#it's fucked up and I love it and need it
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Gotta love that I finally have the emotional strength to get back into BL, and I fall in love with a show that apparently just @heretherebedork and I enjoy.
#but seriously I think love syndrome iii is vastly underrated#the acting!#the music!#yeah the subtitles are garbage#especially in the early eps#I might not be able to enjoy the show as much if I didn't have enough of a grasp of Thai to fill in the blanks#but I do#so I'm sad no one likes it except us#and the eleven other people who left kudos on my fic#which tbh surprised me#I only really posted that fic for heretherebedork#didn't think anyone else would read it#anyways I'm trash for this show#it's fucked up and I love it and need it#love syndrome iii#love syndrome 3#dayitt#day x itt
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Sketching while streaming s5...
Jonathan Sims I will learn to draw you (this is my doing. I could draw him however I want and I choose to stick with an image of him in my brain that is difficult for me to draw. Masochism.)
Not s5 Mahtins below I enjoyed drawing cuz hes neat:
(Edit: I yassified Martin in the do not separate cuz I wanted his hair fluffier)
#yes I realize Jon and Martin are in different fucking art styles let me live#do not accuse me of being AI this difficulty drawing hands is all natural I worked hard drawing for years just to fucking suck at it#update I listened to 170 I heard it was devastating but my ass was LAUGHING#poor martin but omg me and my buddy had everywhere at the end of time in the background and shit was so funny#he forgor 😭💀#it was emotionally devastating at the end tho Jon suggesting he stay there um btich NO?!#Jon the literal Lonely is not worse tham being around you get a fucking grip#helen continues to be the best character her showing up for the juicy gossip is so fucking real#anyagays#tma#tma podcast#the magnus pod#tma fanart#jonathan sims#the magnus archives#my art#martin blackwood#jonmartin#jmart#tma jmart#tma season 5#tma spoilers#i have to make a diagram for my jon and martin designs for s5 SO bad#if only i could draw jon.... >:(#i need u guys to know that my martin loves plaid and jon is wearing a plaid shirt thats too big in s5... inchresting....
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I don't know
#does this make sense#i was very sleep deprived when i came up with this#doctor who#sutekh#dw#dw spoilers#doctor who spoilers#nuwho#new who#15th doctor#dw memes#rtd didnt think about the implications smh#russell t davies#rtd2 era#the guy who didn't like musicals#(technically)#okay wow this blew up#i feel the need to clarify for the people in the notes: this post does not reflect my personal opinions on sutekh or RTD#i wasnt such a fan of the last two parter but thats just a me thing#the dw timeline is so fucked up already and i love it
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at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"
like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.
"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."
... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.
and i'd still keep writing.
i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.
i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley
"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"
and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.
it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.
you create because you're greedy.
#every time someones like ''AI will replace u" im like. u will have to fucking KILL ME#there is no replacement here bc i am not filling a position. i am just writing#and the writing is what i need to be doing#writeblr#this probably doesn't make sense bc its sooo frustrating i rarely speak it the way i want to#edited for the typo wrote it and then was late to a meeting lol#i love u people who mention my typos genuinely bc i don't always catch them!!!! :) it is doing me a genuine favor!!!#my friend says i should tell you ''thank you beta editors'' but i don't know what that means#i made her promise it isn't a wolf fanfiction thing. so if it IS a wolf thing she is DEAD to me (just kidding i love her)#hey PS PS PS ??? if ur reading this thinking what it's saying is ''i am financially capable of losing this'' ur reading it wrong#i write for free. i always have. i have worked 5-7 jobs at once to make ends meet.#i did not grow up with access or money. i did not grow up with connections or like some kind of excuse#i grew up and worked my fucking ASS OFF. and i STILL!!! wrote!!! on the side!!! because i didn't know how not to!!!#i do not write for money!!!! i write because i fuckken NEED TO#i could be in the fucking desert i could be in the fuckken tundra i could be in total darkness#and i would still be writing pretentious angsty poetry about it#im not in any way saying it's a good thing. i'm not in any way implying that they're NOT tryna kill us#i'm saying. you could take away our jobs and we could go hungry and we could suffer#and from that suffering (if i know us) we'd still fuckin make art.#i would LOVE to be able to make money doing this! i never have been able to. but i don't NEED to. i will find a way to make my life work#even if it means being miserable#but i will not give up this thing. for the whole world.
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kiss of the divine
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#ruporas art#i will always love u vol 8… Obviously i was a vw lover even thru stampede alone but i think this chapter#really set it in stone for me 😭 aughhh wolfwood pleading to god and vash answers - that allll transpiring after wolfwood risked his life#to go Save vash in the first place - he fears death twice as much as anyone else. he is all the reason i need to fight#LIKEEEEE 🥲🥲🥲🥲 I drew this because i wanted them to kiss in my fucked up idealized world but truly canon did crazy work#in establishing their undeniable mutual trust and love already
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
Plain-text version:
Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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hey I went to Bad At It island and everyone you know was there. yeah turns out you just see the version of them they put forwards in order to not disappoint and in actuality everyone is just trying their best which doesn't always mean succeeding. yeah you were there as well but it's ok because you're surrounded by your friends and loved ones and if you take a moment you'll realise we are all flawed by nature but we are all full of love for one another and that matters more than any skill or success or achievement.
#listen to my gibberish boy#silly post format but this is something I need to realise more#and I think that might be true for others as well so ((:#BE BAD AT IT AND BE FULL OF LOVE AND KISS YOUR FRIENDS AND FUCK UP PROJECTS IT WILL ALL BE OK IN THE END!!!!!
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obsessed w these boneheads as of late :]
#griddlehark#tlt#the locked tomb#gideon nav#harrowhark nonagesimus#gtn#when u and the situationship livin it up in a haunted palace... FO FREE!!!!!#i wanted 2 do a background 4 this but college and work have been kicking my ASS so#figured i should just post it and move on i got other sketches and wips#anyways hello tlt fans do not expect me 2 draw anything the same twice. love u <3#in this kitchen we fuck it And we ball. no artistic sameness and we like it that way. i also serve food once a month#stay at your own risk#i've been going insane over tlt by myself on my side acc and the longer i have no one 2 talk abt nona grief with#the more art i will pop out. but also pls i need 2 talk abt this shit w someone i'm coughing and dying out here
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my final from last semester that i made into a zine. cooked this one up in a couple hours before the critique (the ink was still wet!), so it's very raw and kind of sloppy but the sentiment is there. i love you trans people of color. we are the backbone of this community 🌟
#pan draws#pan designs#zine#risograph#i'm not gonna lie i don't love how this one turned out OTL and i think the wording is not done but well... a deadline is a deadline#i'll probably touch it up and rewrite it in the future but who's to say.. i need to stew on how to articulate my feelings coherently#anyway my transness is so closely tied to my experience as a person of color. the current political climate is so fucking ass to exist in#but more than anything i am pissed off at white punks & leftists & trans people that refuse to have meaningful solidarity with us.#so yeah anyway. i was stuck on this one forever and only really got anywhere with it after attending 2 punk noise shows in a row where they#actually used their fucking platform to do like. anything. our struggles are connected you need to careeeee YOU HAVE TO CARE........ ok bye#tdov#trans day of visibility#<- i was sitting on uploading this for a while so the stars kind of aligned for it to be today huh.... happy tdov i love you#xines
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searching for a star that's still unknown to anyone!
#for finncakes.arts dtiys on instagram... i missed you wxs#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#proseka#emu otori#tsukasa tenma#nene kusanagi#rui kamishiro#wonderlands x showtime#wxs#polysho#my ipad did not survive this one its at 3% after like 5 procreate crashes#and sending me visions of it being put down like a dog. Not happening#kirapipi album release im FREE#wxs getting 1 another wanopo comm and 2 a traditional japanese style song. ive been saying they need it. emu deep voice can save the world#I drew emus recent card the untrained but i dont KNOW HOW TO RENDER SNYMORE IDK HOW TO DO IT. SO SHES TRAPPED#in my wip art timeloop for eternity.#tsukasa is pissing me off so bad in this no matter how many times i drew and redrew his head imhe just completely breaks the illusion of#depth i think i actually did alright on rui and emu. i love how theynlook. Went hard rendering tsukasas outfit i guess which.#pisses me off MORE. its NOT THE FOCAL POINT. TSUKASA INHOPE YOUR NEXT LIM HAIRCUT IS EVEN MORE STUPID. YOURE RUINING MY LIFE.#whats supposed to be his hand is so fucked up with the perspective too helppp me just pretend its nenes.#the tonal difference from my ladt post is so funny. fuck you siffrin you stupud cat
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cult trait: good die young
#my art#cotl#cotl lamb#as you can tell. my lamb is SO normal#i wanted to do a thing that showed what kind of a cult leader they were without being like. 25 pages long sakjhfsdg#surprisingly hard???? what can i say i love dramatic spacing and plotlines that slowly build over time. its my curse#this lamb btw is largely based off of the way i played cotl in my first full playthrough. i call this one the Collector#because they do all the fucked up shit you need to in order to collect all the follower forms etc
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[ID: A colored, simple, three panel comic of teen Gojo Satoru and Megumi Fushiguro. Panel one: Megumi sits on a stool, feet hanging barely half way down, as Gojo kneels in front of them bandaging their arm and holding their hand. Megumi has Gojo's sunglasses and is labeled "gojo put the sunglasses on them to keep Megumi's hair out of wounds." Gojo says "You got pretty close this time, Gumi! Want my help taming Nue next time?" Second panel: Megumi from the waist up, looking at her bandaged arm and saying "No. I'm alright Dad." A small cartoon Megumi realizes what they said and goes "wait..." Third panel: Gojo has a closed eyes smile and says "Okay, Gumi" but is labeled "Trying very very very very hard to play it cool." Multiple loud and ugly crying cartoon Gojo's reflect his real feelings in the background. /End ID]
They proceed to never talk about it again
#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#gojo satoru#megumi fushiguro#fanart#art by this machine#daily doodle:#058#I LOVE DRAWING DADJO AND MINIGUMI SO MUCH RN#Gotta make cute fluff before the manga ends and I have a void in my heart#dadjo#minigumi#i need to make a tag for these little comics#hmmmm#nah#did i accidentally color megumi's eyes blue in that one panel ? yeah....... their pupils are drawn with the line art and i was doing some#fun lineart colors and fucked it up and then forgot and now i'm too lazy to fix it#favorite part of this: megumi is holding gojo's thumb in the first panel#and megumi's outfit is somewhat based off of tojii's#best of this machine#comic by this machine
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being aromantic is like. hey btw you're going to live a life that is the culmination of most of society's worst nightmares. sorry lol ✌️ but then you turn around and take a really good hard look at it and it turns out that living in that nightmare is fucking awesome and you get to wake up every day and take that fear that other people have and laugh and hold it close until it's a great joy for you instead. and being happy is a radical act that you define instead of someone else. and you're sexy as fuck that's just a fact of life i don't make the rules on that one
#aromantic people are just sexy i'm not making the decisions here it's just facts#course ur hot as fuck. it came free with the aromanticism#being sexy is just default settings for aromantic people 👍#hope this all helps. anyway i'm on my 'i hope i die alone <3 i can't wait to die alone <3' kick rn#i think the existential fear that people have of Not Partnering specifically is so. well.#obviously that shit is strong and it is SO awesome to be free of it.#realizing you're aro and you don't Want a partner can be such a hit to the solar plexus#cause society says that's the only thing that'll make you happy. so either you go without that thing or you force yourself#into doing something you don't want which would make you unhappy anyway.#so you think it's a lose lose situation and you have to come to terms with what amatonormativity presents as the worst possible situation#but then! whoa! turns out personhood is inherently valuable in and of itself and romantic partnering is just a construct!#and that nightmare is now your life to do with as you please... define as you will... structure as you want...#best case scenario. is what i'm saying.#every day i wake up ready to spit all that amatonormative rhetoric back in life's teeth by being alone and being happy#and it's so fucking satisfying. every day.#fucking JUBILANT being by myself. and i love being a living breathing 'fuck you' to the romantic system#you need a partner to be happy? oh that's sooo fucking crazy guess i'll go be miserable then. in my perfect fucking dream life lmao#yeah obviously it's the worst possible outcome on earth to die without a partner. so terrible. can't wait for it :)#aromantic#aromanticism#aro positivity#aroace#arospec#sorry to bitches who are sad about not having a partner. i could not give a fuck though get better soon#you couldn't EVER pay me enough to go back to a mindset in which my inherent value wasn't enough by myself.#FUCK that shit. absolutely miserable and a bad life outlook in general. like genuinely do the work w/ amatonormativity and get better#life is something that can be so fulfilling whether someone wants to kiss you or whatever or not#i'm on antidepressants and i have people i care deeply about. what the fuck would i need a partner for lmao
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size training with soobin !!! 😵💫
(lawd help me im lightheaded just by imagining it)
soobin lying back against the headboard with one hand brushing his messy hair back and the other with a loose grip on your waist. sweat dripping down his forehead while he has an cocky smile across his face scanning your body up and down as you straddle his hips. whimpering quietly “b-bin…” while he coos softly “shhh.. come on pretty girl, you can take it, can you?” >_<
lifting your hips to align his cockhead with your sopping entrance, feeling overwhelmed with his intimidating demeanor that turns you oh so subby for him !!! gasping with short “ah”s and “hnn..!!”s while you sink down on him feeling his thick, long, girthy cock scrape your insides… he’s too big you can barely take his tip in!!
“too much…” with sobs pouring from your mouth and tears pooling in your eyes before they drip onto his toned body. “so good for me baby… it can fit ‘m promise, tight pussy ‘s sucking on it so well…” soobin murmurs enamored by how fucking hot you look forcing your pretty pussy down his massive cock. god he’s so soft with you but at the same time you want to wipe off his stupid smirk that revels in your desperation.
going so dumb on his cock shuddering once you sink down completely, moaning loudly at his girth rubbing against your gummy walls and tip resting right against that one bundle of nerves <33 god you might as well see his bulge protruding your stomach. “fuck… good girl… my good girl.. so small and tiny” lips pressed against your neck, behind your ear, and trailing to your jaw..
hah… he’s such a boob guy so soobin would definitely massage your breasts mouthing at your nipples while you ride him !! sloppily rutting against him and lifting your hips just to slam down on his huge cock leaving you both in shambles but only one grows increasingly desperate “nnnghh~~!! b-bin… soobin… p-please just ah!” soobin softly biting your nipples with his hands guiding you down and him thrusting upward at the same time making you arch back in sweet pleasure @_@
what a stupid baby you are… babbling incoherent whines and moans while he puts in all the effort into molding you into his personal cocksleeve. so so dumb for him and his big cock that you end up cumming too quickly with your juices gushing out from under, coating him with your sticky mess <333 and if you thought you were done, you are so wrong !!!
“came so fast already.. you can give me another, mm?” soobin suddenly pushing you down and hovering over with your legs hooked on his shoulders. sounds of skin smacking fill up the entire room while he deliciously ruts his dick against your pussy with eyes closed to concentrate on fucking his girlfriend dumb.
he still has yet to cum too yknow?
#soobin smut#txt imagines#txt post#txt smut#size k!nk#size difference#size training#soobin big dick#i just know soobin has a big dick#i will never shut up about big dick soobin#6 ft tall handsome man fucking you stupid what’s there not to love#i need his dick so bad#i want soobin’s dick SO FUCKING BAD
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I’M SORRY. WHAT
Achilles writing the codex:
#I’m enjoying this game very much#hades game#raven rambles#wheezing on the floor#Achilles is just: ah yes. *Extreme lore drop about Zagreus* and that is why the fates made them fucking gay#Loving this game#😭 😭 😭#zagthan#thanatos#zagreus#achilles#Still need to make Achilles and Patroclus kiss and make up I haven’t gotten there yet :’)
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