#it's pretty sad how i have to hide part of myself when I'm at home but nice to see the community outside of my house

[escapingreality101]

I'm not out yet, but I was able to get away with wearing a pride shirt that my grad school department made. Today was the first time I wore it in public. I'm working at the school library right and someone came up to me and told me they liked my shirt and happy pride. I'm over here smiling and trying not to cry. That was the first time someone told me happy pride in real life. Today's a great day. Happy Pride y'all!!

[giddyfatherchris]

📱skz texts —how they react/comfort you (when you're going through a rough patch with a friend)

| including. bang chan, lee know

warnings. mentions of homophobia, anxiety and depression (but not going in depth with any of these subjects)

a/n. FINALLY!! channie and lee know’s part babyyyy honestly i kept procrastinating but today i decided enough is enough.😤 again, these are not in order but i cannot be 🎶booOoOoOthereeeddd🎶 so :) hope you enjoy mwah xxx

changbin, seungmin & i.n

hyunjin, han & felix

Lee Know

He knew from your texts you were not in your normal state. You were usually such a bubbly person, but when you answered so drily to his questions, he knew something was wrong.

As he waited for you to come home, he couldn't help but pace in his apartment. You weren't living together yet, but you spent so much time at his flat that you claimed it as your second home comfortably. In the 15 minutes it took for you to arrive, Lee Know had prepared himself for many scenarios, but he could have never predicted how you opened harshly the door and slammed it shut. Your ritual of crouching on the floor, calling for his three cats, was brutally ignored as you stomped to the kitchen.

"Hi, baby." He tentatively tried. Cautious, he kept his distance as you grunted in answer. You opened the fridge door, looked for a milli second before you closed it, then repeated the same process with the pantry. You made yourself a glass of water, didn't even take a sip, and grumbled as you looked in front of you, not really seeing anything. You abandoned it on the counter, ready to stomp away, when Lee Know put himself in your trajectory.

"What's going on?"

You would have kept walking if he hadn't grabbed you by the shoulders and blocked you from carrying on.

"Uh?" you looked at him as if you were just now seeing him. "Nothing, something at work, it's enraging." 

"Then please tell me so I can know who to kill," he replied in an equally angered tone. His hold on your shoulders tightened slightly at the thought someone had hurt you. 

You looked at him, surprised. "What, kill someone?" 

"Please, Y/n. I've never seen you like this. I don't know what happened, but for it to put you in that state, I'm guessing it's pretty serious." 

He had to pull it out of you, but you finally explained how you discovered one of your coworkers, who you considered a friend, was, in fact, a raging homophobic, queer-hating asshole. When you first heard him comment on someone else wearing a rainbow pin, you had laughed it off, thinking he was being dumb, but he kept adding on, and you realized, horrified, that he was being serious. 

Cherry on top, when you told him you were pansexual, he had stared at you with this idiotic air and asked if you were attracted to kitchen appliances. It ended up with you terminating that 'friendship' and leaving the office completely enraged. 

Your boyfriend listened carefully to your story. His piercing eyes set on you when he finally stated, "I have no idea how you managed not to smack him in the face." 

You let out a dry chuckle, telling the story again only egged you on, and brought up a familiar gloom you hadn't felt in a while. Immediately, he noticed the change in your demeanor, how the burning rage had simmered to a profound sadness. "Hey, it's okay, you can report the bastard, you know. He can't go around saying stuff like that."

You wrapped your arms around your middle, your lower lip softly shaking as you exhaled. "It's been a long time since I've been directly in contact with someone like that. I'm mad at myself for not seeing it maybe others knew, and they considered me badly for hanging out with him. I feel so bad."

He pulled you to him, softly resting his chin on top of your head. "Some people are really good at hiding who they truly are. He never said anything before, you never could have known."

"I know, but I somewhat feel like a traitor to my community," you covered your face with your hands before hiding in his chest. "Is that dumb?"  

He softly pushed you back and leveled his gaze with yours. "That is a little dumb because you did not betray your community, okay? You can't betray someone if you've also been fooled. And you know what's the best thing to do now? Report his ass. I'm sure if you do, there will be others who feel comfortable speaking up."

Your eyes lit up at his suggestion. "You're right. I want queer people to feel safe at work. The thought that I might have been seen as someone who would threaten that makes me sick. But if I speak up, that could change. Maybe we could even create a committee to do sensibilization about homophobia in the workplace." The gloom in your eyes was replaced with a fire. "One thing is sure, I won't let it happen again.

He gave you an adorable grin as he softly grabbed your chin. "My little fighter, I'm proud of you."

Your eyes disappeared into a happy smile as you hugged him again. "Thank you for always supporting me, although I am slightly scared of how little it took to convince you to kill someone." 

He laughed before grabbing you over his shoulder and whispered with a diabolical expression. "You shouldn't." 

Because really, there shouldn't be a doubt in your mind that this man was ready to make anyone who hurt you pay a terrible price. 

Bang Chan

The leader rubbed his hands on his face in an attempt to wipe away all the exhaustion. He looked back at his computer screen, feeling a violent cramp in his head causing his eyes to squeeze shut of their own accords. 

"Okay, okay. I get it. No more computer today."

He grabbed his phone before getting up, pleading his eyes to survive one last exposure to the light of a screen. He clicked on your name and quickly typed in, asking you what you wanted to eat for dinner but all signs of fatigue disappeared once he saw your answer. Worry replaced any feelings in his heart, his tired eyes fixed on the device.

What could have happened for you to be so down? He knew you were dealing with a difficult friend lately, but could it have gotten this bad so quickly? He wondered if he should push it, ask you more, but as his eyes started burning again he realized it would probably be of no help and he should wait for you to get home. Chan looked around the apartment, an uneasy feeling in his chest, a restlessness agitating his limbs. You were hurting and he couldn’t stay still, waiting for you to arrive. Then it clicked, he looked at your messages once again, closed the app and started dialing a number he was starting to know very well. As the line rang, a smirk slowly took place on his full lips.

You tiredly entered your apartment, welcomed with a delicious aroma. You kicked your boots off, more than ready to change into comfortable clothes and hug your boyfriend. 

Your heart melted at the sight waiting for you in the kitchen. Chan, his sleeve rolled up, showing his strong forearms, was very focused on the pots and pans burbling in front of him. He softly hummed to the soft jazz music playing in the background, completely oblivious to the world around him. You silently walked to him and wrapped your arms around his middle, loving how his strong back felt on your cheek through his clothes. 

"Jesus! You scared me," he whined, still, you could hear the smile in his voice as his hands wrapped around yours. "How are you?"

You didn't answer, feeling tears prickling your eyes and that burning sensation in your nose when you knew you were about to cry. You buried your face in his clothes, hoping it would muffle the sound of your sobs. 

"Y/n?" he quickly turned around, realizing you were far from okay. "Hey, baby what's going on?"

Violent sobs shook your body as you slid to the floor engulfed in Chan’s reassuring embrace, allowing you to let it all go. Once you calmed down enough to take a big breath, he asked again. "Baby, what happened?" 

Softly, he brushed his fingers through your hair. He was a calm and reassuring presence for you in all the chaos. You knew you could trust him, knew you could tell him anything and he would be there for you.

"You know my ´friend’, our relationship was already rocky, I knew that, but I thought it was getting better. When we studied together the other day, we talked so much, about anything and everything and even personal stuff. I thought we were getting over that petty argument, but today I heard them tell other people from my classes how I was faking my anxiety disorder and depression symptoms. They said I only did it to get attention and that I- I was an addict." Your voice broke on the last word, horrified that such words could have come out of their mouth.

Chan had to fight everything in him not to go after them right now. If there was one thing he despised it was when the ones he loved were hurt. He couldn't bear it. He knew how hard it had been for you to get a diagnosis and start taking medication. How could someone be heartless enough to make such comments? 

"I heard some of the people in the group defend me, but still... I can't believe it. I'm so stupid, I never should have told them about it."

"Y/n. You are not stupid. They are the assholes. You are not stupid for trusting someone you thought was a friend okay? I don't ever want you to think you are stupid for that."

You looked at him with teary eyes. He felt himself melt and soften, all anger disappearing when he realized how badly you needed him. "You are not stupid. You are not faking anything." he softly stroked your cheeks, wiping away the tears as he did. "I'm so proud of you for reaching out for help. I'm proud of you every damn day, and you know the people who really love you do too." You closed your eyes, relishing in his warm touch, allowing his soft voice to erase every doubt and fear. He softly kissed your forehead, "Okay?"

"Okay," you whispered. "Thank you I don't know what I would do without you."

"You would still do amazing because you are one of the strongest person I've ever met."

You chuckled at his comment. "You're so cheesy. Still, I'm pretty happy to have you." You lifted your head towards the stove. "Especially if you tell me you've been cooking for me." You took a deep breath in, finally registering what it was you were smelling. You looked back at him, already smiling, a look of surprise on your face. "Is- is that my mom’s… How, how did you do it?"

A proud and satisfied expression was printed on his features. "You wanted your mom’s spaghetti so I called and asked her to help me make it. Turns out the recipe isn’t that hard." He tucked a piece of your hair behind your ear while you stared at him like he was the most magnificent thing you had ever seen, which he was.

"I can’t believe you did that. My mother has never told anyone her recipe!"

"Yeah, about that. I might have had to make a deal with her to get it…" You rolled your eyes, ready to hear some embarrassing stunt your mother pulled on your boyfriend. "I had to explain why I wanted the recipe, and she might have made me promise we’d go visit your family in two weeks while you’re on spring break."

You squealed and wrapped your arms around his neck, asking him a thousand time if he was kidding, if this was really happening, while he promised over and over again it was. You pulled back to look at the satisfied smile growing on his lips. Chan was a sure value in your life, maybe the only true one, and as you looked at him, his dimpled smile and the satisfaction he had in preparing all this for you, you knew this was it. He was everything you would ever need.

[respectthepetty]

I crawled through sixteen episodes of Fourever You, so I could drag myself into the finale for THIS color coding! I had my doubts in some of these episodes, but here I am, living my best color-coded life because North is a Green Guy and Johan IS a Red Rascal.

And now that they are together, they perfectly complement each other as two chile peppers would!

Hill and Ter are also two great color-coded boys in love since bright and happy Yellow Yal Ter brought reserved and quiet Blue Boy Hill out of his shell.

EVERYONE IS COLOR CODED AND IN LOVE!

Well, expect for Typhoon, but his sad story is coming in Part Two, which I better be getting this year like Director New said. Or else!

Because I also want to know about his little friend Dao's spicy story with Arthit!

Oh, and apparently the continuation of Tiger and Duennao's story too.

Since they still aren't a couple; they just act like it six days a week.

But back to the couples who are official couples being cute.

Well, and Johan being so possessive that he won't even let his mom hug North. Peak Red Rascal behavior. Love to see it in fictional men.

Johan keeps up the behavior when they go home to visit their families. He hides his Green Guy behind him as he tries to not act his red color.

But that doesn't last long since he argues with his father at the slightest hint of his man's name on his dad's lips.

So even though The Alamo shirt looks blue, it feels green to me since North is truly the only thing keeping his man calm at any given moment.

All Johan needs is to look at North, and the entire world ceases to exist. Look at Johan. He ain't listening. He hasn't heard one word from North's pretty little mouth.

All he heard was North would leave him, and he jumped into sugar daddy mode. He said, "take all my money because I already gave you my heart." North, buy a bouncy house. No! A bouncy CASTLE! Use that man's money for good.

And invite your bestie Ter since he is going through it as he visits not only his family which includes the dad who yelled at him for being gay, but also Hill's family which includes the grandpa who separated them for being gay. It's a homophobe hoedown.

I know it's a lot, but they have each other!

And Ter has a sister and a mom rooting for them as the mom wears Hill's blue, and the sister is basically a Pride flag.

Plus Hill's grandma is not only supportive, but she kept the blue birthday jar Ter gave Hill in his room, so the women in these families are getting a spring wedding from these two even if Hill and Ter don't know it yet.

But I think these color-coded boys in love know it.

Well, at least Hill does.

Because his grandmother gave him the same necklace that his dad gave his mom when he knew she was the one.

And Hill has always known this pretty boy is the only one for him.

Sidenote: I actually gasped at how beautiful and young Cooheart looks here. That twenty-eight year old does not look a day over seventeen.

Kudos, Yellow Yal, for being the sun in Hill's blue sky, the star guiding him at all times, and the moon in his dark night. Way to be that man's everything, so now he can give you everything (like a bouncy castle!).

And even if Johan and North never get married, I'm sure they will be together forever too.

Since North probably already unknowingly signed no less than sixteen documents that Johan had his lawyers draw up which makes it legal for Johan to own North in at least twenty-three countries regardless of martial status and escape is punishable by death so . . . 'til death do you part, North. Congratulations, buddy!

Basically, every color-coded boy in love got his happy ending, and I was thrilled to witness it.

NOW BRING ME PART TWO!

[profundcherrylady]

YOICHI ISAGI X SAE'S DAUGHTER!READER

A/N: Y'ALL this part of the Single dad Sae series. Yes Isagi is the boy who she was making out with last time, SO this is basically like a what happens next with them. Kind of like an au where Isagi can be the same age as Sae's daughter

Warnings: None.

Description: After absolut embarrassment and staying home as a punishment, you thought your father's outburst infront of Isagi would ruin any chance you could ever have with him. To your suprise,you are proved wrong very quickly.

"Are you seriously still sulking?" you heard your father talk from the door, but you didn't respond. "I'm the one who should be mad. I saw you making out with some boy I don't know. Who knows what could've happened if I didn't intervene? You're way too young for that kind of thing. Is he even your boyfriend or anything?"

"He's not gonna be now..."

"Oh, you got that right. I don't want to see you around this boy again; you are forbidden from talking to him."

"Dad!!! Don't you think you're exaggerating a little bit?" you complained, rolling over on your bed to look at his angry face standing on the doorframe.

"I don't think I am, actually." he would've said more, but he heard the bell ring, so he started to walk away from her. "Stay there, you're still grounded."

But what he found on the other side of the door couldn't have been predicted. As soon as he opened, he saw Isagi standing infront of him, face flushed with embarrassment and hands behind his back. He spoke in a shy tone.

"Um... hello, is your daughter home?"

"Not for you." he was about to close the door right then but Isagi was quick to stop him from doing so.

"Wait! It's just that... she isn't answering my texts..."

"She's grounded." he pushed the door harder to close it, but Yoichi was holding it open pretty hard as well.

"I-I just... I brought her these!" he used his free hand to show him a little bouquet of flowers that he was hiding behind his back, and Sae stopped. "I figured she might be grounded and sad... can I at least give her these?"

"No."

"Please?" he tried his best to make the most convincing puppy eyes, but it was nothing against Sae.

However, he did make him think. His daughter WAS grounded and sad, but he still didn't trust this boy enough to see her.

"Just leave the flowers; I'll give them to her."

"Oh.. um... I was hoping to give them to her myself? It's not as personal otherwise..."

"Boy, just give me the flowers." Isagi sighed, letting Sae take the flowers he so carefully hand-picked for you, and after that the door was closed again.

Sae was disgusted, but he still went over to his daughter's room and knocked on her open door.

"What?"

"Isagi came here to see you... he left you these." as soon as you heard that name you sat up on your bed, turning around to see the flowers Isagi left you. They were so pretty; how could he be so sweet? Even after your dad made a scene infront of him, he was trying to reach out to you. Which meant he didn't mind that your kiss was interrupted, or that your dad was being really rude towards him; he still wanted to see you. The thought almost made you cry from joy, because you were about to die of embarrassment remembering the way he hit his head when you pushed him away the night before after your dad showed up and discovered you sneaked out.

You got up from your bed and walked towards Sae to take the flowers. Bright and healthy, they even smelled amazing... you couldn't help but smile like a lovesick fool at the sight and smell of these beautiful flowers.

"Did you seriously not let him in?" you complained. "It's so cruel to just leave him outside."

"He can go home if he doesn't want to stand there; he'll give up eventually."

"Why do you hate him so much?"

"I don't hate him. I just don't like his presence, and the fact that he was so okay making out with a stranger at some party." he leaned against the doorframe, completely unconcerned about your obvious annoyance. "And then he just comes here with flowers like it's the most normal thing to do? It's making me look like the bad guy. I'm just trying to protect you from someone who took advantage of a vulnerable girl."

"First of all, wrong, he was not a stranger when we kissed at the party. I met him at school; we've seen each other before." you corrected him, and he rolled his eyes. "Second. Vulnerable? Really?? I'm not six anymore, dad. I can take care of myself, but you still treat me like I'm some little kid that needs protection."

"I doubt that considering you acted very irresponsibly that night."

"And third, Isagi never took advantage of me. I was the one who started it; I kissed him."

"That doesn't make it better, did you know? In fact, it makes it worse." he stood up straight again. "You kissed him? Why?"

"Because...! I have a crush on him..." you admitted, blushing mostly from embarrassment because why would you tell that to your dad. "I've had a crush on him since a while back, and I was trying to make my move and flirt a little... and it worked but now you won't let me see him!"

"You're too young for a relationship."

"Too young? I'm seventeen. I'm on my senior year; next year I'll be in college! How am I too young?"

"Because at your age hormones are crazy and you could-"

"Oh, my god, don't talk to me about hormones! That is so gross!"

"It might be, but it's true. You might think you'll be responsible but when you're seventeen you act on impulse and do stupid things; especially when it comes to relationships. You shouldn't think about having a boyfriend anytime soon."

"Didn't you and mom get married at NINETEEN? And isn't the difference between your wedding and my birthday like six MONTHS?

"DO NOT bring your mother this, young lady!" you stayed quiet. Now you were regretting making him mad like that; you knew how sensitive he was about that topic. "Yes, your mother and I got married because she got pregnant with you. Happy? Is that what you wanted to hear?"

"No..." you looked down, embarrassed, and talked in a quieter voice. "But... did you guys love each other?"

Sae's expression softened at that, and he sighed.

"Of course, we did. And I kind of lied. Your mother and I were in a stable relationship and lived together, we were planning on getting married later in life but she got pregnant, even when we thought we were careful, so we decided we were ready to be a family."

"So I was an accident...?"

"I wouldn't say an accident. We did talk about having kids before your mother got pregnant; we just didn't think it would happen so soon." he paused. "And that's why I'm trying to tell you to be careful if you want a boyfriend so badly."

"But I know that! And Isagi wouldn't take advantage of me, really."

"I don't care. You're not allowed to see him; this flowers are the last thing you're getting from him." without letting you complain, he walked out and closed the door behind him.

You were about to lay back down in your bed and be miserable, but then you heard something. A little banging, very subtle, coming from outside your window; and peaking inside was Isagi. You rushed to the window and he stood up better to see you.

"I can't open, my dad locked the window." your muffled voices reached him through the other side of the glass. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanna see you." he explained, face blushed slightly and eyes looking at you with shyness. "I wasn't going to let your dad stop me."

"He would kill you if he knew you're here."

"I know. I kinda don't care; I needed to know if..." he struggled to continue with his thought of process, embarrassed by his own words. "If we're okay... I mean, you. Also us but mostly because of the grounding and everything, I wanted to see that you're okay and if we're... like... did you like the flowers?"

"They were beautiful." you smiled. "And I'm okay, I'll survive; it's just two months."

"That's good."

"But..." you paused, thinking about how to express your thoughts out loud. "You really shouldn't have bothered. Why go through all of this trouble just to see me?"

"Well, we kinda have unfinished business." if only you could open your window, he would try to reach out for your hand, or try to hug you, or hold your face or your body close to him for some comfort. He would brush the hair on your face away and pass his fingers though it affectionately, and maybe, just maybe, he gather up the courage to kiss you again. No a full-on makeout like last time, just a slow kiss; a gentle and soft affirmation that you felt the same way about him as he did about you. Instead, he places his hand over the glass on the window. "I... like you a lot, and I really enjoyed our time together last time, and I'm sorry if I was too forward or if I got too carried away; I was too happy when you made the first move. I've had feelings for you for some time now and I-"

"Stop." you interrupted him, making his heart squeeze with fear for a second. Were you stopping him because you didn't like what he was saying? "I don't need to hear anything else. I feel the same way about you; I just want to kiss you." you placed your hand right over his, only the glass separating your skin, and yet he could swear he could feel your warmth. You looked around for something to force the window open, and with your free hand you tried pulling it up.

Realizing what you were attempting, Isagi held onto the edges of the window and pulled as well. He first tried using only one of his hands, then you both used the two of them. He tried shaking the window a little, hoping the lock would come loose, and after what felt like the longest minutes of his life he heard a click, and you were able to open the window.

You wasted no time on grabbing his face and stumping your lips onto his. He almost stumbled, but did not bother complaining; he just let himself relish on your closeness once more.

"Does this mean we get to be a couple then?"

"Yes. I don't care what my dad says; I love you." his blush deepened at that, but his heart was filled with joy from your words. "I want to be with you."

"How though? He's going to kill me if he finds out."

"He doesn't have to find out."

Is what you were saying, but then you heard a yelling voice from the second floor, and a splash of cold water fell on Isagi's head. You both looked up. "HEY! I told you you're forbidden to see him, young lady! Get away from him this instant or you'll be in big trouble." Sae held a now empty bucket and scolded you, but you could only focus on Isagi.

"Are you okay? You should go home for now."

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little cold. See you... at school tomorrow?" you nodded. There was no way you were not seeing him at school; your dad couldn't do anything about that.

One thing for sure, it was going to be a challenge.

[maddy-k-reads-all-day]

The hospital scene in Play My Way.

Okay now for the whole "Things I noticed in the Play My Way music video" part 2 where I talk about the whole "I don't wanna go in there" scene.

First off, Wooly telling us that she "isn't in there just trust me" I find it interesting how he really does not want to go into this hospital. "Hide and Seek" in the Amanda timeline is the pilot and I'm pretty sure it happens before the events of the first game so why would Wooly be afraid of the hospital. I say hospital mainly because of the scenes that follow and the heart monitor beeps flowing across the screen.

Then again, in the second game they both seem afraid of the meatman who is tied to a surgeon so... that "fear of hospitals" trait might just be Hameln trauma. 👀 (But I don't know why Amanda wouldn't be afraid them. She's straight up playing surgeon.)

Is it just me or did the door just appear out of nowhere? :/ Also. "I don't wanna go. I just wanna play my way." Interesting...

"I just wanna go... anywhere." "I just wanna go... home..."

I'd say that these lines apply to Amanda because these lines clearly fit Amanda to a T. But why are they showing up during Wooly's verse. Maybe... this line applies to both of them? Amanda is just more... forward about it? IDK seeing "I just wanna go home" makes me so sad for them tho.

Okay so my theory that Amanda killed Mr. Fox is right... also the theory that Mr. Fox was a living character similar to the opossum seems to probably be true. But then... why did Mr. Fox never come back like Wooly? And why in both games is Amanda so glad he's gone? Was he a Hameln Employee? Or an annoying character like the opossum?

Now if you play this scene in 0.25... hold up... did Wooly kill Mr. Fox? At first I thought it was Amanda... but Wooly's the one covered in blood here. And there's a bit of a pause before he gets covered in blood and gasps. Also... why are there questions marks next to Amanda's name here? Is it really Amanda talking or the demon? Okay... honestly I think it was the demon talking here. And the look that Wooly gives the demon is just... weird. A little angry even.

Either way someone killed Mr. Fox... and Amanda seems pretty happy about it. Playing with his organs and stuff. That said, the idea of Wooly snapping and killing someone in the past would be so interesting and unexpected. Because when I first heard the song and it's lyrics I assumed Amanda had killed Mr. Fox. While that could still be the case... now I'm unsure. But it is an interesting idea specifically because it is so unlike Wooly. This is literally just an idea tho.

After Mr. Fox dies, Amanda says "Now we can PLAY ALL DAY and we will play MY way." which honestly makes me wonder what kind of role as an NPC Mr. Fox played. Maybe Mr. Fox was in some way in charge of keeping Amanda and Wooly on-script in some way? He seems like an elderly character... so maybe a caretaker to Amanda and Wooly? Like... maybe someone who told them when the adventure was over at the end of the day? IDK. If I sound like I have any clue what I'm talking about during these Play my Way theory posts I don't I'm honestly just posting ideas of what it could mean cuz I don't have a solid idea myself.

Amanda goes on to say that she made her own game. So maybe the way the first and second games go is how things are going under her control? Then the lyrics say they are "puppets with beating hearts and strings made out of magnetic tape." which... yeah makes sense. They are real people trapped in this fictional world. Magnetic tape seems oddly specific too... hmm... "we're cursed to play all day, but never play our way." Hmmm... interesting... this is all so very interesting.

[classicanalyzer]

What If Season 3 - What If... The Hulk fought the Mech Avengers? Thoughts

"The rage isn't even the worst part when he takes over. It's the fear. The fear I see in everyone else's eyes." Bruce Banner

"And how does that make you feel?" Sam Wilson

"Lonely. Because if I'm being honest, I'm just as scared of myself as they are of me." Bruce Banner

"Well, look around you. Ain't no one's afraid of you here, Bruce." Sam Wilson

Really strong start to the final season. I didn't expect the emotions to be the episode's main focus. I really love what they did with Bruce and Sam while highlighting the tragedy of Bruce's character and Sam's greatest strength: empathy.

I love how we open with an anime Godzilla and Gundam homage with the in-universe show of the Mech Avengers taking on the Gamma Beasts.

The Sam and Bruce dynamic was something I was not expecting at all (and a nod to the Winter Soldier is always great). But man, it hits you really hard when Bruce lays down the tragedy of his character and situation: how he's just as scared of himself as the people who are scared of him. And you really feel Sam trying to help connect to Bruce. I love it when the MCU remembers Sam is a counselor.

It was pretty noice to see the What If series connect to the D+ shows with Sarah, the family boat, and Moon Knight. It's heartbreaking to see Bruce transform into the Hulk and become scared of how even if Sam understands, he still can't let go of the feeling he's the problem. The episode really highlights how you have to keep on trying to recover (in this case, keep on going to therapy) and not detach yourself from others, or else you'll do actions not that great in hindsight. It's what makes the tragedy of Banner's character in the MCU so compelling. He doesn't want to separate himself from others but he feels like he can't.

I love how the Mech Avenger suits are in-universe supposed to be giant Hulk-Busters. The Gamma War (the closest thing we'll get to a World War Hulk haha) took out the OG Avengers save for Bruce, and man I would love to see what the first war looks like. It really does set the tone of why Sam feels like being friends with Banner was a mistake given the destructive war it wrought.

I also love this new Avengers team. I can't believe we got an Avengers team before the discussion of one in the upcoming Brave New World movie lmao. I do find it sad how this is the first time since 2021 and 2022 that we saw some of these characters (Shang-Chi and Mark Spector to name some). I also like Monica's role in the episode, I always like seeing character interactions we don't see in the Sacred Timeline.

I find it sad how Sam, the person with empathy and understanding towards people, thinks being Banner's friend messed up everything.

It was pretty funny how Banner made his home at an abandoned government project (he even noted how it made him fit the most) at the Astra Islands.

"So that's it, huh? The rest of the world gets to fight your monsters while you just hide in fear?" Sam Wilson

"Fear? What do you know about fear, Sam? About being a threat. A living force of destruction." Bruce Banner

"I know you can't get past the things that scare you if you don't face them." Sam Wilson

"Why do you think I built this protocol?" Bruce Banner

"You built it to use against yourself?" Sam Wilson

"I built it to protect everyone from a monster no one can control." Bruce Banner

"Look, I've never seen a monster when I look at you, Bruce. I've only ever seen my friend. I guess I hoped if you faced this thing, then maybe you'd see what I see, too." Sam Wilson

That conversation between Sam and Bruce really set the emotional core of the episode. Despite how Sam felt about earlier, he still saw deep down that Bruce was still his friend and still tried to help Bruce face his fears, even if he didn't think that was possible. I admittedly felt a bit teary-eyed at the episode and the emotional core. I just love to see people tell others that they're not monsters.

"Avenger, assemble." Sam Wilson

The Avenger mech assemble goes so fucking hard. I only wished we got more action sequences with the mechs, but the emotional core of the story really carried the episode. That nuclear explosion shot is done really well. And I love scenes where the human character sees the Godzilla monster and realizes they're not a monster, but a friend. That's what the episode is all about: how people see themselves and how accepting them can save not only the world but themselves as well.

The music by Laura Karpman and Nora Kroll-Rosenbaum is amazing and very emotional in this episode. I can't wait to see their music in the rest of this season (Hopefully, their music album will contain a lot more tracks than just one per episode because Disney did a disservice to the duo by doing just that for S2). The music really captures the emotional and epic stakes of the Gundam and Godzilla-inspired episode.

This was a great start to the final season of What If (hopefully not the permanent end). Hopefully, the next three episodes will be a lot more light-hearted but we'll see.

"I know you've always been scared that everyone just sees you as a monster. But from where I'm standin', all I see now is a friend. And I'd bet my life that you still see one, too." Sam Wilson

"I'm sorry, Sam. I know he was your friend." Monica Rambeau

"He still is." Sam Wilson

"Big things have small beginnings. Even the way a person sees themselves can change their lives and the fate of the entire world. But in humanity's darkest hour, sometimes the greatest heroes are the friends who accept us for who we really are." Uatu

[oncexinxmyxdreams]

Walk Into My Mystery Part 11

Build Up

Hope shops blanket fort materials. Patterned sheets, various pillows, sleep mat and extra blankets. Don't forget fairy lights! She also picks up a tourist book about Yucca Valley and Skittles for a treat.  

When she unpacks everything, Shadow pieces together her idea. "I had a feeling you'd like a blanket fort," Hope replies. "Do you like the star sheets? This one's a bit cutesy, but the other has accurate constellations. Either way, you have night sky. Oh, and these fairy lights? They have a little remote so you can change colors."   

Shadow's moved. "I love it," he says steadily. His eyes water a little. Hope wasn't expecting that.

They construct it together. Actually, they take it apart a couple times for different shapes until satisfied. Hope moves two small bookshelves, so he has a mini library. Shadow's intrigued by the tourist book.    

He tries Skittles for the first time. (Released 5 years after his imprisonment.) They're fine though he wonders if they still make Bottle Caps and Zotz. Bottle Caps, yes. Zotz? Never heard of it. Hope does google search. She's baffled they're from 1970! She also finds that Bottle Caps are from 1972.

"No. Now way. He can't be that old," she thinks. "Unless he's a time traveler."

Weird how this candy question finally breaks her wondering. Almost 3 months! Mysterious, ageless hedgehog appears with hardly a hint of his life except for sadness just asked about 50 year old food. Will he please talk, or does she have to bring it up first? Maybe she should.

 "So...Shadow, I looked up Bottle Caps and Zotz. They're pretty old. I mean 50 years old." He raises an eyebrow at her. "Some may not think that's a long time, but I'm 23 and that seems old to me. 50 years might as well be time of dinosaurs or the ice age." Hope should stick to mechanics, not comedy.

It couldn't be any more awkward. Not even a cricket chirp would help. "If you want to know about me you could just ask," Shadow replies firmly and arms crossed. Unintentionally, this comes off like a challenge. Yeah. Go ahead and ask. Do it if you dare.  

Hope glares back and keeps her tone steady. "Shadow, it's not always easy to ask you things. I don't want to step over boundaries. Remember when I came back that one time with food and you snapped you wanted to be alone? I did and then you crossed my path looking like you were having a breakdown. I don't want trigger your emotions."  

"But then," she continues and paces about the room, "I notice points where you seem sad. Not just that: grieving." Shadow flinches and looks down. "You said you don't know where you belong. I'd like to know where, how or if you belonged. Then you tell the cops earth is your home, and you protect it! I could piece something together, but I'm not sure." She's growing agitated.

"Seriously! You just came out of nowhere right after a laser spaceship exploded and the moon was sliced! I find your inhibitor ring in the desert and I still don't know what it's for! Are you the only survivor of space creatures that were killed from the explosion? Are you hiding from the government? I want to help you, but I don't know how because you're a mystery! And yeah! I'm one to talk because I don't reveal much about myself until I completely trust someone." She sits in her desk chair and inhales. She didn't mean to accuse.

"I'm not mad at you Shadow. I don't blame you for being private. I just..." Maybe she needs to tell her story for him to understand? "I've gone through loss myself and I can tell something hurt you: hurt you very deeply. I needed to communicate my pain losing my parents and all my grandparents. Even my old cat. Only then, was anyone able to help. No matter what you've experienced, I wish I knew how to support you." A long tension filled pause. She must've gone too far.

"I do trust you," Shadow finally answers. "You've supported me more than you could imagine. As much as I want to, I can't bring up my history. It's too much." Sorrow, exhaustion and age in his tone.

"Too much to tell all at once or never?" Hope inquires.

"All at once." 💔

"Could you tell me a little at a time? Just enough for me for to understand?" She lets the offer hang for him to grasp. Please let him take it.

[nomoreusername]

Three Words (Part 1)

Pairing:Thomas x female reader

Summary:When Thomas takes you home when you're drunk you tell him something you never would sober.

I just sat back and watched everyone laugh around the fire. If I'm being honest I tuned everyone out a while ago. There were still a lot of questions I was always thinking about. If I'm being honest the way everyone just moved on could be irritating at times.

Speaking of irritating I saw Y/N dancing around the fire. She laughed as she spun Aris around. She said something to him, and he nodded while clearly holding back his own laughter. I didn't care to think about it.

Then, I did. She walked over and sat directly next to me. I stared at her like she lost her mind. In fact, I think she might have. She was never fond of me to say the least so naturally I wasn't very fond of her.

"You never really look happy,"She spoke up, her voice slightly slurred. It was then that I understood the odd behavior, but I decided against saying anything about it. It just doesn't seem worth the trouble.

"You always look happy,"I shrugged, expecting gibberish to come out of her mouth. Instead, she just laughed again, something she did a lot.

"No. I'm just like really good at hiding my emotions. It's like super cool and bad. Nobody even knows what goes on in here,"She said, tapping her head. I just looked at her, not knowing how to react to that.

"You though, are good at hiding it. It's hard to tell, but you get all quiet. You do what you're doing now."

"What exactly am I doing?"I asked, trying to figure out what exactly was going on. She isn't in her right mind, but this was just over the top.

"You're over here, and we,"She said, pointing at the fire, "are over there,"She finished.

"Yeah. Maybe I just like being alone sometimes,"I shrugged.

"No. You look solum and all that. You my dear friend are hiding,"She said, patting my shoulder.

"Do you know who I am?"I asked slowly. No matter what it has to be pretty hard to forget you hate someone while talking to them.

"Mhm. You're Thomas. The one with the soft looking hair. I wanna touch it,"She slurred, actually running her fingers through my hair. In my mind I was just asking myself what was happening.

"Yep. I was right,"She commented, pulling her hand back.

"Are you an observer or something?"I questioned, as if she would be able to give me a proper answer.

"No. I just like seeing you. I'm surprised you haven't noticed that I'm always around you. You're smart,"She complimented.

I tried to actually think about what she just told me. Sure enough that did seem to happen, but I just assumed it was a coincidence. In fact, I think it's a good idea to keep assuming that.

"You're my favorite person,"She kept going. By now she was almost completely out of it.

"You should get to bed,"I suggested. She shakily stood up, nearly falling asleep as she did. Luckily, I managed to catch her.

"Come on. You should get some sleep,"I said, placing her arm over my shoulder. She leaned against me, seeming completely fine with this. I know I've been through a lot of weird things, but this was a whole other level.

"Do you ever think about how the world sucks?"She asked, still leaning against me.

"Yeah. All the time,"I answered honestly. It's not like she would remember in the morning.

"You don't suck though. No matter what I say you're great, Thomas."

By now her words were almost incoherent. I just nodded as I helped her in her hut.

"You should stay the night,"She suggested.

"No. That's a bad idea,"I responded, helping her to her bed.

"Why?"She asked, seeming genuinely curious.

"Because,"I trailed off, not knowing exactly what to say. "Just trust me. If you were sober you would thank me,"I promised. She shook her head no.

"Out loud I would. Not really though,"She protested, grabbing my hand as I was next to her.

"Okay,"I said because what else could I say? What was even happening?

"I'd still be sad on the inside. I'd still wonder why I don't just say I love you. It's just three words,"She shrugged, her eyes seeming to clear over for a second. There was a dead silence as I kept trying to figure out what to do. The answer was obvious, right? I just leave.

So why am I still here?

"I really want you to get some sleep. You're just going to feel worse if you don't,"I settled on, helping her under the covers.

"Wait, Thomas,"She said, grabbing my wrist.

"Do you need something?"I asked hesitantly.

She didn't say anything as she just stared at me, her grip surprisingly strong. Then, she pulled herself up and placed a kiss on my lips. I froze before the reality of what was going on kicked in. I pulled away.

"Why'd you pull back?"She asked, seeming genuinely disappointed.

"You are extremely drunk right now. You don't know what you're doing,"I explained, gently tucking her back in.

At least, I could try. All I had to do was pretend I didn't wonder what her lips felt like on mine when she knew what she was doing.

"Oh. If that's what you think,"She mumbled, her eyes fluttering shut. I just stood there and watched her breathing become steady. She was finally asleep, and I could finally do the same and push all that out of my mind.

[0himio]

MDZS Fanfic Recs -- Completed

I am in such a MDZS rabbit hole and its driving me INSANE! I've never done this before, but here are a couple of completed MDZS fics that I saved. Not all of them are my top ones but I enjoyed them quite a bit. I don't think the characters went too OOC but having said that I can't tell too much. At least I know that they are goo goo gaa gaa OOC iykwim

Forget Myself in Memories

Ten years after the events of Guanyin temple, the juniors accidentally step into an array that sends them to the past, just before the beginning of the Sunshot Campaign

Author: geethr75 Words: 10,300 Chapters: 7

The ending is pretty sweet and it's a "juniors time travel and decide to fix things" trope. I'm a sucker for that type of thing and it's cool to see how the past interacts with the future -- especially since instead of the usual time travel to Cloud Recesses, they travel at the start of the Sunshot Campaign.

ghost (What's your name)

Wei Wuxian spends the 13 years after his death as a ghost, except that nobody outside of four little kids seems be able to see him.

Author: pearlAngel Words: 3,086 Chapters: 1

This goes into a bit of the perspective of all the juniors and their opinions on the Yiling Patriarch and how different his ghost is. NHS also shows up and his little section makes me tear up a ngl

When The Soul Returns Home

"Jiang Chenggggggg!" He whined, taking extra care not to jolt the man any harder than was comfortable, in fear of being whipped to death. "Heartless shidi, ignoring me. The least you could do is threaten to break my legs, you know." That last part came out more honest than he expected. Because yeah. He'd rather Jiang Cheng threaten him with Zidian for all he cared that he might die, hell he'd rather Jiang Cheng maul him right here right now than straight up looking through him as if he was glass. Jiang Cheng flinched upon contact, but he didn't turn. Wei Wuxian was only perceptive enough to notice the shiver through the thick fabric of his shoulder, gone in a second, replaced instead with firm, tense muscles. . During a night hunt, Wei Wuxian gets his body back and is now responsible for telling his shidi what happened without having a chance to escape. Of course that went wrong as well, but in a different way than he imagined. It seems like no matter what happened, Wei Wuxian will always be surprised by the sheer unconditionality of Jiang Cheng's love and faith.

Author: yue_yinbai Words: 11,164 Chapters: 1

This is an au where WWX gets his body back and he has a lot of mixed feelings about it. Many other people have feelings. There's a heart to heart and a make up/feelings session with WWX and JC that is really sad but sweet to read about.

A Grand Immortal Made Me Soup

One thing had become incredibly clear. Wei Ying was much sicker than he had thought he was, and as a result, was now hallucinating. There was no reality where a Grand Immortal had actually shown up in his apartment, yelled at him about his shit-hole residence, and fed him soup. Absolutely in no way was a Grand Immortal in his apartment, and shitting on him for not finding a place that banned pets.

Author: s6115 Words: 5,040 Chapters: 1

This one's just hella funny but there is a bit of angst. Its a mix of an immortal au and a reincarnation au where JC is an immortal and WWX reincarnates in the modern world. Lowkey felt bad but it's a really heartwarming story. There are a lot of things that WWX doesn't get but he's trying.

The One-Body Problem

The good news is that Lan Jingyi has found a mentor, friend, and constant companion through the difficulties in life. The bad news is that that’s because he’s been accidentally possessed by the Yiling Patriarch.

Author: metisket Words: 28,689 Chapters: 2

LJY acts without thinking and gets possessed by WWX. It's such an interesting concept, especially since they are both hiding things from each other the whole time. It's a bit of a joyride tbh since yk LJY and WWX make an interesting combo but it's one of my favs

Tell Them How the Crowds Went Wild, Tell Them How I Hope They Shine

A-Yuan knows he has to be very careful in his new home. He has to be mindful of the hem of his pristine white robes, cautious of the volume of his voice, dutiful in his manners. A-Yuan has to be very, very good. Really, really good. Because otherwise, Baba might have to leave, like Mama. A-Yuan did not want to lose Baba too. Or: A-Yuan did not forget everything of the Burial Mounds - he remembered a bright smile, a cheerful laugh, the warmth of strong arms, and a single name. It's up to Lan Wangji to make sure he does not forget it all.

Author: GinnyRose Words: 4,598 Chapters: 1

This is told in LSZ's point of view. It's a bit angsty but not too bad.

i don't know how to be something you miss (i'll watch your life in pictures like i used to watch you sleep)

Wei Wuxian died. That should've been the end of it. He gained consciousness again in the Jingshi, unable to leave, while Lan Wangji was in seclusion. He proceeded to watch A-Yuan grow up.

Author: mfingenius Words: 7,071 Chapters: 1

This one is kinda sad. Halfway through I lowkey almost cried because of how bad I felt. I don't want to spoil but this one gave me the feels. I love ghost WWX aus and I actively search for them but this one- *chefs kiss*

A Dramatic Reading

Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian make out in a room full of Sect Leaders, Jiang Cheng tearfully declares his love for his estranged brother, Sect Leaders Yao and Ouyang beg for the Yiling Patriarch’s forgiveness, and Lan Qiren openly welcomes a new nephew-in-law into his family. None of them want to be doing any of this. Thanks to the Juniors, they don’t exactly have a choice. (Or, wherein the Juniors accidentally write a cursed fanfiction, and everyone has to reenact their parts in it, or potentially cease to exist).

Author: pupeez4eva Words: 5,627 Chapters: 1

This is such a crack fic but is so damn funny. Everyone just wants to kill the juniors because their guilty pleasure of writing wangxian fanfics gets outed. LWJ and WWX don't get together post-canon and the juniors got sick of them and started writing cringy fanfiction. This fic cured some of the angst I've been reading.

[autumnalfallingleaves]

002

Frilda

002 | Send me a ship and I will tell you:

When I started shipping them:

Definitely after I finished watching s2, back when it first dropped. I think it was actually pretty soon after I posted my first art of my teen designs for the kids, because when I posted my adult designs for Hilda and Frida, I was like "yeah this is Frilda lol." I'd taken note of how they interacted in both seasons and so. lmao

My thoughts:

The witch-Familiar bond makes it so that they are basically canonically life partners now and I just can't get over that?? And they would also do anything for the other and that's also canon and I cannot get over that! These kids are so gay for each other and they're such a good match!!

What makes me happy about them:

Like I said, they're a great match for each other and they also push each other to do new things that expand their worldviews. Also, even if their bond stays platonic within the show, they are still life partners and I think that's kind of amazing. They are completely and utterly devoted to one another and I think they both kind of really need that, that reassurance that they'll always have each other.

What makes me sad about them:

They'll probably always have to hide their witch-Familiar bond from the majority of people, as the witches tend to stay pretty hidden. I just think that that would be hard for them, as that's one of the most important aspects of their partnership. Sure they're girlfriends (or married, if they're older), but that magical bond is incredibly important to their bond and to who they are, so it can't be easy to hide that. They just want to fully be themselves :(

Things done in fanfic that annoys me:

Well, there isn't a lot of fic for them, so I can't really answer this :/

Things I look for in fanfic:

Just. The two of them realizing they like each other and figuring out how to fit their new romantic feelings into their established bond and how that might change their relationship, but that change is ultimately good

My wishlist:

Canon PLEASE give me canonical Frilda. Please. I'd even take a little blush on one or both of their parts. All I ask for is crumbs. Also, I really, really want a more in-depth exploration of the witch-Familiar bond and how that affects them both. And I'd like for it to be stated that it is a lifetime bond, and they accept and look forward to that. Please I need it

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: 

They'd both end up with other girls (as I headcanon Frida as sapphic and Hilda as a lesbian), but I'm not sure who I'd want Frida to end up with. I do, however, have my kinda-canon kinda-OC Bethany, who I could see myself shipping Hilda with.

My happily ever after for them:

They get to stay together and be happy with the rest of their family in their own little Wilderness home and they don't have to face off against the Safety Patrol again (thanks, Gerda) and they can just be themselves without worrying about having to conceal their magic.

Fandom/ship/character asks

[you-misunderstood-the-beatles]

this definitely isnt a cry for help....but i lie sometimes

also beware bc its a short story so theres many many details in a lil bit of time...im not sorry

NOT EDITED I JUST THREW THIS TOGETHER...ITS 12:30 AM (no names are real, especially mine lmao)

Hi, I'm Georgie and I'm not sure why the universe decided to do this to me…let me explain. I have spent my whole life trying to figure out where i can be myself naturally and fully but when i finally thought i found that space, i was so insanely wrong that i felt stupid. I found Maeve and Grace at different times. I met Maeve about a month after I found this "special place" and i found Grace around a year into doing it. My special place was a stage. I found love for acting and singing and dancing in front of countless people. Theater was my home, and I cherished it the best I could.

It was a mentally stimulating hobby. I got to focus one one specific thing for months on end and it was amazing…until I met Camille, that is. Camille was the epitome of textbook basic bitch. She had long brown hair, big brown eyes and she had a lot of money, courtesy of being related to the mayor, of all people. She went to a private catholic school and was pretty popular there too, from what I had heard from Maeve, who had also gone to the same school for a really long time.

Maeve and Camille were attached at the hip. And sure, I could be projecting my own insecurities into this but to be honest, Camille has never liked me, and I've known that. For almost a year I was a threat to her only lasting friendship she had ever experienced. Especially since she's a toxic bitch and one of the reasons she hates me beyond reasonable doubt is because at that point I had been the only person ever brave enough to call her out on it.

Camille was absolutely, positively a bad person.

Sure I wasn't as talented or experienced as them but at least I tried…Camille, Maeve and Grace started getting closer after about 4 months of me being friends with Grace. Grace had been one of my main confidants. She listened when I told her about my family problems or friendly problems, and I did the same for her. We trusted each other…or so I thought. After we finished with our spring show for the year we had a party where the entire cast was invited. A 'cast party' dare I say…

At this cast party we had nearly the whole cast of the show there, including Maeve, Grace and the one Bitch to rule all Bitches, Camille. I avoided them, for the most part, I had other friends i was allowed to hang out with. One of them being a girl named Livvy. She was sweet and she was good at singing and acting and being a friend. She was good. She was younger than me but so were Maeve, Grace and Camille so what's new?

Livvy was quiet unless with friends, which made me glad to be considered one of hers because I got to know the true Livvy… Sure she could let her slightly chaotic nature show in dramatic bursts but i enjoyed that about her. Livvy reminded me of Camille if she was a good friend or person. Livvy listened but we weren't super close, not like how I was with Maeve or Grace but we were good together, we contrated perfectly and our naturally polite personalities didn't ever clash which was relieveing.

Another girl I'm friends with who was there is Lilly. Her and Livvy had been friends since they were 3. They talk about it a lot, I don't mind it though. It's fun getting to hear about things they've enjoyed doing together for years! It just sometimes makes me sad that I never get close enough to people for them to enjoy my presence or if we do get close enough something, or someone, happens and they don't care anymore. Here's where the story comes in more.

There's another girl to introduce though…her name is Jaqueline. She's small and young and blonde and talented but, just like Camille, she's an asshole.And just like Camille, she hides her bitchyness with talent and sweet talking the older people in her life to get what she wants. Oh and I forgot to add…both Camille and Jaqueline got leads…

I got to the cast party so so so excited to finally get to hang out with Maeve without Camille watching like a hawk but sadly Camille was there, fortunately she was hanging around Jaqueline and a girl named Laila who follows her around everywhere anyway. I finally was able to chill with Maeve and Grace they started walking away or acting like I wasn't even there…shitty thing to do, I know. But it isn't like I need their attention…they are just some of my best friends I have so of course i wanted to hang out with them.

When everyone left the party me and my family were the last ones to leave, like always, and when we had gotten home i got a call from Maeve and it went something like this: "Hey, Georgie! Me and Grace just found out we're cousins!!!" "Uhm, what?" "Me and Grace are fourth cousins!!" "Look, that sounds great but I have a question for you…" "yeah sure, what is it?" "I heard you and grace talking about having a sleepover earlier, is she staying at your house tonight?" "Yeah! why?" "oh, no reason…congratulations on finding out you guys are cousins i guess but i just got home and im exhausted…im gonna go." "ok byeeee"

They met because of me. I created this mess. I've been telling Maeve we should hang out here and there and she's always "busy" but as soon as her and Grace click they're having sleepovers? Bullshit. Absolute bullshit.

Maeve is the one who has said over and over for more than a year that if she didn't have me she wouldn't know what she would do…and then she ignores me on purpose and treats me like I'm nothing but gum on the bottom of her shoe….

Why me? Why make me go through so much just for me to regret every last desicion I've ever made…? Why?

I don't even know how to recover from this stab straight to the heart…what do I do? I've only ever turned to Maeve and Grace for my problems…what do I do now?

[cinderfeather]

20 Questions For Writers

Yay, thank's for the tag @sinvulkt! I've seen this going round and been hoping to participate.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

21

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

81,221 words! That's basically a novel, although split out across many shorter works.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Almost all my works are Star Wars (Luke & Vader or occasionally prequals Anakin), then DC (Superman). I only have one fic about Superman posted, but I do have quite a few drafts about him.

I also try to write origional works, but I find it a lot harder to create something I feel is as compelling without having 'the iceberg of canon' beneath it. (Granted I've made a lot of progress on trying to write origional works since I started writing fanfic.)

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Operation CHEER LUKE UP AFTER BESPIN (Star Wars OT)

282 kudos

This was the first fic I ever posted. I do want to finish this one, but I'm currently facing a challenging plothole, so I keep waiting till I've finished up whatever other WIP I'm working on, and then after finishing a WIP I want a break before coming back to writing a fic again, except that after a break I come up with another WIP idea…

2. Whose Propaganda is it Anyway? (Star Wars OT)

134 kudos

I'm surprised this beat Mistaken Son-dentity, given that it gets quite serious toward the end. But rereading it again I forgot how fun the first part was, and the way the first line eches the last.

3. Mistaken Son-dentity (Star Wars OT)

120 kudos

I love the crack in this one, I often think back on it if I need a way to cheer myself up but don't have access to my Ao3 bookmarks (given that I wrote it it's much easier to play in my head).

4. Skeptics of the Force (Star Wars OT)

119 kudos

I'm very proud of this one. It's the longest thing I've ever finished, and it grew from what I thought would be 7,000 words to 36,000 words. I edit very slowly so that was a Marathon! The plot and foreshadowing was very complex, so by the end it I was playing whack-a-mole with all the inconsistencies.

5. Hide (Star Wars OT)

111 kudos

I'm surprised this one was so well loved, it's very short and I was hesitant to post it because it felt a bit unfinished and like just the start of something. So I'm glad I did!

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes, occasionally I miss some but in general I try to keep up with them. If someone gives me unsolicited constructive critisim I generally don't reply, but I'm reluctant to delete their comment.

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hmm. So there are several top contenders:

Initially I thought The Haunting of Order-66 might be it, but then I realised that while that was one of the angster ones, it actually had quite a hopeful ending.

Alone is sad, but I don't quite feel it has the gut punch to be the top contender.

Ghost is also pretty up there, but I'd say the ending leans more into horror than 'angst'.

The above two lean into 'not getting there in time', but I think the betrayal in 'Can't Go Home' elevates the angst to another level. (I double-checked The Right Hand of Justice because it Very Much explores betrayal, but the acceptance and teeny tiny thread of hope laced into the end knocks it from first place.)

So Can't Go Home is the winner!

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Hmm. I think Rivers of Lava, Rivers of Life has a beautiful ending.

8. Do you get hate on your fic?

There's a lot of imaginary hate in my head when I'm working through those last few edits before I post something 😅. Occasionally people have said they didn't like some of the ways my characters behaved, but I think it's mostly just being annoyed at them, not at the fic.

9. Do you write smut?

I don't have any posted, but there is some in my drafts. If I edited some I'm not sure if I'd post it under this account or make another I keep separate.

10. Do you write crossovers?

Sort of. I stumbled across the song 'I Know Those Eyes/This Man is Dead' (from The Count of Monte Cristo musical) and instantly went 'This has EPIC Vader/Padme reunion vibes. I promptly went and wrote a fic based on those vibes alone, and then after I finished I watched a film adaptation and read the book so I finally knew what was going on (because I knew if I looked up what was happening before I wrote the fic my perfectionism would get in the way and I'd never end up writing it).

Now, after reading the giant tome that was The Count of Monte Cristo I have an idea for a more accurate crossover called 'The Sith of Monte Cristo,' but (as I predicted) I feel too overwhelmed to write that one.

In addition, when I read Hamlet last year for the first time in my life, I was entranced and sketched out a Luke!Hamlet AU, but I also feel like that might be quite a bit of work so I haven't been motivated enough to write that either.

Finally, The Right Hand of Justice technically falls into the crossover category on Ao3, but it doesn't feel like a myth retelling makes sense to label a 'Crossover'.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

If Ao3 ever been scraped as a dataset into a Large-Language-Model.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not yet, I can only speak one language. Feel free to offer if you'd like to translate one of mine, though!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Not yet!

14. What‘s your all-time favourite ship?

Um, does 'Superman/anyone' count? I love Clois, but sometimes I wish there were more AUs so it wasn't just Superman/Reporter all the time. I also love a good Clex, the enimies-to-lovers angst is delicious. I am super down for Superbat - it has the double the Identity Shennagins from Clois with a light dose of the Enimies-To-Lovers angst from Clex.

However, this might be weird, but I'm really, really down for Superman/Female Origional Character, just someone fun and quirky and quite fleshed out but a bit different to Lois's personality (because I have read mountains and mountins of Clois and while it's amazing I sometimes get a little bored of the narrowness of reporter life and the 'in love with Superman, in friends with Clark' tropes). I have a few drafts of this, but then I worry that a female OC in fandom won't be very popular so I don't clean them up 😅

15. What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Um. Um. I mean I want to finish 'Cheer Luke Up' and I will, okay, I will. It just could possibly take up to quite a number of years before I get back into it. I'm getting faster at editing, so one day it might not take that much work to finish up. I think it's just past the half-way point at the moment.

16. What’s your writing strengths?

I'm really proud of a lot of the cosmic horror I've done! I think it has a great sense of a slow buildup of dread, and then some really unique and otherworldly horrors, tinged with just the right amount of wonder and awe.

17. What’s your writing weaknesses?

Perfectionism. The initial draft isn't too hard, but it usually takes at a minimum a full week of being mostly focused on it to months for anything above 5k words. It tends to exhaust and frustrate me so much.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Haven't done it yet (unless you count me makeing up stuff that sounds like Latin or outright using Latin in one or two sentences). As long as it fits well, but I think excessive use of it could frustrate the reader.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Star Wars Origional Trilogy

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

Aaaaaahh. I think Stride of Terror is an awesome 'Vader captures Luke' fic, 'Cheer Luke Up' is the silliest, wildest, unhinged crack, Skeptics of the Force gazes into the abyss, and The Sith in Yellow is a really impressive piece of cosmic horror.

I'm going to say Skeptics of the Force, because out of all my fics when I think about how to bind one into a book it's that one that I want the most.

Tag time (if you wish to): @andyboops, @insertmeaningfulusername, @smolavidreader, @overallobsessiveness, @softlysuited, @softieskywalker

[skittlesmcgee]

I have a sad.

I have a sad. I'm not going to say that I am sad because I am not my emotions. I have a sad. The weird thing is it's not like any sad I've ever had. Don't get me wrong. I just sobbed in the shower, as one does who is having a sad. And a few times today, the sad has leaked out of my eyes. But it's a different sad. I knew this wasn't long-term. We both did. And we are still friends, really good friends. I still take care of his cats when he travels. I'm sure we will get together with mutual friends. Pretty sure we are reading buddies now. I'm sure that when his world gets too quiet, I will drink his coffee on his couch and add nonsense and stories to his world on a Sunday afternoon, get a hug, and drive back home. But this is a different sad because there is a lot of good that came out of this. I finally turned several corners. In order to prove to him that my end-goal was not to move in together, I had to settle into my place. I had been living in liminal spaces for so long. I had moved out of the life in Iowa long before I really left, so many years of one foot out the door. I knew I wasn't going back to Iowa but I wasn't sure this was where I was staying. (More one foot out the door) He made it clear that moving in was not an option, not that I even considered it. (Seriously, I don't want to trip over anyone's shoes or have them fuck up my toothpaste.) So I proved that I wasn't looking for that by finally nesting. I pulled out things that made me happy and hung them up. I got rid of the "sorta works" furniture and got pieces that make me happy, that suit my life here. I bought more towels, cleaned drawers, put away stuff that isn't really a part of my life anymore. For a few months, I got to experiences pieces of an intimate relationship. Not a sexual relationship but an intimate one. That's twice in the last year that I've had glimpses of what that looks like. That's twice, in a fairly short time, the universe has showed me what I've been missing all these years and then the possibility of that continuing beyond friendship was removed. Psych!!! I started working out again. I'm making better food choices. I started taking better care of me. I've been in survival mode for so long. I finally started living again. The kind of living that doesn't involve finding brain chemicals in food. Probably the most important thing to come from this was me being absolutely me. I didn't hide. I didn't change. I didn't try to be something I'm not. I spoke my needs. I asked for things. I advocated for myself. I was safe in a relationship. I know how that feels now. I know I can't and won't settle for anything less.

I have a sad today and probably that sad will hang around into the week. But I am not my sad and my sad is not me.

[wardsbackpoet]

Okay heres the rest;

Thank you!!! Goodbye! Hope you have an amazing day night evening uh yeah!!! Hope you have a great wonderful [uh]!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Static: Yes, definitely a part of one of the playlists I’ve built myself for Tweek. I may be mistaken, but I think the first time I heard it was on recommendation of butterwholesomesurfer, who also has drawn amazing art of the fic.

No way out: I love T.S.O.L. who doesn’t, right? Okay, a bunch of people who don’t know who they are, but who needs ‘em? Also, heck yeah, it fits. Tweek feeling he’s surrounded by danger and running out of places to hide from it? Yeah, it fits.

Constantly in between: I did not know this song, but yes, I can see it fitting, especially with the way you described, and with the ‘long way away always’ part and him feeling like maybe he doesn’t have a home so much anymore and he’s so far from what he’s known.

Scratch: That definitely makes sense and would be perfect for yeah, exactly that, him feeling the best he’d ever felt, and then losing everything all at once and getting shipped off to some town he doesn’t know and where he’s alone to just like, rebuild and literally start over from scratch.

Can’t decide: Oh, fuck yes. Just that. Yeah, nailed it.

Miserable failure: Oh yeah, definitely with his internal monologue of him just always fucking everything up, and also him just wanting to live life by rules that make sense to him—like, in the way he’s a bit of an anarchist/rule-breaker but he also strictly follows his own moral code—and he gets hate for it from some kids in South Park, especially. That makes a bunch of sense.

Can’t cheat karma: Holy Fuck I love Zounds and no one ever knows who they are gndkgbfdgbdqg fuck I like you. Also yes, this is definitely a Tweek song. I think it’s in that songs for later playlist, maybe. I dunno. I also considered Fear, for obvious (I think) reasons. Personal fave has gotta be Did He Jump or Was He Pushed/The Unfree Child/My Mummy’s Gone, or, or, Dirty Squatters. That one’s just a fun song.

Space ooze: Pretty self-explanatory, & I didn’t know this song by I added it in the songs for later playlist and in another one ‘cause the first is getting way too long & I don’t wanna ‘lose’ this song.

Conform: Oh, for sure, totally his (and my) jam.

Eyes in the back of your head: Oooh I haven’t listened to the adicts in a whiiiiile. So like, just yes, obviously.

I feel bad bein’ me: You know what? Like, yeah, he doesn’t like feeling sorry for himself, but a part of him still does. Like, sure, he stays sorta positive, or he gets angry instead of sad, but he still knows he missed out and it wasn’t fair and he should’ve had it easier. So like, yeah, I think it still fits.

Ghost: Yeah, I can see that, for like, all those times he feels like no one gets him and the only person who ever really saw him is gone, right?

Oh, as a bonus, 'cause I think I asked you before if you like Pete Bernhard, his song Orphan, right? I've never been much for followin' rules -yes, Tweek I always go out and act a fool -yes, Tweek, in his past And somethin' bad would happen by and by - Duh Can't say I'm always proud of myself -Yes, Tweek But I don't wish I was somebody else - Yes, Tweek In fact, I'd rather be me than you -Yes, Tweek But a lot of people don't like me - Yup, Tweek Not my music, I mean personally - Again, just yeah They wanna tell how to act and what to say - Yes, Tweek Would you rather be an orphan or a slave? - Well come on, he was basically a slave and now he's an orphan, pretty much. Would you rather be an orphan or a slave? - And also the fact it's in question form because he's sometimes missed his old life but really, when it all boils down to it, he'd rather be an orphan than a slave so like, yeah. Right?

Anyways, I'm planning to fit that one in at some point, hopefully.

[a-complex-joke]

Manifestation and Rebounding

Chapter 4

MASTERLIST

Emily POV

We had started to walk back to the park, and there was now a nice banter between us pushing away any feelings of embarrassment or shame I might have had.

“Ok, what's up with your family? I told you my drama now you share. Why didn't you do Christmas with them? ” I asked, honestly I wonder what kind of people raised Brian, and if he is this hot how attractive are his siblings?

“Mmm, not much to say, I love my family. Sure I've had disagreements with them and none of them live in town but I'm not estranged or anything. And as for your second question, I was already supposed to go with Clara to her family's Christmas. My family is pretty wealthy and Clara’s family was also quite well off so it was no issue that we needed to travel to see them. But then I found her naked and cuddled up to one of my coworkers.” Brian said bitterly.

“That's terrible, why would she do that to you?”

“Well, she said that I was taking too long to propose. Part of me thinks she's right. Should I have done it right out of high school?” I don't think he was truly looking for an answer, just venting.

“To me, it seems more likely that this wasn't her first time cheating. Not to put that thought into your head. Say you hadn't found out and proposed later, do you really think she would stopped cheating” I was out of line, 8 mean I've only known this guy 3 days, and here I am giving him relationship advice.

“I know your right, I was gonna do it at Christmas. Pop the question. I mean how crazy is that? To think if I hadn't gone home early, this right here wouldn't be happening” he laughed sourly.

“How did you react when it happened?”

“At first I felt betrayed, then mad at them both, and then just mad at her. The guy had no clue she was in a relationship, let alone with me. I yelled and so did she. said she didn't need me to be happy, but I needed her. I almost thought about kicking her out but I just left. She texted and said she would get her stuff out of there” his eyes seemed glossed over as he spoke.

I hugged his arm, making him look down at me.

“You didn't deserve that. Just because she made a bad choice doesn't mean you're the cause. If she really wanted to be with you forever, she should have had a conversation with you and certainly wouldn't go and cheat. Sometimes we just love people who suck”

He had stopped walking just staring at each other's faces.

Taking in my words, I was surprised myself.

“Eh sorry shouldn't have grabbed onto you like that,” I said unlacing my arms from around his.

“Oh it's fine, warming me up in the chilly weather,” she said looking away to hide his blush.

I seemed the hear on my face grow hotter as well.

“Oh looks like we're also back at the park,” I said trying to change the subject.

“Yeah… I guess we are” he said seeming a bit sad.

“Sorry for bringing that up seems I spoiled the mood” I admitted.

“You didn't, it actually felt great to get it off my chest. I'm just bummed we can't hang out longer” he laughed.

His words made my heart skip. Sure we had said we would see where this relationship goes but in the back of my mind, I wanted dearly to grab his face and kiss him till one of us passes out.

“... Who says we can't” I turned away from him. “The day is young, we could drive over to the movie theater and see something” I offered.

This seemed to relight a spark of joy in him. 

“Ok let's do it! Do you want to drive separately and meet back up or drive together?”

“Let go together, though you might be annoyed with me by the end of the day” I laughed wrapping. 

Myself around his arm again. “Your driving through”

He seemed to have no problems with that.

“Holy moley, THIS is your car?” It was in utter shock, at the old school blue Mustang sat before me.

“Yeah? What you scared of it or something” he joked.

“No this is my like dream car right here” I jumped out of my boots.

“Well it's much cooler on the inside, so hope on in Suga,” Brian said putting on a funny voice.

I rushed to quickly get in the car hoping to hide my blushing face.

Was a pretty good driver, maybe it was the fact the car was older so he was more careful.

The radio played softly, just enough to make out that a song was playing at all.

I tried to focus on anything other than Brian.

I had noticed pretty soon after we left the way his bulge was pronounced as he sat in the car.

Lord imagine giving him road-head in this car, him waving at some rando on the street them unaware that im sucking his soul out of him.

“You quiet, something on your mind” my fantasy interrupted by the man in question.

“Oh n-no just spaced out sorry d-did you say something” I tried to play it cool.

“Just was asking, if there's any movies you wanted to see.”

“Oh I think that movie Bounty Drag seemed interesting” Brian raised an eyebrow not taking his eyes off the road. “It’s about this drag racer who’s down on his luck but after helping to catch a bank robber he realizes he wants to be a bounty hunter, combining his love for racing and justice” I explained.

“That could be fun, that's what we're gonna see?”

“I mean if you want im not picky” I am actually but not with movies.

Brian just smiled to himself.

[ang3l-core]

A little bit bitter

Really sad isn't it ? how one of the things that I feel like can really make me feel the most unhappy at times whenever I'm reminded of it's existence had to have such an unfortunate truth in which I was told about when I was bit younger a couple years ago that there was pretty much nothing that I could do about it

And I guess I'm just a little bit bitter I suppose and still even now because for years I have basically had to sit back and just watch while something I had a predisposition for that was embedded in my genetic code progressed into even more and more worse illness and kept on overlapping and causing problems until it had took over my whole body

A disease in my connective tissues that are connecting me, so tightly woven like a fabric so it could make sure to be together with me forever permanently for eternity

Perhaps even after death, so I don't even think I could even ever give some of myself away to save somebody else

So in some way I kind of feel sort of like guilt or shame about it

Cuz back when I was a kid all I wanted to do was donate but now I honestly don't think that that's ever gonna happen because I don't really want anyone to be inheriting what had been little by little eating at me away

Anyways I didn't want this to feel like I'm just tryna be like really bleak or morbid

I just feel like at my core in reality having this for me this is what it is

I could try to hide it from people and you could just see only the smiling version of me

But what you wouldn't see from looking at the warmth in my eyes are also all the moments where I still feel horrible and emotionally torn because how this has progressed for me so far has been heart-wrenching

I feel like honestly I am still struggling with coming to terms still with how this is how life is for me

I wanna still have hope that I actually can do this and I can make it through this, like how it's all been affecting me like mentally and physically

But I think I have somewhat given up hopes on ever escaping this thing because in a way somehow I guess that interchangeably that u could say really I am it or it is me

And also I guess that it's still apart of my body so it's a part of me so as the years go by and it's progressing and changing along with me

I've been tryna relearn to still love myself with it but it hasn't exactly been easy

Now after all the days, months and another whole calender goes around again I am proud to say that at least I've been managing it enough to prevent any more prolonged hospital stays

Even though I will still have alot of flare ups sometimes and bad days

But again I would say that it's alot more comfortable trying to take care of it in not an uncomfortable bed with cold rails somewhere with super noisy surroundings but in the comfort of my own home

Which for me is still a little bit better just being in a space that for me is more normal around things that make just a little more happy because it's about quality of life you know

There are sometimes though for me when going through this gets to be alot for me and very lonely and "hell" just honestly sounds like another word for my vessel

But I mean what more can I do when I'm already doing my best ? it's never a feeling that really goes away but I just try to learn to cope

And the best that I think I can do for now is just keep on making sure that I hang in there and if everything's gets too overwhelming for me in the moment I'll just try instead just focusing on one thing at a time

And just keep on trying to wake up everyday and take care of myself and then after today I can focus on tomorrow