#it's not for me and I watch it solely to support Jared who I want to see succeed

[anotherneworld]

It's insane watching Coby Bell on Walker because his character is essentially Exposition Man on paper, but he's acting circles around every other person on that set. The scenes between him and Walker in the most recent episode highlight this very clearly; he's believable and natural in that role in a way that JP doesn't achieve with Cordell (his performance always feels like a Performance, like Work, whereas Bell's comes off as much more natural). James is probably my favorite character on the show now because he's the only one who feels real. Everyone else feels like a script, and a poorly written one at that.

[littlehollyleaf]

oh here have another thought cos apparently I'm not letting this go as much as I believed

So we've got Dean Winchester, right?

Dean Winchester, who has struggled with suicidal tendencies on and off all show and finally reached a place where he feels he does in fact deserve to live and wants to live and has real, meaningful plans for his future that don't revolve solely around hunting and caregiving and whatever other limited roles he's spent his life reducing himself to

This Dean Winchester

Is not only forced into a sudden death pretty much immediately on reaching this turning point moment in his life

Is not only, in that moment of death, made to revert back to his former 'this is always how it was meant to end for me' defeatist philosophy

He is given the heartbreakingly emotional line of 'ALWAYS KEEP FIGHTING'

Which, ngl, got me on first viewing, cos it's of course Jared's mental health mantra, so it's full of so much significance - it's about finding strength when you're feeling low, when your mental illness may be telling you to give up, that life is pointless, that you are worthless etc.

And it's a phrase shared within the spn community - making it about family and extended family supporting each other, giving each other strength to keep fighting and living, it's about finding strength and power and self worth from your family

So ofc watching Jared/Sam's reaction was intense, because you know it's Jared taking meaning from the phrase as much as Sam

And I thought - that's nice

That's celebrating the good work Jared (and Jensen and the spn family) are doing raising awareness for metal health and supporting each other's mental health via the Always Keep Fighting mantra/phrase

...but then Dean just

Died.

And stayed dead.

(and listen - getting a happy, heavenly afterlife DOES NOT NEGATE that)

And... surely if anyone, ANYONE, in the show embodied the need for Always Keep Fighting and everything it represents, was it not

Dean Winchester?

Who has struggled so much and for so long with issues of self worth etc.

And yet in the end Dean doesn't get the option to Keep Fighting (even though he has just discovered he WANTS TO)

Instead it falls to him to once again be a caregiver and tell others, tell Sam, that THEY should Keep Fighting, while he resigns himself to not being able/allowed to

Now that

That feels like a real slap in the face for me

Taking such a powerful phrase and campaign that means so much to so many in this fandom and using it... like that...

And I'm sure it was meant as comfort, and as triumph, and as a homage to Jared and the fans and the spn family - that it was meant to honour the AKF campaign and show support for all those struggling with mental illness and generally be a positive, rallying cry

But... from my POV, using it in this context, the bottom line seems to me to be that - yes AKF, everyone deserves to live and is worthy of living...

Except Dean.

And thus by extension, people like Dean or people who relate to Dean

...no, I don't think this was the intended message, not at all

And it's probably not even a message all (many?) people are reading

But, I imagine it's one A HECK OF A LOT of fans ARE, whether they are consciously aware of the fact or not and

That's not just screwing with a fictional world and narrative and characters

That's adding negative connotations to an important RL campaign many people look to for real world support

And

That doesn't sit well with me I'm afraid

[nothingunrealistic]

60 and Jared & Alana

60. “You look like you could use a hug.”

Typing on a laptop while standing is a tricky task, if you’re not cheating and using a standing desk like an overpaid cubicle jockey with a word-of-the-day calendar permanently set to “ergonomic.” Either one hand supports the laptop (and not well) while the other hand types pathetically slowly, or one leg is bent and serving as your work surface (again, not well) while you type two-handed and try to balance on your other leg, just knowing that if a flamingo could see you right now, it would be laughing.

It’s difficult, is the point. And Jared’s pretty good at it (tricks of the trade: lean on a wall, stand on a carpeted floor, wear rubber-soled shoes for half-decent traction with both wall and floor), but he’s still only combed through the code on a small fraction of the Connor Project’s website between his arrival at school twenty minutes before homeroom (he’d left the house early, but still late enough that it wasn’t worth turning back when Evan texted him to say Zoe was giving him a ride, actually) and the arrival of Alana directly in front of him thirteen minutes later.

“Hey,” Alana says, with a perkiness that would be scary on anyone else at 7:33 A.M. She makes it work, though, it’s admirable. “You have a YouTube channel, right?”

Uh. “I do.”

“Evan mentioned it to me, and I watched a few of your videos.” Oh, God, did she watch the one Evan was in? Is she gearing up to ask some extremely personal questions? “I thought it would be a great platform for expanding our fundraising campaign. You know, reaching a new audience.”

Jared shuts his laptop and wedges it into his backpack while mentally rewinding the past ten seconds. “You want to do a video for the Connor Project on my channel?”

“Yes, if you’re interested. It’d be a great way for you to stay involved.”

So she’s noticed him pulling away — not surprising. “Full disclosure, I don’t have that many subscribers. The cliché of the unrecognized genius. You might get better results if you stand in the senior parking lot and yell.”

“Every little bit helps,” Alana says, and it would be so easy to turn her down, but…

“Tell me when you want the video done and what you want to say,” Jared says, “and I’ll tell you if it’s doable. Also, what tech you’re bringing to inspect. Gotta stay true to the spirit of the channel.”

“Well, I already have a script prepared for the fundraising part of the video.” Alana pulls out a stack of index cards, covered in neat pen writing, from her pocket and presses it into his palm. “And I have some Betamax tapes that we could look at. My parents have been cleaning out my grandma’s house for the past few weeks, because she died this summer. We’d like to sell her house, but there’s a lot of old stuff in it that would make it unattractive to prospective buyers.” Did she get that from a real estate brochure? “She had some old movies on Betamax. I figured since most people don’t have Betamax players, I could just take them and no one would mind if we broke them.” A beat. “We used to have dinner with her on her birthday every year. She’d always say she was going to live to be a hundred, but she was only seventy-nine.”

Her smile’s different now, like instead of proclaiming how thrilled she is to be alive, it’s the only thing keeping her whole face from crumpling. Jared glances down at the pile of index cards, flips through and tries to make a show of reading them, but all he picks up is the scribbled phrase tragically passed away earlier this year.

“When did you want the video to go up?” he says, looking at the smudged ink instead of Alana. “I’ll need time to edit.”

“I was thinking Tuesday.”

It’s Friday. If he agrees to this, it’ll eat up his weekend, which is already precious real estate thanks to dealing with the Connor Project’s technical side and his actual homework.

If he says no, he’ll feel like an asshole for letting down Alana, who’s working twice as hard on this as he is and probably deserves to have someone support her for once.

“I can do that if you have time to film it tomorrow. I’ve got the whole setup at my house.”

“Absolutely,” Alana says. “Thank you so much, I know the Kickstarter could really use this kind of promotion.”

“Yeah, no problem,” Jared says, instead of Yeah, and you look like you could use a hug. He should really head to homeroom now, but something drives him to hold out Alana’s index cards to her and add, “I’m sorry about your grandma. That’s gotta be hard.”

Alana’s smile wobbles, and Jared must inadvertently be radiating FREE HUGS energy instead of keeping that thought firmly in his head, because she steps closer and throws her arms around him, planting her head on his shoulder. He wraps his arms around her in return. It’s been a while since he hugged anyone. It’s kind of nice.

Then Alana lets go, smoothing down her sweater. “Thank you,” she says, quieter, and at her normal volume, “I’ll see you tomorrow. Just let me know your address and when you want to meet. Bye!”

“I’ll do that,” Jared calls down the hall as she power-walks away. “Hey, hold on —” He still has her index cards, but she’s gone.

Whatever. He might as well keep them if he’s got a video to plan and a day to do it.

[iamnathannah]

So...I got this review on ff-net for "Longing" this morning. Usually I love reviews because they give me encouragement...this ain't one of them, though.

If you don't want to read through it, in summary...

"Great story, but it seems like you hate men and the direction of society. Why isn't Dean just the bland fella presented in the show? Why is he violent and a cheating asshole who's rich; that's Logan y'know? Love the story as I said and Madeline and Louise are great, but I'm done with it."

Yeah, a lot to unpack here if you're not in the GG fandom like I've been since near the beginning, along with the basic concept of fanfiction.

"It's a well-written story with good characterisation of Rory and Paris but...there's a lot of anger in it."

When I started the story in 2003, the sky was the limit, and Paris and Rory were on their way to great lives bereft of any issues with men and so much potential for women in the world. Fast-forward to 2019...where we have a lying cheat of an asshole in the White House, merely disagreeing with a man is enough to bury your Twitter mentions in hate, and LGBTQ+ rights are being attacked at every turn.

Then we have the aftermath of AYITL, which dynamited Rory's future into being completely dependent on men (aka Logan), took away her entire drive and reason for being, and left her as a homewrecker having a kid she probably never wanted. And Paris is in a loveless marriage with a completely underwritten Doyle whose character traits went from 'being a loving and supporting boyfriend to a neurotic Jewish girl with the entire world upon her shoulders' to 'wink-wink Danny Strong writes Empire and Oscar-winners; Doyle can't raise kids let's just write that Doyle's that now since we threw out the Doyle notebook in our post-S6 burning of all our character notes'.

Yeah, over sixteen years, you tend to write for your reality, and the reality right now? Totally sucks.

"Some of it seems to be directed at society, some of it at the show, with a disproportionate amount of it being taken out on mostly male characters who bear only a passing resemblance to their on screen portrayal..."

Once again...AYITL hasn't aged well. Society hates journalists. It hates driven women (see my last post taking down that asshole who hates Brie Larson). Males are pretty damned well responsible for most of it. And I haven't had the best male figures of my life and have been mostly around women. I'm probably not going to write a positive view of some men; it's bias, and I own up to it here.

And yeah, my men don't match up to how they are on screen. Because, fanfiction is...

'Fiction written by a fan of, and featuring characters from, a particular TV series, movie, etc.'

Speaking of which...

"...Which seems to have got worse as I suspect you liked the show less and less."

You're reading my story. A Gilmore Girls fanfiction. My Twitter bio declares that I've loved it a decade and a half before the Gilmore Guys started their podcast. A show where I literally follow nearly main actor on the series into every future project they've had and watched loyally, for the most part. I buy every movie the girls have been in. Fanfiction isn't defined as 'a random person writing hate screeds against a particular TV series, movie, etc.'. You're not going to ever see me write even a drabble about how much Kevin Can Wait should be called Kevin Can Burn In Hell Because He's a Ghoulish Sexist Fuckface Who Celebrated His Wife's Death To Move On With His Former Hot Wife From Another Show.

Still love Gilmore Girls in full. But being a fan doesn't mean I have to like every single decision the writers and ASP ever made.

That is the fun of fanfiction. If I disagree with canon...I can disregard it, in part, or in full. I have never been able to find a fellow fan that agreed with every plot point the show has ever made. I hope I never will, because that's definitely not why anyone should ever be a fan of the show.

And excuse my language here...but I've written over a MILLION WORDS for this story. 27 chapters have been posted. I have an eventual endgame planned for the story that has been in my mind since the day I posted chapter one. Why the fuck would I write a million words about something I hate?!

"Dean has gone from a good first boyfriend who just wasn't right for Rory long-term to a violent thief who cheated on Rory throughout their relationship and never loved her anyway. And now, incredibly, seems to be just another entitled rich kid? It feels like you really want to bash on Logan but can't find a way to have him in the story, so you've turned Dean into him."

Oh reviewer...dear reviewer...oh, you don't know what you've gotten yourself into.

I have ALWAYS hated Dean. Always. Since January 2001 when I caught up on the backlog of episodes I missed because I only started watching during the two back-to-back night Christmas episodes, the only positive thought I've been able to spare for him was that Jared Padalecki (no attacks on him here, just the character) got a good living playing a completely underwritten bore who has nothing redeeming going on and a backstory that I would call 'existent'.

The show claims he's from the south side of Chicago in a neighborhood near the Dan Ryan that has 5% white people going by the zip code of his mail from there (the show's basic research department blew it there). Most white people from Chicago are in the Gold Coast, the northwest suburbs, or the North Shore. I have been adjacent to the Chicago market my whole life. He's from the North Shore, no question, judging from how his parents seem to have good enough wealth and how every white guy Chicago teenager story is drawn from a kid from the North Shore.

He literally punched Jess out three times!

He made Rory fear violence for merely losing a bracelet he gave her and for being near Tristan for a school function (LOL, Dristan...that burn still causes me to laugh at inappropriate times about how dumb it was, and I'm sure Tristan has it as one of his constant bon mots).

He called her home phone nearly a hundred times a day and drove her to the edge of madness with a 'must watch every day' love of Lord of the Rings that compares unfavorably to my four year-old nephew only loving Frozen, PJ Masks and Daniel Tiger. That isn't anyone any person has to tolerate in a relationship.

Dean’s only reaction to Rory trying to prove a point with her Donna Reed night was just she looked hot and he learned nothing about how women hate being confined to being solely homemakers and sexual receptacles.

He dumped her because she didn’t say “I Love You” like it was the goddamned bonus round in Wheel of Fortune and she didn’t get the solution out before the buzzer.

Dean’s shambles of a gift, that piece of shit car? It almost killed Rory and Jess. It looked like it didn’t have seatbelts. I’m surprised we didn’t get an episode where Dean ended up homeless because Richard sued his cheap ass into the fucking ground.

He decided to make her go back to him in front of the entrance of Chilton, where Rory would have looked like the biggest b***h in history if she didn’t return an ‘I love you’, and goddamned well knew it. Any good person would have done this in fucking private, like a considerate person.

He never respected the Chilton side of her life. At all. If it was up to him, he would’ve made up a bomb threat and had his friend imitate Rory’s voice to get her kicked out of the school she spent her young life trying to get into. If it was up to him, Harvard would have never even been a possibility, and if not for Jess coming in, he would have intimidated her into pushing off her dream entirely to stay in the kitchen.

His origin story was never mentioned outside 'he moved from Chicago and had a girlfriend in the past, Beth'. Fanfiction allows you to examine the holes in stories and go from there, and I just worked with them because the thing with moves to new locales? You can have a brand new image with people, and they will never know what you did in your old place. Judging by his violent/stalkerish tendencies, he has a pretty good case for having Imposter Syndrome that eventually reset itself in the Hollow.

Over time he went from a guy who seemed to like good literature to hyperfocusing on the 'it' media property of the time. Likely he started out liking fine literature, but once he fell in with the imbeciles of his friend group in the Hollow, that proved to be a lie.

He had a thing about being close to Lorelai. So much that around that time, there were so many more people shipping Lorelai/Dean than Rory/Dean as a romantic couple. If not for his later flanderization, that fangroup would still be strong.

HE CHEATED ON HIS WIFE!

**HE. CHEATED. ON. HIS. WIFE!

***HE! CHEATED! ON! HIS! WIFE!

****And outside losing his home and some stuff being damaged (rightfully fucking so) by Lindsay, both her and Rory took all the brunt of the damage his wandering dick did between all of them. Lindsay was guilted by her parents for checking out on her marriage and was never heard from again (I assume she's in a convent now because ASP's writing outside of Lorelai and Rory [or Paris, Sookie and Lane on a day she wasn't angry at the world for not pressing her hat right] for women was 'they are the enemy'). Rory had to find her way back to her old self (and she never did going by ending up with Logan). Dean? Welp, good thing "Supernatural" started at that time to save ASP the bother of having to explain what a dumbass Dean was.

*****Justice for Lindsay Lister! I hope she didn't go to a convent, but flipped off her parents, squealed out of town and is killing it in a career where she's respected, with a partner who loves her deeply.

The scene where he cornered Rory into sex in her house and said he didn’t love Lindsay was sexual assault and gaslighting. ASP intended it to be romantic, but instead created a nightmare scene that would be completely passe in a Lifetime movie. Rory’s first time was her being forced to give up her sexual agency for the pleasure of only Dean. And it’s exactly why the Paris/Rory scene I wrote on the yoga mats was intended to be the exact reverse of that trash.

He hoped to get ahead in life on a hockey scholarship. That's...not a life plan. And he paid for it by being stuck doing construction.

He hated Paris. He hated that Rory had her as a friend. He wanted a life with Rory that never involved Paris.

Paris is a strong-ass lady for daring to step to him and lie through her teeth about wanting Jess to stop the Great Stars Hollow Homicide of 2002 By The Coward Dean Forrester from ever being a thing.

LOL Logan is Tristan Lite and always will be.

About ten chapters back I mentioned how the girls consider Logan terrible already from a distance based on the New York media scene. Trust me, he's in this story (he may be a little more in this story later).

"There is a lot to recommend in this, like the slow burn set-up (although you've made up for it since!)..."

#backhandedcompliment (Also, what's to recommend? Love to know what you did like, but you spent all that time saying 'I'm mean to men', so I guess you ran out of time on that)

"...and turning Madeleine and Louise into three-dimensional characters..."

You sent me a flame, but didn't expand on what you loved about this? Thanks for the lack of feedback (and for misspelling Madeline’s name).

"But there are several reasons why it's not been an easy read so I won't be hanging out for an update, I'm afraid."

You basically said that you consider me a man-hater and that because I choose to have the ladies present their views in the story, you don't like that I'm drawing real life into their motives, mores and decisions. And you said I hated the show when most of my friend circle was formed through bonding through it, and we still love it, even if we think Rory needed to do better in life and ASP's writing weakened as each season went on.

I don't need readers like you, seriously. There are many other Rory/Paris stories you can read out there. As I have said in many other flame responses;

I am not the be-all end-all of Paris/Rory fic. PLEASE, read other writers. Enjoy their stuff. But don't whine at me or them because we choose to show that even in fictional worlds, people are against LGBTQ+ issues and people. We're not going to get equality by sugar-coating or whitewashing our way past those issues, and if you can't handle what I consider light attacks against entitled men, you should probably find something else to read.

[migleefulmoments]

leka-1998

Why so unhappy, M? Probably because of the paparazzi who just won’t leave you alone, right?

Ding Ding Ding. you are right, @Leka-1998!  It would annoy any of us if paparazzi were following us around as we lived our lives (See photos below)

pikachu-cc

...Or because he hates her? Or because she knows she’s going to be irrelevant even more than she is now soon? Or because he just won’t hold her hand or look like he’s at all happy to be in her presence?...

He hates her? No @pikachu-cc, he married her. 

I know you are new to the cult, but Abby has been claiming Mia will be “irrelevant” for 4 years straight and yet each year she becomes more relevant in Darren’s life. It’s a tired, old, out-of-touch trope that really makes you look stupid. Abby claimed Mia would be irrelevant when she was his girlfriend, his live-in partner, his fiancé and now his wife. You must realize how dumb it sounds to keep whining that she will soon be irrelevant as their relationship progresses..if you don’t see it then I will make it easy, you sound dumb.

ajw720

...No one cares about her and her house and her fake marriage.  And no one is going to suddenly care because of a few pap pics in JJ that he is paid handsomely to publish...

@Ajw720: You either don’t understand how gossip sites work or you are lying because it fits your needs. Just Jared is in business for themselves..they provide celebrity gossip and make money by selling ads.  

Inside, he has two laughably large computer screens: one monitoring his blog and overflowing e-mail accounts; the other, even larger, streaming the latest paparazzi photos and hundreds of Twitter feeds — favorites include Kanye West’s college-age stylist (@claycassius) and John Legend’s girlfriend (@chrissyteigen). A 50-inch television, mounted a few feet away, was paused in the middle of “The Ellen DeGeneres Show.”

The site’s revenue comes almost entirely from display ads, from prestigious advertisers like MTV, NBC, Coca-Cola and Disney, to lesser-known diet and coupon brands. He makes enough to support five full-time employees, including Mr. Eng’s brother, Jason Eng, 33, a former hedge fund trader who is now the company’s chief executive.

The site no longer feels like a blog with the personal touch of a blogger hobnobbing with celebs for juicy bits of gossip as it was in this piece from NYT in 2011(X), they still purchase paparazzi photos and build content around  the snippets of info they see in the photo as well as anything the paparazzi can get out of the celeb. The rest of the site’s content is filled with reposting celebrity Instagram posts and the social media from studios, TV show and music companies.  They have a very easy to find “send us a tip” link across the top of their  homepage.

Just Jared doesn’t exist to be the media relations for celebs, if they did they would be filled solely with photos of D-list models and Farrah Abrahm. Celebs don’t need gossip sites to get their message out anymore. Social media provides a powerful method for someone to get their own message to the masses without anyone else interfering-including their own PR teams. If Darren or Mia wanted people to know they were house hunting, either one would post their own photo. 

I went through Just Jared and grabbed all of the random paparazzi photos in the first 7 pages- EVERY SINGLE PERSON LOOKS PISSED because they are pissed.

Nobody wants to be stalked. 

klaineownsmysoul

You mean this isn’t how a newlywed couple searching for a new home together normally looks? Huh.....and unless she’s going to get a job and help with the mortgage, including her is just one more example of the way she’s unnecessarily shoved in my face....

How exactly does a newlywed couple searching for a home “normally” look @Klaineownsmysoul?  I’m curious because nobody ever told me the rules.  How is a newlywed couple who is being stalked by paparazzi supposed to “normally” look?   As for her “getting a job to help with the mortgage” I know Abby doesn't want you talking about it - or even thinking about it- BUT MIA OWNS A BUSINESS. Abby likes to claim the Tramp Stamp Granny’s is about to close but go to their geotag and watch the videos, they are thriving. Also, it isn’t any of your fucking business how anyone except your own family divides up their finances. Protip: STOP STALKING MIA and she won’t be “shoved in your face”. Don’t follow Abby who talks about Mia nonstop all day long.  Don’t look at socials of her friends.  If you don’t like Darren’s wife and you can’t handle her at all, then find an new celebrity to follow because Darren isn’t going to get a new wife just because one gaggle of bitter fans decided they don’t like her based on the lies that Abby has told about her.  

flowersintheattic254

Will JJ announce the new place with the DM doing a cover story too.

That’s fucking rich coming from you @flowersintheattice254 since you are the one who doxxed them.  

[retrauxpunk]

when I started shipping it if I did: like literally four days ago when I watched a jarrich fanvid on youtube out of amusement/curiosity more than anything else ... but it was late at night and I was feeling tender and just got straight-up punched in the face with feelings so now I’m a SHIPPER OF THIS

my thoughts: it’s just... really pure? like. jared is so wonderfully kind and supportive but also really damn competent and a badass. and richard is wonderfully brilliant and (despite spiteful fits) is a kind person usually i think, and would treat the people he cares about well. their canon professional relationship is really strong and that makes our fan shipping nicer/easier/more emotionally strong. I just. based solely on the canon I can realistically see them getting together, and sure ships that have no canon basis are fun too, but it’s just really nice that this one does have something of a canon basis! i think they do really care about each other in canon. and their personalities are just so great for fanon -- jared the extremely protective devoted mother hen who sometimes slips into ‘terrifying right hand man’ mode (can’t remember where i read that quote but i love it) and has a tragic past but has prevailed to become (probably?) happy and successful ... and richard the awkward nervous genius who is usually meek and goofy but slips into vengeful bastard/badass mode every now and then .... god I LOVE THEM

What makes me happy about them: how pure and kind and respectful and diplomatic jared is, and how richard is such a wonderfully flawed protagonist but, despite his flaws, is still a good person (feels remorse, tries not to fuck people over for no reason) and a total fucking badass

What makes me sad about them: jared’s past :/// and richard being awkward/unresponsive to jared’s affections hahaha which, in canon, he totally has the right to do and i’m not annoyed or anything, i’d probably feel uncomfortable about jared if i were richard because he is a little overbearing/unsettling at times? but in FANON then it’s like ... oh no the ship ... :’( but! it’s okay we can always write our own stuff ;)

things done in fanfic that annoys me: I haven’t read any fanfic that truly annoys me but I have heard that some fics have richard being pretty homophobic which is 1) sad and 2) not really supported by canon either?? so why???? I’m just not a fan of gratuitous homophobia-based pain... also, this might just be me but I’m a little bit put off by fics where jared and richard are portrayed as gay men who don’t realise they’re gay and whenever they’re with women it feels wrong -- not because I have anything against the concept of them being gay, but because it feels a BIT like bisexual erasure to me. HOWEVER i know this isn’t necessarily the writer’s intention so I don’t think it’s wrong to write that trope, and I do definitely see the appeal in it! but I guess it’s just ... I wouldn’t mind it nearly as much if I KNEW it was not due to bi erasure, but the possibility that it is makes me a little bit iffy. 

things I look for in fanfic: HAHAH like literally anything jarrich because this is a small fandom. though that said, I don’t like fics where richard treats jared badly. i’m also not usually a fan of the really kinky smuts -- just a personal preference. and i don’t like fic that’s set in canon universe but it’s REALLY DARK because oh... oh man. yeah, none of these are things i have a moral issue with or anything lmao it’s just not what i enjoy. and i think i enjoy basically everything else hahah

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: literally anyone who makes them happy and with whom they have a convincing on-screen relationship with; as long as it feels believable and well-written, i don’t mind ... as long as it’s not with any of the villains HAHAH (eg gavin)

My happily ever after for them: Pied Piper becomes really successful in a way that still means they can live relatively happy/normal lives. Richard proposes to Jared and they get married. I can’t really see Richard wanting kids but I feel Jared might? So let’s compromise and say they get pets (birds!) (or a dog?) and Jared is welcomed into Richard’s extended family and becomes the best uncle ever, while volunteering to help out kids in need etc. 

who is the big spoon/little spoon: usually Jared’s the big spoon but it changes

what is their favorite non-sexual activity: ...cuddling? hahahah. maybe stargazing, lying side by side beneath the night sky... or maybe really competitive chess tournaments against each other HAHAHA //made up that headcanon literally just then

[waywardnerd67]

Sealed With A Kiss

Summary: (Y/N) has her entire winter break planned out until her childhood best friend crashes her plans and changes her mind on the holiday season all together. Characters: Jensen Ackles, Reader Pairing: Jensen x Reader Warnings: Fluff/Seasonal Depression Word Count: 4102 (with lyrics) Prompt: My Only Wish (This Year) – Britney Spears (lyrics in bold) A/N #1: This is for @julesthequirky Winter Holiday Challenge. This is solely based off my own personal feelings of the holidays because I’m truly a Grinch with it comes to Christmas. A/N #2: As always this is unbeta so all mistakes are mine. Likes, comments and reblogs are splendid and I will love you doubly for them! Enjoy! Special Note: This is a work of FICTION and should be enjoyed as such. I mean absolutely no disrespect to the Ackles family as I truly adore and admire them.

(Y/N) kicked off her work shoes as soon as she walked through her front door. For the next five weeks she would be off work with no responsibilities, no deadlines and no one god awful holiday parties. She always saved up her vacation time to take off from Thanksgiving through the New Year. Everyone who did not know her well always asked what kind of fun holiday plans she had. Her answer was always the same.

“No plans. I don’t do holidays. Just five weeks off to stay home and sleep through until the New Year.” The look on people’s faces always made her chuckle. Pure and utter disbelief that someone would hate the holidays.

(Y/N) changed into her favorite pajama pants that were stolen from one of her best friends and her favorite band t-shirt. Curling up on her couch with the Chinese takeout she picked up on her way home and the bottle of whiskey, she hit play on the horror movie cued up on her Hulu account.

She smiled widely seeing her best friend on the screen. (Y/N) and Jensen Ackles have been friends since they were in grade school back in Dallas. She had been by his side throughout his entire career and watched with pride as he turned into a celebrity. Other than Dean Winchester on his hit show Supernatural, her favorite character was Tom Hanniger from the movie My Bloody Valentine.

Seeing him on the screen made her heart ache. His gorgeous olive eyes and charming smile never ceased to render her weak in the knees. What started as a school girl crush had turned into her falling head over heels for him. Never wanting to risk their friendship she kept her feelings bottled up deep within her. Being the support pal through every rocky relationship he had.

Seeing the credits rolling on her TV she shut everything off and snuggled onto her couch letting the sounds of the blistering wind outside lull her to sleep. She dreamed of the life she desperately desired with the man who held her heart. Being in his strong arms and warming her cold heart to loving the idea of spending the holidays with him. When she woke up, tears streamed down her face as her constant companion loneliness smothered her.

Last night I took a walk in the snow Couples holding hands places to go Seems like everyone but me is in love

The closer to Christmas it was getting the worst (Y/N)’s mood was becoming. It was now snowing which added to her aversion of the holidays. A seemingly quick walk to get dinner had her trapped in a god-awful snow globe of happy couples and holiday cheer. She made way to her lobby door where a black SUV was sitting outside of it. Not thinking twice, she hurriedly went inside and up to her apartment.

Turning the corner to her apartment, she stopped suddenly seeing someone standing outside her door. A wide smile spreading across her face replacing the scowl that had been there for the last couple of weeks.  

“Jensen?” she asked as he turned around throwing his arms up in the air.

“About time, pretty girl! My god I thought maybe you were dead in there and I was about to kick the damn door down.” He said pulling her into a hug.

She unlocked the door setting her food down as Jensen walked in behind her, “What are you doing here?” She asked.

Jensen kicked off his boots and shrugged off his coat leaving him in a flannel with a t-shit underneath. She chuckled at him as she hung up their coats. “What are you chuckling at?”

“You, Dean. Did you fly here straight from set?” she said as he looked down at what he was wearing. With a slight change in tone and gruff expression he could easily be Dean Winchester, his character from his hit show.

Jensen rolled his eyes at her and started looking through her bag containing her dinner. “No, these are actually my clothes thank you very much. Except for the boots which are Dean’s, but I borrowed them to come out to the frozen tundra to see you. He doesn’t mind.”

“Jay, as much as I love seeing you shouldn’t you be on your way to Austin for Christmas? I’m sure everyone is going to miss you and your family hardly sees you.” She said grabbing her food out of his grasp.

“Well, that is part of the reason why I am here. I have a plane ticket for myself and for you to spend Christmas and New Years in Austin with the family. My mom and Kenzie have been talking about seeing you for weeks along with Jared, Gen and the boys being there. Stop making that face at me, (Y/N/N).” He said sighing.

(Y/N) was making a horrified expression as panic flooded her chest. The whole reason she took these weeks off were to be secluded and away from everyone possible. She did not always hate the holidays but for the last few years she vowed not to celebrate anything.

“Jensen, you know why I hate the holidays. You know what happened in every gory detail. I-I can’t fake happy around everyone for that long.” Her voice cracked from the overwhelming panic trying to spew out from her lips.

He stood in front of her placing his arms around her tightly. Kissing the top of her head he said, “You don’t have too. You can always go upstairs to my room when it becomes too much. I know I’m asking a lot of you, but I really want to have Christmas with everyone I love there. It won’t be right without you, (Y/N).”

Jensen’s hand rubbed her back as her panic and desire to make him happy fought inside her. She looked up at him sighing, “Okay Jay, I’ll go to Austin.” The breathtaking smile on his face was worth the anxiety threatening to paralyze her.

I want someone to love me And someone to hold Maybe, maybe (maybe maybe) He'll be all my own in a big red bow Santa can you hear me?

They stayed a few days at (Y/N)’s where they hung out and watched movies like the old days. They were flying into Austin on December 23rd the day before everyone was to arrive at Jensen’s house. Being back in Austin was disorienting for (Y/N). She had not been back at all in three years when life took a turn for the unexpected.

The moment she walked into Jensen’s house she looked around in horror, “Jay it looks like Christmas threw up on everything in your house.”

When she saw Jensen’s surprised reaction she knew something was not going according to his plan. That is when his mom and sister walked in from his kitchen. “Mom, Kenzie what are you two doing here a day early?”

The ladies who (Y/N) consider family hugged him quickly and then made a beeline to her. “(Y/N)! It’s been too long!” Kenzie said hugging her.

“Hey Kenzie, I missed you too.” She said trying to push down the urge to run upstairs and hide.

(Y/N) walked over to Mrs. Ackles who engulfed her into the biggest momma hug anyone could get. It took everything within her to keep the tears from falling down her face that welled up beneath her eyelids.

“Let me look at you,” Mrs. Ackles said clicking her tongue not approvingly, “Far too skinny (Y/N). That’s alright we will get you fatten up before you leave here.”

(Y/N) laughed softly looking over to Jensen with pleading eyes. “(Y/N), why don’t you go upstairs and get settled in while Mom and Kenzie help me with dinner.”

She nodded gratefully as the ladies followed Jensen into the kitchen. (Y/N) walked up the stairs to the second floor with all the bedrooms. She instinctively went to Jensen’s room, but then second guessed herself opting to go to the spare bedroom next to his. When he had bought his house, (Y/N) had helped him decorate it and the spare bedroom was specifically decorated for her though she had never slept in it.

After unpacking her bag, she sat on the bay window ledge looking out onto the lake behind Jensen’s house. It was much warm here than her city and people were out enjoying their boats on the lake. She watched all the families and happy couples with envy leaning her head against the window. There was a soft knock and then Jensen walked in.

“Mom and Kenzie are leaving now. I told them you would see them tomorrow and that you were tired on the way home from the flight.” Jensen explained as a weight felt like it was lifted from her chest.

She noticed he was nervously shuffling from one foot to the other, “What is it?” she asked getting up and walking towards him.

“It’s nothing.” He mumbled running his hand through his hair another tell that he had something to say but did not know if he should.

“Spill it, Ackles.” She said playfully pushing his shoulder.

He bit his lip looking down at her causing her breath to hitch in throat. “I was wondering why you decided to stay in the guest room? Normally… you stay in my room with me.”

(Y/N) reached out touching his arm lightly, “I didn’t want to assume anything. I mean you have your own life and the possibility of someone being with you is always there. I didn’t want to step on any toes or cause any drama.”

His olive eyes were filled with confusion and then realization hit him, “Do you really think I wouldn’t tell you if I had someone staying with me?”

“I don’t know, Jay. A lot has changed and again I didn’t want to assume anything. Better safe than sorry.” (Y/N) felt as if her heart was weighted down with the thought of Jensen having someone.

He shook his head and grabbed her bag placing her clothes back into it, “First, things haven’t changed that much that I wouldn’t let you know if I was with someone,” once all her things were back in her bag he turned towards the door. “Second, you get first dibs because you mean more to me than anything or anyone.”

(Y/N) followed Jensen into his bedroom that had not change at all in the three years she had been gone. Seeing the familiar room brought her a great deal of comfort and she watched from the bed as Jensen unpacked her things into two empty drawers of his dresser.

“Thanks Jay,” She whispered as he turned around smirking.

“You’re welcome and by the way, I’m not seeing anyone not since my last girlfriend that you know all about.” (Y/N) could not help the small smile on her lips as she watched him leave his room.

The next morning, she woke up alone in bed hearing a bunch of commotion downstairs. Looking over at her phone she saw it was nearly eleven in the morning. She quickly got up, showered and dressed trying to keep her anxiety from consuming her. She stood at the top of the stairs taking deep breaths before nervously walking down them.

We'll be all alone under the mistletoe Santa can you hear me? I have been so good this year And all I want is one thing Tell me my true love is here He's all I want just for me Underneath my Christmas tree I’ll be waiting here Santa that's my only wish this year

“Good morning sleepy head.” Kenzie said from her spot on her husband’s lap.

(Y/N) put on her best smile, “I’m not like your brother who is used to traveling between time zones. Plus, I need all the beauty sleep I can get.”

Kenzie scoffed as she got up going over to her and hooking their arms together, “Come on, the women folk are hanging in the kitchen while the men do manly things.” (Y/N) chuckled waving goodbye to Kenzie’s husband.

When they walked in Mrs. Ackles was shooing out Jensen and Mr. Ackles, “Out of my kitchen. No boys until the food is ready.”

“Really this is my kitchen mom…” Jensen started to say until she glared at him and he shut his mouth. He turned seeing her standing with Kenzie and smiled brightly to her.

(Y/N) laughed as he walked up to her, “Nice bow. Are you sleeping under the tree tonight?” she asked messing with the red bow on top of his head.

“This was my payment for Kenzie wrapping my gifts for the tree. If you take any pictures they best not leak to the press or the fans will have a field day with this.” Jensen said as (Y/N) laughed.

“Oh, the fanfiction that could be written from it!” She said as he groaned.

(Y/N) hugged Mr. Ackles as he pushed Jensen out of the kitchen, “Nice to see you again, kiddo.” He said quietly as she held onto him a little tighter.

The Ackles family had always been more of her family than her own. They knew she had a rough home life and she was always welcomed whenever she needed to get away. They had helped her through college while Jensen moved out to Los Angeles to begin his acting career. Three years ago, when she was preparing for the biggest moment of her life they had all been there when it fell apart.

Soon Gen was had joined them in the kitchen as Jared and their sons were outside with the rest of the guys. With Gen coming in it gave (Y/N) the chance to sneak out the back door to the backyard and have a moment to herself. Spending time with the Ackles women had been great and reminded her of why she loved them so much.

(Y/N) was sitting on the retaining wall watching Jensen, Jared, Thomas and Shep playing their version of football. Jensen was always great with kids and it was a shame that he had not found someone to settle down with to have his own. The thought of him being a father pulled the strings attached to the feelings she had buried deep within her.

“(Y/N/N)!” Thomas yelled out running towards her. She jumped down off the wall and picked him up swinging him around.

“Tom-Tom! I’ve missed you buddy.” She said as he held onto her tightly. Shep had just been born when she left Austin and he walked beside Jared shyly looking at her.

Jared hugged her with one arm while holding Shep in the other, “Hey (Y/N), good to see you again.”

“It’s great to see you as well, Jared. Hi Shep,” She said waving slowly as he buried his head into Jared’s neck.

She set Thomas down who kept a hold of her hand as Jared chuckled, “We’re going through a shy phase. Once he gets to know you though, he’ll never leave you alone.”

She laughed looking over to Jensen who was staring at her strangely. “You okay over there, Jay?” she asked as he shook his head slightly.

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. Come on, let’s go inside and see if we are eating any time soon.” He said placing his arm around (Y/N)’s shoulders as Thomas kept a hold of her hand walking in.

Dinner had gone better than she could have expected, and she had a feeling it was because of the spiked soda Jensen was feeding her to help with the nerves. After dinner they all piled into his living room to watch It’s A Wonderful Life together. Thomas was snuggled between her and Jensen on the love seat where he fell asleep within minutes of the movie starting.

By the end of the night, everyone had said their goodbyes and made plans to meet up for New Year’s Eve at the bar Jared owned. Before Kenzie and her parents left she smiled widely at (Y/N) and Jensen looking above their heads.

“Really Kenzie?” Jensen said rolling his eyes as (Y/N) saw the mistletoe attached to the beam about their heads.

Kenzie nodded, “Oh going on you two. It’s not like we all don’t know how you two have been pining for one another all these years.”

(Y/N)’s eyes went wide as Jensen’s face burned red. The panic that had not been there all night hit her harder than ever before. It was different this time though, there was also hope attached to it and that was something that scared her even more. Her body began to tremble, and she felt Jensen tighten his arm around her.

“Goodnight Kenzie,” He said firmly as their parents pulled her along while she pouted slightly.

Once the door was shut, (Y/N) wiggled out of his grasp feeling as though the room was closing in on her. Without a single word she turned towards the back door quickly going out into the backyard. She took a few deep breaths trying to calm herself down, but all her emotions were bubbling up too fast for her to control.

As soon as the first tear fell the dam broke free unleashing three years’ worth of tears. Jensen was by her side in a flash, “(Y/N) it’s okay. It’s okay, Kenzie was just trying to get a rise out of me.”

His panic voice may have caught her attention, but it was what he said that had her chest tightening. “W-What do you mean?” she asked sniffling.

He looked down at his feet, his hand running over the back of his neck. “Apparently, my feelings for you have been painfully obvious to my family since we were kids. However, for me, it wasn’t until you were supposed to get married that I realized that you were the only woman I ever wanted to be with.”

His eyes locked with hers and she felt like the wind had been knocked out of her. They stared at each other for what seemed like eternity until he broke the silence, “Say something, (Y/N).”

“I… I can’t…” she said running back inside his house and up the stairs to the spare bedroom. She shut the door and leaned up against it fresh tears falling down her face.

Tell me my true love is here He's all I want just for me Underneath my Christmas tree I’ll be waiting here Santa that's my only wish this year

The next morning, (Y/N) woke up to the smell of bacon and coffee. She looked around seeing she was in Jensen’s room snuggled up with his pillow. The last thing she remembered was crying herself to sleep in the spare bedroom. When she heard the door open she looked up seeing Jensen with a breakfast tray in his hands complete with red bow on it.

“Morning,” He said softly as he set the tray down, “I figured you could have breakfast in bed and relax this morning.”

He stood up walking towards the door then stopped not turning around, “If you want to leave early after last night I completely understand. Your ticket home is open ended so you can choose whenever you would like to leave.”

The sadness in his voice broke her heart and in all the confusion of what had happened she did not take into consideration how he must have felt after she ran off. “Wait.” She called out as he turned around his eyes still downcast.

“Have breakfast with me.” She said scooting over carefully to make room for him on the bed.

He approached the bed hesitantly and sat down making sure there was plenty of room between them. Silently they ate together an awkward tension building between them that had never been there before. She could see the internal dialogue going on within Jensen and how he was blaming himself for it.

(Y/N) got up setting the tray on his dresser and then climbed back into bed wrapping her arms around his waist feeling his body tense up. After she did not let go, he finally wrapped his arms around her and laid back on the mattress with her. So many times, they had laid in bed like this, but it suddenly felt completely different and what scared her the most was how much she loved it.

“I’m scared.” She whispered her ear pressed to his chest listening to his rapid heartbeat.

He took a deep breath, “Of what?” he asked.

She leaned up on her elbow looking up to him, “I’m scared that you actually have feelings for me. I’m scared of losing your friendship.” She took a deep breath, “I’m scared that I’m damaged beyond repair and undeserving of you. Most of all, I’m scared of the hope I’m feeling that you feel the same way I do and then I’ll be left at the alter again. I don’t think I could go through that again especially if that meant losing you.”

She heard him suck in a breath and then he moved to sit up resting against his headboard. (Y/N) was surprised when he pulled her onto his lap holding cradling her in his arms. Her arms instantly went around his neck as his eyes bore into hers.

“I’m scare too and for some of the same reasons. Hearing you talk about how you’re damaged or undeserving makes me what to find you ex and not only kick his ass but shake his hand to thank him.” He said as (Y/N) gave him a confused look.

He smiled, “Well I think it’s only polite to thank him for being a complete douche for leaving an amazing woman at the alter so that I can have the chance to win her heart. I should have punch that guy from the get go when he asked you out after setting me up with my ex just to get me out of the way.”

“Wait, what? He knew you liked me?” she asked stunned.

Jensen nodded, “Everyone knew I liked you except for you and me. He set me up saying we could go out on a double date and then he showed up with you. I felt like I got punched in the gut and you were so happy that I couldn’t do anything about it but be there for you. When he left you at the alter it took Jared and my dad to keep me from finding him to beating him within an inch of his life.”

She sat there shocked by his revelation, “Do… do you know the real reason why he left me?” she asked looking down at his chest.

She felt shake his head and she looked up at him, “I received a letter from him on Christmas afterwards. He told me that he had found the woman of his dreams and they were both in relationships. They decided to run off together to elope but that they would be moving back to Austin to start a family in the house he had bought for us. A few weeks later, I saw them walking down the street holding hands, laughing, smiling and I immediately left Austin moving as far away as I could.”

Anger flashed before his dark olive eyes before he shook his head, “Bastard.” He whispered.

“Jensen, what happened then has a huge effect on me now. I… I don’t want to screw this up rather it’s a relationship or our friendship.” She said quietly biting her lip.

He placed his hand on her cheek his thumb gently running across it, “You’re not going to screw up anything. We will be in this together, but I don’t think I can go back to just being friends. It’s too hard to hold back from kissing you and wanting to hold your hand at all possible moments. It won’t be easy especially with my schedule, but you know how I am. If I want something bad enough then I will work my ass off for it. I want this more than anything, pretty girl.”

Jensen leaned in his lips brushing against hers hesitantly then she pressed hers against his firmly. It was not the first time they had kissed, but everything was different. This kiss sealed their future in place and any doubts she had vanished completely.

“Merry Christmas (Y/N),” he whispered against her lips.

“Merry Christmas Jensen.” She said as he kissed her again.

Well he's all I want just for me Underneath my Christmas tree Ill be waiting here Santa that's my only wish this year

If you enjoyed this story then check out my Masterlist!

My Nerd Herd: @waywardbaby @waywardrose13 @carryonmywaywardcaptain @anotherwaywardsister @ladywinchester1967 @dwgrl1903 @akshi8278 @ericaprice2008 @mirandaaustin93 @spnbaby-67 @time-travel-bouqet @1967-essentialghoul @dean-winchesters-bacon @destielhoneybee @-lovepeacenhope- @destiel745 @carribear31 @srsllydunnodoncare @whimsicalrobots @thisismysecrethappyplace @starstruckzonkoperatorbat @adoptdontshoppets @mrswhozeewhatsis @bella-ca @drakelover78 @imascio08 @pisces-cutie @mannls @the-salty-asian @winchesterprincessbride @xostephanie @klanceiscannon14 @superromijn @witch-of-letters @screechingartisancashbailiff

[echelonlab-blog]

Echelon Author Interview -- Lolainblue

Echelon Author Interview

Your URL: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/lolainblue

Your name: Missie (Blue is my nickname)

Link to your Masterlist: https://lolainblue.tumblr.com/post/174506158608/masterlist-20

What was your first experience with 30 Seconds to Mars? A friend had bought their first album and brought it over while hanging out. We listened to a few songs, I immediately fell in love. She asked me “Guess who the lead singer is? It's Jordan Catallano!” I was so stunned. 

Your Favorite Mars song? I could never pick one. There is one for whatever mood I am in. I love Attack, a lot of the old stuff, Buddha for Mary... They have changed so much over the years but I still love all their sounds.

Has anything ever happened to you solely because of being a 30STM fan? There are people that I met only because of Mars, and friends I have made in the fandom I wouldn't have otherwise.

What is your favorite thing about the fandom? Your least favorite? I think this is a very welcoming, supportive, and open fandom for the most part. It does have certain cliques, which is all right, everyone has their things they're into, but it would be nice if they got along a little better.

Is there any advice you would give to someone who is new to the fandom? Don't get too caught up in rumors. There are some people who are crazy obsessive and love to trash talk. It's a strange combo.

How long have you been writing? Since I was in elementary school.

Why did you start writing? (Either in general or for Mars specifically) I went through a catastrophic health event a few years ago. I found myself stuck at home and mostly bed bound, looking at a slow recovery. I started reading more, and also reading more fanfiction. I restarted my Tumblr account and came across some Mars writers. @thepromiseofanend and @fyeahproudglambert were actually among some of the first writers I read here and very much inspired me to keep writing for the fandom.

Do you write for other fandoms? If so, which ones? I have written for other fandoms in the past but right now the only one I am writing for is Mars.

Do you share everything you write? If not, is there a reason why? No. Not everything I write is Mars related, and some of the pieces I am working on only sporadically and I will share when I have more of them written.

Have you written things that aren't fanfic? If so, could you tell us about those works? I have written plays and screenplays, short stories.. I write a lot I am currently working on a paranormal novel that is original fiction.

Of all your works, which is your favorite and why? I think Fangs and Fairytales is probably my favorite, I love horror and vampires and the paranormal, and it's fun to play with an alternate timeline like that.

Is there one that was particularly difficult to write? Why? There is one I am working on currently that is not yet published that I draw from some difficult personal experiences and struggles. I am not entirely sure I will share it when I am done.

What is the ideal writing environment for you? At your desk? Quiet? Music? I work on my laptop and I prefer to have silence. I can't stand having the television or music on when I am writing. The location doesn't matter much but the silence does. If I can't get silence I will put on headphones with ambient sounds, like thunderstorms. When I was writing the first part of Thunderbirds, I had a site that had cafe sounds that I listened to a lot.

What type of fanfic are you most comfortable writing (drama, fluff, angst, drabbles, series, etc.) I absolutely love to write angst. I torture my characters mercilessly. I also tend towards long pieces.

What is your favorite fanfic trope? Enemies to Friends, Ooops there's only one bed, Mutual Pining

Is there any trope or subject that you won't write? There are certain kinks that I don't care for, and extreme stuff is off the table. Don't make me name them all.

Are there any special tools that you use when creating or writing your story? I use either Open Office for short pieces or Scrivener for longer more structured stories. Grammarly is a lifesaver.

Do you write your story in order or do you jump around and then string it together at the end? Mostly in order. I am a very linear thinker.

Do you outline, or do a great deal of prep work or do you 'fly by the seat of your pants'? I have a general outline and a plan for each story. Some are more detailed than others.

How do you usually get your inspiration? Dreams, music, other stories, movies... I get so many ideas, it's the execution that's an issue more than inspiration.

Do you have ideas on the drawing board or in progress currently that you haven't shared yet? Yes. I have two series that I am working on. One I had originally planned to be ready in a few weeks but due to illness I am behind.

If you have an unpublished work in progress, please pick two to three sentences and share them without context.

Jared assured me however that he was fully prepared, gripping me ever tighter as he pressed me into the upholstered bench seating, no sign of shyness in regards to the driver who was currently ferrying us through damp and intimate back streets. The evening's earlier rain had broken and everything was left looking freshly glazed, colors amplified in reflection. It would have been a lovely drive through the Latin Quarter if he had paused from his advances long enough to look out the window.

Do you like requests? Would you like more or less of them? I love requests but I don't always have time. I have several series I am actively working on for myself, several things in the lab, another collaboration as well as original work. But one of my favorite oneshots (Overtime) came from an anon request. You can always ask. I may not be able to fill it but you can always ask.

Is there an upcoming project from you that you are excited about? Why, and what can you share about it? I am excited about all my writing. There is one piece that won't be coming for a while but it's a new Shannon series with a rather different romantic interest.

The best piece of writing advice you've ever received? Eliminate your inner audience. Whenever we write we have a tendency to think of the people who might be reading it and how they will react. It can limit us from being true and fearless with what we are producing. Write for the characters, focus on the story, and don't mentally allow other people to look over your shoulder. Especially when writing smut.

The worst piece of writing advice you've ever received? For overcoming writer's block: Just sit down and write. If I could do that Karen, I wouldn't be complaining about writer's block.

What piece of advice would you give to someone just starting to write fanfic? Don't worry if you don't get a lot of attention to start. Don't worry if your stories aren't as good as others. Just keep writing and try to make each piece a little better than the last one. Compete against yourself. Your writing will grow and develop as you continue to work and as it does you will find your audience.

Three (stories, series, scenes, etc) written by others that you really like or that inspire you? Only three? I think Save Me by @spillinginkwithlove was probably the thing that truly drew me in. Closer to the Edge (@thepromiseofanend) has my OTP of Mia/Jared. @darklydelicousdesires has my favorite piece of Shannon smut, Double Measures

Are any of your characters closer to being “you” than others? Any reason in particular?  All of my characters have tiny pieces of me in them, whether it's a taste in food or future aspiration. In a lot of ways, I think I'm more Jane than anything, a lot of Jane and Roger’s childhood memories come from my own experience growing up in small towns in Illinois and Indiana -- but there are characters in two pieces I am working on that draw deeply from a lot of my life experiences.

Are any of your characters based on someone you know? Roger (from Thunderbirds) is actually very strongly based on an old boyfriend of mine.

Are any of your plots based on something that happened to you? The upcoming pieces Bodies, Rest and Motion and Mirror Ball both draw strongly on my own personal experiences, although the characters are unique as are the circumstances. The stories aren't autobiographical in any way, I have just drawn on things that I have been through and know to create something that conveys those experiences.

Favorite font for writing? Segoe UI ( In 14pt because I'm blind)

Do you consider yourself a reader outside of fanfic?  Yes. I love to read.

Your favorite book? I don't know about any one book, but I love Brandon Mull, Tad Williams, and Charlaine Harris. Also Poppy Z Brite, Terry Pratchett, so much science fiction and horror.....

Your favorite things to do when you're not writing? I love to cook, watch movies, binge Netflix, hang out with my dogs, play video games and just be with my family.

Two truths and a lie? I owned and ran my own catering company, I lived briefly in Italy, I was the drummer for a punk band

Something surprising about you? My original career ambition (and the college program I started in) was for experimental high energy (particle) physics. I still love science. I am a huge nerd.

Favorite food to enjoy while watching Netflix? Popcorn, of course.

Favorite way to spend a Saturday night? The activity doesn't matter to me as much as the company. I just want to be surrounded by good people. I love a good meal and a card or board game with friends and family. (I love tabletop games and have a small collection. Gloom and Betrayal at House on the Hill are two of my favorites.)

Blankets Tucked or Untucked? Untucked!

Do you have any pets? Would you like to tell us about them? I have two rescued pit bulls that are big love bugs (Twilight and Lokii) and two cats, Coyote and Mayhem. Lokii is the only one that is technically mine (Twilight is my son's dog, and the cats are just household pets) and Lokii never leaves my side. He is very protective and watches over me when I am feeling ill. He is also very goofy and loves to play

Are there any particular battles or struggles in your life you'd like to tell us about? I've been through a lot. I have somehow managed to pick myself up and keep going each time I've been knocked down. You have to keep putting one foot in front of the other, no matter what. There's really no other choice. Just keep going. There's always something good ahead.

Anything you'd like to add? I am horrible at initiation and maintaining friendships. It's mostly an anxiety issue, I feel like I'm annoying people, I think they don't want to talk to me, that they simply tolerate me... I know there are lots of you that can relate to that. Chances are really good that I'd like to talk to you, even if I seem stand-offish or seem to have withdrawn. Please don't ever take it personally. And if we've never talked, well feel free to say hi, or ask me a question. I love to chat, I really do, I'm just bad about keeping things going until I get used to people. I take ridiculously long to get used to people. I guess what I'm saying is I'm a big mess and I have social issues but if you're into that, come chat with me.

[gutterdreams]

Honestly [Billy Hargrove]

4.7k word count. 

Warnings: swearing, lite smut/mentions of smut. 

Disclaimer: I do not own the gif. 

Please let me know what you think. I’m excited to write part 2.

To say your relationship with Billy caused a rift in your friendships would be an overstatement, but a ripple was certainly surging through your platonic relationships because of the California boy. Even when they had tried, they failed to see anything redeeming about him. Between his mullet, inability to button up his shirts, and foul mouth, none of your friends saw anything even remotely decent about Billy Hargrove. Sometimes, you couldn't even defend the issues they took up with him, but he was good to you and, as you liked to tell yourself, that was all that mattered to you.

“I will be there tomorrow, it just won't be until after I'm off work.” Closing your locker right beside Nancy, one of your dearest friends since preschool, you mentioned. She was having a small get together since her parents were out of town due to her dad's business trip and her mom's desperate desire to muddle up some romance between them again.

“Great, great.” Nancy nodded as her voice went up an octave. She exchanged concerned looks with your other friend, Denise, and then sighed. She would regret it if she kept it to herself, “Would it be cool if you didn't, maybe, bring Billy?”

While it was no secret that your friends didn't like your boyfriend, you still looked at them with a widespread stare of disappointment.

“How are you guys ever going to come around to him if you don't hang out with him?” The question felt reasonable to you.

“We're not going to come around to him.” Denise clarified bluntly. Nancy might have been beating around the bush, but as she adjusted her fitted floral blouse that was tucked into her high-waisted pair of Jordache jeans. “Your boyfriend is a psycho. I'm not going to try to understand what you see in him besides his amazing ass.” She could give credit where it was due. They were all just waiting for you to see the light and walk away from him even if they were also scared of what he would do when that day came.

“It's really challenging to be nice to him.” Nancy tried to explain as she turned to lead the three of you down the hall. Even if your schedules rarely collided this semester, you three spent as much time as you could in between classes. She hugged her textbook to her flat chest and cocked her head to the side. It was tiring to always have to talk to you about Billy when she disliked him so contently. She was over trying to convince you that he was no good. It often felt like you weren't talking about the same person. “Especially with how he treats you.”

“That's the thing,” Stopping in front of the door to your chemistry class, you faced them both with a wrinkled forehead. “He's good to me. I know he's flawed and has done really shitty things, but as far as being my boyfriend goes, he's good to me.” It was a line they had heard from you more times than they could count.

Nancy and Denise checked in with one another again, almost decompressing in sync as they returned their eye contact to you.

“He cheats on you, [Y/N].” Denise mentioned. Sometimes, it was so obvious to them that they just assumed you knew and made yourself okay with it. Judging by how narrow your expression went, they realized that you weren't actually clued in. This was the first time you were hearing about it. “After he takes you home,” Your curfew was a nonnegotiable 12:30 AM. “He meets up with someone else.”

“Last week it was Heather O'Malley.” Since you didn't look like you believed Denise, Nancy jumped in and added faces to the story. “And that party at Jared's, he came back and was all over Ashley P.” She nodded along with Denise. “So, if you want to be with him, that's your business, but we can't support it.” She sounded firm and it was the first time that you saw a real resemblance between her and her mother.

On one hand, Denise and Nancy were your closest friends. You couldn't imagine them lying to you or being hurtful on purpose, not after losing Barb. The bond between the three of you had stitched itself even tighter when you lost the other girl in your group. However, you knew how Billy felt at the idea of you being close with someone else. You two talked about trust due to his impulse to crush the skull of any guy who even mumbled your name. You really did give him the benefit of the doubt. If you cheating on him made him feel as horrible as he said it would, you imagined it went both ways. As if on cue, the school bell rang and you could tell Nancy was itching to leave the awkward conversation and head to class.

“I will talk to Billy.” Itching at the hair falling into your face, you told them exasperatedly as you moved to let others past you to get into class. “See you guys later.” Biting down on your lip, you watched them leave with pouts that pitied you and went to find your spot. Of course, your brain couldn't shake what they had said. You found yourself looking for traces of your boyfriend all over the other girls in your class, almost smelling Melissa Godlewinski next to you to see if she carried the aroma of his cologne.

Lunch break required you to assemble yourself like a divorced parent. Some afternoons, you met up with your friends in the cafeteria and hung out or worked on homework and then the others, you stood around Billy's car with his friends or just drove around for the hour with his hand fiddling up whatever skirt you had on. He was leaning against the locker next to yours when you came out of chemistry, waiting for you with an unlit cigarette between his fingers and the sole of one of his shoes against the metal locker.

“Hey, Gorgeous.” He groaned at you through his smirk as you leaned into him, his magnetic pull stronger than your own free will. Instantly, you smiled at his knuckles against your hip and kissed his mouth that perpetually tasted like cigarette ash. It was a flavor you had learned to like. “You ready to go?” He was calling dibs on you this lunch hour.

“Yeah, but can we just hang out you and me?” You asked once your faces were more than a centimeter apart. He flung some of his hair out of his face and looked you up and down, devouring your frame under your chunky red cardigan.  

“Oh yeah?” Both brows wiggling under his curly fringe, he turned his head against the locker and watched you closely as you unlocked your own to put your books away. He was blissfully ignored the freshman who was assigned to the locker beside you, the one he was using as a post to lean on. “You miss me, huh?” He drew his finger, the one against his cigarette, over your ear to tuck hair behind it since your black headband was doing a lousy job at that. It wouldn't have mattered anyway, Billy always wanted to be touching you whether it was both hands leaving fingerprints on the cheeks of your bare bum or just grazing his fingers through your hair. He figured you wanted to hookup and afternoon delight was always worth ditching his friends for.

“Yeah.” Chuckling at his comment, you nodded and shut your locker. His arm was swung over your shoulders almost as soon as your locker was closed. He pushed off the wall and headed slowly down the hallway with you. “I also got to talk to you about something.”

“Is this about that party at Nancy Wheeler's house tomorrow? Because I'm really okay if we skip it.” Just as your friends were uninterested in Billy, he wanted nothing to do with them. Their acceptance meant nothing to him.

“No, it's not that.” You shook your head and wandered through the glass door he held open, releasing you both to a cool November afternoon. “Um...” Billy was already at the bottom of the three cement steps and on the ground while you nervous waited up top. He turned around and impatiently waited for you to join him, his eyebrows connecting above his nose as he observed you and how anxious you appeared. It was a look he only ever saw you wear when you were standing uncomfortably between him and the prudes that were your friends.

“Nancy and Denise and I were talking...” You started through the knot tying itself over and over at the pit of your stomach. As soon as you said the name of your two best friends, Billy's blue eyes rolled to the side and his head dropped back with irritation. “They said they've seen you with other girls before...”

“What do you mean?” His tongue poked into his cheek and he spoke nonchalantly behind his pearly whites, waiting for you to carry on. He wanted you to come right out and say it, accuse him of being the piece of shit everyone knew him to be. “We go to school with other girls. I'm around other female humans...”

“No, like, with them.” Sucking in your stomach, you continued. “And they just - “

“What?” Billy cut you off and stepped back up one stair, his eyes stabbing into yours as he closed more of the space between both of you. “They just what? They just don't want us to be together so they're making up stories? Those bitches would love it if I was cheating on you. They don't like me.” He started to growl, his eyes looking overhead to see if he could spot either of your friends through the windows in the door. He knew where they spent their lunch and had half a mind to go spoil it. “I thought you trusted me, [Y/N].” He pointed his index finger into your chest and pursed his lips together in a protruding frown. “You believe them, don't you?”

“I don't know.” It was the wrong answer and you knew it before you looked up from the toes of your burgundy Keds. Billy let out a burning exhale through his nostrils and it sent your head shaking. “No, I don't. I trust you, I just – it's hard when neither of you guys like each other. I'm in the middle.” Putting up both your palms as if you were caught in a crime by police, you saw the fire threatening to explode in his expanded pupils and tried to calm him down. “I'm sorry.” That was more likely what he wanted to hear. “I shouldn't have even asked. I trust you.” You did even if your friends didn't.

Reluctantly, after a few beats, Billy uncurled his fists at his sides and exhaled deeply from his mouth. He offered you an open hand and linked his fingers between yours before leading you both down the steps. He only unlocked your hands to throw his arm over you again, looking around the parking lot for your friends as he headed to his car. He needed to drive right now. He needed an outlet for his anger. He needed your thigh under his hand as he sped carelessly down an open road. Billy opened up the door to the passenger side of his car and pulled you back just as you were about to enter.

“Don't let them come between us.” He advised in a low tone, hovering his face over you and then kissing you fervently, one hand grabbing your hip and the other behind your neck. “They're just fucking jealous.” He summed up as his lips left yours. Billy stepped back and watched over the hood of his car, looking for the likes of anyone you were close to, and then shut your door behind you. He walked around his beloved Camaro and got in, content to spend his lunch on the go and taking you away from the school he so ardently despised.

* * * *  *  *  * *  

Somehow, Billy felt as if he had won. It was Thursday night and you were in his bedroom, not at your part time job at the nearest Dairy Queen and not listening to pop music in Nancy Wheeler's room. He was smoking like a chimney, letting out long exhales of pungent smoke, while laying with his shirt open on top of his unmade bed. Loudly, Slayer was playing as you sat crossed legged by his feet, using your shut textbook as a makeshift desk as you filled out an application for California State University, this time the Long Beach campus.

He rolled his head to the side of his pillow and watched you, eyes fluttering with adoration as you kept focused on writing your answers with clean penmanship. While it wasn't always easy to work while Billy's loud music bounced off the walls, you had learned how to mostly drown it out. Under his sock, Billy wiggled his big toe against your knee and earned your attention. Looking up slightly, you smiled at his feet and then at him, noting the big grin he had on.

“Seven months and we could be in Long Beach.” From the second you pulled the brochure out of your bag, Billy had begun building a life for you in the California city just like he had on Monday when you were filling out an application for the Bakersfield campus. Each time, he couldn't contain his excitement. It drove him to finish high school in Hawkins, to keep going when his house felt more like a war zone. You two were going to graduate high school and he was going to whisk you away, take you to California, where you could start the life he wanted. 

He thought he had it all figured out. He would work construction while you went to school studying whatever major you finally decided on. You two would rent a bachelor apartment that was just enough room for the two of you until you could afford larger. He figured you could easily find a random waitress job or part time gig at Gap to help pay rent. Billy was even finding himself imagining you with a ring on your finger and a little mullet donning baby bouncing on his knee. Marriage and kids hadn't been in his daydreams before, but when he thought about the two of you ditching Indiana for California, his mind expanded into colorful places it hadn't considered before. 

“You're going to love it out there.” He promised. You two had chatted once before about moving elsewhere, but Billy had his heart set on going back to California and you didn't mind. The college selection out there was large and well-regarded. It wasn't as if you knew what you wanted to study yet anyway. You just knew you didn't want to be serving blizzards out of a drive-thru window much longer.

“I know. You tell me that all the time.” Chuckling, amused, you reminded him as you put down your pen on top of the application – giving the ballpoint and your fingers a short break.

Billy pat the open space under his other arm that was folded behind his hair. You rested the textbook, application, and pen on the floor and laid down beside him with ease. You wished that Denise and Nancy could see Billy like this: relaxed and in his element. This was where you felt closest to him and this is why you could forgive his temper, bad judgement, and lack of manners. Feet crossed together at the edge of his bed and his arm around you while you stared at the ceiling with each other, Billy felt like someone you could be with forever. Of course, you knew your friends would never see him like this. He felt so tense and defensive around them that he would have to be sedated in order to actually relax. Billy's heartbeat never went to a normal rate when he has standing around with your group. It took all of his energy to not start a fight every time.

In an effort to be closer to you, Billy put out his cigarette in the plastic ashtray on the night stand beside him. He turned onto his side and grinned like the Chesire Cat at you before beginning to kiss your neck, right where your clavicle and shoulder met. He tugged at the wide neck of your shirt to make room for his mouth. Both his hands wandered around the perimeter of your body as he nuzzled into you, moaning. Your eyes fluttered open and closed as you squirmed on top of his bed.

“Your stepmom is home.” You reminded him with a small laugh. “And Max.”

“I don't care.” Billy groaned into your neck as his hands slid under your shirt, tugging on it slightly as a clear indicator that he didn't want it on your body anymore. His erection was growing under his jeans and he happily pushed it against your groin. It was a wonder how it didn't split through the front of his denim that he only wore skintight. As you pulled your top overhead, Billy broke away from your body to fiddle with his belt in order to remove his pants. He was watching you as you laid back down, a bra and jeans the only thing left in his way of the body he proudly called his own. Your eyes slid away as you removed your headband to toss it to the ground. It went without saying that when you and Billy fucked he would grip at your hair. Your eyes caught the sight of his open cigarette carton on his nightstand next to the ash tray. A phone number in black cursive was written across it in a style much neater and daintier than Billy's. Underneath it, the name Brenda was written in the same font. Right before you could ask who Brenda was, his mouth was on yours again and he put your right hand on the elastic waist of his boxer briefs, urging you to touch him as he clumsily kissed at your mouth, parting it  with his eager tongue.

Billy slid one hand behind you, wasting no time to play with the clasps of your bra. As much as he liked that you were wearing one with no padding, just white lace, he much preferred the feeling of your bare breasts in his hands. The goosebumps that arose around your nipples when he touched them always turned him on more than he generally was. You arched your back slightly to give him more access and when his hand slid out, you noticed the pack of birth control that slid from under the pillow with it and not the championship smile he was donning over you.

“Whose are those?” Instantly, you sat up and put your arm out to keep space between both you and Billy. You fumbled with raising the straps of your bra over your shoulders as they had fallen as soon as he had it undone.

“They're yours.” He shrugged and lifted his nose upward.

“I take mine in the morning. I've never brought it here.” That was a fact. “And that's a 28 pack and it's Alesse.” You took a 21 pack and by Yaz. Some things, a girl just knew. Some things, Billy Hargrove couldn't charm his way out of. “Oh my god.” Shaking your head as you held it low, you reached behind yourself with both hands and started to clasp your bra back on. “God, I'm so stupid.” Hissing at yourself, you tried to remember to breathe. Billy lied to you. He looked you in the eyes that afternoon and lied to you, made you feel awful for assuming he was cheating on you. Your friends were right and you were the fool.

Dumbfounded, Billy just slid off the bed and stared at you with a look that suggested you were insane. It was his go-to defensive trick whenever you two disagreed.

“How am I supposed to know how it got there? Maybe, it's Max's, or Susan's, or some random girl my Dad's with.”

Once your shirt was over your head, you fixed Billy with a look that silently asked, 'Are you serious?'.

“Why would you step mom's birth control be in your bed?” Your eyes were squinting so tightly together that they were practically shut. You couldn't believe that you even had to ask a question so ridiculous. You knew the birth control wasn't Max's because she was thirteen and you weren't about to entertain the possibility that Neil Hargrove was cheating, not Billy. The fact of the matter was there was birth control pills in Billy's bed and they were not yours. “I'm leaving. I can't be here right now.” You swung your legs over his bed and stood up and Billy had to stop himself from pushing you back down, he stood in front of you and tightly took your wrist in one hand to keep you from moving away from him.

Fear shone evidently through your eyes as a gasp was stuck in your throat, mouth hanging open as Billy shook in front of you with his eyes maintaining a piercing glare at you. He had scared you, just like he did when he sped with his eyes shut. He remembered how shitty he felt when he pulled over,  manically laughing only to see how terrified and upset you were by his side. Billy loosened his grip and slid his fingers over your palm softly until his hands were locked behind his head.

“It was one time, [Y/N].” He confessed and rolled his eyes as soon as you huffed. “It meant nothing. I was drunk. I don't even remember her.”

You didn't know what to think or what to believe because, all at once, the trust between you both that kept your relationship together was broken. It was impossible to know now if Billy was telling you the truth or not.

Your mouth stayed hanging open until you swallowed at the pain forming in your chest and threatening to meet your throat. You bent down to collect your things and pack them up in your school bag. The music you could usually tune out was growing louder and it made the room feel smaller. All you wanted to do was get out. Billy was hovering over you as you unzipped your bag and started stuffing things into it.

“Come on, don't leave. Talk to me. Hit me. Scream at me. Don't fucking leave.” Billy spoke at you, frustration with the situation obvious in his tone. Up until then you had never heard a vocal eye roll.

“I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to hit you. I don't want to - “ Stopping yourself you started looking around his room for your cardigan, not sure where he had pulled it off of you when you first came in an hour and a half ago. “Billy, I can't even think right now. You lied to me today and for however many other days...” Right now, you were in action mode, but your voice was warbling along with your bottom lip and you didn't know how long you could stay there without sobbing. The ache in your chest was beginning to knock loudly and you were seconds away from letting it in.

“One girl! One time. You're going to throw this away because of one fuck up?” He shouted at you, side stepping to stay in your path every time you tried to move past him.

“Was it Brenda?” You asked, thinking of the cigarette carton on his nightstand.

“Who?” He asked right as you saw your knit sweater laying over top of his messy dresser. Billy was confused by the female name you guessed and let you slip over to his dresser due to the distraction. You peeled your arms through each sleeve viciously and then opened up his top drawer, just in case he was lying again. The collection of lacy underthings confirmed in a bevvy of colors that everyone else was right about Billy. You had been played. For a second, you heaved out a laugh and then glanced over your shoulder as you could sense Billy coming closer. His cologne wafted closer, the floor creaked under his socked feet, and his body's warmth was infringing on your back. You spun around and tossed the first underwear you grabbed, a small black crotchless contraption that you had never even considered wearing. It hit his chest lightly and slid down him to the floor, but before he had looked up from his feet he had a handful of other pieces being tossed at him.

“One fucking girl!” You shouted as you threw bra after bra after underwear at him, eyes burning with tears that were rushing out of you in a heavy flood. “One girl!” You screamed. “What did she move in for a week?” You didn't look at the sizes of lingerie, but you could tell they weren't all just from one girl and, if they were, they were not from just one night. Loudly, you began to sob as Billy moved in closer. He took your arms, one by the wrist and one by the elbow to keep you from whacking at him and tried to hold you firmly in one spot. “You don't deserve me!” You screamed in his face, your own violently turning red. Nancy had told you from the night you first went out on a date to the movies with Billy. He didn't deserve you. At the time, it sounded silly, but now you wanted it to be true. You wanted her to be right finally.

“Calm the fuck down.” Billy warned behind grit teeth. He couldn't talk to you if you were so worked up. “[Y/N]!” He groaned bombastically as you tried to wrestle away from him, but before he could carry you over to his bed to sit you down, his bedroom door swung open and his Dad looked angrier than both of you in the doorway.

“Both of you!” He almost roared, holding himself back. You knew that Neil had a temper that inspired his son's, but he had never directed it at you before. He had degraded his son in your presence or raised his voice at Billy, but Neil largely left you out of it. It was no secret that he felt you were too good for his boy. “Stop it.” He growled and instantly Billy let go of you. “Max is going to sleep, you two are being very fucking rude,” He kept going, his glare opening fire on Billy and then bouncing quickly over to you. “turn your music off and shut up!” He shouted before composing himself. His chest fell inward and he took note of the girl's underwear all over the floor behind his son. “[Y/N], it's time for you to go home.” You were only there under the belief that you and Billy were working on homework together. He didn't think that included studying for the debate team.

“Yep.” For once, you agreed with Billy's dad. With one wrist, you wiped at your eyes and then stalked between the Hargrove men to collect your backpack. “I'm sorry, Mr. Hargrove.” The manners your grandmother drilled into you as a little girl won and you couldn't help, but mumble out an apology as you walked by Neil to the door.

“I'll drive you home.” Defeated, Billy sighed and walked around his bed to find his jean jacket and keys. You didn't turn around though, you didn't stop to wait or acknowledge him at all. “It's cold out.” He spoke past his Dad to you, but you walked towards his living room, out of his sight. Leaving him alone to handle his Dad's wrath, not playing the role of his safe haven anymore.

[rainbowitup]

Long Live

It’s a typical Friday afternoon, and I’m in the car on the way to pick up McDonald’s for lunch. There’s construction on the overpass, which means traffic is backed up and barely moving at all. But all of that is okay because today when I got in the car, I chose to listen to Taylor Swift’s Speak Now album. Couldn’t even tell you why, other than it just struck me like it was a good idea.

So I listen to Better Than Revenge, then Dear John, and then Long Live comes on. And I’ve always had this strange connection with this song - something about the melody or the instruments or something has always kind of pulled at me. 

And today, it brought me to tears. And it’s funny, because really, Long Live is about Taylor and her band, and how after years of being made fun of and laughed at by other musicians and critics, they finally made it. And I mean, I’m happy in life - with my friendships, with my marriage, my children, my home, my hobbies, and my job - but I haven’t made it. I’m not famous. This song shouldn’t resonate with me so deeply. I really don’t relate to the story she’s telling. Except I kinda do. Let me tell you why.

I said, “Remember this moment,” in the back of my mind. The time we stood with our shaking hands...

I was in Chicago and at my first ever Supernatural convention. I was in a line up in the hallway standing with hundreds of other Misha Collins fans, but I was alone because I didn’t know a single one of them. Turns out that didn’t matter. When I finally got into the room could see that I was actually standing in the same room as Misha Collins I couldn’t contain my excitement, and after literally flailing, the girl in front of me joined in and we became fast friends.

My hands were shaking. My heart was beating so erratically I felt like my chest was vibrating. I couldn’t feel my legs, and I was sweating profusely. It was the most excited/nervous/petrified I have ever been in my entire life, and I’ll remember that moment for as long as I live.

I said, “Remember this feeling.” I passed the pictures around...

In Toronto, at my second Supernatural convention, I was sitting alone and knew from prior experience it would be so much more fun if I made friends with the people I was sitting with. I’d be sitting with them all weekend, after all! So I did. I remember it started when somebody on stage made a mean (but harmless) joke about Misha, and I booed - loudly. The girls next to me nodded in agreement, and that was it, we were friends. After every op, we’d grab our pictures and then run back to our seats to share them with each other. We’d point out what we liked and what we didn’t. We’d go over every word, every look, every second of what it felt like to be close to our favorite people and we knew that we understood each other’s excitement and passion. We had found our people.

And it’s the same online after every convention. I sit and stare at pictures of my friends with their favorite people for way longer than I should. I listen enthusiastically and yell in all caps when they tell me about THE LOOK Misha gave them right before the picture was taken, or when Rob said, “Nice to see you again,” or what it felt like to have Jared’s giant body wrapped around them.

We pass the pictures around enthusiastically in this fandom.

I was screaming, "Long live the look on your face!"

It was one of my first ever photo ops, and it happened with Kim Rhodes and Briana Buckmaster. I wasn’t even huge fans of them at the time (BUT I AM NOW) but man, I was still excited. The best part for me during this op wasn’t meeting the famous people, though. It was sharing this op with my online-turned-real-life best friend, Michelle. We live in different countries, but I flew to Chicago and we roomed together. And Michelle was a huge fan of Kim and Bri. We had our photo op, which was one big squishy hug for the four of us, and while I thought it was fun and screamed at Kim and Bri how pretty they both were, Michelle was star struck. I can still see her face as clear as day in my mind today, a year later. She had tears in her eyes, and she was doing her damnedest not to cry, but the joy and awe she felt were broad casted all over her face. I loved her then and I love her now, and this is what I thought of when I heard that line today. “Long live the look on your face.” If I could create a world where she was that happy every single day, I would do it in a heartbeat.

This is what really got the tears flowing though: Can you take a moment? Promise me this: that you’ll stand by me forever. But if God forbid, fate should step in and force us into a goodbye... If you have children some day, when they point to the pictures, please tell them my name. Tell them how the crows went wild. Tell them how I hope they shine.

I have made friendships through Supernatural that I know will last a lifetime, but I’ve also made friendships that are strong and fulfilling in this moment that I know will not last forever. Because some of them are based solely on the fact that we are enamoured by the same show and the same people who are in the show - and that’s okay. Not every friendship is going to last forever. But that doesn’t make it any less meaningful.

So when I think about eventually losing touch with some of the people I spend so much time talking to now, this is what I think about. Please tell them my name. Tell them how I hope they shine. Because, God, even if I never talk to you again, you have no idea how deeply I want good, beautiful, long and shiny lives for you and your children. For the people you love dearest.

I hope one day when you’re old and grey, you find these dusty photo ops that we paid an obscene amount of money for, and you show your kids. I hope you tell them how awesome it was to squeeze our favorite people, and I hope you still smile about it thirty years from now. But more than that, I hope you point me out. I hope you show them who I am, and that you have a funny story to tell them about a time I made you laugh, or maybe a story about when you had a really bad day and I popped online at the right time and was able to make you smile instead. I hope you tell them about my kids, and funny things they said, and I hope you know that no matter how many years it’s been since we’ve talked that I will stand by you forever.

And I was screaming, "Long live all the magic we made!"

Listen, a lot of you create. You create art, and stories, and music, and poems. Your minds are unbelievable, and I spend a large chunk of my time sitting here wondering how I’ve become friends with some of the brightest, sharpest minds I’ve ever known. You help make the things I create better. You put feelings into words, give love to characters who need it, make fantasies become reality, and you support one another every single day whenever we do it. We share, and comment, and recommend what we love to other people who might love it, too. We might not love these characters or ship these two people together forever, but fuck if I don’t think of you guys when I hear: long live the magic we made. Because we have made magic, and we made it together.

And lastly: I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you.

We’re not going to be this passionate about this TV show forever. We’re not going to rewatch the same 400 episodes (TULPA) enough to re-watch them and analyze them and GIF them and make up headcanons about the things that are never explained properly for the rest of our lives. We might love it forever, but it won’t always be exactly like this. There won’t always be conventions. There won’t always be opportunities to hop on a plane to go watch our favorite band play together. There won’t always be another new fan fiction story to read and discuss.

But for the record, for however long this phase of my life lasts, goddamn did I have the time of my life with you guys. You helped me discover who I am. What makes my blood start pumping. You helped me learn things about myself I never would have learned if it wasn’t for a TV show. You made me love who I am, exactly the way that I am. You showed me that friendship between two people can be deep and fulfilling even when we’re not in the same country. You have made me laugh more in the last two years than I’ve laughed in the last twenty, and I’m not exaggerating.

You have yelled for me when a picture of my favorite person literally made me breathless. You have watched me cry when I didn’t get the experience I hoped for during an autograph session. You have spent days being my tour guide in New York City. You’ve invited me into your home. You’ve spent hours creating art for stories I’ve written just because you wanted to. You’ve sent me songs that made you think about my characters - and you were so spot on I cried. You’ve sent me birthday cards and gift baskets and even wrote me porn. You held my hand virtually when my aunt was diagnosed with cancer and all throughout the years she was fighting it. You pretended to care when I vented about shit you had no idea what I was even talking about. You’ve had my back and fought my battles when I wasn’t strong enough to do it myself. You pushed me into doing something I was afraid to do, and the payback was enormous. Your wit, your GIFs, your minds, and your commentary have brightened my life exponentially in ways I will never be able to express.

In a nutshell: I’ve had the time of my life with you.

Long live, you guys. Long live all of this and all of you.

[sarcasticace]

.

. .

… 

Hello?

Is this thing on?

How do you work this thing? Oh, there it goes… Wait, was it already on? Oh, nevermind.

Hi, guys! Diego here, your friendly neighborhood struggling college student. Back at you again with another weekly vlog. Only this time… this video’s gonna be a little different than what you’re used to. 

See.

Mmmm.

Today’s the anniversary of the La Huerta event. Five years. You all know I was there. I get enough messages asking me what happened. I tend to ignore those.

Sorry.

I just…

It’s a lot, you know?

A lot of shit happened and I… I like to try and forget about it. Try and fail.

When I first started making videos, it was so I’d have an outlet to talk about things. This included. That was the plan, anyway, but… I’d start, but never go through with it and just delete the draft.

I’ll talk about it, one day, but not today… today I want to talk about what came after. You know, when we came back. I want to talk about how it…. affected us. How we’re doing. Me and my friends. So you know why I have problems talking about it to you guys. 

There were thirteen of us.

Myself, Terrance, Jake, Grace, Sean, Estela

Quinn, Aleister, Zahra, Raj, Craig, Michelle and…

and Lila.

…

She didn’t make it.

…

You all probably heard the story one way or another. Everett Rourke, think the Anti-Tony Stark if he was raised by Lex Luther and Dr. Doom. Rourke got his hands on some time-travel nonsense. I still don’t completely understand everything that happened. It was all such a whirlwind. One day I’ve having a beer by the hotel pool, watching Raj do a cannonball on top of Craig, the next I’m being taken pris-

… 

We stopped him, but… they put us in quarantine. We spent a long time in a lab. We’re were giving off this strange energy signature. They were worried we were radioactive or something. I don’t know, I’m not smart enough for that stuff, but after that they let us go home. So we went home, tried to forget and get on with our lives, but the thing is… you can’t forget. Not something like that. It catches up to you. The nightmares, mostly. What happened, what we did, what we didn’t do. 

…

It was different on the island. We were running from one dangerous situation to the next, dodging bullets and time paradoxes. Paradoxi? Paradoxes? Fuck, time bullshit. Like… fuck time travel. Back to the Future makes it sounds cool, like, I’d kill to ride in a DeLorean. But that’s movie stuff.

I guess I shouldn’t really be complaining. Terrance dealt with most of that bullshit. 

…

It really got to him.

Even on the island, he’d start talking about things that never happened. Conversations we never had, knowing things nobody told him. It freaked me out, but I think it freaked him out more. He had visions too. Bad ones. He doesn’t talk about them. Except with Michelle.

…

Terrance is doing good. Considering. He lives with Michelle. We don’t talk that much anymore. We’re still best friends, sure, but… he’s tired. He’s tired a lot, all the time. It’s good he’s living with Michelle. She makes sure he doesn’t stay in bed. I don’t think he’d actually stay there all day, every day, but….

Michelle is good for him. They’re good together. I’m kind of jealous.

Michelle is doing great. Missing so much school put her back, put us all back really, but she got back into the swing of things. She’s still planning to be a neurosurgeon which is cool. She still has a year or two to go, I think. I don’t think I could ever do that. The blood and-

…

When we finally got back stateside, well, out of the labs and back home… back to Hartfeld, Michelle went off on the Kappa girls. It was AH-MAH-ZING. So good. I think Zahra got it all. Next time I see her, I’ll try and get a copy and post it for you guys. Michelle just tears into them. Somebody call the fire department, you know?

Zahra is doing good. Considering. I’m probably going to be saying that a lot. She’s alone, most of the time. She dropped out of school. She’s still in Northbridge, got herself an apartment. She’s always sending me funny Youtube videos. A lot of cat stuff. Cats are funny. I think she sends them to everyone. I think I’m the only one who responds back. 

She shaved her head.

I mean, I guess she kinda had to after what the Arachnid did-

did to…

They, ah…

…

She keeps it shaven. She always comes to the reunions and she always keeps it short. It looks nice. Don’t tell her I said that.

I don’t think she watches my videos.

She might. 

Fuck.

She told me she got a cat. Named her Varyyn. They go for walks which is weird, like, you walk dogs, not cats. I guess some people do it, but… I don’t know. It’s weird. Having Varyyn helps Zahra. Caring for something else, having them depend on you. I get that with the fish Terrance got me for my birthday.

He named it Cetus.

Most of us try to avoid conflict. Well, besides the thing with Michelle and the Kappa girls. We just… you know, try to do our own thing. Not Sean though. If anything, the La Huerta event lit a fire in him. He’s not into football anymore. He went to one game, got onto the field and then… walked away. He didn’t see a point. After learning what happened with Jake and the Arachnid and companies like Rourke, Sean went into the political scene. 

…

There are more men out there like Rourke. Sean wants to make sure they never get the chance to do what he did. He wants to make the world a better place. 

Craig, on the other hand, he stuck with football and got drafted! Woot woot. My boy, #68!

 …

I like Craig. He’s… he’s nice when you get to know him. He’s an amazing Offensive Guard. Like, you should’ve seen him on the island. Knocked down heavily armored, military-trained soldiers like they were plastic cups. I guess… I guess with Sean out of the picture, Craig could really shine. He’s not bad, but compared to Sean… it’s like, I mean, the dude’s 6′5″. Who wouldn’t look at-

…

Moving on.

While a fire was lit in Sean, Estela’s fire died down. She stayed enrolled at Hartfeld, even though it was just a means to get to Rourke through Aleister, but she took a lot of time off for herself. She lives with Quinn now. They’re not together together, but they’re really good friends now. Helps out with Quinn’s bakery. I go there a lot and give her a hard time. Quinn laughs at my jokes, Estela just gives me a cold stare. Like she might drag me into the backroom and bake me into a cake.

Oh, I should probably talk about Quinn’s bakery. For Goodness’ Cake. BEST. CUPCAKES. EVER. If you haven’t gone, go. It’s the best. 

It’s Quinn’s pride and joy. Aleister helped her start it up before selling his father’s company. I’ll talk about that next. Quinn’s parents help her out and guess what? They got back together. Quinn was really hoping they would. I’m happy for her. I guess she took a page from Raj. If pies make peace, what do cakes make? I mean, the cake’s definitely not a lie, amiright?

… 

Moving on.

Yeah, Aleister took over his father company. Being the sole heir and all. He helped Quinn get started with her bakery then he sold it, but not before wiping all traces of Rourke’s projects. All the research plans and prototypes. Gone. I don’t see that much of Aleister, but he always attends our reunions. He travels a lot. He says he wants to see more of the world. He certainly has enough money to live comfortably without a job.

Lucky bastard.

Grace reconnected with her mom. They’re doing good. Grace said she’ll be taking over when her mom retired. 

Oh and guess what?

They got married! Like, I didn’t think they would! I didn’t think Aleister would work up the courage, but he did. It was a great wedding. Small, just us and Grace’s parents.  

Jake’s still a pilot, but he’s no longer on the run. That’s good. He got to see his mom again and his sister. I wasn’t there, but Terrance was. You know, for support. He said there wasn’t a lot of talking, but a lot of crying. I can imagine. 

And omg, he cut his hair. I think his mom made him do it. Okay, so, during the wedding, I saw this really cute guy and I’m thinking ‘Who is this guy? I thought Grace and Aleister only invited us?’ So I walk up to him to talk and it was Jake! Like, we all joke and say he looks like Jared Leto. That’s why his nickname is Joker, but he totally looks like Ryan Reynolds except, you know, not as tall. 

Raj cleaned up his act. I mean, not that it needed cleaning up, but…. hey, no drugs! He’s still all about those parties, but… he’s more focused now. He wants to be a chef! You know, his feasts really brought us together on the island. Without him, we would’ve been our own undoing before Rourke or the Vaanti ever got their hands on us. He’s working with this really strict, but really talented chef in Northbridge. I think her name is Mira?

… 

We’re all doing good.

…

Sometimes I catch myself wondering if this is a dream. That this is my brain’s attempt to give me some rest and when I wake up, I’ll be back on the island. Totally bearded again, back into the fight. An endless summer.

I know that’s not true. I’m here. It’s over. I’m picking up the pieces. My life’s mine again. The nightmares are still there, but I know I’ll be alright someday. We’ll all be alright someday.

We have each other and I couldn’t ask for a better group of friends.

This is Deigo and I’ll see you next time on The Diego Show!

[thing-you-do-with-that-thing]

Measured in Love

Characters: Y/N, Misha Collins, Sophia, Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki, Sophia’s father, Reader’s sister.

Pairing: Misha x Reader

Warnings: Mention of character death, not as angsty as that warning make it sound!   

Word Count: 1200ish

A/N: This was hard as hell to write. I have never attempted this style before and I am not sure I will again. I wish I had mastered it better but this is as good as it is gonna get.

It is written for @the-awkward-writer’s 500 follower celebration challenge and my prompt was Seasons of Love from Rent which is one of my favorite songs from one of my favorite musicals.

Thanks a billion to the sweet amazing @winchester-writes for betaing this for me

***My fics are not to be saved nor posted on any other sites without my express written permission.***

July 12th was the first time your eyes met. It was the first time you saw his smile and your heart skipped a beat. July 12th was your first day working on Supernatural. It was the first day you talked to the man who was going to be there with you through it all. It was the first day you heard his voice and the first day he made you laugh as your hands were running through his hair, getting him ready for his scene.

August 1st was the first time he was waiting outside the hair and makeup trailer for you to finish work. It was the first time you blushed deeply in front of him, and the first time Misha asked you out. It was the first time you stumbled over your words, before finally managing to say yes. It was the first time you saw that light in his beautiful blue eyes, which only ever got lit for you.

August 2nd Misha held your hand as you walked off the set with him. He made you smile and laugh. He made you feel important and adored. Misha bought the two of you coffee and donuts, taking you down to the river. He asked you questions and he listened to you. He made you smile and laugh. He held you close as he kissed you goodbye leaving you wanting more. Everything. With him.

Every day until August 14th when Misha took you out on your second date, he texted, he called or dropped by the trailer after shooting. And that second date was a date like none you had ever been on before. He had sent you a wink asking you if you trusted him. Oddly enough, as little as you knew him, you did. You trusted him enough to sneak into an abandoned plot and climb up on the roof of the house with him. You sat between his legs watching the sunset with him, smiling as his lips ghosted over your shoulder.

You had never been happier lying in his arms when the first beams of the sun hit your naked body on August 15th. The smile beaming on your face reflected in his as his eyes shone brightly at you, pulling you close.

Over the course of the next few months you spent every moment possible with Misha, even if it caused you to blush daily with the playful teasing aimed at the two of you… well mostly at Misha from his two co-stars Jensen and Jared. You didn’t mind. You liked the two idiots and Misha just shrugged, pulling you into his arms kissing you breathless in front of them, pulling apart from you with a goofy smile on his face, whispering any amount of teasing was worth that.

October 2nd was the day you received the news of your sister. She had died in a car crash, leaving behind your 4 year old niece. Misha had been the first person you had run to as your lawyer hung up the phone. His arms were the ones you had sought comfort in when you cried yourself to sleep that night. His strength was yours over the next two months of custody battles against Sophia’s no good dad, who your sister had spent years trying to keep her safe from.

On December 4th, with Misha’s financial and moral support you had won sole custody of your niece and Misha had asked the two of you to move in with him. You had never cried so many happy tears as you had that day.

You had been so worried that no matter what you had done or ever would do, you could never be a good enough parent for Sophia. You could never be what the little girl deserved. That combined with the loss of your sister had kept you up past midnight on the 24th of December. Misha had held you, listened to you and let you cry, before he had even started reminding you of all the reasons he was sure you could do this. Before he had fished a ring out of his pocket, falling down on one knee before you, telling you this was not the way he had planned this. He knew you well enough to know, you needed to hear you never had to do any of this alone. You needed to hear that he loved you and that he would never leave your side. On the 25th of December you flew into his arms, sending him tumbling to the floor as you kissed him breathless. You were lying beneath the christmas tree when Misha gave you the best gift you could ever have asked for. A life with him and Sophia and tears were streaming down your cheeks as you whispered your yes.

The miles you and Sophia spent traveling back and forth between set and your new Washington state home didn’t mean anything. All the days you spent with Misha as a family was worth it all. On April 16th the adoption came through and Sophia Y/L/N became Sophia Collins only 3 days before you became Y/N Collins, as you married the love of your life in the presence of all your friends and family.

Today is July 11th and a year has past since that beautiful blue-eyed man walked into your life and changed it forever. Today you were sitting on the steps of his trailer with your five year old then niece now daughter in your lap. She smiled brightly up at you as she asked you if you think Daddy’s is going to be happy and it was all you could do not to cry. You still missed your sister every day. It had not been your choice for Sophia to start calling the two of you mom and dad, but you couldn’t find it in your heart to object to her affections and you knew your sister wouldn’t want you to either.

You nodded with a warm smile on your face, looking up when you heard Misha’s surprised gleeful greeting when he saw the two of you waiting for him as he headed off set for his break. Your eyes teared up along with his as Sophia ran to him and Misha read the text on the little girls shirt; spinning her around in the air, kissing her cheeks and reaching out for you, pulling you closely against his chest as your lips met as Sophia ewed playfully.

A year is not measured in the miles we travel across continents to be with family. It is not measured in the trials and tribulations we must go through. It is not even measured in the lives that we lose. It’s not measured in the times we laugh or cry. It is not measured in cups of coffee, sunsets or sunrises. It is measured in love and standing right here in the arms of your husband, with your fingers running through your daughter's hair and a small new life growing inside of you. You knew this year had been the best of your life.

Misha Tag Team

 @mysupernaturalfics @blacktithe7 @percywinchester27  @docharleythegeekqueen @hexparker @feelmyroarrrr @starswirlblitz @d-s-winchester @deanxfuckingadorablexwinchester @fuckyeahfeysand @winchesters-flannels @tennesseewhiskey-and-pie @supernatural-jackles @adriellej @dance4angels @jayankles @mouselovesmusic @twistnshoutx @redunicorn10 @atc74 @sandlee44 @gecko9596 @jensen-jarpad @deansleather @phoenixia67 @chaos-and-the-calm67 @aiaranradnay @castiels-broken-fool @bemyqueenofdarkness @bbgmichael @ashleydivine @smoothdogsgirl @maui137 @molleighs @itsbubbaog @trashforwinchesters

[lifejustgotawkward]

365 Day Movie Challenge (2017) - #348: Blade Runner 2049 (2017) - dir. Denis Villeneuve

As the end credits rolled on Blade Runner 2049 last Sunday night at the Regal Union Square multiplex, I turned to my friend and asked her my usual question, “So, what did you think?” She groaned out, “that was really boring,” and the wave of relief I felt at her response was the perfect summation of my feelings.

How did Blade Runner 2049 disappoint me? Let me count the ways.

I watched Ridley Scott’s original Blade Runner (1982) back in September. I was impressed, though not bowled over, by the theatrical cut, but I still wanted to give the final cut a chance. When I got around to watching that “definitive” version, I found that I actually missed Harrison Ford’s gruff, noiresque narration from the earlier edit of the film, but overall my appreciation for Blade Runner had grown and the second viewing allowed me to focus less on the plot and to better appreciate both the acting and the technical aspects of the production.

My expectations for Blade Runner 2049 were fairly high. I was eager to see how Denis Villeneuve built on Scott’s (and, of course, writer Philip K. Dick’s) visions of dystopian Los Angeles by pushing the narrative thirty years further into the future from the first Blade Runner’s setting in 2019. Although I missed the chance to see this new installment in IMAX - hey, those tickets are expensive when you don’t have spare cash to throw around! - I knew I still had to take the time to watch the film on the big screen. No TV could possibly do justice to an epic sci-fi tale of the Blade Runner variety, at least not for an introductory experience.

Bear with me, now, when I say that Blade Runner 2049 was a massive letdown. Yes, Roger Deakins’ stunning cinematography is practically guaranteed to earn him an Oscar nomination. And yes, the art direction, production design and set decoration further supports Denis Villeneuve‘s strengths regarding compelling visuals. I would also be totally fine with Renée April getting an Oscar nomination for costume design since the coat that Officer K (Ryan Gosling) wears throughout the film is incredible. Unfortunately, for the third year in a row (after Sicario and Arrival) my hopes for Villeneuve’s work have been dashed. For three years running he has fallen short of his ambitious ideas, whether attempting to concentrate on an idealistic DEA agent (Emily Blunt in Sicario), a linguist simultaneously mourning the death of her daughter and trying to make contact with aliens (Amy Adams in Arrival) or a Replicant Blade Runner (Ryan Gosling in Blade Runner 2049) who unravels a mystery about a female Replicant who was able to bear a child. All of these protagonists should be worthy of my undivided attention. Instead, Gosling - like one of Nexus’s new edition of Replicants - is just another in a continuing line of failed leads.

Part of the issue is Ryan Gosling’s own fault. In interviews I find him absolutely delightful, a funny and self-deprecating guy with a nicely offbeat sense of humor; in movies he is unremittingly bland. Whether we’re talking about The Notebook or Crazy, Stupid, Love or The Big Short, he never seems to have any discernible personality on film. It makes sense, then, that he would be chosen to play an android in Blade Runner 2049. But what does it say that he didn’t even play Officer K well? Replicants can be portrayed with emotion, if you recall Rutger Hauer, Sean Young, Daryl Hannah, Brion James and Joanna Cassidy in the original Blade Runner. Each actor breathed life into their characters in unique styles. So why couldn’t Villeneuve and screenwriters Hampton Fancher and Michael Green find a way to inject some flavor into their film’s characters?

The posters for Blade Runner 2049 imply that Harrison Ford and Jared Leto play important roles in the film, but in actuality, Leto’s “antagonist,” Niander Wallace, barely has any screen time and Ford’s returning antihero, Rick Deckard, doesn’t show up until the last third of the film. I enjoyed every moment he was onscreen, spitting his dialogue out with the same jaded sarcasm he had in the first film, but I wish the character had had more time to develop in the film. Wallace bears an undistinguished aura of evil, but what was supposed to be so special about him? Given the spotlight often put on his sightless eyes during “creepy” closeups, was his blindness really intended to be read as part of what defined him as bad (in which case, uh, what is that saying about disabilities)?

Next we have to take a look at the women of Blade Runner 2049. There are six notable female characters: Joi (Ana de Armas), a hologram who is a product created by Niander Wallace and who functions solely as K’s live-in girlfriend; Luv (Sylvia Hoeks), a Replicant who acts as Niander Wallace’s right-hand woman; Lieutenant Joshi (Robin Wright), K’s supervisor on the police force; Mariette (Mackenzie Davis), a "pleasure model” Replicant; Dr. Ana Stelline (Carla Juri), who works for the Wallace corporation in a capacity that I shouldn’t spoil for those who have not seen the film; and Freysa (Hiam Abbass), who plays a role that I similarly should not divulge. Of these six, Joi and Ana Stelline are the most sympathetic characters, but regardless of how these women’s actions are meant to be interpreted, the designs of these ladies are problematic.

Joi is an immediately likeable character, but since she is a product (and one who does not initially have a corporeal form), she does not have autonomy. With the push of a button, K can turn her off any time he wants, which I’m sure is an option a lot of dudes wish they had available for their girlfriends. Joi exists only to serve K, telling him how wonderful he is when he gets home from a long work day and providing whatever eye candy he desires (she can shapeshift to alter her clothing, hair and makeup). Should I ignore the fact that Joi has zero character development and applaud Blade Runner 2049 anyway for highlighting the ickiness of a future society where Joi-models are prevalent (thus eliminating the need for actual human women)? Maybe, but the film doesn’t bother to make a statement about this element of social interaction, other than the fact that it exists.

K is finally able to experience physical contact with Joi when she “syncs” with Mariette, a prostitute, to combine their bodies for a sexual encounter with K, resulting in my favorite shot in the film: an unsettling image of Joi and Mariette’s four blurry hands wrapping around the back of K’s head and caressing his hair. While this interlude incorporates an interesting degree of romantic intrigue - to what extent do K, Joi and Mariette understand what love is? - there is something a little too weird in the film’s dependence on the Madonna and Whore tropes, suggesting an either/or dichotomy where the only time a woman can possess both attributes is when she finds another person (technically a Replicant) who can temporarily provide the missing skills.

Luv is probably the best-developed female character, although since she is Niander Wallace’s servant, it is impossible to say where her allegiance to him ends and her own taste for violent retribution begins. Luv seems to genuinely savor hurting people, but I suppose that attitude was programmed into her by Wallace, which somewhat minimizes the cool factor in her badass fight scenes. It’s kind of odd, though, that she manages to outshine the film’s other resident tough gal, Lt. Joshi (I didn’t think anyone could outdo Robin Wright in this department, especially after Wonder Woman). Villeneuve and his writers couldn’t settle on how best to represent Joshi, so the character fluctuates between a generically butch stereotype and a leering boss who drinks too much and flirts with K. Again, not that women have to be only one thing, but I like consistency in characters rather than mixed messages. I wonder how much of Blade Runner 2049′s muddled and archaic depictions of women are thanks to Hampton Fancher, who also co-wrote the original Blade Runner’s screenplay, which was full of troublesome approaches to womanhood, sexuality and sexual consent.

In the end, the difference between Blade Runner and Blade Runner 2049 is like the distinction between a human being and a Replicant. 2049 tries to live up to the originality of that which inspired it, but it lacks the soul of its predecessor. It really says something that the most heartfelt moments in Blade Runner 2049 are two references to Ridley Scott’s film: a pivotal scene in Wallace’s lair that conjures up the memory of Rachael (Sean Young) from the film, and a moment in the penultimate scene that reuses a key piece of music from Vangelis’s original Blade Runner score. I recognize that many viewers see Blade Runner 2049 as a masterpiece, and I have tried many times in the past week to understand why, but I’m hard-pressed to comprehend why I should have spent close to three hours sitting through such an unsatisfying project, other than being able to say I bravely weathered this particular storm.

P.S. (because I couldn’t figure out where else to write this): I don’t know how many viewers will know where I’m coming from, but for the cult classic freaks out there, let me propose this theory: Blade Runner 2049 is trying to be like Paul Morrissey’s notoriously wild horror-satire Flesh for Frankenstein (1973). Check it out: a really bizarre and wealthy man (Udo Kier/Jared Leto) and his devoted assistant (Arno Juerging/Sylvia Hoeks) endeavor to construct a set of superhumans (FfF) or humanoid robots (B42049), entities that will give birth to a new generation of superbeings that will take the place of their inferior progenitors and obediently do their master’s (Kier/Leto) bidding. In fact, there are two specific scenes that reminded me of Flesh for Frankenstein while watching Blade Runner 2049: when Niander Wallace kills the naked, infertile Replicant woman (ugh, what a terrible scene), it mirrors a moment in Flesh when Arno Juerging, the loyal assistant, tries to commence sex with Baron Frankenstein’s female zombie-monster by punching her in the stomach and fatally damaging her internal organs, resulting in a grotesque display of violence similar to what we see in Blade Runner 2049.

Secondly, when Luv battles K at the sea wall and she kisses him, she is mimicking an action that Niander Wallace carried out when he killed the Replicant woman; this is also reminiscent of Flesh for Frankenstein since the Arno Juerging character often does horrible, perverse things - like conflating his lust for the female zombie with a disturbingly compulsion for violence - because he is following his master’s patterns. Take all that analysis for what it’s worth, Blade Runner fans!

P.P.S. I am also convinced that Blade Runner 2049′s Las Vegas wasteland scene was either an homage to or a ripoff of Nastassja Kinski’s desert dream sequence from another of 1982′s finest cult offerings, Cat People. Even in the slightly faded YouTube upload of the clip, the orangeness cannot be overlooked.

[missjackil]

My 13.01 Opinion

Lost and Found I can’t tell you how happy I am that the boys are back, hiatus is over. and I can do this again!! Let’s get started shall we? From the jump, my emotions were high. We enter a brand new season to the tune of Nothing Else Matters by Metalica. Every season before now has used an upbeat song to open with, but this song is deep and emotional. The lyrics are SO fitting to Sam and Dean and where they are now. I will include the lyrics at the end of this, but I was particularly moved by the line

 “Trust I seek and I find in you. Every day for us, something new. Open mind for a different view, and nothing else matters” You can tell right away this season is going to be a hard one for our boys. Not that it hasn’t been before, but this one is going to emphasize that Sam and Dean can make it through anything, if they have each other. Nothing else matters but them in their world, and this show.  We start off immediately after where we left off at the end of S12. Sam being the first to meet Jack, and Dean looking at Cas’s body. Jack’s first word is to Sam and it’s “Father” of course Sam tells him he isnt his father, but this is going to be important in regards to Sam and Jack’s relationship. Sam is the first person he saw, the first to show him kindness, and the first to defend his life. Jack wont forget later when shit inevitably hits the fan.  Dean leaves Cas’s body to find Sam and he too meets Jack, but both he and Jack are startled at the sight of each other, Dean’s instinct is to shoot, and Jack’s is to scream and do this AWESOME thing that suspends Sam and Dean in mid air, and the effect where they move their heads in slow motion to look at each other was AWESOME!! I was really impressed with this and said WOOOAAAHHH!! out loud! 

Sam and Dean are knocked unconscious and Jack takes off.  Just before waking however, Dean has a dream or vision about their mother burning. Standing in front of them, like they were in 12.23 and catching fire, and then burning on the ceiling like in 1.1. This wasnt elaborated on, so it will probably come up later. We move on to Sam and Dean driving, looking for Jack. Dean is wrecked, talking about who they’ve lost (Cas, Mom and Crowley) and Sam, I cant say he was really in denial, or optimistic, but rightfully in disbelief, given their history, Sam was more like “Are they really gone?” Jack is walking down the road, completely naked, He arrives at a burger shack and talks into the drive through speaker, still looking for his father. This is really where the show establishes his innocence. I like Jack, a lot! They found us a very good actor to play a very interesting character, and I couldnt be happier with him!  Moving forward, we have 2 angels that appear over Cas’s body and they have a short exchange that shockingly mirrored the opinions of the fandom over the summer. The one Angel says “Castiel deserved better” and the other Angel responded “No, he actually didnt”. I was like “Wow, have they read Tumblr?” This has been argued all summer between members of the Fandom. Now i dont really want to go scene by scene with this, so Ill skip over all the angel fighting and people being flung around and go right to Dean praying  He’s lost, he’s crushed, and hes hopeless. He’s pissed and tells God that he and Sam need help, they’re not good, and they want everyone back that theyve lost, Cas, Mom and Crowley (which I thought very odd he didnt mention Rowena, but maybe there was a point). Dean is an emotional person to start with, but Jensen portrayed him more broken than we’ve seen yet. I personally don’t think it stems solely on these most recent losses, but the huge pile of pain hes suffered in the last 12 years has beat him down and he’s tired.  Sam is also spun out. We know he’s going to be the more optimistic one, but Jared successfully portrayed in his face  that he is just as crushed as Dean, but he’s allowing himself the distraction of Jack. We know Sam, the king of sublimation, cover it up with something else, and dont deal. The funeral pyre scene was heart wrenching. Sam’s lines made me ugly snot cry “We say thank you, we say Im sorry, we hope they’re somewhere better, and we say goodbye” (paraphrased)  Ive seen some some folks a little annoyed with this scene, that it was too much since we know Cas will be back, but we werent supposed to know Cas would be back, that ball kinda got dropped by Jared early on when he made an honest mistake when talking about the Scooby episode. And also, this wasnt just about their most recent losses.it was about everything, where they are now, who they have become, and what theyve been through. As they watched the black smoke of the pyre rise up, I know they were grieving everyone.  I was deeply moved by this episode, and I thought it was fantastic! The best season opener yet by far! Jack is awesome, I cant wait to get to know him better. He is going to bring us some great TV.  On a scale from Bloodlines to Who We Are (Yes, Who We Are tops my list now) I am going to give Lost and Found a 9. My only complaint really is the lack of broments. There was plenty of banter, and it wasnt like the brothers were sidelined, its just we havent gotten to the support part yet. Im sure it’s coming, the “we can get through this” and even the arguing about Jack. I think the boys were just acting in the immediate situation and didnt have time to digest whats happened. Im sure its coming though.  Predictions: We know Cas will be back in ep 6. Misha confirmed on twitter that Cas will come back in full power, with all his memories, so he wont be human Cas or Amnesia Cas, he will be more like season 4 Cas. That being said, I dont think Cas is going to be as warm to the Winchesters as he has been. I believe that in full Angel mode, he going to want to kill Jack, like the other Angels wanted to. Maybe not right away, we may get a few episodes where it seems Team Free Will is alive and kicking with a welcomed new member, but down the road, Cas is going to turn on Jack and the boys when his Angelic instincts kick in. I dont know if we will know right away and it just be the boys that are in the dark, and Cas playing them to regain their trust before he tries to take Jack by saying he promised Kelly, or if it will be a kind of “great reveal” like we had other times when Cas was deceiving them, But I certainly dont think the brothers’s relationship with Cas is going to be rainbows and butterflies for long. I also think there is a strong possibility that Cas will want to kill Sam too, being an “abomination” himself. So my thougth is, dont let yourself think that this is going to be one big happy hunter family, because its not going to be. I also think when Lucifer comes back, and he will, he will get to Jack and influence him badly. Jack will turn on the boys also, but not permenantly, it will come back to him that Sam and Dean did take care of him and showed him love, Sam particularly.  I feel like this season is going to press the issue that when everything and everyone else crumbles and falls at their feet, that Sam and Dean have each other. And nothing else matters.

So close no matter how far Couldn't be much more from the heart Forever trusting who we are And nothing else matters Never opened myself this way Life is ours, we live it our way All these words I don't just say And nothing else matters Trust I seek and I find in you Every day for us something new Open mind for a different view And nothing else matters Never cared for what they do Never cared for what they know But I know

[adrenalisiert-blog]

Tips On How To Buy Men s Jewelry

I’ve written earlier than on how a person ought to put on cuff-links, watches, rings & equipment – however what about shopping for it within the first place?

The truth is that the majority of us aren’t that snug in jewellery shops.

Between the excessive worth tags and the technical commerce language it’s straightforward to really feel out of your depth, whether or not you’re shopping for for your self or a cherished one. Go Visit Site to buy some biutiful jewelry.

Take our four fast ideas and make your subsequent journey to the jewellery retailer a painless one:

1. Know What You Need Earlier than Going

Don’t ever stroll into a jewellery retailer and say you’re “on the lookout for one thing good for myself/my spouse/a good friend.” That’s a good way to get ushered instantly to the most costly objects, and even when the salesperson tries to be genuinely useful you’re nonetheless counting on another person’s style, which can or could not match the style and wardrobe of the individual you’re shopping for from.

As an alternative, stroll in with a transparent thought of the essential traits you need, even for those who don’t have a set of technical phrases in thoughts.

RMRS Jewellery e book

Here's a listing of jewellery descriptors you must decide earlier than buying:

Jewellery Shade

– Would you like plain gold or silver-colored jewellery, or are you on the lookout for one thing with a coloured stone? In that case, what shade? That is your simplest triage, because it robotically eliminates an enormous chunk of wrong-colored choices.

Particular Steel

– Not all silvertone jewellery is silver, neither is all goldtone jewellery gold. Should you’re set on a particular steel reasonably than a basic shade, say so. It helps get rid of numerous choices. .

Jewellery Proportions

– Don’t be afraid to make use of unscientific phrases right here. In order for you a slender chain, say so. In order for you a giant, chunky ring, say that. Give good, descriptive phrases reasonably than worrying about technicalities. It’s your job to inform the jeweler “I desire a good set of cufflinks that aren’t too ostentatious”, it’s his job to know what pairs would match that description.

Worth

– It's possible you'll not wish to point out this upfront, however have a restrict in your head and follow it. Should you’re supplied one thing above it simply say “sorry, that’s greater than I used to be seeking to spend” and provide a decrease determine. Some jewelers will likely be prepared to haggle over a particular piece’s worth, whereas others will direct you to comparable however less-expensive choices.

Imagine me on this one — you'll discover a giant distinction in going to the jewelers and saying “I’m on the lookout for a moderately-priced gold-colored watch with a slender band and a plain, trendy going through” versus getting in and saying “I want a pleasant look ahead to work.”

2. Speak To A Jeweler You Belief

Most jewellery purchases aren’t made on the spot. You are able to do it that method, however it’s higher to speak a particular piece over with a good friend.

If that good friend is somebody who is aware of the ins and outs of the jewellery trade, a lot the higher.

Should you aren’t fortunate sufficient to have a great good friend who’s additionally an expert jeweler, ask across the household.

It's possible you'll be shocked who your kinfolk know — some older males have been coping with the identical household jeweler for many years, and will simply cross on a query or two for you.

If you’re asking for an expert’s second opinion, deal with the issues they've experience in: technical questions, particulars of high quality and weight, origins of stones, and so forth. You’re making an attempt to fill within the gaps in your personal information, not simply get an opinion in your style.

In fact, you could find yourself wanting to easily buy from a jeweler you or a member of the family is aware of and trusts, and there’s nothing flawed with that. Simply remember that the most effective second opinions will all the time come from folks with no vested curiosity within the sale.

3. Know Sufficient To Ask The Proper Questions

Whether or not you’re coping with a pleasant third celebration or with the person/girl who’s going to make the ultimate sale, you could know what inquiries to ask.

That is the place most males get annoyed or intimidated.

Our recommendation — don’t attempt to grasp it , and don’t attempt to faux you recognize greater than the jeweler — you don’t.

Simply go in with a strong grasp on probably the most fundamental qualities of treasured metals and treasured gems:

Gold & Treasured Metals

Hallmark – That is the producer’s stamp on a treasured steel like gold. It ought to signify both the karat weight (see beneath) or the purity as a proportion. Percentages are given as three-digit decimals, such stamp of “.750” would point out 75% pure gold. Karat Weight – A conventional measurement of gold’s purity relationship again to earlier than very particular measurements have been obtainable. Mainly, it's a 1-24 scale with 24 karats theoretically implying pure gold. In follow, something larger than .999 pure is rated as 24Okay. Diamonds & Treasured Gems 

Not all of those apply in fairly the identical option to different treasured stones, however they’re helpful phrases to know:

1. Carat – When it’s spelled with a C as a substitute of a Okay, you’re now not speaking about treasured steel. As an alternative, a carat is a measurement of mass for treasured stones, equal to zero.2 grams.

Folks principally equate this with measurement, however that’s not essentially correct. A very good jeweler can minimize a diamond (or different stone) to look larger than a poorly-cut stone of heavier carat weight may.

It’s vital to know that heavier stones are more and more rarer, and the worth jumps exponentially reasonably than immediately. A Three-carat stone will price way over double what a 1.5-carat stone may.

Equally, you will get a great worth on stones that got here in slightly below a carat weight: a .9-carat diamond will price considerably lower than a 1-carat.

2. Lower – That is the measure of high quality, not the form of the stone. Within the U.S. treasured stone cuts are rated as: Excellent, Very Good, Good, Truthful, or Poor. This scale was solely launched in 2006, and never all diamonds or different treasured stones can have a said ranking. Because it’s troublesome for an untrained eye to guage, search for a stone with a longtime ranking or have an expert have a look for you.

3. Shade – Diamonds, particularly, are rated on a scale from Z to D, with D being a wonderfully clear and colorless diamond. Something J and up is taken into account high-quality, and accordingly costly.

Shade issues extra for those who’re shopping for a giant stone — it’s not value spending a number of cash for a wonderfully colorless diamond if it’s too small for coloring to be noticeable.

Some cuts will assist make a coloured or “clouded” diamond look clearer — this can be a good query for the jeweler (or an skilled good friend).

4. Readability – Diamonds and different stones normally include imperfections. There are rankings based mostly on how they appear to the bare eye and underneath magnification, however you run into an issue right here — relying on the place within the stone the imperfections (known as “inclusions”) are, they could make the gem look roughly flawed.

It’s doable to have two stones of the identical minimize and the identical readability ranking that look fairly totally different to the bare eye. That is one purpose to solely buy jewels in individual, by no means on-line based mostly on the written grading.

Not all jewelers are created equal. Some have bigger choices, some have higher costs; some have extra useful and educated workers.

Should you’re very fortunate you’ll discover one which’s good in any respect these issues, however it may be robust.

Know your choices:

1. Huge Chains – The “shopping center” jewelers. It's possible you'll know among the names from radio advertisements — Jared’s, Goodman’s, and so forth. These deal with the commonest kinds of jewellery — wedding ceremony and engagement rings, earrings for girls, watches, and chains.

They have a tendency to have good return insurance policies and different customer support options. The workers will not be as educated as an impartial jeweler, and in some circumstances remember that you simply’ll be coping with a gross sales clerk reasonably than an expert jeweler at first.

These are nice locations to search for fundamental jewellery wants, simply make certain you’re getting an skilled opinion on the standard, and don’t look forward to finding something too out of the strange.

2. Household Or Unbiased Jewelers – One thing of a dying breed, most main cities nonetheless have a jewelers’ neighborhood. Look forward to finding a smaller choice with a extra eclectic choice of kinds than you'd at a giant chain retailer.

These could be nice locations to seek out uncommon, eye-catching items, and the jeweler will normally have ample information and experience. Then again, returns and exchanges could also be tougher, and there received’t be a hard and fast catalog to select from — you’re on the mercy of the jeweler’s choice.

3. Vintage & Pawn Outlets – Any second-hand jewellery affords two massive alternatives: the possibility to attain a very uncommon piece, and the possibility to get majorly ripped off. Train warning!

Should you’re not a jeweler, you’re not likely certified to guage a bit based mostly on its look and no matter documentation it would or won't include. Don’t shell out severe cash and not using a jeweler’s opinion or a very good return coverage.

Or for those who’re simply seeking to purchase one thing to improve your “bling sport”, contemplate these awesome-looking males’s jewellery — click on right here.

Conclusion: Jewellery Shopping for For Mans

The above four factors emphasize information. That’s since you’ll be extra snug shopping for jewellery when you've got just a little information getting in.

You don’t have to be an skilled (although it helps to know one), however you do have to know, roughly, what you need. It’s the one certain option to keep away from shopping for what a salesman needs you to have as a substitute.

[wingsoverbros]

"All along the Watchtower - are disappointed watchers" or "My thoughts on SPN 12.23"

As the finale night was a double episode, I split up the reviews to handle one at a time. This time, it's the last one. The link to the first episode is in the list of links below, but I'll put it here as well. On to our second episode of the evening, and our last episode of season 12.

Sorry this comes so late after the episode aired, but the episode was distressful enough to require some time and contemplation (and one decent spoiler with same-con confirmation) to digest. The end result otherwise would have been unreadable  (essentially, a massive rant on the writers and fridging.) You'll see some of what's left of the rant below, with the rest of the rewritten and much more comprehensible (and significantly less overwrought) article. Please enjoy.

For previous episodes: 12.01 - 12.02 - 12.03 - 12.04 - 12.05 - 12.06 - 12.07 - 12.08 - 12.09 - 12.10 - 12.11 - 12.12 - 12.13 - 12.14 - 12.15 - 12.16 - 12.17 - 12.18 - 12.19 - 12.20 - 12.21 - 12.22

Now, on to Supernatural 12.23 - "All along the watchtower"

In the early years, the titles of the episodes actually predicted the plot of the attached episodes, a fact that boosted many a discussion on the forum boards. Eventually, they (generally) stopped matching the episodes they were attached to, so people stopped paying attention to them. So when the episode title for this episode was released, I paid it no mind. Who would have expected the episode to actually be inspired by the title?

"All along the Watchtower" is a Bob Dylan song that goes into circular loop. It draws the listen back to the beginning of the story. In the episode, things go horribly wrong, leaving Sam and Dean facing an unknown potential enemy alone, family either lost to extreme danger in an alternative universe or left as a charcoal smudge in the mud. The questions we need to ask are "Which beginning did we return to - Season 4 or season 7?" and "What happens to the lost characters? Who are we getting back, and how?"

Supernatural over the years has gotten a terrible reputation for fridging all the hero female characters in the show. Starting off killing Mary and Jess in the pilot was a terrible way to start the series, but could be seen as necessary. The same could not be said with all the other women that have followed them. Dean had a guest character named Layla to feel bad about in season 1, but at least they didn't show her die. Madison, a memorable Monster-of-the-week, dies to further Sam's angst in season 2. Bela was killed in season 3 simply because the writers had no idea how to write her. Then the writers started getting really obnoxious.  Ellen and Jo died in season 5, simply to ratchet up the stress levels for the guys. And whenever the guys need a good haranguing, the writers pull out one of them for one of the guys (usually Dean) to angst over.

Sadly, although the depth and quality of the female characters have slowly improved over the years, the ways and timing of their deaths has gotten worse. One of the best characters invented in the show's run, one of the few good parts of dire mess that was season 7, ended up getting slaughtered in a particularly insensitive way solely to further Dean's conflict with Sam. (Who the hell thought it was a good idea for a lesbian to get slaughtered in a bathtub by a Nazi associate?) The delightful Witch twin, Alicia Banes, and her mother both get killed to give the male twin (Max) and Dean each a chance to navel gaze and make poor decisions. Eileen, a kick-ass deaf hunter, gets killed by an invisible dog controlled by a refugee from a 1950s secret society in the first 5 minutes without a single line, a rather disrespectful moment that actually reminded me of the horrible opening of “Hello, Cruel World” in season 7.

And now, in the last episode, they continued the mistreatment of characters with how they treated Rowena. I expected her to die, yes. I was disappointed, but I expected it. But what they did? Lucifer is evil, certainly, but the excessive violence in that seemed pointlessly cruel. At least they didn't show the active violence on screen, that'd have been worse. The whole idea just threw me right out of the episode, making me flash back to my one attempt to watch "Pan's Labyrinth", where the scene of the fascist stepfather doing to the peasant what Luci says he did to Rowena in this caused me to abandon the idea of watching altogether.

I'm so tired of watching everyone drown in blood and fire. It all just seems so freaking unnecessary. I was expecting Kelly to die, considering how they beat it into our heads all season, but I'm not looking forward to them likely using it to give Jack something to angst over next year. And what was the purpose of causing Mary to get sucked into the other dimension? They turned Mary into a massive Macguffin for the guys to aim at recovering, *if* they can do so. Considering what they did to the rest of the cast, it was unnecessary. With her loss, Crowley's suicide, and Cas's murder, there was just too many shocking experiences for any one event to have a good impact. If any of those had been removed from the list, the ending would have just as shocking, but far easier to digest without resulting in anger and rebellion from the audience. (Personally, I'd have gone with Mary in the Alt Universe and Crowley dead, and leave Cas alive. Hell, even if Cas was in the Alt Universe with Mary, it'd have been better.) The finale just seemed excessive.

At the time of the episode airing, the episode had once again reverted to the "really depends" status it was at the end of season 3. It really depended on what they do about fixing Cas. Despite the fact that the current set of show-runners hadn't (yet) lied to us and that Cas would likely be back next season, considering Misha is still signed for the series, I was concerned. I was worried that they'd pull another Midnight PR release about his role being "reduced" like after 6.22. Thankfully, that didn't happen, and Jared's accidental spoiler at JIB 2017 relieved my nerves about Misha's continued involvement in the show. Hopefully, they're aiming for some sort of surprise that's closer to season 4 then the horrible idea that was season 7. (More Cas, good writing, and a memorable set of characters and plot... not a loss of support and an endless supply of bad dick jokes.)

It didn't help that Castiel was written as rather severely off-center in this episode. I spent a large amount of time convinced that Cas had been replaced by a illusion-clouded Lucifer or Alternative Universe Cas because of that, but his character would subsequently swing back to normal each time, pointing to at least most of it being nothing but bad characterization on the writers part.

"All along the Watchtower" has one character reassure another that they've been through this before, and "this is not our fate". It also seems to leave out parts of the story, telling us the beginning and the end, but not the middle. You never find out what the events are that they are watching for, what the two in the song are discussing, just that people are watching and preparing and that the two central characters realize they'll get through it. So does that mean that although things look similar to before, a few things will change, go in a better direction? If So, what and for whom? Who is coming with? (Better have Cas in the group going forward.) And what haven't we been told that will effect how we see the episode once we know it? (And which character is the joker and which one is the thief?)

Or is the title and the "alone again" circular nature of the ending the only thing they borrowed from the song? Only time will tell.

Now, this is clearly not the end of the story. There's too many questions, and its finale status means I can't tell if it's well-written or not. If it hadn't have been the finale, it wouldn't have been, with all the unanswered questions and the characters acting a bit off. This is a shame, frankly, because the season started out well. The first episodes of the season had promise, and a number of the episodes (both arc and filler) were quite well-done. Sadly, the quality degraded sharply over the season, especially in the last few episodes of the season.

Among the many questions:

What did Cas say to Kelly that last time? Did it have anything to do with why he suddenly acted in a frankly somewhat brainless manner at the end of the episode, or was that just terrible writing?

Why did he go in and stab Luci when he *knows* his blade won't do anything? Cas is brilliant, so he's much too smart to do something that useless unless there was a purpose to it. He's fought Archangels before, and if he knows his blade would do jack against Michael or Raphael, why think it'll do anything but annoy Lucifer?

Lucifer is a bit one-note for the second half of this season, don't you think? Every time he's upstairs, it's "let's start the Apocalypse!" Raphael and Micheal were the same way. The Archs are rather dull and plodding sorts, with the exception of Gabriel. Can we trade Luci for Gabe?

Why did Cas come through the portal but not move out of the way? He had to realize that Luci was still there and had the potential of coming through after him.

It struck me that Cas and Mary are the only two characters that dealt with the pregnant Kelly in this episode. Does Jack remember them? (It's documented that babies recognize voices they've heard in the womb) Will he bring back Cas and help save Mary as a result of remembering they wanted to help him? And considering he would have heard the Winchesters trying to figure out how to de-power him, how much will they have to bargain to get him to act?

Jack being an adult at birth does work with the adult Jane in “Clip Show“ in season 8, but still directly contradicts the “The kid is a Nephilim” bit in “Lily Sunder has some Regrets”, one of the better episodes in this very season. The issue makes Cas and the other angels look like morons this season. Do *none* of the writers in this show ever talk to each other?

I was actually sad to see that the dusty world we saw in the promos was not, in fact, the Empty. Why spend so much of the last few years yelling about that if you're never gonna pay out on it? Instead, the dusty world was an alternative dimension where the guys never existed, a fact that made very little sense. If the guys were so important that no one else could be the true vessels in season 5, then how did it start in the alternative universe? Did John have some sort of distant cousin with kids who didn't have the same level of character? And why was the alternative world essentially a clone of the tv show "Dominion", styled to look like the battlefield sequence from the Prophecy movie series - A world of dust, sand, writhing beings on spikes and where Angels and Demons are not only exaggerated but enemies of what is left of humanity. (That comment about Baby Ear necklaces on the Angels was horrifying.)

Speaking of which, I was actually interested in the fact that demons in the alternative world had black eyes, piranha teeth and horns. If that happened to the demons, what do the angels look like? Do they have sometimes-visible wings and auras? It had to be noticeable, if Bobby could tell the difference between one of them and Cas. And can one of them bring Cas back? (Or can Chuck or Amara come back and do it? They do still owe the guys a few favors, in my opinion.)

From the statements in the episode and what we saw with the alternative version of Bobby, clearly people exist in both universes independent of each other. Since Mary and Bobby existed independently, and Azazel existed there (killing Mary over there at about the same time as our Azazel killed John), would Cas? What would he look like? Could that one that was stabbed be him rather then ours? What about Gabriel?

A few Observations:

The way Crowley died, martyring himself like Meg, actually made me rather sad. Going out like that redeemed the character, but it really pointed to the corroding nature of the Winchesters. Everyone they touch ends up going out with a whimper, often throwing themselves into the gears of the machine to try to buy the guys a few moments, which usually goes squandered. Why more characters don't just run when they see them coming, I'll never know.

The Winchesters actually failed utterly in this episode. They've lost both Cas and Mary, they failed to fix Jack or Kelly beforehand, and now are faced with an uncontrollable and unknown power who could be either the most powerful ally they've ever had or the worst enemy they have ever faced with no direction and no immediate allies on hand. And they've lost their only family (Mary and Cas). They've lost, despite besting Lucifer.

The current story-line possibilities are giving me bad flashbacks of the Jasmine story-line on Angel (I hated that story-line). I'm really hoping that they have a better idea then that.

They never resolved the death of Billie the Reaper and the "Cosmic consequences" it would supposedly bring on Cas. Could that be how he comes back? Or did the writers just plain forget? (Wouldn't surprise me, to be honest.)

In a previous review, I remarked that I didn't want to see Cas attached to any fire-covered ceilings or water-covered floors. So, of course, they killed him standing up in front of a door. Not cool, Supernatural.

I must admit to being tickled that when faced with a Doorway to another dimension, Dean's immediate response was "like Narnia?" That would be a reference he'd be familiar with, considering all his time hiding in that wardrobe.

Cas rented a house using the id "James Novak". Again, I'm mystified by the fact he can do that, considering Jimmy's disappearance, and the visual ties to the massacre in season 7 and Claire's disappearance in season 10. The police work in this show is either amazingly lax, or else the cops in this series (the male ones, anywho. Sheriffs Mills and Hanscum are awesome.) are morons.

Cas says that Jack showed him "a world without war, hunger, pain..." This sounds all well and good, until you remember that there are other ways to achieve that beyond creating a Utopia. After all, until people figured out the code and unhooked themselves and others, the Matrix would have been really peaceful as well.

Back in season 7, I discovered that the only way to deal with the stress of the crap the writers threw our way was by diverting myself into fan videos and fan fiction. This episode did a number on my nerves, especially towards the end, so immediately after it ended, I watched a cas fan vid to try to cheer myself up. I'd forgotten that the video opened with the scene of Casifer threatening Crowley in Rowena's presence in 11.10. The sight of all three on the screen actually made it worse. I ended up speed reading 3 fluffy AU Destiel fics to try to feel better. (Personal tip: Don't watch any fan video using "Dust in the Wind" as its song after watching this episode. You'll drown in the angst.)

In the end, the finale episode of season 12 left me generally unsatisfied, bothered by severe character mistreatment and far too many unanswered questions to truly enjoy it. Whither or not it's improved by time and the start of season 13 depends on many variables, and that uncertainty makes me uneasy. I hope, however, that 13.01 at least rights some of the wrongs of this episode and season, although some of it will only be solved by hard work and an improvement in general writing and leadership skills by the folks that create the series.

I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

-

Well, this has been the finale episode review of season 12. I still have a general season overlook and writer scorecard post I'm working on, and I'll put that up as soon as I can. It may be one big piece, or perhaps in chunks. It depends on the size.

Keep an eye out. :)