#it's just quite funny to me how many different religions

[illogarithmil]

One day my fellow historians will achieve their ultimate triumph and demonstrate that polytheism has never existed, we've all been transcendental monotheists forever and we still are actually (sorry neopagans :( )

[unabashednightmarepizza]

A/N: Okay I have been playing Genshin for quite some time now, and I'm sure my eyes are hurting like a bitch, but this is a quick idea( and also a short story of a series I'm writing) since I have been reading SAGAU and Creator!Reader works a lot!

Everyone thought, just like Creator!Reader did who played Genshin for hours and built the characters, that Mondstadt would be home. With the jolly people and freedom coursing through the air, and with Venti being the Spirit of Freedom, everyone would listen at least. You were just as terrrified yet also happy and confused as anyone could be, surely they wouldn't execute you, right?

Wrong, so painfully wrong.

Instead Creator!Reader was hunted down blindlessly, who only entered the city with a big smile but left it as soon as possible with a horrified look.

But instead... Razor and Bennett found the Creator!Reader, shivering in the cold with- Was that golden blood?

Razor, since he was raised by wolves, didn't have an exact understanding of the Creator but he listened to his family talk about Them, how they thanked Them with their howls for the food and family and shelter given to them and how they praised the Golden Blood of yours to keep flowing through your very being so that one day, you would come back to Teyvat.

Therefore he knew who you were but Bennett?

Poor boy grew up with the stories of yours! How you created new worlds where there were many different creatures, magic and every kind of ores... Or how you gifted them with many new weaponary and such, how you gave them life and what they have built so far.

How you let them live in peace through their Archon.

So, to see your body covered in Gold blood with a terrified look, their first reaction was to jump up and warm you immediately, patching up any wounds so that their Creator didn't suffer anymore.

But whatever the people must have done to you, had messed you up pretty bad because you, The Creator of All, whimpered in fear and pain, still shaking with your hands up defensively.

"P-Please don't hurt m-me... I swear I didn't mean t-to..."

So, that was how you were coddled up by these two babies while they wondered with rage coursing through them that who did this to you. They weren't stupid, since they were close to their City, they knew it was them and couldn't help but feel shame for their actions. Everyone had been expecting your arrival for quite some time, preparing feasts and what they would say to you in person and then they just...

Blinded by fake religion and ideas, tried to kill you.

How funny Teyvat was more like Earth than you ever imagined?

And they didn't even want to know what would have happened to Teyvat, how angry the Winds and the ground would be at the people for killing the Divine One.

You were still aprehensive as normal, not used to the kindness they were showing you but watching as Razor bring you a very pretty shaped stone with a happy grin and offered it as a token of friendship, you couldn't bring yourself to break his heart as one of the many wolves in his family laid around you protectively.

You asked why he was doing this, when he had no understanding of who you were, when his people were hunting you, but the only answer you got was a confused tilt of his head and a soft spoken,

"You are my lupical and I want you to be happy... They are not my people, they were wrong."

Now Bennett didn't know if he should correct Razor since he was actually talking to their Creator, warn him about not to refer to you so casually, but the big and wide smile on your face as you hugged them thightly to yourself with tears in your eyes which held the stars warmed them both so affectionately and lovingly that they knew you needed this.

You needed to have friends, not worshippers.

And as they, alongside with the Traveller, Klee, Albedo( who was glad he was pulled here by Klee and help you) and Amber who was convinced of who you were by the wounds you had and how you literally breathed life into one of the many burned and ruined forest and was horrified at learning what the Mondstadt did, healed you back and helped you hide, that was when you realized that you did a good job by loving those four and building them up as much as possible.

But those traits weren't the only ones who convinced them. It was how you saw Amber's ambition and praised her for having such a strong dedication to her job to which she bashfully thanked you and cried softly because how kind and generous you were to them even when your life was in danger.

And you didn't forget to tell Lumine to let others deal with commissions and errands, to give herself a rest, with a huge amount of Mora you really didn't know where you got from but was just inside your pouch ( since I chose her and believe the Twins need to hear this) and also about what was going on with her brother and promised to explain more in depth after you were safe to which she held your hand in her warm and calloused ones softly and answered with don't worry about us, Your Grace. Just focus on your life and that's all the gift that you can give to me.

But as much as they loved to have you here and listen to your world and jokes, they also knew you couldn't stay here for much longer. Yes, the forest was big ( and the nature seemed to be hellbent on protecting you) but they knew the Knights wouldn't stop until they got you.

What a surprise that the Crux came to the City, with a frantic Kazuha searching everywhere in the dock for what the Wind whispered to him.

"Our Creator needs help. Help them. Save them."

And that was how you started to wander the streets of Liyue with Kazuha next to you, also hellbent on protecting you especially after seeing the state you were in. The City was literally glowing, and no it wasn't because of the lanterns but you, The Divine Creator who stepped in the City which was raised and built in your name.

He knew there was a famous pharmacy named Bubu Pharmacy and the owner of it was able to heal pretty much every kind of this disease, so he took you there in hopes that the fever you had been suffering from could be solved there.

And it was.

Baizhu, as the usual self-sacrificing man he was, did everything in his power to help you. You knew how his hands were already full with both his own disease and Qiqi who quickly grew on you since she has been playing with you and telling you all about what she learnt about the herbs and the City( she couldn't explain why but she just felt so close to you, as if you were like a parent to her which her caretaker also shared kind of the same love for you) and you were grateful for what they had done to you, how kind they were.

They had shown you the kindness you expected to have when you first arrived, and it wasn't given by other.

Not the most known ones, but the kindest of them all did.

So, as a token, you touched the hand of Baizhu softly one day while he worked to pack you herbs and medicine you might need, stopping him and asking him why he was doing this when he casually( though his heart was beating hard at having you touch hım so softly) replied with a I'm a doctor and you needed help.

You looked at him for some time, then a smile so bright that it made the doctor take a while to stare at you softly overtook your face and you replied You're so strong for carrying such a burden like your disease but still help people, Baizhu.

That was when his suspicions about who you were was proven, since he never told about his disease to anyone (after realizing the golden wounds and how he seemed healthier in your presence) and he immediately went to kneel but was stopped by your gentle hands on his face, rubbing soft circles under his tired yet wide open in shock eyes, his heart almost giving out when your lips touched his forehead softly and blessed hım with your warmth.

Never bow to me, thank you for all you had done for me... Now, let me pay back.

After healing him back and yet once again running away from Liyue so that you weren't hunted down, making the Crux the enemy to Liyue since they were helping you (not that they cared, they loved being pampered by the True God with love, luck and food), a certain sea monster and the eartqueaks of Liyue almost destroyed the whole City for their disrespect so much so that Zhongli had to come back as Rex Lapis and he wasn't even able to stop it until the Wind carried your soft words to Liyue and Osial and made them stop.

Don't punish and destroy them, they don't deserve it...

-- A similar situation happened back in Mondstadt when Dvalin caused chaos after learning what they had done to Divine Creator, roasting the shit out of Venti for his mistake but also was stopped by your gentle caress even from Miles away, to stop hım from harming them. He gave them their lesson anyways, he only needed to find you to protect you as he left the people of Mondstadt in Terror and fear for what they had done.

The "they" in question was obviously the Crux, Baizhu, Qiqi, Xiangling and Shenhe who showed their love and care for you, who was logical enough to listen to you and see the truth for themselves. Xiangling who made you many delicious food you never ate before, Shenhe who was comforted by you about how she wasn't a cursed child and was loved dearly by everyone and most importantly you as she cried into your chest, who believed in her purpose to fit in with humans even with her tendencies, which you found to be a beautiful part of her...( not me reflecting my Shenhe love here ehe ｡⁠◕⁠‿⁠◕⁠｡)

Asking "why are you doing this?" had become some kind of a test, like those in fairytales in your world, to see who was kind and sincere and who wasn't.

And you used it in many nations: Inazuma, Sumeru, Fontaine...

Inazuma was, of course, the WORST so far since Ei was obsessed with Eternity and the Creator, not even listening at all. But even if she didn't, the Kamisato siblings, Kokomi, Gorou, and Thoma believed in you from the very beginning, with many others soon following after them.

Ayaka and Kokomi were the first ones, with Ayaka seeing the sadness in your eyes at how restricted you were, how no one seemed to believe in you and how Inazuma seemed calmer and more happy as soon as you arrived( and how you reassured her to be herself and not live according to what people would say which made her love you and convince her brother to listen, who was glad she did if not... Well, he didn't want to imagine it.) and Kokomi hearing the whispers of the ocean who was the happiest, who cheered for you and didn't stop chanting your name, which lead her to see it for herself and welcome you to Watatsumi Island as the God she worshipped. Who was also praised by you for her smartness and how she worked hard for the Island even if her career plan wasn't this, but was warned to not to overwork which she blushed at and assured Creator!Reader.

Not surprisingly enough, Sumeru was the kindest to you since Nahida knew who you were even before coming to her nation and greeted you herself excitedly, showing you around as her people( Yes, even Tighnari and Al-Haitham who was known to be stern) smiled and offered you a new home.

Fontaine was probably the happiest you had been, after Sumeru, to stay. Furina, as much as she didn't believe in herself, saw right through you and knew who you were, providing you with utmost care and protection ever alonsgide Neuvillette who always hang around you, protected you and even became your friend! Maybe it was the dragon instincts in him, once the closest to you like Zhongli but also one who wasn't blinded like him, as he stayed with you when your fears and nightmares became too much to bear.

Who knew, maybe something more would happen?

And after all the nations realized their mistake, after you defeated Celestia and came to a peace with It, and restored Khaenri'ah who always believed in you from the beginning even years ago, they feared the punishment waiting for them. They didn't want to accept their mistake, blame Celestia for all of it... But they also knew they were blinded by hard and unlogical belief and almost did the most unforgivable sin ever.

They were ready for any punishment from you, even if it included never seeing you again...

But the only answer to their question was a letter written by you, which made them shiver.

The only reason none of the nations who wronged me are not punished severely was because of the names listed below. Shall any harm come to them, your nation would see the true wrath of the Creator.

Thank you to Razor, Bennet, Amber, Klee, Albedo and dear Traveller from Mondstadt.

Thank you to Baizhu, Qiqi, Xiangling, Shenhe, the Crux, Beidou and Kazuha from Liyue

Thank you to Kamisato Ayato and Kamisato Ayaka, Thoma, Gorou, Kokomi from Inazuma.

Thank you to Sumeru, Khaenri'ah, Fontaine and Natlan people for their never ending kindness and belief.

Eternal gratitude and blessings from the Creator, who you helped to gain confidence and power...

[marlenesluv]

Lessons (LN) - Part 1

Summary: Madelyn makes her big move to Monaco, hoping to get a fresh start in her career, and her love life.

Pairing: Madelyn Fewtrell x Lando Norris

Warnings for this part: Language and mentions of losing virginity. (Not spell checked)

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Note: This series is new, so if there are errors in timeline with F1, excuse it lol! If you would like to be tagged, please comment on this post and I'll add you to the tag list for only this series!

Madelyn loved her home. 'Home' was a difficult word, though. Her brother, Max, use to be a race car driver. During this time, their family moved quite a bit in order to help Max's career.

Madelyn moved to Malaysia and Singapore, both places extremely beautiful and welcoming of her and her family. Malaysia was more like home, making her learn the culture, religion, and the people.

When she turned 15, Max retired. His mental health wasn't doing well, and he was tired. Everyone supported his decision, knowing it wasn't an easy one to make. Some "fans" and interviewers were harsh on him, but he did his best to disappear for a bit and enjoy his family and friends.

And two years ago, in 2022, Max met Pietra Pilao, his girlfriend of now two years. She loved Pietra. She was funny, sweet, and always there for you to talk and hangout with. But it made Madelyn sad, sad that she didn't have a person like Max did.

His sister envied how he could tell her anything, how often they hung out, how she was there for him, and he was there for her. Max loved Pietra, and Pietra loved Max. Anyone could see how in love they were.

Madelyn, however, seemed to be in a life long dry spell. Never had a boyfriend, only sad excuses for dates. She'd never had sex, never experienced what seemed like every other teenager had.

She needed a reset, and a major one.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

"You have everything packed?" Max asked his younger sister, watching as she rolled her eyes and unplugged her phone from his charger in his car.

"Yes, dad, I have everything."

Max scoffed, annoyed with her attitude. She was impatient to get to Monaco. Of course he was happy for her, but he'd miss her.

Max adored his amazing relationship with his sister, not many siblings had a good bond. He would miss the lunches, random walks, and family dinners.

Pietra would miss her too. Quickly, the two became the best of friends. They clicked as soon as Max introduced them after five months of dating and nagging from Pietra about wanting to meet Max's "adorable younger sister." Her words.

"I'm just making sure. And you're sure that Lando confirmed that all your things arrived at his house?" Madelyn nodded, ready to hop on her flight.

And yeah, Lando....

She'd known Lando since she was little. He was Max's childhood best friend, the one person in the world, minus Pietra and Madelyn, that Max would take a bullet for.

After she had graduated from college with her Journalism degree four months ago, she decided that she needed to move.

A reset is what she had been telling everyone. But in her mind, this reset was permanent. The girl didn't want to ever move back to the UK. Not because she hated it, she just wanted something different.

And when Max had mentioned this to Lando, he quickly offered for the sister of his best friend to move in. Lando explained how he had a spare room, and that he was gone for races anyway. He wanted someone to house sit, and he trusted her.

After two weeks of non-stop planning and packing, she was here: ready to jump out of her brother's car and run to her terminal.

"Okay, Max, I need to go. I love you." Madelyn said, unbuckling and getting out as Max laughed, "I love you too. Text me when you-" He was cut off by his door slamming and the sight of his sister running through the crowd and into the airport.

"-land. Whatever, fuck me then. Enjoy Monaco you little menace." Max muttered to himself as he put the car in drive and began his drive back home.

Madelyn, on the other hand, was sprinting. She only had herself, a backpack, and her ticket and passport. All her things were already at Lando's- well... her's now, too.

After she got through security and chugged an iced coffee, her flight began to board, and the only thing on her mind was the beautiful view in Monaco, her new Journalism job, and moving in.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

There she stood, staring at the door of Lando's apartment. She was nervous, but not sure why. She had seen Lando a thousand times over, always her brother's annoying best friend.

But this felt different. She hadn't seen him for four years. Once she started college, she began a new part of her life. One where she went to Yale and lived in the States with friends all whilst getting a degree.

He had to have changed, maybe a little. But in her mind, he would always be Lando Norris, the boy who would break her Barbie's- holy shit.

"Were you planning on knocking, or just staring at the door?" Lando asked, leaning on the doorframe as Madelyn's eyebrows raised.

Lando had changed, he had changed a lot. His hair grew in curlier after he buzzed it, the curls bouncing and gleaming. His skin even tanner if that was possible. Lando's muscles were now triple the size, his biceps flexed on the frame as he smirked.

"U-um, no, just thinking." Madelyn said, cringing at her short and shitty response.

"Thinking about?" He questioned, tilting his head as he watched her bit her lip and take a deep breath. "Nothing, none of your business. Can I come in?" She rushed out, releasing a shaky breath.

Lando stepped to the side, allowing her to walk through the door frame as he shut the door behind her.

Madelyn sighed, setting her backpack down as a confused look passed through her face.

"What?" Lando asked.

"Where's my stuff?"

Lando nodded, "Follow me, Mads." Mads. That name had her flashing back. Usually, she preferred to be called Madelyn, her name. But her friends and family would call her Maddy. Mads was reserved for Lando, and Lando alone.

Madelyn followed Lando to a room, both of them pausing in front of the door as he began to speak, "This is your room, I took it upon myself to put some of your things up. Everything is moveable if you hate it." He announced, then opening the bedroom door, allowing her to take it in.

The room itself was simple. The walls were a green color, with wood floors and a white ceiling. A beautiful gold chandelier hung, the bed freshly made with new sheets. She took notice to her plushies and blankets on the bed. The bookcase in her room empty, and next to it were her boxes of books.

Lando noticed her looking at the books, "Oh, I didn't want to put the books up. I know how particular you are about them." He stuck his tongue in his cheek, a little nervous for his reaction.

"Lando, I- I love this room. Thank you, you have no idea how much this means to me." Madelyn smiled at Lando, making him blush a bit.

"No problem. Why don't you get settled in, hm? Maybe get dressed because tonight, I'm going to show you how Formula 1 drivers have fun." Lando winked, leaving her room and shutting the door behind himself.

Madelyn, stood there, confused and excited. This was exactly what she needed. And who knows? Maybe she'd find a guy to take her virginity. This was Monaco, after all. The options had to be good.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

This was a short first part, I’m aware, lol. I wanted a little introductory. Please comment if you want to be tagged in future parts!

(reposts, comments, and likes are appreciated!^-^)

[starlightbooklove]

Ok, I finally saw Journey to Bethlehem and I can't begin to express how much I loved it, I'm a very difficult person to like a full musical, which is why movies like west side story and in the heights I only liked a few songs, like as movies in general they are good, but not to my personal taste.

Furthermore, the Christian film market usually ranges from very similar, commercial and honestly boring films, to 'reinterpretations' that remove plots and things that do not go at all with the Original material So I wasn't too confident in how good the trailer looked but I was willing to give it a look, thank goodness I did.

As a Christian who was raised in the church with a Christian family, my view of religion was quite Biased by their way of looking at it Which wasn't bad, but I was focused on the religious point of view sometimes excessively, so over time as I grew up and got to know the world around me, I moved away from that, And then after I grew up I returned to wanting to learn for myself without biased opinions about the Bible and to be able to understand it and really feel what everyone said they felt.

And so I came to the conclusion that You can save your self a Lot of time, if you just read the bible as what it is: a book, full of human people with a lot of imperfections, murky, miraculous, heartbreaking, crazy, steamy and even funny (yes, I'm not lying) stories. Religion, so focused on an idea that sometimes not even the Bible itself shares, forgets the human part that fills the stories, which is not very described in it either, but that one can easily interpret.

And thanks to this, criticism of Christians is very well founded on several occasions, and many people have the mistaken idea that the Bible is a 'holy book of holy people'.

That there is nothing more false, the book is holy or is different, unique and/or sacred because of how it was written and because of the stories that happen in it And how accompanied by prayer and the real desire to want to know, you can learn a lot no matter how many times you read it, not because of the people who lived them.

Who were they, let me tell you the test of God's patience.

Do you know Moses? The dude who divided the sea (by God's guidance), did you knew that (this one's funny), thanks to the people he brought out of Egypt after the plagues and that he have to spend 40 years with them in the desert? 🙃 no, it's not a joke and no, it's not an interpretation, literally thanks to the almost constant disobedience of the Israelis after being liberated they were punished with that, and the worst thing is that God had reasons, and I'll give you an example of that, these people decided to worship a damn golden cow that they built Because Moses had taken a long time to return from talking to God (when he went to look for the commandments ironically) less than a year after being freed by God from slavery.

Moses broke the first tables of commandments out of anger, and had to go look for them again, I repeat, no, I'm not playing, this is how it happened in the Bible And it was not only for this reason that they had to stay, it was a list of things that these people did, having as a testimony and example just by being free, still had Incredible faith problems.

The generation that left Egypt never saw or lived in the promised land, the only one who saw it out of mercy was Moses, but it was the descendants who managed to enter the promised land.

Haaa, bet you didn't knew that..

So, as you can see, no, not holy and/or perfect people at all. You might wonder, what does this have to do with the movie? And I will answer you, sorry, i got inspired, but the thing is, this is basically the context of why I liked it so much.

Journey to Bethlehem, it is the story of the birth of Jesus if we remove the religion and the holy holy beautiful peacefull look that some churches like to sell, and start to unite our 4 neurons and think about what, humanly, those people thought and did under the context of that time With fire songs, good performances, very good acting, and Milo (I'm not going to elaborate, I'll just say that I gained a tremendous crush on this man lmao)

And I want to list my favorite points from this in the movie.

-The representation of Mary

Arguably my favorite part of the movie, like, this woman really made me feel what it must have been like for her to carry the son of God.

Because N1: Mary is painted as this woman rejoicing in the news that she will become pregnant overnight when she is engaged, not married, in a patriarchal society With around 1000 laws about what you can and cannot do and the things you cannot do are punishable by death, One of them being being pregnant or having a child out of marriage 🙃🤭 what a blessing right?

And N2: For years Mary has been said to be holy and worshiped when she probably wouldn't approve of that herself, since she grew up with scriptures that said they couldn't worship idols. And they made her an idol. Something to make clear is that the only holy human, biblically speaking, is Jesus. Mary was a virgin, not a saint, she had more children with her husband after having Jesus, she had a life beyond him.

And this movie brings that out, it makes the most of it and I love it.

It shows what a struggle it must have been for her to have such a burden on her, she was young (in those days people married young), perhaps a teenager, Yes, they were raised differently and at the end of the day he was about to get married, but still, as I said, the Bible leaves out a lot of the human factor.

It can say that it passes a beginning and an end but it does not give you the means to connect both parts In the Bible, Mary respectfully accepts the news that she is going to have a baby, and the film respects that, but Mary was human, you know the fear and absolute madness must cause that an angel to appear to you out of nowhere and tell you that you are going to have a son who is going to be savior and king and then disappear (appreciation for the angel Gabriel btw My man would be me if i was an angel lmao) How the hell do you explain that to your parents? To your fiancé, no matter how versed everyone was in the scriptures, no one, NO ONE thought Jesus was going to be born from a humble virgin, Literally part of the reason (spoiler alert lmao) Jesus was killed was because no one believed that the king they were waiting for was a simple carpenter who was born in a manger. This probably included Mary herself, certainly her parents, and much more, Joseph. And she knew it, of course she knew it, she knew it was true but she had to know how hard it was to believe it and how much trouble she could get into for being pregnant. It's kind of expected that Mary would have doubts, rightly so which is why I love love the song "mother to a savior and king" i just feel that it had to be exactly what she thought.

... Give me eyes to see

Just how I can be

Carrying your son when I need You

To carry me

...Should a miracle feel like an anchor

Bringing shame upon my family

This burden is too heavy

I need strength to be

A mother to a savior and king

... You said, "Do not fear"

So Lord, if you are here

Help me have the faith you have in me

Give me eyes to see just how I can be

Mother to a savior

When I need saving

Like aaaa Chills, literal chills And I love it because it doesn't occur to people how society must have seen Mary, we see it as a blessing because we know how it all ended, but they didn't know. And they lived in a very very different society, if everyone had found out, they would have stoned Mary, that is the reality that they don't talk much about at Christmas.

Another fact that I liked is that Mary had to travel, traveling in this time does not imply the same as traveling in that time, with her 9 months of pregnancy (Because she gave birth as soon as she arrived in Bethlehem) on a donkey 🙃🙃🙃🙃 I don't think I have to elaborate much, i love how they portrayed here. You can say people knew how things were, they were used to it, yes, but Maria had never been pregnant and no matter how adapted you are to something, You can't erase the physical challenge of traveling with a giant belly in those conditions.

And let's not even talk about the birth, where they were in the city that: it was full of soldiers seeking to kill her and her baby, they broadcast the news that they would be killing babies and pregnant mothers In search of finding her, which is why they did not find asylum and had to go to a stable.

I think with the idea of ​​☺️ ah, Jesus was born in a manger ☺️We forget that 💀 oh, Jesus was born in a manger 💀 I don't know about you, but I think that is not the ideal place to give birth And yet the representations of that are so sugar coated We literally have a song called "Silent Night" tell me, explain to me what part of giving birth where the animals and their excrement are because an entire army is chasing you trying to kill you, sounds like a peaceful night????

Another detail is that Joseph (who I am obviously going to talk about) logically had to act as midwife for Mary, because no one was with them, no one wanted to be with them, that sounds like a horror story honestly, and no, I'm not taking away from how beautiful the whole purpose of Jesus is and everything is.

I am only pointing out the facts, which are raw and very Real about a situation like this, this was the reality as it is written, the Bible leaves things out But the rawness in several acts is never lacking.

One last thing to add is that I was afraid at first that they would portray Mary as a feminist ahead (by centuries) of her time But in an annoying and very political way because of how the movie started, And that they were going to make her not want the pregnancy and make it as if they had violently forced her, thank God that didn't happen, i loved her, The actress did a tremendous job interpreting her with personality without losing the respect (that is noted in the Bible) Mary had for God and the giant task she was given, and I actually liked that twist That perhaps Mary and Joseph did not know each other before they got engaged, which would not be unusual at that time. And that Mary said at the beginning of the movie that she believed she was destined for bigger things 🙃.They give more personality to this icon that we all have of her and I love it.

-The representation of Joseph

Starting with the fact that I have a big fat crush now on Milo Mannheim thanks to him (not important at all actually)

I think everyone, whether Christian or not, knows that Joseph is a secondary character every time the story of Jesus' birth is mentioned, even invisible I dare say. And I was always curious because of how he leaves after he is born in the Bible, it is simply not mentioned again and this is why I think there is this kind of unconscious belief that Jesus only had one parental figure and that was Mary.

When this can easily be contradicted by the little information we have in the Bible; Joseph was known as Joseph the carpenter, and who ended up being a carpenter? (Flashbacks to Sabrina lmao) Jesus, No matter how holy and amazing he was, Jesus grew up having to learn things, he wasn't born knowing, and obviously Mary didn't teach him how to work with wood so it's pretty logical to think that his stepfather (idk How to call it) taught him. That even if we leave this out (which is after the birth of Jesus) Joseph was THE man ok And this is with biblical foundation, he believed Mary and decided to continue with the wedding despite how crazy it all sounded, he helped her during the trip to Bethlehem, ALONE, he had to practically attend the birth

And the film captures that so, so well, I have no words to describe how impressed and excited I was to see how they highlighted so many things that I knew because yk, they are in the Bible but I hadn't been aware of noticing before.

How difficult it must have been for him to make the decision to believe Mary (which, let's be honest, takes a lot of faith to believe something like that) To follow her, and his song, my God, his song is so good. It's perfect for showing a morally gray human decision and the way he delivered that presentation ugh I just feel from my heart that it was exactly what Joseph thought. Cause:

I'm completely torn in two

Half of me believes her,

while the other half needs proof

This was no inmaculate conception

Just the ultimate deception

Gilty to the bone we should have her stoned now

Wait don't you throw your stoned no don't yoy judge her i look into her eyes i think i love her

I just 🫠🫠🫠 Jesus Christ

You don't come out of that movie without half falling for Joseph and that's something I never imagined saying in my life lmao

It was a very human way, full of personality and commitment, to portray the character. beyond the attractiveness of both the actor and the goofy personality they gave him. They gave it this degree of seriousness and part of the story that shows very clearly what they themselves say in the film and that is that God did not choose only Mary, She couldn't do everything she had to do alone, and among those things was raising a child that was given to her overnight and that she had to carry for nine months, and that does not deviate from history even though there are those who say no, it is written but I think it needed the human interpretation for people to see it, as I feel that they need with many stories from the bible. They definitely took their liberty to create the love story and I'm not complaining, I never thought at all that there must have been a lot of love both between them and for God for them to be able to go through all of that, And I like to believe that if it was like that, the love they had for each other, because only someone who loves another person so much is willing to go through all that, cause very easily Joseph could receive confirmation from God that what Mary said was true and say well, that's not my problem, but he decided to take responsibility with her, Which shows why God chose them, so yes, it has its freedoms but I don't think it is essentially far from reality.

Herodes

O. M. GOOOOODDD.

Antonio Banderas ate with his performance because damn I could feel the arrogance, the complete pleasure that those kings had for being rich and powerful, with that man And he didn't have much screen time, despite how comical he gets at times he manages to show how dangerous Herod was.

That, they didn't show it but that man ordered babies and pregnant mothers to be killed in the end, just for fear that they would take away his throne and his power, out of complete caress. And Antonio showed a funny and iconic man but also dangerous and capable of that and, and also they gave him the best song.

And i'm not Even joking, 'good to be king' is what Disney tried (and failed) to do with "Wish", It has all the magic and that lyricism that shows rough and raw things with incredible music That sticks to you despite how bad the bad guy is, from the villain songs of Disney's 2D movies, It's at the level of "poor unfortunate souls" and the Interpretation, God It's one of the best parts of the movie, weeks go by and I still can't get it out of my head

Finally, the relationship of Mary and Joseph.

I feel that all our lives, after thousands of times telling us the story of the birth of Jesus, the relationship of Mary and Joseph never had any importance beyond their role in the birth. So I loved the representation of that here, the way they took this theme of a planned marriage, which could very easily have been a reality, Along with the human and emotional reaction that these people must have had at the time, they give life and depth to Mary and Joseph, with the pros and cons.

With how difficult it was but also how strong they must have been as a couple to carry out the huge task they had, it made me see it from a more human point of view and give more value to their relationship.

They took their liberties, there are things that are super funny and have that absurd touch, but it is a story full of a lot of respect for the source, and full of a wonderful and human interpretation of of this great story, You don't feel it is religious, because it isn't, the music isn't just there and they are all very good (something that doesn't happen with all musicals).

And it is simply beautiful, it is made with love and it shows, they took advantage of every penny of their budget and put out this piece of art that I feel everyone should see for Christmas And that I would like to tattoo permanently on my brain lmao.

Go watch it, it's absolutely worth it.

If you made it this far, thank you for reading my entire almost essay of the movie, I hope you find your Joseph in life🫶😂

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Wibta if I told my friend, upfront, I do not want his toxic partners in my campaign party without specifying why?

Everyone in this is 22+

So I (22NB) have been working on a campaign for at least 3 years now. I used dnd as a base and built off it to make my own world, races, mechanics, massive maps, religions, languages etc. This will be a massive campaign with highlights on religion and dealing with gods as a mortal etc and I've put so many hours into it it isn't even funny. I mean shit, I picked music for different areas depending on if it's day or night.

I made a discord server to house most of the basic info my players would need from table rules to the races and beyond. I mainly had the idea that the party would consist of my dmnpc guide (he doesn't fight or break the game, his only action during fighting is the help action and guide the party. Im not an asshole dm who makes my guide the protagonist. If its important, death doesn't really exist in my campaign due to demi-god race stuff, the party just gets sent back to its last save point with my grumpy man guide saying I told you so.), my partner's character (24f)(she dosent get preferential treatment. We've been together for 8 yrs) and my best bud's character (22tm. Been friends for 8 yrs). I never said I specifically only wanted my partner and friend to be party members but it was implied due to the fact I never invited my friends partners to the discord. I just don't really have many friends and this is the first time I've ever dm-ed period, let alone dming my own homebrew. We're all pretty novice newbie players and I think it'll be fun for us to stumble through the game together in a much less complicated form of DND without seasoned players "um actually-"ing us the whole time.

My partner is excited to try and my friend is ecstatic and about 2 years into development (last November) he asked if I could let his partners join the campaign. There're a few issues with this beyond me not really knowing them and not wanting to run a large party (it's hard for seasoned dms to run a 4+ party, let alone I, a fresh infant of a dm). My friend has 3 partners of his (he has 4 total) he wants to introduce to my campaign, this includes (fake names): Mel(24nb), Sandy (mid 20s f) and Rue (23 tw). I have issues with each individual present and it all stems from me sitting in on a different campaign for a single session. See, my friend has his own campaign (much smaller, follows one story in one town on an island instead of my entire continent) and he tried to run it by those three partners (and 2 friends. Names and genders unnecessary, they were our age) while I quietly sat in the session (it was over a discord call, were all in differnet states except for me and my partner) and watched it run just to see how my friend dmed and how the groups chemistry was. They had a 3 hour session.

It was the most socially awkward, intense and passive aggressive 3 hours of my life. Mel barely paid attention and as a result, had to have things explained to them when they weren't listening. They would then would talk over the person explaining things, pick apart their language and get irritated to the point of telling them (mostly rue) to shut up. Mel was quite litterally looking for a fight constantly. Sandy was relatively quiet but also not paying attention and talking over other players actions. She also would come up with random "icks " and one minute was telling everyone to keep all sexual jokes and comments to themselves because it made her uncomfortable then the next said her character was literally blowing a guy in the back of tavern.(btw this is not a fetish campaign or anything, it was out of left field for everyone and my friend shut it down because of that) Rue was the "uhm actually" type who pointed out inaccuracies, broken rules and lack of realism (it's a pirate fantasy magic campaign. There isn't much to focus on realism). Rue was clearly the most seasoned player but the nicest all things considered. She was mostly just condescending and treated my friend like he was stupid for not having every single detail mapped out. The party also had 2 of his friends but they were just as quiet as me and also either not paying attention or listening to the shit show. The session litterally ended with Sandy and Mel having the tiniest argument, mel pulling a crying running away anime protagonist "I'm sorry for being just a fucking terrible person! Ill leave so you all can have fun!!" Then hanging up all dramatically. Safe to say, their party was literally every red flag I was warned about by dm guide content.

My friend then came to me and said they broke up with Sandy that night but were still friends and I was still in shock from the sheer toxicity. Did I mention I had only met Sandy and the two other friends that night? And had only spoken over the phone to Mel once in a group call and met rue in person 2 times? Safe to say, I do not want litterally any of his partners in my party for various reasons and I feel as if just one of them at my table would make my patience end on sight. I consider myself to be very flexible and want to do my very best to be a fair but strong dm who doesn't get their story absolutely trampled by players intentionally trying to ruin my story and watch me scramble (mel and sandy openly did that). These players would disrespect my table rules for fun. Even my friend said they never respect him and his story as a DM and he won't run a game with them again and he thinks they'll respect my rule? As a baby dm? Nah fam.

He wants to bring rue and Mel into my campaign and I haven't answered him yet. I've mostly dodged the question with "I'm not sure how big of a party I feel comfortable dming for, I'll know later down the line." And he's asked again, still curious. I don't wanna judge my friends relationships because he and Mel have been together for 5 years and rue has been with him for 2 (they were together previously before rue came out and rue tried to control and physically abuse him. Thats another reason I don't want her in my campaign. Fuck abusers) but the toxicity they would bring would probably poison me. If I bring these things up, idk how my friend would react and he can be a bit... Extreme when he gets defensive. Cutting people off permanently at a moments notice then coming back crying or confused. He has BPD which explains it but I don't obviously wanna say " your partners are low-key toxic and abit abusive and I don't want them at my table or in my life for the most part and although I love you bro(/platonic) I do not want living blowfish at my table that you might not even speak to tomorrow.".

Obviously I wouldn't word it like that but mainly I just plan on saying "Ive never dmed before and I'm nervous about the functionality of my campaign so I want to keep my party nice, small and intimate and only between you, me and my partner for now. Maybe we can incorporate them later." Without mentioning all the... Other stuff and side stepping if he's like "but what if just mel/rue?". Me, my partner and him have been friends awhile so it's not like he'll feel like he's third wheeling or anything and I get he wants his partners to take in his interest, I just do not want them at my table and I wanna know if I'm a dick if I dont specify why and avoid the question. I dont wanna rock the boat and hurt my friends feelings but I'm not gonna ruin the first full run of my pet project so a passive aggressive asshole and a know it all almost abuser can participate. He deserves to know why his partners can't join and I'm not technically lieing, even if they were cool, I don't know if I'd want them there. But they definitely aren't cool and that just seals the coffin for me.

(obviously I'm wording this in a comedic way but everything here actually happened and I mostly just wanna focus on supporting my friend despite his choices. I do not have to like his partners to tolerate them but it's my table and my years of work, if i dont want them there, they dont get to be there. I'm just wondering if I'm a dick for kinda lieing kinda not if I don't give the actual reasons for why I don't want them at my table and never plan on allowing them there. I would happily accommodate 1 or 2 more people at my table in this case if they were close to me like my sister or older brother but I dont know his partners well at all and even though they are passive to me, I dont feel safe around people like that. Wibta?)

What are these acronyms?

[got-ticket-to-ride]

Wanted to know your thoughts on this, but for what I've reading on John it really looks to me he really got worse post Paul and post Beatles, like his saddest songs match the moment he started to have issues with Paul, he wasn't really having much contact with anyone outside Yoko, he wasn't doing much music, he wasn't being that funny either, he even died without being able to fully overcome his heroine addiction (addiction that started in the Beatles fall out right?), and idk i believe his involvement in the whole peace/art movement looked more like an escape (like some people do with religion) than actual interest.

So what you think, was John at his worst after he got out the band and cut his relationship with Paul or was it was always like that?

Hello @lord-pain

thank you for this ask! I hope I'll make sense. I think the White Album was definitely the start of John's "sad songs". Happiness is a Warm Gun, Yer Blues. Subsequently, Dig a Pony sounded so desperate to me and Because which is yeah, post India, post breakup?

There's so many different accounts during that period. Some narrators might be unreliable because you never know who these "historians/journalist/"acquaintances" have their allegiance to.

During the 70s it was said that John was miserable, became a violent drunk (who believed in astrology). He was quite unhappy with how things turned out in his life due to his choices but he was too proud to admit it.

About drugs, Fred Seaman said John stopped with heroin in the last half of the 70s in this video.

Due to differing accounts that are out there, I just concentrate on John, what he wrote lyrically and how clearheaded he was during his last interview. He was trying to be better. I think that is the most important detail despite everything that went down. Also the part where he was going to work with Ringo and had booked a studio with Paul for January 1981.

His activism was partly a distraction for him. Beatle John dabbled in it, but he became very aggressive about politics after the break up. He was anti-religion when he released Imagine (1971). But went back to believing in god when he wrote "Grow Old With Me" (1979?), which I have so much thoughts about but I haven't even had the courage to voice out.

While there are glimpses of John's mental anxiety visible in his song "Help!" (1965)

"Help me if you can, I'm feeling down, and I do appreciate you being 'round",

he was trying to be positive about it as seen in "Strawberry Fields Forever" (1966):

"It's getting hard to be someone but it all works out, It doesn't matter much to me".

And was still holding on during the conception of "Across the Universe" (in February 1968) with his mantra:

"Nothing's gonna change my world",

which I think might've been a result of Paul's engagement in December 1967 to Jane.

Across the Universe (February 1968) > believer God (1970) > anti-religion Imagine (1971) > anti-religion (he made a satire song which I did not include here) Grow Old With Me (1979) > believer

During his alleged break from music from 1975, he was still making home demos and was writing Skywriting by Word of Mouth.

I think John and Paul being apart was just not good for them. The general opinion was that Paul left John and had moved on. (I don't believe that's true). It was John who made the decision to leave, it was this push and pull thing, and Paul continued to reach out to him (and we don't know what happened during all those times they've met up). Some accounts say that John was practically begging for a reunion but then again Paul never stopped reaching out to John (see 1976) so I personally think, regardless of all these details that are out in the open, there is still a missing piece we have not considered yet and that can only be told by Paul himself.

To summarize it, John probably had depression (since his teenage years) but Paul was a constant positive thing in his life that he needed and that had helped him through it, "the girl who came to stay" until something happened...

John Lennon was definitely at his worst without his buddies by his side in the 70s.

[tossawary]

I've only seen 3 episodes of the new "Percy Jackson" show so far and my main complaint with the first two episodes was pacing. I thought the pacing in the third episode was much improved and overall very good, but a lot about the first two episodes felt rushed to me.

I think episodes 1 and 2 both could have been two episodes each to slowly introduce us to Percy, Grover, Sally, Mr. Brunner, Mrs. Dodds and the Minotaur, and then to the Camp, to Annabeth, Luke, Clarisse, the satyrs and the different cabins, etc.. I mean, I think what was there was pretty solid! I like the actors! I don't think it's badly written (I think making Luke show Percy around the camp was a good choice to make later things hit harder, since we will have more time with Annabeth on the quest itself later), but I would have liked more breathing room scenes, like when Percy burned the blue jellybeans, for things to settle in, and I blame the studio for not giving this show a longer season to work with.

As it stands now, the first two episodes felt more intended for existing fans, rather than for onboarding new fans. I feel like a frog being thrown into boiling water instead of the water coming up to a boil around me. If you're not familiar with this religion & lore already, if you don't know who the Twelve Olympians are, the introduction to the Camp doesn't give you much of a foothold, which is quite unfortunate when PJO was many people's introduction to this stuff.

The blue food is not really explained. The tension of the mystery with Mrs. Dodds kind of gets thrown out because it all happens so fast. There's no time to slowly build a feeling of normalcy and then wrongness. Percy's relationship with Chiron is undermined by how little time they get together. Percy finding out who his father is happens SO QUICKLY that we don't have a proper understanding of what's wrong about his claiming when it happens. The camp looks cool and I want to see more of it! How it functions is barely explained! We barely get to meet anyone! It feels like Percy is there for less than 48 hours before he's leaving on a quest again, so there's very little time to build up his attachment to it. I have less emotional investment in Percy's conflict with Clarisse because we barely get to understand what daily life at Camp Half-blood might be like (although I understand putting less focus on Clarisse now knowing that you'll be able to play catch-up during future storylines).

I think the show is making pretty good choices with the time that they have, I just wish they had MORE time. I don't think that they have to include every little detail and scene and character from the books. I like a lot of the changes they've made just fine. I just feel like the writing and acting is being undermined by the fact that there's very little time to set things up so that you can knock them down, and that it takes more time to show something visually than it does to read a sentence. Everything in episodes 1 and 2 is moving so quickly that some of the magical aspects feel... less magical to me because there's less time to develop contrast. And the show doesn't have as much time to potentially develop cool NEW things, to slide in more new funny character interactions, because it's all so smushed down. I want more time to see these actors shine together.

(Although, admittedly, it is VERY funny to feel like Percy is stuck in some sort of speedrun version of the story. Every day is a new rollercoaster of Percy not knowing what the fuck is going on and going with it because he's not given the time to ask questions. Sure! This might as well happen next! His life sucks already. That part feels very true to the books, although I think the feeling could still be preserved if the show was given more time.)

I'm tired of 8 episode seasons. I don't know if I think that PJO needs a full 20+ episodes to tell the story of the first book, probably not, but being constrained to only 8 instead of at least 10-16 feels disappointing.

[cinnbar-bun]

Dio w/ an S/O who Celebrates Ramadan

Rating: SFW

Word Count: ~750

Notes: Muslim!GN!Reader. So yeah, obvy talking about religious beliefs and practices- if those make you uncomfortable please feel free to skip <3

A gift for my friend @over--heaven enjoy my darling!!!

We all know Dio, our proud and very devoted brother, mashallah. 

Okay, okay, being serious. Dio definitely did read up about different cultures and religions during his time in Cairo. Catching up has never been so informational, and Dio views these reading sessions as a way to formulate a plan. 

Yes he has canonically read the Quran (in the OVA) no I’m not arguing with this leave me alone!!!

Especially since he was in Cairo, he was exposed to Muslim culture not only through his reading, but quite literally outside his doorstep. He didn’t make many appearances outside (duh, vampire) but on the occasions he did, he was taken by the customs and celebrations by some of his neighbors. 

Well, the people here certainly know how to have a nice time compared to England. 

I would say he’s participated in many events or Muslim customs, maybe not out of sheer devotion or anything, but mostly due to entertainment and intrigue. He tends to people watch and view how some of the Muslims pray or how they behave with one another. 

He is aware of what Ramadan is, and since he reads the Quran, I can imagine he’s got a pretty good grasp of Islam as well as the Arabic language in general. 

It is quite ironic that Dio of all people had a partner who was Muslim, but he honestly doesn’t mind. All humans are the same to him, so he doesn’t hold one higher than another.

So, when you begin to prepare for Ramadan, he’s understanding (somewhat, he’s still Dio and he still will be a menace as usual). He’s pretty curious how devoted and disciplined you’ll be. 

Makes an off-hand comment how he’d be willing to participate with you, just to experience it alongside you.

Might even pray beside you if he’s feeling up to it (although he gets tempted to do it more when he sees you doing it). 

His sleep and eating schedule is pretty messed up as a vampire, I assume, so I like to think he’d be doing the opposite and eating breakfast during iftar and dinner during suhoor. It’s a funny thought and whether or not you decide to follow his flipped schedule is up to you. He’s just gonna be Dio throughout. 

He’d occasionally get philosophical with you about your faith and feelings. He likes to hear your interpretations of your faith and compare it to his own/what he’s read. He’s not sure if Islam itself will help him achieve heaven, but the discussions he has with you are rather thoughtful. It’s very rare for him to take what others say to heart, but for some reason, he can’t help but be enthralled by your words (we all know the reason is because he loves you). 

He does like you feeding him dates and fruits when it is time to break your fast. Heck, he might even feed you back if he’s feeling up to it. 

Although that’s kind of what Dio does during the month. He likes to bother you or annoy you for attention, but often will return the favor by making it so you can rest easily and not bother with things like cooking or cleaning. The minions can handle those tasks, but you are needed beside him in the bed for cuddles (I mean, serving him faithfully, my bad). 

Part of his studying of the human condition just leads him to be appreciative of you and your place beside him. Dio tends to make a show of it that you should be grateful he’s spoiling you like this, but truthfully he’s got a soft spot for you that is reserved for only you. No one else gets the level of care Dio gives you. 

He’ll hold off on ‘tempting’ you much during this month. He originally was going to tease you to see if you could be tempted, but after he saw you were steadfast, he softened up and quit trying to mess with you so much. He still will, but prepare for him to be a lot gentler with you. 

Soft kisses on your forehead, him gently rubbing your hands in circles with his fingers, and lots of cuddling. Again, stuff he only does with you. 

All in all, Dio is considerably more giving, quiet, and reflective during the month of Ramadan with you. It’s a new level within your relationship that he wanted to humor you with but ultimately finds rewarding in many ways.

[inkedwingss]

I'm not big on anime, and usually skip the intro, but I need to talk about some reasons I find Bubble to be so brilliant.

Spoiler alert.

1. The little mermaid was one of my special interests for years, so yes, there is that.

2. The pure, tender but also "I will die/kill for you" love story. Beautifully done, even when we understand their fate, it doesn't discourage you from watching and it does not disappoint;

3. Good plot with cool characters that actually add to the story.Hibiki and Kai's development, first on that big jump when Kai shows how much of a true leader and self-sacrificing person he is, so we understand it was never jealousy but his desire to be useful and relevant - love how they animated that moment -, and then when Hibiki, that does everything alone, asks Kai directly, in front of everyone, to go with him. These are just two of my favourite moments, but let's keep moving.

4. The quality of the animation itself. Seriously, animating can be a pain but animating parkour? The camera movements are sick, and the dynamic is amazing! Parkour is not a cool background: they are fully committed. Also, they pay attention to other details (like Hibiki's freaking headphones flying on that epic scene) that make all the difference. I could post a ton of pictures about the poetry of it all, but I'm gonna stick with those four.

5. The way they portray neurodiversity: casually, naturally, and with its inherent value. It's a relief to see someone like Hibiki being a pro at something that is not what we usually see in this type of character. Enough with the chess player/reader/tech genius autistic characters. People can have other abilities! Other needs, other characteristics. They can be relevant because of what makes them different, even if it's "small", like an auditory hypersensitivity. This was something very special, and I quite like how this post talks about it.

Also, who doesn't like apocalyptical scenarios nowadays?

A lot of spoilers ahead:

At the very start, Hibiki falls from the tower and Uta follows him, presumably to save him. As he drowns, the bubbles of his breath meet Uta, and they merge into something that resembles a supernova. This is going to be referenced later by Makoto: "It's said that the world repeatedly collapses and rebuilds. Assembles, bursts. Scatters. Then assembles again..."

Uta becomes a human through him, quite literally. As she grows into multiple bubbles, we see a poster on the train with a girl on it, and the similarity between them suggests that she used that as an inspiration for her human form - although her hair is blue, which brings her authenticity forward. Funny enough, the poster says "beyond the border". Then, still underwater, they touch (kiss, in my opinion, for the sake of Hibiki's need for oxygen), but her human form is not affected by touching him like it happens when they are on the surface - beyond the border.

It's also interesting to think about the many layers of the word "bubble", not only as an obvious reference to the original fairy tale. A bubble can be a cage or a protection. When underwater, it holds the air, and "air", "breath" and "wind" are terms extensively used in literature and in various religions to refer to our spirit. We also have a similar situation with "sound" and "music" being connected to frequency and the creation of the world. We know Uta signs and her name means music, in Japanese. A name that was given to her by Hibiki, by the way, which I love, and definitely means a lot to me for so many different reasons.

With all that said, I believe there is a reason why Hibiki and Uta's parkour movements are synchronized and their hair is so similar (with rebel strains on the top of their heads). This sense of oneness is brilliant, and she chose it. She chose to follow him. In the same way she chose to use the shape of that girl in the poster, she chose to conform herself to Hibiki's image - which, to me, is the greatest way of showing admiration and love, the act of considering the "object" of your love so high that they inspire you, they influence you! They change you/ in the end, allowing you to become yourself.

I also like the way they chose to approach our post-modern dilemmas, like doing dangerous stuff for views, the collective "orphan" feeling, as well as this "danger" and "independence" that they "seek" as a way of escaping the ridiculous reality outside (or are they pushed to it?). As a result, they end up living inside another bubble, the bubble that actually originated their trauma. When they choose to live and thrive on their own terms inside that doomed place, it's just a weird but relatable type of irony.

Now, let's talk about the end. I absolutely love the end? Like yeah, smashed my heart, and I'm gonna cry again every time I watch, amazing voice work and all, but that final scene has tons of hope and an amazing perspective of what truly happens when we have a connection (love), which is it never dies.

Love does not die. It lives inside us, and it changes us, and it becomes part of us. It is true that love suffers, but isn't that a consolation? The reality is that suffering can not be avoided unless you want to live a meaningless life, isolated with your headphones, struggling to be yourself, to find your path, wishing you could cease your own existence.

It even makes me think that we can only be ourselves through others.

Society is all about being independent nowadays, but this is just pure bullshit. Our level of co-dependency is higher than we think it is. Without love (connection), all will die. We die, and I mean this literally.

That's why, in my opinion, Hibiki says he wants to leave at the beginning of the movie. He is not going to leave the bubble. Why would he? I believe he wants to leave. You can tell his actions are not only autistic traits or trauma response, and that he is not deliberately rude - they are clear signs of depression: he is just not interested. He is somewhere else, a place no one can reach, detached. He threw the flag after a victory because it didn't matter. It's that stage where we look bored, rude, cold... But we are actually sinking.

Well, if I'm right and he wants to end it, he still needs to understand what that sound is, that song, that calling. So when he goes to the tower, it seems to me he is actually fine with risking everything for it. Hibiki is confident in his skills, but also smart enough to know how dangerous it is. It's better if he dies trying, though, right? The need to find meaning is more important, so he doesn't care if the answer costs his life; he has nothing to lose.

In fact, maybe it's something to win because in the worst scenario, he would not be taking his own life, he would be trying really hard to find the purpose and dying for it. It's a good excuse to die.

This search for meaning is present in the whole crew, but here I have literally so many things in my mind that I can't type, so I will jump to the conclusion that the purpose is found in the community.

And that's the most precious thing Uta did. Since her first moments with them, she was bringing them together in her own way (in chaos, with crazy chickens), and birthing a new pattern. Because of her giving nature, her surrender, her love, and her being, all of them end up overcoming whatever patterns were holding them back before, and that's why I said we can only be ourselves through others. Community is powerful beyond measure when its foundation is true love.

But above that, sometimes there is that one special connection, that powerful type of love, that will change everything, that strong and pure love that is just... Something else. And we crave that. As humans, we crave spiritual, deep, mystical connections. We crave the things that are beyond. That we can feel but can't fully explain. We crave love in its deepest, most consuming levels.

"Love suffers all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends."

I truly hope we can all be found by it.

[laineystein]

k but that's why Nobody Wants This stressed me bc I'm not even religious but the dating a goy thing is like. a v complicated issue bc of the history there and esp with the woman being a goy bc it effects the kids and like. I don't date exclusively jewish but I have friends who take it v seriously bc, they don't want an xmas tree in their house or bacon etc and why is it weird that their culture is so important to them??

That was one of my biggest pet peeves - Nobody Wants This didn’t go into why it’s important for the mother, specifically, to be Jewish and how having a goy mother can complicate Jewish identity. They made a joke about “repopulating” but didn’t do anything to educate on where those beliefs come from, etc. I think Reform Judaism accepts patrilineal Jews but still. Instead of using the conflict of the story to educate, it made us look like unaccepting bigots.

Beyond that, there were a few moments where cultural differences (between Jew and gentile) were clear but it was nothing that couldn’t be overcome and actually there were a few times where the Jewish characters even deviated away from halacha/minhag, etc. in a way that made those beliefs/customs seem trivial instead of integral parts of Jewish identity for many Jews. I think maybe Jews can be with goyim if they’re willing to “compromise” on certain things, as Reform Judaism seems to allow. But otherwise, there are things that we cannot “compromise” on because they’re fundamental to who we are. For so many of us, our identity is so deeply rooted in our Jewish beliefs and customs; the two cannot be divorced. And for those of us that applies to, dating someone outside of our world is nearly impossible. It’s not closed-minded — it’s fact — and I don’t understand why anyone else cares when it quite literally doesn’t affect them.

It’s just funny to me that nobody questions why any other race or religion would want to date/marry within that race/religion but when we do it, suddenly it’s not okay. Suddenly we’re horrible people for wanting to do this very normal thing. Per usual, we’re held to different standards. Date/love/fuck who you want. Jew do Jew. But don’t be judgmental when other people do the same thing — and when that choice involves exclusively dating/loving/fucking other Jews.

[jeepersjpeg]

could u tell me some stuff about ur ocs ? /nf

you didn't specify Who so i am picking ones i don't talk about often, *ahem*

in a world much like ours, sometime in the 2010's, magic became (or maybe always was) real. whatever mystique veil had hid these properties from humanity before had worn too thin. suddenly things like mermaids, unicorns, dragons, gryphons, vampires, you name it-- are spurring up, and their existence is slowly tearing society apart.

the history gets blurry between the beginning of the Magic Apocalypse and the year the story takes place, and it isn't really important until later- but here's what is important :

every creature tends to stick to a specific biome or region that they are from or thrive best in, with some exceptions. the one creature that is found practically everywhere and is the Most Pressing Threat to all life :

The Fae.

the fae are territorial, expanding, mysterious, and their realm bends reality itself. the main thing they are known for doing is setting up Trap Circles (of plants or various items). the consequence for crossing into "their" territory is that they must take something important to you. they'll normally let you choose, but if you try to trick them (ie: pretend something you have is important when it isn't) they will decide for you. in fact, most material items aren't Enough for them. the main thing they take from humans is body parts. but they will "generously" offer to trade you - they will take your human appendage, and replace it with an animal/creature's! (most of the time, they still cut off the limb beforehand, because the process of magically transforming a person's atoms into a different structure is so psychologically horrific and physically painful that Amputating Is Considered Merciful In Comparison..)

Now, In Roughly The 2040's, In A "Post-Apocalypse" Setting :

ELTON KYROGUE and his best friend GATOR have been playing in a two-man band named Grand Tour for the last few years. Elton sings and plays guitar (+ other stringed instruments), Gator drums and has a sickass keyboard.

Elton (he/him, 20--22 over the course of the story) is a young man with a seemingly unbreakable spirit. he believes in humanity, sometimes to a fault, but is not by any means naive. he knows that some people only want trouble- but he'd prefer to use clever tricks and schemes to make his way out of a fight.

Gator (any prns, 17--19 over the course of the story) is a crafty little guy, not much for conversation but loves people just as much as Elton does (albeit a bit more wary of them).. she likes making murals on abandoned structures as they travel, as a sort of landmark of where they've been.

the story begins with them a few months on a traveling tour, just the two of them (i call this story Grand Tour's Grand Tour.. very funny i know)

they encounter many interesting characters and places. people are attempting to rebuild society, around or alongside their magical neighbors, so there are lots of makeshift communities that range from small villages to entire functioning towns- each with their own rules, kinds of people, and ways of managing the new world. plenty of these places are delighted to have a traveling band show up, so Elton and Gator find many places to crash while bringing music to the world.

there are quite a few characters they run into (remind me later to talk about the unicorns, the cyborg-cowboy sector, dragons, and skvader, if you want..) but the two i get most excited about are..

Cowboy Dan and Domino(/Dominic).

Cowboy Dan (44, he/him) is a sphinx-like lion man who wanders the desert by himself. a bitter man whose insecurities have plagued his way of thinking, who thinks people are either evil and untrustworthy, or just plain stupid. he's also probably the world's last remaining Catholic (joking, but religion is scarce nowadays). he destroys every opportunity and relationship that comes to him with the belief that this is how people "survive". he's on the hunt to enact revenge against Dominic, but no one can ever seem to get the full story..? (note: Dan normally stands on two legs and covers up his lion body almost entirely, these are just the sketches i had on-hand haha. it's difficult for him to walk bipedal but he is Incredibly Stubborn and Clings To His Humanity For Dear Life.)

Dominic (around the same age as Cowboy Dan, he/him, referred to as "Domino" by everyone but Dan) is a donkey man (entirely donkey) who is the leader of a settlement inside an abandoned amusement park. or, atleast, everyone there insists that "Domino" is like their mayor. if you ask him, he's just "someone who likes to help out". they live an oddly comfortable life away from danger, and Elton (with some manipulation from Dan) grows to find this setup suspicious.

there's a lot more to these guys-- to all of this story, but i'll leave it at that for now ;-) im not quite done writing GTsGT, but it will be turned into a comic at some point. my plan is to first make Curtain Call, and if im done coming up with GTsGT by then- it'll be up next! if not, i have a ton of other completely finished projects on the backburner that im waiting for a good time window to create.

[galaxy-teaparty]

"Offering a Prayer to the Wondering God" event review

okay so I thought that it would be nice to have some of my thoughts and impressions recorded somewhere for future references and other stuff. So here we go

general impressions: girl, post part 2 of main story events are surely on another level. You can tell how much the Sage's understanding of the wizards has improved and how strong their bond is. I also liked how it's somewhat relevant to All Hallows Eve more than previous events, as it has religion as its main theme. Zombie costumes with priest vibes for the event SSRs are stunning though.

Event story and NPC: we've got quite a fellow this time. It's funny how insistent Akira is about Elijah being very-very pretty, with almost angelic features, white long hair and stuff. I feel like they're not over anni4 and are starting to have a type /j

His conflict of trying to restore his beloved god in a form of a statue that was raised from the bottom of the ocean with Figaro's help and spending centuries making its appearance so distorted from its original form that when the Calamity stroke and made the statue able to move it really took its chance to put its wrath on the guy who made it so ugly.

But as he was forced to repent and admit his sins he was forgiven by it. Not gonna lie while the resolution was obvious to me from the very beginning, I still teared up a little when an ugly distorted statue with way too many limbs stops choking Elijah and hugs him instead, accepting his apology and giving him that last resort he has always saw it as.

Also Elijah makes a huge character development, saying he wants to let go of the statue and to send it back to the bottom of the ocean. me, an uminekopilled wtcell always, choked Him setting his beloved god free is an act of love, but he also says that even not having it present to him won't stop his earning for it.

... boy, guess who's going to project the hell out if this situation?

Speaking of the SSR line up this time, it's funny how all three of them are characters who are very close to death. Arthur is predicted to die in the battle against the Calamity, Figaro is dying slowly from the very launch of the game and Nero... Nero is sort of prepared for his life to end soon as a matter of punishment for betrayal.

To me with my obvious biases Figaro and Nero were fighting hard for the spotlight in this event, but I guess it was done on purpose. It was really nice to be reintroduced to Figaro's origin as a former god of the village who failed his purpose. And his final talk with Akira who tries to love accept both Figaro of the past and Figaro of the present is very sweet.

I also g a s p e d at that small talk Bradley and Figaro about regrets of those who died because of putting trust into them. What an elegant way to show their core difference with Bradley knowing how to be loved not in a transactional way (which is why he acts like an arrogant spoiled brat sometimes but we'll leave this talk for some other day, I still love him) Also him threatening Figaro that one day he'll avenge everyone who was killed after his capture and Nero almost giggling laughing and twirling his hair in the corner is hilarious to me.

Arthur was pleasant to watch as always, though his role wasn't as big, I really like how he taught Riquet the importance of accepting other people's believes as everyone has something that keeps their hearts protected. Riquet is a little star of the show as always. I love how straightforward and not taking any bullshit he is. He is the first one to call Elijah out and to tell about the necessity to repent for his wrongdoings and he turns out to be right after all.

Shino shines more in cardstories this time, him getting Bradley to give some advice from the thief's perspective for the Blanchett's castle security improvement is a very nice move. And I just love Shino a lot.

Mithra's little progression is also really nice to be seen, as he trusts Rutile to work on the barrier with his own strength instead of brushing him to the sideline. You can see the consequences it might bring later and sigh deeply, but for now let's be happy for them.

And now I just have to talk about the myth, the legend, the projection king himself - Nero you-did-it-again Turner.

Like of course there's no way he could not relate to the whole situation. Him telling Elijah off on how he forced his desires on an unmovable statue without its agreement so much that the moment it was animated it would want to beat shit out of him really reflects how he felt in the past as he realized he was chosen by Bradley to be his successor if he dies. Being paralyzed, not able to say a word and to stop someone from getting hurt is something he can deeply emphasize with.

But at the same time we know that he is also a person with selfish desires towards someone. And the whole scene of Elijah saying that him offering his sins and his life to his god and saying that being killed by it is more than enough... it really rings the bell.

Nero's final talk with Bradley sent me down the spiral for the whole week though. Like. What even was that. Nero once again bringing up how much Bradley was adored by everyone back then and even recalling what happened when he was just picked up (not him remembering his first meal in the band btw, that parallel with Riquet's first warm meal in the mansion is just sad). Bradley's reactions are also funny, like you can see he tries to put the talk into a lighter mood asking if he was ever seen as a handsome and cool god but how much he still wants Nero to cherish him. And Nero delivers. Nero saying he never needed to believe in god, because having Bradley was enough is just so brutally honest. And I can see where it comes from, Nero had become way too close to Bradley to idolize him, he saw more of his vulnerable side than anyone else. And his feelings to him are a complex mess, but the affection is still present. And for now this answer is enough.

I've also noticed that in this year's events Nero has become more honest but also kind of... more gentle? Idk how to put it, but both this and 2k24 Valentine events are showing him reflecting on everything but also being more open with it. I feel like the events of part 2 with him basically finding the end of his life close enough he feels no fear with sharing what he really feels and thinks. Which is honestly a good development for him, finally addressing his own needs and desires instead of just opposing Brad's ideas.

They are both delightfully stupid and this is one of the reasons why I've fallen so deeply into this hell.

Well, that's it. Thank you for the reading if you survived until the end of this long post!

P.S. Oh my god, and what about this subtle moment when Figaro's protection magic disappeared soon after being casted on, what a nice daily reminder how much weaker he becomes, ha-ha.. 5th anniversary approaching sounds so much fuuuun

[herotome]

i'd like to know more about what you mentioned in the tags then, about taking inspiration from outside media! i remember when i first played the demo it hit just right cause i'd just watched the boys and i was hungry for more hero cynicism lol

Aw hell yeah!!

Okay so actually - I take very little inspiration from modern hero media, if any. I did grow up watching Justice League (2001-2004), Static Shock, and Batman the Animated Series and take some tonal inspiration from my memories of them (in which heroes generally try their best and it isn't always enough, villains tend to have sympathetic motives, also Mr Freeze is there and he's my big favorite), but that's about it.

When I started taking an interest in game design, I took deep inspiration from games with stories and mechanics that really resonated with me:

Mystic Messenger: I took heavy inspiration from how the love interests talk to each other, and how they all participate in every route. And the banter!! This game genuinely made me feel a personal connection to all its characters, and a lot of the player's dialogue choices were pretty damn funny for an otome game. (I have since learned that many, many indie otome games are similarly charming and I wrote a whole big list of recommendations, but didn't know they existed back in 2016-or-so.)

Undertale: Its sense of humor and meta commentary blew my mind. You could just do so much and have the game remember and react to your actions/choices, such as taking too much candy and making the whole bowl spill to the floor, or having the Mad Dummy rant about how you treated the dummy from the beginning of the game. Undertale is probably responsible for my deep interest in variable-tracking, and having characters respond to different things. (Dammit, Undertale, it's been so much work... but it's worth it I guess.....)

Disco Elysium: I played this a short while after MM and UT, and it just solidified my idea of what "my favorite game" would look like. Because I'm trying to make Herotome into my favorite game, that's my secret cap, etc etc. Anyway... Disco Elysium is fucking crazy. It's full of heart and camaraderie and also you can loudly beg for money and punch a literal child in the face and sing karaoke really badly and joking that if you find three racists you will be granted three wishes like??? It's unhinged. I haven't even mentioned the stellar atmosphere, plot, and how you have a bunch of voices in your head suggesting various courses of action and how you play as a recovering addict and you can go right back into your addiction with smoking alcohol and drugs... Describing it like this, it feels like an impossible game, that there's no way a game like this exists, but goddamn it do. And I take inspiration from a small.. SMALL aspect of it, because if I tried to fully emulate Disco Elysium I would probably die. It's just so much. And it's beautiful. Anyway DE inspired me to be more unhinged.

Dragon Age Origins: I'm listing this last because I actually played it well, well before I started game development, but it was such an impactful game for me that I'd never forgotten its scenes, characters, and how it made me feel. The CHARACTER BANTER... The sheer wealth of choices, and the emotions involved!!! There was such a general sense of world building and gravitas and then you find this mystical holy urn that's been important to a major religion and one of the characters quips "Nice vase. I should get one for my house." like??? Gah. I guess it inspired me not to take my own game too seriously, but the characters are also very,veryvery charming while also being quite diverse - everyone has a unique sense of humor and a unique background. The player can ALSO have a unique sense of humor and a unique background, which is super cool. I am absolutely not doing separate Origins for Herotome because that's way too much work-- but the diversity of the love interests did inspire me a great deal. Oh-- and the APPROVAL SYSTEM. I loved how you could get characters in the negative and have really, really interesting dialogue from antagonistic interactions, so DA:O really taught me early on that I didn't have to shy away from such things.

Perhaps most importantly: I like these games a whole lot, they are probably my favorite games. I want to like Herotome in the same way, or at least a very similar way.

A quote I try to think about a lot is "I'm surprised at the success of the show, I'm... I'm not surprised by people liking it that watch it, because... even though that makes me sound like a dick, like, that [sounds like] I knew people would like it, that's not quite what I mean-- I just mean, when you write something, you have to... if it's gonna be good, you have to be, like, its first fan, you have to be like... I don't care if I'm the only person who ever watches this, I love this. So when a second person says 'this is awesome!' You're like, stoked, but you're not shocked[...]"

... Okay I don't think about that entire stuttering quote (it's from Dan Harmon, regardless of how one might feel about him as a person he is an undeniably successful writer); but I do try to internalize "I don't care if I'm the only person who likes this" as often as I can.

I also make an effort to trust in the universe and that Herotome will reach "its people" and resonate with them in the same way my favorite games resonated with me...

... Anyway.

Outside of game design, I also try to pick out enjoyable aspects from everything I watch and read. If a book has a particularly well-written scene, I'll jot down some notes about why I liked it even if I didn't enjoy the book overall. Same with VNs and other games. While watching movies/shows I'll try to remember how they make me feel, and remember scenes that are particularly powerful and why they affected me. Yeah it's a lot of English homework, but it's how I work and indirectly feed Herotome and keep it alive in my day-to-day. I even have a playlist of random youtube videos I might reference while working on the game. Oh, and video essays -- I watch video essays religiously and make mental notes... let's plays, too, are a great way to experience how a game is designed and saving some time--

Uh, point being, you don't have to go hardcore categorizing and note-taking like I do. I just truly believe that every piece of media has something to share that can be molded and used to your own devices... even if it's "what not to do," in situations where I really, really don't like something. I'll just make a mental note to do the opposite thing. (eg, when Mystic Messenger let you choose your PFP and then randomly showed you the default MC kissing the love interest - so much whiplash, so awful, still one of my favorite games but whyyyyyy)

I actually did a meme about characters-who-inspired-my-characters a while back too, so there's that... same logic. Many many games and stories and characters inspired me, very few of them directly concern superheroes.

Thank you for the ask!!!

[swearyshera]

Ooh, I've got quite a few asks! This is a long one...

Aw, thank you so much! I've always said that I try to turn the subtext into text, but even doing that there's still plenty of subtext!

I come from a place of loving all the characters, so any mocking of them is gentle and light-hearted, but hopefully it has given people a different perspective on a few of them. A big part of the plot I've ended up writing is about loving yourself as you are, and not being ashamed to be true to yourself, and I think Hordak really exemplifies that as someone who very much struggled with that concept in the face of Horde Prime (someone who demands conformity). In that respect, he's very much a character I'm sure some people can relate to. Also I made him a largely incompetent evil emperor because that was just funny, so there's maybe fewer absolutely horrifying things he's done.

One of the advantages of this format is having more time to spend with the characters (I don't have to fit everything into 20 minutes), so that does mean we get more depth to people like Castaspella or the Horde Trio. That's not to criticise the original, there will always have to be side characters and characters who don't get much time, but I get to spend a little more time with them like this.

I'm glad you've come along for the ride, and I hope you enjoy the final week!

He is!

Also this has probably prompted someone to write/draw Entrapdak as Barbie and Ken now...

@tenaciousdecapitator That would have happened if Prime had gone on about how perfect Gateshead is!

@solcaeruleus If I can make people cry, that counts as a victory!

The "I care what she thinks" line had been in my notes for so long - in fact, I think the first time I wrote Entrapta's "We're enough as we are" back in Season 3, I knew this scene would call back to that. It is the full circle of Hordak's character arc, really - he went from trying to be what someone else (Prime) wanted, to someone that he wanted to be. And it's of note that he doesn't entirely reject the 'fuck what anyone else thinks', because he cares what Entrapta thinks - he's taken that and added his own spin to it: You don't have to be anything for anyone, but making someone you care about proud sometimes helps you become who you want to be.

@kirvee ME NEITHER

@gardensofcrystals I'm so glad you could find some catharsis in this!

While I've not specifically written Prime as a particularly religious thing, the image I've had of him as some right-wing, anti-queer, anti-woman person isn't exactly a million miles from some types of Evangelical preachers, and I couldn't completely divorce him from that image because it was intended in the original - he's supposed to be an analogy to that kind of person.

His story is probably familiar to many people, who find something about their identity at odds with what they're told they should be. And that could be about sexuality with homophobic parents, or some aspect of yourself that's considered unacceptable by a religious or societal authority - I'm sure we've all had moments where we've felt we need to hide something about ourselves that we should never have to hide.

But whereas Prime will never be convinced that Hordak is 'good enough', my (admittedly limited) knowledge of religion is that God is kind of a loving guy and was quite hot on not being a judgemental prick to your fellow humans.

[putyourcigaretteoutonmyback]

────────────────────────────

do i,

one person out of eight billion, on a planet that's bathing in a sea of stars and galaxies,

even matter ?

────────────────────────────

if i was gone it wouldn't affect the world all that much, maybe the people around me, but that's temporary. we all die anyways, don't we? people say life is short yet it feels so, so long despite how the days will pass me by. how ill sit in bed doing the same things, scrolling on this phone, recognizing I should get off, get up, go do something, yet still, I remain unmoved. in my bed. on my phone. and the next days the same, and the next, and the next. my days are all spent the same, what good does living do me, really.

one small person in a universe full of things that have far more potential then ill ever have or live up to. a quit exit would be taking pills, or jumping in the river only a quick drive from me, maybe drown myself in the pool.

ive planned it in my head, sort of anyways. i could sneak out in the middle of the night, walk hours just to find the bridge, to feel the cold railing before ive sunken beneath it. or i could take a ton of pills, though that's not guaranteed. neither of them are i suppose. its funny, really, how suicides something ill always think about. it's the only constant on my mind; even if im happy, out with my friends or family, it lingers. what if this is the last time i see them? the last time they see me. it gets worse when I'm sad. killing myself would take evey feeling ive ever felt away, and id be gone.

i wonder if death is peaceful, i wonder what happens once we die. everyone does, i think, yet it remains unanswered until it happens. tons of reasons to stay, but tons to leave. sometimes i think about how if i do have another life after this, ill never know since it won't actually be me, it won't be my second life because itll be someone completely different. theyll have a different name and face, a different conscience because they won't be me. ill be dead, and someone else will live their life.

when you put it like that, do second lives even exist? if it won't be someone with the same conscience, someone who won't know of your existence, then really, it's just someone else.

“ in my next life I want — ” not your next life, someone else's life. someone completely different. and sometimes, i wanna be something, i wanna be everything, but thatll never be possible. i cant live every life, study every animal whilst learning of every movie ever made. i cant read every book written or listen to all the music that was created on this planet, and that frustrates me.

alot.

i wanna be soft, gentle, but at the same time, i wanna be loud and confident. i wanna get better, to live without the need to criticize my every move, every feature on my body or every word i said, but at the same time, i wanna get sick, be the worst i can be. cut my skin every day, go weeks without food, stop showering, give up, all in the hopes someone notices. to simply let go, to see how it feels, to see if it's any better then trying to be good, to be kind, better then putting in the effort to get out of bed every day, to shower, to do laundry.

back to suicide, i guess. its a sin, isnt it. but is god real? so many things yet to be proven. if god were real, why would he waste time with such insignificant things such as humans, much less care about the sexuality of someone or what they choose to believe in. god is cruel, afterall. someone could spend their whole life being good whilst believing in a religion other than christianity, and guess what. to hell they go. someone who's suffering, who sees suicide as their only way out, to hell. the rapist of someone who committed because of them, they repent and suddenly their a saint. to heaven, of course. what makes someone a good person, really? is if how often they compliment others, is it whether or not they pick up the money someone dropped and return it to them? to be a good person must you believe in certain things, does your past define how good you are? what does it take to be defined as good.

life is unfair, really. you're born into a body, into a family, you're raised, taken care of, unless you arent. the people you're surrounded by as you grow completely dictate who you become, and you cant control that. the body you've got from your mom, the addiction gene from your father, the nose and face you hate from generations before, stuff you get stuck with. you can't change most things, sure, workout, starve, do as you please but that doesn't change the structure of your bones or the people who made you. plastic surgery is expensive, and youll be called fake anyways, so is it worth it? I wonder why it's so hard to like myself.

i really dislike my face, my body, my personality and my voice. the little comments people make, whether they intend to cause harm or to not. they linger within my mind, floating in a thousand other thoughts i have yet to think deeper about. i guess thats what im doing right now. i would be journaling this but my hands hurt, so now whoever sees this gets to decide if they wanna read this. thats probably why i made this account. to rant, to vent.

something i really can't imagine is being anything older then I am right now. being an adult, growing up, it seems so impossible but i know it's not because i see it all around me every day. maybe it's because since from a young age, i always thought id be dead. that id kill myself before the age i am now, before i ever got to be a parent or employee. i still think that, probably, because i still wanna kill myself and its still set in my mind. “ i wont be anything more then what i am right now. ”

maybe its true, maybe its not.

the question “ what do you wanna be when you grow up ” was always hard for me. i never knew, i mean, my childish dreams of being a youtuber were there but that's it. i have no idea who i am or who i wanna be. theres so many jobs, but only so much time to do them, so many careers require a certain course in school, which tends to be expensive. what if i choose something i end up hating? what if im stuck for the rest of my life and miserable. im scared of growing up, of making the wrong choice.

on that topic, sex. its scary, really scary. what if i lose it to the wrong person? of course, i could wait till marriage, but divorce is always a possibility so even then. who would i consider the right person? im not sure. itll probably hurt, what if they see me naked and change their mind? someone seeing me naked is scary. maybe ill just die a virgin, lame, but atleast i won't have to be vulnerable. what if I bleed and he says ew, what if it goes wrong, what if what if what if.

my mind is full of what ifs, always. what if the hangout I have planned goes wrong? what if I get made fun of? maybe I think too much.

thats probably it for now, read it or don't, I wish tumblr said how many words it had. maybe it does, not sure, anyways, bye.

[vivianbernadetteaurora]

So how do we go to this to what we famously know now with Cardi B and Nicki Minaj this is the 2018 Met gala. Jeremy Scott was designing both Cardy and Nikki‘s dresses. I believe and the theme was Catholicism. I believe if not Catholicism religion. Azealia Banks said when you see wars with men in the hip-hop industry online, it’s really a love is tiff And as we know by now in the industry, your have to be pansexual or it will at least bisexual that’s just how it seems to work, I know a lot of you may not believe but I alone items but how come so I’m glad. It’s just like the Nikki and Kim situation, so if it’s the same situation, we have Nicki, Minaj and Lil’ Kim in the early 2000 late 2000s even Nicki Minaj is known by many ofher peers for not liking them specially women, and and industry, you’ll see love its death but the industry also loves a good PR move where they will set up a thing where two people hate each other did round to give them both publicity going into their charts and their kids are Sagittarius, son and Aquarius rising and a Virgo moon, Cardi B is a libra son and Aries moon, and wherever you want to believe which ever source some people said she said on Instagram is who she has Sagittarius rising and obviously say she’s an Aries rising and personally seeing the look more of a Sagittarius rising, especially of her hair and her look and her face shape, but I can always see the Aries rising in her. Let’s face it they’re both fire signs anyway, so they have quite quality qualities that are similar. Rhianna is an Aries rising and she has a cockiness and good sense of humour and can be a laugh so she could have that anyway from just having an Aries moon. So how did this all start this started when Cardi B and Nicki Minaj both worked on a track called motorsport ,with the with the Migos, and they were never in the video together, they would do it separately, and one of the verses on it, you felt was disrespectful to her from nicki….. so they change the lyrics so are they were aimed at quavo, instead because women be fighting a lot and these two women have more in common than they probably realise or care to realise and a lot of it came from Nikki was defending for my remember black women, because Cardi B said some, women’s child look like a monkey and Dominicans are so I’ve been told very funny about their race. They don’t admit to being black a lot of the time when it’s clearly they’ve got black and Spanish roots so having her cancer cancer rules anyway, but Mars cancer even more so because you have to remember with Mars that Mars is your essence of your characteristic, how you move in the world, how you are every day how you are physically physically as in moving around and physically how you look so I has been up for a lot of times same how they talk with Meghan Markle who also has her Mars in cancer. It’s just one of those things are going out in her life. The picture we have at the top is at the Gala and Cardi B is pregnant and I don’t know if anything gets happened at this point I’m guessing not, but I feel like something might have, but Cardi B let’s face. It was probably stripping to Nikki‘s songs so when it came where they had their fight it was at the harpers, bizarre fashion event and Cardi B threw a shoe at Nicki Minaj Nicki Minaj kept saying I’m right here I’m right here get me I’m right here but no realised that she had her bodyguard which I thought was weird is a female someone called raw Ali, she’s really pretty, but she’s very big anyway they’re two different sides. Of course you leave the event with a massive bump on her head so she got she said she got hit by security or hurt by security where as Nikki said on her radio that she got beat in the crap out of my raw Ali, who is Nikki security so maybe she saying in undertone I don’t know but maybe Nikki had loads of security around her and that’s why she didn’t get hurt because card had only just come out that year so she’s not gonna have as much money or as much of

Team.

Anyway, Nikki‘s Capricorn, marsis in opposition to Cardi B‘s Mars in cancer, so saying that Cardi B could’ve felt frightened by Nikki‘sm Nikki’s essence and her character and her personality and her energy ,in a manipulative way, because cancer can be manipulative, and Capricorns can initiative but mars and Capricorn love fame Capricorn,in MARS I see it being a massive fame placement and a lot of charts because I’m also doing scrapbooking too with my astrology and then, Cardi B‘s whole aggression could’ve felt frightening to Nikki‘s image. Anyway, we’re gonna leave it at that leave fusing to Azealia Banks and all her feuds had enough of that for one day. These women have both matured and become others, and as far as I know, there’s no more feuds with these two. Let’s keep it that way let me know who side you’re on. Let me know if you’re on impartial. Let me know if you think it was all here and let me also know what you think on the matter. Thank you kiss kiss kiss XOXO