#it's like that part in the raven cycle where ronan goes 'what am I what am I what am I' in church and you're just like 'yes. exactly that'

[vaguely-concerned]

also "every text says I should be dead or impossible"... weirdly hits dude

[insingersfall]

Are dreamers descendants to fallen angels?

So I’ve been thinking a lot about the origin of dreamers, especially in relation to Ronan’s faith and his anxiety about creating life - a job he feels should be exclusive to God.

This is going to be long so the short story: Maybe dreamers are descendants to fallen angels?

Here’s my long ass thesis on why I think so:

Since CDTH I’ve seen this quote a lot:

In a wider sense it doesn’t have to mean anything, just a powerful ending to Bryde’s cheesy monologue about Ronan being too good for basic humanity, but I immediately read it literally.

-       do you long back?

And just two pages afterwards we get this:

Coincidence? I think not.

Bryde knows what Ronan is and where he comes from - the sky.

The question of “what am I” is something Ronan struggles with during the entire course of TRC and a vital part of his storyline.

And it’s always this:

Not who am I, What am I.

During the first four books Ronan struggles both with this huge existential dilemma of “what” and with more mundane questions regarding “who” he is. I think Ronan’s coming of age-arc, especially the “why do you hate yourself”/ “I don’t” - scene in TRK is one of the most moving scenes in YA. I read that as being about “who” he is. And In CDTH he’s older, he’s figured a lot of shit out. There are no negative feelings left about him being gay for example. Not in relation to his family, himself or to his religion.

But he still has a lot of negative feelings and anxiety about being able to create life. He still struggles with his identity as a dreamer alongside his identity as a catholic.

Ronan being religious adds so much to his character and this is why I can’t help but read A LOT into the religious symbolism. And it’s there.

Maggie herself posted this a while ago to clear up why Ronan gets so mad in BLLB when the copy of him dies. It clarifies multiple things - that Ronan is very much stuck in toxic masculinity and refuses to show vulnerability while also being very vulnerable, as well as how the situation mirrors his suicide-attempt, which is obviously triggering. But for this theme I want to highlight these two paragraphs:

“First, the setting. Adam is not religious, but Ronan is, and St. Agnes is a place he goes with the broken remains of his family. Now Ronan takes Adam — someone Ronan has only just allowed himself to admit internally that he likes, a lot — not just to the church, but to a private part of the church Ronan frequents on his own. “

And

“But to Ronan, it’s not just a copy. It’s a person who just happens to look like him. Remember that Ronan has spent his life loving dreamed people just as hard as real people. Ronan has spent enough time with Matthew and Aurora to know that even though they came from dreams, their feelings are real. They are not disposable. This other Ronan is really terrified, really in pain, and really dying.

And the real Ronan killed him. He’s killed someone.”

This is one of the very few times Maggie has explained something that isn’t explicit in the book. As we know Maggie is a major spokesperson for “the only things canon are the things in the book” but here she adds additional information. Why? Because it’s really, really important to Ronan’s character. Both the religion and his feelings about creating life. Especially these two combined.

He hates himself for a lot of things, and he hates himself for the ability to create -and therefore take away- life. Something only God is allowed to do.

Well yes Adam, maybe there are two gods in this church. Or something like it.

So - fallen angels? What does that mean really?

The story of fallen angels differ a lot from religion to religion, I’ll focus on the Christian tradition since that’s what our lord and savior Ronan Lynch would like. There isn’t a lot of Bible stories about it, it’s more of a tradition arising from later accounts in religious texts and poetry.

The Devil is a fallen angel who together with a bunch of other angels rebelled against God and was expelled from Heaven to Earth.

In some older interpretations the “angels” on Earth had children with humans and created giants, who in time became demons. Or, if you’re writing YA fantasy with a religious MC, maybe these descendants of angels became dreamers.

Lucifer rebelled against God because he too wanted the power that God possessed.

“Lucifer apparently became so impressed with his own beauty, intelligence, power, and position that he began to desire for himself the honor and glory that belonged to God alone. The sin that corrupted Lucifer was self-generated pride.” 

I sure think that sounds like Bryde, and it sounds a lot like the sin Ronan fears God will judge him for.

And on the subject of the Devil. Who in this series is often referred to as a “devil of a boy?”

It’s our man, Ronan.

A quick search of the word “Devil” in the Raven Cycle (1-4) led me to a number of passages, mostly as part of a saying, but at some occasion to specifically describe someone, or as a direct reference to someone.

Ronan, Niall, Kavinsky and Aurora. Dreamers and their dreams.

Coincidence? I think not.

The same search in Call Down the Hawk I would say really confirms this recognition of mine. It has for starters this wonderful paragraph:

But it also broadens the parable to all of the Lynch brothers.

The upper quote about the three brothers all being handsome devils is the only time not even Matthew can avoid the metaphor. A character who up until then has only been compared to an angel.

Contradiction? No, not in the question of descendants to fallen angels.

A creature who are - by definition - both angel and devil, savior and sinner, companion of God as well as a child of Satan.

We don’t know for sure yet how one becomes a dreamer. But we do know that it in some way it’s inherited. In some peculiar way from parent to child. From one devil father to one of his devil sons, the one he created together with another one of his creations. Because Ronan therefore is a clone of Niall? Is Hennessy a clone of her mother? Kavinsky one of his parents? Maybe the next two books will tell. Regardless I still like the idea that they all descend from the first angels on earth, mixing with humans.

I also just have to mention that Ronan not only dream of the sky, but also on multiple occasions dream about flying. Not as a bird, but with his own wings.

So what do I think this will mean in the big scheme of things?

Not a lot honestly! I’m not even sure I’m arguing that this will be a plot point.

But I do think the paradoxical identity in descending from something so torn between good/evil is fucking perfect for Ronan. Someone who’s constantly torn between his own fuck-ups and wanting to do the right thing.

Who creates marvelous life in form of magical animals, angelic brothers and light where there needs to be light, but who also creates monsters, horrors and dangers.

Who wants to protect the world from climate change and protect the people he loves from danger and for all we know might instead accidentally end the world.

Who turns to God and fears hell at the same time as he’s presenting himself to the world as a devil of a boy.

I just think it’s beautiful, whether Maggie has a storyline planned with this or not.

So I’ll just end this thread with the upper picture and with the quote describing Ronans’ birth.

[puppy-phum]

thank you once again @yibobibo​ for tagging me ♥ even if, like I said, this is pure torture. I have so many sons that I’ve given up on counting them sigh but here goes.

favourite male fictional characters.

I took it that this meant ten so am going with that (tho am not gonna try and put them into order). am also sticking to all the characters I loved this year. and gonna ramble and add gifs so cutting it here. 

1. Liu Sang

The Lost Tomb Reboot/Reunion: The Sound of The Providence

I have so much love for this boy it’s not even healthy. it’s a bit funny tho bc once I started tltr, I didn’t really like him and almost forgot about him as the first season ended. he just felt so annoying and bitter in what I saw him, even if I did get that he had a Tragic BackstoryTM (I felt for him but well. tltr really made him hard to like at first). but then they brought him back in the second season with his sad puppy eyes and inability to handle his thoughts on wu xie and being all touch-starved and pitiful and whatnot and baam, I had the adoption papers ready. he’s wonderful and so strong and so smart and amazing. and liu chang as his actor has been wonderful (and he’s so pretty my god, have you seen him??)

2. Shen Wei

Guardian

never did I expect to just. fall into this hole after a year? I remember what a mess I was when I first watched guardian over a year ago, right after finishing the untamed. I was in shambles even as I knew how it would end. and now I’ve done this all again while also reading the novel and. my love for shen wei, especially bc it’s zhu yilong acting as shen wei? astronomical. I want to write poetry about him and his stupid responsibilities that he chooses to carry silently and his devotion to zhao yunlan and his love for his ppl and his didi and. I hope that one day I manage to write weilan bc I have this one idea and you can come pry it from my cold, dead fingers if it doesn’t get out there (am also super happy about the edit I made bc my god does he deserve at least that)

3. Cloud Strife

Final Fantasy VII

ok so stepping into the video games territory now. I was waiting for the remake like crazy and it was everything to me once the quarantine hit during spring. the game is so beautiful and I felt like I looked at this gorgeous boy once and was ready to give him my heart (tbh am quite sure he owned my heart before I even learned to know him). he is tragic in so many ways (I’ve only scratched the surface of all of his pain I know) and I wish I could just. hug him a lot. he is kind and cares very deeply even if he hates to show it and I love it how remake showed him also just being a human disaster (some of his scenes are just. peak comedy). I would kill for his smile (I have already cried for it a dozen)

4. Geralt of Rivia

The Witcher (The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt)

if there’s one grumpy, brickwall of a man I love, it’s geralt. I affectionately call him “papa wolf” while playing witcher 3 and his voice in it does things to me (I am just so fond of him ok, begone you dirty fuckers). I got introduced to him through the books and adored him in them bc he is so prickly and sarcastic and still so full of love even if he will never admit to it. he is the father figure I wish I could have in real life. (and yes, I’ve seen the tv series (or at least a couple of the first episodes) and it looks stunning but. this is my version of geralt and that’s the hill I will die on)

5. Xiaoge

Zhang Qiling, Daomu Biji (The Lost Tomb 2)

(wow finding a gif for him was a pain, apparently I gotta learn how to gif or?) ah, my dear boy who I’ve ended up just calling xiaoge bc he seems to prefer it over his real name/title/whatever zhang qiling really is. I got introduced to him through tltr where we really didn’t get to know that much about him bc he was just... there. huang junjie was absolutely stunning tho and his soft smiles made me super fond, but only in the lost tomb 2 did I really fall in love with xiaoge as a character. I was surprised tbh bc I didn’t expect it to be this drama? I had so many doubts about the cast in tlt2 but they all delivered! and I think cheng yi’s xiaoge is now my favorite bc he somehow captured that softness and the pain of him? (and we do not talk about that buxun storyline tyvm) tho now that ultimate note is on the way, I gotta say that xiao yuliang does a wonderful job as xiaoge too!

6. Wu Xie

Daomu Biji (Ultimate Note)

(sorry we have to go with a pingxie gif now but maybe it’s only fitting) tbh it’s hard to choose my favorite version of wu xie. I think all of the actors for him have done amazing job showing wu xie in different parts of his life (all of them are very distinct but still feel like the same person) but currently zheng shunxi takes the lead. I really wanted to put the reboot version of him here (bc I love that mature, relaxed and somehow very soft version of him and the angst is phenomenal and the thoughts he has about death... yeah) but I already have zhu yilong’s face here once so :’D wu xie is just one of those characters you cannot not like. he is so strong, so kind, so stubborn, so wonderfully stupid sometimes and in need of careful protection. I also adore it how smart he is and I could listen to him spew history facts for 10 hours straight (even if it was in a tomb full of blood zombies) ♥

7. Jiang Cheng

Jiang Wanyin, The Untamed

my darling boy! my beautiful angry grape! I love him beyond words. I love him in all of his raging, misunderstood, stupid, sassy, constipated, abused, tragic, bitter, big hearted glory. I could write novels about him (and I did and am still writing oh boy) and his love for ppl and his inability to show that love and his loneliness and his issues. I could also write another novel for all of his outfits etc. bc damn, what a fashion king. he is just so great. he owns my soul. he deserves happiness and in this essay I will

8. Isana Yashiro

Adolf K. Weismann, K Project

I rewatched k project this spring bc a) it’s one of my favorite animes ever (it just looks stunning with all the colors) and b) I love yashiro to bits. I remember falling in love with him when I first watched k project many years ago bc he was just so kind and bright. this time though, I ended up seeing another side of him and my god did I cry. he is... so sweet. he cares for others so deeply and is ready to sacrifice so much for them and his love for his two clansmen... yeah. I think I finally saw the tragedy of him too, all the pain and loneliness and insecurity he decides to hide behind his smile and obnoxious personality. he reminded me a lot of myself and watching him made my heart bleed in a good way

9. Qi Tiezui

Ba Ye, The Mystic Nine

(wow am going to riot for the lack of all the gifs hhh) yes, we’re continuing with the dmbj universe that sucked me in big time this year. the drama of the mystic nine wasn’t probably that earth shattering for me as it somehow got boring more than once but I did love ba ye to bits. he was just... so nice? I got it that he was somehow this “comedic relief” in the drama with all of his funny scenes and ridiculous mannerisms but I could see the brilliance of him. he is warm and smart and kind of a romantic too and he cares for all of his friends so deeply? it was also sweet how protective of him his two zhangs were (does that run in the family? the tendency to imprint into one smart but disastrous man and keep him safe? maybe) and I really hope I knew more about him bc he seemed to have a lot of knowledge and a lot of impact to ppl’s lives (I yelled when they mentioned him in ultimate note, I miss him ;;)

10. Dorian Pavus

Dragon Age Inquisition

(yes I’ve been replaying DA:I this year, this counts!) another darling boy! my lovely sass master son! I have so much love for him and his story in DA:I. he is my favorite companion (and his romance is my favorite too, probably obvious in the way am currently romancing him for the third time) and he has given me a lot of strength. the way he stands up against his father, how he’s ready to reform his homeland instead of walking away, how he’s so caring for those he sees struggling... it’s very warming and I feel like I’m safe with him. it feels a bit silly to say that but he really is that comfort character I will seek out when I just want to know am doing fine :’) (and I am so excited to see him again in DA4! probably?)

+ 11. Li Cu

Tomb of the Sea

yes I cheated a bit (with my own rules lol) to fit li cu here. I didn’t really expect to like him or tomb of the sea as much as I did once I started it? I’ve seen leo wu elsewhere before this (battle through the heavens, nirvana in fire) and his face always makes me think about a sad puppy so maybe I just grew fond over li cu instantly bc he was... so hurt? the first episode really slaps you in the face with all of it, showing him being abused, wounded, kidnapped, tortured, used and then just very, very scared and broken. he continues being that throughout the whole drama and I feel like tomb of the sea (or sand sea or sha hai idk) is the darkest and angstiest story in the dmbj universe. I know it deserves to be bc this is a dark time for wu xie but... my darling li cu. I wish him only happiness ;; he was so strong and smart and wonderful in this and it was just so amazing to watch him grow and find his own place in the world just bc he did something himself (even when he got dragged into all of this bc of wu xie) also I support the wu xie adopts li cu -agenda

Honorary mentions: 

Zhang Rishan, Xie Yuchen and Hei Xiazi from DMBJ universe. The Twin Jades of Gusu and Ouyang Zizhen from The Untamed. The Iron Bull and Fenris from Dragon Age games. Thane Krios, Kaidan Alenko and Jaal from Mass Effect games. The whole lot of Assassin’s Creed protagonists (especially Ezio Auditore and Shay Cormac). Adam Parrish and Ronan Lynch from The Raven Cycle. Neil Josten from All For The Game. Eduon and March from The Smoke Thieves. Qiling from L.O.R.D. Critical World. Luo Fei from Detective L (played by Bai Yu). 

well, with this I can really see that I have a thing for those who are tragic :’D I have a thing for grumpy, prickly and antisocial guys or those who hide their pain behind a smile. maybe it’s bc I am somehow both, even if I can’t show my anger or be mean to others and even if I feel like my smile never sticks either. I just find kinship in all of the characters who are on this list. and I feel like I aspire to be as strong and as kind and as loving despite all the pain I’ve been put through.  

thank you, this was so much fun! and sorry I made this so long and so complicated ^^’ but well, there are just way too many male characters I love haha

at the end I want to tag @i-am-just-a-kiddo​ @ashenwren​ @kholran​ @tiesanjiao​ @lan-xichens​ @aheartfullofjolllly​ @manhasetardis​ and @lzswy​​ ♥ feel free to do this in your own way or not at all! and thank you if you managed to read through my rambling :’D

[91percentpynch]

the raven cycle x all for the games crossover part one - ronan and the ravens

i dedicate this to leni, as she sent me fanart of ronan lynch in a raven uniform and we started to talk about this. you probably won‘t see this, but this is for you. trigger warning: mention of abuse, mention of scars, mention/ hinting of rape, description of physical abuse at the end!! if i should add any warnings let me know!!

ronan joined the ravens because niall fucked up the moriymas and it was giving them one of their sons or dying

well we all know niall is a narcist so obviously he chose a son of his instead of his own death

declan figured that out pretty fast and immediatly volunteered so that niall would let ronan and matthew live in peace

but niall had other plans - he chose ronan: attitude problem and dreamer? he would surive the cruelties of the nest

declan told ronan, promised him to keep him safe, to not let niall take him away

declan tried to save him, really did try, but in the end he was just a teenage boy and their father? well he was their father, powerful dreamer, narcistic asshole, stubborn without limits

one night when declan and ronan go to bed, declan in ronan‘s room like every night since they heard from the deal, their father came in their room and got ronan

declan didn‘t notice, he slept too deeply - one of niall‘s dreams, so he would get ronan without declan noticing

when declan noticed however he screamed and cried and woke the entire house up

matthew didn‘t understand why his older brother cried in the room of the middle child every single day since the day ronan mysterically disappeared

riko tries to break him, because investments don‘t have feelings, they aren‘t human

little does he know that ronan doesn‘t have feelings, he doesn‘t have a heart you can break

besides that he lived with niall lynch long enough to know what pain feels like - after all their father gave them boxing/ fighting lessons and taught them how to handle pain

ronan is a backliner, he is jean‘s partner

jean and ronan grow really close

ronan promised to keep jean safe and unless declan ronan masters and sticks to his plans

he does everything to get riko‘s attention - disrespecting him, not showing up to practise, not doing as he was told

riko tried to use jean against ronan only ONCE - one of the only regrets the king of exy had in his sorry life

when riko tries to use that against him, ronan protects jean by fighting riko

this ends in riko torturing him

ronan doesn‘t mind

ronan is a dreamer in this universe

only jean knows about him

ronan dreams jean and himself things against the pain

ronan is actually super good at exy

almost as good as kevin

kevin has a crush on ronan

ronan doesn‘t care, because kevin is not his type

his type is adam parrish - starting dealer from the palmetto foxes

when they marked him, he tried to get a feeling of what the color is like, so when he went to bed he got himself a tattoo of his own

on his back, a maejestic raven, two boys kissing, surrounded by the forrest in his dreams

he hides it as good as he can from riko - for jean‘s sake because yes he fought him once and he might have left him in peace but you never know with that psychopath, do you?

and so he goes through the days, pain blurring them all together, jean always waiting for him in their room

„you don‘t have to do that, you don‘t have to take all the pain for my mistakes“, jean whispers in french once again.

„jean, moi soleil, i promised you to keep you safe. i‘m not my fucking brother. i never lie. i keep my promise, i will keep you safe. and if that means that i have to entertain our favourite dickhead, i will gladly do that“, ronan replied softly.

„i don‘t want you to be in pain“, jean admitted quietly.

„jean, you idiot, i am always in pain. either in my dreams or in this hellhole. but at least seeing riko furious is fun, unless my dreams“, ronan‘s eyes slowly wandered to his scars on his wrist.

jean just takes ronan‘s hands and holds them - their secret promise to never leave each other‘s side

eventually they fall asleep, jean‘s head on ronan‘s shoulder, ronan‘s head on top of jean‘s dark brown curles

they get woken up by a furious riko

ronan wasn‘t able to hide his tattoo fast enough, riko already saw it

„how dare you? how dare you disrespecting your master you piece of shit?“, riko yelled.

„which master? all i see is a little dickhead with a napoleon complex“, ronan replied calmly, looking riko right in the cold, dead dark brown eyes.

riko didn‘t take these words well and went straight for jean

„i would think about touching him twice if i were you. i don‘t know how you see it but i‘m roughly a foot taller and i know how to box. I wouldn‘t take my chances there. one more step towards him, one funny look and we‘ll find out“, ronan said calmly, „whatever you want to do to him, do it to me. i‘m a lot of fun. don‘t like my tattoo because you‘re an homophobic brat? well try burn it off me. take a knife and cut it off me. i don‘t care, i‘m a big guy, i can take it. however we don‘t want the other dickhead to know i might not show up to practice because my back hurts and oh, how my exy will suffer under that. probably gonna send someone to me in the shower again, oh how creative“

riko however didn‘t listen and took another furious step towards jean, hatred and madness in his eyes, which only meant once: brutality, torture, no limits of his anger

ronan out stepped riko and put himself in front of jean „go as far back as you can. sit down on your bed, face to the wall“, ronan said to jean in french, the other boy did as he was told, not knowing what else he should do

it was one of these times where ronan asked himself what that boy did before he arrived three years ago. how he surrived so long. obviously he saw his scars and ronan blamed himself for every single one of them. technically they weren‘t his fault, he wasn‘t here. but his brain stopped working properly when it came to the people he loved, he cared about.

he took his chance, the moment of suprise on his side and punched him right in his face. when riko tripped over his own feet ronan didn‘t hestiate and kicked him in the stomach. riko was never used to abuse, he was never beaten, never kicked, so he fell to the floor, holding his stomach, trying to catch his breathe

again ronan didn‘t hestiate, he took jean and ran for it

ran without any goal, without any orientation, he didn‘t plan this through, he just knew they didn‘t have time

„run, if you can make it without me, you run! do you hear me jean? run!“, he whisper-shouted at the other boy as they made their way through an dark corridor

„i won‘t leave you behind. i‘ll go with you, or not at all. he will kill you if we don‘t make it“, jean replied, anxiety making his accent thicker

they were just about to run around the corner when kevin came into their way

„what are you guys doing?“, he asked innocently.

„oh we‘re on a romantic fucking walk, watching the sunset asshole. we‘re fleeing. from your nice little cult. we‘re going. and if i find out you tell someone what we do i will come back and murder you princess. now either move out of the fucking way or join us for all i care. but if mr dickhead king of exy finds me, he will murder you, so i would really appreciate you making your decision fucking fast shithead“, ronan whispered fastly and furiously.

„i‘ll go with you, i‘ll bring you out“, kevin says in french.

ronan knew he didn‘t have the time to question day so he followed him, jean always close, ready to fight anyone who would be a danger for him

kevin navigates them through the labyrinth of the nest fast, always in the shadows, carefully that they won‘t be seen

somehow they managed to get out of the nest, but they didn‘t stop, they couldn‘t, not if they wanted to live

„did any of you actually plan this through?“, jean asks nervously

„of course i planned that riko would walk in on us sleeping together in one bed, where my back with my secret tattoo is exposed, where i then beat and kick him, take your hand and run like my life depends on it. and while i was at it i texted day ‚hey dickhead wanna go on an adventure;)‘ with my non-existent mobile“, ronan replied annoyed

„i actually did plan that sometimes, for fun. thought i might wanna visit my dad, thought i might wanna change teams. you know, riko gets harder and harder to stan with his perfect team bullshit and bla bla bla ronan and jean are not worthy your attentin bla bla bla stop talking about jeremy knox bla bla bla i will show you how that feels like bla bla bla being forced to sleep with riko bla bla bla“, kevin said quietly, they almost didn‘t make the words out.

„i thought he wouldn‘t do that to you, asshole“, ronan replied softly, „as much as we love a good talk about shared trauma, how did you plan to get away from here“

„actually no“, kevin said.

„how long do you think we have until mr dickhead is coming out here with his shithead uncle to kill us all?“, ronan asked calmly.

„i‘d say not long? five minutes the longest“, kevin replied.

ronan could physically feel jean‘s anxiety

„jean, it‘s gonna be okay, give me two seconds“, ronan replied. „i‘m gonna lay down now. if they come, jean you run. run as fast as you can. take them down. don‘t let them catch you. day? help him, i swear to god if i hear you didn‘t i will come visit you and i will not be as nice as riko“, ronan sadi to kevin, with a cold smile on his lips

over the years ronan learned how to control his sleep, how to fall asleep fast and dream something fast, this would work

ronan carefully lays down, closes his eyes and takes a deep breathe. he repeats this a few times. quickly he falls asleep and thinks of the car his father owned. a black bmw. the memories might not be nice ones, but they need a car and this was the only one he knows by heart. carefully he touches it, checks if everything is alright and when he is sure it is, he wakes up, holding on to it like his life depens on it - which in this case it literally does

just in time to furious shouts he wakes up

the car next to him and he quickly gets in

„i recommend getting in if you don‘t want to you know get murdered by the japanese mafia shitheads“, he says calmly.

„you- you“, kevin tries to say.

jean just gets in the car and forcefully pulls kevin with him

„we have time to talk once we have some miles between these psychopaths and us day, so shut your pretty mouth and get the fuck in“, ronan says.

when the doors are closed ronan goes for it

he obviously does not know how to drive, but this was one of his dreams and his dreams never failed to suprise him

the car goes the moment he puts his foot down on one of the pedals, it doesn‘t have multiply gears, just one and it works

„to make this short: i am a dreamer. that means i can take shit out of my dreams. that‘s why jean and i could play. well, i don‘t know how you two losers surrived so long without me, but i will keep you safe. i don‘t lie. i‘m gay. you are not my type, so don‘t even try to hit on me. if you hurt jean i willl murder you, i don‘t who you are, i don‘t care what you are, hurt my family and die“

„i‘m your family?“, jean said, his voice barley more than a breathe.

ronan doesn‘t have to turn his face around to see the silent tears running down the face of the french boy

once again ronan wonders how jean deserved this life, this beautiful, sarcastic, yet kind soul

„of fucking course asshole, you‘re the only motherfucker who can handle me“, ronan replies.

„okay enough sentimental bullshit and emotions, day where are we going? have we planned that as well?“

„palmetto state, to my father. well he doesn’t know he‘s my father, but i guess he‘ll love two backlliners and a kevin day - second best striker in the united states“

„palmetto state it is. hope they‘re ready for the mafia to come visit to get us“, ronan replied, a small smile on his lips as he thinks about all the new possibilities and hopes he now dared to dream for

[toast-the-unknowing]

What are the #thots on CDTH?

This is begging for one of those “edgy/depressed/dumbass bitch/thot/bastard” memes, but sadly you sent it to someone with no patience for slapping together graphics, so you get a lot of words instead. Behind a cut, for length and SPOILERS.

I really enjoyed this book, my reactions to most of the additions to canon were positive, it felt a wide range of emotions while reading it and upon finishing I found that it had knocked me sort of off center in that way where I don’t want to write anything ever again, or read anything, or really do much but stare out of windows. I know that feeling will pass, but I’m soaking in it for now. I haven’t yet discerned if there are going to be any substantial changes to the ways that I write these characters, when I write these characters again.

I loved Ronan in this book, which was a relief. I had been a bit worried that Maggie intended for him to end up as Lonely God Ronan, isolated and just too damn special for the rest of humanity, but it now appears that is very much not the plan. It hurt watching him be trapped at the Barns, wanting something different from life and not knowing how to get it, and it was amazing to watch him forge a connection with someone new and find the capability that he has to help other people, instead of just kind of thinking of himself as the fuck-up.

Holy Shit I felt emotions about Matthew, that was unexpected and unprecedented. Fuck did that boy make me sad. I am greatly looking forward to seeing where his story goes, now that he actually has one. I want some quality Matthew & Jordan dream duo bonding time.

I want, just, quality Jordan content in general, I love Jordan, I need more of her, she was wonderful.

Hennessy leaves me cold, but I had a very similar reaction to Ronan until most of the way through The Dream Thieves, so I am giving her the benefit of the doubt and waiting to see what happens in the future.

HOLY SHIT I LOVED EVERYTHING ABOUT DECLAN.

It did crack me up that it literally took one page for the book to start talking shit about him, but I also found the whole “Declan is deliberately, crushingly boring” idea interesting. It surprised me but still makes sense in retrospect, which is the best kind of surprise. I hadn’t pictured him as the kind of guy who would go to work and let people snap at him and call him by the wrong name, but I think my understanding might have been a little closer to the version of Declan that still thought he could have Senator or Congressman in front of his name. I think Declan might be the character I most have to reconsider, but I’m happy with how he was portrayed here and I’m looking forward to doing that reconsideration, and to seeing what happens to him next in canon.

God but he just continues to be the hardest working brother, and he still fucks it up, but he doesn’t want to fuck up, but he just shouldn’t have to deal with all of this shit, and ow, ow, my heart.

I adored Declan/Jordan and every moment where she delights in surprising an honest reaction out of him. “I see the real you when no one else does” is EXACTLY my kind of ship.

I had really wanted this trilogy to force Ronan to reexamine his understanding of his father, but getting to see Declan do some actual work on processing his pain is fantastic too. I love all of the moments where he admits that he hates Niall. It fucked me up so bad, because it’s like he doesn’t want to be thinking or saying it but he just cannot keep it in. It’s like his emotional nightwash, but he doesn’t get to dream it away.

@comicsohwhyohwhy​ and I once discussed the problem of Ashley, and we JOKINGLY suggested that maybe the Ashley from TRB and the Ashley mentioned in TRK are two different Ashleys, that maybe Declan has just dated a string of women named Ashley, and then we had a good laugh about how absurd that would be, and I cannot fucking believe that that has turned out to be canon. I am oddly delighted with this development.

I am happy with the Adam content that we got and with the size of his role. I felt like the book did a good job of honoring his importance in Ronan’s life, letting him be present and matter and affect Ronan (and disagree with him in productive ways where they didn’t just argue and where he wasn’t just Declan 2.0), while still keeping him in a support role, since that was apparently the goal. I’m unclear on what kind of role he’s going to have going forward, but it looks like he’s being set up to have some kind of character arc, with the “Adam is lying to everyone who knows him” situation, so I really do want that to pay out and go somewhere, even if he does continue to be a supporting rather than featured character.

That whole Harvard situation breaks my heart: Adam’s friends think that his family is wonderful and that his boyfriend is a violent drunk. I can’t imagine any interactions around that that aren’t fucked up. Adam having to defend Ronan to his friends any time he comes up, but not being able to tell the truth, so he just sounds like he’s making empty excuses for someone that’s bad for him…which is something that he has in fact had to do, but not about Ronan, about the parents that all of his friends are “jealous” of him for having. Fuck. FUCK.

I loved every mention of Gansey and Blue. I can understand why Maggie doesn’t want to include them as characters, but that could have easily ended in a situation where they’re just…noticeably absent, and instead we got this, confirmation that they still talk to their friends and love them and are involved in their lives, plus we got A+ Gansey-texts-like-an-old-man content.

I enjoyed Farooq-Lane a lot just from a standpoint of being an ordinary normal person who gets put into a weird as shit situation and then…continues to be an ordinary normal person who has ordinary normal reactions to things. I find that kind of shit fascinating – it’s the kind of thing that makes for great comedy and improv, but it can also be very effective in drama, and we really got to see a wide range here.

What. the actual. fuck. is up with the New Fenian and Mor O Corra. Like I mean okay the Lynches have to live through all their parent trauma again, yeah I get that, okay Niall apparently made a dream double of an actual woman he’d slept with which like, wow I didn’t think Aurora could be retroactively creepier but damn if Niall didn’t find a way, blah blah I get all that. But like. What is – what is that relationship, exactly? Between them? Niall’s ex made a dream copy of him, too, but like…as a kid? Or one that doesn’t age? Has Mor O Corra out-creepered Niall Lynch? What the actual fuck is up with those two. I almost don’t want to know. I kind of love being this weirded out.

Bryde is really goddamn tiresome. I am expecting he’s going to turn out to be a villain and honestly that can’t happen fast enough for me. Although I  anticipate that we’ll see Ronan buying into his crap more before that happens, so, it looks like we get to look forward to a lot more overblown insufferable monologues about how “special” we are and how we’re better than those gross boring mundane people. Blah.

I’m kind of disappointed that this is apparently a series where the stakes are THE END OF THE WORLD and where the protagonists have to fight a SHADOWY INTERNATIONAL GOVERNMENT ORGANIZATION that can send ARMIES of WELL-ARMED HIGHLY TRAINED OPERATIVES to HUNT DOWN THE PEOPLE WITH SUPERPOWERS – this is 90% of all fantasy stories, and it’s boring, and I’m tired of it. I like that the stakes in The Raven Cycle are small but still immensely meaningful. What happens in The Raven Cycle if the characters don’t succeed? Gansey dies. Ronan dies and Matthew falls asleep. Adam doesn’t go to college. Blue doesn’t get to travel the world. The world doesn’t explode, but we still care so so much about seeing them succeed, because we care so much about those characters living and getting to build the future they want. That’s a thousand times more interesting to me than “we have to…[dramatic music, put on sunglasses] SAVE THE WORLD.” Spare me.

I’m still going to read the other two, obviously, and I’m not even really mad about this, mostly just rolling my eyes. But I expect that Maggie is going to use this plot device I don’t care about to do things emotionally and character-wise that I do care about, and that’s the important part.

There is one actual thing that pisses me off with this book, that I actively hate and wish was not a part of canon, that I will probably just ignore and pretend isn’t canon, at least once I have wrapped my head around the fact that it even happened in the first place: why the fuck does Ronan go to confession.

I was willing to accept in The Raven Cycle that Maggie had no interest in doing anything with the fact that she had made the Catholic character and the gay character the same character, because Ronan is actively figuring himself out in the course of that series, because there’s so much else going on in his head and his life that I can buy that religion isn’t his top priority, because hey, I kind of liked that the series wasn’t one more Sad Story About A Sad Gay Who Is Sad Because Homophobia. I can accept a Ronan who goes to mass every week because that’s family time, because that’s tradition, because that’s what Lynches do.

But going to confession – with some degree of regularity! – is not going through the motions. When I was a Catholic school girl and an ALTAR SERVER who went to mass twice a week, confession was still a “maybe once during Lent, if we get around to it” kind of deal. What the hell does Ronan say in confession, exactly? He’s not confessing to the shit that he actually feels guilty about, playing god and creating life, because that’s a secret. He’s not confessing to the thing that he’s getting told every week is going to send him to hell. So what is he doing there?

This ceases to be “skipping past homophobia so we can just have a nice happy gay story for once (or at least a story that’s unhappy for other reasons)”. This is firmly into “deliberately and cruelly ignoring the real pain and suffering that the Catholic Church inflicts on oppressed people every single day” and I think it was a grave, grave misstep.

So my super general #thots: loved it, largely positive, some things I’m iffy on but excited to see where they go, a couple of plot elements/characters I don’t care for but can put up with for the sake of all of the good, one big negative that will probably feature only very very sparingly in canon.

[gingerbooks]

Call Down The Hawk Review

Ah, Maggie Stiefvater. I adore her writing and was a big fan of The Raven Cycle. It got inside my head and heart, worked its way in and rearranged everything and became a part of me, so I was very excited when I heard Stiefvater had a new book coming along. Call Down The Hawk is the first book in a new trilogy (The Dreamer Trilogy) featuring Ronan Lynch who was one of the characters in The Raven Cycle. This is not an extension of The Raven Cycle, it is a new story, with new characters. Best make room in your head and heart for new characters that are going to get under your skin and cause all sorts of feelings.

 So, Ronan Lynch is a Dreamer. He can take objects out of his dreams. One of these was his brother, Matthew. Neither a dream nor a Dreamer, the other brother, Declan, is doing his best to appear as invisible as possible whilst trying to hold his family together. As Stiefvater says in the prologue; "This is going to be a story about the Lynch brothers." It appears family dynamics and angst await!

When we left The Raven Cycle, it left us readers knowing that Dreamers, dreamt objects, and the dark market for them went beyond just Henrietta, Virginia. Call Down The Hawk starts with introducing the Moderators, a group of people out to get all of the Dreamers as there has been a prediction that they will bring about the end of the world. There are plenty of chapters from the point of view of one of these moderators, named Carmen Farooq-Lane. Follow them closely.

Where does the new character Jordan Hennessy fit in? You will have to see. I am not going to spill everything here. She is a talented art forger and just all kinds of awesome. I don't want to say too much to avoid spoilers, but I already LOVE her story and I just cannot wait to see where it goes next. Dreams, forgery.. are you seeing a connection!

One could probably pick up Call Down The Hawk having not read The Raven Cycle (but why haven't you?), but in all honesty, I would probably suggest giving it a read or at least look at a really good recap about it first. I enjoyed The Raven Cycle as it was full of so much wonder and discovery. There does feel slightly less of this in Call Down The Hawk, probably as Ronan has already got to grips with his power. However, I am already getting the sense that something big is coming, and I feel there will be new things to marvel at further on in the trilogy.

One of the things I think puts Stiefvater above the rest is the way she writes her characters. You really get to look inside them. I think all sorts of readers could read her books and find a character that they can resonate with or who reminds them of someone they know. The crafting is great. No character is bland or forgettable. Each one seems to have certain personality traits, some of which are described with humour, which is cheeky and adds another depth to the book. You don't just get told what they are like, you get to see WHY they are the way they are. For example, Declan Lynch was a minor character in The Raven Cycle, but by the time you come away from reading Call Down The Hawk, you'll know so much more about him, feel so much more about him. Not only that, you'll be rooting for him, and still want to see what's going to happen next.

It's great to see Ronan take center stage in his own chapters in Call Down The Hawk. I feel like we get to see a softer side to him in some parts, he seems more open and vulnerable. However, we also still get his sarcasm and his language!

The characters and relationships make a book for me. You can give me an amazing plot but I just won't relish it as much if it doesn't have the complex relationships to delve into, and memorable and interesting personalities to go with it. This helps leave a lasting impression.

This whole book is a MOOD. I can't explain what mood because I lose the ability to form a coherent sentence when I talk about any of Maggie Stiefvater's work, but she wants us to feel something.

[the-little-prophet]

BDRP Questionnaire 2019

Posting this on Charlie since I actually talked about him quite a bit! Let’s gooooo

Characters: Berlioz, Hades, Kiara, Nala, Andrina, Merida, Charlie, Apollo, John, Su, Ashleigh, Nemo, Jun

Pick one of your characters and talk about their growth (we recommend choosing an older character, but it’s up to you!) What about their story has surprised you? What are you proud of? How have they changed from their original inception to now?

This one goes out to Charlie. I pitched Charlie very deceptively-- claiming he was a prophet, aligning him, at first, with Calliope, making it look like Charlie’s magic was of the classical, Cassandra-inspired kind. But all along, I knew that what I wanted Charlie to be was more of this sci-fi/fantasy blend as an homage to his movie’s sci-fi bend too. This year, I got to actually reveal that Charlie is a time traveler after two years!! This is very exciting for me! I’ve enjoyed being able to lean into Charlie’s new image systems with this reveal, even though I’m out of my depth and breaking like 67 different time travel rules, probably lol. Still, it’s been great to take him to that place, and to invent Future-Charlie as both a deux ex machina and an expression of identity/choice/free will etc etc. I did not have Future-Charlie in mind when I created Charlie, so that was something I was proud of coming up with!

Pick another character and talk a little about where you WANT them to go. What are your plans for them going into the new year?

I’m going to talk about Nemo if only because everyone else feels like a spoiler lol. Nemo, as a relatively new character though, is still full-speed-ahead on his initial goals that I outlined for him in his application. Now that Nemo’s been established in the school and he has this little group of buddies, I want:

To focus on his wing. I want Nemo to push himself, get himself in a spot of trouble, potentially injure himself.

Reveal his wings to at least one mundus friend

Continuing to infuse his posts with body image issues. This is a slow build kind of plot that really is like...the broth of Nemo’s plot-soup, lol, while training for his placement is the chicken and belonging at school is the noodles….it needs to be this throughline more than like, para a, para b, para c. at least for now.

Pick a thread or a plot that you’re proud of and talk about why you loved it.

I could pick a lot of threads here lol it’s honestly so HARD. But I think I want to shout-out to the Charlie/Jim first kiss thread because it surprised even me and Hannah. We initially planned for the first kiss to be just that-- one kiss, then we done, Jim and Charlie go on to be friends. But like in the best of cases, Jim and Charlie’s palpable chemistry actually informed more of Charlie’s arc and opened up avenues previously closed to me/Charlie since Charlie had been so SHUT to the idea of love. So! I really loved that thread. Also because like, I literally made Charlie experience the big bang after his first kiss. And THAT’S the BEST way to use magic in my opinion. Like when you can infuse magic with an emotional catharsis-- I think the other time I did that super well was similar actually, when Herc kissed Kiki’s cheek and she grew a tree in his room lol. So yeah! Some of my best writing in that thread, amazing chemistry, big surprises. It was an absolute pleasure.

In terms of your own writing, identify 1-3 strengths and talk about why you think it’s one of your strengths.

-Image systems. I dragged myself for this, but I think it’s something that really helps me find a character’s voice and make myself excited to RP them! Also, I think it’s what people like about my writing sometimes. Maybe. IDK, lol. -Complex Emotion: I’m stealing this from my mentor who said I’m good at creating complex emotion and so you know its true. My most introverted characters get the bulk of this naturally--they are introspective and feely and give themselves the space to think and feel. But I really want to try to inject more into my extroverted characters. I think I’m doing well for Nemo, who had undiagnosed anxiety and so that informs a lot of his personality in very interesting-- very OPPOSITE-- ways as Berlioz; Nemo struggles with being alone because ‘alone’ means he gets too in his head. That’s been really fun for me and why he’s quickly become one of my fave voices to write (I know, u all thought it was because I am in love with Jimin (true), but no its bc Nemo is an anxious, big feeling baby and he’s always so Alive to me, plus i was made to write a fairy it was always my destiny.)

In terms of your own writing, identify 1-3 areas of improvement.

-Dialogue: PERSONALLY I feel like I’m not great at dialogue. Some posts are better than others and I think I’m good at like…..texting dialogue? IDK. I feel like I struggle in paras though to craft good dialogue. It’s just, rn, average dialogue. Of course not every post needs to have hilarious, punchy, great dialogue. But do my characters sound different? Am I doing all I can to create rhythm and speech patterns? -Filtering: Im being very picky rn, because actually I don’t do this too much, but I do it enough where I’m like, I gotta go read some really stellar writers adn ban myself from using “Feel” and “think” for like a whole month. What I’m talkinga bout is like: Ber realized/ Ber thought / Ber knew. That kind of writing is totally fine, but that’s about it. I need to come up with more creative ways to talk about feelings and abstract concepts!!!

-Character: I know everyone is probably like………….how dare lauryl put this here. But listen. I don’t think I struggle with character on RP. But outside of RP? Oh boy! The THING about RP is you MUST create a character, that’s your vessel for writing here, and so you do all that development plus u got the four years of worldbuilding informing that character, and literally EVERYTHING CHARACTER DRIVEN ITS...THERE IS NO OTHER WAY.  Outside of RP though I think I have struggled because my natural affinity is worldbuilding and shit like that. I’m type 5 baby, I am attracted to characters who let me poke at things I don’t know anything about, like even Jun, part of it really is like, petitions and grocery store management lmfadsofij. SOOOo idk I just need to be able to focus on crafting characters that are compelling vessels for the cool shit I like to do outside of RP.

Pick one of your plots, or even just a character, and come up with a list of 3-5 “mentor texts” where you can look for inspiration or research, then write a short (2-4 sentences) why you picked those texts. JOHN DARLING BREAKS INTO FAERYLAND 1. Call Down the Hawk/Raven Cycle: It’s no coincidence that my reread of Raven Cycle last winter played a pretty big part in inspiring this new version of John. The descriptions of the magical forest Cabeswater and the hunt for Glendower have the same kind of contemporary fantasy vibe that I really like for John. And of course, Ronan’s dream magic is very much intertwined with the faery realm feeling like a dream (and Ashleigh, obviously, as a dark faery who can manipulate them). More than that though, the attention paid to the psyches of each character and how they drive the plot forward is just… /chefs kiss. 2. The Mabinogian: I want to draw from these classic Welsh/British stories and incorporate them in creative ways! Or just as, like, motifs are something. :) I have tried to do this but would like to be a lot more intentional, instead of just being like lmao let me look up some random shit for this one reply~ 3. The Hazel Wood: This book deals with characters coming into the real world from a book world! This kind of goes along with the Mabinogian as I kind of ish want to do something similar, only treating the Mabinogian as a historical, cultural text as opposed to a fiction. This book also focuses a lot on fairy tale tropes (like numbers) which I really want to incorporate in John’s stuff. I want to ideally write some of my own fairy tales-- I have one in mind actually through Ashleigh but it’s related to John too since he’d the scholar of said stories.  

And now, a wishlist!

-Exploring Nemo’s disability. This is slightly challenging for me since we don’t have many fairies, but I’m brainstorming some ideas and hope to really kick it off in January, leading up to his Talent Placement Test.   -I really want to have a lot of town-centric plots for Jun. Would love to rp with the police officers! I want to have Jun try to get some ppl arrested tbh ahah, like, Fflew for loitering, or maybe reporting Mitte. I would love some arch nemeses tbh-- Mitte does seem like a good one. AND I want to submit at least three petitions next semester!! Maybe i should make that two!! Still!! -Do some Bonfamille plots. I already have something I’m really excited about and have already planned here so this is a teaser… -Keep writing essays. The fairies have been great, getting me really inspired to do these.What’s been an amazing mental exercise, and why I cannot stop writing these, is thinking about how the political philosophy of Pixie Hollow informs how it functions: technically, socioculturally etc. It’s really fun for me to basically build a communist thought project and then enact it for real. I feel like I’m learning a lot about...well, societies, lol, and how the material factors endlessly bleed into, and shape, ideas and beliefs (and vice versa). Also, I literally have to do these because when Nemo is IN the Hollow and I want to write him getting a glass of water, I’m faced with a lot of technical questions: do fairies have running water? Does he have to get it from a stream? How do they keep things cool? Etc etc. And that’s why I go off on these, and I’m excited to keep doing them, as many as I can, with feedback from my fellow fairies. Also, do want to do ones that are NOT fairy related, so we’ll see about that. -Write John backstory. He’s gone on a few other adventures and I’d like to actually one-shot those maybe lol. -Alternate Charlie Timeline: This is something that’s bopping around in my head and I haven’t found the perfect way to make it happen, but I want Charlie to travel to an alternate version of his life and get stuck. When I figure out the right way to do this, my partners will also get to rp alternate versions of their characters lol. That’s fun right!! Of course it is, we do it all the time with AUs, but this one obvi be more personal and more closely tied to canon.

OPTIONAL: Why do you RP? First and foremost, I RP because it’s writing for the sake of writing-- joy for joy. I think this is even more important this year as I’ve had to focus on mentorship writing outside of RP. RP became the place where I didn’t have to think so hard about making everything make sense, lol. It gave my brain a break so I could be less judgmental of myself and just have fun and do the most ridiculous stuff...and some of my fave stuff iS ridiculous because of that...like Nemo and Sindri making flower crowns or the ASC nonsense. It’s this kind of light, fluffy, low-stake (but still High Stake) stuff that provided me endless joy when I needed it the most. Second of all, I RP because I really want to invest in people’s creative energy. I think doing so gives back to myself. Building canon, helping people brainstorm, seeing people grow-- I feel like a proud mom when I get to have this kind of mentorship role myself. I talked to MK about this, but even though Sam left to go off and do greater things, that’s like-- to me, it was a lot like he was graduating from this weird BDRP school I’ve helped create. I felt nothing but pride and happiness for him and really felt like, if BDRP was to explode tomorrow, I ACHIEVED the thing I set out to do when, four years ago, I sat on my computer and drafted BDRP’s mission and vision and committed myself to this admin role. And THAT’S what I want ideally-- for BDRP to be this collaborative place that doesn’t focus too much on what makes sense, on sitewide plots that force people into roles. I have always wanted plots like ASC and John’s search for Excalibur to be able to exist side by side, and I think we’ve done that. Now we just have to tend this garden, don’t we, haha? May BDRP bear many delicious fruit.

[kadebronson]

kadebronson’s LGBT book list

hey guys! so i get a decent amount of questions about if the books i talk about have any representation in them (specifically i get trc a lot which for good reasons) and i know i ship boy do i ship but i do try and read as many books as i can with actual representation so i’m gonna comply a list (a working list for now) with some good books

those bolded are faves

a flash of hex by jes battis - this is part of a series and i never got around to reading the rest because i picked it up at a used book store it features gay, bi, and trans characters it was a seriously fun sci-fi book

the amazing adventures of kavalier and clay by michael chabon - listen this book is already a classic and for good reason it’s simply amazing and has everything you could hope for two jewish cousins hopping on the comic book bandwagon one obsessed with magic and trying to be a magician and one who falls in love with a solider it’s gonna make you cry but it’s so good

the family fang by kevin wilson - imagine a wes anderson movie as a book this is basically it annie’s story of coming to terms with her sexuality is heart warming

honor among punks by guy davis and gary reed - PLEASE READ THIS this is one of my fave books of all time it’s a graphic novel set in london in the 80′s if the industrial revolution never happened jack the ripper is running rampant and a bisexual female sherlock holmes (i’m sorry sharon holmes) is on the case! also did i mention she’s a punk? with a badass mohawk? also features a trans woman character but i don’t wanna spoil that part

the parasol protectorate and it’s varying spinoffs by gail carriger - if you follow me, you know how obsessed i am with this series it is my entire life and i absolutely adore everything about it the first book in the main series, soulless, starts off a bit slow but after that it’s totally worth it it’s a steampunk sci-fi/fantasy fusion set in victorian london where werewolves, vampires, humans, and some other creatures live in harmony (sort of) and basically everyone is queer i mean everyone the main character is bi demi and two of her closest friends are a gay vampire and a lesbian inventor

blind items by matthew rettenmund - about a history buff who falls for a tv star who has to stay in the closet for his career great if you love pop culture references a lot very sweet not as heartbreaking as it sounds

p.s. your cat is dead by james kirkwood - based on a play doesn’t focus too much on the characters sexuality but for 1972 it’s pretty boss

the egyptologist by arthur phillips - my mom sent me this one once in a care package because it was about egyptian history and had a gay character because obviously that’s my whole personality it doesn’t focus that much on his sexuality like at all and the book is alright but i figured i’d include it

221 baker streets - there’s only two stories in this anthology that count but they’re both worth it another sherlock holmes one the two stories are wildly different one is of sherlock and john in the 60′s and they’re a part of the factory in new york and the other one they’re teenage girls solving mysteires in their boarding school

ghost hunter series by victoria laurie - ok so gil is sometimes the stereotypical gay bff and it drives me crazy but this whole series is cheesy as hell but i adore it so it’s making it on the list it’s exactly what you think based on the title they’re ghost hunters and that’s about it (plus some romance troubles for both m.j. and gil)

the raven cycle by maggie stiefvater - ok as said before most of the questions i get is about this series YES ronan is gay and adam is bi are these words ever said? no is it annoying? sure but the series is really good and worth it ask me to sum it up? yeah i still can’t do that but you can check my tag and try to figure it out

lumberjanes by noelle stevenson and grace ellis - girls solving supernatural mysteries at summer camp could you ask for anything more? mal and molly are absolutely adorable

giant days by john allison - another graphic novel all the characters are absolutely amazing and it is fucking hilarious we don’t get into daisy’s sexuality until a couple issues in but it’s still fun

station eleven by emily st. john mandel - ok i know i keep saying this but we don’t even find out about clark’s sexuality until the end BUUUUUUT this book is so good i rec it to everyone it’s about a pretty simple disease wiping out most of humanity and then follows the survivors 

the foxhole court series by nora sakavic - another tumblr fave you probably know about this thanks to me as well it’s definitely not for everyone it can be extremely violent but i love it so it’s on here

the captive prince trilogy by c.s. pacat - i’m not gonna say anything about this it’s my guilty pleasure ok

nimona by noelle stevenson - noelle’s lesser known graphic novel! it’s adorable but also very bittersweet nimona becomes the side kick to villain lord ballister blackheart who is hellbent on destroying his nemesis, and jilted not-quite-lover,  sir ambrosius goldenloin

aristole and dante discover the secrets of the universe by benjamin alire saenz - another one you probably know :)

every heart a doorway by seanan mcguire - PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE read this book because guess what? my url is from this book! meet kade bronson my sweet child he’s a trans man and the main character nancy is asexual it’s about people at a boarding school to help them recover from falling through magical doors and living in magical worlds so like rehab for alice after coming back thru the looking glass

rainbow boys trilogy by alex sanchez - alright this trilogy is from the late 90′s so you gotta take a lot of it with a grain of salt but it really good for what it is just about three boys (two gay, one bi) and trying to navigate through high school, coming out, life after graduation, etc.

marine biolgy by gail carriger - it’s my girl again! this is the first story she’s wrote that’s set in present day it’s about alex, a werewolf, who’s starting to fall for marvin, a merman it’s just a short story so i don’t wanna give it all away but there’s a full length book coming soon i’m excited for that!

a charm of magpies trilogy by k.j. charles - ok i still have one more left in the trilogy to read but i adore this series! it’s a little risque ok but it’s about magicians and has some crazy mysteries and i’ve been really enjoying it

alright that’s the list for now i only quickly went through my book journals but i may think of others as time goes on!

[clary-jace]

a-z :D

ohh alright anon we’re just gonna go there and do all of them!!! alright!!! let’s do this!!! 

A: Your current OTP. 

well, as y’all know i’m always on my rucas shipping bullshit because i’m me and i’m literally always thinking about them, but i’m also currently really into glenn/maggie, like i’ve shipped them for years but i’m in a Mood™ with them recently, so i’d say them. 

(gonna continue these under the cut bc this is probs gonna be long) 

B: A pairing you initially didn’t consider but someone changed your mind. 

this isn’t necessarily true anymore bc i kind of don’t care abt any ships from this universe and i stopped watching all these shows but back in the Day aka like 2014, i was watching arrow and the flash and phoebe ( @justiceleague2017dirzacksnyder ) turned me into a barry/felicity shipper. 

C: A pairing you wish you shipped, but just can't. 

there are very few ships that i actively wished that i shipped but a lot of the time i wish that i shipped a ship that was more popular in a lot of my fandoms, like i like the pairing itself but i wish that just ONCE i could ship the most popular ship in a fandom for all the content 

D: What was the first thing you ever contributed to a fandom? 

looking back on my ff.net account, which was my first Online account, the first thing i ever contributed to any fandom was a sonny with a chance fanfiction back in july of 2009. 

E: Have you added anything stupid/cracky/hilarious to your fandom, if so, what? 

ajflkdasf i definitely have, i have this han solo edit that was kind of my first “cracky” edit that i ever posted and then i have the best post i ever made (my riley “look what you made me do” edit) and i also think my girl meets world incorrect quotes would also fall under this category 

F: What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom? What fandom was it? 

hm, i would maybe say the walking dead? i’ve considered myself part of the fandom for like 3 years even tho there was a solid like 9 months where i didn’t post any original content, i’ve been a fan for a long time and have plenty of original content to show for my time in the fandom 

G: What was your first fandom? 

honestly?? probably like late 2000s disney/nick shows ajkfldjasf, that’s what all my earliest fandom contributions are for and considering i was joining the internet fandoms at like age 13, it makes sense 

H: Do you prefer real-life TV shows or animated TV shows? 

real life! the only animated show i’ve ever been super into is bob’s burgers, which is like my favorite show of all time, but most of my other favorite shows are real life, not animated. 

I: Has tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why? 

tumblr has never ruined an entire tv show fandom for me but it’s definitely ruined ships/shipping fandoms for me, like a lot of times if a shipping fandom is really like rude towards one of my favorite characters that’ll make me stop being a fan of that ship/that ship fandom.

J: Name a fandom you didn’t care/think about until you saw it all over tumblr. 

tbh most fandoms that i join, i join them because of tumblr like i distinctly remember the walking dead being all over my tumblr and originally having no desire to watch it but all the gifs and edits that i saw made me really interested eventually so i caved and watched it. the same kind of goes for girl meets world too. 

K: How do you feel about the other people in your current fandom(s). 

I HAVE TO SAY that most people in the rucas fandom are pretty wonderful and all things considered the rucas fandom is probably the nicest shipping fandom i’ve ever been in like obviously there are sour apples in every fandom, but most rucas shippers are pretty sweet, i will also say that i’ve never met a mean gleggie shipper which i’m Thankful for. 

L: Your favorite fanartist/author gives you one request, what do you ask for? 

considering my favorite gifmaker AND fanfic author is maggie @friarlucas aka my bestie, i like to think that i have more than one request BUT if i only had one and am not allowed to request the next chapter of atlp, i would request a follow up to her hp au fic where lucas fell off his broom 

M: A person who got you into a fandom and what fandom they pulled you in to. 

at the beginning of our friendship, samantha @jakeamys kinda pulled me into the dylan o’brien fandom tbh, that’s really the only time i can think of something like that happening tho 

N: Your favorite fandom (for the people; not the thing you fangirl over). 

HONESTLY probably the gleggie fandom, when i was more firmly in that fandom every single person that i met was an angel and i also have to say that i always felt like most gleggie shippers loved both glenn and maggie and truly just wanted to see them together and just genuinely loved their scenes and that’s all you can ask for which i love, i hope all my gleggie shippers out there are doing well bc i love them all 

O: Choose a song at random, what ship does it remind you of? 

i’m sorry i can’t think of any song randomly ajfkljdaf i’m really bad at questions like this i’m sorry i failed you 

P: Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas). 

OK so an au i’ve had on my mind for like a week that i have yet to post abt is a zombie apocalypse au for riley and lucas where the apocalypse happens when they’re in college (+ dating long distance) so riley is in nyc and lucas is in texas so obviously they have no way to contact each other and they’re really far apart and they have no idea if the other one is still alive and then like a year or two into the apocalypse riley is living at this community/camp and one day lucas randomly shows up bc like he was wandering around the area and ended up getting hurt and needed help and he has no idea riley is there and wow they reunite and it’s beautiful 

Q: A ship you’ve abandoned and why. 

i used to be really into riley and maya and i just kind of lost interest in them, i realized that i just didn’t like them as much as i thought i did so i don’t really consider myself a shipper of them anymore 

R: A pairing you ship that you don’t think anyone else ships.  

i don’t know if i’m necessarily the Only shipper but i feel like i’m one of the few people who ships zay and lucas romantically, same goes for maggie and sasha like i don’t think i’m the only one but i’m one of the few that’s for sure 

S: What's a headcanon you have? 

i literally have been sitting here for like 10 minutes trying to come up with a hc but like i can’t think of anything i’m so sorry anon for failing you i’ll try and do better next time 

T: What are your favorite male/male ships or female/female ships? 

i’ll admit that i don’t have many m/m ships but i really love zay/lucas (girl meets world) and adam/ronan (the raven cycle), as for f/f ships i love maggie/sasha (the walking dead), riley/smackle (girl meets world), malia/lydia (teen wolf) and spencer/emily (pretty little liars) 

U: What are your favorite male/female ships? 

my top five m/f ships are riley/lucas (girl meets world), glenn/maggie (the walking dead), han/leia (star wars), matt/julie (friday night lights) and rich/grace (skins) 

V: Do you have any 3-way ships? If so, what?

riley/lucas/zay!!!! the ot3 we were robbed of!!!!!!!!!!! they’re really all i can think of tho. 

W: 5 favorite characters from 5 different fandoms. 

riley matthews (girl meets world), maggie greene (the walking dead), julie taylor (friday night lights), han solo (star wars) and spencer hastings (pretty little liars) 

X: 3 OTPs from 3 different fandoms. 

riley/lucas (girl meets world), glenn/maggie (the walking dead), han/leia (star wars) 

Y: A fandom you’re in but have no ships from. 

i truthfully ship in pretty much any fandom that i’m in but i would say that i have pretty much no ships when it comes to bob’s burgers like, obviously, i love bob and linda but like outside of that i don’t really “ship” anything???

Z: What's a ship that you want to ship publicly, but everyone on tumblr hates it so you keep your mouth shut about it?

i literally can’t think of anything for this one??? like yeah tumblr hates a lot of my ships but i’m also not like ashamed of any of them so like???? i can’t say there’s anything that i don’t talk abt shipping if that makes any sense 

[mild-lunacy]

Fluff, Angst and I

There’s two things that have always been true about me and fic: it’s not that I like fluff, smooth sailing or domesticity. For one thing, I like action adventure (or, the canon, usually) for a reason. But it’s like, well, I spend a lot of time disagreeing with the underlying premises of people’s angstfics. To me, it’s a truth universally acknowledged that true love means you might try to fight it, but you’d fail.

And so, I feel like fics where the OTP breaks up (even temporarily, but fully), or one of them cheats, or is happy with someone else for a long while-- and the idea is they have to work hard or wait a long time to get back together-- it’s just anathema to me. I also am not into ‘issue’ fics, where something awful happens out of nowhere and it’s all about trying to cope (which is the other typical kind of angst, eg deathfics). I don’t really want to have my emotions manipulated in an overt way. And yet, I’d say I like angst. It occurs to me that word probably doesn’t mean the same to me as it does to most fans.

I do like relationship angst and drama, where nothing is easy, which is why I said I don’t like fluff. I also like genuine, earned happiness, which isn't a constant thing in its active state. Who doesn't like joy? The fulfillment of pursuing what you really want, the knowledge you desperately want what you finally have attained-- these are some of the most amazing feelings humanly possible. Pure happiness is like punctuation, existing in tension with the unfortunate past and the unknowable future.

Conversely, it seems to me that the point of fluff is that there’s not a whole lot of tension left between the characters, or it disappears very easily. That’s generally too OOC for me to handle. I do like humor, and I prefer relationships that are acknowledged to be a ‘sure thing’, which theoretically could be fluffy.  But let’s take something like The X-Files or BBC Sherlock-- Mulder and Scully or John and Sherlock’s relationship is absolutely a ‘sure thing’, but definitely not fluffy. They’re too prickly, their lives too difficult, their individuality too defined. I feel like real individuality is always too... individual to be entirely pleasant. It’s too personal and unique to just be straightforward. It’s always multilayered, so you can’t just call it sweet. Plus, in Sherlock and John’s case, they’re still assholes to each other even though there’s no real danger from other quarters, death or permanent separation.

Of course,  I’m not saying angsty scenarios are inherently more complex, somehow. Or at least, I think I’m trying to separate dramatic tension (which does add complexity) from what I can only call ‘cheap drama’, or melodrama. I think a lot of times, if fics present themselves as angsty, they’re referring to typical soapy plotlines such as pointless misunderstandings, sudden cheating, separation, serious illness or rape, etc. This is what’s generally considered ‘angst’, and I’m definitely likely to avoid such storylines. It’s just, the domestic sitcom-style alternative doesn’t usually appeal to me either. Not that I don’t see the appeal in sitcoms or soaps, but neither are my type of story. And I think that these styles dominate romance as a genre, even in fanfic.

It’s not that I consider break-ups verboten completely, but you’d have to be really careful about why you’re writing it (and most people are doing it for the feels or to get rid of the original couple, basically).  It works for me best if it’s part of the process of getting together (so... not really a break-up, I suppose). Likewise, I’ve read deathfics, but where it’s treated as a plot point, and usually the focus was on what happens next (like a ghost story, or a sci-fi option). Though these cases seem dissimilar, I think the focus is on ‘what happens next’ in both cases. I suppose you could see this as a focus on the character’s issues driving the plot rather than being used for emotional effect. In a way, when I say I like angst, I mean I like difficulties. Specifically, difficulties that generate some chain of action or reaction that drives the narrative forward.

If I feel the ‘issues’ are being explored and are driving the plot, I have a very high tolerance for ‘angst’ other people consider bleak or too difficult long-term (eg, Game of Thrones is fine, as in dark but not particularly sad to me). As an example, I’ve watched the first ep of In The Flesh, and I don’t consider it super dark or draining. That’s because all the difficulties are constantly being addressed, even if they generate more difficulties and solutions aren’t easily forthcoming. I always felt like the solution may be long-term, but it’s possible, the same way and to the same degree it is in real life. I’m not supposed to just feel bad, and so I didn’t. I was simply enjoying the twists. This is similar to why I liked The Final Problem, for what it’s worth. I like psychological questions being posed, whether they’re addressed more or less realistically. The important thing to me is the feeling that they’re being seriously explored, on some level, even just open-endedly or metaphorically. I don’t need neatness or solutions so much as that feeling of the characters’ progress. To me, that focus on action means the effect is not bleak or dark, even though the people who saw In The Flesh with me felt it was rather depressing and gruesome. It’s in that sense that I ‘like angst’.

I suppose my real issue with most examples of fandom fluff is also this lack of progress. There’s a certain sense of... warm stasis that I associate with fluff fics. Like, it starts out warm and continues warm. Nothing too interesting can happen without it becoming a mixture, like ‘flangst’ or ‘angst with a happy ending’ (which I like best, probably). If it’s just fluff, the fic tries to simply give you what you want as a shipper, which seems to be ‘nothing bad or even overly stressful has happened or will happen’. That always vaguely reminds me of being strapped to a chair and brainwashed until I agree that indeed, Supreme Leader knows best. I’d say I’m naturally cynical, except I started out saying that my OTP is automatically incapable of breaking up or even waiting overly long to get together (usually-- inevitably-- to satisfy the het pairing), so surely not. Surely characters can be completely devoted without being nice, and happy with each other without necessarily being always happy.

Well, I hope so, anyway. Really, I know so, even if the only canon couple in this vein that pops to mind is Ronan/Adam in The Raven Cycle. It just always seems particularly ridiculous to see Ronan and Adam break up just to get back together. People really underestimate Adam, if nothing else. He decided he’s going to stick with Ronan, and so he will, probably even if he was unhappy (for quite awhile, anyway). It’s not really fate, per se; sometimes characters can only go one way because that’s who they are, and it’s the choice they made, a commitment. I think in some ways, Adam is a bit more absolutely unshakable in this than John because he understands Ronan better than John used to understand Sherlock, though these are really minor differences. My point is, sometimes people make choices about who they are, and that’s how their story goes, and it doesn’t matter what’s ‘realistic’ or not. In choosing Ronan, Adam said, this is who I am, and it now included Ronan. Simple as that. I feel a similar thing happened in ASIP for John, or perhaps the process began then and ended in TLD, maybe. It’s not that it’s necessarily a fluffy, gentle or even nice feeling, though Adam realizes he should make an effort to be gentle, just like Sherlock later makes an effort. But that doesn’t make it less real or permanent.

[aesarctic]

The Raven Boys, by Maggie Stiefvater

I reread The Raven Boys, the first book in The Raven Cycle series, by Maggie Stiefvater.

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Read on Goodreads

THE SUPER NON-SPOILERY REVIEW: This is one of my all-time favourite series. This start to the series is fantastic. I highly recommend reading it. Please note that the synopsis only gives a slight fraction of what actually goes on in the book. There's so much more, and it's so, very worth it. THE NON-SPOILERY REVIEW: The characters? Awesome. The plot? Amazing. The writing style? Incredible. Everything about the book? Fantastic. Everything I said up there? 100% true. I love this book. The writing style is so different, but it works. The characters feel like actual people rather than paper dolls. THE SPOILER REVIEW:

Disclaimer: This entire review was written after my first re-read of the book. I have read the rest of the series. I will include a section at the bottom that goes over things that may spoil the other three books.

We open with a prologue, and its first sentence: "Blue Sargent had forgotten how many times she'd been told that she would kill her true love." I don't like that line. I've come to terms with it because I've read the rest of the series, and there's so much more than that plot line, but I needed to say that. The church watch is one of my favourite scenes. It's one of the moments of the book that is so mysterious. There are ghost-phantoms walking in a line like grade-schoolers, each saying their name because Blue and Neeve need to write it down on a notebook for future psychic meetings. Because their family is a bunch of real psychics. This is the beginning that I love. We meet the Original Gang in a single-file line, organized with Maggie numbering them for us. I like it. Appreciation for: "'What's Ashley?'" "We're supposed to look nice for Ashley so it's a good thing I have a grease stain on my clothing now." --Richard Campbell Gansey III Gansey isn't my favourite character, but he's so human, I can't say I dislike him. Normal book characters make it easy, but Gansey feels like a real person, and I appreciate that too much. Especially when he says lines like, "'Ask me if I found something,'" and has self-doubt moments, like where he asks Adam, "'Why? Was I so awful?'" "Am I invited?" Adam. Another character I don't love, but I definitely don't hate. Lines like this make me feel for him. With every book, there are chapters you like and chapters you don't, but with this book, no matter how subtle, every chapter is used, and I appreciate that greatly. "'Ashley, this is Gansey. Dick Gansey.'" Bond. James Bond. Gansey has so much more courage than I do--I guess that's why Maggie put him in Gryffindor. When people ask about his hobbies and interests, he tells them. I do what I can to avoid talking about what I like, knowing it'll probably be boring for the other person. Adam and Gansey's relationship is weird for me to read about. Sometimes it feels completely real, and other times it feels really plastic. Adam talks about things that Gansey left out in his mini-rant--"He left out the part how it haunted him...the midnight calls to Adam when he couldn't sleep for obsessing about his search."--and that feels so real. Noah is my favourite character. Hands down. I love how straight-forward about being dead he is, and rereading the book, it's so obvious. He mentions it casually all the time, he references it, he does things that indicate he's dead. It's one of those things you don't expect, so you don't predict it, but it's really just right there. I love how he cares for his family and friends. He made a good relationship with Ronan and Blue. He asked Blue to talk to his family for him. I hate Whelk. Also, his chapters were sort of boring to read from. I hate him for other reasons, but that was something, too. Gansey considers Noah a close friend, but I find it strange how no one knows about Noah. I talk about all of my friends all the time. Gansey talks about Adam and Ronan, but never Noah? That seems to be stretching it. Everyone sees Gansey's friend group as three people total, and I have a hard time believing none of them ever mentioned Noah in a story. It wasn't as if he never did anything. Noah was there when Ronan was building the ramp to propel his car to the moon. He was using his fingers to visualize a measurement. He at least somewhat participates in things. I didn't catch this my first time around, but Blue was so against having Raven Boy friends. I almost laughed every time she mentioned how much she hated them. "'My socially inhibited friend Adam thinks you're cute, but he's unwilling to make a move. Over there. Not the smudgy one. Not the sulky one.'" ..."One was smudge, just as he said, with a rumpled faded look about his person, like his body had been laundered too many times." So, first, foreshadowing for Noah being dead. Sometimes I forget he did have some colour to him, as everyone thinks he's alive. I always imagine him as off-white and ghost-like. There must have been more. Second, I never saw Ronan as sulky. I had to reread that a few times. Poor Gansey, trying his best to be understanding and polite and failing miserably in almost every conversation that I can remember. I love the idea of Noah babysitting Ronan. No wonder Ronan and Noah have such a good relationship (another fact I love)--they're together so often because of Noah's unpaid babysitting rig (courtesy of Gansey). Ronan and Gansey's relationship is something I'll never quite get clear. They're friends. They both respect each other, I think. They both look out for each other. Maybe? I mean, on one hand, it's a definite yes, and on the other, sometimes Ronan's anger makes it confusing. I wish we could get a full on book on how all four boys (because Noah counts) became friends with each other. I'll include that the scene where Ronan is building that ramp to the moon with Noah's help is one of my favourite friendship scenes. Not to mention Ronan grieving for Noah when he find out he's dead. This has turned into a Ronan and Noah bullet point, but whatever. I'd also like a copy of Gansey's journal. It sounds like what my sketchbook looks like, but more. I'm not a romance person whatsoever, so shout-out to Blue's curse so she can't kiss anyone. You're doing great. I know it seems like this review has no order to it, I'm sure none of my reviews have any order, but I do actually go through my book as I write this points. I just hit the point where Malory calls, and I'm here to say that I dislike Malory. I have no respect for him. He's a side-ish character that I'm sure is beneficial to the story, but gods, I wish I could just not hear about him. He doesn't appeal to me. "Whenever Gansey talked to British people about America, they always seemed to think he meant Texas." This seems accurate, to my understanding. I'm American, so I wouldn't completely know, but my dad did not grow up in the States, so I have a small understanding. I appreciate this line. Shout-out to my notes. The book says, "It rang twice before Ronan's voicemail said merely, 'Ronan Lynch.'" The way I responded was, "I can't believe Ronan put that much care into his voicemail." "Whelk was not sleeping." Good. Calla. When I first read this series, I did not have the appreciation I should have for her. I love Calla, now. All of the comments Blue makes, things like, "Calla would have put her middle finger up at them" or whatever that line was. The way Calla is just kind of like, "Oh, hey, a secret killed you father, by the way. Is that enough proof for you?" Not to mention, "Blue, don't forget we're going through Neeve's stuff Friday night. Don't forget." Other lines include, "I got his license plate number." "'No,' Calla corrected. 'Kick him in the nuts. Then run the other way.'" "She hissed, 'What are you?'" [Ronan storms out.] "'He asked for a specific. I gave him a specific. I'm sorry it wasn't puppies.'" "'Maura,' Calla said, "that was very rude.' Then she added, 'I liked it.'" "'Are you putting yourself out with the trash?'" So many nicknames for the four boys: 1) The smudgy one 2) The sulky one 3) The elegant one 4) President Cell phone 5) Soldier Boy 6) The mean one 7) The white trash one 8) Captain Frigid 9) Trailer Park Boy 10) Scholarship friend 11) The Irish one Bonus: calling Chainsaw a b*st*rd in the beginning and a pterodactyl later on. The scene where the boys make their way over to Blue's for the reading is another favourite in the book. They find out everyone's met, and everyone's dumbfounded. Blue, who isn't speaking, asks if she should leave because she's being loud (to which we know what that means) and the boys are like "What the heck are you talking about?" I'd also like to point out that when Blue mentions the difference between Gansey's and Adam's politeness, I think that's important. I love how it's the intention of the card picking. Gansey doesn't have to pick if he intends Blue to pick it. I love what that leads to, too. Blue picks her card, Gansey picks her card, Maura takes that card away, Gansey picks death. Nice. Then Gansey says, "'Actually, I don't care about that.'" Nice. "Ah, yeah, death? I know of him. He's pretty whatever." Maura: "What is this 'ley line?' I don't think I've heard of it." (Meanwhile she drew it while in the shower and visits the corpse road once a year.) *Persephone leaves the room via pie crust worries* Calla: "I'm not good with specifics" (Meanwhile, she unravels more than half of Neeve's secrets later in the book and unraveled Ronan's earlier) Shout-out to Gansey saying they're all adults there. When Noah suffers, I suffer: "Noah stood in the doorway to his room, his face pathetic and long-suffering. 'Make [the noise] stop,' he said." Shout-out: "'What the fresh hell is this?' Gansey asked pleasantly." Another all-time favourite scene: Ronan saving Gansey from the wasp. I'm not exactly sure what to say about it, but I love it. It shows friendship, I guess. Or trustworthiness? Respect for Gansey not dying? The fact that Ronan has some heart left? One of the main lines of this book is "it's starting," and it's so cliché, but it fits. Also, when Noah says, "'Don't throw it away,'" what is the "it?" I can't believe Aglionby's honour code goes as far as not having locks for the lockers. Are the students allowed to get their own locks if they want? Is that against the rules? I guess so. Shout-out to the fact that Calla's work involves Aglionby. I'd love to know more about that. I don't remember if we ever find out more about that or not. I wish I could remember, and if we don't, I wish we did. When Adam sends flowers to Blue, all that I could think of was that flowers are temporary. Flowers die. I like how Maggie goes back to Adam's accent every now and then. She even has Blue explain that bit about the word "pretty." I'm very into dialects, accents, and language, and I found that great. "'Safe as life.'" Another main line. Another great line. Helen making fun of Gansey's obsession with Henrietta gives me life. I think a lot of things that deals with the church confuse me. Gansey knows where it is because he was able to record Blue's voice while he was there. However, he constantly needs directions to get there. Also he knows the name of it and Blue doesn't. "'Ronan said, 'I'm always straight.' "Adam replied, 'Oh man, that's the biggest lie you've ever told.'" When I first read this book, I was wary. One of my friends recommended it to me. I opened it, and the writing style was different. The characters were different (human). The humour was different (and familiar). Spoiler alert: the writing style, characters, and humour are three reasons that I love this series more than many, many other series and books. I read this line, and I believe my thought process was something along the lines of, "Yes. That's it. I like this series." It's a repeated joke I hear millions of times a day, and it was so familiar and comfortable, it was nice to read it from book characters. Shout-out to the description "broccoli trees." Cabeswater is more of a character than a setting. I have an appreciation for its mysteriousness, but it's not my favourite. I've grown to like it more since I read the series for the first time, though. I love that Noah has this thing where he pets Blue's hair. I do that, too, to my friends. The moment Blue and Gansey find Noah's body, I will never forgive them. They call the police, and he's moved off the ley line. Bye, Noah. Blame your friends. I'm glad they fixed it, though, via grave robbing his bones and moving them to a creepy rundown church. Another favourite scene (the first book is full of them, I know): Gansey's confrontation with Noah about finding his body. And figuring out his last name. And that part about him being dead. Noah has this moment: he's stealing energy from Blue, and the moment he materializes, he's apologizing. He hesitates before bumping knuckles with Adam, and he's explaining that he was more when he was alive. He has a conversation with Ronan, Adam, and Blue about being dead, and you can still tell he feels bad and is confused. He doesn't remember dying--or when he stopped being alive, I should say. He then talks about Whelk, and I already don't like him (Whelk) without that part of the conversation. I have too many feels sometimes. You'd think Maura would be good at keeping her word that her and Neeve would be home at midnight. Gansey makes a point that he wants to fix Noah, and all I have are exclamation points. He wants to fix Noah. It's a Quest--capital Q. He wants that. It's a main point of his. So much is packed into the last fifty pages, and yet it doesn't feel rushed at all. The fight between Gansey and Adam. I don't know how to feel. I think Adam is supposed to be the "correct" side of the argument, but this issue is something I'm not familiar with. Adam has the right to be angry, of course. Maybe it's right to take it out on Gansey, or maybe it isn't. I'm not sure. Gansey's always trying to help, and from what I remember, he always tells the truth, but he did pay off Adam's insurance? I can see why Adam's upset, I guess. One thing, though, and this annoys me, is that Adam makes a point of Gansey's vocabulary. The entire book, Adam is telling Gansey to fix his words: use simpler words. This makes sense, as everyone wants to know what Gansey is saying. However, Gansey was raised with an excellent vocabulary. It's not a different language--it's all English--but it's almost a different branch of English. Gansey was raised on X branch while everyone else was raised on Y branch. Of course Gansey's X-branch words are going to be different. Of course he's going to need correcting. Of course this is going to take time to correct. They've only known each other for a year, and it will take longer than a year. What I'm getting at is while it's okay for Adam to ask for clarification, I don't think he should use it as a target point during the argument. I'm sure Adam is very annoyed at Gansey's vocabulary, and I understand why, but I still don't think it's right. And this leads me to how Gansey responds to Adam lashing out at it: "'This is the way I talk. I'm sorry your father never taught you the meaning of repugnant. He was too busy smashing your head against the wall of your trailer while you apologized for being alive.'" This was too far. I knew it, Adam knew it, Gansey knew it. It was addressed as too far. Everyone knew it wasn't okay. I don't think I need to discuss why, but I just wanted to say that while I can rant for two paragraphs on one point of Adam's, I'm not excusing these lines that Gansey says. All of the characters have flaws. Every single one. Everyone is trying to fix themselves and figure out themselves and become better people. That's human. That's excellent writing. Towards the end of the book, we see a lot of that. Appreciation for Blue calling out for Noah when she gets to Monmouth, and then Noah commenting on Blue's hair. It's not that Adam has bad intuition or anything--he knew he needed to do something about the ley line. It's just that he thought he had to wake it up. It was good he left to wake it up, otherwise things would have ended badly with Neeve and Whelk, but there must have been something else Adam could do. And then he became Cabeswater's eyes and ears, and that was something else. Appreciation for Noah's concern for Adam. I wish I had kept track of everyone who said things are changing. Maura, Ronan, Gansey? Blue? I think there were others, too. Adam, maybe? Whelk missing Noah is very strange. I think he misses the idea of Noah. Not the actual Noah. I love when they go to Noah's funeral and everything after. The interaction of Blue with his family (I have this theory that "I'm sorry I drank your birthday schnapps" is a code for something in the Czerny family), the later grave robbing, putting Noah's bones in the ground at the church, everything Noah says and is when he reappears. Maybe I really like Noah. Maybe he's my favourite character. SPOILERS FOR THE NEXT THREE BOOKS: Disclaimer: All page numbers for The Raven Boys (TRB) is for the paperback copy. -"'Gansey,' he said. ...'That's all there is.'" (page 15; TRB) "'Gansey,' he said. 'That's all there is.'" (page 417; TRK - hardback) -The entire interaction when Gansey goes in for his reading. We know what the third choice may be with Adam. We know what Calla means about Ronan's father. We know what death and Gansey mean. -When Adam gave Blue the flowers (page 81), my first thought was that flowers are temporary. They die. Almost like Blue and Adam's romantic relationship. Foreshadowing? Looking too deep into it? Who knows -"Ronan, I want you to tell me again what you'd found out about dreamtime and song lines." (page 233) -There are many tiny hints to Ronan creating Cabeswater -Adam and Ronan have many thoughts about each other. First thoughts. Their relationship is foreshadowed this way. -Blue makes a mental note to look out for Gansey being one for levity. I don't know if she does look out for that in the future, but I'd like to know if she does. (page 358) I've heard that you should read The Raven King before rereading this book. I did not have time for that, but next time! I'll see if there's any more foreshadowing. In the meantime, if someone else would like to tell me any foreshadowing they found in this book, I'd love to hear it! EDIT: I need to add more. The characters are so thought out, real, and human. Maybe I mentioned this, but I have an incredibly hard time hating people. I don't have an incredibly hard time hating book characters, movie characters, or TV show characters. They're too flat. They're like the emotions from Inside Out. But these characters are so different. I can't hate any of them. I feel bad disliking some more than others. Let's take Adam, for example. Out of the four boys, he's my least favorite. Except he's not. It's so blurry and unclear. How do I feel about Adam? Sometimes I like him and sometimes I don't. Sometimes I find him relateable and sometimes I don't. And every character is like that! They're all so human! It's incredible! I love it! And the setting is so well done. Setting the tones for each place: Cabeswater, 300 Fox Way, the diner Blue works at, Aglionby. All of it. I mean, especially Cabeswater, I really like Cabeswater. The plot gets a little iffy for me, but it still works so well. Everything's a huge 3D puzzle. It has ups and downs and isn't flat, but it fits together. In real life, everything affects something. In this book, everything affects something.

[brittneyrz]

I have seen this tag on about half, if not more, of the blogs I follow recently. I find them all interesting and thought it would be a fun way to go through the books I have read so far this year.

This year has probably been one of my best reading years yet. I am 9 books ahead of my Goodreads goal. I think that is because I have now started reading before work and always before bed. Plus I have been in a reading groove with books I really enjoy!

Best Book You’ve Read so far in 2018

This one is tough because as I said I have been loving just about everything I have read. I think though this would have to go to Scythe by Neal Shusterman. It was a refreshing story, one that made me think. I cannot wait to see where the story goes in the next book!

Best Sequel You’ve Read so far in 2018

We are going to continue a theme here and say Thunderhead by Neal Shusterman. That book defied all my expectation and left me desperate for the next book!

Most Anticipated Release for the Second Half of the Year I have a handful of books I am super excited for but I think there are 4 mains ones I am waiting for.

Smoke and Iron by Rachel Caine which comes out on July 3rd. I fell in love with the Great Library series earlier this year and can’t wait to continue the story. Next would be What If It’s Us by Becky Albertelli and Adam Silvera which comes out October 9th. I have high expectations for this one. I think it will be adorable. On September 25 Vengeful by Victoria Schwab is coming out. I really enjoyed Vicious and I just love Victoria Schwab in general. I can’t wait for this one. And last is Queen of Air and Darkness by Cassandra Clare which comes out December 4th. This is the end to a series and I have to know how everything turns out.

Biggest Disappointment

I read Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein and I just did not fall in love with it as I was expecting too. I have heard such great things about it but I just did not enjoy it that much. I know I am in the serious minority with this one but I felt more anger than anything while reading it. It may be one of those books I have to read again in a different mindset and maybe it will be better.

Biggest Surprise

This one will have to go to Every Heart a Doorway by Seanan McGuire. I thought I would like it but I found myself really attached to the characters. I think the biggest surprise part of it though was the way it is a series that dedicates books to each character. I thought it was going to be one story through but it isn’t and I really like that!

Favorite New Author (or new to you)

I just finished Julian Winter’s Running with Lions and really enjoyed it. It was his first book and I am eager to see what else he writes. I think it was fun and sweet and I want more from him.

Newest Fictional Crush This one is hard because I generally don’t fall for the characters in books. But if had to choose one I think I would choose Kade from The Wayward Children series. He seems complex and sweet and I would love to be friends and get to know him better.

Newest Favorite Character

I will have to go with Ronan from The Raven Cycle series. He is my favorite type of character, hard outside, soft inside. I am so excited he is getting his own series!

Book That Made You Cry

I don’t cry at books. I am someone who has doesn’t cry over movies either. None of the books I have read yet this year has really made me that emotional. Thought I will say What Do You Do With a Chance? really hit me hard. As someone who has seen a chance finally work out and thinks others have potential to work out as well it was a nice emotional tug.

Book that Made You Happy

Easy this one has to be Simon vs. The Homo Sapiens Agenda by Beck Albertelli. In my review I talk about how I literally was giddy happy by the end of this book. It was just so sweet and ended so well. I adored it.

Favorite Book to Film Adaptation

I have only seen two movies that fit this and the winner is hands down Love, Simon. I thought the movie version of Simon vs. was done really well. It stayed true to the story. It was sweet and fun. I think it also was so great to see it do well in the mainstream and hopefully give a push to producing movies with more LGBTQIA+ representation.

Favorite Post You’ve Done so Far this Year? I had a few posts I enjoyed writing. I think my top 3 would be New Writing Space because it was my push into really finding my writing groove again. I also really enjoyed writing “Reading Helped Shaped Who I am” because it was fun to see how reading has had such an impact on me. And I really had fun writing “How I see myself as a Fictional Character.” That one was just fun!

Most Beautiful book You’ve Bought This Year

I recently bought Circe and I really like the cover. I just like the simplicity of it.

New Release You Haven’t Read Yet but Want To

I have Children of Blood and Bone by Tomi Adeyem that I am really eager to read it. Also in a few days the next book in Gena Showalter’s Lord of the Underworld series comes out, Darkest Warrior, and I am really eager to read that one. Though I am scared it is going to make me very angry.

Book You Need to Read by the End of the Year

I just bought Shaun David Hutchinson’s The Five Stages of Andrew Brawley. I have been meaning to read this one forever and I finally remembered to buy it. I will have it done by the end of the summer.

This was a fun way to go through the year so far in book so if you haven’t done this one go for it!

Mid-Year Freak Out Tag- 2018 edition I have seen this tag on about half, if not more, of the blogs I follow recently.

[guardians-of-iselda]

August Wrap Up:

August was a surprisingly good month for reading, despite being very busy for me as I move house and start a new job. I read 8 books, 4 volumes of a manga and started on a graphic novel, which is the most I’ve read in a single month since probably high school. Who knew a long commute would pay off like that?

So without further ado, let’s talk about the books:

Call Me by Your Name by Andre Aciman

I read this in preparation for the movie and liked it. I gave it 3 stars on Goodreads and have a spoilery review of it. This book follows Elio, a 17 year old Italian boy who develops a relationship with a 24 year old grad student named Oliver who is staying at his house for the summer. This book is very literary, the writing style is poetic, we are trapped in Elio’s head for the whole novel, and time is a loose concept. It’s worth a read, but I personally expected more.

Star Wars Aftermath by Chuck Wendig

This is the third and final book in the Aftermath series, and concludes the story-line of Nora’s crew. Another 3 star read, and I also have a rambley review on Goodreads. There are elements in this book I liked more than in the other 2, but overall this still wasn’t great. The fact that the crew was apart yet again really wore on me, since not all characters are equal. In this case I only really cared about Sinjir and Mon Mothma, and sadly, they weren’t the main plot. I have an entire section on Rax and his terrible, wasted potential of a story-line, and while I didn’t dislike it, it was not my favorite book in the series. 

Shadow and Bone by Leigh Bardugo

I read this book on a whim, was pleasantly surprised at how much I enjoyed it. It’s a YA fantasy, following Alina Starkov who is a map maker in the First Army of the Kingdom of Ravka. After she saves her best friend’s life during an attack, she gets ushered in the life of the Second Army composed by Grisha; powerful and beautiful sorcerers, serving the Darkling.

This is definitely a foundational book, and it has a lot to set up, and therefore a lot of problems. The world-building is by far the best part of this series, since the Grishaverse is a unique blend of technology and magic, inspired by Slavic folklore. The world has a very Attack on Titan feel, and anyone who knows me, knows that I love the first season of the anime. The characters are solid, especially Alina. 

The problems come in with the pacing and the plot: the pacing is uneven and the plot is pedestrian; we have seen all of this before. There is a love triangle that is tolerable, but if you don’t like romance as a driving force in fantasy, this may not be the series for you.

Siege and Storm by Leigh Bardugo

This book was my lowest rated in the series at two stars. Everything that bothered me in the first book was heightened in this one. The pacing was terrible, parts of the plot felt very slow and parts just flew by. We are introduced to more new characters but none of them get any real development or time to shine, and that romance…

Look, I can tolerate a love triangle, but in this book it was a love quadrant. The new addition serves only to complicate things and make Mal’s life miserable, which is sad, because by himself Nikolaj is a good character! 

There is a scene in this book that is literary a rip off of Fight Club, I screamed when I read it, it was that terrible. None of the supporting characters are developed and even established characters like Alina lose a lot of their agency because of the plot.

Ruin and Rising by Leigh Bardugo

Talk about whiplash: this book was excellent. Everything I disliked about books 1 and 2 was fixed in this. It’s almost a 5 star read, almost. The pacing improves, the characters get developed, with actual personalities and rapport and the villain actually feels like a villain! The stakes get higher, Alina has to make some actually hard decisions and the world changes. The ending and the terrible twist are what really stop me from giving this 5 stars, but it’s a massive, almost impressive improvement.

Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins

 I DNF’d this book, but I feel like it would be wrong not to mention it, since I mentioned Divergent last month.

Maybe I just wasn’t in the mood for this (I tried reading it between SaB and SaS), or maybe it really sucked as much as I felt it did. Either way, I found the story more interesting in concept than execution, the changing perspectives were incredibly confusing, especially since they are all in first person (and I know that’s the whole point, but it was really hard to keep track of whose narration we were following) and none of the characters were likable enough for me to care for them. I gave it a star. 

Berserk vol 1-3 by Kentaro Miura

By the time this post goes up, I have most likely not finished vol 4, but I will probably finish it if not by the end of August then like the first few days of September. 

I have wanted to read Berserk for ages, ever since I watched the anime as a young teen. That ending destroyed me, and I was traumatized for years, I swear. The manga is similar in that it’s a very dark fantasy, following (for the first 3 volumes) Guts almost exclusively. He is a very interesting protagonist, tiptoeing on the line between being a completely irredeemable asshole and a tragic, likable antihero. I loved the first 3 volumes, especially 3, which ends with a horrifying cliffhanger (that is partly the reason why I haven’t really cracked down on vol 4). If I have one complaint, it’s: why in hell does Puck keep following Guts around? He’s so abusive to the little fairy, it makes me really think that Puck might be either a masochist or an idiot. 

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo 

This book was so amazing, I’m still in shock. Like I’m not going to lie, it’s rare that I come across a book that is so well written and so engaging that I can’t think of a single reason to dock points off. And to add to that, the plot and the characters are like, designed to appeal to me, who is in love with Heist movies, criminal masterminds and anyone who remotely resembles/sounds like Tommy Shelby. 

What’s this book about? Glad you asked. It’s a heist story following a group of six people, lead by Kaz Beckker aka Dirtyhands. They are hired to break into the most secure place in the Grishaverse; the Fjerdan Royal Palace. I’d urge you to read it, but who am I kidding, you probably already have and I’m just late to the party. 

Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo

This is the sequel to Six of Crows and it’s as good as the first book. It follows our gang where we left them off, facing impossible odds to beat the Merchant Counsel, the Die Lions, and the Shu, Fjerdan and Ravkan delegations all looking for the same thing the broke into the Ice Court for. I

The characters which were amazing in the first book are even better here (for the most part) and the world and stakes are greatly expanded. Not a 5 star read for me personally, but I still loved it, and if you want to know more about my thoughts, my Goodreads is linked at the bottom. 

Now for what I plan on reading in September: 

Black Monday Murders by Jonathan Hickman 

I already started this and am up to issue 4. This is a really strange series, following the children of demons, who are also part of 2 recently fused schools of economics who have been involved with all the major crashes in the market since the Great Depression (and maybe even earlier). 

There is satanism, demonology, economics, murder and time-hopping, and so far the main characters seem to be a professor, Alexei, the twin sister of one of the heirs in the company, and a detective whose grandma was a voodoo practitioner. It’s fascinating, but like all of Jonathan Hickman stuff it’s very complex and hard to get into. The art is gorgeous and I’m curious to see where this series will go. 

Dream Thieves by Maggie Stiefvater

This was on the TBR for July, but i never got around to it because of Grisha (I’m sorry Blue, it just happened). So everything I said before stays: this is the second book in the Raven Boys series, which follows a group of four boys and a girl while searching for a fabled Welsh King. It’s magical realism and from what I read of the sample, this book with focus more on Ronan, and he was my favorite character in the Raven Boys.

Eragon by Christopher Paolini

So I’ve already read this, but I read it years ago, when I was just first getting into fantasy. I remember being obsessed with the first three books, especially the first 2. I think I read Brisingr halfway and then just never finished it because my dad read it first and he said the ending sucked. But now, with years passed and the whole cycle being out, I really want to get back into this series. And Eragon is a fast read so I don’t see why I couldn’t read this.  

Now the next 3 books are a stretch, because they are all heavy high fantasy and I don’t know whether I’ll get to all of them (or whether I’ll be able too, my brain might get fried)

Nevernight by Jay Kristoff

This is an adult fantasy following a girl named Mia who watched her father get hanged for treason and joins a cult like assassin’s guild to avenge him. Honestly, sold. I read the prologue when I bought this book and it looked heavy, but exactly the type of realistic, gory fantasy that I’m into. I really hope I end up liking this book.

Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss

Another adult fantasy that I’ve heard is amazing. I follow Rothfuss on twitter and he’s a hilarious man, so I’m excited for this too. Again this seems like another heavy fantasy, and it follows this wizard who now runs an inn as he tells his life story starting from his childhood. From what I know the first book ends when he is still in/gets kicked out of university, but it still sounds amazing. I need to get into this series before there’s like 10 books out and I can’t catch up.

That’s all for August, and join me again in September!

My Goodreads

[vonaerys-blog]

♡ the book challenge i lazily did ♡

Now, it says 30-day book challenge but I don’t have time for that so here it goes!  ♡

D-1. The best book I read last year was Maggie Stiefvater The Dream Thieves, the second book of The Raven Cycle. It centers about Ronan Lynch, my most fave character of the series. READ THE RAVEN CYCLE  ♡

D-2. I’ve read Benjamin Alire Saenz’s Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe about exactly four times now. IT WAS SO GOOD! AND MY FEELS! AND ARI AND DANTE!  ♡

D-3. My fave series are Six of Crows duology, The Raven Cycle, and Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard series.  ♡

D-4. My fave books of those series are Six of Crows because this book (and the second one) are so action packed! It was such a good read, damn., The Dream Thieves (see no.1), and Magnus Chase and the Sword of Summer because it really is good (LOL) and the way Rick Riordan introduced the Norse Mythology is well-explained.  ♡

D-5,6.. There is only one book that made happy and sad is Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe, now don’t be surprised if I mention this book a couple times. Lol. Okay, so it made me happy because the friendship of Ari and Dante is one of a kind. Their dynamics are fantastic specially in the scenes where they just talk about everything in the universe and Ari’s fascination of Dante. Now, it made me sad because there’s this feeling of hollowness when it comes to Ari’s brother, his longing to him, and hsi relationship with his father whose a war veteran.  ♡

D-7. I would say Magnus Chase series but Sophie Kinsella’s chic-lit I’ve Got Your Number made me laugh harder! It was a fun read and Poppy is a like-able character.  ♡

D-8. I think the most overrated book that I have is Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children by Ransom Riggs. It is a good adventure book, awesome characters, and actually one of my faves but it was really overrated. Also the Percy Jackson series. HAHAHA I KNOW, I’M SORRY. Okay so I loooove Percy. I am a big fan, to be honest but everyone’s talking about him! LMAO. And Harry Potter. HAHAHA ♡

D-9. A book I thought I wouldn’t like. It was the book Proxy by Alex London. I LOVE THIS BOOK SO MUCH but I really thought it would take me weeks before I finish it because I can’t seem to move forward with the first chapters then the action happened. I was hooked.. LMAO I finished it within a day. ♡

D-10. Harry Potter series. It reminds me of home because it was basically my childhood, tho I read the book later. I was sooo into that book. I even know all the spells before! Lol ♡

D-11. A book I hated. Definitely Madeleine Roux’s Asylum and it’s second part, Sanctum. It’s just sooo bad. The first was a meh for me but I thought maybe I’d give this series a chance so I bought the second book but it was just as bad. It’s actually a trilogy but I have no plans on buying the third book. Waste of money. Waste of trees. ♡

D-12. A book I love/hate is Victoria Aveyard’s Glass Sword, part of the Red Queen series. I love that series but this book is just kinda frustrating. You’re gonna hate Mare so much. She’s being bitchy. Lol, but the plot was good.

D-13. My fave author is of course Rick Riordan. His books are sooo amazing. And the way he deliver the characters is just so great. Even the villains would become your fave.  Lol ♡

D-14. Miss Peregrine’s. TIM BURTON MURDERED THAT BOOK WITH HIS MOVIE. It is sooo bad omg. Plus the fact that Emma and Olive changed powers so Emma would be Jake’s damsel-in-distress. Burton’s movies are flopping these days, he needs a break. ♡

D-15. I’ve a few, six actually. Lol. Look, it’s hard to decide for a fave male character when they’re all hot (Ronan Lynch - The Raven Cycle, Kaz Brekker - Six of Crows duology) or cute (Magnus Chase - Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard, Aristotle and Dante - Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe) or just so sad you wanna protect them (Patroclus - Song of Achilles, Nico di Angelo - PJO & HOO). ♡ I think the reason that I like them is because I can see bits and bits of me through them. Like Magnus’ sarcasm, Patroclus’ love for Achilles, Ari and Dante’s questions in life and such. ♡

D-16. I really don’t have a fave female character but I like strong female characters like Adelina Amoutero of The Young Elites series, Emma Bloom of The Peculiar Children series, and Annabeth Chase of PJO and HOO series. ♡

D-17. Favorite quotation. I got a few actually and it's all from the book Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe “The summer sun was not meant for boys like me. Boys like me belonged to the rain.”  “I bet you could sometimes find all the mysteries of the universe in someone's hand.”  “The summer sun was not meant for boys like me. Boys like me belonged to the rain.”  “There are worse things in the world than a boy who likes to kiss other boys.”  “And it seemed to me that Dante's face was a map of the world. A world without any darkness. Wow, a world without darkness. How beautiful was that?” - Aristotle is so sweet, and he still haven’t realized he love Dante in that part. He’s that oblivious. Lmao “How could I have ever been ashamed of loving Dante Quintana?” ♡

D-18. The book that disappointed me was Captive Prince. I thought I was gonna major love it but when I was reading it I just can’t stand it! C.S. Pacat’s writing style is just sooo bad it’s like reading a generic story from Wattpad and the plot was what? See! HAHA ♡

D-19. Definitely the Harry Potter series. Man, that book is awesome and the movie is awesome.

D-20. I’ve only read one romance book and that’s I’ve Got your Number by Sophie Kinsela. #KiligMuch ♡

D-21. The first novel I remember reading was The Son of Neptune, part of Heroes of Olympus series by Rick Riordan. I was a stupid kid, I thought it was a stand alone series. It was good tho, had fun reading it while traveling around Cam Sur. ♡

D-22. none

D-23. That’ll be V.E Schwab’s Vicious and Shades of Magic series. Its got good reviews and I think the plot is really good + I love fantasy but the books are just so expensive! I can’t buy a book that'll cost me almost $20 each! I’m a cheap-ass, y’all. ♡

D-24. The Raven Cycle. Sure it’s famous in Tumblr but a lot of people doesn’t know about that book.. I hope it gets the recognition it deserves. Lol. The book have an interesting plot, likeable characters, and it’s well-written!

D-25, 26. NONE

D-27. The plot twist in Red Queen has me SHOOKT! I definitely did not see that coming. I just- ugh! I ship Mare and Maven but Victoria just did that! She has me shookT!

D-28. I’m gonna say it again. Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe. Now that’s a good book title. It’s actually the reason why I noticed this book. The title sounds like it’s gonna a great adventure, but a different kind of adventure. An adventure that made me feel happy, and sad, and just beautiful. ♡

D-29. None

D-30. For the last time. 

That’s all for tonight! I hope you enjoyed this “challenge”

♡ ♡ vonaerys ♡ ♡

[mild-lunacy]

As Far as the Narrative Allows

As should be clear by now, I really love Ivy's reading of TFP; I just wrote a meta on canon Johnlock because of Ivy's reading. And I respect transformative fandom and readings, but... the fact is, if I think of it as being just another transformative reading, like the other rewrites and/or reimagining attempts of S4 in general and TFP in particular, the glow immediately fades, and I can literally feel all my joy and love slipping away. Even my face actually drops when I think of it like that. I mean, I realize that I'm right there with many other fans at this moment, who want to hold on to the love, to the fannish joy if nothing else. I feel that too; I want that too. It's just... my joy has never been purely transformative. I personally can't abide by the idea that I'm denying or disregarding any part of canon, subtextual or textual, including explicit and apparent implicit intent. I do still *love* the canon, after all. And so, I can only follow after Johnlock as far as I can truly, rationally believe the narrative allows.

I also don't really feel the need to reclaim my ship (though I can understand it). It was never either the authors' *or* mine to me, after all. It's *ours*. I'm neither entirely the canon-whore nor a transformative fanon-first type (though no one would accuse me of that). I feel like the magic in fiction happens in the act of communication itself, and it's found in the middle: in the free space between the creators and the audience. That's that collaborative process that Ivyblossom described Mofftiss clearly supporting, particularly in episodes like TAB, which ask a lot of active effort to connect the dots on the part of the viewer, but not *transformative* effort. It's not solving puzzles, and it's not predictive unless there's an arc at play: in the end it's just close reading.

Anyway, what I'm saying is that I have to believe there's different kinds of clues and subtext reading in fandom. There's definitely been very different ways of approaching 'canon Johnlock', that are only obviously revealed as functionally divergent right now. One is the puzzle solving orientation to it: what you might call transformative analysis of the subtext. And then there's mine. I don't transform. I'm not a puzzle solver (and yes, I never have been), but neither do I opt for the typical 'English major' type approach, which once might have been at odds with canon Johnlock, and now may well be embraced and celebrated as part of reclaiming 'our' ship from Mofftiss.

Essentially, while I agree that any reading that can be made to 'fit' with what we know is valid and acceptable, at the same time, my standards in fandom are *much* higher than they would be in an English class. Not everything goes, in my book. It only goes if a given interpretation fits *both* the apparent waters' surface and the contextual currents in the text, as well as the subtext island. I don't begrudge people their happiness or peace of mind, as I realize that's what I'm trying to achieve too, but the fact is that I'd rather be unhappy and never think of Sherlock again than consciously twist canon to fit my needs in any way. I *have* to believe the subtext is real in Johnlock, and they simply chose to keep it subtextual. Otherwise, it's no different than believing they were together in THoB or had a one-night stand during Stag Night. Both of these can work with the text on a very basic level, but make no sense on a deeper narrative or structural level. Therefore, both are discarded as analysis and too painful for me to believe (as I'd only feel delusional). I have to believe Ivy's reading is different, and yet... I'm not sure if I can. Mostly, it does seem different because it does actively work with all levels of canon at all points that I can see; it doesn't merely *fit* or expand upon the text, but illuminates and supports it. To the degree I still think that, I believe Johnlock remains right there, at the topmost layer of actual intentional subtext.

The thing is, I love subtext, and I'm comfortable taking a certain degree of it to be textual if it's integrated with the textual themes and characterization arcs, as I've tried to explain before. It's a delicate balancing act, especially when you lack any explicit proof. In the end, it's just about what works for you and what satisfies you at that point, which is why I'm just rambling about my own reactions here, really. I mean, I still genuinely see an implicit romance built into the (sub)text of BBC Sherlock from the start. That's not just another valid analysis of the show like any other, and I'm not about to start embracing that way of looking at it now, not after years of reasoned resistance. It's not 'just another workable analysis' because nothing else *makes sense*, not in the larger view of Sherlock's arc and the direction, writing, acting and even the internally consistent design choices. That's been my standard, and it remains my standard. My own feelings are obviously important to me, but I didn't see canon Johnlock for the sake of my feelings, and again, I really don't want to start now. Either I see it 'cause I genuinely see it, or I don't. Live by the sword, die by the sword, as they say. It was never a game to me. This is simply and purely about me interpreting the text as honestly and as closely as I can, so yes, of course it's all real (even the hallucinations and/or Mind Palace parts in TAB or elsewhere are real insofar as the characterization goes).

So what am I left with?

I'll support canon Johnlock to the degree it's actually textually necessary to make sense of the narrative, even if I'd ship it and love the characters no matter what. If I didn't think the narrative supported it anymore, I'd simply engage with it as a canon and also a slash ship like any other. I mean, there's nothing wrong with that, surely. Slash can be-- and is-- independent of canon intent. There's no need for me to remake or transform my view of canon for the sake of any ship (see: Thor/Loki or Harry/Draco, say). But we know that Johnlock still isn't like Harry/Draco; Ivy made an illustrative graph to that effect recently. On the other hand, neither is it like Ronan and Adam's romance in The Raven Cycle, unfortunately, because that's Stage 5, like John/Mary. We're still solidly on Stage 4, as we have been since Series 3, basically. And I have no wish to pretend any different any more than I wish to pretend there's more racial diversity than there is in the books, and so Ronan is somehow black. He just *isn't*. He's Irish of the apparent Caucasian type, and that's the end of the story to me.

In the end, I feel like Johnlock remains unique. A bit ineffable, but somehow uniquely undeniable. It isn't queerbaiting to me, but that's my personal reading of the term; I don't feel taunted, baited or deceived. I just feel peaceful when I think of John and Sherlock's relationship after TFP. Everything is fine, and they're together as far as the narrative allows *and* beyond.

[mild-lunacy]

Antiheroes and Pity vs Sympathy

I automatically have a flash of sympathy for anyone who’s called-- or calls themselves-- unlikeable, or unwantable, or unknowable (hi, Adam Parrish). I don’t want to seem like a bleeding heart, though, mostly because I don’t want to say that I romanticize this. So in part this is a comeback to the people who don’t understand, and in part it’s because I’m addressing it mentally to those characters and/or people who’re in that state of mind (particularly re: the Kavinsky and/or Mary Morstan discourse in fandom). It’s not about pity, when I love a dark character. And it’s not that I don’t see all the issues. I think what I feel is a desire to protect those who make themselves vulnerable, and I think to believe yourself unlikeable is ultimately to admit to a wound. In that position of vulnerability, a lot of dark things can happen. A lot of violence and hurt can potentially be perpetrated in so-called self-defense. Not all of it is forgivable, but much of it is sympathetic, to me. 

Usually. Not always.   

I say all this, but it’s by no means absolute. I like a lot of characters that are supposed to be ‘problematic’ or dark, but at the same time, if a character is essentially shallow or comfortable with their own darkness and despair, generally I don’t care for them. It’s not that I need self-hatred or something, but there’s a big difference between Draco Malfoy and Adam Parrish, or Severus Snape and MCU’s Loki (to get more hardcore), and someone like Kylo Ren or Kavinsky. What makes someone like Kylo Ren or Kavinsky different? Seemingly, they have all those antihero type ingredients of intense darkness and perhaps self-pity, but they just lash out and doesn’t make any meaningful connections. They may try, but they are abusive. Snape is like that too, with Lily-- he tries, but he’s still abusive and emotionally toxic to her, and then even to Harry-- so that his better feelings and motivations are swallowed up. The difference is that Snape ultimately sacrifices himself. He does a lot of hard things, thankless things, with little help and no acknowledgment or reward, in order to atone. This is the difference, even if he can’t unbend enough to form healthy relationships. With someone like Kavinsky or Kylo Ren, there is no atonement.

The vulnerability feels most of all like an excuse and not a burden the character bears (in this, Kylo Ren is like his grandfather). He has no obvious conflict within himself, no apparent (supposedly hopeless) desire to be something other than what he’s becoming. When a character simply chooses to self-destruct by destroying others, it’s not that they’re suffering over being unlikeable. It’s that they’re mainly making others suffer the bulk of the pain for them, leaving them only the smugness and self-satisfaction of destruction. That’s where my sympathy stops, and only the pity for the truly pathetic is left.

I’ve argued against sympathy for Kavinsky just recently, from the perspective that he’s not written sympathetically in the first place. There’s also a great post with comparisons between Kavinsky’s portrayal and the antihero protagonist in the All for the Game series. People seem not to differentiate between the antiheroes who’re written sympathetically and given proper redemption arcs and those who aren’t, except to say the ones without an arc were robbed, somehow. A lot of readers go beyond being moved to pity for the character and identify with their pain, which is understandable. Many of the geeks who read genre fiction probably have plenty of experience with feeling pathetic, left behind, unfairly maligned and so on, so there’s plenty of room for projection. However, they lack self-awareness in realizing this means they’re now bound to misread the entire story, because they’re no longer apt to align their sympathies with the actual heroes. 

Basically, a lot of misunderstandings and claims of authorial bias happen because people can no longer process a story as intended, by over-identifying and thus sympathizing with the pathetic antagonist. Note, there’s a difference between a pathetic and a sympathetic antihero, and it’s important to understand if you’re interested in following the narrative in the first place.

Specifically about Kavinsky, a lot of people point to his implied tragic backstory, and/or the sympathy the narrative should have shown for the possible trauma involved. I get pretty frustrated with that. First of all, the way I read ‘The Dream Thieves’ strongly implied that Kavinsky did a lot of unforgivable, dark shit as much or more than having it happen to him. He chose this. Give the guy some agency. This erasure of agency is something no one tolerates for the heroic protagonists, to the point where many people in fandom refuse to understand the concept of ‘extenuating circumstances’ for them. And yet somehow it frequently goes out the window for traumatized antiheroes. I also think I’m particularly frustrated ‘cause I’ve always thought of myself as having a huge soft spot for just that sort of misguided, unloved and problematic character. I don’t romanticize them, but I feel for them. I root for the underdog. I get invested. I do all these things. I am all these things. So I take it a bit personally when people make pity and entitlement-based arguments masquerading as empathy-based arguments.

The other reason I get frustrated is ‘cause I do the ‘what if’ thing, that old ‘but it could have been glorious’ argument like this one about Ronan/Kavinsky. That’s me. That’s the sort of thing I’ve said about Harry/Draco and even Heero/Duo (about whom I shouldn’t have to argue, because they’re both good guys who’re still young, who haven’t messed up that badly and haven’t finished growing in any case). Think of the possibilities! Why not grow into a glorious future? Why not choose hope? Why not believe people can change? Why not believe love can change you?  I’m not even sure what’s different here, except I’m certain it is different.

Harry & Draco and Heero & Duo (and Adam & Ronan) have all paid their dues. It’s not about one character rescuing the other. They struggle together, they help each other, and they need each other, but they each have an arc in this scenario. And like I said in my earlier Kavinsky post, a redemption arc isn’t an entitlement. It’s always a possibility, yes. But it’s not an indiscriminate process. It has to fit. It has to be fought for. Sacrificed for. Both Adam and Ronan are portrayed as fundamentally different from Kavinsky, basically.

The thing I love about Adam Parrish is that he’s always striving. He’s trying to prove himself. This is a quality he shares with a lot of Slytherin types, from Draco and Snape to Loki, or Tyrion Lannister in The Game of Thrones. These are all characters who’ve been on the ‘losing side’ for a long portion of their life, and they try to do something about it (something that usually involves more mistakes), but you can sympathize. It’s not enough that they were wronged, though. It’s not that I’d sympathize automatically just because a character goes dark after being wronged. That kind of narrative is all too common. The thing is-- the whole secret here-- is that any old villain thinks it’s Not Their Fault. 

It’s never their fault, is it?

Of course they’re the injured party. If that’s all you need to empathize and over-identify, then you’re creating your own prison along with the antihero in question. Then you’re just always going to be identifying with the so-called victim, full stop, and that’s a dark path in and of itself. It’s a small hop, skip and a jump from that into the moral quagmire these characters wind up in, because the dark choices they make are all about them. Who wronged them. What’s best for them.

By contrast, the best characters, the sympathetic ones, are not defined entirely by their trauma. They may think they’re unlikeable, or unknowable, or untouchable, but they still do some good in their life, they still want to achieve something constructive, and they’re still capable of love in spite of themselves. There’s still some core of them that’s untainted, that’s genuinely vulnerable, human and just a bit hopeful. They keep their eyes on the skies, not locked in with their inner darkness. That’s what works for me. They’re fighting for the future, even if they think it’s probably hopeless. That’s the ‘hero’ part of antihero.

This is not the same thing as wreaking revenge, like Kylo Ren or Kavinsky after Ronan rejected him. He didn’t have to do that. Ronan never did, and he went through some pretty bad shit himself, and has a lot of the same tendencies (as we know). There’s a difference between fighting for something and just succumbing to destruction. Destruction is an ugly thing. Of course, it’s a pitiful thing, too. It’s a natural part of humanity, a part of grief and rage that can be inevitable. But as a state of being, though, it’s static and unsympathetic. It’s movement that I like. If a character isn’t moving, my sympathy for their pain soon evaporates. They have to be running to something, away from something; they have to change.

One major reason I grew to love Adam as I read The Raven Cycle is because of his arc; you get the sense he’s always growing. He’s always changing. With Draco Malfoy (whom I adored), this was more of a potential than a reality in the books, so his story was a lot more frustrating except for the movement we got in ‘The Half-Blood Prince’. We did get a piece of the growth I think the character was capable of there. I understood, though. It was Harry’s story, so Draco was always an afterthought, more or less. I’ve accepted and made peace with this. I’m a Draco fan, but I actually sympathize with JK Rowling saying that Draco fans romanticize and victimize him too much. As written, Draco is more potential than reality, and a completed story that doesn’t explore that potential has effectively defined itself. 

There’s no point to responding to the story you wish was there instead. You can imagine alternative paths for the character, but they’re not actually real; you don’t get to argue that the author somehow robbed you-- or the character. 

Does the actual Draco Malfoy in the actual Harry Potter books deserve redemption? Well, he hasn’t done anything that awful; he was just an ineffectual bully who was merely manipulated into killing Dumbledore. He’s a pitiful figure, but no, he doesn’t have enough of an arc or enough evidence of an inner life to say he’s got a ‘heart of gold’, fanon aside. He’s just human, so he makes some positive choices-- he cares about his family, and does protect Harry from Voldemort to a minor degree. Beyond that, there’s absolutely no substitute for good characterization, and an actual canon arc. We can see Adam and Ronan’s interior slowly revealed throughout four books; with Draco, we barely got to the point The Raven Cycle got to in one book. Even with Snape, who doesn’t have a heart of gold either, at least there’s more genuine attention to interiority. While you can fill in the blanks, I’ve never felt like fighting the writer and the writing to do so after all is said and done. I’m not going to try to love a character in spite of the way he’s written; that seems pointless.

I do love Draco for who he is-- a slippery, whiny little shit who’s clearly desperate for attention and overwhelmed by the expectations placed upon him. I don’t need pity to appreciate a lively, if problematic, character. I do acknowledge that fandom is a wonderful place, where you can explore the potential backstories and give characters like Draco or Kavinsky (whatever their differences) the redemption arcs they didn’t get in canon. That’s a good thing. But that’s a separate thing from claiming the canon wronged them somehow. The canon was telling its own story, that has a logic and a rationale. Understanding this is important to understanding the rationale behind all the other characterizations involved, so I certainly wish the antihero fans took more of an interest. Alas....