#it's like the gateway into the Fall Dessert Time

[thisdorkyblogthing]

god I want zucchini bread so bad right now

[blog-reflection]

ONE / ELEVEN - A Genius Plan

Soo, where do I begin?

I decided to go up in my room and grab things I need for like about one, maybe two weeks. I took Henry, chargers but also clothes as well as my plushie bee I just called Majesty. I’ve thrown the loaded back down the stairs and almost threw myself with it. Once down, I grabbed and saved anything I could from the fridge. Luckily, unlike my bag, it wasn’t loaded. I checked every room before throwing on that new jacket and getting out of the house via the garage to get my bike. It was a black bike with white feels and a basket in front of the handlebar which was decorated with fake flowers. I threw the bag on the back of my bike and semi secured it with some string I found in the garage. I put my bag as well as a small music box in the basket and made sure Majesty will be secured as well, I really don’t want to miss out on her. I exited the home and turned left. During the ride I listened to a lot of music and just enjoyed the ride. Yes it was fall, yes it could have been warmer and yes it lowkey socket but it was also lowkey nice. It took me around 40 minutes to get to Shepherdswell but damn was I happy to be here. Back in the days I was driving to my grandparents all summer. They took me to the beach, to the city and sometimes even to London. It was a nice time. I placed my bike in the gateway and went to the door to knock, a couple of seconds later, my granny opened the door.

Thea: William? James: Hi Granny.

The entire ride I was thinking about how to tell them, how to say hi, but now? It all came out so naturally. I stepped closer to Thea and gave her a big hug.

Thea: James? Why are you here? Why is your bike so full of stuff? James: Oh can’t I just visit you? I wanted to surprise you.

I made sure to come across nice and innocent, but I haven even a bigger one for them. Thea went inside and I went to my bike to grab my bags. I put my bike next to the door and went inside. I let loose of the big bag in the hallway and walked into the kitchen so I could store the food in it.

James: Hey Granny, where’s Joe? Josepphe: I’m right here boy.

I looked around and noticed my grand dad standing in the door frame.

Josepphe: James what are you doing? James: Oh I just wanted to come around, you know, do some surprise cooking. Josepphe: Let me guess, beef with your mum? James: What? No, I really just wanted to give my two favourite old people a visit. Is that so hard to believe? Josepphe: Alright alright, then what meal are you doing? James: Depending, do you have rice?

Both of us started laughing really loud, even Thea joined in. It was a nice time. We all ate Lunch and then played some games, mostly card games, till the moon started rising. We cleaned it all up and then started to prepare dinner all together. Josepphe cut some veggies, Thea prepared the meat and I took care of the sauce. It’s all like it used to be when I was little. I am even sitting on the counter. Once everything was done I started to get the table ready and tried to decorate it a bit. I wandered through the living room looking for candles and a small candelabra. After a couple of seconds I spotted one right on the shelf. I carefully grabbed it and placed it in the middle of the desk. I also went outside to get some, more or less pretty flowers. The table looked pretty, I mean it. It had a lot of cottage living vibes while also looking sort of elegant, but that’s mainly due to the candelabra. We again, ate our meals and finished off with some wine and a tesco dessert. It’s been great. 

I headed to my old room for the night, it wasn’t prepared so I had to do that first. It was then when I realised that I haven’t looked at my phone since I arrived. I grabbed it from the floor, since it fell out of my pocket and turned it on. Spotify was still open, streaming a variety of songs from a shuffled mix I don’t know. The battery was almost dead, leaving me with 15% charge and docent messages from Jesse. FUCK. I WAS SUPPOSED TO MESSAGE JESSE ONCE I ARRIVED. I Ignored their messages and started calling them.

Jesse: You are such a mess sometimes. James: Hi yeah… I ehm...I might have forgotten. I’m sorry. Jesse: All fine, at least now I know you haven’t been murdered during the ride by a random dude with an axe. James: You, my friend, are watching too many movies. Jesse: I am an adult I can watch movies whenever I want to! Also, you never know. James: Okay topic change, it worked! I’m currently at my grandparents and no one is sus.  Jesse: Well, you are a pretty good liar I have to say. Not sure if that’s a good thing but in that case, well done! What’s your plan now? James: Weeelll I am not so sure. I brought Henry with me so maybe just browse until I find some apartments that I could visit.  Jesse: THAT’S IT!!! James: “THAT IS WHAT”? Jesse: Suggest a trip to Brighton for a week with them, it’s a gift from me. How about that? James: You are brilliant! That is a genius plan! Taking them to Brighton saves so much time not gonna lie! Jesse: So tell me everything, I got time now….

Jesse and I were talking for what felt like hours. I told them everything that happened at home, they updated me on their life. Apparently Jesse is getting close with a girl they know from their course. I don’t think they mean it in a romantic way though, otherwise they wouldn’t have told me. As open as we are Jesse never talks about who they date. I could be a dick and just look up the classes on Henry but..well who am I kidding. I booted up Henry and browsed through the Royal Holloway classes of Jesse's year. Usually the classes for Video Games Arts and Design are always loaded but that year was rather chill. There are only 48 out of 60

People in the courses, probably less knowing a lot of people don’t even attend lectures. Let's see…. We have 4 people that did not fill in any gender so I assume they are somewhere under the non-binary umbrella, so Jesse will love it there. The rest are split into 29 girls and 27 boys. But all in all they seem like a nice class so whoever the lucky one is to be friends with my best friend, she must be cool then! I browsed a bit through some pages of B&Bs to stay until I finally fell asleep. 

I got woken up by the smell of coffee and bacon with a small note of pancakes. I put on my shirt and ran down into the kitchen. Unlike last time there wasn’t much. Just a typical English breakfast. But that is great too! I took some pancakes and beans and ate rather fast. I found an awesome B&B and I really wanted to tell them. That’s when Joe spoke up.

Josepphe: James? What would you say to a trip? Just for a week. Your work must be pretty hard and I assume you haven’t had a proper vacation for now. James: You are right, there was no vacation. What are you planning on? Josepphe: Well, since you look for apartments in Brighton I thought we could go there? We could visit the beach or go shopping in between the apartments. What do you say? James: That’s amazing! I actually already looked around, I kinda wanted to surprise you but well works that way too haha Josepphe: Alright big boy, get your stuff, we will meet in two hours so we can get there by train, I’ll get us a taxi! James: Alright!

It didn’t take long to get everything ready since I haven’t even unboxed my bag. I changed into more appropriate clothes then a long shirt and boxer shorts and made my way downstairs. Josepphe and Thea were waiting in the living room, yet there was only one bag. Joe said granny can’t get with us because of her walking issue, which is fair. We waited another ten minutes outside before the taxi arrived. We hugged Thea goodbye and placed ourselves in the taxi which drove us right in front of the Dover main station. We went through the gates and on the train.

I can’t wait to be in Brighton

[doodle-pops]

Their favourite activity for the winter season

A/N: Hello to everyone reading. This is my first post based on the elves. I wrote a lot so the rest is under the cut. I hope everyone enjoys it and happy holidays 🥳🎄🥳

House of Feanor

Feanor – crafting. Sitting with you to help you make all the decorations to hang on the tree or around the house. Any ornaments you want, he’ll make it for you. No need to spend any money. He also enjoys building gingerbread houses with you. This is where you’d see his childish and carefree but competitive side.

Maedhros – decorating. He enjoys helping you paint, put up new curtains, rearranges the living room. He’s also the perfect person to have around when you can’t reach the high places to paint or to put up curtains. He’s the ladder. Always giving his genuine opinion to help you mix and match. You always end the day drinking a cup of hot chocolate.

Maglor – carolling. This was perhaps the most obvious to everyone including you. It’s not exactly carolling but hosting concerts where he’d perform all the holiday specials. He’d make room for you to join him on stage so you both can act and sing together. He loves when you get roles where you are couples. He gets to be more his natural self but a bit more flamboyant.

Celegorm – ice skating/sledging. He’s someone that loves the outdoors, so he’d obviously find an activity that suits his extravagant outdoor life. What better activity than sledging and ice skating. The entire time the two of you are engaging, he’s taking it as a competition. At least no one gets injured at the end of your fun and games.

Caranthir – baking. From the moment you walk into the house – actually from the gateway – you can smell the spices, meats, fruits, cookies, and cakes. It practically makes your mouth water and stomach grumble. He’d be dressed in an apron, busying himself about the kitchen. The both of you would engage in building gingerbread houses together while drinking hot chocolate with marshmallows and peppermint.

Curufin – decorating/crafting. This man is the best person you’d want to hire to renovate your house for the holidays. He’d everything, so you wouldn’t have to lift a finger. If you ask to help him, of course, he’ll let you assist. Make sure to guide you. If you want decorations for the tree, or for the fireplace, you got it. Everything in the house was made by him.

Amras – ice skating. Happy to hold your hands, or you close, ensuring you don’t injure yourself while you are out having fun. Like his older brother, if you are an excellent skater, then it’s a competition. Racing each other to see who can skate better. More spins, twirls, or dance better. Though the last option was a failure since neither of you were good dancers, to begin with.

Amrod – baking. This isn’t successful baking though. It’s more of competitive baking that results in a food fight and big brother Caranthir has to scold you both and then makes dessert because the both of you cannot bake to save a life. That’s what happens. The entire process was fun from beginning to end, even though the cake and cookies burnt and didn’t even raise because someone didn’t put any baking powder.

Celebrimbor – theatre. Well since they don’t have television like us, going to watch plays is the equivalent. The one time of the year he doesn’t want to be working. He just wants to relax and spend all the time possible with you. Sitting in the most private section in the theatre, you both would be out of view, so cuddling while watching the play happens. Just the both of you wrapped up in each other’s arms.

House of Fingolfin

Fingolfin – horse riding/sledge ride. You’d spend most of the day outdoors, roaming about on your horses, galloping through the snow-filled pathways. Leisurely strolling through the forest, hold hands sometimes, you’d be close to each other one your horses. Sharing the occasional jokes, you’d be able to see him in let loose a bit. At night when the snow is falling, you’d both go for a sledge ride. Drinking wine, laughing at his jokes, he’d have you tucked under his arm, making sure you were warm enough, despite the million and one layers you were wearing.

Fingon – ice-skating/frolicking. Holding hands, hopping from one stall to the next, playing games, or taking you to the ice-skating rink. The both of you would be matching in gold and blue, laughing at how you’re falling over. He’s an expert at skating so there’d be no falling. Holding your hands, guiding you – a successful excuse to be close to you – he’d be holding you close. Sometimes, he’ll pull you in close, almost lifting you, and skating around the ring.

Turgon – theatre/sledge ride. Waking up early, he’ll have you both going for sledge rides as the morning sun was rising. Swaddled in your cosiest winter wear, you’ll still lean into his side for extra warmth. Drinking tea or hot chocolate as you both were basking in the sun’s radiant rays. Later on, during the day, you’d attend the theatre to watch plays. Being the private person he is, you’d be in the private box, having the entire area all to yourselves.

Argon – frolicking/snowman building/snow fight. He’s spontaneous like his older brother, so he’ll want to be everywhere at once, dragging you with him. Playing games, watching the light display (they use magic), or fighting with snowballs. This is where the competition beings. It’s either a snowball fight or snowman building. And lucky for you, he’s doing both. You’d spend your time building a nice family of snowmen, only for him to start pelting you with snow, ruining some of your work. By the end of the day, he’s running for his life from you.

House of Finarfin

Finarfin – walks/winter meals. As the holidays approach, he makes time to spend it with you. Walks in the snow are his favourite. Just watching you walk in the snow, while you’re dressed in your beautiful attire makes him melt. He believes that the snow makes you look heavenly. Having meals with you is most absolute. He’ll never miss the opportunity to dine. Whether breakfast, lunch, or dinner, or all three, he’s happy to have them. Sometimes, it's relaxed and laidback, other times it’s romantic and cosy. You’d both end up dancing the night away, holding each other closely, basking in the warmth and comfort.

Finrod – baking/cuddling by the fireplace. The two of you would be dressed in the full chef’s wear, curtsy of Finrod, ready to bake to your heart's content. You’d be mixing the batter for cookies, while he’d sneakily try to steal when you’re not looking, earning him hits from your wooden spoon. He’d be rolling out the dough – tyring not to eat it – ready to cut out the shapes. While the cookies are baking, you’d be sitting in the kitchen laughing at old stories, drinking tea. When the cookies were finished, you’d both cuddle up by the fireplace, eating your gourmet dessert, watching in the snow falling outside.

Angrod – winter meals. So, he’d be most excited to have breakfast, lunch, and diner with you for the holidays. These meals would be held outside though. In a mini greenhouse, where you can sit and observe the snow falling on the glass. This sounds really magical. For breakfast, he’d insist on you have it in your pyjamas, because it’s the best way to enjoy breakfast. For dinner, he wants you both to be garmented in your finest wear. Spending the evening dining away, laughing and drinking to your heart's content. After, you’d both end it with a dance.

Aegnor – cuddling/eating. He wouldn’t want to leave the house, so he’d insist you do the same. Spending the day cuddled and swaddled in blankets by the fireplace, eating all your favourite desserts that the kitchen so graciously made. Swapping stories, telling jokes, sometimes you would fall asleep in his arms. You wake up to him asleep, snoring lightly. If the weather was holding up good, you’d go outside to see the reindeers and feed them.

Special Guest

Glorfindel – sledge riding/decorating. You’d start off the day with decorating because we know how easily distracted, he can get sometimes. His height comes in handy, but he is cheeky, so instead of putting the decorations up for you, he’ll insist on you sitting on his shoulder. Naughty boy. If not, he’ll lift you up, maintaining a firm grip so you wouldn’t fall. Decorating with him can be fun and painful because you can never get anything done. He’s always distracting you. You’ll also go on sledge rides, with Asfaloth dressed in golden bells and green and gold ribbons, pulling the sledge. Cuddled up next to each other, you’d both spend the evening watching the stars and the snow falling.

♡♡🎄🥳HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE AND BE SAFE🥳🎄♡♡

Masterlist

[symphonicmetal101]

Citizens of the Devildom HCs

Ok, so this isn't my normal kind of post, this is kind of a world building thing, but I think its kinda cool and is the only thing I have motivation to write- so hopefully y'all like this, I have a part two brewing in my head, and it might actually get typed out-

Anyways, I think its about time we delve into what the "citizens of the Devildom" entails-

Firstly, I believe they would be split into three main categories-

Spirit

Humanoid

Monster/non-humanoid

Below the cut is me breaking each category down farther and a bunch of stuff I came up with, hcs of how I think this works- enjoy!

Spirits

- Wisps- these are fragmented bits of souls, usually of lower ranking beings, or cursed beings. Some have enough consciousness to lead people wayward in their travels through the woods or into the outer rings of hell, thanks to legends and myths leading people to believe that they would lead them to knowledge or fortune.

- Ghosts- these guys gain more power the longer they remain this way, however they also have a closer connection with their body the more recently theyve passed. This means returning their soul to their body only works if they were an extremely powerful being, or if there happens to be an extremely powerful being nearby to assist- they go through different stages once their connection with their body is completely severed, which can vary depending on how willing they were to pass.**** Stage 1, they cannot interact in any way with the living. Stage 2, only necromancers and those who actively seek them out can interact with them for short, unsteady chunks of time. (This is like..the absolute last chance they have to maybe return to their body.) They can move small objects, like keys or figurines, but it can be exhausting. Stage 3, they can interact with more living world things, and mess with animals a bit. Stage 4, they can show themselves to the living for short amounts of time if they wish to, or remain invisible. They can possess objects. Stage 5, they can switch between being seen or not, as well as now curse objects if they were a magic weilder before they died. Stage 6, They have full control of their powers, and can possess humans. As their power grows, they will be able to possess more powerful beings, the hardest to do being an angel.

Ghosts only exist because they

1. Dont realize theyve passed on

2. Have unfinished business, and have a need/want to finish it on their own, or they have someone they need to communicate with.

3. They want to be a ghost-

**** in some cases, a ghost is aware they have passed on, but refuses to accept it. They do not meet any of the three things listed above- these ghosts are still grow in power, but are extremely unstable and unsafe for others in the Devildom, not to mention humans. They are exiled to the outer rings of hell until they change, or in rare cases, make it to the human realm.

- Shadow People- they don't quite fit anywhere else- these are often confused for stage 4 ghosts, however they are different. They flow freely between the human realm and the Devildom. They fade into the shadows, and follow people. As they grow more powerful, they can manipulate other shadows of objects. They cannot speak, but between shadow people, they can communicate through touch, but to other people, there is perhaps a type of energy they feel, but they cannot touch or speak. There are very very few shadow people that can materalize into something physical, though when they can, they can be extremely dangerous, or completely harmless and just curious- best to just not piss any of them off.

Humanoid

- Vampires- Canonically, dont think these guys exist if they had an event about it, but whatever. These have your typical vampiric powers, which I'll sum up with shape-shifting, heightened senses, hypnosis, super strength/speed, immortality, and of course though not designated as a "power", fangs. Their diet in the Devildom are compareable to human diets, blood being more of a dessert food, and when eaten/drunk, usually from a common Devildom livestock animal.

- Succubi/Incubi- again, same sort of thing as vampires- ya know the powers they got, I wont get into it if you dont, bc this is not the right kinda blog to go into that.😂

- Witches/Warlocks

ok so heres where we break this down again.

First there are witch-born and witch-learned folks, witch-born being exponentially more powerful than those who just learn witchcraft, though anybody can.

After that we have Elemental, Potion and Spell-based, Healing, Sin-Directed, and Great Witches, which know a fair amount of each magic type, and have mastered two types.

Elemental witches, as the name suggests, study the elements and usually try to specialize in one element, and then branch out. The four basic elements, (air, fire, water, earth), are gateways into learning other kinds of magic, such as earth- metal, or air- poison, etc.

Potion and Spell-Based witches, again, the name suggests, create potions and spells. Many witches do these as a source of income. This kind of ties into Sin-Directed witches, who usually find one of the sins most appealing, then focus their magic and learning to create spells/potions that relate to that sin, however Sin-Directed witches are usually the offspring of a demon and a witch and can usual make people feel a bit o the sin they study just by touching them.

So if there is a Sloth witch, their potions and spells relate to a full nights rest, to relaxation, etc.

Healing witches are on the brink of Devildoms society, almost outcasts as their magic is one learned from angels, but takes the most control and power, thus are respected nonetheless. Do I have a potential Romeo and Juliet story to go with this? Possibly

Demons

- Ok, again gotta split this up into

Demon born vs Fallen angel

As well as Elemental vs Sin

Demon born- they are inherently more aggressive. Early years are a pain....young demons likely being the most difficult children in devildom to raise.

Fallen angel- depends whether they wantwd to fall or not this isnt important rn-

Sin demons- the result of either accidental offspring from the brothers, or years of dedicated servuce to any one brother allowing their sin to slowly corrupt and invade the family line.

Elemental demons- like elemental witches.

Included under the humanoid category would be other beings like merfolk, as well as necromancers.

Demons are also ranked from nobility down to imps.

Monster

There are way too many to get into for this, but there is no way everyone is humanoid in the Devildom- thus allowing hell to be a home for goblins, trolls, gorgons, monsters without names, SCPs/other cryptids- literally, everything. If yall want me to get more into it, then let me know- I think I might be able too-

[city-witch-magix]

Samhain

I’m in North America so all of the dates might be wrong if you are in the Southern Hemisphere 

October 31st

Marks a chance to reconnect with our ancestors and honor those who have died, this is a time where the veil between the earthly world and the spiritual world is the thin and allows Pagans to contact the dead. 

History: It was the most significant holiday of the Celtic year. People would lit bonfires and sacrifice animals, fruit, and vegetables to aid the dead in their journey to the other world. Samhain became Halloween when Christian missionaries tried changing the Celtic’s religious practices and as a result of trying to wipe out “pagan” holidays they tried to convert people by adapting native beliefs into Christanity (if the people worshiped a tree, consecrate it for christ). The Celtic underworld eventually became Christian Hell. Virtually all Halloween traditions can be traced to the ancient Celtic day of the dead. 

Folklore/Legends: *People were often cautioned that if they heard footsteps behind them on Samhain night, they shouldn’t look back because it might be a spirit following them *If you host a dumb supper and no one speaks, spirits are more likely to show up *Ringing a bell on Samhain keeps the evil spirits away *According to some legends of eastern Europe, burying animal bones helps keep evil spirits away *A good time to reach out to your ancestors to see what you need to know and work on communicating with the dead *Black cats were seen as bad luck because in the dark ages at the witch hunting peak black cats were said to be familiars *One old folklore says that owls flew down on Samhain nights to eat the souls of the dead *If bats come down early on Samhain night it means there’s good weather coming, in the Middle Ages bats were associated with witches, dark magic, sorcery, and talking with the dead *Some people believe that if you see a spider on Samhain it harbors a dead ancestor watching over you and some parts of the world see the spider as a negative and malevolent being *Keeping a sprig of rosemary and a sixpence under your pillow on Samhain will make you dream of your future spouse *When bobbing for apples, the first girl to successfully get an apple is the first to get married *In parts of England it was believed that if a girl carried a lantern to a well on Samhain night, she would see the reflection of her future husband in the water

Decorate your altar with symbols of death, the harvest season, and tools of divination

Plan rites that celebrate the harvest season or honor the dead

To celebrate with kids you can honor the dead by holding a friendly ritual with listing the people who have died in your family, make crafts, spend time outside, or even celebrate Halloween 

You might hold a séance or a dumb supper

Harvest Prayer- Corn has been shucked, grain has been threshed, herbs have been hung to dry. Grapes have been pressed, potatoes have been dug, beans have been shelled and canned. It is the harvest season, and food is ready for winter. We will eat, and we will live, and we will be grateful.

Samhain Ancestor Prayer- This is the night when the gateway between our world and the spirit world is thinnest. Tonight is a night to call out those who came before. Tonight I honor my ancestors. Spirits of my fathers and mothers, I call to you, and welcome you to join me for this night. You watch over me always, protecting and guiding me, and tonight I thank you. Your blood runs in my veins, your spirit is in my heart, your memories are in my soul. [If you wish, you may want to recite your genealogy here. This can include both your blood family, and your spiritual one.] With the gift of remembrance. I remember all of you. You are dead but never forgotten, and you live on within me, and within those who are yet to come.

Prayer to the Gods of the Underworld- The harvest has ended, and the fields are bare. The earth has grown cold, and the land is empty. The gods of the death are lingering over us, keeping a watchful eye upon the living. They wait, patiently, for eternity is theirs. Hail to you, Anubis! O jackal headed one, guardian of the realm of the dead. When my time comes, I hope you may deem me worthy. Hail to you, Demeter! O mother of darkness, May your grief be abated when your daughter returns once more. Hail to you, Hecate! O keeper of the gate, between this world and the underworld. I ask that when I cross over, you may guide me with wisdom. Hail to you, Freya! O mistress of Folkvangr, guardian of those who fall in battle. Keep the souls of my ancestors with you. Hail to you, O gods and goddesses, those of you who guard the underworld and guide the dead on their final journey. At this time of cold and dark, I honor you, and ask that you watch over me, and protect me when the day arrives that I take my final journey.

Some Recipes: https://www.learnreligions.com/samhain-recipes-4145789 (Ghost poop dessert, Day of the Dead sugar skulls, Creamy marbled orange fudge, soul cakes [4 kinds], Roasted pumpkin seeds, Pumpkin spice cheesecake, Butternut squash casserole, Pumpkin soup) 

Source: https://www.learnreligions.com/eight-pagan-sabbats-2562833     https://www.learnreligions.com/all-about-samhain-2562691 the second link is specifically to Samhain where it is basically a link dex kinda thing where I clicked on the information I wanted and put in this

[justheretobreakthings]

Arms Wide Open

Written for @gentronlegendaryfriendships

Day Four: Meeting the Family | Cultural Exchange

Word Count: 4,396 Characters: Keith, Shiro, the Holts Read on AO3 My house, my rules, my ko-fi

Story Summary:

The Holts are hosting a cookout for the members of the Kerberos team and their families. Shiro brings Keith along.

The Holt family’s backyard was bigger than Keith had expected. Sure, the house was near the edge of town, where homes started spreading out as the borders between city and countryside started to blur, but still. Maybe it was just because Matt was such an indoorsy guy, a computer geek with a habit of hibernating in his dorm, and Keith had just wound up assuming that the Holts didn’t have a whole lot of use for a big backyard. He hadn’t considered that the rest of the family may be more prone to going outside than Matt was.

Or perhaps just the fact that the yard was currently so crowded was making it look bigger. Shiro had told Keith that this cookout was for the Kerberos team and their guests, but Keith had assumed that just meant him and the Holts. The ground team had completely slipped his mind. There were dozens of people here; a couple were instructors at the Garrison’s academy, a few Keith vaguely recognized as either guest speakers or people he’d seen talking with Shiro, but most were strangers.

A nudge against his shoulder, from the seran-wrapped plate Shiro was balancing carefully in his hands, reminded him that he was standing frozen in the gateway, and he edged a little along the fence to let Shiro through. “You all right?” Shiro asked him.

“Uh-huh,” Keith said with a tentative nod. “Just, um, more people than I thought there’d be.”

“Ah, sorry about that. Well, you don’t need to talk to anyone you don’t want to talk to, okay? A lot of these people are stuffed-shirts anyway, don’t want that ruining your fun.” He grinned. “Just focus on the food, yeah? You haven’t lived until you’ve eaten one of Colleen Holt’s burgers. She’s a wizard on the grill.”

“Okay,” Keith said, taking a deep breath to prepare himself before following Shiro into the yard. The food did smell good, and the smell just improved as they made their way toward the food on display on folding tables against the wall of the house, all lined up for people to make their way down after getting their main course from the grill, which was currently being manned by a short-haired, slender woman Keith took a moment to recognize, since he’d only ever seen Colleen Holt before in a couple of photos on Shiro’s phone.

Shiro waved as they approached, giving her a smile. “I’m assuming you saved your very best burgers for me?” he asked as she turned toward them and returned his grin.

“Well, I was going to,” Colleen replied. “But you’re late. I ended up giving them away to some people who know how to stick to a schedule. I hope you’ve learned your lesson, young man.”

“Hey, I’ve had a busy week, needed to catch up on paperwork before getting here.”

“Mm-hm. And what paperwork would that be?”

“Not important.” He held out the plate in his arms. “I brought brownies. Does this make up for the tardiness?”

Colleen leaned in to examine the brownies. “Aw, Shiro,” she said, “You didn’t need to bring anything.”

“Oh, please, I’m happy to. Nothing like a good homemade brownie to finish off a good meal.”

Keith furrowed his brow. “They’re not homemade. You bought those.”

Shiro made an exaggerated grimace. “Well, a bakery is more like a home than most other businesses out there, so I’m still counting it.”

“But you got them at the supermarket.”

Shiro grimaced as Colleen laughed. “That’s okay, I could have guessed,” she said. “He’s not exactly known for skills in the kitchen. So, Shiro, planning on introducing me to your buddy here?”

“Right, of course,” Shiro said. “Keith, this is Colleen Holt - ”

“Doctor Colleen Holt,” she corrected him.

“Doctor Colleen Holt. Sam’s wife and Matt’s mom. Also an astrobotanist; she was on the team that developed the modular cultivation system that the Garrison currently uses in its lunar biospheres. Colleen, this is Keith Kogane. He’s a cadet at the Garrison. Probably going to beat me out for best pilot in academy history by the time he graduates, but don’t let him get a big head about it or anything.”

“Ah, Matt mentioned you’d taken one of the cadets under your wing,” Colleen said, holding out her hand to Keith. “Good to meet you, Keith. I hope Shiro here hasn’t been too terrible an influence on you.”

“I’m an amazing influence and you know it,” Shiro said as Keith silently shook Colleen’s hand. “Keith, don’t listen to her. She once said to Matt, and I quote, ‘Why can’t you be more like Shiro?’ Of course, that was only in regards to table manners, but still.”

“And if you can ever manage to teach that boy how to use a napkin, I will admit you’re an angel sent from Heaven, but that’s a pretty big ‘if’. You can go ahead and put your brownies with the rest of the desserts, Shiro, they’re at the end of the - ” She started to point toward the end of the line of tables, then frowned. “Katie!”

A girl who had been standing at the table jumped, her cinnamon-brown ponytail whipping around as she turned to face them, a partially eaten cookie dangling out of her mouth. Matt had mentioned before that he had a sister, and immediately Keith pegged this girl as her. Her face was a carbon copy of Matt’s; give her glasses and a shorter haircut and she could easily be mistaken for a younger version of Matt himself.

“What?” Katie asked through her cookie.

“How many of those have you had?”

Katie chewed thoughtfully at the cookie and swallowed before answering, “Like, fifty?”

Colleen sighed. “I told you to be sure to leave some for everyone else. You should at least try not to make yourself sick. Or eat some vegetables between the desserts.”

“Sorry,” Katie said with a shrug, not sounding sorry at all. She lifted her hand in a little wave. “Hi, Shiro. Those for me?”

“Hi, Katie, and no.” Shiro pulled the plate of brownies toward his chest. “If your mother says no more desserts, then no more desserts for you.”

“Kiss-up,” Katie said.

“Watch it, Katie,” Colleen said pointing her spatula at her. “You all promised to be on your best behavior today.”

“Matt calls him a kiss-up too.”

“Matt says it as a term of endearment,” Shiro said with a smirk. “Ah, Keith, you haven’t met Katie Holt yet, right? Matt’s little sister and gremlin extraordinaire. Katie, this is Keith. He’s a cadet at the Garrison. Top flier of his class,” he added with a note of pride in his voice, thumping Keith on the shoulder. “Katie’ll probably be applying to Garrison next year, so she may be a future classmate of yours. Scratch that, she definitely will be, she’s already nearly as good with computers as her brother.”

Katie snorted. “Nearly? I can code circles around him. If I was a couple years older, you can bet I’d be on that Kerberos mission too.”

“But for now, you’re here on Earth with us,” Colleen said. “And your job right now is to set out Shiro’s brownies for him, okay? And no eating them, you’ve had enough sugar to last you a week already.”

“We’ll see,” Katie said, stepping forward to take the brownies from Shiro and moving back to the dessert table.

Colleen sighed, rolling her eyes before turning back to Shiro. “All right, let’s not let these things get cold. You two want burgers or hot dogs?”

“Burgers for both of us,” Shiro answered. “Please and thank you.”

Colleen set buns onto paper plates for both of them before adding the patties and handing them off, and with a nod of thanks, Shiro led Keith down the tables to scoop up toppings and sides. He grabbed a large handful of the cookies Katie had been eating, looking around as if worried she was going to swoop back in and steal them from his plate - as far as Keith could tell, she had simply vanished from the yard, maybe slipped back into the house while he wasn’t paying attention, but he decided to take a cue from Shiro and be on his guard anyway - and passed two of the cookies to Keith before pulling two cans of lemonade from the cooler beside the dessert table before motioning Keith to follow him farther into the yard.

Keith balanced his plate carefully as they walked, one hand on top of the food to keep his potato chips from falling to the ground. He was nearly bowled over by two kids running past him right between him and Shiro, and right before they reached seats at one of the folding tables scattered throughout the yard, something cold nudged against his leg that made him jump, but he did manage to get all the way there with nothing being dropped. And the thing that had nudged him turned out to be the nose of a bull terrier, who wagged his tail enthusiastically while staring at Keith’s plate with shining eyes. Keith relented, ripping a piece of his hamburger bun off and handing it to the dog as he took his seat.

The dog wolfed it down without pausing to chew, then jumped up and put his front paws on the table, tail wagging even harder as his snout reached for more of Keith’s food. Shiro laughed. “I should have warned you,” he said. “Once Bae Bae knows you’re a sucker for the puppy dog eyes, he’ll never stop his begging.”

“Sorry,” Keith said.

“Hey, don’t apologize, I fell for it too my first time visiting. Hey Bae Bae!” He clicked his tongue, and the dog’s ears perked up as he turned to Shiro. “Ready?” Shiro said, lifting his clenched fist. Bae Bae stared intently. “Fetch!” Shiro turned around and tossed something Keith didn’t see across the yard, and Bae Bae took off, tongue flopping to the side of his mouth as he ran.

“What did you throw?” Keith asked.

“Nothing,” Shiro said. “Bae Bae’s not exactly as smart as the rest of the Holts. So.” He gestured toward Keith’s plate. “Go ahead, take a bite, tell me if you like it.”

Keith lifted the burger and bit into it, chewing slowly as Shiro watched eagerly. “All right,” Shiro said as Keith swallowed. “Is it amazing?”

“I’ve only had one bite,” Keith said.

“Okay, fine, take a few more.”

Keith did, contemplating the bite as he chewed, then nodded. “Yeah, it’s really good.”

“Best burger you ever tasted?”

“Uh… I mean, I really like the ones over at Larrison’s diner.”

Shiro raised a brow. “Wow, Keith. You’re really going to do Colleen dirty like that.”

“I didn’t say I didn’t like the burger. Just, it’s not the best burger ever.”

“You know what, maybe it’s a matter of cheese complementing her burgers better than it does at Larrison’s. Suppose we’ll have to try to scrounge up some no-lactose cheese somewhere and come back sometime so you can try again. See if that - ah, Major Whitaker, good to see you.” He cut himself off as a middle-aged man took the seat across from him.

“Lieutenant,” the man said. “You read that article that came out this morning on that exoplanet survey satellite? If I might bend your ear for a few minutes, got some ideas about getting some collaboration worked out with the data we get from Kerberos.”

Keith chewed silently, letting his focus drift to his food as Shiro delved into conversation with the other man. Some of the stuff they were mentioning Keith could understand from his Garrison classes, but other parts were above his pay grade. He had finished the burger and had moved on to his chips by the time Whitaker spotted someone else he needed to talk to and took his leave.

“Sorry about that,” Shiro said, turning back to Keith with a little smile. “He tends to get right into talking, doesn’t bother with formalities like introducing himself.”

“That’s okay,” Keith said.

“You know, if you’d like, this can be a bit of opportunity to meet some of the other people involved in the Garrison’s manned missions. Considering how easily you’ve already taken to piloting, some of these people may be future crewmates of yours. Let’s see.” He turned in his chair. “Colonel Molina there, she was on the flight crew to the Garrison’s first expedition to Enceladus, and was one of the engineers who designed the Kerberos’ cockpit layout. That woman she’s with - crap, can’t remember if they’re fiancées still or wives now. Ah, well, not important. Uh, Dr. Velitchkov’s the one in line at the grill now, he’s our propulsion engineer, part of mission control. Captain Hashim’s mission control too, our flight dynamics officer. She’s the one over at the cornhole boards, those boys are her stepsons. Oh, the man at the table right there under the tree - ”

“Uh, Shiro,” Keith said. “This is - this is a lot of people to keep track of.”

“Right. Sorry, you’re right. Well, hey, if there’s anyone of interest you want me to introduce you to, I will, but set your own pace, all right? If you wanna just eat your chips in peace, that’s fine too.”

“Thank you.” Keith dipped a chip into the baked beans on his plate, munching on it as he glanced around at the gathered guests. Already he had forgotten every name Shiro had just told him, and the faces crowded around the yard were blurring together in his mind until they all looked the same. He shook his head, focusing on his food as Shiro chattered with a couple of other Garrison staff who came by the table. He nodded each time Shiro introduced him, but that was the only contribution he made to the conversations.

The meal was able to pass easily that way until one officer asked to borrow Shiro from the table, wanting to introduce him to his young daughter who apparently wanted to be an astronaut some day and was a very ardent Shiro fan. Shiro flashed Keith an apologetic smile as he got up. “I’ll only be a few minutes,” he said.

Keith nodded and waved him away, but the meal didn’t last him the rest of those few minutes, since he was already halfway through his dessert - two of Shiro’s not-homemade brownies - when he left. Once his plate was emptied, he sat at the table, unsure of what to do next. The people seemed louder when Shiro wasn’t next to him, the yard smaller and the smoke from the grill thicker.

He swung his legs for half a minute, thinking of tracking Shiro down and dragging him back over, but thought better of it. There were things to do at the cookout - cornhole boards and a badminton net were set up, and there were plenty of people just talking and laughing to pass the time - but they all required nerves and social energy that Keith simply didn’t have today.

Finally he settled on tracking down that dog and playing with him for a bit, and after scanning the yard, spotted his tail following someone through the back door of the house. Keith stood from his seat, moving to enter the house too, and tried not to draw attention to himself from the few people who had gathered in the kitchen. Instead he looked around for Bae Bae, and went to the stairs when he heard a jingling collar and the sound of paws climbing up the steps.

He hesitated at the bottom of the staircase, wondering if he was invading the Holts’ privacy by going up there, but decided he could at least check to see if the dog was just up in the hallway, not in anyone’s room. So he followed up the stairs and spotted Bae Bae. Not in the hall, but through an open doorway, lying on his back in a bedroom with his paws dangling in the air and his tongue flopped out, seemingly waiting for a belly rub. The other occupant of the room, though, hadn’t seemed to have noticed him there, since she had headphones on and was concentrating on what appeared to be some sort of fantasy MMO on the computer screen. Katie, Keith remembered, that’s what her name was.

And even though she hadn’t noticed anyone else around, Bae Bae did, and he rolled over, wagging his tail at the sight of Keith and letting out a bark. Katie jumped a little in her seat, lowering her headphones and turning around. “Uh,” she said. “If you’re looking for the bathroom, it’s the next door over.”

“No, I, uh - ” Keith cleared his throat. “I was actually just - I was following - ” He gestured toward Bae Bae, suddenly realizing how childish it probably seemed to have left the cookout to focus on following the pet around.

Katie, though, didn’t seem to think much of it, since she just shrugged and gestured him inside. “Go nuts. He likes scratches right behind the ears.”

“Okay.” Keith slowly entered the room and lowered himself to give Bae Bae the scratches, and he thumped his tail and panted eagerly at the petting. Keith glanced back at Katie’s screen. She seemed to be playing as some sort of troll or ogre carrying a hulking maul, and a picture of the character’s face in the top-left corner labeled her as Pidgeotto321 above a half-full health bar. “So, um, what - what are you doing up here?”

“I live here,” Katie answered.

“I mean, up here instead of at the cookout?”

“Oh.” She shrugged again. “I got bored. Been to a lot of these Kerberos things for Matt and Dad. After a while they’re all the same. And I always get the same questions. Oh, are you going to go to the Garrison too, follow in your big brother’s footsteps? Like they think I’m only interested in space to copy him. Or, wow, a whole year without your dad and brother, are you gonna miss them? Yeah, no shit I’m gonna miss them. Still say they could’ve waited a few years to go on this mission, wait until I’m old enough to go too, but…” She trailed off, grimacing. “God, sorry. Didn’t mean to ramble.”

“S’okay,” Keith mumbled.

“Just, ugh.” Katie sighed. “I’m excited for them, I really am, but it’s also kinda like, once the mission’s over and they’re back, it’ll be a relief, you know? Like, it’ll all stop being this big looming thing we gotta all prepare for. You been to many of these event things with Shiro?”

“A couple,” Keith said. “And I, uh, I get it. I’m gonna miss him too.”

Katie let out a little thoughtful hum before removing her headphones all the way and turning in her seat toward him. “So, like, out of curiosity, what are you two anyway?”

“Hm?” said Keith.

“You and Shiro. Are you cousins?”

“Um, no. Did - did he say we were?”

Katie shook her head. “Was just a theory. You look like you might be Japanese too, but not as much as Shiro, so I figured you couldn’t be full brothers, but you could be cousins. Or half-brothers.”

“Oh. Yeah, I’m - I might be, I guess.” Keith didn’t actually know his ethnicity. His surname was probably Japanese, and he had seen on some of his social workers’ paperwork in the past that he had been marked down as mixed-race, but that was as specific as it got. His dad had died before Keith even knew what ethnicity was, and so had never asked about it, and of course his mom was just a giant question mark as he didn’t even know what she looked like.

“But you know, um - ” He cleared his throat. “Even if so, it’s not like all Japanese people are related.”

“Well, obviously,” Katie said, rolling her eyes. “But he invited you to a family cookout, right? Just assumed that probably meant you were related somehow. Are you?”

Keith blinked at her. His hand stopped scratching Bae Bae, and the dog nudged him in an attempt to regain his attention, but Keith was too focused on Katie right now to pay any mind. “What do you mean? He said it was a Kerberos cookout.”

“Yeah, for the Kerberos team and their families. That’s what the invitation Mom e-mailed out said. Most everyone else brought their spouses and kids, but obviously you’re not Shiro’s husband or son, so, you know. I was just wondering.”

“Oh. Um, we’re - he’s kind of, um, he helped me with - with applying to the Garrison and stuff, and uh, we - he’s done some, uh - ” He cleared his throat. “You said the bathroom was the next door down?”

“Uh-huh,” Pidge said, frowning. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” Keith stood up. “Just, uh, just need to pee, that’s all.”

“Okay. Well, have fun.” She turned back to her computer as Keith left.

He didn’t head to the bathroom, though, and instead went back down the stairs and toward the yard. He didn’t get all the way there, though, because Shiro was in the kitchen, casting Keith a relieved smile at his entrance. “Hey, I was wondering where you ran off to!” His smile receded a bit as he caught Keith’s expression. “Something up?”

“No,” Keith said. “No, um, no, just - just, I was - I didn’t - ”

“Here.” Shiro swooped in to usher him away from the kitchen, where his stammering had started to attract attention, and into the Holts’ living room instead. “Now,” he said. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Keith said. “I just, um… why - why didn’t you tell me this was a family cookout?”

Shiro frowned, brows drawing pensively together before slowly asking, “Are… you upset by that?”

“No. Well, I mean, I - I’m not upset, but - but - why am I here?”

“What do you mean?”

“This is supposed to be a family thing. I’m not - I shouldn’t be here. I should go - ”

“Hey, hey,” Shiro said softly. “Keith, it’s okay. It’s fine. I’m sorry, bud, I hadn’t realized that this was going to be distressing for you. I should have asked you ahead of time, if you were comfortable with going to a family event. That’s on me.”

“No, that’s not - why me? You’ve got family. Actual family.”

Shiro’s frown deepened. “Well, uh, my parents are about a ten-hour drive from here. Seems like a long way to travel for one cookout. But Keith - ”

“What about Adam? He’s your fiancé, you should have brought him, you - ”

“Keith, I am sorry. I never meant to make you uncomfortable. I just thought…” He let out a breath. “You know, for a long time growing up, I wanted a little brother, and lately, helping you out with school and… well, with everything we’ve been doing, I suppose I’ve started thinking of you as - well, regardless, I’m sorry if that was overstepping your boundaries. If you don’t want me to think of you that way, I won’t. I promise.”

Keith bit his lip, shaking his head. That wasn’t it, it really wasn’t. After all, hadn’t he himself started to look at Shiro that way too? The guy was the perfect role model, had taken Keith under his wing and asked for nothing in return, had been there through every misstep Keith had made as a cadet and every low point, taught him about flying and riding hoverbikes and boxing and life. If Keith pictured the perfect big brother, he pictured Shiro.

But lots of people probably fantasized about having a big brother who was perfect.

People didn’t fantasize about having a little brother who was a needy, reckless screw-up.

“You - you shouldn’t,” Keith choked out. “You should - you should have a really good family. Your family should be really good people.”

“Keith, what do you mean?”

“I mean… you’re Shiro.”

“You’re Keith.”

Keith huffed. “I - I don’t get it. Why do you bother? You’re supposed to - you can do better.”

“Keith - ”

“You’re supposed to save being ‘family’ for people who are related to you. Or - or for - for when people have earned it. You can’t just throw it around like that, it - that’s not how it works. You’re supposed to - ”

He hadn’t realized his throat was tightening up until he choked on his words, and immediately, there were arms around him, and Shiro’s head was on his shoulder, speaking softly in his ear. “God, Keith. You’ve… people have really done a number on you, haven’t they?”

“I - ”

“You don’t have to earn anything from me, okay? I promise Keith. I like you. I like spending time with you, I like teaching you. I like making you feel better when you’re down, I like that you pretend to like my cooking.”

“I like your - ”

“No you don’t, but I like that you’ll lie for me. I like watching you succeed. I like seeing you grow. In my eyes, that makes you family. It’s not some elite class you’ve got to work your way into, Keith. It doesn’t matter what I’m ‘supposed’ to do, that’s not how family works. I don’t have to call you my brother or anything, not if you don’t like it - ”

“I, um,” Keith said softly, “I didn’t - I didn’t say I don’t like it. I’m just…”

“Not ready for it?”

“... I dunno?”

Shiro nodded. “That’s okay. That’s your call. But don’t you ever think that it’s not something you deserve, Keith. Don’t ever think that. Because it’s not true, not one bit.”

Keith nodded, sniffing before mumbling, “Okay.”

Shiro gave him a firm pat on the back before pulling out of the hug. “Now,” he said. “Matt was outside a few minutes ago, and he thinks he and Sam can beat the two of us at cornhole. You up for helping me crush his self-esteem?”

“Uh-huh,” Keith said, giving Shiro a hesitant smile.

“Attaboy. Come on, we’ll let him know we’re ready.”

He wrapped his arm around Keith’s shoulders and steered him back toward the kitchen, and as he did, Keith cleared his throat. “Um, Shiro?”

“Yeah?”

“If - if you wanna call me your brother, just, every once in a while - so I can, um, maybe test it out, see if I can get used to it - that, uh… that’d be okay, I think.”

Shiro grinned. “Will do, little brother.”

[chilling-seavey]

Amoureux (c.s./d.s.) - Chapter Four

A/N Daniel is such a different type of character in this book then my other ones and I’m kind of living for it 

The next morning at breakfast, Louisa met the youngest of the British Royal Family; twelve-year-old Anna. She had a mysterious aura to her that Louisa couldn’t quite place, a smile that much resembled Louisa’s own younger sibling when it came to getting what he wanted. It seemed Anna was no different. Even still, she was still a polite young girl and carried herself well for being so young.

The seating arrangements were explained that same morning, a strict rule that Louisa didn’t quite understand but it was expected in the British Royal Family apparently. She would sit across from Christian at every meal, not beside him, with the King on her left and Daniel on her right. Apparently being seating across from your spouse or partner was expected. It was a strange order but it wasn’t Louisa’s to critique so she followed silently, sharing Daniel’s polite smile as she sat beside him at breakfast.

Conversation progressed smoothly, complimenting the couple on their impressive dancing from the night before, how they seemed so perfect together. Christian’s grin didn’t go unnoticed by Louisa who easily returned it through a bite of her breakfast.

“Of course, the gala would have gone much smoother without someone sneaking in to take away some desserts.” The Queen directed at her middle child.

“No fair! Daniel got to see the gala?” Anna whined, looking between her mother and her brother who was across the table.

“He was supposed to be in his room like you were.” The Queen told her daughter. “Important galas, such as this one, was no place for children.”

“I’m not a child, Mother.” Daniel frowned. 

“Until you are of age like your brother, you are a child.” The King said.

“Louisa is my same age and she was able to attend.” Daniel retorted.

“Louisa is the one getting married. She is of age for a woman. When you get married, you will have your own gala.” The King said sternly, “Now please stop arguing with us, Daniel. You are making yourself look more like a child.”

Daniel scoffed with annoyance under his breath and Louisa caught his eyeroll as he took a bit of his breakfast, making her smirk to herself.

When breakfast was finished, Christian and Louisa headed out for a walk around the palace grounds to get to know each other better and so Louisa could familiarize herself with the area. It was a sunny day so Louisa had her lace parasol resting on her shoulder to shade her from the sun, her other arm tucked around Christian’s.

On their slow-paced journey around the palace grounds, they shared a few basic pieces of information about themselves and Louisa learned that Christian had turned twenty in March and was the heir to the throne only because their family’s first born son had died from typhus as a toddler only three months before Christian was born. He was born into his own destiny to mourning parents. Even still, he was more than thrilled to be able to call himself the future King of England and yet he was most humble about it.

Soon the conversation continued, and Louisa shared some of her favourite pastimes, how she liked to dance.

“Dancing is a sort of gateway to the soul.” she said, “You can tell a lot about someone by the way they dance.”

“So, you must be no less than absolute perfection.” Christian said casually.

“What a charmer.” Louisa blushed.

“I don’t mind dancing, however I am more of a reader myself.”

“A reader?”

“Yes. Literature and poetry mostly. I have a whole section of our library where I can display and store my collections.”

“That sounds peaceful.”

“Truly. Sometimes I come out to the garden to read by the pond.”

“You must take me to your secret spots one day.”

“Of course, I will.” Christian smiled over at her. “We have all the time in the world.”

Louisa slowed to a stop, keeping her arm in his to get him to stop beside her and she leaned up to press a quick kiss to his cheek. Christian bit back a grin, his dimples appearing as he started to lean in towards her. They were mere centimetres apart before something bounced off Christian’s head.

He stood back quickly, brushing whatever it was out of his hair and looked around, “What the-”

“You were getting a little close there, don’t you think, brother?”

Louisa and Christian looked above them to find Daniel perched on a branch of the large tree they were standing under. His legs swung playfully over the side and he smiled innocently at them. Louisa giggled lightly.

“Daniel, what are you doing?” Christian asked sharply.

“Amusing myself.” Daniel dropped another acorn on his older brother’s head.

“Stop that!” Christian snapped. “It would be greatly appreciated if you went back inside and minded your own business.”

“What would be fun about sitting inside on such a nice day?” Daniel jumped down from the tree, landing heavily on the grass between them. “And, instead, spending time with my favourite brother and the French Princess?”

He sent a small smile towards Louisa and she returned it, twirling her parasol over her shoulder as she looked between Christian’s annoyed scowl and Daniel’s innocent grin.

“Daniel, I swear, if you don’t go inside right now I will-”

“You will do what exactly, Christian?” Daniel asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

Christian glanced from his brother over to Louisa’s straight-faced expression, waiting to hear what he was going to say for herself as well. He didn’t want to look like a bossy older brother in front of this young woman he was so easily falling for so he simply sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger before throwing his hands up.

“Fine. You can join us.”

“Splendid!” Daniel beamed, situating himself between the couple and linked his arms through both of theirs. “What are we discussing this fine morning?”

“How annoying you are.” Christian muttered to himself.

“Literature.” Louisa corrected lightly.

“Ah, oui, my brother’s terribly bland pastime.” Daniel sighed.

“There is nothing bland about being educated.” Christian retorted. “Although that is something you do not know about.”

“On the contrary, dear brother.” Daniel said dramatically, pulling both Louisa and Christian close to him by the arms that were still linked with his. “Music builds both knowledge and creativity. Something you know nearly nothing about.”

“I do indeed.” Christian retorted.

“No, no. You can’t even carry a note yet alone play any instrument put in your hands. The only instrument you play is the book and that is completely and utterly lame.” Daniel declared.

“I think books are marvelous.” Louisa spoke up.

Daniel stopped suddenly, making the two of them stop as well, his arms still linked with theirs, and he looked at her, “I must say, that is terribly disappointing.”

“I am awfully regretful that you are disappointed.” Louisa chuckled at Daniel’s wink.

“Good thing she’s not marrying you.” Christian grumbled, smacking his brother upside the head.

“That is terribly rude of you!” Daniel gaped, pressing a hand to the back of his head as if he had been shot as he turned quickly to face his brother. “I could have fallen and seriously injured myself.”

“Oh, Lord in Heaven, Daniel.” Christian rolled his eyes, quickly swiping his spot beside Louisa again and the couple started to walk past him. “Save your dramatics for your childish plays with Anna.”

“I thought you liked plays and poetry, Mister Keats?” Daniel argued teasingly.

“I like the silence much better.” Christian called over his shoulder as he and Louisa walked away from him. Louisa laughed into her gloved hand as Daniel’s dramatic monologue could be heard his whole way back towards the palace.

[easyfoodnetwork]

Eater Staffers Pick Their Favorite Ina Garten Recipes

Skillet-roasted lemon chicken | The Barefoot Contessa

Our editors know that if you can’t figure out what to cook or how, you can always turn to Ina

These days, Eater editors are eating out less and less, due to widespread restrictions on dining in and mandates nationwide to stay at home. That means we’re cooking a whole lot more, in addition to ordering delivery and takeout from places we love — and we’re also talking about cooking more than ever before.

Last week, we revealed the favorite recipes we all have from Deb Perelman from Smitten Kitchen, whose website and cookbooks have inspired devotion from all of us for years. This week, we turn towards another true source of inspiration, one we’re no less loyal to: Ina Garten. The Barefoot Contessa is not only a source for stunningly reliable, expertly-tested recipes; she’s also a beloved cult figure in her own right. She’s been a particular source of calm and humor over the past few weeks, such as when her charming video demonstrating how to make gargantuan cosmos during a crisis went viral. We love Ina for her catchphrases, her devotion to Jeffery, her disarming nature, her nonchalance as she casually asks us to shell out for three pounds of prepared lobster meat. But most of all, we love her for her (to use one of her own favorite adjectives) foolproof recipes. Read on to learn which ones have captured Eater’s attention over the years.

Skillet roasted lemon chicken: The oil-spattered pages in my copy of Cooking For Jeffrey tell how much I love this recipe better than words can. The chicken is always juicy and the tart pan sauce requires no extra effort beyond arranging your aromatics and pouring in some wine halfway through the roasting process. Ina’s headnote on the recipe begins “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve made this!” and honestly, same. — Adam Moussa, senior social media manager

Panzanella: I love to entertain and have my fabulous guests over with my effortless panzanella with tomatoes that are picked by my friends who own a giant acre of fresh tomatoes during summer. Crispy croutons, made with good bread, are tossed with juicy tomatoes with a generous drizzle of good olive oil. How easy is that? — James Park, social media manager

Tomato feta salad: I’m not a seasoned (sorry!) home cook. In fact, in the three years that I’ve lived with my boyfriend, he’s done all the cooking. I just pick up a pie and say I “made” dessert. That said, I’ve been getting into the habit of preparing better lunches — now more than ever. Ina’s tomato feta salad is great because it combines a lot of my favorite things, it’s easy to make, and it yields enough for breakfast the next morning. It also adds a pop of color to my plate, and that simple pleasure helps me through the day. — Esra Erol, senior social media manager

Roasted butternut squash salad with warm cider vinaigrette: Mostly on account of its sweetness, butternut squash has never been one of those ingredients that I get all that excited about, but as someone who has flirted with CSAs and vegetable delivery services over the years, I always end up finding myself in possession of one. This Ina recipe is the one that helped me find a way for squash to shine. The combination of flavors like maple, apple cider, and walnuts make it particularly appropriate for fall weather and the accompanying coziness; sometimes I go Extra Ina and pair it with her Indonesian swordfish (this marinade also works on chicken and kebabs). It’s also not a bad choice for a pretty Thanksgiving side — save yourself the labor and get pre-cut squash if you go this route. — Missy Frederick, Cities Director

The Barefoot Contessa [official site]

Ina’s roasted squash salad

Lemon capellini: This recipe is a great gateway into doing other things with pasta besides dumping jars of marinara onto it. It’s both satisfying and incredibly easy. Once you feel comfortable with building your own basic lemon-butter sauce, you can use the recipe as a base for any lemony pasta creation. For your first twist, I strongly recommend starting the pan with garlic and crushed red pepper for some heat. — Hillary Dixler Canavan, restaurant editor

Rack of lamb: Ina doesn’t have a blindspot, but in my opinion her true brilliance is in her weeknight meat recipes. She’s the master of simple roasts and stovetop braises that take the guesswork out of everything. I used to look at those Costco racks of lamb with fear, but Ina’s tight four-step recipe — from the “ don’t need to plan that far ahead” marinade to the somehow foolproof temperature guide — makes fancy rack of lamb easy enough to pull off any old Tuesday. — Lesley Suter, travel editor

Mulled wine: At some point over the holiday season, I have a big open-house style gathering — and Ina’s mulled wine is always the centerpiece. I make a big batch of it in the morning, which serves the dual purpose of setting up the booze situation and making my house smell amazing (as opposed to like unshowered writer and dog). Then I toss the wine in a crock pot and serve it all day, dumping in more Cab when it gets low. After 5 p.m. we usually toss a couple shots of brandy into the pot, too, which I guess kind of makes it into hot sangria? But then, no one’s quibbling about details like that. — Eve Batey, Eater SF senior editor

Raspberry baked french toast: Hosting large brunches — or breakfasts for dinner — is my favorite way to get people together. It’s fun and low-key, and I especially love that there are plenty of dishes that can be prepped in advance instead of needing fussy last-minute touches or more time in the kitchen instead of with guests. Baked French toast is an incredibly easy and always delicious staple, whether its on the table as an entree (with syrup) or as dessert (with syrup and ice cream). I love Ina’s raspberry baked version, which calls for fresh berries and diced day-old bread, and her French toast bread pudding, which needs slices of challah. These dishes are infinitely riffable, and both of these Ina recipes are great on their own or as a jumping off point. — Sonia Chopra, director of editorial strategy

Flag cake: I love to make Gartner’s flag cake from Barefoot Contessa Family Style, which could be especially fun if you have kids at home right now to help place blueberries on the stars background and raspberries on the stripes. Seriously, decorating this cake can take up an entire afternoon and should count as a credit for the long lost school subject of home economics. — Susan Stapleton, Eater Vegas editor

Ina Garten [Photo: Facebook]

Ina Garten’s flag cake

Perfect pie crust: Ina’s Perfect Pie Crust is my absolute go-to, holy grail pie crust. I’ve experimented with different crusts but this one takes the — ahem — pie. Five staple ingredients come together quickly in the food processor and can be used for any pie that requires a buttery, flaky blanket of perfection. Which is all the pies, duh. — Stefania Orrù, coordinating producer for Eater Video

Outrageous brownies: There could not be a better descriptor than outrageous for this brownie recipe — after all, it has a pound of butter and nearly two pounds of chocolate! But it’s all for good measure because you’ll be enjoying this massive portion of brownies for days to come. They keep really well, and Ina’s right when she says the instant coffee in here makes all the difference — it’s a tiny amount that gives a zippy balance to the decadent chocolate. — Tanay Warerkar, Eater NY reporter

Mocha Chocolate Icebox Cake: As someone who is not remotely talented at baking, this recipe is so easy to follow and the end result is a showstopper. I’ve made this recipe for multiple parties and everyone raves about it. It is boozy, full of chocolate and semi-homemade so it’s a win/win in my book. Added bonus: layers of Tate’s Chocolate Chip cookies! — Stephen Pelletteri, executive producer

Honorable mentions:

Herb-marinated pork tenderloin

Crispy mustard-roasted chicken

Buttermilk cheddar biscuits

Warm French lentils

Frozen key lime pie

Chipotle and rosemary roasted nuts

Palmiers

Rugelach

Scallops provencal

Roasted shrimp cocktail

Italian wedding soup

from Eater - All https://ift.tt/2JSWSDq https://ift.tt/2Xil0HE

Skillet-roasted lemon chicken | The Barefoot Contessa

Our editors know that if you can’t figure out what to cook or how, you can always turn to Ina

These days, Eater editors are eating out less and less, due to widespread restrictions on dining in and mandates nationwide to stay at home. That means we’re cooking a whole lot more, in addition to ordering delivery and takeout from places we love — and we’re also talking about cooking more than ever before.

Last week, we revealed the favorite recipes we all have from Deb Perelman from Smitten Kitchen, whose website and cookbooks have inspired devotion from all of us for years. This week, we turn towards another true source of inspiration, one we’re no less loyal to: Ina Garten. The Barefoot Contessa is not only a source for stunningly reliable, expertly-tested recipes; she’s also a beloved cult figure in her own right. She’s been a particular source of calm and humor over the past few weeks, such as when her charming video demonstrating how to make gargantuan cosmos during a crisis went viral. We love Ina for her catchphrases, her devotion to Jeffery, her disarming nature, her nonchalance as she casually asks us to shell out for three pounds of prepared lobster meat. But most of all, we love her for her (to use one of her own favorite adjectives) foolproof recipes. Read on to learn which ones have captured Eater’s attention over the years.

Skillet roasted lemon chicken: The oil-spattered pages in my copy of Cooking For Jeffrey tell how much I love this recipe better than words can. The chicken is always juicy and the tart pan sauce requires no extra effort beyond arranging your aromatics and pouring in some wine halfway through the roasting process. Ina’s headnote on the recipe begins “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve made this!” and honestly, same. — Adam Moussa, senior social media manager

Panzanella: I love to entertain and have my fabulous guests over with my effortless panzanella with tomatoes that are picked by my friends who own a giant acre of fresh tomatoes during summer. Crispy croutons, made with good bread, are tossed with juicy tomatoes with a generous drizzle of good olive oil. How easy is that? — James Park, social media manager

Tomato feta salad: I’m not a seasoned (sorry!) home cook. In fact, in the three years that I’ve lived with my boyfriend, he’s done all the cooking. I just pick up a pie and say I “made” dessert. That said, I’ve been getting into the habit of preparing better lunches — now more than ever. Ina’s tomato feta salad is great because it combines a lot of my favorite things, it’s easy to make, and it yields enough for breakfast the next morning. It also adds a pop of color to my plate, and that simple pleasure helps me through the day. — Esra Erol, senior social media manager

Roasted butternut squash salad with warm cider vinaigrette: Mostly on account of its sweetness, butternut squash has never been one of those ingredients that I get all that excited about, but as someone who has flirted with CSAs and vegetable delivery services over the years, I always end up finding myself in possession of one. This Ina recipe is the one that helped me find a way for squash to shine. The combination of flavors like maple, apple cider, and walnuts make it particularly appropriate for fall weather and the accompanying coziness; sometimes I go Extra Ina and pair it with her Indonesian swordfish (this marinade also works on chicken and kebabs). It’s also not a bad choice for a pretty Thanksgiving side — save yourself the labor and get pre-cut squash if you go this route. — Missy Frederick, Cities Director

The Barefoot Contessa [official site]

Ina’s roasted squash salad

Lemon capellini: This recipe is a great gateway into doing other things with pasta besides dumping jars of marinara onto it. It’s both satisfying and incredibly easy. Once you feel comfortable with building your own basic lemon-butter sauce, you can use the recipe as a base for any lemony pasta creation. For your first twist, I strongly recommend starting the pan with garlic and crushed red pepper for some heat. — Hillary Dixler Canavan, restaurant editor

Rack of lamb: Ina doesn’t have a blindspot, but in my opinion her true brilliance is in her weeknight meat recipes. She’s the master of simple roasts and stovetop braises that take the guesswork out of everything. I used to look at those Costco racks of lamb with fear, but Ina’s tight four-step recipe — from the “ don’t need to plan that far ahead” marinade to the somehow foolproof temperature guide — makes fancy rack of lamb easy enough to pull off any old Tuesday. — Lesley Suter, travel editor

Mulled wine: At some point over the holiday season, I have a big open-house style gathering — and Ina’s mulled wine is always the centerpiece. I make a big batch of it in the morning, which serves the dual purpose of setting up the booze situation and making my house smell amazing (as opposed to like unshowered writer and dog). Then I toss the wine in a crock pot and serve it all day, dumping in more Cab when it gets low. After 5 p.m. we usually toss a couple shots of brandy into the pot, too, which I guess kind of makes it into hot sangria? But then, no one’s quibbling about details like that. — Eve Batey, Eater SF senior editor

Raspberry baked french toast: Hosting large brunches — or breakfasts for dinner — is my favorite way to get people together. It’s fun and low-key, and I especially love that there are plenty of dishes that can be prepped in advance instead of needing fussy last-minute touches or more time in the kitchen instead of with guests. Baked French toast is an incredibly easy and always delicious staple, whether its on the table as an entree (with syrup) or as dessert (with syrup and ice cream). I love Ina’s raspberry baked version, which calls for fresh berries and diced day-old bread, and her French toast bread pudding, which needs slices of challah. These dishes are infinitely riffable, and both of these Ina recipes are great on their own or as a jumping off point. — Sonia Chopra, director of editorial strategy

Flag cake: I love to make Gartner’s flag cake from Barefoot Contessa Family Style, which could be especially fun if you have kids at home right now to help place blueberries on the stars background and raspberries on the stripes. Seriously, decorating this cake can take up an entire afternoon and should count as a credit for the long lost school subject of home economics. — Susan Stapleton, Eater Vegas editor

Ina Garten [Photo: Facebook]

Ina Garten’s flag cake

Perfect pie crust: Ina’s Perfect Pie Crust is my absolute go-to, holy grail pie crust. I’ve experimented with different crusts but this one takes the — ahem — pie. Five staple ingredients come together quickly in the food processor and can be used for any pie that requires a buttery, flaky blanket of perfection. Which is all the pies, duh. — Stefania Orrù, coordinating producer for Eater Video

Outrageous brownies: There could not be a better descriptor than outrageous for this brownie recipe — after all, it has a pound of butter and nearly two pounds of chocolate! But it’s all for good measure because you’ll be enjoying this massive portion of brownies for days to come. They keep really well, and Ina’s right when she says the instant coffee in here makes all the difference — it’s a tiny amount that gives a zippy balance to the decadent chocolate. — Tanay Warerkar, Eater NY reporter

Mocha Chocolate Icebox Cake: As someone who is not remotely talented at baking, this recipe is so easy to follow and the end result is a showstopper. I’ve made this recipe for multiple parties and everyone raves about it. It is boozy, full of chocolate and semi-homemade so it’s a win/win in my book. Added bonus: layers of Tate’s Chocolate Chip cookies! — Stephen Pelletteri, executive producer

Honorable mentions:

Herb-marinated pork tenderloin

Crispy mustard-roasted chicken

Buttermilk cheddar biscuits

Warm French lentils

Frozen key lime pie

Chipotle and rosemary roasted nuts

Palmiers

Rugelach

Scallops provencal

Roasted shrimp cocktail

Italian wedding soup

from Eater - All https://ift.tt/2JSWSDq via Blogger https://ift.tt/2yNxrky

[ffxiv-ariavitali]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Final Fantasy XIV Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Haurchefant Greystone/Warrior of Light, Haurchefant Greystone & Warrior of Light, Haurchefant Greystone/Original Female Character(s), Haurchefant Greystone/Original Character(s) Characters: Aymeric de Borel, Estinien Wyrmblood, Haurchefant Greystone, Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Original Final Fantasy XIV Characters, Aria Vitali | Aria Lukos, Stryder Vitali | Stryder Lukos, Lucia goe Junius, Alphinaud Leveilleur, Tataru Taru Additional Tags: Grief/Mourning, Loss of Control, Love, Love Confessions, Unrequited Love, Implied Relationships, Character Death, Canonical Character Death, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Tragedy, Injury, Sacrifice, Implied/Referenced Abuse Series: Part 15 of Collections of History Unwritten Summary:

Or writing prompt: "Being pulled away from their limp body, kicking and screaming"

If there was one thing that Aymeric and Estinien could agree on, it’s the fact that the overwhelming despair felt by the Warrior of Light cannot be rivaled.

They were surprised Aria was able to hold on until his final breath. For the sake of the man that granted her, Master Alphinaud and Mistress Tataru asylum on their darkest day, she had fought for Ishgard; that was the reasoning that everyone thought was the origin of her goodwill. If it were not for Haurchefant’s insatiable curiosity towards adventurers, particularly that of Aria’s life, they wouldn’t have discovered that both she and Stryder are the grandchildren of House Lukos.

In fact, there were a lot of things that would have gone differently had Haurchefant not befriended the Warrior of Light. Ishgard would not have a stout ally against the heretics, they would have scant methods of combating the primal threats that are emerging - much less know primal activity was rising to begin with - and the shameful thousand year lie perpetuated by the church would continue to plague their homeland. On a more personal level, Aymeric and Estinien would not have befriended a woman as loyal and loving as she. They would not be able to bear witness to her talents in many combative and arcane arts nor would they find someone they enjoy bantering with that wasn’t each other. If it wasn’t for her, Ishgard would have fallen to the Dravanians long ago.

The lord commander and the Azure Dragoon knew that there were sentiments beyond friendship developing between Aria and Haurchefant. Whenever Aria was visiting, her first stop would always, always be Camp Dragonhead regardless of the weather. They even heard that she had participated and helped create a new training regiment to better suit the knights of House Fortemps. Everyone liked Haurchefant. Everyone liked Aria.

Everyone liked the idea of them together.

Aymeric had the pleasure of having a private conversation with Haurchefant amidst his arguments with Count Edmont on whether to shelter the Scions after the banquet of Ul’dah. They shared an evening filled with spirits and ale at the upper floor of the Forgotten Knight with the Fortemps son steadily becoming rowdier as the night hours passed. It was at this time that Haurchefant began spilling his not-so-closely-guarded secrets.

“Fury take me, I think I love her,” Haurchefant stated as he appeared to be having an epiphany. Aymeric chuckled as he poured another glass of mulled wine. “Pray tell who has been in your good graces.” “Who else but the Warrior of Light?” Haurchefant answered, mildly affronted he needed to even confirm what he thought was common knowledge. This made Aymeric laugh louder. “Oh? She is something, I will agree. A formidable ally and a knowledgeable companion.” “She likes butterflies,” Haurchefant stated. Aymeric blinked. “Pardon?” Haurchefant grinned. “Aria loves butterflies, how delicately they fly and dance in the air. She adores sweets with crème brûlée being her favorite dessert. Her favorite books involve romance but put emphasis on the characters’ growth. Oh, and she agrees that hot cocoa cannot go without marshmallows on top!”

Aymeric’s eyes were wide with shock and confusion as he eyed Haurchefant as if he grew a second head. Yet, the maniacal smile that the lord had as he recounted what he had learned of the Warrior softened, just as his eyes did. To the lord commander, he was reminded of that expression in a way that he occasionally felt with Estinien - a look of admiration and fondness. However, in this case, the sentiments were tinged with romantic affection.

“You … seem to know quite a bit of the Warrior, Lord Haurchefant,” Aymeric commended. Haurchefant hummed. “She also told me that the eyes are the gateway to a person’s soul.” “Did she now?” Aymeric raised a brow, his attention captured. Haurchefant nodded. “Aye. So I looked to hers. Ever since then, I have always been meaning to ask her a single question.” “And what might that be?”

Haurchefant took pause to contemplate how to answer. He parted his lips and closed them, seeming unsatisfied with how the question was formed in his head. Aymeric was patient, taking sips from his drink in the meanwhile. After a spell, the knight looked to him in all seriousness.

“’Why...why do you always look so afraid?’”

Aymeric understood now the reason to why he wanted to ask the question.

The lord commander saw the moment that the light in Aria’s eyes had dimmed and tears began running down her cheeks. He watched as a soft healing light glowed from her hands over Haurchefant’s wound. He heard the wails and screams, the begging and the pleas that escaped her lips for him not to leave. He could do nothing as he witnessed Aria shaking the lord’s shoulders as if trying to wake him up.

It was then that Stryder, her older brother, stepped towards his sister and did what no one else could. The man pulled Aria back by both her arms to separate her from Haurchefant’s body. The Warrior’s cries became louder and higher in pitch to which Estinien visibly shook at the sound of it. He had heard her song - one filled with grief and promises of vengeance.

Even as Aria flailed her limbs to escape her brother’s hold, Stryder held his concentration and kept her back with all his might. As the Temple Knights loyal to Aymeric arrived and removed Haurchefant’s body, Aria continued to cry to the heavens in a way that assured all that heard it that her sorrow will be engraved into the Vault’s stones for generations to come.

For a bell she screamed until she could scream no more.

As the company was to depart from the Vault, Stryder had held Aria close as he lifted her in his arms. The woman was passed out cold then, having fallen unconscious from the overwhelming emotional and physical exhaustion that took hold of her. It wasn’t until they were all about to go their separate ways - Aymeric, Lucia and Estinien to the Congregation of Knights Most Holy and Stryder with Aria to the Fortemps manor - that the lord commander had the resolve to call out to the elder Vitali.

“Master Stryder, she is-,” he managed to get out. Stryder stopped but didn’t face the native Ishgardians. “For all my sister is capable of, she is still but a single mortal. Lord Haurchefant understood this...and took care with her.”

Aymeric’s eyes widened ever so slightly at his comment, but was given no quarter as Stryder continued to speak.

“Aria has always been terrified of becoming close to others in the fear that they will be lost to her. Mother, Father … then the insult given by Lucien... The lord was her life raft, the salvation she needed to gain the courage to try again. She loved him, Ser Aymeric, and now she has to, once again, let go.”

Stryder took a few more steps onward before pausing to make one last comment.

“...Next time, consider the consequences of your actions. Lest it falls to the ones supporting you that suffers.”

Lucia was just about ready to jump after the Vitali as he began walking away, but was stopped when Aymeric stretched an arm out to bar her way. Estinien looked towards the lord commander.

“You did what you thought was best for Ishgard,” he tried assuring him.

Aymeric inclined his head, taking in a deep breath before walking towards the Congregation. He knew that he would be branded a heretic. He was aware that it wasn’t going to be easy. The lord commander knew how aware his companions were of the risks to his decisions. He thought he was ready to make the necessary sacrifice needed to bring the truth to light.

But the last thing Aymeric expected was to see the shattering of a heart.

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Seven

Part Six

Pairing: Douglas Booth!Nikki Sixx

Warnings: Language, mentions of suicide, minor sexual situations

Tag list:  @fandomshit6000 @lilmou5ie @tamedhearts @divaanya @allieburakovsky @kingbouji3 @evrsncnewyork  @6ixx6ixx@ratedrkohardychick91 @floregrohlssard  @oldschoolimagineblog@thanks2pete @abaldboi @swoopygorl @justjodeye @liith-ium @caos18blog@ytwahsog @shamlessobsessions @scarecrowmax @toadspleen​

**Let me know if you want to be tagged**

-------------------------------------------------------- "How does it feel to be a high school graduate?" My aunt Lily asks me, continuing to stir the cake batter while reading the rest of the recipe from my mother's dessert cook book.

I flip through the rock magazine she brought over, sitting on the counter in a tank top and pair of pajama shorts. 

"Then they're good friends." She finishes her mixing and hands me the chocolate covered spatula. "You're gonna need it to pour the batter in to the pans and spread it out evenly." I remind her and she looks at the cake mixed in the bowl and then at the spatula I'm holding out to her.  "Oh...I knew that." She plucks it from my hand, frustrated with herself. "I swear, I could do everything right when I wasn't sober." She grumbles, pouring the mix in to one of the pans. "I cooked thanksgiving dinner perfectly when I was on coke, and now I can't even bake a cake. I never got pulled over for a DUI when I was using and guess what? I have a big fat ticket stuck to my fridge because I got pulled over for reckless driving last week. Clean as can be. What's up with that?" She scoffs out, pouring the second pan full.  "You mean the thanksgiving you sprinkled cocaine over the brownies instead of powdered sugar?" "I was tipsy and wasn't thinking." She argues.  "Mom had you arrested and vowed to never let me see you until you got clean."  "Because your mom's a bitch." "Aunt Lily, you tried to give me coke brownies."  "It wouldn't have been the end of the world. It's not like it was LSD or heroine." She goes to put the pans in the oven and I stop her.  "Drop them on the counter to make sure they're even and the air bubbles are out." I tell her and she holds each pan above the counter a few inches and drops them both three times, slipping them in the oven, and closing it.  She hands me the spatula to lick it clean and runs a hand through her perfectly styled,  blonde hair.  Aunt Lily was my mother's sister, younger than her by fifteen years, making Lily only a few years older than Nikki, and probably around Mick's age. She was the definition of wild child with her fitted clothes and "trampy" hair, that wasn't really trampy but my mom didn't like it so she called it trampy. She was my age when she fell in love with a some drum player who got her hooked on every drug known to man, and got pregnant for the first time. She ended up losing it when she OD'd on heroine at a Rolling Stone's concert, and her beloved first love left her there to die and never spoke to her again. She was engaged six different times after that, all six of them were up and coming musicians, but I think the eighteen year old inside her clung to any man claiming to be a musician in the hopes of finding someone just like the first one she fell in love with. Although we lived in the same city, I only saw her once every few years. Mainly because she was in and out of rehab, and my mother wouldn't let me near her if she wasn't sober at least a month. The last time she had gotten sober was because she wanted to see me and my mom told her she'd never see me again until she stopped using and stayed sober the rest of her life. She nearly died because she quit cold-turkey just for me.  "So," She nudges my legs with her hip. "I heard Tommy's officially got a ticket to hell." "First class." I add, looking at her with a little smile. "Mom's heartbroken." "I'm sure it's devastating to have to tell a boy who's like your son that he's going to hell with no possibility of redemption." She sighs out smartly. "Poor Charlette. How on Earth will she get by knowing there actually is someone she knows that she can't control?"  "She'll manage." "And does she know she doesn't have you by the ear anymore?" She asks me and I stop my reading and look up at her.  "Wha--" "I go to a lot of the shows on the strip when I can, Viv. I've seen you with them a lot." She explains and I nod, closing the magazine.  "No. Mom doesn't know because if she did, I would be dead."  "Well, you don't have to tell her until you're ready." She assures me.  "Um, I think it'll be sooner when she realizes I'm not at Julliard in the fall." I say and she raises her brows. "What? Why not? You've worked so hard on school and in dance--" "I have other priorities right now. School can wait."  "Does Tommy know you're putting school off for him?" She asks. "It's not just Tommy anymore. I'm friends with all of them, and I don't want to leave them. And Tansy got approached by a modeling agent from New York so she's about to start her own thing, too. I've gotta be here for all of it. These are important people in my life and I can't miss any of it because I'm stuck at school." "When are you telling Charlette?" "When I withdraw from Julliard. I called earlier this week and they're sending me the paperwork in the mail."  The phone starts ringing and I hop off the counter to answer it. "Well, when she kicks you out, and she will, if you need a place to stay or some money or anything, you can call me because I will gladly support your demonic lifestyle." She promises, the both of us laughing as I answer the phone. "Hello?" "Viv, are you busy? Are your parents home?" It's Tansy and I glance at my aunt.  "Um, mom and dad are celebrating their anniversary so aunt Lily came over to babysit, why?" I ask. "You can't panic, okay?" My heart drops to my stomach, worse case scenarios filling my head.  "What's wrong?"  ----------------------------------------------------------- "I am so going to kill him." I mumble, stomping down the hall of the hospital in my pajama's.  Once I get to the room the nurse told us he was in, I see Tansy's waiting for me.  "What the hell happened?" I ask Nikki and he groans, rubbing his forehead from where he's laying in the small E.R. bed. "You called Vivian and snitched on me?" He barks at the small blonde. "It was a seizure. It's not like my heart stopped fucking beating."  "Do you know if you're okay? What were you doing?" I ask him. "Vivian--" He starts but can't finish. "Tox screen is loaded like a .22" The doctor tells us as she comes in with his test results, and looks at me. "Are you the girlfriend he was telling this one not to call?" She motions to Tansy briefly. "Yes." He grumbles, keeping his eyes closed.  "Lots of alcohol, a couple of pills, but I think what got him in to this mess, was the startling amount of Cocaine." She tells me and I glare at him. "Which can cause very serious seizures if used irresponsibly." "How the fuck are you supposed to use Cocaine responsibly?" He asks her. "By not overdosing, dumbass!" I flick his forehead.  "There wasn't any brain damage, but you need to come back if you notice anything abnormal. We're going to keep him here a little while longer until most everything's out of his system, then we'll discharge him." She tells me and I nod, thanking her before she leaves.  "I want to know exactly what happened." I tell him and Tansy, raising my brows when neither of them speak.  "Mick told him he should slow down, and he didn't. When he started seizing everyone at the party left to avoid getting in trouble. Vince didn't want to call an ambulance, neither did Tommy, so Mick dropped us off."  "Stop looking at me like that." He snaps at me and I glance at Tansy. She reads my mind and says: "I'm gonna go look for a vending machine. I'm hungry." Before she steps out of the room.  I turn to face Nikki, thinking of what to say. "Look, I fucked up, I'm sorry, it won't happen again." Nikki tells me, exhausted. "You've been over doing it a lot lately. I think this is your body's way of telling you to slow down," I sit on the edge of his tiny bed, putting my hand over his, brushing his skin with my thumb. "I think you might be getting--" "I'm not a fuckin' addict, Vivian. So shut the fuck up before you even think about tellin' me to go to rehab." He threatens and I open my mouth to speak before closing it, nodding a little.  "Okay, Nikki."  "Okay, Nikki" was my go-to "you're full of it but I don't want to start an argument so I'll just keep my mouth shut and let you do whatever" phrase. I was patient enough to simply say "okay, Nikki" anytime he did or said something I didn't like. That patience lasted through Shout at the Devil, when we all went on tour with Ozzy Osbourne and Nikki, Tommy and Vince were doing everything bad there was to do under the sun. Then I kept that patience with the Theater of Pain tour, in which Tommy and Nikki were doing nothing to contribute to Vince's new found sobriety after he had a drunk driving accident. By the time the tour for Girls, Girls, Girls started, my "okay, Nikki"  patience was used up. We spent the last leg of the tour infuriated with each other. I wanted out of the marriage, he wanted out of the marriage, but neither of us would let the other leave. It made zero sense to the people around us, but it made perfectly good sense to us. By the last few shows, every member of their opening band, Guns N' Roses, was calling me "Stripe" after Izzy Stradlin pointed out I was sweet and fun to be around until Nikki came around, which was the equivalent to feeding me after midnight, and I'd turn in to a Gremlin straight from hell because of it. I should've been offended by the nickname, since I was being compared to a demonic hellion, but I realized it was true. Nikki would enter a room, and his mere presence would piss me off, one of us would start an argument out of nothing, in front of anyone around at the time, Vince or Tommy would always defend Nikki and I would get fed up and try to avoid them, spending most of my time with Tansy and the band that wasn't making me question throwing myself off of a balcony just to get some peace and quiet. But when we first started out, I believed him every time he would look at me after some sort of fuck up and promise me it would never happen again. And all I would say, every single time, was "okay, Nikki."  With the IV fluids he's on, it doesn't take much longer for his system to clean up enough that's he's allowed to go home.  Vince and Tommy gone, probably partying, while Tansy and I make sure Nikki gets inside safely.  "I'll be in the car," She tells me once we're inside, and I nod. "I'll be there in a minute." I assure her. "No, take your time." She gives me a wink I wouldn't have noticed usually, and she takes my keys and heads out. "Do you need anything?" I offer to him and he falls on the couch, closing his eyes with a sigh. "My head is pounding." He complains, rubbing his forehead.  "Here," I motion for him to sit up, and he does, so I can sit down. He leys his head back down in my lap and I start moving my finger tips across his forehead. "I really am sorry, Viv." He says suddenly, almost whispering.  "It's okay." I lie. "Mistakes happen. I'm not mad." "You are, you're just passive aggressive." He points out, eyes still closed. "Would you rather me be aggressive-aggressive?"  "That sounds like it'd be hot." He smirks and I force myself not to chuckle. "You are a cross breed of a twelve year old boy and a bunny." I state and he laughs. Once our laughter settles down, his hand is comes up to grab my crucifix, pulling it off. He just stares at it, a weird, fixated grin on his face, and I watch him. "What's wrong?" I ask, waiting for him to answer.  He just let's it fall to the gross carpet before he sits up, grabs a handful of my hair, and brings my lips to his roughly. I let him, but I have no intention of sex at the moment. He needs to rest. I pull away to breathe after a minute, smiling at his expression, and when his hand goes to take my shorts off, I stop him. "Tansy's waiting outside for me." I tell him but he doesn't care. "It won't take that long," He argues, pushing my jacket off my shoulders, and tugging my shorts off. "I told her I'd be out there in a minute, ten minutes ago." I laugh out as he gets his pants unzipped and unbuttoned, yanking me on top of him. "You have ten seco--" I go completely mute as he pushes my panties to the side and frantically follows my "ten second" rule, before sending me stumbling out the door with sore innards and a hazey high. By the time I get back home, aunt Lily's waiting up for me, eating a piece of her cake. "Is he okay?" She asks, knowing about Nikki's condition when I told her what happened while I was grabbing my keys and shoes before I left.  "Cocaine overdose." I tell her, plopping down on the couch beside her and she raises her brows. "Oh, you've got yourself one of those, huh?"  "Unfortunately." I sigh out, rubbing my eyes.  "Gotta picture of him?" She asks and I step to my bedroom, grab the album from under my bed and grab a polaroid of Mick, Vince, Nikki, Tommy, and Tansy sitting at the booth at the Rainbow. I take it to her, and point at Nikki. "Oh, yeah, that is a whole lotta hair and a whole lotta trouble. Is he one of the reasons you're dropping school?" She says after a moment of silence in the room and I lick my lips.  "I don't recall him officially saying 'hey, you're my girlfriend now', but he told his doctor I was." I avoid her question and she smiles a little.  "Do you feel like you are?" "Yeah. I just thought he didn't want a girlfriend." "Well, he was probably strung out on whatever else he was on, too. He probably wasn't thinking." She explains and I nod.  "Yeah, you're right." "Unless he did mean it..." She continues to examine the photo, smiling softly.  The sound of my parents car door slamming shut causes me to rush back to my room and put the picture up while my aunt cleans up her small mess in the kitchen.  My parents step in to the house, laughing, and my mother's expression falters slightly at the sight of Lily. "Thank you, Lily, for watching her but we're home, now." Is all she says before stepping upstairs. "My pleasure, Charlette!" My aunt calls up after her, and my dad gives her a warm hug.  "Thank you, Lily." He says genuinely.  "I wouldn't do a damn thing for that woman if she married someone like herself." She states and he chuckles.  "Drive safe." He tells her, and kisses my hair, telling me "goodnight" as he heads up to his and my mom's room.  I help my aunt gather her things and as we get to the door, she turns to face me with tears in her eyes. "You are a gifted, beautiful, kind, brilliant girl, Vivian, and I am so very proud of you." Her voice shakes slightly and I furrow my brows. "Don't you dare touch any kind of drug. I don't care what it is. If it's not prescribed to you for an illness, don't take it. Liquor messes with your judgement and at the parties you're probably going to be dragged to by those boys, you need your judgement fully intact or you will get screwed up and I don't need you screwed up. I need you alive, I need you alive so you can live enough for the both of us." She goes on. "Surround yourself with people that make you brave in the best ways possible, and love them. Even when you hate them, you love the hell out of them, understand?" She asks and I nod, still a little confused as to why she's saying these things. She finally exhales, looking me directly in the eyes with a soft expression. "He is very attractive and probably as smooth as they come, but don't ever let that be the reason why you let what he thinks is good for you, keep you away from what you really need." She tells me. "He is not the end-all, be-all, Vivian. You are."  That was the last thing my aunt ever said to me. She ended up relapsing and killing herself when she got back home that night with a switch-blade some wanna be Rockstar left at her house. We later found out it was because Ronnie, her first love, had died of alcohol poisoning a few days before. She had always said she was going to see him again and try to make things right. I hope she was able to do that. 

[dellshotels]

Essential Travel Tips to Visit Wisconsin Dells

It is always a good idea to get some friendly advice when heading out on a vacation. Whether you are familiar with the area or not, Wisconsin Dells has a lot to offer to the whole family. Here are a few tips and suggestions to make your trip go a little easier.

1. Best time to travel If you want to experience the amazing thrill and adventure of the Wisconsin Dells, the best time to visit would be summers. You will find outdoor entertainment, events, and tours around every corner. The famous waterparks of this area run from May to September. You will also get to explore the restaurants and amusements gathered in downtown Wisconsin Dells on foot. If you could not get the time to visit here during summer, you will love this place during fall and winter too. You can enjoy, skiing, snowboarding, at the local ski hills. Wisconsin Dells has a lot to offer to make your fall and winter gateway perfect. 2. Not to miss While you must be wooed to spend your waking hours in the waterparks of Wisconsin Dells, do not miss the original water feature that is the Wisconsin Dells river. Its geologic formations are thousands of years old. Most of the tourist guides will illustrate how tourism and entrepreneurial ingenuity have forged today’s Dells. 3. Cuisine Wisconsin Dells is bundled with activity admission passes, however, most packages do not include meals. The most popular local fare includes traditional American burgers and steakhouse cuisine, along with a variety of Wisconsin’s famous cheese. The specialty restaurants range from traditional Italian to vegan. Everything is incomplete without locally made sweet treats and desserts like gourmet popcorn, ice cream, and cheesecake. 4. Customs and etiquette The culture is quite relaxed, casual and modest. You can wear anything comfortable for all-day activities, however, some formal restaurants and nightclubs have dress codes. It is not mandatory to tip, however, it is considered good for transport, guide and hospitality services. Other than these things, remember to make a reservation in advance. Look for where to stay in Wisconsin Dells, you will find a variety of amazing resorts and condos. Most of the hotels even provide waterpark passes in Wisconsin Dells. Following these simple tips will help you ensure a fun-filled trip to Wisconsin Dells.

[zeldauniverse]

If you played The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, you know that one of the game’s vital features is cooking. The possibilities felt endless; you can cook many combinations of food and get a seemingly endless number of results.

Have you ever wanted to taste some of the cooked food you cooked in Breath of the Wild? The Legend’s Cookbook is the gateway to those fantasies. The Legend’s Cookbook is a Legend of Zelda inspired cookbook featuring recreations of the amazing dishes from games we enjoy so much.

We sat down with three of the team members behind The Legend’s Cookbook, and they shared their thoughts about the cookbook and what readers (and eaters!) can look forward to.

Zelda Universe: What made you decide to create a Legend of Zelda inspired cookbook?

Peter Abreu, Lead Chef: There were a lot of factors that went into us wanting to do this. People are spending more money eating out than cooking at home, and we can start to change that trend. We figure if we make cooking something fun, uncomplicated and interesting, we can really change people’s lives.

We love the Zelda series, we’re huge fans. We are in love with the stories, characters and art style. Do you know what is at the very core of that series? Being a hero and saving the world. All of us on the team want to do something like that. The absolute goal here is that one of the recipes in this book becomes a staple in someone’s diet, that it changes the way they go about their dietary lifestyle and their life improves from that change. If we manage to do that, then we’ve done it.

We want everyone to cook like a hero, what better place to draw inspiration from than a series that brought that concept so near and dear to our hearts?

Matt Mannheimer, Producer: It’s one of those things where you play something and you’re like “what if that was real?” That was some of our mindsets when wanting to make some of these inspired recipes from the games. From there we poured our heart into it. With our passion for gaming and the [Zelda] series in general, it made us do our research and figure out what will be the perfect fit for these recipes.

ZU: What types of recipes and foods from the Zelda series are you taking inspiration from?

Peter: The recipes in this cookbook are original, real world recipes inspired by The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. We have baked goods, breakfast foods, dinner items, healthy snacks, sweet desserts and so much more! We’re starting with 50 recipes and we want to add even more as stretch goals. For those stretch goals, we are going to add things like cocktails, more creative dishes, and even recipes inspired by the other games in the Zelda series.

Matt: This whole cookbook is from the perspective of the hero. The hero recollecting his time from his adventure, writing down these recipes, fighting monsters, going through dungeons. You know the whole drill! That’s what makes it special; it’s a cookbook that has a story behind it. Not just in the gaming world, but also in real life. If you have enjoyed Mother’s Cookbook or Batter’s Almanac, you’re probably going to enjoy this one.

ZU: Will this cookbook be enjoyed by those who may not know the Zelda franchise?

Peter: Absolutely, we like to keep cooking simple and accessible. This is not going to be a cookbook only for Zelda fans. This cookbook is not going to bash people over the head with references and in-jokes but there will be several subtle allusions and (literal) Easter eggs. We want this to be a guide for everyone, newcomers and veterans to the kitchen and the Zelda series.

The ultimate compliment is for someone to fall in love with the recipes, art, and photos in our cookbook, first, and then realize it draws a lot of inspiration from their favorite series, second.

Matt: You don’t have to know everything about the [Zelda] series to get into this book. I feel its for everyone. I definitely don’t know everything about the [Zelda] series, but whenever I look at these recipes, and the pictures, I’m drawn into it. There are recipes that range from easy to difficult, but they’re so much fun to make. They’re fun to make and are all delicious.

Patrick Deasy, Photographer: I’m probably the biggest normie of the bunch, I’m not much of a gamer. I’ve been able to try out these recipes and I can tell you from an outsiders perspective that this is definitely a cookbook first and a piece of nerd memorabilia later.

ZU: If you had to recommend a recipe to somebody who may be new to cooking, what would it be?

Peter: The rock-hard candy. Our rock candy recipe is simple and delicious. You can do it at home, it’s super easy and very enjoyable. This is for all those with a sweet tooth. Here, I’ll share it with you:

Rock Hard Candy

Ingredients:

2 Cups of White Sugar

1 Cup of Water

3/4 Cup of Light Corn Syrup

1/4 Cup of Pomegranate Juice

Powdered Sugar for Dusting

Directions:

In a saucepan, combine sugar, water, and corn syrup.

Heat up the pan over medium heat, stirring constantly, until the white sugar is dissolved completely with the water and corn syrup. It is important to stir gently after sugar has dissolved to prevent burning, Use a candy thermometer to watch the temperature of the mixture and let it hit to the hard crack stage of 300F (149C).

Once there, remove from it from heat and add in the pomegranate juice, slowly. Mix it in.

Then, pour the hot candy into a 9”x9” baking pan covered in parchment paper that’s been dusted with powdered sugar, so the candy doesn’t stick. Leave it out in the open air uncovered and let the candy harden and cool completely.

Then the fun part, break into chunks with a hammer and then enjoy.

Matt: The Legends Cookbook is here to give you a culinary adventure: just go for it. If there’s a recipe you really wanna make, just do it. Even if it doesn’t turn out the way you want it the first time, just keep trying. With these recipes, we just want you to become a better chef.

ZU: Which recipe from this cookbook are you most excited about?

In The Legend’s Cookbook, the Dubious Food tastes really good; a lot more than you would expect. It’s even pixilated, like in Breath of the Wild!

Peter: The recipe I am most excited for is the one inspired by Dubious Food. It was the very first item I wanted to try and make in the kitchen. It was something just so disgusting yet edible, it was a fun idea and I wanted to make it. It was hard but I really enjoyed all different ways to make the food turn purple and look gross yet taste amazing. The final product just came out so great and it tasted delicious.

I pulled heavily from learning how to cook coq au vin from Anthony Bourdain and his show Parts Unknown. He was a was a huge inspiration for me as a chef. I really resonated with him because, like him, I spent a lot of my traveling the world, learning different cultures and food. I wanted to bring that same spirit of travel and exploration, a concept also very core to the Zelda series, to this cookbook as well as honor him with one of my favorite dishes he made. Hours upon hours in the kitchen later, I’ve created a questionable but inviting twist on coq au vin that you will all enjoy.

Matt: The meaty rice balls. I couldn’t stop eating them! They were so good! I don’t know how Peter does it, but that meat was the most delicious thing I ever tasted. It’s sweet, it’s GOOD.

Patrick: This is pretty basic, but I was pretty amazed when I got to see Peter make the fried rice for a couple of the dishes. I’ve never been able to do it right, so knowing that it’s in the cookbook is pretty exciting for me. Also the Rock Hard Food is pretty rad. It’s like a hard candy that’s flavored with pomegranate juice and it’s great. Meaty Rice balls are fantastic. It’s spicy and sweet and wonderful. I almost forgot about the Dubious Food, that one is awesome. That one is definitely my favorite.

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ZU: How will this cookbook stand out from other video game inspired cookbooks?

Peter: Our cookbook stands out from other cookbooks because it has a unique style and page layout. Have you opened a modern cookbook recently? Go to your local Target and find your way to the book section and look for their book section. Find a cookbook on the shelf and pick it up, look at it. You see beautiful food and a recipe. That’s usually it.

Our cookbook stands out because from the very inception, we are designing it like a field guide. In the margins are little watercolor drawings of stunning vistas, charcoal studies of various herbs and plants, little notes tucked in here or there. Our cookbook is rough around the edges and that’s the point, we want it to feel like you’ve found something personal and real when you pick it up. We want you to bust out your own pen and inks and add to it, there’s space! This may be our cookbook but we want you to make it your cookbook.

Matt: This project consists of a group of best friends; we’re all working on this together; we’re on the same wavelength. But were also big fans of the [Zelda] series and gaming in general. Were putting time into each and every recipe. I know Peter has done countless hours of research on every single recipe.

Everyone on our team is professional; we have several animation students. We have someone who worked on the Archer (the TV show), we have someone who worked from SEGA, that’s me! This team has come from different sides of the gaming, animation and art community. I feel like our relationships show from this cookbook.

Patrick: The thing that really separates this cookbook, I know I’ve been saying this a lot, but most video game cookbook’s I’ve seen have been very novelty, and most of them are just decoration guides for baked goods. This is not just a novelty decoration guide, we are not internet celebrities, we are a bunch of people who just really care about cooking.

ZU: A Kickstarter for this cookbook is coming up (May 2019); why should people support and back this project?

Peter: We hope, we really do hope, that people support our project. This is going to be something you’ll want to show other people and it is going to inspire you to cook for them as well. If you like cooking, if you like games or you want to just have a real piece of art to hang out on your bookshelf, this is for you.

Matt: The Kickstarter were hoping to have that up in May. We’re working really hard on this, we’re trying to make recipes that everyone can enjoy; a culinary adventure. This is one of my favorite projects I got to work on my entire life. The food is SO good. I’m serious about those meaty rice balls! I feel like with the team, partnering with TheYetee and the recipes, this will make for an amazing product.

We’re also working with The Yetee on this project! They will help with distribution, fulfillment, back rewards. I think partnering with TheYetee was amazing, and you’re gonna see a lot of stuff in the future that we’re excited to show off.

Patrick: If you wanted to know what the foods tasted like in Breath of the Wild, this is pretty much the closest you’re gonna get.

ZU: Anything else you want to share about the Zelda cookbook project?

Peter: We have so much more to tell but we want to save a few secrets. I’ll tell you what is no secret, we’ve partnered with The Yetee to help fulfill backer rewards and also produce a few of them. They are an amazing company and we are so happy to work with them. They’re gonna be a big help.

Here’s something that is a secret, but I’ll share it with you. We have a discord server that people can join and hang out in. People are invited to join, cook with us, and go on a culinary adventure! Here’s the invite: discord.gg/wGznSn9. It’s a secret, tell everyone.

Matt: We’re opening our public discord right now! If you wanna chat with the team, look at behind the scenes content, talk about the cookbook, join up in our server! We’ll also have a Twitter and Instagram open to check out. We really wanna hear from everyone.

Patrick: We’re trustworthy dudes and definitely Not A Scam ™ :^) Our discord is neat :^)

Thanks to Peter, Matt, and Patrick for taking time out of their schedule for the interview. We hope you’re looking forward to their upcoming cookbook project. A Kickstarter for The Legend’s Cookbook is launching mid-May; we will continue to share new details as they are announced. We will update with a link to the Kickstarter campaign after it begins.

If you’d like to communicate with the people behind the cookbook project, you can follow them on Twitter or join their Discord server. The team is always looking to engage with patrons, food lovers and Zelda fans alike.

Cook like a Hero: An interview with the team behind The Legend’s Cookbook If you played The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, you know that one of the game’s vital features is cooking.

[nancypullen]

So Far, So Good

I have no beef with November.  She showed up right on time and brought some lovely chilly weather with her.  She’s sprinkling her colorful magic all over the trees and generally being delightful.  Unfortunately she is also the gateway to holiday food and I’m like a junkie who’s been clean for a year but I’m ready to score a casserole.  I eat a very healthy balance for ten months and then *BOOM*  the Butterball turkeys show up at Kroger and all bets are off.  I wish I could buy willpower.  Sadly, I can’t even say that I fight temptation, oh no, I jump in with both feet and create the temptation.  On Saturday the mister and I were running errands...Lowe’s, Kroger, Tractor Supply for donkey corn to keep the deer in our yard during hunting season, the usual.  I told him that we needed to swing into the library parking lot because I had a couple of books on hold.  Were these volumes to entertain or expand my mind? No. They will only expand my thighs.

Come on.  You can’t tell me that that doesn’t look like fun!  Last week I baked cookies.  I hadn’t baked anything in forever because we don’t need it hanging around the house.  But I had an excuse.  I had swapped cat sitting duties with a neighbor (Willie’s other mom).  They were out of town for a few days in September and I dutifully went over and got the mail, fed her cats twice a day, scooped litter, let them out in the morning and back in for dinner, and gave them love.  In turn, when we went up to Maine she came over and scooped litter, fed our kitties wet food once a day, brought in the mail, etc.  She even took our garbage can to the curb and brought it back in.  They left town again just before we returned from our trip but had a relative house sitting.  They returned last week.   She’d given me a restaurant gift card as a thank you for watching their kitties, so I did the same but also used my gratitude as an excuse to make my favorite fall cookie - gingersnaps!  I figured I’d take a batch over with the gift card so they’d have dinner and dessert. Pulling that bottle of molasses out of the top cupboard felt like a homecoming. I uncovered the ol’ KitchenAid mixer and had one of the best afternoons I’d had in ages.  Playing music, baking cookies, and watching leaves flutter to the ground through the kitchen window - it just doesn’t get much better than that.  Of course I kept a baker’s dozen on a plate for us and they were gone in no time.  The floodgates are open. I did it.  I sabotaged myself.  And I loved every minute of it.  Please do not suggest that I could enjoy the same magical experience by whipping up a batch of bran muffins or tofu brownies.  That’s just crazy talk. Bustling around the kitchen and filling the house with delicious aromas - it’s such simple comfort.  My sister and I have had conversations recently about how, now more than ever, it’s important to keep sweetness and simplicity in our lives.  I actively seek out the whimsical side of life - enchanting art, silly poems, looking for clouds shaped like animals, all of it.  I’m drawn to fairy tales and their illustrations. I love a happy ending.  Remember when I mentioned that I’d picked up a watercolor by Maine artist Marvin Jacobs?  I didn’t choose a seascape or a harbor painting.  I picked this guy.

 It’s so important to keep sweetness in your life, otherwise the daily news will drag you under.  Be aware, be informed, work diligently for change, but leave room for lightness.   I’m saying all of this so that you’ll know why my heart cracked open and I cried when my sister sent a box full of joy straight to my mailbox.  Seems that she caught wind of a woman clearing out some treasures and she picked up a batch of Royal Albert Beatrix Potter figurines for a song!  She picked out three for me as a surprise and I can’t tell you how happy my heart is when I look at my kitchen window sill.

Jemima Puddleduck,  Mrs. Rabbit & Bunnies, and Old Mr. Brown.  Oh, my heart!  My sister told me that she knew I needed the Mrs. Bunny figure because she’s cuddling her two babies - like my two babies! 

Add to that the reminder that my Grandma Ethel called me Cuddlebunny, sewed bunny patches on my jeans during the summer that I chased her sheep and named all of her chickens, and I’m a puddle.  My sister and I love Beatrix Potter’s sweet (there’s that word again) stories and illustrations.  When the mister and I went to London I scoured the stalls on Portobello Road to find an old Beatrix Potter illustration to bring home and frame.  It hangs in the sweetest room in our house, the grandgirl’s room!

Can you imagine what it meant to me to open that box from my sister?  That was a box of love, my friends.  Now I need to add to my collection.  My sister is a fan of Hunca Munca, the busy little mouse.  She kept this figurine and said she identified with it.  I think she’s spot on.  I’ll have to look for more Hunca Munca for her.

I think we both agree that something about these little statues reminds us of time spent in Weiser.  Being at our grandparents little pink house was paradise.  My sister stayed at Grandma’s elbow, watching her sew and cook.  I stuck to her like glue outside learning about her chickens and flowers.  Her gardens were so lush.  Once when I was pretending to be outlaw Belle Starr, western rule-breaker and heartbreaker, I used one of her giant snowball bushes for my hideout.  It was so big and full that I could crawl under the lowest boughs and sit up inside.  It was beautiful and smelled good, just the sort of spot Belle would choose.  We were always so carefree in Weiser - my brother and I taught the sheep to play hide ‘n seek (really!).  If you’ve never seen a sheep hide behind a tree and peek out at you, you haven’t lived.  We named chickens after characters from Robin Hood.  My Grandpa Carl thought I was a hoot.  He spoiled me and I was his favorite.  Turns out that every one of his grandkids could say the same.  We were so safe and loved on their patch of Idaho.   I tried to put plenty of magic and whimsy into my kids’ childhoods.  They probably aren’t even aware that some of their silliest thoughts were planted there early.  I’ll bet when they see birds lined up on a wire and their first thought is “bird meeting” they don’t remember the dialogue I’d make up when we saw things like this -

Bird meeting!  #1 on the agenda is cat location...new orange tabby moved in on corner of Elm and Oak, so be aware.  Worm of the Month award goes to Maurice for the whopper he pulled out of a garden on May 5th. Way to go!  Congratulations to Stanley and Mary on hatching 4 eggs last Wednesday. That’s a lot of mouths to feed, so if anyone has extra bugs, slugs, or worms let them know. You get the idea.  They were little, Mom was just rambling at a red light, but I’ll bet that BIRD MEETING pops into their heads when they a feathered gathering.  Besides, when you anthropomorphize creatures I think kids are less likely to harm them and more likely to empathize. Whimsy with a purpose. Wow.  I apologize.  This blog post is all over the place and as usual I had no plan.  I just sit down at the laptop and empty my brain.  It’s therapy for me and a sleep aid for you. Win-win! On that note I will wrap this up and go dance around the kitchen with a broom.  I used panko when making last night’s eggplant dinner and based on the crunch I heard under my slippers this morning I didn’t sweep it all up.  Your assignment for today is to seek out sweetness.  When you find it, hold on to it.  Take it like a vitamin every day for a healthy soul.   Have a cookie too, can’t hurt might help. XOXO

[auspiciouspeach]

Free Evenings

Seokjin

The chatter of those seated around you, the clattering dishes, and the scent of food made up your free evening with Jin. The atmosphere of every place you two visited in search of a new dish never disrupted the one you two carried with each other. You and Jin would take a seat or be seated, and he’d joke about items in the menu, the two of you, stuck in fits of stifled laughter, would take five more minutes to think of an order. After calming down came the careful consideration of every menu item, the two of you were specific in what you wanted to try. He wouldn’t get the same thing as you and you wouldn’t get the same thing as him, after all, it offered more of a variety in which you could both try more without ordering too much. It was a system both of you had perfected once you two had established this as your special pass time.

Yoongi

You were well aware that you were dating a busy hard working man, too much at times, but it never stopped him from finding time for the two of you. The time spent was most usually done in either of your homes; on the couch in front of the tv hoping that the random pick is decent. If it isn’t then you guys at least get a good laugh out of it. Your current favorite entertainment had been flipping to a telenovela and trying to interpret the mishaps. Sometimes you turned to board/card games. Those resulted in loud evenings, both of you living by the phrase, “there are no friends in games”. You were both in it to win it, you could act as cute or seductive as you wanted but he would remain unbothered. He could try to do the same and you would only try harder to win. Whatever it is that you two did, it was worth it, especially after long periods of waiting.

Hoseok

Errands; the most mundane of activities, the most dreaded, and the ones put off for last. In your case, you would put them off as long as you could because it would result in a long evening with Hoseok. You two found that going “undercover” for them was somewhat fun, of course, there was someone following for his safety but it never bothered you too much. You took turns pushing the cart down the grocery store aisles, you picked through everything to find what you needed, though the minute you turned away from Hoseok he sped off and came back the minute you turned back, pretending to examine something. But you knew very well that he had just snuck something into the cart. He amused himself with the look that spread across your face, he tried his best to put the most ridiculous objects. You let him get away with it, other times you retaliated with actually purchasing it and letting him keep it, no matter how much he protested.  The two of did your best to make the most out of it and you were happy to say that so far you had been successful.

Namjoon

Your free evenings were situated in local cafes, not just for the caffeine and sweets but for the indie band performances that were known to happen. You were always down for something new and catchy, he enjoyed the atmosphere and your slight sways. Your excitement at having found a new song to listen never failed to make him smile and his smile made you smile even more. With a mug of whatever it may be, you felt like having and a platter of assorted desserts, the two of you sit across each other. A quiet conversation forms throughout the night, the music floats around you and every now and then interrupts whatever it is that you’re talking about but you never fail to turn back to Namjoon and continue where you left off. The evening, in general, is perfect and always something new.

Jimin

The soft scent of coffee surrounded the two of you like an aura, you both held your warm cups tightly in your hands as you walked side by side. You weren’t holding hands or even in some form of contact, but just having each other in presence was enough contact for now. After all, once you two found your usual bench, you would lean into Jimin. He would set his cup down next to him and put an arm around you. The embrace would be warm and sweet, most appreciated on chilly winter days. You two agreed that although inside evenings were nice: a cup of coffee, fresh air, a view, and each other was also nice. It was a way for the two of you to reconnect after a busy week. The whole thing made the others laugh; each time the two of you would show up at the dorm after, their teasing chatter would greet you both.

“Well if it isn’t the married grannies, coming back from their date night.”

“Happy 126,830,941st date you oldies.”

“Wow, back by 7. Bedtime right? You two started falling asleep, didn’t you?”

They were never mean, just silly, and they always got a laugh or an eye roll from the two of you. Those evenings were repetitive at times and almost seemed like dejavu. Not that you or Jimin minded, the routine of it was nice, especially when he would come back from being away for long. There was no disagreement that it was the best way to spend free evenings.

Taehyung

Art had a way of communicating so much, it was a gateway to the soul and mind. And it was a wonderful way to spend your boyfriend’s free evenings. You would walk hand in hand, hidden behind masks and bask in the beauty of art galleries in the area, the changing of exhibits always brought about new topics. Sometimes it would stay on the topic of art but other times it would move away to something else. Whatever it was, you two enjoyed each other’s presence, the calm aura and the ability to keep on learning more about each other through thoughts laced in the opinion of a piece. Taehyung loved the way you listened and brought your own thoughts to the table, you loved his insightfulness, his interpretations of what you saw. In these moments you felt he shined in a quiet way and you would take in as much of it as you could, enough to last you until the next time you were able to do the same thing.

Jungkook

The two of you had a very similar mindset, and so when your boyfriend had time, the two of you would sneak yourselves away into an arcade. The neon lights illuminate your childlike smiles, and the brightness of the screens emphasizes the dazzle in your eyes. The two of you let yourselves give in to the heat of competition, neither of you is willing to play fair. Jungkook might distract you with whatever method he’s got up his sleeve and you’ll do the same. You can never quite understand why he does that because compared to him you’re pretty bad at this sort of stuff. But you aren’t going to complain, his adorable methods have you internally wheezing for another breath. At some point you’re finally able to pull Jungkook away from his usual action-packed game, and you get in a round or two of dance dance revolution, of course he wins though if every once in a blue moon his competitive fire will dim and he’ll let you win, and you know very well what he did but you’ll still enjoy it, though the one time you truly beat him gives you hope that you’ll be able to do it once more. Which only has you just as excited for the next time you return.

[drbor]

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets - Learn English through Story Subtitles

Learning English through Story Subtitles is one of the most efficient methods. You will also learn new things at the same time.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets is a fantasy novel written by British author J. K. Rowling and the second novel in the Harry Potter series. The plot follows Harry's second year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, during which a series of messages on the walls of the school's corridors warn that the "Chamber of Secrets" has been opened and that the "heir of Slytherin" would kill all pupils who do not come from all-magical families. These threats are found after attacks that leave residents of the school petrified. Throughout the year, Harry and his friends Ron and Hermione investigate the attacks.On Harry Potter's twelfth birthday, the Dursley family—Harry's uncle Vernon, aunt Petunia, and cousin Dudley—hold a dinner party for a potential client of Vernon's drill-manufacturing company. Harry is not invited but is content to spend the evening quietly in his bedroom, although he is confused why his school friends have not sent cards or presents. However, while in his room, a house-elf named Dobby warns him not to return to Hogwarts and admits to intercepting Harry's post from his friends. Having failed to persuade Harry to voluntarily give up his place at Hogwarts, Dobby then attempts to get him expelled by using magic to smash Aunt Petunia's dessert on the kitchen floor and framing Harry, who is not allowed to use magic outside school. Uncle Vernon's business deal falls through, but Harry is given a second chance from the Ministry of Magic and allowed to return at the start of the school year. In the meantime, Uncle Vernon punishes Harry, fitting locks to his bedroom door and bars to the windows. However, Harry’s best friend Ron Weasley arrives with his twin brothers Fred and George in their father Arthur’s enchanted Ford Anglia. They rescue Harry, who stays at the Weasley's family home, the Burrow, for the remainder of his holidays. Harry and the other Weasleys—mother Molly, third-eldest son Percy, and daughter Ginny (who has a crush on Harry)—travel to Diagon Alley. They are then reunited with Hermione Granger and introduced to Lucius Malfoy, father of Harry’s school nemesis Draco, and Gilderoy Lockhart, a conceited autobiographer who has been appointed Defence Against the Dark Arts professor after the death of Professor Quirrell. When Harry and Ron approach Platform 93⁄4. in King's Cross station, it refuses to allow them to pass. They decide to fly Arthur’s car to Hogwarts after missing the train when they cannot get through the barrier. Harry and Ron crash into a Whomping Willow on the grounds. In punishment for the crash, Ron cleans the school trophies, and Harry helps Professor Lockhart, whose classes are chaotic, with addressing his fan mail. Harry learns of some wizards' prejudice about blood status in terms of “pure” blood (only wizarding heritage) and those with Muggle (non-magical) parentage. He is alone in hearing an unnerving voice seemingly coming from the walls of the school itself. During a deathday party for Gryffindor House’s ghost Nearly Headless Nick, Harry, Ron, and Hermione run into the school caretaker Argus Filch’s petrified cat, Mrs. Norris, along with a warning scrawled on the wall: “The Chamber of Secrets has been opened. Enemies of the heir, beware.” Rumours fly around the school regarding the Chamber of Secrets' history. Harry and his friends discover from Cuthbert Binns, the ghostly professor of History of Magic, that it allegedly houses a terrible monster and was created by one of the school’s founders, Salazar Slytherin, after a fundamental disagreement with the other founders (Godric Gryffindor, Helga Hufflepuff, and Rowena Ravenclaw). Slytherin believed students of non-magical parentage should be refused entry to the school. During a Quidditch game, a Bludger, one of the balls involved in Quidditch, chases after Harry instead of zigzagging toward any player it can hit. The rogue Bludger breaks Harry's arm. In an attempt to mend it, Lockhart accidentally removes all the bones from Harry's broken arm, which requires an overnight stay in the hospital wing to heal. Dobby returns in the middle of the night to visit Harry in the hospital wing, revealing that it was he who charmed the Bludger and sealed the gateway at King’s Cross and that the Chamber of Secrets was opened before. Another attack occurs, this time on a first-year Gryffindor named Colin Creevey, who idolises Harry, and the school goes into a state of panic. A duelling class is then set up for the students (led by Lockhart and Potions master/Head of Slytherin House Severus Snape), during which it is revealed that Harry is a 'Parselmouth', meaning he has the rare ability to speak to snakes.This sparks rumours yet again because students around the school suspect Harry is the Heir of Slytherin (Salazar Slytherin was also a Parselmouth). Circumstantial evidence to support this theory arrives in the form of another attack, this time on Hufflepuff second-year Justin Finch-Fletchley and Nearly Headless Nick. Harry, Ron, and Hermione begin to suspect Draco Malfoy is behind the attacks, given his family history of remaining well within Slytherin ranks and open hostility toward Muggle-born students. After talking about their speculations, Hermione concocts Polyjuice Potion, which allows Harry and Ron to look like Draco’s boorish lackeys, Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle, for an hour. Harry and Ron use this hour to interrogate Draco. This comes to nothing because Draco’s father only told his son the general facts of the previous opening of the Chamber and that it occurred fifty years previously. Meanwhile, "Moaning" Myrtle Warren, an existentially mopey ghost that haunts a girls' bathroom at Hogwarts, unwittingly provides a new clue in the form of a diary deposited in her stall. The trio discover the diary belonged to Tom Riddle, a student who knows all too well about the Chamber, having been witness to a fellow student’s death while the Chamber was opened fifty years ago. The culprit, Riddle reveals to Harry, was none other than Rubeus Hagrid, now gamekeeper for Hogwarts. When Hermione is attacked next, alongside a Ravenclaw prefect, the school is put on lockdown, and headmaster Albus Dumbledore and Hagrid are forced to leave. Fortunately for Harry and Ron, Hagrid left a set of instructions: follow the spiders currently fleeing into the Forbidden Forest. They do this, only to find the monster that was blamed for the attacks fifty years before, a massive Acromantula named Aragog, who explains to them that the real monster is one spiders fear above all others. When Harry and Ron try to leave, Aragog says they cannot leave because his sons and daughters have not eaten for a long time and plan to eat the boys. Before the spiders can grab them, Arthur's Ford Anglia arrives, and the boys use the car to escape. Hermione provides the last set of clues that inform them of the monster’s identity: a basilisk, (hence Harry’s ability to understand it) that kills with a stare (although no one is dead because of various devices through which they indirectly saw the monster) and that spiders (such as Aragog and his offspring) fear above all others. Harry figures out from hints Aragog dropped that the student who died during the previous attacks was Myrtle, and when Ginny is taken by the monster into the Chamber, Harry and Ron discover that the entrance is in the bathroom they have been using to make Polyjuice Potion. Harry, Ron, and Lockhart enter the Chamber, but the dunderheaded professor (who reveals that he is a fraud) causes a rockfall while attempting to erase the boys’ memories with Ron’s damaged wand, permanently losing his memory in the process. Separated from Ron, Harry enters the Chamber of Secrets alone to find an unconscious Ginny and Tom Riddle, who claims to be a memory preserved in his diary for the last fifty years. Riddle shows Harry that his full name, Tom Marvolo Riddle, can be made into the anagram "I am Lord Voldemort." Tom Riddle is in fact Voldemort's true name, and it was he who opened the Chamber fifty years before and framed Hagrid. Riddle is the true Heir of Slytherin. By possessing Ginny through his diary, Riddle has been continuing what he started fifty years before. Harry's loyalty to Dumbledore in the face of Riddle summons Dumbledore's phoenix Fawkes, who arrives with the Sorting Hat. Fawkes blinds the basilisk, allowing Harry to remove the Sword of Godric Gryffindor from the Sorting Hat and slay the creature. Though fatally poisoned by the basilisk, Fawkes's healing tears save Harry, who uses a basilisk fang to stab Riddle's diary. Both the diary and Riddle are destroyed, and Ginny is restored. Harry, Ron, Ginny, and Lockhart return to the main castle and reunite with McGonagall, Dumbledore, and Mr. and Mrs. Weasley. Ginny, whose possession by Voldemort caused all of the petrification and troubles over the course of the year, is given a reprieve by Dumbledore. He reasons that greater wizards have been duped by Voldemort before and takes great interest in the qualities of the diary, which Harry gives to him. Lucius Malfoy bursts in after this meeting, demanding to know why and how Dumbledore has returned to the school. He is accompanied by Dobby, revealing that Dobby is enslaved to the Malfoys. The house-elf also provides Harry with unspoken clues regarding the diary’s ownership. Although it was Tom Riddle’s, it had been in the Malfoys’ possession. While in Diagon Alley over the summer, Lucius, a follower of Voldemort, had slipped the diary into Ginny's cauldron to ensure the reopening of the Chamber of Secrets. Harry returns the diary, devising a scenario involving his own sock that frees Dobby from the Malfoys’ employment, hence provoking an attack on Harry. Dobby jumps in and saves Harry. The petrified students are cured, the end-of-year exams are cancelled (much to Hermione’s chagrin), Hagrid returns in the middle of the final feast, Lockhart is discharged from his job as Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, and Harry returns to Privet Drive in higher spirits than he last left it. Want to hear more stories like this?

[feliciamaisey]

I Shat Myself In the Forbidden City!

As vacations go, a twelve-day vacation to India and three-day extension to China seemed ideal, especially because my eldest daughter was gifting me the experience simply because I had expressed an interest in joining her on her first journey to India.  She had always had an interest in the music, dance, and artistry of India so when she had mentioned it to me, I found a solid tourist opportunity and before I knew it, we were buying luggage and clothing suitable for such an exotic location.

India was magnificent. There was so much to see, taste, and smell that it was almost sensory overload at times, but it was undoubtedly one of the most amazing things we have ever done together.  For one thing, the country is self-contained –the Indian farmers literally grow and cultivate all of the foods and spices they use in their many dishes, which means that they need not import/export goods.  People can be quite kind and also quite pushy, as the usual stateside boundaries between people means very little in a country that boasts over a billion people, many of whom are simply bartering services or trying to sell tourists something. Colors and scents permeate every single available space like the abandoned cows, meandering water buffalo and elephants, corralled camels and homeless dogs draw one’s eye.

Before we left for our trip, I was consumed with worry that I would not be able to eat in either India or China, having given up meats, never having eaten Indian dishes due to allergies, and having abandoned Chinese food due to a poisoned shrimp roll years beforehand.  I need not have worried though, because the foods on offer were astounding; not only was there an array of fresh fruits and vegetables, but I discovered that grilled veggies and hakka noodles are literally one of the most splendid offerings that any tourist could hope to be discovered! In addition, the desserts and bread easily eclipsed the most notorious of Indian dishes.

I must say that India surprised me at every turn– from the tiger preserve with over 200 native species of birds and tigers in hiding, an outdoor shower and the rich aroma of local fauna, to Jaipur with its pink stone structures, Dehli with its systemic caste norms and its astoundingly intricate traffic patterns, dancing with locals during Holi Festival to a private tourist party where we really cut loose, India amazed. Witnessing the genius of the Taj Mahal, the mini Taj and elephants on parade, marching 30 miles to the top echelon of his majesty’s interior courtyard and visiting the royal chambers, learning about India and Pakistan,  and the most amazing tour guide made leaving India quite difficult–in fact, getting out of India was simplistic whereas getting into the country had taken several hours in the middle of the night.

China awaited, but our quaint group was now in disarray because few people vacationed forward for the three-day excursion.  Chinese officials at the airport made entering the country horrific.  It is one thing to be cautious, but the group found themselves re-writing clearance documents and opening every piece of luggage, and we stood paralyzed by the shock of unopened items being confiscated for no apparent reason, hotel maids removing complimentary boxes of everything from sewing thread to soaps and lotions from the hotel rooms once we had finally arrived, and there existed a very specific sense of being tourists–well at least compared to being in Indian where every single person, no matter their station made tourists feel welcomed and valued for being human beings (and sometimes a meal ticket).

In the three days we spent in China, we ate a “gourmet” meal in a mall, visited the Olympics Park and saw the birds’ nest stadium, still in practical use. As Americans, we were advised to how useful the Chinese people are about using what they create as opposed to the waste of Americanism.  We walked the streets in Beijing and were astounded at the weight of the sooted air and the immaculate streets that one dare not drop a dime upon, lest they find themselves whisked away by the hordes of police officers that stationed themselves on any given walkway.  There was a jade factory and museum trip and dinner insulated between the Olympics Park foray and Tiananmen Square, and the Mao Tse Tung gateways, but the part of the trip that will never let me forget China is our last day.

We awoke in a breathtaking hotel room, high above the Olympic Park–who knows which athletes must have awaited their turn to shine on the international stage, but I am sure that at least one or two enjoyed our room at one time during the Olympics tournament. Breakfast, like all meals in China, is one in which one must be certain of their food choices and portions–it is extremely rude to partake of food and waste it, specifically in Chinese culture, so I was excited when I saw what looked like an Americanized side of the buffet breakfast bar.  There were waffles and eggs, beautifully prepared and I was famished, having been quite sick the day beforehand and my legs were starting to show signs of revolt; I suffer from poor cartilage and damage to my knees as well as bunions that cause my back and legs a lot of pain in addition to my feet–damned flat feet.  Anyway, breakfast looked promising and even though I gulped down my vitamins and allergy pills, and charcoal tabs to curb poisoning should it happen, I made a terrible mistake….

Did you ever notice how much soy, heated in a vat on a breakfast buffet, looks uncharacteristically like syrup?  Well, good for you, but guess who did not notice its rancid stench and erroneously drizzled “lots” of syrup on the waffles??  I was immediately overcome by the realization of my mistake, but there it was, plain as day on the plate. I was not going to be “that” wasteful prick of an American so I tried not to breathe as I gulped down the now-spoiled meal and ran silently to the room where I tried to brush away the lingering taste on my tongue.

I would have purged the breakfast too, but it was time to leave for the Forbidden City, something that I was really excited to do, so I made my way to the group and off we went.  To put it into perspective, the Forbidden City is literally miles upon miles of courtyards and walls, statues and guard posts, long before one gets to the inner workings of the palace.  There are many guards and four checkpoints, but only one bathroom near the first checkpoint promised Americanized toilets in addition to squats, and as I am of an age that requires such checkpoints, I made my way to the bathroom.  However, the line was long and breakfast was swiftly churning inside of me.  We had walked from the hotel to the Forbidden City, taken several photo ops, and bid our time as we made our way inside the first gate, a massive set of ancient doors that could easily scare the bejeezus out of any invading army, and all that movement not only irritated my legs, but I was really starting to feel sick.

There I stood, waiting and making small talk with others from our group, until there was just myself and one other person from our group ahead of me.  When she realized that these were, in fact, all squats and only one precious Americanized toilet, she dug her heels in and began commiserating with another person. By this point, I could feel my insides churning and I was ready to cry because every toilet stall was in use.  I was trying to do something between shimmying n place to standing deathly still for fear that my insides would betray me.  I was worried about an overly loud intestine rumble or a fart to rock the ages, but just then, I felt a panic that I had b never even felt during birth-a task that I took on 4 times– I felt my body mocking me and my stupidity for mistaking soy with syrup.

I pushed past my complaining companion and ran into the first available stall, one 6 doors to my right and across the aisle.  I opened the door and the trashcan was overflowing with sanitary napkins and toilet paper. The squat was in the middle of the floor and like most stupid American jeans, my fkg pants refused to unbutton and the zipper decided that this was the moment to get stuck.  I almost screamed in agony at the pressure of trying to un- wrangle my ass from my clothing and unpack sanitary wet wipes and the realization that I would never leave this stall if the slime from within seeped out before I got my pants down and positioned over the squat. The hole in the ground was far out of my visibility at this point as I was trying, unsuccessfully, to control the lava that exploded from my anus into the squat’s opening. The floor was wet where people had used water bottles to cleanse themselves and because of my bag and jacket, I could barely keep my garments clear of the deluge of what I was sure was poisoned Chinese foods.  

At last, I was able to get the wipes in position to cleanse myself and that is when it happened…when I looked down and realized that I had positioned myself so as not to fall into the hole’s opening, but I completely missed the damned thing and soiled the toilet’s rear perimeter in a manner that even a baby’s soiled diaper would whimper from comparison.  I barely managed to get myself wiped and dressed without falling into the slime, but just then a stranger yanked at the door. I begged her to get help, to save herself and back away, to stop staring at me as the tears welled heavily against my lids and slid down like a dam’s breaking against my crimsonly embarrassed cheek, but her pretty asian face clearly misunderstood and she stood there, staring at the disgusting filth that was inescapable.  

I ran to the sinks and scrubbed my hands, waving away anyone who dared to follow her gaze and I tried to find someone to help me, but I recoiled at my shame and finally ran to my daughter in tears.  She had no choice, but to hold back he natural inclination to burst into laughter as I cried into her ear, “I shat myself in the Forbidden City!” As is her way, she consoled me and made sure that I was not wearing any of the soil on my person before we crossed the immense vastness of the courtyard and lost ourselves in the palace’s secrets.

Even the Great Wall of China, blowing my knee completely on its steep incline, and finding an Americanized bathroom for my daughter on the premises that night paled in the shock and horror of being “that shitty American.”