#it's harder sometimes to not be myself to have to analyze all the desires i want to spill

[dommecat]

I just want sweet snuggles. Kissing you until you can't think, to distract us both. Gently plying you open with my fingers, slow and careful. Taking my mind off myself by making you feel amazing. Fucking into you, slowly adding fingers until you're not sure you can take it, then adding one more anyways. Making you come all over my hand. Please, pet. I just want your gorgeous, gorgeous pleasure.

[phyyyyysics]

After finishing Doctor Who during Moffat's run, I think I see a pattern here for most (but not all) of his female characters choices in Doctor Who & Sherlock. I know people have already analyzed this before, but I want to do it myself so here we go.

There are primary three categories:

1. The first is the generic and the normal ones, according to him. Characters like Amy, Donna (silence in the library episode) from Doctor Who, Mary from Sherlock. These are the characters that will always stand with the good people, never straying, and whose life long dream is to settle down and have children. Mary of course is an outlier, because she had shot Sherlock and broke John's trust. But in the final season, it turned out that her hands had been forced, and she had been good all along.

For me, I think wanting to settle down to have a family of course is not necessarily a bad thing. I can't say for Mary and Amy because I couldn't relate to them personally, however, Donna's storyline in the Silence in the Library didn't sit well with me. When she was saved by the Computer, it sort of simulated a life that it thought she wanted. One where she had two beautiful children and a dotting husband. The problem here lies in the fact that she had been ridiculed and thought to be loud and brash and stupid all her life, and had been a temp for a long time. She literally ran to the TARDIS the second time she met the Doctor because she didn't like the life she had had, or the life her mom has been pressuring her to have. Can you see how reluctant she has been to pursue anything really? Do you really think her life-long dream, her secret desire is still to settle down and become a wife to someone? Maybe, but not before taking the chance to see the Universe with the Doctor. I actually have a feeling that finding a husband might have been on her list, but she could be doing that more out of obligation and societal expectations. Again, it's not a bad thing to want a family, but there's a recurring theme for his character choices that I can't help notice.

2. Second are the women who are smart and resourceful. These are the characters that are most of the time portrayed as sexy and intelligent, and most of all above all the others. Characters like Irene Adler and Mary (a little bit) in Sherlock, River and Clara in Doctor Who. I think there are many discussions we can have about the definition of strong, female, characters. However, I agree with many others that these women's lives all revolve around one man. And even if they are smart enough, we have to remember there will be one guy who can still tell them otherwise: which are Sherlock and the Doctor respectively.

3. The third type of women in Steven Moffat's writings are those who are too intelligent they become unpredictable and sometimes downright inhuman. Characters like Eurus in Sherlock, Missy in Doctor Who are in this category. They are extremely smart and morally questionable characters, and certainly, they have a lot of potential to explore. However, they are almost too smart that it becomes harder to relate to them. And since I don't think Moffat really knows how to deal with them, they are either put in a cage when they are being "naughty", or out of the cage at their male counterpart's side when they finally decide to stand with them, to be "good".

By the way, there is one addition that I think is relevant. It is fucking funny that with the way he wrote these women, they are most of the time too put together to really have any story to tell. From first glance, you wouldn't be able to really see what their backgrounds were like and what's on their minds, and as the story progressed nothing really developed. Since this is not good for story telling, he would give you some (in my opinion) unnecessary stories to compensate the lack of substances, such as family drama TM (the whole John and Mary arguments), or the boyfriend drama TM (why didn't you approve my choice of a boyfriend, Doctor? & OMG my boyfriend just been run over by cars because I said "I love you" to him). Those back and forth we didn't really see coming to distract us from the facts. However, this makes a lot of the stories feel disjointed and the time jump between episodes sometimes doesn't make sense. Also when the dramas are added, some audience (normally cis straight guys) can be like look, the main guys don't really care to deal with them and in comparison are way cooler, these girls just needed to be put in their places.

In conclusion, most of the women written by him are either categorized as:

(1) normal girls will -> get pregnant

(2) Smart & sexy powerful women will -> get beaten by the main character (who are always white, more superior and smarter)

(3) Unpredictable brainiacs (who deserve better) will-> get put into dungeons and cages 'cause they are crazy and "bad" (as in their beliefs are not aligned with the hero's). Oh and sometimes they can be sexy, too

[sweetofsin]

anyway. i think it was yesterday that i started to slowly just feel not great, exhausted, depleted, depressed. and i was wondering why? oftentimes it's so easy for me to blame it on my body like oh maybe it's something cycle related, maybe because i'm not getting enough sleep, etc.

and of course those don't help the issue either... but it's also like. girl. you need people. you need friends. and yes, it's wonderful and beautiful to be able to talk to people online and in your phone, but you also need to *see* people. not just people out of obligation or because you have to. and family doesn't count either because it comes with all this baggage, past and present. you need to experience and be around people that you genuinely want to be around. that you feel comfortable with

like at my job, it's not super horrible but i still have to mask (to a certain extent.) none of them knows i'm gay, i don't feel comfortable sharing a lot of personal or private details because everyone shares things and talks too much. my coworkers are kind to me which is cool but you know. that's about it. i don't feel seen by any of them, most are there to gossip and get a check. that's about it

it's hard too cause sometimes i forget how necessary it is to go outside to places you love and enjoy and experience life with beautiful beings—because sometimes it takes a while before it really hits me. and then when it hits me, it starts spiraling downhill pretty quickly because it's already been so long, you know? i am trying to get better at that habit so that way it feels more balanced. but i also don't blame myself too much because in order to meet people and go out, you need money... a car... some type of transportation... and then you need people you genuinely enjoy and want to desire to go out with as well

it's also hard because sometimes i forget that life is not enjoyable when you're experiencing crumbs. you shouldn't have to force yourself and your body to be like, "well i should be happy because at least i have x!" like, gratitude is beautiful and important, indeed. it can be very easy to take things for granted in a world that teaches us to constantly compare and strive for more, when more isn't always better.

simultaneously, it's like. why am i shocked that even if my life doesn't feel extremely horrible right now, i'm slowly becoming depressed? it happens like this almost every time lol it's like i will expect for me to only feel genuinely depressed and exhausted when so many things are occurring or i'm experiencing a crisis. it's also an intellectualization thing too like, trying my best to just push through and understand and then when my body is like, "okay yeah we understand why these things are occurring but that doesn't mean you will emotionally feel completely fine and happy about it" is like, oh! right. yes.

alexithymia also doesn't help cause i'll literally have to sit there and analyze what is happening in my life to figure out why is my body So Exhausted and feeling so Weird and it's like, oh. right. yes. i see now

anywayz.... yes i'm allowed to experience depression and exhaustion—even if it doesn't feel like my life is in extreme shambles (especially compared to what i experienced earlier this year). if i'm literally missing out on core needs that makes most humans happy, then it makes sense that i would not... feel happy.

i believe i constantly underestimate the power that comes with experiencing life with people you love, making memories that are not just through the digital. although i do underestimate it less and less, because i've been lucky enough to have more experiences of what it's like to live life with people, so it becomes harder to ignore when my body is like, "babe! you need someone, rn. like... literally now. and you also need to go out and experience life. and places. not just laying in bed for most of the days and then wondering why your muscles and your body is cramping up. or wondering why you're depressed when your days have been similar on repeat and all you mainly know is the four walls of your house or your job."

one of the things that does suck is that connections take time to build 🙄 and i be wanting to speed run that shit sometimes because i'm like ughhhh but i want us to cry on each others shoulders and be excited and be super curious right now.... not some unprecedented amount of time later.... but i'm also completely okay with not speed running connections in praxis because tired of that experience and also it genuinely just sucks lmao

[palomahasenteredthechat]

Maybe I’m wrong here but is the “change” really that drastic? Or unexpected? After doing things for a while you get accustomed to it. When things are no longer new you’re not gonna pretend to be amazed by it, it’s human nature. He’s an actor who wants to stay employed just like we all do, and sometimes you gotta pull a few strings and play a few of the cards that have just fell into your hand to do it. its fun, it’s also work, he’s doing his job. It’s not always nice and glamorous, but neither is life.

I think the core of this is a lot bigger than just some guy. A lot of people on here (myself included) grew up at the peak of what I call the “marketable boyfriend” phenomenon a lot of young (usually male) stars went through in the 80’s-2000’s. Basically every young attractive teeny-bopper guy had to have the cutesy, sweet, always available, always mailable persona (it happens to women too, read “The Girl: A rhetoric of desire by Ann K. Clark. That’s essentially what im getting at here). It was like playing Barbies but with real people. They were meant to be blank slates for people to project their desires on. But people are not blank slates, they’re going to have flaws and imperfections that you’d rather ignore because nobody likes to admit how messy of a species we are. We’re hard to understand, and we’re afraid of things we don’t understand. And slowly slowly it’s becoming harder and harder to ignore that because when you have THIS MUCH access to people (via the internet and whatnot) that we’ve never had before, you get to see a full picture when you’ve only been given snippets of it the entire time. It’s like if you showed someone Picasso’s Guernica but only showed them a cropped version with one of the faces, then they went to a museum to see the real thing and realized there’s way more going on. It’s gonna shock them a bit, they’re gonna feel all sorts of things (Guernica is a hell of an image) but it’s a complete picture, with a complete story. And that to me is a lot more interesting and worth analyzing than a single face.

I think this is a very thoughtful analysis of it. I do feel like his energy is completely different though. But there are many reasons why that might be the case, and we've kind of talked about it.

It will be interesting to see what the fall brings.

[a-witches-riddle]

I know lately I’ve been very big into self-positivity and such, and looking at the bright side of things, but it’s not as easy of a task as I make it out to be. Honestly, some days are still awful. Sometimes I feel like I want to stay in bed and hide from the world, I want to sleep for an entire day and wake up the next one, that for once I want to have no responsibilities or stressors, and turn my brain off. Days like today are a great reminder that the path to healing is a non-linear, curved, winding, and sometimes backtracking path. And to speak truthfully, that’s okay. Sometimes I’m allowed to feel aimless, to wander blindly unsure of what I’m doing or why, to be allowed to sit in and think about the negative emotions. To cry, to dissociate, to feel pain. All of those feelings belonging to an incredibly large spectrum of emotions, which is only normal to feel in.

Today I’ve been struggling with overthinking again. I used to be a major overthinker, letting my anxiety, depression, and overattachments dictate and rule my every thought, crippling me and affecting any relationships I’ve had. Lately it’s been tempered, a lot of which thanks to permanence in my life that’s kept me bound to reality, alongside some hard learned lessons and damn near close calls. But today has been troublesome for me. I felt locked in my thoughts, over analyzing potential flaws, mistakes, defects in my personality, anything I could try to “fix” and make better, which proceeded to lead me into a rabbit hole of a mild identity crisis. Stuck with a confusion of what I want to be, and a feeling of a deep emptiness in my chest.

I suppose the identity crisis of what I want to be comes from a personal feeling of inadequacy. That I’m not capable of achieving what I want to do, leading me to give up before I even started. Objectively, from an unbiased lens, I know I’m capable of many things that I could set my mind to, but a part of me still has this nagging feeling that if I don’t get it right the first time, I can’t do it at all. But my stubbornness and almost a feeling of spitefulness keeps me going, almost to prove myself and others that I’m capable of these things, that I’m not a failure and that I’m more than what I seem. I deserve to be allowed to pursue what I want, to engage in whatever I desire. The courage to gather to actually achieve these things is hard, but it’s never an easy journey, is it?

And for my feelings of emptiness… That’s a harder one to quantify. What do I really want that could fill that perceived hole? Why is that feeling a thing in the first place? I suppose the feelings are garnered from myself, circling back to over-analyzing myself, I feel as though lately I’ve held myself to a high standard, a necessity when it comes to keeping myself in check. Maybe I still don’t fully trust myself to not make fatal mistakes, that with the permanence that I have left I could still slip back into old habits and behaviors, and torch what I still have left. And that’s really it, isn’t it? The feeling of dissatisfaction of what I don’t have. But would that even fill the pit of emptiness? Or would the more I add just be more distractions to try and fill the hole? I feel a burning sense of longing, to be wanted, needed, cared for. And I have that, in spades. I love my partner more than anything, they’ve helped me pick up the pieces from the worst times of my life, and their love being the glue to keep me together long enough to get my own. I have to take solace in the fact that I was the one who made the decision to put myself back together. Healing can only truly come from within, and that’s something to take pride in.

So what has this rambling amounted to? Maybe a thought spill to garner some added self reflection. And maybe act as a window for others to see, maybe in some minuscule way my inner thoughts and feelings can help someone else pick up the pieces of their own lives. That they can find the confidence to pursue what they want, to find the love they need. Maybe life doesn’t end when you feel like you break. You just need someone to catch you when you fall.

And at the end of the day, it’s okay to feel bad. That your emotions are valid, and that you matter. We all have our good and our bad days. Sometimes we have a lot of one in a row, sometimes it’s a mix, and that’s okay. You’re not broken for feeling bad. It’s only human. The best we can do is try.

[duckielover151]

A Little Rant About Rin

I cannot express how upsetting it is to me that with all the time Shippuden wasted with filler arcs that were genuinely pointless... We didn't get a single one exploring Rin's time as a ninja--her training, how she coped and tried to move on after losing Obito. Basically, I hate that Rin Nohara's entire character gets whittled down to being nothing more than a plot device, motivation for Obito to do what he does. (Like, damn, it's not that I don't know that the writing for the female characters in Naruto is bad, but it still manages to be striking sometimes just how bad it is.)

There are people who like to dismiss her as nothing more than the Sakura of Kakashi's generation, and I don't believe that. The evidence for my claims may mostly take place off-screen, but Rin's superiority is a hill I'm willing to die on.

One side of that coin is kindness.

That part's easier to defend, as Rin comes across as just being very sweet in general. There's no one she doesn't get along with, no one she's shown to judge for petty or superficial reasons. I'm sure I don't need to remind anyone that the same cannot be said of genin-era Sakura.

And honestly, that's also something pretty easy for me to forgive on Sakura's part. She was all of 12 years old at the time. And I love redemption stories. I enjoyed watching her grow into a better person, even if the journey was rough at times. I try not to hold a character's past against them too much when they do show a desire and willingness to change.

The other side of that coin is competence, and it's a bit harder to defend. For both sides, actually.

There's no doubt that Sakura was absolutely not ready to be a ninja at the point where she was sent out into the world. And while I may judge her for how long it took for her to even show an interest in her own training--rather than being content to stand around while everyone else risked their lives to protect her-- I will always argue that it was someone's actual job to judge whether she was ready. (What the fuck were you doing, academy teachers?)

And that gets a little dicey when analyzing Rin... because we hardly ever get to see her use the skills we have to assume she has. But I do think we see enough. I mean, she performs a very quick eye transplant-- which has to be a delicate surgery-- under extreme emotional duress. I don't think there can be any denying that she was a properly qualified medic before they sent her off to war.

And then, of course, let's not overlook the bravery she showed to be willing to sacrifice herself to protect the village.

Rin's just one of those characters I find myself reflecting on from time to time... And then it prompts rants like these about how she deserves so much more respect as a character. Even if she was a minor character. And then it irks me more to think that her own creator doesn't seem to appreciate the character he wrote.

Anyway. My original point was that if anyone in the Naruto series was deserving of her own backstory segment, it was Rin. And I just hate to think that the only way Kishimoto found to not fuck up Rin's character was to not write her at all.

[indepth-mbti]

This might be too specific, but as someone who’s believed themselves to be INFP their entire life, I’ve noticed the more I study cognitive functions that I generally prefer the feeling and intuitive functions over thinking and sensing. Since I’m an introverted intuitive type, I still find myself using Ni a lot. How do you tell if you’re genuinely a mistype, or if you simply have a well developed function that may not be in your stack?

Specifically, I’m starting to wonder if I may be an INFJ, which I know can seem absurd since it doesn’t share a single function with INFP, but it’s difficult to tell when I struggle to identify my thinking and sensing usage. My Fi, Ni, Ne and Fe are very apparent. I also find myself using Ti and Si more often than Se and Te. I find that the more I learn, the harder it is to objectively analyze myself. Sorry if you’re not really doing these kinds of asks, but I thought it’d be worth asking if you have any advice on the topic of self typing.

It's okay to be confused. I've been studying this theory for like 6 years and Fe and Si were hard for me to understand. Sometimes I think I won't ever truly understand high Fe users.

Most NF types have a hard time finding out their true type because they focus too much on their idealistic tendencies and are unable to sort out how their Ne+Fi emulates Ni or how their Ni+Fe emulates Fi.

What will help you to know if you're an INFP or an INFJ is to actually understand that cognitive functions are dualistic. Fi goes with Te and Ni goes with Se. This not only applies to the cognitive stack, but it also affects the meaning of the cognitivie functions. What does that mean? That you can't understand Fi without Te. What do you mean when you say that your Fi, Ni, Ne and Fe are very apparent? An apparent Fi always goes with an apparent poor/low/clumsy usage of Te. Fi doesn't make any sense without Te. Fi orients the cognition towards subjective and personal sources of feelings, its judgment is personal and they trace a strong bond with the decisions they make; Fi also desires independent and authentic self-expression, so they understand reality and the system as something separated from their individuality and their values (Te - objective structures of reasons).

And this applies to all 8 cognitive functions. Don't study functions as mere definitions; study them as a dualistic combination of patterns that explain how you process the outside world. There's always a pure relationship with the outer world (extraversion) behind how you're internalising your subjective impressions of it (introversion).

If you think that you also use Ti and Si, maybe your problem here is that you don't know how to properly spot your extraverted functions (which is a common problem in persons who lead with an introverted function).

I want to point out a thing you're saying here: you say that you "use" functions and that they appear to be "developed". It's hard for me to know if you're really using these cognitive patterns or if you're just analyzing your behavior and trying to make it fit the definition of Ni. But I want to add that we don't simply "use" functions; that functions are not buttons that we click on to do certain things, and of course "usage" doesn't mean development. Development doesn't occur naturally; it requires conscious effort - yes, even with the dominant function, nobody is born with a developed cognitive function.

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

𝑫𝒂𝒓𝒌 𝑲𝒊𝒔𝒔 𝑷𝒕.2 (𝑲𝒊𝒎 𝑯𝒐𝒏𝒈𝒋𝒐𝒐𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑲𝒂𝒏𝒈 𝒀𝒆𝒐𝒔𝒂𝒏𝒈) 𝑹𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒅

Part One

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐄𝐦𝐨/𝐆𝐨𝐭𝐡! 𝐊𝐢𝐦 𝐇𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐣𝐨𝐨𝐧𝐠 (𝐀𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐳)× 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 (𝐅𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞) × 𝐒𝐤𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐛𝐨𝐢! 𝐊𝐚𝐧𝐠 𝐘𝐞𝐨𝐬𝐚𝐧𝐠 (𝐀𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐳)

𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: 𝐒𝐦𝐮𝐭, 𝐅𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟, 𝐀𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭, 𝐂𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐠𝐞 𝐀𝐔

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: 𝐇𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐣𝐨𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐘/𝐍'𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐧 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐜𝐜𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐯𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐨 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐞.

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 𝟖.𝟓+𝐊

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: 𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐞/𝐧𝐢𝐩𝐩𝐥𝐞/𝐝*𝐜𝐤 𝐩𝐢𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬, 𝐬𝐞𝐱 𝐭𝐚𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐯𝐨𝐲𝐞𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐦, 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐛𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧, 𝐝𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧, 𝐞𝐱𝐡𝐢𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐬𝐦, 𝐛𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐠𝐞, 𝐨𝐫𝐚𝐥 𝐬𝐞𝐱 (𝐟𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠), 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞, 𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞 × 𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞 𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧, 𝐬𝐩𝐚𝐧𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐜𝐭 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲, 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲, 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐮𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧, 𝐮𝐧𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐝𝐨𝐮𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 (𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧), 𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐃𝐨𝐦! 𝐇𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐣𝐨𝐨𝐧𝐠, 𝐒𝐨𝐟𝐭 𝐃𝐨𝐦!/𝐒𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐘𝐞𝐨𝐬𝐚𝐧𝐠, 𝐒𝐮𝐛! 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐓𝐚𝐠 𝐋𝐢𝐬𝐭: @seacottons @little-precious-baby @speronyx @pirate-hongjoong @multidreams-and-desires @cloudyyeonnie

━━━━━ • ஜ • ❈ • ஜ • ━━━━━

Scrunching her eyes from the sliver of light protruding from the curtain that was left slightly open, Y/N let out a tired groan before pulling some of the navy blue blanket over her face. Feeling his lover shift in her sleep, Hongjoong slung his inked arm and placed it around her waist. Bringing his face forward, he placed a chaste kiss on her exposed shoulder.

"Morning beautiful." He greeted her with his usual manner of complimenting her.

"No........no morning..." She uttered, her voice sounding a little raspy and hoarse.

The dark ash grey male chuckled softly at her unwillingness to get up yet even though it was well past 11 a.m. His fingers traced around the dip of her hip as he hummed out a soft tune.

"Sweetheart, as much as I'd love to stay in bed and hold you for the rest of my life, you have class today and I'm needed at the shop later on." He reminded her.

Although she realized he was right, she still refused to budge and just stayed immobile. Letting out a sigh, he sat up and began to carefully turn her over to him, to which she let out a muffled whine. When she was fully turned on her back, her eyes fluttered open, her vision being blessed by the beauty of her dark and eccentric boyfriend who was donning his signature smirk as his eyes peered down at her, always seeming to stare right into her soul.

"Well? Are you ready to get up or am I going to have to get you ready myself?" He inquired, one eyebrow slightly lifted.

The warmth and comfort of the bed made her hesitant to want to leave. Reaching out, Y/N's hand slowly began tracing the outline of Hongjoong's collarbone.

"Why can't we just stay here?.....just for today? Stay and cuddle together..."

Trailing her hand down, her fingers grazed slightly over one of the piercings on his chest.

"Or .....we could do a few other things."

He let out a soft moan when she rolled his nipple between her thumb and index finger, eyes looking up at him suggestively while she bit down on her lower lip. Her other hand pushed the blanket, which was covering her, a little lower to further entice him. He could not look away at the sight of her wearing one of his many oversized band tees, his mind knowing fully well she wasn't wearing anything else underneath it. The end of it had risen up slightly that if she shifted around more, her entire bottom half would be exposed to him. When her hand threatened to go lower, he quickly caught it with his own.

"Naughty naughty kitten, trying to seduce me into fucking her into the sheets.."

Bending over, he captured her lips in a lazy and semi-messy kiss, his wet muscle poking out to lick across her upper lip.

"As if I didn't do enough of that last night."

Letting out a giggle, she let him wrap her legs around his waist before picking her up and walking towards the adjoining bathroom so they could get washed up and ready for the upcoming events in their day.

Outside in the kitchen, a handsome boy with dark brown hair and a sculpture like face pushed up the glasses resting on the bridge of his nose. His eyes loomed over the formulas and equations that were plastered all over the page. More than once he looked over at the notebook beside him, comparing and analyzing similarities and differences. His pencil was often tapping against the counter, following along to the beat of the song that was blasting from his phone. Occasionally, he'd find himself humming, or even singing along softly like he was currently doing at the moment.

"Fell in love with a girl at the rock show. She said what? And I told her that I didn't know..."

He had been sitting on that spot well over 3 hours, the blueberry bagel he had heated up for breakfast only had a single bite and remained untouched on a porcelain plate in front of his study materials. He let out a whispered curse under his breath as he couldn't seem to focus, his hand reaching up to rub at the side of his neck in frustration. Letting out a puff of air, he leaned back on the chair and stared at the ceiling, thinking about many things.

Hearing the doorknob of his roommate's turn, he was not fazed at all at seeing the [insert hair color] female come out.

"Oh. Morning Yeosang." She waved at him as she made her way into the kitchen, already rummaging through the cabinets like she usually did when she stayed over.

"Morning? It's practically noon." He pointed to the clock hanging by the wall.

Y/N simply ignored him and simply poured herself a bowl of cereal. Sitting down in front of the poker faced male, she made sure not to disturb him as he concentrated on the papers in front of him. After Hongjoong and her became official, she was ultimately forced to be introduced and sometimes even cohabite to a point with him since she now spent more time at their dorm than at her own place. Not that she minded. Yeosang was a very intriguing character. He was extremely quiet at first, but soon opened up to her and became more chatty with her, even more with her than his own roommate and friend. During one of their many conversations she found out he was a natural science major, focusing specifically on chemistry, which resulted more often than not in horrible puns involving the periodic table. He had a weird yet cute obsession with chicken, often wore either beanies or snapbacks backwards and had very similar music tastes like Hongjoong, which was the main reason why they ended up becoming friends, their music. However, Yeosang wasn't as deep, dark nor tattooed like her boyfriend.

Yeosang was a skater and the biggest clue was the skateboard he left on the side of the front door, the bottom of it decked out with various stickers he placed there. God forbid if anyone that wasn't him touched his baby, all hell would break loose, as Hongjoong himself learned one time. The man himself came out of his own room after he finished placing the finishing touches on his makeup. Sliding an arm around his girlfriend, he took in the state of his friend.

"Still taking 6 hours on a chemical reaction Yeosang?" Hongjoong snorted.

"Still taking longer than your girlfriend to put on eyeliner Hongjoong?" Yeosang retaliated, lips curving into a satisfied smile.

Another thing she loved about Yeosang: he was a straight up savage who could roast people harder than an oven.

Grumbling softly, Hongjoong placed a tiny peck on Y/N's lips.

"I have to go now babygirl. Meet me at the shop after class and we'll go home together." He told her.

"Which one? Hers or ours?" Yeosang snickered.

Making his way around the counter, Hongjoong held out his hand and flicked Yeosang on the head, causing him to utter an 'ow' at his ministration.

"And please try to get some air Yeo. You've been cooped up in these 4 walls too long."

After giving him a suggestion, Hongjoong was out the door and out of sight towards his part time job.

"Dark lord has no room to talk, before you came along, he'd only go out for school, work and booze." Yeosang shook his head.

Y/N giggled and got up to make her way out as well.

"He has a point. Besides, you've been stressed out recently. Why not hop on Emmy and take her out for a little spin?"

Y/N found it odd at first that Yeosang actually named his skateboard, but she figured she shouldn't have been so surprised. Hongjoong did a similar thing with his black Mustang. Closing, his textbook, Yeosang turned off the music playing on his phone and grabbed the earbuds sitting next to them.

"You know what? You're right. It doesn't look like it'll rain either."

Picking up her own bag, she followed Yeosang out the door, each of them headed towards a different direction.

"Try not to run anyone over this time." She called out to him.

"I don't run into people, they purposefully get in my way."

After waving goodbye to her, he placed the earbuds in, music already blasting full volume as he skated down the hallway, not caring about if it was allowed or not.

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The little twinkle of the bell chimed, letting Hongjoong know that someone had just come in. Although it was well past closing time, he knew very well who it was that just strolled through those doors. He didn't even look up from his task of wiping down and sanitizing his workplace.

"Hey handsome."

Unwillingly, he smiled softly at his girlfriend's words.

"Hey gorgeous." Finally looking up, he winked at her and caused her cheeks to heat up with a light shade of pink.

Clearing her throat, she asked if he was almost done, to which he affirmed that he was indeed.

"Just let me pack up my things and then we'll go to your place and cuddle." He began putting the tattoo needles, ink and tubes into a black case, making sure it was all neatly arranged and locked tightly.

"My place? But I bought chicken. I thought we could give some to Yeosang." She held up the plastic bag that contained their purchased dinner.

Slumping an arm around her waist, Hongjoong poked his bottom lip out.

"Sometimes I think you're more nice to Yeosang than me."

She shook her head at him and his cute and subtle jealous antics.

"Kim Hongjoong, are you jealous of Yeosang?" She teased him.

Pulling her against him, he whined softly as they made their way out of the tattoo parlor. He sighed as he locked up and punched in the security code.

"I'm not jealous of him....."

Walking over to his car, he made sure to open the door first for her as he usually did every time they went out.

"I'm just making sure you're still interested in me."

He held her hand the entire ride back to her place, even against her protests and lecture about safe driving. When she pulled her hand away so he could place it on the steering wheel, it instead rested on top of her thigh, pinching it softly at times, which resulted in Y/N's own hand smacking it for going too hard at times. Hongjoong just laughed and continued his obnoxious teasing on her, loving to annoy her and get her frustrated with him. When they pulled up to her place, she didn't even allow him to open the door for her. Instead, she sauntered off inside, closing the door behind her and locking it before he could get in.

"Haha very funny babe, now please open the door."

A minute passed but still she didn't respond. Hongjoong began pressing on the doorbell repeatedly. When that still didn't work, he called her, but he was sent directly to her voice mail.

"Aish! Seriously this girl..."

Hongjoong began pounding on the door.

"Yah L/N Y/N! Open this door right now missy! You want me to get angry with you?!"

On the other side of the door, Y/N cupped a hand over her mouth, muffling her laughter at his reaction.

"If you don't open the door, I'll- I'll..........I'll serenade you so loudly your neighbors will complain."

Taking a deep breath, he was about to start singing, but Y/N instead opened the door.

"Dear God, I get punishing me, but what did my neighbors do to get tortured so mercilessly by your banshee cries?"

She finally let him in after that scene.

"I'll have you know I'm actually a pretty decent singer." He stated in a matter of factly.

"Oh I know Hongjoong." She assured him as she began serving him a plate of food.

"You do?" He was puzzled as he tried to recall a time where he sang in front of her.

Not able to suppress a smile, Y/N confessed:

"One night after you came home late and thought I was asleep, I heard you when you began singing Rebel Love Song while playing with my hair."

As she sat down the plate in front of him and looked at him, his already fair complexion seemed to grow more pale and he suddenly looked embarrassed. He awkwardly toyed with his food.

"So......you heard the entire thing...?" He opted for focusing on eating as much as he could before he completely lost his appetite.

Y/N tried to keep a straight face as she sipped on the juice from her cup, ultimately failing when she spat it back inside, almost choking on the citrus liquid. Her boyfriend now threw the unwanted chicken wing back in his plate.

"Well I guess I'm not eating tonight. Good bye. I'm going to go crawl under the bed and die of embarrassment."

She looked at Hongjoong's slumped back as he headed into her bedroom. Wanting to let him change and wash up, knowing he'd take a while removing all that makeup that for some reason never caused a breakout on his flawless skin, she began clearing out the table and washing the dishes. Making sure to wrap the leftovers so he could take to his friend, she made her way into her room where Hongjoong was already on the bed, scrolling through his phone with a cringed look on his face.

"What is it?" She asked him as she began changing into her pj's.

"My idiot roommate. Wasn't watching where he was going and ended up stumbling on a dent on the sidewalk."

Hongjoong held up his phone to let her see a picture of Yeosang's dislocated elbow. She winced back in pain as she saw it.

"Ewww! Is he ok? Does he want us to take him to the hospital?"

Hongjoong shook his head.

"Yeosang would never EVER go to the hospital because of a skating accident. Besides, he's had so many that he somehow knows how to fix them."

Pulling up another picture, he let her see a selca of Yeosang holding up a peace sign as the caption read: "Hehet. I popped it back into place."

Y/N actually thought that was funny. Yeosang was a very funny character even when he didn't try to be. Snuggling herself up to her boyfriend, she let him move her leg so it could be wrapped around him, his thumb playing with the hem of her pink shorts. His hand then trailed up, untying the drawstring before pulling them just a little bit down to expose her powerpuff girls underwear.

"Hey!" Y/N swatted his hand away when he began bursting out at her choice of 'lingerie.'

"I'm sorry! It's just so cute." He tried explaining to her.

She wasn't amused however and turned away from him, her back facing him.

"Awww come on baby. I meant it when I said it was cute. You know I didn't mean it to be mean."

Hongjoong wrapped his arm around her waist, his lips peppering kisses on her cheek and temple.

"Yeah but I bet you'd prefer it if instead it was black lace and the skin around it had ink or jewelry."

Although she meant to only mumble that under her breath, Hongjoong heard her plain and clear.

"Ok what kind of talk is that? Why are you saying such things Y/N?"

She was going to crawl under the blanket but Hongjoong gave her no time to as he rolled her onto her back so he could look at her, not about to let her go until she explained the meaning of her words.

"I mean.......Hongjoong you're the dark, mysterious emo guy every girl thirst for at campus." She began.

"Guilty as charged." He joked.

Y/N chuckled slightly at his cute joke, but then went back to her somber expression.

"But...?" He urged her to continue.

"And I'm the complete opposite of you. You're black, I'm pink. You're leather, I'm fleece......you got your fucking dick pierced while I the only thing I have pierced are my ears."

"Ok, I see your points, but I'm still lost as to where you're trying to get with all this?" He tilted his head.

"My point is this. Wouldn't you rather be with someone who matches you better? Colorful colors on her hair? Piercings cascading down her earlobes and tattoos in places only you'll be able to see?" Her eyes looked away from him, afraid to see something she wouldn't like.

Hongjoong finally understood her insecurity. He wasn't going to lie, more than once he often felt the same way towards her. Why would a beautiful, dedicated, classy, pure and sophisticated woman settle for someone like him? But he never imagined that she'd be thinking the exact same thing. His fingers brushed away the strands of hair that were covering part of her face.

"Y/N....... if I wanted someone like that, I could have hooked up with them a long time ago. But I didn't want them. I wanted you then and I only want you now and I'll still want you later on in life."

She melted at his reassuring words, eyes and lips forming into a puppy face that always made him weak.

"You mean it?"

Bending down, he placed a loving and gentle kiss on her.

"I mean it. So don't worry about getting your body pierced or tattooed." He grinned at her.

Y/N bit down on her lip as she was about to tell him something.

"Well actually........I might need your input on something..."

He motioned for her to speak up.

"I actually wanted to get a tattoo and I was wondering......if you could do it..."

His mouth dropped at her words, brain trying to process if he just heard her right.

"Are you serious or...?"

She nodded.

"I'm serious. I want to get a tattoo and I want you to do it."

Looking at his still dumbfounded expression, it was now her turn to make fun of him.

"I mean, if you don't want to, that's ok. I'll just ask San to do it. It could probably be a better idea and I could surprise you instead."

"I mean, where do you even want to get the tattoo?"

Y/N smirked as she lifted her shirt up and exposed her breasts. She trailed a line right below them and signaled exactly where she wanted to get it. Hongjoong's face flushed as he began to imagine his already sexy girlfriend with an under breast tattoo decorating her chest, causing him to feel needy in seconds.

"Fuck baby.....are you trying to kill me?" He gulped.

"So is that a yes? Can you ask San to do it and I'll show you the finished result?"

Hongjoong chuckled as he grabbed her wrists and pinned them above her head.

"Do you really think I'm going to let anyone else see my girlfriend's chest when only I'm allowed to? Hell no. I'll gauge their eyes out first."

Y/N let out a half squeak half moan when Hongjoong bit down on her neck, tongue gliding down her exposed skin as his hands began ridding her of her clothes one by one.

"Let me remind you that you're mine and will always be mine."

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"Hongjoong!"

Throwing a rubber ball that struck straight into his target's head, Yeosang held up a fist in the air.

"Still got my aim." He declared, flexing his arm muscle.

Hongjoong however was not amused.

"You know...there's more than one way to dislocate an elbow than tripping on a sidewalk." He threatened him.

Letting out a small 'pfft', Yeosang took out his phone.

"Do you still have that video presentation we did for Professor Yoo's class."

"Ummm.......hold on, yeah I think so?" Hongjoong began scrolling through his phone.

"Ok well if you do, send it to me, I need to go over a few things for our upcoming midterms."

Hongjoong gave him a questioning gaze.

"Yeosang...midterms aren't until 3 months from now."

Yeosang raised an eyebrow.

"Did I fucking stutter?"

Not wanting to argue with the hot headed boy, Hongjoong just went back to searching through his files and let him know he'd send it once he found it. Yeosang meanwhile went back to his room, flopping down on his bed and resumed his previous activity of watching a horror movie on his phone. Tiny snorts would occasionally come out of his mouth when a jump scare would happen or sometimes even a twisted smile would form on his face when a particularly brutal or gory scene would be displayed. Even if he was scary and dark himself, Hongjoong often judged and questioned how Yeosang could possibly sit there watching people get violently slaughtered or severed without getting fazed or even batting an eyelash. Hongjoong actually suspected Yeosang actually enjoyed it and more than once contemplated whether Yeosang or not could be a potential serial killer.......

Then he remembered the boy also had Ponytail as his ringtone to quote unquote 'Wake up in a happy and cheerful mood.'

A notification popped up. Opening his messages, he saw it was from Hongjoong himself.

'Took me a while, but here you go. Knock yourself out I guess.'

In typical Yeosang fashion, he didn't even thanked him, he simply left him on read as he usually did. Pressing play, he flipped his phone sideways so he could make it go into full screen mode. He was disoriented when he heard music playing on the black screen, knowing fully well he didn't use such kinky music like that while editing the video, in fact he didn't use any music at all.

"What the fuck?"

He squinted his eyes when a scantily clad girl came into view. A male hand, belonging to whom he presumed to be recording the video, was seen running his thumb across her luscious and red tinted lips. The hand then reached down and picked up a black leash which was attached to the black choker on her neck. It had a red heart pendant on the middle, some engraving that he couldn't make it on the center of it.

"You know what to do kitten. Put that pretty mouth of yours to work." He heard the male tell the girl in front of him.

"The fuck kind of kinky porn did he decide to send me?"

Yeosang's cringed expression soon turned to shock when the male tugged on the leash roughly, pulling the girl forward and making her full face finally show on the camera.

"Oh...my..."

He gulped as he watched none other than Y/N began to pull down, whom he assumed was Hongjoong's briefs, down his thighs. When his erect cock hit his stomach, Yeosang's eyes nearly bulged out of his eyes.

"Holy shit Joong!"

His hand covered his agaped mouth as his eyes stared intently at his roommate's most intimate part, covered in piercings that he definitely did not know about. He knew about the nipple piercings, both of them having walked around shirtless at one point in front of each other. But seeing his Hyung's dick full of jewelry started making him get hard and watching Y/N wrap her lips around it, slurping sounds coming out her mouth as she began taking him in until he hit the back of her throat was not helping his case. His hand that was resting on his thigh unconsciously moved towards the growing tent forming under his sweatpants, lightly running across his length.

He heard Hongjoong emit a low hiss when she gave him a particular hard suck.

"Fuck! You're such a hungry and desperate cockslut aren't you? How about I treat you like the whore you are and fuck your face?"

Yeosang sucked in a breath as he watched Hongjoong yanked the leash on Y/N to keep her in place as his hips began to thrust forward. Yeosang couldn't help but palm himself harder, biting down his lower lip in an effort to keep his moans down. Watching Y/N release choked moans and drool pool down her chin from how hard Hongjoong was face fucking her was honestly one of the hottest things he'd ever seen. He nearly came in his pants with the lightest of touch when he witnessed Hongjoong pull out and spurt out his cum all over her face, covering from her forehead and dripping down her cheeks and chin, her tongue darting out to swallow some of the remnants left on her lips.

Yeosang gulped as he watched the screen go black, only shuffling noises being heard for a minute or two. He debated whether he should continue watching, already feeling guilty as hell that he just watched his Hyung's girlfriend suck him off and get a facial from him. But once the screen lit up again, he nearly fell off his bed as he stared at the scene:

Y/N had her arms tied to the bedpost, crimson red ropes secured tightly on her wrists, an intricate knot placed in the center of it. Her mouth was covered by a ball gag, lace bra pulled down to expose her breasts and her panties were probably discarded somewhere on the floor. He watched Y/N anxiously shiver when Hongjoong slid his cock across her slippery folds, no doubt enjoying the feeling of his Jacob's ladder piercing grazing against her lips and aching clit. He noticed how she tried to roll her hips to feel him more, but Hongjoong's hand slammed down on her stomach and pressed her down onto the bed.

"Don't get greedy now kitten. You'll take what I give you and you'll be grateful got it?"

Hearing his dominant and commanding voice full of authority, Yeosang slipped his hand inside his pants and gripped himself at the base of his cock, unashamed by his actions and wanting to hear more of Hongjoong's domineering tone.

"Y-yes..."

Not satisfied with her answer, Hongjoong slapped her across her face before gripping her chin. It sent a terrified shiver down Yeosang's back seeing Hongjoong treat Y/N with such utter disrespect and yet......she seemed to enjoy it?

"Yes what?" Hongjoong spat out.

Y/N whimpered as she answered him.

"Yes Master."

Yeosang groaned and stopped his hand movements, not wanting to come anytime soon. Through hooded eyes, he watched the rest of the pornographic video play, from when Hongjoong pushed himself inside Y/N to when he had her trembling underneath him as he poured himself inside of her, completely and effectively fucking her dumb as she stared off somewhere completely lost. With a soft grunt and hisses, Yeosang spilled himself all over his stomach, breathing heavily after having jerked himself off to his roommate's private sex tape. Putting his phone down, he reached for the box of tissues on his dresser and began cleaning himself up....

Completely unaware of the eyes that had been watching him intently.

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Ever since that day that Hongjoong had witnessed Yeosang touching himself to his and Y/N's secret tape, it began giving him a few ideas, ideas that weren't particularly holy at all. It most definitely was an accident and when he realized what he had sent to his roommate he was already off his bed and going over to apologize. He was expecting his somber friend to glare at him or even give him a disgusted look, but he was shocked to find him fully stroking his length, eyes glued to his phone while his mouth released some of the cutest and softest pants he'd ever heard. The sounds kept replaying in his head, especially late at night, often falling asleep to them as if they were some kind of sinful lullaby that he wanted turned into a full blown orchestral song.

And that's how his pretty girlfriend ended up dragged into his unholy desires, dressed to entice in a red two piece lingerie set that he knew would drive Yeosang insane.

"Hongjoong, do you think this is a good idea?" Her hands fidgeted with the bow attached to the middle of her panties.

When they heard the front door signal Yeosang's arrival, Hongjoong looked over at her with a smirk.

"Only one way to find out."

Adjusting the bow on her hair, Y/N watched her boyfriend walk out the room, no doubt going along with his plan of telling Yeosang he had a surprise for him. The boy was probably imagining something like stickers for his skateboard, fried chicken or some cool tshirt Hongjoong would customize for him, he really loved those gifts. Instead, he walked in to find his Hyung's girlfriend sitting on his bed, looking innocent and sexy at the same time. His eyes bulged out, cheeks reddened at the apples and he was whipping his head towards the evilly grinning male next to him, demanding an explanation.

"What? Don't you like my little surprise Sangie? I thought you'd be a little more....excited..."

Yeosang shivered lightly when Hongjoong ran his hand across his pants, gripping softly at the arousal that was forming in them.

"I don't- I don't understand....." Yeosang shyly looked to the ground, hands covering his growing arousal in embarrassment.

"Yeosang I know all about you masturbating to our sex tape."

Y/N kinda felt bad when Yeosang's expression looked guilty and ashamed of himself for even watching it in the first place. But she wasn't going to lie that it turned her on to find out the pure looking skaterboi could have his freaky side and she was more than curious to find out just how wild he could be. She heard, or more like, discerned Yeosang was apologizing to Hongjoong in a very hushed tone. Hongjoong assured him it was perfectly fine and that there was no need to be afraid, that it was after all a present to him. Seeing Yeosang conflict himself with whether this was right or not, Y/N knew it was time for her to speak up.

"Yeosangie...."

He immediately responded to her sultry call for him, ready to obey anything she said. When she patted the spot on the bed next to her, his feet quickly moved to sit next to her, although he kept his eyes on the floor, not daring to look her right in the eye and much less at her body. His cute behavior stirred something inside Y/N, a more dominant side of her wanting to come out. She began stroking his hair, which made him visible stiffen and inhale sharply.

"You can look at me Yeosang. It's ok."

Brushing the hair away from his forehead, her hand went down to his cheek, caressing it as she turned his face to look at her. He visible gulped when she asked him:

"Don't you think I look pretty?"

Unable to resist himself, he finally scanned her body, eyes tracing every curve and lingering a little too much on her exposed cleavage.

"You look so fucking pretty." He had to admit.

Hongjoong watched with a proud smirk as Yeosang let Y/N kiss him softly and slowly melt into a more heated kiss. Although he was possessive by nature, something about sharing his most prized possession with his extremely handsome best friend got him riled up and he couldn't wait until they both fucked her dumb. He was just waiting for Yeosang to flip the tables on her, cause he knew that although his girlfriend was taking the lead at the moment, practically devouring the boy inside her mouth and straddling his lap, he also knew Yeosang was more dominant by nature. He just liked to play off an innocent and naive façade only to suddenly flip the switch and have whoever he's with underneath him and obeying his orders. And that's exactly what happened.

As Y/N was getting lost into their heated and sloppy makeout session, she let out a startled grunt when Yeosang's hand gripped the back of her hair, tugging it harshly as his nose brushed across her exposed neck.

"Just cause you're on top right now, doesn't mean I'm letting you take charge. Got it little kitten?" He smirked when he heard her moan out at her favorite pet name.

"Yes Yeosangie-"

She had no time to finish her sentence because Yeosang gripped her chin tightly, effectively silencing her.

"For tonight, forget about Yeosangie. You will only address me as Sir."

With no warning, he flipped her onto the bed, pinning her arms up and diving straight for her neck, making sure to suck and bite hard enough to leave purple blotches splattered across her soft almost velvet like skin. When Y/N looked back at her boyfriend, he was already almost fully undressed, leaving only his boxers on, hand palming himself as he stared at them with lustful eyes. Cupping her breasts, Yeosang squeezed them into his hands before pulling them out of the confining garment. Having always been a boobs type of guy, he of course began to hungrily suck on them, his tongue flicking against her sensitive nipples. Y/N arched her back, her mind wondering where the fuck did the shy skater went to? Was the boy who could barely say 3 words on their first meeting also the same man that was turning her into putty the lower he began kissing down her body?

When Yeosang got in between her thighs, he could not believe how drenched she already was.

"Fuck. We've barely done anything Hyung." Yeosang pressed a finger to her clothed heat.

Finally deciding it was time to join, Hongjoong moved Y/N so that her head was resting on the edge of the bed, prompting Yeosang to move as well.

"I know. She's such a dirty little slut. Gets turned on by even the smallest of things." He teased her as his hand lightly smacked her cheek.

"Don't call her that Hyung.....she's just a little princess. Can't help it if she's just a little spoiled." Yeosang cooed as he began pulling her soaked panties off.

Y/N gasped when Yeosang blew a little air onto her dripping core, eagerly anticipating him to do something. It was Hongjoong though that made her break her gaze from him when he slapped an all too familiar pierced member on her forehead.

"Hey, just cause Yeosang is willing to go soft on you and dote on you, doesn't mean you earned it from me."

Hongjoong tilted her head lower so it'd be easier for her to take him in.

"You're going to work that filthy mouth of yours and suck me dry you dirty kitten. I don't want you getting distracted by Yeosang eating you out or else I won't let you cum tonight." He warned her before shoving his dick inside her warm mouth in one go.

Yeosang only chuckled as he leaned in closer to her heat.

"I'll make sure to make it difficult for her."

Y/N moaned around Hongjoong's dick when she felt Yeosang's wet muscle side across her slick folds. Although he did not own a tongue in like her boyfriend did, he really was making it difficult for her to focus on sucking off Hongjoong. The way he swirled his tongue around her clit, or when he'd give it a particularly harsh suck that shot waves up at her. She could feel him smiling cockily too, he knew the power he held at that moment. Using his fingers to pry her lips open, he dwelved his tongue inside her dripping hole, causing her to briefly mumble out Yeosang's name while her mouth was still stuffed with Hongjoong's cock. She let out a choked yelp when the latter forced his cock deep inside her throat, the ampallang piercing touching her uvula, as his hand came down to strike her cheek.

"You're seriously calling out another man's name after I told you to focus on me you little bitch? Are you too dumb to even do a simple order?"

Gripping the sides of her jaw, he began to fuck her face, causing Y/N to choke around his length but eventually hollowing out her cheeks to welcome his intrusion. Although Yeosang looked up just to witness the sick and twisted scene, he did not deter in his task of eating Y/N out. He was determined to have her cum all over his face. By the way her hips began rolling onto his face and her thighs were closing around his head, he knew she was definitely close. Noticing her body movements as well, Hongjoong firmly looked at Yeosang.

"Don't you dare let her cum Yeosang."

Yeosang snickered amusedly, finding it funny how Hongjoong tried to order him around. Instead, the brat in him decided to completely ignore him, burying his face deeper in her, his mouth working hard to get her to reach that release she desperately wanted to achieve. When she began squirming under him, his hand held her hips down, tongue lapping up all the sweet juices she was pouring out. Yeosang was disappointed that her pleasured moans were currently being muffled by Hongjoong's cock, the latter tensing up when he felt the vibrations all around him.

"Fucking hell!"

Pulling out of her mouth with a loud popping sound, he finished himself off as he came all over her chin and neck, face red and eyes glaring down at Yeosang, who shot him a smug smile as he wiped the remainder of her juices off his chin and nose and licked his hand when he was done.

"You're such a fucking brat." Hongjoong growled at him.

"And what are you going to do? Spank me daddy?" He scoffed at the older male.

Setting Y/N upright, Hongjoong picked her up and set her down on the chair by the computer.

"You're not allowed to move, speak or touch yourself. You'll sit there like a good little bitch and watch what happens when you test me or disobey."

Y/N quickly nodded at Hongjoong's words, watching with fear and anticipation as turned his attention back to a still defiant Yeosang. After stripping off his clothes as Hongjoong told him to, Yeosang obligingly layed on his stomach, wiggling his ass when his Hyung came up behind him. Hongjoong had a suspiciously calm smile as his hand traced the curve of his Donsaeng's back before gently kneading at the flesh on his cheeks. When Y/N saw him reach under the bed for the black velvet bag he had hid just in case, she knew exactly what he was up to and wanted to warn Yeosang, but remembered the strict command she was given.

"Gave up already Hyung? I knew you're just all talk when you said you were a Dom-"

Yeosang groaned when Hongjoong took hold of his arms and swiftly tied them behind his back. Yeosang tested the ropes binding his hands and effectively discovered that they were very tight. He inhaled deeply when he felt something like leather stroke his ass cheeks. Hongjoong let out a soft chuckle as he brought the object close to Yeosang's face so he could take a look at what it was. The brown haired male paled slightly as he looked straight at the top of a black riding crop. Hongjoong used the tip to slightly turn Yeosang's head so he could see the sadistic smile across his face.

"I'm going to show you little brat how us Doms train you into submission."

After patting that stubborn head of his friend, Hongjoong held the riding crop over his head, momentarily keeping it there to keep a suspenseful atmosphere. Y/N looked over at Yeosang with a worried look, meeting her eyes briefly, he sent a wink her way, silently assuring her that he was completely fine with it.

Swish

"Ahh!"

Yeosang let out an almost pained howl when the first strike came down on his ass.

"One." Hongjoong began.

One stroke soon turned to 5, and then 10, Yeosang's milky white skin started as a bright pink but was now a deep red. He kept his face buried in the mattress underneath him which drowned out his screams and whimpers. All throughout his ordeal, Y/N rubbed her legs together, pressing her thighs against each other, quickly becoming aroused once more and feeling needy once more. Yeosang's whining was not helping her case either, if anything his behavior was making her want to disobey her boyfriend as well, her hand creeping dangerously close to her knee.

"Are you going to apologize for being a brat now or should I keep going? The longer you drag this on, the longer it'll take for both you and Y/N to cum. I mean look at her..."

Grabbing a hold of Yeosang's hair, Hongjoong lifted his face so he could look over at the squirming girl on his chair.

"She's practically aching for you to be inside her."

Although Yeosang wanted to continue his defiance, not only was he craving his own release, but seeing Y/N made him rethink his choice.

"Yeosang, I'll tell you what. Give up now....and I'll let you take her ass."

Y/N couldn't believe her ears. Hongjoong wasn't serious was he? Yeosang sucking in a breath answered that for her, and more so when he immediately did as he was asked.

"I'm sorry f-for being a brat Hyung. I p-promise it won't happen again."

Flipping him on his back, Hongjoong gripped Yeosang's red and painfully erect cock in his hand, making the younger boy hiss in pleasure and pain.

"Tell me what you want Yeosang." Hongjoong ushered him to speak up, his thumb running across the other's slit.

"Wanna make our girl feel good. Wanna be buried inside her and fuck her like a queen."

As he spoke those words, he looked at Y/N with hooded eyes, hips bucking up as Hongjoong began stroking him gently, soft moans and grunts coming out from Yeosang's mouth, the very same ones Hongjoong wanted to hear from the beginning.

"And you will baby boy, but can you both be patient for a little bit?"

Hongjoong turned when Y/N let out a frustrated whine, bottom lip poking out.

"I'll get to you soon kitten ok? But let me help Yeosang for a little bit. He hasn't gotten a chance to come even once and he's throbbing in my hand right now."

Having been frustrated for too long, Yeosang melted into Hongjoong's touch when he picked up the pace and began to stroke him harder. He tried biting his lip in an effort to hold back his noises but Hongjoong halted his movements.

"Open your mouth and let those filthy moans come out your throat or else I'll put a cock ring on you."

As if on cue, Yeosang's began releasing the most unholy series of whimpers and whines as Hongjoong pumped him into a dazy haze that would soon be broken and explode all over his Hyung's hand. He just needed an extra push and he'd come collapsing from his already high state. Hongjoong felt when Yeosang began twitching, a sign he was going to come.

"Hyung-Hyung!-"

Hongjoong immediately dropped to his knees and opened his mouth wide to catch some of the cum that spurted out of Yeosang, leaving Y/N speechless. She knew her boyfriend was rather kinky and had interesting tastes, but this just made her let out a big 'oof' at his actions. And what followed just made her practically drip. Taking advantage of Yeosang's sensitive state, Hongjoong licked up his softening dick and made sure to press his tongue piercing into his slit, making Yeosang push him off, unable to take anymore.

"Ok baby boy, guess you're not ready for overstimulation yet." Hongjoong ruffled his hair before cupping the red faced boy's cheeks and kissing him softly, drilling his tongue in his mouth, letting him not only taste himself but allowing him to play around with his tongue piercing that always made him curious.

They were only broken from their amorous trance when they heard a frustrated squeak coming from the poor girl sitting on the chair in front of them.

"I think we've neglected our princess for too long Hyung." Yeosang was the one who got up and went over to fetch Y/N, who eagerly accepted his embrace and let him carry her over to the bed.

Hongjoong was already getting out the lube to help with the process that was about to come.

"I don't know....I'm tempted to make her wait a little more."

Y/N shook her head furiously to which Yeosang giggled.

"Don't worry princess. I'll make sure you're more than satisfied."

Turning her so her back was to his chest, Yeosang took the lube from Hongjoong's hand and poured some onto his fingers. Hongjoong in turn tilted Y/N's chin, and made her look at him.

"You're lucky Yeosang is nice kitten. If it were up to me, I'd make you wait around and beg like the whiny bitch you are."

Y/N poked her bottom lip out, making puppy eyes at Hongjoong so he wouldn't follow through on it. Wanting to assure her, Yeosang pressed kisses on her shoulder.

"Don't listen to him princess."

Yeosang slipped two of his lubed fingers into her tight hole, reading her body signals and slowly prepping her. Sensing her apprehension, Yeosang looked over at Hongjoong.

"Should we maybe try something else?"

But Y/N didn't want to deter them.

"No! Please! Fuck both my holes."

Yeosang instantly got hard once again at her words. When Y/N pressed herself back onto his length, he got the hint that she wanted them to stop stalling. As Yeosang finished lubing her up, Hongjoong lined himself up at her entrance, not needing to prep her pussy hole as she was practically soaked to the core, making it easy for him to slide inside her. Even after all the times he had entered her in the past months, she could still not get over the feeling of his pierced dick stretching out her walls. Before she could fully get adjusted to him, Yeosang was already sliding into her other tight hole, causing a pained shiver to run down her spine. Hongjoong rapidly kissed her to distract her from the uncomfortable feeling. Yeosang as well slid his hands up to cup her breasts, pinching her nipples softly as he fully inserted his length inside her, fighting the urge to move until she adjusted to his size.

After a few minutes, she pulled away from Hongjoong's kiss and nodded at him.

"You good?" He asked one last time.

"I'm good." Turning her head back so she could look at Yeosang, she added: "Go ahead."

Giving each other an enthusiastic look, both men began moving inside of her. Y/N had never felt so full, each time one of them slipped out of her, the other was already slipping back in, never allowing her to get a moment's rest from the overwhelming feeling they were giving her.

"You're enjoying this aren't you kitten? I can feel you clenching all around me and I bet that other hole of yours is squeezing Yeosang as well."

With no warning, Hongjoong slipped his hand back and struck her ass twice, causing her to yelp.

"Aren't you, you whore?"

As soon as he finished his words, Yeosang stepped in to caress her slapped skin.

"It's ok princess, it's just means we're fucking you right like you're supposed to be."

Y/N loved the polar opposites both of them were giving her. Hongjoong's degradation being softened by Yeosang's praise and care was something she didn't know she needed until she felt a familiar coil build up in her lower stomach.

"She's close..... can you tell Yeosang? With the way she's struggling to breathe and her walls tightening, she's about to burst all over." Hongjoong noted.

Reaching over to fumble with her clit, Yeosang whispered in a raspy voice:

"Cum for us baby girl. Just let it out."

Feeling the coil snap inside, she cried out their names as they slowed down their movements, letting her come down from her high and become relaxed. She was completely unaware of the slick smiles and hints they exchanged between themselves. Taking advantage of her unfocused state, Hongjoong gripped her hips while Yeosang wrapped his hand around her neck, both jolting they began pounding into her at an even fiercer speed than before, loud squealching sounds echoing through the room as incoherent babbling came from Y/N's mouth, tears dripping down her cheeks from their overstimulation.

"Joong...Sang..-"

Hongjoong slapped her ass once again.

"Wrong name stupid, stupid kitten."

Any word she even thought of spitting out was choked out by Yeosang's grip tightened around her throat.

"It's Master and Sir to you little pet."

"S-sorry......m-master...s-sir-"

With tremendous effort, she managed to get out those 3 words in between her whimpered screams that were probably being heard by the neighbors, not to mention the creaking of the bed underneath them. Being overstimulated past her limit, it didn't take long for Y/N to become undone once more, this time even more violently than the previous one. If the boys hadn't been holding her up, she would have collapsed onto the bed. But their strong arms, both tha tattooed ones and the non-tattooed held her up as both boys chased their own release. Through gritted teeth, they let out choked moans, making sure to fill her up to the brim as they coated her walls with their sticky cum. Once they garnered enough strength and their headspace, they pulled out of her, a trail of slick cascading down her thighs. Y/N winced at the sudden void that action left in her, her eyes focused on the ceiling as her mind just stayed blank from all the events that just happened. Yeosang was the first one to get up.

"I'll go run a bath."

Understanding what he was doing, Hongjoong leaned down and brushed some of the hair sticking to his girlfriend's forehead off her face. Kissing the spot gently, his tone turned more soft and warm than what it had been minutes ago.

"It's ok, you did so well my love. We'll run you a nice bath and then tuck you into bed so you can rest ok?"

Her mind barely processed what he said, she simply nodded and allowed herself to be carried by Hongjoong into the bathroom. Yeosang was in the process of making sure the water temperature was perfect and had already added scented bubble bath mix in there to help her relax more.

"You certainly do go the extra mile." Hongjoong pointed out.

Yeosang shrugged.

"Just cause she's not mine doesn't mean I'm not going to take care of her after I practically helped you fuck her brains out."

Both Y/N and Yeosang thought they were too worn out and dumb to fully comprehend the next words Hongjoong spoke.

"As far as I'm concerned, she's also yours after tonight."

Y/N craned her neck to look at Yeosang's reaction, who sat there incredulous.

"I mean, if you don't want to I understand..."

Hongjoong looked over at his lover, knowing fully well she would not mind adding their savage yet charismatic accomplice into their relationship. After Y/N gave him a reassuring smile, Yeosang stood up and took her away from Hongjoong's embrace.

"Guess you're mine now too princess."

━━━━━ • ஜ • ❈ • ஜ • ━━━━━

[loquaciousquark]

How do you stay motivated to finish your works? I find myself struggling in keeping out of my own head when writing just short stories, and when I pass my writing to my beta readers, it doesn’t seem like I’m fixing my main problem areas, so it’s almost like writing is painful now? apologies if you may have answered something similar to this before!

Oof, anon, that's a tough one! There's a few things I'm thinking right away, but the simplest and most direct answer is that I find the majority of my reward in the actual writing process rather than the comments that come after. If that's not how you're wired, that's probably not going to do much for you, unfortunately! :(

Looking at your ask, the first thing I'm thinking of is - how explicit are you being with your betas about what you've identified as your problem areas? Are you sending it with clear requests about what you want them to address? How narrowly have you really pinned down what your problem areas are? It sounds like they're awesome cheerleaders, which I know can be great, but it also sounds like that may not be exactly like what you're looking for right now.

I do assume you trust their judgement because you trust them to review things for you; do you trust them also to provide you the kind of feedback you're looking for? If not, if you don't think they're capable of quite what you're looking for, you might want to solicit betas from other forums for those items you really want help with.

I say this because some things are going to be easier to address than others, and are easier to trust to others. Grammar checks are generally very straightforward and clear-cut, confusing passages or accidental tense/POV changes often equally so. Characterization can be harder; in those cases you need to trust the voice of the person you're sending it to. General story structure I think is the hardest, which is why I have been so divinely lucky to have @jadesabre301 reading my long pieces for so many years. She has an eye like no other for picking out unnecessary scenes, missing gaps, and weak structural bones, and more particularly she can suggest real and concrete fixes for those issues that have made the piece better every single time.

And not every pieces needs to go through that heavy combing! Sometimes I'll send her or @eponymous-rose things and ask for just a quick grammar check, and sometimes I write out a longer list of things I know need attention. I try to be as specific as possible and even mark out passages I have questions about as clearly as I can, with the exact issues I think might be present. The easier I can make it for them to analyze the things I'm struggling with, the easier it is for them to give me meaningful feedback. I've also found that the clearer I am about what I need from my betas, the easier it is to identify my problem areas to myself.

The last thing I'll mention is that it sounds like you really have a strong desire to write, and the lack of feedback is somewhat impeding your joy in that process. It might be worth it to take a step back, pinpoint what you find the most joy in during your writing process, and focus on that. I know @eponymous-rose doesn't use much betaing at all on her own fic; she likes posting immediately and doesn't get a lot out of external edits. If you find that your current betaing process isn't getting you much in the way of rewards and you also aren't changing much based on the feedback you're getting, AND it's making you feel worse in the process, it might be worth tabling it for a oneshot or two to see if you feel better without it in the short term!

Just some thoughts as I fade for the evening; I hope it's helpful!

[lochnessies]

ok here’s a dissection of a post an anon sent me the link to and bc i have the worst time management possible and i completely forgot i had it lol so sorry anon here you go ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

I am constantly thinking about how Edelgard just doesn’t seem designed to appeal to cishet men.

i hate to be the one to break this news to you op but just because a character doesn’t show skin like charlotte fire emblem doesn’t mean she isn’t designed to pander to men. she’s very much designed to pander to the (majority straight male) player base with her ‘uwu i only trust you professor omg did u see that rat? pls don’t look at my painting of you uwu’.

then there’s the whole edelgard c support in japanese where byleth makes reference to having come to her room for ‘yobi’ which is

there’s also the scene where byleth can make an unsolicited comment about edelgard’s breast size. which is… uhh… gross.

edelgard also has cipher cards that go from slightly fanserviceie to full on suggestive

and also her breast armor that my sister relentlessly mocked lol

and here’s a chart from the 3h subreddit about gender/sexually in regards to edelgard and edeleth. it’s extremely straight male. op might have just overlooked this since they probably don’t go on reddit and stay on tumblr (which unlike reddit is mostly female and has a high lgbt demographic).

Like the joke is that Bleagles is the Gay House, but everything about her feels deliberately non-hetero.

i don’t like where this is going…

She’s dressed in sharp outfits covering her upper body, with proportions that don’t seem exaggerated.

so women who cover up must be lgbt because straight women are naturally more revealing? oh y i k e s

Her poise and the way she effortlessly flourishes her axe exhibits an air of coolness. While titties out =/= character of no substance, Edelgard being dressed more modestly suggests that she wasn’t designed with male-centred fanservice in mind.

“titties don’t equal no substance but here’s my post on how she has more substance because she doesn’t show titties” ok

And she still looks absolutely stunning in her more modest attire (like seriously, I haven’t felt the need to return to cosplay in years but I want to do her academy look so bad). 

yes she does. amazing design 10/10. i have a feeling this is the only part i’m going to agree with

Edelgard is intense. She does not mince her words and she is constantly evaluating you. Though she tries, she has a difficult time understanding her peers initially. Early on, she talks about how she would sacrifice herself and others in the name of some greater good. She is terrible at communicating with her peers. She has to be seen as infallible. Her heart has been hardened for years and she assumes she has to stay that way. She also assumes everyone mourns the same way she does - which is why she (kind of insensitively) insists you move on when Jeralt dies. Because to her, grief has to be channeled towards action, or else you’ll get lost in it. This attitude is demonstrated time and time again as she presses on. It can make her come off as cold and unfeeling - but look closer, and she’s anything but.

don’t really have anything to say at this part. it is pretty on the nose though i would slightly disagree with that last sentence a bit. i wouldn’t say she’s as i feeling as hubert is but all of her talks of the war boil down to how she feels and never her victims.

Her story is ultimately about her realizing that to achieve her goals, she needs to let people in and allow herself to want things like cakes and tea parties and lazy days in peace. 

????? what ????? her goals include imperialism, ethnic and religious targeting. her story is about having a set of beliefs and mowing down anybody who stands in her way. that has nothing to do with tea, friends, and lazy days. also am i supposed to be sad that she has to get up everyday and work? i do that and i didn’t start a war and only throw a pity party for myself

The game leaves the player guessing as to how involved the Flame Emperor was in each Part I event, makes you feel hurt by her betrayal, and leaves you with a choice: do you follow the orders of the woman who tried to make you a god without your consent, or a young girl with questionable morals about to throw the world into upheaval?

this isn’t an ideal situation but i think i’m going to stick with the woman who tried to make me a god since i’m not selfish and i know it’s not only my desires and life at stake here. plus the green hair slaps ngl

Choosing her of your own volition (not for completionist reasons) requires the basic ability to sympathize with a woman’s pain. It also requires the player to read beyond her unwavering will and dubious methods to get a sense of how deep that pain goes and how the theme of humanity relates to her differently in each route.

i’m not going to touch this since @nilsh13 made a post on it that i’ll link here. i agree with everything he said so to repeat it would be redundant.

The player must be able to see a young woman’s desperate resolve to change the world so it stops exploiting people and ruining lives. They must be able to accept the fact that women can make the same morally wrong and ambivalent decisions that complicated male characters get to make all the time and still be the one to root for.

literally the same reason i love rhea lol her goddess experiments are dubious at best but her reasons are the same you mentioned. i would say that i like this quality in edelgard too if her ending, while bloody, actually ended in a good outcome for fodlan.

This is not unique to LGBT+ people, but this population is likely to understand why Edelgard feels so strongly about why she has to change the system. 

i understand wanting to change a system, i really do. like edelgard, i’m an opinionated bisexual woman (who’s also physically disabled) so yeah i get it. and change can be good but it can also be terrible. even if the church was the boogeyman edelgard treats it as she still replaces it with her own shit regime. so it’s the same circus just with a new conductor.

I don’t think “Edelgard gets undue criticism because she’s a woman” captures the full picture. An important aspect of her treatment by certain parts of the fandom is that she’s a radical woman.

or maybe she does some pretty fucked up shit and it goes unacknowledged in her own route. and yeah she’s radical but in all the worst ways.

Her hatred of the Church and the Crest system resonates way harder with people who have been hurt by institutions that are deeply engrained in our society. 

and what about people who have been hurt by systems where their ‘merit’ didn’t measure up and they were left behind? what about people from nations that experienced imperialism?

Siding with her means siding against the Church - which, while different from real world religious institutions, still invokes language about “sin” and “punishment.

yeah the ‘sins’ and ‘punishments’ are used in relation to attempted murders which i think everybody can agree is a bad thing that needs to be condemned.

Choosing Edelgard will likely hit different if homophobic and transphobic Christians used that rhetoric against you.

it has literally nothing to do with ‘sins’ and ‘punishments’ in regards to being gay or trans. that’s you projecting. especially since the church has 2 canon gay characters and two coded ones.

like i can understand why having a church condemn you can be uncomfortable but i’m begging you to please look at the context of what’s happening.

I’m willing to go out on a limb and say that the reason F/F Edeleth is the more popular iteration of that ship because most people who would choose to S-support Edelgard are LGBT+ themselves. This is not a revelation. To anyone in the community, it’s fairly obvious. 

i was talking to nilish and he said

so yeah… while there is definitely sapphic femleth shippers out there, there’s still a whole lot of weird fetishizing going on from straight men about edelgard.

Crimson Flower was my first route. I went into the game knowing absolutely nothing. I played it during the last week of 2020 and hoo boy was it cathartic. 

i can tell. this wasn’t supposed to be a dig but it came out that way and i’m not taking it out.

I felt like I was living out a gay revolution power fantasy, where I could truly change systems of oppression while fighting alongside a group of troubled students I’d shaped the lives of.

so a gay revolution power fantasy (cringe) goes hand in hand with imperialism and installing a dictatorship? also the war had nothing to do with sexuality.

Through your unwavering support, Edelgard learns that she needs to be human, that she must listen to her friends, and that she’s allowed to enjoy the world she’s creating.

edelgard gets to learn how to be human all while hunting those who don’t. and she doesn’t listen fo her friends. she doesn’t even trust them. she’s willing to talk to byleth but keep the people who’s been by her side for five years in the dark about everything. and yeah she gets to enjoy her new words since she’s on top. hate to be a commoner under her rule after she burned down my village in her war.

I love this character so much.

clearly. and i honestly don’t care if somebody likes her. i do as well even if my sometimes scathing words can make it seem otherwise.

It has been six months since I first played and I am still analyzing her,

me too. please help me escape i’m losing my mind

because there’s so much depth. Yet so many people fail to see that depth and dismiss her as evil,

i mean, she does some fucked up shit that goes beyond any of the less than desirable actions of the other main characters and does an extremely poor job in trying to make herself seem innocent. i personally don’t think she’s pure evil but i completely understand where the people who say she is are coming from.

because they never had the will to understand complicated women in the first place. 

that’s big talk from somebody who implies that a gay pope is comparable to homophobic and transphobic irl religions and that leads an oppressive regime all because she uses the vague terms of sin and punishments that you have to gay power fantasy your way out of

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: How are you? Could you type assess me? Hope I followed the instructions correctly. My conclusion was INTP with immature Ne-Si, however, I'd like to submit to you the reasoning behind my conclusion. Hope I did my homework correctly.

Ti – my decisionmaking process is to think “what is x? if x means y, what does that entail?”. For example, if I am confronted with a situation I think about what possible outcomes can I have? Do I desire those outcomes? How can I act on each of those possible scenarios? And then I analyze which one has the outcome I am more prepared to face. I do not like to be rushed into taking a decison too quick or without knowing all the variables necessary to decide what to do. It’s easy in theory, but in real life we never know if we know all the variables and there isn’t always time to investigate them. I like to formulate hypothesis and analyze them. Usually, I ask “what”, “who”, “how”, “why”, “where”, and “when” questions to do this. Or I think step by step, trying my best to break down the tasks into small chunks (I have executive dysfunction due to ADHD so it’s not always the easiest think ever). I

Te – That’d be similar to the way I described Ti. However, I must admit that I don’t have the best Te doms interest in changing the outside world if it’s not something that caught my attention.

Ne – I’ve read a lot of asked questions on your blog and I have no doubt I have underveloped but high Ne. Signs of unhealthy Ne – I am very willy nilly as you say, I frequently want to change my life or everything I am doing and I expect progress to come in quick leaps. I am not patient to put in the hard work to actualize things I really want. I have learnt a bit late that rules that apply to others also apply to me, in the best way possible. I jump from one thing to the next very often, and it’s very hard for me to learn consistency, but I am trying my best. Why? I think I just find it very challenging to focus on something for too long, something else always become the next new

I also have underdeveloped Ne because due to trauma and hardships I became too afraid to dream of a better life, a bit of a “should I try if there’s the change I am going to fail?” because I have failed many times, only to learn that I should confront my anxiety and try whatever I think it’s worth trying. It’s harder to practice though. But I don’t want my mental pictures to be just pictures, I want to live them in the real world, otherwise it’d be a wasted life. Nowadays I think of the job I want, learn skills to adapt to it, to complete my master’s degree and go after another, and also graduate in philosophy at some point. I’m also very impulsive. It may be a stereotype but I am also very prone to joke around the most uncomfortable situations, as a way to lighten up - sometimes I have this silly fear of not being taken seriously because of that.

Si – I find it very difficult to follow instructions or do things the proper way, this is a constant pattern in my life. Also whenever I am stressed, I keep googling illnesses, medicines I could take to feel better. When stressed, I also ruminate about the past and what I should’ve done or I keep trying to “fix” the past by getting fixated on it. The sense of doom never lasts because I am very prone to think “ok, now I am going to do things differently, I am still 27, I am not old”. Age has also creeped in – ever since I turned 27, I keep thinking I am too old to do the things I wanna do, even though I rationally know this is bullshit. On a positive light, I am not very ambitious, I just want to have a stable life in which I can provide for myself and a future family. My physical space is not ordely nor I care if it is ordely as long I can have a personal system to find the things I use the most (ordering by utility) and makes sense to me. I am also in a comfort zone because I am materially privileged and in my country this means I can study whilst my parents support me and that's a lot in my home country, argentina. I don’t have to worry about getting a job I don’t want and suck it up, so I usually don’t challenge myself – and this bothers me, because it may be a way of self-handcapping. I have been resisting to challenge my comfort position in life even though my head always tells me to do so because I have built nothing in my life, and I really want to. It’s like I am resisting to expose myself to the world beyond my comfort zone (some of it because of anxiety and catastrophizing multiple bad results), so I get stuck in a rut. I’ve been making some progress though, but I am not there yet and as I said on the Ne description, I expect things to happen quickly, almost like a miracle. So far I am convinced I have an unhealthy Ne-Si dynamics and that Ne is calling but I don’t know how to answer to it.

Fe – It’s not that I want to avoid being emotionally involved, it’s just hard. It’s not default for me put emotional investment on doing mundane tasks. It’s hard. I have social anxiety but I connect well with others online. I am not averse to people, I like to have fun just as much as the next person. I worry about being hated by others or if people will use my intimacy against me if we get too close. Like the Si description, it’s something I’ve been working on because it's also a reaction to trauma.

Ni – I have a tendency of getting stuck in my own head and talk to myself a lot there. Sometimes it is a representation of this world but slightly different, as some sort of internal dialogue. At the same time, this picture can change as I live reality and form new pictures, as I discover the pleasures of the outside world. The pictures changes according to the current moment of my life, according to the phase of life I am in. I don’t think I am a Ni user because there are loads of pictures – ie the job picture, the friends picture, intellectual hypothesis – that can quickly change according to evidence or good arguments – and a lot of those pictures are actually daydreams, as if I want reality to conform to whatever I am daydreaming. The content of those daydreams are usually scenarios I wish were real at the moment. I daydream to shape reality but also to avoid it.

Fi – I don’t like to open up about feelings. My feelings are mine. However, I am not a Fi user, even if sometimes I pursue random interests just because I just feel like doing it. Whenever I give advice to others, I usually tell them how I would solve a situation and I can emphatize more if it’s something I experienced myself. I did benefit every time I took care of myself by thinking on doing uncomfortable things (getting out of my comfort zone as a privileged person) for my personal growth.

Se – I sometimes overindulge sensory pleasures, especially when I am anxious, however I am not exactly pragmatic as a Se type would be. I can be really impatient as I mentioned on the Ne description though. Evidence for Se is really weak.

-----------------

You didn't follow the instructions properly. You're supposed to contrast at least two entire functional stacks, but you only did the INTP stack. You're supposed to respond, in detail, to every point in the guide for every function of the stack, but you didn't, so the examples remain too vague to be useful and mostly just reveal your misconceptions about the functions. It's also unclear why you included your random thoughts about the other functions without specifying the type and the stack position. You say you have difficulty following instructions, but it is a basic requirement here. I don't like to guess. The reason I'm very insistent that people follow the instructions and structure their profile properly is because I don't have time to sort out everyone's details for them, and I can't achieve certainty without the info I ask for.

I can only offer the following comments:

1) You seem to be lagging in ego development, which means that you suffer from low self-awareness. It's likely that you're merely presenting a version of yourself that isn't close enough to the truth.

2) I don't think you have a good enough handle on your mental health problems. They obscure the truth by causing you to conflate their symptoms with the functions. Almost all the patterns/behaviors you describe are compensatory or defensive in nature, i.e., not natural or inherent to personality type and thus inadequate for determining type. I hope you're getting therapy for the trauma and adhd.

3) INTP seems unlikely. You exhibit too many characteristics that contradict the type. Most importantly, I don't think using this functional stack for personal development is going to lead you in the right direction.

[beauty-and-passion]

Is it bad that you dislike Remus? I suffer from intrusive thoughts long before I knew what intrusive thoughts was and everytime I think of Remus it puts me back to the horrible feeling I had that something was wrong with me. I know the only way for intrusive thoughts to lessen is to accept them, accept Remus, but the images I imagine and the feelings I had are too strong for me to handle. Do I just dislike the character because of these experiences or should I just see a therapist?

Intrusive Thoughts aren't easy to accept, especially if you had such bad experiences, to convince yourself there was something wrong with you.

And I don't know you, nor I am an expert, but I can tell you this: intrusive thoughts are really something normal. We all have them, I have them all the time.

For example, I remember when I was in high school: one day I was cutting food in the kitchen and I thought "what if I stab my mother with this knife?". I didn't pay too much attention to the thought, until the day after, a friend of mine told me she had a similar thought while making dinner (something like: "what if I voluntarily cut my finger with this knife?").

And so, I told her about my thoughts too, we shared them and it became a lot less weird. Because it wasn't just me or her, but we both had the same ideas. So it was just fine.

Also, we knew (and we still know) ourselves. I know I would never stab someone with a knife or jump from a car or cut my arm. And she knows she would never do the same. And this helps a lot to put distance between you and those thoughts.

Also, after some researches, I found out that those thoughts are also known as l'appel du vide ("the call of the void", in English) and it's actually a very interesting mind's mechanism we don't know a lot about: that's why there are plenty of scientists and researchers working to understand it more.

And you know what they found out? That these thoughts may probably be a way of your own mind to reaffirm your desire to live. Because when you have those thoughts, your first reaction is being horrified, hating the thoughts, rejecting them and feeling bad. This way, you're actually reaffirming who you truly are: not a killer nor a bad person, but someone who wants to be alive and well and to keep alive and well all the people around you.

And all of this, thanks to one simple knee-jerk reaction to something your own mind created, as a sort of "test" for yourself.

Personally, I've never been too bothered by my intrusive thoughts. Sometimes it's a bit harder to quiet them down - especially when I'm riding a bike and my mind starts to think about me falling and dying and my funeral, until I stop them. But I actually see them more like a reminder, than a bother: since I may fall and get hurt, it's better if I pay more attention to the road and to myself.

Also, if you're an artist, another trick is directing the thoughts away from yourself. For example: I cross a bridge and look at the river down below. The thought "jump into the river" crosses my mind. So I direct it to someone else: what if I have to write a character who jumps into a river? How high should the handrail be? How should they jump? How strong the impact would be? How deep the river should be? And then, where should they go? Why? And I'll keep asking myself questions, shifting from me being surrounded by those intrusive thoughts, to me having full control of them and leading them into a brainstorming activity.

Same if I'm holding a knife and thinking about stabbing someone: what if, instead of me stabbing others, I have to write about a killer who stabs a victim? How much strength do they need? How heavy a knife should be? How sharp? Would it slip from the hand? And how many stabs should the killer give, before the victim cries for help? And where? In the kitchen, living room or on the door? Why? What were they accomplishing? Did the killer and the victim know each other?

This way, instead of imagining grim scenarios with me, I open and analyze scenarios with faceless others, characters with no name. And by asking myself questions, I think about searching for answers, instead of letting myself be passively scared.

But, as I said at the beginning, I don't know you and we're two different people. I seriously hope my words can help you, make you feel better and more reassured. But if you don't feel like this and you're still haunted by these thoughts, my advice is to seek help. A therapist will give you all the information and the help you might need, better than someone on the Internet could do.

Either way, I wish you the best and I send you my biggest virtual hug. You're young, you have a whole life ahead. I'm sure you will be able to find peace with your thoughts and be happy with yourself :)

(In the meantime, enjoy whoever character you like. But please, be kind with people like me, who enjoy the trash man a lot XD)

[inkybunny]

MIDORIYA AND A S/O WHO WAS AN ASSASSIN

Midorya was almost finished with school when he met you. He was growing so fast in popularity, the biggest candidate to be the next number 1, of course, that worried villains and paying villains are always welcome to the people who own you. You were the deadliest assassin they had, fast, precise and silent with no fear of death, you were giving all his information. It was a simple plan, luring him with a robbery, attracting him to a specific location without letting he see you and finishing the job, but, of course, killing him proved to be way harder than that.

    It was a surprise when you attacked and he was fast enough to dodge it, you knew he was fast but not enough to dodge an attack he didn't know where or if was coming at all, now, in combat, if he called for anyone it would be mission failed automatically so you needed to finish that quick. Thing is, you weren't made for long battles, you were made for single deadly strikes so the strength difference between you two became obvious quickly.

Deku didn't like the vibe you gave him, not only because you didn't use your quirk at all in the battle so he was always worried about what type of quirk it was, not only because he’s 100% sure he broke one of your ribs while releasing too much power onto you and you didn't even flinch before attacking again, not only because he didn't notice you at all at first and while he was going easy on you to try analyze the situation you almost cut his throat, not only because you didnt talk or react to any of his words. Above all, he hated your eyes, by your appearance you were almost the same age as him, maybe even younger, but your eyes had no life in them, they were… empty. 

    In a blow he managed to destroy your mask and apprehend you, bending some pipes to serve as handcuffs for your arms and legs, a bit overkill, yes, but it was what he had at that moment. He knew he should just call the police and be done with it but, looking at you, since he destroyed your mask he was able to see how innocent and pretty you looked, even with the obvious signs of bad fights, you looked so normal and cute and yet, it felt like you never felt anything, anything at all, not even anger or sadness, you looked so empty and that bothered him so so much.  

    He sitted on your side and tried his best to sound as gentle and kind as possible while talking to you, “What's your name?”, “How old are you?”, “Why do you do this?” he asked as he looked into your eyes with this sad worried look, something you never dealt before, something that filled you with rage. How DARE him treat you with PITY? WHO HE THINKS HE IS? WHO HE THINKS YOU ARE?

    He watched as he notice you were not happy, thinking it would be a nice topic he tries.

“What's your quirk?” 

    You look at him. “Great, at least that got her attention” 

“I figure, since you didn't do nothing special during the fight it was either something to boost your physical abilities or something more mental, like strategic wise, but it could be something other than that and you simply did not got the chance to use it or needed something specific to use, tho I find that quite unlikable since you seemed pretty well prepared to kill me so it would be very out of character to not bring an specific thing you needed to use your quirk” 

You kept looking at him, confused. “He didn't notice?”

  “So… What is it?“ He asked you, with some excitement in his eyes. “She doesn't seem unpleased, just confused, maybe that I was capable of noticing that much?” 

    You scoffed.

“I dont have one.”

“What?” Midorya got a little bit frustrated. “She's lying to me? Probably, but....”

“I don't have a quirk” You looked deep into his eyes, not a single trait of lying on your voice. “I’m quirkless” You said, getting your eyes off him again, looking at the ground.

    A little bit of silence filled your space as Deku was thinking about what you just told him.

“You’re amazing” You looked at him again. “You were able to fight me that well while being quirkless? That's impressive”

It's not like you never heard that before, your owners would often call your victories impressive, but never sounded that… sincere. You looked at the green haired boy as he felt more and more puzzling. “I’m Midorya Izuku, but you can call me Deku if you like” He smiled at you. “What's your name?” 

“I don't have a name, my owners call me 7B”

“Your...Owners?” You nod.

    You could not help but feel extremely comfortable next to that boy, like you could trust him, that he would not take advantage of you, which was super weird, since you just tried to kill him. Midoriya on the other hand, felt his heart grew tight as he felt you had dealt with way too many horrible things.

“Don't move?” You nod as the boy bended the pipes restraining your arms and legs, making you free again.

You got up, killing him was a no chance now, even if you tried to catch him while he was distracted you knew it wouldn't work, you are way too tired and your pain and difficulty to walk straight was an indicative your ribs were definitely broken. You were considering your particular killer alternatives while going away when you felt your arm being grabbed.

“Where are you going?” Silence. “You’re going back?”

“No, they would never take me back with a failed mission, I’m the quirkless assassin, they consider me disposable and less capable than the others, my perfect score was able to keep me alive until now but that's out the window.” - “Others?” Midorya thought with himself.

“Come with me!” You looked at him, confused. “Look, I can help you, Aizawa-sensei can help keep you safe and you can help us find those who did this to you, we can hunt them down and-”

“No”

    No? What? Why? Weren't you unhappy with that life? Didn’t you want to stop murdering people?  Midorya asked himself as he looked at your serious expression, crying for answers.

“You wouldnt understand it” You release yourself from his grip.

“I… I can't understand it if you don't tell me! They are your parents? That's who you call owners? I know it's hard to betray them but…” He stared at your back as you walked away unfazed.

    Parents. Tho is quite unlikely you came into this world with no mom or dad, even tho sometimes you think god created you from nothing to pay for the sins of your past life, your owners weren't your parents, you never had the luxury of meeting them, you don't really know if they are alive or not, not that you have any energy to desire the answer for that. No, all your memories are from inside your owners training, all your memories are being trained within those grey walls and only being out to kill.

“Do you want to live like that forever?” Deku’s voice echoed in your mind, making you angry again.

“Do you think I want to live at all?” You went back to staring at his eyes. “You can't understand it, this is all I am, I’m an useless, quirkless person but being able to force myself at maximum, training harder than anyone else, that made me be here today. How many people do you think I killed? There’s no going back ‘cause there is no back to go to, this, a murderer, is all you’ll have from me.” You felt warm tears coming from your eyes, huh, you can't remember the last time you cried. “Actually, not even that, I couldn't kill my target so, even at the only thing I ever was, I failed. You think you can fix everything with your hero bullshit? I got news for you, some things were made to be awful and there’s no fixing.”

“Do you want to bet?” 

You looked at him, his face was completely serious, bet? Bet what?

“Stay with me for a month, I can make it so you are not suspicious at all, no one will make questions.” He slowly got close to you. “ If, for this entire month, you can't find a single thing you appreciate, if living a normal life, helping people with me, can't make you feel even a little bit of happiness…” 

    Midoriya looked into your eyes with nothing other than honesty in his words. He wiped your tears with his fingers as he looked even more determined.

“I’ll let you kill me!”

“What?” You were so confused, he was saying he would give his life up? For nothing?

“You can't go back to your owners with a failed mission, right? Stay with me for a month, if I can't make you appreciate life then you can go back with the mission completed, say that I captured you to take information but you were able to escape and finish the job.”

    This boy is insane, he has to be, giving his life up for someone he just met? Or he was just so confident in his plan? Maybe he was planning on betraying you and giving you up for the cops, all those questions pop off in your head, in all the ways you could look at this it was weird and completely crazy, insane! And yet, when he standed his hand to you, to firm the agreement, there was a small part of you who wanted to accept it, a small part indeed but so so loud, you felt like the will to accept it echoed through your body as your heart skipped a bit when you looked into Midoriya's eyes and shook his hand. “Deal” you thought.

    Midorya’s smile was the prettiest thing you ever saw.

“Well, since we’re doing this, you're gonna need a name, right? It would be weird for me to call you ‘7B’” You silently looked at him, you never thought of a name for yourself before. “No ideas huh? I could have imagine” He laughed.

“What about...Shizu? You know, as in silent? Since, well your very quiet and all” The boy kept feeling a little embarrassed, he never named a person  before. “No? Thats stupid?”

    The first time in a long long time, you felt yourself smile.

“Shizu is good.”

    Midorya kept every single promise he made you, he took you to so many places, to do so many different things, you read stories for children and went with him seeing the flowers blooming, not even a week in and he won the bet. Your heart was so heavy when you told everyone the truth, way more with the friends Izuku presented to you than to Aizawa-sensei or the cops, when you helped with crashing the Assassins organization. Being completely sincere with yourself you felt happier when everyone from class 1-A accepted you even as an assassin and continued to be your friends like nothing changed than when the judge decided you were not responsible for the things you did while in the organization. 

You still remember the rush of multiple feelings you felt when the widow of one of your victims went to talk to you, as she petted your head kindly and looked at you with those very very sad eyes.

“I’m sorry for everything you had to go through” She smiled. “It's okay, it wasn't your fault, I forgive you.”

    The agonizing feeling on your throat as you fell on your knees and screamed and cried “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry” those words felt like they were trapped for so long.

    You were the one to suggest yourself as a “hero” to the police, not exactly it but that's what they call you. Your skills were very appreciated in the police force and mainly used to serve as a scout or in missions who required fast and silent work, you were technically a hero but, without a quirk, you kept doing those kinda jobs and maintaining yourself low on the hero chart. Not like you didnt like it, in fact, you were quite satisfied with things exactly like that.

       After a year or so, as Midorya were already competing into the top 3, he confessed to you, he never went away and always supported you, even when you were in your “I’m a murderer, a garbage human who dont deserve any of this” moments, he never left your side and always made sure you felt welcomed and cared for, his feelings for you developed steadily for that year and you were completely in love with him as well.

       He was the hand that helped you out of that hell, that showed you kindness and care, nothing more than natural, you fell for him considerably quickly. He was so happy when you said you loved him back and he show you off constantly, to him, getting you off that life was the best thing he ever done, as a hero or not, he can only wish for you the happiest times and he will try his dam best to make you the happiest person on earth, cause, to him, that's what you deserve. 

__________________________

BONUS: “Ah! Shizu, there you are.” Your boyfriend waved at you with the picnic caddy on his hand.

“I thought this was going to be a good spot for the flower blooming.” 

Izuku smiled and seated next to you, starting to open the caddy and put the food on the towel.

“You say that but this is the spot you choose every year!” You laughed, it was indeed, it was the spot Izuku brought you to see the flowers blooming the first time you met.

“You know” Izuku said as he finished with the food and gave you a little kiss on the cheek, he was trying his best but casual mouth kisses were a bit far for him yet. “I was thinking, we gave you a name but isn't it a little bit annoying having to deal with paperwork without having a last name? We should get you one.” 

You looked at him lovely and gave back that cheek kiss making him go a little bit red and smiled.

“I have one in mind, just, not the time yet.”

The green haired man looked at you saying “Hmmm” curious about what type of name you picked. He got two sandwiches and handed you one, your favorite, as usual, you giggle a bit and looked at the trees while taking a bite of the sandwich.

While you looked at the petals falling from not finding a space on the overcrowded trees, you felt happiness and peace. You beg the universe to let you be greedy this one more time, to be able to desire one little thing, you beg the universe as you mouthed the words taking care to not let your boyfriend read your lips, you beg the universe to grant you this one last thing and let you be named

“Shizu Midoriya” __________________________ HEY! Soooo this was fun :3 This is part of a small request I received but I had so many ideas to it I cound not help myself to write and oneshot about it Hope you guys liked it! Gonna post the request soon, dont worry

[goodshipsherlollipop]

Self-interview (but not really)

When I heard about @sherlollyappreciationweek hosting a self-interview event, I thought it would be fun to participate, so people could get to know me better as an author.  But, instead of doing a self-interview, I approached some of my readers and asked them to pose questions for me to answer.

I’m not aiming at making this about me personally.  It’s all about me as an author.  If you want to know about who I really am outside of my writing, feel free to chat with me privately.

The name of the person asking the questions will precede each section. As this interview is rather long, I will do it in two parts.

MossRose10

Q: What personal experiences or skills (in broad strokes), besides your faith, have influenced what you write about for your characters?

A: I know I see Molly differently than most people, in a more wholesome way.  When I look at her character on the show, she doesn't seem the type to have a long sexual history, but instead, seems to be someone who has devoted her life to becoming the best pathologist she can be.  I adore her character, and to be honest, I put a lot of my own traits into her - including her love of singing and faith.  My post TFP Sherlock has had his true nature restored by the events of Sherrinford.  Thus, he is emotionally stable and able to love Molly deeply. I can write him that way because I happen to have a romantic, loving husband (lucky me!). A lot of times in my married stories, I draw on experiences I've had that I have fictionalized for the characters.  I usually refer to these in author’s notes.  I also love writing about their children, and put a lot of thought and personal experience into writing for them from watching my own daughters grow.

As for the other characters, I just write them the way I feel reflects their personalities best from what I’ve observed in the show, working on fleshing out their characters more as I’ve continued 3 years worth of storyline beyond TFP. For example, my version of Mycroft has mellowed a lot and married Lady Smallwodd, and John has also become a Christian and is remarried with a son.

Q: What kinds of characters do you find most challenging to write, and what strategies do you use to write them?

A: I don’t think I necessarily have a lot of issues in writing the canon characters because I have watched the show so many times I feel I know them personally.  Probably the most challenging thing is writing for OC’s or peripheral characters I may have brought into a story that we haven't seen a lot of (like Billy Wiggins or Philip Anderson).  I must admit, I have written very little about Moriarty, because most of my stories take place after his death.

dmollyc

Q: What character is hardest to write?

A:  I kind of  addressed this one in the above answer, but I do think I'd find it difficult to write for Moriarty because I'm not sure how well I could get into the psyche of a deranged madman!

Q: Do you get any nasty reviews?

A: Thankfully, not many. Most of the negative ones are people reacting to a story out of context.  They will read a story in the middle of my chronological timeline and then complain that the characters are OOC.  When I write my continuing stories, I assume that people are familiar with the characters as I’ve written them already, so this can cause confusion.

Because of the Christian themes, I have lost readers who object to the theology I present through my characters. Obviously, I will not please everybody.

But generally speaking, people are very kind about my work when they review it, and I especially love the reviewers who immerse themselves into my world of Sherlock and Molly and embrace my post-TFP version of them.

Q: What do you like best about your stories?

A: Probably what I like best is that I've found a unique niche in the fandom in creating a whole Christian theme, and writing a lot of different stories with the same theme.  I've not seen anyone else doing that (although I'd love to see it done by others).

I enjoy writing my own continuing post-TFP happy ending for Sherlock and Molly, expanding their universe and that of the other characters from Sherlock as well.

Also, I enjoy showing Molly as someone with a belief in saving herself for marriage.  It's not going to be a popular idea for the general population, but I know many Christians can relate to that desire to keep sex for that special someone rather than experimenting with every boyfriend they date.  

I also think I do a pretty good job in writing love scenes that are steamy, but still clean, although I’m aware that some readers are more sensitive who find them too steamy.  I write using my own inner guide for how far to take things in the bedroom.  Some stories are definitely steamier than others, but there are certain graphic terms I will never use in my writing because I feel they cross the line of my own comfort zone.

Chelseamh98

Q: How have you overcome the challenges of your vision impairment?

A: This is definitely an ongoing process for me.  When I began writing, my proofreading would just consist of looking over the chapter a couple times to try to errors. I have issues when typing on my iPad because of the flat keyboard surface.  That means I often type a word incorrectly.  To help compensate for that, I have hundreds of words in my “text replacement” section, so that certain words I often mis-type automatically correct to the right word.  I have a bad tendency to hit the M instead of N or vice versa, for example.  A few months after I began publishing, someone suggested I use a text-to-speech app to help me identify incorrectly spelled words.  That did help.  I copy a chapter into the text-to-speech app and watch my chapter in a split screen as I listen to the words.  That has been a big help.  Then, this year, I discovered a free website called prowritingaid, which I now use as another editing tool, and it identifies even more spelling and grammar errors.  So now I find myself writing, proofreading as I go along several times as I write.  When the chapter is finished and I am ready to publish, I do another visual read.  Then I use the prowritingaid site as another editing step. After that, I use the text-to-speech app and listen as I read.  Finally, I copy the whole thing into Google Docs, add italics and bold type and glance through the chapter again to see if Google Docs has discovered any more errors.  It's a very long process, believe me, and it takes so much longer to do the editing and proofreading than to write! For me, the writing part is easy!

Q: Does it (visual impairment) affect the way you write?

A:  Physically, yes.  I cannot use a computer, because I need to be inches away from the screen to see what I am doing.  Sometimes I will sit at a table and write, but usually, I put three cushions on my lap and sit my iPad on top.  Over time, that method has caused me to have pretty severe tendonitis, but I have no other way to write, and it's worth the pain to keep writing! Currently, I am also dealing with frozen shoulder as part of the physical issues.

Also, I have to enlarge my text to write.  I use the Colored Note app for my chapters, set to the maximum size of 36, and when I go into Google Docs, I set the size to 25 so I can read it.

Q: What part about writing do you find the most challenging? What’s the easiest?

A:  As I mentioned above, the most difficult part is definitely the editing/proofreading process because I have to work so much harder than a normally sighted person, and it takes up a huge chunk of time.

Also, I am very particular in trying to write realistic fiction whenever possible.  That means a ton of research. For example, in my story where Molly was shot, Confronting Evil and the Truth, I researched a lot about gunshot wounds and how to care for them.  In A Honeymoon Journey, my characters went to Stratford-upon-Avon, and I researched that location thoroughly for many of the chapters.  In my latest COVID-19 series, I have followed the pandemic closely in the UK and have added many real situations that have happened there.  Research, research, research!

The easiest part is definitely writing the story itself, especially dialogue.  I can hear the characters in my head telling me what to write.  I rarely suffer from writer’s block, unless I am trying to think about how to write a mystery or crime and how to resolve it.

Aslan's Princess

Q: Where do you find inspiration? Is it something specific? Or multiple things?

A: I find inspiration mainly in two areas.  First, from watching episodes over and over and analyzing them. Second, I also find inspiration in my own life, in bringing in real experiences I am familiar with (such as pregnancy and childbirth).  Occasionally I will read a story or a review where someone tells me something that sparks my imagination. My current WIP, The Good Book, was actually inspired by a gif-set one of my readers, Penelope Chestnut showed me.  It got me wondering what would happen if Sherlock suddenly discovered the Bible (shown in TBB) in his bookcase and decided he wanted some answers about the meaning of life.

Justwritebritt

Q: What drives you to keep writing?

A: Certainly, one of the most motivating factors is hearing from readers who enjoy my work.  Readers generally have no clue what kind of power they possess when it comes to encouraging a writer to keep going.  A pat on the back is always a good thing. I wish more people could understand that.

Aside from that, though, I feel a calling from God to keep writing. I like sharing my faith through Molly (and Sherlock). My hope is that people will find my stories inspiring and encouraging.

Q: What/Who can you absolutely not write without?

A:  I cannot write without my iPad.  I use it not only to write, but to research and to watch Sherlock on Netflix.  it's my all-in-one resource!

Q: What is your favorite story you've published so far?

A: I will always love A Journey to Love, Faith and Marriage, because it is the “mothership” from which all my other stories spring, but my writing technique was not great at the beginning; there’s an obvious improvement in later chapters.  But, I am also very fond of Sherlock’s Dream of What Might Have Been.  That one tells a story of Sherlock and Molly meeting in uni, and then jumps to the canon, inserting a secret relationship (and child) throughout the series canon. I put a lot of thought into filling in Season 4 backstory as well.

Q: What (in vague terms) story are you looking forward to telling next?

A: I have a few stories in the pipeline that I am looking forward to sharing.  One that steps away from the overt Christian themes is a Pretty Woman AU.  I haven't seen anyone attempt an AU for that movie, and I look forward to sharing it.  Perhaps it will spark interest with a few more readers because it isn't heavily weighted on the Christian theme scale, but is merely one of my more whimsical, creative story ideas. It is the first story I have written that combines elements from both a movie and the Sherlock narrative.

I also have a couple of one-shots that I will publish in the timeline of my WIP Journey to a New Home, one,that deals with the topic of divorce using a Biblical perspective, plus one that sheds light on the subject of depression.

End of Padt 1.

[amwritesitall]

Sarah’s AHS Characters (+Alice and a Ship) as Songs I’m Vibing With

Masterlist

Instead of a collection of songs from one artist these are songs I’m currently vibing with? Here’s the playlist if you wanna listen (warning it fluctuates a lot because it’s just songs a vibe with at the moment). I skipped the songs I used in artist posts.

Billie Dean Howard

“24 / 7/ 365″ by Surfaces

Met, this girl down by the vine Had long tan legs and big brown eyes Seemed the type I would wanna make mine

She said nine to five, I'm killing time But twenty-four-seven, three-six-five I have to be where I feel your sunshine

One to two-step, three-step, four She's everywhere out on the dance floor She's everything you could ever want and more

Picture it. Billie Dean is at some event. She spies a girl who’s mesmerizing, killing it on the dance floor. Realizing this girl is absolutely the person she wants to be with. The line “I have to be where I feel your sunshine”!! Big Billie Dean vibes right there. In the darkness that her job sometimes entails, she’s drawn to the light of her lover. A ray of sunshine if you will.

“Heaven Falls / Fall on Me” by Surfaces

Woke up early in the mornin' Just to feel the light of day Had to open up my window Get the shadows out my way Banana pancakes for my problems Find me jamming old Jack Johnson Swear I heard them angel calls Lay outside

As Heaven falls Heaven falls

If you can’t tell, Surfaces really makes me think of Billie Dean. This goes with my explanation for the other song. Billie’s job gets pretty dark and intense. Although she never completely gets a break from her job (because she can’t just turn off being a medium) she tries to use her time away from filming and darker locations to focus on the lighter aspects of life, savoring all around her and her lover. I have no idea if what I said makes sense though.

Lana Winters

“Let’s Fall in Love for the Night” by FINNEAS

Let's fall in love for the night And forget in the mornin' Play me a song that you like You can bet I'll know every line I'm the boy that your boy hoped that you would avoid Don't waste your eyes on jealous guys, fuck that noise I know better than to call you mine

This song gives me Lana vibes in the sense that she doesn’t really want to get too attached to people. This also makes me think of how Lana is the type of lover that someone’s conservative/strict family wouldn’t want them with (because of the gay). When you go this route, it’s hard for me not to picture teenage Lana when listening to this.

Fun fact: I have a vague idea for writing a Billie Dean Howard x Reader imagine over this song.

“me & ur ghost” by blackbear

I'm not alone It's just me and your ghost And this cripplin' depression I thought I learned my lesson But, I threw out my phone And I burned all your clothes And now I'm not alone It's just me and your ghost

Now hear me out. Post break up Lana dealing with all of her memories of her ex and then burning all of their shit because Lana is lowkey that bitch. It’s a bit of a stretch, but that’s just my humble opinion on the matter.

Cordelia Goode

“If We Were Vampires” by Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit

It's not the long, flowing dress that you're in Or the light coming off of your skin The fragile heart you protected for so long Or the mercy in your sense of right and wrong It's not your hands searching slow in the dark Or your nails leaving love's watermark It's not the way you talk me off the roof Your questions like directions to the truth

It's knowing that this can't go on forever Likely one of us will have to spend some days alone Maybe we'll get forty years together But one day I'll be gone Or one day you'll be gone

Cordelia knows that one day she will die. There will be another Supreme after her and she can’t live forever. This is her coming to terms with the fact that maybe it’s for the best that she won’t stay around forever. Not being immortal allows her to live in the moment and savor all the time she has.

“PlantedInMyMind.Memo” by Charlie Burg

Saying things I don't believe And your love casts it's shadow on the things I do And I can hear so clearly all the words I'd wish I'd said You're stuck in my head But I only think of you Will we be together soon? I'm thrown on the wayside You're planted in my mind But I don't wanna be ok without you

This makes me think of an angsty Cordelia relationship like post “In Another Lifetime”?!?! Cordelia being stuck on her lover from the past 

Also makes me think of Cordelia x Misty after the events of season 3

Bette and Dot Tattler

“prom dress” by mxmtoon

I can't help the fact I like to be alone It might sound kinda sad, but that's just what I seem to know I tend to handle things usually by myself And I can't ever seem to try and ask for help

I'm sitting here, crying in my prom dress I'd be the prom queen if crying was a contest Makeup is running down, feelings are all around How did I get here? I need to know

I guess I maybe had a couple expectations Thought I'd get to them, but no I didn't

I’m not going to lie, this is a bit of a stretch.

I’m kind of getting Bette and Dot wishing they could be like everyone else. They just want that normal teen experience?

Sally McKenna

“Teeth” by 5 Seconds of Summer

Call me in the morning to apologize Every little lie gives me butterflies Something in the way you're looking through my eyes Don't know if I'm gonna make it out alive

Fight so dirty, but your love's so sweet Talk so pretty, but your heart got teeth Late night devil, put your hands on me And never, never, never ever let go

The angst! The tension! The passion! SPICY TIMES WITH SALLY

“fuck, i’m lonely” by Lauv, Anne-Marie

I call you one time, two time, three time I can't wait no more Your fingers through my hair, that's on my mind I know it's been a minute since you walked right through that door But I still think about you all the time

Sally just wants love. She’s sick of being lonely and wants to be with the person she loves. Being a ghost sucks and she wants out of that damn hotel.

Dealing with her ex that is still alive while she’s not.

Audrey Tindall

“Prom Queen” by Beach Bunny

Shut up, count your calories I never looked good in mom jeans Wish I, was like you, blue-eyed blondie, perfect body Maybe I should try harder You should lower your expectations I'm no quick-curl barbie I was never cut out for Prom Queen If I get more pretty, do you think he will like me?

Teen Audrey. I will stand by this.

Now I’m thinking about teen Audrey and my heart :(

Ally Mayfair Richards

“I Needed You” by blackbear

When I needed you the most, I needed you I fucking needed you the most, I needed you, the most Now I won't be there to give you what you need Now I won't be there, no

You know this was never really about us And everything was always 'bout you You never knew a thing about trust And I knew everything about you, what's happening Three whole years, they can go by In a blink of an eye, and you won't know it, but What a damn waste of time

You can’t sit there and tell me this doesn’t sound like Ally dealing with Ivy’s betrayal. No. There is no way this song doesn’t give off those vibes. Like sis was dealing with a ton of shit and where was her wife??? Off gallivanting and murdering with a cult because she voted for Jill Stein. 

Wilhemina Venable

“Lovesong (The Way) [feat. Bluets]” by Charlie Burg 

Now you're away with nothing to say My heart aches like never before Filled with desire, you've inspired me to write another verse

I think we're alone now You can tell me it was all just a game Yes, we're alone now But the feeling's slightly changed

But you take your time, my love Don't ever tell me that it just takes time to love As long as I'm writing this song about my love for you Is it too much to ask For a reply? Or a text? Or a way to tell you love me like before

I don’t knooowww. This just makes me think of Mina trying to deal with her feelings and possibly her significant other kind of giving up because they feel like Mina will never reciprocate their feelings. Mina does love them but it’s hard for her to express it.

“Someday” by Peach Tree Rascals

I hate the fact that you Run on mind, all damn day There she goes

Girl won't you wait for me

I settled down, I'm better now I never knew what this life was about Days got too plain, colors got dull All of the roses fell on to the floor I'll pick them up, wipe the dust Need a chance for your love For your love, for your love, ooooh I've been floating between oceans And the darkness in the sky I've been lonesome in this old shed And it's burnin through my mind

Similar to the song above, Mina hates the fact that she’s stuck on this person, but she eventually realizes that she needs this person in her life. This love really out here making her appreciate life and all the good things in it.

Basically Mina is turning into a softie.

Alice Macray

“Mariposa” by Peach Tree Rascals

I can't wait for you To come my way I've been far away But I'll keep runnin' Just to find a way to you til' then

I been running from it Tired of running from it Scared of feeling something now I'm stuck and tryna get up out of this hole

Surface level this song has some good vibes like our baby Alice. Over analyzing level is not as good vibes. This song is kind of like our baby Alice running from her feelings for someone because the thought of such strong feelings is scary for her.

Billie Dean Howard x Audrey Tindall

“Channel Orange in Your Living Room” by Charlie Burg

We met when I was drunk That party didn't actually suck You made fun of how slow I drank

But now I can't stop thinking about you Each moment passes and my thoughts return to you And the memory of us too As we listen to Channel Orange in your living room

Even when you're away That album makes me feel like you stayed To listen now would make me a fool again for you

Without a doubt, I always think of these two when I listen to the song and that’s one of the reasons why I love it so much. I’m just picturing the two of them meeting a party together and Billie taking Audrey back to her place. Then they end up thinking of each other long after the night is over.

-

You might like:  Sarah Paulson AHS Characters as Hozier Songs or  Sarah Paulson AHS Characters as Rex Orange County Songs

[wellknownwolf]

I want to move into a new phase in my relationship with fandom, as I mature with new experiences. I'm not sure what exactly that looks like though. What is your take on the parasocial affection inherent in an RPF like Rhett & Link? Or even the deep attachments that can form with fictional characters? Or a desire to emulate fantasy worlds? I'm sorry if I've made you uncomfortable with all this, it's just that it's been a long time coming, and once I got started I couldn't stop. - Natasha (5)

First, let me post the full question, since it came in 5 parts:

Hey, it's me again. Your 'mystery inquirer', as you so adorably dubbed me. You're right, I had forgotten I'd sent in that ask. Just now, I couldn't help but think about a scene from Life After, as I am wont to on a frightfully regular basis, which is what got me back here. When you said you pondered over my seemingly simple, banal question for a good while, and wrote out a beautifully thoughtful answer like you always do, it made me happy.

Your narrative voice is similar to my own, and it made my chest ache in a certain way to have gotten such a response to what felt like a random shout out into the abyss (though it obviously wasn't, I sent it directly to you, I guess it's more what it felt like taking a chance on a conversation with a random stranger online). And now I'm cringing a bit at how melodramatic all sounds. But I'm committing to it, anyway. That's the beauty of anon, eh?

Wolfie (is it presumptuous to call you that? Please do forgive me the liberty I'm taking), I must admit. I'm quite envious of this community you have with @missingparentheses, @lunar-winterlude, and other wonderful people. Since childhood, I've been head over heels in love with fandom. Not a specific fandom, I've been a traveller through dozens, but fandom in general. I've read probably thousands of fanfics, spent countless hours daydreaming about beloved characters and their stories.

To the point where, in my most recent and worst depressive episode, it may have been for the worse, if I'm honest. Escapism and yearning to the point of impairment, engendering a sense of constant bereavement. But it's taught me so much about life and its wonders, I can't write it off as just some damaging habit. It's such an integral part of who I am, a deeply curious soul (shout out to my Enneagram Type 5-ers out there!). But I don't anyone to share it with, and it can get quite lonely.

I want to move into a new phase in my relationship with fandom, as I mature with new experiences. I'm not sure what exactly that looks like though. What is your take on the parasocial affection inherent in an RPF like Rhett & Link? Or even the deep attachments that can form with fictional characters? Or a desire to emulate fantasy worlds? I'm sorry if I've made you uncomfortable with all this, it's just that it's been a long time coming, and once I got started I couldn't stop. - Natasha

.....................................................................

Thank you for giving me so much to respond to, Natasha.  Thank you for continuing to reach out.   I accidentally wrote something like a paper in response to your thoughtful question.  I even conducted a little research and cited a source.  ENGLISH TEACHER, ACTIVATE!

Also, for what it’s worth, I feel at times that I communicate exclusively through shouts into the abyss, so it’s a language with which I am at home.  In fact, it is this very technique, this experiment with intense vulnerability at the hands of a virtual stranger, that earned me one of my absolutely most-treasured friends: @missingparentheses.  I have poured out a great deal of my own melodrama to her, and she has received it and reciprocated it in a way that, three years later, continues to teach me how to be a better friend.  In short, I’m a firm believer in diving straight in when it comes to new friends.  Cringe not; I’m on board.

So let’s dive.

R&L is really only the second “fandom” with which I’ve been involved.  Third, if we count my preteen obsession with ‘N Sync (and considering how much wall space I dedicated to their posters and self-printed photos, we probably should).  My point is, while I don’t have much experience with the community facet of fandom, I do relate to your feeling of near-obsession.  Or clear obsession.  

I know the feeling of escapism you’re describing, and I know the yearning and melancholy that can come on our worst days, where we feel like “real life” will never measure up to the color and brilliance of the worlds we spend so much time considering. These worlds, these characters and their relationships, their challenges, victories, and defeats all seem so purposeful: they’re the plot points we use to craft the stories in our heads (regardless of whether we’re writers at all).  It can be much harder to view ourselves as protagonists worth analyzing, viewing and reviewing through new lenses, perhaps because we’re warned against navel-gazing, perhaps because our self-perception just won’t allow for it.  Maybe a little of both.

But yes!  It teaches us!  We DO learn about life, other people, love, risk, all kinds of things through what we consume in these fandoms, so I would never classify it as a “bad” thing.  We hone our imaginations and learn to pay attention to our own emotions as we recognize feelings from our favorite shows, games, books, and characters arising in ourselves.  

I used to be a little afraid of the fact that I was always telling myself stories, internally imagining myself as someone else, a player in the worlds I often loved more than my own.  I suspected that someday, somehow, I would be caught playing pretend all the time in my own little ways.  I was a bright and ambitious young woman, so why would I give so much of my mental energy to such frivolous pursuits?

In my first semester of graduate school, though, I learned from a Lit. Theory professor who intimidated the hell out of me that we all do this.  We’re all telling ourselves stories all the time, some of which are true and close to objective reality, some of which are more subjective to whatever fantastical (or fandom) material we last consumed.  I’ve whispered my own dialogue in the shower, but so have you whispered yours in your head (if not also out loud in your shower!).  And through this act, however it is performed, I have made those worlds part of my own.  So have you.  In this way, they are real, and I no longer feel fearful of being “found out.”  

When we have those moments of doubt, though, when we wonder whether we’re going too far, it probably stems, at least partially, from the “us v. them” divide between fandom and mainstream society.  We love our little worlds, but we also feel that twinge of anxiety that we might be bordering on obsession, that our guilty pleasure might be discovered and we will be socially punished for it, namely, as Joli Jensen writes in “Fandom as Pathology: The Consequences of Characterization,” because “the fan is characterized as (at least potentially) an obsessed loner, suffering from a disease of isolation, or a frenzied crowd member, suffering from a disease of contagion. In either case, the fan is seen as being irrational, out of control, and prey to a number of external forces” (13). According the consistent covert (and overt, at times) messages of the mainstream, “[f]andom is conceived of as a chronic attempt to compensate for a perceived personal lack of autonomy, absence of community, incomplete identity, lack of power and lack of recognition” (Jensen 17).  Yikes.  That doesn’t feel good to admit about ourselves, does it?  

Luckily, it’s bullshit.

Treating “fans” as others (outsiders, people who can’t form relationships or find fulfillment in the “real world”) “risks denigrating them in ways that are insulting and absurd” (Jensen 25).  Those who take this stance, who see fans as victims of hysteria or desperate loners, do so in order to “develop and defend a self-serving moral landscape.  That terrain cultivates in us a dishonorable moral stance of superiority, because it makes other into examples of extrinsic forces, while implying that we [members solely of the mainstream] somehow remain pure, autonomous, ad unafflicted” (Jensen 25).  In short, that us/them thinking just makes people feel better about themselves by pointing out an easily-identifiable “other.”

 I have also grappled with the concept of parasocial affection, particularly with R&L.  I was well into writing my first Rhink fic when the thought crossed my mind, “Oh my god, what if I actually met these people someday?  How would I look them in the eye?  I’d feel like a crazy person (again)!”  From the safety of the Midwest, I laughed off the thought.  And then a year or so later, they were announcing their first tour. And I was still writing, here and there, still deep in my affection for them, sometimes wrestling with the thought that I’ve devoted so much energy to people who would never know I exist.  

It doesn’t matter that the attachment was in the most obvious, tangible ways only one-sided.  As an adult who is ever-learning how to navigate the worlds of her own creation and the ones over which she has far less control, I view my intense attachment to characters both real and fictional with deep fondness.   And while I may not receive affection or attention directly from the sources (R&L, fictional characters, sports teams, who/whatever we build fandoms around), I am still earning some very real rewards for my involvement: Because of them, I found my way to a participatory culture in which I was supported and encouraged to express my creativity.  This gave me the push and interest that I needed to hone skills that have not only made me a better writer, but also a better teacher and mentor.  With fandom comes the ability to immediately strike up a conversation over shared interests. With fandom comes a sense of belonging in what we have proven is an awfully divisive world.  

Right now, I’m consuming far less fandom-related material than I did a few years ago.  I don’t really watch GMM anymore and I’m on a break from Ear Biscuits (though I still love it), Gotham ended over a year ago and I’m not in the habit of reading fics right now, and I can’t yet play the remade Final Fantasy 7, so that’s out for me, too (though I know I will fall deep into that well once the game is in my hot little hands).  This all happened by itself.  I never consciously moved away from these sources; I just floated on to other interests and other levels of interest, knowing that if and when I wanted to dig back in, I could always come back.  

I used to feel quite sad at the thought of someday “moving on” from these intense interests.  I couldn’t fathom somehow falling out of love with those bands, actors, or video games.  But for me, the transition into wherever I am now has not been painful in the least.  I’m glad I knew the intensity that I did, and I’m happy with the distance I have now. And there’s a good chance I’ll be fanatic about something else someday.  I’m looking forward to it!

 Here are some responses that I couldn’t organically fit into my essay:

Yes, you can call me Wolfie if you’d like.  That name started with @missingparentheses (her second appearance in this answer!), and quickly became a reminder to not take myself too seriously.  

Second, I don’t think I know any other Type 5s!  I’m a type 8. 

Also, here’s my MLA formatted citation for the Jensen source:

Jensen, Joli. “Fandom as Pathology: The Consequences of Characterization.”   The Adoring Audience: Fan Culture and Popular Media, Routledge, 1992, pp. 9-29.