#it's not really a discussion tho. more or less just mentioned but definitely not hidden so I'm tagging it anyway.

[kyogre-blue]

SS is done.

The most standout part: I got the Rhea S rank. It was good. I support it, but I wish there was a gen version and also that it was available on VW. My general impression is that VW actually gives you more chances to ask after and worry for Rhea (plus Claude is a rather meh romance option), so it would be great if I could get with her there too.

In general, I wish VW and SS were just one route. Both have some nice small details, but given how similar they are, I feel like you'd get a better experience if they were just combined.

Checking my VW endgame notes, it seems VW gives you info dump about Agartha, which definitely feels missing in SS, and SS gives you a bit more detail about Byleth's deal from Rhea, which adds some nice details on the Rhea relationship front. Seriously, they should have just combined them.

(Hilariously, Catherine's endcard outright contradicts the paired Rhea one. They are incompatible, but I got both. Additionally, Ingrid's card seems to be written for Crimson Flower, since it mentions Galatea being "seized" and Ingrid needing to push strongly to be allowed to govern it, which comes across weirdly as a post-war in the Byleth-led United Kingdom, especially since the other Lions kids I recruited all got their lord positions without any apparent fuss.)

Overall, not much else to say about SS. Final take: SS and VW are really obviously the same route, but even though SS was supposedly written first, VW feels marginally better in its focus and I enjoyed it more. However, the Rhea stuff specifically is good, and I wish I could get it on VW. Yup.

Final save file time: 95:19. Minus the VW playthrough, it's 44:07, so a bit faster. Specifically post-route split, it's 20:16, so it seems like the part that I finished faster was actually just Academy phase, possibly because I just didn't care much for the BE kids.

Liveblogging notes:

Looking closely at the battle selection screen, it seems Shambhala is at the very eastern tip of the Empire. There's a bit of mountain that stretches down from the Throat across Airmid River, and it seems to be there.

Narration calls it a "sprawling underground city."

Thales was kind of a chump!

Ah, I just realized I forgot to check his X description blurbs. They probably weren't too interesting tho.

The Agarthans are super mad about living underground and not having "light." Thales also name drops Agartha in his battle line vs Seteth and in the cutscene afterwards. Aside from their ability description, I think this is probably the first time their proper name is mentioned. But we uh, don't seem to discuss this much?

Small scene with Nemesis's coffin is missing, I think. Well, obviously because he's not the final boss now. iirc the scene immediately after the month change, with everyone freaking out over Rhea is new instead. It's a little weird because iirc VW gives you more opportunities to express concern for her. Here, the Rhea focus feels a bit less supported.

Seteth didn't realize you already knew that Rhea is the Immaculate One (which you did, btw).

Seteth "long ago" lost the power to change form, but "it seems" Rhea has not. My dude, did you not know... He does confirm that he's also a child of the goddess, which Rhea keeps hidden in VW. Flayn is also counted as one of the children of the goddess, even though she's more like a grandchild. It's a general term for dragons.

Seteth and Flayn press Byleth about taking over as the leader of Fodlan in some capacity, now that Rhea's future is uncertain.

We find the Sword and Bow of Zoltan in Shambhala. I was wondering about whether these things existed, since Zoltan is a dude that got namedropped in a small quest item description a while back. I also have an Axe of Zoltan though I can't remember exactly where I picked it up. No spear?

Just noting that you use Arcane Crystals to repair magical weapons like the Bolt Axe, Mythril to repair sacred weapons like Cichol's Spear of Assal, and Umbral Steel for relics. Mythril is also used on forging the rusted weapons that require A+ professor rank. iirc they're legendary weapons from other games or something like that. Smithing Stones are for normal weapons of all rarities.

On VW, this month was about Nemesis appearing and us going to fight him, but here on SS, that doesn't happen, so the explore dialogue is all about Seteth telling us that we should become the new Ruler of Fodlan and us taking the month to think about it. Everyone around the monastery comments on this, how we should think about it carefully, how they believe in us, how they're thinking about the future, etc. It's... hm. I think it's okay, but it really highlights how much Byleth has not been setup for this role At All.

They're a mercenary who became a teacher via nepotism and while we do things in the story that you could probably read as proof of Byleth's ability to lead, they don't really feel that way, especially since Seteth can end up spending half the war refusing what we suggest. Byleth is also just... not a real character. So them becoming the big deal leader is kinda... yeah.

Anyway, I accidentally ended the month early. But whatever.

Before you tell Rhea your "decision," she gives you exposition about how she made you and Sothis's crest stone is in you. She wanted to see Sothis again and thought she could regain everything she had lost.

Sitri was Rhea's 12th attempt. She "grew up" without Sothis's consciousness and fell in love with Jeralt. But when she gave birth, the child was not breathing and she herself was also "in grave danger." Sitri told Rhea to take the crest stone from her and put it into her baby. Otherwise, both would have died.

Byleth is suggested to be able to house Sothis's consciousness because they have both the crest stone and a body born from a parent with Rhea's blood.

Rhea is aware that Sothis gave you her power and disappeared, which means Rhea's dearest wish did not come true, but she's accepting of that. She basically entrusts Fodlan and the future to you.

And she just flips out in the middle of that.

"White Beasts" appear all over the monastery. They are from priests and knights that Rhea shared her blood and "stones" with. Tho given how JP plurals work, it's impossible to tell if Rhea is meant to have one crest stone or several. Demonic Beasts also run in??

Enemies are Frenzied Church Soldiers with minor crests of Seiros, Altered Golems, White Beasts (cardinal that has transformed and gone mad due to the rage of the Immaculate One) with Blest Crest Stone Shards (bestowed by a saint and wielded as a weapon), and the Immaculate One herself. She has a crest stone of Serios, can recover HP when near a White Beast and is described as having been driven to an uncontrollable anger due to the power of the goddess.

This battle was annoying because of the Classic setting. The whole business with Rhea having a private army of people whom she shared blood with is, hm. But I get the feeling this was done purely to explain her battle having the same mechanics as with Nemesis and the 10 Elites. It's... an interesting tidbit that these cardinals and such exist, but kinda weird that the crest of Seiros is actually this common, especially since they can ALL presumably pass it down to their kids, and I would expect Rhea had done this for more than just one generation.

(funny concept: after a thousand years of Rhea just sharing her blood all over, a good three quarters of Fodlan has some Seiros crest blood and it manifests pretty much at random in people all over.)

Anyway, final blow by Flayn.

OK, enough screwing around. tbh I do like Rhea, so there's some emotional resonance in everyone being very worried about her and having little voicelines about how they want to pay back the debts they owe to her, and her sadness and suffering and all that. It's not the worst.

She mistakes Byleth for Sothis when collapsing in the cathedral.

They did make a mistake: Rhea transforms in her dressing gown without the mantle or headpiece, but she changes back in full archbishop regalia.

The post-battle exposition exposition is kinda... ah yes, all nations in Fodlan are gone, but you see the Church is leading people toward a new... nation? How does this work. Sorry, but I don't see a religious government (??) as a good thing.

Rhea says she had a vision of flying free and speaking with Sothis while near death. She's happy she survived... so am I.

Rhea's wish was for peace, but she admits fault in propagating a false history and deceiving the faithful. And she did a bit of forbidden experimentation on the side, obvs. We forgive her tho.

I wish there was a gen way to save her, without the romance. It's such a good coda, honestly, without the marriage.

I wish Byleth was a more concrete character. Not necessarily a super detailed one, but with at least some grounding traits.

Still, Rhea romance scene is pretty good. WAY better than Flayn. Why can't I do this on VW..........

Endings: Ashe takes over Gaspard as the new lord. Galatea was "seized" what the heck, though Ingrid did rule it. Felix still ended up Duke Fraldarius. Sylvain talked his way into peace with Sreng, good on him. Lindhart "escaped the Empire" but went missing. Dorothea fled with her troupe to a secret location. Petra went to Brigit. Caspar fell on a battlefield. Bernadetta because seriously ill and lived as a recluse. Ferdinand returned to his territory but went missing. Catherine became Guardian of Zanado, but why was she shaking up with MY wife in solitude? Because in the ending card with Byleth, Rhea is still archbishop and assists the leader of the new "United Kingdom of Fodlan." Shamir became Robin Hood. Alois became captain of the knights. Seteth became very tolerant lol

[not-kayvalencourt]

Alright, I'll bite. What's the "Mirror Realm" you talked about in the tags to your last post?

Also I'm pretty sure you have the ability to go Anon is off

Oh, shit, really? I'll have to fix that when I get the chance, could have sworn it was on.

ANYWAY mr is relatively new compared to fr, since I just started developing it a couple weeks ago or so. I had seen a post a while ago talking about the way Rise changes up the age order (if I ever find it again, I'll link it!) and how it might influence future generations of tmnt. A couple questions were posed: "What if Donnie was the oldest?" And "What if Mikey was the oldest?"

(Long post ahead, it's segmented into four parts with the juice in the middle >:))

And So, It Begins...

Biting off far more than I can chew.

I wanted to tackle Donnie first (my initial plan was to come up with a few ideas, do some for Mikey as well, and then move on with my life buuuut, ADHD says "haha, funny au go brr" and I've hyperfixated on Donnie's part ever since), so I started with the basics.

-Mutant turtles

-Rat man ninja

Simple. I just have to spice it up a little. I've already started on the first part in making Donnie the oldest, but I wants to add a couple more little tweaks. At the moment, the age order goes (oldest-youngest): Donnie, Raph, Mikey, Venus, Leo.

"Why is Leo the youngest?", you may be asking. Because I thought it was funny. I had also brought up the AU to a friend when I first started development and he- jokingly- suggested adding a fifth turtle. I remembered Venus and Jennika, immediately working them into the universe, as one does.

Angsty-ass Backstory

Beating up fictional characters as a love language.

I knew I really wanted to go ham with the backstory. There was the standard "pet turtles turned mutants in freak accident", but I wanted to take this idea on my own joyride.

Hamato Yoshi and his wife, Hamato Miwa, ship themselves far away from their home of [unspecified location], Okinawa, Japan, to the wonderous city of New York. Okay, maybe not as wonderous as the brochures had put it, but Miwa was happy; and, if Miwa was happy? So was Yoshi.

Sure, he had some regrets moving across the Pacific Ocean and North America- his sister Karai was left alone, still busy grieving over their late father. Yoshi had been hoping to talk to her, or at least get a sign that she didn't truly resent him. The passing of Hamato Shō wasn't pretty, but it was no one's fault, surely she wasn't mad about that? It had already been so long. There was no need.

Whatever. Yoshi had Miwa, and together they had one son. Yoshi had always loved the work of the Renaissance Era, a few artists and works he was particularly infatuated with- it was difficult to pick just one! Eventually, though, he settled on Donatello, after Donato di Niccolò di Betto Bardi. He found the long name amusing, and while it's shortened on the boy's birth certificate, Yoshi would still call for him with it whenever he was in trouble- the amusing name working in the kid's favor, as Yoshi could never take himself seriously.

Donnie was quite tall for his age, growing up, but he still fit in perfectly with his classmates. Great grades (the kid was hardly five, it's not as though the work was difficult), a huge imagination, and most importantly- a cheery, light-up-your-world smile that won every battle.

His most endearing trait, Yoshi found, was the child's ability to get dirty, no matter what. He would come home with bandaged and bruised knees covered in grass, despite New York's general lack of grass for his knees to get covered in, but it was always there. His elbows matched, caked in dirt and debris and band-aids featuring whatever little character was popular at the time. Miwa often joked about how he would likely knock out all of his baby teeth before the others had a chance to grow in.

But he was having fun. He had many friends he'd rough-house with, but all in good spirit- not once did he run to his parents after school without a grin on his face.

Of course, all good things must come to an end.

Angsty-ass Backstory: The Sequel

Taking every previous turtles's greatest fear and turning it into these ones' reality.

Donnie had recently learned about turtles in class one day, suddenly deciding that he needed one right now, or else his life wouldn't be complete.

Their apartment's "No Pets" rule just so happened to not include said reptiles; and besides! Miwa and Yoshi both had their fair share of pets as kids, what was the harm in one? Sure, turtles lived quite a while, but they both had uncanny faith in this option. Something short-lived, like a rat, would be preferred; but Donnie certainly had a way with words- as well as their contract- despite hardly living a full decade.

The turtle would be going with Donnie wherever it could, anyway. It was more or less his problem, and the responsibility could help teach him something, Yoshi reasoned. Miwa seemed weary, but allowed it nevertheless.

Maybe Miwa should have listened when her gut told her it shouldn't happen.

One moment, it's a domestic, relatively chill moment at the pet store- the next, it's cold, metallic hands holding the Hamatos's wrists like it would cure cancer.

I wrote a short fic about this (tw for needles, discussions of human experimentation, and drawing blood), just barely 1k words, and it's not exactly up-to-date at the moment, but fairly accurate to canon. I loved the Kraang being this big, scary villain in Rise and wanted to channel that, but using 2k12 Kraang's numbers. I had also, in my research about previous tmnt generations, discovered a scientist called Harold Lilja and thought he'd be a fun addition, alongside Null Laboratories.

What exactly is up with the Kraang, Lilja and Null Labs is something I don't wanna spoil just yet >:) I also still sorta need to work on it lmao. But, after stuff happens, a 7 y/o mutant turtle suddenly has four siblings and is down a parent. Whoopsies.

After the destruction of Null, they find themselves in the sewers, with no more home to return to. Donnie and Miwa are both extremely aware of the dangers of being on the surface, knowing that they, too, would be terrified at the sight of human/animal hybrids roaming the streets of NYC.

Well, maybe that actually was pretty tame compared to the other stuff, but God knows what would happen if other scientists got ahold of them, and neither certainly didn't want to relive that.

Now what?

Purposefully leaving unanswered questions so they can find their way into my inbox.

I still have so much more to talk about, but it's two past midnight and I have school and a concert today, so I'll attempt to get my five remaining possible hours of sleep while I can. In the meantime, I'll make quick work of switching anon back on and would love to see if anyone takes interest in this AU. I'll quick make a tag as well, and just about anything related to it (asks, posts, fanworks?..) will be put under that tag.

Buenos noches, buenas tardes o buenas días,

Kay

[felassan]

Some DA trivia and dev commentary from Twitter

There’s a lot of different tweets, so I’m just pasting and linking to the source rather than screencapping them all or making several different posts or something. Post under cut for length.

User: Was dragon age 2 your favourite in the franchise?

David Gaider: DA2 was the project where my writing team was firing on all cylinders, and they wrote like the wind- because they had to! Second draft? Pfft. Plot reviews? Pfft. I was so proud of what we all accomplished in such a brief time. I didn't think it was possible. [source] DA2 is, however, also where the goal posts kept moving. Things kept getting cut, even while we worked. I had to write that dialogue where Orsino turned even if you sided with him, because his boss battle had been cut and there was no time to fix the plot. A real WTF moment. >:( [source]

Mike Rousseau: I remember bugging that! And then being told it wasn't a bug, and being so confused. Doing QA for DA2 was an experience. Trial by fire. [source]

DG: So I think it's safe to say DA2 is my favorite entry in the DA franchise and also the sort of thing I never want to live through ever again. Mixed feelings galore. [source]

User: (I personally blame whoever it was for ruining most romance arcs in other games for me; they don't live up to Fenris's romance storyline)

DG: I wrote Fenris, so uh - me, I guess? Or maybe his cinematic designer, who put in the puppy dog eyes. [source]

User: If DA2 had just been an expansion, do you think it would have been better received? There was a lot of great stuff in there, and I think my initial dislike of it was because of the zone reuse. If it hadn't needed to be a full game, would that issue not have arisen?

DG: Hard to say. It was either going to be an over-scoped expansion or an under-scoped sequel. If it had stayed an expansion, it might never have received the resources/push it DID get. [source]

User: I'd love to visit the universe where you had an extra year or so to work on it. You did a very good job as it stands, but it definitely had rough edges. Not just the writing team either. The whole game had hit and miss moments, that just a little more dev time could have fixed.

DG: On one hand, DA2 existed to fill a hole in the release schedule. More time was never in the cards. DA2 was originally planned as an expansion! On the other, if we had more time, would we have started doing that thing where we second guess/iterate ourselves into mediocrity? [shrug emoji] [source] 

Jennifer Hepler: This is what I love about DA2. Personally, I greatly prefer something that's rough and raw and sincere to something that's had all the soul polished out of it. Extra time would have helped for art and levels, but it would have lost something too. [source]

DG: Right? I think we could have used some time for peer reviews (and fewer cuts), but I think the rawness of the writing lent a certain spark that we usually polished out. [source]

JH: Definitely. I think the structure (more character-driven) and the tightness of the timeframe let each individual writer's voice really come through. Polish can be very homogenizing. [source]

DG: I should add I'm not, by any means, against iteration. Some iteration is good and necessary. The problem that BioWare often had is that we never knew when to stop. Like a goldfish, we would fill the space given to us by constantly re-iterating on things that were "good enough". [source]

Patrick Weekes: I appreciate your incredibly diplomatic use of the past tense on "had". :D [source]

User: DA2 was my gateway into the series and I’m so happy it is. I love the game the way that it is. It’s one of my favorites of all time. But I am also aware of everything that was said here. If it were remastered, do you think it would change?

DG: I'd be surprised if it was ever remastered. If it was, do you really think they'd change things? Do remasters do that? No idea. [source]

User: Both sides got undercut as I recall. Didn't that whole sequence also end with the mage leader embracing blood magic? It was very much "a plague on both your houses" moment, at least for me.

DG: Yep. Orsino was supposed to have his own version of Meredith's end battle, which only happened if you sided with the templars. That got cut, but the team still wanted to use the model we'd made for him. So... that happened. [source]

DG: I would personally say that DA2 is a fantastic game hidden under a mountain of compromises, cut corners, and tight deadlines. If you can see past all that, you'll see a fantastic game. I don't doubt, however, that it's very difficult for most to do that. [source]

PW: I love DAI with all my selfish "I worked on this" heart, but DA2's follower arcs and relationships are probably my favorite in the series. [source]

User: As I've expressed many times, I love the game, especially it's writing and characters but, for me, the most impressive aspect of it, in consideration of it's lack of time for drafts and revisions, is the 2nd act with Arishok.  What amazingly complex character and fantastic duel

User: Just played it again and I have to agree. Though he is bound by the harsher tenants of the Qun, he makes valid points about free marcher society. Though it is obvious that he and Hawke will come to blows eventually, the tension builds gradually and understandably

DG: Luke did such a fantastic job with the Arishok I found myself sometimes wishing the Qunari plot had just been THE plot. [source]

User: What do you think would have changed, story wise, if you had more time for DA2?

DG: I would have taken out that thing where Meredith gets the idol. It was forced on me because she needed to be "super-powered" with red lyrium for her final battle. Being "crazy", however, robbed her side of the mage/templar argument of any legitimacy. I hated hated hated that. [source]

User: I deeply lament that there wasn't/couldn't be some sort of DA2 equivalent of Throne of Bhaal's Ascension mod.

DG: I'd have done it, if DA2 had allowed for anything but the most rudimentary of modding. ;) [source]

User: I mean, and I think I understand where you were trying, but how much legitimacy did the Templars and her as top Templar have after they're keeping the mages locked up against their will in the old slave quarters? Feel free to not reply.

DG: I think it's the kind of discussion which requires nuance, and which discussions on the Internet are not prone to. [source]

User: Was a compromise that the quest lines don’t branch? It felt like it was supposed to be that way but then you end up in the same place later regardless of what you pick. Like I hoodwinked the templars so good to help the apostates escape but in Act II they were caught anyway.

DG: I remember us having a lot more branching in the initial planning yes. Most of this got trimmed out in the first or second wave of cuts, in an effort to not cut the plots altogether. [source]

DG: "If you could Zack Snyder DA2, what would you change?" Wow. I'm willing to bet Mark or Mike (or anyone else on the team) would give very different answers than me, but it's enough to give a sober man pause, because that was THE Project of Multiple Regrets. [source] I mean, it's the most hypothetical of hypotheticals. It's never gonna happen. I wouldn't be surprised if EA considered DA2 its embarrassing red-headed stepchild. We'd also need to ignore that in many ways DA2 was as good as it was bad BECAUSE of how it was made. But that aside? [source] First, either restore the progressive changes to Kirkwall we'd planned over the passing of in-game years or reduce the time between acts to months instead of years... which, in hindsight, probably should have been done as soon as the progressive stuff was cut. [source] I'm sure you're like "get rid of repeated levels!" ...but I don't care about that. All I wanted was for Kirkwall to feel like a bigger city. Way more crowded. More alive! Fewer blood mages. [source] I'd want to restore the plot where a mage Hawke came THIS close to becoming an abomination. An entire story spent trapped in one's own head while trapped on the edge of possession. Why? Because Hawke is the only mage who apparently never struggles with this. It was a hard cut. [source]

User: I would LOVE to hear more details about this! I don’t suppose there’s any chance of a short story?

DG: I don't even remember the details of the story, sorry. There was a fight, and you caught the bad guy and then realized none of it was real and woke up idk [source]

DG: I'd want to restore all those alternate lines we cut, meaning people forget they'd met you. Or that they knew you were a mage. Or, oh god, that maybe they'd romanced you in DAO. So much carnage. [source] I'd want to restore the Act 3 plots we cut only because they were worked on too late, but which would have made the buildup to the mage/templar clash less sudden. Though I don't remember what they were, now. Some never got beyond being index cards posted on the wall. [grimace emoji] [source] As I mentioned elsewhere, I'd want to restore Orsino's end battle so he wouldn't need to turn on you even if you sided with him. And I'd want an end fight with the templars that didn't require Meredith to have red lyrium and go full Tetsuo. [source] Heck, maybe an end decision where you sided with neither the mages nor the templars. Because it certainly ended up feeling like you could brand both sides as batshit pretty legitimately, no? That was never planned, tho. No idea how to make that feel like an actual path atm. [source] Maybe an option to go "umm, Anders... what are you DOING?" 👀 [source] And, of course, a Varric romance, because Mary took that "slimy car salesman" character we'd planned and did the impossible with him. I can feel Mary glaring at me for even suggesting this, tho. [source] Lastly, the original expanded opening to the game which allowed you to spend time with Bethany and Carver BEFORE the darkspawn attacked. And, um, that's about it off the top of my head. Zack Snyder, WHAT PANDORA'S BOX HAVE YOU OPENED. [source] Shit, I remembered two more things: 1) Restore the "Varric exaggerates the heck out of the story" at the beginning of every Act, until Cassandra calls him on it. Yes, that was a thing. 2) Make DA: Exodus. Yes, I am still bitter. [source] God damn it, I meant "Make DA: Exalted March". The DA2 expansion, NOT Exodus since that was DA2's original name and makes no sense. Because the expansion ended with Varric dying, and that will always be on my "things left undone" list. [source]

User: Whaaaat?

DG: Well, you know that scene in Wrath of Khan where Spock goes into the dilithium chamber because he's a Vulcan? Well, imagine that but with Varric and red lyrium and because he's a dwarf. ;) [source]

John Epler: I distinctly remember referencing the bit from MGS4 where you crawl through the microwave corridor in the split screen, while cinematic battle rages on the other half. [source]

DG: It would have been glorious, John. Glorious. [source]

JE: I don't think I've ever been so certain what a shot should look like as I did Hawke coming in and finding Varric in the broken throne, just like when he was telling Cassandra his story. [source]

DG: It would have come full circle! Auggghh, it still kills me. [source]

User: Lord, you folks are a little too good at this.

JE: The true secret behind videogame narrative is knowing how to make yourself seem a lot more clever than you actually are. [source] 'Oh, we TOTALLY planned that.' [source]

User: Ok, this thread [the DA2 regrets thread, which is the big chunks above] but Inquisition.

DG: My regrets about Inquisition are, more or less, the normal kind. Nothing so dramatic, I'm afraid. [source]

User: You can keep your Varric romance, I want a Flemeth romance goddamnit!

DG: I would allow for one flirt option, and then a recording of Kate Mulgrew laughing for three minutes straight. [source]

User: I had a hypothesis about the repetitive caves in DA2. They're repetitive because it's Varric telling the story and he didn't consider them important.  They're like sets in a play.  (Okay, I really suspect it was a time/money/resources thing but I like my fake explanation better.)

DG: Hang a lampshade on it, maybe? Cassandra: "But that's the exact cave you were in last time?" Varric: "Whatever. They all look the same, I'm not THAT kind of dwarf. Can we move on?" [source]

User: that makes sense, hypothetically to make Varric romanceable and keep his arc—that had to happen for the main plot—I imagine you would have to make double the content (or more)? which would've been a tall order given the time/budget constraints the game was under

DG: Right. When it comes to "romance arc" vs. "follower story arc", we generally only had time to do one or the other. Never both. Romancing Varric would have meant not getting the story of his that you did. [source]

Mary Kirby: The one exaggeration I really, REALLY wanted, that we never got to do was Varric narrating his own death scene with Hawke weeping over him, then cutting to Cassandra's pissed off glaring at him. [source]

DG: Haha! The one I wanted was Varric's plot where he takes on the baddies single-handedly, sliding across the floor like Jet Lee, action movie-style, until finally Cassandra gets irritated and he has to admit Hawke & the rest of the party showed up to help. [source]

MK: We did that one! (He didn't do any Jet Lee moves, though.) Jepler gave him letterboxing to get The Good, the Bad, & the Ugly showdown vibes while he shot a ton of mooks single-handed. [source]

DG: Wow. Shows how much I remember. [source]

JE: I found it! I remember seeing this sequence as my treat for doing a bunch of much more challenging work. It was fun to see how far I could push our limited library of animations. [link] [source]

DG: Heh awesome. I could have sworn it was cut, honestly. I think I was even in that meeting. [source]

User: no disrespect but that’s surprising and rich of Mary “Hard in Hightown” Kirby to think DA2 shouldn’t have had a Varric romance when she wrote an entire book of Varric’s self-insert character pining over his Hawke insert character… HIH is the reason we had VHawke Summer 2018

DG: I can't *really* speak for Mary, or how she feels about it now compared to back then. I only know how she felt about it back then, and I'm not sure it was as much the concept of the romance but that Varric's entire story would be bent to "romance arc" ...a very different thing. [source]

JH: I remember pushing to have the first DLC start with Hawke having an option to ask Varric, "Did you tell Cassandra about us?" and if you picked it, Varric would answer, "Of course not, baby. I told her you were sleeping with X..." and then proceed as if you had had a full romance. [source]

DG: I still wonder how that would have gone over. x) [source]

JE: Okay, one more DA2 thing. Putting together the cinematics for this scene was a blast. [link] [source]

MK: These lines are my greatest legacy. I want "Make sure the world knows I died... at Chateau Haine!" inscribed on my tombstone. [source]

JE: I was so glad no one said 'no' to the crane shot. [source]

MK: It needs that crane shot. It's the perfect icing on that cake made from solid cheese. [source]

DG: The designers were all "we need more combat" and I think we were all "I think you underestimate just HOW interesting we can make this dinner party". [source]

JE: And finally. I think @SherylChee wrote the one-liner. I think we had a collection of like, 20. [link] [source]

Sheryl Chee: Yeah! Something like that! I remember submitted a whole bunch and Frank said you only needed one. Wish I'd kept the other fifteen. [source]

JE: A random chooser where, each time through the scene, you get a different one-liner. [source]

JE: DA2 is the project I'm the proudest of. I also absolutely get that it didn't land for a lot of people. But I don't think it's inaccurate to say that, in a lot of ways, DA2 defined my career. [source]  Everyone spent a year working at their maximum ability. I was a fresh cinematic designer and was given all of Varric's content, as well as the Act 1 Finale mission. It was a lot for someone who had been doing the Cinematics thing for literally 6 months. [source]  There's some stuff in there I can't look at without wincing. And there's some stuff I'm genuinely proud of. Not to mention, it was my introduction to most of the writing team. Several of whom I'm still working with today! Albeit in a different capacity [source] Also, weirdly, one of my most enduring memories of Dragon Age 2 is how much Bad Company 2 we'd play at lunch. It was a LOT. [source] Every game I've worked on has a game I played attached to it. ME2 is Borderlands. DA2 is Bad Company 2. DAI is DayZ. I, hmm. There's a progression there. I don't know how I feel about it. [source]

User: Is DA4 going to be tarkov then?

JE: I've kind of churned out of Tarkov for now. Probably Hunt Showdown, at least right now. [source]

User: I think people also don't take nuance into consideration -- like I FULLY acknowledge the flaws in my favorite games and will openly criticize them, but that doesn't mean they're not my favorite games anymore??? You can like and thing and still be critical of it.

JE: A lot of my favourite shit is deeply flawed! I acknowledge it and I think it's interesting to dissect the flaws. [source]

User: I still wish Justice was an actual character in DA2 rather than a plot point.

DG: There was a moment during DAI where we *almost* put in you running into Justice with the Grey Wardens, and he's all "Kirkwall? I never went to Kirkwall" [source]

User: Does that imply that Justice was shoehorned in to DA2?

DG: Nah, it was an in-joke where we thought it'd be fun to suggest that "Justice" was simply some demon that tricked Anders in DA2. Wooo those tricky demons! We didn't do it, though. [source]

User: [about templars]  except, I don't think it had very much legitimacy to begin with. keep in mind, we interact with other characters with the same argument. The one that comes to mind is Cullen, a sane templar in power. The templar's side of the argument is inherently flawed.

DG: I don't doubt that many people agree with you, and yet people can and do argue on behalf of the templars as well. My place isn't to pick a side, but to provide evidence that players can interpret for themselves [source]

User: Can you shed some light for us on how DA was able to do multiple same-sex romance options for different genders but the Mass Effect team treated them like the plague? What process existed for your team that just wasn't their for the other tentpole franchise?

DG: Different people making the decisions, almost different cultures. I don't know what it's like now, but for many years the Mass Effect team and the Dragon Age team were almost like two different studios working within the same building. [source]

User: It truly boggles the mind. Kudos for doing demonstrably better on consistent queer representation than the ME teams. Y'all never needed us to make petitions to try to get the studio's attention and ask them to do better by us. That's the fight we're once again embroiled in now.

DG: Honestly, I don't feel like tut-tutting the Mass Effect team. They did their part, and if they were a bit later to the show than the DA team they certainly did more than almost every other game out there -- and willingly. [source]

Updates begin here

User: So what was the reason for naming Dragon age 2 "Dragon age II" and not using a subtitle?

DG: As I recall, that was purely a publisher decision. I think they wanted to avoid the impression it was an expansion. [source]

User: Is there no chance of ever remaking DA2 under better circumstances? -Somehow remove the repetitiveness of gameplay by making changes and updating the tech and adding much more to the storyline. It could almost be a new very exciting game.

DG: I'd say there's zero chance of that. Let's keep our hopes up for the next DA title instead. [source]

User: I am a little confused here, help me out here please! How exactly was the cut boss battle with Orsino supposed to work out? How it would've kept him from turning against the player?

DG: It means that, if you sided with the templars, the entire boss bottle at the end would have been against Orsino and the mages. No fight against Meredith. The end decision would have been more divergent. [source]

User: I do remember that one of the reasons going around for that, was that resources were going to the transition to Frostbite. I'm still not fully sold on that having been a good choice. I felt that more time should have been given for that transition considering it was made for FPSs

DG: We didn't transition to Frostbite until DAI. Given our time frame for DA2, I don't think we *could* have transitioned to a new engine. [source]

User: Since your talking about the what could have been for DA2. Could you say what your script was for Anthem? Cause I remember reading that you wrote the plot on that game.

DG: I created a setting for Anthem and scripted out a plot - but, as I understand it, almost none of that ended up being used. So it's a bit pointless to talk about what I'd planned, as that'd be for some completely different type of game. [source]

User: [in reference to the exchange above where DG said “Being "crazy", however, robbed her side of the mage/templar argument of any legitimacy. I hated hated hated that.” re: Meredith] except, I don't think it had very much legitimacy to begin with. keep in mind, we interact with other characters with the same argument. The one that comes to mind is Cullen, a sane templar in power. The templar's side of the argument is inherently flawed.

DG: I don't doubt that many people agree with you, and yet people can and do argue on behalf of the templars as well. My place isn't to pick a side, but to provide evidence that players can interpret for themselves. [source]

If I missed a tweet, got the wrong source link or included a tweet twice, feel free to let me know and I’ll correct.

Edit / Update: Post update 22nd April

[rainywritingsx]

Bakugou, Midoriya and Shinsou with a confident S/O who has social anxiety

Request: Heyooo! I adore your blog and was wondering if I could request bakugou, midoriya, and shinsou with an S/O who's pretty confidant when around friends, and in fights, but they have some serious social anxiety? Like the 'im going to whisper and stutter if I have to order food' kinda thing (I do this and I hate it) sorry if that was kinda long

aww, I feel your struggles! I absolutely hate ordering food or asking anything to an employee in stores, it’s really nerve-wracking and I repeat what I have to say in my head like a billion times. And thank you, I’m glad to hear that you enjoy my writing ^^

I do have one little question to you guys though: it has caught my attention that I seem to be getting less notes than before. Usually I could get to 100 notes, but It seems that now my posts are struggling to even reach 50. Is there anything I’m doing wrong perhaps? You guys can always tell me of course ^^ i’m sorry if this seems like I only care about attention or something, it’s just that I noticed it and well, at times it makes me feel a little discouraged/insecure about my writing. Anyway, enough complaining, onto the headcanons. I hope you enjoy!! ^^

xxx Rainbow

tip jar ^^

Bakugou Katsuki

your confidence during training was something that Bakugou noticed immediately

He’s smart and analytic so he catches onto it immediately

and he probably finds it pretty hot too ;)

ok ok sorry this is sfw

anyway, your confidence really attracts him

he probably really likes it when someone is able to stand their ground

he doesn’t know about your social anxiety as first

but as you two start hanging out together, he notices some behaviours that he hadn’t seen before

he wants to address it to you

and well, considering that he doesn't have experience with handling things like that, that is what he will do

depending on your reaction, he’ll continue the discussion or he won’t

because while bakugou is a little inexperienced, he’s not as much of a jerk to you as some might think he is

no he doesn’t have social anxiety like you, but that doesn’t mean he won’t help

he might ask (? in his own bakugou way) someone for help, i’m thinking it could be Midoriya but that question will definitely be hidden in some insult at him lol

he means well tho

sorry midoriya

he probably wants to bring you out of your shell in situations like that

but

only if you want to as well

because Bakugou doesn’t half-ass anything

so it’s either all or nothing

and if you don’t want to he won’t mind it

if it gets too much for you, whether you try to overcome/handle your anxiety or not, he will definitely help you out

if you try to order by yourself, he will hold your hand and give it small squeezes

just to let you know that he’s here for you

will also kick anyone’s butt if they make fun of you

and he’s still super proud of you anyway

he’s got a badass girlfriend who can kick ass, what more could he ask for?

Midoriya Izuku

your confidence is something Midoriya really admires

yes, he’s grown a lot so far but he’s still self-conscious at times

so you’re like reminded for him to work harder

definitely has some notes on you where he explicitly mentions how you have so much faith in yourself

and of course you should be!

you’re strong and can control your quirk incredibly well

since Midoriya has notes on people, i feel like he might have suspicions about your social anxiety

but he isn’t sure just yet

he notices small things like you being very fidgety right before you have to do a presentation

but then you start and try your best to put on the confident facade

and it seems to work a lot

when you two get closer, he notices that you seem to avoid ordering things pretty often

baby wants to mention it but he doesn’t want to upset you at all

his suspicions grow and he’s almost sure- he just needs to hear it from you now

when you finally open up to him about it, he’s more than glad about it

this angel will always order for you so you won’t feel nervous!!

it might even get to a point where you tell him to stop, because you know he can’t always be there for you

he might also suggest going to a professional for help, but only if you want to of course

and he doesn’t judge you for your anxiety at all

he loves you no matter what!

you’re still his s/o after all

will overcome his own anxiety and hold your hand in public

just to reassure you

and to let you know that he’s always with you

also, if you happen to be together for a project or just need to do public speaking, he will definitely practice with you!

overall he will just do all he can to help you

only if you want to of course

Hitoshi Shinsou (I got a little carried away oops)

Shinsou probably isn’t buying any of your confidence at first

he just thinks there’s probably more to you

and part of him is curious to find out more about you

but it’ll take a while, considering Shinsou is quite reserved

he might say you did well after training or something like that, but it’ll always be lowkey

slowly he starts to believe in your confidence too and he’s starting to grow fond of it

yes, at times it can turn into arrogance with some people, but you were far from arrogant to say the least

since he’s less…. annoyed? he kind of wants to get to know you better

but since Shinsou doesn’t really have friends he probably doesn’t know how exactly

He guesses that you want to be friends too, because one day you just started talking to him

slowly but surely, you two got closer

and well he kinda catches feelings for you

and you feel the same way about him

and so one day, when you’re supposed to hang out at the mall with a group that includes Shinsou, the only one who actually comes is Shinsou

little did you know this was your friends’ plan

so, not wanting to waste time, you two decided to enjoy yourselves

at one point Shinsou says he’s hungry and you’re just like oh

he notices your slight change but doesn’t comment on it at first

when you get to a fast food restaurant and order something, he sees how you’re struggling

your voice is very quiet and he can tell you find it hard to look at the employee

while he doesn’t mention it immediately after you’ve ordered, he will definitely talk to you about it

he doesn’t really know how exactly he can help you

so he will do small gestures like holding your hand/keeping an arm around you

or, when he has figured out what you do and don’t like, he will order for you without even mentioning it

if it gets too bad and you want to, he might suggest finding somebody to help

if not that’s also fine

but if he thinks you really really need it he might try to convince you more

and look it’s not bad at all to ask for help!!

he just can tell that you hate your social anxiety at times

but still he’s proud of his really cool s/o

and he will aaaaalways be proud

[transgender-scout]

Okay I found a pdf online of the Angel experiment and started reading it last night when I couldn’t sleep. It turned into less of a list of me complaining and more of a reaction as I relived my life in 6th grade. I’ve got the first four chapters + the prologue so I’ll do 5 chapters at a time. To keep from clogging dashes I’m going to drop this bad boy under the cut.

Book 1:

Prologue

•Oh my god I actually missed these prologues where the protagonist talks so dramatically to the reader like this. Gives me a real animorphs vibe hell yeah

•OH MY GOD 14 I USED TO THINK THAT WAS SO OLD WHAT HAPPENED

•WHOSE IDEA WAS IT TO RELEASE A LITERAL CHILD INTO THE WORLD LIKE THIS

•God I’m losing it this sounded like a deviant art bio

•Oh god I see where I got my flare for dramatic introductions

•It always bothered me that they’re only 2% bird. I feel like that might have given them some patches of feathers maybe instead of wings and improved hearing and sight and strength and metabolism an

•There it is again-“the only experiments to make it past infancy” I have a couple of books’ worth of proof that says that’s wrong. Yeah sure Max probably didn’t know about everything that was going on at the school but don’t sound so definitive about this. What is this, supernatural?

•Also why were the Erasers the only ones who could morph? Wouldn’t it be better to have wings that could morph into your back?? More useful???

•Also I hope the internet taught them about furries so they could make snide jokes tinged with nervous laughter about how Erasers are furries.

•“Welcome to our nightmare” GOD THAT'S SO 2005

•I still have no idea what Max meant by “if you read this story, you become part of the experiment.” I don’t see any wings popping out of my back, Miss, I’d like a refund.

Chapter 1

•GODDD NOW I SEE WHERE I GET MY WRITING STYLE I HATE THISSS

•Also still not sure what the whole point of this dream sequence was besides padding out a first chapter (which honestly? Mood). Any insight?

•W-if the Erasers are chasing after Max, why the fuck do they have bloodhounds? Isn’t wolf smelling on par, if not better than dogs’?? I understand this is a dream but like. Yo.

•Everyone always draws Max’s wings like eagle wings and they’re even colored like that in the manga, but the wiki says they resemble hawk wings. Hm.

Chapter 2

•Also the E shaped house always bugged me, too. The way it sounds, it’s not secluded by trees or anything, but Max says they’re totally hidden?? Surely someone goes hiking in the mountains around there.

•Ah yes. Jeb. Bastard man.

•Wait did he just. Fuckin up and leave? Like in the middle of the night like “bye kids gonna go get some milk” and never came back? How fucked up is that?

•And how the fuck did he expect three 12 year olds to take care of a 9 year old, a 6 year old, and a 4 year old by themselves??

•No doctors. Is Max part of the anti vaxx movement? Surely the folks at the lab weren’t like “well obviously they need all their shots if they’re to function normally in society and not die of chickenpox.”

•Also I like how dramatically this chapter ends. He literally could have kept going djsjfjsfn

Chapter 3

•Why is Gazzy a walking potty humor joke? That literally comes into play once in like the third to last book. #GiveGazzyTheCharacterDevelopmentHeDeserves2k19

•I forgot if this was mentioned but how do they know Gazzy and Angel are siblings? Is it just because they look similar?

•IGGY. SON.

•Also I’m remembering every page from the manga in like super high definition rn

•I saw someone else discuss this, but where in the fuck do they get food from?? Max makes it sound like she’s never gone into real society before and a 14 year old buying at least $1000 worth of groceries every week seems super sketch to literally any place ever.

•It always struck me as weird that Angel likes cozy places considering she lived in a dog crate for the first few years of her life.

•It’s so weird to me that literally the only person who got powers was Angel. The rest develop their (single use) powers along the way whenever it was convenient but I guess she just started out with hers? Idk I literally have no room to talk tho one of my ocs has inexplicable mind reading powers too lol

Chapter 4

•JDJSFJ THE CONVO AB THE STRAWBERRIES IS SO SHORT AND FORCED FJSJFJSJK I know it’s just to start the plot but shakfjajfjwj???

•CHAPTER 4 IS LITERALLY A PARAGRAPH LONG WHAT IN THE HELL

•Oh also why don’t they ever use Gazzy’s voice mimic thing?? JP could have made things where it was voice locked but Gazzy could have had a personality and been like “yo guys I got this!”

•Also how in the world can an 8 year old perfectly mimic a 14 year old’s voice? I’m guessing it’s an implied bird thing maybe.

•“Most of us had [weird abilities].” LITERALLY ONLY TWO OF YOU DO.

Chapter 5

•Oof trained? I can see why Jeb would train the kids to fight but like,,, yikes. Those are literal babies,,,,, plss

•Also I thought it was weird how they could just clap their hands around the Eraser’s ears and their eardrums would just fuckin pop. Do wolves really work like that? Someone who knows more about wolves than me look that up.

•Honestly?? The flock should have tons of scars n shit from all the times they’ve fought the Erasers. I’d really have liked to hear them come up at some point.

•Was there a reason they only wanted Angel or…? It’s been a long time since I read the series. From what Max was saying, pretty much half flock was out cold and would have been easy pickings for the Erasers to take back to the lab.

•Well the one thing I can say is that at least Ari is acting like a jealous seven year old.

•Lowkey wish there’d been more time to establish Ari, in hindsight. While we do get his view point in later books, we still really didn’t even get to know much about him. I’m not sure if that was for a reason or just a character who didn’t get developed. I wish there had at least been a name drop or something in the priori chapters like “I’m pretty sure Jeb had a son. Wonder where he went. Oh well ¯\_(ツ)_/¯”

•Also I forgot again but was there a reason Jeb didn’t bring Ari along?? Like, he couldn’t have done the same things as the flock, sure, but at least he would be there with his dad and like, other kids near his age to interact with. Did we ever get any info ab Ari’s mom? Again, shitty memory.

[comicteaparty]

December 27th, 2018 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on December 27th, 2018, from 5PM - 7PM PST.  The chat focused on Inhibit by Eve Greenwood / evegwood.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB START!

Good evening, everyone~! This week’s Thursday Book Club is officially beginning! Today we are discussing Inhibit by Eve Greenwood / evegwood~! (http://www.inhibitcomic.com/)

Remember that Thursday discussions are completely freeform! However, every 30 minutes I will drop in OPTIONAL discussion questions in case you’d like a bit of a prompt. If you miss out on one of these prompts, you can find them pinned for the chat’s duration. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is fun and respectfully appreciating the comic. All that said, let’s begin!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

there are many great scenes, but i am particularly fond of victor in the parking garage. specifically, i enjoy the unfolding of events once masha joins the party. i love the fact that victor freezes up and just flat out doesnt know what to do. not only does this fit with his character, but i actually think its refreshing for a protagonist with powers to still just be a regular person deep down who does not have the required training to deal with that sort of situation. not to mention i love seeing paulina's powers in action

spire

Agreed! The garage is one of my favorites too. I love how Paulina is breaking rules left and right- not just laws (lol) but all the concepts that have been established so far about how powers are supposed to work. I really want to figure out what's going on(edited)

RebelVampire

or is she breaking laws? as in the powers. obviously shes breaking the other sorts of laws like dont set ppls property on fire. but i will save theories on the powers for a bit later. i do enjoy that she throws a wrench already into what's established. tho i felt bad for victor that nobody is listening to him.

another scene ive been enjoying is the current flashback where victor is a bouncy child. mostly because i love how excited about everything victor is. like wanting explosions just cause its cool. and i think its just this real contrast that builds tension for the narrative since youre like "victor man what happened O_O"

spire

No one listened to him then and no one listens to him now. I would love it if someone took him seriously for once

I would also love it it someone let him REST

RebelVampire

yeah my heart really hurts for him. because ive been in that position of sitting there constantly trying to tell someone something and then being ignored.

although i really think ppl need to learn moderation in regards to their expectations for victor most of all

cause it seems like ppl either 1) expect nothing from victor and think hes a loser or 2) pull a nate and expect victor to auto be this extremely capable person despite not having trained for anything in years

Superjustinbros

*jumps in

Hello~!

RebelVampire

hey super!

Superjustinbros

Hey Rebel!

Pleased to be here~

spire

Hello~

Superjustinbros

And hello to you too, Spire!

RebelVampire

another scene that i enjoy was when julia, david, and victor snuck back in to the building to eavesdrop. on a technical level i liked the writing for it because it was a scene that moved the plot along but also served to show off the relationship dynamics that exist between those specific characters. so as a narrative construct everything in that scene felt like it had purpose to one end or the other.

Superjustinbros

I just want to say, the faces in this comic are incredible.

http://www.inhibitcomic.com/comics/2658763/chapter-5-pg-11/ Especially this one on the bottom right

And then they play bloody Laser Tag

RebelVampire

yeah the faces on the kid are really some fantastic exaggerations

Superjustinbros

Oh yes

RebelVampire

but suits them cause theyre kids

Superjustinbros

There's lots of fun to be had with giving characters over the top faces.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 2. Victor has been shown to be a drastically different person than he was in his youth. What is the past incident that several characters bring up that apparently resulted in a trial and inevitably got Victor kicked out of Urquhart? What does it have to do with Masha, and do you think Julia was involved somehow considering she’s also at Earl Estate? Is it the reason Nate and Victor’s relationship soured as well? Do you believe the incident is what changed Victor so much, or is it several aspects of his life? Do you think any of this has something to do with why Victor has failed to improve at Earl Estate? Also, why do you believe Victor’s inhibitors are now failing him so badly? Lastly, do you believe his missions with Nate will have an effect on Victor’s personality? How so?

Superjustinbros

tfw it's already time to answer question 2

I'll stop posting these to the chat now

RebelVampire

well considering adult victor has some issue controlling his powers when hes emotional, im gonna assume something of that nature happened. potentially maybe to that bully who keeps picking on young masha. cause i feel like victor is gonna stand up to them or attempt to and get mad and then accidentally severely injure them or something. idk about julia being involved

tho looking back it looks like she has all her fingers as a child

Superjustinbros

That seems like a very good interpretation.

Considering he does shoot out electricity at impractical times, at least from what I've seen(edited)

RebelVampire

as for nate and victor's relationship souring, i think theres more at work than just this incident. i kind of get the impression that nate just kind of likes taking things out on victor even when everything has nothing to do with victor. but i think basically all this crap combined to shake victor's confidence and that's a large reason hes not improving. cause he just has no reason to be confident anymore.

spire

I think Vic's self worth has been raised into a precarious position thanks to being a gifted (in this case- super powered) child, and with how much his spark-outs are emphasized through the whole comic, something terrible must have happened with a spark and that lack of control was touted against him, which makes it near impossible to repair his self esteem

RebelVampire

yes definitely all that. cause i feel by and large that victor has just given up on himself. which tbf i dont blame him cause literally nobody is doing anything to help really. like theres not a truly positive influence. although to nate's credit i guess he's trying? just ya know, in a super bad way

spire

Lol yeah. That's a good way to put it

Nate is helping but in the worst way. Vic needs some genuine, earnest support

As for Julia, I suspect she gave herself frostbite? Noor is very strict about Julia forming ice around her limbs, and she must have been moved to Earl for a similar outburst of her own powers

RebelVampire

tbh i think julia has more control of her powers. from the impression i get anyway. i kind of think julia is just reckless and doesnt think her actions through. though i mean might of been an outburst too. i could really go either way. and maybe its both.

though frostbite is way more tame than what i was thinking happened XD

i was picturing more encasing an ice and then shattering said ice

frostbite sounds more reasonable and less horrific

spire

Omg

Julia just thought one day that it would be cool to be a snowman

She didn't consider the fact that she can't move. Once she becomes the snow man ️

RebelVampire

that sounds like something shed do. even now cause i dont feel shes anymore responsible than she was as a kid

which ya know narratively speaking is kind of a good contrast with victor in a way

spire

Yeah

RebelVampire

cause victor has no control of his powers but has a sort of reserved control of himself. whereas julia has control of her powers but is an explosion of bad decisions waiting to happen

spire

I love that about them. Despite Julia's recklessness I think it's good for Vic to not be sitting alone in his room 24/7

RebelVampire

idk i agree and disagree. its good for him to get out and socialize, but im not sure the ppl around him are well-suited to kind of give him teh space he needs.

tho tbf im not sure the estate is the healithiest place in general

it kind of feels like prison

QUESTION 3. Victor’s life changes a lot when he’s forced to join Nate’s team. Why do you think Nate is so vehement about having Victor as a temporary member on his team? Is he honestly just trying to help Victor, or is there is some other hidden reason? What did you think the way the retrievals were handled says about the world and its view on Variants? How might the first mission change Victor’s perspective on Variants and how they’re treated (if at all)? How will it affect how Victor deals with other team missions and/or the course of the story? Lastly, do you believe that Victor will be able to makes amends and bond with the team, or will he continue to be chastised and treated somewhat lesser?

spire

The way that variants are trained at places like Urq and Miller to almost solely police their own community is disturbing. Vic wants no part of it and it's perfectly understandable

Variants are monitored so closely through their whole lives. it's invasive.

RebelVampire

yeah. and i mean...theres a degree i want to be understanding. i would not want untrained variants just walking around causing accidents and such. cause theyve shown that their powers can be damaging not just to others but themselves and also all the property around them. so i can understand that variants kind of need a special thing going on for everyone's protection

but man do those places feel like prison

like when you cant even let someone's mom see their kid off

thats a bad sign

spire

In that kind of environment a variant is pressured to do whatever they can to appear trustworthy. Even if Nate is trying to help Vic out I think he's ultimately trying to make himself look better by helping Vic succeed

RebelVampire

that could be although i feel theres easier ways then making under the table secret deals. tho tbh i think theres a mix going on here. like i think nate does want to help victor and wants to see him succeed. but i also feel like nate isnt altruistic either. more like he wants to help victor cause he feels like victor is his one failure that he cant leave to continue to be a failure just for the sake of his own pride.

Superjustinbros

“I think he's ultimately trying to make himself look better by helping Vic succeed”

This thought caught my eyes

RebelVampire

although it could also be that nate sees something of himself reflected in victor. cause nate did freak out when masha wasnt just flat out listening to his captain's orders. and i kind of feel that reflects his own feelings of being unsure of himself

Superjustinbros

Perhaps

RebelVampire

but i kind of wonder if theres an issue of dormancy at play in all this? cause if nate feels like he's losing his powers and position soon, that could be a prime motivator in whatever he feels hes got to do

like hes running out of his chance to do that one super awesome thing that immortalizes him in history

spire

Ooooooooo that's a very interesting thought

Reminiscent of thinkin you need to be ultra successful by the time you're 30

I hadn't thought of nates motivation that way before :0

RebelVampire

yeah and this is kind of an extreme case of needing to be successful by 30. cause in this case its kind of true in a way. since im sure if youre a variant the powers are kind of part of who you are. but by 30 you lose that and essentially have to redefine who you are as a person. and i think thats more true with the way their system is set up since their glorified prisons are so life encompassing.

spire

Yeah. That's got to be terrifying, knowing your whole identity is going to disappear one day, one day SOON

RebelVampire

yes. or so were led to believe. cause tbf i got sinister vibes from that scene with the doctor checking young victor for dormancy. so maybe all we know is a lie and dormancy is not a natural process but something forced upon variants.

spire

OOOOOOOOHH

Terrifying if tru

Superjustinbros

Yeah that scene creeped me out a bit

and it just came out of nowhere

RebelVampire

cause i agree with young victor. why are you checking a kid for dormancy if you know the typical ages for dormancy

and i feel that line is there for a reason

spire

I wonder if he's still wondering that now, 9 years later?

And I hope he is

RebelVampire

maybe hell remember it

Superjustinbros

Exactly, Rebel. (about the dormacy part)(edited)

RebelVampire

cause to tie in the 2nd part of that question, i def think victor is on the path to see the injustice in how variants are treated

those facial expressions in the van were already on the extreme i feel sorry for these people side

QUESTION 4. Inadvertently, Victor becomes involved with a dangerous arsonist named Paulina. What do you think Paulina’s powers are? Is she a pyro as many believe, or is there something funky going on with her powers like Victor believes? Why do you believe Paulina attacked Miller, and why do you think she’s so desperately looking for Chalice? Where do you think Paulina even came from given she isn’t declaring any facility as her origin? Why, of all people, do you think Paulina went to Victor specifically for help? Given Victor gets Julia involved, how might the residents of Earl Estate affect Victor helping Paulina or not? In general, do you believe Victor will help Paulina or not, and how will this choice affect the rest of the story?

Superjustinbros

I'm going to say maybe she has multiple powers versus most of the other characters that only have one

spire

That's what I was thinking too

Superjustinbros

I mean she really is mysterious, since her profile is still //||?⁄⁄/⁄\ | on the site

RebelVampire

idk. i mean its certainly possible. but im also willing to think that she has one power that doesnt fit any of the predefined powers the world established. so like shes a new variant type. or that she knows how to use her pyro powers in a way that nobody thought possible

but multiple powers is still possible

im just more willing to error on the side of it still fitting in with established laws and we just dont get the full picture yet

Superjustinbros

maybe like dark/gravity powers, or some power that's otherwise considered taboo?

spire

I think ultimately Vic's going to be looking for some truth and working with Pauli will appear? To get him some answers

Superjustinbros

Considering het background is nothing like the others

And yeah, maybe that ends up happening

http://inhibit.smackjeeves.com/files/what.png I mean can anyone translate this(edited)

RebelVampire

no but its probably just for the purposes of making her mysterious

and wont change to not give new readers spoilers XD

spire

Yes I believe that's simply to keep it mysterious for new readers

Superjustinbros

Yeah

RebelVampire

i think victor will def help paulina, although im not sure i get the impression paulina is gonna inspire victor to look for truth persay. though if she gets him to chalice, i think chalice will make him question stuff.

Superjustinbros

Maybe, just maybe.(edited)

RebelVampire

i kind of get the impression that paulina didnt come from any facility but instead has been living and training outside the system. cause we dont really know the process by which the facilities collect variants in the first place. like obviously we see victor's mom bring victor. but like...was it the law? was it under threat hed be taken anyway? how did ppl know?(edited)

and without knowing these things i can think of a lot of reasons paulina just skirted by the system

Superjustinbros

Definitely could be something outside the system, since it's still a mystery

spire

I'm wondering if the only reason Pauli chased Vic down to Earl is because she has blackmail to make him help her find chalice. If she asked anyone else she's obvs get turned in to the police or taken home?? Wherever that is???

Well, I guess it's not really black mail. So I don't really know

RebelVampire

maybe paulina just picked him cause hes the only variant she knows now who didnt immediately try to arrest her

and tbf

victor is a good choice cause he would seem easy to intimidate into doing what you want him to do

spire

TRUE LMAO

RebelVampire

tho i couldnt fathom why she wants to find chalice. i mean the assumption is she wants their help. but maybe she super hates them and chalice is corrupt and bad. and that there is no good in this world. or something depressing like that.

Superjustinbros

lmao

Plus he's the protagonist

RebelVampire

paulina got super meta and said "hey victor you feel like a protagonist. you can probably help"

XD

Superjustinbros

XD

Protagonist Syndrome in a nutshell

RebelVampire

that makes me feel bad for victor. victor seems like the last person whod ever want to be a protagonist

just wants to sleep in his room instead

spire

Hashtag relatable tbh

Superjustinbros

Yes

RebelVampire

since we only have 4 mins left, are there any final thoughts to share?

Superjustinbros

I'd love to do the same lol

I want to say this has been a great read so far, it's got great characters, lots of emotion, and lots of charm.

(And lots of good expressions)

Good luck with the comic, Eve, it's really going strongly so far.

spire

I think inhibit really nails what it feels like to be pinned by the expectations put on you by all levels of society, but still allowing itself to breathe and be funny and so human

RebelVampire

i think inhibit is a great story with memorable personalities. but most of all it has a relateable protagonist whose inner demons can speak to most ppl, and watching his journey is definitely probably something that will inspire hope

unless victor dies

then no hope

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB END!

Sadly, this wraps up this week’s Thursday Book Club chat for now. Thank you so much to everyone for reading and joining us! We want to give a special thank you to Eve Greenwood / evegwood, as well, for making Inhibit. If you liked the comic, make sure to support Eve Greenwood / evegwood’s efforts however you’re able to~!

Read and Comment: http://www.inhibitcomic.com/

Eve Greenwood / evegwood’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/evegwood

Eve Greenwood / evegwood’s Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/evegwood

Eve Greenwood / evegwood’s Paypal Donation Link: https://www.paypal.me/evegwood

Eve Greenwood / evegwood’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/evegwood

Comic Tea Party- Thursday Book Club

Next week’s Thursday Book Club will be about Princess Pups by Lindsay Hornsby. For participants, you have the next week to read as much of the comic as you would like~! We hope to see you on Thursday, January 3rd, from 5PM to 7PM PST for the chat in #thursday_bookclub!

Comic’s Main Site: https://tapas.io/series/Princess-Pups

[zoemurph]

to have a friend, chapter two: $40

on ao3 1

here we are again. hope everyone had a good october, mine was....something. sorry if the writing style/tone changes a bit throughout, i basically wrote this in two sittings, just two sittings with a month between them

warning: discussions of mental health, mentions of suicide/suicide attempts, suicidal thoughts, let me know if other warnings need to be added

enjoy!

Connor is starting to run out of places in town where he can be alone without someone in his family finding him. Zoe is a little too perceptive and his mother has eyes everywhere. It’s kind of creepy and Connor’s sick of it.

Still, they’ve yet to find him at the old elementary school playground so far. Maybe it’s because the playground is hidden behind the school and is surrounded on two sides by tall trees. Or just because it’s in the rundown part of town, abandoned until the town can think of something better to do with a building almost as old as the town itself.

Connor is pretty sure people have broken into the school before. There are definitely serious drug deals that take place under the biggest tree on the edge of the fields. But mostly it’s just empty.

Connor’s been here before to smoke. Yeah, he’s been the creepy teenager smoking on the swingset at three in the morning before. Who the fuck cares, no one comes by here to get him in trouble. But more often then not, he just comes here to think.

He sits on a swing and holds onto the rusting chains and just stares at his knees and thinks. Or dissociates. Or both. He can’t tell anymore.

It’s been a fucking day. He definitely hadn’t planned getting yelled at by Evan Hansen into his schedule.

For one, he didn’t think Evan had it in him. For another… Connor doesn’t actually know what he’d been expecting when he sat down in the computer lab instead of going to last period. Maybe that one thing in his life would be easy. He could apologize to Evan or something and they could maybe slowly make it seem like they were drifting apart or something.

Connor doesn’t know how friends work. It’s been years since he had a real one.

And Evan isn’t even a real one.

He walks the swing in circles, twisting the chains together until he can’t twist anymore, then lifts his feet from the ground. He lets his toes drag along the ground as he spins in slow circles, the chains groaning as they untwist.

He can still hear Evan’s voice in his mind, shouting at him.

I just jumped out of a fucking tree!

He tried to backtrack so quickly. Take back the truth he’d released to the world. But Connor saw it. There had been a moment of clarity.

That was Evan Hansen.

That singular moment of honesty says more about Evan Hansen more than he will ever say about himself. He’s awkward, anxious to a fault, and suicidal. He looks at the world and he doesn’t see a future. He sees in grays and muddled tones and doesn’t see something worth fighting for.

Or maybe that’s just Connor projecting.

The swing dips a little as it stops untwisting, moving back and forth with the remaining momentum. Sometimes, sitting on these swings, he feels like a little kid. Mostly he just feels out of place.

But it’s better than home. Home, where he has no bedroom door. Home, where his mom is desperate for him to get better but doesn’t know how to help. Home, where his father doesn’t want to face the facts or him. Home, where his sister has given up.

Home, which is a building and not much more.

Connor closes his eyes and rests his head against the old chain. Childhood doesn’t feel real anymore. It’s hard to believe he was a little kid. That he was happy. That he constantly didn’t feel like shit.

His entire life has been overshadowed and stained by his present. He wishes he’d been able to wipe it out— that he’d been able to wipe him out.

His phone buzzes in his pocket. Only twice. A text.

His other only calls. She leaves frantic voicemails and voicemails with forced cheer. Nothing else.

No one else contacts him.

Connor sighs and opens his eyes. The sky is starting to get dark already. As it gets closer to winter, night comes faster and god he can’t wait for the darkness to just swallow him whole.

Dramatic depressing stuff like that.

His phone buzzes in his pocket again. He leans away from the chain to pull his phone from his pocket. He squints at the overly bright screen as his eyes adjust.

From: (522) 114-8119 To: Connor      Im s o soryr I shoulnd t have  yelled a t you or said thos e things      And IM s orry that I ran out and tha t happend a dn

Connor stares at the screen. A few moments later, he gets another text.

From: (522) 114-8119 To: Connor      Cna  we talk tomorro w      After sc hool computer lba      IMs or y I can ttype righ tnow

Connor hesitates, fingers hovering over the screen. Part of him forgot he gave Evan his number. Part of him thought Evan would never try to contact him ever again.

From: Connor To: (522) 144-8119      its fine      and ok      ill see you there

—«·»—

Connor slams the front door to announce that he’s home. He doesn’t bother actually using his voice, he’s tired and ready to just lay in bed and stop existing for a while.

“Don’t slam the door,” his father says from where he’s sitting on the couch, reading a newspaper.

Connor rolls his eyes. There are only so many doors he can slam in this house nowadays. He’s going to take advantage of what he can get.

His mom leans out from the kitchen, a smile plastered onto her face. She looks tired, even though she’s trying not to. Connor knows better. As the cause of most of her stress and frustration, he absolutely knows better. “How was your first day back, sweetie?” she asks. And she’s trying to be so excited for him.

Cynthia Murphy is attempting to hold her household together with pure faked optimism alone. She is the only positive force in the family, but it’s wrong and plastic.

Connor shrugs and makes his way toward the stairs.

“Answer your mother,” Larry says. Sort of mutters, sort of uninterested sounding, sort of irritating.

Connor stops on the bottom stair with his hand on the railing and turns to look at his mom. “It was whatever.”

“Is that all?” She twists a dishrag in her hands.

He sighs. She probably deserves more than that. “It was boring. Missed a lot. I’ve got homework. Probably going to fail out of math. Lunch is still shit—”

“Language,” Larry mutters.

“And the guidance counselor only talked to me for seventeen minutes this time.” Connor glances to his mom. “So yeah. It was okay.”

Cynthia smiles again, a little less forced. “I’m glad. I’ll call you for dinner, see what you can get done, okay?”

Connor nods.

He’d rather not deal with dinner.

—«·»—

“How’s Evan?” is this first question Cynthia asks when Connor sits down for dinner and puts half a spoonful of tonight’s vegetable of the day on his plate.

“He’s fine,” Connor mutters. He needs to end this conversation as fast as humanly possible.

“That’s wonderful, he seems like a nice boy.”

Larry hums in agreement and Connor tries not to grimace. Zoe just looks bored.

“He’s…cool.” Maybe vague compliments will work until his mom gets tired of this line of questioning.

“You’ve never told us about Evan,” she muses. “You aren’t even friends on Facebook!”

Connor’s brain goes into panic mode because oh shit. Of course Cynthia checked Facebook, that’s possibly one of the most predictable things she’s ever done. Which— fuck, Connor definitely should’ve seen this coming.

“People don’t use Facebook anymore, Mom,” Zoe says flatly, staring down at her plate.

Connor glances at her and then does a double take, gesturing to her. “That.”

Cynthia purses her lips. “I still use it.”

Zoe flicks her gaze to Connor before looking back to their mom. “You know what I mean.”

“I can ask him if he has one if you want me to,” Connor says, because if this conversation doesn’t end he’s going to come up with some sort of escape plan and he does not have a good track record with those.

Cynthia smiles and, god, does Connor feel guilty. This better be worth it in the long run.

Connor goes to school like he doesn’t have to drag himself out of bed and force himself into the car. He pretends he doesn’t hate Zoe’s music choices or notice that she stops more suddenly than she has to. He just grits his teeth and focuses on the cookie cutter houses they’re passing.

He hates the suburbs.

“I have rehearsal today,” Zoe says when she parks the car. “Figure out how to get home or wait.”

Connor rolls his eyes and slams the door harder than he knows he has to. “I’ll walk,” he grumbles.

The thing about high school is that it’s boringly and horribly constant. It’s also just fucking awful, but it’s mind numbing and dull. Even if Connor actually tried, and he can’t exactly remember the last time he did, he would not be having a good time.

He’s pretty sure the only people who have a good time in high school are the people whose lives will only go downhill from here and the people who are fucking lying to themselves.

The bells are piercing and make him grimace and the awful rotating yet standard schedule is one of the worst things to ever happen to him. He hates seeing the same people in the same space every single day. He can hear Alana Beck talking his ear off about the factory system and how the American education system creates people who follows rules more than anything else as she conformed to the system and followed all the rules back when they were sophomores in a boring, standard english class that left Connor feeling tired and bored.

He stalks down the hallway, glaring whenever anyone gets too close. One of the few perks of being known as the kid who may actually try to kill someone. People leave him the fuck alone.

The last time he really did homework was the end of sophomore year. All he has to do is not fail. And that doesn’t require doing homework.

If Connor tried, he could probably be a half decent student. But Zoe tries hard enough for the both of them and he would rather just get high.

At this point, his biggest problem in school is staying conscious through the whole thing.

He spends lunch in the library, hiding in a back corner where no one ever goes and pulls a random book off the shelves and reads about someone he’s never heard of until the bell rings and he forces himself to go back to a class that makes his eyes glaze over as people discuss readings that he absolutely did not do.

Connor finds himself getting almost anxious as the end of the day nears. He’s not sure why, sure Evan wants to talk, but it can’t be that bad. Evan holds the cards at the moment, but they’re both in this mess together. The worst Connor can think of is Evan bringing Kleinman and Kleinman being…himself.

Connor stalls in his last class for a few minutes while everyone clears out. His teacher ignores him to talk to a student that actually tries and once the hallways have cleared a bit, Connor gets up and takes the long way to the computer lab.

The long way is away from the school entrance, meaning the hallways are almost empty aside from a few laggers. No one wants to spend any more time in this hellhole than necessary. With it’s annoying posters and rows and rows of never ending lockers that no one ever uses. They’re pointless, just there for show and storing things kids aren’t supposed to have on school grounds.

When Connor pushes open the door to the computer lab, Evan Hansen is awkwardly standing in the middle of the room, gripping the straps of his backpack in his hands.

Connor raises his eyebrows at him. “Hey.”

Evan takes a shaky breath. “H-hi.”

“So.” Connor drops his back on the floor and kicks it closer to one of the tables. “You wanted to talk.”

“I-I wanted to apologize,” Evan says quickly, “for yesterday because I didn’t mean to— I shouldn’t have assumed or, like, implied that you were, I mean, that you wanted to—” He shakes his head. “That you were. Using me? That was— I was…confused by— confused because of, of the timing but that doesn’t mean it was…okay.”

Connor crosses his arms. “Yeah, well, if I kill myself it’s not going to be fucking performance art.”

Evan winces.

“If my family is going to mourn something they’re going to mourn actual me, not the me some stranger makes up because my mom thinks we’re buddies or something even though we aren’t even friends on Facebook.”

Evan frowns. “F-facebook?”

Connor waves a hand. “Never mind. The point is, I was using you. Just not…like that. I am using you. Currently. Present tense. If…you’re still in?” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out another twenty dollar bill. He holds it out to Evan.

Evan stares at it. “Y-you still want to…to do this?”

“I have three choices,” Connor says. “One: we keep doing this and then slowly break it off. Two: we fake a big fight and never speak to each other ever again. Or three: I tell my parents it was a lie. Haven’t thought that one through yet.”

Evan chews on his bottom lip. “Okay.”

Connor raises an eyebrow. “You’re in?”

Evan nods.

“Good.” He walks over to Evan and shoves the money into his hand. He yanks his hand away and shoves it in his pocket before Evan can tell it’s shaking.

“W-why—?”

“It’s been a week,” Connor explains. “There’s your twenty. We agreed to that.”

Evan stares at the bill in the palm of his hand. “Um…right. Right. Do we,” he glances up at Connor, “are there…other rules? Or like? A plan or are we just…?”

“Winging it?” Connor suggests.

Evan makes a face. “Let’s— can we not do that? That sounds like a bad idea.”

“Okay fine. Rule number one, we don’t tell anyone else about this.” Connor gestures between the two of them. “If no one else knows, it’s easier to keep it a secret.”

Evan grimaces. “J-Jared will know.”

“What?”

“He— Jared can always tell when I’m lying, he’s-he’s really good at it. It’s…kind of scary, actually.”

Connor scowls. “Seriously? Are you that bad a liar?”

Evan shakes his head quickly. “We’ve just known each other— it’s been so long he can just…tell.”

Connor sighs. “Okay then. Can we trust Jared?”

“I wouldn’t say that.”

“We’re fucked.”

“I-I think…” Evan trails off.

“You think what?” Connor prompts.

Evan takes a breath. “I think…if we tell him an-and explain everything, we have a better chance of him keeping it a secret. Because then he— he’s included in it or something? Since he’ll figure it out anyway it might just be best to…to tell him right away.”

If someone has to know, Connor would not have chosen Jared Kleinman to be that person. But if he has to do it…

“Whatever,” Connor decides. “We swear him to secrecy and threaten to hurt him if he tells anyone.”

Evan tugs on his shirt. “Um…yeah th-that— okay.”

Connor rolls his eyes. “I won’t actually hurt him.”

“I knew that,” Evan mutters.

“We can come up with other rules on the fly,” Connor offers.

Evan opens his mouth and then closes it quickly.

“What?”

“I…” He shakes his head. “It’s nothing.”

Connor groans. “It’s not nothing! Just tell me!”

“I don’t know anything about you!” Evan bursts out. “H-how do we—? We’re supposed to be best friends? How long have we been friends? What do we do when we hang out? What if people ask us questions?!”

Those are good points that Connor hadn’t considered because he’s been doing this on impulse. Obviously, Evan has thought this through a bit more. Connor runs a hand through his hair. “Are you free right now?”

“N-not right now,” Evan stutters. “Later tonight?”

“You still have my phone number?” Connor asks instead.

Evan nods.

“Text me when you’re free, we can figure stuff out then.” Connor moves to leave. “If…you’re cool with that?”

“Fine!” Evan says quickly.

Connor eyes him before shrugging and turning away. “Okay. I’ll see you later then.”

“Yeah…s-see you”

—«·»—

Connor walks home from school, because Zoe is at rehearsal for another hour and he’s a.) not hanging around school for that long and b.) not spending more time in the car with her than necessary. It takes a while and his mom is still somehow worried about him crossing a highway, but he doesn’t care. The walk is strangely nice. Kind of calming and gives him some time to think. Mostly about Evan Hansen.

Knowing his mother, they’re going to need a hell of a backstory. She likes to dig until she hits rock bottom. And then she pulls out a pick ax and starts swinging.

“I’m home!” he shouts as he throws open the front door. He closes it and waits for the usual “how was school, honey?” to come from the kitchen before he starts making his way up the stairs.

“It was fine,” he answers. “Doing homework.”

Connor didn’t think either of them believed that, but whatever. He threw his bag onto the floor and kicked off his shoes before flopping onto the bed.

Now he just has to wait for Evan.

—«·»—

Connor wakes up with a jerk when his phone starts buzzing repeatedly. He rolls onto his back and pulls his phone out of his pocket, squinting at the screen as his heart tries to calm down.

From: (522) 114-8119 To: Connor      Im hom e      Sorry if htis is a bad item for you

Connor changes the contact name from the number to Evan’s name before he responds.

From: Connor To: Evan      its fine im not doing anything      can i come over yours?

Connor glances around his room, eyes settling on the doorframe. They definitely can’t do this here. He hopes Evan is cool with them sitting in an abandoned playground if all else fails.

From: Evan To: Connor      Thats fine!!!      You need my address don t you that would probably be helplfu

He keeps laying in bed until Evan’s sent the address and Connor has found it on Google Maps. He can walk, it’s not too bad.

The world spins a little bit when he stands up from his bed, swaying and darkening as the blood rushes from his head.

Connor stumbles out of his room and down the stairs, figuring he probably doesn’t need to bring anything with him to Evan’s. All they’re going to do is talk.

He glances at the time. Hopefully his mom doesn’t care if he skips dinner tonight.

Connor takes a pit stop in the kitchen and steals an apple from the bowl on the island on his way to the front door.

“Dinner is soon,” Zoe says pointedly from where she’s leaning against the counters.

Connor ignores her. “I’m going over Evan’s,” he says to Cynthia.

She looks up from the frying pan in surprise. “You are?”

He shrugs and takes a bite of the apple. “Yeah we’re going to…” he should’ve thought of an excuse earlier, “play a video game. Or something.”

Cynthia claps her hands together. “That’s great! Have fun and let me know when you get there and when you’re on your way back, okay?” She presses a kiss to Connor’s cheek. “And make sure you eat!”

“I will,” Connor mumbles.

“You don’t even know him,” Zoe mutters.

Fuck. He should’ve known Zoe backing him up last night was an outlier. Connor glares at her and flips her off.

“Zoe, be nice,” Cynthia says firmly. “Text me when you get there, Connor.”

He nods and leaves before Zoe can make any more commentary. He can only hope she doesn’t press it while he isn’t there.

Connor eats his apple as he follows the directions on his phone. Evan’s house isn’t too far, but it’s already starting to get darker and this town is shit, so the streets aren’t exactly well lit.

He stands on a street corner and watches a truck go by with complete disregard for a stop sign before he crosses the street and turns onto Evan’s road.

Connor pauses outside the house that matches the number and description Evan gave. He sends a quick text as he walks up the walkway to the front door.

From: Connor To: Evan      outside what i think is your house      gonna knock

Connor knocks once before the door swings open. He blinks in surprise as Evan stares at him.

Connor clears his throat. “Hey…can I come in?”

Evan steps out of the way. “Y-yeah of course you can— just. Yeah, take off your shoes here that’s… You can do that.”

Connor steps inside and takes off his boots as Evan closes and locks the door. “Parents home?” he asks.

Evan shakes his head. “No my mom’s— she’s working late tonight. Long night.”

“Dad?” Connor asks absentmindedly as he drops his boots by Evan’s shoes.

He looks up when Evan doesn’t answer.

Evan is staring at the floor with his eyebrows furrowed, picking at his cast.

“Oh shit, I didn’t mean—”

“I-it’s fine,” Evan interrupts. “He’s not here. It’s just— just me and my mom.” Evan gestures down the hallway. “Let’s just— follow me.”

He leads Connor into a kitchen, smaller and older than the one in the Murphy household. There’s a twenty dollar bill sitting on the table and a pile of dirty dishes in the sink.

“I-I don’t have any—” Evan shakes his head. “I have money to order pizza if…you want.”

“Maybe in a bit.” Connor leans against the counter. “I uh…never apologized for taking that letter, did I?”

Evan laughs awkwardly. “N-not real— I mean it’s fine! It’s fine it’s, it’s not a big deal it’s just…”

“What?” Connor asks slowly. “What was it?”

Evan takes a deep breath and tugs on the hem of his shirt. “I-it was an assignment for— for therapy.”   

Connor raises his eyebrows. “You go to therapy?”

“Yeah? I, um, I have… severe anxiety?” Evan gestures to himself. “And depression but that’s kind of— to a lesser extent usually? But yeah. It’s um…the letter— it’s supposed to make me more positive about my day? Uh, dear Evan Hansen, today’s going t-to be a good day and here’s why…” He trails off and glances to the sink.

Connor hesitates before he says his next thought. “My parents… They thought it was a my suicide note.”  

Evan closes his eyes tightly and opens them. “Uh yeah well, I-I mean it’s…it’s supposed to be a positive thing but it’s— it’s almost never a good day? In fact it’s usually a very bad day and the first day of school was a— it wasn’t…There wasn’t much positive in it. And Zoe, I— The letter was— It wasn’t meant for you it was for this assignment. And Zoe is— after you, you know.” Evan gestures to Connor and Connor tries not to grimace.

“Zoe saw me and-and she talked to me and she’s— Ihavethisreallysillycrushonher which is silly because I don’t even know her! The letter says I don’t even know her cause I don’t, she’s just— she’s a girl who’s pretty and nice and she smiles a lot and she doesn’t seem bothered by anything.” Connor raises his eyebrows. “She seems to have herself figured out and that’s— she’s just a girl I see sometimes and I guess that’s—”

Evan ducks his head. “She saw me and she helped me up. That doesn’t happen. Not— not to me.”

Connor looks away. There are a lot of things to process in that and his mind doesn’t want to process any of them. His eyes land on the money on the table.

“What kind of pizza do you like?” Connor asks.

“W-what?”

Connor steps forward and picks up the bill. “Pizza,” he repeats. “What do you want? I’ll make the call.”

Evan blinks a few times. “Uh…cheese is fine?”

“Cool.” He pulls out his phone. “Let’s see how much food we can get for twenty bucks.”

Evan gives him a weak smile. “O-okay.”

Connor paces around the kitchen as he places the order at the pizza place. There are places in town where you can order online, but their sauce isn’t as good and their breadsticks are shitty. Once he’s hung up, he sits down at the table and gestures for Evan to do the same.

“You wanted to figure things out, right?” Connor asks, tapping his fingers on the table.

Evan nods.

“Let’s do this then.”

[bigbrothernetflix-st]

EPISODE ONE

“its week ONE. why is everyone being so cracked i hate it here i absolutely hate it here someone take me out with a sniper rifle” - aria 

HOH: Jev UPSIDE DOWN: Jacob & Gina NOMINEES: Kiki & Nash POV: Nash FINAL NOMINEES: Kiki & Mo EVICTED: Mo (14-1)

PRESEASON CAST ASSESSMENT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dEdLzVoyttU&list=PLFEwPPy8j010XXwntq80VSU0qLNTNpSIN&index=2&t=0s

JOEY

WOO holy shit this cast is filled with such insane personalities, and I cannot WAIT to play this game!

NASH

tell me why i'm already nervous

NASH

waits patiently for mo to pick another damn person to infect

GINA

skghkdgljhgdlj BRAIN HURTY,, sm people to talk to and everyone is so so nice! just glad I'm not winning hoh

ARIA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-bwCxQGRhk

alternative title: im very mean for 20 minutes

KIKI

so far the cast seems very sweet! a little quiet so far but otherwise im really enjoying talking to them!! and i think the twist is a cool idea but could be dangerous.... maybe a little too easy to expose alliances

GINA

I really like this cast! I'm actually really good friends with Aria (but we keeping that a secret) and I recognize Joshua from other orgs! Also, this twist seems super fun!

ARIA

okay,,,,okay,,,ok,,,k my brain is struggling to complie everything ive learned today i am STRUGGLING!!!!

So!! Lets make a tier list

We're working together (didnt even need to discuss)

-Nathan

-Jacob

-Gina

Asked to work together

-Joey

-Joshua

Implied we're working togther but lower tier

-Jev

-Josh C

-Monty

Super Sweet & Nice

-Bri

-Kiki

-Dem

-Mo

Sweet but i want a response

-Nick

-Emma

_saira

-jake

-Nash

So thats what i've gathered for today mostly, Jacob-Joey-Jev-Joshua all seem to really want to work close with me and we've talked a bit of game ( ITS ALL THE Js HELP) and seem super open while the girls seem more closed off as of now, kinda worried gina isnt gonna be active enough but idk, oh also everyone is noticing bri is CHAOS and that nick is talkative/assertive. more to update in a bit but heres a trust ranking for night one, one more thing jev said he doesnt like nathan or nick :OO and someone else mentioned nick being overbearing

1.Gina (i love her to the moon and back)

2. Nathan( the charisma SNAPPED this game go off sir!!)

3. Josh C (they're also charismatic but they're hecking hilarious and our view are pretty similar) 

4.Jev (they cared about me!! and im nice to them and this is just really wholesome)

5.Jacob (LOVE him but we havent talked enough beyond "we're winning this game")

6.Joshua (super fun to talk to, same og community king)

7.Bri (they wont keep info to themselves but shes SO sweet pls take my heart)

8. Joey (hes kinda sketching me out tbh but also he wants to work with me so)

9.Nick (they wouldnt put me up and thats all i could ask for)

10.Monty (PLEASE trust me i need ur braincells)

12.Kiki (sHES SO SWEET AND GOOD AT ART ADORE HER)

13.Mo (existential dread buddies <3)

14.Dem(approached game w/ me,,,but on the first message so might be doing that w/ everyone)

15.Nash (kate protection gang!!!)

16.Saira (we loVE DOGS! and thats it)

17.Emma (feel better soon,,,then pls talk to me k thanks)

18.Aria (dont trust anyone,,,not even yourself)

DEM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykD4dZjsDl0

BRIANNA

https://youtu.be/odNZXz-jNtw

MO

If alliances have been made already, I am gonna have some QUALMS... This cast is very cute, I love meeting new people, let's see we have

Aria - an ANGEL we've been talking about SIX the musical and slime tutorials

Brianna - The first person to recognize me using a Carole & Tuesday song in any of my videos. I'm v grateful.

Dem - He kinda jokes like a mom... 

Emma - I'm friends with Emma outside of the game and she is such a chaotic sweetheart. We been in the house a day and she plays Lois Griffon singing Doja Cat... for what...

Gina - I have not talked with her, I just said hi.

Jacob - Jacob is nice. I think I've yet to have a super positive ORG experience with him tho. So. Yeah.

Can I do the rest tomorrow cus I'm tired and just not in the mood. Okay thank you.

SAIRA

I was a little surprised by the amount of people dming me but they all seemed pretty nice! The twist sounds cool, I'm excited to see how it plays out

JEV

i definitely did NOT expect to win the first hoh but here we are, i have no idea what i'm gonna do but i need sleep so that's tomorrows problem

JOSH C

HELLO! it's your boy josh coming to give you some thoughts on the cast. coming into this game, the only person i know of beforehand is.. JACOB who has managed to snake me in both games we've played together so that's cute. i don't really have a choice but to trust him for now bc that's my only outside connection so we'll see how it goes. he's fun to talk to so i don't really mind but my eyes are PEELED for it going south.

my favorites just from the first night are probably aria, kiki, nathan, and saira. for no REAL reasons other than i just feel like i've had the best conversations with them and they were more fun than the rest of the cast. i'm not sure if those will stay the same but that's HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW!!

i've reached out to everyone and heard back from everyone (other than nash.. dunno what that's about so i'll just let it sit there. i don't REALLY mind bc it's good if i win HOH because it's a good reason to throw someone up there). everyone is cute enough, though i think i've connected LEAST with brianna, dem, joey, and monty? just haven't gotten a lot of energy back from them but i'm hoping that was just FIRST NIGHT jitters of people not putting in their full effort into their social game.

i'm going to spend today just chatting with people so i have a base relationship with them and that way if jev goes the route of asking people who they'd him to nominate -- i'm not someone they name simply for not knowing who i am. trying to be a little SOCIAL QUEEN. fun and funky so let's hope it pays off.

for the twist, i'm not really sure how to play this. i don't think the first round is going to have the BEST power hidden in it but it'd be nice to know that i for sure won't be first boot. (though i'm feeling OKAY enough that jev won't kill me bc we've talked at least). i think i'm going to wait a minute before i ask someone to send me in, or someone just sends me in on their own accord. that way people don't look at me for having a secret power bc it'll be really easy to narrow down who has one and that's just such an unnecessary way to get a target on your back. i like the twist, it's just hard to figure out how to play it and maybe i should just wait until someone does it for me or i'm one of the later people to get it so i get safety when there are less people in the house and it'll be harder to survive.

xoxo gossip josh

SKINNY NICK

https://youtu.be/yNBReh_pBPk

NATHAN

He's here, he's queer... and oddly enough starting off by not doing a Video DR; however, I think when making an initial first impression/trust list this method seems to go a little smoother... First off, coming right off of Big Brother Pasio and thrown into this game has made my head hurt more than it should. I forgot how annoying and tiresome the initial conversations are with everybody. With that said, I have begun to kinda pick out a path that may be suitable for me this season. In Pasio, my goal was to lay low, not be seen, and form connections. That strategy is going to be partially active this time around as well. I'm a big personality, and while that's fun and cute, I learned by keeping a low profile in the beginning portion while remaining social it does wonders. I don't need to be a Skinny Nick character and be talking in the house call and house chat at every ounce I get. With that being said, this season is full of Pasio players... some in which I had both good and bad experiences with. However, pushing that aside I really have my eyes set and locked on Aria. I have a feeling that the other Pasio alumni may see her for how she played in Pasio and I do as well, but I want to make sure her and I are on as good as terms as possible. She did NOT like me in Pasio, so rekindling that flame is ultra important. Alongside Aria, I get to play with both Monty and Jacob who I've had rocky relationships with in the past, but have grown to become great friends outside this. Working with them is going to be vital, but keeping them too close is suicide. With that being said, here's my initial trust ranking:

1. Aria

2. Jacob 

3. Nash

4. Jev

5. Josh

6. Monty

7. Joey

8. Nick

- - -

END LIST

JOSH C

okay, well nominations just came out and i can't say i'm too surprised that nash got nominated for eviction considering she hasn't responded to me yet and most everyone else is saying the same. i can't really imagine anyone using the veto on her unless she has a complete social turn around in the next 24 hours but that seems like.. a stretch. just gotta hope she doesn't win! we love an easy first week boot!

i'm a little sad about kiki getting nominated because i've really hit it off with them, but i think it's a good way to secure some trust with them and spark off a relationship. i've been trying to already be like YOU GOT THIS, YOU'RE STAYING! NASH DOESN'T TALK TO ANYONE! and i think they're being receptive. i like that i can joke around with them, so i'm hoping they enjoy me as much as i enjoy them.

i've also had aria and jake come talk to me about noms which means they trust me and that's GOOD. i want to try to secure something with them soon because i think they're both people that would want to work with me and i know that jake doesn't have a lot of connections already so being an early ally of his would be BIG.

just trying to focus on being a cute little social presence so people don't really focus on targeting me early on. i think this is a game full of half social players and some.. not so exciting people so it'll be easy to just slip through by not being the most boring person around. i don't want to promise TOO many people loyalty just yet but i think building a small core for myself will be important to keep me safe and i'm hoping that can come with jake/aria/kiki/jacob(?)

JAKE

chile............. where the fuck am i?

i dont know what dimension i'm in right now with these people but i am ready to show them what i am made of!! so far i've felt..... on the outs of most of what is going on so im just gonna give my perspective on things so far!! 

the cast....... ill just do an assessment

dem: said maybe three words to me since we've started... so there's that

saira: seems like a queen! i def need to talk to her more i've been sleeping on her and i think we'll get along well

joey: girl sometimes idk what this man is saying to me but we're rolling w it..

nash: her "sick" ass hasnt responded to my message from yesterday so bye

joshua: oh he can work! hes fun to talk to and i def see some potential to working with him. hes only 16 so yung so pure i remember those days </3

nathan: hes so hot god i literally want to eat his entire ass but i dont wanna be creepy so im trying to subtly flirt with him SDLKJFSKF he seems to be a sneaky player to me but hopefully thats not the case and we can be a showmance later on hehe

emma: LEGEND. QUEEN! PUT SOME RESPECT ON HER NAMEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my ride or die in this thing <3

jev: oh jevfrey my angel im so happy he's here!!! he's a loyal guy from what i remember and ill def be working with him ESPECIALLY now that hes the first hoh ayyyyY!!!! i feel completely safe with him

kiki: oh i LOVE THEMMMM we had a great connection from the jump and i have a soft spot for them for sure. theyre sadly nominated this week i did not know why jev made that decision but i will make sure they stay know THAT

monty: monty left me on read :( we had a kinda awk convo so idk how monty feels about me right now?? i def dont think he trusts me and ugh i hate the tension!!!!!!!! i hope we can resolve it all and be friends again

josh: KDJKFG i love this man... hes not entire truthful and is def playing me a bit but i think he's great and hopefully he doesnt turn out to be the snake i think he has the potential to be

gina: idk what to think of this girl she doesn't reply much to me and we haven't really spoken much for me to really get a good read of her. i infected her and idk if she'll take that a certain way i came to her with the explanation that we just havent talked as much. idk shes fine?

mo: hahhaha hes a cutie too and i think hes not much of a talker so i think hes nice for the most part it's just kinda hard talking to him sometimes

brianna: um....... yeah we haven't spoken yet and she infected me so idk how to feel about her yet. she claims it was this number system but do i fully believe thats what she based it on? not really.. so ill def have to talk to her more

aria: NOW THIS........ THIS IS ELEGANCE. THIS IS CLASS. THIS IS EXPENSIVE. THIS IS TASTE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! this 15 year old girl has me shaking to my god damn core with her social game within a 20 minute conversation ive already devoted my entire game to her and our "attention whores" alliance. iM GAGGGEDDDD i really like her and i know shes a big threat but if shes with me then we can do some damage together hehe

skinny nick: SKINNYYYYY i dont have much to say about nick i think they're well connected in this game so i have to make sure i'm good with them a little more. our convos are a little dry hopefully that'll change as the game goes on

jacob: a sweetie.. i really like jacob as a person but as a player he scares the shit out of me DSLKFGFKJ he lied to me like every round in BBHOS9 so i dont rly know if i can trust him. he def has other friends in this community hes playing with so ill have to sus out who exactly that is...

and......... yeah! kiki and nash are nommed. gina n jacob went to the down under. i think jacob will def get whatever power is down there he is one lucky man so i wouldn't be surprised if it's something good. oh well hopefully when i go i get whatever the best thing is a dpov mayhaps!.......

i hope the next hoh is something i can win because i want these people to TALK TO MEEEE tell me where their heads are at for god's sake! me on day 2: why arent you telling me all your alliances? dFGKLF i feel like im okay just gotta talk to some said people more and try to make sure they dont hate me!

JOSHUA

I thought Jev was nice but I'll have to go back on that because he absolutely is not fooling a single person, I thought we'd be allies but he's been acting sus all day so he can choke on rat piss. Joey and nick literally aren't talking to me at awl so... they can choke and die too. Aria is talking to me a lot but I know she talks to everyone a lot sjdkjds queen of big brother pasio... but I trust her for now I guess. Other than that I'm not super like concerned with anyone else I mean brianna kiki gina mo are nice I guess.. mo is a little hard to talk to though so :( anyway glad to be here but my social is kind of rocky skjdjskdj : ( ( ( ( ( 

JEV

SKINNY NICK

https://youtu.be/0Kb-twzCkYI

MO

trying to hint to dem that I’m not okay... wonder if it’s working

ARIA

its week one. its week ONE. why is everyone being so cracked i hate it here i absolutely hate it here someone take me out with a sniper rifle im sick of this, but its fine im gonna try to do my best to explain EVERYTHING bc whew is there a lot..

First off lets start with the fact ive been talking with everyone from the moment i woke up and my fingers hurt so much but also now people like me and thats all i need in life so heck yes!! So when it was nash vs kiki i start planting seeds to keep kiki with people and then nash wins veto so thats thrown out the window yayyyy- 

Things start happening after jev renoms Mo. First off i get a call with crack kills (joey bri me) and we discuss the vote a little bit with Joey leaning towards keeping Mo and Me/Bri wanting to keep Kiki, joey leaves and me and bri talk about the alliance we were invited to (jacob josh jake kiki us) and then i notice theres a house vc which i then go and join alone.

It was silent for a bit before they mentioned they were talking about votes and were being kinda secretive about names but i asked directly so Mo tells me that dem told him that there was 5 confirmed votes against Mo (nash Jacob Nick Joshua/Jacob(dont remember which) and Josh c) he said the names really fast so i mightve missed a few and nathan interjects about my notes and like??? shut up nathan???? anyways i act all shook about an alliance and we talk about votes and apparently when mo campaigned to bri she just sent "hugs" and im caCKLIGN FDSGFDSH anyways that confirmed 5 votes is gonna make people nervous and cause people to keep Mo which like, im not totally against but i just want a unan vote please. Also i think dem & emma dont really trust me which is big ughhh idk if one of the pregame girlies (any of the names from that list) win hoh next week ill throw one of them utb easy peasy 

So then i start asking around to gina and she ghosts me??? gina NEVER ghosts me so im sketched out there and Mo is asking for my help when i already told kiki i would save her its such a messsss. So if i had to guess the sides i would say 

PREGAME GIRLIES: Nash Jacob Jake Joshua Josh c kiki

UNCONNECTED NOT PROTECTED: Dem Joey Emma Nathan Mo

Whomst: Saira Jev Monty Nick Gina Bri

Help: Aria

So, where do i go from here? How do i make sure this vote comes out hecking even,,, im not sure. nvm i am sure because Mo just told me they want to give up HFBHJBSDFS MO MY SAVIOR ILL NEVER FORGET YOU KING <<<<3333333 okay nvm hes not fully giving up but im giving him an avenue that would make my life much easier where im telling him to have good convos with people so they connect more and if anyone feels moved theyll come to me and ill get the ball rolling with a easy peasy unan vote hopefully. But i think i might be able to manipulate this situation to my advantage WHEW im hyped now!!

So lets say mo leaves the thought of those "five confirmed votes" is still gonna be in peoples heads mainly dem/joey/emma/nathan which might form into a side and go hard for hoh taking out some big social player and then we have two sides going after each other which would be cute.

I would make trust rankings but i trust no one fbhsafd and thats on pewiod

JAKE

WHEW!!!!!!!!!!! im not the first boot :~) let's celebrate that.... 

but i'm not too thrilled about these noms...... im happy nash won POV she started talking to me more and shes actually really cool so i wanted her to stay. i am sad kiki is nominated i don't want them to go at all..... and mo being the replacement nominee was a shock to everyone i think..... 

i don't have a problem with mo leaving cuz we have a weak connection i just thought dem was going up based on my prior conversations with jev. he says dem started talking to him more but i just wish jev would talk to me and emma about his decisions if we're "aligned"?? like whats the point of having an alliance if we don't have any say in your decisions?

today i woke up to a message from josh asking me what i think about being in an alliance with jacob brianna aria and kiki........ and im just like wtf where this come from and he said that jacob is making it and its just his fave ppl??? im like ok like im not one to turn down an alliance but i let him know that i dont rly trust jacob n brianna as much as the others in the alliance. hopefully this makes him feel close to me and not blab his mouth to jacob ab that! 

brianna has yet to speak to me and jacob is just someone im always gonna have a hard time trusting sooo if i have to nominate them down the line i won't hesitate unless this alliance is genuine and helping me in the game.

i really only trust emma so far with aria being my secret spy and big meat shield im gonna need in this game. aria's super well connected and im hoping she'll be able to provide me w the information i need to take bitches down later on. 

i think i'd be worried about brianna winning bc we've never talked but at least we have this alliance possibly in the works?? and i dont know if nick would nominate me we haven't talked much..

but i want to win the next hoh so people actually talk to me LOL praying i can win