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tassodelmiele · 7 months ago

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Skin's red where the heart beats the most

Soft, warm, sad, with a gentle ending Ghost x Soap

Yes, yes, there's no smut in here, what in the bloody hell it's happening omg.

Menstruation hit just worst than usual this month, and I NEEDED something sad but kind, with tears but hugs.

I was about to draw a thing 'bout it, but my drawing abilty had just flew out of the window.

Sorry for the unrequested sadness. And for the totally random verbal tenses.

What a month.

What a period of time.

What a what, in the goddamn whatever, are we living.

..........

He had pointed his sight at the drawing, hazel eyes on the brushed shadow around the sketched man's shoulder and chest as if it was a life print. Ghost had made Soap stop with a single glance and those two words muffled under the balaclava.

<'S blood. Changes the skin's tone>

<Here's just a bit reddere ‘cause of rendering reasons. Also, 's where the sun hits the most>

The colored pencil made one last stroke before the rest. Soap's fingers were brushed on the rough paper surface, a caress so gentle that Ghost had almost felt it on himself.

And that was when Soap's gaze had turned to Simon, sited behind him like a judgmental wall, curled in crossed arms, hoodie and gloves and with eyes hitting the dim light of the safe house. A glimpse of curiosity hit the work of art, and the artist's reply was a mumbled:

<'S just a sketch, Lt.>

<A pretty good one> and that made Soap chuckle in his gear. <Anatomy seems accurate enough>

<Dunno, if I have to give my take on it> Ghost had lowered just what was needed to peek at the portrait a little better, mumbled on Soap's shoulder: <Ya've drawn more accurately than this. I don't spot red on my chest, unless I'm bleeding>

Soap had turned so suddenly, jerking his torso in a rotation move that had almost made his spine squeak.

And in a blink of an eye, he had been facing the Lieutenant's big, black disguised eyes, the solo glimpse of warm light in a silent night concert.

<What 'bout> he had kept on asking with his eyelids steady, not willing to lose a single bit of that eye contact <when ye feel?>

Ghost had frowned.

<Like, when I feel the bruise?>

And Soap's shoulders had made a little jump.

It could have ended there, hidden between the cracked wall; a secret held for eternity, signed in red and locked with the last mixed glance of ancient gold and deep water.

It could have ended in a glimpse of an eye, a wing stroke, just the recall of a shadow on the wall.

But that shadow was hanging on his masked face, livid in the colors of a death that was not calculated, not researched, not wanted.

...

<Lt.?>

Stormy thoughts had gotten him so well he didn't even realize Soap had come in, a big cup of tea in one hand and a worried sight printed on his face, stronger than his curiosity.

Sergeant wavered on the doorstep.

The only window was open; so peculiar, so odd, almost atypical. Nothing more than warm summer air was flying through the small meeting room, emptied just one hour ago to speak about the order of the day. Nothing particular: some kinda illegal traffic carried on by a Mexican family, something about new members of the cartel that were trying to get a piece of the drug monopoly cake.

Ordinary, common matters to be discussed in the Task Force's file filled with every crumb of sin traceable in human's brain.

Everything was good. Everything was about to be calculated.

But a name.

And the flame's echo had caged the walls with him inside, suddenly tied by the throat in front of a flashback he had prayed to be able to not see anymore in his sleep.

The light, wooden sound of the mug put on the table was enough to warn Ghost how much Soap was near his scratched eyes; he turned to the window, pretending a masked ball of boldness and a cough of disappointment.

<Ye've stayed here for a bloody hour>

No comments. Johnny came closer with the audacity of a famished cat trying to share the same prey with a wolf, head down, ears up and heart gulped deep in the guts.

‘Cause that was the correct reaction, the right amount of feeling digging a hole in his chest, chocking his breath at the sight of a living reference, a statue hidden in the dark, some sorta totem he’d looked at in the worst night possible, through crossfires and death sentences, just as a baby could stare at his star-shaped light bulb and feeling safe before falling asleep.

And how do you explain to a kid that a bad, big, scary man had broken into his room and tore his light into pieces?

Two minutes of silence sounded like an eternity. Soap gulped a breath, lowering his eyes just to pretend to not have seen Ghost's back jerk under a hidden sob.

<Sorry> he just muttered, ready to leave the room stiffed with something that was just scraping his heart apart.

Till something brushed his hand; and his heart skipped a couple beats as eyes caught Ghost's fingers trying to lace a bond between the two of them, his hand just as close as what it was needed to touch him in a rush before Soap got away.

And he was so desperate, so vivid in his need to be held and have his brain teared apart by tears, that Simon didn't even think about how it would have been better tear away the water from his gold-engraved irid before showing himself wet and broken, fallen.

Lost.

The mug attended silently at the outburst, almost trembling on the table as Johnny caught Simon by the hoodie, pulling him toward him with digits digging in the black fabric, surrounding every inch of that man so big he was difficult to handle, even all curled on himself. Ghost felt his head being pushed into Soap's hollow neck, and there he allowed himself to breathe a low, grumbled, chocked cry, wetting the sergeant's t-shirt with no more regret.

Arms squeezed muscles at their limits just to try and hold Simon together, to not let him slip away in his dangerous train of thoughts about to derail.

Just to be stopped by an almost inaudible: <'S ok>, whispered muffled on his t-shirt.

Johnny's answer was a stronger hold onto Ghost, and the end of the sentence was a spit:

‘Cause Roba’s name was too fresh as a wound, still opened on Simon's heart, still hurting so bad. And, of course, everyone could read a bloody dossier, nothing special about the whole task force knowing there was something still buried and burning behind the skull mask.

Everyone could read.

Feeling was something else, though.

Just a heart pierced by a poisoned nail could have been compared with what Soap had seen in Ghost's eyes when Roba's name had appeared on their files.

<I'll survive>

That had been Ghost's excuse since the dawn of time.

<No>

Johnny's digits started a light move, catching the Lt. by surprise as the fingers moved so gently around the balaclava, brushing it in a kind motion as he allowed Simon to just dig a safe place in his chest.

<Ye'll live>

Hands touched the mask as delicately as if they were handling a crystal jewel, engraving every bit of covered skin with the tact of an artist cleaning his masterpiece from dust, adjusting the lights and darkness with gentle brushes, setting the most precious ruby in the tiniest gold nest.

Then, with a last, warm, unexpected kiss, Johnny knocked on Simon's doorstep, quietly putting his fingers through the mask, just the tip, just to ask if he, maybe, could come in and bring him some quiet, some calm, some serenity.

Simon's back started to jerk, little by little, in an overflowing crescendo he had kept caged for a little too long.

And Johnny let him do everything, accepted every tear, embraced every silent weep suffocated on his chest, ready to become a safe blanket for once in his life. His fingers dug a little deeper under Simon's balaclava, pressing gently on the scratched skin he was trying to map under his touch. A warm, nice wave, maybe a little wet, entangled Soap's hands.

<I could draw you blindfolded> he whispered, framing Simon on him to better shape himself to be what the man needed to feel finally safe, protect, shield, just for a minute, the time of a couple heartbeats would have been enough.

Ghost's cheeks welcomed Soap's touch, burying little by little in that safe nest with a slow, clumsy jiggling motion.

<See?> Johnny asked, looking through his hands as if he was making Simon's soul a portrait in red and gold, brushing two delicate blushed strokes with his fingers where the skin was warmer, where the tears had dug a little more, where there was needed a little bit of kindness.

..........

#call of duty #call of duty modern warfare #cod #cod fanfic #fanfiction #simon ghost riley #johnny soap mctavish #ghost x soap #gentle hug and sad tears cause i need a soft hug right now #please hug a little bit more #i can assure you we humans need a little physical touch from time to time #cod mwii #cod mwiii #writer on tumblr #I haven't even read that after finishing i just needed to write it down somehow

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blueberrybladelemonade · 1 year ago

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Colors of Chance

Pepperman x Reader

(Inspired by another lovely comic by @pervertedindividual this is for you, fren🫂💜)

Comic by them:

Takes place after Y/N's first meeting with Pepperman from Colors of Expression but diverges from that fic completely after that! You don't need to read that fic for this one!

Contains: The anthropomorphic pepper makes fun of you. Again. A very tiny amount of angst. Fluff ending.

"Oh! It's that Y/N girl again." How fortunate that Pepperman had the chance to see you again. It had been weeks since he seen you last at the studio. He cringed inwardly as he recalled your (deserved) tirade at him. You had come into the studio one other time since that day. What happened instead was that you had opened the door, locked eyes with his, and simply turned around and left.

"Hmm." You click your tongue, startled at the sudden voice nearby.

"Hello there".

"Oh. It's you." You scoff and wipe your hand with a dry rag. "Don't worry I'll be taking my ugly art elsewhere".

"No need I want you to stay." Pepperman stepped towards you and pat you on the shoulder. He wants me to...stay? You give him a silent look to continue as your heart fluttered just a tiny bit.

"I think we got off on the wrong foot last time so how about we start over on good terms"?

You pause for a moment, before giving him a small smile. "Okay".

"Splendid!" He replies, giving you a smile of his own. "So what are you creating?" He asked, glancing over your shoulder at your latest work.

"Well, I'm doing a finger painting of this-" he stifled a laugh. "Wha-Hey! What's so funny?! You snap, feeling heat rise at the back of your neck.

"Finger painting on a big canvas? Quite bohemian don't you think?" He lets out a laugh.

You snort. "So?"

"Wouldn't it be better and more efficient to use brushes instead"?

What a jerk. you felt your eye twitch. So much for getting off on the wrong foot. At some point you tuned out his voice as he continued mocking your art. Your nostrils flared.

"To be honest I think it's cute-"

An exasperated yell torn from your throat, drowning out what ever other critique this overgrown vegetable was spewing. Pepperman's mouth dropped taken aback by the shift in your demeanor.

"Must you judge everything! Where do you get off from criticizing others, huh"?! You snarl.

"I-"

"No! Forget it! This was a mistake." You felt a burning prickle in the corner of your eyes and spun around before tears threatened to spill over.

"And to think I looked up to you." You choked out, barely audible to even yourself.

* * * * *

As you grumbled to yourself as you sunk into the couch. Meeting your idols is a mistake. You huff and cross your arms, glaring into the empty space.

Many months ago there had been a local art convention that caught your attention. You remembered reading the article and the hosted events and grew curious. You had never been to something like this and on a whim decided to make that your plan for the week.

There had been a variety of talents that day. Light and airy melodies echoed throughout the hallways as you took in the drawings around you. Some were vivid hues, some all done in black in white. More still were all of the different styles, all as unique as the artists.

As the day progressed you claimed a seat in the auditorium. You settled yourself in the middle of the row, not too close and not too far away from the podium and waited. That's when you had met him.

You couldn't remember much, if anything, about the other speakers that had come and gone. The individual that stuck out to you that day was a massive pepper that had taken the podium. He had introduced himself as Phil Pepperman and you very clearly recalled how eloquent he spoke. Even his euphemisms were almost poetic as he discussed his art and what he was passionate about.

From what you had learned was that he was rising in fame in your town. He was very strict in his art techniques, refusing to diverge and add any elements not matching what ever style he was emulating.

While you disagreed with the notion of never adding your own twist to your art, you had respect Pepperman for it. His strict adherence to each style was something you could admire. As he displayed some of his illustrations on the projector - side by side with other works in those specific styles - you almost couldn't tell the creators apart.

That was his talent and Pepperman almost had it down to a science. He could mimic most styles he studied and depict what ever he had wanted in it. The downside, however, was that unconventional methods were something he looked down on.

A small scowl formed on your face as you took another sip of your drink. That didn't give him an excuse to be such an asshole though.

Truth be told, you had begun looking up art Pepperman had created and sometimes you'd see his creations on display at festivals. His art was always something you could recognize but maybe that had more to do with the fact he drew himself in various styles. A lot.

Pompous jerk. He only- you jolt up with a start, the sudden screaming from your phone almost causing you to drop it.

"Hello"?

"Hi is this Y/N?" The caller asked.

"Uh, yes"?

"Hi Y/N It's Dave from the studio. I was cleaning out the racks today and noticed you left one of your paintings here. Did you want to collect it or should we throw it out"?

"O-oh," "Thank you, I didn't know I left something there. I'll come get it tomorrow".

You exchange a few more pleasantries before coming up with the excuse that you needed to go.

* * * * *

You arrive at the studio and weave through the random people to make your way to the wall. Most times you didn't mind lingering and making small talk but you weren't in the mood today. There were paintings, clay, and brushes were set to dry or to return to another day.

As you locate your name labelled above one of the slots, you the pull out the canvas and your eyes widen. It was the painting you had been working on last week that you abandoned. A few places had smeared paint, another few had grass and dirt clung and dried into it. That aside though, it was intact. But why was it here?

You quirk a brow as you see a bright green paper folded and taped to the side. The note comes off easily enough and you pull it open.

Y/N if able, could you meet me at the rooftop of Tirizia's this Sunday?

~PP

You let out a huff as you eyes lock onto the all too familiar signature.

Seriously? Why? What did he want? Wasn't Tirizia's that restaurant with the fancy rooftop garden?

* * * * *

It was.

Ivy grew along the stone walls with an occasional pop of color from a flower. As you looked further inside, a large stone and marble structure was in the center of the restaurant. Glass from overhead had filtered light directly onto it as water tumbled down from the peak. From the base there was a small pond surrounded by tables where you could sit and feel the light mist.

Your eyes settled on the stairwell in the distant corner. A trail of flowers lined the railing all the way up and at the top you could see a faint arch illuminated softly. Very briefly you argued with yourself if you should just turn and walk out. Why did you want to meet Pepperman, anyway? He turned out to be insufferable and hated your art. Yet he went out of his way to take your painting to the studio.

Despite wanting to leave, you found your legs carrying you up each step to the rooftop.

"Ah, there you are Y/N." You glance to the side and see Pepperman sitting at a table with a canvas in front of him. There was an empty space beside him with an equally blank canvas, unoccupied.

You eye Pepperman suspiciously as he gestures for you to sit next to him. You shake your head and only take a few steps towards him. This probably wouldn't take long, the minute he started to say anything critiquing you, you were leaving.

"Thank you for saving my terrible painting and taking it to the studio, but you didn't have to".

Pepperman gives you a small frown, "Why do you think it's terrible"?

Your stare at him in disbelief. "Well let's see. The first time you seen my art, you called it a "tragic amalgam" and THEN last week you made fun of me for finger painting on a large canvas. Like who does that? Why do you think..."

"Y/N".

You can't even hear him, instead you continue your rant. "I mean seriously, just because its 'bohemian' at least I CAN add my-"

"Y/N"! Pepperman shouts over you, losing his composure for a moment.

You stop and purse your lips, a scowl flashing across your face. Why did you think you should try talking with Pepperman a THIRD time? You should've left like you were going to. Instead you flinch as he strode over to you and clasps a hand on your shoulder.

He looks away, lowering his eyes to the restaurant below. "I said your art was cute".

"Wha-"?

"I think your finger painting was cute. It was unorthodox and yet you were quite content. Despite the huge mess." He chuckled to himself.

"I...huh"? You couldn't but remain rooted in place. Pepperman actually...thought your art was cute?

"So why didn't you just say that instead of making fun of me?" You glared but your eyes shone with a mix of curiosity.

"Because it's unorthodox. You're an eccentric one, Y/N. I can't make sense of your methods or techniques." His eyes returned your gaze, "You don't follow any rules to what you create, you simply do what you like. It's both whimsical and confusing for one who always follows guidelines and tradition".

As Pepperman finished speaking silence spread between you both. You remained speechless as you tried to process what he had said, only the echo of water and voices from below were heard.

After what felt like minutes Pepperman slowly returned to his seat, as he sat down he looked back at you expectantly.

You clicked your tongue and sat in front of the other canvas. The objects in front of you weren't food, you realized, it was assorted paints.

Pepperman gives you a nervous smile, "I was hoping you would allow me the honor of finger painting with you..."

You crack a wide smile, "With no brushes".

"With no brushes." He repeats and nods, "On a large canvas overlooking this splendid balcony".

You shift and get comfortable in the chair and look over the colors you had. A small groan is heard and you cast a sideways glance at Pepperman. You stifle a laugh as he tentatively picks up a container of bright blue paint. He looked uncomfortable, as he dipped a finger into the thick mixture, but that was a small price to pay as you let out a laugh.

#pizza tower #pepperman x reader #pepperman #pizza tower x reader #🫐bladezfics #pizza tower fanfic

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plantinghobbies · 1 year ago

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Growing Pains

Two: Sure I’d Never Be Found

Author’s Note: Back from some traveling and finally had dedicated time to write. I’ve been overwhelmed by the support for the first chapter. Thank you so much, revisiting your notes kept me motivated when I struggled to focus or hit a block. The incredible @solipsisticno1 also helped keep my ass in gear. This’ll be a fast and slow burn (I’m a Gemini so cannot escape my love for duality). Welcome all constructive critique, favorite parts, questions, etc - so grateful for any and all feedback. Ok, here’s more of Tess and Matty.

It’s the longest he’s spent near mountains since he left home. Growing up, the idea of vastness had scared him; he doesn’t like to be reminded of how small and microscopic his existence is in the very grand scheme of things. Sometimes, he’ll lie awake at night fixated on just how tenuous life is, how quickly something outside of his control could end it. He wonders what he’d be remembered for – his art or his infamy? On particularly bad days, he wonders if he’d be remembered for long at all.

But the panoramic views of the peaks from the house the label rented him have the opposite effect. After years of touring in cramped bunks and living in packed cities, he feels the space around him palpably, like he’s been curled into a ball for too long and is finally able to stretch out.

When he’d announced his plans to spend the band’s hiatus working on some solo material with Jack in the States, he’d been most nervous about telling his band mates. Even though they’d always been supportive of each other branching out in various ways, this felt different somehow. It was one thing for George to work on remixing the odd single or producing with other artists, it was quite another to put out a whole solo record as Matty was planning, with a potential tour as well. But, as they had for the last twenty years, the guys had his back one hundred percent.

What he hadn’t anticipated was the call from his mum that came in the night before he left. She’d seemed antsy when he’d seen her for a bon voyage dinner two nights ago, but he chalked it up to her not wanting to say goodbye.

“Matthew, I’m still not sure if I should even be telling you this, had to really talk myself up to it. But I know I’d be kicking myself later if something happened.” There’s a tremor in her voice that he hasn’t heard in years.

Oh God, he thinks, she’s sick. Worse, she’s dying. His mind already flashing to her funeral, him attempting to perform a song for her before he breaks down in tears, failing her in this final act.

“You know I am so proud of you, and I wouldn’t ever dream of questioning your sobriety. But you’ve never been on your own like this without your support system – and lord knows neither have I – but it’s not easy. So I just need to say be careful, be vigilant, ask for help when you need it. I’m a plane ride away.”

The indignation that reared up at him was visceral. 34 years old, several years in recovery, and she still didn’t trust him. Looking back, he knows he could have handled it better. He’s proud of himself for not blowing up at her, something a younger version of him would have absolutely done. But he knows he was curt, wanting to punish her, inflict hurt like what had welled up in him at the thought that his own mum doubted him.

After the first few days of wandering his house, un-showered and aimless, he’d begun to see what his mother meant. The process of writing and recording is inherently unstructured, at least for him, filled with days where he does nothing and nights of manic activity. It’s him, sitting around with his own thoughts, picking at the scabs and scar tissue of his past. He didn’t realize how much he relied on the rhythm of others - the band, the tour - to provide structure for him. For the first time in his life, he is without those things, and the space that it creates feels like a blessing and a curse.

In the couple of weeks since, he’s settled in a bit more, has found a gym and can now navigate to Jack’s studio and back without relying on his phone. The word routine has always rubbed him the wrong way, evoking images and associations that make him uneasy. Boring. Pedestrian. Old. When he left rehab, they’d armed him with a written routine to help ease his transition back to his “everyday life.” It was cookie cutter shit that he hadn’t even done in rehab, let alone out of it – daily meditation, making his bed, a gratitude journal. One glance at the word and the list of to-dos had him pulling up his dealer’s number before the plane had even landed.

When he finally got clean for good, a new therapist suggested he develop a structure in lieu of a routine. At first, Matty didn’t understand the difference, and he’d worried that he’d once again sunk a ton of time into bettering himself only for the system to fail him.

“What do you like to do for fun?” His therapist, David, asked. The question caught him off guard, he was expecting the beginnings of a diatribe on the benefits of eating healthy.

“You mean, besides heroin?” Matty often tried to get a rise out of David but had yet to succeed, his shit-eating grin met with nothing more than a stoic quiet. Sometimes, when he was bored or couldn’t focus during their session, he’d imagine what David’s home life was like. What does this guy do for fun? Is he a Saturday golfer and Sunday churchgoer like he looks? Or does David leave the prim façade at work, shedding his tweed jacket on his way to a BDSM club or an after-hours rave?

Finally, David indulges him. “Yes, besides heroin.”

That was easy. “Music.”

“Ok, but music is also your job, which can be a source of stress. What do you like to do besides making music?”

He’s embarrassed to admit he’s a bit stumped. Over the years, he’s amassed a laundry list of abandoned hobbies – some lasting for a few days, others a few months. But only one has ever lasted long-term. Well, social media but that’s more of a habit he’s adopted to avoid other, worse vices.

“Umm, honestly, I don’t know. I haven’t really ever been able to keep up with one long-term besides writing songs.”

“Ok” David smiled “let’s start there.”

In the end, he was glad that he stuck with it. Nowadays, Matty had a simple list of things that he liked to do that help him feel his best – he isn’t regimented about doing them, which he thinks is how he’s been able to stick with it for so long. They didn’t cure his addictive cravings but they kept them at bay. He still resented the amount of effort that was required for him to have a “normal” day - but it was better than the alternative.

Given how late he got in from the studio the night before, he should still be in bed. He and Jack had been holed up for almost two days straight, capitalizing on a burst of creative energy that had them laying down the rough cuts of three songs and the outlines of a fourth. When Jack had finally gone home to Margaret, he’d kicked Matty out of the studio as well, demanding that he shower, eat and sleep – in that order. He’d caught a few hours of shut eye but the chord progression he’s stuck on has him unable to quiet his mind enough to rest. What’s new? Unable to even muster the focus needed to make tea, he settles for coffee instead. The expensive coffee machine gurgles next to him as he stares out the window, realizing that he can’t remember the last time he’d been outside. Maybe “touching grass” (he refuses to admit that he might be too old for certain phrases) would help unstick it?

It’s the first time the front porch has seen any action since his arrival and he takes a minute to get situated, shifting his chair this way and that. Finally satisfied, he looks up just in time to catch the vaguely familiar side profile of a woman walking by with her dog. Before the image registers in his brain, she’s gone. He finishes his coffee then heads out to jui jitsui before meeting Jack.

That afternoon is one of the most productive days in the studio so far, he feels like they’re getting somewhere. He’s desperate to sustain the momentum, to try to quell the intrusive, insecure thoughts that he can’t do this on his own. No amount of encouragement from Jack has helped, he needs to see it for himself.

He’s not above relying on superstition and decides to do everything the same the next day, including watching the sunrise on the porch, staring at the coffee as he swirls his mug. The jingling of a leash has him tilting his head up, eyes journeying up long legs, tracing an hourglass figure that had been hidden by the bar, meeting her piercing eyes – yep, that’s her. He leans forward in his seat, casting about for a witty comment to put her on her heels the way she had put him on his with that story the other night. But he doesn’t get a chance, her eyes seeming to look right through him as she passes by.

At first, he convinces himself that she just didn’t see him, unable to accept that he hadn’t left any impression on this woman. The next few days find him inching his chair closer and closer to the sidewalk each morning, but her and her dog just sail past without a second glance, seemingly immune to his presence. And listen, he’s not a dickhead - it’s not like she owes him any acknowledgement. He understands more than most how rare uninterrupted time to yourself can be in this day and age. But he hears her daily greeting to the older man who sits on his porch reading the paper a few doors down! So, it feels like she’s ignoring him specifically and intentionally – and the question of why is driving him mad. It scratches at sensitive scar tissue where his admittedly oversized ego meets a more fragile self-esteem, seizes on feelings of being unremarkable and weaponizes them. Has his overactive mind casting about for various reasons for her silence, most of them bad. She doesn’t recognize him, not even from the other night. Or worse, she does.

The rest of the week in the studio is a bit of a wash.

Saturday finds him bored and antsy, with little to do and even less motivation. Trying to occupy himself, he sets his sights more firmly on getting a rise out of her, any acknowledgement really. Just to get her to crack once, he tells himself, and then he’ll leave it be. He doesn’t dwell on why he gets so bothered by apathy, physically shakes away memories that surface uninvited in his mind - his mother’s glazed expressions, his exhaustive attempts to garner her attention. Getting a reaction from people was his coping mechanism long before it was his job.

Pulling the Adirondack chair - so cliche but also so bloody comfortable – right up to the fence, he positions it at an angle in clear view of the sidewalk. Sure enough, as she approaches, her eyes land on him from behind her sunglasses. He only knows this because her step falters slightly, head dipping into the barest of nods as she passes. The thrill that Matty gets from even this subtlest reaction is a welcome change from the monotony of the last few weeks. He can imagine what George would say if he saw this “Christ mate, you’ve got to get out more.” But George isn’t here, none of them are – and that’s the problem isn’t it?

The next day, it becomes clear that she is, in fact, fucking with him. She’s walking toward him, her mouth opens to speak – Matty slides forward in his chair at the sight, ready to declare victory – and then curls it into a smirk at his earnest reaction. It’s obvious enough that it had to be intentional. Oh, game on.

His tendency to hyper-fixate is a blessing and a curse, making him a better artist but an occasionally insufferable human. He’s determined to not let her get the best of him this time around, spending downtime in the studio brainstorming how to get her to break first. The answer comes to him as he’s standing outside, having a cigarette between writing sessions. The sign hanging in the window across the street is just too cringe, too cliche, too absolutely perfect to ignore and Matty strolls out of the store with it not two minutes later.

The next morning, he’s giddy with anticipation. As she turns the corner her head is down, almost as if she’s determined not to see or been seen. At the last second though, she glances up and clocks the sign leaning against the outside of the fence right, him seated next to it with a sly smirk on his face. She stops, stares, and then - right as he’s certain she’s going to maintain their silent standoff - she barks out a laugh. It is loud and raucous and feels like a well-won prize after two weeks of continuous effort.

“Oh my god, where did you get that?” She seems surprised to hear the sound of her own voice. If she’s disappointed that she’s “lost,” it doesn’t show. He begins to tell her, in his trademark roundabout way, a winding story about the fucking writing block that him and Jack ran into which led to him being outside, to seeing the store but then back around to the song that he was working on. She is nodding along but glances at her watch twice, the dog trying to pull her to keep moving, bored of him. She opens her mouth to interrupt him, a split-second pause where she huffs and seems to question herself, before rushing out with “Listen, I gotta get this guy to the park or he’ll have a meltdown, you can tell me the rest as we walk.”

She walks on, not giving him a chance to respond as he hustles to catch up with them. He meets her on the sidewalk the next morning, not giving her a chance to pass him by again.

#Matty Healy fanfiction #Matty Healy fanfic #the 1975 #the 1975 fanfic

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kodiescove · 5 months ago

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Hello Tumblr

I would like some YouTube channel recommendations.

I'm specifically looking for content that isn't really all that serious. Like... Yeah, it can be educational, but it's okay if I'm not paying 100% attention to it and doing something else like crocheting or playing video games while I have the video in the background.

My only real stipulations are that it is positive and more wholesome leaning. I don't want to watch/listen to anything where people are talking about politics (I will seek that out when I am in a good headspace, and due to the way YouTubes algorithm works I don't want to consume political media on YouTube because in my experience if you watch a handful of videos on a topic your feed turns into only that and it can be hard to correct) and I don't want to watch/listen to anything where the whole point of the content is tearing into anyone or roasting/shit talking anyone(even if that person is, in fact a shitty person. I just don't get anything out of that content except feeling worse). Other topics I do not want recommended to me are any form of abuse or assault.

My areas of interest are:

Crochet

Painting

Anything art really

Movies/TV shows

Books

Video games

Music

(with the last 4, the type of content id want recommended to me is content that talks about why a certain Movie/Show/Game/Song works or doesn't work so I can learn from that person's critique of the piece to apply to my own writing)

But honestly as long as the content has a positive vibe to it, I'll give it a shot!

And, if you are a YouTuber, absolutely feel free to plug your content! Id love to check out your channel!

I just need to find new creators and artists to watch/listen to for when I want to watch/listen to something, but I don't really have the energy to focus as much as I'd need to for like a movie or one of my audiobooks if that makes sense.

#youtube #youtuber #youtube channel #youtube recommendations

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angelsdean · 2 years ago

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I kind of get your point but also all art and creativity should be open to criticism. As an artists you have to have a thick skin. You can't go around expecting people to only have positive opinions. Negative and Positive deserve to be shared and as an artist you decide what you ignore. If I read a bad fic and choose to share why I dislike it the author can choose to ignore me, realize what the target audience is or isn't, or take the criticism to improve something.

People sharing negative criticism also helps audiences choose what they consume and that has value. It's like restaurant reviews you need to see the good and the bad where people say "lacked salt for my taste" to help make a decision.

full stop if you need other ppl's opinions to make your own decision on whether you should be reading something then you need to develop better skills. someone else's opinion shouldn't hold that much weight. just look at the thing yourself and decide.

i'm not going to get into a debate over this. but there is a time and place for criticism and there's a difference between offering someone constructive criticism to improve and leaving unnecessary mean comments or publicly dragging someone's work for the "bit" or to seem funny-ironic-whatever on tumblr dot com. reblogging someone's art or writing just to dunk on it is not okay. people in fandom are not making these things as a job, it's a fun hobby! i've been in professional and academic writing and art critique workshops. there is always a basic level of respect given when critiquing people's work. that etiquette is not often found online where people will tear apart someone's work under the guise of "constructive criticism." fandom artists and writers did not sign up for a workshop, they're not sharing their work for unsolicited criticism. they're doing it for fun as an act of sharing something they made with others who have similar interests !!!

if you can't appreciate they act of creation as a form of connection, joy, and love between people and can only think of how to tear others down because your need to "critique" something is so great then idk what to tell you. (also. what to "consume"? what has "value'? art and writing and really any creative work is not for consumption. things made of joy and creative expression and that are not actively harming anyone inherently have value)

anyways, treat people with basic respect and kindness. it's really not that hard. and, age old wisdom, if you have nothing nice to say don't say anything at all. if something is not "your taste" that's fine! no one is saying you're not allowed to have preferences. but you can just, quietly close out of a tab or scroll past an art post you don't like instead of feeling the need to comment your opinion on everything.

#like bottom line if your 'criticism' is actually just a thinly veiled way to be mean then you should not ! say ! anything !#anyways i hate writing essays in response to asks stop making me write essays i already got my english degree #i'd rather be writing essays of fun meta and analysis #replies

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thepradapariah · 3 years ago

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Your Rising Sign ✨. The Male Gaze 👀. & Female Character Movie/TV Tropes 📺.

Are you the manic pixie dream girl or the femme fatale?!

Astro Observations 🪐

Using Movies & TV shows, I’ll be talking about observations I’ve made about rising signs! This is just my opinion! You are more than welcome to share your thoughts in the comment section!

(If you know your sidereal Rising Sign Naksaktra EVEN BETTER!)

Disclaimer:

BARE WITH ME HERE!!! This post is written in a VERY generalized way. I am not trying to be exclusionary at all! I want this to be a fun post about movies & astrology. Please be creative with your pronouns if needed! This post is for anyone who wants to read it, no matter your gender or preference, but it will be written in traditional cis-gender fashion, BUT!!!!! I have tried to incorporate all female identifying communities within the examples! I hope there is something for everyone :)

Before we begin:

Definitions:

✨What is the Male Gaze?

“In feminist theory, the male gaze is the act of depicting women and the world, in the visual arts and in literature, from a masculine, heterosexual perspective that presents and represents women as sexual objects for the pleasure of the heterosexual male viewer. In the visual and aesthetic presentations of narrative cinema, the male gaze has three perspectives: (i) that of the man behind the camera, (ii) that of the male characters within the film's cinematic representations; and (iii) that of the spectator gazing at the image.” — Wikipedia

✨What is a Character trope?

“A trope is an idea, pattern or motif that appears often enough in a particular art form that consumers of that art form begin to form particular associations with that idea.” - The Novel Factory

Introduction:

Men tend to be VERY simple creatures. Yes, they may present themselves as the broody artist w a checkered past or a sci-fi-nerdy-glasses-wearing-type fellow who LOVES Star Wars & Comic-Con. But believe it not, both these men have something in common…Their simplicity. Most men see life in black & white. They tend to take things at face value & rarely feel the need to dig deeper into something unless they are called to. This is not to over generalize (or perhaps that’s exactly what this is) but to draw attention to the straight forward attitude men usually have towards life. (I blame this on their primal hunter/gathering nature, but that’s another topic for another day). Men tend to prefer life & communication to be clear & concise, whereas woman tend to be far more “colorful” in our approach. We don’t spare any details when talking w our girlfriends about the latest gossip as if it’s our life’s duty, where men can sit in silence, playing video games & be perfectly content. In fact, I learned in sociology, that men can actually have ZERO brain activity happening at times (besides the automatic stuff, like breathing lol). Meaning— men can actually sit & think about nothing. Women, not so much, we are constantly stimulated, thinking & planning ahead. Because of this cosmically cerebral mis-match, the way men & woman tend to view each other can be a point of contention. Woman tend to over complicate men & men tend to over simplify woman. Thus giving us the ongoing battle of real complex female characters VS. the over simplified version of them through the Male Gaze. Do men think woman just sit around playing in make-up & fashion, bursting out into random tears & having pillow fights all day? If you ask Hollywood— probably. In this post, we will be specifically looking at how men over simplify woman using Movie/TV tropes & comparing them to the display of our rising sign, &/or if you know it, your rising Nakshatra.

You should know, that before I got into tarot & astrology, I graduated from the film school at New York University. So I am WELL AWARE of the film/tv writing process & thought this would be a cool way to combine my education of films & my love for astrology to teach & critique how woman tend to be represented in Cinema & Television— and in return, real life. (Art meets Life, amiright?)

There has been a discourse in the film & tv world about how woman are represented through the male gaze. I’m sure you’ve heard of the “manic pixie dream girl” trope over saturating the market right now. (Don’t worry, we will get into this later). Woman feel as if these are shallow representations of the feminine experience. While I agree with this statement, usually we don’t see very fleshed out, complex & interesting woman from male writers. (*cough cough* Euphoria Season 2.) I’m arguing here that until we form deep & intimate connections with men, they tend to see us, woman, as these movie tropes, IRL (in real life). If you don’t understand what I’m saying, hang in there w me.

Because men tend to be simple & take things at face value, they can miss out on the nuances of the woman they are with. How many times have we seen in movies a wife gets a haircut & the husband doesn’t notice? See, no eye for detail, or subtlety. Those small details that make us unique from other woman tends to go over their heads from time to time. And in a day in age where woman are generalized more on a mass scale through social media, it’s easy for men to get carried away thinking woman are all the same or simply, just not that complicated. This isn’t a bad thing, per say, this is just the default until we are able to build a lasting, deep connection between masculine & feminine energy.

In this post, we are going to be breaking down this “conundrum” by RISING SIGNS/1H/Nakshatras. Why? Because the rising sign is how you are seen in the world. The first house rules the body, & what people project on to you as well as what you project onto other people. (The beauty of the 1H/7H axis…more about this later) As a sidereal astrology girly, I think the first house/Rising Sign Nakshatra rules the personality more so than the sun & moon sign. After all, it is called “person”-ality, & the 1H is the house of person, whereas the 7H is the house of partner.

✨Why Does this Matter?

Well first off, it matters how much you want it to matter. This post is for inspiring self expression. By seeing how you effortlessly come across through the male gaze, you may be able to craft your own unique persona or perfect one of these tropes. I am not writing this post because you have to see yourself the way men see you or over simplify yourself while getting to know someone, I’m writing this to give you some indication of HOW men see you so you can put on a SHOW! I’m hoping this gives you the encouragement to take your narrative into your own hands & present your femininity in a way that’s true & authentic to you. I am an absolute FAN of these female tropes. Movies & tv shows have helped me curate the kind of woman I want to come across as. Nothing like seeing a great character on TV that you want to emulate. We all have the ability to play pretend. Look at using the male gaze as a game of dress-up. You can ALWAYS play the part in the ever going Hollywood Film— Your Life.

✨What is the First House?

The first house is the house of first impressions— the cover of the book men are judging.

Because your first house is home to your rising sign, to put it simply, the first house is how you come off to others at first glance. Even though I’m sure you’re a beautiful, complex & intriguing creature, for the sake of this article, we are looking at the first house through a “shallow” perspective. You may feel as if these descriptions don’t fit you at all, in fact, you may feel like this is the total opposite of who you actually are! (Blame the contradiction of 1H/7H axis for this one) However it’s not about how you feel, it’s about how you come across…

Read this article as if you are your crush meeting you for the first time. (Read that again, very meta, I know). The Male Gaze in movies/tv has been argued to be lazy & uninspired writing. I personally think that’s just the male gaze in general. I kid, I kid. Lol. But seriously…they are very simple minded, so we can use this to our advantage to give some of the best performances of our lives!

***If you are reading for your Sidereal Vedic Rising (which is HIGHLY suggest), please look up the degree, so you can read for the specific Nakshatra)

(If you are a man reading this, I don’t mean to drag you. We all know the childhood fact, Men are from Mars & Woman are from Venus. Lol.)

Through the Male Gaze, we will be breaking down how you come off through your rising sign & placements as Classic Movie & TV Character Tropes.

How to Read:

✨IF YOU KNOW YOUR SIDEREAL VEDIC RISING NAKSHATRA: Read that first! That will be the most specific to the trope. (I didn’t double dip, each nakshatra is only used ONCE)

______________

✨If you DON’T know your Sidereal Rising Nakshatra & your reading as a Western/Tropical Girlie———>

✨You can read for the sign in your first house (your rising sign) &/or planets placed in your FIRST OR SEVENTH HOUSE!

✨7H placements cast a direct aspect on your 1H, so if your rising sign doesn’t resonate, check your 7H placements! They have a major influence as well!

✨If you have multiple planets in your 1H &/or 7H, the planet with the LOWEST degree is the dominant planet. Ex: If you have Saturn at 26 degrees and Venus at 2 degrees, you would read the Venus tropes.

✨Unlike men, I’m giving you some flexibility (Lol) Your placements may overlap. For example, if you’re a Pisces Rising— read the blurbs for Manic Pixie Dream Girl & Girl Next Door. One description will probably fit better than the others, but you got options! If you know your sidereal chart for your rising Nakshatra, you’ll get

***There is NO direct correlation between the signs & Naks picked, this is a matter of opinion, so I put what I felt worked!***

Please please please keep in mind, movies & tv characters are larger than life, so please have fun with this post!!! This is over the top!! If you can imagine that you were an old Hollywood glamour queen or a modern cinema starlit, this would be your starring role!!!

⚠️ I do not want to offend ANYONE by using traditional gender pronouns. I am a cis-gender heterosexual female, so I am writing from the perspective I know best. I am NOT trying to say this is the only perspective that matters. I have included cis-woman, trans women & lesbians as examples in this post. Please feel free to share any insights you have, no matter the gender, non-gender or perspective! I’m truly open & supportive. This is not an exclusionary post.

⚠️ SPOILER ALERT!!!! I am using Movies & Television shows as examples, so be prepared!

⚠️ Of course, special shout-out to my little sister! Without her, none of this would be possible!!

On with the Show! 🌹

💋 Manic Pixie Dream Girl

Nakshatras: Ardra, Punarvasu, Swati, Vishika, Mula

Zodiac: Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, Pisces (All Mutable Rising Signs) & Aquarius

Planets: Neptune, Mercury, Jupiter (1st or 7th House, lowest degree)

Tarot Card: Princess of Cups (Earth & Water)

✨Definition

“[The Manic Pixie Dream Girl] exists solely in the fevered imaginations of sensitive writer-directors to teach broodingly soulful young men to embrace life and its infinite mysteries and adventures… [The MPDG] seems to exist only to provide spiritual or mystical help to the protagonist. The MPDG has no discernible inner life. Instead, her central purpose is to provide the protagonist with important life lessons. “

-Wikipedia (Manic Pixie Dream Girl was coined by Nathan Rabin)

✨The Manic Pixie Dream Girl is arguably THEE female movie trope of the last 40 years in pop culture. As movies moved away from the Bombshell aesthetic of the 1950’s, most notably, Marilyn Monroe; Audrey Hepburn as Holly Golightly in Breakfast at Tiffany’s introduced a new kind of woman. (Even her last name, go-lighly is a play on her attitude towards the world) A woman who throws caution to the wind & isn’t afraid to take risk. In fact, this woman LIVES to take risk! She flutters in & flutters out of the Male gaze, usually chasing some wild dream of being a fashion designer, writer, actress ect, OR is a notch above (or under, depending on how you look at it) an aimless sexy hobo. Regardless of her career ambitions, she’s always as creative as she is elusive— yet somehow, is always able to drop into the male’s life right in the knick of time, whisking the male away on some fever-dream like adventures. Encountering the Manic Pixie Dream Girl almost ALWAYS accompanies a spiritual Awakening for our male protagonist. Upon meeting this woman, usually in some weird, “only happens once in a life-time” way, his world gets thrown into a chaotic flurry. Everything he thought he knew he now knows he never knew anything about it at all. He questions life, he questions reason, he question society, capitalism, the “American Dream”, etc. This is BEST demonstrated by Marla (Helena Bonham Carter) in Fight Club, directed by David Fincher. (If you haven’t seen this movie, you MUST (18+), Brad Pitt is at PEAK sexiness…s/o to the Female Gaze lol) Fight Club is a wicked tale of a man fighting himself, society & his own psyche after meeting a woman who mirrored him so closely, it triggered a masculinity awakening. This is the function of the Manic Pixie Dream Girl. She is so free, so unbound, so fluid, & feminine, she helps to bring to life the masculine side of a man by reflecting his own inner chaos back to him.

As a Ardra, Punarvasu, Swati, Vishika, Mula Rising or Mutable Rising Sign: Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, or Pisces, this could be one of the ways you appear through the male gaze. Because your temperament & view of life can be so changeable, you can come across as a free-spirit, a loss soul, or a wonderer. Perhaps you are, & perhaps you aren’t, but as quickly as you change a hairstyle, you change your goals in life. The male feels as if he needs to tame you, give you structure, security or direction OR he feels like he wants to join you! Break away from the daily grind of life, break societies expectations of him & rendezvous w you, eating cereal, painting & watching cartoons all day. You can represent a child-like wonder and be the embodiment of the “wild-side” of life! As the mutable rising signs of the Zodiac, you tend to be moody & unpredictable. Through the Male Gaze, men may find it hard to connect with you because you always seem “elsewhere”. You always seem a little dazed, perhaps a little confused, but certainly “pixie” like in your approach to life. To the right male, you are fascinating, like a Jackson Pollock painting (the splatter paint dude) in the works— each stroke improvised, never knowing where the paint is going to land, but intrigued more by your process than the final product.

✨Music:

Female Gaze: Like a Bird- Nelly Furtado

Male Gaze: Sex And Candy- Marcy Playground

✨Examples

Holly Golightly- Breakfast at Tiffany’s

Jules- Euphoria

Summer- 500 Days of summer

Robyn Brooks- High Fidelity

Helena- Fight Club

Cat- Victorious

Issa- Insecure

Raven- That’s So Raven

Bubbles- Powerpuff Girls

Emily- Emily in Paris

Sally Bowles- Cabaret

💋Ice Queen

Nakshatras: Jyestha, Dhanishta, Uttara Bhadrapada

Zodiacs: Aquarius, Libra, Cancer, Scorpio

Planets: Saturn, Uranus, Moon, Venus

Tarot Card: Queen of Swords (Water & Air)

✨Defintion:

“…Cool, reserved, and giving nothing away. She may want love as ardently as anyone, but she masks her soft heart behind a wall of ice. It is up to someone else, typically her Love Interest, to soften her cold demeanor and win her love.

The Ice Queen is considered dangerous to love because she will not (or cannot) love back. She's not much for friendship either, preferring to be alone.” tvtropes .org

✨The Ice Queen is cold & unforgiving. She IS the resting bitch face personified, unimpressed & unfazed by those around her. Seemingly aloof, the male in the story is always trying to breakthrough her tough and unbothered exterior. Her coldness posses a real challenge to anyone who is interested in her romantically. She’s just a bitch. And a bad one at that! The Ice Queen is stern in her appearance & her approach to life. Usually divorced, or widowed, but doesn’t have to be, she walks as if she carries the weight on the world of her shoulder. She’s been abandoned by happiness in life, but she’s so regal, no one knows how deep her scars cut. She can resemble the Boss Bitch/Diva trope, because she normally holds a lot of power, but she carries a certain detachedness that is unique to this trope. She is NOTHING nice. The Ice Queen is hard to please & has no issues letting people know she’s unsatisfied. The Male wants to “warm her up”, breakthrough her cold exterior & get to know why she is so damn mean! In some cases he succeeds, in others he realized she’s just a mean & shallow as he originally thought. Elvira Hancock in Scarface is the prototype for this feminine character trope. Not only is her nose typically buried nose deep in snow (if you get it, you get it), she’s. a. straight. cold-hearted. biotch. She’s unbelievably gorgeous & unapproachable, & this is exactly what draws the male protagonist in to her. But even after the male “wins her over”, she was never satisfied. An Ice Queen to her CORE, she was never one to be defrosted. Defamed? Maybe…Defrosted…never.

It’s worth noting that the Ice Queen is usually HIGHLY fashionable. Not the cheap stuff either— the Ice Queen is a Queen none the less. She’s not the T-shirt & jeans girl next door, or the purple hairdo manic pixie…she’s class & sophistication. First rule, you gotta be hot to be so cold.

If you are a Jyestha, Dhanishta, Uttara Bhadrapada Rising or an Aquarius, Libra or Cancer Rising, or have Saturn, Uranus, the Moon, or Venus aspecting your first house, you may find that you come across as the Ice Queen through the male gaze. You carry a certain reserved & detached aura upon first meeting someone. Rarely would you put all your cards on the table. There is also a certain maturity that you carry with you when you walk into a room. Men will assume “oh, this girl, she’s been through some stuff”. You may find that you are somewhat withdrawn in social situations, although people may be very drawn to you. You don’t necessarily care about being liked, but you certainly care about being respected. You come off as if you don’t tolerate any kind of messiness. Men may think you play hard to get or that you just think you’re better than the average. Whatever! You don’t care what they think. You’re too busy reading or being an intellectual (whatever that means lol…this is the male gaze we are talking about). Again, to the right egotistical man who believes he can “warm you up”, you are a welcomed and ongoing challenge. The Ice Queen is the female trope of male dissatisfaction. When a Male encounters the Ice Queen in cinema, she tend to represent a part of the male that will NEVER be pleased, content or accepted. Normally the man after this cold woman’s stone-cold heart is trying to prove his worth to the world around him, & the Ice Queen serves as the perfect trophy. If he can impress her/have her, he can impress anyone & have the World! The Ice Queen is the ultimate prize for the male protagonist w ego/self-esteem issues. Nothing humbles a man quite like a cold-hearted bitch. You may find in your dating life, Male’s feel the need to impress you for no good reason..or maybe you enjoy watching men walk on their heads for a date w you! Either way, as the Ice Queen female trope you carry a certain air about you that commands attention & respect. You carry authority over yourself & those around you. The male gaze says although your intimidating, your worth a try to shut down all the haters, even if you’re hater number 1!

✨Music:

Female Gaze: Needed Me- Rihanna

Male Gaze: Roses- OutKast, Cooler than Me- Mike Posner

✨Examples

Elvira Hancock-Scarface

Camille- The Sapranos

Lady Mae Greenleaf- Greenleaf

Elsa- Frozen

Jade- Victorious

Elekta Evangelista- Pose

Claire- House of Cards

Molly- Insecure

Lucille- Arrested Development

Betty Draper- Mad Men

Mother Shannon, House of Balenciaga- Legendary

Cersei Lannister- Game of Thrones

Dominique La Rue- Harlem Nights

Gru’s Mom- Despicable Me

💋Femme Fatale

Nakshatras: Ashwini, Bharani, Ashlesha, Purva Bhadrapada, Shatabisha

Zodiacs: Aries, Scorpio, Cancer

Planets: Mars, Pluto

Tarot Card: Queen of Wands (Fire & Water)

✨Definition

“A femme fatale,sometimes called a maneater or vamp, is a stock character of a mysterious, beautiful, and seductive woman whose charms ensnare her lovers, often leading them into compromising, deadly traps. She is an archetype of literature and art. Her ability to enchant, entice and hypnotize her victim with a spell was in the earliest stories seen as verging on supernatural; hence, the femme fatale today is still often described as having a power akin to an enchantress, seductress, witch, having power over men. Femmes fatales are typically villainous, or at least morally ambiguous, and always associated with a sense of mystification, and unease.”

-Wikipedia

✨The Femme Fatale is arguably the most ICONIC of the female movie tropes. A popular trope of Film Noir “movement” in the late 1940s, early 1950s, the Femme Fatale is a sexual seductress with a naughty side. Enchanting as she is dangerous, the male gaze ogles her, even though it may cost him his life— or at least his job & social standing. Medusa is one of the best representations of this trope. If a man locks eyes w her, he’s as good as dead— yet, time & time again, men tried to defeat her, only to meet a tragic end. As time progressed, the story of the woman who turns men to stone (definitely a sexual innuendo if you ask me) found new life in television & film. The Femme Fatale is a beautiful disaster just waiting to happen. She’s wild, like the Manic Pixie Dream Girl, but she has a certain knack for danger and crime. She lures the male in & traps him like a spider in her web. The male is usually a little weary of the woman, but is overcome w her grace & charm, or he’s truly an unsuspecting victim who gets completely taken advantage of an entangled in whatever mess she’s made for herself. One way or the other, the male often ends up in a position of life & death after lusting after this dark & intriguing beauty. The film, Carmen Jones, starring Dorthy Dandridge, is a classic tale of a woman w loose morals who ends up (spoiler alert) dead. Unlike most of the other female tropes, the femme fatale almost always suffers consequences for her actions. She either ends up in jail, or dead, or kills her lover, or he ends up in jail, or her lover ends up dead. Tragic, I know. Again, think of Medusa…she killed everything she laid her eye on, & then ultimately had to be killed. (RIP Medusa, you were a baddie). No one gets out scotch free when dealing w this character. The femme fatale is mysterious, almost like a mythical creature or an enchantress, & the male is instantly drawn into her, whether they exchange words in a bar, or she simply flicks her cigarette & he rushes to relight it. One thing is for sure, she lives by her own rules & is bound by nothing…not the law or death itself. She’s usually a criminal minded free-spirit, manipulating her way through life to survive.

If you are an Ashwini, Bharani, Ashlesha, Purva Bhadrapada Rising Or an Aries, Scorpio, or Cancer Rising, or you have Pluto or Mars aspecting your 1H, you may come off as the femme fatale through the male gaze. Your dark, broody & secretive nature is fascinating to them, and they want to join you on a passionate journey through time & space or save you from whatever sticky situation you may have put yourself in. They want to play detective & you are the perfect case to crack. When the femme fatale enters the male’s life, she instantly posses a threat to his usually naive understanding of the world. She’s not your typical housewife— far from it. She challenges the traditional social construct of beauty & submission. Normally from a troubled/difficult past past, the femme fatale will only submit to law & death, she’s been forced to learn the ugly sides of life & uses them to her advantage. You may find that male’s tend to want to dominate you or control your direction in life in relationships, but you are REPULSED by this notion. This trope teaches men (and woman sadly), that freedom comes w a cost. Hopefully it’s not your life, but if it is, you sure make a sexy corpse!

✨Music:

Female Gaze: Wild side- Normani

Male Gaze: Dirty Diana -Michael Jackson

✨Examples

Filomena (Sophia Lauren)- Marriage Italian Style

Cat Woman- Batman

Carmen- Carmen Jones

Dr. Frank-N-Furter (played by the wonderful Lavern Cox)- The Rocky Horror Picture Show

Jennifer- Jennifer’s Body

Gilda (Rita Hayworth)- Gilda

Amy Dunne- Gone Girl

Laura Biel- 365 Days

Alex Vause- Orange Is the New Black

💋Queen Bee/Mean Girl

Nakshatras: Krittika, Purva Phalguni, Chitra, Purva Ashadha

Zodiacs: Libra, Capricorn, Aries, Leo, Taurus & Gemini

Planets: Venus, Mars, Sun, Mercury

Tarot Card: Princess of Swords (Earth & Fire)

“The Mean Girl trope had us all believe that the dark side to womanhood is catty, conniving competitiveness.”

The swaddle.com

“Mean girls are often overly concerned with appearance. They may place a high priority on their clothing, their make-up, and even their weight. Likewise, they may zero in on these things in others, pointing out everything from acne and weight gain to clothing choices and hairstyles.”

-theteenmagazine.com

✨Somewhere between The Ice Queen and The Diva, there lies a sweet sour sweet CLASSIC female trope that always leaves the girls GAGGING in disbelief, like “did she just say that?!!” The Queen Bee/Mean Girl trope has her fair share of representation in film & TV, particularly in teen dramas, but she is NOT limited to high school. The Queen Bee is in charge, she knows what she wants, she knows how she likes it & she has ZERO problem letting her loyal subject know. Sometimes, she is portrayed w a deep deep deep DEEP down heart of hold, but most of the time, she’s just a straight biotch from beginning to end. You DON’T want to cross her, or you just might end-up on her ever growing hit-list. If there is one thing Ms. Mean Girl can do..it’s hold a grudge. As stated above, the Queen Bee/Mean girl trope serves the stereotype of the cattiness & competitiveness of femininity. And it is a fact that in the wild, the female animals are usually far more aggressive than their male counterparts. (Think Lion, or a Mama Bear). Boys may have their sports, but lady’s have their looks & they will secure that W come hell or high water all the way to Prom Queen.

If you are a Krittika, Purva Phalguni, Chitra, Purva Ashadha Rising or Libra, Taurus, Aries, Leo or Gemini Rising, OR if you have Venus, Mars or the Sun aspecting your 1H/7H, you may come off as the typical Mean Girl Trope through the Male Gaze. You’re aloof, yet decisive about the things you truly care about— like— “Wednesdays, we wear pink”. You keep people on the tip of their toes with witty banter & effortless conversation. If they don’t know the latest trends, the current celebrity gossip or who dumped whom…well, you’re just not interested in what they have to say, so why bother? You can play the villain easily & have no problem being unliked as long as you are respected. You are a social butterfly, a socialite, if you will. You know how to make the streets talk with admiration & envy. People may be afraid that they can’t meet your standards, but good, they probably can’t. NO UGLY FRIENDS is the motto— people may think you actually hold try-outs for who is allowed to sit with you at the table. Through it all, you know how to take control & lead— this energy oozes from you as people seem to just step aside as you sashay down the halls. Always up on the latest fashion, you always come w your A-game and your enemies will NEVER catch you slipping. There is a beautiful confidence that you exude because you know you are the one and only. People may be extremely intimidated by you, but the real ones will bow at your feet.

The shadow side of this trope is the shadiness. Queen Bees/Mean girls are known for being just that—MEAN. People may assume that you are quite backstabby & mischievous. YOU, of all the movie tropes, don’t mind playing

d-i-r-t-y! People perceive you as never wanting to let go of that crown & you’ll do whatever it takes to keep the social order in tact. Think “Status-Quo” High School Musical w Sharpay, the ULTIMATE representation of this trope, screaming from the top of the cafeteria! (THIS IS NOT WHAT SHE WANTS! THIS IS NOT WHAT SHE PLANNED!!!!!) She didn’t care who she had to cut, scheme, lie, trick, plot & sabotage to make SURE Ms. Gabriella did not get the spotlight w her man, Troy. Think of the lengths you’ll go to to get what you want. You come off as spicy, cunt-y (in the best way), & beautiful. You are a glamour girl & never afraid to throw some shade here & there, making you the ultimate reigning Queen Bee!

✨Music

Female Gaze: Feeling Myself- Nicki Minaj

Male Gaze: Mad at myself- Issues

✨Examples

Maddie- Euphoria

Regina George- Mean Girls

CoCo- Dear White People

Lulu- Pose

Toni- Girlfriends

Emma Roberts in Coven & Scream Queens

Blair- Gossip Girl

Cheryl Blossom- Riverdale

Santana- Glee (Rest in Peace)

Buttercup- Powerpuff Girls

Alison DiLaurentis- Pretty Little Liars

Sharpay- High School Musical

The Heathers

Penelope- My Dog (LOVE HER, but she’s such a Bitch—a bad one though lol)

💋Ingenue/Damsel in Distress

Nakshatras: Mrigashirsa, Rohini, Hasta, Revati

Zodiacs: Cancer, Capricorn, Libra, Aries (All Cardinal Rising Signs) & Pisces, Taurus

Planets: Moon, Venus, Saturn

Tarot Card: Queen of Cups (Water) Libra, Aries

“The ingénue usually has the fawn-eyed innocence of a child but subtle sexual appeal as well.”

“The damsel in distress is a recurring narrative device (or trope) in which one or more men must rescue a woman who has either been kidnapped or placed in general peril. Kinship, love, or lust (or a combination of those) gives the male protagonist the motivation or compulsion to initiate the narrative. The female character herself may be competent, but still finds herself in this type of situation.”

Wikipedia

✨The Ingenue/Damsel in Distress is one of the most recognizable female movie tropes to date. From the tales of The Greeks, to King-Kong, to Broomhilda from Djengo— there is always some damsel…somewhere…that is…in fact…in…distress. The Ingenue is a naive babe, just learning the ins & outs of life. She’s pretty, she’s unassuming & adorably doe-eyed, full of wonder for the life ahead of her— just waiting for a strong man to show her the way! The ingenue is common, but in the best way. She’s not an ice-cold bitch like the Ice Queen or the Queen Bee, but she sits more in her femininity that the Tomboy or the Diva. She’s divine & subtle and a man is always lurking around the corner, waiting to whisk her away from all the evils in the world. If this sounds like a Disney Princess, it’s because it is. Most Disney Princesses would fit into the Ingenue/Damsel in Distress character trope, but just like most of the Princesses, no matter how young & impressionable, the Ingenue is usually the one who makes a way for herself in the end.

If you are a Mrigashirsa, Rohini, Hasta, Revati Rising or a Cardinal rising (Aries, Cancer, Libra Capricorn) or Pisces, the male gaze may perceive you as the Ingenue/Damsel in Distress trope. Your beauty & grace exceed you, & your youth is ever-present. When the male sees you, they just want to protect you & hold you dear. You spark masculinity in those who are attracted to you because you come across so soft & gentle. But don’t get it twisted, you can be a little spicy! You certainly have a little sass to you, but you try not to wear it on your sleeve. You are a true darling to those who are deserving. You serve ultimate demure womanliness & you seem to glide through any room you’re in. Although your impulsiveness & naiveté may land you in some sticky situations, there’s always a lovely leading man just beyond the pines to lead you out of the darkness and into their arms (Awwwwwwwwwww). You may be the type to need help opening the pickle jar, or clumsily fall into some big strong arms— you don’t mind being on the receiving end of affection & people just swoon over you. Unlike the Door Next Door, there can still be an “unapproachability” factor to you. You’re not the girl from down the street, you’re the new girl in town; a little lost, a little curious, but always cute! You may find that men tend to underestimate you & you’re constantly trying to prove yourself. OR you can find yourself in situations where your voice tends to be over powered as you get lost in a sea of toxic masculinity! Either way, you know how to leave a room in awe. You carry just enough mystique & intrigue that male’s fight to know more about you, but yet they just feel as if you’re a naturally good person. You’re coy, but not too coy. You’re shy, but not too shy. You are the perfect “woman”. You may have a past, but your future is always bright! A hero waits around the corner for the perfect time to catch you when you fall or introduce you to a world you didn’t know existed.

As the Ingenue/Damsel in Distress, your energy is POWERFUL, almost as if you’re sexily yelling “Fire! Fire! Save me! Help me!” when you walk into the room. You know how to keep the male gaze & they will break their necks to see you eloquently walk by. Before the reign of the Manic Pixie Dream Girl, you were the trope on top— the beautiful default representation of hyper-femininty in the 20s/30s/40s. You set the standards for the early starlets, they were nothing if they weren’t the lovely ingenue!

✨Music

Female Gaze: Bring Me to Life- Evanessance, Pretty When I Cry- Lana Del Ray

Male Gaze: Let Me Love You- Mario

✨Examples

Betty Draper- Mad Men

Celie- The Color Purple

Neytiri- Avatar

Autumn- P-Valley

Daisy- The Great Gatsby

Persephone- The [Abduction] of Persephone

Irene- Drive

Angel Evangelista- Pose

Disney Princesses

Broomhilda- Django Unchained

Piper Chapman- Orange Is the New Black

Mississippi- P-Valley

Penelope- The Odyssey

Satine- Mulan Rouge

💋Girl Next Door/Tomboy

Nakshatras: Anuradha, Uttara Ashadha, Shravana

Planets:Jupiter, Venus, Neptune

Zodiacs: Virgo, Sagittarius, Pisces, Taurus, Libra

Tarot Card: Princess of Pentacles (Earth)

“The girl next door is usually from a small town or an un-flashy neighborhood. Her personality tends to be down-to-earth, supportive, and approachable. For both her main boy and her culture at large, the girl next door embodies an idealized, wholesome femininity.”

-the-take.com

✨The Girl Next Door/Tomboy Trope is by far the most realistic & relatable female trope of all. She’s not flashy. She’s not mean. She’s kind & sometimes even “one of the guys”. She gives off an innocence that makes her irresistible to the male gaze because she’s just so darn cool. She’s “not like the other girls”. Although she may prefer a comfy t-shirt & jeans, she’s comfortable in her femininity. She doesn’t try to compete with other woman— even though other woman my try & compete with her. Why? Because she’s usually the girl surrounded by all the guys— not because she flaunts her beauty, but rather because she’s not stuck on herself. She challenges the status quo demonstrating that sexy can be fun, sexy can be sweet & sexy can be “normal”. Zendaya is arguably the IT girl of a generation & she usually plays this type of character. She comes across as someone you can sip cool-aid with after she beats you in a round of basketball! For some, that’s sexier than Marilyn Monroe herself! This is the All-American (no matter the race) beauty that only lives a few doors down. This trope is most likely to be in the “friend-zone”, until one day the male realizes…”OH MY GOSH! SHE HAS BOOBS!”

If you are an Anuradha, Uttara Ashadha, Shravana Rising OR a Virgo, Sagittarius, Pisces, Taurus, Libra Rising, you could come off as the Girl Next Door/Tomboy female trope. You’re approachable & not stuck on yourself & that makes you highly desirable through the male gaze. You’re simple & non-demanding like some of your other female counterparts and this makes you a breath of fresh air in a Kardashian fueled instagram dystopia. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure you know how to clean up nicely! When it’s times for you to put on a skirt & heels, you knock ‘em dead. You’re stunning! But you’d much rather lead with personality than looks. You have an effortlessness about you that can’t be obtained by just anyone. At times you may feel a bit awkward about your sexuality, but again, through the right male’s gaze, this is SUCH a turn on. This is an extremely powerful trope because you are realistic. You may have big dreams, but you feel like you come from humble beginnings. You’re authentic to yourself, not to Chanel & Gucci. Sometimes, you may feel overlooked & one-up’d by the “popular girl”, but there is ALWAYS someone who thinks you are the most beautiful girl in the room because you light up the room like no body else & don’t get me started on the way you flip your hair & how it gets the boys overwhelmed. You don’t know you’re beautiful…and that’s….that’s what makes you so beautiful. How lovely!

If you are the Girl Next Door Trope, you don’t have to worry about putting on a show to impress the boysies around you. Just continue to be you’re cool & down to Earth self. Even though it seems like we live in Shallow Land, where everything is based on superficial looks & flawless instagram selfies, you’re super special because you don’t give in. Don’t conform & don’t rush to be the “it” girl. You don’t need the BBL & the thick lashes. (NOTHING IS WRONG W THIS!!! NOTHING~~~) Your natural beauty is more than enough through the Male Gaze!

✨Music

Female Gaze: All You Wanted- Michelle branch

Male Gaze: Hey There Delilah- The Plain White Tees

*sorry I couldn’t link it! Ran out of space!

✨Examples

MJ (Zendaya)- Spider-Man

Zoe- Grownish

Victoria-Victorious

Monica- Love & Basketball

Bella- Twilight

Justice-Poetic Justice

Peggy- Mad Men

Moeisha- Moeisha

Betty Cooper- Riverdale

Blanca Rodriguez- Pose

Apollonia- Purple Reign

Danielle- The Girl Next Door

💋Diva/Boss Bitch

Nakshatras: Pushya, Magha, Uttara Phalguni

Planets: Sun, Saturn, Mars

Zodiacs: Leo, Scorpio, Taurus, Aquarius (All Fixed Rising Signs) & Sagittarius, Capricorn

Tarot Card: Queen of Pentacles (Earth & Water)

“The strong, dark, beautiful woman. She's often a go-getter, chasing stardom, wealth, or just recognition for her talents. If she becomes an Idol, she's not constrained by the pressures of always appearing youthful, innocent, and approachable.

Part of her allure is instead her maturity, either in personality or in sexuality. When she walks in the room she not only turns heads, but she demands respect and won't hesitate to set you straight if she doesn't get it.”

-tvtropes.org

✨The Diva/Boss Bitch Female trope is THEE BADDEST BITCH. She’s worked hard to get where she is & she isn’t going to let some MAN come along and knock her off her thrown. This female trope demands a certain level of respect when she walks into the room— all heads turn because they know she’s the boss, just waiting to give quick & sharp directions. Usually fashionable, because she can AFFORD it (hello!), she knows how to command in any setting while looks good. A trend setter! She may be one of the most intimidating of the female tropes through the Male Gaze, on par with the Ice Queen, because the Diva carries a certain masculine energy. She usually is running things & bossing men around herself. She doesn’t let her sex get in the way of her ambition & talent. This character trope is not afraid to speak her mind because she knows she has just as much right to a seat at the table as anyone. She’s hard to impress & won’t settle for anything less than perfect. Mediocrity will NOT FLY with the Diva. She expects & she will have the best.

If you are a Pushya, Magha, Uttara Phalguni Rising or a Leo, Scorpio, Taurus, Aquarius, Sagittarius, or Capricorn Rising, you may come off as the Diva/Boss Bitch female character trope. You seem to prioritize work, success & your ambition over friendships & relationships. You force the males who gaze upon you to reevaluate their own status & merit in the world. They know you can’t be easily swayed & have to step to you with their best foot forward. Usually depicted as an insatiable boss, men may feel you’re an insatiable lover— demanding & hard to please…whatever, this doesn’t stop you! You know what you want & if they don’t get it for you, you’ll get it your damn self. You come off as self-assured & somewhat egotistical. You’re proud of your work & you expect to be treated like the BOSS that you are. If someone has a problem with that, well then, they can just get in line! Olivia Pope in Scandal is a great example of this trope in action. First, she has a J.O.B. & she’s DAMN good at it. The best, even. Her sex appeal through the male gaze is due to her wits & her competence. Like you, as soon as she walks into the room, people know it’s business time.

If you are the Diva/Boss Bitch Trope, don’t let ANYONE discredit your hustle—not another woman, not a man…NO ONE! You’ve worked hard to get where you are, and it shows because of the way you carry yourself. You can be one of the classiest tropes of all & that’s more impressive than you could ever know. Your beauty lies in the fact that you are sophistication personified. Your intrigue lies in the fact of your rarity! Not every woman is as ambitious or as capable as you are. You make men shiver when they lay eyes on you because you have an aura that screams “STEP YOUR GAME UP OR GET TO STEPPING!” Never try to dim who you are. You’re bossy & you’re the bitch they all LOVE to hate! Let them! You’d probably hate you too if you weren’t you because you are just too fly to handle! Confidence oozes from your pores because you know your stuff. Although it’s lonely at the top, you enjoy the view of downtown from your corner office! It’s hard to compete where others don’t compare Ms. Diva! Own it!

✨Music

Female Gaze: Flawless- Beyoncé

Male Gaze: Ms. Independent- Ne-yo

*sorry I couldn’t link it! Ran out of space!

✨Examples

Olivia Pope- Scandal

Blossom- Powerpuff Girls

Miranda Priestly— Devil Wears

Annalise Keeting- How To Get Away With Murder

Sylvie- Emily in Paris

Jaqueline- Boomerang

Shug Avery- The Color Purple

Cookie- Empire

Mercedes- P-Valley

Matron “Mama” Morton- Chicago

#astrology #vedic astrology #astro notes #astrology observations #sidereal astrology #astrology notes #astro observations #music #rising sign #movie tropes #Spotify

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silverbladexyz · 2 years ago

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hello!!! I'd like to request some hcs for my believed Ayatsuji Yukito with a gn!reader who's not very good in things related to calculations, chem and all that but very well versed in creatives fields? like plays instruments, draws a lot and knows a lot of literary references :D thank u sm and have a nice day keke

Helloooooo!!! Reader is kind of like me; while calculations and chemistry and anything to do with maths is doable, I'm actually more of a creative person lmao.

The image used is not mine. It belongs to it's original owner.

TW: None

Ayatsuji with a GN!S/O who is well versed in creative fields

-Okay, well Ayatsuji teased you a lot at first about maths, science, just anything in that field which requires the left side of the brain

-Like he knows that he's smarter than most people, but he's never met a person who couldn't find the integral of 1/2x^2. Sometimes he wonders if he should get a tutor for you

-But one day you actually helped him solve a case, despite his impressions of you. Ayatsuji was ready to tear his hair out because he just couldn't get an impression of the perpetrator, but you actually managed to draw a very vivid and accurate picture of the perpetrator according to the witness's descriptions and clues

-This caused Ayatsuji to think twice of you. You'll find that after a little while, he would start asking you for your help on his cases. Your drawings were always accurate and never failed to help him catch the murderer. It wasn't long before he fell for your creative side

-When you two got into a relationship, he was curious about your creativeness, and often asked you about your hobbies. I feel like Ayatsuji is one to appreciate art and artistic talents, but he's never had that much time to admire art in general because of his occupation

-Play some pieces for him on your instruments! Doesn't matter if it's a Bach fugue or a nocturne by Chopin, Ayatsuji will love it, because he seems like the type to like classical music as it's more complex and fun to analyse. He likes listening to you play in silence, while sipping a coffee or gazing at the sunset. You even offered to teach him how to play your instruments, and he took you up on your offer, but he still prefers listening to you play

-I feel like Ayatsuji finds the trait of using literary references in appropriate places attractive. Like it makes the person seem more fancy and sophisticated, and he definitely likes people like that. So he might even have a battle of literary references with you sometimes just to see how much you knew actually he does that because he thinks your smexy when you’re saying them

-Also likes to look at your drawings when you’re done with them. Now he will actually critique them a bit, but he mostly praises you and tells you what a good job you’ve done. You drew him once and now Ayatsuji treasures that drawing forever

-Since you’re creative, Ayatsuji is so going to make dolls with you. Now you actually add some extra decorations and style to the dolls that you create, and it’s a fresh contrast to the usual dolls that are stored in his basement. He loves your creativeness when it comes to dolls, and he shows it to nobody else apart from himself

-Now he will actually try to teach you math, science, physics, just anything that needs logic to figure the answer out. While he will still tease you every now and then, he’ll be chill and find out how you learn the best. Also gives you breaks when he sees your brain about to explode from all the calculations

-Your strengths fit with his perfectly; him being logical and you being creative. With this mix, no criminal dares to go up against you two now. Talk about a soft power couple, am I right?

-You two are Tsujimura’s OTP and she is already making all the wedding cards and organisation for your marriage with Ayatsuji already invite me please

@pixyys @pianotross @nekokinax @i-just-like-goats @xxelfmamaxx @yuugen-benni @yukitomybeloved @sariel626 @lakeside-paradise @arisu-chan4646 @catzlivedforbsd

#bsd x reader #bsd x gender neutral reader #bungou stray dogs x reader #ayatsuji x reader #ayatsuji yukito x reader #silverbladexyz

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gb-patch · 4 years ago

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Ask Answers: May 15th Part 1

It’s been longer than usual since our last answer session, so I’m answering a ton of questions today! It’s so big I split it into two parts. Thank you for the patience on getting a response to these.

Thanks for reaching out to us with your questions and kind words ^^!

Sorry if this has been asked before or isn't something you can say but is there anyway for Cove to confess in step 4? I wanted him to confess in step 3 and followed all the steps to make him do it but ended up texting my family instead of Cove at the end.

Yeah, Cove can confess in Step 4!

Hello! I heard that Cove is on the spectrum, albeit undiagnosed. As someone who is ND, this makes me UNBELIEVABLY happy. I literally was brought to tears! Thank you for that!

Out of curiosity, will Cove be diagnosed in Step 4? I have a strong feeling y’all won’t make it a HUGE deal/make it out to be negative, so I’m not worried about that whatsoever! I’m just curious just he’ll off handedly mention it? Or will it just not be touched upon at all (which is ok!)?

Either way is ok, I’m just curious!

I’m happy it made you happy! Admittedly, Cove simply being someone with autism that grew up not being diagnosed was something I included for myself. I didn’t really think anyone would notice or ask about it, aha. But players did start to have questions about his traits, so I started to talk about it outside of the game. It’s great to see it get such a positive response and now I do feel like having it be a non-topic may have been the wrong choice and bringing it up would’ve been good in terms of having positive representation for that. I don’t know if I’ll find a way to mention it in Step 4 now, with how far along the game is, but I am at least thinking about it when originally it wasn’t something I really even considered.

Hey! Just wanted to say thank you for Our Life. It's been a bright spot and a needed escape in what's otherwise been a crummy year. I know you just did a Q&A post but I figured I'd ask anyway. Was just curious about Step 4. Will it be similar to the other Steps in that it consists of several different moments or will it just be one long sequence?

Step 4 is shorter than the prior Steps because it’s just an epilogue rather than a full arc of a story. It’ll consist of scenes that all happen in a set row one after the other. There won’t be a collection of Moments to choose from. But it’ll still be very sweet and fun.

¡hola!, you see, first I want to say that I love Our Life! (°◡°♡) and I have 2 important questions, would Cove cry watching titanic? and what is the saddest part according to him? (sorry for my english)

Titanic would make him cry. He’d probably think the parts showing people who aren’t able to make it to the life boats/are choosing to stay and go down with the ship were the saddest.

Hello, I wanted to ask how much you earn with creating games? Like is it possible to make a living? Thank you >< <3

How much I earn varies a lot month to month based on Steam sales, Patreon backers, and how many projects are in full production at the time. It’s also hard to say how much I make historically, since that also changes dramatically year by year. But I do earn enough to work on these games full time! I really appreciate all the support that allows me to do that.

Hey!! I was wondering for the 18+ Our Life moment, will there be an emphasis on safety/comfort for all involved? I feel like there would be just going off of what the rest of the game is like, but I wanted to ask

Yes! Cove is a nervous boy himself and also super cautious about doing anything the MC doesn’t like, so clear consent from both is absolutely needed for anything to happen. It’s a conversational sexy times Moment with stops/starts so the two can talk about how they’re feeling, rather than a heat of the moment just going for it kind of thing.

Hey!! I was wondering how long the wedding dlc would be? Will it be broken up into moments, or just one big event?

It’s one long series of scenes all in a row rather than a collection of Moments to pick from. It’s the shortest and the least expensive of all the DLCs. It’s not super crucial to get and those who aren’t into big weddings can totally skip it without worry.

HELLO AMAZING DEVS 👋 i am hopelessly in love with the worst guy ever (jeremy king) and because of this i have a really stupid question: does he really hate people who are nice to him? TvT he’s too cute to be mean to istg it’s a miracle JB held the urge to be consistently nice to him bc just look at his FACE he is so cute! thank you for jeremy’s route it’s so lovely (and awful bc he’s scum 11/10) it gave me so much laughs LMAO i hope you guys have a good day!!

Haha, thank you. He doesn’t hate them but he’s certainly not pleased with them. Jeremy is either uncomfortable with or annoyed by people being sweet on him, depending on how they approach it. He’s far more comfortable with jerkiness. It lets him relax and he can be himself without it being a problem, since he’s also a jerk. He feels a level of guilt being such a little punk to kind people, not enough to be a better person but still.

Has Cove dated or been interested in someone other than MC?

Nope! He stays single over the course of the game if he’s not with the MC.

Is Step 4 more mature? Or it's gonna be set in similar atmosphere as Step 3?

Step 4 is a similar atmosphere as Step 3. Though, it’s actually kind of less mature-topic heavy than Step 3 since it’s just a ‘hey, let’s check in on the gang to see what they’re up to’ style epilogue rather than a story arc with serious issues.

will there be new music for now and forever?? or will the old our life music be reused?

It’s gonna be a brand new soundtrack. We’ll be opening up a job position for that soon.

Hi, is it okay if we use the assets in Our Life (like the sprites) for fanworks or fan content content, like edits?

Sure! Just as long as you don’t use the assets made by those artists to make money.

Quick clarification on Step 3 choices: I hope I didn't come off rude (because I LOVE the game, really!!), I was just curious because the intro threw me off at times. For example, you could choose how you felt about Elizabeth in Step 2 (Dinner), but during the Step 3 intro, it says that you got closer to Liz and I didn't get a choice in it.

For the example, it can’t be helped that you’re closer to Liz in Step 3 than you were in Step 2 because she’s inherently closer to the MC regardless of whether you liked her or not in Step 2. Her feelings are out of your control and the game isn’t so dramatic that you can push her affection away and not let her bond with you, haha. But ‘being closer’ can still be relative. For some people maybe that means you’re best buds now and for others it might just mean you’re not fighting all the time any more. If there’s other parts you want to mention, feel free to let us know.

Did the illustrator for Our Life change?

We have many OL artists! The main artists who set the game’s style haven’t changed, but there’s multiple other artists who help finish assets.

So Miranda's type is confident and outgoing, huh? So...does that mean Terri's her type?? 👀

Haha, sorry for the late reply on this. As you might’ve seen in our post yesterday- yeah that is her type.

Hey! First, I just want to say I've really enjoyed how detailed OL got with gender identity and sexuality and how respectful the topics were handled! It's been so wonderful to play since the experiences could be close to my own (I'd be lying if I said I didn't tear up at parts). Second, I was wondering, would future games explore the topic of polyamory? I'd love to see more visual novels allow room for that and I saw you've explored the topic before.

Keep up the amazing work! ♡

Thank you! We do want to include polyamory in at least some of our future projects. Floret Bond, which might be what you’re referring to when mentioning how we’ve explored the topic before, is on hold unfortunately. So right now I’m not sure when something might release or what will be the first game of ours to come out with poly relationships (we might do something else before FB is done). We’ll have see how things ends up coming together.

Hey um. I feel like im not allowed to ask this on the private discord cuz people will yell at me but why is there so much focus on OL2 and not finishing OL1 stuff? I like the new people but i kind of want to finish cove's story and get derek and baxter stuff first. didn't people pay for it?

I’m sorry, I don’t understand entirely what’s making that situation a concern. There’s a channel in the discord for critique where no one is allowed to comment back. People can voice things they’re worried about without any way for others to push back on it. And the two teams working on the OL games are different. We try to post pretty often about how we’re hiring brand new people to start on Our Life: Now & Forever. The OL1 team is all still working on OL1 like normal. There’s only more updates on the Patreon for OL2 because the expansions to the first game are mostly script-based at this point while OL2 is just starting to get all its art, which means there’s a lot more to show off as previews.

Also, there was a Kickstarter for the first Our Life, if that’s what you mean by people paying for it. But one of the stretch goals was to start Our Life 2 early, before fully completing Our Life 1, so that the new game could be out sooner. It wouldn’t make sense to stop doing OL2 work because that would be going against what backers were promised. Maybe you didn’t get the full story before and hopefully this clears it up!

Hello! I know it's up to every player but.. What is your recommendation for playing order? Did you ever had any timeline events planned?

I didn’t make the events with a planned timeline. The events got made simply as I had ideas for them and then I just kind of organized them from left to right on the screen in an order to space out more dramatic ones between more lighthearted ones. Any order the player wants to go with is totally valid!

Hi! It's Step 4 a paid dlc or update? And how long it's planned to be? Ps. Love the game!

The Step 4 epilogue is free! The Cove Wedding DLC does cost money, though. Those are planned to be shorter than the usual Steps/DLCs.

Will we have options for what sort of job the MC might have by the time step 4 takes place?

Yeah, you can. It’s not super exact or detailed, but there are options about it.

Is there a pandemic in Our Life world, or is it just in a better timeline with no pestilence?

Our Life is pandemic-free! That didn’t exist when we began working on the project and it’s not something we’d like to feature in this story now that it has unfortunately come along, aha.

Hi, you said that you can play tic-tac-toe or hangman with Cove in Boating if you're sick/scared but I keep getting tic-tac-toe. Am I doing something wrong?

After being sick/scared you have to continue to be upset/unwell. If you calm down and decide to just chill you’ll end up playing tic-tac-toe.

Hi, GB Patch! Since Lee was initially commissioned to only appear in two Steps does this mean she won't appear in the Wedding DLC? I really like her character so it'll be a little weird to not have our cousin at our wedding, aha.

She is gonna be in Step 4/the wedding DLC after all! We’re still working with her creator to make sure it fits with what they wanted.

Is Sunset Bird based on a real place? Asking for a friend, not trying to move there or anything. 👀

It’s based on small beach towns in So-Cal, but not one specific town you could go see in real life, I’m afraid. It’d be nice if it was real, though.

—– —– —– —–

We released a new FAQ! It answers common questions and we’ll keep adding more to it. Please check there before sending an ask. FAQ Also, if you prefer to just see the main posts without all the asks/reblogs, feel free to follow our side account instead: GB Patch Updates Blog

#our life #Our Life Beginnings & Always #Our Life: Now & Forever #ask #gb patch #gb patch games #xoxo droplets

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luvidzy · 4 years ago

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☆ genre: fluff

☆ pairing: hwang yeji x reader

☆ summary: it’s the day of your first art exhibition and yeji isn’t there to hold your hand

☆ word count: 1.8k

Your fork clattered onto your plate, your hand trembling as you took in the news that your girlfriend, Yeji, wouldn’t be able to make it to your art exhibition tomorrow. You had been so excited and proud to share your artwork with her, having spent a long time on the specific piece being displayed. The display that she would never see.

She stared at you with eyes full of sadness, moving to take your hand in hers. You were still frozen, your lips shaking as you tried to stop the oncoming tears that were making their way to the corners of your eyes.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry. I really did everything I could, but we are just so close to our comeback that I can’t miss anything.” Yeji’s voice was soft, almost as if she was afraid you might break if she raised her tone. You squeezed your eyes shut, begging yourself to get a grip on your emotions. You needed to calm down, afterall this really wasn’t that big of a deal.

“No…. No, it’s fine. I promise. Sorry, I guess it’s just been a weird day.” That was a lie. Your day had actually been really good (up until now), but Yeji didn’t need to know that. If lying was what it took for her to feel a little less guilty about the situation, then you would lie until the sun began to rise in the morning.

“Will you take pictures? I still want to see everything, and I want to hear about everything. I promise, the minute I come home, I’m all yours,” Yeji said, giving you the smile that always managed to warm your heart and bring you a little bit of solace.

“Won’t you be tired from practice?”

“Too tired for my beautifully talented partner? Never.” You giggled weakly at that comment, feeling a small smile make its way onto your face. You were still upset, still cursing the fact that you couldn’t have Yeji there for something so important, but you knew that she meant every word she said about staying up to listen to you recall your experience.

“Okay. I love you.” Yeji lifted your hand and pressed the smallest kiss onto the back of it. You felt your face heat up as she smiled at you, continuing to hold your hand while grabbing her silverware with the other one, determined to give you comfort in her touch, even if it was only the smallest sliver of happiness.

The next morning, after a quick breakfast with Yeji, she headed off to do some outfit fittings while you headed out to do last minute checks on your art before it was taken to the small gallery the event was taking place at. Your teacher was already waiting in the classroom, your canvas sitting on an easel.

You took one last look at the piece in front of you, of the watercolors that splashed together on the canvas to create the perfect image, before you let the black cloth drop over it. Your teacher gave you a smile as she patted you on the back.

“It’s going to look great at the exhibit tonight, Y/N. Just you wait,” she reassured. You gave her a soft smile, though you couldn’t get rid of the pit that sat in your stomach. After all, the one person who you wanted to see the piece most wouldn’t be able to make it.

You knew that it wasn’t Yeji’s fault; that it was the price that you paid for dating an idol. You would simply have to get used to the fact that she wouldn’t be available all the time, and that you would simply have to do certain things alone, even if you wanted nothing more than to hold her hand while doing them.

Upon leaving your classroom, you headed straight to your apartment. As much as you would have loved to sit and mope around til the time came for the exhibit, you knew that getting ready would take much longer than you wanted. Afterall, this wasn’t a simple class gathering, this was a public art exhibition, and you wanted to look your best for the masses.

After showering and spending about half an hour wrapped in a towel looking at your phone, you finally decided to get ready. You sent a quick text to Yeji, wishing her luck on their practice tonight, before throwing your phone gently onto your bed and focusing on getting yourself presentable.

It wasn’t until you were on the way to the exhibit that the nerves began to set in. This was your first time showing art to such a big group of people, and you hoped that they would find it as beautiful as you did. Despite the reassurance from Yeji and your teacher prior to this moment, you still found your finger nervously tapping the steering wheel as you tried to get your heart to stop pounding.

This was right about the time that you would have loved to have Yeji’s hand to hold, to squeeze, to ground you and let you know that everything was okay. But unfortunately, it was just you.

Your anxiety only worsened as you walked into the gallery. It wasn’t your first time here, and you usually loved visiting, but for some reason you couldn’t find it in you to step into the gallery knowing that your art was on the wall, waiting to be seen and critiqued.

You squeezed your eyes and pretended that Yeji was beside you, calming you down. You imagined her hand gently rubbing circles on your back, and it felt so real that you almost got chills as her hands moved from your back down to your hands. You could practically feel the weight of her palm in yours, and you squeezed lightly. You felt your eyes shoot open in surprise as her hand squeezed back, except it was too real to be just in your head.

You turned your head quickly, your breath catching as Yeji smiled from beside you. She looked gorgeous, in a simple skirt and a nice blouse, but she looked so much more magical to you. Your mouth opened in surprise as she smiled giddily at you, pulling you into her embrace. In no time, your hands were wrapped around her petite waist, holding her close as you felt the urge to cry again, this time with happiness.

“I thought you said that you couldn’t make it,” you said, pulling back to make sure you weren’t dreaming. Her laugh filled your ears and you were certain that, no you weren’t dreaming, you were just dating the most perfect girl to ever exist.

“I managed to talk my way out of practice. I owe our choreographer dinner, but it was more than worth it to be here.”

“But, you shouldn’t miss practice! Your comeback is soon and this is something so small, it really doesn’t matter that much.” Your voice trailed off as Yeji squeezed your hands again. You looked at her, your heart melting at the soft smile that was on her face, along with the look of complete adoration in her eyes.

“But it matters to you. If it matters to you, then it is the most important thing in the world. I know that you were looking forward to showing me your art, and you support me all the time, it’s my job to do the same for you,” she explained, her voice warm and steady. Your arguments died in your throat as you let your joy spread to your face, a smile breaking onto your features. You hugged her again, quicker this time, before pulling her into the exhibit.

You walked around, observing the art and talking about the different artists and techniques used, until finally you came to your piece. Yeji let go of your hand, her eyes wide as she walked closer to it, as if in a trance, while you watched from the sidelines with a smile on your face.

Splashes of neutral colors were painted onto the canvas, the watercolor causing the paint to flow from one color to the other. A large tree stood in the background, the brown standing out against the black and gray night sky. Warm white lights were painting along the branches of the tree, the watercolor allowing them to look as though they were truly glowing steady and bright. In the middle of it all was a beautiful girl, your muse. She looked off into the distance, her sweater pulled up above her palms as she held them to her face for warmth. Her brown hair flowed around her shoulders, perfectly messy in the way that only the girl could pull off.

To anyone else, the painting might have looked simple: a girl by a tree at night. But Yeji instantly recognized the photo. It was one of your favorite photos that you had taken a few months into your relationship with Yeji. You had it as your phone wallpaper, and you always gushed about how the picture captured Yeji’s subtle beauty in the best way; you even said this was the night that you knew you truly and wholeheartedly loved Yeji.

Yeji turned to you, tears in her eyes as she looked back at the portrait, and then back at you. She rushed to you, pressing her lips to yours as she tried to convey all the love that she held for you. You kissed back, your own way of letting her know that you loved her too, and that this picture was just one way of how you showed that.

When she pulled away, she was giggling happily, a single tear streaking down her skin. You brushed it away with your thumb, smiling at her fondly.

“It’s me. You painted me,” Yeji said, her voice trembling as she smiled that smile that made her look just like a little kitten. You kissed her nose, nodding as you pulled back.

“Of course I did. You’re a work of art. I’m glad you think I captured your essence. I was worried you’d think I didn’t do you justice.” Yeji scoffed at your statement, rolling her eyes playfully.

“Didn’t do me justice? Y/N, you’ve painted me like an angel. You’ve done me the most justice than anyone could ever do,” she rambled, which caused you to laugh. She turned back to look it over again, before pulling out her phone to take a picture. Soon, she was typing away furiously, a mischievous smirk on her face. You raised an eyebrow as she tucked her phone back into her purse, a satisfied grin replacing the smirk as she took your hand again.

“What did you do?”

“I sent it to the Itzy groupchat. What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t rub it in their faces that my partner made a masterpiece of me?” You laughed at her statement as she chuckled along with you.

“Now come on, I want to see the other art. Though, I doubt anything is gonna top yours.” You rolled your eyes softly, but couldn’t help but smile as she pulled you along gently, her hand in yours.

Just the way it was meant to be.

#hwang yeji #itzy yeji #yeji imagines #hwang yeji x reader #yeji x reader #itzy #itzy imagines #itzy x reader #iitzy scenarios #itzy oneshot #itzy fluff #yeji fluff #hwang yeji fluff #hwang yeji imagines #itzy yeji imagines #itzy yeji fluff

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hogwartstribune · 4 years ago

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The Hogwarts Houses as Artists:

Ravenclaw: makes art that makes you think, weirdly chaotic process (ie. using a hair dryer on high blast to work on a painting faster at 2am with a paintbrush in their mouth), can have hour long arguments over whether or not modern art needs to be beautiful, takes way too long to make all of their measurements precise, most likely out of all of the houses to sketch their observations casually, don’t ever copy their work because they pride themselves on their artistic creativity and composition skills and they will tear you down if you do copy their work, all of their works have complex meanings and every part of it is intentional like their color choices or even different sizes of subjects, have a habit of analyzing the proportions of people’s faces, “you have a great nose”, most likely out of all the houses to want to go to an art museum and stare dreamily at all the pieces

Hufflepuff: makes art to make themselves happier (this can either mean using it as an outlet to speak out about their darker/sad emotions or just making art that makes them smile), Van Gogh obsessed, gets a bit frustrated about how thin the pigmentation of yellow paint is because they use it all the time in their works and are too broke to buy more, will gift their art to people because even though it’s hard to part with their work it’s giving a part of themselves to another person, has the cutest biggest smile when someone complements their work, they’re the messiest out of all the houses and will usually have paint/charcoal/marker/whether medium all over themselves and their clothes, will always doodle in class, best at taking criticism (maybe? I feel like they would take it in stride to be better artists. Feel free to disagree), will always complement other artists’s work because they know how amazing that feels

Gryffindor: big bold ideas and colors, I have a feeling most Gryffindors prefer to use paint, besides the ones who go for more “outside the box” materials and try to make installations or sculptures, tend to leave projects unfinished because they start them in a flurry of excitement but then get frustrated when it doesn’t look like how they wanted it to, probably couldn’t explain to you why they created something in a certain way, “so why did you choose to do that” “I just felt like it”, their emotions drive their work and their work ethic, that being said they work in sporadic flashes of enthusiasm before losing the want to create something, your criticism will go in one ear and out the other because they’re making their art for themselves not for others, determined to make their own artistic style

Slytherin: you should feel incredibly honored if they ask you to critique their art because it’s like them baring their soul to you (and because normally Slytherins suck at taking constructive criticism especially if it’s about something so personal), deep and dark topics (even in seemingly happy art), draws a lot of their inspiration from their emotions and past experiences, gets annoyingly competitive about art even though art shouldn’t be a competitive field, never gets paint on themselves, will definitely have a muse that they love to sketch because wow that person takes their breath away, will hide their art if you try to look over their shoulder, tends to hate their art because they have unrealistically high expectations for themselves

#hogwarts houses #hogwarts #Hogwarts House Headcanons #harry potter headcanon #ravenclaw #ravenclaw headcanon #hufflepuff #hufflepuff headcanon #Gryffindor #gryffindor headcanon #slytherin #slytherin headcanon #hogwarts houses artists #can you tell I'm an arts major?#for now at least #might drop out lol #hogwartstribune

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emilyoftheshadows · 4 years ago

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Person A catches a bus home everyday, but today, they're so exhausted that they fall asleep, suddely they feel a light tap on their shoulder and open their eyes to see a cute guy/gal/person smiling at them. "Sorry to wake you, bit this is your stop, i hope you slept well"

So, this is the first piece I have written and posted here! This is a fluffy drabble loosely based on the prompt above as well as some tik tok ideas i've seen. I hope you enjoy and don't judge too hard :)

~~~~~~

Aelin never knew that she could feel such a wide range of emotions in such a short amount of time. The hectic events she had endured earlier in her day had left her drained and in dire need of sleep.

She started out her mornings as usual - brewing her coffee with the help of an overly excited Fleetfoot. On the subway ride to work, coffee in hand, she explicitly remembered checking her emails for any important notices regarding her job. As an advertising agent, she dealt with multiple clients at one time. With her meticulously organized calendar and the help of her overworked assistant Marion, she was usually able to keep everything in check. Today was not one of those days.

As she entered her office, Marion greeted her with her tablet in hand- Aelin’s schedule color coded, labeled and sorted by hour.

“Good morning Ms. Galathynius, ready to hear your schedule for today?” Aelin nodded, sipping her coffee as Marion listed her client meetings for the upcoming day. As they entered her office, Aelin paused.

“Marion, could you please repeat that first meeting again?”

“The Havilliard Scotch pitch at 12?” And that was when Aelin knew she was fucked. This pitch was meant for a well known drinking company in New York, fast on the come up. Havilliard Sr. was known to be picky about his branding, scrutinizing most agencies that had helped him before. She had barely gotten this client, practically begging Nehemia for the job. As she worked the branding, she had become worried about the content she was producing.

She was so worried about this pitch, that she had taken her laptop home last night in hopes of triple checking her work for mistakes and to fine tune some details. And that's where her laptop was at that moment. At her apartment, across town, sitting on her desk, collecting dust. Her mind raced at how to solve her predicament. The subway ride to and from her apartment was too long of a trip to make before the meeting and, like an amateur, she hadn’t saved her files anywhere else but her laptop. She was completely fucked.

Marion stood in the doorway, confused on what was going on in Aelin’s head. Aelin decided to finally release herself from her stupor. “Marion, could you please go find Aedion for me? And tell him it’s an emergency.”

With a determined look on her face, her assistant went as fast as her short legs could carry her to Aedion’s office on the adjacent part of the building floor she was on. Within minutes, Aedion was standing at her door, panting like he had just sprinted the fastest race of his life. The good thing about having her overbearing cousin work with her, is that she knew that in any problem he would help in an instant. And this was one hell of a fucking problem.

“What happened Aelin? Are you okay? Were you hurt? Do you need an ambulance?”

“You idiot I am physically fine, but still screwed and I need your help.” Aedion released the first breath Aelin had seen him take since entering her office.

“You know, when Marion power walked into my office saying you had an EMERGENCY and she didn’t know what was wrong with you, I definitely thought you would be passed out on your floor with blood on your face. But, you know, thanks for the heart attack. Really woke me up this morning.”

Aelin rolled her eyes at him. He was more dramatic than her, and that spoke volumes in itself.

“Aedion, please it really is an emergency. I have the big pitch for the Havilliard Scotch today and I left my laptop with the presentation at my apartment.” Aedion’s eyes widened in surprise. He knew that Aelin had been obsessed about this pitch and that mistakes like this only happened to her once in a blue moon. Aelin saw understanding dawn on his face and took that as a sign to continue.

“Now, I know a while back I sent you the rough drafts of the branding from when I first got the pitch. Is there any chance that you have the email or presentation saved still? If I have the basis of the presentation, I have an hour to build on it and hopefully fix this.”

Aedion’s face fell at the request. “We can go look, but you know I’m not the best at organizing my files Ace. It could be anywhere on my computer or not at all.” With those reaffirming words, Aelin and Aedion walked at a brisk pace back to his office. Combing through Aedion’s computer was an agonizing process. There were files saved from years ago that should’ve been deleted, and backtracking through all the contents of his computer made Aelin want to stab her eyes out. But it was all worth it, because hidden in the depths of this man’s terribly organized computer was the presentation. With a quick click of a button, she emailed the document to herself. She gave a half ass hug to Aedion, then practically ran to her office to start reworking her pitch on the computer there.

Aelin believed it was pure adrenaline that enabled her to finish her pitch in time for the Havilliard meeting. With a strong foundation laid out before her from her first draft, she had constructed almost her exact pitch that was left at home. Aelin waited for the Havilliards in the boardroom, smoothing out her clothes as she paced at the front. Far too soon, Marion escorted Havilliard Sr., Dorian Havilliard, and their close friend and partner Chaol Westfall into the room for her presentation. The three men had sat down in silence with no introduction, except for a small encouraging smile from the younger Havilliard. Taking that as her sign to start, Aelin cleared her throat.

“Hello gentlemen, today I want to present to you the future of Havilliard Scotch…”

---

As the men had exited the room single file, Aelin finally allowed herself to relax. That had felt like the longest pitch of her life. Going into the meeting, she had known the men were notorious for being extremely serious and critical of their agents. What she had not expected was the whispered words between the men after she had finished her presentation. As she looked on, Dorian Havilliard had finally broken away from their circle to address her.

“Miss Galathynius, thank you for your time. We will get back to you shortly about our decision to run with this branding or not.” With a quick nod and gesture to his companions, the trio had stood up and left the room. She was utterly shocked. Aelin had poured her sweat and tears into this pitch, quite literally, and they had just thanked her and left. No critiques, no opinions, no nothing.

Quite honestly, Aelin was exhausted. She had spent most of her brain power reworking that pitch in that 45 minutes before that meeting and she had nothing left to give today. Yet, she still had a full schedule left to woo clients and work on her other projects. By the time Aelin trudged back to the subway, she was ready for a nice dinner at home followed by a restorative night of sleep with Fleetfoot at her side.

Now, as she entered the subway, she immediately noticed the mystery man sitting down a few feet away from her. The man was moderately built, with muscles that were outlined by the fabric of his long sleeve t-shirt. His style was simple with a pair of nice jeans and Doc Marten boots, but that just allowed one's focus to settle on the beautiful creation that was his face. Mystery man had a strong jawline, lined with a bit of stubble and scruff. His eyes were a beautiful shade of green like none that she had seen before, his head topped with luscious silver hair. As the subway started, Mystery Man continued to sketch drawings into his book. Now, Aelin was never one to back down from an opportunity to flirt with one of the most attractive men she had ever seen. She was a single woman in a big city, why the hell not. But her day had taken a toll on her, and she just didn’t know if this was the right time or place. So, she opted to put in her headphones as she waited for her stop, listening to relaxing music to calm her anxieties regarding the failed Havilliard pitch.

Seeing that her stop was next, Aelin rose from her seat to wait in line for the doors to open. As she waited, she felt a light tap on her shoulder. Low and behold, there was the Mystery Man standing next to her with a piece of paper in hand. As she pulled her headphone out, the man silently handed her the paper. Looking down, she saw a pencil sketch of herself on the subway. The drawing was beautifully done with bold lines and harsh shading, contrasted by highlights created from the fluorescent lights of the subway. Her eyes welled up, immediately grateful for this thoughtful gift after such a horrible day. The Mystery Man saw her emotions, startled to see tears welling up in her eyes.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude on your privacy. I just… I like to draw and when I saw you… I mean, it’s just you’re so stunning..” The man’s face flushed red as he tried to justify his beautiful art. Aelin laughed out loud for the first time today at his misunderstanding of her swell of emotions.

“Oh no, these are just tears of..uhmm.. happiness? I guess…” She started to flush at her own awkwardness, trying to explain her emotions this time.

“I just had a really rough day and feel like shit. But this drawing is beautiful and I really am grateful that such a talented artist like yourself chose me as your muse today.” Aelin watched as the Mystery Man reacted to such a lavish compliment, somehow developing an even deeper blush with a shy smile . Gaining confidence from his reaction, she decided to make her move before she exited for her upcoming stop.

“Hey, Mystery Man, why don’t I give you my number? Seeing that I am your muse and all, I would really like to learn more about your art.” It was a subpar pickup line at best, but hey, she had a long day and for the circumstance she thought it good enough. The man gave a deep timbered laugh at her pickup line, clearly enjoying their conversation now.

“I think I might be one step ahead of you actually. Flip the drawing over.” As she flipped the paper, she saw a messy scrawl with the name Rowan, and what she could only assume was his number. The sight of these two things brought her complete giddiness. Giddiness that made you want to jump in the air and pump your fist because you're so excited. She looked up at Rowan, smirking as she tucked the piece of paper into her purse.

As the subway doors opened and they were pushed apart by bypassers, she turned around one last time to look at the man who had brightened her day beyond belief. She winked at Rowan as she walked away, not missing the wide smile he gave in return as the subway doors closed and continued on to the next stop.

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otterskin · 3 years ago

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I didn't like the LOKI show, no matter how hard I try, and it's messing with me.

My mother died at the end of December. A lot of other bad things happened as well, like the severe brain injury of my father.

I didn't cry. There was so much to do. I did it. And even then, when there was nothing left to do, I didn't cry.

I found distractions.

Today I went to see the Green Knight after a tough week at a new job that had me leave my father in another province even though he still needs help. I was trying to get back to the life I'd dropped.

I loved the Green Knight. The Arthurian Legends are as dear to me as Norse Mythology, and my copy of them had the Green Knight on the cover. The film was truly excellent, evoking the feel of the story whole still doing something unique and very A24. I cried at one point, like I did when watching the first THOR, because of how much it meant to see something I'd loved since the very first years of my existence finally make it to the big screen and be...right. It's own thing, it's own artistic product, but right.

Then I opened a tab in a browser and saw I had some messages on a website I comment on. It was just some minor criticism of the LOKI show I'd posted beneath an article and how it handled certain things.

I was downvoted. Berated. Hated. Lumped in the ad hominem twitter users who attacked the director and writer (I'd never, ever!) Told I was biphobic because I wanted to see more of a queer lens (I even addressed how difficult it is for bi people in queer cinema and society in general in my criticisms of the romance, but even that wasn't good enough - just disliking it was 'bad'.) I was told I just wanted my 'fanfic' made (I never made any laundrylist of plot points I demanded). I was accused of being a begrudged shipper (ha! If anything I'm an anti-shipper). I was told that I should love the show, it was awesome, and I was bad for not thinking so.

And I started to cry.

I don't cry. Only at movies. Not at real life. I didn't cry at my grandparents's funerals, I didn't cry when I was left with the body of my mother in the hospital room and my brother cried on my shoulder. I didn't cry when working through my dad's severe new disabilities as I realized how much he had lost. I didn't cry while realizing how messy my parents' finances were. I didn't cry when my mother's friends called me in the middle of the night and cried into the phone. I didn't cry when saying goodbye to my dog and going back to a rundown apartment with a terrible smell so I could go to work in a dark room for hours at a time.

But now I'm crying and writing this.

I've realized why. During everything, I looked forward to the LOKI show. The first THOR is deeply nostalgic to me and I watched it often in my first year of Uni when I was away from home. It tied in thematically to what I was going for. Thor 2 came out before I went on exchange, and while I disliked it overall, talking about it was a welcome distraction from my anxieties. Thor 3 was nerve-wracking, but it also came out during my first major job which I was struggling with, and I saw it so many times in theatres...it was such a huge comfort.

Looking forward to LOKI wasn't just a distraction. It was like a promise. A promise that I'd make it till then and see it and maybe it'd give me some comfort.

That's on me. That's a personal thing. It's an unreasonable expectation.

But I needed it, all the same.

Then it came out.

I tried. I really tried to like it, to forgive it, but the problems are things I've criticized for too long in so many other things. I always try to be respectful about, I never go ad hominem and attack the creators, only critique their work and I always mentioned what I liked but...

I didn't like it.

I have no urge to rewatch it.

And the Green Knight...the Green Knight was everything I wanted and needed it to be. It didn't let me down, though I've been anticipating it about as long as the LOKI show. They're very different, obviously, but in my heart they share the same compartment.

And after a very trying day...I realized how badly I needed to rewatch a Loki show I liked. But I can't even enjoy THOR or Thor:Ragnarok anymore. It's like everything I did like has been poisoned.

This thing that got me through immense pain is causing me pain. I don't want to be toxic. I'm sure it's in me. I try so hard not to wallow in disappointment, but to not even be allowed to talk about my problems without being lumped in with abusive online monsters...

I can't do it. I just can't.

This is supposed to be an escape, not another trial.

I needed the LOKI show to be good, so I could come out of the dark into the light, or at least walk through the night with a lantern ahead of me. And instead it was just more darkness, and it's not even entirely its own fault. It's the online discourse. It's the uncalled for harassment of Herron and Waldron. It's the taunting jabs at people who didn't have a good time as if we're all jerks. It's having people roll their eyes when you point out things that made you uncomfortable in the story, it's feeling slightly gaslit when you find something gross that the story intended to be gross and then being told it's not gross, actually.

I'm sorry. I don't want to cause pain. I just...

I needed it to be good. And unlike Thor 3, which delivered me respite in a dark time...it let me down. Worse, it's hurt me.

I said I don't cry, only at the movies. Something about them lets me cry in a way nothing else does. I can't cry at a funeral, but I can cry in a movie theatre at the drop of a hat. It's a release valve, a way for me to process things.

I think I was waiting for LOKI to give me permission to cry. To give me something that could release this pain in me. And instead, it just gave me more.

I never should have given it that power. I didn't want to. But I had to, to get through this.

I'm putting away the few THOR pieces of tat I have. I feel foolish. I always knew it was a capitalist piece of art, chucked from creator to creator with no creative shepherd, which in itself was stressful.

The fandom is no sanctuary for me either, since I'm primarily interested in the family dynamics and I'm sick of 'Odin is an ABUSIVE MONSTER' stories or even unrelated fics and posts just dropping in hate for him that's not at all canon but seems to be very popular to the point where people think it is. Especially since I often read these stories when I need to think of home and my father. Or, most pleasantly of all, when I get called an abuser or abuser-enabler because I say I like Odin as a character. I also can't really bear to deal with anything to do with Sylvie, whom I had high hopes for as someone who wants more female tricksters, but instead I got this...this Mary Sue that's very hard to criticize without being yelled at. I swear I'm coming at her writing as a feminist and I don't hate anyone, I don't, I just...sigh. She's just personally frustrating to me and not being able to discuss it without being called names sucks.

Not to mention I'm asexual, and I always struggle with romance in media being pushed as the 'ultimate relationship more important than any other'. Part of the reason I liked THOR so much was that romance was not the main feature of THOR and definitely not THOR 3 (while my disliked Dark World was all about it, and so is LOKI). And when I criticize the romance, I get called a prude (guilty, I guess), a troll, or, my favourite, just 'a hater'.

I don't want to hate. Who wants that poison in their veins? I'm here because the Thor series HELPED me because I LOVED it. And now I look at the things I used to love and I...don't, anymore.

So much is asked of me right now. I can't willingly invite this painful thing to sit on my chest as well, especially since the world is already shoving it into my face without my doing anything, in ads, in news, in everything.

I suppose that's why I've leaned even more into Odin lately. He was untouched by the LOKI series (though not the Simpson special, which worries me). He's a trickster, he's queer, he's nuanced, he's 'misunderstood' (that old cliche, but he's misunderstood and misrepresented by the people always yelling about how this or that character is misunderstood, which amuses me, except when it gets to me), and he's in many ways free to make my own.

I still have some stuff I'm going to publish that's practically finished. Finnesang has a lot more written for it but needs some major sit-down time for re-writes and edits. Lokabrenna is practically done, just needs tweaks and Beta. I'll be here a little longer.

But I think I'm going to have to step back for now and put my passions into other things.

I will be back. After all, after Thor 2 came Thor 3. Maybe Love and Thunder will right the ship and Thor can still be awesome, and maybe eventually a creative I love will come to work on the franchise. Really, that's the key for me - I loved Branagh before THOR, and loved Waititi before Thor, and disliked Waldron's work (though I gave him every benefit of the doubt and hoped and prayed to be wrong - sadly, it was what I expected.)

But...if LOKI season 2 is more of this, more romantic tropes I hate and Loki being an afterthought in his own show and his family being devalued for new characters...I can't do it. I can't watch something I used to love just throw that all away for something I dislike.

My tears are finally drying. I wrote a lot of this while the screen was blurry, so I hope there's no grammar or typo too embarrasing. I'm not sure I have the strength to re-read it. Sorry for the rant. It helped me feel better.

Thank you all. I hope I feel differently someday.

#loki show #loki 2021 #meta #loki thoughts #personal #update

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