#it's given me so much Energy for Making Things

[teaboot]

Sorry if this comes off as rude, or too personal, but how do you still have the mental strength to be like you are, after everything you've gone through? Like, not to make suffering a competition, but from what you've shared, it seems like you've had to deal with so much more than most, and yet you're still able to create, engage in the things you love and enjoy, and even wish better for the people who'd only want the worst for you. As someone who hasn't been able to do any of those for a while now, or feel anything beyond a sticky sense of resentment, I'd appreciate the words of someone who's been in shit miles deeper, if that isn't too much trouble. Sorry if this whole thing sounds weird, and thanks for being one of the weird funny guys on my dash, you've given me lots of laughs when I've needed them.

Oh, wow. Uh.

I think first off- not to minimize my experiences cause my therapist says not to do that- but I have a LOT of friends and loved ones who have been through much worse and are also doing good now, so that kinda helps. Knowing that if they got through things, I can too, and they don’t think less of ME for struggling.

Secondly… I think I used to not be so happy about life. I was really angry, really sharp and ascerbic, and when people who met me matched my energy, they’d be sharp and ascerbic back. And so I’d trap myself in this place where life ALREADY sucked, and then everyone around me was awful, so I’D be awful, and it would turn into this absolute mire of bad feeding bad.

And then one day I think after a long good cry in a public toilet, I just felt… better? Not BETTER, because I still had all my problems, but I think I was riding that post-cry high you get sometimes and the sun just looked brighter, and the annoying kids around me were just… less aggravating. The dumb teen boys being idiots were less “stupid morons with no depth who don’t care and can’t think” were just… regular old dumbasses having fun. And then I said hello to someone with a smile, and they smiled back, and we had this great conversation I never would have had otherwise, and I figured out that people are kind to you when you’re kind first.

Which seems obvious, but like… it’s hard to see anyone else when you’re hurting. And so when people are cruel or rude to me, I just think… wow. People probably see you being an asshole and treat you like an asshole. You probably see your own bad attitude reflected back at you everywhere you go, just like I did, and you probably have no idea. Every stranger you meet is a rude bitch who hates your face, and you’ll never be able to go anywhere that isn’t full of tense, defensive, cranky bastards until you figure out that YOU are causing the bulk of it. Like a dog trying to run from the shit on its tail.

And the idea of living your whole life where nobody is happy to see you, nobody truly enjoys your company, everyone is walking on eggshells and waiting for you to snap on them…. That’s a pretty sad and painful way to live your whole entire life.

So like. I try to treat people kindly, and in return I get to see happy people wherever I go. I try to make them laugh, and listen to them talk, and once they do they aren’t frightening or annoying or strange anymore.

most people, at least.

So like… I don’t think “look on the bright side” is the right answer, but maybe… find something good to believe in, and hold on.

I believe that people at large are good and kind or at least trying their best, and that those who can’t or aren’t are… sort of pitiable.

They don’t know where their pain is coming from, and they can’t make it go away, and it’s been like that so long they probably think the whole world is just LIKE that. So they never really get to experience the good things. And that’s… kind of like a hell, I think, in a way.

I don’t believe in karma. I don’t think I’m religious. I just think that we all want similar things, and we all fear similar things, and the ways we go about getting to or running from those things is different.

….if any of that makes sense.

[divinesangel]

— 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐞𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲’𝐫𝐞 𝐣𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐬 [𝐝𝐞𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐝]

pm me for an affordable, in-depth personal reading!

— 𝐩𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐚 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞!

— 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟏

they won’t always say they’re jealous out loud. not at first. it’ll show in small ways. like a sudden shift in their energy, their tone getting a little sharper, or them going quiet for just a second too long. their eyes will give them away before their mouth ever does. they’ll look at you like they’re trying to figure something out, like they’re watching too closely.

they’ll try to act unbothered at first. play it cool. brush it off like it’s nothing. but underneath, they’ll be thinking a lot. overthinking, honestly. wondering if they have to compete for your attention, even if you’ve given them no reason to feel that way. because when they care, they care deeply. and jealousy, for them, comes from that same place. it’s not about control. it’s about fear. fear of losing something they’re scared to admit matters that much.

they might get more affectionate. clingier in a subtle way. reaching for your hand more, showing up where you are, giving compliments that feel extra specific, as if they’re reminding you that they know you better than anyone else. and they do. they just get scared sometimes. especially if they see you shining or connecting with others in a way that makes them feel replaceable.

sometimes, they’ll get defensive. tease you a little too hard. make sarcastic comments that feel light on the surface but have heat underneath. and if they really feel pushed, they might pull back completely. not because they’re done. but because they’re hurt. they’d rather retreat than admit they’re jealous. pride gets in the way. they don’t want to seem weak.

but once they feel safe again. once you look them in the eyes and show them there’s no threat, no competition, no one else taking up the space they want to hold. they soften. they open back up. maybe even admit it. “i was jealous,” they’ll say, half embarrassed, half honest. and it’ll mean something when they do. because they don’t share that part of themselves with just anyone.

when they’re jealous, it’s messy in a quiet way. not explosive. not toxic. just very human. they want to be your favorite person, and when they feel like they’re not, it rattles them. but if you love them right. if you show up, reassure, and keep things honest. they learn to manage it. and they’ll love you even more for making them feel chosen. again and again.

— 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟐

when your soulmate gets jealous, it’s not loud or obvious. they don’t yell, they don’t accuse, and they don’t start fights. instead, it shows up quietly. at first, they’ll act like everything is fine, maybe even go out of their way to seem extra calm or cheerful. they might smile the same way, say all the right things, but there’s something just a little off. something in their eyes, in the way they pause before answering, in the way they seem distracted when they usually give you their full attention.

they’re proud. they don’t want to be the kind of person who gets jealous. they might even feel silly for it. so they try to hide it, to bury the feeling under politeness and jokes and “it’s nothing, don’t worry about it.” they’re the kind of person who overthinks when they’re hurt. they’ll replay a conversation again and again in their head, wondering if they misunderstood, wondering if they’re being too sensitive. they don’t want to lose you, and that fear — no matter how small — makes them hesitate.

so instead of telling you right away, they pull back just a little. maybe they take longer to text you back. maybe they stop calling as often. maybe they stop asking so many questions about your day. not because they don’t care — but because they care too much, and they’re scared of what the answers might be. they’re trying to protect themselves from getting hurt.

and yet, at the same time, they’re still watching. still noticing. they catch every smile you give someone else, every time you talk about someone new, every inside joke they’re not part of. and it stings. not in a possessive way, but in that quiet ache of “i hope i’m enough.” they start to question things they never used to question. is this just a phase? are you drifting away? are they imagining it? they don’t want to ask, because they’re afraid the answer might confirm their worst fear.

but jealousy doesn’t mean they don’t trust you. it means they love you deeply, and that love feels a little fragile sometimes. it means you matter so much that the idea of losing your attention, your affection, your warmth — it shakes them. and when it gets too much, when holding it in feels heavier than letting it out, they’ll come to you. quietly, cautiously, with soft eyes and hesitant words. they’ll probably start with “this might sound dumb but…” or “i know it’s probably nothing…” because they’re not trying to start a fight. they’re just trying to be honest. they’re trying to say, “i care. i noticed. and it made me feel small for a second.”

and what they really want — what their heart is hoping for — is not an apology, not a promise, not even an explanation. they just want you to see them. to notice that they’re hurting. to hold space for their vulnerability. to say, even in a small way, “i’m not going anywhere. you still matter most.”

when they’re jealous, they don’t need drama or attention. they need tenderness. reassurance. a gentle hand, a kind word, a look that says, “you don’t have to worry. i’m still here.” because behind their quiet distance is someone who loves you more than they know how to say. someone who is learning, little by little, that love is safe here. and that they don’t have to hide their heart to keep it from breaking.

— 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟑

they’ll try to keep it together on the outside. they won’t always say what they’re feeling. instead, they’ll pull back just a little, like they’re trying to hide what’s bothering them. they’ll overthink it, replaying the moment in their head. they’ll feel this storm of emotion — insecurity, protectiveness, fear of losing you — but they’ll try to keep it controlled. they might go quiet, seem more serious, act a bit colder than usual. they’ll retreat a bit, like they’re trying to get themselves under control before speaking.

jealousy hits them hard, not because they don’t trust you, but because they care so much it scares them. you’re someone they feel deeply for. and that depth comes with fear — fear of not being enough, of losing what they love. it’s not that they want to control you. it’s just that when they care, they care fully. and they’ve likely been hurt before. their past might make them wary, guarded. they may try to act like they’re above those emotions, like they’re stronger than that — but inside, it eats at them.

when they’re jealous, they’ll be more observant. they’ll notice everything. who you talk to. how long. the tone in your voice. they won’t say it out loud, but their body will — a clenched jaw, arms crossed, that slight shift in their energy. they’ll want to know they’re still the one you want. and when they feel threatened, they’ll battle with themselves: do they say something or stay quiet and seem strong?

but even with all that, the truth is: they don’t want to hurt you or start a fight. they’ll try to work through it internally first. they’ll think about whether it’s their own insecurities talking. but if it gets too heavy, they’ll eventually open up — and when they do, it’ll be honest and raw. they’ll tell you they just didn’t know where they stood, or that they got scared. because jealousy, for them, is really just a fear of losing something they’ve finally found.

you’ll also notice that when they’re jealous, there’s a strong desire to prove something. to reclaim space in your heart. they’ll show up more — not with anger, but with intention. they’ll remind you of your bond, of what you share. maybe through affection, maybe through effort, maybe through a little possessiveness that’s more protective than toxic. they’ll want to make sure you still see them, still choose them.

they’re someone who feels big emotions in quiet ways. someone who leads with strength but underneath just wants to be loved deeply and not left behind. jealousy won’t turn them cruel — it’ll make them ache. but with time, trust, and reassurance, they’ll learn that love doesn’t have to come with fear. and you’ll see the light come back in them, softer, more secure — because when they feel safe, they shine.

𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 !

hi! it’s daphne here.

i’m currently offering personal readings for €7 and soulmate readings for €14 so don’t hesitate to send me a private message if you’re interested!

thank you for being here!

[minuutvanverval]

I Won’t See You Tonight (Part 1)

description: following his disqualification from eurovision, joost finds himself breaking down to you.

words: somewhere around 1.4k <3

warnings: angst, rpf

a/n: based on the song ‘i won’t see you tonight’ by avenged sevenfold, one of my favourites! i haven’t written any fics since 2021, when this used to be an mcr account, so pls excuse my awful structure while i get back into it!!

<3

The rain was restless, pouring down from a sky that seemed to echo Joost. You watched him from where you stood, underneath the thin shelter outside the store, the cold from the night air cutting through your clothes. The streets were deserted, except for the occasional car speeding by, headlights cutting through the downpour. The light from the streetlamps flickered overhead, casting a pale glow over everything, making everything feel surreal.

You could barely hear the sound of your own thoughts over the rain’s beat against the pavement. The sound of Joost’s harsh breathing, however, was unmistakable. He was standing just a few feet away, hunched over, staring at the ground like it could offer him some kind of solace. His shoulders were tense, his hoodie drenched, but he didn’t seem to care. The storm outside mirrored how he felt.

You knew the news had hit him hard. You could feel it in the way he moved, the way his voice had shaken when he’d hung up the phone this morning. His dream had been shattered in an instant. But it wasn’t just the disqualification that was breaking him. No, this was deeper. It was the crushing weight of everything he’d invested — the hope, the effort, the time, the hope the belief.

And now he was standing there, in the rain, pulling further and further away from you with every second that passed.

You had tried to talk to him when he first got back, but he had pushed you away, retreating into the quiet shell of himself. His eyes - usually full of life and energy - were now dull, as if some part of him had already given up.

“Joost…” You stepped forward, your voice barely audible.

His body stiffened as you approached. He didn’t look up, didn’t acknowledge your presence at first. His hands clenched into fists in the pocked of his jacket, the muscles in his back taut as though he were holding onto whatever tiny shred of control he had left.

“Joost,” you repeated, a little louder now, stepping closer. Yet still so softly. “Please, talk to me. I know this is hard. I know you’re hurting.”

He finally moved then, his head moving up to look at you, and you saw the emotion in his eyes. It wasn’t just sadness. It was rage, pure and raw. The type of rage that came from feeling completely helpless, from losing something you had worked so hard for.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he snapped, his voice a mixture of frustration and despair. “What’s there to talk about? I fucked up. That’s it. It’s over.”

You flinched at his tone, but you couldn’t give up. You couldn’t let him drown in this darkness alone.

“You didn’t fuck anything up…” you said gently, your hands reaching out to him. “You did so well. It’s not over, Joost. You can try again. There’ll be other things-”

“No!” He snapped, his face twisted in a grimace of pain and fury. “Stop saying that! You don’t get it!” His voice cracked, the anger quickly giving way to something darker. “I thought this was it. I thought I had it. And now it’s all gone…”

The words hit you like a physical blow. You could see it - the way his entire body shook, the way his chest heaved as though he couldn’t catch his breath. You had seen Joost angry before, but this was different. This wasn’t just anger. This was the kind of grief that came from losing everything you had worked for, everything you believed in.

You reached for him, your hand trembling as you gently placed it on his bicep lovingly. “Joost, please, look at me. You’re not nothing. You’re not. You have so much-”

“Stop it!” He suddenly pulled away, violently shaking off your touch like it burnt him. His breath was coming faster now, erratic. “Stop trying to fix it! You think you can just make it better? You can’t. You don’t understand how this feels. I’ve worked my entire life for this. And now it’s all over. I... I can’t-!”

The frustration in his voice cut through you like a knife. It hurt. You had never seen him like this - completely unraveling, tearing at the seams. He was falling apart, and you were standing helplessly in front of him, wanting to catch him, but knowing you couldn’t. Not like this. He was too far gone.

You stepped back, instinctively giving him space. But even though you were only a foot away, it felt like you were already so far away from him. You had never felt this kind of distance, even when you argued. This was different.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered, his voice barely a whisper now. He ran a hand through his soaked hair, his face crumpling in exhaustion and grief. “I didn’t mean to… to yell. It’s just… It’s just so fucking much, and I don’t know how to deal with it. I don’t know what to do with all this shit. And you-“

“I’m here,” you interrupted softly, your heart breaking at the sight of him, at the way he was breaking down in front of you. “I’m always here, Joost. You don’t have to do this alone. You don’t have to go through this by yourself.”

He shook his head violently. “No,” he muttered, almost to himself. “You don’t get it. I need to be alone. I need space to… to breathe. To think. I need time.”

Your breath caught in your throat. The words felt like a dagger. You had known, deep down, that he was pulling away, but hearing him say it out loud - he needed to be alone - like the last thread between you both snapping in an instant.

“Joost, no-” you whispered, your voice trembling as you took another step closer. “You don’t have to be alone. I can stay. I’ll be right here—”

“Don’t you get it?” he spit, his eyes wild with desperation and pain. “I need to be alone. I need to figure out what the hell I’m supposed to do with myself. I need time to fall apart. I can’t have you here, watching me break. It’s not fair to you. You don’t deserve this.”

Your breath hitched in your chest, and for a moment, everything seemed to stop. The rain still beat down restlessly, but you couldn’t hear anything except the hammering of your own heartbeat.

“You don’t get to decide what I- I just- Joost, please,” you whispered, your eyes welling up with tears that you refused to let fall. “I’m not leaving. I don’t care about what you think I deserve or don’t deserve. I love you. And I’m not going anywhere.”

But even as you said it, you could see it in his eyes - he was already so far away. And no matter how much you wanted to reach for him, no matter how hard you wanted to hold him together, he wasn’t letting you.

“I don’t want you near me,” he said, his voice breaking as he took another step back, his gaze cold now, distant. “I need you to go. I need to be alone.”

The words felt like a punch to the gut, and suddenly, you could hardly breathe. The person you loved, the person you thought you knew, was standing there, pushing you away, telling you to leave. And you had to. There was no other choice.

“I-I’ll give you space,” you sniffle, the words bitter and hollow in your mouth. “But I’ll always be here, Joost. Whenever you’re ready.”

He turned away then, your heart shattering with each step he took. The rain soaked his clothes, his skin, but nothing could numb the pain in your chest. It hurt. Physically. The feeling of loss, of being left behind, was too much. You didn’t know if he would ever let you back in, but you couldn’t force him.

You loved him too much.

a/n: yeah… sorry. spoiler alert i hurt myself more writing part 2 though. please leave a little comment to let me know what you thought!!!!

part 2 here…

[lastofthewardens]

SPOILERS i'll probably be talking about mostly foggy but also some other things so read at your own risk

alright. i said i'd wait until the end of the season to be mean, but now the season is over, and i have no reason to care or be cautious anymore.

i'm the most livid about the foggy stuff so i'm going to start there.

last week, when they revealed vanessa ordered the hit, i was pretty hopeful. but i thought about what this episode could look like over the past week, and i decided my worst case scenario was if it was confirmed that vanessa specifically wanted foggy dead. if that happened, it was over, and i wasn't going to let them fuck with my emotions anymore. that was my line in the sand.

and so here we are. because vanessa ordered dex SPECIFICALLY to kill him.

i really don't think, after seeing that finale, that foggy is coming back. i already didn't after watching the way they chose to film his death scene, but against my better judgment, i let myself believe as the season went on, especially this past week, and i wish i had just kept the same energy the whole time now because this hurts way more.

but i'm also kind of glad i didn't because it makes me more angry too.

i've said it before, but they've been outright cruel in the way they've handled things with foggy. they've laughed about wrecking everything, they've done really weird interviews saying frankly really weird things, they've directly teased brubaker on social media..

the most cruel part though, to me at least, is adapting foggy's fake "death" from the brubaker comics without it being fake. filming the scene with similar or at least comparable shots, the matt hearing his heartbeat stuff, having it be an ordered hit, having matt think fisk was behind it only to reveal it was vanessa, having all the necessary characters and puzzle pieces around, using so much of that plot.. and then stopping short of having foggy be alive. THAT'S fucked up.

they have, i believe intentionally if i'm being honest, strung foggy fans along for most of this season. they had to know they were inviting brubaker theories, they had to know people would hope, speculate, wish for an adaptation of the secret life of foggy nelson. there's no way they didn't know exactly what they were doing when they chose these plot points.

i complained about the "maybe i didn't want to give you an excuse" line back when it happened because it doesn't make sense for foggy to be complaining about daredevil anymore given where the original show left off. and even after how stupid it already was, they somehow managed to make this line even worse too?

because karen told matt that foggy saw the true matt, light and dark, matt/daredevil/etc, and believed in him anyway. so what the fuck was that line of dialogue from episode 1 then? lmao. WHY did they have him say THAT, especially as his last words to matt EVER? i allowed myself to hope that if foggy was alive, that line would be out of context, that maybe he knew the red hook stuff was connected to fisk, and he was hiding it because of the deal matt made with fisk/not wanting matt to potentially accidentally break their truce. in that case, the dialogue could be referring to not wanting to give matt an excuse (to break the truce). but no, he had no idea about any of that, he thought it was a random truck robbery apparently and had no clue what he stumbled into lmao. great.

the only explanation i can think of is that they had foggy say that because it assisted the plot. they wanted matt to feel bad and just did it, and then by episode 9, they probably forgot because it made no sense to begin with. that's part of the problem this show has btw. so many lines of dialogue and other stuff is entirely dictated by the plot or wanting to sound cool or be quotable rather than anything that makes sense for the characters. i'm still not fucking over "my mistake was believing i was immune to the darkness". what a wildly bad misread of the character, just a horrible line of dialogue. i don't know if there's any basis for that in other materials that i haven't seen, but in the netflix show iteration of this character, matt knowing he's got darkness inside is half the plot, dude.

speaking of character assassination though. cole n*rth is probably going to go through some weird redemption plot next season i'm sure, but uh. wow. the things they've done with him have certainly been a choice.

and kirst*n mcd*ffie.. hoo boy. she's one of my top 5 favorite characters in the comics. i see the potential in her scenes, but they wasted her the whole time and barely gave her anything, and i'm annoyed as fuck about that too. i would've loved to see this actress play her alongside matt and foggy like in the comics (and being able to include karen could've been fun).

i also just want to say.. i'm a mattfoggy first and foremost, i'm sure anyone reading my posts can gather that, it's very obvious. but i'm also a fan of matt x karen, it's my second favorite ship after mattfoggy. and in a world where foggy wasn't dead, i'd be glad to see them work it out, but. watching them use foggy's death as a prop to make that happen makes me mad as fuck. foggy deserves better, i think foggy fans probably feel that way, but i think matt x karen also deserves better than that. and while i understand people do bond over these things, the way they did it here just felt weird to me. i've felt this way since "i refuse to believe a tragedy had to destroy everything", which is something the real matt would NEVER say about foggy nelson being dead. comics matt and even netflix matt would NEVER. and the scenes about it tonight only made me feel that more.

some of those scenes also gave me the impression they think they can just replace foggy with karen, which will never be okay. karen is her own person with her own personality and her own function in the narrative. neither of them can replace the other, that's not how it works.

like the scene where karen tells matt how foggy felt about him.. why her telling him that? it literally makes sense, i guess, but why? why not have a foggy hallucination at some point express those things? or even when he's 'dying' after taking the shot for fisk, he could've talked to foggy if he's really dead? or even a foggy who came back from being dead! because those words would've meant a lot more after a foggy is alive reveal! karen telling him that stuff couldn't possibly have the same impact as foggy saying it after "maybe i didn't want to give you an excuse". (a stupid line of dialogue, yes, but if they chose to roll with it anyway and try to explain it away). can you imagine after matt thinks foggy hated daredevil, he reluctantly picks up the mask against "foggy's wishes", only for foggy to eventually come back and tell him he knows him and believes in him?

i've said it before and i'll say it again, this show, EVEN THE NEW EPISODES BY THE NEW TEAM, is mostly just missed opportunities: the show.

also i clocked the clumsy attempt to explain how fisk got out of prison and it just made me laugh. 'oh there was fbi corruption so that's why my husband got acquitted' LMAO. what a weak explanation for a plot point that should've been adequately handled but whatever.

extra side note just for a bonus.. the slowmo in the fight with matt, frank, and the police in matt's apartment was horrible. no idea why they did that. it actively made the fight seem worse than it was lol.

and i'll say one more thing. there's a world in which foggy is like.. in actual witpro or something. like for example if there's a case being built against fisk that we don't know about yet, and he's stuck in real witpro until fisk and vanessa are dealt with. i hesitate to say that because i honestly do not think that's happening at all, but i have to acknowledge that it's at least a small chance. resuscitated in the ambulance unbeknownst to everyone, hidden away by actual law enforcement who aren't corrupt... idk, i guess it's possible, right?

but i seriously don't think you guys should get your hopes up at all. i don't want anyone to be sad or hopeless or anything like that. it's just that i think the only real possibility of foggy coming back now in the capacity he deserves is if people are angry.

because i don't think these showrunners (or half the people involved tbh, despite 'we care a lot' lmao) give a fuck about foggy at all. it's transparently clear they bring him up to inject easy emotion into scenes and that's it. i mean, come on, the avocados at law thing? don't get me wrong, in a world where foggy's not dead i'd eat that fanservice up, but they're purposely invoking these things for a reason. which doesn't have to be bad but reads as pretty shitty in the context of everything else they've done. they're doing it because it's easy to make you emotional that way. they don't have to write better dialogue that way. nostalgia bait indeed.

so i think if you're mad, you should use that, you should be open about this foggy stuff on social media and wherever else (don't be aggressive or hateful though; if you are, you'll just get blocked or ignored, and it's better if they hear you out). because if everyone sings their praises for these last two episodes, they'll think no one cares, and they need to know people are unhappy or they'll just carry on.

i don't know why they have elden in season 2, or what foggy's role will be, but let them hear you. even if they've started to backtrack on their own (press x to doubt), speaking up would only be good for foggy either way. they need to know fans do care and aren't happy with this.

[salesmancarddd]

One day, three autumns

✹ Thanos x Fem!Reader

❥ Honey and Clover (2006)

Summary: After years of following separate paths, two childhood friends unexpectedly reconnected through a random late-night call sparked by nostalgia and alcohol.

Warning: mention of drugs, SA, hint of suicide.

Note: Since the voting is over, thanos had the most voting out of 102 people, i expected to be like this so i came prepared for every possibility ☘️

MASTERLIST SONG (in case you wanna listen)

Every day and night felt the same, you couldn’t even tell the difference anymore. Making rap songs and having high nights felt like an unending loop, repeating each day.

Life was great in some ways—being popular and having a lot of eyes on you. Yet, each night, he felt like he was losing himself, unsure if he was truly alive in that moment. But why should it matter? He had everything he wanted and everyone he desired. Whatever he wished for, he knew he would get it anyway.

That one night was like any other, getting high after a song hit big, with everyone talking about it on social media, treating him like a god. Yet, amid the pride, there was emptiness in his heart. It didn’t bother him, though; after all, everyone adored him. He stared at his phone, barely making eye contact, watching the glowing screen in the dimly lit room. He assumed he was just calling a pizzeria to order a few pizzas, like he usually did.

“Yeah, I’d like to order a pizza with extra cheese and any toppings—you can throw whatever hell on it, just make sure you deliver it to the same address.”

That’s when he heard a different voice on the other end, making him pause. The voice sounded familiar, but thanks to the alcohol, it was difficult to piece it together.

“Um, what?” came the confused response from the other end, as if questioning why he was calling at such late hours, especially to order pizza.

“Shit,” he thought to himself.

“Oh hey, baby long time no see, Just wanted to check in—how have you been?” The slurring of his words made it clear he was not completely coherent.

“What? You called me at this hour just to ask that?” she replied, her tone clearly annoyed.

“Don’t be like that, [insert different female name] baby. I’m just asking a simple question, yk how I am,” he smirked into the phone, despite his head still spinning.

“This is Y/N, not [the name he used],” she said, and those words jolted him back to reality. He almost dropped his phone upon hearing her name—Y/N, the girl he used to spend so much time with when they were kids, the one who went to prom with him, the girl he had never stopped thinking about. That Y/N.

In a panic, the only thing he could do was hang up the phone. Still in shock, he sat there, feeling strangely grounded as the high began to fade away. What had just happened? He picked up his phone and stared at the number. It was the same one she had given him when they drifted apart—a treasure he had held onto. He found himself lost in thought, staring at it as if hours had passed.

That night, he didn’t sleep at all. His mind was consumed by the phone call, berating himself for having called her in that state. What would she think of him? She was the last person he wanted to see him like this.

“You’re late again,” his manager said sharply as he walked in. “This is the third time in three weeks.”

Thanos sighed, rolling his eyes at the accusation. “I know, I know. It won’t happen again, ya-da-ya. Can we just get this over with?” He walked over to the studio and put on his headphones.

“If you keep this up, it will affect your popularity. Take this seriously,” his manager warned in a professional tone. Thanos rolled his eyes again.

“As if that would matter to me, man. People love me, and I’m still a legend a goddamn great legend”

“How long do you think they’ll love you if they find out you’re a low-life junkie who can’t live without drugs? Is that a legend to you? I don’t think so. Take this seriously.” He wanted to argue but didn’t have the energy, besides, what was there to say?

After a long day in the studio, he returned home. Usually, he would hang out with his friends, but ever since that night, he couldn’t stop thinking about Y/N. Coming home only intensified his regret over how he had embarrassed himself in front of her. Should he text her? Maybe apologize? Was it just a mistake? A mistake? Oh no, this wasn’t going well.

His phone was blowing up with photos from his friends, showing him all the fun he was missing and urging him to come out. Eventually, he gave in, thinking that maybe it would help clear his mind of what had happened. Yet, after a few hours at the club, nothing changed. No matter what drugs or alcohol he consumed, his thoughts kept circling back to her.

Should he text her? But how could he? He hadn’t spoken to her in ages, and their first conversation had been a complete mistake. How badly could he mess this up? As he sat down, watching the guys around him having fun in the club, the loud music barely allowed him to hear anything over the noise. Before he could check the number again and gather the nerve to text her, he suddenly heard that same familiar voice again, somehow loud enough to cut through the chaos. He stood up to see her, and there she was…

Why would she be here? How could it possibly be her? Would she even come to a club? Thoughts raced through his mind as he watched her talking to a friend, both of them giggling. Y/N looked breathtaking, as if it were the first time he had ever seen her; that same beauty that had stayed with him all these years. He couldn’t believe this was real. Before he could walk over to her, one of his fans spotted him and started screaming for an autograph. That’s when Y/N's friend, who was also a fan, tugged Y/N’s hand and urged her to approach him.

Thanos was trying to focus on where Y/N was, and when he finally saw her near him, he felt like melting. Her friend asked for a selfie and invited Y/N to join, but she hesitated. In that moment, he was so overwhelmed that he forgot how to act. Y/N obviously didn’t recognize him; she had no idea he’d changed his hair or how much he had altered since they last spoke. To her, he was just some "famous guy." After her friend finished taking the selfie, a crowd of fans formed, all wanting the same.

In a spontaneous move, he reached out and grabbed Y/N’s hand, causing her to turn around with a confused expression.

“Wait, can we talk?” he asked in a rushed tone. She nodded, and he led her to a quieter place.

“Listen, I’m sorry… about that night when I called you. It was a pure accident, I swear,” he stammered, doing his best to keep his nerves in check as he spoke. She listened intently until it dawned on her whom she was speaking to.

“I meant to call someone else, but somehow it was you. And yeah… all that happened,” she replied.

“I see,” she said in a measured tone. “Don’t worry about it. Just make sure it doesn’t happen again.” He expected this response; after all, they had drifted apart because of his bad habits, which had turned their friendship into a distant memory. She saw him as a stranger now, accompanied by shared memories.

Before he could respond, she turned to walk past him. In a moment of desperation, he grabbed her hand to stop her.

“Wait” She didn’t face him.

“Let us—” he started, but she forcefully pulled her hand away from his.

“If that’s the reason you called me here, I have no reason to be here. Have a good day.” Before she could walk away, he reached for her hand again.

“Goddamn it, just wait! Let me explain.”

“Explain what? Explain how you left me for your friends? You never called, you never came back, and now you want to explain yourself?” She still wouldn’t look at him. “What could you possibly say? After everything? Su-bong.”

He hadn’t heard his real name in so long. Time seemed to freeze, and the words he wanted to say wouldn’t come out.

Nothing came out of his mouth. He could see her still refusing to meet his gaze. She let go of his grip and walked away for good, leaving him speechless and motionless in that moment. Just like that, she was gone again.

A few days later, he couldn’t shake the memory of that encounter. His mind was preoccupied until his phone rang. He hadn’t picked it up in days, ignoring countless calls from friends and his manager. But today, he received a call from an unknown number. Sighing to himself and mumbling in annoyance, he grabbed the phone.

“Yeah? What do you want?” he asked, usually not that curt, but he was in no mood for small talk.

“Hello. Is this Choi Su-bong?” He paused for a moment before answering. Usually, no one called him by that name unless it was his manager, and even then, it was only for business.

“Yes? Why?” he replied cautiously. “Who the hell is this?” Was it a prank call from a friend? If so, he certainly wasn’t in the mood for it.

“Greetings, this is Joon-suk from MG Coin. We’re dedicated to advancing the cryptocurrency landscape, and I believe your expertise could significantly contribute to our initiatives. Would you be interested in having this conversation?” the voice on the other end asked.

“Cryptocurrency? What now? What the hell is that? What do you need from me?” After a long explanation, he listened, but to him, everything sounded unreal, especially when the man mentioned they could become rich from this venture. Nevertheless, he didn’t care enough. What was strange was why this person hadn’t contacted his manager instead.

After a long conversation, they reached an agreement that he would invest in cryptocurrency since his popularity would make it easy for him to promote it after all, his fans would listen to him. Over the next few days, he did just that, incorporating crypto into his songs and promoting it everywhere. One night, a friend invited him to a bar to have some fun, and he agreed. While they were chatting, a female waiter walked by.

"What can I get you?" she asked. Half of his friends were still chatting and laughing, making comments on her appearance. They all ordered soju, and when it was Thanos’s turn to speak, he didn’t look at the waitress. Instead, he kept his eyes down with a smirk.

"Are you on the menu?" he said, looking up slowly with his eyes closed, not paying attention to whom he was speaking to. "Also, can I get your number with my order—" He smirked when he opened his eyes, only to realize it was Y/N standing there. He felt as pale as a ghost, and his friends erupted into laughter.

"You heard him, sweetheart, Get us some drinks" one of his friends shouted. Y/N rolled her eyes and walked away while Thanos remained in a state of shock. His friends expected him to laugh along with them like he always did.

"What's up with you? Seen a ghost or something?" one of his friends asked. Before that friend could say anything more, another kept making comments about Y/N.

None of them knew that Thanos knew her, so they assumed she was just a random waitress. "Have you seen how she looked? Goddamn, she’s gorgeous” his friends laughed. Thanos was filled with rage and disbelief. One friend added, "I could stare at that hot thing all day. I bet I could get her number" Thanos glared at him, feeling as if he could rip him apart like a wolf eyeing its prey.

"Why are you giving me that look, bro? Don't you agree with any of this?" the friend asked.

"What the hell makes you think I would agree with this bullshit you’re saying?" Thanos replied, his tone dripping with irritation.

"C'mon, you can't be serious. What makes this bitch so special compared to any other bitches?" Before he could finish, Y/N walked by, placing their soju on the table. The same friend smirked and pulled out his wallet, shoving money inside her shirt.

"How about you treat yourself well? A little tip for the gorgeous girl," he said, while the others laughed. This ignited a fire within Thanos. He jumped up and aggressively grabbed his friend's collar, starting to beat him up. Panic spread throughout the bar as his friends tried to pull him off. Everyone was staring.

"Somebody call an ambulance!" someone shouted from the bar. Y/N stood in shock as they finally pulled Thanos off. There was blood everywhere it felt like a crime scene. When the police and ambulance arrived, they began questioning everyone about what happened. Since Thanos was familiar with the police, he paid them off, knowing that with his wealth and popularity, no one would believe the truth. His hands were still stained with blood as his injured ex-friend was dragged into the ambulance and driven away.

When night fell and his friends left, he remained at the bar. It was a grim sight blood covered the floor. Since there were only two workers that night, Y/N had to clean it up. She sighed, grabbing a towel and kneeling down to scrub the mess. Thanos walked over and knelt beside her.

"Give me a towel" he said. Y/N didn’t respond, she kept ignoring him and continued cleaning.

“Please” he said softly.

She finally glanced at him but didn’t say anything as she handed him the towel. He started cleaning up the mess, feeling her eyes on him in silence. After a few minutes, he finished and stood up, he couldn’t bring himself to look at her. He was painfully aware of everything he had put her through, both now and in the past, and he had no idea what his ex-friends were saying to her.

He should have stopped everything from happening, it was his fault for introducing her to his ex-friends when he knew what they were like.

“You should wash your hands,” her voice snapped him from his thoughts. He looked at his hands, still covered in blood. “I’ll be fine,” he replied, dismissing her concern.

“I’m really sorry.. for what happened today. I didn’t want this to happen. You’re allowed to be mad at me. But I promise you, I never meant for this to occur," he said, searching her eyes for understanding. "I never wanted to make a scene here. I’m sorry, Y/N.”

She stood there, listening to him, while a silence filled the space between them.

“You aren’t the first one to do this, you don’t have to apologize to me,” she said. “Go wash your hands.” He nodded and walked to the sink. She continued observing the scene, which was now clean. She waved goodbye to her coworker who was leaving for the day. “Take care! Have a safe walk home!” The worker waved back before walking out.

When Thanos finished washing his hands, he approached her. Without facing him, she spoke while picking up items from the tables to clean. “It’s getting late, you should go home.” He looked at her. “Don’t worry about me, but aren’t you going home as well?”

“Why would I answer that, exactly?” she asked. He wasn’t sure if she was being defensive or if she was upset with him. “Right, I was just asking,” he said, mimicking her tone. She smiled. Did she really find something to smile about? Yes.

“I’m actually about to leave in a few minutes, which is why I told you that you should go home,” she said.

“So that gives me the excuse to walk you home, then,” he replied, as if he had no shame about what he had done.

“Um, well, actually, I have different plans—better ones,” she smiled, almost smirking. She didn’t have any plans but wanted to play along.

“Oh, my heart! Tsk, you should call an ambulance this time due to being heartbroken from your comment,” she laughed. It was the same joke he used in high school, which she remembered. Slowly, her smile faded. How could she smile at the guy who hurt her? Was she a fool? Yes, she was.

A few minutes passed as she closed the bar. He stood behind her, waiting for her to finish. The silence between them was loud enough to communicate.

“So, which way are we heading?” he asked, breaking the silence.

“You don’t need to walk me home” she said.

“Don’t be ridiculous, cmon let’s go” she smiled, and they both began walking to her apartment. Thanos, as usual, was trying to crack jokes to keep the conversation going.

“I have to be honest with you about something,” he said. She listened as he continued, “I never thought you would allow me to speak with you.” He paused, collecting his thoughts. “Hell, I even thought you would surely kick me out of the bar after that. But you didn’t. Why didn’t you kick me out?”

She listened to his question, Thanos was looking at her, waiting for an answer.

“I didn’t want to kick you out” she replied, observing his confused expression. Was that supposed to answer anything?

“Yes, but why though?” he asked, to which she smiled.

“Simple, I didn’t want to kick you out,” she said.

“But whyyy?” He was even more confused.

“You ask too many questions,” she responded.

“Come on now, is it hard to answer that question? I’m not asking for 50₩ or anything,” he rolled his eyes playfully.

“It would be much easier to give you 50₩ than answer that,” she smiled, almost giggling at the thought.

“Oh really? Then give me,” he said in a playful tone.

“Hmmm, when I think about it, both seem difficult,” she teased.

They continued laughing and chatting as they walked, reminiscing like they used to. When they reached her home, he waved goodbye before heading back. As he walked, he received a text from her: “Goodnight, stinker! Get home safe (~0~),” which made him giggle. How ridiculous of her.

When he got home, all he could think about was her—everything he loved about her. For her, he would steal the stars. Everything she wished would be hers. But there was a part of him that still felt guilt and fear. Would she ever forgive him? Would she be disappointed in him for being like this? All those questions flooded his mind. That night was like any other, he couldn’t sleep, and the night passed too quickly before he could close his eyes.

When he arrived at the studio the next day, his manager was on the phone, yelling. There were notes everywhere. What was he yelling about in the morning? He couldn't care less, he just wanted to get this over with. He was checking his phone, staring at the message she sent him the night before, smiling at the memory of their conversation, but that same feeling of guilt returned.

“Su Bong.” That caught him off guard, he usually called Thanos by a nickname. It was unusual to hear.

“Did you make any agreements recently?” his manager asked in a more passive tone. Thanos paused, thinking. How was he supposed to remember?

“No? I don’t think so,” he replied.

“You think? How can you possibly say ‘I think’?” His manager continued, “Do you have any idea what happened?”

Thanos was confused. He had never seen his manager like this. What could be so bad?

“What are you talking about? Spill it out” he said, lazily placing his phone on the table.

“There’s a recent article about you related to crypto. A few minutes ago, I got a call from that same company demanding more money due to an agreement you wrote,” his manager was absolutely furious.

“A fucking what now?” he exclaimed.

“Don’t play stupid. How could you make an agreement like this on something you didn’t even see?” his manager pressed. “Do you have any idea what this is doing to us? This could ruin everything!”

“What the hell are you talking about? I didn’t make any agreement!” he yelled. His manager showed him a document stating he had agreed to those terms. Thanos paused for a moment. When did this even happen? How was this possible? This had to be a mistake. It all clicked: one night, he had received a call, but he never thought much of it.

“Do you see how bad this is? The whole studio could go into debt, let alone your entire career!” his manager continued to yell. Then he realized something. “Is that why you made those songs? And promoted their company? Are you telling me that you don’t even know?”

Thanos stood there, speechless. Were the drugs really that effective on him that he forgot all of this?

For the next few days, he tried to keep it a secret from Y/N. He didn’t want her to know about the article that labeled him a “how popular rapper star is running crypto.” That could only damage everything he worked so hard to fix. Later that same night, while they were hanging out and talking, Thanos paused. There was an uncomfortable silence between them until she spoke.

“You’ve been oddly quiet, is everything okay?” she asked, but Thanos didn’t hear her; he was lost in thought.

“Su Bong? Are you—” Her voice snapped him out of his thoughts.

“Yeah, everything is okay,” he replied weakly, and she smiled back at him. He loved seeing that smile; it was the first thing that could clear the gray clouds from his mind.

“Y/N,” he spoke. She looked at him. “Yes?”

“What do you think about the future?” he asked, not exactly looking at her.

“What type of future?” she replied, confused.

“What do you mean, what type of future?” he asked.

“I meant, like, my future or our future?” She made eye contact with him. There was a long pause between them.

“To answer that question, I have plans of my own, if that’s what you’re asking,” she said, looking away. Thanos kept staring at her, about to speak until he heard a buzz from his phone.

He ignored it.

“Your phone,” she mentioned.

“Fuck the phone, it can wait. Answer my question,” he insisted.

She looked at him. “What question? I answered.”

Thanos placed his hand over hers. “You didn’t answer fully. I want to hear the answer.”

She was speechless. “I have no reason to. It was a mistake i mentioned”

Eventually, the phone buzzed again, causing Y/N to pull her hand away from his. He was hurt and took his anger out elsewhere, ruining the moment.

“Goddamn it! This stupid fucking phone won’t shut up!” he yelled, throwing the phone into a nearby lake. He turned to face her. “For fuck’s sake, I don’t get it. Why are you being like this? Am I rushing something?” He looked at her, almost in tears of anger. She was speechless. Was he really hurt by this? Him? Hurt?

“Why are you always trying to distance yourself from me? I’m trying my best to fix this—I’m trying to fix all the damage—but you just—” he continued, “are so complicated.

“I’m the one being complicated? What about you? What gave you the right to even ask me that question?” she shot back.

“I’m trying to fix this freaking relationship while you’re just being so distant from me!” he exclaimed in an angry tone.

“What relationship? What type of relationship do you and I have? If you’re talking about the past one, it was already ruined before it even started!” she yelled, her anger matching his.

In a fit of rage, Thanos walked away, leaving her behind. She was right after all. What was there to argue about? How wrong he was.

“Fine! Leave like you always do, So Bong!” she called out in the background. Her voice felt like an echo in his mind.

Days passed, and there were more articles about him. Surely, this was the end of everything, but he didn’t care; he cared about Y/N. He felt bad for yelling at her like that. He had no right to treat her that way, especially after everything that had happened. In a brief moment of clarity, he left his studio and ran to her apartment. When he arrived, a landlord was watering flowers, not paying attention to him. He kept knocking on the door. “Y/N, please, let’s talk!” he pleaded until the landlord turned around.

“Young man, there’s nobody living there, the owner left few days ago” he said.

“What do you mean, ‘left’? Where did she go??” Thanos asked in a panic.

The old landlord shook his head. He picked up his phone to call her, but all he received was, “I’m sorry, the number you are trying to reach is not available.” He kept calling, receiving the same voicemail message. Frustrated, he threw his phone to the ground and started to yell and cry. He had truly lost her again—this time for good.

365 days later, he still loved her just as much as he did last October. Years passed, and she was still gone. His life became a mess. He found himself underneath a bridge, thinking about everything that had happened—the last time she said his name.

[kometqh]

𝐂𝐨𝐰𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐬 𝐈𝐧 𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐀𝐫𝐦𝐨𝐮𝐫

Captain Rex x f!reader

When Skywalker assigns you and the 501st boys on a mission, he thought nothing could go wrong. After all, you were one of the best Jedi around. In the flurry of a quick, excitable night, you couldn’t have proven him more wrong. Word Count: 3,238 Warnings: Alcohol consumption, pining Rex, sad Rex, affection (🤯) A/N: SURPRISEEE!! I'M ALIVEEEE :D This piece has been sitting in my WIPs for months now, all because I didn't think it was good enough-- Coming back to it after months I’ve realised I love it the way it is for the first chapter ;)

Golden grains of sand brushed past the group in a chorus, whistling under the amber glow of the setting sun. It'd been hours at that point, hours since the squadron had been dispatched on their mission and they were already running low on water rations and energy. Clone troopers were specifically designed to be able to withstand all sorts of environments and situations, yet even they felt exhaustion after a continuous trudge through the dusty, ruby sandstone canyons. That paired with the constant threat of starved creatures ten times the size of their group lurking about, it was surely enough to keep anyone on a fine line between mind-numbing exhaustion and crippling fear.

Looking up, Rex sighed quietly as he listened to the quiet complaints and grumbles of his men. His feet were aching from a full day of travel, and his throat had been parched for what seemed like millenniums after he'd given Jesse the last remains of his water. The constant scorching heat had also been, unsurprisingly, anything but helpful.

Jedi General nowhere to be seen, Rex urged his men to continue their miserable shuffling pace, until she'd return to them. Until she'd relay information, or let them rest, or reassure them. Until then, he had to maintain composure, never let his men down.

It was shortly after the sun had dipped beneath the horizon, when the skies turned into a canvas of magenta and rosy pink splashes that the General returned. Wearing khaki shorts, a sandy top and a beige cloak, she blended in perfectly with the sunset dunes. Her lightsaber had been safely tucked away, attached to her hip so it was easy to reach for.

"There is a small town just a few clicks South, I believe there might be an inn that we can make a rest stop at. Any objections, Captain?" She eyed Rex up and down, brows furrowing at the sight of his sand-worn helmet and sweaty complexion. In one hand, she held a paper map, in the other she held a flask.

"N- No sir." He responded quickly, posture stiffening up under her scrutinising gaze. She wasn't exactly keen on being alone on a mission with his squadron; not after the last one. He looked down to her flask, feeling the arid desert air clawing at his throat with every breath he took.

"Apologies, it took me a while to realise where the town was. I hadn't seen a paper map in years, nevermind used it." She sighed, feigning some sort of annoyance as she reached out to Rex, head turned away, offering him her water. "Now go, tell the squadron we're leaving in a moment."

"Yes, General. They'll be up and running in no time." Slowly, he carefully took the water, shooting one last look to his general before turning in the direction of his squadron, who'd been impatiently tapping their feet and awaiting further instructions.

As he made his way over, a small inkling of hope settled deep in his gut. She still cared for him, for the others, even when she did her best to avoid them. Rex knew he needed to get to the bottom of this, but for now he had more important things to do. Fives and Hardcase seemed to turn into a team of unbearable jesters each time a mission involved too much walking and not enough action.

—————————

The inn was nothing if not dusty and run-down. It survived hundreds, if not thousands of sandstorms, and its' exterior spoke of those memories as if they were ghost stories told by a campfire. The entrance consisted of a pair of faded, walnut saloon doors, which squeaked and groaned with every brief gust of wind that'd swerved past their hinges.

The exterior of the inn was a sand-tarnished, foamy green wood with a large sign that read 'The Smoker' in fancy letters, but the interior contrasted it with deep, velvet ruby walls, candle lighting and a golden-rimmed bar that extended into the parlour in a half rectangle.

Rex had never been to such an establishment, and he even felt a tinge out of place in such an old-fashioned, un-modernised place in his armour and trusty blasters.

An older gentleman was stationed behind the bar, polishing a glass. Black streaks ran through locks of grey, and his moustache was carefully trimmed into two, twinning strands which curled up at the tips. His cheeks were chubby, brimming with rose colour over a small smile. His attention was redirected to the group, as their entrance was proclaimed by the chime of a small, golden bell.

"Welcome to the galaxy's finest ranch inn, the Smoker, how may I be of service to you all?" His voice was deep and husky as an aftermath of too many smoked pipes, croaking against the smooth tune of a saxophone in the background.

"A couple of rooms, as well as whatever these lot want. Put it all on my tab please." The General spoke quietly, leaning against the countertop. The man eyed her up and down, giving a small grunt in response. She turned to the rest of the group, exhaustion tugging at her features. "Don't go too wild, we've still got a mission tomorrow." And with that, she was off, swirling a room key on her finger.

A few mutters floated between the men as they spread out across the bar, ordering drink after drink.

Rex felt his headache worsen as he rubbed at his forehead. For the life of him he could not figure out how to get his General to act normal with them again. Her behaviour had entirely shifted since their last mission together, and he couldn't blame her. His face still felt hot whenever he reminisced, however she'd become distant and cold towards not only him, but also the others. Parts of him regretted that night whenever he was met with her cold shoulder and distant gaze.

"What's on your mind, Captain?" Jesse's voice interrupted his thoughts, placing a hand on Rex's shoulder. Jesse was a smart cookie. His eyes quickly followed Rex's line of sight, humming in understanding. Jesse had also found himself on the receiving end of her new behaviour, no matter how sugary and honey-coated his words were.

"She'll come around, Rex. She needs some time to figure things out, she's our general after all," He paused, gently tugging at his vod's shoulder, "Let's go, you clearly need a few drinks in you Captain." And with that, the two men joined Fives, Hardcase and Echo at a faraway booth, the men nursing some cowboy whiskey and shots.

Rex was in for a long night.

———————

It didn't take long for the boys to stuff Rex with drink after drink, someone always ready with new rounds each time Rex had thought his glass was empty. Fives took a liking to the music, though he had commented on the lack of civvies in the area, or the lack of their beloved general. Him and Tup were the only ones who, in the past few weeks, had managed to carry out some form of conversation with the general. Rex tried everything to make them spill the beans, from bribes to begging, but the two had sealed their lips shut, their loyalty almost astonishing the Captain, but he knew they were good men, loyal men. So, he didn't push anymore.

Somehow, Hardcase had managed to get his hands on a few 'cowboy' hats, as the bar owner explained, and the boys seemed to love them. Rex was the only one who seemed to be listening to the bar owner's stories, his eyes glazing over and a fond smile gracing his lips as he recounted his favourite memories. The one that had caught Rex's attention was peculiar – it was to do with women, or cowgirls, to be exact.

"If a cowgirl takes your hat, or any other woman for that matter, it means she's interested in seeing more of you," The bartender paused, chuckling to himself as he watched Fives and Hardcase engage in an arm wrestle, "And if you let her, you're essentially telling her you're also interested," After that, Rex seemed to forget to listen to the rest of the story, his thoughts flying to you immediately. As he sipped on his iced whiskey, an idea came to mind. He adjusted the hat atop his head, downing the rest of his drink. He stood up abruptly just as Hardcase won the wrestle, cheering and celebrating in his drunken state. He'd definitely had too much to drink, but Rex would entrust Jesse and Kix to look after him when he'd be throwing up.

Now, Rex had a mission.

He received a few curious glances from the troopers around him, but no one questioned it as he walked towards the stairs, a small wobble in his step.

The hallway seemed to be swaying just a tad as he climbed up with a death grip on the golden rail, praying to the force not to fall and make a fool of himself. The stairs seemed to go on and on forever, taking him up higher into dimly lit hallways, and he wondered just how big this inn was. It didn't seem to be much from the outside, but the inside was certainly a maze.

Many doors lined the hallway, and he realised he didn't actually know where his General was staying. His last sober memories were of Kix joining their table, an annoyed expression tugging at his features as Jesse seemed to regret drinking a tad too fast. Shaking his head – which turned out to be a mistake – Rex stumbled down the hallway, groaning as bile rose up to his throat. Kriff, what was he thinking?

Maybe this was a bad idea after all. Maybe you wouldn't even think to entertain his drunken antics and banish him straight to bed.

But Rex had to try.

The absence of your warmth and kindness was searing a hole directly through his chest. It worsened with every mission, with more distance that you added between the two of you, building a bridge littered with thorns and shards, making it impossible for Rex to cross. You were all he thought of each night, your gentle touches, adorable laughter, your sweet smile and song-like voice. He refused to acknowledge it for a long time, but eventually he realised he was completely and utterly enamoured with you. Ever since that night, far before it even, you had stolen his heart. Hidden it away so deep within your grasps. He knew he was a fool, but he couldn't help it.

A sober voice screamed in the back of his mind to go to bed, to leave you be, and a drunken part of him seemed to accept defeat. He looked like a pathetic drunk, dressed up as a cowboy, stumbling around hallways, desperately trying to find you.

Kriff it. He should go and sleep instead of bothering you further. His drunken antics would only drive a further gap between the two of you. If you needed space, space was what Rex would give you.

Huffing, he placed an unsteady hand on the nearest doorknob he could find. Twisting it, he didn't even bother looking into the room as he rose a hand to rub at his head. The hangover would hit him like a brick in the morning, he was sure of it.

As the door opened, he frowned. It was dark.

How long had he and the boys been drinking? The General wasn't going to be impressed with them for sure.

Rex closed the door with a soft 'click', his arms automatically, but lazily, unclasping his armour. It was muscle memory by now; shoulder pads first, then the chest, arms, legs, so on and so forth.

There were small, fuzzy spots dancing in his vision, the room before him swaying side to side, his feet stumbling over one another as he reached the only bed in the room. Exhaustion suddenly weighed in on his shoulders like a stack of bricks, and he felt himself sluggishly fall into the soft, comfortable mattress. He struggled to twist his body to the side, grunting as the duvet beneath him refused to budge. He pulled at it, his bones turning into slurry and his muscles losing all their strength as alcohol continued to circle around his system.

Finally, something seemed to shift.

The blanket slid out from underneath his bare back, and Rex sighed in relief as it draped over him, the cold material comforting and easing his tired muscles.

His eyelids drooped over, sleep reaching out to him in strong waves of drowsiness as Rex sunk further into the bed.

It was probably from the drowsiness he was slowly beginning to feel, but his heart leaped up and into his chest as he realised – the bed shifted.

He wasn't alone.

His senses kicked in and Rex leaped up from the bed, cursing in the meantime as his legs got tangled in the sheets and his body tumbled to the floor like a sack of bricks, eliciting a loud 'thump' that may have been noticeable all the way downstairs.

"Kriff- I'm so sorry," He began apologising, swallowing down the momentary fear and panic that flowed through his veins, "I didn't realise there was someone in here, I-"

Foreign hands travelled to his shoulders, their warmth seeping into his skin as they sought to comfort him, "It's okay Rex, there's no need to panic," A soft, smooth and caressing voice spoke out into the darkness of the room, and Rex's brows pulled together in confusion. That voice, it was familiar. He knew-

"General?"

"Yes, it's me Rex. Let's get you up now, shall we?" You were quick to help your Captain get to his feet, noticing that a large, dark brown hat resided hung from his neck. His skin was burning hot against your palms, and your hand wandered to his forehead as he laid back down. "You're burning..." You paused, scrunching your nose, "You reek of alcohol, Captain. How much did you drink?"

"Not enough apparently." Rex grumbled out as he pulled his newly acquired hat over his face, hiding his scowl from you.

Your brows furrowed at his response, surprise and confusion flooding your veins simultaneously. Was he upset with you? If that was the case, you could understand why. You hadn't been the friendliest or kindest over the last few rotations, and guilt did eat away at you whenever you were the cause of that dejected look in Rex's eyes. But he was nothing if not patient. He gave you your space and didn't try to break your boundaries. Maybe the alcohol stumped the patience that Rex never seemed to run out of.

"Are you upset with me Captain?"

He gave you no response, no hint as to what he was thinking or feeling.

"Rex?"

A deep huff left through his nose.

"Rex, what's-"

Suddenly, he was sat upright, a hand swiping the cowboy hat back onto the crown of his head. His gaze was piercing, even in his drunken stupor, as his nose remained just inches from your face, "You really do make things difficult, don't you, mesh'la." His voice was a murmur as his hazy honey eyes stared deeply into yours.

Before any words could leave your parted lips, he cupped the side of your face, a coarse thumb tenderly caressing your skin.

"Please don't make this difficult, General." Begging words barely above a whisper, your Captain slowly, carefully, leaned in. His eyes held the utmost adoration as his lips stopped just a kiss away, his presence overwhelming and freezing up every muscle and nerve in you all at once. The smell of whiskey was strong, but that familiar scent of seawater and pine lingered, stopping your breath short as your eyes fluttered close.

His movements were slow, calculating and considerate as Rex hesitantly teased the gap between your bodies.

Blood pulsated loudly in your ears, the hairs on your body tense as goosebumps flushed your skin in waves, the intensity of his proximity to you silencing any stray thoughts you had. In that moment, it was just the two of you. It was just the sound of his shaky breaths mixing together with your own, the slight tremble in his hand as his grip tightened and then eased, as if he was uncertain of what to do, the smell of whiskey and the taste something sweet familiar, something that had you wanting to reach out for more and never let go. And there was also the sight of him. Those golden irises, those thick lashes fluttering over his eyes. The pinkish hue that dusted over his cheeks, the heat emanating from his body as he struggled against every instinct within him that screamed at him to just kiss you, to just hold you and to just love you.

He made his choice.

His fingers dwindled downwards, tracing slopes down your nape as he eased an inch to the left.

Soft lips pressed against the corner of your mouth, pouring all his thoughts and feeling into that one, simple kiss, his nose gently scraping against yours as he took in a slow, steadying breath.

"I'm sorry, mesh'la," He muttered sweetly, voice broken and barely breaking above the confines of a whisper as he stilled against you.

Taking a sharp inhale, the imaginary shackles dropped from your body.

You pulled away slowly, your hands enveloping Rex's as you pressed it against your chest.

"It's okay Captain," You shifted away from the bed, feeling as his fingers entangled with yours and tugged, quietly pleading for you to stay.

Looking up at you, Rex knew deep down that you couldn't do what he wanted. He knew he shouldn't even try, and yet his body seemed to act on its own will whilst he remined watching from behind a glass prison. His chest tightened as he noticed the way your eyes seemed to droop, your lips drawing into a fine line so as to not betray your thoughts and feelings. Time stopped as the two of you remained frozen, yet again, gazing at one another, savouring the last moments before your fingers trickled from his grasp, falling in tow with your other hand as you reached for the duvet.

"Sleep, Captain, we've got a long day ahead of us," You whispered out, pulling the covers over his chest as Rex gave a small nod, resting against the soft pillows beneath him. Your movements came to a halt as you took notice of his hat, yet again, and an idea sparked in your mind.

Your fingers reached nimbly for the material, gently pulling it away from your captain.

With heavy fingers, he reached out for it, his eyes already struggling against the weight of his drowsiness.

"What are you..?"

Lifting a finger to your lips, you let a small smile tug at the corners of your lips as you placed the hat atop your head.

"Goodnight, Rex," And with that, you were out before he could even blink.

Rex remained frozen in his seated position, his mind struggling to balance the feeling of drowsiness and shock at your actions. The alcohol flowing through his blood wasn't any help either, and he soon found his head hitting the pillows as his muscles seemingly turned into jelly.

A small smile blossomed on his face, even as the events of the night slowly blurred and faded under the whiskey and the rush of his feelings..

[whats-a-username]

CSM 200

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Okay i am back to yapping

i am also really tired so sorry if the formatting/grammar is a little off or if i miss something.

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Denji’s outfit looks like the one he wore in the aquarium date arc, so there’s meant to be a pararell with his date with Asa and now his with Yoru’s (if you can even call it that).

-

Asa is starting to become like Denji, or more like a devil, she has gone from one extreme to another. Either she’s constantly thinking about how bad things are or she’s choosing to ignore it in favor of ’having fun’. Like Denji she’s given up, now all she can do is indulge as that’s all she has left.

Also, it does feel like Denji isn’t ’seeing’ her, Asa can speak as much as she wants to him but it isn’t clicking for him. In the last chapter we saw them Asa was literally crying and saying that she was stupid to think she’d be able to befriend a devil and all Denji can say is; ”I think you could be friends.” Ignoring what Asa just said, he was possibly going off of his own experiences with devils (Power/Pochita).

Even when Asa says to him that he was right in what he said to her, he doesn’t seem to remember despite the fact he must’ve said it a few minutes beforehand. He is indulging and ignoring the problem, ignorance is bliss to him.

Asa also looks so tired this chapter which is probably why she’s given up, she’s just tired and thus has no energy to keep on going. We know she is suicidal and she also might let Yoru take over more. She has no voice, no control and is alone. Maybe this is Asa’s mind breaking? Or on the verge to.

-

She even considers herself toxic, I feel like this is her rationalizing her emotions again. When something bad happen Asa looks for an explanation, something to make her understand. This also ledas to her making up excused to hide how she really feels, think back to when Nayuta alteres her memories to make her think Denji stood her up. Maybe this is her doing it again, trying to explain everything to herself?

-

Yoru also took over again. As much as I complain that Asa isn’t getting enough time I do think this is intentional, Asa is slowly giving up and is letting Yoru take over more.

The pose reminds me of something out of a romance movie, but it’s literally the furthest thing from that. It ties into the chapter’s title which is ”Toxic Couple”. Which does resemble Denji and Yoru’s relationship, toxic, destructive and abusive. All while ignoring Asa who’s stuck as a spectator. It also feels like Yoru has given up on her original plan, she wants to indulge in the chaos with him as she has made him be like her in a way.

To add on, the panel has it framed as something fun and romantic. They’re laughing with Yoru’s arms around Denji’s chest. They’re biking through the city but if you look down at the basket you’ll see a head from someone they killed. They’re treating it as exercise that you do after eating.

-

And Fakesaw man is here!

After cutting off Fakesaw man’s arm he asks Denji if he knows what he has Done, will Death summon something? She did ask Fakesaw and Fami to lounge the world into a state of terror to prevent her from reaching her true power. Does she want to summon Pochita again? Most likely not. But it is clear Denji plays a part in her plan. Will Fami show up again?

anyway im back to my weekly yapping‼️‼️

[dairytolerantfa]

Sooo—I hopped on 9-1-1 kinda late. Like real late. But I binged the whole thing in a record time , and now I have a lot of thoughts and no one to yapp to . Mostly about Buck and Eddie because, yeah… (and what do you mean people are giving up on that so soon??)

First of all, I genuinely think they’re perfect for each other. There's something so nostalgic about them .the slow burn, friends-to-lovers, unspoken pining energy. They accidentally co-parent a child, finish each other’s sentences... am SAT

They seriously pulled me right back into my fangirl era—I’m obsessed. The humor around them is chef’s kiss, and honestly, these two dorks have become some of my all-time favorite characters.

I get what Oliver said about not wanting to fall into the whole “bi guy comes out and falls for his best friend” storyline. And honestly? I agree with him. As a bi person myself, I really want Buck to have a journey that feels unique—something that doesn’t follow the same narrative beats we’ve seen over and over. I want more weirdness, more complexity, more Buck-ness in his bi arc. Let him be chaotic and complicated and figure himself out in his own way.

But then again—if we’re talking representation? Eddie coming out would be huge. His story would speak to so many people. A Latino man, a father, someone with religious trauma who’s been shoving down every part of himself just to keep it all together? That storyline would be relatable to so many people in so many ways . And it would be different from Buck’s journey too. They could both explore queerness in completely different, powerful ways. And if that ends in them choosing each other?

am very delusional..wtvr

Now… Tommy(am afraid of his Stans pls don't shoot me 🤍).

I know people say he wasn’t a replacement for Eddie that evan liked him (maybe?), but tbh? I really think he was.yes evan is bubbly and honest, so “If he loved Eddie, he would’ve told him.” instead of turning to tommy who's also a guy?! But that’s oversimplifying it. Eddie is his best friend. He’s also the “straight guy” with a kid who’s never given Buck a clear signal. Buck has been navigating that dynamic with caution for years. He built this whole internal image of who Eddie is—what he can and can’t say to him.

If it really was love at first sight? Yeah, I think Buck would’ve said something. But I don’t believe it was (yes I saw the what a man intro.yes it's my ringtone .but no)I think he only really fell for Eddie when things were already complicated, and the pressure was piling up.

Tommy broke his heart, but he was honest. He saw that Buck was still tied to something else—someone else—and he didn’t pretend. I don’t think he deserves all the hate.??? If he’d stayed, it would’ve been fake. He knew it. Buck probably did too.and Am more than glad he's gone

And now? Buck can’t say anything to Eddie, not really. Because they’ve reached this place where everything between them is so much, but nothing is spoken. And Buck? Buck is scared. Scared to ruin it. Scared of being wrong.

(the couch theory! Are we as a fandom over thinkers and delusional? Yes . Tbh I think it's funny but not YET related to buddie. Now I guess the writers are aware enough of it soooo if they ever make buddie canon i think they could use that as a vision)

Anyway.

I hope chim survives this episode am having a mental breakdown aaaaaaaa we can't lose him 😭😭

[ilovedthestars]

New ficlet! My take on the missing scene where Amena makes Murderbot's hair fluffy :') (i made it sad by accident)

[look-at-the-stars-tonight]

the amount of effort that goes into figuring out what to cook and eat every day is RIDICULOUS. i used to think people were so weird and boring for eating the same thing every single day but it truly does make life so much easier

[justajsworkshop]

realizing how i've bought into the false idols that (a) failure is possible and (b) things have to be difficult before they get easier. i expect resistance, so i can overcome it and feel triumphant because i perceived overcoming a degree of difficulty as necessary for satisfaction. but i'm now seeing how this is a self-made middle man that i don't actually need??

failure is only possible because i gave it authority to be possible. delay is only possible because i gave it authority to be possible. difficulty, challenge, struggle, etc. are only possible because i gave them authority to be possible, and now i can revoke that authority because i dont need/want these experiences for myself anymore.

wow. i am so mighty!

[brainrot-stitch]

Oh great heavens

[thedreadvampy]

Ok so like my partner and their partner are moving today, right?

and my partner had top surgery like 2 months ago and their partner has injured their shoulder so I'm like ok I love to move boxes I am super happy to come help if that's useful? and they're like yes yes oh my god please cause we don't know if we've got the manpower to move anything.

so I go on Friday afternoon I am knocking off work early to help them move. I block out my calendar. I work longer days Monday-Wednesday to balance it out. I also have to leave work earlier than usual Tuesday and Thursday so it's a bit like ok I can squeeze this in if I use up all my TOIL from the last few weeks.

I have also turned down two different requests to hang out this evening bc I was like ok no I have plans that evening cause I'm helping people move

They started moving at lunchtime because that's when the friend with a van was available. Ok. I knock off work at 3 instead of 5 and I message to say ok you've been at this a while, do you still need me? My partner messages back and says yes, we've just got here we've not even started unpacking yet and there's more stuff left at the flat, come on down.

It's a 25 minute walk and when I get there the things remaining in the van and the car are:

a kettlebell

a single box

a small bag

so I take those up. then I stand awkwardly around in the living room while their very loud friend talks very loudly and nonstop until everyone is overwhelmed. there's a sofa that needs to come out of the flat because it's full of dog hair and my partner's partner is super allergic to dogs, so me and the loud friend carry that downstairs. my partner keeps trying to direct it even though that makes it WAY FUCKING HARDER. we agree with the van friend that he'll hang onto it for now and load it into the van.

then I go back up to the flat and stand around for 20 minutes

eventually I'm like ok is there anything. I could be doing here?

and they look at each other and they're like no. nah. we're done for today. We'll sort through our stuff and set up and you guys come back in a couple of hours and we'll go for beers

and ok like this is not anyone's fault but I'm so upset.

Like I have been functionally superfluous here. I moved two things that other people were already about to pick up, and I moved a sofa that would have got moved anyway (although Jay would have tried to move it. but frankly it doesn't seem like they've tried very hard to Not Move Furniture before that so who gives a shit?). and for that I have basically used up my whole Friday afternoon/evening and lost 2 work hours for what?

"come back in a couple of hours and we'll go for beers" I didn't sign up for beers! I booked out this evening because I wanted to do physical labour and move heavy things!!! I wanted to be helpful!!!! If I wanted to have a beer and socialise I would have taken up the several other offers of socialising this evening!!!! But I don't want to now because I'm so upscuttled and upset that I can't even be around people, I am sitting on the back step in my garden right now because there is a risk of encountering 1-2 people in my flat!!!!!

and I asked before I left work if I was needed for this exact reason! because I didn't want to show up hang around and leave!!!!!

and "oh so your Friday evening's free now"? It's NOT FREE I'm AUTISTIC it's DENUDED. I'm not doing the thing I was meant to be doing but my brain still thinks I'm meant to be doing it so I don't have the capacity to do anything else!!!!! I'm just HERE.

[neverendingford]

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[ontologic-catgirl]

ya know, honestly kind of impressed I gave the family I'm using they them pronouns a bit over 2 years ago and I'm still receiving the it'll take time line's and such.

[tittysuckersworld]

vent tw, if you have depression please please just dont interact-