#it's by the same author as mechanical buddy universe

[manga-and-stuff]

Next up: Tales of the Noble Race That Starts from a U-turn 2 Pages

By Katou Takuji

[forgottenvoice]

Hey guys this is a one off dive into the HASO stories. I set in the the amazing universe of @starr-fall-knight-rise, although because of the extreme aspects of the story it is definitely not where they are planning on taking this universe. Consider it a possible alternate ending of their masterpiece. Also holy cow this got way longer than expected. Dont expect a sequel this one was enough of a pain.

300 years had passed since humanity joined the GA and since then there has been an uneasy peace unknown to the humans. Sure there have been conflicts such as the drev and burg war, however the scale of these pale in comparison to what humans consider total war. The humans became a natural threat in the galaxy that no species wanted to fight against. Something was bound to happen eventually although this time it came from an unexpected source.

Some humans now were alive when they showed up. The karviks, they called themselves, were an interesting race. The humans bonded with them immediately because they were the first race to have an innate curiosity about them. They asked why to everything and then went to great lengths to figure it out. Unlike other species who only cared about advancement of knowledge in things directly related to their survival, the karviks wanted to know for the sake of knowing. This made them much like the humans, the only difference is how they went about getting that knowledge. Whereas the humans would hurl themselves head long into the discovery, much to their own harm, the karviks being more fragile, deliberated and acted much more carefully. Theirs was the more sterilized version of the human drive to know.

They fit right in with the humans, and together they were able to advance galactic society 10 fold. However, as part of the karviks entrance into the GA they wanted to know about all its members. They were directed to study the races other than the humans first for simplicities sake. Eventually though, after 50ish years of being in the GA they turned their sights on the humans. It took them nearly 20 years of dedicated study to mostly figure out the intricacies of the human race and culture, and though they carried on as normal what they saw terrified them to their core. They secretly talked with other races about the nature of humans, and though they all assured the karviks that humans really were not that bad once you got to know them, there was no convincing them.

As the years went on the karviks became more and more distant. The GA assumed they would just retreat back to their home world unable to adjust to life in the GA as so many other species had. And for 10 years they lay largely forgotten. The humans were mildly annoying and upset over losing their favorite research buddies, however they eventually coped. It was during this time that we can only assume they obtained the long discarded and ancient work of a disgraced gib scientist about the god trapped within the soul of humans. This is where the galaxy took a turn for the worse.

It was an average year in the GA when suddenly contact was lost with a few exclusively human colonies. When military patrols showed up they found what was left of the colonies dieing and unable to be helped. It appeared as if a new disease had be brought against humanity. However, no suspicion was cast on anyone as disease was common among the humans. Although this appeared more lethal than anything before it there was a great cause for alarm as these two colonies traded heavily with each other and were on largely unwxplored worlds, who knew what was out there that could hurt a human.Much testing was done and thankfully it was discovered that only humans could catch it. Life carried on as normal until the next wave of contagion.

This next batch hit all the remaining outer colonies nearly simultaneously. It moved fast and killed only slightly slower. Upon examination the disease seemed to have mutated to an even more lethal form. However something was unnatural with its mutation. It suggested manual manipulation not merely the product of nature. This is when suspicion began to be cast. It was decided that for the time being everyone was a suspect. Much to the disapproval of the GA the humans enacted a universe wide recall of all humans who were not on a human colony or earth an moved all aliens off world. In what seemed almost a reinforcing move the virus began popping up on every non human world.

The work for a cure had begun in earnest at about this time and humans had cut all imports from the galaxy. The galatic economy collapse and in the ruble accusations arose. Each race was blaming the other for hostile acts against the humans and driving them from the assembly. It was all the GA could do the hold the galaxy together.

The karviks were notably quiet, and almost would have been successful in their plot against humanity if not for the luck of the humans.

In their 10 years since leaving the GA they had diverted all of their research into military power. It was something they had never done in history. Because of their nature war was an unheard of phenomenon on their planet. They had no conflict, not even minor resource struggles. They were always to busy wondering to even consider fighting, it would only hamper discovery. So when they needed to militarize they took all their inspiration from the most overkill warriors in the galaxy, humans. They had developed stealth ships that would be undetectable by humans not specifically looking for them, and they developed a super virus that would take the humans years the cure, not that they expected humans to live that long.

One fateful farmer named Jerome plinth would knowingly be one of the few reasons why humanity survived. He was working on his harvester when a large metal tube crashed down into his fields and began spewing a thick purple vapor. In his investigation he took several photos and sent them to the authorities. When investigators showed up to his property he had already passed and word was sent immediately to the UN. Around this same time a UNSC ship in orbit was conducting maintenance on their sensor package and had just started to check the system scanning all frequencies when a strange signal was intercepted. It was on a channel that had been discovered by a human-karvik research team and then classified for use only by the humans. This coupled with the unique manufacturing style on the tubes gave away the identity of the attacking party. Unfortunately this information would come to late for anyone on the inner colonies, as the karvicks warped into the orbits of all the remaining colonies at once. There was nothing left except for the shattered remains of planets struck by artificial meteors.

If there is one thing that humans are know for it is their ability to beat the odds and do the impossible. The virus that was designed in such a way as to be nearly impossible to find a cure for was cracked with the week. Revenge for the fallen can drive humans beyond what is though possible even to them. A vaccine was quickly distributed to the remaining humans, now only a quarter of what they once were. Plans for revenge moved though the upper leadership of the UNSC until a solution was found. The GA was notified of the plan however no permission was asked for, not that it would have been given. The GA was horrified by the lengths that humans would go to in war and had never seen anything so barbaric and yet elegant and poetic before. They briefly thought about trying to prevent the humans from acting but for fear of the humans turning on them decided to not interfere.

They humans prepared a final defensive fleet around earth in what appeared to be a last ditch effort against the inevitable finale assault by the karviks. When the assault came it came with a vengeance. The karvik fleet out numbered the humans at least 10 to 1. However the human fought hard, when the fighting dropped to the ground the humans deployed tactics not used since the end of their second world wars. Even with this barbarian fighting they were still losing and losing bad. Until out of nowhere the karvicks retreated. They plan had worked. Victory was won.

Unknown to the karvicks a single stealth vessel was sent to their home world. The humans inside gleefully released the canisters sending enough of the virus to wipe out 10 worlds. One of the first things done once the virus was cracked was to reverse it an make a strain 15 times worse than than released on the humans, one that spread fast and killed oh so slow, that was only compatible with the karvick. The GA watched on in horror as the humans totally eradicated the karvick race, sparing noone. They were once again for the first time in centuries reminded of the destructive power of the humans scorned.

After the war the humans cut themselves off from the galaxy, only occasionally sending messages to maintain knowledge on the GA and any scientific breakthroughs of the galaxy. The GA recovered and let the humans have their peace wanting them to cool down before once again stretching out amongst the stars.

On earth the humans were working. Under the guise of preventing another incident like they had just endured, they underwent forced evolution. The genetic code of every developing human was altered. In a single generation all genetic disease was permanently removed from humans and modifications were applied. Much of the inspiration came from the hero of a long dead video game about some destructive rings. The base human became so strong, tall, and powerful that not even the military prosthetic from the defunct steel eye suits could keep up with them. Humans also guy integrated themselves with technology, wiring a computer directly into their brain and replacing the lenses of their eyes to allow them to see in thermal, IT, and have a natural zoom mechanic. They became super soldiers, with titanium bones and a baseline strength 10 times higher than before. They decreased their reaction time to less than 10 milliseconds and and enhanced their lifespans significantly. Now the base human remained in their physical and mental prime for nearly 300 years only to rapidly degrade and die in 5. They removed the bodies ability to atrophy and develop fat deposits growing nearly 2 ft above the old average. They became the terrifying stuff or nightmare. However they elected to keep the personality of humans, never able to give up what makes them them. We dubbed ourselves the grown, and after 70 years of isolation most of the old have died out, leaving only us. Now all children are grown and it will continue this way forever. We evolved ourselves.

We sent our body modifications to the GA so they can update their records on humanity and will begin moving back into our home among the stars within the month. We look forward to having friendly duels with the drev and resuming our work with the vrul scientist soon. The tesriki can expected trade to reopened within the week. Despite the new bodies we, humanity, are still the same as we have always been in spirit and in personality. We look forward to rejoining the galaxy. We are sorry for they isolation but we needed to finish getting over a bad break up.

END TRASMISSION: HUMANITIES SPEECH REAGRDING ISOLATION AND PLANS OF REJOINING THE GALAXY

The GA members looked around the room at each other. "What...." the drev leader was the first to break the silence. None had any words after witnessing the speech. They all were thinking the same, if that is what happens when humanity is brought to its knees then it is best in future to keep them propted up.

"Do we even let them back in?" Queried one of the factions in the back of the room. "What choice do we have?" The drev leader countered.

They all continued to stare in silence and horror at the black screen before them. The unanimous agreement with the drev leader hanging in the room. It seemed best to avoid another bad break up with the humans.

[itmighthavebeenintentional]

Dear Mr. Fantasy

Summary: Sometimes when he sleeps, Dean sees flashes of other Dean Winchesters, in other universes. His dreams lately have been filled with himself in a thousand forms, a thousand different versions of what could have been. Dean likes to think that they’re made of the same star stuff, but whatever the cause, he feels the connection. 

Warnings: SEASON 15 SPOILERS, bit of angst. 

Author’s Note: Inspired by Traffic’s “Dear Mr. Fantasy” and the header image; prompt given by @thoughtslikeaminefield​. Love you. @cabin-fever-bang​ prompt fill. So many thanks to @cracksinthewalls​ and @there-must-be-a-lock​ for exceptional editing and motivation. Also love both of you.

Word Count: 2157

ItMightHaveBeenIntentional’s Masterlist

Dear Mr. Fantasy

Sometimes when he sleeps, Dean sees flashes of other Dean Winchesters, in other universes. His dreams lately have been filled with himself in a thousand forms, a thousand different versions of what could have been. Dean likes to think that they’re made of the same star stuff, but whatever the cause, he feels the connection. 

Some have been vastly different (he spent an entire day lost in thought about a female version of himself who was apparently a rodeo queen by day and monster hunter by night). 

Some are so similar that the lines between his actual self and the other blur to the point of confusion; is he dreaming about himself or a different Dean who made one different choice twenty years ago?

He can always tell the difference, eventually. A scar in the wrong place, an absent friend or loved one still around or maybe someone gone who shouldn’t be. In one universe, someone neglected Baby (couldn’t have been Dean, had to’ve been Sam) to the point where she pulls slightly to the left. 

Dean spends the morning after that dream with a muscle tick in his cheek and a suspicious, side-eyed glare for Sam that he never bothers to explain.

But there’s one particular Other Dean, a favorite one his mind drifts to during rare peaceful moments. Daydreaming when he should be researching, drifting off when a particular song plays on the radio while he’s working on Baby, even washing his hands sometimes will pull him back to those dreams. 

Unsurprisingly, his favorite alternate world has no monsters. It’s not that he isn’t aware of monsters in this dimension, that he doesn’t hunt them. No, in this other world, there’s no magic, no terrifying creatures of the night at all. He can feel the lightness of this world, steadiness that comes with not having to worry about whether a vampire is going to make this evening walk your last or a wendigo is going to join you on your camping trip.

Dean has a theory that this world was a test world, one where Chuck decided to just let things evolve as they would with very little interference. Humanity still has its issues: war, plague, famine, politics, streaming services that have lived long enough to become the villain. 

But no monsters.

Chuck has left this world more or less alone, and Dean is pretty sure he knows why. In God’s eyes, a world without monsters is stale. This alternate world is a world without supernatural conflict, without apocalypse-level struggle, without life and death and good and evil and all that high-stakes, cursed-destiny crap Chuck literally eats for breakfast.

Boring. This world is a snoozefest for Chuck, and Dean’s okay with that.

In fact, he loves it.

He’s been rooting for this world for a while now. He still dreams of it sometimes, so he knows somewhere deep inside that it’s still around. He knows all the worlds will be destroyed eventually, wiped away by Chuck’s callous cruelty. But this one…

Dean’s not the sentimental type, not really, but if he could send it a greeting card, it’d be that cat from years ago on the motivational poster, clawing onto a tree branch.

Hang in there, baby.

He must have done something right for once, because he drifts off and finds himself back there again. He’s a little older in this universe, and he suspects his other self is in denial about beginning to need glasses. A shame, too. A mechanic’s gotta be able to see what he’s doing, and the eyestrain headaches his other self suffers every night would probably clear up completely if he’d just go get his eyes checked.

But they both know he won’t. 

He sees better with his hands than his eyes these days. At forty-eight years old (none of that years young bullshit, either; he’s old, and he’s goddamn earned it), he’s spent his entire life in a garage working on one motor or another, same as his dad before him, and so on. 

It’s honest work, clean despite the grease, and Dean himself has used his own money to help put at least a couple of generations of little Winchesters through college or wherever their hearts took them, starting back with his brother. Dean and his dad both feel pride over Dr. Winchester, the history professor. Might not make as much as a mechanic, but he’s happy and settled, and really, what man could ask for more?

The best part of this Dean’s day, the best part of his whole life, is her. He’s known her for nearly three decades and loved her just as long. 

He was a twenty-year-old punk, learning his way through the art of motorcycles. He’d spent his life so far working on muscle cars, something he would never completely tire of, but now he was in absolute heaven. Dad’s buddy Danny Elkins had agreed to take Dean on, and Dean had taken to bikes like it was meant to be. 

Four months into his new life, Danny’s daughter brought her dad lunch, and, for the first time in his life, Dean wondered whether there might actually be a woman who could pull his attention from an engine for longer than a night or two. 

It was more or less instant attraction for the both of them, kinda like the movies that she loved to watch. Unlike those movies, however, there was no disapproving father to contend with or prove himself to.

“She’s a big girl and can crack your skull just as good as me,” he’d told Dean. “Pretty sure she’s settled on ya, so just make sure you’re worth it.”

So that’s what Dean did. 

Tonight’s dream finds the older Dean alone in the garage, and the sun is at the tail end of setting. Splashes of indigo and orange paint the horizon, framing her approach in a wash of colors blending into shadows that hold no danger.

“Figured you’d forget dinner tonight, what with your new toy. Thought we could share, and you could show me what you’ve been up to.” 

She doesn’t really care about the bikes, the cars, any of it. She only cares that it matters to him, and whatever keeps him running is something she wants to be a part of.

Surrounded by motorcycles in various states of repair and assembly, they speak quietly of their day, sharing the tiny details and separate moments that make up their simple life. She feeds him a bit of meatloaf with her fingers, and he eagerly returns the favor by sucking a smear of mashed potatoes from the corner of her mouth.

She sets the dinner containers aside, twisting to the side to reach for the apple cobbler she made yesterday, when he realizes he can’t stand even that bit of separation between. He’s been without her all day; that’s too much to ask of any man.

“C’mere,” he says.

Dessert forgotten, she settles astride his lap, arms linked around his neck, smiling that serene combination of lips and eyes and cheekbones that makes his heart twist and his groin swell same as the first time she turned them on him thirty-odd years ago. 

They’ve sat like this a thousand times, and he prays silently he’ll get at least a thousand more. When they were kids, crazy and hungry for every experience, she’d come into the garage in her little tank top, her tiny shorts showing off her new ink, heels fit to kill someone (how she never broke an ankle has always been a mystery and a miracle, in both Deans’ opinions).

She scrubs a thumb over his bearded jawline, humming deep in her chest. She’s swapped the tiny skirts for jeans, although he thanks his lucky stars every day that fashions have moved from bootcut back to skinny. Harder to get off quick, but damn does he love the lines of her legs in ‘em.

They press foreheads together as an old Traffic song plays over the radio, swaying gently, always in sync. 

“Dear Mr. Fantasy, play us a tune,” he half-whispers, half-sings, breath warm on her cool cheek.

“Something to make us all happy,” she answers in kind, eye closed. She slides her nose alongside his, runs her chin over his wiry beard, smiles into his kiss as it buffs her face red. 

Perhaps in remembrance of their long-past youth, she’s chosen her smallest tank-top, one she’d normally never wear without at least a button-up over it, and he drops his head to rub his cheeks over the bare skin over her collarbone. Her legs link behind his back, anchoring her as she leans back to allow him more access. 

God, what she can still do to him. The salt of her skin, the fragrance of her perfume that he picked out for her on their first anniversary that she’s worn religiously ever since, the silk of her hair that he tangles between fingers that still tremble with eager nerves.

Older Dean and worn-out, monster-plagued Dean sigh together, content down to their bones. This life is it for both of them. She is it. One Dean still can’t believe his amazing luck after all these years, and the other aches at the simple, total happiness he feels honored to witness.

“Dean.”

The older man runs a reverent hand down his wife’s arm, twining his fingers with hers. He kisses her knuckles, a few more crinkles lining his eyes as he smiles.

“Dean, wake up.”

The scene before him begins to fade as she takes his face between her hands, kisses his temples, the spot between his eyes, the corner of his mouth. For just a second, this Dean (the “real” Dean, as Chuck put it) feels those kisses, looks deep into her eyes and feels that warmth and light that she brings to the other man’s life. 

I love you, she whispers, and he allows himself to believe for one moment that she’s talking directly to him.

“Dean, come on, Cas has a lead.” Sam’s voice finally breaks the dream wide open, and Dean reluctantly opens his eyes. “We gotta go check it out. Get dressed.”

“Yeah.”

He sits up slowly, feeling each of his forty-one years with an ache that no longer surprises him. He swings his legs over the side of his bed, rests his elbows on his knees, and drops his face in his hands. If he concentrates hard enough, he can still feel her phantom caress, her thumb against his cheekbone, her lips on the corner of his.

I love you.

Dean scrubs at his face with hands that get a little older and a little more scarred every day. Warrior’s hands, a testament to his hunts and battles. If he squints a little (maybe he needs an eye exam, too) he can imagine they’re different sorts of scars: burns from hot engines, cuts and scrapes from tools and every-day hard work rather than knives and punches. 

He inhales, gathering strength, putting on his mental armor piece by piece. A knight, riding off to save the world from the devouring dragon. He reaches over and grabs his jeans, sliding them on and standing in a smooth motion that is accompanied by only one or two pops and cracks.

I love you.

Dean doesn’t know how this is all going to end. He knows how he won’t let it end: him against Sammy, to the death and all that biblical Cain and Abel crap. But beyond that, he’s going to fight to save his brother, all of his little patchwork family, because they’re all he has in this world. 

He wonders briefly if his other self’s wife exists in this world, or if she’s just an anomaly, a one-time figment of Chuck’s imagination. He’s pretty sure it’s the latter; a man can only get that lucky once in a thousand lifetimes, and that other Dean is that one in a thousand.

This Dean could search a lifetime and never find her. She’s already been found, and maybe, just maybe if he and Sam can get their act together and bring the final beatdown on Chuck in enough time, he can save her. He can’t have her, but he could save her world, leave her safe and happy with his other self.

“Let it be enough,” he says aloud, not sure if he’s coaxing himself or the universe. He says it again, one more time for luck. 

It has to be enough.

…

“Dear Mr. Fantasy” by Traffic

Dear Mister Fantasy, play us a tune,  Something to make us all happy. Do anything, take us out of this gloom.  Sing a song, play guitar,  Make it snappy.  You are the one who can make us all laugh,  But doing that you break out in tears.  Please don't be sad if it was a straight mind you had.  We wouldn't have known you all these years.

[autumnblogs]

Companion Piece 4: Reproduction

This was initially going to be a standard daily reading post, but I decided to turn it into a companion piece since it turned into a bit of an essay.

https://homestuck.com/story/1071

Time for another main theme; and actually, I would like to call it the main theme!

Homestuck is about reproduction.

Why did I wait for this panel to talk about it? The answer is that it’s one of three panels (at least - there might be more I’ve missed) that clue us in to the fact that the same thing is going on in each of the three situations where it appears.

Dave is the first victim. Tavros is the second victim. Jake is the third victim.

https://homestuck.com/story/1072

“thats really all there is to say on the matter.”

The code phrase that goes along with the imagery of our hero thrashed on the ground, messaging on their phone.

More after the break.

According to my reading, Homestuck is structured around a trio of relationships that take the form “Abusive Mentor -> Reluctant Student” where the pairs are respectively Bro -> Dave, Vriska -> Tavros, Dirk -> Jake.

It should be pretty obvious that reproduction in the biological sense is something that Homestuck Is About - Sburb, the main fixture of the webcomic’s mechanics is the reproductive cycle of universes, the way that reality propagates itself. Shipping is all over the place in Homestuck, and from Act 1 onward, characters are entertaining the possibility of relationships with one another as the author teases the audience with the possibility of any two particular characters getting together, before circumstances conspire to make them incompatible.

But Homestuck is about other kinds of reproduction too. Cultural reproduction, for example. As the guardians pass down rituals to their respective wards, as the Trolls’ dancestors communicate with them from across time through journals, treasure troves and the like, as the kids absorb pop cultural expectations about what it means to be men and women, the Culture that surrounds them is reproducing itself through them. They conform to the image of the times by adopting the symbols of mass media, and by playing out the rituals that define living in 2009.

Personal reproduction, too, exists in Homestuck as a microcosm of the large-scale cultural reproduction going on in the background radiation of the characters’ lives. Each of the abusive mentors is focused on transforming their desired ward into a copy of themselves. Bro tries to beat all of the softness out of Dave, and expects him to be interested in the same things that Bro is interested in. Vriska subjects Tavros to brutal physical and emotional violence because she sees him as weak and wants him to be strong - she wants him to be cruel and violent, more like her ideal of a strong troll. More like her image of herself as the ideal troll. Dirk spends an awful lot of time telling Jake that he needs to be more like Jane, telling Jane that she needs to be more like Jake, because the reality is that he wants both of them to be more like he is, and as Jake’s rough-housing “buddy” he denies him things that he needs to survive on the basis that they will be worthless to him unless he can seize them by way of violence.

In all three cases, the attempt to reproduce the self in the student serves not to empower them but to subordinate them to their mentor. Dave becomes traumatized and learns to hate and fear the sound of clanging and grinding metal, fear that he’s living under constant surveillance. Tavros becomes so incapable of dealing with stress and violence that he spends most of the second half of his session dreaming uselessly on Skaia. Jake becomes so afraid of touching another person that he decides that y’know? He’d rather just be alone for the rest of his life.

Reproduction is in the very fabric of Homestuck, all throughout the variety of instances that Doc Scratch will refer to later as Circumstantial Simultaneity. Certain poses are replicated between totally different characters as they have emotionally similar experiences that tie into the same core themes of the comic.

Certain phrases are repeated ad nauseam as the comic calls attention to its own recurring, recursive nature.

Each of the first three quarters of Homestuck - Acts 1-4, Acts 5-1 and 5-2, And Act 6 up through Game Over set up these three relationships, and once each one is set up, the rest of the comic is spent knocking it down, before the final quarter of the comic ultimately serves as the stage for each of the students to determine how they’re going to move beyond their abuse.

Because cycles of abuse are a kind of reproduction. There’s no easier way to turn a human being into an abuser than to subject them to abuse. And Homestuck seems to suggest that cycles of reproduction are frequently subverted into cycles of abuse. Any time reproduction is used for another reason than to build up, to beautify, to make something exist just so that it can exist - any time reproduction is used as a form of hegemony, to replicate one’s self instead of producing something new, it turns stagnant, and toxic.

There is no place in Paradox Space for stagnation, for trying to keep things the way that they are, for the preservation of particular images and particular forms the way that we remember them.. There is no place in Paradox space for immortality, the self-congratulatory, the masturbatory, the incestuous, the cancerous - for individual cells, or for individual selves to live forever, and keep copying themselves ad nauseam. Every living thing in Paradox Space is slated to die, because it’s how Paradox Space cleans up the old, and makes way for the new. Death and Birth are always intertwined. You can’t hold onto your Mom or your cat forever, Rose. You won’t live forever, Dave. You can’t watch Con Air the same way ever again, John. Your friendships have to come to an end some day, Jade. But every time something in Paradox Space dies, every time the act of reproduction takes place, it makes Paradox Space a richer, healthier place. The old is lost, but old things are recombined with one another, and diversify, leaving behind things that bear the hallmarks of the old, but are each special and different from the old, and from each other, in their own unique ways.

Reproduction, in the world of Homestuck, is an act that has to take place entirely for the benefit of the children, not for the benefit of the parents. Any time the reproducers use Reproduction as a tool by which to profit, to hegemonize, to immortalize themselves, it creates something that makes Paradox Space a weaker, sicker, frailer place.

[astrarche-x]

I read “Fangirl” by Rainbow Rowell after I finished 2 books I got for Christmas. It was staring at me from my sister’s shelf and I’ve heard something good about this book, Rowell is also quite famous YA author, so I decided to give it a try. 

It certainly didn’t match my expectations; in fact, my disappointment grew with every page and I grew tired of the heroine, Cath - an introverted first year college student and fanfic writer-  and other characters.

Why so?

- At first, I thought that snippets of Cath’s fanfics are a cool addition to the book, because it’s such a crucial part of this character, and I also thought that they will be somehow related to the events happening in-universe. But they weren’t! They didn’t help me as a reader to understand Cath, didn’t expand my understanding of the events of the plot, didn’t really give me any “story within a story” because they were so fragmented (I know there is a whole book about Simon Snow, but that’s not relevant now, is it?) and I already felt like I knew Cath’s writing style after like 3 examples, so idk why there were so many.

- I felt like the characters don’t develop at all. And what’s the point of the story if it’s not character development? In the end of the book, the only thing different from the starting point is the fact that the heroine has a boyfriend. She isn’t more open, she’s still talking to like 2-3 people (and writing is not like a movie, adding a character doesn’t cost you money, right?) and it’s not like those relationships change a lot. Cath and her roommate Reagan? They form a bond in the middle part of the book and it stays the same. Wren, Cath’s twin sister? They lose contact during the plot and Wren has a new friend to prove she’s a separate person, but eventually they make amends and sisters are together again. The other friend disappears. No big talk about being separate people but still needing each other, no reflecting on that in any way; they make amends and then Wren is just there, spending a lot of time with Cath like her own life never happened. Relationship with dad and mum? Stays the same, even though they were written in a way that suggests big plot points.

- Levi, Cath’s boyfriend. He doesn’t have an inner life. He’s just a smiling, nice guy with learning difficulties. But Cath can always feel safe with him and count on him; honestly, how is he different from her ex? Also some can say that Cath and Levi were cute tohether and they kind of were, but for me it was too much sugar and when their relationship became the focal point of the plot I couldn’t take it anymore. How many times a writer can describe the same physical features with exactly the same words? Like yeah, we get it, the character is in love, change the subject.

(Also his attempts at unneccessary chivalry... ugh. Not cute).

- Nick from the library. He was actually the guy I was shipping Cath with (and myself as well, if I had the chance). They had so much chemistry! But it was also strongly hinted at that he won’t be the endgame; in fact, I don’t really see the point of his existence as a character. He’s Cath’s crush, but after he stops playing this role, he’s mentioned only twice and then dropped completely. But the point of him being the crush and the writing buddy/rival is not even relevant! It’s not reflected in Cath in any way except that she’s a bit sad.

- Cath doesn’t develop as a writer. Actually, after reading a few sentences about how writing is so important for Cath etc, I thought that I would see more of her as a writer, but mostly it looks like “...and she wrote 5000 words that night”. No description of creative process. Talk about how her life influences her writing: 2 times (at the end of the book). Pressure from readers who? I don’t know her. Also I was really surprised that she said “I only ever want to write fanfiction, I want nothing of my own!” - like... who would say that? Sure, they are people who just write fanfiction as a hobby, but there are others who start with fanfic and then create their own stories, so if Cath is an established fanfic writer and went on to study English lit and take creative writing class, then having her say something like this sounds super fake. 

- Cath herself was a boring protagonist. And I’m not saying this because she was an introvert. Lots of introverts make interesting protagonists; take, for example, Offred from The Handmaid’s tale. Cath is boring not only because she literally sits in her room and cries for like half of the book (giving me Rodion Raskolnikov vibes and he annoyed me like hell), but also because so little of her inner life is described in detail. Like, c’mon, I’ve opened this book, I want to know what’s going on in her head. But instead of paragraphs of her thoughts, we are only given a sentence, maybe two or three. And one of them sounds often like “she thought about all the reasons she had to dislike their mother” but then none of said reasons is listed, making this sentence effectively worthless. Very often Cath’s remarks about other people are repeated; I don’t even want to count how many times she noticed that Levi smiled a lot. And then she noticed noticing it; and then she noticed him smiling even more times. Seriously that’s his only feature? (That and his hair). Because this makes the heroine very unobservant; I don’t want to look at the world through her eyes, because it’s nothing there to see. 

- Cath as a (titular) fangirl: she doesn’t really interact with the fandom during the course of the actions in other way than writing and that’s... unusual? Who limits themselves to only one form of fan content? I know she had merch and fanart, but she doesn’t interact with other fans (except for her sister and a random stranger). She also mentions having internet friends at the very beginning, which I assume would be very likely for a fanfic author of her status. Then her roommate says “internet friends are not real” (yes. literally.) and Cath’s internet friends are not mentioned again, because, you know, internet friends are irrelevant to your real life. Generally this book makes it look like belonging to a fandom was about the merch you own and maybe writing your fanfic, if that’s what you use as a coping mechanism for real life. No talk of reading other fanfics, visiting sites like Tumblr or other blogs, no interaction with other fans, no conventions, stuff like this. It made fandom look like something for sad and lonely people, and while it kind of is, it’s also a source of joy and satisfacton for many; in Cath’s case, I only saw it as a straw to which a drowning man clutches. 

(Also I found it kinda weird that sex in this book is like Schrodinger’s cat: existent and nonexistent at the same time. Does Cath write erotic scenes? I guess. Is it adressed? Yes. And then immediately dismissed in order not to talk about it. She also wants it and doesn’t want it at the same time, which is fine irl, but confusing in a book, especially when she doesn’t reflect at that confusion much). 

I thought I will see in Cath a glimpse of myself - first year of uni was also stressful for me (even though I’m certainly not an internet-famous writer). But she was almost extremely unrelatable. And then I started comparing “Fangirl”  with “Loveless” by Alice Oseman, which has very similar setting - first year, loneliness, outgoing roommate, introverted protagonist having trouble opening up, breaking of a sisterly bond, fanfiction (even though Georgia, the protagonist, only reads it). I’d recommend “Loveless” a lot more. You won’t get much talk of the writing process, but hey, you weren’t getting it anyway. You will be given queer characters instead.

My final thought was that I’m probably just too old for “Fangirl”. That it was written for 17-year-olds who are anxious about going to college. But my sister is 17-year-old who is anxious about going to university and she didn’t like this book either (this post is brought to you by our displeased brainstorming last night), so it’s probably just bad, shallow writing. 

[waywardodysseys]

Resigned to Fate

Warnings: cussing, violence, blood

Word count: 1k

Author’s note: never written for the Star Wars universe before, but with The Mandalorian – why not give it a try (feedback appreciated)

You notice the Mandalorian walk into the tavern you were sitting in. People and creatures stopped what they were doing to take in the lone bounty hunter, dressed in full gear which included his helmet and array of weapons he had on him.    

             All eyes on him as he walked to the bar and set down currency. The bartender filled a glass of frothy liquid and placed it in front of him. People went back to their business, most minds wondering why he of all people would order a drink. The Mandalorian was not one to take off his helmet for anyone.

           “Hey. Mando!” Came a gruff voice from the opposite side of the tavern. “You don’t belong here.”

           You watched as the well armored bounty hunter traced his fingers along the glass. You wondered if he was tempted to take off the helmet, show his face to this crowd of degenerates, and take a drink of the liquid. The man from across the tavern walked forward.

           The man was rough around the edges. His clothes were a mess. His blonde hair was disarrayed and shaggy. A beard of the same color covered his average looking face.

           “Did you not hear me Mando?” His voice was slithery like a snake. “You. Don’t belong here.”

           The man walked towards the bar, placed his hand on the Mandalorian’s shoulder.

           Wrong move buddy, you thought as the Mandalorian jumped up, grabbed the dude’s arm, and then slammed his upper body against the bar.

           “For fuck sake’s Mando!” The barkeep steamed.

           The Mandalorian reached into a pocket somewhere on his body armor and pulled out a puck. He tapped the thing once and a hologram of the man against the bar’s face popped up. The man under the grasp of the bounty hunter groaned.

           “Who sent you?” The man asked.

           The Mandalorian was quiet as he grasped the man’s hands behind his back and used the cuffs to lock his hands together. While this was happening a group of men made a single line from the door to the bar. They didn’t want the bounty hunter to leave with their friend.

           The masked Mandalorian turned and faced the line of men. “Move.” His voice was deep and rich, almost mechanical.

           The first man, a tall giant, crossed his arms. He looked mean, looked serious. He shook his head.

           “Move.” The Mandalorian repeated.

           The giant shook his head again.

           You knew the Mandalorian was out numbered. You took the last sip of your drink and placed the shot glass on your table. As you stood and placed the hood of your jacket on your head the Mandalorian pushed his mark aside and pulled out his blaster, firing at the giant. He then made mincemeat of the next two men in line. The last two men surrounded him with blasters in both of their meaty hands.

           “Look who’s trapped now.” One of them said with a snarky laugh. “Mando doesn’t belong!” He smiled widely, most of his teeth missing.

           You grimaced as you pulled your sword from its casing on your back. With one full movement you cleanly cut through his forearms. His mouth was agape as you bring the sword parallel to the floor and cut through his body.

           “Goddamn it!” The barkeep yelled.

           The Mandalorian turned around and blasted the other man who was staring with his mouth wide open at what he had just witnessed. The line of men were now on the floor, pools of blood flowing from their bodies.

           As the bounty hunter grabs his mark, you flip the barkeep a couple of coins and disappear through the back of the tavern. You walk through the sunlit alleyways of the back wood town you had been calling home for the last few months on the planet you landed on in the middle of the night. You had been on the run from the Empire for years now, living in the outer rim of the galaxy far from the limelight of your previous life. No one had found you and you intended to keep it that way.

           You were a killer, an assassin for the Empire. You had been through the entire galaxy multiple times and knew the outer rim was a hub for refugees of the Empire, and for the people who wanted to escape from their old lives and start anew.

           You placed your sword back in its casing after wiping it off on a random cloth as you make your way through the town. Halfway through the town you notice the Mandalorian escorting his mark towards his ship.

           The silver vessel stood out, even though it was in the middle of nowhere. The Razor Crest was a pre-Empire ship. You had flown one when you were younger. You wondered where he was going, wondered what was aboard, who else could be aboard. You stepped out of the shadows. No one noticed you, no one noticed the Mando walking onto his ship with his bounty.

           You were inches from the opened door when two prongs were shoved in your face. You held your hands up in surrender then looked up at the weapon. You noticed it was a Cycler rifle but it had been modified with a large two pronged fork on the end. You knew it would shoot a bolt of electricity though your body if the Mando pulled the trigger. It would subdue you but not kill you, unless he plunged the prong fork into your body.

           “Gedet’ye,” you simply say.

           The bounty hunter freezes, lowers his weapon. He hasn’t heard his native tongue in ages.

           You now have the advantage to take the Mandalorian but you decide against it. You take a few steps back, keeping your eyes on his armored body. You lower your hands as you say,  “enjoy your journey. Beroya.”

           Minutes later you hear the engines roar to life on his Razor Crest. You look up and smile, knowing you will see him again.

Chapter Two

[thesouthernpansy]

sacred geometry (5/?)

stanford pines/bill cipher

ford arrived at backupsmore university ready to put his head down and get lost in his classwork. his new roommate seemed to have come prepared to haul him back out, again.

that, and eat uncooked blocks of ramen.

somehow, that isn’t even the weirdest thing happening on campus, and the prospect of strange new mysteries and stranger new friends has ford feeling almost glad to be here.

it’s a college au, let’s crack some books

(here on ao3)

Observable time seems to contract around Ford through the course of his cursory morning routine, the necessary human inanities stretching out dim and red and slow like light on the lip of a black hole. Ford's thoughts spaghettify desperately around it, spinning away into stringy, unrecognizable particulate. He scratches shampoo into his scalp and tries to let that speak louder than the event horizon of the buzzing in his ears.

In the end, somehow, Ford still makes it to his first class of the day with seconds to spare. Fiddleford has a seat saved for him, but there isn't time to give him more than a grateful nod before the professor arrives.

“Late night?” Fiddleford asks under his breath, brows raised. There's a very specific innocence to his tone that gets Ford's hackles up immediately.

“I overslept,” he snaps in response, neither confirming nor denying Fiddleford's insinuations, which goes unnoticed by neither of them.

Fiddleford makes a little noise of assent, like he understands, and lets the matter drop.

Thankfully, even afterwards he has no opportunity to grill Ford on his assumptions. His next class is one clear across campus that he always rather literally needs to run to, some elective he's been cagey about since the beginning of the semester, and it isn't that Ford doesn't want to know what it is, but every time it comes up he gets the impression that Fiddleford wouldn't actually tell him even if he did ask, which puts a cold unexpected damper on his curiosity. The weight of the mutual unspoken hangs over their parting like guilt.

Ford doesn't have time for that; he has Intermediate Newtonian Mechanics in twenty minutes. It's Obscure Linear Algebra after that, then a meeting with Professor Neilson, then a sprint back to his dorm room to retrieve supplies for the tutoring session he'd forgotten about promising to one of last semester's TAs. All the while Ford feels out-of-focus, like he's watching himself through a pair of cloudy poorly-cut lenses. Professor Neilson suggests he cut back a little on his independent studies and get some more sleep; the TA asks if he's “hungover or something”. Ford tries and fails and tries again not to think about the circumstances of his morning, his patience and concentration hapless casualties in the fruitless mental crossfire that ensues.

By the time he makes it to Warbleheim, Ford is nursing an oppressive headache and half a dozen very credible reasons why he has to bow out of the evening's plans. Bill is already out front, mid-conversation with two figures that Ford doesn't recognize. He looks over as Ford approaches, the flat line of his mouth deepening for just a flash before it breaks open into a grin.

“Well, well, well, speak of what the cat dragged in! That punctuality of yours is no joke, huh, Fordsy?”

“Did I come at a bad time?” Ford notes now the tension he's walked into, the hunched, scolded postures of Bill's friends.

“You came exactly when you were supposed to,” says Bill tightly. “We're the ones running long here, right, guys?”

Bill's friends nod sheepishly, glancing between themselves and back to Bill again.

“Sorry,” says one of them finally, knuckling the side of what sounds like a very congested nose. He's bowlegged and stocky and somehow gives off the impression of having an underbite and overbite at the same time. The other stoops over him anxiously with his hands pressed together, broad boney face marred by a grimace and a large port-wine birthmark on an even larger forehead.

“Sorry doesn't help us, does it, Teeth?” asks Bill pleasantly. Not waiting for an answer, he turns to take Ford's arm and pull him closer. “Fordsy, these party animals are Teeth and Keyhole; boys, say hi to my good friend Stanford Pines.”

The two muster a meek “Hi” in obedient response.

“It's, uh, a pleasure to meet you,” says Ford, feeling awkward.

“We've heard a lot about you,” says Teeth gamely.

“Oh? I, uh,” says Ford lamely, because what comes immediately to mind is “I haven't heard anything about you,” and even he can tell that sounds hostile, gloating and jealous and by all accounts wholly uncalled for. The urge is still there, though, worsening as Keyhole looks him up and down like he's a toddler on the verge of a tantrum.

“I still think you should take one of us with you.” Keyhole jabs his chin in Bill's direction, stuffs his fists down into the front pockets of his hooded sweatshirt.

Bill leans forward to pat Keyhole firmly on the cheek, teeth bared. “Buck up, there, buddy! Jealousy's ugly, and you don't need any help on that front.”

From this angle all Ford can see of Bill's face is the taut set of his jaw. Keyhole looks up at him miserably, for all their being at a relative height with one another. Bill cocks his head to one side, holds out his hand, and waits.

Reluctantly, Keyhole pulls one fist out of his pocket and opens it. A soft clink, and a cluttered ring of keys plunks into Bill's waiting palm.

“Ha! That wasn't so hard, now, was it? You'd think I was asking for your bones or something, jeez.” Bill gives the keys an enthusiastic jingle in his friends' direction. “All right, boys, you scamper on home, now, Fordsy and I will take it from here.”

Teeth sticks an elbow in Keyhole's side, and the two exchange a glance. After a beat, Keyhole shrugs and shakes his head.

“Sure, see you later, Bill.”

“Good luck,” Teeth adds.

“Luck is for suckers!” replies Bill brightly.

“It was nice to meet you,” says Ford.

Before either of them can respond, Bill leans into the space between them, tugs at Ford's tie. “You'll meet again, IQ, time's a ticking!”

Ford gives a final wave and follows where Bill leads.

They end up at the back entrance by the concert hall's loading dock. Humming, Bill flips through his newly acquired keys to one that's been marked with a piece of gaffer's tape; the lock clicks in compliance, and the door opens into the dark maze of Warbleheim's backstage. Stacked risers and scrap plywood rest along the far wall by the stage manager's desk, itself cluttered with the nubs of old pencils and playbills weighted down by a bulky black plastic headset. Around them loom the ceiling-high cages protecting the valuable AV and recording equipment the hall lends out across campus, microphones and reel-to-reels and plastic-wrapped wheels of tape, video cameras and thick snakes of cable and the treacherous, loose-wheeled carts meant to transport the lot, somehow, safe and whole to its destination.

For how alien it seems in the quiet dark, Ford isn't unfamiliar with the space; Fiddleford puts a little extra in his pockets every now and then on the back of Backupsmore's collection of outdated tech, and Warbleheim's lighting systems in particular are reliable only in their schedulistic breakdowns. Ford has tagged along on a few of Fiddleford's trips to repair the deteriorating rigs, and even come out here in his friend's stead, once or twice. Last time it had been during a piano major's midterm presentation, which had been cut short by an implosion in the balcony speaker system. No one had bothered questioning his identity when he showed up, and Ford had spent the afternoon crouched overhead while the performance resumed. Even if the music hadn't been terribly memorable, Ford had found himself impressed by the instrument itself, an unexpectedly beautiful black baby grand that Warbleheim's bored-looking techs had swaddled in a padded covering and wheeled away immediately afterwards.

Is that why they're here? Why Bill had wanted to make sure they came alone? Maybe if you're good I'll play for you sometime, he remembers with a rush of heat. Ford thinks of the two of them out on the stage or tucked into a cramped storage room, shoulder to shoulder on a single piano bench, Bill's fingers on the keys, on Ford's wrist, under the sleeve—

“I know what you're thinking,” Bill says, and Ford's throat clamps shut.

“You do?”

“Mm-hmm!” Bill stoops to rustle though a battered cardboard box, pulling out a single light-bulb, which he waves in Ford's direction. It tinkles lightly, clearly blown out. “And you're right, Fordsy, why would I bring you all this way just for a game of chess?”

“Atmosphere?” suggests Ford, trying not to think about it.

Bill smirks, glancing sideways at Ford in a way that...doesn't help.

“'Atmosphere', he says. Joke away, you're gonna need that sense of humor in a second cos oh boy, do I have some devastating news for you. You ready?”

“What are you talking about?” Dread and curiosity rise in equal measure at the back of Ford's throat.

By now their route has brought them to another locked door, heavy-looking metal with a faded plaque bolted to it.

No Admittance Beyond This Point – Authorized Employees Only

Bill grins. “We,” he says, swiftly unlocking the door and pushing it open to an unlit stairwell. “aren't here to play chess.”

Ford hesitates. “What are we here to do?”

Bill tugs his jacket sleeve, reeling him onward. “C'mon, trust me!”

The stairs go down into a series of dim concrete tunnels below the concert hall. Thin rusted pipes run the length of the walls, hissing steam at their joints. Every now and then they pass rooms that appear to be intended for maintenance or long-term storage; the massive grey cylinders and copper pipes of Warbleheim's boiler system, thick stonelike slabs of block insulation, tangled heaps of music stands, the gutted carcass of an old spotlight. Eventually the rooms become rarer, their contents stranger; huge panes of leaded stained glass, shelves lined with jars of murky yellowish liquid, torn slips of paper that upon closer inspection turn out to be playing cards, just the joker, taken from hundreds of different decks of various shapes, colors, and languages. Before them the tunnels stretch on, but Ford is convinced he and Bill must be well past the footprint of the building they'd started in by now.

“What is all this?” he asks finally. “How far do these tunnels go?”

“Farther than you'd think,” replies Bill.

“Do they go across campus? Is this, do they connect to other buildings?”

“Two other buildings,” confirms Bill meaningfully, jangling the light-bulb he's still carrying for emphasis.

Understanding hits Ford square in the chest. “Beta Delta Theta and the financial aid office.”

“And that's a bingo for the man in the front row!”

“You found, I, this is incredible, do the tunnels follow the exact trajectory of the ley lines?” The confirmation sings through his veins, he has to—he needs his journal, where's his map? “Does this mean the founders of Backupsmore knew about them when this place was built? Or, the walls changed from concrete to stone three turns back, did you see that? Were parts of the tunnels were already here? Were the founders somehow influenced by the energy in the area to build here?” He shakes out the map, scrawls several quick notes in his journal's key.

Bill laughs. “Slow down, IQ, you're gonna pull something in that big brain of yours.”

The momentum of Ford's joyful excitement all but deafens him to the statement. “How many times have you been down here? How much have you explored? Would you describe anything you've seen as 'illustratively unusual'?”

“You really are a force of nature, huh, Fordsy. Let's see!” Bill ticks off on his fingers, “Twice, not including today, as much as I could get into, and I'm trying to show you.”

“As much as you could get to, are there parts of the tunnels that are inaccessible? Are they blocked off, or collapsed? Have you, wait.” Bill's words finally sink in, and Ford pauses. “Trying to show me what?”

“What we're here to do.” The duh is unspoken. “And we're close, now.”

Ford stands slowly, gathering his papers, unable to take his eyes off Bill. He thinks, with an abrupt, exhilarated sort of acceptance, that he wants nothing more right now than to hold Bill's hand and run.

“Okay,” he says.

They go.

[lia-jones]

Growing Stronger - Chapter One - Andrea’s Breakup Recovery Guide

Author’s note: Yay, part two! Posting chapters as fast as I can, because stuff is coming and you don’t want to miss (I hope so!).

In pretty much every magazine for women or teenagers, one is destined to come across something along the subject of breakups and how to recover from them. A paraphernalia of advice on what you should do, like reinvent yourself, cut communication, get hammered. I used to laugh when I read such articles, I felt so above it. Well, it turns out, I wasn’t. I was just never so broken-hearted before.

Breaking up with Victor was one of the hardest things I had done in my life, to be honest. The pain I felt could easily compare with the pain of being a victim of domestic abuse, if not worse. By the time things ended with Daniel, I wasn’t in love with him. It was a huge relief to get rid of him. But I was still very much in love with Victor. And losing him was like losing a lung, it made it so much harder to breathe.

I looked at my phone countless times, hoping he would text, or wanting to call him. I imagined myself meeting him by accident on the street, or the supermarket, the window for reconciliation opening, us together again, and hopefully, happily ever after. I ran all these scenarios in my mind, painfully remembering how good it felt to have his hands on my skin, his lips, his warmth. I laughed again at all the jokes he told me, because Victor could look cold and mechanic, but he was actually very witty and funny when he felt more at ease. And I recalled every single line of our fight, and always came to the same conclusion: our relationship was the perfect storm, and we were better apart than together.

We didn’t break up for no reason, and even though I was obviously wearing breakup rose-colored glasses, the truth was painstakingly evident. We had problems. Lots of them. Thanks to his fame I would never have a private life again, and despite our best efforts to keep the media quiet, God only knew when they would remember to revisit my abuse, or interview someone in my family, and how that would affect my work. And despite his apparent wish in wanting me in his life, I had to conclude I never was truly in his life. He hid things from me. Important things. There were years of Victor I did not know, and he was not willing to share. Huge red flag. Apart from that, I didn’t seem to be a good fit in his life either. His father disapproved of our relationship and was very clear about it. Victor’s relationship with his father wasn’t very good to begin with, sure, and it seemed that nothing that Victor ever did was good enough for his father, but still… His father was his family. People we would have to have some connection to over the years, and starting on a sour note was very dangerous, and a prelude for more problems.

And then there was another seldomly discussed but extremely painful reason: I was infertile. I was able to overcome every single thing Daniel had done to me but this. And this was huge. Should Victor be with me, I would be depriving him of something that could mean a lot to him. Even if he accepted it at first, he would eventually want a child of his own, with his features, his DNA… and he wouldn’t be able to do it with me. He wouldn’t leave me for that, he was a “thick and thin” kind of guy, so he would slowly start to resent me instead. We would end up an unhappy bitter couple. I didn’t want to do that to myself, but most of all, Victor did not deserve it. I didn’t want to be the one making him go through so much hardship.

So I decided to keep looking at my phone, put my breakup in my It’s for the best mental drawer, and focus on learning to live without him. I must confess, if my endless nights crying while gulping Ben&Jerry’s were any indicator, I didn’t start my healing process very well. I was still sad and starting to gain some weight, and none of that was helpful. So, remembering the articles I used to read about breakups, and that concluding steps like getting myself hammered and writing bitter letters were as helpful to me as crying and ice cream, I decided to create a list of my own.

Working hard was always a good distraction, so I decided I would start with that. The less time I had left to think about Victor, the better, so I took as much work as I could, leaving only a few hours out for sleep and socializing. I restarted my Krav Maga lessons and actually added some more exercise to burn the ice cream calories off. Levi immediately offered himself to be my exercise buddy, so I wouldn’t even have the time to think about Victor when I ran, which would also be a very good thing.

Those magazine articles always spoke of some kind of reinvention, and although I didn’t want to be drastic, I could use a haircut. I cut my curls in a shoulder-length angled bob, and did some blond ombre highlights to compliment my hair color. I decided to get some new clothes as well. Since my position at the university didn’t require business clothes, I decided it wouldn’t hurt to add some casual clothes, like jeans and more flowy tops. Maybe those cute sneakers I saw at that shop that day.

Bottling up my emotions was not a good idea, so I figured I should find some kind of outlet for them. Writing bitter letters was not a viable option, and Victor did not deserve them, so I settled for music instead. I missed my piano, and always thought about buying one if I truly settled in Loveland. Now I could afford it, I was working at the University and making good money. After thoughtful consideration and what I considered a true real-life Tetris experience, I finally managed to rearrange my furniture and make space for a digital piano. I would express my feelings through playing, maybe write a few songs of my own.

Needless to say, none of my friends or family took the news of the breakup very well, although I never shared the details of it with anyone. My mom, of course, tried to find out more and offer me some unwarranted therapy, but just ended up saying that, despite thinking I had made a big mistake, she wished me well and only wanted me to be happy. My father, my brother and Cristina were disappointed too. Apparently, Victor had made a bigger impression than I thought.

I remained close to Diane and Goldman, although I couldn’t discuss the breakup with them either. Diane was adamant on us meeting at least once a week for lunch, and clearly was not accepting the breakup, always hinting we would end up together again. I tried my best to steer clear off the topic, talking about her and Goldman instead, or something work-related. Surprisingly, in one of those mandatory outings, she seemed to have no intention to mention Victor.

“You are a terrible friend, you know.” Diane declared, sipping on her orange juice.

“I would ask why, but I’m pretty sure you are going to tell me.” I teased her.

“Well, I’ve been waving my hand like crazy for the last 30 minutes and you didn’t even notice what I have on my finger!” She almost yelled, excited. “I mean, it’s no use wearing an engagement ring if it doesn’t make your friends jealous!”

Yup. There it was. A lovely golden band with a considerably sized diamond in it. I gasped.

“Goldman proposed?!?!? When?”

“Last weekend.” She smiled, dreamily. “He took us to the restaurant we went to on our very first date, that Italian cute one? He hid the ring in the tiramisu.”

“That sounds really dangerous.” I laughed. “One of you would’ve had a surprise that night. Maybe a trip to the hospital.”

“Oh, just say it, you’re jealous.” She gave me a sly smile. “All you have to do is to stop that breakup nonsense, so we can pick wedding dresses together!”

“Whoa, Bridezilla! Hold your horses!” I laughed, starting to get a bit tense. “Even if Victor and I were together, which you know we are not, there would be no guarantee of him popping the question any time soon.”

“I feel so sad to hear that.” Diane almost pouted. “Was the breakup that bad? No going back? At all? You never say anything!”

“First of all, your fiancé works with my ex, so… And besides, how rude would it be of me to go around trashing my ex after breaking up with him? Victor doesn’t deserve it, he is a great guy. It’s not right to just go out disclosing facts about our intimacy because I was part of it.”

“Most girls would just badmouth the ex.” Diane frowned.

“Most girls didn’t date Victor Lee.” I shrugged.

“The upside is, if you are adamant in protecting him, it may be salvageable after all. He’s been really moody these days.” Diane continued to push the issue, sounding worried. I quickly brushed it off.

“When is he not?” I shrugged. “It’s Victor.”

“When he was with you.” Diane smiled. “Andrea, he’s hurting. He’s been sad, and reclusive, burying himself in work.”

It didn’t surprise me to know I wasn’t the only one using work as a distraction.

“Breakups are hard, Diane. He’s not the only one hurting. I won’t say much, but I will give you this. It was for the best, for both of us. It hurts now, but we will move on. I moved on from Daniel, he moved on from Mia. We will move on from each other.”

“I witnessed the whole Mia situation. Andrea, he wasn’t like this. Not like this.”

“It’s Victor. He’ll bounce back soon enough.” Or so I hoped. I felt my heart tighten with emotions I couldn’t or wouldn’t dare to identify.

That night, I resumed the staring contest with my phone, thinking about Victor. I missed his voice. I was worried about him. Instead of doing the absolute error of calling my ex, I did something even worse, I went through the pictures. I found one of my favorites, one of Victor sleeping. There was something sweet in his expression when he slept, there were none of the usual barriers he set in place. There was only Victor, and the sweetness he contained, that I was so honored to witness. He opened himself to me, let me look into his light, let me touch it and bask in it, and trusted me with this secret. And I let him down.

No matter how things ended, no matter how many reasons I could come up with to hate him, I loved him. I didn’t blame him for this breakup, I took full responsibility on that. Yes, he was hiding things from me, and yes, he did say some very hurtful things, but I was the one that hurt him the most. I slapped him and I left him. In his words, I abandoned him.

And even though I had my reasons, I still felt like a total bitch for breaking his heart like that. No amount of advice on how to recover from a breakup would help me with that.

[tony-starkrogers]

The Massive SteveTony Rec List

Welcome to my Fairly Comprehensive, Ridiculously Long SteveTony Fic Recs, aka my collection of pretty much nearly everything I’ve read and loved so far over the years. This fandom is lucky enough to have some truly brilliant and dedicated authors, and I’m always discovering new fics to love, so I thought I’d share some of them with you! Fics will be sorted alphabetically tbh just because I suck at sorting stuff? Some of my personal forever-faves will be marked with ♡. This is by no means all of the fics this fandom has to offer, but if you’re new to the fandom, this should give you a good place to start, and if you’ve been a SteveTony shipper for a while, hopefully you’ll find something new! And if you do have a favorite fic that’s not on the list, please add it to the comments or rec it to me (because who doesn’t need more fics)!

Here’s just a few GREAT resources to check out if you’re looking for Even More fic recs:

@sabrecmcstonyficrecs - I mean, sabre is basically THE fandom resource? Any and all fic you’re looking for you’ll likely find here. ||| @findingstony - if you’re looking for a particular fic and don’t remember where you found it, look here first! ||| @cap-ironman - the place to go, especially for brand new fics! the fandom lives here ||| @nasaficsrecs - many good fic recs ||| @ishipallthings many wonderful rec lists ||| @sineala - the place to go if you are at all interested in 616 SteveTony or really anything in the 616 comics universe

I have lots of fics bookmarked on ao3: my bookmarks! You can also check out my other fic rec lists, and my general fic rec tag. Also while you’re at it maybe check out some of my fics?

And here are the recs! (under the cut.) Have fun reading and be sure to show your authors some love with kudos and comments!!!

♡ 1796 Broadway by rainproof, teaberryblue - M | 460,220 words

Captain America respectfully requests that all complaints be addressed to him in writing. On paper, the nice old-fashioned way, because the computer screen hurts his eyes.

Put your phone down, Tony.

absence makes the heart by fantalaimon - G | 4,835 words

“One night,” Tony says, and just flies himself bodily into one of the canary yellow beekeepers like a red and gold battering ram. “I ask for one measly night. One single goddamn night with my boyfriend—”

“Oh, is the boyfriend label on now?” Clint asks over the comms.

A Higher Form of War by sabrecmc - M | 292,114 words

Tony is a King with a surprising number of people out to kill him. Steve and the rest of the Avengers are fighting for Pierce's rebellion and end up with Tony as their prisoner. Oops.

A New Way For Us by ann2who - M | 24,435 words

They fight Thanos—and they’re losing. And before Tony knows what’s happening, he’s standing with Doctor Strange in front of the Eye of Agamotto and gets send back in time. Can he find a way to fix things this time around, or are they doomed to fall apart all over again?

♡ A Partial Dictionary Of The 21st Century By Captain Steve Rogers, US Army by copperbadge - E | 13,888 words

Steve is adapting well to the new millennium, and he has the dictionary to prove it.

age is an irrational number by valtyr - E | 8,749 words

Steve and Tony grow old together.

♡ All Roads Lead To by theappleppielifestyle - G | 13,155 words

After Obadiah's betrayal, Tony hides in the depths of the Midwest to become a mechanic.

The Avengers come into his life anyway.

All These Things I've Said by Amuly - M | 5,840 words

When Tony starts talking in a language Steve can't understand--the language of science--Steve figures he'll retaliate with a little foreign language knowledge of his own. Only once he starts speaking French around Tony, Steve finds that sometimes it's easier to say what he really wants to say to Tony in a language he can't understand.

Good thing Tony doesn't know French.

And The Void Would Be Calling. by jadedoll - E | 17,721 words

Tony could be suffering from amnesia, a hitch-hiker from a parallel dimension, a ghost or maybe a time-traveller. He's sure he could work out the answer if Steve would just stop pretending he was Tony's boyfriend.

♡ As Sharp As Any Thorn by RurouniHime - E | 47,027 words

It’s four days to Christmas, there’s a city in shambles, and the nation is in mourning because of the actions of a single man.

♡ Be No Stranger (All Your Saints and Soldiers Remix) by jibrailis - T | 5,973 words

That's the twenty-first century love song, baby. Glitz and glamour and every one of us is a liar.

Bizarre Love Triangle by panickyintheuk - T | 1,929 words

Once the idea was in his head, he’d started picking up on all kinds of things, like the way Stark talked about Iron Man with such affection, and seemed to share so many of his mannerisms, and was constantly working on ways of improving the suit. It was obvious.

Blank Slate - A Tony Stark Mystery by navaan - T | 25,381 words

He doesn’t remember who he is or who his friends are, but he knows he’s in a Nazi prison and needs to get away. He doesn’t remember anything about Captain America either, but the man seems to be the kind of guy you trust.And apparently they share more history than meets the eye at first glance.

♡ But Loving Him Is Red by theappleppielifestyle - Not Rated | 25,524 words

"It is- it is not just destined, Steve Rogers. It will reach through the decades, through entire universes if it has to. It will scour the galaxies without rest until the two of you are standing next to each other. Migardians- Migardians call them soulmates, I believe."

♡ Captain America, Undone by laireshi - M | 2,818 words

Steve thinks he can seduce Tony before Tony seduces him. He's very, very wrong.

♡ Captain !@#$*%& America by Wordsplat - T | 8,093 words

The first time Tony hears Steve swear, he's pretty sure it's a dream. The second time is a lot harder to dismiss, considering it's the middle of the afternoon and they're both clearly awake. After that, what else can Tony do but use science to get to the bottom of it?

Catching Lightning in a Bottle by sabrecmc - M | 120,650 words

College student Tony meets janitor Steve at MIT and they fall blissfully in love, until Howard happens and things fall apart. One divorce paperwork snafu courtesy of the ever-helpful Jarvis, and ten years later, Tony has to get re-divorced from Steve.

This does not go as he imagines.

♡ Cherry Ride by copperbadge - E | 12,318 words

A SHIELD agent named Roger Stevens told Tony that his nickname was "Cap". Tony didn't connect the dots until it was much, much too late.

♡ Counterpart by sara_holmes - M | 217,400 words

coun•ter•part [koun-ter-pahrt] [noun] 1. a person or thing closely resembling another, especially in function. 2. a copy; duplicate. 3. one of two parts that fit, complete, or complement one another.

Just because Hydra used the DNA of a Captain America from another dimension to create a lab-grown, six-year-old super-soldier, it doesn't mean that said six-year old super-soldier is biologically Steve's, right?

(Where Steve wants to ban Clint from bringing things home from alternative dimensions, until he doesn't.)

Dangerous Kitchen Tools by ladyshadowdrake - E | 18,330 words

Engineering prodigy, billionaire, and heir to the Stark Industries empire, Tony Stark turned the business world on its head by opening a restuarant and burying himself in the kitchen. Years later, he covers an informal evening cooking class for his friend and fellow molecular gastronomist, Bruce Banner, where he meets famously camera-shy comic artist Steve Rogers.

♡ Dazed and Confused by tsukinofaerii - M | 4,160 words

Captain America has a great many duties that need careful attention. He has to... uh... That thing where... Wow, Tony's pants are awfully tight, aren't they?

Dear Tony, by sirona - T | 5,925 words

Once the dust after what no one is referring to as "The Break-up" has settled, Steve starts writing and doesn't seem to know how to stop.

"death by coffee" and other search queries by goodmorningbeloved - T | 2,841 words

In which Steve's feelings are hopelessly obvious through his Google searches. JARVIS decides to step in.

Deep in the Heart of Me by Finely Honed (jaqen_hgar) - E | 255,926 words

There were days when the realization that he was someone’s father made Steve's head hurt, but mostly he was grateful that he could trust his instincts, because apparently Peter was what had been missing from his life. Yes, he still had lingering, unresolved issues from his time in the Army, and sure, he had what Bucky annoyingly referred to as a criminally untapped ass, and no life outside of work and Peter, but Steve was okay with how his life had turned out because of trusting his instincts.

Unfortunately, those same instincts had straight up betrayed him by going absolutely haywire upon being exposed to Tony Stark.

Do It Over by Sineala - T | 1,999 words

The last words your soulmate says to you are written on your skin, and you won't know who they are until they die. The thing is, Steve and Tony die a lot.

♡ don't know why it took me so long to see by goodmorningbeloved - M | 11,209 words

“Oh, watch this,” Natasha says, propping her chin against her knuckles and turning a sweet gaze on him. “Tony, what’s it like dating a superhero?”Tony bristles in irritation. “We’re not dating,” he snaps. “Captain America probably thinks he can get into anyone’s pants just ‘cause he’s got a mask, costume, and reputation, but not me, buddy. That shield? Gotta be overcompensating for something.” He adds, a bit petulantly, “Oh, and all that blue? Definitely more Steve’s color than his.”-

In which Tony is a genius in all matters except recognizing his boyfriend past a mask.

♡ Emanata (The Comics Will Break Your Heart Remix) by teaberryblue - T | 29,720 words

Steve Rogers has the opportunity to fulfill his childhood dreams of becoming a comic artist when eccentric billionaire, superhero patron, and obsessive comic enthusiast Tony Stark offers him a job drawing Iron Man.

But Tony Stark has no idea that Steve Rogers is really Captain America, the newest member of the Avengers.

And Iron Man has no idea that Captain America is really Steve Rogers, up-and-coming comic book artist.

And Steve doesn't know what to do about the fact that he's falling head over heels for them both.

♡ Engaging the Enemy by tsukinofaerii - T | 22,823 words

Iron Man is one of the more persistent villains that the Ultimates face, with a special fondness for one Captain America. As Steve starts to findout more and more about him, the lines between hero and villain begin to blur. Sometimes, you don't have to be on the right side of the law to be in the right.

even if the brain has forgotten, perhaps the teeth remember (or the fingers) by theappleppielifestyle - G | 8,906 words

Tony gets temporary amnesia.

Some things are clearer without his preconceptions dragging him down.

♡ Even My Phone Misses Your Call by rainbowninja167 - E | 10,869 words

Steve makes it all the way to Ohio before conceding that the post-Chitauri road trip might’ve been a mistake.

Or, ten times Steve has to call Tony to come pick him up.

Even Tony Can't Resist Puppy Love by Wordsplat - T | 7,766 words

In which there is a dinner bet, a com line confession, and, as usual, Loki's magical hijinks make Tony's life unnecessarily difficult.

Fairy Godmother by Amuly - T | 5,186 words

Auntie Peggy has been telling Tony stories about Captain America his whole life. Only problem is, the real thing just about measures up to the stories. Which means, of course, that Aunt Peg has to go to work, because an Aunt's work is never done.

Favorable Winds by RurouniHime - T | 2,056 words

Steve’s voice comes from behind, a sigh and a thump as his own pack hits the floor. “Sam. Meet Tony Stark.”

Follow in Your Footsteps by Sineala - T | 6,788 words

When Tony is twelve, his soulmate's name appears on his wrist. Unfortunately, it's hard to find out anything at all about Steve Rogers.

It turns out there's a reason for that.

Formerly by laireshi - T | 13,620 words

A week ago, he touched Steve at night. A week ago, he kissed him. A week ago, Steve kissed him back.

(A week ago Steve was dead, and Tony deleted his brain.)

The Foodieverse (series) by copperbadge, scifigrl47 - works G-T | 130,326 words in series

It's an AU where everyone works in the food industry. That makes total sense and is definitely not wildly irrational on any axis.

♡ Get Some Now by Sineala - T | 10,376 words

Avengers Mansion has a mysterious feline infestation. Meanwhile, Steve just can't figure out how to ask Tony out on a date. And the thirteen teleporting cats sure aren't helping matters any.

♡ Going on a Ride (series) by theappleppielifestyle - Not Rated | 14,306 words in series

"You want to take me for a ride on your motorcycle," Tony repeats, slow so he can process it as he’s saying it, "because you think my glasses are cute."

Hashtag Finally by Wordsplat - T | 15,208 words

Tony doesn't ever actually ask the Avengers to move into his house, steal his wifi, eat all his food, and become the best family he's ever known. They do it anyway.

How To Be a Truly Terrible Wingman by Wordsplat - M | 11,721 words

Prompt: "We were both playing wingman for our friends who have now decided to go home together, and after five minutes of conversation we fucking hate each other. Let’s bang it out."

♡ How To Excel At Supervillainy (and lose your heart to America) by Zekkass - E | 13,531 words

And that's how Tony's supervillainy hobby got way way way complicated.

♡ How to Lose a Super Soldier in One Easy Step by and_backagain, jibrailis - E | 18,248 words

Rogers jerks backwards, shock registering on his face, and Tony thinks, welcome back to the land of the living, Cap, looks like you're sticking around.

Or, a Pushing Daisies AU.

♡ I (created from fantasies) exist solely for you by Mizzy - T | 62,917 words

Six years ago, without the Avengers Initiative there to save the day, scientist Dr. Eric Selvig sacrificed himself to save the world, the almighty demi-god Thor was lost to a terrible storm, and vigilante Iron Man – spotted with a nuclear weapon trying to take advantage of the situation – was forever labelled an enemy of SHIELD.

This is a comic book office AU, where Steve is defrosted a year too late, Thor has forgotten who he is, and no one knows Tony is Iron Man. Also includes: office pranks, inappropriate post-it notes, and superheroes who like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain

Indecent Proposal by gyzym, Siria - T | 2,592 words

On the plus side, marriage is bound to be easier than proposing.

i stole the keys to this guy by kellifer_fic - M | 6,007 words

Where it was Nick Fury's idea, but he didn't mean it like that

♡ In Which Tony Stark Builds Himself Some Friends (But His Family Was Assigned by Nick Fury) (series) by scifigrl47 - works rated T-M | 343,010 words

Steve takes things like personal responsibility and respect seriously. Tony's got people he pays to take care of that kind of thing, and anyway, he's pretty sure that he's going to die of some exotic disease in his workshop, because Dummy's still a little spotty about what is 'clean' enough to put on an open wound. The rest of the Avengers are in this for personal gain, except for Clint, he just enjoys being a dick.

And some things shouldn't be a chore.

♡ i will never stop losing my breath (every time i see you looking back at me) by theappleppielifestyle - G | 3,222 words

In all fairness, Tony is on autopilot when this happens. He’s had a long, hard day, and it’s possible he hasn’t slept in several long, hard days. He’s already half-asleep on the couch and he’s relaxed and happy, which is a rarity on its’ own, and he’s comfortable enough to let his guard down and get his body to do all the work without switching his brain on.

That should’ve been enough of a warning sign, but apparently not: Tony stretches, says goodnight to his teammates and gets varied responses back, and then he kisses Steve.

He only realizes what he’s done after he’s started to lean back, opening his eyes to see Steve’s blown wide, staring at Tony with his lips gone slack and a tiny furrow between his eyebrows.

if they be worthy by theappleppielifestyle - Not Rated | 824 words

Everyone's staring, and Tony isn't awake enough to do anything but gape dumbly at the hammer in his hand."Huh," he says."Seconded," Steve says through his toast. "Tasha, go tell Coulson another one of us can pick it up."

♡ Last Train Home by erde - T | 10,983 words

Steve writes letters to Tony that he never sends. By the time he hands them to their rightful owner, Tony has had a brush with death, has retired as a superhero, and now has a small town workshop of his very own. But it's okay, Steve has gone into retirement too.

Like Gene Kelly in the Movies by lyra_wing - M | 11,449 words

Everything Tony Stark does is a dance. And it's super confusing for Steve.

Like Sunlight by sara_holmes - M | 8,309 words

Steve is used to the way it feels by now; a strange but gentle tugging connection under his sternum, warm tingles in his skin whenever they touch. That is, until Tony gets himself kidnapped. Then it kinda feels more like someone is trying to wrench his heart out through his ribcage.

Looking for Heaven by foxxcub - E | 31,950 words

When young Lord Anthony Stark learns Steven Rogers has enlisted in the army, he thinks he's seen the last of his tiny, headstrong, haughty stable boy. But four years later, Lord Stark gets an unexpected visit from Steve, whose mother has fallen gravely ill and into financial ruin. Even more unexpected, Steve agrees to a shocking proposal: they will marry, giving Steve the necessary funds to save his mother, and Tony the much-needed reprieve from harassing would-be suitors. It is a business arrangement, nothing more. But as time goes on and circumstances arise, Tony begins to learn that keeping his heart away from his husband is easier said than done.

♡ Love in a Time of Amnesia by Amuly - T | 6,241 words

Carol might have lost all her memories of her friends, but there's at least one thing she can know with absolute certainty: Steve and Tony are a couple. And if the rest of the Avengers insist on saying they're not, well: Carol will just have to put her amnesia to use, for the greater good.

♡ L☆VE by copperbadge - M | 3,773 words

Steve's favorite shirt is at the center of a debate about masculinity, sexuality, and whether or not he did in fact steal it like a thief in the night from Tony.

♡ Meet Your Heroes by Wordsplat - M | 4,130 words

Tony gets rescued by a highly concerned, very handsy Captain America. This is confusing for a number of reasons.

Momentary Paws (or, DO NOT WANT) by velithya - T | 16,834 words

WTF KITTEN

♡ Mr. July by jibrailis - E | 10,065 words

Tony is the only one who can defend Steve's virtue. Tony hates his life.

♡ Neanderthals In Tights (Also Known As a Football Game) by Wordsplat - T | 3,228 words

In which Tony supports Steve at his first big football game, with guest appearances by an exasperated Pepper and an embarrassed Bruce, because yeah, okay, maybe Tony's not really one hundred percent clear on the rules of this game. Why, exactly, are a bunch of neanderthals tackling his boyfriend again?

one hundred percent skill, fifty percent luck by kellifer_fic - T | 7,418 words

Where there is a poker game, a v-card and general misunderstandings

Orbiter Dictum by schmevil - T | 7,357 words

Steve is at the sink, washing the few dishes that pizza for two generates, when he realizes that Tony is in love with him.

Our Weight In Gold by ann2who - E | 33,607 words

It was every cliché he’d ever heard about. Every sappy thing they wrote down in the magazines, every single thing he had always hated about the myth. It was as though he had experienced life without sight, and was suddenly bombarded by a storm of color. It was all-consuming, and rushing through his veins like molten lava, like his whole existence was suddenly filled with sunlight. A door opened, and a myriad of emotions stormed through his body: confusion, disbelief, loneliness, and so much fierce determination that it almost knocked Tony off his feet. And he understood then, understood that these emotions weren’t his. They were Rogers’.

This is a story about fate, self-doubt, choice and eventually—love.

Over Sea, Under Stars by vorkosigan - T | 36,651 words

Tony gets the phone, but he never uses it and he never intends to. Or, he doesn’t until Steve starts texting him, asking strange questions about medication and mental health, which is when Tony gets worried.

♡ Phil Coulson's Case Files of the Toasterverse - works rated mostly G-T, | 287,890 words in series

Short stories from the Toasterverse

Place Your Bets by RurouniHime - M | 35,999 words

Steve Rogers may or may not have just picked up a prostitute. This may or may not be Tony Stark’s fault.

♡ Pulse, Beat, and Measure (series) by Sineala - E | 134,095 words in series

Two men. Two worlds. Life during wartime.

Ready, Fire, Aim (series) by gyzym - M | 63,019 words in series

There's no "I" in "Avenger."

♡ Relativistic Heat Conduction (series) by BlossomsintheMist - E | 70,484 words in series

Age of Ultron-based, but not entirely canon compliant. Written for the 2013 Cap-Iron Man Reverse Big Bang. Ultron has attacked, obliterating most of the world's superheroes and resistance in a matter of hours. The remaining heroes band together and share what strength they have to get through it, to survive, and defeat Ultron once and for all. Steve Rogers grieves in the wake of the disaster and the heroes' defeat, and no one knows if he will be able to provide the leadership they need--but Tony Stark isn't about to let him slip away that easily.

♡ Rom-Commed By Fate (Or JARVIS) by leashy_bebes - E | 14,387 words

The best thing about being an Artificial Intelligence is the ability to parse, filter and modify the things people say until you've got the cause to do exactly what you wanted in the first place. Or, in which JARVIS cock blocks Tony into having an actual relationship.

♡ Run Program: {x} by Amuly - M | 19,728 words

Taking care of Tony is a lot of work. Especially when you’ve only got one arm. And your code dates back to the 1980s.

♡ Secrets of a Successful Marriage by valtyr - E | 24,118 words

Tony Stark lives a double life; he's secretly the supervillain known as Iron Man. But his loving husband Steve has a few secrets of his own, as Tony is about to discover.

♡ SexyMechanic70 by Potrix - T | 2,449 words

“SexyMechanic70,” Natasha reads aloud, nodding approvingly.“Sounds promising,” Clint offers.“And look,” Bucky adds, “he didn’t even send a dick pic! And he praised your sketch which, by the way, is a totally lame icon choice.”Steve snatches his phone back, batting Bucky’s hands away when he struggles to reach for it again. “Cut it out,” he grouses. “Also, excuse me for not posting a picture of my abs.”“A true tragedy,” Sam sighs, earning himself an indignant squawk from Bucky and a betrayed look from Steve. “What? I’m just saying. They’re great abs.”“True,” Nat hums and bumps the fist Clint is holding out to her.

♡ Sixpence In His Shoe by scifigrl47 - M | 103,682 words

Steve and Tony should really read the fine print on what they're signing. Then again, some mistakes are not really mistakes.

♡ Soul Bomb by copperbadge - T | 1,944 words

Suddenly everyone in Manhattan has someone else's voice in their head. Tony got Steve's, for his sins.

♡ Stand Back, I'm Going To Try Science by Good_News_Everyone - T | 2,123 words

Soulmates are a rare and cherished thing, a simple touch of hands bringing love that lasts forever. By all the rules of romance, they're meant to wait for each other and to trust in the vagaries of fate to bring them together. Tony's never been good at waiting, and when he has science on his side, who needs fate?

♡ Start as You Mean to Go On by BlackEyedGirl - E | 2,612 words

Tony gets that the others think this is an ego thing - the way he can’t resist pushing Steve’s buttons. Honest-to-God, the guy just bugs him. Mostly because Steve is distractingly perfect, but a little bit because of the family history.

♡ Steve Rogers Is (Not) A Morning Person by theappleppielifestyle - Not Rated | 1,161 words

Dream, Steve decides. With that comforting knowledge, Steve takes Tony's face in his hands and kisses him.

(Spoilers: it isn't a dream.)

Steve Rogers Takes Offense and the World Gets Schooled by RurouniHime - T | 2,463 words

In which Steve has no idea how that got up on BuzzFeed (aka, because some people don't respond to anything but the direct approach.)

♡ Syzygy (a Kludged Together remix) by Mizzy - T | 20,198 words

When Tony Stark cut Steve Rogers' morning jog short to join him on a reconnaissance mission off the East Coast, Tony sure wasn’t expecting to end up stuck on a life raft in the middle of the ocean, Steve's hand knuckle-deep in his chest.

♡ Tales of the Bots by scifigrl47 (series) - most works rated M | 523,654 words

When Tony Stark was seventeen years old, he built his first AI. On that day, he ceased to be his father's creation, and became a creating force in his own right.

That one act likely saved his life, and not always in the most obvious ways.

The Best Policy by cylobaby27 - M | 22,724 words

Tony Stark breezes through life on bluster and bullshit. When he gets hit by a truth spell, he locks himself away in his workshop so he can find a way to reverse it without anyone finding out. So why can't he say no when Steve keeps asking to spend time with him?

♡ the family you choose by theappleppielifestyle - Not Rated | 7,385 words

“Just who exactly was my son making out with in a closet?”

“Tony Stark.”Huh.“You might know him,” Fury continues, and Sarah nods, furiously biting at her cheek so she doesn’t do something awful, like giggle.

♡ The Forever-Nighter by Wordsplat - T | 10,172 words

When Rhodey decides that Tony's been slacking lately and drags him along to the gym, Tony's fully prepared to duck right back out the door the first time Rhodey turns around. Then he sees Hot Blond Guy.

♡ The Last Love Song of Anthony E. Stark by jibrailis - M | 42,327 words

After contracting an Asgardian virus, Tony starts forgetting things. And people. And Steve.

♡ The Opposite of a Problem by Sineala - T | 2,490 words

"I promise to love, honor, and probably not obey you, and, uh, take you as my totally-unlawfully-wedded husband, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, until death do us part, or for at least the next seventy-two hours."

(Or: Tony and Steve get fake-married for the sake of the mission.)

♡ The Tchotchke Cha Cha by Arukou - T | 7,269 words

What started off as one impulse buy souvenir snowballs into a constant flow of knickknacks from all over the world, and Steve is starting to wonder if it's more than just Tony being nice.

♡ The Twice-Told Tale by arysteia - E | 15,789 words

For someone he'd hero-worshipped for so long, Steve Rogers in the flesh is a pretty big disappointment. For one thing, he keeps looking at Tony as though he reminds him of someone else, and even if he never says anything, Tony's pretty sure it's his father. A lifetime of not measuring up to Howard's expectations is more than enough, thank you very much, and he's certainly not going to make an effort to live up to any of Steve's. Steve's pretty clearly failed to live up to his expectations, in any case, and that's not hypocritical at all.

Think of This as Solving Problems (That Should Never Have Occurred) by Sineala - T | 35,216 words

No one knows Tony is Iron Man. Then Tony gets amnesia, and literally no one knows Tony is Iron Man.

♡ Toasted Buns by copperbadge, scifigrl47 - E | 47,044 words

After seeing Tony naked and tanned -- all over -- in a decontamination shower, Steve realizes he may be in trouble. Tony, meanwhile, is definitely in trouble over those tabloid pictures of him sunbathing nude. The solution is clearly a tropical island getaway.

♡ Tony Stark Falls In Love With A Cat by shellhead - M | 6,887 words

When Steve goes missing, Tony ends up finding him at an animal shelter. Volunteering.

♡ Tony Stark and the Super Sleeper, or actually, Soldier by RurouniHime - T | 8,571 words

The one where Steve keeps falling asleep on Tony.

♡ Tony Stark Takes a Liberty and the Universe Thanks Him by RurouniHime - T | 1,512 words

In which people think they are entitled to Steve Roger's face (aka, because tomorrow is coming, and I hold out hope, Supreme Court.)

♡ Toy Soldiers by copperbadge - E | 44,241

When Steve Rogers, five foot four and a hundred and ten pounds, met Tony Stark in a bar, he didn't expect it to lead to a relationship. Or that Tony would find out he's not an art student during a SHIELD rescue mission in Afghanistan.

♡ Truth by valtyr - E | 2,677 words

Captain America takes truth serum. Tony is all over that.

♡ Two Out of Three (Ain't Bad) by plingo_kat - T | 9,449 words

It blindsides him one morning in the middle of his customary third cup of coffee; Steve walks through the door in loose cotton pants, shirt pulled up to wipe the sweat off his face from his usual morning workout, and Tony thinks: adorable.

♡ Unveil My Unsightly Heart by Mizzy - M | 43,019 words

Looking over an old prototype helicarrier for its future viability as a base for the Avengers should have just been a routine day full of bickering and non-adventure for Steve Rogers and Tony Stark.

But when they're catapulted into an alternate universe – where their alternate selves are married and battling with a mysterious threat – the two are forced to get over their differences in order to figure out what's going on, before it's too late.

Because there's more going on than meets the eye, and Steve and Tony falling in love might just be the most dangerous thing that can happen. Not just for one universe, but for all of them…

Wait & Sea by Lenalena - E | 53,244 words

In which Tony and Steve get sent on an undercover mission aboard a cruise ship to make contact with Hydra. In this AU the military has kept the discovery and defrosting of Captain America a secret, so Steve and Tony have never met before. Yet they are to pose as newlyweds....

Wash It All Away by ann2who - E | 8,634 words

Steve hummed, looking up at him. “All right. Strip.” Tony blinked at him. “Excuse me?” “Can’t very well wash your clothes while you wear ‘em,” he said and held out a hand expectantly.

What You Don't Know by Sineala - E | 9,808 words

In 1941, two strangers meet in a bar. And then Captain America meets Iron Man. And then Steve Rogers meets Tony Stark. They get it right. Eventually. And also they fall out of an airplane.

♡ when i run out of road, you bring me home by quidhitch - M | 18,466 words

“Oh, I won’t bother you.” The tone of Steve’s voice implies that he definitely will be bothering Tony, aggressively and frequently. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll keep to my farm, you keep to yours. Solitude together.”

Tony opens his mouth to argue that that’s not how this works, but he snaps it shut at the realization that Steven Grant Rogers is fucking with him. That twinkle in his eye has accelerated into a full-on glimmer, and the ends of his lips are twitching. Jesus, he hates this man. Or maybe he wishes he did. Tony can’t really tell the difference anymore.

♡ When I think about you by sirona - E | 11,955

Five times someone saw Steve sass the hell out of Tony and one time Tony finally bought a clue. Also known as the story of Captain Sasspants more than handling his own with Tony Stark at his most devious.

♡ When I Think (Oh, it Terrifies Me) by celli - E | 8,641 words

Look, some mornings you wake up and little green men are invading New York City; some mornings you wake up and you can hear Captain America's voice in your head. Tony has been an Avenger long enough that he saves his freakout for important things.

♡ will we ever say the words we're feeling by theappleppielifestyle - Not Rated | 1,673 words

He breaks off then, the realization of what he’s just revealed finally hitting him, and he stops, and Tony’s still staring.

(Or, Steve and Tony argue and Steve lets something slip.)

♡ With Words Other Than These by RurouniHime - E | 14,690 words

The way Steve’s beating that bag, though—Tony traces the cadence as well as the lines of Steve’s body, and wonders if he might not need to know about the mission after all. There’s a lot of tension knotted in Steve’s shoulders, a frenzy to each punch. The precision lacks. Maybe Steve’s just getting started, and if that’s the case, Tony could be here a long, long while.

with you by laireshi - M | 3,108 words

Sometimes Steve gets overwhelmed by how much he loves Tony.

Your Name on Every Wall by Sineala - T | 17,863 words

The Time Gem throws Steve into the past rather than the future, and in doing so, it gives him the opportunity to undo his past mistakes. But when it turns out that all of his mistakes involve Tony Stark, Steve begins to wonder if he's ever going to be able to mend things between them.

---

Hey, the list did have to end at some point! Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed these recs!

Tagging some people who might be interested:

@divine529, @sabrecmcstonyficrecs, @sineala, @ishipallthings, @itsallavengers, @nasafic, @estebanrxgers, @starksnstripes, @goodmorningbeloved, @goose-danvers

[stevenuniversallyreviews]

Episode 114: Steven’s Dream

“But you don’t deserve that, do you?”

The dream is simple. We fade in to three flowers blowing in the wind. When Steven falls asleep again, we add a broken pink palanquin, and a trill of the signature Diamond music, but that’s it. None of the disorienting mix of the sleeping and waking worlds of Lion 3, none of the nightmares of Chille Tid, none of the lucid mastery of Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service, just a few calm moments before waking up in tears. But of all the episodes about our slumbering hero, this is the one that’s called Steven’s Dream.

To me, the initial sensation was similar to nearing the end of Order of the Phoenix and, after hearing Voldemort’s view of Dumbledore many times over the course of the series, seeing that the next chapter was called The Only One He Ever Feared. This episode uses our knowledge of the past to set the bar high from the title alone, but unlike the Harry Potter chapter, it pulls the rug out from under us by making the dream the catalyst instead of the subject.

In the same way Mirror Gem spends its entire ominous runtime preparing us to meet Lapis Lazuli, Steven’s Dream is an eleven minute introduction to Blue Diamond. Both episodes develop a sense of foreboding with little hint of what’s to come, both give us a little bit of fun to lull us into a sense of ease before jolting us back into the mystery, both pit the Crystal Gems as opponents of sorts to Steven, and both have that wonderful pacing where the third act takes up half the episode so we have room to breathe. Mirror Gem has the advantage of blindsiding us with our first new Gem (and has a slower, eerier burn), but Steven’s Dream uses characters with eighty-six extra episodes of development to sell a mystery that our hero is actively trying to solve.

The most obvious way Steven’s Dream builds dread are the tears. It’s a device that works again and again and again on this show, especially when Steven is the one affected: his face is rarely sad when they come, and they’re huge without devolving into silly water spurts, so despite the empathy tears might otherwise bring, it’s instead an unsettling omen of danger, like the crocodile’s clock. Combined with the brevity of the first dream, the stark opening of the episode thrusts us into the emotional space that fills the next arc.

But we also get Pearl and Garnet providing more explicit concern. Pearl tries changing the subject, but when push comes to shove she covers her mouth for the second time since we were first told that Rose shattered Pink. While this and other acts of self-censorship become clearer after A Single Pale Rose, at this point we still know it’s in character for her to be uncomfortable about certain elements of the war; even going back to Ocean Gem, she’s hesitant to reveal that not all Gems were “good.”

More surprising is Garnet, to the point where Steven mentions how unusual it is for her to so openly obfuscate. She has her mysterious streak, sure, but she’s been blunt and honest for a while now, and was the Crystal Gem who confirmed the story of Pink Diamond. Estelle gets a terrific showcase here, giving full weight to Garnet’s fear while providing levity as she gets frustrated for making the secret sound more enticing.

This is my favorite kind of hint: the one you could feasibly suss the truth out of if you pause the episode and think about it, but is clear as day in retrospect. We’ve seen Garnet freeze in Keeping It Together, and we’ve seen her afraid in the lead-up to The Return, and both incidents involve Homeworld. The “her” in question could be Yellow Diamond, but The Answer showed us Garnet’s relationship with Blue Diamond. It just doesn’t click until we see the blue palanquin, and Garnet’s explanation after Greg’s abduction makes her resignation to fate all the sadder on rewatch.

(The movie where cows are abducted is a clearer hint in a show that’s all about foreshadowing through television screens, but I still didn’t see Blue Diamond coming.)

Amethyst, who was born long after the war and has little to contribute besides a joke and a great reaction shot, sorta sides with Steven at first, but soon falls into the background to enjoy the show. That’s three for three in terms of Gems not helping Steven find the truth, and for the first time since the revelation, he finally gets mad at them. I appreciate so much that it’s not played as a childish temper tantrum but an airing of legitimate grievances: he was already lied to by omission for ages, which he managed to forgive the Gems for, but past deception makes this new secret too much to handle. As Amethyst says, he deserves to know the truth he’s asking for, but he doesn’t get it. The irony is that another character deserves something he doesn’t ask for, but he gets it anyway.

In the words of Blue Diamond herself, Greg Universe should not be doomed on a dying world. True, the world isn’t actually dying, but given the information available, her judgment was sound. And part of the reason why is that, in stark contrast to the three Gems, the three named human characters we see in the episodes are helpers. Connie brings Buddy’s journal and is nothing but encouraging, and while the Universes could’ve afforded a plane ticket, Uncle Andy is the one who flies them to Korea. When the truth hits too close to home for the Gems, humans step up to the plate, and it’s such a powerful way to showcase the value of Steven’s mixed heritage.

But the more general reason Greg deserves to live is that he’s the best of us. Steven talks to him about Pink Diamond before we even get to the Gems, and to me it evokes that pivotal moment where it’s Greg, the human side of Steven’s family, who reveals that the Gems were invaders in The Return. In both conversations, Greg drives home that the past was a long time ago, and that he didn’t judge Rose or push her to talk about things she was uncomfortable with. It might not be helpful for Steven’s fact-finding hunt, but it shows that Greg’s priorities were straight and he values caring about others more than anything.

(I do wonder, though. Greg says here that Rose seemed to want to confess everything, but he said it didn’t matter. I guess we’ll never know just how much of the truth she was willing to confess.)

And of course, Greg is the one who accompanies Steven to Korea. This is a story that wouldn’t work without his wealth explaining their ability to take a tour, but goofy asides about watches aside, what’s more important is that Greg sticks up for his son and encourages his curiosity, even when it’s scary (and yeah, seeing an animator drawing you is probably pretty scary). He’s nervous about closing in on the secret, but trusts Steven enough to follow through. And it all leads to Greg meeting his sister-in-law.

The hints of our interloper’s identity grow more obvious as we close in; the “Please” sign in Pearl’s script shows us we’re close to something, but the blue palanquin raises more specific warning bells before we finally hear a new voice.

Lisa Hannigan is not like Susan Egan, Patti LuPone, or Christine Ebersole. For starters, she’s the only Diamond voice without an American accent. But something less noticeable from the episode alone is that she’s the only Diamond voice who hasn’t been on Broadway; Hannigan isn’t an actress of stage or screen, but a singer through and through, with just one voice acting role prior to Steven Universe (in the excellent Song of the Sea). This is is a different type of performer, but Blue is a different kind of Diamond: where her sisters each adapted in their own way in the aftermath of Rose’s rebellion, Blue never found a defense mechanism to distract herself, so she’s consumed at all times by grief.

Comparing Hannigan to LuPone in particular is inevitable, as they’re the first two Diamonds we meet (at least the first two that we know are Diamonds) and they’re such a stark contrast. Hannigan’s otherworldly voice, capable of soothing sorrow and icy rage, is a radical departure from LuPone’s sheer power. It’s something that becomes even clearer when they share the same screen, but for now, Blue’s melancholy sets her apart not only from Yellow but from Garnet’s depiction of the cruel overlord we saw in The Answer. We know at this point that the Diamonds have done horrible things, but Blue Diamond humanizes them in a way Yellow Diamond has only hinted at.

Greg and Blue’s exchange is a somber, touching, chilling affair. While there’s a certain level of comfort humans in this universe have with weird alien stuff compared to how we might act, Greg is especially tuned to be casual in this scenario; he may address this giant woman as “your highness,” but he’s otherwise speaking as a peer. As in Mr. Greg, we get a rare moment of him mourning Rose aloud, in a way that shows how often he really is thinking of her. But as we saw in Three Gems and a Baby, he’s able to work through it by pouring that love into Steven, and the person Blue Diamond was most likely to pour love into is the one she lost.

As the eerie Diamond harmonette drones, we see more and more of Blue beyond her hunched form. First her arm raises, then she straightens her back, then we see the bottom of her face, before she finally turns to face Greg (and us); each stage is brought about by conversation with Greg, and her wonder at his ability to relate with her. While the talk seems to be going well, the music erupts as Blue snatches Greg, rises to her full, terrifying height, and reveals her ship: not a hand, but an entire arm. 

Even as she’s humanized, we see glimpses of the tyrant Garnet told us of, and that we’ll see more of in the future. Her soft bewilderment comes from a place of superiority, and she treats Greg as an animal to be saved even as he protests. She does care, but through the lens of absolute authority over her pearl and lesser races. It comes across as tolerance rather than true empathy, and that exact sort of cold half-affection was a major factor in Pink’s resentment of her older sisters.

And poor Steven, who tried to stop Greg from even approaching the situation, can’t do a thing to stop his only remaining parent from being taken. His floating is powered by happy feelings, and there just aren’t enough of those to reach a rocketing spaceship. Garnet’s rescue may seem convenient, but her frantic apology and explanation absolves her in my mind: on top of being scared out of her wits, she was trying to prevent a future where everyone got taken.

The cliffhanger is more of a call to action than a cut to black, and the episode does “resolve” in its own way: we wanted to know what Steven was dreaming about, and we certainly found out. The tragedy is that Steven was right to be curious, and Greg was right to be kind, and both are punished for it. Greg is mature enough to not assign blame for his abduction, but this is rocket fuel for Steven’s ever-growing martyr complex. One day Steven will be happy again, but he’s never quite the same after this nightmare of an encounter. 

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

I compared this episode to Mirror Gem, which is my favorite lore episode of the series. While Steven’s Dream doesn’t rank quite as high due to the glut of other terrific episodes, it still squeezes into my top twenty for now.

Top Twenty

Steven and the Stevens

Hit the Diamond

Mirror Gem

Lion 3: Straight to Video

Alone Together

Last One Out of Beach City

The Return

Jailbreak

The Answer

Mindful Education

Sworn to the Sword

Rose’s Scabbard

Earthlings

Mr. Greg

Coach Steven

Giant Woman

Beach City Drift

Winter Forecast

Bismuth

Steven’s Dream

Love ‘em

Laser Light Cannon

Bubble Buddies

Tiger Millionaire

Lion 2: The Movie

Rose’s Room

An Indirect Kiss

Ocean Gem

Space Race

Garnet’s Universe

Warp Tour

The Test

Future Vision

On the Run

Maximum Capacity

Marble Madness

Political Power

Full Disclosure

Joy Ride

Keeping It Together

We Need to Talk

Chille Tid

Cry for Help

Keystone Motel

Catch and Release

When It Rains

Back to the Barn

Steven’s Birthday

It Could’ve Been Great

Message Received

Log Date 7 15 2

Same Old World

The New Lars

Monster Reunion

Alone at Sea

Crack the Whip

Beta

Back to the Moon

Kindergarten Kid

Buddy’s Book

Gem Harvest

Three Gems and a Baby

Like ‘em

Gem Glow

Frybo

Arcade Mania

So Many Birthdays

Lars and the Cool Kids

Onion Trade

Steven the Sword Fighter

Beach Party

Monster Buddies

Keep Beach City Weird

Watermelon Steven

The Message

Open Book

Story for Steven

Shirt Club

Love Letters

Reformed

Rising Tides, Crashing Tides

Onion Friend

Historical Friction

Friend Ship

Nightmare Hospital

Too Far

Barn Mates

Steven Floats

Drop Beat Dad

Too Short to Ride

Restaurant Wars

Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service

Greg the Babysitter

Gem Hunt

Steven vs. Amethyst

Bubbled

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack

Together Breakfast

Cat Fingers

Serious Steven

Steven’s Lion

Joking Victim

Secret Team

Say Uncle

Super Watermelon Island

Gem Drill

Know Your Fusion

Future Boy Zoltron

No Thanks!

     6. Horror Club      5. Fusion Cuisine      4. House Guest      3. Onion Gang      2. Sadie’s Song      1. Island Adventure

[wwwps4]

Detroit

Can robots feel? To empathize? To do? Despite years of research, scientists do not give clear answers. And where science is powerless, fiction comes to the fore. Last year, with the help of NieR: Automata, Taro Yoko tried to get to the truth. Now David cage, the author of the interactive thrillers Heavy Rain and Beyond: Two Souls, has decided to present his view on the problems of artificial intelligence. Well, guys, myltso? On the blade Near future. Technology has made another leap, and the achievements of Boston Dynamics are in the past: androids are already among us, their appearance and behavior are barely distinguishable from ordinary people. Indispensable helpers and cheap slaves in one person, the" children " of CyberLife have been performing the most thankless work for years, bearing the humiliation of the Almighty masters. But nothing lasts forever: suddenly, in Detroit, one after another, deviants begin to appear-machines that have gained self-awareness.

Detroit: Become Human

In a matter of months, humanity is on the verge of war with its greatest creation. Now, in the darkest hour, the fate of the world depends on the actions of ordinary robots, not people. Marcus, the old artist's Butler, is stranded on the street in an accident. Connor, a police officer, hunts for "broken" brothers and tries to find out the reason for their madness. Kara, the housekeeper, runs off with her owner's daughter when he raises his hand to his own child. Heroes are waiting for incredible adventures, and their paths will cross more than once. And who knows how their amazing story will end?

Light, camera, shame Video games have long been made with an eye on Hollywood. Game designers spy on the Directors ' techniques, more and more screensavers from year to year, and the traditional gameplay is regularly replaced with spectacular QTE. It seems as if developers want to" shoot " movies, rather than sculpt conveyor blockbusters. Only a few people have the courage to say this openly. Few people except David cage and his Studio Quantic Dream.

Detroit: Become Human

Unlike other famous teams, the French company has long ceased to disguise itself: since 2005, it has been exclusively engaged in interactive cinema, where there is no place for shootings with terrorists, boss fights, or other distracting nonsense from the narrative. Cage's logic is impeccable: the industry is already littered with shooters like Call of Duty, why not do something original? But to create such masterpieces, you need skill. Talent. And here's the problem: the Frenchman has nothing else but naked enthusiasm.

Omikron: the Nomad Soul, Fahrenheit, Heavy Rain, Beyond: Two Souls... Each of his opus is a story about how a good idea was ruined by a bad performance. Whatever the game, it's a beautiful dummy-fascinating at first, and then, closer to the final, falling apart. So it was hard to expect anything good from Detroit: Become Human (with its banal beginning). And all the same old cage I found something to surprise.

Detroit: Become Human

Double Detroit is an emphatically cinematic adventure that tells the fates of several characters at once. As before, the player is required to do relatively little: walk around locations, collect or view garbage, talk a lot, pass sophisticated QTE and survive. Yes, unlike many of the genre's peers, in Become Human (as in the ever-memorable Heavy Rain), the characters can die, and the plot will move on quietly — though, already in the direction of a bad ending. This is not a peaceful LucasArts quest.

Already from the introductory chapters, the new product is perceived as one big work on mistakes — as if all these years the authors studied reviews of their creations, threw out unsuccessful elements and kept working. The output turned out to be a kind of collection of "the best of". Check the boxes: a futuristic world a La Omikron (alas, without David Bowie), an intriguing Fahrenheit introduction with dozens of scenarios, investigative episodes, the death of the protagonists and elements of the heavy Rain interface, Hollywood actors just like in Beyond. Even the main menu resembles the beginning of the Nomad Soul — only instead of a low-poly model, a beautiful girl breaks the fourth wall. Try not to blush.

Detroit: Become Human

And it seems that everything is familiar, familiar, but there is nothing to swear at: from the point of view of game design, the game is made wisely. Even the usual genre flaws here, in the new context, do not look so scary and critical. Do robots speak in an unnatural, UN-human way? Logically, the same pieces of iron! Invisible walls prevent you from exploring locations? Of course, the program does not allow you to deviate from the set course! Bullets don't kill or even slow down characters during action scenes, and wounds heal too quickly? Cars, what to take from them.

However, these are rather pleasant things — the really impressive thing about Detroit: Become Human is something else. Here (unlike the series of some Telltale), the decisions made by the gamer during the "movie" really affect what is happening — very noticeably change the story. At first, the linear narrative branches out over time: unique mini-episodes are opened, even fleeting dialogues and individual chapters vary. And endings are determined not by the choice of a specific scene in the final, but by a number of not always obvious moments. How thoroughly did Connor study the crime scenes? Had Kara managed to escape from her master? And how?

Detroit_ Become Human_20180522213231

Conceptually, the mechanics are similar to the "butterfly effect" Until Dawn (or the earlier Blade Runner from Westwood): do something or say-prepare for the consequences, the authors will not allow the descent. Unless in the Supermassive Games horror movie there were much less variations of the development of events: in this regard, chamber horror is difficult to compete with the cyberpunk epic. Quantic Dream employees have done a lot of work, and they do not hesitate to demonstrate this by drawing giant diagrams at the end of each Chapter, similar to the intricate chronology of some Metal Gear Solid. A good way to mask loading screens!

In other words, in terms of gameplay, the new product really succeeded. Taking the best of their previous creations and borrowing a couple of other people's inventions, the authors finally fulfilled their promise: they released a real interactive movie. Hooray? Hooray. But unfortunately, Detroit is still David cage's "Need more emotion" game. With all the consequences.

Be a man Alas, in the five years since the premiere of Beyond, the head of Quantic Dream has not learned to write good scripts. Even with the help of new assistants and editors, all he managed to compose was at best a mediocre melodrama about racism, where the roles of oppressed Negroes were assigned to soulless androids. Vulgar metaphors and clumsy references to real historical events (up to the Nazi concentration camps!) attach.

Detroit: Become Human

Admittedly, it's very funny to watch such obvious and artless nonsense in 2018. There are no bright new ideas, unprecedented sci-Fi concepts, or unique views on AI problems. Instead — it is a continuous repetition of what has been studied with a lot of loud words, high-sounding platitudes and obligatory tears in artificial eyes. The characters are all drawn up according to the textbook of archetypes and communicate such Terry platitudes that at times the game borders on self-parody. Sometimes it even seems that Lieutenant Frank Drebin from the Naked gun is about to turn the corner and everything will fall into place. But that would be too subtle. Well, at least there was no nonsense in the spirit of Heavy Rain, that is, attempts to hit and turn what is happening upside down, somehow. Here everything fits into the fragile logic of a fabulous cyberpunk universe, where a robot service can be bought for a measly 899 dollars, and Canada is a futuristic Wonderland.

However, not everything is so sad. There are also good scenes in Detroit — and such that it's not even a shame to watch! They are concentrated mainly in the storyline of Connor (who has to play a buddy movie in the spirit of the series "Almost human"). There is humor, and "chemistry" between two dissimilar partners, and quite a sensible dialogue almost without stupid "snot", from which it is time to roll your eyes. Looking at the amazing adventures of an Android and a grumpy detective Anderson, you keep asking yourself: "why the hell are there two other protagonists in this game?»

[youhideastar]

1, 2, and 5 for To Be Seen Aright 'verse

#1 is “how another character would fit into this universe”and #2 is “one secret the POV character doesn’t know.”  I already answered #7 here, and just as aquick note going forward, I’m only going to answer each question once for eachfic/universe because it takes me so long, sorry!

The secretthat Sid doesn’t know, #2, is that ever since Geno became the finemaster of thePenguins, he’s used that authority ruthlessly to crack down on other playersmaking shitty comments when Sid’s not there – either shitty comments about Sid,which he fines under “not respecting captain,” or shitty comments about subs ingeneral, which he fines under “saying stuff that make Sid sad if he hear.” Genonever does it when Sid might notice or catch wind of it, because he has a suspicionthat Sid would treat it the same way he treats teammates trying to start fightsfor him on the ice (I think he’s actually wrong about that, but he’s entitledto his opinion). And no one ever tells on him, because (a) the players who aresaying the shitty stuff don’t want to tell Sid that, obviously, and (b) theother players approve strongly of what Geno is doing and share his suspicionthat Sid might freak out about it and make him stop. (Again, I think they’rewrong, but a big part of their problem throughout the story is that they don’tknow the difference between good, respectful help and condescending orcontrolling help and so don’t know what kinds of help Sid will accept and whatkinds he won’t.) So Sid never gets wise to Geno’s fining strategy… but Flower knows what’s up, and it’s a majorreason why he’s so confident suggesting to Sid that Geno has feelings for him.

And for#1, the sincere desire of my heart is to talk about P.K. Subban, delightfulhuman being and cheerful destroyer of binaries, a switch who has no interest inplaying up his dominance to be accepted by the doms or playing up hissubmission to be accepted by the subs, and no interest in imitating shittydominance to try to lay claim to a dominant’s privileges and prerogatives. Whichis to say, no interest in the usual coping mechanisms of switches in a binarydynamic society. No, our friend P.K. is interested in all kinds of things—hockey,fashion, charity, the Habs’ starting goaltender—but most of all, he isinterested in being 100% completely himself at all times, whether people likeit or not.

And poorCarey Price just does not know what to make of it. He’s charmed, in spite ofhimself, because P.K. is irresistible, but he’s also suspicious, because hejust plain does. Not. Know. What is going on. Things come to a head:

“Look,”Carey says, at the end of his rope. “I don’t know what you want. I don’t know if youeven know what you want. Half the time you act like you want to be my best subbuddy. And the other half, you act like you want to be… my protector. To lookout for me. So which one is it?”

“Yes,” P.K.says. Simply. Infuriatingly.

Careysnaps, “Yes, what?”

“Yes, Iwant to be your best buddy,” P.K. says, smiling. “And yes. I want to take careof you. And,” he adds, when Carey’s frown turns thunderous, “I want to kissyou. In case that clears anything up.”

“That doesn—” Carey stops short. Blinks.

“I couldkiss you now,” P.K. offers. “So you can see how you feel about it. If you letme.”

Careyexamines his feelings on the matter. “I… you could do that,” he allows.

P.K. iscareful, so careful – only his fingertips come to rest on Carey’s cheek,tilting his face just slightly before their lips meet. It’s a chaste, closed-mouthedkiss, but warm, and full of affection. When P.K. steps back, Carey almostreaches for him.

He tellsP.K., “You… I don’t understand.” It comes out more helpless than he wanted. “Imean, I think I… I get what you wantto do. But I don’t know what you want from me.”I don’t know who you want me to be foryou, he thinks. “Do you… you want me to wear your collar?”

He’s asub, and P.K.’s a switch… that’s what would make sense, right?

But P.K.shrugs. “That’s pretty much up to you. To me, that kind of stuff is, like… details,you know?”

Carey doesnot know. Carey was raised partly bya family who taught him to stand up for himself and draw strength from hisheritage and his people – raised by a chief who taught him that her son neednot kneel at anyone’s feet. But he was also raised by hockey, which taught himthat the fences delimiting a sub’s proper role are tall and sturdy, wrappedwith barbed wire.

At thesame time, though… Carey does know.Because he knows P.K. He knows that P.K. has always acted as if he has somekind of… cheat code for that stuff. Like it doesn’t apply to him. And he knowsthat P.K. gets hurt because of it – disrespected, left out. But P.K. sure doesn’tact like it bothers him. And he sure doesn’t act like it’s going to change him.Maybe he has enough of that confidence, and that courage, to share.

“What Iwant from you…” P.K.’s voice comes out very soft – Carey’s silence seems tohave taken a little bit of the wind out of his sails. “Honestly, all I reallywant is to make you smile. Every day. That’s all. Whatever that takes.”

Careyreaches out and catches hold of P.K.’s hand. “You’re good at that,” he says. “Makingme smile.”

P.K.beams. “That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“Don’t letit go to your head,” Carey says.

P.K. stepsclose and kisses Carey’s cheek, still grinning. “Too late.”

[idontgiveaflyinggrayson69]

Breath of Fresh Air

Author: Nat / @idontgiveaflyinggrayson69

Requested: No

Tagging: @hurricanethortilla 

Fandom: Avengers

Relationship: Established; Thor x Reader. Post-Established; Loki x Reader

Summary: The Reader is widowed after Loki died out on the Dark World, but Thor is there to help her learn to love again, all while Loki watches everything unfold before his eyes behind his mask of Odin.

Word Count: 1.7k

Warnings: Major Character Death.

Disclaimer: This takes place directly after Thor: The Dark World, Jane is not a character in this universe, and Ragnarok never happens. xx

Comments: Oh buddy this one hits right in the feels. 

“No!” The screamed ripped through your lungs as you sliced your way through the last of the Dark Elves before running to where Loki had fallen moments after he had been stabbed through the chest by Kurse to save his brother.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Loki whispered to you as your pressed your hands into the wound, tears freely flowing down your cheeks.

“No you can’t go. You can’t. I just got you back.” You sobbed and Loki forced a smile.

“You’ll be alright. I promise you’ll be alright.”

You tried to swallow your sob, not wanting Loki’s final moments to be you filled with grief, sorrow and pain.

“I’ll tell father what you did here today.” Thor spoke, causing Loki to pull his eyes away from you.

“I didn’t do it for him.” Loki said, almost painlessly, looking back to you before resting his head back.

“No!” You shouted again, this time with Thor.

You awoke in your bed with a jump. You had been having nightmares that relived your husband’s death ever since he had died out on the Dark World five years ago.

It had been rough at first. Truly, it had.

You had married Loki almost a century before hand and you thought you had lost him forever when he fell from the Bifrost, but that wasn’t the case. Loki lived.

But he wasn’t Loki anymore. Not your Loki anyways.

Ever since he came back, the relationship between the two of you had basically ended. Both of you were still legally married and both of you still loved each other deeply, but it wasn’t the same.

Loki was cold and harsh and imprisoned. You went down to see him every day, but you couldn’t touch him and nothing you seemed to say to him really matter.

It hurt you, but you remained loyal to him. You were the Goddess of Fidelity after all and you truly believed that the two of you would be able to work things out.

But you were wrong.

It was Loki who told you that he wanted to end your marriage.

At first you were confused and didn’t believe what he was telling you, but after the reality set in, you fled Asgard, searching for some peace and some isolation to come to terms with what was happening.

That’s how you found the Æther. It was a complete accident, but it happened.

The events after that became blurred for you.

But you knew that there was an attack on Asgard, that Frigga, your mother-in-law had died trying to protect you, and that Odin didn’t want to give up the Æther, but that Thor had other plans, which you agreed to, which is how you, Thor and your soon to be ex-husband ended up on the Dark World.

Which is how Loki, the love of your life, ended up dead.

Asgard didn’t really mourn for Loki, much to your disappointment. There was a funeral for Asgard’s lost prince, but there was no body. Even Odin seemed not to care about Loki’s death, which enraged you. After that, things continued as they had been before and only you and Thor were left to mourn.

So, you and Thor began to spend more time together. You had lost a husband and Thor had a lost a brother, but you had both lost Loki. The two of you were the only people who understood each other’s pain.

Slowly, the two of you grew closer.

You weren’t surprised when Thor kissed you for the first time. It left an ache deep in your chest as Thor’s lips moved against yours, as he was the first man you had kissed since you started courting Loki nearly three centuries ago. But you weren’t surprised.

When Thor pulled back, neither of you said a word. Neither of you mentioned it for almost a week before Thor snapped and roughly kissed you, pressing you up against the wall of a darken hall.

Being with Thor made the hurting hurt less, but both of you knew that you had to keep your relationship a secret. One because your husband had died not long ago, and two because your husband was Thor’s brother.

But keeping things a secret made things easier for the two of you. Neither of you were really sure about the relationship and both of you were scared of going too fast. And you were still getting used to being with a man that wasn’t Loki.

The first time the two of you had sex was months into the relationship; the longest Thor had ever been with a woman without bedding her. It was soft and slow and Thor had asked you multiple times if you wanted to stop, but you didn’t. You wanted him, it just hurt you to be withhim.

Thor never made the hurting stop, but he did make it hurt less. He made you smile when you felt like breaking and he understood you. And you did the same for him. Maybe your relationship was built on unhealthy coping mechanisms, but it was what the two of you needed. And, as the years dragged on, the two of you learned to love each other.

While Thor was the first to kiss you, you were the first to tell him that you loved him. Thor was quiet for a while before he asked if you were sure. You smiled at him and pressed a kiss to his lips and told him that there was no doubt in your mind that you loved him.

Thor smiled back at you and told you that he loved you too.

The two of you were together in secret for a year before the two of you decided to tell Odin. Odin was…surprised, to say the least. He didn’t say much, but he didn’t say he disapproved. Your relationship with Thor was never mentioned by him again.

Not that either of you ever realized it wasn’t Odin with whom you were speaking to, but rather Loki, the man who had pushed the two of you together in the first place.

Thor brought you to Earth and introduced him to his Earth friends, which made you happy. You read to Thor, which made him happy because your voice was so expressive. Your relationship was fun and happy, and that was something your marriage with Loki hadn’t been in decades.

You described your feelings to Thor one night as, “being with you is like coming up for air after being held under water. I loved Loki, I still love him and I’ll always love him, but those last few decades were hard. And that last year with him was just…bad.”

Thor nodded to you. He didn’t understand, but he wanted to be there for you. That was what he was best at.

You made each other happy and you loved each other deeply.

You believed for a while that only youfelt the profound love because you were the Goddess of Fidelity and being loyal was what you were supposed to do. But Thor quickly pushed that thought aside, showing you how much he loved you. But you were also shocked at how much you loved Thor because you had always believed that people, especially gods and goddesses of love and loyalty, were only supposed to have one great love in their life. Yet you had two; the two sons of Odin.  

Maybe you were selfish, you thought. But again, Thor was there to prove you wrong and remind you that you weren’t being selfish. Thor was always there for you; Thor was there for you in ways Loki never was.

You and Thor kept your secret hidden from the public for three years. The public didn’t handle it bad per se, but they didn’t handle it well. Surprisingly, the outrage was more about the fact that Thor had kept a secret lover for two years, rather than who his secret lover was: his brother’s widow. That was a relief, but it also caused its own set of problems.

In the end, your relationship with Thor grew stronger the longer you were together and Thor, after the two of you had been together for four years, five years after Loki’s passing, decided that he wanted to make you his wife.

“Father,” Thor said, approaching the throne on which Odin sat. “There is something important we must discuss.”

“Yes, my son,” Loki replied.

“(Y/N),” Thor smiled, looking up at Odin. “She truly is a remarkable woman. I understand why Loki loved her as deeply as he did because I, too, love her more than I could ever express.”

Thor was too busy thinking of you to realize the tightening of Odin’s mouth.

“Yes?” Loki asked, not liking where Thor was going with this conversation.

“I have come to ask for your blessing in asking for (Y/N)’s hand in marriage. I know it’s…strange to say the least, and complicated. She was married to my brother for centuries, now only five years after he died to save her I ask to wed her…But father, I love her with everything that I am, and she loves me as well. So, I beg of you, to grant me your blessing and let me ask her to marry me.” Thor asked, his voice tightening a little as he spoke.

Loki swallowed and forced himself not to display any emotion. He had no right, after all, to be upset over what had happened. He was the one who had pushed you away. He was the one that asked to sever your marriage. He was the one who faked his death and effectively led you to Thor.

Everything was on him.

Loki could have revealed to you and Thor that he was alive and well, but he saw how happy you were with Thor. Loki hadn’t seen you that happy in years and he knew that he had to leave you be and let you be happy.

Your happiness was all that mattered to him, even if it came at the cost of his own.

So, Loki spoke the hardest word he had ever spoken. “Yes.”

[rojelljohn20]

Vital Coping Mechanisms (The Key to Conquer your College Llife)

Vital Coping Mechanisms

The Key to Conquer Your Online College Life

Written by: John Rojell Y. Elizaga

Another day is coming. The academic requirements are eye-catching. Your nerves are wrenching. Your anxiety is increasing. Get out of bed, turn on your computer, laptop, or phone, and connect to the internet. It doesn't matter what you're wearing or if you've had a bath, as long as you're present—just get in—Welcome to practically every PUPians daily routine.

Two years ago, COVID-19 was declared a worldwide pandemic by the World Health Organization. As a result of the virus, every level of school was in a state of terror. Virtual learning was implemented in schools all around the world, and local authorities, instructors, and students quickly acclimated to a whole new way of life. 

Consequently, it has become crucial for college students to switch from the lecture hall to the sofa, from studying in a dormitory to schooling at home. 

In reality, studying amidst pandemic cause some students to fail because they have less motivation, no relationships, and limited access to the required devices. In the same setting, they have also had to cope with balancing family and academic responsibilities. The distinctions between personal and professional life have become hazier for many people, just as they have physically.

As a result of battling with the problems brought on by COVID-19, many young adults have suffered an increase in loneliness, stress, anxiety, and depression. During the outbreak, the great majority of college students reported higher stress and/or anxiety. Hence, it is now more important than ever for college students to develop coping methods for dealing with stress, anxiety, and other mental health difficulties. 

The most significant key to helping college students deal with academic problem is teaching them coping skills that will benefit their lives. Here are the coping mechanisms that will serve as your key to conquer your college studies, especially amidst pandemic:

Sleeping Beauty - Getting adequate sleep is a basic first step in learning how to manage your stress. Get a good night's sleep for successful stress management and online learning performance. Maintain the quantity you've found works best for you.

Rest! Rest! Rest! - Taking a break may be the most efficient stress management approach in an online setting. Sitting immobile for hours at a time while learning online is not good for your body or mind. Exercise. Stretch as you stand up. Take a stroll. Make plans to meet a buddy for coffee. It is not necessary to take long rests. It's a simple effective stress-reduction strategy.

Stay Connected - You may invest so much time to your studies at online schools and universities that you neglect or postpone keeping in touch with your loved ones. Avoid isolating yourself while earning your degree online. Being sociable, even if it's only a phone call, is one of the simplest methods to reduce stress.

Me Time - "Me" time allows our overworked minds to disengage and relax. This provides us more control over our moods, enhances our patience, and allows us to live in the present moment. After a tiring online class, you can watch your favorite Netflix series or try to cook your favorite food.

Reward Yourself - When we reward ourselves, we feel invigorated, cared for, and happy, which increases our self-control, and this helps us continue our healthy habits. So, whenever you feel that you need it, open your Shopee and Lazada and check it all out—You deserve it!

Fundamentally, college is insanely complex, whether it’s online or traditional. But the online set-up indeed makes it more intricate. As we continue to battle with this concept. Let us all not forget that there are strategies to it. There are ways to survive it—that is the vital coping mechanism that serves as our key in conquering our college odyssey. 

[alinadavid-blog-blog]

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Could lockdown relight our love for Valentine's Day? | Jess Cartner-Morley

New Post has been published on https://fashiondesigne.com/could-lockdown-relight-our-love-for-valentines-day-jess-cartner-morley/

Could lockdown relight our love for Valentine's Day? | Jess Cartner-Morley

Sixth is v alentine’s Day can seem like the most heartless of joyful days. Your favourite cafe is regimented into furniture for two like an examination corridor for romance, with whispered conversations sternly invigilated simply by overattentive waiters. Performative social networking posts passive-aggressively alert you to definitely a world of breakfast racks laid with rose padding and emerald earrings.

The particular valentine industry has become an industrial juggernaut in which love is certainly weighed and measured within pounds and pence. Within 2020, the average Brit invested £35 upon Valentine’s gifts . It really is no surprise that we have fallen away from love with a day whenever we are supposed be partying love.

But , just maybe, this is actually the year to say yes in order to Valentine’s Day. In this bleakest of winters, we need all of the excitement we can get. It really is an imperfect holiday, this can not be denied, but this never-ending outbreak isn’t a bundle of fun either, so from exactly where I’m sitting the pub looks pretty low. The Sunday to celebrate adore might be cheesy, but a few hours spent sharing a heart-shaped box of chocolates from your petrol station has the advantage on yet another Groundhog Time loop of the park within saucepan lid-grey sky. Valentine’s Day might be too saccharine for your sophisticated tastes, yet wouldn’t this year go down simpler with a spoonful of glucose?

Lockdown presents us with an chance to “renationalise” what has become a market and transform it back into the ritual. A modern Valentine’s Day time sometimes feels like watching Casablanca or Short Encounter with the ad break every a few minutes. Even the most diehard intimate starts to feel a negative eye-roll coming on, becoming so relentlessly marketed in order to. But with shops and dining places closed, we can spool Valentine’s Day back to being an basically harmless moment of like and levity.

There is zero stress this year to stress regarding getting a table at an eating place in order to put an expensive set menu on a charge card. There are few delusions associated with grandeur. Not even the most positive lover holds out a lot hope of being whisked away to Paris or Ancient rome this weekend. If you are solitary, this isn’t going to be the year for the romcom meet-cute where you locking mechanism eyes with The One while you both reach for the same classic album in the record shop, so the pressure is away.

This season, without the commercial noise, Valentine’s Day is less shrill. Just the “I love you”, without the violins. There is space for a more inclusive edition of the story. Before the vacation got cellophane-wrapped as a time exclusively for couples – a kind of Noah’s Ark along with chocolate-dipped strawberries – a lot of the joy was in the innocent lust. A line of question and affirmation marks, and writing the particular address with your non-writing hands for anonymity. Posting a good unsigned card to a buddy and then swearing blind you needed nothing to do with it. The particular promise of a pink or even red envelope poking out of under the bills on the doormat, like Willy Wonka’s fantastic ticket. A day for delivering a little flattery and devotion out into the universe, with no expecting a receipt.

The author Jilly Cooper said lately that the lady sends 30 or forty cards each year, to “my favourite women and men, just saying: ‘Hello and am love you. ’” The card in the post or even a bunch of daffodils on the front door can mean romantic intrigue, a good esteem-boosting fillip of devotion or just socially distanced a friendly relationship. And there is so much pleasure in all of these.

Few will mourn the absence of Valentine tat. The day’s slide in to red-in-tooth-and-claw capitalism is shown in an unlovable aesthetic that is overdue a makeover. Heart-shaped foil balloons, the weird infantilisation of giant teddies: this is a pile-it-high, sell-it-cheap, departure-gate gift-stand kind of love. This is a mirror image of Halloween, simply with love hearts instead of pumpkins. The US has brought the way in the commercialisation associated with February 14: last year, every person spent typically almost $200 . Remaking the image of Valentine’s Day time in lockdown – homemade cards in the absence of Paperchase; the homespun kind of tablescaping with out swan napkins or beverage umbrellas – will make this more beautiful, not much less.

This won’t be perfect. Valentine’s Day never is. One people already mourning the lost year of intimate opportunities may view it being a thoroughly unwelcome milestone. Intended for couples living together, the chance of a quiet dinner might struggle for novelty worth after a year which has been full of them. But in a time whenever our lives have been stripped associated with bells and whistles, love in all the forms – family, close friends and neighbours, as well as love – has done a lot of large lifting to get us by means of.

It really is true that smug individuals are really annoying on Valentine’s Day, but now that we experience Instagram, smug people can get in your face all year round in case you let them. So don’t allow them to. You don’t have to promise in order to fall back in love along with Valentine’s Day. Just give this a second chance.