#it's not ridiculous it doesn't mean she doesn't have principles or a lot to her

[istillgotlove]

another thing about taylor swift is she is absolutely terrified of the things she says and does being misconstrued and used as weapons. which has been done to her and using her voice so so many times. like all around. this is not a ridiculous fear for her to have. no matter how articulate she is that will happen. however, she has a massive platform unlike nearly anyone on the planet which is why that potential harm exists, and she needs to not be paralysed with fear of being capable of standing up for what she believes when the stakes are high. like being against trump was terrifying to her and did in fact cost her a lot but that's. one of the most mainstream things she could have done. she needs to not be so scared of what happens when she speaks up that she just. doesn't.

[esamastation]

fanciestgeckofella: desmond transmigrates into liu qingge

(This is not that, sorry, but I do have a snippet where Desmond transmigrated into Yue Qingyuan which I don't think I ever posted, so, have that one instead.)

-

First thing to go through Desmond's mind is something along the lines of, Oh fuck, here we go again. Next is complete and absolute bafflement. Because he's pretty sure he's supposed to be dead right now.

That alone is very confusing. Then there is… this thing.

[Welcome to the world of Proud Immortal Demon Way! This System is designed to guide you as you go about your existence in this world. Operating under the guiding principle, You Can You Up, No Can No BB, this System hopes to provide you with an pleasant user experience!]

Desmond blinks at the floating screen in front of him. It… doesn't exactly look like any kind of Animus screen he's ever seen - it actually kind of looks like it's from computer from pre-2000s or something, with blocky grey boarder like something he's seen in old TV shows. No Animus programmer would be caught dead using aesthetic like that. Right?

… Well, actually. He could totally see some retro-loving techie liking it. Not Rebecca, though, she's a futurist through and through, but if she'd been into the old style Window XP or something, it probably wouldn't have taken much effort for her to install some sort of theme - aaand that's completely beside the point.

It's an Animus. He's in the Animus again… somehow. Hm.

"Um," Desmond says out loud, and clears his throat. His voice is weird, different from how it should be. Not that unusual, in the Animus, that, but it feels… more than just having an ancestor transposed over himself. Man, they must've upgraded the Animus a lot while he was, uh… "I'm… aren't I supposed to be… dead?" he asks slowly and feels a bit silly doing it, because he's clearly still around, and yet…

[You have indeed died! Your consciousness has been transferred, and your role has been bound: Yue Qingyuan, the Sect Leader of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect.]

… Okay, that's a bit different, but he can almost understand it. Consciousness transfer, role bound, that's probably new term for running around in your ancestor's skin. Yue Qingyuan, that's his ancestor this time around then. Cool. Sounds Chinese, which is interesting, Desmond didn't know they had any family there, but hey, Rebecca did say he had ridiculously low pedigree collapse, so that would mean his ancestry spread pretty far, right?

Ezio did have a Chinese student, Shao Jun, so, some pre-existing connections there. Maybe few generations down the line, they became bit closer. Rubbing a hand over his face and finding some of those familiar markers he shared with Altaïr, Ezio and Ratonhnhake:ton - full lips, aquiline nose, high cheekbones… Desmond nods to himself. Yeah, yeah, seems about right.

And yet there's still something just a bit… off.

"Okay," he says, drawing a breath. "I'm still kind of stuck up on the being dead part. Did you reboot my DNA or something? How am I here being, like, a living - or at least a thinking - person?"

The System window seems to consider this for a moment before answering.

[Your consciousness was captured from your dead body and transferred into your new role.]

Oh.

Desmond squints. "Captured how?"

[Your consciousness was captured from your dead body and transferred into your new role.]

… helpful.

So it was the Grand Temple - the Grand Temple did something? He'd been digitised like Clay and Juno, maybe? Okay, yeah, cool, that makes sense. Not sure how well he likes it yet, but hey, he's around, he's thinking, maybe sorta-kinda living and breathing - it's a step above from not… doing those things. Yeah. He can do this. "Nice. And who's Yue Qi-qin - how do you say that name, again? Who is he?"

[Yue Qingyuan is the Sect Leader of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect, also known as the Xuan Su sword.]

Desmond hums in understanding, eying the window, waiting for more. Nothing more comes, so he says slowly. "… Okay. And what am I supposed to do with him? I mean. What are we after here? Another piece of Eden, or… what?" he asks, folding his - folding Yue Qingyuan's - arms. "What is the mission status?"

[…]

That's all he gets. Literal ellipses, before the System window slowly flattens and disappear, leaving him blinking at empty air.

"… O-kay…?" Desmond mutters, making a face. "That was weird."

He'd never been left hanging in the Animus before. Not cool. The whole initialisation here process was a bit weird, really. Almost feels like they'd left him with an automated answering machine version of the Animus UI, or something. Was he even talking to an actual person there? What the heck. Why resurrect his consciousness at all, if they're not going to tell him what he's supposed to do here? Even Vidic didn't leave him completely in the dark…

Who resurrected him anyway? The Assassins or the Templars?

Uncertain, Desmond glances around for some sort of guidance or clue. The place is nice, and the graphic quality has gone through some incredible upgrades, like, damn. You'd almost mistake it for reality. But there is something seriously off about this. Not just the weird answering machine Animus, but… everything, really.

It doesn't feel like any Animus he's ever been in either. Usually when he starts out, it's as a passive viewer in his ancestor's memory - it takes a bit before he gets control and even then it's sorta not… not full control. Desmond is more used to being the passenger to his ancestor's actual driver. There's never not a moment where he doesn't feel like a second wheel on a unicycle.

Here, it's just him at the steering wheel, just him on the pedals. There's no other mind, no framework of another life - no shell of a person that once was. It's just him, in another body. Weird.

The terminology used was weird too - nothing like the lingo Rebecca or Shaun would've used. You can you up? No can no BB? What does that even mean?

Desmond rubs at his chin for a moment - baby smooth, not even a stubble - and then shrugs his shoulders and goes to get up. Might as well take a look around and try and figure out the limitations of this version of Animus. And it's not like he knew anything about Altaïr or the others either, not before getting the synchronisation up and running, so… better get started with that.

It's still a bit weird though. Usually he gets thrown into a cut scene first to get started with. Waking up in someone's - frankly rather fancy - bedroom is new. Ezio not counting.

Oh well.

-

And then he walks out under dressed and scandalises all the disciples on Qiong Ding Peak.

Alas that is as far as it got really, but the idea of Desmond as Yue Qingyuan is still weirdly dear to me.

[the-glorious-evolution-fanart]

It's crazy how cringe Arcane S2 Viktor is. He's a Machine Herald without the "machine". It's just like calling Mordekaiser as the "Iron Revenant", and taking away the "revenant". It makes no sense at all, and destroys the whole character. It's like making Jhin with his face visible, when everything that makes Jhin himself is the anonymity of his face.

Suffice to say, I'm disappointed, and if they choose to make Arcane Viktor as the in-game one with the VGU & Rework, I'll quit playing Viktor. I don't want to play as another corrupt mage like Brand or Xerath. I want to play as a cyborg man from Zaun. Closest we have is Urgot, but even then, he's not a ranged character. Camille? Again, close range character, and from Piltover. And they're not quite the same as Viktor, who is fully set on prosthetics, and helping people, and being a scientist who builds golems.

It's like Viktor will become a completely different character, and I'll continue to prefer his current LoR version as the in-game canon since I love that version of him right now. Welp, guess the only place where we can play as his original version will be LoR. Such a shame.

The whole plotline of "Piltover-Zaun becoming one against Viktor's and Noxus' armies" makes me cringe so hard, you have no idea. Weren't we supposed to have an animation series about Piltover and Zaun? When did it become about "Noxus vs Piltover and Zaun"? But I liked Jayce. He's become Giga Chad, basically. Sure, doesn't fit his S1 character, but which character stayed loyal to their S1 versions? I didn't like S1 too because it didn't set up the base for Viktor becoming the Machine Herald at all (not into robotics, no comment on human emotions, etc.), or for Jayce to be an arrogant guy who's very hard to work with. No, instead we had their "better" versions. It makes me so angry. 😭 I'm not even starting with what kind of abomination they've turned WW into. He's supposed to talk. Not act like an animal %90 of the time and just speak one word the whole season.

Swain crows and Mel allying with LeBlanc was cool, ngl. Doesn't make a lot of sense as to why Swain doesn't move a finger to stop Ambessa and her army whatsoever, but whatever. Also what was the "subtle foreshadowing" they did on the last episode? Geez.

Ambessa fighting scene is literally what happens in every movie: the guys who are shooting all the time suddenly stop and let the main character(s) kill them. What a classic.

Betrayal wasn't expected but didn't surprise me.

Viktor model is just outright cringe. Mask looks ridiculous. Hair looks ridiculous. Cane? A whole another level of ridiculous. Voice not at all Machine Herald's. Human face still visible under Reddit Upvote button, disgusting. Halo of runes(?) behind his head, forced Biblical stuff. Has magical husk slaves like Evelynn in LoR who has the ability to fly and infect, apparently. SUS. He also has gone to the full "people shouldn't have control" mind-set, which I don't appreciate since even the Convergence Comic Viktor at the start was hating the cult, blaming them for twisting his ideology for their own sick beliefs. His third arm just looks like a horrid monster from S.O.M.A. game, but in a really bad way. Also wow, Viktor now apparently has the power to telekinesis.

Wow, apparently Caitlyn is such a powerful and lucky(!) character that she can fight while being stabbed by a dagger. Wow. Not plot-armor at all.

I appreciated how Ambessa's men literally do nothing to help their commander, which should have happened since Noxians use any and all means necessary to win. They used Singed's chemical weapons during the invasion of Ionia. Guess they forgot about their own principle: "Guile" 💀

WW can teleport now?! Wtf. Also impenetrable skin. They're really going for that "Shuriman Ascended WW", huh? Everyone can fly now, apparently.

Wow, galactic god Viktor. So cringe. Old Viktor. Viktor paradox. How worse could it have been?

Aaand, "happy" ending because why not. 💀

Jinx using herself as a bullet? Now that's a first. Was Jinx's death supposed to be sad? Sorry, I was cringing over every other thing wrong with the act that I couldn't find it in myself to feel bad.

What I didn't understand is how did Orinna came to be??? Hello??? Can we get an explanation please??? Because she's not the Orianna we know at all.

NOOO THEY'LL DESTROY NOXUS NEXT!!! NOOOOO 😭😭😭

^^^ it's over.

Orianna got injected with Viktor's and Warwick's blood I guess, so now she has 3 dads!

[chameleonspell]

HTDC commentary - 1: numb

[Looking back at HTDC after nearly ten years: comments on lore, character notes, influences, art, whatever. May contain spoilers for later chapters.]

chapter text: 1: numb

This chapter has had the most edits over time, as my writing skills increased, and I got ever more annoyed at the state of the opening, which ought not to be the worst writing in the fic, if I wanted anyone to stick around. It still needs work, but I was not made of infinite energy. I largely just tried to improve what was already there, rather than do what I really ought to have done, which is do some proper scene-setting. None of the early chapters have much in the way of description, especially of places. I was very much working on the principle that it was fanfic, and the whole point of fanfic was that I didn't need to do that. My assumed reader was intimately familiar with Seyda Neen, because my assumed reader was myself. I was absolutely writing only the bits I enjoyed writing, which was dialogue.

I'm still torn on the first paragraph, because in trying to make it more interesting, I mostly only succeeded in making it florid and purple. The reason I let it stand is because of a favourite excuse of mine for slightly ridiculous writing - it accurately reflects the mental state of the protagonist, i.e. tangled and confused. I will use this excuse again.

(See, maybe there's no description because Iriel's really out of it, and can't register anything! Bad writing is diegetic if the characters are having a bad time!)

Iriel was dragged

Not the exact wording of the original first-draft opening line, but I edited it in for symmetry, after I wrote the last words of the last chapter ("Iriel moved forwards").  Which was, according to an email I sent at the time, in June 2015, so less than three months after I wrote the first words? That seems crazy. I do remember writing a first draft of the ending chapter quite early on, but... that early? Gosh.

When I say I wrote the ending three months after the beginning, I mean that I ONLY wrote the ending. I then spent two more years, filling in the 198 chapters in between.

The contrasting significance of the beginning and ending lines was expanded from something Philip Pullman said about making sure the first and last words of His Dark Materials were both "Lyra", because it's her story, and she encompasses it.

the guard had seized the elf by his bony wrist

A running theme of Iriel's physical trauma triggers: grab him by the wrist and he's liable to shut down completely. A jail thing, of course - make sure the magic user can't cast spells.

His bare toes snagged between the planks of the jetty

Every time I read this, I flinch, and feel the exact sensation, because it is such a terrible, terrible sensation. I know I do worse things to Iriel later, but I might hate this one the most.

Oh gods. Come on, Ire.

Many people have told me they found they were pronouncing Iriel wrong, when they read him sound it phonetically in chapter 90: "Iriel. Eye-ree-el." I can see their point, but in that case, I want to know how they were pronouncing "Ire", the shortening he gives, right at the start! Which is an English word, pronounced like the Ire in Ireland, so I hoped that implied the pronunciation of Iriel

Regarding Iriel's name: I chose it because it was visually short, having a lot of long, thin letters in it, and I liked the symmetry of the capital I and the lower-case L at the end. The shortened version, Ire, is even more featherweight, barely more than a pronoun. This is a real boon for a protagonist name that's gonna turn up in almost every sentence - you can throw it in a lot, for clarity, and it doesn't look awkward. 

I think I found it in a name list on uesp.net, and I don't think it was specifically feminine-coded at the time? ESO was only just out, so I refuse to be blamed for things it added to canon, such as two female NPCs called Iriel. My personal headcanon is that it's a unisex Altmeri name and the first i is pronounced short when it's feminine, and long when it's masculine. In his not-strictly-canon tumblr bookclub with @quickchangeartist's OC Moraelyn, Iriel says of his name:

P.S. i rolled my eyes gently at your “dear little bird” bit, but did you actually know my name is avian-derived, or was that an adorable accident? an iriel is a very pretty but sadly extinct type of finch (I am less pretty, but also less dead, a condition with which i am (on good days) content.) My mother selected the name in order to make me more matrimoniably palatable to her bird-mad noble friend. So mercenary

Iriel’s eyes jittered from surface to surface. “I was in the hold! I didn’t see anything! I don’t know anything about boats! I mean, the sail’s clearly square-rigged, but a brig should have at least two masts, I really have no idea what you’d call it, I didn’t get a chance to examine, I… I was in the hold. I don’t know anything.

In draft one, all Ire said was that he didn't know anything about boats. Then I reread it later, when it had been established that Iriel's dad was a fisherman, Iriel knows how to sail a simple boat, has absorbed a fair amount of nautical terminology, and, in general, KNOWS ABOUT BOATS! Which, I have to warn you, from a writer's perspective, is a fucking terrible thing to have your character know about. The research is a nightmare. Never have a character know anything about boats!

Anyway, I decided it was much funnier if he reeled off a bunch of technical stuff about boats, while still claiming he didn't know anything about them, because... he's just that confused? His reflexive paranoid guilt makes him deny knowledge under questioning on general principle? He doesn't think of himself as someone who knows about boats, in comparison to his dad? Yes.

someone a head taller than he was

I forget at what point I established Iriel's precise height. He's 6'4", which is below average, for an Altmer, but tall for Morrowind, a shift of identity and perspective he never quite adjusts to.

“Oh. Well… my name is Iriel of Lillandril. Which is far too many Is and Ls in one name, and really, you’d think my parents would’ve known better. We Altmer use loconymics, as I’m sure you know, so–”

Again, I chose Lillandril more or less at random from the Summerset map, based on it having a lot of Is and Ls, which felt right, all tall and Altmery, and a little bit ridiculous. Say it three times fast and you're basically yodelling. Later, I established Lillandril as Fantasy Wales, accent-wise, which made it even better.

ESO might have since established something different with Altmer surnames, lore-wise, but I don't know or care. Loconymics (being named for the place you come from) seem the norm for Altmer in Morrowind, and I like that.

I made up "loconymic", though googling now, there are other uses. I probably should have used toponym, as loconym is a greek-latin mix, which is bad practice. But I wanted a word for "named after a place" where the meaning was easily inferrable, without knowing either Greek or Latin, and "locus" is more familiar from words like "location" than "topos" is. I was trying to keep my linguistic technobabble vaguely intelligible!

In the very first draft, Iriel claimed he was a foundling in this line mentioning his parents, which was my attempt to stick to the exact terms of the whole Morrowind "uncertain parentage" thing. But I very quickly retconned it, realising there was far more mileage in having Iriel know he was connected by blood to his parents, and all the Altmeri angst he has over that. Only the first of many, many in-game "facts" I decided to bend or outright contradict! But it took me a while to realise I was allowed to do that, now, that I didn't have to keep to canon, as long as everything hangs together. In this case, I justified it later, by saying that the Empire had recorded Iriel as having unknown parents, because that's what he told them when he was arrested, in a futile attempt to prevent his family finding out.

pale-gold Altmer face, amber eyes and soft brown hair.

I had read something that advised writers to give hot, fiery angry characters warm colouration, and cold, reserved characters cool colouration, and I thought that was stupid. Iriel's not exactly cold (just numb), but Altmer in general are seen as cold, especially in contrast to fire-themed Dunmer, and... anyway, I wanted a warm-toned Altmer, because why not? Amber eyes is pretty, but not extravagantly so. I didn't want him to be exceptional, in any way - he's someone who can easily vanish from sight and memory, after all. So, he gets the most "boring" hair colour, mouse brown, which I have a soft spot for.

@Sinilakki sent me a picture very soon after I posted this chapter, and I was delighted, because clearly my limited physical description had worked - it was perfect. My first ever picture of Iriel, and it's still one of my absolute favourites.

“You are male, aren’t you? Hard to tell with you elves.” Ire racked his addled brain for the sort of lacerating response he would have given to that, in better days, but failed miserably.

The first thing to produce an actual spark of defiance in Iriel, even if he doesn't manage to act on it. Ire's experiences of Imperials having offensive ideas about elven gender will reoccur, once he's in a fit state to lecture about it.

Ire squeaked, and shifted as best he could, stumbling towards the door and struggling with the handle until it finally obeyed him.

All this is so early Pratchett, isn't it? Rincewind, but younger and gayer. Make a wet, nervous wizard and give him problems.

previous: 0: intro next: 2: labels

[taffycandyqt]

Ex Purple Dragon with a thing for Casey PT.2

Masterlist

Request Rules

Pt 1.

You and Casey are thick as thieves. Though sometimes Casey is just thick. Everyone else can tell that you only left the dragons because you're udderly in love with him. He's the only one that doesn't seem to get it.

2003 Casey Jones x gn reader

Headcannons

Fluff, crack

Not proofread

After a while of hanging with the gang you realized that there was no way Casey would fall for you as you were.

But at the same time, Splinter's words about not losing yourself also played in your mind.

At this point it wasn't just a crush. You were actually in love with him.

And for the past little while you have been trying to drop hints but he never seemed to get it.

Or maybe it's that he chose not to.

But what did you expect?

Casey may be a bit off his rocker but he's still a good soul.

He had morals, principles, ideals.

You didn't really have any.

Maybe it was time you turned things around. Maybe you should go clean. Casey would definitely see you then!

So began your journey!

It's was difficult not drinking, or smoking ect...

Not just difficult, HORRIBLE.

The chills the, anxiety, the cravings. It sucked.

Not to mention that it made you waaaay more irritable.

How were you supposed to focus on being a "good person" when you wanted to literally kill everyone.

But through it all the turtles, Splinter, April, and most notable Casey supported you the whole time.

They helped distract you when you needed it and provided healthy alternatives like suckers instead of cigarettes. Stuff like that.

Like previously mentioned the other step in your transformation would be to practice some ethics.

To do that, you needed to actually understanding why they actually matter in the first place.

This led you to Donny's doorstep.

He gave you multiple books on the history, reasoning, meaning, and importance of morals and ethics. Along with multiple philosophical books departing the topics.

Safe to say you've been spending a lot of time in. You've been working on yourself so much you hadn't had the time to spend with Casey, April, or the turtles for a while.

And this for some reason, bugged Casey.

Which was stupid cuz you were trying to better yourself! Why would he be mad that your taking the time to do that?

He ended up ranting to April about this multiple times.

At first she thought he just missed his bestie.

But after him whining on her couch while eating her snacks she figured out what what happening.

He had feelings for you. And he REALLY misses you.

At a certain point she just got so done with his shenanigans she told him exactly what he sounded like.

He was in denial.

Like what you you mean I love them? That's ridiculous!

Eventually after stewing with these thoughts and missing you he came to terms with his feelings.

And he was nervous.

You'd been gone for so long, maybe you didn't want to see him. Or anyone for that matter.

So he went to the best person he knew for advice. April.

HER ADVICE SUCKED.

WDYM JUST CALL THEM AND ASK TO MEET UP???

Uhhhhhhggggggg.

But he does cuz what other option does he really have if your not actually there.

So he called you up. And that excited you!

You picked it up more than happy to talk to him.

But when he asked to meet up? Well, you weren't sure.

You weren't your best self yet... You still needed time!

But he was really insistent and who were you too say no?

So you met up with him. You talked about things that you missed when you were gone.

And you excitedly told him everything you've learned.

For once you felt like it was important to have some sort of moral ideal.

Not to mention the philosophy of morals book that Donny lent you kinda gave you an interest in philosophy!

Honestly, Casey was just happy to hear your voice again after so long. You've changed so much yet you were still just as passionate.

After a lot of walking and talking and catching up, you both were about to part ways.

Neither of you wanted to leave the other but you both felt like there was no other choice.

Well almost.

Just as the moment was almost over and left as a memory Casey confessed to you right there.

So fast and so confident you had to ask him to repeat himself just so you could be sure you heard him right.

You did.

All you could wonder though is how? Why? When?

You had only just started your transformation. There's no way he could feel so strongly about you now.

Casey, however, wasn't sure when he started feeling this way. Definitely before you started your whole "changing" thing.

This left you confused. He hated the purple dragons. And for good reason.

Casey didn't smoke, he was a far cry from an alcoholic, and he never approved of your more illegal ventures.

So how could he have fallen for you before now?

The answer to that question would be left a mystery.

After you two traded confessions it left you wondering if anything you did was worth it.

If this is what Splinter meant by, not losing yourself.

But you didn't feel any less like you. If anything you felt better.

You were happier, you had more energy, and you weren't as stressed all the time.

Maybe the reason you did it wasn't the right one, but if you could go back you wouldn't change a thing.

And besides, Casey loved you as you were before, and he loves you now. He's sure to love the person you become as you grow along side him.

------------------------------------------------------------

Uggggg sorry if this one is absolute booty. I really wanted to finish this off but there was so much too it I feel but I REALLY didn't want to make a third part. Sorry if it's rushed or does make sense. I hope y'all like it regardless 🩷

[elasticitymudflap]

Te: PetriGrof, it seems to me that Betty by virtue of her passion and dedication to magic, she would absolutely be okay with the status quo PRIOR to finding the Crown. And if Simon was never cursed (ignoring the War for a tic), then Simon and Betty could have stayed forever more as, like a thing in motion that stays in motion. So I wanted to ask you, the Betty expert, do you think that Betty would have ever become unhappy in her life with Simon? Prior to the Crown?

*rubs my audhd little hands together evilly*

I think there would be a lot of instances where she would be frustrated and maybe clash with Simon over their very different approaches to work and life (Betty's impulsiveness vs Simon's caution), but ultimately I think the sum of things that bond them and compliment each other outweigh the issues that would come up. Obviously, I still maintain that therapy - both couples AND personal - would be a must for them. They both scream complicated upbringings and lasting personal/family trauma to me.

In a universe where the mushroom war never happened and the world progressed sort of Earth-like but with no crown interference, I could easily see Betty becoming increasingly stressed out and frustrated about their work not being taken seriously. Simon seems to take his work being ridiculed in stride, but I don't think Betty would be so forgiving. I think if someone threw a book at Simon's head, now that the two of them are together, he'd probably have to restrain her from hopping off the podium and bare-knuckle boxing with the audience.

I think she'd also be confused and frustrated even further that he doesn't get more angry about it. Simon's work fascinates and inspires her because of how radical and "out there" it is, she cited it often before she actually met him (as per the 'Jerry' storyboards), so why doesn't he feel compelled to defend his work as fiercely as she does? Why is he content to let people disrespect him, and by extension their shared beliefs?

And therein lies one of the problems: Simon is used to going at it solo, having his own work and beliefs ridiculed was the norm, it probably never even occurred to him that Betty would feel disrespected by extension. In fact, he would likely be so fixated on the angle of Betty being embarrassed to be with such a pariah in the academic community that he doesn't see what about the situation is actually bothering her. Simon's generally nonconfrontational nature in defending himself and his work would probably be a running argument with Betty (in an "I love and respect you so much, so why are you not loving and respecting yourself?" way).

Don't get me wrong though, he may not be a fighter when it comes to self defense, but I think people who would dare disparage Betty and her work in front of Simon would do so entirely at their peril.

But I digress, I think it's worth looking at that they both seem to have the same kind of self worth issues and self-sacrificing tendencies, although they're articulated differently. Simon is more 'resign yourself to fate and accept the horrors if it means you can help someone' while Betty is more 'throw yourself into danger to actively help someone while denying the personal consequences'.

I bring this up because, on the other side of things, I could see Betty's impulsiveness and recklessness on their expeditions coming to a boiling point. We see this hinted at in 'Jerry' quite a bit, but I think there would be situations where Betty literally puts herself in mortal danger (ala Casper and Nova) in order to recover an artifact against Simon's wishes.

I think back again to the Casper and Nova book, how Nova ran headfirst into danger and Casper as a character had no choice but to progress. To me, at least, the implication became that the only way to stop "the story" (or tragedy) from progressing any further would be to literally abandon the 'adventure' by physically refusing to go forward and putting down the book. I'd say the same principle applies here, to a certain degree: let's say that they ended up in a parallel situation (not crown related obviously), and Simon chose to abandon the expedition they were on by immediately saving Betty instead of going for the artifact they were searching for.

As with the parallels Betty had to Fionna and Cake that Simon saw, I could see Betty getting furious at Simon for stopping her, and by extension letting the entire expedition go to waste in the process. I think that this would be the one and only time Simon would ever find it in himself to blow up at her, worse than the way he did in 'Cheers'.

I think the confrontation would see Betty having to reckon with her inability to accept that she is something worth fighting for, and that she is loved, and wanted, and more important to Simon than literally anything else, let alone their work; and Simon having to confront just how much Betty sacrifices to help him, how damaging it is even though it's shrouded in her perky quirks and smiling insistence, and how he's been unknowingly encouraging her to do so by not being cognizant of this pattern and making moves to stop it.

Or not. Point is, I think something would really have to blow up before they're both able to recognize they have some pretty serious problems and agree to explore some kind of help.

All this being said, the thing that 'Cheers' really demonstrated for me was that, although they may have been unaware of these unhealthy behaviours and the patterns they were making in their relationship, they were completely capable and willing to change. And that really is what I think is the most important, albeit tragic aspect of these two.

[myjustice]

spoilers for pt. 4 of lantern rite, thoughts mainly focused on furina.

at first i was concerned that her & hu tao meeting was going to be another little jab at furina's trauma concerning the floods & the people that were lost to the waters & other things ( because she genuinely carries a lot of guilt with her over it & the powerlessness she felt for the last 500 years & just making false promises that she herself as she was had the power to help them when that wasn't the truth ), so i'm really glad that it didn't end up being the case & it ended up being an entirely different thing.

by the sounds of it furina might be testing her wit on making a horror film which i would love to see personally. i hope this comes back full circle in a later patch - would love to see who she thinks would make perfect actors to star in her horror film, it'll probably be characters from liyue since liyue folklore seems to have been the source of inspiration for this film idea she's trying to iron out.

i'm glad that we caught the fontaine cast as they were leaving liyue because i really wanted the lantern rite to be more heavily focused on the liyue cast. i love the implication that the fontaine characters were there enjoying the lantern rite as well though!

i can't express just how happy i am that furina got to meet zhongli first out of the seven & that she got to spend time with him in the company of hu tao. she genuinely enjoyed their company & i adore & i'm so happy that she did because it emphasizes that her isolation isn't something she does with pleasure. furina doesn't like to be alone, she doesn't want to anymore. being on her own is just something she was forced to live with, self-isolation to cope with what may come her way & threaten her spirit. the fact that she can kick it off with others so well is wonderful & that she feels so at ease & comfortable to just be herself around them.

furina being able to tell there's more to zhongli than meets the eye by a mere conversation was awesome. the exhaustion i feel when people want to discredit her ability to critically think on her own or that she's too "childish" to connect two & two on her own is ridiculous. also this one shot of zhongli looking so happy to see her in person is very cute to me.

it gets glossed over that the seven see furina & her expelled divinity as one entity ( individual interpretations from the fandom/fanon aside ), so betwixt them they hold her at a very high esteem for being able to successfully deceive the heavenly principles which is an entity that they all fear ( for good reason ). they don't see furina &/or focalors, they just see furina who has simply destroyed her throne & is now like zhongli & venti are, they're just three retired tired & exhausted ex-archons. furina, however, does not fully have her memories intact, she only has vague recollections of her very old life. should that ever return to her in full swing or not is still very much in the air. it's neither a yes or a no.

anyway, i'm glad that it can't be argued that furina cares so much about neuvillette. he means a lot to her. & that she thinks of his wellbeing & is hopeful about him giving himself a chance in this world even with his lack of interest for it which she has known he has for the longest time. she knows him so well it's actually so lovely to see it play out how it does. she's using the traveler as her middle man, to pass on her message to him but i'm hopeful for the day where these two will get to talk to each other again & reconcile as she continues to find a healthy way to sort through her traumas & her woes to where it's not entirely consuming her anymore. having her see that she's deserving of love & is worthy of it & that it's genuine is the day i'm so excited to be able to see & witness for myself. for hundreds of years furina encouraged neuvillette to integrate himself more & more into the human world so that he for himself can see the beauty she saw in it even through the struggles & pains that come with it so i'm sure hearing the advice furina told the traveler to pass on to him was a song he was all too familiar with. him admitting & coming to terms with that is very important to that part of their relationship.

hearing clorinde regard furina as her friend no doubt meant the absolute world to furina & given how familiar furina is with clorinde it was important to me that she heard it from clorinde the most because furina knows clorinde wouldn't just say & toss the word friend around so lightly & so mindlessly. it really strengthened the foundation afterwards for furina to call them both her friends as well a few moments later because that was reassurance to furina. clorinde just saying this is what friends do for each other was letting her know that they really see her as their friend & that it's okay for furina to consider & see them as her friends as well because they already consider her as part of their group. it made me so happy. they all came separately but they all depart together.

in general i was pretty happy. it was so nice to see furina again. she means everything to me.

some tid bits that i found so funny were the implications that zhongli really did avoid neuvillette which the conflict in that is something i love because there really is a deep rooted conflict there by relation that needs to get addressed & ironed over & not fixed by the power of friendship.

hu tao saying that neuvillette was a friend of furina's that still had a lot of growing up to do because it's true, hu tao isn't wrong but it's just so funny that it came from hu tao, not because i believe her immature, but because her saying it out of anybody else is implying something.

& then the fact that furina vaguely recalls neuvillette's age as a result of hu tao saying that neuvillette has so much room to grow. i didn't know there was so much controversy around it because from the very beginning it was made clear that furina knew he was the sovereign. you may interpret the text as you want. both cn/jp say that he's at least a thousand years old while the english translation say he's several thousands which, both in essence, are not wrong. furina counting his previous dragon incarnations into his current one isn't anything new, at least to me.

regardless, i'm happy furina got to spend time with zhongli. they're good friends now.

[katnissdoesnotfollowback]

It's Reaping Day! May the odds be ever in your favor.

Do you think it’s significant that the Reaping is on USA's Independence Day?

Do you think Reaping of 74th Hunger Games is rigged? Yes/No? Why?

If the reaping could be rigged. Who do you think participate in this collaboration?

Thank you :)

@curiousnonny

Don't mind me. Just answering asks from months ago, @curiousnonny.

OF COURSE IT'S SIGNIFICANT. If we've learned anything about Suzanne Collins by reading and dissecting her books, it should be that she loves a good symbol. And whoop. There's a big freaking symbol. Other than the sheer irony of taking a day known as INDEPENDENCE day in the USA and turning it into a spectacle of oppression, there's the reason that Independence Day even exists when it does. It doesn't celebrate any significant battle or law. It commemorates the signing of... A protest document. A protest document that begins:

When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for the people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Law's of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness -- That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their powers from the consent of the governed -- That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.

The Declaration of Independence goes on, but the basic gist of it is the idea that a government exists to ensure the rights of its people, not to abuse its power by denying them their rights, and it boldly claims that when all else fails, when the government refuses to listen and repeatedly ignores those rights or abuses its power, then the people living under that government had both the Right and the Responsibility to change things. So yes, it is very significant that Collins chose the date commemorating the signing of this document to be the single most significant date in the world of Panem. She's telling us, unequivocally, that the people of Panem have every right and responsibility to overthrow and rebel against their Capitol... now here's a ridiculously heartbreaking story to explain why it's still gonna suck and be difficult, and you may lose more than you think you can bear, but in the end, it will be worth it if you've made your world better.

Is the 74th Reaping rigged? No. Nope nope noooooope. I am firmly in the camp of people who refuse to believe that the Reaping of the 74th Hunger Games is rigged. At least not in District 12. I have no doubt that, like Katniss tells us in Catching Fire, there are Reapings that are rigged, especially to put the kids of Victors who may be causing problems, into the arena. That sounds like something Snow would do.

But see, 12 isn't really causing Snow and the Capitol a lot of trouble until Katniss volunteers. I mean sure, Katniss breaks the law by hunting all the time, but there's an entire black market in 12. She's not the only one hunting in the woods or going over the fence to get the resources just at the tree line. She's not visible outside of 12. I don't see Snow concerning himself with one pesky child until she actually starts causing trouble across Panem.

And in a lot of ways, Snow leaves 12 alone until after the Victory Tour. It isn't until Thread shows up to start cracking down, and Gale is whipped and Mrs. Everdeen says to Haymitch. "It's starting again then. Like before." Which suggests that for the six months between the Games and the Tour, it's been relatively business as usual in 12.

So no, I don't think 12's reaping is rigged for the 74th Games. Besides that, the real reason it doesn't sit well in my brain is because if it is rigged, that subverts the cruelty of the odds game that Collins has set up for her characters to play. Based on the odds, it SHOULDN'T be Prim and Peeta's names who are drawn. But the point is... even if your name is only in there once, or five times, compared to Katniss's 20 and Gale's 42, your name is still in there. The odds only make you THINK you have a chance at making it through. It's that tiny little bit of hope that the odds will be in your favor, so why risk the far more dangerous and likely to get you killed act of, oh I don't know, rebelling against and overthrowing your government.

The randomness of it makes it more meaningful to have Prim and Peeta's names drawn, so I choose to believe that Collins meant for that significance and meaning out of the randomness, to highlight just how unjust it really is, rather than some conspiracy plot against Katniss/Prim/the Everdeens, what have you.

[myfandomrambles]

Not to be an asshole but like just because David Tennant/Tenth Doctor had the best viewing numbers of NuWho doesn't actually mean he's sooo uber special better than the others.

Like every doctor before and after he actually matters. Some of those doctors are beloved by like a lot of people.

It somehow just feels icky to me to pick up with David Tennant and Davies and like what? Fuck 11, war, 12 and 13?

Chibnall was bad enough about kind of feeling like he was snubbing 11 & 12's eras.

Like obviously you had misogyny and racism problems under Moffat. And we must, must speak up about that and make sure the show does better. And no he didn't stick the landing every time, The Wedding of River Song sucks. But like there were a shit ton of people involved in those years who like fucking put their heart and soul into that.

Matt Smith & Peter Capaldi along with all the companion actors (plus Gomez) deserve some goddamn respect. I do have just some big emotional attachment to 11 & 12 yes. I also however do not think every story under them was bad. They had extremely good stories! Like season 10 might not be popular but fuck does it kick me in the feels.

But like it's not like all the Tennant hype only affects Moffat's writing if you happen to hate him. This does feel insulting to Ecelston as well. I know he hates the BBC so like I get he wouldn't come back to the main show (his audios rock btw).

This whole thing also feels sketch because you're sticking him in between your first female doctor and your first main doctor to be played by a person of colour. Like do you just not trust that Ncuti Gatwa will be good enough to make people watch? Do you not trust your own writers (even your own writing) to be compelling unless you bring David Tennant back and give him a whole other marketing number (and the numbers, while sort of ridiculous at this if you look through canon, do have meaning to the fans)? Not to mention a new costume (No I don't mean he has to wear the exact same clothes if they don't fit but you can sew a copy of the same design again) and a whole big announcement about him getting a new Sonic. The costumes and sonics are HUGE signs for fans. Like people collect the fucking sonics you have the old ones referenced in the show, it's a whole part of 12's identity crises with the shades and the new sonic after re-accepting the doctor after losing Clara. The TARDIS can make these for The Doctor or The Doctor makes their own. It's a whole thing!

Also, do they have to also fuck with Donna's ending? Really? I get some people do the whole "Donna deserved better" shtick but her ending is heartbreaking, well-written, well-acted and done just so well. Sad can be okay! I'm with Ashildir on this one, It was sad and beautiful. (Yes she's not referring to Donna but the principle stands)

Also like, The Doctor fucks people's lives up. Donna wasn't the first up Companions to have shit destroyed by The Doctor!

In the words of Martha Jones:

You need to be careful, because you know the Doctor's wonderful and he's brilliant, but he's like fire. Stand too close and people get burned (TV: Sonatarn Strategem)

Like Journeys End aired in 2008! Could we just let the story stand on it's merits?

I realise the culture of like the media in the 2010s & 2020s is just fuck with shit that should have been left alone. I mean I guess if we're doing a distribution w/ Disney we might as well follow their storytelling formula.

I mean remember the whole Time Lord victouris project? Like I'm obsessed w/ Doctor Who and have been into the EU for a long time I didn't even try and keep up with it. It was like the high republic franchise in Star Wars so hard to keep up w/ the story when you have to get so many disparate pieces of media. And again it's all Ten focused.

Honestly, I have always loved Ten. minus all this fuckery he is fantastic. And i will go to the bat i don't think he's a fuck boy. but I also like am perpetually gonna be annoyed at him.

Being a money maker does not actually define the quality of the story in every case.

[amplexadversary]

More Utena, ep 33, 30-32, 34, 35

WELL THAT'S AN EPISODE YOU HAVE TO WATCH TWICE

Clever to make the bulk of it a clip show then.

----

30-32 were also a lot. I'm not sure I have much commentary because what happens in those kind of speaks for itself.

I mean, there were a lot of "holy fucks" uttered, the monkey-catching robot from the shadow chorus reappeared, and more saucers dropped, but none of that was really what sticks in the mind!

-----------

Obviously the show has been building Akio as a fucking problem, that's no question and very much a captain obvious take. But that sure did come to a head over these episodes.

-----------------

I guess one question I have is about the apple and a seemingly out-of-it Kanae. I suppose Akio would be doing shady shit to her too in addition to Anthy. And Utena. And potentially Wakaba. And whatever was going on with Tokiko. And with Kanae's mom.

Honestly the thing with Tokiko was probably the least inherently fucked-up of all of those because all but two of them are fucking high schoolers, and I think fucking your fiancee's very married mom is a bit more messed-up than making out with someone who is merely in a relationship.

Also I think we can conclude where Touga learned that fucking tactic from, yecch.

--------------------

Oh hey, it's the shadow chorus, in the flesh. Ofc they're the drama club.

So this play. It's meant to cast suspicion onto Anthy? But she's clearly the victim here. Or maybe it's demonstrating what everyone else thinks of Anthy. It's pretty common for the majority to blame the victim of something for instigating it, even when it's a completely ridiculous claim.

And now Akio's taking steps to isolate his victims. Casting doubt on Utena's relationship with Anthy, and on her principles.

-------------------------------

So Anthy has to suffer for telling someone (apparently the prince's name is Dios) to take care of himself? To not work himself to death doing... whatever it was he was doing? For telling the people who were asking for more than he could give to fuck off?

She gets to be treated like an object for that? Beaten by various people for that? She gets to be raped for that??? Fuck all of these fucking people.

---------------------------------------

All those swords that flashback!Anthy got impaled by, but it's Dios's sword that comes out of her chest.

Also, "the prince she loves is no longer the prince she knew" does that mean that Akio is Dios? Apparently he did something to make that sword stop appearing so I'm more sad than surprised.

Did. Did Anthy do something to stop her brother from being raped as a child? Is he perpetuating the cycle of abuse?

---------------------------------------------------

The fact that the "something eternal" that each of the duelists was shown was something horrifying explains some of their behavior. Miki in particular, and Saionji (though that doesn't change the fact that he himself deliberately hurt Anthy. Shitweasel.)

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay, so the earrings are one last attempt to push Utena away from being a "prince" by pushing her towards being a "woman." Also, confirmation through the Greek Chorus that Touga has genuinely caught feelings, this time, though perhaps more for an imagined Utena than the real one.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It is bedtime for me so I'll watch the remaining episodes in the morning I think.

[j-adorejy]

Thoughts about Titans ep 4

I really liked the 4th episode because it showed character building in a way ... like some people might say thus episode was for nothing but it gave us more insights on the OG Titans relationship in a sense. Im kind of sad we dont have any idea on what happened to Jason but oh well.

DickDawn's relationship is pretty cute. I dont ship them but the hate Dawn gets is ridiculous. I know a lot of people feel the need to hate on Dawn on principle but I feel like they're taking things out of context. When Dawn tells Dick to not be batman she meant it in a way that she likes Dick for himself and not cause of the bat. When she tells him to be batman in the end, she most likely meant it as being like batman and avenging Garth. It's totally two different things. And then where Dick implies that Dawn is using him as a rebound and Garth telling him that this is not the case, I think it just means to show us that Dick and Dawn liked each other but Dick didn't want to fall in too deep. And really it doesn't matter anyhow because they're still friends who have each other's back after breaking up.

DonnaGarth is just plain tragedy. I can't deny it but they did both Donna and Garth dirty. Like bringing Garth in for just one ep only to kill him. And God Donna ! Donna is so guarded in this ep which makes it a bit weird since we know her for her fun sarcastic personality. But at the same time it makes sense since she was probably crushing hard on Garth and did not want to get into a relationship when she was only leaving in a few months. She finally accepts to be with Garth only for him to die at that moment I cant. They had to make it more tragic by making Garth in love with her since they were 12 like seriously.

And Dawn and Donna's friendship is literally goals. Like she knows when to call Donna out and make her face her fears. She also comforts her after what happens at the airport

[itoshit]

Pushing the paper into my pocket I knocked twice.

'Sano'

The big doors opening, I saw the numerous armed men around the red sofa, where a tanned man was sat, smoking a cigar. The room was full of thick smoke.

'Sano my man! Come here come here. Anything to drink ? Bourbon perhaps?'

'Dante I assume?'

'You assumed good! Dante is my name. You don't mind my men right? Security measures.'

That was where the difference laid between an international mafia like La Costra Nostra and small gangs that I've met before.

They had an army of men, and it made me think of Bonten. We weren't that different at the end.

'Concerning the drink, I won't take anything. And for your men, I would have done the same.'

Quickly counting them, 25. We were on the first floor and a huge window was behind them.

'Scared of poison? I got you. Then sit, we won't lose more time'

Now facing him and his men I could feel the tension. I could even cut the atmosphere with a knife. Chin resting on my hands, I was waiting for him to talk.

'So Sano. You're Bonten's leader. My boss and I have checked your history and it's quite incredible. Bonten is Japan's worst criminal organization, we like that. I'm afraid I need to be honest with you. We have already contacts with the Yamaguchi-gumi. They're the top Yakuza family, it was normal for us to be with them. However, some things... are not of our taste. They're a bit sneaky and we don't like people who get their noses in other's business. The issue here is this one.'

Checking the time on my watch. 7 minutes have passed.

'They heard about our meeting today. Their boss asked us to take care of you and-'

Ready to take my gun out, Dante only chuckled while rising his hands.

'Don't be on your guards already Sano! Wait for the rest. Put that gun back where it belongs, come on'

'Keep talking'

Exhaling the smoke he took his time to resume his speech.

'As I was saying, the Yamaguchi-gumi wants you dead. But you haven't done anything to us yet. La Costra Nostra doesn't like hurting their future associates but we have principles. We help our current contacts.'

11 minutes. 4 minutes left.

'Which means that I've to try something. I want to see if you're a worthy opponent. We wanted to break the contract with Yamaguchi-gumi. That would be the perfect opportunity for us, Bonten and La Costra Nostra, to associate don't you think?'

13 minutes. 2 minutes left.

'But first... I need to check something. I've heard a lot about you. How you were called the Invincible Mikey back then. A ruthless leader. I like that! But I need proof. So...'

14 minutes. 1 minute left.

'Don't hold a grudge alright?'

Multiple things happened at the same time. Dante pulled out his gun aiming at me but I rolled on my left, avoiding the bullet.

Shooting two of his subordinates in the process I heard the door opening in a loud thud.

'Sano!! Fight!'

'And here you are!! I knew a mouse was among us tonight !!'

Gunshots could be heard, blood splashing my face, my clothes. Bodies falling on the ground, I guessed that the girl from before had arrived.

She told me to fight. But that was what I was doing already.

Throwing the empty gun away I punched the nearest man with a loud crack and took his pistol. Using his body as a shield I kept shooting and soon enough I found myself bumping her shoulder.

'Fuck ! I don't have anymore bullets!'

Scanning the room- 10 men still standing and among them, Dante.

'Come on Sano. You're trapped. I don't think-'

I wouldn't have that. Pulling her close by her waist I shoved the body away and ran to the window.

'Wait Manjiro that's not how you-'

'We don't have a choice!'

And I jumped. Bullets hissing around me I felt one piercing my belly and others brushing my skin, opening it slightly.

The landing wouldn't be perfect but we would make it out alive, at least.

Swapping our positions to have her on top of me, my back absorbed the fall. My shoulder was probably dislocated but I stood up directly after with her in my arms.

' We have to leave, come on!!'

Supporting me with her arms we left the sidewalk, stains of blood tainting the concrete.

'SANO! YOU'LL HEARD ABOUT US AGAIN'

The loud voice reaching my ears I stumbled, gripping my belly.

'Shit you're losing too much blood! I need to treat your-'

Pinning her against the nearest wall after making sure they didn't follow us, I pressed my arm against her throat, choking her.

'Who the fuck are you?'

'I'm here to help-'

'Who. Are. You.'

'Senju Akashi. But now is not the right time to discuss. We have to- wait. You were shot twice?? We have-'

Darkness. I felt something colliding with my skull. I probably fainted.

And here I told Vee that everything would be fine.

-Mikey

Anyway here is the second part it's bloody long lmao sometimes the scenes got a bit overboard but yeah, we're not finished with this.

Also!! In the plot, Senju isn't Brahman leader

it’s like the moment i tell these mfs be safe they go ‘how can i do the exact opposite?’ 🙄

I couldn’t sit still. A few hours had passed without a single hint or sign Mikey was okay, or that he was even alive. I tried to pass the time any way I could.

I showered. I tried on some clothes, modeling them in the mirror. I watched TV. I played games on my phone. None of them kept my attention too long, the thought of Mikey’s safety or lack thereof looming over me like a storm cloud. And when all avenues of distraction ceased having their effectiveness, I started to pace.

I nearly walked a hole in the floor, and kept walking even though my legs screamed in protest. There was temptation to start biting at my nails, a wicked one, but I persevered. I’d gone too long without the bad habit. Didn’t wanna start it up again.

There was no way to tell how much time passed since he left now. I stopped checking the clock after the third hour. It only made me more nervous.

I all but sob in relief when my phone rings shrill on the table, but my heart falls at the contact name. Sanzu. Clicking the green button, I don’t care to notice that I’m holding my breath.

Wasting no time, Sanzu interrogates me. Is Mikey with you?

Huh? Surely wasn’t the question I was expecting, but it makes me feel no better.

Is. Mikey. With you. He was supposed to check in with us an hour ago but we haven’t got shit.

My heart pounds, the orders Mikey left me with the day previous doing nothing to ease the unsteady beat. If I’m not home by then, call Sanzu. I’ll most likely be dead. And then, as overkill, memories of us in the car, shopping and us being lazy in bed the entire morning come right after.

Could it be..? Was Mikey really dead?

I look around the suite, the one he bought, surrounded by bags of things he purchased, the bed with his scent on it and struggle to swallow the sob down. If Mikey was dead, these would be our last memories together. That just couldn’t be.

Venus? Venus, can you hear me?

I answer steadily which surprises me. Y-yeah, I’m here.

Where the fuck did you ev— Look, just tell me the truth. Is Mikey back at the suite?

What I’m about to do is dangerous, inane, and ridiculously silly, but I do it anyway. He’s here.

Put him on the phone.

I bite my lip, ignore my subconscious screaming at me to tell the fucking truth! consequently digging a larger grave for myself. He’s resting.

Resting? Cut the bullshit. Mikey doesn’t sleep.

Well he is now, I snap, irritated that he doesn’t immediately believe the lie. It makes me have to think on the spot. How can I give myself credibility? Then, like a lightbulb went off in my head, I remember Mikey’s bloody knuckles. The bandages I had to wrap around his hand. He’s injured. The meeting went bad. I had to stitch him up.

Fuck, Sanzu curses. I knew we should have went with him! There’s a loud bang accompanied by glass shattering on the other end, inanimate objects subject to the wrath of Bonten’s volatile number 2. Call me when he wakes up, alright?

The line clicks before I can even reply, and I fall to the ground, my legs too shaky to support me.

Please be alive, I whisper to the ceiling, hoping it reaches him wherever he is.

Because if he’s not, I’m pretty sure I’ll be the one following after him.

[isaacathom]

to that end

so ive basically been thinking, for a bit, about what Florian wants. because for Naielle, what she wants is painfully obvious - reunion with her fiancee. She wants to do good, and she wants to go home. For zimri its a little vaguer, but they want to own a bookshop (again), and they want to know why everything has happened to them (the what is important, but mostly the why).

Florian? he's got his objective, like the Quest and Shit. hes not really in this for personal reasons, he was hired. for a job. and now the principle sees him keep going forward, because his integrity means something to him. but, yknow. the quest is gonna get them killed, dude. everything they learn about what awaits them is 'oh, we're fucked, we are going to die'. to keep going, does that seem like a man with a goal in life?

and thats the bit. florians a short term guy. this quest is the most long term he's had to think in a while, and even then its just 'okay first we go here, we Learn Stuff Somehow, then we head here and try not to die' incredible. thats your plan? thats your master plan? fucking incredible. if they succeed, if they survive and loot the treasury, then what? he wont think that far ahead, or he'll think on an extremely small scale. go to a nice inn, get real nice food. drink himself stupid for a bit. and then ? ??

he doesnt even really have a hobby :( he defines HIMSELF entirely by his ability to fight, his combat prowess, because of the circumstances of his life. and even as he grows over the course of the campaign, has become a responsible guy who clearly gives a shit, who clearly IS more than a man with a sword, he would not define himself that way. what does he do in his spare time? he does chores. he sharpens his sword. he fetches water from the well. he buys groceries. what is 'relaxing' really. its all productivity, its all to serve an end.

If he couldn't fight, who would he be? and i explored that a bit in a post where i wrote about various AU Florian's based on what combination of three events had occurred to him (a false criminal accusation as a young boy, his fathers debt, and his enlistment in the temerian army). and there i said that, if his fighting ability was off the table, he would likely be a servant, doing odd jobs. but those aus were florians who either never had his fighting prowess or lost is a lot younger. canonical Florian de Kasimir is 34.

so thats a question i find hard to answer. hes not quite good enough with his hands at this stage to be like, a craftsman or handyman. he doesnt really enjoy reading. he enjoys art, but not creating it (certainly he's not tried in years). music? hunting? and thats basically it, yknow. like, he'd probably be a decent hunter of deer and stuff. but that would, to a point, necessitate settling down. and where? with whom?

florian cannot answer those questions, and wouldn't think to ask. and im asking, and we've got nothing. i can picture lives that florian would enjoy or be suited to, but he wouldn't try for them. (to be fair, a few of them involve him becoming a father, and while i KNOW he'd be a good dad, he sure the fuck doesn't think so, so, You Know).

a long running phrase ive had for him, with regards to his life, is "just because i expect to lose it, doesn't mean i'm going to throw it away". and while thats true, and he believes that sincerely, to an extent he's lying. he throws it away by not imagining something else for himself. its ridiculous shit. im mad that i cant imagine him with hobbies. my fucking guy needs to learn to play a flute or some shit. i want him to be able to find a peaceful life somewhere. or something, because he wont tell me what he actually wants. absolute shit.

truly the biggest swerve would be if he comes to the conclusion that what he wants is to live, because man. yikes. like good for you but yikes that you had to come to this, like you werent already there?? yeesh.

there was then gonna be a big ramble about which of my three main ocs is tender but like, its naielle > florian > zimri, which is entirely because naielle Is Nice, Has Friends, Has a Fucking Fiancee, and is a healer. tenderness is infinitely available. its not her primary thing, but shes fully there. if she ever has to pop revivify on someone, that shits going to be so soft and gentle. she's healed people very softly. she's just. naielles good. there's a limit to the exact vibe im thinking of but thats what backstory content is for, baby

instead of being ~productive~ and doing my hw ive just been sitting here thinking about my ocs :)