#it's confusing to think that this is how my love has manifested itself but ok <3333 lets just go with it

[fairyhaos]

how seventeen deal with your period cramps

requested by anon: "Would it be ok for you to write : How would Seventeen react and help with bad period cramps ? (I am currently on my period and its killing me... I can barely stay up, cramps are hurting as hell, I have nausea, hell I feel the worst...)"

notes: tw for menstruation pain, reader therefore has a uterus

masterlist

seungcheol:

tbh he's kinda a little bit Clueless, but he tries his best. cannot fathom the amount of pain you're in, but he does his research and immediately jumps up to boil water for a hot water bottle the second you tell him you're on your period. is confused by the idea of pre-menstrual syndrome n thinks that it's very unfair: bc you can be in pain???? even before the actual menstruation itself???? that sounds terrible :((( always has his arms open for a hug

jeonghan:

spots its arrival better than you. can tell when your period is coming like some sort of seer. has a cupboard full of chocolates and snacks which he stocks up constantly and allows you to take your pick of whatever you feel like having when you're on your period. insists that you don't have to do anything while you're going through the worst of your cramps, tells you to just lie down w the hot water bottle he made for you n he'll do whatever you need okay? 

joshua:

you Need to tell this man whenever your period starts bc otherwise he'll get upset that his calendar is all messed up :(( i firmly believe shua is the typa guy to keep track of your schedules for you, even if your cycle isn't regular. does Everything you want. you wanna eat a whole tub of Celebrations? he's rooting for you. need to cry bc the world is just too frustrating? tell him what movie you wanna cry to, he'll stream it illegally if that's what it takes. will probably also end up crying w you, but hey, we love a supportive guy <3

junhui:

curses the menstruation gods every time you tell him you're having cramps again. is essentially trying to stuff you full of painkillers the entire day bc he hates the idea of you being in pain </3 wanted to buy one of those period cramp simulator machines to see how bad it was for you, ended up chickening out when you told him vv seriously that it was like being thrown into the pits of hell. isn't allowed near the kettle to boil water for you (due to previous Mishaps), so he'll give you a pillow to put over your stomach and hug you in his arms for warmth

hoshi:

is confused for all of two seconds every time you tell him you're having rlly bad cramps (again?? didn't you have them last month??) before it clicks in his head. coos and baby-talks to you, offering his shoulder for you to sleep on if the physical contact will help. builds you a pillow fort to get comfortable in practically every single time. you had a really bad headache one month, and so now he's constantly talking in a hoarse whisper when your cramps are bad

wonwoo:

he's not Entirely sure what to do, but he does know that period pain can often manifest itself in mood swings, so he's always extra caring and considerate around your time of the month. will Let himself be yelled at if you do end up getting frustrated, then will hug you and pat your hair to help you calm down after. makes hot water for all the hot water bottles that you're ever gonna need. 

woozi:

makes sure you take your painkillers on time, and also makes sure you eat. he's heard from his mom that loss of appetite can happen often during periods, especially when cramps are bad, and so he encourages you to eat foods with lots of magnesium and nitrates in it. will hug you if the cramps are really bad and you're practically crawling to him in tears. will probably hug you even if you're only pouting and talking in a sad voice tho, tbh. 

minghao:

he researched that milk chocolate and white chocolate increase cramps pain, and so now he only ever gives you dark chocolate that's 60% cacao and above. has encouraged you to take up meditation when you're not on your period, saying it'll help strengthen you. you're still not entirely sure it's working, but then again, it's better to try than not. swaddles you in fluffy blankets and cushions bc seungcheol stole the hot water bottle to help with his indigestion or something

mingyu:

he's a lil confused, but he means well. carries you bridal-style everywhere you wanna go. searched up the types of foods best to eat to help with period cramps, and cooks food with lots and lots of spinach in it. regardless of whether you like it or not, because it's good for you and makes you feel better. spoon-feeds you the soup he makes, asks if it's making you feel warm inside with his adorable bright eyes

dokyeom:

has a little corner in the bottom of his wardrobe full of sanitary pad packages, bc one time he panicked when you asked him to buy you some and practically cleared the whole shelf of them. also has like 3 boxes of chocolates stacked on top of them bc of that same time where he panicked and ended up buying too many. as a result, always has supplies whenever you need them. is a little clueless too, but he's willing to help w lots of hugs and warmth!! 

seungkwan:

Knows your menstruation cycle for you. frets if you're a few of days early or a few of days late. if you have an irregular cycle, then oh god he's analysing everything to see if there's any sort of pattern. ngl he's a little nervous of you when you're on your period, but he's always ready to open his arms for you to draw you in for a hug if you need. starts crying if you end up crying bc of the pain/ mood swings, bc he's an empath okay n he feels your pain so bad

vernon:

i get the feeling he's like. the hidden pro at dealing with cramps. you tell him that you're hurting, and he's already boiled the kettle to make you a hot water bottle, arms laden with snacks and blankets and do you wanna come into his room to relax and watch the new movie he's fixated on or do you wanna just go to your room by yourself and sleep? big encourager of sleeping through cramps, bc he swears it helps so much and actually. he is so right it really does

chan:

went through like five different brands of paracetamol with you during your previous cramps to see which one was the best n lasted the longest. steals the expensive chocolates from mingyu's stash bc really, the guy has far too much and it's more deserving to go to you when you're in pain and also pls share w him as a thankyou for getting them for you. offers to run you a bubble bath to help you relax, often forgets about the bath while he's doing other stuff and almost makes it overflow

request guidelines

[smileposting]

one of the Big Hurdles for me when it comes to thinking about the drain is trying to strike that balance between "engages meaningfully with GGG's Overarching Themes" and "could plausibly exist in a saturday morning cartoon setting, goofs and all." with that said here's some of my favorite ideas i've gathered from both me own brain and mutuals on discord/bluesky. unless stated otherwise none of these are Necessarily meant to overlap with one another. But They Can.

though the environment is harsh and resources are scarce, drain society itself is rather mundane. the twist is that both the grove and the drain are convinced that the other island is the worst possible fate that could befall anyone ("i hear nobody ever gets to leave the drain" vs "those who leave for the grove never come back...") and the bonkers fucking yonkers geography going on between them does not help. should they ever make proper contact postcanon there will be a lot of initial confusion. this one came about from spitballing with my lovely mutual momo who is Not on tumblr but has made some beautiful art/exploration of drain environments.

my other mutual cici's brought up the idea of there being a Drain-Specific Branch of the bizzyboys meant to look after those still in the drain + the org As A Whole reforming into a sort of mutual aid/outreach program thing (or at least such a group being set up in their place) which i also think is cool. something something embracing one's roots/place of origin albeit in a kind of roundabout way rather than shunning them entirely. i also like the idea of like, the drain branch getting news of the disbandment of the surface branch and coming up to have, ah, some strong words with hector about how if he's really gonna turn himself around then he's gotta help them get their shit sorted, too. after all, every good grove citizen knows you don't maintain a paradise through being complacent!

i know i talk about the idea that the drain is the idea of oblivion/irrelevance made manifest to be like an inverse of the grove being all about preservation and archival and recordkeeping and history In General. but i'm about to do it again: i think there's something kinda beautiful n bittersweet about the idea of there being genuine communities that have formed among people deemed Forgotten. our environment may quite literally be out to fucking kill us and any progeny we may have in here but i want you alive and hey that's gotta count for somethin'. i think this also presents a cool lil moral conundrum that could be explored in postcanon fanwork. like from the perspective of someone who's like. ok well what if i don't want to be forgotten but i also don't want to uproot my whole goddamn house just to be remembered. what if i just want to fix my house. after all, isn't that just as metal as a mass exodus?

i don't really have an end goal here i just think fan speculation meeting worldbuilding is sick as fuck lol. what are y'alls favorite ideas for the drain?

[crossedwiress]

thanks for the tag jess @daydadahlias!! <3

i don't even know how to start explaining this. realistically, calum should be a little further down from the 'i want to fight them' side ? probably?? but its too late now - i went with my first instinct, which said FIGHT. i would also love to fight luke, idk why but i feel like that would be an ~interesting~ match. and no, i don't want to fight ashton or michael, bc they're both too soft for that and i love them in a very protective way <3

[findingmyselfatm]

I'm writing another astrology post so you know what that means: venus-mars

Dislcaimer: I am no professional, take what resonates

Venus-mars is an interesting one imo, mainly because the planets are so different. Venus: love, affection, romance, and Mars: anger, temper, ambition and drive (ahem ahem and sexuality).

Anything in aspect with Mars becomes related to our ambition, drive and sexuality. Depending on the sign as well, anger has more potential to manifest in this area.

So, with venus-mars, relationships are like a battleground (not to be dramatic or anything-). Motivation, anger and conflict comes from them, and can manifest in a multitude of ways depending on the aspect and sign.

Hot. OK no jk jk, but really appealing, sexually or not. Venus is love and beauty, and mars is rawness for the lack of a better term. Together, they form a very contrasting but intriguing aura. What is supposed to be traditionally gentle and romantic turns intense and shocking.

May or may not find themselves in a lot of conflict in relationships (more common with harsh aspects).

You can skip this one if you're uncomfortable with sexual topics. Switch energy. Ok no jk again- but let me explain. I think venus-mars makes someone more passionate and intense, and somewhat daring with a fluctuating (perhaps high) libido. That's why I think most of them wouldn't be exactly bottoms. If so then at least a bratty one-

As previously stated, motivation is tied to their relationships. They may be more prone to easily get discouraged or encouraged by others' people responses. I think these people are reactive as well. Altho this doesn't always mean hot-headed, or a quick temper. F.e. gemini trine libra mars. Not the most confrontational of signs, but together with that air energy they are more likely to get involved in others' opinions.

Their type can vary, but definitely has some mars like traits. Ambitious and confrontational. They can also enjoy some push and pull as flirting a lot, also some banter and raw exchange of emotions.

I heard these people make great dancers and like, it's true??? I have libra venus square cancer mars, and despite this because of other aspects in my chart and my disinterest in the sport I suck at dancing. BUT, I have a couple of friends with venus-mars and uhm, I'd honestly ask them for lessons.

I also have a theory. These people can base their appeal on how they look, which ain't bad but if overdone it simply becomes overlooking their other qualities. They're more than their looks.

PROTECTIVE! Mars is also about protecting your own (coming from the traditional scorpio part of the planet), so these people can be very protective of their loved ones, especially if venus or mars is in a sign like cancer, taurus, scorpio or capricorn.

Venus conjunct mars merges the two planets together. One isn't without the other. In romance, they love a challenge, some drama, typical run and chase. They can be somewhat pushy, but this shouldn't be mistaken as being inconsiderate. They're involved and devoted to their passions. They can also have high stamina (take that as you will).

Venus trine mars is an easy aspect. Things flow easily. They're energetic, which draws people in. Protective and proactive in their relationships (more depending on the signs). Definitely fun. The dark side is that the trine can be easily taken advantage of. They can become disregarding of others and push their ambitions, or be too passive and neglect their own goals for their relationships.

Venus sextile mars is another positive aspect. Attractive and daring, many people like them. A little wild as well, and I am sensing dancing talent with this one. More low-key than the trine, but more responsible I believe.

Venus square mars is our first harsh aspect. Sheeee, I have this one :/. Internal conflict is big here. Feminity and masculinity are in a fight. Their relationships, romance, love and harmony versus their goals, ambitions and anger. Depending on the signs, one side is stronger than the other, applies to opposition as well. F.e: scorpio venus square aquarius mars is more likely to choose themselves, meanwhile pisces venus square gemini mars others. This creates a lot of inner turmoil but also confusion in their relationships. Take this with a grain of salt btw. The key here is compromise. They gotta find the middle ground between their romantic and passionate needs, peace and aggression.

Venus opposite mars is our last harsh aspect. The opposition expresses itself more outwardly. These people can have a lot of conflict in their relationships, but also how they display their character as well (venus like or mars like?). They may experience a lot of contradicting emotions as well regarding romance. This aspect however offers an attractive magnetism, excitement too. The way to deal with the opposition is to take the middle road, and find what suits them best while not neglecting one planet or the other.

As an end note, I kind of like venus-mars aspects. The harsh ones are indeed difficult to deal with as an outsider, but there are plenty of good parts as well. Very passionate, and exciting.

Thank you for reading!

[cerastes]

What do you make of Specter's operator record? Personally I liked it, but that's with the knowledge we're getting more Specter backstory soon.

Ok, so! Just as you pointed out, I went into it with the knowledge that:

We're getting Under TIDES soon.

Specter gets a second Operator Record later, some time after Under TIDES.

And with that in mind, I'm fine with it, but if I was a CN player and all we got was Specter's first Operator Record without any knowledge of the future, I would be pretty pissed, lmao. In fact, CN players were pretty pissed, the reception to her Operator Record was pretty bad. Specter is a popular character both in terms of gameplay and character (the latter more so in China, she gets a steady influx of cosplayers, fanart and fanfic in Weibo, Lofter, and such). It's believed that Hypergryph announced her second Operator Record because of this backlash.

Now, with the context and preamble on the table, I want to say: Great idea, not so great execution. Overall, I enjoyed it, but again, that's only with knowledge of the future. Despite that, I sincerely praise Hypergryph for actually having the balls to try a narrative approach like this one on a mobile game. The thing is, just because an idea is interesting doesn't mean it's good, and I think a lot of aspiring writers and designers need to hammer that in their head, especially armchair game designers that like to theorize oh so much about how cool it would be to have a game that did this or that. I don't care if it's cool or not, is it enjoyable to experience?

And that's just the thing with Specter's Operator Record: It felt lackluster in many regards. The approach was definitely interesting, bold, I'd even say, but that doesn't really matter too much if the result isn't a success, now, does it? Let's immediately address the Originium Slug in the room: Specter doesn't even appear in it. Now, is that an interesting approach to an Operator Record? Sure! Is it good? I don't really think so, especially with a character that fans really have been clamoring to see more of in actual cutscenes, given the wealth of clues they've put regarding Specter in other places:

Blue Poison' Files -> We learn that Blue Poison knew Specter personally before her descent to madness, addressing her with her real name.

Skadi's Dialogue -> Skadi implies that Specter was on a very important mission, and more or less confirms she knew her before she went crazy.

Several pieces of official art -> Specter is associated with the phrase "All seas are singing your name".

Ceobe's Fungimist -> It's implied the cursed painting depicting the end times is the same confusing painting Specter painted in her Token.

Rosmontis' Files -> It's confirmed that Specter's spinal cord is filed to the brim with originium fluid, and the Medical Team theorizes that, just like Rosmontis, her infection was artificially induced. It also confirms that they have no idea how Specter is able to fight such an insanely high level of infection.

So, see, this has been a character that fans have really been clamoring to see again. The only cutscene Specter's ever been is the secret cutscene of Grani and the Knight's Treasure AKA the very first event in the game. Understandably, after two years of the game existing, people were a bit miffed that once again we just get breadcrumbs and a non-participation 'appearance', to say the least, in what's supposed to be her day in the limelight.

Now, personally, I kind of get how they are handling her, and the Operator Records are a very faithful reflection of this: Specter is meant to be this mysterious force that we don't have clearance to know about, as Kal'tsit herself is the only one authorized to treat her or even enter her containment quarters. And, in this regard, I think the Records succeed:

It all starts innocently with Suzuran drawing Specter in a Secret Santa and then having to start deep diving to find out who the hell even IS Specter, because absolutely no one knows of her. Eventually, Suzuran lucks out by asking Meteorite, who did participate in a mission with Specter once, to which Suzuran immediately reacts: "Hey hold on, don't they send you on pretty dangerous missions all the time?", and Meteorite's answer is, "Yeah, and she's right at home there."

Now, this is really interesting because we, as Doctor, have some level of clearance: We know things about Specter and can even converse with her to a certain degree, because Doctor is a high authority in Rhodes Island, but the average Operator, like Suzuran, Aosta and Chiave, doesn't even know of her existence. She's one of Rhodes Island's well kept secrets, even within Rhodes Island. Even Meteorite, a veteran Sarkaz mercenary and a bombardment expert, only knows about Specter in a need-to-know basis (because they deployed once together). More telling is the fact that Meteorite doesn't think she'd get along with Specter, simply based on the fact that, just on that one operation, the level of violence and carnage brought upon by Specter unnerved even her, a Kazdel Sarkaz veteran. Well, to be precise, it's not the sheer level of destruction that Specter is capable of that unnerved Meteorite, it's the fact that she does it all seemingly without a care in the world, expressionless, soundless, simply following orders to the letter without showing or taking in a single emotion. To paraphrase Meteorite, "someone that can unleash such destruction and violence upon others so easily, and that can then just not mind it in the slightest, has something wrong and concerning going on with them, no doubt".

Next up, we also learn that Folinic has very restricted, also on a need-to-know basis access to Specter. Keep in mind that Folinic is extremely competent and not at all a stranger to danger: She handles Phantom. So this is a huge hint: There's perhaps more to the secrecy regarding Specter than just her being a dangerous, unstable element. Folinic could reasonably handle Specter professionally, but it's not about whether she can or not, it's about information, and this brings us back to Grani and the Knight's Treasure: Kal'tsit makes it clear to Skadi that Specter is, as a whole, inaccessible to everyone but her, that only she has clearance to access Specter's quarters. Keep in mind that Skadi does not operate in the same conditions, despite also being an Abyssal Hunter. In fact, it's well known that Skadi is infamous among other Operators for being unreasonable and obstructive in operations, as well as unapproachable outside of them (unless you are Grani, who managed to successfully befriend Skadi and vouches for her). There's things about Specter that are so sensitive, so important, that Kal'tsit can't risk them getting out, and even using her as an Operator is something reserved for very dangerous operations. Not even Warfarin, senior staff and Operator that's been with Rhodes Island for a very long time, has full access to Specter, but she clearly knows the importance of keeping her under curtains, given she immediately diffused the Folinic-Suzuran situation by coming up with a compromise on the spot.

There's another interesting contrast between Files and the Operator Record: Meteorite describes Specter as "dead silent". Mind you, we knew from before, thanks to Specter's Files, that the shark is completely silent in battle, but we also do know that she incoherently rambles quite a lot. Folinic sheds some light onto this, explaining that Specter intentionally stays silent most of the time so as to not say anything that could be misunderstood when around others. When she's in a more private setting, however, she does let loose with the insane talk. This is confirmation of something that had been hinted at before: Even though she's insane, there's a fervent part of her clinging onto sanity for dear life with bloodied, splintered fingers, and it manifests itself in how she'll never harm an ally, and how Specter is, to a certain degree, aware of how far gone she is, and thus keeps her mouth shut around others that aren't Doctor or Kal'tsit, so as to not spook them out or accidentally threaten them with her insane rambling.

Then, at the very end, after Suzuran managed to get her present to her, Specter does in fact deliver a thank you present back to Suzuran: A music box, consistent with Specter's love for the arts. Of course, the gift might have been chosen by a proxy of hers (Skadi or Blue Poison, both known to also enjoy music), but the message is all the same: Specter clearly appreciated the gift, and was mentioned to see an improvement in her condition after receiving the doll Suzuran gave her.

So, in paper? All of this? I love it. Of course I do, she's my favorite character, and it was such a bold way to present her Record, too, I respect them trying out new things, it managed to capture the essence of "the mysterious, terrifying fighting machine Operator they don't want us to know about that's actually a pretty sweet and decent person, just going through some really hard stuff" that they've been going for with Specter, it's just, I can also understand (and agree with) fans because... It's been two years, bwahaha, let us see her again, you know? It's her Operator Record, we've gotten some VERY good insights into the lives and days of other Operators through those, like with Angelina's or Kroos'! Of course we also wanted something like that, bwahaha.

What I would've loved, and what I think would've made it all better with fans, is if the final scene had Specter actually show up in Suzuran's room like the cryptid she is, with Suzuran noting the security door had just sort of been casually pried open, Specter's perpetual smile on her face as she's holding her thank you gift before Warfarin and Folinic just sort of storm into the room like "DUDE, WE SAID YOU CAN'T--", she thanks Suzuran wordlessly, gently hands her the music box, and then she calmly turns back and walks back to her confinement quarters.

But, yeah, I've gone on for long enough. I appreciate it overall, knowing what's coming, and I appreciate the idea, I just think they could've handled it better, but the whole essence and message of it, I think lands pretty nicely.

[kinkandkreep]

Yandere Izuku: Profile and Headcanons

(This will be updated periodically and possibly expanded on more in the future.)

Ok, look

Izuku...is my baby child

I have claimed him and he is mine

And don’t get it confused, this is Regular Zuku I’m talkin’ about

Yandere Zuku is a whole other demon entirely

Now normally, Izuku is portrayed as a polite, soft-spoken, altruistic boy who wouldn’t hurt a fly unless it was endangering a citizen

And for the most part, that still rings true

The Yandere part of Yandere Izuku lies dormant 98% of the time

At least, it started out that way

Before, YanZuku would only make an appearance when certain things occurred that triggered that part of him

Things such as his Desire being in danger, or being the target of some unwanted affection other than his

He may have been triggered by his Desire getting hurt, even if the injury wasn’t particularly severe

Eventually, as time progressed and Izuku realized that while he and his Desire were friendly, they weren’t anywhere near as far into the relationship as he’d have liked to have been, YanZuku became a permanent fixture, taking over much of Regular Izuku’s personality

YanZuku is Protective and Lucid initially, but can sometimes tip over into Delusion. He is very much aware that the world is a dangerous, unforgiving place and that his desire must be protected at all costs, but he is also aware that some of his actions and feelings are considered abnormal and even taboo by many, and this causes him a great deal of internal conflict.

After all, he is meant to be a hero, the greatest in fact.

But then, how can he claim to be a hero when some of his actions, thoughts and feelings are downright villainous?

He also has this deep-rooted fear of rejection or any negative response from you.

This constant battle between what is emotionally right and morally wrong makes YanZuku, at times, fairly unstable. For instance, while Regular Izuku’s mumbling to himself is already bad, with YanZuku, it becomes flat-out nonsensical babbling

He is constantly at war with himself, debating whether or not kidnapping you is the best course of action

ᕼᗴᗩᗪᑕᗩᑎOᑎᔕ:

❦YanZuku love, love, LOVES you!

❦Obviously

❦But I don’t think you fully grasp how deep this boy’s love for you runs

❦Izuku is not a vain or materialistic person in the slightest

❦He can’t be won over by your usual glitz and glamour

❦He can, however, be won over by a kind, gentle and courageous spirit, belonging to a person that is strong and capable

❦Now this may or may not be you, but for the sake of this, let’s say that it is

❦He loves someone that’s giving and caring, putting others before themself, similar to him

❦He likes that he can relate to you on that level

❦YanZuku especially loves the small details about you, little quirks or habits you may or may not be aware you have

❦YanZuku loves to observe you, having created several notebooks filled with information about you across the time you’ve known each other

❦He’s obsessed with your hair

❦For some reason (???)

❦Has several “samples” of it placed neatly in little bags on the shrine he may or may not have built for you

❦Constantly seeks your approval

❦He passes it off as you being his most trusted friend and as such, your input is very much appreciated

❦Really he’s just insecure and needs validation

❦Painfully shy when first approaching you

❦He just thinks you’re so perfect and he’s so...not

❦Eventually, as he inevitably grows closer to you, he becomes marginally more confident

❦This newfound confidence manifests itself as him being more eager and willing to approach you in everyday life, while in secret he becomes bolder in his observation of you

❦He may sneak into your room more frequently to gather things for his shrine research

❦The further he slips into Delusion, and the more he contemplates kidnapping you, he may eventually bug your room or house, desperate to keep tabs on you at all times

❦Again, YanZuku is Protective and desires above all else to keep you safe and with him

❦As things naturally progress, YanZuku will become more and more handsy, constantly touching you for closeness and comfort

❦Also because he thinks your skin is really nice and soft even if it isn’t

❦Once YanZuku has “acquired” you, and eventually he will, he’s surprisingly not very fond of keeping you locked away in a room or basement

❦He’d prefer you retain at least some of your freedom, since the Lucid side of him recognizes that a good amount of it has already been taken away

❦He will keep you collared though, and depending on how you behave, he may even chain you

❦YanZuku would love to have a typical home life with you

❦Y’know, the usual married with kids situation

❦He knows that’s a ways off, but it never hurt to dream right?

❦Loves to cook meals for you

❦Isn’t the best cook, mind you, but is a kickass baker

❦Like, canonically, this is true

❦Is a super nerd around you

❦Loves to gush about the things he likes, and the things he knows you like, and the things you both like

❦With as much as he talks to you, you would think he just likes to hear himself

❦But no, he’s doing it all for you benefit

❦He knows you can get lonely cooped up in a house by yourself all day

❦That’s why he tries to be as present and forthcoming with you as his hero work will allow

Oᐯᗴᖇᗩᒪᒪ:

Zuki Buki is just a sweet boi who deserves the world while also protecting you from it

“I love you so much Y/N! Please, don’t ever leave me, ok?”

[himitsu-luna]

Reaction

Nct 127 reaction to coming home and seeing you upset and crying

Context: You had a tough day at work, and your frustration were manifesting itself in the form of tears. This member comes home and the first thing he lays his eyes on is you, crying on the couch.

How would he react?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taeil

When he sees you crying, he slowly approaches you and calls your name softly

His heart is beating fast, afraid of whatever made you cry

He would sit beside you, trying to look at your face

He would take your hands and ask you what happened, with his melodic voice

As you don't immediately respond, he stays like this, now hugging you and caressing your back

He has the magic touch. It's crazy how just with his touch, you feel completely safe

Just his presence makes you feel that everything is going to be alright

You calm yourself down and start talking about your tough day

He silently listens to everything, wiping away some stubborn tears you're still shedding with his bare fingers

He would say that is ok to cry, that he understands you, and that he is proud of you

When he sees you're feeling better, he would try to light up the mood, by trying to make you smile by acting cute

When you smile, he feels relieved, and he just takes you in his arms and you two lay down on the couch and stay there in a cozy silence.

Johnny

Johnny would quickly walk to you the instant he sees your crying face

He straight away cups your face with his hands, and asks you what is wrong

While waiting for you to answer, he would get you some tissues and a glass of water

He would put himself right in front of you, so he can look directly at your face

You start talking, and he would be holding your hands, listening to everything attentively

After hearing all of your frustrations, he would be really serious, trying to find the right words to comfort you the best way he can

He is pretty good at this actually, and you can feel all the support and love coming from him

He makes you feel your feelings are valid, and that you're not being dramatic after all

When he sees you're better, he gives you a little peck on your forehead, and goes to the kitchen to prepare some hot chocolate for you.

Taeyong

Taeyong would be lost for a moment

He would go to you with trembling pupils and extended arms, asking you what's wrong

He would hug you and make you cry on his shoulders, while he caresses your head

He would not ask you anything anymore. He would give you the time to collect yourself, while hugging you in silence

When he sees you calmed yourself down a little bit, enough for you to talk, he would ask in a low and sweet voice - "now baby, tell me what's is wrong. Can you?"

His voice and his understanding and empathetic eyes would make you already feel better. You're not alone after all

You would tell him all of your frustrations, and he would listen to you patiently

At the end, he would smile at you, and would make sure your feelings were understood, and that you are an amazing person, in every point of view

When he sees you smiling back at him, he would start to pamper and spoil you in every existent way

Yuta

Yuta would be perplexed when he sees you coiled up on the couch

His first thought would be that you're in pain or hurt.

He would run to you, extremely worried.

He holds you and checks every part of you, asking you what happened and if you're hurt

Then he stops and looks at your face, waiting for some answer, still holding you lightly by your arms

As you nod your head in negativity still crying, he would know then that something happened at work

He would go - " it's ok, it's ok, now tell me what happened", while hugging you against his chest

He would wait in silence until you start talking

He would listen to you with a serious expression on his face, as if he is looking right into your soul

He would then hug you even thighter and would say it's ok. He is really realistic, supportive and sweet in the way he comforts you.

He gives you practical advices and you feel so much more confident and relieved

To wrap up the night, he would prepare a relaxing and warm bath just for you

Doyoung

Doyoung would be really affected by the sight of you crying

He would get shocked and would go to you already with tissues in hand and wide eyes never leaving your figure

While he dries your tears, he asks you what happened, with the sweetest tone ever

He would patiently wait for your answer, but you can see his worry and sadness showing on his face through his dancing eyebrows.

You would tell him everything, and he would be caressing your head all the time, nodding and agreeing

He understands you perfectly. He would ask you to take a deep breath and then would give you some wise, reassuring and comforting words, that are just too perfect to be true

He knows you better than anyone, he knows what to say and how to say it

You two would stay at the couch for a while, in each other arms

When he sees you are not sobbing anymore, he would ask you what you want for dinner: "Just tell me, I'll do anything you want". he says, looking at you tenderly.

Jaehyun

Jaehyun would stop confused at the door when he sees you crying.

When he comes back to his senses, he would take large steps in your direction, asking you what's wrong

His eyes have never been so wide open and agitated. He takes your hands and move your hair away from your face, waiting for you to respond.

He waits, waits, waits, but never let you go

You would start talking, and he would listen to you with great attention

Even when you are done talking, he asks more about your feelings, and just let you talk and talk more. He wants to understand everything that goes through your head, and you end up venting with him things you didn't even know you needed to unburden.

You would feel at complete peace with this casual mini therapy session.

He would feel it and would open a cute smile for you, saying you reassuring words with his sweet, deep and calm voice.

Then he would take you to bed and prepare a cozy and relaxing atmosphere, by lightning some scented candles and playing some of their vinils.

Winwin

Winwin would be confused and lost, but would take action as soon as he sees you crying

He would quickly go to you, wanting to know what happened

He is kinda afraid of touching you. You look so fragile that he thinks you would fall apart just by the hit of a light breeze

But he ends up in front of you, caressing your arms and your head, asking again what's wrong

You would fall in silence for a moment, and he would be looking at you, now caressing your cheeks

When you get able to talk, you start ranting about everything.

He would listen to you, agreeing with all of your thoughts

Then he would move to your side, would hug you, and would say everything is ok now. You went through your day, you cried and cried, and you've became stronger. He is proud of you and he will be always there for you.

He would cutely smile at you, and you would end up talking all night long, lying on the couch and staring at the ceiling.

Jungwoo

Jungwoo would run to you, asking what happened a million times

He would be touching you everywhere, to make sure you're not hurt

Then he would look at you with worried and inquisitive eyes, with his hands over your shoulders, asking you again what happened

He would caress your face while waiting for you to answer

His pouty lips and frowned eyebrows show that he is doing his best to hide his tears from you

When you start talking, he would listen to your words and would be agreeing with everything

He would show you his support by making you feel loved. He tells you that you can talk to him all night long if you want, that he is going to kick out all of your saddness, and that he will always be by your side.

He would pull you into his lap, and would give you thousands of pecks all over your face, smiling with the sight of your smile

Mark

Mark would be in shock. He would freeze at the door, asking you from afar what's wrong

He would then slowly approach you, kneeling down to level his eyes with yours, while moving away you hair from your face

He would wipe your tears and ask you again with a soft and worried voice what's wrong

His eyebrows are almost touching each other, and he seems to be in so much pain

He silently waits for your answer, his eyes paying attention to the slightest move of yours

You tell him everything that has been bothering you, and he listens to you quietly

When you finish your last sentence, he says things like - "Ohh honey, it's ok/Just spill everything out, let everything go./ I'm proud of you/ remember you're not alone"

You know he will always be with you, trying his best to make you happy, and this thought makes you feel relieved and thankful

Then he would try to distract you by ordering some nice food and watching a nice movie with you, spending a light hearted rest of night

Haechan

When he sees you crying, Haechan would approach you in his normal pace, but he would be extremely worried calling your name

He would try to see your face better and would engulf you into a hug, while asking what happened

He would look at your face again, waiting for the answer, now cupping your face and wiping your tears with his fingers

You talk to him about your day, and he just lets you vent everything you want with him, casually ranting with you too

He is actually a great listener and is really observant. He remembers every detail related to you, every conversation you had, every confidence you made to him while you were too sleepy to think straight.

So he understands your feelings and always knows what to say and how to make you feel better.

After you talk for a long time, and you feel calmer, he would cling to you, making you feel cozy, warm and loved.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sistaaah!! @starrdustville I wrote more than I was expecting ahhahha i tried my best to not repeat myself all the time hehehe I hope you like it sis!!!!! Thanks for the lovely request!!!💕

[saltybiowarefantears]

ari if you could change how garrus' romance was initiated in mass effect 2, how would it go?

aaaaaand GO

Ok ok, I know this has sat in my inbox for longer than I care to admit because I kept waiting for my vague and wild hand gesticulations to somehow manifest into words. That didn't happen. BUT I will still attempt to translate the flailing because I have some Thoughts™ (just not terribly coherent ones).

Two biggest issues I have is 1) it's buried under 20 layers of dialogue wheels to trigger and if you miss it, whoops, out of luck and 2) how it's constantly pushed as a friends with benefits one night stand thing right up until he visits Shepard's room. So let's go a little deeper on each of these:

1) Buried romance trigger - It's decently common knowledge, or at least it was closer to Mass Effect 2's release, but for those who don't know, both Tali and Garrus were added romances at the behest of fans and the confusion of the devs. I know that's not 100% true, but the general idea of they listened to fan input on which squad members they wished they could romance. Now for Garrus at least, since I'm not as familiar with Tali's, feels exactly like that - second thought tacked on at the end. It's as though the devs were thinking "They can't really want this romance... do they? Well... if they're persistent enough then they'll find it while we dangle Jacob and Thane on a string in front of fem!Shep." The straightforward remedy for this is is to, well, be more straightforward about it. If you change nothing of the dialogue itself except maybe Shep asking how Garrus releases stress wink wink nudge nudge, then that can naturally flow into his reach and flexibility story and then Shep's proposal. Essentially, it needed to be a bit more available and obvious for those pursuing the relationship instead of stumbling on it by happy accident... like some people (me I'm some people).

2) The proposal and framing of the relationship - Now this is me more griping as for personal preference, so take whatever you will from this part. I... don't like how 70% of the romance is portrayed in ME2. Ffs I wrote and drafted a whoooooooole fan fic around my headcanon to explain the behavior better and provide internal dialogue during the whole thing (thank you two idiots who think the requited love is unrequited hence the haha that'd be stupid... unless? trope). Before anyone gets to upset, this is what I mean. I adore their banter, their playfulness, the fun they have teasing each other about the upcoming night. That's great. Love it. Again, my problem is the emphasis on how it's never discussed as being anything more right up until Garrus lowers his guard and shows his vulnerability during the final romance cut scene. Now I have absolutely nothing against friends with benefits or one night stands, don't get me wrong. I wish we were given an option to tell Garrus how we felt about him and the whole thing five minutes before sleeping together. Maybe second romance cutscene with him, provide a binary option of Shepard telling him their relationship expectations and see if he agrees or not. Either keep it casual as it's more like in the game, or allow modification of Shepard wanting them to be more than friends and an invested interest in being with him. Then in ME3, you can reestablish your desires as either being friends, being more than friends, or breaking it off with him. That'd allow more flexibility in how players wanted to pursue the relationship. Would they ever do something like this in the future? Absolutely not, that's way too much extra dialogue and work for one romance. Can a person dream? Yes. (Please note too when I'm using phrases like "friends" and "more than friends" I'm not implying one of them is better than another, it's that my brain is incapable of coming up with better phrases right now.)

Ok anyway tl;dr for that waaaaaaaaaaay too long answer is 1) make the dialogue option to initiate the romance with him more obvious with a line such as Shepard flirtatiously asking how Garrus relaxes and 2) give the option for Shepard and the player to tell Garrus if they want the relationship to be more causal or not.

[rai-jin-andro-jin]

Intimacy: An Aromantic, Queer, Storyteller's Perspective on Raya and Namaari's Relationship in RatLD

Ok, I know people have lots of opinions about Raya and the Last Dragon. (Please go watch it if you're able to, it's fantastic.) I'm not here to step on any toes, nor am I here to deny that Disney has work to do on openly queer representation. But I wanted to give my opinion on the subject because I've already seen some thoughts flying, and I've got my own too.

Note: potential Raya and the Last Dragon spoilers ahead!

Now, I'm here for queer women. (I'm so here for queer women that I'm queer for them.) I love Raya's depth, design, and arc. I love Namaari's depth, design, and arc (and oh my god, her face shape). I love the way the narrative treated these warriors: like warriors! I could talk all day about how this movie is such a brilliant step toward treating women as people on screen.

But I'm here to talk about the queer aspects.

Any queer person watching that movie saw a couple of baby gays. Anyone saw the tension between Raya and Namaari as adults, their distrust for one another, but also their recollection of how close they once were, how close they could have been, how similar they actually are, but they both don't want to admit it for one reason or another. I think that tension is done beautifully.

I also want to take a second to remind everyone that romantic attraction is not necessary to make something queer.

Sure, maybe you could view their interactions as having romantic undertones. I don't think that's necessarily wrong, but I also don't think that the movie needed a romantic subplot to work. The subplot was platonic, even queerplatonic. The subplot was about Raya learning to realize how similar Namaari was to her, in all the uncomfortable ways Raya wasn't ready to admit. Raya wanted to remain focused inward; she wanted to protect her goal from destruction, she wanted to bring her Ba back. And she didn't want to trust anyone again. She didn't feel like she could, and she didn't want to try, especially not with Namaari.

And yet, during their interactions, there is a sense of intimacy. No doubt, over the six (6) years after the gem broke, Raya and Namaari have run into each other on several occasions. It seems like they still know each other well enough to banter mid battle. Raya knows Namaari well enough to be able to easily "push her buttons" and distract her. There is an intimacy here that strays easily into frienemy territory. It has the potential of being romantic. It also has the potential of not being romantic at all.

And, as someone on the aromantic spectrum, I want to reiterate that romantic queerness is not the only queerness. Aromantic affection, queerplatonic affection, allosexual aromantic affection — all of these are valid and real queer identities and queer expressions.

So, while I agree that "Disney is a coward" and that queer people deserve genuine, wholesome, and healthy representation in movies — I also want to emphasize that you can remove romanticism from the equation and still retain the queer narrative (or, what we the audience read as a queer narrative).

(I personally think there is nothing straight about these two characters, but I also respect the possibility that cultural norms and expectations can change how queerness manifests, or what is even considered queer. I'm a white person from the USA; the way I read or express queerness may not be the same as the way someone of Southeast Asian descent would read or express queerness. That topic in itself is worthy of an entirely different mega post. But that is very important to note.)

Furthermore, I want to add that while, again, seeing Disney explicitly tackle a queer relationship on screen would be so amazing, I also don't think this particular narrative had room for it.

Raya and the Last Dragon has a beautiful story filled with strong cultural tradition and Southeast Asian communal values. Love for one's community and family is especially important, as the writers have expressed, and this value was purposely woven into the narrative as a centerpiece.

Disney has a long history of making that centerpiece romantic love. Movies in general, Disney included, have a very long history of using romantic love as an easy subplot. It is such a common thing to do in the industry.

Stepping away from that norm is a breath of fresh air, in my opinion. And I'm not saying that because I'm aromantic and I "hate romance"—I don't, by the way, and I'll show you why.

I have written romance in fiction for a long-ass time. I love writing it. And in my (self-proclaimed) professional opinion, adding romance into Raya and the Last Dragon would have been really forced. I don't think the movie needed it. It would have been narratively unnecessary, and the catharsis we received regarding the mending of Raya and Namaari's relationship was more than enough. Any romance would have been extra, and, more importantly, would have been distracting from the actual main theme of the movie. Remember, the takeaway from this movie is communal trust: building bridges to unite families and communities of people. This narrative values familial and communal love first and foremost. (This is not to say that romantic love can't intersect with familial, communal, and platonic love, but I'm making the distinction here because the story writers intended to make this distinction, too.) Putting communal love first also does not devalue any romantic or queerplatonic love that might exist under that umbrella — but that's just it; communal love is the focus here, and I'm glad the writers made the decision to keep the focus of the narrative grounded and organized. It keeps the story from wandering off in too many directions and becoming confusing. It keeps us from having too many loose ends. And it keeps the runtime from being too long — or worse, it saves the narrative and all it's subplots from feeling cut short.

And here's where I jump into my main gripe. Yes, Raya and Namaari have chemistry. At the very least, when they met as kids, they formed a nice first bond: they had a lot in common, they related to each other on several things, and they had empathy for each other. That's a good foundation for a lot of things: friendship, queerplatonic relationships, romantic relationships, business partnerships... What I'm saying is, they had a good beginning. But it was just one day. And they were kids.

They were both kids who were vulnerable to the opinions and desires of the adults around them.

Namaari was influenced by her mother to betray Raya in order to gain the Dragon Gem (ultimately to give her people the prosperity they lacked). Before coming to Heart, Namaari likely saw Raya and the people of Heart like her mother/chief did: Heart was rich solely because they hoarded the magic of the Dragon Gem, and they would lie and say the Gem didn't give them prosperity only so they could continue to hoard the gem.

Raya was influenced by people in her village too, though we don't explicitly see those influences. When her father mentions that the other lands are on their way to Heart, Raya immediately believes they are coming with evil intent. When her father asks her what she knows about the other lands, Raya lists qualities about each land that portray them in a dangerous light. She views them explicitly as enemies and outsiders, people to fear and distrust in order to maintain her and Heart's safety and prosperity. Namaari included.

When Raya and Namaari meet, there is a lot going on under the surface of their interaction. Certainly, they are both kids; part of them likely has a natural urge to trust and connect with each other, as they eventually did that day! But clearly, especially for Namaari, there still exists a level of distrust and divide. Perhaps because Raya had the influence of her father, who encouraged her to see the other lands as friends rather than enemies, Raya's guard was lower than Namaari's. It's doubtful Namaari had that kind of influence, as her mother consistently displayed distrust for other lands, and focused more on the protection of Fang's people. Namaari clearly experienced quite a bit of internal conflict during the time before her betrayal of Raya, trying to balance her own desires for connection and friendship with her desire to please and protect Fang. Having a connection with Raya at all, especially a deeper connection (rather than a false pretense of connection), was likely not the intention of this subterfuge plan. Connecting with Raya likely felt good, but it also felt like a betrayal of Fang; a betrayal of Fang felt like a death sentence, especially since not obtaining the Gem would mean that Fang (according to Namaari's mother and the people of Fang) would likely perish. Namaari chose to resolve the conflict by returning to what was most familiar and comfortable: distrusting Heart for the good of Fang. For Namaari, it likely didn't dispel the discomfort of knowing that she betrayed a friend, someone who felt so close and genuine, someone who was just as obsessed with dragons as she was (which seems like it was rare for Namaari, and thus valuable). But her choice to betray Raya did, in Namaari's mind, save Fang, a strong value instilled in her from birth.

The betrayal hurts Raya a lot more openly. She sees Namaari firstly as a potential friend, a connection. Raya was taught by her father to value connection with others more than preemptively distrusting them in order to protect herself. This is likely why we see their interactions mostly from Raya's perspective. Namaari's behavior is very conflicted in intention, bouncing back and forth between deception and genuine connection, and trying to balance those two in a way that remains faithful to Fang and herself. Raya, on the other hand, is fully genuine for this interaction, save for maybe a couple moments of brief, minor hesitation. But, that hesitation is short-lived and the desire for friendship ultimately wins over for Raya. She fully trusts Namaari (to the level that she is able to, given that they just met that day), up to the moment the betrayal occurs. She is blindsided, and in response, she also returns to the comfort of her original views (before her father tried to teach her to trust the other lands). This decision to abandon the friendship is not comfortable at all for Raya; it is forced. She must do it to protect not only her land, but ostensibly the world. She is fighting between protecting her "clan" and protecting outsiders. She is struggling to view other lands as part of her clan/community, and Namaari's betrayal only solidifies Raya's eventual choice to mistrust others completely. Once her father dies, so does Raya's trust. To her, (misplaced) trust caused the downfall of the world, and more importantly, the death of her Ba. And to her, that betrayal is embodied and personified by Namaari. Namaari becomes a scapegoat and a punching bag for all that went wrong with the world, and this is a consistent mindset Raya has throughout the movie, until it is openly challenged by Namaari during the climax. Raya is comfortable in an "us versus them" mindset; it rids her of blame and responsibility for her actions, her role in problems. She, like Namaari, chooses to believe that everyone else is to blame for her downfall, while excluding herself entirely from that equation.

It goes without saying that these characters are well-written. Their emotions, motivations, and actions are complex and whole. I could (clearly) write analysis for days about these two. But here's my point.

Romance is only a potential part of their relationship at the start, no more. It is budding at best, and not fully realized or invoked. It is not ever made explicit or agreed upon. And the foundations of trust between these two, for a massive portion of the movie, are severely damaged. Any intimacy they had as children is put on hold, if not destroyed. They only trust each other as far as their blades reach, and as much as they've crossed paths during the six (6) year time-jump (enough to banter, manipulate each other, and predict each other's strategies to a degree), and and no further than that. Where they left off, they still have a connection, even while they don't trust each other with their deepest values. This foundation is clearly not enough for either of them to warrant a more intimate relationship, be it in the shade of romantic, queerplatonic, sexual, sensual, or otherwise. If it was enough, they would have done so already. Their closest intimacy is for the purpose of evading each other's attacks and maneuvers in order to get the upperhand. Their main goals are not each other, even though they both likely desire deeper connection, like they once had as kids. That childhood connection was genuine; no one is arguing otherwise.

But, by the climax of the movie, these two are not in a position of full, deep trust and connection. At the climax of the movie, when the Gem has finally been restored, their relationship is effectively back at the beginning, right where they left off as kids: budding and new, unsure yet hopeful, and with initial chemistry. That may read as potential romance, potential queerplatonics, potential you-name-it. But it is still potential, not active, not existent in the moment. They still have work to do in terms of building a deep relationship. Trust is a first step — one of many, many more steps. They're still working on the friendship and trust by the end — they just reunited as peoples from different lands, and as old ex-friends. They're relearning to see other lands as friends and not enemies, and that includes the way they see each other. They've come a long way, no doubt, and they still have a long way to go before they're remotely deep friends with established trust. They're effectively rebuilding that damaged trust by the end of the movie.

I mean, seriously. Expecting a full on romantic relationship, or even the explicit beginning of one is a massive stretch. Like, did you watch the movie? They have a lot of things to work through and talk about together! I don't care that they worked together and sacrificed themselves to save the world together. That's step one. Step one going well does not equal the kind of deep intimacy seen in romantic, queerplatonic, or deep platonic relationships, especially not the kind of romance that some audience members expressed they wanted to see from the movie. Did we forget that a genuine, hurtful betrayal happened? Did we forget that a betrayal happened very early on in the relationship? That sort of behavior doesn't scream "healthy relationship," and Raya and Namaari's subsequent reactions to said betrayal and following said event don't scream "consent to intimacy." Like, sure, they were both kids when it happened, especially Namaari, who was partially manipulated into that betrayal. But being young doesn't dilute or negate any of the very real trauma and pain felt by either of them, nor does it take away autonomy and responsibility for actions. She may have been manipulated and taught an incomplete view of the world, but Namaari also made that choice to betray Raya herself, no matter how mis- or un-informed she was about the world at the time. She still made a decision that hurt Raya, and in the process a lot of others. That can't be glossed over if we're talking about the formation of genuinely deep bonds. If the movie had made Raya and Namaari explicitly a couple of any kind, I strongly believe that any romantic, queerplatonic, or any other type of intimate social behavior would have made their relationship and conflict-resolution come across as forced, rushed, inauthentic, and unearned. Gestures of romantic intimacy especially tend to imply (in narratives that want to portray a healthy romantic relationship) a sense of depth, bond, and trust that is developed over long periods of time, marked by continuous and explicit efforts toward mutual trust. Raya and Namaari might have cultivated genuine trust for each other, but they lack a history of that trust that would realistically allow for a believable and genuine romantic/queerplatonic relationship at the level of harmony most "romance-lacking" audience-complaints demand. Raya and Namaari are not at that point yet. Rushing them there doesn't make that bond authentic, nor does it create healthy and realistic queer representation, much less healthy romantic/queerplatonic/intimate representation in general. Furthermore, rushing that sort of thing on-screen and portraying it as perfectly healthy perpetuates pre-existing, unrealistic, and unhealthy ideals of romance, human intimacy in general, and amatonormativity. Preliminary trust is not enough to give someone access to you in totality. We shouldn't portray that idea to kids, and this movie is careful not to. Trust is an ongoing process, and teaching kids that intimacy is developed over time and through consistent respect and communication is paramount. I seriously wish this movie had existed when I was a kid. I wish I had learned what this movie teaches. Romance isn't the answer to everything; it's not the highest form of love; and it's not the highest form of queer representation either. The highest form of love is the kind that is genuine and realistic and respectful.

Plus, on the subject of amatonormativity, I want to restress that queerness is not defined by romance. No one is made queer by their queer relationships, or even their visibly queer relationships. No one is suddenly not queer when they're single. Raya and Namaari can still be queer representation without ever having a romantic, sexual, or even queerplatonic relationship. Does Disney still have a record of cisheteronormative-flavored cowardice towards positively portraying explicitly queer people on screen? Absolutely. But I also don't think the answer to cisheteronormative amatonormativity is queer amatonormativity. Queer people are still queer, regardless of their relationship status, and especially regardless of their romantic orientation. Queer people are queer by virtue of existing.

TL;DR:

This should be more than clear: I'm of the strong opinion that both Raya and Namaari are queer. I don't think any of my regular readership will disagree. But forcing a romance (or any sort of deeper, unearned intimacy) onto this particular relationship and narrative only has the capacity to muddy and ruin this valuable and beautiful storyline and it's themes. Such a careless choice perpetuates some very harmful and prejudiced cultural norms regarding love and it's expression, and such a choice runs the risk of directly teaching children to view the world — to view their relationships — in a limiting, destructive, and isolating way.

I wouldn't change any part of the way this movie portrays Raya and Namaari's relationship. Every ounce of their interactions: from their words to their body language, facial expressions to actions, motivations to desires, conflict to resolution — they all make sense and are fully earned in this movie.

Yes, they'd look super cute together. Yes, it would likely be super cathartic for my gay little heart to see them kiss. Yes, they have the chemistry and potential for really meaningful and fulfilling growth and intimacy down the line. That is kind of the entire message of of the movie: potential; growth seen as a process made up of steps, the first being the catalyst towards making that potential a reality.

Raya and Namaari are a queer-coded microcosm for the rest of their world. They are one of many microcosms teaching a lesson about the importance of valuing and developing communal, cross-border trust.

Please stop yelling at Disney to make them kiss. They're together in a way that matters just as much, and they're together in a way that, for once, doesn't make romance the highest and truest form of intimacy. Write your fanfiction, enjoy them as a pairing, write letters to Disney and tell them we deserve explicit and normalized queer representation (because we do). Do what you wish, and do what makes you happy! Enjoy your queer pairings! I encourage you! I implore you!

But please, please, please don't discount the importance, validity, and power of the connection they do have. This connection is no less intimate and no less important than romance, sex, or anything else. They don't need romance to be queer, and they don't need any label at all to be a beautiful, realistic, and healthy portrayal of human relationships, queer or not.

And for the record, they are very, very gay, and nobody, not even Disney, can change my mind.

[myownworstenemyyy]

can I request “I always made you think your feelings for me were totally one-sided…that wasn’t true.” with javi :)

edit: this is Part 1 of the Crystal Clear series

feeling angsty, are we, nonny? 😏 i was so excited to write this one! I hope you like it and mayhaps a part 2 is in the works 😉💕💜💜

prompt from this list: “I always made you think your feelings for me were totally one-sided…that wasn’t true.”

word count: 1.7k (gif by @bestintheparsec)

warnings: swearing (obvi) ; cheating on someone ? kinda briefly ? (idk man)

masterlist | also, this fic was heavily inspired by the song Crystal Clear from the beautiful Hayley Williams 🥰

AO3 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

“I wanna make it crystal clear that I won't give in to the fear.”

The Texas heat is always unforgiving this time of year. But your garden was starting to look horrendous, so you had decided to just suck it up and get some yard work done. Now, as you kneel in the dirt, your gloved hands deep in the soil and back aching from bending over for so long, you think maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. 

The sound of rocks shifting under heavy footsteps has you looking over your shoulder to see a figure approaching. You raise your hand to shield your eyes from the sun shining so brightly behind the stranger, their silhouette being the only thing you can make out. “Can I help you?” you say in a polite, yet cautious voice. 

Your heart nearly stops when an all-too-familiar baritone replies, “Hola, bonita,” as he stops a few feet in front of you - well, technically behind you. Slowly rising to your feet, your eyes fully adjust to the sunlight as you take in the sight of the first man you ever fell in love with. Javier.

He mostly looks the same, save for the slight tan of his skin, along with a few worry lines and wrinkles that have formed over the years since he-

Since he left you.

“Javier,” you state, your voice betraying you when it cracks on the last syllable. What is he doing here? When did he - come back?  

The silence drags on as the two of you study each other, though his expression is much softer than your confused one. “What are you doing here?” you ask at the same time he says, “You look good.” He chuckles, the sound making your stomach flip as your cheeks flush. 

That laugh - god, it’s been so long since you’ve heard it, the last time being the night before he left for Columbia to aid in the capture of Pablo Escobar. Though at the time, you didn’t actually know it would be the last time you’d see him for years to come. You didn’t learn that bit of information until the next morning when you woke up to find a letter in your mailbox - a short apology for his sudden departure. 

But you’d suspected it was more like “fleeing,” especially after you’d told him how you truly felt about him just the night before. Though you suppose you should’ve known better - Javier Peña never was a man who could be committed to one woman for longer than a few nights. Even if that woman was you - his best friend since elementary school. 

Lost in reminiscent thoughts of the two of you together, you don’t notice Javier taking a couple steps closer to where you’re standing. “I just got back a couple days ago and...I needed to see you,” he looks away for a moment, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

Well, at least he has the decency to look ashamed.

“OK, you’ve seen me. Now you can go,” you turn around and head towards the front door to your house, leaving your garden a half-done mess. You’ve just reached the first step of the porch when he reaches for your wrist, “Wait - I...I’m sorry, for leaving.”

Releasing a weary sigh, you turn and face him again, his eyes filled with sincerity and something akin to desperation. Your heart instinctively aches to comfort him, but you know that’s not your place - not anymore. “Why?” you ask quietly and the regret lining his features tells you he knows you’re not just referring to why he’s sorry, but why he actually left in the first place without so much as a good-bye. Because you both know you didn’t deserve to find out he was leaving from some piece of paper left on your fucking doorstep.

“I didn’t know how to tell you - that I was assigned to the unit in Columbia. And I couldn’t face you - not after everything you’d said...about-”

“I remember,” you cut him off, tears burning at the corners of your eyes. You bite your bottom lip as it threatens to quiver, the emotions you’ve been suppressing for so long rising to the surface. “You broke my fucking heart, Javi,” your voice breaks, barely above a whisper, as a tear glides down your cheek.

“I know,” he admits in a voice just as softly as he closes his eyes for a moment, releasing a shaky breath, “God, I know, bonita. I - I always made you think your feelings for me were totally one-sided…” he takes a deep breath, sliding his hand down your wrist and holding your right hand in both of his, “but...that wasn’t true,” he confesses, his words landing like a punch to the gut.

Your breath hitches when you finally process what he’s said, the meaning behind his words gripping your heart like a vise. He...feels the same way? 

His dark eyes search yours, pleading for you to understand - for you to forgive him. But you’ve fallen speechless as you try to think of a response, barely able to voice a weak, “W-what?” 

As you remain in a state of shock, Javi reaches for your other hand, coming to stand in front of you, his eyes never leaving yours. “Bonita, I-” he starts but then his brow furrows as he looks down at your left hand, his fingers feeling for something under your gardening glove. 

The look of realization on his face is what finally snaps you out of your trance-like state. You swallow hard as you remove the glove from your left hand, bringing it up closer to eye level to show him-

“I’m engaged,” you croak out, your words laced with regret, and you quickly push away every thought rushing to the forefront of your mind. You refuse to acknowledge any bit of reasoning as to why your heart is breaking from sharing the news of your engagement with the man who basically just confessed his love for you.

“Oh,” he swallows hard, his gaze fixated on the simple diamond that suddenly feels like it’s cutting off circulation to your finger. His grip loosens as he releases your hands, wiping his own hand down his face as he turns away, muttering, “Of course you are - soy más pendejo,” he trails off, his back facing you.

You're frozen at the bottom of the porch, clutching your gardening glove to the point of making your knuckles ache. His hands rest on his hips, his head dropping for a moment as he takes one, two, three breaths before turning to face you once more. 

Your heart begins to race as he watches you for a moment, his expression unreadable. Though, the sadness in his eyes is impossible to miss. 

Clenching his jaw, he nods his head once like he’s come to some kind of decision. “Felicidades, bonita. I hope your prometido knows how lucky he is,” he offers a tight-lipped smile before turning on his heel and walking away. It takes a minute for your legs to finally spring into action as you stumble after him, “Javi, wait!” you drop the glove on the ground, no longer caring about the mess in your front yard.

He skids to a stop but remains facing forward, his shoulders tense. Walking around his brooding figure, you face him head-on, “It’s been years since I’ve even heard from you, Javi - you can’t just-” you shake your head incredulously, all the hurt and confusion from his abandonment manifesting itself as anger, “you don’t get to do this to me. You don’t just get to leave, come back and say you have feelings for me - and then fucking leave again!” 

Your chest rises and falls with the same fierce intensity coating your words, but you refuse to back down, “Why did you even come here if you were just gonna leave the minute I rejected you? I mean, what the hell was I supposed to do after you left? Sit around and sulk because my best friend - the man I love - decided to take a job in Columbia, and didn’t even say good-bye?!” 

Your hands fly to your hair in frustration as you start to pace up and down the sidewalk, angry tears welling in your eyes. No, I’m not crying over him again - I did enough of that when he left. But the memory of you sitting on the hardwood floor in your living room, clutching his letter to your chest as you sobbed for hours, has fresh tears spilling onto your cheeks.

“‘Love’, not… ‘loved’?” he asks carefully as he watches you closely, holding his breath while you wipe your face clean with the front of your shirt. You look at him with a furrowed brow, “What?” The adrenaline from your outburst is quickly fading, exhaustion taking its place.

After a beat, you meet his eyes, which are swimming with emotion as he elaborates, “You said ‘the man I love’... not ‘the man I loved.” His face gives nothing away, but you're taken aback when you see an echo of something in his eyes - hope.

You slowly shake your head, “Javi-” but he cuts you off with a desperate plea.

“Please, just-” he takes a step toward you, his hands reaching out to lightly grip your arms, “tell me - tell me you feel nothing for me anymore and I'll leave you alone...for good.” And from the pained look plaguing his features, you know he’ll keep that promise - he'll walk out of your life, taking all the pain and sorrow he’s caused you along with him.

You grip his forearm with a shaky hand, holding onto him like he’s the only thing anchoring you to this moment. Your lip trembles and his brow furrows deeper in concern as your breathing picks up, your entire being overwhelmed by the emotions boiling over within you.

“I...can't,” you breathe out, looking into his dark eyes as you bring your hands to his face, your fingers hesitantly stroking his cheek. His chest is rising and falling to the same tempo as yours, his lips slightly parted as you trace your fingers over his bottom lip, mesmerized by the curve and slight pout that permanently lives there.

“Bonita-” but it's your turn to interrupt him, only this time it's not with words. You cradle his face in your hands and push up on the tips of your toes until your lips meet his - and the rest of the world fades away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Translations:

bonita - pretty / beautiful

soy más pendejo  - I'm the biggest dumbass 😂

Felicidades - Congratulations

prometido - fiance

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[vroenis]

Part 2

This is part 1.

Can you tell how tired I was getting by the end? This is life under meds, but given the other benefits (I think?), I’ll take it for now.

When I woke up the next morning, I had a whole lot I was thinking about and it’s stuff I want to say given I said a lot, but didn’t cover this stuff. I’m still happy with part 1, I think that’s just how I write, moving from subject to subject more or less organically and it does show me to more unstructured even if there is a vague plan for how I want the piece to go.

Anyway let’s get going.

As always, mild spoilers for well, everything. If you haven’t seen this stuff and are mildly interested in watching them then ah, you may have a lot of catching up to do. I don’t think I’ll drop any real hard spoilers for anything but you never know.

Ghost In The Shell is an Outsider story

There are whole stacks of lore you could dive into with Stand Alone Complex in particular, with Motoko having been in an aircraft accident and getting her first shell (cyber-body) at a very early age, what that means, the thing with Kuze (avoiding spoilers here), and the extended cast - not that Paz, Boma and even Ishikawa get a whole lot of time anyway - but it’s not really that important.

Looking at just Mamoru Oshii’s 1995 film, and even more-so his 2004 film Innocence (not really a sequel but usually regarded as such), the narratives cast the characters very much as Outsiders. In the first film, Section 9 is already at odds with the government in general and while it’s subtle, Aramaki as a department head is certainly different from his contemporaries, even if we don’t see much of it - again, so much more of this in Stand Alone Complex. Motoko’s early conversation with Togusa in the first film is probably the most telling as far as playing it loud. She speaks in pragmatic terms to why he’s there, but this is a precursor to what will ultimately transpire for herself at the conclusion of the film, something very intentionally written into the film. Batou is also an Outsider in more ways than one, not only in the role he plays in the department but in the very clear personal boundary between him and Motoko. There are boundaries between Batou and everyone and they become more apparent in the second film. Togusa is easy pickings so I’ll leave him alone, suffice to say if the film needs one, he’s the audience’s window of ignorance which is why he’s discarded so willingly half way in. He gets his time in the spotlight in Stand Alone Complex and it’s pretty amazing.

As for Motoko... I admit it is difficult separating my understanding of her character from Stand Alone Complex and attempting to just isolate what’s shown of her in the first film but I’ll try.

I mentioned the film’s centrepiece montage in my previous journal, in which we might say Motoko is the centrepiece but if so, she probably shares it with the city itself, and I feel much more is being said about the two together rather than separated simultaneously. This would be one of the first indications of Motoko’s sense of identity, of otherness, isolation, questioning. Again the scene that plays it most loud would be diving on the boat and her speech to Batou. There are other moments tho; single frames of her face, looks, movements that are lingered on, I feel like Oshii is constantly telling us about her and what she’s going to do, but more important than that, why she’s going to do it and how she feels.

Ghost in the Shell is a film about great emotion, and not like I’d know because it’s been a long time since I’ve looked into the discourse around it, but I suspect no-one really talks about it as a film about feelings.

I realise these days I talk more and more about moods and art being mood pieces. I labelled my Instagram account as being “A catalogue of moods” and I’m very fond of the use of the word in vernacular. It might seem flippant but it’s immensely empowered, especially for me as an individual when I understand my moods and can translate them into, via and thru art. I do appreciate many struggle with Oshii’s cinematic language as it can appear cold and detached and that’s fine, but it’s anything but for me - it’s immensely emotionally charged, it just appears differently to what audiences are perhaps accustomed to seeing. It’s a different language that perhaps takes time to learn, but it’s all there.

This couldn’t become more evident than in Innocence (the Ghost in the Shell 2 moniker I think was a western addendum). Batou takes centre stage and is  immediately presented as bluntly as possible as an Outsider, reaffirmed later by Aramaki who also cements Togusa’s position in limbo.

I should pause and say that within the GitS canon, I feel Togusa is definitely embraced by Section 9, so he’s not wholly an Outsider to the department, but for obvious reasons, he doesn’t fully share all of their daily or philosophical concerns - hence not wholly. He would also definitely be an Outsider to most other members of the force after joining Section 9, but unfortunately I’m not here to love Togusa, poor guy - I feel like he’s always a bit unloved. Someone write a giant essay in service to his greatness. He actually is great.

But I adore Batou in Innocence. I love his story, his struggle, his emotion. I love how present Motoko is without ever appearing on screen and then when she does, the impact she has on everything, especially with the lines she delivers, one of which I quoted to open the last journal. Batou is in many ways a shadow of what Motoko was and is/has become, just in physical form, mirroring her in a real world manifestation with the natural physical limitations that comes with.

For some reason I feel like I need to inject a comment about Batou putting the jacket/vest on Motoko’s body. I don’t know if people perceive this as an act of masculine modesty but it’s not how I read it. I did stumble on this action for years but as I began to interpret the films as Outsider stories, I realised that he does this as an act of inclusion, and that Motoko consents, permits him to and doesn’t immediately react with violence or technological recourse we know she is well capable of, indicates it’s mutual. Their inclusion isn’t just about the boundaries of the Section 9 department but extends beyond that, an inner circle that may only contain the two of them - inside which there are still boundaries between them Batou can never cross. Those boundaries become infinitely more apparent after the final events of the first film, and the second film effectively is all about how he feels about them. He is an ultimate Outsider, but so is Motoko in the state she now is in.

Section 9 is a department of stray dogs. Individuals who haven’t quite fit in where they belong, and found belonging with one another. Then, after a time, one of them moves on - at the conclusion of the first film, and then another feels an almost permanent and ultimate sense of separation - more or less the duration of the second film.

Ghost in the Shell isn’t about technology and sentience and hacking and corporations at all. It’s about loneliness and belonging and acceptance and affection. It’s about how that feels.

I’m Not Sure Why People Struggle With David Lynch Films

I need to stop talking about anime. Honestly I looked at the list at the start of the last journal and thought hell yea Sky Crawlers, Jin-Roh, Haibane Renmei and Lain let’s unpack some shit! but honestly I’ll run out of time and I should really draw from a variety of mediums and sources.

OK I’m not being facetious when I say Lynch’s films are fairly straight-forward narrative-wise. Again, it’s hard for me to position myself in a place where I’m not into the stuff I’m into and maybe that’s what gives me the cinematic language familiarity to parse them but that just sounds like wanker bullshit to me. I don’t mind if folks don’t like Lynch films, that’s fine. But they aren’t difficult.

So in the context of everything else, even on that short list on the last journal, plus how I keep trying to shift the discussion of works from the pragmatic reading of them to an emotional reading of them from a mood perspective, I feel as tho the same process can be applied to Lynch. So much about his films are about how they make you feel, or I’ll say - how they make *me* feel. It might be grandiose to assume I’m feeling the correct emotion, that these are the moods that David Lynch himself is attempting to create and evoke and thus, I am interpreting them correctly but hey - I enjoy the hell out of the films, feel I understand them and watch them over and over again so that’s all I’m basing it on.

That’s not to say there are things I dismiss as meaningless or that I don’t understand in his films, it’s just that I don’t have to parse them immediately at first watch and perhaps that’s the audience’s problem. I don’t know if reverse-diagnosis is appropriate but looking at how much hand-holding there is in other directors’ films might be just as telling. I mean I saw Nolan’s Tenet and was about the least confusing thing I’d ever seen in my life but apparently *that* confused people, and you know hey that’s fair I guess, but I mean Nolan did a whooooole lot of audience hand-holding in that film, I mean, the dialogue was terrible. There was so much unnecessary exposition, which I generally find in all of his films, so if an audience can’t follow that then OK sure, Lynch is going to be a problem.

The thing is popcorn cinema is totally OK. I watch it. I really love it, I’ve written about it before, it’s good Industry. There’s a lot of great creativity in popular cinema, I don’t at all think poorly of it and I love seeing a really well produced, Hollywood picture... but I guess if that’s all you consume, and I guess if folks’ short-format episodic media (aka series - think Netflix, HVO etc.) is more or less to the same standard, then it begins to make sense that anything outside of that isn’t going to make sense.

Long story short - Lynch films tell simple stories where the feeling of the film is as important as the narrative of the film. To understand the story, you have to understand the feeling, and vice-versa.

Surprise surprise, it turns out independent and deemed “fringe” film-makers... aka Outsiders... make films about Outsiders.

Now I wouldn’t know if any of the Marvel films thematically are about Outsiders or Outsider culture, they probably are and very loudly at that, but the reason I’ve never included one in my catalogue of moods is they all read the same way. Not only are Marvel films mostly indistinct from one other to me, they’re also mostly indistinct from much of popular culture in general. That doesn’t make them bad, some of them still have some pretty awesome stunts, visfx, even parts of the narratives, funny jokes etc. in them, but on the whole they’re not useful to me as things I deem truly valuable in the long-term.

It’s OK, I’m not at all going to lament the proliferation of Marvel films, a lot of them have been pretty cool and they keep people in work. Meow meow meow “the death of cinema” mate, sure - I find it more difficult to find the sorts of films I like but that’s always been the case. Humans will do what they do, it’s not a read on cinema, it’s about being an Outsider and what that’s all about. True, maybe weird shit like Lynch and Noe might be more difficult to make, but the weird-indie corner was also dominated by white men and that needs to change, so who knows what the future holds.

Can you detect the point at which I took my meds and started getting tired?

Ghost in the Shell // Innocence // What We Want // What We’re Left With

Growing up as an Outsider, I feel as tho the first Ghost in the Shell film carries the weight of isolation, questions of identity and belonging, ultimately of acceptance, empowerment and liberation. Then Innocence brings to bear very similar moods but states that things may not necessarily change for the better, they simply change state. I love that in both narratives, the main texts of hacking or corrupt corporations, crime etc. are the least common denominators and barely relevant to heart of the films. I think about the theme of icons in Innocence, icons operatively being the dolls throughout the film, and the final image of Togusa’s daughter’s gift. As humans we assume we’re to take the position of biological humanity as representative of sentience, taking moral priority over all other beings. Earlier in the film we think Togusa is in limbo, but  at the conclusion Motoko asks the question, or perhaps states that perhaps we’re all in limbo together.

I think that’s a significant part of what growing up as and being an Outsider is like, what it feels like. Christians have this saying about “living in the world but not of the world” (derived from a bible verse) and honestly I don’t think they know what it means because they just operate like a cult, but I think queers and folks with long term mental health conditions have a better idea. We are pushed out to the fringes of our social groups from an early age, long before we know or understand what’s different about us. Our peers and the adults around us do this to us because their social behaviours are so well hard-coded, even they may not even know precisely what’s different about us, they just do - and they’re right. We are different. And they don’t accept us.

Maybe I am starting to get a little more upset that weird/different art is becoming more difficult to fund and make, because it’s for us, for me. It speaks to me. You already have so much, and representation and inclusion is so important. I don’t just need queer cinema, I need weird cinema, I need moods. I need quiet, introspective, pensive, reflective, Outsider moods.

I still feel like an Outsider. I have a few people who understand more about me, but I don’t think I have a place, not in a real sense. I have never felt that. Art is one of the few places I feel any connection with anything, and connecting with people is a very odd thing to consider - honestly, I actually would really like to connect with people but the unique combination of being queer *and* autistic comorbid with bipolar makes it really tough, more difficult the older I get. And now all you want to do is fund Marvel movies. I can’t feed off of that.

I’m getting tired, I’m not making any sense. It’s time for bed.

[m00nlitknight]

Hello. I really like your previous works. Can I make request, please? Reader's been in relationship with whole gang for a couple of months. Everything was ok but Henry got jealous and started to ruin her relationship with rest of the gang distancing her from them.

ofc!! ✨  i don’t know if im really happy where i left off with this, so if you’re interested i could potentially make a part two?  i’m pretty happy with some parts of it ngl, but that might be my 4am brain talking lol;;

warnings:  usages of slurs / degrading terms ( light, but still present ).  mentions of frick fracking.  possessive behavior.  none else to really talk about. pairing:  poly!bowers gang x reader / henry bowers x reader extra ( edit ):  feel free to look through my masterlist for other bower’s gang/reader works, and have a fantastic day!

vindictive.

The relationship with the infamous Bowers’ Gang began in what you could only describe as a fictional scenario.  You’d always been known as one of the kindest individuals in your classes, a large soul and absolutely heart-warming and dazzling smile.  The reputation, though humbling on the darkest of evenings, felt strenuous to keep up.  It was suffocating, sometimes, when you wanted nothing more than to fade in the scenery, or to say no to a request from someone.  Being the school doormat gave you an easy pass to adoration, but a hard road to doing whatever anyone wanted.

That’s what confused you about the sudden interest of the gang.  Sure, you had been paired up once or twice with them for class projects, shouldered the entirety of the workload; but everytime they hardly batted an eye your way.  Except for Vic, but he always seemed to be a bit more socially adept then the other three.  So it was only fitting that the initial interest came from him, one day after your shared class he approached you, and asked if you’d ever want to hang out.

Obviously, you said yes, and reaped the immediate consequences.  Practically the next day after his query, people began to look at and treat you differently.  No longer was there an affectionate warmth in their gaze, reserved exclusively for you, instead replaced with a brief flash of fear before morphing into a bout of confusion for how to tread the situation.  You didn’t mind it, or at least on the surface you didn’t.  The validation found in your peers suddenly being ripped from your grasp was a bit whiplash inducing, not that you could really do anything about it.

The initial hangout, which you look back at fondly as your first actual date, was a casually dressed affair.  He took you to get milkshakes, which you indulged in the city’s center and poked fun at the Paul Bunyan statue, then took you to go thrift shopping.  It was that day you’d found your new favorite sweater, called ‘hideous’ on many occasions by the likes of your mother and peers, and a cute denim skirt.

It didn’t take long for Henry himself to nearly shoehorn himself into your relationship with Vic, apparently prompting Belch to ambush the two of you on your second date.  The Trans-Am’s engine was unbearably loud, coming up behind the two of you holding hands as Henry hollered something you couldn’t quite make out.

Five months down the line, and half-way through Junior year, a heartfelt outpour from the entire gang; and suddenly you’d become the apple of all of their eyes, so to speak.  Most of the time, your interactions were soft with all the boys, cuddled up with them all -- your personal favorite being Belch, he knew just the position for you to be putty in your hands; Patrick on the other hand did everything in his power to make you squirm while in his grasp.  He’d simply cackle at your protests of his wandering hands, then proceed to mock the tone of your voice.

Though, from the sidelines, you were mostly able to ignore the fiery glares thrown by Henry.  No matter how much attention you gave him, how many times you’d let him leave unsolicited hickies on your neck in plain sight to be hidden from your mother, or held him after a rough night.

He’d never said thank you or praised you for anything, which left you devoid of where you stood with him.  If he hated you, would you even be around the other three?  Wouldn’t he have been completely blunt and outright with it?  The creeping worry manifesting itself in your gut grew with time, and with time you began to give him more of your attention to try and sedate it.

Inside the labyrinth of his mind, Henry’s opinion of you began as negative -- the ambushing of your and Vic’s date was a stunt to try and drive you away from the gang in entirety.  But you just came the fuck back.  Loyalty was written all over your features, as was inexperience.  With time, the faint flame of interest that licked the recesses of his mind fanned themselves into a stronger blaze, and suddenly the shared attention you had been giving the gang was like gasoline.

He played himself off as distant, instead replying to the work you put in with brief hand holds or an arm thrown around your shoulders to show possessiveness around school.  Being calculating obviously wasn’t his thing, nor was being patient.

He took your first kiss, and one of his first, one night while alone with you, the second month into the relationship.  Pussyfooting around the more carnal aspects of a relationship wasn’t something he typically found himself doing, but he knew that Vic or Belch would have his head if he rushed things too fast.  In the end, though, it drove him to wanting more.

Physical affection was kept behind closed doors, and he couldn’t be sure that your intimacy was only reserved for him, considering you never sported any other markings or called out the name of any of the other members while you were with him.  It inflated his ego to astronomical levels, and it killed him that he couldn’t flaunt it in his friend’s faces.

Regardless, he wanted you to himself and himself alone.

-----------

“Good morning!” your voice cut through the mid-morning drowsiness of the boys sitting in the parked Trans-Am on the curb in front of your home with steely sharpness, but a welcome smile finds its way onto Belch’s face.

“Morning, gorgeous,” he says from the driver’s seat.  “Hop in.”

“Can do!”  your morning pep leads to a foot on the tire and hauling yourself into the car by means of the roof, and plopping directly in Patrick’s lap - eliciting a hearty grunt and smirk from the boy.

“You’re awfully full of life this morning, feels shameful to waste this energy on something so innocent as breakfast,” he all but purrs as he tugs you further into his grasp while the car lurches forward and en route to the typical Saturday-morning hangout spot.

“Ew, Pat,” Vic cringes over to his friend and you, true malicious intent absent.  “It’s fucking brunch time, let ‘em wake up first, will you?”

His question is answered by a cheeky nip to your neck, causing you to squeal.

In the front seat, Henry broods silently.  On the radio plays one of Belch’s cassettes which goes unlistened, and a favorite of his; ...And Justice for All by Metallica.  The playful tone of your voice and Patrick’s advancements manage to leave a sour taste in his mouth, even though he made the extra effort to brush his teeth this morning.

The meal goes relatively uneventful, though your wandering eyes, half-lidded and vixen-esque, irritate him further.  Vic has an arm around your waist, and Belch holding an unoccupied hand under the table.  If he’d thought any better, Patrick was all but devouring you from across the table.  It was an affection-filled scene, which made the poor diner waitress visibly uncomfortable.

After breakfast, Belch drops both you and Henry off at your home, currently unoccupied by your mother who has work.  “Bye, we’ll be seeing you guys later!”

“Henry, be nice to ‘em, will ya?”  Belch booms from the window, around Patrick climbing into the front seat like an animal.

His request is met with a smirk from Henry, who pulls you into a passionate but short kiss in front of the trio.  “As nice as I can be.”

It leaves you immediately flustered and giggling as you’re pulled into your own home and leaving the other three in a vague state of confusion.  The engine faded away in the distance as you moved toward your house, a mess of giggles, flushed cheeks, and a downcasted gaze.  Henry’s smirk is short-lived as his expression shifts back to neutrality.  He watches you walk through the door and shift to the side to take off your shoes, opting to keep his own on.  The brief and blissful silence is broken by his voice, laced with the undeniable edge of his ire.  “Who’s your favorite?”

The question hangs in the air, souring the atmosphere directly as it leaves his mouth.  You freeze at the words, mid finangling your shoe off as you turn to look at him with a confused, and slightly hurt, expression.  “Huh?”

“Don’t play fuckin’ stupid.  Who’s your favorite?”  He takes a step towards you, which you subconsciously shrink back from.

“I-I don’t have one?”

“God, maybe y’are fuckin’ stupid.  There’s four of us and y’mean t’tell me not ‘a one of us sticks out more than the others?”

A blush spreads across your features, an involuntary testament to your unease and outright lie.  Your eyes dart to look anywhere but him as your body betrays you, petrified in intimidation.  “You,” murmur with a gentle voice and laced with a lack of thinking.

He leans down to your mouth, quickly overtaking your personal space and invading your nostrils with his scent -- cheap body spray and masculinity.  It’s nearly intoxicating.  “What was that?”

“You,” an utterance with little more force, the action of taking a lungful of air simply too strenuous.

“Mind tellin’ me why I feel the least love then?”

You almost want to deflate at it, even if the hands wrapping around your shoulder feel like nothing short of a tender moment.  All the time you’d spent with him, all that you’d given to him, and he still felt overshadowed?

“I…”

“Or, is it jus’ that you’re an attention-seeking slut?”  The words cut deeper then he’s capable of understanding, and the sick smile curling onto his lips and the whispered tone feel vastly different then what he’s actually saying.

You’re rendered speechless as he takes you closer to the couch, dragging you into a straddling position on him.  “Show me what I was missin’ at brunchfast then, huh?”

Wide-eyed and bashful you stare.  What are you even supposed to do?  He leans into you, peppering your throat with kisses while his hands wander up and down your sides.  Instinctively, your hands move to run through his hair and he nearly purrs at the contact and looks up at you with an intense, baby-blue gaze.

“Who’s your favorite?”

“You,” sighed out as he starts sucking on your neck and rubbing at your hips.

“Say it,”  a rough voice reverbs through him from his chest, and he relishes in the affection of your gentle hands.  You’re his.  His.

“You’re my favorite, Henry,” your voice tightens when he starts to suck on your collarbone.

---------

He’d managed to cut your afterglow short in the early evening, badgering you to call Belch and tell him not to drive you to school for the next week.  You did it, albeit with a bit of confusion, and feeling vague sadness when Belch’s tone took a nose-dive into disappointment when the subject of the call was revealed. For the next week, you couldn’t look any of the gang in the eye, instead taking to marinate in your own shame and blatantly avoid them.

[mythandtruth]

Does anybody think of how important the moment in front of the mirror actually was?

Ok so we know that Azula is usually calm and in control. Because of that she is able to create lightning anytime she wants. She knows how to read people, how to control them, but the scene in front of mirror shows more than just that.

The mirror is reflection in both physical and metaphorical way. She looks at it and sees her ‘mother’ which is manifestation of her own doubts. When she breaks it in order to get away from those things, she actually breaks herself.

What we have to remember that Ursa is not truly there, she is manifestation of Azula’s inner conflict and everything Ursa said is actually Azula telling those things to herself.

The first thing Ursa said is “What a shame you always had such a beautiful hair.” Ursa might seem as she favorite Zuko but in comics she asks to take both of her children with her: showing a sign of loving them equally but being able connecting to Zuko easier. Azula did not know it but she hoped for it. The comment about hair was actually a memory or at least something from Azula’s subconscious. It is a moment that Azula feels a slight remorse, as her hair was the one thing, she knew her mother truly loved about her.

Next conversation is about Ursa not wanting to miss Azula’s coronation showing a sign that Azula did want her there. She wanted her mother to be there, to be proud but as Azula said she thought of her own daughter as a monster. Or did she?

“I think you are confused all your life you were using a fear to control people.” Azula is facing these facts and she IS confused. In the fight with her “Mother” Azula is telling it to HERSELF, that she did not have choice as fear is the only reliable way of controlling people. Trying to force herself to believe the thing she was thought her whole life.

Azula is strategist she can’t make mistakes; every move must be perfect in order to win a battle, to win them she has to be strong, to be strong she needs to have power, and to gain that power she must make others to listen to her, and since trust can be easily broken fear is the best solution.

So how can it be that her strategy did not work? How can it be that people who feared her suddenly became stronger than her?

Azula was pushing away family, love, trust, friendship, everything that made her weak. And seeing how all those things only made other people stronger not weaker confused her. Zuko gained wisdom and happiness, May and Tai Lee got strength, Aang despite of being killed got up and fought, all of that happened because those people had someone to love and trust. Things Azula never believed in.

And final words “I love you Azula, I do.” Breaks her. She wants her love and somewhere deep inside she knew that she had it. In comics it is shown that it was Azula who told Ursa fire lord’s plan to kill Zuko making her mother do the deed and becoming banish. My personal theory is that Azula partly feels guilty because of it. Even if she did remove the obstacle and made Zuko weaker she also lost her own strength.

Azula was trying so hard to impress her father, she wanted to be a fire itself to burn and destroy. She did not know that fire was life and warmth like her mother.

In the past I did not want Azula’s redemption and I still do not want it. But I do believe that she does have potential. After all she was 14 at the end of the show and even younger when her mother left. We saw her not minding it, but as humans we remember that we do regret many things we did in our childhood as we were not fully aware of the consequences. Some ideas might sound good and be good for some time, but the time shows the flaws of our plans and the consequences we have to face. The best wee to describe is to compare it with a witch-trial where a seven-year-old girl accused her family of being witches. It was proven that she did not like them and they were hanged; but after losing her family she was either left on the streets to die or became accused herself.

Azula did the same thing, she hated her mother for loving Zuko more, not being able to see bigger picture and got rid of her. She was unable to see the mistake she made but was able to feel it.

All the regret, need for love, for warmth, for friendship, for trust, was represented in that mirror, and she tried to break it, but the only thing left in the mirror was her broken self, making those unwanted emotions only ones she could feel.

[homespork-review]

HOMESPORK ACT 5 ACT 1: Mobius Double Plusungood, Part 3

TW: """funny""" sexual and physical assault of a child by another child, extreme bullying, extreme ableism, a very brief discussion of shipping characters outside their canon sexuality.

CHEL: We get some implications of the part of troll culture we ended on last time when a slightly baffled-looking Nepeta, watching through the viewport, updates her SHIPPING WALL. Instead of hearts, some of the hypothetical pairings she’s painted are marked with diamonds. What this means will be explained shortly.

I can’t help but feel it’s slightly creepy to hypothetically matchmake your own friends, but I’m pretty sure the other trolls know at least that the shipping wall exists if not exactly which ships they’re in, and they do live in a society in which it’s stated later that mating is mandatory, so it would indeed be helpful to have at least emergency-doable matchmaking done well in advance and they might appreciate the help.

I’d like to take a moment to note a ship at the bottom row, left of centre; GA/Tavros. Hussie, on his Formspring, later said that GA was “obviously” a lesbian, or anyway was only interested in women, which doesn’t have a specific term for it in troll culture. It’s actually hard to tell going by what’s shown in canon, because she only displays specific interest in girls except for in a complicated case we’ll discuss later, but trolls are supposed to be bi-normative, plus it’s not like the male selection here is particularly inspiring, so, yeah, the evidence we actually see isn't conclusively "obvious". The fandom, knowing this, systematically harass anyone who even muses vaguely about the possibility of shipping her with a boy, even if they don't know about that Word of God. This is why I’m wondering whether the trolls knew about the shipping wall, because if they did, we can presume GA didn’t care. For the record, I’m sex-repulsed ace and have in fact written about.my own imaginary persona fucking (admittedly fucking an opposite sex clone of herself, it was a complicated injoke) and my reaction to someone else writing it would depend on context and reason, so I can imagine her reacting similarly, but not everyone would. A similar thing with a canonically gay male character explicitly on-screen not caring about hypothetical shipping of himself with girls comes up much later; he’s not a troll, but his upbringing was troll-influenced (long story).

BRIGHT: Harassing people over the ships they make content for always baffles me. It’s not like fanart/fanfic for a ship which contradicts canon has any effect on the canon, and playing around with character dynamics (often in a pornographic manner) is a major part of fanfic.

CHEL: On top of all this, gender and sexuality are really shaky concepts to even try to apply to a species which reproduces hermaphroditically. On this side of the fourth wall it’s obviously because Hussie is a not-very-reflective cisgender heterosexual man, and didn’t think about it any further than “girls wear skirts, right?” Plenty of people fanwank up possibilities for how it could happen on the other side. I think we may have to make a “What The Fuck Is Alternian Biology And Sociology” post or two separate from the sporking at the very end.

Discourse discussion over! Next page, we see some of the relevant terminology used in troll culture, though we still don’t get any explanation of what any of the words actually mean, which is a tad annoying for new readers. The context is a discussion between Karkat and Vriska about getting her into the game.

BRIGHT: Specifically, Karkat wants Vriska to get Tavros into the game, leading to this exchange…

CG: WHY DO YOU EVEN HATE HIM, IT'S FUCKING RIDICULOUS. CG: IF ANYTHING YOU SHOULD PITY HIM. CG: ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU WERE THE ONE WHO PARALYZED HIM. AG: I know. I don't really understand it. AG: It's just a really special kind of h8! It never goes away and it doesn't make a lot of sense. CG: THIS IS KIND OF A WEIRD TIME TO BE CONFIDING IN ME ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS OF BLACK ROMANCE BUT OK. AG: Oh god, what? CG: I MEAN IF YOU'RE REALLY IMPLYING TAVROS IS YOUR KISMESIS I THINK YOU'RE BRAYING UP THE WRONG FROND NUB. CG: BOTH PARTIES HAVE TO HATE EACH OTHER EQUALLY, I MEAN LIKE TRUE HATE. CG: MAYBE YOUR FEELINGS COME SOMEWHAT CLOSE TO FITTING THE BILL BUT I DON'T THINK HE CAN HATE ANYONE, IT'S WEIRD, HE'S KIND OF BROKEN IN THE HEAD.

Finally, our long-awaited introduction to troll romance!

And the introduction is an effective one. We now know that there’s something called ‘black romance’, that it concerns hate, and that one’s black-romantic partner is a ‘kismesis’. The conversation also flows naturally and fits the characters having it, rather than being an awkward as-you-know infodump, although brace yourselves, there’s one of those coming up. Thirteen is about right for kids starting to have romantic feelings and being confused about it, not wanting to talk about it is pretty normal, and Karkat lecturing people at a good opportunity is absolutely in character.

Karkat goes on to lecture Vriska about the emotions involved in different sorts of romantic relationships, and wow, it really says a lot about troll culture…

CG: OK, MOST PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T HAD THEIR LOBE STEM CAUTERIZED ARE CAPABLE OF FEELING THE TWO PRIMARY EMOTIONS, HATE AND PITY. CG: PITY IS OF COURSE JUST THE TONED DOWN VERSION OF THE CENTRAL EMOTION, HATE. CG: AND ALL THE NUANCES OF PITY MANIFEST AS VARIOUS OTHER KINDS OF FEELINGS LIKE WHATEVER CHEMICAL REACTIONS TRIGGER MATING FONDNESS OR THE MYSTERIOUS FORCES THAT ARE BEHIND MOIRALLEGIANCE.

CHEL: It’s never really clear if this is just Karkat’s idea of it or if this is how trolls actually work biologically. Trolls do use the word “love” later on, so I always interpreted it as “pity” being a euphemistic term because “love” in such a warlike and oppressive culture could be exploited as a weakness. Fandom has played it with their love actually being based on a weird form of sympathy/seeing the other as needing protection, which is also plausible.

FAILURE ARTIST: I have played with the pity thing before but in retrospect Karkat is the only one who seems to see it that way. Maybe this is all his fake deep teenager view of romance.

BRIGHT: Vriska makes a performance of how bored she is, but Karkat’s on a roll.

CG: A WELL BALANCED PERSON IS IS GOING TO HAVE A GOOD DISTRIBUTION BETWEEN HATE AND THE VARIOUS PITY HUMORS. CG: HAVING A GOOD BALANCE KEEPS ALL THE EMOTIONS SHARPER, SEE I THINK THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM. AG: Oh???????? AG: I hope you know I already wore out some good note-taking pens today. All the pens. AG: All of them. CG: SEE, MY HATE IS LIKE A FINELY TUNED INSTRUMENT BECAUSE I'M AWARE OF THESE PRINCIPLES. CG: I COULD HATE A HOLE IN PARADOX SPACE ITSELF, STRAIGHT THROUGH TO A NEW REALITY FRESH FOR THE HATING. AG: Hahahahahahahaha, you don't even know how much I'm laughing at this. CG: BUT SEE, YOU'RE TOO HEAVY ON THE HATE SIDE, OR AT LEAST YOU PRETEND TO BE WHICH IS MAYBE WORSE. AG: You aren't reading anything I say are you? You just want to talk and talk and talk. CG: AND YOU THINK YOU'RE HATING UP EVERYONE HARD WHEN YOU'RE REALLY JUST BURNING OUT THAT ENTIRE EMOTIONAL HEMISPHERE. CG: IT'S LIKE LUKEWARM HATE. PRETENDER'S HATE, WITH NO COUNTERPOINT AT ALL. CG: AS SUCH THERE'S NO REAL SUBSTANCE TO YOUR HATE, IT'S LIKE A CARDBOARD MOVIE PROP. CG: WHICH IS WHY YOUR BRAIN IS BROKEN, KIND OF LIKE TAVROS'S BUT ON THE OPPOSITE HEMISPHERE I GUESS. CG: OR MAYBE YOUR BROKEN BRAIN LED TO THE IMBALANCE IN THE FIRST PLACE, I DON'T KNOW. CG: WHATEVER THE CASE IS, YOU'RE KIND OF EMOTIONALLY SCREWED, SORRY TO SAY. CG: YOUR HATE'S TOO DULL FOR A PROPER KISMESIS, IN MY OPINION. CG: AND I DON'T SEE ANYONE CHOMPING AT THE BIT TO BE YOUR MOIRAIL HONESTLY, UNLESS THERE'S SOMEONE OUT THERE WHO WOULD ACTUALLY BOTHER PITYING YOU. CG: AND LANDING A MATESPRIT? HAHAHAHA! CG: SERIOUSLY, LIKE THAT WOULD EVEN INTEREST YOU. CG: BASICALLY ANY FEATURE OF YOUR EMOTIONAL PROFILE THAT USUALLY MAKES SOMEONE VIABLE IN THE REDROM DEPARTMENT MUST BE TOTALLY FRIED. CG: YOUR BLACKROM POTENTIAL'S PROBABLY TOAST TOO.

Whew.

So now we have ‘kismesis’, ‘moirail’, and ‘matesprit’ as terms for romantic partners, as well as the concepts of black romance, red romance, and ‘moirallegiance’ as the relationship one has with a moirail. Troll romance is not going to get any less confusing for a while.

If Karkat’s grasp of psychology strikes you as amateurish, there’s a reason for that: He gets all his knowledge from romance movies.

AG: Hey asshole, stop watching movies for girls.

I think that’s another strike against the ‘girls are the dangerous ones on Alternia’ argument. Romance movies, per this exchange, are both female-coded and seen as inferior -- Karkat defends his viewing choices by saying they’re INTRIGUING SOCIOLOGICALLY, but Vriska isn’t buying it.

CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 42 WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 33

CHEL: I’m not sure an interest in the workings of romance should be a socially gendered thing in a society where, as it turns out, you have to have an acceptable romantic partner by a certain time or die. You’d think most kids would be trying as hard as they could to learn and put into practice everything they could about it, and you’d also think there’d be better information for them than romcoms.

BRIGHT: Has the mate-or-die part come up yet? I’m not sure when Hussie thought of it.

CHEL: I don’t know if he’d thought of it yet, but it does come up very soon.

BRIGHT: Karkat then moves on to the original reason he contacted Vriska -- he needs her and her mind powers in the game, because he’s just run into a double agent called Jack.

Over on the next panel, Karkat is still talking to Vriska, but he’s glancing back over his shoulder at Jack Noir. His hand is covered in blood, which keeps cycling through a range of colours. The blood, it transpires, is because Jack stabbed him. Karkat is amazingly calm about this.

CG: HE'S COOL, IT'S FINE I DON'T REALLY MIND THE STABBING, IT WAS ALL A MISUNDERSTANDING. CG: WELL OK I'M PRETTY SURE HE MEANT TO STAB ME. CG: BUT I KIND OF THINK THAT'S LIKE CG: THE WAY HE GREETS PEOPLE? AG: This game is so stupid. CG: IN ANY CASE I THINK HE'S PROBABLY ALL STABBED OUT.

This would be ridiculously chill even from someone who isn’t extremely cagey about his blood colour -- and it’s not that Karkat suddenly doesn’t care any more, because as soon as Vriska says she’ll ask Terezi or Jack what colour he’s bleeding, he tells her that he’s out of Terezi’s range, Jack is sworn to secrecy, and Sollux (who’s incommunicado) is the only one who knows how to make Trollian’s viewport feature work. (Given we saw how easy it is to use earlier, I’m surprised Vriska doesn’t try to figure it out herself.)

Over on the next panel, the viewer is now Jack, a few minutes prior to this conversation. Contrary to Karkat’s protestations, Jack stabs him because He's got a pretty sharp tongue and can't seem to keep it sheathed. He is curious when Karkat cares less about the wound and more about Jack seeing his blood colour, which is apparently some freakish mutation. Jack looks at his knife…

CHEL: While it’s not a realistic depiction of the colour, recall that this is the shade of red used in-comic to depict human blood. This reveal probably isn’t a surprise to anyone by now, if you’ve encountered fanart, and honestly it wasn’t a huge mindblowing revelation on my first read before I knew, but I do think it’s a clever little “aha, THAT’S why!” moment. Skilfully done.

It seems he's the only one of his kind with this mutant candy-red blood. An outcast. He thinks he was put on this planet covered in an ocean of his own blood to be taunted. Punished for something. Saddest story you ever heard. Got to do something to shut him up.

BRIGHT: Awww. That’s kind of sweet.

This little interchange gave rise to the ‘Stabdads’ fandom phenomenon, where Spades Slick is envisaged as Karkat’s father-figure. In Homestuck canon, it’s dubious how much affection Slick has for Karkat. He seems more irritated by him than anything else, but that’s about on par for how he treats the rest of the Midnight Crew. On the other hand, it clearly makes a massive impact on Karkat. We’ve seen how important blood colour is on Alternia and how insecure he is about his own; his sudden rush of fellow-feeling towards Jack is understandable, even if it does make him way too forgiving about having been stabbed.

CHEL: Karkat and Jack shake hands, and proceed to be in cahoots. Cahoooooooots. Doodling on the defaced parking ticket from earlier, they draft OPERATION REGISURP.

Your whole team executes the plan along the course of its journey, employing espionage, mind control tactics, political sabotage, vicious interrogations and cold blooded assassinations. Everyone does their part and you begin to learn the true meaning of teamwork, as well as this troll disease called friendship.

Yeah, it actually happening is skipped over with one paragraph, but that’s probably a good thing with all the complexity already going on, and we do hear more details about it. First, we’re reminded of the existence and functions of the Queens’ Rings, the magic rings the queens of Derse and Prospit have which give them traits and powers from whatever the players put in their sprites. The trolls have put their lusii in their sprites, except for Aradia, whose lusus died long ago, so she got in the sprite herself. The Queen could put up with getting bits and pieces from eleven hideous monsters (well, ten hideous monsters and one adowable little fairybull thing oh my gosh it’s cuuuute) tacked onto her, but what she absolutely won’t stand for is the other thing Aradia put in her sprite…

She could not stand bearing the visage of the most loathsome creature known to existence. So vile is its appearance, so contemptible its purpose, all depictions of the creature let alone members of its population are permanently banned from any jurisdiction in the reach of her agents. Those of its kind go by many names, and so does the reviled patron god they herald - THE GREAT DETESTATION, KING PONDSQUATTER, SPEAKER OF THE VAST JOKE, or most commonly, BILIOUS SLICK.

Recall that AR thought of the hieroglyphs in the Frog Temple as “illegal pictography”. We’ll find out later why the Black Queen has such a revulsion for frogs, it’s important. But the important part right now is that she took the ring off. At the time of planning it’s in the ROYAL VAULT.

We briefly see a moment in the future of the Black Queen wrapped in rags, just like the human sessions’ White Queen, wandering the desert as the BANISHED QUASIROYAL, and the caption notes the plan was a success.

However, Doc Scratch appears in the desert in front of her, and it’s noted she was given a new purpose. This, it seems, is the origin of Snowman.

FAILURE ARTIST: I would like if there was some canon Homestuck material expanding on this REGISURP plot.

BRIGHT: Same! It sounds really interesting. One example of Homestuck’s idiosyncratic pacing, I suppose -- we spend pages and pages on trivial alchimeter nonsense, but skip over something more meaty.

CHEL: The Red Team work on that, while the Blue Team battle their own session… or so they think. Yeah, I’m sure you’ve all already figured it out, but the trolls hadn’t just yet. They note that their prototypes are affecting the opposite team’s underlings, and the readers are shown Alternia’s two Frog Temples, one near Aradia’s home and the other near Kanaya’s, each with six pillars outside (one seems to have five, but the sixth is hidden behind the building). Superimposed on each other, the pillars make a full ring of twelve.

The truth was it had always been the same session all along. That your teams were not competing, but cooperating toward a common goal. In the more drawn out form of this adventure's narrative, figuring this out would have been a huge deal. We would have been completely blown away by this stunning revelation. Wow. Same session all along. Really? Huh.

This is what Aradia’s been so mysterious about. She knew. We’re provided with a handy diagram, in case we haven’t been able to keep up.

After watching the phrases MOBIUS DOUBLE and REACH AROUND toggle for a few minutes while in a sort of stupor, you finally snap out of it.

(I just noticed, the Blue Team are the Derse dreamers and the Red Team are the Prospit dreamers. Neat!)

The reader’s attention is drawn instead to the Aquarius and Pisces symbols in the top left, belonging to characters we haven’t met yet, and the narration promises we’ll learn about them soon. Drawing attention again to GA’s Virgo symbol, the narration muses about her.

It will probably be quite some time before you get to be her. It could very well be pages and pages and pages.

Naturally, we jump right back to her.

GA’s intro is long, so we’ll take it piece by piece.

Your name is KANAYA MARYAM.

The Sanskrit name for Virgo is “Kanya”, and it’s also the name of a town in Japan. “Maryam” is the Arabic version of “Mary”, as in Jesus’ mother. It may also be a reference to Marya Zaleska, the title character of the movie “Dracula’s Daughter”.

You are one of the few of your kind who can withstand the BLISTERING ALTERNIAN SUN, and perhaps the only who enjoys the feel of its rays. As such, you are one of the few of your kind who has taken a shining to LANDSCAPING. You have cultivated a lush oasis around your hive, and in particular, you have honed your craft through the art of TOPIARY, sculpting your trees to match the PUFFY ORACLES from your dreams. You have embraced the tool of this trade, which conveniently is the weapon of choice for those who would hunt the HEINOUS BROODS OF THE UNDEAD which crawl from the sand at sunrise to feast on the light and the living.

Couple things established here; trolls are not only nocturnal but actively harmed by their planet’s sun, and undead beings other than ghosts exist. Said traditional weapon for hunting them is a chainsaw, which we can see lying against her bookshelf, a reference to the Evil Dead movies.

It would be convenient if you actually hunted them, but it is of course far too dangerous, every bit as suicidal as attempting to poach the terrible MUSCLEBEASTS who roam at night. So you indulge in your bright fascination with the grim through literature. Just before the sun goes down and you join your flora in rest, you immerse yourself in tales of RAINBOW DRINKERS and SHADOW DROPPERS and FORBIDDEN PASSION.

Rainbow drinkers are, as discussed later on, troll vampires. I don’t think shadow droppers are ever expanded on, but they might be zombies or werebeasts. Troll goths, apparently, are the reverse of human goths, dressing in bright colours and staying up in the daytime, which makes sense for a species who can only safely go out at night.

You are one of the few of your kind with JADE GREEN BLOOD. As such you are one of the few who could be selected and raised by a VIRGIN MOTHER GRUB, an event so rare as to elude documented precedent. She would defend you from desert threats, and though her life would be short, in time you would assure her of progeny.

Recall that the Mother Grub is required for troll reproduction.

You are a SEAMSTRESS or a RAGRIPPER or a TREETRIMMER or a LUMBERJACK, whichever you care to be, and your unique hive is equipped with a great supply of advanced technology to accommodate your interests. The technology and indeed the hive itself were all recovered from the ruins nearby when you were very young. The seed of your hive was deployed on the volcanic rocks beneath the sand with the assistance of your lusus and her remarkable burrowing skills, and you have lived there happily together since. You know the ruins and the hive and everything here that is not sand and rock originated from the world of your dreams. You also know that one day you will visit this world while you are awake. That day is today.

Like Jade, Kanaya has been awake on Prospit for years, and the technology in question is Skaian in origin, so that’s how she knows what’s going on with the game.

Kanaya is prompted to equip her chainsaw, which promptly turns into a lipstick in a Problem Sleuth reference. Like Jade, she has a Wardrobifier, set to randomise, which suddenly turns her black shirt and red skirt into a red leaf-print dress. She takes out the lipstick.

You can choose between your trademark jade or black. Even though a troll's lips are naturally black. But they can always be blacker, and a lady with a true sense of style knows this.

She goes with green, her dress turns into a blue kimono, and she’s messaged by someone with a fuschia Pisces symbol. This person, named cuttlefishCuller, turns out to be rather excitable, greeting her in all caps and following it up with Glub glub glub glub glub!

BRIGHT: This conversation is pretty sweet, with some friendly joking about CC’s quirk (they stick hyphens in front of their capital Es) and mention of their Collapsing And Expanding Bladder Based Aquatic Vascular System. There’s another mention of moirails, with CC saying they’ll have to join the game late to keep an eye on theirs.

It also turns out both CC and Kanaya are having some premonitions of what’s to come! Kanaya is seeing visions in the clouds of Skaia, the same way Jade does, but CC hears whispers from a mysterious ‘she’ who needs her voice keeping down. It’s implied to be CC’s lusus, as both Kanaya and CC are aware their lusii are going to die soon.

Kanaya hopes to be with her lusus as she dies, but looks out of the window to find the Virgin Mother Grub has already passed away, apparently of natural causes.

CHEL: The Mother Grub was seen briefly before; it’s a moth-like creature with a huge fat body the size of a bus, with wings too small to ever lift it, horns the same shape as Kanaya’s, and a skull-like head with big lips. The skull on Terezi’s Doomsday Scale was, we can tell now, a Mother Grub, except quite a lot bigger - presumably a breeding Grub.

BRIGHT: Kanaya changes back into her original outfit, and goes down to live up to her end of the bargain… which entails slicing a hole in her lusus with her chainsaw and pulling out a round object covered in spikes the colour of trolls’ horns, called a Matriorb. Kanaya stores it in her sylladex; she’s using a CHASTITY MODUS, which locks each card away, and the key will serendipitously be discovered when it’s time for the card to be unlocked. These modii are getting more and more esoteric.

Kanaya proceeds to have a conversation with her own moirail, Vriska, which we already read earlier.

You then proceed to have the rest of this conversation we already read, bugging and fussing and meddling through the special and magical union one can only describe as being in moirallegiance with another. At least, you guess that's how you would describe it. Maybe. Troll romance sure is confusing!

Yes, yes it is. (Spoiler: It’s not that confusing once it’s explained.)

Kanaya doesn’t have long to dwell on the conversation, as she’s contacted by caligulasAquarium, someone with a violet Aquarius symbol who she doesn’t seem to think highly of. It rapidly becomes apparent why.

CA: kan make her talk to me do somethin GA: Who CA: your no good connivvin fuckin backstabbin girl crush thats wwho

CHEL: Trolls are supposed to come bi/pan as standard, so why does he need to specify “girl crush”? I wonder if Hussie hadn’t decided that yet when he wrote this part, but I’m not sure.

WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 34

CA’s gender hasn’t been revealed, but let’s not kid ourselves, we know from how he’s talking that he’s a dude. Nice Girls certainly exist but they don’t tend to get portrayed as so whiny in fiction, plus CC comes off as very girly, and that leaves us with six boy and six girl trolls. Balance and opposites and counterparts are a running theme throughout Homestuck. Not that there can’t be nonbinary characters, as some show up in Hiveswap; just that there would most likely have to be an even number of them, split evenly between the groups of players. Fine by me as a nonbinary person with a thing for balance and even numbers of my own.

Also, note that we’ve seen this guy, or at least his hand and foot, before. This is the litter-hater in the bowling shoes.

GA: Overstating Our Relationship Wont Make Me Feel Very Cooperative GA: Its Paler Red Than That Ok CA: pshhhhhh that is a fuckin laugh and you knoww it evveryone does CA: so help me out tell her to talk to me i think she blocked me you got to GA: Why Do I Got To GA: I Dont Got To And Every Time You Take My Help For Granted I Feel Like I Got To A Little Less CA: wwhatEVVER you are so the vvillage twwo wwheel devvice wwhen it comes to auspisticing CA: you cant let a grudge go by you wwont stick your busy stem betwwixt so get wwith the program fussyfangs

BRIGHT: Oh hey, another troll romance term! ‘Auspisticing’ is the last of the lot, don’t worry.

CA: wwho givves a shit wwhy she blocked me or about my fuckin manners come on youvve got a wway wwith her CA: i figure if youre going to auspisticize any twwo brinesuckers wwho sneer at each other a funny wway you might as wwell make it official and be ours right GA: Your Black Solicitation Just Seems Really Indecent

Funny words aside, Hussie does a good job at laying down context for what auspisticism is here; we now know that it involves mediating between two parties who dislike each other and that it’s a form of black romance. Meshing worldbuilding naturally into the dialogue is something Homestuck does really well at times.

Anyway, CA is trying to get in contact with Vriska because he asked her to make something for him and now she’s blowing him off.

GA: What Is It CA: kan stupid wwhat do you think its a fuckin gizmo to bloww up the wworld or somethin CA: ok wwell not that obvviously CA: but somethin thatll kill all land dwwellers wwhat else wwould i be after GA: Can You Just For A Moment Entertain The Thoughts Of One Untouched By Megalomaniacal Derangement And Tell Me Why Id Want To Assist You With That CA: wwell CA: im not goin to vvery wwell kill you am i that wwould be fuckin unconscionable CA: wwhat kind of friend wwould i be

While CA is obviously a douche, there’s something funny about how over-the-top he is about it and how utterly oblivious he is to the idea that Kanaya might have a problem with a device that would kill all landdwellers, although the humour is inversely proportionate to how likely he is to pull it off.

CHEL: Maybe I’m strange, but I think he’s adorable. I get the impression of a small kid trying to puff himself up to adult size.

BRIGHT: There’s also more romance talk, and this next bit is one I find interesting:

CA: you could either play along as our auspistice and do a little mediating like you wwere fuckin hatched to CA: or wwatch she and me devvolvve into fuckin full fledged kismesisses the kind like you dont get once in ten thousand swweeps CA: you knoww thats wwhat it wwould be there wwould be rainboww rivvers runnin through star systems and all nebulizin like liquid firewworks CA: it wwill be beautiful and heartbreaking all at once CA: you should read up on your history instead of poring through that godawwfull sunny rubbish

I’m going to take a step back from Homestuck itself for a moment and talk about kismessitude as it’s portrayed in fandom. People tend to envision it in a variety of ways -- some see it as a BDSM relationship, some as a way of pushing a rival to be better, some as just straight-up hate-sex -- but most depictions show it as something that only affects the two people involved.

Here, though? CA’s talking about kismessitude as something that’s potentially really damn dangerous, to other people besides those involved, and cites history as a backup -- implying it can really be that dangerous, and it’s not just a teenager’s flight of fancy. (Although, that said, CA is clearly using this to try and get Kanaya in a relationship with him, so how sincere he is is questionable.)

CHEL: Later on we do see a little bit of one of the historical cases he might have been citing. We’ll discuss it more then. Also, I do like him saying “sunny” instead of “gloomy”. Makes sense!

Kanaya tells CA none of this matters, and he sneers about the “purity of the bloodline”. That’s an… uncomfortable turn of phrase, especially since he’s speaking to someone not covered by the “purity” standard, but since it applies to aliens and it’s in a society where that’s hammered into its inhabitants it’s not a Problematykks issue. Kanaya tells him it still won’t matter because their race will be wiped out entirely, and his reaction is remarkably understated:

CA: huh CA: wwell ok HURRY UP AND DO NOTHING: 11

CA says he knows Kanaya doesn’t lie except to herself, surprisingly perceptive for one so puffed-up otherwise. CA might be smarter than he’s letting on? He asks if her clouds told her that; that was the reader’s assumption too, but she says no, she has a different source. Uh-oh. We know what the last source of information was, and it cost Vriska an arm and an eye-sevenfold. CA’s own clouds “hide nothin but misfortune and monstrosities”, so we can guess she’s Prospit and he’s Derse. He goes back to nagging her to tell Vriska to talk to him, and when she continues to refuse he poutily steps off.

CA: you dont wwant to be our auspistice cause you dont wwant to get locked into that sort of relation wwith her i can respect that

Kanaya denies this, and CA says everyone knows, including Karkat.

GA: Its Unbelievable GA: Her Patience CA: wwhat CA: wwhoa wwait wwho GA: Never Mind CA: ok wwait did she talk to you today CA: wwhat did she say CA: or glub or wwhatevver

They’re talking about CC, if it wasn’t clear. Kanaya, in a callback to John’s comment to Terezi, facetiously tells him that she talked about Longing To Touch You Indiscretely and That Shes Basically In The Scarlet Throes For You. CA, flustered, picks up that she’s teasing him, and she tells him the truth, that CC’s just concerned as a moirail.

CA: if youre not savvvvy about howw you define yourself to people CA: you can just splash into the moirail zone before you knoww wwhich wways upwward

I’m going to comment on this attitude in a bit more detail when we get a clearer explanation of what moirallegiance actually is. CA leaves her with some arc words.

CA: being a kid and growwing up CA: its hard and nobody understands

Kanaya heads back to her room, planning to emphatically not meddle but help her friends, and consults her source; it’s fortunately not a Doc Scratch-related one at all. It is, in fact, Rose’s long-forgotten GameFAQ, saved on a server floating in the Furthest Ring, to which Prospit’s clouds directed her. I have to show you the panel for a moment though…

I’m sure there was a way we could see the screen without having it facing away from Kanaya who’s supposed to be reading it.

You can only assume this took place a long time ago. This race is likely ancient, preceding yours by millions of sweeps. Maybe billions! You like to try to imagine the adventures of these players. Were they successful in repopulating their race? Did they manage to protect their matriorb and hatch a new mother grub? Could they hold it together, or were they torn apart by the complex social dynamics, the matespritships and moirallegiences and auspisticisms and kismesissitudes that will surely plague your group along the way? You have little doubt they succeeded with flying colors.

Oh dear, dramatic irony. Kanaya fantasises about a troll version of Rose, thinking she must have been the leader of this supposedly long-ago group.

And yet they appear to have been the only of their kind to have risen to the challenge in a session stacked heavily against them.

Huh. So is this just because Kanaya can’t find more information, or are the four kids in fact the only humans who successfully got into the game? Picking four specifically white-coded kids to be the last of the human race due to supposedly their own competence is… not a good choice. And why the hell couldn’t other people succeed? This strikes me as more of the whole theme of “nobody matters except the people we’re focusing on”. A good lampshading of video game tropes, but in a literary story, that’s the opposite message to everything I’ve ever read, and it’s a creepy one.

CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 43 HURRY UP AND DO NOTHING: 12 WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 35

BRIGHT: I thiiiiiiiink it’s at least implied later on that there are other sessions going, it’s just that each session is a closed loop of players so we don’t see the others...although if that’s the case, does that mean Earth’s getting hit with meteors from multiple Skaias?

CHEL: That over with for the moment, we cut to Tavros’ house as you take your place as the PAGE OF BREATH in the LAND OF SAND AND ZEPHYR. Vriska, his server player, gets down to the business of building up his house towards the Gate…

… entirely out of staircases.

AT: i THINK THIS, iS, AT: pROBABLY MEANT TO ANTAGONIZE ME,

Okay, this probably makes me a bad person, but I’m crying with laughter at his expression and that line.

It’s more disability slapstick, but here the point of the joke comes off as being more that Vriska is a jerk and Tavros’ reaction is really understated than any reasonable person being supposed to assume Tavros is wrong for not being able to climb stairs. Emphasis on “comes off as”, unfortunately. I’m still gonna give a Problematykks point, and further experience with Hussie’s attitude to disability has soured the joke somewhat, even in just the next couple of pages.

CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 44

BRIGHT: Vriska tries to get Tavros to crawl up the stairs, first by telling him that he promised not to be boring anymore and then by saying that she’s trying to help him get stronger. She caps off the rant by demanding that he apologise.

AT: oKAY, AT: tHANKS, i GUESS, AT: bUT, AT: sORRY FOR WHAT, AG: For 8eing crippled, you ass! AT: yOU WANT ME TO APOLOGIZE, AT: fOR BEING PARALYZED, AG: Yes. AG: Say you're sorry. AT: i DON'T MEAN TO BE RUDE, oR bORING, AT: bUT THAT'S RIDICULOUS, gIVEN, AT: uH, tHE CIRCUMSTANCES, AG: 8ullshit! AG: It's something called 8asic decency and civility you fudge8looded 8oor. AG: Now get down on your useless wo88ly knees and apologize. AT: nO, i DON'T WANT TO, AG: >::::O

Vriska, what the fuck.

Tavros is really great here. He’s obviously not comfortable fighting with Vriska, and repeatedly tries to redirect her into building him ramps instead of engaging. But, at the same time, he holds his ground and doesn’t let her push him around, and won’t let go of solid hard reality in the face of Vriska trying to emotionally manipulate him.

FAILURE ARTIST: And yet people still call him a wimp.

BRIGHT: Vriska retaliates, because of course she does, by grabbing his wheelchair with her cursor and shaking it about. If Hussie left it at that, everything would be unobjectionable, at least in terms of narrative voice. Instead, well…

Now she's done it. She has awoken the mighty inner fury that is... RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

CHEL: It just occurred to me to mention that the name Rufio comes from a character in the movie Hook, the leader of the Lost Boys after Peter Pan left, played by Dante Basco. Tavros’ mental image of him is a reference to that character.

FAILURE ARTIST: Dante Basco did read Homestuck, with hilarious results as we will see.

But unfortunately, Rufio is not real. He's imaginary. A fake. Like a made up friend, the way fairies are. You continue to be sad and alone.

BRIGHT: Eurgh.

Let me be clear: Tavros having no further recourse to deal with Vriska’s abuse beyond his visualised self-esteem is a problem for the character, but it’s not necessarily a narrative problem per se. Escapism is a thing. You could get a decent character arc out of Tavros learning better ways to deal with harassment he can’t escape. It is a narrative problem when the narrator mocks it and makes him out to be pathetic for even trying it.

CHEL: I’d consider this to be just Tavros’ own thought process, but, sadly, this kind of narrative sneering at him carries on throughout Tavros’ presence in the comic and the fandom seems to buy into it. Tavros gets a lot of hate for reasons which mostly boil down to him being a male abuse victim; there’s a feeling that he should “try harder” to fight back, despite him being physically disabled and a member of a caste out of sight beneath her on the social ladder and legally permitted to be killed by her on a whim. Might that count as a point for WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM, for Huss and the fandom not taking the social dynamics into account for why Tavros can’t defend himself?

BRIGHT: I don’t know if it’s fair to count against the fandom when we’re reviewing Homestuck proper, but we can definitely count against Hussie!

WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 36

CHEL: It’s also notable that the common fandom interpretation of Tavros is as Hispanic-coded, at least partly due to his Spanish username, and of Vriska as white-coded. That’s probably not helping.

Since Hussie appears to expect us to agree with Vriska that this is funny, I’m adding another to these as well.

ALL THE LUCK: 2 CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 45 IN HATE WITH MY CREATION: 3

BRIGHT: What’s weird about this whole mess is that Hussie doesn’t — yet — try to say that Tavros should be trying to get stronger; his disability is fully acknowledged. I feel like this kind of mockery is usually accompanied by the attitude that disabled people should just get over their disability, but Hussie’s clear that Tavros can’t. Which means he should do...what, exactly?

CHEL: Not have let Vriska disable him in the first place, presumably. Never mind that, you know, she has mind control powers so he didn’t really have a choice in that either. That is, however, an argument Vriska fans actually make. Apparently some of them actually blame him for not flying when she threw him off the cliff, which… well, unpowered flight is a thing that can happen in the comic but he certainly couldn’t do it then.

BRIGHT: ...Apparently I retain the capacity for surprise at how awful people can be. The fuck?

Back in the comic, Tavros fortunately does have one other means of recourse. Back in her hive, Vriska is suddenly prodded in the back with a flying toilet, courtesy of Kanaya.

GA: Just Presenting A Floating Reminder That Tavros Will Need Plenty Of Inclined Surfaces For His Ascent AG: That's silly. I made so many ramps, you wouldn't even 8elieve it. AG: I specifically decided I wanted to 8uild something ugly and 8oring. It is now the land of ramps and yawns. GA: Hes Reported Otherwise AG: That lousy snitch! May8e I should take his computer away so he can't go crying to fussyfangs anymore. GA: Maybe I Should Upend This Load Gaper Over Your Head AG: No, don't! GA: Im Still Learning The Interface GA: It Could Happen Accidentally At Any Moment AG: I'm only trying to help him. ::::( GA: Think Of Another Way To Help

CHEL: Did I mention Kanaya is my zodiac troll? I can only long to reach her heights of awesome. Of course the ability to levitate toilets would kinda help.

BRIGHT: Vriska heads down to her treasure vault and retrieves a pair of ROCKET SHOES. The captchalogue code for these is ‘PSHOOOES’, which amuses me greatly. Vriska sends the code to Tavros, who combines it with the code for his wheelchair to create a flying wheelchair. Now that is a good use of alchemising!

CHEL: Awww!

Tavros flies up to the Gate, and we cut back to him later on, leading an entourage of communed-with imps and ogres to move obstacles and help him solve puzzles. Using his skills well, I see! In another set of ruins the imps load jigsaw pieces of rock into a frog-shaped alcove,

Things, however, don’t continue to go so well, because Hussie hates this poor kid. I do not mean that facetiously. Statements he’s made elsewhere imply he has a hell of a lot of contempt for several of the characters he created, which I don’t understand at all. We’ll go into this after Act 7, but I get the sensation that the characters are merely tools to show off the complexity and meta references, which are the parts he really cares about.

BRIGHT: It’s not unknown for authors to dislike characters they wrote; the great Terry Pratchett reputedly hated his character Rincewind. The key difference is that in Pratchett’s case, the audience couldn’t tell. Hussie, on the other hand, tends to make his disdain pretty obvious, to the detriment of the story.

CHEL: That’s a point. Conan Doyle grew to hate Sherlock Holmes, too. He didn’t, however, set up situations solely to shit on Holmes in his books.

BRIGHT: I think that’s the key. I’ll forgive a multitude of failings as long as the author seems to be treating the characters fairly. That doesn’t mean that good things have to happen to them — plenty of bad things can happen and I’ll enjoy it — it just means that the author has to...respect how the character feels and would behave, I guess.

Of course, respect is Hussie’s antithesis, so.

Also, nothing so far has shown Vriska to be anything other than a (granted, entertaining) bully. I wasn’t around while Homestuck was updating, so I’m not sure when her fandom took off, but it has to be later than this, surely?

CHEL: I don’t know. I wasn’t around till about mid-Act 6.

What was I on about? Oh yes. Tavros is interrupted by Vriska again, who bitches him out for doing things the boring way and seeking the boring lore.

AG: The minds of your consorts are very soft and impressiona8le. AG: As easily manipul8ed as all those imps you've 8een 8ossing around. AG: I have picked apart their tiny little lizard 8rains and seen through all the smoke and mirrors of their riddles. AG: I have gotten to the truth they are guarding. The great 8ig mystery 8ehind this planet. And you know what it is, Tavros? AT: nO, AG: It's 8ullshit! AG: Meaningless, 8oring, fanciful 8ullshit wrapped in flowery poems to keep you guessing. AG: It all leads to one thing anyway, and that's what we should put our attention on. AG: Real gamers cut to the chase. They power through all the nonsense and go for the gold. AG: They cheat, Tavros. AG: It is time you learned to start cheating.

Interesting theory. Tavros thinks befriending his monsters instead of killing them is cheating, and Vriska grudgingly agrees but is annoyed he isn’t killing anything. She claims to have designed a better and more challenging quest for him; he asks after her own quest, and she says she has time because Kanaya’s busy.

AG: Which is just as well 8ecause I was starting to get nannied HARD. WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 37

Strange word choice for a species raised by animals, but okay. Vriska sends Tavros a map to the next Gate, and he sets off in his little rocket chair. Little does he know.

You proceed through what seems to be your second gate, into the LAND OF MAPS AND TREASURE. The THIEF OF LIGHT lies in wait.

In a callback to our last meeting of Breath and Light players, Tavros crashes through Vriska’s wall and is left hanging upside-down in the rocket chair from the large cobwebs across the room, while Vriska sleeps on a pile of broken eight-balls. Doesn’t look comfortable, but trolls rest in worse places later. Vriska wakes, and Tavros falls head-first onto the floor.

Here is where it gets incredibly uncomfortable, and we have to show it in detail to assign points properly and so that there’s no ambiguity about what’s happening, so if you have any sexual assault, ableism, underage, mind control, or victim-blaming triggers you may want to skip this part. No clothing is removed but it’s very unpleasant to read and the attitude toward it is worse. Seriously, this is Taklamakan Zoo levels of bad.

(This heading below’s not part of the comic, I just put it there so you can skip. The sequence ends with the piece of fanart of Kanaya looking at the sideways screen.)

~*THE ASSAULT STARTS HERE*~

Vriska sits up. She’s wearing a very short strappy white Tinkerbell dress with her sign on it, and what look like over-the-knee socks, a commonly fetishised style of clothing. I remind you these characters are supposed to be thirteen years old. The dress is also the same as the one worn by the fairy in the artwork on Tavros’ desktop background. I don’t know if Vriska had seen that or not.

FAILURE ARTIST:

To be fair she’s just in an actually-more-modest version of what Peter Pan’s sidekick/love interest wears and the socks come off as more dorky than sexy.

Oh my! It appears Pupa Pan himself has flown through your window while you were asleep. How exciting! Surely he is here to take you away on the adventure of a lifetime. He is more dreamy and heroic than you ever imagined. But what's this?? It seems the legendary Boy-Skylark has misplaced his shadow. He is looking EVERYWHERE for it, to no avail. He is having a devil of a time, what with being paralyzed from the waist down and all. He clearly needs your help.

CHEL: Vriska is prompted to Help Pupa find shadow, and approaches Tavros with a nasty-looking grin on her face, while he lies on the floor, gritting his teeth in noticeable pain.

Pupa! You truly are a silly goose. Your shadow has been trapped underneath your useless torso the whole time! Honestly, where else would it be you stupid sack of shit?

Charming. Vriska proceeds to kick him in the head, or at least nudge him with her foot, while he lies unresponsive.

Of course, the secret to reuniting with your shadow is to get up and walk around. And play and dance and frolic! Your shadow will surely join in your gaiety. But it appears Pupa has lost the use of his legs. There will be no frolicking in this young man's future. ::::( Unless...

Everyone knows that just a pinch of SPECIAL STARDUST along with a happy thought will allow any boy to get up and walk again. Everyone knows this because it is in the classic tale, PUPA PAN. Young Pupa flies through the window of a fairy girl's respiteblock, falls on the floor, and has trouble getting up like an enormous pansy. The fairy girl then helps him walk again, and in return, he teaches her to fly, even though she probably already knows how to fly. Because she's a fairy. They fly out of her window together, and have magical adventures for many sweeps thereafter. To be honest, you hardly know a damn thing about Pupa Pan. But you do not care.

Pupa remains as pathetic and useless as ever.

FAILURE ARTIST: The story just keeps mocking Tavros for being disabled.

CHEL: Not to mention for being interested in fairies. Because how dare a boy have a gender-nonstandard interest, or a young teenager enjoy whimsical escapism from an increasingly horrible and guaranteed-to-be-short life.

WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 39

I might be projecting because the fandom has made me loathe her, but it honestly comes off like Vriska dressed up like this in the first place less to seduce Tavros and more to make sure she thoroughly ruined his favourite thing to hurt him further, especially if the narration is supposed to be things she’s actually saying to him.

The stardust did nothing! Probably because it is just glittery powder with no magical properties whatsoever and is basically bullshit. Because in case it wasn't clear, magic isn't real, and neither are miracles. OR It could just be that Pupa has failed to have a happy thought! Your duty is clear. You will have to MAKE him have happy thoughts. Vriska: Make Pupa have happy thoughts.

He certainly doesn’t seem to be having happy thoughts now. Notice his expression, what we can see of it, looks terrified, he’s trembling, and let’s recall that he’s paralysed from the waist down. Even if he wasn’t, she’s of a far, far higher caste than him, legally permitted to do whatever she wants to him, including killing him if he tries to resist. It’s kind of gone back and forth on, but higher bloods are a few times stated to be a lot stronger than lower bloods, and if they work like humans, they’re in puberty right now, a time at which human girls tend to get taller and stronger sooner than boys. Again, it’s gone back and forth on, but a common interpretation is that female trolls are stronger than male trolls in general and/or have the social power advantage. Let’s also remember that, even if none of those factors apply, Vriska has mind control powers. There is no point here at which Tavros has the advantage, nothing he can use as leverage on her. She can do whatever the hell she wants, and she does.

BRIGHT: We’ve also been explicitly shown that Vriska has little to no respect for anyone else’s autonomy if she finds it inconvenient, and that Tavros is her favourite punching bag, and that his ability to stand up for himself when she gets going is extremely limited.

CHEL: Despite the odds stacked against him, Tavros struggles against the kiss forced on him, and when Vriska pushes him back, doesn’t respond with anything but a look of horror, though she appears to expect him to, as a flickering heart-spade with a question mark over it appears between them. I’m not sure whether that’s supposed to be the thought process of him or her or both.

Vriska hurls him onto the floor with some force...

… and activates her mind control, causing little hearts to light up in Tavros’ eyes.

BRIGHT: Vriska has used her mind-control powers on Tavros before, and when it happened she walked him off a cliff. There is basically no way that her doing it again isn’t going to be a traumatic experience for him, above and beyond the inherent horror of losing control over one’s body.

I’m inclined to think that forcibly altering his emotions is worse, though. Being paralysed was bad enough, but Tavros knows what happened and he knows how he feels about it. Making him fall in love with her is just…on one level, it’s a horrible assault on his autonomy as a person, and on another level, it’s tailor-made to make him doubt himself and believe the encounter was something he wanted.

FAILURE ARTIST: I hadn’t thought that he might now consider the encounter as consensual, which would explain his later reaction.

CHEL: Tavros paws at her legs, making kissy faces, and she looks vaguely concerned. Note the background still depicts wavy blue rays coming off her, showing her power is still active.

Looking defeated, she drops the control and dumps him on the floor again.

I’m not sure what she’s supposed to be thinking in this last panel. Is she feeling guilty? Is she disappointed that he didn’t like her under his own power? Has she just decided he’s too useless to be worth the effort? Any could be true.

BRIGHT: I read that as disappointment that even when he ‘liked’ her, he didn’t act the way she wanted. (And the way Tavros acted is kind of disturbing. ‘Mindlessly pawing at someone’ is not what I’d expect from him if he was legitimately attracted to someone.)

FAILURE ARTIST: The common interpretation these days was she was realizing she wasn’t into boys which okay that’s good for her but she should feel more bad about molesting him.

CHEL: That also makes no sense, because she shows interest in multiple boys later.

I’m also not entirely sure if Vriska had the intention of actually raping Tavros here (in the standard way, I mean, as one could argue that mind control is a form of rape), or just making out with him. The fact that she dressed up in vaguely fetishy clothing isn’t making it look good, though. Yes, she’s very young, but traumatised kids in particular have been known to lash out sexually like that. It’s a way of reasserting personal power, and I imagine it would be more prevalent in a society with no sapient adult supervision. While there are mitigating circumstances involved in their social situation and Vriska not really having ever had a chance to learn better, that doesn’t make this not a horrible thing to do, or not traumatising for Tavros.

BRIGHT: The clothing could potentially be down to Vriska wanting to look ‘adult’ without fully understanding why it looks adult. That does come up sometimes with teens — they want to experiment with clothing because that’s how adults dress, not because they want to look sexy, or they might dress a certain way for dates because that’s the social model they have for How Dates Work.

And if I read it like that, this basically looks like Vriska having the date equivalent of a dolls’ tea party. Which says volumes about how she views Tavros’s autonomy.

CHEL: Good point. Though honestly it would say volumes about same either way!

BRIGHT: I said earlier that Vriska is better than Equius at recognising when other people’s desires conflict with hers, and she is, but that doesn’t mean she respects those differences. She just recognises that they’re there, and overrides them. This is a prime example of Vriska viewing Tavros as something between a chew-toy and a prop. First she kicks him around and terrifies him, then she expects him to be able to get over those emotions at the drop of a hat and respond to her advances — and, moreover, she wants him to respond in a certain way, which Tavros has zero way of knowing. This is the first time she’s shown that sort of interest in him, unless her earlier behaviour was the Alternian equivalent of pigtail-pulling.

...I think maybe that was in fact Alternian pigtail-pulling. Or at least Vriska’s version of pigtail-pulling.

CHEL: That’ll actually make more sense, once we explain what the spade symbol means.

Okay, how many counts does this cover?

ALL THE LUCK: 12 ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 31 CALL CPA PLEASE: 26 CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 55 IN HATE WITH MY CREATION: 13

It also occurred to me during this sequence to think again about how Karkat contemptuously swears at and hangs up the phone on the injured Tavros. This, at first glance, seems to be very much at odds with the “cranky but caring” impression we’re supposed to have of Karkat… but it fits precisely with Hussie’s opinion of Tavros and how pathetic he is for allowing a much more powerful person to permanently disable him. I know at the moment it looks like I’m not separating the character from the author, but it’ll become clear as we go that that is what he thinks.

IN HATE WITH MY CREATION: 14

Why didn’t we start a FUCK YOU, HUSSIE count?

BRIGHT: It would have ended up longer than all the other counts combined.

CHEL: The actual assault is over now, but there’s one more picture of it. The ramifications must continue to be discussed, so tread cautiously. The actual act is over now, though.

Said ramifications come pretty quickly. Kanaya, having dealt with getting herself into the game and prototyped her own lususprite, decides to check on Vriska.

Ideally she has not gotten herself into too much trouble. And ideally the dramatic irony has not gotten so thick you could draw a dotted line on it with a tube of lipstick and cut it in half with a chainsaw.

Of course, she sees the exact moment Vriska kisses Tavros.

(Fanart source has now been deleted, sadly.)

~*THE ASSAULT ENDS HERE*~

Humorous art aside over, let’s watch Kanaya’s reaction in more detail. She angrily looks at a copy of the Tinkerbell dress, which she presumably sent the alchemiter code for rather than the actual item to Vriska, hence why she still has it.

So THAT'S why she had you make this dress for her??? And you just went along with it like a sucker. Argh, you are such an IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Like Karkat, Kanaya is presented as the caring one, the protective one. The “mom friend” of the group. And yet, she looks at this, in which Tavros is clearly frightened and struggling, and her reaction is to be mad that Vriska didn’t want to wear the dress for a date with her. I’m not sure whether this says more about Hussie’s opinion of Tavros or the social system of Alternia or both, but it certainly says a lot.

CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 56 HURRY UP AND DO NOTHING: 13 IN HATE WITH MY CREATION: 15

BRIGHT: Kanaya has had to corral Vriska on Tavros’s behalf already! Possibly more than once! She has all the information to realise that this is abusive, even leaving aside Tavros’s reaction! Sure, teens can be self-centred, but even so this is egregious.

CHEL: Kanaya’s Grubsprite comforts her and she throws the dress out the window.

Being a kid and growing up. It's hard and nobody understands.

Yes, I’m sure Tavros thinks so too.

Charles: "I know Sir can be prickly, but you have to understand he had a very terrible childhood."

Klaus: "I understand. I'm having a very terrible childhood right now."

-A Series of Unfortunate Events

[turnaboutimagines]

Hi! Can I get an imagine for either Miles Edgeworth or Phoenix Wright with an S/O that has the Hanahaki Disease and they are trying to confess their love to them but each day is becoming painful and you can decide how it ends! If that is ok?

Content Warning: This is ANGST, pals.  Major canon character death in the first one.  Reader death in both.  Not a pleasant way to go either, for that matter.  I tried to prevent this from being too graphic, but there is some.  Please read with care if any of that may be sensitive for you.  💚  I wrote for both of them because I personally really enjoy this trope for angst.For those who may not be familiar with it, Hanahaki Disease is a trope where one’s unrequited love manifests itself as coughing up flower petals and progressively worsens until it’s fatal—unless the love ends up being reciprocated!  In which case it’s cured.  (Spoiler alert: that’s not the case here.)

Miles Edgeworth.

It started after the two of you started growing close, when the ice around his heart finally began to thaw.  You saw a side of him that was… endearing and sweet.  A side of him that you’d wanted to see more of because it always made your heart flutter in your chest.

You’d just left his office with a stupid smile on your face when a coughing fit overtook you.  A rose petal.  Stark white against your palm.  It shape and color reminded you of the cravat he often wore.  The thought pooled like lead in your stomach, knowing that it was precisely thoughts like that which led you there.

“I must admit that romantic entanglements seem like a waste of time to me.  I don’t see the appeal…”

He’d said that to you a couple of weeks ago over some tea and you’d agreed in spite of yourself.  Hearing it had stung for a reason you didn’t quite understand then and you hadn’t been able to place it at the time, but that insidious little petal made it all far too clear as to why.

Those words continued to coil around your heart like the thorned stems of roses, digging in each time you tried to confess over the ensuing months.  And with each time you failed, the harder it became to breathe as more rose petals—both red and white—began to erupt from your lungs with greater frequency.  Because the love you held for him never wilted, it only grew more vivid.

You’d coughed up a full rose head that morning—white and stained with your blood that you knew your time was almost up.  So, you might as well tell him and you come up with an excuse to head up to his office in order to do just that.

But the words die in your throat once again because as you looked at him… you realize just how fragile he suddenly seems.  The look in his eyes mirrored your own, pained and exhausted and with it, your resolve turned to ash on your tongue.  It was selfish, wasn’t it?  To burden him with it when you were already on death’s door. 

He didn’t love you, but he didn’t deserve that kind of guilt weighing down on his shoulders.  You just wanted him to be happy… he deserved it after all he’s been through.

Miles waited a few moments, giving you a chance to speak up before he leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest, a spark of hope in his eyes?  At least, you thought that was what it was, you’d seen that look before whenever you were about to make a spectacularly stupid move while playing chess with him.  It was charming.

“You said that there was something you needed to tell me, yes?”

It took you a moment to swallow the petals that began to unfurl in your throat.  Thankfully they were small enough that it wasn’t too painful… or maybe you were just getting too used to the discomfort.

“Right.  I…just… wanted to say thank you.”

The furrow between his brows deepened, confused but that little glimmer was still in his gaze.  “For what, precisely?”

You wanted to tell him, then.  That look on his face made you want to… but you couldn’t, the petals rising in your throat like aromatic bile.

“For being such a good friend to me lately,” you said, trying to sound like you meant it.  That you didn’t want more than that with him.  “And I was hoping that maybe I could treat you to some dinner tonight, if work allows?”

At the word ‘friend’ he looked away, always shy around your sentimentality.  “Ah, yes…I believe I’d like that very much, my friend.”

There was a sorrow to it that you didn’t expect.  One that you didn’t question, because you knew he likely just had something troubling on his mind, perhaps there was a memory on his mind.  Your hand flexed at your side, wanting to comfort him.  But perhaps he’d tell you about it tonight?  It was always better when he came to you with things, but in the meantime… you could at least take his mind off of it for a final time.

“Great!  The usual time and place, then?”

He let out a small sigh and looked at you with a ghost of a fond smile on his face.  “Yes, that will work just fine.”

But the light was gone, cold resignation in its place.  You really hoped he’d talk with you about it.

Neither of you seemed to know what to say next, but you don’t have to.  He leaned forward with his shoulders hunched up, expression contorted with pain pain as he seemed to battle against something.

“E-Edgeworth!?”  You lurch forward with a hand reached out to him, wanting to help—

He held a hand up to tell you to not come any closer, keeping his eyes focused on his desk—face away from yours as he tried to recompose himself.  You didn’t want to, but you stopped.

“I’m sorry… it’s a migraine.” Miles’s voice came out strained, painful to listen to because you could hear how much agony he was in.  “But could you please leave?  I… need the quiet.”

“Of course…”

He’d been having more of them lately, likely just a side effect from his work.  But you couldn’t say that you’d been upset about it, because it gave you a proper excuse to leave the office and go have a coughing fit in the bathroom.

You just hoped that he’d forgive you for what was likely one last act of selfishness… just one more evening together.  That’s all you could ask for.

It was a lovely, bittersweet evening, you couldn’t have asked for a better night… even if you had to come up with some ridiculous excuses to get away to the bathroom to shield him from the ugly truth of the matter.  You caught him staring at you more than once, as if he was tempted to say something about whatever was on his mind but ultimately never did.

Perhaps it was for the best, it wasn’t like you could really do anything about it aside from offer him a sympathetic ear…

And the following morning, you rushed to the toilet like usual, nauseous and choking as the flowers began to block your airways.  But unlike usual, too many were blooming too quickly and you crumpled to your knees before you could even make it halfway across your bedroom.

Too much…  It was too much…  You loved him too much…!

…

Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth is found dead the same morning, lily roots tangled in his lungs—having choked on the slender petals like the words he never said.

Phoenix Wright.

It was hard not to fall in love with Phoenix, although you resisted it for as long as you possibly could.  He was witty and sharp, yet simultaneously incredibly unlucky and silly at times.  There was never a boring moment with him and… you always felt cared for in his presence.  He made you feel like how the sunshine feels against your skin a beautiful summer’s day.

But you didn’t inspire such feelings in him, did you?  He looked at you like he looked at all his other friends—not like the way you looked at him.

The yellow petal that came from your throat confirmed as much to you: a brilliant representation of your darkest thoughts.  And you knew then that you were going to take these feelings to your early grave.

Yet you remained by his side far later into your illness than you should have, unable to stay away from him in the past.  You knew it’d only make it all hurt more… and so you started to force yourself to pull away from him.

“Distance makes the heart grow fonder.”  A famous adage and one you didn’t know the truth of until.  As much as you tried to stop thinking of him, the long yellow petals that forced themselves up your throat were a constant reminder of the man you were trying so hard to forget.  Even as they started coming out in clumps with drops of blood splattered across them, the thoughts of him were still sweet and comforting through your agony.

You missed his jokes, the ones that always made you feel better when you were feeling down, but you missed his smile most of all.  And with those memories, came more petals.  It was a vicious cycle.

However, you didn’t account for how perceptive Nick could be, especially when it came to his friends.  Which you just so happened to be, still.

Friends.

That’s all you were and yet, you found yourself seated on the sofa as soft sunlight filtered through the blinds.  You knew that going there was likely a mistake, but you’d taken great care to make yourself look presentable and not on the verge of death.

One last visit… just to say goodbye.

“So, what’s going on?”  He asked you as he sat down beside you on the couch in his office.  Maya wasn’t there, just the two of you.  “I’ve been worried about you.”

“Nothing…?”  You shifted awkwardly on the sofa, refusing to meet his eyes as you shrugged.  “It’s nothing major, anyways.  I’ve just… been busy.“

Even as you said it, you could feel how unconvincing it sounded, something that would not be lost on your lawyer friend.

“Aha, so you are hiding something from me!”  His finger was in your face, a force of habit, one that you’d always found quite endearing.

You started at that, giving him as severe of a look as you could muster,  “Y-You were just bluffing?!”

“I mean,” he started with an abashed grin, rubbing the back of his neck in that way you adored.  “Not entirely?  You’ve been avoiding me as of late, so I just kinda figured… that something’s been going on.”

You couldn’t argue with that.

“So, what’s going on?”

“…”

“…You know you can come to me for anything, right?” he asked as the very same hand came to rest on your shoulder.

“I know I can but… it really is nothing, Phoenix.  Just been too busy with work, you know?  It happens sometimes.  Don’t worry about it.”

A bluff.  Something you’d learned to do by observing him, but maybe that’s why his eyes narrowed.  Or maybe he’d just done this song and dance before.

“I don’t believe that.  You wouldn’t just avoid me for no reason.”

The tension is unbearable because you knew that he’s doing this because he cares.  It’s why you felt this way toward him to begin with.

“Phoenix… I’m fine, really!”  You let out a laugh at that, more nervous than you liked as you stood up.  “Why do you insist on this?  I haven’t done anything but ignore you, that doesn’t exactly warrant this type of interrogation.”

“Because I just—I know that something’s wrong and I want to help.”  He stood up then, frowning.  “I want to help you.  Please.”

It must’ve been a gut instinct thing, then.  Damn his intuition… 

“You can’t save everybody, Wright.”  His last name came out more spite than intended, but it wasn’t directed at him.  “Maybe I’ve backed off because I want to help you?  Did you ever think of that?”

“Why would I?  You’re my friend!  Of course I want to spend time with you and help you, there isn’t a situation where I wouldn’t…”

You’ve said too much already.  You couldn’t answer his question, although knowing him… he’d figure things out after you’d leave.  He was always smart like that.  So, you turned on your heel and left.  Or tried to, at least.

He called out your name, but you kept heading toward the door.  It wasn’t until he grabbed your wrist, voice stormy with exasperation and dripping with concern.  “Please, stop being so stubborn and just talk with me.  You’re worrying me.”

You didn’t look behind you.  You couldn’t.  The feeling of his fingers clinging desperately your wrist was enough to bring tears to your eyes.  He cared so much about you, but not in the way that you needed him to.

It was hard to breathe for a moment, choking on the petals rising in your throat before you managed to swallow them back down to borrow some more time.  Just enough…

“I…I’m sorry, but I can’t.  There’s really nothing you can do and talking won’t help.”  You yanked your hand from his wrist before grabbing the handle of the door and pushing it open. “Thank you for everything.”

“What is that supposed to—”

You slammed the door shut behind you and ran as far as you could before hacking up the petals and seeds from your lungs.  It was hurting too much, your throat felt raw and breathing was getting harder and harder, ears ringing with the tinny sound of your cellphone’s ringtone.  You needed to get home.

Everything was a blur by the time you got back, something large was obstructing your airway, moving up through it.  You’d barely made it through the door before you fell to your knees, unable to breathe through all the pain. And your phone kept ringing and ringing and ringing—

…

Phoenix Wright started carrying his badge in his pocket after that incident, unable to look at the symbolic sunflower without thinking of you and remembering his failure.

Why had he been so blind…?

[welllpthisishappening]

Aye, But We're Loved by Our Mommies and Dads

Hello, hi, hey there internet. So, this is weird timing with the ask I got earlier today, but I’ve been hoarding a different ask from @ glowofthevendingmachine that said: “every time will scarlet calls emma swan ‘em’ in all was golden in the sky my heart grows about 49 sizes.” And, like, same. My love for Will Scarlet knows no bounds, no matter what ‘verse I am writing in and it’s been nearly a year since I’ve written any All Was Golden in the Sky so here’s some.

In which we have: snarky!Will, magical!Emma, pirate-mode-activated!Killian. Banter! Friendship! Allusions to cute kids! Who steal things. Or. Will Scarlet teaches Emma and Killian’s kid to be a thief.

-----

“Make him stop looking at me like that.”

Emma can’t help her laugh, even through tight lips, a smile that tugs at the corner of her mouth and betrays her feelings about everything that has happened in the last sixteen minutes. Because everything that has happened in the last sixteen minutes is somewhere in the realm of absurd and not entirely surprising. 

Will’s eyes keep darting around the room, arms crossed over his chest until Emma is a little concerned that he’s actually going to crack one of his ribs and—

Killian hasn’t moved. 

Or blinked. 

His fingers keep fluttering over the hilt of his sword. 

“Ok, now that’s just unnecessary,” Will grumbles, slumping further in the chair. 

Emma laughs again. 

She needs to come up with a better word than absurd. 

“Seriously, Em,” Will continues, “can you not do something about this? I thought you were the Savior. Save me.”

“What would you like me to do exactly, Scarlet?”

“Look at the face thing he is doing! Right now! He’s trying to intimidate me.”

“I’m pretty positive it’s working. Are you starting to sweat a little?”

“This is not funny.”

“Isn’t it, though?”

“No,” both Will and Killian respond, and Emma has to actually put her hand over her mouth. Her chest aches while she tries to contain her laugh, lungs burning with almost too much oxygen, which is a nice change of pace from previous experience and—

“We did get your boot back, babe,” she reasons. 

Killian doesn’t look away from Will. Who pales noticeably. “That’s not the point, Swan.”

“Isn’t it, though?” Will echoes, and all the oxygen files out of Emma. In a rather large and dramatic sigh. 

“You really are not helping your own cause at all,” she mutters. “And strictly speaking, the point of this might actually be at the end of Killian’s sword.”

“You’re making jokes.”

“Because you are both being idiots.”

Will huffs, Killian finally turning his attention to Emma — so he can immediately gape at her, as if suggesting this isn’t the most serious thing they’ve ever dealt with is the peak of betrayal. The muscles in her face are going to freeze. 

She bites down on her finger. 

“He’s the one who did it, anything that happens is Scarlet’s fault,” Killian says, waving the hand still not gripping his sword in the air. Of course, that leaves him brandishing his hook at Will instead, which also leaves Will even paler and—

Emma pulls Killian’s arm down, fingers curling around cool metal until some of the fight almost visibly falls out of him. 

Will exhales. 

“Still not helping,” she sneers. 

“Ok, ok, ok,” Will says quickly, scrambling back up with both of his hands held in mock surrender. “Let’s not send me to the brig or anything.”

Emma’s head falls to Killian’s chest, nearly tripping over her feet when he tugs her closer to his side, like the closeness will help him remember that they shouldn’t actually send Will to the brig. 

For teaching their son how to steal things. Multiple things. Everything from earrings that had been on her dresser to a small stack of papers from DunBroch on Killian’s desk to, this morning, his left boot. 

That’s the problem. 

Or so Killian claims. Emma doesn’t really…get it. 

They got everything back. 

And yet. Here they are. With the fluttering fingers and an exceptionally sweaty Will Scarlet and—

“You’d have to be on a ship for that,” Killian says, soft enough to be entirely threatening. Emma jerks her head up. He’s totally doing the face thing again. 

Will swallows. “Yuh huh.”

“It’s a dungeon when you’re in a castle. That’s basic knowledge. Read a book.”

“Ah, well—not all of us grew up staging a covert relationship with a magical princess, so…”

“Do you not have any sense of self preservation?”

“I didn’t think I needed it with you, honestly.”

Killian deflates slightly, even as the arm around Emma’s waist tightens a fraction of an inch. She presses her lips together again, gaze darting between Will’s still lifted hands and Killian’s clenched jaw, doing her best to make sure the magic she can feel curling at the base of her spine doesn’t manifest itself into protection. 

She’s only seventy-two percent positive Killian will actually draw his sword. 

She admittedly needs to get better at math. 

“Hey, uh, Em,” Will mumbles, “your…well—your hair is doing that thing again.”

Emma hums in confusion, which is not only dumb, it’s pointless because she knows exactly what he means and why it’s happening and it hasn’t happened in years. She’s usually in much better control. 

“Oh shit,” Emma growls. She pulls herself out of Killian’s grasp, shaking her hair onto her back like that will fix everything and not send lines of light across the entire room or—“What is that?”

Will twists, glancing in the direction of Emma’s pointed finger, and Killian absolutely kisses the top of her hair before he moves. The light jumps. 

And lands directly on the small pile of loot in the corner of the room. 

Emma doesn’t even try to mask her gasp. 

“Is that—“ she starts, but Killian is already nodding and it was a dumb question anyway. It’s not just toffee. At first glance, it appears to be every single sweet made in the entire kingdom, chocolate bars and bags of something that smells almost like lemon and the last thing Emma expects is for Killian to throw his whole head back. 

And laugh. 

Rather uproariously. 

Will’s eyes have gone very wide. 

“Is he—is he still going to stab me, do you think?” Emma only needs four steps to walk forward, lift her right foot and kick Will soundly in his left ankle. “Shit,” he hisses, “you are a violent bunch, aren’t you? A match made in heaven or the Underworld or whatever.”

“Killian, give me your sword.”

“Aw, c’mon, that’s—“

“I thought we weren’t making jokes?” Emma snaps, and it’s been years, so her threat is only a little empty, but Killian is still laughing and she genuinely did not understand why he was upset in the first place. 

So. Maybe she’s the absurd one. 

Will shrugs, a lopsided smile and tilt of his head, leaning forward to flick his finger against Killian’s side. “Hey, you know you sound like a crazy person, right now, right Captain? I wasn’t trying to offend or anything. Or, uh—you know, step on your piratical toes.”

The laugh stops. Rather abruptly. 

And Killian doesn’t spin, so much as he moves in slow motion — Emma’s teeth digging into either one of her lips and her breath catching noticeably in her throat and—

“That probably would have hurt when I only had one boot,” Killian drawls. 

“You got it back.”

“Right.”

“Do you not have more than one pair of boots? How is that possible? Are you not a royal pirate?”

He tosses a bag of candy at Will. 

Who catches it. 

“Oh my God,” Emma exclaims. “What the fuck is going on right now? Seriously!”

Killian grimaces, the toe of his recently-reacquired boot twisting under him when he suddenly appears particularly interested in the floor. Will’s grin stretches. 

It takes her twenty-four seconds to understand. 

Give or take. 

“Is that,” Emma groans, the tips of Killian’s ears going noticeably pink, “are you kidding me?”

“You’ll have to be more specific, love.”

“Did you want to teach our kid how to steal things? Is that honestly what you were mad about?”

“Well, when you say it like that…”

Her jaw drops quickly enough that something cracks as well, more dramatically exhaled oxygen and wide eyes that are starting to water. From surprise. And emotion. Possibly a little magic. 

She can’t believe their kid stole toffee. 

The more things change, or whatever. 

“It wasn’t so much that I didn’t get to teach him how to pick-pocket,” Killian reasons. “Just that—”

Will shakes his head. “This was not pick-pocketing. We’re not using that term. That requires some finesse and let me tell you, your kid does not have that yet. This was just generic looting.’

“Nah, looting is bigger. Also, that’s another thing that’s really better suited for ships.”

“Should you be writing down the rules, do you think?”

Emma stomps her foot — and neither one of the men in front of her jump to attention, technically, but it’s pretty damned close. She’ll make sure to remind them of that eventually. “Ok,” she says, “so if it wasn’t being upset about the petty theft, then…what was it?”

Killian’s fingers find the back of his neck, tugging lightly on the hair there. It’s almost enough to distract Emma from the general color palate of his ears. 

“Babe…”

He squeezes one eye shut before he answers. Will does a piss-poor job of not laughing. 

Although slightly better than Emma does of not being impossibly endeared by the whole goddamn thing. 

“He shouldn’t be stealing things,” Killian explains. “Not really. I mean—he lives in a castle and he’s got everything he could want, right?”

“Are you double checking with me?”

“Of course not. I mean—no. That’s—“

“Absurd?” Emma suggests. 

“A little. But—God, fuck you, Scarlet. This is seriously your fault. Because first I was disappointed that he was doing it and then I was even more upset that he could do it and…” 

It’s Will’s turn to flush, an inhaled hissed in between his teeth because he understands as well as Emma. Captain Killian Jones, royal consort, former Dark One, True Love, part of the goddamn prophecy that saved them all does not want his kid to be anything except good. 

As if he could. 

With Killian Jones as his father. 

“Oh, well, now I feel like a dick,” Will mumbles. “I wasn’t trying to fuel the circle of self-loathing.”

“And are we equating pretty talented at petty theft to being bad?” Emma adds. 

“Phrase that better, Em.”

She shakes her head brusquely, a step back into Killian’s space and fingers curling around his jacket lapels. So she can tug lightly. “At least we know he’s good at something, huh?”

“Jeez.”

“Swan,” Killian chides, but she just tilts her head up and pushes up on her toes and the scruff on his jaw scratches at her mouth when she presses a kiss there. She can feel him exhale. “It’s not exactly the talent I was hoping to pass down.”

“Well, I’m much better at it than you. so—“

“—Uh, excuse me,” Will cuts in, “but who got the kid to pick things straight out of your room?”

“Are we patting ourselves on the back for that?”

“At least not stabbing each other.”

“I was never going to stab you,” Killian says. “I just—if anyone’s going to teach the kid how to pirate, then it should be me. Right?”

“Sounds like you’re double checking again.”

“And I think you’re a much better pirate than Scarlett,” Emma adds, not bothering to move away from Killian’s cheek. It’s easier to feel his answering smile that way. 

“High praise,” he mumbles. 

“It is our kid.”

“Which is probably why he wanted to steal the candy,” Will points out, standing up in a huff of limbs and vaguely sarcastic expression. “Alright. No more thief 101 with the mini royal. He can learn at the feet of his one-booted father.”

“We got the boot back,” Emma says. 

Will hums, nose scrunched and brows pinched and Emma flicks her fingers before she can even think of all the reason’s it’s exceptionally petty to do just that. He stumbles back under the force of her magic, Killian’s laugh echoing off the walls again and maybe directly around Emma’s heart and she’s not all that surprised when he kisses her hair again. 

“Gross,” Will gags. “Do I need to sign a blood oath, or is my word that the kid and I will find some other bonding activity good enough?”

“Get out, Scarlet.”

He salutes. “Your Highness. Captain.”

And Emma barely waits until the door is closed behind him before she glances up at Killian, laughter and absurd practically hanging in the air because—

“You actually want to get the kid to steal something of Scarlet’s or you just want to do it ourselves?” she asks. 

“I thought you’d never ask.”

“That’s not an answer.”

“Eh, we’ll let him grow into piracy, shall we? Plus, we’re more well practiced.”

“You just want immediate revenge.” He nods, lower lip stuck out just enough that Emma can properly nip at it when she kisses him. “Pirate.”

“Indefinitely. C’mon, let’s go steal something.”