#it's past 9am and instead of sleep i wrote this

[madomadotsuki]

Smol Yume Nikki theory: It takes place in the 80′s

     I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who has thought about this, and it’s probably not as unpopular. Maybe it’s just not talked about much, or people don’t really give it much thought. Which is cool, honestly. More fun for me here!

     For starters, let’s look in the most obvious pace of interest here in the game: Madotsuki’s bedroom:

     AND NO FOR ONCE WE’RE NOT GONNA TALK ABOUT THAT LOVABLY TACKY CARPET WITH WHAT ALL YN FANS CLAIM TO BE INSPIRED BY EITHER AZTEC OR PARACAS ART, LMAO. Let’s point out to something even more obvious but at the same time more shunned into a corner:

     Her gaming console.

     The Yume Nikki Wikia site says her console happens to be a Famicom, the Japanese counterpart to the NES. I’m no gaming history expert and for me video games were quite absent from childhood with cable TV with shows like Cartoon Network (Back when it was good...), Nicklodeon, Fox Kids (Does anyone else remember Fox Kids before they became Jetix today? Any of you out there???), and so on. I did and do still have a CCE Turbo Game old console packed away somewhere but it was always more played by my dad than me. So my first firmer dive into gaming was the Nintendo64, when my family recovered contact with some relatives, mostly cousins, and when we visited them, for the first time ever I saw them playing Mario Party 1 and Mario Kart 64. I think I was like 13?

     ANYWAY, I’m no gaming history expert, but that in Madotsuki’s room... doesn’t really resemble a Famicom, especially the controller. It’s depicted as being round, while the Famicom’s were more rectangular... And I’m pretty sure it wasn’t in such a bright, vibrant pink color (Although that wouldv’e been pretty cool!) Or at least that’s what I would tell myself at first when I looked more into the console.

     Yes, it is technically the NES many know, though Famicom was how it was more known in Japan. And yes it did have a more rectangular-shaped controller (Specifically, an oblong brick-like design) initially.

     The original model Famicom featured two game controllers, both of which were hardwired to the back of the console. The second controller lacked the START and SELECT buttons, but featured a small microphone. Relatively few games made use of this feature. The earliest produced Famicom units initially had square A and B buttons. This was changed to the circular designs because of the square buttons being caught in the controller casing when pressed down and glitches within the hardware causing the system to freeze occasionally while playing a game (Probably the 80′s version of that dreaded noise when you have a BSOD.)

     Two game controllers, both of which were hardwired to the back of the console. That is obviously not what we see in Madotsuki’s console. For once there is only one controller in view implying they can be unplugged, and it’s linked to the console at the front, which quite rules out the original model Famicom.

     I mean, it is very difficult to accurately point out what console that bunch of simple pixels is supposed to be. But aside from the Wiki itself claiming it’s a Famicom, let’s look at another detail in Yume Nikki that points to that: The parts of Madotsuki’s dream-world where everything (Including the frickin’ menu!) take a retro 8-bit design and aesthetic.

In RPG Maker, many files of the game that are responsible for these parts of the dreamscape share something in their filename. Annnnnd yeah, since they’re names in Japanese, extracting or whatever you do to them has a big chance of turning their names into that bunch of random gibberish. BUT! They tend to share two letters actually in English, which also lead to fans’ names to these respective dream-worlds: FC. FC World (Yeah some of the dream-worlds have pretty on-the-nose names but honestly that’s actually fitting for Yume Nikki somehow.) Most likely dreams that Madotsuki has, influenced by her gaming experience.

     FC, is a shortening of “Famicom”. And these dreams are both sonorous and graphically similar to the only game you can play on Madotsuki’s console (Yep, a game inside a game, bro.): NASU.

     The graphics and sound highly resemble authentic Famicom/NES hardware capabilities, although the game itself is fictional.

     And according to the wiki, there is a Famicom menu in the game, which could indicate that maybe there were more games supposed to be included along with NASU for Madotsuki/the player to play.

     So yeah that bunch of pixels might not exactly resemble a Famicom much, but I guess Kikiyama just wanted to make it simplistic and generic-looking to a certain degree instead of pixelating it exactly into an existing console model, despite apparently there being hints within the game files that it’s in fact a Famicom. And yeah the vibrant pinkish hue is kind out of place for this console in reality, especially back in a time where video-games were more seen as a boy-thing, so why would it be pink of all colors? I’m not sure if it happened to this console in particular, but there has been several cases of different-looking versions of a same game console usually as limited editions. Usually they were like colored differently, or like I remember in the N64 case, even had its shell semi-transparent so you could actually see its inner mechanics! Not to mention I have a yellow N64 controller as well. So a pink limited edition Famicom maybe isn’t too far-fetched. Especially if this ties with another theory that Madotsuki lives in Japan. If it was there it probably would be kind of exclusive to there, or at the very least be nearly impossible to see traces of those limited editions here, especially in a time like the 80′s (No EBay or anything like that, man.)

      Since the Famicom being the Japanese NES isn’t completely untrue, and considering it did have a couple redesigns since its first release on 1983, while I still say Madotsuki’s controller looks round and smooth, almost like a Super NES controller.

     BUT HOLD ON A SECOND. Look at her console again, look closely. It does look like it has two slots, doesn’t it? Well, what other game console was known for having two slots (So it could take cartridges of two different sizes) AND round controllers that were linked by the front and could be unplugged?

     The CCE Turbo Game.

     BOOM. Well, not really boom, it was just really interesting to point out. There most likely have been other consoles with this double-slot feature. But like I said before, it’s hard to determine what console it is merely by looking at its pixels, so I’d say take the clues in Yume Nikki’s gamefiles, and NASU’s similarity to Famicom/NES games.

     So, taking into account of it being a Famicom, but with still a round controller, I can’t say it was one of the first released models, square-like, much less hardwired to its back. But since I’m not here to cover whether Madotsuki lives in Japan or in America (Like, the creator is Japanese yeah, but Madotsuki’s room is very western-like too) which would be important to help definite which set of time she’s at, I will have to fluctuate that Yume Nikki takes places around from 1985 to maybe 1988, where this console was very popular.

     BUT. Moving on from her console, whew. Let’s look at another thing in her room: Her TV used to play her Famicom game in the first place.

     That is obviously not one of those thin HD TVs, ohohohoh oh no sir. That is quite clearly a box-like, heavy bastard of a retro tube TV (And you probably there thinking that your 2 pound laptop’s a deal, try working on a moving company back in a time where nearly every moving family at least had one of these heavy turds.) And believe me, I STILL HAVE THOSE IN MY HOUSE, AND THE MOST MODERN MODEL OF THEM HERE ACTUALLY COMES WITH A GAME OF TETRIS TO PLAY WITH THE REMOTE.

     Now I’m not gonna try to point out the TV’s side or model because that would be even more impossible than trying to determine what’s Madotsuki’s console, as the TV looks even more generic and simplistic than the former.

     But, it’s clearly not thin like those plasma or LED or HD or whatever the heck the cool kids have of latest model nowadays, and aside from being obviously a tube TV, look how it seems kind of rounded, slightly “inflated” like, rather than sharply square-like. While yes, there were sharp-looking square/rectangular tube TVs, these rounder, smoother models were more common in the 70′s and 80′s than they were in the 90′s, as even as still tube TVs they were slowly evolving to the sharp straight ones we have currently.

     And obviously point out how there’s no visible modern item in Madotsuki’s room. No computers, mobile phones, her desk apparently has only a diary that she writes on (Which is how you save your game progress) even though you don’t see it there because it’s probably too small to even bother pixeling, or she keeps it inside that little drawer and only takes it out when she’s gonna write on it.

     Next, I’m going to move to some aspects of Madotsuki’s dream.

     I’ll start with the one place called The Pink Sea (Or Charcoal Sea, or Pastel Sea, or Pastel Shoal, or Pink Lemonade Ocean because that’s literally what it is and you know it’s true,) more specifically, Poniko’s room.

     Aside from it lacking any sort of visible modern-looking item just like Madotsuki’s room, just look at the colors used there. Pastels but still “firm” colors (In fact all the Pink Sea is colored in that aesthetic.)

     Know what these hues remind me of? 80′s Saturday morning cartoons.

     I get reminded of cartoons like My Little Poney (The old version, not the modern one you all know), The CareBears, the 80′s TMNT series, just to name a few. Their palettes often seemed soft, almost pastel-like, not to mention, the place does give a sort of 80′s aesthetic vibe too.

     Sure, Poniko’s room, and the Pink Sea altogether are only seen in Madotsuki’s dream in the game, like around 99% of everything else there, which maybe could discredit it being any clue to the time of the events of the game. But the room, despite being a dream, looks so well-shaped and un-abstract, Madotsuki must have seen it in real life, and recently, too. Otherwise her memory of it would have been a little fuzzy in the dream.

     Though, the Neon World also reminds me of the Neon 90′s which was like between 1990-1994 I think? Take Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog cartoon as an example of a Neon 90′s cartoon.

     Lastly, a small touch to Madotsuki’s behavior (This might get triggering a bit, but if you’re a Yume Nikki fan, you likely know very well where this is going.)

     She doesn’t seem willing to leave her room, or to even as much open her door. The closest she lets herself gain from the outside is going to her balcony, and yet we don’t see any other sign of civilization in the background, not to mention there seems to have some fog, which points out she’s in a tall apartment complex.

     That, isn’t as uncommon as we think, especially in Japan (Though again I’m not going to point out where she lives, so I’ll keep my view on that non-biased.) These people, are known there as hikkikomori, or shut-ins, people who withdraw themselves away from society, confining themselves to only inside their house or even more so only inside their room. While people have been trying to be more understanding of those shut-ins and trying to help them, back then, these people were a lot more seen as a shame to their families and rather than seek out help, they would simply not speak of their shut-in’s situation because it would embarrass their family. And as to help cover up that, they supply their shut-in with food and whatnot without seeing how that sheltering would affect them in the future rather than help them face and overcome the issue and encourage them to try being part of society again. I’m sure it may still happen nowadays but most likely not as much as back then. That may explain why nobody seems to come check on Madotsuki during the game (Unless they do while she’s sleeping, who knows?) and probably only come in to supply her with breakfast/lunch/dinner etc. This could imply that her family is ashamed of her choices, and probably see her and are snarky about her being a “failure” to their family name. This could have fed onto Madotsuki’s negative behaviors even furthers, striking her with feelings of guilt and depressions for being a shame to her family, but at the same time feeling even more unable to come out of her shut-in tendencies and choices. Like she was cornered with both hands tied. That, alongside her rather gloomy dreams, may have led her to her tragic end at the game’s ending (Which breaks my heart to this day, man.) She would have had bigger chances of getting help than getting to that point in a more current time, than a time like the 80′s, as people have been trying to improve life quality in many aspects at such a strong pace since around the 90′s to today.

     Sure, there are many other theories to why Madotsuki won’t leave her room, but most of them does involve her being a shut-in, while fewer ones with other reasons like she being grounded by her caretakers, kidnapped then locked, actually trying to keep herself safe from something right outside her door, etc.

     And not only her behavior, Madotsuki’s fashion does resemble that of like a 80′s little girl, or perhaps early 90′s. Aside from the braids, her clothes are very up to speculation only by these sprites. That’s why fans depict her with all sorts of red shoes. Maryjanes, sneakers, converses, slippers, or even just red socks.

     So my final guess: Yume Nikki takes place somewhere between 1985 and 1989.

     However, it’s not uncommon for people to still own and enjoy a Famicom today despite being considered an outdated console now, though the old tube TV is a bit of odd nowadays (Unless you’re in my family, we only have those lol) but hey, it’s just a theory, A GAME TH-- Uh. Yeah I’ve been watching a lot of The Game Theorists video yesterday and today, whoops.

[prettylittlelyres]

I have good news!

Hello, friends! It’s been a while since I’ve posted an update on my personal life, but here’s a new one.

I started a new job at the end of April - doing the same thing, which I still love, but working different hours - and I’m really enjoying it. This is the beginning of my fourth week at the new place: instead of working 12-hour shifts, alternating blocks of days and blocks of nights on a four-week rota that scheduled me to work every other weekend, I’m now working 9am-5pm, Monday to Friday, with overtime at weekends when I want to sign up for it. I really miss all my old colleagues, but leaving my previous place was the right thing to do because I just couldn’t deal with the constant changes in my sleep pattern anymore. After just one week of 9-5 work, I was feeling better, and now I have very nearly all the energy I need to do everything I want. (Trying to find the rest but not sure where it is... any pointers? Silly suggestions only, please. I have looked everywhere sensible.)

That includes writing regularly and frequently! One of the things that made me realise I needed to be on a day-shift-only pattern was the fact I’d barely written anything from January to April: about 12,000 words per month, or 400 words per day. Less than a single page of A4, when in the past I’ve managed four or five pages in a day, no trouble at all. Even on my days off, I was getting next to nothing done - especially in March, when I only wrote 7,150 words for the entire month - because I was sleeping off a night shift, or so exhausted in general that I couldn’t do anything that required brainpower. Most of my days off, I was spending asleep, or at the very least, in my pyjamas. Not getting enough exercise done, never making it to the swimming pool in my old town, and not writing enough letters to my grandmother, because I had nothing to write about. Imagine:

Dear Gran, today I have slept, like I did last night and all of yesterday. Tomorrow I shall go to work and then I will sleep again, and the day after that, I will go to work again and sleep again.

Not the most exciting letter for her to receive. It felt like all I did was work and sleep, sleep and work, and although I love the work I do, I wasn’t really taking much pleasure in it anymore because it was all I did. Like when you eat your favourite food twenty times in a month and it stops being your favourite food. I could tell I was heading for mental and physical burnout, and I really didn’t want that to happen. Love my job, love my co-workers, love my hobbies. But the only hobby I was managing to maintain was my clarinet practice (every single day since 5th March)... so in the middle of March, I realised it was time to look elsewhere: I knew I wanted the same kind of work, but with hours that would let me sleep regularly, and get into a routine for my evenings and weekends.

I’ve been so lucky to find exactly that at my new place... and the best part is: I don’t even have a commute now, because I work from home on a permanent basis! I have a beautiful blue desk, and a vase of flowers (given to me by my friends from my previous job - lasting an incredibly long time!) and an orchid (belonging to my sibling) on the windowsill. There’s enough downtime for me to continue my professional studies, and I live in a very beautiful region, so going for a walk at lunchtime is an absolute treat. My new co-workers are all really lovely, too; we have a company group-chat that stands in for the office we don’t attend, and occasionally there are get-togethers in person. I’m really looking forward to meeting them!

In the weeks since I’ve started my new job, I’ve started to develop a routine for my days: I’ve been getting up at the same time, getting ready for work and having some breakfast, and then dedicating 30-45 minutes to writing in my room before I go to my desk for 9am. At lunchtime, I lift weights, eat, and then go for a walk around my village, and then work until 5:30pm. In the evenings, I play my clarinet, do a little more writing, and have supper before I do a bit of yoga as a treat, and go to sleep with a podcast. Sleep finally feels like it’s refreshing me again, and I’m so glad I was right about what I needed to change! I took about a week off writing near the beginning of the month, but since then I’ve been averaging just over 1,000 words per day, and I’m really pleased!

It doesn’t surprise me at all that I’m thriving on a consistent routine. What surprises me is just how poorly I was coping with daily life when I couldn’t have one. The only things that were consistent were exhaustion and a mood that was on the floor... and clarinet practice. I’m doing so much better now, and I can’t recommend enough that you try to find a job with consistent hours if you’re struggling with adjusting sleep between shifts. It’s turned my life around and I feel like a completely different person since I’ve changed my hours.

Finally, my creativity and my motivation and (most of!) my energy have returned, and I’m me again. Me, and still loving my work, with time to see people and do things! (I told you it was good news!)

I hope you have some good news, too - or that good news comes to you soon - and that you’re all keeping well.

[missinghan]

radiant ⤖ han jisung

❖ genre : college!au ; love-hate relationship!au ; frenemies to lovers!au ; fluff

❖ word count : 10k.

❖ warning : explicit language & mentions of alcohol

❖ summary : you've made a mental note to yourself never to make dumb bets with J.One again because who knows you'll fall for Han Jisung over two cups of boba?

one.

College. 

That specific morifying seven-letter word can literally make someone jump off a cliff. Like straight up, Lucifer would rather drink and bathe himself in holy water than to join one of the world's most traumatizing systems. Where knowledge is being drilled into people's mind like a tattoo, and it's not even a cute one, one that you most likely will regret later. 

Man, what a life. 

After highschool, most people thought they were ready, physically and mentally. That's not true. Did you really think that you're ready for monotonous lectures, for back-to-back assignments with ridiculous deadlines, for cramming forty slides of the PowerPoint presentation from your professor the night before an exam just because your brain cells decided to say 'fuck it' in the middle of the lecture ? 

No one's ever ready for living to torture themselves. 

Not even Hwang Hyunjin. Hyunjin, the boy you grew up having him right by your window. Hyunjin, that one kid in class who would always hand people his homework whenever they asked for it. He's too kind for this world, for his own good, you often say that to yourself but Hyunjin isn't really all that great. 

He too takes pain in turning in assignments to the T.A and dreads his 9am classes tremendously. But, since he's got a rich ass uncle who has some spare apartments lying somewhat near college ( as long as he preserves the place and invites someone over to help paying the bills ), he doesn't have to deal with the struggles of living on campus. 

And you, just happen to have the honor to live with him. Well, more like temporarily to see how things will work out later. You despise living on campus anyway. 

"What's with the long face ? Did Minho ramble about his cats again instead of working ?" Hyunjin walks into the living room before dropping his keys into the gold-accent bowl that he previously purchased from a garage sale. It's quite convenient, actually, the keys never end up under the couch or some random drawers again.

You look up from your laptop screen, sparing him a glare and focusing back on your assignment. Being a media major is equivalent to taking lots of notes and a shit ton of reading which is a pain in the ass. Meanwhile, a theatre kid like your roommate has his midterms and finals as setting up plays for school's events. Pfft, privileged people.

You don't hate-hate the idea of going to school like some people, in fact, you genuinely love learning, but you're in desperate need of another word for 'child labour' to be applied to this ... situation.

"Ohoho.. It's way worse, trust me, you don't wanna know." You lean your head sideways on one of the pillows, words slightly slurred with your cheek being pressed against the soft surface.

Hyunjin raises his voice from the kitchen area. "Did he confess his love for you or something ?"

"Jesus no ! You know he's not into me like that." You almost screech and sit straight up. "We were supposed to finish our project that's due this Friday. And guess who else was there ? Another chick showed up ! I swear that I wasn't hallucinating, he brought a new one home every other day. She said she was just 'a friend'." You make the quote-on-quote sign with your fingers to emphasize.

You pull on your own hair dramatically with all your might, hissing under your breath just by recalling it. "And whenever we had a twenty-minute break every hour and a half or so, she keeps brushing herself against him, acting all innocent about it. I was deadass pissed off—"

"Woah woah, I don't think it's that—"

You throw your hands in the air helplessly, suppressing the urge to throw a tantrum. "It is that bad, Hyunjin ! The chick doesn't know how to take a fucking hint !" Whatever, Hyunjin is probably too tired to wait for you to finish complaining about some random classmate drooling over Minho because they do that all the time anyway.

"Damn." He sips on his apple juice. "I should come over next time. Might be a not-so-shitty, watered-down version of 'Fifty Shades of Grey'."

You shoot him a glare, closing your laptop shut. "I instantly regret moving in with you."

"Why ?" Hyunjin pouts and plops himself next to you on the beige-colored couch. He reaches for the remote on the coffee table while obnoxiously sipping on the box of juice.

"Because apparently, you love weird, gross, mushy noises as much as Minho does." You answer flatly, burying yourself deeper into the white fuzzy blanket. Actually, no. Living with Hyunjin isn't as bad as you're trying to make it sound.

He might not cook, but he knows some decent restaurant with reasonable prices. He might be all over the place sometimes while panicking over an upcoming exam but at least he keeps his space organized ( unlike Han Jisung, whose closet is a perfect resemblance of World War III ).

Hyunjin throws his apple juice into the nearby bin while scrolling through the 'Romance' section briefly. And sharing the same Netflix account is probably the best decision you two have ever made. "What's worth-hating here ? No smelly kids, no not-having-enough-personal-space problem. There's good food, a cute, quirky roommate which naturally equals good company. You're living your best life right now. The only downside to this is that you have to deal with my questionable sleeping habits."

Fine. Hwang Hyunjin is cute, and a total heartthrob to the entire school. You won't be surprised if every single male student hates him with a passion ( which they do ). Not to mention, all of your female classmates would be more than happy to finish all of your assignments within two days as long as you hand over his number. Although they might want to reconsider due to the fact that this good-looking boy is also that person who records his alarm by yelling at the top of his lungs into his phone speaker.

But, a good friend wouldn't do that, because even God doesn't know what those creepy girls would do once they had their hands on his phone number. This is also why you always get dirty looks from everyone just because you just happen to be his plus-one for everything.

And Hwang Hyunjin only needs a plus-one when Seungmin decides to hate him on that day ( which is almost everyday ). So there goes your reputation. You're probably nothing but a mediocre girl who just doesn't know when not to be all over her hot best friend in the people's eyes.

Hyunjin snaps his head towards the front door when the bell rings then proceeds to turn back to his roommate, showing those ridiculously adorable puppy that naturally implies as 'Get the door for me, will ya ?'. And although all you want to do is to slap him with your laptop, you still stand up nonetheless. You undo the chains and slides the lock over before swinging the door open.

"Hyunjin, I was wondering if you wanna come see us perform this Saturday. You know, at the school's mini music festival. 8p.m. Got two tickets to spare. You can get yourself a plus-one or something." And before you - with an obnoxiously loud tone, the leather jacket and Balenciaga cap - is Changbin, who sassily brushes past you and makes a beeline towards the couch, where Hyunjin is man-spreading, wrapped up securely in his white fluffy blanket.

He lazily sits up from his previous position, receiving the tickets with half-open eyes. "I'll go. As long as 'Wow' is on schedule." 'Wow' is 3racha's first and most definitely last attempt of a love song but somehow, it's managed to get itself a special place in Hyunjin's heart. Well, more accurately, everyone's heart.

Changbin cocks an eyebrow. "It's first on the list actually." He then turns to you with a smirk spread across his lips. "Whatcha say, Y/N ? We all know your favorite line is 'Excuse me noona, do you have a boyfriend ?' from the lovely J.One." He refers to one of Jisung's lines in a love song which he wrote at the age of 16, Changbin wasn’t even 18 himself then. Good times. And now literally every girl is more than ready to throw themselves at him anytime, anywhere. Chan really didn't lie when he proclaimed 3racha as 'hot'.

You shake your head with a timid smile tugged on your lips. "I don't think so Bin, I'm having midterms on Monday, J.One can be saved later as my midnight snack whenever I wanna grill his ass for pestering me during the golden hour aka 3a.m."

Midterms sound good enough for an excuse because everyone would literally kill keep their A-s on those report cards. But unfortunately, you can't just play on the infamous SpearB that easily because apparently, being roommates with Hyunjin has absolutely nothing to do with improving your awful acting skills.

Just then, the most inappropriate, insufferable, infuriating, and other synonyms for 'annoying' clapback clicks inside Changbin's brain when an imaginary lightbulb pops up at the top of his head. "Man, you two are really out there banging each other in secret—"

And out the door he goes before you feel the need to personally stitch up his lips with your terrible sewing skills from elementary school. You close your eyes and takes in a deep breath, shutting the door behind your back while Hyunjin is too busy laughing his ass off on the couch.

This is getting to the point where you don't even need Han Jisung to be here to have the urge to strangle him, because his trash friends are no help at all.

two.

You step onto the bus with your earbuds on, right hand dropping the bus ticket into the glass box that's neatly placed right beside the driver's seat. Another day, another 4 hours of lectures and 2 continuous shifts which is another 5 hours at the café on campus, in which, sucks. But, what makes it even suckier comes right in three, two, one..

"Two people please !" A disturbingly obnoxious voice chirps right behind you. Just then, a figure dashes through the couple who are currently throwing daggers at him with their eyes. Not this again. You groans to yourself before sliding an extra ticket into the box because you definitely know better than to mess with a cranky bus driver. That boy over there really gotta pay for that shit.

Then, you take a seat beside the window, deciding to ignore the pest who just made you spend an extra ticket for his ride. You really should have taken another bus instead of the 325. Suddenly, a hand reaches towards one of your earbuds and pulls it out quickly. A puff of air hits your left eardrums like a rush of electricity, causing you to jump a bit.

"Can you stay still for a good span of 10 fucking seconds ?" You deadpan and and snap your head around. And before you - with slightly damp fringe covering his warm brown orbs, cute button nose and peachy lips ( gross ) - is Han Jisung. More accurately, the bane of your existence.

Jisung chuckles loudly at the big scowl on your face as he angles his head to take a proper look at you. You look like you just rolled out of bed, literally, not even metaphorically. Sweatpants, flannels and sneakers are the way to go if you're gonna be on your feet all day running around to serve sleep-deprived students and professors. Of course you look like a complete bum, it's 9a.m. What did he expect ?

"Aw." He pouts. "Where's the fun in that then, little cub ?"

And when Jisung reaches a hand out to pat your head, you frowns at his particularly ridiculous nickname for you and slaps his hand away. He watched the new remake of 'The Lion King' before the new semester started and cried like a total baby when Mufasa fell off the cliff, said Felix. Honestly, you wouldn't blame him because those devastating thirty seconds remain to be the most heartbreaking scene that Disney has ever invented. But still, the nickname is painfully unoriginal.

"Man, I hope you bombed your midterms or something." You speak up flatly, a slightly better retort lingering at the tip of your tongue but you're far too tired to argue with him anyway. And not to mention, your previous statement is completely useless because if Hwang Hyunjin is that kid who works his ass off to get good grades then Jisung is the complete opposite of that. He can sleep through ten lectures and still get a minimum of 90% on his exams. The perks of being a prodigy since newborn, can't relate.

Jisung feigns a painful expression, scrunching his nose up in fake agony. "How supportive of you, so incredibly validating." He cocks his head upwards carelessly, giving you a full view of his side profile.

Okay. Despite his annoying personality and questionable nicknames for everyone then Han Jisung is kinda attractive. You get it, you get it, Hwang Hyunjin is attractive but this prick is another kind of attractive.

Whenever he screams his heart out at the mic on stage, there are literal silver and gold specks floating in his eyes like an explosion of stardust scattered across the whole universe. And the way he conveys his emotions into his lyrics to perform an entire song on stage is just tremendously remarkable. No wonder all the girls always come rushing in when J.One is on stage.

Wait, were you thinking about Han Jisung or J.One ? But no, Han Jisung is J.One. It's just that J.One is slightly cooler than Jisung because he doesn't pester people until they have a cardiac arrest. Whatever, your brain is already yelling for retirement.

"You are coming to watch my performance right ?" Jisung suddenly leans over, your noses almost touching. Being the idiotic person that you are, your body immediately locks itself in place, hissing slightly at the current proximity. Great, now what ?

"Ooh." A low whistle escapes his lips. "You were too busy checking me out. It's okay, that's understandable. Not everyone can have a close-up of J.One's out-of-this-world visual." He flips his imaginary long hair and you make a gagging noise.

"I was not !" You exclaim upon embarrassment, cheeks turning into a bright shade of coral. "There's just something in your teeth."

"Uh huh, I doubt it." Yeah, he would never buy that. Jisung smiles at you cheekily and once again, Han Jisung has proved that he's the kind of guy who has the particular type of smile that makes you want to knock their teeth out. Although you can't help but fall for it nonetheless. Very typical of you. "So, are you coming or nah ?"

Your heart tingles a bit, and you feel like you can just pass out right here right now on this stupid bus in the middle of this stupid conversation with his stupid boy and his stupid smile. "No, I have my midterms on Monday. Guess who's pulling all nighters again ?" You push his face away because if not, you might as well just explode and make a fool of yourself.

"Ahhhh, why not ?" Jisung whines as if there's no tomorrow. "It's not like you enjoy drowning yourself in Kang's 40 slides of 'History of Media 101' anyway." Now, for once in a fairly long time, the bastard finally said something that wasn't complete bullshit. And you're starting to reconsider your decision because although Han Jisung is undeniably insufferable, J.One can make it up with his dope performances. But then again, you really just don't want to see his face on Saturdays.

Suddenly he rolls himself over again, his lips drawing a devilish smile. You can tell already from the dangerous look in his eyes, it's not going to end well.

"Are you in for a bet ? If I win, you'll have to go. But if you win, I'll do whatever you want me to, for an entire week. You're basically the privileged one here, don't even deny it."

three.

Changbin wakes up from his long nap to find Chan having his eyes glued to the laptop's screen as if his life depends on it. It makes him wonder how long his friend has been working on the rearrangement of all their songs for this Saturday's music festival.

"I see that you're making quite the progress." He grunts slightly before sitting up straight. The small faux leather couch that their school has in the band practice room isn't exactly the most comfortable thing to sleep on. But after what seems like an eternity in the lecture hall, tolerating the professor's rant then Changbin wouldn't even mind sleeping on the floor.

Chan slowly peels his eyes away from the screen and blinks numerous times so that he won't potentially go blind. He looks over at Changbin's slouch figure on the couch, tapping away on his phone and smiles dumbly at some memes that Minho just DM-ed to their group chat.

"Damn right, I just finished chopping up the bits of back-up vocals. I feel like my back is so fragile that it might break in half if I stand up." He runs a hand through his mop of black hair that's nowhere near the definition of 'doable' and yawns into his other palm.

He peeks over his shoulder to see Hyunjin and Felix sleeping while leaning against the mirror, Minho laying on top of Jeongin as he chuckles creepily at his phone. And Woojin is too busy singing his heart out with his guitar in the corner to notice Seungmin capturing everyone in their greatest glory, meaning when they're all a hot mess.

Changbin swings his legs over and slips into his black Adidas slides, walking over to Chan in a sluggish manner. He crouches down a bit while squinting his eyes to take a proper look at the laptop screen. Chan indeed has finished most of it, no wonder he looks ( and probably smells ) like trash. "I'll give you a hand, just send these over to me after when you got home." He says, giving his friend a pat on his back.

"Yeah sure," Chan puts a hand over his mouth to cover up another yawn. "By the way, where the fuck is Jisung ? He hasn't been answering my texts all morning."

Changbin gives him an indifferent shrug. "He said he would be on campus all day on Thursdays since he has classes and work right after- hold on he's texting me."

[ 5:23pm ]

piece of shit : where are you guys ?

baby changbin : band room, clearly you never listened.

[ 5:24pm ]

piece of shit : yeesh, I was busy you ass. texting y/n and all.

baby changbin : it was fucking 3a.m. !

[ 5:25pm ]

piece of shit : whatever, we'll be there in two.

He pauses for a while and lets the words sink in. Why "we" and not "I" ? Since when this was a plural thing ? Did all of those lectures and serving sleep-deprived students fuck up his brain cells ?

Wow, now Changbin feels bold to assume that Han Jisung even own brain cells. And before he can show the texts to the rest of his friends to make fun of Jisung while he's not here, the glass door swings open. Hyunjin and Felix jolt up in surprise at the same time, almost bumping their heads together at the creaking sound.

"We got you kids boba, wake up wake up hurry hurry SCHNELL !" Jisung screeches loudly when he pushes himself through the front door, accidentally making you bump your forehead into the dull glass surface.

You follows him inside with a big scowl on your face, quickly passing Changbin the plastic bags. Yes, you can hear the polar bears crying in the distance loud and clear but unluckily you only have two hands for ten cups of boba.

"Why boba all of a sudden ?" Minho looks up from his phone in boredom as Jeongin is utterly dying underneath, slapping his palm repeatedly against the floor in exhaustion.

Minho feels ( kinda ) bad for him and decides to roll himself over, setting Jeongin free from his miserable state. "Did you two go on a date or something ?" The youngest one's features morph into a frown, eyeing the two up and down in caution when he crosses his legs together.

You make an unimpressed face and glares at Jisung, who's currently hogging the entire black couch on his own. "Who the fuck would make their date carry everything then ? You tell me Jeongin."

Woojin stands up after craning his neck and shakes his head in disapproval. "My greatest disappointment, Han Jisung, would do that unfortunately." He walks over to Felix and Hyunjin to get himself a cup from the bag.

"Let's be honest, you'd still date him even if he does that anyway. I haven never seen any other girl who has the courage to personally rummage through his disastrous closet just to steal a hoodie." He takes a sip and smirks at the black hoodie that you're wearing. Woojin thinks you should definitely give yourself more credit because personally, he can't be bothered to step into Jisung's room, much less his closet.

You're still slightly confused for a moment there but quickly look down and almost gasp in realization. "I can explain—"

"Don't worry Y/N, if he ever mistreats you, you best believe that he's not gonna see tomorrow's daylight." Felix supplies unhelpfully over a mouthful of boba. Since when did he become such a nuisance ? But he's not entirely wrong because if no one volunteers to skin Jisung alive when he leaves you with a broken heart then Hyunjin will literally disown him. He doesn't care if it's legal or not because even a law student like Woojin would be on his side in this.

You hold up your hand defeatedly. "The jerk purposely left it on my couch back at the apartment. And Hyunjin didn't want to return nor wash it so I was obligated to do that myself. Eventually, the hoodie just ended up on a hanger right behind my bedroom door. Not to mention, I was running late earlier and had nothing to wear." You finish your sentence, realizing that your roommate has been giving you a 'wtf' face all his time.

"Out of reasons already ?" Chan chirps, raising a dark brow.

Okay.

In your defense, it's a goddamn good hoodie. The material is actually really nice that you might accidentally fall asleep if you wear this to class. You didn't mind the design on it either, kinda boyish but very funky, almost hippie looking. And last but not least, the smell of it is intoxicating, leaving you yearning for more. That's also equivalent to Jisung smells nice ( ew ) and your cheeks automatically heat up at the thought of feeling like he's hugging you whenever you wear it.

You frantically try to explain with expressive hands. "Look, guys—"

"You're going this Saturday !!" Jisung's voice suddenly booms behind your back as he declares loudly like it's the most worth-knowing thing in the whole wide world. The guys trade confused look with each other, not knowing what nonsense their friend is babbling about. Whatever, they don't have to either way. "You're going, you're going, you're going !"

You look over at Hyunjin's cup in disbelief, completely full and untouched. Meanwhile, Felix has already finished his drink in between the 15-minute conversation. You blinks and quickly comprehends the new amount of information, you lost the bet. Which means...

Screw midterms.

four.

Screw the music festival, you’re not going anywhere.

“How’s this ?” Hyunjin steps out from his room with a white dress shirt tucked inside his skinny jeans. And you hate him even more now because your roommate looks totally #boyfriendmaterial in every outfit that he’s been trying for the past half an hour. Really, Hyunjin should give himself more credit for his looks because you bet girls would still throw themselves at him even if he showed up to school looking homeless and all.

You look up from your phone in boredom. “Looks good to me.”

Upon your flat reply, Hyunjin shoots you a glare. “Good ? It only stops there at ‘good’ ? Then which item in my closet appeals to you as ‘spectacular’ or ‘breathtaking’ ? Should I just hire a personal stylist or something ?” He wants to snap at you but ends up whining like a elementary school kid that’s not allowed to drink his favorite soda from the vending machine.

“Dude, eat a chill pill.” You frown slightly at his particularly dramatic ass ( tsk, drama majors ) and decide to put your phone down. “You’re going to a music festival, at uni. Not attending some kind of award shows for celebrities.”

Hyunjin snickers before clicking his tongue. “And you’re planning on wearing that ?”

Your roommate is stressing himself over being overdressed for an event. You, on the other hand, haven’t even made up your mind about an outfit yet and your plus-one is picking you up in less than 30 minutes. And you’re still here, on the couch, in your pyjamas. Call it madness but personally, you wouldn’t mind wearing this to the music festival. Music is technically art in some kind of shape or form and only uncultured swines judge those who prefer being comfy over fashionable.

Come on, it’s art. Your pyjamas can express yourself in some sort of way right ?

“Stop shitting on my Mickey Mouse sweatpants as if it’s something straight out of the 1910s.” You protest, urging to throw the jar filled with gummy bear on the coffee table at his precious face. Mickey is definitely not going anywhere since you guys have been bonding since middle school.

Hyunjin pauses in the middle of his track going back into his room. Suddenly he turns around and smiles at you creepily. “It’s Jisung, isn’t it ?”

Yeah, no. Most definitely not. Still not him. Nuh uh. Okay… Maybe it’s because you don’t want to embarrass your plus-one because he’s also a total heartthrob. Maybe, it could be something about the fact that you’re afraid you’re not gonna look as good as your roommate. Or maybe it’s something inside the can of Redbull that you downed last night while rewatching the last episode of ‘Goblin’. You don’t even like Redbull.

Shit, you’re running out of excuses already.

“Actually, I was thinking that it’d be better if I didn’t show up.” You confess timidly, scared to meet Hyunjin’s confused expression.

When you gather enough courage to look up, he looks absolutely unimpressed and partially disappointed. “And you’re just gonna rain-check on Choi Yeonjun like that ? Changbin’s not letting this slide, I’ll tell you that.” He shakes his head in disapproval, this time turning on his heels to walk towards his bedroom door.

Something inside your stomach is tickling, as if it’s trying to tell you that you’re about to commit some kind of unforgivable sin if you don’t go to the festival. And just when you’re about to ignore it and wrap yourself up warmly on the L-shaped couch like the lazy bum that you are, your phone buzzes.

[ 4:24pm ]

yeonjun | I’ll be there in five.

five.

Only losers go to a music festival without a plus-one.

Hyunjin is one lucky bastard because Seungmin is tolerating his ass for the day. Meanwhile, Woojin is too busy pestering Felix to let him sneak into backstage looking for Changbin. And by now, everyone probably knows that Minho is secretly obsessed with Jeongin since he's decided to stick himself to the youngest like the spoiled parasite that he is. But that's not the point. Point is : you're terrible at navigation so you're obligated to get yourself a plus-one.

And he just happens to be Choi Yeonjun, that one business major who's secretly a dancer that left everyone's wig flying to Africa during last year's prom. You two have walked past each other before between periods and since he's an acquaintance of Changbin, he'd always wave back at you with the sweetest smile. You see him as a fun person to be around, kinda like a sunshine.

But what you didn't know is that, if your group of friend's chaotic energy is 3000, then Yeonjun alone is already on another level.

"Why the long face Y/N ? Enjoy the music, relax, let the night set you free !" Yeonjun chuckles at the frown on your face as he swings an arm over your shoulder. You can already tell that he's getting a bit tipsy from his tinted red cheeks and his breath smells like beer. Never knew the guy couldn't go heavy with his alcohol. Much like your roommate himself.

You peel the red plastic cup away from his hand to abandon it on some random table, dragging him away from the bar before his friend - Beomgyu, offers him some kind of sketchy looking drink. The kid is only a freshman and you feel like you should strangle the person who permitted him to be the bartender for the night.

"Alright, that's enough beer for you." You tell him mild-seriously, partially because you don't want him to end up knocked out in the middle of nowhere and partially because you can't contain someone who's drunk, not even yourself. "Let's find Soobin, I bet he's running around campus looking for your ass."

"What do you mean he's looking for my ass ? He's at home playing stupid boardgames with stupid Taehyun." Yeonjun slurs, shaking the haziness away furiously before fluttering his eyes upwards. "Look !" He squeals a little bit too loudly for anyone's liking. "It's your boyfriend !"

You abruptly put your index finger on his lips. "Shh shhh ! Han Jisung is not my boyfriend ! Watch your mouth, please, I beg." You hush him and glance around to look for any signs of Hyunjin or Felix popping out from a random bush to make fun of you. "We're barely friends, why would you think that we're dating ?!" You cry dramatically, cheeks burning with a bright shade of pink.

The blue haired boy makes a thinking face, which you think it's undeniably cute, before pointing towards the stage. "Because he's looking at you ?" He says cluelessly, giggling while clapping happily like a seal.

You unconsciously lift your head to eye the stage. Time seems to stop when you realize Jisung has been staring at you all this time. His expression is unfathomable. Your heart starts thundering loudly inside your rib cage, so loud that it overcomes the loud EDM music in the background, so loud that you're afraid he might hear it even when he's so far away.

In this light, in the middle of your chaos, there is Jisung. And he's absolutely otherworldly, radiant, dazzling, coruscating. Gosh, you can go on forever if your brain cells allow you to.

The moment he breaks eye contact, that's when you're pondering over who is it that your heart is beating for. Han Jisung ? Or is it just J.One ? Because you've seen Jisung as a total pest who never takes things seriously, who always makes you pay an extra ticket for his ride to uni, who spontaneously sends you derp pictures of him in the middle of a lecture. But no matter where you go, he would constantly pop up inside your mind out of nowhere. Like a phantom.

Suddenly, Chan's voice booms through the speaker, making you jump. "The performance of 3racha will be delayed due to technical errors. We apologize for this inconvenience." You stand there dumbly, blinking numerous times for his words to sink in. The question here isn't really 'what?' but 'why?'. 3racha take music very seriously and they're not the type to slack off any performances even if it's just for a school's small event.

You snap your head back to the stage, Chan and Changbin are talking to a technical staff, an apologetic smile blooming on their faces. But wait, where the fuck is Jisung ?

"Told ya !" Yeonjun hiccups into your ear. "What kind of non-boyfriend will cancel a performance just to come and see you like this ?" You should have gone with Hyunjin, you really should.. You bet he's not even half as drunk a Yeonjun right now since all Seungmin drinks is kombucha.

Unexpectedly, and also expectedly, you find yourself staring at Jisung, who's speed-walking towards your direction, like a complete dumbass. There's fire flickering at the back of his irises, burning intensely onto you. His brows are knitted together, his jacket hanging slightly over his shoulder, teasing you with a flash of his biceps. You also notice how the microphone is still there, in his hand.

Did he fucking leave the stage just to see you ?

Jisung breathes out a puff of smoke from the chilly air. "Y/N, got you."

Your heart actually feels like it’s hanging on the edges when your name rolls off his tongue so tenderly. "And you are ?" He looks over at Yeonjun with an almost disgusted expression, his hand instinctively reaching for yours. You don't blame him either way because Yeonjun looks like he just made it out of one of the world's most traumatizing lunatic asylum with shitty security. And Jisung wouldn't let you walk around with a crazy guy attached to you like a total creep. Not when he's monitoring.

“Y/N’s plus-one ?”

“Well that makes two of us.”

Yeonjun holds his hands up as if he's being held at gunpoint. "Easy, dude, I'm leaving. I'm leaving. She's all yours." He laughs, sounding almost too nervous to be true because Jisung is somewhat scary whenever someone gets on his bad side. Just ask Highschool Hyunjin.

"You're wasted as fuck, what makes you think that I'll let you go home alone like this ?" You say, flinching slightly when you feel Jisung tightens his grip on your hand. He cocks a brow as if he's testing you.

"Nah, I'm not going anywhere. Just gonna swing by the bar, Beomgyu probably came up with something to knock me out." Without a proper goodbye nor a hug like his normally playful self usually does, the blue haired boy turns on his heels to walk away from the scene. And you exhale deeply out of relief, not because you hated Yeonjun's company, you might actually hang out with him again. Just not where there's alcohol.

Jisung still hasn't let go of your hand yet, and surprisingly, you don't want him to. "I take that as you two aren't dating ?" He questions, studying your features more closely. You're really pretty, he thinks. Jisung has never once hesitant about using the word 'pretty' for you and he's not afraid to show it either. It's just that you never bothered to notice.

"No ? Hyunjin decided to ditch me for Seungmin and Yeonjun's a mutual friend through Changbin so we texted, and he picked me up after when Hyunjin left." You give him a weird look, confused by how pissed off he looks right now. "And I take that as you're jealous ?"

Jisung laughs humorously, his voice doused in dry sarcasm. "Huh, funny. Last time I checked, you were supposed to be backstage with me since you lost the bet, not clinging yourself onto some hot guy from Changbin's Biochem 101." Of course Jisung is pissed off. How could he not when you're all smiling and laughing with another guy, when he has an arm over your shoulder, holding you so lovingly, so tightly ? Another guy that's not him.

You widen your eyes at how ridiculous he sounds, almost in disbelief. "Excuse you ? Since when 'being backstage with you' was even a thing in our bet ?" Yeah, completely unheard of. "And I was not clinging onto him, I'll have you know that he chugged on a bottle of Hennie and ended up wobbling around like a fucking toddler !"

Your voice is getting louder and louder by the second, chest heaving up and down in anger because he is in fact, being extra insufferable tonight. You haven’t seen him acting like this since he officially declared cold war with Hyunjin back in junior year highschool.

"Oh yeah ? Then what ? You liked that ? It makes me sick to the stomach seeing you giggling at one of his stupid jokes. You seemed so fucking comfortable even when he's this close ?" Jisung tugs in your arm to pull you closer, his cool breath fanning your forehead. Your cheeks unknowingly feel hot, but you're not going to admit it to his face. "You're completely okay with this ?"

You grimace a stiff smile. "Of course I am." Oh boy were you wrong.

"Even now ?" He places his hands over your shoulder to bend down, angling his face so that the tip of his nose is brushing over yours. His gaze pierces right through you, leaving you completely stripped and vulnerable. And you hate every single part of this. You hate how you heart is swelling, how his touches burn like fire, how much effect he has on you with such minimal effort.

Jisung says with a devilish smirk blooming on his lips. "Hmm ? I don't know Y/N, you look pretty burnt up to me."

"It's because of the heat—" You instantly regret what you said when it starts to rain. Droplets of water repeatedly tap against your skin like clear champagne. A cloud shadows over you two and another splatter of rain comes along. Goosebumps rise on your skin at the cool sensation as your limbs lock themselves in place. Jisung has never broken eye contact with yours since then, specks of good and silver floating in his eyes like a brilliant explosion of a supernova.

Just when you thought your lips was gonna collide, something unexpected happens. Jisung takes off his jacket and swings it over your shoulders. He gently holds you by the waist as he hurries you inside, your gaze never once leaves his features. He's saying something but you can't quite catch it, it's hard to concentrate when he's being all affectionate and sweet to you like this.

You are far too busy telling your heart not to explode.

six.

Felix stomps over to your table and slams his tray of food down aggressively. Everyone peels their eyes off what they’re doing for the time being, throwing a weird look towards him. With a satisfied smile on his face, Felix drops his notebook onto the table. Changbin glances at him with an expressionless face, almost yawned in boredom. “And how did it go again ?” He drawls tiredly as if he has heard the same joke over and over for an entire week.

“You know that feeling when you feel like you’re completely detached from your own body and just stare at yourself from above ? I was up there, mind blank while my mouth couldn’t stop blabbering about what ever the fuck was on those slides. I ditched my Flashcards, completely untouched, 5 minutes has never flown by so quick. Boom, the professor didn’t even think twice about giving me an A.” Felix leans back on his chair comfortably after wrapping up his story.

Seungmin scrunches his nose at his friend. “Yeah sure, it’s an A. Big fucking deal.” Kim Seungmin basically has a full scholarship straight to college in the middle of his senior highschool year, you can say that he has the right to be unimpressed.

Minho shrugs indifferently, scrolling through his feed to kill some time. “It is for Yongbok apparently, give him a break. You know he hardly gets any when his brain only consists of Seo Changbin and Fortnite.”

Felix hisses at the older boy like a cat when you accidentally step on its tail, threatening to gouge out one of his eyes with the plastic fork on his hand. Minho being on his ass 24/7 just makes college that much more of a hellhole. He can’t help but roll his eyes in annoyance because no one is even trying to spare a ‘Good job’ or ‘Good for you’. He might actually need new friends, Felix ponders.

But wait, something’s missing.

Jisung didn’t even try to make fun of him. And he never missed a single chance to pester him or call him out every time he’s all giddy over good grades. In other words, his secret life as a potential nerd has been foiled thanks to Han Jisung. But apparently, girls find it hot when a nerd is secretly a dancer.

He looks over to his friend and frowns furiously. A hood thrown over his head, eyes glued to his laptop screen, Jisung looks extra antisocial today and Felix can feel something’s off because he would be jumping around, yelling into your ears by now, not making a PowerPoint presentation. “What’s wrong with you two ?” He asks, noticing how you’re also acting strange.

You’re mindlessly scrolling through Twitter, and stop abruptly at a new post from @j.one. It’s a picture of Jisung grinning while gripping on a microphone followed by a caption “Always have so much fun performing w/ my bros, @spearB & @cb97 - photo by @princehwang #SocialSaturday”.

You almost snickered, feeling the need to change it into “#TBT”. Not only because this photo was taken months ago for a summer music festival nearby Uni, but also because this bright side of Han Jisung no longer exists. He hardly talked to you since Saturday, ignored you when you made eye-contact with him on the hallways, didn’t even ask you to pay for his ride.

Basically, he’s making a fuss out of nothing. But you wouldn’t say that it feels good not having him call you ‘little cub’ 50 times a day or send you random messages during a lecture like ‘go out with me ?’. You never take them seriously anyway because he can’t like you just like that, right ? “Ask him, not me.” You raise a brow towards Jisung, earning a glare from him as a reply. “I’m not the one who’s being petty over me going to a music festival with Choi Yeonjun.”

Jisung sighs dramatically and shuts his laptop close. “Is that all you got ?” He inquires sarcastically as if he’s gonna set you on fire if you dare to try him.

“That’s what I said the first time we played Mario Kart together, isn’t it ? I totally kicked your ass, to the curb.”  You protest as the blood running through your veins slowly boils. If it weren’t for Hyunjin to hold your shoulders in place, you would have thrown hands at Jisung.

Jisung slams his hands onto the surface of the table harshly, almost knocked the whole table over. “Yeah, that’s why Chan never lets you drive because you’re exactly the reason for all of our wild turbulence. Because you suck at driving !”

You feel like you’re being held in a chokehold, literally and metaphorically because you can’t even drag Jisung down to the very bottom of Hell when you’re fully capable of doing that. Not before you kill him with your bare hands.

“I mean one of us had to have the guts to drive everyone back after a party where y’all got fucking wasted. College parties are so lit, they say. Who the fuck does three keg stands in a row just to run around the neighborhood shirtless later on ?!” You clatter loudly, earning a ‘wtf’ look from the students at the opposite table.

“Who wants another milkshake ? It’s on me.” Woojin interrupts the two of you, already pulling out his wallet in a rush.

Jisung’s ears automatically turn red, and you smirk at the sight of his pink cheeks upon both embarrassment and anger. “What did you just say ?”

“Ten milkshakes it is.” Chan drags Woojin out of his seat and the two of them helplessly walk towards the canteen cashier from across your table. He’s already given up, you can tell. Because if not, he would just personally hang Jisung upside down on a tree ( his natural habitat ) so that he can cool down before he said something he’d definitely regret later.

You push Hyunjin away and stand up right, staring at Jisung dead in the eye. “What’s wrong ? Cat got your tongue ?” Are you finally getting back at him ? Is this how victory taste like ?

“Say that again and I’m gonna— ugh ! Christ, I hate you !” Jisung sounds like he’s on the verge of exploding and you’re absolutely enjoying every single moment of this.

You mock him in amusement. “You’re gonna what ?”

“I’m gonna fucking kiss—“

Before Jisung could finish his sentence, Minho pulls his friend backwards and Jisung once again lands on his bottom, onto the wooden bench. “Okay, I don’t wanna ruin the heat but at least spare some of your sanity for the sake of publicity, yeah ? You know, if you guys wanna make out that bad, there’s always a restroom.”

Sanity ? For the sake of publicity ? Well, that changes everything. “WE’RE NOT GONNA MAKE OUT LEE MINHO YOU FUCKING BASTARD ! DON’T MAKE ME KNOCK KNOCK UPSIDE YOUR HEAD, YOU FILTHY PIECE OF SH-“ You’ve come to a decision that if Han Jisung doesn’t end up somewhere six feet under the ground, then Lee Minho - aka his best friend - is taking his bullet for today.

“Woah woah, Y/N, easy girl, easy.” Hyunjin holds you back with both hands. Okay, he gets why Jeongin doesn’t want to come over whenever you and Jisung are breathing in the same room now.

Jeongin scrunches his nose as he obnoxiously chews on his tuna sandwich. “Yeah, you guys need to cool down a little bit. You know, just chill out. That’s enough for your ‘friendly banter’, let the others enjoy their lunch in peace, will you ?”

You and Jisung continuously give each other death stares for the rest of your lunch break. Even when Chan and Woojin come rushing back with five cups of milkshakes each, even when it’s your favorite flavor in the entire world, it can never put out the fire of wrath that’s burning furiously deep inside. All you want to do is to have Han Jisung down on his knees and beg you for his life like how King Stefan did to Maleficent. The only difference is that Jisung actually doesn’t have a daughter.

Is that too much to ask for ?

seven.

[ 2:35pm ]

yeonjun | hey, I need to talk to you…

yeonjun | nearby café after school ? I can just wait if you’re getting out late.

You read the message on your way out of the lecture hall and widen your eyes. The hour displayed on your screen reads ‘3:45pm’. You immediately push your way through the crowd of sweaty students and run down the hallway like a psychopath. God, Yeonjun has been sitting alone at the café like a complete fool just because of you. Now you feel like a terrible human being.

“Woah, where are you going in such a hurry ?” Hyunjin yells at you loudly when you brush past him and Jeongin.

You hastily shout back at him before continuing to run. “Don’t wait for me ! Just spare me some left over !”

When you arrive at the café, you feel like you should give yourself a pat on the shoulder because you don't think you’ve ever run that fast before in your entire life. Not even for the marathon competitions during middle school.

And the café looks somewhat different today, something smells weird too, you notice. Then you realize that they just repainted the whole thing, replacing the old teal blue color into a warmer brownish color. The walls and windows are decorated with fairy lights, like a cherry on a sundae, it’s perfect for the upcoming winter break. Because students aren’t just gonna come here for the caffeine, they’re gonna hog this place for themselves sooner or later to get at least one aesthetic photo for the holiday.

You quickly spot Yeonjun sitting alone in the color while having his headphones on, slowly dozing off to the music. His cup of iced macchiato remains untouched with water dipping on the sides. A pang of guilt hits you almost instantly when you start walking towards his direction. As you sit down on the opposite seat, Yeonjun suddenly startles and shakes his sleepiness away.

“Hey, I’m so sorry, my phone was off all day.” You say with an apologetic smile on your face, feeling the guilt keeps piling onto your shoulders. “You could just leave or something, I wouldn’t be mad.”

Yeonjun removes his headphones and laughs slightly, scratching the nape of his neck. “It’s fine,” He waves his hands at you to tell you that everything’s okay. “I really need that short nap after all. God, I was dreading my neuroscience assignment all day. But hey, I really need to talk to you, that’s why I was so determined to wait.”

“Don’t even, Yeonjun. You could have just gone home and rest.” You shake your head at him in defeat. You swear to God, he’s too kind. “What’s so important that you wanted to talk to me so badly ?” You ask while flipping through the menu. The weather has been pretty chilly lately, it might be nice to have a hot chocolate.

Yeonjun’s ears turn red at your words and he starts to dart his eyes around, scared to meet your eyes. “I— uhm, look, I just—“ He stammers with tinted pink cheeks, which you find ridiculously adorable. “I just wanted to say sorry for what happened on Saturday.” He manages to squeak out and you have to hold back the urge to laugh. “I shouldn't have drunk that much beer, right ? You should feel lucky that I left you with your boyfriend because I may or may not have thrown up all over Beomgyu. He almost kicked me off a cliff, I’m not overexaggerating, I swear.”

That’s not true. Yeonjun should be the one who needs to feel lucky because not only didn’t Beomgyu leave him on some random sidewalks, he personally called Taehyun to bring him extra clothes and had an Uber to get them three back home before midnight. He knows Beomgyu is too utterly soft for him to murder him in his sleep anyway.

You smile at him before waving the waiter boy over to punch in your order. “Choi Yeonjun, it’s fine, really. You’re so much fun to hang around. But next time, no more beer for you, get it ?” Upon your teasing, he lets out a nervous chuckle. And little did you know, he’s planning on telling you something much, much more horrendous. “And how many times do I need to tell you that Jisung is not my boyfriend ?”

“Just not yet.” He corrects you, and you’re stuck between the ideas of strangling Han Jisung and throwing Choi Yeonjun off a cliff. Or maybe both. “You guys caused quite the scene during lunch break. You two bickered like an old married couple. Not to mention, you’ve probably ended up on everyone’s social medial by now.”

Your eyes widen in terror. A tape of you, and Han Jisung yelling at each other at the top of your lungs is on the Internet. Since a young age, you’ve come to realize that nothing on the internet ever really goes away. And that thought scares you shitless. Great, now everyone will think of you two as that one loud couple who always argue over stupid things. “I’m so fucking screwed— give me a sec, someone’s texting me.”

[ 4:12 pm ]

han | where are you ?

y/n | why would that matter ?

han | you’re on a date right ? with him.

y/n | han jisung are you watching me ? wtf you creep !?

[ 4:13pm ]

han | do you like him ?

han | just answer me honestly for once.

y/n | so you ARE jealous. hah, busted.

But wait, why would he be jealous ? That makes no sense.

[ 4:14pm ]

han | so what if i’m jealous ?

Your heart stops as a small ‘huh?’ escapes your lips. Yeonjun looks at you with a confused expression, almost develops a mild interest in what made you so flustered. But he guessed it either way because it’s too obvious who’s the only person that has this kind of effect on you.

han | i was the one who asked you out first, it’s not fair !

y/n | ...

y/n | hey, are you drunk ?

[ 4:15pm ]

han | i’m as sober as i can be, enjoy your pretty little date y/n.

When everything’s already a mess, when you’re at a loss for words, Hyunjin’s abrupt call is something else more than just fuel to the fire. “Y/N ! Have you seen Jisung ?” Your roommate sounds alarmed on the other end and your stomach automatically twists into a knot.

“No, I haven’t seen him since lunch… why ?” The uneasy feeling has been ghosting your gut since you received the questionable texts from Jisung, and you’re afraid to hear what Hyunjin’s gonna say next. “What’s wrong ? What happened to him ?” You bombard him with questions after questions, fiddling your fingers nervously in fear.

Yeonjun quickly senses something’s off and reaches his hand outwards. He places his hand over yours gently, rubbing little circles to remind you to calm down. There are a thousand bad scenarios running through your mind like lightning of what could have happened to Jisung. What if he’s about to do something stupid ? What if he’s hurting, and no one ever asked ? What if… it’s all because of you ?

“Hyunjin, just fucking answer me !” You almost snapped, finding the silence on the other line extremely disturbing.

He replies breathlessly, as if he’s already given up. “He’s gone.”

“What do you mean he’s gone ?” You can’t believe your own ears at this point.

Hyunjin sounds like he’s about to have a mental breakdown. “Changbin said he hadn’t been home when his shift was supposed to end at 3. Chan said he wasn’t on campus either, nor the band room. We’ve checked everywhere, not his house, not the usual boba place, not even his favorite get-away spots. He ran away, Y/N, no one knows why. And I’m scared..” Your heart instantly drops to the pit of your stomach.

Not even his favorite get-away spots.. We’ve checked everywhere.

But Jisung would never tell them about all of his get-away spots.

eight.

Jisung unlocks his phone and sees several missed calls from his group of friends along with endless texts but his eyes only linger on some particular ones.

[ 7:23pm ]

y/n | can we just talk this out ?

y/n | this is so fucking childish of you.

y/n | I don’t care if you want to kick me out of your life.

y/n | I’m coming for you.

Jisung doesn’t know whether he should be crying or laughing. Basically, he’s emotionally restrained.

Because apparently, life is preposterous. One moment you’re laughing while being pissed off when he annoys the heck out of you. Then later you would ditch him to have yourself wrapped around another guy’s arms. Hours ago, you were on the edge of pushing his limits into the unknown and now you’re being all concerned and worried about him. He feels mildly exasperated partially because you’re playing with his heart, and partially because he allows you to do that.

He has been watching you from behind all this time. He always has so much on his mind that keeps him awake at nights but never really knows how to convey his feelings for you into words. Maybe that’s why J.One can only write love songs in vain. So being the genius person that he is, he thought ( and still think ) that the only way to approach you was to make fun of you. He can only call you questionable nicknames all day because he doesn’t have the heart to actually call you ‘babe’ in a genuine way. He would always end up spitting out something less than appropriate or stick his nose into your business because he can never fathom the courage to say a simple ‘I love you’. Yes, Jisung knows that he’s a coward for making such excuses but the thought of putting his heart into someone else’s hand scares him shitless. Not that he has never gone through a heartbreak before but the scars never really go away.

Honestly, Jisung has never thought that he would end up liking you this much. He still vividly remembers the day that you two met for the first time. It was freshman year highschool, he got signed up for a role in the drama club at the time being thanks to Hyunjin and suddenly he saw you sitting alone in a corner, struggling over a piece of prop for the set. 

Even when it’s the awkward phase, you took his breath right away like ‘whoosh’, leaving him utterly speechless when your eyes collide.  From then on, you’re the ‘nothing’ that people ask him about whenever he looks like he’s spacing out. You’re the only thing that keeps lingering in his mind, impossible to forget. He finally understands why people are always so giddy about their crush because once you like someone, everything changes. Like how your smile seems to be even brighter than the Sun, how your goofy laugh feels like music to his ears, or how every little thing that you do affects him way too damn much. Woah, he understands why his group of friends said that he’s so whipped for you now.

Jisung doesn’t know what to think or what to feel anymore. He really doesn’t. He hates how you keep switching between ‘the Y/N who hates Jisung with passion’ and ‘the Y/N who genuinely worries about Jisung’. It drives him nuts not knowing how you really feel about him. Jisung swipes his index finger upwards and presses the ‘Airplane Mode’ button from the Control Center settings. He can’t afford having Chan or Minho screaming directly at his ears after when he ran away like that. Maybe he is childish after all.

“Han Jisung !”

Jisung snaps his head backwards to find you standing there, disheveled hair, hands supporting on your knees with a glint of fierceness in your eyes. With the dim source of light from the Moon, you’re glowing under all of the sentimental glory that leaves him completely flustered. He’s really predictable, he thinks. Of course you’d know that he would end up choosing the park where he used to hang out with Seungmin since kindergarten. It’s also where he bawled his eyes out after his first breakup, having you rub little circles on his back and tell him that everything’s gonna be alright.

“What are you doing here ?” He asks soullessly although his heart his yelling at him to fall into your embrace.

“I told you, didn’t I ?” You say, breaths growing more even by the seconds. “I’m coming for you, I don’t care if you’re gonna kick me out of your life because I’m not allowing that.”

Jisung snickers, clicking his tongue in annoyance. “You rain-checked on Choi Yeonjun just like that ? Aren’t you afraid that he’s gonna break up with you tomorrow after finding you that you’re rummaging through the entire city to look for me, an absolute bastard who never leaves well enough alone ?”

You shoot him a stern look, brows slightly furrowed. “You didn’t let me finish, how rude. I’m trying to prove a point, don’t you see ? If I really didn’t give two fucks about you then why would I be here ? If I was really dating Choi Yeonjun then I could have just stayed at home and cuddled with him until Hyunjin kicked him out of our apartment. It’s been almost three hours, Jisung. Three fucking hours. I was running from place to place like a psychopath, got lost on some random streets, just to find you. Yes, just for you.”

He squints his eyes at you skeptically. “And your point is ?”

“I care about you.” You don’t even need to consider anything at this point and that has Jisung’s jaw dropped to the ground. “I could never hate you, even if I do, I can’t hate you for the rest of my life for my own good. Even when you call me ‘little cub’ fifty times a day, even when you make me pay for your ride, even when we almost threw hands at each other during lunch break, my feelings for you never change. Not even one bit.” You state confidently, taking long strides towards him.

Jisung looks at you with a blank expression, his lips pressed into a thin line. “I don’t know Y/N. You’re a fucking hot mess. For all I know, you second-guessed most of your decisions in life. What if you decided to pull—“ That’s it, you’re not enduring his ‘what if’-s bullshit any longer.

Without a word, you grab Jisung by the collar and pull him flush against you. When your lips collide with his, it feels like you’re being sent to the Moon and back continuously. Sparks of joy, lust, and mixed emotions ignite inside his heart when you trace your tongue over his then it explodes like a firework that lights up the eerie darkness effortlessly. Jisung slowly gives in and melts into the kiss, his hands snaking around your waist to hold you closer, feeling your warmth radiating off on his flannels. You’re the first one to pull away, hands trailing behind the nape of his neck.  “I can say that giving away my first kiss is enough to prove that the only thing I’ve never second-guessed was liking you.” You say breathlessly, trying to ignore the rouge on your cheeks. 

“I am your first kiss ?” He widens his eyes slightly.

You scoff at him while trying to act casual. “Be grateful at least you brat.” Jisung chuckles softly at you, slightly taken aback at your bold action as the feeling of your lips on his chills him to the bones. “Point taken.” At that moment, you quickly realize how his warm brown eyes hold their own galaxy with the stars shining so brightly that makes your heart swell. At that moment, you also realize that Jisung is your Sun because his smile alone can light up the whole celestial sphere. Meanwhile you’re his Moon because no matter what happens, you’ll always be here to brighten him up on the darkest of days.

And you both know that as long as you have each other, you will forever be radiant.

[runfast-runfar]

Quarantine Days

9/3/20

✨Hey guys! So I have yet to actually get a decent nights sleep in weeeeks lol, but I haven’t gotten out of bed before 9am either bc I’m so tired in the morning still AND my new bedding is insanely comfy and soft and cool (as in temp wise!) I love it so much!!

✨After I (finally) got out of bed I walked downtown and picked up my pumpkin latte because I’m ~basic~ 🎃 and then did homework for an hour before realizing I was getting nothing done really and gave up lmao

✨So I got out my planner and planned my day, and wrote out the assignments that need to get done this weekend. Not too much but also, don’t want to be doing it all on Sunday night after work!!

✨On top of that reason, the new tony hawk pro skater game comes out tomorrow and I KNOW I will be playing that a lot too... so gotta prioritize getting stuff done each day not just playing 6 hours of Tony Hawk each day 😅

✨I got thea a new litter box the other day and she’s decided it’s a house.... so I haven’t had the heart to take it away from her yet lol

✨After getting no homework done, and instead watching Brie Larsons YouTube channel, playing animal crossings, and word scramble, for the past 5 hours (oops) I went on a run at 2:50 and ran 3.5 miles to Finley’s to walk her! Currently laying on the floor at her place chilling with her and then going to run back home :)

✨No real plans for the rest of the day. Going to start rewatching Video Game High School later bc I’m lame haha, and then probably go to bed early bc I’m exhausted. Then tomorrow I have to actually get started on getting this homework done (in between playing Tony Hawk obv hehe)

✨Hope you’re all doing well! Happy almost long weekend!!

[saibh29]

The Truth in the Past (part 4)

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader

Warning: Swearing, Murder, Angst

AN: Still not getting better….. well maybe a little.....

You’ve covered for your sister all your life to such an extent you don’t know anymore where she ends and you begin, or how to even stop a relationship that’s now more toxic than good.

PART ONE   PART TWO PART THREE 

*****

You woke up with a crick in your neck and the feeling that you hadn’t really ever even been to sleep. It was like waking up with a hangover but you hadn’t even had the fun of the evening before to reminisce about. Cracking an eye open you found your sister sat on the floor in front of you, she didn’t look like she’d slept much either. She was leaning against the coffee table with her body angled towards the window. 2 cups of what smelt like caffeine in her hands.

“Here” she handed you over a cup of coffee, keeping the other for herself. “You look about as good as I presume I do”

“Always such a cheery person to wake up to Y/S/N”

“Yeah well, you might not have to put up with me much longer, if I'm in prison for murder after all”

“Way to bring the mood down Sis” you flopped back into the sofa cushions letting your head drop back as well, on top of your shitty nights sleep you thought you were also getting a migraine.

Hammering on the door snapped both of you out of your separate dazes. “The cops? This early” your sister asked.

“No” you checked your watch; it was only just past 6am. “Cops don’t start till 9am at least”

“Well, better see who it is then” Y/S/N got to her feet and headed over towards the door.

You closed your eyes again, yes, your sister had just been being sarcastic, saying she may soon be in prison so you wouldn’t have to deal with her. The reality of the matter was though that you were going to have to try and make a city full of prejudiced people believe that the stripper wasn’t the bad guy but instead had simply been trying to help.

It wasn’t going to be easy.

“Y/N”

“What? Who was it?”

“Y/N” that wasn’t your sisters voice, flinching you jumped to your feet, Jay Halstead was stood in your living room. In all the months you’d been sleeping together he had never once been to your place. You’d always been to his apartment. That was the rule, having him here in your space was making you feel like you might throw up any minute now.

He was one more person who looked like he hadn’t slept last night.

“Jay… Detective Halstead. What are you doing here? How are you here?”

“I'm going to go shower” Y/S/N said from behind Jay, leaving before you could order her to stay right there and save you from the horror of this coming conversation.

“Your sister, she wrote her address down on the intake form. I guessed it might be the same as yours”

“Explains how, not why”

“Y/N, come on. You can’t pretend to simply not know me”

“Why not?” you hissed crossing your arms over your chest. “I don’t know you all that well after all. Apart from screwing each other we haven’t exactly done a lot of talking”

Jay was the one to flinch this time, like your words had had a physical effect on him. He gathered himself back though. “Y/N” Jay took a step towards you and you took a step backwards. “We have to talk”

“I don’t think we do Jay” you crossed your arms over your chest “Anything you have to say to me needs to go through the firm”

Jay’s eyes narrowed at you. “Really? You’re going to pull the whole lawyer card and just ignore the fact that this whole situation is entirely fucked up from a legal stand point anyway!” he was shouting at the end of that speech. You’d actually never heard Jay shout before, never really heard him get angry full stop.

“Then we better not make it anymore fucked up than it is” your own voice was raising “Jesus Jay, you can’t be here. You can’t be in the home of a murder suspect”

“She isn’t a suspect yet, no one has charged her with anything”

“Yet being the key word there, you can’t try and tell me that Voight hasn’t already made up his mind about Y/S/N”

“I…” he trailed off because really what could he say. “fuck” rubbing at the stubble on his chin he started to pace over your hardwood floors. “no one has decided whether she is going to be charged or not. She may not”

“Come on Jay, don’t be an idiot”

“Y/N”

“As if they aren’t going to charge the stripper they found crouched over a body with blood all over her”

“Well since she won’t tell us why she was there in the first place”

“She works there, genius. Where else was she going to be?”

Somehow the two of you had ended up stood directly in front of each other, practically shouting into each other’s face. You were breathing hard and from the look of Jay he was seconds away from bursting a blood vessel in his forehead.

“God” you took a step back away from Jay actually turning your back on him completely for a minute. Taking a deep breath. “You really need to leave Jay”

His hands come down to your shoulders and his chest was suddenly pressed up against your back. “Don’t shut me out Y/N. There is a way for us to do this together. We can find a way”

“Why?” you weren’t turning to look at him but still weren’t strong enough to move away from him completely. “Why would you do that Jay?”

“Have you honestly not figured that out yet?”

You really did not need Jay to say what you thought he was getting at right now. It wouldn’t help either of you. “Don’t” you whispered. “Please don’t Jay”

“Why not?”

You found the strength to pull away from him. “Because it can’t help us right now”

“What if it could?”

That stopped you “what?”

“What if us being together could help you, could help your sister?”

“It’s too early for riddles Jay”

He reached for you again and somewhat reluctantly you let him take your hand and pull you back into his body, with his arms wrapping around your waist. You couldn’t help relaxing into him, as much as you might complain and try and avoid him it was hard to deny your bodies instinctive response to him.

“I have a plan”

****

@lifesaclimb-buttheviewisgreat​  @lclb13 @moli1497​   @clementines-x​ @the-chosen-one-time-lord​​ @no-other-names-availible-blog​ @angelaiswriting​ @selldraug​ @angryares​ @thenovarose​ @georgiagrl1990​ @mindofthescattered​  @dontstopxx​ @iamabeautifulperson18​ @madelinecraig03​ @ka-x-in​ @mesmericbell​  @weirdpotato-14​ @putinontheritzz​ @soulslaststand​ @fuckthatfeeling​  @ember1201​ @morganlb23​ @tomhopperarms​  @fakingintrest​ @artprincessbree​  @dreamer-lover-laughter​ @artprincessbree​ @rime-warrior​​ @captainvaneswife​ @kapolisradomthoughts​ @thingsandstuffienjoy​ @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked​ @aya-fay​  @itsbubbaog​ @hp-hogwartsexpress​ @emmykinzs​ @thatbadassunicorn​ @sassywingednightmare​ @weirdnewbie​ @goyawriter​ @shipperfangirling​ @nathaliabakes​ @stillreadingfantasy @waywardblueshun @give-jack-a-lightsaber @shipatheart​ @itsdesiree86​ 

[rosesfromcth]

let’s talk about mornings with bestfriend/roommate cal! both of you sitting on the couch half awake with bed head and puffy eyes and you’re watching cartoons and drinking coffee and like ugh just being soft with him and being best friends ?? and I DONT KNOW WHERE I WAS GOING WITH THIS

Picturing soft, messy haired Cal. Super cuddly, super puppy dog eyed, just melt my heart. I want a lazy morning with Calum. I had originally planned that this wasn’t going anywhere romantic,,, but uh,,, it did. I ain;t even mad about it. I hope you like it.I am sorry it took me so long get this done because I aint shit. really though I wrote like half of it, steppe away and then when I came back I couldn’t remember where I was going or how I was gonna get there and It took so long to get my mojo back so uh. anywhore

 “Y/N!” You’re woken by your best friend’s loud voice which you ignore. He is standing over you, blocking all sunlight from your window. You open one eyelid, halfway and look at him before turning on your other side.

“G’away,” You mumble. That is when he chose to start poking you. Not an unusual occurrence in your two bedroom apartment you share with the dark haired boy. It was enough to let you know it would be one of those mornings for Calum.

‘C’mon, Y/N! It’s 9am! Get up, get up, get up!” The tall boy flops down on the bed next to you which forces you to move so there’s room for his large body.

Maybe it wasn’t one of those mornings. His poking had stopped. You jinxed it, though, by thinking that. When you didn’t make anymoves to get up out of your nice, warm and loving bed, Calum tackled you. He literally flipped from his back to his stomach, landing on top of your sleepy body.

“Get off, fatty.” You tell him. His hands found the sides of your stomach and did the tasering thing that all ten year olds do. You let out an involuntary squeal. The squeal turns into fits of laughter. It isn’t that you aren’t annoyed. Because you are, all you want is to sleep in past ten on a Saturday. You don’t think that’s too much to ask. But it’s hard to resist laughing as he tickled your stomach. You tried to push him off, but one, he’s too heavy and three, he is a lot stronger than you especially when you’re so ticklish.

Finally, he grew tired of the game, but instead of rolling off of you, he just settles himself down on your body, letting his weight sink down on you.

“Lazy morning routine?” He asks as he picks at a few strands of your hair and attempts to braid it. He quickly grows tired of this, too.

Lazy morning routine was something the two of you had developed when you were growing up over many sleepovers. You would also eat themost sugary cereal you could find and watch cartoons. Of course, this had been adapted through the years to fit you as you grew.

He jumps out of your bed before you even get the chance to respond.

“I’ll get the coffee and cereal if you grab all the blanketsand pillows. Meet you at the couch in ten! Don’t forget the newspaper.” He commands. When you were little you would make forts and read the comics, too.Now that was too much work for a lazy morning, so you made a nest on the floor instead now. Along with comics you would take turns finding headlines and making up ridiculous stories behind them.

You force yourself out of bed and stand up. Slowly, you pull the sheets of your bed up so they lie neatly on top of the mattress. After fluffing the pillows, you walk to the closet where you grab a pair of sweatpants and slip them on over your bare legs. You take your time grabbing the spare blankets off of the top shelf of your closet. Really, you guys should keep them in Calum’s closet and make him get them down. Every time you have to grab them you have to grab a step stool, it’s a whole production.  But you finally get them down and walk to the living room with them stacked nicely in a laundry basket. You set them down and then head back to your room where you grab a bunch of pillows to cuddle on.

It takes Calum a little bit longer to get breakfast ready than usual. But by the time you’ve finished setting up the tent, he has it sitting on a tray in front of you. You laugh and grab your bowl of cocoa puffs. before looking at his bowl. He has concocted a mixture of lucky charms, rice krispies and reese’s puffs. You feel yourself throw up in your mouth a little. He always makes the weirdest combinations. But the weirdest part of his breakfast this morning is that he poured strawberry milk over his cereal. Blech.

“I can’t believe you eat that.” You state as you dig into your bowl of chocolatey goodness.

“At least I’m not sticking with the same old boring thing.” Calum teases you.

The morning passes and soon its late afternoon. The two of you have yet to move from your spots in your fort.  Both of you are seated on opposite sides of the couch, with your feet laying on each other’s chest.

You love days like this, they were something you craved when he was gone. It is your favorite part of your friendship with Calum.

Your day has been filled with giggles and sillyconversations about nothing and everything. You love just sitting around with your favorite boys and doing nothing.  Duke is curled up between you on the couch, every once and a while he’ll move up towards your chest and give a little jump before barking for attention Once he feels satisfied, he’ll go back and lay byyour legs and Calum’s waist.

“What are you thinking about?” Calum asks you as you guys lay there in silence watching Tom and Jerry.

You don’t respond at first. Really, you’re just thinking about how much you love days like this. It’s three pm and you guys are still inpajamas and you haven’t left your apartment all day. You were also a bit sad because soon, he would be leaving for tur and you’d be alone in this large apartment. It would feel lonely and empty, even though you still had duke and you knew you’d get to fly out once to visit the boys. But instead of telling him how this all made you sad, you looked over at him, shifting your body so you were able to get a better view of him.

“Nothing much, squish. How about you?” you respond finally.

He looks at you for moment and you can tell he’s trying to break down what’s actually going on in your mind so you shoot him a smile. His stare on you lingers for a few minutes and your eyes lock with his. His pretty brown eyes. You’ve always liked his eyes, you found them comforting. They were often times stormy and hard for other people to read but you always noticed a softness to them. One that only came out when he was with you, the boys or hisfamily. Your gaze shifts over his face, his squishy little cheeks, and his thick eyebrows but in the end your eyes settle on his mouth. The smile you love and is surprisingly plump lips. You find yourself wondering, what it would be like to kiss them. Would they be soft and warm? Or would it be gross? You’d been friends with him for so long and never really thought about him in that way. But now as it popped into your head, you couldn’t remove the thoughts that wandered in and out.

Calum Hood was attractive. He had always been, but puberty had hit him like an MF truck and now, he was beautiful.  You couldn’t deny you’d always found him to be rather good looking, but never once had you thought about what it would be like to kiss him or to touch him.  People always asked when the two of you were going to get together but that was the extent of your thoughts on the matter.

“Seriously bub, what’s the matter.” His forehead creased in worry and your thoughts went wild. You went from wondering what it would belike to touch him to wanting to kiss his worries away and smooth his worry lines away.

Did you, did you like Calum? You were blown away by the thoughts that kept entering your mind. The only way to put them to rest though would be to test it out. AS quickly as it came on, you knew it was the only option you had for putting it behind you. Besides if it didn’t go well the worst that could happen was it was an awkward thing that you left in the past.

“Honestly. This is going to sound weird.” You start. “I’m wondering what it would be like to kiss you.”

“Oh.” You can tell he’s startled. You worry as you sit there waiting for a response. Maybe you didn’t think this through as much as you should’ve. You have always had the tendency to dive in head first without thinking it through.

“So kiss me then.” He spoke up.

“Wait, really?’ Shock was evident in your tone.

“Only one way to find out.” He said as he sat up. You matched his actions. All of a sudden you’re nervous.How do you do this? How do you kiss your best friend?

Calum sat there waiting for you to do something. Truth is, he has always wanted to kiss you. He has MEGA feelings for you. But he never thought you liked him that way. Maybe you don’t but he wasn’t passing up the opportunity, especially if it might never come around again. He could feel his palms start to sweat. He was getting scared you had changed your mind. The air surrounding you was thick, and he couldn’t handle the tension. Everythingbetween the two of you had always been easy.

Fuck it. He closes the gap between the two of you, placing one hand under your chin to tilt your head up to his and placing the other behind your head, wrapping his fingers instrands of your soft hair. He hesitate for the briefest moment, less than half a second, before taking the plunge and placing his lips on yours.

It’s soft. Your lips are warm against his. Your lips play against his, neither of you really taking the lead. You work in motion with him to create something so familiar and kind, loving and warm. It feels natural to be kissing each other and like something you’d been doing your whole life. It also felt new and exciting, there was, as cheesy as it sounds, a sort of sparkto it that you’d never felt before. You loved the way his lips felt on yours.

Neither of you wants to be the one to pull away, so it’s very slow when whoever pulls away does so. Your foreheads rest against each other’s and your noses are touching. You can tell by the look in Calum’s eyes that he is feeling what you feel as well.

Shit, you’re in love with your best friend.

[chwetuan]

A Wondering Mind - Choi Youngjae x Reader (f)

 Sometimes, Youngjae wonders if you still love him like he loves you (1.0k).

Ratings/Warnings: a smidge of angst, but has a happy ending (I promise)!

Sidenote - I wrote this a few weeks ago, but revisited it. I’m not sure how I feel about it, so feedback would be great! Youngjae is a bit difficult to write for, but I got inspired and I love him so here it is, I hope you enjoy <3.

It’s nights like these, when the clock is nearing midnight and his clothes cling to his body, when his chest heaves with exhaustion, that he stares in the mirror, and his mind begins to wonder.

Youngjae questions if you still love him. If you think it’s worth it, rather. If he’s still worth it. He can’t dwell on it too long, because Jaebum is insisting that they rehearse the routine “once more”—he’s said for the past half hour. He’s beyond exhausted; this comeback is killing him. Not seeing you is killing him. But he falls in line with Jackson and Yugyeom, and he does the routine once more. It’s his job, after all. He hopes you still understand that.

Except, it’s not “once more”, because Jinyoung is moving left instead of right, Mark is stepping into his part too early, Jackson keeps mixing up the dance moves, and the ‘97 line, Jaebum, and Youngjae himself are the only ones doing the routine correctly.

He would typically be in shock when Bambam lashes out at his hyungs, and insists they simply do better. But the thick molasses of tiredness that grips his body whole prevents the emotion from washing over his body. Not only that, but Bambam’s right. They do need to do better.

And now the clock is nearing 2am, and they’ve finally managed to complete one successful run-through, but Yugyeom’s doubled-over in the corner and everyone is panting. Youngjae has no clue what kind of spell Jinyoung has cast over Jaebum, but when he says “Hyung,” Jaebum dismisses the group. Not before saying:

“Be back at 9am tomorrow.”

~~~

Youngjae uses the spare key you gave him to get in. He locks the door and flings his bag onto the floor before making his way through your apartment. He’s been staying with you the last few months, but it feels like he hardly sees you. He remembers the last argument you had, offhandedly, of course. His mind doesn’t have the energy to fully recall how it started.

“Then why are you staying here?” You had choked out, through the heat of tears and anger. “Why are you staying,” There’s a pause as a sob runs its way through your chest, “If you’re never here, if you never want to be here,”

Youngjae remembers the way his heart snaps at your words, he wishes, back then, that he would’ve told you there’s nothing he wants more than to spend time with you, to be with you. But he doesn’t, he never seems to say what he wishes. Instead, he runs away from the feelings he’s confronted with. He runs away from his own guilt, from the girl he’s in love with, and the same girl he’s hurting.

The apartment is cold, unbearably so, and he sees the remnants of your day scattered across the living room. There’s a pair of heels laying lopsided on the floor by the couch, and he sees your laptop closed and resting on the coffee table. When he makes his way to the kitchen to gulp down a glass of water, he sees a takeout container with the scribble of his name scrawled across it. He’d eat, but sleep takes priority.

He gets home after you’ve gone to bed, as usual, and you’re gone before he wakes up. Sometimes, you leave a note, but on the days you don’t, he can still feel you in the space around him. The faint smell of coffee lingers in the air, mingled with traces of lavender soap and your perfume. It drives him crazy, because he longs to kiss you good morning before you leave.

The clock is now nearing 3am, he’s still exhausted, but at least he’s no longer panting. His hair is still damp from the shower he took, his feet ache, and he can still feel the dance routine as it lingers in his muscle memory, etched in from hours of practice.

He climbs in next to you, quietly, as he listens to your even breathing and small snores.

And trust me, he’s tired, but his mind keeps him occupied with wondering if you still love him as much as he loves you.

But then, as if in a flash, half of your body is on top of him and your head rests on his chest as his arm drapes around your waist. You’re nuzzling into him and inhaling the scent of soap and all the best decisions.

Youngjae lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

He places a soft kiss on the top of your head before murmuring into your dark locks, a quiet, hesitant, “I love you,”

He’s quiet. He thinks you’re asleep. He closes his eyes, and tries to engrave this moment in his memory.

But then you respond.

“Hm, you better.” Your voice is heavy with sleep as you peer up at him through dream-filled lashes;

He remains silent for a few seconds, “I’m sorry if I woke you,” he responds, squeezing your body once, twice, and a third time because God, he’s missed your voice. Your soft, honey voice that is saved for your quietest moments.

And somehow you manage to prop yourself up, just enough to fully face him. Your eyes are barely open but the grin on your face is wide. “It’s okay,” you say, before tilting your head and pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

Youngjae has no idea why you’re grinning at three in the morning, but he doesn’t complain, because in the moment, it’s the most beautiful thing he’s seen.

“I love you too,” you whisper back to him.

There’s a pause as you adjust yourself against his tired frame.

“I need to tell you something,” He says softly,

You hum in response, inhaling his scent, loving that he’s here, with you.

“There is nothing I want more in this world than to spend time with you. I always want to be with you; it will always be you. I love you, and I love you for everything. I love you for letting me stay with you instead of at the dorms. I love you for buying me takeout even though I never eat it. I love you for yelling at me for not eating,” he pauses as a small laugh shakes his chest.

“I love you for staying with me. I hope you stay forever.”

You let the silence wash over you.

“Jae,” You mumble into the juncture of his neck and shoulder. “I will always stay.”

After that, you’re back to laying on his chest. Youngjae assumes the conversation is over when he hears your soft snores.

But this time, his mind stops wondering, and shortly afterwards, he’s snoring softly too.

He never realizes that you grin because you’re stupidly, one-hundred percent, head over heels, in love with him.

.

.

.

mlist, wips | I hope you guys enjoyed! I’m sure it goes without saying but requests are always open? My ask box is always open? I’ll be posting a prompt list soon, so be on the lookout! -Z <3

[paradoxicalpatton]

Coffee and Flowers

Title: Coffee and Flowers (This is temporary until I can think of a better one)

Summary: Patton is a father who runs a flower shop across the road from a small coffee shop. He decides to start getting a daily coffee every morning and immediately falls for the cute barista.

Pairings: Logicality, background Prinxiety. (Let’s ignore the fact I only ever write Logicality)

Trigger Warnings: None, will edit if necessary.

Chapter: 1

Word Count: 1956

Taglist: @my-happy-little-bean ​ @toujours-fidele ​ @preyed-llama ​ @a-valorous-choice ​ @milomeepit ​ @ironwoman359 ​ @painfullybisexual (Let me know if you’d like to be added or removed!)

Author’s Notes: So firstly I want to say thank you to my moon, @preyed-llama ​ for helping me come up with the plot and what not, and for generously agreeing to be my beta. I couldn’t have done this without her! I’m at a bit of a blank with Opposites right now, but there should be a new chapter in a few days.

Chapter Excerpt: “Sorry about that, $17.50 yeah? Here you go!” Honestly, this man made Logan jealous, how did he run across the road and back and not break a sweat?“Thanks, um, what name was that under?” Logan grabbed a permanent marker and a tall coffee cup, awaiting to her the strangers name.“Oh, just Patton will be fine!” Logan quickly wrote it on the cup, while trying not to stare at the beautiful smile Patton was giving him.

Master list || Next Chapter

Patton Sanders was an ordinary man. He was 28 years old, adopted a boy named Thomas, and ran the local flower shop ‘Once and Floral’. You could say that Patton lived a very normal life, both he and Thomas were happy, content with what they had. But Patton felt as if something were missing, and he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. That morning Patton had driven Thomas to school, usually Thomas would take the bus, but he was feeling a little ill- he refused to stay home because today his class was learning about bees, his favourite insect- so Patton drove him instead. This of course meant that Patton was a little late to open shop, no one was there but he still felt a little guilty. He unlocked the door and entered, quickly setting everything up that wasn’t ready the night before.

Patton owned a very small flower shop, so he was the only person working there, but he didn’t mind. On days that Thomas was too ill for school, he would come with Patton to work, earning extra pocket money for being his dad’s ‘Best Busy Bee’. The flower shop was indeed small, but it was very homely. The walls were painted a pale yellow, most of the paint having chipped off over the years, exposing the old wooden boards underneath. The front of the store had two large bay windows, these being the main source of light, that had soft pillows and blankets covering the ledge. Every wall was covered in flowers from top to bottom, the wall closest to the register had a tiny bookshelf in the middle; with all kinds of books about the types of flowers, the meaning of flowers, and what flowers you should use together to send a message. Every flower was categorised in colour order, red flowers on the wall to the right of the door, all the way to purple flowers covering the left side. Above the door were small white mayflowers, it only seemed fitting as they meant ‘welcome’. Throughout the centre of the store were miscellaneous plants, such as cacti or ferns, all planted neatly in cute little pots Thomas had painted- surprisingly or not they all had a bee on them somewhere- they were a favourite with all the elderly ladies that would come in. Behind the register was a long counter that was covered in ribbons, wrapping paper, cellophane and different shaped boxes and baskets. It wasn’t much, but it was his, he loved that flower shop just as much as he did Thomas.

Now, usually Patton would get a good night’s sleep, he’d make sure Thomas and himself had dinner by 6pm, they’d watch a movie together, and Thomas would be asleep by 8pm. Patton would tuck Thomas in and leave his room, making a round around the house, locking every door and window. He’d stay up for a little while longer, spoiling himself by watching a few animal videos on YouTube before heading to bed by 9pm. This was their every day routine, and neither of them had a problem with it. Last night, however, a customer had requested a large number of flowers for their wedding reception, and Patton had stayed up until 3am planning and sorting what flowers he should arrange for them. So, to say that he was tired the next morning was an understatement. He’d finished moving and setting up books and magazines, potted plants and ready-to-buy bouquets by 9am, moving over to the front door and turning around the hanging sign to say ‘Open’. He must’ve fallen asleep at the register because the next thing he knew was that Mrs. Davidson was shaking him awake.

“Oh, Mrs. Davidson, I apologise for being so unprofessional. How can I help you?” Patton stood up, stretching his back while stifling a yawn. Mrs. Davidson giving him a soft smile as he focused his attention solely on her.

“Dearest Patton, I’ve told you countless times, just call me Elizabeth. Anyway, I was wondering if you had any houseplants I could give to my sister? She’s visiting this weekend and I’d like to get her something.” Patton guided Elizabeth towards the centre of the shop, the potted plants organised neatly. Patton circled the stand, looking at each and every plant as Elizabeth described her sister, giving the friendly father an idea on what she’d like. He stopped in front of a small bonsai tree and picked it up off the shelf before turning to his lovely customer.

“How about this? It’s an Ulmus parvifolia, but most people call it a Bonsai tree. They generally signify love, balance and a calm peaceful energy. As well as inner strength, intuition, and wisdom.” Patton walked back to the register, confident that Mrs. Davidson would purchase it.

“Oh, it’s perfect. She won’t have to take too much care for it will she?”

“Not at all. It needs to be kept in a place where natural light will shine but shouldn’t be left in sunlight for more than 5 hours. She should only water it when the soil seems to be dry and must make sure not to over water it.” Patton wrapped a lavender coloured ribbon around the pot, explaining to Mrs. Davidson what needed to be done.

“My love, you are an angel to this world. Alright, how much do I owe you?” Mrs. Davidson pulled her purse out of her large handbag, leaning on the edge of the counter as she waited for Patton’s response.

“$25, I threw in the ribbon for free so don’t worry about that.” Patton placed the Bonsai tree next to the register as he kindly took Elizabeth’s money, making sure to thank her as he did so.

“Patton, is this one of the pots your son painted? Oh, what was his name again?” Mrs. Davidson picked up the plant, examining the ceramic white container it was in.

“Yes, it is, his name is Thomas. I can quickly change it if you wish?” Patton looked up at Mrs. Davidson once he was done. Patton was very good at reading people, and he realised that the thought of changing the pot hadn’t even crossed her mind.

“Dear, I wouldn’t change this for the world. You should sell the pots separately as well, they’re just the cutest. I must be off now, you should get a coffee from the coffee shop across the road, it’ll keep you awake.” Mrs. Davidson shifted the Bonsai tree, so it was sitting comfortably in the nook of her arm as she walked out the peaceful flower shop, smirking at the sign by the door that read ‘Leafing So Soon?’. Patton watched her leave, the bell atop the door ringing as it shut.

Maybe he should grab something to drink, he didn’t want to risk falling asleep again.

It was common knowledge that Logan Woods was the most attractive man in town. Dark mocha coloured hair fell lightly over his black glasses that covered his caramel eyes. He was fairly tall, his body thin yet still slightly muscular. And although he could have anyone he wanted, he stayed single, confusing everyone that met him. Logan ran the local coffee shop, it wasn’t too big, but it was welcoming.

‘C8 H10 N4 O2’ was a simple coffee shop, the walls a dark brown tone which complimented the light brown floorboards. Miscellaneous items in the store would contrast the dark colours with white accents, the small lounge chair in front of the fireplace being the best example. Throughout the shop were clear glass vases filled with white plastic flowers, most pictures hanging on the walls being the components that made up a coffee under a microscope. Just like Logan, his coffee shop was in fact very nerdy. A lot of people who knew him were surprised he’d wanted to be a barista instead of a teacher.

Virgil, his younger brother, was of course very supportive of him. Plus, Logan made amazing coffee, why wouldn’t he support that. Virgil was always the first customer in each morning, he was still in university and none of classes started until after lunch, so he liked to kill time at his brother’s shop. Logan didn’t mind this, it gave him someone to talk to until the morning rush started, plus he got to help Virgil with his studies. This morning, however, Virgil was studying contemporary music, which wasn’t Logan’s most knowledgeable area.

“I do not see why studying contemporary music is a necessity? What will it help you achieve?” Logan was busy cleaning up his store as Virgil read over some of his course work. Logan was moving swiftly around the store, collecting dirty plates and cups and wiping down the tables before preparing more coffee.

“Don’t ask me, as long as I graduate I don’t care.” Virgil took a sip from the coffee Logan had made him, his favourite white chocolate mocha. Logan moved back over to his brother, leaning his back against the counter to face Virgil.

“What time does you first class start today?” Logan picked up Virgil’s timetable he’d scribbled down in the back of his journal, checking what time he needed to leave.

“I think half past 10 but I don’t know anymore.” Virgil lent back on his chair holding onto the counter he was sat in front of.

“Virgil, you realise it is now 10 o’clock? You need to leave now.” Logan closed the journal, placing it in Virgil’s carry bag.

“Huh, I probably should go. Alright, I’ll see you later Lo.” Virgil jumped up off the chair, grabbing his bag and heading to the door. As he opened it he was met with another man on the other side of the door.

“You got another one!” Virgil called out to his brother before finally leaving the coffee shop, leaving Logan chuckling softly to himself so that no one else could hear. Logan walked around the counter as the new customer approached, quickly tightening his apron.

“Hi, welcome to Caffeine, what can I get you today?” Logan stood behind the register, looking up the man that stood before him.

“Hello! Um, could I-uh, could I please have a-uh, a tall caramel macchiato?” Logan stared in awe at the man in front of him. He was absolutely stunning, slightly messy chocolate brown hair and honey eyes behind black framed glasses.

“Uh yeah, that’ll be $17.50” Logan punched in the order, ringing up the handsome guys bill.

“Oh shoot, I left my wallet back at the shop!” The man glanced behind him, noticing that he was now the only customer there, “I’ll be one second!” And he was gone, in a blink of an eye, the man had sped out the coffee shop and across the road, before rushing back to the register Logan was standing behind. “Sorry about that, $17.50 yeah? Here you go!” Honestly, this man made Logan jealous, how did he run across the road and back and not break a sweat?

“Thanks, um, what name was that under?” Logan grabbed a permanent marker and a tall coffee cup, awaiting to her the strangers name.

“Oh, just Patton will be fine!” Logan quickly wrote it on the cup, while trying not to stare at the beautiful smile Patton was giving him.

“Alright, it shouldn’t be too long.” Logan got to work, making the drink before calling him up.

“Have a good day.” Logan handed him the drink, their fingers brushing ever so slightly.

“Uh- yeah, you too!” The barista watched as Patton walked out, placing his head in the palm of his hand as he lent on the counter. A content smile forcing its way onto his face.

Patton, that’s a nice name.

[2018dclrepo]

Day 1 (of 2) at Sea - Wednesday, September 12, 2018

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 12, 2018

View from our Navigator Verandah!

We awoke around 8am after both finally having a strong night’s sleep. (Thank you Dramamine!) Our only choice for breakfast after 9am was Cabanas. Interestingly I wrote myself a note here to “warn” future cruisers about this. As you read in a previous post, Cabanas, especially on the smaller ships is not made to accommodate all the guests. As can be expected on Days at Sea guests sleep later and take a more casual start to the day. (Thus, I was surprised at the limited later offerings.) 

Anyway, as Kara and I both spent our fair share of time pursuing college degrees and now both work in higher education, we are quick learners. Thus, it was the strategy of “divide & conquer”. We first went looking for a rare table to snag so we’d actually have somewhere close to sit and eat! Welcome to the vacation “Aggressive Kara” to snatched a two-top right out from under an older Asian lady and little girl. Vicious!  One of us held the table while the other got food in an orchestrated tag-team effort.

As each day of a cruise passes, we get more relaxed (read: lazy). Thus, neither of us brought our phones (cameras) to breakfast. So you’ll have to imagine the eggs Benedict, fruit, Mickey waffles (covered in strawberries & whipped cream!), banana bread and more!

At 10:30am Kara went to the cooking demonstration of the Wild Mushroom Risotto she had the night before in Palo, while I lounged in the stateroom reading. I placed the first order of my traditional Big Island Cookies from Room Service. However, the service was running late. (We’ve long-believed new servers first begin their training in Room Service.) The cookies were delivered  while we were out. So upon return, I was shocked/stunned/massively disappointed that they were notably smaller, definitely not Big Island! (This is going to require “a letter” to DCL.) Kara blames me for packing so many home in the past, requiring them to cut back for product loss reasons! FYI I only packed a few home, but didn’t even bother freezing them. I just ate them the weekend we returned, as they weren’t worth saving for later. So sad!

At 11:30am we met for to watch Avengers: Infinity War (again) in the on-board Buena Vista movie theatre. (Yes, I know I’d just seen it on the plane, but seeing it again in the theatre, a Disney theatre!, is a different experience! Note: The theatre is usually a little cool, so bring a jacket! This time I was cold enough I almost went back to the room for a blankie!) 

Immediately after the movie we headed down to Crown & Fin for the 2pm presentation of “Innovations: Theme Parks”. These are kind of a mix of seminar & documentary. However, this space was too cold and the presentation too slow, so we headed back to room. (The Navigator Verandah has a compass, barometer, and thermometer in it. This was showing only about 58 degrees, which slowly got to 70 in sun. So of course, I was “freezing”!)

The afternoon was spent lounging, reading and a slight nap before I got motivated to go to the 4pm Pilates in the Fitness Center. While I did this, Kara was on a nearby treadmill. The Pilates “class” had about 6 of us in the middle of the fitness area, which overlooks the front of the ship. Thus, it has incredible views! The class was tougher than I expected in some ways, and a bit easy in other ways. I almost wished I’d stayed on a treadmill next to Kara, as they are my favorite machines. They allow you to set the type of workout, give you a view of a track, mountains, etc., watch entertainment from your mobile device or choose from the onboard TV stations. (Of course this was the time Iron Man 2 - a real fave - was on the Marvel channel and I had to miss it!) FYI the Fitness Center offers machines, free weights, mats, and much more along with ice water, fruit, & towels. Nice!

After our minor “workout” we grabbed a late lunch at the Deck 9 pool quick service of chicken strips, fries, and treats from Cove Cafe.

I don’t know what is in the Chicken Strip breading, but I adore it. Luckily they accommodate the Midwestern need for BBQ sauce as well! This was the first time we’d experience rice krispie treats in Cove Cafe, so that was noted!

It was then time for quick showers while watching end of Avengers: Age of Ultron (YAY!) and all of The Little Mermaid. This all works out, as you have to plug the hairdryers in at the desk area right next to the TV.

Tonight we skipped the main stage show, as it was a guest performer. This is a typical offering of a magic, illusion, ventriloquist, and other entertainment like Stomp, etc. that we just don’t tend to love. So we took our leisurely time noting some features for you - our followers, like the “hand” on the elevator and the detailed directories at every elevator.

You aren’t getting lost with this!

We strolled through the Deck 3 shop again for me to finally buy a new bedazzled DCL top!  This was on our way to the 7:30pm 80s music trivia in Crown & Fin. It was a great place to enjoy a drink, some chips, a game of chess, and the trivia. #multitasking! 

Then it was off to our 8:15pm Pirate Dinner in Animator’s Palate. Today was Pirate Day/Night around the ship with pirate-themed activities, dinner, and special evening offerings. Sadly I didn’t snap a photo of my Pirate Day shirt. I only ever wear it on this day on the ship, as it’s a pink T with magenta sequins outlining the DCL wave logo and a skull & crossbones in silver sequins! :D They encourage Pirate attire, so plan accordingly!

The lighting is themed fairly dark in the restaurant to give a more pirate-y feel and to view the monitors, so apologies for the photos below. 

Tonight’s dinner started with appetizers of Shrimp Cocktail for Kara...

...and the Rock Crab Cake for me.

Kara and I ordered the same entree of the “Treasure of the Seas” highlighted with shrimp & scallops.

As a bonus, they also brought us a plate of the Marinated Caribbean Grouper Filet.

For dessert there was only one option for me: “Bananas in Paradise” - banana bread with hazelnut filling served with a banana spice puree.

While Kara had her usual.

If memory serves, we were not enamored with this meal. At least for me, it was pretty underwhelming to disappointing. I don’t know what it is about Animator’s. It’s an incredible “show” restaurant, but we don’t tend to like any of the menu options it offers. Very strange. 

Dinner ended with the traditional Pirate Parade around the restaurant.

This cruise I was determined to live in the moment and embrace the evening entertainment of the Pirates IN the Caribbean Deck Party & Show followed by the fireworks at sea. (Disney is the only cruise line to offer fireworks at sea!) I’d even learned they changed the evening on-deck dessert reception to a combo of sweet & savory in Cabanas. I was going to do it all!

You can guess where this is heading. We basically did none of this. Knowing how many first-time cruisers were on-board, experience told us the deck party would be a crazy chaos of humanity. The bigger issue was even with my trusty “puffy” jacket the dropping temps and increasing winds would make for a pretty miserably top deck experience for the fireworks. So instead we did what we almost always do and spied a bit of the fireworks from our cozy stateroom. 

Instead of the Cabanas reception, we (I) ordered the Cake of the Day (chocolate mousse) and cookies from Room Service while re-watching Dr. Strange. At this point we accept and have come to terms with our introvert-status (& my intolerance of the “cold”). It’s who we are, so this is how we Disney Cruise! (We also understand others do this very differently!)

Thus, it was off to Sleepy Town after midnight.

Next up: Day at Sea - Round Two!

[awideplace]

After I wrote this, I went to bed and within what must have been 10 minutes fell into a wonderful sleep. I woke up just after midnight last night (after going to bed around 9pm), was up for maybe 30-45 minutes doing the aforementioned things instead of my usual just staying in bed and letting my thoughts (and therefore concerns) snowball. After I did those things and wrote, I slept deep and woke at 6:15am (internal clock as that is kind of a weekday waking hour), then fell right back asleep again and slept in until 8:30am because it's the weekend (that's sleeping in for me, anything past 9am is like a late morning).

I share this because from my understanding a lot of people struggle with sleep these days. Last night was my third night in a row of waking up (around midnight-1am and not sleeping again until like 3-4am). I thought a part of it was that I had wine with dinner/before bed while reading (a glass, maybe two, over a period of a few hours and it is a lower in sugar/alcohol content wine [I gingerly talk about drinking wine on here because I want to be sensitive to those who struggle with alcohol and not stumble others, but I think it's okay to drink wine in moderation as an adult, never getting drunk, but only if you know you can "handle" it - some cannot, and this is okay, we've all been there of not being able to handle certain things and it takes strength to know your weaknesses - it's a strength to know your weaknesses and act accordingly, beloved]). So I thought maybe I was waking up because I had wine, so last night I didn't have it with dinner or before bed. I still woke up though, so I knew it perhaps wasn't the wine (although previously it may have been part of it, wine can dehydrate you and thus you can wake up), and I knew it was anxiety/a spiritual issue. So I did those Spirit-led practices and I then slept so well. I've always thought...sometimes when I wake up and cannot sleep, is this God getting me alone with him in the quiet when no one and nothing else is around? No other distractions, so to speak? An intimate time with just him, to hear my heart in the raw and spend time in prayer (i.e. heart-led conversation) for myself and others? I do think so. I do think it is God getting me alone most of the time.

All I know is, it brought great peace after doing the spiritual practices/drawing close to him and turning my burdens over to him in the night watches (and sometimes it's a turning over again, and again, and again because our minds take things back) and I then slept deep. I give thanks to God, it's his Holy Spirit that directs us when all other directions have failed to bring reprieve.

🕯 The third evening in a row of waking up past midnight and being very much so awake, unable to go back to sleep for a few hours. I got on my knees and prayed. I read a bit. I wrote a note to God. I listen to worship music. I read Scripture. I pour my heart out.

So many things we all have that keep us up or wake us up.

Using this time as an opportunity for spiritual intimacy with the Lord and seeking his healing in all things. Interceding in prayer for others. Seeing how little I can do, how helpless I am apart from him. The early morning fragile hours expose deeply our insufficiencies, which is why I think we awake in concern. These insufficiencies are opportunities for true help and healing from the Lord, there is no other answer. There is nothing and no one else who can help, beloved.

I am glad he has not given me what I want often; when I get what I want due to pushing forward my will I regret it, I want a do-over. I want less of what I want. He is changing my heart and showing me a tiny peeled back understanding day by day as to the why. He brings understanding.

With him is the safest place to be, and yet the riskiest it feels like. It's because everything we think we want and try to have happen in our own understanding seems like the right or good thing in the moment, but it's a dangerous place to be. It feels right, but it leads to regret and confusion. With him is not seeing, not feeling, yet believing (the risk) and yet the underlying peace. It doesn't make it easy, but it is right.

[mcrmadness]

Insane how tired one can suddenly be right before/around midnight. I can barely keep my eyes open. I really hope this ends soon because I literally have been feeling extremely tired for the whole week every day right after waking up. It’s just not fun when my body feels like it’s in the middle of some melatonin storm all day every day and I can’t even make myself to go into shower because I feel like napping 24/7.

I’m not sure if I just have so much energy from the spring time that it feels overwhelming and makes me overtired. Or if this is because for a few weeks I was in this... weird hyperfocus mood with my art.

For 2-3 weeks straight I did almost nothing else but kept drawing comics and other stuff, came up with even more ideas and I wrote SO MANY ideas into my sketchbook, and when I was finally finished with that pencil/marker project I had been thinking about for months AND those 3 die ärzte comics, that that all just wore me so out and now I’m totally out of energy and sleeping enough at nights but apparently still not enough. I wonder if I should still sleep for 12 hours, normally 7-8h is an okay amount but now I feel like I am so sleep deprived even after that amount. My head just won’t let me stay asleep for longer than that, now. The pro is that I can actually fall asleep at night, but the con is I’m so tired I can’t get any chores done because I just wait for the day to end so that I can get back to sleep. I‘m at home 24/7 doing nothing.

I’m looking at my sketchbook now and over this short time I have got this many new ideas:

3 x self-comics

2 x die ärzte related comics

2 x something to do with my old old OC comic and I got super excited over that one

And now as I look at this list where I write down all my comic ideas to keep track of them and what I have already done - I just added those previous ones to the list and it looks something like this:

11 x self-comics

2 x dä, + 2 x potential comics that I don’t know yet if they would work as comics or better just as short fanfiction drabbles

2 comics for the OC

Like, it’s so weird. I like this BUT it’s also weird and apparently whenever my brain becomes this hyperactive with creativity, it just overheats and ends up making my whole body way too tired. And like, my brain is not tired at all. It’s doing something 24/7. Today I have written 7 pages of a fanfiction. Another thing that I came up with over the past week, the beginning, or actually just the idea of that story, was an old one but I hadn’t even written that down, just some weird intro for that that I ended up abandoning and writing 7 more pages instead.

ALSO another thing I have been thinking about here: my inner clock does not follow what society thinks is the correct one. Mine has always been delayed and also affected by the nature a lot. I’m naturally a night owl so having this super weird 1-9am schedule is very unnatural for me. 3-12 would me more natural. So now as my head has again been waking me up way too early AND every time this has happened before, I have had the exact same thing - I’m just so tired throughout the whole day.

And it made me wonder that when I was still working and studying, I used to be extremely tired every day and pretty much every day when I had come home and was sitting in front of my computer, I almost fell asleep. Like, couldn’t control it, I was staring at the screen and then felt like my head’s gonna hit my table soon, and pretty often I actually leaned back in my chair and had a snap while sitting here. Very very often I passed out on the sofa, sometimes I fell asleep in the evening and slept all night without waking up to anything. My work days always started at 7:45am and school days usually at 8am, I did sleep too little every night too but just now I startd wondering... I was like chronigally exhausted during my work time. Always tired and I think it was actually a lot like what I’m not feeling, I just got so used to it that I no longer knew how it felt like to be well rested and just had to survive and cook and shower and do the dishes no matter how tired I would have been. And I did skip all of those things very many times, I usually cooked just once a week but made just so much food that I could eat it the whole week. On weekends I was also always tired and sleeping a lot and it just felt that I never fully recovered from the week and then it already was yet another monday (plus I often did saturday or sunday so sometimes I worked 6 days a week).

It’s possible that it never was ONLY the amount of sleep I got at night but the fact I had to force myself to wake up before 7 in the morning every day, and on my free days I never ever woke up that early. Usually 9-10am was the earliest and if I had 2 free days in a row, then on the second day I easily slept all the way to 10-12 even. Which then made it hard to get to bed early enough in order to not be tired on Monday. And then also, if I slept e.g. 9h in one night, then I was not tired at all the next EVENING and that made me get even less sleep for the night. So I had to sleep so few hours enough that I surely was gonna be tired in the evening if I wanted to sleep more than 3 hours the next night.

Anyway. It’s now half past midnight and I’m so exhausted again my whole body is shaking and I feel like I’m floating here. Very lightheaded. I need to get some sleep asap so I’m gonna brush my teeth and then go to bed. I hope this time it’s gonna be easier, I don’t remember anything from last night, I just remember it was so hard to fall asleep because I was so overtired and overstimulated that I saw some extremyl distressing dreams. I can’t remember anything from those dreams but I think I once even woke up from them because they were some stress dreams and almost nightmares. I normally never have nightmares.

[coreytravelogue]

Whitehorse, Yukon Territory - May 19, 2018

While I was Yukon I had full intention to post my journal entry before leaving but like me bringing my Jayne hat on this trip, it just didn’t happen. So this will be a mix me last week talking and me a week after reflecting. So lets begin.

(May 11)

Today is the first half of my first day of the city and I think I have already got most of the city now, maybe I am wrong but it is not a big fit. It is not a knock I expected it o be this way and wanted it to. I needed the quiet and the forest atmosphere. Could have done with less of the wind.

I forgot my Jayne hat which angers me to no end but it is a first world problem. I found I forgot it mid way to the airport. Got on the plane at 7 but it wasn’t until 8 when we got off the ground due to a broken toilet. We made it it to Kelowna 45 minutes later in what was supposed to be a in and out and instead it was another hour waiting for something else. I am assuming it was the same broken toilet.

We got off the ground again and it was a 150 min trip or so. One good thing was they fed us well, well better than westjet or air canada would on a trip less than 6 hours or so. We got a fruit and meat plate which was unexpected, a snack which was small but oh well followed by a warm cookie so I could not complain especially since I barely ate that day.

I finally got into Whitehorse at midnight to find the smallest airport I have been to in years that felt like it came out of the 80s w it hits warm colours but I liked that of course. It was just different coming from big or bigger airports elsewhere. Even St. John’s airport is twice the size of this one. I knew I needed a taxi. I normally don’t not trust or don’t like using taxis but given is as in a unknown place, it was midnight and I was tired it was required.  I checked that it would be a 13 dollar fare and the route didn’t seem to of air of a drive but it still wound up being a 20 dollar fare. Thankfully I was prepared for that.

I arrived in my room and found it to be excellent, very nice and clean. That being said I didn’t wind UFO falling asleep till 2 am. I woke up at 6 am and dragged another hour of myself before I showered and met the owner of the house. The house itself is very new in a new neighbourhood. Apparently it was once full of kids but they are all but one gone and that one hopes to be d one soon. In a great form of irony he is trying to apply to work for the department I am working for. I couldn’t and wouldn’t tell much since I have no power to sway but the mother told me he really wants to work for us and I told her if her. Son really wants to work for my department and has the education then he has a good shot. She is a nice woman and house is very nice, would probably be a awesome place. To stay in the summer but it is not quite summer yet as I would soon find out.

I walked out into the 9am to a never ending gust of wind but I quickly got what Whitehorse was about.  It truly is frontier city, that has always been its aesthetic and this city owns it as best it can while it does modernize. It felt like a fusion of the small towns patchiness of Bay Roberts with the industrial appeal of Edmonton.

I walked to the airport in 30 min from the house looking to go to the museums next door but they were both closed. I assume that this city is visited in the summer commonly and winter as well but not in fall or spring and it is still spring here. I then decided to walk tot he city centre because on the map it didn’t seem like that long of a walk. Well not long compared to other cities I have been to. 90 min later I finally reached the city Center after walking through sandy hills and beautiful made for hiking trails. I hoped to have a good breakfast but it was too late for that.

I went to the Main Street which it was literally, the city has one records tore in the area and it is a small one with records going for 50 bucks a shot, CDs for 20 bucks. Reminded me of the old days of Fort McMurray where all CDs cost 25 dollars while everywhere else south was at 20. That is the price of living north of regular civilization. The further away you are from civilization the more expensive things get.

I spent 30 dollars on fudge.......fudge! Not because it was expensive, I don’t know about fudge prices but I went into this Midnight Sun shop which seemed to have a makeshift amount of home madeish stuff, tourist stuff and.......fudge. They had a tray full of tasters and I had one, loved it.....tried another loved it and I think I tried all the different stuff. I am normally not a fudge guy, I cane at it but I guess it has only been until recently I have gotten into how creative many places are with it....so I bought 30 bucks in fudge.....so what....treat yo self!

A coworker recommended a cafe for me to go to but it is too late for breakfast food. As I am writing this I am on my 3rd beer at the Dirty Northern Bastard Public House. I had butter chicken fries and two Yukon made beers from a brewery that is good far from me to check out called Winterlong Brewery. The other I want to go to will have to wait till tomorrow. I could g o today but I want to go on the tour. I always wanted to go on a brewery tour but they were always expensive or not available. This seems doable but the tour starts in 20 min and it Isao 40 min walk from here, I know because I already walked it.

So Saturday the plan is to wake up and hit the two museums at the airport early then be in the brewery by 2pm for it’s tour then buy some beer and find somewhere to get writing. I knew I would be done exploring this city quick. The point was to find solitude or a portion of it to work on stuff.

Whitehorse has something that the others don’t and that is wilderness that surrounds and you are away from everything, something I can’t get in Vancouver or anywhere close. I don’t know if I will get that in Fort Mac 2 weeks from now but I know I won’t have time for writing in Fort Mac while I run a solo Corey This Is Your Life episode just for myself because I know only I am interested in my own past and preserving it because my greatest fear is forgetting things.

The day is still a child here but it is too early to get drunk so I want to hit the only  museum open today then find another place to watch the hockey game. The traditional Canadian accent is very strong here, I feel like the Canada culture is stronger here than it is in places like Toronto, Edmonton and Vancouver. That is if you think in terms of the stereotypes; large wilderness, the accent, the sweet tooth, the hockey obsessed lifestyle and the beer.

May 12

Another day is done and in between those two days there was lots of walking that was done.

After I wrote the above I sent out to explore some more. I set out to find the paddlewheel boat and found I could not get it on it.

Walked back to the city center to go to the go to the city’s historical museum. Sadly it was under renovation but they still were open and changing 8 bucks.

After spending a hour there I went back to the bar to watch the Caps versus Bolts while I continued to dine on over priced bar food and beer but hey.....treat yo self! It was still good food.

By the time the game was over I felt it was time to head back to my room and figured hey it took 90 min to get here I should be able to get back no problem in the same time. I walked up the hill to where the airport was and figured well I already went one way, the other way don’t look too long....

3 hours later I finally got home with my legs completely shot, serves me right I think but thankfully a chat with a friend on my phone made the trek shorter plus I needed the alone time to talk to myself about the typical things.

I got off the bed today and immediately felt the effects of Friday’s walk around the airfield. Those effects I have felt all day. The plan was to go to the museum next to the airport then take a bus to the city center and do the brewery tour then head back to the house to watch the game. That didn’t happen.

The museum was awesome, it was the Beringia Interpretive Center and I think I was their only patron that day, they gave me the full tour and I got my full 6 bucks worth which was beyond worth it. I got to shoot a prehistoric arrow befor bows and arrows which make me want to try and build and shoot my own of it.

After that I had about 90 min to get to the brewery, so I went to the bus stop assuming that it should be around only to find it only runs once and hour. So I decided to do another stupid thing and that was to walk the way down there on basically one good foot. It did wind up being fun despite the fear of bears being around.

I finally got the brewery and drank my fill on a empty stomach, I think everyone knew my plight that day was to just get toasted. I went to wall mart to get my parents the rest of their Christmas presents because I like to get it early. I finally did take the bus which lead me back to at least ten min from the place I stayed but I needed food and was too lazy to cook so I wound up paying 50 dollars worth in fries and chicken finger just for nourishment and nearly passing. Out on their couch. I don’t think it was so much being drunk as it was exhaustion.

So here I am in bed and really to sleep at the early hour of 8 pm.

Tomorrow the plan is to check out and hit the last museum then sit in the airport and work on my writing till the plane gets in. 

May 13 (written on May 19)

The original plan for May 13 was simple; have a decent breakfast for the first time since I had been there, go to the transportation museum then wait it out in the airport till I left at 4:30 and got home just in time to have a decent night’s sleep............that did not happen and no one ever really gave a good reason. It was just that kind of a day. The first big issue I had that day was that i had bought two bottles of beer that I hoped I could bring with me on the plane. I found out that I couldn’t so I went into the bush to drink it. Not only was it warm but it wasn’t that great so I only really drank half of one bottle and two shots of the other and poured them out.

I went to the transportation museum which found up being a bit of a waste of money to me. It had a few nice things in it but nothing that I really cared for. I did get a pin out of it. Even though I did try to stretch my time at the museum I still had 3 hours before i had to check in. I went into the airport assuming like every other airport I have been it to it would have wifi but it didn’t I was also hoping that the concession stand would be open as it normally is to the hilt in every other place to get a fridge magnet (one of the few tourist things I collect at places because its cheap and it makes my fridge look cooler). Concession stand was closed, apparently it is only open for maybe a few hours between whenever flights come because not very many flights come in and out of Whitehorse. So I had 3 hours to kill and decided to walk across the street to the motel/resteraunt/bar that looked like it came straight out of the Klondike which struck my interest and it did not disappoint. Once inside it did have the look of a log cabin with 1970s decor. I ordered chicken fingers and fries with some Yukon Brewing beer. Realized they didn’t have wifi either so there you go but the food was good and I was able to relax. After an hour and a half of relaxing I felt i may as well just check in and wait it out and went across the highway again to check in.

I went to the check in place to find out that the plane did not arrive and that the flight has been moved to 9:30.............fuck. So much for having a good nights sleep.

By this time the concession stand was open because I think even they assumed my flight would in and maybe buy shit like I did, the fridge magnet. So I figured well I guess I will just take the bus back downtown and have a few beer then bus back since it takes only about 20 min to do it. I walked to the bus station to find out the bus was closed on Sundays. That is a new one for me and suffice to say I wasn’t that happy about it but how I seen it as long as I could get home I didn’t care. So I went back to the truck stop motel/restaurant/bar to the surprise of the waitress wondering why I am back. I told her my flight was pushed back 6 hours so I am basically going to be here for 6 hours. She had no problem, I ordered and drank more beer and had some of the best roast beef I have had in a long time.

Yes I ate a lot of meat while I was here, the reason is that I couldn’t find any real vegetarian options in this city, it is a small city. I got to watch yet another hockey game and get sufficiently buzzed and got back to the airport ready to take the plane out and so was everyone else who looked like they got kicked in the balls by Air North.

The flight from Whitehorse to Kelowna was fine; got a sandwich, snack and a cookie, I wish Air Canada/WestJet would do this but then I also do wish all air lines would stop trying to fuck you to but that is wishful thinking. I was originally supposed to sit beside this woman whom looked a little bit older than me and seemed to have a serious thorn up her ass. One look at me I think and she wanted no part sitting with me. I know I am not a good looking or a well groomed person but I did wash that day, my hands were clean and I knew I didn’t smell. She did look like a bit of a snob having a bad day but since the plane to Kelowna was half full she was able to sit by herself. When we arrived in Kelowna the flight itself was gonna be full, full of young kids coming from a hockey game. One kid could not stop saying “that’s insane” for someone realizing they would only get 2 hours sleep that night it was getting beyond annoying. The most annoying part though is the same thing that happened crossing Kelowna happened again but for no reason. We were basically on the fucking plane for at least 90 min even though they said it was just going to be a in and out thing. It wasn’t

Even more annoying was the snobby lady had to sit beside me and she did not look happy about it. At the time I really didn’t care but I was also antsy because we were not allowed to have our tablets or phones out for some ungodly stupid reason. Anyone who knows me knows I don’t do well with sitting still doing nothing for long so my leg was bopping and the lady for some reason didn’t like it even though it was not making noise and as far as I knew it was not making anything else move but she told me to stop. So with the push back of the flight, the needless wait in Kelowna, the “that’s insane” kid, nothing do and the snobby girl telling me to stop moving my leg really made me irritated. Part of me wanted to say no deal with it, we all got to deal with what is going on tonight but I said nothing. We finally got off the ground and we arrived in Vancouver at 1am with no way to get home but to pay a 30 dollar cab ride home and get home at 2am with only a chance at 3 hours of sleep.

That was my Whitehorse trip.

The days prior to my trip I decided on trying to do a grading system for the cities I have been to because I like to grade things, I am weird like that but I couldn’t entirely nail down the grading scale in a way that would be fair to all places because not all places are built to serve the same person but I felt that as I grade them I would take into account certain things. Maybe at some point I will back grade previous cities but I felt why not grade Whitehorse first, Fort McMurray would be more appropriate but oh well it has to start somewhere.

I decided make this similar to my 1-5 C rating system that I use with movies, music and books but while I want to keep those fluid its with cities where every C means something if that makes sense. With music, movies or books I am only really spending at most a day (with books maybe more but accumulating time is a day or so) with what I was rating so the grade is very simple. With a city and so many moving parts plus I am spending more than a day there in most cases I want to be more in depth in my ratings. Hopefully you will get it once I start, again this is just a test anyways.

There are five categories (5 Cs) I grade a city or place on.

C - Transportation/Transit - How easy is it for someone who don’t live there to get around without having to get a taxi. Is there transit, is it easy to use? Can one bike there and is it easy to obtain a bike? Can one get around well enough just by walking?

The best example of a city that would get a full C on this would be Köln or Berlin. Both cities are very walkable if you want, both cities have a very robust transit system to where you can bus or train anywhere you want. Both cities are pretty bikeable to if you want to do that. Unless you are going around in the middle of the night you can get around without a car.

Worst example would be Toronto even though they would sit get a half C because it is still a very bikeable city, transit can take you anywhere you want to go and get you there fairly quickly it is just very confusing to use and expensive.

C - Vibe - What is the attitude like of the city. When you are a stranger of the city its pretty easy to look like a tourist or a stranger. First impressions still are everything and they are to me when I am in a new place. Whenever I meet a tourist in Vancouver I always try to treat it like I am representing my country and my city because in many ways you are. How you treat a new person is telling how others are and if you ruin it for them their opinion often ruins the city for them.

I could use examples but I think this one is pretty self explanatory.

 C - Food - Originally it was going to be bread because normally every city at least in Europe does their own bread but North America basically just borrows from Europe so I decided to just make it food. This one is fairly fluid in one way its a grade of the distinct to local cuisine and in another way it is a grade on the food selection. I could still give a city a high grade if they only serve one kind of food as long as it is unique to their culture while I can give a high grade to another city not because they have a unique food style but because they have so many food options.

C - Things to do - Could be architecture, could be exploitability of the city. Basically how fun is it to get lost in the place. For a new comer would it be fun to just get lots and not have to worry about anything like boredom or getting mugged. How much fun can you have here is basically the grading here.

Best example of a god grade is Toronto, there is no way you can be bored there. There is just so much one can do and go and I spent almost 5 days there and I only scratched the surface. Example of a bad grading would be Cork, Ireland. Though to be fair I didn’t both really doing anything there because I was recovering from travel fatigue but looking into what the city had to offer there wasn’t very much.

C - Beer - Every city has their own beer in this day in any, either the city has their own or their country has their own unless we are in a 3rd world country or a very strict anti liquor country every city has their take on beer. One can have no brewery but if they have a great selection they helps, one could have a ton of excellent breweries but if none had great beer it may not mean anything. You want to win this grade have a great selection of good and affordable beer either by your own creation or by importing of other places. No beer, very little beer or expensive beer means bad grade.

So lets start with Whitehorse.

I give transportation a half C; while I was not a fan of how infrequent the transit was there coming around only once and hour and closed on Sundays but it does get you around if you know where you need to go and it gets you there no problem. This city is bikeable too as well as there are bike trails that get you to and from the city centre. Plus the city is small, you can walk from one end of the city to the other in around an hour, i am talking the main area not the separated areas but even then you could get from one end to the other walking. Transit is bare bones but you can get around if you need to.

Vibe I would give a full C; everyone I met here was nice and gracious to me. I did not meet one bad apple here (outside of that snob woman but I dont count here as a local). Given with how much of a mining city this place was and how being secluded from everyone else can often make you made or crazy Whitehorse people carry it extremely well, they carry it far better than Fort Mac people do/did that is for fucking sure. This is a easy grade to get from me, you would really have to have miserable people in your city to make me grade you low on this one.

For things to do I could give Whitehorse 2/3 of a C, I thought a half but it is not really fair. You can’t compare Whitehorse to Toronto, Paris, Berlin or so many other cities like that because those places are huge compared to Whitehorse. If I was to grade Whitehorse just on it as a city a half C would be me going soft on them because quite honestly you could do everything in Whitehorse in a day if you were just coming down for the museums, the city itself and the beer. A day would be enough to get the whole gist of it. I can see people getting bored out of their minds here if they had a city mentality. However Whitehorse brings something that those cities I mentioned don’t have; nature. Look at the landscape pictures I posted this city is surrounded by forest and hiking galore. Whitehorse was and I think will forever be a outpost type city where people come to get the stuff they need then head out to the wilderness to either unwinds or do whatever they wish. You can’t get that with many or any metropolitan cities. In Whitehorse it’s less than an hour away.

Food is where I would have to give it it’s lowest grade at 1/3. That does not mean there is bad food in Whitehorse, that is far from the truth because I had lots of good bar food in Whitehorse and the fudge was excellent. However there was not very many distinct choices for someone to eat. If I was a vegan eating here I would be hard pressed to find dishes I liked here, vegetarian it would be possible but still tricky to find places. There is some variety but compared to other places there is very little variety. But have fudge at Midnight Sun, it is fucking divine. Next I do come down I am definitely having the bison burger too.

Lastly is beer, I didn’t have high expectations because this city has 2 breweries and it is a small city again I thought of when I lived in Fort Mac which even then is probably not fair for them now since the beer industry has changed so drastically in Canada as a whole since I moved to BC (even Vancouver was nearly a Canadian or Kokanee place when i got here) but I was expecting not very much felt that the grading of this would depend on the beers of these two breweries. I would up being surprised; the liquor stores and bars for the most part (at least the Dirty Northerner Bar) had a great selection of beers. They had Toronto be dead to rights that for sure. I couldn’t go to the Winterlong brewery because that was too out of my way but I had most of their beers at the Dirty Northerner Bar and I liked them again better than Toronto. Yukon Brewery was no better, none of their beers really stood out to me though but their tour was great, service was great and for the most part all their beers were very drinkable. If they served that beer here I would feel more than comfortable suggesting a Yukon Gold or what not to a fellow beer fan to try. That is why I give it 3/4. A perfect grade would mean I would have to fall in love with their beer and while I had no problem flirting and having one night stands with their beer, that is as far as I go with them.

So in the end Whitehorse get 31/4 Cs on the Corey Scale which when compared to how I grade movies, music or books makes the city seem like it was ok but I don’t need to go there but in terms of how i grade cities I dunno I guess I think it makes it more harder for one to really have a perfect grade. To be honest I thought Whitehorse was a great city to visit to be honest. I would be more likely to go to Whitehorse than to Toronto or even Seattle and I didn’t mind Seattle. However there is not much for one like me to do there past two days unless I wanted to camp there but honesty I live in Vancouver which also has vibrant wilderness just an hour away so I would not need to go to Whitehorse for it. I would return for the beer, atmosphere, fudge and for what I feel the city brings best and that is an escape.

Its not your average tourist destination; if you come here a day or two is enough for the city, to get the most of the place it would be out in the forest. That is what operates this city and what it brings that other places don’t have. I would recommend this city, don’t let the weather scare you. Sure if you came in the winter time of course you are going to get the very cold weather but if that is your thing you will have just as much fun as you would coming in the summer like I sort of did. Whitehorse is cool and if you are looking for a place with a mix of city and wilderness with a whole lot of nice people and decent drink to be had then Whitehorse is worth checking out.

Next week will be my hometown which I haven’t seen in at least 10 years maybe more. It will be interesting to explore this city now as a man and not a boy or a teen. Shazbot nano nano

[kb9-ships-mistercriky]

Linkin Park, Kerrang! January 23, 2008

[You have to read all this. I’m crying. Chester, Mike and the guys are so amazing!]

PHOENIX, ARIZONA, 1992. A thin, wiry kid – 115 pounds of sinew and bone – sits in a friend’s house, “the place where we used to crash,” he says now. Around him is the detritus of a normal day: wraps of speed, opium, booze and weed.

Suddenly the door bursts open, members of the “Mexican Mafia” swagger into the room, guns at their side. Someone starts to say something; the butt of a gun to the side of his head the reply. Someone else gets pistol-whipped for good measure, the better to keep order.

They want money, these gangsters, and they get it. Pointing guns, they sweep through the house taking cash, what meagre valuables there are, and the bike parked out front. The bike belonging to one Chester Bennington, sitting cowering inside. His internal monologue: “This isn’t cool. I’ve got to change my ways, I’ve got to stop the drugs. I’ve got to change my life.”

The story that led him to that life had been just as ugly.

“I STARTED getting molested when I was about seven or eight,” says Bennington, now. “It was by a friend who was a few years older than me. It escalated from a touchy, curious, ‘what does this thing do’ into full-on, crazy violations. I was getting beaten up and being forced to do things I didn’t want to do. It destroyed my self-confidence.

“Like most people, I was too afraid to say anything. I didn’t want people to think I was gay or that I was lying. It was a horrible experience. The sexual assaults continued until I was 13.”

Thoughts whirring around his head, he would sit alone in his room, his parents having divorced when he was 11 years’ old. His older brother and one sister had left home, his other sister was never around. Left in his father’s custody – a police detective pulling endless double shifts – he was virtually ignored, no-one to confide to.

“It was an awful time. I hated everybody in my family: I felt abandoned by my mom, my dad was not very emotionally stable then, and there was no-one I could turn to – at least that’s how my young mind felt. The only thing I wanted to do was kill everybody and run away.”

Instead, he drew pictures and wrote poetry – reams and reams of the stuff, all in the form of songs, all with verses, with choruses and all with the intention of making sense of his feelings. On the stereo in the background would be Depeche Mode and the Stone Temple Pilots; in the future would be Grey Daze, Bennington’s first band, and then would come the music that would save his life.

“The relationship I had with that band was the first time I felt I had a connection with anybody. I knew those guys would back me up. From then on, I started getting some confidence back. The problem was, I also found a good way to escape the abuse of my past. Getting high, drinking a lot and having sex with a lot of great girls is a pretty good escape.”

And so, what started out as a way to fit in, a way to block out his childhood, soon became a raging habit.

“I took everything. I got really, really bad. Until I was 16, I was doing a ton of LSD and a lot of drinking. Then, when we couldn’t find acid, we turned to speed because it was cheap and it worked really, really well. I got really bad, really quickly. On a normal day, my friends and I would go through an eight-ball. We were smoking it in bongs – I was doing bong-hits of meth. It was ridiculous. Then we’d smoke opium to come down, or we’d take pills, or I’d drink so much that I’d shit my pants. It was not pretty.”

GANGSTERS OR not, Bennington’s wake-up call was inevitable. Aged 17, he moved back in with his mother who was so shocked by his emaciated, drugged-out appearance that she banned him from leaving the house. He took to drinking heavily and smoking weed to ward off the cravings from his speed-ravaged body. Soon he was, he admits, “a full-blown, raging alcoholic. In later years, the drinking would come to take over my life.”

Yet despite all this, Grey Daze would continue to gather momentum. They would open for any national act coming through Phoenix, they could sell out 2,000 seater venues on their own, they could, as Bennington remembers, “Sign autographs from the minute we finished playing until they closed the venue”.

They released two albums to huge local acclaim – but, crucially, to very little national interest. “We had a grungey sound and, though I’m proud of the songs, there wasn’t anything super original about most of them,” says Bennington. It was a lack of interest that led to arguments, the gradual dissolution of the band inevitable.

So it was that, aged 22, Chester Bennington found himself married, working at a digital services firm, and with a future that pointed anywhere but towards music. He didn’t know it, but his 23rd birthday would change his life.

HUNDREDS OF miles away, in Los Angeles, were five musicians who could not have cared less who Chester Bennington was. Ensconced in a practice studio, all they wanted to do was to work out how to blend hip-hop and rock, and to have fun while they were doing it.

Centred on the childhood friends Mike Shinoda and Mark Wakefield, they had met when Wakefield introduced Shinoda to members of his High-School hardcore band – drummer Rob Bourdon and guitarist Brad Delson. Soon Delson’s college roommate, guitarist and bassist Dave ‘Phoenix’ Farrell, was hanging out with them too, before a college friend of Shinoda’s – Joe Hahn – also joined in. Their name: Xero.

“We would write a lot more than we played,” says Shinoda now. “A lot of bands rush their songs, and go out and play a ton of shows; we spent weeks and weeks on the music, and probably only played one or two shows a month.”

“We definitely weren’t polished but we had a lot of potential,” adds Farrell. “We only really played shows as an excuse to get our friends together for a party afterwards. In the early stages, it wasn’t about getting a record deal. But the more we played, the more we realised we might have a chance.”

Their demo began doing the rounds of LA’s A+R men, most of whom passed on Xero quickly. One though, Zomba’s Jeff Blue, heard enough to persuade him to keep in touch with the band. But despite this, Wakefield began to drift away. Now working in management with the likes of Deftones, his amicable departure left Shinoda in something of a predicament.

“I never pretended I could carry the vocals on my own,” he admits. “I had these great melodies in my head, and I couldn’t get them across. I wanted to find someone who could do them justice.”

They handed their demo to Blue, among others, and asked him to send it out. Then sat back and hoped for a bite.

CHESTER BENNINGTON picked up the phone, on 20 March, 1999 – his 23rd birthday – and found Jeff Blue on the line. “I'm going to give you your big break. I have a great band for you,” he said. “I’m going to mail you a demo.”

“He told me he they had a hip-hop meets rock thing going on,” says Bennington. “I wasn’t really into the hip-hop thing but I told him to send it anyway. The music was really cool and the band were very talented but I knew I could do it better. I went into a studio and cut my vocals over their demo the very next day. That was a Saturday and on Sunday I called Jeff Blue back and said: ‘I’m done, when should I come out?’ He laughed and said: ‘No, we need you to record some vocals before sending it to us.’

“I was really cocky, so I put the tape in my stereo, pushed the phone to the speaker, played him 15 seconds of the song and went, ‘Is that good enough for you?’ He went, ‘When can you be here?’ The next day, I was on the steps of Zomba Music at 9am, waiting for the doors to open.”

But though Blue thought Bennington was the man for the job, the band had other ideas. Having already lined up a set of auditions with other singers, they were reluctant to just hand Bennington the mic.

“It was really awkward because, as I met them, they were auditioning people,” says Bennington. “In between the auditions, I would sing with them but then we’d have to stop because another guy would turn up. I just had to sit there and watch them audition someone else. I was thinking, ‘You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!’

“They seemed very indecisive, as though they were always looking for something a little better. Personally, I thought I was the best thing they were going to find. I had been in a band for along time and we had been quite well known, so I thought I was a big deal. I thought I was doing them a favour and they were looking at me like as just some other guy they might consider. I thought they were crazy, I seriously contemplated telling them to fuck off.”

His bemusement can only have deepened on seeing his competition.

“There was one guy who never wore shoes, and he told us he wanted to do stand-up comedy during our show,” laughs Shinoda. “When I met Chester, my first impression was that he seemed smaller that I thought. He was really skinny, with glasses, and he was wearing this awful butterfly collar shirt that hung all over him. It made him look like a cheesy guy from an Arizona nightclub bar. But his vocals on our demo were incredible. He sang like a fucking beast, the same way he sings now.”

The job was his.

FROM THEN on, they worked feverishly on their music. Now known as Hybrid Theory, they rehearsed intensively. Shinoda would first work with Delson on the music before he and Bennington would write lyrics – often dredging up painful memories from Bennington’s childhood.

“There really wasn’t any room for bashfulness,” says Shinoda. “Some of his lyrics addressed that stuff [the sexual abuse], so when he and I were talking about the songs, he told me about it. It was a weird way to get to know each other, but that’s how it happened.”

Bennington, meanwhile, was homeless in LA. Despite owning a house in Phoenix, he was forced to sleep on his new bandmates’ sofas, in his car and then at a rehearsal studio.

“It was tough,” says Bennington. “I was fucking miserable. The only thing that was keeping me going was knowing we had something special going on. I knew this was the one.”

He, Shinoda and the rest of the band would go online when not working on their music, posting mp3 files and generating interest from fans on internet message boards. But, despite favourable responses there, Hybrid Theory still couldn’t get a record company interested.

“We played over 50 showcases for label guys,” says Bennington. “We got turned by everybody multiple times. We were thinking: ‘You guys have to be out of your minds, we’re awesome!’”

And then they got their break – old friend Jeff Blue was hired by the Warner Brothers A+R department and made Hybrid Theory his first signing. Their luck was about to change… or so they thought.

TO DATE, Linkin Park’s debut album has sold over 24 million copies worldwide. Last year it was certified Diamond (10 million copies) in the US alone. But when they signed to Warner Brothers in 2000, the record company weren’t even sure they wanted them on their books.

“[Some people there] hated us,” says Bennington. “I don’t mean that lightly. Literally fucking <i>hated</i> us.”

The first problem was the name Hybrid Theory. Another recent signing to Warners, a band called Hybrid, were considered the next big thing, forcing Hybrid Theory to change their name to Linkin Park. The next problem was their music. As they started pre-production work with Don Gilmore, the producer told them he didn’t like any of their songs.

“Well, actually he liked two – Points Of Authority and With You,” says Bennington. “We basically had to write a new record in two months. We stayed at Mike’s house around the clock and wrote that album.”

But there were further – and far more serious – problems ahead. Bennington claims he was told he "the star" and that Linkin Park should be his band. Shinoda would be relegated to just being the keyboard player or, worse, jettisoned. Bennington resisted immediately: “I said, ‘Fuck you guys. Are you serious? I’ve only just got into the band, and you’re telling me to start a coup against the guy who writes all the music? It’s <i>his</i> band. If he could sing, I wouldn’t have a job. You fucking idiots, what’s wrong with you?’

“Then they wanted to bring in this other rapper, a reggae guy called Matt Lyons. After that, they told Mike to try and rap like Fred Durst. It was like, are we on the same fucking planet here? Suck our dicks!”

“We cut off all communications with the label unless absolutely necessary,” adds Shinoda. “At the end of it all, we stood our ground and essentially told everybody, ‘We’re going to do this all on our own, our way. If you don’t like it, you can drop us, we’ll take that risk’. When we finished that record, I felt like we had run a marathon. I remember thinking, ‘I can’t believe we did that.’ It was exhaustion and pride.”

FOUR MONTHS later, on 23 October 2000, the band found themselves in Washington State just outside Seattle. Their debut album would be released the next day and, thanks to the support of the Warner Bros radio pluggers, its songs had been riding high on the airwaves. Bassist Phoenix Farrell, who had missed the recording process after temporarily leaving the band to fulfil a commitment to his old band Tasty Snax, had rejoined.

Parked outside a 24hr record store, waiting to go in on the stroke of midnight to buy the first copy of their new album, they started dreaming about what Hybrid Theory might sell in its first week of release.

“I thought it would be awesome if it sold 3,000 copies,” says Farrell. “I thought that was something to build on. But Chester said he thought it would sell 8,000 copies. My gut reaction to that was panic. You’ve got to set your expectations high but you don’t want to be stupid.”

In fact, by the end of that first week, Hybrid Theory had sold 47,000 copies, “and we all just went, ‘Holy shit!’” says Bennington.

For the next 12 months, if you wanted to get in touch with members of Linkin Park, you would have to have scoured the globe for them. In the 365 days following the release of Hybrid Theory, Farrell estimates that the band played a shade over 300 gigs. “We were averaging about five or six shows a week and then travelling too. I think I only spent about 30 nights in my own bed that year.”

And everywhere they went, they were hailed as a success story, as the leaders of the nu-metal movement. It was not a tag that sat comfortably on their shoulders.

“We never liked it.  People lazily slapped that label on bands like us, but we never shared much in common with most of the bands we were grouped with,” says Shinoda. “We didn’t have the same interests, goals, musical influences, or sound.  I felt like we weren’t from the same scene.”

Elsewhere, including in this magazine, there was other criticism – that Linkin Park hadn’t earned their success, that they were a flash in the pan, that they were a boy-band put together by their label.

“Certain people hated us,” remembers Bennington. “They said, ‘Who’s this fucking Backstreet Boys rock band? Look at these white kids singing and rapping about how hard life is!’ I felt I had to defend myself against that stuff, we had to fight from that point on.”

“Those rumours were totally untrue, but it’s what happens when a band finds success; this was our first taste of it,” says Shinoda. “We tried to tell ourselves that it was complimentary, that they were just saying, ‘it’s too good to be true,’ but to be honest, we were a little bitter that magazines like Kerrang! would have our backs one minute and then would turn on us quickly without doing their proper research on a bullshit rumour.”

BUT THERE were deeper problems than just that. As their tour rumbled on across Europe and then the rest of the world, they hit morale-snapping lows.

“We followed winter around the globe for almost a year, it was raining or snowing everywhere we went, and we were getting exhausted,” say Shinoda.

“To be touring in front of larger and larger crowds across the world was incredible,” adds Farrell. “The experience was simultaneously rewarding but absolutely draining too. I’m glad I did it, but I never want to have to do it again.”

More worryingly, Bennington was beginning to feel ever more estranged from his new bandmates.

“I was drinking a lot then,” he admits. “I was smoking pot and that segregated me from the rest of the band because they didn’t smoke. I didn’t feel like I was connected with the guys, we didn’t feel like close friends. Also, my then wife and I were at each other’s throats constantly. It was a pretty miserable experience.”

So fragile and notorious were Bennington’s moods that the rest of Linkin Park would actively avoid speaking to him about anything inflammatory, further forcing him to the sidelines.

“I felt like I was doomed to be this lonely person,” says Bennington. “I thought I would never have a fulfilling relationship with anyone. I thought the only friends I had were Jack Daniels and Mary Jane. At that time, I never performed a show completely sober, I was always smoking weed right up until the moment we went onstage. Immediately after we finished the show, I’d go and get hammered.”

AS 2001 became 2002, Linkin Park’s schedule became ever more relentless. Remarkably, in the precious downtime they had, Mike Shinoda managed to remix most of Hybrid Theory for the Reanimation project – pulling in contributions from the likes of Black Thought, Jonathan Davis and Aaron Lewis while he was at it. And, while the project was occasionally criticised by rock fans as a cash-in, the album met with critical acclaim in hip-hop circles.

“I thought I was just going to do a remix or two, and other people were going to do all the work,” remembers Shinoda. “I ended up overseeing the whole thing and juggling over 30 artists’ work and schedule. I vowed never to do it again!”

Barely pausing for breath, the band went straight back into the studio with Don Gilmore, this time to record their second album Meteora – with the success of their first album a weight hanging around their necks.

“There was pressure on us,” admits Farrell. “No matter what we did, we knew it would probably be considered a disappointment. Clearly, there was no way we could repeat the insanity of Hybrid Theory.”

Its release, on 25 March 2003, was greeted with both commercial and critical success – though there were those who claimed that rather than develop their sound, Linkin Park had found a successful modus operandi and stuck to it. It’s something, retrospectively, that Bennington admits too.

“Within the band, we call Hybrid Theory and Meteora Volumes I and II,” he says. “They’re very similar in a lot of ways. There’s almost a formula to them, you can tell what each song is going to do next.”

“But, on the other hand,” counters Shinoda, “we wanted to further define and evolve our sound as well. A song like Breaking The Habit, for example, could never have existed on Hybrid Theory; it was a more mature song, lyrically and sonically. When I listen to that album now, I think it has its strengths and weaknesses. There are things that sound really stiff to me now but I love it for the period in time it represents for us.”

Then, once again, Linkin Park hit the road, without stopping for another two years.

“FOR FOUR or five years, we went at a hundred miles an hour,” says Farrell. “At the end of that, we needed a break. By the end of 2004, we were about to burn out.”

While Mike Shinoda found time to both oversee the band’s mash-up collaboration with rapper Jay-Z and to release his own solo record, Fort Minor, the rest of Linkin Park found themselves worn out as they finished the Meteora touring cycle.

It was perhaps Chester Bennington who was in the worst position. Trapped in a marriage that was no longer working, and drinking more and more heavily, he was in a bad way.

“I wasn’t leaving my house. I’d shack up in my closet in the dark and shake all day. I’d wake up and have a pint of Jack Daniels to calm down, then I’d pop a bunch of pills and go back in my closet and fucking freak out for the rest of the day. I was a mess. I was falling through windows, having seizures and going to hospital the whole time. It was fucking ridiculous. I was a total wreck.

“Eventually I just gave in. I had to give up and ask for help. If I had tried to do it on my own, I wouldn’t have made it. But everybody came to my rescue.”

He sobered up, divorced, and remarried, opening himself up to the rest of his band during emotional counselling sessions in the meantime. Forced to examine his behaviour over the past few years, he crumpled in front of his bandmates.

“I had no idea I had been such a nightmare,” he says. “I didn’t realise how much my drinking and drug use was affecting the people around me. It was a shock and I’ve done everything possible to stay sober since. That’s made a huge difference to my relationship with the band. We all hang out now because they actually want to be around me. That’s a huge deal for me.”

THE NEW atmosphere in the Linkin Park camp led to a renewed creativity. Though the writing process for third album Minutes To Midnight was both lengthy and complicated, what emerged on the other side was a new band, “a band free to do what we like,” as Bennington puts it.

While Shinoda admits there was an obvious temptation to repeat the formula – and thus the success – of their first two albums, he says Linkin Park are in a far healthier place for redefining their sound along side new producer Rick Rubin.

“We sold 35 million records of that old sound,” he says. “Saying that we wanted to leave it behind and make something new and equally good was horrifying but thrilling. We were prepared for complete backlash. ‘Where’s Hybrid Theory?  Where’s Meteora?’ and we got some of that but, finishing that album, was the first time since Hybrid Theory that I had that particular mixed feeling of exhaustion and pride.”

It’s an album that went to Number 1 in 23 of the countries in which it was released, whose singles have gone Top Ten in virtually every territory and whose sales have taken Linkin Park’s total album sales past the 45 million mark.

As they once again stride out across the globe, from continent to continent, enormodome to enormodome, Chester Bennington stops for a minute to look back.

“After everything we’ve been through to get here, we’re in the best place we could possibly be.” He stops for just one more second. “We couldn’t be enjoying ourselves more.”

[Source]

[2019dclmed]

Embarkation Day!

Embarkation Day - Saturday, May 25, 2019

Hola Disney Magic!

The alarms went off promptly at 7:30am. It wasn’t great sleep, but we each felt a bit better. Since we were already dressed (in the only clothes we had), we returned the adapters and requested a taxi. There was some miscommunication with the taxi initially, but we arrived back at BCN right around 9am, when the make-or-break flight was to be landing. 

Kara: A note here on Barcelona taxis.  The drivers are all extremely pleasant and helpful.  They load and unload bags without hesitation.  I was really impressed with how convenient and comfortable I felt.  Again, having not traveled much internationally, taxi drivers often create my first impression of any city I visit and Barcelona’s were a pleasure.

We went to the baggage carousel, as we didn’t know if they would arrive normally or be pulled for the office due to our inquiry (if they arrived at all). It felt like forever, as so many similar bags spilled out - none of them ours. 

Then finally Kara thought she spotted mine. As she went to check, I spotted hers! Happy tears and relieved hugs for everyone! 

Right in the middle of baggage claim we flung open our bags, found clothes for embarkation (as it had turned rainy, cool, & windy) and our toiletry bags. We changed in the nearby bathroom and did what we could with make-up on the awaiting benches. We stowed our dinner clothes in our carry-ons (as you often don’t get your checked bags delivered to your stateroom until very near or during Main Dining time). We left for the port by 10:45am and arrived at the port just past 11am! Plenty of people had already checked in and our small Platinum line went fairly quickly. (At this point, we didn’t care! We were there with all our things!) 

Kara: This is my first time in the Platinum line on my own!  YAY!!!!

We got our requested dining table for 2 and dining rotation, even though the request was added just 4 days ago. (We know we put this in during New Year’s, but I discovered by near accident the note had been deleted in the Disney Cruise Line system.) We also reviewed the Welcome Aboard paper Personal Navigator to learn they were not doing the “double evening show” schedule like last season and note the changes for us personally.

Kara: Gayle does a LOT of planning to figure out the ideal dining rotation, including Palo and then to put in those requests for a table on our own.  While I know some people go onto cruises to meet other people, that’s not me.  As Brene Brown says in her Netflix special, “I love humanity - I’m only so-so on people.”  So, when Gayle says we got our requested dining rotation, I have to give her Kudos because LARLARL with Palo on the first day at Sea was absolutely perfect.

Boarding began 11:30/11:45am, which was a bit surprising since they were just coming off the Transatlantic sailing. We skipped the embarkation photo and were the first ones to arrive on the left side of Cabanas for lunch. AHHH!!! Finally, having good food and taking deep breaths, we let all the stress bleed-off. 

I wrote most of this in Cove Cafe awaiting our room to be ready. It stayed chilly, cloudy, with spotted rain, so at this point we weren’t sure our shorts would ever see the light of day. (Note I packed 3 pair of shorts & only 2 pair of jeans….)

Kara: I tried to do a little writing in Cove Cafe but even with a Cafe Mocha in me, I dozed off.  Pretty sure this was the first unflattering photo she took of me sleeping.  What can I say, it’s what Monroe’s do when we sit down.  We do something or we sleep.

At promptly 1:30pm we headed to our stateroom (#6644) on the Disney Magic. 

We were greeted by our stateroom host and soon informed a brand new sofa bed with fold-down top-bunk had just been installed earlier that day. (Traditionally, the top bunks come down from the ceiling or fold down from the wall. This one was free-standing, mounted to the wall. It took up about another 8” of the room, but shows Disney Cruise Line is working to keep accommodating larger families. This room would usually max at 3 guests, but could now welcome 4.) 

A fruit basket was already in the room. We didn’t know why and thought perhaps it was our Platinum Castaway Club loyalty gift, even though they usually give you a choice for that. (More on this mystery later.) 

The 24 bottles of water (Evian!) Kara ordered were already unpackaged in the room as well. (We agreed with all our Port Adventures trying to keep our Contegos filled with the Deck 9 drink station wouldn’t suffice.)

The TV remote was dead, but was immediately replaced by our stateroom host, Suartana (Tana). We also took time to get more familiar with the Disney Cruise Line App that recently got a significant update, along with the new on-demand TV options. (FYI you could ask for paper Navigator’s at Guest Services, but it’s obvious they are all but dead in that format.) And FYI in case anyone needs a look at the current outlets at the desk:

They also now provide a heat pad to protect the desk from curling irons, flat irons, etc. Nice!

Soon Room Service called asking which option we wanted for the Platinum Castaway Club gift - cheese platter, fruit basket, or box of chocolate truffles. Of course I asked for the truffles, but not to deliver until final Day at Sea, (as we now consume them on the way home). Note I didn't even pause to ask Kara’s opinion since this was her first Platinum cruise. Whoops. So then what is this fruit basket for? We still didn’t know. My only guess was a special request from a new work acquaintance? 

We arrived to the Muster Drill early to ensure we got seats. So this gave us time to snap some pics of a few updated decor items outside Animator’s Palate.

Due to the weather and having listened to the new “Sail-A-Wave” boarding party, we skipped it. (It seems more family/kid focused and less adult than the previous iteration.)

Kara’s check bag arrived soon, so she unpacked, while I unpacked my carry-on as I awaited my checked bag. We changed clothes for dinner. My bag arrived just prior to dinner. For the first time ever we did Main (6pm on this sailing) Dining, due primarily to all the early call Port Adventures we’d have later in the week. Tonight we met our Head Server Munir, Server Anwil (India), & Assistant Server, Joe (Thailand).

Our rotation started in Lumiere’s, so I got my usual chilled appetizer of shrimp & lobster and an entree of salmon (instead of the lobster pasta). The salmon was meh. Kara got the Farmhouse Salad and steak. I kicked off the cruise with my customary two Grand Marnier Soufflés (with a bit of an upset tummy later) and Kara had the apple tartan. 

Near the end of dinner Officer Zoe (England) stopped by to introduce herself and mentioned the card in our stateroom (that came with the fruit basket). When I asked her about it, she responded it is due to the fact we are on the VIP List for this cruise. EXCUSE ME, WHAT?! Zoe said she would be checking in with us each night and to just call her direct number if we needed anything. (Zoe is the assistant to the Hotel Director, Lisa, who oversees all of the stateroom and dining sections of the ship.)

The shops were packed and our initial perusal indicated nothing to be excited about. Sad. We also stopped by the piano bar, Keys, and were unimpressed with the lounge entertainment.

We decided to skip the 8:45pm “Welcome Aboard” stage show that we’d seen plenty of times and instead went back to the stateroom to unpack. At some point we also discovered part of our VIP status meant we also had slippers and the most amazing DIsney Cruise Line robes in our stateroom! (FYI you can purchase these robes, but they are outrageously expensive. Sad.) By 9pm our eyelids were falling shut, which was understandable based on the prior two days! 

Disclaimer: Gayle is a travel agent with Authorized Disney Travel Planner agency - Off to Neverland Travel. Contact me today for a no-obligation quote!

Next up: Day at Sea

[willswalkabout]

New Zealand. I've put off writing this blog for an obscenely long period of time. And it really isn't that I didn't have the opportunity. I think I just know it takes time so it does become daunting, and this only increases as the amount to get in also becomes greater. Technically it's now been a day under 3 weeks since I last posted (at the time of writing). I'm sitting in a hut on the Kepler track so won't be able to post till tomorrow night at the earliest. The plan is to split it into 3 but we'll see how it goes. When I last wrote I was about to land in Auckland and join up with Ellen so I'll pick up from there. I got into Auckland very late and then exiting the airport took ages as my tent had to go through customs. It had been tightly wrapped for storage but was returned to me in one massive pile of material, as they'd had to somehow inspect every inch. Eventually I got an uber to the air BnB Ellen was staying in. She'd had the last two nights on the island of Waiheke, with some contacts called Nick and Beth, who I hope to visit later in the trip. The next day we started a 9 day road trip to Queenstown, during which we would cover a total of 1418 miles. The descriptions of these days may seem pretty lightweight, but there was often a lot of driving. We learnt to embrace this and just enjoy the stunning scenery, but this acceptance was not immediate. Day 1 we picked up the car and trying to do a decent amount of shopping that would hopefully cover us for the majority of the trip. We drove to our campsite on the South side of lake Taupo, via a visit to the Huka falls. The campsite was really nice and though we'd actually had a booking for the day before we successfully convinced the campsite this wasn't the case and managed to keep the night. My all in one stove was used for the first time since early September, to great success as we dined on mushroom risotto. Day 2 we drove to Wellington, one of NZ's 3 biggest cities. We would have been doing the volcanic Tongariro crossing however sadly the weather meant it was closed. Wellington is supposed to be quite young and hip however sadly we didn't get to indulge in this culture due to the long drive. We did however visit New Zealand's national museum which had some very impressive exhibitions on their immigration history, as well as involvement at Gallipoli. We stayed the night at our weirdest air BnB experience. The house belonged to an elderly man who had appeared to have resorted to living and sleeping in his living room so that all his bedrooms could be rented out. However this meant that the wardrobes were full of his clothes, and stuffed toys filled the property. It was a little creepy, and after a long days driving we took advantage that evening of NZ having cheap dominos. Having spoken to people later in the trip it seems Wellington was not done justice and I would like to return. Day 3 involved getting the 9am ferry across the Cook Straight, to Picton on the South Island. It's quite an expensive crossing when you're taking a car, however the 4 hours are beautiful, especially as you meander into Picton harbour, a route which is hard to describe in words so I'd advise looking up Picton on a map. The ferry had a couple of nice restaurants and we got chips, before disembarking to drive along the stunning Queen Charlotte's drive. It is viewpoint after viewpoint as you begin to round the island's north coast, making it sometimes difficult to keep your eyes on the road. We drove to a beautiful Department of Conservation (DOC) campsite which was practically deserted. We also made a trip to the beautiful Cable Bay beach, with white sand deceptively cold water. After stocking up on supplies in Nelson we went back and made some pretty decent pasta that night. Day 4 was a very long drive to Abel Tasman, probably the only real disappointment of the trip. Though it was fun to pick up a German hitchhiker for part of the day, the drive was long and windy, and what met us at the end was a tad underwhelming. This campsite was also empty but felt like it would be packed during the summer. I had read about opportunities to rent kayaks and do other watersport activities, however on consulting the workers of the campsite this is a summer season thing, and nobody comes with the kit when they are not going to be in demand. We did do one beach walk before making some noodles and going to bed before we were eaten alive by the resident sand flies. Day 5 and we had to get to Punakaiki on the north west coast. The five hour drive was daunting at first but turned out to be very manageable, assisted by good ice cream about half way through. We both loved Punakaiki and its famous 'pancake rocks', which look like a stack of American variety. There was a beautiful prehistoric looking beach where it was overlooked by a dense rainforest. We managed to use the shadows created by the sunset to take some awesome photos, and had a very lazy pot noodle for dinner. There was a massive Aussie cub camp group at the campsite, whose antics and irritation of the leaders provided amusement. Day 6 we drove down the Franz Josef Glacier. We stopped on the way to do a short walk in the town of Ross, known for its gold mining past. We also bought some chocolate hot cross buns, something I've found many of in Australia and New Zealand, for the trip. After 3 consecutive nights camping and with 2 more to come we decided to take a night off and stay in a hostel. We chose a good one too, as we ended up getting a 4 bed dorm all to ourselves, and were able to wash our clothes and use their fully kitted out kitchen. The 1 hour walk to the glacier was a whole experience in itself, and added yet another landform to our incredibly varied list from NZ so far. We spent the evening chatting to some Germans, who I'm convinced have now overtaken Kiwis in terms of most populous nationality in the country. Day 7 was one of the best drives of the trip, down to Wanaka, past lakes Wanaka and Hawea. We had actually planned to stay at a campsite between the two lakes which didn't need booking. Though on arrival there were no other campers, it was off the highway, and generally had nothing going for it with zero cooking facilities. We chose to drive on to our site in Wanaka and stay for 2 nights. This was the campsite with the best view by a long way, looking out straight onto the lake. Wanaka is a gorgeous lakeside settlement with mostly high end restaurants along the front, with a couple more affordable. We got fish and chips, and a falafel burger. Day 8 was nice as we didn't have to clear out in the morning, having the pitch for 2 nights. We had three plans for the day and in the end only managed about one and a bit. We first planned to paddle board, as Ellen had so enjoyed doing in Waiheke. However the sun was deceiving and instead we settled for a pie, from some shop that had won way to many awards not to be investigated. We did however go to Puzzle World, probably the oddest attraction I have ever seen. It is one pretty odd dude's dream, and is a mixture of illusion rooms and a massive maze. It's hard to describe exactly what the rooms were but they made you feel like you were on a steep slope when in fact you weren't. Whereas another had over 200 concave faces that all followed you around the room as you moved. The maze was also not messing around and was exhausting. We did the 'easy challenge' which was supposed to take a maximum of 90 minutes. We laughed at this estimation, believing ourselves to be decently intelligent. It took us 107. In the afternoon we attempted to do the Roy's peak track. We had massively underestimated its difficulty and duration, as well as Ellen's hamstring situation which is still feeling the effects of a tear suffered last year. That evening we had a massive bowl of pasta and went to bed pretty early. Day 9 marked the end of the trip, and we drove the hour and 15 to Queenstown. We'd booked a hotel for this night, our last before around the 25th July in nearly 4 months time. After a swim in the hotel's pool, we had a short look around the town and went to a great Thai place for dinner. After the past 9 nights accommodation we did also order room service chips solely for the experience. The next morning we had the hotel's buffet breakfast and I dropped Ellen off at the airport for her 11am flight. She was to go to Auckland, followed by a 12 hour layover in Beijing and then home. A total journey time of well over 40 hours. It will be tough not seeing her for so long but I'm also incredibly grateful she made New Zealand work around university holidays, and we had an amazing 10 or so days. In the next post I'll meet up with Eleanor, a school friend, the same day Ellen was dropped off, and spend a few days in Queenstown before the Milford Track.

[asp1990]

Poland Day 5: Thursday December 27th, 2018

I didn’t sleep well last night – I kept waking up and the cats were being annoying. Regardless, I stayed in bed until 9am, when Lachlan woke up.

Groundhog day! I had a coffee and a cinnamon scroll then watched an episode of You. I researched a few things to see in the city centre and was intrigued by the Vodka museum – I tried to see how much an Uber would cost, but the address would not show up on the app and I had to wait until Miki woke up to help me out haha.

I was feeling a wee bit flat this morning after not having spent much time with Lachlan and feeling a bit stuck at home. I whinged to Dad and he reminded me that I was able to leave the house on my own… so I did! I jumped in the shower, found the address for the Polish Uprising Museum and double checked with Miki that the address I had put in to the Uber was correct. The driver was waiting around the corner, which confused me, but once I found him, I was on my way!

The Polish Uprising Museum was absolutely outstanding – it was 25 zlote for a ticket and an additional 10 for an audio tour. The layout, presentation and collation of relics and information was one of the best I have seen in any museum. The stand out things were the replica plane suspended from the roof and the replica sewers underneath (which I was too scared to walk through alone). I thought it was interesting that the information about Hitler and the Nazi parties was literally on display in the basement and there were very small signs showing the way in. There was also a 3D film showing a birds eye view of post-war Warsaw, but it was made in 2004 and maybe not as impressive as it would have been at the time of its release. I was there for about 4 hours and only left because I was hungry.

Things I learnt (and wrote down while I was there so I wouldn’t forget): • Printing presses ran illegally until shut down by authorities shortly after the beginning of WWII. Due to lack of resources, most turned in to posters that were pasted on buildings and foreign radio was used as a means for news updates. Short news reels were also shown at the cinemas. • The Warsaw Ghetto was the biggest until it was shut down and people were transported to extermination camps. The Polish tried to fight, but had no weapons and were too few in numbers. • Insurgent groups that fought to protect Warsaw have plaques and monuments in dedication around the city that is protected with great respect. Flowers are placed on their on the anniversary of the uprising every year. • Christmas Eve 1944 was the only Christmas not to be celebrated in Warsaw, ever, due to the war. • 1.3 mill lived in Poland in 1939, 900 in 1944, only 100 lived amongst the ruins before rebuilding after 1945.

I left the museum at about 4pm and was starving, so walked straight across the road to a weird servo/restaurant combo and ordered some penne with chicken and spinach. I listened to one of my favourite Melbourne-based podcasts and then Lockie called me. He gave me an address to go to and said that he’d meet me there in an hour to take me to dinner with Miki.

15 minutes later, I arrived at Nowy Swiat – a famous street with retail and restaurants. I was aghast when I got out of the Uber and saw that the whole street was decorated in golden fairy lights – it was so beautiful!! I took a few photos, but none of them did it justice. I strolled along, looking for a place to get a mulled wine and also bought some postcards to send home. I found a Pierogi place and was immediately annoyed that I could have had dumplings instead of pasta. Dammit! I would just have to come back.

Lockie met me about half an hour later, took me to his favourite donut shop and we then drove to meet Miki at their favourite ramen restaurant - Vegan Ramen Shop. We had a bit of a disagreement on the way about how little time we’d spent together, but by the time we got to ramen, we had seemed to hash it out. It was a shame to argue, but that’s what happens when you only see each other every 2.5 years.

Ramen was delicious - very different from my favourite place in Melbourne, but still yum. Having had pasta and a donut already, I was not super hungry, but appreciated it all the same. We then drove to the mall and bought tickets to see A Star is Born. I had been jonesing to see it and was glad to have company, as no one in Melbourne wanted to see it with me. Oh man. It was so good. I was beside myself in the last 10 minutes and Miki was the same. Somehow Lockie was able to leave with dry eyes, unlike the rest of the cinema. Even speaking about it on the way home made me well up again. Good work, Bradley Cooper! Gaga will take home best actress for sure.

We got home at 11:30pm, to an apartment full of excited animals. I wrote my blog, Lockie did some work and Miki was on his laptop in their room. With my new-found confidence in leaving the house, I looked up a tourist destination for the next day and then hit the hay.

What a rollercoaster day! Here’s to more adventures tomorrow ☺