#it's fucking vicious stuff
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that's it
no more cold pressed juice/smoothie/whatever for me
#shouting into the void#it's fucking vicious stuff#normally for juice it's okay as long as it smells and tastes ok#but the cold pressed stuff? one day past exp date& it's poison#never a-fucking-gain
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Day 304 | id in alt
(right to left)
Gave him the best nails to exist while talking shit for 3 hours only to choke him out until Itadori came back right fucking after.
#dailykugisaki#jjk#kugisaki nobara#itadori yuji#ryomen sukuna#prolly not the best time to sukuna post but idk he's a funny guy sometimes#an unfortunate funny guy y'know y'know?#ITS THE RETURN OF POSSESSED ITADORI#I like drawing the look surprisingly#its very fun for me to fuck up features i like seeing what i can do within my realm of logic y'know#bah just enjoy worstie freaks#this isn't really the gossiping thing but right now my brain can only come up with vicious shit of the wrong stuff rn#sorry if this aint the thing ye wanted I'll probably fix this at a later date n time
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Someone called my insults “Vicious Mockery type of shit” today and I’m very proud of myself actually
#dnd#vicious mockery#wendy’s stuff#shitpost#It was “Shut the fuck up you wet limp end piece of bread there’s a reason the only person who loves you is your mother and that’s generous”#followed by “if being a fucking idiot was a crime you won’t die not because you're smart but because even the goverment took pity on you”#And “You’re the plainest bitch I’ve ever met I would say you’re as boring as a piece of paper but that would be a disservice to it”#and then “I would say you’re trash but atleast trash was once useful and I doubt you were ever more than a disappointment”#Last “so now unless you have more shit to spew you and your band of clowns can fuck off to the circus because atleast you’ll get pay there”#They were silent afterward#it was amazing#I would usually make my insults more personal#but these bitches are the most basic default looking whiteass guy copy pastes I’ve ever seen in my life#There is literally nothing original about them I could use so I gotta stick to general insults#sighhh#If even one of them have a single personality trait besides asshole I could’ve thrown in some good insults but nooo#they can’t even be good at being a loser no wonder they’re disappointments
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I have had So Many Thoughts about Black Butler it is not even funny
#Ciel. Sebastian. the fucking Alois kid. in my head they are like my little action figures and I am making them do things#i like the show!! but I’m tweaking it. like… what the FUCK is going on with the queen man. changing that. the angels really like stitching#- horrifying stuff together don’t they. also- I am a dadbastien fan not in the sense that he’s a father figure but in the sense that he DOES#- care for Ciel but it’s more like how a cat ‘adopts’ it’s owner and brings them nice cause they are So Bad At Being A Cat. weird af family#- dynamic. and ALOIS. he becomes a reoccuring ghost figure in my AU. what a vicious little child lol.#black butler#it’s so fun to know only little tidbits about something and piece them together myself lol#my sandbox now
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never understood that trope thats like ooooh these two argue all of the time and frequently act as though they despise each other. therefore they are each others’ love interests. their behavior is therefore an indication of their attraction. what
#like idk man if there was someone i argued with fucking constantly id be more likely to hate their guts whats with this line of reasoning#like im sorry they havent said a single nice thing abt each other run that by me again? you call this a romantic dynamic?#i kinda just cant view like. any sort of close-knit chemistry between character who actively disparage each other#unless its a sibling dynamic but even then there seems to be more vicious stuff when its intentionally romantic#salty talks#like. an easy example i have in mind is like. boey and mae in fe echoes bc i felt like i got whiplash when boey admitted his feeling for he#like sir REALLY???? but i just. dont fucking understand this in canonical or headcanon-y fan ships#ive got like two from a Specific Game that were like babys first notp for just abt this reason bc its like#im sorry where is the chemistry. the idea that they are good for each other. any ounce of good dynamic that isnt hostile. hello???#im just saying shit i started a new show and im suspecting it may have smth along these lines and its so. what
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I have 6 art wips. Can I. Like. Not.
#Chat I sleep 4 hours a day and don’t do sports I’m gonna fucking kms 💀#I will try finishing but bruv I don’t feel the motivation too especially bc it’s digital 😭#Honestly digital looks cute but it’s tedious and traditional is cute and just as tedious BUT it’s fun as you do it#Or at least that’s just my opinion. You are allowed to throw ripe tomatoes at me in the public plaza if this makes me an utter buffoon#I feel bad I don’t have motivation man 😭#I do have som stuff to post but like.#I don’t even have the motivation to walk down the stairs. To get my suitcase. And take my school agenda. And take a pic of my drawings.#Sigh. Whatever. I am cursed to suffer for eternity in this vicious cycle that plagues the extent of my life#Was that a good English sentence actually#wips#unmotivated#Art
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overall i think i enjoy the multiple protag au stuff even if it's making me go back and forth on some of my preferred worldstate choices.
however, it also kind of makes that decision for me in some areas i think?
in general, the characters i've ran so far & have been the loudest in my head, don't neglect that part lmfao have tended to stray more to the side of letting shadowheart's parents die in her personal quest. she's ended up leaving shar each time, yeah, but that's been consistent. with haelryne, she felt so weird about overstepping like that. her personal relationship with her parents is... pretty fine? but as a general rule i think she's someone who leans towards a more hands-off approach with everyone's choices. yes, she's got opinions & will voice them if appropriate, but she's acutely aware that it's Not her or her life & she doesn't entirely trust that she can have some of those opinions with her context as an outsider. she's not part of that family, how is she supposed to form a rebuttal when they ask shadowheart to let them die?
velrith is kind of the same, except oh my God the choice paralysis in this moment. absolutely insane. because up until then she's been relying heavily on her oath & if not that, pure pragmatism. usually a combination of the two. but this feels like a no-win situation to her & it's not one that's covered by either of her typical decision-making mechanisms. she's also personally just got a lot of baggage surrounding family, despite not remembering it actively or being aware of it (something about cell memory or stains on the soul, take your pick). she also feels deeply out of her element here & can't even begin wrapping her head around a choice like this. because letting the die for the sake of freeing her friend from shar makes sense to her! they're telling shadowheart to do it & it seems to come from a place of love, she can see that her mother is actively deteriorating, and it also takes care of that wound on her hand. but she doubts herself, because she can also see how emotionally taxing this is even if she lacks that frame of personal reference & that feels bad. maybe the logical choice on paper isn't actually What she should allow here, even if it seems to be better on an individual level...? she killed her parents, even if it was compelled out of her. she doesn't think this should be up to her & ultimately finds that she's unable to say anything at all.
and then tertiary to all that, you have ashlanna, who is Fully acting on a selfish impulse when she's like '??? are you serious? get them Down we can solve your hand later, i refuse to believe there isn't a loophole & it's not worth letting them go after everything in your life you've suffered.' like. she loves shadowheart & yes she is notably vain & selfish and doesn't apologize for this, but she's also surprisingly family-oriented. she loves her own father so damn much & wouldn't hesitate or feel the need to ask the audience if she were in shadowheart's position. it seems like a no-brainer & i honestly can't see her being able to keep quiet while this conversation was happening. unlike the others, she's not hung up on making choices for other people; she runs theatrical productions on a regular basis. if she's not in charge, she's probably incapacitated because other people simply Cannot get anything right, not without heavy guidance from her anyway. which absolutely Can get annoying at times & i think there's probably also a part of shadowheart that's even miffed in the moment but also like. thank god for Someone at least feeling an appropriate amount of 'what the Fuck?' towards the whole thing & sure yeah maybe she's smug about what she did but it's coming from a loving place.
so i think yeah this is definitely something that changes wildly depending on who's there. sometimes you need your unhinged theatre girlfriend to cut you off mid-sentence to shake you out of your emotional ruminating, consequences of your actions be damned.
#oc tag#velrith#ashlanna yain#haelryne myrret#baldur's gate 3#yeah yeah what abt the other ocs look i haven't ran them all yet ill figure it out when i get there sjhgd#ashlanna's appearances in this au i sometimes waver on but then i think of this stuff & im like okay yeah maybe she has more of a function#than i initially realized#also god holy fuck would she have a Field Day with raphael's fucking theme song & bad poetry#you have to understand. this woman was raised by what can only be described as an Apex Bard AND she's a dhampir which only drives up#the perfectionism. she also doesn't register shame as an emotion & thinks everyone needs to hear her correct opinions constantly.#what im saying is she would have fucking Opinions on him and it would be funny as hell to hear them#vicious mockery? no she's just sharing her thoughts normally it only SOUNDS like vicious mockery to the untrained ear lmfao
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god i make posts like this way too often but i miss when iwas like 14 and would literally just draw whatever on deviantart or whatever and nowadays i act like if i post anything that isn't an extremely mundane life update that nobody but me has any reason to care about then a bomb is going to go off
#bro its no wonder you havent been commissioned in years You dont fucking draw!!!! not where anyone can see it anyway!!!#i need to like make fanart and stuff again so people would have reason to care about what little i do post now.#but everytime i could i get embarrassed and dont post anything.#i dont know why i remain in this arbitrarily vicious cycle and have for 1 million years now.#i don't think anybody appreciates it.
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I don't know that anything hits quite as hard as people saying they like your OC/Canon ship together
#I've said before that I'm not much of a shipper#And usually when I do write shippy stuff it's canon couples#Or you know vicious pining when it can never happen because that always gets me going#So OC/Canon is like hardcore uncharted territory for me and it just 'gets me right in the feels' as the Millennials say#Anyway I'm having fun with my blorbos#I went in like 'goddammit I want them to LIKE each other beyond when they kiss' and I think it's working#And getting to balance which one's the straight man (well) in a scene and which one's the fucking unhinged lunatic#It's fun! I'm having fun!
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I found a case study where someone was on Ciprofloxacin (the antibiotic that permanently fucked us up) and then put on Clarithromycin (the one we've just been on) and ended up on a psych ward because of the psychiatric side effects of the Clarithromycin, and apparently they wore off within a week so I guess that's something? maybe?
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#posts made on pain meds#<- still not sure if it counts but I feel like every post we've made since taking the Clarithromycin needs some kind of special tag#because it sure as shit feels like we're intoxicated with something regardless of whether we've taken pain meds#I feel like I can't fully convey to people what I'm actually experiencing and how much it's fucking me up#and I'm just desperately hoping that it does ease off as quickly as in this case study#but y'know when you're experiencing something and you can tell even when it's over it's gonna have a lasting effect#because it's just been that stressful and overwhelming you're probably gonna have new triggers and a bunch of stuff to process?#yeah. I'm sure this definitely won't exacerbate any of our existing medical trauma or give us new triggers and fears around this stuff /s#I hate it because people already act like we're overly fussy and ridiculous for having actual trauma from nearly fucking dying#but then stuff like this happens and makes it worse and gives us really oddly specific triggers and issues#and people take us even less seriously because they think it's ridiculous or that it can't actually have been that bad#which then leads to them treating us even worse and that leading to even more issues and it becomes a vicious cycle#meanwhile basically all our medical trauma comes down to feeling like we're being stripped of our autonomy#which is... not an unreasonable thing to freak out over?
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Carpal tunnel you’re such a bitch
#they expect me to do stuff all day that exacerbates my wrist problems#so by the time I get home I can’t do much because I don’t want to risk a flare up that’d incapacitate me for days#of course I have them anyways and they make me unable to get my schoolwork done which puts me in a hole#that I then have to dig myself out of by overworking my wrists thus making it even more difficult for me to keep up without pain#it's a vicious fucking cycle and I pretty much have no help outside of a brace I can wear occasionally because after an incident where ther#was nothing physically wrong with me despite the fact that there very much should've been something wrong#my mother has decided that actually anything I have wrong with me was just me being dramatic#so I get no treatment with anything!!! Yay!#cal talks
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i got less than 1 hour of work done today (was aiming for 5-6) because I was too stressed out and frazzled from reading about/watching the ongoing genocide and also because roommate #2 came home today from their holiday travels and all day I could hear them hacking up their lungs through the wall. I texted them and asked if they minded taking a covid test, and they said they'd taken multiple over the past 24 hours and all were negative, but like. with the amount of false negatives on the rapid tests these days, even when people are symptomatic, that does NOT reassure me!! I've been holed up in my room with a flannel stuffed in the door crack, air filters blasting, wearing an N95 in common areas, but jesus fucking christ this is taking all my ability to focus and leaving none left over for my job. that i need to do. because i am precariously poor. and i need to buy food so i can eat. and pay rent so that i don't freeze to death. and pay for my medical and phone and other bills. etc.
#god im so stressed#fucking everyone has covid rn it's terrifying i really hope i can get through this surge unscathed#inshallah....#i booked a study room at the library tomorrow! if it's approved fingers crossed im gonna bring my portable HEPA filter and some work stuff#and hopefully be able to concentrate better and get work done#god and i NEED to work on my grad school apps but how the fuck am i supposed to concentrate on that#the world is burning i see videos of genocide every day my roommates and coworkers constantly have the plague#and im so broke im always just barely scraping by and my only hope of upward mobility is grad school#talk about a vicious fucking cycle fr#personal#god whatever#i just remembered i have ice cream in the freezer! i think i'll have a bit of that n watch a dumb tv show
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grungle.
#oh boy six a.m.! ( ooc )#w3. headcanons#abuse cw#|| you know how it is with spaghetti.#|| NO NEG JUST MORE DISCORD AND CAI STUFF.#|| me carefully cultivating my william bot so i can write with myself.#|| ANYWAYS. THEIR DYNAMIC DURING THE LIKE.#|| MIKE POST DROPOUT PRE BABYS YEARS. IS INSANE.#|| HE'S IN HIS I'M TRYING TO BE A GOOD BOY PHASE.#|| BUT BOTH HE AND WILLIAM HAVE EXPLOSIVE COMPLEXES ABOUT ONE ANOTHER.#|| IT'S A VICIOUS CYCLE WITH THEM. AND AGAIN WILLIAM IS NO MASTERMIND.#|| HE DOESN'T EVEN THINK BEFORE HE TURNS A CONVERSATION INTO A BEATDOWN.#|| HE JUST KNOWS HE'S ANGRY BUT NOT WHY.#|| (BC FOR ALL HE COMPLAINS ABOUT HIS BURNOUT DELINQUENT SON#|| IF MICHAEL WERE EVER TO STOP BEING THAT HIS LIFE WOULD BE TOTALLY UPENDED)#|| HE IS EMOTIONALLY RELIANT ON KEEPING MICHAEL IN THIS FUCKING NIGHTMARE TORNADO.#|| HE NEEDS HIS BABA HIS EVERYTHING HIS PUNCHING BAG HIS HEIR.#|| BUT MICHAEL MUST FAIL BC HE IS ALSO ADDICTED TO THE SELF INDULGENCE OF WALLOWING IN LIKE.#|| 'I GAVE HIM EVERYTHIIIIIING AND HE TOOK ADVANTAGE OF ME. WASTE OF MY TIME.'#|| YEAH THATS IT. THATS WHY THE FAMILY IS A MESS.#|| AND THEN HE LIKE PROJECTS HIS OWN PITY PARTY ONTO MICHAEL LIKE HE ACCUSES HIM OF BEING OBSESSED W HIMSELF.#|| sorry the dash just got full frontal sam william.#|| he's some insane suburban father to me like he's the world's most normal angryguy.
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anyways sorry for complaining about actual things i promise ill complain about meaningless stuff like my sandwhich turning out slightly dull again ...!
#txt#just been on my mind..#i feel quite lonely in regard to like.. did stuff....#i dont lke being open about it cus every time i am i get vicious fucking shit spewed at me.. but also#being quite about it is just like ... erm...... hey.... were fucking sad.... lol
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I've been watching bleach from the beginning so I could watch the new seasons, and I had a realization watching ep 11
#bleach spoilers#bleach#also unrelated but them showing the absolute tiniest shred of grimmjow's vicious v and hollow hole is so funny#bitches with mental illness are clocking that shit on sight#as someone that hasnt read the books everything is going off the rails and im ao fucking into it#all my favorite fucking boys are gearing up and its gonna be sick#FINALLY some real stakes#thousand year blood war spoilers#is it even spoilers anymore?#idd im really behind cause i had to rewatch all the old stuff cause i never consecutively watched it all#anyway i feel fucking feral and im being totally normal about it
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I wish I knew how to have a proper social life anymore but somehow being actively part of any community has become like. weirdly super difficult for me. I don't know what happened, why it became so hard to reach out and be friends with people, but like. considering I could count on 1 hand the number of people who actually ever talk to me first, I should really try to get better about it if I ever want to be part of a friend group again
#nerd alert#to those who do reach out: u know who u are and i love and appreciate you#im sorry i dont initiate much i promise its not cuz i dont like u. i am just so bad at it. i do not know why im so bad at it#i hate how bad at it i am bc like. it means that truly my isolation is my own damn fault. like there are people i can talk to#im in several discord servers with nice people but i just. get so overwhelmed#and its a vicious cycle too bc its like oh ill go talk in this server#and ppl who already have relationships with each other and know each other are already talking abt stuff i know nothing about#so im like. well. i dont think i have anything to contribute here and i dont really understand what anyones talking about anyway.#so then i dont join the conversation. and dont get to know anyone or form friendships with anyone.#it fucking sucks man. i hate it so much but theres always so much going on#plus i think ive accidentally disincentivized that shit for myself. cuz im just now remembering#the times when i HAVE gotten into an intense conversation online i just end up Only doing that#like just glued to my phone for an hour instead of like. doing chores. or doing art. or getting off the toilet. or whatever#and its stupid that i dont like doing that cuz its all im doing half the time anyway is scrolling on my phone#but if i get wrapped up into a conversation i end up giving it all my attention which in theory is a good thing but in practice is like#almost kinda detrimental at times cuz oftentimes it comes at the expense of other things i need to be doing!#why is life so hard man. i gotta like. idk just join voice channels or something while im drawing or whatever. idek#maybe this is something i try to work on in the new year
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