#it's rather fun to think of ways to describe characters as concisely as possible to people who. unlike kat. can't read my mind

[cuteniarose]

tell us abt meifeng here too plz!

(anon just found ur art blog post lol)

Oh sure!! I was just thinking about her earlier today lmao

So I'm not gonna repeat most of the stuff I've already said about her on my art blog, anyone's who's curious can just go here and read it for themselves, but I will give a brief rundown:

Meifeng – born in about 120-121 AG, give or take a couple of years. She/her, cis, not quite sure about her sexuality yet. A waterbender who specialises in healing. She's Ming-Hua's older cousin, the daughter of Nuying's (Ming-Hua's mom) older half brother, who was often in charge of babysitting her because Nuying's mental state wasn't the most stable after her husband left. Years later, Meifeng was the one who tried to stop Ming-Hua from running away, who remained at Nuying's side as she died (the exact circumstances of which I described in my art post and have actually cried over. It's really a gutpunch and a half), and who taught Suiren the basics of waterbending. That last point makes her an incredibly emotionally conflicting character, at least to me, because she's yet another adult in Suiren and Midori's life who failed them :/

Now, onto some more fun and hopefully less depressing stuff:

I imagine Meifeng and Ming-Hua's relationship to be somewhat similar to some aspects of Nani and Lilo's from Lilo and Stitch, mostly in the sense of Ming-Hua being an uncontrollable little chaos gremlin who Meifeng cannot turn away from for one second without her running off somewhere ("UGH, you're such a pain!!" "So why don't you sell me and buy a rabbit instead?!" "At least a rabbit would behave better than you!" "Great, then you'll be happy cause it'd be smarter than me too!!" "And QUIETER!!!" "You'll like it cause it's STINKY like you!!!!". Also, the gravity scene has them vibes too). She succeeded in stopping multiple of Ming-Hua's attempts to go too far outside their village but the second Ming-Hua learned to climb trees it was all over, it's impossible to catch up to her when she's in full on Tarzan mode. Meifeng's probably the only one of Ming-Hua's relatives to have ever met Ghazan because she's bound to have seen him while going to Gaoling to drag Ming-Hua's ass back home. But to her credit she never told anyone where exactly Ming-Hua was always running off to because she knew she'd get reprimanded for it as well. Eventually if she knew Ming-Hua was going to meet up with Ghazan, she'd let her go and would just spend the day off doing her own things away from the tribe so if anyone asked, she could say Ming-Hua was with her. #bestwingwoman

As Ming-Hua grew older their relationship started changing because it became clear Ming-Hua's thirst for freedom wasn't just her being a little brat or a bout of childish rebellion. Meifeng may have aided her in many things, but she was strictly against her running away for good. Their conversations became rather focused on things like "I know auntie can be... a little much sometimes, but she's your mother, she just wants the best for you". This, of course, pissed Ming-Hua off to no end and their relationship soured as she stopped confiding in Meifeng. Perhaps Meifeng eventually told Nuying about Ghazan and Gaoling and everything else in hopes that maybe at least her own mother would be able to talk some sense into her. That backfired majorly, resulting in a huge fight between Ming-Hua and Nuying. Luckily (or not, depending on who you ask), Ghazan ran away himself not long after so Ming-Hua wasn't placed on house arrest or watched like a hawk or anything since everyone thought her main influence was gone, but she still refused to say a single word to Meifeng for YEARS right up until she caught her running away in the middle of the night at age 15

Afterwards, Meifeng spent a lot of time comforting her aunt and just in general keeping her company whenever she could. And like I said, she was the one with Nuying when she passed, but I don't really want to linger on that bc it'll make me sad again so... regarding her relationship with Suiren. Meifeng knew her when she was very little but post-RL-imprisonment didn't see her again until she was 11. I know that in UtOS specifically Kat and I make a very big point out of Suiren not wanting to learn waterbending from anybody but her mama, but in that verse she's a traumatised seven year old child who, if she can't get her mama back, just wants everyone to leave her alone. In SotRL by the time she was 11 she had already accepted that her life wasn't going to change on its own, no one was coming to save them, nobody cared enough about them to do so. If she wanted to get herself and Midori away from Haya, she had to take matters into her own hands, and that meant learning waterbending. But it was forbidden in Haya's house and her skills atrophied over the years, so she couldn't do it alone. She remembered that her mother has family in the Swamp so maybe someone there could help her. It wasn't Mama, sure, but the swamp bending style is probably similar enough to Ming-Hua's unique one that it's easier to stomach than, say, learning northern style from Ikiaq. Meifeng took up teaching her and was rather impressed at how quickly she picked everything up, and maybe even shared some of what Ming-Hua had told her about her own unique style, how she relies on her spine and shoulders and all that, to help Suiren mimic it at least somewhat. But as nice and helpful as she was, she still ultimately refused to take Suiren and Midori in, even after being told that Haya is physically abusive, and Suiren never quite let go of that hurt and though the lessons continued because she had no other choice, she became even more closed off than she already was. Meifeng regrets that to this day but what she is regret if her choices meant Suiren and Midori needlessly suffered for another 12 years when it could have been different???

So this is basically the extent of what I have for now, I know all of it is based around Meifeng's relationships with other people rather than who she is on her own, but that's because her role in the story is a supporting one so I never really gave her much thought as an individual. Hope this still manages to satisfy your curiosity, though :)

[winged-paki]

Hi! I really like your fic, I admire the way you write and describe the emotions of the characters. If it's among your possibilities, I would like you to give me some tips for writing (dialogues, scenarios, emotions, narrative arc, etc) I would also like to start writing that way, as if you know the characters personally.

Aww, thank you so much anon! I'm not sure how much concrete advice I can give - I'm not a very experienced writer, especially not when it comes to longer stories like chartreuse - but I can try. Forgive my lack of brevity, I have never once been concise.

I usually write what I know. I write about emotions I've felt before and things that I've been through, and I write dialogue like how I and those around me naturally speak. I try to be an introspective/observant person so I can pick up on how people speak or describe their feelings, and how my own thoughts/emotions manifest in me. All of that makes writing conversations and emotions very clear to me.

I plan out my long stories in advance. Those plans change A LOT... but I think making them in the first place is necessary to keep your story goal-oriented rather than meandering. My plans have three elements: general plot movement, emotional/character arcs, and a scene-by-scene play-out of each chapter. The first and last elements change a lot, but the character arcs usually stay consistent, so I'm able to write those emotional journeys with the endgoal and major moments already in mind.

Perspective is a huge one for me. I think part of conveying a character's emotions is removing the barrier between the character and the audience, even when writing from third person. I try to minimize my use of phrases like "she felt" and "she thought" in emotional moments which kind of pull the audience out of the character's head, and focus on raw hyperbolic imagery, physical sensations, metaphors, and so on like a real-time thought process.

Here's a paragraph I like:

"Normally, they could compartmentalize. They could dissociate. They’d be shaky and skittish, sure, but at least they wouldn’t keep seeing—keep hearing—keep feeling those gutwrenching memories churn in a zoetrope before their eyes and under their skin. That fucking cosplay couple, who Shiver let their guard down around and trusted too much despite Frye’s quiet warning—the way they kissed like hellfire, the way the audience shrieked itself hoarse for them—the way Shiver had felt like their skin was melting, like their blood was boiling oil, the way Frye looked so desolate as she watched, helpless, a corpse walking—"

I tried to show Shiver's panic here through short choppy sentences and jumbled-up ideas and wild imagery. It doesn't quite feel like we're being told how Shiver feels so much as we're experiencing their thoughts ourselves. That, I think, is the difference between the audience knowing how the characters feel and the audience feeling that same shit too.

Regarding emotions, I love contradictions. I think that's the juiciest thing you can do to a character. Frye feeling torn between wanting to be honest to her fans and wanting to support her partner, Shiver feeling torn between loving their partner and fearing intimacy with her, Big Man loving his friends but growing fed up with their bullshit... all this cognitive dissonance can culminate in really explosive fights, dramatic conversations, arguments and makeups, and other fun stuff.

I like to ensure everyone expresses their emotions differently. Shiver compartmentalizes and dissociates. Frye gets anxious and sometimes belligerent. Big Man's anger is quiet and deadly. (At least until the most recent chapter, where Shiver and Frye's "anger styles" switch as a testament to how abnormal they've become.)

I think every scene/scenario should play a legit role in the plot and emotional development of the characters. I construct most scenarios based off how they move plot/characters forward, and also try to ensure I don't become overly repetitive in the situations I show. So that necessitates many settings, characters, behaviors, communication styles, etc.

A big part of how I write like I know the characters personally is spending a lot of time with them. I think about them a lot, even when I'm not writing/planning, and I flesh out their personalities, reactions to situations, interactions with others, etc. in my head. I especially like to focus on what makes my characters different. How are Shiver and Frye different from each other? How are the chartreuse chatroom girls different from each other? Stuff like that.

I'll edit this post if anything more occurs to me <3 sorry for the enormous post, thank you for the question, and I hope this is somewhat helpful to you!

[synesindri]

sin, I'm curious. Since you seem like the residential Lucifer expert, how would you characterize them?

:DDD omg thank you for asking!!! i certainly am a big-time lucifer enjoyer, at least 💖i'm going to make my usual disclaimers up top that i can only speak to the lucifer of season 5, and that i think lucifer's openness to interpretation is one of his biggest strengths as a character. (i'm also going to use he/him pronouns for lucifer but i don't find that very meaningful for him)

i think my most concise answer is that lucifer is: inconsistent, passionate, analytical, elitist, injured, curious, loving, and trapped. this is a very weird set of words so let me try to explain more ~

my impression is that lucifer has probably always been analytical, emotional, elitist, curious, and loving, so i'll start with a few of those more basic aspects of his characterization. elitist is pretty clear; he thinks angels are better than people and that he's the prettiest most special angel there is. people are better than demons, but they don't matter very much to him unless they're one of the individuals that is relevant to him.

but he's also loving — it's important that he always describes himself as falling because of love for god rather than hatred of humanity, and i'm inclined to believe him...i don't think he did hate humanity from the outset (though he might now), and might have tried to love them before ultimately concluding that they are too flawed to bow to (this is a whole other post i could make but essentially this comes down to how lilith is described as having been "tempted" into becoming a demon, and the timeline of lucifer's stated opinions of humanity likely not making sense unless he'd seen a fair amount of objectionable behavior from them). a lot of his behavior through season 5 seems like it comes from being unable/unwilling to love the entities he used to, since they wronged and abandoned him, and instead displacing his love for god onto his defensiveness of the earth, and possibly his love for michael (a brother who should understand him) onto the relationship he hopes to have with sam (the one creature in all the universe built uniquely to be on his side). he clearly seems to understand love, in any case, even if he's mainly interacting with the most toxic aspects of it at this point.

"curious" is evident from his interest in poking at humanity enough to have a problem with them in the first place, and from how he acts compared to most other angels: he picked up pop culture references from somewhere; he continues to be actively interested in talking to sam even after he's gotten his yes and has no obvious reason to continue spending time on him; he participates in physical reality a lot more than he would have to if he wasn't curious about it (that does manifest often in like, ripping gods' hearts out with his bare hand and digging mass graves with a shovel and such, but he also just like, moves around in his vessel's body more than, say, castiel, and seems to be having fun with that).

lucifer definitely sees himself as being more analytical than other angels, saying in abandon all hope: "And then he beat me down. All because I was different. Because I had a mind of my own" — i don't know if the "different" claim is about being better at coming to his own conclusions than other angels were, or if he feels there's something else categorically different about him that made him able to have a mind of his own. but in any case, that seems like a core aspect of what he's like, since either way, that's what made him capable of being the first angel to defy orders. he continues to demonstrate this quality in his realtime appearances too, being tactically skillful and choosing rhetorical angles that he thinks will get him what he wants when he interacts with other characters. he maybe isn't as good at it as he believes himself to be (approaching sam as jess was poorly calculated even though it did make sense from his perspective; he handled his interaction with gabriel really messily, etc — i almost want to say he wasn't good enough at this not to Fall in the first place, but that's maybe more victim-blamey than i want to go). lucifer's characterization has a cold intelligence to it, but he is prone to hitting walls with that.

pretty consistently, he hits those walls because of his passionate emotionality. he wants to win sam over, but he wants the closeness that comes from wearing jess's face too, and so he shoots himself in the foot by doing something he should probably have recognized would be seen as deceptive and creepy (of course, this did just work with nick when lucifer appeared as sarah, so maybe that's just a case of him working with bad data). he's still mad at gabriel from all that time ago, so he can't hear what gabriel is telling him about how "nobody makes [them] do anything" until gabriel is dead (lucifer only outright seems to understand that there is some chance that he and michael have the ability to change their own fates in swan song when he talks about walking off the chessboard, and i tend to think that came from him thinking about what gabriel said in the aftermath of hammer of the gods). even with his initial fall, he was (speculatively) too upset about being asked to do something he considered unfair to object more subtly than by inventing demons to prove his point. so he's very good at thinking, but he's also full of feelings, and often makes choices that hurt himself and others as a result of the combination of the characteristics.

from there, a huge piece of lucifer by the time he gets out of the cage is his inconsistency — his emotional motives fluctuate; his self-awareness fluctuates; his philosophies and opinions fluctuate. he can keep his story straight about why he fell, at least, which gives him an interesting character trajectory: everything he does by the time we meet him is coming out of an event he can talk about clearly, but everything he's doing in realtime is a lot messier. did he start out genuinely consistent, and has gotten less so as everything else got more complicated? has his own life always been more complex than he talks about it being, and he's just been working on solidifying a narrative that he can live with during his time in the cage? has it always been messy, and he just likes to present clean rhetoric to other characters he talks to? who knows. maybe all, in different ways.

...and he's inconsistent like this because he's been hurt, and he's trapped in his own fate. one of THE most important things about lucifer, to me, is that he's always on the verge of panic and mania. he's finally free, and he's thrilled! he finally gets to have vengeance, and that's great! he is out here having to play the role of devil that god wrote for him (as he acknowledges in swan song), and he doesn't like that because he thought he was doing the right thing! he wants to endear himself to sam, but the only thing he can think of anymore to attempt to do that is to give sam the opportunity to inflict violence. he doesn't know what the outcome of the apocalypse will be; everyone thinks lucifer will be the one to die, so he might be facing down his own end — he is probably scared; he is probably eager to get on with it. if he doesn't get killed, he'll have to kill michael, and he very badly wants to do that and absolutely does not; he wants payback; he wants reconciliation; he wants forgiveness; he wants michael to tell him he was right all along. a lot of lucifer's behavior is evidence that he's in control just as much as it's evidence that he has gone off the rails because he's desperate and angry and frightened and ecstatic and trapped, and he isn't able to be 100% cool about that 100% of the time.

tl;dr, lucifer is a smart, passionate entity that has become close to his worst self thanks to factors that are both his fault and not. love, curiosity, and ego are three of his primary motivations, and they often lead him to behave cruelly or rashly. by the time he is out of the cage, he is simultaneously more in control of his life than he has been in a long time, trying to do a lot very fast while in a bad emotional state, and convinced he doesn't actually have any options and is therefore not in control at all.

[clockworkflicker]

Iris!! Sorry this is ten million years late but for that ask game would you consider 🛒 and 🤡?

Sure, there's no expiration date on ask games. Ty for the ask!

🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.

As far as imagery goes, I wouldn’t be the first to point out that I have a tendency to lean hard into wilderness and autumnal themes haha. Rustic settings and chilly air and red leaves that match red noses, my beloved.

I didn’t realize it until I started on my latest work-in-progress fic, but I guess I really like writing characters with both the kink and a cold. Like, it’s not outright stated that they’d think a cold would look sexy on someone else, but they carry themselves with a mindset that I could best describe as “coldfucker is painfully aware of their own plight and yearn for the comfort of others but is simultaneously flustered about the thought of 1) being seen like this and 2) possible contagion” (it’s not a concise description, regrettably). It’s fun and cathartic and idk, there’s something neat about finding a way to subtly communicate through a character’s mannerisms that they fuck a sneeze rather than just saying it outright. That’s kinda how I write Hotaru -- you see it most obviously in her internal monologues. And the next F/ire E/mblem fic I’m hoping to get published (it’s taking a hot minute because I’m attempting to make some art to go with it, but alas this is my first time working digitally in actual years) will also feature a coldfucker with a cold.

🤡 What's a line, scene, or exchange you've written that made you laugh?

So chapter two of Lakka & Hotaru’s story has seen multiple rewrites and has been in WIP Hell for ages. Naturally with all those rewrites, I’ve had to cut some otherwise perfectly good interactions. Here’s one of my favorites, in which Hotaru is looking for a werewolf loose in a hardware store. Lakka drives out to the hardware store to look around too, but she believes she’s only on the hunt for a normal wolf.

“Oh, hey. What’re you doing here?”

“Jus’ picking up a new shower head and browsing.” Lakka gestures a little with the shower head box she’s carrying under her left arm.

“You drove out to a Lowe’s three hours away to pick up a new shower head?” Hotaru raises an eyebrow.

“And browse,” Lakka amends. “While there’s certainly no shortage of hardware stores in Minnesota, I just had to come check out the one that’s allegedly so popular with the wolves these days.”

Hotaru rolls her eyes. “What, you think it’s anything other than a defective signal?”

“Your presence here leads me to believe you’re just as curious as I am.” Lakka gives her a knowing look.

Hotaru scoffs. “I’m here because this is the only store in this whole state that carries the brands of epoxy resin and PLA filament I use. My Etsy shop doesn’t run itself.”

Lakka can’t help but laugh. “Right, of course! That’s why you’re here in the outdoor power tools section!”

Also it’s not apparent from this specific interaction but I want it to be known that Lakka is a lumberjack lesbian with a lumber allergy in a hardware store full of sawdust. Also she maybe possibly might be coming down with Hotaru’s cold. Who’s to say? Thank you and good night.

[bookwyrminspiration]

I love your writing so much, you do such a good job explaining things and making it concise, but also interesting.

Also, you could totally make me believe something is canon, because if in a post you wrote “when fintan was in his emo band with bronte in neverseen, he also tried to take out one direction.” I would just add that to my idea of canon

ahh, thank you!! (I'm assuming this is referring to all my analyses and tumblr posts, since we're talking about explaining things! could be wrong though). I'm very interested in everything I talk about, so I guess I try to convey that and carry it over into the way I share things. The world is so interesting and I love talking about it, so I'm absolutely delighted you like listening to me!

I never thought concise would be a word ever used to describe me, but I like it! Talking about things is so much fun and there are so many words at my disposal to share ideas with so getting to use as many as possible is incredible--and you all indulge me to no end, which I appreciate immensely! I have a habit of talking at people rather than with them when it's something I'm invested in (like kotlc), so I'm glad it's not too bad or annoying!

and wow! giving me the power to alter your perception of canon...that's a high honor! I do sometimes include little disclaimers on my posts to remind everyone that the things I'm talking about are just personal interpretations of the events of keeper and the characters and the things they could mean. Which is actually pretty wild because you all keep asking for my personal thoughts despite me not being an authority over the series in any way!

But I take this as an absolute compliment that you trust my judgements and thoughts enough to refer to them when thinking about the series. People have referred to me as a writing resource/information source (not vagueposting about anyone, this isn't an isolated thing) for the series, and I always go !!! Like okay thank you!! I hope your fic/whatever else it is goes well!! I'll be screaming over here /pos !!

“when fintan was in his emo band with bronte in neverseen, he also tried to take out one direction.” I can't believe you forgot that Fintan himself was actually one direction. The entire band. He was the entire band all alone (/j). I wonder what kind of emo music Fintan and Bronte would make...I think Fintan deserves one of those villain songs that's undeniably the best of the movie, and I think Bronte wants to complain about things. Mesh those together to get their emo band! Concept: Bronte and metal screaming (whatever it's called). That feels very cursed....

This is a long way of saying thank you! I really appreciate the compliments and that you enjoy the things I do! I enjoy doing them and interacting with everyone, so I am giving you a big internet hug from where I am to wherever you are! Or a high five. Or I am offering you a flower from afar. Or a cat. Whichever you're comfortable with, if any <33

[autumnslance]

What was it like going from World of Warcraft to FFXIV? As someone who has never played an online RPG before FFXIV I am often :0 ?! when I hear that some people found getting into FFXIV hard because of the mandatory main quest when they just want to go to endgame content as soon as possible. Is going endgame ASAP a regular thing in most online RPGs?

Have a header image of a FFXIV version of my original WoW Main, Discipline Priest Lirriel F’sharri.

Me, a concise answer? Hahaha! Sorry. This got long, so behind a cut it goes and hopefully I answer to Nonny’s satisfaction, taking the questions and breaking them down:

Is going endgame ASAP a regular thing in most online RPGs?

In a lot of games it can be, yes. WoW doesn’t really have a linear overall storyline; each zone has its own story, and each expansion has its own story arc. Nowadays, with how long it’s been running and how big it’s gotten, WoW has revamped their questing so that you decide if you want to go through 1-50 in a specific expac (Burning Crusade, Cataclysm, Wrath of the Lich King, etc), and then catch up to the newest expac for the newest levels, since they also recently did a “level squish” as well as a stats squish, as they had gotten well over 100+ levels in the last couple expansions. Numbers are a problem for long running games (which is why experienced MMO players nodded and some even sighed in relief when the stat squish for Endwalker was announced).

I don’t think FFXIV will be able to do anything similar since their overarching story is so linear; it’s more like playing a single player traditional JRPG with some MMO features attached. I can see them perhaps scaling experience point gain with quests the way they have with the side quests in Shadowbringers, or with Beast Tribe dailies; that would work going forward I think. Unless we get the option to start with the new storyarc starting in 6.1; that could be interesting!

The only other time I had a linear story to go through similarly to FFXIV was early days of Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic, which I played briefly at launch. Even then, each planet had its own storyline, the overall storyline was the individual class questlines. There was, I think, an overarching plot, but it didn’t really come into play until level cap? I don’t even remember and never got to cap because the grind in that game at launch was awful.

And that’s a thing about many MMOs; the leveling experience is learning about the world, introducing characters and setting, but it’s mostly filler until you get to the endgame where the raiding is--and in WoW, the story is only completed via seeing it in raids (thank goodness for Looking for Raid) and was the main focus mechanically as well. WoW didn’t really have an overarching story in Classic, it was a lot of disparate elements setting up and holdovers from the original RTS games and led to random raid content. Burning Crusade gave us an overarching plot with going to Outland to face Illidan--which honestly wasn’t all that well done storywise. BC is remembered fondly for the quality of life changes and allowing smaller groups to raid, rather than requiring wrangling 40 people. And the raids were challenging and fun--or frustrating, but mileage varies there. But the impetus for “the Dark Portal opened and Illidan’s in Outland being bad” was...pretty much it? Later expacs like Wrath had much better story setup and throughlines as they went, and my one friend described Shadowlands as having something like an MSQ. There are, however, a lot of retcons and putting necessary plot information in supplemental material, which was always frustrating. I’ve likened it before to “imagine going from defeating Tsukuyomi at the end of 4.3 and all the separations and set up there...and then the next patch picking up with getting warped to the First because everything that happened in 4.4 and 4.5 occurs in a novel.” That’s too often been WoW’s method of connecting expansion stories while players languish for a year or more in the last raid content.

I wish I was kidding. FFXIV having a set, quick release schedule, that they keep to so consistently with such good quality--and cosmetic and RP stuff added too!--is astounding to me. I worry for the devs’ health at times--then I hear things like Yoshida turning down requests for crunchy overtime to keep said devs from burning out, hence why the next Ultimate is pushed to 6.1. I appreciate that greatly. Getting anything not pertaining to endgame raid and PvP content in WoW was often impossible, coming with complaints from the raiding community that frivolous additions for sheer fun cost them whole tiers, and seriously 18 months between patches was not unheard of.

What was it like going from World of Warcraft to FFXIV?

I started FFXIV at the beginning of Heavensward...but I was still playing WoW. FFXIV was my side game, as I was still invested in roleplay and raiding with my WoW friends. So I mostly enjoyed playing through the story at a leisurely pace, but I didn’t finish ARR for like 2 years. When Stormblood came out I was hitting burnout in WoW despite mostly enjoying Legion, and the quality of life changes for StB really invigorated my interest and ability to play. The longer GCD for FFXIV was actually one of the biggest challenges for me, especially since I had primarily tanked and healed in WoW. I am not an aggressive or competitive player, nor very manually coordinated, so DPS has always been a challenge for me. I find DPS easier in FFXIV thanks to the longer GCD--I’m still not great, but I don’t feel overwhelmed by trying to hit my rotation buttons instantly. It’s taken me a while to get used to tanking, and I still don’t do it in 8man content, except once or twice with my friends. Mostly cuz I’m just enjoying my DPS jobs, really, so haven’t invested in learning.

...And some of my old fear of random roulettes as a lone tank/healer; WoW’s LFG was a toxic pit for various reasons FFXIV has mostly avoided and even my worst day in FFXIV’s roulette is better than a good day in WoW’s, which gave me anxiety and I stopped doing without friends. FFXIV has no Public Test Realm that people expect you to get on pre-patch to not only spoil story moments, but also learn all the fight mechanics ahead of time and if you don’t know them Hour 1 Day 1 of a new patch release you’re deserving of abuse.

I won’t say never, but I just haven’t found myself interested in going back to WoW or feeling invested in that story, though I do sometimes miss my RP characters (and may write more stories for them sometime). I do keep track of certain beloved NPCs and events--a friend streamed a beautiful moment in Ardenweald for me because I did play through what happened to that character in Legion, sobbing the whole time. I’m tracking what’s happening to Anduin Wrynn closely; we’ve literally watched that character grow up in real time over the years from boy prince to king of Stormwind and I’m still a bit heartbroken about his father. But I play for story and characters, and Blizzard’s way of telling those stories and handling those characters lost me, and with how the Acti-Blizz execs and higher level devs act lately (Hazzikostas keeps striking me as out of touch), they don’t give me much incentive to go back. I may not even pick up Diablo 4 at this rate.

So FFXIV’s story hits the right narrative and character focus for me, especially when I buckled in and replayed...and then replayed again...and now have NG+...Anyway, I like how they build the lore and characters and while it’s far from perfect and they have their own flaws, coming from WoW, it’s a lovely change of pace. Not to mention just how Yoshida and his team interact and communicate with the player base, and see the players’ trust as paramount post-1.x.

...I hear that some people found getting into FFXIV hard because of the mandatory main quest when they just want to go to endgame content as soon as possible.

Some people play only to raid; they like mechanics, and challenges, and feeling powerful at max level with the best gear. They don’t care about the overall story--in some cases because they don’t realize it’s so in depth and linear and sensible after/compared to the constant retcons and revamps in games like WoW!--and are just here to play with friends. Cool for them, if that’s what makes them happy! If that’s how they relax and have fun, power to ‘em so long as they aren’t being nasty to others less advanced/able/willing to put in the time and effort for gameplay. But for me, story and characters are far more important, and I raided quite a lot in WoW at various levels of difficulty and raid size. I am old and tired and want to relax and have fun with friends and write stories that get away with me when my characters get a mind of their own. So I rarely do more than Normals, avoiding Savage and Extreme cuz that grind doesn’t interest me. I’ll do stuff I can do on my own to get my progress fix for my brain (like leveling jobs).

The trouble we’re running into now is FFXIV’s linear story is well over 100 hours long. Even with the ARR revamp cutting a lot of chafe, there’s a LOT to get through to reach HW, and then a lot to get to StB, and then to ShB. And there will be a bunch to get through to EW. That’s JUST MSQ, not counting all the side content a new player may also want to catch up on, like the Alliance and Normal raids, PvP, Relics, Hildibrand, side quest stories like Mail Moogle, Beast Tribes, Crafting...the list goes on and on!

Content in a successful MMO must be varied for multiple styles and preferences for the long term health of the game. Roleplayers and story-focused folks tend to be the ones who stick between patches, farming content at a slower pace to get rewards they want for RP or to see story info, as opposed to raid-focused folks who push new content at release for the challenge and glory. Some of those folks also RP or like story though, so go back to farm between blowing up new content. There’s room for all kinds, and there has to be, and while I am sometimes annoyed by people who skip story (or outright dislike it!) while demanding to know how X works or why a character did A thing, they play their way and pay their sub to keep things running same as me and my obsessive need to know the lore and see it for myself. I can certainly understand those players who story skip that much content to get to where their friends are, if that’s the primary reason they play is to raid with pals, and with New Game+ it’s easier than ever for someone to go back and catch up the story later anyway.

[lesbian-percy-weasley]

Where I Don’t Belong by Gay-Natasha-Saves-The-World on Ao3 (aka someone who is totally mentally healthy)

Ship: Perciver

Content warning: mild swearing, fear of swimming

Summary: Oliver was throwing a party to celebrate becoming senior captain of the soccer team and Percy wanted to celebrate with him. But after a semi-embarrassing incident, he had to say something he wanted to keep to himself

Percy had been with his boyfriend for a fairly long time. It was almost ten months now and they were still happy with each other. But a problem had been plaguing Percy for a while now. It was the fact that he didn’t fit in with Oliver's friends at all.

It wasn’t any fault of Olivers. He would never make him feel left out on purpose. No, it was Percy’s problem. He was the one that wasn’t good at sports, the one that didn’t know any of the video games that they played, the one that didn’t like the restaurants they did. Every time Oliver brought him somewhere with his friends he felt awkward and like his presence was unwanted. If he had to describe how he felt concisely he would say he felt like a burden.

He would never tell Oliver this. Again, it was his problem to deal with. The last thing he wanted was for Oliver to feel guilty for his own insecurities. He didn’t want to cause a useless argument about it. So he sat there, pretending to be dealing with it when in fact he wasn’t.

His family got over the issue of Oliver’s family owning the only other Christmas tree farm in town a while ago, to both of their delights. His siblings still made fun of him for it but what else was new. He tried to ignore them most of the time.

Overall, things were better for them now if we weren’t counting the thing I spent 3 paragraphs discussing in detail. After all, Percy didn’t.

Oliver recently got the role of senior captain of the soccer team. To celebrate this momentous occasion he was throwing a party at his parents' house. He was only inviting his friends to keep it somewhat contained. But it will still be a relatively big party, so he was stressed about it.

Percy offered his assistance to help set up for the party. He hated seeing Oliver stressed about anything and he loved spending time with him. Oliver gladly accepted, which is how Percy found himself at his house at 11 am on the Saturday of the party.

He was staying the night too since he couldn’t drive and didn’t want to bother Oliver nor his parents with driving him home late at night. His parents were hesitant at first. It wasn’t a surprise that they weren’t keen on letting him stay at his boyfriend's house overnight but they soon caved, not wanting to pick him up at an ungodly hour.

His siblings however were much less discreet about the obvious insinuation staying at his boyfriend's house for the night brought. Giving each other suggestive glances and snickering amongst themselves. Percy quickly left the room before he had to hear another one of Fred and George’s god awful innuendos. They had already made ones about Charles Dickens and Emily Dickenson this week and he didn’t want to hear the ones that took more effort.

But now he was at Oliver’s house trying to move furniture with him so stuff wouldn’t get destroyed. Besides that, it also opened up the room a lot more. This task took a lot more effort than either boy had anticipated. They sat down for a while after everything that needed to be moved was moved.

“I have no idea why I’m even throwing a party,” Oliver sighed. “I mean I’m happy about being captain and all but this is probably the worst idea I’ve ever had.”

“Don’t beat yourself up about it. You’ve had plenty of worse ideas and will continue to have worse ideas in the future.” Percy joked. “Oh shut up, you’re not helping,” Oliver said, trying not to laugh.

“But, in all seriousness. You don’t have to worry about it. It’s only people you know, after all.” Percy tried to be genuinely comforting. “I guess, but it’s just all so much I didn’t need to put on myself,” Oliver explained

“Everything will be fine, Ollie. The party will go on without any major incident, we’ll clean what we can when it's over, and then we won’t have to worry about it anymore.” Percy leaned into his boyfriend while he was speaking. Oliver nodded in response.

It seemed like Oliver was never 100% sure of himself. Sometimes he would take 5 minutes to make a simple, inconsequential decision. He hated it so much. He was a goalie, for God's sake! He should be able to make split-second decisions and be sure of himself. But he wasn’t.

He was glad Percy was here to help him with it, at least. He always knew what to do when Oliver didn’t. He could logically sort things out when Oliver was too panicked to do it himself.

It was just around 7 pm when people started showing up. They got a chance to chill for a few hours after they set up at least. Oliver played a video game while Percy started reading Emma for what seems like the 100th time. They enjoyed being close to each other even if they were doing drastically different things.

But now there were other people there. Other people that wanted to have a fun party. The two got separated rather quickly as Oliver went to talk to his friends. Percy was honestly at a loss for what to do.

Parties weren’t really his scene. They were usually cramped and dark and loud and smelled bad to his experience. Plus, as was mentioned earlier in the story, he didn’t really mesh well with Oliver's friends. He tried to find a semi-quiet place to continue reading because it wasn’t realistic that he could stay with Oliver throughout the whole party.

Percy knew damn well he looked like the quirky self insert character in a one direction fanfic on Wattpad but he couldn’t honestly care less. He did get a fair share of weird looks from people but again, he couldn’t care less.

Oliver went to check up on him a few times throughout the night. Percy insisted he was fine but was still glad he could see Oliver even for a few minutes.

Besides Oliver, only a few other people talked to him. They either asked if he knew where the bathroom was or tried to make awkward conversation. There were two boys, who Percy thinks were named Theo and Christian, who asked about his book. It was obvious that they didn’t actually care so Percy only responded with the bare minimum.

About 30 minutes later Percy felt a wave of anxiety wash over him. It seemed to come out of nowhere, but it felt like the walls were closing in on him. He had to get outside that instant. He closed his book and started to walk outside before he got too disoriented to do anything.

Luckily there were fewer people outside. The air instantly made him feel better. It was obvious that he wasn’t having the best time at the party. He wanted to have fun, he really did, but it was hard. He was around people he wasn’t necessarily comfortable within a situation he wasn’t necessarily comfortable in.

The pool was uncovered. No one was in it because it was dark and cold. He didn’t understand why they would put the effort to uncover and clean everything when they knew no one was going to want to swim. But they couldn’t just undo the effort they put in so it was there.

Percy hated pools more than anything. He never learned to swim, he was too scared to even go near it when he was a child. His siblings teased him about it, but there was no way he would go into a pool unless he were forced in. Standing next to the pool was doing nothing to help his sudden anxiety. I mean someone could accidentally bump into him or push him in purposefully. He had to get away from the-

In a matter of milliseconds, he found himself submerged in the water. The anxiety turned into full-blown panic. He knew that if he could just stand up he could get his head at least above the water but how could he? His glasses had flown off with the fall and he was hoping with everything he had that they weren’t broken. He didn’t bring his back up pair, God, why didn’t he bring his back up pair?

That wasn’t important now, what was important is that he couldn’t see anything and the chlorine-filled water was burning his eyes. He didn’t dare to take a breath in, he didn’t want a similar sensation on the inside of his body. How long had he been underwater? Did anyone even notice what happened?

He was too caught up in his own mind to notice someone had jumped in until they grabbed him. They started pulling him up. Once they broke the surface Percy took a few panicked breaths. He still couldn’t see but he knew the person who got him was Oliver. He was trying to calm him down but it was obviously not working. Percy couldn’t possibly relax until he was out of the pool.

Slowly, Oliver led Percy to the edge and helped him out. The coldness of the air hit him hard but at least it was better than being in the pool. Oliver got out after him and ran to the patio table to get a towel that he set out. He draped it over Percy before jumping back into the pool to retrieve his glasses.

Soon enough, Oliver swam back over to Percy with his glasses and got out right next to him. By some miracle, the glasses weren’t broken just wet. He quickly wiped them off with a semi-dry part of his towel. At least he could see now.

He turned to see Oliver looking at him with an expression of utmost concern. It was just now sinking in that this incident caused a scene and that almost everyone who was outside was looking directly at him. He needed to get away at all costs. Luckily, Oliver caught on to the panic that was starting to set in again.

“Do you want to go somewhere else, Perce?” Oliver whispered. Percy quickly nodded. Oliver nodded back and led him to his room.

People that were inside had no idea what was going on, so they were quite confused to see Oliver and Percy rushing past everyone to go up the stairs while both of them were soaking wet. But looking strange was last on both of their minds.

When they reached Oliver’s room, Percy finally started to relax a little bit. He did have dry clothes he could change into. They were his pajamas but it wasn’t like he was gonna show his face for the rest of the night. Not after he ruined the party for practically everyone.

He quickly got changed trying not to think of anything else. Maybe once nothing on him was wet he’d feel better. The awful sensation of wet clothes clinging to his body was not helping his current mental state in the slightest.

He didn’t have the presence of mind to realize that Oliver was also in the room until he was just about to put his shirt on. When Oliver kissed his cheek after he changed from his wet clothes.

“Don’t worry, Perce. I’ll handle everything.” Oliver whispered to him even though no one else was in the room. He couldn’t help but notice slight anger in his voice. That’s what finally sent him over.

Once Oliver closed the door Percy felt tears running down his face. He knew he ruined the party for him and probably for everyone by extension. He wanted nothing more than to disappear. He felt extremely pathetic and useless. Standing alone in his boyfriend's room, still without his shirt on, crying to himself.

All the thoughts that he had about their relationship when it first started were coming back into his mind like an avalanche. Most were about how Oliver deserves someone who was so much more than him. It would honestly be a miracle if Oliver stayed with him after tonight.

He tried to calm down. He didn’t want Oliver to see him like this when he came back to his room. If he came back to his room. But nothing he tried was helping. He felt completely and utterly worthless.

Okay, deep breath in, deep breath out. If he can’t stop himself from crying, he can at least put his shirt on. After all, it was his favorite shirt ever since he got it. Once it was too worn to wear in public he retired it to his pajama drawer. There wasn’t anything particularly special about it, but it brought him comfort. Which was exactly what he needed right now.

It seemed like he had been alone for a long time. Percy had finally managed to stop crying, thank god, but it was still super obvious he was. He was starting to actually wonder if Oliver was gonna come back or just leave him. He couldn’t really blame him if he did.

It was only about two minutes later when Oliver came back again. Percy was a bit startled by the sound of the door opening. It startled him a little bit but he was glad to see Oliver hadn’t forgotten about him. He was just hoping he didn’t look like the mess he felt like.

He walked over to his bed, which Percy was sitting on, and sat right next to him. He had brought him some food they had put out and a bottle of water.

“Sorry, it took so long. Marcus was already dealing with Theo and Christian but everyone was stopping me to ask what was wrong.” He explained while he was scooting closer to Percy.

“It’s fine really.” His voice was hoarse and that’s when Oliver realized he was more shaken up than he thought he was.

“Perce, you don’t have to be fine. If something’s wrong, please tell me.” Oliver put his hand on Percy’s arm. Percy was trying to think about what to say. Oliver wasn’t gonna let him say he was just fine but he didn’t feel like getting into everything he was feeling. But he needed to say something.

“I’m sorry,” Percy exclaimed. Oliver looked confused for a second.

“Why are you sorry? What happened wasn’t your fault.”

“I ruined everything.” He sighed, “You would still be having fun at your party if I didn’t fall into the stupid pool.” He could feel the tears coming back. “You should be hanging out with your friends.”

“You didn’t ruin anything. I guarantee people are still having fun downstairs. They won’t miss me, Perce.” Oliver tried to explain.

“It’s just not fair that you can’t even enjoy your own party because of me.” Percy shrugged, trying to calm himself down again. He hated feeling like a burden which is exactly how he felt right now.

“Perce, look at me,” Percy hesitantly turned towards him. “I am sincere when I say I don’t mind hanging out up here with you. I wasn’t even having that much fun. You don’t need to worry about it, okay?” Percy nodded in response

They spent a couple of moments in silence. Neither of them really knew what to say. Oliver was sure that Percy wasn’t telling him something. He was never really open about his emotions no matter how much he wanted to be.

Percy had moved closer to Oliver, allowing himself to calm down a little bit. He’d stop crying but now was just a bit tired. He still felt a bit guilty about everything. It had been about 30 minutes since it happened.

The party was still going on downstairs without either of them. Percy tried to find any hint that Oliver was regretting staying up here with him but he couldn’t find any. It didn’t make much sense to him. While he was trying to figure it out Oliver started to say something.

“Remember the Halloween party last year?” He asked to break up the silence. Percy laughed a little a nodded.

“Yeah. I was Mr. Bingley and you were Mr. Darcy,” He sighed, “I also remember I thought it would be one of the worst ideas ever.”

“But everything turned out fine in the end.” Oliver rebutted while turning to look at Percy. He nodded in response. “I still don’t understand what you were so worried about.”

“I guess I was just scared that your friends wouldn’t like me.” Percy looked down at his fingers.

“Why wouldn’t they like you?”

“I don’t know,” He shrugged, “I’m nothing like them at all.”

“Just because you aren’t the same as them doesn’t mean they don’t like you.” Oliver tried to laugh it off. But Percy wasn’t really accepting the answer. “And even if they didn’t like you, it wouldn’t matter because I like you.”

“You don’t understand.” Percy scoffed. Oliver looked confused.

“Then help me understand, Perce,” He cried out. “I wouldn’t make you do anything that would make you uncomfortable.”

Percy was hesitant. He knew he backed himself into a corner and into a conversation he didn’t want to have. But he didn’t want to lie to Oliver either. He had to come clean about his true feelings.

“You know I’ve never been very confident with myself especially when it came to our relationship,” he explained, “I have to admit that sometimes I still wonder why you’re with me.” Oliver tried to say something but Percy continued talking.

“When I started hanging out with you and your friends, the feelings did intensify. It became more obvious how different we are. I just have a hard time believing that they could ever enjoy my company and it just makes me feel awkward and unwanted.” He put his head in his hands. “I’m sorry it’s just…”

“Please don’t apologize, Perce, you didn’t do anything wrong,” Oliver said, holding Percy close to him. “I knew that you were insecure about yourself and I’ve done everything I could to show you I genuinely like you for who you are.”

Percy nodded in response. “You don’t have to worry about my friends. I guarantee they don’t hate you. Remember that one time we were going to go to the arcade but you got the flu so you had to bail?”

“Yeah,” Percy responded

“When I showed up without you, everyone was asking where you were. I’m pretty sure Marcus even said I was boring without you.” Oliver started to laugh which caused Percy to laugh too.

“I just don’t want to lose you, Ollie. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.” Percy confessed after the laughter died down.

“Percy Weasley I will never stop loving you.” He peppered Percy’s face with kisses. Percy started to blush intensely at the action. No matter how many times his boyfriend did it, his body always had the same reaction.

They stayed up in his room for the rest of the night. A few of his friends texted him and said they were cleaning stuff up for them (and that Emma was still on the stairs where Percy left it). There was nothing left to worry about but themselves. It was early in the morning when Percy had drifted off the sleep. And who can blame him? It was an overall exhausting day.

Oliver was still semi-awake and fully enjoying the feeling of Percy sleeping right next to him. It was something they never got the chance to do but something he hoped they would get to do again.

It seemed impossible but Percy looked even more beautiful. Perhaps it was the moon illuminating his face ever so softly, or the peacefulness which had fallen over him, but Oliver wanted to savor the sight for as long as he could.

But the siren of sleep was singing to him and he soon fell victim to the song. Not that he was complaining. He slept better than he had in years with his boyfriend in his arms. No matter how much went wrong during the day, right now was just perfect. There was nothing else either of them could ask for.

[tokiro07]

Can’t stop thinking about the term Strand game now that I’ve come to a satisfactory checkpoint on Soulslikes 

As I believe I said last time, I don’t find Strand game as unsavory a term as Titlelike on the basis that, while it does inherently reference the title of the game that purports to have spawned it, Death Stranding, it is meant to evoke the characteristics of the genre it seeks to establish

Near as I can tell, Hideo Kojima’s intention was for each player to be a “strand” in the grander fabric of the gaming community, and those individual strands can be and need to be tied together to make something bigger

I’m really on the fence as to whether I like this term, because on the one hand the metaphor is really nice and can be attributed to a lot of things, but on the other it does very little to actually convey the mechanics involved

It’s more concise than saying “asynchronous multiplayer” and also allows for the possibility of real-time interactions, but asynchronous at least conveys the idea that one players actions will affect another even without any direct interaction

I’m also not sure if direct interaction SHOULD be included in the definition of Strand games, as I’m having trouble envisioning a game with exclusively real time multiplayer being considered a Strand game. I suppose if, for example, there were a Death Stranding clone where the players all share the map in real time that could work, but would that still be in line with Kojima’s intentions? Was the point not that the influence of others was almost entirely indirect and incidental, that the actions of one echo outward to reach an untold number of others? Would having the ability to meet, interact, communicate and coordinate with others not defeat the purpose? Or would the mere fact that their actions have meaning for others be all that’s necessary, regardless of whether they could directly interact?

I also keep coming back to the word echo as I think of this. Asynchronous or not, the fact that one players actions have an effect on others makes me think less of a fabric being woven and more of a stone being thrown in a pond, sending a ripple in all directions until it hits something else. If someone told me that Death Stranding was either an Echo game or a Ripple game, I think I’d have a better understanding of how the multiplayer aspect works than being told that it’s a Strand game, as those terms convey the action that the player takes during gameplay

In an interactive medium, it’s important to tell the player what they’ll be doing rather than how they’ll be feeling. In film, genre is for feelings: comedy is for fun and laughter, romance is for love, drama is for passion or sadness, horror is for fear, action is for excitement, etc. In games, genre is for activity: Platformers are for moving a character via jumping, Shooters are for aiming and firing at enemies from a distance, Puzzles are for problem-solving, Action is for variable forms of violence, Recursive games are for repeatedly facing and overcoming a challenge, etc. Like I wanted to convey with moving from Soulslike to Recursive, Opportunistic and Cryptic, a proper gaming genre name should communicate what the player will be doing more than what they’ll be feeling

Calling Death Stranding a Strand game does convey, at least metaphorically, that the player is and will feel like a strand of thread woven into the fabric of their community, but that more gives the idea of what other players are doing. It’s a description that makes the player feel like their role in the fabric is passive, like the fabric is being woven around them rather than personally contributing to the fabric as a whole. This may be a consequence of seeing how others affect your world and never knowing what effect you have on others, but I think that makes the name even more important

If Death Stranding is called something more active, like an Echo or Ripple game, it makes it clear that the player’s actions (or at least context specific actions) will in some way reverberate and reach someone else, even if only insignificantly and in a way that they’ll never see. It makes the player into the one throwing the stone or shouting off the side of a cliff; even if they can’t see the ripple or hear the echo, they’ll see or hear someone else’s sooner or later, and they’ll know they aren’t alone

Sure, this is still a metaphor the same as Strand game, and therefore doesn’t convey as much as say “in a Shooter, you shoot,” but if it can only be described in the sense of the vibe the player gets, I’d rather know what action I’m taking to get that vibe

Furthermore, Strand has a lot of definitions, including “being left in isolation,” the exact opposite of what Kojima wants to convey with that genre name, so not only is it too passive for my taste, it also is just too easily muddled to get across what it’s supposed to

Echo and Ripple are also just more versatile terms since they can be verbs or adjectives, while Strand in the definition it’s meant to use can only be a noun

For example, officially Death Stranding is an Open World Action game. if we want to convey that Death Stranding has asynchronous multiplayer without saying “asynchronous multiplayer,” would it sound better to say that it’s an Open World Action Strand game, or an Echoing Open World Action game? To me, the adjective is a lot easier to append to the existing nouns of “Open World” and “Action” than a third noun would be

I also think that a noun is more suited to a primary or secondary gameplay loop than whatever part you’d consider asynchronous gameplay to be. Technically speaking, the asynchronous gameplay in Death Stranding is entirely optional; it’s necessary for the message and the experience that Kojima wants to convey to the player, but the game can be completed entirely without it to my knowledge. What you’re actually doing is traversing an open world (the primary loop and the focus of the game) and engaging in action sequences against other characters (the secondary loop, an obstacle to your attempts at traversal in the primary loop)

You can intentionally leave items for other players and you can feel assured that your tower or road or what-have-you will be a positive influence for someone else, but the assistance you provide and receive is meant to enhance the other two loops. It would be very difficult if not impossible to develop a game where “influencing other players’ experiences” is a gameplay loop without another loop present to define what you’re influencing

Naming a genre an adjective helps to give context to the type of experience the other gameplay loops will provide, while making it a noun implies that it’s the experience itself. Calling Death Stranding a Strand game implies that the Strand mechanic is the central experience of the game, when the reality is that a lot of players may not even realize that the items they found were left by another player and not deliberately programmed to be in the game. Calling it an Echoing Action game, though, tells you that you’ll be engaging in combat and that your actions may echo into another player’s experience while still emphasizing the action as the more central and universal experience while still leaving the possibility for someone to develop a way to create a pure Echo experience

Do I think Echo or Ripple will catch on? Probably not, I’m not exactly an influencer, but I do think that as more developers try to take cues from Kojima’s work, more varied methods of utilizing the elements he introduced are bound to crop up, and “Strand” won’t seem like the most appropriate or elegant word choice anymore. All I ask is that when that day comes, people don’t feel too overwhelmed or conflicted  about what the best word would be and default to Strandlike

[amelia-pinches]

TW// SEXUAL ASSAULT AND RAPE

I found some things that I find to be extremely disturbing and wrong today, and I wanted to address them. These posts have content containing rape and sexual assault. I included the posts because I think it’s important to talk about, however, if they are too upsetting or triggering for anyone, let me know. I blocked out the usernames in those posts because I do not want any hate going towards those accounts. Most of those accounts are deactivated or inactive anyways, but there is a chance that the people who contributed to those made new accounts. If that is true, I want to say that I like to believe people change and grow for the better. I do not hate the people who posted this, despite the fact that I am utterly disgusted. I do not know these people. I do not know how old they were, nor do I know what they were going through when they made this. I do not know who they are today. I like to think that they look back on that, and they are disgusted at it. I like to think that they have changed and are a different person now with different beliefs. If you are one of the people, please know this isn’t meant to be a “cancel” post or a hateful post. However, I cannot see that, and pretend that I am not utterly bothered. I cannot pretend how it hurts me, as a sexual assault survivor. I cannot pretend that it doesn’t paint a damaging image of sexual assault and rape. Therefore, I think it is necessary to talk about it and address it to the fandom. The HOA fandom has done wonders for me since I recently joined. I genuinely consider some of mutuals as friends. The people I have met in the HOA fandom have been some of the best people I have ever met in my entire life. I do not think that these posts accurately reflect anything for the HOA fandom, in the past or present. Please note that this post contains very heavy topics and may be extremely triggering for some to read. It is triggering me for me to write about it. The pictures included may not be graphic, but they are upsetting and disgusting. 

I was trying to find screencaps of K.T. for a twitter mutual when I came across this account. The account seemed harmless enough; some of the posts I found to be quite amusing, actually. Then, I came across this photo of Rufus holding Patricia by her arms with his hand over her mouth. In the corner of this photo was a “Brazzers” logo. When I first saw this, I froze. I couldn’t believe my eyes. To implicate that would be consensual in any way is awful. Furthermore, it brings up the question on how this person feels about rape and sexual assult. Often times, in porn and in media, there is this perspective of rape that makes it seem like it is just another form of sex. I will not hate on anyone if they have a headcanon that Rufus raped Patricia. If I am being honest, that headcanon helped me cope in a way. Seeing my favorite character being able to heal, and for my own personal headcanon/hoa world, to see her become a strong woman who has healed from her trauma has helped me cope and heal with my own trauma. If you are someone who does not like this canon, I respect that and think that is 100% valid. What I will NOT stand for is the glorification of this headcanon.

I decided to look at the reblogs on the post to see what people were saying. What I found made me sick to my stomach.

“Is there something you need to tell Eddie, Patricia?” To suggest that would be something other than rape and that is something to tease someone about, like it is a dirty secret, like it is an embarrassing hookup story or a crazy night. The response was by an account acting as Patricia, to which it said, “I think I’ll leave that to ‘your uncle’”. This frankly boggles my mind. I do not know how to describe it, if I am being honest. There are so many things wrong with this that I don’t know where to start. I do not know what the perfect sentence would be to explain why this isn’t okay, or how damaging it is. I do not how to concisely describe my thoughts and feelings on this. This sad part is, this wasn’t even the worse thing I read. When someone is raped or sexually assaulted, it makes them feel worthless, dirty, cheap. It changes your life. It affects how you view others and how you go about situations. It affects how you see yourself. It affects your entire life, and some people never truly recover. 

For “Patricia” to blow it off like it is nothing, worries me. I am worried because I am afraid people don’t understand how ruinous rape and sexual assault is on a human being. It worries me because I know first hand how it can destroy you, and others see it as nothing or as if it just a variation of sex. 

It is common in media to have this portrayal of rape. It is glorified and romanticized. It can be subtle or direct; sometimes it is just a slide remark made by a character or person, or sometimes a rape victim will be shamed or ridiculed for being raped. We take in this perspective as we grow up, and consequently, it shapes the way we view people. It causes us to dehumanize the victim rather than the rapist. 

Its why I want to reiterate that I do not hate the people who made this, nor do I see them as bad people. They probably were young and didn’t understand the gravity of this. They, like many of us, were ignorant because of what we are told and what we see. I think many people forget that the support towards victims as been very recent. The Me Too Movement may have started in 2006, but it didn’t become viral until 2016. Before then, survivors coming forward with their stories were very rare and people almost never believed them. A vast majority of people blamed them and/or shamed them for coming forward. It wasn’t really until 2017 with the Me Too Movement that we, as a society and culture, really saw a shift where people were coming out with their own stories, and where they were seen as valid. It is important to note that while today there are many people who are supportive of rape and sexual assault survivors, there is a still a good portion of people who belittle them and try to invalidate them. 

With that being said, I will talk about the next post I saw. This post made nauseous. My heart when I saw this because it is clear whoever made this did not truly understand rape. They did not truly understand how serious rape is. They did not understand that rape is not a joke. I think the best way to describe it is ignorance. 

In case y’all do not remember, Nick did a season 2 interactive web where they made connections to everyone in relation to their involvement with the mystery and sibuna/secret society. This person changed the relationship of Rufus to Patricia from “Kidnaps” to “Rapes”. The caption was “fixed the connections.” 

I know it may be hard to understand because I blocked out the usernames, but I’ll explain what each reply is. “WHAT EVEN?” is a blog acting as Eddie. “...” is a blog acting as Jerome. “..uhhh...” was a blog acting as Patricia. The one asking what the picture is about is a random blog as far as I can tell, probably genuinely asking what is about, but since so much time as passed since this post, it is possible the url changed. The last one is another blog posing as Eddie. 

There was another set of replies which was this:

The first comment is supposed to be “Eddie”. The second one was supposed to be victor, or it could have been another url at the time. The last one was supposed be Eddie again.

I don’t know what the first one is. At first, I took it as they all saw it as a joke, and were responding as they would imagine the characters would respond. (NOTE: No character accurately written would respond to this in manner). However, looking at it again, it could have been their way of maybe being uncomfortable or disagreeing with it. Except for the last one posing as Eddie, that one I know they took it as a joke and were making fun of the situation. 

As for the second one, I am once again lost for words. The casual use of “rape” scares me for the same reason it worries me. I think it is obvious who made this and commented on this saw rape as a joke and/or saw it as sex. Sex and rape are not the same. The second comment talking how its a small world because “Jerome’s uncle” raped Patrica and how it somehow all leads back to Eddie really angers me. The thing is, if you took the use of rape and replace with “Had sex with” or any variation of that, it would have the same meaning and tone as the original. That is very dangerous. Then the final comment where Eddie is upset at Patricia for not telling him about being raped is just tacky beyond words. It is cheap and ugly.

The overall tone of rape being a joke and the use of the word acting a synonym for sex is poisonous. It disparages what rape really is. It shrinks it down and changes its meaning. I do not blame the people who made this and commented this. Instead, I blame the way rape culture as taken over media and our lives for decades, centuries, generations. I blame the rapists who have power that put that attitude out there. It would be negligent for me to say these people had no responsibility or liability for posting this. However, I feel it would more negligent for me to say this is just them; that these people are the only ones who have made this jokes and who have believed these misconceptions about rape. 

There were other posts made by the account that I considered posting, however, I don’t want this to be a callout or an attempt to barbarize. The accounts that made that and commented were people. People with flaws, and people with assets. People who were susceptible and vulnerable to harmful media.

I don’t know who made these posts. I do not know if they ever faced backlash or consequences. I do not know if these people are still even in the HOA community. I didn’t scourge 2011 HOA posts to see if anyone else made posts similar to this, or if anyone called them out on it. I didn’t ask anyone who is was in the fandom at that time if anything happened. I don’t know if they still hold these beliefs. I don’t know if they even remember making these posts. It is why I blacked out their names. 

The people contributed to this are both culprit and victims of a much larger issue. On one hand, they were manipulated by media and rape culture. On the other, they help perpetuate it. It is why it needs to be addressed.

I am fairly new to the HOA community. I know that some day my blog will become a lost blog deleted by bots. I know some day people won’t remember a lick of what I posted or who I was. I know this. I know also that behind the screens, we are all just people, with our stories and lives. I know that we all have made mistakes and have said things that weren’t okay because maybe we didn’t know it wasn’t okay or at the time, we were too stupid to care. I know in 5 years none of us will be the same person we are today. I know none of us are the same person we were 5 years ago. We grow and change, sometimes for the worse, but I like to think we eventually change for the better. 

These comments and posts made are just small flecks of similar posts made during that time, before that time, and still today. Rape jokes, pedophilia jokes, sexual jokes about a person’s body are all jokes that are made today. And they will be unfortunately made tomorrow. The way we make change is by informing people of what the true nature of these crimes are. We share stories, and support survivors of sexual assault. 

I mentioned that I was sexually assaulted. It is very hard for me to talk about, and I try to avoid it. However, today, I was reminded multiple times of how I am still traumatized by what happened to me. Yesterday, I planned on never really speaking out about it except for once in a blue moon. Today, my plans have changed. The truth of the matter is, I have been sexually assaulted many times. Many of those times I didn’t really realize what happened until much later. Even recently, I am now remembering something that happened to me as a child that I blocked for 14 years. Recently, I am now realizing how all of these have affected me and made me who I am today. I don’t think that if the Me Too Movement took off in 2017 that I would have ever realized. I don’t think that if I didn’t see other people sharing their own sexual assault stories that I would ever have the courage to post this. 

This is my own personal story and journey. I debated posting this because I still hold the fear that I would be judged or hated for speaking out. However, the things that have happened to me today have caused me to want to overcome that fear. My goal of sharing my own story is that it either helps anyone who is debating sharing theirs or to anyone who may need to hear someone’s story to be educated on rape culture. In the end, I talk about the events that happen to me today leading up to me discovering the posts, and why I felt it was necessary to talk about it. I know for some people it could be triggering or harmful to read this, so I put in italics, if anyone so chooses to skip over it. If you have made it this far and you don’t want to read my story, that is fine. I urge you to however to skip it and read the ending. 

When I was 14, I was desperate for friends and well, attention. I never had many friends growing up, and I never was considered attractive. I know it seems so trivial and ridiculous to care about something like beauty. Growing up, I had a lot of body image issues and self esteem issues - its something I still struggle with today. I didn’t have many friends, either. I was either too abrasive and weird, or in some cases, I didn’t have much in common with kids, thus boring or uninteresting. I was the weird kid in elementary school, then the emo kid in middle. My last year of middle school, I really started to want to be seen as a “girl”; I wanted to be seen as “sexy” or “attractive”. I wanted to be seen as someone who was someone you wanted to be around. I felt that before, nobody had seen me as such. I don’t know if that is necessarily true or false. However, that is how I felt.

 When I entered high school, for what seemed like the first time in my life, people were paying attention to me. People were complimenting me, and I was making friends. They weren’t all good friends, but, in my mind, they were friends. People who I thought liked me. I was getting hit on, which didn’t happen much before. I became addicted to the feeling of being liked and desired. For the longest time, I blamed and hated myself for that. I beat myself up for years because that strong desire to be desired led me to awful situations. For a while, I saw myself as what others, mainly men, saw me as: an object. I saw myself as a tool for entertainment, and I genuinely thought that I was here for the pleasure of others, not my own. 

I didn’t realize at the time that those boys weren’t into me because they liked me. They were into me because I was an easy target. I was an incoming freshman who was extremely insecure. Within the first semester, I was manipulated and tricked into many situations, most of them being sexual. I gained the reputation of being a “slut” or a “whore” by some of the people in my school. I was miserable. However, towards the end of the semester, things were starting to get better, or so I thought. 

A boy(I will call him R from now on) who had been a mutual friend of my friends asked me to hang out, I said yes. I honestly wasn’t looking for a relationship or a hookup, but rather, I was looking for a friendship. I had just started dating a guy, and we had been two or so weeks in. That night, he sexually assaulted me. After that, it happened two more times in the days following. 

I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to tell people the details of what happened or the full story. Partially because I have blocked so much of it out that I don’t remember that much anymore; I remember bits and pieces, but not everything. The other reason being because of what happened when I eventually spoke out.

A week later, I had told my boyfriend at the time. He had accused me of lying, and he told me that I was just saying he that so I wouldn’t have to admit I had cheated on him. After that, everything is a big blur. I remember R would text and call me constantly, demanding that I tell everyone I was lying. He harassed me constantly. I remember that many people who were my friends had turned against me. Almost everyone I had met had told me I was lying. When I went to a guidance counselor, she told me that I should be more careful hanging out with boys alone. There had also been people who had criticized me for not wanting to take it to court. They had told me that if R was guilty, he would be charged. When I told him that a court wouldn’t charge him (something the guidance counselor told me), they used it as proof to me “lying”. There were also people telling me that I was asking for it, and I deserved it. 

Eventually, they left me alone, for the most part. There was a group of people who had “supported” me. I started to pretend like it never happened. I quickly got a boyfriend, and acted like everything was fine. I thought that if I pretended like it never happened, everyone else would just forget about it. However, internally, I was seriously struggling. I was extremely suicidal and depressed. I found out months later the group I thought were my friends were actually the ones telling everyone and spreading rumors. Every action I made was used as proof of my supposed guilt. There was only one person who believe me at the end of the year.

Over the summer, I begged my parents to let me be home-schooled, which they didn’t let me. I didn’t go on any social media because when I did, I would see posts about me, talking about how “I lied about being raped”. I felt worthless. When I returned for my sophomore year, I remember I walked into my Algebra 2 class, and one of the main girls who had bullied me was in it. I remember she looked at me and grinned then walked over to a friend of hers and loudly whispered in his ear, “That’s the girl who lied about being raped.”

That year, I did everything I could to try and mend it. I attempted to become friends again with that group, including the girl. I did my best to forget it; however, nobody let me forget. I remember I was on a class trip with the best friend of the main bully and R, and we talked about it, briefly. I remember I was saying answers very vaguely, hoping she would eventually give up,I remember her saying, “Well, I heard it was because you lied about being raped by R.” I don’t remember what I told her after that. I honestly can’t remember what happened after that at all. 

I was constantly making friends then losing friends that year. I became defensive; I was constantly attacking anyone who I thought threatened me. I really began to have trust issues, and I ended up assuming the worst of some of the only good people in my life. Everyday, I came to school so anxious and scared. Towards the end of the year, I found a friend group, to which I was friends with for practically the rest of the my high school experience. I was known to be a hothead (which to be fair, I am) because the moment someone would insult me, I would go off on them. I figured that if I couldn’t defend myself then, I would do it now. I also never spoke about my assault again, until recently. I told two people from my high school friend group;  over the summer I told one person, and a few months ago, I had told the person to which I had been closest to since sophomore year. I have never told the rest of the group. I was always afraid that they secretly knew and they thought I was lying. I also was afraid that if I told them, and they already didn’t think I was lying, they would.

Truth be told, I don’t know if everyone I knew thought  I was lying. I was told everyone did, but that could have just been a way to make me feel powerless. I assume everyone does though .Even people who would have no idea that it happened, I assume they think I am lying about my assault despite the fact there is no way for them to have known. I’m still paranoid.If  I see people who were in the same group of friends or who knew the people who hurt me, I become 14 all over again.  The trust issues I got from that experience I still struggle with today. Because of my experience, I have self image issues. For the longest time, I assumed that if something happened, I would get blamed. I assumed that everyone was against me. I am working on that, and I have gotten a lot better, but it is still something I struggle with. Speaking out is very hard for me, and I don’t know if I could ever speak out publicly.

The reason why I included about my life beforehand, how insecure I was and how I wanted attention because for the longest time, I blamed myself because of those reasons. I felt like if I hadn’t been like that, none of this would have happened. I blamed myself that because I had sex prior to my assault, it somehow was my fault or that I somehow deserved it. I was a 14 year old girl who was scared, insecure, and lonely. I was manipulated and demonized. The people who hurt me were hurting themselves. I know this, yet I still question my experience and blame myself.

The reason why I wanted to call attention to these posts is because earlier in the day, I had been scrolling through my Facebook. I was trying to find something from my past, and I ended up going through my old feed. Reading posts I made during the time I was assaulted brought back old feelings. I found myself feeling so scared and powerless again. 

For some reason, I was compelled to look at the profile of the main girl who told everyone I lied about my assault and saw she came forward with her own assault, and how many people thought she was lying about her assault. I debated reaching out to her; I knew how she felt, but that was also because she made me feel that way. 

Two hours later, I came across those posts. I was already shaken up by relieving my trauma, and when I was those posts, I felt numb for a second. I was shocked, hurt, disgusted, and angry. Since HOA came out, I have always gone to it during times of need, even during the time of my assault. Some nights, I would reread fanfiction and look at any tumblr posts I could find. Doing this helped me cope with my life at that point.

When I saw those post, I felt like I had to say something, as a HOA fan and as a sexual assault survivor. The tone and content in those posts makes rape to appear to be the opposite of what it is. They glorified rape. The act as if rape means the same thing as sex. 

Awareness of sexual assault and rape victims along with their validation is improving. However, rape culture is still very ingrained in our culture. Many people do not know accurate facts about sexual assault and rape. Many people try to debate what is sexual assault. In order for change to happen, we need to recognize how rape culture has influenced our society and start making the victims and facts a stronger influence.

[wrathion]

I’m pretty new to wow. My friend convinced me to try it and I’m a bit hooked. Where would you recommend I start if I want to learn the lore?

welcome to the wow community, anon! 

there’s a lot of entry-points for lore, so i’ll split this post into different sections so you can pick what you think works best for you. if you want access to (most) of the books and whatnot, i made a post a while ago with links to all of them. i’ll get to updating it...one day.

1. wow chronicles

the easiest and most reliable way to catch up on all the lore and important universal concepts you need to know is the world of warcraft chronicles series. it has three volumes detailing everything from the universes’ creation all the way to cataclysm.

you should start this way if you:

like looking at gorgeous art

want something somewhat concise and to the point

just want a general overview of what’s going on

you should NOT start this way if you:

find it difficult to focus on reading

especially don’t like textbook-style reading

want to get into one, specific part of lore

2. the novels

this was one of the ways i originally got into the lore! the novels, while they have their faults, are generally very fun reads. there’s a lot of them but i highly recommend war crimes (christie golden) for a general recap of important novels and events pre-warlords of draenor. and if you want to get into one specific thing there’s tons of focused novels (such as arthas, rise of the lich king for arthas/lich king + scourge lore).

if you know of one character in specific you want to follow, check out this page, it shows every character as well as every possible bit of prose you can find them in.

you should start this way if you: 

enjoy reading fiction

would rather get to know the characters instead of just the history

want a versatile starting point, where you can focus on smaller events or bigger overviews

you should NOT start this way if you:

don’t have a lot of time to spare

find it difficult to focus on reading

just want to know the basics quickly

3. fandom wikipedias

if you want everything in its most up-to-date form, as well as little community fun facts and speculation, i highly recommend checking out wowpedia! the timeline is a good general starting point, but there’s other good starting points listed here.

wowwiki is also a good fandom wiki, but it’s a bit out of date in areas. wowpedia overall is more consistently managed.

you should start this way if you:

specifically enjoy going down wiki rabbitholes

love learning weird and obscure bits of lore

want to learn all the most up to date information

want a very versatile starting point, whether it be a general overview or specific details about characters or events

you should NOT start this way if you:

hate reading big blocks of text

don’t want 20 multiplying tabs open at once

get overwhelmed by information easily

want an official source

4. lore videos

i feel like this is how most of us get into the lore, it’s easy, straight to the point, and perfect to play in the background while you’re doing other things. nobbel87 is by far the best source of these. if you want absolutely everything, check out his lore of warcraft in chronological order series (parts one, two, three and four). for a more quick start, absolutely check out this video. otherwise, you can search practically any character, expansion, event, etc. on his channel and there will be a video describing it in detail.

i’ve also heard good things about the lost codex, though i haven’t personally delved into their stuff too much.

you should start this way if you: 

don’t like/want to read

want the information in an organized and concise form

want something to just play in the background (though there’s videos if you feel like watching too!)

you should NOT start this way if you

don’t have a lot of time to spare

want to get the info quickly

want an official source

5. playing/watching a play-through of warcraft 3

i admit, i did not get into the lore this way, but i know plenty of people who have! warcraft 3 introduces all the core concepts you need to know about azeroth’s life and history. it has two installments, reign of chaos and the frozen throne, as well as nine campaigns combined in both. the storyline follows the orcs, humans, undead and night elves. 

you should start this way if you:

want an interactive way of getting into the lore

would like to get to know both the characters and relevant events

have a lot of time to spare

you should NOT start this way if you:

don’t want to buy/watch a play-through of a game

specifically hate RTS games

do not have much time to spare

6. conclusion

wow lore is pretty complicated, but it’s honestly so worth it to get invested. i really hope you enjoy your time here in the fandom though :D!! 

i would like to specifically note that reading quest text while leveling is not a good idea for starting out, at least not until shadowlands comes out. the zones all take place at different points and time through the game’s history that it all muddles together. 

don’t worry about the three separate war chiefs in orgrimmar, or how the human starting narration mentions the “missing king varian” when varian’s most definitely dead and not missing. it all makes sense most of the time i swear

finally though, if you have absolutely any specific lore questions feel free to shoot me an ask! whether it be about a specific book or comic, or a complicated character timeline, i’m more than happy to help out.

[thesunnyshow]

Name: Juliet

Writing Blog URL(s): @wonderlustlucas

Nationality: American

Languages: English, beginner level French, teeny tiny bit of Korean

Star Sign: Virgo

MBTI: ISFJ-T

Favorite color: Pastel yellow

Favorite food: My mom’s Sunday gravy

Favorite movie: Howl’s Moving Castle (The Lion King is a close second though)

Favorite ice cream flavor: Specifically Turkey Hill’s Double Dunker (get it— it’s so good)

Favorite animal: Humpback whale

Go-to karaoke song: She’s Kinda Hot by 5 Seconds of Summer

Dream job (whether you have a job or not): Neurosurgeon! Or a Twitch streamer HAHA

Coffee or tea? What are you ordering?  Ahhh probably coffee, I love tea but I need my coffee </3

If you could have one superpower, what would you choose? Shapeshifting! Clearly the superior superpower I don’t take constructive criticism.

If you could visit a historical era, which would you choose? This is weirdly specific, but I would love to be in Scotland during the 1700’s. Alternatively, the 1980’s.

If you could restart your life, knowing what you do now, would you? 100%. I know everything happens for a reason but getting a redo and being able to fix all the big mistakes I made would be pretty nice.

Would you rather fight 100 chicken-sized horses or one horse-sized chicken? One horse-sized chicken! 100 tiny horses would be crazy tiring.

If you were a trope in a teen high school movie, what would you have been? I would probably be the gay side character that gives good emotional advice but is hella lonely LMAO

Do you believe in aliens/supernatural creatures? Yes, both!

What are some small things that make your day better? Driving with the windows down and music blasting, picking up coffee, playing video games, & talking to my internet friends on Discord.

Fun fact about yourself that not everyone would know? I discovered my love for writing through Warrior Cats roleplay😭

What fandom(s) do you write for? Right now, only Kpop, but I wouldn’t mind writing for 5SOS or some of my other fandoms!

When did you post your first piece? On WattPad, December 2015. On Tumblr, April 2018 :)

Do you write fluff/angst/crack/general/smut, combo, etc? Why? I write everything! Fluff/smut/crack is my favorite and slight angst (usually just slow burn though cus I’m soft).

Do you write OCs, X Readers, Ships...etc? Again, I write anything and everything! Currently, second or third person reader inserts are my main style, but I also do ships and would love to write more OCs.

Why did you decide to write for Tumblr? Before Tumblr, I was on WattPad for different fandoms but eventually fell off. Then, when I got into Kpop in 2017, I found that urge to write again and decided to move to Tumblr since WattPad was becoming… weird. Plus Tumblr was a better fit for me!

What inspires you to write? To be completely honest, it’s the little things throughout the day that inspire me. For example, “Honey” was inspired by me not being able to open my locker in high school. “I Hemoglobin You” was based off my friend giving me a head rub while I was donating blood. Kpop idols just so happen to be my muses that I like to put into random moments of inspiration!

What genres/AUs do you enjoy writing the most? High school or college AUs are my favorite, along with some good ol’ friends to lovers slow burn. Angst isn’t my forte so I usually just stick to fluff, smut, and some crack. I haven’t written any but fantasy AUs are some of my favorites too! (RIP to my League of Legends AU that I started and haven’t touched in months.)

What do you hope your readers take away from your work? Just like other fanfiction authors inspire me, I hope some of my work inspires others. Considering fanfiction is free, there is so much out there to read and when I find a good story that inspires ME to write better, I’d love for my writing to do the same.

What do you do when you hit a rough spot creatively? 3 options: 1) Skip that scene and jump ahead to one I’m excited to write; 2) Erase what part I’m on and completely redo it; or 3) Drop it. The majority of my works usually take a few months to write as I will completely stop working on it until I find the right inspiration again. 

What is your favorite work and why? Your most successful? “Four” is definitely my favorite work. It’s one of my longer pieces and there was a lot of raw emotion in there on my end. I love the relationship between Hyunjin and the reader and especially love the ending. “Greatest Gift” for Chanyeol is my most successful, and one of my other favorites!

Who is your favorite person to write about? Easily Hwang Hyunjin. It’s so easy to place him in any of my works, and sometimes it’s a struggle to NOT write him. It sounds stupid but sometimes I really feel like I “know” him so being able to describe him physically and mentally is easy for me.

Do you think there’s a difference between writing fanfiction vs. completely original prose? Yes and no. Yes, because most of the time, fanfiction is totally original as well and requires just as much thought as a 400,000 word novel. No, because fanfiction uses a specific person as a muse.

What do you think makes a good story? Detail and realistic dialogue! Of course, everyone has their own style of writing, but detail is especially important to me. Sure, you can have a great plot, but having concise, detailed writing to get immersed into makes a story so much better. I also find realistic dialogue to be a big deal— I hate when teenage characters are speaking in deep analogies because, if we’re being honest, my daily language is 95% just “Bruh.” If you’re like me, I’d actually prefer realistic dialogue over anything else.

What is your writing process like? Process… yikes. Sometimes… I have a random thought and then I’m like… hell yeah let’s write that. I actually have no process. I don’t outline, I just start writing and keep writing until I’m finished. Then I’ll read it all over to make edits, then I’ll use the Read Aloud feature to catch any mistakes I missed, then I’ll run it through Grammarly before posting!

Would you ever repurpose a fic into a completely original story? Hm, maybe? In the future, possibly, but as of right now I wouldn’t use any of my fics to do so.

What tropes do you love, and what tropes can’t you stand? Oh, gosh, tropes. Gotta love them. Friends to lovers, enemies to lovers, stuck together (AKA forced to share a bed), and fake relationships are my favorites. They may be corny, but I also love truth or dare or 7 minutes in heaven games in fics cus… they’re just classics. Also love fics with a popular x shy pairing. I can’t say I dislike many tropes, but I definitely have a love/hate relationship with vampire and werewolf tropes because of how romanticized they are.

How much would you say audience feedback/engagement means to you? Hm, to be completely honest, only a little bit? I mainly write for myself, it’s like a guilty pleasure to just get all my thoughts and desires out, and then I just so happen to make it public on Tumblr. Nevertheless, receiving comments and asks actually make my day, and sometimes I still struggle to wrap my mind around people enjoying my writing! So, thank you to everyone who has ever left me a kind message, I truly appreciate it ♥

What has been one of the biggest factors of your success (of any size)? Getting involved! I think one of the best ways to grow is to join networks, which not only gives you the opportunity to share your work on a greater scale, but also allows you to make connections. Like real life, making connections and making friendships with other writers can play a huge role in growing as a writer and growing your account.

Do you think fanfic writers get unfairly judged? Yes :( As someone who’s involved with other fandoms, I’ve heard the way some people think of fanfiction and it’s really sad. People do not know how much goes into writing and just see it as cringey and disgusting when it’s just… not.

Do you think art can be a medium for change? Yes! In all its forms, art is something a creator can use to influence their audience (in a good way, hopefully).

Do you ever feel there are times when you’re writing for others, rather than yourself? Like I said in #40, I mainly write for myself. Even when I’m writing a request, chances are if I like the request enough I’m going to create a story out of it that fits my personal desires the most.

Do you ever feel like people have misunderstood you or your writing at times?  No! However, I’d still consider myself a small account and do not have TOO many works posted. But so far, I don’t think I’ve faced this problem :)

Do your offline friends/loved ones know you write for Tumblr? Only a few! My best friend Maggie is on Tumblr with me and only 2 of my other pals know I write fanfiction.

What is one thing you wish you could tell your followers? How much I love each and every one of them for supporting me and sticking around even when I won’t post for months🥺❤️

Do you have any advice for aspiring writers who might be too scared to put themselves out there? Don’t psych yourself out! In the time I’ve spent on Tumblr, I’ve never received any substantial hate. My main advice is don’t write fanfiction to get popular on the app, write fanfiction because you love to write and love your muses!

Are there any times when you regret joining Tumblr? No, as much as Tumblr can be annoying at times, I love the people I’ve met and the content I’ve found and wouldn’t have wanted to use any other platform.

Do you have any mutuals who have been particularly formative/supportive in your Tumblr journey? @pinktea99 — Mo, you’ve been around since the beginning honestly, and without you I wouldn’t have been able to come out of my shell! Thank you for all your love & support & for being my SF9 buddy❤️

Pick a quote to end your interview with: 

“Like mate, stop procrastinating.” — 3RACHA

BONUS ROUND: K-POP CONFIDENTIAL 

[booksoanahasread]

When Dimple Met Rishi by Sandhya Menon

I guess that the majority of readers sometimes hit a point where they don’t want to continue reading the same genre for the next couple of days. I’d read basically only fantasy since about the half of December onward. I have quite a few more fantasy books left on my shelf that I have to get to, but none of them made me want to read. So I downloaded an eBook and chose When Dimple Met Rishi, thinking I knew something about it, having watched the Mismatched series on Netflix. 

I think that was more than enough backstory. I loved this book wholeheartedly, it was funny and sweet and so much more. The plot was actually really nicely written and the characters were so thoroughly described as three dimensional. It was a light read that forces you to remember everything you love about reading: not wanting to put the book down, forgetting about other responsibilities, and escaping the confines of your world.

The author is phenomenal, her writing is wonderful and concise. I love the fact that she didn’t really take ages to describe things, especially from Dimple’s perspective. I love how she gives her characters the motivation to do what they should accomplish. The wit in this novel is amazing and it can make you laugh so hard that you remember that your parents are sleeping. 

I loved the whole ‘arranged marriage’ trope, it was perfectly structured and well-thought out. I know that this is something that still happens in some cultures, so I find it truly fascinating and on some level understandable. The way the story plays out somehow diminishes the so-called necessity for the marriage, but even so, its implications are still felt throughout the novel. 

Dimple is one of the most headstrong characters I’ve met and I love her for that. She’s strong, she knows what she wants, and she’s incredibly intelligent.  I find her absolutely adorable and her determination to win the Insomnia Con was beyond anyone’s possible perception. Being the naturally curious person she is, in the novel describes herself : “Dimple found herself questioning them -- and really, everything -- all the time. Mamma often lamented that her first word had been <<why>>.” In this quote we can clearly see the differences between Dimple and her mother, but also the natural inquisitiveness that she has. 

I found her relationship with her mother rather interesting and intriguing. It was crystal clear that they both loved each other, but they seemed to be not only on different pages, but probably in different libraries. When they finally have a deep conversation about their feelings, they then finally come to understand one another which was moving. 

You can’t not love Rishi. He’s the gentleman that every girl wants to meet. He cares about consent, he cares about Dimple deeply, he cares about being a good person. Best of all is probably the fact that he is willing to fight for Dimple, while that may not be seen as something to be proud of, it really is. I loved how he just accepted everything at face value, whenever he didn’t understand something he would ask. He was remarkably mature for a high school graduate. 

Rishi’s relationship with his brother was problematic at times, but that’s what having siblings is like. Sometimes you just want to scream at them, even though you know your parents would kill you. I loved their dynamic and their arguments, they were entertaining to be honest. 

Rishi and Dimple were endgame from the beginning, but it was cemented when Dimple quoted Emily Bronte in her mind “Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.” It was clear that she was so deeply in love with him. They were actually perfect for each other, they helped one another grow into better people which was admirable. I loved the way that they were just so wholesome and not excessive with the displays of affection. 

I could go on for days proclaiming my love for this novel, but I think you get the jist. I must add one more thing though, the secondary characters were amazing. I loved the depth with which the author portrayed them, especially Celia and Ashish. 

To conclude, if you are in the mood for something nice, light, and fun, you should give this book a shot. I loved it so much. I hope you guys do as well. 

[davidmann95]

All-Star Superman #2

A scant year to the day since part 1!

All evidence to the contrary I actually have always wanted to go back to this, especially since I keep getting asked if I’ll do so and it stirs my omnipresent sense of guilt over my lack of productivity, and also the last year has not resulted in a mass turnaround of people realizing it’s a for-real good book and not just comfort food so this remains necessary. This isn’t going to be quite as in-depth as the first go-around - both that as the introductory issue and that as the introductory recap had a lot of groundwork to lay - but still plenty to cover, as this issue sets up Lois and Superman’s arcs for the series, which is rooted (amazingly, especially right off the bat, given the book’s reputation of being about how amazing Superman is) in how badly Superman’s let his fears and shortsightedness poison the most important relationship in his life.

If the first issue is the big classic Superman material - Superman saving the day from the monster! Lois and Clark and the rest of the Daily Planet crew! Lex Luthor’s sinister schemes! A ticking clock to doom! - this scales all the way down to the uncomfortably, stiflingly intimate. Classic archetypal Superman stuff gives way to the most Silver Age issue: casual huge ideas, relationship drama, misunderstandings, last-minute reveals that recontextualize the entire issue, and baaaarely latent psychodrama bubbling up at the edges. In service of that the visual framing here is not unlike a stage play, a limited set of physically connected locales as a pair of figures bounce off one another. Quitely and Grant’s work is therefore comparatively subdued next to issue #1, keeping to traditional panel layouts and wide or medium shots with a background color palate of mostly blacks and whites and grays with a handful of other colors popping out...until Lois starts to lose her shit at the end of the issue and we get close-ups and full black and white panels and eerie glowing and dutch angles and that unsettling abstract image of her clenched teeth, as the story starts to squeeze us like Lois’s gut.

She’s right to be unsettled for that matter; she’s alone on Superman’s turf (the one issue where that’s the case other than #6, and that one’s about how Smallville stopped being his home), the weird antiseptic alien lair of the ultimate super-hobbyist, and all the baggage of their relationship is spilling out into the open as she has less and less reason to think the best of this odd man who’s been lying to her for years. Unlike the Silver Age tales this is referencing, she’s absolutely on the money with her complaints about him: he’s been dicking around with her forever and thinks it can all be okay now (His little “What?” on the second page when she bursts his bubble says it all), and he’s awkwardly overcompensating trying to fix it.

While the Fortress tour serves to peacefully acclimate us to how utterly bizarre Superman’s world really gets past the traditional rescues (the little cubic starfield we don’t know the meaning of yet, trophies are floating rather than physically suspended, the glowing flowers in Lois’s room, “The Phantom Zone map room’s pretty dull unless you can see radio-negative anti-waves”), Superman himself is...humblebragging isn’t the right way of putting it, but it feels like he’s working way, way harder than he ever will again in this book to be cool and impressive and assuring. He’s a dope in love, but he can tell something’s up and that super-brain of his isn’t putting the obvious pieces together, or noticing that this is just putting her off further and further until, like Bluebeard’s wife before her, she stumbles through the threshold of the door she was never meant to, even of course in the end he’s still Superman and there’s a perfectly good reason. Not a good enough reason, however, for her accusations at dinner to not hit home - his mind may be expanding, but he’s still way up his own ass here in a genuinely unpleasant way that’ll be elaborated on momentarily. For now he’s left stammering that she should trust him and it’s limp and phony, especially compared to his big entreaty for someone to trust him in #10 (which’ll be right after he finally comes clean with her); while Superman may not be considered a savior figure by his friends in here the way he often is in the mainline comics Lois seems to be the only one who doesn’t look up to him at least a little bit, but that clarity means she’ll call him out where no one else will.

Across the next two pages it’s all laid out, and we get to the roots of where things have gone wrong between the two of them. Lois is paranoid, certainly, the panels are literally squeezing in on her, but with Superman seeming so out-there and alien like never before she would have every right to be even sans alien chemicals. But notably there remains throughout a part of her assuming the best of him wondering if maybe this is just another big misunderstanding or that he’s simply been mutated by the solar overexposure. And in her heart of hearts, she admits that maybe she wants this to be another big damn trick with a completely sensible justification, because the alternative is that this is the new normal and she has to accept that he’s a flawed mortal man. It’s ugly and it’s mean - especially since she likes Clark - and it’s human as hell in the worst, most understandable way. It’s not going to be until said mortality is staring her in the face that she’ll be able to accept it.

Superman, meanwhile...someone could write a thesis on these panels as an articulation of the Superman/Clark dynamic. The Mirror of Truth is actually preexisting, centerpiece of a Jerry Siegel/Curt Swan joint in Action Comics #269 that was later adapted into the Superman newspaper strip where Lois uses it to figure out Superman is Clark Kent until he tricks her into believing the mirror can lie, after which he tosses it in a volcano; here it’s survived, and curiously shows him as Superman rather than Clark, when in the original tale it displayed Kent even though that was fully the era of Clark as a disguise. In here too it’s Superman who’s the ‘true’ identity of the two and which this time is reflected in the mirror, yet as in #1 it’s Clark who says what he’s truly feeling. In that light, the final panel of the abandoned glasses reads like nothing so much as Superman using the mirror as affirmation that the truth of the solemn, steadfast Superman identity gives him licence to deny the uncomfortable emotions his squishy human farmboy side is dredging up, ‘lying’ to him in a way he had to fake in the source material. Those emotions however knock right on the door of what he can’t grasp here: Clark’s so wrapped up in his own head trying to do the ‘right’ thing that he’s overlooking how his attempts at self-sacrificing selflessness are hurting the people around him. Throughout the series he’ll come to rely on others, first at his lowest points with Jimmy and the Bizarros, until at last he comes to invest true trust in Lois, and the Kandorians, and Leo Quintum, and even Lex.

For now though Lois is deep in a hole, a brief but memorable meeting with the Unknown Superman of 4500AD - everything Superman seems to be becoming to her even before she wonders if it’s literally him, cryptic and masked and with a big ‘ol question mark right on his chest instead of the familiar comforting logo, even his gutbuster of a question reinforcing his distance from a recognizable human experience - leading her all the way to reimagining her Silver Age ideal happy ending of marriage and family with Superman as a Cronenbergian horror. It’s still a Superman story, it turns out he had the very best reason possible for wanting to keep her in the dark, but right through to the end he remains just a little condescending in his reassurance, and his gift of essentially bringing her up to his ‘level’ isn’t going to solve the problem. While the next issue lets us see the two of them properly in love, it won’t be until the elephant in the room comes out that they can come to terms.

Additional notes

* God Quitely is so good. Look at the way the seatbelt curves in the first panel! Lois’s bemused little disbelieving smirk!

* Pages 2-3: Aurora Borealis?!

* Lois is the only character other than Superman who gets to have actual narration (in both cases as looks at their in-text writing), the only one whose viewpoint is thus privileged in the same way as his.

* The key is the realization of this series’ aesthetic in a nutshell: the old-school idea in a sleek, shiny, clever new way that doesn’t take away from the fantastical toyeticness of it all. For that matter, the key is the centerpiece of a later bit with Superman that could be fairly described as the long-term goal of the book book as Morrison’s hoped-for perennial: “One day some future man or woman will open that door, with that key. When they do, I want them to know how it felt to live at the dawn of the age of superheroes.”

* This is A. The first note of a larger DC universe existing offscreen, something that I’ll go into more when discussing #8, B. A brilliant, concise, fun little summation of his place in Superman’s world, and C. Absolutely hilarious given Morrison suggested in his exit interview that this could be seen as much later on in the same universe as All-Star Batman & Robin The Boy Wonder, which entirely rewrites the tone of that moment.

* Already discussed the key but the muscles in Superman’s hand tensing a bit at picking it up is another great detail.

* The glimpse of the Fortress here is excellent: the statues of his friends and enemies instead of pictures because he does things bigger with the yellow electric something crackling at the end of it, the off-model but curious-looking robot appearing to glance at Kandor (are it and the bigger robot with the seats on top of it trophies, or Superman Robots with different designs tasked for specific purposes?), the classic Bad Penny Good For One Crime, the Legion time bubble that establishes his time-traveling credentials for later, the Titanic where he and Lois will dine when their relationship hits a proverbial iceberg, and most strikingly the space shuttle Columbia, his apparent rescue of which I have to imagine is a reference to Astro City’s Superman analogue Samaritan debuting by averting the Challenger disaster.

* It’s next issue that has my actual favorite Superman/Lois moment of all time, but “When we’re married fifteen years, when I’m sagging and he looks just the same, will he still meet me and say things like...” “These are for you. I picked them on Alpha Centauri 4.” is right up there.

* The technological aesthetic of the Fortress is so different than P.R.O.J.E.C.T., sleek and solid and cleanly-lit and antiseptic, beautiful and advanced but a little cold in its own way. As stuffed with wonder as this place may be, there’s something hauntingly empty about it, suiting both the tone of the issue and as a physical embodiment of Superman’s emotional state. The one part that goes against it is the forbidden room, it even has beakers and test tubes to sell the mad scientist vibe...though if you were to stretch it, it much more close resembles the human technology seen at P.R.O.J.E.C.T., and this is meant as a gift for one.

* The cosmic anvil made it along with the key into the CWverse, Lois used it in Elseworlds! I may not be expecting All-Star quality from the upcoming Superman and Lois, but it’s good to know the powers that be are using it as a reference point (beyond how it inspired Supergirl’s take on Cat Grant, a connection I discussed in a post that seems to have vanished into thin air). The whole page is perfect, Superman at his most joyfully benign and beautiful and godlike; it’s the one bit where Lois’s skepticism cracks a touch watching him feed his adorable little Lovecraftian abomination from beyond the stars.

* While he never appears physically aside from a statue Brainiac hovers over this series from beginning to end in name and deed, the ominous ultimate enemy of Superman’s past, the great trial overcome even as the scars forever remain. Morrison mentioned in the exit interview that he didn’t appear in here because he and Quitely already used him as the villain of JLA: Earth 2, but that if he had it would have borrowed Superman: The Animated Series’ take on him as a Kryptonian AI gone rogue. Personally I like his place in here as-is, a little totem parallel to the Justice League references indicating the breadth of Superman’s history between putting on the cape and Luthor’s final scheme.

* A pair of minor notes: Lois points at Superman with the pointy fork when asking him pointed questions, and while it’s not immediately clear on first read she does in fact ask the Unknown Superman exactly 3 questions (“Kal Kent?” “Will Superman and I ever marry and have children?” “What do you mean?”) before he replies with his own, as promised.

* “Oww.” and “Tickles.” literally could not be more perfect Superman moments.

* Worth taking a moment to marvel at just how many future plot elements are seeded here. There’s the obvious bit of Superman thinking about having a partner setting up the next issue, but we also for issue #6 have our first look at Kal Kent and Lois wondering “What if (the Unknown Superman) was really (Superman)?” when Clark will indeed pose as him, for #10 we get our first look at Qwewq, and for #11 not only is the Sun-Eater introduced but so is Robot 7′s malfunction as a result of Luthor’s tampering.

* The structure of the series according to Morrison is a solar cycle, beginning and ending at midday with nightfall in the center. If last issue was the sun at its brightest we begin the descent here, with Superman remaining larger-than-life and ultimately trustworthy but with his classic persona and habits held to an additional, unflattering degree of scrutiny.

[colony22graphics]

            ❝Shine on,                  diamond.❞

◆ member since: nov. 22, 2013 ◆ longest character: alexander donovan ◆

@alexander-donovan, Well, here we go. 

Rory, there's no way on earth I could possibly describe what you've done for this community. Aside from making it all in the first place, constructing the post-apocalyptic sandbox we all hold so dear, you also pay attention to how it's executed---from basic principles of operation and how we ought to respect each other as players, down to the smallest, weirdest headcanon. It matters to you---which I think is probably the best way to summarize your energy and wisdom, the Rory-ness of it all: 

Things matter. People matter. Caring matters. 

In a world where we're pretty damn used to moving from one diversion to the next at a moment's notice, you make something that's absolutely set apart by saying, resolutely and passionately, that what we do here really matters.

And you're right, to think that. If you need any further proof that you---Rory---matter, you can look at me writing this damn letter (and swearing every three sentences, sorry). But you in your extremely Ro way, said hey, six years fucking matters, and so do all the people we play with, so let’s get mushy on the main and tell them. And I can tell you to your face you're right and this was a stellar idea because... I do that now. Because of your influence, I'm a better person, one who does actually try and tell people what I think. 

You challenge people to care, and to translate their caring into something others can recognize, and reciprocate. You’re never afraid to point out the importance of saying things and leaving a meaningful mark, becoming an active part of our community instead of staying in our own heads (as introverts on the internet are prone to doing).

You're also a hell of a writer, which is inspirational in itself, and I can’t leave that out of it. Your dedication to your characters, to their motivations and struggles, shines through in every post you make, and you don't let fear or insecurity take root or stop you from doing what you love. You know it's not about achieving perfection, but about collaboration and growth. The way we write is an exercise in discipline and embracing the joys of language, it's not meant to be fine art (though a lot of the stuff you come up with off the cuff blurs the line between the two on a regular basis.) It's really very rude how talented you are. 

I won't talk too much more about you and me personally because you already know it pretty well, but I will mention that when I offered to help out with tech stuff, you don't even know how impossible being a full mod felt for me, at the time. I'd just come out of some rough experiences and was ready to never do that again. But over the years, you gave me steps that I could take only when I felt comfortable, and let me accept only the responsibility that I thought I could manage (though you always told me you knew I was more than capable of handling it). In a very real way, with your patience and understanding, you gave me back my confidence, and my willingness to be vulnerable. That's something I won't ever forget.  

You have my respect and my friendship, always.

And dear lord, if Tumblr has managed not to self-destruct in the next five or ten years, I really hope we're still around doing this shit. No place I'd rather be.

Love you, Ro.

<3 Lottie.

(Oh, by the way, I took the liberty of adding something else, under the cut. I knew that I would never be able to cover everything, and that I’d run out of words, so I turned to others to fill in the gaps and maybe it’ll help convey it all a little more properly. Many thanks to everyone.)  ❤

         —-     Happy Colony 6th Anniversary      —-

     RO, YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE GIFT. I’m incredibly grateful all those years ago I saw that Bones bio and decided to join this crazy little family because that is exactly what you have created with the Colony: You have made a family. You have always been a pleasure to write with, a hard-working and careful admin, and now this second go-round I'm happy to call you a good friend. I wanted to mirror your sentiment on my anniversary post, it is amazing how time rewards our patience with this second meeting! I owe you a very real debt because thanks to this group when a friend let me down whilst I was on a different goddamn continent, thanks to you, I found Cassie there to help me out! The group is an extension of you: thoughtful, kind, emotional, and funny as hell.                                                                                                             - Nicola

     Rory, your dedication to the Colony (and previously Belvedere) astounds me every day. Writing with you is an absolute joy, thank you for all that you do for us!!                                                                                                             - Cassie

     RO HOLY COW!! It's insane to think of being part of something so wonderful for so long, I can't imagine how proud you must be to call this place home. I absolutely love writing with every character I've gotten to interact with, you approach your characters and this RPG with such a passion, it's always made getting to be part of it all the more special to me! To many years to come!                                                                                                              - Molly

     The things I admire most about you are your kindness, your compassion, your understanding and the way you always make the best of a situation. You've been nothing but welcoming and kind to me since I've had the privilege of joining this insanely talented and incredible group, and every day I am in awe of the love and care and detail you pour into the rpg. You have been so supportive over these past few months, every day I consider myself insanely lucky to have met you. I adore you and I'm so happy for you that you've come so far in your own personal journey, you truly do deserve all the happiness in the world.                                                                                                             - Lou

     Ro, you’re an absolutely wonderful mod and person. I’ve never met a more dedicated and creative mod in all my years on this website. You’re an astounding writer and creator who leaves me wanting to be better. You’re a wonderful person to write with and an even better friend. I love you and all the work you do for everyone in this group. Thank you for creating this fantastic place and starting this wonderful family.                                                                                                              - Lee

     Thanks for always being so open and welcoming! It's been such a blast writing with you.                                                                                                             - Ren

     Your commitment to this game and its players is absolutely next level, and it shines through in literally everything you do for us. I haven’t felt so at home and so comfortable in an RP in such a long time, possibly ever, and I know so much of that has to do with the amazing environment (both IC and OOC) you’ve spent such a long time painstakingly and lovingly cultivating. This RP wouldn't be the incredible space it is without such an incredible and dedicated team of mods. I hope you know how much I appreciate all you do, and how much I flippin' love ya!                                                                                                              - Alex

     Rory, you're a perfect admin and an amazing friend! You've always made me feel so welcome here, from day one, and my heart feels warm and fuzzy when I think of you. I utterly adore all your characters and your writing is just brilliant, it's always so much fun to brainstorm and write and plot with you. Thank you, thank you, thank you!                                                                                                              - Ellie

     When an rp has a lifespan of not just a year or two, but SIX FREAKIN YEARS, you must look to your leader. Ships don’t sail without a captain, and you have been the most loyal, loving, and adventurous captain to your crew. Congratulations on this amazing accomplishment, love. xoxo.                                                                                                              - Amy

     Rory, I just wanted to thank you for how welcome you've made me feel since I joined the group. It takes a special person to be an admin (dedicated, patient, and just a little bit weird), and the six years you've been running this group is a testament to how well you do it. You've got incredible creativity and passion, and I know I'm not the only one that feels so lucky to write with you in this world you've built. Congratulations on six years! Here's to many more.                                                                                                             - Nick

     RORUUUUU. I literally have no idea where my life would be now if I'd never met you. I've said it before and I'll say it again, you inspire me to be braver and stronger and more self-loving. Thank you for being my friend even after all these years.                                                                                                             - Mika

I don’t think I can concisely put into words how much you mean to me, but I’ll try: we first met in 2012 and through all these years you’ve continually inspired me with your talent and hard work. You’re more than just an incredible friend, you’re an ICONIC leader that has the determination and talent to keep this group running for six amazing years (with the help of your equally talented and wonderful co-mod, naturally, wink wonk). The Colony is a family to me, and I think to all of us, even before it’s a writing group. It couldn’t be what it is today without someone as tirelessly understanding and creative at its helm. You’re an absolute gift, you’ve been there for me through thick and thin, and I’m grateful every day that I get to call you a friend.                                                                                                             - Maddie

     Ro, you have been so kind and amazing since day one! You have this astonishing energy and a kindness that honestly makes the colony feel like another home. You’re such a phenomenal writer, and have made this rp a community like no other. I can’t quite put into words how much I appreciate you, and how much effort you put into everything you do. You’re so talented and I feel incredibly lucky to say I’m a part of this community. Thank you for being you. xxx.                                                                                                             - El

     The Colony has been a living, breathing world in which to create, and the key piece - creativity - is embedded in your DNA. You aren't just an enthusiastic mod. In some aspects you are the Col. I know you want everyone to feel included and allowed to be inspired by the writing of others rather than hemmed in by rules and egos so many other groups have. Thank you for throwing all your characters at me when one of mine has some wild scheme. I've said before your writing is cinematic in its expression and it always challenges me to want to (try to) write on a higher level. I'm grateful to have you as a sounding board when I get stuck in the mud of my own self-doubt with writing. Thank you for just being a friend as well and letting me ramble too. It is impossible to sum up this wildest of rides out of all my writing adventures so, much love, as always. xx.                                                                                                             - Cat

[imacrowcawcaw]

1, 4, 5, 7, 8, 9, 10, 13, 15, 17, 20, 23, 29, 38 😘❤️ Hope you’re having a wonderful day!

Hi mimi thank you so much for all the questions!!! This is gonna be really long lol - also, sorry it took a while, Tumblr kept glitching and erasing EVERYTHING

1. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Care to share one of them? Oh my god SO MANY! I have roughly 50 works in progress, and so many more ideas running through my head - I just haven't had the energy or the time lately to actually work on them. One that keeps coming back to me is Sam and Danny chilling in bed on a lazy Saturday, after a sleepover, and Sam announces that if they had sex, it would be the best either of them ever experienced. They debate for a while, and of course end up getting it on... it'll happen someday.

4. Describe your comfort zone—a typical you-fic. There's a lot of fluff and heartfeltwords; I try to keep it lighthearted too, though, and throw in what I hope is some funny stuff; smut of course, or at least some kissing; metaphors and figurative language galore. I feel like I'm still very much trying to find my voice and my style, so I think my fics differ a lot in their styles, but there are things that I generally like.

5. Share one of your strengths. Hmm, I was going to say that I know how grammar works (that feels rude but- ) actually I'm going to say that I always turn out things that I really enjoy. That may be more of a personal strength - i.e. it only matter to me - but if I post something I am satisfied (enough) with it. I like my work! I write what I want, even with requests, and I put my all into my writing because I want it to be such good quality that it would make me squeal if I came across it.

7. Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

"Dude, that's disgusting."

Danny just smiled at Josh, showing off a rather gross mouthful of mangled food, and kept eating his pineapple pizza.

"Seriously, pineapple doesn't belong on pizza. Can't you just eat regular toppings like the rest of us?"

Danny shook his head and swallowed. "Nuh-uh, I can't. I'm not like the rest of you."

"Hmm, you know, you're right: you're not like the rest of us. It's way hotter in the Wagner corner." Josh looked at him coyly, licking BBQ sauce from his chicken wings off of his fingertips.

Danny froze and Josh laughed, using a napkin to scrub away the rest of the sauce and continuing to messily eat his 'regular' pizza. Danny shook his head, closing the lid of his box to save the rest for later.

Idk if anyone other than @satans-helper would be interested in Josh and Danny (like, together, or at least flirting) but.... I thought this was good. It was fun to write - still not anywhere near done, though - and I think it captures them pretty well. I think dialogue is good when the characters speak for themselves, literally, without having to rely completely on prose to give it meaning.

8. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

"The bass pumped through Sam in the same rhythm as his cannabis-speckled blood, sludgey warmth crawling in his veins as he took a second hit of the blunt being passed around. Hidden away from the eyes of management constantly trying to tighten the reins, as if they weren't rock stars in - or perhaps even before - their prime, he let the dark corner he and a few new acquaintances occupied be his cover from an eventual scolding."

Let this be a little teaser for the Collab Zara and I are doing (!!!) lol. I think it's some of my best writing; lyrical but not too long as I'm learning how to do it right, offering information with every little part, setting the scene in a concise but not info-dump way, some bit of irony and humor.

9. Which fic has been the hardest to write? Ohhh man, well there have definitely been MANY that I've gotten stuck on for months, if not over a year -- but, the finished fic that was hardest was probably "Forever", to be totally honest. I think it turned t out very well, but I revised over and over and over, and scrapped a very large portion of it. I know what I wanted, but it wasn't coming for a very long time.

10. Which fic has been the easiest to write? "Blood Brothers". It just flowed so well, I sat and types furiously in my phone for a good 3 hours without stopping, and it was born.

13. What’s the best writing advice you’ve ever come across? There's quite a few pieces that I always think of: write what you want to read, adjectives and adverbs slow the pace (learned this recently and it's very handy), sometimes straight-forward is best, don't be afraid to scrap things and start over.

15. If you could choose one of your fics to be filmed, which would you choose? Oh man, that's a hard choice. I think that "Eyes of Juniper" (metallica fic, not finished 😔) would actually be the best choice, because it's funny, I would love to see the guys in the 80s, and, while it deals with bodies/nudity/sexuality it wouldn't be a straight up porn film lol.

17. Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order? A mix of both, I think it just depends on how my ideas are flowing. If I'm really on a roll and know I won't be interrupted, then I'll just write it chronologically. But, if I have a small idea, or I know how I want to end but dont know how to begin, then I'll just start writing something. I'm always afraid I'll forget what I want if I don't write it down, so I work on what I'm able to and fill in the rest later.

20. Describe your perfect writing conditions. Well, I usually end up doing the most of my writing hunched over sitting on me bed in the dark and furiously typing on my phone lmao. I would love to get a laptop and a dedicated space, but it's just not gonna happen rn. So, I'll go with dark, undisturbed, comfortable

23. If you were to revise one of your older fics from start to finish, which would it be and why? there are quite a few that I can look back at and be like noooo what was I doing. I think, though, one that could be really really amazing if revised would be "Black Dog", a guns n roses fic I wrote. It was good, but one of my firsts. My style has improved, and I think I could just make it a lot better, and the dialogue at the end could be a lot more clear and realistic sounding

29. If you could write the sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose? Oh mannnn there are so many fics that have made me want to somehow write/find more, I'll go with "Angel of Apple Valley" (pairing: Duzzy fandom: gnr, on rockfic, I cant find it rn though sorry). It was so amazing and I still think about it. I don't think I could do anywhere near justice to the original, so of course I wouldnt actually, but I just really want more

38. Talk about a review that made your day. Ohhh ok pretty much every review makes me suoer hapoy, but the lovely helena_s_renn left me a comment on Ch. 4 of "Skin on Skin, Hearts Laid Bare" and it nearly made me cry

"Girl, I think you've discovered your voice. This has an intensity beyond any of your other work that I've read thus far (not saying the previous isn't good - it is!!). I was glued to my phone by the eyes, didn't want it to end, and yet it did in what seemed like 5 seconds. Danny's acceptance of Sam's physical needs without asking anything more of him than "just sleep with me" is love. On that subject, I think you've thrown more words at the wellspring of Sanny Love from Sam's perspective than one would have thought possible, and they all ring true."

Like, holy shit thanks?!?! Lol. But really, I've been seriously trying to find my style, and to hear this from one of the writers I respect the most was huge. I felt like a favorite teacher was giving me a hug and telling me i did good!!!

[vethyourhalflingmother]

Elaina, Syldor, and their Twins: I Ramble About Character and Relationship Headcanons Like I’m Writing A Fucking Academic Essay

***SPOILERS FOR CAMPAIGN ONE OF CRITICAL ROLE***

**THIS POST IS VERY LONG. NO, I DON’T KNOW WHAT CONCISE MEANS**

PART ONE: WHAT WE KNOW

As viewers, we do not know much about the details of the relationship between Vax and Vex’s parents, Elaina and Syldor, and we actually don’t know that much about the twins’ relationships with each of their parents (although there are some key moments that give us certain hints). Therefore, most of this is based on my own headcanons and impressions, which I will attempt to explain, but this is the disclaimer that ultimately this is my own interpretation and everyone is entitled to see view it all how they want to see it.

Now, that said, I am going to start by going over what we know. 

Vax and Vex’s history summaries, which appeared at the beginning of early Critical Role episodes, give us the most information about their parents. 

Vax’s says,

“Along with twin sister Vex'ahlia, Vax was born by a chance encounter between elven royalty and human peasantry. Raised by their mother in their early years, the twins were eventually sent off to their father in the elven capital of Syngorn. But their cool reception among the elves there never warmed, and their time in the capital didn't last. The siblings stole away one autumn night and set out on the open road.” (source)

and Vex’s tells the same story, 

“Born of a human mother and an elven father—who only later in life took an interest in their existence—, Vex'ahlia and her twin brother Vax'ildan quickly realized the only people they could truly rely on in this world were each other.

It was at the age of ten when the two were taken from their mother, and brought to live in Syngorn, the isolated elven city for which their father was an ambassador. He quietly took them in, but always kept an icy distance, and after too many years of disdainful looks, the pair decided to leave his indifference behind, and set out on their own.” (source)

However, this isn’t the entire story. (Most of my source for the following information comes from Heredity and Hats, and I recommend watching the twins’ entire conversation with their father, their step-mother (Devana), and their sister (Velora), from roughly here until here).

Firstly, we learn the Syldor Vessar, the twins’ father isn’t exactly royalty; he’s an ambassador with substantial rank and privilege, but not as much as an actual royal, which is implied when he tells them that he can only get them one meeting with Syngorn’s leader, the High Warden - he’s probably more like a nobleman, which I’ll go into more about later. This also explains why he was out of such a closed off city in the first place. 

Secondly, it is unclear how involved Syldor and Elaina’s relationship was, probably because the twins themselves don’t know. There’s some implication that it was a brief fling or a one-night stand, from the language “a chance encounter” and how Vex crudely describes her and her brother’s conception as Syldor “fuck[ing] some random woman in a city [he] passed through.”

Thirdly, it is also unclear how Syldor came to take care of the twins. At times (like in Vax’s summary, and in some of Vex’s mentions of her mother), it is suggested that Elaina sent the twins to Syldor, whereas in the twins’ conversation with Syldor in Heredity and Hats, it is suggested that he took the twins from her (Vax’s line about leaving them to be with their mother when she died strongly suggests this). 

Fourthly, we know that Elaina was a peasant seamstress from Byroden who was killed when Thordak the Cinder King destroyed the town (when the twins were roughly 12 years old, probably before they ran away from Syldor - one of the artbooks supposedly puts the twins at 13 or 14 when they left Syngorn, but since I don’t have a copy myself, I’m not sure). This tells us quite a bit; both Vex and Vax’s summaries mention the racial difference between their parents, and in Heredity and Hats, Syldor brings up his people’s bigotry against humans and half-elves and how his life is easier when the twins aren’t part of it. Vax’s also mentions their class differences. And because Elaina is dead, we don’t see her until Vax dies himself - where we get one line of her saying that she’s proud of him. 

PART TWO: BASIC ASSUMPTIONS ON WHICH MORE COMPLEX INTERPRETATIONS ARE BUILT

Now that those facts are on the table, what do they mean for my interpretation and subsequent headcanons? In order to get into that, we have to start with my more basic assumptions based on the above information. 

To start at the beginning, Vex is likely right when she says Syldor was passing through Byroden and had a quick fling with Elaina. He probably didn’t know that he got her pregnant. It’s altogether possible that he stopped in this little town for one night on his way to do some ambassadorial duties and didn’t think twice about it until he passed through again and heard a rumor about some half-elf children, and I headcanon that’s what happen. (That said, they could’ve had a short fling as well, though I doubt there was any love. Syldor clearly looks down on humans, and Elaina’s class likely doubled that bigotry.) 

As for a timeline about when the Syldor first heard he may have bastard children and when he decided to interfere, I don’t have a specific one, but I feel like he probably spent a long time debating about it - and how it would affect his personal and professional life. As mentioned above, Vax’s summary implies that Syldor is royalty, but his status is more complicated than that. It does have special privileges, and I know because in Syngorn is childbaring is very regulated (as described in Matt Mercer’s Tal’Dorei Campaign Guide, children have to be approved by the government before conception, and unapproved children, even full-blooded elves, are sent to live outside the city). As an ambassador Syldor probably gets special passes on certain things, like leaving the city in general, and bringing back illegal wines and children to Syngorn and claiming they’re gifts that just can’t be turned down from the city’s allies. 

Ultimately, he either fell prey to his own arrogance about the importance of his bloodline or he felt guilty. I’m inclined to believe it’s a mixture of both emotions, though probably more guilt, since Syldor expresses that he cares about the twins in some capacity - just not nearly as much as children deserve from their father.  

Now, for Elaina, at this point, I have a considerably less clear picture of her than I do Syldor, just due to lack of information. However, I’ve seen a few interpretations that don’t particularly do it for me, such as her being lovelorn and entirely passive. I don’t tend to like that because 1) her children are both very active in their own destinies, including their romantic lives, and 2) that’s a pretty stereotypical position for her to be in, especially given that Syldor has a lot of a status over her. But when I was developing Elaina, I had to sift through some deeper stuff before I started deciding what she would be, as a character in my head, rather than just what she wasn’t. 

Which brings me to a more complex question that ended up being fundamental to my personal interpretation of Syldor and Elaina, both together and as individuals: did Elaina send the twins with Syldor or did Syldor take the twins from Elaina? 

PART THREE: ADDRESSING THE NUANCE

So. I already said that Liam contradicts himself on this wording. The real world explanation for that is likely that he wasn’t thinking about the difference, or that the twins’ backstory became clearer once they played more, which are both incredibly valid possibilities. But I am an English major, and if you’ve followed my blog for awhile, you know I like to pick on little details for fun. And this little detail has some interesting implications.

The difference between Elaina sending the twins with Syldor and Syldor taking them is a matter of both Elaina’s personal choice and Syldor’s use of force. But’s not so simple as she definitely gave them of her own will or Syldor definitely made her - and this isn’t just due to lack of information, it’s also because I get the impression that the twins themselves view the situation differently. 

I don’t have sources on hand, but I got the feeling that Vex felt more like Elaina gave them over to Syldor too willingly, whereas Vax’s frustration with the situation was only directed at Syldor (perhaps because he holds his mother in high esteem, or maybe because he really does believe she did what she could to try & keep them/was forced to give them up against her will). Perhaps at a later date, I will write something else going into the twins’ perspectives on their parents and general heritage, but since that’s a whole other can of worms, I’m going to leave it there for now. 

The point is, my understanding was that the twins were not unified in their thoughts of moving from mom to dad, and what I took from that was, well it was probably a very nuanced situation. 

Elaina obviously cared for her children. There’s evidence. As mentioned above, Vax would’ve rather died with her than live in Syngorn. They went back to try and find her after they ran away. The Raven Queen used her to ease Vax’s passing. But that doesn’t mean she wouldn’t give them up to Syldor. She was a peasant. The twins imply that they were poor growing up - this, combined with their time on their own after Syngorn, seem to be why Vex is as concerned with money as she is. If Syldor said, “I could give them a life where money wasn’t a worry,” I would think she’d take it under consideration.

I don’t think she would be eager to send her children into the unknown with a man she barely knows, especially not one that also looks down his nose at her, though. Perhaps if she were desperate, but there’s no indication that the twins were starving, and they did have a house and clothes (as Vax dramatically recalls at one point when he thinks he’s dying), and Elaina did have a job as a seamstress. Obviously, I can’t say for certain that she wasn’t completely desperate, but my impression is that she wasn’t. 

The other factor is how willing she is to just let things happen to her. If she was quite passive, then perhaps she would hand them over simply due to her lack of ability to stand up for herself. But very early into this, I started formulating an Elaina that was very headstrong and fierce and took control of her own destiny. This, to me, felt true to the part of her we know most about: her children. And ultimately, it’s the kind of thing that turns a flat character into one with more substance - it’s not an easy decision for her.

So that is the Elaina who sees the merit of Syldor’s suggestion, but also the Elaina who wants to refuse it. Why doesn’t she? Because Syldor is a man (elf? you know what I mean) with power, something I’m sure she’d known from the moment she met him. It isn’t as if men like Syldor hide that shit. Do I think he outright threatened to beat her down if she didn’t hand over the twins? No, not at all. But an implication of how... traumatic it would be for the twins if he stopped asking nicely could work well enough coupled with promises of good futures for them. Or it might not even be that overt; maybe he could’ve  just demand a decision from her without giving her time to think, or time to talk to the twins about what they want. And so now not only is it not easy, but maybe it’s not even entirely her own. There’s another layer to her and the situation. 

Therefore, in my mind, when Elaina watches the twins leave, she roiling with all sorts of emotions - anger, loss, apprehension, anxiety, maybe even a small bud of hope - but most immediately, regret. My version of Elaina, more than anything, curses herself over her decision to let the twins go, until the moment her house catches fire. 

PART FOUR: SYLDOR, A CHARACTER SUMMARY

Syldor Vessar is an asshole. He was probably an asshole to Elaina, though I doubt they talked much. He’s a bad father. He brought the twins into an environment he knew would be hostile to them and then neglected them. Then he tried to hide behind the excuse of “well, I did all I could.” However, I see a lot of asshole fathers portrayed in fiction that remind me of cartoon villains with black and white perspectives and iron fists. But Syldor’s a different brand.  Because Syldor says that he cares and that he’s proud of the twins. He gives them access to the High Warden. He admits to some of his wrong doings. And on some level, that stuff is probably true and genuine. I think he believes he did all he could. He knows he wasn’t the best father, but clearly he didn’t see himself as bad enough to not have another child. He probably assumes he can do better by Velora. And maybe he can, with a full-blooded elf, with a daughter he actually considers his own. But maybe not. To me, it looks like Syldor’s love is extremely conditional. From what Vax and Vex imply, the conditions are how pointy your ears are, how much money you have in your pocket, and how well you can conform. 

PART FIVE: ELAINA, A CHARACTER SUMMARY

I’ve said most of this already, but Elaina is my tragedy that really tried to resist being a tragedy. As far as her life prior to Syldor, I like to think she was doing her best to enjoy life in order to balance all the damn work she had to do. I like to think she was popular in Byroden, and that she had lots of acquaintances but few really close friends. I like to think she had one night a week where she went to the tavern and got piss drunk. I like to think that she spat at the men who told her to smile. I like to think that he needlework was some of the best in the region, which is a small prize, but one of her to be proud of. I like to think that she slept with more than just Syldor. 

And I like to think that she kept all that fervor when she had the twins, but that she repurposed it a little to better suit them. I like to think she made up wild stories and told them to the twins every night. I like to think she wasn’t a great cook, but that her meals still had that something special that only mothers can add. I like to think she instilled the sense of goodness in the twins that follows what is right, not what is the law. And I like to think that she sparked something in them that led them to be champions of literal gods. That she was more than just a footnote to encourage their vengeance against a dragon they were going to kill anyway and more than just a random woman Syldor fucking Vessar fucked.  

Because to me, it feels like she did mean much more than can be said, at least to her children.