#it's even longer than the 1rst part

[idrinkteawhenifeeldeadinside]

Pit Babe episode 1 rewatch/live commentary (part 2)

And we're starting strong with KENTA !!! Hi baby 🥰...Also how did you get here and how did you now that Babe was going to pass right there ???

And here they are, the stars of this show !!!!

Now, the real question : Who took this photo and when ? Because it was definitely taken in the locker room! Was is Kenta or via CCTV ? Because if it was Kenta, let's all pray that it was before the race when Babe came in and not AFTER whatever he and Charlie did....(for Kenta own sanity....or the little he has left....)

Father of the year no doubt....b*tch...... you deserve neither "your" human children nor the banzai one 😤

Knowing what Tony really intend to do to Babe render every single things he say so so much worse (and creepy)

Didn't Babe said the Charlie has to meet him at the garage and send the adresse ? I always wondered why they ended up coming together ....Did Babe go all the way to Charlie condo or did Charlie left his car further up the road and Babe drove him to the garage ?

Charlie and the car = matching color

I find Alan's tattoo fascinating by the way...

Thanks you for pointing the obvious Charlie

North and Sonic doing some mechanic things 🔥and then cutely going where Alan is for the ✨Gossip✨

And their habit of being on each side of the person they're gossiping with (ex 1)

Also both of them are wearing blue interchangeably (flashback)

If only you knew North, if only....

Charlie is like a little kid left in a toys shop crossed with a very cute puppy

Babe is so smiley when it comes to his car

His smile fading away...What's going on in that pretty little head Charlie ?

Never mind, this is the REAL STAR of the whole series

(For some reason i cannot put any more pic/gif...i will try again later)

Boohoo cry me a f*cking river Way. And i'm i spotting red on your f*ucking (but really cool) jacket ( whisper "foreshadowing")

[By the way, the "FRIENDZONE" doesn't exist. It's just a concept created by incel/"nice guy". You cannot convince me otherwise]

You know what really surprised me during the show ? The very little amount of car/racing metaphor and jokes..Color me disappointed

oooouuuuh neon scene and damn, that boy is hungry.

Has a glass wearer, let me tell you that Charlie's glass couldn't have strayed on his face when Babe took of his shirt........

Let's no talk about Pavel's backside curves

Okay, no let's talk about it, i can't be the only one obsessed with Pavel waist and "curves"

We really need to talk about Charlie obsession with Babe abdomen/chest

Babe's cross almost hitting Charlie in the face always get me

The way Babe/Pavel straddled Charlie/Pooh 🔥🔥🔥I would also gladly risk my life to have that man sit on my lap....

Babe's face showing how much fun he's having....i wonder once again if he ever experienced such fun during his past hook up

Charlie opening Babe's legs to get between them🥵

Babe cute little sound when he's stopping Charlie from kissing him, coupled with his smile, i can't 😭

Side note n°3 ? / Pavel doing whisper/soft spoken ASMR would simultanously cure and worsen my insomnia, same for Pooh

"Okay" ---> kiss his nose

Babe is eating that shit up....good for him

I have so much more to say about that scene, but i need to be able to put pic and gif

They are holding hands 😭😭😭

Charlie is so proud of himself (has he should) and Babe just have to prove him wrong😏

Physical affection is clearly one of Charlie love language.

" Bye bye"

Then him humming when getting inside the house on the next day 🫠

yep definitely fucked before breakfast

Charlie doing some kink testing...go for it baby boy

Yeah Babe's not really into that one and Charlie catching it on pretty quickly

How many round Charlie ? Be more precise, please and thanks you !

Never, ever did he stood a chance against "The pout"

It's clearly not the same clothe he was wearing before. So it's either another day or Charlie came with an entire new outfit in his bag.

I love Babe outfit in this scene, especially the jacket

Well, excuse us peasants for not having the money to buy a race car...

I will talk about Babe's house and "toys" in my Ep2 commentary

That a fair amont of trust you put in that boy, after only knowing him for max 3 days. I wouldn't even left my friends alone in my house like this.

"Bye bye" part 2

You know what's even worse about Way? It's the fact that he loves and care so much about the X-Hunter team and that's part of what drives him to do this later on.

Babe has already so much trust toward Charlie....

No drink for the puppy!

"Bye bye" part 3

Hey, not so sure about that one Charlie

Where are you looking, hm Babe ?

Wait a minute, i pretty sure i know y-

Yep

So gone and so soft already

Yeah, go for the (no)smell

Does that count as cuddling ?

You know what also bother me in the series ? The sheer lack of hickeys. I mean, those two are constantly going for each other throat and you tell me that there is not a single little red spot on their neck ??? that bullsh*t (yeah yeah i know "alpha super healing" but still)

Alan profil picture is both cute and really funny

Hey that tank top is clearly (not) doing his job

Hi baby number 2 and 3

I may hate that man, but i need his hair care routine.....

Hehe, hello tiddies🤓

Bye tiddies🥺

So, i watched every Pit Babe reactions out there, and one thing that always baffled me is the amount of people branding Charlie as a spy/a bad person. And i'm like, what??? He's literally wearing BLUE underwear in this scene!! Even his phone is blue!!!! Color theorie !!!!!!!

And that it for Episode 1 ! Episode 2 and 3 should be out during the week and episode 4 on saturday !!!

[scarareg]

Percy Jackson and The Olympians Season 1 Review (2/3)

Part 1 • Part 3

What I dislike:

The action scenes are lacking. An example is Percy fighting Mrs Dodds: 1rst-Why did it happen in front of everyone? That makes not sense. Yes, the Mist hides stuff but if a woman attacks a teenager everyone will see it! 2nd- It was weirdly paced. Like one second Mrs Dodds was standing and the next she was dead. It took me a second to realize what happened. It was anticlimactic and Percy basically did nothing,he was just lucky Riptide opened up just in time to stop her. Another scene like that was the fight against Ares. To me it was "just fine" yet not epic. I feel it should be a little longer and I wish to see more of Ares using his battle tactics and powers, he is the God of War after all. Again, it is ok for what it is but it definitely could and should have been a bigger moment as a season finale, as Percy's moment to be a hero and prove himself, and as a demonstration of power level and difference between a mortal and a God! Also, it feels kinda insane that a guy with almost no training can defeat Ares so easy. That is a problem that stems from the lack of screen time at Camp in the first episodes,seeing Percy learning how to fight; sadly it backfired in the season finale. And you may say "well,these scenes include kids so is harder to make a bigger,more explosive,more incredible action scene than if they were adults" but it's possible. In House Of The Dragon a scene with five children fighting with only sand,a rock (that is not even used) and a dagger has way more tension than the God of War fighting our hero. The Minotaur scene was fine too. There are some changes like in the book Sally tried her best to distract it but because she is a normal human she could not do much, the whole taunting the Minotaur was Percy's stuff showing his bravery (I like the idea of Sally doing that to protect her baby tho,is cute) and Percy discovered in the process that he has inhuman agility and strength; so what they changed it's fine, my only complaint would be that the scene was super dark (all night scenes are) and it was hard to see what was going on,but I feel that at this point that is a Hollywood problem, so wathever

In the book,at the battle of Percy vs Ares,Kronos himself stops Ares from killing Perseus, but here it did not happen. That moment foreshadows Kronos interest in Percy because he wants to use him as a basel

Percy intelligence is heavily underused. In the books Percy constantly connects the dots and clues to figure out who people/monsters/Gods are; in addition to getting out of situations in creative and fun ways. Here there is none of that . An excellent example is the Lotus Casino. Book Percy figured out people there get trapped while he was talking with two boys who were not from this century. In the show Hermes just told him (which by the way,making Hermes own the place makes him an asshole who traps people for some reason, and as a Hermes fan it makes me angry).

While fighting Echidna, she do not have telekinesis powers or something, Percy is being chased by her chihuahua/Chimaera and he, of his own free will, decides to jump to the water showing his bravery and how willing he is to believe his dad has his back, and he is damn right! His father helped him and he learned that he can breathe underwater. All of these if missing

Percy did not speak even once with horses,that was the whole purpose of the Zebra,which also didn't appear in an episode titled "We Take A Zebra To Vegas"

The school acting like Percy is the son of Satan himself and that the best is for Sally to teach him from home. All of this because Percy drawing something so horrible,so despicable,so wicked ...a Pegasus(?) Like WTF! that the stupidest stuff I have ever seen. A kid drawing a Pegasus is not a sign of alarm,is a sign of being a kid, you fucking morons! Its imagination and creativity,and that's it,you are supposed to work with children,how can you be scared of that?! And if a kid is wondering around in the school's rooftop,that's on the school not the child. You supposed to be taking care of him,what is a kid doing there? That's your fault for being irresponsible!

They leaving Crusty free and happy,knowing he is a serial killer,wtf! All that scene was really weird in general. Percy just walked into the store without explaining how and when they found that place, how they know the Underworld is there, and they already knew everything about the store and Crusty,it felt unnatural and unearn. And in the book Crusty doesn't guard the doors to the Underworld,because why the Gods would leave that job to a guy like that? That's Charon's job

Lotus Casino (refering to the inside, the outside is really cool) was kinda boring, and they were trapped there and not go intentionally. It is tempting for children, that is why there are games for them to play. There is a waterslide, an indoor bungee jumping bridge, hundred of videogames. Here almost everything is just gambling and I know it is a casino but in the book is cooler. And there is VR games too, and that's it.

Charon, in both the books and any myth ever,would let you pass if you give him coins,so why did they change that and make him have control over Cerberus? Is a strange decision

The Underworld is supposed to have this kinda silly elements that subvert your expectations of it,like Charon loving suits, there are lines of new people(souls) arriving, and this fun banner that reads "Judgement For Elysium And Eternal Damnation. Welcome, Newly Deceased!" , Percy mentioned he could see Sisyphus at the distance. In the show we don't see the freaking River Styx! No Elysium and seeing Percy deciding that there is where he wants to be once he dies, I think that shows his character. No Persephone's Garden with her pomegranate trees. And the Fields of Asphodel (also known as Asphodel Meadows) are not a forest,are....well,meadows; I know,shocking, kinda hard to figure that out. By the way,that is another strange change because Rick knows what Asphodel looks like,that is why he represented them as an never ending field with the "largest concert crowd" with no electricity and no noise. Ah,also, missed opportunity for a Hazel easter egg

Hades is so TERRIBLE that I almost cried! Disney, we are talking about the King of the Underworld! Do you have idea what kind of creatures live there and they'll respect and fear him? In the books is important that he resents (hardcore) his family. His children inherit that as a fatal flaw. The reason is he had two children with momma di Angelo and he loved them dearly but Zeus wanted to kill them, and finally killed her, Hades only could save the children. Add insult to injury when his 2 brothers had children and received no repercussions for it. It is the reason he did not join the war against his father until the last second (thanks Nico!) . He also feel he got the worst job and he neither lives nor is allowed freely visit the cool, bright Olympus. All of it made him a cold person. Show Hades does not feel like he went through all of that, and if he did, it is like he did not care much. The writers are taking away his complexity and now he is a joke, a boring one.

Zeus was bad too but in a different way. He is just meh, did not make me feel anything in particular. I think it may be because when I imagine Zeus I picture him as a guy with beard, kinda like Santa Claus lmao and Lance Reddick (may he rest in peace,love him) looks nothing like him, so it was hard for me to believe he was Zeus. Maybe is just a me problem to be honest. Also, they made him kinda dumb because when Percy told him his dad is planing a war, he is just like "yeah I know, but right now is more important to fight your dad Poseidon" and that is extremely stupid,to be honest

[marbearmarigold]

Phwale

My phan whale au as requested by at least one person

I don't know how y'all format fanfics on here so well I Salute You

Dan and Phil are two YouScuber whales enjoying their successful career and comeback, when a different channel pops up, hosted by two whales that look Exactly Like Them.

It had happened before.

When that channel first published, spawned was a more apt term, Dan and Phil found out from the YouScube home page. The two whales were huddled around Dan's blubtop, staring in disbelief.

"DanAndPhilCRAFTS?" said Phil, incredulously.

"We didn't make this, right?" Dan turned from the screen to look at Phil. He flicked his tail a little in stress. "I mean, we could have been deleriously drunk and filmed this...... and cleaned it up before morning..... and edited before morning..... and scheduled the post before... morning......."

"We did not make this."

"Then why are we in it? Why are we in this video?"

"I don't know," said Phil, "But we should probably watch it."

He reached over and pressed play.

They never spoke about it publicly, that year or the two following. Thankfully, the date of the upload meant that their audience assumed it was an April Fool's Day video, and that continued until today. For the most part.

There were murmurings of "crafties" of course, but they were few and far between. And since the channel hadn't posted in 7 years, Dan and Phil figured the dopplegangers had moved on, hopefully to other, more wholesome activities.

Which meant that this April 1rst hit them like an anchor.

"Oh my Neptune." Phil dropped his bowl of Kelpies onto the coffee rock in shock.

"What?" Dan swam over.

Phil showed him his shellphone, he'd been scrolling Twitter and found a screencap from YouScube.

"What?" Said Dan again. "Why? Why are they back it's been years!"

"I don't know."

They watched the video of course. It was longer than the other ones. It started out normally, as normal as a DanAndPhilCRAFTS video could be.

"Hello Crafties!" The opening line sent shivers down Dan and Phil's spines. Seeing a whale that looked like Dan speaking words he'd never said was always creepy.

They made their usual claims, that they'd been posting twice a day every day, even though this was the fourth video on their channel. They said their usual phrases: "soft and neat" "pro-tip" "mother" "Him". Their chaos beamed through the screen like sunlight through through the waves. "Don't cry, craft!"

And then....

And then it got even more sinister. The whales started filming outside, in a remote and deserted cove it looked like. They dissolved all four crafts in acid to summon Him. They went to an abandoned shipwreck covered in arcane and sinister symbols.

Dan and Phil watched all of this in horror, dread creeping up their tales. The comfort of their livingroom dropped away, they weren't in their home anymore, they were viewing themselves performing horrible acts.

They watched as Dan killed Phil. That had happened in the sea cucumber prints video, but this was more visceral. They could see the blood floating in the water, the pain in Dan's eyes as he swam to Phil's body onto the giant symbol in the middle of the deck.

Dan carved out Phil's heart.

Dan addressed the audience for the first time since they destroyed the titular slime.

"Hello crafties," He was out of breath, the sacrificial act clearly exhausted him both physically and emotionally. He took blood from Phil's heart and painted it onto one fin.

"Art.... is important."

He spread blood on his other fin.

"Soft..... and neat."

He began to do the same to Phil's fins, pressing the whale's own blood into his dead body.

"Creativity.... is nothing without friendship."

Phil's fin dropped to the floor.

"Don't cry...... Craft."

The last shot of the video was Dan and Phil, above the symbol, fin in fin. Alive? Dead? Something else? And a figure swam up behind them.

A mer-goat.

A Demon.

The water churned, white-hot, and the video ended.

YouScube auto-played one of their gaming channel videos, and the Dan and Phil sitting safe in their house were jarred back to reality.

Dan slowly reached over and clicked the airbar to pause it.

They sat in silence for a long time.

They didn't really need to speak. They knew what the other was feeling, and what the other would think about what they were feeling.

It had gone too far. The public would think it was a well produced April Fool's video. But they knew the truth.

It was real. There was a demon out there.

And Dan and Phil had to figure out what was going on at last.

"Well, Phil," Dan said, "Where do we go first?"

[thestarkerisobvious]

Mabon

amazing art work by @starker-sorbet​         A snugglefic for @mrstarksbabyy​

Sixteen

3     Mabon

As the day Tony called “Mabon” approached, Peter was very busy.  Busy storing up books, and magazine articles, the kinds that made him laugh and the kinds that made him furious.  Silent Spring.  Any article about Chernobyl.  (He had bought a multiple magazines with articles on the topic of that when they visited New York City.  The subject made him want to punch holes through walls whenever he read about them, but it was worth the money.  He knew Tony would love it.)  Busy writing down copious notes about memories in his notebooks, both happy and sad, cheerfully preparing to give each one up to Tony.  

And just as judiciously he kept a careful eye on the animal population, both wild and domesticated, around the house.  The number of barncats were getting out of hand, both May and Ben had noted, but Peter tried to discourage them from taking action, reminding them of the rat population down in the basement.  The rat population he, Peter, was supposed to be in charge of (that was another one of his secrets.  He had led them believe he was interested in becoming an exterminator, like Mike DeSlaughter’s dad.  That’s why he was in charge of the rat traps in the basement, all of which he was sabotaging himself.  He wasn’t trying to rid their household of rats, in fact he was doing everything in his power to encourage them.  He needed them for Tony.)

For the week before the 21rst of September Peter sat next to his bed, reading out loud to the darkness under the bed.  He read Hitchhiker’s Guide the Galaxy and Mad Magazine. They were long, lonely nights.  Sitting on the floor.  Leaning his head against his bed.  Reading aloud to himself for hours into the night.  Reading to the silence.  Waking in the morning to trudge, exhausted, to school to spend the day planning on reading deep into the night again.  Aching from the loneliness of Tony’s absence.  Wondering if anyone knew he was acting like a crazy person.  Wondering if it had all really been a dream.

Until that night. Four nights before the date circled on his calendar.  Sitting cross-legged on his floor and complaining bitterly about an article on endangered species, he heard it.

“Peter…”

Peter’s heart leapt. His breath quickened.  Then, with a grin that reached from ear to ear, he closed is National Geographic and dug out from his pile of books the thing that he had been saving for ages.

“Jonathan Harker’s Journal.” He read with a smile.  “3 May. Bistritz.  Left Munich at 8:35 P.M., on 1rst May, arriving at Vienna early next morning; should have arrived at 6:46, but train was an hour late. Buda-Pesth seems a wonderful place, from the glimpse which I got of it from the train…”  

He read almost all night, until finally 4 AM came about and he had to give up and crawl into his bed. The next morning was the morning he did something he had never done in his life, he convinced May and Ben that he was sick and had to miss school.  It didn’t take much convincing.  Peter never missed school.

Sleeping all day made that night so much easier, giggling his way through Life The Universe and Everything while keeping one arm fearlessly under the bed, waiting to feel Tony feed.  About 1 in the morning he finally felt it, that tiny, sandpapery tongue on his wrist. After that, he had trouble concentrating on his book.  For hours he alternated between reading and talking to Tony, telling him about his many adventure that summer as he felt his friend feeding at the pulse on his wrist, sometimes lapping, sometimes… ah yes sometimes… sucking.

And so it went.  By night he fed the thing under the bed.  By day he gave himself pep-talks and stern talking-tos.  

He was different now. Older.  Stronger.  The boy who had chickened out around Tony, more time than he could even count, was gone. That boy had been replaced. Replaced with a young man, more experienced, more knowledgeable, more confident.  Peter wasn’t a kid anymore.  Peter was going to get some answers.  And Peter was going to make some demands.

It was a Friday night when it happened.  Two full days before Mabon.  Peter didn’t know how he knew, but he knew.  As darkness fell, he stood up from the floor and sat on the edge of his bed. Over and over again he reassured himself.  Told himself to be brave.  He was dressed in his long pajama bottoms and a button-down pajama top.  He had planned this outfit for a month.  He wasn’t backing down now.

With a hiss and a whisper Tony emerged from under the bed.  Peter kept his eyes steadfastly closed as the inkblack cloud arose.  He breathed in the comforting smell of earth and burned incense, but did not look until he felt the bed sink under Tony’s weight. Only when a human-like hand reached for his hand did he open his eyes and smiled at the figure beside him.

They sat very close together, smiling, their foreheads together, and greeted each other in whispers. Sometimes only Peter spoke, letting Tony suckle the last two fingers on his left hand.  He couldn’t seem to stop touching Tony’s face, tracing the dark lines of his eyebrows, his cheekbones.  The face was pale and hollow and painfully thin, but Peter knew it would soon change.  “My sweet one, how you’ve grown, you’ve become so strong,” Tony whispered and Peter glowed under the praise.  “You will feed me well, you will make me powerful.  I will serve you so well.  I will be your beloved, my master scholar.  My library-pilgrim…”

“I keep telling you, I don’t have a Masters degree!” Peter scolded when Tony fit Peter’s fingers into his mouth again.  Peter felt like giggling with delight, even as he started to describe the parts of his science class that were actually getting interesting.  He couldn’t stop smiling.  As the September days had dragged on so painfully slow, he had begun to think that Tony had only been a daydream.  A kind of nasty invisible friend that Peter should be praying to God about.  (The boys in the First Devil’s Church Sunday School were always reminded they should pray for God to deliver them from their Dirty Thoughts.)  Now those doubts felt like dreams.  He kept Tony’s forehead close to his forehead, kept his hand close to Tony’s face.

Finally Tony let Peter’s fingers slip away from his mouth.  They held each other’s hands tightly, Peter looking deeply into Tony’s eyes.

Then Tony looked sadly behind him.  Looked at the pillows, then looked down at their clasped hands.

“You have fed me, and I have come.  I am your servant, Master Peter.  I would I were your beloved,” he whispered.  

Then he looked up at Peter with dark eyes.

“Am I no longer welcome in your bed?”

Peter squeezed Tony’s hand, took a deep breath, and then stood.

There was something he had planned on saying right at this moment, the words he would say as he unbuttoned his pajama shirt, but the words dried up in his mouth.  Something about the promises Tony had made in his bedroom in the dream-castle, promises he had never kept.

The words didn’t come, so he unbuttoned his shirt in silence.  He had planned on letting the shirt fall dramatically to the floor, but at the last minute he lost his nerve.

But words or no, drama or no, the look on Tony’s face when Peter silently climbed into his lap was absolutely worth it.

With a hungry growl that made Peter’s spine light up like stars, Tony’s mouth descended upon the vein in Peter’s neck even has his long fingers starred over Peter’s back and pulled him close.

Tony fed.

The Master (Post)

Questions, discussions, constructive crit are all welcome at @witchwayisright​

To be tagged please message me.

[cobaltcrested]

-  -  -  -  -  ⋆ . *「 HC. 」.★  MYSTOGAN. 

FORGING A KING; PART 1:     From Rags to Royalty

...or;   how a nameless little boy, with hair as blue as cobalt, became Edolas’ heir to the THRONE.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

      As a very young child, not older than five years of age, Jellal was found in the middle of some desertic valleys of Edolas by Pantherlily, who was of passage. The young boy was injured severly, especially when it came to his head --- and didn't remember anything, not even his name. Pantherlily's eyes softened when they fell upon his small form, and the Exceed decided to rescue him out of the kindness of his heart. 

     But if his benevolence was a quality for many, it was also the cat’s downfall; Pantherlily was banned from Extalia after bringing the child to the city, assisting humans ( and letting them walk upon their territory ) being forbidden.      What should have been seen an act of generosity and selflessness was instead viewed by the Exceed race as an utmost betrayal. Suddenly without a place to call his, Pantherlily was left to survive --- with, in his hold, the small, blue-haired child whose security and safety, whose life, had cost him his home.

                       ( ...but somehow, Pantherlily couldn't bring himself to regret his actions ) 

     They wandered for days --- days which turned into weeks, until they were found trespassing by the Royal Guard. The Exceed, feared by humans because of the legends fabricated by his people, was arrested and brought to the castle, to the King and the Queen --- the little boy never letting go of him, silent but attached. Pantherlily explained his situation to the monarchs; showed them the child clinging to him like a lifeline. And for the Queen, infertile but with motherly instincts stronger than the norm, it was love at first sight.

     Pantherlily and the child were both given bedrooms next to each other; linked by a door, so that they could always reach out and meet when in need. Healers took it upon them to bring the boy back to health, fully, until he was in top condition.       Yet his memories never came back. Nor did his name; the alias 'Blue' was given to him as a way to properly address him until a solution presented itself.

      And the solution, it was brought by the Queen --- the Queen who visited the boy everyday to check up on him; Pantherlily would watch from the doorway as the lady, in her long expensive gowns, would sit on the floor to talk to the nameless, family-less little boy who'd been brought to her castle's doors. Through conversations and light activities, walks ; through time spent together, they forged a bond with each other --- a friendship, but also a familial connection. 

     --- And the solution, it was brought by the Queen when she one day knocked on Patherlily's door, offering an opportunity of gold: she would officially adopt the kid, the little boy she'd come to view as the song she never could have ( --- for her body couldn't bear her husband's heir ). The child would become the next King when his turn would come --- and the Kingdom of Edolas would thus avoid seeing its regal lineage die.

           ( granted, the other option was for the King to have a child with another woman ---                              and it had been on the table, yes, but it no longer would be necessary. )

     Pantherlily would have been a FOOL not to accept. 

     He was named Royal Army Captain of the 2nd Magic War Division, as well as Godfather of the child. The blue-haired boy was dubbed Jellal --- meaning "greatness, superiority, renown". The royal couple, as well as the kingdom in its entirety, welcomed the newly adopted Prince with warmth. 

     King Faust, a calm and serene, wise man who carried Edolas' weight upon his shoulders --- a gentle ruler --- might not have latched emotionnally onto the kid as his wife had --- regarding him with a fondness upon his childish innocent, his shy and quiet, but curious nature; but never had the time to properly build a relationship with him due to his royal duties: viewing him as his son, per se, but not loving him as much as a father should.

( for he felt love, yes, but most because of how happy and glowing his arrival made his wife --- who truly did own every single centimeter square of the heart that beat inside his ribcage. )

     Jellal had a lovely childhood from then on, growing inch after inch, expanding under the royal roof, in the gardens where he seeked peace when crowded events became too overwhelming, where he played and befriended a little tornado with fiery red hair and bruised knees ( the daughter of Knightwalker, 1rst Magic War Division Captain )          ...in the embrace of his mother the Queen, with whom he shared a bond that grew stronger and stronger throughout the months --- and the years.... 

      But happiness was not everlasting.

PART 2. --- White Petals

PART 3. --- ???

PART 4. --- ???

[doingitthehardway]

go back to what makes you happy.

It has been a brutal year. so brutal in fact that I am just now realizing that in order to survive what comes next I will have to save most of my energy for taking care of my youngest son Quinn who is currently is going through a spectacular bout of anxiety and OCD. Autism is one thing but we are currently in the process of having my son diagnosed with PANS or PANDAS which is basically and autoimmune reaction that causes significant inflammation in the brain which then leads to OCD like behavior, anxiety, tics and in our case stuttering refusing to interact with anyone, and bouts of aggression. 

http://www.pandasnetwork.org/understanding-pandaspans/what-is-pandas/ 

So in amongst all the work, the therapist appts. trying to learn the best way to use an autism advocate, trying to sell my home and move to a better school system, the psychiatrist appts, the neurology appts 3 hours away, I need to keep a hold of something that is mine.  I have done an Ironman or half Ironman every year for the last 7 years. Is it 7? it might be 8.... hold up a sec. https://www.athlinks.com/athletes/60869575/results looks like it was 7 years. 

 Doing endurance sports makes me happy, makes me feel accomplished, it makes me feel successful. Autism, PANDAS parenting does not for the most part give me a feeling of success, it is a long road with no markers or road map and no promise of upwards development.  It is accurate to say that my family is in a state of almost complete lockdown. We are unable to go anywhere with Quinn due to unpredictable behavior, random rages and his super high anxiety response to anywhere other than our house or my truck. 

The last few years I have set big goals for myself and managed to somehow squeak through and make them happen. In retrospect this is basically a miracle. Every year the last 3 years my life has become gradually subtly ever so much smaller year to year month to month day to day. We used to go to at least 2 restaurants. Now its a big deal to get a slurpee at the 7/11. We used to be able to go to the doctors office. The last trip to the doctors I ended up using ativan to calm my son and we still ended up with screaming when the Doctor tried to use the stethescope. 

My older son and I were able to travel by ourselves to Atlanta and visit with family over Christmas for 4 days. We had an amazing time. It made me realize how completely small my families life, my life has become. The littlest things were an adventure, going to a farmers market and having the chance to talk to vendors instead of worrying where my son was or when he would melt down and run to the truck. During this visit I took the opportunity to run.  The previous week I hadnt run at all. Which to be honest is a pretty good indication of how bad my mindset was. The weather the first day was 68 degrees. I headed out with literally the least amount of clothing on I could pull off with out getting an indecency charge by the local PD. It was slow but wonderful. I used to think I was relatively speedy, then 2 things happened, 1. I got older and 2. I raced Ironman for too long.  Anyway the runs have been a blast and on a lighter note Ive managed to keep running not far not fast but every day since then.  

So that leads me to my current state. Its January 1rst. Im trapped at home with a son who needs significant medical help, my to do list is 5 pages long, literally. Now is a time to set big goals right? All those memes say, push as hard as you can for as long as you can then push harder, just do it, never give up, more is more, harder faster longer.  Guess what? No. Just no. More is not more. Sometimes things need to be simplified and brought down hopefully in order to let some joy come out and some mental and physical recovery happen. But I cant just give up. So I will do this. I will go back to what makes me happy. I will just run. I have some small goals but I think I will keep them close to the vest right now.  Lets lick our wounds and look forward and hope, wish, pray, even though I dont, that the next year will be kinder to my family and myself. 

[helplessly-burning-blog]

Sweetheart, what have you done to us {2nd part}

Pairing: Alexander Hamilton x Reader

Summary: You found out your husband is cheating on you so you avoid him and send him to sleep in his office. Months later, just when you thought maybe you were being too cruel with him he goes and publishes The Reynolds Pamphlet.

Word count: 2,726

Time period: Hamiltime

Warnings: Mentions of cheating, angst.

Note: Okay, this really took longer than I thought and it ended differently of what I had planned initially but I liked it, so finally here it is the second (and last?) part! I really hope you enjoy it!  ♡

1rst Part 

_______________________________

You were used to going to bed and fall asleep without him. You were used to the almost inaudible sound of the quill serving as your lullaby. You were used to hearing the door of your room opening at some point in the middle of the night. But you weren’t used to the cold sensation of waking up alone… and you wondered if you would ever be.

108 mornings had passed since the last time he had woken up next to you with his arms firmly wrapped around your waist and his breath tickling softly against your neck. You didn’t count the days, but you did count the letters he left you every dawn in what used to be his side of the bed.

The first ones have been pleas for forgiveness, filled with regret and desperation. At letter number 34 they started being promises. Now they were love declarations, just like the ones he had written you long ago when he had courted you.

It was bittersweet to think about those times now. But you still remembered how he had looked at you when he met you for the first time; he couldn’t stop smiling and it was the most beautiful smile you had ever seen.

You sighed and took today’s letter. Like all the others, it was neatly folded and smoothly impregnated with violet scent; excitedly waiting to be open. So you did, you opened it and read it.

The words inside were what you expected them to be: the usual Good morning, followed by sweet nothings, he then proceeded to talk about his day and ask about yours. Just like a letter, you would send someone who is far apart from you. And the fact that you were actually far apart from each other when all that was between the two of you was a door was funny in a cruel way.

You finished your reading and folded the letter again to save it with the other 107 inside a small coffer. Not the one in which you had the letters from more than ten years ago, no, that one was almost sacred for you. You had another one just for this letters. At first, you had intended to throw away his apologies –the proof being the first seven letters that you totally crumpled– but there was no use, even after all these years you were still incapable of rejecting him.  

You didn’t know if he had kept his word of not seeing that woman again but at least he had complied your demand; he didn’t bring her to your house anymore. That didn’t take the damage away, not the pain nor the tears, but it was something. At least you knew he really regretted it.

The clock struck a quarter past eight when you left your room and headed downstairs to make breakfast. It was still early but not early enough for your husband to still had not left to work, so finding him on the stairs; right in front of you, on his way up and you on your way down was surprising, to say the least.

You held your breath and he sighed with a little smile on his lips.

“That coral dress suits you magnificently, ” he said, looking at you adoringly.

“Thank you”

You would be lying if you'd say he wasn’t capable of making butterflies flutter in your stomach anymore. But that wasn’t enough and you wouldn’t give him that satisfaction, so you continued in your way down without another word…. And he followed you, of course he did.

Once in the kitchen, you tried to ignore his presence, making more noise than necessary when placing the casserole and other things on the table and taking your time washing the vegetables, but his stare on every little move you did and his almost palpable nervousness made it impossible.

“Is there anything you need, Alexander?” you asked him suddenly “You are quite late for work today”

“I know, but I just couldn’t leave without talking to you first”

So now I am more important than your work?  You thought bitterly, looking for the oats in the cupboard “The go ahead, I’m listening”

“No, (Y/N)…” he approached you and placed a slightly trembling hand on your shoulder, trying to catch your attention “I know I don’t deserve even a minute of your time, but I need you to really listen to me about this”

You took in a sharp breath at his closeness and squeezed your eyes shut in consideration, but finally nodded at his request, stepping away from him and turning around to look him in the eye “I am all expectation” you said, encouraging him to talk “but please don’t ever lay a hand on me again without my consent”

“Of course… I’m sorry. It won’t happen again” his voice was so small and broken it pained you, and it also reminded you why you had been avoiding him for more than three months.

“Philip will wake up in any minute so…” your tone was warmer this time, a subtle attempt to comfort him in any way “It will be better if you tell me now”

“(Y/N)…” he collected his thoughts and almost took your hands in his, before remembering what you had said not even a minute ago and dropped his hands at his sides awkwardly “I am not certain whether or not you had read my letters. If you had, I hope it counts as a sign that I still occupy a place in your heart for small it may be, a place I know I am unworthy of, but a place that I still long for more than anything else in this world.” It hurt you deeply to see him so doleful, so you tried to avert your gaze, but he pleaded you with his eyes not to do so and so your eyes stayed on his.

“I am not telling you this with the intention of asking for your forgiveness. Believe me, today less than ever is the appropriate timing. The only thing I am daring to ask for you is to never forget that I love you and to don’t ever doubt it. I know my actions don’t speak well of me and I am a reason for shame, but since the moment I saw you I knew you were my destiny, (Y/N), that you would be the mother of my children, my support, and my best friend, the one who would grow old with me–…”

“Alexander, stop” you implored fighting back tears.

“I’ll stop” he nodded “I’ll do whatever you tell me to do. But please, please (Y/N), promise me you won’t ever forget that I love you”

What are you going to do? Your eyes screamed and he seemed to openly ignore the question. Why are you telling me this? Why does it feel like a goodbye?  

“If… if I promise you that, you must promise to me to don’t do anything stupid or reckless”

He gave you a sad smile and your heart almost stopped. You knew it was useless to ask him not to do something stupid but whatever it was this time, it had probably already happened and he was apologizing beforehand.

“Alexander…!”

“Mama?”

You turned your face away from his to look at the door, finding your daughter and elder son standing there.  

“Sorry, she was hungry” Philip explained, apparently having noticed the tension “But we can come back later,” he said taking the little hand of his sister and leading her back to the living room.

“But I want my cookie now!”  

“Shhh”

“It’s alright, honey” you reassure him with a soft smile “I was just about to make breakfast”

The face of your little girl lightened up at your statement and soon the two of them were standing in front of you. You hug them, placing a chaste kiss on their foreheads “Good morning, did you sleep well?”

The four of you exchanged some words at the kitchen and then your husband left for work. None of you had made the promise to the other.

Your other son came down some minutes later and you ate calmly with your children. You took them to school, and when you came back the parlour-maid had already cleaned and tidied the reception room and living areas, making you realize that you were late.

“Good morning, Mrs. Hamilton” she greeted you when she noticed your presence “Is there anything I can do for you?”

“Oh, no, Grace, I was just lost in thought” you admitted “You did an excellent job as always, this room is impeccable”

She thanked you with a smile and you took your leave to your room.

You were anxious, nervous, and maybe even paranoid. What in the world had Alexander done? Or was he about to do it? Could you still be in time to do something to stop him? When you passed the market in your way home everyone had been muttering and throwing insistent glances in your direction so probably whatever it was had already happened but…  

“Madame, are you alright?”

You stopped your train of thought and in your tracks too, because apparently you had been walking like a caged lion without realizing it.

“Charlotte…” you said with a sigh of relief at the sight of the housekeeper at your door “Please, tell me, have you listened to anything about a duel taking place today or something of the kind?”

“Mrs. Mcgrory had the impertinence to came here to talk to you about it, with the pamphlet in hand and all but I took the liberty of sending her away, knowing she is not in the best of terms with you Madame” she declared red in the face, apparently still agitated by the incident.

“What are you talking about?” you asked feeling your mouth dry and your heartbeat in your ears “A pamphlet? So there really was a duel? Is my Alexander alright?!”

“Please calm down, Madame, there was not duel” Charlotte assured you, placing her small and wrinkled hand on your shoulder, using the other one to tuck a lock of hair behind your ear, just like she used to do when you were younger. And just like on those old times you relaxed a little, feeling the air slowly returning to your lungs.

“Then what happened?”

She gave you a preoccupied look before she answered “Mr. Hamilton published something this morning” she explained “I thought you already knew, but I am not sure if it would be good for you to read it”

“I must read it” you declared “If you have a copy, please bring it to me”

“Of course, Madame,” she said stepping away “With your permission”

After that everything seemed to happen in slow motion but an incredibly fast speed at the same time.

The writing your husband had published was titled ‘The Reynolds Pamphlet’ and it explained with disgusting detail his affair with Maria Reynolds; the woman you saw that day at the staircase, the one he had swear not to see again, the one that helped Alexander to break your heart. And how she had approached him requesting his help and monetary aid but in the end ‘Some conversation ensued from which it was quickly apparent that other than pecuniary consolation would be acceptable’.

Every word you read felt like a stab and caused physical pain in your chest. Your tears ruined the paper in your trembling hands more than once and you had to take many pauses to fight your sobs, but somehow managed to get to the end of it. When you did, you finally let yourself fall apart. You cried your heart out, crumpling the paper till it was unreadable.

You burned it. You burned the Reynolds Pamphlet and all the letters Alexander had written you over the years; the 108 apologies, the few ones he had sent you that summer when you were at your father’s house, those he sent when he was fighting in the war, and… and even the ones of your youth, the ones that had made you fall madly in love with him.

You cried the whole time, watching the flames slowly consume the paper and the ink till there was nothing more than ashes and smoke. All the promises, all the sweet words, all the memories were gone, burning just like your very heart.

It was done. And you felt weak and numb. All he said in the morning… it was good you hadn't made that promise because right now you wondered if he really knew what ‘love’ means in the first place. Someone who loves you doesn’t do things like this. Someone who loves you doesn’t cheat on you. Someone who loves you doesn’t make you wonder if you are still alive because you can’t feel your heart anymore.

You finally opened the door of your room only to find Charlotte there just about to knock, with concern drawn all over her face.

“I sent Grace to pick up the kids from school” she explained when you didn’t utter a word, “I thought you may be indisposed”

“Thank you…” you murmured with a sore voice, your eyes still red and glassy “I don’t want to look like this in front of them” you confessed “Philip probably already knows too and… I d-don’t…” you couldn’t help but cry again, lowering your head and trying to cover your eyes with your hand.

She hugged you firmly and you cried even more. Charlotte had been with you all your life, she was your nanny, then your lady’s maid, even your chaperone in your first dates with Alexander, now she was your housekeeper and you dared to say she had always been like your second mother.

“It afflicts me to seeing you like this, my girl,” she said “That young man has really messed up this time. If you allow me I’d like to share some words with him about it”

You only shook your head and held her closer “No, it won’t be necessary. But I need you to do something else for me”

“Anything for you, my dear”

“Please take good care of him,” you said with a small voice this time “Don’t let him skip meals or close himself up in the study for days on no end” you could feel her confusion at your words, so you explained yourself “I’m leaving with the kids to my father’s house”

The sky was pink when you left a neatly folded piece of paper on your side of the bed. Your sons and daughter were already waiting for you with their luggage in the carriage parked in front of the house. You gave the room a last glance and left.

… … … … … … …

Alexander,

If you are reading this it means that I am gone, so read it slowly.

I must admit I am so deeply torn between loving you with everything I have and drowning in the bitterness that this love is accompanied by.

My sister said to me once that love is like handing someone a gun, having them point it at your heart, and trusting them to never pull the trigger. But the thing is, Alexander, that you have pulled the trigger more than once and I am not sure if I have a heart anymore.

I believe that people have the right to make mistakes, but I also believe in the right that has the self to decide if it's worth going ahead or not. And I don’t know if I will be able to forgive you this time. I don’t know if it will come to the day that I’ll trust you again, or in which I’ll feel safe by your side just like I used to feel an eternity ago.

I’m leaving you because I need to find myself and I need to forget you. I need to forget how much I loved you and how much I must hate you. I’m leaving you to punish you; to make you feel the absence you had left in me. I’m leaving you because to stay is to die and you are killing me, and I need to know if there is life after losing you.

Goodbye, my dearest. 

[zajimachi]

I went to the last day (or experience as he called it) of Arimura Ryutaro's solo project at the Shinagawa Stellar Ball live house. I expected the live to be good: I loved the album, I kept listening to the song, I translated the lyrics ... But I didn't expect this live to have such a lasting imprint on me.

I went quite early to line before the opening of the goods. It was freezing and sometimes I even wondered if it was worth it to come that early to that live when I had already seen Ryutaro with Plastic Tree or as Neji so many times (spoilers: it was worth it). I bought the tour T-shirt, the IC card case and 5 picture sets at random (if we wanted more, we had to queue again). Miracle, I got all the 5 different sets in one go !

My serial number to get into the live house was n°705 and I was actually a bit down when I got my tickets the previous month. My numbers for the Kita Pura Yuku Pura lives at the end of 2016 weren't good either and in general, I just don't get amazing numbers for Pura. But I was able to get myself to maybe the 6th/7th row and I was wearing platforms, so I could see pretty well (I still wish I'll be able to grab a 1rst or 2nd row for a live this year).

Ryutaro started with the op, the acoustic version of his songs, not necessarily in order. He was sitting, all dressed in white, in the middle of the stage with just his guitar. He was surrounded by Ebisuwa Naoki the accordionist and Nomura Keiichiro with the piano/keyboard. Between him and the audience, there was a veil on which they projected pictures, lights and image effects for each song. Often, you could see Ryutaro through the veil when they used a certain type of light or image. It felt surreal, like you weren't totally watching music live. It sometimes looked more like theatre and poetry combined.  

Then, the second part was him, dressed as in the merchandisings with the long black vest and the heavy earings/collar, surrounded by the whole band Demonstration, themselves dressed all in black. They started with Genkeitêpu ... and woah. I rarely love intro songs, but genkeitêpu is actually one of my favourite of the album ... but in live, IN LIVE ... I already want to listen to it again and again. Ryutaro was at the piano, the whole other band started playing and the atmosphere completely changed. It was intense, beautiful and poetic. I seriously thought "I don't want this song to end" and I wouldn't be able to explain why and how.  

They did all the songs of the album in a similar arrangement than the CD and yet a tiny bit different: some sound effects here and there, an introduction slightly different and a guitar more aggressive, etc. The members (especially Hirotoshi) seemed to be thrilled to be there, and sometimes you could see them smiling to each other or mumbling the lyrics at the same time as Ryutaro was singing in the mic. It felt nice that even the support band was so into that work and was giving their best. Yet, they stayed in the back, the real star of that evening being Ryutaro.

Then, during the encore, they all came back dressed with the tour Teeshirt and played again two of the songs this time in a very rockish way. The tempo was much faster, more uptight and the whole audience was totally excited. Ryutaro has so few songs in this album, so if he wanted the live to be longer, he had to redo them. You would have thought that after the op and the actual songs, it would get boring ... But not at all. We heard three times most of them and yet I wasn't bored for the slightest. He put so much emphasis in the arrangement that the atmosphere, each time, drastically changed and you felt like you were discovering a total different tune.  

Finally, Ryutaro came back for a second and final encore. He was wearing the black vest over his Tour T-shirt. He sat down again with the accordionist and the keyboardist and they played again two of the songs in acoustic but in a totally different way from the op.

During the whole live I was overwhelmed by the lights and the scenery. The lights were choosen with such delicacy, it was incredible. Yet, the decoration was simple, it wasn't over the top and except for the lights they didn't use many effects. But, I loved it because it felt like even the simplest thing was choosen with care and thoughts. I loved when a light so bright lightened up the band to the extent you would have thought you were looking at a monochromatic picture. During the op, Ryutaro was singing while in front of him, on the veil, was pictured an enormous picture of a flower slowly withering. It was amazing. Truly, the lights were beautiful.  

Contrary to his lives as in Plastic Tree, Ryutaro didn't talk much except to thank everybody for coming to his live or to apologize for being nervous. But at the end, he looked to the V.I.P booths, joined his hands and said something like "To the three members of Pura who let me do egoistically all of this, my biggest thanks" and he lowered his head. As much as I adore Ryutaro, Plastic Tree is my first love and I love love love that band from all my heart. So, I got emotional that the band came to see him (not all bands do so), and that he took the time to acknowledge and thank them. It feels nice to have a band so close and full of love and respect.

That live is the kind of moment you can't describe with words because it's a sensory experience. The lights, the music, the drums you feel in your skin, the voice, the lyrics, the pictures, ... everything is part of the experience and it proves in such a clear way how going to a live is more than stupidly listening to music.

From time to time, I shed a tear or two, but because I was so happy to be alive, to be in Japan at the same time as Ryutaro and to be able to experience it. I kept thinking "I'm so proud of him", because the music, the lyrics and the whole aesthetic was so matured and personal and beautiful.

He said it was the last live experience of this tour, and he remembered everybody of the upcoming Spring Tour for Plastic Tree. He added that he hoped he would be able to redo such experience and hope for everybody to come see. I want to say "yes". I'm so excited for what he is goind to create.

He's such a brilliant artist.