#it's one of the slice of life anime i genuinely enjoy watching throughout

[ellitx]

Kaleidoscope Memories | Shiki Souma x Reader

Never in Souma's life did he think he'd be head over heels for you and become his muse. Your presence in his life transformed him in ways he never thought possible, making him grateful for the unexpected love and artistic passion you brought into his world.

ASDJSAKJDASJDA I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM GRRRR ARF ARF WOOF WOOF BARK BARK ARF BARK GRR I WANT HIM TO BE MY BOYFRIEND 😭 ISTG EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM MAKES ME SWOON OVER HIM GRRR 

also here’s the first part of my "Reverse Fanfic" Series! Once you're done reading from top to bottom, read it from bottom to top by parts ;) im kinda playing safe here with the tooth-rotting fluff story before i delve into the more dramatic and angsty writing so yeah this oneshot is more of an experimental but nonetheless i enjoy writing this and i will write more for him :>

general warnings: fem!reader, tooth-rotting fluff, smooches and huggies for souma <33

word count: 3.7k

i. Cooking

 It’s no surprise that Souma is a hardworking person. He always tries his best in everything to find a new unique talent that he can call his own specialty. Despite how forgetful he is and how often he makes slip-ups in his daily activities, you still find everything about him cute.

And so when he asked you if you could teach him how to cook so he can create homemade dishes for his brother and for himself, you eagerly accepted his request. He doesn't want to make the same mistake after that gyudon incident.

“I wanna try making another bento.” He told you, watching you take out the grocery items from the bag he bought with you.

“That’s a good start. We can start by making egg rolls.”

Staying in his apartment really makes you feel at ease and comfortable. Everything around here is just homey and warm. You sometimes wish you could sleep with Souma but it’s embarrassing since he lives with his brother, but nonetheless, they always welcome your visits— and not because your cooking is so good and they’d love to taste more of it.

As you both stood in the kitchen, cracking eggs and slicing the carrots and green onions, you couldn't help but smile at Souma's earnestness. He approached cooking with the same determination he applied to his studies, and it was endearing to witness his enthusiasm for this new venture.

As you guided him through the steps, you noticed how he carefully followed your instructions, grasping the techniques swiftly.

Throughout the cooking session, there were some adorable blunders—like mistaking sugar for salt, again, and forgetting the order of ingredients—but each mistake only made the experience more enjoyable. Fortunately, it wasn't too salty that the dish was inedible.

You found yourself unable to resist the overwhelming affection you felt for him. His earnest efforts and genuine excitement were simply too endearing to ignore. As he giggled at yet another mix-up, you couldn't help but lean in and plant a gentle kiss on his rosy cheeks.

"Souma, you're just too cute," you said with a fond smile, feeling your heart flutter with affection. "Even your blunders make me adore you even more."

He blushed, his cheeks turning an even deeper shade of red, but the grin on his face grew wider. He loves being adored by you but he wants more. And so his mischievous side came to the forefront, eyes glinting in slight excitement.

"You missed," he whined, a small pout drawing over his lips. His complaint had you puzzled by his words and before you could ask for clarification, he leaned in playfully, attempting to give you a cheeky kiss. However, the unexpected bump of your nose made the moment turn awkward.

A soft stifled chuckle escaped from Souma's lips, but he quickly composed himself, his cheeks tinged with a slight blush. Embarrassed by the situation, you couldn't help but playfully frown and lightly slammed his chest with your fist.

“Souma, don’t laugh!”

The laugh he was trying his best to hold back slipped right out of his lips and came right out was a series of hearty chuckles. Hearing such genuine happiness made your stomach have butterflies fluttering all over the place.

“Sorry, sorry! The sound you made was so adorable when I bumped into you.”

Embarrassed by the situation, you couldn't help but smile back, appreciating his lightheartedness. Your boyfriend has always been like this, constantly finding every small thing positive, even his mistakes and it’s what made you fall for him. Without missing a beat, he kissed you tenderly, making your heart skip a beat.

"I love you," he whispered against your neck, burying his head over and the ends of his hair tickled your skin. A warm and fuzzy feeling enveloped your entire being and in that moment, all the mishaps and teasing melted away, leaving only the sweet intimacy between the two of you.

As you wrapped your arms around him, you couldn't help but reciprocate his affectionate gesture.

Well, he deserves that kiss.

 ii. Cuddling

 Feeling his warm embrace on the couch, you couldn't help but be absorbed by the enticing world of online shopping. Your boyfriend nuzzled closer to you, trying to capture your attention, but you remained engrossed in the virtual realm of fashion.

He playfully squeezed your waist, attempting to draw your focus away from the screen. "[Name]-chan, if you want to buy clothes, we can go out shopping," he suggested, hoping to entice you with the idea of a date.

You giggled at his adorable pout, leaning back against him, savoring the comforting scent of his cologne. "We could, but I'm not finding anything that catches my eye right now," you replied, your thumb still scrolling through the pages.

"But Tokyo has so many stores and malls," Souma insisted, his determination evident. "Shinjuku and Shibuya are great places to find cute clothes."

As he mentioned the bustling shopping districts, you couldn't deny the appeal of an actual outing. Turning your head to meet his gaze, you found his eyes filled with excitement and anticipation. His desire to spend time with you was evident, and it melted your heart.

And it hurts you to deny him more than all those tear-jerking shoujo animes you have watched with him. As much as you loved the idea of spending time with Souma and going on a shopping date, a part of you wanted to stay cozy on the couch a little longer. However, you knew how much he looked forward to the outing, and the last thing you wanted was to see him sad or disappointed like a sad puppy.

"Actually, you know what would be just as fun?" you suggested, trying to find a compromise that would make both of you happy. "Let's have a cozy day in. We can order some delicious food, binge-watch our favorite shows, and just cuddle here on the couch."

His face lit up at the mention of cuddling, and he pulled you closer, wrapping his arms around you.

"That does sound nice," he admitted, his smile returning. "But I was really looking forward to going out with you."

You couldn't resist his adorable pout, and your heart melted at the sight. "I know, and I really appreciate that," you said sincerely, brushing a hand through his pink hair affectionately. "But I promise we'll have just as much fun staying in. Plus, it's more intimate, and I get to have you all to myself."

His pout softened into a half-smile as he considered your words. "Well, I guess spending time with you is what matters the most," he said, snuggling closer to you.

"That's the spirit," you replied, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead. "Now, how about we make this cozy day extra special? I'll pamper you with all the attention you want, and we can have a date right here, just the two of us."

Souma's eyes lit up again, and he nodded eagerly. "Okay, deal!" he said, his enthusiasm returning. "As long as I get to be with you, I'm happy."

With that settled, you both settled back into each other's arms, relishing the warmth of each other's presence. The prospect of a cozy day turned out to be just as wonderful as you had hoped, and as you enjoyed the comfort of cuddles and each other's company, Souma was already dozing off. The gentle warmth, comfort, and feeling of being so close to you lead him to a sense of relaxation and contentment whilst you’re locked in his arms.

 iii. Gift

On your anniversary, Souma surprised you with a thoughtful gift—a mint green colored teddy bear adorned with a cute cap and earrings that reminded you of him.

You wondered if he intentionally did that and created small accessories that highlighted his sense of style and fashion so you can always think of him even if he’s not by your side.

The moment you laid eyes on the teddy bear, you couldn't help but smile so widely, touched by his sweet gesture.

“Souma!! This is so adorable! I love it so much~!!”

You tightly hugged the toy, the cuteness fever rush was taking a toll on you and you heard him chuckling across you.

“I thought I’d buy it for you when I saw that when I was shopping. I’m glad you like it.” He pecked your cheek and hovered his hand over to the box you were holding.

“There’s more inside~” he cooed enticingly and just from the light in your eyes was enough to make him melt right there and then. God, he thanks the heavens for meeting you and appearing in his life.

You harvested through several paper star origami and you saw a white synthetic white sheet. And you couldn't believe your eyes. Your heart fluttered and raced a thousand miles and you almost cried just how much effort he put through in this.

Deep in the box were multiple polaroid films of you and Souma together. The image of him hugging you from behind, your hand gently cradling his face as you both smiled at the camera, brought tears of joy to your eyes. You were so grateful for his creativity and thoughtfulness, touched by the effort he put into curating these beautiful memories.

“Souma-kun~!! Ah, stop being so romantic!”

You playfully scolded him, hiding yourself on his chest so he can’t see how red your face was. Souma merrily laughed and caressed the top of your head. He missed capturing your bashful face but he didn’t miss how red your ears are. He’s so tempted to scoop you in his arms and kiss you all over the place. From your nose to your temple, then your cheek, and down to your neck—

"Oh? Since when did you take this?"

He turned to you and saw you were holding a photo of yourself smiling with a white flower in your hand.

Souma snickered, a smirk drawing over to his lips. "It's a secret." He uttered each syllable playfully with a wink, holding out his index finger over to his lips. 

Blushing even more at Souma's playful teasing, you playfully swatted his arm, trying to hide your embarrassment. "Stop being sneaky," you murmured, but the smile on your face betrayed your attempt to scold him.

As he caressed the top of your head, you couldn't help but melt into his touch. His playful laughter and affectionate gestures made your heart skip a beat. And you cherished these moments of pure happiness with him, clearly enjoying the adorable back-and-forth between the two of you. He admired your spirited and cheeky side, which only made him fall deeper in love with you.

Though the fondness ceased when you flipped over to the next image.

“Pft…”

Your boyfriend tilted his head and he noticed how your shoulders were shaking. “[Name]? What’s wrong?”

“I-it’s nothing,” your voice wavered and he grew concerned that is until he saw you holding a piece of paper which was the poem he wrote for you.

Roses are red, violets are blue

I cling to you like a glue

Will you please be my please be my dream come true?

Oh, he repeated the “please be my” when writing the poem.

 iv. Movie Date

A lot of things have been bugging his mind and to this day he knows that he shouldn’t mess this up or else he’ll bury himself from embarrassment if he did.

Souma sighed, his heart hammering in his chest as he waited for the service crew to arrive with the snacks he ordered.

He meticulously selected his outfit, second-guessing each choice, wanting to make a lasting impression. His hands trembled slightly as he tried to style his hair, hoping it looked just right. Left and right, he’s been fidgeting a lot. From readjusting his wristwatch to opening his camera phone to check his appearance, and then fumbling with the buttons of his shirt.

It’s a constant repeat from here to there and it felt like hours waiting for his order. He wanted everything to be perfect, knowing that this moment held the potential to become a significant change in his life.

He recalled standing at the agreed-upon meeting spot, he spotted you approaching, and a mix of awe and nervousness washed over him.

He couldn't help but feel grateful for the chance to spend time with you. His cheeks reddened slightly as he greeted you with a smile, admiring how adorable you looked in the dress you wore, hoping it hid the nervousness he felt.

“Sir, your order is here.” The voice across him halted his thoughts as he reverted his eyes to the source. He blinked and then realized his order arrived. Souma chuckled lightly before taking the two drinks from the counter. He thanked them, gave a small bow, and went off to search for you.

Good thing you weren't there or else you might see just how airheaded he is. That would be so lame... Shaking his head to get rid of those possibilities, he set his focus back on his objective. He spotted you standing near the corner, your back facing him, engrossed in the movie posters displayed on the wall. Excited to share the snacks with you, he hurried over, his eyes fixed on your figure.

“[Name]-chan, I’m back!” He jogged to where you were, making sure he didn't trip and drop the drinks. “I got your drink.”

Upon getting close and standing next to you, his eyes widened when an unfamiliar face turned to him. “Um… Is there something I can help you with?” The stranger sheepishly asked, a blush forming across her cheeks when there was literally a hot guy talking to her.

Souma blinked and his face turned slightly red as he chuckled, realizing his blunder. "Oops, I'm sorry," he apologized, trying to hide his laughter. "I mistook you for someone else. My apologies!”

The stranger chuckled as well, amused by the mix-up. "No worries. Happens to the best of us," she replied good-naturedly.

Embarrassed yet trying to maintain his composure, Souma quickly made his way to find you, his heart still racing from the funny yet embarrassing encounter. This time he made sure the girl he was approaching was you.

“[Name]-chan!” You looked up from your phone and saw Souma walking towards you before handing you the drink with a bashful grin. "Here you go, got your favorite drink," he said, relieved that he finally found you.

You couldn't help but giggle at his adorable flushed face. "Thank you,” you said, taking the cup from him. "You almost gave my snack to a stranger."

Your date exploded from embarrassment. His entire face was covered in bright pink and steam coming out from his ears.

“Y-you saw that?”

He can’t find himself laughing at this situation. Normally, he’d laugh it off but if you saw that, then he just wants the ground to swallow him up.

As Souma's embarrassment reached its peak, he couldn't help but wish for an escape from the situation. His heart pounded even faster, and he felt like he was melting under your gaze. With a sheepish grin, he attempted to hide his flushed face with his hands, the heat of his embarrassment evident in his entire demeanor.

"I-I can't believe you saw that," he stammered, his voice slightly shaky. "I was so nervous and... I must have looked like a complete goof."

You couldn't resist the urge to reach out and gently pat his shoulder, reassuring him with a warm smile. "Don't worry. It was kind of cute, actually," you said, finding his flustered state endearing.

His pink cheeks grew even rosier, and he managed a shy chuckle, still embarrassed by the situation but grateful for your understanding. "Thanks for being so nice about it," he said, appreciating your kindness.

Souma’s very much aware of how love-struck he is when it comes to you. He’s mesmerized by your presence, drawn in by your laughter and the sparkle in your eyes, and hearing such a warm giggle had his heart fluttering all over the place. His stomach was churning and turning in multiple ways just how adorable and sweet you are.

Despite his initial nervousness, he realized that being with you felt natural and effortless. The conversation flowed smoothly, and his worries slowly melted away in the warmth of your company.

 v. Perfect Capture

“Sorry for dragging you out here with me, Shiki-kun.”

You and Souma strolled through the garden park, the vibrant blooms and serene surroundings were so beautiful you hoped that the gears in your head could work again and come up with an inspiration.

“Don’t worry. I appreciate you inviting me to go with you. I was having a rough time as well thinking of a good design for the project.” The graphic designer assured you with a soft smile.

As you both continued to walk through the garden park, you couldn't help but feel a sense of comfort in Souma's presence. The peaceful ambiance and the beauty of nature seemed to have a calming effect on both of you, washing away the stress and worries of the day. This place is so relaxing and gorgeous, he wondered how come he didn’t know this place. It’s as if he’s entered a secret garden with all these flowers blooming and the trees full of life.

"This place is amazing," he remarked, his voice filled with wonder. "I can't believe I've never been here before."

You smiled, feeling a sense of pride for introducing him to this enchanting spot. "It's one of my favorite places to visit when I need inspiration or just some peace and quiet. I'm glad I could share it with you."

As the sun dipped lower in the sky, casting a golden glow over the garden, you found yourselves lost in the beauty of the moment.

“Shiki-kun, look!” Kneeling down to the ground, you pointed at a flower with white petals. With a grin on your face, you started explaining how the flower symbolizes purity and a vow of fidelity.

As you talked and explained the meaning of the flower, Souma stared at you in awe. Your voice went deaf to his ears but the glow of your figure being radiated by the sun gave a soft golden warm tone over your skin. The white dress complimented your features further, and together with the hydrangeas in the background, it’s the perfect spot for this scene.

You were still admiring the little flowers, playing with their petals, lost in your own river of thoughts. The smile donned on your lips right now is so beautiful, the kind that could make even an angel blush.

Unbeknownst to you, Souma couldn't help but admire how beautiful and captivating you looked in this natural setting. Your eyes sparkled with excitement, and your smile exuded a sense of joy that he found utterly mesmerizing.

He wanted to capture this moment, the genuine happiness he saw in you. He mustered up the courage to snap a picture, capturing this moment in his memory.

With the DSLR camera in his hand, he discreetly positioned himself, silently framing the shot, careful not to interrupt the flow of the moment. He snapped the picture, wanting to hold onto this glimpse of you, this snapshot of your essence in that idyllic setting.

And as he gazed at the photo he had taken, a thought crossed his mind.

You’re the most gorgeous person Souma had ever taken a shot of.

  vi. Inspiration

Souma keeps overthinking about the designs he made.

Your own goodness and confidence… He always wondered where he could get those things.

When he spends his days wielding his strengths to figure out what he really has, there are times he can’t get up from the wounds he gets…

How he wished the ground to eat him up and never return.

“Woah, Shiki-kun, did you make this?” The thrilled voice cut him off from his depressing thoughts. He turned and saw you there, eyes gleaming and sparkling excitedly he could almost see stars in them.

Souma rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly and looked at the ground. “Yeah, it’s not that great so I have to throw out this design and make a new one.”

“Eh, no way! This looks amazing though! The way you chose the colors and the typography is so stunning!”

As you complimented Souma's work, the genuine admiration in your voice struck a chord deep within him. The small praise you gave him meant the world to him, and he couldn't help but feel a glimmer of newfound confidence in his creations. Your encouragement felt like a warm ray of sunlight breaking through the clouds, dispelling the self-doubt that had been plaguing him.

He looked up from the ground, his eyes meeting yours, and he was taken aback by the stars in your gleaming and sparkling eyes. You truly believed in his work, and that belief made his heart swell with gratitude.

"You really think so?" he asked, his voice still tinged with uncertainty, but a flicker of hope had ignited in his eyes.

"Absolutely! I mean it, Shiki-kun," you replied earnestly, your enthusiasm contagious. "Your designs are unique and captivating. Don't doubt yourself. Trust your instincts, and let your creativity shine."

His face flushed even more, but this time it was from the warmth he felt inside. Your words were like a balm to his wounded confidence, soothing away his insecurities.

You saw the beauty in his creations when he struggled to see it himself. Your genuine appreciation and belief in him were like a gentle wind beneath his wings, pushing him to soar higher in his pursuit of creativity.

“Thank you.”

His heart fluttered from your compliment. It may seem nothing to others, but to him, it’s enough to give him that confidence he needed. Looking at you, your smile was radiant and beautiful— as if he was in the morning field of flowers.

As the canvas of his imagination unfurled, a whirlwind of ideas danced across his mind like vibrant brushstrokes on an artist's palette. In this torrent of creativity, amidst the swirling hues of inspiration, a single thought emerged like a guiding star in the night sky—you were his biggest muse.

[formulaorange]

Fall 2022 Anime Reviews/Ratings

Bleach: Thousand Year Blood War It's been a good while since I've enjoyed and anime this much. Bleach was one of if not, the first anime I ever watched and I could not be more stoked to have been able to watch its continuation now, 10 years later. This was actually a bit of a surprise. The first half honestly felt like an artists serious depiction of a historical drama and the music absolutely set the tone throughout the whole half. The themes were on point, the art style was out of this world and it definitely hit hard. The second half has was much more classic bleach and easily brought up the mood but also had a solid balance of important story arcs that really filled in some pieces of the world that I didn't know I needed. I loved every second of this season and this is the kind of quality this show deserves. 10/10 - Masterpiece

Chainsaw-man This was a manga that I personally didn't enjoy, just wasn't for me, but damn the anime is solid. While I still didn't feel too attached to the characters, I thoroughly enjoyed the way they did the story. The animations were god honest next level. I can't imagine anything past the quality we have in this series and man I wish MAPPA applied this much tlc to other series like JJK. (Maybe season 2 🤞) Overall a solid action, sci-fi? punk?? series. 9/10 - Great

Blue Lock - (Still airing - 12/24) Another highly-anticipated series. I only recently picked up this manga and low-key it sucked that the english releases were so far behind. Volume 3 released after the anime already aired the same content. Besides that, this series is an absolutely amazing sports series. It hits all the checkboxes for a standard quirk-based sports show but also outdoes it with stellar animations. I love the style so much and I'm looking forward to what other series this studio picks up. (Same studio that did Tensura) 9/10 - Great My Hero Academia - Season 6 (Still airing - 13/25) This season is honestly what I've been waiting for. I feel that each season has it's peaks, but we're definitely hitting the climax of the story here and I'm loving it. The series has really come into it's own and has some serioulsly solid action and super-hero sequences. I genuinely enjoyed this season the most out of the series and high hopes for the future of this show. 9/10 - Great

Spy x Family - Cour 2 I have been waiting for the tennis arc to be animated. My god, I love this show. It really just hits everything I need from a shonen series and makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Never a moment without entertainment and I just love the characters so much. 9/10 - Great The Eminence in Shadow (Still airing - 12/20) I was genuinely surprised by this show. Its concept isn't anything crazy but I feel the writing is really well paced and is just generally very entertaining to watch. 8/10 - Very Good

Bocchi The Rock This is definitely the slice of life of the season. I had a lot of fun with the characters in this show and low-key related to a lot of the awkwardness bocchi emanates. I felt it was just overall such a simple and wholesome series. A good one to watch for fun. 8/10 - Very Good Mob Psycho III I'm a huge fan of ONE's works. One punch is easily one of my top 5 series. While I really enjoyed the first two seasons of mob, I found I just wasn't as into this season. The first half was slow and really didn't feel special. The second half, while it was awesome to see and is definitely amazing, there was really just nothing of note to spark it. Like this all happened in one episode. In the end, the animations and story are still far better than many shows out there is definitely worth watching. 8/10 - Very Good I'm the Villainess, so I'm Taming the Last Boss I actually loved this one. It took a trope that's typically seen in fantasy novels and turned it into an anime. I really like the different stories and arcs that took place in the series and I ended up getting quite attached to all the characters. 8/10 - Very Good To Your Eternity Season 2 (Still airing - 10/20) I've heard a lot that this series really falls off the further you get into it. While I do agree that it's nowhere near as good as the first half of season 1, I still really enjoy the progression of time and Fushi's evolution. I think the story so far is interesting enough to continue watching but definitely less hook than the original concept. 7/10 - Good More than a Married Couple, but not Lovers This series was a lot of fun. I think it walked a really fine line between the right amount of ecchi/spice and wholesome. Again with this one, I really like the different scenarios the characters were put in and while I did enjoy the series, it still felt like it lacked something for me. Either way, definitely a fun little non-standard romance series. 7/10 - Good The Bibliophile Princess I didn't think that I was going to keep watching this show after the first few episodes tbh, but i'm glad I did. I felt that it was a really nice genuine romance that addressed a lot of things in their world. They just did the genre well and I enjoyed the series. 7/10 - Good

Reincarnated as a Sword I know the LN readers have been waiting for this one. I think what i've found recently is that I really enjoy the concept behind these kinds of isekais but I've been preferring to read them rather than watch it. The series kinda felt mid. I did like the characters and the stories but didn't feel like anything special. I'm sure the actual novel is probably more entertaining and worth a read. 6/10 - Fine

[helloandwelcometomariasblog]

Review #107-109

Review #107: Suzume

It was okay. It wasn't extraordinary. There are many other Japanese animation films that are more interesting, well-written and deeper than this film. I liked how they tried to provide an artistic and somewhat spiritual explanation behind the frequent (and devastating) earthquake disasters in Japan. I'm sure they are traumatic for Japanese people and many people who have been affected by them constantly question why they happen so much in their country and they wish they had some answers to their questions. I feel like this film tried to tackle that and provide some healing and explanation in the form of animated art. Kind of like showing the people that this is actually what happens when earthquakes take place, so don't be too afraid or heavy laden. But other than that attempt, I felt like I was pulled here and there throughout the movie (especially with Daijin and the appearance of Sadaijin) and I actually didn't like how Suzume was so incredibly obsessed and infatuated by the dude. I found it cliche.

Review #108: Monster

Neither the title of the movie nor the poster appealed to me when scrolling through the movie section, but the moment I saw the director's name I pressed play without missing a beat. It was my favourite director, Koreeda Hirokazu. I think I've given almost all of his movies a 5/5 on my blog. As I watched, every scene screamed his name in the calmest way possible. I absolutely love his minimalistically beautiful cinematography, the absence of music (I love, love, love how he doesn't influence his audience's emotions with unnecessary music, and I love how he tries to portray real life - in reality, we never have emotional music playing in the background), and the slice of life feel. I enjoyed and lapped up every single moment of this film.

However, the best, best part of the film was the unpredictable story. I was constantly questioning my assumptions and yearning for the actual truth. The film took me by the hand and slowly led me through each character's perspective. In the beginning, I empathised completely with the mother. How could the school do this? I went through every single one of her emotions - intense worry for my child, overwhelming anger at his teacher, and frustration at the principal. Then the film showed me the teacher's perspective, and I realised how one-sided I had been. This time, I went through the teacher's emotions, my frustration towards the principal evermore increasing, but now with the added suspicion that one of the children was either a bully or a sociopath.

It was then that the film took me to see the same story from the children's perspective. It suddenly all made sense, everything fell into place, and I understood why everything was so complicated and why the actual truth had been so hard to decipher and see. I couldn't believe how intricately the film had taken me through the journey. It had been a very long time since I'd watched a film where I simply could not predict what would come next. It had been a long time since I actually had no idea what the truth was. I was desperate for an explanation, and the film gave the audience the truth in such an interesting, mysterious, emotional, beautiful and dramatic way. Loved it. Loved the experience.

Review #109: Isn't It Romantic?

Okay, this was hilarious. I wasn't sure what to expect in the beginning, but I found myself genuinely enjoying the movie and cracking up throughout. I really liked the heroine, and I enjoyed her humour. In fact, the movie was achieving a high rating in my head until the end. To be specific, the exact moment was when the protagonist had that moment of realisation in the wedding hall and slowly said to herself, "I need to love... me." That was just cheesy, predictable, cliche, and ruined the entire movie for me. Even if that was the overall message, I'm sure they could have done it in a less cheesy and overly direct way. I dunno. I guess I expected it to end in a more witty and somewhat satiric way, just like they had been doing so till that moment. Suddenly it became some kind of self-help bestseller. Suddenly it became every single book and video and post that coo, love yourself, you can't love someone without loving yourself, learn to love yourself. I'm so sick and tired of that overly preached message. I guess I'd hoped that the film would have done it in a more... witty, new, and entertaining way. Oh well.

[translationandbetrayals]

So, why is Bocchi a Seinen?

Usually I don’t really look at genres or demographics before deciding what series or movies I’m going to watch, so I was curious to know what the genres of some of my favorite animes were, more specifically their target audiences and demographics. Personally I didn’t think these would matter much as everybody can enjoy whatever they like, but I was surprised with 2 specific series I’ve watched recently, which are very similar yet share contrasting audiences.

I’m talking about ‘Aggretsuko’ and ‘Bocchi the Rock’, which are Josei and Seinen respectively. Josei is used as a description for Japanese media targeted at adult women, while Seinen is for media targeted at adult men. The reason I’m surprised about this is because both series are very similar when it comes to plot and characters: Both are slice of life anime series starring female characters, both which have plots and stories that come off as very relatable especially to people with social anxiety and similar disorders. Before this I thought they’d share target demographics, as I’ve known Aggretsuko has a really big female audience since I started watching the series, and one of my female friends has a hyperfixation for Bocchi the Rock as well, but I was wrong! I learned that Bocchi the Rock is and always has been a Seinen, even its manga is a Seinen, and after checking some forums online, a lot of people have also posted about how the Bocchi fandom has a really huge percentage of male fans. 

However, after analyzing both animes I can probably guess why that’s the case. Unlike Bocchi, the protagonist of Aggretsuko (Retsuko) being an adult woman is a huge key factor to her character, as she tackles and overcomes problems that can only really be encountered by someone living under a feminine gender identity, such as the explicit misogyny and implicit allegories encountered throughout the series. A lot of plots and arcs would straight up just not exist had she been male. This obviously makes the story more relatable for women who watch the series than men. In the case of Bocchi the Rock, girlhood doesn’t really play a role in the story, or not a big one at the very least (in the anime at least, as I have not read the manga), and I believe that swapping any of the characters’ gender would not change the narrative at all, which is not the case for Aggretsuko.

While Aggretsuko has multiple plots that are more relatable for women than men, Bocchi the Rock can be relatable to anybody regardless of gender identity, but since both the Bocchi manga and anime have male target audiences, I genuinely think that the characters were chosen to be female for male appeal and marketing, as it makes their negative traits look more “cute” and “appealing” for male viewers, which would certainly not be the case if the same characters were male. (I’M NOT SENDING ANY HATE, and I don't mean any of this in a negative way, I like these two shows still, and anybody can enjoy either of them, it’s just interesting to think how things like these can affect narrative and marketing)

- Pau Moraga Moris

[basic-otaku]

My thoughts on Xue Yang's character (based on the drama and novel)

Xue Yang is a character I didn’t fully understand until I finished The Untamed. I looked back on him with a bit of pity but little understanding. It wasn’t until I listened to his character song that I truly began to dissect his character. Reading those lyrics completely flipped my perspective on him, and I went back to watch the Yi City arc again. I was shocked by how much I had missed. Xue Yang has since become one of my favorite characters of the series. I’ve spent so much time thinking about him and his motives that I finally decided to write down my thoughts. This analysis comes mostly from what I perceived, so it may differ from other people’s opinions. You are free to disagree with me.

Let’s start with what we know: Xue Yang was a street kid with a hard childhood. We know he was abandoned at a young age, but we don’t know how young. However, he must have been old enough to survive, so he couldn’t have been younger than four when he started fending for himself. We don’t know who his parents are because he doesn’t remember them, nor does he remember anyone else who had potentially taken care of him. His parents could be dead for all we know, or they could have dumped him somewhere when they no longer wanted to take care of him. It’s all up to speculation. He also has a very high pain tolerance, probably due to constant beatings as a child.

When you’re all alone in the world, you have to learn to put yourself first. There’s no one to care for you, so only you can care for yourself. I believe that Xue Yang wasn’t always a bad person because no one is inherently evil. However, because he was alone, there was no one to nurture him and teach him right from wrong. When all you experience is violence and hatred, that becomes your response to similar situations; you don’t expect kindness or want to give it in return.

One of Xue Yang’s flaws as a child was his naivety — he was much too quick to trust. That’s how he got himself into such a bad situation. He was eager to have something he was never able to have (candy), so he immediately trusted that shopkeeper when he said he could have some as a reward for running an errand. What he got in return wasn’t candy, but a brutal beating and a severed pinky. If Xue Yang had still had any faith left in humanity, this is the point where it would have left him. The remaining childhood innocence in him was gone. This brings me to an interesting piece of dialogue. In Yi City, when Xue Yang confronts Song Lan and tells him what he’s been up to, Song Lan curses at him, calling him an animal. Xue Yang laughs at him and says, “I quit using those words when I was seven.” And what happened to Xue Yang’s finger? “One finger was ground into battered flesh on the spot. The child was seven.” Even Xue Yang himself knows that moment was when everything changed, and he still carries the resentment with him now.

Back to the cart incident. This event scarred him for life and was the primary reason he became a sociopath. Now he’s bent on revenge. He was powerless as a child; just another street rat who shouldn’t be treated like a human being nor spared any pity. So, when he realizes he can do the same to those that hurt him, he takes it much further. When he was old enough and strong enough, he exacts his revenge. He wanted to make the Chang Clan feel his pain — not only for the finger he had lost but for his whole miserable life up to that point. If no one deigned to understand him, then he’d make them understand in the only way he knew how. With violence.

Xue Yang was only fifteen or sixteen when he slaughtered the Chang Clan, killing more than fifty people. This is where he meets Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan. From the first moment, Xue Yang hates Xiao Xingchen. He’s so righteous, so full of light. He thinks he makes the world better just by doing a little good. What a hypocrite. Where was he when he was needed? Where was he when Xue Yang was a seven-year-old boy left crying in the streets after having his finger ground to a pulp? No, nobody can be that good.

When Xue Yang is captured by Wei Wuxian and the others, Xiao Xingchen takes him back to Qinghe to be apprehended, and Xue Yang vows to get his revenge on Xiao Xingchen for it. It isn’t long after he escapes from Qinghe that Xue Yang slaughters Baixue Temple, blinding Song Lan in the process. According to Xue Yang’s logic, hurting Xiao Xingchen’s friend is just as bad as hurting Xiao Xingchen himself. This is what causes the rift between Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan. Without this incident, Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen may never have met again.

A few years have likely passed while Xue Yang was working for Jin Guangyao. He is probably closer to eighteen or nineteen when Jin Guangyao injures him and throws him out, which is how Xiao Xingchen and A-Qing find him. Xiao Xingchen doesn’t hesitate in bringing Xue Yang back to Yi City with him and A-Qing and caring for his wounds. Xue Yang wakes up pained and disoriented, but he immediately tries to back away when he realizes who is tending to him. He doesn’t know Xiao Xingchen is unaware of his identity, and probably thinks that Xiao Xingchen is getting ready to take him to face justice or something. But Xiao Xingchen insists that he doesn’t need to know who Xue Yang is and that he’s only doing what’s right. Xue Yang is clearly shocked by this admission. He truly cannot comprehend kindness, and this is the first time he’s ever experienced it.

This is also the first time we get to see his genuine smile. It’s shocked and incredulous, like he can’t believe this is happening, but it’s there. Throughout the series, Xue Yang’s snarky words and sly smirk are a token of his character, but now we know they are just a mask he uses to hide the small, broken child inside of him. If no one can see the hurt he hides, then no one can hurt him further. But with just one kind gesture, Xiao Xingchen was able to bring out the young boy who just wanted love and comfort.

This kindness is such a foreign concept to Xue Yang that he doesn’t think it’s genuine for a long time. But as the years pass, Xue Yang comes to realize that Xiao Xingchen isn’t a threat. This is something he scoffs at. Xiao Xingchen is ridiculously naïve; so stupid. If he knew who he was living with, who he was eating with, he wouldn’t act like this. He would treat Xue Yang the same way everyone else had. So, Xue Yang decides to trick Xiao Xingchen into murdering innocent people for revenge. Xue Yang can’t wait for Xiao Xingchen to find out what Xue Yang has made him do because it’ll break him. What this revenge is for is up to interpretation. Maybe he’s still angry about being captured and sent to Qinghe. Maybe he’s angry at the world for treating him so badly. Maybe Xue Yang wants to show Xiao Xingchen that his worldview is stupid and that there are no good or pure people in the world. I choose to believe that it’s the last one.

At least, this is his motivation at first — he slowly loses the will to harm Xiao Xingchen. This brings me to another interesting point. In episode three, Xue Yang says he doesn’t fear death, he fears boredom. But isn’t this domestic life he’s living with Xiao Xingchen and A-Qing considered boring by his standards? I think the boredom he speaks of is really the fear of being alone and having nothing at all. Now he’s happy, however reluctantly he’s willing to admit it. He wouldn’t have put up with A-Qing’s petulant behavior if he didn’t enjoy the time they spent together. Although they didn’t get along at first, Xue Yang protects A-Qing and takes care of her like an annoying older brother. He teases her, sure, but he also cuts her apple slices in the shape of rabbits and gives her advice on how to scare away the people who bully her (even though killing them isn’t great advice). Xiao Xingchen and A-Qing were the family he never had. Now he would do anything to preserve the life he is living.

After about a year, Xue Yang’s plan stopped being about revenge. I’m not completely sure how he justified this change of heart, but I like to think he told himself he was still biding his time and that he’d get back to it eventually (even if he had stopped thinking about hurting Xiao Xingchen). Based on what A-Qing told Song Lan when he arrived at Yi City, Xue Yang hadn’t taken Xiao Xingchen out on one of those night hunts in a long time. And most of the people that Xue Yang made Xiao Xingchen kill were the merchants that made fun of his blindness and cheated him with bad vegetables and high prices. It was a messed-up way to get revenge for Xiao Xingchen. Xue Yang hates being looked down on, so shouldn’t Xiao Xingchen feel the same way?

Nevertheless, the time they spent in Yi City was probably the only time Xue Yang had been happy in his entire life. Xiao Xingchen was so in tune with what Xue Yang needed that Xue Yang came to care for him deeply. Whether those feelings were romantic or platonic in nature is up to the viewer, but I believe Xue Yang had fallen in love with Xiao Xingchen in the only sick and twisted way he could. Xiao Xingchen understood him more than anyone ever had, going so far as to listen to his idle ramblings and bring him a piece of candy every day after hearing that he had loved sweets as a child but could never have any. He managed to tame the savage beast in Xue Yang’s heart with only his presence and basic human decency. Xue Yang’s bloodlust was satiated as long as he had Xiao Xingchen to take care of him. At this point, I don’t think he would ever actually kill Xiao Xingchen. He had stopped wanting to hurt him a long time ago. A-Qing? Sure. She’s expendable, but Xiao Xingchen is irreplaceable. Even if Xue Yang reluctantly came to care about her, it wasn’t the same kind of bond. She had never shown him the same kindness that Xiao Xingchen had. He wouldn’t hesitate to hurt her if she betrayed him, but she was important to Xiao Xingchen, which meant he couldn’t do her any harm if he didn’t want to disrupt their happy life.

If Song Lan hadn’t found them, how long would Xue Yang have stayed? I don’t even think he knew. He just knew that he didn’t want to leave anymore. Xiao Xingchen gave him too much for him to want that. The viewer can easily see the happiness in his eyes when he looks at Xiao Xingchen. Xue Yang acts like a kid around him — playing games, joking around, making him laugh with childish remarks. Even in the quiet moments, he’s happy. This was especially noticeable in the campfire scene. It wasn’t shown in the original drama, but in the special edition, Xue Yang smiled at Xiao Xingchen from across the fire, and the look in his eyes as he gazed at his daozhang was so tender that it honestly caught me off guard. It seemed to catch Xue Yang off guard too because he caught himself, and the smile slowly fell. It’s like he realized what he’s doing and remembered that this should be about revenge.

Where in the past, Xue Yang hated Xiao Xingchen for his righteousness, he now loves him for his naivety. Without it, Xue Yang knows that Xiao Xingchen would be disgusted with himself. There would be no more laughs, no more games, and no more smiles. Then Xue Yang would lose the one person who didn’t treat him like dirt. So, when Song Lan finds them, Xue Yang immediately perceives it as a threat to their domestic life. He knows how important Song Lan is to Xiao Xingchen, and there’s no doubt in his mind that Xiao Xingchen won’t hesitate to leave with Song Lan when he discovers Xue Yang’s identity.

Furthermore, Xue Yang resents Song Lan for taking Xiao Xingchen’s eyes (even though it was voluntary on Xiao Xingchen’s part and was essentially Xue Yang’s fault). His logic tells him that having Xiao Xingchen kill Song Lan would be the perfect way for Xiao Xingchen to get his revenge. What Xue Yang doesn’t understand is that not everyone thinks about things in the context of revenge. I don’t believe Xiao Xingchen ever truly regretted giving up his sight. But Xue Yang can’t comprehend how someone could be that selfless.

This is where it all falls apart. A-Qing sees what happened to Song Lan, and she runs to Xiao Xingchen and tells him everything. When Xiao Xingchen comes back to confront him, Xue Yang spills it all. There’s nothing left for him to lose. His mask falls again, and he basically bares his soul to Xiao Xingchen. This is probably the first time he’s told the story about his finger, and I think he genuinely thought Xiao Xingchen was going to understand him; that if he knew what Xue Yang went through, he’d sympathize with him and justify his action (thereby justifying his feelings). Instead of that, however, Xiao Xingchen calls him disgusting, and it flips a switch inside of Xue Yang. How can Xiao Xingchen call him disgusting when he’s killed people too?

I think one of the reasons Xue Yang led Xiao Xingchen to kill those people was to bring Xiao Xingchen down to his level. Xue Yang doesn’t think that anyone can be as good as Xiao Xingchen claimed to be, so he had to taint his perfect record. Maybe if he killed people, Xiao Xingchen would understand him. Xue Yang thought that when Xiao Xingchen found out, he’d stay with him. Now he’s not the same righteous person he used to be, so how could he be good enough to travel the world with Song Lan? No, he should stay with Xue Yang instead and live a happy life together.

So, when Xiao Xingchen calls him disgusting, Xue Yang was probably confused and upset, which made him instinctively put his mask back up. Being vulnerable only hurt him again, so he’s back to harsh words and smirks, telling Xiao Xingchen that this is why he’s always hated him and that all of this was fun. Fun in every sense of the word: the killing and the happiness.

Xiao Xingchen finding out that he killed Song Lan was the last straw. Xue Yang is still laughing as Xiao Xingchen slits his own throat. It takes a moment for the realization to set in, but as it does, the smile falls from Xue Yang’s lips, and his hands begin to shake. This is the third time his mask has fallen. His eyes begin to well with tears, but he tries to keep up his act, saying that dead ones are easier to control, but the only one he’s acting for is himself.

The next scene is the one that really solidified Xue Yang’s feelings for me. He cleans the blood from Xiao Xingchen’s skin with the same care that Xiao Xingchen had shown him when he first found Xue Yang in that ditch. Xue Yang clearly thinks that Xiao Xingchen is going to come back and that the ritual will work, that he staves off his tears and sets out food for both of them. He considers eating his candy but then decides he should wait until Xiao Xingchen comes back. If he’s back, then Xue Yang is sure to get another piece.

When he realizes that the ritual isn’t working and Xiao Xingchen isn’t coming back, he breaks down. The tantrum he throws is so full of rage and anguish that it really shows the depth of his feelings for Xiao Xingchen. Again, he goes back to acting, trying to guilt Xiao Xingchen’s dead body into coming back to life by telling him all the terrible things he’ll do to Song Lan and A-Qing if he doesn’t reawaken. Obviously, Xiao Xingchen can’t hear him, and Xue Yang knows this, even if he doesn’t want to admit it. He finally dissolves into tears, screaming and crying over Xiao Xingchen’s corpse. This may have been the first time he’s cried since he lost his finger. Crying is for innocent, naïve children, and it doesn’t help anybody. But now Xue Yang has had a taste of pure sweetness and doesn’t want to go back to the bitter life he has known, so he finally lets himself weep for all the things he could have had.

Xue Yang spent the next seven years trying to bring Xiao Xingchen back to life with no success. We don’t know much about his activities after Yi City, but we have gotten information through rumors that Shuanghua was being used to kill innocents. It seems like Xue Yang wanted to keep a part of Xiao Xingchen with him. He even continued his sick revenge plot after Xiao Xingchen’s death by gouging out the eyes of and killing the remains of the Chang Clan, including their leader, Chang Ping, by lingchi. Xue Yang doesn’t blame himself in the slightest; he just thinks that Xiao Xingchen’s death was an unfortunate consequence of the situation. He will put the blame on anyone and everyone other than himself. Thus, instead of performing lingchi on himself like Wei Wuxian suggested, he takes out his anger on the remains of the Chang Clan.

Everything Xue Yang does in the present is tied to Xiao Xingchen, yet he still can’t bring him back. So, when he heard that the Yiling Patriarch had suddenly come back to life, Xue Yang knew it was his last chance. The sword ghost/ghost arm is what led Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji to Yi City. It was pointing to its murderer. I’m sure Xue Yang could have avoided a confrontation if he wanted, but this was intentional. As for the juniors, I have a feeling that Xue Yang was behind the cat corpses that led them to meet up with Wei Wuxian. This is still unclear though because Xue Yang doesn’t have a real reason to get them involved. The only person he needs is Wei Wuxian.

Xue Yang has tried everything at this point. So, when Wei Wuxian finds him in Yi City, pretending to be Xiao Xingchen, he is completely desperate. I do wonder if that is something he has done more than once. Did he often go around dressed as Xiao Xingchen? Was he playing with the life they had in Yi City? Pretending he was still there? Or was it a one-time thing to trick Wei Wuxian into dropping his guard? I also wonder how often he used his own sword because only after Lan Zhan took Shuanghua from him did he pull out Jiangzai. That could be because he was acting as Xiao Xingchen, but we can’t be sure. However, that isn’t the point. Right now, Wei Wuxian was Xue Yang’s only option because the Yiling Patriarch surely knew things he didn’t. Xue Yang had lived with Xiao Xingchen’s corpse for those seven years, keeping him in pristine condition. I’m pretty sure the only way Xue Yang could have done this was by giving him spiritual energy every day, which would be incredibly draining. I don’t think Xue Yang had an exceptionally strong golden core to begin with either. He is primarily a demonic cultivator, which means he doesn’t use his golden core often. It must have taken most of his strength to keep Xiao Xingchen’s body in such good condition. But anything for daozhang, right? Xue Yang needed Xiao Xingchen’s body to be perfect when he returned. He also put aside his pride and used Song Lan for protection all those years. He kept the one person he continued to hate with a burning passion around him for so long.

When Wei Wuxian tells Xue Yang he can’t bring Xiao Xingchen back to life because his soul is too broken, Xue Yang refuses to believe it. It’s been seven years already; he can’t give up now. Deep down, I believe Xue Yang knows Xiao Xingchen wouldn’t want anything to do with him even if he did come back, but he can’t figure out why. Because nothing was his fault, of course.

Something Wei Wuxian said really struck me as I went back to rewatch episode 39. Before the fight, Wei Wuxian turns to Xue Yang and says, “you disgust him to the core, yet you still want to pull him back to play this stupid game.” Xue Yang responds with “I want nothing of the kind.” And he’s being honest. He doesn’t want a stupid game — he wants something real. He wants a life where Xiao Xingchen knows his identity and stays with him in spite of it. He just wants one person to accept him as he is, but that will never, nor could ever, happen —not with all the crimes he has committed.

When Lan Wangji cut off his arm, leaving Xue Yang bleeding on the ground, I think he knew it was over. There was nothing left for him now. He was never getting Xiao Xingchen back. He never had him in the first place, not in any way that counted. So he laughs, blood spilling from his lips, to cover up the tears he wishes he could cry.

He’s ready when Song Lan stabs him, dying with a smile on his face as he gazes at the last piece of candy Xiao Xingchen had ever given him. It’s blackened and inedible, yet Xue Yang held on to it for so long; it was a reminder of his daozhang and of why he was fighting so hard. Like his character song said, he was “too determined to let go.”

It’s kind of sad that even in death, he was never respected by anyone other than Xiao Xingchen, and all of that was built on a lie. He didn’t even get a proper burial, although I suppose he kind of deserved it. Xue Yang is the character I pity the most in this series. He isn’t a good person, nowhere near it, and he deserved the end he got, but I wish things could have been different. What hurts is that it just as easily could have been Wei Wuxian. If Xue Yang had been taken in as a child; if he’d had his own Jiang Fengmian, his own Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli, he could have been happier. Maybe none of this would have happened. Maybe he would have met Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan and started a sect with them. Realistically, he and Xiao Xingchen would never be lovers because Xiao Xingchen was so strongly connected to Song Lan, but I think they could have been friends.

However, one question I still have is did Xue Yang fall in love with Xiao Xingchen because of how he treated him or because of the person Xiao Xingchen really was? If they had met under different circumstances (and if Xue Yang had had a support system when he was young), would Xue Yang have still fallen in love with him? I guess that’s up to the viewer to decide.

Ultimately, Xue Yang is still a sociopath who can’t understand empathy or feel remorse, so I don’t think he regretted any of his crimes. However, I do believe that Xue Yang regretted the consequences of his actions in Yi City. He didn’t want Xiao Xingchen to die, but his actions were what caused his death. It’s more of a dissatisfaction with where things ended up than feeling guilty for his death. Although I don’t think Xue Yang felt remorseful, that doesn’t mean he wasn’t grieving, nor does it mean his feelings for Xiao Xingchen weren’t as genuine as they could have been.

I don’t know where Xue Yang or Xiao Xingchen will end up now, but I hope they’ll both be happy in their next lives. The same goes for A-Qing and Song Lan (when he finally meets his true end). There are so many things that contributed to Xue Yang’s unstable mind, but I think the moral of the story is that it pays to be kind. If just one person had taken pity on him as a child — had shown him that there was good in the world — I wonder what kind of person he would have become.

I already know how cruel fate is

Not looking, not asking, not grieving, not hating

Waiting to relive my life just for a single person

Ups and downs in life

I would leave no regrets

I tried searching in the darkness of night

When I am trapped in the past

I still hope that a flicker of light will appear in my heart

The legend of this lonely city

Who came here before?

And gifted to me my karma

I am waiting for this karma to liberate spirits, liberate souls, and liberate me

Even though I am already too determined to let go

If I get rid of these inner demons

Would you forgive me?

Gaining freedom from destiny, starting all over again

[moogle-woogle]

6 characters that kinda inspired me 😄

My rambles about each character under the cut:

Chibi Maruko-chan: The first slice-of-life anime I watched as a kid (in Cantonese dubbing). Sometimes I re-watch certain episodes because I thought Maruko-chan’s family dynamic were quite similar to ours (and sometimes my parents would compare me to her aha). She definitely holds a special place in my heart.

Emma Skye: Believe or not, she was my main inspiration to pursue forensics before I ended up with a crappy grade in Biology and decided to do Archaeological Science at university instead. I really liked her in Ace Attorney since I thought she was smart and witty. If anyone remembers this, there was a segment where you dusted for prints and kid me was like, “woah I wanna do that when I grow up.” But then life changed ahaha

Annabeth Chase: She was my favourite character when I started reading the Percy Jackson series at the end of high school. I liked how Annabeth could stay strong and determined especially during the events of House of Hades. Can't wait to see the TV adaption soon!

Papyrus: The Cool Dude himself. He might have been why I got Tumblr in the first place haha. But for real, I like how he has a kind heart with how he interacts with Frisk and Sans. He is genuinely a big ball of friendship.

Adora: Strong women. Can transform into a giant, buff woman with a sword. But on a serious note, I enjoyed Adora’s character development and how she never gives up on trying to save her friends.

Goro Majima: Yes, the one-eyed scrunkly bastard is inspiring, don’t @ me. Jokes aside, I was torn on drawing the 1988 version since I was interested in Majima’s character in Yakuza 0. Then I thought about it, and looked at his journey throughout the series and was like, “Y’know he’s flamboyant and free, and if I had to choose a version it might as well be the one in Yakuza: Like a Dragon where he seems happy and reunited with Saejima.” So, there you go. Flamboyant and free, and to paraphrase Nishida in Yakuza 3: “He might not look like it, but he’s soft on the inside.”

[bxllafanficc]

¡Skate/sing your hearts out! (Yuri Plisetsky x reader)

(part seven)

Part one. Masterlist!

Summary: After last year's cancellation of Figure Skating Grand Prix, Yuri Plisetsky finds himself unable to bring out his inner skater after a year of doing nothing but enjoy life like a regular teenager. That's when you enter the picture; We Are Voice Grand Awards's currently hottest competitive vocalist come first place two years in a row. Just like the other competitors of Grand Prix, it turns out that Victor and Yuuri faces the same issue. With an arrangement between Victor and Yakov, they agree to travel to Japan and hire you as a mutual coach for Yuri and Yuuri to help bring back the emotion into their performances like before, maybe even more intense than ever. Yuri however, who's never experienced issues with his coaches before, for some reason finds this one particularly difficult to coexist along with in their (reasonably) odd partnership. Warnings: none

*Yuri's POV*

(Next week)

A week had passed by in a rather slow pace. Yuri's recovery seemed to never end when it had just been a few days. But those days were spent sleeping and eating, using his phone and sleeping some more. Mostly he had no one to talk to since everyone were busy with their own lives. Especially (Y/n) who had to keep her inner performer alive at all times. Her coach came with the idea of hosting a smaller gig where (Y/n) would perform about two or three numbers for the people of Japan. It was planned out as a small nightclub gig at first but the numbers of interested in Japan rose over the charts and well... (Y/n) said that she didn't want to let anyone down. Though her coach was apparently hesitant into taking more than a hundred people. 'Three numbers are too little for a concert.' They said but the people of Japan insisted on paying for the price a concert ticket anyway.

(Y/n) had told him this two days after his fever started. He remembered it made him scoff at how she decided the ticket would only cost a quarter of what a normal concert ticket would then. He had told her it was a ridiculous way of thinking.

He barely saw her after the first day of his fever. The way Yuri had taken a hold of her hand and fallen asleep... She waited until he woke up. Well, not exactly waited. She fell asleep at the edge of his bed.

And since that, the two of you barely talked during the days. They barely even met before she went to bed because she spent every waking hour to practice her numbers with her backup dancers. She still made you breakfast when she head the time though.

Yuri's glad it would soon be over and he could go back to normal. Everyone had been attending to him like he was some child and he felt like a huge burden. He had told Victor that he wished (Y/n) especially wouldn't just dismiss his attempts at doing things on his own just because he couldn't get out of bed with single effort. 'Right, she told me about that! You fell on your face right after while trying, didn't you?' He had replied.

So... yeah... Yuri wanted things to return to normal real fast. Yakov had promised him that he would get to start his session with (Y/n) as soon as the music for the program was set. And that was what Victor had been helping him with a couple times. It was hard to find something he wanted to use. Everything felt overused and boring. Just another performance. Yuri didn't want it to pass as that. He wanted to stand out and earn his gold medal for real just as last year. Now was also really the year of improvement so the music had to be well thought through. He was certainly going to take advantage of having a coach for emotional performances with him this season as well. Meaning, his free skate program was already set to be something hurtful and strong. Not love, he already did that. Something far more serious. He wanted the audience to cry after his performance. Everyone should be bawling. Yakov, piglet, Victor and even (Y/n).

Most important of all, no one would be expecting him to do a program with such deep meaning. Because he was one to avoid it in the past.

His short program should be something upbeat and flashy. He wanted the choreography so intense that he'd be coughing up blood at the end of the performance, if that was possible. So the music had to make the pulse of the audience rise when hearing it. Meaning, the music would be in the rock genre. And he already had just the song for it.

This performance would show off his skills and flexibility as well as the importance of his stamina since the entire program would be non-stop step sequences and jumps throughout almost the entire music. Since he intended to be in better shape than ever before before the competition started, he felt no point in holding back on anything. If he played it safe, then what was the point?

"Ah! Good morning Yuri! I come bearing gifts!" Victor busted the door open with his foot and stumbled inside the room, balancing a tray in his hand. The tray was set down in front of him and Victor sat down at the end of Yuri's bed.

"Where's (Y/n)?" Yuri was truly surprised to see Victor being the one to bring you the breakfast today. It had been her until now. And he hadn't even seen as much as her face today since she left so early.

"Ouch. I'm replaced already? I can't go on knowing I'm not your favorite anymore, you know." Victor put a dramatic hand to his forehead and fell backwards onto Yuri's legs. The tray with the breakfast threatened to tumble and Yuri made an effort to stabilize it. It was bacon and eggs with apple slices. A part of him felt a little sad that the slices weren't in the shape of stars...

"You were never my favorite, old man. And you didn't answer my question." Yuri picked up the fork and pointed it towards the man slopped unto the bed end. He ignored the sad pout he received and took a bite of the apple cut into pieces. Each slice were to large and it didn't even taste the same even though they were of the same apples like yesterday. The eggs were decent and the bacon slightly undercooked. Victor's efforts to cook for the household during the day were appreciated of course. But there was no wonder why (Y/n) stood for the head of the dinner at days when her schedule wasn't as crazy.

"She's practicing like mad. Called her dancers to say that she would be starting a few hours ahead of time because she got an energy boost. She wants the show to be at her best efforts possible."

"I haven't even seen her today. How can she practice like a maniac when she's probably already learned her numbers flawlessly?"

Victor was watching Yuri with a funny look. Probably wondering where all those questions came from.

"I think the show is a way for her to relax."

Say what? Going out of bed before sunrise and coming back from practice just mere hours before midnight could never be considered relaxation. Yuri would never be able to pull that off. That was an insane view of the word relaxing, definitely.

"The steam and demands from her competition in We are voice are currently lifted off her shoulders like heavy weights, you know. This is probably just fun to her. She doesn't have to compete with anyone. I think it gives her a sense of relief."

Yuri stopped eating and thought a little extra on what Victor said.

Yes. She was always stressed in every video where a fan or a nosy reporter came out of nowhere and started recording. Yuri had seen those videos. Especially the one where the random person happened to record the exact moment her mind broke down and she had a breakdown in front of a large crowd. Now there was no denying that Yuri sees (Y/n) as the most weirdest and ridiculous being alive. The way she is so determined to get her way and how much she cares for strangers she's never met. Yuri kind of still consider the two of them to be strangers, even after two weeks being with each other on a daily basis. Her eyes are also too intense for anyone to be up close with to her face and as if that wasn't enough, she's also a morning person and that's already a big warning sign to stay away from a person.

But even though he had had this mental conversation with him many times. Even though he agreed that he disliked her; he couldn't help but being captivated by her performances.

It felt so weird seeing her cry like that just minutes before her performance and then watching her going on stage having the time of her life. There was no doubt she loved her fans and performing on stage but that was one of those moments where Yuri really got to see the mind behind the happy smile. It was the first time he had seen her crying or feeling a negative emotion. It's still the first but he got a taste of her irritated self not so long ago.

It made Yuri think about her performance that day. It was a remarkable song filled with sheerness and excitement and her eyes were still wet with tears as she got up on stage.

"Remember (Y/n) performing 'Animal' during the acappella collaboration sequence?"

"Yes! One of my favorites. She was so happy on stage that day." While it had been true that she found happiness, it's not to ignore how broken she felt right before. 'Animal' by Neon Trees (A/N: listen to the Glee version of the song for the best acapella dynamic!) Was one of (Y/n)'s best performances, according to Yuri. He had watched it on repeat just this morning. There's really nothing special to the song in itself. It was the way she delivered every word and tune with such bravery after her internal battle like that. Her emotional response has always been on point but this particular song was something completely real and touching with her tears glistening in the corner of her eyes the entire performance. The tears of sadness had been replaced with joy and she had genuinely just been having a great time with the acapella group at her side, cheering and jumping around on stage with stars in her eyes.

'Oh, oh

I want some more

Oh, oh

What are you waiting for?

Say goodbye to my heart tonight'

The chorus were always his favorite part. Maybe it was the interpretation of the love-hate relationship the words of the lyrics intended. (Y/n) was belting out 'what are you waiting for' with such passion even though it was hardly a difficult song to perform.

'Here we are again

I feel the chemicals kickin' in

It's gettin' heavier and

I wanna run and hide

I wanna run and hide'

The short verse got him every time. The way her eyes watered at the end and then were immediately blown away by the chorus once again. The way she let go of her sadness and let her happy thoughts consume her. No, she let the song consume her and gave the song a completely different touch never done before.

Yuri had lost count of the time he'd watched it and he knew the choreography and song in and out by now. It was mainly intended for the purpose of studying her expression and getting some kind of inspiration for his music choice. He wanted his theme of his music choice for the free skate program to be 'to let go'. If there's any theme harder than love, then it's letting go of the thing you love. And not just what you love. Letting go to be able to love as well. Whether it's love for yourself or another person. There are countless interpretations and that's what (Y/n) had performed that day, with no intention whatever of doing it in such a way.

"I have... I have chosen the music for my program. At the inspiration of t-that performance."

Now don't get Yuri wrong. He'd never admit it to anyone that (Y/n) had been an inspiration to his free skate. He would probably had figured out the idea anyway, it would just had taken a little longer. And her performance was his own way to interpret it so he'd been the one to come up with the decision anyway. So in a way, she didn't have anything to do with it. And his choice of song would be far more intense and heartbreaking than anything Neon Trees could produce. And so Yuri told Victor about his music choices even though he had no clue why he put that kind of trust into the man.

"Those are some really clever choices when combined with your own vision. I'm almost a little jealous. Maybe I should just hire (Y/n) as my coach myself. It seems like it did wonders for you already!" The man laughed and patted Yuri on the shoulder.

"Nonsense. She hasn't began coaching me yet. She had no part in this." Yuri pushed away the empty tray to make room for sitting up and crossing his legs.

"Oh, but it seems like you learned a lot by ogling her all day long though." The smirk Yuri received made his teeth grit and his ears flush.

"I-i wasn't ogling her!"

"Then what were you doing exactly? I heard 'Animal' playing for a good 30 minutes from the wall connected to the room beside yours." Victor laughed at the startled freeze of The Russian Punk.

Okay fine. Maybe he went overboard with the video. But a new problem had seemed to appear now as he admitted defeat.

Yuri now had a witness that would have to be taken care of somehow. He leaned forwards and gripped the collar of Victor's shirt in a tight fist. The glare of daggers shot forwards onto the smiling man.

"Tell anyone about it and you're gonna have to reconstruct that pretty nose of yours. That's a promise,not a threat."

"Trust me! You won't hear a peep!"

[fairylynel]

Adachi to Shimamura - Anime Review

Contains Spoilers

This show is a romance, slice of life anime between two high school girls, Adachi and Shimamura. They met while skipping classes and spending their newly found free time playing games and talking, or sometimes, just sitting together in silence too. However, the longer they stay together, the closer they get and their feelings get more and more complicated.

I would like to first talk about Shimamura Hogetsu (voiced by Miku Itou, who also worked on BanG Dream! and Anitore! EX), one of our main characters. She was, to be quite honest, a real mystery to me, in the beginning. This girl has built a wall around herself, barely allowing others to know her true feelings and thoughts. She prefers to be alone and mentions this quite often too, wishing it until the end of the show. Despite showing a quite extroverted personality, it’s clear that she seems to dread to be needed by others and doesn’t really pursue the company of other people. It’s usually others that come to her. She will seem quite cold throughout the show and she is the main reason why I find it hard to say that this show fits the shoujo ai genre.

She never truly sees Adachi as a possible lover, even comparing herself as her new friend’s big sister and, at some point, even mother. She never truly rejects Adachi, she actually learns to accept her more and more and becomes more open to her affections as time goes by, but she fails to see just how deep Adachi feelings are for her. Adding to this, Shimamura overthinks quite a lot about her relationships, even if she seems to not care about them, but even more about herself as a person, overanalyzing her traits and behaviors, closing herself a bit more and more. She sees relationships as fleeting things and doesn’t see the need to make them last or to strengthen them. As soon as she becomes a second year, for example, she gets a new group of friends that she doesn’t even bother herself to know the names of.

Now, to the second protagonist of this show, Adachi Sakura (voiced by Akari Kitou, who has also worked on Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba and Umamusume: Pretty Derby). She is the reason why I, finally, considered this show a shoujo ai and why I absolutely adored the series. Adachi is the perfect representation of a young girl slowly, but surely, coming to terms with new romantic feelings, that don’t fit the societal norms, and struggling to understand what they mean and how to express them. I saw myself quite a lot in her, in her good and bad moments, to be honest. Adachi is characterized as very introverted girl who, already, struggles quite a lot to speak her mind and avoids people altogether (that being her reason to skip class). However, she starts seeing Shimamura as someone who is worth and different of others, enjoying the time she spends with her and actually allowing herself to be more open about her feelings with her (even if it’s still… to a minimum).

Adachi is scared of her feelings for Shimamura, being a bit jealous and possessive of her (for example, believing that Shimamura only talked to her on the phone and being sad about it, but never acting angry towards her friend), thinking that wanting to be best friends is as far as they can go, when in reality she clearly wants more, frequently fantasizing about kissing her friend. She is so desperate for her feelings to be validated by Shimamura that she ends up compared as to a puppy that follows her everywhere and would do anything for her. Adachi is so confused with her emotions and identity, not understanding with Shimamura is even aware of her feelings as well. The show is mostly focused on Adachi coming to terms with how she wants her relationship to be with Shimamura, her struggles and attempts to become closer to her crush. Her perspective is so innocent and genuine that I believe that anyone wlw that had romantic feelings for another girl in their teenage years might relate to this character.

There are also a few other characters on the show, two of them are Shimamura’s friends that she actually bothered herself to know, Nagafuji Taeko (voiced by Reina Ueda, who has also worked on 3D Kanojo: Real Girl and Dr. Stone) and Hino Akira (voiced by Manami Numakura, who has also worked on Aikatsu Stars! and Konohana Kitan). These two are a bit of stereotypes and honestly only there to be cute together. And then there’s… Chikama Yashiro (voiced by Iori Saeki, who has also worked on Shoujo☆Conto All Starlight and Lapis Re:LiGHTs). I don’t understand what’s the point of this character at all, they are supposed to be an alien from another planet looking for their brethren on Earth, but they barely add anything to the story and are only there to annoy Shimamura and Adachi from time to time. It makes the story less serious, which I can understand some would like, but for me, it definitely made me pay less attention to what was going on.

Other than what I mentioned before, I think this is a show that, while might not be for everyone and could even frustrate quite a few people since it has an open ending, it is definitely a fun watch! I think this is a quite good representation of a girl struggling with her romantic feelings for another and how that confusion can make you feel flustered and sometimes, quite idiotic too.

Rating: 7/10

[nishistravelingblog]

Spring 2021 anime review (first impressions)

I started watching some of the new spring animes coming out and wanted to give my opinion of them so far (I saw someone do this and I wanted to do my version as well). Enjoy!

Don't toy with me, Miss Nagatoro:

This anime is basically just a slice of life but with the two main leads being a nerdy boy and a sadistic girl. Honestly the anime wasn’t what I was expecting considering the controversy around this before it came out. I actually really enjoy the show and while some of the scenes are a little weird overall I think it’s beautifully animated and brings something a little different to the romance anime category. I really recommend this one to people who like romances and slice of life’s but a little warning if teasing and some light bully aspects effect you. (I didn’t think it was too bad but to people who are sensitive to those topics maybe pass on this one)

Rating so far: 8.7/10

Mars red:

I LOVE THE ANIMATION ITS SUCH A LIKE COMFORTING STYLE ANIMATION. The first episode was kinda boring to me but THAT OUTRO AND INTRO im so Interested in how the plot is going to pan out but overall it’s such a vibey show like this whole thing feels like a warm Thursday night under the stars and idk how else to explain it. The vampires are cool and I’m glad they are doing something different with the plot instead of using the tired plot points of all shows with vampires in it.

Rating so far: 8/10

Odd taxi: 

This reminds me of a mix between durarara and beastars vibes. I think it’s such a chill anime but with underlying mysteries and stories playing out behind the scenes. I wasn’t really into it at first but the whole show has a very rainy night mood with it and it does the show well. There is so much stuff unexplained and so many little side stories that I can’t wait to see how they get tied it. Plus I like the main character, he literally reminds me of a cranky old grandpa and it’s nice seeing his perspective on things. Also the little bit of humor is really cute.

Rating so far: 7.9/10

Shadows house: 

I’m a big fan of the whole living doll thing in the anime and I love the idea of living shadows. I think it’s very different but really good and the whole theme is great. The show is more slice of life than I thought but I think it’s going to get more horror aspects which I’m excited to see. Overall it’s cute but the dark undertones are so cool and I’m invested. ALSO THE INTRO AND OUTRO SMACKS GOSH ITS SO GOOD ESP THE OUTRO JUST LOOK IT UP PLZ

Rating so far: 7.8/10

To you eternity: 

wow. Literally just wow. Um this anime so far has been beautiful and amazing. I genuinely love this show so much so far and have cried during all episodes :). I literally have like no words just the story telling and animation is PERFECT IS SO BEAUTIFUL OH MY GOSH. I RECOMMEND THIS TO ANYONE LITERALLY ITS SO GOOD

Rating so far: 9.8/10

Tokyo revengers: 

ngl I didn’t think I would like this anime and the first part of the first episode was very boring to me but honestly I really love this show so far. Not the direction I thought this was going to go (I tried to not do too much research) but after the second episode, I’m so hooked. I really enjoyed the shows concept idea and love the whole “uwu sad boy finally sticking up for himself” troupe going on. I thought I was going to hate the main character because at first he just seems like such a depressing spineless guy, which I’m being a little harsh it’s not that bad. Anyways The main character is actually not annoying or anything and I love that there is already character development in the first episodes. Overall I really recommend this anime just for the story itself. I can’t wait to see more and how the plot unfolds.

Rating so far: 9/10

I’m so happy there is a lot of different and more unique art styles throughout this spring season. I genuinely love new art styles and just new concepts in general and it’s really cool actually keeping up with all of these shows so far! (Also I am up to date with all episodes release so these are all based off what I’ve seen) Anyways hope you enjoyed❤️

[ordinaryschmuck]

Top 20 BEST Animated Series of the 2010s-8th Place

It’s funny. Four years ago, there was no doubt in my mind that this show would easily make the top five best-animated series in the last decade. But the more it went on, the more...controversial it got. However, despite all the hate this next series has been getting recently, I still believe that there’s something to be desired within it.

#8-Steven Universe/Steven Universe: Future (2013-2020)

The Plot: For years, immortal warriors known as the Crystal Gems have been defending the Earth from anything that seeks to do it harm. Until one day when Rose Quartz, the Gems leader, had fallen in love with a human named Greg Universe. From that love, Rose gave up her physical form to bring her son, Steven, into the world she was sworn to protect. Taking guidance from the other Crystal Gems-Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl-Steven will try his best to grow up into the same warrior that his mom was. But as he learns more about the Gems and his mother, Steven will soon realize that he’ll have to grow up far faster than he thought.

Right out the gate, I should mention there's a 60%-40% chance that you’re either going to love this show or think that it’s pure garbage. And honestly, I believe it all depends on perspective. Like the quality of most shows, the enjoyment depends on the viewpoints you chose to take with it. Some people will look at specific decisions as well done, where others will see it all as a mess of storytelling. For instance, one person can make a two-hour-long video about how Steven Universe is garbage, and another person can make a video arguing about how it isn’t. Everyone has different reasons why they like or hate something. If you genuinely hate Steven Universe or think you might not like it, that's perfectly fine. I just hope you’ll give me the chance to explain why I personally enjoy it, and why I think it deserves all the adulation it has. 

For instance, the main thing I really enjoy about Steven Universe is its style. From the designs, to the animation, to even the music. Everything about how Steven Universe both looks and sounds leave me awestruck. First is the show’s designs of both the backgrounds and characters. Nearly every part of the world in the series looks absolutely amazing, fitting seeing how the Crystal Gems fought for Earth due to its beauty. There are also times when lore and backstory can be seen through the backgrounds, giving some fantastic utilization of visual storytelling. Such as when the Crystal Gems visit war zones and temples that they’ve spent years fighting in, showing hidden secrets that can make much more sense by later episodes. As for the character designs, they all look pretty good. Each character has a dynamic and unique style, making them all fun to look at. It’s even better when the character’s personalities are shown throughout their entire designs. I especially love how the artists managed to get creative with how real life crystals (lapices, bismuths, and jaspers) will look like people when designing the Crystal Gems and their enemies. However, I should first mention that Steven Universe is another show where the art style depends on who’s storyboarding the scene. While not as bad as OK KO: Let’s Be Heroes, it can be pretty distracting given how character sizes and proportions are inconsistent. Regardless, I still like how good the designs look for a majority of the characters. And at a practical standpoint, I think it’s great that the artists kept the figures as simple as possible as it makes animating the characters a lot easier.

Speaking of which, I really like how Steven Universe is animated. It’s not entirely groundbreaking like The Amazing World of Gumball’s or as fluid as Wander Over Yonder’s, but the animation in Steven Universe is still pretty dang good. The characters' movements look believable, and the expressions each one makes is downright amazing to see. It gets more aspiring for the show’s fight scenes. You can almost feel each punch, jab, and slash that the characters trade with each other, and the fights themselves are pretty fun to watch. As for the action itself, Steven Universe might just have the most creative action set pieces I’ve seen from any animated series. Case in point, there is an entire fight scene that’s also a fantastic song at the same time.

On the topic of songs, let the record show that showrunner Rebecca Sugar really understands music. I say this because Steven Universe has some really great music in it. From background music to full-on musical numbers, this show proves how important melodies are in a series. Look at the background music, as it not only does a suitable job at making audiences feel the right emotions but also sounds really good when isolated. As for the character motifs, each note perfectly encapsulates the character's personality that it’s meant for. Like Pearl, who has a piano melody to show off her classy and orderly personality, and Peridot, who has a more 8-bit tune to her leitmotif as a way to show off her tech side. And since we branched into talking about 8-bit, there are times when this show’s soundtrack sounds like it belongs in a really cool video game (Google Lion’s and Obsidian's themes if you don’t believe me). As for the actual songs in the show, Steven Universe has a pretty good selection. As they can be beautiful and downright awesome to listen to. And even though the show uses songs to develop the characters and story, these musical numbers can still be pretty fun to listen to on their own, with no context (most of the time).

But while a show's style is essential, it’s the substance that truly matters. And here is where we go back to the discussion of perspective. To some viewers, you might think that the substance in Steven Universe is handled well, where others...Well, I think it’s pretty obvious how they might feel.

Let’s look at the story because Steven Universe actually has an intriguing and compelling story...Or at least it does when it tries to eventually tell that story. Whether you’re a person who either loves or hates the series, everyone can agree that the slice of life episodes are easily the show’s weakest. Personally, I don’t mind them, and that’s because I view these episodes as giving me a choice between eating a chocolate cake or a carrot. The story-driven episodes are a chocolate cake. Their sweet, delicious, and I’m always craving more after just having one piece. As for the slice of life episodes, they’re like carrots. I can eat a carrot. I can digest a carrot. I might even enjoy a carrot. Hell, there are times when I’m willing to ask for another carrot. But if you’re going to give me the decision of a carrot over a chocolate cake, then I’m always going to pick the chocolate cake. Even if I enjoy episodes like “Laser Light Cannon," “Too Short to Ride," and “Alone Together," they can never hold a candle to “Jail Break," “Reunited," and “Change Your Mind." This is because the slice of life episodes give off a sense of distraction from the main story. After all, they rarely add anything new (read: meaningful) to the tale. And going back to the carrot and chocolate cake analogy, there’s one aspect that doesn’t do the slice of life episodes any favors. You see, where most shows feel like you have to eat the carrots before having the chocolate cake, half the time Steven Universe feels like you can skip most of the carrots and go straight for the chocolate cake instead. And Steven Universe isn’t the only show to try this. In fact, tomorrow I’ll be talking about a show that perfected this idea. But tomorrow's series manages to make both the story and slice of life episode the chocolate cake instead of the carrot. And it has everything to do with the fact that the characters care about the situation they’re in. There are actual moments in the show where Crystal Gems refuse to participate in everyday antics because they simply don’t think those antics are worth their time. Which is something you never want to do. Because if the characters don’t care, then why should the audience? Speaking of the characters--

I want it to be known that I like the majority of the characters in Steven Universe. Greg, Connie, Peridot, Amethyst, and Garnet are all enjoyable to watch in their own way. Not only is their development on point, but their personalities are all likable, and their issues are also relatable. It’s three other characters that things get a little iffy. Those characters being Steven, Pearl, Bismuth and Lapis. If you ask me, I like these characters, and I think it’s fun to study/analyze their personalities. However, these characters make decisions that audiences are either going to hate or love. It’s sort of like that optical illusion of the old lady/young lady (Google it). Some people can see the ugly old hag, where others will see the beautiful young woman. You’re most likely going to see one or the other, and it isn’t until someone else points out what you couldn’t notice that you are capable of seeing both. It’s something very similar to Steven, Pearl, Bismuth and Lapis. One response is that you’re either going to see characters who are selfless heroes that are victims of circumstance. The other is seeing toxic idiots who cause more harm than good to the people they love.

And then there are the people of Beach City. These are mostly hated by both fans and critics of the show. Personally, I don’t hate most of them. Don’t get me wrong, characters like Lars and Ronaldo deserve every ounce of hate they are given (Although Lars does get better). As for the rest of the Beach Citizens, I don’t think they are that bad of characters. In fact, I think they’re good characters placed in the wrong show. Some of them have issues that most people deal with (Sadie, in most of her episodes), where others seem to be slightly layered and almost intriguing (Mr. Smiley and Onion in “Future Boy Zoltron” and “Onion Gang”). In fact, if these characters were a part of a different series, I’m sure people will be more willing to watch their struggles. It's just compared to the Crystal Gems and company, the people of Beach City are not as interesting to watch or dissect. And because of this, the show drags down to a screeching halt whenever it focuses on these characters.

And the most controversial element of these characters is (semi-spoilers ahead) when the show tries to pull off redemption arcs. Steven Universe seems to work off the logic that nobody is evil, just misunderstood. There’s both a right way and a wrong way of illustrating that logic, and Steven Universe, unfortunately, does it the wrong way. And the best way for me to describe how to do this idea is to use the game Undertale as an example (I’d warn you about spoilers, but odds are you already know everything about that game). In Undertale, you play a character who fell into an underground prison full of monsters, and you have to find your way back to the surface. The monsters you run into give the impression that they’re dangerous and want to destroy you (or at least most of them do). However, the game allows the player to interact with the world and characters around them, soon discovering that the monsters are more complex than one might think. In fact, the game allows you to actually interact with monsters who tried to kill you, showing the logic and reasoning as to why. By the end of Undertale, you learn that every character you encounter is not the villains in the story, but rather victims of a war that forced them away from the surface. Steven Universe has a similar idea but fails to do it properly. All it reveals is that the villains have done bad things, realize that they’ve done wrong, and decide to have an out of nowhere change of heart by the end. The problem is that except for one character, the turnarounds don’t feel earned. Instead, they feel forced than anything else.

These elements are what make Steven Universe slightly controversial to enjoy.

(And also the ridiculous amount of hiatuses. But that’s not really an issue I have with the show, but the network running it.)

But if there is one thing I hope we all can agree on, both the pessimistic and forgiving, I think it’s safe to say that the best thing about Steven Universe is how important it is for the LGBTQ+ community. There may have been kids' shows in the past that hinted at same-sex relationships and they deserve some respect as well. But I'd say it’s Steven Universe that popularized the idea with the characters Ruby and Saphire. Not only are these two downright adorable together, but they also manage to be enjoyable characters on their own (Even though it isn’t often you see them apart, but their personalities still shine through). And I’m willing to make the argument that it’s because of these two why children’s animation is less afraid, but still cautious, of being explicit with having same-sex couples. Like I said, most shows decide to hint at these relationships, so they don't get in trouble for doing so. Nowadays? Most of Cartoon Network’s series seem to have more gay relationships than most children’s networks in recent memory. Nickelodeon allowed The Loud House to have gay parents in a children's cartoon, and one of the main characters being canonically bisexual. Hell, even Disney is currently taking steps in the right direction with their smash hit called The Owl House. Now, more than ever, kids can learn at an early age that gay relationships are more than just acceptable, but they’re also completely normal and should be accepted as such. And I’m more than willing to give Steven Universe credit for giving this trend the push that it needed, like other creators for these shows usually point fingers at it as well.

Is Steven Universe a perfect show? No. But that doesn’t mean I think it’s garbage. There are some legitimate faults that this series has, some of which I’m inclined to agree with. But with all the good it does and how much fun people have while watching it, I can’t really say I hate this series. If you think you’ll hate this show, you have every right to. I can’t change how you feel, but I can ask you to keep an open mind. Because who knows? You might be someone who will find the diamond in the rough of this series.

(Now that’s a pun you’ll be willing to appreciate by the time you reach season 5).

[sserpente]

A/N: Request from anon. I’ve been writing so much fluff lately, I hope you enjoy!

Words: 2029 Warnings: injury, fluff

Autumn truly was the most beautiful time of the year, your small cabin deep in the woods the best investment you had ever made. Every year, at this time, you came here to recharge and take a break from the exhausting and busy city life; living surrounded by red, yellow, orange and brown leaves both on the trees and on the ground made this the perfect and most breath-taking opportunity to do so, even if it was only for the weekends.

The day had started off quietly. An amazing breakfast, a cup of coffee and a good book. It was tranquil, idyllic… the land around you beautiful and peaceful—that was until you suddenly spotted a body lying on the ground not too far from your cabin. You gasped, an ice cold shiver running down your spine as you hurried to put on your jacket and then stormed outside in midst of the forest.

It was a he. A handsome, outrageously good looking he. Sharp cheekbones, a beautiful face… a thin but well-trained body… biting your lower lip, you touched him gently. Still warm. And there was a pulse. You breathed out relieved. He was alive then.

So why was he unconscious? Your eyes scanned his heavenly body, searching for any injuries. Once more you gasped. His dark blue shirt was drenched in blood. You had to help him. You knew what injuries like these could cause in the woods. He could be dead before dusk—if he didn’t bleed out, surely a wolf or another wild animal would claim him.

Taking another deep breath to gather your strength, you bent down to grab his upper arms and pull him inside.

He was heavy. Heavy enough your back hurt when you had finally managed to lift him on your sofa.

Carefully, you lifted up his shirt, your mouth watering despite all the blood. God, he truly was hot. You could see his abs heaving with every ragged breath he took.

But now you had to work quickly—and you were beyond grateful for that first aid crash course you had enrolled for a year ago. You knew what to do.

Fortunately, the wound wasn’t too deep, no stitches necessary. Thank God he was unconscious when you dipped some gauze into disinfecting alcohol solution from your first aid kit and began to treat him with a sigh.

-

James Conrad woke with a start, stinging pain rippling through his abdomen when he tried to sit up. The last thing he remembered was the bear that had caught him off guard. He had known how to react correctly but in surprise, he slipped on the moist leaves.

A sharp rock must have bored itself into his flesh, the blood loss and his head hitting the ground knocking him out.

He was lucky to still be alive. Where the hell was he, anyway?

The cosy room he was in was not a hospital, it much reminded him of a cabin instead. A fire was crackling in the background, a blanket draped over his form.

He turned his head when he heard silent footsteps on the carpet, laying his eyes upon a beautiful young woman. His rescuer, most likely.

“Hey… I found you in the woods, bleeding to death.” You explained shyly, smiling down at him in the process. It was an old tick, really—being all timid around men you found handsome and attractive.

The stranger in front of you swallowed. Once again, he attempted to sit up, this time succeeding after a pitiful grunt of pain.

“Where am I?” His voice was low, velvety and pleasant to the ear. A shiver ran down your spine.

“In my cabin, not far from where you passed out. I always come here on the weekends in autumn.”

“I presume you were the one who patched me up?”

You nodded, your gaze becoming thoughtful. “What happened to you?”

“I’m a tracker,” he growled, his face distorting upon another wave of pain. Quickly, you handed him the painkillers you had been sure he’d need. He took them and swallowed them without hesitation. “Two weeks ago, a thirteen year old girl disappeared in these woods while taking her dog for a walk. The police couldn’t find her and her parents are devastated.”

“Oh… I see… how did you get hurt?”

“A bear surprised me and I slipped. Simply an unlucky fall.”

You frowned. You knew there were bears in this region, of course. They usually didn’t mind the few humans passing by though. “Did the bear attack you?”

The stranger shook his head. “I’ve dealt with worse…”

Instantly, his thoughts appeared to drift away, somewhere you were unable to follow him.

“A-anyway, I’m (Y/N). You… feel free to stay for as long as you need to heal.”

“James Conrad, decommissioned British SAS officer.” He held out his hand and when you took it to shake it politely, his skin touching yours felt like your whole hand igniting. Your heart skipped a beat, even more so when his piercing blue eyes locked with yours and studied you for an intense moment. “Thank you for the offer but I’m not staying. I need to find that girl.”

“In this condition? You’ll get yourself killed! Not to mention the animals that will smell the blood on you.”

Conrad paused. You were right. It was indeed risky to return to the woods with his injury. But the girl’s safety was at risk too. He did not dare think she might be dead already. He had lost one innocent soul once and he would not let it happen again. He had to leave—and you could see the determination sparkling in his eyes.

“At least stay the night and recover. It’ll be dark soon.”

-

James, much to your surprise, obeyed. After the sun had disappeared, he took the freedom of helping you prepare supper despite his wound. The painkillers had worked wonders, yet you chided him for not staying on the sofa to rest.

You could tell, clearly, that he had indeed been through much worse. Surely, this marked man had uncountable stories to tell. So you didn’t object.

“Why do you spend your weekends in a cabin in the woods all on your own?” He asked all the while chopping vegetables on the counter next to you.

“Work life is busy. I’m a junior sales executive, the job gets rather exhausting after a while. I love what I’m doing, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes I need to… just breathe a little.”

Ever since he had told you about the girl who had gone missing, you were a little worried though. What if some cold-blooded murderers roamed these woods, in search of their next victim? What if they had abducted her and now kept her as some kind of sex slave underground?

All of a sudden, you were glad for James’s presence—you would be for as long as it lasted. Who knew? Perhaps in a few weeks’ time, you could meet again for a cup of coffee. Without one party having been severely injured and on the brink of death.

“James, uh… do you have any idea why this girl disappeared? Are there any theories?”

“You’re concerned.” He stated unfazed, without looking up from the chopped vegetables. Apparently, he was excellent at reading people too.

“A little… these woods… they’ve always been safe, you know. In fact, I’ve always felt much safer and more secure here than in the city.”

“That’s reasonable. Here, let me.” James stopped you when you attempted to lift the griddle off the fridge as you were too small to reach it yourself. Usually, you’d get a chair and climb on it.

“Thank you.” Watching his muscles flex for just a brief precious moment, you distracted yourself by pouring the potatoes you had cut into slices onto it and then seasoned them with some salt, pepper and rosemary. Along with the rice and the vegetables James had cut, this supper would be simple but amazing. You didn’t bring too much food with you on the weekends, after all.

“The police are groping in the dark. For all they know, Lucy was attacked by one of the bears or she, like myself, slipped somewhere, hit her head…” And in that case, she’s unlikely still alive, he added mutely. “Still, you can’t rule out the possibility she was indeed kidnapped. Her parents told me she took her dog for a walk at the same time of the day all week long, taking the same route. That would make her an easy target.”

You swallowed. “I see…”

“How long are you staying?” His expression was genuine. He cared.

“I’m leaving on Sunday evening but I’ll come back next weekend. It’ll be the last before it’s too cold anyway. The chimney is fine to heat the cabin with but it takes quite a while to get out here by foot.”

Though as of right now, you were unsure whether you should.

-

James and you chatted throughout the entire evening. You got to know him better, his motives, his thoughts, his morals. He had indeed seen terrible things, done terrible things, too. And he had been involved in the expedition to Skull Island, that uncharted piece of land still a mystery to the rest of the world. He would not utter a single word about it.

With every word he did speak though, you began falling for him a little more. How likely would that be? That you’d find an injured man all alone in the forest, treated his wounds and then took a serious liking into him?

“I haven’t properly thanked you yet.” He began when you returned from the bathroom wearing your sleep wear. The coffee this morning wasn’t nearly enough, all the excitement of potentially having saved a life today tearing on your energy. You were tired.

A smile spread on your lips, your heart speeding up. “You’re welcome, James. I was planning on watching a movie before bed. Would you like to join me?” Your TV truly was the only luxury in this cabin. Acquiring the electricity for it had been tricky but you were proud of the outcome.

“What kind of movie?”

“Well… Halloween is coming up. How about something spooky?” And the background noises of the TV would make you fall asleep easier. You didn’t tell him that, of course.

If anything, James Conrad was restrained, surrounded by a hard, impenetrable shell. He was warming up to you, slowly but surely and with that, melted your own timidity.

You picked a movie from the stash you had brought on your first weekend, with James disappearing in the kitchen to prepare some tea for you two. It was a simple gesture, one he could not help. It had been a while since the last time he was with a woman—a woman he was undoubtedly interested in.

It was so simple, so raw. You, wearing an oversized shirt and fluffy socks, your hair in a bun and wearing no make-up. So natural and somehow… vulnerable—and that, compared with the fact you had saved his life today—made you seem so incredibly strong and independent he felt his heart beating faster upon laying his eyes on you.

Carefully, so he wouldn’t trigger any pain, he sat down, putting the steaming mugs on the coffee table.

It didn’t take you long to get sleepy as soon as you hit play, once again grateful to fate for having brought a mysterious and handsome man to your doorstep. Before you knew it, your head dropped onto his shoulder and you drifted off into dreamland.

James smiled to himself. It was a strange and unusual way to meet a woman—but certainly, he was not going to complain. It would be irresponsible of him not to make sure you were safe and sound when you came back here next weekend.

He’d pay you a visit, hoping that by that time, he’d already have found the girl and could relax, preferably, with you in his arms. But for now, he pressed a tender kiss on your head before carrying you to bed.

-

A/N: Check out my blog to find more Imagines and take a glimpse at my first (to be) published novel! Also, if you enjoyed this story, I would appreciate so much if you supported me on Kofi! ko-fi.com/sserpente ♥

[spitzofseidou]

ace of diamond (season 1) review

Hey there! I have recently finished the first season of Ace of Diamond and I’m going to be reviewing on five categories: plot/pacing, characterization/relationships, voice acting, art and OST. Aaaand because of how much I enjoyed it, I’m going to throw in my favorite character, dynamic and OP/ED. At the end I’ll be adding rewatchability/recc score. 

Genre: Shonen / Sports Subgenres: Comedy / Slice of Life / School  Synopsis: Sawamura Eijun is a unique southpaw pitcher from a small town in Nagano with a lot of potential but unpolished skills. After being scouted to play for Seidou High School (a prestigous baseball school in Tokyo) he is encouraged by his friends and family to go and accept the offer and pursue his passion for baseball at a higher level. Confident to the point of arrogant, he declares that he will be the ace pitcher on this new team and be the best -- but has to grapple with the fact he is surrounded now by extremely powerful, talented players who have been honing their skills for years-- some of whom are better than him, like his rival Furuya Satoru, a pitcher with a wicked fastball. Together, this team aims to be the best in Japan and aim for the Summer Koshien, tackling formidable teams who stand in their way--as well as work on their own goals, dreams, fears and insecurities. 

Plot & pacing: The pacing of this show is very well done. In a 75 episode first season, it is rather long, with many of the baseball games drawn out. But its well worth it, as the writing brings a lot of emotional gratification by “feeling what they feel.” Starting with Sawamura being scouted, going through intense spring training and the selection of the summer starting roster, throughout the highs and lows of the summer season and into the post-summer scrimmages and finally rounding out the season with the third-year retirement game before the fall tournament raffle, every bit is given important narrative attention. 

The reveal of information through the eyes of the protagonist; not knowing about Chris Yuu Takagawa’s injury until Sawamura knows it, not knowing how much the current third years sucked as players until the right moment through flashbacks during the tipping point of the finals game, for example -- is such an important choice that we as an audience feel what he feels. The summer games feel very high stakes, the emotional impact is well-earned; every victory feels like it was earned and not given through plot armor or well ~obviously Seidou is the protagonist team, they have to win.~ Seidou as a team was written as strong but not invincible. SPOILER: This is emphasized at the finals game against Inashiro. Despite losing, while emotionally devastating, it feels like it was a logical writing choice and will be important growth for not just Sawamura but the team as a whole. 

The yips arc that follows the loss wraps up in a very wholesome retirement game, with Sawamura not fully recovering, but beginning to do truly do so, and the hopeful note of beginning the fall tournament, leaving the audience ready and excited for more. 

As a side note, Ace of Diamond very beautifully balances comedy to drama, so it takes itself seriously but is also genuinely comedic. I have two running jokes of “fellas, is it gay to x” and “screenshot of out context being x” as well as actually laughing over some of the planned jokes. But it is truly an emotional carthartic journey.

[Did I cry? yes. so much.]

characterization & relationships: All of the characters feel very well-rounded with diverse ethnic and social backgrounds and personality traits. Some may be static but many of them experience growth to become better people and players. Sawamura is a good “bouncing board” of a character, as someone who goes from arrogant to experiencing several setbacks and a devastating loss that makes him examine his own biases, weaknesses and flaws that also reveals to his opponents their own shortcomings. Several other characters are better players than him, and that’s okay. On the flipside, one of the canon examinations as well as audience reaction is that Coach Kataoka has a team who is a family, a well-oiled machine who works amazingly together because they trust and care for one another, that he encourages growth and inspires them to be the best not just as baseball players, but as individuals as well. The opposing teams are also not just blank slates to fight against, but thoughtful people with their own desires, backgrounds and flaws--Mei Narumiya is cocky and unable to handle criticism once put on a pedestal, Sanada Shunpei has low stamina, etc etc. 

Something that’s extremely important to reemphasize is the relationship the Seidou team has to one another in that everyone affects everyone else. Sawamura chooses to go to Seidou specifically because Miyuki Kazuya, a first year at the time, encouraged him to pitch, so he had one upperclassman who already believed in him by the time he enrolled. Sawamura has both batchmates (first years Furuya Satoru and Haruichi Kominato) that encourage him through rivalry (Furuya) or gentle friendship (Haruichi) and several upperclassmen he admires and multiple times states he adores this team as it is, because he looks up to them for guidance and inspiration-- quiet team captain Tetsuya Yuuki, loud outfielder Isashiki Jun (the namesake of this blog, “the spitz of seidou”), speed demons Ryousuke Kominato and Youichi Kuramochi, and more. 

In particular, he has an exchange of growth with Chris Yuu Takagawa, someone he mistook for being uncaring and hopeless about baseball with a dead-eyed appearance. Chris, after being injured, all but had given up on playing again, but Sawamura’s noisy and blunt personality who kept pushing him encouraged him to return to the field, and have hope again. Chris is a teacher that Sawamura then deeply respects and is there for him when he has the yips, returning the favor to help break him out his funk. The symbolism. *weeps*

Important to note also it that is isn’t just about Sawamura and the effect he has on them, but the relationships they have with each other. The Kominato brothers have their own relationship where Haruichi wants to be like his older brother; Isashiki may act wild and aggressive and cocky, but he is truly humbled by their team captain Tetsu; Miyuki and Chris met years before Seidou and that informs their dynamic and the kind of players they are today. This also extends to other teams; some have similarities like Akikawa Academy revering their pitcher Yang Shunchen and how that parallels with Seidou adoring Tanba even when he was out with an injury, and others juxtaposed with them i.e. how some players at Inashiro seem to resent the spotlight Mei receives or Shirakawa callously telling another player to kill himself. 

I also wanted to note the way Coach Kataoka also sees his team; he is in many ways like a stern but loving father figure who wants the best out of his boys in every way, off and on the field. Other coaches seem to care more about money or fame than their wellbeing (Coach Todoroki or the replacement coach for Seidou), and others have different styles as coaches whether from pro experience or just age. It really emphasizes that it’s not just about the talent a team may or may not have, but how those players are nurtured as people.

(Favorite relationships: Chris & Sawamura, the Kominatos, Miyuki & Chris, .)

[Side note: if you care about shipping, this is a buffet, you’re going to have a great time.]

Voice Acting: The voices of this cast are spot on. Everyone’s voice seems to match their face and personalities and all of the voice actors give 110% to the character. The voices really make it for me, as I’m very particular about the sounds. It feels very realistic and the voices really make them seem like actual people and gives the audience a reason to invest. I’ve got nothing but praise for the voice actors and voice direction of this cast. Art: I could go on and on about the art. The motion is very fluid, the backgrounds are amazing. The character designs are stunning and everyone feels unique and given thought. Style-wise it was very refreshing to see as a lot of modern anime I’ve been watching seems to have the stereotypical “2000s” feel, whereas Ace of Diamond feels like a gorgeous late nineties/early 2000s homage--fitting since, despite airing in 2013-2015, the manga originated in 2006 and it followed the art of the manga nicely. The color palettes are very beautiful and vibrant. I remarked more than once while watching it that it was clear that the artists cared for studying human anatomy, movement and realism (in comparison to how some battle shonen care more for looking cool.) The art is what drew me in to begin with and it never disappointed.  OST: I loved the OST so much. Frying-Pan did such an amazing job delivering gorgeous pieces of music. The beauty of it was just off the charts and went above and beyond to make fitting pieces for character themes, scenario specific pieces etc. Also the OPs by Tom H@ck and Glay were appropriately themed and got me pumped every time. I love the various endings also and their little character revealing bits. I like them all so much I never skipped them while watching.

[Favorite OP: Perfect Hero. Favorite ED: Cloud Nine. I listen to Cloud Nine literally every day.] Can I rewatch? Absolutely! Even knowing what’s going to happen, the emotional journey is worth it.  Would I recommend? 10/10. Even if you don’t like sports, this is a great one. It was my first sports anime and it has set the bar so very high. 

[kai-keda]

11-14 for anime ask

11: Anime you didn’t expect to like but did:

- I’m sure there’s quite a few but Dragon Ball is definitely one. Especially considering all my early attempts to get into it that ended in failure.

- Idolish7. Okay now, hear me out, Reda, her husband and myself were doing this thing where we pulled up crunchyroll and tried to find some anime that we had never seen before and preferably none of us had ever even heard of before.

So Idolish7 was one of those anime where we watched the first episode and omg it was so much fun. It’s so cheesy, it’s so dumb, it’s so obviously just trying to check boxes for “appealing” anime and it’s so ENJOYABLE!

I should go watch some more of it tbh. I remember enjoying the heck out of it despite laughing at it in the beginning (and kinda giggling throughout) and genuinely caring about the characters on some superficial level.

12: Anime that should get more attention from others:

SHIROBAKO IS INCREDIBLE AND I JUST REMEMBERED THE ENGLISH DUB DVD/BLU-RAY SET IS GONNA BE RELEASED SOMETIME THIS MONTH IF IT HASN’T BEEN ALREADY AND I NEEEEEEED IT LIKE SPONGEBOB NEEDS WATER!

Shirobako is this GREAT anime about a group of women who had an anime club in high school where they created an original anime special and played it for their school’s festival.

The anime focuses primarily on one girl in particular who works as a production assistant at a professional anime studio while the other four from her club are around and also trying to get into/ make it in the business.

It.

Is.

So.

Good.

If you are a creative - artist, animator, 3D modeler, voice actor, writer - you will find someone somewhere in this anime to relate too. I PROMISE!

It is SO AMAZING AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

WHY IS THERE SO LITTLE FANART AND ZERO MERCH, WHY MUST THE FANDOM GODS CURSE ME WITH SUCH A FUTILE HYPERFIXATION!

13: Funniest anime you have watched:

- It would be so easy to say Hetalia here. Like, so very easy. But let’s sit down and try to think outside the box, Kay?

There’s this other anime that I watched quite a bit of back in the day, I believe it was called Puchimas? But I’m not entirely sure. That could be a bunch of random syllables my brain is trying to put together in an attempt to remember it.

It’s another 5-minute-per-episode anime and basically there’s these miniature versions of different characters that run around causing havoc.

I don’t remember anything at all from it besides finding it hilarious.

If you want a full-length anime, though, there’s always Azumanga Daihyo. Pretty sure I’m spelling that one wrong, too. It’s really funny and it seems to me that Nichijou and Lucky Star were both attempting to mimic that style/success.

It is the definition of slice-of-life because there is no over-arching story, it’s just the characters going through High School and it is some of the funniest shit ever.

14: Saddest anime you have ever watched:

Grave of the Fireflies.

Hm but somehow something is eating at me telling me there’s something sadder I’ve watched. I feel like it’s something Quantum has shown me. Maybe I’m thinking of that one Gundam spin-off anime he showed me? What was it, 0090? That sounds right.

Aaaahh I still feel like there’s something sadder I’ve seen.

Something that really fucked me up and made me feel awful in a good way afterwards.

It might’ve been something I’ve watched with my brother where afterwards we just kinda stared at the screen and at each other like “that feels awful.”

Hm... there was that DVD of older anime shorts of some kind. Yeah, something on there must’ve been the saddest anime I’ve ever seen but I just can’t remember what it was at all.

Since I’m on mobile and don’t want to look at another “tab” on my phone cause it’ll risk losing my answer, I’ll try to find it and reblog this post with it. Maybe.

AHHH THIS IS DRIVING ME CRAZY FUCK IT LET’S JUST SAY GRAVE OF THE FIREFLIES AND ALL GO HOME!

[goldeneyedgirl]

Fic-Mas Day 12: The Unexpected Second Life of Mary Alice Brandon

... And we’re done. Last day. Is anyone as shocked as I am that I made a daily post without missing any? Twelve days absolutely flew by. I hope you all found something to read that you enjoyed, and I am genuinely sorry that I didn’t get enough time to yell ‘Surprise! New STL chapter!’ 

So, today I bring you something from my very earliest Twilight fic writing efforts. Tomorrow, there shall be a nice linked round-up of all the fics I posted because I am super sleepy. 

(Okay, so this is actually samples from each of the 4 fics in the series - Magnolia, Hush Hush, Beautiful & Strange, and Wonderland. This was one of my first Twilight fics, and my attempt to writing Alice and Jasper in the place of Bella and Edward. I didn’t just want to name swap, I wanted to tell their version of the story - I know what happens in canon, let’s try something new.

So, Magnolia corresponds to Twilight in that Alice moves to Forks when her mother remarries, meets the Cullens, and gets involved with Jasper. Hush Hush is a mix of the end of Twilight and New Moon; The Beautiful and the Strange and Wonderland don’t really fit into Eclipse or Breaking Dawn at all; because Alice is a lot different to Bella, and because I haven’t written as much of either of them - just a few important scenes that I wanted to include.

This was started, like, 5 years ago, so it is a little wonky. I still love them, mostly because I managed to capture an Alice voice I liked. Like Hybrid and Memento Mori, Magnolia!Alice has a very distinctive voice. This is old enough that I’m quite nervous posting it, but I want to.

Also, you technically get four fics at once, because it’s Christmas Eve Eve and I feel like it.)

Magnolia

The vision was soupy. Moving through the forest leaves brushing across my face. It was dark, I could barely see a foot in front of me.

Flashes of rust-coloured snow.

And Jasper, crouched and looking like a stranger – feral and single-minded, his golden eyes blackened, the circles underneath his eyes angry, making him look inhuman.

And then he lunged, with impossible speed and agility. I wanted to scream.

The buck he was aiming for crumbled to the side with a great bellow, Jasper’s teeth sinking into its throat, his hands crushing its massive throat. Blood spilled past his throat, rivers of it that seemed to pulse as it spilt. The animal moaned one last time as it sunk into its death.

He finally rose, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. The raw, gaping wound on the buck’s throat, its dull eyes. Jasper’s satisfied look, the blood smeared across his jaw.

I opened my eyes and screamed.

--

I never spoke of what I really saw the night of the crash. I woke up to a patchy vision with a southern accent calling out to me, “Hold on, darlin’.” I woke up, and looked to my left, to see the man that was my father, had been my father, was slumped in the seat beside me. He was staring blankly at me, his eyes wide.

His jugular had been completely severed by a piece of glass, cutting half-way through his neck. There was nothing but sinew, blood and death. His hand was thrown across the console as if he had been reaching for me in that moment.

I sat in the middle of that clearing for hours, feeling the cold seep into my clothes, just thinking about the blood. The blood of the animals from my vision, the blood of Michael Brandon, seeping into the seats of his car, into his teenage daughter’s skirt.

I could even taste it.

I didn’t really notice time passing, the air getting colder.

It wasn’t until an enormous russet wolf stepped into the clearing that I realised how late it was, how long I had been in the forest.

He was as large as my shoulder, all rippling muscle and golden eyes, staring at me and approaching slowly.

“Oh god,” I stammered, leaping to my feet and clutching my satchel.

-- Jasper appeared in the glade suddenly, and for a second, I saw my vision overlay reality, and I just wanted to scream.

“Thanks Seth,” Jasper nodded at the wolf as he approached me. “Alice, your mother called Esme. You went missing and everyone is worried.”

I dropped back to the boulder where I had taken up my vigil. It was too much. I just needed... I didn’t even know what I needed. I looked down, at my muddy sneakers, at the beetle making its way up the boulder.

“Alice, are you okay?” Jasper said urgently, moving towards me.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked suddenly, meeting his dark-golden eyes.

“Tell you what?” Jasper looked confused.

“What you are,” I said simply.          

Jasper physically recoiled at my words.

“The eyes, the never eating at lunch, why you never touch me…” I shook my head. “By themselves, those are just quirks. Understandable, from a foster kid. Together… I knew something was up, I should have listened to my visions.”

“We don’t feed on humans,” Jasper replied softly. “We only feed on wild animals. I would never hurt you, Alice.” A small smile ghosted across his face. “And you don’t smell good, anyway.” At my affronted look, he chuckled. “Your medications. They pollute the blood. I-I… I was grateful when I found out. That I could be around you without temptation. Well,” he amended, “without the temptation of your blood. You are very much a temptress in other ways, Alice.��

I let out a laugh-sob. “A vampire.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he drawled in his Texan accent that always made my knees weak. He came closer,

By the time we headed back to the house, it was dark, and my cardigan wasn’t keeping out much of the cold. Jasper was keeping a very obvious distance between us, and I wasn’t sure whether I wanted him to stay away from me, or hold my hand.

“You told her!” Rosalie was yelling before we were even in the house, moving so from where she was pacing in the sitting room to standing in front of me with a murderous expression in less than a second. I flinched, backing up against Jasper, as he gently pulled me against his side.

No one should be able to move that fast.

“She had a vision, Rosalie,” Jasper sounded irritated, but the expression on his face was utterly foreign, a threat and a warning in a dark glare. “It was inevitable.”

“Not if you had left her alone!” Rosalie picked up a china ornament of some sort and threw it. I flinched as it smashed on the wall behind me and pressed closer to Jasper. I heard a strange rumbling and my eyes nearly bugged out; Jasper was growling. At Rosalie.

“Rosalie, enough,” Esme said sharply from behind us, and bestowed a smile on me. “Alice, sweetheart, come and have something to drink whilst everyone gets all the yelling over with.”

I adored the Cullen’s kitchen – all grey and white and brass. Beautiful hand-painted tiles over the apparently unused stove that told a story about a boy and a girl on a farm throughout the four seasons.

Esme pushed the kitchen door closed as I heard the raised voices.

“Sit. You gave everyone a scare, disappearing like that,” she said as she went to the fridge.

“I just needed somewhere to think,” I said, as I watched Esme move around the kitchen. “Why do you keep food if you don’t eat it?”

Esme looked up from where she was slicing a tomato. “We have friends who do eat, and grocery shopping makes us appear more normal. We donate a lot of the canned and packaged foods to charities out of state, though.”

I nodded and looked towards the kitchen door as there was more sudden yelling.

“Rosalie’s bark is much worse than her bite,” Esme said; she’d worked quickly – she was already setting in front of me a glass of lemonade and a sandwich. “She loves her family fiercely, and she wants to protect them from danger. But in Rosalie’s view, everyone outside of the family is a danger.”

I smiled my thanks at Esme and took a bite of the sandwich. After a moment, I looked back up.

“Why’s she freaking out? From what I’ve seen, I don’t have much of a defence against any of you.”

Esme came over and sat opposite me. “Does that scare you?”

“Rosalie scares me. What I saw Jasper do to that deer scares me. But I’m used to having no way to protect myself,” I said, taking another bite of my sandwich.

“Oh, Alice,” Esme sounded so sympathetic. “Sweetheart…”

“Jasper’s told you about me, I guess?” I asked softly.

“A little. I think maybe Emmett might have been his sounding board – Carlisle and I have parts of the story, and despite what you might think, Emmett is exceptionally good at both keeping a secret and blocking out Edward,” Esme replied. “We know that you have extensive memory loss and were hospitalised for your visions. Jasper went to Carlisle for information on that, to see if he could help you.”

I flushed and took a long drink to avoid replying. The sound of something heavy shattering made me choke on the lemonade and splash it down my front.

“Another opportunity to redecorate,” Esme reassured me. “They should calm down soon.”

I nodded. Before I could say anything else, the kitchen door burst open, to reveal Rosalie and Jasper tumbling into the room; the other Cullens following at a more human pace.

Esme stood up warily, and I wondered briefly if Rosalie was going to try and hurt me. But I’d see that decision, wouldn’t I?

She was staring at me with such rage and hate that I wanted to leave. Instead, I finished my sandwich, trying to calm myself down – though, they could all probably hear my heart pounding.

“You know you have to die, right?” Rosalie hissed at me.

I looked up. “That’s pretty inevitable for most people,” I replied evenly.

“You know about us,” she spat. Jasper let out a warning growl, standing behind my chair. I could hear the wood creaking under his grip.

“Enough, Rosalie,” Carlisle said, looking frustrated. “Nothing is going to happen to you, Alice.”

I nodded, without making eye-contact. That’s what Mom said when she sent me to the hospital. What the doctors said when they told me about the ECT. It’s just another well-meaning lie.

Rosalie was pacing in the kitchen, Jasper was glaring at her, and the rest of them were just watching me stare at the dregs of my lemonade until the vision flashed across my mind and I scowled at Rosalie.

“You aren’t subtle, are you?” I said. “Of all the choices, you went with that one?”

Rosalie hissed at me, as everyone focused back on me.

“What did you see?” Carlisle asked.

“Rosalie planning on choking the life out of me. I’ve seen people who’ve been strangled, it’s a nasty way to go. Plus, we live in Forks and I’m on a whole pharmacy worth of drugs and I have known mental issues. There are dozens of ways you could dispose of me that wouldn’t implicate an outside party and wouldn’t be horrible from my end.”

“Rosalie,” Esme said, her tone reminding me of Matron. “You are not going to harm Alice in any way. Understand?”

“I didn’t see that – in your head,” Edward said suddenly, taking a seat at the table. “It was...”

“They aren’t linear. Kind of like… riddles, with clues that only make sense to me,” I said, twisting a strange of hair around my finger. “And… it’s not just what I see. I could smell Rosalie’s perfume, feel the rain on my face.”

“Fascinating,” Edward breathed.

I smiled and reached for my lemonade. “I don’t always understand them myself,” I said. “It’s weird.”

That was always the one thing that bugged me about the accident. Had I known? I knew that I had always had some kind of foresight, from Mom and Cynthia. Had I just not managed to change that future? Had I not been able to work out what the vision meant until it was too late?

Hush Hush

Of all the things I’ve achieved in my life, this had to be the most satisfying.

By a long shot.

I mean, I had no memories from before I was thirteen, and I was a thoroughly average high school student, so there wasn’t a ton of competition for that title.

If there were two things in this world that I loved beyond explanation, it was my boyfriend and really fast cars.

Problem: I didn’t own a car, and said boyfriend was rather old-fashioned and restrained.  

So my current situation was one of my greatest achievements: I had managed to sweet talk my Civil War-era boyfriend into the backseat of a shiny Maserati convertible.  

Of course, the car was still parked in the Cullen’s ridiculously huge garage – I wasn’t entirely sure whose car it was, and I didn’t need Jasper taking the time to think our planned activities through and come up with a dozen reasons why we couldn’t do them in the time it took to take the car and drive it somewhere we wouldn’t be caught.  

My stepsister, Ellie, had already proved that the Forks police had a no-tolerance policy for teenagers in the backseats of cars. My mom and Ellie’s dad had not been pleased when the cops delivered Ellie home.

I attributed some of the success to my outfit; I had picked it out with some kind of debauchery in mind. Honestly, I had only been hoping for a few scorching kisses in his study. I hadn’t expected this level of reaction. Apparently, the combination of a short skirt and thigh-high socks that left a slim band of bare skin had been a winner – my high-heeled mary janes had been chosen to give me a few extra inches of height. And I was in love with my new shirt – I had liked the bows on both shoulders; Jasper had evidently liked the low V-neck.

Either way, that had lead to our current situation – us pawing each other in the back seat of a very expensive car, me in his lap with my arms around his neck, him with one hand on my leg, stroking the skin left bare by my socks, and one cupping my cheek.

His gaze kept dipping to the small amount of cleavage I had managed to produce, thanks to a well-padded bra, which assured me that I would be basking in this particular success until I finally had to go home, or until one of the other Cullens’ caught us.

What happened next was completely my fault. No one else thinks so, mostly because they think I’m the adorably naïve human girl, who is ranked somewhere between ‘bunny’ and ‘kitten’ on the innocence scale. I had suitably shocked Emmett on several occasions with the filthiness of both my vocabulary and mind, but they still hadn’t caught on.

I had also had a long chat with Jasper about what was and wasn’t okay. He wasn’t comfortable touching me much, terrified he’d hurt me accidently or lose control. There had also been an awkward conversation about vampires and instincts that pretty much boiled down to the fact he really, really wanted to sleep with me, but I wouldn’t survive the experience.

I’d observed that he might have outgrown his teenage years before the wheel had been invented (I’d gotten a dirty look for that one), but I was fully entrenched in the teenage years, and despite what modern media continued to say, that hormones and sex-drives weren’t the sole property of boys, and I definitely wanted him to man-handle me. That most of my aspirations for the coming year involved his mouth and hands.

If he could have blushed, I’m sure he would have been luminous red. I know I was blushing, even as the words came out of my mouth.

I know Edward was probably wheezing with laughter somewhere in the house.

After a long and drawn-out negotiation, sex was off the table, at least until he was sure he could keep himself under control and not hurt or bite me accidentally. Anything else was up for debate as needed, though he retained the right to remove himself from the situation if it became too ‘tempting’.

Pretty sure that ‘massive drama queen’ is an added requirement of being a vampire.

The first two weeks, he would pull himself away from me after a few quick kisses, which was maddening at best.  Rosalie had finally pulled me aside and given me her version of a pep-talk: we were both insane, I was going to get killed, but give him time to work out his boundaries. Patience, young grasshopper.

I had stood in the hall looking confused for several seconds, since the only things Rosalie normally said to me could qualify as ‘terrifying threats’ on a good day.

Then, the next time I visited, she bought a copy of Cosmo and read aloud from several of its articles. Emmett had been intrigued, and enthusiastically debated the merits of all the, uh, suggestions; Bella had been curious, Edward had been horrified, Esme had been amused and a touch embarrassed and Jasper had been frozen with mortification.

I had been about ten levels more mortified than Esme at first, thinking this was Rosalie’s version of punishing me for, well, being me and human – the list of my indiscretions was endless as far as Rose was considered - before I decided to simply own it, and debated with her about the magazine’s suggestions, and the flexibility of the human body.

Carlisle came home to Emmett wheezing with laughter, Edward sitting stiffly at the piano, Rosalie smirking behind her magazine, with Bella trying subtly to read over her shoulder, Esme trying her hardest not to giggle, and Jasper dragging me out of the house, telling everyone Rosalie and I were terrible influences on everyone. But I got felt up before he took me home, so I considered it a victory.

What I’m trying to say is that we had boundaries, we knew the boundaries and we respected those boundaries. Clothes stayed on, hands stayed on neutral flesh only, and we generally stayed away from any beds, couches or places that could be repurposed as such.

So when I pulled away, breathing hard, and said, “Wait,” I knew I was playing with fire. I had straightened up, and swung one of my legs over his, straddling his lap. I had put one of his hands on my hip, and the other at my waist. The whole time, he looked at me with dark eyes, looking amused, and then down my top again.

According to Emmett, Jasper hadn’t seen a naked woman since the literal 1800s, let alone boobs. I was really doing my civic duty – and it wasn’t like I had much to boast about in that area.

Knowing that it was absolutely in our no-go zone, I took my top off, and pressed myself back against him. He was looking at me, startled and wide-eyed. “Alice…” his voice was rough, his hands resting very carefully on my skirt-clad hips.

I giggled, kissing the side of his mouth. “You kept sneaking peeks. Figured you had earned a look.” And then I kissed him, hard, to silence him.

He was very tentative, putting his hands back at my waist, and groaning a little when he touched my bare skin. I must admit, I sighed a little as he slid his hands up my torso, and pressed closer.  When his hand gently cupped my breast over my bra, I moaned into his mouth and rolled my hips against him, rather desperately.  I could feel that as much as I might be behaving badly, he wanted it as much as I did. I even remember thinking, ‘God, how can you be this controlled?’

It happened in a split second, one of his arms snaking around my waist, the growl in his chest, how black his eyes were when I knew he’d been hunting only a few days ago.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not and have never been afraid of Jasper, or any of the Cullens. Well, I have been afraid of Rosalie, but that’s mostly her glowing personality, and not the fact she’s a vampire.

I wasn’t afraid then. I just suddenly knew that this wasn’t going to end with me putting my shirt back on and giggling stupidly as he took me home. ��That this was going to end with Jasper being deeply unhappy with himself.

He flipped me – in one moment, I was flat on my back, him on top of me, my knees on either side of his hips, his mouth on mine and both hands cupping my face. Then he moved one arm to wrap around my waist, and pain flooded my right side. I gasped, the pain turning my vision white for a second.

He was off me in a second, across the room, and I was still seeing stars – I knew he had picked up when my emotions turned from, uh, happy to ohgodfuckshitpain. It was a pain I was familiar with, even if my panicked, dazed mind was going, ‘broken spine. You earned that one, girlie.’ Apparently my conscience sounded like that one nurse from the hospital.

“Jas,” I hissed, trying to get my vision to clear. I blinked hard and he was gone. “Jasper.”

A second later, Jasper was back with Bella. A good choice. Bella wouldn’t judge or criticize us, she would just help.

Jasper looked panicked. I would have laughed at his expression, if I wasn’t lying in the back of what I assumed was Rosalie’s car, topless, with broken ribs. I was also trying to push back flashbacks from the car accident, which was making my vision swim.

“Alice, you need to tell me where it hurts,” Bella’s voice was soft, kind, as she hovered over me.

“Ribs. Right,” I managed. Bella nodded, and opened the door of the car.

“Can you sit up?” she asked.

“I can try,” I managed.

“Slowly, carefully and if it’s too much, you can stop, okay? We just need to get you out of the car,” Bella said and I was intensely grateful for her presence. Jasper hadn’t moved or said anything, just kept looking at me with the saddest eyes I had ever seen.

I took a deep breath, and attempted to pull myself into a sitting position, blackness creeping in the corners of my vision. I was shivering quite badly, and for a moment my vision swum and I felt myself sway. And then soft hands steadied me. Bella.

“It’s okay, you’re up. Halfway there,” she said. “Jasper, where’s her shirt?”

Jasper reached into the front seat, and silently handed it over.  Bella gave him an indecipherable look and attempted to get the shirt back on me. I couldn’t get it on. I was in too much pain, and couldn’t lift my arm up.

“That’s okay,” Bella soothed. “You can borrow a shirt. I’ll go and find you one – Jasper, sit with her. Carlisle should be home soon, and we can get her fixed up.”

Jasper crouched in front of me, looking heartbroken. I offered him a weak smile, which he didn’t return. He could barely meet my gaze and I honestly hated myself at that moment.

Bella came back, clutching a flannel button down, and with Edward, Rose and Emmett in tow.

I would have preferred to be in another car accident.

“Having some wholesome fun out here, kids?” Emmett was grinning like a mad man.

“Shut up, Emmett,” Jasper said quietly, standing up.

Edward crouched in front of me. “Alice?” he said kindly.

“I think I’ve cracked some of my ribs,” I said quietly, as if I were a child telling someone a secret.

“No, tell the truth, Alice,” Rosalie spoke up, her arms crossed over her chest. “You think Jasper broke your ribcage.”

“Don’t, Rose,” Emmett said to her. “Look at them, it’s like kicking a puppy.”

Rose growled under her breath.

Bella was very carefully helping me into the shirt that was at least two sizes too big, but buttoned up the front. Jasper was hovering, and all I really wanted was him to look at me, and talk to me.  

“Let’s get you into the house,” Edward said, still holding my other hand. “Jasper, you’ll have to carry her.”

Jasper looked alarmed. “I-”

“If you say you can’t, I will punch you,” Rosalie said crossly. “You can, and you will.”

I smiled weakly. “The things I do to get your to put your hands on me,” I joked, and Emmett guffawed in the background. “I’m going to be fine. I’ve broken my ribs before.”

“See?” Rosalie turned away. “Carlisle will be home soon, and we can work out a cover story before we take her to hospital.”

Jasper met my gaze as he bent down, and I sent all my thoughts of love, trust and reassurance at him.

He kissed the top of my head gently and gathered me up.

Carlisle and Esme got home fifteen minutes later; I was on the couch with several ancient ice-packs pressed to my side, with Bella, Edward and Jasper hovering, Emmett making tasteless jokes from the chair, and Rosalie glaring at us and muttering about steam-cleaning the inside of her car.

“What happened?” were Carlisle’s first words, drowning out Esme’s gasp. He was beside me in a second.

“Would you believe me if I said I fell down the stairs?” I said.

“Perhaps, if you hadn’t started that sentence with the phrase ‘would you believe me’,” Carlisle said.

“I hurt her,” Jasper said abruptly.

“Two or three fractured ribs,” Edward said, “maybe broken, on the right side.”

“Ah,” Carlisle said. “Maybe I examine them, Alice?”

“Go nuts,” I said, as Carlisle lifted my shirt, and began moving the ice packs away.

“Oh, sweetheart,” Esme breathed as they glimpsed my side. I knew from experience that my side would be many fantastic shades of blue and purple, but for people whose skin was harder than concrete, who couldn’t bruise or bleed, I’m sure it looked horrific. The ice packs had eased some of the general pain, and some of the swelling.

I could feel Jasper’s mortification and shame bleeding out of him, and reached for his hand.

“Those are some very impressive bruises,” Carlisle said simply. “You’ve definitely done some kind of damage, but we’ll need to take an x-ray to be sure.”

“What are you going to say when you take her in?” Rosalie spoke up. “Sorry, my pseudo-son got a little handsy and crushed this girl’s ribcage?”

“Rosalie!” Esme scolded.

“No, we need a cover story,” Carlisle said, looking down at me.

God, for people that have lived longer than the television had been invented, they really weren’t good at this.

“I fell down the stairs,” I said simply.

“Doing cartwheels or something,” Bella said slowly.

“And I landed funny,” I said. “It doesn’t have to be a fancy story. Just dumb teenager stuff.”

//

“A coven in Alaska are threatening our cousins in Denali,” Carlisle said gently. “The new coven is a group of eight, three of them newborns. They’ve already attacked once, and Eleazer wants us to visit, as a show of force.”

“Okay,” I said slowly.

“We’ll be leaving for a few weeks,” Jasper said to me.

“All of you?” I said, my eyes wide.

//

I was sitting on the back porch, watching the Cullens pack the cars, with a pout on my face. I’d blown off school to see them off – something I would no doubt pay for when I got home tonight.

Bella took a seat next to me. “We’re not going to be gone long,” she offered kindly.

“It’s going to be weeks,” I said miserably.

Rose looked at me, rolled her eyes and tossed me something shiny. I fumbled but managed to catch them – keys on a freaking expensive designer keychain. Keys to her BMW.

“I’ll be back for that, at least,” were her parting words.

I smiled. It was a huge gesture from her, but she wouldn’t want that acknowledged. She had an image to maintain, after all.

Jasper came out of the house, and pulled me into a hug. I sighed.

“We’ll be back,” he said, as he pressed a kiss to my head. “As soon as Eleazer is certain of their safety, we’ll be back.”

“Do you all have to go?” I said, slightly whiny. Some of us are still legitimate teenagers, after all.

“A show of numbers will help deter the nomads. I have the fighting experience, and a gift. Bella and Edward’s gifts, too, will be useful,” he tilted my head up.

“Not thrilled about the idea of gang warfare,” I scowled and he chuckled.

“Gang warfare?”

“I’m from California,” I said, but managed to mangle my accents and it came out like my old Mississippi drawl that made Jasper start snickering.

“We are going to be fine,” he reassured me. “Are you?”

I shrugged. “I’m a survivor,” I said.

“Hurry the hell up, Jasper!” Rosalie bellowed from one of the cars.

“She’s such a delicate flower,” I deadpanned, and Jasper was shaking from the effort of trying not to laugh.  

“I love you,” he said.

“I love you too. Call me?” I sighed, pulling away. “Or email. I don’t want everyone listening in on me bitching about high school. Didn’t you say the sisters were from, like, twelfth-century Russia? Oh god, you’re going to be shut into some ridiculous ski lodge with beautiful blonde Russians in Alaska,” I moaned.

“I can assure you, the appeal of Tanya and her sisters fades once you hear their, ah, stories,” Jasper made a face. “I will be hanging around the Denali house, sending you dozens upon dozens of messages, waiting for the appropriate time to call and irritating Edward with my constant thoughts of you.”

Rose was now pressing the horn in an obnoxious pattern of sounds.

“Rosalie is going to spontaneously combust if you don’t leave now,” I said. “Kiss for the road?”

Jasper smiled and me, and pulled me back to him. “If the lady so wishes.”

//

“You take the pills, or you go to a hospital in Seattle, Alice,” Mom said flatly, holding out two pills and a glass of water. “I can have you there first thing tomorrow, if that’s what you choose. But those are your only options.”

//

The little white pills took only two days to drag me under.

It was like I was half-asleep all the time, and just going through the motions. My life revolved around how soon I could crawl back into my bed.

The nightmares didn’t really leave me, either – they simply turned soupy and surreal, and I no longer had the energy to scream. I would drag myself out of bed at the last minute, pull on whatever clothes came to hand, and pick at my toast in the car. At school, I drifted from class to class, until it was time to go home. Ellie was under strict orders to drive me to and from school for the time being, which made life easier. When I got home, I would simply shower and crawl into bed. Mom would usually wake me after dinner, with something to eat, before I went back to sleep.

My homework was ignored and my classwork was neglected badly. I pretty much quit dance classes, and had handed over Rose’s keys without resistance. The hard-won weight I had gained since I arrived in Forks slipped away. I had no interest in food or drawing or shopping.

Mom was happy, though. She didn’t seem to care that I was in danger of failing entirely, or that sleep was my focus. Weekends were the worst – I’d drag myself down for breakfast at noon, sleep until dinner and then go straight back to bed. Just showering and changing burnt away any dregs of energy I had left.

Mom had won the war, and I was medicated into oblivion. She didn’t care that I was still having nightmares, that I wanted to scream but couldn’t – she was sleeping through the night again.

Jasper was calling and messaging me regularly. It was exhausting to reply and pretend everything was fine. I wanted nothing more than for him to come home and be here, to beg him to come home to me. But I couldn’t do it. I knew he worried about me normally, being a totally ordinary, squishy little human, let alone with all my issues and problems. I didn’t want to validate all those fears by asking him to help me. I needed to be able to be without him. And he’d been gone for ages – they had to be getting ready to come home soon.  

I remember rolling over and finding Cyn and Ellie in my room; Ellie sitting on my desk chair backwards, Cyn lying next to me on the bed. I’d be having a nice dream for once, of Jasper and I, back at the Cullen house. Late afternoon sunlight was spilling through the windows, as Cyn and Ellie watched me.

“What’s up?” I yawned, burying my face back into my pillow.

“Just came to see if you were okay,” Ellie said evenly.

“You were crying,” Cyn said in a small voice. “You were calling out for Jasper Hale, and we didn’t want Mom to hear.”

I opened one eye at nodded at the pillow in Cyn’s lap. “You were going to smother me?” I slurred.

“We told you that you were dreaming and you stopped calling out,” Ellie said. “You look like shit.”

“It’s like 4pm. Can you guys let me sleep?” I huffed, burying myself under my quilt.

“Mom and Craig are fighting,” Cyn said. “About you.”

I blinked and sat up, groggy and miserable. “What did I do now?”

“Dad wants you to rejoin the land of the living or go to the hospital in Seattle,” Ellie said, picking up a china rabbit from my desk and inspecting it. “He thinks that this sleeping all the time is creepy as hell. I agree, for the record.”

“Mom thinks you just need some time to get used to the medicine,” Cyn said, stretching out on my bed, so our hair blended on the pillow.

I noticed after that, Cyn and Ellie were suddenly more helpful. Ellie started doing my laundry for me, clean clothing appearing folded in my bedroom every so often. Cyn would bring me up a drink every now and then – sometimes I would wake up to find her reading or playing on her phone next to me.

“Jasper called,” she told me one afternoon, sliding off the bed.

“I’ll call him back after dinner,” I said, flopping.

“I told him you were sleeping,” she said, looking guilty.

“You answered my phone?” I said, annoyed.

“He rang like five times,” Cyn said. “He said you haven’t called him back. He was making sure you’re okay. Which you aren’t.” And with that, she flounced out of the room.

The Beautiful & The Strange

I hissed as I caught my finger, a small cut opening on my finger.

And then I looked up to realise Jasper had crossed the room instantly, his eyes darkening and focused on the bead of blood welling on my finger tip.

Other than the obvious ‘time of the month’, when I made myself scarce, and the incident with James at the ballet school, I was careful not to bleed around the Cullens. They all said there was really no human equivalent of bloodlust for humans (though that question had sparked a frankly disturbing debate about the psychology of psychopaths and serial killers), and I believed them. I couldn’t imagine any sensation or thing that would inspire any member of this family to commit a murder. I couldn’t think of a thing that would drive me to kill someone I loved, either. Whatever bloodlust felt like, it was far out of my realm of understanding.

And now I was standing in my boyfriend’s study with my hand mid-air, a cut on my finger, and Jasper’s focus one hundred percent on that innocent drop of blood.

I won’t lie and say I wasn’t nervous. But I was more nervous that I wasn’t nervous, if that makes sense. He was tempted; his darkening eyes told me that. And if he truly wanted it, I would be exsanguinated and cold on the floor in seconds. No one was going to debate how deadly or effective a killer Jas was.

Instead, biting my lip, I watched as he gently took my wrist, as if I were made of porcelain, and pull my hand towards him, as the blood ran down my finger.

“Don’t,” I said softly, almost hoping it wouldn’t break the spell. He looked up at me. “I don’t want this to make it harder for you.”

He chuckled darkly and met my gaze as his lips wrapped around my finger. My mouth dropped open in surprise… and, um, something else a moment later, as his tongue lapped at the cut.

There wasn’t enough blood from that tiny cut to change his eye colour or even offer any satisfaction. It would only exasperate the burn in his throat, the tiniest taste of what he had been trying so hard to resist for so long. But as much as I tried to focus on the horrible ramifications of what had just transpired, I was losing the battle with the awareness that his tongue on my finger seemed to be connected to all of my extremities with a live wire.

I was suddenly terribly aware of how loud my breathing was, and how warm I was, and how Jasper was looking at me like a tiger might look at a bunny rabbit.

He released my hand and I pulled it away – the blood already clotting – and grabbed the front of his shirt, pulling him towards me hard, as I stood on my tip-toes, tugging him down to my level. Momentum and Jasper trying not to crush me meant that we ended up pressed against the wall, my hands tangled in his hair, legs around his waist, and his hands supporting my thighs. It was only my regular need for oxygen that pulled us apart, only for him to pull me into another kiss.

And these were kisses. Not the kind that a high school boyfriend gave a high school girlfriend. These were nothing like what we’d had before, and I’d been very – very – happy with our previous efforts.

These were deep and passionate, and definitely the precursor to something big. I was intensely away of his hands on my thighs, and how warm I felt, and how I didn’t feel like I was close enough to him, even though his belt buckle was going to leave an indentation in my skin.

And, frankly, he couldn’t deny that I was having the same effect on him. I could feel him hard against me through his jeans, and for a dazed second, I wondered if it would really be such a bad idea, if we could just get to the couch… He could take whatever he wanted from me and I would be a willing participant. My hips rocked against him as if they had a mind of their own and I felt like I couldn’t catch my breath.

Jasper’s lips pulled away from mine, only to graze my cheek and jaw before taking up residence against my throat, licking and sucking, his teeth gently grazing the skin and I was vaguely aware that at any second, he could rip open that thin layer of skin and drain me dry – it was so much more important to focus on the fact that it felt like my whole body was throbbing in time with Jasper’s gentle sucking.

But before I could open my mouth and suggest that he just… help himself to whatever he wanted with my enthusiastic consent, there was a thump at the door and Edward stormed in, glaring at us.

Jasper pulled away only enough to twist around to growl slightly at the intruder, whilst I was suddenly aware of the position we’d been caught in.

“You need to stop now, Jasper,” Edward said in an even voice that was tinged slightly with irritation. “You’re influencing her, and you might hurt her.”

Jasper glared at him, and then turned to face me. I smiled at him, suddenly shy, and Edward let out a huff of air.

“Are you alright, Alice?” he asked, offering me a smile that was more of a grimace as Jasper finally put me on the ground, and seemed to truly realise what had just transpired between us, jerking away from me abruptly with a look of shame flashing across his face.

“I…” he just stared at me in horror.

I looked up at him, and then over at Edward. “Thank you. I know that probably wasn’t much fun to have to hear,” and then thought at him, ‘Jas and I need to talk. That was unexpected and a little messed up and he hates himself right now. Doesn’t like to be human.’

The irritation left his face and he shook his head, turning to leave. “It’s a small price to pay to make sure you’re okay,” he said, closing the door behind us.

Jasper was pacing, and refusing to look me in the eye. I could see the tension in every line of his body.

“Are you okay?” I asked gently, padding over to him, wrapping my arms around his waist from behind, making him freeze on the spot, but he didn’t say anything. “You didn’t do anything wrong,” I continued. “I would have said somet…”

“No, you wouldn’t have,” Jasper said coldly. “I was influencing you. I wanted it, so I made you want it. I wanted your blood, and I wanted your body, and I was going to take it and make you think it you wanted it too.”

I huffed and pulled away to face him, entangling his fingers in mine. “I think you are being a drama queen,” I said sweetly, and he scowled at me, trying to pull away until I started to pout, and then he gave up. “You probably were projecting. But don’t think for a minute that you were forcing me or coercing me into something I don’t want, too. I have dedicated a lot of hours into picturing that scenario – ask Edward, he’s probably overheard more than he wanted to.  

“And you, amazingly enough, are a vampire. You want blood. I cut myself. It was enough to trigger bloodlust and regular lust. Besides, when was the last time you even had sex?”

Jasper glared at me.

“I assume it was before the invention of the wheel?” I smirked and that cracked his façade.

“Don’t sass me, darlin’,” he murmured, pulling his hands from mine, to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. I grinned, before I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around his waist.

“I’m sorry we can’t have sex,” I said to him with a soft sigh. “I’m sorry I’m stupid and human and breakable and I don’t want to be changed straight away. I wish I was like Bella and wanted to be changed as soon as possible, but I’m not. I just can’t.”

“Woah,” Jasper said, pulling me back, staring at me with surprise. “Alice, you don’t ever have to apologise for any of those things.  You deserve to have any life you want, and you shouldn’t ever feel that living your human life is wrong in any way.

“Darlin, you do not owe me or anyone else your humanity. You do not have to sacrifice your life to keep me or anyone else in this family with you. I should be apologising to you for not being able to give you a normal, human life. For being this… monster who cannot distinguish between bloodlust and physical lust…”

I shook my head as he trailed off. “I want so many things, and I think they’re impossible,” I whispered, and he reached out to trace my cheek.

“And I thought that after all the things I’d done and seen,” he said in a rough voice, “that all those things that I never admitted I wanted were impossible. And then a tiny girl in pink bounded up to me at a wedding, with the biggest blue eyes, and asked me my name. Now? I don’t think anything is really impossible.”

I smiled at him. “Don’t hate yourself,” I repeated. “I love you, and I know you, and I know that you would never force me to do anything I was uncomfortable with. Know that I’m pretty sure all those thoughts and feelings I’ve been inspiring in you, you inspire in me, too.”

Wonderland

It was quite strange to be in a house with more than a dozen vampires. It was the most uncomfortable I had ever been in the Cullen household – even though the Cullens had very carefully kept me to another section of the house. I hadn’t laid eyes on any of these ‘friends’ yet, but I was intensely aware of them. It was a very strange feeling.

Esme had, of course, fixed me an enormous dinner (for someone who hadn’t eaten in eighty years, Esme was a flawless cook. She claimed she practiced feeding the wolves) before Jasper marched me upstairs to go to bed.

“We don’t sleep. You do,” he said at my complaints.

“I’m fine,” I said, spinning around and out of his grasp. “I’d like to meet your friends.”

“And you will,” Jasper lunged suddenly, caught me around the waist and scooped me up like a bride. “Tomorrow morning, over breakfast. After at least eight hours sleep.”

“Ugh, that’s so boring,” I complained, enjoying the feeling of being cradled against him, and thanked whoever gave me the visions that I hadn’t worn tights today – this was one of the rare occasions I had managed to get Jasper to put his hands on me.

Bella saw Jasper carrying me up the stairs and snorted with laughter.

“It will give us a chance to tell everyone about you,” Jasper said quietly. “Prepare them.”

“I’m pretty sure they would have smelt the human girl as soon as they hit the property line,” I said.

“Your visions, Alice.”

“Fine,” I huffed and then frowned in confusion as we walked past Jasper’s study. “Where am I staying?” I had slept on the couch in Jasper’s study a few times, and had expected to do so again. Knowing the sole purpose of beds in this household, I actually preferred a couch or chair.

There was a small doorway at the other end of the hall, underneath the stairs.

“Esme and I agreed that you needed some place to sleep, properly,” Jasper said, setting me on my feet and motioning to the door.

I pushed open the door and stared. It was a small room, with a huge window overlooking the forest. A bed sat in the middle of the room, made up with pretty blue floral bedding. Pretty sketches and watercolours of dancers and flowers were dotted around the room. A blue chair was in one corner, with a small writing desk and a narrow wardrobe.

“You didn’t buy all this for me,” I stammered.

“No,” Jasper smiled. “Old pieces we weren’t using. “Esme wanted you to be comfortable when you’re with us.”

I shook my head, smiling. “She already cooks for me and takes me shopping. She didn’t need to do this.”

“She wanted to. I wanted to,” Jasper reached out and cupped my cheek. “I want you to feel at home.”

“You’re here. How else would it feel?” I said softly, feeling my cheeks warm.

Twenty minutes later (ten of them filled with scorching kisses that I wish, wish, wish had gone further), I was in my pyjamas, tucked into my new bed.

I did end up sleeping deeply - though, I suspect, not without some emotional encouragement.

[animebw]

Binge-Watching: Pokemon, Episodes 7-10

In which I consider how surprisingly well this show handles comedy, Ash broadens his perspective, and Team Rocket is still The Best(tm).

Giggity Goofery

It’s always a challenge when it comes time for me to analyze comedy on this blog. What does or doesn’t make us laugh is probably one of storytelling’s most subjective aspects, so I always tend to feel like I’m grasping at straws. But hey, if there’s anything I learned from 367 episodes of Gintama, it’s that good comedy gives you something it chew over while it’s making you bust your guts laughing. Pokemon is many different things at once- adventure, battle shonen, slice of life- but it’s a comedy first and foremost, and an incredibly childish, goody one at that. It’s got wacky characters, wackier expressions, patently absurd situations, and big, cuddly animals with highly expressive personalities that play off each other often wordlessly. That goofiness is at the forefront of its appeal, so if Pokemon wasn’t capable of making me laugh, this would be one slog of a show to get through. Thankfully, it is good at making me laugh. Almost kind of shockingly good, if I’m being honest; I was fully prepared to find myself cringing at bad voice acting and obnoxious characterization, but while there’s definitely some grating unpleasantness to the proceedings, the vast majority of Pokemon’s comedy manages to wring genuine giggles out of me. Even when Team Rocket’s not on screen! I know, I was shocked too.

So, what’s Pokemon’s secret weapon for good comedy? Oddly enough, for as goofy a show as it is, I think what really pulls it all together is that it’s also salty as fuck. It is well aware of how corny and ridiculous it is, and it doesn’t have any problems laughing at its own stupidity even as it indulges in said stupidity. Team Rocket’s obviously the star players on that front (”I think she’s even more conceited than we are!”), but even when they’re somewhere off screen picking themselves up from their latest blastoff, there’s a seriously entertaining irreverent streak running throughout the goings-on. I don’t know if this was original to the Japanese or if it’s a product of the dub, but either way, it’s seriously appreciated. Buffoonish tomfoolery from Ash and Misty is one thing, but Brock’s weary attempts at peace-making make it clear this show’s just as over their bickering as I am (”Oh yeah?” “Oh yeah!” “Oh brother.”) But even Brock’s capable of being the goofed-upon, as evidenced by Officer Jenny’s stone-cold drag of his advances (”Sorry, my shift ends past your bedtime.”), making him probably the most versatile character in the main cast. And all the central threesome are chock-full of the kinds of flamboyant jibs and jabs that Gintoki himself would be proud of. ”I’ll be on the sidelines, cheering you on and ready to drag your carcass away!” ”Ooh, she can violate my rights any day!” ”I go for quality, not quantity!” ”ALL THAT CRUNCHING IS RUINING MY ROMANTIC DAYDREAMS!” Not to mention Brock’s glorious French accent as he excitedly describes his crepe-making skills.

But what really cracks me up about this sardonic edge is that even the goddamn narrator is in on the joke. He’s constantly poking fun at Ash’s poor navigational skills in the same peppy radio announcer voice he uses to get us excited for Pokemon action: ”Since he doesn’t have a compass, Ash must rely purely on his instincts. And that means trouble!” ”Let’s hope he doesn’t take too any more shortcuts, or it’ll take a long time!” Hell, he even freaking leads into Ash commenting on his own lack of direction: ”On the path to...” “Where are we going?” It’s such a stupid little gag, but the mere fact that this show’s enjoying laughing at itself so much is a huge part of the reason it works so surprisingly well. It’s able to appeal to kids who just wanna see goofy stuff and to adults who enjoy mocking goofy stuff. And if you’re a stunted man-child like myself who enjoys both paths equally, well, that’s just gravy. Especially when even Brock ends up breaking the fourth wall: ”Come on, we’re already late, we gotta start the show!” Good lord, that caught me off guard. It’s a good sign that this show’s got a good sense of humor about itself, and that’s more than enough for me to enjoy its nonsense.

Different Strokes

Of course, Pokemon isn’t fun and games all the time, and while we haven’t stepped into any particularly dark territory yet, I’m becoming more and more impressed with how unexpectedly nuanced this show’s portrayal of living in a Pokemon world is. It would be so easy to fall into the trap of being all friendship all the time, with Ash’s incredible ability to befriend Pokemon on their level used as a cudgel to overrule all challenges he faces. But instead, these episodes give us a chance to meet a slew of different people from all different walks of life, all of whom engage with Pokemon in vastly different ways. AJ’s a discipline-minded coach who runs a tough training regimen to let his Pokemon achieve their ebst potential. There’s a snobbish Pokemon school that’s super upper crust and elitist (and has underground flashcard pop quizzes on outdoor treadmills by candlelight, because why not), but also gives its students a ton of valuable technical knowledge on the theoretical side of training Pokemon.  It would be so easy to demonize a lot of these people and cast them as thugs who don’t get Pokemon, arrogant and disrespectful in contrast to Ash’s almost druid-esque connection with the little critters. But instead, we’re allowed to see the benefits of these school of thinking as well as their drawbacks. AJ’s a strict teacher, but he genuinely cares for his Pokemon, and he inspires them to take on the intense challenges he asks of them. The school may be far too blinkered for its own good, but it’s clear the kids there are genuinely learning a lot, even if they could stand to ease up on the stress a little. They’re not perfect ways of doing things, and neither are right for Ash, but they’re not inherently wrong methods just because they’re not what our protagonist practices.

And that’s to say nothing of Misty, who it turns out is in much the same boat as Ash; she left her gym-running sisters behind to set out on her own because she wanted to become just as great a Pokemon trainer as them. This world is full of talented people of all stripes, and the more of them Ash comes across, the more easily he’s able to check his own ego, see the flaws and limitations in his own approach, and learn from experience to get a much fuller understanding of what kind of trainer he has the potential to be. That doesn’t mean everyone else is always right either; he could never treat his Pokemon as intensely as AJ, nor handle Misty’s intense internal pressure, nor be as rigid and inflexible as the tech school would want him to be. He’s got as much to teach the people along the way as they’ve got to teach him, after all (”There are some things you can’t learn in school, and that’s a good lesson!” It honestly is). But as long as he’s able to broaden his own perspective alongside them, he’ll be far more capable of figuring out for sure which path is the right one to take. Here’s wishing him luck, however astronomically long that journey will take him.

Changes From the Games

-Oh, so now Ground-types are immune to electricity. Cheater.

-Apparently the Pokemon video game exists within the show’s world as an arcade cabinet. Huh.

-Starmie’s deflatable limbs are wigging me out. I always assumed they were, like, hard shell or something.

Best of Team Rocket

-”It’s times like this I wish I could go straight!” Oh, James, honey, we both know that’s impossible.

-”I guess we’re all washed up!” “We’ll never come clean!”

-”At least he doesn’t look like he’s trick-or-treating like you do!”

-”Maybe we should go back to our old motto.” Are you seriously trying to figure out your entrance here WHY ARE YOU SO INCREDIBLE

-”How about, ‘Choreography Killed the Cat’?”

-*wheeze* WHY ARE YOU ROLLING IN A BALL THEY’RE SO DUMB I LOVE THEM

-”My leg fell asleep!” “I wish your mouth would.”

-”A real gentleman always carries the bag.” “Well, as you know, I’m no gentleman!”

-”That felt great, we don’t need a theme song!” “It’s a classic!”

-At Meowth chasing a ball at the mercy of his feline instincts: ”Stop pussyfooting around!”

-Meowth, upon breaking his teeth: ”Aaaah, the moment of tooth!”

-”At least you’re the top of the bottom.” “You’re the tops, Meowth!” I don’t know what hit me harder, the clearly-rehearsed recitation of their school day woes in rhyme, or Meowth’s private eye getup. Either way, good lord.

-”I love a splashy entrance!”

-”Don’t worry, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it!”

-”What do we do now?” “Get into windsurfing?”

Odds and Ends

-I just wanna say, I don’t remember Tentacruel growing as big as they do in the opening. That’s disconcerting.

-”Nice face, Misty!” askjdhaskjdhas little shit

-”I’ve never been to jail!” “That’s what they all say.” Jesus Christ, Jenny.

-”Know yourself, know your adversary, and you’ll have the key to victory!” Regular G.I. Joe here.

-”We pool our talents to make a big splash!” ...you know what, I don’t blame Misty for ditching them if they’re her sisters.

-I still can’t get over how human the Goldeen’s VA sounds. It’s like she’s trying to seduce me, ffs.

-DON’T YEET THE PIKACHU FFS ASH

-”Wait a second, water conducts electricity!” Eey, good on you for finally using your noggin!

-”My name may be Misty, but I’m gonna be perfectly clear about what I want!” Apparently, the pun-apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree.

-”You’re too young to drink this stuff, but trust me, it’s good.” Brock is the ultimate Team Mom.

-Okay, the timing of the gags this episode has been killer. The fog blowing away to reveal the school slew me.

-”You’d have to be pretty stupid to fall into one of those holes.” Listen, I saw the joke coming a mile away, but it still got me.

-”They never run out of ideas, do they?” Nope, and that’s why we love them.

-Bout time Ash got a Bulbasaur on his side. Now just for Charmander and Squirtle...

Ten down, a thousand more to go. See you next time!

[yukachaan]

Anime rec list!

I've decided to make another anime rec list (just because I felt like it lol). If you're interested, here's my last one, as I'm not going to rec the same shows/movies twice ☺️ (it's on my main)

This is just a personal list, so feel free to add to it or rec something different!

In no particular order-

Haikyuu!!

Ok. Look. I know everyone has already watched this lol, I'm sooo late to the game! But this is just... So... Good!! It made me so hyped haha. The matches! The characters! The energy! Just incredible. If you're like me and you've been holding off on watching this because you weren't sure if it would live up to all the hype, it definitely does!

Banana fish

Freaking. Incredible. Probably the best I've ever seen. Definitely top 5. I'll start by saying that the show is extremely (!!!) triggering. It's hard to watch, deals with really difficult topics, and generally will ruin your will to live (is it worth it? Probably lol). But also... So beautiful :') the relationship between the two mains is so touching and caring and sweet, it makes all the pain go away (I mean, that's a blunt lie lol, but it helps!). The animation is beautiful, the style, the music, everything! If you're willing to deal with the overwhelming heartbreak and pain, you should give it a go lol

Honey and clover

This, aside from "kids on the slope" maybe, is probably the most realistic slice of life anime I've ever seen. It's centered around a group of college art students (and as an art student myself, that was enough for me to start watching), their lives, their relationships, their art, their struggles to finish their education and find jobs. Everything was relatable and nuanced and realistic. Truly a work of art. Highly recommend!

Run with the wind

If you've been following this blog, you know how absolutely OBSESSED I am with this show! Haha. It's soooo goooood. Like, properly incredible. Right there beside haikyuu as the best sports anime ever! The story is great, but the biggest selling point of this anime is definitely the characters! Each and every one of them! They all develop throughout the story, they're all interesting and you genuinely end up rooting for them wholeheartedly! Trust me, there's no way you won't fall in love with this show!

Tsurune

Another sports anime! I know this one has been getting lots of negative reviews (partly because of how different it was from the original novel), but honestly? I really really liked it. Was it the best ever? Probably not. But it resonated with me personally, so it's on the list! The animation is beautiful, the characters are likable (well... Most of them lol), and the story, even if a little lacking, is quite interesting! I definitely enjoyed it very much 😊

Erased

Hands down, the best mystery anime I've ever seen! (To be fair, I haven't seen many lol, but still!). You will be on the edge of your seat the entire time! I've watched it in one night, just couldn't stop! The story is really interesting and keeps you guessing and stressing constantly. the characters are great and the animation is solid, it's just such a great watch! Highly recommend you give it a try! You won't be disappointed ☺️

Say "I love you"

Look, don't judge me, but I really do love me some romance! And this one is a really cute, solid high school romance anime ☺️ the characters are lovable, the story is cute, the drama is bearable lol, I love it!

My little monster

Ok, I'll be the first to admit, this is a really silly high school romance anime lol. It's not deep, it's not too complicated, it's definitely a fun watch though! The characters are generally cute and fun, there's a lot of focus on friendship which I like and... Yeah, that's about it lol. Just a fun little show if you're looking for something light to watch ☺️

Cardcaptor Sakura

A blast from the past! This is a classic in the magical girl genre, and the first anime I've ever watched! I've rewatched it last year because of the new season (which I have to admit, was not as strong as the old ones) and I really really enjoyed it! It has adorable kids romance (which is mostly super funny to me), magic, friendship, and one of the best canon queer couples ever! (Yes, I'm taking about yukito and touya, so precious and lovely 😭). It's really nostalgic to me, but I believe that even if you never watched it before, you'll enjoy it! ☺️

And... that's it for now! Make sure to check out my last list, as most of my all time favorites are on there ☺️