#it's nearly 2022 and im still Like This.

[chateautae]

hi <3

my lovelies are you still here? i'm thinking of dropping something 🥺

[pawbeanies]

sorry im going down my files on my laptop (old) and really. really loving past Tumblr User Pawbeanies for his very clear and concise filenames. really good job here

[teruthecreator]

2022 was lowkey kinda awful! not gonna lie. i had some good things happen, obviously, but there were also some very very very VERY bad things that happened that can’t really be ignored. i think at the start of a new year it’s completely normal to feel kind of bummed out or disappointed that the year prior didn’t turn out the way you expected. that maybe you didn’t check off all of your new years resolutions, or that those big goals you thought you’d reach are still far away. it’s perfectly natural to feel...kinda shitty! i think, especially with the rise of social media, that envy and jealousy over people having better years than you is extremely common! but it’s important to remember that social media like instagram, twitter, hell even This shithole are all HIGHLY superficial and not everything is as it seems. 

so if you’re feeling less than jolly at the crest of 2023, do not fret! you’re not weird or a bummer or needlessly pessimistic. it’s okay to feel kinda let down by 2022. BUUUUUT that shouldn’t stop you from hoping for a better year to follow! because things CAN and WILL always get better! and maybe the next year you’ll be able to look back a bit more fondly <3 

[tsukiida]

i just scrolled through my blog and i realised i have only two modes: weird pseudo-philosophical rambling. and absolutely unhinged yelling. AND I TELL YOUUUU IT'S SO FUNNYYYYYYY because i spent so long trying to curate my voice and sound like a normal, fun, easy to approach person back when i first made this blog!

then again it's been 3.5 years so i guess my voice changed naturally 🤨 i'm not smart enough for this 😮‍💨

[lusalemaart]

[miloformula123fan]

okay like 2 months ago, I put out this moodboard, and @evans-dejong replied to it, and im gonna be honest that kind of inspired this whole fic

so

carlos sainz x male!royal!reader

Please keep requesting - y'all have awesome ideas we agree on a lot of stuff :) - my guidelines are here, and if you want some prompts, they are here.

also feel free to come in and start chatting to me in my asks, would love to get to know y'all better

and if you want to be added to my taglist lmk :)

carlos sainz x royal!reader

2022 Spanish Grand Prix

“AND George Russell has locked up at the final chicane and Carlos Sainz sails on through BRINGING HIM ONTO THE PODIUM OF HIS HOME RACE ON THE LAST LAP OF THE SPANISH GRAND PRIX. AND WHAT A RACE THAT WAS. Max Verstappen crossed the finish line first, followed by his teammate Sergio Perez, and rounding out the podium we have Carlos Sainz for ferrari.”

It had been a hard race, Carlos spinning in the first 8 laps. But he’d done a very good recovery drive, getting up to the podium.

Y/N couldn’t help but clap his hands as he saw a ferrari and a spanish driver on the podium from the back of the Ferrari garage. He saw himself on the screens, and flashed a winning smile. His mum looked at him with exasperated fondness as he hopped around waiting for the drivers to get on the podium, so she could hand the trophies over. He’d been looking forward to it all weekend, the previous highlight being handing off the pole position award to the other ferrari driver.

“And now to present the trophies to the drivers on the podium, we have Crown Prince Y/N, representing the Spanish Royal Family.”

Y/N could almost feel his hands shaking as he picked up the 3rd place trophy and prepared to hand it over. He ran himself through what he was supposed to do

‘Pick up the trophy, display it to the cameras, don’t drop it, first to the person closest, they’re 3rd place, hopefully you’ve picked up the correct trophy Y/N, then as you’re handing it over, shake their hand, congratulate the spaniard, pose for a photo handing over the trophy, and then walk back. Repeat for 2nd place, they’re the one furthest away, not a Spaniard, repeat for team, it’s the mechanic who looks hella awkward on the really small podium, and finally do it for 1st. Then get out of the way before they start spraying champagne.’

And it almost entirely went to plan. He had nearly kissed the Spanish driver on the podium, because damn he was hot. But otherwise it had gone to plan. 

Well, until, while trying to get out of the way and completing his task, he had gotten sprayed on the back of his new shirt. Damn.

He heard the cheers and yelling stop as everyone realised that he had been hit. Y/N snickered in his head at the thought that people were scared of him, worried that because he’d been hit by some champagne, that everyone would be executed. Instead he laughed it off, grabbed Carlos’ bottle and took a chug before wandering off the podium, laughing at the ruined shirt. His mother chastised him and fussed over him as he walked away laughing.

The Spanish ferrari driver was hot, sue him.

---

2022 Silverstone

“AND IN HIS 150TH RACE, CARLOS SAINZ WINS THE BRITISH GRAND PRIX. HIS FIRST VICTORY IN F1”

Y/N could hear the cheers, the announcement was a little blurred as he hugged Carlos O, Carlos’ cousin and manager, after waving the spanish flag through a gap in the fence, yelling and cheering over the noise of the engines. There wasn’t a lot of celebration in the garage, as Charles, who was contending for the championship, had had a horrible race, but who cared? Carlos had won, at least Red Bull hadn’t won, they were still contending for the championship.

“And what a day for Ferrari, but they won with the wrong car!” Ted shouted into his microphone as the celebrations kicked on.

“I’m sorry?”

“Uhh, sorry to everyone at home we now have Crown Prince Y/N from the Spanish Royal Family. Now Your Royal Highness, what did you say?”

“Well first, my title is Prince of Asturias. Not this ‘Your Royal Highness’ bullshit that you’re trying to lower my status to…”

“Sorry, language for the kids at home.”

“Oh, says you, Ted Kravitz. Hi Kids, my name is Crown Prince Y/N, or the Prince of Asturias, and I’m going to give you a… what’s the word…unbiased view of the grand prix today. Charles and Max were struggling today. Then there was a safety car, and Carlos was given a better strategy. Now, keep in mind kids, this was because Charles was not having a great day. Then Carlos was once again screwed over by Ferrari strategists, however for once in his life he stood up for himself, and made himself a good strategy and won himself the race. His first race win, after 150 race starts. There is no wrong driver to win with for Ferrari, and Carlos deserved that win as much as Charles did. Thanks Tommy.”

“It’s Ted…”

Y/N waited in Carlos’ driver room for him to arrive back from the media. Carlos meanwhile had been told by his cousin that Y/N was waiting for him, and tried to pass off his impatience as excitement over the win. He had barely seen Y/N since the win, being celebrated with his team, but he had spotted him on Carlos O and Carlos Sr. shoulders, cheering with the other Ferrari engineers, and butchering his own national anthem, which was always fun to watch. But he hadn’t seen him properly, been able to hold him and scream and kiss him.

And he couldn’t wait for that.

Finally, after what felt like forever, he reached the door of his driver room. He could sense Y/N behind that door, actually he could hear him, chatting to what he assumed were his younger sisters and parents.

He slowly opened the door, pushing it with his hips as his hands held his water bottle and his trophy.

He watched for a second, not wanting to disturb Y/N, especially if he was saying something royal that he wasn’t supposed to hear. 

Y/N was lying on his stomach on the massage bed, his feet hanging off the end as he had propped his phone up against the wall. His feet were kicked up in the air, swinging backwards and forwards, as his head, which he was holding up by his hands, was bopping side to side as he talked to his family.

“Yeah, so just waiting for him to finish his post race debriefs and media and then he’ll be here soon, and I’ll hang up then, I don't want to scare Leonor again. By the way, Leo, how’s Gavi going? Feel like the last I heard was from some media article about how he wanted to focus on football and didn’t want a girlfriend distracting him, but I'm sure you’ve managed to persuade him otherwise…”

While Y/N was teasing his younger sister, he was cut off by  his (quite unmanly) screams as Carlos grabbed him from behind and hugged him to his chest, swinging him back and forth.

Once he had reassured both his family and the bodyguards who had burst into the room with their guns drawn that he was fine and Carlos had just scared him, he hung up the facetime call and snuggled in with Carlos on the small massage table, and admired the trophy.

“It’s pretty…” his hand hovered over all the details “like you mi amor.”

“...huh, most people would describe me as handsome rather than pretty, mi vida”

“Not me, you’re my pretty boy.”

---

Silverstone 2023

“Hello! You must be Lando!” Y/N walked towards the Mclaren boy and gave him a hug.

“You're the crown prince of Spain.”

“Wow, he’s observant eh Chilli?”

“Mate, i mean this in the nicest way possible, how the fuck did you manage to bag the crown prince of spain?”

“I think the real question you should be asking is how I managed to bag the most attractive f1 driver?”

“Have you seen Fernando?”

“Good point. The most attractive Spanish f1… no no, that doesn’t work. Uhhhh, the second most attractive F1 driver.”

“what?”

"nothing darling, good luck for your race Lando and nice to meet you!"

---

Singapore 2023

“AND RUSSELL IS IN THE WALL. GEORGE RUSSELL IS IN THE WALL AND CARLOS SAINZ IS GOING TO TAKE VICTORY FOR THE SECOND TIME IN AMAZING CIRCUMSTANCES. SO FAR THE ONLY NON RED BULL DRIVER TO WIN A RACE THIS YEAR”

“OH MY FUCKING GOD!” Y/N couldn’t help screaming through the ferrari garage as the entire ferrari garage erupted as Carlos crossed the line first. His bodyguards were clearly trying to reach him, but he didn’t care as he gave a massive hug to every mechanic and an even bigger one to Fred as he kept screaming his head off.

“OH MY FUCKING GOD YES! VAMOS YES!”

He was gonna lose it. Carlos had won a race. And this one for so many more reasons felt better than the Silverstone win. No disputes about team orders or who was the better driver.

Carlos had done it all on merit.

Once again he was hoisted up on the Carlos’ shoulders to horribly butcher his own national anthem. He could see his bodyguards trying to push through the throng of mechanics, but the mechanics were pushing back equally as hard. Well if his bodyguards couldn’t get through a crowd of overexcited mechanics, then maybe that was a sign he needed new bodyguards. First one’s who could get through a crowd when necessary, but also ones who understood that he could do what he wanted. He saw the cameras, flicking between the 2 of them singing to each other horribly, but he didn’t care. So what if these photos and videos were all over the tabloids tomorrow. 

Tonight was their night.

And nothing could change that.

nothing.

---

Spain 2024

Y/N walked onto the podium again, remembering how 2 years ago he had walked onto this stage and met the love of his life at that time.

Except this time, he was standing with the spanish flag around his shoulders, on the P1 spot, instead of the P3 spot as he was 2 years ago. His smile was bigger, and the cheers were louder, especially with Fernando Alonso in P2.

As Y/N handed off the P3 trophy to a grumpy Max Verstappen, a P2 trophy to an elated Fernando Alonso, who gave him a massive hug and shake as they jumped up and down. Very different from 2 years ago. 

And after giving a constructors trophy to a confused team member, finally it was Carlos’ turn. Y/N smiled as he handed over the trophy, adoring the goofy grin on his face. He also hugged him, and Y/N only cringed slightly at the sweat that was now on his suit.

It’s okay. He was never expected to wear this suit again.

He barely got out of the spray zone before the champagne spraying had begun. At least as he thought.

He let out a very unroyal scream as he felt the cold champagne trickle down his back, turning around to the silence with Fernando having a cheeky grin on his face (this seems hella clunky). The rest of the paddock and the podium was frozen, as if worried that he was going to order Fernando’s execution. Instead, he held his hand out, as his mother passed him a bottle of champagne that he proceeded to spray straight in Fernando’s face.

And then as the champagne started to drain, Carlos leaned over and kissed Y/N square on the lips. First official show of affection, and as Carlos pulled away and flashed the cheeky grin at Y/N, he thought about how the royal PR people would be scrambling to confirm that yes, Carlos was courting the crown prince of Spain.

But he didn’t care

So he leaned in and kissed him again.

Y/N walked onto the podium again, remembering how 2 years ago he had walked onto this stage and met the love of his life at that time.

Except this time, he was standing with the spanish flag around his shoulders, on the P1 spot, instead of the P3 spot as he was 2 years ago. His smile was bigger, and the cheers were louder, especially with Fernando Alonso in P2.

As Y/N handed off the P3 trophy to a grumpy Max Verstappen, a P2 trophy to an elated Fernando Alonso, who gave him a massive hug and shake as they jumped up and down. Very different from 2 years ago. 

And after giving a constructors trophy to a confused team member, finally it was Carlos’ turn. Y/N smiled as he handed over the trophy, adoring the goofy grin on his face. He also hugged him, and Y/N only cringed slightly at the sweat that was now on his suit.

It’s okay. He was never expected to wear this suit again.

He barely got out of the spray zone before the champagne spraying had begun. At least as he thought.

He let out a very unroyal scream as he felt the cold champagne trickle down his back, turning around to the silence with Fernando having a cheeky grin on his face (this seems hella clunky). The rest of the paddock and the podium was frozen, as if worried that he was going to order Fernando’s execution. Instead, he held his hand out, as his mother passed him a bottle of champagne that he proceeded to spray straight in Fernando’s face.

And then as the champagne started to drain, Carlos leaned over and kissed Y/N square on the lips. First official show of affection, and as Carlos pulled away and flashed the cheeky grin at Y/N, he thought about how the royal PR people would be scrambling to confirm that yes, Carlos was courting the crown prince of Spain.

But he didn’t care

So he leaned in and kissed him again.

---

taglist: @leosxrealm, @tallrock35, @wolf-knights, @janeholt3, @badblondebisexualboy, @ghostking4m

[akunya]

eiiiiii the idea of getting private meeting with camboy vox HELLO. you make me suffer for good stuffs every single day 😭💦 can you spoil me a little bittttt. - 🐱

“private session.”

pairings: camboy!vox akuma x male!reader

summary: congrats, lucky winner! because of your generous donations, vox reached out wanting to thank you in person. things, however, take a turn.

tw: DRUGGING, yandere, manipulation, voice fetish. camshows, drinking, implied noncon. age gap, etc.

notes: last fic of 2022! im posting this mere minutes from midnight, so please pardon any mistakes. ill go back and edit this a bit later.

and yes, i can write a part 2 if you truly wish. sorry for cucking you guys, again..

happy new year everyone, thank you for such an amazing 2022. i hope to write much more in the future!

“im at the right place, aren’t i..?” you mumbled to yourself, frigid, clammy hands swiping your phone to make sure the location was right. the restaurant looked a bit trendy and sophisticated, somewhere you wouldn't dare step inside on your own. you and vox both agreed on a restaurant to meet at around eight o'clock. to be truly honest with yourself, you never thought you’d have the guts to do something like this — but when vox, the streamer who you’ve been watching for months daily and donating to everyday reached out to you personally, how could you say no?

nonetheless, sitting across from him at the table really made you wish you had refused.

for one, he was much too ethereal to be in your lowly presence. the camera didn’t do him justice at all — his pale skin was a nice contrast to his black hair, adorned by his signature red highlights. he even wore the red eye makeup that you loved to look at, except now, you could see his mouth and bottom half of his face, uncovered by the black mask he would usually wear. his lips looked so soft, and when his tongue darted out to lick them you were nearly going to faint. we’re those.. fangs? his canines were sharp, and you felt like a pervert for staring so intensely.

you quickly paid your respects to the other fans who would never know that vox, a niche but popular adult streamer, was a truly beautiful man in person.

you didn't even notice how silent it had gotten between the two of you. “no need to be so quiet. i don’t bite, i promise.” vox’s sweet voice snapped you out of your thoughts, apologizing profusely for zoning out so much. “you’re right! im sorry, ive just never done anything like this before..” you chuckled awkwardly, shifting in your chair while vox just smiled. he found your skittishness adorable. you reminded him of a scared little bunny — and he was the big bad wolf, ready to eat you up whole.

"what a shame. and here i was thinking you do this quite often, with how you accepted my request and all." the demon smirked at how your face flushed, becoming a stuttering mess. you should've expected it, but he was just as snarky in person as he was on his live shows. as your little meeting continued, vox realized he enjoyed your presence much more than he thought. the night was filled with friendly but interesting conversation, and for once, the demon didn’t feel forced to keep speaking.

at first, he debated on meeting with you in person. what if the person who donated nearly thousands to him each month turned out to be not as pleasant as he hoped? while the demon wouldn't be surprised, he would be a tad disappointed with all of the free shoutouts he's given to you. still, with you being his top donator for a while now, he felt compelled to show some form of graciousness. a little present, just in time for the holidays.

vox enjoyed streaming more than he thought he would. even though he could use his voice and other demonic powers for much grander, sinister things - for some reason, using them to tease and drain the wallets of his viewers was surprisingly just as satisfying. doing this, he never had to worry about getting a silly job like most humans did, letting the demon truly relax when he wasnt tampering with cameras and himself.

but, you, however - vox liked how shy and nervous you were. it awakened a sick monster inside of him, that wanted to see you cry and beg for mercy at his fingertips. he thought his days of toying with mortals was over, but unfortunately (or fortunately?) for you, you seemed to rekindle that fire in his heart. if he didn't know any better, he would've never expected you to be someone that watches adult streams online, let alone spend money on them.

taking advantage of how anxious you were, vox continued to ask questions about yourself, forcing you to blurt out answers in hopes of not screwing up. "so, what do you like about my streams, y/n?" the male swiveled the wine in his glass nonchalantly, golden eyes looking into yours, awaiting an answer. you gulped, shakily drinking yours as well.

"um, well, you're the first streamer i've ever really watched for.. that sort of stuff. i initially liked how your voice sounded, and wanted to hear more, but i ended up staying for your little stories and when you'd talk about yourself. you just seemed really nice." it was a bit embarrassing when you had said it aloud, but it was the truth. you enjoyed the moments where the demon would just ramble the most. of course, given the content of his streams, most of the things he'd speak about were so dirty it made your ears feel hot - however, there were moments where he'd just talk about his day, and you seemed to enjoy those the most.

it was vox's turn to blush, his grip tightening on the wine glass ever so slightly. how could a mere mortal make him feel so... flustered? hes had his fair share of affairs over many decades, however, never has he felt so vulnerable. the demon was expecting you to talk about his cock or something, but of course your innocent little head wouldnt do that. you should be thankful vox isn't a cannibalistic demon, or he seriously would've eaten your heart out by now.

therefore, the man didnt feel any remorse when you went to the bathroom and he slipped a drug into your drink while you were away.

it wasnt his fault - how was he supposed to let you go after today? someone as sinless and pure as yourself needed to be his. vox wouldnt be content with letting you go back to being another viewer behind the screen, not after your little meeting. the demon knew truly that you probably wouldn't refuse going home with him, but that also didnt guarantee you'd accept his offer. he considered the drug just a bit of a push in the right direction, if you will.

"sorry for taking so long. there was a line outside, so.." your voice trailed off, going back to your seat as the older man simply chuckled. why did you feel the need to explain yourself? it didn't matter how long you took, even if you tried to run now, vox would surely find you. pouring some more wine for himself, he filled his glass a bit more to match yours. you tried to tell him you weren't too keen or interested in alcohol at the beginning of your little date, but the demon wouldn't take no for an answer. "y/n, lets have a toast, shall we?" his held up his glass expectantly towards you, waiting for you to clink the rim with your own.

you hesitated for a moment. the smell of wine never enticed you, but seeing vox wait earnestly made your heart flutter. one glass shouldn't hurt, right?

you simply nodded, the familiar clank of glass against glass being shared between you two before drinking. you drank a majority of the wine, only leaving a small amount left. "good boy. its good, isnt it?" you nearly sputtered the drink back up from the praise, nodding again and drinking the rest in one gulp. it was much different hearing his words of affirmation in person. it felt addicting, unreal.

"thats it. a toast for the new year, my boy. im excited for the memories we shall make together. aren't you?" oh, did vox mean his streams? of course you looked forward to those, how could you not! he was the highlight of your day, making you smile and laugh. "mhm! im excited. im looking forward to your streams, vox." the demon felt a shiver roll down his spine, suppressing a groan. he could get used to you saying his name. he wanted to hear you say it in other ways, too.

"i hope we can get more.. personal, as well, y/n. it was truly delightful being here with you." the man had such a way with words, making you swoon. was he this nice with everyone? no wonder he had so many followers! while you didnt know the true extent to what he had implied, you agreed, telling him that you were happy you came out today.

of course you were. you were his little rabbit, frail and gullible, unknowing of the big bad wolf sitting across from your very table. he truly wondered just how oblivious you could be, but much to his delight, he'd find out soon enough. your eyes started to feel heavy, zoning out while he talked about random things to keep you occupied.

"goodness, y/n, are you alright? you look a bit pale. here, let me take you back to my place. i don't live far at all." his voice was sickeningly sweet, how could you deny his offer? you nodded drowsily, letting the man hold you to steady your balance.

the cold air of the outdoors didnt phase you, and neither did it bother vox. peering at your sleeping face, he smiled, leaning in to kiss the top of your forehead.

"happy new years, y/n. lets have fun together." vox whispered in your ear, turning the corner towards his apartment.

[slater-baby]

Hello! I'm currently in the middle of reading Indigo, coming onto that chapter where Simon's going to interrogate A.K. Through reading your story I couldn't help but ponder how much research, if any, you did to write Indigo (the little military facts, processes, groups, operations and mission, etc. had me perking up). I hope to write my own COD fiction one day (I'm pretty new to the writing scene honestly), and I was wondering how you did your research for military related matters. I always like planning before attempting to write so this would be incredibly helpful. Your writing style (slow-burn, world building and thought description leave me so immersed into a story) has me in a chokehold. No pressure to respond but I thought to just ask. Hope you have a nice day! : D -🧂

HELLO 🧂 ANON!! okay firstly, I want to apologize profusely for letting this message sit in my inbox for so long. I had a similar ask not too long ago, and I think I must have confused that one with this one, and mistakenly assumed that I already answered it. so IF IM WAY TOO LATE TO JUMP IN PLS FORGIVE ME ❤️🙇‍♀️

to answer your question!! So, in general, I like to think I have a pretty ok base knowledge of the military for a regular person. I seriously considered a career in the military (still am), so going into Indigo, I already had a lot of the knowledge I used in the story.

Furthermore, I've been a hardcore call of duty fan for the better half of a decade now. COD isn't realistic altogether (fr fr), but when I was younger, my interest in it was literally to the point of obsession askdflajdf so when it came to the stories, the reasoning behind their actions, and the things the characters said and did, I paid VERY close attention lmao

A lot of the plot mechanics in Indigo were inspired by the COD campaigns. I've played nearly all of them, so most of the military scenes follow along with a similar writing structure to what was written in the source material.

A piece of advice: if you don't know what characters would do in a military scenario, reference other works of fiction/documentaries. Trying to find real life scenarios to match every little detail is CRAZYYY hard. But finding fictional scenarios is actually a lot easier than you would think. There is one thing that you should know: It is not a requirement that works of military fiction be realistic. In fact, most of them are the exact opposite. But does that take away their merit as an enjoyable story? NOPE!!

For reference, here are some Indigo scenes that took heavy inspiration from other military fiction works!

Simon clearing Bardulla's office: Inspired by Recon By Fire in MW2 2022, in which Gaz clears an entire complex by himself

Indy's first mission: Inspired by the opening scene of American Sniper, with Chris Kyle on sniper overwatch

The 141 discover A.K.'s note: Inspired by the raid in Zero Dark Thirty, where they capture Osama Bin Laden

Considering LIDAR to map the underground lab: Inspired by the episode La Catedral in Narcos, in which they discuss mapping underground structures using military tech

The final mission: Inspired by the snow raid in Inception, in which they're operating on an extreme time clock

Rigging the bomb: Inspired by the documentary Evil Genius, in which someone robs a bank using a homemade device.

That covers a lot of the decisions I made throughout the story, barring dramatic flare lmao. Finding research on sensitive topics is very difficult, but by consuming a large swathe of media (both dramatized and realistic) can help you with writing!!

I wish I had a more concrete answer on writing logistics, but unfortunately, with Indigo, I relied very heavily on my base knowledge. However, here are some tips about things I DID have to research, as well as some resources you can use for general knowledge!!

LIDAR. This one has a lot of information on it if you can stomach reading science-y things.

Arms trafficking. Inspired by COD mw2 campaign, specifically the mission where they're in Amsterdam.

Uniforms. Dress and base uniforms, as well as appearance standards, are all available on government websites.

Enlistment and training requirements for special forces. This is also available on government websites and is documented in many, many documentaries.

Cold weather uniforms. This one I used first hand experiences that I read on Reddit.

Now!! For resources!!

I actually wrote a guide for military information!! It’s linked on my link tree! You can also find it here! This contains specific details about firearms, radio speak, and weapon modifications!

Someone else asked me about reference materials they could use for writing! You can find it in my link tree, or read it here!

ANYWAY!!!

I am so glad to hear that you’re interested in writing for COD!! AS WELL THAT YOURE NEW TO THE WRITING SCENE!! I HOPE THAT ITS BEEN TREATING YOU WELL!! We’re all brothers/sisters/siblings in arms now 😤😤❤️❤️ If you started writing before I answered this, pls pls pls send me what you wrote!! I would love to know how it turned out!! Plus, who can turn down COD fan fiction 👀 not me

HOPE YOURE DOING WELL HON!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING INDIGO AND FOR LEAVING ME THIS AWESOME ASK!! ❤️❤️❤️

[lost-in-sokovia]

close to my heart, never to part

AN: hey team!! so, it’s quite apparent that i haven’t written anything on here in ages!! tbh since early 2023 it’s been difficult for me to enjoy writing fanfic style and therefore it’s been fucking forever since i’ve done it!! however, i’ve started writing again but in a completely different style of writing, and my friends and even a few of my professors at school have been really supportive and so it’s given me more confidence. so, i wrote this little piece over a span of two nights. it’s not proofread, it all came to me on a whim from a thought that stemmed in the shower one night. as some of you might know, lullabies are incredibly important to me. my parents always sang “you are my sunshine” to me so that’s the one i grew up on, i still listen to lullabies, and giving my babies lullabies is something so important to me. so i was thinking what joel’s lullaby for sarah would be, and i remembered that nico parker was in the live action “dumbo” movie that i actually saw in theaters with my sister when i was younger. so, obviously i had to take that connection and translate it, and this idea hit. so, without further ado, here is something i wrote that im incredibly nervous to post because i haven’t posted an original writing since literally 2022 and i need to do a masterlist cleanse of all my old shit spanning back to when i was like 14/15 whatever and here’s something i wrote for joel miller who i am not an expert on tlou fandom girlies please be gentle with me😭

tw: alcohol consumption, language, angst, pre-/no! breakout joel, sarah is a baaaaby🤍, no use of y/n, this isn’t even an x reader fic😭

(if you want to listen to my favorite rendition of “baby mine” that helped inspire this, here it is!!)

it wasn’t like he was sleeping, anyway.

joel miller was sitting on his couch in the dead of night, slouched over with heavy, glossed over eyes mindlessly staring at whatever the fuck had come on the tv at this point.

it was the first night without his wife, without the mother of his infant daughter.

the austin air was quiet that night, and seemingly all that existed (or didn’t exist, joel was still debating) was joel, his couch, his beer, and his tv.

joel had been slowly nursing a beer all night. just one, he had told himself, because he couldn’t be drunk and alone with his daughter.

however, as the hours passed on, joel had forgotten about the existence of his peacefully sleeping daughter in her nursery, and yet he still held the same amber glass bottle tiredly between his fingers as it rested on his knee.

still in jeans and a t-shirt, joel’s heavy eyelids fluttered open and closed, the obnoxious bright light of the television piercing his pupils when opened and nearly provoking a headache. he was hopelessly fighting the sleep that could take him away from all his problems for a short time. his eyes dry and salty from the tears he’d shed earlier in the night were losing the battle of exhaustion as his head slowly began to fall back against the leather couch.

not even moments later, small hiccuped cries began to erupt from sarah’s nursery. joel jerked awake and looked around through squinting eyes as he ran a hand over his face and through his hair. the cries of his daughter intensified and joel let out a heavy sigh, closing his eyes and shaking his head.

what was he supposed to do? taking care of sarah in the night wasn’t new to him, but doing it alone was.

what if he couldn’t get her to stop?

what if she wanted her mother? that’s a thing babies usually cry for, right?

joel pushed down the fresh set of tears that pricked at his eyelids and forced himself to get up, his stomach churning with dread (and the nausea provoked by drinking a beer after eating almost nothing all day).

it took everything in him to climb the stairs to reach the nursery. his legs dragged with exhaustion and his willpower to take care of whatever the issue was was close to nothing, despite the fact his baby daughter’s cries intensified the longer she was up there alone.

when joel finally reached her nursery, the sound of her cries pounded in his head.

“oh, oh oh,” he cooed as gently as he could, voice gruff with sleep. he carefully lifted sarah out of her crib, bouncing her lightly as he held her to his chest. “why’re we cryin’, babygirl? what’s wrong?”

sarah’s little fists were beside her face that was scrunched unhappily, her mouth stretched wide as she wailed. joel cooed and continued to bounce her, trying to get her to calm down.

he lifted her higher to do a smell-check of her diaper to see if that was the problem. nope, the scent of baby powder still penetrated his nose.

he held a finger in front of her mouth to see if she’d try to suck it, a sign she may be hungry.

nothing, just a bit of spit from her tiny mouth sprayed his finger as she cried.

“sarah, darlin’, work with me here,” joel pleaded helplessly. he walked around in a small circle as he bounced her, looking around her nursery; light blue walls with quilted decor of the alphabet above her crib, sheer curtains patterned with lively little polka dots, a rocking chair, a nightlight, a changing table, a little bookshelf, toys and stuffed animals set nicely in a corner…

each and every piece of furniture and decor laced with memories of sarah’s mom.

joel wasn’t sure how many times he’d made the same circle, and he had gotten used to the sound of sarah’s cries by now. his eyelids were heavy and his head had the dullest ache.

he felt like he could cry too. he was completely drained and at a loss. was this what every night for the next year was going to look like? how the hell was he supposed to raise his daughter right without her mother in the picture? what was he going to do about work? who was going to watch her? who—

joel didn’t realize tears were sliding down his cheeks until sarah let out an absolute guttural cry.

“i’m sorry, babygirl, ‘m sorry…” joel apologized, using his thumb to try and gently wipe the mix of his and her tears off her soft baby cheek. he stared at his daughter in the dark, weakly whispering continued apologies.

he was sorry for letting his tears drop onto her. he was sorry she was crying. he was sorry for however the rest of her life was about to be.

he was sorry he wasn’t her mother.

joel’s last and final resort hit after he had taken a few deep breaths. he remembered singing.

sarah’s mom wasn’t one for full-on singing for her daughter, but joel, who had wanted to be a singer, was. he’d gently lay sarah’s tiny body on top of his blanket-covered guitar and play soft lullabies for her, singing into her little ear. a popular song with her had been “baby mine” from the movie “dumbo.” before sarah was born, joel and her mother had collected as many vhs tapes of movies that she would hopefully enjoy from second-hand sales. among that pile was the movie of the elephant with the big ears, who when flying made sarah laugh and squeal.

joel cleared his throat as quietly as possible, sarah’s cries and whines still persisting.

“baby mine, don’t you cry,” joel began softly, voice a bit scratchy. “baby mine, dry your eyes. rest your head close to my heart, never to part, baby of mine.”

cries subsided into little whines.

“little one, when you play…”

little fists unclenched.

“don’t you mind what they say…”

sarah’s tiny tensed body relaxed.

“l-let those eyes sparkle and shine, never a tear, baby of mine…”

joel cradled her and rocked her slowly back and forth, watching his daughter fall asleep once more. though emotion flooded up in his chest, he knew he couldn’t stop now.

“if they knew sweet little you, they’d end up lovin’ you too… all those same people who scold you, what they’d g-give just for the right to hold you…”

joel wasn’t sure if he could finish. his voice was choked up and more tears slid down his cheeks as he admired his peacefully sleeping daughter, calm just from the sound of her father’s voice.

he took a shaky breath before forcing himself to finish out the song.

“from your head t’your toes, you’re not much, goodness knows—“

with a small crack in his voice, he finished out the rest of the lullaby in a whisper.

“but you’re so precious t’me… cute as can be… baby of mine…”

[imaginemcyt]

being childhood best friends with cc!ranboo would include...

synopsis: what it was like growing up best friends with ranboo

tw: none!

listen to: count on me by bruno mars, twin size mattress by the front bottoms, the best day by taylor swift

you probably met in your early school days, most likely first grade or so (you'd be like 6 for those of you who don't go to american public school!)

you'd become friends pretty fast, always picking each other during partner work time and playing with each other on the playground

you probably poked at worms and drew each other little pictures 😭😭😭😭😭

growing up your parents knew him and their parents knew you, so you'd always spend time at each other's houses

summers were always the best because you got to spend nearly every day together, always swimming at his house or riding your bikes around your neighborhood

when you were twelve, you got into a pretty big fight and didn't talk to each other for almost a month. it was the longest you'd ever been apart, and you both cried when you finally made up. your parents were extremely worried about the two of you

when you got to be about 13, your body changed quickly, and they were always the first to hype you up when you felt down about yourself, and they always stuck up for you if you got bullied or received unwanted attention

he became a personal guard dog for you 😭

they'd literally just intimidate people with their height and that's all it took

you were his support system when discovering his gender and sexuality and they will never ever forget that

you're genuinely their soulmate. even if not romantically, you're two halves of one whole, and you both know it deep down

you're the first person he goes to when he blows up online

you're in full support, but you want to remain completely anonymous and uninvolved

you don't want their clout, and they love you for that

everyone around you thinks you guys are dating, and you don't make a big deal out deal of denying it, just a simple "no, they're just my best friend!"

as ran continues to grow online, you remain entirely out of the public eye for a couple years

in late 2022, he introduces you to his fanbase and they love you!!

after that you still stay pretty private, only really joining for a couple streams and videos here and there

chat always asks about you

they love to tell stories about you on stream

when he moves to the uk, you cry harder than you ever have, but you understand that he sort of needs to for his career path, and you're in support

they promise to still call and text you every day

before he leaves though, you guys kinda have an "oh, duh" moment where you're like,, wait. you're an adult, too,, you could literally just go with him.....

so you do! you move to the uk with them!

your parents all see you off and you all cry together, but they know you'll be alright because you have each other to lean on

eventually you're introduced to aimsey, bill, tommy, tubbo (im delulu), freddie, and others such as wilbur, james, ash, phil, and charlie

you are an official member of cricket crew

sometimes you guys will go back to america and visit your hometown in california, driving together down your old town's streets, windows down and music up, reminiscing

they will cuddle you or hold your hand (/p) if you ever want or need them to

ceo of piggyback rides.

he knows you so well that you don't even have to ask

tesco trips. y'all never have to argue about who is going to do the shopping, you always go together because it's fun. hanging on the shopping buggy, riding it through the aisles, buying a bunch of things that you most definitely do not need

they 100% spoil you. they will buy you anything and everything, just because they wanted to. you try to do the same as much as you can, but he always wins because they have that streamer money 😔

you both have so many stories and so much blackmail on each other

and photos... my god, the pictures yall have........

birthday gifts are never serious, you always get each other gag gifts and inside joke related gifts

christmas is when you literally spoil each other

they always bring home your favorite snacks when they're out

if you're a gamer, they're introducing you to new games they found and learning how to play them with you

if you're not a gamer, he's teaching you how to play his favorites just for fun!

if they get too scared playing a horror game they'll call you into the room and make you sit with them and be scared too :P

you guys have this sixth sense, when something is wrong, you just... know. ran's upset? you don't even have to talk before you're already hugging him. you're sad? he's leaving tommy's house right now because he can't explain it, there's just a disturbance in the force

whenever anyone asks how you guys met/how long you've been friends, he always sounds so proud when he says "oh, i've known them my whole life!"

y'all are so sweet i swear to god

[pascalslvt]

Tangled Alliances

Summary: When faced with sickness in your community in an already post-apocalyptic world, it is up to the strained professional partnership of you and Joel Miller to embark in a perilous and difficult journey in order to retrieve life-saving medicine. With your destinies intertwined, shrouded in tension, you confront the unforgiving challenges of your environment together, gradually forming an unexpected bond. Will that be enough?

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!Reader, f/m

rating: 18+, minors dni

series warnings:, pre!ellie, during outbreak, set in TLOU 2022, age gap (28 & 52), swearing, mentions of violence, also actual violence, mentions of sickness, heavy angst...., fluff, trial & tribulations, severe weather, a lot of fucking animosity and hostility, enemies to lovers ???, infected people, tension...TENSION!!!, bickering, copious amounts of alcohol, inebriation, y'all don't get along...but y'all also have to, smut!!!!...a semi-slow burn, anxiety, exhaustion, NO USE OF Y/N.

chapter warnings: Mentions of backstory (involving the death of readers parents), bickering, bad langauge, tess is mother, mentions of sickness and death, aclohol, sharing a tent (wink wink), cheeky morning wood, just a sprinkle of smut if you squint its not really smutty but not completley clean, bad luck ??, tension. lots of it, intrusive improper thoughts.

word count ≈ 8,3k Estimated reading time: 37 minutes, 4 seconds (225 wpm)

a/n: This is the first part of a series i am writing!! I haven't actually written fanfiction since i was like...15, so be very very kind and gentle and patient with me because i am literally just a girl.....i have dusted off the cobwebs & busted my writing out of its retirement to create a story to quench my current joel miller obession. This storyline is actually inspired by a dream i recently had and i am very excited to reeeeally get into the series as i have a lot of plans that i cannot share with you right now.... also sorry if the tags are wierd i gennuinely have no idea what the fuck to write. Part two will come pretty shortly (don't get used to it) because after i awoke from the dream i literally wrote almost 20k words in one sitting so im splitting it up and giving this one some time to see if people are even interested in reading more...please enjoy!!!!!!

Part One: Hostile Beginnings

You were nearly seven years old when the outbreak started. To you, the world crumbled before your feet in what seemed like an instant - shattering the very ground on which you stood. One day after school, you saw your own mother's jugular be ripped straight out of her neck from the mouth of your neighbor, an old and fragile woman who used to babysit you from time to time. Before running away in fear, you saw your mother bleed out, right there on the lawn you used to play in. You never saw your father that day, and neither did you ever again. You always accepted that your father's fate was that he most likely died in that little cubicle he worked in. Or that he now spends the rest of his life infected. Whichever the case, it doesn’t really matter to you, you don’t think about him anymore. 

You got away with your life by the skin of your teeth that day. That little girl ran until her tiny legs could carry her no more. Your English teacher, Theresa, had found you in a ditch, sobbing. You had been wearing the same outfit you did that day in class, a purple shirt with a flower on it, along with some blue pants. Theresa didn't have the heart to leave the little girl behind, so she took you under her wing.

Throughout the years, Therese - or ‘Tess’ as you liked to call her - taught you how to survive this very unfortunate world disaster. While you were still young, she taught you to crawl into small holes to retrieve food or water, and to hide whenever you felt something was wrong. She taught you to trust your instincts. She taught you to be resilient. Resourceful. In later years, you were taught to use a gun, to mend knifes, to defend yourself - how to navigate this apocalypse safely. 

When you got older, Tess made use of you in her line of work. Smuggling. And you were good  

This is how you got to know the man named Joel Miller. A cynical, gruff man of very few words. But, he always got the job done. You and Joel didn’t interact much. Now that you think about it, you hadn’t met him more than.. what? 5 times before today? even less so had you spoken with him. Tess didn’t want you to work alongside Joel as she believed his methods could sometimes be…taking unnecessary risks. He could sometimes be reckless. And you were not a risk she was willing to take. Not yet.

Ever since finding that shattered little girl all those years ago, Tess always felt an unwavering, deep sense of responsibility to keep you safe. She owed it to you, and she owed it to your parents. You were now a full-grown woman, 28 years old - and Tess knew you had a strong head on her shoulders. With the years, the fierce overprotective nature gradually softened. She gradually unfolded her wings of trust, and sent you out on more and more jobs. But, it wasn’t until recently that she felt comfortable enough to let you work with Joel. Nothing big, none spanning more than a day or three. To her dismay (but yet also relief), the two of you ended up ultimately proving to be an incredibly efficient team. However, the two of you could not get along even if your very life depended on it. 

It was a silent alliance. It had to be. Otherwise, you’d end up getting on each other's nerves and damn near kill one another. Joel always made it incredibly clear that you weren’t friends - he wasn’t there for pleasantries, he was there to finish a job. Not that you objected. The less condescending shit you had to hear him say, the better. You didn’t care much, either way. You were a professional - after all, you had done this since you were a child. This was your reality. You never had much choice.

Lately, a lot of people in your community have fallen very, very sick. It is some sort of pulmonary bacterial infection that starts off with a fever, and will leave you coughing up blood a couple of months later. A slow killer, but a killer nonetheless. Some of the older folk have already started dying.

“No, absolutely not, Valerie” you heard Tess’s voice come from downstairs. You just happened to walk past to hear it. “It’s way too risky”. These words piqued your interest. “She is our best option, and you damn well know that” Valerie, a woman you live and work with says, a stern undertone in her voice. You slowly walks towards them, walking down the stairs without making a creak, eavesdropping.

“This would take months to complete..” Tess sighs, adding in, “We don’t even know if we have that kind of time, folk’ are already dyin’. We don't even have no idea how heavily surveilled it is”

“Do we have a choice? We’ll run out of our own supply within a month if we’re lucky. They will all die” 

Tess is quiet, you could almost hear her thinking if you listened hard enough. You enter the room, “What’s going on?” you ask 

Tess stands still and shares a look with Valerie before looking at you, sighing and crossing her arms. “We have received intel that there is a massive supply of vital medical equipment as well as medication, medication that we need. It’s In a settlement controlled by some sort of… faction. They call themselves the ‘reclaimers’. Nasty bunch. We need the medication, and well.. If our sources are correct, which they haven't failed us before, it’d be enough to not only cure the folk round here; but we could also sell for an enormous profit. We could make a lot of money. Maybe buy a new truck. Supplies. Guns….”

“I’m in.” you say, without hesitation, cutting her off. Tess shakes her head, she opens her mouth to speak, but you interrupt her before she can “I can manage myself, you made sure of that.”

Valerie looks at Tess with a ‘I told you so’ look. “You’d have to walk for, probably, months on end just to get there and back. They’re west, somewhere in Montana, located deep into the forest. You have never been on a mission that lengthy, and it's fucking cold as shit - and it's only going to get worse” 

“What’s our other option here? Let people die?” you ask, and pause. They stay silent. “I wouldn’t accept if I didn’t know I was capable of handling something like this, Tess….”

You look at each other for a long time. She knits her eyebrows together, somberly, and shakes her head. She doesn't know if she can let you do anything like this. Not because she doubts your ability - rather, she cannot get herself to put you in that type of danger.

“You heard the woman…” Valerie says smugly. 

“Fine”. Tess says, slightly annoyed and probably feeling very protective. “I need to stay here and take care of some things, keep track of the radio and such.. Valerie needs to tend to the people here. It…It would be you and Joel.” 

This takes you slightly aback. On one hand, even though Tess might think his methods are unconventional - she trusts him, and you trust her. Besides, you have worked professionally very well before and always get the job done. But on the other hand…it’s Joel fucking Miller. 

“Months on a job with Joel Miller? Fuck me…” You scoff. Tess’s lips curl into a slight smile evidently trying to hold back her laughter. She knows the kind of disdain you feel for him. 

“There’s no one else I’d trust to send you away with on a mission like this. Except for me, of course” Tess says, leaning against a wall. “Are you still in, even if it’s him?” “Well.. i don’t really have a choice now, do i?” you say, and they chuckle. “When would we leave?”

Tess pauses. “You’d have to leave tomorrow” she studies your demeanor, waiting for you to opt out. Hoping in a sick, twisted way that you would - since that would mean that you’d be safe. You don’t hesitate. “He doesn’t know…yet. But, I know him. He would not turn this job down. Besides, he owes us too much, he can’t” 

You nod. “Well…he’ll probably be as pleased with working with me as I am with him” you say, rolling your eyes. 

“It’s about time the two of you get over that little feud of yours” Valerie interjects, you send her a warning look 

“Ain’t my fault he’s fucking unbearable” You point at her, gesticulating your annoyance already brewing by the mere thought of him. She shrugs. 

“I’ll call him on the radio - let him know.” Tess says. 

--

“With her?!” You hear Joel’s voice boom down from the hallway, annoyance evident on his voice. ‘yup. i was right’ You think to yourself, chuckling as you’re eavesdropping from the other room. They start start walking towards the kitchen, where you are stood. When he sees you, he nearly rolls his eyes, stopping in his tracks. “Well. Looks like we’ll be partners.”

You smile tight-lipped, nodding and holding back an eye roll of your own - trying your best to be civil. “Seems that way”

“We leave at 8. ‘Expect you to be ready by 7 forty-five” He commands. You nod at his instructions. ‘One minute of a partnership, and he has already taken the leading role. Fucking jackass.’ you think to yourself. “Better get some rest”

“Yeah, no kidding…” You mumble to yourself, sneering. He gives you a warning look. One that says ‘don’t start’.

Knowing there’s no point in furthering this conversation as tensions are already high, and you have months to argue with him, you turn to walk “I’ll go pack then” You announce, turning around.

“And try not to piss me off” Joel says loudly as you walk away. You just hold up your middle finger and leave the room. “Real mature!” He scoffs as he looks at Tess with a look that says ‘can you believe her?’, she just shrugs. 

That night you packed all that you would need - supplies, food, weapons, a tent…the everyday outing must haves in the midst of an active apocalypse, also…for the cold. Of course, you are not a total stranger to it, living here in Boston, but you also know that the cold here won't compare to the temperatures you are about to face - as you know walking through the north of the US in late autumn, early winter will not be an easy feat - and in a little tent, at that. It was estimated you would be gone for about a couple of months, at least - which is by far the longest job you’d ever been on. But, it was essential. 

That morning you wake up particularly early, to make it a point not to be late. Wouldn’t want to give Joel the satisfaction of berating you. You can already feel yourself wanting to spite him. Tess helped you carry your things down, not that you needed help, rather she felt bad for sending you to do something like this. Capable or not, she had a …. Somewhat motherly instinct for you. She also gave you the map with the places you’re headed, where you’re meeting the informants, where the safehouses are located and so on - and gave you the same rundown as she did for Joel, keeping the both of you informed. You are now stood in the kitchen, with your things in your arms. She paused and looked at you, having trouble finding the words, feeling herself getting choked up by the reality of the situation. Before you can diffuse the fears you see swirling in her head, she holds you tight. “You be real careful of yourself, got it?” 

“Yes m’am.” You say, voice slightly strained by the suffocating tight hold she has around you. She lets go of you, and cups one side of your face with her hand, and smiles with glassy eyes. She shakes her head as she takes a step back, as if to snap out of the sentimentality. 

“Now go and get that medicine.” she nods, trying to sound emotionless and strong. You nod and turn to walk out the building. “Oh, and… give him a tough time. Joel, I mean” She laughs

“You know I will” You wink, as you finally leave the house. Tess stands there with an awful feeling inside the deepest parts of her. She was meant to be the one to protect you, and here she is; sending you off to a mission where she doesn’t even know the magnitude of the threat it poses to your life. But, it’s too late now. Way too many people are depending on you. 

You continue walking out, as you lean against the truck parked outside. You’re not going to drive far with it, only 10-12 hours or so. They wanted to transport it somewhere else to sell (since the ongoing surge of illness has eaten away at your community fund), and since it was on the way Tess figured it would not hurt to cut down the length of the trip just a little bit. You stand there for a while, until you check your clock: ‘7:46am’. You snigger by yourself. Without noticing, Joel was walking towards you, gear in hand

“Right in time, for once” He mumbles. 

“You’re the one who is late, Joel” You correctly point out. 

“It’s one minute, stop yappin’” He says, walking over to the truck, throwing his stuff into it and getting into the driver's seat, slamming the door. What a cheerful man. 

You throw your bag into the car “I don’t understand why you’re the one driving” you mutter, getting into the passenger seat

“You know exactly why. Now shut it before I rip off ‘ya jaw and shove it up ‘ya ass.” He says, matter-of-factly, putting the keys in the ignition, turning it and starting the engine, looking forward. 

“Ooh, very kinky, Joel” You say sarcastically, taunting him.

He puts his foot on the clutch, as he shifts the gear. “Keep talkin', and I'll leave ya here.” he says and starts driving. 

“If only I’d be so lucky…” You mutter silently, watching out of the window as he pulls out on the narrow road through the tall buildings, keeping away from the major roads as they are heavily used by FEDRA.

“I heard that” He said, pointing at his ear, eyes on the road. 

“I’m glad your hearing is working, old man. Gives us a bigger chance of survival” you chuckle

“Old man?” He asks, insulted by what you said. “I'll show ya old man if you don't shut the hell up.” 

You roll your eyes, and decide to sit this one out. You know it’s not worth bickering, as you have a long, long road ahead of the two of you. “That’s better” He said after a little while of silence. You roll your eyes once again, deciding with all your will and might not to respond with a snippy comment, as you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of giving him the reaction he so obviously is searching for.

You two drive for hours and hours without saying a word, sitting in the thick tension that is between the two of you. It wasn’t necessarily a comfortable silence, rather a silence that comfortably didn’t mean you had to talk to him. After 7 hours, you can start seeing the shift in the sky, the colors indicating the impending sunset that's occurring. 

“Maybe we should find somewhere to find shelter? Suns going down. “ You point out.

“I could work that out myself, thanks” He mutters. “We've still got a few hours left of daylight. Push on.”

“So I’m guessing your plan is that we sleep in the car?” You question, looking at him. He doesn’t leave his eyes from the road. 

“Yup.” he says. Well, you couldn’t think of any better plan, to be fair. A truck is not a bad place to sleep given the alternative. 

After about an hour or so, the car starts suddenly sputtering. “What the fuck?” Joel mumbles, as he quickly checks around the dashboard to see if there’s any indication as to what’s going on. You look over at him, quizzically. “Fuck!!” He shouts, hitting the steering wheel so hard that it honks, as the car comes to a halt. “That’s just…that’s just fucking great” He says, trying to restart the engine - to no avail. 

“So much for your plan on ‘pushing on’” you said, looking out at the quickly darkening sky, mocking him. He looks annoyed at you, as he gets out of the car, to check the hood. When he does, a light amount of smoke seeps out. 

Well, that sucks. But, you try to remind yourself that this truck was always going to be a temporary luxury, and you got 8 hours into the 12-hour trip. Oh well, more time with… Joel.. Sigh..

“Engines out” He grumbles, waving the smoke away from his face as he closes the hood again, standing and watching hopelessly at the car with one hand on his hip. “We’re not too far from the trucks drop off spot, guess we’ll have to walk the rest of the way.”

“So we just leave it here?” You ask

“Got a better idea? We’re in the middle of nowhere, nobody gonna steal it.” He answers. 

“It’s your head, miller…” You mutter. He chooses not to answer to your snark.   

“I say we still sleep in the car. It’s better than a tent.” 

You nod in agreement “In the middle of the road?” You ask, looking at an already annoyed Joel. He grimaces, whilst he mocks what you just said

“No, you idiot, we’ll have to push it” he stated, looking around the road to see a good spot, and ended up pointing at a spot by some trees a couple meters from the road. “And it ain't an easy feat. Let’s see if you got the strength to push a two tonne vehicle, little miss” 

You shrug. How bad can it be? Joel gets in the car and makes sure its gear is in neutral, as the both of you stand at the back of the car, starting to push. It takes some time, and Joel was right that it was, indeed, not an easy task. By the time you got the car by the trees you’re both catching your breath, Joel sweating profusely

“That wasn’t so hard, was it?” You say between breaths, holding your hands on your hips. He’s bent over in exhaustion. 

“Oh bite me” He hisses. You try not to laugh. “We’ll have to leave it here, try to radio Tess somewhere along the way, so they can pick it up - at least before someone steals it” 

You nod. It’s gotten dark, it’s time to sleep. So, you climb into the truck and start leaning back your seat to get as comfortable as you can. Joel does the same.

“So…” You say, breaking out the map. “We’ll have to recalibrate… it’ll be…what I'm guessing… 2 to 3 weeks to walk to our first meetup spot with the informants.” I sigh, already tired. 

Joel nods. “I'll carry ya if ya get tired” He teases, looking over at you as he lays back in his seat.

“Right back at you princess” You answer without a beat, changing the pins in the map, folding it back and lying on your side, away from Joel. He smirks at your answer. 

“Y’sure got a mouth on you” He says.

You roll your eyes as you close your eyes “night”, you mumble, ready to sleep. 

“G'night” he lies back on the seat and put his hat over his face before falling asleep.

--

The morning after, you wake up in a stir. The car was very cold, and the sun was just rising. You look around, and find that Joel is not in the car. You blink the sleep out of your eyes, and realize he’s popped the hood to check if there's any way to salvage this car. He sees you move around your head and peaks on the side of the hood

“g’morning, darlin’” he smirks. Is he more annoying than usual or is it because you just woke up? You can't decide. You furrow your eyebrows. He chuckles to himself at how displeased you seem to be awake. You were, after all, never a morning person. “We gotta get movin’”

“Yeah, yeah..” You mumble, getting out of the car to stretch and go to the backseat to collect all your things. Sleep still in your system, the two of you start walking along the road. After a while, you opt to walking through some hills, as Joel got more and more paranoid of meeting someone on the road. You walked for what must have been…14 hours, only taking a small break to eat something small that Tess had packed, sitting on two different places and not exchanging any words. The sun started setting, the sky turning an orange tinge.

“We better find shelter..come on” He said, looking around and seemingly found a spot not too far away - yet secluded enough to sleep for tonight. He increased his walking pace in a determined manner. You follow along not too far behind. Suddenly he stops dead in his steps. 

“Jesus fucking Christ” He whispered to himself, anger and frustration very, very evident in his voice

“What?” You ask, eyeing him a bit worried about his reaction.

“God fucking damn it” He whispers to himself “Dammit - I forgot my tent. We'll have ta sleep in the open. Hope you ain't afraid of the dark…” 

“Speak for yourself. I brought mine. I ain’t sharing.” You say, resuming your steps. 

“You're a real treat to travel with you know that.” He says, looking at you stood still, frozen by his own frustration as he is kicking himself for forgetting that damn bag.  

“I bet I am!” you yell, as you have managed to walk a bit further along than he has. He sulks as he continues walking. 

You both decide on a safe spot to make a shelter. Joel and you start instinctively preparing to make a fire and collecting anything that will burn. To his dismay, a light downpour of snowflakes suddenly fall from the sky. You look up and laugh at the sheer irony of the situation, the frustration of the day just piling onto Joel. And it’s only the first day at that. “Ain’t that a bitch, huh, Miller?” 

“Gotta be fucking kidding me” He groans. “That’s just great” 

The two of you start a fire, and put two cans of soup on it for dinner. He is sitting against a rock, drinking whiskey, looking as happy as you could in his situation (spoiler alert, he is sulking). You are putting up your tent, which you dutifully brought (unlike Joel) and you pause as you catch a glimpse of the sad man who seems to be very stressed with the current predicament he has found himself in. He is visibly freezing his ass off. You feel strangely bad. He can't sleep in this cold…

“Look, miller” you pause, he looks at you. “You’re going to die in this cold. Let’s just share tents. Ain’t nun weird.”

He scoffs, and looks back at the fire, taking a sip of the whiskey “I'm good”  

You sigh. “Stop being such a fucking Stoic and get over yourself. If you share your whiskey, I’ll share my tent” you say. Maybe by making a deal out of it, it’ll be easier for him to accept your help, you thought. 

He thinks for a while. He weighs out his options, as if there is not only one he can realistically go with - which is to accept your help. “Fine. Half-and-half?”

You nod, somewhat happy that he accepted, yet less happy of the reality - which was that you have to share a tent tonight. “Half and half” You repeat, nodding. You walk towards him and sit next to him. 

He gets another cup from his bag and fills it with his cheap, illegally brewed scotch, and passes it to you. “That’ll warm us up nicely” He said. It tastes like piss and firewood.

“Aye” You say. “How did you manage to remember bringing your whiskey, and not your tent?” You ask, with a slight hint of laughter to your voice. 

He huffed. “Priorities” He smirked, turning to you. 

“Well. I hope you have brought enough to maintain your end of the deal” you say, taking a sip. He silently lifts his bag, emitting a number of clinking noises, entailing he has probably got enough to last him weeks. Maybe a week now that you are involved. 

“Seems like an unnecessarily heavy weight to carry” you remark, taking a sip of the strong liquid. 

He stays silent for a while. “You’ll understand it soon enough” is all he says. Not knowing what he meant, neither caring all too much, you shrug and kept drinking aside each other in the dark silence. You eat the soup when it’s done, too. You pulled your legs to your chest to maintain more warmth, as it feels as though its getting colder by the minute, a few stray snowflakes falling onto the ground and quickly melting away. 

“Didn’t think you were so damn sensitive to the cold” he suddenly said.

“M’not, it’s fucking freezing” you say, breathing out. 

“Don't think I don’t see you shivering, princess” he says, with a sly smirk on his mouth

“Right back at you, princess” You say, mocking the way he said it to you. “Don’t fucking call me that ever fucking again, by the way”

“Someone’s a tad touchy, ain’t they?” He laughs, taking a swig from his whiskey

“Shut up, Miller” 

“Why? M’igetting on your nerves?” he asks, sarcasm swelling in his voice.

“Always have been” You quickly retort. 

“I’d say it’s mutual” 

You nod, as you kept drinking. The whiskey has become a lubrication for the regular anguish you’ve felt in the presence of Joel. Now you felt no more than subtly irritated. The drunker you got, the happier you were of the deal you did with him. You kept drinking in silence, until you’ve drained about a quarter of the bottle - which might seem like a little, unless you calculate the amount of food you’ve ingested compared to the whiskey you’ve drank. Your cup is, once again, empty - and you guide the cup towards Joel, who dutifully fills it with more. 

“Here ya go, princess” he says sheepishly, and you turn to give him a warning look

“I’m serious Joel, I’ll knock the teeth right out of your mouth if you keep calling me that.” You say, rather aggressively. 

“I’d like to see you try” He snorts out. 

You decide not to answer, as he is clearly getting a rise out of antagonizing you. You roll your eyes and chug the rest of your cup. So did, Joel.

He, again, filled your cup. “You seem happy I brought the whiskey. Like you could use some of it” He comments

“No shit. I’ve got two to three months on a mission with you. And it’s only the second night” you  shrug. “Not to mention that we have to share tents…”

“I ain't that bad” He chuckles. 

“You’re drunk” you add. 

“So are you” he quickly responds.

You nod, and sit in silence for a while - both, quite drunk. “I’m fucking tired. You tired?” 

You feel a bit loopy from all the alcohol, but stand up and agree, walking over to your tent. The closer you get to the tent, the more you realize just how small it really is. I mean, it’s small for just one person, imagine how cramped it is for two? Surely, the both of you cannot fit in there - what the hell have you gotten yourself into? You think to yourself. 

Joel walks slowly towards the tent as he watches you look into the tent, worriedly. He looks himself, and the same thought passing your mind right now has suddenly dawned upon his, “Oh, boy….” he mumbled

“Yeah, I know.”. You are both stood there, looking, for a while - until you initiate and climb into the tent, and lie down on the right side - making as much space for Joel’s body as you can. 

“This ain't gonna be comfortable, not one bit...” he says, as he lies down next to you in the tent, in a clumsy and stale motion. 

Your bodies are uncomfortably pressing together, without there being enough room to move away, nor was there to shuffle to a more spacious yet also non compromising position. You tried lying back to back, as it seemed the natural and least intimate way to lie next to one another, thus facing away from one another. Still then, there wasn’t enough space to spare personal space - not in this tent. 

“God this sucks.” you mutter from one side. 

“You got that right.” He answers from the other. 

You groan, as you try to get comfortable, nudging your elbow into his back in the process. He huffs out of pain. “You're making it worse.”

“Shut up. I’m just trying to get comfortable” You say, feeling an unrest in your body - one that the whiskey was not strong enough to numb. 

“So am I” He gets more irritated as you keep nudging into him. 

Finally, you settled to lie on your side, facing away from Joel. He takes the newly found empty space and lies with his arms against your back. You groan. “Your arms are hurting my back”  he does not seem to care, and stays silent. You finally give into defeat, as the mixture of the sleepiness and alcohol slowly seems to overtake your body and you both fall asleep.

Somewhere at night, you had rolled over. Joel was very warm, so naturally, subconsciously, you drifted closer to the source. With your face against his chest, he was softly awoken by the warm breaths coming out of your mouth, in small snores. He looked down, and saw you sleeping peacefully, right against him. He lied completely still, not sure if he should wake you up. The snores were not loud enough to keep him up, so he presumed that is the price he’ll have to pay to sleep somewhere warm tonight, so he tried closing his eyes and fall back asleep, repeating in his head not to look anymore at you - and just go to sleep. 

Suddenly you wake up, the morning after, head plastered against Joel’s chest, with his arm slung around your body, and your arm slung over his shoulder. It felt comfortable and warm….strangely.. Good lying like that, but you didn’t know how to react. It was utterly intimate and had crossed the border to cuddling very long ago.  And oh god…is that your saliva on his shirt? Did you drool on his chest?! You were so close to him that you could smell the stench of whiskey on his breath, no less your own bouncing from his chest and back to your nostrils. You were basically on second base with the man, without ever remembering if you fell asleep that way or if you had done it in your sleep. I mean hell, you barely remember getting into the damned tent…’we must’ve gotten very drunk’ you thought to yourself. You must’ve rolled over and not thought about it.

You lie frozen, unsure what to do in this situation. If you jerk too much, you’ll wake him - but if you don’t move… he’ll see what you are seeing as of right now - which is you two in an extremely compromising situation. Maybe you could turn around? But then it would border spooning…curse this god-damn tent! 

As if awoken by your thoughts, Joel’s body moves as if he’s waking up - and in a hasty and rushed move, he jerks his arm away from you - as if he just went through the same train of thoughts you did when you woke up. “What the fuck” He groaned, looking at you in an.. Almost disturbed manner. 

“Fuck.. Uh, mornin’..” You peep out, embarrassed. Kicking yourself for not acting faster before he woke.

“Morning” he says in a rushed voice as he looks around, slightly panicked. None of you know what to say, an awkward silence hanging over you. He is quick to peel away from you to climb out of the tent. “We gotta get going” he announced.

“Y-yeah” You say, sitting still in the tent, processing the situation. When you have mustered enough strength, you crawl out of the tent too - stretching as you stand up. You pack up and walk alongside each other in silence, might as well have been miles apart. The weight of your unspoken closeness from the previous night's ‘cuddling’ lingers in the air, you were both a bit thrown off, sharing the occasional glances at each other, unsure of how to address what had happened, or whether it was better left unspoken. There wasn’t much to say, to be honest. I mean, what was there to say? 

You got quite accustomed to the silence, to hearing nothing but the sound of your footsteps, wet against the humid grass. You’d think that walking for hours on end without the distraction of conversation would be something that would bother you, it proved to do the opposite. Without it, It was as if the world around you had muted its colors and sounds, leaving only the barest minimum of sensory input - which made time somewhat fly by. The aching in your feet and legs slipped to the back of your mind. You wondered if Joel was quiet because he was doing the same. 

You also wondered what his thoughts were regarding this morning, and how you woke up. You didn’t talk about it, that’s obvious enough…but, what was he thinking about? Maybe he didn’t think about it at all - it was, after all, innocent, you rationalized. Was he also trying to decipher the mixed emotions you were feeling without giving them too much weight - since that might make them real, after all? You can’t deny just how safe and comfortable you felt, regardless of who it was. 

Joel spotted you glancing at him here and there, he was equally aware of the tension. He, too, couldn't shake off the memory; He couldn’t help but to replay the events of last night in his mind, wondering if it was merely a product of shared body heat or something deeper. I mean, he could have just pushed you away…yet the unexpected warmth of your body against his, the rhythmic rise and fall of your chest as you slept, your breath hot against his chest.. It had been an intimate moment, and he couldn’t help but…enjoy it. However, he was as stubborn as ever, unwilling to broach the topic nor delve into the act itself. Instead, he focused on the mission at hand, pushing the awkwardness aside, shaking his head, not wanting to think too much of it either.  

As you continued on the journey, the trees began to thin out, and you found yourself standing at the edge of a clearing, the sun going down behind a mountain up ahead. You looked at Joel, who seemingly had the same thought you did - it was time to find shelter. He took the map out of his bag and looked around. “We aren’t too far away from a safe house” he grumbled.

You nodded, taking out a map of your own, trying to help him in the search of said safe house. As you slowly approach the road leading to the building the weather began to change. Dark clouds gather in the sky, and the first few raindrops fall, pelting against your clothes. The urgency of getting under a roof became more apparent, so you quickened your pace. 

Your breaths are visible in the cold, damp air, and the water has seemingly seeped into your clothes - leaving you feel colder and heavier. The cold made your thoughts kept circling back to the tent. The unexpected warmth of Joel's body against yours.. ‘God damn it. Get a grip. it's not even day four, and you're losing your mind.’ You thought to yourself. 

Finally, you reached the safe house, which wasn’t what either of you had hoped for. It was an abandoned decrepit building, a relic of the world before the outbreak, with a roof that had seen better days. It was a stone building, partially hidden away by the tall unkept grass surrounding it, as well as tall trees huddling around it, vines growing on the walls. It was probably old 20 years ago, let alone now… The building was leaking from the roof and had gaping holes in the walls - making the shelter far from ideal. It offered some protection from the rain, but not much else. It was, however, better than getting drenched in the pouring rain and being exposed to the elements. You closed the door behind you and took a moment to catch your breath, looking around. 

“Well.. This is the best we've got for now” He finally muttered as the wind howled through the gaping holes in the walls. 

You look around and find it was pretty empty. There wasn’t any furniture, just a chair. Floor filled with scattered garbage and miscellaneous, dusty items from people who have been here before. The water is dripping from your clothes onto the stone floor beneath you, creating a puddle. "We need to get out of these wet clothes," he finally stated, his voice practical and no-nonsense. 

You knew he was right, but the timing of it made it slightly uncomfortable. He knew he was straining on the already strange atmosphere that has been looming over the two of you since you found each other in the brace of one other. However, you also knew the reality of the situation. Your pride was warring with the necessity of the situation. The chill in the air and the knowledge of the dangers of hypothermia prevailed, and rational thought found its way back to you. You have months left to travel with Joel - and undressing in front of him to ward off sickness should not be an embarrassing thing, it ensures your survival and should be nothing more - is nothing more.

He could see the hesitation in your eyes, as you shivered, teeth chattering. He looked around for any dry fabric he could find within the safehouse—tattered old blankets and worn-out jackets. It wasn't the most comfortable solution, but it would have to do for now. He picked up a jacket. “Here.” 

You nodded in agreement and began peeling off your drenched attire. Joel did the same, his back turned to maintain some semblance of privacy. Finally free from the soaked garments, you are quick to put on the jacket, zipping it, covering your body enough to feel more comfortable. You start wringing out the excess water from the clothes you wore, leaving a puddle of water there. You avoided even looking in the direction of Joel, who you know is (most likely) currently butt naked. Instead, you find a moth-eaten blanket in a corner of the room that the rain hadn’t reached. Shivering uncontrollably, you wrap it around your waist, covering your exposed legs. You could see a not so naked Joel who had found some pieces of clothing to cover himself, thankfully. He was now hanging his wet clothes against the singular chair that he moved to one of the few dry spots in the house, so you opt to do the same. The room was still far from warm, and the leaky roof didn't help matters, but, at least you were in dry clothes, if you can call them that.

You spot the ever so tiny wood burning stove in the corner of an empty adjoining room. You check if there’s any wood in there, and to your surprise there is - however, not much of it. Enough for tonight, and that’s all that mattered. You started a small fire and quickly huddled up against it for warmth. Joel walked into the room, as he’d seen the light from the fire from the corner of his eye. He nodded in approval as he silently walked towards you, sitting down next to you to also keep warm. You both sit there in silence, waiting for the clothes to dry. 

Joel broke the silence, his voice softer this time "We'll have to wait out the storm here, and then we can continue our journey." You nod, agreeing.

As the night wore on, the humidity in the room strangled the feeble fire you had managed to kindle earlier, ultimately snuffing it out. The temperature inside the safehouse plummeted, and it became apparent that you couldn't rely on the fire for warmth any longer “Damn it” You mutter, shivering once again, trying to revive the fire - to no avail. 

What was also apparent was that the two of you were so obviously treading around the one thing you knew would help warm you up, very much proven by last night. Unsure, feeling awkward, you didn’t know if you should bring it up. Proudly, you both sat there in silence. The memory of the previous night and the warmth that entailed lingered in the back of both of your minds. It had been an unspoken but undeniable source of comfort in the midst of the harsh world you inhabited, and now, with the cold seeping into your bones, and the urgency to get warm overtaking the awkward tension looming over you, the thought of that shared warmth became impossible to ignore.

Without saying a word, you shifted closer to Joel, seeking his body heat. Joel, initially surprised, looking over at you, understood the unspoken request and shifted to accommodate you. It was an unspoken agreement, a silent acknowledgment that you needed each other's warmth to survive the harsh, cold night. 

With a shared understanding of practicality and mutual vulnerability, you created a makeshift sleeping area consisting of zipped up sleeping bags, dry blankets and whatever else fabric you could spare that would dampen the solidity of the cold, damp floor. This was where you settled as you finally lay side by side. You tried to find a comfortable position, mirroring the way you had slept in the tent the night before, with him against your back. Your bodies pressed together, and your breaths synchronized in the cold darkness, neither of you speaking about it, rather you let your bodies instinctively gravitate closer, seeking the heat that the other provided. 

In the quiet of the night, as you shared body heat to stave off the biting cold, the tension that had lingered between the two of you began to seemingly fade. Despite the uncomfortable surroundings and your strained relationship, you both found a strange comfort in your shared warmth and the familiarity of each other's presence. There was no need for snark, nor sly remarks; pissing each other off. Neither did you have to discuss the somewhat uncomfortable, albeit innocent yet necessary, situation you’ve found yourself in. The cold was unforgiving, and your priority was to avoid hypothermia. You were, after all, nothing but two survivors making the best of the harsh and unforgiving circumstances given to you, finding solace and comfort in each other's company, even if it was unconventional.

He hesitantly kept his arms to his side. Joel broke the silence, clearing his throat, his voice barely a whisper, "I never thought I'd miss that damn tent." trying to diffuse more of the tension. 

You slightly laugh, feeling a slight cramp in your body from the duress of the situation. The laugh eased up some internal tension you didn’t even know you were holding onto. “It was for sure warmer than this” You chuckle. 

He smiled. And that was that. You were both admittedly exhausted, and drifted off into a very well-earned sleep, lulled by the heat radiating between the two of you. Secretly, you couldn’t help but to wish for the extra warmth that came from his arms around you, as it did yesterday, holding you impossibly close, keeping you safe in his big strong arms. Little did you know that he was thinking the same, but it was simply a line that Joel couldn't bring himself to cross. You had already navigated enough awkwardness and unspoken emotions that night. That didn’t stop him, however, from subconsciously doing so in his sleep - just as he did the night before. 

Morning came, and you were awakened by the sun shining through the window, and onto your face. To your surprise, you felt your body be wrapped in the warmth of Joel's embrace. He must have instinctively put his arm around you whilst he slept. At first, you felt a sense of contentment. It was strange, but also undeniable. It was a reassuring feeling, knowing that he was there, holding you tightly - just as you had secretly hoped. But, as your senses fully woke up, you became acutely aware of something else - a firm pressure against your back that couldn't be ignored. You froze, your eyes widening in shock, and your heart raced as you registered the presence of Joel's erection pressed against your back. Joel was still asleep, as far as you were concerned. His breath heavy and warm on your shoulder, light snores leaving his mouth. Your mind raced as you tried to process the situation. You two had already crossed so many boundaries during the night to stay warm, but this felt like an entirely different kind of boundary altogether. Was this intentional? Or just a physiological response to their proximity? 

Was there a sick, twisted part of you that engulfed your mind with fantasies of alleviating the pressure burning in the pit of your stomach with the (from what your back could feel was a very appropriately sized) dick prodding at your back? Yes. You were only human, after all. Were you going to do anything about it? No. You knew this was not intentional, not realistically. You’re a grown woman and know that he couldn’t control it just as much as you couldn’t control your deep guttural reaction to such an… event.

You debated over your next moves, unsure of how to navigate this uncharted territory. If you move away, he will wake up, realize he has a boner and think it scared you off. But if you lie there, hoping it goes away, and he wakes up with a raging boner still in full swing rubbing against you - he’d be mortified. Him, being a proud man would never live that down, and would probably not talk to you again, or at least not know what to say, in the midst of his own embarrassment. After yesterday, and the progress you made in your ‘partnership’, you couldn’t help but to dread the deafening silence that came with the impending awkwardness. You’ve been through so much already, and have yet to even get close to finishing this mission. So much left yet to go through. You have crossed so many bridges, this is just one of them. This was just a fleeting moment and not as significant as it might feel in the heat of the moment. It’s not a big deal, not really, just bodies doing body stuff. Or at least that is what you are telling yourself.

Carefully, you adjusted your position ever so slightly, shifting your body away from his rock solid member to relieve the pressure between your bodies, all the while ensuring that you didn't wake him from his peaceful slumber. It was a delicate maneuver to maintain the pretense of sleep, but you hoped it would be enough for you to potentially feign ignorance, just in case he was awake. You, flustered by the situation and the thoughts lingering in your (albeit perverse) mind, could not fall back asleep. Rather, you lied there letting your thoughts run wild. Couldn't hurt to indulge into harmless fantasy?

A couple of moments later, you could feel shifting next to you. Joel slowly woke up, feeling the oh so familiar throbbing that welcomes him in the mornings from time to time. Joel comes to his senses as he gently wakes up, quickly remembering the way he fell asleep against you and how much of a compromising position that would be for him right now. He quickly snapped his eyes open to see, to his relief, that you had moved away in your sleep, or at least so he thought. ‘Phew’ he thought to himself. He quickly sprung to his feet, leaving the room - hoping it goes away before you wake. He was not entertaining the idea of taking care of it, it could be too risky. 

Him waking up reminded you of his existence, which filled your lust driven mind with an enormous guilt and shame regarding your thoughts. He didn’t have control over that, and your insatiable mind went and ran with it. You quickly shook the thoughts off and tried to think of something else as you laid there, unsure how to proceed.. 

You laid still until you heard Joel packing his bag. You took it as an indication that you were out of the woods, and had dodged a bullet - even though the both of you are flustered by it, without the knowing that the other one knew. You get up, and start folding the cloth and blankets that made up your ‘bed’, and walked out to the room with the bags and packed. Joel didn’t say anything. 

“G’mornin’” You announce your presence. He, already hyper aware of it, hums as a response. You don't look much into it, relieved he isn’t treating you differently considering last night's sleeping arrangements. When you packed up, you put your backpack around your shoulders, your rifle around your neck and the rest of your gear clinging to the bag. You look at Joel, who is watching you as you pull the straps of the bag. You look up and nod. “Let’s go?” 

He nods. You’re off.

[barbatusart]

Hi!! Sorry if this is forward but I’m a queer gore comic artist that works in healthcare and did covid testing from 2020-2022 ish and its cool and weird to see someone with such a similar background.

I guess I don’t have a specific question but I wonder what your experience has been like. How you manage what can be an emotionally and physically challenging job with creating an immense body of comics. If you find any connection/inspiration from your job or if art and work are pretty separate.

Sorry- feel free not to respond I know thats pretty vague and personal. But glad to know you’re out there 🫡

love your work, and stay safe (I’m not even patient facing and covid just ripped through my department)

from colleague to colleague, glad you survived frontline work man 🍻 always a pleasure to meet someone else who was there & who also happens to love drawing bonkers stuff hahaha

i was working general urgent care for a number of years pre-pandemic (I Am Not A Doctor I Am Not An RN Disclaimer Disclaimer Disclaimer) & i took a lot of artistic inspiration from that job from both person to person bedside interaction & the overall kinds of wacko things that can happen to the body - lotta saline-hosing out lacerations & dodging projectile abscess drainage & the like. (we got a really bad mandolin hand one time & that was the one time i nearly had to tap out 😬) it was a really fun job & helped hammer in for me that sense of like, finding the fine line between caring too much (and becoming so personally invested and distraught that you can’t do your job effectively & risk alcoholism or whathaveyou at home) and caring too little (and becoming so hard-hearted that you forget patients are human beings who are afraid). i think finding that midpoint strengthened me as both medical staff & as an artist and writer.

i did not cope with COVID frontline well because it cut me off from humanity. i liked my old job because even if people came with serious stuff going on, they were coming to us and we could Help - and testing was not Helping anymore, it was an understaffed meat grinder. it was testing pointlessly on people who were going to be dead in 24-48h. i wound up throwing myself into a massive 1400 page comic project (SORTIE) just to distract from the reality of the situation & wound up burning out bigtime in a way im still trying to muddle through.

i tried doing an autobio comic about the COVID frontline experience (antigen* located over here if you’d like to read) but i couldn’t even get through it & it kind of falls flat in conveying what i was trying to convey. i may try again on that in another few years, but we’ll see

[n0phis]

WOOT ANOTHER CWILBUR DESIGN! by @polukhina-sonya :) this one comes with Lore

OK SO like. ur me . august 26th 2022. fan of dsmp for over a year who has a HUGE aversion to interacting with or creating fan content out of fear of the fandom n social media. u go to fanexpo with a friend’s family and, lo and behold, see an artist you’ve been lurking on’s booth! in person!

it was fucking EPIC i even saw cosplayers and. while i didn’t go for the sake of seeing DSMP, actually having the opportunity to compliment a big q cosplayer or talk to and buy a print from polukhina in the same techno shirt they were wearing and THEN find out i only narrowly nearly missed meeting linktoo really made me realize i wanted to be here, and rly involve myself in the fandom regardless of how terrifying and massive it was. i hadn’t drawn anything aside from doodles on scrap paper at work in god knows how long (a year or more), made my twitter account the day after fanexpo and only began to use it a week later during the utah finale. this is where the other ppl i accredit this account with come in :) mike maerids and clay clothmagictrick are two of the first people i recall interacting with during and after the finale. i drew actual fanart (albeit again, on scrap paper from work) and eventually whipped out my ipad to draw a silly convo i’d had as fanart, with my finger.

while memory issues do not serve me well and i genuinely only remembered i even *went* to fanexpo and saw anyone yesterday (or the day before?) i remember it now and i rly wanted to share that bcos its so fun and im so glad that a new apple pencil and so many cool people later and i’m here. :) this is gonna be the only one with a sappy story attached but im glad 2 share it

i still have the buttons and the quackity print i bought from polukhina then i just remembered :) second dsmp merch after the techno gg ez. this fandom is cool as hell and im so glad i got to remember why i came here LMAO

[sparklethoughtbubble]

I just noticed a lot of older drawings of uni have her gown kind of flare out at the bottom to make it kind of look like a dress!! that's awesome and I wish they would bring that back. It seems like a lot of details have been kind of forgotten about over time which sucks because kneeby's art style is awesome when kit is putting a lot of time into it (and they inspired some parts of my art style as well.) compare the 2019-2021 versions of the "barruni new year" drawing with the most recent one and you can see what I mean:

2019: Very stylized, excellent use of line weight, background details accent the main focus well, body language is easy to understand-- they appear to be leaning into each other. Their body types and face shape are clearly very different and makes them both look really cute in their own ways and they compliment each other perfectly (also notice the cool gown thing :]) Also uni looks really fluffy here!!

2021: The background is a little more intense, but not in a bad way. It's still very cohesive and makes sense for what the drawing is supposed to be about. (You can even see that the rainbows are cometcare colored-- very cool detail.) The background's rainbows kind of line up with where Barry and Uni's color fades out. I kind of like this more than the 2019 version, honestly. You can see that it's not as "sharp" as before, and there's a little less weight to the lines, but it still looks good.

2022: There is a lot to take in here. The glitter effect kind of makes the background look like a mess, but the blue overlay looks pretty nice. Barry and Uni's ears are nearly the same shape. There isn't really any line weight to this at all. Their feet look more like fins by this point and it's harder to tell where their feet end and their toes begin. Barry is supposed to be chubby, but while his legs are thicker than Uni's, his arms are the same thickness as hers and his stomach is flat.

2023 the sky is gone. millions of birds dead I don't have a lot to say about this one other than there isn't a lot of detail and the amount of glitter used feels like im going to choke on it. They've gone from hugging to doing a little waltz which is pretty neat, and Barry's feet are back to normal! Hooray! Line weight is nonexistant by this point and their face shapes are almost the same, but it's overall ok.

2024: what why are they so... small here? why does barry's gown open under his armpit? why does barry have the chin-nose like uni and doom have now? not to mention their poses are kind of stiff here This reminds me of those sticker packs with the reflective background. And I like that barry is visibly chubby here again. But Uni and Barry actually just have the same ear shape now and character-wise there is only as much detail as is "neccessary" so that every single glitter brush can be used on the background all at once. It's very strange

[aturnoftheearth]

top 5 places you’ve stopped on a road trip or while camping :]

omg okay dani said “top 5 places you’ve been” so for this one i will do stops along roadtrips :D

most love’s travel stops lmfao. in 2021 i made an offhand joke about “loves my beloved” bc “my beloved” was a huge meme back then and we went to one and i liked it so. the meme was born. and to this day everyone in my family will say “where’s the nearest love’s my beloved?” and we stop at sooo many on our trips

greensburg, kansas. we went in 2022 and actually stopped for the day, went to the museum there, and got ice cream at a nearby parlor. but basically the town was hit in 2007 by an ef-5 tornado and was all but destroyed. i believe that it was the first tornado to be classified as an 5 on the enhanced fujita scale due to it being introduced earlier that year. anyway, the town built back greener than most cities and towns in the U.S. and they have a museum there with pieces from the tornado’s damage, stories from survivors, the town pre-tornado, and how they built back. anyway i loved it!

golden spike tower in north platte, nebraska. my dad likes to go because it’s a train yard and he just sits and watches the trains but i love it because there’s an open-air observatory 6 stories up and i get to feel the wind in my hair and see the fields of crops for miles and it just feels so staunchly different from my home that i love it .

any wawa. i love the roadtrip vibes of a good gas station and store and this one has it !! plus i love getting delicious little drinks at a fair price and every time i walk into one i feel like im on vacation in central florida about to go to a theme park or beach house. probably because of the palm trees and also the fact that, before we got one near my sister’s old apartment, nearly every time i had been to a wawa was while in central florida on my way to a theme park or beach house (so 2 times lmfao) . omg and also for my destiel mutuals out there, going to a wawa immediately reminds me of early 2021 when my sister and i would walk there once a week to get a little treat for doing our schoolwork and me excitedly telling her the newest silly behavior or tea or whatever that was happening.

lebanon, kansas - HEAR ME OHT HOLD ON LSITEN. i think its beautiful that, because my sister and i were obsessed with spn in 2021 and managed to sneak us there via telling my dad that it’s the center of the geographical US, we now make an effort to stop there every year. like go out of our way to stop there. and my dad still doesn’t know that it’s because castiel supernatural died there.

[ratguy-nico]

I read this today and many thoughts came to mind so yeah this is another rambling.

'til this day I don't get over the fact that only last year we had the Last Season of The Owl House, the rushed end of one of the greatest series of the decade, that could have mark a new course for many series yet to come, the spiritual successor of another of the greatest series of all Gravity Falls.

The Owl House was released in 2020 just four years ago and it was cancelled in 2022, two years ago, presumable cause it had too much representation for Disney's taste.

This is obviousley not confirm, but everyone in the industry and Dana Terrace herself had made clear that this was the main reason.

All this just 2 years ago, many like to say we live in a time were LGBT+ community had all the representation they need, that everything is gay now days and and that this excess of representation is becoming tedious. And then this is a case from fucking 2 years ago.

It just so sickening, to think that yeah we have representation nowdays but it has to be a certain tipe of rep, it can not be too much, in the Owl House I think there was just one straight couple in the main cast, it has not to be too on the nose, gods forbid for the main character to be gay, lesbian, bi or the non existent trans representation, and it cannot be normal, if you are gay it has to be your main trait, your whole life, you have to have like many crisis as you can and have a whole out of the closet episode, it has to be the revelation of the century.

I still remeber Alex Hirsch puteando a Disney cause they didn't let him do many things he wanted with his own serie, among them the relationship betweenm the two town sheriffs, one of the cutest things in the show, and very funny too.

Alex Hirsch has always been very vocal about he's own despite for Disney as a creator that work for them. And thats why I love him.

I still remeber cartoon network forbidding Rebecca Sugar to say that the Gems were womans, cause that would imply that all the gems were lesbians and that was a totally No No for fricking Cartoon Network, the one everyone point when saying is only Disney the non inclusive one.

(why they never bring this back? what is wrong with Steven Universe?)

Though this end like a tiro en la culata which means backfire cause suddenly the gems were non binary or no gender which was fricking funny cause even more hard to explain XD

This also happened with Adventure Time, another Cartoon serie, were everyone was lost whith the Bublegum and Marcy kiss in the last episode, cause we were told they had a relationship in fricking Season 3 but no, they didn't tell explicitly that they were in a romantic relationship, cause you know... lesbian equal bad.

Their relationship keep getting explore and we had amazing episodes with this two navigating their feelings for each other, the past mistakes in their relationship and how to become better together. But all this while not telling us that they love each other, cause they weren't allow to tell us.

This is merely frustration on my part, I know we have better represantation nowdays, but... is not nearly enough, like I said, theres still close to non rep for ace or trans people, bisexual are getting better, though the rep still is plagued of horrible stereotype and fetization, but this is something lesbian and gays can have manage to avoid yet so what we expect.

So yeah we should celebrate our representation, and not let anyone tell us that is enough or too much, cause til this day the best ace representation I have seen comes from Todd from Bojack Horseman a serie from 2014 that ended in 2020, that set the bar and none had even try to fight, I hope Alastor become a better rep in this front, I really hope so. Lilith made an absolute great work, but sadley cause the serie was cut out we missed a lot of this character T^T

And Im not gonna talk about trans rep cause that's just sad.

I will always hold resentment to Disney cause of what they did to the Owl House, for sure, that something I hold near my heart everyday.

So yeah I totally use this persons post to talk about me me me, and I dont know them so prefer not to involve them in this.

And if you dont notice I keep this Animation Series only, cause theres too many series and I have not watch nearly enough, I know thers some with really good rep and others that are lit hot shit. So yeah the world is wild and full of shit.

Adventure Time 2010-2018

Gravity Falls 2012-2016

Steven Universe 2013-2019

Bojack Horseman 2014-2020

The Owl House 2020-2023