#it's one of the things that is so wild about him saying to peggy in ca:tws:

[forcebookish]

god it says so much about steve's character that he fought tooth and nail and didn't hold back AT ALL fighting bucky when the lives of millions (billions? idr) were on the line, was willing to sacrifice them both to his cause and didn't let himself be distracted at all before the mission was complete - but the moment the day was saved, the moment he knew he had done his duty, he was willing to stand down and die for bucky. he knew that bucky was in there somewhere, but he knew the risk for backing down and he did it anyway, after all that fighting. he even dropped his shield, he stopped being captain america so he could be steve again. steve facing bucky, not the winter soldier.

like, yes that shit is love. but the way he's able to compartmentalize it first, and genuinely doesn't let it distract him from saving all those lives, is SUCH an interesting character trait. so much more interesting than whatever the fuck they were doing with him in the avengers movies. because in the end, steve is always about doing what's right FIRST. it's one of the few things that works in ca:cw, because he's not sacrificing anything for bucky. he fundamentally knows that the sokovia accords are Bad and the incarceration of bucky is unethical, and his conviction is so strong that he doesn't hold back - even against a teenager!!! even against his friends and comrades!! what a fascinating character!!!!!!

[r4inyclouds]

You can take Steve Rogers out of the fight, but you can't take the fight out of Steve Rogers.

I heavily recommend putting ya glasses on for this ride of a rant. A... practically an essay on how Steve was out of character in Endgame:

Look, I still wholeheartedly believe that Sam deserves the title of Captain America, but even before that Steve dropped that shield, that title in the Civil War movie, for Bucky, in respect for Tony. Captain America wasn't even his label for years after that. Surprising how many didn't realise Steve in the endgame movie was Nomad, not Captain America.

But, he still fought, didn't he?

So people who say "Steve will always be THE Captain America!!" can go cry about it for all I care. Sam is the hero that he deserves to be. Yet, I suppose we're all entitled to our own opinions.

I don't even think the producers at the time even read the comics they were basing their large franchise on. That Steve in Infinity War wasn't Steve.

He was born a stubborn fighter, he was meant to end as that stubborn fighter we knew from 'The First Avenger'. It's in his nature how he was meant to be articulated as a person. It's in the comics, that hell- I haven't even exactly read most nor possess many of them! It's a joke, a jest; it's funny but not funny 'haha hilarious', but funny, odd, peculiar and perplexing. But from what I've seen from the fans on this side of the debate who have read the comics thoroughly, they all explicitly state that Steve would never do this or abandon anyone. I could, respectively, not care that the MCU was never, and never will be, canon to the comics, but they couldn't even keep one thing, an aspect that's similar or alike in any particular way to the comics, and that's the whole nature and personality of one of their most main focused characters, diverging from the whole point, centre, heart of Steve.

Steve never needed a label that told him he was a hero even when he was some twink before the serum, his whole arch, his whole goal was to become someone who helped, it wasn't from the start to settle down with a woman he was at a high school situation ship with, maybe, just maybe it could've worked if they attempted to even build and develop their relationship for it to make that little sense. Steven Grant Rogers admitted to being that stubborn little thing, and in a sense, he was like that, someone who determined to not be a coward and went against his non-spoken word.

And no, this has nothing to do with the fact I'm a HUGE Stucky shipper, I exclusively tried to avoid talking about Bucky in this half of the rant for a reason. I love Peggy, she's in my top 5, and I love domestic Steggy. It's just it was never right for Steve.

Steve will never, ever be able to run away from what he is. He is THE fight, with or without a useless hero label.

Now since I'm a bucky glazer, and he's my favourite character (I'm putting him in a jar once I get my first-ever Funko pop) I will go on to talk about Steve and Bucky, now, I'd understand if someone would not want to read this part because I'm 'just a wild Stucky shipper!' Who's own priority is trying to keep the ship afloat (I'm also occasionally a Sam x Steve x Bucky shipper but that's besides the point) But in this segment, I will be talking about them in an otherwise platonic sense; it doesn't even need to be romantic for me to say this. And, honestly, if the character of Bucky never existed in this universe, I would've still had this rant on my Tumblr about why Steve leaving is just... odd.

Okay, Steve spent THREE, THREE, I REPEAT THREE, HIS WHOLE DAMN TRILOGY, having at least one huge plot point just purely based on Bucky in each of his movies.

1. He went against whole military orders to get Bucky back, had a whole depression episode thinking he was dead, and then had another depression episode when he died, and then kind of just offed himself after that (Now, am I saying he offed himself for no reason for other than his friend?... yeah, so, there's a deleted scene where Rhodey asks Steve about how he practically died, and why he didn't just jump out into the water before he crashed, I'm tellin' you if you search it up it's there, now, people suspected that the reason it's a deleted scene is that it, well, opens a plot hole, and it just kind of seems like... he killed himself because bucky's dead? Like, ya know, there's no other reason to why he did this. But I might just be reaching there) God. So that point just says a lot about how the producers didn't even think for one second about him going back in time.

2. Nearly got killed by him, but when he figured out it was Bucky he went a berserk kind of insanity and risked his life as he put his trust in a man who was about to knock the shit out of him. Then, like- went for months on end to get Bucky back just because he left him on the side of the beach to not let him drown. Yeah, okay, sir. Also, does everyone just... Like, all silently agree not to talk about how they casually just drop platonic wedding vows to each other in every movie? Like, what do you exactly mean by "I'm with you 'till the end of the line", every time I hear that quote I go "WRITE THIS DOWN, WRITE THIS DOWN!" (not like I'll be getting married though)

3. How am I meant to summarise this with detail without just saying the few words in my mind that would just tell you the whole plot? [Squints eyes, checks notes]... Guess I gotta. 'Bro split Avenger for bro, Avenger no longer, Captain America? No longer for bro, bro picks bro up, bro says wedding vow, bro sad Wakanda.'

Then, now, I apologise sincerely for using this analogy, but he kinda, just, ya know, abruptly left to get the milk. He dropped everything once he got the chance to go back and left poor Bucky wide-eyed like some traumatised puppy with attachment issues they newly developed after shown that much devotion and affection from an owner who'd treat them right, and then was suddenly dropped into a random field of an environment, unfamiliar, they don't recognise it, as they then watch the rustic car they were once rescued from becoming a blur, speeding off into a distance he couldn't possibly ever trace back to. What in the holy fuck was that waste of three movies then.

(DEEP FUCKING BREATHS, RAIN, HOLY SHIT DEEP FUCKING BREATHS)

I hope people can't tell I'm a fanfic writer; this is the shittiest thing I've ever written, I swear my fanfics are more descriptive and crap, but I'm foaming from the mouth right now; I think I permanently disrupted my breathing pattern, well done me.

Sigh, okay, well.

He's a defender for his friends; his bonds double-tied with the strength that could be held within the core of the earth, yet that somehow immediately loosened, cracking the surface, crevice by crevice of that earth with one scene, one moment. His mantle of the goal, his word that he once held dear to his child heart, became not even an earth-shattering break.

Now, here we are.

So, I shall, if you don't mind, end this with my small conclusion of how it's was out of character for Steve to leave.

You can take Steve Rogers out of the fight, but you can't take the fight out of Steve Rogers.

[mash4077confessions]

BJ hunnicutt for the ask game

Here you go anon! I got all your B.J. answers right here :)

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

I LOVE B.J. Hunnicutt because he is funny, he is kind, he is unhinged, he is witty, he is passionate, he is a hot mess express. He is so full of love and these heavy emotions that plague and he has no idea what to do with this intensity and it comes out in all of these wild ways, and even he doesn't understand half of his own actions.

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

B.J.'s absolute devotion to those he loves and cares for, and the absolute madness that comes from the need to have them feel the intensity behind his words.

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

He can be kind of overly cruel towards Hawkeye. I understand why and it does add a layer to his character, but sometimes, I just want to slap him and say, "Dude, you love him, stop being a dick and just say how you feel."

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

I feel like B.J. would fit in very nicely with the cast of Psych or possibly as a guest character in an episode of Scrubs.

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol (Hunnihawk from B.J.'s perspective)

Gunshot Lullabies by Citizen Solider (to illustrate how B.J. evolves during the course of the show/war)

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

-We both love his mustache

-We both love a good pun/dad joke

-We both love Peggy Jane and Hawkeye

-We both love little kids and I would love to talk to him about Erin

Possibly more things as well, but that's what comes to mind at the moment.

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

I appreciate it when others see his love for Peg AND Hawkeye and acknowledge that both relationships are absolutely vital to B.J.

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

I don't despise it, but I do find it interesting that he is considered to be such a divisive character. People who don't like him tend to think of him as either pure evil or they think he's really boring...and I don't understand either of those views. The boring part, especially. B.J. is a great many things...boring is definitely not one of them.

9. Could you be roommates with this character?

Possibly. I think we could live together in the swamp. He would definitely prank me a lot...and I would have no way of messing with him back on an equal playing field. But we are both messy and I could definitely use a drink. I'd happily talk to him about Erin and the kids I've worked with over the years. That might be nice.

10. Could you be best friends with this character?

The best friend title has already been taken by Hawkeye, so no. But I think we could be friendly enough.

11. Would you date this character?

I would date him, B.J. would never date me. I'm not his type.

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

B.J. was raised with the idea that if he behaved a certain way (his father's way) that life would go well for him. You do what's expected, and then good things come back to you. His father really pushed that into him. So, B.J. did all his father as his father commanded (be kind to your sister, become a doctor, get married, have a baby, etc).

He thought this would lead to his father loving him...respecting him, and it never did. He thought this would make him happy and it didn't. Instead, he learned to repress his rage, his sorrow, his wants, and his needs...and then they'd explode. The explosion just got louder during the war, and he began to hurt the people he loved, when all he was trying to do was hurt himself.

I have a lot of thoughts about B.J's childhood and early adolescence.

13. What's an emoji, an emoticon and/or any symbol that reminds you of this character or you think the character would use a lot?

👨🍸👨‍👩‍👧🏍🏨🃏🧶🧦

14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.

this....just all of this. Tight jeans, unbuttoned shirts, chucks, etc.

15. What's your favorite ship for this character? (Doesn't matter if it's canon or not.)

Punnihawk is end game. B.J. needs and loves both Peggy and Hawkeye and wouldn't be the same without them.

16. What's your least favorite ship for this character?

I don't see him getting shipped with people other than Peggy, Hawkeye, and occasionally Trapper. Hmm...idk I guess shipping him with Frank would be pretty weird. Uh Potter would be another strange one.

17. What's a ship for this character you don't hate but it's not your favorite that you're fine with?

I once started writing a B.J/Margaret fanfic and while it's not a great ship, I do still find their dynamic interesting.

18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire?

His relationship with Hawkeye, whether you see it as romantic or platonic, is a thing of beauty.

19. How about a relationship they have in canon that you don't like?

Uh I guess his little one night stand with Carrie Donovan? But even then I'm not really bothered by that storyline.

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?

Other than Hawkeye? I think that if Margaret hadn't still been with Frank, she and B.J. could have developed a much closer friendship and much sooner.

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

I enjoy writing for B.J. but sometimes I struggle to write something appropriately funny for him to say. That's my own problem, though.

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to ths character? Something you don't like?

I don't like it when people write fics where they say B.J. never really loved Peg. Were we watching the same show?

23. Favorite picture of this character?

24. What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them?

B.J. Hunnicutt is the live action Maes Hughes from FMA

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

B.J. was what really hooked me into watching Mash as regularly as I ended up doing so. It was the summer of 2020 and the relationship between B.J. and Hawkeye was the best going on at the time. He was the hyperfixation I needed when everything was falling apart.

Now, he is still my fave Mash character, but not my hyperfixation anymore. He has been usurped by Mulcahy.

[theanimeview]

[Analysis] Black Butler & Aestheticism

Source: Chapter 138

By: Peggy Sue Wood | @pswediting

To be honest, after completing my Master’s thesis on Oscar Wilde and aestheticism, I never thought I’d revisit the concept of aestheticism again in my life. Yet, here I am—drawn back into it and overlapping it (much to my dismay) with the world of Black Butler, a series I’ve loved since middle school. With another arc now adapted into an anime this season, I’m excited to discuss the latest installment of this gothic tale, this time with a bit on aestheticism, the gothic, and academia.

Black Butler: Public School Edition is a distinctive arc. While each arc in the series has its unique qualities, this one is perhaps the most interesting to me because it is the first time we really get to see Ciel work independently and prove himself apart from Sebastian for a prolonged period. Sure, Sebastian is there and working too, but Ciel is powering through this particular arc solo more than we’ve seen before and since. So while the series has always told us Ciel is smart, this time we actually get to see him in action. 

Moreover, in this arc we get to see the role of aestheticism and gothic literary form wrapped in a dark academia theme—a match made in my dark academia aesthetic soul. 

Of course, Black Butler fans have probably noticed how the series consistently embraces various aspects of the gothic aesthetic, but what is aestheticism and how is that different?

Aestheticism is a cultural and artistic movement that emerged in the late 19th century, with Oscar Wilde being a known proponent of the movement, the setting in particular being in the second half of the Victorian era. It emphasizes the importance of beauty and the pursuit of refined sensory experiences as the highest ideals in life and is often associated with a rejection of the notion that art and beauty should be valued for its moral or political utilization rather than for its own sake. To quote, badly I might add, my own thesis: 

“the literature on the subject of Aestheticism highlights four consistent tenets of the movement (and the art within said movement),… These four principles are the pursuit of beauty for the sake of beauty, the elevation of art or the pursuit of beauty alone, the celebration of individualism, and the idea that art is separate from life, meaning that while art should not have limits, life should” (Wood, pages 4-5 I think). 

Meaning:

The pursuit of beauty for the sake of beauty = We should like things simply because we like them and appreciate that sometimes things are just beautiful without meaning behind it.

The elevation of art or the pursuit of beauty alone = We should champion the autonomy of artistic expression, rejecting external moral or utilitarian purposes in expression.

The celebration of individualism = An encouragement of individuals to seek and appreciate beauty in all aspects of life.

The idea that art is separate from life = While we should pursue a beautiful life and not always try to apply morals or ethics or utility to art, we should not confuse that with reality. Reality has rules and should, but art can and should be free for expression of any and all forms. This rule extends to several things. For example, a morally and ethically horrible story about doctors killing patients might be a well-written thriller that people love, but that doesn’t mean the reader likes murderers. If they like the book, it doesn’t mean that they should become a murderer either. It means that life does and should have moral and ethical limitations, but art should be free of those and that we can like art while being free of those same moral and ethical limitations.

On the other hand, an “aesthetic” is a broader term that refers to the appreciation and study of beauty, whether in nature or art. It encompasses a wide range of styles, tastes, and artistic preferences, without necessarily subscribing to the specific principles of the Aesthetic movement. 

With that said, I always viewed Black Butler as a largely aesthetic piece, not applying aestheticism. The aesthetic of the work is gothicism, and you can see this in every arc, which contains some aesthetic focus within the realm of the gothic. We see it in a wide range of themes from the circus to J-pop imagery, but with different forms of the gothic theme based on the setting/frame. These aesthetics also fit within the realm of the gothic novel. Paraphrasing here, ”The gothic novel is defined by its emphasis on mystery, horror, and the supernatural. It frequently features elements such as haunted castles, concealed passageways, spectral visions, and various artifacts that contribute to the overall atmosphere of terror within the narrative (NTC’s Dictionary of Literary Terms by Kathleen Morner and Ralph Rausch).

When we think of the gothic, we often think of the architecture or clothing styles, but there is a lot more variation to this aesthetic than you might think and we see how the creator is applying these variations of the aesthetic throughout the series as we trace some pivotal parts of late-Victorian era history.

So, broken down, we have the Black Butler Arc & Red Butler Arc, which present a basic gothic tale. We have the Indian Butler Arc, which focuses less on the gothic, but more broadly sets us in late Victorian England to match the Red Butler Arc’s Jack the Ripper narrative, based on the socio-political context. 

Then we have the Circus Arc, which presents a new, dark meaning to the freak shows of England’s history and returns us to the gothic novel themes. We have the Phantomhive Manor Murders Arc, which I’ve discussed already as being true to the gothic form for the inclusion of the sublime. Next is the The Luxury Liner Arc, which coincides with the Titanic that sank just as the Victorian era was coming to an end. The Public School Arc, which we’re discussing here, followed by Emerald Witch Arc and the Blue Arc(s) that I will not discuss at the moment, but probably will in a later post. 

Now, all of these arcs are–in some way–gothic. They all feature the supernatural, they all include a bit of horror, and they all contain some mystery that the Queen’s watchdog must solve. In the Public School arc, the story unfolds within the chaotic halls of academia, weaving a prolonged and intricate narrative involving demon contracts, soul reapers, and other unearthly mysteries. The aesthetic is still gothic, this time as a dark academia vibe, and though I started to notice this turn to the aesthetic during the circus arc, really all of BB has spent a significant amount of time overlapping history, image, and the gothic to build us up to the aesthetic notion. 

However—when thinking of the latest arc to be animated, something clicked. In this arc it really started to click for me that, actually, this work is both a gothic novel and a follower of aestheticism, much like Dorian Gray or Wuthering Heights.

In Chapter 138, Sebastian makes references to following the aesthetic–and that does not seem unintentional. He could have said it was against a code, or policy, or moral or ethic–but he doesn’t. He says it’s against his “aesthetic” and all throughout the series Sebastian has a very hard time letting go of beautiful things. The mansion must be clean, the staff must be well dressed (so too should their lord), the cats are “beautiful” creatures, he doesn’t do “dirty” things to the best of his ability and will give up on what is natural in appearance or progress for a human with his human image to maintain his aesthetics. 

So too does our story. 

Ciel is rejecting external morals by maintaining his contract with Sebastian. We’re told in the anime and the manga that he doesn’t care what is “right” and he’s not getting revenge for anyone else but himself–others be damned. 

What I pull from this is that Sebastian is representative of the art for art’s sake and Ciel is the elevation of art, and their approach is that of celebration of individualism. As Sebastian encourages Ciel’s individuals to seek and appreciate “beauty” in all aspects of life on the road to hell because, as mentioned, art is separate from life. The consequences of following the aesthetic, in this case revenge, are there and Ciel is actively moving towards them because his “art” is not separated from his life.  

If I am right about this, then it adds some new meaning to the work as a whole. The gothic novel element still stands, but it adds additional meaning to the end and makes the use of Hamlet in the “His Butler, Performer” so much more reflective of the tale. Ciel is chasing revenge for revenge’s sake, for his own sake and it is a costly journey. One that, like Dorian Gray, will capture Ciel’s soul not because of the revenge itself, but because of the inability to separate life from art.

To me, it is an absolutely fascinating idea! I look forward to seeing how aestheticism works its way further into the work. What about you all? Do you agree or disagree with this idea?

Copyedited by: Krow Smith | @coffeewithkrow

[crazyunsexycool]

Love in times of war

Pairing: 40s!Steve Rogers x 40s!Reader

word count: 16.1k

Summary: you meet Steve Rogers while working with Dr. Erskine.

warnings: Steve being adorable, preserum Steve, angst, fluff, badly written smut, talks of blood, needles, gunshots, Bucky being a little shit, Peggy is a bitch (if you like Peggy this is not the blog for you)

A/N: this was a wild ride. Was it necessary to write 16k not at all but I had so much fun writing it. I used some scenes from Captain America the first avenger but I don’t own the characters or marvel. Please let me know what you think and as always I appreciate the comments, likes and reblogs.

master list

Excitement was thick in the air, the expo was in full swing and men were lining up at the recruitment center in order to serve their country. You had almost been out the door after a long day of work when you were called back. It was rare that Dr. Erskine would ask you to come in if you were done for the night but the moment you stepped into his office you knew. His eyes were bright and hopeful.

“You found him.” you exclaimed once the door was shut. Leaning back against the door you looked at the older man, excited at the possibility.

“Perhaps I have. I need you now more than ever.”

“Of course, anything you need.”

“Good.” He says as he hands you a file. 

“Steven Grant Rogers.” you murmur as your eyes scan the page. “Hmm, he has a long list of health issues Doc.” You look back up at him to find Erskine studying your reaction. “But you didn’t choose him because of that did you?”

“You are correct. This world needs more than good soldiers Y/N.”

“It needs good men. He seems to fit the bill, he’s tried to sign up multiple times to fight for his country. Seems like Mr. Rogers only wants to do what's right.”

“You get it and that is why I need you by my side. Go home and pack your things. We have a lot to prepare for in the coming weeks.”

***************************************************************

The next morning you had been one of the first people into Erskine’s lab. The good doctor had left you with a list of things to do the night before so you began at the top of the list. By the time you had organized the equipment he needed and redid Steve’s chart it was time to start with the regular work day. 

You made your way to the exam room that had been set up and knocked on the door. When you heard the faint come in you opened the door to find Steve unbuttoning his shirt. His eyes were the prettiest blue you had ever seen but they were filled with embarrassment at his state of undress. If that wasn’t enough, the hint of pink that dusted his cheeks made him even cuter.

“Hi Mr. Rogers my name is Y/N and I’m going to be assisting Dr. Erskine. He needs me to take your vitals and some blood samples too. Is it ok if I come in now?” 

“Yes, it’s alright.” 

You open the door wider and close it behind you, offering him a smile before making your way to the small cabinet area in the room. Steve’s chart sits on the counter while you gather the things you’ll need to take his vitals. 

“You don’t have to be nervous. Everything will turn out alright.” You say over your shoulder when you notice him fidgeting. 

“What if Dr. Erskine chose the wrong person for this?”

You placed everything you needed on the small cart that was nestled in the corner of the room and dragged it closer as you thought about how to answer the question.

“I’ve been working with him for almost a year now and this is the first time he’s selected anyone.” 

“So no pressure.”

You smile as you put the cuff on his arm to take his blood pressure.

“I know his story but that is for him to tell you. I can say that for the first time in a long time he feels hopeful and that is something you gave him. Which means that you’re the only choice for this project.”

After taking his pressure you make a note on his chart. As you pull on the stethoscope that was hanging around your neck to listen to his heart and then his lungs you feel his eyes on you. Steve is taking in your beauty and he’s sure you heard how his breath hitches when you move closer. But he’s almost in a trance by the beautiful color of your eyes, a color he’ll have to remember so that he can try and recreate it later. You move away from him before grabbing what you need to take blood samples and labeling them. 

“How can you be so sure of that?” He asked in a hush tone.

“You’re humble for starters. With anyone else they would have puffed out their chest, proud that they’re the only one that fit the bill but you still question it. From what I read in your file you find yourself in fights quite a bit?” 

“I don’t like bullies.” 

“Exactly, you’re willing to fight for what’s right. You stand up against those that abuse their power and you don’t do it for the glory or anything.You know what it means to be powerless and it’s safe to say you’re compassionate. I think that’s more important than just passing all these tests. And like I said I know Erskine’s story, one you will understand with time.” you offer Steve a small smile which he returns. Before he’s able to reply another knock echoes into the small room before the door opens. 

“There you are Y/N, thank you for getting the lab ready.” 

“You’re welcome doc. I’m done with his vitals and blood samples.” 

“Good, take them back to my lab. I have some other things to go over with Steve.”  Dr. Erskine pats your shoulder.

“See you later Steve and remember what I said.” You send a wink his way as you walk out of the room. Dr. Erskine watched as you walked out and the blush that appeared on Steve’s cheeks with a smirk.

“If you hurt her I will make you disappear.” 

“What- no I would never… She wouldn’t even like someone like me.” 

“You don’t know that. Y/N is one of the few people I trust. She is kind, smart and selfless and are you going to deny that she is beautiful? She wants what we do, for this world to be better and the war to be over. I think she’s the only one that can choose who she likes.”

*********************************************

A few weeks have passed since you first met Steve. Now you had traveled to New Jersey to the base that was being used for basic training. They had given you a small room to set up as a makeshift office so that you could take more blood samples from Steve and some other recruits that Colonel Phillips had picked himself. 

“Private Hodge.” You called out from the doorway. 

“Hello sugar.” Hodge said as he walked in. You saw him look you up and down with a smirk on his lips. 

“Please have a seat.” 

“You like being bossy, sugar? I could get used to that.” he winks as he takes a seat on the exam table.

“Private Hodge my name isn’t sugar it’s Y/N so I would appreciate it if you would stop calling me that.” 

“Oh come on I’m just teasing. I’m sure a pretty little thing like you is used to the attention.”

“I’d really prefer it if you stopped talking now. I need to take your blood pressure.” 

You went down the mental list you had created, making sure to gather all of the information Dr. Erskine required. Although physically Hodge was in the running to be the first test subject, the fact that he was making you uncomfortable with not only his comments but he wouldn’t take his eyes off you was bothersome. Dr. Erskine had told you early on that he was looking for someone that was more than physically capable, he needed to find someone that was good and would stand up for what was right. The more time you worked with the doctor the more it made sense as to why Steve was the only choice. 

“You’re all done, you can leave.”  You informed him as you rushed to the door and opened it. 

“Don’t I get a reward for being such a good patient?” Hodge had walked up to you and put a hand on your waist with the purpose of pulling you closer. 

“Let me go.” 

“Just a little sugar, sugar.”  

Hodge pulled you closer forcing you to place your hands on his chest to try to push him away. When that didn’t work you stomped on his boot, the heel of your shoe digging into the top of his foot causing him to take a few steps back.

“You little-”

“Back off.” Steve appeared by the door and quickly stood in front of you to keep Hodge away.

“What are you going to do about it?” 

Hodge was much taller and muscular then Steve. He stocked over to the blond, using his height to try and intimidate the shorter man but it didn’t work. 

“No fighting allowed. If you do, you're disqualified.” 

Hodge backed away from Steve with a huff and some curses under his breath. He looked over at you with a scowl on his face before heading down the hallway. You looked down before looking at Steve and moving into the room to let him in. 

“Thank you, for that.” you said in a hushed voice. His hand found yours and he tugged so that you would turn towards him.

“Did he hurt you?”

“No, you got here just in time.”

“If he tries anything else you tell me, I don’t care about being disqualified.” 

You smile at him before squeezing his hand lightly.

“And you doubt why you are the perfect person for this.” you motioned toward the exam table. “Let me get some items together and then we can start.” 

The room sat in comfortable silence as you moved around the exam table. You could feel Steve’s eyes on you and when you looked over your shoulders your eyes would meet causing his cheeks to redden with the embarrassment of being caught. It was cute to say the least and since the first meeting you hadn’t really been able to stop thinking about him. Still in the moment you pushed your thoughts of what dating Steve would be like and focused on the task at hand. Unfortunately everything was completed quickly and there was no reason for him to stay and talk. 

“Were you done for the night then?” Steve cut the silence. 

“Yeah, I just need to put these things away.” 

“Are you staying on base? I could walk you to your room if you’d like.” 

“I would like that, thank you.” You looked up from his chart and smiled. “Let me just finish this up.” 

He gave you a quick nod and walked out to wait for you in the hallway. A few minutes later you walked out, locking the door before turning to the blond that was leaning against the wall. 

“Ready?” you nod at him and he starts walking with you down the long corridor. 

“So what do you do for fun?” 

“Oh you know the usual, get in fights in the alley, try to join the army, but mostly I like drawing and painting too.” 

“So you’re an artist?” 

“Something like that. How about you, what does the world’s best nurse do for fun?”

“Well I love finding good hearted men that fight bullies in alleys and then run tests on him to make sure he qualifies for super secret government experiments. Also I have a knack for befriending older scientists with accents.” You smile at Steve. “I do enjoy a good book too.” 

“So what made you want to be a nurse?” Steve asked as you walked toward your room.

“My parents both worked and I had a younger brother that was sick a lot. I used to take care of him most of the time. What I really wanted to do was work in research to find a cure for one or some of his illnesses. We just didn’t have the money for school and my dad didn’t think a woman should be worrying about things like that anyways. Nursing was the next best thing and I would take what I could get. Erskine has given me a once in a lifetime opportunity by letting me work alongside him.” 

“I think you’d be great at it. My ma was a nurse, I think if she had the chance she would have been a doctor.”

“What did you do before joining the army?” 

“I just found work where I could get it. Not many people were willing to hire someone like me.” 

You frowned slightly. The army you could understand, they needed healthy men to fill the ranks but that didn’t mean Steve wasn’t able to work. 

“It’s not a big deal. I’m here now and that’s all that matters.” 

“And you’ll go on to do great things, don't forget that.” You replied as you stopped in front of the room you had been given for your stay. Leaning forward you kiss Steve on the cheek causing him to once again turn a bright red. “Thank you for walking me over.” 

“S’no problem. Goodnight.” He said as you walked in a grin broke out on his face as he touched the cheek you had kissed. 

********************************************

The next morning had gone how every morning went while working with Erskine. Going over lab results and him teaching you a few things along the way. You cared for the older man as if he were a father and with a few little words he let you know you were like the daughter he never had. He always gave you a chance to review what he did and let you tell him your findings while correcting any mistakes you made.

 As the day went on you met with Colonel Phillips out on the field. He was arguing with Dr. Erskine about who should be chosen as the first test subject. Talking about how Hodge was the best choice while putting Steve down, something you didn’t like one bit.

“Look at that, he’s making me cry.” He states as you three stop by a truck and watch the recruits doing jumping jacks, Steve doing his best to keep up.

“I am looking for qualities beyond the physical.” Erskine stated. 

Phillips argued how long it took to get this project set up and how he had to basically beg some senator. You couldn’t be bothered to listen to him whining, your focus was on Steve and silently cheering him on. It’s also when you noticed a brunette who also had her eyes on Steve. She had a uniform on and you remembered that Erskine had told you about some agent from England that was also involved, maybe it was her. But you are brought back to the conversation at hand.

“He’s a bully.” 

“You don’t win wars with niceness, doctor.” He moves around to the back of the truck and picks up a grenade. “You win wars with guts.” Phillip says as he pulls the pin and tosses the explosive toward the group of men. 

“Grenade!”

“Move, move, move.” Hodges yells out. The men panic and run to hide behind whatever they can find. Steve however dives to cover the grenade with his body, shielding as many people as he can from the explosion. 

“Get away! Get back.” he tosses the grenade away from himself. Hodge and the rest of the recruits get up again once they don’t hear it going off. A confused Steve starts looking around to see what’s going on.

“It’s a dummy grenade.” someone says. 

“Is this a test?” Steve asks, first looking at the brunette before turning and finding you. A smile on your lips when your eyes meet, you give him a thumbs up. 

“He’s still skinny.” you hear Phillips say. But it doesn’t matter as your attention changes from Steve to Erksine who is also smiling. 

“Let’s go get everything ready, we have our candidate.” He tells you softly. 

****************************

The day everyone had been waiting for finally arrived. The lab was already full, some government officials were taking their seats in the viewing room while Howard Stark was reviewing the capsule Steve would have to get into. You on the other hand were getting the serum ready as well as some other things for Dr. Erskine. 

“Ready to make some history?” Howard asked as he rounded the capsule. 

“Absolutely, are you?”

“Don’t tell anyone but I am a bit terrified.”

“Don’t worry Mr. Stark.”

“Please call me Howard.”

“Well don’t worry Howard, this isn’t your flying car.” you tease.

He points at you, “I’ll remember that.” he says before smiling back.

Before you could reply the double doors opened revealing Steve in his uniform and the agent from the base, Peggy Carter. Erskine walked up to them and pointed at the viewing room, Peggy left the men and headed up the stairs. Next he turned to find you and waved you over.

“Will you get him ready?” He asked once you joined them. You nod and he leaves.

“How are you feeling?” you asked Steve, who honestly looked a little terrified.

“I’m good. How are you?” 

“Excited.” you beamed as you motioned for him to follow you. Once you were on the platform you turned back to him. “You’ll have to take your shirt off.”

“Oh, ok.” He unbuttons his shirt and hands it to you before removing his undershirt. 

“This is Howard Stark, he’ll get you settled in.” 

“Come over this way.” Howard gets Steve strapped on the table and makes sure Steve is comfortable. After getting the ok from Steve he turns to make some final checks on the capsule.

“How are your levels Mr. Stark?” 

“Levels are at 100%. We may dim half the lights in brooklyn, but we are ready… as we’ll ever be.”

Erskine reassures Steve one last time before turning to the crowd watching above and giving some kind of speech. You moved to take the serum from the case they were in and place them in their in the machine Steve was in. Once you were done Steve grabbed your hand, sending a worried look your way. 

“Everything will be fine. You’re the right choice Steve.” you squeeze his hand and smile at him before stepping away to grab a syringe. With a cotton swab and alcohol you clean a spot in his arm. “You’ll just feel a pinch.” you say before giving him the shot.

“Oh, that wasn’t so bad.” 

“That was penicillin.” Erskine informs him, making you giggle. “Serum infusion beginning in 5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1.” The sound of the tubes draining can be heard and Steve grimaces. “Now Mr. Stark.”

The capsule closes and moves to an upright position, the doctor checks on Steve one more time before Howard begins to turn up the power on it. The anticipation builds slowly and you feel your heart pounding in your chest as you watch. The light from inside gets brighter but Steve starts to scream as Howard announces that power is at 70%.

“Steven!” Erskine shouts as he tries to look into the small window. “Steven!” 

From above you can also hear Peggy yell. “Shut it down!’ 

Erskine moves and starts shouting instructions at Howard. But you’re still stuck in your spot until you hear him say to shut it off.

“No. He can do it.” 

“No, don’t. I can do this.” 

Both you and Steve yell at the same time. Causing Howard to move back to the dial and keep going. The light gets even brighter as Howard announces 80%, 90% and finally 100%. His circuit board lights up, everything around short circuits. Erskine stands next to you in front of the pod waiting with bated breath as the doors finally open revealing a much taller and muscular Steve. He slumps forward and you and Erskine quickly move forward to catch him.

“How do you feel?” You ask as he stands up, taking a few deep breaths. 

“Taller.” you smile up at him while another nurse passes him a t-shirt. 

Everyone from the viewing room comes down, all of them talking over each other and exchanging congratulations. Peggy heads toward Steve and begins to talk with him when someone shouts and a gun is fired, taking Erskine down. You rush over and put pressure on the wound but from where it hit you know it’s fatal. Steve is there in an instant as you try to hold back the tears. The older man looks at you and points to your head and then looks at Steve and points to his heart before taking his last breath. 

“No no no.” Your bottom lip trembles as you take the older man’s hand in your own.

Steve runs out of the room chasing the man that had killed your friend and mentor. Howard moved towards you to try and move you away from Erskine’s body when an explosion rocked the building filling the room with fire and smoke. Howard pulls you as everyone begins to run out of the lab. 

***********************************

There was a huge commotion out in the hallway. Everyone ran around frantically trying to figure out how they were going to deal with the loss of the formula for the serum. No one cared for the life that paid the price, there was no grieving the great man that was Abraham Erskine. Even with his flaws and mistakes of the past weighing him down he still dreamt of a better future. It was a shame that he wouldn’t be there to watch it happen. 

You sat in his office, where Howard led you to as he tried to talk with the colonel and the other government officials that were demanding he replicate the formula immediately. The noise grew louder for a moment before it was muffled once again behind the closed door. Your once white nurses uniform was now stained with blood, ash and tears while your hair fell out of the updo you had. The ringing in your ears gradually stopped the longer you sat there. None of it mattered because you had witnessed the worst thing imaginable, the loss of a friend at the hands of someone else. Too lost in thought you missed the footsteps getting closer to you, only when Steve crouched down in front of you did you realize you weren’t alone anymore. He was soaking wet and the white t-shirt he wore clung to his now muscular frame. One of his hands came up to your face gingerly and wiped away the tears that still fell while the other grabbed one of yours that was on your lap. 

“I’m so sorry Y/N.” He said, his voice soft and comforting.

“Did you get him?”

“I did but he didn’t make it.”

You nodded but you barely looked at him, instead you stood and began to organize the files on Erskine’s desk. He had so much research and he’d let you go over all of it. He even gave you your own projects to work on so that you could gain the experience necessary for the field. Now being in his office those memories washed over you causing the ache in your chest to expand. It was all consuming and you didn’t know how to handle it. Sure you’ve lost people you cared about but they passed from natural causes. This was different, he had supported you more than your own father and now it was over. You tried to put your focus on the papers that were  everywhere and chalkboards filled with his ideas and formulas and you began to get angry. 

“Why does he have to be so messy?” You say as you slam a file down. “I was here yesterday and organized all of this, couldn’t he keep things in order for one damn day.” You complained as you sniffled. Steve stood there watching you for a moment before reaching out and stopping your movements.

He turned you around and pulled you into his chest, letting you cry as much as you wanted. In this moment Steve wished more than anything that he could turn back time and stop what happened. Once you calmed down enough the recently turned super soldier pulled back to look down at you. He reaches up to wipe away the tears.

“We’ll find the others that were involved and we’ll make them pay, I promise”. 

“I’m sorry for… this.” You gestured at yourself vaguely.

“No need to be sorry sweetheart.” He gave you a chaste kiss on the forehead. Something he’s wanted to do since that night at the base. You look up at him with red rimmed eyes and give him a sad smile. The door opens and in walks Colonel Phillips and at least a dozen men. They begin to pack all of Erskine’s things.

“Hey, you can’t take that.” You argue as you pull some files away from one of them.

“Of course he can, this is government property. I’m sorry Miss but you’ll have to leave you no longer have any business being here, and you.” He points at Steve. “We have a special mission for you.” With that he walks out leaving you both frozen in place as the men work around both of you.

“Give them hell.” You tell him. 

“I intend to.” 

You gave Steve a final hug and a request to keep in touch before you watched him walk out of the door. He looked at you one final time before he disappeared. It would be months before you would see him again.

***********************************

Colonel Phillips screwed you over big time, he made sure you wouldn’t be able to sign up with the nurse corp. He stated that since you worked with Erskine it made you a target if anyone found out so really he was saving your life. Without much to do in New York you had decided to visit your aunt in Chicago to try and get away for a little bit. It ended up being a wasted trip as your aunt and new husband were headed to California a few days after you arrived but still they offered you to stay and house sit for them. 

While walking down the city streets one day you saw a flier with a very familiar looking man on it. It had your blood boiling at the thought that this was Steve’s mission. Phillips really was an idiot in your opinion, you ripped the flier from the wall and headed in the direction of this supposed show. Although you were angry that Erskine’s work was being wasted you couldn’t help but be a little relieved that Steve was safe. It’s not that you had spent so much time together but you adored him. The few times you did spend together he was a gentleman and kind. You still regret not inviting him into your room that night at the base but it was too late for that now. The little hopes you had to see him were dashed by the time you got there it was over. You had tried to ask where the performers were staying but no one would give you an answer so feeling defeated you headed out of the theater. You took off in the direction of your aunt’s home, your eyes still on the flier when you ran into someone.

“I’m sorry.” You both said at the same time. 

“Steve?” You say when you look up. Your eyes were wide and your mouth agape. 

“Y/N? What are you doing here?” He asked as he wrapped you in a hug which you returned.

“I came to see you but I missed the show.” 

“You came to Chicago to see me?” He looked down at you, it was still fascinating to you how much the serum had changed him physically. That was something else you are angry about, Phillips didn’t give you a chance to take notes after the serum had been administered to have information before and after.

“No, I came to Chicago to see an aunt, I saw the flier and thought it was you so I wanted to see it for myself.” 

He nodded as he scratched the back of his neck, you saw the embarrassment in his face but you needed to know what happened.

“Steve, why are you doing this?” 

He sighed as he looked around and then at you. Steve felt like a failure every time he had to get up on that stage. He thought of Erskine and you and all of the work you had done. Mostly he thought about how much you believed in him and how he had let you down. 

“Would you like to get some coffee or something and we can talk?”

“Yeah.”

He offered you his arm before leading you down the block. If the world wasn’t in the middle of a war and you didn’t feel at least slightly lost you would say that this was nice. Being on Steve’s arm felt natural and in all honesty you had missed him. 

Once you found a diner a few blocks down from the theater you took a booth toward the back. The waitress came by and took your drink orders and left.

“So…” you said as you looked at him. You couldn’t help yourself and you studied his face, taking mental notes of the changes in his appearance. His hair, although combed up and back so that it was out of his face, seemed healthier and his cheeks held a healthy rosy tint along with his eyes which sparkled brighter. 

“So.” He looked at you bracing himself for the disappointment he was sure to see on your face. “After that day I left with Phillips thinking he would send me overseas but he said he needed an army of super soldiers not just one man. He thought it would be more useful if I did the show to sell war bonds. It’s honestly embarrassing, I could be doing so much more if he would just let me go over there. I feel I’m back at square one except I don’t have asthma anymore.” 

“He basically blacklisted me from the nurse corp. said that by helping Erskine I put a target on my back and if they found out and I was taken, he wouldn't bother to send anyone to get me.” 

The waitress set Steve’s coffee down and your milkshake before leaving your table again.

“It seems he doesn’t really like either of us.”

“I’m going to reach out again, someone will listen. I didn’t volunteer for this to be stuck fake punching Hitler.” 

You laughed at the image and then he started laughing too. When you quieted down you sighed and looked out the window. 

“What are you thinking about?” 

“How upset Erskine would be if he knew. How much I want to make those bastards pay and how much I missed you.”

Steve reached out and gently grabbed your hand, his thumb moving back and forth over your knuckles. “I’ve thought about you every single day.” He gives you a coy smile. “Come on, let’s enjoy the city while we can.” 

Steve stood up and dropped a couple of bills before offering you his hand, which you took happily. 

You walk around the city, sometimes in silence and taking it all in but mostly getting to know each other. He tells you more about his childhood and his best friend Bucky. You tell him more about your younger brother and your own best friend. But as it gets darker you know you have to part and the thought of not seeing him again saddens you. Before you realize it you’re standing on the front porch of your aunt’s house, the key in your hand while Steve stands behind you waiting for you to open the door and go in. Neither of you really want this night to end but he’s leaving for another city in the morning and you’ll have to start packing to return back home. 

The soft click of the lock echoes in the silence between you and you push the door open before turning to look at Steve. He gave you a half smile, his eyes never leaving yours. 

“So.” You both said at the same time making you both smile. 

“I guess this is it.” He said.

“I guess so.” 

Steve walked closer and placed a hand on your waist while the other cupped your cheek. Your own rested against his chest as you looked up at him.

“I’d really like to kiss you.” 

“I’d really like it if you did.” 

Steve moved until his lips were barely touching, still giving you the chance to back away. Instead you closed the small distance as your lips crashed against his. They were soft as they moved against yours, a sweet dance that turned passionate. You felt Steve’s hand move from your cheek to your neck so that he could deepen the kiss. His tongue explored your mouth as you moaned. But all too quickly he pulled back and cleared his throat. There was a blush creeping up on his cheeks and you smiled at him. 

“Would you like a drink?”

“I should head back, we leave early.”  His hands in his pocket.

“Of course.” You say. “Take care of yourself Steve.”

“You too. Maybe I can come find you back in New York once this is all over?” 

“I’d like that.” You smile at him again. “Bye Steve.” You say before walking into the house and closing the door. 

“Goodbye sweetheart.” He said to himself when he saw the light turn on.

You leaned against the door and wished he’d come in. The thought of him leaving again was going to hurt so much more the second time around. Turning back around you opened the door hoping that he wasn’t too far. Instead you find him walking up toward the porch. Steve stops in front of the steps and looks up at you. Your body, perfectly silhouetted against the light in of the living room. Slowly you walked out and down two of the three steps and found yourself eye level with Steve. 

“Is that drink still on the table?” 

“For you it is.” You grabbed his hand and led him inside. 

Once the door was closed Steve pulled you close and turned you around to push you against the door. His lips crashed into yours, it was messy and hurried and perfect. Your arms found their way around his broad shoulders. Steve left a myriad of kisses on your cheek and jaw and onto your neck, he nipped and kissed his way down to the collar of your dress. You grabbed his face and pulled him in for another kiss, this one slow but just as needy. Once you pulled back you patted Steve on the chest twice so that he would move back. 

“We should maybe move away from the living room.” You smiled as you grabbed his hand and pulled him toward your room.

Steve stands in the doorway, wanting to get closer to you again but still giving you a chance to stop. But you don’t want to stop, instead your hands reach for the belt that sits at your waist, made of the same fabric as your dress, and you pull on it. Then you start to undo the first button, your hands moving slowly as you keep your eyes on Steve. Arching one eyebrow at him.

“Are you going to stand there all night?” 

Your question seemed to have pulled him back into the moment as he closed the gap between the both of you. His hands fall to your waist before pulling you closer. 

“Are you sure?” 

“You’re the only thing I’m sure about Steve.” 

His lips are on yours in a flash and he swallows the small gasp you let out in surprise. Steve’s hands move from your waist to the front of your dress to undo a few more buttons before he pushes it off your shoulders. Once the dress hits the floor you step out of it, Steve’s hands are on your hips.

“You’re so beautiful.” He whispers as he picks you up, walks over to the bed and sets you down. Steve’s eyes drag from top to bottom making your cheeks heat up and you realize how exposed you are to him at the moment.

You push the leather jacket he’s wearing off his shoulders before starting to unbutton his shirt. Once he’s shirtless Steve hovers over you, slightly unsure of what to do next. The feel of your hands on his bare skin makes him shudder. He would never admit at how many times he fantasized of this exact moment, or if you would ever even look at him as more than some science experiment. Steve could question your affection as much as he wanted but he knew you cared way before he ever received the serum. It was always there in the way you looked at him and the way you believed in him unconditionally. No one other than his ma and Bucky looked past the physical limitations but you did. Even now when your lips found their way to his jaw and your hands explored his body you showed him how much you wanted him. So he moved to make sure you felt how much you mean to him.

Steve’s touch was gentle but lit your skin aflame as he moved from your waist to your back to undo your bra. Your lips met his, moving in sync as your tongues fight for dominance. The feel of his hands on your breasts and the way his mouth moved down to explore your exposed chest. Steve kept his lust blown eyes on your face as his tongue swirled around your nipple. A small gasp escapes you as your hips buck against him. Your breath hitches as you feel Steve move down leaving kisses in his wake, for a moment he stops on the band of your panties. 

Those piercing blue eyes meet yours, his hands on your hips as he asks, “Can I taste you?” He hoped you didn’t hear the nervousness he felt, this was all new to him. Anything he knew was from when Bucky talked about it he just hoped that he remembered enough to make you feel good. 

“Yes.” The thought of him between your legs alone was enough to make you wet but this would be so much better. Steve slowly pulls down your panties and tosses them to the side. He leaves a trail of kisses up your calves then your thighs until he’s settled comfortably between them. He didn’t hesitate to swipe his tongue through your folds, an action that had him groaning and you bucking your hips. Steve took his time, finding what made your breath hitch just from him using his mouth so that he could do it over and over again. His tongue flicks against your clit causing you to mewl. Your hands find their way to his hair, pulling it as you begin to feel your orgasm build. 

“Steve,” You say as you feel him carefully slide a finger into your heat. Slowly he builds his pace before adding a second finger. The moan that leaves your lips when he curls his fingers is like music to his ears, and he wants to hear more. The feeling of you clenching around his fingers urges him to keep going. Steve works tongue over your clit before sealing his lips around the bundle of nerves. Your legs tremble and that coil in your belly tightens until it snaps. “I’m gonna-” you cut yourself off with a moan, your head thrown back and your eyes closed as your orgasm washes over you. 

You feel Steve move some hair out of your face and you smile as you open your eyes. 

“Was that ok?” 

You nod before pulling him down for a kiss and tasting yourself on his lips. Your hands travel down his body until you reach his trousers where you feel his hardened length. You’ve never been with a man before but you’re a nurse so that body part isn’t as foreign for you as it is for most women and one thing you know is that he’s big. But you don’t waste your time thinking about if he’ll fit, your fingers working quickly to undo the button but before you get to the zipper he stops you.

“We don’t have to do anything else if you don’t want to.”

You smile up at him, of course he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable. “Of course I want to be with you Steve, I want everything with you.” 

He smiles down at you, his eyes bright and full of adoration and lust and his kiss swollen lips meet yours again as he lets go of your hand. The zipper is pulled down and you push down his pants before Steve kicks them off. The blonde begins to settle between your legs again before he pulls back and turns around asking for you to give him a second. You’re about to ask him if he’s ok before he bends down to grab his pants, pulling something out of his pocket. He holds it between two fingers, a condom. You sit up and move towards him, your chest pressed against his back as you kneel behind him you look over his shoulder. Grabbing it you rip open the condom, Steve turns his head to look at you confused at what you’re doing before he feels your hand on his cock. The tip already has a bead of precum as you move your thumb over it before you move up and down slowly. His breath gets caught in his throat as you move slightly faster. He wraps his hand around your wrist.

“Sweetheart, I don’t think I’ll last if you keep going.” He whispers before letting your wrist go. You kiss his cheek before moving to put the condom on and then moving back to the bed letting him settle back down between your spread legs. “Are you sure?” He asks one more time. His breath fanning across your lips as he hovers over you.

“Yes Steve, I’m sure. Please, I need to feel you.” 

You share a tender kiss as Steve lines himself up with your entrance and pushes in slowly. Once he bottoms out he rests his forehead against yours as he gives you time to adjust to his size. You feel so full with him even though there’s a little bit of pain. But you manage as you stare into those cerulean eyes that had burned themselves into your memory.

“Did you mean it?” 

“What?” You ask as you hold on to his biceps. 

“That you want everything with me. Because I’ll give you everything and anything you ask for.”

“I did, I want you.” 

His lips capture yours again as he begins to move languidly. The pain quickly morphed into pleasure the more you relaxed . Your back arches into him before you start to move against him. Steve picks up the pace as the pretty little sounds you make spur him on. He hides his face in the crook of your neck while his hands find yours, fingers intertwined above your head.

“So good Steve.” You moan as you throw your head back in pleasure. You’re on the edge again and Steve groans when you clench around him. 

Steve never thought he’d get a chance to be this intimate with a woman but now he’s glad it’s you. He’ll memorize the sounds you make, the blissed out look on your face, the way you chant his name like a prayer and the way you hold him close. Remembering how you came undone with his mouth on your clit, one of his hands snakes between both your bodies as he begins to circle where you want him most. The added stimulation has you falling off the edge with his name on your lips and your eyes closed. 

“Fuck you feel so good sweetheart.” He mutters as his pace becomes uneven. A few more thrusts has him spilling into the condom. 

Giving your hand a squeeze, Steve let’s go before shifting slightly and pulling out slowly. 

He peppers your face with kisses before moving to lay down beside you. After a few minutes you sit up and start to move towards the edge of the bed.

“Hey where are you going?” He asks, concerned.

“I’m going to Um- clean up.” 

“Don’t, stay here.” He gets up and removes the condom he used. Steve comes back with a hand towel soaked in warm water. He places a kiss on your forehead as the towel disappears under the blanket you were now covering yourself with. 

At the sensation of the towel between your legs you hiss and he stops. 

“Did I hurt you?” 

“No, I’m just a bit sensitive right now.” You move your hand to his and guide him on what to do. He discards the towel in the small laundry basket you have in the corner and gets back into bed holding his arms open for you to snuggle into him. 

Neither of you get much sleep, instead you enjoy each other’s company in comfortable silence. Time betrayed you, before you knew it Steve had to leave so that he could head to the next city on the U.S.O tour.

“I wish you didn’t have to go.” You tell him when he gets up and starts getting dressed. 

“I wish I didn’t either.” He sits at the edge of the bed with his trousers and shoes on turning to look at you. It was a mistake because Steve finds a little pout and big doe eyes looking at him. “I’ll find you back in New York alright?”

“You promise?” You mentally curse yourself for sounding so insecure but you were in a very vulnerable position at the moment. Steve had been your first and you had been his. Now you wouldn’t be sure how long it would be before you saw him again. 

“Of course I promise. I can’t leave my best girl waiting.” 

He pulls a small smile from you with that. Steve leans in to steal a quick kiss and then proceeds to put on his shoes and his shirt followed by his jacket. 

“Promise me you’ll be careful on your way back home.” 

“I will.” You had grabbed your robe and tied it around your waist so that you could walk Steve out. 

His hands sit on your hips as he looks at you fondly. 

“I’ll see you soon, I swear.”

“I know.” You stand on your toes to reach his lips, kissing him passionately before pulling away from both the kiss and him. Already missing his warmth you unlock the door and open it for him. Steve leaves a chaste kiss on your forehead before stepping out onto the porch. 

“I’ll see you soon sweetheart.”

“Take care of yourself.” You wave him off and watch him disappear before closing the door. Little did you know you would see him sooner than you would think.

****************************

Even with the limited times you’ve been on a plane you could definitely say this was the worst flight of your life. The turbulence was awful and you were sure that your grip on the armrests would break them if you had any real strength. But when Howard found you at the hospital you worked at and offered you a job that would take you overseas you jumped at the chance. Now here you sat getting ready to land in the worst plane ever made just so that you could help in the war efforts. 

“How was the trip?” You’re greeted by a smiling Howard once you were able to get out of the plane. 

“I’m never getting on one of your planes again Howard.” you glared at him before smiling. 

“Oh come on it couldn’t have been so bad if you’re standing here.” 

He moved around and grabbed your suitcase as some of the other cargo was pulled out of the plane. 

“It really was. But I’m here in one piece and that’s all that matters. Now are you going to tell me what I’m meant to be doing? I know Colonel Phillips couldn’t have agreed to have me here.”

“He doesn’t really know, but that doesn’t matter because you are here as my assistant.” He offers you his arm considering the ground was uneven before leading you into the building. Howard dropped off your suitcase in his office before leading you into the main room of the building. The tension in the room was palpable as military personnel worked with urgency setting up maps and rearranging desks. Orders were being barked at the other end of the room by an all too familiar voice. There was a group of men huddled over one particular map which is where Howard was walking before he stopped. You looked at him to find him scanning the room, he stopped a pretty blond and asked for the captain. She directed him toward a corner of the room that had some shelves filled with boxes and documents. 

“This way.” Howard said with childlike glee. It was slightly contagious and you found yourself smiling at whatever it was you were being led to. A smile that slipped when you saw Steve walking from behind one of the shelves in his uniform, but that’s not what upset you, it was the red lipstick on his lips and the woman that walked out beside him. You made eye contact with Peggy first, a smirk on her face as her hand found Steve’s. He hadn’t seen you yet, instead he was wiping away the lipstick and when he felt Peggy grab his hand he pulled away. 

“What was that for?” He questioned her but he didn’t wait for an answer as he looked up at her and followed her line of sight, to find you standing next to Howard. He cursed under his breath when he saw the way your eyes shone with unshed tears. Howard whispered something in your ear and you turned to walk away. “Y/N?” Steve moved to follow you to explain what happened but he was stopped by the man that brought you here.

“Give her a minute.” 

“What is she even doing here Stark?”

“I need an assistant, the Commandos need a nurse and this division needs someone that can figure out what Hydra is doing. She was the person closest to Erskine and his research. If anyone can figure out what they’re doing it’s her.”

“If she gets hurt because of you I’ll end you.” 

“If you must.” 

Steve shakes his head as he walks past Howard to try and find you. 

“My office, Rogers.”  Howard says over his shoulder before he turns back to look at the Brunette across from him. A scowl on her face when their eyes meet. “What the hell was that Carter?” 

“None of your business.”

“You know how much she means to him and that I was bringing her into this. Did you do that just because he refused your advances?” 

Peggy squared her shoulders and she started to walk away. “Who cares that she was there when he was small and weak, he isn’t anymore. He doesn’t realize that he can do so much better.” 

Howard shakes his head before moving to his lab and where he told you to meet him at. He knew Steve would look for you so he told him to go to his private office to at least give you a few extra minutes. When he walked through the double doors he found you looking over some of Erskine’s documents, the ones that had been taken the day he was murdered. The saddened expression on your face warns him to give you some time alone, not only because of what you saw involving Steve and Peggy but because of what you were going over currently. It was like holding onto the last piece of the man that had given you a chance, one you thought had died with him that day, but here you are and you’re going to make it count. 

You saw Steve out of the corner of your eye cautiously approach the desk you were sitting at. He cleared his throat in order to get your attention but you ignored him. It hurt to have missed him so much only to see him with someone else. Whatever excuse he had ready could wait, you weren’t here for romance, you were here to help end a war. It seemed however that Steve didn’t get the memo as he hovered beside you with his hands behind his back. You kept stealing glances at him and your resolve was slowly crumbling as you saw how handsome he looked in his uniform and how upset he looked at the fact that you were ignoring him.

Steve had enough of being ignored so he crouched down and swiveled your chair around so you had no choice but to look at him. Your eyes met his for a moment before you looked away, trying not to imagine him and Peggy kissing. 

“Sweetheart,”

“Don’t call me that.” you huff.

“What else am I supposed to call my best girl?” 

“Am I?” you fidget with a piece of thread that had been pulled from your shirt to try and keep your hands busy.

“Of course you are. Peggy just grabbed me and the moment she kissed me I pulled away.” His large hands envelope yours as he tilts his head to get a better look at you. “You gotta believe me Sweetheart. There’s no one I wanna kiss except you.”

“I guess, I could think about forgiving you.” 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, but only because I missed you.” His eyes sparkle even against the ill lit room when you look back at him. Leaning forward your lips grace his before you ask, “It didn’t mean anything right?”

“Absolutely not.” His lips capture yours, reminding you of the softness of not only his lips but of the man that’s before you. Steve could be rough if he wanted to but instead he was gentle and sweet and this kiss was proof. He smirked when you pulled back, trying to catch your breath. Now his lips were stained with your own lipstick and his hands remained on yours, neither of you aware of the woman that watched it unfold. 

****************************************************

“What about this one?” Steve grabbed a circular shield discarded by Howard as he was showing Steve the design for his Captain America uniform. He looked at you and held it in front of him and asked, “What do you think?” 

“Let’s see.” Peggy, who had been walking by stopped, grabbed a gun that was on the table. To your horror she pointed the gun at Steve and fired it three times, all three bullets hitting the shield and then the floor. “Seems like it works.”

“What the hell is wrong with you?” You fumed behind her, she only shrugged in your direction.

“I was only testing the quality of the shield.”

“You don’t do that while someone is holding it.”

“He’ll live.” she scoffs and walks away. 

Steve handed the shield to Howard confirming that it was the one he wanted to use. Making his way over to you, Steve grabs your chin so that you can see that he’s ok. 

“Hey, I’m fine. Really.” 

“That’s not the point. She’s been nothing but a bitch since I got here. And now she’s being reckless.” You scowl.

“It’s only for a couple of more days. We’ll be heading out soon enough. Now do you have a few minutes there’s someone I want you to meet.” 

“Yeah, lead the way my Captain.” 

Steve led you down the main corridor toward what everyone referred to as the war room. It’s where the higher ups meet to make plans on where to go next. He opened the door to let you in first before walking in behind you. You found a group of men sitting around a map, none of them bothered to look up since someone was always coming and going from the room. There was a mixture of laughter and loud conversation happening amongst them.

“Hey fellas, there’s someone I would like you to meet.” The room fell quiet as all eyes fell on you and Steve, but mostly you. “This is Y/N, she’s going to be with us on the field. She’ll be acting as our nurse but also working with Stark to figure out what hydra is trying to do.” 

Steve introduces each of the men. Dugan, Jones, Morita, Falsworth and Dernier all were part of the Howling Commandos. 

“And this is Sergeant Barnes.” Steve beams at the brunette who has a smirk on his face. “My second in command and my best friend.” 

“You’re Bucky?”  Your eyes light up. 

“I sure am darling. It’s nice to finally meet you in person, thought for a minute this punk was making you up.” 

You giggle when you look back at Steve, finding him as red as a tomato due to his friend’s words. 

“Well it’s nice to meet you too. I demand you tell me all of Steve’s embarrassing stories.” 

“Oh I’ve got plenty.” he gives Steve a shit eating grin. “I like her already.” 

Steve grumbles under his breath something about being ganged up on by his girl and his friend before he starts ushering you out of the room. 

“Oh before I forget.” you stop and turn around to look at the men. “I’ll need you to come by Howard’s office first thing tomorrow, I would like to complete a check up on all of you so that I can have a baseline of where you are health wise.” 

“Yes ma’am.” they reply before waving you off. 

**************************************

You’d spent the day in your corner of the lab going over test results for the commandos. They were healthy enough considering they were in the middle of a war and about to head into dangerous missions. But right now you were looking for one person in particular. After searching the base you finally head outside to find Bucky lying down and hiding  behind some bushes. 

“What are you doing?” He jumps at the sound of your voice. 

“You shouldn’t go scaring someone that’s holding a gun darling.” He said as he rolled on to his side. At the look of concern on your face he sits up. “What’s wrong?” 

“I need to take your blood again.”

“Is something wrong? Am I sick? I don’t feel sick.” 

“No nothing like that but I’d rather double check with a newer sample before I say anything.”

“Alright well let’s go I guess.” 

He stands up, grabbing his gun and starts to follow you.

“So what were you doing?” 

“Target practice. Just trying to stay sharp, you know.” 

You hum in understanding. Stopping once in a while to let other people walk by the large field. 

“Steve’s crazy about you, ya know.” Bucky says after a beat of silence. “I don’t think I’ve seen him this happy before.” 

“I’m crazy about him too.” Warmth creeps up to your cheeks at the thought of Steve. 

“Good, just please don’t hurt him. He’s a good man and an even better friend. Also he’s talked my ear off because he’s so smitten by you. I really wouldn’t want to deal with a heartbroken Steve.” 

You laugh just as you spot Steve in the distance, walking toward both of you. “I don’t plan on hurting him one bit.” You say before the blond stops in front of you. 

“Is everything ok?” He asks with his hands on his hips. 

“Yeah I’m just going to rerun some tests on Bucky. I’ll meet you at the lab.” You tell Bucky before stealing a kiss from Steve. 

He watches you leave with a dusting of pink on his cheek. 

“Jesus, could you at least not make it so obvious you’re ogling her.” 

“I’m not. Just making sure she gets in the building safely.”

“Yeah sure. Nothing to do with imagining all the dirty things you’d -“ Steve’s hand clamps over Bucky’s mouth to shut him up.

“Don’t talk about my girl like that jerk.” 

“Sir, yes sir.” He gives a quick salute before laughing. “You hurt her though and I'll kick your ass punk.” 

“I’m not planning on it.” 

•••••••••••

After running some tests again you confirmed your suspicions. Quickly you went back to find Buck and Steve. Fortunately you find them with Howard this time. With as much as you trusted Stark this was a sensitive matter so you pulled both men into an office so that the conversation was private. 

“Bucky, do you remember what they did to you when you were held?” You ask seriously.

“It’s a bit fuzzy but I remember being on an operating table or something. That’s where Steve found me.”

“Anything other than that. No needles or syringes or medicine?” 

“Sweetheart what’s going on?”

“I do remember being strapped to a chair and someone putting a needle in my arm but I couldn’t really see what they were doing.” 

It’s what you feared and the panicked look on Bucky’s face wasn’t helping. 

“I know what Hydra is doing, or partially anyways. They’re trying to recreate Erskine’s serum.” You look between both of them. 

“Wait, so what you’re saying is that Bucky also has the serum?”

You take a deep breath as you try to gather your thoughts. 

“Yes and no. He has a version of the serum but not the same one as you. It’s missing components. So while Bucky is now stronger and more agile it’s not at the same level as you are.” 

“Is that why I can’t get drunk?” Bucky asked, stunned at the news. 

“Most likely. Now I can fix it but it will take a bit of time.”

“You can get rid of the serum?” Steve frowned at the possibility.

“No but I can create an altered version with the missing components so that you have the full effects. What do you say?” You anxiously wait for his answer. It’s a bit of a shot in the dark but why not have two super soldiers instead of one. 

“Do it.” 

“Ok, I’ll let you know when I have it ready. Also it’s better if we keep this between ourselves for now.”

Both men nod as you leave the office. Steve eyes Bucky worriedly.

“Stop staring, didn’t your Ma teach you it’s rude.” Bucky huffs. “I’m fine, I have been for weeks now. Besides, I'm in your girl’s very capable hands.” 

“You’re right. Let's finish prepping for the first mission.” 

***********************

The first mission had been a success. The commandos managed to clear out another weapons manufacturing factory for hydra. While most of them helped Stark look over some of the weapons, you had worked your way through the offices trying to find any information that might give you more insight as to how far along they are with the serum.  You knew they had something already based on Bucky’s lab results but it wasn’t the full picture. 

There were abandoned desks everywhere but you focused on offices. The higher ups in the organization would be the ones to have any important information. Time slipped away from you as you found some interesting leads but nothing on the serum. 

“There you are.” Steve’s voice broke the silence. You only hummed in acknowledgment. “What are you up to?” He asked as he rounded the corner and began to look over your shoulder. “This is all in German. Can you read it?” 

“Yeah, when I was younger my neighbor used to watch me and my brother  and she barely spoke English. We were young enough to learn German without realizing it.” 

“Ok, well we’re moving out in 5.” Steve smiles as he places a chaste kiss at the top of your head. 

“I’m done here anyways. Nothing for me but I did find some leads for you.” You stood as you handed him a notebook with a map tucked into it.

“I’ll take all the help I can get.”

“Really?” You asked, giving him a mischievous look. With every step you took forward he took one back until he was pressed between your body and the wall. An amused look gracing his face.

“Have I told you how good you look in this uniform?” 

He shakes his head, the hint of pink disappearing under the cowl he was wearing.

“Well you do. Very handsome… maybe I can take it off sometime.” Your hands found their place on Steve’s chest as you reached up to kiss him. 

“Whenever you two are done in there we’re ready to leave.” Bucky’s voice rang out. Immediately you went to the door and stuck your head out glaring at him.

“Spoilsport.” 

“You love me!” He winks at you before heading back outside. 

“No I don’t.” You shout after him. 

Steve stood at the door watching the interaction with a smile on his face.

“We should go,” he lowers his head so that he can whisper in your ear. “But trust me that I’ll let you take anything you want off of me sweetheart.” 

•••••••••••••••

As the night went on the commandos found shelter in an abandoned cabin. Dugan and Morita were first to take watch as the rest settled inside. The fireplace was being used and everyone took a corner so that they could rest. You sat on the floor by a window, writing in your notebook as you worked on a modified version of the serum for Bucky. 

“What are you working on?” Steve asked as he sat next to you.

“Research.” You looked from him to Bucky who was adding some logs to the fire. A silent understanding passed between you. 

After a few more minutes of writing you put your notebook away in the pack you carried with you. You laid your head on Steve’s shoulder and sighed, tired from the day’s events.

“Go to sleep sweetheart. I’m right here.” 

“What about you?” A yawn escapes you. 

“I’ll be fine, I’ll nap in a little bit.” 

“Ok.” You said with your eyes already closed. You felt Steve place a kiss on the top of your head before drifting off to sleep. 

***************************

The next few months were the same. Bring down a hydra base, research and move on. It was a uniquely devastating situation to be in. There were many times in which you were close to losing one or several of the commandos during those missions. Fortunately your medical pack was always stocked and if it wasn’t hydra bases had the medical supplies you needed. 

On one occasion, which caused yours and Steve’s first fight, you almost lost Falsworth after a group of hydra soldiers cornered him. He had been shot twice and although you were supposed to wait until you got the all clear from Steve to come down, you knew he wouldn’t hold on that long. So you move from your hiding spot, running for cover in between tanks and crates until you get to the fallen commando. You open your bag immediately and begin to look for what you’ll need. 

“Ok Falsworth I’m going to move your shirt.” You say as you grab the hem and pull up. He winces between ragged breaths. 

“Yo-you shouldn’t.” He groans as you touch the entry points to clean the area. “Be here. Rogers, he-he’ll be mad.” 

“And that will be my problem when the time comes, but I’m not gonna let you die out here.” 

There’s an explosion somewhere behind you and gunfire picks up. 

“Behind you.” Falsworth warns and you turn in time to see hydra soldiers, guns drawn and headed towards you. 

“Shit.” 

You jump over Falsworth and grab his gun. Turning, you aim and fire, taking down one soldier. Another one falls as you shoot the third. Dropping the gun you turn back to your patient and work quickly, removing the bullets before stitching him up. 

“Well look at that, it seems like you’ll live another day.” Dugan said as he approached. It’s when you realized the gunfire had ceased. Dugan helps Falsworth up. 

“He’ll need rest for a couple of days but he should be good.” You tell Dugan, “I’ll keep an eye on the healing to make sure you don't get an infection.” 

Dugan pulled Falsworth with him and you kneeled to grab your medical bag from the floor. Two sets of footsteps approached as you finished grabbing your tools and putting them back in your bag. 

“What were you thinking? You can’t just run down into the field like that.” Steve said sternly when he stopped in front of you. 

“I was thinking that I was going to help someone that was hurt. A fellow soldier and a friend.” You looked at him, he was staring at you with a mixture of worry and anger. Bucky, who was standing beside him, was slightly amused although you could tell he had also been worried. “Thank you for the back up Buck.”

“You’re welcome darling.” 

“That was dangerous and reckless.” 

Bucky took a few steps back until he was able to sneak away from the impending lover’s quarrel. You moved around Steve to head towards the now abandoned building. 

“That’s rich coming from you.” 

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means.” You stopped and turned around to find Steve right behind you. “You’re reckless all the time.”

“It’s my job.”

“And it’s mine too. We’re in the middle of the war. It's dangerous all the time and I wasn’t going to let someone die if I can help them.” 

Steve put his hands on his hips and sighed. He knew you were right but just the thought of losing you scared him. You gave him hope for a future he thought he would never have and as long as you were both in the middle of this war there was a chance that he could lose it. Ever since you came into his life, especially after Chicago, he began to dream of settling down and having a family. Steve wanted everything with you but he also knew that you wanted more than to just be a housewife. It was something he admired deeply and he would be there to support you all the way. Still he cared about you so much that his instinct was to protect you more than anything else. 

“I’m going inside.” You said before turning back and walking towards the building. 

“I’ll keep an eye on her Cap.” 

“Thanks Jones.” Steve said as Jones walked by. He turned to the other commandos to find them watching him, talking amongst themselves. Joking as they shook their heads at the blond super soldier. “What?”

“Nothing.” 

They liked to tease him, it was very obvious the way he looked at you with heart eyes. They didn’t dare tease you though. You were like a little sister to them but you were fierce and you weren’t scared to put them in their place if needed. 

“Hey Cap, she said she needs you and Barnes in there.” Jones had walked out about half an hour later. 

“Thanks Jones.” 

Bucky and Steve made their way into the building. All that was there was scattered papers and fallen hydra soldiers but they passed by everything and headed towards the lab where Jones said you would be at. They found you hunched over some documents and your notebook as you wrote quickly. 

“Is everything ok?” Steve asked as they walked in.

“I finished it.” You looked up with a smile. “I found what I needed to complete the formula and I have everything I need here I can finish the serum. What do you say?” 

“Let’s do this.” Bucky nodded, he was terrified but ever since Steve found him he hadn’t felt quite himself. He hoped this would be what was missing. 

Both men watched as you moved around the room as if you’d always worked there. You turned when you were ready and you motioned for Bucky to sit on an exam table. He removed his jacket and rolled up his sleeve and watched as you cleaned an area on his forearm. Steve stood just behind you and watched as you injected Bucky with the modified serum, waiting for something to happen. 

“That should be it.” You say as you step back and look at Bucky.

“Is something supposed to happen?”

“No-“ you’re interrupted by Bucky’s quick and shallow breathing. His hand comes to his chest and his eyes go wide. “Bucky tell me what’s wrong.” You say as you rush back to him but he falls to his side with eyes closed. He’s not breathing anymore and you try not to panic. 

“Buck!” Steve called out but he felt stuck where he stood. 

You moved to lay bucky flat on his back to figure out what was wrong when he sits back up causing you to scream.

“I’m just playing darling.” He says before he starts laughing at your startled expression. Steve has his head thrown back and his hand on his chest laughing at what happened.

“That’s not funny!” You cross your arms over your chest and glare at the brunette.

“Oh come on, you should have seen your face.” 

Bucky jumps off the table and throws an arm around your shoulder, as he continues to laugh. You fail miserably to hide your smile before elbowing him in the ribs and walking away from his grasp.

“I’m sorry darling. I just couldn’t help it.”

“You’re not sorry at all.” 

“You’re right I’m not.” He gives you a shit eating grin.

“Come on, I need to take your blood.” 

Bucky sits back up on the table and lets you do what you need to do before you dismiss him. You move towards the microscope with your notebook and the blood sample in hand, aware that Steve is still in the room.

“Everything looks good.” You say after a few minutes. 

“That’s good.” 

“Yeah.” You say as you look back up at Steve. 

“I’m sorry.”

“So am I Steve.”

He walks closer to you with a hand stretched out and you take it. Steve pulls you towards him.

“I just want to keep you safe. So that we can go back home and I can take you on a proper date.” 

“What are we doing on this proper date?” You say as your arms wrap around his neck.

“I have it all planned out but it’s a surprise.”

“I like surprises.” 

“Me too sweetheart.” Steve leans down to capture your lips in a sweet kiss. 

“Come on, let's stop these assholes so we can go home.” 

“Language.” 

You smile over your shoulder as you pull him out of the lab.

************************************

Howard had managed to take the commandos from their last location in the middle of nowhere back to France. The commanding officers Colonel Philips included wanted an update from Steve so that they could figure out the next steps. The end of the war was near and everyone knew it. And as the holidays happened to be near you were given a small reprieve from being out chasing down hydra. The commandos had been given a few bedrooms at a hotel that was abandoned and then turned into a command center. Everyone enjoyed being able to shower properly and have some privacy. 

Before you’re able to walk into the bathroom there’s a knock on your door and you’re not surprised to find Steve on the other side. When you open the door he rushes inside already dressed in his formal uniform looking as handsome as ever. His arms wrap around your waist as he kicks the door closed and pushes you against it. His lips find yours in a heated kiss and when he pulls away you’re gasping for air.

“Hi.” 

“Hi.” You giggle. 

“I feel like we’ve been here before.” He teases.

“Mm-Hmm. Chicago was very special.” 

“It was. But I’m only here for a few minutes. I know you’re going to get ready for tonight. I just wanted to give you something.” He pulls a slim box out of his pocket and presents it to you. “I got this back home, after Chicago. Thought I was going back to New York instead of heading to war.”

You reach out and open it to find a gold necklace with a heart shaped locket. “Steve, it’s beautiful.” When you open the locket you find a picture of Steve tucked inside and you smile. 

“Since I have your picture in my compass I thought that you could, I don’t know, have mine here.” 

“It’s perfect, I love it. I’ll never take it off.” 

You placed the locket in the box before wrapping your arms around him again and kissing him deeply. 

“I’ll-uh I’ll let you get ready I’ll see you down there ok.” 

“Ok.” You smile up at him before taking the necklace from him.

The pub is full of soldiers, laughter and music. All eyes are on you as you walk in. You had to remember to thank Howard before the night was done for convincing you to bring a dress with you. Your hair was up and out of your face and your make up was minimal and you wore the locket Steve had given you happily. The commandos were sitting towards the back and close to the bar. From the sound of their lively conversation it seemed like most of them were already drunk and the sight of several empty glasses confirmed it. 

“There she is!” Dugan pointed as you walked toward their table. The other men whistled and whooped as you got closer. “Well don’t you clean up nice.” 

“Well thank you Dum Dum, I could say the same for you. Even Barnes looks presentable.” 

“Darling you wound me.” Bucky places a hand over his heart with a pout on his face. 

“Yeah well it’s what you deserve.” You feel a hand on your lower back and turn to see Steve standing next to you.

“You look beautiful, sweetheart.” 

“You look quite dashing yourself.” 

This causes the others to tease as you both stare at each other with heart eyes and matching dopey grins. 

“Dance with me?” He says with an outstretched hand.

“Of course.” 

“We want a dance too.” You hear Falsworth call out.

“I’m sure Steve will be more than happy to dance with all of you once we’re done.” You wink at them before turning and walking towards the makeshift dance floor.

The small band made up of soldiers started playing a slow song. One of Steve’s hands went to your waist while the other held your hand, leaving you to put your free hand on his shoulder. 

“I have to be honest, I'm not really good at dancing.” he confessed, almost as if it were an actual sun.

“You’ve never danced before?” 

“Not really, no girls wanted to dance with me before.”

“Idiots.” You scoff.

“Would you?” He asked as he swayed with you.

“Would I what?”

“Have danced with me, you know before the serum.” 

“Of course I would have. Pre Serum you has a very special place in my heart.” You smile up at him. 

“I love you.” Steve said it so easily it was like he had said it a thousand times before and not for the first time ever. 

“I love you too.” 

Both his hands are on your waist as he pulls you in and kisses you, passionately and deep. The hoop and hollering from the commandos have you pulling back sooner than you would have liked. 

“Well this is a nice first date.”

“Absolutely not. I want a proper first date and I have it all planned out.”

“So what is this plan?”

“Nuh-uh, it’s a surprise.” He smiles before giving you another kiss. “I will tell you that it will be the start of the rest of our lives.”

“I like the sound of that.”

When the music stops Bucky walks up and asks for a dance which you happily accept. The song is slightly more up beat and you can tell that he is definitely the more experienced dancer. You laugh with Bucky as he spins you around and he tells you stories of his and Steve’s adventures. Half way through the dance you see Howard and Peggy walk in. She makes her way to Steve quickly which earns an eye roll from you. 

This time when the music stops Howard walks over, without asking he takes your hand and leads you in a dance. But your eyes are on Steve who reluctantly accepts Peggy’s invitation for a dance. 

“With the look on your face someone might think I’m a terrible dance partner.” Howard’s voice cuts through your thoughts. 

“Sorry, it’s just…” you motion with your head towards them.

“Ah yes, well you shouldn’t worry. Steve only had eyes for you, no matter how much Peggy throws herself at him.” 

“Well she looks pathetic, and desperate.” 

Howard chuckles at your words. 

“How is the research going?” 

“It’s going well. Did you get the information I sent you?”

“Yes I did very interesting but something is missing.”

“I agree, but I’m close to the last part of the serum’s breakdown. I think we’ll have a new version out soon. Hydra isn’t even close to it from what I’ve found.” 

“Well at least that’s good news.” 

You look over to see Steve stepping away and leaving Peggy in the middle of the dance floor. He looks furious and he heads out the door. 

“Howard, if you'll excuse me.” 

“Of course. It was good seeing you stay safe.” 

“You too.” You head out the door and look for Steve, finding him around the corner from the building. 

“Hey what’s wrong?” 

“Nothing. I just left before I said something I would regret to Peggy.” 

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

“She wanted to go back to my room. I told her that I wasn’t interested. I love you but she won’t accept that. And- you know what it doesn’t matter because I’m here with you.”

“So would you be willing to go back to my room with me?” You say with a bit of a smirk.

“I’d go to the ends of the earth with you, sweetheart.” 

“Come on then, the end of the earth is this way.” 

He chuckles as he lets you grab his hand and pull him down the street toward the hotel you’re staying at. Not even halfway through the walk some soldiers get into a fight and Steve stops.

“Why don’t you go on ahead, I’ll take care of them.” 

“Ok.” You kiss his cheek. “I love you.” You whisper before you keep walking down the street. 

Right as you’re about to walk into your room you feel hands around your waist and you turn your head to look at Steve and panic sets in. You fight to try and free yourself from the hold whoever it is has on you but it’s not working. The hotel is practically empty and no one hears your pleas for help.

In that moment you knew that the last time you ever saw Steve was down in that street.

*********************************

You take a deep breath as your eyes flutter open. The cold from the chamber you’re in seeps into your bones. You feel disoriented as the chamber door opens and you wait for whoever is going to drag you into the lab but no one comes. On shaky legs you step out, holding on to the edge of the cryogenic chamber and you look around. The room is empty which is unusual. It’s usually full of hydra soldiers and technicians but you finally think it’s your chance to escape. You aren’t even sure how long it’s been since they put you in there but it doesn’t matter. If you can escape and find anyone you can hopefully get back to Steve and that’s all you want. Knowing him, he’s probably blaming himself for what hydra did. You open the metal door slowly, listening for anyone that might be wandering in the corridor. When you’re satisfied that it’s empty you walk out. The silence is good you think, it might mean that Steve and the commandos found you and they’re just working their way down to this level. 

After a few more steps you see someone turn a corner and you’re stuck where you stand. Not sure if they’re friend or foe you panic thinking they might be the latter.

“Y/N?” 

You recognize that voice. It’s a friendly voice and you’re flooded with relief. They walk closer and the light from the window illuminates Bucky’s face.

“Y/N, is that really you?” 

“Bucky!” You choke out before you take a few steps towards him. Bucky bridges the gap as he drops his weapons. His arms wrap around you in a comforting hug.

“Oh darling, I didn’t think I’d see you again.” 

You can’t even respond as you cry into his chest. 

“We have a friendly I’ll be right up.” 

You look up at him confused as to who he might be talking to but he ignored the look you gave him.

“Can you walk?”

“Barely. I’m not sure how long I’ve been in that thing.” Your throat is dry and your voice comes out raspy.

“It's ok, I’ve got you. Just give me a sec.” 

He grabs the gun he had dropped and he holsters it before scooping you up bridal style. He moves fast up the hallways and climbs the stairs two or three at a time. Bucky held on tight to you, he was shocked that he’d found you well and he was sure that the news of you being ok. You blinked a few times trying to adjust to the bright rays of the sun, it made you wonder how long had hydra kept you in those labs. 

“Can you open your eyes for me darling?” 

You blink slowly as you look up at Bucky. He gives you a lopsided smile before moving around you. You were currently strapped down in a seat but Bucky was there so you weren’t scared.

“You’re most likely dehydrated so we’re going to give you an IV ok.” 

“Did you replace me as the team nurse?” 

You hear him chuckle beside you. It is when you first look around and you’re again confused by your surroundings and then wherever you’re in moves. 

“It’s ok, You’re on a jet.” Bucky reassures you. “Clint is flying the jet.” Bucky pointed toward the front of the plane. “And this is my friend Nat, she’s going to help with the IV.” 

You look over to find a redhead walking towards you. She nods and gives you a small smile. She’s wearing a black suit that’s very form fitting and you look at her confused. Nat works quickly and sets up the IV, only doing so because Bucky’s hands were shaking so much.

“When did they change the nurses uniform? Have I been out that long?” You ask and you notice the way Nat looks at Bucky, concern written on her face and you turn to look at Bucky. He won’t meet your eyes. “Bucky, what’s going on? And where’s Steve and the others?” 

“Darling…” his voice cracks and a tear slips down his cheek. 

“Buck please, how long has it been since the night at the pub?” 

“It’s been 72 years.” He whispers and you gasp. 

“That’s not possible. Where are the others? Howard and Dum Dum, the rest of the commandos?” 

He looks at you with tears in his eyes before he looks away. Bucky shakes his head. They’re gone, all of them and it breaks your heart. How is it possible you had seen them a few weeks ago, they were supposed to find you and everything was going to be ok. You cry for all of your friends.

“Steve’s alive.” Nat offers.

“Did he live a good life?” 

“Barely, he’s missed you too much. He blames himself.” 

“Will you take me to see him?” 

“As soon as we land. I promise. Why don’t you get some rest.”

“I still don’t understand how you look so young.”

“I’ll tell you later.”

“Ok.” You say before your eyes close.

*****************************

“Darling, wake up.” Bucky says. “Y/N are you with me?” 

“I am.” 

“Let’s get you up.” You open your eyes to see him stand and move around to undo the IV. “We’re going to land in about 5 minutes.”

“Ok.” 

You look down as you prepare yourself for whatever is going to happen next. If it really had been so long since you were taken that means you have no one left and you weren’t sure how you were going to survive now. Bucky was there and of course he would help you, you know that but your family is gone and you never had a chance to say goodbye. The life you wanted next to Steve is gone too. The thought of seeing him is turning your stomach into knots and you can’t even picture him looking much older. You try to picture him with graying hair but it hurts too much that you didn’t get to grow old together. 

“Alright darling let’s go.” Bucky offers you his arm as he leads you down the ramp of the jet. 

There’s two men waiting by the landing pad. One of them was shorter with glasses while the other was taller and he was vaguely familiar. Nat and who you assume is Clint walk by you and into the building.

“Y/N this is Dr. Bruce Banner and this is Tony Stark, Howard’s son.” Bucky introduces you and you stare at Tony wide eyed. 

“Hi, I-uh I worked with your father.” 

“I know, he talked about you all the time.” 

“And I’m a fan of your work.” Bruce offered his hand and you gladly accepted it. 

“My work?”

“Yes, your notebook that was recovered in your room. It had a lot of great work in it. I’d love to go over it with you and show what scientists were able to do with your information.”

“I would like that very much.” You gave both men a small smile.

“I know that you must be feeling confused about all of this.” Tony waved his hand around. “But just know that we have a place for you here and if you need anything you just let me know.” 

“Thank you Tony.” 

“Alright we have one more stop before we get you settled.” Bucky says as he guides you towards the entrance. You follow him down a hallway and go up a few floors, having to stop a few times because you’re just tired. Bucky tries to explain the different floors but you can’t keep up. As you turn a corner Bucky explains that you're in the housing section of the compound and that most of the avengers, which he also explained on the way to this floor, lived at. Nat was already standing at a specific floor with another man. 

“You must be Y/N, it’s great to finally meet you. I'm Sam.” He walks over to you and offers you his hand which you shake.

“Hi Sam.” 

“The door is locked.” Nat informs Bucky, causing him to sigh.

“Friday, unlock the door.” 

“Sergeant James Barnes access granted.” You hear someone say and you look around for the source.

“That was the building talking.” 

“What?” 

“I’ll explain later. Come in.” Bucky opens the door and you look at Sam and Nat as they both take a black square out of their pockets.

“What are those?” You ask them.

“Later.” They say in unison. 

You walk in behind Bucky into an apartment. Although everything you’ve seen so far is new and you don’t understand half of it, this place feels like home. It has many of the things you do recognize and you think it belongs to Bucky but then you hear him call out. 

“Hey punk, get out here.” 

Your heart starts racing at the thought of seeing Steve so soon. There’s no going back now. Before you can escape you hear a door open and you brace yourself to see the love of your life. Then your breath hitches because he’s standing across the living room and he looks upset. Bucky  and Sam are blocking you from his view but you can see him clearly. He’s still the Steve you left behind. 

“What is it?” He asks as he plays with something in his hand.

“I have a surprise for you.” 

“Buck I’m not in the mood fo-“ his words are caught in his throat when Bucky moves to the side. Steve’s mouth was slightly parted and his eyes were open wide as he stared at you.

“Steve.” You say softly, your voice still slightly raspy but it’s music to his ears. 

Steve is stuck, frozen in place and he feels as if the wind’s been knocked out of him. You stood in front of him looking exactly how you did the night he lost you. He wanted to touch you, to hold you in his arms so that he knew it wasn’t another dream but he swore his feet were glued down. It didn’t matter because you moved towards him, in fact you ran and his arms opened just in time to catch you. And suddenly it wasn’t a dream anymore because you were there and he felt your tears on his shirt. When you pulled back he looked into those bright eyes he adored so much. 

“Sweetheart. Please tell me I’m not dreaming.” He whispered. 

“I’m here. This is real.” 

You cupped his face with both your hands and he put his forehead against yours. As his tears fell you wiped them away. 

“I’ve missed you so much. I’m sorry I didn’t find you. I should have tried harder.”

You pulled him in with a kiss to quiet his apology. He kissed you back with everything he had. 

“It’s not your fault. Hydra knew I worked with Erskine, they wanted the formula. I know you did everything you could to find me.” 

“It wasn’t enough.” 

“I’m here now and so are you. That’s all that matters.”

“They’re so cute. I’m gonna send this to everyone.” You heard behind you and you turned to find Sam, Nat and Bucky watching you, each of them with a smile on their face. 

“Ok that’s enough.” Steve tells them.

“Oh come on, she’s my friend and I did find her.” 

“But she’s my girl, now get out.” 

“I’ll see you later though right Bucky?” 

“Of course darling.” He walked towards you and wrapped you in another hug and as he pulled away you noticed his left arm. “It’s a long story and I’m sure I’ll explain everything later.” He kissed your forehead and left, taking Nat and Sam with him.

“Sweetheart, are you ok?” 

“No, yes, maybe. I just can’t believe it’s been 72 years.” You turn to look at him. “How do you still look the same age?” 

Steve sat you down and explained everything that happened after you disappeared. He told you about everything they did to try and find you and Bucky’s fall from the train. His fight against Red Skull and how he said you were dead. The plane full of bombs that he crashed and how he himself woke up in the future.  

“Steve, I can't imagine how that must have been for you.” 

“It doesn’t matter anymore.” He cupped your cheek, his thumb swiping back and forth while he looked at you. Steve studied your face and you did the same. “I have something for you.” 

“What?” 

He pulls out what he was playing with when he first walked out from his pocket.

“My locket!” 

“I found it on the floor that night.” You turned so he could put it on.

“I know there’s a lot for you to figure out, so what do you want to do first? Are you tired, do you want to rest?”

You shake your head. “I want what you promised me.” 

“What I promised?” He tilts his head slightly confused.

“Yes, a date. A proper one.”

Steve smiled and pulled you into his lap so that you could straddle him. You yelped in surprise as your hands landed on his chest. One hand was on your waist while the other cupped your cheek.

“A proper date it is.” He said before pulling you in to kiss you. 

Part 2

permanent tag list: @kunaikunari @rebekahdawkins @cjand10 @nalny5 @oliviafc15 @sturchling @angywritesstuff @seitmai @writing-for-marvel @goldylions @darkhairedmenrule @little—baby—bear @almosttoopizza @littleseasiren

[raccoonfallsharder]

Do you consider Rocket to be the most psychologically/emotionally complex character in the MCU? Maybe even a bit outside the MCU? 'Cause like, I do love Nebula and Loki, but seeing some people say that they had the best arcs and not mention Rocket at all is a bit saddening. Nebula had a significant part of her development basically skipped (the five years) and Loki practically speedran his organic character growth by watching a youtube clip of his death (I know there's more to it than that, but it still doesn't feel very satisfying).

Would love to hear your thoughts on this though!

baby raindrop, little chickadee, you perfect sprinkle ~

this is a complex question and i'm going to give you a complex answer. sorry you knew exactly what you were getting when you came to my asks (and i love it, thank you ♡ thank you ♡). this is messy and ill-thought-out, just a complete vomit of thoughts into my phone right now

so i'm going to (try to) answer two things here. the first is your actual question: is rocket the most psychologically/emotionally complex character in the mcu + maybe beyond? then i am going to share why i think he gets overlooked, which wasn't really your question but i can never shut the fuck up ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

so. is rocket the most psychologically/emotionally complex character in the mcu + maybe beyond?

i think this depends on whether you believe a character is only what a writer puts on paper (or on the screen).

rocket has the most psychologically and emotionally developed narrative in the mcu, for sure (imo). but that's not quite the same as being the most complex.

let's take captain america, for example. arguably the most boring character in the mcu. but this guy does have complexity - complexity that was never realized on screen. there was so much opportunity for the mcu to do something with him beyond a brief mention of peggy dying, or a joke about him recognizing a wizard-of-oz reference. like, that's fucking sad?? the whole world has changed? he's lost everyone he ever loved? but we're gonna boil it down to a list of movies he's trying to watch to get caught up on pop culture, and maybe a particularly devastating blow to a punching bag.

i think the complexity is there for almost every character in the mcu pantheon, but it is consistently ignored in favor of putting explosions on the screen. i would argue that rocket is the mcu character whose story has been told the most personally and the most lovingly, with the most attention to his experience and how it makes him move through the world, and that is why it seems the most complex.

want better characters? hire writers who are personally invested in those characters. i will say it a million times. i will scream it from the rooftops. disney, hire me (jk jk).

i do have a lot of loki thoughts but i don't want to derail from rocket here. but i'll share separately if you want!

now. why does everyone overlook rocket? honestly, because gunn did too good of a job lol. i'm kidding. mostly.

look, part of rocket's whole thing (his trauma, his characterization, his history) is that he is overlooked and underestimated, since day one, by almost everyone that ever came in contact with him except batch 89, groot senior, and maybe groot junior and nebula. oh and maybe thor.

we can blame that on his appearance, his social class, his general scrappiness, the stereotype of a lack of hygiene (raccoons are actually naturally pretty hygienic, grooming themselves like cats and digging latrines), or his bad attitude, but it's such a baked-in part of his character that like. of course the audience does it too. people dismiss this guy all the time (fellow characters as well as audiences) because he's fucken raccoon scrounging for units. (similarly, i think this relates to why people read tony's "tech-genius" moments more clearly than rocket's: because classism.)

this, combined with the fact that i think gotg has more niche appeal than the wider mcu (wild to me), means people just don't think of rocket the way they should when it comes to weighing out character development and progression.

rocket raccoon will always, always be overlooked and underestimated. but i think if we can take anything from the movies, it's this: it doesn't fucking matter.

he's still learned how to be happy, regardless of what other people think.

[deke-rivers-1957]

Least favourite elvis characters

Good question anon.

Since I haven't fully analyzed all of his movies yet, I'm just gonna the characters from favorite to least favorite for movies I did review.

1: Jodie Tatum

I'm sure some of you are as shocked as I am that this almost universally panned film gave me the best Elvis character so far. Jodie when you really look at his character is the perfect main character to have in an Elvis movie. As much as I typically despise the cocky, womanizing jock type character, Jodie managed to have all of those character traits and not be annoying. Just by looking at his scenes alone you can write a completely new movie where he's the main character and you would have a significantly better movie. Everything you need to write a movie about a young man learning to become humble and set aside his differences with someone he doesn't stand for the purpose of achieving a common goal of uniting two worlds through marriage is right there. Saying that a side character genuinely deserves their own movie more than the actual main character is the ultimate compliment.

2: Deke Rivers

It was so hard to pick between my number 1 and number 2. As much as I love Deke as a character, unless you want to write about him before the events of the movie or expand on what happened during the movie, Deke doesn't have that much potential for a story. His character arc is complete and he went through the most change out of any Elvis character. There just isn't really that much left to his story where you go "I want to see a sequel and see what happens next."

3: Scott Heyward

This is the best character writing out of all of the cheap to make era Elvis films so far. Scott has actual depth by not wanting to use nepotism to get everything he wants in life. Scott acknowledges that he's in fact privileged but doesn't use that as an excuse to lord over the lower classes. As much as he admittedly doesn't understand having to make a dollar stretch and wanting to have a comfortable lifestyle, he doesn't shame Dianne for doing what she does. The only thing keeping him from being #1 is that it seems out of character for him to want to be with Dianne on a romantic level since she's actively doing the one thing he wanted to get away from. Unless we have a character arc explaining what changed, it just doesn't make sense.

4: Walter Gulick

I admit that Walter doesn't have much of a character arc. But that doesn't matter to me, because the appeal of his character is his relationships with others. He's in the cynical world of boxing, but still has a wholesome outlook on life. Watching him interact with the done with life New Yorkers is incredible. Even though he knows they look at him strangely, he still has a high level of respect for not only the men but also women. It's honestly incredible that Walter isn't once tempted to be with anyone but Rose. Just a wholesome character with a good moral code and shows that not every character needs to have a significant flaw to be interesting.

5: Vince Everett

As much as I find him unlikeable, I think his character has a lot of fanfic potential. Seeing this otherwise everyday man's fall from grace, become one of the hottest artists in America then suffer a possibly career ending, life-threatening injury is such a wild ride. You can easily write introspective stories on why he became a jerk, how he felt when he though he lost everything, and see if his relationship with Peggy will work out.

6: Rusty Wells

Definitely a dark horse of an Elvis character. I wasn't expecting to like him as much as I did. In the first half I thought he was just going to be somewhat of a Tulsa. But once he got in a bar fight with drunken frat boys just to keep Valerie out of trouble, he immediately became way more interesting. The face he makes when one of his band mates ask him about Valerie is so telling. He genuinely cares about Valerie's well-being. And watching the process of seeing this flirtatious man genuinely fall in love and want to stay in a committed relationship is a pretty good character arc for a cheap to make beach film.

7: Clint Reno

I would've been perfectly fine with his character but the last 20 minutes of the movie or so has him go completely off the rails. Him losing his mind about Cathy potentially cheating on him can work as long as it's written well. Given his perceived age there's plenty of ways you can write this concept that shows a different side of Clint without making him completely switch to the "villains" side.

8: Charlie Rogers

Had all the potential of being a great character yet the writers completely dog on him. As much as he has flaws, I genuinely couldn't care because everyone else in his movie were much, much worse. Him wanting to go back to the carnival makes no sense because of how terrible he was treated. I think if done well he can be an interesting character.

9: Glenn Tyler

As much as I like the backstory and think he has the potential of being an amazing character, I don't think his story was handled well. Some of the decisions that he made don't feel like they fit with his character. He doesn't really love a lot of room to write introspective stories since we already have a full idea of why he's the way he is.

10: Mike Edwards

I really like his dynamic with Sue-Lin. It adds a level of depth that makes an otherwise generic nice guy interesting. Even though he doesn't have a character arc, the conflict that he's put in is so engaging. This conflict doesn't end with him learning a lesson, but it allows him to show a different skillset that otherwise wouldn't exist. I still believe that his romance plot with Nurse Warren wasn't necessary but at least it still shows how not everyone who goes through an unexpected conflict end up having a complete transformation.

11: Tulsa McLean

Tulsa is just a generic main character. He does have some comedic moments where he's sassy with his superior officer and "Tiger". Him being of Native American descent and having a lot of experience with women doesn't really add anything to his character. At least he does have a specific goal and the romance he has with Lili gives him an interesting conflict.

12: Rick Richards

I just don't think he's a memorable character. The conflict he faces is a result of his own actions but it really doesn't matter because he doesn't learn anything. His romance is so much of an afterthought that they don't even kiss until the very end. We get more of a focus on the people he used to be with than focusing on him overcoming that past. You get more invested in the Hawaiian background and the Polynesian Culture Center than you do with him.

13: Josh Morgan

The most boring Elvis character. His only goal isn't even his own: it's the Air Force who wanted him to go to the mountain. We don't learn anything about him outside of his distant relation to the Tatum family. His romance with Azalea doesn't give us any interesting dynamics and just feels pointless. He is a completely nothing character to the point where he shouldn't even be a main character.

[nerdy-stilinski]

tagged by @rosieposiepuddingnpie <3 (down bad with Covid rn so hence the quick turnaround bc this is the PERFECT distraction)

Last movie: Terrified (a wild Argentine horror movie)

Last show: Percy Jackson (have I cried every episode bc of pure nostalgia? maybe.)

Last song: ALICE by Peggy

Song stuck in my head: Work Song by Hozier

Favorite color: green, but especially deep, foresty greens, or emeralds

Currently reading: Iron Gold by Pierce Brown (a reread!)

Currently watching: Project Runway, bc there’s nothing like reality tv when you’re violently ill

Next on your watchlist: Dog Soldiers, maybe? I’ve been eyeing this one on Shudder for a good minute and I love a good werewolf horror

Currently consuming: water and vitamin c in increasing quantities. also saltines

Currently craving: god Ben n Jerry’s half-baked. I would probably throw it up but I want it

Sweet/spicy/savory: savory usually!

Relationship status: single but might be moving towards dating? been on a few dates is what I’m trying to say

Current obsession: teen wolf. it’s always teen wolf. nobody ask me anything about what i feel about stiles stilinski rn bc i have been chewing him between my metaphorical teeth

Three favorite foods: fried chicken, mashed potatoes, pasta

Last thing you googled: “darcy kuemper Stanley cup” because I was talking to Eli and trying to illustrate that Washington is where goalies go to die post-2018

Dream trip: I want to go travel Europe with my best friend after I graduate - we’re both saving up for it actually :))

Anything you want right now: for my pounding headache to go away tbh

no-pressure tags: @elisela @faiataka @missanniewhimsy @stilinskiderek @dear-massacre @outtoshatter @halevetica @raisesomehale

[socially-awkward-skeleton]

OC Interview: Kit Cross

Tagged by @incognito-insomniac​ to put these together for the babes. I'm doing them all separately because it's quite long.

Tagging: @direwombat @noetikat @roofgeese @confidentandgood @natesofrellis @funkypoacher @strangefable @perhapsrampancy @adelaidedrubman @sstewyhosseini @strafethesesinners @derelictheretic @marivenah @lethal-justice @purplehairsecretlair and anyone else who wants to give this a go (no pressure as always)

Wheaty pushed the microphone in front of her face. “Go on Dep, your audience awaits."

Kit stared at him with an ever deepening scowl. “Do we really have to do this? I got Peggies to deal with.”

“It’s a morale boost. People wanna know about the hero of Hope County.”

“Fine. But don’t ever call me that again.”

Name?

“Kit.”

“Full name?”

“Well damn, if anyone’s heard the radio calls with John they already know my real name.”

“Just -”

“Kathleen Cross. I prefer Kit though.”

Are you single?

She sighed, the answer was complicated...”Yeah.”

Are you happy?

“We’re fighting a doomsday cult. What do you think?”

Are you angry?

She cocked an eyebrow. Was this even worth her time at this point?

“Seriously?”

Wheaty placed his hand over the microphone. “Come on, work with me.”

“Well I have WRATH carved into my chest for all to see, so yeah, I guess so."

Are your parents still married?

“Yep.”

Birth place?

“Fort Benning, Georgia.”

“Wait, why don’t you have an accent?”

“We moved when I was six months old.”

Hair color?

“Red.”

Eye color?

“Blue.”

Birthday?

“November 14, 1986.”

Mood?

“Annoyed.”

“Generally or just right now?”

[Dead Air]

Gender?

“Female.”

Summer or winter?

“Summer. At least then I can go camping comfortably.”

Morning or afternoon?

“Morning. Got the whole day ahead of me then.”

=EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE=

Are you in love?

“No.”

Do you believe in love at first sight?

“About as much as I believe in guardian angels.”

Who ended your last relationship?

“Me.”

“Why?”

[Dead Air]

Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

“Absolutely.” Her eyes fell to the floor, she wasn’t going to add any further detail.

Are you afraid of commitments?

“No. If I was, I wouldn’t be putting my neck on the line every day, now would I?”

Have you hugged someone within the last week?

“No.”

Have you ever had a secret admirer?

“Lord help them if I did.”

“What about John?”

She scoffed, “He was hardly secretive about it. Wouldn’t call it admiration either, more like obsession.”

Have you ever broken your own heart?

“More often than I care to think about.” She dragged her cross pendant across her chain back and forth.

=SIX CHOICES=

Love or lust?

“Love.”

Lemonade or iced tea?

“Iced tea.”

Cats or dogs?

“Cats.” A small grin tugged at her lips.

A few best friends or many regular friends?

“A few best friends. To be honest, the less social interaction the better.”

Wild night out or romantic night in?

“Night in. Not necessarily romantic though. I’m not one for partying.”

Day or night?

“Night. The stars and the moon have always been my preference.”

=FOUR HAVE YOU EVERS=

Been caught sneaking out?

“Nope.”

Fallen down/up the stairs?

“Nope.”

Wanted something/someone so badly it hurt?

“Every goddamn day.”

Wanted to disappear?

“That’s why I moved here. Guess that blew up in my face.”

=FOUR PREFERENCES=

Smile or eyes?

”Eyes.”

Shorter or taller?

She paused, biting her lower lip. “Taller.”

Intelligence or attraction?

“Need to have both to make it work.”

Hook-up or relationship?

“Relationship.”

=FAMILY=

Do you and your family get along?

She clenched her jaw, and cracked her neck. “Next question.”

“Oh come on.”

“Next question.”

Would you say you have a “messed up life”?

“Do I have to bring up the WRATH on my chest again?”

Have you ever run away from home?

“Was tempted to once. Never went through with it though.”

Have you ever gotten kicked out?

“In a way.”

=FRIENDS=

Do you secretly hate one of your friends?

“I’m not close enough with anyone to call them friends or to hate them.”

Do you consider all of your friends good friends?

“What did I just say?”

“Sorry.”

Who is your best friend?

“Don’t have one. I mean I guess if I had to say the closest thing to a friend I have is in Joey.”

Who knows everything about you?

“No one. I’d prefer to keep it that way.”

[piratesandexplorers]

Well, some time last year I said I was going to watch the not-so-new-anymore Swallows and Amazons film on Netflix, but apparently it's taken a dose of Covid to lay me up in bed and actually get me to do it.

I have lots of thoughts, as I promised I would...

(Spoilers ahead I guess, but nothing big that's not fairly obvious from trailers etc., I don't think.)

There were a lot of little nitpicky things that annoyed me, but I could probably have got past those (actually, no I couldn't, but never mind) if the whole thing had been good enough to carry me through. I'm obviously biased, and it did have its good points, probably fun enough as a kids' film, but I genuinely just think it was poor storytelling, which is extra disappointing as it was based on such a good story. Some of the bigger things that I had problems with:

The Spy Plot. I don't really have that much to say on this one because it's obvious that the second they decided to go with this idea, it stopped being Swallows and Amazons. The modern thing is to believe everything needs Super High Stakes and Lots Of Action or kids will be bored. I think they're wrong, but there we go. (Sorry, Andrew Scott, I'd watch you in anything, but you didn't belong here.) But even accepting that for what it is, I just don't think they did what they were trying to do particularly well, so on that note...

Character development and relationships. So much went wrong here, I don't know where to start. Obviously they butchered both John and Susan (presumably because they lazily read them as boring and, rather than read any deeper, just changed them entirely), as well as Mrs Walker and her relationship with the children. Genuinely, what's wrong with writing families who like and trust each other? Captain Flint was already ruined by the spy plot, but his eventual switch to being the nice fun uncle didn't work well even in the context they gave him - it felt like they just went "and actually he turned out to be nice, which you should just accept and not question because it's just a kids' story so it's not that deep". Which does such an injustice to the original writing. Then there are the Blacketts, who need a third point all to themselves:

The Blacketts. I was so disappointed with Nancy and Peggy. I feel bad criticising children, but I didn't think the actors playing them were good at all (compared to the Walkers, who could all act). But the real issue I had with them was their lack of screentime?? They barely appeared, we had no time to get to know them, to care about them, or to see any sign of genuine friendship between them and the Swallows. There was no spark to them at all, no sign of Nancy's charisma, or sense of them as the wild rule-breakers. Mrs Blackett was a non-character too, which is forgivable as she was sort of a non-character in the first book, but given that they did give her extra screentime, they could at least have given her some characterisation?

The Pacing. I feel like this point wraps the previous ones together, because the cause is the spy plot and the result (or one of them) is the bad/non-existent character-dev. There's no time for the characters to unfold, no time for them to sit and talk to each other, no time for extra scenes that show relationships, no time for fireworks on the cabin roof or parleys around the campfire or Vicky/Bridget's birthday or fishing trips or Octopus Lagoons or Nancy bullying policemen on John's behalf. Even the Black Spot gets delivered in a moment at the dining table, with no explanation of what it means. And it's mainly because most of the time is taken up by the Big Plot, but it's not only that - those small but important scenes are also replaced by things like losing the food hamper, and John shouting at Roger, and Roger falling in the lake. Things they obviously decided were more Dramatic and Exciting, but actually do nothing meaningful at all. It all just feels completely rushed, which is the opposite of Ransome's vibes. And not only that, but the piling on of difficulties, and problems, and fights, and things going wrong, just makes the whole island camping expedition seem entirely depressing, rather than a taste of joyful freedom.

The Aesthetic. Related to the last point, but I did think that the one thing we would get from this film, since they filmed on location, would be the feel of the Lakelands and the scenery and rural Northern England in the 20s. I got almost none of that. Again, probably because the only things they cared about were spies with guns and ramping up the sense of danger and difficulty at every turn.

It sounds like I hated the film, and I didn't hate it. It was fun to watch, I thought the kids playing Tatty (whose name change I do get) and Roger were particularly good, and I liked the Billies (although less so the fact that Susan and Roger didn't even meet them, and Tatty screaming the place down over the adder).

I just didn't think it was particularly good as a film, let alone an adaptation of Swallows and Amazons. Which, as a Swallows and Amazons fan, is just really sad.

What's funny to me is that the Netflix synopsis says: "When four siblings camp on an island in the middle of a lake during their vacation, they fall into a whimsical turf war with two boisterous rivals." Which is... far more of a description of the original plot than of the plot of the film.

[nkatr84]

Happy New Year! 2023

Once again it’s New Years Eve and my yearly tradition of wrapping up the year by reviewing things that have come out but I haven’t had time to write about. Here we go!

Doctor WHO: Wild Blue Yonder and the Giggle

Wild Blue Yonder was just the perfect amount of creepy, mysterious and suspenseful with pure nightmare fuel. And Neil Patrick Harris was perfection as the Doctor’s old foe the Celestial Toymaker. Plus a great regeneration scene to introduce Ncuti Gatwa’s Doctor without having to say goodbye to David Tennant’s 14th.

The Marvels

I liked Captain Marvel and Ms Marvel so I knew I’d like this one. Is it a perfect movie? No. But it is fun. But you do have to watch Ms Marvel and Wandavision to know who everyone or it’s hard to follow along. As my parents found out. They still liked it enough but you have to be a super fan to really enjoy it.

Doctor Who: The Church on Ruby Road

I am so hyped for Ncuti Gatwa’s fifteenth doctor! This was a fun episode and a great introduction to a new companion with a great mystery set up and I can’t wait to see what is next!

Migration

This was cute. Not amazing or super funny but cute. The little duckling Gwen is the best part. That’s it.

The Color Purple (2023 Musical)

It’s well performed and all the musical numbers are great, but if you saw the original you know it’s better. I do like how Sug and Celiy have a stronger friendship and I even like how Celiy forgives Albert in the end here. And the explanation of how she inherits her mother’s house and gets her business is better handled.

Wonka

I loved this. It’s so fun and whimsical with just enough of a dark edge to tie back to the original book and moreover Gene Wilder’s sarcastic chocolate maker in the 71 version. It’s not a direct prequel but it definitely feels like this story could lead to that one. Plus Timothee Charlamet surprised me by how good of a singer he was! And he’s very charming and ties the whole movie together. Plus it’s written by Simon Farnaby of the BBCs Ghosts so it’s got that clever writing in it.

Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom

I don’t know why but I like this movie more than the first one. Maybe because I can feel how much fun Jason Mamoa had making it. Maybe because I’m a sucker for a reformed villain that helps his older brother defeat the ancient evil threatening their family (which is weird that’s it’s happened twice) but I do like the story and the action and that it’s got a happy ending.

What If Season 2

Here we go…the big one…one Episode at a time…

What if Nebula Joined the Nova Corps?

This was a fun neon noir mystery with one of my favorite new characters. And it really proves that one way or another Nebula was meant to become a hero.

What if Peter Quill attacked Earths Mightiest Heroes?

Or what if the Avengers assembled in the 1980’s? Basically Peter Quill is taken to his father Ego as a child. But once Peter realizes what his Dad is making him do, he returns to Earth because he’s still a good kid. He’s still a kid so he uses his new powers to make Coney Island his own playground so Hank Pym Antman, Goliath, Bucky Barnes Winter Solider, the Black Panther (Tchallas Dad) and Wendy Larson Mar Vel and Thor come in to take him in. It’s a fun team up. Especially when you add Peggy Carter and Howard Stark.

What if Happy Hogan Saved Christmas?

I’ve never seen Die Hard, but I’ll be happy to watch this every Christmas! This was fun seeing Happy be the hero for once. With a great return for a villain that we haven’t seen much of.

What if Iron Man crashed into the Grandmaster?

I loved this one! It was great seeing Tony taken out of his comfort zone on Sakarr. The Grandmaster does have that affect on people…lol. It was face paced and clever with jokes and story. Just great.

What if Captain Carter Fought the Hydra Stomper?

This whole episode was a sequel to Captain Carter’s story in season one. Basically it was her version of Captain America:The Winter Soldier but with the Red Room instead of Hydra. Captain Carter is always great and seeing her lose Steve again was sad but then the season plot comes a calling and she gets pulled into it.

What if Kahori Reshaped the World?

This was a great story and it features a new character! Basically Asgard gets destroyed before Odin can hide the Tesseract but it ends up in North America where a Mohawk Indian woman named Kahori winds up getting powers from it. And she’s a great character who I’m sure fulfilled a power fantasy for native Americans and gets to see a superhero like them at last.

What if Hela Found the Ten Rings?

I liked this one too. This basically has Odin banish Hela to Earth instead of locking her away. And while she starts off her usual villain self, we see her change into the hero she could have been. Plus Odin is back to being the worst parent in the MCU since we learn Hela just wanted to rule to gain her freedom since her Dad made her a weapon against her will.

What if the Avengers Assembled in 1602?

Okay I loved this one too. It was fun seeing an Elizabethan version of the Avengers with Captain Carter pulled from her universe to save there’s. And after she meets Steve Rogers, our hearts get broken all over again when they don’t get together again. Basically I really hope they’re building up to having Captain Carter finding a happily ever after with another Steve Rogers that lost his Peggy.

What if Strange Supreme Intervened?

Which brings us to the finale. So this season’s storylines aren’t quite as intertwined as last seasons, but when Strange Supreme showed up in Kahori’s story and then at the end of the 1602 story I knew something was up. And sure enough he tricks Peggy into finding Kahori for him after she escapes him. Turns out he’s been collecting villains and heroes to power a spell to restore his universe. He just couldn’t escape his grief. It’s got a bittersweet ending and Captain Carter has more adventures in store…speaking of which…

Hey Peggy? See that big tree there? There’s a really cute God of Stories in there that needs to be rescued. Just drop him off on Earth 1218 and I’ll take care of him. Thanks Doll.

Happy New Year!

[the-truest-sentence-i-know]

Fandom: Agent Carter

Pairing: Peggy Carter & Michael Carter

Rating: G

Summary: Before his death, Michael wrote Peggy a letter. After his death, Peggy writes in response.

Word Count: 1.2k

ao3

written for @peggycarterbingo

prompt: Writing Format: Letters/Journals

October 13th, 1940 – Lampeter, Ceredigion, Wales

Dear Margaret,

You do not know me, but I believe the attached letter is for you. It was sent to me amongst my late husband, Reggie’s, things. He was Lieutenant Reginald Reese, a friend of your brother, Michael.

I hope this letter brings you some comfort.

                Cordially,

                                Alys Reese

May 27th, 1940

Dear Peggy,

I don’t like the way we left things, so I’m writing to clarify what I meant.

You can obviously do whatever you want. Lord knows wild horses couldn’t stop you.

This is why I have always expected you to defy any and all who want you to conform to what they want. But I suppose that includes me as well.

But you have an opportunity to do something– I will not say ‘more,’ as marriage and motherhood are as honourable a pursuit as any other; I will simply say ‘different.’ If anything good is to come out of this war, it is that it gives you a chance to do something different. Something you would not have been able to do otherwise.

You are one of the strongest, most determined, and most clever people I know. Whatever you set your mind to, you will work at doggedly until you inevitably succeed. I just ask you to choose that goal carefully. Make sure it is truly what you want.

Whatever you choose, I’m sure I will be proud.

                Your loving brother,

                                                Michael

P.S. I am sorry about what I said about Fred. If you truly love him, then he is perfect for you. I suppose as an older brother no man will ever be good enough for you in my mind. But if he is who you want, then I won’t say anything more about it.

October 14th, 1940 – Woodstock, Oxfordshire, England

Dear Michael,

It feels a bit foolish to write a letter that I cannot send anywhere. But it also did not feel right to leave your letter unanswered.

I broke it off with Fred and joined the S.O.E. Not because of your letter, but because you went off and got yourself killed, and made me tear up my whole life at the roots. Probably for the better, but it’s still your fault. Mother is not pleased either, but I suppose that was inevitable.

Training is difficult but in a satisfying sort of way. The moves you taught me have come in handy. I’ve been sore in muscles I didn’t even know existed, but the other girls here are lovely. In regards to the men, it very much depends.

I suppose I should thank you for recommending me, but since I’m the one doing all the work to become a spy (a spy, that still sounds so absurd and fanciful), you’ll forgive me if I don’t.

They say the survival rate is 50% in the field, but for some reason that doesn’t worry me all that much. It almost feels right, to be finally putting myself on the line after you, after so many of our boys, have been doing so for so long already. I will not discount the work we did as codebreakers, because that was just as important, but you know me, I like to get my hands dirty.

And with any luck, I will soon. I suppose I don’t have to censor any details since I’ll never send this. There’s a German scientist held captive by the Nazis, a Dr Abraham Erskine. Our commanding officers are currently coming up with a plan to extract him. They haven’t yet told us who will be going, but I’m hopeful. At any rate, I’ll have an opportunity soon enough.

I almost don’t want to end this letter. This last communication with you. Which is a bit daft, I suppose.

I just wanted to tell you that I’m now doing something that I feel I was meant to do. It feels right. I hope I’ll make you proud.

                Love,

                                Peggy

April 10th, 1945 – Woodstock, Oxfordshire, England

Dear Michael,

I had intended that to be my last letter to you, but something has happened and I found that the only person I wanted to talk about it with was you.

Everyone keeps asking me to talk about it, that it will make me feel better. They just want me to cry and be the grieving girl who lost her man on the front. And I don’t want to be that.

Steve and I weren’t sweethearts. We both were more and less than that. I wasn’t waiting at home for his letters, I fought at his side. He centred me.

We never told each other ‘I love you,’ and that seems like a foolish thing to focus on, but it seems important. Because I know that if we did exchange letters, he would write it in every one. He would write the most earnest letters and I would read and reread them constantly like a lovesick schoolgirl.

The war is almost won now and neither he nor you will see it. And without you, I never would have met him. Without your death, I never would have met him. And I hate you for that a bit because I didn’t need this. I didn’t need to fall in love during a bloody war. I was content and fulfilled with my work. I didn’t need someone coming into my life, leaving a torn gaping hole when he died – an American no less.

So I work. They’ve finally let me in the field again, thank God. I work and I plan and I shoot up Nazis, and so long as I keep moving, I don’t have to think about all of this.

I know Howard worries (Oh, yes, I didn’t mention that I have become something like best friends with Howard Stark now. Yes, he is insufferable, but he means well). He thinks I’m not taking care of myself, which is rich coming from him.

I can worry about myself when the war is done. Maybe I’ll write to you again when it is.

                Love,

                                Peggy

May 9th, 1945 – London, England

Dear Michael,

The war has been won. At least all of this wasn’t for nothing.

                Love,

                                Peggy

March 17th, 1946 – New York City

Dear Michael,

I suppose I owe you one last letter to tell you that I am doing okay.

I live in New York now. Steve was not the reason I came here, but I think he is part of the reason I’ve stayed. I can see why he loved this city. It’s beginning to feel like home.

I work for the Strategic Scientific Reserve, and I enjoy it. I have coworkers who I have made respect me, and I have friends I care about.

Mother still worries about me. I haven’t told her exactly what I do, but I think she suspects. She spotted the scar on my shoulder last summer. She didn’t ask about it. I think she would rather not know the details.

I miss you. I wish I could show you the city and have you meet my friends. I think you’d like them.

This is the last time I will write to you, so, goodbye Michael.

                Your loving sister,

                                                Peggy

[flanneryculp]

hello!! i made a tb8 pinterest board if you’d like to check it out :) https://pin.it/2dGNdT9

THIS IS SO GOOD AND DETAILED, OH MY GOD?? going through your boards was an experience because sometimes you'd collect just the right quotes and pictures that would make me feel shrimp emotions and then you'd post a funny but very fitting meme in the same board and the whiplash is so real (in the best way. truly keeping up with the tonal style of tb8 lmao) i have Thoughts on every single section

halloween

so pretty! i especially like the picture that says one hundred thousand visceral human emotions, it reminds me of flan's monologue about adam losing his humanity and becoming just meat as she slaughtered him.

kate & adam

this isn't a dynamic i think about too often but this is so good!! rip kate, between garth and adam she's really had the worst luck with relationships hahah. honestly this made me think about how much he screwed her over, too, how upset kate was. i think it's really interesting how she acted at the end of the book, post-halloween. i've always wondered what she, in particular, thought about adam's death since he also broke her heart

flan & gabriel

awhh noo this hurt. the sweet handwritten messages, especially. also, i like the detail on how most of the pictures in the board, the guy was the one initiating and the girl was more passive. v fitting.

flan & adam

THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE SECTIONS!! the way the blood and screenshots about obsession and kissing comes together is just perfect. the "i don't deserve to die" picture is SO them, i read it in their voices.

flan & kate

i was really glad to see a section for them here, because imo they are one of the most underrated dynamics in the book!! 😭😭 THE "ME AND THE BESTIE" one is SO accurate i've never even thought about that before. and the one where they're looking out at the mountain. also, kate with red hair is so real!! honestly the pictures in her boards were really fitting to how i pictured her in the books

flan and natasha

I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO SAW FLAN/NATASHA AND JENNIFER/NEEDY PARALLELS!! i was watching jennifer's body for the first time around the same time i was reading tb8 for the first time and megan fox jennifer check permanently influenced how natasha looks in my mind.

THE LANA DEL REY LYRICS <3 <3 <3

in all of these pictures the theme i see really strongly is intimacy, the way they hold each other, laughing together. really accurate

the ones where they look out at the water hurt :( and the ones about mirror images

"i took care of that thing for you" and the shovel!!!!!!!

the devotion, the foreboding, the "anything you want, natasha"/"do something" energy from this board is fantastic.

flora habstat

she's so cute holding that pot!! i'd invite her to my dinner parties any day. also i do like the camera imagery associated with her. i'd never thought of that before, but it really fits considering she took The Picture, took pictures at the halloween party, and also was the one who got to be on tv.

adam state

the "peggy--satanic ritual victim" has all the right vibes--perfectly captured that late 90s tv energy. the bloodshot eyes, the bloodied shirt! perfect, perfect, perfect.

douglas wilde

loveeee all the black and white pictures here, really gets that film noir energy that douglas exudes. i love the "sorry girls, i'm gay" shirt--with that suit and vintage font! i would love to own that shirt irl lol. and the one with that guy entering the room, the one that's sort of blurry? so him. i can imagine him offering absinthe, for sure.

gabriel gallon

he is so sweet. THE PASTA TUMBLR SCREENSHOT is so real. and the flowers, awh :( i want to give him a hug

v___

the lucifer's daughter picture, yes!!! i adore the style you gave her, the vintage jewelry box and hotel room especially. so elegant

lily chandly

really love this interpretation of her, and the picture of crying :( also her hair looks so soft and neat here.

jennifer rose milton

she's so perfect!! i love how light and graceful everything is, definitely matches up with how i imagined her in the books. her perfect grades, the french crossword, so chic! i think jenn should get to throw rocks at people, as a treat.

kate gordon

surprised and delighted to see all the theater kid references in this! kate truly was born to play a starring role. love the touches of blue, and her freckles!!! <3 <3 the "you know what's wrong with me?" post just encapsulates her too.

natasha hyatt

the water/liquor bottle made me exhale aloud. and seeing marlene dietrich, all the books, yess! i also really like the bath one. the femme fatale of all time <3

flannery culp

flan's style is hard for me to get a clear mental picture of but this encapsulated it perfectly. I WANT HIM SO BADLY (I MIGHT BE LESBIAN) is possibly the most flan thing of all time. and the picture of "structure structure structure" with the static over it--!!!! how do you find these things? all the themes of anger and desperation. she is the most regular girl of all time <3

honestly this is one of my fave fanworks for tb8! thank you so much for sending this to me, i can't even imagine how long this must have taken. you seriously have an eye for this stuff. if you ever do more, tag me or send them to me! i love this so much <3

[lucidapricity]

I hear ur making this an ask blog so I wanna know, simple scenario:

Y/N asks, "May I have this dance" to each of the angels individually. What do they each say?

ooo this is interesting, imma imagine that a slow romantic song is playing in this scenario and that the reader developed slight stockholm syndrome after getting kidnapped. might as well have some kind of other fun in the hellhole the reader is trapped in.

namjoon would gladly take your hand to dance, he’s not very good at human movement so expect being constantly stepped-on and stumbling around. but once he gets into the swing and rhythm of the song, it’s pretty sweet scene to experience. imagine the peggy and steve scene in endgame (don't come for me about this spoiler, the movie has been out for a while now >:C ). he apologizes quite a bit for being a slight klutz after and offers to wrap up your feet if they still hurt.

jin would be hesitant since he is not at all good at dancing, he never participated in such things like that so it’s basically a wild mess. his pride would get the better of him and he’d blame you for messing up and would be constantly telling you off to stop laughing at him or else he’d have your head (which of course is an empty threat). it’s cut short anyways but the next day, he’d be telling you to get up and dance again so he can show you that he's actually really good at dancing (he's not but he can't take the L).

yoongi refuses your offer but if you pull him away anyways to dance, he would at first scold you for making him do this and then dance. he’s pretty decent at it and doesn’t say much, only quietly asking you if he’s doing it correctly and carefully avoiding stepping on you. it’s moments like these that make you see him a different light and it's a pretty tender moment between the two of you. he's the one that asks about doing it again one day when he gets better and he's all shy about it too.

hoseok immediately takes your hand and the two of you dance the night away. he jokingly scolds you if you make one wrong move but he's taking this shit seriously like you two entered a dance competition. he’s good at it, pulling you around the room and exaggerating every move with precision, the two of you ending up laughing and collapsing on the floor afterwards completely out of breath. it’s a fun experience and he’d ask you to do this again another day.

jimin takes any chance for your bodies to touch one another so of course he’s taking your hand. like hoseok, he’s good at dancing but it’s more sensual and graceful kind of dance than the others. but he's actually having fun and not really insinuating anything, twirling you around and doing dramatic dips here and there. it's electrifying really with how smooth he moves the two of you around, he puts you to shame with any dancing skill you have. the thing is he dances until the both of you drop and we all know that fallen has a lot of stamina.

taehyung needs some guidance with dancing, but he's good at it as well. it's a slower dance though as he doesn't want to step on you like namjoon but he also surprises you by picking up the pace once he starts getting the hang of it. it's almost like he was pretending to be a stranger to it but you didn't mind teaching him the styles of today's world. the way he makes eye contact with you every time the song reaches its peak makes your heart swoon and he ends the dance with a small kiss is pretty charming right?

jungkook is no stranger to dancing and he gladly takes your hand to dance. he watched hoseok and jimin dance in private (in both the heaven realm and down in the earth realm) and practiced by himself. the two of you laugh it off when each of you make a mistake and he utters little compliments occasionally. if you didn't know it, you would've thought that he was an expert at this. he's very handsy though and you have to constantly drag his hands down to your hips but dancing with him is pretty comforting in all.

[gleefullypolin]

Oh my, the fighting in the OUAT fandom was wild. I stepped in the tags once and saw the most ridiculous fights. Captain Swan was canon at the time and I saw them consistently attacked by other Emma ships and I was like, welp, I'm always down for a non-canon ship but I also have the critical thinking skills to understand what canon means, haha.

That pirate might have been the time I realized I have a very specific type. 😤

I always love a good underdog so I immediately loved Pen, she had my whole heart because she was trying so hard and just kept struggling. I don't think enough people pay attention to just how much some of the things she's done to protect people, even if the methods are maybe not the best, affects her. She's carrying such an immense burden but in a time where women aren't allowed to have the accomplishments she does, she's also got this thing that's hers and hers alone, she's successful because she made it that way, no one else.

They could make me very invested in Eloise's season but I agree, it will probably depend on how this season and next (if Benedict's) goes. It feels like they gave Eloise Colin's jealousy about LW from the books which I think makes more sense for the show, Penelope was doing all of the things Eloise had talked about doing. If Eloise had paid Penelope any real attention in s2 she would have figured it out much more quickly.

Which makes me hope Colin's reaction is more of the protective anger we saw in the books, that man was incensed and scared to death. With how protective Colin already is of her in general, I feel like it wouldn't be out of the realm of possibility.

Oh yes, I am not usually one for period stuff but the Polin of it all took me down. I enjoyed s1 as it was. I think s2 was more interesting overall for me but I wasn't really watching for more than Polin and Eloise.

Book Colin was absolutely insane over Penelope physically and I think that would be something that would be a good addition, and having him say what he does about being with others vs her in the books is something that should be included, whether he says it or it's woven throughout the brothel/polin scenes. There needs to be a marked difference in the way he is in them and I think we'll see that. It was obvious with Anthony (I don't remember the s1 scenes tbh ha) so I think that's part of their narrative for the male leads. The way Colin is with her is definitely why we love them, if they could kiss already that would be great.

I get fanon vs canon. I mean I ship Black Widow with Captain America so I totally feel the sting of shipping something you will never see on screen. I live in fan fiction for that. But I would never go after the Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers fans over it. Like it wouldn’t even occur to me to start a fight over it.

The OUAT stuff, well there were so many ships that were canon and fanon that were going after Captain Swan, and I was like…nope I’ll just enjoy the show because damn they were already angsty enough as it was on the show without the outside influence. They didn’t need anyone else saying “What if they don’t end up together” because damn I had no idea if they were going to leave him dead or not towards the end of that and it was painful enough having that last season without Emma around…

But YES, I love the underdog. And back to our beloved ship at hand, Pen that poor girl. I must say that I could give her an award for her brilliant eye rolls and looks of disgust she gives that no one pays attention to. Gotta love her true disgust with society. People truly do discount her, so one can’t blame her for wanting to go after that. I think many people forget how young she is and do not allow the mistakes she has made for her age. To think of the mistakes I had made by age 19. Damn! If no one had forgiven me for those, where would I be.

I feel like Eloise hasn’t paid nearly enough attention to her friend to have not figured out LW sooner OR to have figured out that she’s head over goo goo gaga for her brother. To think that she was writing Colin just to hear about his travels…sure girl.

I will give my right arm to see protective angry Colin. That whole taking her hand into the room and smashing the necklace thing last season leading right into a dance….yeah give me puffed out chest, this is my Pen, Colin, and no one is going to hurt her, terrified that the Queen is going to cut off her head, Colin.

I saw Nic’s comments today about how they didn’t hear them yell cut in the carriage scene, and they kept filming and I’m thinking holy hell when we get to that scene in June I may melt down for how much that scene will kill everyone and no one is going to even remember there were ever other suitors or women that even existed. I think the moment they kiss in episode 2 the entire Polin fandom will be too numb to argue about anything! And if they aren’t I don’t think either of us could help them anyway!

[littlecourseofhorrors]

Fear in the Treasury: Fox Theatre Hamilton (live, 2024)

This is, obviously, not a horror film breakdown. But I want some place to memorialize this…so 🗣️

I was graced by the live presence of the recent touring cast of the Hamilton production…..here is my professional analysis. Or just some nonsense ramblings about my slight ten year hyper-fixation. Either one.

This is the second (2) time I have seen this show (live), and this experience was so much more enjoyable than the first. Not to say my first viewing of Hamilton was anything to sneeze at, but I hadn’t been all that impressed by the performances of Eliza and Washington. This time around, Eliza had been better for me- especially in the second act when we got around to Burn. I held out hope that the overly youthful cheery glow from the first act would dissipate. Not because it wasnt a thrill to see Eliza happy, but i hoped it wasn’t the only way she’d be represented while depicting the transition of time. And baby girl did her thing! The actress was great at presenting a young girl falling in love only to evolve into a woman with a family and issues that truly impact generations to come. She ate that: 7/10

Amazing Angelica!!!! From the very beginning, this actress came up and showed out with her vocals. A big part of this performance-the show as a whole- is that not a single person wasted time trying to recreate whats been done before. Every moment felt like a story was being told, not just sung. And even if there is something that cannot be outdone by the original Broadway cast- these babies (grown folk) did exactly what they had to do. Ate that up: 11/10

Would have loved to fuck Burr’s voice?? Like seriously, the man could sing and improvise like hell. Would have liked to see more emotion given in the room where it happens, but on a whole, he wasn’t anything short of stellar. Ate that up: 8/10 (yeah yeah the rating is literally less than stellar)

Lafayette is actually funny- funny as hell. As in, i know a performer and former church choir kid when i see one. I wasn’t the biggest fan of his voice at first, but as Lafayette in Guns and Ships? Now that singular song should get album of the year. In the second act, he really got to play around with his role as Jefferson, and i loved every second of it. Something about the hehe/haha energy he had with it ….does glorious things to me. Ate that up: 9/10

George Washington was played by the same actor as last time…which i held out hope that after 3 years since the last time I saw him, I would have some good notes on him. And he did do a lot better! Right up until one last time, where he started off well, lost me with his version of emotional singing, and brought it back in the end. Ate that up: 7.3/10

King George was questionable for a minute there, but he was funny as hell and really played the part in a way that i hope King George III would fucking hate💕 He was very animated, and upheld the title of one of the best spots in the show, even if i wasn’t the biggest fan of his singing every time he was on stage. Ate that up: 9/10

It’s utterly hilarious to me that i have no notes on the main man of the show himself…but i assume I gotta add him and say a little somethin’ about him. The actor was fantastic! Bald man in a wig will always win. His voice and tone was very on spot for the manic, mad scientist energy that Hamilton starts to exude. Definitely made hamilton a bit more relatable…a bit. Ate that up: 9.5/10

Mariah/ Peggy was pretty good, although i was quite confused as to why there was an understudy performing unannounced. Would have loved to see the full main cast. But making out with HamMan during say no to this? Wild. Ate that up: 8/10

Philip!!! 🥰 really dont have a lot of notes on this role. the actor was featured in the program with a full expose about how he came into this part for Philip/laurens. Was a pretty good performance! I loved him more as philip, especially when he ran off stage as a 9 year old definitely would. But his death as laurens was also quite moving…all in all, he did that! Ate that up: 8.7/10

Last remarks on this show…cant wait to see this again. The spoken word was such a different approach for me! Given that this show is a full musical- which many were not a fan of when it first dropped- i still appreciated how the actors delivered the lines to tell a story through more than just song every once in a while. Costumes were still fantastic, i fucking loved the lighting direction (this may just be due to the fact that i had balcony seating this time and could see more of the show), and the ensemble really came through- as always. Final, overall ate that up: 9.3/10