#it's just my inner irrational romantic

[earthtooz]

earth i need to catch up on ur ratio fics (i read some of flower one and i ate that shit up omg) because now the thought of seething annoying veritas being all angry whenever you even look at someone else infests my mind like an annoying worm. i hope you know this is what those fics do to me

x : EQUILIBRIUM : *+ﾟ

in which: ratio navigates through the perplexities of pining after you.

warnings: fluff, 1.6k words, intelligentsia guild!gn!reader is kind of a social butterfly and talkative, ratio is so pathetic i love him T^T, alcohol, aventurine feature! my writing isn't the best for this one i apologise :,D

a/n: thank u for the ask mhie!! i wanted to say that you enabled me perfectly because ever since his release, i've only ever thought about this one scenario where he's staring at reader from afar and absolutely seething because he's not the one talking to them xD sorry for taking so long omfg and im sorry for turning this into a fic, i just saw my opportunity and lunged at it like an animal rawr

Jealousy and envy are not familiar concepts to Dr. Ratio.

He knows of them, understands the inner workings and philosophical aptitude of both, knowing that they lead man down irrational paths. Yet, for all his years, he has not felt the bitterness of jealousy and envy squeeze him, cannot fathom why one cannot control their feelings and maintain modesty. 

Perhaps, the root of it was whatever Ratio wanted, he received. The only thing he has ever craved is knowledge, and it is available for him with the flick of a page, absorbing even the most complex of theories with ease. Conceptual, mathematical, scientific- not a single school of thought has hidden itself from his vast mind, proven by the many PhDs he has with his name.

Everything fickle that anyone could ever crave has long been his. 

Envious over someone else’s wealth? Money comes and goes, and merely serves as a medium of exchange. As long as he has enough to live comfortably, then he is content. Having too much of one thing can often result in a bottomless pit of wanting more, and material good was perhaps the most evil of all.

Jealous over someone else’s beauty? Compliments and adoration are not an unfamiliar concept to him; one glance at what’s under that stone mask will have others fawning over him instantly. He claims the mask is to protect him from idiots, but perhaps it also serves to shield others from the walking sculpture that is the Veritas Ratio, sharp features and toned body, there is nothing undesirable about him.

In conclusion, jealousy and envy are not familiar concepts to Dr. Ratio. Until he met you.

A fellow member of the Intelligentsia Guild but in another department, you too are a favoured delegate of the IPC, frequently attending the same events and trips as him. Thus, it was only natural that you’d become acquainted and that he’d grow to respect you, hearing about your achievements and dedications as an academic. What was unnatural, however, was the palpitations of his heart, weakness in his knees, paired with an overwhelming excitement to see you.

He’s no fool. These sensations were all symptoms of romantic attraction, but you were a variable uncounted for in the distribution of his life, and he was not ready for an outlier so powerful that it completely ‘skewed’ him over.  

Now, he laments in the corner of champagne parties meant for socialites. He is no lover of mundane interaction but as his contract with the IPC, he comes as a representative of the Intelligentsia Guild. 

These formal events always drained the life out of him, needing him to discard his everyday, flowey, carefree attire for a constraining suit, conforming him into the regular majority. 

He raises the glass of champagne to his lips and takes a small sip, the liquor serves as lubricant to the throat. The smooth finish of the drink is exactly what he needs; talking about the same subject again and again becomes exhausting, and even though it is in his role criteria, Ratio cannot wait to leave.

But he won’t, because he hasn’t seen you yet. 

Glancing around the room for the upteemth time this evening, you still have not entered his line of sight, and he leans against the bar in disappointment.

“Oh, why the long face, Ratio?” A mischievous voice coos from beside him. “It’s not a good look on you.”

“Spare me your sentiments, gambler,” Ratio spits back.

“As you wish. Not enjoying the party?”

“If you have something you wish to say then please, spare me the pleasantries.”

Aventurine laughs, all boisterous and extravagant, gold jewelry clicking against each other, as if coming alive to match his jovialness. He really is a personified headache. “You’re looking for someone, aren’t you?”

The scholar tenses, muscles tugging at the stiff fabric of his blazer, but that micro action was enough of an answer for Aventurine.

A gloved hand points up to the mezzanine of the grand hall. Ratio spots you, leaning against the railing whilst conversing with another man, one briefly talked to earlier. If he didn’t like him before, then he certainly didn’t now.

Handsome face turning into a small scowl, it’s almost as if you feel the intensity of a certain, golden stare, causing you to turn around and find the source, eyes eventually landing on the figures of a coworker or two. A brief smile graces your face before you turn around again, turning your back on the two onlookers.

Ratio loathes what he sees, and something within him yearns to be the only man you look at, causing an ugly, green sensation to brew within him; a concoction that can only be labelled as ‘jealousy’.

He just cannot figure out what other men have that he doesn’t; what is making him secondary in your heart? Why do you give these... idiots the time of day when you could be with him- talking to him?

It's all too perplexing, you make him perplexed.

“Well, go on, doctor,” Aventurine prompts. “Place your bets before it’s too late.” 

The purple-haired sighs, pushing himself off the bar. His feet take him to you, up the velvet-carpeted stairs. His gaze never strays from you, ensuring you stay within his line of sight and eventually, he stops right behind you, acting as a looming shadow.

His gaze is cold, hoping to pierce through your conversation partner so he can finally cower away and make room for Ratio.

“Doctor!” You exclaim, surprised by his sudden appearance. “When did you get here?”

Taking a hint, the stranger finally begins to peel himself away. “It was lovely talking to you, Y/n. I hope this won’t be our last conversation.”

“Likewise, have a lovely evening,” you farewell him with a small smile as the other party turns and eventually disappears from sight.

Finally. Triumph and victory settles in Ratio’s chest when your attention is directed solely at him, but you look up at him with arms crossed and a raised eyebrow.

“I swore I saw you downstairs moments ago, how did you get up here so fast?”

“I simply walked a normal pace, is that so abnormal?”

“I suppose not,” you huff, rolling your eyes. Veritas allows himself a glance over of your outfit, admiring you. “Have you talked to anyone interesting?”

You are by far the most interesting part of the evening, he thinks.

“Hardly,” he murmurs. 

“My guess is that you’d prefer to be grading student papers?” You muse, leaning in closer.

His heartbeat spikes. “Well, that is hard to say. Which would you prefer?”

“As much as I love my students, I need a break from the same thesis statements regurgitated in different formats. I’d rather be here.”

“Then that is my answer too.”

You give him a look that says ‘really?’, clearly not believing his aloof statement. Truthfully, he would rather be here because here is where you are, and he’d like a few moments with you before returning to the gloominess of his office. The hour hand is only at 11, what’s the rush?

Then, your eyes flicker to his neckline and they widen briefly, as if finding an issue with his tuxedo. “Hold still,” you command, hands coming up to rest on his sturdy chest.

You’re fixing his tie, he realises, feeling the fabric tighten ever so slightly as you adjust it. When you’re done, you flatten out the material with a satisfied smile, running your hands casually over his chest, and he hopes you cannot feel his heart jump. How do you touch him so easily, as if it means nothing?

“It was crooked,” you explain, “now you are looking as sharp as ever, Doc.”

“Thank you,” is the best thing he can sputter out.

“No problem, we need to have our genius looking proper at all times!”

Ratio is too stunned to speak, he fears that if he tried, whatever leaves his mouth will result in a various garbles and attempts at sentences.

Thankfully, you haven’t run out of words to say. “Oh, I have yet to get a drink! Will you accompany me? I could go for some refreshments right now.”

He nods and extends an arm for you to hold, and you happily accept it, holding onto his bicep as you ramble on about a conversation exchanged earlier in the night. If you were anyone else, he would not have cared in the slightest, but instead, he listens intently, taking slow and measured steps downstairs so you are comfortable.

In this bubble, the esteemed scholar is content. With you so close, it feels as if everything has clicked into place, like the scales of fate have finally balanced and equilibrium has been achieved. He could listen to you forever.

Unfortunately, all good things don’t last, because a face Ratio doesn’t recognise approaches you, hand resting on your shoulder. Judging from the manner of which they address and talk to you, you are close, and you don’t shrug them off. Next thing he knows, you’re ripped away from him, dragged into the sea of people.

You spare him a glance over your shoulder, as if apologising for the sudden disruption.

Still, he sighs, left behind with nothing but fervent symptoms of love clinging to his being, squeezing him for all he is.

© EARTHTOOZ 2024, do not steal, translate, repost my fics and do not recommend my fics onto any other site.

[asexualtuckerfoley]

Prue Halliwell Appreciation Week Day 1 - Favorite Episode/Season

My favorite Prue season is season 3. The entire season is about her growing and recovering from the things that stripped her of her childhood and her innocence and reconciling with her family, but at the same time we see her trying to suppress her emotions and become superwitch, which stems from her anxiety.

Family Moments:

The Honeymoon's Over: we see her and Phoebe's relationship healing after a month without Piper, and while we've seen growth from them over the first two seasons, I think this is the first time we've really seen them so willing and determined to work together and support each other.

All Halliwell's Eve: self explanatory

Power Outage: this episode lets us see how far the Halliwells have come by how far they fall. This isn't season 1 Prue where she held her anger in close and tightly and hated to admit when she acted out of anger; she was immediately horrified by her actions and acknowledged that she was angry and that the demon just amplified it.

We All Scream for Ice Cream: Prue and Victor finally reconcile and there's this promise of continued growth that unfortunately Prue never gets to see

Wrestling with Demons: Here we see some of that old Prue-and-Phoebe tension, but this time it's over something much bigger, and they reconcile in a much quicker, more mature way. Additionally, the threat of losing Piper helps them work together proving that their sisterhood trumps all.

Pre-Witched: this is just a glimpse back at how broken the sisters' relationships was before becoming the Charmed Ones and it shows how much they've changed and grown.

Honorable mention for The Good, the Bad, and the Cursed: I liked the Prue/Cole dynamic and I wish we'd gotten to see that relationship grow as well while we moved closer to Phoebe and Cole's wedding

Romantic Relationships:

Magic Hour: anything about a non-Charmed One's relationship in this show is a reflection of what's going on in the sisters' heads, and for Prue it's her frustration with not being able to maintain a relationship because she's a witch.

Bride and Gloom: Prue's dating again in this but the guy she's with is a safe choice, but it takes being forced into a marriage with a demon to realize she doesn't want someone boring, she wants someone who can keep up with her.

Just Harried: when Prue's id gets out, one of the things she looks for is a fun relationship, the opposite of what she had in Bride and Gloom. I think if Shannen had stayed for season 4, we would've seen more of this "learn a lesson, find a guy who's the opposite, repeat" pattern throughout the season before finally meeting someone who was right for her.

Inner Child Moments:

Once Upon a Time: Prue literally has to regress to her childhood self to be able to see the fairies, this being shortly after the season 2 finale where she was physically reverted to a teenager

We All Scream for Ice Cream: now she's revisiting her past in a different way, coming up against a villain she saw in her childhood but couldn't comprehend at the time. This episode kind of reminds me of an EMDR session, where you allow yourself to revisit these traumatic childhood moments.

Anxiety/Superwitch Moments:

Sight Unseen: Prue's (not unwarranted) anxieties overrun her rational self, and Piper and Phoebe can see that, causing them to doubt Prue. It makes me think they grew up around this anxious, irrational version of Prue that comes out under stress

Primrose Empath: Prue gets overwhelmed by the emotions of others, which isn't surprising since she hardly allows herself to feel her own feelings, but in the end it's all those emotions that allow her to defeat Vince and at the end of it all, she is able to regain consciousness while her astral self is active, indicating that if she had lived and her storyline continued, that would have been the next step in the evolution of her powers.

Death Takes a Halliwell*: this is anxious superwitch Prue at her peak in my opinion. The entire time we watch her try to fight death itself to save every single innocent stems from her own inability to accept death as a natural part of life and her fear over losing the ones she loves after her mother's death. She thinks that if she's strong enough, if she's powerful enough, she can beat one of the most fundamental forces in the universe, but she's forced to accept here that even superwitch can't save everyone.

Sin Francisco: if DTaH is peak superwitch, Sin Francisco is her parting shot. It's everything bad that could come from that version of herself and the last warning she needs to understand that while anxious superwitch acts out in ways that could harm her, so does overconfident superwitch. I think in season 4 we would've gotten one more episode before Prue realized that superwitch isn't a person, it's a persona, and she needs to accept that it's her as a person who makes her a good witch, not the mask she puts on.

*It's unclear to me exactly when the decision to remove Shannen from Charmed was made, but this episode is such a painful reminder of what's going to happen to her character and Shannen's actual passing, yet somehow watching Prue come to terms with death and allowing herself to begin the grieving process is helping me grieve Shannen.

[riddles-n-games]

THL Kiss Drabbles-Pt. 3

A Forever Kind of Love

I waited for Jameson to ask me about the postcards. I waited for him to flirt with me, to touch me, to Jameson Hawthorne the answer out of me. But all he did was hand me a club.

I lined up the shot. Part of me wanted him to come stand behind me, wanted his arms to wrap around mine. Jameson on the roof. Grayson in the maze. My mind was a mess. I was a mess.

I dropped the club.

“My mother was Kaylie Rooney’s sister,” I said. And so it began. It was hard to put into words everything I’d learned, but I managed. The more I said, the easier it was to see Jameson thinking.

The more he thought, the closer to me he came.

“What do you think Toby left in Jackson that’s worth so much?” he asked. “And where in Jackson?” Jameson studied me like my face held the answers. “How long did Toby’s amnesia last? Why stay ‘dead’ once his memory returned?”

“Guilt.” I almost choked on the word, though I couldn’t have explained why. “Toby loathed himself almost as much as he loved my mom.”

That was the first time I’d said that last bit out loud. Toby Hawthorne loved my mother. She loved him. It had been an epic, seaside kind of love. Literally. Just knowing that made me feel like I’d been lying to myself every time I’d pretended that I didn’t have feelings, that things didn’t have to be messy. 

That I could have what I wanted without ever really longing for anything, body and soul. And the truth was that I knew I was. Maybe Max was right, that night at True North, when she said that I didn’t allow myself to want, that I held everybody at arm’s length. 

“Heiress?” There was a question in Jameson’s deep green eyes. I wasn’t sure what he was asking, what he wanted from me. But looking at him, I felt a longing that felt buried deep in my chest and a sob was building up in the back of my throat.

I wonder what he saw. A hopeless romantic? A liar who was actually attached to him? A girl who did long for an epic sort of love? One that would last a lifetime, beyond that. And my inner compass was pointing directly at him, the one person who couldn’t grant me what I wanted. But it was rattling erratically with such force and I couldn’t do anything to stop it. The crazy thing was, I didn’t want it to. 

Maybe I was being irrational but I didn’t want this “no-strings attached” thing anymore. I wanted him, I couldn’t lie to myself any longer, I don’t know why I thought that a no-strings arrangement wouldn’t backfire on me; that I wouldn’t catch feelings. How could I not? 

“Avery?” His voice broke me out of my thoughts. He was closer now and looked concerned as he slowly cupped my cheeks. “What’s wrong?”

I shook my head and a tear slid down my cheek. He swiped it with his thumb. I couldn’t speak, the words were stuck, and the urge to cry was stronger. What wasn’t? Toby’s message to stop looking, I missed my mom, I fell for the guy I told myself I wouldn’t and I wanted to say how I felt but I didn’t know how to. I didn’t want to scare him. But being with Jameson made me realize that we could be more, he could be something to me. I could love and be loved in return. If my mom could have it, even for a short while, why couldn’t I? 

“Kiss me,” I whispered hoarsely. He obliged. His mouth pressed against mine in a perfect, tender, all-consuming kiss. It was everything I needed it to be and I let the tears flow but Jameson caught every single one. He continued to gently brush them away with his thumbs and when he pulled away, he started peppering small kisses on my cheeks, catching each new one that fell. I let him. 

Then, he stopped and I opened my eyes, catching sight of his sad smile. I think he knew. But he surprised me. “I’m here, Heiress. I don’t know what’s going through your head right now but I’m here for you. It’s going to be okay.” 

He leaned forward again and kissed my forehead, bringing an arm around me and stroking my hair gently. I felt like crying again. I wrapped my arms around him tightly, clutching his blazer. “It’s going to be okay, Avery.” It’s going to be okay. And I believed that. I rested my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. Soon, I’ll say it. I’ll tell him how I feel, no matter what. It was going to be okay.

“I think I’m in love with you,” I whispered.

I might have been imagining it but I think he said something back. “I think I’m in love with you, too.”

[libbee]

Ladies,

With Scorpio/Venus in 8th house/Plutonic/Venus in Scorpio placements/Saturn in 5th or 7th house/Saturnian

How is your romantic life dealing with these placements? Did you tell your long term partner about your past and transformations?

-In my experience, it brings a lot of irrational and impulsive experiences especially psychologically. Do you tell your partner your inner thoughts or keep them secretive?

-Going by the precedent, I am afraid of trusting anyone *completely* enough to tell them my secrets because of fear that people can change anytime and be possessed by their temptations and dark traits.

-I do have a desire to be completely honest and pour my heart out (or may be I just like trauma dumping) but at the same time, I will give away the key to my heart to anyone who knows my inner life and holds power over me. I just cannot take that risk.

-Which means these natives are supposed to keep their secrets to themselves hence the 'mysterious' stereotype since they are actually afraid to be manipulated/dominated/controlled.

-What is your relationship theme like - goofy buddies or mature private couple?

-How do you hold all that secret in your tummy? I just feel like exploding (Gemini moon) with all the things I want to say non stop, all my spiritual insights and revelations. I journal things but the desire to blurt it all out contradicted with need for secrecy just creates this paradox in me.

Hoping to hear some experiences with these placements.

[hwnglx]

Hey can you do the same red/green flags reading for yoongi and his fs?

yoongi's future relationship - green + red flags

based on tarot. i do not know these idols personally. energies are always changing. what i say is NOT straight fact. pls take it with a grain of salt!

4ofsw, knofc, hangm, herm&2ofc

+ the energy is sooo beautiful for these two, honestly. they will be each others comfort person, source of peace. the one they can go to when they need a break from everything. especially yoongi will find a lot of solace when being with his future partner. after a long and tiring day, his fs will be the person that gives him a place to rest. i can really picture them lying there in the evening all cuddled up, talking about his day. his partner will be a great listener.

i can also see his future relationship being one that's very transformative, in a way where it'll turn his world upside down, for the lack of better word. like the type of person that comes into your life and makes you see everything in a completely different light. you know how the world can seem more beautiful when you're in love? yoongi is a very dreamy and romantic guy, so he'll be very smitten by them. they'll spark his creativity and ambition, he'll be sooo in love ☹

they'll also make him come out of his shell more. being of such introverted and reserved nature, yoongi can quickly retreat into himself and get lonely sometimes. his future partner will take away that inner loneliness and make him feel loved, and understood. since i can see his fs also being more of an introverted type, it'll very much be a relationship where they'll bond over that shared similarity. they'll only have eyes for each other, and love feeling like it's just the two of them on earth. incredibly sweet relationship.

7ofw, kingofc&3ofp, 8ofw+4ofc, 3ofsw

- i can see yoongi and his fs being so similar also standing in their way in certain instances. the communication can really break down sometimes, especially whenever they get into arguments. i feel like they both aren't really the type to approach the other with the desire to resolve things, so it's likely they'll just sulk for days and days without talking. and break each others hearts even more by doing so. since they both seem so sensitive, they'll both get hurt way too easily by each and every irrational word the other speaks during fights. even after resolving things, it's likely they'll remember what the other said and hold inner grudges for a while.

i also saw this previously, but it seems like his fs might have some problems with possessive and controlling behavior. i can see them bothered by yoongi working with so many people, always being distrustful and suspicious. funny, because i saw this being a potential for conflict in jk's relationship as well. but in yoongi's case, i genuinely see it being more of a serious problem, since his fs seems extra obsessive and can get very harsh when they need to, though their heart seems pretty delicate too. i can see this being a subject of many arguments for them. "i only have eyes for you, so i need you to only have eyes for me too." kinda thing. i'd bet my life on this person having at least one or more scorpio placements.. very intense but sensitive energy.

[8bitsupervillain]

Higurashi When They Cry Hou Ch. 2 Watanagashi pt. 9

Ah young romance, vile, disgusting even.

Keiichi's got you covered if you want some extra tickets to the gun show.

Keiichi the cherry boy.

You can tell that Shion is getting kind of fed up, but is still highly amused by the sheer bumbling antics of Keiichi. That despite telling him point blank directly to his face multiple times she's not Mion he just doesn't get it. So why not tease him?

The casual mention of being a hypothetical bro-con aside, I'm intrigued by what Shion means by "Mion has soft parts that I don't like." Does she think that Mion lacks the killer instinct to do things? That she's too much of a softy in regards to her obligations? It's a very compelling line because it can be interpreted in so many different ways.

What do you mean by that? What does she mean by that? Did Mion steal her man? Is this all an elaborate revenge for young romance? How old is Mion anyway? I just sort of mentally assigned all of the characters the age of about 15, except for Rika and Satoko who are clearly younger. "How old are you Mion?" "Forty-eight!" "Oh god!"

Keiichi you fucking dunce. You utter buffoon. This is so blatantly "Keiichi think I'm cute damn it!" that it's just one step removed from her handing him a piece of paper with that written on it. And even then I'm not sure he'd piece it together!

Fucking scalpers man. No no, the inexpensive item MUST be at least three times as much even though it's readily available! These booster packs of Magic cards have to be twelve dollars when they're normally five! It's an investment.

Did you miss it the first time? Here it is again, being spelled out directly for you.

*thinks back briefly to the last chapter where he beats them to death with a bat* also man that is some worthless advice. "There's no reason to feel hurt by this." That's not how people work! Your stupid irrational brain will run riot over every little thing.

I know this is an emotional scene and everything but I noticed that Rena here is in the desk here. Just standing right in it.

Rena recommending the Just Talk strategy.

I know that it's just because it's how it was written but I did genuinely start believing the idea that Shion and Mion were one and the same in this instance. This series is demonstrating really well how effective the unreliable narrator can be, because look at this. This scene is directly showing you how Mion is feeling about the lack of romantic interest Keiichi has been showing, and it twists and obfuscates it so well that the Shion we've been shown could be a reflection of the inner turmoil Mion feels at not being able to show a more feminine side to the guy she's interested in.

Mion is just a shy girl who lacks the emotional maturity to spell it out to Keiichi that she's interested in him romantically. Maybe it's to try to maintain the friendlationship she has with Keiichi, so she crafts this Shion persona to entice Keiichi with a more traditional feminine idea that he has. To maybe, bit by bit, chip away at Keiichi's walls to be able to get him to love her for who she is, the more masculine commanding type he's used to seeing in the game club.

And then this fucking hand grenade goes off completely 180-ing the entire scene, and most of the chapter up until this point!

The feeling I got when arriving to this scene is extremely hard to put into words. I was completely and utterly bamboozled by this turn of events that it took my breath away.

[frazzledsoul]

I think the discourse on this has faded from my feed, but I didn't want to clog up other people's posts: it's no real use debating how Lane sees Rory's boyfriends, because she's pretty much used as a mouthpiece for how ASP wants the audience to think. She wants the audience to think that Dean is the cutest, most adorable guy ever, so Lane parrots that POV even as she writes him as irrational, jealous and prone to violence. She wants the audience to think that Jess is bad news (except when she's pulling the audience into a false sense of complacency) so Lane parrots that view. She doesn't seem to care how Dean comes off half the time and Jess is defined in his s series regular days as being a total mess (because his issues are largely outside of Rory and his life does not revolve around her) so this works much of the time, until we get into the season 5 era. Then I think it gets wacky.

Lane thinks Jess asking Rory to come away with him is incredibly romantic, while Rory just seems hurt and upset about the whole thing, because she's still angry at him and can't trust him. Then Rory sleeps with Dean, fights with Lorelai about how this is not the greatest idea ever, and Lane is giddy about how romantic it is that she boinked her married ex, someone whose wife Lane probably interacts with several times a week, because they're so in love (even though they weren't twelve hours ago and won't be twelve hours from now) and it doesn't even occur to her to question how messed up this is? She was not trying to be supportive, she genuinely thought this was an adorable love story. Gag me. Of course, Lane is once again the audience mouthpiece, because Lorelai is the voice of morality that Rory doesn't want to listen to and we're supposed to think this shit is cute, even though Rory hightails it out of the country the next day because while she might be happy to lose her virginity at last, she knows Lorelai is right and she needs to remove herself from this situation.

(And at this late date I do think it was mostly about getting laid, because Rory put zero thought into what it would be like to actually date Dean again. Marty was right there, Rory. Wouldn't have caused you this much trouble. Just saying).

The thing is that Lane's reaction was already so WTF that it makes even less sense that later in season 5 she's revealed to want to hang onto her virginity until she's married and that she also marries and has children young. So this girl is quickly revealed to have a conservative code of personal ethics (something that wasn't that out of line with how she previously acted, because she was so naive) yet ASP chose to have her rhapsodize about how awesome it was that her best friend slept with a married man? Make it make sense, hon.

Lane doesn't really have an opinion on Logan because she doesn't know him. She only meets him twice (!)and for the most part Rory doesn't talk about him to Lane. After Zach finds out about Lane's pregnancy, Lane mostly talks to him about the babies, not Rory. They seem to have these adult spheres of influence that they won't confide in the other in because they won't understand, although I don't think it shifts completely until season 7.

Then you have AYITL. Lane unwisely allows Rory to crash at her house for weeks on end, and it's clear that she knows all of Rory's dirty business about Logan, and she doesn't judge her but also.... doesn't seem to want him near Rory and when Rory cuts Logan off tells her that growing up is sometimes hard. I don't think her inner monologue on this is anything close to what it was the last time Rory was caught in a cheating scandal.

[bookwyrminspiration]

E.L. James terrifies me. My mother thinks fifty shades is a beautiful love story (I might’ve already said that, but this is a cry for help). You are so brave for reading that godforsaken series. Please cleanse your mind soon

Did. Did your mother and I read the same series WHERE did she get that from. They meet, are immediately horny for each other (fair enough, if not my thing), and then spend a month and a half fighting, fucking, and fighting some more. And then they get married (yeah, month and a half. christian literally tells her they can get to know each other after they get married.) and guess what? they proceed to be married and fight. and fuck. and fight some more

Christian's way of "talking" things through when they have a problem is to say "I hate arguing with you" and to have sex. He says "let's not fight" and just wants them to move on without addressing it because he doesn't want to argue! I don't think they've once had a disagreement and talked it through like civil adults they're always yelling. And Christian's inner monologue is "i gotta seduce her. I gotta get her in bed. that way I'll know we're okay". and maybe this is just me but I feel like, perhaps, you should have at least one other measure of being okay

he's got this "need" to be in control and obeyed. and he is! so irrational about it! he literally canceled a meeting in DC and flew back from NYC to Seattle on his private jet once because Ana decided to go out for a drink with a friend instead of back to the apartment like she originally promised (there was a dangerous individual at large, but she had multiple security personnel with her at the time). he canceled his meetings and drove to her work to confront her in person because she wanted to keep her last name at work once. and he also literally bought the company where she worked when she got hired. i'm not even scratching the SURFACE of how annoyingly overbearing and invasive he is. he didn't speak to her for like a whole day when she said she wouldn't promise to obey him in their wedding vows

Ana promises never to leave Christian no matter what on multiple occasions and I'm. I think you should have a stipulation bbg. I think there should be a point at which you do walk out. Eternal devotion no matter what is not romantic or healthy, he can do things that are too much. You walked out on him once please keep that mindset

Oh my god. I was about to look up EL James' stance on queerness (because there's some questionable things in the books) and apparently in 2019 she teased that she might write a queer bdsm novel...I am so afraid.

Anyway. your mother needs to raise her standards, nonsie. and thank you, I fully intend to reset my brain as best as I can as soon as possible--fortunately, reading other books through this has lessened the blow a little :)

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

I’ve just finished Josie Long’s recently released short story collection, Because I Don’t Know What You Mean and What You Don’t, and holy hell, was it ever good. I mean, I expected it to be good, because it’s Josie Long. But I don’t really know exactly what I expected it to be, as I have not read a lot of short story collections in my life. I just knew she was going to deliver something that would be worth the time, and she really, really did.

Short stories aren’t a big draw for me mainly because I tend to like longer things; you can get across a short plot and a basic iteration of a theme and/or message in a short story, but it’s not generally enough to really get to know a character. And if I’m going to get into a bit of fiction, I like to do that. The big thing Josie Long managed to do with these stories was make the writing so immediate that it felt like we did know all the characters, even in the limited time and space.

Every story was written in incredibly close first-person – aside from one, I guess, which was sort of second-person, in that it used this dialogue-only trick that I thought was amazingly effective. They all read like a stream of consciousness. Like they weren’t just a description of something that happened – they were a transcription of the inner monologue that someone had while they experienced something, and we can work out what they experienced based on that monologue. This meant that sometimes I had to scramble a bit to keep up and work out the narrative, but I think that was the point. Doing that kept me even more engaged in the stories. The settings and circumstances and even the identify of the viewpoint character unfold a little at a time.

It’s fairly wide-ranging in topics, but keeps coming back to the same themes, which is what I’d expect from Josie Long, and I loved all of it. Hope and anxiety and uncertainty and longing, and I realize those words are broad enough so they could describe the themes of just about all fiction, but she really gets into them, from so many different angles. And then more specific things, like the way causes and ideals get transformed across years and generations, the way individual feelings and relationships still matter in existential struggles, justice versus compassion, people trying to understand each other across experience gaps. And capitalist alienation and class analysis, obviously. Obviously Josie Long brings it all back to class-based struggles.

Here's one really specific thing: she has a couple of stories – one in particular, but also a few more – that touch on unrequited love in a really intense and detailed way, and I realized I haven’t heard that all that often from a female perspective. Which says more about me than about the world, I think, as there definitely are lots of stories out there about unrequited love from a female perspective. But it does happen that probably too high a proportion of my music and stand-up comedy collections are by men, and that’s where I get most of my stories, and most of the time the gender of the artist doesn’t make much of a difference anyway, but romantic love does tend to be a gender-subject. And sometimes I find myself relating more to stories like that from straight men than from straight women, as my stories were more about being into girls who didn’t like me than boys, but still, I didn’t realize until I heard this tell it from the female perspective, how much I appreciated getting that side.

I thought the title drop was brilliant. Really hard-hitting moment, and the right call to name the whole book after that.

Having said that, I did read a few things other people said about the book, and saw several comments on it being a female-driven book overall, and I have what I think is an irrational level of annoyance toward that view. I mean, the fact that it’s written by a woman obviously affects the perspective. And a lot of the stories are told by female protagonists. But some of the stories have male protagonists, and almost all of them are universal.

I don’t think it’s always bad to characterize a book as being “female-driven”. The last book I heard before this one was Fern Brady’s Strong Female Character, and I’d understand saying it about that one. That one talked a lot about how Fern Brady’s life has been affected by misogyny, and other female-specific experiences (hence the title). And that’s not a bad thing at all, it’s good to have books about that! I just don’t think Josie Long’s book really is one of those things, and that is also fine. This book does touch on sexism and gendered oppression, and you don’t come out of it doubting whether the author’s a feminist, and it covers some stuff that does feel female-specific. But it takes so many different perspectives on so many different issues, it covers such a broad range of ways to look at things. It’s nitpicky to complain about this, as I see why people would call it a book about female issues and that’s not completely wrong, but also, Daniel Kitson can write one poignant play about a woman who’s pining for her ex-boyfriend and a man who plays guitar on the street and a man who calls a TV station when he’s lonely and a couple who go to clubs, and no one says he writes about men’s loneliness, you know? It’s recognized as universal. Josie Long's book has some stuff that I think happens to women in a way it doesn’t happen to men, and from my own female perspective I like reading that stuff, but also, so much of the book feels universal. There’s just so much going on, so many different things in each story, it’s so much bigger than any one thing.

Even with all the range, you can feel how much of herself Josie Long put into the book. I recognize a few little parts of a few of the stories from her autobiographical stand-up, though I believe the vast majority of the actual characters and events in the book are entirely fictional. But more than that, her perspective is in there. The simultaneous pessimism and hope. The way she can be dark but not bleak, find something that matters in the worst situations. The way she finds the stories worth telling in the apocalypse. There is an apocalypse, by the way. I got fairly near the end and was surprised that none of the stories had featured a dystopian, post-climate/fascist apocalypse society, but it’s okay, she did get to that in the last couple of stories. But even in the stories that don’t involve an all-out apocalypse, all the stories are applying some kind of socialist lens to everyone’s problems.

A few of the stories remind me a bit of The Perimeter, the one-off thing she did with Liam Williams a few years ago. In fact, that one almost could have been one of the stories in this book. Some also had shades of Super November. I’d say I think she drew from those previous things she’d done while writing in a few of these stories, except that I’m pretty sure those themes just make it into everything she does.

A few of the stories are based around some really creative, original ideas. And lots of them are based around common, well-trodden ground, but her perspective is so individual that it feels fresh no matter what she talks about. It’s engrossing and thought provoking and emotionally effective and complicated.

Also, I’m pretty sure she can write. I’m not exactly an expert on this, but I do know a few little things about the “artform” of properly good writing, given that I work as an editor (which I realize you would not know from my Tumblr posts, I realize that more every time I reread one and catch all kinds of typos, but I am actually all right it when someone’s paying me to edit stuff), and I’m pretty sure this is good. I’ve read a bunch of books written by comedians, and for many of them, I can tell the technical writing level isn’t quite what you’d expect from someone who’s an author first and foremost, but I don’t mind that, since I want to hear what the comedian has to say whether they’re a technically proficient writer or not. There have been a few exceptions to that, comedians who wrote books that feels really technically well written. The main ones I can think of right now being Alan Davies, Sandi Toksvig, and now Josie Long.

It's just really good. I listened to the audiobook, and in my experience with comedians’ books, I have found that what they (well, some of them, not all) lack in technical writing proficiency, they often make up for in being really good at reading their own writing for the audiobook. Which makes sense, as they have lots of practice with that skill from stand-up. Hearing the inflection in Josie Long’s voice on the audiobook adds a lot to the stories, I think. But I’m still planning to at some point get the physical book, too, and I’m looking forward to that.

[knightlysoulsnatcher]

i can’t see The Hometown Menace because of the pandemic and logically that’s probably for the best but this clown is just sad tonight

[samuoni]

i love how each one of the yeom siblings is relatable but in completely different ways. and relatable not in the "i do this (sometimes)" sense but "it feels like someone ripped open my chest and looked inside" sense.

there's gi jeong with her irrational fear of embarrassment, driving her to the point of faking an accident. nothing makes me feel more seen than the visual representation of me wanting to get hit by a truck every time i feel like i've been perceived. why can't you, the world, shut your eyes off to me existing? feeling tired to the core, all day every day without a valid reason to back it up. wanting to take off your arms and legs for a moment, wishing for someone to carry you and scrub your back. analogies that never sit right with anyone. i'm sorry i told you that i would pick up my lover's severed head, do you still think i'm hot? guilt soaring so high in your system that you're on your knees, bowing down to what? you don't know yourself. but bowing down nonetheless - i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry - as the moonlight creeps in.

chang hee with his lack of direction in life, living from one day to the next in itself can be be a chore at times and he's felt it. how do you expect me to peer into the future when i barely managed to survive today? why can't that be enough? realization dawning upon you that you might be the very thing you hate and wanting to slap the wits out of yourself because of it. in constant search for an elder male figure to validate you because you never received any from the one whose blood and bones are your very own. tell me i worked hard. tell me to rest. giving up on persuing romantic interests because you know, just know, that you will not be enough.

and mi jeong. mi jeong my beloved. no character has touched the inner workings of my soul as much as her. not feeling like you belong in public settings, forcing yourself to smile and nod because that's what they've told you will make you worthy of acceptance. wondering how people living on top of the world don't just jump off, thunderstorms making you comfortable because all you've ever wanted is for the world to end. never finding the strength in yourself to fight back, never being able to free yourself from the familiarity of attachments, never feeling complete. she's exactly what the personification of daily life existentialism would look like, neither happy nor sad, stuck in a repetitive state of being. how do you not want to coddle her in your arms? frogs getting torn to shreds, bad-mouthing your senior at work, biting into the flesh of what you adore - discovering that loving is listening, loving is saying out loud whatever comes to mind.

i will take this reassurance - you, too, can live the life of a main character - down to my grave.

[your-astro-mami]

Intercepted Signs/Houses/Planets

Interception - when a House  is larger than 30 degrees and is engulfing an entire sign. 

As you can see in my friends chart the Houses go as followed:

1st House/Ascendant starts in Libra, 2nd House starts Scorpio, 3rd House starts in Sagittarius, 4th House starts in Capricorn. 5th and 6th House start Pisces...10th House starts in Cancer, 11th and 12th start in Virgo.

No House STARTS in Aquarius and Leo and the 4th/10th Houses are engulfing the entire signs, so Aquarius and Leo are the intercepted signs. (I have poorly marked them).

They take place in the 4th and 10th House so those are the intercepted houses. 

Then we have the planets. Intercepted planets are the planets in those signs. In his chart we have Uranus and Neptune in Aquarius and a Mercury in Leo. Therefore Uranus, Neptune and Mercury are the intercepted planets.

You can have more than 1 pair of intercepted signs.

Now, after you have found your intecepted signs, houses and possible planets, here is my analysis.

Intercepted Signs

Intercepted Aries/Libra

Aries - Lack of courage and the ability to go after what you want. Dependancy on others. Procrastination. Too much fantasies and not enough action.

Libra - Lack of self-worth and self-acceptance which can interfere with their relationships, especially romantic ones. Trouble with equality in relationships. They might be seen as the givers and people may take advantage of them.

Intercepted Taurus/Scorpio

Taurus - Troubles with finishing things they have started. General laziness and lack of long-term responsibility and commitment in that area of life. 

Scorpio -  They won’t confront issues or people that bother them. They can forgive too easily or swipe things under the rug. Buildup of pressure and stress due to avoidance and neglect.

Intercepted Gemini/Sagittarius

Gemini - Might be close-minded and rational and refuse to accept other points of view or ideas they don’t understand. Tends to keep useless information.

Sagittarius - Difficulty expressing opinions. Might be bad at backing up their arguments or making their point. Other people might not take them seriously.

Intercepted Cancer/Capricorn

Cancer - Troubles expressing their feelings. Troubles being comfortable in that area of life. Emotions that come out suddenly and are deemed irrational. Could become emotionally demanding and whiny.

Capricorn - Troubles turning their plans into reality. Could lack organization and discipline. Could refuse to work hard and just accept the way things are. 

Intercepted Leo/Aquarius

Leo - Others might come to them for help but never ask how they are and give them attention. They could experience lack of reassurance and support from others. 

Aquarius - They may want to follow the crown and refuse to accept who their individuality. They may feel repressed throughout their life until the day it all builds up and explodes in the form of rebellion.

Intercepted Virgo/Pisces

Virgo - Lack of duty and responsibility. Could be very selfish and expect others to do things for them for nothing in return.

Pisces - Can’t tell when their dreams are realistic and achievable. Could lack empathy for others. Easily falls for lies and manipulation.

Intercepted Houses: 

Intercepted 1st/7th House

The intercepted signs are presenting themselves in yourself/your approach to the world(1st House ) and your relationships(7th House). They may think others underestimate them and their abilities. They don’t receive enough attention or praise. Troubles in romantic relationships or business. 

Intercepted 2nd/8th House

The intercepted signs are presenting themselves in your values/possessions/self-worth(2nd House) and sexuality/shared finances and investments(8th House). Possible lack of self-worth, financial troubles or irresponsibility. Might depend on others for money. Troubles with investments or their sexuality.

Intercepted 3rd/9th House

The intercepted signs are presenting themselves in your communication/siblings(3rd House) and travel/education/beliefs(9th House). Troubles with communicating their ideas or relationship with their siblings. Circumstances might not allow them to travel or explore their beliefs, pursue higher education.

Intercepted 4th/10th House

The intercepted signs are presenting themselves in your home/family/domestic duties(4th House) and reputation/career(10th House). Troubles in their family. Possibility they weren’t paid enough attention as a child. Troubles regarding their career and reputation. They may not receive the praise or success they deserve.

Intercepted 5th/11th House

The intercepted signs are presenting themselves in your hobbies/romance/creativity/fun and friend group/hopes and wishes(11th House). Lack of passion for hobbies or circumstances don’t allow them to indulge in their hobbies or romantic affairs. Troubles expressing creativity. Troubles with friendships.

Intercepted 6th/12th House

The intercepted signs are presenting themselves in work/duties/habits(6th House) and your inner world and healing(12th House). Troubles at work, troubles with habits and duties, troubles with health. Tendency to self-sabotage.

Intercepted Planets

Intercepted Sun - Their ego isn’t fulfilled. They may feel like they aren’t allowed to express self-love or receive attention without being ridiculed.

Intercepted Moon - Troubles with emotions and their mother. They may keep their feelings bottled up.

Intercepted Mercury - Troubles with communicating their thoughts and ideas. 

Intercepted Venus - Hard time expressing or receiving love and feelings confident. 

Intercepted Mars - Lack of energy and assertiveness. 

Intercepted Jupiter - They may feel unlucky and pessimistic, like the world isn’t doing any good for them.

Intercepted Saturn - Troubles with commitment and organization, responsibility.  

Intercepted Uranus - They could be misunderstood. They may keep quiet and hide their true self. They go by the rules.

Intercepted Neptune - They accept the harsh reality and refuse to dream or fantasize about what they truly want.

Intercepted Pluto - May experience lack of control or feel powerles.

With Intercepted Planets, in order to manage or get through these troubles one must rely mainly on themselves.

Intercepted signs/planets/houses can experience repression which can become buildup that might one day explode and you turn into the opposite of whom others thought you were.

[morgana-ren]

5 + 6 for the ask game?

ℍ𝕠𝕨 𝕗𝕒𝕤𝕥 𝕠𝕣 𝕤𝕝𝕠𝕨 𝕨𝕠𝕦𝕝𝕕 𝕙𝕖 𝕥𝕒𝕜𝕖 𝕒 𝕣𝕖𝕝𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕡, 𝕨𝕠𝕦𝕝𝕕 𝕙𝕖 𝕥𝕒𝕜𝕖 𝕤𝕝𝕠𝕨 𝕠𝕣 𝕘𝕠 𝟘 𝕥𝕠 𝟙𝟘𝟘 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕨𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕨𝕠𝕦𝕝𝕕 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕗𝕚𝕣𝕤𝕥 𝕥𝕚𝕞𝕖 𝕥𝕠𝕘𝕖𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣 𝕓𝕖 𝕝𝕚𝕜𝕖

So, it's a little mixture of both, I feel like.

Tomura is slow to move into a relationship. So terribly slow to move, it’s like trying to pour molasses in the winter.

It's easier to maneuver through razor wire without getting shredded than it is to get close to him in any capacity. His natural state is “I’ll allow you in my space because you benefit me. Not because I enjoy you.” He just wasn’t socialized the way most humans were, and he sees himself as inherently above them at worst and indifferent to their presence at best. Breaking through those mental defenses is strenuous, difficult, and downright insulting at times. 

Tomura is antagonistic by nature; he likes his little tests and games. He’s theatric and a bit of a drama queen. His emotions tend to get out of control very fast, and his ability to reign in impulses isn’t necessarily great. Getting close to him means you’re probably going to be taking a bit of unnecessary abuse to prove you can handle who he is as a person. His prods and rude comments, his expectation of unwavering obedience when it comes to goals, his irrational temper, these are all parts of him that don’t just go away once he’s fond of you. It’s not always sheer sadism, but he’d be lying if he said that being cruel didn’t occasionally soothe his inner fires. 

Once that romantic avenue is open to you, it’s difficult to know what to expect, mostly because he doesn’t really know what in the hell he’s doing. Romance and all of its various off-shoots weren’t something he was entirely prepared for or ever really expected to be completely honest. He’s clumsy and callous and retains all of his negative behavior despite the connection you supposedly share. He doesn’t understand why you’d want to take things slowly or go on a simple date together- it seems pointless to him. 

He wants what he wants when he wants it, and that’s that. He doesn’t want unlockable levels- What’s even the point of that if we’re already together?- He wants everything open to him when he wants to play it. He wants to Konami code his way through the relationship to get to where he wants to be, which is in the final stage. Once you’re his ‘girlfriend’, he doesn’t see the point in taking it slow anymore. He’s already proven himself to you, hasn’t he? He lets you in his room, he lets you be his space, what more do you need?

That’s not to say he doesn’t care about you, as he clearly does. But Tomura is very much all or nothing. He wants to be able to keep you at arms length when he feels vulnerable and smother you when he doesn’t and he doesn’t take your feelings into account. It’s not intentional or to hurt you- these things are how he’s always protected himself. He’s not used to letting that wall down.

You can’t necessarily train him out of these behaviors, but as your relationship progresses, you can use a bit of patience to curb them. He’s a quick learner, and whether he shows it or not, he’ll want to make you happy. Positive reinforcement works best. Negative reinforcement makes him defensive and angry but in serious offenses will get the point across. Essentially, you have to classically condition your boyfriend out of bad behavior. He will always be Shigaraki, but especially after a while, he’ll allow you to burrow underneath that iron shell he wears and carve out a weakness. He’ll understand more when you tell him no and pout less when you don’t do what he wants. He frustrates easily when he doesn’t understand something, but sometimes a bit of gentle guiding helps him get it a bit more. 

As for your first time, if you’re looking for something soft and romantic, you’ve probably picked the wrong guy. 

It’s strange how random it is. He’s excited, muscles taut as he latches onto your hand and drags you away to his room with such intensity that you can practically feel the electricity spark across him. It’s rare to see him so enthusiastic about anything, so you’re not sure what to expect as he sits you down on his ragged bed, smiling a bit too widely. Frantic is one word you could use to describe how he looks, but there’s also twitching- he’s nervous about something. 

He just stares at you for a moment, and it’s a bit unnerving. Beady red eyes studying you, occasionally wetting his lips with a thin swipe of his tongue. It’d be almost humorous from anyone else, but from him, it’s equal parts confusing and fear inducing. It’s hard to read the emotions on his face since joy is so easily coupled with spite, negative usually coupled with positive in his mind. You’re not sure what to expect here, and you tell him as much. 

There’s no prelude to him practically attacking you, pushing harsh on your shoulders until your back against his lumpy mattress, leaning over you and shoving his tongue past your teeth. You’re no stranger to his spontaneous frenzied episodes, but he starts pawing at the neckline of your shirt, trying to stretch the hem down your shoulder, his other hand trying yank the bottom up over your chin like his own body can’t decide how to get it off, only united in the need to remove it. 

You’re able to fend him off with light pushes of your palms on his chest, if only long enough to ask what he’s doing. 

“I want to.” Is all he says, raspy and breathless and practically bouncing on his heels. A man of few words. At least at this particular moment. He’s more interested in actions right now, his hand trying to worm down the front of your pants. 

It doesn’t take a genius to know what he’s getting at. It’s like it dawned on him suddenly that he has a girlfriend and occasionally boyfriends get to fuck their girlfriends. His computer monitor is deliberately turned off and the lotion is by the keyboard again. It’s safe to assume it finally clicked. 

Trying to guide him through the motions is difficult, to say the least. He wants everything and he wants it right now, like he’s saved every porno clip he ever enjoyed in his mind and has been saving it for this moment. He’s all over you, ripping your pants off and palming at your pussy and nipping at your breasts and running hands over every ounce of skin he can, all while humping against your thigh like an overenthusiastic mutt in a rut and speedrunning through everything he wants to feel from you- your tight, wet cunt, your mouth, your backdoor, everything you have to offer.

It takes a bit of control to get him to slow it down since he was clearly already worked up when he sought you out. It’s not hard to tell he’s a virgin and probably won’t last, so instead you have to take a little bit of a lead. Gently guide him down to the bed and tug his pants below his hips. He won’t let you remove them fully, not yet, so instead you just slip your hand below that worn elastic band that rounds his upper thighs and bring his cock out. He’s blushing already, torn between wanting to cover himself and wanting you to get to it, so you oblige him. 

Tomura decides very quickly that he loves his cock in your mouth. Too much. He’s genuinely pained in this decision: Telling you not to dare make him cum yet, and holding you down by your hair as you take him to the hilt and swallow him down alongside everything he spurts into your belly. Luckily you’re a small voice of reason and are able to coax him away, holding him hostage only long enough that you can slip your panties down your thighs and reposition him on top of you, kicking the rest of his pants down onto the floor with your foot.

This is the most anxious you’ve ever seen him. He’s sweating from the neck, a curtain of silvery hair hanging over your face, his pinkies twitching as he keeps his body held above yours, knees knocking against your splayed legs. He swallows hard, looking unsure- a very unfamiliar, very uncomfortable look- and it’s obvious he doesn’t entirely know what to do. He doesn’t want to hurt you; he wants to make you feel good too. But fucking his fist and fucking his lover are two totally separate worlds. He won’t ask for help, he’s far too proud, but it’s not hard to see. 

Instead of letting him simmer uncertainty, you kiss him, one arm threading around his neck and pulling him closer, the other reaching between your thighs and guiding him where he needs to be, rolling against his bare cock a few times and eliciting a small but adorable gasp from him as he feels your heat. After a few strokes, you place him at your hole and allow him to sink inside of you painfully slow, gravity lowering him down more than any active effort on his part. 

He doesn’t have the mental capacity to keep kissing you, not when his entire body is positively frozen in mind-encompassing bliss, stuffed up all nice and snug between your legs. He fits like a glove inside, hips settling against your inner thighs as he experimentally pumps a few times. It’s rare he has trouble finding words but all he can offer in this situation is a breathy ‘Fuck’ exhaled into your mouth as your insides squeeze him so tightly he has to rationalize his existence. 

But like I said, Tomura is all or nothing. He’s quick to begin pounding into you, using his knees as leverage to fuck up into you as he steadies himself with one hand. Turns out he’s a vocal lover, mumbling incoherent dirty talk and praises between scratchy moans in your mouth as his shitty little bed knocks against the wall in rhythmic fashion.

“Fuck- So good, so fucking good- Nng- You’ve been holding out on me- S-should have fucked you before-”

He’s not quite confident in himself or what he’s doing yet, and he cums pretty fast. He collapses on top of you after a few minutes, breathing heavy and heart pounding against your chest. When he finally looks at you, he blinks big red eyes at you like you’ve shown him some grand and terrible secret. Like he suddenly understands. 

Your rest doesn’t last long. Once that door is open, he kicks a doorjam in to keep it open. He’s got a lot of things he wants to try, a lot of things he wants to experience with you. 

Several hard drives worth. 

[euphoricsunflowers]

my one and only — yoo kihyun

a/n: here she finally is!! i hope you guys like it!! especially you fairy joo anon!!

word count: 2.9k (i know!! it’s the same length as the other two combined!!)

content: sub!siren!kihyun, dom!fem!reader, oral (fem receiving), pegging, hints of choking(?), yep just like in the first one you do almost die and yes the other siren is wonho, this is also one of those pieces that is only partly smutty, the whole piece is romantic and cheesy and i'm in love with it <3

summary: overwhelmed and dazed with thoughts of a certain siren, you learn that if you call out for the siren that’s fallen for you: he’ll answer.

part 1 | part 2

it’s been so long since you went back to the beach. you’d say that you had almost forgotten your proposed date with a certain siren, but that’d be a lie. he hasn’t left your mind since you first heard his voice, saw his delicate yet sharp features. you were completely enamoured with him, though unsure if you loved the siren or if you’d truly just fallen for a boy with a soft heart and a cheeky smile.

but you do know that that unforgettable little siren is the reason you’re at the beach once more. it’s cold and dark out, so you’re 100% sure this is a bad idea, but your heart is calling out for him, and there’s no not doing this. you take your first step into the water, flinching at the frigid temperatures, but continuing on, forcing yourself to keep going until you could completely start swimming, swimming out to the exact same spot.

your entire body feels frozen like an icicle, and it’s hard to pinpoint just how much time you have left until your body completely succumbs to hypothermia. maybe this was incredibly irrational, now that you think about it, because it absolutely was, and it feels like you’re going to die because this siren’s got control of your head.

that is, until you hear a faint humming, the sound soothing you, turning the cold surrounding you from painful, sure death to a comforting blanket wrapped around you, the hum is enough to completely relax you. it’s at this point you’d be worried about drowning, but the humming becomes soft singing, it just won’t stop and you just feel so relaxed, there’s no reason to worry about it.

but that voice doesn’t sound like him. it’s softer, it’s lighter, and it’s clearly not kihyun. kihyun’s voice is sharper, it’s powerful and overwhelming, the kind of voice you get addicted to instantly, willing to die if just to keep hearing it. this voice was almost hesitant, shy, the kind of voice to fall for, it’s pretty and it’s cute and it’s not kihyun.

kihyun, please, your mind begs as you start to feel lightheaded, come to me.

arms wrap around you, keeping you from thrashing around more and trying to swim to the surface, to save yourself like you did once more. the voice keeps singing, still soft and hushed, like a whisper in your ear, it’s dizzying and makes your head spin.

you suddenly feel the arms release you, and you take the opportunity to snap out of it and swim to the surface, you barely make it, but you do. the burning in your lungs hits you all at once, but slowly dies down as you breathe more and cough up all the water.

“my love,” you hear, and you almost cry out of relief. that’s his voice, that’s him.

“kihyun,” you mumble in response, so close to passing out, it's amazing you’ve stayed conscious this long, “kihyun, kihyun…”

“it’s me, it’s me, just relax. i’ll bring us to shore,” he whispers, and it’s easy to just reach out for his hand that he’s extending for you, and that’s when you lose consciousness.

—

you awaken with a dangerous fit of coughing, looking around in the dark blurrily. you’re not awake enough to process what he’s saying, but kihyun, suddenly in a more human-looking form, doesn’t seem super thrilled with you, “i can’t believe you came for me at this time, when it’s this cold, wearing this, i know me being a siren can make people irrational, but god you’re dumb.”

“hehe, and you’re really cute when you’re mad,” you mumble, touching your fingertip to his nose, making a ‘boop’ sound when you feel his skin. his cheeks are always flushed-looking, but you’re sure it flusters him, you can see it in the way he coughs at the awkward moment and can’t meet your eyes.

“oh god, i don’t know what to do, you’re clearly going to die from the cold water if i don’t get you a jacket, maybe even if i do. and i don’t even know where i’d get you something to wear,” he mutters frantically, but you weakly reach your hand up to cup his cheek (obviously temperature doesn’t bother him) and he cups his hand over yours, kissing the inside of your palm, “stay with me, my crazy and irrational love.”

“crazy over you,” you flirt with a wink, which doesn’t exactly help the situation, and he’s not amused by your antics, too worried for you, “there’s a lost and found by the pier, maybe you’ll find a jacket there.”

he nods, pressing a kiss to your forehead before running off, trying to be quick. you lay there, on the sand, shivering and half close to death, until he returns with a long jacket and some boots for you. he’s also fully clothed now, and you realize he was probably naked the whole time you were dying, “is there somewhere we can go to get you warmed up? where do you live?”

“i walked here, help me up and i’ll guide us there,” you say, and he does just that, helping you, but before you can start walking, he cups your hands, trying to blow hot breath on them to warm them.

“i just wanted to say,” he starts, genuinely looking so small and vulnerable and in love like this, “despite how dumb and irrational it was, thank you for coming back for me.”

ha, that’s what i should be thanking you for, you think, but you smile, holding his hand as you lead the way.

—

you sit with him in front of the fireplace, drinking hot chocolate as he hums in your ear, lulling you into a more calm state, all the anxiety and fear over the fact that you nearly just died leave you body.

“i'm sure this wasn’t what you had in mind for our date,” he mumbles, chuckling with a hint of sass in his words.

“nonsense,” you respond, reaching out to grab his hand, holding it in yours as you speak, seeing the way he eyes your hands, “we can still have an amazing date! do you want some hot chocolate too?”

“i’ve never tried it…?”

you facepalm dramatically and he chuckles at your antics, “oh! right! you’re a siren! you’ve probably never tried a lot of things...uhm okay...i bet you’ll love it though!”

“then yes, i’d like some,” he smiles charmingly, and you make a cup of hot chocolate for him too, making sure to put a lot of marshmallows just for him. he won’t know how much of a declaration of true love that is, the fact that you gave him more marshmallows than you’d even give yourself. he doesn’t need to know that yet.

you give him the hot chocolate, and he seems to really like it, drinking it quickly like the temperature doesn’t even bother him, “this is really good! please make me more,” he smiles with some chocolate dripping down his chin.

“don’t move,” you murmur as you lean in, licking the chocolate off his chin and leaving a peck on his lips, smirking. you don’t leave his space, staying so close that you can feel his nervous breaths against your face, cupping his cheek while you adjust yourself so you’re on top of him, “kihyun,” you murmur, leaning in to kiss him again.

he groans, breaking the kiss slightly, as your hand fondles his chest, flicking at his nipple just to get a reaction out of him. your kisses move down from his lips to his jaw and settling on his neck. you nibble and suck gently as he tilts his head away from you, giving you as much access to his neck as you please.

“you ready to repay that favor?” you murmur in his ear, feeling the way he shivers underneath you.

“thought i did that when i saved your life,” he responds cheekily, smiling with those pretty eyes dimples that you want to kiss and kiss until your lips are blue. he’s always so unintentionally distracting.

“kihyun,” your tone is warning, and he caves instantly, immediately becoming much more docile and puppy eyed.

“what do you need me to do? i'm afraid i’m a bit.. inexperienced…” he mumbles the last part, almost seeming ashamed, but you press a kiss to his forehead, getting off of him and sitting back down on the couch.

“sit on the floor, between my legs, my kihyun,” you motion for him to move, and he does, slipping off the couch, onto his knees in front of you in an instant. his movements are so graceful and gentle, it’s like everything he does entrances anyone around him, “here, i’ll take off my pants and underwear,” you say as you do just that, “alright, now, lean in, kiss my inner thigh just a bit.”

he says he doesn’t know what he’s doing and yet he easily throws one of your legs over his shoulder and leans in, doing exactly as you instruct, leaving gentle, wet kisses as he gets closer and closer.

you guide him through every part of eating you out: teaching him to suck on your clit, how to use his tongue just right, but the thing affecting you the most is his groans and moans that you can feel deep inside, the sound and feeling of him being ten times as overwhelming like this.

you tug him around by his hair if only to make him more vocal, keep him whining and whimpering against you, “c’mon ki, be useful and make me cum,” he keeps doing just as you showed him, but honestly it’s more you grinding against his face as you got close that set you over the edge.

you breathe heavily, still reeling from the orgasm, as he falls back on his hands breathing also quite hard, “i haven’t cum that hard in so long,” you smile as you catch your breath, watching the way he seems nervous, adjusting himself to cover an obvious erection, “oh is kihyun needy too?”

“yes, he is,” he groans dryly. you motion for him to come closer with your finger, and he does exactly that.

“then you’re gonna like what comes next, baby,” you whisper before you lean in to kiss him once more, pulling him up so you’re both standing, and leading him to your bedroom.

you push him onto the end and he’s left dazed as you go through your drawer, pulling out a pretty pink strap-on and a few other things. you can see how he gulps, seemingly nervous as you come closer.

“are you okay with this, baby?” he nods without a bit of hesitance.

“absolutely, i just— is this going to hurt?”

“no, no no i promise it won’t. and if it does, we’ll stop immediately. this is all for you,” you reassure, and he takes a few deep breaths before letting you pull him onto your lap. the borrowed pants and boxers that don’t exactly fit his body come off so easily and he whines as your lubed-up fingers prod gently at his hole.

“m-my love,” he whimpers, gently holding onto your shirt, “it feels too good, you feel too good.”

“yeah? then i can’t wait for what you’ll feel like when it’s my strap-on in you, baby. don’t you want me to fill you up like that?”

“mmm, yeah, i know you want to ruin me, so do it, my love,” he groans as you start to finger him, keeping going until he’s completely comfortable and then adding another finger, stretching him even more, “i know i'm irresistible, i know i’ll make you feel better than anyone else, i know my voice ruins you, so ruin all of me, won’t you?”

you almost growl at his words, ferocious in the way you handle him, “you shouldn’t talk like that.”

“why?”

“because i truly won’t be able to control myself anymore,” and in an instant, he’s lowering himself onto your strap, his mouth hanging open as he adjusts to the size.

“y-you’re so big,” he mumbles, closing his eyes as he gets comfortable, wiggling his hips around experimentally, moaning cutely. one of his hands goes up to cover his mouth, but you pull it away, holding both of his arms in place so he has no choice but to moan freely for you.

“you say that but you’re already fucking yourself on my strap, baby,” you giggle, holding him close, his back to your chest, “keep riding me, ki, show me how desperate you can get.”

he does exactly that, pleasing himself as you sit there, listening to his angelic moans, like they’re almost hypnotic. instead of using them to silence himself, he reaches his hands back to hold onto you, and you let your hands wander, one touching his aching length and the other wrapping gently around his neck. his breathing halts, even without any pressure from your hand.

it’s almost ironic, how it’s him that can’t breathe this time. your kisses on the side on his neck leave him weak and he loses rhythm on top of you. you help him by gripping his waist and forcing his body to keep pace, “baby,” you murmur in between pecks.

“y-yeah?” his stuttering, breathless voice and the ache for more in his words makes you groan, gripping his neck tighter, and he throws his head back onto your shoulder.

“tell me how good my cock makes you feel, baby,” you lazily stroke his length, using the leftover lube from when you fingered him to easily get going.

he whines, which is the prettiest sound you’ve ever heard in your life, “you— you stretch me out so good, my love. please, please, it feels so good, i’m already so—” his pleas echo in your head. they’re disorienting and entrancing and you can’t get enough of them.

“i’ll make you feel even better than now, watch this,” you forcefully pull him off of the strap, keeping your grip on his waist and you flip him over, pressed against the bed as you enter him again in an instant. he moans even louder in this position, even with his voice slightly muffled as he turns his head to the side. it’s like music to your ears, “feel free to get all your cum all over yourself and on my bed, i’d take it as a compliment.”

he cries out as you thrust into him, keeping a pace you know overwhelms him with the intention of pushing him over the edge, filling him with bliss, “o-oh! fuck! oh my god, you—”

“you shouldn’t curse, pretty angel, you’re too perfect and innocent for that,” you can see and hear just how close he’s getting, all the rocking back and forth giving more stimulation to his cock, “although, i do somewhat doubt your innocence, seeing as i’ve got you moaning like a whore,” he groans at your words, but he can’t think of a sassy response, the words not forming in his head, “i can’t get enough of you, my sweet kihyun. cum for me, let me hear how angelic you sound, will you?”

he does, cumming and almost screaming loudly, hypnotizing you with his gorgeous voice, trembling and shuddering with absolute bliss as the high fully racks his body. he breathes so heavily, unable to catch his breath until you slow down and eventually pull out, letting him recover from it all.

“are you okay? was that okay?” you ask him, leaning forward to play with his hair. he flips himself over, lying on his back, as he breathes and keeps an intense eye contact with you.

“that was… incredible,” he whispers, loud enough for you to hear. “you’re incredible. you’re amazing, you’re so perfect.”

his words almost make you flush, the sudden compliments take you by surprise, so you ruffle his hair a bit and run your fingers through it in a calming way, “thank you, ki. you did really well, my perfect boy.”

he smiles, his eyes fluttering closed, “hey uhm, can you tell me something?” you hum affirmatively, “tell me your name.”

you laugh almost incredulously, “you’re still hung up on that?”

“i mean, you know mine, and i know it’s hard to trust a siren, i know it’s not super safe to give your name away, but please. i’ll do anything to prove myself worthy of it,” he begs, sweetly reaching out to grab your hand.

“okay,” you sigh, “i’ll tell you,” he smiles, listening intently, kissing your knuckles as a ‘thank you’, “it’s… y/n.”

his smile is so sincere and adoring that there’s no reason to not trust it, and he whispers in between kisses to your hand, “beautiful. every part of you, even your name, is beautiful.”

you smile back, pulling your held hands to your lips to kiss his knuckles in return, “remember when i asked you if you even knew what love was?” he nods, and in that moment, you realize you probably didn’t even know either, “is this it?”

“yeah, i think this is.”

—

taglist: @lovingonrepeat @neosincity @sub-hoshi-enthusiast @feelslikelove @maknaeronix @multidreams-and-desires @mellowriting @foenixs @sunflowerkeen @vanillaknj @yr-domxfantasies @treasure-hwa @fleurshopsub @rubyscloud9 @silencefavarchive @nct99 and always feel free to ask to be added to/removed from the taglist <3

[skullsandwineglasses]

Immortal Samsara - Episode 43

My issue with episode 43 is that it was completely unnecessary. When you look past the cute scenes they gave us in this episode, you realize that the issues that they “resolved” regarding Tang Zhou’s decision to leave the sect were already resolved in episode 42. 

On the surface, the episode seemed to serve the purpose of re-affirming Tang Zhou’s willingness to choose Yan Dan over his duties to his sect, but we already saw him make that decision to leave in episode 42. He already delegated responsibilities to the sect. Why do we need to see him make the choice again? Why do we need to see him save the sect’s reputation through such an unremarkable case of capturing an random cat demon? In episode 42, we saw that Yan Dan and Yu Mo were already helping him find a new purpose in life. So episode 43 just wasn’t necessary at all except to give more screen time to the people in sect. I now feel cheated of an episode that could have been better used towards character development.

The sweetness in this episode also felt undeserved for some reason. Yan Dan forgiving Ying Yuan after seeing how hard it was for Tang Zhou to turn away from his responsibilities to his sect just felt too easy. If it really was that easy for Yan Dan to forgive Ying Yuan, then why did she have to suffer for 900 years? Yan Dan is stubborn about what she expects from love. She’s as stubborn as Ying Yuan is about the impossibility of love. But just like that, she forgives him. Her sympathy makes it seem like all of the previous misunderstandings they had could have been easily avoided. Yan Dan was irrational, impulsive, and passionate back on the bridge 900 years ago. Now that she’s matured, maybe she’s become more rational and level-headed and empathetic. But her passion should still be there. Her passion is what was preserved when she reincarnated into a flower demon spirit in the mortal realm because that is the core of her personality. That is what sets her apart from all the other heavenly deities. But with her memories flooded back, this fiery passion is gone. She seems stoic and indifferent now. Where’s the rage and desire? Where’s the inner turmoil?

Like yes, I get that she’s mature and wiser now and she’s moved on, but for some reason, it feels like she no longer loves Ying Yuan/Tang Zhou romantically. There are moments when she calls out for him when he’s hurt, but her caring for him feels more platonic rather than romantic. The chemistry isn’t there anymore. 

And I would otherwise be okay with this. Like sure, have Yan Dan move on. She wants to help and save Tang Zhou, but only because he’s the heavenly god of war and his wellbeing means that the wellbeing of the three realms will be safeguarded. She’s doing it for more altruistic reasons than romantic reasons. But if this was the direction they wanted to go in, then they should show Yan Dan slowly falling for Tang Zhou again against her better judgement.

And they kinda do this, but the payoff feels weak. Yan Dan starts to understand the burden of responsibility that both Tang Zhou and Ying Yuan have. While Tang Zhou has more freedom to be selfish and break free from his sect, Ying Yuan does not. And so Yan Dan learns to empathize with Ying Yuan’s situation, and through Tang Zhou, she’s able to forgive Ying Yuan.

But for some reason why, I don’t feel as giddy as I should. Instead, I just feel like they just put another nail into the coffin and threw in the last shovel of dirt. I feel peace and calm and closure. Which is what Yan Dan seems to feel. She doesn’t learn to love Tang Zhou more for who he is, but she only comes to understand his perspective better.

My issue is with how Yan Dan barely seems to be moved at all by what she’s learning about Ying Yuan through Tang Zhou. For instance, she sees the fear and torment that Tang Zhou goes through in his nightmares because he doesn’t want to hurt her, and she says calmly, “wow, even in his dreams, he doesn’t want to hurt me.”

We see Tang Zhou become more and more of a complex character who reclaims agency over his life and his emotions, while Yan Dan on the other hand feels very one-note.

What I expected to see is Yan Dan becoming conflicted over her feelings for Tang Zhou. I expected her to be moved and hurt when she sees Tang Zhou suffer and sacrifice for her, but she’s still angry at Ying Yuan because deep down, she wants to confront him face to face. She wants to hear his explanation to her. Even though she may already internally forgiven him and understands his good intentions, she still wants to be able to question him in person. To hit him and hug him for being so stubborn and foolish and unfeeling, hurting both himself and her. And so Yan Dan holds this grudge of not being able to do so over poor ignorant Tang Zhou and keeps her distance from him, even though she’s falling for him all over again. The version of him that’s more carefree and able to follow his heart. When she looks at Tang Zhou, she wonders about what she could have had with Ying Yuan, who decided to put duty first. I want to see her inner turmoil of getting Tang Zhou’s confession, but still yearning for Ying Yuan’s.

But no. We don’t get to see any of Yan Dan’s inner conflict. She instead forgives Ying Yuan very easily and quickly, when 4 episodes ago, she would rather bleed than come anywhere near Tang Zhou.

While yes, she does repeatedly tell herself that this is Tang Zhou, not Ying Yuan, and everything will be different when Ying Yuan regains his memories, so I better not get attached, but she’s just so accepting of this truth. We can attribute it to maturity, but it’s just so different from who she was 900 years ago. The passion is no longer there. All she wanted back then was a simple confession from him, and because she never got that confession, she spent 900 years lamenting over her disappointment of him.

And that raw hurt she felt is just gone now. I guess what’s bothering me is how rational she is suddenly. She doesn’t blame Tang Zhou at all, and good for her, but at the same time, I kinda want her to be irrational? Because love is what drove her to be irrational and impulsive in the first place 900 years ago.

In Love and Destiny, they really honed into the split identity issue. Ling Xi and Lin Mo are two different people, and yet the same person. Jiu Chen loves both of them, but he’s also loyal to this one soul, and they’re both the same soul. Lin Mo confronts him about this before she dies: who do you love? It’s an interesting moral and philosophical question.

Things are much simpler in Immortal Samsara. There is no split identity issue. The writers make it very clear that Tang Zhou is Ying Yuan, just without his memories. They’re the same person. Same thing with Yan Dan. Although when she regains her memories, she does question Tang Zhou: are you willing to forget and turn away from the last woman you loved so easily who now haunts your dreams? 

But we know and Yan Dan knows that there is no betrayal. Tang Zhou knows deep down that this flower demon Yan Dan is the same fairy Yan Dan that he fell in love with in the Heavenly Realm. The reason why Tang Zhou gravitated towards her and fell in love with her is because in the very core and fabric of his soul, he is able to sense her, no matter what form she takes. That in itself should move her. But this isn’t explored in the drama.

All of this is to say that I had expected the angst to have lasted longer. Yan Dan’s main problem still hasn’t been resolved yet because she hasn’t been able to personally confront Ying Yuan.

And there are just a bunch of other issues that have been swept under the rug after Tang Zhou sacrificed and disabled his powers for Yan Dan: For example, he seems to have connected the dots that he hurt Yan Dan in his immortal life. He knows that Yan Dan only has half a heart. But why isn’t he more curious about what he did to her? Maybe he wants to start over with her as Tang Zhou. To prove to her that he loves her and will do anything for her. Maybe he doesn’t want to know who he once was or what he did and wants those memories to stay suppressed. But again, this issue is not explored in the drama.

He used to have recurring nightmares about a fairy he scorned. What happened to those nightmares? The nightmares that are his previous life’s memories threatening to break through?

This would have been a good opportunity to flip the table and give Tang Zhou/Ying Yuan a taste of his own medicine. Have Yan Dan try to push him away for his own good, but he just falls harder, and is angry at himself for whatever he did to her. 

There are so many nuances in this relationship that are left undiscussed. This was such a great opportunity for meaningful angst, but it only lasted for like, 2 episodes before Yan Dan forgave him. 

And don’t even get me started on how Yu Mo is just such a flat background character now. He’s literally just moping behind Yan Dan as she cares for Tang Zhou. But Yu Mo is such an upstanding and morally good character that he isn’t even jealous. He’s just sad. And so for the last 3 episodes, every time it cuts to him, it’s just him sighing in acceptance and self-pity.

This drama has a chemistry problem. At first, the chemistry between Ying Yuan and Ying Dan took about 10 episodes to develop. By episode 22, they started from 0 again and their chemistry had to be built back up. And then by episode 39, the chemistry plummeted again when Yan Dan regained her memories.

Immortal Samsara is a romance. That’s what it’s marketed as. The first 17 episodes were purely about Ying Yuan and Yan Dan’s ill-fated relationship. Even the Heaven-Demon conflict that all xianxia dramas have was just so lacklustre compared to other Heaven-Demon conflicts. There’s a big battle, a bunch of gods died, and then it’s just never discussed again until episode 17/18 when Ying Yuan is like, oh wait, there’s more than meets the eye. I better go down to he mortal realm to investigate.

And when he gets down there, the entire drama just becomes a bad adventure story were the romance is slow, the adventures and cases are alright but nothing to get excited over, and Tang Zhou doesn’t even try to research the truth behind the Heaven-Demon conflict since he’s not aware that he’s supposed to be doing it. Instead, his main goal as a mortal is to find the 4 sacred heavenly artifacts to repair his immortal coil because someone is trying to assassinate him. The details of the Heaven-Demon conflict are just slowly revealed, unknowingly, to him through his quest.

At first, I didn’t mind the switch in genre. But now that the drama is lowkey falling apart, I’m starting to realize more flaws in the drama as a whole. The story isn’t very cohesive, and I think when Yan Dan was still ignorant and naive, it gave the illusion that the drama was cohesive since her personality was consistent from the beginning. But now that she’s matured and lost her passion, there seems to be a barrier between her and Tang Zhou, and the story begins to unravel. It’s like the drama is trying to be too many things at once, and now the pacing suffers for it. 

If they had just focused on the romance and to develop these characters, such as Yu Mo, who isn’t a love rival, but it very much a part of this love triangle, then the drama would spark a lot more thoughtful discussions. Yu Mo is an interesting character. He is an idealistic SML, who had his own plotline for a bit, but is now relegated to being the FL’s puppy dog. 

I think episode 43 was a weak addition, and so I’m wary about what they’ve chosen to keep and cut in the upcoming episodes. 

[troquantary]

Didyme, Part 2: Something, Something, Plato's Allegory of the Cave

Continuing from here, and we’re doing sub-parts for this bit. I’m genuinely surprised I had this much to say. (And fun fact, I almost lost the entire goddamn post, but fortunately I was copy-pasting into Word just in case. Not today, Satan.)

2.1. What Canon Tells Us

Didyme’s murder by Aro (and with Caius’ apparent assistance, either during or afterwards), is only mentioned on the page in Life and Death, the 10th Anniversary gender-swapped version of Twilight. Edythe/Edward mentions it briefly when discussing the painting of the leaders Carine/Carlisle brought back from Volterra, but it’s just background information with little narrative weight. I bring it up just to highlight Caius’ involvement and knowledge -- I’ll get back to that.

Now, here’s the “canon” backstory we have to work with. Per the illustrated guide, Didyme was Aro’s younger sister, and he turned her at some point after meeting Marcus, Caius, and Athenadora. Interestingly, the Guide doesn’t say anything about Aro returning to Didyme out of brotherly love; apparently he just wanted to see if she would have a powerful gift like his, only to be underwhelmed (”disappointed,” according to his Guide entry) by her actual ability -- she made people happy just by being around them. Then she and Marcus fell in love, sharing “the strongest romantic bond of any of the Volturi” (from Marcus’ Guide entry), and this prompted a suddenly very single Aro to seek out his own mate, Sulpicia. The Guide says Didyme “distracted” Marcus from Aro’s goals, and that the pair eventually made plans to split off on their own, leading Aro to murder Didyme so he could hold onto Marcus and his valuable gift. Although nothing written so far suggests that Aro even liked his sister, the Guide does state that Aro “truly loved her” and that his grief upon killing Didyme was genuine.

Apparently Caius’ role in all is was something Meyer thought up later, because none of the leaders’ Guide entries mention him being in on it. (You can’t see me, but I’m staring pointedly at Part One.)

2.2. Fuck Canon, Actually

(This just seemed like the funniest place for a cut. Continued below~)

I’ll be honest with you, person who’s persistent/unfortunate enough to still be here: very little about this murder scenario makes sense to me. I’m going to start with the “disappointing” nature of Didyme’s gift and that it was supposedly much less useful to Aro than Marcus’, because that’s just...stupid, frankly, and there’s no way Aro would have missed the inherent utility of Didyme’s gift. I don’t even have to read into anything to get this idea -- the Guide itself shows us how useful it is! It says right there in Marcus’ entry that Aro went off to turn Didyme, and returned with his sister, “along with the first members of the guard -- vampires who were drawn to Didyme’s aura of happiness.” That is a direct quote.

Just -- I practically shrieked when I read that. You’re telling me that Didyme’s gift was the stated reason their coven got its first subordinates, and I’m supposed to believe that Aro thought that was disappointing? Fuck off! Fuck off!! Even if Didyme’s happiness aura isn’t as powerful as Corin’s opium haze, well, Aro doesn’t have Corin yet, does he? He has every reason in the world to want to keep Didyme around, drawing other vampires to his cause -- even if most of those vampires aren’t gifted or skilled enough to join the guard, it’s still good PR.

At this early stage in the Volturi’s rise to power, it isn’t a good time to lose Didyme -- or any of his inner coven, really. Yet Aro apparently considered her disposable enough that he killed her. I can’t square this with what we know about Aro: that he’s still coherent despite holding god-knows how many people’s lives in his head; that he’s very intelligent; that he’s cunning, charming, and persuasive. Aro, once he learned they were thinking about leaving, would have tried to talk to Didyme and Marcus and done everything in his power to convince them to stay just a bit longer, until the Volturi’s position was more secure. And maybe he did; the timeline of all this is hazy, but nothing in the Guide suggests that Aro jumped straight to duplicity and murder. Clearly, though, whatever negotiations or arguments he presented failed. So what does their desire to leave the Volturi at this critical stage say about Didyme, or Marcus for that matter?

2.3. What It Says About Didyme and Marcus (Mostly Headcanon)

Brace yourself, because we’re into full headcanon territory now. To follow me, please refer to @therealvinelle ‘s meta about the larger mission of the Volturi and why they’re necessary, because I’m starting from the perspective that the Volturi are ultimately a force working in vampires’ and humans’ favor. While Meyer and the Guide would have you believe that Aro’s just power-hungry, actually looking at the impact of the Volturi and the benefits of enforcing secrecy shows that his broader vision isn’t just world domination, but establishing a world in which vampires and humans can both thrive and endure. There’s no way the rest of the inner coven was unaware of this goal; we know Aro talks a lot, so he’s certainly talked his coven’s ears off about this.

Now, we know very little about Marcus and what he was like before he was all dead inside. Based on what would be a logical balance of personalities, with Aro as lead decision-maker and Caius as ruthless enforcer, it seems likely that Marcus was originally the voice of reason and/or mercy. I also think Marcus would have had a strong sense of duty. The Guide says that Aro was the first friend Marcus had as a vampire, and I believe that Marcus cared about him very much and was committed to the Volturi. I think he would have been genuinely conflicted about leaving, especially considering the stabler, safer world the Volturi have been striving to build, and which they haven’t yet secured. Again, it’s a very bad time for any of the leadership to split off -- but in the end, Marcus and Didyme are going to do it anyway.

What for, though? Why leave? @theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin has an interesting take on that question here: that Didyme saw that she and Marcus would be locked into the Volturi life and a thankless existence for eternity and tried to opt out while she still could. I like it a lot, it’s a great post and that scenario makes sense, but the tone of it feels...too forgiving. Maybe that’s because I’m evil. But the way I see it, given the magnitude of the Volturi’s mission, and its (at best) very tenuous grip on power at the time Marcus and Didyme plan to leave (they haven’t even defeated the Romanians yet), jeopardizing the entire operation so that they can pursue their romance unburdened strikes me as...well, fundamentally selfish on some level, so much that I find myself side-eyeing Didyme and Marcus for it. Although to be clear, it’s not the desire to live their own lives apart from the Volturi that I find selfish, just the timing of their departure.

Honestly, I’d like not to vilify another female character if I don’t have to. Given everything I’ve just said, I see Didyme in much the same way as I see Bella: not a bad person, but someone with definite selfish tendencies. At best, she’s likely short-sighted or naive if she doesn’t see how leaving the Volturi at this stage is fucking them over in a big way. However, I hesitate to read into the happiness aura as a straightforward indication of Didyme’s fundamental goodness; I think she probably was kind, charming, and delightful to be around, hence the nature of her gift -- but that capacity for selfishness is still there. (I’m certain Meyer wants us to take her gift as proof of Didyme’s goodness, to reinforce how evil Aro is for killing her...but I think I’ve made my disdain for what Meyer wants me to think pretty clear.)

2.4. MURDER MOST FOUL

I am not saying it was justifiable or okay for Aro to murder his sister. I’m really not. It’s actually better, from a character standpoint, that it isn’t okay -- that Aro has to carry this with him for the rest of his life while Marcus sits in the throne next to him, reduced to a husk, so that in effect Aro has lost them both after all. It’s got that Greek tragedy element @theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin​ mentioned in her post. (Even better from that standpoint, the Guide implies that Aro found Chelsea relatively soon after killing Didyme, which compounds the tragedy.) I mean, it’s terrible, and it hurts me because I love Aro, but it’s compelling stuff.

What I am saying is, I can see how their insistence on leaving might have deeply hurt and offended him. And that brings me to my issue with the calculated murder scenario the Guide gives us -- I still think Didyme’s gift is too valuable for Aro to throw away by killing her in cold...venom (or whatever), even as the price for keeping Marcus in the fold. Plus, there’s the fact that Aro does love Didyme, and I imagine her gift makes it very difficult for people to think of harming her...when they’re calm, anyway.

Yeah, the only way I can really see the murder happening is if Aro killed Didyme in the heat of an argument about her leaving, possibly even by accident -- except you can’t accidentally kill a vampire, can you? It’s a very deliberate process wherein you have to dismember them and burn every piece, which also means it probably takes long enough that any irrational, overwhelming rage would wear off before you were done. But now that you’ve started....

I mean, at that point it would certainly be awkward to put your half-rubble sister back together, and Aro would be in a whole other load of shit even if he did. It’s possible, given what we’re told, that Aro could have lashed out and yanked Didyme’s head off before snapping out of it, only to realize that his sole option now is to finish the job. If he doesn’t kill Didyme now, she and Marcus won’t just leave, they’ll be sworn enemies of Aro from then on. And thanks to Didyme’s gift being the draw for a lot of the guard, and the inherently bad look of a leader who would brutally attack his own sister, a chunk of the guard would probably leave with them, destroying Aro’s plans. No, the only way to salvage it is to follow through.

Then Aro has to call in Caius for help with the cover-up, because it wasn’t actually planned and it’s just pure luck that no one walked in on the murder as it was happening.

And maybe Aro learns a hard lesson about learning to let people walk away, leaving the possibility open that they could be drawn in again. Because if Aro had just waited, he would have found Chelsea, and with her gift he could have had Marcus and Didyme back again.

Assuming everything didn’t fall apart as soon as they left, of course. But that’s a whole other what-if scenario.