#it's complicated and I think educating people is a big part of that and that's exactly what Op is doing

[thedandelionresistance]

I think it's also worth mentioning that there is somewhat of a difference between personal and collective reclamation. Collective reclamation is about taking back language at a societal level, taking the teeth out of it so that it can't hurt any of its victims anymore. Collective reclamation involves individual reclamation, but as a concurrent collective effort.

Individual reclamation is about the personal choice of how to approach how a slur has hurt you, and will not have a significant societal impact usually. It can be individually empowering and a helpful reminder that the thing the word was used to insult is not bad. Slur reclamation has personally helped me a lot with my moral OCD about my personal identities, including the r slur and other ableist slurs, as well as undercut a lot of the shame I felt about my cognitive disabilities in a way that made the shame powerless.

Even then, I still avoid using the word around people who are uncomfortable with it as a personal choice, because it's not going to hurt me personally to adjust my speech to make them feel safe, while I can still reclaim it by myself and in groups comfortable with it to have those benefits to my mental health.

There's a lot of nuance to this, but OP you cut right to the heart of it without being reductive. The image is the foundation upon which all nuanced parts grow, and as someone who struggles a lot with communicating concisely, I just want to say I appreciate your ability to so succinctly summarize these ideas and communicate them so well to so many people.

Made a little something on slur reclamation.

[braintamer]

Subtle ways to serve the patriarchy in your daily life:

1. Be respectful

When talking to strange men, always refer to them as "sir" or as a "gentleman." This may seem outdated, but some people still talk like that. It shows your respect and harkens back to a time when men were in charge and women knew their place.

2. Be polite

Always say please and thank you, even if it doesn't seem necessary. For example, instead of saying, "Hey, do you know where the restroom is?" say, "Excuse me, sir, could you please show me where the restroom is?"

3. Be dependent

If you go out with a man, let him hold your phone. He'll decide what you need to see and who you need to communicate with. If he goes through your texts and photos, that's his right.

4. Be a doll

If you go out with a man, let him choose your outfit, how you do your makeup, and your hair. Don't leave until he is completely satisfied with your appearance.

5. Dress to impress

If you go out without a man, choose makeup and an outfit based entirely on what you think men find attractive. (Unfortunately, you will have to use your brain just a little bit for this one 😥) It doesn't matter if you like it, or if it's comfortable, men's taste is your taste.

6. Be helpless

If you think you might need help with something, ask a man. Even if you think you could probably do it on your own, remember that you can't. If you're lost, don't try to use Google maps. Ask a man for help. If there's something wrong with your car, don't even try to figure out what it is, take it to a mechanic, and say, "It makes a weird noise when I do this" and let him handle everything for you (ideally you wouldn't be driving at all)

7. Be approachable

If ANY man flirts with you or compliments you, be receptive. If a dirty homeless man says you have nice tit's, smile at him and say, "Thank you, sir." If a group of men are hollering at you, stick around, give them a spin so they can see and judge every part of your body, invite them to come over and grope you.

8. Be submisive

Never talk back to a man. If a man is rude to you, be grateful for the attention and ask him what you can do to make it right.

9. Be dumb

Don't use big words, in text or in speech. If you have an idea that you don't know how to express, it's probably too complicated for you. Only read when you have to. Never try to understand current events, occupy your mind with porn. If you really need more intellectual stimulation, you can watch something like celebrity gossip news.

10. Spead the word

Subtly try to teach other women their place, compliment them on their appearance, and nothing else. Discourage them from valuing things like their education and career. Encorage them to dress more slutty, if possible get them drunk and makeout with them for men to watch.

[hoshigray]

hey love can i request brothers bff cho and how he's just down bad for you 🤍🤍🤍

𝐚. 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: omg wait, i fucks with this baddd

⊹ 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬: Choso x fem! reader - explicit content; minors DNI - masturbation (m!) - oral (m! receiving) - tit/breast fucking (m! receiving) - cowgirl position - pet names (baby, darling, honey, sweetie) - unprotected sex (psa: wrap it up or get tf up) - implied that reader is big chested - Choso crushing on you hard, lmao - mention of drool/spit.

⊹ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1.4k

Choso knew better than to be attracted to you, the sibling of his best friend ever. 

Your brother and Choso have been buddies for a while, meeting during his part-time job at a burger joint as servers and finding out they have so much in common. Being older siblings, lovers of rock music, and relating to so much together, the two often hung out after work and became pretty good friends. Just two people vibing out in each others’ company, and there was nothing to make this relationship complicated!

“Hey, Choso, I’ve told you about my sister before, right?”

You greeted him with a smile. “It’s nice to meet you, Choso!”

Well, that is until you came and absolutely rocked Choso’s world. 

You were the younger sibling of two; a college senior comes home biweekly to take care of laundry and then drives back up for your education. By your gorgeous face and alluring figure, Choso was struck by your image from the first time his eyes ever laid on you. You were such a kind spirit, always so sweet to him and others surrounding you — you’d want to hang with the boys whenever you had the chance while you were visiting, which was hellish for the brown-haired man. 

You’d laugh along with the jokes, making Choso’s heart skip uncontrollably, and the way you’d lean to him when you’re sleepy watching a movie with them pushed the guy on the verge of shutting down. He could never get tired of how you’d say his name; it came out so dear from your lips as if he could be under your spell at any second. And it didn’t help that you’d walk around the house with shorts on, the lower fringes constantly threatening Choso on whether they’d creep up to see the mere crevice of your ass.

As said before, he knew better than siblings of best friends were off limits. However, you were becoming too much for him. It’s been half a year of seeing you, and there has never been a day or night where you haven’t popped up in his head one way or another, particularly when his mind would think of you in the most…lustful ways.

He throws his head back, reminiscing about you and your outfit from the pub. The way your breasts were tucked in nicely by the window of your bodycon dress, yet the cleavage was too tempting for his eyes not to notice. The dress sculpted your curves dangerously, Choso fighting the urge to put his hand on your hip to feel your clothed skin. And your lipgloss made your lips shine; every time you spoke to him was a test for him not to kiss you right there in front of your brother. It was so cruel how you looked so good for him!

He was spending the night at yours after a night out drinking with you and your brother, using the basement bedroom to sleep. Sleep evades him; however, he uses this space to deal with the erection he’s been dying to indulge in this entire night instead. His teeth pull the bottom of his shirt, dark jeans discarded to the floor, and his hand pumps his shaft that’s freed from his boxer briefs.

He grunts at the memory, teeth grinding while he strokes his long cock. Precum exuding from the urethra slides down to the base and wets his fingers. “Fuuck, Y/n,” your name is said in choked moans, the horny man fisting himself in a faster motion. Brown eyebrows are trenched, and his abdomen begins to flex. Shit, I’m so close, so cl—

“Choso?”

He never in his life froze still in an instant, and his heart goes to a complete stop, too. No way.

“Ca–…May I come in?”

No words are said from either side, so Choso’s heat immediately shifts to icy cold when he hears the door open, and your frame is all he sees. You’re still wearing the beautiful dress, yet your face is molded into an expression of utter anxiousness. Sweat goes down Choso’s forehead, oh fucking shit!

“I came down to see if you were okay and needed anything,” your eyes were downcast to the floor, chewing on your lips during this awkward situation. “But…I heard you say my name and…”

Oh, it was so over for him. All Choso could do was stare at you in dread, entirely shocked that you saw him masturbate at the thought of you! You were fidgeting with your dress, perplexed about how to handle this predicament, too. He was so done for; not only was he thinking of you, the sibling of his best friend, and using said thoughts of you, but now you are aware of how he pictures you in his fucked up head! Yup, he can never walk into this house again. “S–Sorry, Y/n! I’ll just go and—“

“Can I help?”

Again, his body goes rigid mid-stride of getting off the bed after pulling his underwear up. ….What?

“I mean, can I…help you with that?” You meekly walk into the room and close the door behind you. “I am the one who made you like this, so…I’m okay with it if you are…..”

Choso blinks, too alarmed to make any movements. “But, your brother…” You’re quiet for a few seconds before you spook him by taking steps in his direction. He gulps thickly when your figure crawls on the bed, too close for his brain to comprehend. You take his hand with your soft ones and bring his fingers to your lips to kiss, and his breath hitches when you suck and lick his digits. The boner stuffed in his briefs twitches at the sensation of your tongue running against the underside of his middle finger and sucking on it. 

You peer at him, “What about him?” That is what you say before lifting your dress to remove your panties. And just when Choso thought his life was about to be thrown in the gutter, you flipped the script on him again.

In his head, Choso knew he shouldn’t be doing this.

“Mmm…Mmahh! Oh, Choso, you taste so good…”

But in his heart, he couldn’t help but give in to this situation.

You were situated between his legs, ripped him off his briefs for you to suck on his glans freely. Your tinge dances around his cockhead to prompt more come to ooze out of his urethra, and your hand slides up and down to stroke his member. Choso whimpers under your touch, and shivers crawl up his spine as you lick from the base to the tip before sucking hard.

“Fuuck, Y/n,” he grips the sheets, barely containing his hips to buck to your lips. “Your mouth, it’s—Hssshh…!”

“Mmm?” You blink before releasing the tip with a sound. “What about my mouth, Choso baby?” Fuck, the nickname made the pink of his ears creep down to his nape. “You feel good?” He nods at your question, and you giggle before sucking one of his balls, resulting in a sharp gasp from the brown-haired man. “I’m so happy you are…”

Hallow cheeks take in his cock, busying your throat with his length that has you humming blissfully. You massage his waist as you bob your face up and down, and shaky breaths leave his lips while his legs jolt with every swish of your tongue.

“—Shhiiit, oh shit, hnnn,” he can’t do it, you were driving him crazy. “Y/n, you’re gonna make me…Mmmm”

You pick up on his cue, withdrawing your lips from him to maneuver and pull down the top of your dress. Caramel eyes widen at the sight of your breast spilling out, forgetting how to breathe when you bring them to wrap around his long dick. You move them around to please him, taking the tip back into your mouth to slurp his leaking essence that trickles down to your chest. 

“Mmaahh, go ahead, darling,” you place kisses on the tip, Choso looking at nothing but your mounds swallow him with every stroke. It takes mere seconds for his orgasm to sneak up on him, his jizz coming out to fall and trickle down in between the rifts of your tits. “There you go, let it out for me…” the way you looked at him with half-lidded eyes took his breath away, especially with the spit that connects your gloss-shining lips to his spit-and-come coated shaft. 

And when he’s finally inside you? He’s too far gone to even think of being away from you.

“Ohhh, hoooh!! Chosooo, y’u feel soo good!”

Your dress was cast-off entirely, your nude body bouching up and down on Choso, his cock bullying the inside of your cunt. It’s been a solid fifteen minutes shared between the two of you exploring each other’s bodies, and sweaty skin exchanges heat from the constant motions. And come from rounds prior spill from your chasm as you ride on Choso’s dick with a rhythm.

He has his hands on your hips now, using you to keep him steady before he gets too lost in the feeling. Not that it hasn’t happened already; the man moans with every clamp of your walls around him, tightening around him with every graze of your g-spot. You wail for him up top, and your aroused sounds have to be the cutest things he’s ever heard. And the way your tits jump every time you plummet down to the base of him, it’s an image that will haunt him for the rest of his days.

“Tahhh, ughh, Jesus Christ…” He’s too sensitive right now; he just came not too long ago and is now being chased down for another one. “Y/n, sweetie, too fast, slow d—Ahh…!”

You hear him and titter, “Yeah? Want me to slow down, huh…” You bring your hips up excruciatingly slow, listening intently to the shaky sobs from the brunette as you get to the very top. And then you smack yourself down with haste, sharing a yelp at the rushed sensation. You do it again, “Think you’re about to cum again, huh, honey?”

His hands now come to your ass to grope with the flesh, and you twitch around his girth at the hunger. “Yeahhh…”

“You gonna be good and cum for me again, right?” Another snap of your ass crashing down on him. 

“Yess, baby,” he throws his head back to the pillows, his head pounding so hard it could kill him. You can feel him pulsating within your slit. “Almost there…Ohh–ooo..!”

You bite your lip, relishing at the sight of him being desperate for release. You lean forward to him, your breasts meshing with his chest as you snake a hand around the back of his head. You place your lips on his, and he doesn’t hesitate to reciprocate.

The kiss gets hotter when you dial up the speed, tongues swirling and exchanging spit as the friction becomes a lot more pleasurable than before. Choso’s ears ring the deeper you bring him in to kiss, humming on his tongue as you suck on it with harsh rocks on his length from scraping places you couldn’t reach. He’s so fucking addicted to you; his composure long deteriorated the moment he first put his cock inside you.

Choso bucks himself to you in sync, his climax coming in just a few ruts. He howls into you, and you wail along as your hips don’t rest until you’re hit with a crescendo of your own. Contracting your vaginal walls milks him, exerting his load into you again to spill and flow down your sticky frames. 

You two heave and pant in each other’s mouth before the kiss is broken, and the string of saliva is evidence of you being one with the other. Although the both of you are dazed, you smile at him before kissing his nose. “Glad I helped you out, huh?” He chuckles weakly as you lay kisses on his chin.

KNOCK!! KNOCK!!

And just like that, the two of you are frozen yet again. Wait…

Too late, the bedroom door busts open with a bang, and in comes your brother!

“Yooo, Choso, my guy—hic,” your brother stumbles inside the room, still a bit loopy and drunk. “Wanna go up and hit a quick blunt with— ah…”

The heat shared between you and the man below you switched to silent torture, awkwardness suffocating the three figures staring at each other. And this is the exact reason why Choso should’ve known better than to mingle around with you…

© 𝐇𝐨𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐲2024 – reblogs and comments are appreciated wholeheartedly ☆ header edit done by me + dividers by @/benkeibear.

[ohwolfling]

Wolfling's Galeposting Masterpost

Some folks expressed interest in me organizing my Gale meta/headcanons/spirals/menty bs/etc and so here it is. I'll try to update it periodically & at the end I'll leave the tags I tend to use for Gale. Note that my ask is open & my AO3 is here. You can also find me on TikTok, Twitch, and Ko-fi. Post established 14 Nov 2023. Broken links fixed 15 Jan 2024.

Feb 2024 Update in Progress. Mystra related meta now purple for easier time to following that thread.

Big Meta

Gale, Mystra, & Abuse as Mentorship - an examination of Gale's connection to the Weave and the inherent lack of agency he experiences via his education, with Elminster, and of course Mystra (casual information/timeline chat about those two)

Failure to see Gale/Mystra as abusive & how we identify abuse - references the above & a piece on Shadowheart, as well as a talk on ACEs & how we're socialized to qualify abuse

Mystra + Systemic Abuse + Real World Parallels

Elminster the Enabler - a reply to a reply of the first meta, clarifying Elminster's role in indoctrination, religious trauma, & grooming

The Gale of Waterdeep Deserves A Bl*w J** Meta - Gale the Man vs the Wizard of Waterdeep, S*x as Characterization, defining Gale's relationship to intimacy and control

Tav's "I Want You to Kiss Me" & Gale's Soft Laugh - a summary of Gale's inclination to service, anticipating needs, and people pleasing & how the dialogue choices present Tav as a good change

Unpacking Act I Weave Scene - romance & Mystra's resonance

Honeypotting Gale's Musical Theme - analysis of the piece of music for Gale's intro, pulling other music that builds similarly to imagine finished themes and motifs, and a comparison to the musical language and narrative build of Battlestar Galactica's Gaius Baltar, via Bear McCreary's four years of music for the character

Mystra, the Weave, and complicity - honeypotting & Mystra lore re: how much power she does or doesn't have in the Orb sitch

Gale and the Drow Twins - insecurity, monogamy, and how the narrative leaves room for both healing through monogamy OR a healing that opens up s*xually

Accidental meta, replies, thinky thoughts, & more organized beneath the cut!

Meanders, Responses, Lesser Meta

the issue of "Counter Meta" - a bit of a PSA on internalized or latent victim blaming, particularly that I've seen growing for Gale and Astarion

Gale's Folly - what motivates his power/ambition, let's cry about it

Introductory thoughts on Mystra as Abuser

Gale and Yenna - some parallels, a nowhere-near-enough examination of Gale's relationship to children

Gale as Curator & Creative - thoughts on what drives Gale

Sleepover Talk - Why Gale's Folly lowkey makes him very sexy

Recognizing this glimmer to be magical in nature - What did Gale think the "glimmer" was? Some thinky thoughts.

Fanon Gale & Elminster interpretations

Fanon whitewashing of Mystra

Gale's Seeing the Crown of Karsus - aaaaah aaaaah aaaaaaaaaah

Is Gale's Seed Necrotic - listen...

Smaller replies/add ons

Gale's Duality - a wizard in the streets, but a freak in the bed, and WHY that hits us hard

Thoughts on Tav, Tara, Morena, & clashes in Waterdeep

"Not the kind of excitement I usually enjoy being woken up for" - a pretty indulgent discussion of Gale's preferred ways of being woken up

Gale the Camp Cook - how trauma and neurodivergence might influence Gale's command of the cooking and his own relationship to food and hunger

Gale's Focus - what is this wizards focus and how can I make it ouch?

Greek Coded Gale - others brought vibes and lore, I brought George Michael. I'm the least cool part of this discussion but yes.

Possible Roles of Archmages/ArchWizards, from loose DnD guidelines

Reactions, Live Blogging, That Kinda Thing

Do You Need to Kneel For This? - the Gale's Folly reveal

Gale & the Ghost of Video Game Male Wife Past - i cried

Trying NOT to romance Gale

Moody, Sad, & Pathetic - but also : my wife?

Becoming A Gale Girlie at 100 MPH

The Elminster Scene, live reaction/discussion

(to be expanded)

Galegate (THAT Larian interview)

Initial response/context of "annoying"

Gale as Red Herring (+ media literacy)

Gale as Comic Relief (in structure + as coping mechanism)

The Orb Choice as "good" storytelling explained + qualified (Tav's role, Astarion foil, & where death makes sense)

The line between story criticism + personal triggers re: Gale

Gale & Childhood/Children

(to be expanded)

Playlists, Songs, etc

Modern AU Playlist for Maudlin Wizard Sensuality - someone asked what was on Gale's s*x playlist & I establish that Gale is set the stage/vibes over tempo/during & threw this playlist together

(to be expanded)

Silly, Goofy Mood Gale stuff

Are You Mad I Ascended energy

Swayze-esque Gale thoughts

Thinking about hands

Hoe into a housewife

Gale getting high pt 1

Gale getting high pt 2

Gale Dekarios Catdad Core

God Gale Core Test Post

Common Gale Related Tags

Bg3 headcanons

Bg3 shitposts (i do not have a tag just for gale shitposting)

Bg3 meta

Bg3 art

Galeposting

Galeposting srs (i forget this one regularly)

A gale sized hole / gale sized hole

Wolfling photomode / wolfling photo mode

Gale Dekarios

Gale of Waterdeep

Gale Dekarios Music Hour / wolfling playlists (I only put BIGGER playlists posts here, but there are many one off song recs and such if you explore the tag)

Gale Pls (tend to be hornier)

Wolfling Plays  

Wolfling answers

Gale and Macha

Gale tummy

[alpaca-clouds]

Utopia is always a Compromise

Someone asked me something in a private message, getting rather annoyed with my insistence that pretty much any and all conflict can happen in a Solarpunk world: "Well, what is an utopia to you?" And technically the answer is fairly simple: "An utopia is not perfect, but as good as things are going to be." And that is a claim I am going to stand by.

I spent yesterday pretty much the entire day writing a Solarpunk short story for an anthology. And that short story very much is about all that. About compromises. Because I somehow feel, that a lot of folks in the solarpunk sphere do not grasp two things about utopias:

Utopias are going to differ a lot depending on who you ask.

Because of this, any utopia is inherently political.

One person's utopia is going to be someone else's dystopia. Or to put it differently: Nazis imagine utopias too. In their utopias whole cultures have been eliminated, while a few rich white people rule over everyone else. To them this is what they imagine "the best possible world" to be.

Of course, Solarpunk inherently is a very left leaning genre and ideology. My Solarpunk utopia is anarcho-communist of course. In my Solarpunk utopia, there are no more nation states, and there are no more borders. Everyone who wants it is given room to live, and the other necessities to life: access to clean water, food, electricity, health care and education. The education system is a lot more self-directed by the students. And the electricity obviously is created by renewable ressources. Food is grown more locally. Indigenous people get their land back. All those things apply.

And yet, even my Solarpunk utopia has to deal with compromises. Because some things are always going to be a compromise.

Everyone who has been following me, knows that I am a prison and police abolitionist. And this means compromise. While I am 100% certain, that most crime can be prevented by giving people access to the ressources listed above, and allowing everyone a healthy life, some crime will still happen. People still will find reasons to argue. And in some cases arguments might result in violence, and in some extreme cases in death through violence. And some people will be more prone to that violence, for a variety of reasons. And I still think, they should not be "locked away", with maybe some extreme cases as exceptions. But all of that is always a compromise not everyone is going to agree with.

The story I wrote yesterday tackled two other topics in this regard, I have very complicated feelings about myself. Religion and mental health.

Most folks active in the solarpunk sphere are either agnostic or atheistic, or part of some more spiritual nature-related religions. And either group generally tends to have a big disdain for organized religion like Christianity or Islam. Which I - someone who has been abused for pretty much his entire youth through the means of Christianity - absolutely can understand. And yet, I do not think it would be right to overly regulate religion in a Solarpunk world. Even though a lot of those religions are very anti-anarchist in many regards, I also do not think it is the anarchist way to forbid someone else from believing in whatever feels right for them to believe. But that will undoubtedly bring further issues. Because where are you going to draw the line? No matter where you draw it, it is going to be a compromise. And some conflict will arise from it.

What if you have a religion that thinks queerness is bad? Or that thinks women belong in the kitchen? When is it okay to regulate a religion? Because you will not have political success going on and wanting to forbid the world largest religions. Trying to do that would be quite dystopian to me. You also cannot force them to completely change their doctrine, and even if you tried, they would probably still preach some of it behind closed doors. So what are you going to do? Which is the compromise you would take?

In the story I wrote, the main character was a queer guy who has grown up religious and struggled a lot with mental health issues because of it. Because he was queer and his family had been hateful towards that queerness because of their religion. Simply for the reason that controlling someone's personal believes was not right - but the family controlling that queer kid was not right either.

And mind you: We know that contrary to what atheists say, religion is not fully something people choose for themselves. There is some genetic component to religiosity. And if someone has grown up religious, you cannot just force that person to change their religion. That is absolutely akin to forcing a gay person to be straight. It is a violation of the person's rights and freedom, and will be very detrimental to their mental health.

But the mental health issue is another one that is a big topic for compromise in the anarchist way - and even in our modern democratic way.

Most progressive nations do not allow a person to be forcefully put into a psych ward, unless that person tried to commit suicide, or was outright physically violent towards another person. This is also the same bar that usually has to be cleared before someone has to be forced into therapy, and you basically cannot force anyone to take medication. But this is a compromise as well, that does harm as much as it does good.

Because even those mentally unwell people who might not be physically violent, still can very much be abusive towards others. Be it family members, partners, colleagues, roommates, friends, or themselves. And there can absolutely be an argument made that it would be better for everyone to set the bar lower before you can force someone into therapy, as they would probably even benefit themselves. Yet, we do not do that. Because technically it is everyone's personal freedom to decide, whether they want medical care or not - and because we have made the mistake in the past, of course, when a lot of people were forced into and kept under miserable conditions in psychological phacitilies. And we do not want any repeat of it.

But to come back to the story: The main character is abusive mostly towards himself - but this is obviously still harmful towards his partner and child. Nobody can force him to accept any help, after having made a bad experience in therapy before. But the status quo clearly also is not helping anyone.

And you will find those issues in a thousand of different ways. If you are anarchist, you are going to be against a lot of regulations, because those will always give some people power over other people, but where will you draw the line to regulate? Where will you allow some people to make decisions over other people?

Because in some regards this will always have to happen. And no matter how much you can argue: Every line is pretty much arbitrary. Which is why you will find some people argue for pretty every possible line you could draw in the sand. I can bring a thousand arguments for prison abolition - but the people who are for keeping prisons around, can bring a thousand arguments themselves. Sure, I think a lot of those arguments are bullshit. But they think the same about my arguments. And the big issue with those social topics is, that the science is not as firm as we wanted it to be. I will argue that there is some science clearly giving indications for prison abolition - but the prison abolition crowd such as myself does also assume a general scenario, that never has been tested in the modern world. We do not know if it would work. And I myself will openly say, that I have no fucking clue how to deal with issues like misogyny, where we have some data that suggests that once it has taken a certain hold even the best rehabilitation system will not erase it from someone's mind in about 30% of all cases. Sure, we might be able to get rid of it over the course of generations - but as an anarchist I also have to ask: "What do we do until then?" Because those misogynist men will kill and assault women.

I know it is easy to imagine that if only things were better, all human strive would end. But it simply is not the case. Partly, because some people will still struggle with one thing or another and develop bad ways of dealing with that struggle. And partly, because certain ideologies that lie at the root of so many issues cannot just be erased from the world from one day to the other. You cannot uninstall hate from someone's mind. You might through education get some people to be better - but not everyone. And this... Well, this will always create some issues.

[tobiasdrake]

Inspired by some recent posts: What are your thoughts on people shipping Bulma and Goku?

Oh, my feelings on that ship are complicated.

I actually used to like that ship when I was younger. I've always been a fan of ships between characters who genuinely enjoy each other's company and work together to solve problems with minimal friction. When I was growing up, the go-to for canon ship writing was tension. Two characters are in tension with one another until they admit their true feelings and fall in love.

You could see it in anime with ships like Ranma Saotome and Akane Tendo who absolutely, violently hate each other's guts 98% of the time but then occasionally are sweet together so you know they're really deeply in love. Japan loved tsundere romances back in the day. They were everywhere.

And you could see it in Western media like Han Solo and Leia Organa, where Han behaves as an aggressive sexual predator despite Leia's clear rebukes of his advances and it's supposed to be romantic because she's secretly in love with him the whole time.

80's and 90's Hollywood was all about women "playing hard to get". The cultural idea was that "No" means "Keep asking, big boy; I love it when you push my boundaries." Decades later it turned out a lot of people in Hollywood were sexual predators. Imagine that.

And I never really liked any of it. I wanted to see romances between characters who love and cherish each other, and make each other stronger through their mutual connection. I didn't want shows full of Shinji and Asuka romances, I wanted shows full of Frodo and Samwise romances.

This, I think, is why a lot of same-sex ships took off back in the day too; Heroes, especially male heroes, love nobody half as much as they love the best friend who fights by their side. They'll dump their girlfriends on the side of the road to go gallivanting off on a new adventure but they are ride-or-die for their bestie.

And I just. I couldn't help but look at that dynamic and ask, "How come the ride-or-die bestie that the hero's forever loyal to and whose emotional bond takes up half the story, isn't the love interest?" So, like a lot of people, I start shipping those dynamics over the canon ships.

Goku and Bulma aren't really ride-or-die besties. I mean, on Bulma's side, they are. But Goku's the kind of person who goes no contact with everyone for five years without notice and then shows up like "Hey guys, check out this cool technique I learned." Not out of malice or anything; That's just how he is. It's a special event any time you even get to see him. He has no ride-or-die bestie. He lives entirely in the moment.

But back in the day, when I didn't really know Goku or Bulma that well beyond what the dub was doing with Z, they seemed like they fit that mold. And I was about it.

These days, I have a much firmer grasp on the characters and I cannot imagine any version of a Goku and Bulma relationship that wouldn't feel skeevy and predatory on Bulma's part.

With Chi-Chi, there's the context that Chi-Chi's as much of a dimwitted naive backwoods hick as Goku is, so they mutually dumbassed themselves into a domestic situation neither truly understood. Bulma doesn't have that defense. She's cunning, well-educated, and extremely socially aware.

If Bulma and Goku had gotten together instead of Chi-Chi and Goku, it would have felt like Bulma taking advantage of Goku's naivety; Especially when that's literally something she tried to do the first day they ever met.

If Goku were a character that was more socially aware and, y'know, actually interested in romance at all, that would be a different story. But as it is, for both the integrity of the characters and their fantastic relationship with one another? I do think it's probably best that Goku was already spoken for before he became hot enough for Bulma to start considering him as a Himbo Arm-Candy upgrade from Yamcha. (Which she briefly did.)

[rei-ismyname]

For your choose violence ask game, 1 and 12, please!

Hey there, this is fun!

1. Character that everyone gets wrong. Funnily every ask has included this, but I'm not going to repeat myself. Instead I'll find a different way to vagueblog about certain of my fellow X-Men fans.

Hank McCoy, aka the Beast, specifically his tenure as Director of X-Force. One group of people simply choose to ignore the run entirely (which is valid - if you don't enjoy then ignoring it can be healthy,) and many reduce him to war crimes memes, which is also valid. I'm definitely not defending his actions at all, but I don't often see the complicity and accountability of the Quiet Council and his subordinates mentioned. Ben Percy's choice to reboot him from factory settings was one I found unsatisfying as it short circuited any kind of trial or reckoning - and everyone else's guilt has been forgotten.

There was a teeny bit of subterfuge

Firstly, every single member of the Quiet Council was there for X-Force's formation and received reports. His first act was torturing a prisoner. There's no arguing that Krakoa needed some kind of security apparatus, but they failed to provide any guidelines, zero checks and balances. They told Hank to protect Krakoa by any means necessary and handed him a morally blank check. He chose to do the things he did but he was enabled by those who knew even after he left Krakoa. They chose to keep him out in the world as a deniable asset. Again, not to diminish his culpability but the monster that was Hank McCoy had many parents. The simple fact that he wasn't very effective at protecting Krakoa should have been cause for review, even if the ethical calculus is non existent.

His team didn't have all the information but they had enough to know better and were involved in the team in the first place. 'Just following orders' should be odious to modern readers, and even Jean chose to quit while leaving the system in place rather than do anything about it. They eventually moved to a better model, but after genocides were met with light scoldings I wasn't surprised at the degree of sunk cost fallacy Beast fell into. I wish we got a serious meditation on how you can't be the director of the CIA without damaging your soul irreparably, but I think we got enough to illustrate my point. I often wondered how he felt about everything - during the first Hellfire Gala he asked Xavier if he'd disappointed him and heard 'not yet' back - I got the impression he was outsourcing his morality and it's unsurprising that he was able to reconcile it with his actions.

Solicits for X-Men #8 show the President of Terra Verde at Graymalkin to see Beast punished for his crimes. It's a shame he can't remember any of it because it was done by someone else. There's no Quiet Council or Krakoa to punish anymore, and I'm disappointed that accountability never came for any of the guilty people.

12. The unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them.

EXODUS, baby. Two of the big themes of Krakoa were compromise and community, and Exodus' previous publication history showed he was not well suited to either (except for that bizarre time he worked for SHIELD but I ignore that.) Up to that point he'd been an obscenely powerful religious fundamentalist and mutant supremacist but hadn't had enough page time to explore that in any depth.

Seriously, his style is out of this world.

When he arrived on Krakoa and was given a seat on the Quiet Council he was absolutely both of those things, though he proved himself committed to good governance without any agenda. By being part of an ostensibly egalitarian community for the first time he became a true believer and slowly ditched his old methods of blunt force for community-building and fiercely protecting it from outside threats. He compromised while looking fabulous.

Exodus had frequent campfire educational sessions with kids, he rewrote scripture as his theology evolved (Jesus as the Nazarene Mutant is everything to me,) he put his faith in Hope and Krakoa as a polity but moreso as a people. He tried to convince Doug to die temporarily so he could take his place in X of Swords, risking permanent death. His labelling of Wanda as The Pretender was pretty uncomfortable, but after The Trial of Magneto he invited her in to tell her own story.

Then Immortal X-Men began and the 3 event comics put him through the wringer. First was Judgement Day where he fought and killed towering death machines while simultaneously leading the psychic countersiege on the Uni-Mind. He was tested by the Progenitor with a public simulation of his old boyfriend in hell. He stuck to his code and passed, but he also bumrushed a demon to free Garrington from his grasp. Exodus objected to humans being resurrected, but he still accepted Nightcrawler's argument. When Syne the Memetaur was resurrected for the last time, he rushed to fight her but lowered his fists when she started to talk about poetry. He ended up collaborating with this cthulhu that had torched Krakoa and killed countless mutants to fight a celestial and save the world for everyone. Compromise.

After Sins of Sinister, he accepted his capacity for evil and submitted to very unpleasant measures to ensure Sinister's influence was purged. When the fight kicked off he stuck to the agreement and didn't join the fight, even at Hope's request. His breakdown after he tried to kill the very obvious bad actor Selene highlighted the flaws of Krakoa's government, and played a crucial part in transition to democracy.

Fall of X prevented that being implemented, and after thrashing a ton of sentinels he pivoted to the safety of everyone else, especially The Five. When the Krakoan diaspora ended up in the desert of the White Hot Room, he wore a midriff and stepped up for 250K scared and leaderless mutants - choosing to inspire and protect instead of his old methods - he'd come full circle. His actions after that are a whole other post, but I hope I've made my point. I don't trust religious fundamentalists, generally speaking. My kneejerk reaction to Exodus was 'fuck, he's going to ruin everything' but he avoided the hypocrisy and selfishness, the refusal to allow change that underpins my experience with IRL fundamentalism. He compromised and grew, and definitely walked the walk.

Is he unhinged? Yes, fortunately. Does he have some bizarre beliefs? Absolutely, but they weren't based on nothing and he ended up being right. When Hope was prepping to sacrifice herself to rebirth The Phoenix he begged to die in her place. He was the only adult to level with Kafka and be honest with him about the reality of the White Hot Room. More than most he committed to the promise of Krakoa and put everything into making that a reality. He's also not fooling anyone with his vow of celibacy not being related to his true love dying 900 years ago.

[royalthorned]

Lily Evans and intellectualisation

I feel like as a fandom we gloss over the fact that a pillar of lily Evans as a character is her intelligence. And yes, people highlight her grades but I always think people do this in a "studies all day everyday" way as opposed to the natural "cool" intelligence of Sirius and James (which as a stereotype I have big feeling about but ...)

So! this is my ramble on Lily Evans intellectualising herself beyond a point of self understanding, which is why she was so brave and strong in the face of difficulty.

As a basis of Lily we have to acknowledge she began Hogwarts at a massive disadvantage but I do think that people over emphasise the lack of knowledge Lily would have. I think, having been exposed to more social setting, a broader education she was overall be "smarter" than the other students.

I see Lily as having a complicated relationship with femininity. Considering she was a teenager in the 70's and exposed to the muggle world of feminism I think she would be very aware of stereotypes of ditsy women, I think this leads her to try, actively, almost desperately to avoid the stereotype by not giggling, gossiping, talking about clothes and make up which isolated her from that part of herself.

I see Lily as being the "look at it from an outsiders perspective" kind of person. That she has to see things in a detached, unemotional manner to feel like she has an understanding of things. For her, true understanding is logical. I think she can be a deeply sympathetic and understanding person because other people feeling can be logical, but for her understanding thing must not be atattched to the human part of her.

Intellectualisation!!! No.1 defence mechanism for her, if she cannot control something, understand something, have a grasp on something she will control it in ways that have no real effect on the situation.

Sex. (This is where bartylily begins I'm sorry) I, in my heart and soul, with my full body believe she is actually incredibly kinky just overthinks it to a point where all of it seems unethical, patriarchal or freudian. If she wants to be slapped; why does she want that? why would she want to sleep with someone who would want to do that? what does her relating pain and pleasure together mean for longterm relationships e.c.t ( this is where my archetype for bartylily begins, because this is a key similarity between them. Barty wants to be called daddy, can acknowledge its meaning and does not care. My Bartylily is a corruption, a shared understanding and a learnt disregard.

[starcrossed591]

CDrama Year in Review 2023

I'm still very much a CDrama beginner--I just started watching them in the summer of 2022--but since this is the first year I got into them in earnest, I figured I might as well do a year in review a la @dangermousie (whose lists I have found incredibly helpful in deciding which CDramas I really, really need to go back and watch as part of my CDrama education--so thank you!). So, without further adieu, here is my ranking of 2023 CDramas, in order of least enjoyed to most enjoyed*.

(See also: KDrama Year in Review 2023)

*Disclaimer: *not* a measure of objective quality

10. Royal Rumours: This drama was not great? Meng Zi Yi and Jeremy Tsui were fun, but the story started out messy and got messier. For some reason I still finished it, I think because I had a lingering cold and it was all my brain could handle at the time *shrug*

9. Gone with the Rain: I actually really enjoyed this one! The pacing was inconsistent, but Zhang Nan was fun as the irreverent Mo Xi, and we love a grizzled general. Special shout to the teacher who was not actually evil, just a sad lesbian whose gf disappeared on her

8. Love You Seven Times: Intriguing concept, not a strong enough FL to carry it through. The reincarnation stuff really worked for me at first, especially in their first mortal tribulation (as people, not CGI animals), but I got tired of it pretty quickly. I admit, the gifs of Ding Yu Xi as a sexy cat demon *did* pull me back in, but not enough for me to actually finish the thing, alas

7. Destined/Chang Feng Du: Started out really strong, and then stalled out on me. I think I only got up to about episode 22 or so, after their epic desert crossing and new start in a new state--they lost all narrative momentum for me there. I stopped watching and then just...didn't start again. I do, however, remain a big Bai Jing Ting fan, and will be keeping on eye out for whatever he does next

6. Hidden Love: (Contemporary) Age gap romances are hit or miss for me, but Zhao Lu Si absolutely stole/carried the show for me in this one. Although more fun imo when the main couple are in the the will-they-won't-they phase than in the family melodrama after they get together, still the only contemporary CDrama to get me to give it a go this year--and I'm glad I did

5. My Journey to You: Featuring my favorite murder girlies Esther Yu as Yun Wei Shan and Lu Yu Xiao as Shanguan Qian! Gorgeous costumes and sets, sweeping cinematography, and plot that kept me on the edge of my seat. Full disclosure, I have not actually watched the last two episodes because I got busy and then saw weird chatter about them, so I have no comment on the allegedly weird ending

4. Till the End of the Moon: Look, I know the ending wasn't ideal, but for the majority of its run, this drama owned my entire soul. It also introduced me to Bai Lu as Li Su Su, who inspired my first actual tumblr post (that wasn't a reblog) because I was so obsessed with her. And everyone knows that Tantai Jin is the CDrama ML of the year. 10/10, no regrets at letting it take over my life (and the OST my Spotify) from April to May of this year

3. The Story of Kunning Palace: More Bai Lu is always a good thing, and she's extra fun here as the transmigrated former evil empress and totally-over-your-nonsense Xiang Xue Ning here. The reverse haremness of it all totally shows why Bai Lu is the chemistry queen, especially with the princess (Liu Xie Ning) and cranky, morally grey, would-fail-gym-class strategist Xie Wie (Zhang Ling He). So glad this drama made it out of the CDrama vault and didn't languish indefinitely in censorship hell

2. A Journey to Love: Finished this one two days ago as of this writing and am still not normal about it. Ren Ruyi (Liu Shi Shi) and Ning Yuan Zhou (Liu Yu Ning) lead an exceptionally strong ensemble cast in this wuxia that explores the complicated relationships between love, duty, loyalty, loneliness, and companionship. Ruyi and Yuan Zhou are far and away one of my fave OTPs of the year, but just as compelling are the relationships between friends/brothers/fellow assassins Yu Shisan, Yuan Lu (ugh my heart), Qian Zhou, and Sun Lang. This drama definitely has one of the strongest ensemble casts of the year. And the character growth of Yang Ying from little princess abandoned in the cold palace to who she becomes by the end will stick with me for a long time. Plus another 10/10 OST!

1. Lost You Forever S1: I'm not normally a reverse harem girl, but the longing, loss, and hard resolve portrayed to perfection by Yang Zi as Xiao Yao really did it for me here. This whole drama struck an emotional chord for me, and where TTEOTM consumed my soul, LYF took over my heart. Xiao Yao's relationships with her power hungry, overprotective cousin Cang Xuan; hot snake demon Xiang Liu/playboy archery shufu Feng Feng Bei; and perfectly devoted Tushan Jing are all equally compelling to me, and while I may know who she ends up with in the end, who I *think* she should be with changes based on who's on screen at any given time. And A'Nian, my favorite bratty princess who really just needs some strong parenting, holds a special place in my heart. I know we may never get S2, and even if we do, censorship means it probably won't be what the drama makers are capable of, but I'm so glad for this little piece of absolute perfection. And, again, a top notch OST!

Fave Drama: Lost You Forever, by just a hair over A Journey to Love. See above.

Least Fave Drama: Royal Rumours--truly why did I finish this, what was past me thinking

Biggest Disappointment: 2023 is also the year I read Dreamer in the Spring Boudoir, my very first CNovel! But then I didn't even bother checking out its adaptation, Romance of a Twin Flower, because it got rid of everything that made the novel such an addicting read, including a brilliant, strategic, ice cold FL and an ML who actually kind of sucked at the beginning, only to grow on you very, very slowly over time. I'm grateful that the chatter around the drama is what brought the novel to my attention, but other than that, hard pass.

Favorite Male Character: Lots of good ones this year, but I'm gonna go with Cang Xuan (Zhang Wan Yi) from Lost You Forever. The conflict he faces between getting enough power to protect the people he loves the most and that power making him incompatible with those loved ones is so compelling, and his yearning for Xiao Yao even when she's right in front of him is wrenching. Full disclosure, I also just really love the sound of his voice

Favorite Female Character: This could easily have gone to Li Susu (TTEOTM), Xiao Yao (LYF), or Ren Ruyi (AJTL), but I'm gonna go with Bai Lu's Xiang Xue Ning in The Story of Kunning Palace. Something I really loved about this character was just how jaded Xue Ning really was, even in her second go round at life. Yeah, she wants to make amends for the harm done in her previous rise to power, but that has hardly turned her into a good--or even pleasant--person. Instead, she's incredibly skeptical and still plays most things ice cold, especially with her family. As a bonus, we got plenty of Bai Lu's fantastic side eye as she basically had to do high school all over again when she gets called into the palace despite her very best efforts not to be.

Favorite Ship: Ren Ruyi and Yuan Zhao from A Journey to Love have got to be it. They balance each other out so well, and over the course of the drama, learn to communicate effectively with each other whenever they have a problem. They also recognize that not all problems can be solved by ~love~, which makes their relationship even more compelling when they decide to prioritize each other in a way that respects what the other wants from life.

Favorite Secondary Ship: Little princess Yang Ying and Yuan Lu absolutely broke stole my heart in A Journey to Love. Doomed love even more than the main OTP, these two's youthful romance was such much fun to watch, especially as they egged their respective mentors on in their own romance. Yang Ying's recognition that her first love did not have to be her only love is also something I always love to see, even as it broke my heart that (spoiler) she and Yuan Lu never really had a chance at an HEA. Their relationship really exemplified a key theme of this drama: that you should love the people you love while they're still with you because tomorrow is never promised.

Non-2023 Dramas that I Watched: Two non-2023 dramas I watched that deserve a special shout out are Love and Redemption and The Sword and the Brocade. Love and Redemption prepared me to really appreciate the big swings that Till the End of the Moon took, and The Sword and the Brocade went a little way to filling the Story of Ming Lan shaped hole in my heart. The Sword and the Brocade also had absolutely searing critique of the concubine system, even as it featured one of the most genuinely good-hearted FLs I've seen. Would recommend both!

Most Looking Forward To: Yes, I'm a sucker and the censors (not to mention the characters) will probably break my heart, but I'm still crossing my fingers that Lost You Forever S2 will live up to the promise of part one. See above: still a CDrama beginner, have not yet had all the optimism knocked out of me. Sue me.

[olderthannetfic]

The main problem that I have with Youtubers who attempt to approach media analysis and fandom through theory and academia is that the vast majority aren't academics. Just being in undergrad isn't actually enough, contrary to the thoughts of many. Reading a Wikipedia article and reiterating what one may find in some Google, even Google Scholar, searches. Ideally, these would be topics approached by people involved in academia as a profession, people with doctoral degrees, who can discuss complex topics in a way that is easily understood by the masses. "What is the negotiation between gender and sex in BL?" "How does CMBYN articulate/complicate hierarchal roles within the gay novel?" "Could SnK express an alternative reading of the formerly isolated Japan?" These are complicated questions they attempt to answer in their video essays when they seldom ever understand the theories they employ.

Yes, I understand this can sound elitist, but as a Black afab person who is currently in a doctoral program for literature, there aren't "easy" answers to any of the questions they attempt to pose, and many Youtubers who primarily make long-form video essays lack the life experience and expertise to sufficiently discuss anything. They're usually too set in their thoughts to answer or explore the broader implications of their claims. Defending a dissertation forces you to do this. Forming a committee of experts in various fields and convincing them to aid you in the development of your dissertation forces you to do this. Being in academic and cordial communication with your peers from all over the world in your field forces you to do this. It's not easy to constantly intake new information from various eras and nations (depending on your topic), meld this information into a coherent essay, and continually make edits as you learn new information, thus changing your outlook on things. Also: it's really petty of me, but it's also incredibly annoying to grade poorly researched undergrad essays who, after some prompting in office hours, say they got these ideas on books, movies, and shows from breadtubers like Somerton, SZ, FD Signifier, or hbomberguy. Cue: me going to watch their videos and realizing they have no idea what they're talking about 88% of the time in terms of theory and application of said theory. Even the ones who frame themselves on being educators in real life, like Signifier, lack any nuance, depth, or media literacy to make a compelling argument if you know even the slightest bit of information. On the bright side, I now know why I've encountered several students with ideologies that are basically conservatism with a veneer of progressivism, or "conservatism in a queer hat."

This concludes my long-winded way of saying "Don't turn to Youtubers for media analysis. You're better off just reading articles by people who have to actually know what they're talking about. The majority of Youtubers (especially the breadtubers) don't have the bandwidth to discuss anything more complex than an episode of Blue's Clues."

--

I mostly agree, but I'd point to a slightly different problem. I'm hesitant to say that the PhD itself is the deciding factor, but I do think a lot of video essayists are insufficiently prepared.

I'm a big fan of Folding Ideas who does have some formal schooling in film, but I don't think it's that education per se that makes him great. He sets himself apart from other video essayists by actually doing his research and having an in-depth approach to his subjects. He doesn't resort to clickbait, and—here's the key—he often takes months or even a year to work on something.

Honestly, I think that's a big part of it: the hoops most youtubers who want to make a living at it have to jump through involve a lot of clickbait and pandering and a fast production schedule. They don't involve reputable peer review except by the court of shriek-y public opinion on twitter.

They'd like to present themselves as documentary filmmaking (which is essentially what Folding Ideas' longer videos are), but they don't actually live up to any of the usual standards of that either.

I think it can be elitist to say that someone needs to have certain letters after their name, yes, but what really strikes me about your average youtube media analysis type and the fanbase is that they want shortcuts.

Exploring the whole history of the gay novel so that you have enough background to talk about CMBYN means reading quite a few novels. Even if you decide to throw out all past scholarly opinion on the topic (which you shouldn't), if you're going to have a meaningful personal theory, you need to have read a lot of novels first. How can you hope to be the person providing the neat overview of the whole genre if you haven't familiarized yourself widely with said genre, and not just through a summary by someone else? That amount of reading doesn't happen overnight.

The trite, surface-level media analysis online is often from people who want to be hailed as great intellectuals but who aren't willing to put in the years it takes to do all the background reading and to develop their skills in argumentation, writing, etc.

Grad school is a convenient and probably faster way to go about all that, but I think you could do it outside of a formal framework... But you would need to actually do it.

I think it's driven by a bunch of people who were The Smart One in grade school and never learned how to work hard on long-term projects instead of pushing through in a sprint. They're used to relying on being the smartest to cut corners and do things before they get bored, only they probably aren't the smartest anymore anyway, and they mistake being smart at one thing for being smart at all things.

There's a real lack of respect for the entire concept of expertise.

[intheholler]

hey, just wanted to stop by and say i’ve been following your blog for a while & i really love seeing your posts whenever i do. i’m from a small town in ohio, so i’ve grown up around a odd mix of midwestern and appalachian culture.

my mom grew up poor and she’s been real careful about making sure we come off as educated and middle class. which we are. but that means i grew up thinking people with country accents or tanned skin and tattoos or big muddy trucks were dumb, uneducated, and intolerant. harsh words but thats what i truly thought. i didn’t ever want to be mistaken for someone from the county, i didn’t want to be from where i’m from. all i wanted was to shake off every bit of ohio, creek mud and childhood, and go somewhere better.

once i went to away to school i realized how little i knew and i want to say i’m sorry for misunderstanding y’all. i could’ve made a lot of connections but instead i judged. and it’s complicated because part of it came from staying safe (i’m openly queer in my small ohio town) but a lot of it was just prejudice and it wasn’t fair. i’m sorry for the long ask but i really wanted to say thank you for helping me see how beautiful and connected your culture is, and helping me feel more connected to my home as well. i think my outlook has changed for the better now.

this is really meaningful to read. not even because appalachia deserves your apology, but because you deserve the grace you're giving yourself, too, by lending the apology in the first place.

as a fellow person who grew up openly queer in their various small (albeit, appalachian, yes) towns, i totally understand the need to separate yourself like that to keep yourself safe. not wanting to be where i was from, either, i did the same and thought the same as you.

and as i grew up and looked back, i also apologized to appalachia, because i felt precisely the way you did. because i thought i had to. the self-loathing and forced hate of my home is something i had to ease myself out of over the years to find the love waiting.

this is all to say thank you so much for re-analyzing your feelings on appalachians/rural country folks, for extending yourself grace for your thoughts in your youth, and for stopping by to tell me about it. it means so much if my blog has in any way contributed to this shift of mind

yall take care <333

[bloody-wonder]

mid-year book tag

1. Best Book You’ve Read So Far in 2024? i have read so many good ones this year but no particular one stands out to me as The Best so i'll name top 5 instead (in the order i read them in): a thousand stitches, doctrine of labyrinths, in other lands, big swiss, my brilliant friend - so, quite a range of genres and tones, as usual :)

2. Best Sequel You’ve Read So Far in 2024? the virtu is definitely my favorite part of doctrine of labyrinths and the tropic of serpents, the second book in the memoirs of lady trent, was just a perfect historical fantasy adventure novel - it's like if jane austen wrote indiana jones except it's also a nature documentary about dragons. last but not least, empire of the damned which came out in march solidified jay kristoff's empire of the vampire as my favorite vampire book series. you might have heard me screaming about it from the rooftops. all three of these sequels, i find, are even better than the previous book in their respective series.

3. New Release You Haven’t Read Yet, But Want To? i'm saving kj charles' death in the spires for the fall since it's a spooky campus murder mystery (i think?) and i also want to read apostles of mercy and so finish lindsay ellis' sci fi series (which i have lost interest in somewhat tbh but i'm nothing if not a completionist lol). i was curious about the familiar but the reviews i've seen don't look too promising so i'm probably not going to prioritize it.

4. Most Anticipated Release For Second Half of 2024? i'm looking forward to kj charles' new romance book, the duke at hazard, as well as the new evander mills mystery, rough pages, but the piece of fiction i'm anticipating the most is actually the radioapple southern gothic au by my favorite fanfic author reminiscentbells. she's going to write the whole thing this summer and start posting in september - i'm so excitedddd😱

5. Biggest Disappointment? emily wilde's encyclopaedia of faeries is the book equivalent of a ghoul wearing the skin of your beloved. i wasn't a fan of a deadly education either😒 was very excited to read gaywyck but the expectations of "jane eyre but gay" which the cover of that book gave me were unfortunately not met🤷‍♀️

6. Biggest Surprise? i didn't think i might be into extreme horror and neither did i fancy myself a sally rooney girlie so i was quite surprised that i liked her conversations with friends as well as the sluts by dennis cooper. will definitely read more from both authors next year. an even bigger surprise however was solitaire which i picked up on a whim after tori came out as ace in the last heartstopper volume. i have a complicated relationship with alice oseman's books mostly due to the fact that i'm years past the target demographic age but still feel compelled to read them bc it seems they're the only mainstream books with prominent aro/ace rep out there. so i didn't expect much and was astonished to discover that tori spring is like looking at a mirror reflection of my 18yo self - uncanny in a fun way. ig i shouldn't be so surprised this turned out to be my favorite oseman book since it's the one with the most mixed reviews lol people like to hate a depressed teenage girl😬

7. Favorite New Author? i have devoured doctrine of labyrinths and the cemeteries of amalo in february so now i can safely say sarah monette aka katherine addison is one of my favorite authors. each of her series has a different tone but there are consistent themes of real or magical disability and non amatonormative relationships which are explored in creative ways throughout her stories. i also like her worldbuilding quite a bit, especially the naming systems and fantasy terminology. i read more books by celeste ng as well as by vale aida - both are likely to become favorite authors too. in the latter's case - provided she writes a sequel to hostis. if not, i shall never forgive her😅

8. Newest Favorite Character? okay this is just impossible to narrow down! first of all, liathe from empire of the damned bc i want her Gender: wearing a porcelain mask and a splendid crimson coat, formally bowing to her adversaries before she beats the shit out of them with her blood sword, referring to herself by the royal we and hissing every time she speaks - character of all time material right there. behold my beautiful girl who has done nothing wrong!🥰

(official illustrations by bon orthwick)

secondly, elliot schafer bc he's the most obnoxious prickly boy in other lands and yet everyone wants him carnally lol. i adore his internal monologue - probably the best i've read in ya. his dialogue too tbh - his cutting repartee game is off the charts. honestly, he's just my favorite type of character: a mean bisexual gremlin who scolds people so creatively that they fall in love with him on the spot. what more can you ask.

finally, i have to mention that to my great surprise i liked mildmay more than felix harrowgate🤯 idk felix is this cunty traumatized savant which is a character archetype i'm used to liking so it was a safe bet. the opposites attract sidekick or love interest of such a character is usually not my cup of tea but mildmay is the exception that proves the rule ig. mostly it's bc of his unusual manner of speaking with those funny slang turns of phrase and just generally the contrast between his expressive internal monologue and his reserved demeanor. as a result, he easily rivals felix as the most interesting guy in the book. such excellent character work! taking my hat off to monette🎩

9. Newest Fictional Crush? i reserve this question for that special kind of obsession only a very particular character can inspire and this year it's alastor from hazbin hotel. which, i know, is not a book but i have read so much alastor fanfic in the last few months that he's basically like a book character to me at this point lol

💕Best Ship💕 elliot schafer and luke sunborn are very cute. i don't usually go for cute but here we are. especially after reading that short story from luke's pov i realized i just need more of these two together😌 felix and mildmay with their unholy magic bdsm union - need i say more? forbidden ship that watered my crops. last but not least, i'm currently trudging through the realm of the elderings bc of fitz and the fool and as of assassin's quest it finally started paying off: i'm being queerbaited and asking for more🥲

10. Book That Made You Cry? a thousand stitches is such a wholesome cozy book and it made me cry multiple times the way that a nostalgic movie from childhood can make you cry sometimes. especially the pug scene😭 the scenes of thara celehar walking the corn maze in the cemeteries of amalo made me cry a lot too. the symbolic depths addison is able to achieve with the labyrinth motif, the exploration of grief and forgiveness and letting go - unparalleled🤌

11. Book That Made You Happy? a thousand stitches made me happy! especially the pug scene!!😅 honestly it was like watching a disney movie back when they were good except also more relatable bc atwater's characters read neurodivergent and aspec-coded to me. love how she maintains that the kiss of true love that breaks the faerie curse doesn't have to be romantic. re-reading the three musketeers made me very happy too - it's one of my top 10 favorite books of all time and i was kinda nervous i might not like it as much as an adult. well the joke's on me bc now i can confirm it's one of the best books ever written😊 reading in other lands and big swiss cheered me up a lot too bc they're just so damn funney😄

12. Favorite Book Adaptation You Saw This Year? haven't seen a lot of adaptations so ig dune part two wins by default. twas a fine movie. the wheel of time is also a nice show in my opinion but i didn't read the source material so idk how good it is adaptation-wise🤷‍♀️

13. Favorite Review You’ve Written This Year? my favorite ones are probably the ones i wrote about the three musketeers and in other lands but i think i also wrote some good critical/negative reviews of the mask of mirrors and of the vorkosigan books i read this year (1 2 3)

14. Most Beautiful Cover? behold the cover of the voyage of the basilisk!🤩 i want to frame it and hang it on my wall so that i can gaze at it adoringly and connect with my inner ishmael

(art by todd lockwood)

i also like this vintage romance cover of gaywyck and the uk covers of the farseer trilogy. it's a shame that the books are not as good as the covers led me to believe. especially in the case of gaywyck - this cover is Such A Vibe! but alas

15. What Books Do You Need To Read By The End of The Year? in terms of series i want to finish the memoirs of lady trent, read one more witcher book, at least a couple vampire chronicles and then reread swordspoint and hopefully complete that series too. other fantasy i want to get to at last is fire & blood and the hands of the emperor - both are big and intimidating tho. for my classics challenge i need to finish a couple of tomes i'm reading slowly throughout the year and then also read the name of the rose. american psycho and mona awad's bunny have been on my tbr for ages - maybe i'll finally read them this fall. and i also want to finish reading kj charles' backlist bc the completionism drive is stronger than the fear of having no kj charles to read lol

i never do things a normal amount - every time i take up new media i go all in. so i had a musicals phase, a movies phase, a tv show phase - each lasting a few years and then i barely watched any of these once the phase ended. which is why i've been wondering if my current Book Phase is about to wrap up soon but, given how many books i managed to read since january, it sure doesn't seem that way. instead, it feels like the more i read the better i am at finding books that i'm likely to enjoy - which leads to more reading. and i cannot complain about that tbh😁📚

tagging @magpiefngrl @doh-rae-me @oliviermiraarmstrongs @fugitoidkry @pinkasrenzo @counterwiddershins @figuringthengsout @sugarbabywenkexing @fandomreferencepending @venndaai @weirdsociology @sixappleseeds @theodoradove

please tell me what you've been reading this year (if you want)! one can't have too many book recs👀

goodreads │ old mid year tags 2020 2021 2022 2023

[awanderingtortoise]

a very messy 1.5k word dodgerfox essay but like was i onto something

I just remembered this character psychology/thematic analysis and relationship dynamic breakdown I made (word vomited) at like 3 in the morning after finishing s1. Thought I would put it here and see if people agree with my... interpretation? coherent incoherency?

PS forgive the lack of grammatical format pls

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In the following text i will be attempting to describe what makes this ship so compelling so i may have a clearer idea of how to write fiction about this. To describe a relationship, of course, one must first see the state of the characters before they meet eachother. So let us begin with a certain Jack Dawkins.

Jack is, to say the very least, complicated. A less than ideal start to life as a child early indoctrinated into Fagin’s family of London theft, he is abandoned in prison by the closest thing he has to a father. He has no real idea of love, really truly selfless love. He makes his way into the navy as a young surgeon. He faces the realities now not only of poverty and injustice, but of war; physical pain, mortality, suffering even of those fighting on a national cause.

In a sense, both these environments have taught him to surrender, that one cannot so much as change the world they live in but simply adapt to it. He adapts by thieving. He adapts by becoming an empathetic, compassionate, and incredibly competent surgeon. But this is a matter of survival, as it must be. Social class and the cards dealt to you by life are not something disregarded by this story as a whole.

Even when he is landed a job in the australian colony as a surgeon, this mindset is reflected in his seeming contentedness with a medical system he knows he could improve. He has learned to give up his value as a person, and his values, for the sake of survival, which is absolutely necessary. Hence his giving in to the professor and sneed, hence his cynicism. There is a hope trapped inside of him he has lost the sound of even to himself.

This idea of living in ‘reality’ and being thrust by the circumstances of life has made him quick with his hands, with his mind, a very hands on learner.

Belle Fox, where jack is a man made of survival, is a woman made of vision, something shaped by her intelligence and privilege. As the daughter of a prominent politician she is educated, aware of her status, and fully uses it to her advantage. Shes not a bad person, and for that reason this appears somewhat acceptable, but it is still very clear she does this to get what she wants. And what belle wants, as an educated woman, with a clear view of the injustice towards women in the society of her day, as a girl who did not fit into that almost livestock view of women in that day, is to be a surgeon. To utilize her gifts, to put a vision that she has of the world into it.

Her view of the world is marked by a constant ‘this isnt how it should be’ and the birthright power she has to change it, as opposed to jacks ‘but this is how it is’. Her cleaning of the hospital, her introduction of medical advances, this results in good effects but is still very much ‘for her’, its not at its core born out of an empathy for the suffering around her but a desire to mold the world into the way she sees it should be.

In part, this may be why she empathizes with gaines’ analogy of a corrupted body (‘ive read hobbes’)-- they are both beset with a vision of the world, they understand thinking in the light of a big picture.

Belle, as a woman, has no access to the practicum and therefore her knowledge is theory theory theory. But by god does she know her theory. As women werent truly allowed to act, she is a hypothetical thinker, a big picture thinker, an idealist, determined to shape the world into the way she sees it, admittedly a very correct and educated way to see it. However, the development of her empathy is necessary to complete her character, in the same way Jack must develop her sense of vision and get that idea that he can fight for himself, he has value, he can and actually must, change the world.

They are similar and yet opposite; both highly intelligent, medically inclined, headstrong, sharp witted, disappointed with the state of the world. But where belle is theoretical jack is practical. Where she is privileged he is paid in barely pocket change. Where he is acutely aware of the governments generalized sweeps’ individual effects on lives, on people, hence his tender bedside manner, belle is the opposite. She sees only the discrepancy between what she knows to be right and what the world is and has the status to brashly order about her desires into the reality, a power jack has never possessed. Where she is a changemaker because of wealth, he has become complacent because of poverty. Where he stays behind the line to save himself, belle oversteps again and again because there is no real harm for her. Where jacks disappointment with the world melts into survival instinct and cynicism, belle’s turns into headstrong determination and resolve.

That is why the sparks fly, they are what the other lacks, and this is typically a very difficult type of relationship to maintain but if they both grow as people it can be incredibly beautiful and fulfilling. That is the core of their relationship, they challenge eachother, make eachother grow and learn.

In the same way their moral flaws are both born of their circumstance: as jack admits, the worst parts of him love the thrill of crime. That was his home, how he grew up. And belle, clearly, is not very good at seeing things from other’s points of view. ‘Theivery is thievery’ ‘your family are the biggest thieves [here]’. She has principles but is still learning to shift her worldview when it comes to sociopolitical issues not regarding gender, to see that the unruly poor’ are such BECAUSE of the oppression of her class. As fagin says, ‘no choice but to bite.’

Their love also deals in opposites. Jacks love literally saves belles life, while it lands him himself in jail and almost on the noose. Belles apprenticeship with him gives her love and knowledge, it gives him love but costs him nearly everything else. Jack is experienced with women and belle is limited to diagrams of ‘congress’, opposing the very jacklike hands on way. Belle is sheltered and all she knows of love and sex is theoretical, detached from the actual experience. It is by no fault of either of theirs but that is the way life has made them, a constant theme of the show. Even as belle seems to rebel she is still at the mercy of her upbringing; her ‘fancy skirts’ for instance, her manner, her statement that he must marry her. And she is not apologetic about any of it, something both admirable and a problem because its reflective of her unchecked privilege and lack of empathy.

This intensity is what makes it risky in the long term and so soooo beautiful on the screen. Even the marriage idea reflects this. Belle believes jack misjudges her family when he says they could never marry, believing her mother will give in to her as she supported jack as a surgeon. She is wrong, of course.

Its not so much that she isnt used to getting what she wants, but this again idea that the world isnt as it should be. Jack’s realism is formed by hard hard experience. However, they have the common ground of both never having truly known love romantically, though belle knows familial love. This is one over Jack, who had fagin’s very selfish life for a motto. Though he has one over her when it comes to experience. He doesn’t truly know how to say at first what love is because he has never known it. Can i just say hetty is wonderful helping him realize he loves belle?? what a saint with no hard feelings over those two.

And yet. Because of all this, they bring out the best in eachother. And when they are away they fall back to the worst of themselves, belle bossy and ridiculous and despairing, jack angry and complacent and criminal. It is only for her that he fights and rages, it is only under his hands that she allows herself vulnerability. Actually no, they both learn vulnerability with eachother. He never knew love before her. But even with them she is taking mostly he is giving, mostly. All. In all? It's just great writing, but devastating characterization; how limited they are by their upbringing and status. What a show.

[auroraescritora]

SITTER'S LOVE - Nico!Babysitter, Percy!Teacher-father - Masterpost

Hi, how are you? As I promised, I'm here with a new story. I mean, it's not new, but I've never posted it here. However, I already have some chapters posted elsewhere, on Tapas and Patreon in portuguese, in their original versions. They're going to be short chapters, but I still wanted to share them with you, especially in case plagiarism shows up. (Someone came along with a sad story trying to use my story and my words, you know? So I'll bring other stories here too, for documentation purposes)

We have a portuguese verson too. Right here.

This story started because I wanted to tackle something different, something very cliché, something quick that turned out to be longer and more in-depth than I wanted (I was trying to overcome the blockage of another story). Sometimes the life story of the characters speaks louder, and so the story was born. A father who's trying his best and a boy who's scraping together money to get into a top college.

As always, the characters are very OOC, quite out of character with the canon, although I've tried to keep their essence. So, consider the story more of an original than a fanfic. I decided to focus on character and world building that sounded realistic. I thought about how Percy would act and what his personality would be if he was raised in a strict and demanding way, among incredibly wealthy people and educated to be the CEO of one of the most important companies in one of the most important metropolises in the world. Nico, on the other hand, comes from a humble background, his father being involved with political figures in a small town just a few hours from the big city, raised to conform to whatever his father decided was right, but wanting more of life than to marry whoever his father told him, more than to conform to a small town life.

Basically, that's the premise of this story. Now, how these two people meet is the mystery that will soon turn into something more than pure attraction. So far I have two narrative arcs ready, the story currently at 95,000 words. There is no sex in the first 40,000 words, although there is some innuendo that sounded more interesting to me than the sex itself.

The first chapter is slightly slow, but I promise that from the second onwards things will get more interesting. The chapters are short because the monetization platform requires the chapters to be short, so I strutured the chapters this way. So every three parts would be what I usually put in a chapter. If you could read it and give me some honest feedback, I'd appreciate it. I'm thinking of deleting the entire first chapter, so your opinion might help me decide that.

Now, on to the official information:

I have two covers for this story, although I usually use the second one.

Synopsis: Okay, he told himself. Nothing personal. Sure. No big deal, just another job where Nico would stay for a few months, make some money and move on to the next job until he had enough for college. He took a few steps towards the door and climbed the few steps, these made of white and gray marble. Soon after, he rang the doorbell before his nerves got the better of him. Impatient and overcome by anxiety, Nico rang the doorbell again, pressing the button harder than he intended at the exact moment the door opened, revealing a tall man, almost seven feet tall, with messy black hair and intense green eyes that stared at him with disinterest. Okay, nothing personal.

Nico!Babysitter, Percy!Teacher-father

This is a story about a student who, in order to have money for college, becomes a babysitter, meets the children's father and develops feelings/lust for him. From then on, fantasies begin to emerge and everything becomes complicated between them.

Summary: Nico, a twenty-year-old boy, works to pay for college when he is fired from his current job. In search of another, he meets Percy Jackson, a businessman and university professor, the father of the children he will be taking care of for the next few months. From then on, Nico becomes more involved with the Jackson family than he expected.

Fandom Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan

Ship Nico di Angelo/Percy Jackson past Will Solace/Nico di Angelo

Personagens Percy Jackson Nico di Angelo Annabeth Chase Jason Grace Hazel Levesque Will Solace Hades Alice Jackson Logan Jackson

Tags Friendship Love Anguish Alternative universe Nico!Babysitter Percy!Teacher Original characters D/s elements Age difference

The first chapter will be out in a few minutes.

[mllemaenad]

Spent a bit of time redesigning Melissa, because I'm finally starting to learn a bit about her. Not a big difference – I didn't miraculously become adept with the character creator, but I'm working on it.

The broken horn is from infancy, when her adoptive mother had the bright idea of attempting to remove her newly adopted daughter's horns in the hope of better passing her off as human. In her mother's defence (in terms of logic, not morality; there's no defence of the latter), there's less difference between babies of any people than between full grown adults, and Mel's complexion was not quite so distinct then.

Her father intervened and prevented the loss of her second horn. It caused a significant rift in the family for a time. They reconciled eventually. It's ... complicated. Mel remembers none of this, of course; only that she's always been closer to her father than her mother. She doesn't think her mother would try to cut her horns off now ... but she's also not sure she completely understands why she was wrong to do it at all.

I desperately wanted horns with one broken, and the other with the same decorations she had before. But if there is one like that, I could not find it.

As a child, she was largely educated at home. Attempts to socialise were ... let's say not great. She has scars on her face and body from rocks thrown at her by other children during an ill-advised attempt to join in a game. So she turned out precocious and bookish. Little Melissa, working of whatever random old books her parents had, would tell people she was a Kossith, not a Qunari; Qunari was the religion. She was quite proud of knowing this, from some obscure and ancient military texts, when no one else did. Only much later, at the Circle, did she find out that the proper word was Vashoth.

And her magic ... oh, her magic. That should have been such a coup for her family! A daughter from a military household with magic! Instant status boost. Except ... she's Vashoth, and could barely walk the streets without getting mobbed by angry citizens, let along expect a promotion to high office.

She was educated at one of the smaller Circles, with little prestige, and can relate quite heavily to Neve: like her, she's a working class mage, who earns her living but using her skills. And she ended up with the Shadow Dragons at least in part because no one else would have her.

Elves suffer most from enslavement in Tevinter, undeniably – but she's very aware of how lucky she was, in her circumstances. Few Qunari children fall into Tevinter hands, but the outcome for those that do is not usually good. It gives her something concrete to fight for. And if it was a matter of necessity at first, she knows enough former slaves of all races now to believe the institution must be destroyed.

She's curious about her heritage, of course. She's curious about the Qun, too, but ... as a mage she's keenly aware that they would not want her. Not as she is. But she does read every scrap she can get. This business with the Antaam is infuriating for her: a lifetime of the regret that she can't investigate the culture of her birth because of her magic and now these idiots are in league with Blighted mages who call themselves gods? Are they kidding her?

Otherwise, she's a solid daughter of Minrathous: occasionally a little bit superior about her magic, nominally Chantry faithful but not hugely committed (she could submit a paper to her old Circle about the whole "the Blight didn't actually come from ancient magisters!" thing if her source wasn't "the weird elven trickster god who lives in my dreams"), absolutely certain that their food is better than everyone else's, really tired of hearing about the bullshit politics in the Magesterium.

"Rook" was initially just "rookie"; for a long time she was the newest member of the Shadow Dragons – at least the newest that lasted more than a week. It's changed over time, though. Although I haven't got all the details out of her yet.

We're going on a walk with Davrin and Assan now.

[247-diaperboy]

Posted by Lyrick Raccoon · February 07, 2021

How Common Is ABDL In The World?

ABDL's are in all careers, demographics and span the globe. ABDL is a large sub-community that has managed to cultivate families of normative acceptance around the lifestyle. So, then how common is ABDL in the world? Extremely common.

ABDL is VERY common! If you are ABDL you are far from alone.

Why haven't I heard of ABDL until now?

If you've heard of the term "forever young," you have likely thought to yourself that being younger generally has elements that held a much happier time. Maybe you've even told other kids to enjoy being young, as life tends to get more difficult and complicated. Regardless of the quality of upbringing, we often try and remember the good things and forget the bad. The same good elements make ageplay so popular as the lifestyle practice provides an opportunity to experience a safe, intimate, and care-free experience. The main reason you may have never heard of ABDL until now is that society as a whole doesn't understand the intricacy that ABDL is more like a spectrum of preferences rather than a one size fits all definition.

ABDL is often hidden because it is misunderstood or viewed as taboo, leading to social consequences (fear).

Many ABDLs go through a majority of their life without telling anyone they are ABDL. It hasn't been until the availability of information through the internet that more ABDLs connect on a large scale and find enough support to be more open about their ageplay tendencies.

Is someone I know and love ABDL?

It is reasonably possible you work with an ABDL, are friends with an ABDL, or even live with an ABDL (possibly even the parent of an ABDL). The feelings of being smol or into diapers is a significant stress reducer, and the diaper is many ABDL's drug of choice to lessen stress and anxiety, acting as a healthy coping mechanism. If you are a parent reading this, and you think your kid is ABDL, I'd encourage you to support them and know they can choose many ways to handle stress that is detrimental to their physical or mental health; the diaper is not a harmful method.

Likely, YES. Someone you know is ABDL.

A typical follow-up question to ask is, "If ABDL is such a big part of their life, will they ever tell me (their best friend) regression or diapers is something they enjoy?"

The short answer; It's hard to say. People will tell others more about themselves when they feel confident in who they are. Maybe they will someday, perhaps they won't.

Even best friends hold the information that they are into regression or diapers close to the chest as not everyone is as open-minded as they think they are. Discussion in public and private social circles regarding ABDL over the past 100 years has not held even the closest of relationships together after disclosure. It has ended many friendships and healthy relationships. "Why?"

Unfortunately, we live in a world that what people think matters more than who people are.

The world has a multi-billion dollar market of beauty and exercise products that reflect the chameleon approach to human connection as a result of human nature. We want to put our best selves forward, even at the cost of the authenticity of who we are, which is likely far more interesting and loveable.

Why would someone be ABDL if the world seems to dislike them?

The individuals who get the most airtime in the public sphere regarding ABDL's tend to be mostly the community's outliers. The goal of most television is to gain viewers, rather than to educate, unfortunately. 

As the saying goes with the media, "There is no news like bad news." For this reason, a large amount of the public is misinformed about ABDL and ageplay as a community. 

Universally, there are always rotten eggs in any group, but I'd argue that ABDL's have much richer and more authentic personal lives than the average relationship. You may ask, "Why is that?"

One of the most misunderstood advantages that ABDL's have regarding friendship forming and relationship storming is the diaper. This "silly object" to a non-ABDL is one of the keys that fast-tracks intimacy and trust between other ABDLs because of the nature and use of the diaper, explicitly referring to vulnerability. Vulnerability is also the reason ABDL's filter and chose their friendships and ABDL relationships carefully.

ABDLs tend to have a higher-quality relationship because ABDLs have a heightened innate understanding of emotional needs towards each other.

The primary reason for this next-level care is because ABDLs long-for and thrive for "care" themselves. The most significant advantage of ageplay towards relationships is that the practice of regression educates and enhances knowledge of nurturing and caregiving. This knowledge, which stands outside of judgment, can significantly enrich the ABDL's emotional connection and support within relationships (interpersonal or professional).

How would I let my closest friend know I support them as an ABDL?

The real question is, "why do you want to know?" or, "Are you interested and curious about the practice of ageplay?" Many people find their love of ageplay very young or in their early twenties due to many factors. Knowing about the ABDL tendencies of your best friend has nothing to do with whether they trust you. The beautiful part about relationships is that long-lasting relationships are built over time through the smallest of moments. If you happen to be close to an ABDL, they will eventually tell you if they feel safe, and your trust is unwavering over a long period.

Knowing if your friend is ABDL shouldn't have any bearing on your relationship's quality; if they feel comfortable in themselves, they will tell you; or maybe they won't.

In many cases, it is not safe for ABDLs to tell others as many parents or friends can see this as something that needs therapy even though the tendencies are healthy. Misunderstanding can lead to fear and many hurtful assumptions. It is for this reason many ABDL's keep their preferences safe within their own space. 

Chances are you know an ABDL. :D

So what's next? We encourage you to be more open-minded and to stay curious in a world of diversity. One of the best phrases that we overheard during an ageplay convention is that " Kind curiosity makes friends." We couldn't agree more!