#it's gutwrenching in the best way

[annikasevenshots]

me watching star trek picard season 3 ep 1: a visualisation presented by our best girl raffi

[bytaylorswift]

in the soc spin-off (which is 100% happening netflix told me themselves) is kaz accidentally calling jesper ‘jordie’ gonna be better or worse now we’ve seen him admit him and jesper are like brothers?

[heroes-fading]

the problem with s3 of the mandalorian is I don't care about the weird cult and whomever wrote the dialogue should face criminal charges

[kpop---scenarios]

Lose My Breath

Pairing: Han Jisung x Reader

Warning: Smut, Mentions of Blood, Death, Gutwrenching Heartbreak, Angst [18+ ONLY. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT]

Word Count: 9k

Commissioned By: @imperfectlyperfectprincess1

Everything Taglist: @wife2straykids @piscesrising01 @baby-stay92 @kisses-too-the-moon @dwaekkiiracha @rylea08 @satosugu4l @iovecb97 @lordmaahes-nsc @sailorkoss @minh0scat @pixie0627 @50-husbands @jinnies-muse @yaorzu-blog @joyofbebbanburg @number1jeonginstan @skzooluvr @jisunglyricist @ambersnowxxx @stay-tiny-things @thegingerthatwaited

@silly250 @tsunderelino @1810cl @anskiiz @ayyonoona

@31maze13

“You're coming! And that's final!” Lisa yells at you, yanking your arm to pull you off the couch.

“I just got broken up with, Lisa.” You pout. “I wanna stay in my sweatpants, eating ice cream while I cry at sad movies.”

“Y/N… babe, you've been doing that for like a month now. I need my best friend back. I need you to get back out there and back on dicks, or whatever the saying is.” She smiles.

You can't help but laugh at her, she's such an idiot sometimes. You roll your eyes, pulling your arm away from her and head to your room. “Where are you going?” She yells worriedly.

“To get ready. Where else?” You yell back, slinking into your closet. So many options but none that you truly wanted to wear. You and Jaehyun had been together for over a year and you truly thought you were going to be with him forever, but he and his big dick apparently had other plans. Lisa was right, it had been over a month and you really did need to get out and stop sulking around the house. It wasn't doing you any good.

“Wear something sexy!” Lisa yells from the living room. You groan as you move over to your section of sexy dresses, deciding to go with a black one that hugged you just right, while also showing off the perfect amount of skin. You weren't planning to hook up with anyone tonight, but free drinks were always welcome. You quickly applied some light makeup before grabbing your shoes, leaving your hair alone to do its thing.

“Wow!” Lisa exclaims. “You look even hotter than usual.” She grins.

“Yeah, yeah. Let's go.” You chuckle, pulling her out of the house. Once the two of you arrived at the club, you were already ready to go home. You looked around the dance floor and it was filled with people. The place was absolutely packed. You and Lisa weave through the crowd, heading straight for the bar. Lisa orders a bunch of shots for the two of you, sliding four in front of you. She picks up one shot, grinning at you. “Bottoms up!” She yells. You clink your glasses together, downing the shot quickly. The liquor burns the back of your throat on the way down, but it's so good. You can already feel your buzz starting to kick in after your third shot, and then your fourth, you were ready to dance. You pull Lisa to the dance floor, the two of you dancing together, swaying your hips to the beat. You can feel the bass thumping through the floor as you let the alcohol take over your body. It was such a freeing feeling for you.

Lisa smiles at you as you feel a pair of hands slide onto your hips. “Mind if I dance with you?” Someone whispers in your ear. You turn your head, seeing one of the most handsomest men you have ever seen in your life. His dark brown hair, his brown eyes, his dazzling smile. You were hooked on him immediately and you didn't even know his name.

“I'd love that.” You say back, he moves his body closer to yours, pressing his crotch against your ass. He wraps his arms around you, the both of you moving perfectly to the music, it was like your bodies connected like a puzzle. You turn around, wrapping your arms around his neck, he smiles at you, leaning in close to you, his lips brushing against your ear.

“Do you know who I am?” He whispers, pulling back so you can see his face again.

“Should I?” You ask, with a slight laugh.

“Nope.” He grins. “Wanna get a drink?”

You nod your head and he grabs your hand, pulling you through the crowd of people. You look back seeing Lisa dancing with another guy, cheering you on. You felt so giddy as he sat beside you at the bar, his hand resting on your exposed thigh. He was so handsome, you were sure he had to be a movie star or something.

‘What would you like to drink?” He asks.

“Two shots of tequila, please!” You smile. He looks at the bartender, holding up four fingers. “Four shots of tequila.” He yells. The bartender nods his head, beginning to pour your shots.

“What's your name?” He asks you, his hand still resting on your thigh.

“Y/N.” You smile. “What's your name?” You ask.

“You really don't know?” He laughs. You shake your head. “I really don't.”

“Han Jisung.” He says, looking at you with one eyebrow raised, like he's waiting for something to click.

“It's nice to meet you, Han Jisung.” You giggle, leaning in a little closer.

“You can call me Han. Or Jisung. Whatever.” He says, also leaning in a little closer. Your eyes are locked to each other.

“Okay, Han.” You partially whisper, your eyes locked with his.

“Okay, Y/N.” He replies. The bartender sets the shots directly in front of you, but you just can't seem to tear your eyes away from his. You wanted him so fucking badly.

“You guys gonna take these shots?” The bartender asks.

You both come out of your almost spell, smiling at each other, you both grab a glass, clinking them together before taking your shot, and same with the last one. You set down your glass, Han stares at you.

“You wanna get out of here?” He asks. Excitement fires up in your stomach as you eagerly nod your head. Han holds his hand out for yours. You grab onto it, searching for Lisa. You find her dancing but watching you. You mouth to her your leaving, she sends you two thumbs up before Han whisks you away and out of the club. He pulls you onto the sidewalk, it's dark, barely anyone else is out there. He pulls you in closely, his hand caressing your cheek as he leans in. He gently presses his lips to yours, making the kiss slow, passionate and meaningful. But you want more. You slip your tongue into his mouth, he welcomes the harshness of your lips against his. His hand moves to the back of your head, yanking a clump of hair, making you moan into his mouth.

You're so fucking horny, you needed him now. Han pulls away from you, catching his breath. “My hotel is 3 blocks away.” He points in the direction.

“Let's go.” You smile. Hand in hand the two of you quickly make your way to his hotel. You just knew this was going to be a night you were going to remember. The two of you scurry into the lobby of the hotel, sneaking past the front desk heading towards the elevator. Han presses the button and you both stand there in silence waiting for it to come down. Your body is jittery and needy as you wait, you just wanted him to rip your dress right off of you and do whatever he wanted. You let out a sigh of relief as the elevator doors open up, Han pulls you inside quickly pressing the 15th floor, urging the doors to close. When they do, he turns and smiles at you. It feels like the elevator is spinning but before you know it, you're being pulled towards his room. He puts his key against the lock, automatically unlocking the door. He pulls you inside, locking the deadbolt and top lock.

“You think someone is gonna break in?” You giggle as he turns back around to you.

“I just don't want to be interrupted.” He smiles, walking up to you. You back up, falling back onto the bed. You move yourself up further onto the bed.

“Are you on birth control?” He asks. You nod your head. “IUD.” You whisper.

“Good.” He smiles.

Han crawls on the bed, lifting up your dress. You help him, taking it off, tossing it to the floor. He slowly pulls your panties from your body, dropping them wherever. You help him out by discarding your bra, exposing your breasts. Han spreads your legs, memorizing every curve and crevice of your body. He licks his lips and smiles as he moves towards your open legs, your pussy already dripping wet. He lowers his head slowly, spreading your lips open with his fingers before licking a slow strip up your clit. He moves his tongue slightly, letting the tip give your clit a few small kitten licks. Your fingers slide into his hair, gripping it as you let out a loud moan.

“Fuck" you cry. It’s been too long since you’ve had a tongue down there.

He begins to move faster, your hips circling with his tongue, your body urging you to get off. You can't help but to grind yourself into his face.

“Shit that feels so fucking good" you cry. Han picks up his pace, moving his tongue in every direction, your orgasm building fast.

“Please don’t stop. Just like that” you scream. "Don't stop. Oh god."

Your breath hitches as his hands grip your thighs, fingers digging in as he steadies himself in-between your legs.

“I’m.. I’m gonna cum" you cry, your hands moving from his hair to the bed sheets, gripping them so tightly your knuckles turning white. You move your hips faster, needing your orgasm to take you over now. A few more licks from Han's delightful tongue and your orgasm rushed through your entire body. Han moves from between your legs, but you don’t move. You can't. You lay there attempting to catch your breath as your chest heaves up and down, no words or thoughts forming.

You barely manage to open your eyes enough to make eye contact with Han. He smiles at the sight of you. You watch him lick his lips, lapping up any of your excess fluids. “Do you need a few minutes or can I fuck you now?” He asks, a slight eagerness in his voice.

“Fuck me” you breathe.

You maintain eye contact as he strips his shirt off, your mouth practically watering at the sight of him. You feel yourself almost ready to drool, after Han takes off his pants and boxers, allowing his large, thick and veiny cock to spring free.

Han smirks as he looks down at his very erect cock before looking back at you. “It's not going to suck itself.” He says.

A wide grin appears on your face as you sit up and crawl towards him. You slide off the bed and directly onto your knees and open your mouth up widely, taking in as much of him as you could. He begins starting slowly, gently thrusting himself in and out of your mouth. With every pump, his thrusts become harder and faster as he snaps his hips harshly. Tears begin forming in your eyes as he rams his cock down your throat.

Almost as quickly as he began, he pulls himself out of your mouth, stumbling back while catching his breath.

"I can't cum yet." He says, pulling you up off the floor before pushing you back on the bed. He quickly grabs a condom, rolling it on his cock.

He spreads your legs before lining himself up with your entrance. Slowly he pushes his large cock inside you, stretching your walls. He gives you almost no time to adjust, as he begins slowly pumping in and out of you.

His thrusts are slow but powerful, making you shiver every time he thrusts himself in, hitting your G spot without a problem. Without a word, his pumps quicken as he consistently rams himself into your dripping pussy, fucking you harder.

Han places his hand in-between your legs, spreading your lips to place his thumb on the exact spot you needed it. He begins rubbing you as he continues to fuck you. After a few more thrusts and quick circles from his thumb, a quick and sudden orgasm washes over you, pulsating through your body, leaving you breathless.

Han slams himself into you, and a few hard, and fast thrusts later he cums into the condom. After milking himself dry, he half collapses on top of you, as you both try to catch your breath. He rolls off of you, offering the shower for you to go and clean yourself up. You happily take the offer, enjoying the large shower and different soaps.

“Come lay down.” Han says, patting the spot beside him. He tosses you a shirt to put on before you crawl into bed with him, and you both quickly doze off with his arm draped over you.

When you woke up, you glanced at the clock, 4:53 in the morning. You roll out of the bed, quietly grabbing your belongings as Han lays in bed, peacefully sleeping, sprawled out on the bed. You walk over to the desk, writing a small note, thanking him for an amazing night, and apologizing for having to leave before he wakes up. You quickly slip on your underwear, take off the shirt he gave you, and put your dress on instead. You're holding your shoes as you sneak out of the room, rushing down the hallway towards the elevator. You felt like a woman of the night, sneaking out of a hotel room in the early hours of the morning. But you didn't get any form of payment so technically, you weren't. The judgment you could feel from the front desk workers said otherwise though.

You walk out of the hotel, waving down a cab. You get in, telling him your address to head home. You had an amazing night, but the only thing you regret about the entire thing is that you didn't leave him your number, but if it's meant to be then you both would find your way back to each other. You arrived home, paying your fare and heading into your building. You go straight into the shower, scrubbing your body, washing your hair until you finally feel clean. You dry yourself off, slipping into your pj's before crawling into your bed, drifting off to sleep very easily.

Later on in the day, you wake up, unfortunately. You really wanted to sleep longer but you glanced at your phone, seeing it was already 1pm, and you had about a million messages from Lisa. You opened up your chat, seeing her asking about your night and begging you to tell her if you hooked up with the man from the club or not. She was so desperate for you to get over Jaehyun and get under someone else. You knew she was going to be proud of you for actually doing it. You pressed the call button, and you swore the phone didn't even ring before she answered it.

“What happened!?” She yells. “Did you hook up? Please tell me you hooked up with him.” She gasps.

“Jesus, hello to you too.” You chuckle. “Yes we hooked up.” You say, thankful she can't see the large smile on your face.

“Yes! You slut! I love it!” She screams. “Let's go for lunch.” She suggests.

“I'm so nauseous.” You laugh. “Too much tequila.”

“We need tacos.” She says.

“Oh fuck, yes. Let's meet at Las Palapas.” You say.

“See you there in 30 minutes.” She screeches, hanging up the phone. You groaned loudly. Why did you suggest that? You just wanted to lay in bed and die, but instead you got up and headed to your closet, putting on leggings and a shirt, throwing your hair up and slipping on some tennis shoes. You grab your bag, breathing through your nausea as you head out to meet Lisa.

The tacos and margaritas definitely helped your hangover, you felt better as you and Lisa headed back to your apartment. She was trying to convince you to go out again that night and you weren't sure if you were gonna be up for it.

“You said you wanted to run into him again! What if you do tonight?” She squeals.

“I don't think I can.” You laugh. “I need to go to bed. I feel like a bag of shit.” You groan.

“Okay okay. I get it. Let's go watch some movies and eat some treats? Mhm?” She grins.

“That's perfect.” You say, linking your arms with hers as you head back to your apartment with your best friend.

**

A few months later, you're sitting in your bathroom, your entire body shaking as you wait. You look at the timer on your phone, 30 seconds left. You had been so nauseous for months, cramping, tender breasts. You didn't get your period anymore with your IUD, but you and Han had used a condom as well, there's no way you could be… right? Your phone beeps, telling you the 3 minutes is up. You pick up the small stick, turning it over. Tears instantly fall down your cheeks as you see the two lines, clear as day on the test.

“How am I pregnant?” You cry, setting the test back on the counter. You drop your head into your hands, sobbing. How the fuck were you supposed to get into contact with Han to let him know? You grab your phone, still sobbing as you scroll through your contacts, looking for Lisa's number. Your brain was scrambled, you could barely think. You scroll down, seeing a name you recognized but didn't know you had in your phone.

“Han Jisung.” You whisper. You click on the contact, placing the phone up to your ear.

“Hey there stranger.” He laughs, answering the phone. “It's been months. Didn't you know I put my number in your phone?” He asks.

You sniffle. “Han.” You cry.

“What happened? What's wrong?” He asks.

“I'm-I'm pregnant.” You whisper.

The call is silent. Han doesn't say anything. “Are you there?” You ask.

“We used a condom. You said you had an IUD.” He partially yells. “Or did you lie to me?” He asks.

“I didn't lie to you.” You say. “I do have an IUD. I don't know how this happened.” You cry.

“Do you even know who I am? This will ruin my fucking life and my goddamn reputation!” He yells. “Fuck!”

“It's not my fault! Maybe your condom was faulty!” You snap back.

“Yeah well we'll get this shit taken care of.” He snaps, hanging up the phone. You sit there still crying and now shaking even harder. What did he mean about his reputation? You click on Google on your phone, searching his name.

“Han Jisung… member of popular k-pop group Stray Kids…” You murmur. “Oh fuck. He's really fucking famous.” You gasp.

What the hell were you gonna do?

You waited for days. You waited for something, anything really from Han. But nothing came. Until the fourth day, when you had a knock at your door. You open it, and the man standing there, shoves an envelope at you before walking away. He said absolutely nothing to you.

You closed the door, walking to your kitchen table to open it. Pulling out a letter practically demanding you to come to Korea to have your IUD safely removed, while also having a DNA test done on your unborn child. You emptied the rest of the contents, dropping a one way plane ticket onto the table.

One that left tomorrow. You truly did not have much time to make your decision but you absolutely wanted to prove to Han and his agency that he was the father of your child. You hadn't been with anyone else since Jaehyun and that timeline just doesn't fit.

You left the papers down on the table, heading to your bedroom. You went into your closet, pulling out your suitcase, packing anything and everything you could think of that you'd need. You didn't know how long you would be there but you were going to make damn sure that Han was present for everything for his child.

“I'm gonna miss you.” Lisa sighs, hugging you tightly. “If you need anything and I mean anything, call me. And I'll be on the first flight there.” She finishes, pulling away from you.

“Thank you. I'll keep you updated on the shit show that is my life.” You sigh, grabbing your luggage and passport, heading into the airport. You sit in your assigned seat, anxiously waiting for the plane to take off. You feel like your heart is going to beat out of your chest as it begins to move. It's only a 9 hour flight. You could do this. You got this.

And you did. You slept almost the entire flight except when it was time to eat. You ate your meals and snacks before dozing back off again. The flight definitely didn't feel like 9 hours, it really only felt like a quick few hour flight and before you knew it the plane touched down in Korea, and you were ready to prove you weren't lying about anything.

Once you were off the plane, You grabbed your checked bag and headed out towards the doors of the airport. You almost missed him, the man standing, smiling holding up a sign with your name on it.

“Hi.” You smile. He nods to you, reaching for your luggage, taking it from you while motioning you to follow him. You do, looking around at the beautiful building, and all the gorgeous people who surrounded you. The man leads you to a car, opening the door for you before he puts your luggage in the trunk and then gets into the driver's seat, taking you away from the airport and hopefully to a hotel, where you could shower and rest before getting into it with everyone. But apparently that was wishful thinking.

The driver pulls up outside of a hospital. You knew it. They wanted to try and prove you were lying immediately. Jokes on them though. You take a deep breath, walking inside the building and immediately you're swarmed by 3 or 4 nurses, dragging you towards the elevator, everyone talking at once so you can't understand anything that's being said. Once you're in the elevator, you're taken up to the 4th floor. The nurses get out of the elevator, making space for a man to walk to you. You step off the elevator, he extends his hand for you to shake.

“Hi Y/N.” A man says. “Welcome.”

“Are you… JYP?” You ask.

“I'm not. I'm his assistant, Joshua.” He says. “And I want to apologize on behalf of JYP for this. It may seem unnecessary to you but this cannot get out. It's important we have all the correct information to be able to spin it properly.” He says. He brings you to a hospital room, guiding you inside. “Please, change into this gown and the doctors will get started soon.”

You do as you're told, wandering into the bathroom to get changed. You come out, placing your clothes on a chair before climbing into the bed.

“Where's Han?” You ask, just as Joshua was leaving the room.

“Han will be involved if the paternity comes back as his child.” He says, getting on the elevator.

“Hi, Y/N. I'm doctor Kim. I'll be removing the IUD for you and Dr. Lee will be doing the paternity testing.”

A nurse comes over, beginning an IV in your arm. “What is this?” You ask.

“Just something to help keep you calm.” Dr. Kim smiles through his mask. “Don't worry, the baby will be perfectly safe.”

The nurse hooks you up to the machines, you can feel the drugs beginning to help. You're relaxed and feeling so good. You barely feel Dr. Kim doing what he needs to do, you actually doze off for a minute while he works on you. When he's finished, your body feels weird but before you can ask him anything about it, another doctor walks in, sith a large thin needle.

“Hello, Y/N. I'm Dr. Lee.” He smiles.

“What is that?” You ask, feeling a little anxious about the big needle.

“This is for paternity testing. What I'm going to do is insert this needle into your abdomen, and take out some amniotic fluid, for the testing. We've already collected Han’s sample to compare it. So we'll have your results in a few hours.” He explains.

You nod your head, closing your eyes tightly. “You're going to feel a little poke.” He murmurs, inserting the needle into your stomach. You gasp loudly, wanting, no, needing it to be over quickly. Seconds later he pulls the needle out of your stomach, leaving the room with your sample. You lay there, breathing. In a few hours, they would all find out the truth and you couldn't wait. Your eyes begin to get heavy. It had been a long and stressful day,especially with the time difference. It didn't take you long to doze off, peacefully. Unfortunately you only got to sleep for a few hours before the doctors came back into your room.

“We have some news.” Dr. Kim begins. “While taking out the IUD was successful, there seems to have been a few complications. Which means you'll need to be on bed rest.” He explains.

“For how long?” You whisper.

“At least 2 months. Maybe three.” He announces.

“I'm here alone! I don't know, like, anyone! How am I supposed to be on bed rest here?” You cry. “Just let me fly home and I'll be on bed rest, I promise.” You say.

“You can't fly, Y/N.” Dr. Kim states. “Complete bed rest. Only getting up to use the bathroom. That's it.”

“Will it be here?” You ask, nervously.

“No.” Joshua says, stepping into the room. “You'll be moved to Han's dorm, with his band mates.” He says.

“Does this mean…” You trail off.

“Han is the father, yes.” Joshua sighs. You could see it in his eyes that he hated the fact that it came back that Han is the father.

“A nurse will be coming by with a wheelchair shortly.” He murmurs, looking down at his phone. “I have to take this. But I'll be waiting downstairs for you.” He finishes walking away.

You breathe a sigh of relief. There. Now he would know that you weren't lying. This really was his child. You knew he was likely scared. Hell, you were fucking terrified. But you were going to figure it out because that's what you do. A few minutes later, a smiling nurse walks into your room, pushing a wheelchair. “Let's get you dressed and then you can be on your way.” She says, helping you off the bed and into the bathroom. You were very slow moving, your body was sore, you felt weak. You really just wanted to sleep. You were nervous to go to Han's dorm. He reacted poorly to the news of your pregnancy, but you hoped that now that he's had time to process the information, he would be more excited.

Joshua stands beside a car as the nurse wheels you up to him. You slowly get up, sliding into the back seat of the car as Joshua gets into the front to drive.

“What about my suitcase?” You ask, remembering the man who picked you up from the airport only hours ago.

“It's already at the dorm.” Joshua replies, his eyes staying on the road. You nod your head as you watch out the window, admiring the beautiful structures of the city, watching the people as he goes down each road. With every turn of the car, you got more nervous. Soon you'd be facing Han and you honestly had no idea what you were going to say to him.

Joshua stops the car in front of a building, coming around the side to open your door and help you out of the car. “Come on, you heard what the doctor said. You have to stay in bed.” He says, helping you up the stairs to the door. He opens the door, revealing seven men sitting in the living room talking. As soon as you walk in, the entire room goes silent. They all sit and stare at you, until one of them gets up, a large smile on his face.

“You must be Y/N.” He grins, pulling you in for a hug. “I'm Chan. If you need anything, please don't hesitate to ask.” He says.

“Yeah, yeah, we can do this later. She needs to be in bed.” Joshua grumbles, guiding you to a room. He opens the door, revealing a very plain room with a queen size bed in the middle. Your suitcase was emptied and put away, all your clothes either hung up in the closet or were put away in the drawers. Luckily you were still wearing comfy clothes, and had absolutely no ambition to change, so you crawled into bed, getting cozy under the blankets.

“I've left my number on your bedside table should you need anything. Or any of the boys know how to reach me. Don't hesitate to call.” He says, giving you a half smile before leaving the room.

You roll over facing the wall. You close your eyes, but before you can fall asleep the door creaks open. You turn your head to look and see Han standing there.

“Han.” You whisper, sitting up the best you can.

“Don't.” He harshly snaps. “I know you fucking planned this. You knew who I was didn't you? You're just some low class whore looking for a payday, huh?” He spits.

“I didn't know who you were!” You yell. You can feel the tears threatening to fall from your eyes. You didn't want to cry. Not in front of him. “I swear to god, I didn't plan this.”

“Yeah, we'll see about that. I don't want this kid, so tomorrow I'll have someone take you to the clinic and get it taken care of. Then you can go back home and we can fucking forget about it all.” He says.

“What?” You gasp. “No, absolutely not. I'm not getting rid of our baby.” You whisper.

“Don't. Don't say our baby. It's not ours if I don't want it. 9am, tomorrow.” He says, walking out of the room, slamming the door behind him. You weren't sure how, but you were going to protect your child, no matter what.

You cried yourself to sleep that night. You didn't want the next day to come. You didn't want Han to barge into the room demanding that you go to a clinic. So the next morning when there was a faint knock at your door, your stomach dropped and anxiety flowed through your entire body. The door opens, and Chan's head peeks around the corner.

“Hi.” He smiles. “Han has a schedule today, so he's not here. He said you wanted to go to the clinic today and asked me to take you.” He whispers.

You sit up in bed, shaking your head. “He wants me to go to the clinic today.” You say. “I don't want to.”

“He wants you to… get…” he trails off. You nod your head, crying again.

“I know you don't know me, but I know Han.” He says, walking into the room. “He's scared. He's terrified about what this means for the group and him as an artist. If it gets out it has the potential to ruin him. And I know he's not handling it very well. But if you need anything. One of us will always be home. Please just yell out if you need anything. Okay?” He says.

“Thank you.” You whisper. Chan leaves the room, and you curl back up in bed, feeling a little more relieved, and like someone finally has your back. A little bit later, you decide to get up and go to the bathroom. The only problem is, you weren't sure where the bathroom was. You were sure it wouldn't be an issue for you to get up and wander around to find the bathroom. You really need to stretch your legs, have a shower, and also eat something. You crawled out of bed, shuffling your feet to the dresser to grab some new clothes before heading to the door. You opened it a crack, peering out to see if anyone was there. But there was no one. You go into the hallway, walking slowly and carefully, looking in each door. All bedrooms.

“What are you doing?” You hear from behind you. You jump at the sound of the voice, turning around.

“I was just looking for the bathroom.” You whisper to the unknown man.

“Oh.” He smiles. “It's this way.” He says, pointing in the opposite direction.

“Thank you.” You say, walking towards him.

“I'm Changbin. It's nice to meet you, Y/N.” He smiles.

“It's nice to meet you too. Thank you for your help.” You say.

“It's not a problem. Let me know if you need anything else.” He says, walking away. You walk into the bathroom, placing your clothes on the counter before you start the shower.

Once you were done, you felt so much better. You dried yourself off, got dressed and placed your clothes back into your room before heading towards where you thought the kitchen was.

You see Changbin again with another man, who looks at you with wide eyes. “What are you doing up? Bed rest means bed rest!” The man says, scolding you.

“I'm hungry.” You say. You felt embarrassed, even though you shouldn't. You couldn't help it.

“Here, on the couch. We'll order or make you something.” He says. “I'm Jeongin by the way.”

“Thank you.” You smile, settling down on the couch. Jeongin hands you the remote before heading back to the kitchen with Changbin. As you scrolled through shows you could hear them whispering about neither of them knowing how to cook.

“Let's just order her something.” Jeongin says. Changbin agrees.

You pick a show, settling in on the couch. 20 minutes later there's a knock at the door. Changbin rushes towards the door, answering it, grabbing a large bag of food from the delivery driver before paying him. He sets it down on the coffee table in front of you, grinning widely.

“Let's eat!” He exclaims as Jeongin comes to sit on the couch as well. The three of you eat your food, laughing at the TV show while enjoying your delicious food. You had almost forgotten about what Han had wanted you to do this morning. A few hours later the front door opens, and Han walks in.

He looks at you, Jeongin and Changbin hanging out and immediately looks displeased. “The fuck is going on?” He asks.

“We were just hanging out with her. She needed to eat.” Changbin says, shrugging her shoulders.b

“Did you do what I told you to do today?” Han asks you.

“No.” You whisper.

“What the fuck, Y/N!” He snaps. “I asked you to do one thing! And this one thing would take care of the whole fucking situation you got us into!” Han spits.

“Han…” Jeongin says. He ignores him.

“Last time I checked, it takes two to make a fucking baby.” You snap back. “I'm sorry you don't want it. I'm sorry that you think I'm purposefully trying to ruin your life, and I'm sorry that I had to come all the way here for this shit. Believe me I tried to get the doctors to let me go back home so I wouldn't be a burden to you but I can't. I'm stuck here, where I'm clearly unwanted, with a baby that's unwanted by its father. You don't think that's hard on me?” You scream.

Hans' face drops. He stares at the floor for a second before his hateful look is back. “Whatever. Just stay out of my way. You guys can look after her then.” He says, storming out of the living room.

The hormones are too strong. You begin to sob on the couch, and it was awkward. Changbin and Jeongin didn't know what to do. They look at each other, worried. Until the front door opens again, in walking more people you didn't recognize and Chan.

“Why's she crying?” Chan asks. “What happened?”

“Han happened.” Changbin sighs. “He's really fucking mean.”

“Y/N.” Chan sighs. “Don't listen to him.”

“Yeah, don't listen to him. He's an idiot.” Another one says. “I'm Felix. This is Hyunjin, Seungmin and Minho.” He says, introducing the rest of them.

You wipe away your tears, trying to force a smile, waving to them all.

“I know what we need.” Felix pipes up again. He looks at Changbin and smiles.

“Movie night.” They both speak at the same time. Seconds later everyone is rushing around, a few leaving to go get snacks, others debating on which movie to watch. They made you feel so included, asking you what movie you wanted, what snacks you wanted. They included you in conversations, even if you had no idea what they were talking about. They were all so fun and kind, and you were starting to feel better about the entire situation.

Everyday you were feeling better and better about where you were and who you were with. At least when Han wasn't around. One day Chan showed up at the dorm with a pen and a journal, to help you let out your anger and frustrations, especially since you couldn't do anything else. Over the next two months, your stomach grew, the baby started kicking and all the boys were so excited. Always touching your stomach to feel the kicks, they waited on you all the time, getting you whatever craving you were feeling that day. They were like the big brothers you never had but always wanted. You were happy, until Han came back home. And sometimes you were alone in the dorm when he was back and he was cold towards you, and if he spoke to you he was hurtful and rude.

Until one day he stopped saying mean things to you and he began being nicer. Everyday he came back home and smiled at you. He started helping you, even if you had asked one of the others to do it. He was present and different. It was like something suddenly changed. Han walked into the dorm, 3 months after you'd been there on bed rest, and he smiled at you. Like he had for the last few weeks and it was as gorgeous as ever.

“How um, how are you feeling?” He asks.

“I'm feeling okay.” You murmur.

“That's good. Oh, uh Joshua wanted me to let you know that you have an ultrasound next week. He said you can find out the sex of the baby.” He tells you.

You perk up. “Really? Oh I've been waiting for that.” You smile.

“Would I…be able to come?” He asks. “I'd like to find out too.”

“I thought you didn't want the baby.” You say. It still hurts to think about that. The fact that he so desperately wanted nothing to do with you or your child.

“I didn't… to be completely honest with you, I'm so fucking scared. I'm scared of what this means for me…for the group. I'm scared of everything. But I've been listening to the guys over the last few weeks, talking about you and the baby, gushing about what it's going to be like to have a baby at the dorm and how excited they are. So I started doing some research… and I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the way I treated you. I'm sorry for the way I handled everything. Being scared isn't an excuse, I'm sure you're scared but I didn't think about you or how my actions and words affected you.” He says.

You want to believe him. You wanted things to be okay between the two of you but how could you? He'd been so nasty towards you and suddenly he comes back home apologizing and wanting to be involved? That scared you. What happens if he gets scared again and turns back into the nasty man he had been before?

“Is that why you've been so nice lately?” You ask. He nods his head. “I appreciate you saying that. I'm terrified and this hasn't been easy. But if you want to be involved, I need to know you're in it for the long haul. And you're not gonna switch up on me.” You say.

“I am. Totally and 100% I am in it. I won't go back.” He urges.

“And it's gonna take time.” You tell him.

“Whatever it takes.” He smiles.

The next week, Han is helping you down the stairs of the dorm, heading to the car for your appointment. He opens the car door for you, before rushing around to the other side to sit next to you in the back. You both buckle in as the driver takes off to the clinic.

“What do you think it'll be?” You ask Han as you lay on the bed waiting for the tech.

“Honestly I think it's gonna be a girl.” He laughs.

“So do I!” You say. “A healthy baby is the goal.”

“Absolutely.” Han smiles. “I promise you, Y/N. I'm gonna love that baby with everything I have.”

The technician walks into the room, greeting you both before getting to work. After taking all the necessary pictures, she looks at the two of you. “Would you like to know the gender?” She asks.

“Yes!” You both say.

“Okay.” She giggles. “Well… it looks like you're having a healthy little…. Girl! Congratulations.” She says.

“A girl.” You whisper. You look up at Han with tears in your eyes.

“A healthy baby girl.” He responds, placing a kiss on your forehead.

A little while later the two of you head back inside the dorm. Han helps you up the stairs, helping to guide you into the dorm, where six men stand around, eagerly anticipating the news.

“What is it!?” Jeongin yells.

“What are we having!?” Changbin asks, making you and Han laugh.

“We are proud to announce…” You pause, glancing over at Han.

“We're having a healthy baby… girl!” Han yells. The living room erupts into cheers as they all rush towards the two of you, congratulating you both. Everyone was so happy, until Chan rushed into the dorm. You turn to tell him the good news but he looks worried.

“What's wrong?” You ask.

“We've got a problem.” He sighs. “Somehow the news broke about Han becoming a dad. It's everywhere online. There's even pictures of the two of you.” He says, showing you both his phone. You see pictures of Han helping you to the car, your hand resting on your belly. Pictures of you both walking into the clinic, and walking out happy and excited.

“Who would do this?” You gasp.

“You'd be surprised how crazy fans get over their favs.” Felix mentions.

“What do we do?” You say, looking between Chan and Han.

Han looks at you and smiles. “It'll all be okay. I promise.” He says, squeezing your hand. You wanted to believe him, but you weren't sure if he even believed it.

Over the next few weeks, everything had gone downhill. Han was gone so much trying to figure out who leaked the story and how to handle everything. While you spent your days reading the comments online.

“What an ugly fucking bitch. How dare she trap hannie!”

“She must have drugged him! There's no way he'd willingly sleep with her.”

“She's totally just using him for his money. I bet the baby isn't even his!”

“If I see her out, I'll kill her myself!”

You spent your days crying over all the mean comments you kept receiving. You didn't know these people, how could they make such vile comments about you? They didn't know what really happened, not that they'd believe you anyways. Han constantly told you everyday to stay off the internet and not to read the comments. But you couldn't help it. You had never done anything to anyone, you couldn't wrap your head around what they were saying about you.

“Oh baby.” Han murmurs, walking into his room. He sees you sitting on his bed, tears in your eyes as you read the multiple death threats from the same person that managed to find your Instagram.

“This person wants me to die so badly.” You whimper.

“No baby, no. You can't be reading this stuff. Those people aren't fans. They're just people who can't be happy if we're happy.” He sighs.

“Are you happy?” You ask.

“Unbelievably happy. I promise you.” He smiles. “The reason I came in here was because I have good news.” He says, helping you and your belly out of the bed.

“What is it?” You sniffle.

“You are officially off bed rest!” He yells.

“Oh my god. Really!?” You exclaim. “Finally!” You were so happy, you were going fucking crazy being stuck in bed or on the couch for the last few months.

“So to celebrate, I thought we could go do some baby shopping?” He smiles. “We need a lot. And I didn't want to go get anything without you.”

“You're so sweet.” You pout. “Yes please! Let's go!” You say, ready to waddle out of the room. Han helps you slip on your comfiest shoes, before taking your hand in his, leading you out to the car.

The two of you head into the first store, where you pick out a crib, and a car seat. You walk down the street hand in hand, looking in the windows of other stores, cooing at the adorable baby girl clothes that were on display.

“Oh shoot.” Han says, feeling around his pants pocket. “I left something in the car. Stay here.” He smiles, placing a kiss on your lips. “I'll be right back.” You watch him run back down the street, not terribly far from where you were.

“It's you.” You hear from behind you. “The one who stole my man.” You turn around seeing a disgruntled woman standing in front of you.

“What?” You ask. Trying to wrap your brain around what was happening. But she gave you no time.

“He's mine!” She screams, lunging towards you. You feel a sharp, piercing pain in your stomach. Your mouth hangs open as you look down. She plunges the knife deeper into your stomach. You gasp for air as she twists it. You can hear Han screaming for you. He runs towards you, and the lady rips the knife out of your stomach, dropping it before taking off. You immediately collapse to the ground, blood spilling from your stomach, and seeping from your mouth.

“Y/N. Baby… breathe. Stay with me.” He begs. “Someone call an ambulance! Please!” He cries. “Someone help me! Please help me!” He screams, putting pressure on your wound.

It didn't take long for the ambulance to show up. They worked quickly as a bloody Han stood back, in shock. “We're losing her!” The paramedic yells. They swiftly put you in the back of the ambulance, Han climbing in after you. He holds your hand as they work on you.

“Please.” He cries. “Please save them… please don't let them die.”

“Sir. You need to wait in the waiting room.” The nurse urges him, as he tries to follow you into the emergency room. He stumbles back as he watches them roll you back and out of sight. He pulls out his phone, his hands covered in your almost dried blood. He dials the one number he knew would be able to get them all here.

“Chan.” He cries.

“Did you do the proposal? Did she say yes?” Chan asks.

Han had completely forgotten about the ring box that bulged out of his pocket now. Had he not forgotten it in the car, maybe this wouldn't have happened. Or had he brought you to the car with him, maybe you'd be wearing it right now. But he had a plan. He wanted it to be perfect and he hadn't wanted you to see what he was grabbing from the car.

“She… she was stabbed.” Han sobs. “T-They took her back… I don't know if she's alive. I don't know if my baby is alive.” He whispers.

“We're on our way.” Chan yells, hanging up the phone.

Only minutes later, seven men rush into the hospital, surrounding Han, who is sitting with his head in his hand, sobbing.

“What the fuck happened?” Changbin asks, sitting next to Han, putting his hand on his back.

“I forgot… the ring in the car. I ran back to go get it.” He sniffles. “She was waiting for me… I grabbed the box and looked back at her and someone stabbed her in the stomach.” He weeps.

They're all silent. No one knows what to say. They all know nothing they can say will make anything about this situation better. So they all sat in silence, just being there for him. Whatever he needed.

It took hours. Hours for someone to come and talk to Han to let him know what was going on.

“L/N Y/N.” The doctor yells. Han stands up, rushing to the doctor.

“Yes, how is she? How's my baby? Can I see them?” He asks.

The doctor takes his scrub cap off, looking down. “We took her into surgery. It was touch and go for a while. We delivered the baby… but there was nothing we could do. I'm so sorry.” He whispers.

Han drops to his knees, sobbing. “Please..what about Y/N.”

“There's a lot of internal damage. She's in a medically induced coma. We're not sure how it's going to play out. There's a 50/50 chance she'll survive.” The doctor says. “You can see her, if you want.” He says.

Han stands up, silently following the doctor to your room. He stands in the doorway, taking it all in. You're hooked up to every machine possible, one that's helping you breathe, one that's keeping track of your heart. He was dreading the day he had to tell you that your precious baby passed away. He walks into the room, sitting in the chair beside your bed. He grabs your hand crying as he squeezes it.

“Please be okay. Baby I need you to be okay. I can't lose you both… I love you Y/N. I love you, I need you to wake up. Please.” He sobs.

Everyday for weeks, Han sits in your room, waiting, praying and hoping that you'll wake up. And everyday, nothing changes, the doctors don't have answers. No one has any answers and it was driving him crazy.

“Okay baby, I'm just gonna go home and shower. It's been a while. Please wake up. Wake up for me, okay?” He says, placing a kiss on your forehead.

A little later, Han gets out of the shower, heading into his room where your stuff stayed. Your clothes still hung in his closet, your things still scattered around the room. He sat on his bed, grabbing the pillow you always used. It still smelt like you. He holds it tightly, glancing over at where it is usually placed. He sees a notebook laying there. He knew he shouldn't, but he needed to. He grabbed the book, the first half he skipped. He couldn't bear to read about how you felt when he was so mad at you and everyone. He knew he hurt you so deeply, but he could relive that right now.

He smiles as he reads what you wrote about how he suddenly changed. How he was being nice and attentive. How you were suspicious of his actions. It made him laugh, for the first time in weeks. You had every right to be suspicious of him, but he was glad you let him prove to you how serious he had been. He flips through a few more pages.

“Dear diary.” He reads. “I can't stop thinking about the future. Han is going to be the best dad. He is so excited for our little girl to come into the world and I can't wait to watch him with a mini version of him and I. I'm so in love with him, I don't know what to do. I want to tell him, but I can't be the first one. Our little girl will be here in a few weeks and I'm so scared. But I know everything will be okay as long as he's by my side. I can't wait to see what the future brings for me and my little family. I've never been so happy in my entire life. Everything feels complete.” He reads. He can't stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks.

Before he can read more, his phone rings. He sets down your diary, and picks up his phone from on the bed.

“Hello?” He sniffles.

“Han Jisung?” The person on the other line asks.

“This is he.” He answers.

“This is nurse Song from the hospital. I'm so sorry to do this over the phone…” She begins.

“No.” He whispers. “Please… please don't.”

“Y/N passed away this afternoon. Her body just wasn't strong enough to heal. We truly did everything we could to save her. I'm so very sorry for your loss.” She finishes.

Han drops his phone on the floor. His chest tightens, he feels like he can't breathe. But he's not scared. His head is dizzy, he feels unstable.

“Please let this be it.” He whispers, clutching his chest. It was getting harder to catch his breath as his chest tightened even more. “Please, take me to my girls.” He groans, falling to the floor. His eyes close as he welcomes the darkness, desperate to see the two he loved the most once again.

[stolitzsings]

It's just SO fucking good and so fucking gutwrenching how much sense both of their mistakes make for them

And how backed into a corner both of them felt

It's completely understandable that Blitz would feel blindsided by Stolas’s confession- from his perspective it's coming out of nowhere

But this is something Stolas has been wrestling with for months now, and it's slowly killing him. He starts off his day with an anxiety vomit bc of how stressed he is about this conversation, and he also thinks this might be his one and only chance to tell Blitz how he feels. He's giving Blitz the crystal, no strings attached, so for all he knows he might not ever see Blitz again after tonight. He needs to lay it all out there if he wants Blitz to understand

Also Stolas has been trying to show Blitz he cares for so long: inviting him to hang out for things, suggesting movies and comfort after the turmoil of Ozzie's, letting Blitz take the lead on whether to see him for the full moon each month, plus everything Blitz mentioned to Fizz! Liking his pictures and asking him how he is and all those things that Blitz dismissed because he simply couldn't fathom that Stolas would actually be interested in him. Stolas has been giving him space and checking in on how he's feeling and offering to talk about things, presumably for months now, all in a bid to show Blitz they could have more than a transactional relationship.

And he'd been hyping himself up to have this conversation, telling himself it could go great! Maybe Blitz would be just as happy as he was! Maybe he felt the same and this would all work out!

But even though Blitz does care about him, he's fucking terrified to show or even acknowledge it, because feelings mean getting hurt. And he's been shutting himself off from the possibility of Stolas having those feelings for months as well. He can't allow himself to hope for anything more, and anyway it would just complicate things, so best to stick to nice, safe sex stuff like he's sure Stolas wants to anyway.

So he completely misses all the times Stolas is trying to give them a way forward, and as a result he just can't believe Stolas’s confession could be real. And then he REALLY fucks up. This has to be a sex thing, right? The one thing he's convinced himself Stolas wants, especially tonight? He's thinking "there's no way anyone could love me like this," but all Stolas hears is "there's no way YOU could love me like this."

Because while Blitz has been shutting out any hope that Stolas could love him, Stolas has been CLINGING to scraps of hope that Blitz might love him, in order to give himself the strength to have the conversation they're having now. I don't think he understands why Blitz wouldn't leap at the chance to believe him.

To Stolas, this is confirmation that Blitz still sees their relationship as the same as it was after Ozzie's, when he said their relationship was just sex and Stolas SAW how unhappy he was. Clearly, Blitz still feels this whole thing is about Stolas wanting Blitz to fuck him, and it's not fair to keep him trapped in that dynamic. He thinks the conversation is over, he has his answer because Blitz wasn't happy then so he clearly isn't happy now.

Stolas spends the rest of the scene trying to bow out gracefully. He thanks Blitz for changing his life and tries to escape before he really breaks down. Remember, he's going through an acrimonious and, to be frank, VIOLENT divorce right now, with the person that he's terrified of becoming in his relationship with Blitz. He would do anything to get out of his shitty relationship quietly, so clearly the kindest thing he could do is let Blitz go without making a fuss.

But Blitz is only just realizing that he read the situation so wrong. When he chases after Stolas, Stolas might see it as just another person following him around his house to yell at him. For Blitz, though, he's scared, he's angry at Stolas for springing this on him, and he feels like Stolas is trying to discard him because of one dumb thing he just did. Stolas doesn't know how many times Blitz has been dropped before because of one fuckup. He doesn't get how close he's gotten to Blitz's past trauma. Meanwhile Blitz is trying to get Stolas to give him a second to figure shit out, to just stick with him and not expect him to have all the answers right away.

And when Stolas doesn't give him that, because he's convinced that Blitz is still unhappy and is now just trying to make this hurt as little as he can, Blitz retreats back into anger. Finally Stolas is discarding him just like he always knew he would eventually. Their relationship has been such a rollercoaster for both of them and he just needs a little time, dammit! So now this feels like just another case of someone throwing him away for not living up to their expectations.

Stolas can't hear him asking for time, though. All he sees is Blitz following him to curse him out, to yell about how shitty he is, just like Stella has always done. And Blitz is right!!! Stolas was so crushed by the initial rejection that he didn't give Blitz the space he needed to process things. Blitz wants to talk and yell and fight through things and get all the shit out there. But Stolas is so focused on holding himself together for just a little longer.

Stolas's biggest fear was that he'd trapped Blitz in their arrangement, and the way Blitz tries to ask for time and engagement unfortunately hits directly on that. Blitz is yelling that Stolas doesn't get to just dismiss him, he deserves a chance to be heard and to figure shit out, and to have an actual conversation about this. But Stolas fixates on Blitz’s accusation that he's treating him like a servant, and assumes that he's referring to their entire relationship. It confirms, in his mind, that Blitz was never with him willingly and would never want to be with him willingly.

And it must hurt so much to hear Blitz call him a "pompous, rich asshole" in that moment, when he has been trying so hard to be selfless about this. He made himself so vulnerable with this confession and the gift of the crystal. He put everything he had out in the open. But if Blitz thinks he's an asshole, well, there's no way he could share his feelings, right? He's being vulnerable, and probably expected Blitz to do the same and lay his true feelings out there as well. And Blitz really is trying, but he's still using anger and insults because they're familiar and safe. PLUS there's the added panic of "Oh fuck, how badly did I hurt him that he thinks of me like this?"

Stolas doesn't know how many times Blitz has been abandoned for fucking something up, and Blitz doesn't know how many times Stolas has had to shut down and endure tirades of abuse he couldn't escape from. Stolas thinks he's done all of this and Blitz still can't see him as anything but a stuck-up, frigid jerk. And if this desperate, grand gesture wasn't enough to get Blitz to see how much he cares, well, what hope is there?

He's still reeling from what he perceived as Blitz’s mockery of the very idea that Stolas could care for him. He tried to leave peacefully but Blitz won't let him bow out, still wants to yell at him and tell him how shitty he is, won't even give him the dignity of breaking down in private. Never mind that those weren't Blitz’s intentions at all. Stolas was so scared, so tentative about this, that Blitz’s almost inevitable incredulous/messy reaction was bound to hurt.

Both of them are working off their own assumptions, their low opinions of themselves, and their past traumas, and can't see enough of each other's histories to understand that's what they're doing.

[the-sassy-composer]

Really tired of streaming services making absolute banger animated TV shows for adults, never advertising them, then canceling then because no one watches them, so I'm taking it upon myself to share some of the ones I've watched recently with the hope other people will hear about them for the first time and give them a shot.

---

Blue Eye Samurai

"A master of the sword lives life in disguise while seeking revenge in Edo-period Japan."

Probably one of my favorite animated shows of all time. Mizu, arguably one of the best sword masters in this time period, goes on a quest to eliminate four white men living in Japan, one of which is Mizu's father. The show focuses heavily on how factors outside of your control, such as race and gender, impact how others view you and how you view yourself.

Watch if you are a fan of: Complicated characters/relationships, revenge quests, gore, complicated relationships with gender and race, and absolute badass characters.

Where to Watch: Netflix

Undone

"After 28-year-old Alma nearly dies in a car accident, she finds that she has a new relationship with time; she develops this newfound relationship to find out the truth about her father's death."

Undone focuses on difficult relationships with family, including how your parents can have profound effects on you even after they're gone, and how to deal with grief. That, plus the added chaos of being able to travel through time.

Watch if you are a fan of: character studies, shows dealing with grief, time travel, trying to rewrite fate.

Where to watch: Prime

Scavengers Reign

"The crew of a damaged deep space freighter are stranded on a beautiful but dangerous planet."

A mix between sci-fi and horror, this show focuses on the crew of a crashed spaceship. Each (living) crew member of the ship escaped in pods, scattering them across the planet. They must fight to survive and make their way back to their ship on a planet featuring some of the most fucked up creatures I've ever seen.

Watch if you like: sci-fi, isolationist horror, body horror, creature features

Where to watch: At the moment, Max. As of May 31st, Netflix. Max canceled the show (even though it has a 100% rating 🙃). Netflix may make a season 2 depending on how many people watch it in the first few weeks after it comes to Netflix.

Harley Quinn

"The newly single Harley Quinn sets off to make it on her own as the criminal queenpin in Gotham City."

Honestly I was feeling a bit burnt out on super hero shows, but this one felt like a breath of fresh air. It follows Harley as steps out from the shadow of the Joker, no longer being one of his henchmen and struggling to find her identity as a single, independent villain.

Watch if you like: Superhero/villain shows, stories that focus on blurred lines instead of a clear distinction between good and evil.

Where to Watch: Max

Primal

"At the dawn of evolution, a caveman and a dinosaur on the brink of extinction bond over unfortunate tragedies and become each other's only hope of survival in a treacherous world."

This show is super unique in that there's basically no dialogue, but it still finds a way to display an absolutely gutwrenching relationship between two parents of different species going through shared grief.

Watch if you like: Brutality, heavily visual story telling, prehistoric stories, and tales of overcoming.

Where to Watch: Hulu

Love Death and Robots

"This collection of animated short stories spans several genres, including science fiction, fantasy, horror and comedy. World-class animation creators bring captivating stories to life in the form of a unique and visceral viewing experience. The animated anthology series includes tales that explore alternate histories, life for robots in a post-apocalyptic city and a plot for world domination by super-intelligent yogurt."

I love this show because you never have any clue what to expect. A siren living in a river falling for a deaf knight? An artist painting intergalactic art pieces? Three robots going on a field trip through the apocalypse to visit old human historical sites? You never know, but there's going to be love, death, and/or robots in it. Each episode varies wildly, so I'd recommend watching at least a few to get a taste for it, as some will resonate more strongly than others.

---

I'm sure there are lots more excellent animated shows, but these are all the ones I've watched in the past year or so. I'd love to see more recs in the tags, because I'm always down to watch more cool animations!

[maychorian]

Found Family Anime Recs

I recently reblogged a list of found family anime recs and was a bit surprised by how many reblogs and likes it got. I had really reblogged it just so I can find it later to watch the shows I hadn't already seen on the list, but apparently I have a lot of followers who are interested in this topic! Well, I've watched a lot of anime, so here are ten found family anime shows that I absolutely love. These are in no particular order.

Buddy Daddies

This show is similar enough to Spy X Family that you might be tempted to call it a rip-off. It's really quite different though. There's a lot less comedy (though there's still SOME comedy) and a lot more healing from past trauma. The animation is gorgeous, and the relationships really tug at my heart. It's more realistic than Spy X Family, in some ways, though it's still pretty ridiculous. The melodrama in the last couple of episodes did annoy me a bit, but it's still a very satisfying show. It's like a fanfiction I would write, which is really the highest recommendation I can give, haha, because that means it's exactly the kind of story I would like. 

2. Samurai Champloo

This show was made by much of the same team that created Cowboy Bebop, but for some reason it never got the same cult status, which is really too bad. I love Cowboy Bebop, but I love Samurai Champloo more. It's about two ronin and a teenage girl traveling through Edo-era Japan to find someone the girl is looking for. Throughout the series, the three form a very strong bond, despite all of their communication difficulties and past traumas. I've rewatched this show probably more than any other anime. It's brutal at times, but so very satisfying.

3. Natsume Yuujin-cho

Natsume lost his parents as a young child and was passed around from relative to relative, most of whom couldn't deal with him because his ability to see yokai (Japanese folk spirits) made him a freak in their eyes. As the series starts, he's finally taken in by an older couple in a rural village who actually want him, and he's finally able to start forming connections with other people and find a support system with his new caretakers, his peers, and the yokai he tries to help. It's a very sweet, sad series, much more sentimental than the first two entries on this list, but a very soothing and lovely watch when you are in need of some relaxation. Warning, though, the flashbacks to Natsume's past families can be truly gutwrenching. He was not treated well for a very long time, and it's hard to stomach.

4. Barakamon

Handa is a calligrapher who gets essentially exiled to a remote island after causing problems on purpose. He has a hard time connecting with people and is struggling with his art. Over the course of the story, he forms relationships with his neighbors, especially an adorable child with possibly the best child voice-acting I've ever heard, and slowly rediscovers his joy in creation again. It's cute and funny and beautiful, and it makes me want to live on a remote Japanese island.

5. My Roommate Is a Cat

Subaru is a young novelist who recently lost his parents, who were pretty much his only connection to humanity. While trying to recover from this massive loss, he adopts a stray cat who quickly becomes the most important creature in his life. Through the cat, he begins to form relationships with other people, as well. The show is unique in that the first half of each episode is from the human's POV and the second half is from the cat's POV. It's a very lovely and soothing show. Pets are family, too!

6. Haikyuu

Haikyuu was the show that opened my eyes to the aspect of found family in sports anime. I know a lot of tumblr enjoys Haikyuu for the shipping, but to me it's more satisfying to view it through the lens of found family. Each team is essentially their own found family, in their own unique way, and the relationships are particularly realistic and well-depicted by this mangaka. I love Tanaka being a big brother to the first years, Kuroo and Kenma's mutual protectiveness and support, all of it. 

7. Kuroko no Basuke

This is the silly basketball show, and in my opinion it's not as good as Haikyuu, but I love the relationships here as well. Especially between Kuroko and Kagami, of course. Their mutual protectiveness is just chef's kiss. But the whole Seirin team is really great. I love them so much. The teamy goodness is what makes the silliness watchable for me.

8. One Piece

What is there to say about One Piece? This is, like, the ultimate found family show. All of the pirate crews with any kind of goodness at their core are found families, but especially the Strawhats. Luffy is just going around looking at people and declaring, "Okay, you're in my family (on my crew) now." If you've never watched One Piece before, I'm going to make an unorthodox recommendation and suggest you watch the live action Netflix adaption first. It does a really good job of capturing the feel and aesthetic and just pure loveliness of this story in a much more compact and approachable way than the anime. However, if you like it, I do recommend that you watch the anime from the beginning, because there is a lot of expansion on the themes there, and the characterization is slightly different. Usopp in particular kinda got shorted in the live action, so you'll understand him a lot more if you watch his introduction arc in the anime. But honestly both versions are great. I'm on my third rewatch of the live action version already, and I will watch and rewatch the anime until I die, probably. One of my favorite stories of all time.

9. The Weakest Tamer Began a Journey to Pick Up Trash

I found this one slightly annoying in how it was obviously carefully designed to tug at my heartstrings, but it's working, so I don't have much right to complain. It's about a little kid driven out of her home who gradually gathers a found family of both monsters she tames and adult adventurers and guardsmen who take one look at this lonely child and go, "Well, guess I have a baby now." The isekai element is very lowkey, in that she basically just has a voice in her head giving her advice, and I like that it's about fighting local corruption instead of a demon army or what have you. I want more shows like this and less shows like every other generic isekai, haha.

10. Dungeon Meshi

This show is blowing up tumblr right now, so you've probably already seen it a billion times, but I'm going to make one more appeal for you to watch/read this story. It is so, so so good. And in my opinion, it is much MUCH more about family, both born and found, than it is about shipping. I could write a whole essay about Marcille and Falin's relationship that has nothing to do with romance, as I could for any other two (or three or four) characters in the main party, plus those outside. There is a LOT going on. I've been playing RPGs and LARPs for twenty years, and one reason I love the hobby so much is for the joy of creating found families with my best friends in new and different worlds, over and over again. This is the first piece of fiction I've found that really captures that particular aspect of party-based fantasy stories, the relationships that form and grow, the tight-knit bonds that keep everyone moving forward despite the monsters you must face (and consume). 

[echo-and-dust]

now that my brain has somewhat unscrambled itself i have gotten most of my thoughts in order about season 3.

and the first thing i will say is: i loved it.

while it was gutwrenching and polarizing in some ways and i feel that i am entitled to financial compensation for what its done to my mental health, i loved this season for pretty much almost everything it did.

i cannot fault people for having issues with much of the characterization and plot choices made—that’s been the trend during the entire run of the show after all, and imo it’s a testament to the phenomenal way it generates nuance—but i wanted to share my feelings on the recurring opinions i’ve seen about some of these things.

first, i do not blame simon at all for the things he said in the final scene. he’s a child who has been receiving endless verbal and physical harassment on top of all the trauma he is still trying to heal from. he just watched his boyfriend lash out in anger and hurt—while not at him, but it must’ve been a close resemblance of how he might’ve seen micke act. at least, that's what i thought, though i've seen others say otherwise.

and yes, wille is not micke, but just because wille’s source of outbursts is different from micke’s doesn’t mean simon is wrong in drawing similarities. at least he's finally getting a true glimpse into what wille has had to deal with. i've honestly grown to like that they didn't have simon immediately comfort him though; wille's mental illness is not his fault, but it is his responsibility, and instead of pushing a message of unhealthy co-dependence, the show has simon be honest: "but i see that everything hurts you and that hurts me too." and to me, that's so important.

plus, it doesn't make their love any less genuine. wille is a victim of the circumstances; he is not evil, and he is not undeserving of simon. he just has a lot of growing and healing to do, a lot of unlearning and exposure therapy because he's still blinded by privilege even when he tries not to be.

speaking of, i have so many thoughts about wille that i feel like i need to save for its own separate post, but to sum them up: i'll still defend him with my life, and he needs to get the fuck away from that institution.

also, the fact that the responsibility of controlling simon's media decisions was placed solely on wille confused me at first like—why wouldn't they get a professional to give him proper media training?

then i realized, this could be the royal court's way of sabotaging their relationship. they knew that making wille the one to tell simon what he can and cannot say or post would create distance and animosity between them. despite the ramifications of simon's behavior on social media, it seems they still thought it best to have his boyfriend be the one to try to mold him into the system. because they knew that's how they could get rid of him. in conclusion, fuck the royal court (we been knew but still).

one of the standouts this season was their transparency regarding the show's politics. it not only works well with the show's arc (wilmon is public, everything's out in the open now and there's nothing to hide), but also it felt necessary at a time where censorship has been rapidly gaining momentum. it felt so refreshing for these characters to talk so openly about racial discrimination and queerphobia and class disparities, forcing both character and viewer to acknowledge that they exist and you should feel uncomfortable about it.

i don't think i can add much more to what was already said about it—most of the fandom is more eloquent and observant than i am anyway—i just wanted to reinforce how important this season is to myself and the story even with how controversial it is to fans right now. a lot of people may disagree with me and that's fine.

[mind-empty-just-fictional-people]

Lonely Dancers

main masterlist | misc. jackles characters masterlist

SPOILERS! this story is set after the events of the movie and it (vaguely) spoils the ending

summary: when your boyfriend cheats on you, it leads you to tom hanniger

pairing: tom hanniger x female reader

rating: R for language

word count: 1.7k

warnings: language, cheating, mentions of death/murder, hearing voices (briefly, very end of the fic)

author’s note: happy valentine’s day! i wrote (and barely edited) this very quickly because i wanted to publish it while it was still valentine’s day in my timezone! enjoy!

music: lonely dancers by conan gray — incredible song by an incredible artist! go pre-save the upcoming album!

Tears were still clouding your eyes as you sat at the bar. You’d driven here after walking in on your boyfriend with another woman—your two best friends had both betrayed you in the most gutwrenching way.

“Crappy Valentines?” the man a few seats down from you asked.

“Somethin’ like that,” you scoffed.

“Well–”

“Look no offense, but I’m really not in the mood to be hit on, okay? So kindly fuck off and let me drink in peace.”

He nodded curtly; “Ten-four.”

You finished the glass in front of you and gestured to the bartender for another. You downed that one quickly and again asked for another immediately after.

“Cheated on, huh?” the man from before asked and you finally turned to look at him. He had a small, sad smile on his plush, pink lips and his green eyes seemed to look at you with sympathy. 

“What makes you say that?” you asked.

“I, uh, I know the look,” he replied. “How about the next rounds are on me?” he offered, you smiled a little in thanks. “I’m Tom, by the way.” You told him your name, figuring it was the least you could do.

“So, Tom, I’m guessing your Valentine’s Day hasn’t been much better than mine?” you asked.

“What makes you say that?” he quoted you with a bit of a smirk.

“You’re drinking alone in a bar attached to a cheap-ass motel,” you retorted. 

“Touché,” he laughed. “So maybe my day’s been shitty too… or maybe I just came here to hit on the lonely hot chicks.”

You narrowed your gaze at him, stifling a laugh; “Maybe. But something tells me you came here for the booze and not the chicks.” His smile faded a little at that but he was quick to plaster it back onto his face. “So how about we drink together for a bit and when I’m buzzed enough we head over to the dance floor and act like our day hasn’t been hell?” you suggested. 

“Sounds like a plan, sweetheart.”

You both got to talking and eventually, you told him the whole story. He held back most of the comments he wanted to make; hope he drops fuckin’ dead, for example, or who in their right mind would do that to such a gorgeous fuckin’ woman!?

“Well, he sounds like a major dick,” he commented. 

You listened to his story too, though he clearly wasn’t being as open with you as you were with him. But, you couldn’t blame him. His issue seemed to be about trauma linked to the actual day and less about something that happened recently.

After nearly half an hour of talking, he took your hand and led you to the beat-down jukebox in the corner.

“Does this shitty thing even work?” you scoffed. 

“Let’s hope it does or this dancing thing is gonna be pretty awkward,” he joked. He managed to get a song playing. “May I have this dance?” He turned from the jukebox and looked at you, but quickly noticed the tears welling in your eyes. “Shit, you okay?”

You sighed with a nod; “This was kind of… our song,” you admitted.

“Of all the songs for me to pick,” he scoffed quietly, mentally kicking himself. “I… don’t know how to switch it.”

“That’s okay,” you said softly, a sad smile gracing your lips though the tears stayed in your eyes.

“How about we dance to it anyway?” he offered. “That way it’ll become our song and the next time you hear it you won’t think of that cheating bastard, you’ll think of the somewhat good-looking guy you met while drinking yourself half to death?” He smirked and wiggled his brows a bit, making you let out a laugh. 

“Somewhat good-looking, huh? Have you looked in any kinda mirror recently?”

He shrugged, still smirking; “Didn’t wanna seem too cocky; had to downplay my looks a little, gauge your reaction.” You let him put his hands on your hips as you both started swaying to the music.

“That so?” You put your hands on his shoulders before you trailed them to the back of his neck. “And what’d my reaction tell you, handsome?”

“That this song is now officially ours,” he replied. “And every time you hear it you’re gonna remember my handsome face instead of that ugly asshole’s.”

“Thanks for that, Tom.” You smiled up at him, continuing to let him guide your movements. “I’d much rather think of you.”

You rested your head on his shoulder and his grip on your waist changed to wrap around your torso. The song was slow so he didn’t feel the need to change anything about the way you two were dancing—he just held you and gently swayed back and forth with the rhythm.

When the song ended the next one that played was more up-beat and “danceable” so you pulled away a little.

“Oh my god, I love this song!” you exclaimed, beginning to dance a more energetically while you still kept your hands on him.

He chuckled at your reaction and began dancing more too. His hands went back to your waist and he twirled you around. With your back pressed against his chest he turned up the heat a little; trailing his hands forward and up your body slowly. You smiled widely, enjoying the feeling of his touch over the thin fabric of your long-sleeved crop top. He twirled you back around, your hands catching your weight on his chest.

He looked down into your eyes; “Just thought I should gauge your reaction again.”

“And what’s it saying this time?” You smiled up at him, keeping your hands on his chest.

“That it might be okay if I kiss you right now?” 

You nodded before he leaned down to place a kiss on your eager lips. Before he could, however, your phone rang and you pulled back to check it.

“Damn it,” you mumbled, seeing the name.

“It’s him, isn’t it?” Tom asked and you nodded. You were about to answer but he whipped the phone from your hands and hit decline. “Stop,” he said when you reached for the phone, “forget that guy! He clearly doesn’t know how to love a woman like you—someone so gorgeous, funny… talented dancer.” The last one made you laugh through the sting of fresh tears. “And I hope he drops fuckin’ dead! How about we just keep dancing so I don’t have to see those tears slip down your pretty face, huh?”

“Guess I’m all yours tonight,” you replied.

“That’s more like it!” He took you back into his arms before he kissed you. 

**

You woke up the next morning to the sound of someone knocking on your apartment door. You sighed and grabbed your pepper spray before going to answer it. When you looked through the peephole, however, you smiled and placed the weapon down on the table by your front entrance.

“Hey Tom, what’re you doing here?” You smiled after you opened the door. He held out the bouquet of roses he had been hiding behind his back.

“Happy belated Valentine’s Day,” he said. “I hope I made it a little less shitty for you and that you won’t hate this holiday the way I do.”

“Thank you,” you replied as you took them from him. You stepped aside so he could walk in. “I’m gonna find a vase for these, why don’t you make yourself comfortable?”

He nodded and made his way to your couch. He knew the layout of your home and where you lived because he had driven you home last night (well, earlier that day, technically) and made sure you got inside safely. You had offered to let him spend the night but he had declined politely, saying that as much as he enjoyed your company he didn’t want the two of you to become a one-night-stand. “Besides,” he had said, “I’ve got something important I’ve gotta do.”

The idea that Tom’s ‘important thing’ may have been just getting you flowers made your heart swoon in a way that you’d never felt before.  

You hurried and put the flowers in a vase before you went over and sat next to Tom on the couch. He smiled at you before you turned on the TV.

“Wanna watch something?” you asked but your eyes widened when you looked at the screen; “Oh my god.”

“Two individuals brutally murdered last night…” the news reporter went on to say the names of your ex and his new girlfriend (your former best friend). “Officials say it was a robbery gone wrong, due to a missing engagement ring presumably still in the romantic, heart-shaped box it was purchased in barely two weeks ago from a local jeweler. No suspects are in custody—” 

Tom shut the TV off as tears began rolling down your cheeks.

“Th-They’re both dead…” you barely whispered. The thought of the two people you cared most about being killed for no fucking reason made a scream erupt from your throat. Tom pulled you into his chest and you sobbed, gripping his shirt with all your might.

“I-I’m so fucking sorry,” Tom whispered. 

**

After a (very long) session of tears and Tom’s gentle shushing, Tom was making breakfast in your kitchen as you sat at the table. 

“It could’ve been me,” you said. “I-If he hadn’t cheated on me, if we hadn’t broken up, I would’ve been in her shoes. I’d be dead.”

“Thank god you aren’t,” Tom said. 

“Maybe if I had answered his call–”

“Don’t think like that,” he interrupted. “Just be grateful that you weren’t there and that you’re okay. This isn’t your fault at all in any fucking way, you understand me? It was just a robbery gone wrong and as tragic as that is, that isn’t on you.”

You smiled a little, though tears were still slipping down your cheeks. He had a point and even if he was technically still a stranger, he seemed to care about you. 

“We’ve got her now, Tom. She’s all ours.”

“What’d you say?” Tom looked at you over his shoulder.

“Nothing.” You smiled sadly at him. “Just…thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.”

[thefirstknife]

The thing about the final lore tab is that, besides the fact that I'm devastated in ways I can't put into words, the way Saint was affected by this whole thing is unique.

This is obviously primarily Osiris' trauma that we can't really properly comprehend, but Osiris wasn't fully conscious for most of it. It fell to Saint to wait, and hope, that Osiris would be brought back and that he would wake up. There was no certainty for him there. And even before that, he watched "Osiris" being strange and distant and acting weird but obviously nobody could even begin to speculate that the person he interacted with wasn't Osiris at all, so the trauma went from there, from learning that he lost Sagira, then to the shock of Osiris being kidnapped and then the quest to bring him back and then him being brought back in a coma and then the 9 long months of waiting until he woke up.

The state of constant anxiety he experienced for almost 2 years total is nervewracking and gutwrenching. I don't think we can fully understand the impact of that on someone. And the best, or worst, thing is that Saint is infinitely patient. He is infinitely emotional and merciful and opts to be the better person and to wait and wait and wait. And hope that it can be fixed.

Except it can't. It can't be fixed. And not only can it not be fixed, but there will never be justice for it. It's impossible. There isn't a way to truly punish Savathun for what she's done. There is no relief or catharsis for Saint. While Osiris can mostly move on, Osiris did not really have to go through what Saint had to go through. Their traumas are different and Saint's is the type that no one can really understand and there is nothing he can do about it.

A younger Saint would've killed Immaru and then Savathun, 100%. But now he can't, because he isn't that person anymore. And yet, the grief and trauma remain and he has no outlet for them and nothing that can be done to enact any sort of justice. So he settles for pure rage, letting himself essentially vent that anger out, but still leave everyone alive. And there's really no true release here. He got a brief satisfaction of killing Savathun over and over, but at the end of the day, she will walk away and nothing will change and there will be no fix.

Which is why he comes back and just cries. As he said, this wasn't for Osiris, it was for him. It was his outlet for anger and nothing else. After that, there's nothing else left to do but cry. No one can really help him carry the burden of what he's gone through and besides: he's a Titan. He's the one carrying other people's burdens. Which just added to the trauma because for so long he's only cared for others, mostly for Osiris, and never really let himself fully grieve or talk about it. Saint never really processed the horrifying ordeal of constant concern for his loved one, then the realisation that his loved one isn't even with him, then the desperate search and then waiting for months and months for the hope that his loved one might wake up. Then Osiris is awake and we're forced to play allies with the person who traumatised both of them in an incomprehensibly terrifying way. Saint had no other way of attempting to make his peace with the situation.

Year of processing grief. I'm in shambles.

[hiemaldesirae]

i have less than 24 hours left before i have to go through one of the most stressful days of my life so. heres a list of my fav radiostatic fic recs in no particular order

clarification: by radiostatic i mean fics where vox is 100% not the dom in the relationship. most of these dont contain explicit sex though, and im not recommending any straight porn fics here because you can easily find those with a click and search through the bottom vox tag lmao

most of these fics are unfinished, so be warned that i will not take accountability if you get attached to these without them being finished properly. in fact ill just laugh at you because then we'll be suffering together

now, that aside- starting off strong with some of the more popular fics:

RHTVS / Radio Healed the Video Star by Aspiring_Forest_Witch

notes: LONG fucking fic. like this guys almost 700k words long fic. one of the best things ive ever read in my life though and it has a plotline thats frankly more engaging than the actual showing of hazbin on amazon. so. you know. if you have the time to read it Please do you wont regret it

Unraveling Emotions by Xaelei

notes: one of my favourite fics ever on god. started my brainrot for dad!husk, portrays one of the most scrumptious radiostatic dynamics and is generally so very well written that i might end up trying to recreate one of the scenes in comic form. genuinely in love with this fic and im so glad i can say i was the first comment on this fic because my God its such a treat to see new chapters drop for this. unfortunately i havent had the time to write out a detailed comment as of now but if someone wants to let the author know that im still in love with their fic and will continue supporting it until i drop dead go ahead for me

Safe with Me by rillyrillo

notes: the prequel and main fic of this series is human radiostatic, though the sequel is set in hell. it comes with gorgeous gorgeous art and frankly one of the most exhilirating endings ive ever had the pleasure of witnessing play out. i recommend you guys check out their other fics too, the art continues in them + their radiostatic is written wonderfully across all universes!

A Month of Rut by Vylad

notes: this fic is very self indulgent to me. i love the way radiostatic is written in this one because theyre very soft and sweet, but others may not prefer it if theyre looking for freak4freak radiostatic. if you just want something to indulge in and relax with at the end of a heavy day though this is my #1 rec. i read this sometimes when i find myself crying at night lmao

Down, Up, and Back Down by CowboyEnthusiast

notes: made me sob like a baby. 10/10 no notes whatsoever read it for yourself because you WILL not regret it. i genuinely am always at a loss for words whenever i reread this because it is among the most gutwrenching but beautiful and poetic works that ive ever read and i think it deserves some recognition

Mind the Gap by ZLynn

notes: again, to reiterate, i do very much dislike the abusive!staticmoth portrayal i see in a lot of fics. but in this one... it's written so perfectly, i can definitely see it actually happening. i enjoy the way that val does still seem to care about vox, albeit in his own twisted way that eventually breaks and fractures their love and trust, and its just. Ugh. So fucking good

+ with the less popular but still wonderful depictions of radiostatic that i love to indulge in:

i'll give you a show (cause it helps fill the seats) by dead_and_dreaming

notes: absolutely shameless plug from me for my dear mk's work because i cant stop thinking about the way that she's portrayed al here. its actually insane how fucked up that stupid little deer is and i just. i really fucking love the way that their alastor is written, it's genuinely probably my Number One depiction of alastor ever. i demand more of this stupid little freak RIGHT NOW!!!!

Any of the fics by Rachello344 in the Hazbin Hotel Fandom Tag on their profile

notes: so remember when i told you guys i wouldnt be linking straight porn. looks away... okay in my defense though i read the smut for the characterization and their unique dynamics. its sooo interesting to see how their radiostatic is explored here and im honestly refreshed by the depiction of their relationship. im here for it !!!

The Read 'Em and Weep Series by TooManyPseudonyms

notes: so from what i was able to piece together (everything flies over my head when im reading, forgive me for my low media literacy) this is an au set before the hotel where (in the first work) al and vox are in a qpr relationship. in the second work this evolves into a romantic relationship, and the exploration of their dynamic through this is just... Yeah. please read it its 100% worth your time and so underrated it hurts my heart

Uneasy by Saezs

notes: this fic is one of the first radiostatic fics i read (the others being RHTVS and... i think i tried the 666 series, but it didnt appeal to me lol) and its actually just wonderful. i really love saezs's genderfluid vox and how supportive the other vees are of them <3 their portrayl of the characters puts a smile on my face whenever i reread their work

Heat Waves by HappyPRAWN

notes: i'll be fr dsmptsd hit me like a truck when i read the title but it is such an interesting debut! only at one chapter as of me making this post but the way the author wrote this is so engaging and it really makes me wonder what they have next in store for the fic

Do I have your attention now? by Chi_Chi25

notes: wow no way we have the same name... anyway ahem. ill be completely honest this ones a bit of a guilty pleasure for me. this fic is a bit fragmented and short, so for people who click off fics when they see imperfect grammar this one may not be for you. however if you can look past that, it has an engaging storyline and quite the juicy concept :)

Killer Ex by FanGirl48

notes: gorgeous, gorgeous little human! radiostatic oneshot. i love the relationship that vox and al have here... the reasons why they both stayed away from each other even though theyre still so very clearly down bad for each other... anyway. i think about this one a lot and i still go back to reread it sometimes lol

Negotiations by FanGirl48

notes: i didnt realize until i started making this list that this fic was also written by fangirl48.... go off queen keep feeding us (me). this one was a fic recommended to me initially by link nonny, and i can 100% vouch for how good it is. its got appletv interactions, radiostatic plus lucifer trying to navigate heaven, angels... basically everything needed for a very varied and well packed with flavour story

The diary of a Serial Killer by ShippersCave

notes: okay im running out of brain juice at this point but. yeah this fic is soooo self indulgent to me. this ones another human au, with al as a serial killer and vox as the journalist trying to conduct interviews with him. its got SUCH a good dynamic between al and vox, i encourage you guys to check it out and give it a chance even if youre not really into human aus.

My heart's been pierced by Cupid by ShippersCave

notes: pirate/siren au !!!!!!!!! RAAHH !!!!! i dont have to say anything else for this if thats not enough to get you to click then i dont know what is

System Shutdown by Swoolie

notes: i cant believe i nearly forgot about this one LMAO... vox goes onto a temporary hiatus and everyone goes crazy about it. im not really sure if this counts as radiostatic frankly because of the way its tagged but its so good i think you should give it a read anyway

Together in Radio Static by Anonymous

notes: QPR media husbands radiostatic au !!!! i love this one especially because it opens off with vox slapping alastor across the face for leaving him LMAOO (deserved)

What Has Been by Tianren

notes: another human au (YEAH YEAH I KNOW. JUST HEAR ME OUT OKAY i swear im cooking) look, as someone with religious trauma deeper than i can properly express and the worlds fifteenth worst parental issues, the depiction of vox in this fic just really hits home. i really adore the exploration of voxs past and how the themes of religious guilt and cults are woven in so far- and it blends very seamlessly with their human au, despite the characters eccentricities

you're too sweet for me by awestruck_atrophy and moonbeanies

notes: basically, vox and al make a deal where vox tries to help him out of the shackles or whatever that are bound to him because of his stupid dumbass lusting for power. its very intriguing so far and i love the setup and worldbuilding the authors have done, so you should check it out if you want a unique perspective on radiostatics relationship

candlelight by curtailed

notes: the best way i can think of to describe this one is like... fake marriage but instead of fake marriage its. fake roommates??? the author probably puts it better than me tbh. its super interesting so far, i cant wait to see where this one is headed especially with how unique its premise is!

Zero Day by Anonymous

notes: this one is like those time regression manhwas. you know, the ones where the protag goes back in time and proceeds to try and avoid everyone who made their life miserable- only to fail because for some reason now they're paying attention to them more than they would have had they stayed the same person. its certainly very promising, though! i do love indulging in time regression stories, especially when the mc is someone i love like vox. i really cant wait to see which direction this one is headed in :)

Never as Good as the First Time by IComeForFanficsNowin403

notes: okay. so, uh. um. so- this one is in spanish. HOWEVER its premise (serial killer alastor meets television star (?? i think. its not quite clear) at a party hosted by rosie, moves into his neighborhood to keep an eye on the pretty prey) is just so unique i honestly think its worth the experience to pull out google translate and try living the machine translated life. really. give it a chance. also its got beautiful art to go along with, so.. you know. thats just a bonus!

+ honorary staticmoth and one-sided/past radiostatic fic rec:

Freak-A-Zoid by Femalefonzie

notes: this fic deserves every single piece of praise its ever gotten because good lord. its SO good. i was not seeing the radiostatic twist come in, but it *is* mostly staticmoth. and also a/b/o but i mean. who *hasnt* indulged in a little bit of a/b/o before honestly

there are other fics that i personally like to indulge in, but i frankly wouldnt recommend to anyone else because they're either the kinds of fics that i myself can only bring myself to read after ive spent 8 hours at work crying into my pillow and need to look at something entertaining, or when im starved of content and cant be bothered to cook myself so i pull out the translator and start going at it. (technically i should know how to read french by now but. urgh. anywway..)

[green-planets]

StEx Appreciation Month Day 13: Flat Top!

🧱🧱🧱🧱🧱🧱🧱🧱🧱🧱🧱🧱🧱🧱

Face Claim: Mark Davis, Richard Mylan, or Delano Willemsen

Favourite Song/Scenes: I will never recover from Flat Top's intro in the spoof show. Between him almost rolling off the stage after throwing his brick (Rusty catches him and pulls him back), the “C'MON BIG BOY!”, the way he points at the Rockies when Dustin says “They're not rocks, they're aggregates!”, and the hyper aggressive dancing during the ‘Aggregates are Really Great’ segment, it may just be the greatest Flat Top performance ever (thank you Richard Mylan, you're my new favorite Flat Top!)

Okay now that that ramble is out of the way, he's extremely entertaining during Poppa/Momma's blues, I love how he teases and antagonizes Poppa/Momma and Rusty, he's so goofy when he worships Greaseball during Pumping Iron, I love the moment when he realizes that Greaseball isn't a good guy, He looks so torn when the gang is beating Rusty up and when he give Rusty his helmet back!!! Gutwrenching

Favourite Costumes: I've grown extremely fond of Flat Top's London costumes and the detail put into them (brick on a chain should be brought back!!!) I do like the versions with the brighter, more prominent graffiti designs and it's funny when he has random graffiti written on his face. I still like the Broadway/Bochum shoulder boxes better (load that guy up with bricks!!)

Favourite Ships/Friendships: Flat Top x Dustin, Flat Top x Rusty, Flat Top x Zero. Friends with the freight crew (except Lumber and Porter-- he has one-sided beef with them), Rusty, and the coaches. Best friends with Dustin and Ashley. Tried befriending Greaseball's gang but that didn't work out so well

Headcanons: He had so much fun being a little shit with Slick up until she betrayed Rusty (afterwards he's super wary of her). He was also expecting to be booted out of the freight crew's found family after his behavior during the races but they welcomed him back with open arms

Unpopular Opinion: A lot of people say he's unnecessary to the plot (which is true tbh) but the show feels so empty without him :(

🧱🧱🧱🧱🧱🧱🧱🧱🧱🧱🧱🧱🧱🧱

[brbabcs]

often times in the brba and bcs universe, we see grief and loss through the individual that remains in the aftermath of the actual death. but something that compels me about nacho’s trajectory is that we see his grief before he dies. we see this last phone call with his father, mourning not even just himself but the fact that this will be it. that the loss is not something he can avoid or navigate around, but instead something he just has to choose the best option from. he’s looking around at these future-dead men, hearing his father through the phone, knowing that there are only so many endings available to him — and more than that, that he is at the end of the line. he’s in these desolate landscapes, filled with disconnected individuals (who, only one truly is rooting for him in any capacity,) and knowing that the air he breathes, and the people he loves, and the world he’s surrounded by, will be something that, soon, he will no longer be able to see or hear or touch or love. grief is devastating when there’s this phantom image of a person in the aftermath that can never actually be there, of course it is. but grief before the actual loss has occurred is gutwrenching. we see grief for his father, grief for his life, grief for young nacho varga who, only a few years prior, was seemingly on top of the world and only climbing upward — and inevitably, now falling quite a long ways down. and all he can hope is that, afterwards, the impact he takes will be enough to stop the damage from shattering outward. that it can be his last act of love

[bizlybebo]

sorry hold on was rambling this in the tags of somebody else’s post but it got too long.

(MEGA spoilers for all of s1 and s2 of prime defenders)

there’s something soo insanely gutwrenching about the way the greyscale arc kind of turns these characters on their head; shows how they’ve changed— for better or for worse, it’s up to you to decide— over the years since season 1 episode 1. you see the way they’ve grown and you see these fundamental aspects of their characters having changed dramatically.

william used to be skittish and awkward and too scared to speak up against douches at school. episode 32 he’s chasing down a man with reckless abandon and sticking an axe in his leg.

vyncent used to be apathetic towards killing people, unsure of if he’d ever return home, and all around kind of lost. he found himself, found his home and his people, and gained the strength to speak up and not be held back by indecision— to try to pull a friend back from the edge or at least take their hand and fall with them.

dakota used to have a very black and white worldview of sorts, a worship of heroes, and a very strong front put up to create a barrier between dakota cole and dakota damascus— and hide dakota damascus away. he formed trust in the people around him and learned to accept the grey areas to an extent; reached into that grey area to try to pull mark out of it and encourage him to do the right thing to save who mattered most.

and yet these are still all born of their fundamental characteristics, and even if they’ve changed, those innate features are still around.

i think the best example of this is william. william’s fear didn’t disappear, it simply adopted a different form. he didn’t cower away from terrifying situations; he dove into them headfirst with his teeth bared instead, like a nervous dog who bites. he did that until his actions became a haunting mistake, and then, he wilted away from fearful situations. he couldn’t bear to look the trickster in the eyes; tried to turn on his heel and run from it because he was so petrified. when he dies, he’s forced to dive into the outcome of his worst fears again and delve into what scares him at the core of it: his biggest fear is himself. he has to accept what— who— he is to create a permanent shift in that relationship with his fear.

[cressthebest]

Crimson Rivers thoughts pt. 17

chapter 30:

1. nightmare/dream evan: “"Even the best climbers can fall, lover boy."” 😟 i-

2. the reoccurring dream about evan is DEVESTATING AND GUTWRENCHING every. single. time.

3. “"I know what it is to have a best friend—a really good one, in fact—and they tend not to blame you for the things you can't forgive yourself for."” deep breath, deep breath, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

4. 🥰🥰 wolfstar!!

5. ““Any memory you lose, I'll hold onto. Any memory you invent is just—it's real in some other life, how about that?”” DEEP SOBBING

6. 😟 wdym remus is the one in azkaban?? wdym?? WDYM????

7. 😟 james’ reasons for showering six times HURT

8. PANDORA MY BELOVED!!! she’s literally a godsend

9. AWWWW the first person he ever gives a finger/hand kiss to is pandora because he thinks she’s worthy of such respect!! i’m literally gonna cry

10. (pandora smelling like lemons is so canon, fight me)

11. 😒 ew walburga and orion mention

12. one second, reg is like, when we get back home, i need space, the next second, he notices james has his glasses back and goes straight to kissing him. sir 😭😭

13. regulus is trying to push away, but he’s constantly drawn to james like a magnet. it’s going to be a beautiful love whenever regulus is ready to continue with james

14. “"Use me. Have me, then discard me. Hurt me. I don't care, Regulus. You can do anything to me, and I'll thank you for it every time."” FOING FERAL OVER THIS

15. “”A slap across the face is just a hand cradling a cheek with too much force,"” 😧

16. STOP WITH THE GODDAMN PARTING GIFTS!! MY HEART CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE

17. sirius kissing the inside of the mask so remus will always be kissing him when it’s on. i-

18. i physically am not okay with wolfstar having to part. like, not okay at all.

19. !!!!! demisexual sirius! my buddy! i feel so seen! the way he has handled sex and wanting sex with others and everything about that is so reminiscent of my experiences and it’s wonderful to be seen

20. NOOOO WOLFSTAR!! MY BABIES!!!

21. sirius:memory loss as james:passage of time

22. EFFIE AND MONTY!!! LETS GOOOOO

chapter 31:

1. LILY!!

2. lily being the best to have sex with cause “no one does it like her” >>>>>>>>>>>>>>

3. dumbledore is a lying bitch. he told lily that remus was executed. BITCH

4. dorcas >>>>>>>>>

5. 😧 FABIAN AND GIDEON’S DEATH WAS A SACRIFICE MADE BY DUMBLEDORE SO DORCAS COULD LIVE??? HES EVEN MORE CORRUPT THAN PRESIDENT COIN

6. i love how dorcas sees dumbledore as the lesser of two evils (other being riddle) and has never once been deluded enough to think dumbledore was a good guy

7. 😟 biological warfare….

8. oh no. dorlene or dorlily endgame? shit shit shit

9. okay wait, i don’t think it’s gonna be dorlily endgame. (watch these predictions bite me in the ass later)

10. awww lily has a petunia tattoo

11. no no NO NO NO REMUS BUDDY! ARE THEY GONNA EXPERIMENT ON HIM??

12. i- i wasn’t prepared for my favorite character to be PHYSICALLY TORTURED

13. authors note just let me know that it’s not dorlily endgame, and they’re just buddies

[gambitsheart]

an unnamed lawrence gordon analysis piece

summary: just a gutwrenching character analysis of lawrence gordon and his grief and guilt over the events of saw 2004. proceed with caution /lh

word count: 1.5k

content: no major warnings!! second person perspective from lawrence's perspective. enjoy!

-

you told yourself this was the end of this, that you were done with all this nonsense. that last time was the last time you would step out onto the balcony and into the unforgiving cold at half past midnight,

cigarette in hand, lamenting.

although, you didn’t have much of a reason to be mourning the man that you yourself had left to die,

no, you didn’t have a very good reason at all.

and it had been nearly a decade by now anyway.

at least, what you thought might’ve been a decade. you’d spent so much of your time throughout the years in this same routine that you weren’t really sure exactly how long it had been.

not that it mattered much anyway,

because the last time was never the last time,

no matter how many times you said it would be.

you are no stranger to grief or death,

and you are no stranger to this pattern

this brutal, unforgiving pattern of..

well, you weren’t really sure what to call it

all you knew, really, was the bitter taste of a cigarette you’d long since quit when you first met adam stanheight,

and the even more bitter taste of what could have been.

you weren’t entirely sure what it was about him that was so special to you.

you’d met in an old dingy bathroom in the middle of an abandoned warehouse,

shackled to old pipes, meant to kill each other,

so, what could there possibly have been about this manic, anger riddled, bitter boy you’d met in the worst of circumstances, that you just couldn’t let go of?

you find yourself asking yourself this question more often than not,

when you’re staring mindlessly out into the abyss from your balcony,

fiddling with a cigarette you’d been holding for god knows how long, but never smoked.

what was it, what was it really, about this boy you knew for a few hours,

that you just couldn’t let go of?

maybe, it was his attitude.

in your line of work, you seldom had the chance to meet someone with such a devil may care, reckless abandon attitude,

and usually it would have put you off,

but not with adam.

maybe, it was his body.

although you’d never been one for looks, you couldn’t deny that adam stanheight had been the most beautiful boy you’d ever laid eyes on.

maybe, it was his voice.

to many others, you were sure it might come off as annoying, what with his voice being what you would have otherwise described as pitchy had it not been that it was adam. yes, you were sure many people would write him off as annoying.

but not you.

no, not at all.

you’d heard many voices in and out on a daily basis for years,

some of them shrill and overbearing,

some of them monotone and boring,

some of them smooth and charming,

some of them deep and confident,

but none of them quite as sweet as adam stanheight’s.

maybe, it was his compassion.

sure, he came off as aggressive and uncaring at times,

maybe he even came off as cold and pompous a few times,

and maybe he wanted you to think he didn’t care,

maybe he had planned on killing you in that room,

but he didn’t.

no, in fact, adam stanheight hadn’t wanted to kill you at all,

even from the beginning, he was so clearly fighting a battle you knew was impossible for him to win.

you knew the circumstances, you knew his fate even before your tape had finished playing.

but still, he tried.

he comforted you the best he knew how in a situation that seemed hopeless.

maybe, just maybe,

it was none of these things.

no, not quite.

maybe, just maybe,

none of this had mattered at all,

not in that moment,

not until after you had left that bathroom and he was long gone.

maybe, just maybe,

it was the way he had felt in your hands.

it was a brief moment,

a fleeting moment,

yet, one that would never flee your mind,

no matter how many times you tried,

and trust me,

you’ve tried.

tried to forget the stinging feeling of his nails digging into your skin, begging to hold on, just for a little while longer.

tried to forget the mindless motion of your thumb brushing over what would have otherwise been his perfectly soft skin had it not been for those circumstances.

tried to forget the lack of distance between the both of you.

tried to forget the feeling of his laboured breath against your cheek.

tried to forget the burning hot tears rolling down his cheeks and onto your own hand.

tried to forget just how perfect he had felt, even in the most dire situation.

tried to forget, that no matter how much you wished him back,

no matter how much you hated yourself for leaving him in that god awful bathroom,

no matter how many nights you spent sobbing your life away, cigarette in hand,

begging him to come back,

that adam stanheight was not coming back.

you would never feel the perfect warmth of his skin on yours again,

you would never see those perfectly desperate eyes staring deep into yours again,

you would never know what it was like to truly touch adam stanheight,

to love him,

to give him the life he deserved,

to tell him that he was enough.

you would never know who adam stanheight was, not really.

hell, you only knew his last name from your mentor’s notes.

you didn’t even know how old he was when he died.

you didn’t know his favourite colour,

or his favourite bands,

or how he liked his coffee in the morning,

or if he even liked coffee.

you didn’t know if he preferred cats or dogs,

or if he was allergic,

you didn’t know his favourite food,

or what position he slept in at night.

you didn’t know what exactly it was he did for work,

or what his dream job had been.

you didn’t know his parents names,

or if he had siblings,

if they fought like typical siblings.

you didn’t know if he’d ever planned on having kids,

or what his plans were for the future,

if he might have any friends,

or a pet,

or a hobby he really enjoyed.

the more you thought of it,

you didn’t know jackshit about adam stanheight, not really.

but what you did know, you’d fallen so deeply in love with.

you knew his name was adam.

you knew he was around 5 feet 8 inches in height.

you knew he had striking green eyes and tousled brown hair.

you knew he fidgeted when he was nervous, specifically his fingers.

you knew he wanted to fix his relationship with his parents.

you knew he had a recent ex girlfriend, that she'd broken up with him.

you knew he watched a lot of movies, mostly sci-fi or action based on his reaction to waking up with no idea where he was.

you knew he was a photographer.

you knew he didn’t make great money.

you know that he did what he did just to live.

you know that he deserved to live.

you know that those were the screams of a man that wanted to live.

you know that he won.

you know that he was too young to die.

you know that it should have been you left in that room.

you know that you broke your promise.

you know that you were one of the last people to see him alive.

you know that he fell off the face of the earth without a trace.

you know that adam stanheight tried his best.

yes, that’s exactly what he did.

adam stanheight did his best,

and still, he died alone in that room, exactly where you’d left him.

even after all these years, you’re sure that not only did adam stanheight die of starvation and dehydration, he died of these things wondering why.

why had you left him there?

why had you promised him you’d come back if you weren’t going to keep it?

why had you given him a space in which he felt okay to be himself, for once in his absolutely pathetic life, only to rip it away, just like that?

to be entirely honest, you didn’t even have the answer to these questions, no matter how many nights they kept you awake, carving themselves into the back of your brain.

you weren’t entirely sure you wanted the answers anyway.

you’d given enough time to these thoughts,

lord knows you have.

one in particular, though, keeps the gears in that wretched brain of yours turning, even more so than they already do.

the sickening thought that you, dr. lawrence gordon, are the reason adam stanheight is dead.

you are the reason that he never got to live his life,

that you were both deprived of a safe place within each other,

that it is nobody’s fault but your own, and you have absolutely nobody else to blame but yourself.