#it's genuinely a gaslight to think about it too long like i will feel like my reality is splintering

[soundwave-starlight]

someone on here pointed out how Mel only calls Ken "Dad" in public and how she probably thinks of him being her father as a fabrication to disguise herself. I just wanted to add to that how much she clearly cares for and wants him to actually be her father.

I mean he is, but if the pilot told us anything about Ken and Mel it's that they are horrible at communicating with each other. Both Ken and Mel care so much about each other, but they can't show it to each other. Ken probably thinks he's showing it, but he fronts more concern about her being discovered as human rather than concern for HER. And his concern about her wellbeing translates as him trying to distance her from his dangerous life of crime, which while distancing her from danger, also separates her from the only family she knows. "You're not one of us! and you never will be. :)" Well meaning but crushing to receive.

Then there's Mel, who sees the separation Ken has created, and comes to the conclusion that the father daughter relationship between them is a front. But she wants to truly be apart of this family and thinks she can't without being apart of the crime. Granted I'm sure she also loves the crime, but the reason behind her insistence to join the smiling dead is from a desire to belong with her family and to truly be apart of it. Mel never gets to see the side of Ken that is full of love and genuine concern over her safety. "You're uh... proud of me, right?" she lets the mask slip for a moment there, then realizes it's too desperate and backpaddles into "with everything going according to plan and all?" she feels she has to hide her desire for his affection behind the quality of her work.

Then there's the end where Ken is giving his speech to the rest of the gaslight district, and by the gods wrath I was yelling at the screen. Because Ken doesn't mean anything he's saying, he's putting on an act. But Mel doesn't know that, doesn't help that he looks DIRECTLY AT HER when talking about the human. Like c'mon Ken you've got to give her a little bit of comfort right now you are talking about a human the prophesized human ie HER.

Ken really is trying though, and that's why I love him so much. He really needs to talk to his daughter, and she needs to talk to him. I am predicting a climactic crashout from Mel at Ken where she finally questions why Ken is keeping her around. I would imagine that is something Mel questions a lot, one thing in the intro sequence is "where do I come from" and while she has the literal answer of 'from an angel egg' she probably has no clue why Ken adopted her and why he is so adamant about keeping her secret. Then Ken can come clean about his motivations and his care for her.

This post was not supposed to be this long, I just adore their relationship. I might need to write fanfic about it.

[naivety]

my sense of urgency for this election was all used up watching a genocide play out live on instagram while my mom continued to talk about which politician might make the housing market better and i tried not to genuinely lose my mind over the dissonance. in all honesty short of bombs dropping on americans' houses my adrenal glands are beyond checked out. i'll show up to the polls and do my part and try to plug into the bare bones direct action i can find in the middle of nowhere deep red county state but god. there are so many posts circulating trying to fear monger me into voting for one genocidal president of this genocidal nation over another and i may as well live on a different planet. i can fathom the urgency but i could not make myself feel it short of being held at gunpoint. which may even be on the ballot but that's how americans have been voting for decades now and each of them regardless of party has worried about the idea of being held at gunpoint while a right of theirs is taken away while there are people who are already being held at gunpoint and their rights have already been taken away by the very people being beamed into my eyeballs as the escape from this hypothetical violence that's already non-hypothetically happened to millions who aren't US liberals because of the america they're trying to save from trump the same america regardless of democrats or republicans or whigs or federalists and does anyone else feel like they're going crazy

[glamourscat]

Can I please request things batboys + Bruce does when they have fallen in love with someone? Things they do for their crush, hinting their feelings etc.?

୨ৎ Batboys + Bruce and what are they like when they have fallen in love ୨ৎ

A/N: when i think about them and having a crush, i always imagine them having a crush on someone they work with or are very close friend with.

──── ୨୧ ─────

DICK 

The worst out of the bunch in hiding his feelings

When he realises he is probably the most chill out of batboys

If his crush is also a vigilante he might pull some strings to patrol with them

His love is loud. There’s no other way of putting it. Thing is, Dick is just so loveable with everyone, most of the time at least. 

He is never shy to let others know how much he cares for them. So, at first you might think he is just being his usual self, just a bit more energetic

Then you pick up on the small things

Like his touch lasting just a bit longer than usual. Him being more protective. Him being around you more. Laughing at your jokes even when they are terrible

How would he hint his feelings? Easy. Terrible cheesy pickup lines, EYE CONTACT, like intense. More touchy than usual, hugs, ruffling hair, nudges… 

──── ୨୧ ─────

JASON

If Dick is the worst at keeping his feelings a secret, jason is the best

Truly you won’t know a thing unless you’re extremely good at reading body language

I imagine him, realising he has a crush, and gaslighting himself into believing he doesn’t

Then something happens, maybe someone flirts with you or simply you seek him out specifically for something you could have gone to anyone else, but you choose him, and he realises he is gone.

At first he might even distance himself and you’re like “what have i done?” because genuinely it’s like a switch happened

But when he comes to terms with his feelings I think his love would be more noticeable on the outside than inside. What I mean is that others would be more prone to pick up on his crush than you. 

He would sit besides you on the couch, thighs touching and everyone is like.. Jason? Allowing you in his personal space? Interesting

Would pay attention to the little things. You said you are cold? Here, his jacket is strangely flying on your shoulders

Gifts you books that remind him of you, annotated with specific passages. 

He doesn’t give hints, hell, in a way he hopes that you won’t notice how much of a sick idiot in love he has become. But in the hopes you do, well, he is cooked isnt he? ( a oneshot coming out soon) 

──── ୨୧ ─────

TIM

The worst. A mix between jason and dick.

If tim likes you, then you’re his best friend, there’s no other way around it lol. 

He would already be clingy, but when he realises he has a crush there’s two things going in his head:

1) panics. He starts running around his room over analyzing every little detail and trying to understand how, when and why he fall for you

2) goes down a rabbit hole. He will overthink everything he has done recently. Was he too clingy? Did you suspect something? Do you feel the same? 

After absolutely losing it, same tim, he will assess the situation. He is good at reading body language. He knows how to listen and he knows how to talk. He is observant and rest assured he will put his vigilante skills to action. 

He wouldn’t necessarily ask you out if he comes to the conclusion you like him back, i think it will happen randomly. Maybe one night you’re over at his, it’s 3am, he doesn’t have patrol tomorrow and you two are watching a show together. The main characters are having some sort of love emotional shambles, maybe there’s a kiss involved. He looks at you, you look at him. There’s a moment of silence unsure if you two should confess your feelings or laugh. At the end, somehow, his lips are on yours– the show long forgotten– as his cold hands cup your cheeks to deepen the kiss.

──── ୨୧ ─────

BRUCE

intense eye contact

he listens and listens almost as if the sole act of listening to your voice is soothing for him

Gifts. Like this man would just randomly increase his gifts. It wouldn’t be at once, but gradually you started to notice that one rose became 5 and then 10. Chocolates turned into gems.

Would ask you to accompany him at events, which is when you know, he is at least seriously interested. Because events and galas, as much as he is not a fan of them, are important to his image. 

Little subtle touches 

He doesn’t really express things by words if he can avoid it, so you need to be good at picking the subtle signs 

Gifts aside, they are nice and surely it’s one of his love languages, but when he makes the effort to get to know the true you and what your interests and hobbies are, safe to say he expects the same interest back. To know that you are at least interested in getting to know him not as batman, not as Wayne but as Bruce, and simply as Bruce will put you 5 steps ahead already. 

© GLAMOURSCAT (all rights reserved. do not share, modify, translate and re-upload my work outside of tumblr)

[comatosebunny09]

— cw: adult content, cheating, shitty fiancé, self-indulgent madness, mdni — notes: i can’t sleep, and @alfredosaws got the gears turning in my head. sorry if this isn’t your jam. i was horny and needed to torture myself. — now playing: see through - amelia moore

Imagine Sylus as your real estate agent, showing you and your fiancé around a potential home.

Your fiancé doesn’t seem too interested, busy typing away on his phone or occasionally stepping out to answer phone calls. You titter nervously, explaining to Sylus with a wry smile that your fiancé is a very busy man.

Still, Sylus continues showing you the rest of the house, pointing out parts that would appeal primarily to you.

“You see here? The master bedroom contains an en-suite bathroom with enough counter space to house all your skincare products. ”

“The bathtub has jets. Perfect for when you want to unwind after a long day on your feet. You look like you shoulder the world. You deserve to take a load off with a warm, soothing bath.”

“The sunroom would be great for your plants. You look like you have quite a green thumb. You strike me as a cultivator. A nurturer. Someone who should learn to sit down from time to time.”

“The counter space in the kitchen is immaculate. Perfect for when the love of your life wants to cook breakfast or have you for dessert.”

He’s so very flattering and handsome, and you find yourself falling prey to his charms. You rein yourself in when your fiancé returns, still as detached about the house as ever. You ask him for his opinion, to which he shrugs you off and remarks that he’s happy if you’re happy. Conveniently, his phone rings again, and he walks outside to take the call.

Sylus gives you a pitying look as if he knows there’s trouble in paradise. You smile awkwardly to dispel his worries.

Sure, your fiancé isn’t always present in your relationship. And maybe you agreed to his proposal out of fear, thinking you would lose out on your white picket fence if you refused him. But, who are you kidding? You haven’t felt like yourself in years. Haven’t genuinely smiled in a very long time, and your fiancé hasn’t helped improve your self-esteem, nitpicking when you’re a little bloated or leave the house without makeup.

You’ve recently caught him entertaining other women on his socials, and he would quickly gaslight you, exclaiming that you were looking for reasons to be upset. Deep down, you know he isn’t good for you, and you deserve better, but a sick part of you believes he is your punishment for some crimes you might’ve committed in a past life.

Sylus has read you like a book, and you’ve only worked with him for two months. You feel more comfortable in his presence than the man you’re about to marry, having known him much longer.

“Come with me, sweetheart,” says Sylus, his voice a sweet, sticky dolce as he takes your hand into his larger one.

He guides you up the spiraling staircase towards the main bedroom and lures you into the massive walk-in closet. And when you’re swathed in the darkness after he shuts the door behind you, he backs you up against a wall, your breaths intermingling whilst his mouth hovers over yours.

“You poor thing,” he whispers next to your ear, the hairs scattered across your body standing on end, pleasant tingles ricocheting through your extremities. He takes your hand in his, pressing it against the cool, textured wall overhead, tenderly twining your fingers together. “That Narcissist doesn’t deserve you, now does he?” His lips graze yours, the sensation making your legs tremble like a fawn.

“I can see it in your eyes.” A weighted palm smooths over your side, a devastatingly powerful knee sliding between the fat of your thighs, pilfering the breath from your lungs. He touches you with a reverence you’ve never known. “You don’t love him, do you? Not when I can touch you like this.”

He takes possession of your jaw, breathing hot and open-mouthed against your lips, nuzzling your noses together. And you’re dizzy, the closet suddenly feeling so cramped, and the warmth of his body permeating through the layers of your clothes. “You’re so beautiful. You deserve so much more. I can give you so much more. May I kiss you, sweetling?”

Despite the voice screaming somewhere far off in your mind that this is very much wrong, you find yourself nodding sluggishly in the darkness as if he can see you slowly turning to putty in his palms. He chuckles, the vibrations of it making your tummy flutter like you’re cresting down a hill.

Wordlessly, he pans in, startling you with a gentle kiss at first. Something deft and ghostly, so soft you wouldn’t believe it happened. When you make a gentle keen of protest after he pulls way, he takes that as his cue to kiss you again, this time more firm and full-bodied, the rigid pane of his body slowly anchoring you to the wall. 

Your unoccupied hand slides over his spine, concluding its excursion at the small of his back, and he’s strong here. Sturdy as if he could lift you one-handed if he so pleases. The idea makes you whimper, and he swallows the pretty little noises he invokes, his sweltering tongue pushing into your mouth to map out every ridge and crevice. 

He slips a warm, weighted palm into the crook of your knee, drawing your thigh up to rest on his hip. And, with this new angle, he presses fully against you, the stitching of his slacks scraping pleasantly over the inner cut of your thigh. He releases your hand once moored to the wall to hoist you into his arms, one of your heels clattering to the floor. Ten shaky fingers bury themselves in his hair, sifting through tufts of soft white to draw him ever closer to deepen your lip-lock. 

Despite the spacious closet, it’s growing uncomfortably warm. Too many clothes are in the way, so you tug his shirt from his slacks. Your fingers blindly scramble over his shirt buttons, eager to feel the smooth, supple glide of his skin beneath them. He chuckles something throaty and enrapturing, kissing you velvet-soft as his desire awakens to press against your thigh.

“So eager, aren’t you?” he husks, breaking away from your lips with a sticky click to blister your jaw and carotid with languorous kisses. “Has he ever touched you like this? Kissed you like this?” 

You crane your head back, your skull lightly thudding against the wall behind you. Your lashes shutter. The feeling of his mouth dragging over your skin and his weighted body nestled between your thighs is too much and yet not enough. You cling to his back, your grip white-knuckled, mouth parted slightly with wanton pleas for more more more.

But before he can grant your request, your fiancé’s voice beckons to you through the empty, sturdy walls of the house. The spell that befell you disperses, reality careening in. You push against Sylus’ lean chest with the heel of your palm, panting and gasping, squirming to be let down. Sylus reluctantly heeds you, gently setting you onto your feet. 

He helps you slide back into your discarded heel, kissing your ankle on his way back up, and you try to ignore how your body burns like an inferno at the attention. It takes all of you not to snatch him towards you once more, to kiss him and demand he take you, right then and there, with your fiancé calling for you downstairs. But, as much as it pains you, you feel remorse for how far you already let things go. 

Fixing your clothes and hair to some semblance of neatness in the darkness, the pair of you exit the closet. You don a rehearsed smile, answering your fiancé that you’ll be right down. Searing, slender fingers encircle your wrist before you can descend the stairs. You acknowledge Sylus with a look over your shoulder. He fixes you with a feverish stare that burns like a flame, revealing a deep desire for you. And the realization shoots straight to your center as his mouth draws into an unflinching line. 

Something in your chest pinches and pulls. And for a moment, you consider what your life would be like if you’d given yourself more credit and granted yourself a little more grace. But you brush away your thoughts, fixing Sylus with an unconvincing smile before pulling away from him to descend the stairs into the arms of your loving, soon-to-be husband.  

[cheol-e-kat]

• no blueberries, feat. mingyu, pt. 1 •

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁

pairing: kim mingyu x f!reader

mentioned: seungcheol, joshua, vernon, christian yu (dpr ian in part ii)

word count: 4.1K

genre: fake dating, college au, college student!mingyu, college student!reader, fluff, f2l, idiots, idiots in love, angst, pining, denial of feelings, etsablished friendship (reader & ian)

summary: mingyu was just your lab partner and study buddy for several semesters, but lately things seem to have changed, and maybe everyone else has noticed, but for the most part, neither of you even think about what you are to one another until mingyu asks you to be his 'fake' date for a long weekend trip so he can avoid an ex, the biggest problem is realizing that there's nothing fake about your relationship but when mingyu won't even talk about what you are to each other, you start to think things might be over before they even really start

warnings: explicit language, mentions of anxiety, sexually suggestive situations, drinking, established open relationship

a/n: they are literally idiots in love but they're so dumb they almost don't deserve a happy ending - i am screaming at them ;-; ooof writing part ii...and well, i need to update this with additional characters...oops (if you don't know - i am not a planning writing - i just go where the characters take me - they get their shit together - trust the process) besides it's named for a dpr ian song anyway, might as well include him for his dilf status and the accent

xx kat

[part ii] [part iii]

♡ if you would like to be tagged in my upcoming posts, go [here]

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁

“please, y/n,” he was definitely begging now. 

she rolled her eyes, “dude, she’s your ex - you’re over her, just go and be normal, okay?” she was a bit annoyed at this point because he was over her, wasn't he, she wondered.

he whined softly, “seriously, just come with me, pretend you’re into me for like four days - i can’t deal with her, you know, alone,” she watched him stare at his textbook, looking fully embarrassed. 

she blinked quickly wondering how she was the friend being enlisted for this - to her they were mainly lab partners and study buddies. she had no clue how he had decided they were close enough to even bring this idea up. but she did feel bad. even as lab partners, she knew his ex was genuinely horrible, as in her entire personality was “gaslight, gate keep, girl boss” - as though those were positive things no less. 

she sighed, “i thought it was kind of a couples thing? since almost everyone is part of a couple,” she trailed off. 

he nodded, “yeah, it is, but she’s going alone - she told someone her whole goal is to fuck me one more time,” he mumbled the last part, blushing hard, “apparently, she ‘misses’ that,” he rolled his eyes, looking miserable. 

even she was shocked to hear that. it was certainly a new low. 

“that’s - that’s really shitty,” she sighed, not knowing what else to say. 

she watched him nod, still staring at his textbook, thumbing the edges of the page. she bit her lip gently, “can i think about it for a bit?”

he nodded, glancing up at her. she couldn’t help but notice how glossy his eyes looked - she worried he was on the verge of crying. she wasn’t equipped to deal with a crying mingyu. happy? sure. drunk? yes. whiny and ridiculous? no problem. 

but to see him on the verge of tearing up because he was worried or stressed or whatever, that was beyond her friendship scope. but to be fair, fake dating probably was too. even if she knew some people did mistake them for a couple. that really wasn’t the point.

the point was the longer they sat there fake studying, she knew what she was going to do. she couldn’t sit back while he went off to a terrible trip to the lake where he might be the target of his ex’s sexcapades. she knew he hadn’t dated since her, which would just be a point againts him - she could easily imagine, ‘oh baby, you haven’t even tried since me?’ - gross, she thought. besides, if he were gone for the break, she wasn’t really sure what she would do anyway. 

the standard was for them to study friday afternoon, and then they would usually met up at a party or something and would duck out for food when either of them got bored and go back to y/n's to watch tv and pass out. saturday was fairly similar, but sunday was more like study, and then they kind of always ordered food and watched tv or something. sometimes he slept on the couch - something her roommate would roll her eyes at whenever possible, espeically since ‘sometimes’ seemed to translate to almost every sunday. 

she had finally told him to just bring clothes so he would't be late for monday morning practices anymore. her roommate had wondered loudly why mingyu didn't just move into y/n's room and get a tiny corner of the closet already. she had ignored that unnecessary commentary. 

she groaned inwardly, “okay, fine - i’ll go with you, but you owe me,” you whispered. 

he glanced up, “really?”

she ignored that he sounded a little too happy and nodded, “yes, if it means you can avoid her insanity for the long weekend,” she tried to feel confident about the decision. 

luckily, she knew there was nothing between them. they’re only lab partners and maybe friends, at best, she tried to assure herself and ignore every other thought she had. 

⋆˙⟡

she truly hated packing for anything, and this trip was no exception. the only slight difference was mingyu hanging out on her bed while she packed this time. she wasn’t sure if he was nervous or what, but he kept shifting around on her bed - it reminded her of a puppy rolling around in the hope that someone would rub its stomach. she tried not to laugh at the mental image of him rolling around in search of belly rubs. instead, she tried to focus on what to pack. 

it was still warm enough to go swimming, despite the fact that it was ‘fall’ break, so she tried to decide on swimsuits. ultimately, she just packed them all - they were basically underwear anyway, she reasoned. 

“are we sharing a room?”

“yeah, you know, since we’re together and ‘finally admitting it’ - is that really what jeonghan said?” he asked. he had been annoyed about that response for at least two hours. 

“i literally showed you his text,” she mumbled as she hunted for friends-who-are-fake-dating appropriate sleepwear, aka her most oversized tshirts, sleep shorts that were as un-sexy as possible, and a few sweatshirts in case it was cold.

he sighed, “okay, but that’s such a flippant answer,” he complained. 

she snorted, “‘flippant’?”

“yes!”

she grinned, wondering when he started using words like ‘flippant’ in normal conversations. mingyu was one of those guys who she hadn’t taken seriously when she first met him - he was fun at parties, but when he wanted to study together, she had been seriously skeptical. but then she saw their first exam grades post and realized how well he had ranked. she had wondered if it was just his personality or if he actively worked to hide the fact that he was that smart. 

it hadn’t really mattered though since they had been studying together since then. something she distinctly remembered being an issue for his ex - katie had genuinely hated y/n and wasn’t quiet about it. it was maybe the only time she had seen mingyu fully lose his mind over something - she had never heard the words ‘get fucked’ said quiet so intensely, especially since that they were sitting in the library at the time. 

she sighed, “don’t you think it might be a little obvious for us to show up together?”

“not really - she always said we had some weird thing, so why not let her be right,” his voice was concerningly normal. 

she had been thinking about the fact that it was kind of a petty move. actually, there were loads of reasons she could think of for not going, including almost every scenario from a horror movie - she was not discounting serial killers in masks waiting in the woods. but her main concern was being confronted by katie - it just felt like a needlessly stressful way to spend her fall break.

“okay, but i mean, you couldn’t think of anyone else?"

he sighed, “like who? i hang out with you, i go out with you - you make sense,” his voice was soft, but he still sounded just a little disappointed that she was asking him…again. 

she rolled her eyes, “we could just hang out like normal and avoid this.”

she glanced at him, watching him mull over what she had said and not for the first time either. to be fair, her anxiety was only growing. she left him to go pretend to be discerning about how much of her skincare she was packing, even though she was blindly grabbing everything from her counter. when she walked back into her room, he was sitting up.

“even if she’s there, the trip is just to have fun and not be on campus - you know, a break at joshua’s nice lake house,” he didn’t look at her as he explained. 

she stared for a moment and turned back to her already exploding suitcase, “you only asked me because of her,” she felt like it was very obvious why she was going, but she heard him mumble something, which she ignored. instead, she violently jammed her clothes and toiletries into her bag. 

she absolutely hated that knowing katie would be there made her feel a tiny bit competitive - she had purposefully picked all of her smallest swimsuits - she had even gone to get waxed for this, something she definitely would never admit to anyone. she had even dragged out her status luggage bag - the one her step-mom had given her two christmases ago that made her cringe. there was also the little, tiny mean voice in the back of her mind that had always thought katie had never been good enough for mingyu anyway - she wasn’t especially cute, and her voice drove y/n up the walls - not to mention she was kind of dumb and objectively sucked at beer pong. y/n would also never admit that she used to play them on purpose just to beat them because she was good at beer pong. 

she jumped when mingyu touched her arm, “fuck, what?” 

she hadn’t even noticed that he was lying on his side, watching her jam everything into her bag.

“you don’t have to go,” he whispered. 

she swooped all of her hair off her shoulders in annoyance, mostly because there was something about the way he whispered, with this weird tenderness, that made her feel way too quivery. it wasn’t fair because she knew she never affected him like that. she just shook her head. she was totally fine with everything. plus, she didn’t believe him for a moment that she could just stay. she knew in her gut that she had moved something in their friendship past a boundary that she hadn’t even noticed, and now, she couldn’t just take it back without suffering the consequences. 

⋆˙⟡

she was glad she was driving. she could at least focus on the road, plus they were the ones tasked with stopping at the liquor store, so she only had to deal with mingyu and seungcheol - she only wondered briefly why no one cared that seungcheol was solo for the long weekend. actually, it only annoyed her slightly that mingyu had left that fact out - she knew he could have spent the entire break with seungcheol, no problem, which only made her wonder why he really asked her. worse was her wondering why it seemed to matter that mingyu sounded disappointed at the idea of her not going, accepting but unhappy - not like he had been when she said ‘yes’. 

she walked through the store, mainly looking for the things she wanted. her ideal party weekend was starting her day off with something bubbly and moving on to liquor by lunch. she wasn’t really paying attention to the cases of beer, tequila, and vodka mingyu and seungcheol were collecting. instead, she was in line to pay for her stuff and some edible gummy candies she noticed last minute - she grabbed several of those. she could’ve kicked herself for not asking her roommate’s girlfriend for some weed before she left. she waited next to her car for them to come out, answering a few texts. she ignored the ones from mingyu. she couldn’t help that she was from a family of people who completely avoided their emotions, plus she could see the message preview - it wasn’t anything life-changing. 

when they came out, she wasn’t super shocked by the very full cart or the fact that they practically filled the back of her suv - they had to move their bags into the seat with seungcheol. it was like half the soccer team, their girlfriends, and friends for five nights, after all. the team wasn’t known for holding back at any of their parties - the rule was ‘no empties.’ she could only hope that the people getting food were grabbing enough to balance everything out. 

the rest of the drive was uneventful. it was pretty though - even if it still looked like summer and not a bit like fall. 

the house was a massive hunk of glass overlooking the lake. everything was very modern and sleek inside. she had been imagining something a little more cozy, less brutal. but that didn’t really matter, especially when they started divvying up the rooms - she and mingyu had a room that shared a bathroom with seungcheol’s room. and it hit her immediatly, mingyu was staying in seungcheol’s room. she wasn’t sure why it annoyed her, but it did, especially when she planned to be sharing a room with him. 

she starfished out on the bed - her bed - and decided she would probably go home the next day. there was literally no reason for her to be here, and there probably never had been. also, sharing the bathroom with two whole ass guys just sounded miserable. she sat up after a few moments of moping, remembering the edibles she had - she ate three and dropped back onto the bed. she wasn’t planning on coming out of her room. mingyu could get fucked, she decided. 

it was seungcheol who was leaning over when she woke up with a yelp, “what the fuck?” her heart was pounding. 

he laughed, “sorry, mingyu wondered if you were okay, so i came to check,” he raised an eyebrow, “you seem alive, though,” he concluded.

she rolled her eyes, “thanks for the astute diagnosis, dr. choi,” she murmured and fell back onto the bed.

he laughed, “seriously though, you good?”

she exhaled loudly, “is he like standing in the bathroom or something?”

seungcheol shook his head.

“liar,” she groaned and rolled over, “i’m going home in the morning, so he can stop feeling whatever way he’s feeling.”

seungcheol looked surprised, “you’re just heading back? isn’t this like the first time you’ve like been somewhere together?”

she shrugged, “and?” your annoyance was definitely coming through, loud and clear.

seungcheol nodded, “right, you two have weird vibes, but look, i need him out of my room - my date is here, and i actually want to spend time with her.”

she could only roll her eyes, “so four people and one bathroom - this is only getting better,” she sighed, “i should just go home now.”

seungcheol shrugged, “whatever, just say it’s okay for him to come in here, so he stops whining in my room - it’s seriously killing my mood.”

“okay, whatever, i don’t care.” 

this was truly going downhill as far as she was concerned. and why would mingyu be whining to seungcheol anyway, she wondered. she heard him come into the room, but she didn’t move. even when he sat on the bed, she stayed still. 

“are you really leaving?”

she pressed her lips together, thinking, “probably not, but seriously, why did you even ask me?” 

she had maybe run out of whatever annoyance she had felt before at being woken up out of nowhere, plus her edibles were wearing off. she sat up so she was next to him, “just tell me what this is - like i’m a buffer, right? but you didn’t tell anyone that i was just coming along, you told them we’re dating, and that comes with like expectations,” she trailed off. 

“since when do you care about expectations?”

she wondered if smacking him would be too strong of a reaction. 

this was all such a bad idea. she was going to have a shit weekend and probably lose her friend in the process. 

⋆˙⟡

the rest of the night was uneventful, with everyone filtering in and no one eating at the same time. she grabbed food and something to drink and mostly avoided conversation, especially if it had to do with her and mingyu. 

she also decided if she pretended this was like a retreat, she could just focus on swimming and hiking since, according to her phone, there were some great trails around. and obeying her fake retreat rules, she grabbed some extra water and headed to bed early - she needed to sleep if she was going to go for a sunrise swim. she was glad that she brought a sleep mask and ear plugs.

her only problem was mingyu’s texts. he hadn’t answered her question about why he asked her or explained why he went nuclear and told everyone they were dating. she had thoughts on what was going on, but she was as bad as he was. even lying in bed, in her not sexy at all clothes, her brain was in overdrive thinking about him in ways she didn’t want to be, especially since her phone kept going off. she knew he was thinking about her, even if it was this pretend, fake way - it didn’t matter. she pulled her pillow over her head to try to drown out the telltale buzzing. she refused to check her phone. 

even when she finally heard the sounds of people going to bed. she cringed at the idea of seungcheol fucking. her gut reaction was that man would be loud. 

she heard the footsteps outside their door, “come on mingyu - baby, just come to my room - you know you want to,” she sat up, knowing the voice immediately. 

“no, i told you i’m not” — she heard the sudden wet sounds of a kiss.

“fuck, katie, stop - what are you not hearing?” she could hear the edge in his voice. 

she sighed, she was technically there to help him avoid this kind of thing. she got out of bed and pulled off her sleep shorts, so she was clearly down to just her panties and tshirt, and tossed her sleep mask. 

she walked to the door and opened it slowly, “gyu?” she made sure sleep was thick in her voice, as she pouted up at him adn tugged his shirt sleeve, “come to bed,” she whispered, biting her lower lip gently. 

she didn’t even look at katie, just him.

he looked at her, “hey, baby,” he didn’t miss a beat, pulling away from katie as fast as he could and walking into their room after her, closing and locking the door. 

she walked back over to the bed and flopped back onto the soft mattress, “helpful enough?” she asked. 

the low light from outside was enough for her to see him nod, “sorry we woke you up,” his voice was soft. 

she shook her head, “it’s fine, just come to bed - i want to swim in the morning,” she was already happily back under the duvet. 

he was gone long enough for her to doze, but she opened her eyes when she heard him, “do you literally mean come to bed?”

she turned over and threw the covers back and patted the spot next to her. he still looked uncertain. she sighed and moved so she was on her knees - she grabbed his hand, “how much more of an invitation do you need?”

“you didn’t even check my messages,” his voice was so small - he sounded hurt. 

she tried to find some answer in the way he was looking at her. but there was nothing besides the fact that she had hurt his feelings. ignoring him was the only thing she knew genuinely drove him nuts - he had told her when they were strictly lab partners how much he hated it - how much it annoyed him. she rarely ignored him. but she had tonight, mainly because her own thoughts were kind of fucked, seeing his stream of conciousness texts would have made it worse.

“so let me apologize,” she whispered, pulling his hand gently - it wasn’t lost on her that he was just in his underwear. 

he let her pull him into bed, and she straddled him, reaching down to smooth his hair back from his face, “what hurts, baby?” 

he touched his lips - she nodded, leaning down to kiss him softly. she held his jaw gently and kissed him slowly. she moaned faintly when she felt his hands ghost along her lower back and under her shirt. his hands were so warm, she shivered. she deepened their kiss, tracing her fingers through his hair as she did, loving how soft his hair was. they stayed that way, making out like it was the only thing in the world that mattered. even when she felt one of his hands slide down over the curve of her ass to trace his fingers under the hem of her panties, she didn’t break the kiss. she wasn’t worried about where his hands might wander. there were only so many things he could touch. 

when she finally pulled away to breathe, she still played with his hair, “so, tell me what we’re doing, mingyu - so we both know, please.”

she could feel his hands on the backs of her thighs - he squeezed her thighs lightly, “what we do every weekend, y/n,” his voice was low.

she bit her lip softly, thinking about the weekend before, letting all her memories bubble to the top. her favorite part was the way he had held her back against his chest, leaning down to kiss her while he fucked her from below. 

she shook her head gently, “just say it - tell me the way you told everyone else,” she murmured. 

she waited for anything besides silence before sitting up and shaking her head. she moved to her side of the bed. she didn’t understand how they had gone so fluidly from one thing to another without really talking about it at all. but then again, that was maybe exactly how it happened - they hadn’t called it anything - it was just what they did. and she hadn’t cared about what it was anymore than he had until he brought it up - until he told people what they were. but somehow, that was the fake part - actually calling it a relationship wasn’t real, even though they had clearly been more than friends or anything else for months. 

⋆˙⟡

she went to sleep purely for spite. and when she woke up with her alarm, she slipped out of bed, grabbed her swimsuit and went to change. it was when she walked out of the bathroom and by the bed that she felt him grab her hand gently, “are you really going out?”

she nodded, “yeah, why shouldn’t i do the stuff i want?”

“i didn’t say you shouldn’t,” he let go of her, sighing as he shifted around under the duvet. 

she didn’t repsond, instead, she just grabbed her stuff and went quietly through the house and out the back. she walked along the dock, pausing at the end for a moment before jumping into the cool waters. even when she surfaced, she couldn’t get him out of her mind. she floated, thinking about the fact that whatever they were was only nameless when they were alone. she laughed to herself. 

she got out when she started to feel chilly. she dried off and walked back to the house. she poked around the kitchen to find something for breakfast and some ice - she had kept her own drinks in their room, knowing they would be gone otherwise. 

she went back to their room, bypassing the bed in favor of going onto the balcony they had. she hadn’t looked at it the night before. she only went back in to grab a bottle of champagne. she popped the cork, not really caring that it wasn’t chilled yet. she sipped it before sticking the bottle in the ice she had gotten. she ate fruit and some leftover steak she had found in the fridge. she scrolled through her socials. 

a few of her friends had messaged to ask if she were really dating mingyu - her blanket response was easy, ‘no.’ 

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁

a/n: told you they are dumb af...trust the process, yes they're about to be messy af...but i only write happy endings

♡ kat

[part ii] [part iii]

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁

tag list: @syluslittlecrows

if you want to be tagged, go [here] my [master list] if you want to read more

[gay-dorito-dust]

Since you said you only have one more Joaquin Torres request left, can I request one too?

This is an angsty one, probably fluff ones Joaquin settles.

So basically the reader used to be in a situationship with another Avenger. You used to be a very bubbly, sunshine and happy-go-lucky kinda person but they leave you for another person and they start cherishing their new significant other in ways they never did to you which is a huge blow to your self-confidence. Then you meet Joaquin but by the time you meet Joaquin, you’re basically a cold, grumpy, rbf kinda person who has their walls up.

Joaquin’s golden retriever personality helps them open up again and eventually fall in love.

I might have to make a part two…I went on too long…

You were once someone that shone like pure gold in the eyes of many, a smile so wide and genuine it send warmth into the people closest to you, eyes so bright and filled with unbridled joy and optimism and faith in a better future. You had a way about you that made your fellow avengers that everything would work out should you remain strong as a unit, as a team, if not for a dream that built the avengers but for the sake of humanity itself and the future generations that lol live long after you were all gone.

You were a friend for all regardless of their past circumstances that left them with blood on their hands, you saw the best in them when they couldn’t and you uplifted them to the best of your abilities, smiling with the upmost pride when they prove your hunch about them right. You knew how to cheer someone up with a few words and the right gestures, you were the shoulder many cried upon when things within their heads gotten too much, the tender touch that they all needed in their life to remember that kindness could look upon their haunted souls.

You use to shine like gold, but not so much anymore…your shine wasn’t meant to last forever and fate deemed that you had became a ray of hope and fairness for far too long, and that it was time to remind you that humanity wasn’t as kind as you stubbornly believed.

And it all started with that stupid situationship you had with a fellow avenger. You were naive to think that they’d ever let you out of the metaphorical closest, especially with how often your hastily and emotion driven and sometimes last minute meet ups at each other’s rooms late at night. They didn’t want you as much as they wanted another and you were too high on the feeling of what you thought was being wanted, to the point that you didn’t see how often their eyes moved away from you and towards someone else, their hands might’ve been on your waist and up your nightshirt, but those touches meant nothing to them as much as they meant to you.

You thought what you had was something with substance, something that would soon flourish into a full fledge relationship where you didn’t have to hide your affections anymore, so you waited patiently as months past as your situationship continued with the belief that they wouldn’t dare hurt your heart. You were so obvious to what you wanted to happen that you didn’t notice that they had been pulling away until it was too late, they didn’t bring you gifts nor did they whisper sweet nothings into your ear anymore, they kept looking past you and never at you anymore and soon enough your name never felt their lips when you use to kiss; the name of another had become the most frequent slip up they always tried to gaslight you for looking too deep into.

Soon your hopeful optimism shattered and your eyes had opened as your once golden glow has simmered down to a mournful blue, or a deeply destroyed purple as cold crept through your veins where warmth once was, you had started to see that they used you as a bed warmer for another. You had begun to realise that you had been had as you watched who you thought was your other half smile and laugh more genuinely with another then they ever did with you, and they didn’t even look remotely guilty with how they treated you as they looked at you with victory in their eyes, telling you that they finally had the one they wanted and that person wasn’t you.

You watched as they had become more openly affectionate with another, kissing their neck and hugging them from behind in the kitchen during the mornings, smiling as they called them the sweetest names that only made blue rose in your throat and your first clench in not anger but hurt and humiliation. You felt like a fool for believing in such a stupid thing as love for it was fake, an illusion used to hurt others to get what they truly want, love was manipulation and you were manipulated to the point where you were tricked into thinking that you could have something that was yours and yours alone.

They never did this with you and soon enough news of their relationship had broke throughout the tower, congratulations were given to the happy couple, all but yours as you stood the furtherest away from your team as a scowl replaced your smile and a scoff leaves your mouth rather then a laugh of joy. ‘Pathetic.’ Was what left your lips like venom instead of a hopeful wish that they would live happily together, you had lost your shine and your warmth and it was all because of them; and because of the false promises you were given you had no desire to keep pushing to be the uplifting spirit of the team when you had Ben treated wrongly by another who now had everything they wanted, and all without repercussions too.

You use to shine, now you were one with the pessimists and the people who knew the truth about being vulnerable with the wrong person, it fractures your idea of people and you didn’t view a single person within the room worth of your vulnerability anymore nor your trust; you were a midnight blue or a hurting purple that was soo deep in colour it was almost black.

Joaquin shone bright like gold. His smile brightened the room and his eyes were twinkling with pride, with hope and such optimism it made you sick seeing him. His voice was filled to the brim with warmth, with happiness and joy that made Sam reminiscent of who you use to be whenever he looked into his eyes, Sam saw a ghost of you within Joaquin; Joaquin was a man who was the embodiment of hope and of unconditional love whenever he flung his arms over someone’s shoulder while smiling that notion smile.

However whenever he tries to throw his arm over your shoulder, you’d swat it aside harshly before leaving the room, leaving Joaquin confused and disheartened at your cold exterior and hostile attitude towards anyone and everything that moved or even breathed in your direction. He didn’t know what was up with you but he knew that this didn’t come from nothing, that you were born with coldness within your veins and ice within your heart, Joaquin knew something was wrong the moment he met you as he could feel your biting stare piece the back of his head.

So he went to Sam for answers.

‘They use to be a lot like you.’ Sam tells the young man. ‘Happy, hopeful, our ray of hope and guiding light of the avengers who could always make us feel invincible with just a few words.’ He chuckles as he remembered the times you had given him hope that the future would be kind and prosperous for him, and he still believed in your words more now than ever. ‘They once shone like the purest of gold and was warmer than any fire, the person who was the most comfort than any blanket could ever provide.’ Sam finishes as echos of your laugh haunted his mind.

Joaquin frowned when he saw Sam’s eyes become distant and sad, as though he was mourning you like you were dead, and couldn’t help but become even more curious as to how you could’ve become so cold and miserable as a person within a blink of an eye. ‘What happened?’ He asked, unable to comprehend that you use to smile as bright as anything, uplift others and give them something to believe in, not when all he saw was someone deeply hurt by their past and too stubborn to let anyone in and so heavily guarded of their heart.

Sam sighed as he looked at you from the corner of his eye, wearing your suit that once had a colour scheme matching your warmth and hopefulness, now changed to far colder colours to better match the current state of your heart and mind. ‘They were in love with another avenger, well they thought they were at least.’ Sam replied as he recalled the drastic change within you, seeing in your eyes that fateful day that reality has hit you harder then any punch, how quickly your tune hand changed from a triumphant orchestra to something far more lonely and isolated.

You might not have had the heart to personally tell him what happened, but Sam knew for them way your eyes became cold when they announced their relationship so freely and smugly, he knew when he saw your heart shatter within your chest and became a fortress of ice to keep anyone else out for good.

Joaquin’s jaw clenched at the idea of anyone being treated wrong, especially you, but he was in dire need to learn more and so he kept quiet when Sam continued the story. ‘They thought that it was finally their time to be truly happy, to have someone to have and to hold forever, but the dickhead they were with treated them with such disrespect and disregard for so long that when they realised that they were tricked.’ Sam stopped to gauge Joaquin’s reaction, noticing how his knuckles were clenched in his lap, his restlessness to know more and the way his posture had become straightened as though trying to compose himself from the feelings raging within him.

‘It was already too late and ever since then (name) had become recluse, isolated from the rest of the group, unable to be vulnerable with us anymore and prone to distrusting others upon a first glance.’ Sam then rested a hand upon Joaquin’s shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly as he saw the look upon his face, smiling. ‘So don’t take it to heart kid, it’s just how they are now and they’re only doing what they’re doing to protect themself, don’t take it as an attack on you becuase you would do the same if you were in their situation. So it’s best to leave them alone.’ Sam finished.

Joaquin, feeling as though he could do something to help you heal, stood up from his chair. ‘They don’t have to be Sam, they just need to know they not everyone is going to take advantage of their heart, that there are people who’d cherish them and be the warmth that they’ve been for others for too long.’ He says passionately as his heart aches for you and the pain you’ve endured, his heart aches for the fact that you had betrayed your truth self for safety from others, hiding your soul from those who’d mistreat it. Joaquin knew he wouldn’t, he would never do something so disgusting to you in a million lifetimes, all you needed was a reminder and he would gladly be that reminder for you; to shine like gold just for you.

Sam furrowed his brows, knowing well enough that Joaquin was coming from a good place, but he knew that you’d sooner bite and lash out rather than listen to reason. ‘Leave them be Joaquin. I mean it.’

Joaquin bristles, not liking being told that he couldn’t help you, that you would only snap him in half for even coming near you but he couldn’t help but see that you were in need of help and the fact that no one had given you it was ridiculously to him. ‘No.’ He replied. ‘They need someone to guide them back to who they once were. They need me Sam, I have to help them and see life how they use to see it.’

Sam also stands up and looks Joaquin in the eye, having become protective over you ever since that day and wanted nothing more then to see you happy again, shining like gold like Joaquin does in front of him that he almost has to squint to look at the young man. ‘And why are you so determined that the person to do it is you, why not someone else?’ He asks.

‘Becuase I like them!’ Joaquin exclaims. ‘I really, really like them and if it means working at it every day to help them heal, to help them move on from what their past relationship did then I’ll do it and I’ll keep at it until I see them smile.’ He adds with a seriousness, looking at you from the corner of his eye and feeling his heart ache once more. Sam looks at Joaquin with pride and claps a hand on his shoulder, his eyes twinkling knowingly. ‘Then help them.’ He tells him. ‘Help them the only way you know how.’

[athycore]

Hello!!! :3 I wish to make a request! I really love your writing style and the way you carry out your fics, theyre so awesome X3!!!☆

Could I make a req of Mob (/Shigeo Kageyama) with a gn!gyaru!reader :3c? Extra points if they do really good in school!

I see that you havent posted in a while on this blog, so you dont have to respond to my req! Please take care of yourself first out of anything else ^^<3

Thank youuuuuu!!!!! X3

-[Anonymous].

OMG HAIIII!!! Thank you so much, about me not posting in a while, i completely forget im a writer so i never end up checking requests, but now i did!!

Anyways heres ur food :3

Mob w a Gyaru!reader…(gn reader)

To say mob was obsessed is an understatement. He simply fawns over your fashion and loves the idea of going against the beauty standard. Although because of his fashionable s/o, he has a hard time blending in. At times he doesnt want the attention but his albsolute cutie of his lover being the center of attention, mob wouldnt mind just this once.

You both go to clothing shops together! Mob believes and trusts your fashion taste to be able to pick a few for him. He wants to hang out and uses the idea of shopping together to get you talking. He enjoys it. Afterall he somewhat helps with some of the clothes for you to pick out, while you help him look his best. He adores your keen eye on managing to find the good clothes that are usually hidden..(gatekeepers😒😒)

When you go on dates he swears he can pay, but his pay isnt enough..afterall regien isnt too reliable. Instead you pay, hope you dont mind. After you both end up going to the park or going to each others houses to hang out later. Mob gaslights(begs) reigen to let him off early for these dates too. He wants to show his respect by simply making time for you like any wonderful lover.

Mob and his family aprove of you so much! You are just the sweetest and the cutest girls to ever approach mob. Ritsu thinks its rad that his older brother managed to get a parnther in general, but thinks even more highly of you when he knows and sees your genuine care for his brother. Plus when you go to mobs house to hangout, ritsu joins whenever he feels lonely. You and mob welcome him with open arms, especially when watching a horror movie.

Mob uses his psychic powers to try to find out what you like in order for him to get the RIGHT gift. Hes just whipped and his friends and brother tease him for it. Simple middle schoolers am i right? He doesnt mind it though.

He introduces you to reigen and reigen approves. Reigen sees you as fit, and an adorable girl who would help mob by the long mile. Mob also introduced you to teru and sho, as well as the other psychics. They all like you and think you are so cool with your makeup and fashion. Heck, teru asked for some advice too.

Mob gets you both matching keychains..guaranteed. Like those cute sanrio ones or the cute little characters. He finds them absolutely adorable. The idea that his s/o has the other half, he ends up staring at his keychain on end till his club snaps him outta it.

In school you might as well be a prodigy! He finds the fact that you do so well extremely admirable. He wants to be tutored by you and you only. Only you can be patient with him. He thinks of you as top of his class, grade, school even!( next to ritsu ) He just gets so happy seeing you not having to worry about grades and what not.

There are times when you are doing makeup, he just watches. No conversation, nothing. Soly because he thinks its skillful, he feels as tho its art and that she shouldn’t interfere. But there are times he asks questions about the products your using. Hes just curious about all that stuff.

Hes your #1 supporter! He believes that you should and will do what YOU want. That no one should tell you anything about how to look, act, or present yourself!

Hope you liked it!!! Thanks so much for the request!!!

[jiniretracha]

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠? - 𝐥𝐞𝐞 𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐱 (𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬)

pairing: lee felix x fem!reader

warnings: fluff, smut, angst!!!

summary: You worked at Kim Publishing, a place you could call home since the very start. But when it faced bankruptcy, your beloved company was forced to merge with Bang Editorials an evil empire with no vision on anything that Kim Publishing represented. And that's how you met your nemesis: Felix Lee. The bane of your existence. But everything fell into place like the pieces of a puzzle when your bosses had a marvellous idea: a new position as manager director, who had to submit their report in order to be chosen for the job. And your archenemy had the same purpose as you did: get that job one way or another.

word count: 7k (enjoyy)

ps: yaayyyy, we're done with this series! I will be uploading the epilogue as soon as I finish it. I'm considering it being ko-fi exclusive though... but let me know if you like this chapter, love y'all!!!!!

masterlist // series masterlist // ko-fi

𝐓𝐄𝐍 - 𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬

You stirred your tea on the table, waiting for Wooyoung to come. He was the only one who knew about your situation with Felix and he was the only person that came to mind that you knew wouldn’t judge you. 

Hell, sometimes you even wished that you liked him as much as you liked Felix. But fate never worked out in the way one would want. 

Wooyoung came almost rushing towards you and said a breathy hi to you, before pressing a kiss to your cheek in a greeting. 

“Tell me everything, look at your face! Are you okay?” he asked with his eyebrows furrowed and he had a clear worried look on his face. 

You sighed and told him everything, from what had happened at Chris’ wedding to what you had just heard a couple of minutes ago. 

Wooyoung pulled his face back in shock and shook his head in astonishment, “So… what you’re saying is that you think he’s sexually gaslighting you, Y/N?” he asked you in horror. “Shit, that’s diabolical”

You let out a little breath and sipped on your tea.

“I mean, it makes sense if you think about it. You’re probably not going to try so hard to beat him now if you’re in love with him” Wooyoung said and then looked at the wall behind you, in a thoughtful manner. “I wonder what it’s like to be a dude that uses his raw animal magnetism as a weapon” Wooyoung frowned. “Can’t imagine. Never even… thought about doing it, it’s crazy”

“Yeah, but it’s one thing to flirt, Woo” you told him, frowning angrily. “It’s on a whole another level to pretend to have true feelings. I just- I feel like such an idiot” 

You quickly wiped the tears that fell from your eyes and sipped on your tea. 

“Are you um… are you sure it’s okay for us to talk about this?” you asked carefully. “You know, after…”

Wooyoung smiled at you and nodded. “Yeah, don’t worry, girlie. I care too much about you to lose you as a friend. And you had to bear with me when I broke up with Heejin a couple of months ago, so…” he shrugged. “It’s only fair, I guess”

You chuckled and then sniffled your nose. “I just… I just can’t believe I let myself be fooled like this. He seemed so sincere, so genuine” you explained, more tears falling. You felt your voice catching and you stopped yourself. 

Wooyoung sighed and smiled, placing his hand on your thigh with a pat. “Well, fear not my sweet friend. You’re going to rock your job interview and get it, because it’s rightfully yours” he said. 

You smiled and grabbed his hand, placing a small kiss on the back of it. “Thank you, Woo” 

“Yeah, I believe in you” he said, handing you a cookie which you gladly took. “I have faith you’ll restore the peace among the office. It’s rightfully needed. Don’t need more of Bang Seojun’s goons fluttering all over my work like mosquitoes. So annoying” 

“Yes, well, justice requires that Felix live a long life alone, sucking on Bang Seojun’s nasty and disgusting ass” you said and Wooyoung nodded, lifting his coffee cup with a shrug. 

“Cheers to that” he said with a chuckle. 

Before you could cheer with your friend, Felix appeared in front of you both, making you look up at him and quickly look down. 

“Hey, Felix” Wooyoung said in a hesitant voice.

“What are you doing here?” you asked in a strained voice, blinking a few times up at him.

Felix’s eyebrows furrowed, noticing the tone in your voice and the dried tears on your cheeks. 

“I was looking for you” he said, wide eyed. “I… I thought I could join you for some coffee, or- well, tea. I know you don’t like coffee, so…” he chuckled nervously. 

You smiled without humour and shook your head. “I don’t like you enough to have coffee with you” you said in a small voice and then sipped on your cup of tea. 

Felix pulled his face back and pressed his tongue on the inside of his mouth. He exhaled and nodded. “Right. My mistake” he quietly said and left the coffee shop with a frown clear all over his expression. 

When he was out of sight, you let out the breath you were holding and Wooyoung whistled. “You were solid, girlie. Well done” he chuckled in a whisper. 

You smiled at him with a fake tight lipped smile. 

“Hey…” he said and you looked up at him. “Don’t feel sorry for him for snapping at him like that. Are you kidding me?” Wooyoung chuckled. 

“I don’t know, Woo” you breathed out and felt your eyes blurring with tears once again. 

As you stared into the cup of tea you had in your hands, your thoughts started revolving around in your head. He seemed so predictable and yet, now he left you speechless. For the second time.

The first time had been when he had confessed his feelings for you were more than just a simple liking: he loved you.

But now, the second time he had left you speechless, thinking that maybe he wasn’t as predictable as you may have thought, had been when maybe he didn’t love you like he said he did. He had played with your feelings in a way that you didn’t expect. It was cruel, even. 

You sniffled and patted the skin under your eyes, trying to erase the tears that were falling.

You had to go back to the office and seem like you hadn’t been crying all morning for some douchebag. 

Like Felix Lee hadn’t made you cry. 

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At the office back again, you plopped your ass down on the chair and you lifted your head up, only to find Felix already staring at you. He eyed you curiously and then looked back to his computer. 

You felt your heart clenching even harder by the minute. You wanted to say so many things and at the same time, you wanted to run back to your home and hide under the covers for at least a week. You also wanted him to ask you, to talk to you, but at the same time, you wanted him to never talk to you again, or hell, never even look in your direction. 

An hour later into your work, you could finally get your head away from thoughts in the form of a freckled man sitting across from you. 

You sighed as you looked at your inbox and noticed that there was a missing email you knew that should be there

“Do we have confirmation that the book presentation dinner is going to be at The Grand in London?” you asked Felix, without peeling your eyes away from the screen in front of you.

“I sent you the email” Felix muttered, writing away in his stupid little diary.

“No, I’m looking at my inbox and there is no fucking sign of an email” you said angrily, finally looking up at him.

“Well, you’re either blind or lying, as per usual. That would not surprise me” Felix said with a tone you could not quite decipher. 

You frowned and pulled your head back in shock. “I don’t lie” you stated slowly.

“Yes” he said, and your gazes met, making your heart plummet to the bottom of your stomach. “All the time. You just don’t see it as a lie because you tell people what they want to hear”

You narrowed your eyes. “What? Name one time I did that, Felix Lee” you spat in an accusatory manner. 

He scoffed. “You told me you were not interested in Wooyoung” he said and pushed his hands on the desk to stand up, avoiding your gaze. 

“That’s amazing, wow” you chuckled with sarcasm, standing up like he did. “You’re actually going to continue with this stupid little game, aren’t you?”

Felix didn’t look at you, he just continued to pretend there was something interesting in what he was doing by his desk. 

“Kick me out of my spot, get the job, get me fired, whatever” you shrugged, almost yelling at him. “Lie about your feelings? Tell me that you love me? That was way too much, Felix Lee. Way too much” you said and you tried to refrain your voice from breaking but it was very hard. 

Felix frowned and turned around to look at you properly. “What?”

“Oh yeah!” you chuckled with sarcasm. “I heard you with Bang Seojun in his office just a while ago, with that little misogynistic bastard that apparently enjoys whenever you go and suck his dick just for a little ounce of approval, which, by the way, let me say that it’s very very pathetic. It’s sad, even” you spat in his face. 

“I don’t follow, Y/N. I’m sorry-”

“You planned this whole thing just to get that stupid, stupid job!” you almost yelled at him. “You lied about loving me and shit, just to get that job and you told Bang Seojun proudly like the little shit you are. You probably forgot to tell him all about the sex we had which he probably would’ve enjoyed-”

Felix’s eyes widened. “I didn’t-”

“Hey! Hey! What is going on here?” Bang Seojun walked out of his office, with a frown on his face. “Felix, I’m gonna need those confirmations for the dinner at The Grand on my desk by Friday”

Felix scoffed. “I don’t have time, Seojun. Y/N can do that” the freckled man said. 

Bang Seojun turned around and looked at you as you walked over to your desk. “Y/L/N” he said and you turned around, rolling your eyes. “Can you do that for me?”

“You know, Bang Seojun, I would love to do whatever it is that you just ordered Mr. Patrick Bateman over there, but I doubt an idiot in heels and a push-up bra might be very helpful to you” you spat and turned around back again to sit on your desk. 

Bang Seojun stared at you and then shrugged. He turned to Felix and pointed at him. “Dr. Lee, confirmations on my desk by Friday. That’s final” he said sternly and walked back into the lair he called his office. 

Felix sighed and then looked at you. You were packing up your stuff angrily and his chest fully tightened at the sight of your face scrunched up, desperately trying not to cry. 

“Y/N, can we talk in private? So we can at least calm down” he said, coming closer to you. 

He touched your arm and you flinched away from him. You scowled and stepped away from him. 

“Don’t… fucking… touch me” you whispered to him. “Whatever it is that we had going on, whatever the fuck it was, it’s over, alright?” 

You gave him one last look and walked away from him, into the elevator. As soon as the doors closed, you slumped against the wall and started sobbing, feeling your chest hurting from everything that had happened. From the disappointment. 

From believing that maybe Felix Lee had loved you back. 

Felix looked at you leaving and let out a shaky sigh. 

“You’re such an idiot” he whispered to himself. 

The door of Bang Seojun’s office opened with a loud bang, making him jump in his spot. 

He turned around and saw Seojun with eyes widened and angry, he looked out of his character, angry. Well, maybe not angry. He looked livid.

“Dr. Lee?” he asked in a slow and low voice. “Wanna explain to me what the fuck is this?” 

Felix swallowed and looked at the papers that his boss had in his hand.

“Did I read this correctly?” 

“Yes, you did” Felix replied instantly, without missing a beat. 

Bang Seojun scoffed and shook his head, “Can you come into my office so we can… talk whatever this is?” he spat.

Felix nodded. “Yeah, of course”

His boss walked back into his office and Felix shut the door behind him once he was inside. 

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You shut the door of your apartment and collapsed on it, sliding slowly on the floor. You slapped your hand over your mouth to contain the sobs racking over your body. 

The energy was slowly leaving your body as you let every single emotion drain you from it. You were so tired. 

Tired of overthinking. Tired of feeling. Tired of hating. 

Everything had been such a rollercoaster. For a moment you hated him, then you started to tolerate him, and just when you fell for him, you hated him all over again. 

Well, maybe you were just lying to yourself, to overshadow the fact that you could never hate him. You had fallen so deep in love for him that going back to hating him wasn’t going to be easy. At all. 

You didn’t know how much time had passed since you arrived at home, all you knew was that when you looked through the window for the first time since you got there, it was dark. 

With a groan, you lifted yourself off of the floor, wincing when you felt the sharp pain in your buttcheeks from sitting on the hardwood. 

You sat on the couch with a tired sigh and grabbed your phone from your pocket. 

Maybe it wasn’t the right time, it wasn’t going to solve any of your problems but texting your mom could give you peace. 

When you unlocked your phone, you saw three missed calls from Felix and two unread texts. 

Felix Lee: hey, i know you probably hate me rn

Felix Lee:  but i need to talk to you, I need to explain. it wasn’t at all like that. I promise. 

You sighed and ignored them. You clicked on your chat with your mom and smiled at the thought of her having a good time in Europe. 

You: hey mom!!

You: I miss you…

You let out a shaky breath, trying not to cry again. 

Your phone buzzed almost instantly. 

Mom: hey bub! i miss you too. what are you up to?

You: eh… feeling a little like shit, i guess

You chewed on your lip, feeling embarrassed that you needed to talk to your mother about your love life. 

Mom: let me guess, paradise on the rocks?

With a snort, you typed back.

You: you could say that, yes

Mom: wanna talk about it, bub?

You: not really

You: i guess i wanted to talk to you

Mom: look at you, getting all sappy on me 

You: i’ll block you

Mom: no, don’t do that !!! 

She sent a bunch of emojis, like an old lady would. It made you laugh out loud. 

Mom: whatever happened, just remember that you are an awesome girl. and whatever you’re feeling, pain isn’t forever. 

Mom: it’ll pass. 

Mom: it’ll all work out

You: you did not just quote Tom Petty to me

Mom: I might’ve yes…

You smiled and felt your chin quivering. You missed her so much.

You: love you, momma

Mom: love you more, my sweet bub

You sniffled and set your phone aside. You grabbed the remote control and immediately clicked on Netflix. 

Before you could start to binge watch your misery away, you stood up, opening the cabinet that stored the friend you left for emergencies: whiskey. 

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Felix arrived at his home late at night and left the keys by the furniture next to the door. 

He sighed and closed his eyes, feeling the tears blurring his eyesight. As he released the breath he was holding in his throat, he sat down on the couch and leaned his head back against the back of it. 

The guilt was eating him up. You had misunderstood everything completely, and you didn’t let him even explain. It had been gory almost, the way you just looked at him. It was pure hurt. You were hurt. He had caused it.

Felix sniffled as his body shook. He couldn’t believe he had lost you. He couldn’t even bask in the feeling of finally having you, after all that time. 

He felt like killing Bang Seojun for even existing. 

His plan had gone wrong, maybe it wasn’t so worth it, if it was gonna cause you even more pain than he already did. 

Felix unlocked his phone and a little smile stretched in his face when he saw that Chris had posted the wedding pictures on his instagram. 

cb97: forever and ever @sana_m

He swiped over the 15 photos his stepbrother had posted and his heart stopped when in one of them, there was a familiar figure smiling in the background.

You next to him. You were looking up at him with such happiness on your face. And he was happy too, he could see it. He was smiling, full teeth grin, and his hand was posed on your waist. Felix felt jealousy of his past self. How he had you so close to him, touching you. 

His fingers caressed the screen pathetically, searching for the comfort he once felt when he had you.

But it was impossible to replace the feeling that you gave him when you were next to him.

How at home he felt every single time. 

His chin quivered and felt a sharp pain in his chest, the heartache becoming almost unbearable. He clutched at his heart over the shirt he had used for work as he cried. He sobbed the pain away. 

He was never going to hear your laugh again. 

He was never going to kiss you again.

He was never going to be able to tell you how much he loved you again.

He was never going to hear you saying you loved him again. 

He was never-

Riiiiiiing…

He jumped in his place and grabbed the phone that was busy buzzing on his lap. 

Felix turned the device around and to say that his heart nearly stopped would be an understatement. 

Y/N could be read prettily on the phone screen. 

He quickly swiped to answer the call and carefully placed his phone up to his ear.

“Hello? Baby?” he slowly said.

He could hear a breathing down the other side of the line but no one spoke.

“Hey? Are you okay, where are-”

“I hate you- you know?” your slurred voice dug another knife on his chest. “God, I love you so much that I hate you”

You were drunk. 

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Baby, you’re drunk, where are you?” 

“I’m- ‘M not… I just drank a little but you’re not my daddy so shut up- hick!” 

If his heart hadn’t been beating so hard, he probably would’ve giggled. 

“Where are you?” 

“I don’t- I don’t know” you slurred. 

Felix could hear the sound of cars and traffic and his heart started clenching at the thought of you alone and drunk at night. 

“What can you see? I’m coming to pick you up, baby. Just tell me” he said, quickly standing up from the couch as his eyes scanned the room to locate his car keys.

“Um… I see a tree and uh… a house” you said, your feet dragging over the concrete. “A car…”

He quickly got out of his home and in no time, his shoes were kissing the street grounds. “Okay you’re doing good, what else do you see?” he asked, fumbling with his car keys.

You didn’t say anything.

“Baby?” 

“I see you” 

His heart dropped and so did his phone, well, almost. He was there to catch it on time. 

He looked around frantically, searching for you. 

Felix finally saw you, eyes posing on your figure. You were on the opposite street looking at him with tears streaming down your eyes and you were still wearing the clothes you had worn to the office that day. 

Your skirt was slightly wrinkled, the first two buttons of your shirt were undone and your hair was a little tussled, like you had run your hands all over it various times. 

He saw you stepping over to the edge of the sidewalk and his eyes widened. 

“No, no, no!” he shouted, scared that you were going to cross the street without looking. 

He crossed the street, earning honks from angry drivers. Once he was in front of you, he didn’t know what to do. He wanted to do so many things, like hug you, cry, grab your shoulders and shake you as he shouts: what the hell were you thinking?

He was so angry at you for getting drunk and walking alone at night down the street but at the same time he was so relieved you were here. 

With a deep breath, mostly to calm himself down, he grabbed your shoulders and pressed you against your side, noticing your not so slight shaking. 

“Come on, let’s get you inside, alright?” he cooed. 

“Okay” you whispered. 

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You let out a deep breath once your ass hit the mattress of his bed. 

“You can shower if you want” he told you. “Or take a bath, whatever you want. I can start one for you-”

“Oh my God, shut up” you said, placing your palms over your ears. 

Felix quickly pressed his lips together. 

“I’m… I’m so mad at you right now” You said slowly, slurring your words out. “I can’t think straight. I’ve been crying… all evening. The only thing I could think of to drown the thought of you was alcohol. How pathetic is that?”

Felix looked down at his shoes, feeling his heart shattering at what you were telling him.

“But my God, it’s even more pathetic to think that not even the alcohol could make me forget about how much I love you. And I hate it. You hurt me… so much” you said and your voice broke, but your face remained emotionless. “Hearing you… with Bang Seojun, talking about me like I meant nothing. Like we meant nothing. It just… it just shattered me. I don’t need help beating her. Of course you didn’t” 

Felix wanted to say so many things. But he knew you were drunk and you were not going to remember anything he would say to you. You were so wrong. You got his talk with Bang Seojun wrong and he couldn’t tell you because you wouldn’t remember it. 

Or worse, you wouldn’t believe him. 

So, he opted to be a patient man. His plan had to work somehow. 

“Y/N, you’re hurt and drunk, okay? You need a bath” he said in a sweet, warm tone. 

You looked up at him, eyes full of hurt and nodded. “Okay” you whispered.

He smiled at you and nodded. “Alright, let’s go”

Soon, you found yourself standing in the middle of his bathroom, alone. You looked at yourself in the mirror and huffed with a frown.

What the hell were you doing here?

You rolled your eyes at yourself and unbuttoned your shirt, throwing it along with your bra on a pile on the floor. You let your skirt pool on your feet and kicked it off with your panties. 

With a tired sigh, you stepped inside, letting your sore muscles soak in the warm water. You looked over to your side to brush your hair away from your face and you noticed a candle lit over the side of the tub.

The little but heartfelt detail didn’t have to make your chest swoon, but it did. Even after everything, he was taking care of you. Why?

Why would he do all of this after everything that happened? After everything that he had done?

Why would he offer to take such care of you after he had betrayed you in the most heartbreaking way?

You felt your face crumbling as you started sobbing. You quickly slapped your hands over your face, to drown out the sound of your desperate crying, but Felix wasn’t oblivious to it. He wanted to hug you, and kiss you, and tell you that he loved you more than anything in the world, that everything that he did was for you. 

But it wasn’t the time to do that. 

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The next morning, your eyes fluttered open and immediately groaned as you felt a sharp pain stabbing inside of your head. 

“Fucking hell… I’m never… ever drinking again” you whispered to yourself, pressing your fingers over the sides of your head. 

When you could zero in your surroundings, your eyes widened when you realised that you were not in your room, but instead, in his room. 

You sat up quickly and looked at the clothes you were wearing.

His clothes.

“No… no, no, no, no, no” you mumbled to yourself, letting your face fall to your hands. “When- how did this happen?” the questions started showering over inside your head. 

Suddenly, Felix walked out of the bathroom from inside his room wearing nothing but a low towel sitting on his hips. He had just taken a shower and his hair was damp, droplets of water falling over his bare chest, over his abs-

God if you weren’t so mad at him, you would just-

FOCUS!

You shook your head and looked at him with your best angry face you could muster. “What am I doing here?” you asked him.

Felix turned around with a little jump, clearly surprised to see you awake. “Oh hey, you’re up” he said with a little smile.

“Answer my question” you spat, frowning. 

Felix blinked and scratched the nape of his neck sheepishly. “You came over last night. You were drunk. I offered you a bath and I gave you some clothes because- well, you didn’t have any” he explained, his shoulders shrugging a little with a pout on his face. 

“I came here naked?!”

“No! No, no, you came over with your work clothes from yesterday. You took a shower and because your clothes were– you know, dirty, I gave you some of mine” he quickly explained, making your body sag in relief. 

He looked so small explaining everything, and it made you feel bad. But you didn’t have to feel bad, he literally broke your heart… but then, why did you feel guilty as well?

“Did you- did we-”

“No, no. I slept on the couch. I just came here to take a shower, that’s it. I promise” Felix quickly clarified, holding his hands up. “I can- um… I can make some breakfast for you if you want” 

“No, thank you, I want to go home” you said with a sarcastic laugh. “Thank you for saving me from the embarrassment but I’d love to go home”

Felix let out a disappointed sigh. “Very well, um… I left your clothes on the chair by the corner. I can get you an uber if you’d like-”

“I’ll get one myself” you sighed, and then groaned, feeling your headache getting worse by the minute.

“Let me get you an Advil at least” Felix said, placing his hands on his waist.

You avoided looking at him or anything that involved him because he was looking very naked and very beautiful in front of you. 

“Okay, um, Felix, can you at least get changed or anything? I cannot focus with you naked in front of me” you groaned, grabbing the sides of your head.

Felix would’ve smirked and made a comment about it, if he hadn’t been so invested in making sure you were alright. 

“Um, yeah, sure. I- I’ll-”

“Nevermind, I’ll just go to the living room” you groaned, knowing that he just came out of the shower, it was cold, and he probably wanted to change into some clothes.

You shut the door of his room behind you and walked into the living room. Once you found Advil, you downed a pill with a glass of water and left it by the sink. Then, you sat on the couch and let out a long breath. 

If there was something you knew for sure it was that you were never going to be tasting a single drop of alcohol ever again. 

After a few minutes of sulking in your own misery, Felix came out of his room wearing an attire that you weren’t used to seeing him in. He was wearing a white shirt with a plaid flannel and short jean pants. 

You realised that you were only wearing one of his shirts and a pair of his boxers as a replacement for your underwear. It was very intimate now that you thought about it, wearing a piece of clothing that laid against the most private parts of his. 

“You can get dressed in the clothes you wore yesterday and I can… take you to your house or wherever you’d like” he offered, kind of reading your mind.

His eyebrows were arched, and his eyes shone with guilt. And concern. And sadness. And love.

“Okay…” you whispered, pretty much exhausted to argue with him. 

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In his car, the silence was so awkward you wanted the earth to just swallow you up whole. You opted for just staring at the window, the rainy weather suddenly became more important and interesting than whatever was going on inside your head. 

Felix kept stealing glances at you, and he suddenly felt the deja vu crawling inside his veins. Just like the time you shared the kiss inside the elevator and then he offered to give you a ride. 

But this time it was worse. 

This time there was a lot more going on than just a simple kiss. 

You let out a sigh without realising and Felix turned his whole head to look at you. 

“Y/N, I’m sorry…” he started and you closed your eyes.

“No, I’m not doing this, Felix” you said quietly.

“But please just let me. Because you got this wrong, okay?” Felix begged, his hands gripping the steering wheel.

“Then tell me! What did I get wrong?” you scoffed, slapping your hands over your legs.

Felix was about to say something but nothing came out of his mouth. 

“I can’t- I just-” he stammered and you rolled your eyes.

“How disappointing” you whispered, knowing that it would hurt him. But you wanted to hurt him. You wanted him to feel at least an ounce of the pain that you were feeling. 

Felix parked the car outside of your house and you placed your hand on the door handle. 

“You got nothing to say to me?” you asked him, your eyes gathering some tears.

Felix swallowed and looked at you. “That I never lied to you. And if I ever did… just know that my love for you isn’t a lie. I love you more than anything, Y/N” he said quietly, holding your gaze. “I never wanted to hurt you. Ever” 

Your chin quivered. “But you did” you whispered, opened the door and shut it behind you. 

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Monday came around. 

The big day.

You spent the entire Sunday holed up in your house preparing everything for the presentation for the job. 

You dressed yourself up in the best dress that you had in your wardrobe and grabbed the cunty heels that you wore… well, for that. 

You looked at yourself in the mirror one last time and smiled at yourself.

“You got this” you told yourself. 

An hour later, you arrived at the building and immediately went to Hwayoung’s office.

“Hey!” she said.

“Hey, I’m so fucking nervous” you blurted out, placing your purse on the chair and sitting on the couch by the corner. 

Hwayoung let out a laugh and placed her hands on her desk. “You got this, Y/N. More than anyone” she said. “The people over there are gonna be delighted by this young beautiful and determined woman who won’t let anyone just step over her” 

“You think so?” you asked in a small voice.

“But of course! I believe in you, hell, we in Kim Publishing, we all believe in you”

“Thank you” you sighed. “I’ve had a terrible weekend, I don’t even know how I managed to get everything ready”

“Because you’re the best” Hwayoung simply put. “Wanna tell me what went on?”

“God no. Not worth it” you exhaled. 

Hwayoung gave you a curious look and then nodded. “Alright, I won’t bug you. Just know you can trust me”

You looked at her and smiled. “I know, thanks” you said and blew her a kiss. 

Suddenly, someone came and knocked on the door.

“Come in” Hwayoung called. 

A guy from the reception came in and smiled at the both of you. “Hey, Miss Kim. They’re waiting for Y/N at the meeting room”

“Oh shit” you whispered, earning a giggle from Hwayoung.

“We’ll be right there, thank you” she thanked the guy and smiled at you two, bowing and then leaving. “Let’s go!” she squealed, clapping her hands.

You were so nervous you felt like throwing up. But Hwayoung believed in you, and so did Wooyoung. 

And you didn’t want to let them down. You weren’t going to let Bang Seojun control this place. 

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The presentation went awfully well, which scared you a little bit. You rethought every single thing you said but you couldn't recall anything you had done wrong. 

You waited by the break room for the final results with Wooyoung. 

“I think you nailed it” Wooyoung said with confidence. 

“You don’t know that, you weren’t in there” you chuckled, bumping him with your hip.

“I still know you did well” he shrugged. 

You smiled, it was nice knowing that you had people that had your back. 

“By the way, I didn’t see Felix going in” Wooyoung said with a frown. 

Your heart stopped at the mention of his name. “What- what do you mean?”

“I mean, I’ve been eyeing the door of the meeting room, you know, ‘cause my office is literally in front of it and I didn’t see anyone looking like him going in. Nor anyone calling his name” he told you.

Strange.

“Maybe… there were other meetings? He’s had his earlier?” you started thinking of the possibilities with a frown. 

“Mmm, no, I don’t think so” Wooyoung shook his head, deep in thought. “The only chance we all had to do this presentation for the job was today and there’s only one meeting room, so…” 

You frowned and looked down at your cup of tea.

“And I saw Bang Seojun very angry. He was mumbling nonsense under his breath, banging doors, his eyes almost out of place, he looked nuts” he chuckled. 

You snorted. “When does he not?”

Wooyoung laughed and shook his head. “God, I hope you get that job. We can’t let anyone of Bang Editorials get a spot of power here” he sighed. 

You shook your head in agreement. “Nope, we can’t” you said. “Even if I don’t get this job, I’m still going to be on Hwayoung's side. I’m not about to kiss Seojun’s disgusting ass. Not like others”

Wooyoung frowned and pulled his face back.

“I was clearly talking about Felix, Wooyoung. Not you”

“Oh…” he said, looking extremely relieved. 

The door of the meeting room opened and you startled in your place.

The final verdict was about to be unveiled. 

“Hello everyone, please gather around” one of the ‘judges’ spoke for the other two. “We wanted to announce that our decision has been made, and we’ve selected the new managing director”

You pressed your lips together. 

The woman started naming all of the people that had given the presentation for the job, naming you but… not naming Felix.

What was going on?

“And the new managing director is… Y/N Y/L/N, congratulations Miss!” the woman said and you gasped.

Everyone next to you clapped and you smiled at them, bowing in gratefulness. 

“Thank you” you said to the judges. 

Hwayoung came over and hugged you. “Oh I’m so proud of you, sweetie!” she squealed.

You giggled and hugged the woman back, feeling so grateful that you had someone like her on your team. 

Wooyoung joined the hug, making you two laugh at him. 

When you pulled away, you saw Bang Seojun walking towards you with an angry stare. “Just so you know, you fucked up everything” he spat.

“I beg your pardon?” you frowned, taken aback by his sudden outburst. 

“This spot should’ve been Felix’s!” he said, sounding like a child. “The fact that the little stupid failure of a doctor pulled back from this job just so he could be with you is incredibly- incredibly pathetic”

Hold up, what?

“Excuse me?”

“What you just heard!” he said and twirled on his heel, walking away comically.

You would’ve laughed if you hadn’t been so taken aback about what he just said. 

You looked at Wooyoung who looked just as shocked as you were. 

You had gotten it all wrong.

So wrong. 

“I’m- I’m sorry, I gotta go” you apologised. 

In no time, you raced to the elevator and went to the office you shared with him, but he wasn’t there, which was odd. Felix never skipped a day at work. 

You didn’t see his coat on the hanger, so he hadn’t even come to work.

“Fuck” you whispered to yourself.

⠈⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄

Felix was at his home, typing his work away on his computer, when he heard the doorbell of his home ringing non stop.

He sighed irritatedly. “I’m going!” he yelled, already pissed at the person who was practically stabbing the bell.

He opened it and gasped when he saw you there, wearing a cute frown on your face. 

“Y/N? What are you-”

“Let me in, please” you pleaded.

He choked on his own saliva but quickly nodded. “Um, y-yeah, sure” he said.

You muttered a quiet thank you and ushered inside, taking off your coat, leaving it on the couch and standing on the living room, pacing. 

Felix looked at you and frowned. “So… what’s… what’s up?” he asked, nervously placing his hands inside his jean pockets. 

“Did you drop the spot for the job?” you blurted out.

“yes” he replied. Instantly.

“Why?” 

He cleared his throat. “There are various reasons”

“Tell me everything please” you replied, pleading. 

He nodded, “you might- you might wanna sit down” 

You did as you were told and kept eye contact with him as he did the same, sitting on the opposite couch as yours. 

“I dropped the spot because you wanted it” he started. “You were so invested in it… and at first, so was I. I’m not gonna lie, I wanted the spot. I really did. But then…”

He let out a sigh and combed his hair with his fingers in a nervous manner.

“Then what?”

“Then you and I went to the wedding. Chris’ wedding. And… we talked. You were so afraid of the job coming between us, of thinking that if any of us got the job, our thing would be over. And it made me realise that it was probably true. It could come between us and there was nothing more than I wanted than… be with you. And I still do. I want to be with you. Because I love you. So much, Y/N. There’s not a day that my heart doesn’t beat for you. So I dropped out of the job” he sighed. “Because if getting that damn job was going to drive you away from me… then fuck it, I don’t want it”

By the time he finished, you were crying, fat tears rolling down your cheeks. “And— and that day, at Bang Seojun’s office, what-”

“I was just saying stuff to shut him up. I left my papers that stated that I was out of the job that day” Felix confessed. “And… he was very mad at me” 

“I know” you chuckled, wiping your tears away. “He literally came to my face after they announced that I got the job and started saying: that should’ve been Felix, not you!” you laughed.

“Hold up! You got the job?” Felix asked in a high pitched voice.

Right.

“Oh, shit. Yeah I did” you said.

Felix’s face transformed into the biggest smile you had ever seen coming out of him. His cheeks probably hurt from how much he was smiling and he practically glowed. “Oh my God, baby I’m so happy for you” he said, sitting down next to you and your heart started beating faster. 

You were so happy that you had been wrong. You were so wrong. He was right. You misunderstood everything.

Your face crumbled and you started sobbing. Felix grabbed at your shoulders and caressed them. “Hey… what’s wrong? You should be happy!” 

“I’m sorry” you sobbed and hugged him, throwing your arms around his neck and burying your face in his neck. You knew you didn’t deserve it, but the feeling of his warm skin against yours was so gratifying after such a shitty week.

Felix’s eyes widened, but his arms quickly wrapped around you and pulled you tightly and fiercely against him. 

“Don’t apologise, love” he whispered against your hair as you melted in his arms, hugging him back as tightly as you could. You had missed him so freaking much. 

“Still, I should’ve listened to you” your voice quivered so weakly. 

“No, it’s okay. The good thing is that you got the job, and you’re here with me. That’s all that matters”

You smiled and looked up at him. “I love you, Felix Lee”

He frowned and shook his head. 

You rolled your eyes.

“I love you, Lix”

He smiled and giggled like a little kid, and your heart just doubled its size.

“That’s even better. I love you. So much, my sweet girl” he cooed, framing your face so softly with his hands. 

And then, he kissed you.

And everything was going to be okay, because you loved him and he loved you.

And, hey! You got the job!

Take that, Felix Lee!

-

we're at the end! i hope you've enjoyed this journey as much as i did

𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭: @lattyjiji   @jeonginsleftcheek    @alrm02   @skzjiiiii   @lixies-favorite-cookie    @victoriaaf   @st4rv3lly   @noirvedette   @velvetmoonlght  @hwangjoanna   @chroniclesofskz    @xxhejsanxxx   @nightmarenyxx

i apologise if i can't tag you

[tackykachowch]

OKAY CHAT I DIDN'T INTEND IT TO BE THIS WAY BUT THIS POST IS SUPER-HUGE. Read at your own risk lol

*taps the mic* Uh, welcome to Chili's. So, I mustered up the courage to finally make a post about how I view Silco and Jinx's relationship and why I think it is actually a lot better than it's commonly perceived. Please please please do not assume that I do this to specifically whitewash Silco or make him less morally gray, this is my genuine read on them based on my own experience and views. I do not claim that I don't have any bias at all, but I think that it didn't influence my opinion that much.

I am going to say this from the start: I don't have much negative to say about them and I don't think of their relationship as toxic. If this point of view is unacceptable to you, please disregard this post. However, if you want to discuss this topic with me and challenge my points, please be civil about it and don't insult me. I don't have any ill intentions, nor am I trying to normalize unhealthy behavior.

Okay, from this preamble to another. This analysis is going to be based entirely on season 1 and nothing else. Some of my points will address common perceptions about them in the fandom, some I'll write as a regular analysis.

Now let's start shall we (yes, this is going to be a one long post because they're so so important to me). In the second paragraph I said that I don't view their relationship as toxic. Let me explain. I think this is a very complex topic and opinions will vary from person to person. Considering that both Silco and Jinx are mentally ill this adds another layer to our already complicated cake. So, for me toxic relationships are those where at least one person almost always behaves in the way they see is right, disregarding other person's wants or needs. It also must include unhealthy/toxic behaviors, i. e. manipulation, gaslighting, possessiveness, control over other person's decisions, physical and/or emotional abuse etc etc. These behaviors must be routinely occurrences and not happen only once or twice. You can say: "But a lot of things you listed exactly describe how Silco behaves towards Jinx!" well. No but I'll get to this later.

There's also an elephant in the room we need to deal with: codependency. Now, I don't claim to be an expert on the topic or even well-informed, but I have a feeling that this term is a Bit overused. Terms, especially medical ones, are very useful for describing one specific thing. But as of late a lot of terms are used on things that are not. Well. The thing the term is describing. You don't need to go far for examples: hyperfixation, depression, panic attack, etc. When knowledge becomes widespread, things like that are inevitable, unfortunately. But back to the topic. Are Jinx and Silco's relationship codependent? I personally don't think so. One of the key characteristics of a codependent relationship is losing a sense of self and disregarding your wants/needs, and Jinx and Silco never display that. They are very self-driven characters. And while Jinx did do some things to impress Silco, it's not necessarily a symptom of a codependent relationship specifically. Again, I'll compare it to medical symptoms. If your right side hurts it doesn't mean you have appendicitis, if you have a short attention span it doesn't mean you have ADHD. Mental health problems Jinx and Silco have can be just that: mental health problems. Trust issues, low self-esteem, fear of abandonment, etc. They don't need to be a part of a bigger problem, even if there are some similarities. (Also just a side note: I got misdiagnosed with OCD this year, so I take correct descriptions and understanding of conditions/words very personally).

MAN THAT WAS TOO LONG. GET TO THE ACTUAL POINTS.

Alright. So first of all, Jinx and Silco are VERY trusting of each other. They both allow each other to enter their personal spaces, and feel comfortable and free in each other's presence. Silco allows Jinx to do his eye injections, to show him physical affection, he also trusts her with missions for his job, even when everyone else is against it. When Jinx in ep4 tells him that "(her screw up) won't happen again", he simply answers "I know". Despite Jinx's own insecurities Silco fully trusts her (sometimes even to his own detriment). And she fully trusts him as well (until the whole Vi shenanigans anyway), what can be seen in a way she's not afraid of his emotions or even to hurt him, because she knows perfectly well that he'll never harm her in any way (physical, I mean). And although there is a clear miscommunication between them in ep4 I don't think it's a common thing between them, and this specific case was caused by Jinx's deeply rooted trauma and low self-esteem, which Silco is unfortunately unable to fix.

Now onto the probably most common criticism of Silco specifically: that he made Jinx his weapon and raised her to be this bloodthirsty on purpose. And to this I say - no way. Silco DOES love Jinx and DOES trust her, but he's not blind and not an idiot. He perfectly knows that Jinx can cause a huge mess and potential troubles on the missions, his subordinates hate her, her mental state is unstable and therefore she's not the most reliable asset in the slightest, nor a necessary one. At no point do we get actual proof that Silco needs Jinx specifically for his operations, he seems to allow her to participate in them out of her own volition. After all, she does like being needed and included in the family business. You could argue that he needs Jinx for her gadgets and weapons, but nobody besides her uses them, so this option doesn't fit. "But he did request her to build Fishbones!" yeah. After Jinx stole the gemstone, again, out of her own choice. Silco is a swift strategist, if he sees an opportunity somewhere he takes it immediately. So there's nothing actually wrong with him asking Jinx to build a weapon with the use of gemstone. She didn't steal it for it to just. Lie there, after all. As to her bloodthirsty-ness I think he only nurtured what was already there. If you remember, in the very first episode Jinx made a bomb with NAILS in it. I don't think I need to tell you that it's just a horrible idea for a bomb, and she was only 9 at the time. As to Silco's "become what they fear" line. I don't think it indicates that he specifically raised Jinx to be a weapon, because he applied the same phrase to himself and we don't see him running around throwing glitter bombs at everyone (although it would've been cool to see ngl).

Next - Silco is very supportive of Jinx. His office is filled with things she drew all over, her inventions are tied to the ceiling. When Jinx is overwhelmed and upset about the failed mission he tells her to "focus on her gadgetry" and to "take some time". He clearly knows what she likes and what would put her in a better mood. He also doesn't restrict her self-expression, which can be seen in the way Jinx looks. I mean, you'd think that Silco would probably want for her to wear something more...classy? But he doesn't mind even one bit.

Another point I see a lot - that Silco loves Jinx but not Powder. I actually kiiinda understand where this point of view comes from, because the show does frame Vi and Silco as representatives of her Powder and Jinx persona respectively, but I don't think the text itself supports this. Let's take the river scene because it is the cause of this discussion in the first place after all. Silco tells Jinx that she needs "to let Powder die" and that "Jinx is perfect", but I don't necessarily agree that he meant it in a "choose between two of your personas" kind of way, because this conflict never existed between them in the first place. Vi does want "Powder" to come back, but Silco didn't show anything that would indicate of him disliking young Jinx in any way. He did adopt her when she was still Powder, after all. And even if she changed her name on the same night, her personality didn't, because that's not how humans work. So, he NEEDED to love Powder to raise her. Back to the river scene, he tells Jinx that she needs to let Powder die so "the fear of pain would no longer control (her)". "Powder" is tightly connected to Jinx's trauma of killing her entire family and Vi leaving her, i. e. the fear of pain of being betrayed again and the fear of messing up. In terms of psychology she really does need to live through this moment and properly process it, but unfortunately there's no psychologists in neither Piltover or Zaun, and Silco being mentally ill and not knowing better himself can only help her this way. "Jinx is perfect" also doesn't mean that he prefers Jinx over Powder, but rather "Jinx, the person you are right now, is perfect and strong. You need to let that weak part of you (Powder) die, so you can move on and become something greater". Jinx might've interpreted his line in the wrong way herself, but again, there's no actual evidence of Silco liking "Powder" less and only ever wanting "Jinx". And if we hop further into the finale, he literally says "YOU are perfect". Whatever seat she chooses, she will always be perfect to him. Even if she turns against him and everything he fights for, even if she kills him, even if she hates him, she remains perfect in his eyes. He might differentiate "Powder" and "Jinx" and a weaker/stronger part of her, but despite all that she's still his daughter.

Also. He's dealing with her mental health SOOOO great chat it's not even funny. I mean obviously he can't take care of it perfectly because again, psychology is non-existent in this world, but everything he CAN do he does just sooo good. He never lets other people berate or insult her, if he scolds her he only ever does this in private, he always tries to be patient and gentle with her, and the only time we seem him lash out at her is after Jinx stole the gemstone. He also seems to know what causes her psychosis and how to stop it, because he yells "Don't listen to her!" to Jinx when Vi triggers her, and then proceeds to try and shoot in Vi's direction to shut her up. We now know that this wasn't the best decision at all, but he literally goes feral when Jinx is hurt, so can you really blame him? There is of course an issue of him enabling her violence and letting her do everything she wants, but to cut Silco some slack he deals with a very mentally ill child, and as we saw in ep3 cutting Jinx off of something can easily cause her to have a mental breakdown. So I think partly his enabling was caused by his want not to hurt her.

Phew. I think we only need to get through the minor points now.

Manipulation: we only ever see Silco manipulate Jinx once, when he lied to her about Cait and Vi's reason for being in the Underground. Nothing indicates that he regularly manipulated her before.

Possessivness: I think this claim also doesn't have substantial evidence to back it up. We only see Silco being possessive of Jinx because of Vi, and even then it's not pure possessiveness. He literally doesn't want Jinx to be betrayed and possibly even killed like him. I think if Jinx just wanted to leave him on her own he would be a-okay with that. Also he doesn't watch over what she does/where she goes, which again reinforces his trust in her and him respecting her privacy.

Silco isolated Jinx from others: uhhh. See the end of the previous paragraph. If Jinx wanted to befriend someone she could've easily done that, and Silco wouldn't even know. The only person she couldn't befriend because of him is Ekko, but even he says to Vi that Jinx chose to be on Silco's side herself, so *shrugs*

And with that, I think I covered everything I wanted about their relationship. It's not perfect, but it's not bad either. Personally, I don't want to label it as anything, because minus the drug mafia and murders aspects they're just a regular father and daughter. There are no perfect parents, there are no perfect children, but if they try their hardest to love each other in a way they're both happy with, they're great in my book.

[wonysugar]

angel | jang wonyoung

synopsis : she was convinced everything you did was to seduce her.

pairing : wonyoung x 6thmember!femreader

genre : smut

tags : noncon, degradation, manipulation, gaslighting, objectification, wonyoung is genuinely a creep, blood mentioned, scratching, physical and verbal abuse, choking, slight mentions of tribbing, fingering, slight nipple play, just plain suffering tbh, death threats, ‘good girl’, ‘slut’

!! warnings : this is like. PURE noncon so please please please read with caution and please for the love of god read the tags before continuing :(( !!

word count : 2.1k

a/n : okay i know i made the poll yesterday and all but look i had ideas and here they are I HOPE YOU LIKE IT this was so interesting to write cause this is SOOOO OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE AND LIKE?? idk it was a nice experience i hope you like itfkendn

also you know the drill THIS IS NOT OKAY NOR IS IT HEALTHY DON’T DO THIS IRL BITCHES CONSENT IS KEY YALL😭🙏🙏do not give tea to someone who doesn’t want tea CAUSE THEY DON’T WANT ITT IT’S SIMPLE

god, finally.

you sat on the corner of your mattress, still carefully drying your wet dripping hair with the fluffy towel that belonged to you. after a shower like that? you felt refreshed, you felt good and oh did you feel so ready to just pass out on your bed at that moment. that was until you remembered that you couldn’t; since you had to wait for wonyoung, your dorm mate, to come back from the mall with yujin— or, wherever the hell they were at this hour. her dumbass forgot to bring the keys with her, so you’d have to stay awake to be able to open the door for her.

grabbing your phone, you checked the time. it read 12:37 am, which then lead you to text her, very politely yelling at her through SMS to hurry the fuck home before turning it off again and plugging in the charger. 

what a hassle, you thought, groaning. you were fucking exhausted and were practically dying to get some amount of rest, especially after such a long day of non-ending schedules.

mentally sucking it up and shrugging it off, you put the towel aside and laid down on your back, grabbing your phone yet again as an attempt to cure the ongrowing boredom and impatience inside you; maybe instagram reels would make the time go by faster.

indeed, before you knew it, you were startled by a quiet knock at the door. feeling immediate relief, you quickly got up and rushed to open it, already thinking about the amazing night of sleep you were gonna get afterwards.

“any second later and i would’ve left you outside, wonyoung.” you complained as soon as you turned the knob, immediately greeted by her face. you particularly noticed her expression switch to one of slight guilt as she giggled nervously.

you also observed how she stared at you, as per usual.

“sorry, angel.” she apologized, looking up and down at your entire body, seemingly distraught by the sight of your naked thighs, before walking in and continuing. “we just got so caught up in conversation that we ended up just walking around for hours, i hope i didn’t keep you waiting for too long, though.” she scratched the back of her neck, still staring at you, this time more so focused on your chest.

here’s the thing, you loved wonyoung. she was one of your closest friends, that was undeniable. but for some reason, sometimes whenever you’d talk to her.. she’d have a certain look. the same look that she’d give you whenever you’re wearing a somewhat revealing outfit, or doing quite literally anything, for that matter. it always made you feel uneasy, it made your skin crawl. you’d never tell her, though; she was a sweetheart, and you knew that her last intention would be to ever make you uncomfortable. 

right now was one of those moments, though, and her staring was getting overwhelming.

more overwhelming than usual.

subtly trying to brush it off, you responded, “it’s— it’s fine. just, please bring the keys next time?” 

she simply nodded before apologizing again, clearly aware of her mistake and swearing to never commit it again. that gave you the permission you needed to finally get ready for bed. whilst you were doing that, she was changing into her comfier clothes and also getting ready to sleep as she threw occasional warm smiles at you. 

until she squinted at you.

“man, you look pretty tired, y/n. did you sleep early yesterday?” she asked with a worried tone, afraid that you maybe weren’t getting enough sleep. 

you waved your hand around, “yeah, i did. today just wore me the fuck out really, but oh well.” you cut the conversation short, heading straight towards your bed. “goodnight wonyoung—“ but before you could do so, you felt her hand grab your wrist.

tightly.

“wait but— don’t you wanna cuddle like we usually do?” she asked, her mouth formed into a small pout.

and there went that stare. again.

“wony i’m sorry, i’m really tired and—“

“come on, please. i missed you.” she insisted, her grip on your wrist getting tighter as she kept her unsettling gaze on yours. 

your tired brain didn’t seem to register that, however, since you didn't even think about saying no.

i mean, she seemed pretty insistent on cuddling that night, so who were you to even say no? either way, you were gonna fall asleep immediately, so did it really matter if she was cuddling you or not?

you groaned dramatically, then signaled for her to lay on the other side of the bed. her eyes immediately lighting up, she rushed to jump on that side of the bed.

it didn’t take long at all for you guys to finally be settled in bed and you particularly thrived in finally feeling the warmth of your weighted blanket against your cold skin. she, on the other hand, just seemed to be happy to be there with you, considering the grip she had on you was quite strong for like, literally no reason. 

after telling each other goodnight, you expected to doze off immediately, but you couldn’t. you felt bizarre, you didn’t feel like yourself at that moment. every single ounce of exhaustion left your body and it was like insomnia just kicked in for no reason whatsoever.

frustrated, you tried to sleep. that’s when you heard her breathing heavily… very heavily. her inhales and exhales were loud and violent and you felt them on your neck, since she was especially close to it. you would’ve shrugged it off, 

if you didn’t feel her hands moving a lot more than usual.

“wonyoung?”

you felt her shift before hearing her hum, indicating you to keep going.

“you feeling okay? you’re.. you’re breathing quite heavily.” was what you asked, somewhat concerned. “plus, you’re like, grabbing me—“ 

“sorry.” she responded immediately, “you just— you smell good, is all. i saw your hair was wet, you took a shower, right? you used the body lotion i gave you, right?” 

you nodded reluctantly, somewhat weirded out by her behavior tonight, to which she hummed again.

“i knew you’d like it, it’s so soft and sweet,” she leaned in closer to your neck, sniffing it closer, “just like you, angel.” 

what the fuck was actually wrong with her that night??

getting even more weirded out with each second that passed, you were about to let out a hesitant ‘thanks’ but got cut off by the sensation of her slowly sliding her hand up your pajama shirt as she kept sniffing you.

woah.

woah woah woah???

“wonyoung— what the fuck—“ 

“you smell so fucking good baby. fuck— so good. you used that body lotion just so i would notice, hm? i know you did.” she whispered into your ear, smelling your hair in the process as her other hand went down to your crotch.

triggering your fight or flight, you tried pushing her off of you slightly, but she simply wouldn’t budge. 

wonyoung had always been taller than you by a long shot, she towered over you easily.

your own breathing getting heavier, you were starting to get progressively worried. why was she keeping you in place, why was she smelling you like this?? why the fuck was she acting weird??? 

“wonyoung get off of me—“ 

“god your smell.” 

she just kept mumbling that same sentence as she sniffed you all over, gently putting her hand on your neck to keep you secure, making you squirm under her whilst you’re trying to break free from her tight grasp.

in a state of panic, “you’re scaring me wony stop it please—“ 

“stop moving or i swear to god i’ll fucking kill you.” was all she said back, it was dark, but not dark enough to where you couldn’t see her staring at you with that look again. you were shaking by this point, but you obeyed. you stopped moving, in fear of what she was actually going to do to you.

“look at you, being a fucking slut and putting on the body lotion i gave you, always wearing these outfits around me, and you seriously expect me not to do this shit? god, you probably sounded so good washing up too—” she rubbed your inners thighs with her free hand before adding on, 

“what do you want me to do when your ass is out in front of me all the time, y/n? i tried to be nice and do it only when you’re sleeping, but answering the door at midnight in booty shorts and tshirt this tight? baby, you’re asking me to fuck you.” her hand still reaching down to your thighs and squeezing them, hard enough for her acrylic nails to dig in slightly as you winced in pain.

you tried speaking up, but words wouldn’t come out. 

you could only stare at her, tears quickly welling up your eyes. 

“oh angel, don’t cry..” she pouted, quickly taking that same hand she used to hurt you and wiping your tears with it. you could only flinch “i’m so sorry baby, i— i just can’t help it. you look so good and smell so good and—“ she slid her hand up your shirt and quickly went under your bra, playing with the nipple for a few moments almost immediately as she breathed in more of your pheromones before exhaling sharply yet again. “fuck y/n your tits—“ 

“—i’ll be quick, okay? i promise it’ll be fine, i’ll be sooo quick.”

wonyoung very quickly slid her hand back down your crotch as she forcefully kissed you, tightening her grip on your neck whenever you weren’t giving her enough tongue. “come on baby, work for it, i know you want this.” 

you didn’t. you didn’t want it.

her fingers slipping under your shorts and onto your panties, she rubbed circles around your wet clit through the fabric of them, closing her eyes in euphoria when she heard your choked up moan.

“shit.. look at you, being all wet for me. i knew you’ve always wanted me to do this to you. hm? come on, say it.” 

“l-let go off me—“ 

her nails dug into your neck once more, making you whimper. “shut. the fuck. up.” she whispered, “i guess bitches like you shouldn’t be allowed to speak up, huh. that’s fine, we’ll have you be a stupid puppy instead, okay? you can do that, right?” 

you only cried out in front of her, clit still being stimulated from her long and cold fingers. her disturbing gaze piercing through yours, her pretty face exhibiting the ugliest thoughts she had about you. 

“i said, nod, bitch.”

and so, you nodded. eagerly, at that. of course you did, with the amount of strength this girl was putting on her grip, you needed to obey her every word.

even if you had abundant tears rolling down your face.

“you’re so pretty like this.” she breathed out, before kissing you then pulling back away, “you’re getting me so fucking wet y/n.” 

then, she gradually reaches into your underwear and puts her hands on your naked cunt, rubbing the slit and feeling how wet it is. in response to that, she laughed. 

she laughed in your face.

but before you could even process anything, however, she already had two of her fingers buried deep inside your pussy, already curling in all of the right places.

and that’s when you remembered the fact that she had acrylic nails on. 

“w-wonyoung— take them out take them out it h-hurts wonyoung it hurts p-please—“

“i don’t give a shit. you’re gonna be a good fucking girl and take it. you know what’ll happen if you don’t, don’t you?”

she pumped and curled her fingers in and out, watching you as your facial expressions changed with each movement she made, smiling and mocking you.

and that went for what felt like hours. 

until she decided she had enough of you crying and begging for her to stop. she believed that it was, in her words, ‘her turn to feel good’ now.

so she took off her own clothes and rubbed her dripping pussy onto your own, her hand digging into your neck if you moved in a way she didn’t like. 

her words rang in your head, things like “y-you’re so fucking selfish y/n, it’s usually so much better, whenever you’re sound a-asleep peacefully— oh my god.”

it didn’t take long for her to cum, since seeing you sob so prettily made her so unbelievably aroused. and when she did, she just went back to cuddling you. as if you weren’t bleeding from your nose, thighs and neck. as if you weren’t in pain, she just went back to cuddling you.

and you just had to silently cry in her arms. those were the only ones you could do that in at that moment.

[itaehynz]

TAKE A BITE ⋆ ˚ ࿔

pairing: choi soobin x reader.

genre: angst, bittersweet.

word count: 3.019k words.

warnings: semi-forced proximity, the following are mentioned; cheating, gaslighting, emotional manipulation, mental health struggles // profanity, unresolved tension, crying, bittersweet ending.

synopsis: all you ever wanted was love but once you got it, it wasn’t good to you. one person ruined your perception of love, let you go and the both of you moved on—you think. but somehow, you end up crossing paths, for the last and final time.

ni’s notes: i’m finally back! i’m so sorry for taking so long with this work but i’m glad to be able to share this with you guys! happy reading. 💕

The morning sun crept through the edges of your curtains, the soft glow dragging you out of a dream you couldn’t remember. You blinked slowly, then rolled onto your side, arm brushing the cold half of the bed beside you. It was quiet—no city noise, no roommate, just the low hum of your fan spinning lazily overhead.

For a moment, you just laid there, watching the ceiling, not thinking of anything in particular. Then the familiar tug of loneliness swept in like clockwork. You shook it off. It was just another Saturday. Nothing special.

You sat up, stretched until your back cracked, and trudged into the kitchen. The coffee machine gurgled to life, filling the apartment with the smell of bitter grounds. You scrolled mindlessly through your phone as the machine whirred, pausing when a notification from Yeonjun popped up in your texts.

yeonjun: call me when ur awake!!!!

You glanced at the time and winced. He’d probably been up for hours. You poured your coffee, added too much creamer, then dialed. It only rang once.

“Fucking FINALLY!” Yeonjun practically yelled into your ear. “I was starting to think you died or some shit.”

“Good morning to you too,” you muttered, sipping your coffee as you leaned against the counter. “What’s with the all-caps urgency?”

He huffed dramatically. “You forgot what today is, didn’t you?”

You blinked. “Uh… Saturday?”

“Try again.”

“…Laundry day?”

“Y/N.”

You rubbed your forehead, then it hit you. “Oh god. Your birthday.”

“Yup. I’m not even mad. Just disappointed.”

You groaned, sliding down into a chair. “I didn’t forget. I just… forgot this morning. But I got your gift. It’s all wrapped and ready, okay?”

“Okay, forgiven. Barely. But hey, that’s not even why I called.” He paused. “I’m throwing a little party at Beomgyu’s place tonight. Super casual. No pressure—but I’ll cry if you don’t show up.”

You smirked. “Guilt-tripping on your birthday? Very classy, Jun.”

“I learned from the best. Just come, alright? I miss you. Everyone does.”

You hesitated, your finger tracing the rim of your mug. “Yeah, right. I’ve been busy.”

“Too busy for me?” Yeonjun asked quietly, and something about his voice made your chest ache.

You sighed. “No. Not that busy. I’ll be there.”

He let out a cheer that made you wince again. “Dress nice. Eat first. We’re doing cake at ten!”

You smiled, genuinely this time. “Got it. See you tonight.”

You hung up, placing your phone on the counter, and sat in silence for a beat.

Yeonjun’s birthday. That meant everyone would be there. Probably including Soobin.

Your stomach clenched before you could stop it.

You didn’t even know if he’d show. Maybe he wouldn’t. But if he did—what then? What would you say? What would you do?

You shook your head quickly, standing up. You weren’t going to ruin the night over someone who wasn’t even yours anymore. You were fine. You are fine.

You took your time getting ready. Took a long, hot shower. Stared at your closet for twenty minutes before settling on something that made you feel confident—but not like you were trying too hard. Not for anyone.

You curled your hair loosely, added light makeup, and paused when you caught your reflection. You looked good. Strong. Put together. Like someone who wasn’t unraveling at the thought of possibly seeing her ex for the first time in months.

You grabbed Yeonjun’s present—an inside joke wrapped in shiny blue paper—and left before you could think twice.

-

The air inside the apartment was thick with laughter and the clinking of glasses as Yeonjun’s birthday party raged on. The music pulsed through the walls, and the group of friends filled the room with their cheerful chatter. You tried to block out the noise, smiling in polite distraction as you sipped your drink, pretending to enjoy the festivities. This was supposed to be a good night, wasn’t it?

It had been two years since you’d last seen him. Two long years. The last time you laid eyes on Soobin, your world had shattered into pieces. The last time you spoke, the words that were exchanged burned—because they were laced with truth.

You were over him now, or so you thought. Time had passed, and though the memories still haunted you, you’d rebuilt yourself. Or so you’d like to think.

But there was one thing you hadn’t anticipated: the possibility of running into him tonight. At Yeonjun’s birthday party of all places.

You should’ve known. Yeonjun and Soobin had been friends long before you ever got involved with him. You knew that Yeonjun would invite him. He was kind like that—inviting any and everybody who mattered to him. But you hadn’t expected it, hadn’t realized that this mutual friend would lead you straight into the one thing you tried so hard to forget.

And there he was, standing near the door, smiling as he greeted some of Yeonjun’s friends. His voice was the same, his laugh even more familiar. But the way his eyes scanned the room—a trace of recognition settling on you when they landed—made your heart twist in a way you hadn’t expected.

You should have walked away. You should have left, told Yeonjun you weren’t feeling well and retreated to your apartment, back to your safe space where your broken heart wouldn’t have to face its past. But you stayed. You didn’t know why. Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was that part of you that wanted closure—the part that had been yearning to just know why.

As the night carried on, you could feel Soobin’s presence like a weight in the room, his eyes trailing you. It was impossible to avoid him. And finally, out of the corner of your eye, you saw him move. Soobin, standing by the drinks table, seemingly deep in conversation with someone else. But something in his posture, the way he seemed to shift just a little too often in your direction, told you he was still aware of your presence.

Your pulse quickened. You couldn’t avoid this forever, could you? The thought of facing him, confronting the mess that had once been your relationship, made your stomach churn.

You told yourself it didn’t matter. You were over it. Over him. But the ache that settled in your chest, the sharp pang of nostalgia and grief, was enough to make you question that certainty.

“Hey,” Yeonjun suddenly appeared beside you, his wide grin breaking through your thoughts. “You okay? You were kinda zoning out there.”

“Yeah,” you forced a smile. “I’m just… tired. It’s been a long week.”

Yeonjun raised an eyebrow but didn’t press. He seemed to sense that something was off, but like any good friend, he respected your need for space. “Alright, well, if you need anything, just let me know. I’m gonna grab another drink. Wanna come?”

“Sure, yeah,” you lied, hoping the excuse would give you a moment to breathe.

As the two of you made your way to the bar, you could feel Soobin’s eyes following you, even though you dared not look back. The sensation was almost suffocating.

Yeonjun and you continued to chat, but your mind was elsewhere. A few minutes later, you both returned to the party, where the conversation grew louder, and the atmosphere more chaotic. It felt like everyone had forgotten the real weight of the night—the uncomfortable tension that existed in the space between you and Soobin.

But it wasn’t until later in the evening that things took a turn.

You were standing near the back of the apartment, scrolling mindlessly through your phone, trying to get away from all of the noise, when someone suddenly appeared beside you.

“So,” his voice, low and hesitant, sent a jolt through your body. “We’re not really going to pretend like we don’t see each other, are we?”

Your breath hitched. Soobin.

You refused to look up, even as his presence loomed beside you, impossibly close. The room felt smaller with him near you, and your heart was pounding in your chest. The last thing you wanted was to have this conversation—not now, not here, with so many eyes around. But his voice—his tone—was quiet, intimate. And you knew, deep down, that you couldn’t keep avoiding him forever.

“I didn’t think you’d still be around,” you replied, voice colder than you intended, as you finally allowed yourself to glance at him. Your gaze quickly darted away, but not before noticing the subtle changes in his features. He looked… different. Tired. Like he’d been through more than you had ever imagined.

“I didn’t think you’d be here,” he said, his voice strained. “But here we are.”

Silence hung thick between you, the weight of your shared past settling over you like a thick fog. You wanted to say something, anything, but the words felt too heavy. The memories, the pain, the raw emotion you had buried so deep inside—was it possible for him to feel it too?

“I didn’t expect to see you again,” you whispered, barely audible. “Not like this.”

“So, what? You don’t want to talk?” Soobin’s voice cracked, and you noticed the way his hand clenched at his side. You had never seen him so vulnerable, so unsure. “You don’t even want to know why?”

The air in the room felt suffocating, pressing in on you as you fought to keep your composure.

“I don’t think there’s anything left to say, Soobin,” you managed, forcing the words out despite the lump in your throat. “You said everything when you left.”

He flinched, the expression on his face crumbling. “I know,” he whispered. “I know what I did to you… and I hate myself for it.”

You shook your head, a bitter laugh escaping your lips. “Hating yourself doesn’t fix anything.”

There was a long pause before he spoke again. “I never wanted to hurt you, Y/N. You have to know that.”

“You never wanted to hurt me?” you repeated, the anger building in your chest. “You didn’t want to hurt me? Then why did you cheat? Why did you lie to me?” Your voice grew louder, more desperate, as the emotions you’d buried for so long surged to the surface.

Soobin looked away, his face contorting with regret. “I was stupid,” he said quietly. “I thought I could keep both—”

“Both?” you cut him off, your voice sharp. “You thought you could keep both? You couldn’t even keep one, Soobin. You couldn’t keep me.”

The room seemed to grow quieter, the sounds of the party fading into the background as you both stood there, locked in an invisible battle. Every word that left your mouth felt like a stab, but you couldn’t stop yourself. It was like everything you’d been holding in for the past two years was pouring out all at once.

After a few beats, Soobin took a deep breath and met your eyes. The look in his eyes was one of helplessness, and you could see it—the guilt. The same guilt that had once been a constant in his eyes when he realized he had broken you.

“I don’t expect you to forgive me,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness. But I need you to know that I never stopped caring about you. I never stopped loving you.”

Tears welled up in your eyes, and for a moment, you couldn’t breathe. How many times had you wondered if he ever thought about you? If he regretted it? If he had moved on and forgotten about you? And now, here he was, saying the words you never thought you’d hear.

“You think that makes it better?” You took a step back, fighting the sob that threatened to escape from your throat. “You think that after everything, you can just say that and make it go away? You broke me, Soobin. You ruined everything.”

His face twisted in pain, and he reached for you, but you took another step back, your hand held up to stop him. “Don’t.”

The moment stretched on, the weight of his words hanging between you like a heavy shroud. Neither of you spoke for what felt like an eternity, both of you grappling with your emotions. The silence was deafening.

“I can’t do this,” you said, your voice barely a whisper. “I can’t forgive you. Not now. Not ever.”

Soobin flinched like you’d struck him, but you weren’t done. You couldn’t be. Not after everything.

Your voice shook as you continued, like every syllable weighed a hundred pounds. “Do you even understand what you did to me?”

Soobin blinked, guilt written all over his face. But he stayed quiet. Maybe because he knew there was nothing he could say to fix it. Maybe because he knew you needed this more than he needed to be defended.

“I loved you,” you said, your voice rising, raw and trembling. “God, I loved you so much it made me look stupid. I defended you when my friends told me something felt off. I waited for your texts that never came, accepted your excuses, ignored every single red flag. Because I wanted to believe you loved me too. That you were just… going through something.”

Your chest heaved with the weight of memories. “But you weren’t going through anything, Soobin. You were just slipping away. And the worst part is—I felt it. I knew. Every time you avoided my eyes, every time you pulled your hand away from mine. I felt it in my bones, but I didn’t want it to be true.”

You gave a broken laugh, one that didn’t carry any real amusement. “I remember crying in your apartment once, begging you to tell me what was wrong. And you just… kissed my forehead and told me I was imagining things. That everything was fine. Do you remember that?”

He nodded, tears now clinging to his lashes. “I remember.”

“I went home that night thinking I was insane. That I was crazy for not trusting you. Do you know what that does to a person?” you asked, voice cracking. “To be gaslit into believing you’re the problem? That your own intuition is wrong?”

Your hands trembled at your sides, and the tears you’d tried to hold back finally spilled. “You shattered my self-worth, Soobin. You made me feel unlovable. Replaceable.”

He looked like he was about to say something, but you didn’t give him the chance.

“I would have given you everything,” you said, softer now, voice frayed at the edges. “And you gave me doubt. You gave me anxiety. You gave me her. Whoever she was—whoever you chose over me—I hope she was worth it.”

He looked down, shame pressing into his shoulders like an anchor.

“I’m not saying this because I want you to feel bad,” you added, quieter, breathless. “I’m saying it because I carried it alone for so long. I blamed myself for your choices. I internalized everything—my looks, my voice, my worth. I spent months trying to figure out how to become someone you wouldn’t leave. Someone you wouldn’t cheat on.”

You stepped back, needing space from the thick, suffocating air between you. “But now I know better. I know it wasn’t about me. You didn’t cheat because I wasn’t enough—you cheated because you didn’t see enough in me. And I can’t keep bleeding over that.”

Soobin looked up at you then, face damp with tears. “I was scared,” he croaked. “Of how much I loved you. Of how serious we were getting. And I messed up. I messed up so badly. And I think about it every single day.”

You let the silence stretch this time. Let him sit in it. Let him feel it.

“I used to hope you did,” you whispered. “That maybe somewhere in your perfect, post-me life, you’d lie awake at night and remember the look on my face when I found out. That maybe guilt would keep you company the way grief kept me.”

He winced.

“But I don’t hope for that anymore,” you continued, wiping your tears away. “Because hoping you suffer doesn’t bring me peace. It doesn’t undo what you did. It doesn’t give me back the version of myself who trusted people blindly. Who loved with her whole chest and didn’t second-guess it.”

Soobin’s expression cracked. “I’m so sorry.”

You nodded, not out of acceptance—but acknowledgement. “I know you are. But sorry doesn’t rewind time. It doesn’t fix the way I flinch when someone’s phone buzzes late at night. Or the way I shut down when things start to feel good again.”

A tear rolled down your cheek. “You taught me that love isn’t safe. That it ends without warning. That even the person who holds you at night can destroy you by morning.”

Soobin covered his mouth, breaking, but you didn’t go to him. You didn’t reach out. That part of you—the one that used to hold him together—was buried now. And you weren’t digging it back up.

“I can’t forgive you,” you repeated, but it came out softer this time. Not bitter. Just tired. “Because forgiveness would mean reopening the wound. And it’s finally starting to heal.”

You looked around the room, at the faint sound of music still playing from down the hall, at the people laughing, unaware of the war being fought in this quiet corner of Yeonjun’s apartment. And you knew—this was the last time you’d ever speak like this.

“I hope you find someone who makes you better,” you said finally. “And I hope you don’t hurt them the way you hurt me.”

Soobin opened his mouth, maybe to beg, maybe to apologize again—but you didn’t let him. You stepped away from him, out of his reach.

“You already got enough of me,” you said, voice steady now. “You don’t get to have my peace too.”

You turned toward the door, each step feeling like it took every ounce of strength you had left.

And this time, you left first.

© 2025 iTAEHYNZ.

taglist: @boba-beom, @kiokantalope, @gardnhee, @n0-thisispatrick, @hyukafied, @hyunimylove, @luvsoobs, @choiwrld, @tyunkus, @belovedxiao, @h00nerz . . .

[pineconepie]

how about series 1 yandads react to reader already having a father with a loving relationship?

"you have to leave me alone.. I gotta to take care of my old man"

OOooh, good question!

Octavian would react with genuine empathy, but that's mostly it.

"Ohh, sweetheart, I'm so sorry to hear that you need to go back home... I wish there was something I could do :("

"You could let me go??"

"No ❤️"

.

Vincent would try his hardest to just spoil you 2x as much, in hopes you'll forget about him and realize you could have everything with him as your new dad!

If that doesn't work, he'll pay for some people to care for him if he needed you for that, being like, "see? now that he's cared for, you have no reason to go back!! <3" If that still doesn't work, he'll get a taad bit annoyed whenever you mention him, but he believes it is what is for the best.

.

Indigo unintentionally tries to manipulate you. "So... you're telling me that you hate me?? Why would you choose someone else over me? I bet he doesn't hunt fish for you.....or give you cuddles in the nest...." *sulks in the corner for a few minutes before going back to normal*

.

Magnus laughs, like you're joking, until realizing you're being serious. "Little one, you don't need the rest of those humans, including him. Don't think about him for too long, this is your new home now. I'm your father now. Not him." Will get visibly upset the longer you keep mentioning him.

.

Seradiel would feel beyond jealous, though having watched you grow up, he also knows what your father is like, too. Depending if he raised you decently, he'd understand and let you do what you need to, though he'd make it obvious he isn't thrilled by it.

.

Warren would also laugh, like you're joking, and then gaslight you. "Oh, silly... you can barely take care of yourself, let alone another person! He understands. I explained you'll be here for a long while." If you mention it more, he'll also get pretty annoyed.

[puriiinz]

POSTED | smau abby a.

V; THE CHASE

a/n: the updates might still be inconsistent (again, because of my country's situation) but i'm trying to get back on track!!

contains: cursing, mean jokes, yn gaslighting herself, lesbians...

masterlist | next

yn wasn't thinking about abby's tweet- no, about abby. at all. there was no reason to. it (she) wasn't bouncing around yn's head like a curse. it (she) wasn't making yn question everything from their grocery store interaction to her entire life.

nope. yn was fine.

which is why, when yn walked into ellie's apartment for the (last minute) video shoot, she was definitely not looking at abby out of the corner of her eye. she was aware abby would be there, dina had texted her, saying they would "find who abby was tweeting about."

and yn was definitely not noticing how she looked annoyingly good in a hoodie and sweats, leaning back on ellie's couch like she had nothing to worry about. yn didn't care. abby was just messing with her, because apparently abby thinks she's sooo funny. but abby could think whatever she wanted, she wasn't yn's problem.

the game was.

after setting up the lights and camera, they decided on dina reading the questions. ellie, yn, and abby were competing.

the video had started out fine. yn was focused, ellie was yelling out her intro, and abby was grinning like an asshole. yn told herself to ignore her soft lips. not like yn knew how they felt, they just looked soft.

dina clapped her hands together. "okay! first question..."

clearing her throat before speaking, "how many continents are there?"

as usual ellie yelled out her answer, "six!"

dina pursed her lips, suddenly not looking as excited, abby was trying not to cackle, and yn could only ask "are you serious?"

abby sounded like she was suffocating, when yn turned to look at her she was met with abby covering her mouth with her hand, looking stupidly pretty.

yn needed abby removed from the premises.

dina sighed, "ellie, there are seven..."

ellie just scoffed. "no? no one lives in the arctic. it doesn't count."

"that's not how it works you stupid bitch."

abby and yn kept getting paired against each other.

it was ruining yn's life.

"spell 'fuchsia'."

yn goes first, "f-u... um, s-h? shit."

dina grinned. "wrong!"

abby pouted, "you said that with so much confidence too." making yn glare at her. "i don't need your commentary."

abby just shrugged, smug as fuck (as usual). "i'm just saying, it was really impressive for, like... the first two letters."

ellie laughed a little too hard for someone who doesn't count the arctic as a continent, yn threw a pillow at abby's head.

and then the worst question happened.

"if a car is going 60mph, how far will it go in one hour?"

silence.

abby shifted, scratching her arm. "wait. repeat that." dina stared at her "are you joking?"

abby looked genuinely confused. "no, i just-"

yn grinned immediately, trying to make abby feel how she made yn feel. key word being try. "oh, this is amazing."

abby squinted at yn, "don't make this a thing."

"it's already a thing."

dina repeated the question; abby froze, trying to make it make sense in her head. ellie was still grinning and laughing. but this time yn was laughing with her.

dina sighed loudly, "abby, what the fuck does mph mean?"

abby looked almost embarrassed, it was funny. "um, miles per hour?" making dina clap her hands.

"so if a car is going 60 miles per hour... stay with me, how far will it go in an hour?"

abby's eyes widened, letting out a long 'oh',

"sixty miles..."

dina sighed in relief, turning to the camera "guys... i can't keep hanging out with them, they make me dumber each day." yn yelled in protest, saying how dina 'gave her a hard word to spell' and how 'she's smarter than all of them combined'.

ellie patted abby's shoulder, giving her a pitying look, "you tried..."

abby turned to yn instead, "you enjoyed that a little too much."

she did.

after not being able to solve the easiest question in the world, and losing a bit too much for her liking, abby leaned into yn on the couch and grumbled dramatically.

"i don't like this game. dina's definitely doing some shit to make us lose."

yn froze.

because, okay... abby being close was not a big deal.

it was fine, it was normal.

but like, she's really close.

like, feeling her warmth through her arm pressing against yn's close.

and abby didn't move away. and her voice was lower than usual, yn's brain stopped, she was sure she was going to piss herself. at least that what she thought, because the possibility of her climaxing just from a voice, plus that voice being abby's, was zero.

ellie and dina gave each other a look before dina turned to yn and abby, raising a brow, "do you two need a chaperone..?"

yn choked on nothing, because she needed to embarrass herself and give abby even more shit to use against her.

but abby just laughed, looking annoyingly pretty, "maybe." yn hoped abby's mom was proud of herself for shitting out this stupid bitch ass lesbian.

and yn did not know how to handle that stupid bitch ass lesbian.

[midnight-mourning]

*Taps mic* Heard y'all like Moon around here, you're in luck, this one's for you

massive, MASSIVE thank you to @lunarmoves for beta-reading this chapter!!

She put a lot of time and effort into making my BS readable for y'all and it's greatly appreciated <3 <3 <3

Shay also makes really good dca stuff (also sebastian solace but I know very little about the fish tbh) and you should check her out!

Also, happy 200k+!!! We're only 297k from truly becoming the 500k enemies to lovers slowburn of our dreams lmaoooo

But for real I apologize for such a delay with this one. If you'd like to hear my excuses/reasoning they're below the cut, or you can just go read the chapter whatever suits ya ^-^

Tag list (if you would like added please see this post for more info):

@scarletcowboy @beemyhuneybee @fishm0ther @deviouscrackers @elsajoyagent8

@luckyyyduckyyy @zenkaiankoku @jogimote @local-shrub @amarynthian-chronicles

@robinette-green @everlightreader @sinister-sincerely @starredeclipse @dangerva

CW: medical stuff & additionally a bit of unreality mentions

Okay going to try and keep this simple bc I've said parts of it before

So as most of you know, I've been sick for 3 months now

I've now been on two rounds of steroids, and currently on my third round of antibiotics, which are basically keep me fucntional, not improving

besides general discomfort and pain, my memory has been pretty shot at times, I will go through the day and barely remember what I did/what I'm doing/what I need to do

as someone who had brain fog caused by covid a few years ago, this was genuinely a scary experience because ultimately, this has been worse

i've felt out of control of my body, having times where I'm mid thought and then instantly lose it

this is not my normal, I usually pride myself on my memory, so losing it has been incredibly devastating and scary

this was not helped by the fact that the quick care I went to (THREE TIMES for this) basically kind of sort of tried to gaslight me into believing nothing could be done and that it's not an infection

so not only has this entire thing has gotten dragged out so much more, which makes me sad tbh, but I've also felt like I've been going crazy bc it felt like no one was believing me when i said I was sick and not getting any better (including friends, family, coworkers etc, though unintentional on their parts to be fair)

I feel like I've lost three months of my life and coming to terms with that has been, yeah

on top of all that, I'm still in school AND doing grad stuff, and while the school side of things has been okay (thank god), grad's had it's moments, won't get into it but have had multiple issues with my advisor that have been at times just really tough to deal with

Confused spirit got pushed to the back burner, because i quite literally at times could not think, and when it comes to this fic, where there's multiple ongoing plot threads, characterizations, lore, and so on to keep track of, it was just, impossible to me to even consider writing for it

having shorter stuff like promptober, the oneshots and such was great to keep me writing, and also still interact with everyone in the community, plus i had a lot of fun with them so that helped too

this is all to say that I do sincerly apologize for the delay, and at the very least I should've clearly communicated about there being a hiatus, when this all started I thought i'd be down for two weeks max, then as that time kept increasing I just kept putting it off and putting it off because i thought i was going to get better, and then I didn't

I do this for fun and for nothing else, fic writing isn't content (it's engaging with fandom) and i have to remind myself of that sometimes but given that I've been around in some capacity on and off I feel I should've said something in some regard

Having said all that, I'm doing okay now! Still sick, but as long as I'm on meds I'm functional, stuff is getting managable with grad, and hopefully have some fun things coming up irl! Point is, the last three months haven't been the best, but they've been alright, due in part to all the support you all have given me, so thank you for that, can't say it enough :)

Okay, I think that just about covers it, thank you for taking the time to read all of this if you did <3

[nayatarot777]

What Do You Love About Your Lover?

This reading applies to past, present or future lovers. Committed or casual.

• Pile One •

Before I get into the reading, you guys may be a little toxic, Pile One 😂.

Something that you love about this person is how they have different masks that they wear with others. There’s something about you enjoying the way that they pretend to not have feelings for you or the way that they simply don’t show how they truly feel. I’m seeing that you can see through the mask but this intrigues you even more. This is giving “I like complicated people” ngl. There’s a way that this person tries to gaslight you out of seeing who they truly are and how they truly feel for you, but you get a kick out of this because you can tell that they’re lying. It’s like you perceive this as somewhat of a positive thing because (to you), this person hiding their feelings is proof that they truly do like you. Or that their feelings must be deep despite them not being a deep person, so it’s more authentic and easy to believe that they actually do genuinely like you. You also love how they’re very self-indulgent. How they focus on themselves and how they appreciate themselves. This person has a high sense of self-worth that attracts you to them and they might be the type to actually try to work on the parts of themselves that are damaged and in need of repair. The following is what makes me think that you guys are my toxic pile: you enjoy how they run away from intimacy. How you have to chase them and try to “tame” them in a way. Their fear of intimacy triggers a “I can fix you” switch in your mind, and you actually love this. Not something that I’d advise to feed into but 🤷🏾‍♀️. That’s what I’m seeing lmao.

Extended Reading: What Does Your Lover Love About You?

YouTube

Personal Readings

• Pile Two •

You don’t seem to have a very serious or committed connection to this lover, but you love how the passion is there all the same. You love how they reciprocate your feelings and your energy. How you like each other equally and things are quite intense and open between the both of you. You love how this person is someone who you can just have fun with. Someone who you can just enjoy your time with - with good sex, good food, good conversation. You love how you’re getting to know this person a lot more. You find them interesting and find yourself awaiting their reply to your messages or missed calls. I feel like this is someone who you actually wait around to hear back from, which may not be your usual temperament with the people who you date. You love how the conversations that you have with this person are rich and go deep. I’m seeing that this person is a chaser. You’ve picked up on their fear of abandonment and linked this to why they’re so open to investing time and energy into you, trying to keep you as happy as possible. And although this type of energy may put you off when it comes to others, there’s something about this person that makes that type of behaviour endearing. You love how they’re so invested into you and how they’re willing to chase after you in a way, which makes you feel appreciated. It feels like this makes you more open to putting energy into reciprocating the energy.

Extended Reading: What Does Your Lover Love About You?

YouTube

Personal Readings

• Pile Three •

You love that your lover is a source of stability for you. They’re just a stable person in general. Someone who offers a lot of security and permanence to the relationship as well as their own life - and, in turn, yours too. This is someone who’s very serious about planting seeds to something that can grow to endure the test of time. They’re not about fleeting desires or quick thrills. However, despite this stable energy, you appreciate how they’re not rigid. They’re actually quite flexible with their routines and their plans in life if it means that it’ll benefit the both of you in the long run. You also love how you can see that they’re healing from heartbreak from their past. They don’t sit and stew in their pain for long. They want to move on from heartbreak and pain that they’ve experienced in their past and mend themselves back together. For some of you, this person is finding freedom from a toxic relationship. For others of you, they’re freeing themselves from addiction and putting themselves back on track to a stable life. You love to see this. You also love how, despite their heavy past, they’re so lighthearted. Their energy is bright and very healing - not just towards themselves but you too. You love to see the way that they recognise the things that they need to heal within themselves. How they’re open to traumas or triggers in their subconscious mind coming to the light of their consciousness. You love how they’re willing to adapt their behaviour and their mindset towards life and the relationship when necessary, for the sake of healing and moving forward into more stability and security.

Extended Reading: What Does Your Lover Love About You?

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Personal Readings

[unbidden-yidden-deactivated20240]

Ever since October 7th, the amount of misinformation and disinformation about Jews, Israel, Judaism, and even just like, basic facts about reality have been so intense that it's really dredging up a lot of my gaslighting trauma.

(No, not in the memic sense that it's been distorted into, but the kind of gaslighting that leads you to detransition and think it was your choice despite drowning in dysphoria, the kind that warps and changes and erases memories, and makes it so that you dissociate for literal months at a time to escape the pain. That kind.)

And I recognized this because I keep finding myself arguing facts and trying to reason with people who say that they're part of the compassionate left and care about working on antisemitism but yet spew the kind of antisemitism that would be totally at home on Stormfront.

It's that first arguing stage of gaslighting, where the abuser keeps saying outrageous, untrue things and you're still fighting to try and get them to empathize with you and seek mutual understanding. This:

A gaslighter does not simply need to be right. He or she also needs for you to believe that they are right. In stage 1, you know that they are being ridiculous, but you argue anyways. You argue for hours, without resolution. You argue over things that shouldn’t be up for debate — your feelings, your opinions, your experience of the world. You argue because you need to be right, you need to be understood, or you need to get their approval. In stage 1, you still believe yourself, but you also unwittingly put that belief up for debate.

(bolding mine) (source)

This is a pattern I recognize in myself in personal relationships and even within communities, but what's happening right now is a lot bigger and more diffuse. It's not one abuser or even a shitty cohort of abusive people who are monopolizing a community space. This is being encouraged in a frighteningly large number of non-Jewish progressive spaces. In the same way that stochastic terrorism adds up very quickly, this type of cultural gaslighting and stochastic emotional abuse feels like a deluge.

But if you look at history, this is not new, for Jews. This is but the latest version of a very long game of Why Won't You Just Give Up and Assimilate or Die that Jews have thus far prevailed on at great cost to ourselves.

Anyway I'm done arguing with goyim about things that absolutely should not be up for debate: Jewish history, Jewish culture, what certain religious concepts in Judaism mean, Jewish lived experiences, what is and isn't antisemitism. If you aren't willing to engage in a genuine way that seeks mutual understanding, I'm not interested. I'm done.

You are engaging in violent behavior and lying to yourself about it and calling it activism. Well I am no longer going to participate. You can lie to yourself all you want, but you are a bad person and I don't forgive you, and you can do that alone.

You are acting from a mob mentality and a mob cannot be reasoned with. You are drunk on your tiny bit of power and social capital, and years down the line you'll lie to yourself and pretend that you cared about us.

You didn't. And deep down you know it, too.

Instead of arguing with people who refuse to see facts or reason and put our experiences up for debate, I am going to work on compiling a resource for people who want to actually learn.

Everyone else can fuck off.