#it's marked as unfinished because i plan on writing more chapters but it can still be read as a standalone

[crispy0nion]

apparently i never shared my drifteris fic on here?? i wrote this earlier this year and honestly it remains my best work to date, plus it's officially approved by drifteris CEO moon (and based on prompts they gave me specifically for it). anyways live love laugh drifteris

[slowd1ving]

Hi! If you're not taking reqs then feel free to ignore this but could you write Kim dokja angst? Maybe we're switching the roles and the reader is dying instead of dokja for once lmao

HOUSE OF CARDS ゜・KIM DOKJA

"A house made of cards, like the fools we are." In which a gambler finally pays the price for his bet. never actually written angst so I hope this is good enough anon art creds to kim28_dokja on twt! pairings: kim dokja + gn reader warnings: blood, injury, death, references to child abuse/dokja's past wc: 2.4k

ORV MASTERLIST

MASTERLIST ・゜・NAVIGATION

Dokja is shit at games. 

It’s clear to the dealer. Even on the best day, those omnipotent palms that allocate fate will grow clammy (which they never do) and that ever-present smile slowly turns into a profound grimace. They know. They feel it instinctually, on a cellular level: that hand was terrible. 

It’s clear to the people around him. The salaryman stumbles into the building as though he’s just learned to walk: in never-polished shoes, slacks that perpetually crease further with each nervous wipe of his hands, and the clinging scent of smoke that preludes his entrance. He’s not got his life together, they observe, behind stony poker faces he can never quite master. That’s why he’s here.

Most of all, it’s clear to Kim Dokja himself. Every irregular heartbeat pulses in his throat as he gazes at his cards—two seven offsuit. In his sweat-streaked fingers is the short straw urging him to enlist. On the table before him are all his chess pieces, lined up neatly: spectators to the constant check, his inevitable downfall. 

Despite his atrocious luck, the thin red string binding him to this world never quite severs. A fire befalls the casino. A bullet embeds itself in the shell of his helmet and not a hair further. The chess game is postponed by a phone call and the poignant sound of shattering glass—and Dokja is left to shoulder the limbo of an unfinished game.

He’s shit at games, but never truly loses. 

Is it simply up to chance? A coin is tossed into the air: another foolish plan devised, another chip placed that equates to one of his lives. Crisis after crisis—Dokja, that harbinger of misfortune—yet each time, he resurrects. He bets on it, in fact: quite literally gambling away everything. 

It is just how things are. He cuts corners. He smooth-talks the fates into letting his transgressions slide just a little longer. For once, he’s winning, and the grand prize is something beyond his wildest dreams—an ending, to mark the indefinite uncertainty of chapters that seem to grow like nebulae. 

“Dokja.” It’s a sigh each time when he defies the end. Anyone else would interpret it as exasperation, but he likes to think he knows you better than that; it’s relief you greet him with, no matter how many times he sacrifices himself. “You idiot.”

It’s nice to know his long-time friend cares about him. 

No matter how many times he places his bets, the value of his life never seems to deprecate for you. Sacrifice is something you’d rather avoid (so does he, but it cannot always be helped, right?). If Dokja’s life can be used to save more of the people he cares about, all the better. 

In fact, he’d rather keep you away from any front line. 

There’s a story of its own between the two of you: years of scraped knees and violence, of gazing up at your shoulders while you bruise your knuckles with whoever bruised his eye, of friendship pacts forged with spat-on palms and corded bracelets. 

Your very soul is entwined with his scrawny one from years past, and it’s always been the case that yours has fought the battles in his stead. ‘Why?’ he’d once asked, and he still vividly remembers the cool response you attempted to give, only to end up fumbling the words. 

Because I can. Because I want to. Because you deserve it. 

It’s his turn to repay his debts. These fights are no longer about a bloodied mouth and spitting red onto the asphalt. They don’t end with bruised ribs and broken noses. 

You sit out. This one, he thinks grimly, is his fight—one that will guarantee both you and him turning the page on ◼◼◼◼◼◼◼◼. Every factor has been considered. Each risk is carefully mitigated at the expense of himself. None of the contingencies fail to prioritise his oldest friend. 

These are chips he cannot afford to bet on. 

Naturally, he keeps them close to his chest. 

゜゜・

Dokja is shit at games. 

His friends know it all too well. Those disbelieving laughs they let out, their fists clenching and unclenching as they debate whether to hit him across the head—Dokja, the herald of despair, he is—and finally the rush of words leaving their mouths like air deflating from a balloon: “Never do that again.”

All in, his chips go—each and every time. There is no other way about it: not unless you shackled Dokja to you in vain to make him listen—to stop the endless deaths he goes through. Over and over, until you feel his mind wear into recklessness, until you see the emptiness that taints his eyes as he slips into quiet contemplation.

How will Dokja die this time?

You’d rather erode into nothingness than clip his wings, though. That book he gushed about to you (syllables rushing over themselves in his excitement each update) gave him back his life—if you ruin his painstaking ◼◼◼◼◼◼◼, you don’t think you could forgive yourself.

Even if he’s ratcheting to Icarian heights. Those feathers of his are beginning to streak wax-hot down man-made frames, made of pages upon pages of a book obsolete to all but one dedicated reader. 

You think he can see the pain in your eyes, before he turns away with lips pressed together tightly. You’ll be safe, he reassured you. You’ve got me. I’ll create an epilogue for you to witness. 

Dokja’s changed. 

Those scrawny shoulders have become something that the very sky settles on: ones that no longer shake behind your own arms. The world has bruised you, and Dokja shall bruise it back. Every favour, repaid tenfold. 

Dokja’s changed. 

He’s still got the same facade of the boy you’ve called your oldest friend. If it weren’t for that, you’d think the man who coldly settles his death were a stranger. Someone you never shook hands with, childishly grimacing at the remains of a spat-upon pact rubbing into small palms. 

Dokja’s changed. 

He thinks he no longer causes misfortune with each risk he takes—as if his life were a mere trifle, as if each shred of news about him doesn’t shatter your heart over and over. 

When will it end? 

You haven’t seen him for months. 

Is it finally time to grieve?

゜゜・

Dokja is shit at games. 

It seems you are too. He turns the page of his book, and beside him the house of cards is carefully stacked on the glass table. It’s a precarious matter: high stakes against yourself, an unsafe tightrope that threatens to give way any moment now. 

Your eyes meet his. 

Like magic, the house collapses. 

゜゜・

You are shit at games. 

You take a deep breath, and begin organising what could be the final legacy of Dokja. It’s something he treasured even over his life, evidently: the ending, which you allow into your soul in the Kim Dokja-shaped hole left behind. 

It’s the first time you take a gamble: carefully picking up the shards of his ideas while rivulets of blood run down your fingers. It’s your turn. 

The battlefield in the scenarios is a sanctuary: white noise washing out Dokja’s ever-persistent voice in your head. There’s a perpetual, acrid smell of ash and smoke—a reek that is far better than the dust of buildings Dokja leaves you behind in. 

It’s hard. 

Gambling is not for you; in the sense that it sickens you, rather than just invoking disaster like it does for Dokja. The only good thing about it is that Dokja’s dream is finally being realised—a tribute to your oldest, dearest friend. Like funerary wine, metallic iron fills your mouth (a once-familiar taste) with each battle, every step closer to the story Dokja wove for you. A fabric so salient you couldn’t help but be entangled in it. 

I can do it. That is your gamble. 

You do it. 

You cut down monsters the size of buildings. You cling to life with bleeding fingernails, scraped raw with tenacity. Tentatively, you begin fleshing in the husk of yourself: talking with the friends you made in the apocalypse once more.

And like Dokja, you begin defying death. 

It starts off small—an arrow that you saw coming but didn’t feel like dodging. Jung Heewon almost blew a gasket when she took a glimpse, but then her eyes met yours—filled with the same distance that Dokja’s were, as though you too were peering through an impersonal screen—and she looked away for a brief moment. 

“Idiot,” she whispers. “Don’t treat yourself like Dokja.”

Your chips pile up. 

Except, you don’t quite have the same privilege that your dearest friend has. 

You will incur the cost, rather than somebody else. There is a reason Dokja is called a harbinger of ill fortune to others, and you are not. In the end, your downfall will be at your own hand. 

“Fool,” Yoo Joonghyuk grimaces as he cuts down a wolf you let claw your arm. The coppery stench is thick in the air, but there seems to be a manic grin on your face as you slice and chop and stab: a madness that slowly spreads like illness through your body. “There is nothing more worthless than sacrifice without cause.”

The debt accrues. 

Kim Dokja dreams of your knuckles, bloodied once more as you stand to face the world. But, it’s just a dream. 

He bets on it. 

゜゜・

You are shit at games. 

Bitter, arterial blood congeals on your hands as you try in vain to staunch the flow. There is nothing quite as caustic as the realisation that you fucked up, because now all the signs of your hamartia are clear. 

The house has long collapsed—it’s that final card that still hasn’t hit that glass table yet. 

Is this what Dokja feels? The thought runs wonderingly through your sluggish mind. Is it what he felt, you mean to say, but your throat grows thick whenever you speak about him in the past tense. You can’t quite accept the reality that he’s gone. The shock anaesthetises your mind: cradling your neurons with such gentleness that it’s hard to conceptualise you’re about to follow him to wherever he’s gone. 

Will I see him again?

Everything reeks of iron: from the massive corpse on the ground, to the claw impaled through your abdomen. It was inevitable. You’ve grown tired of the endless fight, and it’s cost you dearly. 

Your chest heaves desperately. 

Dokja. 

“Dokja,” you croak, collapsing onto the rubble freshly decimated. Despite the rough surface, your blood-slicked hands scrabble for purchase on the concrete—something that doesn’t quite feel like you’re the one puppeteering your strings. 

Deliriously, you watch as the same hand urgently attempts to apply pressure to your wound; it goes against rationality, but then again you’re not really yourself anymore. 

“Dokja?” you try again. Perhaps if you speak loudly enough—syllables soaked with sanguine that dribbles from your lips—you’ll be able to reach your dead best friend. 

There is a pressure behind your eyes. 

It may be tears; it may be an unwelcome guest in your head. 

It’s too late, you think. He’s dead, and soon I will be too. 

“Dokja,” you whisper, and there is salt on your tongue as you feel your limbs grow colder. Everything hurts—your pounding head, the thrum of your pulse as you marr the asphalt with crimson, and finally that stupid bleeding heart of yours that swears you can hear the spirit of your oldest friend. 

You can’t die, you think he says—a quiet scream drowned out by the static of your mind. 

“I’ll see you soon, though,” you slur, and the weight in your mind lifts—blurring and coalescing into a mirage you could recognise blind. 

Frigid fingers pass through the hologram, and you smile, bittersweet. 

“Dokja,” you breathe. “It’s been almost a year since I last saw you.”

His hands grasp your shoulders desperately, though his frantic mouth goes unheard upon your ears. You… can’t… die, his lips read—but that’s silly, you think. Doesn’t he want you to meet him again?

Horns curve out of his head, while his wings fluff out—shoulders shaking, with an expression you’ve only seen once on his face before. Utmost grief, when he came soaked in congealed blood and a haunted look in his eyes: murmuring she killed him, over and over. 

He’s your best friend. He was your best friend. 

Kim Dokja has lost his final gamble, and the bullet in the chamber has finally been spun into place for you too. 

“I can see you soon, right?” you murmur—there are cold fingers brushing against your forehead, and you think death is unexpectedly gentle. 

His lips wobble. 

Incorporeal fingers trace the tear tracks on your face—ones that mirror the slow stream of salt from his own eyes. You didn’t even notice—too caught up in the gradual greyness that spreads through each vessel, weaving through sinew and bone and brain. 

“I did a good job, right?” Your sword rests across the ground, heavy after almost a year of fighting. “Maybe it’ll help with the ending that you wanted.”

Dokja’s face crumples, and you can feel your own throat growing thick. Dokja, I’m scared, you want to admit. For the first time in your life, there’s a choking fear that grips you as the red surrounding you blooms into a field. 

Your own wings are rapidly coming apart. 

“Dokja, I don’t want to die,” you mumble. Struggling, you curl and uncurl your hands into fists, but you can no longer feel them. 

“Dokja,” you try again. You can no longer see him, but whether it’s from the salt clouding your vision, or the haze of limbo, you cannot tell. 

There is a phantom pressure that lingers on your face. 

“Dokja,” you gurgle, mouth iron-hot with arterial blood. “Don’t leave me alone—please.”

No response is given, but that sepulchral presence seems to remain—this time, those hands brush and cradle your face. 

You cannot tell if it’s him or death itself, but you don’t think death would kiss you like that. 

As if he could possibly breathe life back into you, his ghostly lips move against yours. Desperately, so urgently you half-wonder at his panic. 

Dokja, you want to ask. You’re already dead, right?

Right? 

With the final scraps of your vision, you watch as he pulls back—his tears pattering across your face—watch as his mouth moves for a final time.

I can’t live without you.

But by then, it is too late.

The words go unheard, and Dokja is alone once again.

[manonamora-if]

July Check-In

Welp... I'm late. Also it's already the half-year mark and I don't have my usual Mid-Year recap review, so we're doing this for now, and we'll see if I can squeeze a proper MYR later this month.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I FORGOT LAST MONTH????

Celebrating my 3-year anniversary of publishing Meeting the Parents, my first IF game ever. I wanted to do something special and then... I FORGORRRRRR ; _ ; I'm buuuuumbed about it :((((

Anyway... Onto the usual index:

Recap of last month’s progress

Plan for the next month

The mega to-do-list tm that hasn't really changed.

Still long post under the break. If you want a mini version, head on over to itch.io as usual!

May Progress

Pulling out THE LIST from last month and checking the progress:

Play more games ✅

Well, that's always a check, because there's no month without a @neointeractives jam lol. Anyway, June was Neo-Twiny Jam month, so was mainly that (unfinished thread). And of course, I finished the REALLY BAD IF jam (Review Thread and Ranking). But, I didn't manage to play more than that.... :(((

Almost 700 reviewwwwssssss. Dang.

Code Chapter 6/Endings❌

I've done another round of comment with MelS, but we're still missing a branch before I can code it. But I'm not too worried about that bit, since Chapter 6 will have pretty basic coding.

Fixing an older games. ❌

Lololol, listen... I tried, but only managed 1/3rd of the Tomato game to be done.

Write the next Chapter/Scene of a WIP❌

Lololol pt2 The writing of Exquisite Cadaver stalled this month. But I picked it up again.

What else happened this month????

Wayyyy too many distractions this month. First IRL (which is good). But also... events.

This months, we had the Neo-Twiny Jam (@neo-twiny-jam) which we are wrapping up, and I've been reviewing, and also participating in. There was also the Nouvim3000 (so I don't forget how to write in French), and a bunch of smaller jams which I jammed into some entries.

So, what does it look link in terms of releases:

The Lady with the Camellias (NTJ - Infrom 7 - prototype)

L’Incombustible 3000 (Nouvim/Marmelade - Twine -FR)

machina caerulea (4 jams - Twine)

Bon Dieu ! Et une lessive aussi ? (NTJ - Moiki - FR)

I've been looking back at previous releases of mine, feeling a bit nostalgic. Thinking of writing some stuff (post-mortem) about them. I don't know...

So... I didn't stick TO THE PLAN AT ALL. Which is a big bummer... because the stuff I wanted to do in July will need to get postponed again. I'm not happy with myself about that. Even if I think I made some killer tiny games this month and played some hella dope stuff... But, it's done. I can't change the past... So I'll try to do better in July instead.

Also, I did have some great relaxing days where I essentially napped or walked outside all day, and just... not being online. That was v nice!

The PLANtm for July

Obviously first is to wrap up the NTJ properly (admin), and start off the SingleChoice Jam and the SeedComp! again. The Anti-Romance Jam is ending soon as well, and the IFComp has just started. So, you'll probably see me on the IntFiction Forum more this month for all of that. And the next two weeks I still have some IRL obligations.

BUT, here's THE plan for the month:

Play more games: Which will be done v easily: 30+ NTJ entries left to review, the Anti-Romance Jam, Love/Violence Jam, the Nouvim, and the ParserComp also just ended. So that's a bunch!

Code Chapter 6/Endings: I don't think we'll be able to code that last chapter, because MelS's July is packed, but if we can manage another round of edits, it would be great!

Fixing an older games. I'm 1/3rd to 1/2 done with Tomato Tomato. I'm trying to finish fixing it for the FIX IT JAM. And if I can manage some proper progress for Exquisite Cadaver, I'll be ECSTATIC!

Write the next Chapter/Scene of a WIP. And if I could manage to write one more game round for EC, I'm buying myself some cake!

I may or may not have sent an intent for the IntroComp... So I might send something. Puzzly probably.

Progress... I can do that... I think... I hope... We'll see/

~

The 2024 To-Do List:

LOLOLOL June just decided to avoid all this.

The hopefully maybe easy to handle To-Do:

fix the bugs in EDOC (FR waiting for Adventuron)

fix the bugs of TRNT + find a way to add the missing pieces

fixing the interface of LPM and the popups + check animal interactions

figure out the One-Button JavaScrip/jQuery issue...

edit the loading screens of the completed tiny games to include the program/format logo at least.

The 'Need a Bunch of Content to update but it's planned!' To-Do:

Update my website (bunch new title - also I don't think the logo clicky thing work...) + redo my itch page (un-stricking cause I need to update it)

Finish TTATEH (MelS dependent)

Finish Exquisite Cadaver (half-way mark by this summer - manif)

Finish P-Rix - Space Trucker (main path at least)

Update CRWL (it's been almost two years... I'm ashamed)

The Unlikely But it Would be Dope To-Do

Finish The Dinner as it was planned (and translate)

Finish In the Blink of an Eye as it was planned (and retranslate)

Finish The Rye in the Dark City

Fixing TTTT (at least fixing, maybe try adding some storylets)

And finally The 'It's impossible, but one can wish' TO-DO:

Remaster SPS IH (if I managed to start this after completing the rest... I'm going to eat a whole sheet cake).

Start the IFComp project (I think ST 2025)

[foxymoxynoona]

Hey Foxy

As a writer, do you tend to stick with what you’ve planned and mapped out and written / or does your editing process usually come with big changes or revisions? Like, do you ever think, “what would make this story better?” once you see it written, and make changes? I was checking out your Trello categories and thinking hmmm I wonder if everything is pretty much set at the Planning phase, or if it’s a general outline and get fleshed (flushed? Lol) out during the writing and/or editing? I can’t imagine how your mind works but it’s fascinating to me. Cheers for all you do

There are layers to this!

When it comes to plotter vs. panster (do you plot or do you just write by the seat of your pants) I am pretty much in the middle, maybe nudging more one direction or the other on any given story.

I do have an overarching plan for my stories when we begin, though I always leave space for changes along the way. I generally know where we're going but then I feel my way along, pulling in this or that as it shows up chapter-by-chapter.

For a few of them I actually have several potential endings and then as we get further along I prune off the endings that don't work anymore until I can see the one that does --Lowlander and To Kill A King are examples. Meadow is a funny example because I wanted very badly for the story to not go the way it did and yet at every turn it felt so obvious to me what had to happen, I had to accept it along the characters and just do my best to pull it off. So in a way I knew how it was going to end from the beginning, but I really did try to solve it other ways.

For the stories that I've already written a ton of (like Secret Song Series), things don't really change at the macro level. Some chapters I can edit quickly because it's really just tweaks. Other arcs have needed a heavier editing (re-writing, really) because things have changed enough on our journey to that point or because things happened along the way organically that I want to follow. Anytime I've planned or written something in the future, I go into it knowing that if it doesn't feel right when we get there in the story, it has to be scrapped. If it comes down to what i planned or what actually feels right for the characters and plot when we get there, the live story will always win.

When a chapter is in planning stage, I may be starrting with anything from a blurb ("characters need to develop this relationship and X needs to get revealed") to a thorough sketch that just needs a little more filling in before I can really get to writing. I try to write an outline of the next chapter as soon as I finish writing the previous chapter so it's waiting for me next time. This actually comes from some Ernest Hemengway advice: "The best way is always to stop when you are going good and when you know what will happen next. If you do that every day … you will never be stuck." I think there's another similar quote once that I keep wanting to attribute to Mark Twain about leaving your last sentence of the day unfinished so you can pick it up tomorrow.

So whether much changes during the actual writing really varies by stories. Some of them I have a clearer plan for, others I feel like I'm riding shotgun with the rest of you on how exactly we're getting to our destination 😂 Usually every few chapters I reflect on the last few and assess whether I need to undo and rebraid the remainder of the story or if we're still on my original track.

Hope this long meandering answer answers your question! I clearly had no outline for this when I started 😂😂

[the-oc-lass]

OC's with Lassie

Tis I, The OC Lass! You can call me Lassie or Christine (Lassie is more fun but Christine is an actual name soooo).

In case you couldn't tell by my name, I like OCs. I'm a bit of an OC addict. My brain literally cannot go into new media without either creating a new OC for it or inserting an existing OC into it. It's a problem. That being said, I have some OCs that I'm pretty happy with, and some of them I've written/am writing fanfics for. That being said, there are some that I haven't written about or have written very little about, and I want to share with the internet. I don't know if I'll keep with it, but my current plan is to write about a new OC every Friday. We'll see how that goes.

But, without further ado, let's start with one of my Star Wars OC's, Onteile Tiax.

So, big stuff first. Onteile is part of an original alien species that I came up with called Alkavarians.

An Alkavarian summary: Alkavarians have colorful hair and eyes, and their eyes are very special two pupiled eyes that help them see in the dark but are sensitive to quick light changes. They also have colorful markings on their skin that can pretty much be any color. Alkavarians are a race of telepaths and are considered highly dangerous (because I feel like when people write about telepathy and having the ability to control minds, they don't do anything with the very vast number of things that the brain controls, so I did that. If you'd like to learn more, I wrote a whole series about a different Alkavarian OC for The Mandalorian) in terms of abilities. However, they're actually considered a very diplomatic people. Don't mind working with other species but it's looked down upon to marry and reproduce with other species (especially older generations who are high and mighty about pure Alkavarian blood). There is a reason, which is that despite their power, their genetic identifiers don't tend to carry through to hybrid kids (and no hybrid will look exactly like their Alkavarian parent). More on that later!

So, back to Onteile. Before the Clone Wars and before she was married or had kids (her husband is an absolute fucking gem by the way, please let me know if you'd like me to talk about him), she was engaged to a Mandalorian woman and they ran around as freedom fighters together. Onteile's fiancée was killed in their last battle before they were supposed to get married, and Onteile, in a fit of grief, casually went and banged her friend, Kit Fisto (listen. I'm ace, but that is a tall, sexy fish man). They couldn't be together, of course, so she eventually married her current husband, who she does love and care about very much. Nowadays, she's still friends with many Jedi, including Kit Fisto and Obi-Wan Kenobi, and senators like Bail Organa. She's a highly respected warrior and diplomat who brings her home planet, Critri, into the Clone Wars to help the Republic. She generally works in the senate or goes on diplomatic missions, but she's not actually a senator. However, occasionally she works on Republic ships and the battlefield. Through this, she gets close to many of the clones, primarily the 501st and 212th (but she also bonds with clones from other legions, like Plo Koon's 104th) and becomes like something of a mother to them. She's already a very maternal figure as she has two young daughters at home, and her kindness and soothing presence makes her very dear to the clones' hearts. She gets to the point of calling them her sons and offering them a home on her planet when the war is over. She also brings several home and they become like big brothers to her daughters (particularly the younger one). She mourns every son she loses and keeps track of them all so that she can honor them.

I did start writing a fic about Onteile and wrote her into a couple of episodes, but I got burnt out and it's till unfinished. That being said, you can read the first five chapters here. Perhaps season 3 of The Bad Batch will catapult me back into a Star Wars obsession. Let's hope, because I do miss Onteile and my other Star Wars OCs. More on those on another day. May write more about Onteile if I remember more (maybe a part 2). I may also see if I can find some of my sketches of her. We'll see.

But until then, this has been OC's with Lassie.

[namistrella]

Nami’s 2023 Fandom Goals

Oooookay I am putting this out into the Tumblr void for some semblance of accountability because I usually tell my family my goals but unfortunately they do not know about the whole “writing gay smut” thing. (With the exception of my spouse, who knows all my secrets and then some, and gets both my regular goals and my fandom goals!)

Writing goals

1. Finish my first completed book-length fic! An easy goal to start with because I’m 1 chapter away from a finished draft of Trace a Line for @amywaterwings :) It’s looking to be about 50-55k when it’s done.

2. Get the bulk of my wips posted, even if they’re unfinished! I spent an hour tallying it all up and I have OVER 250k of UNPUBLISHED words. Unpublished!!! I want to edit, polish, and post as much of it as I can, and let readers choose whether they want to read something with an undetermined completion date or not. (I plan to complete all of them eventually, but with so many wips I have to pick and choose which to prioritize.) Anyway there’s lots of stuff in there, for like 5 different fandoms. Should be fun:)

3. Finish my 2021 COBB!! (Love Laid Bare). Well, finishing is a potentially-too-ambitious goal for one year because the outline is shaping up to be a 90k fic, but I’d like to at least make some significant progress toward completing it. I’ve been postponing because the early parts need some major reworking. But compared to two years ago, I feel I have enough energy, time, and skill now to tackle it and fix the problem spots.

Reading goals

1. Leave more comments! I’m going to try to comment on every fic I read. Might miss a few but I’m going to try!! A related goal is to be less self-conscious about comments, too. Some of them are going to be rambly and maybe I will scare some authors. Some of them might just be strings of emoji or keysmash. But the point is that I’m going to leave more comments!

2. Download my all time favorite fics, format them w/ pretty covers, and save them to my Kindle. I’ve already done this with a lot of them but I’m still missing a bunch, so I want to finish this.

3. Make a dent in my marked for later?? Is this another too-ambitious goal?? Maybe. There’s hundreds of fics in there. HUNDREDS UPON HUNDREDS. Jesus christ I don’t even want to look at the number of pages it is. But I KNOW there’s some real gems in there so I’m going to finally read them! Or at least I am going to try!

Other goals

1. Do some digital drawing tutorials! I did art all the way through school, up through college (mostly watercolor landscapes and mixed media/abstract stuff) so I’m not completely inexperienced, but digital drawing has always felt awkward to me, and drawing people specifically is NOT something I am good at. (anatomy??? don’t know her.) So I’d like to get better at drawing people, and drawing them on my ipad. Simply for purposes of being able to put my blorbos and silly little guys in situations.

2. Participate more in fandom communities. I’ve been kinda MIA the last two years because I was really not in a good mental place for a really long time. 2022 was one of the most difficult years I’ve ever had. But things are looking up and I’m doing MILES better than this time last year so I have more social energy to spend, and I’d like to spend it on my fandom friends! so you may see me pop out of hiding in discord more often :)

[chorusfm]

Letter Kills Announce New Single

Letter Kills release release their new single “Right Where We Belong” on July 21st. Nearly 20 years after their last release, California rock outfit Letter Kills are bursting back onto the scene with their new single “Right Where We Belong,” set to be released on July 21 via Zodhiac Records. Pre-save the song now at https://orcd.co/rwwb   Co-produced by the band and The Used guitarist Joey Bradford, “Right Where We Belong” marks Letter Kills’ first new music since The Bridge with the same propulsive energy, devil-may-care attitude and airtight rhythm section that made the album a cult favorite in the underground, peaking at No. 4 on the Billboard Top Heatseekers chart.   “Writing this song was really reminiscent of how The Bridge came together,” explains. guitarist Tim Cordova. “I don’t really remember writing that album – it just happened. In a lot of ways, this song feels like whatever the follow-up would have been. It simultaneously feels like 2006 but also new and exciting.”   “Right Where We Belong” is a self-referential salvo about the trio itself, about mended friendships, the passage of time and the thrill of second chances. In many ways, it’s the most authentically honest Letter Kills song ever, the perfect reintroduction for one of the scene’s biggest what-if stories as they mount a comeback that’s been years in the making.   Shortly after the single release, Letter Kills will be performing their first show since 2005 in Santa Ana, CA on July 28 at The Observatory, joined by special guests Dead American and Bullets and Octane. Tickets are on sale now at www.letterkillsofficial.com/tour   Hailed by Alternative Press as “the greatest screamo band you’ve never heard of,” Letter Kills rose from the Temecula, California, desert in the early aughts with a riff-heavy collection of hard-charged alternative rock, ’80s hair-metal swagger and punk rock ethos. The band’s 2004 Island Def Jam debut, The Bridge, introduced Letter Kills with a bang: on Fuse and MTV2 with the single “Don’t Believe,” on the Nintendo Fusion Tour alongside My Chemical Romance and in the pages of Rolling Stone.   Then, seemingly as quickly as they appeared, Letter Kills were gone.   “When we went to write a second record, we’d all gone so far in different directions musically that I think it was hard for us to make a record that satisfied everyone,” admits bassist Kyle Duckworth. “Life took over after that. We had a little meeting at our drummer’s kitchen table and agreed we all needed to tend to things.”   After Letter Kills called it quits, Shelton joined Tooth & Nail act The Wedding, eventually settling in Fort Worth, Texas, where he now works as a pastor. Duckworth became a firefighter paramedic (and a father) in Orange County, California, and Cordova took up teaching middle school in Salt Lake City. And while these new chapters of their lives have the trio juggling a lot more than they ever did when Letter Kills was active, the sheer excitement of the unfinished business that lies ahead is enough to power them through any exhaustion that may come their way.   “We all have full-time jobs and other stuff going on, but my philosophy is when you have a full plate, just get a bigger plate,” Duckworth says, noting the band has a handful of plans for the near future. “It would be a success if we can release more music, play a handful of festivals, do a few runs of three to four shows, and get something for the 20th anniversary of The Bridge.”   Adds Shelton: “This reunion isn’t just about honoring the past, because we still feel like we have a lot to offer to our listeners and rock ’n’ roll. The idea of a new album is so exciting to all of us, and a lot of people are never going to expect it. We still have a lot of music to make.”   Stay tuned for more at www.letterkillsofficial.com. --- Please consider becoming a member so we can keep bringing you stories like this one. ◎ https://chorus.fm/news/letter-kills-announce-new-single/

[squarebracket-trickster]

Well, more like a numbered list - with all the events that need to happen in order. Each event is described in paragraph form, in as much detail as I feel is necessary (so I don't forget anything important).

Every event develops the story in at least one way. Either plot happens, or a character learns something or makes a major decision (or a subplot, characterization moment, or bit of foreshadowing etc.).

I'm not really concerned with breaking things into scenes, or trying to make sure every scene does more than one thing. This is just a list of the developments that will get me from beginning to end.

I will also add in everything I want to happen (jokes, worldbuilding, dialogue, fluff, etc.), but I will connect each "want" with a "need". So like, "I want the characters to share a bed (and be Very Mature about it), but I also need them to discuss overthrowing the king. Oh! They can do both at once."

An entry will look something like: 9. To their dismay, there is only one patch of straw in the prison cell. Character A tells Character B to sleep on it, Character B asks, "why? are there rats?" Argument ensues. The dumbasses both end up sleeping on the floor out of stubbornness. Neither can sleep, so they plot how to escape together (very sleep deprived). Character B mentions that they should go try to find Rebel Leader down here before they leave. Character A says no, they will not participate in treason. Character B convinces them eventually - "the king already hates you, why the fuck are you still loyal?" They finally agree to sleep on the straw together because the floor is ouchy. They wake up in each other's arms the next morning and never mention it again.

My outlines aren't hard, and I often don't finish them. But I find that if I start trying to draft without a clear idea of 1. the steps to get from chapter one: establish the norm to the inciting incident (~30% mark) and 2. everything the inciting incident incites that will have to be resolved, I end up just pantsing 10-30k worth of scenes I don't particularly care for, and then I get stuck - I've set up a whole bunch of threads that might be interesting to another writer to explore, but none of them are the story I want to tell; and I have a direction in mind, but I am no closer to getting there. Everyone tells me to "just keep writing! Eventually you'll get unstuck." I think if I don't like the story after 30k I'm not going to, and it's a waste of time.

My outline for WIPVII got me to about the 40% mark, and then I had a clear enough idea of all the threads I needed to follow to get me to the "high point before the 3rd act breakdown" that I left the outline unfinished and pantsed the rest.

--

I've never found any other outlining method useful. I don't need help visualizing story structure or keeping track of plot threads/subplots etc. I will know, for example, that "so-and-so must make x decision in this scene". What I struggle with is figuring out, "how did so-and-so even get into this situation in the first place?" I know what needs to happen, the problem is details, and details require ideas, and generating ideas is the part I get stuck on.

I don't know of any outlining template or technique (or pantsing technique for that matter) in existence that can help with thinking up ideas (other than the good old fashioned "list everything that comes to mind until you find something you like" and "stare at the wall, take a break, scream into the void, kidnap a man a monologue to his terrified screams, wake up in a cold sweat at 3am"). Ideas come when they come, and I'm picky which doesn't help.

So, alas, I hate the planning stage. I hate being stuck, but I'm not really asking for help. I've just kind of accepted that getting stuck is part of my process.

(Oh, and the good news is, after about 4 and a half hours, I got myself unstuck!!)

I hate outlining I hate outlining I hate outlining I have been stuck on the same bullet point for four hours I hate outlining I hate outlining I hate outlining

[virtues-end]

Virtue's End — Game Update 3 November 2022

Today marks the anniversary of Virtue's End original release date two years ago and I figured, what better time to release the update for the revised version?

So, now you can play it here :-) 🎉

It currently includes the prologue and about 1/3rd of chapter one, for a total of about 20k~ words. Note that it's a bit messy and unfinished and is missing an important scene. Still, I felt the need to publish it as is.

It's been a long time since I last released an update for Virtue's End. I'm not going to lie, it's been hard. I've struggled a lot during that time, trying to achieve some sort of perfection. I was rewriting it after all, so it had to be good, right? It had to be above reproach. Perfect.

And I am anything but perfect. I became stuck in this loop of writing a thing and then feeling dissatisfied with it and starting anew. It was incredibly difficult to break out of that mindset. I enjoy writing immensely and it's a passion of mine, but I am still learning. And the only way to learn and become better at something is to do it.

So, I forced myself to stop trying to achieve some impossible ideal, and to just simply write. This update is the result of that. And even though it's unfinished, I do feel good about it because I'm finally making some progress instead of rewriting the same bits.

I'm making an exception for this 'anniversary' update, but my plan for the public build is to update it whenever I've finished writing a full, complete chapter, and for the Patreon version to receive much more frequent, incremental updates in-between. For chapter one, I'll continue to update it alongside the Patreon version for now, until I've added the missing scene and I'm able to conclude it on a natural stopping point (Patrons will of course receive early access to all updates).

If you've read all of this, thank you, and I hope you enjoy the game. :') 💜

[sneverussape]

snape fic recs - old magic/epic worldbuilding

related to this post. i decided to dig through my bookmarks and wrack my brain for some of the fics i remember reading that scratched this particular itch. this will have fics that had the characters practice old magic and are more focused on the adults/hogwarts staff rather than the kids, or if the kids would be mentioned they would not be the main povs. these will be multi-chaptered, often long (and obviously au), and some of them have pairings. please heed the tags and warnings that the individual authors would have left; what you consume is your own responsibility. the fics are also listed in no particular order:

In His Name by moira of the mountain -  After the Final Battle, a fallen Snape is hidden, bearing Tom Riddle's last Unforgivable. There are three Secret Keepers and a Muggle healer to protect him, but will it be love - or an obligation - which finally frees him?  - no pairings // kinda brotp between mcgonagall, snape, and hagrid // also unfinished so fair warning. the lore is so rich though, it feels like how magic in hp should have been.

Death’s Dominion by MMADfan - Severus Snape’s life was changed when he was hit by an errant spell, and he comes to a decision that defies Dumbledore’s wishes. Even the fate of the wizarding world is altered by this ill-cast curse and Snape’s subsequent resolve.Long after the spell has dissipated, its effects continue echoing in the lives of Severus, Albus, Minerva, and Hermione, and they bring with them a shadowy figure whom Snape does not trust and whose motivations and influence on Minerva are murky. Not all is as it seems, and conspiracies and schemes swirl around Severus as he continues on his path of deception to his final confrontation with the Dark Lord. A “Light” fic of love, loyalty, and redemption. - mm/ad, ss/hg // this fic. is LEGENDARY. this is one of those fics that require your full attention and will eventually suck you in and spit you back out with your whole life changed. it will take you on a whole rollercoaster of emotions. the mm/ad pairing is quite an obvious one but the ss/hg is a subtle one and it’s more friendship throughout the whole fic than an actual romantic relationship. the ocs (a lot of them minerva’s family) are also SO well-made you’ll forget they’re not canon. 

FALLING FURTHER IN by kaz2 - Hermione begins to learn something of the man behind the dark sarcasms of the classroom. - ss/hg, also features wolfstar, brotp between the faculty and severus // this was one of the fics i had in mind when i did that last post about missing old hp stories. this was started in the early 2000s and the author had free rein on a lot of the material. flitwick and sprout are married here and are the cutest things on earth. it’s also set during the summer leading into harry’s final year so all the teachers are staying at hogwarts and are all good friends with each other. hermione is there as well because her parents had been murdered by death eaters and so she’s spending it with them. the way the ww is written here is so...epic, jkr couldn’t even. snape lives in an invisible tower called serpens tower, the teachers often go to a brothel-which-isn’t-really-a-brothel in hogsmeade, the other teachers often baby severus subtly because he’s the youngest, wolfstar are tolerable and remus actually learns to brew his own damn wolfsbane, etc. the story is in story format until near the end iirc and then the author outlines what happens next rather than writing it out. i can’t blame them; it really is a massive undertaking.

The Crest by sheankalor -  Dumbledore only holds partial say in who the Head of House is. Severus Snape is nominated as the Head of Slytherin, but has to pass a final test. Can he? Does he work well with the other three Heads of House? And just what is The Crest? - no pairings // staff fic // one of the rare one-shots but it’s in an au which feeds into other stories // i loooove the lore in this. it provides an explanation as to how a house head is approved by the school and i’m a sucker for any fic that has the faculty getting along.

Balance by rabbit and -v-Jinx-v - Hogwarts is under siege, and it's going to take everyone to find a way out of danger. - no pairings // brotp minerva and severus, also harry and draco form a friendship // this is one of my personal faves. it’s not only old magics but the entirety of hogwarts come together to battle against dark forces (not even death eaters but...balrogs...and other things). there’s no build-up to it; you enter the story after the battle’s already begun and then you get taken along for the ride. also has a part where the heads of houses meet the founders and there’s this epic dance that’s reminiscent of the danse macabre in The Graveyard Book (if you’ve read that you’d know what i mean).

Another World by Aeryn Alexander - Detention with Snape turns into something of an adventure for Hermione and Ginny, not to mention Professor Lupin, as they all discover that Hogwarts holds a terrible secret that none of them want to learn. - ss/hg, rl/gw // this fic took me by surprise because i didn’t expect it to go the way it did based on the summary lmao. the 4 basically get trapped in a mirror version of hogwarts after a potions accident, and the mirror world has literal demons in it. they have to find a way to get back into the real world while not getting killed at the same time. i actually liked lupin in this one and he and severus form a tenuous friendship. 

In One Spirit by mavidian - Voldemort and Dumbledore prepare for war and survival. Plans go awry, intrigues abound and nothing is what it seems. Snape created the Dark Mark but that mistake may cost him everything. Can Hermione be his saving grace? - ss/hg but it’s such a slow build you barely notice it during even the first 20 or so chapters because he’s his usual asshole self and they’re too busy trying to protect hogwarts // the concept of this fic and the lore it built up...wow. the faculty are all friends and they’re trying very hard to protect hogwarts using their own magics and their own clever schemes (war brooms? battle wands? blessing tree? filch even gets powers!). voldemort is also equally devious here and snape has loving pureblood parents! (not that it matters, he’s still an ass, but then it’s nice to read about him having a nice family for once). neville also steps up as a member of one of the Traditional Families so he’s quite a BAMF here. 

yo pls feel free to add your own recs to this post, i’m pretty sure there are loads more out there!

[echo-bleu]

As my Encanto hyperfixation goes away (I went from 100 to 0 surprisingly fast given that it hasn’t been replaced), I find myself looking at all the fanfic loose ends I’ve left lying around. I am quite determined to use this in-between-hyperfixations time to work on my original project, Singer Street, and I’m half-hoping that the next hyperfixation might be on that project. I may or may not be procrastinating on that by taking a look back ( @t-lane-writes i might need a kick in the butt) but at the same time I think I need this to be able to move forward.

This is going to get rambly so I won’t make you all scroll past :D

Over the years I’ve left a bunch of unfinished fanfics behind as I moved fandoms, and I regularly get sad that I couldn’t finish them. That’s especially true of the more advanced fics in which I poured a lot of energy and time and emotions. I’m constantly wondering if I could just make a little effort and finish them just so I can lay them to rest.

- Gifted fics: Nope, not gonna happen. The Underground is technically unfinished but it ends in a really good place. I think I might edit the end note and mark it as complete actually, just so I can say it’s done. All We Stand To Lose... it ends terribly but I really had no precise ending in mind and I can’t get back into this one enough. If You're Still Breathing was never meant to be a full fic anyway. I’m way too far from these characters now even though I still love them, and my writing style has evolved too -- not to mention that the fandom is fully dead.

- RNM fics: The fandom is still alive and I still have friends there but... I pretty much hate what the show has become. Season 3, which was awful imo, did give me enough of a boost to continue the one unfinished fic that still had a real place in my heart, our hands clasped so tight. I think I’d like to bring it to an end, because I’m actually pretty close and I still like it. It took the backburner again when I blocked on the flashback chapter and then fell headfirst into a new hyperfixation, but I’ll give it another try at some point. There’s maybe 3-4 chapters left to write (3k-ish words each) so it’s not a lot, and I feel like it’s worth it. The other WIPs I can barely remember and none of them were advanced enough anyway.

- Shadowhunters fics: I was looking at my folder the other day. There are so many fics I started and didn’t finish. There are a few one shots that I’d like to just clean up and bit and post as very short fics/snippets just because they’re pretty good, and it doesn’t matter than they’re not really finished. I might give this a try today. Beside that, the only really advanced WIP I had is the time we've been given. I don’t know about this one. I like it, but it’s maybe not close enough to my heart to actually put in the work to finish it. As it is, it was maybe halfway done with the plot I’d planned. I could maybe cut some stuff and just give it a nice epilogue -- I’ll have to look at what’s possible there.

Oh, and I also have sparks filled with hope, my mutant AU that I never posted. Um. It’s pretty advanced but it’s been so long since I even thought about it. Yeah, that one’s not going to happen.

- Hamilton fics: This is the fandom I’m kind of reverting back to now. It’s a bit frustrating in the sense that the fandom is so small now that it barely feels worth it to post fics at all, but those characters are the ones on my mind, though not in a hyperfixation way anymore. So. I have one fic that’s finished and awaiting betaing, part of the the things we used to know series. I meant that series to be a lot longer but it’s fine as it is. I have one project that I still vaguely wonder about that I don’t think will ever see the light of day unless I get a sudden burst of inspiration, I think I can lay that one to rest too.

And I have Eyes On The Horizon. It’s my most advanced fic, I’ve written almost 80k but it’s nowhere near done. It’s been read by a total of two people so far, it’s the first long fic I’ve written without posting anything. It’s proved to me that I’m capable of writing something without constant feedback (I’ve had amazing feedback from my beta and it’s been enough). It’s taken the backburner during Encanto phase but I still really really love it. So I’m on the fence about it. Basically I see three possibilities. 1) Start posting it, keep working on it on and off and hope for the best, knowing that it’s unlikely that I’ll ever finish it. 2) Chop it into parts. As it is, it’s too long, the pacing doesn’t work really well, and I have too much planned. It’s basically three different genres and three different novels into one. So I could simply finish the act I’m in, which would make it a character-focused kinda slice of life thing, and tell myself that maybe one day I’ll write a second part with the more plot-focused part. 3) This fic is barely fanfiction as it is, it’s so far from canon. If I can find a way to tighten the plot and to change the worldbuilding enough that it’s fully original (here it’s not really the Hamilton part that’s a problem, but the Sense8 inspiration) I could rework it into an original novel, and I think it could be really good. But there would be a lot of work and a lot of questions to ask myself, too.

I... don’t have an answer to that one yet.

- Encanto fics: I essentially have two, and a third that I barely started and that will not see the light of day, that’s okay. Nothing In This World is very advanced but also not even close to the end, but I don’t want to abandon it completely because I think it’s one of my best works yet. I’ve really reached the depth of nuance and emotional complexity that I want to be at with this one. I think I’m going to try to tighten the plot a bit more to make it shorter and keep going, but definitely not as intensely.

The Pirate AU isn’t going to be written. I’m still drawing the characters, and I’m going to try and do the whole family. I’m shelving the fic (I only wrote about a chapter). However, I’ll keep the plot in the back of my mind because I definitely want to write an og story like that someday. Not the exact same, but there are elements I really like.

- Original projects: Singer Street is my current project. It has a full plot, it has all the character it needs, I JUST NEED TO WRITE IT. STOP PROCRASTINATING ECHO.

I had this one post-revolution fantasy project that I’m shelving for now, but the good thing about og projects is that they’re not subject to fandom whims. I might go back to it. I might transform it into something else.

And I have Eyes, if I decide to turn it original. I really could. I’d need some solid reflection about one specific representation-related aspect of it, and to really figure out what’s important and what I want to say.

So, to recap.

- Maybe finish Hands (shouldn’t be that much work) - Have a look at which SH one-shots I can post as is or with minimal work, maybe look at Time, then shelve everything else - Post that Things we use to know fic whenever possible, then have a serious look at Eyes, which might require rereading it and talking it over with my wonderful friends/betas/writing buddies - Try to keep going with Nothing, but don’t force it - WRITE THAT GODDAMN NOVEL, COME ON YOU CAN DO IT

( @t-lane-writes is going to be very cross with me about this, I should only be thinking about Singer Street. But. At least my mind is a little clearer.)

[scribeofred]

Thanks to @onereyofstarlight for the tag!

 1. What fandoms have you written for?

This is embarrassing but I actually had to look at both FFnet and AO3 because I couldn’t remember all of them. TRON: Legacy, Assassin’s Creed, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit, Sherlock, Final Fantasy VII and XV and Kingsglaive, Voltron: Legendary Defender, Merlin, Skyrim, and, of course, Thunderbirds. I have a couple other fandoms that crop up in various wips, including a Tom Swift/Thunderbirds crossover that I really should finish.

2. How many works do you have on AO3 &/or FFNet?

FFnet has 45, and AO3 has 41. There’s also a couple stories lurking on tumblr, notably a final chapter for Reflection.

3. What are your top 3 fics by kudos on A03 &/or Favs on FFNet?

AO3 dominates in this area, if I can use a word like “dominates” for stories that have less than 125 kudos each haha. Oh well, the numbers don’t matter!

1.     118 kudos on tell the shades apart (my world is black and white)

2.     94 kudos on Reflection

3.     91 kudos on The 43rd Hour

4. Which 3 fics have the least kudos & Favs?

Again on AO3:

1 kudos on I Am You (And You Are Me)

5 kudos on The Dragonborn Chronicles

6 kudos on cynosure

5. Which Fic has the most comments and which has the least?

Reflection has the most at 29 threads, and I Am You (And You Are Me) has the least at zero.

6. Which complete fic do you wish had gotten more attention?

Lodestar, definitely. Sure, it’s for something of a rarepair, but they aren’t that rare, and I just really really like the way the story came together. On the other hand, of course my unfinished Merlin fic has gotten probably the most attention, because that’s just the way it goes, eh?

7. Have you written any crossovers?

None that I’ve published! I have various crossovers lurking in mostly unfinished states, including the aforementioned Tom Swift/Thunderbirds crossover, and an Assassin’s Creed/Thundeerbirds crossover that is very good and I should also finish. There’s an Expanse/Thunderbirds fic lurking in my brain that I may or may not ever commit to paper, who knows. I’ve also very vaguely toyed with a Batman/Thunderbirds crossover, in the sense that “nebulous” is too strong a word for the kind of toying I’ve been doing.

8. What is the craziest fic you’ve written?

I don’t really write crazy or crack or humor in general, so probably the closest thing to “crazy” is On the Lam, which was the result of wanting to throw Scott and Penelope toward an Egyptian stud farm. It ended up being the host for a bad joke about that, courtesy of one @thebaconsandwichofregret, who consistently gives some of the best dialogue advice I’ve ever encountered.

Actually, the true answer is probably a chapter in Glimpses into a Supernova, maybe the one about blood? It seems bonkers when I think back on it now, but I admittedly haven’t read it in many years. Possibly I am misremembering. Glimpses has some weird ones, though.

9. What’s the fic you’ve written with the saddest ending?

It’s a tossup between The Painting and a place where the water touches the sky. The former deals with a prior off-screen death; the latter is (maybe??) an on-screen death. People seemed upset by it, at any rate. I said it was ambiguous!

10. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

“Happy” is probably a matter of perspective? Depends on the overall reading experience and the ending within that context. Either septet or Three Towels and a Tracy, they’re both pretty fluffy overall.

11. What is your smuttiest fic?

protoinstincts, which I completely forgot I wrote and then rediscovered like a year later and realized “hey, this is actually pretty good” and you know what, despite it not being overly spicy, it is pretty good.

12. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not hate, per se, but someone left a review on Less Than Nothing saying they “didn’t like” that I “wrote the story as a series of drabbles.” Cool, I didn’t write the story for you, random guest reader, and the back button exists, friend 😂 It didn’t bother me on a personal level because I wrote the fic for an audience of one (incidentally, not myself and rather the recipient of a secret santa event), but I was mad because the reviewer had no way of knowing where I was at as a writer, and I know from longtime observation how that kind of comment can crush less experienced or confident writers.

Don’t leave flames, kids, you don’t understand the power your words have. Don’t like, don’t read.

13. What is the nicest comment you’ve received?

The nicest? Goodness. Hmm. I’d have to go hunting to find the nicest, but in recent memory, @ayzrules sent me a couple passages from Spanish texts she’s been studying that reminded her of my writing, and I was honestly so touched by the fact that she even thought to make such comparisons, much less mention them to me. Taking the time to familiarize yourself with someone’s style until you can make comparisons between it and someone else’s work is so much more meaningful to me personally than a basic “Nice story!” or “Loved this!” type of comment ever could be. <3 Ayz <3

14. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I’m aware of, but I’ve never gone looking on any sort of copycat site or whatever either.

15. How many fics do you have marked as incomplete?

Two. First is The Dragonborn Chronicles, which is a retelling of Skyrim from Lydia’s perspective via her journal, to complement the in-game journal. It’s a slog of a style to write, though, even for someone who loves writing first person and doesn’t really want to write a lot of dialogue, and the outline is huge, and the story will be many times more huge, and just. Some day. Some day.

Second is tell the shades apart (my world is black and white), which has always been unfinished because the outline itself is over seven thousand words and the fully written story would undoubtedly land between 100,000 and 200,000 words, and there’s no way I’m writing that. I’ve always meant to upload the outline, but I got kind of self-conscious about the way I formatted it, and ugh I just haven’t bothered. One day, one day, right?

Moral of the story is I’m intensely a short story writer, and I’ve really found myself settling into that role over the last couple years. Better a clipped, punchy short story than a bloated slog of an epic.

16. Which of the WIPS will most likely be finished first?

Literally no one knows that. I wrote 95% of the observable entropy of a closed system over five years ago, and then I proceeded to pull it out roughly once a year and write and rewrite various endings until last month, which was when I finally figured out how I wanted to end the story. septet, too, languished for about five years before I finally remembered it existed and managed to wrangle an ending. Endings are hard, man. So are those third plot points. Terrible creatures, those, bog me down every time.

17. Which WIP are you looking forward to finishing?

Uh... mm. See. If I were looking forward to finishing any of them, I’d be actively working on them. At this moment, writing fic isn’t exactly high on my list of priorities, but I am also coming off a four-day idle game bender, so I still feel like I haven’t quite reengaged with myself as a living person. Give me another few days and I might have an answer.

(I am always most looking forward to finishing this ridiculous Ignis-drives-the-Audi-R8 fic that’s been languishing in my wips for literal years. As mentioned above, third plot points. Killer, man.)

(oh and also the working-titled the art of murder. Scott and Penny attend a private art auction. Things don’t go to plan. It, too, is stuck at the third plot point. I know, I know I have a problem, shush.)

18. Is there a WIP that you’re considering abandoning?

Any wip has the potential to be revived—this year and the old wips I’ve unearthed, dusted off, finished, and posted have been proof of that. I don’t intentionally permanently abandon anything for that reason, some stories just probably will remain dusty old wips forever because I didn’t actually need or want to write the full story for one reason or another.

19. Which complete fic would you consider rewriting?

Now that’s an interesting question. Hmm! Honestly? None of them. Once I finish a story, I’m not inclined toward rereading it again any time soon, to the point of years in some cases, and I feel like I’ve moved on from the stories I wrote one, two, five, eight years ago in the actual writing sense. They’re finished stories, and on top of that are relics of their time, which doesn’t mean the stories don’t have any ongoing significance on a reading level—I just don’t have any interest in rewriting those particular stories. I’ve gotten them out of my head, to the point of not remembering at least a third of them on demand anymore, and I don’t have any desire to “retell” those exact stories. I do tend to tighten the wording and fix perceived errors/weaknesses whenever I do end up rereading an old story, and I usually silently update the AO3 version if I make any significant changes because AO3 makes it a breeze to update a posted fic. I might do FFnet too if I’m feeling up to it or have the time.

20. Which complete fic is your favourite?

Once upon a time I would’ve said Holding On, but I honestly find it kind of unbearably melodramatic now. the observable entropy of a closed system is equally melodramatic, as it was written in the same era, but at least it has the excuse of being told in second person and via a style that is a half step away from being poetry. Possibly I will reread it in a few years and find it equally obnoxious and overly dramatic, but it received some shockingly positive comments, which I wasn’t expecting at ALL, and I’ve been honestly blown away by the amount of praise it’s received. <3 to everyone who’s said anything about it!

21. What’s your total published word count?

141,000 on AO3, 160,000 on FFnet, but technically the light of my life SS wrote fifty thousand words of each. It’s too late for math.

 I tag @velkynkarma, @lurkinglurkerwholurks, @writtenbyrain, @thebaconsandwichofregret, and anyone else who wants to play!

[aerixlee]

announcement on after sunset!!

so this is... late? like, really really really overdue. and i’ve been honestly dreading posting this, but it’s taken a toll on my mental health on top of everything else, so i’m just going to bite the bullet and do it.

(also i forgot my tumblr password, so i do technically have an excuse for not posting this sooner. but that’s not the point. i’m getting off track already)

to preface: i am NOT abandoning after sunset!!!! i still have a lot planned, and i don’t currently have intentions of leaving it forever unfinished, which is why i will not be marking it as complete.

however, i will be taking an indefinite break from it out of the interest of my own mental well being. though i love the story and i really do want to keep writing, it’s also become impossible to ignore the effects that it’s had on my mental well-being. the pressure to keep up with updating and making each chapter better than the last has... honestly taken some of the fun out of it, and it’s made me enjoy the atla fandom a little less as a whole. i tried to push through for a little, but i don’t think that it’s working. like, at all.

i probably didn’t need to write a whole mini essay on this, but i’m a dramatic person, and i really do feel like i owe you all an explanation. i saw we got to over 10k hits and it-- like holy shit dude that’s insane? it sucks, because that would’ve been just mind-blowingly incredible to me a while ago, but now it’s just making me feel like shit. i’m so incredibly grateful for all of your support, and i’m really sorry if i’m disappointing any of you or letting you down. which i’m sure i am. hopefully, when i do pick the fic back up again, it’ll be with better writing and the motivation that i had at the beginning!

yeah. this has honestly been a long time coming. i felt super pressured to keep going, and this whole thing has really made me realize that i... have no concept of stopping when i need to stop? and then by that point it’s too late and i’m drowning or something. so this is also me learning how to take a break and learn to prioritize myself for once? pretty sick if i do say so myself. doesn’t change the fact that i still feel shitty about this whole thing, but we’re getting there.

(this isn’t to say that i’m stopping writing as a whole btw; you can absolutely expect more from me, albeit different things - i’m still staying up until 2AM writing absolute garbage that i don’t even know why people read LMAO love u)

again, i’m really sorry for making you all wait like that - i was being dumb and avoiding writing this all out. if you read all of this? holy shit i love you? thank you so much for all of your love - i really don’t know what i did to deserve you all.

[gusu-emilu]

seven nights to turn: author's meta

Symbolism & Parallels

Time to be self-indulgent. Am I significant enough to be posting about my own fic lore? Probably not, but here I am. Blame @eldritch-elrics and @qi-ling for telling me I was allowed to do this.

I also want to journal for myself about this story before I forget my thoughts months later. A little fic diary, if you will.

I'm going to talk about the meanings of:

counting nights and days

pruning plants

branding and insignia

kneeling

Counting Nights and Days

Jiang Cheng's state of mind in Chapter 1 is very different from Chapter 4. In the beginning of the story, he is bitter and restless. His memories haunt him. He counts time by nights—has for years—because the nights are harder to make it through.

By the end of the story, he is openly grateful in his narration for Wei Wuxian and Jin Ling's safety, and he has gone from calling himself selfish to giving to Wen Ning out of something more than just guilt. The shift from counting nights to counting days reflects this.

I also played with this concept in the titles and section headers. As a refresher, the chapter titles are 1) from first to fifth night, 2) from sixth to seventh night, 3) turn, 4) from first to fifth day. And of course, the story is called Seven Nights to Turn.

Jiang Cheng "turns" in multiple ways. The surface level turn is from counting nights to days. The emotional turn is how his perception of Wen Ning changes. The physical turn involves kneeling...and I'll talk about that soon.

Wen Ning also has a turn of his own, as he realizes that he isn't as repulsive as he thinks, that he isn't as responsible for the past as he thinks, that Jiang Cheng didn't give him the talismans and tea for the reason he thinks. That he is allowed to express negative emotions once in a while. He can have some catharsis by confessing things to Jiang Cheng that he feels like he can't say to Wei Wuxian or Lan Sizhui. And at the very end of the story, he "turns" to travel to Tanzhou and meet Song Lan, starting a new direction in his life as he can begin to heal and grow on his own. Before coming back to Lotus Pier, of course *wink wink*

Now for the section headers. If you didn't translate them while reading, I'll do that now. Until the "turn," the nights are marked 第一晚 (First Night), 第二晚 (Second Night), etc., and the days are marked ���天 (Daytime). Wen Ning's POV in Chapter 2, aka his breakdown, is marked 未知 (Unknown), because the reader can decide for themselves when that scene happens. It also represents that Wen Ning feels lost in that moment. After the "turn," the night is marked 晚上 (Nighttime), and the days are marked 第一天 (First Day), 第二天 (Second Day), etc. So, the shift from counting nights to days happens on several levels.

Pruning Plants

In Chapter 3, after Jiang Cheng and Wen Ning reach some form of peace, if not a full reconciliation, they sit at the tea table in Wen Ning's cabin, talking about their families or sitting in silence. Wen Ning brings over one of his plants to prune while they sit together.

Snipping away the leaves represents how, throughout the entire story, they bring up moments from the past and find a way to release them. Before they were able to reconcile enough to sit at Wen Ning's tea table (without Jiang Cheng wanting to flip it over), they had to go through explosive confrontations about the past. But finally, some of those grievances are addressed. They can trim away those leaves, and new shoots can grow, because at last they are talking without animosity and beginning to bond.

Trimming away a few leaves doesn't change the plant. Its base is still the same. They can't change or fix anything, but they can make what they have a little less messy.

Actually, I was originally going to have Wen Ning show Jiang Cheng how to prune the plant, and they would trim it together. Now I'm regretting not doing that lol.

Branding and Insignia

I'm just going to pull quotes for this one to show everything in one place. Half of these ideas came from my beta @lady-of-the-lotus.

He wonders if Wen Ning is trying to leave a mark of his own, to carve another scar, to sear a brand of the lost Wen Clan into his skin. (Chapter One)

Jiang Cheng thinks about receiving another permanent mark of the Wen Clan during the hate sex...

A pendant in the window casts a sun-shaped shadow on his face; a faint circle, spoked and distorted. He doesn’t look in the mirror again after that. (Chapter Two)

And the morning after, there's the mark of the Wen Clan, if only in his imagination. Yet another thing to haunt him.

Wen Ning saw. Saw the guqin brush, with its red handle, its black rim and golden tassel. The exact colors of the Wen insignia. (Chapter Two)

But by the end of that chapter, Jiang Cheng begins to empathize with Wen Ning and come to terms with his guilt, and he consciously selects a symbol of the Wen Clan to give to Lan Sizhui as a gift.

The design on the bottom of the cup has burned the red outline of a lotus flower into his skin. (Chapter Four)

By now, Jiang Cheng understands how much Wen Ning sacrificed and suffered, and he wishes he could take away the pain. He heals the burn wound, removing the brand of the Jiang Clan from Wen Ning's skin, and later thanks Wen Ning for saving his family.

As he follows the path of the veins, he realizes how endless they are. Jiang Cheng’s own scars have a clear start. A clear finish. Where does Wen Ning’s suffering end? (Chapter Four)

Wen Ning's black marks are the brand of death.

The rest of the scar/vein symbolism is pretty clear in the story, I think, so I won't discuss it much beyond that.

Kneeling and Parallels

Here's the physical "turn." I didn't intend for this to happen while writing, but it actually has a connection to a scene in CQL.

One of the most emotional scenes in The Untamed is in Episode 36, after Wei Wuxian pulls the nails out of Wen Ning's head to restore his consciousness. Wen Ning, overcome with guilt, kneels at Wei Wuxian's feet. Then Wei Wuxian kneels.

This is a beautiful moment in their relationship. Ningxian (you can interpret that romantically or platonically) always has this...slightly uncomfortable power dynamic? as much as I love them, but in that scene Wei Wuxian physically shows how much he appreciates Wen Ning. That he is sorry. That they are both indebted to each other, but the past wasn't Wen Ning's fault, and they are equals as they kneel in front of each other.

Back to Seven Nights, where there is a lot of kneeling going on, and the meanings are a bit similar.

This story was a challenge to tell mostly from Jiang Cheng's POV, because there is so much in Wen Ning's head that I couldn't put on the page since Jiang Cheng just doesn't know what he's thinking. The reader gets to learn about Wen Ning through Jiang Cheng's eyes, and speculate about the rest of what they don't learn.

But during the hate sex scene, it's significant that Wen Ning is the one kneeling. Despite how much resentment he holds toward Jiang Cheng, he still feels guilty! (He really isn't to blame, but he feels like he is.) He killed Jin Zixuan! That caused Wei Wuxian and Jiang Yanli to die! He's a corpse, what is he doing touching someone? Expecting that Jiang Cheng would've reached out to him to make peace? Wen Ning is very confused about how he feels about Jiang Cheng, has a complicated relationship with his own humanity and self-confidence, and that leaves him kneeling even when getting revenge.

There's also the attraction element, of course, the classic trope of "enemy sexy," but we're not talking about that right now lol

The next time somebody kneels, it's Jiang Cheng. His guilt toward Wen Ning used to do nothing but torment him. Now he is taking action, physically showing the change in their relationship, kneeling at Wen Ning's feet and healing his hand. The talismans and tea in the first chapter were nice (if misguided) gestures, but he didn't kneel to present those, did he? The sentiment in the first chapter is very different from his treatment of Wen Ning in the last chapter. He understands Wen Ning much better. Admits to himself that he cares about Wen Ning as a person. He's not just caught up in the concept of "unfinished business." He's not held back by his ego.

And then we come full circle, an inverse of the hate sex in the first chapter. This time Jiang Cheng drinks the tea, kneels, and gets to work. And Wen Ning orders him to, which I find very satisfying.

But once he finishes...Wen Ning kneels, too.

They go through both versions of the power structure, and by the end they are stripped, raw, honest, kneeling in front of each other and wrapped in each other's arms. They both had to knock down barriers to get to this point, and it broke them both a little in the process, but now they can start again and move on to something more hopeful.

Just to be clear, this was not planned from the beginning. Wen Ning was never even going to go to Lotus Pier. And once I decided to add that chapter, I only decided to add sex to it a week before posting. So this just kind of happened on its own.

...And I think that's it. I wish this story was longer lol. Seven Nights was supposed to be a 6k oneshot, turned into a near-30k multichap, and I still want to write more. T.T

I might post again about planning/conception for the fic, another diary entry so I don't forget what was going on in my head months or years later when I look back at this story. Idk. Anyway, thanks for reading!

[sagemoderocklee]

2020 has been a weird fucking year, to put it mildly. There have been a lot of ups and downs, and with New Year’s Eve and the start of 2021 upon us, focusing on the ~positive~ seemed like a better way to end the year, and hopefully start 2021 feeling inspired and proud for overcoming this horrendous year.

For many people, it was difficult--even impossible--to get anything done this year (myself included), and that’s okay! But if you were able to make progress on writing projects, even if it was just one or even if it was just part of one, you should celebrate that! I wish I’d thought of this sooner and organized it better, but regardless I wanted to celebrate my own accomplishments with regards to my writing, and encourage others to do the same! I was going to tag people, but I’m not sure with it being 2 hours til midnight for me if that would feel like putting too much pressure on others, so if you want to do this too please do!

This wrap up is honestly just a self-indulgent look back on the works I’ve made and what I learned/gained from each, maybe what I don’t like about them, some totaling on what I did, and some resolutions for the next year. It’s silly, but I think it’s kinda fun and if you missed any of the things I have posted this year, you’ll find them here!

2020 Fic Wrap Up:

Kado: Parts II+III (COMPLETED)

Kado was started in September of 2019 for the @puregaalee​ summer event. This was a last minute thing that I started the day the prompt was due and managed to write the first part in about 6 hours while sitting in a cafe--remember that? Sitting in cafes? Man, I miss that. I hadn’t anticipated working on Kado, but I decided that I was going to finish it this year, and I’m honestly amazed that I did. This fic is sweet and fun, and surprisingly popular, though it isn’t my favorite of my works. However, it is a light, fluffy little romcom modern AU, and I learned a lot with it because despite my struggles with modern AUs and their horrible lack of political intrigue, this fic forced me to work within set parameters. I was only writing a 3 part story, and each part could only be 9 scenes long. For those unfamiliar, kado is another term for Ikebana, and in Ikebana there are specific elements to follow. Certain styles will only use three branches, some will use nine. So my goal was for the structural elements of the fic to mimic Ikebana. In doing this, I was able to do something I don’t usually do, which is keep this story more concise.

I’m still not sure how I personally feel about the ending, but I think endings are always a struggle, especially with something like this.

Gate of Dreaming (COMPLETED) 

This is a fic that I started last year, then left to sit untouched with only 2k words. Getting back into it was a bit difficult because I was writing something very different from my usual: stream of consciousness. This fic was very experimental for me not only because of the stream of consciousness, but also because of the changing tenses. This was another exercise--unexpected though it was--in brevity. With this particular story, it couldn’t be dragged on and on, because--despite the 100 year time span--the events take place within the Infinite Tsukuyomi. This was also the first time I’d worked from Lee’s PoV in quite some time, so that was fun because I do enjoy writing him, but usually write from Gaara’s PoV. This is definitely one of my favorites from this year, and since it had been sitting on the back burner for so long, I’m so excited that I could finally get it done.

Another one where the ending really wasn’t easy to achieve, but I did end up liking it more than I expected, and I think the best thing is that it’s open-ended which leaves room for others to guess at what the future holds.

It Eats Your Heart (WIP)

This was an unexpected fic for me in every way imaginable. Starting another fic? Making another modern AU? Tackling the horror genre? None of those were things I’d planned to do this year, but lo and behold, that’s just what I did. I really enjoy a good bit of horror, but it is NOT an easy genre to work within, and this fic has definitely been a push for me. But with it being such a push, the payoff is far more. Stepping out of my comfort zone is something I like doing, but I think this is the biggest step outside of that and I am so incredibly proud of how that first chapter turned out because of it. I was really able to surprise myself with this fic, and I am hoping to update the next chapter early on in the year.

Absolution (WIP)

This fic is probably the second oldest idea/longest unpublished fic I currently have up. Formerly a much longer title, the idea for this fic came to me in May of 2017 when a friend, @brianadoesotherjunk / @brianadoesart, posted a piece of GaaLee fanart that sparked inspiration. The fic took off, morphed into something much bigger than the one scene depicted by the art, and now 3 years later, the first part is up. Initially, this was meant to be a long shot, but after sitting with this for so long, I realized that I needed to split it up into 9 parts, which allowed me to use this for GaaLee bingo and finally publish it. Much of the first part was already written before this year, but I’d been quite stuck on it until now. This is actually probably one of my favorite GaaLee concepts to date. I remember back in the day, there weren’t a lot of different takes on getting Lee to Suna so he and Gaara could fall in love, so (at the risk of sounding cocky) I think that Lee as a nanny is rather inspired. I think with this fic, I pushed myself the hardest to get past the hurdle of writer’s block and accepted that publishing is probably the best way to motivate myself to keep going. The feedback for this fic has been really motivating, so I think I’m probably right about that.

I do think there are some parts in the middle or towards the end that could maybe use some tightening up, but I’m just happy to finally have this fic out in the world.

The Art of Love: Chapter 11 (WIP)

TAoL is such a ridiculous labor of love. The chapters for this fic are novellas in and of themselves, so each time I update it takes a lot of work to get them out. This fic is one of those like magnum opus type fics. I have put so much into it, and I’m honestly amazed that it’s only been up for 3 years because I’m approaching the halfway mark on it, and I don’t think I expected to be there by now. Despite being able to churn out 30k chapters, I have a hard time focusing on one thing and I often struggle with mental health related writer’s block, so big works are always sort of sporadic in their updates. 

This particular update of TAoL was definitely one of my favorites though. Initially, I didn’t plan to go the sort of dark fantasy rout that I did with Shikamaru, but I actually really love what I’ve done with him, though I worry others won’t be as into it or that the execution isn’t quite there. One thing I would like to work on with future chapters of TAoL, however, is maybe pairing things down a bit--though I’m not sure that’ll always be possible. The next chapter is a Naruto PoV chapter, though, so I expect that one to be a MUCH shorter chapter than the last three and should be able to get it out sometime next year.

Before I could publish this chapter, however, I did go through and make some big changes, which is something I often struggle with because of such long breaks in between working on certain projects. I will say, though, that TAoL continues to push me to greater heights as a writer, and I look forward to actually finishing this fic someday.

Thirteen Strokes: 1 + 2 (WIP)

Another unexpected fic this year, however, this one was actually an idea for about a year, unlike IEYH. This fic has really given me a lot of perspective on my own writing and world building, and has inspired me to sit down and really start committing the things I’ve developed to paper to create a cohesive view of Suna, Wind, and the shinobi world. This fic is meant to be a Romance. Like just full on Romance. I write a lot of tragedy and focus on a lot of darker themes in my writing, so while I don’t think of this as stepping outside of my comfort zone, it is very different from my usual, and a really nice change of pace. I think, in all honesty, it is one of my best works, and I do hope I can continue to deliver on the remaining 11 parts of this story.

if this were the last i felt you breathing (COMPLETED)

Ugh. This fic has been my enemy for 2 long years. I signed up for a Secret Santa exchange, and of course, I regretted doing it when I found that I was not motivated and, after the month of October where I was churning out fic after fic for GaaLee Bingo, that I was massively burned out. I wasn’t able to think past writer’s block, and so I ended up settling on dusting off an old, unfinished piece for my giftee, and I hope they can forgive me for not coming up with something brand new for them.

This fic was a struggle. Working so closely with the canon--following the Rescue Kazekage Arc as closely as I did for this fic--made this a much bigger challenge and this fic sat and sat and sat for two years, untouched and incomplete. I’m still not sure how I feel about it. I know it’s not my best work, but I am glad that this fic isn’t hanging over my head and that I was able to deliver something to my secret santa giftee.

My goal with this fic was to rewrite this particular arc from Lee’s PoV to give more depth to the arc and shift the emotional core of it away from Naruto. Naruto as a character has a lot of flaws that never get addressed, and one of the things that is consistently frustrating for me is the way the emotional core of the series rests on him in unrealistic and often superficial ways. Naruto hasn’t spoken to Gaara in three years, but I’m supposed to believe he’s this affected by Gaara’s kidnapping? Temari and Kankuro are right there! Lee is right there! I wanted to see that, so that’s what I set out to do, and ultimately I don’t think I fully succeeded, but I tried. I guess not everything can be a resounding success

---

This year I managed to do a lot more than I realized. New works, updates, and COMPLETED pieces?! I never would have thought, but staying home gave me more free time, and when I was too broke to work on costumes, writing fanfiction was something free I could do.

Total new works: 5 Total updates: 9 Total completed works: 3 Total words this year: 143,587

---

I have a lot of goals for the coming year, and I know I won’t make all of them, but that won’t stop me from trying.

2021 Writing Resolutions:

Reach 1million words (+238,073 words)

Finish IEYH

Finish Pearl-Filled Lungs

Update TAoL (Chapter 12 and 13)

Update Absolution

Update 13S

Update Find Me (Chapter 6)

Start the Ballad of the Dragon and the Phoenix

Start editing Alliance

Return to working on Honor Bound

Return to working on We Need Not Be Yellow Tulips

[rhyswhitethorn]

Steel and Fire [3]

lmao I WAS SO TEMPTED TO POST THIS 5 DAYS AGO. thank God I didn’t or else I’d have to speed write the rest of the chapters (?) as usual, any ideas to this would be very much appreciated! and should i start a taglist for any of these chapters/upcoming stories?

AO3 version: Steel and Fire [3]

Chapter 1 // Chapter 2

Nesta was lying on her bed, reading, when a knock sounded on the door. 

She placed the book down after marking the page and walked towards the door. Unlocking it, she swung it open and her mate stood there. Cassian held up a half drank coconut shake in one hand, and a mango shake in the other.

“I didn’t know what you liked, so I got you two shakes that I like.”

Typical. 

Nesta held the door open for him and he walked in, smelling of the streets below. Did he walk here?

“In case you were wondering, sweetheart, I decided to take a stroll on the streets you usually take. Quite a scene, I would say. So unlike the mortal Nesta Archeron I had known earlier on.” She tried not to dwell on the thought that he was learning her routine. It was actually nice to know that. Nesta just nodded and grabbed the mango shake from his hand, which she had to admit, she absolutely adored. Nesta was already a regular for the vendor who sold this particular shake.

He smiled as she said thank you, and took a seat on one of the chairs at the small dining table. She took the one on his left. Genuine surprise coloured his face for a short second before he made it neutral again.

“I met Amren. More like caught her on the dining table. She mentioned you. .  barged into her.” Cassian looked at Nesta, waiting for her to continue. Did he know about her dilemma? It would make so much sense to him if she told him. About why she couldn’t accept the bond yet.

Nesta wouldn’t burden Cassian with the pain her heart had felt. Feyre and Rhysand were both broken, but they climbed out that abyss together. As far as she was concerned, Cassian didn’t have any emotional baggage with him. 

“I have unfinished business,” Nesta said. That was all she would allow him to know.

Cassian took her by surprise, however. “With that mortal.”

She blinked at Cassian, who looked worried. “Look, Nesta, I know you won’t accept the bond yet. I know why you won’t accept it. And I’ll damn well keep my promise about him, if that’s what you want. Hell, I’ll be glad to do it. But as your mate, I’m giving you the choice. We can go to the Mortal Lands together, and you can get closure, or, you know, skinning him alive would be fun,” he smirked at that. Trust Cassian to get a joke out of everything, even if it annoyed her at first. Now, that’s exactly what she needed. “That aside, you need to confront him. Your acceptance for the bond is not a priority now.”

This winged Fae was putting her needs first. The Cauldron must have been pranking her, because no way in her forced immortal life did she ever deserve this. She got up, prompting Cassian to get up as well.

“I’m sorry, I think I overstepped with what I said.” Cassian was rumbling now, his face red. The Illyrian Commander was embarrassed. “I think it’s better if I—”

He cut short as Nesta pulled him into a hug, taking care not to touch his wings. Her time at the camps has taught her to never touch an Illyrian’s wings without permission. He wrapped his arms around her, his wings stretching to cover the both of them. She breathed in his scent, the scent that reminded her of the times her father had come home from his business travels. She never realized it until now.

“Thank you,” she whispered, and Cassian’s only reply was to hold her tighter.

“If you want, we can go tomorrow. I’m not trying to rush the bond, but I don’t want you to suffer any longer.” She nodded. The bond was calling to her now, especially when she’s with Cassian. The longer she held out, the stronger its call. Nesta looked up to Cassian and planted a soft kiss on his cheek. He stiffened and smirked.

“What?”

“Can I have another one?”

Fucking prick. 

“Are you serious?” Nesta felt her temper rising, and it didn’t help that he was still smirking at her. 

Cassian just leaned down and kissed her nose softly, before letting her go. Her temper died down at the softness of his kiss, his lips and his face. A year ago, she would’ve slapped him.

Things were different now.

Nesta turned away and headed to the front door, hiding her blush. She opened it, motioning for Cassian to leave. She needed the time to compose herself for tomorrow. 

Cassian walked towards where she stood and winked at her. “See you, sweetheart,” he said, leaving. She half wondered if he’d fly back or take to the roads.

Closing the door, she walked to her bed, placing the mango shake on her bedside table and picking up where she left off. Cassian was a prick, but maybe having him as her mate wouldn’t be so bad. It’d definitely spice up her long life, and she wouldn’t have a dull day of burying herself in novels anymore. And if Feyre was right about the wingspan. .  then her nights wouldn’t be boring either.

She smiled at that.

*

Nesta woke slightly before dawn to get ready. Confronting Tomas Mandray meant that she would finally end whatever ties she had to her mortal life. 

With Cassian at her side. 

Cassian had always been there for her—when the King of Hybern, who had taken her innocence and mortality away, was about to tear her world apart. When she needed help getting into the bathtub at the Illyrian Camps, still struggling after being forced into the Cauldron. And now, with confronting the man she was supposed to marry. 

The Cauldron had truly planned all these. 

Nesta picked up a deep blue gown, much like Azriel's siphons, before she did a double take. She had always donned dresses and gowns, and it was one of her favourite gowns that was ripped under Tomas' hands when he had attempted to rape her. She had worn that gown and met Tomas in hopes that he would propose, even after Feyre had warned her not to. She thought that she could keep him in check, but clearly not. Nesta placed the gown back down, and picked up something else she had been accustomed to wear. 

She hoped the Illyrian leathers she began to strap up made a statement, not only to Tomas, but also to Cassian. 

*

Cassian was staring at Nesta at the doorway. 

Nesta was lounging around, waiting for him to pick her up when he knocked. The look on his face? 

Fucking priceless. 

She took the mango shake from his hand before asking, "What?"

He kept gaping at her, coconut shake forgotten in his other hand. She had to hold his arm before he snapped out of it, the easy smile coming back. "You look hot," Cassian said. 

"Is that all you could come up with? Five hundred fucking years of living and the only adjective that's swimming in your head is hot?" 

Cassian laughed before saying, "Sweetheart, I can tell you how I think you look with my tongue, if you'd prefer. Or I can fuck you well enough so you'd get my point." Nesta stumbled at that. She had fallen right into his bait. "Wearing that is going to make the mortals talk, you know. We're twinning now," he continued and added a wink. 

Nesta surveyed his outfit. Illyrian leathers as well.

"Let them talk," she crooned, closing the door behind her and walking down the street towards the townhouse. 

Cassian grinned. She could tell he liked that idea very much. "Feyre's going to winnow us to the Mortal Lands," he said, taking a step behind her. Thank the Cauldron. Nesta had learnt to winnow between short distances only, and there was no way she was taking flight across Prythian. Not with Cassian pressed against her. Nesta nodded, continuing the rest of her journey keeping quiet. Cassian had caught up to her and the citizens of Velaris kept looking at them. 

Scratch that, they were staring at them in awe. 

Cassian smiled at everyone once in a while, greeting some he personally knew. Nesta plastered a smile, but soon it became genuine. Anyone who walked by Cassian and Nesta waved or said hello. Nesta knew the city loved their High Lord and High Lady, but it never occurred to her their love extended to the Inner Circle. To the Illyrian Commander standing beside her. 

Her Illyrian leathers weren't the only statement. Walking beside him in the City of Starlight was a whole other statement on its own, both for Nesta and Cassian. And he was proud to wear this one. The war Cassian had fought in for this city, the stakes he would go against for his court, he truly deserved this.

She could see the townhouse now. There were less faeries in the residential area. Nesta walked silently, Cassian still at her side when he placed a hand on her lower back. She turned to look up at him. 

"Nesta, before we go, I want you to know that when we meet Tomas, I'll be by your side. If you need help, just say it. No questions asked. Alright?" Cassian said softly. She continued looking at him, his hazel eyes shining with understanding and determination. Deep down, Nesta knew that Cassian would do anything she asked for. If she decided not to go on with this confrontation moments before, he'd listen. He'd bring her back here. Home. 

Home? Was Velaris her new home? 

She never felt that way. Her old house in the Mortal Lands didn't feel that way either. 

Standing underneath Cassian, however. . she felt more at home than she ever did. She unconsciously placed a hand on his cheek, feeling the rough start of a stubble underneath. 

"Thank you," she whispered. He brought his hand up to hold the hand on his cheek, pulling it away slightly to kiss her palm. She shivered a little, feeling the bond shine faintly. She could tell he felt the same by the way he was staring at her, his lips still brushing her palm. Maybe she should accept the bond now. Confront Tomas as a mated couple. She could just turn back to buy him a kebab, or she could ask if there was a more Illyrian tradition he'd prefer to—

“Ready to leave?” Feyre called from outside the townhouse. Cassian whipped his head towards his High Lady, slowly dropping Nesta’s hand. Nesta gradually turned her head, unable to get her eyes off Cassian.

Rhysand walked behind Feyre and sighed. “Look what you've done, Feyre, darling. You've ruined their moment.” Feyre looked up sheepishly to Rhysand, muttering a sorry to the both of them. Cassian just smiled and sauntered towards them, unaware of the choice Nesta almost made. 

Rhysand, however, knew. He gave her an apologetic look before she heard his voice in her mind. Feyre has told me never to tell you things in your head, but Cass would have more pride in accepting the bond after your confrontation. Don't feel obligated to accept the bond now. Nesta’s only reply was a slight dip in her head. She and Rhys had a tough relationship at the beginning, but she soon grew to like the High Lord. Trust was what the foundations of his court was built on, and she had no reason not to believe him.

Feyre gave a knowing look to Nesta, which resulted in Cassian demanding a “What the hell are you two saying?”

“Do you really want to know, Cass? I could show you what Rhysand plans to do —,” Feyre started, only to have Cassian waving his arms in the air to not know, Rhysand chuckling behind. Nesta was grateful for that save.

She walked towards her youngest sister and looked at her. “I’m ready.”

Feyre nodded, kissing Rhysand on the cheek before holding Nesta and Cassian’s hand. “I’ll winnow both of you to Lucien and Jurian’s house. It’s near enough to Tomas,” she said, eliciting a grunt from Cassian. Approval in his language of grunts.

“Don’t kill him, Cass. Let Nesta do it,” Rhysand said, winking at Nesta. Shadows consumed them before she could answer.

*

The house Lucien and Jurian lived in was cosy.

Warm colours bedecked the house, curtains and rugs of varying oranges and browns painting the home. 

This was where the so-called “Band of Exiles” lived at. Nesta knew it was more of an official home, but the atmosphere in this house was lively. She let go of Feyre’s hand, who was unfazed with winnowing them this far, and turned to admire the house, finally setting her eyes on a waiting Lucien by the chimney.

“Hello, Feyre. Nesta. Cassian.” Lucien nodded at each name he listed out, striding over. Feyre merely looked at him before enveloping him in a hug.

“Lucien! Cauldron, I missed you. Why don’t you ever visit?”

Lucien just laughed while Cassian and Nesta awkwardly stood beside each other. “I have other matters to worry about, Feyre. I’ll visit soon, I promise,” he said, glancing towards Cassian towering behind his High Lady. “Um, I’ll let the both of you get on with the things you need to do. I’ll keep Feyre safe.”

Cassian grinned at that, holding Nesta’s shoulders to turn around, pushing her towards the door. Feyre and Lucien broke into laughter at the fact that Cassian had accomplished doing that to Nesta without her snapping at him. But with Cassian, Nesta didn’t seem to mind. She let him lead her out, opening the front door.

It was the middle of spring, and there were flowers blooming everywhere. She recognized most of the flowers that grew here, but with her Fae eyesight, the colours were more extravagant, making her appreciate them even more. Was this what Elain saw in flowers since the beginning? What beauty could she see now? Nesta breathed in, savouring the floral smell. Elain’s garden in Velaris was better, no doubt, but the flowers here reminded her of her mortal life. When all she knew was how to be human.

Twigs crunched under Cassian’s feet, pulling Nesta out of her thoughts. She realized he was waiting for her.

“This way,” Nesta said, turning west and trudging on. Cassian followed silently.

Throughout the walk, she thought about all those times she had walked to Tomas’ house, excited to meet him. She’d take an hour to get ready, putting effort into what she wore and how she did her hair. All that went to shit the moment he crossed the line.

Now it's her turn to give him shit. 

It was a fifteen minute walk to his house. Did she really take the time to come to him last time? It felt like forever, but each step she took towards his house only fueled her need to look him in the eye and square up to Tomas. 

Nesta reached a familiar brick home, spotting a woodpile on the lawn. She walked up the pathway to the front door and stopped, turning to Cassian. It was then she realized he did not bother glamouring his wings away. He grinned at her acknowledgement. 

She grinned back at him and knocked on the front door. 

Moments passed before a woman opened it. Tomas' mother. There were faint bruises on her face and arm, hastily covered up with powder. It may fool the mortal eye, but Nesta and Cassian could see it as clear as stars in the night sky. His mother looked at Nesta, recognizing her yet not in her otherworldly Fae beauty, fear striking in her eyes at Nesta's pointed ears and Cassian's wings. 

A small smile tugged at Nesta's mouth before she said, "I'd like to see Tomas, please." His mother nodded before closing the door. Through the brick walls, Nesta heard his mother say, Tomas, Nesta's here. Nothing else. Good. A great day to get someone shitting their pants. 

Nesta turned to Cassian and motioned him to stand beside the pillar, obscuring him from the view at the front door. Let Tomas think she came alone. 

Two minutes went by and the door opened. Out walked Tomas. 

"Nesta Archeron. What pleasure do I owe—" Tomas started, cutting short when he took note of her pointed ears. Her predatory stillness. The promise in her eyes. 

"It's true then," he whispered, running an eye over Nesta and noting the warrior clothes she had chosen to wear in place of her usual dresses.

Nesta didn't care what was true and what wasn't as she smiled at him. The feline smile she had seen Amren use, one that would get someone running in the opposite direction.

"Tomas Mandray," Nesta just said, side stepping and forcing Tomas to turn, right into Cassian's view. Tomas had paled at the sight of Nesta, but he blanched as he beheld Cassian's towering height and massive wings. Cassian took a step closer but Tomas held his ground, either from his ego or because he wasn't in the right mind to step back.

"What do you want?" Tomas spat out, his heart racing fast. 

Oh, she was going to enjoy this. 

"Remember that night you came after me in the barn? When you tore my favourite dress and tried to rape me?" 

Anger flashed in his face. "I didn't try to rape you. You wanted it as much as I did." 

Men and their ever changing stories.

"You know I didn't want it. I said no, yet you still came after me."

"What do you want?" he repeated. 

"I want you dead." His eyes were filled with terror now, but she had to give him credit for attempting to keep a neutral face. If it weren't for his eyes, his scent definitely gave it off. "But I'm not that kind of person, so an apology would do." Nesta had settled on that. No good would come if she were to kill him, and attempted rape had no closure. So yes, an apology. 

Tomas laughed darkly. “What makes you think you deserve that? You were meant to marry me. I was allowed to take whatever I wanted from you.”

Nesta had to stare at him coolly and take a few seconds before answering, only so she wouldn’t explode. She could feel the waves of rage coming off from Cassian, yet he remained still, unspeaking, out of the respect he had for Nesta’s wishes.

Only when she asked for help would he interfere.

“As far as I’m concerned, a woman is not yours if she has not been legally married to you. I was still under my father’s care, and I remember our laws as clearly as you do.”

Tomas smirked as he said, “I may not have gotten what I wanted from you, but I’m certain half of Prythian had.”

Before she could register the sentence, Tomas slapped her. Pain sparked through her cheek, shock keeping her in place. 

And that was when Cassian striked.

Tomas was pinned against the brick wall in seconds, both their faces red with rage. He clawed at Cassian's hand around his throat, but Cassian was far stronger than him. The Commander was snarling at his face as he gritted out, "Apologize."

Nesta sighed. "He can't apologize if you're blocking out his airway." 

Cassian realized the science behind that and loosened his grip ever so slightly. Tomas turned his head towards Nesta, still trying to claw his way out, and spat at her feet. 

No apology then, not when there’s no remorse. She had suspected as much and had kept a back up plan. Time to do this her way. With threats. Just like what she did to the King of Hybern. 

She walked to Cassian's side and pulled out an Illyrian dagger from its sheath on his thigh, angling it right between Tomas' legs. He began to struggle against Cassian's hold to no avail. 

"If I hear you attempt to rape some other poor girl, I'll cut your piss poor favourite part and feed it to the crows. If I hear you raped someone, I'll skin you alive with this very blade, and feed you to the many, horrifying creatures we have in Prythian. Understood?" Tomas only stared at her, so she pressed the blade harder against him. "Understood?" 

Tomas nodded, keeping his body rigid underneath the sharp dagger. She released the hold she had on him, prompting Cassian to do the same. 

Tomas held his throat, red from Cassian's iron grip. He quickly opened the door and ran in, but not without whispering, "Cunt," at Nesta. The door was shut quickly and she was sure Cassian would burn down the house with the entire Mandray family in it, seeing that he was about to grip the handle. She reached out and grabbed his arm. 

"Cassian. It's fine. It's settled." As good as it can get. Some people will never change, she's learnt, but she truly hoped her threats had scared Tomas enough so no one else would fall victim to his flirtatious smiles. Nesta walked down the patio, Cassian falling in step. She fingered the blade before declaring, "I'm keeping this." 

He stopped and watched her strap it to her thigh, just like he had done before. "Are you sure?" 

"Yes. Why wouldn't I be?" Cassian nodded and walked towards Lucien's house, Nesta following closely. 

 *

They had dinner at Lucien's, Jurian nowhere to be seen. 

He's at the continent, checking up on Vassa's curse, Lucien had claimed. 

After a good laugh about Nesta's threats, and many promises between Lucien and Feyre about visiting each other, Feyre winnowed the both of them and herself back to Velaris. Cassian had only bade them goodbye and flew off to the House of Wind, mumbling something about seeing Azriel regarding his reports. 

Nesta stood in the sitting room, dumb founded at Cassian's abrupt leaving. 

"What's that all about?" Feyre asked Nesta, and she shrugged. Nesta felt like the trip to Tomas had been eventful, and she felt more at peace than she ever did. She had enjoyed Cassian's overprotectiveness, but never had the chance to thank him. Not when dinner had circulated around Feyre and Lucien’s antics.

She smelled the faint scent of rain and citrusy salt before she saw Rhysand come through the doorway. 

"How was the trip, ladies?" Rhysand said, walking over to kiss Feyre on the top of her head. He surveyed her from the top to bottom, and then moved on to do the same to Nesta. 

His eyes stopped at the Illyrian dagger strapped to her thigh. 

"Did he give you that." 

Feyre turned to look at the blade, then back to her mate. "Why? What's wrong?" Rhysand stayed quiet, until Nesta quietly said, "I took it from him." 

"He let you do that?" She nodded and his breath hitched. 

Feyre's face whitened as Nesta knew Rhysand was explaining everything to her through the bond. "Well, spit it out," Nesta said, patience running thin. 

They glanced at each other before Rhysand said, "In Illyrian traditions. . mating bonds are accepted when the female takes an Illyrian weapon from a male." Nesta understood before he finished. "And he let you take his." 

Fuck. 

She had accepted the bond without knowing. 

“Didn’t Azriel lend his blade to Elain last year?” 

Rhysand knew what she meant. “There’s no bond between them and she gave it back.”

Nesta unsheathed the dagger and looked at it.  The rare steel, the craftsmanship and design, and most importantly, the intricate words of a forgotten language written into it. She wondered what it said. 

"And what is supposed to come next?" she dared ask. 

It was Feyre, this time, who answered. 

"The actual mating." 

Trailing her fingers along the sharp end, Nesta knew. She knew from the bottom of her heart, she wanted Cassian. The confrontation with Tomas only gave her more reason to want Cassian by her side. To face their fears together.

The faces of the High Lord and High Lady lit up when Nesta said, “Take me to the House of Wind. I want to see my mate.”