#it's not specifically stated but heavily implied
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It was silent. Silence was never a good thing. Tara learned that lesson years ago.
Silence was the short calm before the storm, before the hurricane would mix with the tornado would mix with the earthquake. Footsteps would thunder downstairs, and the liquor cabinets would crack as they slammed shut.
These were delicate moments where she had to treat them with care. All she had to do was bite her tongue, listen for the loud noises downstairs to stop, and breathe a sigh of relief.
Things never went her way, usually.
It took one error - a tiny mistake that any normal person would miss - for shit to hit the fan. It was always her own fault she could never shut herself up.
The storm raced up the stairs with threatening stomps and would slam her door open. The wind would howl at her. The hand that clutched the neck of the bottle would jerk towards her and spill alcohol onto her freshly made bed. The storm had no mercy on Tara when it crashed into her room.
Tara was always caught in the storm. It was ongoing, never stopping even when it wasn't home. Tara was isolated in the eye while the whipping wind threatened to beat her.
She never liked storms. They scared her. Now she couldn't bear to hear a forecast about the upcoming weather.
She knew all she needed to know about weather. Outside was always gray. It was always raining. The storm had rain.
Ice cold rain was for when Tara was bad. It was a shock across her nervous system. The rain pelted like bullets to her back. The wind spat curses at her while she laid in a heap on the floor to protect herself. Cold rain brought cold wind which threw rocks shaped like fists into her body. If only the rain chilled the blooming red under her clothes.
Lukewarm rain was when Tara was left alone. She would be in her room, palm over her mouth, rocking back and forth, as she waited for the storm to die down. She forced herself to bite the inside of her cheeks bloody when the stomps neared her door only to pass and continue to the room down the hall.
Scalding rain was the storm's way of embracing her, soothing her by assuring her it wouldn't happen again. She should know by now that the hot rain was a front, but Tara couldn't help but lean into the heat as she waited for her body to accept the warmth.
She was never warm in the end.
Silence was trouble. Silence was a pair of hands around her neck, deciding whether or not to tighten and watch her struggle for mercy.
She couldn't lock her door to keep the storm out; the storm ripped the knob from her door and kept it in a box under its bed. Tara hadn't gotten anything back from that box in years.
There was no way she could be safe. Taking shelter somewhere else wasn't an option no matter how loudly Amber argued with her.
Tara would much rather deal with the storm than Amber's silence. At least then she knew how to disappear and beg for forgiveness.
Amber's silence was... unsettling. Tara had known the girl for all her life, but sometimes it felt like she knew nothing about her at all.
Amber puzzled her most times. The things she says don't match up to what Tara knows, but Amber was quick to turn the tables. She fired shot after shot, cracking Tara's confidence into smaller pieces. Then she would scoop her up and gently chastise her for not believing Amber.
"We all go through things, Tara, you're not special. Why should I believe a word you say when you barely make enough sense on a good day?"
Amber's love was too different from the storm's love. Where the storm eventually apologized, bathing her with rain that blistered and bruised her skin, Amber gave her love constantly. It felt good, but it was too much all the time. Amber never took no for an answer.
She loved it. She did. She knew what love was. She knew what Amber's love did.
Amber's love was physical. Her love was insistent hugging and kissing that had Tara clamming up in unnecessary discomfort. Her love was a gun she consistently fired into Tara's head. Her love was holding her hand as they walked out of the hospital together. Her love was promising to never love her so hard that Tara had to go to the hospital in the first place, but she deserved it. Tara had to deserve it, right?
The storm's love was usually emotional. Sometimes physical. It was calmer than the explosion from Amber.
Calmness was all Tara ever wanted. She wanted her... She didn't want the silence anymore.
Silence was never a good thing.
#tara carpenter#christina carpenter#amber freeman#fuck christina carpenter#allusion to abuse#it's not specifically stated but heavily implied#tw abuse#my writing#scream#scream 2022#scream vi
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"Hope" is the thing with feathers...
+some of my favourite frames, this whole thing in itself took me like. 2 and a half days? i was on a non-stop grind though
#ghosts art#SAYER podcast#SAYER#jacob hale#sven gorsen#SAYER ai#id tag OCEAN but really its just vidarr-1 (the blue circular halo does represent OCEAN itself tho) . FUTURE also talks for one frame#CAN I JUST SAY HOW PROUD I AM OF THIS. JUST FOR ONE SMALL SECOND.#REST IN PEACE MY WRIST + FINGER JOINTS. I HAD SOMETHING BETTER TO DO#and also RIP the things i was supposed to study for . uhm.#sayerhale#<-heavily heavily implied#fun trivia for you: i got the idea for this in my sleep. or like in a half-asleep state. specifically for the last 2 frames
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thinking about fallout 4 against my will
#random thoughts#fallout#unfortunately nora compels me#the fact the 'hi honey!' tape specifically mentions her 'shaking the dust off' her law degree is interesting#like she gave up her job to stay at home with her husband and kid. why?#like that's a whole year. at LEAST.#love the idea of nate pressuring her into it <3 maternity leave turns into 'isnt it so nice being with sean around the clock?'#'too bad you won't have this quality time when you return to work'#turns into 'you can always return to work if you feel like it but we DO have a lot saved up . . .'#and it's like. okay so fallout 4 would be so much better if it were set in the 1960s. literally no reason it shouldnt be#yknow beyond complying with lore which. it isnt that faithful to in the first place#i just think it's weird the game is like 'here's the FUTURE' and then it's like 'here's the FUTURE FUTURE'#anyway make it the 1960s. give me time-appropriate fucked up family dynamics#and nora's a laywer and a feminist who promised herself she'd never compromise her career for a man#and nate seemed so NICE and like he understood until uh oh. frog in a slow cooker#and he makes everything seem like it's her idea until she's barefoot in the kitchen with a screaming baby on her hip and burnt food in a pan#and she doesn't even realize she's trapped until it's too late. isolated from friends and family#idk ill do more research later to make it more time-accurate (ESPECIALLY interested in second-wave feminism)#anyway i think she cheats. with a door-to-door salesman selling places in the bomb shelters#(honestly probably the only adult social interaction she's had in weeks beyond her husband)#i like to think at some point she had a bit of a car accident due to the stress so nate took her keys#probably just a minor fender bender he blew out of proportion but she believes it because oh god what if she hurt sean#her feelings toward sean are complicated. i dont think she quite loves him which she feels guilty about so she overcompensates#with trying to keep him as safe as possible and she feels like he KNOWS and HATES her#(honestly when the bombs drop everything happens so quickly and when she's in the future and registers sean's gone she feels. so relieved)#(followed by heavy shame)#nate sabotaged her birth control btw. love evil 1960s patriarchs#never outright stated but heavily implied!#anyway nora in the future (while she felt very progressive for her time) feels very out of place#like her ideals have no place. like she has no place
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almost a year after the TBI and i only just found out today that apparently i had free access to physio, VRT, counselling, occupational therapists, vision therapy, etc for free but my adjuster just conveniently left all of that out when i was telling her about how much i was struggling with my day to day life 🙃
anyway my new occupational therapist is horrified that im working full time and is greatly pushing for three months off (fully paid by ICBC) so i can fully focus on getting my cognitive skills back to where they once were
#my doctor heavily implied that i was faking my concussion#even though he had the full motor vehicle accident report in his hands#the one that specifically stated i fully lost consciousness and suffered amnesia#that right there is the definition of a severe brain injury#im just feeling a bit let down#i really tried to advocate for myself#but i needed help#anyway#glad i can get it now at least#sulley speaks
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tana watch a sitcom without coming up with some weird niche polyship challenge (99% fail rate.)
#Currently watching Modern Family#And I just watched the s5 finale for the first time and I was like “ok what if Haley Andy and Dylan but like an ot3”#They’re clearly setting up for Andy to stop with whatever on and off again mess he’s in and get with haley#And Dylan and Andy have yet to meet as far as I remember#But still#other examples include; Jim Pam and Karen from the office (us.) Chris Leslie Ben and Ann from Parks and Rec#But specifically in like a situation where Leslie and Chris are both with Ann and Ben but Leslie and Chris and Ann and Ben are just friends#With shared partners#And uh I guess I like the idea of Eleanor Chidi and Tahani from the good place in a v relationship with Eleanor as the hinge#It is heavily implied and iirc at times just stated that Eleanor is into Tahani and obviously her and Chidi are canonically together#So this one actually has canon backing :3#poly ship#shipping#ot3#ot4#poly ships
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"Oh my god. Lay off, okay?" ( for dream ❤️ )
"You're putting yourself in danger. Again."
Strange--perhaps she could have sworn he'd been on the far side of the room just a second ago, but when she turns towards the doorway, Morpheus is there. Standing, looming, like he's been there all along. His eyes are strange in a way that defies description. If she isn't focusing directly on him it kind of looks like he's only partly there, like some half-remembered thing from a slew of late-night thoughts...
Morpheus steps forwards. Close. Closer.
"I am asking you," he grits out, like the act of asking anything is physically painful, "To exercise caution, for once. You have no idea how close you are to Delirium tonight - how easily you might be led into its clutches."
Did she hear him capitalize a noun?
"Stay home. Find another way to entertain yourself tonight."
Morpheus' eyelashes brush its cheekbones, dark and glittering with stars--no, tears, probably. He's always kind of wet-eyed, isn't he? His hand brushes hers, but doesn't take hold. Gone is the anger; a different kind of darkness in his voice, now.
"I would stay with you. I would occupy your thoughts so completely that there would be no room for anything else." A bargain; a plea. "Stay home."
#ic.#pohlepen#ic: dream#[ do not fucking ask me what this is. ]#drugs tw#[ implied anyway. it's heavily implied that she's intending to go for uhhh A really Fucked Up menty bee ]#[ i meant to type menty breakdown but. ]#[ also there's a venn diagram with the two of them and using sexuality/seduction to give people what they think they need or want. hmm. ]#[ (the spoiler here is that he does not actually need to touch her to occupy her thoughts. he's king of the dreaming.)#(he can ensure she isn't dreaming-longing-fantasizing about going out and getting herself hurt). ]#drug abuse tw#self harm tw#[ kind of ? ]#[ also i wanted it to be clear that he's not judging or bothered by her using drugs ]#[ like. at all. ]#[ he's worried SPECIFICALLY about her mental state ]#[ in this house we don't assign the Endless human conceptions of right/wrong behaviour ]
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Thinking about marriage/women's rights on Vulcan Some may think that T'Pring not being allowed to divorce Spock was because he was going through the pon farr but if she were allowed to divorce him at all she probably would have done that a long time ago, confirmed by T'Pol when she's speaking with Koss, who isn't suffering from the pon farr. She says that he can choose another mate (without invoking a fight it seems: note the difference between a 'mate' and a 'challenger') and after he makes it clear that nothing she says will change his mind about marrying her, she finally threatens to declare a kal-if-fee. It's clear that Vulcan women cannot divorce/refuse to marry a man they've been betrothed to under any circumstances if A) He himself doesn't consent to ending their marriage or B) She doesn't have someone else waiting in the wings to be given to in his stead. Though, if the challenger she selects fails to win the fight, she'll have to marry her betrothed anyway unless (again) he decides he doesn't want her after the challenge. That seems like an incredibly unfair system, heavily biased towards men. SNW is an alternate universe in many obvious respects but most egregiously in that T'Pring has a lot of non-canonical agency over her relationship with Spock. It's interesting to me that Vulcan society has women in many positions of power and treats women as equal to men from what I've seen despite these laws. We don't really see Vulcans exhibiting a misogynistic attitude towards women in general but in TOS (perhaps because of its general writing style but it's still interesting to note) both Sarek and Spock take on patriarchal attitudes specifically regarding wives. Amanda says that 'of course' Sarek commands her because "he is a Vulcan and I am his wife." It's worthwhile in my eyes to note that she specifies 'wife' instead of attributing this attitude to women as a whole. Again, with TOS' writing style it wouldn't be out of place for her to say "he is a man and I am a woman." Spock, while in a pon farr induced irritation, states that it's "undignified for a woman to play servant to a man that isn't hers" - again implying that there's something specific about being a Wife in Vulcan society which is different from being a woman in general and demands subservience to a husband. This could perhaps stem from the extreme sense of ownership that Vulcan law has permitted men to have over women. A woman legally cannot point blank refuse marriage. There is no option which guarantees she won't have to marry her betrothed other than death. When T'Pau speaks of T'Pring she refers to her as being 'property' and Stonn, before being interrupted, states he's made 'the ancient claim' - we don't know what this is because he gets cut off but it's obvious they're both using the language of Vulcan law. Men are permitted true freedom to choose. If a woman wants to choose someone else to be with there is no option available to her other than the kal-if-fee which might result in the death of the one she wants to be with. And, if her lover fails, her husband can still just decide he wants to marry her and she'll be forced to. T'Pring gives two scenarios: One where Spock 'frees' her and one where he doesn't - it's still ultimately his decision which is clear when he ends the conversation with "Stonn, she is yours." This again isn't just because of the pon farr as T'Pol also goes through this. Koss can choose another mate and when the option is talked about there's no implication that this would result in any sort of fight (both by the casualness of its mention and by the fact that there's no formal word for it unlike the kal-if-fee.) Also, the fact that Koss does eventually grant T'Pol a divorce and it's all fine means that T'Pol isn't lawfully required to have another man waiting if her HUSBAND doesn't want her. It's ONLY required if SHE doesn't want her husband. Tradition must take precedence over individual desire UNLESS!!! You're a man. Then it's fine. Like, your parents might not be happy but legally you're golden.
#as a note do NOT read the comments on any T'Pol marriage clips on youtube they're full of 'haha women amiright' jokes about#how she's leading Trip on and being a bitch for not choosing him etc - if you become interested in female characters you learn#quickly just how much people still hate women displaying any amount of complexity/doing anything that isn't just falling into a man's arms#even if that hatred doesn't take the form of outright vitriol (aka: 'I feel so sad for Trip bc T'Pol's marrying some other guy')#Trip: T'Pol listen this arranged marriage stuff is no good - you've gotta be free! You have to do what YOU want to do!#T'Pol: -legally seen as property of her husband in the eyes of the law- ...............#<- not dunking on Trip it's just funny how easy it makes it seem - but!! He doesn't know all the facts#as evidenced by him saying T'Pol might 'call off the wedding' to her mother - T'Pol can't legally call off shit#It's also interesting how gender isn't really mentioned in any of the clips I've seen - it's very clear to me that T'Pol has no options#specifically because she's a WOMAN within her culture but that's almost like a quiet undercurrent and not focused on as a main#point of dissatisfaction - which I imagine it 1000% would be for Vulcan women when men have infinitely more freedom#Vulcan Man: I don't wanna marry this lady#Vulcan Law: Ok#Vulcan Woman: I don't wanna marry this guy#Vulcan Law: Noted. So - if you and your lover are willing to risk his life there's a chance (if he wins) that you can get out of marrying#him BUT if your husband kills your lover and still wants to marry you you DOOO have to marry him sorry you just gotta#<- this also makes it incredibly dangerous to in any way warn your legal husband that a kal-if-fee might be incoming#the element of surprise is a HUGE advantage when it comes to winning a fight to the death (which your lover can train for)#Vulcans#T'Pol#T'Pring#star trek#I don't think this is bad necessarily (as a fictional worldbuilding thing) but I wish it were explored more#It's especially interesting because it's an aspect of logical Vulcan society - it's clearly not logical but it's also clearly rooted deeply#in tradition which may mean Vulcan long ago used to have a much more extreme gender bias towards the male population#it just implies a lot that Vulcan has these old laws which are unfair towards women yet they still follow BUT women are treated as equal#citizens OUTSIDE of marriage! Maybe there was a feminist movement before? Is there another brewing? Where are the Vulcan feminists!
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And oh, how I'd love to go Paris again
pairing : jake x f!reader ୨ৎ content / warning(s) : non-idol au, love at first sight, fluff, strangers to friends to lovers(not stated but heavily implied), tension, they're in love your honor, fate reference/mention, can be read as either hs or uni au its up to you ୨ৎ word count : 5.9k
synopsis. you're overwhelmed with your school finals close by, while you are taking a short break from your studying, you couldn't help but reminisce about your precious memories in the city of love when a song that reminds you of your time in paris play. ୨ৎ lev notes : the class trip may not be 100% accurate but its for the plot okay... i had to make it inspired by the 1975 cause i love them too much not to do so + it fits with how i literally have them as my top artist this year :3 (i started writing this days earlier before spotify wrapped lol) also i literally had paris on loop for like 7 hours in total while writing this... anyways hope y'all like this cause it took a lot of brain power to write it, trust i will post what the heart wants as soon as i finish a surprise fic im working on rn ꒰⠀for @sugarikiz event 'ʏᴏᴜʀ ℰ𝓎ℯ𝓈 ᴏɴʟʏ ☁︎.𖥔 ' ꒱
you're at your school's library, cramming for your upcoming finals. with a little over a week to prepare for months' worth of lessons across multiple subjects, the pressure is taking quite a toll on you. two cups of coffee sit beside your laptop, one already empty. even though you've been studying for less than 40 minutes, you already feel the urge to down all the caffeine left in front of you just to keep from dozing off again.
sigh, 'just gotta finish this whole powerpoint. then, i can finally relax for a bit' you silently hype yourself out. with the reward of a break for an hour of studying, you quickly go through the entire lesson in a flash.
grabbing the not empty cup of coffee, you take a much needed sip to keep yourself awake for more hours of studying.
a while later, you're stretching in your seat after having finished with that specific powerpoint. 'finally i can take a break' you think to yourself
as you sit, and stare at your laptop's screen. contimplating on what to do to pass time, you decide to play music to relax yourself.
clicking the shuffle button on your playlist. you put your headphones on and rest your head on your arms, as the familiar tune of paris by the 1975 play.
the music pulls you into a memory, that unforgettable class trip to paris.
꒰ and oh, how i'd love to go paris again ꒱
you’re on the bus, the city outside the window slowly coming to life. everyone in your class is chatting excitedly, pointing out landmarks and planning what to do when you finally get off. the eiffel tower is getting closer, its towering frame making your heart race with excitement.
“can you believe we’re actually here?” keeho says, leaning over to nudge your shoulder. his energy is infectious, and you can’t help but smile.
hyunjin, sitting across the aisle, snaps a quick photo through the window. “this already feels unreal,” he says, grinning. “i’m going to fill my camera roll today.”
the bus comes to a stop, and your teacher announces a short break to explore the area. the three of you quickly stick together as everyone spills out onto the cobblestone street. paris feels alive—the air smells like fresh bread and coffee, and the chatter of locals blends with the hum of passing cars.
“we need food. let’s find a café!” keeho declares, already marching toward a row of cozy-looking places with outdoor seating.
you follow, laughing as hyunjin drags you by the wrist to keep up. he’s scanning every building, taking quick snapshots of anything that catches his eye. “wait, stand here,” he says suddenly, pulling out his phone to snap a candid photo of you and keeho in front of a flower shop.
“are you going to take pictures the whole trip?” you tease.
“obviously,” hyunjin replies, unbothered. “someone has to document how good we look in paris.”
eventually, the three of you settle at a small café. the waiter brings over menus, and you all take a moment to soak it all in. keeho orders a slice of cake, hyunjin gets a croissant and coffee, and you decide on a simple baguette sandwich.
“okay, this is officially the best food i’ve ever had,” keeho says after his first bite.
“it’s just cake,” hyunjin says, rolling his eyes but stealing a forkful anyway.
you laugh as they bicker, feeling a warmth settle in your chest. sitting there with your best friends, surrounded by the magic of paris, everything feels perfect.
after finishing your meals, you and your friends head back to the bus to regroup with your class. the energy is buzzing as everyone talks about their plans for the rest of the day. your teacher announces that the next stop is a famous museum nearby.
the museum is grand, with high ceilings and beautiful architecture that makes you feel small in the best way. inside, it’s quieter, with your classmates dispersing into smaller groups.
hyunjin immediately pulls out his camera again. “this lighting is perfect,” he mutters, snapping a photo of a sculpture in the corner.
keeho rolls his eyes with a smirk. “he’s gonna be like this the whole time.”
“he’s consistent, at least,” you joke, earning a laugh from keeho as the two of you start wandering through the exhibits together.
the artwork is stunning—paintings that feel alive, sculptures that seem to breathe. you and keeho take your time strolling through the halls, sharing your thoughts on each piece.
“i don’t get this one,” keeho says, staring at an abstract painting.
“it’s open to interpretation,” you reply.
“so… the artist spilled paint everywhere?”
you nudge his arm. “be serious!”
keeho grins but then glances around. “hey, i’m gonna find the bathroom real quick. don’t get lost.”
“sure, sure,” you say, waving him off.
as he walks away, you wander aimlessly, letting your feet carry you through the museum’s winding halls. you stop to admire a large painting of a serene countryside when, out of nowhere, you bump into someone.
“oh, i’m so sorry!” you blurt out, taking a step back.
the stranger turns to you, and your words catch in your throat. he’s tall, with warm eyes and a gentle smile. his presence feels calm, yet somehow magnetic.
“no worries,” he says, his voice warm and calm, with a hint of an australian accent you catch right away. “are you okay?”
you nod quickly, feeling your cheeks heat up. “y-yeah, i wasn’t looking where i was going.”
he chuckles lightly, brushing it off. “happens to the best of us.”
he pauses for a moment, as if waiting to see if you’ll say anything else. you manage a small smile. “thanks for being so nice about it. i’m—uh…” before you can finish, keeho’s voice rings out from somewhere nearby.
“hey, y/n! where’d you go?”
the spell is broken, and you glance over your shoulder to see keeho waving at you. turning back to the stranger, you offer an apologetic smile. “that’s my friend. i should go.”
“of course,” he says, still smiling. “take care.”
you hurry off toward keeho, your heart still racing. as you rejoin your friends, you glance back briefly to see the stranger walking away. something about the moment lingers, a small spark you can’t quite explain.
after regrouping with keeho and hyunjin, the three of you continue exploring the museum. hyunjin has finally tucked his camera away, much to keeho’s relief.
“didn’t think i’d ever see the day you’d stop taking pictures,” keeho teases.
“i’m just saving space for later,” hyunjin retorts, grinning. “besides, i want to actually enjoy this.”
the three of you move through the museum, pausing at different exhibits. keeho offers more of his hilarious “critiques,” while hyunjin points out details you might’ve missed. for a while, it feels like time doesn’t exist, just the three of you soaking in the beauty of parisian art.
after some time, you excuse yourself to find the restroom. as you leave, keeho calls after you, “don’t get lost again!”
“i won’t!” you call back with a laugh, shaking your head.
once you step out of the restroom, you turn a corner and nearly bump into someone again.
“oh—sorry!” you start, looking up. and there he is.
the boy from earlier.
“you again,” he says with a warm smile, his eyes lighting up with recognition.
“yeah, me again,” you reply, feeling your face heat up.
“i guess we’re just destined to keep running into each other,” he jokes, his tone light and teasing.
you laugh softly. “seems like it. i never got your name earlier.”
“jake,” he says, extending his hand. “and you?”
“y/n,” you say, shaking his hand. his grip is gentle but firm, and you feel your heart skip a beat.
“nice to officially meet you, y/n,” jake says, his smile widening.
the two of you start chatting, the conversation flowing easily. he tells you he’s here with his own group, visiting from another school all the way from australia, and you share a little about your own trip. his voice is calm and steady, and his subtle humor keeps making you giggle.
at one point, he gestures toward a nearby painting. “what do you think of this one? please don’t say the artist spilled paint everywhere.”
you burst into laughter, shaking your head. “no, no, that’s keeho’s specialty. i actually think it’s kind of beautiful, in a chaotic way.”
“good answer,” jake says, grinning.
before you know it, the sound of footsteps and familiar voices echo down the hall. “y/n! where are you?” keeho calls, his voice unmistakable.
you glance in the direction of the sound, then back at jake, your smile faltering slightly. “that’s my friends. i should go.”
jake nods, his expression soft. “of course. it was nice talking to you, y/n.”
“you too, jake,” you say, stepping away reluctantly. as you walk toward your friends, you can’t help but glance back once. jake is still standing there, giving you a small wave.
you rejoin keeho and hyunjin, who immediately start teasing you for taking so long. but as the three of you continue exploring the museum, you can’t stop thinking about jake. and though you don’t say it out loud, you quietly hope that fate will bring you together again.
it’s been a day since the museum, but your thoughts keep circling back to jake. his kind smile, the way he made you laugh, and that unmistakable australian accent—it’s all stuck in your head.
after dinner with your classmates at the hotel, the buzz of chatter feels overwhelming. you decide to step outside for some fresh air, hoping a quiet walk will help clear your mind.
the streets of paris are calmer at this hour, bathed in a soft, golden glow from the streetlights. a small park just down the road catches your eye, and you wander toward it, settling onto a bench beneath a tree.
you sit there for a while, letting your thoughts drift. the cool breeze carries the faint scent of flowers, and the distant hum of city life feels oddly soothing.
suddenly, you feel someone sit down beside you. you glance over, and your heart skips a beat.
it’s him.
jake.
the boy you couldn’t stop thinking about.
he notices your surprise and gives you that same warm smile. “hey,” he says casually. “fancy seeing you here.”
you blink, struggling to process the coincidence. “jake? what are you doing here?”
“could ask you the same thing,” he says with a light chuckle, leaning back against the bench. “i was out for a walk, saw this park, and thought i’d sit for a bit. didn’t expect to run into you again.”
you laugh softly, shaking your head. “paris must be smaller than we think.”
“or fate has a funny way of working,” he says, his tone teasing but his eyes sincere.
the conversation flows naturally from there. he asks about your class trip, and you tell him about your visit to the museum and all the places your group plans to see next. he shares stories about his own class, laughing about his friends’ antics and the moments that make the trip memorable.
“you’re telling me someone actually fell asleep in front of the mona lisa?” you ask, barely holding back laughter.
“yup. full-on snoring,” jake replies, grinning. “the security guard didn’t know whether to wake him or leave him there.”
the two of you laugh together, the sound blending into the quiet of the park.
after a while, jake stands up. “wait here,” he says, his tone playful but mysterious.
“where are you going?” you ask, watching him walk toward a nearby food stand.
“you’ll see,” he calls back over his shoulder.
a few minutes later, he returns, holding two neatly wrapped chocolate crepes. he hands one to you with a grin. “figured this would make the moment even better.”
you take it, smiling at his thoughtfulness. “thanks, jake. this is perfect.”
as you both sit there, enjoying the crepes and chatting under the parisian sky, you can’t help but feel like this moment is something straight out of a dream.
the days in paris pass like a blur, filled with sightseeing, laughter, and the magic of simply being in the city. but the most unexpected highlight of your trip that osn’t on the schedule—is jake.
you can’t quite explain it, but somehow, you keep running into him. these little moments have become the thing you secretly look forward to the most.
────୨ৎ────
you’re standing at the counter of a small café, debating between ordering a croissant or a pain au chocolat. the decision feels monumental, and you’re entirely lost in thought when a voice interrupts you.
“go for the pain au chocolat,” jake says, appearing beside you with an easy smile.
you blink, startled at first, before breaking into a grin. “jake? what are you doing here?”
“getting breakfast,” he says, holding up a cup of coffee and a bag. “didn’t think i’d see you again so soon.”
“neither did i,” you reply, chuckling. “are you always this lucky, or is paris just this small?”
“maybe both,” he teases. “need help deciding?”
“i was leaning toward the croissant, but now i feel like i have to trust your judgment.”
“always trust the chocolate,” he says, nodding sagely.
you laugh and order the pain au chocolat. as you wait, the two of you chat, his humor making the simple café feel like the best spot in paris.
────୨ৎ────
a couple of days later, you’re wandering through a mall with keeho and hyunjin, trying to find souvenirs to take back home. keeho is busy debating between two scarves for his mom, and hyunjin is glued to his phone, looking up recommendations.
you drift toward a small kiosk filled with handmade trinkets, running your fingers over delicate keychains.
“don’t tell me you’re buying one of those cheesy eiffel tower keychains,” a familiar voice says behind you.
you spin around, your heart skipping a beat. “jake!”
he’s holding a bag of his own, filled with souvenirs. “fancy meeting you here.”
“again,” you add with a laugh.
keeho spots jake and gives you a knowing look, while hyunjin just raises an eyebrow before wandering off. you try to ignore them and focus on jake instead.
“what’s in the bag?” you ask, nodding toward his purchases.
“just some stuff for my family,” he says. “and maybe a keychain or two.”
you laugh. “i thought you were against cheesy keychains.”
“only when other people buy them,” he says, his grin mischievous.
────୨ৎ────
the park has become your little escape, a quiet place to think and reflect. you’re sitting on the same bench as before, lost in thought, when you hear footsteps approach.
“do you have a permanent spot here, or are you waiting for me?” jake’s voice breaks through your daydream.
you turn, smiling as he sits down beside you. “maybe both.”
“lucky me, then,” he says, leaning back and looking up at the sky. “so, what’s on your mind today?”
you hesitate for a moment, then decide to be honest. “just… thinking about how much i’ve enjoyed this trip. and how strange it’ll feel to leave.”
jake nods, his expression softening. “yeah, i get that. it’s been a lot, hasn’t it?”
“yeah,” you say quietly, and for a moment, the two of you sit in comfortable silence.
that evening. your teacher gathers the entire class in the lobby of the hotel to deliver the news.
“you’ve got two days left to enjoy paris before we head back home,” she says. “make sure you start packing your things and grab any last-minute souvenirs.”
the room fills with murmurs of excitement and relief. most of your classmates are thrilled to return to canada, and part of you is, too. but as you head back to your room, a bittersweet feeling settles in your chest.
two more days. that’s all the time you have left before you have to say goodbye to jake.
you don’t know why the thought stings so much, but it does. and now, more than ever, you hope for one more chance to see him.
────୨ৎ────
the second-to-last day in paris feels like a blur of excitement and nostalgia. you, keeho, and hyunjin make it a mission to visit as many places as possible, squeezing every last drop out of your remaining time in the city.
as the three of you step into the vintage store, you're greeted by the faint smell of aged leather and a mix of retro music playing softly in the background. the shop is packed with everything from old records to racks of vintage clothes and shelves lined with random knick-knacks.
“okay,” keeho announces, clapping his hands together. “this is the place to find hidden gems.”
hyunjin raises an eyebrow. “hidden gems or overpriced junk?”
“you just don’t have the vision,” keeho shoots back, already digging through a rack of jackets.
you wander toward a glass display case near the counter, something catching your eye—a vintage digicam. it’s small, sleek, and looks like it’s been well cared for. you kneel to get a closer look, curiosity piqued.
“hey, what’d you find?” keeho asks, appearing beside you with a leopard-print scarf draped around his neck.
you point to the camera. “a digicam. looks pretty cool, doesn’t it?”
keeho leans in, inspecting it. “very cool. are you gonna get it?”
you hesitate. “i don’t know… do you think it still works?”
“only one way to find out,” hyunjin says, suddenly appearing on your other side. he gestures to the shop owner, a kind-looking older man, who unlocks the case and hands you the camera.
you examine it closely, turning it over in your hands. the lens looks clean, and the buttons feel intact.
“how much?” you ask the shop owner.
“twenty euros,” he replies with a smile.
keeho gasps dramatically. “a steal! you have to get it.”
“yeah, before someone else does,” hyunjin agrees, casually flipping through a rack of shirts.
you laugh at their enthusiasm and decide to go for it. “alright, fine. i’m buying it.”
as you hand over the cash, keeho strikes another pose with the scarf. “what do you think? parisian chic, or should i stick to my usual?”
“stick to your usual,” hyunjin says without looking up.
keeho sighs, draping the scarf back onto the rack. “you two have no appreciation for drama.”
you test out the digicam, snapping a quick photo of keeho mid-pout. the image pops up on the tiny screen, surprisingly crisp for something so old.
“perfect,” you say, showing him the photo.
keeho grins. “okay, maybe you do have an eye for the dramatic.”
hyunjin wanders over with an oversized sweater, holding it up against himself. “thoughts?”
keeho wrinkles his nose. “are you auditioning for a grandpa role?”
“i like it,” you say, defending hyunjin’s choice.
“thank you,” hyunjin replies, smugly tossing the sweater over his arm.
the three of you spend a bit longer in the shop, goofing around and trying on random hats, sunglasses, and jackets. you snap more photos with your new camera—keeho wearing an old captain’s hat, hyunjin attempting to look cool in aviator sunglasses, and a candid shot of the two of them laughing together.
by the time you leave, the bag with your new camera swings lightly at your side, and your heart feels full. the memory of this moment—just you and your friends being unapologetically yourselves—already feels like a keepsake all its own.
at a small crêperie, hyunjin’s crêpe is covered in whipped cream and chocolate drizzle.
“how are you even holding that without it falling apart?” you ask, staring at the overloaded treat in wonder.
hyunjin shrugs. “skill,” he says simply before taking an enormous bite.
keeho watches in horror. “that’s going to end up all over your shirt, and i am not letting you borrow mine.”
“you sound like my mom,” hyunjin says through a mouthful of crêpe.
by the seine river, you take turns with the digicam, capturing moments that feel like they belong in a movie. keeho makes exaggerated poses on the bridge, while hyunjin tries (and fails) to look mysterious.
when it’s your turn to hold the camera, you take a candid shot of the two of them mid-laugh. it’s perfect—pure and genuine, a reminder of how much these moments mean to you.
“alright, photographer extraordinaire,” keeho says, pointing dramatically at the eiffel tower in the distance. “get my good side.”
“you don’t have one,” hyunjin jokes, earning a glare from keeho.
as the day winds down, you find yourself lingering outside the hotel while keeho and hyunjin head inside.
“we’ll be in the lobby if you need us,” keeho calls over his shoulder, giving you a knowing look.
once they’re gone, you make your way to the park. the same bench, the same tree, and this time, jake is already there, waiting.
he stands when he sees you, his smile soft but bright. “hey.”
“hey,” you reply, walking up to him. “beat me here this time, huh?”
“had a feeling you’d come,” he says, shrugging.
you sit down beside him, the quiet of the park wrapping around you like a blanket.
“you’ve been busy,” jake comments. “i saw you earlier near the seine with your friends. looked like fun.”
“it was,” you say, smiling at the memory. “trying to cram everything into one day, you know? time feels so short now.”
jake’s expression shifts, just slightly, and you know he understands what you mean.
“speaking of time…” you begin, hesitating. “we’re leaving tomorrow. my class is flying back home.”
jake nods slowly, his gaze dropping to his hands. “i figured it was coming. my group leaves the day after.”
there’s a pause, the kind that feels heavy but not uncomfortable.
“do you think we’ll meet again?” you ask softly, not daring to look at him.
“i hope we do,” he replies, his voice quiet but firm.
the weight of his words lingers between you, saying everything that neither of you can.
you pull out your digicam, breaking the tension with a small smile. “can i take some pictures? you know, to remember this?”
jake’s face brightens slightly. “of course.”
you snap a few shots—some posed, some candid. jake laughing at something you said, jake looking off into the distance, and finally, one of the two of you together, taken with his help.
as the night deepens, you know it’s time to go. you stand, reluctantly. “i should get back before my friends come looking for me.”
jake nods but doesn’t move. instead, he reaches out, gently taking your wrist.
“wait.”
you turn, surprised, as he pulls something from his jacket pocket—a pair of silver rings, simple and elegant.
“for you,” he says softly, slipping the smaller one onto your right hand’s ring finger. the fit is perfect.
your heart races, words failing you as he looks at you, his gaze full of unspoken meaning. then, he leans forward, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead.
“goodbye, y/n,” he murmurs, stepping back.
it takes you a moment to find your voice. “goodbye, jake.”
as you walk back to the hotel, your mind replays the moment over and over, the cool metal of the ring on your finger grounding you in the surrealness of it all. that night, lying in bed, you can’t help but wonder if the universe will bring you and jake together again someday.
꒰ paris again, and again, and again, and again, and again ꒱
a tap on your shoulder pulls you out of your thoughts, and you lift your head groggily. you blink, trying to focus on the person standing in front of you. it’s keeho, grinning mischievously, while hyunjin stands behind him, sipping his americano with a slightly amused expression.
“y/n, what are you doing?” keeho asks, leaning in and waving his hand in front of your face.
you yawn, rubbing your eyes. “i’m taking a break. i can’t even keep my eyes open for more than a minute.”
hyunjin raises an eyebrow. “yeah, we can tell. you’re practically sleeping at your desk.” he leans against the back of your chair, his voice cool but teasing. “how about you stop pretending to study and actually join us for once?”
keeho’s grin widens as he jumps into the conversation. “we’re heading to a café to study, and you’re coming with us. you need a change of scenery.”
you groan, feeling your body resist the idea of leaving the comforting quiet of the library, but deep down, you know you’ve been at it for too long. a change of pace might be exactly what you need.
“come on, y/n,” keeho insists, his voice full of that playful energy you can’t ignore. “we’ll make it more fun. you can’t study like this. plus, you’ll probably get more done with us around.”
you hesitate for a moment, your mind torn between the need for a proper break and the looming pressure of your exams. still, you can’t deny how much you need a little distraction. “fine,” you sigh, finally giving in. “but if we end up just talking the entire time, i’m leaving.”
hyunjin chuckles, giving you a knowing look. “i think you’ll be okay. we’ll actually study this time. promise.”
keeho grabs your arm, pulling you up from your seat with a playful tug. “good, because you need us to keep you sane. now, let’s get out of here.”
as the three of you leave the library, you let out one last sigh, knowing that even though you might not get as much studying done as you hope, you could definitely use the company.
the café is warm and inviting, the soft hum of background chatter mixing with the aroma of fresh coffee and baked goods. it’s a stark contrast to the quiet, studious atmosphere of the library, and you find yourself breathing a little easier as you step inside.
you find a small corner table and set your laptop down, letting out a contented sigh as you settle in. keeho and hyunjin head to the counter to order, leaving you to fidget with your feet, trying to shake off the weight of the past few hours spent studying.
your eyes flicker to the window, watching people pass by as you idly tap your fingers against your coffee cup. eventually, you stop, catching sight of the ring on your right hand.
you pause, fingers tracing the smooth metal, your mind drifting back to paris. “it’s been three years since that time in paris,” you think to yourself, a wave of nostalgia washing over you. the memory feels distant now, like a dream you’re not quite sure was real.
you wonder if jake still remembers you, if he thinks about you at all. you’d been so wrapped up in the magic of those moments, so caught up in the fleeting connection between the two of you, that you’d completely forgotten to exchange socials, to keep in touch.
a soft laugh escapes you, tinged with frustration. you can still picture your past self—so carefree, so caught up in the magic of the moment, never once thinking about the things you should have done. and now, years later, it stings.
the photos you took back then are all you have left—memories frozen in time, but still, you find yourself wishing you had more. a way to bridge the gap between then and now, something more than a ring on your finger that’s become a quiet reminder of what you left behind.
a soft laugh from keeho breaks you from your thoughts, and you glance up to see him and hyunjin walking toward the table, their arms full of coffee cups and pastries. keeho places your cup down in front of you, his expression softening when he notices the faraway look in your eyes.
“you okay?” he asks, settling into his chair across from you.
you smile faintly. “yeah, just… thinking about paris.”
hyunjin raises an eyebrow but doesn’t push. he simply places a croissant in front of you and nods. “we’ll make it through these finals. paris will still be there when you’re done.”
you nod, but the bittersweet smile remains on your face, the question still lingering in the back of your mind. will you ever see jake again?
you manage to get some work done, but there’s plenty of laughter and light-hearted banter between you guys. hyunjin and keeho constantly bicker over the most ridiculous things—whether iced coffee is better than hot coffee, or if studying with background music is productive.
“you’re seriously telling me you don’t like the classics?” keeho says, shaking his head dramatically. “what kind of music do you even listen to, hyunjin?”
“i listen to music that doesn’t make my brain want to shut down,” hyunjin replies with a smirk, taking a sip from his americano. “but hey, if you need classical music to study, you do you.”
you laugh at their back-and-forth, shaking your head at their silly rivalry. the sound of their bickering is strangely comforting, distracting you from the pressure building up inside your mind. you feel a little lighter, even if it’s just for a moment.
after a while, you excuse yourself and head to the bathroom inside the café, needing a quick break from the endless cycle of notes and coffee. the place is busy, but the hum of quiet conversations and the scent of freshly brewed coffee make it feel comforting.
you take your time, refreshing yourself and letting your thoughts wander for a few moments. when you finally finish and head back out, you’re not paying attention to where you’re going, still lost in your thoughts.
and then—bam.
you collide with someone, the force making you stumble slightly. your reflexes kick in, and you immediately start bowing in apology, your words rushing out in a flurry of embarrassment.
“i’m so sorry! i didn’t mean—”
but before you can finish, you hear a familiar voice, soft and warm, with that unmistakable australian accent.
“y/n?”
you freeze, and the world seems to stop for a moment. you slowly lift your head, and there, standing in front of you, is none other than jake. in the flesh.
for a split second, all your words get caught in your throat. your heart races, and your brain scrambles to process the unexpected reunion. this can’t be real. is this a dream?
jake’s brows furrow slightly as he looks at you with concern, his voice softening. “are you okay?” he asks, stepping a little closer to you, clearly worried about your sudden silence.
you blink, feeling your heart thumping louder in your chest as you try to find your words, but they’re nowhere to be found. you stand there, staring at him, completely at a loss for what to say.
he leans in slightly, just enough to make sure you’re okay, his face showing that familiar concern. “y/n?” he gently says your name, and your body snaps back to reality.
“i—uh… sorry, i just—didn’t expect to see you.” you feel the heat rush to your cheeks, embarrassment flushing your face. "i thought… i thought i was imagining things."
jake chuckles softly, his expression softening with a smile that makes your heart flutter. “i didn’t expect to run into you here either.” his tone is light, playful, but there’s something in his eyes—something that makes the air feel a little thicker.
you both stand there for a moment, awkward silence hanging between you. the familiarity of this moment feels surreal, but there’s no denying the warmth that spreads through you at the sight of him.
“so, uh,” you start, finally finding your voice, “what are you doing here? i didn’t expect to run into you… again.”
jake’s lips curl into that familiar, soft smile. he shrugs nonchalantly, but there’s a glint in his eyes, something unspoken. “guess it’s just fate.” he says, his tone playful but there’s a layer of sincerity underneath it, one you can’t quite ignore.
you chuckle lightly, but the tension between you both is palpable now, thickening the air around you. there’s an undeniable pull between you, something that neither of you have fully acknowledged, but it’s there, lingering in the space between your words. you feel the heat of his gaze, and the sudden awareness of how close you both are makes your heart beat just a little faster.
“so… how’ve you been?” you ask, needing to break the moment but also curious, wanting to know everything about him since that last time you saw him.
jake rubs the back of his neck with a small, shy smile, a gesture you remember well. “i’ve been good… just been busy, you know. but i’ve been thinking about our time in paris a lot.” his voice is casual, but his eyes hold something deeper, a hint of vulnerability that you weren’t expecting.
you nod, understanding exactly what he means. you’ve been thinking about paris too. every memory feels like a treasure, something you’ve carefully tucked away, not wanting to forget any part of it. you wish you had more time to ask him about the things he’s been up to, to know if he’s felt the same pull that you have, the connection that neither of you can explain.
you glance down at your hand absentmindedly, and that’s when you see it—the ring he gave you in the park, so simple yet so meaningful. the silver band glints in the soft café lighting, and your heart does a little flip.
jake notices too, his gaze dropping to your hand. his smile softens, almost imperceptibly, but you notice it. there’s a quiet understanding between you two that you don’t need to speak aloud.
“i see you’re still wearing it,” he murmurs, his voice low, almost tender.
you look up at him, meeting his eyes, and for a moment, everything else fades away. you feel like you’re back in paris, standing in that park, with everything still ahead of you, full of hope and possibility.
“i didn’t want to take it off,” you say quietly, your voice barely above a whisper.
jake doesn’t say anything at first, his eyes locked on yours. then, without warning, he reaches out slowly, his fingers brushing lightly over your hand, and he gently presses a kiss to your right hand, right where the ring rests. the simple gesture feels like it speaks volumes, and you can’t help but feel a surge of warmth spread through you.
“i’m glad,” he says softly, his voice just above a murmur. “i’m glad you kept it.”
for a moment, neither of you speaks. the world feels like it’s holding its breath. the space between you feels charged, but neither of you is in a rush to break the silence. it’s as if this moment, this small, quiet exchange, is enough.
you blink, still a little stunned by the gesture, your heart racing, but a smile tugs at the corners of your lips. you can’t help but feel the warmth in your chest, the way his simple action makes you feel seen, valued, even though you never really said all the things you wanted to say.
when you finally speak, your voice is soft but steady. “i didn’t think i’d see you again.”
jake takes a deep breath, his eyes never leaving yours. “i didn’t either, but i’m glad i did.”
enha perm taglist. @dazzlingjaeyun @honeychocos @manaah02 @kozumesphone
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#ʏᴏᴜʀ ℰ𝓎ℯ𝓈 ᴏɴʟʏ - sᥙgᥲrіkіz ☁︎.𖥔#lev writes#sim jake fanfic#sim jaeyun x reader#sim jake x reader#sim jaeyun#jake x reader#jake sim#enhypen jake#jake fic#enhypen jaeyun#enhypen jake x reader#sim jaeyun x you#jake x you#jake fluff#sim jaeyun fluff#jake soft hours#jake soft thoughts#enhypen x reader#enhypen#kpop x reader#kpop#enhypen fluff#enhypen drabbles#enhypen imagines#enha x reader#enhypen scenarios#enhypen x you#enha fluff#enhypen oneshots
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I don't think "Fascist" is a very useful or accurate thing to call Caesar and his Legion (from Fallout: New Vegas) in the context of the game world itself. Like there are a lot of aesthetic similarities and basically all of their unironic real world fans are some sort of Nazi Nerd, but when talking about their place within the context of fictional post-nuclear Nevada it just doesn't work. Like Caesar's whole deal is that he's a Social Scientist who, living in a world that's been "blasted back to the Stone Age", figures that society must evolve through the same stages if it wants to properly return to modernity. The Legion is basically comprised of "Primitive Communists"* who've been forced into a Slave Society. His criticisms of the NCR boil down to them being a moribund remnant of/reversion to Old World Capitalism rather than something organically adapted to the post-Nuclear world. He repeatedly talks about how the Legion isn't meant to represent an ideal society but simply a stepping stone onto something better (the thesis that will clash with it's antithesis and evolve into a superior synthesis). His interactions with the Courier heavily imply that the Legion's Misogyny, Homophobia, Tech aversion etc. are much more tools of social organisation and control than values that Caesar personally holds. The Legion isn't just some band of mindlessly violent reactionaries but the product of very deliberate Social Engineering; a peculiarly post-nuclear sort of scientifically planned society
Now I'm not defending the Legion as a "good" choice or anything; Caesar's plan has a lot of problems, it's not hard to poke holes into and in terms of unadulterated cruelty The Legion is easily the most morally repugnant of the main factions. But the thing I really love about The Legion is how, within the specific context of Fallout's setting, it makes sense. Like once you really think about it you can understand why someone in Edward Sallow's position would arrive at these conclusions, and there are good reasons why (if you take your roleplaying seriously and don't treat the Player Character as an extension of yourself) someone living in this world might chose to side with him. The Legion may be terrible but it's not evil for the sake of evil; there's genuinely a compelling ideology behind it.
It's why I get sad when I see so many people dismiss them as the "dum dum fascist slavers" because there's so much more to them than that. Like I think the best part about The Legion is how ridiculous they first appear ("These raiders dress like Ben-Hur extras?????) but once you find out more about them then it all starts to click ("Oh I see their leader is trying to assimilate them into a distinct and alien culture in order to maintain their loyalty; severing their previous connections and giving them a whole new identity"). So it sucks to see so many people get caught up in the first part and never make enough connections to reach the second. Like in general, Fallout: New Vegas is very messy and flawed and yet it's full of all these interesting little nuances and I think that's worth appreciating it. It's why, time and time again, I keep walking down that dusty road
*in the very broad sense that Fallouts "Tribals" are meant to represent people who have reverted back to some sort of pre-state society; of course there are countless problems with how Fallout treats this matter (including but not limited to incredible amounts of racism) but in order to understand Caesar we're forced to meet the game on it's terms
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a dive into Till’s feelings regarding Ivan and Mizi!
ivantill’s whole thing is being INSANELY complicated. i am a full on believer that they have mutual (unrealized) feelings, but i think the word “love” is definitely too vague to properly describe what they have. vivinos said a “deep LOVE/HATE” relationship for a reason.
i think till both genuinely feeling love for ivan yet hating him at the same time is absolutely reasonable. ivan has pushed and pulled till his whole life. till never felt secure near ivan, as much as he cares about him. but, ivan was always there. till felt comfort with ivan’s presence despite the lack of security he gave. till heavily valued ivan’s opinion, getting upset when ivan implied he didn’t see till as a friend. he trusted ivan enough to attempt to run away with him, and he potentially would have spent the rest of his life with ivan if they actually escaped.
i while love mutual love ivantill as much as the next guy, saying their feelings were 100% romantic is wrong. their emotions towards one another being so raw is something that defines them, which is why it’s difficult to put their mutual feelings into a specific box.
another thing we need to take into account is that neither of them know what love really is. they inhabit a world that isn’t MEANT for humans to love. they were never taught what love is and how to feel it. this is part of the reason they could never develop properly. they live in a world where the concept of romance and relationships aren’t properly established between humans.
but, i do believe like they could’ve had a chance under different circumstances. they were a slowburn that was never able to properly develop because, again, they lived in a world that didn’t allow them to, and they both ruined things for themselves. ivan had a huge tendency to self sabotage because of his severely low self esteem. he convinced himself that his feelings were shallow, and projected that onto till through his actions, confusing and distressing the latter. in addition, till was avoidant of the reality in front of him, ivan. due to till feeling such a lack of security with ivan, and never being able to understand ivan, he avoided intimacy with him altogether. till also just has a fear of intimacy in general. there was a significant amount of miscommunication between both parties.
in addition, saying that till didn’t love mizi is just. false. he dedicated all of his life to her, she was literally his muse. he loved her in his own way, even if he had to put her on a pedestal to do so. yes, he didn’t know anything about her as a person, but that doesn’t mean his feelings weren’t real. saying he never truly loved her undermines so much of his character.
mizi was till’s coping mechanism, yes. he adored her from a distance. he liked the idea of her and not her as an individual, but that doesn’t make his feelings any less real. he loved and cared for her. we saw how torn he was after mizi disappeared in round 5. he almost DIED because of his grief, before ivan ‘saved’ him. his feelings towards her were as authentic as they could be for someone who kept everyone at a distance.
while you could say till’s love for mizi isn’t inherently romantic, the same can be said for ivantill. nothing stated in the patreon confirmed what EXACTLY till felt towards mizi besides her being a fantastical figure to him. and his “love” towards ivan doesn’t HAVE to be romantic (even though i believe it is), it could very much be platonic. vivinos is purposefully vague with what kind of love each character feels because, as i said, feelings aren’t something that can be properly established in this universe.
hope u guys enjoyed my rant Yay 🌹
#alnst#alien stage#alnst analysis#alnst till#alnst ivan#alnst mizi#alien stage till#alien stage ivan#alien stage mizi#ivantill
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Hien & Benichidori compilation
Okay so I put a & but this absolutely a shippy post, the hienichidori community is quiet af and there is no discourse but their comics in their Adventurer’s Bible profiles…!!! Many may ask, does Benichidori canonically have a crush on Hien?! Straightforward answer: It’s left heavily implied but yes. Alternate answer: If the framing of Falin in an explosion as Toshiro says that he loves her isn’t meant to associate the explosion with falling in love when it is mirrored in the next page, then… I think it’s a mix of both, I don’t think just this is true because Hien wouldn’t know who Shuro is talking about or even what Falin looks like, but it could be that the explosion is instead meant to show a world vision being shaken, the thing blowing you away. So for Hien, having Shuro say that breaks this unsaid assumption she’s always had that they might end up together, and thus Falin is taken like an explosion to the face. Similarly, for someone with facial dysmorphia and for who appearances and being subservient are everything, having Hien be confident and totally assume her plain looks, even uplifting herself, that also shakes her world like a bomb. And yes it’s not just about the makeup!! Benichidori’s drawn to her confidence, to her unapologetic attitude, to her attitude. Benichidori unexpectedly snapped at Hien too, but she was totally unshaken and she replied casually and lightheartedly even then; Benichidori saying she can be herself with Hien is about Hien not caring about her mask, both her makeup and her subdued demeanor. Hien is canonically special to Benichidori.
And on the note of that comic, I took a picture from my Adventurer’s Bible for this but I think the fantranslations I’ve seen are lovely too, really gets across all the meaning of the original sentence… Where Benichidori said "She was the only one I could be my unadorned self in front of" (which is my fave) or "I’m able to act my honest self with her". Benichidori having body(more specifically facial) dysmorphia is explicitly stated in the Adventurer’s Bible btw.
Pleasee how Hien’s extra is her talking about her life story and Toshiro to Benichidori… How Hien says "That guy is blind!" and Benichidori says "I’ve noticed that 😊" as if saying that Toshiro is blind to what a catch Hien is… Also in the ninja girls’ shared inn room Benichidori puts her futon next to Hien’s bed.
#Dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#hien#benichidori#hienichidori#Hienbeni#Nakamatsu would also be cute#Hien x benichidori#Benichidori x hien#I would make this part of my rarepair series but they don’t need it they already have interest + i don’t have much to write#Hope this can boost them in the ship tourney… The Flokes are a worthy adversary#dunmeshi rarepairs#Sorryyy some of them are blurrier… As always#Will add more if I find more#That one hienichidori fic on ao3… Thank u for ur service you 100% see the vision#I don’t even think Hien truly crushed on Toshiro but the unrequited angst from benichidori’s pov is also very tasty#they have sm potential#Hienidori as a nickname#Benihien#Rarepair spotlight#Benichihien#Incredible that Benichidori could find such a positive bond in such an hostile environment tbh
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(Critique) Mel Medarda Should Have Known About Her Latent Magical Ability
Overall, I have very little to complain about with S2 of Arcane, but there's a couple very, very small fixes I'd make as a writer to bring it more in line with how tightly written S1 is. Personally, I think the Arcane team either 1) opted for pacing over exposition in S2, which is a completely valid choice or 2) had some limitations in S1 as far as background lore (they hadn't decided how much to tie it into League yet as canon or as an AU) which is why some elements which are teased in S1 (the Gray, Mel's powers) don't get named or explained.
The reason I think Mel should have known about her latent magical powers from the beginnings is two-fold and based almost entirely in writing principles:
Audiences should be given the tools to at least have a chance to solve the mystery at the same time the characters do
It's more powerful when a character's fate is decided, directly or indirectly, by their own deliberate choices
In the case of point 1, we never really get a hint about Mel having any sort of power until the very last shot before the rocket hits her, there's a slight glow which could easily just be artistic flare.
In the case of point 2, Mel's bloodline is what makes her magical, a choice entirely out of her hands.
Personally, if I could do a few small tweaks to sort of bring Mel's story into focus, this is what I'd do:
Make Mel aware since childhood that she is a bastard who was conceived specifically for magical ability that her mother hoped would give House Medarda the edge against their mage enemies.
Have Mel's abilities not develop when she was a child, thus leading her to believe that the reason she was banished from House Medarda was because she failed her mother and her House (rather than to protect her, which was Ambessa's true goal).
Have Mel's banishment encourage her to become skilled in many other areas, like diplomacy, but still keenly feel the inadequacy of not being the weapon Ambessa wanted. (That way, we the audience have some prayer at correctly predicting what's going on with the glow of her tattoos in the last shot of S1, that she has finally come into her power as a mage during a moment of crisis.)
Make it clearer in the flashback to her childhood that the people Ambessa was fighting then were mages. Then, when the young girl (the "Symbol of the Old Regime") is killed, Mel will feel keenly how it is only her own bloodline that keeps her mother from killing her as well, making her question her safety and loyalties.
Let her talk to Jayce about how she grew up believing she had magical abilities, only to never have them develop. It would give her and Jayce one more thing to bond over, since he almost certainly wished he had innate power too after the Wizard saved him, hence why he turned to artificial means to develop the magic he could never develop genetically. (And oh, the irony of the fact the Wizard didn't have it either, it was always Viktor and Jayce gave him that power.)
Have Hextech be the thing that awakens Mel's powers. This one in particular drives me crazy. Mel is the first investor in Hextech, the first believer in it besides Jayce and Viktor. Have exposure to Hextech be something that magically changes her too, because of her deliberate, purposeful choices. Have her choices be why she is "touched by the Arcane." It's heavily implied but never stated or resolved that Hextech is wearing thin the veil between Arcane and reality in Piltover. Mel's close involvement with it should be the thing that triggered her latent powers, because then it's a deliberate action on her part that leads her to being kidnapped by the Rose once her powers awaken. It's no longer a coincidence caused by Jinx's rocket that developed her powers all at once.
By having proximity to Hextech be the thing that awakens Mel's powers, it also brings her story in line with the themes of the show, "Everyone's choices get them what they wanted, but not what they needed." All her life now, Mel wanted to develop the power her mother literally bore her to have. Now she has it and it's horrifying, and alien to her, and has changed the course of her life. In the end, she becomes Head of House Medarda with all the innate power she always dreamed of and it tastes like ashes in her mouth, because she needed to kill her mother to achieve it, and she must leave the city she loves and the independent life she crafted by her own hands behind, in what becomes a tragedy rather than random chance.
It also makes the mirrors and foils of Mel vs. Viktor much clearer. Jayce, in his desire to become the Wizard who saved him as a child through artificial means, has instead turned his two closest loved ones into the powerful mages he wanted to be. As it is, it seems coincidental that Jayce happened to pull two godlike powerful beings, which is unsatisfying, rather than it being the product of all of three of their deliberate choices to become involved with Hextech and how it changes the trio as a result.
It also reframes her support for Hextech weapons at first and then her opposition to it and her mother using Hextech as a weapon. At first, Mel wants to be a Medarda and make her mother proud, she feels keenly her own lack of magic and her inability to be the weapon her mother wanted, but Hextech promises to give magic to the people in a way she and Jayce both keenly feel because they can't access magic genetically. But once Mel develops her powers because of her exposure to Hextech "radiation", and learns how dangerous Hextech/magic can be through conversations with Jayce and seeing its impact on Piltover, she can now, as a mage, change her mind on the subject and decide to stand in opposition to her mother because this power is too dangerous to weaponize.
Again, I think the reason they didn't make this through-line more obvious was because they probably just didn't know what direction they wanted to take Mel in in S1, and then they decided to give her powers as well and it had to be some big secret birthright that got sprung on her to explain why she didn't know in S1. But it makes the story just a smidge less satisfying because the characters feel moved about by fate instead of by their own choices.
#mel medarda#arcane#arcane meta#arcane critical#but not really it's a fairly mild critique and I think they would have done something along these lines if they could have
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I've seen enough people mischaracterizing Early Access Wyll, so here's the best breakdown of his original character I can give.
I'll start this off by plainly summarizing Wyll's EA backstory, some of his core personality traits, then do a bit of analysis.
BACKSTORY
EA Wyll mentions being "born and bred in the upper city" into nobility. It's unspecified what exact level of influence his family occupied.
In datamined voice lines from EA (take with a grain of salt) Wyll refers to being from House Eltan specifically. Eltan was the Grand Duke of Baldur's Gate in the first Baldur's Gate Game, and the founder of the Flaming Fist. Forgotten Realms lore states that the Eltans are no longer in charge of the Fist and have somewhat diminished in power, but again. We don't know to exactly what level.
This also means that this iteration of Wyll was not Ulder Ravengard's son. While he still spoke about his father in EA, the descriptions and characterizations do not line up with Ulder at all. Additionally, he comments about "knowing of" Ravengard during the burning inn sequence, but otherwise makes no connection.
The most damning evidence of all that Wyll being a Ravengard was not originally intended, is Wyll wanting to be like his father and thus "going thieving in the wrong shadows".
Wyll gets caught stealing, presumably as a teenager, and his father uses latent connections within the Flaming Fist to get Wyll sent there. Effectively the fantasy equivalent of sending your unruly kid to boot camp.
Wyll mentions that he didn't adjust well to life as part of the Flaming Fist, was not a very good fighter, and was generally not well liked. The goblin at the windmill calling Wyll "Captain Failure" implies he might have been given higher status despite not earning it.
The way Wyll feels about goblins is a big change between EA and full release, and is explained as part of his backstory.
We didn't get the finer details, but we can assume Wyll in his time with the Fist bore witness to a group of goblins razing a village. Horrified and enraged, he tried fighting a goblin, was overwhelmed, and had his eye torn out.
This is when Mizora showed up and offered him a pact. Considering he was left for dead and probably going to bleed out, it's pretty understandable why he took the deal.
Mizora is not nearly as present in Early Access as she is in the current game. Karlach was not involved in Wyll's story at all, there's no devil transformation.
It's also more heavily insinuated there's a sexually coercive element of Wyll and Mizora's relationship, with him speaking to how every time he wanted to leave her, she found some way to pull him back.
Additionally, Wyll wants out of that contract. Unlike full release where Mizora is randomly captured in Act 2, she starts off kidnapped, and insists she'll let Wyll go if he frees her
It kind of ended up being a plot cul de sac, but Torturer Spike was the goblin that took Wyll's eye--which was a quest item you could pickpocket/loot off his body. Wyll had commentary on it and everything.
TL;DR: -Born to a noble family with Flaming Fist connections -Caught Stealing and sent to work for the Fist as punishment -Tried to fight back during a goblin attack and was gravely injured -Mizora offers a pact -Uses his pact to become a traveling monster hunter, presumably to make up for his past failure to protect people. Antagonistic towards goblins in particular -Ultimately wants out of the pact, but Mizora won't let him go -Wyll and Mizora get abducted by Mind Flayers -Mizora agrees to let Wyll go if he frees her from the cultists
PERSONALITY
This is a bit less concrete than changed story beats, but I can say this: a lot of Wyll's core traits stayed intact between EA and full release. He's still willing to put his life on the line for the Tiefling refugees, with a whole cut line about how the kids he's training deserve to have a carefree childhood. He wants to do good in the world, probably because he spent so much time in his youth feeling like a fuck up.
There's also a much clearer divide between "Wyll" and "The Blade of Frontiers". Notably, in EA he didn't introduce himself by name. Not even a "my friends call me Wyll" quip at Shadowheart like he has currently. During his old romance scene, he has a line about being used to being the hero, and not used to needing one. He's a symbol. An emblem of something bigger than himself. The fact he's so self-aggrandizing as The Blade makes it apparent he's not confident in himself as "just Wyll"
He's also decidedly more forward and flirty in EA, with no reservations about courtship. In fact, the main obstacle to your budding relationship is Mizora herself. Wyll's trauma from her treatment interrupts your first night together. Whether you have sex or just snuggle, Wyll has a line about how he doesn't want to start a relationship until he can "give himself completely" after being freed from his pact.
THOUGHTS & COMPARISONS
I'm also not entirely sure if I'd say EA Wyll is substantially angrier than current Wyll, so much as he had more opportunities to be angry during Early Access. I can understand why the goblin stuff was cut, because it did dip into "Let's make the one black guy fantasy racist" trope. However, it did very much feel like the narrative was pointing in bright, flashing colors that this is a trait Wyll would have to grapple with, learn, and grow from. The fact EA Wyll's most glaring character flaw was scrapped and didn't get much of a replacement in full release makes his story feel less realized.
While I appreciate the overtly sexual element of Wyll and Mizora's relationship was removed, I feel like the final version is somehow even more creepy. During Early Access she existed in the background as a vague villain you only experience via Wyll. And if you do his romance scene and see the way he panics at the mere memory of her, you get the impression of oh shit. This broad is bad news and I've gotta get my boy out of there. The same principle behind not showing the big scary monster too early in the horror movie. Once you've seen it, you can't let your mind fill in the blanks. Mizora went from this intimidating figure whose motives you couldn't fully ascertain, to a mean girl that thinks she's smarter than everyone else but is really just the bumbling lackey of a bigger fish. Who pulls Wyll around with an actual metaphysical leash like a dog. And you're meant to find this sexy.
My final point, and I've said this before: current Wyll's personality seemed more suited to being a scion of house Eltan, while EA Wyll seemed more suited to being Ulder Ravengard's dissapointment son. Current Wyll speaks and carries him like someone raised in nobility despite only being elevated to such status as a teenager. Perhaps this is cynical and maybe even a bit of a conspiracy theory, but I genuinely think he's only Ravengard's son to save on time and assets. Why give Wyll a whole unique family with its own story when we can just tie him in to the "rescue the grand duke" plot, regardless of how much sense it makes!
#baldur's gate 3#bg3#BG3 Wyll#Wyll Ravengard#if any EA players want to add things I might've missed let me know#I'm so tired of people saying EA Wyll was like mean or didn't really care about the Tiefling refugees or something#his core personality did not change that much!! the main difference is that he lashed out due to anger and trauma more!!#I love every iteration of Wyll but his current iteration is introducing themes and then going nowhere with it#twilitalks
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im watching another mouthwashing playthrough
the “SYSTEM FAILURE” message that pops up onscreen when the alarm is going off and curly’s running to the cockpit, just before the crash, i wanna talk about it.
if it is just meant to be the warning or emergency screens in the cockpit as they approach the asteroid [its not], it doesn’t make sense. because it wasn’t a system failure that caused it, it was a navigational failure.
SO i wanna talk about what it is.
this message appears on the screen like the other messages that are meant to kind of show jimmy’s state of mind. Take Responsibility. Take Care Of It. BE QUIET. those.
but these big red letters screaming
SYSTEM FAILURE
pop up when we’re playing as Curly. when he now knows what Jimmy has done and can no longer look past it.
Jimmy’s done the most insane thing, crashing the ship, as a result of Curly’s lack of action.
SYSTEM FAILURE
The system isn’t the ship. the system is capitalism, the company they work for not caring enough about the safety of its employees [especially anya, as a singular woman stranded on a spaceship with four men] to put locks in the sleeping quarters. the company not fostering a safe environment to do anything in case of situations just like what Jimmy does to Anya. they all have a group pay package. and i’m sure they will dock credits for anything they can. like if they used a cryopod not in the case of an emergency [such as the crash] like people have suggested they should have used as a holding cell for jimmy, im sure their group pay would have been docked. and this is something the crew can’t have. which is why curly thinks its best to play mediator. and why this leads to the crashing of the ship.
SYSTEM FAILURE
The system isn’t the ship, the system is the patriarchy, and how men protect other men, specifically in cases of SA, abuse, and harassment. Curly looking the other way, only seeing the big picture, when Anya tells him about the dead pixel and how its all she can see. always there, in the back of her mind. Curly telling Anya they can fix this when she tells him she’s pregnant, saying he’ll do anything and then simply not. Curly helping Jimmy get a job on the Tulpar in the first place, it being heavily implied he was in trouble on earth and running away from consequences.
Curly himself is the SYSTEM FAILURE, and he doesn’t see it until it’s far too late.
#i LOVE this game#mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#anya mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing#tw sa mention#finch longposts
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The Intelligentsia Guild is, according to its wiki, is a group that is financially supported by the IPC. Meaning, that by default, those within the Intelligentsia Guild are in a lower position in power than those in the IPC.
Yet, Ratio is almost always showcased alongside the higher ranking IPC members, commenting under their social media posts (albeit only Aventurines but I digress), being very frequently shown alongside them in promotional material, and even having a reference in the actual IPC trailer.
Now, it's been made clear already that he does have direct relations with the IPC, as seen in the Penacony story, but trying to figure out what these relations exactly are is where I'd like to look.
It is clear he isn't a direct member of the IPC, seeing as he is exclusively introduced as a member of the Intelligentsia Guild, however, in his third character story Margaret states that he received an invitation from the IPC. The exact details of this invitation are not given, but it is described as carrying an amount of solemnity. This, and the fact that during the Penacony story Ratio states, "…only IPC senior members and related members can access it - but I happen to be among them." THIS as well as the fact that in the space station mission, he is introduced as a Delegate from the IPC.
Now, I believe that Ratio is not necessarily a direct member of the IPC, but more an honorary member. I think this is mostly because he is never mentioned as a member of the IPC, only the Intelligentsia Guild. However The Intelligentsia Guild is heavily implied to be an extension of IPC of sorts, and many Intelligentsia Guild members likely do work for IPC, Ratio included. It's clear in his third character story that the IPC is aware of his existence specifically, and I find it easy to believe that his intelligence is used for the benefit of the IPC, especially since in that character story he was sent that letter during the test-firing of an anti-planetary weapon he had developed.
I think he refuses to accept a direct job with the IPC, not wanting that title before or after his name when he's introduced after knowing about all the things that the IPC has done.
I don't think Ratio would want to be associated directly with the IPC, instead being perfectly content to remain in the Guild, leading to yet another faction that he will never join due to his humanity and care for people.
#school is kicking my ass but at least i have dr veritas ratio#amen#i was in actual tears when it was confirmed no ratio rerun yet i think im too attached to him guys#spelling Intelligentsia was a genuine nightmare this entire time#people think that the IPC is like the government due to the taxs and such#but its actually a megacorp like Disney#★ – posts!#★ – analysis!#dr ratio#dr veritas ratio#veritas ratio#hsr ratio#hsr dr ratio#honkai star rail#hsr
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On some level I understand the rejection or outright denial of V2's death: it was jarring and brutal, especially for a character who, at least in laws of traditional video game rivals and the rule of thirds, seemed like it'd stick around for longer. This said, inferring from in-game lore as well as dev statements, I believe V2's death, tragic that it is, is not unwarranted; and that it is commonly pigeonholed into a characterization it does not fit into due to its assumed role within the game.
This is long, so it's going under the cut.
Considering its name, it's easy to assume V2 is a new and improved version of its predecessor; but it is more heavily implied that it's simply a version of V1 with thicker plating, and nothing more. [1] V2 was an attempt at salvaging V1's design after war became irrelevant, to capitalize on the resources wasted on a highly advanced war machine by rebranding it as an adaptable worker, for security and (theoretically) other peacetime activities (...not an innuendo). This was a failure; there's no reason to invest in something so refined when a handful of lesser machines could do the same job [2].
If V2 is contextualized within its backstory, it makes a lot more sense why it ate shit so quickly. It is, out of any in-game machine so far, one of the least suited for survival in Hell. Sentries and Streetcleaners were created for war. Swordsmachine(s) and Mindflayers are scrapheads, constantly adapting to create (and protect) their perfect, lethal body. [3] If anything, it's on the same level as a Drone, able to defend itself in a limited capacity, but not intentionally programmed or built for combat. Faced with V1, something built for perfect, swift destruction, a machine made for peace would stand even less of a chance than normal, even with an equal level of mobility and build.
V2 is also doomed, in a very literal sense, by the narrative. In a meta sense, it does not matter to the game story whatsoever [4]. V1 is the butterfly whose wing flaps set Gabriel's story in motion, but V2 has no such connection to his story, and is thus irrelevant. Even its lore entry is overshadowed by information about V1/its connection to V1. A third fight, as well, was never in the running, not necessarily due to anything in the game lore, but because its first and second encounters are all it needs: a third rematch would be repetitive and messy [5]. The reason for its extremely violent death sequence is to ensure there was no question as to its fate [6].
In regards to its personality; it is oft-headcanoned as loud, irritable, and competitive, but this characterization is more likely due to its color as well as its assumed role as a "rival" to V1; rather than based upon its in-game actions. Although its initial intentions are up to interpretation [7], comparing its actions and mechanics to other enemies fully rationalizes its anger. Although it's fairly easy to enrage in-fight, the criteria for its enrage state is much more specific than other enemies, and it's quite easy to not trigger it at all. Cerberi will enrage after one of its kind dies, Malicious Faces and Mindflayers after a certain amount of damage has been dealt (on Violent). Most notably, as the only other character with a rematch, Gabriel begins his second fight enraged after his first defeat [3], which can imply by extension that even though V2 is taking its second fight more seriously [8], it is still not outwardly angry. Its enrage state is only triggered when its patience is depleted (the player avoids it for too long), or in its second fight when it has been punched with the Knuckleblaster. These can be interpreted as indicators that V2 likes it when the fight is "fair": when it's not being avoided and picked at from a distance, or being hit with its own arm; which is frankly pretty fucking mean. A side note: Returning to its creation, it can also potentially be inferred that V2 was intentionally programmed with a rational, controlled, and even marketable personality, easily suppressed or overwritten for ease of use.
In another game, or if V1 was the protagonist, perhaps V2 would not be dead. Instead, V2 is doomed by its creators, both in-game and in reality. It mirrors V1 in action and Gabriel in mind, but unlike them, it has no place in this story beyond a truly fantastic duo of fights. Although its story has any number of potential rewritings or epilogues [9], its doom was always intended. It's easy to mourn lost potential, and its end is intensely tragic; but I believe it is a tragedy that meshes nicely with the rest of the game's story. V2 is dead, and not a second too soon.
Footnotes:
1.
Along with the lore entry for V2:
V1’s planned production was cancelled and an updated model, V2, was developed instead, using the standardized plating, since durability was far more important during times of peace when no bloodshed was necessary.
2.
twitter.com/HakitaDev/status/1538313328715513857
3. in-game lore entries, can be read on ultrakill.miraheze.org or here in one document: steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2245904838
4.
5.
twitter.com/HakitaDev/status/1538336055681863680
6. "And then V2 dies as hard as anyone could possibly die to make sure people understand he's fucking dead and is not coming back" - dev commentary, 05:08:09 (youtu.be/kaImho5JioI?si=v4_m90nfLOY-DyEZ&t=18489)
7.
8.
9. Notably, Dream's End Come True / v2isdead.com.
#ULTRAKILL#V2#meta#id in alt#finally fleshed this out. V2 death manifesto with bonus personality critique!
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