#it's not like. bad or anything i just wasnt expecting it
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I have acquired. Tape recorder
#was this a wise use of money? probably not#but am i excited about it? yes#i have Ideas#anyway now I'm learning how to use a tape recorder#and i have like 10 90 minute blank tapes#tried to put it in like a cd at first which is Not how that works#mypost#the tapes. i think specifically the magnetic film in the tape?#has a distinctive smell that it didnt occur to me to expect.#it's not like. bad or anything i just wasnt expecting it#i only very vaguely remember tapes from childhood and i think they were outdated then#like early 2000s#but i had a weird moment when i first opened the package with the tape#where i vividly remembered an image of the back with the space for writing or something very like it#with no additional context. just recognized having seen it before
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NOT
#munch sketches#wasnt it called my sketches. i dont remember. i dont care#not#my ocs#etc#ive had a really bad week. i dont usually have bad weeks. i dont think abt the past. i just move on#but it was a bad week. i was forced to sleep all day wed bc i was so sick and cramped that i couldnt do anything#this week was supposed to be a week off but then i was forced to go do volunteering for a school event for days and it rained all week#and i bought a new printer that im going to return tomorrow bc it sucks as expected. epson ecotank 2400 dont buy it. its not good quality-#wise. i keep pushing off my “day off” days further and further. i was supposed-#to take a day off for the weekend but that didnt happen. my next day off may be friday hopefully#it doesnt help that i dont like having unproductive days. but i really badly need one to bum around and relax soon or i might bite someone
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might sound weird to say as a person with a couple ocs who have Big Horrible Event(s) in their backstories or as a person who has like 3 ocs total bc he sucks at writing and as a person who hopes their ocs arent too Boring with [the thing im about to mention] but the thing about writing [characters] and [people] is that like.
any little thing a person experiences can take up their whole existence... its actually something "fun" to experience as i meet new ppl and do more things. My friend had something happen that she'll be talking about forever. I had several things happen last year that ill never stop talking about, some of which other ppl think werent that bad actually. In the same way I'll forever remember about the way my sister accidentally insulted me almost 10 years ago, it's really interesting and Fun to find and assign smaller things like that to characters...its really Real. some people's dealbreakers are other people's solvable problems etc etc
#(as well as the opposite: Big Event that maybe shocks everyone around em but they genuinely werent shaken by)#though this one is more common and leads to those ''ohh i didnt know that was normal oops'' moments#talkys#inspired by recent me and friend events#and also recent events where i told sum ppl more stuff about Thing and they responded as if it wasnt a big deal. but it was to me.#and also how i thought a part of al's childhood backstory was kind of maybe dumb and not realistically as impactful as id expect#but i saw someone on reddit almost word for word write that as their experience and how its shaped em as a person#and thats it like... the small things are boring and hard to keep track of sometimes#its not like you'll include every single little event your oc was shaped by in their bio#but idk. its like Fun to piece together for fun. to mold a human being#ykwim? wld be silly to tell everyone ''oh my oc struggles with self image due to many instances like... when their sister called em ugly''#or write it anywhere but it is fun to Know and have in your head. and its real !#just like if a friend told you about something that happened to em#long post#delete later#sorry i keep saying stupid obvious shit lately ive always been bad at oc making AND socializing so im learning everything late#but anyway yes. idk even as i keep making ocs that are ''similar'' its like. every person so different#people can react to anything in any way for any reason. i love people#this is why i struggle a bit with keeping ocs to archetypes i guess bc like. what is ooc for an oc. people contain contradictions all the#time. you can change yourself at any time.#ok nobody will read this far so ill go to the real insane rambling#part of this has been a part of my chats with talon while trying to get him to share more info#like. yeah ok you're 400+ years old the things that happened to you were such a comparatively small part of your life#but humans dont live as long and think about small things until they die. i dont think time would heal all wounds actually. not all of em#some thoughts just always come to gnaw at your brain. its ok to not be over things. i feel ill never be over some things#and also complainerism can be fun but thats something else entirely wee hee ^_^
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YPU GUYS I JUST FOUND MY ART TRACED AND REPOSTED TO FUCKING PINTEREST IM GONNA CRYDHDN 😭😭😭
#IM GONNA SOBB#IM LIKE. YK MAYBE TTS VAT7K FANDOM WASNT ACTUALLY THAT BAD. MAYBE ITS JUST TUMBLR#AND THEN I GO TO ANOTHER APP TO LOOK AT TANGLED FANART AND WITHIN LIKE TEN MINUTES I FIND MY ART STOLEN AND TRACED GHFHFHGSGD#HELP MEEE GET ME OUT OF HERREEE HELP#THE WORST PART IS THAT THEY FIXED THE PARTS OF THE DRAWING THAT WERE BAD AMD BUGGED THE HELL OUT OF ME SOB 😭😭#IF YOURE GONNA TRACE MY ART AT LEAST BE WORSE THAN ME LMAO#classic tangled fandom moment tbh 🙏 wouldnt expect anything less or more from u bbg ❤❤#sigh u_u#anyway#i comented on the post and asked them to take it down#and then a couple friends did the same#and we provided a screenshot and links to the post.#hopefully i can get it taken down#wahhh 😔#wormtext#wait omg does thus mean i finally made it as an artist#i did it guys yayyy ❤❤❤❤❤
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#i will warn you only once: tsc spoilers#literally just finished it as i am drafting this its 5am where i live#so you may be subjected to some nonsense#that all being said i have thoughts.and feelings#the kevin was lovely and tasted delicious! jean defending him at every turn even when he swears to hell and back he'll kick his ass#the kevjean was surprising i was only half expecting that#the dog metaphors i have to say i need this one cashed in. nora run me my check#im joking of course dont quote me on it#jean taking kevins promise to the end and living on it is seriously so. well.#'be careful with him' 'take kevin's name out of your ignorant mouth' 'you promised me'#also kevin getting called the court's queen had me tender and on my back oml#jean's relationship with the trojans is sweet and he is very interesting and complicated#a character with many moving parts im sure#there were a few things i did not care for#namely jeremy and the trojans felt remarkably flat to me bar lucas (by far the most interesting) and catalina on occasion#i didnt quite enjoy jeremy's pov and felt like he spent perhaps way too much time worrying over jean? if that makes sense#i wish he had some more complexity to him or really anything to catch a hook on#all we know is hes attractive and smiley and gets along terribly with his family#so much of his character is sucked out by jean he didnt feel like much more than a plot device to me#which i wouldnt mind if jeremy wasnt the literal main character alongside jean#i was living for everything jean thought but had to drag myself through jeremy's pov if im honest#uuuuh what else. neil! funny. deranged. i have to love him#andrew couldnt give less of a fuck about jean which is funny as all fuck#two bugs placed in the same habitat ignoring each other#the thing with elodie i thought was complicated. i wish we knew some more about her or that shed been mentioned a little earlier#but im assuming thats a topic to be revisited#uuuuuuuh yeah so thats most of it. i think my first thought and the one that sticked out the most to me is that the book felt remarkably#pedestrian#not necessarily in a bad way#it lacked to me one of the main appeals of aftg which were the numerous interesting side characters
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funny concept i really wanna do is make a mine dating sim however no matter how hard you try you’ll always get At Most a friendship ending EXCEPT if you put your name in as daigo then it’s just an entirely different game
#snap chats#i wanna do it so bad but i dont know anything about making a dating sim#plus then i'd have to write a whole fanfic which. i mean ive done that before#i think it'd be funny for the 'daigo' story to just actually play as daigo#see i can never making a dating sim cause then id wanna put in like ninety endings#like what wouldve happened if daigo wasnt up to par with mine's expectations#i think The Pivotal Moment for mine realizing he respects/loves daigo was when daigo took a bullet for him#i think it'd be fucked if you can choose Not to do that and mine just dies 💀💀#honestly i almost just want to make a daigo x mine dating sim but the comedy is in the secret daigo route#im procrastinating on my commission again </3
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#personal#it feels like im not allowed to complain about my own life on my own blog#or at least that if im allowed to that it seems very firstworld problem very selfish very not appropriate with all thats going on#that people will and do think less of me for expressing my own sadness and frustrations because theres no way it compares#to a lot of peoples very big and very real problems#but im so fucking sick of being poor and small. all ive had to eat today is 2min noodles roughly 10 hours ago#and all ill get tomorrow is a bowl of 2min noodles but ittl be another 15 or so hours until its the most reasonable to eat that#thats the real girlmath and then thats the last of my noodles. that leaves me with one (1) small tin of tuna#which might end up being tonights intermediary food if i really cant wait 15 nore hours for my next noodles but is supposed to be#the one meal of the day after tomorrow. so if i eat it too soon then i have even more time that i just dont fucking eat#im so sick to death of being in this position. like its literally killing me and theres fuck all i can do to make it better#ive tried. and i try and i try and i try but i can never afford anything#my landagent keeps sending me textx asking when theyll see a patment for my $50 water bill#i have to stop myself from texting back every time. youll see payment when im not spending literally 75% of my pay on rent alone#when i can afford to buy food and bills at the same time. whn i dont feel like kms-ing would be better than paying you my rent every frtnite#i crave a burger so bad i cant make myself do any tasks. i cant start or continue any crafts or chores because all im thinking about#is a burger like a blorbo rotating in my mind alongside the background noise that i wont get a burger and will only get noodles but not for#hours. a whole days worth of hours almost#my shitawful roomate is back and i have to play nice but he gives me the same feelings my abusive mother did. im scared to leave my room#in the safeplace house ive spent the last two years building for myself. this feels awful. things were all going so right and now#all of a sudden theyre all going as wrong as possible and im struggling so much. with no one to help. no one cares enough to help#the few people i do have are wrapped up in their own lives. which i get. but it doesnt take away the hurt of dealing with it all alone again#lot of momma trauma coming up with the end of eclipse season and i thought i was handling it. now i just feel fucking awful all the time#like ik healing isnt linear but the roomate triggers so hard things i thought i had processed and was on top of#would a burger fix that? no but itd atleast give me something to emotionally lean on for strength though it. but all ive got is noodles#24 hour apart one meal per day noodles. and tomorrow is my last pack. my only solace lately is that ive been invited to my first ever rave#or my first real rave anyway ive only been to one other 'edm event' that was not really a rave of any scale it was like 25 people#but its a halloween rave so im hoping for spooky fun dancetimes at least theres that. im out of data and spotifyprem so i havent been able#to take my silly little mental health walks bc theres zero chance im doing that without music and so itll be noce to get outside fr the rave#anyway. im doing very poorly i appreciate you few who reached out while i wasnt active but i expect ill continue to do poorly for some time
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anyway as soon as i pry myself off this couch im gonna share some screenshots of bg3 protags on my sideblog. just gotta like. reach the desk first.
#all i can think about is the shelves im gonna get installed here over the next little bit fdghj#yall dont understand its so hard to keep things clean and brain friendly when you just dont have anywhere to put stuff.#hellish#& then i get overwhelmed and turn into a massive bitch when i try to get it under control fdgh#instead its been like. 2 straight days of dopamine i fucking swear?? my body probably definitely wouldnt let me do this for a living#(my hip is screamingggg dfghgjj) but actually if i could & if i could work in a team then yeah. ykw i enjoy it.#organization go brrrrrrr#i dont think she was expecting me to work that fast either but ive been like a feral animal. skittering over clutter.#finding Spots for Things#okay i lied the flood was actually beneficial in one way to me specifically.#estranged father just forgot a Bunch of tool sets here & ive claimed them now fdghjk#that nail gun is MINE#she suggested i look out for an actual tool chest/bench thing (ykw the ones with wheels and stuff) for everything and i havent been that#excited for anything in months fdgh tools are expensive alright. too bad he took the table saw.#i dont talk much abt my Masc Hobbies as i call them lmao no real reason to but hoooboy i love to Build Things#give me that ikea desk ill have it done in an hour or less every time#maybe trade school is still on the horizon for me gfhj always wanted to Weld Stuff i think id be good at it#as much as i fuckin loathe yard maintenance i was a real garage sooooo bad its not even funny#shame i wasnt just inherently expected to know car stuff tm i feel like i would have loved it too#scarrier to learn on your own later in life especially with a lease vehicle but ill get there eventually#anyway yeah bg3! new mods. new ocs#have not done much with them yet but they Exist and theyre pretty
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theres something kind of annoying to me about how ever since the first sonic movie came out, when discussing potential additions to the cast the common default assumption people have for every single character sonic is friends with has always been that they would become sonics adopted sibling or cousin or something even if they dont have a family type relationship with him at all in the games. but almost nobody is even considering the idea of something like that happening with shadow and are saying that sonic and shadow are gonna fall in love or whatever instead and that this is gonna be the so/nadow movie etc etc
#Again this wasnt prompted by any one post in particular ive just been thinking about it for a bit#i dont really know how to explain Why its annoying though. it just is.#okay well actually part of it is the whole ''shadow cant show up in anything without people immediately making it about so//nadow'' thing#and also the ''we know nothing about their dynamic in this universe how and why are you already THIS invested in shipping them'' thing#but other than that idk how to explain why its annoying#im not saying that youre like a bad person if youve joked about movie sonic and shadow being gay or whatever but . idk#and im also not actively expecting shadow to be adopted by teh wachowskis either#its just the whole . the way people talk about shadow vs the way people talk about literally any other character thing . thats bugging me
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not my boss saying im hot 🧍
#im going to be vague here but she found one of my socials on accident and made a comment to the effect of like. if she wasnt happily married#and i was like#HUH#genuinely top ten things I was not expecting her to say. top ten directions i didnt think shed take that#im flabbergasted chat truly. not in a bad way like. it didnt make me uncomfortable anything it just caught me off guard lol#anyways. maybe im more attractive than previously thought lmao#sbshshsb#my post
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the fuck do you mean I have to leave....
#like. i fully knew this would happen#but the moment is just. so disheartening#'what if we lose the best of our generation' girl so i wasnt the best... cause you just sent me out with low expectations....#<- ngl this fits my character... but at what cost#the way i characterize lori (my vault dweller) is that shes jokey and shes fun and she doesnt take things too seriously#shes had sort of an 'adventuring spirit' and was mostly skilled with weapons and thats why she was sent out#and like. everything was silly to her in the wasteland until her companion (katya) died under the cathedral. then it became too real#and the master conversation traumatized her a bit cause like. here is the creature that caused suffering. and now its real and its so much#more horrible than she was taking it as#also the masters body horror freaked her OUT. cause supermutants etc seemed like just... altered humans. just enemies or just a person#but the master (even tho technically posthuman) was something else entirely#and it became so real and she got a huge reality check and she cant look at anything the same#if not for the master shed probably get back to the vault and keep going in and out. but after the cathedral? she just wanted to go home#safe underground with normal people. maybe nobody would understand her but at least she wouldn't be in that horrible world out there#maybe shed even go with ian and tycho and maybe even dogmeat. and they could be safe from freaks and zealots. but no#when she finally did want to go home - she got locked out. reminded that she was never the best of the generation#and when she finally became that and saved everyone - shes still wrong. not good enough -> too good and too much#shed be a bad influence. she was meant to do the job she was given and shut up and be thrown away when she fulfilled her duty#which ties into her never really doing a job - she doublecrosses gizmo and that maltese falcon guy and the adytum guy etc etc#even when she gets tandi back she goes back to murder everyone there (raiders) though she said she wouldn't#but before it was silly. she was being smart and having fun adventuring even if it got difficult sometimes#but the master was real. katyas death was real. ian almost died. everyone who ever agreed to help her either died or almost died (followers#and bos paladins#)#like shit. lori was NOT meant to be that deep........#also i have thoughts on aria (vault dweller i played before the save got corrupted and i had to abandon him) but there less formed#because when i had to stop playing him and make lori he was only at necropolis for the 1st time#oh my god.... this too ties into lori being always secondary#my poor girl.... i think she died young#young as in like. 30-40
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fun fact i got on a call tn cuz i thought itd make me feel better cuz ive been rly fucking miserable lately n usually that helps but in all honesty it made everything one million times worse n im so sad abt it
#it wasnt even his fault it was my faukt for being like this#n for being a dumb bitch#but it still sucks#n now im jsut laying here all lonely n jealous n upset#n i never wanna call anybody or talk to anybody ever again#n it's my own fuckjn fault#im gonna be like this forever yk#this is jsut the best its gonna get for me n nobody fucking listens when i say that#its all 'it'll get better eventually' 'u just gotta wait until u can do this that m the other'#all that bullshit#n thags all it is its all just bullshit#cuz nobody likes it when somebody's upset nobody likes to just sit with u n let u be upset#n it sucks#it sucks so bad#n i get that i csnt expect anyone to deal w me on the bad nights#cuz the bad nights are mostly all of them#n thags not fair to expect of someone or to even want rly#but goddamn i just wish i had somebody id feel ok talking to#it's so bad man i always feel so bad#its been like this forever n im sick n fucking tired of it#but god fucking forbid a i wanna cut myself abt it#n god fucking forbid it makes me not wanna live so much#jesus fucking christ#theres not a good reason for me to stick around#idont make anybody happy i dknt do anything worth a damn im not worth being around#n thats just how it is#thats just how it fucking is its not even a mstter of opinion
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#personal#was gonna message today but then i DIDNT. IDK. IT DIDNT FEEL RIGHT. AND I DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO SAY.#I KNEE THE TOPIC BUT LIKE. WORDING ?????? WORDS???? IT WOULDNT COME#its okay tho. its okay. i literally have a fuckin note on my phone where i put shid i can talk to him about in the future NDNNDNDJXJDJDJDMD#GOD LMAO. IVE NEVER PUT THIS MUCH EFFORT IN. IM SO......#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh its mostly been me messaging first but like he keeps it going....... GOD LMAO#it was like that in person too tho. like we would just stand/walk n not say anything JDJDJFJKFKFJXMXMX GOD#i wasnt made for this oml. i dont even talk to ppl that much. like idk. iDK.#i just... 1. i dont want him to forget about me 2. i dont want him to think i forgot about him#3. i dont want him to think im not interested in talking to him anymore#ok 2 and 3 are basically the same but JDJDJDJDJDJDJDJD#IM SO BAD AT KEEPING IN TOUCH. LIKE THIS IS SUCH A CONSCIOUS EFFORT ON MY PART. LIKE. I HOPE HE REALIZES????#also like. id love if hed message me first. hes done it before. but there was more to talk about while the sem was still going. now its#like... ok we can talk about exams n grades but now its christmas so like ??????#and like. GOD. is it like... is it TOO MUCH??? to say merry xmas to him?????? or would it be normal?????#im just ???????#GOD. i want him to know i like him but i also uh.... DONT??????? IDK IDK#i also kinda wanna see if we can even be friends outside school. but like HHHHHHHHHH i cant take it. I WANNA SEE HIM XJFIRKRIRFDIODDKHDJZJZ#hhhhhh god pls dont let me be the only one feeling this way istg#im just !!!!!@@@ i never expected this to happen to me ok. but if its Reciprocated. like TRULY. i think i'll actually like. break down#crying JDJDJDJKDKDKDKDKDKX#like Happy tears. like.... Disbelieving tears. hhhhhhhh#but..... n e way. i got this far. and when ppl dont like you they avoid you or come up with excuses. but rather hes moving like Toward me.#like i couldnt have gotten this far without him like.... Participatjng#god its all so new and weird. i just#if youve never felt this way. you probably will one day and wont know what the fuck to do. its all just too weird#literally went from like screamin about sj to like. a guy in my class JDJZKDKKZZMZMZ its fjne. its ok#know hes Cute tho.#thats another thing. i never imagined i could like have someone so Cute.... god. i'll die if he likes me back. hes so so Cute. not my usual#type. like. physically i mean. personality wise hes typical of me NFNFJFJFMFDMDM n e way. hit the tag limit 😳
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ohhhhhhh my god. i was there. i was there
#yes this is about the bbvrai/hlvrai 2 stream#have mixed emotions albeit neutral(?) because i wasnt even there at the start of the stream! i was like doing other shit + talking to my mo#when it started so i came in to watch it at the end. i thought the whole thing was just going to be like haha you wanted hlvrai 2? well#heres breaking bad roleplay instead lol.#and i was like aw man. well ok whatever :-) hehe funny rtsv#but no they fucking. did a bait and switch on a bait and switch????? 😭#excited to see what the mad man is cooking up for the year of our lord and savior 2024! cant wait#whatever the fuck it is i know ill enjoy it#im not expecting anything serious or grandiose im more so expecting more good times and inside jokes that i can talk about w my friends
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''i do have thoughts ! but'' share?
well fbdkdk we all like to joke about mitch's daddy issues.. and even though it's all just speculation, it does something to you when you feel like a parent's love is conditional!! i would know. it's a very relatable part of him to me personally, and it's a part that can get ugly (which isn't the most fun to speculate abt in a fandomy sense) so i don't blame anyone for wanting to look at it from such a lighthearted perspective like. i do it too and in the end, he is a millionaire with little material concern in this life from now on most likely so!! But inside of him.... when you feel like you have to earn the love of people around you or keep it up or can't express your full self for fear of what ppl think or whatever like. it wears you down. it hurts your self image. it makes you codependent and needy in a way that might not be the most fun or cutest despite what all of us who adore him say.. mitch's perception of himself as someone who wants to and HAS to provide that energy for this team all the time is pretty evident in that blueprint ep about him, and while i think most of the time, that's just his personality... you can't always be on and always be that for people. privileged to be in his position but sometimes feels like he's still. not whole.... missing something. HATES being left out and feeling like things are happening without him.... none of that is cute when it's happening a lot, but he has teammates who love him and are willing to accomodate that despite the teasing so <3
i also just think like. if any person on this team were most likely to Snap in any meaningful way... it would be him. like he's done and been everything Traditional Hockey would want from him and it's still not enough to get people off his back, fans media family alike. his teammates can break sticks over the bench and people "love their passion" but mitch goes down the hallway to do it out of everyones eyeshot and its a story for a week? idk. he is handled differently from everyone else on the leafs, and i cant imagine how it is to be this hometown boy who can never do anything right by some standards.... who think the only team he's ever really known would be better without him?? who wouldn't doubt their place or contemplate the drastic when theyre someone who lets others opinions get to them?? like when your self image already suffers but your have people piling on... you're telling me there's nothing internally dark about that???????
there is a lot more to say but i'm fucked up on nyquil and 5 seconds from sleep so. hope this makes sense 😭
#easks#i just feel like there is a lot... to that.....#feeling so inadequate and left out all the time#he is so particularly relatable to me#as someone who wasnt like. deprived of anything but some paternal love#like he got to pursue what he wanted with what seems like minimal sacrifice#but. the internal TOLL#NEVER FEELING LIJE UR GOOD ENOUGH#COMPOUNDED BY UR OWN 'FANS' tellingnu that#he wants not to care so desperately but he fuckifn does#never being free of expectstion#including expectation of urself#when u keep that in. when u bottle that up#UGLY#not caring is only cool when its not u!!#u can say it to the media n everyone doubts u and acts like ur full of shit#but then when u do care. thsts also a bad way to be.
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after like 3 years of saying i was going to, i've finally started playing len'en
i like this guy a lot
#tsurubami senri#len'en project#im sure my one friend who knows what len'en is will be pleased by this kcjvcv#but genuinely like silly goffy doodles aside. jesus christ this series is good#like ok i was expecting it to be like#harder touhou. and it is kinda. but like i have been blown away by the creativity with boss's having mechanics based on their abilities and#shit like-#kuroji's fight in ee was so annoying but goddamn if it wasnt cool-#anyways i love this series. not as much as i love touhou (not yet anyways) but i by no means think it's inferior or anything-#and the difficulty options are so based. light mode is a godsend to my bad-at-games ass#and easy extra is SO BIG BRAIN it felt so good to actually be able to beat the extra stages-#but yeah games fun!! and begin friendly!! and free!!#highly reccommend!! also i shouldnt have to say this but MMM THE MUSIC#my favorite song should be obvious from this post but. goddamn i love the ost (its what made me finnaly just get the games lmao-)#anyways uhh i wanna doodle more of my faves at some point so. later maybe for sure-#anyways. tag rant over jcbvjckv-#shook doodles
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