#it's just fun to craft something and build it and see it come into fruition

[weaselishmcdiesel]

I am?? So fucking interested and intrigued by your life game Discord idea?? I'd fucking adore hearing more, that sounds so fucking sick

ive also seen some people say to maybe look at using tabletop simulator? which i've never used and i'd have to do more research on that to see if it's feasible to like, make a custom game. however i sorta dont think i'd like to do that since people would have to buy that game just to play? and im always about finding free/low cost options

I'm starting to think, however, that if i can't turn this into a discord bot, it may transform into more of a tabletop rpg like dnd or whatever, and it would really REALLY require all players to be familiar with the rules, which may be a bit less accessible... BUT it would also be able to handle another mechanic some other people have mentioned, skills/stats! which might be fun and more personalized for each player. I havent put much thought into it, but if there were maybe a strength (combat) skill, stealth for stealing... efficiency? which would mean maybe getting a double drop of loot for certain actions. yknow like if some players are more hyperfocused on farming in-game type of thing. and this may allow for more repeatability so people could try different builds? i can't even imagine what that would really look like in a discord bot but theres probably a way to execute that with dnd style stats.

i haven't yet thought of a way to incorporate enchanting, but i think it's more than necessary in order to make stealing worthwhile for the player. crafting? would be... an issue with a bot.. i think... if this were a tabletop then the players could keep track of their own loot and then properly deplete it when they craft something, but if there were a bot then there would be probably some complicated code that keep tracks of all their items- i really dont know. i think should look into coding and see if i could waddle my way through it,, since i do dabble in very simple code sometimes.

... the only downside to this whole game is that if it were to ever come to fruition, i wouldn't be able to play the first game XD i would have to moderate it in order to make sure everyone's playing fair XD....... but that's whatever paha, maybe it would HAVE to run like dnd where there's one DM that maybe keeps track of everyone's items? and is the one who rolls for loot probability? oo actually that probably makes sense- in that case then not everyone would have to know the rules to a T

... hehe ok now im excited again XD this may end up being tabletop adjksfh

[magdaclaire]

using Anna to both narratively foil and mirror Michael in tango is honestly so much fun because she’s so young and angry compared to Michael who, canonly, is her killer and the fundamental difference between canon!Michael&Anna and tango!Michael&Anna is that the idea of Michael ever ever hurting Anna would baffle Anna tangoverse so completely that it would shake her to her bones, even given how angry and bitter she is about her situation and her loveless, absent father and their empty household and their damaged home 

like Anna has Michael’s drive and his determination and his singleminded focus, but she does it with this bitterness that Michael can’t even begin to understand because all he’s ever done is love his father. Anna is going to the same college as Michael, Anna is going to get a Master’s degree, Anna is finishing her degree in the proper amount of time, she is quiet, she is careful, and then she has outbursts, and that is where she differs from Michael, because until Michael meets Adam, Michael never breaks. 

it’s just so,,, fun. interesting. an allegorical character study, in a way. 

[wisp-of-thought]

I met you when I was young. We were both young, but now I see it. I was 15 and you were older and kind and spent smiles like they cost you nothing. Maybe it was this illusion of abundance that originally tipped me into the fall but you were everything I never thought could exist for me.

My best friend introduced us in passing. I met you mid-morning in the middle of the week in the middle of a bustling hallway. Maybe this was the first sign that we would never be anything all the way. You made a joke about my name but it was all in good fun and to hear my name on your tongue made my palms prick. All I saw was your smile, brilliant enough to blind. It hurt to look at you too long, but I did it anyway. I was always a little bit of a masochist I suppose. You will learn this soon enough, when I love you so hard it hurts. When I manage to turn this soft thing between us sharp. But in fact, you won't. You won't learn this. And perhaps that is where we begin to fall apart. Or when I do. I begin to fall apart. Because we never seemed to do much of anything to you. We never seemed to touch you at all. While we tore me apart. Or I did. I guess it was always me doing the breaking, wasn't it?

We leave after last period to get lunch from the place near school you swear has the best fries. We miss 3 busses trying to figure out the route, the last one is on me because I can't run in flats with my school bag. While I walk, you sprint across the parking lot to buy our tickets but we're already too late. I don't want to watch the movie even if it's only 5 minutes in. I want to leave. I've wanted to leave since we waited for your food in awkward silence for 15 minutes but I swallowed and called it first date nerves even though we never said it was a date and I know now that it most definitely wasn't. And that's how things always were between us, weren't they? Me being let down by my own expectations of you. Me taking your kindness and taking and taking and taking even what wasn't there?

You let me pick what we watch instead since we're already here and pay for my ticket. I return the cost to you in the dark of the theatre. The movie is bad. In fact it's awful. I lean away from you and bite my nails during the sex scenes I didn't expect from the trailer. I wince every time I hear you shift, so sure you hate me as much as you hate the film, quietly begging for it to be over. We leave after it's done. I apologize. I didn't know it would be that terrible. You tell me we totally could have caught the original one we came to see and I nod, holding back tears that taste like shame. But you mean nothing by it.

It's summer, warm and sticky, walking across the parking lot.

I fell out of love with you then.

I didn't know it in that instant but looking back on it, this is the exact moment.

I realize there is nothing here. Nothing between us but space. There is nothing here, and the question is seeded if there ever was. The thought takes many weeks to root and bud. Months to flower and come to fruition. But it is planted here. Here, I keep searching for a feeling of comfort even if just in your presence but there is nothing to find. My stomach turns at my mother's missed calls, she's wondering where I am, who I'm with, and I'm panicking because I am still young. You offer me nothing but shrugged shoulders and it is worse because I know you mean well. Or rather that you mean nothing by it. And suddenly I know that I need you to say something. I need you to say something that matters right now. Or there will be nothing to come back to tomorrow.

But you don't. You don't walk me home. You walk me to the street across from my father's apartment building. Nod. One hand wave. See you later. Walk back across the street before the light can turn red again. You don't look back. And of course, I only know this because I look back. Stare after you. Not heartbroken yet. But gently being let down. For the next few days I would rather not think about you. I try many times to remake how it happened in my head but I'm grasping at threads. There is too little material to sew a new tapestry memory from stray comments and wayward touches.

After this butterflies were not summoned at the sound of your name, funny how easy delicate things die isint it. After this, I did not feel the tug of your orbit's gravity pulling me closer to you in a crowded room. Your words sounded less and less divine to me, I think this is because I started hearing what you were saying instead of what I wanted you to be saying. After this, the poetry about you turned sad, then angry, then ran mostly dry. There were no more tears shed over you in the bathroom around the corner from the theatre classroom because your promises were pretty coloured tissue paper flowers to me now. Good for decoration and conversation, but they would tear easy, for they were never meant to last. Never crafted to be put to the test.

We try again a few times. Every once in a while I find you at my locker at the end of the day and we try again. Painfully awkward, but we try again and again and every time I think it's over you're there again. Here is where you instill in me the inability to get over you all the way. You do it by accident. Or at least mean nothing by it. And I begin to understand this the hard way. It's hard because everything means something to me. For I have spent my life trying to squeeze enough from the nothings cast my way.

You ask me out of the blue if I'd like to go for bubble tea and I say I've never tried it so we do. My mother is at work and my sister is in school and no one is at home to expect me and I feel sickeningly giddy at the little rebellion. The silence is only half as uncomfortable as before. The other half-emptied of expectation and filled with acceptance. But the place is closed and this time I laugh at the inconvenience fate keeps gifting us. I tell myself it's a sign. One I'll look at later. We go somewhere else. Somewhere convenient. Somewhere familiar.

You buy me an iced coffee we playfully push the two dollars back and forth across the table as I insist to pay you back and you refuse. As a gentleman. As a friend. The spell is broken when you ask about a scar and I realize I could never tell you. Well, I could. But I don't want to. That someone like you would never understand. And you let the subject drop so easily. You let it all go so easily. Instead you check the bus schedule and walk me to my stop. You get on your bike and ride down the street and you don't look back.

Another time you meet me at the mall. My father asks to meet you so he does. You are the first boy I know that he ever meets. But of course, this means nothing to you. And so I try to let this mean nothing to me too. I link our arms together and it's easier to touch you. Without anticipation. You leave me after we eat cinnamon rolls and do not look back. And I always find myself looking after you. A part of me brought back to the piece of myself left in that movie theatre parking lot in the afternoon sun. But I don't ever really love you again after that.

And I am better for it.

We are better for it.

I am glad I still have you.

For I don't know what would have become of us if not for your careless gaze and fickle heart.

I do not know what would have become of me.

And I am grateful now, for the falling out of love.

- #1: reflections on falling out of unrequited love with him

[danteinthedevildom]

Something I love about Obey Me is that, on the whole, for every trait a character has, they have another trait that actively counters it and thus makes them seem genuinely conflicting on a surface level, but wonderfully three dimensional on a deeper dive into their character.

E.g. People in the early-game sometimes think Diavolo comes across as a little two-faced, or that there’s something a little suspicious about him and the things he does - and I def. originally saw some theories (and when I first started playing, had some suspicions of my own) that he might end up being the real “villain” of the game. 

A lot of this stems from the fact that he seems genuinely friendly, open, and willing to spend time with the exchange students in casual, informal ways, but also has abilities and moments of power abuse that seem to completely diverge from the image of the smiling prince. 

Surely someone who does this is hiding something? Surely that carefree attitude is just a facade? It’s definitely the sort of twist you could expect with the character setup present in Diavolo.

But when you look at it, there’s a reason behind this duality that doesn’t actually fall into the usual tropes - and instead builds a much more interesting, well-rounded character. 

(Spoilers ahead, both for Lesson 16 and for the most recent Lessons, especially involving Diavolo’s childhood.)

For instance, how could he claim to see Lucifer as a friend when he has him bound by an Oath that puts an incredible power imbalance in their relationship, and stops him from speaking of it?

The answer is that he’s genuinely never had a friend in his entire long life that hasn’t had some form of reason to stay by his side. To Diavolo, the Oath was a way of ensuring Lucifer couldn’t leave - not a way of keeping control. He wanted Lucifer to be his friend, has been enamoured with him even since Lucifer was an angel, and took the opportunity to secure that friendship in the only way he knew how. 

Because Diavolo is pitifully lonely. Because Diavolo was raised in a way that left him incapable of making friends. Because Diavolo likely never would have been able to make a friend if he hadn’t tethered them to him. 

Does this make the Oath any better? No. He took advantage of a broken, freshly fallen angel, terrified of the fates of his siblings, and vowed him to silence and servitude in return for their lives. 

But does this mean that the Oath was inherently evil? No. At its core, the Oath was the act of a very lonely man realising he had a chance to secure the one thing he wanted more than anything. It was selfish, but not evil.

It does, however, show us the sort of extent Diavolo will go to get what he wants. He will leverage something over others if he thinks that’s what it takes. This is even reinforced by the truth of Barbatos’ servitude; that he treatened to refuse ascension to the throne if Barbatos didn’t stay. 

At the same time, it shows that what he wants, more often than not, is something harmless, if desperate. It’s often a desire for companionship that spurs him into dubious action. 

He’s very unlikely to abuse his power to genuinely hurt someone, but he may use his power in a way that has hurtful side effects.

Diavolo is aware that his actions had consequences, and feels guilt. He still isn’t confident that Lucifer and Barbatos genuinely want to stay with him or in his service, and he’s openly aware of the fact that Lucifer, at the very least, doesn’t see them being as close as he does. 

He doesn’t want to remove either of them from his service for fear that they really will leave him, but he’s aware that keeping them there potentially against their will isn’t conducive to healthy friendships. 

Diavolo has done dubious things for selfish reasons. This is undeniable. But those reasons are genuine and understandable, and something players can easily sympathise with. 

That’s the sort of thing you want for a well fleshed-out character; the ability to say “there was something inherently wrong in this action taken,” but also say “I can understand why he took the action, even if it was wrong”. 

I focused on Diavolo for this, but here’s another two points I can think of to further illustrate the point:

- Lucifer’s genuine love and care for his family constrasting against his prideful brutality and absolute loyalty to Diavolo above all else (e.g. how he can justify locking Belphie up in the attic. This was an act of love. The alternative was to hand Belphie over to Diavolo and let him face an unknown fate. By locking him up for the duration of the Exchange Programme, Lucifer was working to avoid being disloyal to Diavolo and being disloyal to his family. It was absolutely an imperfect solution. It absolutely had its flaws. It absolutely made things worse. But it was his way of keeping his youngest brother alive and allowing Diavolo’s dream to come to fruition. A dubious act founded in good intentions.)

- Satan’s kind thoughtfulness and amicable nature contrasting against his Wrath and how it affects his brothers (e.g., how he can switch between fretting over Beel’s mental health in one chat, to being so furious with him over his Gluttony that Beel actively goes into hiding in another. Satan is a character rife with stark dualities and his own frantic attempts to try and stitch together something whole. He’s not overly good at it. His Wrath often gets in the way. But he has spent his entire life trying to improve, to find himself, to come to terms with his creation; he is trying every day not to be the Satan that lashes out at the drop of a hat.)

The game isn’t always perfect at showing these characteristics in equal measure, but sometimes that’s the point. 

It’s why, for instance, some people write Satan to be a heartless, Wrath-filled asshole, and others write him as a harmless bookworm with a knack for academia; the truth is that he’s both, and a key part of his characterisation is finding balance between the contrasting sides. 

On the other hand, it’s why some people completely look over Beel as very two dimensional when he truthfully isn’t. He’s a naturally quiet demon, content for others to see him as a jock with a love of food and nothing more. But in that quiet, he hides a demon struggling with survivor’s guilt who is secretly hurt by how simple people think he really is, and has such a strong love for his family that he puts them before anything else. His characterisation isn’t finding a balance in his contrast, but finding the contrast to begin with.

That’s the point of a three dimensional character. You’re meant to be able to debate about them, and understand them while disagreeing with them. You’re meant to be able to view them from different angles and see something new each time. That’s half the fun of them - that’s what makes them interesting.

I won’t lie and say the game’s great at this all the time, because sometimes it is really, genuinely not, and sometimes even Solmare have a tendency to forget some of the deeper aspects of their characters for the surface-level stuff. 

But for what is there? There’s so much interesting craft at work in the characters, and it makes taking a closer look at each of them - and how different players view them - so, so enjoyable. 

[fullmetalscullyy]

royai week day 4 - communiqué

summary: roy has an announcement to make to everyone

rated: g | words: 2084 | tags: royai, post-canon, romance, marriage, marriage announcement, marriage of convenience, kinda? bc they just have~ to do it but it works out for them, basically royai using royai to further their agenda

read on ao3 | read on ffnet

“Good afternoon,” Roy greeted with confidence into the microphone atop the podium in front of him. Hundreds of pairs of eyes stared back expectantly, and while that should have been unnerving, his excitement at the upcoming announcement kept the feeling at bay. This communiqué had been a long time coming, crafted from years of subtle diversion, and playing a tactical game. Now, it was coming to fruition. It was all still part of their game, but Roy had a personal stake in this part of it too. It was still a win for both parties involved.

A huge personal win.

Up there, on the podium, he was completely exposed. While that was dangerous for someone like him with such high political standing, Roy trusted the eyes that were watching his back implicitly. He does not turn complacent, but is more than confident in their abilities. He trusts each and every one of his subordinates to ensure the day goes well and without incident.

“Today’s announcement,” Roy continued, “will hopefully put to rest any fears you may have had regarding me assuming the role of your leader. Fuhrer Grumman has led this country exceptionally well over the last five years but feels ready to step down. As you all know, I have been named his successor and will make a promise to you all now, this country’s citizens, that I will do my utmost to ensure I do my best by you.”

There was a pleased applause after he finished, accompanied by a quiet murmur.

He meant every word, but that was not the reason Roy had taken the stage that day.

“I would also like you to know that I’ve heard the rumours surrounding me,” he smirked, letting his gaze sweep across the crowd before him. Out the corner of his eye, he noticed how this had piqued the interest of those in the audience with the various media outlets. Their ears perked up at the mention of rumours, understandably. “I am aware of the public’s opinion on a bachelor like myself being given the title of Fuhrer. However, I have come here today to offer my reassurances.”

Some people in the crowd turn to one another, momentarily confused by what he’s saying. Roy smirked to himself, thinking of his own private joke before he opened his mouth to finally reveal to the world something he has wanted to for over two decades.

“As you can imagine, this will be a busy transition period for us, so I hope you will extend your respect, as well as privacy, to both myself and my new fiancé as we navigate this new chapter in our lives. I can assure you though, an official date for my upcoming wedding will be announced soon.”

It was like the crowd had frozen. A few jaws went slack, and mouths parted in shock as they processed the news faster than others.

“More news will come in due time. Thank you.”

With a simple bow of his head, Roy stepped back from the microphone and turned to look at the stunned officials up there with him. Breda and Havoc approached, nonplussed by the news, and started to escort him off the stage.

There was a split second where the world was completely still, as everyone was still processing what he’d just announced. Then, everything felt like it exploded. The crowd erupted into applause and cheers. Cameras flashed in desperation to capture the moment that Roy Mustang, the most eligible bachelor in Amestris and a well-known womaniser in his younger years, announced he was engaged, and his wedding would be announced soon.

Roy can hear some of the questions being yelled by the reporters.

“Who are you due to marry?”

“What’s her name?”

“General Mustang! When did this happen?”

He ignored them all, for all would be revealed in due time. It was enough for now that it had been announced. Roy never planned on revealing anything else other than that today anyway. He would have loved to. He can’t wait for the day he can finally give the order to give the announcement, but he must hold off. The mystery will drum up interest in their favour. It will draw eyes to them and get people talking. No other Fuhrer had caused quite as much a stir as he had, and Roy wasn’t even officially in office yet. He was popular and well liked among the masses. Not as much as the Fullmetal Alchemist, the alchemist of the people, but Roy’s work over the years had built up a perfectly crafted reputation for him. It played well into his plans.

A womaniser who announces he’s settling down with someone who is a complete mystery. It was interesting news. Especially for the imminent ruler of the country.

The public ate it up, desperate to know. Out the corner of his eye he could already see heads bowed together in excitement as they gossiped about the news while Roy walked off the stage.

He was led by his security team into a private room within the building behind them. Havoc gave him a quick nod in response to his order, reaching for the door handle and pulling it closed behind him. Breda was down the hall, already speaking into microphone after microphone in order to soothe public relations about the surprise announcement. Poor guy, but he did volunteer. Having Breda assure them, but give nothing away, would only cause more intrigue. If Roy went out there and spoke to them all, they’d never let him leave.

His shoulder slumped now he was away from prying eyes. Not with fatigue, but just to relax. The initial phase had finally started, and his plans were set in motion. While he did have a personal stake in this and was more than happy to go along with it, it could certainly be draining. But then again, nothing had ever been simple between them.

The door opened as he was pouring himself a glass of water. He reached for a second glass and smirked, not turning around because he knew who it was who’d entered. His order to Havoc was to permit only one person entrance to the room.

“Did you really have to do it so dramatically?”

There was a grin on his face as he turned on the spot, coming face to face with his fiancé. Well, according to the country, she was still his fiancé. Nobody, except from them and his team, was aware that they were already married, and had been so for a while. While touring Aerugo last month they’d taken a clandestine trip to one of the islands off the coast to the south. It was just the two of them, the team, and his mother in attendance. Gracia had made the trip, and so had Edward and Alphonse, along with their respective families. Everyone who mattered most to Roy was there to witness them come together as a couple.

Marriage was not the be all and end all for him and Riza. They already knew where they stood with each other and what their relationship was. They had done so for years, and the ring that nestled comfortably on the end of his dog tags proved that. The legal document was just a formality at this point and given his current position as leader of the country, it would be necessary. So, they’d compromised. A private, personal ceremony for them to do things their way, exchanging the rings they’d already given each other years ago. The grand wedding that was yet to come was for the masses, not for them. Once the official ceremony happened, he would move the ring onto his ring finger where it had always belonged and where he’d always wanted to wear it.

Riza’s lifted one eyebrow expectantly, awaiting his answer.

“They expect a show,” he shrugged, “so I’m going to give it to them.”

“So, our official wedding is just a show,” she deadpanned.

His expression softened at her light teasing. “Our official wedding has already happened,” he reminded her. “In case you had forgotten, we are already legally married.”

“I hadn’t,” she placated as she approached him, “but you need to stop talking about it so openly. You were the one who suggested keeping it a secret, and the walls have ears,” she replied cryptically. Once close enough, she brushed a piece of invisible lint off his immaculate uniform and his shoulder tingled where she’d ran her hand over it.

“Let them listen,” he shrugged again. Roy lifted a hand to rest upon her hip as he grasped one of hers, lifting them both to rest between their bodies. He bent his head forward and kissed the backs of her knuckles, a small, fond smile playing on his lips. “It doesn’t matter now that our news is out.”

“Part of the news is out,” she reminded him. “You were quite adamant about only revealing some of the truth so early on,” Riza smirked. “It will be a busy transition period for us, after all,” she quoted back to him with mock sympathy.

His eyes rolled fondly.

“So,” she continued, extracting her hand from his and taking a step backward to put some distance between them. Roy felt like a petulant child, pouting at her actions. “We must keep up pretences and give ourselves the time and space we need to adapt to our new circumstances and navigate through it.”

“You’re no fun,” he complained, his tone nearly a playful whine.

“I know, dear,” she replied, sounding like she didn’t particularly care he felt that way. Roy was only joking though, of course.

“How did it look from up there?”

Riza’s perch had been on the roof of the building behind him, on the lookout for anyone who may wish harm upon him, along with her own elite security team.

She snorted lightly. “I will admit, it was entertaining to see the looks on their faces.”

“They were very surprised,” he chuckled, pleased with himself.

“It’s never a dull moment with you.”

“I would hope not because you’re stuck with me now, fiancé,” he grinned.

“Unfortunately,” she deadpanned quietly. When he scowled at her, she laughed loudly, her smile reaching her eyes.

For a moment, Roy is enraptured by her beauty. Her grin lit up his whole world and the sound of her laughter pulled at the stings of his heart pleasantly.

He is married to this woman, he thought to himself, and still couldn’t quite believe it.

After so long… After so many years of ignoring feelings and holding back – or trying to – now he didn’t have to.

Although it was his plan to delay the information given, he really wished it wasn’t. He wanted to go back out there and tell everyone how much he loved and cherished this woman before him.

All in due time. And the pay off when that day finally comes will be so worth it.

They’ve both waited for so long. Roy could stick it out for a few more days. What was more important was holding this woman close and loving her so freely like he has always wanted, and Roy planned to do just that.

Riza smirked and didn’t shrug him off as Roy wrapped his arms tightly around her frame. He pulled her close and kissed her, trying to convey just how much he loved her with one kiss alone. She hummed against his lips pleasantly as her arms lifted to loop around his neck. One hand slowly, tantalisingly, trailed up the back of his neck, making him shudder. She noticed and grinned against him. When her nails scratched lightly against his scalp and Roy groaned, Riza’s smile widened. She knew exactly what she was doing to him. She could play him like a fiddle, but Roy didn’t mind at all. There’s no way he was going to stop her ministrations when they felt so good.

“I love you,” he breathed. His chest heaved with his breath and the words almost got stuck in his throat, both from the emotions overwhelming him and their passionate kiss.

“Love you too, Roy.” When she pulled away to look at him, Roy didn’t let her move far. Their noses were almost touching but he could see her expression soften. She looked so happy and content. So in love. Which was exactly how he felt too.

They both couldn’t wait to start this new chapter in their lives together.

[themurphyzone]

PatB: Snowball Ep Talk

You know, I really do love the episode Snowball (my personal favorite AKOM episode) but I don’t think I’ve ever talked about it here much, and if I did it’s probably really only because of the flashback sequence. 

Okay so all looks good so far. Chain letter scheme and superstition, a standard introduction to Brain’s latest plot of world domination. All looks good. Plus I just like this shot of Pinky. Don’t mind me, just starting off light here with a smushed Pinky. 

I just like Pinky’s pose here. He’s so cute. 

You will bow before Troz.

“I met a Snowball today! Right here in the lab!” -Pinky

You know, I just find the implications of this line hysterical. This means that Snowball was in the lab that day, waiting for the moment to strike, and he definitely pushed his stolen chain letter through the mail slot. 

And then he lets Pinky see him, and no it’s not just a passing glance either cause Pinky specifically describes a tattoo with an A and a circle and points to his leg. Which means Snowball deliberately lifted the fur on his leg and showed his tattoo to Pinky. 

Like, wow. 

“It means, Pinky, that evil lurks among us. By the name of Snowball! SNOWBALLLLLLLL!” -Brain 

Talk about a bad breakup. *Alexa play Bad Blood*

Personally I think one of the interesting visual cues is that Snowball purposely plants himself into the mice’s space. There’s a lot of that in this episode. He knows how to rile up Brain and hit him where it hurts, namely through Pinky. 

Brain values his personal space, and he values a sense of control. When Snowball invades that space, Brain loses control, and his anger can lead him to make some very ill-informed decisions. Which is exactly what Snowball aims for. 

“You think Pinky is an asset?” 

“Anything I can take from you is an asset.”

Ah yes, Snowball’s mission statement. Crush everything Brain has into dust. 

The flashback sequence. Dear God this flashback sequence. They were both so cute! 

You know, it’s really sad that a younger Brain acted more like Pinky. Making silly faces and trying to get someone to laugh are such Pinky things to do. I know canon is loose but if you consider this flashback taking place shortly after Brain was captured from the wild, then young Brain didn’t gain a grasp on what happened to him until after the gene splicer.  

Ok but Brain was literally right there when the gene splicer exploded. Imagine having your cranium size dramatically increase, you’re injured, you’ve suddenly gained sentience, and as if all that wasn’t enough, you see the gene splicer explode with your only friend inside. 

Oh, and said friend’s mind was probably damaged in the explosion and now he hates your guts. And though you’re angry with him for his betrayal, some part of you will never stop caring about him. 

Once again, Snowball needs to learn to keep his hands to himself. 

This conversation here establishes Snowball as the perfect third character. He appears only in a handful of eps, but he’s fun to watch and love to hate. Snowball challenges the mice’s relationship. Snowball sees the weak points; the insults, the reliance on each other, and twists them to his advantage. And Pinky even admits he’s hurt by Brain’s insults occasionally, though he still loves being around him. 

“Pinky, the Brain doesn’t care about you. He’s just using you.” 

“No, he’s not.”

It’s really interesting to me how Pinky denies Snowball’s statement, yet his ears go down to show that he’s affected by the idea of being used. Pinky and the Brain may be night and day, but one thing they do have in common is their tendency to deny certain things. Brain with emotions and affection and Pinky with concepts he’d rather not admit the possibility of. 

Coming back to this later. 

Non plot related but Brain is teeny tiny and I love how he just trusts Pinky to catch him

Side note: I apologize if any of these screenshots look weird. It’s an AKOM ep. 

WHY ARE YOU TWO SO BAD AT SNEAKING AROUND. 

I just find it hilarious how they clearly run around where Snowball can see and hear them. Like they just shout Snowball’s name in the middle of the room. You’re terrible at being sneaky little mice. Please. 

Those dang boomers and their old timey 90s computers. Technology is ruining boomers. Can’t even hold a conversation anymore cause they keep looking at their screens. 

No touchy! 

Well, it’s awful nice of Snowball to engage in nepotism and offer Brain a position in his administration...and then tempt Pinky with an amusement park when he refuses. 

You really gotta appreciate the complexity of Snowball’s plans. Stealing the chain letter fails->plant seeds of doubt in Pinky’s mind, even if this doesn’t work right off the bat, the idea will still be there-> take over a corporation->impersonate Bill Gates->When the mice show up, offer to co-rule the world on expectations that Brain will refuse->make co-ruler offer to Pinky->wait for Brain to open his big mouth and drive Pinky away. 

All to take everything Brain has. His dignity, Pinky, his meager resources. Like holy Snowball, Batman.  

And then Snowball reveals the amusement park he had specifically built for Pinky. 

And here we have the most heartbreaking line of the ep. If I had the ability video edit I would’ve put the entire line on audio because Brain’s tone is very important here. It’s about 12:38 to 12:57 in the ep if you want to see for yourself. 

“Oh, go ahead, Pinky. I don’t need you. What did you think, I just have you around so I can steal your brilliant ideas and claim them as my own? That I’m just using you, Pinky? Oh yes, I’m using you for your brilliance!” 

First of all, very poor word choice, especially to someone who has trouble understanding sarcasm. I just want to dissect this statement here. 

The Literal Meaning: You’re an idiot to think you were ever more than an assistant. 

This is what Pinky hears. 

But if you listen to Brain’s tone rather than just reading the line, he sounds genuinely hurt that Pinky would ever be tempted by something as frivolous as an amusement park. It’s Pinky, so he just sees ‘ooh fun rides, cotton candy, and carnival games’! 

But Brain is perfectly aware that this is Snowball’s well-crafted method of taking away the only thing he truly has, and he knows it’s working. And he’s hurt. 

The Actual Meaning: Snowball’s trying to separate us and you’re falling for it, Pinky. You may be an idiot, but many of my plans never would’ve come to fruition without you. You’re much more than an assistant. You’re my friend and my world.  

Unfortunately, all Pinky hears is that Brain was only using him. That Brain values him for manual labor and an extra hand only, rather than a treasured companion. The fact that Brain often falls short of making Pinky feel appreciated just adds to this. 

And now that he no longer has Pinky, Brain’s spirit is crushed. Brain is persistent, but without Pinky, he has no reason to be. 

As far as he knows, his only two friends have turned their backs on him and couldn’t care less if he has nowhere else to go. 

Poor thing. He needs hugs. 

“I didn’t think it was possible. Humanity has actually gotten dumber.” -Brain

OK I think this one shot establishes what the world would be like under Snowball. His name is everywhere, and he tells the population to do stupid things just to bask in his own superiority. 

However, I can’t see Brain putting his name on every building so frivolously like this if he ruled the world. Sure, he’d name a bunch of things after himself and Pinky, but it would be more meaningful to them. 

Brain wants humanity to advance, not regress. 

Poor Pinky. Despite all this new extravagance and luxury, he’s also lonely. The room and bed are large, but it lacks personality. He’s sleeping with an ACME Labs snow globe, and other than a reference to Citizen Kane, it also shows that he’s not happy with this. 

The worst thing in the world for these mice is separation from each other. 

Suicide by cat. 

Poor little guy can’t make it on his own. Luckily, he snaps out of it. 

“My world. I must save MY world!” 

Said while looking at a picture of Pinky. Real subtle there Brain. 

“Look, you fool. You have no brilliant ideas. I’m only using you to get at him! So just stay quiet!” -Snowball

“You’re...using me?” -Pinky

He was just a bargaining chip. Never a friend. 

“What do you want?” 

“My friend. And MY world!”

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

He makes martial arts noises like a dork. I love him. 

I love how their characters are reflected in the mecha designs (also I had no idea Snowball was Iron Man!) 

Snowball’s is overall the more efficient design. It’s also much more combat ready and violent. In comparison, Brain’s suit is simply operated with a bunch of levers. It’s alright for peaceful situations like getting around faster or simply blending with a human population, but in a straight up fight the levers take too much time to operate. 

Snowball is more efficient than Brain, and while he’s got the ego, he lacks the insecurities that hold Brain back. His confidence makes him such an effective foe. And more importantly, Snowball doesn’t value Pinky’s companionship. He’s a tool and nothing more. Compare that to Brain. While Brain struggles at showing it, he ultimately wants Pinky’s input and values his jumbo-sized heart. 

Somewhat off topic, but I feel like the reboot missed this aspect of Brain and made him too overly edgy and violent (reboot!Brain would probably prefer Snowball’s mecha design over his counterpart’s). The only time Brain should become violent, if not for comedy, is when he’s protecting Pinky. His plans should have a level of restraint to them, and Pinky is the moral compass.  

I just like this shit-eating grin right here (I mean, he did eat shit in Welcome to the Jungle so...lol)

This is such an insanely clever move for Pinky. I feel like Brain would be like ‘oh my god Pinky!’ and then ‘wow, that’s actually brilliant what the heck is this tingling feeling’. 

ACME LABS IS IN NEW YORK CITY??????

I know this is a case of Where the Hell is Springfield but gdi aren’t they supposed to be in southern California. 

Ok fine I realize the ending to this ep is a reference to North by Northwest cause they somehow got to Mt. Rushmore but still 

Weird tangent but North by Northwest’s ending bothers me (not gonna fault this ep as it’s just a parody)? I’m sorry the girl is barely hanging onto Mt. Rushmore, the dude pulls her up, and then they have sex in a car. The sudden transition always seemed weird to me. 

I am ending this analysis post with a weird shot of Snowball cause i can and it’s his episode. 

[wheelsgoroundincircles]

The story of Swamp Rat 17: Don Garlits' most misunderstood Top Fueler (part 1)

Don Garlits’ Swamp Rat 17, the Wynn’s Liner, had a very short life in 1973 and is roundly considered to be among the few disappointments of the more than 40 Swamp Rats he campaigned. Here's the story behind this most misunderstood car.

09 Apr 2021 Phil Burgess, NHRA National Dragster Editor

Earlier this year, I wrote a column about racecar experiments that didn’t come to fruition and cited, chief among them, Don Garlits’ Swamp Rat 17, the Wynn’s Liner, which had a very short and disappointingly unsuccessful life in 1973.

I think the reason that car always leaps to the top of my “Well, that sure didn’t work” list is because it was a rare dead end for “Big Daddy,” one of the sport’s greatest innovators and chance takers. Although there are only 38 official Swamp Rats, there were some A and B versions, and the actual number well exceeds 40, according to “Big.” So, he had a pretty great batting average, yet strikeouts are going to happen, but better to go down swinging, right? Or, as hockey great Wayne Gretzky once said, “You miss 100% of the shots that you don’t take.”

[Coming later in this column: Garlits rates his five favorite Swamp Rats and five least favorite. Stay tuned for that.]

Anyway, after heaping criticism upon the car back in February, I thought it only fair to allow The Man Himself to provide the context that defines this car’s place in the sport’s history. Not sure if he’d want to discuss one of his missteps, I reached out to the sport’s most storied driver and received an enthusiastic “I’D LOVE TO!” response to my query and away we went.

Before we get to that discussion, let me provide a little more context. The other thing that always intrigued me about Garlits’ decision to build Swamp Rat 17 was that he had blown away the sport with Swamp Rat 14 (the first rear-engined winner, 1971 Winternationals) and its evolutionary successor, Swamp Rat 16, which won the 1972 Gatornationals. (Swamp Rat 15 was a front-engined car built just in case SR14 was a flop; it never ran.) After all this success, why take this detour, especially when no one else was experimenting with aerodynamics?

Turns out that while the ‘Liner didn’t make its debut until mid-1973, the idea was conceived in mid-1971, not long after Garlits had proven that the rear-engined design worked. It was at that point that Garlits’ old buddy, Jocko Johnson, whose similarly shaped entry had made huge waves in 1959 with “Jazzy” Jim Nelson at the wheel, suggested that maybe it was time to resurrect his design and have “Big Daddy” put it on one of his chassis.

“I always liked streamlining, and Jocko had never given up on the idea, but he needed a success rear-engined car to try it again,” Garlits explained.

The only rub was that Johnson needed a shorter car, a 180-inch wheelbase chassis, to fit under the body, Swamp Rat 14 and 16 were 215 inches.

I've never seen any detailed shots of the car without the body, but did stumble across this image, a 1/16th scale version that Johnson had built to show Garlits his idea. Very cool!

Johnson, a laid-back Californian, began work on the body mold in 1971 but didn’t finish it until 1972, then came to Garlits' Seffner, Fla., base to build the body, which would not be completed and the car not race-ready until Garlits was already on Swamp Rat 19 in mid-1973.

The slow pace for the Liner’s body construction was frustrating for Garlits, who was well-known for being able to build a complete car in just a few days, and in his great book, Don Garlits and His Cars, “Big” pulled no punches about the reason for the delay.

"Jocko by now was growing his 'weed' next door and stayed 'high' most of the time! On several occasions, I went next door, pulled up the plants, and burned them. Jocko just planted more and stayed high."

In anticipation of the Wynn’s Liner’s someday completion, Garlits built Swamp Rat 18, the car dubbed “Shorty,” with a 180-inch wheelbase so he could get a feel for the three-foot-shorter configuration and ran it at several AHRA events in 1972 but never felt comfortable in the car, but he felt sure that the Liner’s body would give the car stability and faster speed, just as adding the rear wing to Swamp Rat 14 had improved top-end speeds.

“18 just wanted to do funny things going down the course," he remembered. “You had to be really careful with it. I had to really slow down the steering to even make it work at all.”

The ‘Liner was finally ready early in 1973, and Garlits towed it and “Shorty” out to California to run the AHRA Grand American event at Orange County Int’l Raceway. Veteran Funny Car racer Butch Maas, finally recovered from serious burns he had suffered in the Hawaiian Funny Car the year before, was itching to drive the car, so Garlits let him and set about getting “Shorty” also qualified for the race.

There had been so much hype built about the ‘Liner, which had been featured on the cover of Car Craft magazine back in July 1972 with the cover blurb “Garlits Aims for 275 mph.” The feature had been shot and originally the blurb had targeted 250 mph (Garlits has a copy of the original mockup with 250 on it in the museum display, and kindly shot a photo for me), but the editors decided to raise more eyebrows. Although the official national record at the time was 234.37 (set by Gaines Markley in April in Seattle), Garlits had run 243.90 mph in the final round of the Gatornationals but didn't get the chance to back it up, so maybe 250 wasn't far enough "out there" for the publication.

“By the time we got the car read, [the editors] told me that 250 wasn’t enough, that they wanted to put 275 on it,” Garlits recalled. “We thought the car might go 255 or 260, but I agreed with them that 275 sounded better and more exciting.” [For the record, we wouldn’t see 275 for another 15 years, when Darrell Gwynn ran 278 in Dallas in late 1986.]

Just as had been the case when he debuted the famous rear-engined Swamp Rat 14 in 1971, Garlits’ fellow racers scoffed at Garlits’ latest project, mostly, he thinks, because if it had been successful it would have created a major sea change in the class just as Swamp Rat 14 had done. That wasn’t to be.

Maas made several attempts in the car but was spooked by its handling and ran a best speed of 180 mph. You can see by the photo here that the car didn’t yet have the bubble canopy on it, and Garlits is not sure it ever did in the car’s short lifespan (although it's visible in the Car Craft cover, Garlits says they didn't have a working cockpit hinge yet). You can also see "Big" in the background holding the bleach bottle. Although Maas couldn’t qualify the ‘Liner, Garlits was able to put "Shorty” into the show but lost in round one to Herm Petersen. “The whole trip was a disaster,” Garlits summed up in his book.

Still determined to make it work, Garlits put Don Cook in the car for the IHRA event at Lakeland Dragway in Florida. Cook had driven the short-wheelbase, rear-engined Piranha in late 1966, so Garlits figured he could get the job done, but he also was forced to lift a half-track on several passes. "They both said it was doing something funny, so I got in the car myself for a ride,” said Garlits.

“It took off kinda slow because it was so heavy, but then it was cruising along pretty well and making a decent run when all of the sudden the motor revved up. I quickly lifted and then felt a bump, like I had hit a bump in the track or something.

“We brought it back to the pit and tore it apart, but there was nothing broken in the driveline, and that’s when we figured out that the whole car had gone airborne and when lifted it came back down, and that was the bump I felt.

“Jocko thought I had sabotaged him, so he wouldn’t get any credit for the design, which is pretty ridiculous. He went to his grave never believing that the car was doing the things I said it did.”

Garlits also had concerns about the amount of nitro fumes being trapped under the body and the fact that the car was not easy to get out of. “I knew that someday it would catch fire, and that would be a helluva deal for the driver, so I just gave up on the project,” he said.

Garlits sold the car to rocket-car racers Russell Mendez and Ramon Alvarez, who envisioned turning it into a hydrogen peroxide-powered rocket car, but Mendez was killed in an exhibition pass in their Free Spirit rocket dragster at the 1975 Gatornationals, and Alvarez, a plumber by trade (who actually had done the plumbing for Garlits' house) needed cash and sold it back to "Big." Given the 'Liners inherent instability at less than 200 mph, one can only imagine what it would have done at rocket-car speed. (“It would probably have flown right up into the sky,” Garlits marveled.)

So, I asked Garlits the million-dollar question: "Is he glad he built the car, or was it just a waste of time and money?"

“It was definitely a waste of time and money, but I’m glad we did it. I enjoyed all of the projects I did, even the ones that didn’t work out, like the Sidewinder and the turbine [-powered] car. Everyone raved about the turbine engines and how powerful they could be, and that car didn't work out but it was fun to figure it out. I always loved experimenting. That’s what made it so fun. When you’re involved with projects like those, your mind is going 24x7, trying to think of all of the scenarios to make it work.

“Plus if I hadn’t gotten together with Jocko, I wouldn’t have his original streamliner in my museum or the body from the Mooneyham-Ferguson-Jackson-Faust car. That all came together because of my relationship with Jocko."

[goodvibesatpeace]

Astrology: Midheaven or Medium Coeli (MC or Middle Sky)

In Astrology, the Midheaven is on the cusp of the tenth house on the natal chart. It is one of the most important angles on the chart and the highest point on the chart... the three other angles being Imum Coeli (IC, directly opposite to Midheaven), the Ascendant (ASC or Rising) and the Descendant (DSC).

The Midheaven represents our most visible achievements and reputation in the eyes of society, our public “face” (as opposed to our more personal “face” at the Ascendant), our accomplishments, and our overall sense of responsibility and standing in the world/society. Midheaven represents our career goals and our aspirations and how we go about earning it.

You can also use your Midheaven Sign to understand your personal and spiritual goals. You can gain insight into why you react the way you do to stressful situations. Being social is different for everyone. The MC can help you learn to trust your best social qualities to cultivate. It will show you how others perceive you. This can help you ascertain if your public "face" is helpful to you or not.

Aries Midheaven

If your Midheaven is in Aries, you surge toward new careers many times in life, with some false starts abandoned. This gives you an edge in the current atmosphere (with the need to change careers), and a willingness to forge ahead in new areas. A need to be boss opens the door for self-employment. You are the dynamic leader, whether on stage, in the military, in sports, business, law, politics. A naturally competitive (and combative) public persona brings you success in a fighting role in whatever field you choose.

You're not afraid to take daring risks, and that sets you apart. You like to be a trailblazer and can be a model in these times for great leaps into the evolutionary future.

Taurus Midheaven

People with a Midheaven in Taurus prefer to sink into a secure, hands-on career that has good prospects for generating wealth. You're skilled with earth-moving, building, shaping kinds of life work—sculpture, landscaping, gardening, architecture, real estate, antiques, and farming. This Venus-ruled Midheaven also leads you to create beauty. You shine when natural skills find a channel in visual arts, decorating, home renovation, performance arts, music, and crafts. You're able to see where the opportunities are in business and make the most of them, either as a financial world player or investor.

Gemini Midheaven

You aspire to cast a wide mental net, catch all the information you can, and shape it into new forms. This gives you gifts in fields like journalism, performance, teaching, writing, the Arts, design, and fashion. Your gift of gab helps you excel in sales, business, public relations, advertising, and being a 'spokesperson.' You enjoy work that puts you in the middle of chaos, change, excitement and a swift current of ideas.

You're a weaver of seemingly disparate threads that are part of the whole. This makes you an asset to society as a commentator, observer, translator, and broadcaster. Your kind of fluid intelligencecan be an eye-opener to more rigid minds. This gives you an important role, as a messenger of changes in thinking.

Cancer Midheaven

You come across to the public as intuitive, caring, and able to read situations on a deep level. Some possible fields for you are pediatrics, healing therapies, child care, and education, intelligence services, and social support. Your ability to tune into emotional moods makes you good at influencing others in public service, or in commercial fields like advertising, marketing. You are trusted and liked, and this helps you form webs of support that help you in your career through word of mouth.

Leo Midheaven

With your Midheaven in Leo, you've got a commanding presence that works well in many fields, including government, teaching, acting, sales, management. You bring color to your leadership style and might have creative talent, too. An over-the-top personality that lights up the room makes it easy for you to make the right connections. You could enjoy fun jobs like wedding or party planning, import-export, being the big boss of your own company. You'll enjoy cultivating a public style, and like to be in the spotlight.

You're apt to be popular in your community, with a wide sphere of influence. You strive to be in the "Who's Who" and don't mind dropping names to get ahead. Flash, dynamism, warmth, generosity—all these traits cause you to leave a lasting impression.

Virgo Midheaven

You like to have a stable routine in your chosen work and be immersed in detailed fine-tuning kinds of activities. An analyzing mind makes you a thorough researcher, writer, teacher, librarian, public servant, or data collector. You don't mind specializing, and might be drawn into particular fields of science or medicine. Those with earthy charts channel that love of a daily rhythm into farming, healing, alternative medicine. You make your mark as someone that works hard and has high integrity, along with a sense of duty and service.

Your work may involve healing the Earth, purifying the body of dis-ease, teaching others about the inter-dependence of systems. You could find fulfillment in holistic health fields, literature, creating healing environments like spas, health food stores or yoga centers.

Libra Midheaven

With a Midheaven in Libra, you have a polished, sociable public persona that allows you to make good connections. You project an image of fairness and flexibility. A versatile attitude allows you to go with the flow and adjust your career path as times change. Your eye for what's in style translates well to image consulting, decorating, the arts, entertainment media. But you're just as likely to go for intellectual careers, like law, politics, public policy, diplomacy, or writing. Your sense of balance and high level of integrity makes you a sought-after partner in any business.

Having charm in spades makes you a good interviewee, and inspires others to help you up the ladder of success.

Scorpio Midheaven (This is me)

You're able to go deeply into one field of endeavor and become an expert researcher, leaving no stone unturned. Your penetrating mind is both respected and feared by colleagues. You excel in areas like depth psychology, criminal investigating, hypnosis, dramatic arts, or social sciences. You prefer to have long periods to work in solitude without interruption. You might make your mark by transforming waste into something reusable. You shine light into the shadows and are not afraid to tread in dark, primal psychic territory.

This could lead you to energy healing work, sex therapy (Tantra). or soul retrieval. You're good at spotting hidden motives, and this serves you in any endeavor. You're likely to undergo a metamorphosis several times, possibly changing careers.

Sagitarrius Midheaven

People with Midheavens in Sagittarius are expansive and open to inter-disciplinary fields. Drawn to sharing what you know with others, through teaching, counseling or as a spiritual quester and guide. You're the eternal student and thrive in life work that allows you to research, investigate, explore, philosophize and connect dots. Some such fields are higher education, the clergy, journalism, languages, writing, photography, filmmaking, and theatre. Travel unlocks new possibilities, as you weave in cross-cultural influences, ideas, and wisdom.

Capricorn Midheaven

You're suited to climbing personal mountains and have a heightened level of endurance to reach your goals. Those with earthy charts veer into fields like farming, real estate, food product businesses, horticulture. This is a mega-ambitious Midheaven and one that gears you toward stability, wealth-building and slow, sure steps to success. Your public persona is serious and determined, and this earns you respect. You make use of your time and resources and know how to gain support from others.

Aquarius Midheaven

You bring an unconventional attitude to your life's work and you love excitement, glamour, and originality. You're willing to follow a genius idea to its fruition, even if that means bucking tradition and being labeled a rebel in your field. It's possible, you'll make sudden breakthroughs that gain you notoriety. You are challenged by gadgets and cosmic science and could be drawn into astronomy, astrology, computer science, engineering.

But you're just as likely to ride the currents of trends, in fashion, design, experimental art, and music. You may make your mark as an instigator for social change, especially progressive causes that you believe will better humanity. You might find special interest in the idea of extra-terrestrial life, and pursue it as part of your quest to go beyond the usual limits of thought.

Pieces Midheaven

You shine in fields where you're able to swim in deep waters. Pisces is a very creative Mid-heaven, that sets you up to be an artist, performer, a healer, a friend to kids and animals, and use your intuition as a tool. Your strength is your sensitivity, but also may keep you from claiming your full potential. Your gift is to shape the collective messages, through song, story, nurturing, spiritual teachings, and just by being who you are.

You may be drawn to working on or near the water, and have the ability to tune into non-verbal kinds of communication (animals, marine life, nature spirits, elementals, inter-dimensional beings). Pisces rules the feet, and this could lead to work as a reflexologist, podiatrist or just someone that loves to give/receive foot massages!

Which one are you?

Much love to all... go in peace my friends

[wolfthebard]

*A post from my Twitter* Hey all. Been a while, right? Kinda taking a long break from streaming/ blogging. Not unusual, but it's more so personal than for outside issues. My Girlfriend brought to my attention that I don't seem to enjoy streaming. "I show how much I love the game, but not streaming itself" 

"Always treating it as a job. A job that doesn't pay." For many, streaming is their livelihoods. It is indeed their job, and I respect it. I did and still do consider it one of mine. My Girlfriend is right though, by doing that I've built it up as something to dread. 

Like my own job, I just wake up and "do it". It's like punching in and just reciting the same thing over and over. That I don't want. My goal for streaming, has always been building a community. I've always been the guy who loves talking to people, hearing about peoples days 

Getting to talk about the latest things, and trying to cheer people up. Streaming allowed me to do that. I was slowly building up a fun community who got to share my experiences with games. Working on articles. Unfortunately, outside things happened. 

Too many to count, and I went from doing 7 days a week, to 6, to 5, down to almost nothing. I lost my community, and along with that I lost some friends. I mean, I don't blame them. My schedule is as reliable as the U.S Healthcare system...probably too dark of a joke. 

I had decided I was going to change my name and re-brand (my Twitch name). Thinking I could use what I went to college for (business/ English) and establish myself as someone. Anyone. Finally thinking I could be a better self. I would do what I loved, and not follow trends 

That part I enjoyed. I played games I loved, talked about things I loved. I wasn't setting stupidly hard goals like I did before (weekly articles and daily streams). I look back at how foolish I was, but I still didn't learn. A failure that haunts me. 

I still wasn't me. I look back at even my more recent stuff. I'm stiff, cold almost. I keep telling myself that I have failed. That in two years I have managed to do nothing in life. I know damn well that isn't true. I've grown, but I'm still hesitant to admit it. 

When it's easier to take in failure than success. Kinda fucked up in a way. It's holding me back, and I hate it. So I'll be on a break for a while. Finding myself, and material to work with. I'll come back, stronger, most of all emotionally charged. 

My goal for 2019 was simple. I wanted to better myself. I have in some ways. I have to learn that I have. In some areas I've improved greatly, others not so much. I'll be working on those. 

I know this is coming off as crying about numbers, and it isn't supposed to be. I just wish I knew what I wanted, and could be happy with that. Could see all the success and accept them. Along with the failures of course. Cause it's not just luck, but a whole bunch of stuff that leads to success and such. I just need energy, and through rest I hope to get it. Hopefully I'll find "me" along the way. I want to thank a few people. I might miss some, but you’re all bamfs to me. @wolvenmonarch You’ve been such a great person. Always warm and welcoming. Supporting, encouraging, and just amazing. One of my first followers under the old name, you’ve been there through it all. Thank you. You’re working so hard, and I hope it all pays off. You’re amazing! @teanecromancer All the chat’s we’ve had. Watching all your creations come to fruition. It’s inspiring. Seeing all those mini’s pop to life, it always brightens my day. Thank you, for brightening my day. @aseroerubra Thanks to you, I have some of the most amazing art. My channel has something people can identify. Thank you. Your art is simply astonishing. You have a craft that you’re mastering. I’m glad I get to show it off.  Thank you for all the smiles. You got this, and you’re going to kick life’s ass. @sekkuar-swagkeeper You’re almost always in my chat. Helping me along with the game, and keeping me awake. Thank you for that. You’re going to go far. You have a kindness that is truly a strength.  @follower-of-liliana Bright, encouraging, and you make some awesome cards. I’m so happy that you trust me for a review, and that you ask me questions. Keep going beyond, you got this! @debaiser Strong, a storm of fire in a person. Inspiring and kind. Thanks for cheering me up and listening to me when I rant. You’re a good person, and I hope one day you get to see that. Keep being you, and keep the weird strong!

I know I'm missing people, and I'm sorry. This is pretty long. I just want to say, thank you all. The love, support, laughs, and memes. You're all fantastic. You know what? So am I. Sooner or later I'm going to have to accept that. I’ll still be here, still be commenting and sharing things. It’s just a break from streaming. See you all soon. -Wolf

[spookygator]

36 from the oc ask prompt

36. What are they good at? What hobbies do they like? Can they sing?

Buttercup, halfling chef druid: She is absolutely obsessed with cooking, baking, brewing and fermenting, a hobby in unison with her love of nurturing plants into fruition for harvest. She tends to grow everything she can get her hands on, from tea to gourds to flowers, if she is given seeds she will do everything in her power to make them big, happy plants. She also got into making wines and beers, spicing them and keeping them in a nice place to grow richer with age, a lot of her patience from farming benefits her culinary interests too. She is big into arcades and crafting mundane cute items, like charms, calligraphy, sown cloth flower crowns, and pressed real flower bookmarks for friends. She sometimes goes overboard decorating the restaurant she works at, and doodles outlays for when she has her own to customize. She is also into historical reenactment specifically in the context of food history, and considers it to be Cooking: Hardmode! to be using clay ovens and the like. In general she loves to read on other cultures, and finding out the context behind why certain recipes came to exist, what trade happened where and why to result in a beloved dish, how a shortage of some ingredient made people improvise with another to cause the version everyone loves today, etc. Minutia and trivia are really up her alley. She loves karaoke and singing along to her favorite songs, but she is out of key and more enthusiastic than pretty sounding. 

Cly, lizard folk/vesk barbarian scientist/professor: She’s mainly into aquarium and terrarium building when she isn’t organizing lesson plans, constantly researching for building the most ideal habitats for her many many plants and animals. For her, work is a hobby so she tends to vanish into her lab to study how to treat diseases, replicate organs, or make more low stakes things like devices that assist in shedding, or rehydrating the skin of an amphibious being that has been dangerously out of water for some time, etc. When it isn’t immediately research related, she tends to favor swimming and just being submerged in as much water as possible, holding very still so that the local fish, frogs, and other animals become comfortable enough to exist around her, moving and going about their business as if she were just a big boulder or something instead of a threat to freeze for. Her favorite is when the tinier ones hide under her shade to protect themselves against predators. Related, she likes to collect shells, bones, cool rocks, and organs when she can manage to harmlessly or without taking away a creature’s meal. Monster movies amuse her, and feed into her main side hobby of Hypothetical Biology, where she writes these giant fan fictions about alternate universes where evolutionary patterns went differently, creating totally different animals. Or she attempts to reverse engineer how impossible, fictitious monsters from her world’s pop culture could exist given the circumstances that she presents, ultimately writing a very dense series of essays that would alienate most fans of the media by accident. She can sing surprisingly well, but she is untrained and tends to lose volume control the more into it she gets.   

Seraph, rakshasa tiefling bard: She is dummy into singing and practicing her main instrument, the drums. She loves to look at etymology and thesauruses so that she can become a better lyricist, and in general deeply appreciate the nuances of the languages she is singing in. In an attempt to talk to as many people as possible, she also picks up on new languages for fun, absolutely honing in on the word play in each. But on top of that her hobbies include history and especially religion/urban legends/myths that lend themselves to fun stories. She comes to life around the campfire, her arsenal of tales to dramatically tell in hand, ears perked for new ones to pass on at her next gathering. Additionally she loves knives, collecting/polishing/sharpening them with a devoutness that is near hilarious given that she names all of hers bad puns like C Sharp. She sings to them as she does so. She also loves to attend music festivals and parties, a big extravert who loves to just be in the presence of people and energy and sound. Nothing gets her more excited than seeing someone taking up an instrument that they’re passionate about for the first time, so she tries to support fellow musicians in any way she can, especially noobs to it. She lives for duets and encouraging people to pursue their interests, if that counts as a hobby at all lmao. She also fancies herself a matchmaker and tries to get people with chemistry alone together, but only if they express a wish for that explicitly at some point that she can pick up on. She is also dabbling in crafting costumes, mainly masks, capes, and other such things for theatre, celebrations, always has an emergency sowing kit on hand so nobody has a bad time when working with her on stage. 

[douxreviews]

Charmed - Season Seven Review

"I don't think we're getting out of this one, girls."

Season Seven is one of Charmed's weirdest years. After the mess of Season Six, the series seemingly finds its way again. The first 13 episodes take the season in an interesting and thoughtful direction, after which the show starts to build towards some sort of resolution, though said resolution feels rushed and odd. Despite what is clearly a season begging to close out this seven-year story, there's sadly more aneurisms on the horizon in Season Eight. Before that we do get to experience some surprisingly decent material, with a few crappy episodes thrown in for good measure.

Following the events of Season Six, the Halliwells' lives are still in turmoil after Gideon's betrayal, and the death of future Chris. The most interesting element of this is Leo's struggle to clear his name after killing Gideon, something that gets even more complicated after Barbas' meddling in the premiere forces Leo into murdering another Elder, this one completely innocent. This destructive behavior sets Leo on a path towards the Avatars, a mysterious group initially introduced in Season Five, back when Cole was groomed to join their cause, a cause that was at that point, unclear.

There’s also the introduction of Kyle Brody to contend with, a detective who has a large distrust of the Avatars, thanks to their role in murdering his mother and father when they stumble into the wrong place at the wrong time. His relationship with Paige is interestingly drawn, with her loyalty to him being tested in an altogether different way than Phoebe's was back in Season Four. Brody has some valid reasons for siding against the Charmed Ones, reasons that Paige herself understands. He loses his life while trying to stop the Avatars’ plan to remake the world in their image from coming to fruition, but his death is a powerful moment, and gives Rose a rare chance to make Paige appear likable again. His reincarnation as a whitelighter is completely unnecessary, though.

The Avatar arc is actually one of the more inspired of Charmed's long running stories, mostly because it attempts to tackle something a little “grayer” than would be typical of the series, especially this late in the game. Though they seem to initially offer a better world for the Charmed Ones, one without demons or evil, the Avatars’ "new order" isn’t as clear cut as it seems, with free will eradicated. The girls are left with no other option but to join forces with a demon named Zankou in order to reverse the world altering spell in 'Extreme Makeover: World Edition' (the episode titles are starting to get real wild). The resolution to this whole debacle is a refreshingly tame one, with the girls reasoning the Avatars out of their position of power, and parting ways with Zankou who promises to come face to face with them further down the line. Initially I was a bit underwhelmed by what transpires with the entire arc, but looking back its actually quite poignant, interspersing moments of intriguing mystery with bitter realizations about the world these characters exist in.

The seeds sewn during the girls' reluctant team-up with Zankou are used to great effect later on the season. Some of the episodes in question are plagued by poor execution, notably in 'Death Becomes Them', when the guilt the sisters' are forced to relive when Zankou resurrects innocents they failed to save just doesn't hit home; it's a fantastic idea that doesn't push the boundaries far enough. Zankou himself is still a terrific villain, with Oded Fehr's performance way outshining the bland macho-posturing of the Z-list demons around him. His villainy comes to a head in the finale, with the girls "sacrificing" themselves to stop him from taking control of the Nexus beneath the manor. The episode itself is a tense, exciting ride that gives Zankous's master plan a lot of gravitas, and has a few fun call-backs to elements of past seasons, though it's oddball ending leaves the season in a weird place, with the girls faking their deaths and escaping the potential exposition of their explosive showdown with Zankou at the manor. The ending has some interesting repercussions in theory, and the open-endedness of it is pretty exciting, but it's not exactly where I would want the show to end up. In hindsight, it would seem almost a mercy to viewers to end it here, rather than face the shit-show that is the show's final season. Not to mention how clumsily this is all dealt with after the fact. Ugh.

Outside of the resonance of the Avatar arc and Zankou's generally fun presence, the season feels a little off. 'The Bare Witch Project' is an embarrassing approach to modern day sexism that is unintentionally sexist itself. Any excuse to get Alyssa in her underwear, right? 'Freaky Phoebe’s is another shitty hour that is the perfect example of how tired the possessed sister trope has become. And 'Imaginary Friends' is a bad re-hash of the "let’s turn Wyatt evil" plan that was done to death in Season Six, with the episode further hindered by the black-sucking hole of boredom that is Wes Ramsey's portrayal of an adult Wyatt.

The generally tired attitude is evident in the rest of the guest casting, too. Phoebe's annual love interest this season is the terribly cast Nick Lachey, whose character Leslie steps in as a ghost writer for Phoebe's column when she takes a sabbatical from dishing out useless advice. Of course, the writers use this opportunity to shove them together, even though their chemistry is non-existent. Erica Dane's charm that kept Jason Dean afloat last season just isn't there with Leslie, either; stick to the boybands and reality shows, Nick. Things do look up briefly mid-season, with Billy Zane's brief arc as ex-demon Drake, who momentarily suspends Phoebe's descent into a chasm of whining and self-importance. Zane is ridiculously charismatic, elevating otherwise drab material and injecting life into an increasingly bored looking cast. His exit after just three episodes is sad to watch, but it's more of a tribute to how great Zane was rather than how well Drake was written.

In general, the sisters’ journeys this season are a little uninspired. Paige does find some purpose with her inheritance of Magic School, a job she later passes on to Leo when she fully embraces her whitelighter duties. Phoebe thankfully parks sperm hunt '04 to embrace her role as a source of relationship advice; it’s a nice change of pace from her standard plots revolving around bland love interests but she's just as annoying as she was when she was man-hunting. Piper is still focused on helping Leo, though it’s her role as a mother of two that's one of the few elements that help her to remain somewhat relatable. That aside, there isn’t a whole lot of growth where Piper’s concerned, despite remaining the only tolerable character.

Potions and Notions

Phoebe regains her power of premonition this season. It’s the only of her three powers that she ever gets to use again on-screen, with empathy and levitation remaining too strenuous on the budget.

Death makes his second appearance here, and his first since Season Three. I love that there’s reference to the fact that it was only Prue who saw him last time. One of the rare occasions where the series keeps its continuity in check.

I loved the shots in 'Extreme Makeover: World Edition' that showed all the people going to sleep, with the characters addressing little plot holes like the planes in the sky falling without a pilot to fly them.

Julian McMahon reprises his role as Cole in the 150th episode ‘The Seven Year Witch’. It’s disappointing that he only gets to interact with Piper, who is temporarily stuck in some form of limbo, but he remains a huge talent, and it was great to see him on the series again.

In the season finale, the girls use Astral Projection when trying to trick Zankou. There’s a reference to Prue having taught them the skill at one point, though back in the day it was heavily implied it was one of Prue’s individual talents, not a learned ability.

Spells and Chants

Death: "Which means ending death effectively ends life, throws off the entire cosmic design, the whole point, and for what? A single fleeting life. This is bigger than your sister, Piper. Much bigger."

Paige: "Well, you're gonna go deaf first. Don't forget, you're the older sister." Piper: "Yeah, I love you too."

Paige: "Last column?" Phoebe: "Well yeah. How much advice can a world with no conflict need? I may be out of the job." Paige: "You okay with that?" Phoebe: "I've got better things to look forward to."

Leo: "I tried to change the world for you ... and I would do it again in a heartbeat. "

Phoebe: "Those demons do have a way of keeping you warm at night." Piper: "Yeah, but that's only because they have fireballs."

Best Episode: Witchness Protection; a remarkably affecting episode, with Charisma Carpenter's incredibly likeable Kira bringing the show together in a way that hasn't been seen since early season five.

Honorable Mentions: Charmageddon; Something Wicca This Way Goes.

Worse Episode: The Bare Witch Project

There's a general sense that those behind the camera (and in front of it) wanted this to be where Charmed's journey ended, and it's hard not to argue with that. By the time we reach the season finale the series had completely drained the well of ideas and, despite a short lived creative resurgence during the initial Avatar arc, the season was mostly a mere shadow of the series Charmed used to be, and the sisters themselves were starting to grate. Sadly, the WB Elders kept the show plugged in for one more year. The only reprieve of the show's extended life is the potential for the series to craft an ending that feels a little less rushed. In hindsight that still doesn't justify the trash we get fed in Season Eight, but 20/20 I guess...

5 out of 10 world altering spells.

Panda

[her-culture]

Cococlectic: The Woman-Owned Business that Could

“You will be defined not just by what you achieve, but by how you survive” -- Sheryl Sandberg, COO, Facebook.

Women are the ultimate survivors. We’ve had to endure the limitations of living under the patriarchy until someone stood up knowing enough was enough. Women were once symbols of the domestic, quiet, simple, sedentary life. That age of belittling and subjugating women to being seen and not heard has made its way out of 2021.

In the age of feminism, women - predominantly minority women (BIPOC and LGBTQ) - are becoming powerhouses of inspiration for future generations to come. 

That is why it is exciting to introduce a phenomenal businesswoman who started her own chocolate box subscription service - Cococlectic - and her name is Doreen Leong.

Doreen is originally from Malaysia and moved to San Francisco in 2006, where she attended graduate school. The Cococlectic bean-to-bar business was born in 2014. In 2016, she studied the culinary arts, particularly training in baking and patisserie. Combining her love for the chocolate-making craft and her hard-earned business degrees, Cococlectic has gone on to support small businesses and educate communities about the craft. 

In a recent interview with Doreen, I went behind-the-scenes to find out what has made Cococlectic a successful, impactful business and learn more about the ambitious founder of a delicious business endeavor.

Cococlectic in Action: Q&A

Q: Why the name “Cococlectic”? How did you come up with the name?

A: A friend of mine who is a whiz with words came up with the name. He wanted to blend “cocoa” and “eclectic” and create a portmanteau of the two words.

Q: Where/How/When was the idea of Cococlectic born?

A: I moved to California in 2006 to attend graduate school and discovered all these delicious dark chocolates. I started sending care packages of dark chocolates to my sister in Singapore, and friends and family here in the US started asking me to send them chocolates. It sparked an idea in me, and I thought, “Maybe other people would want me to curate chocolate boxes for them too. Maybe this could be a business.”

So, I started Cococlectic in 2014 in just two months. We turned 7 in January, and we are growing fast. I wanted to feature and focus on American chocolate makers – the same types of chocolates that I discovered when I moved to California. 

Q: What does your career path look like? How did you come about starting your own business/service?

A: I have always been an entrepreneur and a business-minded person. I wanted to start a business that meant a lot to me and decided to go to culinary school to get formal training. I wanted to learn the ins and outs of cooking and baking! Combining my business degrees with culinary training, I’m armed with the skills and knowledge to make Cococlectic into something great.

Q: Why is it essential that this is a woman-owned, minority-owned business? What does this mean personally to you?

A: It’s essential that people see themselves as business owners and leaders, especially young people who are still figuring out their place in the world. I’m also grateful that Cococlectic allows me to support other minority-owned businesses by collaborating with them.

Women can do just as much (or even more) than men. We have strong voices, and with our voices, we can do great things for the community, like creating jobs, providing services, and bringing joy through our businesses.

Q: What impact would you like Cococlectic to have on communities and small businesses?

A: I want to help foster a supportive environment for fellow minority-owned businesses. There are so many great small businesses that don’t get a lot of media attention, and I think it’s vital for us to all talk to each other, learn from each other, create communities, and help each other grow our businesses. And, of course, I want to share all the amazing chocolate makers we feature with the world!

I also want Cococlectic’s story to encourage everyone that you can do anything you want with one step at a time. Start small and grow slowly. Don’t be afraid to take risks.

Q: What do you love about the craft chocolate-making business?

A: I love the community of people involved in chocolate making – the farmers, the chocolate makers. It’s a humble craft. It’s not an easy craft. I also love how each chocolate bar’s flavors can taste so different from one region to another. Even using beans from the same region or even those grown on the same farm, other makers can create different flavors in their bars. 

Q:  What challenges did you face, especially as a woman and minority, starting this entrepreneurship/business?

A: It can be hard to get our company’s story and the message about what we’re doing out there, especially without a lot of funding backing us up. I would love to hold more chocolate classes for our local community and provide educational opportunities for rural farmers in Malaysia if we had more funding.

Often, people want to work with businesses that they are familiar with, often run by men or people who may not identify as a minority. Immigrants, women, and POC sometimes have to look (or work) a little harder to find collaborators and funding.

Q: How has Cococlectic dealt with the impact of the pandemic? What measures have been taken to keep customers safe and satisfied?

A:  We’re very fortunate to have an internet-driven business during times like these. In addition to following all California guidelines on health and safety, we ship chocolates to people using USPS mail, allowing for no-contact delivery (and supports our Post Office!). The chocolate makers have stringent guidelines to follow to ensure their staff and food products remain safe. We are thankful that everyone on our team (and the chocolate makers) have been safe! We also offer virtual chocolate tastings so that individuals or groups can have a fun, socially-distant food experience.

Before Covid, we were doing chocolate-tasting sessions in person at companies. Since last March, we had to quickly pivot that part of our business and move it online. Thankfully, it has worked out. Instead of only being able to conduct tasting sessions locally in the Bay Area, we’ve been able to do it for companies in New York, Texas, Budapest, UK, and beyond!

We’ve lost a few customers because they lost their jobs due to the pandemic, and we also had to shuffle the featured chocolate makers around to accommodate makers who were not able to fulfill our orders. We work with many smaller makers, so they need a lot of lead time to produce the chocolate bars in small batches. But we’re still here and grateful for that. 

Q: I saw you mentioned that you offer virtual chocolate tasting. Tell me more about that. How did the idea come to fruition? What has the experience been like?

A: The experience has been amazing. We have people coming back for more tastings, larger teams, different teams, and clients. One of the most extensive tastings we’ve hosted was for a group of 450+ folks.

We also started showcasing the featured chocolate maker for the month in a virtual chocolate tasting with our customers, and they loved it! People love to see who’s behind the chocolates they are tasting and the stories of the chocolate makers. It’s great to know that we are building a community of chocolate makers and chocolate lovers.

Q: What do ethical food and ethical work treatment look like/mean at Cococlectic?

A:  It’s crucial for us to pay a living wage to those who work for us – the chocolate makers, our staff, and farmers. We only source ethically made chocolates for our boxes, which ensures that there are no harmful chemicals present in the production process, in essence, protecting the environment, workers, and customers. We believe in supporting our local communities and international cocoa growers, so as much as we can, we use ingredients and packing products made in the US.

Q: What reaction/experience/thought do you want customers to have when they open a box of Cococlectic?

A: “OMG, this is amazing chocolate!”

“I didn’t know dark chocolate could taste so good with only three ingredients – cacao bean, cocoa butter, and sugar!”

“I love learning about the small-batch chocolate makers.”

“I’ve never heard of this maker and so glad I got to try their craft.”

Q: How would you describe your career/business to other people who are not familiar with the company?

A: Birchbox for dark chocolate, only that we feature all local chocolate makers and full-size bars, not sample sizes.

Q: How do you envision Cococlectic five or even ten years from now?

A: I would envision us being the largest retail store (online and brick and mortar) that carries an extensive collection of craft chocolate from all over the world and small-batch American-made craft chocolate products. I want to increase our support for farmers in Malaysia through education and purchasing. I would also love for us to start making chocolate bars of our own to sell. I did go to culinary school, after all.

Q: What do you want people to think of or remember about Cococlectic?

A: The memories they make with the chocolate bars they get to share with loved ones. And of course, our high-quality chocolates and the personal interactions that we have with our customers and community.

Q: Have you ever considered opening a store, and if so, where would it be located?

A: Yes. Aiming for somewhere in California. It’ll be a part cafe, part chocolate shop. More to come soon! 

Q: Any chocolate dishes you would recommend to first-timers?

A: For savory, I'd recommend mole. It has deep chocolatey flavors in a thick sauce. For sweets, I’d recommend a chocolate souffle. The fluffy, aerated dessert is so decadent when made with chocolate! You can’t go wrong there. 

Q: What advice/tips do you have for anyone looking to start their own business/service or anyone wanting to go into the culinary side of the business?

A: Think twice about whether you want to devote all your time to a culinary/food-related business as it’s a lot of work – but the rewards are endless. The customers are what make my day. We can work long days and experience crazy holiday rushes, but if you don’t mind that, I’d say go for it!! If you have a vision and drive, don’t ever let anyone stop you!

Q: And finally, my most burning question: What is your favorite chocolate and why?

A: I love dark chocolate that’s about 70%-75%.You get the best flavors of the cacao bean in that %. Any darker or sweeter, you lose the flavors from the cacao bean. The darker you go, the flavors don’t pop out. The sweeter you go, the sugary sweetness masks all that flavor.

My favorite origin is Madagascar because it has this unique berry flavor that’s tangy and in your face, but as you taste more of it, you still taste the chocolaty flavor notes. I think it’s the perfect combination of sweet citrus and chocolaty, and I like that I can get a taste for the unique beans used in the bar.

The Final Curtain Call

If you have learned anything from reading this article, I hope it’s the message of perseverance. It is one thing to achieve a goal, whether it be short or long term, but it is different when it comes to surviving and thriving beyond accomplishing your goal. I like to call Doreen’s business “The Woman-Owned Business that Could” (and did!) because, like that story of the Little Engine that Could, it went from possibility to reality. The “I think I can” transitioned to the statement of “I know I can.” 

Despite being in the minority and being a woman, Doreen was able to create a thriving business, not for the sake of economic profit but to educate communities about the chocolate-making craft and recognize small American companies. In a corporate-owned world, it is hard for small businesses to survive, but with determination, persistence, and passion, Cococlectic has set an example for the entrepreneurial world. 

As we continue to celebrate Women’s History Month, let’s remember to recognize and give tribute to the exemplary women out there fighting to create a world of equity and justice for all women worldwide.

A special shout out to Doreen and the Cococlectic team members for bringing deliciousness and fond, chocolatey memories to our homes! 

To learn more about Cococlectic and the Cococlectic team, visit: https://cococlectic.com/

Samantha Diaz is an avid reader and loves anything fantasy related!

[eponymous-rose]

Talks Machina Highlights - Episode 106

Returning after several weeks away from writing these! Huge thanks to @loquaciousquark​ for jumping in. <3

The episode begins with Matt and Marisha lint-rolling Darin’s suit.

Marisha officially started as CD of Geek and Sundry back in January or February and finally feels like she can start talking about how the work she’s been doing has been coming to fruition.

No TM next week due to travel.

There were four police helicopters circling Matt and Marisha’s place, during which a police dog came through their backyard and destroyed their backyard couch.

Marisha’s doing an AMA on the subreddit tomorrow.

Brian: “Banned from every single Critical Role Q&A as of this moment are any and all High Noon-related questions.”

Once the party rested for the evening before going to find Ioun, Matt knew they would be too late to prevent Vecna’s ascension, and from there he was just waiting for a good narrative beat to reveal it.

Darin thought Sprigg was going to have to sacrifice himself to keep Ioun alive. Matt wasn’t sure how that was going to end, either, but as soon as Sprigg started offering his services, Matt and Darin both saw the opportunity for a redemption arc 37 years in the making. 

Sprigg never actually learned anybody’s names in the party.

Sprigg’s advice to Vax was something Darin took to heart during a hard time in his life: “Life is loud, and noisy, and it should be a celebration.”

Marisha points out that just because Keyleth’s taking a more neutral or cynical worldview in some situations, that doesn’t mean she’s losing the empathy that’s the core of her character. The two aren’t mutually exclusive; she mainly sees it as Keyleth becoming less “stubborn in her self-righteousness.”

Matt felt Percy was beginning to fall into the nature of someone who was a seeker of knowledge, but it was knowledge that he coveted for his own enlightenment, as opposed to sharing it with others. “He prided himself on knowing things and being the one who knew things.” Not so much even keeping the guns secret, which was more about the danger involved, but more “just his personality and his lack of faith in the gods in general.” Matt thought about Scanlan, who’d spent his life learning about the world and then conveying and sharing that knowledge to uplift and inspire other people. Between Ioun being a goddess devoted to the sharing and spreading of knowledge, and Scanlan’s newfound interest in faith, those elements came together and made Scanlan “a more pure candidate than what Percival was at the moment.”

Matt didn’t have any idea how everyone was going to solve the puzzle, what groups they were going to break into, etc.---he’d thought of a few possible ways for them to succeed, and then had to sit back and hope they’d figure it out.

Keyleth doesn’t think being faithless would necessarily disqualify her in Melora’s eyes, especially given the conversations she’s had with the gods thus far; it’s the difference between belief and reverence. She’s more concerned about time right now than anything else.

The gods can only give their gifts once. If they give it away to the wrong people, it cannot be given again, which is why they’re running these tests (also because it’s more fun that way). If Scanlan had failed the test, Ioun would not have given him her blessing, and would’ve waited for another powerful adventurer to come by. Matt points out that while Vox Machina are among the most powerful people in the world right now, there’s a lot going on in the world, and other candidates could potentially arise.

Darin thinks Sprigg is going to enjoy accumulating so much knowledge and living everyone else’s adventures; it’s his version of heaven.

Vecna fundamentally seeks knowledge; he hangs onto it, keeps it secret, and kills anyone else who knows it. Brian points out that Sprigg is also essentially hoarding knowledge (he’s chaotic evil, but he’s not necessarily a villain: he’s selfish), but now he’s learning to give a bit of that back since Ioun shared some of herself with him and he returned it to her.

Keyleth is genuinely delighted for Percy and Vex, but thinks Percy is “a little bit of a fucking dick for not telling me.” Keyleth’s also got some jealousy going on given Vax’s situation right now. “Good for her. Good for her. Good for Janet.”

Matt points out that the gods they’ve seen are just the most readily available ones to them, and so it’s possible for them to actively seek out the others: Kord, Erathis, etc. But now they have to weigh it against the time (and other things) they’ll lose in doing so, versus deciding to engage in the final conflict earlier. Marisha points out how much Matt loves his timed challenges.

Matt: “Someone please make a half-orc named Thigh Gap as a D&D character.”

After it appears in somebody’s screen name, Darin learns what “grundle” means. Pointing to his suit: “You know what, this is linen. I spent a couple bucks on this. There’s a fake carnation. Thank you for your username.” Matt suggests “grundle” be replaced by “humble bundle” in the common vernacular from now on.

Matt and Darin agree that Sprigg’s alignment has shifted more toward chaotic neutral. Darin: “You get older, you change. You can’t stay the same.” Marisha: “People change you. If you’re left alone, you stay the same.” 

During the discussion, Darin and Matt segue naturally into a brief scene together as Sprigg and Dimitri the imp.

Marisha talks about the parallels between Keyleth’s connections with Kerrek and Sprigg: both arrived right in the midst of her being stuck in a rut where she didn’t feel like anyone in the party was available to mirror her inner worries back to her. Sprigg talking about forgetting his companions’ names brought up a new fear in Keyleth about her future, but at the same time, his statements about the importance of memory are helping her start to process the possibility of losing Vax.

Darin talks about how roleplaying can let you tell a friend how deeply you feel about them without having to say it directly. Brian points out that the genuine openness and emotional honesty between the players is one of the biggest draws of the show.

Matt is deeply moved that the show fits into that rare space where people watching the show can relatively easily go out and emulate it themselves. It’s not just knowing people like the show, it’s knowing the show pushed them to start their own adventures and make their own connections that could play out for years... possibly even 37 years and two generations of players.

Matt loves having a villain that can pop in and taunt VM whenever he likes. Vecna’s pretty much just going around and trolling everyone who doesn’t believe he’s already won. Having a recurring villain like that also gives Matt more opportunities to develop him as a character and to build more interactions with the players.

Brian thinks of the Raven Queen-Vax interactions as a Galadriel-Frodo relationship... but if Galadriel were played by Helena Bonham Carter.

Blocks Machina:

The inspiration for Vecna’s voice is a bit of Orson Welles with some gravel and a little rounding.

Marisha and Darin encourage Matt to look into voice directing, and he thinks he’d enjoy that, but he also thinks there isn’t really a gap there right now with all the wonderful folks directing at the moment. He also finds directing exhausting and has one or two other things on his plate right now...

Darin on taking risks like traveling across the country for something you’re passionate about: “You can only take the first step.” Marisha: “It’s good you’re scared. You should be. That’s healthy.” Matt talks about how it’s important to go into it knowing that persistence may not be enough to pay off, and you have to keep checking in with yourself to make sure it’s still something you’re passionate about. It can take a long time, and you have to be prepared for bad years among the good years. Brian points out that wherever you start out, you should already be doing your craft there, because you’re not magically going to find inspiration and the ability to do the work by moving across the country. Marisha talks about the isolation of moving to a new place, and also talks about checking your ego at the door and trying to find ways to pay it forward as you go.

Matt talks about how he grew up with the old-school tabletop RPG communities and always wanted to be an ambassador to help bring the old-school fans into the newer/transformative stuff, so in spite of himself he still gets very bummed out when he stumbles across a whole thread of D&D fans talking about how much they hate him and think he’s singlehandedly ruined the game and the genre. Getting that kind of negativity is almost inevitable, but getting it from a group that he considers himself a part of hits a lot harder.

Darin mentions that Sprigg’s last thank-you was, of course, to Matt rather than Ioun.

[crystalized-dreams]

So, if you frequent Twitter and/or Facebook, you’ll probably know I’ve been pretty sick. While I’m about halfway through my medicine (and hopefully feeling 100% once more), my focus is… very shake-y, at the moment, to say the least. As someone who normally multitasks a loot, it’s so… frustrating to essentially just be stuck staring at one thing and struggling to even accomplish that.

I don’t really like leaving things unfinished and right now, my unfinished pile feels kind of unbearable and there’s not much I can do about it. To make matters worse, because of the previous mentioned problem of not being able to focus, my mind is constantly thinking up ideas (whether drawings, stories, or something else entirely) that I just… do not have the time or talent to put into fruition and it’s pretty disheartening, honestly.

Meanwhile, I’ve been trying to write this entry since earlier this week and wanted to get it up before Pocket Camp came out because I was going to say how likely it’d be to come out the 21st/22nd because the Fortune Event ended then and it was also when the dailies ended for the current round instead of it being the usual 10–of course, I was right with that, but I never actually managed to… get that post done. On the bright side, I did manage to get all the wallpapers in the Fortune event:

As you can see, I apparently got Bitty: I don’t really think it’s that fitting, but I don’t really like to keep retaking these quizzes. I just wish they’d stop with the “shortened” quizzes–most people would prefer to answer all the questions to get a more accurate result and so it’s frustrating when it’s essentially powered by RNG to an extent because I don’t feel it’s entirely accurate.

As for the progress in the game, it’s mostly been slow… Ignoring server issues since the huge increase of people with the game releasing, as I’ve mentioned before, there’s just not much I can do right now. I did manage to get the level 5 Merry-go-Round completed: And currently have the level 5 Pool being built so I just have the Treehouse and Concert left to level up. I also have crafted everything I currently have unlocked at least once so the only things I have left are from getting villagers to level 15. I still have 21 villagers to go and I keep debating on if I should use my Request tickets to try and rush these or save them to rush being able to host when new villagers get added instead. Marshal is likely coming in the new batch of villagers due to being one of the options in the Fortune Event and it’s possible some of my own favorites could make their way in that batch too which would be nice as currently my only favorite villager in the game is Peanut.

As for the game itself, the trees and grass also changed shortly before the game opened for everyone and it’s quite nice: I’m looking forward to us getting snow. I am surprised we didn’t end up having a Harvest Festival ingame, but maybe they felt it was too soon after opening…

My struggles are still heavily with the resource mechanics though–especially with being sick, it makes it hard to keep my stock up since it’s hard to really play much and when I do have those short bursts where I feel up to more, I once again get hit by that item limit wall. Most of the limits and things, I can understand. The timers, the rotations, the crafting things… But the item limit is just such an issue. Especially because you get SO little from selling items, it doesn’t feel worth the effort to get them just to sell them so when your inventory is full, it’s like “Well, now what do I do?”. Prices are what you’d expect for clothing and furniture and to craft, but the prices for selling things from your inventory is just too small to cover that. 10 Bells for “common” stuff is just so disheartening. And it also gives me less of a reason to play when my requests are done honestly and removes a lot of the relaxing part of AC and playing how you like.

While my inventory management continues to be a nightmare, I’m doing pretty well catalog-wise. I currently have all market furniture available, everything from Labelle, and only need one thing from Kicks. I have about 13 things left from the Able Sisters, including one of the dresses (The Plum Coat) that I actually really want But the RNG with it all makes it… frustrating.

In the meantime, when I’ve needed a bit of a break from Pocket Camp due to just running out of things to do or just not having the energy for it, I’ve been having a lot of fun with Tiny Bird Garden which came out on November 15th. If you enjoy Neko Atsume and/or really like birds, you’ll probably enjoy Tiny Bird Garden. It is of the same nature as Neko Atsume (lay out toys and food for birds to come), but a bit more… immersive in a way with NPCs you can talk to and actually getting to talk to and befriend the birds in a way. You can give them treats and hats and it’s just a… very sweet game?

I mean, seriously, look at some of these birds:

I especially relate to Cherry:

And even the NPCs have sweet things to say:

Even the Credits as well:

I’ve managed to see all the birds at least once and give them all their favorite Treats so I just need to figure out all their favorite toys now. They all seem… a lot less picky than the cats in Neko Atsume though which both makes it a bit easier to see them all but also a bit harder if you’re specifically going for one.

Regardless, if you like cute birds and/or just need some kind of casual pick-me up, I really do recommend it–even if just for some positive reminders that you matter.

Right now, Super Mario Odyssey is a bit on hold which makes me… quite sad to be honest. I really love the game, but at the same time I just feel frustrated with it. I think a lot of the Moons are pretty fun, but at the same time it feels like way too much. It just feels packed just to be packed and I just don’t find that very fun. It makes them feel less special. That said, my least favorite ones have to be the high score ones I don’t mind doing the activities a certain amount of times, but there’s… not much fun in spending hours trying over and over to hit a score in the same monotonous activity. And you have to do this in two different ones.

The time trial ones are also fairly frustrating. I’ve long stopped enjoying the races and really just wish the only one was in the Mushroom Kingdom.

I’m sure we’ll get back to the game eventually and I really do want to hit the 999 Moons + get all the costumes, but right now I just feel discouraged and frustrated.

Finally, what I’ve been doing especially these last few months is getting myself a bit lost in visual novels. I love reading, but unfortunately our… living situation isn’t the best to really be situated *to* read books for long periods of time and still be comfortable. Let alone even… keep track of books 😦

I started playing My Candy Love aka Amour Sucré in March of last year and it’s been a… rollercoaster of feelings. I talk a lot about the game over on a Tumblr I have dedicated to it and other Beemoov games, but I wanted to bring it up here too for once because there’s a lot I really want to say about it.

I’m incredibly picky with Otome games. I don’t usually have the same tastes in guys as most people so it’s hard for me to find one appealing. Plus, when many games have you dating girls instead and you’re not particularly interested in girls, you’re usually playing more for story reasons then (Which is why I won’t play any… mature rated ones).

I think Otome games can be quite interesting though if they have a good focus on story and characters and that’s generally what I look for, though, I can be picky with art style. And while the art style in MCL can vary (especially with some of the older episodes’ illustrations), something about it still drew me in and I’m not entirely sure what. My one regret is mostly finding about it so late–the game started in 2011 and so I’ve… missed a lot Both onsite event-wise and merchandise-wise.

One thing that’s been especially frustrating to me is there was a short episode available for those who got a code from their booth at Japan Expo in 2013 that was only available for France and there is only video of one of the routes and I can’t find any transcripts of the other routes and this haunts me so much and is killing me slowly because of all kinds of problems. It’s rare, but hey, if you had unlocked the Japan Expo 2013 ring and now no longer can replay the episode, please report it so maybe someone can… finally upload the other routes and dialogue ._.

Moving to the game itself and despite some of my issues above and sadness of missing out, I wish I knew what captured me about the game. I found myself interested in all the characters and definitely found a favorite of the cast. The game takes place in a high school, towards the end of the school year (though, don’t actually try and figure out the timeline–it’s a complete and utter mess).

I think in a way, especially since my school life was absolute trash, it almost feels therapeutic for me. Even though the focus is the 5 main guys, you get two best friends and have a handful of other classmates as well. And even if on episode where you get completely screwed over, people are still there for you and sometimes a lot of it is just what I needed to hear and didn’t realize.

The game currently is at 37 episodes (with 38 coming out any day now honestly– a lot o people are expecting the trailer tomorrow) and you don’t even start dating the guy you want to go for until the end of Episode 28/start of Episode 29 so there’s a long build up (though, you may find the first 10 episodes kind of slow). There’s character arcs as well, some stronger than others, but honestly, I just have fun with it even if I genuinely think they could use a better translator, the censoring is awkward, and some lines are… a bit cringe-y, but it’s just… truly fun.

They have a Black Friday sale going on so I’m debating on buying a bunch of AP and $ and maybe doing a huge story replay to fix some decisions and things I’m not super happy with and also take opportunities to explore the school more so I’ll be less likely to miss dialogue and stuff too.

I would likely stream the big replay too so if someone is interested in the game, but doesn’t want to play, well, that could be an option!

I will say the game is a bit hard to get into–besides some of the older art style in illustrations, the game unfortunately uses an Action Point system. Once you’re caught up, you’ll usually manage to earn enough to play the next episode by the time it comes out, but until then, it’s a very slow grind trying to play each day and can be super demotivating honestly

Once thing I do wish Beemoov would do (besides an alternative to the AP system) is just… better jobs with merchandising to their other servers. There’s such a big focus on France as it’s the main server and where the company is located, but it really makes other servers feel left out. The manga, as an example, has only been published in French, Spanish, and German. It’s been years with no update on if we will ever see it outside those languages. The Artbooks have only been in French and English. And most merchandise hasn’t been outside France at all. It’s pretty discouraging (and also makes it all the harder to FIND older merchandise…).

Despite all this, the game’s taking place in France actually helped rejuvenate my love for France’s culture too. France was the first country I ever wanted to go to and the first language I wanted to learn when I was just 2-3 years old. It meant a lot to me and after some issues when I finally got to go to Paris, France, a piece of my heart got… incredibly hurt due to certain things that happened and it’s… really nice to have it mended and just between this and Miraculous Ladybug feel that love for France again (Also my French has gotten a lot better with all the things I’ve been looking up for character reasons so that’s pretty awesome).

Beemoov’s other visual novel is Eldarya which is much more fantasy-styled and more mature in general. It has the same kind of thing with a lot more characters besides just the love interest and the other servers are *nearly* caught up with France’s. It’s fun despite some… problematic decisions in plot, but I’m genuinely really excited to see where the story goes.

While I play MCL more for the characters as the story is mostly just… school with some character arcs, Eldarya’s overall story has me incredibly invested with where it’s going to go.

Of course, I don’t only play Otome game-Visual novels. One of Beemoov’s other visual novels is Henri’s Secret which is just a general romance story–you don’t have a character and you follow Lyla’s PoV for the most part (though, the game takes place mostly from a third person view). Even though the secret was super obvious from the get-go (and you learn it pretty quick in the story too–though Lyla and her friends have yet to…), I find myself still interested in the characters and story and really want to see their reactions when they learn Henri’s secret.

As for a non-Beemoov game, I’m actually super into SakeVisual’s Jisei series. I love mysteries and all the characters are super well-written. The fourth part is currently in production and I genuinely can’t wait. It’s such a good series, the art and voice acting is phenomenal and I haven’t played a game from SakeVisual that I haven’t enjoyed, honestly. I still have to finish Backstage Pass, but… stats and schedule stuff in games is hard for me x__x

But yes, this is what I’ve been up to recently! I’m still doing training in Miitopia, but it’s… very slow so that may be a while. I also do hope to get back to Lady Layton as SOON as I’m feeling better. I miss it, but I’m just… in no condition to do puzzles right now.

A bit of an update on things and games I’m currently playing~ So, if you frequent Twitter and/or Facebook, you'll probably know I've been pretty sick. While I'm about halfway through my medicine (and hopefully feeling 100% once more), my focus is...

[the-rodas-post]

“Sometimes It’s Better Not To Tell The Truth” - Opinionated Response (Writer’s Craft)

Exposing the truth is more then just a set of words and actions. It is more complex then just the 3 words: “I am Sorry”. The truth involves two individuals, who must have the strength to own up to their actions, own up to their consequences, have the trust in each other and the faith that things will eventually get better, in order to progress onwards.

In my opinion, the truth, as honest and hurtful as it may be, is the correct way to approach a situation most of the time. Regardless of the circumstances, I believe exposing the truth helps reconcile what was once broken and build upon a relationship where trust has been misplaced. But telling the truth often is not so easy, and neither is accepting it. In life, we often are so selfish and spoiled with what we have to the point where we begin to be greedy for more. More in power, materialistic things, in image and more in control. This makes us not take into account how others individuals may feel, where it’s all fun and games until some one gets hurt. Regardless of any apology or sympathy we offer, one will never feel the pain and experience the aganoy of something until they personally experience it for themselves. When we do experience that, we will be able to see that pain from a different perspective and begin to be more understanding then we once were before. In order to do so, we must put our pride a side and attempt to view each side and try to simulate the emotion each person was feeling at that certain time, which is no easy task.

In the bible, it states that “The truth shall set you free...”. I find this important because, as human beings, we are all metaphorical prisoners in some type of way. Prisoners to institutions such as school, work and society, but also prisoners to laws, social norms, stereotypes, and image. These are all things that restrict us from defining the ordinary and all things that have guidelines we must follow in order to correctly function. This is a critical point because in these concepts we often lie in order to impress people who we don’t even like or lie in order to avoid relationship congestion and provide a sense of temporary comfort and ease.

With this comes being prisoners to lies. Lies are told every second around the World. In our schools, workplaces and even in our homes. It is human nature to do so, and lying can take place as early as in our adolescence years. Seen as a Sin, it is clear we feel regret and unsteadiness when we create one. So the question arises, Why lie? Why be the negative pushing factor for a persons feelings? Why place the balance of a relationship on a line that has no reassurance that things will turn out the same? I feel as if people lie to avoid disappointment, to avoid vulnerability, and the urge to make the lie their truth. I feel as if in society, we have so many means that we must meet in order to live a healthy and happy life. This list of responsibilities and concepts we must live up to is overwhelming and most human beings cannot live up to them. We are not superhumans, nobody is perfect and nobody ever will be perfect.

However, we have the weight of the World on our shoulders. I feel like by telling a lie temporarily avoids disappointment. The concept of disappointing a loved one or someone we desperately care about is a concept most people want to avoid because it burns. It’s unsettling. But it burns more prolifically when the truth gets out. By lying we provide a temporary band aid to the cuts that will be put into fruition when the truth is told. While telling the truth is often the best route to take when approaching this type of situation, I believe sometimes telling the truth isn’t the best route to take. In my opinion, sometimes we must lie to protect those we care about the most. Yes, lies are painful and can cause a large rift in a relationship but sometimes the truth hurts more.

A real World example could be demonstrated all around us. As young adults, we heavily rely on what other people have to say and their opinion. This is made to the point where we begin to mould ourselves into something we’re not and build ourselves up of lies. Another example can be, if a friend gets a haircut, and you don’t necessarily like their hair, you may lie and say you like it to avoid making the person feel insecure and hurt. This ties into the concept of lying to protecting those we care about the most.

But also, not telling the truth could be troublesome as well. An example of this can be lying to our parents. Lying to parents to temporarily avoid burdens may only cause larger isssues and will have various consequences after.

In conclusion, I believe telling to the truth is absolutely the best way to approach a problem. However, in certain scenarios, we must lie in order to protect those we care about the most, which arises the concept of “The Greater Good” and overall doing what is best over doing what is right. The truth is, lies are all around us, but it is up to us to distinguish what is true and protect who we care about the most.

[rachelkulagodfrey-blog]

Minimizing My Creative Interests: My Greatest [and Worst] Magic Trick Yet

Originally published on March 17, 2019.

I want to start this post off by naming 5 things I know to be certain in this lifetime.

Objectivity is an ugly myth.

We may not deserve Solange, but we need her.

I need to feel emotionally supported during sex to have fun.

I’d be a hideously different bitch if it weren’t for Fueled by Ramen.

I’ll die someday.

2 and 4 were pretty easy to realize. 5 wakes me up in the middle of the night sometimes. 1 and 3 took a lot of hard conversations and arguing with myself at 3 A.M to fully grasp.

Imagining a Fueled by Ramen-less life is kind of terrifying…let’s actually change things up and think of this as a Venn Diagram. Throw 4 in with 5, too.

If you’re reading this, you probably didn’t come here for math and/or logic puzzles. As an ex-middle school mathlete, I can’t help but incorporate it into this new craft. You can take the girl out of the “Want Sum of This?” community, but you can’t take the “I Won’t Learn Healthy Social Skills Until Age 30” out of the girl.

(I looked older at 13 than I do at 22.)

I wanted to start this post off by naming 5 things I know to be certain as a method of grounding myself. I left school for break a few days early after reaching my self-doubting capacity (see the last post for the low-down), and have since kept my interactions limited to my immediate family and friends. I’ve been relaxing, rejuvenating, and manifesting. I’ve been feeling and doing okay. YUH. The extended time away from people and this beautiful platform has granted me the necessary time to flesh out my priorities. Why did I start this blog? Why do I write? To which relationships, projects, and passions am I giving the most time and energy? To which am I not?

I love creating. I love building critical discussion spaces, narrative pieces, poems, self-portraits, stories-through-pictures, soundscapes, mind-numbing blowjob experiences. I love it all. Every time I’m doing creative work along these lines, I know that I’m putting my heart into something that can genuinely benefit me and the people who may see/feel it. Spiritually, creatively, sexually, and otherwise. Knowing all of this helps me foresee a future in which I flex my creativity for a living. But every single time I get ready to take tangible, intentional steps in this direction, I stumble over my own lack of conviction. I’m scared of exploring all of my passions in-depth, and it’s killing my storytelling ability slowly.

As someone who wants to create for her people, I have to really think about what I’m saying when I say, “I don’t care what people think about me.” When people act up and project their insecurities onto me, I have to think it through for a minute. Normally, I decide it’s not worth me spending extra time on. It still informs how I move. When people send out kind messages about the work I’m doing and trying to do, it encourages me to keep going. It informs how I move. When I say, “I don’t care what people think about me,” I’m trying to remind myself and others that it’s natural – inevitable, really – to converse with the energy people send your way, but what you can’t let it do is consume you. I can’t let thoughts of people’s feedback, no matter where it falls on a spectrum of “constructive”, put me in a position where I am only thinking about what they may want, instead of a combination of what we all may want and need.

I’m full of dick-sucking anecdotes and tongue-in-cheek pop culture reads. But this platform and this work excite the hell out of me because I can explore these storytelling routes among a shit ton of others. I just need to give myself the full permission to actually do so.

Consider this post to be me doing exactly that. It’s also me begging you to allow yourself to do the same. And if you don’t give a fuck about what I think, take the advice from Solange: she recently talked about how difficult it was to expand on her production, filmmaking, and visual artistry as a whole when people have boxed her in as “just a musician.” She notes how there are things that she knows that she can’t do, but others that she loves doing and wants to grow in, like producing. This, in turn, created room for her spectacular curatorial abilities. WHICH WE CAN SEE SHINE ALL THE WAY THE FUCK THROUGH ON THE NEW ALBUM. YES! WE! CAN! BIH! A multifaceted H-Town baddie. She cannot be stopped.

Where were we? Ah. Yes.

Stay-in-your-lane creative culture can make you feel like you have to stick to one medium, to one rigid path. It makes you feel like you have to be absolutely perfect at whatever you’re doing, no matter what your interest level may be. I love blogging as much as I love writing and sharing poetry. I’ve been neglecting my creative writing out of a fear of judgment. I’ve put a halt on curating because of my fear of another low turnout to an amazing show. But I know all of these crafts teach me so much about my identity as an artist, from different – but not mutually exclusive – angles. I know it’s a matter of becoming more conscious of my audiences, and about putting more into what I’m doing without shaming myself the entire time. I wouldn’t even be fucking “creating” had it not been for my poetic origins.

“Poetic origins” makes me sound like an asshole. But in a few years time, I’ll probably be someone who eats ass and enjoys it. I’m just setting myself up for a cheeky future. Ha. Ha. Ha.

I’ve made a private list of creative promises to myself. These are moves that I don’t want to be rushed. If there’s anything we can take away from Huncho Jack, Jack Huncho, it’s that “quantity>quality” makes for awkward mediocrity. Oop. I don’t want to rush the process, but I want to push myself. I want to let myself know that I can create whatever the fuck I want to create whenever it feels right and that no one can tell me anything that will halt me in my tracks. I’ve even been downplaying how much I love writing these blog posts and doing interviews for The Bay Leaf Archive. One thing I will share, though, is that I want to be more consistent and post more frequently on C&S. I’ve got a lot of fun ideas that I want to see come to fruition. I’m ready to make them happen. 

If I decide one day that I want to go and make some studio recordings to accompany my poems because it feels right and necessary to do so, I’ll fucking do it. If I want to pick up a camera and start learning more about photography and portraiture, I absolutely will. I don’t really have money like that so the camera would be probably be borrowed… but… iPhone 6s camera is alright… I mean…you get what I mean… ANYWAY. 

...I’ll probably pass up on drawing. 

At the risk of sounding like a white parent who used to “do pot”, I’m ready to let my passions and interests guide the fuck out of me. I owe it to myself. No more “lmao”s to downplay how I actually feel. I can’t scream Megan Thee Stallion lyrics morning, noon, and night and not own up to what’s coming out of my mouth.

Clink clink, friends. It’s time to explore.