#it's honestly only like 2 songs. maybe three. BUT ITS INTERESTING THAT IT'S MORE THAN ONE RIGHT

[lala-blahblah]

i like being into things nobody else is that into so that i get to be right about it. On that note, let's talk about the gay subtext in all the songs by the long winters

[peacockrulz]

youre so right about narration!! i could go on all day really, its the biggest thing for me that takes a fic from good to great, especially with characters like j- characters with a persona of sorts, characters that lie to themselves or are in denial, or characters with a lot they need to sort through, and j is sort of all three in some capacity. i cannot wait for hostile takeover to update! if you ever decide to try writing a fic id love to give it a read! ive noticed you have a lot of interesting ideas about characters and their dynamics through your fanart, something i think could translate to writing well. you also clearly have an understanding of what makes a fic good- though i know from experience its often easier said than done. still, id love to see you try! this is actually my first time rp-ing canon characters, ever. right now im playing j (thanks hostile takeover) in a discord server, though i might try n soon because i reaaallly struggle with characterizing him. ive been roleplaying my whole life really! i started with roblox warrior cats though... im shuddering with you id kill for more dollxn art from you though. no pressure but you get them it seems. its been a while since i listened to final girl but its definitely their song suggestive lyrics or not i hope they die and go to robo-hell together <3 - juzi anon

*sigh* putting this under a readmore because HOO BOY did I maybe went full analyzer on this one. thanks for your time Juzi Anon <3

I've read alotta fics in my time on the internet and honestly? I don't think I've ever read a fic that hooked me on a character narration quite like Hostile Takeover's J. J's awareness of every part of what shes doing and how shes doing it makes it even more subtle when you realize that despite all of that, she has so little awareness over what she thinks. Like she doesn't question it. Uzi's narration makes a point to show how she censors her own thoughts, she doesn't allow her mind to wander to certain parts of the past, shes completely aware of how some thoughts sound and decides against saying it all together. Meanwhile, J will go on and on about how much better the job would be without V's constant talking back and N's inability to do anything right, and in the same paragraph be constantly thinking about the argument with V, and what got V so messed up to begin with. J is like a rock, a precipice of confidence. But the moments where she doesn't know what to do, (like when she thought she was going to die in that church tower from the rising sun) its almost like she has to put on appearances even in a moment where shes completely panic-ed, that she still somehow has to pretend she knows what shes doing, even with no one around. Its why the fic made me rethink J in general, I've loved J for while but Hostile Takeover was the first time I actually was able to SEE what J could be as a character story. It really puts into perspective how important narration can be in telling a damn good story. (Sorry this became a J paragraph. I could analyze fics for the rest of my life and be happy lol)

Haha maybe one day I'll finally sit down and write. I'm not really the greatest at translating my thoughts to text, for some reason its easier for me to illustrate my feelings about a character then to write it out. The only reason I can draw fanart like that is because I analyze these characters to death lol. Looking at all the angles of two characters and then asking the question of 'what would it take for them to be on friendly terms' is a pass time I indulge it frequently!!!! Thats why I like rarepairs, sometimes they're dynamics are alot more unique than most, even if they're 2 characters that have never once canonically interacted (which is my favorite. Alot more creative thinking with that one yknow?) Still, maybe I'll get to it :O (prolly would practice writing analysis post first. because I always have to stop myself from doing it on other posts XP)

I've also grew up on roleplaying (my brother is into roleplaying and that got me started on it lol) used to roleplay on roblox even before I could read (which. isn't a joke actually. who gives a 5 year old unrestricted internet access???) funnily enough I can't even say I ever completely grew out of it, I still visit alot of roleplay maps on roblox (including WCUE!! never actually roleplayed there but I think its fun to spec) but mainly I used to roleplay on animal-based mmos like FeralHeart in my younger days.

Iffff,,, I could say anything about N's character,,, to hopefully help inspire some ability to write him (and sorry this gets its own paragraph) I would probably say that he is a very self-destructively selfless person, whos never gotten over anything or anyone in his life (I.e when V was in stasis during their time in the manor, N constantly visited her and would draw pictures of the two of them together ((as lizards)) and is kinda implied to have been reading books to her during this time. Even after getting 'digitally lobotomized', while N couldn't exactly remember V as he knew her back then, he still carried that affection he had for her all that time ago. He never stopped caring about V, even when he forgot) while I wouldn't describe N as in anyway 'innocent' or 'naive', N still has a habit of unconditionally caring about pretty much anybody lol. He had like, what, a 27 minute conversation with Uzi? And while it wasn't enough to completely convince him, it still was something that made him hesitate ("I really enjoyed our time together,"). And while I'm here (having mentioned Uzi) I would also say N is a very lonely character, seeing as he was often belittled by his peers (J) or in some cases completely ignored (V, but she had her reasons and thats a different discussion) a funny part of N's character is just how much he IS like Uzi. A person completely isolated by his kind because of how he is, who was never given an explanation as to why, why everyone is so oddly cruel to him. The biggest difference though being that N never fought it, he completely accepted getting knocked around if it meant he could stick around. It took someone else to point out how fucked his situation was to make him think twice about it. Uzi is the type of character to go down kicking screaming and punching(asterisk but thats also a different discussion), and N, despite being in such a similar place to her, isn't that kind of guy. While I wouldn't say N is the type to take everything lying down, there is something to say about just how much he is willing to take before getting angry, yknow? Overall, I think N is a very loving, loyal-to-a-fault, kinda guy, but his compassion for those around him is often times the reason he gets so tunnel-visioned in the first place (i.e causing explosions and throwing rocks and debris everywhere in a mass, angry panic, trying to go save V.) and its why he is so willing to get himself hurt in the first place. ("I really enjoyed our time together, but I can't have you shooting V with that thing.") (Or yknow, cutting his arm off, but thats alot less selfless-ness and alot more self destruction) His patience and understanding is one of his biggest strengths and somehow always the reason he gets hurt. Basically I think he need to go a lil insane as a treat.

((Oh its also good to note that his unconditional love for everyone around him is also the only reason why he has lived this far to begin with (the characters this includes: V, Uzi, AND Cyn.)))

I also think the above, is the reason why I enjoy NxDoll so much. it takes SO MUCH for him to hate someone and yet Doll did the one thing that would make him do it (hurting someone he cares about the most). I just knoooowwww if they saw eachother in that church it would've been ON. That fight would've taken out the whole god damn BUILDING. it would be two people fighting for the exact same fkcing reason!!! REVENGE!!! the horrible chain of trauma contuines with them!!! killing one will only leave the other with what remains!!!! And yet I also see them as two people who would really benefit from being on friendlier terms. Both becasue N's softness is just not something we ever see Doll treated with, and because Doll's avocation for justice might just be the thing N needs to get a god damn backbone for once and earn himself some self-appreciation.

But I also think its more fun when its enemies AND lovers.

They should make eachother worse <3

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 13/04/2024 (J. Cole's Might Delete Later, David Guetta/OneRepublic)

Hozier’s “Take Me to Church” peaked at #2 for four weeks. The first week, “Uptown Funk!” blocked it, but for the most part, it was halted by Ellie Goulding’s “Love Me Like You Do”. This week, just under a decade later, Hozier can finally claim his UK #1 as “Too Sweet” lands its first week at the top, skipping straight up from #4 last week. I’m personally not complaining as it’s a great song, but I will be complaining because under it, we have J. Cole. Welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

Rundown

As always, we start with our notable dropouts, those being songs exiting the UK Top 75 (which is what I cover!) after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40. This week, we bid farewell to: “exes” by Tate McRae, “I Remember Everything” by Zach Bryan featuring Kacey Musgraves, “vampire” by Olivia Rodrigo, “Flowers” by Miley Cyrus and some long-term bottom-feeders like “Someone You Loved” and “Everywhere” by Fleetwood Mac. Like much of everything else this week, it’s a bit of a mixed bag.

We only have one returning entry, but it’s pretty interesting and surprisingly high: Thanks to the specific surge of TikTok traction to a Summer Walker remix, “Hell n Back” by Bakar, which peaked at #20 just last year, is back for another run at #26, already nearing its peak position that I honestly expect it to surpass soon enough. As for the gains, we see healthy boosts for “We Ain’t Here for Long” by Nathan Dawe at #49, “Worth It.” by RAYE at #46, “Jump” by Tyla, Gunna and Skillibeng at #43, “if u think i’m pretty” by Artemas at #39, “Saturn” by SZA at #30, “Happier” by The Blessed Madonna and Clementine Douglas at #21, “Back on 74” by Jungle at #19 - really glad this is still at it - “Belong Together” by Mark Ambor at #14 and finally, of all hits, “Austin” by Dasha finds its place in the top 10 at #8. Maybe this is a fluke, or maybe Dasha is a pop star in the making. I guess time will tell.

As for our top five, we start with… Artemas, joy, and “i like the way you kiss me” at #5, then the usual suspects: “Lose Control” by Teddy Swims at #4, “TEXAS HOLD ‘EM” by Beyoncé back to down to #3, Bentley Boonemobile with “Beautiful Things” at #2 and of course, Hozier at the very top. Now for whatever debuted on the rest of this chart this week… trust me, it’s mostly not very good.

New Entries

#67 - “Cry” - Benson Boone

Produced by Malay

Bento Box’s debut album with a name stupider than the nicknames I give him on this show debuted surprisingly low at #16 - that’s lower than Feeder, man. And I like Feeder. Regardless, I did like those two singles, I have yet to hear the record, but I’m sure there’s some good on it, and I’m happy to say that this would be included in that. Now why is pretty simple, it starts with a melancholy ballad produced by Frank Ocean’s go-to, Malay, but that doesn’t last long as it’s scrapped for a more propelling pop rock chug. The lyrics go from woe-is-me to bitter and toxic bitching about his ex, in icky falsetto deliveries only accentuated by an ugly, distorted vocal chop that does not fit at all. There’s an obvious vocal glitch that was kept in and doesn’t sound intentional in the first verse, but it adds to the genuinely infuriating song full of straining and one-note riffing, as well as a second fake-out with him briefly trying to see her perspective. The song’s ugly, it doesn’t flow and it makes me hate the guy singing it, but that seems to be the intention, with which it completely succeeds. Three-for-three, Ben 10, keep it up. I wish you were comfortable with swearing though, it would hit a little better… I know, that’s rich coming from me.

#64 - “Good Luck, Babe!” - Chappell Roan

Produced by Dan Nigro

With Olivia Rodrigo’s producer and some sleeper traction for her debut album from last year, Missouri singer Chappell Roan seems primed for a big 2024 breakout, especially since she’s on tour with O-Rod. Her last album was a bit of a queer concept record and this seems to be following in similar footsteps, being about compulsory heterosexuality, feeling like you are conformed into heteronormative behaviours despite being queer. It details a secret relationship wherein love cannot be fully reciprocated due to that circumstance, and it’s treated tastefully with enough drama for most of the song for it to feel both worthwhile and not mundane, as well as not making some grander statement. The bridge irks me a tad, not allowing for the nuance of gay women marrying men and framing it in a way that seems more bitter and honestly self-serving to her narrative. Even if it’s from a different perspective, it seems a bit tasteless and awkward tonally with the rest of the song, especially given this is a classic synthpop track in the vein not of the retro pastiche or indie revival but standing damn near to Wham!’s “Last Christmas” and struggling to tell the difference kind of synthpop. That makes it slightly unique but in terms of the vocal melodies Ms. Roan lays on top of that sound, it fails to capture me all too much, and I’m also really struggling not to hear a mashup on the verses with “I Just Called to Say I Love You” by Stevie Wonder. The lyrics sharing soime similarities aren’t helping either. This is far from bad but both sonically and lyrically, it trips over, in a way that seems like it might be on purpose, and I do want to give this song credit for tackling an interesting, niche topic and having a morally grey depiction of it. That’s impressive for the pop charts, I just don’t really enjoy the final product. Sorry.

#59 - “Feel It” (From the Original Series Invincible) - d4vd

Produced by Gray Toomey, Noah Ehler and Sam Homaee

For some brief background, Invincible is an Amazon animated series based on the comic books starring Omni-Man, and the second part of its second season has just concluded, with the crew recruiting d4vd of… “Romantic Homicide” fame, because, of course, for a soundtrack single. Now for the song and okay, this is quite similar to the Benson Boone song from before. Firstly, it vaguely aligns itself with alternative R&B and indie pop in its groove, guitar tones and delivery and secondly, on a lyrical and vocal level, I’m pretty sure I’m also supposed to find d4vd a bit overwhelming and annoying, given how this girl thinks he’s crazy and he’s being inescapable to her. There are a key differences: A) this is not a rock song, it’s a synthpop haze with too much reverb, echo and overdubs - probably enough studio manufacturing to kill a small elephant. B) d4vd is neither funny nor really aggressive, he is simply being a nuisance towards the woman in the name of love, and has some creepy undertones regarding how she treats the woman in this story being uncomfortable with his advances, even if this relating to a fictional character in the series, it fails to translate beyond that. C) there is not much space left in this mix for any real emotional resonance, because he’s half-rapping and the song is filled to the brim with effects. It’s difficult to even focus on the narrative given the sheer amount of layers. Finally, D) this is a pick-up, not a rejection, so the annoyance feels like encroaching on territory rather than having any solid catharsis. All this is to say that the song just fails on all of its levels, but fails honestly. I can absolutely see someone liking this even having over-analysed it like I have, and its crime is not translating well to an audience it didn’t really intend to have, considering I’m not a d4vd fan and I’ve never seen this show. I can envision this getting pretty big and whilst I do not like the song one bit, it’s hard to complain about, really. It’s just refreshing, especially in a J. Cole week, to have a song that I don’t like for storied but largely impersonal and constructive reasons. To put it simply, I just don’t feel it.

#53 - “Crocodile Tearz” - J. Cole

Produced by T-Minus

I wrote a pretty extensive and scathing review of J. Cole’s latest mixtape, Might Delete Later. It’s #7 on the albums chart this week, and debuted three songs here this week. I am going to keep these entries brief as can be, because that review is there for you to read on my RateYourMusic 2024 listening log, the account’s exclusivelytopostown. Most of that log is in a scattered first-impressions style but that review is very thought-out, reflective and in-depth, so I’m quite proud of it. I’m tempted to format it and upload it separately as a review to this blog, though I don’t want to flood my page with such negativity. To cut it short, I think this mixtape is frankly embarrassing, as even moving away from stagnant and dire trap-adjacent production mostly headed by a clearly tired T-Minus, Cole is so unconvincing and insecure in his flexing that it becomes difficult to listen to, especially when he has all the technical lyrical skill and little personality to back up those flows, so they end up soggy and awkward. When he in any way attempts to be conscious, introspective or even commenting on his “place in the rap game”, he becomes downright insufferable and really just shows his ass rather than his pen. This song in particular has some of the dullest production Cole has ever rapped over though there are not many particularly corny lines here, other than how his dogs only shed tears in emojis and how he’s so much better than those girls on Instagram, right? Cole’s insistence on claiming himself superior to entire groups of people based on an intellect or higher spirituality he shows no proof of existing never gets old.

#38 - “7 Minute Drill” - J. Cole

Produced by T-Minus, Conductor Williams, Al Hug and Elyas

Okay, genuine question: how do I ethically tackle a song that has been rescinded by its artist, that days after release, has been disowned by the person who wrote and performed it, expressing live on stage that he regrets it and wishes it to be removed? Surely giving harsh criticism to a song that already makes him feel bad is just kicking a man when he’s down. Firstly, if you consider Cole’s position to be “down”, then you and me both are in the trenches and secondly, whilst I understand that the industry demands quick responses and can make the bureaucracy of releasing a track based on heated emotions quite frustrating, there is the option of just leaving it alone and not releasing anything, especially because “7 Minute Drill”, referring to the song process used to make it, not its runtime or genre, is framed more as a warning shot than a full-on diss. He didn’t even send the angry message before deleting it and walking it back with apologies. If anything, this song, like really the whole album, proves Cole’s insecurities about his self-instated “middleman” promo package and media representation. Cole just doesn’t have either the heart, or lack thereof, to make an actual diss track and also has nothing but good things to say about Kendrick - even in this diss track, he praises his musical output and fabricates outright lies about the albums’ reception to make it appear disrespectful. If you want any sonic criticism, the T-Minus beat is a practically unlistenable parody of “Like That” but Conductor Williams, as he always does, pulls a smooth piano jam in the back half that sadly cannot save the pathetic bars placed upon it. Next.

#37 - “I Don’t Wanna Wait” - David Guetta and OneRepublic

Produced by David Guetta, Brent Kutzle, T.I Jakke, Tyler Spry and Timofey Reznikov

Sigh… I quietly predicted this to myself. Once I’d seen EDM do-overs of “Gangsta’s Paradise”, “Better Off Alone” and “I’m Blue” hit the charts, a sinking feeling inside of me knew that O-Zone were not safe, and by God’s, Guetta has gone and done it. And he bought the hacks at OneRepublic with them, so no, let’s talk about that original song, because I think it’s genuinely great. Those synths glitch and buzz out more than you remember, having some pretty cool interplay with the deeper-voiced verses, and whilst yes, there is a nonsense hook, and the rest is in the band’s native Moldovan dialect of Romanian, you don’t need to know the language to find yourself humming the refrains in your head. The flip-phone beep after he says “beep”, the call-and-response “Alo! Salut!” and obviously both the “maiya-hee, maiya-hoo, maiya-ha” and “numa-numa-ey” choruses, they are so embedded into my brain, and that can’t just be by memetic coincidence, it’s a brilliantly written song and well executed. And obviously it was a hit - in the UK, their only hit, peaking at #3 in 2004 whilst Mario Winans’ “I Don’t Wanna Know”, also a classic, was #1. What’s most frustrating about this Guetta rendition is that “Dragostea din tei” was already milked dry for sampling, long before his 20-year anniversary last year. Most famously, it was sampled in a Newgrounds meme, but other than that, T.I. took it to #1 in the US with Rihanna on 2008’s “Live Your Life”, which was already a comical attempt at making it serious (consider it starting with T.I. shouting out the troops in Iraq), but you know what Tip and Rihanna DIDN’T do? Remove the nonsense lyrics - Rihanna does re-sing real lyrics in the nonsense melody, but they start and end the song with the original sample, there’s no hiding where it came from. They work because they’re nonsense, we do NOT need a Ryan Tedder rewrite! “Live Your Life” peaked at #2 here, but it was blocked by a single from The X Factor so it’s basically an honourable #1, I don’t like it much but it has a heart and charm that Guetta and Tedder could not successfully pull off even in their “prime”… which coincides pretty comfortably with when T.I. released that song. Have fun chasing the past, boys, maybe you’ll find your talent and creativity hidden back there.

#29 - “H.Y.B.” - J. Cole and Bas featuring Central Cee

Produced by DZL, T-Minus, Cedric Brown, AzizTheShake and FNZ

I quite like Bas. He doesn’t exactly a consistent brand of sound, instead shifting through a pretty eclectic array of pop-rap styles, though often maintaining both trap and Afrobeats influences, and therefore, his work tends to be a bit hit-or-miss when you consider the full-length projects. Regardless, he has genuine pop perfection on those albums - what ties his albums together is Bas, a lighthearted but experienced presence who is full of hooks and catchy flows, as well as often genuine heart that makes the variety of styles feel connected via that vocal throughline. This is his first top 40 hit in the UK, and it really bothers me that Cole do not push Bas further, as this could have easily been at least his second given he released a Jersey club-inspired single with AJ Tracey last year that could have absolutely smashed over here. It was one of my favourite songs of 2023, and still gets me really excited - if there’s anything Bas is great at, it’s just letting you loose and allowing for a dropping of the same pretence that has defined J. Cole’s every move. Cole puts Bas on his albums as a gesture but is seemingly unwilling to promote the man’s solo music. This may be because of how obvious it is that Bas, whilst maybe not as technically lyrical, has the pop edge over Cole, and could honestly be way bigger if given a chance to a mass audience or even bigger features like Cench over here, who is completely fine in his verse. This is just a sample-drill track wherein Cench does fine, Bas is cool but is only granted the hook - telling - and Cole embarrasses himself by reciting the alphabet without the letter L because he doesn’t take those. You got outcharted this week by two Benson Boone songs, Teddy Goddamn Swims and the song that dissed you in the first place still at #11. Please, stop lying to yourself, it’s not healthy.

Conclusion

Guess Best of the Week Boone strikes again with “Cry”. Jesus, I thought I was better than that. It’s even the only song I actually like out of our debuts, which is fantastic, so there won’t be an Honourable Mention. Instead, we can throw out a Dishonourable Mention for J. Cole’s “Crocodile Tearz”, whilst he ties for the worst. Both “7 Minute Drill” and David Guetta’s “I Don’t Wanna Wait” with OneRepublic feel like very cynical and regretful songs, made not for response but reaction and no, in art, those aren’t necessarily the same thing. Hopefully, we’ll have a more pleasant week on the horizon, there are pop girls by the dozen with Dua Lipa, Perrie of Little Mix, Sabrina Carpenter, Mimi Webb and perhaps most importantly, Future and Metro dropped the sequel. For now, thank you for reading, long live Cola Boyy, and I’ll see you next week!

[motherfuckermorgan]

fire emblem warriors thoughts

this game is... so bizarre. with over 6 years of hindsight and several fire emblem releases since then, fire emblem warriors might be the single strangest release in the entire series. i got a lot of words to say about this one, maybe even too much LOL. keep in mind that this post will mostly focus on the main campaign, i do realize that you don't really play warriors games for the main campaign but the grindy ass extra modes you unlock. and from that perspective this game is decently solid, but not as interesting to talk about for me personally

so like, as a "Celebration" of the entire series, this game falls so flat on its face it's honestly kind of hilarious. obviously this game does NOT encompass the entire fire emblem series. it doesn't even really come close. in the main campaign, you get three games represented. awakening, fates, and shadow dragon. you could technically make the argument that this also represents mystery of the emblem since that's just a shadow dragon sequel but that feels like we're trying to grab at anything to make this feel like this game represents more than 20% of the entire franchise. the characters are explicitly from shadow dragon.

in post-game you DO unlock celica from gaiden and lyn from 7 but those are quite literally the only characters from those games. lyn likely got in due to popularity and celica is there because fire emblem echoes released a few months before this. this is the best selling game that celica is in and she's not even in the main game

of course, you can argue this game isn't really trying to celebrate fire emblem as a whole. i mean, it's a fuckin' dynasty warriors crossover so it's not like it HAS to be all encompassing. but we live in a post-three houses and engage world. three houses is still the main fascination of the fandom now, so making a game with a STRONG awakening/fates focus sure makes this game feel dated. it is so, so of a specific era for this series. i think also it's easier for this game to feel lame when heroes exists. i'm not gonna go to bat for the fuckin' gacha but man even if there's still an awakening/fates focus in a lot of the alts, at least you get characters from other games in the series!

and like, alright, the shadow dragon characters are there but they're quite frankly so insignificant that it almost feels odd for me to even pretend like any reasonable person would wait until 66% through the game to finally add marth to their roster of units in play. the main campaign continues to be so awakening/fates focused that the characters from shadow dragon basically just save your ass once and then remove themselves from the plot except for marth saying something motivational every now and then.

the story is not something to play this game for at all LOL. it's not outright awful in the way that fates is but it's very disjointed and overall just not interesting. lianna and rowan are such nothing characters i can see why they haven't been referenced outside of this game thus far. darios is such a nothing villain too, like ohhhhh he's the childhood friend! just kidding! he's possessed by dragon. we've done this song and dance which i suppose is part of the point but it doesn't really help the game set itself apart.

it's a story that's meant to get all these characters together but as mentioned earlier even that part is dubious. early on you get your awakening units and then you get a super long stretch of the game that is focused ENTIRELY on fates. before you get like 2 shadow dragon chapters before endgame. it is near impossible to play this game and use any of the shadow dragon characters from endgame. marth is a tough sell in a game with so many sword users including your protags, you get cordelia before caeda and both pegasus knights are only really worth adding if you don't own the dlc, and tiki is maybe the only one that MIGHT be worth adding to your team.

i also played this game on hard mode which was a fun challenge but actually just serves to make the shadow dragon characters even more irrelevant because of how much higher leveled my units were by the time i made it there. i cannot emphasize enough just how fucking meaningless even adding in the shadow dragon guys is. they barely have any relevance to the flimsy story, and from a gameplay perspective you're basically NEVER gonna use them in the main campaign. you'll have way out leveled them by the time you unlock them. this really is just the awakening/fates show all the way through

if you love awakening and fates i suppose this could be awesome. i do love awakening, but god, i fucking hate fates. i've made this fact about myself known over the years. i could write a much much longer rant about that game specifically but after streaming that game over a week for 42 hours i fear that if i said anything else about them i'd self destruct. i do think that the fates games are Less bad in this game, but only marginally so. takumi and oboro are characters that i do genuinely enjoy from that game, but pretty much no one else is a winner. it's pretty easy to avoid using a lot of them at least, since a bunch of them are sword users or other such weapon classes you get from the awakening pool or are just classes you do NOT want to use.

alright, so i've talked a lot about how this game feels disjointed in terms of how it represents the series, but that isn't even really where it ends in terms of being fucking weird in this aspect. this game retains the weapons triangle from the main games, and every character can equip any weapon from their class. so all sword users can use any non-exclusive swords, lance users can do the same, etc etc. however, with the character choices they made, as a result they kind of all serve the same function? you're only gonna want one sword user to primarily deal with axe users, but your main protagionist is a sword user. you're never gonna reasonably use chrom or corrin or xander or marth or whoever else in this game just happens to use a sword. there are so many of them. many of them are paid dlc! sure, you will end up using one for support on the later maps, so i guess just choose your favorite child to sit on the sidelines.

meanwhile, there are so, so few lance users it's kind of insane. if you don't own the dlc your only real options are all pegasus knights and in a game where archers are very, very mobile they aren't exactly enticing to use. i do own the dlc, so i have access to oboro and azura but if you're rocking the basegame characters you're pretty much fucked in this aspect.

axe users are also fairly underrepresented. at least you get lissa and frederick early, but shit, other than them? hope you like camilla. i don't. she's also a flyer. so she sucks as a character and as a unit.

there's also archers and magic users you can unlock, but honestly, archers are far, far better than the magic users. sure, they don't hit as hard, EXCEPT if there are flyers on the map, then holy shit dude, they delete those fuckers from the video game. it's actually crazy how fast they fall given everything in this game is a damage sponge. archers also tend to be sturdier, so you don't really gotta pay as much attention to them. not as much having to watch over them to make sure they don't get themselves killed on the opposite end of the map. you also unlock tiki as a manakete and same principle applies, you'd rather just have an archer. your options are really just takumi sakura and niles, but hey, just like in fates, takumi is fucking stupid strong and can kill most things with little issue.

i can't pretend like this game isn't fun despite this discrepancy. it is a joy to mow down enemies, and i did feel a little bit of that tactical itch scratched by commanding my units on the harder difficulty. but it does harm this game's replayability a lot. the fun of replaying a fire emblem is getting use out of units that you struggled to find a role for in other playthroughs. this just doesn't happen in this game. with all the dlc, i pretty much will always just use lianna/oboro/lissa/takumi as my main units. there isn't much need to experiment. why try the other characters and other combinations when they will be fundamentally worse?

one last problem is just that the game runs like shit. but that's also kind of like yeah no shit it's a dynasty warriors game on the nintendo switch. it's like asking your old dog to pick up a stick that you threw really far away. he'll get to it eventually, but don't expect peak performance. docked mode is better than handheld, but don't expect this game to ever reach 60 consistently

it is funny playing a game that is so much of this era. three houses came out 2 years later and became THE fire emblem. and we've also got engage now, which at least attempts to represent the full series in a way that warriors fails to achieve. we've even gotten a followup to this game with three hopes! a game that i actually enjoy less. in the same exact console cycle as all these other games, this game feels incredibly dated. truly there is nothing else like it. if you're looking for warriors games on the switch, you've got better options. but i can't pretend like it wasn't fascinating to revisit this game, especially when i had spent so much time on it during the switch's first year. if you're a REALLY curious fan, and awakening/fates is like the peak of the series to you, it might be worth a play if you're into a button mashing action game. lots of things that you're gonna have to ask yourself if they truly apply to you. truly a game of all time

[tiredelirium]

D.12

There are a handful of games I’ve played throughout my life that I could, hand on heart, say I loved - regardless of any flaws they had or maybe in spite of. The first of the three that immediately come to mind are one of the OG Pokemon, Pokemon Crystal. Not the first one I played of the series, but it was the one that stuck with me the most. In part this was because my version of Crystal was one my dad had gotten for me. The son of a colleague he worked with had beaten the game and didn’t want it anymore apparently. My dad, knowing I already liked Pokemon from the original Blue copy I had, and also knowing they never got me Gold or Silver, took it off his hands.

It wasn’t a birthday gift or a special occasion, he just gave it to me one day and said to enjoy it. The first thing I did was boot up the game, seeing that someone else had already played it. I looked through their Pokedex and Pokemon and saw that, even though they’d beat the game..they’d done it with just their starter pokemon and a pokemon with only HM moves. Crazy to 7 year old me.

I wiped the file so I could start one of my own, but the question of whether the previous owner had wanted to challenge themselves or if they just *hadn’t realised* that they could catch other Pokemon was always on my mind. Later on I’d learn about Nuzlockes and I’d do a few challenge runs myself. I don’t think that kid ever did that on purpose though, it feels unrealistic, but then everyone’s approaches to games are different right?

The second is Ratchet and Clank. I played the original game over and over and over again so many times. It was a great platformer, shooter and had a fun sci-fi story to boot. When it was difficult I stood up, physically, in the room to psyche myself into getting better until I beat it. Every run after was a different challenge and because it was the first game I’d ever played with a new game system (I think maybe one of the first of them overall) I got so much enjoyment out of 100%ing the game, collecting all the Gold Bolts and upgrading all the weapons.

I got truly attached to the characters, and hated the villains, it was a great game all round and studios honestly don’t make a lot of games like it anymore. They do exist, but a lot of them pale in comparison to games like that. And I promise thats not just nostalgia talking.

Those games had their sequels and I enjoyed them all, though some were tougher to love than others (looking at you Ratchet: Gladiator!) Just a few years back I got to play their latest release and it had everything the old games had. The fun, the jokes, the heart, the mayhem, and I was so happy I could enjoy something like that again.

The last of the three I’ll mention is a game series that is simultaneously close to my heart while also easy to recognise as deeply flawed. Drakengard.

Fun fact, the first game in the series I played was Drakengard 2. I’d picked it up because the cover art was pretty, and it was produced by square enix, whose final fantasy games I’d played in the past. The game was a Japanese rpg with action gameplay. It had button mashing attacks, juggle combos, timed combos, magic, fantasy and other elements that made me enjoy it, though it was mechanically simple.

The second game had a handful of dark storylines built from the original game, but I enjoyed the story and the world it had going for it. The bosses were fun and interesting designs, and the main party were all fun to learn and play as.

But the thing that caught me most in that game was a single song. It’s used in the trailer, but in the actual game it only plays one time, during the credits. That song made me fall in love with video game music more than any other, and it’s still on my playlists to this day. It’s titled Growing Wings, and if you can do one thing I’d say listen to that.

I eventually got round to playing the first game and all its spin-offs down the line, and enjoyed them immensely, though every game has its own darkness. Some from analysis of cultural viewpoints, some from missing those views entirely. Ultimately that series ended up with Nier:Automata as its legacy, and that game, both music, gameplay and story, more than lives up to my original love of Drakengard 2.

Games, the stories they tell, and the experiences we have going through them, are something vital I think. Human life is nothing but a story being constantly written by us. Despite the tragedy, the pain, we go through, you have to live for those moments of joy too.

Or else what is there to enjoy?

[alquido]

long-ass king crimson post by person who knows nothing about music

recently started listening to king crimson's discography and i will use this blog to dump my thoughts about it

[i am by no means a music expert or even enthusiast. i just ended up enjoying my experience and typed this up without much organized thought. so, please excuse (or better yet, correct) me if i say anything potentially sacrilegious]

started at the 80s era first, since i a) loved matte kudasai and b) was admittedly intimidated by the 10+ minute songs in the earlier eras

discipline is probably my favorite overall kc album (for now). it has some of the weirdest songs i've ever listened to, and that creativity was its biggest appeal to me.

when i listened to matte kudasai a few months back, i was surprised by how laid back and slow it was, since i only knew kc from a few court tracks. i ended up loving it though; something about belew's voice, the lyrics, and the atmosphere really drew me in.

the way elephant talk is sung and its humorous tone is not something i expected from kc, but it's still an absolute bop. frame by frame was a pleasant listen, but the genius (of the desyncing riffs) only clicked in my head with a relisten (thanks yt comments section!).

i love indiscipline and thela hun ginjeet for how the lyrics are more narrated than sung, somehow it makes them hit harder for me. for thela hun ginjeet, all the instrumentation is just super frantic, i love that most of the lyrics is just a candid recording, it really does emit the vibes of an insane urban jungle.

sheltering sky is chill, ambient stuff isn't really my cup of tea but this one really highlights the drums used throughout this album. i've heard it's from indonesian gamelan, which i have heard a bit of before and it sounds extremely cool (apologies for the non-descript compliment here). discipline sounds so mesmerizing, mechanical and complicated like all the gears in a clock turning.

i listened to three of a perfect pair next, which i thought was a really interesting album because of the harsh differences between the two sides.

i cannot stop dancing to the left side. my head cannot stop replaying toapp, that chorus is addicting to think about and the guitars and bass do good work. model man and man with an open heart are short and pleasant jams in a similar vein to toapp, don't have much to say on them. sleepless, however, is bass heaven (especially the tony levin mix, i can't listen to the normal album version now). highly recommend listening with a good headset with nice bass settings, i felt like something was horribly missing when i used the treble-heavy airpods.

i didn't think much of nuages and industry, they felt like transitionary pieces to me (maybe they'll grow on me, i'm just not used to long ambient songs in rock). however, i do enjoy the vibe that industry gives as an introduction to the right side, like entering the atmosphere of a new, metal-filled wasteland of a planet. those vibes transition very well into dig me. there is something unsettling and dissonant about the instrumental and the lyrics, like looking in the mind of a deteriorating machine. and the chorus comes in like brief moments of lucidity until it starts sputtering out again. it's like a poem with an instrumental backing. great, awesome, everyone knows how i feel about narrated pieces.

no warning is another transitionary piece into larks 3. i had actually listened to larks 1-3 prior to listening to all of toapp, and honestly i liked them all for pretty different reasons. larks 1 blew me away with the nonexistent transition into hard guitar. jaw dropped when i heard that first time; it made for a very good first impression of the whole larks album. larks 2 is literally just the coolest math rock song ever, which is a genre i've listened a bit to before and immediately liked. larks 3 just sounds evil (in a good way) to me, from that hellish guitar intro and how frantic it and the drums sound. all cool songs, i like :)

i listened to most of red too, but i was distracted when i did so i don't remember most of what i felt about the tracks. i do know that i was immediately very impressed with red and fallen angel, but i didn't finish providence and didn't listen to starless until later. i had high expectations for starless, knowing how well-praised it was literally any time it's mentioned.

and you know what, starless is kinda insane. the intro is quiet and beautiful. the middle lulled me into this repetitive sense of security until bruford starts going crazy with the drums. then everyone else starts raising the energy and the mellotron comes in, which is when i realized that my patience has been rewarded, and that people were right when they said this was peak. my favorite part is the last minute, when they reprise the intro into the most glorious ending. i audibly said "what the actual fuck" when i finished listening, it was that good. now i get the whiplash between going from this to 80s crimson; while i like both, the direction is extremely different.

i still have a lot of tracks to go through as of now. i'll probably finish going through the larks album next since i already started, then actually listen to itcotck as a whole. this is absolutely cool stuff, i should get into more prog rock than whatever araki's handed on a platter to jojo fans. also my only current exposure to the kc fanbase being r/kingcrimsoncirclejerk is certainly a choice on my part, but to be fair some funny shit does come from there

tl;dr the more i look at it, the more i like it. i do think it's good. the fact is, no matter how closely i study it, no matter how i take it apart, no matter how i break it down, it remains consistent. i wish you were here to see it. I LIKE IT

[allthemusic]

Week ending: 2nd June

Three familiar songs, but all ones I do quite like - I suspect this entry will be an exercise in comparing different versions! I'm trying to think if anything similar could even happen today. I can only think of multiple versions of Wellerman trending a while back? And that was an unusual song for multiple reasons, at a particularly weird time anyway, mid-Covid.

Unchained Melody - Jimmy Young (peaked at Number 1)

The first version of this song to grace number 1, but not the last. Weirdly I only found other versions of the song at first - it took a bit of hunting to work out which "Jimmy Young" track was the real one.

Once I found it, I did appreciate it. It starts with some more vigorous strummy guitar than I expected, which makes it feel definitely different to Al Hibbler's version from the get-go. It's got the same thing that version did, too, where the rhythms just aren't quite what I expect. They catch me off guard on various lines, and I feel really stupid, because I've just realised why! It's in 4/4, whereas the later versions I know are largely in 3/4. Honestly, I don't know why I didn't work it out with the last version!

Apart from that, the voice and the guitar do give this one a slightly country vibe, which isn't hurt by the violin that is subtly assisting. And there are also some backing singers straight from a Western soundtrack. They kind of work, especially after Jimmy sings Wait for me and they chip in with a ghostly sort of Unchain me, unchain me.

The whole thing works nicely. Maybe a bit cheerier-sounding than the slower, more soulful version? Either way, sufficiently distinct as its own thing that I can't really complain. And the backing singers are a delight.

Stranger in Paradise - The Four Aces (6)

I'm interested in seeing where this goes, since the Four Aces is a vocal group, and the last two singers were very much from the "Easy listening crooner" tradition of solo men. I suspect the style will need to change.

Well, we start with some flutes and some familiar instruments and I wond if there will be any changes, especially as the iconic "ooooh" bits begin, but then they change the theme! It goes up at the end, and I don't think I like it. I know how the tune here goes, why would you change it?!

And then the modified theme ends and the vibe changes entirely, with a double bass coming in and the whole thing picking up a swung rhythm as the singing begins. I don't know if the pivot works, but it's striking, and it does feel like it fits better with the group singing.

What I do enjoy is the oboe countermelody snaking round in the background. It's pretty, and all the other little instrumental frills are equally lovely, even if they only pop in and out sporadically.

Oh, and we shift into a different, vaguely Latin sounding rhythm on the I see your face section, before slowing it down, and returning to the first rhythm finally for the verse's return. The overall effec is a bit jerky, and it' mostly just alarming when the whole group come back for the worlds biggest ending. This is a Big Old Ending on steroids: Take my haaaaaaaaaaaaaand!

Yeah, I don't think this one works, sorry Aces.

Unchained Melody - Les Baxter (10)

Oh, we're starting with the backing singers singing Unchain me this time, and strings playing the main rhythm. It's a very soft, gentle sound, and still a little bit country, like in Jimmy's version. It also repeats twice - at one point I even began to wonder if this was going to be an instrumental arrangement.

But no, we get what sounds like multiple male voices after a few repeats and a fade-out. I can't tell if this is Les and a friend or if he's really a bandleader or the leader of a vocal group, or something. The men, whoever they are, don't sing very much, though, just one verse and done, with the whole song over in a 2:33 take that honestly feels like less.

Yeah, a bit of googling tells me that Les Baxter was an American swing bandleader who branched out into easy listening and lounge music. And this is just that, it's easy to listen to and pleasant bur a bit nothing-y. I'd put it on in the background in a lounge or whatever, so it's doing its job, I guess. The idea of music that isn't designed for really listening to is interesting to me, since it's really not what I use music for. But I can appreciate it.

I do also like the big, cinematic ending, with the choir and the clanking tubular bells, or some such percussion. It retroactively does make the whole thing feel like the song you'd get at the end of a film, a sort of victorious "I've escaped prison and am going home" track. The pathos of it all is dulled down, leaving this big, soaring ending.

I don't think I loved any of those, but none were worth disliking. I kind of wonder how the alternate universe 1955 version of me would have found them, actually. Maybe I'd have been all aboard for lots of strings and backing singing?

Favourite song of the bunch: Unchained Melody - Jimmy Young

[ghostoftheyear]

AO3 Wrapped 2023

Rather than attempt to reblog this (or wait and hope for asks), I just decided to fill out this whole thing. Was pretty fun.

How many words have you written this year? 38,232 (that's the published count, not sure what the WIP count looks like)

How many works did you publish this year? 5 (I'm counting "secure yourself" even though I started posting it in 2022)

What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)? Honestly, probably "secure yourself", even though it has its issues. The fact I've managed to get so much written on it makes me happy. Second place is "worthy".

What work of yours has the most hits? "melting of snow" with 768, go off you funky little minkao fans

What work of yours got more feedback than you expected? None of them, really. I have learned not to expect any feedback at all anymore, and I rarely get it.

Favorite title you used I love "secure yourself to heaven" because every lyric from the song, which is by the Indigo Girls, works for the fic.

If you use song lyrics, which artist's songs did you pull from the most? Not applicable.

Pairing you wrote the most for this year? Koujaku/Aoba barely wins with 2 fics, "thank u, next" and "secure yourself". Three if you count "Old Enough", but that includes all the other Aoba pairings, too.

Favorite pairing you wrote for this year? Koujaku/Aoba will never not be my DMMd OTP. I always love writing them and always will.

What work was the quickest to write? I guess "melting of snow" because it's a fairly short PWP and for a change, the sex was quick to write as well.

What work took you the longest to write? Seeing as it's still incomplete (but hopefully not for much lnger), "secure yourself". It's taken over two years, actually, as I started writing it in October of 2021.

How many WIPs do you have in your docs for next year? Counting only the active ones, 8. Some are more active than others. There are still a few I have in reserve as well, but just haven't had the motivation to work on in a long time.

What's your longest work of the year? "secure yourself", currently at 27,072 words (ooh, palindromic!)

What's your shortest work of the year? "melting of snow" at 1,380 words

What WIP are you taking into next year with you? um, all of them? (perhaps I don't understand the question; do people traditionally abandon their WIPs because of an arbitrary date change?)

What's your most common "Additional Tags" tag? I tend to tag according to content, I don't like rambling in tags.

Your favorite character to write this year? uhhhhhhhhhhh I guess maybe Camus/the White Devil just because he has an interesting thought process I don't usually tackle.

The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year? I don't feel like any of them really gave me trouble.

What's one pairing you want to explore next year? I really could not tell you. I've already got a variety on my WIP plate.

Which work of yours have you reread the most? From this year? "secure yourself", just because I needed to keep a lot of stuff forward in my mind as I went.

How many kudos in total did you get this year? 164

Which work has the most comments? "melting of snow", you horny bastards

Did you do any collaborative works this year? Nope.

Did you write any gifts this year? No, for the first time in a while.

Did you receive any gifts this year? No.

What's your most common category? m/m (lbr I barely ever write anything else)

What do you listen to while writing? Nothing. Music with lyrics messes up my writerbrain, so it's usually just silence interspersed with occasional cat screams.

Favorite work you wrote this year? Didn't I answer this already?

Favorite line/passage you wrote this year? There's a couple lines from "worthy" I'm particularly pleased with still: when Camus observes that Malraux "kisses as fiercely as he fights", and then "At this moment, Camus thinks he might be wasted as a cook, too." Also, Mink in "melting of snow": "He never thought he'd have the ability, let alone the opportunity, to be gentle again. He can't help but revel in it a little."

Biggest surprise while writing this year? The fact that I was able to sustain the writing on "secure yourself" despite only having one person really be interested in it. Sometimes you have to be your own cheerleader. It felt like a bit of a stepping stone for me as a writer.

[cbrownjc]

HBO: Depends on who they got to show-run it, but I still bet HBO would have tried to Game of Thrones it in some way and, as I said in another post, the way the Vampire Chronicles’ story is structured vs how the Song of Ice and Fire books/world are structured are so vastly different in tone and structure it would have led to tonal dissonance if they’d tried it that way. And when it didn’t work, they would have canceled it - after Season 2 would be my guess. (HBO will at least give a show two seasons from what I’ve observed.)

Netflix: might have done the show as it is now, but they would have canceled it after Season 3 if they were only licensing the rights to the books instead of owning the right outright. (And I don’t see Netflix paying the amount of money needed to outright own the rights to it.) Also if there is one thing Netflix is not going to do, it's pay their actors more money after Season 3 of a show, especially if they don’t outright own those rights. Or if the show is a hit with a demographic they weren’t initially targeting with it, they tend to cancel those shows too. (Why yes, I am still bitter about the cancelation of Anne with an E and Julie and the Phantoms.) 

The CW: I’ve already gone into the things that network wants out of its shows here. All your worst fears about queerbaiting and the sidelining of black characters would be more than well-founded because it probably 97.95% would happen. Hell, it would have happened halfway through season one to be quite honest. 

Also, the CW probably would’ve just gender-flipped Louis right out the gate in the casting (along with keeping him/her white), and made the character even more detached and on the bland side in order to make her the designated “self-insert” character for female viewers everywhere and try and pull in that Vampire Diaries/Twilight demographic.  

I honestly don’t see CBS, NBC, or ABC - or their streaming outfits (Paramount+, Peacock, and ABC just has their own app FWIU) - green-lighting the show in the first place. Especially not as is.

Hulu: had the rights once before as I understand it, and couldn’t make it work.

Fox: would have done some crazy BTS stuff that ends up sabotaging it; like moving its time slot two or three times a season, diminishing Louis as a co-lead character - especially if he was still black in the Fox version - even during the IWTV portion of the story, to the point that he and Lestat are “just friends” (keeping the homoerotic overtones of course, but they would never be an actual couple) and one-off characters like Gretchen and Dora as more predominate love interests for Lestat if they didn’t just outright give that role to Jesse again like the QofD movie did . . . and hell, Louis would have probably been paired with Merrick more permanently too at some point or something; then, around Season 4 or so, they’d cancel the show for losing viewers because of the BTS interference they did. 

Disney+: <screaming with laughter>  Yeah, no. 

AMC could do a better job promoting the show, I think criticism of that is warranted. However, the network is in the middle of restructuring itself, so there are probably some things they have to work out overall when it comes to things like that. 

But the fact is that the show is on a network that is fine with doing rather “problematic” stories (i.e. Breaking Bad) that are very character-focused; along with the fact that AMC, as a network, outright own the full rights to both the Vampire Chronicles and the Mayfair Witches books (instead of just licensing them) means a cancellation hammer isn’t going to fall as easily on either show as it would if they didn’t. (And, given the reviews and most reception for Mayfair Witches, it very well might have for that show already if they didn’t.) 

So yeah, oddly the only network I could maybe see it working on, especially in its current form, is maybe Hulu. But as said, they had the rights once before and couldn’t make it work, so . . . yeah, I am more than happy that the show landed on the network it did. It fits better than anywhere else IMO.  

I cringe every time someone says the show should have gone to a different network instead because I don't think people are truly grasping just how many bullets we've miraculously managed to dodge. you think you want to know what a netflix or hbo version of this show is I promise you that you don't trust me on this

[yumeka36]

Finally saw Encanto today. It was a very solid movie and I liked it a lot! Wanted to share its section from the latest issue of Disney Twenty-Three magazine. My detailed thoughts on the movie are at the end of this post...

(I thought the below page was pretty neat - a full list of the Disney animation canon, with Encanto as the 60th film. I’ve seen most of them of course, except for the package-era ones and a few other pre-Renassaince ones. Also never saw Chicken Little, Meet the Robinsons, or Winnie the Pooh 2011).

As for my thoughts on Encanto...

**WARNING - ENCANTO SPOILERS AHEAD**

-Before watching the movie for myself, I only ever saw the first trailer for it. My initial thought was that it seemed like the stereotypical “main protagonist who’s ‘different’ has to prove their worth” story, which isn’t bad necessarily, just something we’ve seen a lot, especially in animated films. But I always feel that just because a story has a cliche setup doesn’t mean it can’t evolve into something unique, and Encanto definitely did that.

-After Luisa’s song, I knew right away what the conclusion of the movie would be - that the family members are more burdened by their gifts than not, and Mirabel will be the one to help them see that. It was a big “ah-hah” moment, but at the same time, I didn’t know exactly how that would be resolved, so the movie still kept my interest.

-The songs were really catchy. Can’t say they made as big of an impression on me as most other Disney musicals, but I still enjoyed them. I’ll have to give them a listen to on their own to say for sure.

-Probably my only issue with the movie, though more of a personal preference than anything wrong with the movie itself, was the ending. I really thought it would end with the family no longer being burdened by their gifts and learning to live like a normal family - that the purpose of the miracle was to make them truly learn to be a happy family, and once they did in the end, and Alma got over the trauma of her past, the magic would no longer needed. I honestly thought that once Mirabel turned the doorknob, they’d all walk into a normal house and begin their new lives. Maybe Luisa would get a job doing heavy lifting, but not abnormally heavy, and Isabella would get a job growing plants and flowers, again, in a normal manner. So I felt a little jarred when the magical house returned, everyone got their gifts back, and things seemed to go back to the way they were, albeit, we get the impression that everyone isn’t as pressured to be perfect with their powers (though the only family members who got focus in terms of this conflict was Luisa and Isabella. Would have been nice to see how the others felt about the situation...maybe some were fine with it the whole time?) But again, the ending we got was fine, I just thought the other way would have been better. This reminds me of criticisms I’ve seen for the endings for Frozen 2 and Soul - that in Frozen 2, Arendelle should have been flooded in the end, and for Soul, Joe should have died in the end; that these endings would have made the message of the movies more impactful, and instead giving us the “too happy” of an ending was a cop out, showing that the creators were too afraid to go the whole way with their message. While I agree that these “darker” endings would have increased the wow factor of their respective movies, I don’t think lack of them ruined the movies at all. In the case of all three movies - Frozen 2, Soul, and Encanto - the protagonists are rewarded for their good deeds and lessons learned, and I think that’s still a fine message for an ending, especially for Disney and their emphasis on happy endings.

To summarize, Encanto is a great movie and I highly recommend it if you like Disney animated musicals!

[jalnandanz]

one more year. — y.jw.

pairing: yang jungwon x fem!reader

genre: angst, lovers to exes

word count: 0.9k

warnings: break ups, cheating, reader is kinda a bitch, no happy ending sorry 🤥

summary: it took three years for yang jungwon to finally be able to date his dream girl. three years to finally be able to hold her in his arms. but, love is a funny thing, really, because it just played him, hard. it took one more year for him to finally realize that not all lovers are destined to be together.

a/n: this is part 2 to "three years" !!! click here to read part 1. hello,, i know i dragged this on for so long lol !!! i honestly still really dislike this but. i dont rly know how to make it better :( and again,, i know i said i don't want to put out work i'm unsatisfied with but i feel very bad because this was supposed to come out like a month ago,,, so enjoy ig its not rly sad but. Yes

yang jungwon loved her.

he truly did, for 4 years to be exact. three years of him chasing her and 1 year of dating her. it was pathetic to say this, but when they started dating, he thought those 3 years were worth it.

yang jungwon loved her, but she didn't love him back.

it took less than 2 months for her to realize that they just weren't meant to be.

if she was being honest, she had only dated him out of pity. she had seen the way he looked at her for the past three years. she would be honest. he intrigued her at first. when she walked past him playing her favourite song on the guitar that day, she became interested. she had genuinely liked him as a friend, he was nice to be around, always considerate of her feelings yet also interesting to talk to. he was a great listener too. lovers? not so much. he was always trying too hard to please her. she would've preferred if they stayed friends. why couldn’t he behave the same way he did before they started seeing each other? he would’ve been perfect that way.

yang jungwon was a fool.

he was a fool, blinded by this silly, stupid thing called love. he still remembered when she would walk past him with her headphones, as if he was invisible.as if he was some stagnant statue. he realized one day that the song she had always been blasting on her blue headphones was the song that he had just started learning to play. so he played it one night, when the stars were as bright as the moon. it was quite romantic, if he did say so himself. and, surprisingly enough, it seemed to work. she had stopped in her tracks and took her headphones off to listen to him play the guitar. he was surprised that she heard him through the loud music.

when they first started becoming friends, they had immediately hit it off. they seemed to be 2 missing pieces of a puzzle piece, perfectly complimenting each other like pretty colour combinations, as if they were destined to meet. thinking back though, if they were destined to meet then she wouldn’t have ignored him for such a long time before noticing him.

they had been friends for around 3 months, yet he never saw that man that she had been with that day. him being his curious self, he asked her about that mysterious man. 

"oh, that's my ex. we recently broke up because he was flying to another country, and long distance isn't really our thing," she answered. jungwon felt so happy knowing he had a chance now, not just to be friends with her, but maybe even something more. little did he know, he was so, so wrong.

fast forward a few weeks and he was already asking her out. to his pleasant surprise, she had agreed. that was the best day of his life, he was sure of it. he got to do so many new things, things he had wanted to for painfully so long. he got to hold her hands in his, to have meals with her as a couple, have his first date with his dream girl. but, fast forward another few months and she was beginning to get bored of him.

she hated so many things about his new self, how he acted like he was here to serve her and hated how much of a "gentleman" he was, always insisting to pay the bill, as if he thought she couldn't afford it. it annoyed her, did he think she wasn’t well-off enough? maybe they were better off as friends, when he wasn't so pushy.

another few months passed and she had quickly reached her limit. the day she broke up with him, he realized that she was secretly seeing her ex behind his back. he wasn't going to lie, he was heartbroken, so heartbroken. maybe popular people like her and average ones like him were never meant to be together and never meant to stay in each other's worlds.

it was like the universe was mocking him for even thinking he had a chance with her. if she didn't even remember him for three years, why would they be able to date, or even stay together? no one was that lucky, were they?

had he not learned from those three years? maybe he should never have made a move, that way he could still talk to her. being friends was better than nothing, right? but now he had nothing.

maybe he was stupid to even think this, but he had still enjoyed their one year together. he had learnt from his mistakes and would be sure not to make them again. would there even be a second one though? he had fallen too deep for her to even like someone else. he was so stupid to have liked her. out of all the people in the world, he had somehow chosen the one person that he had no chance with.

he was a fool to have fallen for her. he was an even bigger fool for thinking that they could be more than friends. and he was the biggest fool to not realize that no matter how long you chase someone, if two people were not meant to stay together, the universe would always pull them apart like two broken pieces of a heart.

his heart.

[etherealfroggy]

So I got home from school yesterday and binged almost the whole season. I stopped halfway through episode 6 cos I had to go to bed but I wanted to share my thoughts so far. SPOILERS AHEAD!!

1. Episode 4 is by far my favourite episode. I've fallen in love with Max this season. And that last sequence about friendship and her realising how loved and wanted she is and just running desperately to the friends she had been running AWAY from all this time was so so beautiful I was BALLINGGGG like real crying lmao. And it resonates so much with me as someone who has dealt with mental health issues. I don't know if I'll ever recover cause I keep replaying that scene in my head. Sadie Sink is amazing and I will be adding "Running Up That Hill" to my liked songs.

2. I think my favorite storyline is definitely the Creel House storyline. I like the gang and they have the most "mystery-solving season one" kind of vibe so I like them the most. Also they're the only ones in Hawkins which will always be my favorite place!

3. El's storyline follows closely behind though. I love her so much and it's so interesting finding out her past and I'm scared of what we'll find but I'm also intrigued and I can't wait for her to work though all these memories and get her powers back.

4. HOPPER IS SUCH A BADASS!! HE FUCKING ESCAPED THE MOTHERLAND ONCE - I KNOW HE CAN DO IT AGAIN.

5. Murray and Joyce are bad ass as well. Glad Murray got to have his karate chop moment in the spotlight lmao

6. I love Argyle (as expected) and I love the dynamic he has going with Jonathan. They're hilarious and their commentary after the roller rink incident was just amazing to watch. I love the actors.

7. So very disappointed in Byler :( I'm still holding onto hope but there's only three and a half episodes of the last season and they haven't hinted to it enough or in a well-enough-executed way. No hints that Mike might like Will back apart from their weird reunion at the airport and the moments where they show Will pining for Mike don't feel natural. Their dynamic is so off and honestly really boring and I hate to admit that. Just Will supporting Mike and nothing else. It's all Will has been doing this whole season and it makes me so mad.

I really hope they don't mess this up. It looks like they might be going down the "unrequited" road or even if they're going for Byler i'm scared its going to be badly executed :( Idk...just feeling like whatever happens I won't like it. I would rather have no byler/will liking mike than have it done badly. Fingers crossed though - maybe they can salvage it in the last episodes.

8. On the same note of Will this season...doubly disappointed. I feel like he has nothing to do again except even worse. Like...all he does is give emotional support to El and Mike and that's it?? They haven't really made it clear how he might be pining over Mike so it really looks like he has nothing personally going on for him. He's my favorite character and the one I was most excited to see really thrive this season. I thought they would give him a chance in the spotlight or at least make him relevant again but NO. Nothing as of now :( And it's really bad because they found a way to handle all the other characters pretty well even though I feared the cast was too large. Fucking Chrissie had more going on for her than William😭

9. I think the California gang is lacking in general honestly. I like Argyle and Jonathan's dynamic and that one-shot shooting sequence was cool but its the most boring storyline this season. I don't really find it interesting tbh and it really sucks not to but oh well🤷

If anyone wants to give their thoughts, feel free - I would really love some reassurance in Byler if there is any😭 I was so sure it was gonna happen this season but so far...it's been a letdown.

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 03/06/2023 (J Hus, Taylor Swift, Dua Lipa)

Content warning: Unusually murderous lyrics

Welp, it’s the eighth week on top of the UK Singles Chart for “Miracle” by Calvin Harris and Ellie Goulding... maybe its last? We’ll see but for now, welcome back to yet another episode of REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

Rundown

As always, we start with our notable dropouts although this may be one of those rare weeks where our returning entries are more interesting. Regardless, notable dropouts are songs exiting the UK Top 75 – which is what I cover – after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40. Sadly, we see “Mourning” by Post Malone leave the top 40 after only one week in the chart, and honestly most of these dropouts are at least decent. Sure, I’m not complaining about “Calendar” by Nines, but we also say farewell to “Healing” by Tion Wayne, “Energy” by Digga D and “B.O.T.A. (Baddest of Them All)”... as well as “Mr. Brightside” because of course but probably most unfortunately, “ceilings” by Lizzy McAlpine. It had a good run, and if I end up making a year-end list, it would end up pretty high to say the least.

We also see the three-song rule in action, which is partly why I mentioned our returning entries, as both Taylor Swift and Lewis Capaldi switch out their Pokémon. Capaldi exchanges “How I’m Feeling Now” for “Forget Me” (back at #62) which is the more rote exchange compared to Taylor, who lets “Anti-Hero” drop out of the chart – finally – thanks to the new reissue for Midnights, which has allowed “Snow on the Beach” featuring Lana Del Rey to re-enter at #24 due to a superior version that includes more vocals from Lana since fans were clamouring for it. More on Taylor later.

For now, there are three more returns and whilst I can’t say I was ever a big fan of Tina Turner, both her legendary presence and comeback in the 1980s as well as her heartbreaking story that makes her out like a badass who survived a ton of abuse from her ex-husband and lived life to the fullest for the years afterwards, was impossible to ignore, and still is. She did live a long life, but I can’t help but think that the Queen of Rock and Roll still never got her due flowers when alive, and I honestly include myself in that – why I haven’t dug into her albums is beyond me. Sadly, Tina never topped the chart here in the UK, peaking at #3 a fitting three times. Only one of those songs, the US chart-topper “What’s Love Got to Do with It” from 1984, returns this week at #35. A 2020 Kygo remix of said song was her latest chart hit, peaking at #31. Weirdly enough, Warren G and Adina Howard actually took the song further to #2 with their 1996 cover, which is bizarre to think about. Her 1993 cover of Creedence Clearwater Revival’s “Proud Mary” is back at #44, with this solo version actually reaching a new peak since it only got to #62 prior in 2010 thanks to an X Factor performance. The original CCR track hit #8 and the version Tina recorded with Ike never charted in the UK. Finally, at #25, we have “The Best”, probably tied with “What’s Love Got to Do with It” as her best known song. I imagine this charted higher because 1.) it’s the name of her greatest hits album, and 2.) it has a really triumphant, celebration of life feeling to it. The song is actually a cover of a Bonnie Tyler song but her version went nowhere whilst “The Best” was a global hit when performed by Tina Turner, so she definitely owns this song in the cultural understanding. Her version peaked at #5 in the UK, 90 spots higher than Tyler’s, and actually returned to #9 in, once again, 2010. I don’t think all these numbers effectively represent the impact of Tina Turner, and I’m far from the best person to relay what she and her songs meant to millions of people, but still, rest in power.

When it comes to the rest of our gains, well, we see boosts for “Little Things” by Jorja Smith at #45, “Satellite” and “Late Night Talking” by Harry Styles at #36 and #31 respectively, and that’s pretty much it aside from Taylor’s already mediocre “Karma” suffering from its frankly terrible Ice Spice remix, surging all the way up to #12. We’ll see if it sticks around, but I have my doubts.

As for the top five on this week’s UK Singles Chart, it’s looking pretty standard – we have “REACT” by Switch Disco and Ella Henderson featuring the late Robert Miles at #5 – not complaining about that one gaining – followed by “As it Was” by Harry Styles, and “Calm Down” by Rema both taking their sweet time at #4 and #3. And of course, we have “Daylight” by David Kushner at #2 and “Miracle” at the very top, so now it’s time to run through this week’s newest chart entries.

NEW ARRIVALS

#75 – “Pelle Coat” – Lil Durk

Produced by Chopsquad DJ

I did not listen to Almost Healed. I probably should have but whilst I do quite like Lil Durk a lot of the time, when I see production from Dr. Luke and features from Kodak Black, Morgan Wallen and the late Juice WRLD, a lot of my interest flies out of the window, especially since “All My Life” continues to sour on me outside of Durk’s contribution. Thankfully, we didn’t get any of that malarkey as thanks to a video, a solo Durk track consisting of mostly observational story-telling is what charted from his album, which peaked at #14 on the albums chart this week. I love how the more intimate 90s R&B keys play off the looming pianos, fitting for how gang violence and paranoia is meshed with trying to live an average, everyday life and forming personal relationships with people you love and then see die, with Chopsquad DJ really delivering what is pretty much a perfect beat for Durk, so it’s no surprise that he kills it, without a hook and instead just a creeping refrain – “they’re scared to come outside”. Durk keeps his wonky, fast-paced melodic flow as he recalls events from his life for four minutes, with these specific stories ending up becoming trends and routines, to the point where his aunt can’t even trust him after he saw his cousin die right in front of him, which is just a small part of the second verse but was what resonated with me. It gets to an interesting question – at what point is family still family? – but seemingly understands his aunt’s visceral reaction, since Hell, he has at least 12 visceral, distrusting gut reactions to tragedies in his life in this very song. He ends the song with a duality: Durk knows what he’s done in his life, and isn’t scared to face them... but he also asks Allah if he can forgive him for the sake of his family. How I’d describe the last couple bars, droned on with melodious Auto-Tune, would be helpless and lacking control. In fact, he loses control of the narrative throughout the song, intentionally or not, as his bars get longer, more specific and more wrapped up in context, whilst his flow gets sloppier and less melodic until the last couple lines, where he feels like he needs divine intervention just to know that he can be closer with his own children and make sure his friends aren’t dying. It’s a pretty devastating opener too, considering the first track is just Alicia Keys initiating the therapy session and “Pelle Coat” is how he ends up venting to her. It may not be for everyone, but it’s a pretty vulnerable track from Durk that I’m sad has to exist.

#67 – “Talibans” – Byron Messia

Produced by Kelly Beatz

Ah, the Taliban. My favourite Islamist fundamentalist organisation currently in control of most of Afghanistan. This is actually nothing new for the record – in Lil Yachty’s “Oprah’s Bank Account” with DaBaby, which peaked at #54, Drake compares himself to Osama bin Laden AND Barack Obama, and Future continuously mentions the Taliban in reference to his gang, as do many other rappers. Hell, Drake seems to have the Taliban follow him everywhere – he was on “Life is Good” with Future that peaked at #3 and that had Osama show up in the lyrics too. Hell, it had DaBaby on the remix also, and both songs were released in 2020. I may have inadvertently discovered the weirdest trend in pop music in the last five years. Moving on, Byron Messia is a bubbling artist born in Jamaica and apparently from St. Kitts and Nevis, with this being his breakout hit... and it’s completely serviceable dancehall. The bed of vocal samples that acts as a melody amidst the fizzy bass and tropical drums doesn’t really serve much of a foundation: it feels really minimal, and the fact that Messia goes for an Auto-Tune croon instead of a more threatening delivery just makes this feel pretty dissonant. The creeping violence in the pre-chorus – where he says that the brain will be shot so far it ends up in Canada which, unless something’s lost in the language barrier, is pretty funny – does not mix with this cloudy dancehall pop at all, and it really wouldn’t bother me if he were more interesting in his delivery or if there was anything to this production, and no, repeating the chorus with ridiculous vibrato inflections as the outro is not “interesting”. I guess it’s completely fine but I definitely won’t be returning to this.

#63 – “Good Love” – Hannah Laing and RoRo

Produced by Hannah Laing and James Hurr

Alright, I’ll bite: who the Hell are any of these people? So Hannah Laing is a Scottish DJ from Dundee who’s been doing mixes and bootlegs for quite a while now, and has some connections in the Ibiza circuit, as well as podcasts, club nights and a recent documentary. James Hurr is a London producer, and RoRo is an R&B singer from Barbados. This track, topped with a very Scottish cover art, is a club banger based on RoRo’s pitch-shifted vocals about love and freedom, and I’ll say – great choice for a hook, Hannah, if this is a remix, and great idea, RoRo, if it isn’t – “give me permission to lose my head” is a banger line to put at the end of your refrain for a hardcore track. The breakbeats waiver off of the warped bass before clashing into a muted yet alarming synth kick keeping everything just tight enough for an explosion to eventually come around the corner, and then... well, it doesn’t happen immediately. We get a festival-ready moment of tension that sticks for way longer than I assumed it would, chopping up RoRo’s vocals into an entirely new hook, as the breakbeats ramp up in intensity amidst all the reverb and filters, only for it to tighten right back up again. If I’m honest, I do feel kind of cheaped out of a good climax here, and I’m kind of underwhelmed by the “drop” if you can call it that – it feels more like just returning to the song as usual, with not much changed in terms of melodies or synth layering, and especially not production, to make it feel all that worth it. Maybe an extended mix would help me enjoy this since it brings the potential for more build-up and more punch, and I have no doubt this would go hard thrown in a DJ mix, but I feel like it’s not quite there for me yet, which is a shame since this sound usually clicks with me immediately. There’s a great foundation here, with good ideas, but it just doesn’t hit like I want it to.  

#20 – “Dance the Night” (From Barbie the Album) – Dua Lipa

Produced by Mark Ronson, Picard Brothers and Andrew Wyatt

I could not care less for the Barbie movie, but a star-studded soundtrack with Mark Ronson at the helm sounds like more my speed, especially if it’s going to go all-out with the camp style of the brand. I do feel Ronson could potentially fumble this by wanting to make it feel cool, which really shouldn’t be happening when one of the songs is a cover of Aqua’s “Barbie Girl” with Nicki Minaj and Ice Spice... but I’ll definitely be listening to it when it comes out to hear if Ronson spares his dignity on this record, which he really shouldn’t when considering what he’s actually making the soundtrack for. This Dua Lipa single is the lead-off for the Barbie moment of the Summer, and... yeah, this sure sounds like a Future Nostalgia song. Given “We’re Good” and “Sweetest Pie”, I wasn’t really excited for whatever Dua was seemingly going to put out sound-wise but at least it was a bit different to what we’d already heard her try and succeed with flying colours at. This just feels like Ronson re-sparking the magic of that last Dua album and I mean, you can’t really fail with that? The strings are immense, the claps are alive, and Dua’s ad-libs and harmonies feel perfectly orchestrated alongside the groove, which is something Mark Ronson has always been great at. Something else he’s great at is making something that means completely nothing sound as cinematic as possible – and given this song is just about, well, dancing and fun and some PG romance, the strings and twinkling keys do a lot of heavy lifting in making this feel like well, anything, yet it still just kind of feels muddy. The mix is dynamic, sure, but the groove is unchanging apart from the Disney pre-chorus, which we don’t always get, and whilst I love the harmonies and vocal riffing Dua engages in here, it feels like it’s covering up a melodically void chorus, one that’s not as catchy and honestly too covered in sprinkles to really work for me. I know, I know, I said I didn’t want him to spare his dignity, but I feel like he fell into that exact trap I was suspecting – Dua doesn’t get any funny lines or inflections, the song feels orchestrated which is a gift and a curse, and the songwriting is kind of rote. With this Barbie album, I want less serviceable pop music and more sacrifices – it would probably fit with the movie and brand more than he thinks it does. Alas, this is still a decent song, just not one that really elevates to a higher level like much of Future Nostalgia did. There’s some life missing here.

#18 – “Hits Different” – Taylor Swift

Produced by Taylor Swift, Aaron Dessner and Jack Antonoff

This originally Target-exclusive track from Midnights was naturally a fan favourite to be added onto streaming and with the newest reissue, this was one of the three tracks added – the other two were alternate versions previously mentioned in this episode. I’m sure for Swifties this was worth the wait but I don’t like this at all. “Hits Different” is about a vivid breakup that’s just so much more impactful than the others because of how the relationship felt. We’ve got an acoustic guitar pickup that really could find better use in some indie rock, that gets muddied with some gross-sounding percussion that hits in full force in a chorus alongside Antonoff’s buzzy synths and a really awkward cadence from Taylor that feels a bit outside of what she wants to do? I don’t know, pretty much all of the melodies here feel like reaches for Taylor’s voice and inflections, especially with harmonies that get kind of messy, and whilst that very much could be the intention for a song about a “catastrophic” breakup, it doesn’t really hit that this means all that much as she claims it to. Sure, it’s in the writing, but by the time we get to Taylor’s borderline yelling and rapping in the bridge, I’m confused to why this isn’t in full mourning mode. If it’s not easy to move on, why is the song so breezy and flowery in how she sloppily moves through overwritten lines? That third verse also feels kind of tacked on and unnecessarily dissonant for a song that just ends up continuing as if nothing’s changed. I suppose it’s a fine pop song, but it feels like the fundamentals aren’t there so they just pumped it with nicely-produced Jack Antonoff Juice to make it sound realised. Even when charting in the top 20, this is still a bonus track and honestly for good reason.

#15 – “It’s Crazy” – J Hus

Produced by Fumes Beats

And finally, we end the episode with the comeback of J Hus and... man, this is devilish. The beat from Fumes Beats is pretty standard drill with a particularly menacing acoustic guitar, oddly infectious vocal loops and a hard-hitting 808, but Hus is really the main story here, and he’s completely unhinged in borderline sadistic violence, with a flow that is basically Ol’ Dirty Bastard levels of just barely staying on beat yet still piquing your interest with menace and madness. The comic antagonism gets to really interesting places, especially when he basically just starts talking, criticising people for wanting to see him as a villain when he’s living his life peacefully before immediately back-tracking and saying he’s been feeling evil recently – but not recently, just forever. There’s a rasp and grit to his voice here, but it’s not overwhelming or fully aggressive, making it feel even more out-there and honestly damn near creepy, with a great rhyme scheme in the first verse making up for the purposefully awkward silences. The first verse starts with psychological torture and the second starts with just straight-up sadistic torture, with a build-up of eerie Halloween synths that really makes this feel as evil as possible. It’s not surprising he compares himself to the Joker, but calling himself the “father” of pain and trauma goes unnecessarily hard, and he even admits to murder giving him a boner. There’s a soaring screech of strings that just barely intercepts the bass in the second half of the second verse and, no pun intended, it is killer, and leads very well back into the chorus, if you can call it that. I didn’t really expect the highest debut this week to be as murderous as this, but as someone who likes their hardcore rap particularly unhinged, I’m surprised to see this as a lead single, but definitely not complaining. This is insane.

Conclusion

I feel like I need to give J Hus Best of the Week for “It’s Crazy” since I’m pretty sure if I don’t, I won’t see another chart, but it’s not like he doesn’t deserve it, with the very close Honourable Mention going to Lil Durk for “Pelle Coat”. Good week for paranoid murder raps, I guess. As for the rest, it really wasn’t a standout week in either extreme, but I think I’m giving Worst of the Week to Taylor Swift for “Hits Different” with a Dishonourable Mention to “Talibans” by Byron Messia, just for being pretty boring. For what’s on the horizon, I think we can expect an overthrow at the very top, but elsewhere, I guess we’ll find out. Thanks for reading, and I’ll see you next week!

[ophelliate]

Bang Goes the Knighthood Takes

It's been about a week. I've listened to this album for about a week.

Honestly I didn't really know what to expect with this one considering like I said prior, this was a tumblr favorite it seemed but it also wasn't the album considered to be the "Hannon-aissance", that'd be Foreverland. The only other context I had for it was that three years prior to the release of the album, Neil Hannon had a divorce with his wife, and while most of the details seemed to be kept private at the time of listening, I guessed the album would explore the subject one way or the other? Turns out I was wrong about that and it was actually Victory that put some light on the matter, but it's still what I had in mind when going in.

But in terms of my thoughts of the album after listening? Well my first conclusion was essentially, "Perhaps I treated Absent Friends too harshly" (and I did).

1.) Down in the Street Below

First Impression: "Very gentle opener; honestly not what I expected."

I have a soft love for this song but first and foremost, I'm just surprised this was the opener. It fits, definitely, but compared to past albums this one stands out to me. All the other albums seem to start with very relaxed but still energetic songs, from Generation Sex to To Die a Virgin. This one in comparison is much more mellow while still fitting the vibe of Divine Comedy, and that combined with the lyrics makes me appreciate it a fair amount. My only real con is that there is a fast part in the song, but the song was too cowardly to return to it. It leaves an odd tonal gap in which I would've preferred a back and forth between the slow and fast melodies, but it might just be me not being used to the song yet.

2.) The Complete Banker

First Impression: "Makes more sense now remembering this was made around 2008."

One thing I didn't expect in this album was a song making fun of the Great Recession. Obviously by premise alone, this is the funniest song in the album. The lyrics carry this song hard. They're just funny to read in the first place and gives me a hopeful reminder that rich people have always been worth bullying. However, musically the song is a little bland in my eyes. The verses have an interesting tang but the chorus doesn't wow me at all. It's perfectly average.

3.) Neapolitan Girl

First Impression: "Oh nice vacation sounding song?"

You know, this song is very fun for being about surviving WWII warfare. Honestly without context this is such a carefree, bubbly song that sounds like you're meeting a splendid girl while on vacation– the more I go into these album-binges the more I develop a European vernacular get me out of here– The fact that it's in a much faster tempo than other songs in this album is also a major plus in its favor. Overall, great vibes, good song.

4.) Bang Goes the Knighthood

First Impression: "It sounds like another angsty animatic song, a bit more middle school energy so far though."

This was one of the songs that I fucked up on since I thought it was about the divorce at first. Then, after listening a couple more times and looking through lyrics and analysis, I realized I was very wrong and it's instead unabashedly horny to a great degree. Maybe the 'Bang' was a hint. Regardless, this gothic medieval style is beautiful albeit a little edgy. But with the lyrics focusing on kink/s&m and breaking free from the secrecy of the lust/love, of course this has queer tones to it, and I think that adds to the chill of it. Then again it'd also be just as amusing to summarize this song with the notion that Neil Hannon is down for pe–

5.) At the Indie Disco

First Impression: "The strings help it from just sounding like a song."

The more I listen to this song, the more I hate it. Why is it so popular? It's so boring. I don't care for it. The strings during the verses/bridge really are the only thing saving it. I don't even have much to say about it because it just seems plain... plain. It's the simplistic beat and the repetitive/generic melody. I don't get it. Why do people like this song? Who knows maybe my aggressive is just coming from how it got into the Best Of album instead of... literally anything else in this album except–

6.) Have You Ever Been in Love

First Impression: "God, this reminds me of the songs my mom would play constantly when I was in middle school."

This song is kinda also boring. Like yeah, it really does gives me vibes of something my mom would listen to but like the kind that you get tired of listen to in the background after about 5 listens. Who knows maybe I'll get into this song when I'm in my late twenties and feel the need to post life aesthetics on Instagram because I need to have my JustGirlyThings moment. Actually this song is JustGirlyThings manifested. Huh, better than Songs of Love to be honest but both are in Best Of what the fuck.

7.) Assume the Perpendicular

First Impression: "It's a little more subdued but I like it."

Banger, banger, banger– This song gives such a good energy. In general, it's a friendly song that makes you feel like you're on a vacation with your friends and just fucking around with the stuff you're seeing and having the most fun you can. And the music is a good example of a major pro with this album: a lot of it is really danceable. This song in particular makes me wanna get up and move my feet a little at having a good time. The lyrics also match up with what I think the themes are with this album, which focuses on doing whatever you want and embracing the silly or simple things in the world no matter how chaotic. And while this song decided to do it using architecture oddly enough, it manages to encapsulate those concepts in such a charming way with just the chorus that even I can relate to its own philosophy. But perhaps I just love this song in a way that makes me very obviously #quirkygirl though, oh well.

8.) The Lost Art of Conversation

First Impression: "The title makes me think this is a boomer song."

I think it could've been better. It gives me boomer energies in like 15 angles but at least one of those angles is like, vague classic rock, which is a good thing. This is also just a song with a bunch of pop culture references. because. I guess it makes sense in this case since they'd be conversation topics? I don't know, the lyrics don't really impress me but at least it's a pretty casual song for background tune.

9.) Island Life

First Impression: "The guitar and voice gives very nice folk-pop vibes."

Mm, good vibes. The beginning is a wondering introduction even if it's really long, but it sets up the dream-like atmosphere that soon enters into the folky vacation that would be a dream in the first place. This is the lawful good version of Lost in my head. Like this is the beach version of cottagecore and I'm here for it. I too would like to gather wood for the breakfast brew and watch for ships from the tallest tree. That or quarantine can just fuck up a bitch like that.

10.) When a Man Cries

First Impression: "Goddamnit it's doing the back and forth again but the emo melody is pretty."

I had to rewind this song like 5 times once because I kept spacing out and not paying attention to it at all. This song almost exists as an anomaly to me. The music box is very satisfying to hear even if it's purposefully out of time, and overall the angsty sections sound nice. It reminds me of like old, dramatic hispanic ballads in that regard. The more upbeat section is okay but I much prefer the angsty sections and isn't as exciting as the one in Down in the Street Below. In fact I say it has a similar tonal shift issue like Street Below because of that. But uh, the lyrics are honestly really good and does carry the song quite a bit.

11.) Can You Stand Upon One Leg

First Impression: "I don't know the verses are just so mid."

Forgive me sir, but I think this song is trying too hard to be quirky. I get it's trying to fit with the theme of the album since it's being silly and absurd, but like you can do that in an entertaining way. Lowkey it feels like its trying to be the Wiggles and failing. The chorus and bridge are good, but my first thought is still the same, the verses are plain. Also the ending is... well, the ending.

12.) I Like

First Impression: "Head boppy."

I like it musically, especially in the verses but alas gimmick songs have gimmicky lyrics. It's so simple compared to everything else, which is probably the point but. huh. The lyrics kinda make it underwhelming in comparison to the music. It could be better but it's in the value of circumstance for this one I presume. Pick up to the chorus is a banger, though.

I mean, I guess it was okay.

I don't know, the album didn't really wow me in the past week. It didn't give me any crisis like the others apart from the incident where someone worded their interpretation of a song as "coming out" and I went on a rapid google search for a couple minutes.

I enjoy the theme of the album but my main gripe with it as a whole is that it doesn't have that Divine Comedy™ spark in my eyes at times. Like, Regeneration was trying too hard to be indie while this album tried to be pop-y. In ways, it benefitted to its favor since, as I said, this album is danceable, but that doesn't save the songs that musically and sometimes lyrically are plain in comparison. But perhaps it was the right move at the time since those songs I called boring are the ones that ended up being popular it seems.

These songs made me realize that– yeah, Absent Friends is good, because while you could tell that the indie-ness of 2001 was still there, AF still had a personality to it that was able to create beautiful compositions with a string ensemble playing those melodies 42 hours a day. This had... medieval? No that was maybe two songs. Vacation? Well, solid guess but not really. Quirky??? Oh huh I think I just cracked the code, this was made in fucking 2010: the year/decade to be odd but still in a manufactured, trend-setting way.

That oddly explains far more than it should, but at least it explains a reason this album is iffy to me. The thing about The Divine Comedy and its music is that it's relatively timeless. Genuinely, before I knew the band well, I thought Something for the Weekend, Lady for a Certain Age, and You'll Never Work in this Town Again were all four years apart from one another at the max. You could imagine the shock I had when I discovered two of those songs have a 20+ year gap. So, for me and TDC, hearing songs where you can tell when they're from and how they've aged in so-so fashion is somewhat of a detriment for it.

One thing I can comment on about all the 2000s albums though is that they definitely give a reasonable explanation for why Hannon was chosen to songwrite for Wonka. No matter what directions the movie takes, this decade proved he could pull off either/any angle. If they want to recreate the Gene Wilder rendition of Wonka, Absent Friends shows a childlike whimsy with its classical yet homey/warm tone; If they go a more Tim Burton route, there's the gothic aspects of Knighthood and the dramatic flair of Victory right there. Neil Hannon ended up establishing a vibe this decade that's oddly perfect for some English book about chocolate.

But anywho, I'm hoping Foreverland will be fun at least. Like I said in the beginning, it's said to be the "Hannon-aissance" so I'm hoping it lives up to its claims. I might post a review of Absent Friends too considering how my thoughts have evolved in the past week about it.

Three Best Songs of the Album:

1.) Assume the Perpendicular

2.) Neapolitan Girl

3.) Down in the Street Below

Album Rankings Worst (affectionate) to Best (more affectionate):

7.) Regeneration (2001)

6.) A Short Album About Love (1997)

5.) Bang Goes the Knighthood (2010)

4.) Fin de Siecle (1998)

3.) Absent Friends (2004)

2.) Casanova (1996)

1.) Victory for the Comic Muse (2006)

If there's any thoughts you want posted from me, lmk.

[pxayopina-unilsiyu]

Rating Avatar soundtracks

I’m bored let’s go. fair warning i have 0 knowledge of music theory outside of stuff I learned in piano/saxophone lessons years ago.

3. The classic Avatar (2009) OST

Well, there’s a lot to say about this one. Ironically, I think its greatest strengths lie in the orchestral tracks, but maybe I’m biased because You Don’t Dream in Cryo is my favorite song out of any of the soundtracks. There’s a lot of criticism circulating around it, some of which I agree with, some I don’t. In short, it serves its purpose (being a semi-blend of orchestral and ‘tribal’ motifs, representing the divide between humans and Na’vi) to the barest of minimums and then goes no further. Holds a special place in my heart for obvious reasons, but overall, a 6/10. Had potential, played it very safe, still one of the best and most iconic movie soundtracks to date.

Anyway, if you haven’t already, I’d definitely listen to the deluxe version of this one, it’s got a few bonus tracks that I think add to it. Again, I think this one works great for the human side of the movie, just not as much so for the Na’vi. But if you’re trying to represent equality between the two sides as well as the Na’vi’s triumph, you should probably put equal effort and authenticity into both.

2. Pandora: The World of Avatar Soundtrack

I’m very 50/50 on this one. To be clear I’m not counting the Flight of Passage Ridethrough and Pandora Walkthrough as I don’t really count those as ‘songs’. Am counting the River Journey ridethrough. Anyway, the first half of this is pretty good. Spirits of Mo’ara is just a rehash of songs from the Avatar OST but otherwise, everything up to Shaman of the Souls is great. Then we get to everything after it. I’m sorry to everyone who likes surf rock, but all of the surf rock songs kill this soundtrack for me. Especially the Pongu Pongu songs, they are like nails on chalkboard for me. I did not need a surf rock version of the main Avatar theme to exist, thank you. Anyway, this one still has a one-up on the Avatar OST for me primarily because it actually has proper Na’vi lyrics in it. The songs that do have Na’vi lyrics are not my favorites; The Shaman Call is literally just the same basic verse lifted from River Journey repeated ad nauseum and Bossa’s lyrics are either nonsensical or just phrases from the film. This OST also does a better job of including Na’vi motifs and straying away from just being a basic orchestral soundtrack with some chanting and drumbeats thrown in. All in all, this one’s getting a tentative 7/10. The first and second half of it feel totally different so I could honestly rate them as individual STs but they’re on the same album so it is what it is.

1. Toruk: The First Flight 

What can I say, this one is by far the best, at least in some regards. This musical is about Na’vi, and they made the soundtrack Na’vi. The use of instruments is spot on; aside from string instruments there is very little generic movie soundtrack vibes. All of the vocals sound Na’vi-ish, and by far my favorite aspect of it is that it makes use of throat-singing, something that was originally going to be in the Avatar soundtrack but was ultimately cut. It sounds awesome, and hearing it utilized so well in this album makes me disappointed it is not more heavily used in the Pandora soundtrack and that they cowardly cut it from the Avatar one. Also! It has Na’vi lyrics in it! Actual Na’vi lyrics! A lot of the lyrics are really complicated too, which elevates the authenticity even further. Also, really baffles me how the Cirque performers have better Na’vi pronunciation than some of the actors in the film, but it just goes to show their level of dedication to the project. I love how each clan’s ‘theme’ song has its own distinct feel and vibe, and each truly feels fitting to the clan it represents. The Omatikaya’s is layered and expressive, the Tawkami’s is light and playful, the Kekunan’s is brooding and ancient, the Anurai’s is mournful and lonely, the Tipani’s is fierce and energetic. There’s not much I can criticize this one for, especially since it is meant to go with a performance/show, which I haven’t seen. The only thing I’ll say is that some of the tracks feel a little repetitive, but again, I can’t make a judgement without its fuller intended context. This one gets a 9/10; for a Na’vi inspired soundtrack, it is the best of the three. It truly sounds like it was created by the Na’vi, rather than a bunch of humans trying to imitate them.

-

Ok thanks for reading I guess! Definitely listen to all of these all the way through and come to your own conclusion, they’re each great in their own regard, I’d be interested to hear your thoughts on each whether it be positive or negative. I really hope the soundtracks for the sequels will take from each - especially Toruk - and improve upon the first’s flaws. 

Makto nìmwey! I have a headache and I’m gonna pass out for an hour now.

[poppunkporco]

the one where you walked me home (porco x reader fic)

the one where you walked me home (porco x reader)

contents: porco x fem reader, mentions of marcel galliard, childhood friends, best friends to lovers, fluff, pining, alternate universe - college/university, modern au, bisexuality, smoking, porco galliard-centric

rating: teen and up audiences

summary: When he walks her home that night, Porco realizes he might have feelings for his childhood best friend. He has no idea in hell how to deal with it but he tries.

word count: 5079

notes: i just thought it'd be interesting to try writing a modern au porco/reader fic in a more porco-centric POV. what i try to do here is explore how he deals with the soft sappy feelings of slowly realizing he's in love since he's pretty bad at emotions and even more so when it's not a [strong, violent type of feeling]

*fic loosely based on this song:

*this is also cross-posted on ao3

***

2:40 AM at an empty parking lot behind a 7-Eleven. The nearest lamp post flickers weakly with its dimming orange light as Porco sets down his third empty beer can on the concrete with a yawn.

“Hey,” he says, lightly shrugging the shoulder against which she leaned her head on. She doesn’t budge from beside him. He rubs the lethargy off his eyes.

They’ve been sitting on this parking block for almost three hours now-- since they left the gig hours ago at the pub just across the university. They’d just spent the past few hours ranting about midterms and how fucked up alienated labor is along with the absence of ethical consumption under capitalism-- and how everyone is forced to participate in it, talking about trips they’d like to make in and outside the city, their ideal lovers, and anxieties about the future. This was a thing they did now and then, usually on Fridays and Saturdays-- seeking a kind of cathartic escape from their hectic academic life in each other’s company. A friendly rendezvous they’d jokingly call dates every now and then.

He leans forward just enough to get a peek at her face, partly obscured by the mess of hair that had fallen in front of her eyes. 

So she’s asleep.

His eyes dart towards their things lumped together beside her feet-- their backpacks sitting atop an A4-size sketchbook along with the last unopened beer can.

Porco idly clinks his finger against the top of the beer can he had just emptied as he breathes out a wistful sigh.

Somehow, she always reminded him of his long-gone brother. Not to say that she shared even a bit of Marcel's fairly easygoing yet charming demeanor. Because she was far from that. She was loud with a crude mouth-- more like Porco himself, really-- except that she at least was kinder, more pleasantly charismatic towards other people than himself. And in that way, yes, she did remind him of Marcel. But there were other things-- pastimes and memories that reminded him of his brother when she came to mind. They’d known each other even as kids. Back in middle school, Porco remembers how she’d visit their home on the weekends so the three of them could build a Lego city which Marcel himself had drafted on the back of one of his sketchbooks. Those two were always quite the artists even as kids-- Porco recalls fondly. His brother had been the one to introduce her to Porco during one of those weekends. He didn’t like it at first-- how Marcel would seem to pay more attention to her at times as they animatedly sketched parts of the city on paper in the middle of assembling the Lego blocks. He’d eventually learned to be tolerant of her presence at least as the weekends passed by and the city gradually came to life-- vast with skyscrapers, houses, trees, vehicles, and lamp posts. Porco distinctly remembers building a garden with her beside a house that resembled the Galliard residence. He had assembled the green pieces that resembled leaf blades onto the flat Lego board, while she topped them off with tiny colorful flower pieces. It was honestly quite fun and it became a thing he eventually looked forward to on the weekends with Marcel.

But all things come to an end and at times, at points where they feel like they’re not supposed to. Porco knows this well.

In Marcel’s old room, the city remains hidden away, unfinished.

It was on a rainy day when Marcel had met an accident on his way home with a schoolmate. Onlookers had witnessed him racing against the red light to push Reiner away from the path of an incoming vehicle.

Even if it was an accident, Porco despises Reiner after that. He'd decided to never talk to him after the incident but as fate would ridiculously have it, they’d meet again in high school-- as classmates, nonetheless, to his dismay.

It was after this same incident that Porco had grown closer to her-- the only other person who possibly knew Marcel almost nearly as he himself did. She knew about the city and she knew about his sketches, after all. In the first few days after his brother’s wake, they’d simply talk about Marcel as they walked home together after school and how they both missed him. Those walks home would eventually involve detours at the nearest Mcdonald’s where they’d get nuggets and buy a Happy Meal-- the ones that came in flimsy cardboard packaging printed with colorful cartoon mascots-- for the sake of getting the collectibles that came with them. It was a thing they never really grew out of. Even now, as college kids, whenever they’d find themselves eating out together at the nearest Mcdonald’s after their Philosophy classes scheduled on Tuesdays and Thursdays, they’d get themselves a Happy Meal, even if they sometimes earned puzzled looks from the cashier as they engaged in quick, petty quarrels as to which collectible they should get.

Soon, Porco feels her shuffle in her seat beside him, the weight of her head now off his shoulder. She rubs the sleep off her eyes with a yawn.

“...should go home,” she drawls, accidentally kicking one of the empty beer cans sprawled in front of them on the concrete. It lands right at the feet of a passer-by who in turn shoots her a cold glare before kicking the can back in her direction. "I-- hey, uh, sorry about that," she apologizes, louder than necessary. Said passer-by only clicks their tongue in annoyance as they raised a middle finger at her before walking away with a muffled swear under their breath.

She exchanges incredulous, befuddled looks with Porco for a few silent moments before eventually letting out a snort and bursting into a fit of stupidly drunken laughter with him. 

“...is what I mean… fucking capitalism... makesnasshole out ofveryone,” she remarks, broken phrases drawn out in between chuckles. “Yeah, yeah. I got it for the tenth time,” Porco says, laughing with a roll of his eyes. He stands up and stretches out a hand in front of her. “Now can we go home? Can’t exactly start a revolution when the alcohol’s fucked you up that bad,” he says with an impatient sigh.

“Yeah? How do you know? Did Karl Marx write that?” She languidly takes his hand.

“No, but-- fucking… well, I don’t know. Maybe? Indirectly? I mean, we did just give in to consumerism,” Porco says with a sharp click of his tongue as he pulls her up to stand.

“Well… yeah. I guess so.”

“Anyway.” Porco places a palm at the top of her head and urges her to face him. “You seem more out of it than me. I’m walking you home this time, alright?

”She shrugs languidly. “Sure, whatever,” she says, her words muffled as she falls face first into his chest. 

--

“Give me the fucking keys,” he says coarsely after her third failed attempt at unlocking the door to her own flat. In the dim light of the hall, Porco tries to make out the shape of what he recognizes as the right one among the five keys dangling from her keychain. He sighs, frustrated as he finally unlocks the door. 

“How the hell did you--?” Confused, she eyes the keys still dangling from the door. “Why wouldn’t it open when it was me?”

“For the love of--” Porco runs a palm down across his face with an exasperated sigh. “You were forcing the wrong key.”

“Oh.” She snorts trying to stifle a chuckle. Porco pulls the keys from the door and hands them to her along with the sketchbook he’d been carrying.

“Thanks.” She gives the door a light push before finally taking a step into the flat. And then a sudden stop. She pockets her keys and lets the sketchbook fall on the carpeted floor of the foyer. She tilts her head pensively for a few moments, staring blankly at the darkness of her room. Porco raises an eyebrow in confusion. She turns on her heel to face him again.

“What is it?” he asks.

She stands on the tips of her toes, eyeing Porco with what felt to him like newfound curiosity. She rests a hand on his shoulder to steady herself.

Her other hand soon reaches up to cradle the side of his face. It comes as a surprise, but not the kind that made you flinch or visibly react in some way. This was simply… unexpected. Weird. And somehow new.

She’s looking at me. And she’s looking like she’s waiting.

And what is she waiting for, exactly? He feels a nervous lump in his throat, swallows it down. He has half the mind to lean his face closer as he, too, looks at her-- and he looks at her like he’s waiting.

Alas, whatever this is-- it ends where it feels like it’s not supposed to.

“‘Night, Porco,” she says with a feeble smile before falling back flatly on her feet.

“Yeah. You too. I’ll see you around,” he says, tentatively glancing at his side.She crouches down to lazily pick up the sketchbook before finally entering her flat again. Porco catches her giving him a tiny wave through the crack of the door moments before she completely pushes it closed. He bids her goodbye with a curt nod.

Once the door closes, he rolls up the sleeve of his jacket to check the time. 

3:15 AM. Porco raises a palm to his cheek. The ghost of her touch lingers on his skin.

***

“Are you serious?” Porco scoffs. “Y/N, you’re not even watching the film.” He leans his head against his palm with his arm resting on the side of the couch.

“Sure I am,” she says, unpinning her hair before letting her head fall on his lap. As she types out a message on her phone, Porco manages to make out Pieck’s name at the top of the chat box.

“You keep checking your phone.”

“It’s fine. We’ve both seen this film before anyway. I told you-- I’m just rewatching it for my paper on Nietzsche.”

“So you dragged me into this for what?”

She gives a halfhearted shrug. “I don’t know. Felt like it. Just wanted to bother you for a good film.” She finally sets aside her phone to look up at Porco with a shit-eating grin. He sighs and flicks a finger against her forehead. “Ow. What the fuck.”

“At least try to look like you’re actually watching,” Porco says, turning her head to face the TV screen.

"Fine, fine," she says with a grimace as she kneads the pain away on her forehead.

They’re now about an hour into Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. As lovers Joel and Clementine ran through the memories-- hand in hand mapping the history of their relationship-- the ups and downs-- scenes of the two playfully mocking the film at a drive-in theater, a stroll through the flea market leading into talks of having a child, lovemaking underneath the covers as Clementine told Joel about her insecurities rooting from childhood-- all these small intimacies that nonetheless revealed to each other their flawed, detestable selves along with reasons they probably shouldn’t be together, Porco realizes it. 

He looks at her, notes the way the flicker of the TV screen daintily lit up her solemn face and how she’d break into a smile every now and then. She’d brush the back of her hand against his knee and point at the TV screen to tell him that this was among her favorite parts so he absolutely had to pay close attention. A bit funny considering she was the one who wasn’t paying much attention to the film during the first part, Porco thinks. At least she’s watching now, even as he can’t help but watch her instead.

As he absentmindedly brushes a hand against her hair, he wonders if they could be something more, wonders if they’d be anything like Joel and Clementine-- imperfect, but nonetheless worthwhile. They’d known each other since they were kids and he can definitely make a list of things he doesn’t like about her-- like the way she’s too loud and frisky and never seemed to take the right things seriously, how scatterbrained she was that she’d forget the schedule for a midterm exam and how her room always seemed to be in shambles, the way she was so stubborn she’d easily get upset at something as simple as choosing to eat at a fast food different from the one she insisted on, how she’d smoke in his dorm no matter how many times he’d told her that she could get him in trouble for it. But it's not like he's perfect either. She’d told him that he came on too headstrong at times and that’s why a lot of people felt intimidated by him-- a trait that had gotten him into fights and eventually, long afternoons of detention back in high school. She says she hates the way he thought himself too strong to cry in front of anyone and how he’d grown dismissive of opening up to her as they got older. Whenever they’d get into heated fights, she’d tell him that all you ever are is angry and how he was pretty shit at saying sorry like he meant it. And despite all of these, they had remained close friends over the years. They’d promised each other that they’d get better-- slowly, but surely-- even if that was something easier said than done. He could live with that. He would.

***

“Hey, uh--” Porco breathes out a puff of smoke as he hands her the cigarette. He gazes distantly at the parade of city lights before them-- from the headlamps of the vehicles passing below them on the bridge, the streetlights, and the buildings overhead. “--do you still like Pieck?”

She suddenly lets out a cough and a puff of smoke at that. She gapes at Porco incredulously.

“Pock, it’s been three years since we broke up. And that was high school.”

“Look, I know that, but--” he sighs. “I was just wondering.”

She laughs. “That’s not really what you wanted to ask, is it? There’s something else.” She raises an eyebrow at Porco. He rolls his eyes at that, irked at how easily she could read him. “So ask.” She passes him the cigarette and he takes a drag of it.

“Ok--” he says with a sigh. “--Have you liked any other girls after her?”

She raises an eyebrow, intrigued.

“No, not really. Nothing serious, at least. I mean, I did have a crush on this girl who sat beside me in English class during freshman year. But... that was freshman year, you know? Nothing ever really came of it. And you know I would have told you if something actually did, anyway."

“I see.”

“There’s more you want to ask,” she says with a cheeky smile.

“Ok. Fine.” Another drag of the cigarette. “How about-- boys? Have you liked any guy at all since then?” The city lights blur against the filter of smoke. Porco refuses to meet her eyes even as he feels her gaze on him-- heavy with something he could not exactly put his finger on. He knows she’s not smiling anymore and from his periphery, he thinks he senses a swallow in her throat. She turns to the city overhead.

“Yes, actually.” She takes the cigarette from him, smiling fondly upon the light brush of their fingers. “I-- you know, even though I’ve known for a long time that I liked both guys and girls, I still find myself doubting that sometimes. When I’m attracted to a girl, I sometimes think that maybe I was just gay all along. And now that I find myself actually liking a boy again, a part of me entertains the thought that maybe me liking girls was just a phase and maybe I was straight all along. But... I just know it’s not like that. And yet, what people say still gets to me-- they’ve got a way of making you think that being bi isn’t a real thing. Even though it is. I know because... I’m real, right?”

“Yeah. You are. You’re… you’re here.” The corner of his lips turn up as he says it. “I get it. I mean, I think I’m the same.”

“Really?” She turns to gape at him.

“I suppose I’ve never told you this either because it’s so fucking embarrassing, but…” He sighs defeatedly, kneading his temples with unease. “...I made out with Reiner in high school.”

She regards him with a scandalized look.

“Dude, what the fuck. I thought you hated the guy.” 

“I do, alright? It’s just that… teenage hormones and shit. I was stupid and he’s stupid. I-- I don’t know what I was thinking that time. But… I do wonder sometimes--” He scratches his head tentatively. “--what my brother was thinking rushing in to save him from that accident. Like… just what did he see in that meathead that was worth saving?”

“And did you find your answer to that when you were making out?”

Porco eyes her with a deathly glare.

“Fuck you.” 

“Oh, so you did,” she says with an impish grin.

Porco flicks a finger against her forehead.

“Ow-- hey! Stop that,” she says with a grimace. “I mean, I don’t blame you. Reiner’s hot.”

He clicks his tongue at the remark before hastily seizing the cigarette from her grasp to take another drag. "Not like he's the only guy I ever found ho-- I mean liked."

She laughs.

"We should head back," he says coldly.

"Sure.” She nods. “Though… is there anything else you wanted to ask?"

As the filter of smoke hangs between them, Porco wonders about the boy she likes.

He shakes his head. "No. It's nothing."

***

“It was like deja vu,” Porco says, sighing into his phone as he shifts to lie near the edge of his bed. “Except in this dream… before she said goodnight, we, uh--”

“You kissed?” Pieck suggests from the other line.

“Well… yeah.” He puts a palm to cover his face, feeling the flush on his cheeks as he says it.

“So you like her,” Pieck says, almost breaking into a chuckle.

“I, uh…”

“I get it. She’s charming and reminds you of Marcel.”

“That’s…”

“I’ll be honest with you.” She sighs and Porco senses a smile from her tone. “Remember when I said I broke up with her because uni was getting too busy? The truth is that… I feel like you two always seemed to get along better than I ever could with her-- and it probably has to do with Marcel. When I realized that, I’ll admit I did start to feel jealous. I thought back then that you two might eventually get together. After all, you two were both still in high school, while I was already away in uni. It left me distraught for months so I just... decided to break it off. Don’t get me wrong, though. It’s been years and it’s not like I haven’t dated anyone else since then. And in hindsight, that just might have been for the best. I mean, you confiding in me about her right now-- I think-- is a testament to that. Because you realized it too, didn’t you?”

“Oh." He pauses. "I never thought that you-- Pieck, look, I--”

“Pock, if you feel guilty about it just because I used to date her, don’t. It’s not anyone’s fault. That… that she just loved you first. It’s circumstance. She met you and Marcel first before me.”

That she loved you first. As Porco echoes the words in his head, he becomes acutely aware of the beating in his chest and the warmth swarming his face. He buries his face in a pillow and screams into it.

“Hey, Pock? You ok there?” Pieck chuckles.

“How do I-- you think I should tell her?”

“Well, it’s the honest thing to do. And I genuinely think you don’t stand to lose much by doing so. Even if by the littlest chance of her not returning your feelings, I don’t think confessing would ruin your friendship. Might be a little awkward at first, but I don’t think she’ll end up hating or avoiding you at all.”

“You sure you’re not just sayi--”

“No, Pock. I’m not just saying this because we’re friends. I’m saying it because it’s what makes sense.”

“Ok, well… thanks,” he sighs. “And by the way… I’m sorry I called you this early. I know you’re probably busy especially since it’s your thesis year.”

“It’s fine. I’m glad you told me. Frankly, I do find satisfaction in knowing my speculations are correct. And you guys… you two are more predictable than you think-- if I’m being honest,” Pieck laughs.

“Well, I suppose being predictable isn’t so bad… if you’re right.”

Once they bid each other goodbye on the phone, Porco remains sprawled across the bed staring blankly at the ceiling. He rests a palm on his cheek, internally cursing Marcel as he feels the warmth streaming his face once again.

***

“Fuck,” Porco swears under his breath as they both ran towards the car, their feet splashing against the puddled ground as the rain cascades. A looming thunder rolls across the night sky as they make it to the safety of the vehicle.

“So… still not convinced that trying to get a Happy Meal on a rainy Friday at midnight was a bad idea?” Porco says, trying to catch his breath as he sets down the paper bag on the space between their seats.

“Well, I’ll admit it kinda sucked that you had to have your car still parked in school. And in my defense, I didn't expect the drizzle to cascade so soon on the way back. But you know what? It’s fine. We got what we needed and that’s all that matters. I’ll stand by this being a good idea.” She laughs as she peels off her drenched jacket. “Oh, by the way, where can I put this?”

“Just put it in the backseat,” Porco says as he peeled off his own jacket.

“Got it. Here, give me yours too,” she says before turning to place both of their drenched jackets in the backseat.

“Thanks.” Porco switches on the car’s dome light and the windshield wipers. The car’s interior now warmly lit, he rummages inside the paper bag, then hands her a box of chicken nuggets along with a plastic fork. “You want the fries now or later?”

“Later’s good. Thanks.” Porco acknowledges her with a nod, then leans back on the car seat with a languished sigh.

The rain patters incessantly against the windows over the rhythm of the windshield wipers. The faint yellow glow lulls from the ceiling of his car. He recalls a rainy evening spent staring out the window as he nervously waited for Marcel to come home. A distant memory weighs heavy on his eyelids.

“Porco. Are you ok?”

“What? Yeah.” Porco shifts lightly in his seat, slightly startled. “I just… remembered something.”

“What is it?”

“The rain. It just reminded me of Marcel.”

“Oh. Right.”

“Yeah.”

“You know, he was…” She puts down her food and lightly wipes the sides of her mouth with the back of her hand. “Back then, I considered him as something a little more than a best friend. I like that he liked my drawings and how he never made fun of them… even though he was ways better than me at it,” she recalls fondly.

He scoffs. “So… are you guilt-tripping me for something I said about your drawings when we were twelve?”

“You were an asshole, but you should be glad I’m past that.” She rolls her eyes with a sigh. “All I’m saying now is that Marcel was... really special to me.”

“What-- did you have a crush on Marcel or something?”

She snorts. “You could say... it was something like that. Yeah.”

Figures. He nonchalantly crosses his arms in front of his chest. The pattering rain fills in the lull in their conversation.

“I like your drawings too,” he finally says.

“That’s why I drag you along every time I go out to draw. You like watching me, right?” She teasingly raises an eyebrow as she says it.

“Well, sure.” He shrugs awkwardly in his seat.

“Tell me. What else do you like?”

“I don’t know. Let’s see…” he sighs, feigning annoyance with a roll of his eyes. “I like it when I’m in the middle of pulling an all-nighter at Tim Hortons… and you go on and disturb me just to get a Happy Meal on a rainy Friday midnight.”

“Yeah?” she chuckles. “What else?”

Porco turns to glance at her. As she meets him with a playful grin, his mind races with answers.

I like it when you steal my jacket and you leave me to freeze to death in the cold of the cafe’s AC. I like it when you go on a chaotic, semi-coherent drunken rant about how badly you want capitalism dismantled. I like it when you remember Marcel. I like your hair. I like how your hands unpin your hair before you rest your head on my lap.

He scoffs-- more in reaction to his own thoughts than at her teasing. Who knew he could be that embarrassingly sappy? “What are you… getting at?”

“Nevermind.” She shakes her head, still smiling. She laughs while timidly raising a palm to her cheek. “Can we share your fries now?”

***

“So I’m thinking of getting a tattoo,” Porco says, settling himself on the dormitory steps faintly lit by the porch lights hanging on both sides of the entrance.

“Cool. So where do you want it?” She sits beside him while setting down her things-- a shoulder bag and a sketchbook on the concrete step.

“I was just thinking on my arm,” he says, pointing a finger at a spot on his skin.

“What do you want it to look like?”

“Not sure yet.”

“I could draw you one.”

“Yeah?”

“Sure. I could do it right now.”

“Really?”

She takes the ballpoint pen out of the spring of her sketchbook and begins to doodle something on his arm. Covering her drawing with a cupped palm, she chuckles while mischievously peering up at him.

“I swear to god, if you’re drawing something embarrassing-- Oh, fuck you.” Porco laughs, managing to take a peek at the ink drawing of a cartoon porcupine with the hair on its head stylishly pushed back. Below the drawing, it writes 'porcopine.' He pulls his arm away from her grasp.

"What? You don't like it?" She grimaces.

"Porcopine? Really?"

“What? It's cute,” she says with an offended click of her tongue, reaching for his arm once again.

Below the word 'porcopine,' she then writes the phrase 'i <3 you.'

Porco furrows his brows upon reading the phrase, then lets out a chuckle. “What does this--?” he asks, pointing out the inked words on his skin.

“What do you mean? It is what it is.”

“You mean it?”

“Of course I do.”

“How do you mean it?”

She tilts her head pensively and squints at Porco as she gathers how to describe exactly what she meant. She supposes that he’s right-- a clarification was indeed necessary. This kind of thing could get confusing, after all. When you’ve known each other for so long in a relationship such as this, lines tend to blur. One day, you could both feel like the bestest of friends, and then like lovers the next.

“I mean it in a way that I wouldn’t mind marrying you.”

“Oh.” Porco gapes at her for a moment. “Ok,” he says, letting out an awkward chuckle.

“What’s with that reaction? I’m serious, Pock.”

“I just… I mean, to be honest…” He furrows his brows, carefully pondering his words. “I wouldn’t mind marrying you either.” Porco scratches his head sheepishly.

“Ok then,” she chuckles, shifting in her seat to face him. “We could build something. Something bigger than a Lego house. Maybe one with a garden. A story with a perfect ending.”

“Yeah? And if it’s not perfect, what then?”

“Something worthwhile, then. An ending that feels like an ending.”

“Ok. I can live with that,” he laughs.

“Porco.”

As she cradles his face in between her palms, Porco becomes acutely aware of the flush in his cheeks.

Then, slowly, she leans closer to gingerly place a kiss at the tip of his nose.

They soon find themselves both chuckling at what was probably the most blatantly romantic gesture between them thus far.

“So, uh, what are we now, exactly?” he asks awkwardly as they soon pull away.

She shrugs. “Lovers? Best friends who would marry each other? Though the latter is kind of a mouthful if you ask me.”

“Yeah. Let’s go with that first one.”

“Say, Porco.” She tilts her head questioningly at him. “You want to tell me how this night ends?”

“How the hell should I--”

She puts a finger to his lips and shakes her head. “Hey. Lovers now, remember? I’m not the only one telling this story. So tell me.”

“Ok. Let’s see,” he sighs. And so he indulges her. “It ends with you beside me. We’re lying down on my bed.”

“Clothed or naked?”

He gapes. “Are you seriously even consi--”

She flicks a finger against his forehead as she regards him with a mischievous smile. “Just answer the question.”

“Ok, fine,” he resigns, lightly kneading his forehead. “Look, I want to say naked because my AC’s broken ri--”

“Naked it is, then.”

“Clothed.” He glares. “For tonight.”

“Fine, fine,” she says, scratching her head in resignation. “You sure you’re not having second thoughts about letting me stay tonight, though? Not worried you might wake up with a bunch of porcopines on your face? Or I don’t know-- dick drawings?”

“Fuck off,” he says with a chuckle.

“So… what is it, really? You want me to stay or you want me to go?”

Porco sighs before slowly leaning his face closer to hers.

“I want you to stay,” he says against her cheek, before placing a chaste kiss on her skin. “Whatever I wake up to in the morning, I’m sure it’s worth it.”