#it's not like the surprise really does anything in-game really

[sleepyparalysisdmon]

Happy Ending

The three times you try to convince Seokmin that you don't hate him, and the one time he gets it.

Word count: 1.7k

Warnings: implications of history of abuse, bad ex

This is part of the Three Times series. This one is inspired by this reaction.

One

Seokmin is sure you hate him. 100%, no, 1000% sure. It’s the only explanation for why you act the way you do. Seokmin would like to think that he’s a likable person. He thinks he’s nice and thoughtful, and when Vernon first brought you around the group, he went out of his way to be friendly with you because you seemed nervous. And he couldn’t lie, he thought you were pretty.

You have no problems cracking a few jokes with some other members. You and Vernon speak almost exclusively in memes and references from TikTok and Vine. You gang up on other members with Jeonghan to tease them. You become animated with Seungkwan when you play board games or with Wonwoo when you play video games. 

But not Seokmin. When Seokmin cracks a joke, you blink at him. You must not think he’s funny and that stings at first. But then he tries to engage in conversation without goofing off so much. You don’t have much to say then either. 

So he’s stopped trying because the message was received. He’s polite with you, don’t get me wrong, but he doesn’t understand why you hate him and he has just a bit too much pride to ask. Or to ask you directly at least. (His members are sick of the whining he does on occasion about the topic.)

It’s game night and Jeonghan’s just brutally knocked you out of the game. You sigh, standing up from the table. “I’m going to get another drink. Does anyone need anything?” There are a lot of echoes around the table saying ‘no’ and Seokmin is surprised when you notice he didn’t answer. “Seokmin, do you need anything?”

He furrows his eyebrows. You don’t often address him directly. “Oh, uh, I’m good. Thanks, though.” He misses how you deflate a little at his disinterest and he also misses how Vernon and Jeonghan roll their eyes. 

Two

It’s a late night in the studio and everyone is exhausted, but they have a least a few more hours to go. Seokmin rubs his tired, irritated eyes as there’s a knock on the door. In you come with a few bags of dinner. Many members crowd around, thanking you and taking the food. Seokmin doesn’t move. He’s starving but he’s tired and is even in a little bit of a bad mood. He’s had to do so many takes of the same line because he just can’t nail it and it’s been frustrating.

He’s got his eyes closed when he hears a little cough. You look a little awkward as you place a container in front of him. “I wasn’t sure what you liked, but if you don’t like this, I’ll trade with you.” 

Seokmin blinks a few times. “Oh. Thank you.” He means it, even if he sounds confused. He looks inside the container and he must be wearing his thoughts all over his face. The dish isn't his favorite.You’re moving fast and before he can think to fight you on it, the container in his hand is replaced by another. “Y/N, you don’t have to do that. Eat what you ordered.” Some sense is snapping back to him and he’s stubbornly trying to hand the new container back. 

But you’re shaking your head with a little smile, already walking away to find your seat next to Vernon. “Nope. Enjoy your dinner, Seokmin.” 

He does, but his head is swimming with confusion. This feels like an awfully kind gesture for someone who hates him. He keeps glancing at you for the next couple hours until you leave. 

Three

It’s raining when he steps out of the restaurant. He sighs. This week has been rough and he’s just left a really bad date that he arrived separately to, and this is just the cherry on top, forgetting an umbrella and jacket. He won’t melt walking in the rain, but he’s got a busy schedule in the next few weeks and can’t afford to get sick. He decides to wait it out and see if it will stop. 

“Seokmin?” 

He spins because he knows that voice. You’re dressed up for dinner and he can’t believe he didn’t notice you inside. “Hey, Y/N,” he says a little weakly. He doesn’t have the energy to wonder why you hate him tonight. 

“Rough day?” You muse, glancing around at the street as the downpour goes on. 

“How could you tell?” It’s a genuine question. He isn’t sure how you notice when you never so much as glance at him. 

“You’re not your usual self.”

Seokmin doesn’t know what to say about that, so he says, “You look nice. Date tonight?” 

You shake your head. “Work dinner. Very dull. What about you? You look nice too.”

He glances down to his dress pants and button up shirt. “Thanks.” The word feels lame but he’s confused again, much like he always is in your presence. “Bad date. Want to wait out the rain with me?”

You smile, digging into your bag and presenting a compact umbrella. “Or, we could walk together. What do you say?” 

The invitation is too good to pass up. He grabs the umbrella from you, popping it open. You move halfway under the umbrella and he tugs you in a little tighter, sacrificing his shoulder to get wet. You both begin walking. 

It’s light conversation over the rhythmic sound of raindrops on plastic, but it occurs to him that he’s never been around you alone. You still aren’t the warmest person, but you’re warmer now under the umbrella with him than you’ve ever been. 

He’s actually kind of sad as you both arrive at your apartment building. “Do you want to come in? Wait for the rain to pass?”

His eyes bulge at the offer. “Oh, I shouldn’t. It’s late.” 

“I don’t mind, really.” You look… nervous? “But I get it. It’s been a long week and you’re probably ready to rest.” That’s true and he’s kind of touched that you give that grace. He starts to lower the umbrella and close it to give it back to you but you push it back up over his head. “Keep it. Give it back to me another day. Get home safe, Seokmin.” 

He does but he doesn’t get much rest, too confused about what you might think of him. 

Four

He’s out at the bar with a few of the members. He knows you're here too, mostly because Vernon is here. You two come as a pair lately. However, he hasn’t seen you much tonight. 

He excuses himself to go to the restroom and when he comes out, he finally sees you. There’s a guy crowding your space and you look anxious. His gut twists when he hears a plea to stop and leave you alone. He’s shoving the guy back before he can really think. 

“Are you deaf?” Seokmin snaps. The guy is clearly drunk, wavering on his feet, but he looks pissed at the interruption. 

“Back off, she’s mine.” The words come out in a slur, barely understandable. 

Seokmin turns to you, where you’re cowering against the wall. He tries to be gentle in his question, but he’s angry. “Do you know him?” 

“He’s my ex,” you choke out. 

Seokmin turns back to the man. “The ex part makes it sound like you should leave. Go on.” Seokmin can see the swing the guy is going to throw from a mile away, so he shoves him back. As drunk as he is, he loses his balance and hits the wall behind him, sliding down onto his ass. Seokmin knows he isn’t hurt but he’s probably down for a minute, so he grabs your hand and tugs you out of the hallway and then out of the bar entirely. 

You’re hyperventilating by the time you hit the sidewalk. Seokmin tugs you to the curb, making you sit. “It’s okay, Y/N. Just breathe for me.” He tries to soothe, rubbing your back but he hates the sight in front of him. He knows you aren’t the warmest person out there, least of all to him, but he never wants to see you suffer like this. He helps you wipe your tears and when you lean into his side with a sniffle, his heart lurches. “What was his deal?”

“My ex,” you start, even though he already knows that part. “Things didn’t end well. Well… things were never what I’d call good between us.”

“In what way?” He tries to ask lightly, but he saw the aggression and possessiveness in the guy’s eyes in that hallway. He also saw how you cowered and begged for him to stop, like you’d been there before and knew what was coming. 

“It’s hard to talk about,” you say. It’s obvious you’re trying to dodge the question. 

“Did he ever hurt you?” He sighs when you finally nod into his chest. “I’m sorry, Y/N. That’s terrible. You don’t deserve that.”

“Maybe I do.” You sniffle again. “I mean, I’m not the nicest person. I’ve made you think I hate you somehow.”

After only a beat, he pulls back to look at you, confusion painted on his face. “You don’t? Hate me, I mean.”

A watery laugh bubbles up your throat and you look amused by the question. “No, I never did. Your warmth is just intimidating sometimes. I’m not used to it. Vernon and Jeonghan have been trying to help me show you that I don’t hate you in little ways, but I don’t think it’s been very effective.” You sniffle again, looking down the street as traffic passes by. “Kind of stupid, isn’t it? I don’t know how to act when someone’s nice to me.”

Things are clicking into place fast for Seokmin. He laughs because he feels like an idiot for misinterpreting everything, for not observing more. “No, it’s not stupid. I’m sorry I misunderstood.” After a few beats of silence, he stands, holding out his hand. “Come on, let’s go home.” 

You smile up at him, grabbing his hand and letting him pull you up from the curb. You even bite back a little giggle as he swings your arms when you walk. It’s nice. The warmth isn’t so scary now.

[dangermousie]

Now that I’ve checked out enough of all three newly-ish cdramas: Fangs of Fortune, Love Game in Eastern Fantasy and The Story of Pearl Girl, the results are kinda surprising.

I am, as you can tell, OBSESSED with Fangs. That is unexpected because while the trailer was gorgeous I couldn’t really figure out much that would make me obsessed from the summary and all the actors except TJR were either ones I am indifferent to or downright dislike normally. And now I love them all. I don’t know what’s the biggest surprise for me - Cheng Xiao, until now literally my least favorite actress from any country’s dramas, giving a good performance that makes me invested or HMH who I remember thinking of as so handsome but so bland but is now just utterly on fire and has entered Dylan in CLJ “you had THAT in you? How?” territory. And the story and the themes and the visuals! I haven’t seen a drama catering this hard to my personal narrative and character preferences since Novoland Eagle Flag.

Eastern Fantasy is even more of a surprise tbh. At least I was interested in peeking at Fangs for the visuals. I almost didn’t even check out Eastern Fantasy at all. I enjoyed the novel but that is never a guarantee of anything with adaptations (and it was never a major love of a book anyway), I like Esther a lot but not enough to watch stuff just for her. DYX is someone I have a soft spot for but not a single drama of his worked for me in years to the extent I kept joking he’s cursed. I hated all the trailers and posters - they looked kooky and not in a good way. Plus my track record of liking it when shows try to go for funny is abysmal and the whole thing seemed targeted to an audience that is so young they are still in middle school.

Only checked out because I had some time and omg it’s funny and clever and darling and the performances and characters and dynamics and the vibe are all on point (and so is potential for angst.) Soooooo good!

And now Pearl. It was by far my most anticipated of the three - trailer was cool, love the leads (and the fact that they reunited!) etc etc. But now? It’s a solid enough drama and enjoyable but it’s my least favorite of the three. A lot of it is genre viewer mismatch - I don’t really like “woman makes her name in trade with a side of hot scary man who eventually helps her” (see 2022 A Dream of Splendor - a well acted big hit that left me utterly cold.)

I just don’t care about the mechanics of trade or Horatio Alger stories even if Horatio in this case is a beautiful young woman. ZLS starts talking about cuts of profit for selling jewel waste products and my brain shuts down. It doesn’t help that while I find LYN character realistic for who he’s supposed to be, their dynamics so far do not make me ship them in the least and in fact I want her to lightly stab him (I genuinely don’t see how it will switch to her liking him.) It’s the same issue I had with Dream as well - just as here the chemistry was great but it was not a shippy dynamic that does it for me.

Oh well, that’s why it’s fun to watch new things, you never know…

[kaisaerinlover]

nagi seishiro

tw: dubcon manipulation kinda grooming kinda incel themes

one thing about seishiro nagi is that he does not care about anything. he doesn’t want to do anything, especially not get a girlfriend. the guy was looking seriously rough until he met your brother reo. reo fixed him up a bit, and nagi definitely got more in shape after meeting reo, you could say he’s pretty hot now. but he still didn’t care for girls much. honestly he’s, in the past especially, probably what most people could have defined as an incel. but he was fine with that ‘cause he never cared about girls anyway. girls are a hassle. all he wants to do is play video games. girls don’t bother him and he doesn’t bother them. so imagine his surprise when reo’s imouto suddenly takes a random interest in him.

reo and nagi always stay at reo’s place, ‘cause it’s easier anyway, now they actually have fans and people that care, and nagi’s place isn’t really the most protected. reo is off doing something else and nagi’s playing video games in his own allocated room. he likes it, it’s good, no one to bother him, talking with people is a hassle. until you come into the picture. you’re so sweet, so cute, and he doesn’t want to be mean, you’re the younger sister of his best friend, after all. you take an interest in his game, and he indulges you, explaining to you lazily the premise of the game and granting you with the oh so lucky opportunity to sit and watch him play. and you do, you sit next to his chair on the floor and watch him play for hours. nagi grows to like you, you’re not much of a hassle at all, and you’re not too sore on the eye either. you’re actually really cute.

reo notices too, and rolls his eyes and smiles at you whenever you pester nagi. he can tell nagi doesn’t care, and he’s glad about that. but he’s curious, why is nagi even indulging you in the first place? seriously, he thinks eating is a hassle, he can’t even take care of himself most of the time, so why is he willing to entertain the youngest mikage? to put it lightly, nagi is a bit of a weirdo, reo thinks, and he takes interest in the most random of things, so maybe it’s just that. and reo doesn’t think too much of it, he should have though, not that it would matter anyway.

you’re just so cute, nagi thinks. he can’t help but actually want to have you around. and you’re so pliant, so interested in what he’s doing, poor thing. nagi coaxes you to come sit on his lap whilst he’s playing, and god does it feel good. he prays you don’t notice his hard on, but you’re so engrossed in watching him play he guesses you didn’t. but it’s still a hassle, you know. these feelings of want towards you, he’s not going to put in that much effort, seriously, that’s a lot of work, and he doesn’t have such a drive. but reo does. reo will do anything for nagi ‘cause that’s what friends are for. nagi is his treasure too, you know? not just you, imouto.

and that’s how it starts, reo essentially gifts his little sister to nagi seishiro. and the funniest part, to those two at least, is that you’re none the wiser. you don’t even notice that reo purposefully leaves you 2 alone way more often now, you don’t notice how nagi feels you up as you sit on his lap until it’s too late. you’re his now, and nii chan isn’t coming to help you ‘cause he’s the reason you’re in this mess! finding out your brother did this is a stab in the heart, it’s only after you realise what nagi is doing and you protest that he hushes you and tells you. “sh, stop squirming ‘kay? don’t be a hassle” why would you stop being a ‘hassle’? is that all this is to him? he’s touching you in places you didn’t ever let a guy touch you before, and a hassle is all it is? “n-nii chan’s gonna- b real mad at you- sei-seishiro-“ you manage to stutter out between sniffles. nagi almost laughs. almost. laughing is a hassle. “y’r nii chan is the one letting me do this” he nips at your earlobe. “you’re mine now, ‘mouto” you sob again. how could nii chan do this? and how come he’s calling you that, you’re not his imouto you’re reo’s!!!

nagi can feel his arousal, and you can feel it too, pressing against your cute little backside. “ah, look what you did” he mumbles something else about it being a hassle to take care of. but it’s fine, not anymore, cause you’re here! that’s how you find yourself sitting on the bed of your big brother’s best friend and jerking him off between sobs. honestly, nagi is getting kinda peeved at you, seriously just cut it out. he won’t treat you bad or anything? are women always this annoying, he wouldn’t know since he never had one prior to this encounter. seriously, just shut up already. he doesn’t show his annoyance though, just leans back and let’s you give him a handjob. seishiro nii is the worst for this reason, he only cares about himself!

you gasp a little in shock when he finally cums on your hand. he’s panting and a little tired, but begrudgingly gives you a pat on the head “good job, next time less crying though, angel” he likes the sight of his cum on your hand, it’s cute really, what he’s done to reo’s innocent little sister. and you just can’t believe your brother would do this to you. seriously, nii chan is mean. you thought maybe nagi was bluffing, maybe reo didn’t do this after all, so you sneak out of nagi’s room whilst he’s asleep to go and ask. all reo does is chastise you and send you back. “no ‘mouto, you gotta be a good girl for nagi, ‘kay? now go back to nagi, or do i have to take you there myself?” he’s scolding you the way a brother would his sister over a broken toy, a little tantrum, not wanting to watch the same tv show, not this?

you reluctantly trudge back to nagi’s room, where he’s laid in bed playing games on his phone. just your luck that he woke up. when you walk in the room he doesn’t even look away from the phone, just hums as if to acknowledge your presence. “don’t leave again, don’t wanna have to find you. too much hassle” he pats the bed commanding you to come and sit back down without turning away from the game. and he knows you’ll comply, because what else can you do? reo won’t help you, and you know nagi can easily overpower you if he wants to. you’re pretty stuck, aren’t you?

he’s back asleep again in no time and you’re laid awake stuck under his muscular arm. this is the first guy you talked with, reo is usually protective, it’s so intimate what you’re doing with nagi, so wrong. you’re looking up at the ceiling with blurred vision from those tears stinging at your big innocent eyes. man this sucks. but it’s okay, you’ll learn to like it, ‘cause your nii chans are gonna turn you into the perfect girl for seishiro nii! good job on getting a little sister, nagi.

sorry it’s a little short / not the best , i’m going to expand on this or come back to it definitely soon ‘cause i like this idea ty 4 readin’ if u did :3

[beanghostprincess]

Talking about Shuggy wedding I just… god I wonder how that would even look like if I’m gonna be honest. Like, no doubt it would be funny as fuck because bad luck follows Buggy like a shadow, but just…. The entire thing….

I like to use the headcanon of them being in their outfits from that Gacha game that I’ve seen around so often, but under which circumstances did they pick them? Did Buggy have to threaten his spouse to clean up a little for him or was Shanks smart enough to know Buggy would just flat out bolt again if he saw him in his regular getup? (Cute thought actually: Buggy being convinced Shanks will just go… casual business at most, but no, BAM! Shanks brought out the suit combo just because he knows Buggy will like it)

What the fuck would the ceremony even look like? Who’s officiating? The Luffy joke is funny of course but also I think Buggy would protest. Rayleigh? I know he was only second in command but like… they are pirates. Do you really think they care about shit like official papers? Especially since both of them are emperors now, who’s gonna step up to them and be like „Well acshually.“?

Who’s at the wedding like, PERIOD? Shanks seems way more to be the type of fella who just wants a good party with his crew and his Bug and the alcohol flowing, but Buggy likes a SPECTACLE, would there be canons and doves and wine flowing like water, or would the fact that he’s marrying SHANKS of all people, his lifelong adversary, the thorn in side, the most annoying man he’s ever known, the love of his life, embarrass him enough to make him want this to be a smaller event? How fucking ridiculous do the wedding presents from Buggys followers get?

Just… god what would that look like?

I'm certain their wedding would be the most chaotic and memorable thing ever. Yes, bad luck follows Buggy, but the same goes for Shanks with good luck. So it's kind of like, a mess with a happy ending, maybe???

I think Shanks would sooo pick the matching suits because Buggy would spend months complaining about how "Shanks can't dress" and letting him choose only one thing for the wedding would result in a nightmare. But Shanks surprises him with this and Buggy just can't say anything good about him out of pride, but Shanks knows he's more than happy.

OKAY SO- I don't know much about pirate weddings but what I do know is that Luffy being there would bother the shit out of Buggy and that'd be hilarious. I think the one who should marry them is Rayleigh for obvious reasons tbh it'd be both hilarious AND meaningful. Also, the one who'd step up saying "actually" would be Luffy 100% and Nami has to force him to sit down.

And tbh keep in mind they're both emperors and like a good party, it'd be HUGE. In a Buggy style but definitely partying the way Shanks likes. I get Buggy not wanting to show everyone he's getting married to Shanks of all people but Buggy focuses the party on him more than he does on the marriage itself (that's something they keep in private and Shanks is more than happy I think).

It'd look like the messiest most beautiful wedding ever btw

[nagdabbit]

oh, the bliss is gonna make you see

words: 1.2k

jon moxleywheeler "Sadder Patty Hearst" yuta

tags/warnings: bad bdsm etiquette, mildly dubious consent, submission as manipulation, yuta is in denial, transactional violence

(this was written in a haze of food poisoning delirium)

also on ao3

.

Mox is already there when the hotel room door clicks shut at his back. The man is already naked, already waiting, already watching Yuta with a smug sort of smile as he grinds a piece of gum between his teeth. It's the usual scene these days.

He's no longer surprised that he was allowed to walk the halls alone again, allowed to enter the room of his own volition, without having to be frogmarched along by one of his looming shadows. It's the one time they fall away from him, the one time they give him space, and he knows what it's for: the illusion of choice. They allow him this chance to run simply because they know he won't. He hadn't run the first few times he'd been summoned to Mox’s room, after all. Mox wanted it that way these days. 

He doesn't bother saying anything as he carefully steps further into the room, no use in negotiating anymore, no use in protesting or backing out or leaving. He's in too deep now. It starts and ends when Mox wants, that's the way this goes. He's the one with the power, he's the king, now. The scene starts when Yuta enters the room, and it stops when Mox says. 

As he steps closer, his eyes are drawn to the bed. There are all manner of toys laid out across the mattress, standing out stark and vulgar against the clean, white sheets. More implements of torture than pleasure, all of them there because that's what Mox wanted. They weren't for Yuta, not really. Had he the choice, they wouldn't be there at all.

A month ago, maybe two, Yuta would have been salivating at the sight. He'd have been eager as a puppy, pawing at Jon to let him play. Those days were no more, they died suffocating.

Mox is still smacking his gum, cheeks dimpled around that little grin of his. Yuta used to think him handsome, tracing the lines of a hard life lived. He used to know the scars across his skin, used to know each and every story they told. He used to work so hard for that smug grin, used to work for the chance to trace ancient constellations across the skin of his back, used to love being caught up in Mox's plans and games. 

He doesn't like this game anymore.

He slaps Mox across the cheek before he can think better of it. But the man's shoulders give a little shake, as if he's suppressing a laugh. As he turns back, teeth bared as he gives a smarmy little grin, Yuta slaps him again.

This one is hard enough to knock the gum from between Mox’s teeth, letting it fall to the floor. He doesn't pause to clean it up, nor does he tell Mox to. It'll get ground into the carpet fibers, a forgotten bystander in the ensuing tussle, and he doesn't even pause to think of cost he'll be charged for it. 

When Mox looks at him again, his eyes are dancing, but he at least pretends to be contrite. It starts and ends when Mox wants, and this is what he wants from him. Violence, sweat and blood. Right here, now, Mox will let him win. He'll allow Yuta a few moments of having the upper hand, give him the illusion of control. But it starts and it stops when Mox says, and Yuta will follow along as he always does.

In a few moments he will launch himself at Mox, wrestling him down until he can lock the man up in loops of rope and leather. He'll think about the next stop, the next show, the next hotel room, just as he always does. He'll imagine himself walking past the door, rather than digging out the keyboard Marina will press into his palm. He'll bind the man's arms tight enough to hurt, because that's what Mox wants from him. He'll kick Mox’s legs out from under him, shove him to the floor—not the bed, never again, not after everything he's done—and viciously attack each and every vulnerable spot bared to him. 

He’ll leave teeth marks in the soft skin of his throat, a warning that won't be heeded, and he'll walk away next time. He'll bruise his own hand layering violent and dark bruises upon each tender but of skin he can find. He'll make it hurt to walk or sit or even breathe, and make Mox carry a reminder of all the anger and rage and shame and guilt and fear he's forced Yuta to carry. That will be his final taste of Yuta, because he'll walk away next time. He'll unleash a red hot anger that Mox wants from Yuta, a fire he's been building since the start. And then he'll walk away.

He'll shove Mox down and fuck him there on the floor, thrusts hard and violent enough to scrape a carpet burn across his dimpled cheek. 

He'll leave Mox there, knowing that Claudio will come for him within a few moments, listening through the adjoining door as he always does. He'll leave Mox in a heap, cock heavy and hands turning red and cold, knowing there's no point, that there's no danger or consequence or lesson for the older man to learn.

There will be a vile, acidic burn at the back of his throat as he leaves, as there's been each time before. Another shame, different than that he'd choked down while Bryan struggled beneath his hands, will eat at him through the coming days, until it falls silent beneath the swell of his rage. A shame that says he's just like them. A shame that lies to him, tells him there was always a choice. There was always another way, another path, and he chose to stay.

He could've gone down gasping for breath at Bryan's side, ended his career just as it was getting started. It could've been his hand between a hammer and a hard place, his neck on the line.

There was never a choice. 

So he'll batter Mox to pieces, just the way he wants. He'll do what is needed of him, because that is what he chose to do. He'll choose to live, and fall into line, as he always does.

In front of him, Mox is still waiting for him to move. 

The lie acting itself out across his face is barely maintained repentance. He'll play the part of the whipping boy now, because that's what he wants Yuta to believe. A punching bag to work out his frustrations on, so he'll blindly follow along at Mox’s heels, knowing he'll soon get a key card and some rope and a few quiet moments to exact his pound of flesh.

Next time, Yuta will walk away. The scene will never start, because he won't be there to let the door fall shut behind him, locking him willfully in. It starts when Mox says, but next time Yuta won't even be there to be stopped. Next time, he'll choose. 

But now, watching the lie fade back into that smug little grin, Yuta pulls his arm back a third time. This is what Mox wants, but Yuta can't deny that a part of him—slavering away in the pit of his gut like a rabid dog—wants it, too. 

His palm lands with a crack, and Mox pretends to yield as Yuta launches himself into the fray.

[lobsel-erik]

I was originally going to write on Twitter but character limits are too much of a bother so here I am. This will probably be very messy but I'm dealing with media that probably 10 people are familiar with, so... Whatever!

I've recently found this site: https://nervetower.neocities.org/analysis.html

It has a bunch of translations and essays on the game Baroque, originally released on the Sega Saturn.

This specific bit of info has made me OBSESSED with thinking about the game.

Sure the game was literally written in burst of inspiration by drawing tarot cards because the writers had a deadline and writer's block at the same time, and the protagonist being canonically trans was only in a draft for the prequel material, but the game is surprisingly consistent with its themes and the symbolism can still be read through a trans lens.

And because it's not confirmed and ambiguous, the protagonist can be read through multiple gender povs.

But like, why is this such a big deal? Well, Baroque and its prequel material just so happens to have one of the most incredible anti-bigotry narratives I've ever seen in a game. Specifically anti-ableism and anti-eugenics, among probably some questioning of organized religion and how corporations use it to further alienate the public into a cycle of oppression towards marginalized people. etc.

The protagonist is mass produced and manipulated by the Archangel to "purify" whatever he deems should be "purified", using guilt (the Christians/Catholics favorite thing) to do so as the protagonist is made to not remember anything besides their immense guilt over something.

For the game to progress the protag must regain their memories and find out they're a copy of who knows how many other copies, a human made into a product basically, made to feel special because they won't be distorted by their desperate delusions to escape a world destroyed by corporate greed like all the rest and have the power to "purify" things, when in reality they're just emotionally and genetically manipulated into being that.

A perfect pawn.

Now where is the trans symbolism? Well, aside from how little bodily autonomy the protagonist has, here's where things really get interesting:

In Baroque, God is presented as a woman. Before the Great Heat (aka apocalypse), God's Sense Spheres (her omnipresence, transferring data like the world is a body) assured that no great distortion would come to the reality humanity lived in, God would feel pain and know there was a wound to heal. Then the Archangel, who's really just some scientist, started fucking with the population's mental health on purpose because he wanted to kill God and create his own perfect little world. That's the short summary anyway.

At one point, with a lot of brainwashing using God's screams of pain, he created the Order of Malkuth to help him. But later the members woke up from the brainwashing and organized a desperate attempt to stop the Archangel: they would fuse Koriel number 12 (presented as a boy) with God so she could communicate in data that humans could understand. What they didn't expect however is that Koriel 12 had their own problems, and with Archangel interrupting the fusion, those problems were very amplified.

Koriel 12's guilt over being alive and God's suffering made shit hit the fan for good with the Great Heat.

And that's how the protagonist becomes mute and receives the power of God and anim- I mean, "purification".

The game begins and despite Koriel and God being now two parts of the same being, the Archangel tells Koriel to go to the bottom of the Nerve Tower, where the "Mad God" is basically imprisoned, and "purify" her with a rifle (with ammo made from the embodiment of her pain hormones).

The Archangel is literally making Koriel kill a part of themselves that's already literally buried deep into a mind tower that goes down instead of up but still has the image of a tower instead of a hole. He's basically forcing Koriel to bury the closet with them inside it because the closet isn't enough apparently.

Koriel also can't speak for themselves anymore but their thoughts can be read by the Horned Woman, which she just says out loud without explaining anything and unless you're thinking about it you won't even recognize those are "your" thoughts being spoken by another person.

Jumping ahead, when Koriel gets to the bottom of the tower, you can either do what the Archangel tells you or can just walk towards God and unite with her.

When you do this after some dying and finding out, you'll receive the true ending, in which it is made clear that while it is in a state at which it's harming everyone, the "distortion" is actually the natural way of the world, everyone needs to cope at least a little to survive, the Archangel's eugenicist campaign was the greater problem here, not the people "distorted" into representations of their suffering and coping mechanisms by his actions.

This is primarily focused on ableism and particularly the stigma around mental health.

With a trans reading, it forms a bridge so it can also just mean bigotry in general too.

Why? Well, since the 70s or something, trans people basically have to be diagnosed with a disorder to be granted legal access to transition, that's even truer for Japan, which literally puts it on paper as a disorder. And overall, transphobia and ableism go very hand in hand.

This game is now the closest I've come across to finding a game that's secretly about trans people too like The Matrix.

And this has greatly developed the brain worms 👍

[imminent-danger-came]

I was rewatching s2 last night, and ohhh man mk looks over mei so much it's not even funny. times mei has been ignored:

maybe you need to really listen! (during the blindfold ep)

mk just? grabs stuff she's using out of her hands all the time? (video game ep)

maybe you shouldn't skip the tutorials? (video game ep again)

the way he addresses her in dumpling destruction and then immediately pushes her aside for tang

i honestly remember it lowkey kinda bothering me on first watch but now it's REALLY egregious on rewatch. are you scared? I'm so scared. do you WANT to end up like shadowpeach MK

2x03 is so rude because the whole fucking episode they're like "MK you don't listen" and it's so true. He doesn't. Pigsy literally points it out again at the end of 4x14 with the whole sun screen bit:

Pigsy: "Tch, don't bother, I've been telling him that for years but he LITERALLY never listens." Sun Wukong: "Yep! That's how we role."

-

THEY'RE SO FUCKING RUDE. "That's how we role." We. We????? Wukong and MK???? Like WHATEVER. FINE. (("I told you going against the Jade Emperor was a bad idea, but no. Wukong doesn't listen to ANYONE! He just does whatever he wants" Like shut up. Shut up!))

MK gets so stuck in his own head ("You're all stuck up in your own head! None of this is your fault!" +1 to the MK ignoring Mei counter from 4x08) and I think that really contributes to his s2 scramble to get more powerful.

LIKE:

MK: "Stop? Now? Never! I just have to try harder. It's just like the Monkey King said! *laughs manically* I just need to get stronger!"

(2x06 Game On)

VS

MK: "Why didn't he just stop, right here? He was already so much stronger than anyone ever needed to be!" Macaque: "Wukong didn't think so, he always felt he had to be stronger—more immortal."

(4x11 A Lifetime of Mistakes)

-

(Bonus thing between eps 2x03 and 2x06, look at 0:42 in this video for MK hearing Mei but not listening to her. Because of course that's what he would do. *head in my hands .png*)

The terrible s2 choices both Wukong and MK make in relation to their friends is just absolutely delicious after 4x11. Like, OH. This has been a lifelong pattern of Wukong's—paranoia is one of his fatal flaws (paired with his terrible communication and self-sacrificial nature), and while he had the power to stop LBD before he still feel's the need to go after the Samadhi Fire to stop her now, and to protect MK.

Hold on look at this parallel that I don't know what to do with:

MK: "Ugh, I can't do it!"

Mei: "It's alright MK—you did it before, you'll do it again!" Sandy: "Yeah! Maybe it's like Monkey King said: the power will come when you need it most!"

(3x04 The Winning Side)

-

MK: "What! But you said the Samadhi fire was the only thing that could stop her!" Sun Wukong: "I KNOW WHAT I SAID! But I've beaten her before I'll- I'll do it again! Mei was right—I need to stop dragging you into my fights, all of you."

(3x10 The Samadhi Fire)

-

Wukong and MK's reach for power inspires a lot of fear in me! It does! Because, well, MK's current reach for power is going to lead him to his Monkey Form, and uh:

Like I'm scared. I'm scared!

"All doomed to play a role in tearing this world apart!" ; "This is Azure's utopia, and this barren wasteland is the price he paid to build it." ; "I'd do anything for my friends! But at the cost of the world?" "I'm sorry pal, ain't NOTHIN' worth that price!"

[ratatatastic]

"Battle of Alberta, right? It was my first game: Calgary, Edmonton. We would play them in the preseason, and you know—trying to make the team I'd always be asking him to fight in preseason, always. I'd be runnin' my mouth—like, tryna fight the biggest, baddest guys, tryna make an impression.

And he would never fight me. He'd always tell me, like If you make the team, I'll fight ya. You don't have to worry about that, but I'm not fightin' ya preseason. And I totally respect it, I'm not gonna chase him down. It is what it is. He's established—I'm looking for my chance.

So I get called up, we're playing Edmonton in Edmonton: Battle of Alberta. [He's] over there on the other side, and it's like the coolest thing ever... you know, the buildup was crazy 'cuz I knew if the opportunity presented itself—if the game went the way I hoped it would, I would get an opportunity to fight him.

I remembered in warmups tryna skate by the redline initially just kind-of gettin' a feel for it—to see if I have to say something or whatever... He's got no bucket on, his big, bald head is glarin' around, he skates by the redline with the biggest smile on his face, and just gives me the biggest wink...

At that moment I knew Okay, he remembers. It's gonna happen at some point.

We were up 1, I think it was 2-1 going into intermission or whatever—Oh, no, I think it was 1-1 and we had just scored so the position I'm like Yeah, I don't know if I can fight him now because we have the momentum and we're winning the game. I don't want to lose a fight, then we lose a game and now I'm, like, never getting a chance again.

You kind-of gotta play the game within the game like [...] there's an opportunity to fight, and there's an opportunities where you shouldn't fight. Things weren't looking good, then they score and now we need a spark. I'm like Fucking perfect.

I just skate by their bench and I'm like It's time, big boy! He jumps out, we line up, and he goes We squarin' up or we goin' right away?

I'm like I'm not fuckin' squarin' up with you right now! We're goin' right away!

Drop em, we go right away, grab each other. I know he's a lefty so he's gonna let go—let's go of my right arm before he throws one. I threw one. Big boy went down, he jumped back up pretty quick. I don't know, I tell people all the time, I'm like I would've been in the league fuckin' 2 years earlier if there was good footage of this fuckin' fight!

For some reason—For some reason, the cameras cut out. I don't know if [he] had his cousins working the cameras or something that night, or if they're in the video room or what happened.

That was my first NHL game.

It's funny 'cuz Chucky was there—Chucky's there and he knows, he saw, he always laugh when I say that I would've been in the league earlier 'cuz he knows how things like that go. You get a little bit of energy and buzz around ya, and then kind-of momentum takes you a little bit further but unfortunate[ly], I missed that opportunity but I don't regret a thing.

[...]

The opportunity was there, I just—unfortunately, for whatever reason, the Hockey Gods said not yet." (Ryan Lomberg reminiscing over his first NHL game/fight) (x)(x) (please go watch the second link to see lombos giant smile as he tells this story jfc)

and other genuinely bonkers things to say about a hockey player in your first fight... like why did this need to be said like that...what

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

for some reason im really feeling the Queer Euphoria in this chilis tonight, specifically: being so ambiguous its hilarious. there is No label to describe my orientation/gender. like yeah i use nonbinary bc technically it fits but also bc the flag Fucks. if asked, my only correct answer would be "Wildcard, Motherfucker!"

[waywardsalt]

probably going to rework my human bellum design again

[dimiclaudeblaigan]

If there is at least one thing I can credit FE for doing better than Tales in localization, it's not trying to actively go out of their way for an entire game to avoid subtext or direct text between two men that is romantic or implied romantic. Funny when it's so present that the attempt doesn't even work; infuriating that it was attempted to begin with.

So as much as I often have issues with some of FE's localizations, at least they have a leg up on loc Tales for that.

[linabirb]

if anyone's curious i do really like the *looks around* thaaaaaaat game where you *looks around* wash your.. oh god how do i even say it *looks around* mouth but i also refuse to interact with the fandom in any way because. good job guys you fandom-ified everyone these are not even the canon characters anymore i will not be elaborating

[butterflieswhisper]

i was genuinely planning to watch more of ratastrophe tonight but i started it, got to "[you whispered to unidingo: please don't die out there yet] I think their hunt is more successful if i'm not there" and my phone case literally fell apart in my hands. so.

[kii2me2ii2]

omori's inclinations towards self isolation is so realistic and similar to my own it's almost disturbing and very nearly triggering... very. nearly.

[castleinthemist]

i might be being a bit uncharitable towards mouthwashing, possibly due to having played the demo months back so kinda having an idea of what it's doing (and really enjoying that!) but i think moreso it's sandwiched between some really strong games that present themselves with similar presentation but a lil' more heft...?

like that which gives chase has some similar sequences (mandatory fight in low visibility sequence where your opponent can come up from behind you) but it doesn't feels like its out of its skin there because it builds up to it in a way where it's still really fucking liable to give you a good jump but works mechanics you've done prior and lead up to...

and of course the overall presentation of 1000xresist is a bit unfair to compare since that is a longer game but...idk i think...*sigh* idk games are perfectly fine being short like this (look at former example) and i guess it works here for mouthwashing for what it's trying to do but i can't help but wonder if it would've hit a little harder for me if it gave itself some moments of space to breath.

perhaps it's just down to wrong time to play it...

[neganium]

Went and did a simple google about internet speeds; originally wanted a speed test but then there were suggestions for what was actually fast or not and I figured, hey, I figured out that the Task Manager can kind of just Tell Me what's up wrt to internet speeds, and I can compare to what is considered standard. And fellas. My internet on my computer specifically? Is absolute dogshit. Jesus fucking Christ.