#it's natural to feel frustrated
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That post about guilt and shame only being effective as deterrents but not in inspiring anyone to change their behavior in any meaningful way got me thinking about those other posts about progressive circles consisting way too much of people not with a desire to do something right but instead with a fear of doing something wrong, and...
Yeah. Those two are related. Guilt and shame are the weapons of the status quo, designed to instill in everyone with a conscience a fear of failure, of hurting others, of being a bad person. And it's pretty fucked up when people are being shamed for that, since, well, shame doesn't inspire any meaningful change. So the problem persists, deepens, even. Since by shaming someone for not getting over that shame, you've now discouraged them from thinking about that instilled shame and maybe finding a solution.
It's shame and guilt all the way down. Perhaps shame and guilt could be used against people who tend to shame and guilt others in order to shame and guilt them out of shaming and guilting others? I don't know. And that's a true shame.
#random thought of the day#shame#guilt#toxic guilt#yeah it's a pickle#i kinda feel this way of thinking is deeply ingrained in the modern hyperindividualistic worldview#which ignores everything we know about humans as a social species shaped by our social circumstances#in favor of this very catholic guilt inspired 'stop being naughty' mindset that whips people into obedience never into self-actualization#as i wrote in the tags of the other post frustration is one of the most dangerous feelings since shaming and guilting starts there#if you look at the world around you and think you see the problem and the solution but others won't listen to you#it's natural to feel frustrated#the desire to shame and guilt others in a twisted way try to make them spring into action seems like a natural response#but it's stupid and wrong#shame and guilt are primarily ways to make yourself feel good in the moment to stroke that sense of superiority#i look back at how i was raised and i understand that a lot of the hesitancy and self-doubt and other paralyzing feelings are guilt#if you were raised to always doubt yourself always assume that you're in the wrong always take others at their word#you were raised to be a perfect victim#it's really hard to push through that and the metacognitive capabilities one must have to monitor all of that are staggering#meanwhile people who were raised through inspiration and motivation can be immune to guilt and shame#so what are we even doing here why is it so easy to fall back on a method that at best has little effect at worst increases the problems#there is a lot to say about this and i wish i had an answer but alas
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I saw your post about bugout bags and like ... bracketing the Gestapo Doorknock thing, when did the "correct" response to a natural disaster become to immediately flee and go into refugee mode? The negative fantasy here is heroically saving yourself while your idiot neighbors die, instead of making the kinds of community connections that people actually use to survive and respond to disasters.
I get what you are saying about community connections being the best path to resiliency, but you should very much flee from floods and wildfires when at risk, to name a few. Ideally while making sure your neighbors are also getting out of Dodge, all assuming there has been ample warning for this particular disaster. But sometimes, there are scenarios where you just have to go that very moment.
For all their talk of bugouts bags, I don't think the capital-P Preppers actually want to leave their home bunkers.
The same American Exceptionalism that causes people here to have Lone Wolf apocalypse fantasies also makes them think they can survive a hurricane in a coastal flood zone.
There is an element of humility required to leave one's home possibly permanently. But that's the key difference, here -- the Preppers aren't as interested in survival as they are in ushering in some kind of new World Order.
You see this type pop up every now and then as a hurricane sets its sights on a town -- the people who make it a big point to talk about what they'd do to a looter, should the Big One hit. These are folks who are not interested in becoming a refugee amd are fine with the risk of staying home, if it means they can shoot people from their little castles.
I also saw more mundane selfishness when I did hurricane rideouts for emergency operations in my old Florida city job -- part of our comms was to remind people that we could *not* send anyone out to help them peak-storm. Sometimes, fleeing (aka, saving yourself) is what keeps other people alive -- they don't have to risk their lives saving you because of your stubbornness.
So, I'm a bit skeptical of fleeing being a power fantasy. What's more likely to happen in a lot of natural disasters (especially those with lead times) is you either get renegade fools in clear danger refusing to leave, or uninformed folks not at risk who panic and think they need to evacuate when they should just hunker down. (And then there are the unfortunates who should evacuate and want to, but cannot because the system has failed them in some way.)
That said, for a longterm crisis, community absolutely is key. And even in a short-term crisis that requires an evacuation, one is presumably fleeing *to* some place that will have other refugees, and it's in one's best interests to build community even in these temporary conditions.
#chit chat#my bugout bag was prompted by a gas leak scare a few houses down#if it was real I would have had to evacuate immediately#so know the difference between when to go and when to stay and where to do the most good#as a veteran of hurricanes I get frustrated when people inland in safe houses feel the need to evacuate#because that makes it harder for the coastal folks to get to safety in time#tldr; the correct response for a lot of natural disasters is - yes - to fuckin flee#we call that evacuating#sometimes you won't get much notice
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Am I tripping or are many people misreading Mary Kirby's answer re: Spite's confusion about the almost-kiss between Rook and Lucanis?
Spite doesn't think Lucanis should have kissed Rook in that moment. Spite is a demon of “Gleefully not giving people what they want.”
Rook wanted Lucanis to kiss them. Lucanis didn't kiss them.
Spite, as a demon of nope, then goes: Yes! Good! You denied them! Wait. Why are you sad?
#I've seen so many people going 'aw spite is frustrated he wanted to kiss Rook too'#in response to that#and I'm extremely confused that's what they're getting from it#lucanis dellamorte#rook x lucanis#dragon age veilguard#veilguard spoilers#Even if Spite ends up fond of Rook in his own way#that doesn't mean he's going to be considerate of their feelings when something that satisfies his nature happens#at least in like the first half of the game#I think Spite does evolve in the end
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yall ever think Shen Yuan went through like, internet withdrawal after being transmigrated into Shen Qingqiu? Like, he's canonically a NEET shut-in who did nothing but spend his time online, you can't tell me that for the first week or first few weeks of being SQQ he wasn't twitchy.
Like, reaching instinctively to his pockets for a phone that wasn't there, having an obsessive itch in the back of his mind that he should check and see if X or Y novel or webcomic has updated -- only to realize he can't anymore and being irritated by it. Wanting to go and see if there's new posts about this or that, but again realizing that he can't.
When he's bored or uncomfortable or just feels like wanting to escape he tries to go for his phone to distract himself, but oops! Not there anymore, and now he has to find a new and different way to distract himself from his feelings. And going through system notifications, quests, etc only does so much.
And there's that Tetris Effect too. SQQ makes a mistake while writing and instinctively goes to backspace on it except hey-ho that's not a keyboard and now he just dipped his pinkie into a bottle of ink or on a still-drying letter.
With him scrambling to fix his reputation and learn how to be a peak lord, I think his abrupt cold-turkey from all things internet would just be another straw on the camel's back that he promptly Ignores until it goes away on its own after he acclimates to his new surroundings.
#svsss#mxtx svsss#scum villain#scum villian self saving system#shen yuan#shen qingqiu#i think him learning how to be a peak lord and cultivation and everything else would help distract him from the internet withdrawal for the#most part. but the moment there's a lull in the day and his mind wanders or he becomes bored or stressed and he instinctively reaches back#for his phone and realizes it isn't there it just sends a spike of panic/frustration/irritation through him because its a familiar comfort#and now its gone. like this is all based off my own experiences from being Chronically Online but i just think its neat to think about#in that same vein i think it also pushes him into getting into the arts on QJP. Like as the peak lord naturally he would be doing this kind#of stuff but hes NOT the peak lord but to keep up appearances he has to know how to do this stuff. and finds it??? actually quite rewarding#even more than getting into an argument online or getting a new merch item. he's making or doing this stuff. he starts drawing and finishes#a piece and regardless of its skill level he feels something unclog in his chest. like sediment being scraped off the bottom of a creek and#being washed downstream. a weight that's been slogging through his veins suddenly untangled. physical proof of his efforts that feels great#starry is incapable of NOT giving her favorite blorbos more hobbies. starry is incapable of not giving her favorites artsy hobbies#this is probably NOT a new or original thought whatsoever but im throwing it out there anyways bc it fascinates me. i love transmigration#and albeit i've only read isekai manhwa/manhua there's a common theme of the people there assimilating into their new lives relatively quic#which i know is for ease of transition and getting to the rest of the story. but WHAT IF.#i have still not read svsss yet and idk when i'll be able to BUT have some thoughts anyways
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Gareth Thomas returns - still running a car hire service, now inexplicably called Tom Lewis - in Public Eye: The Bankrupt (6.1, Thames, 1972)
#fave spotting#gareth thomas#roj blake#blakes 7#blake's 7#public eye#the bankrupt#classic tv#1972#thames#gratified to find that I'm not losing my mind and GT does return playing (surely) the same character even if it took longer to get there#than I'd recalled. i mean i suppose there could be two car hire services in Eton‚ run by identical twins with different surnames.. but i#think it's safe to assume this is intended to be the same character Gareth played back in 5.9‚ with the production team presumably having#forgotten what they named the character (or that they named him at all‚ i don't think the name is used onscreen)#his relationship with Marker is much friendlier here than it seemed in 5.9 but i think that could be easily explained simply by the two#having got to know each other a little better; Frank was already established as a recurring customer in the previous appearance so#a certain amount of familiarity between them after another year is only natural (and it has presumably been a year; i always get the#feeling with PE that it's intended to have unfolded in 'real time'‚ ie. the series don't pick up immediately after one another but with a#gap roughly the same as the amount of time the show was off air between series)#this is a solid series opener‚ a fairly small story of financial skullduggery that Frank has to untangle‚ naturally without any reward for#himself. even his work on behalf of GT is pro bono‚ fairly unusual and suggesting that perhaps there is some genuine friendship between the#two and not just the surface level cordiality of two men whose work often throws them together. still‚ Frank's on spiky form#particularly once the case starts to frustrate him; this is a spiky series‚ actually‚ and the character has arguably begun a shift into#something approaching short tempered grouchiness... he's still Frank tho‚ bless him
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people who complain about the length of skip beat are cowards tbh. personally i would read 1000+ chapters of kyoko mogami being an insanecrazygirl forever and ever. because i have Taste.
#in all seriousness i could go on and on#about how the nature of skip beat's plot makes it impossible for it to be wrapped up in the 'normal' shojo runtime#and it feels perfectly natural that it's going on for so long - even if i can understand the frustration of longtime readers#but Whatever#i'm the first to complain about stories that go on for far too long but ALSO as someone who's read way more shonen than shojo#300+ chapters for a manga feels like nothing if i'm being honest. especially when there are barely any fillers and both the main characters#have really lofty goals and major conflicts that need a long-form storytelling format to be worked through#txt#skip beat
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Still think about Mo Xuanyu from time to time. Like what the fuck. What a nothing burger. You learn little rumors here and there about him. That he's gay, mentally ill, harassed fellow disciples, had incestuous feelings for his brother, and was kicked out of his community because of it, ect.
And you think "wow, this novel about how bad rumors and mob mentality is is so interesting! Everyone has a different truer side to them that is hidden by public perception! Can't wait to learn the twist about the mentally ill incest pervert gay man who's body the protag is occupying! I bet it's a classic case of the guy being found out or thought of as gay, and then gross rumors like incest that caused him to be kicked out of his community was added on later. because historically queer people were oppressed and ostracized because they were seen as obscene, incestuous, pedophile perverts, ect by homophobes. Wait, what's that? We learn jack shit about him? All the rumors are never confirmed or denied 100 percent? Most likely everything we know about him is true? No canon typical empathy flashbacks? He's just... Not a character we need to think about?"
It makes me insane. Welcome to mdzs, we have gay people like wangxian and uhhhh *looks at smudged hand* More Xanax.
#this was just personally what my reading exp was like#so dont come after me if you thought it was paced perfectly fine!#this doesnt mean i want mo xuanyu to be the perfectest bestest little boy. im not cancelling mxtx. but some more context would be nice.#he really did harrass people? he is gay and had the incest dreams? he wasnt a good person? thats a-ok with me. but give me more info plz!!!#mo xuanyu feels like a blackhole that the plot refuses to go near. its frustrating. youd think a character like him would haunt the narrativ#like shen jiu did in svsss prior. but mdzs refuses to do that and takes every step to make sure that doesnt happen.#even tho it would feel so natural if he did. since ww is LITERALLLY piloting his body.#perhaps mxtx decided not to since she did previously do it with shen jiu? so she had no interest in repeating plot threads twice?#you do you queen but i wanted more😞#mdzs#mo xuanyu#throwaway post
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is this the part where i say i like jaymel . bc i do

#as w other shows idrc about the pairings that much bc who gaf but#i do like them .. or did . idk i guess jayce is dead n gone 4ever I CANTT#but i like how it started out as a transactional / political thing#give me hextech and ill give you prestige/renown#and then it snowballing in2 something more organic and genuine thanks in large part to external circumstance#that allows them to look inwards and actually appreciate that mutual and consistent support#i Also like . that they stumble a bit .. having never talked ab the nature of their initial relationship > jayce’s time in the rune#and how it left him feeling embittered and resentful to the point where his trust towards her withered a bit#and mel feeling frustrated and indignant that he’d think so lowly of her/that she’d conspire against him etc etc#to then pointing out his own careless behavior/thought patterns . equals pointing fingers#them having changed so much over the course of the series .. ^__^..#ngl they do feel kind of forced / convenient as far as the writing goes and im rly only thinking ab the meat of s2 here#but i like to think the vers i hold in my head had they more dialogue or exposition isnt ooc#i dont hate jaymelvik or anything but melvik have hardly any interaction 4 me to care ab the prospect of them tgether . i do like jayvik#though but i also like the third option of no one w viktor bx again not my priority#goikg on a tangent when no one asked#no but changed jaymel. traumatized s2act3 jaymel . yuuppppppp👆👆‼️‼️ yuuuupp#they are cute .i think they are so cute#jayce#mel#arcane#jaymel#arcane spoilers
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do you ever think about how kevin's injury messed up more than just his exy playing for a while? like yeah obviously that's what he was most concerned and upset about for his own reasons, but as someone who's broken their wrist and been in a cast for it multiple times, i know that shit is so annoying lmao; having to shower with a plastic bag over the cast and extending your arm out of the water weirdly just to make sure it doesn't get wet, accidentally whacking it on things because maneuvering is hard when you're operating on instinct to use a hand you can't right now, it not feeling secure to do really anything with that hand because you don't have proper grasp and balance in it with it plastered up like that -and that's all just a simple broken wrist.
this boy's hand was shattered, he had to have surgery and do probably pretty extensive physical therapy. doctors told him he'd likely never use his hand again and yeah kevin heard and focused on "you'll never play exy with your dominant hand again" which came with its own internal stuff but on top of that he was a student still, just a kid really with a whole lot of life still to [in theory] live and things to do day to day. and he had a hand he probably couldn't even lift his textbooks with for a while there, or that would have muscle spasms and shake through holding a fork to eat the day after a long physical therapy session, or that would be particularly tense and sore on a random cold rainy day even months after he was released from pt appointments etc. etc. and i just know that made things worse for him to feel potentially inadequate in more than just the sport he was never supposed to feel that way in too
#kevin day#aftg#rambling about kevin feelings again what's new#but also can you imagine how frustrating that is#to not only have the sport you love and were good at stolen from you. the very thing you think MAKES you who you are.#but then you can't even shower like a normal person. can't even lift a stack of books like you usually would.#have uncomfortable as hell twitches and spasms in a part of your body that didn't used to be there#ones you can't control and that also remind you of the injury in the first place#an injury that in and of itself was wildly traumatic in nature because of the physical damage it did but also because of WHO did it to you#crazy work. fucking crazyyy work#anyway#filed under: kevin day character study#shut up kay
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what is bothering me about the title of goblin is of course the order of the adjectives. the lonely and great god. this sounds unnatural in english, i'm not sure if it's because of syllable count or because of the meaning/type of the adjectives, but it should be the other way around. the great and lonely god. the once and future king. you could get away with putting lonely before great if they were separated by a comma instead of "and", thus making "lonely" seem to be modifying "great god" rather than both lonely and great modifying god in an equivalent way, but there's an "and" in there so never mind. i plugged the korean title into google translate and i see that they've just kept the order that the adjectives were in in korean, which is disappointing because if that weren't the case it would allow me to believe that they had done it on purpose for some effect, like to really call attention to the fact of his loneliness through unnatural phrasing that makes it impossible for you to not spend time thinking about the word "lonely". but no it's just that they translated it and then no one was like hey this sounds kinda funky. ah well.
#the only reason i'm so annoyed by this is that i'm reading this french book about style written in the early 1900s#that is driving me a little insane and it is completely unrelated to the english title of this korean show from 2016 (obviously)#except that i'm now spending all this time thinking about what makes things sound natural or unnatural in a language#and i'm finding it a very frustrating experience because this french guy keeps saying that something 'blesse l'oreille'#and i'm like brother what are you on about. that sounded fine and normal to me??#he's like naturally all the best french authors avoid alliteration and assonance because they blesse l'oreille. and i'm like ??????#alliteration? alliteration is a tool my dude. used to achieve certain effects#it is not appropriate for all effects. sometimes it is distracting in a way that is counter to the author's intentions#but just like a blanket statement on never putting similar sounds near each other?what the FUCK are you talking about.#and like certainly some of this is that i don't have a native speaker's instincts in french. and i recognize that those do exist#like i have a native english speaker's instincts about what sounds natural which is why i feel so strongly about the title of goblin#(though of course there are different dialects so it's not like my instincts are everyone's)#so i know that some of the things this guy is saying that don't make sense to me probably make sense to a native french speaker#but then he says this shit about fucking ASSONANCE like that doesn't exist internally in REGULAR FRENCH WORDS??????#(let alone basically all of my favorite french words to say! because guess what i fucking love repeated sounds and i love that french#has so many of them. god! read an entire dictionary aloud and GET BACK TO ME DEAD FRENCH GUY)#and i'm like can i trust you or not. is this just prescriptivist bullshit or not. are you full of shit or not!!!#my posts#syntax#anyway. i have spent so much time thinking about the lonely and great god that at this point maybe i should just assume they did it#on purpose. aw you sly dog you got me monologuing about how lonely he is! good one
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oo u want 2 draw soo bad..

#i hate that my ability to draw is so conditional#its soo frustrating but i dont know how to break it. this has been the one thing thats never changed.ill never be free#times like rn i just do studies but its soo fking BORINGGG euuhh...#but if i try 2 draw something for funsies i just stare at the blank canvas. literally immobile. & u know how people r like just draw#something anyways. a line. something. and its like no i cant do that oi cant even do that u underestimate my freak#i want 2attack myself from the pov of someone else#i think im having the realization tht i will never be able to do art stuff frls and its driving me crazy i think.#like im actually sick and unwell frm the thought of it.my friend commissioned me and im ab 2 send the money back#after two weeks bc i cant do it im literally frozen dude.i want 2 cry and die and explode into a million pieces#wait im back to add more.idk if anyone feels the same way but its like. i know its entirely a Me issue its a mental block issue#theres something thats not connecting in my head but its like.why is it so easy for everyone else ykwim...and thats a lie too right#like everyone else struggles w art and its not.it cant exist Without you struggling and practicing hard and trusting yourself#but in my brain im just convinced that like.i cant do this i cant do this like everyone else can do it like second nature and it freaks me#tf out#but also its the one thing i want to do more than anything else in my life and so like if i cant do it i dont know what to do.ughh.#not me freaking the fuck out rn lawl.lols.even#and on top of it i feel like i cant express myself well and i think my friend. < SOOO awesome and well meaning and NICE and legitimately#pushing me to try and believe that i can do this stuff but i feel like they wont understand the sort of like.mental block im struggling wit#like its less that i hate my art or something i dont its more like.i just feel soo physically restrained and incapable of doing it.suddenly#i cant think and i cant do anything.i have no creativity i have no ideas my mind is quite literally blank and empty
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Shep & Eve from this book are killing me.
#my post#(ready or not by cara bastone)#it’s a sweet book but my goodness!!!#just tell each other how you’re actually feeling!!!#seriously what is the point of not saying Anything to each other about your growing romantic feelings like WHAT 😭#it’s making you both misreable BECAUSE you’re not sure what the heck your relationship is!!!#because you are not communicating!!! at all!!!#heck it’s making ME misreable as the reader because PLEASE#PLEASE JUST COMMUNICATE!#grates on me so hard when characters are like ‘omg i think i am in love with this other character. i will not say anything about this ever#and instead let my feelings consume me and then i will become constantly anxious around them and i will be confused all of the time because#there are no clear lines or boundaries in this relationship and i’m not sure if we’re romantic or platonic AND#the person i’m crushing on doesn’t even know what i’m thinking/going through because I AM NOT TELLING THEM A FLIPPIN THING#what is to gain from this misery!!!#this is fascinating to me as well because i JUST finished another book with a very similar premise#as in: character A is crushing hard on character B but refuses to communicate that#but with that book it actually worked well?#because there were understandable reasons for WHY she felt like she couldn’t speak up#and also. both characters were literally in high school#they’re naturally not GOING to have the skills to communicate that mature adults have#but in the book i’m reading now!! both characters ARE adults! and they’re still absolutely refusing to communicate!!#it’s frustrating!
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The end of a fandom fixation is such a bittersweet feeling. It’s like a fever breaking; you were in the throes of it for a year, two years, however many, it’s all you think about, you want to discuss it and create for it and relate everything back to it, it’s the constant running background noise of your brain. And then something happens or maybe nothing happens. And one day you realize that you don’t really care like that anymore. You don’t feel the desire to check the Tumblr tag or keep up with the AO3 tag and the fan conversations spinning ideas about it don’t give you the urge to join in. You sit down to your fanfic WIPs and don’t really see the point. You’re looking forward to the next installment but don’t feel the need to Do Fandom about it. It’s gone from your Fandom back to a thing you just like.
#Maybe I’m just being whiny and morose and System Collapse will kick me back into gear#But also it’s just kind of natural life cycle of a fandom fixation#It happened to Zero Escape. It happened to Ace Attorney. It happened to Metal Gear. It happened to Wolf 359.#I feel like it keeps happening to me right when I’m in the middle of (co-)running a major fandom event tho#which is. kind of a frustrating pattern that that keeps happening
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saw one of my con friends post a cease and desist in 3 languages on twitter because someone colored and reposted one of their artworks and all I could think was petit bourgeois behavior... I fear I need to get a real job I can't stay like this anymore. this + the reaction to the gh*bl* trend I think is really bringing out the worst of the online freelance artists...
#just thinking thoughts...#I don't know... it's all so surreal to me#I was drawn to posting things online because it meant people could see it for free#like online manga scanlations are all free you know? I think in a perfect universe everything should be like that#it's just so weird that people are now going NOBODY CAN PLAY WITH MY TOYS anymore about it#like brother was the point not everyone being able to play with your toys?#there is just such an intense lack of historical context among online freelancers it's so frustrating#like you all would have been haters when photography and collage and dadaism came around.#and you would have been on the wrong side of it. AI is literally just another iteration of this.#there is no 'spark of the artistic spirit' you stupid slut! ! ! !#PLUS THE GH*BL* THING IS DRIVING ME CRAZYYYYYY#I'm seeing posts like 'm*y*z*k* is trying to say that art is about HUMANITY!!!'#brother. he could not acknowledge the humanity of the victims of japanese imperial violence what are you talking abttttttttttt#be objective. don't let the fact you like something cloud your judgement abt it.#like I like bm for sure but as I'm learning more about things I'm growing more convinced that the work is trotskyist in nature#and I'm not sure I agree w trotskyism. but you gotta be able to look and see what's actually there#and it just really feels like people are willfully being ignorant abt myzki.
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It’s not going to be long before we’re walking in the dark, huh
#Henry#there was an off lead border collie at the car park of the nature reserve when we arrived today#its owner was sitting at a picnic table and looking at their phone completely ignoring what their dog was doing#managed to get Henry into the reserve proper and on a walking track without any dramas so that was something#but! we had to turn around and leave fairly soon after we arrived because something came up#and when we returned to the car park the owner was sitting in their car with their door open while their dog ran around the car park :)#it was literally circling my car and there was no way to get around it#then it saw us of course and locked on to Henry and started stalking him#I’m so frustrated. how inconsiderate can one be. they knew I was there! they saw me arrive!#I had to yell at them to come get their dog and I’m lucky they heard me. I’m not a loud person. I don’t like yelling#just a stressful end to a stressful week you know#I feel bad for Henry he didn’t get much of a walk and he had that stressful dog encounter#he did okay at that though. I feel like in the past he would’ve been Screaming at it but he was content to snuffle for treats#only growled a little towards the end when it really got close before they grabbed it
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