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happy74827 · 2 years ago

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Bittersweet Blunders

[Mike Schmidt x Female!Reader]

Synopsis: In what was supposed to be the "perfect date" turns into an absolute dumpster fire of a night. Fortunately for Mike, you couldn't care at all about it.

WC: 4295

Category: Mega Fluff

So it seems that a lot of people like my Mike fics (yay), so I wrote another one because why not. At this point, my entire masterlist will just consist of this man, and I'm 100% here for it. Also, I don't know why fluff is the hardest for me to write, but this is my attempt at a full-on cuteness overload without a drop of angst (I apparently live for the drama), so we'll see how this goes.

『••✎••』

You were a very bubbly, cheerful person. You always thought that it was one of the best qualities that someone could have, and while it wasn't always the case, it always helped you in the past to brighten up anyone's day, as well as the other way around. You were always the life of the party, and you'd always make sure that everyone had a great time whenever you were with them.

It was probably one of the reasons Mike had liked you so much, though it had taken him quite some time to admit it to himself. He didn't want to believe it at first; after all, Mike was usually the guy who kept his feelings in, but as time went on, he couldn't keep denying the fact that he liked your presence and always wanted to be around you.

For him, you were a ray of sunshine in his otherwise very dull life. Sure, Abby had been a joy, and still is, but you... you were just special in a way that Mike couldn't explain. You had a certain quality about you that he couldn't describe, and he's never been able to figure out what it is that made you stand out so much to him. You were the complete opposite of him. His black clothes, your bright smile. His gloominess, your cheerfulness. His silence, your bubbly voice. His abrasive demeanor, your kind words.

Even though you were completely opposite of him in personality, there was one thing that you both shared in common. You were both attracted to each other in a way that you couldn't explain, even to yourself. But it was a feeling that you were sure of, and the fact that you're finally together made you realize why.

When he had started dating you, it had been like the clouds parted for him. The sky cleared up, and everything felt right again. He felt like his life was finally stitching itself back together, and suddenly, he and Abby were a lot closer, too. It was almost like a weight was lifted off of his chest, and he was finally able to breathe again.

Your relationship was very new to him, as you were the first relationship he'd ever had. But now that you were with him, he wouldn't have it any other way. You were just... you. You made him happy in a way that no one else had, and he was determined to make sure that you felt the same way.

Of course, you felt the same way.

For you, Mike was your best friend. He had been the one person who'd been able to make you smile in your worst moments. He was always there when you needed him, and you'd always made sure to do the same thing for him. He was your ray of sunshine despite him not acting much like one. You loved the little things that made him tick, like his strange fascination with coffee and the fact that he always had a blanket in the car with him, just in case he was tired or cold. It made him feel like home to you.

And it was exactly how Mike felt with you, too, obviously for different reasons, of course, but all the same. He loved every single thing about you, no matter what. Your personality, your voice, even the way you walk, he loved every single bit of it. The first time you two had kissed, it was almost as though fireworks were going off all around you both, and Mike could've sworn he heard angels sing as well.

You were a ray of sunshine to him, and now that you were in his life, he couldn't see himself without you. He loved you more than he could say, and he was determined to show that to you, always.

That's why he decided he would take the day off of work to plan out the perfect date for you two. He didn't know exactly what you were into; you always seemed to be good with anything, but he knew he had to try and do something nice. After all, you were worth it. You were the most special person in his life, second to Abby, of course, but special just the same.

So he set off to find you a nice place to have dinner, a thing neither one of you had done since the start of the relationship. You had usually just eaten at his place or gone somewhere that served coffee (somewhere more in Mike's price range), but he wanted something a bit fancier; after all, today was special, and he saved up enough to make it happen. He wanted you to have a nice day out, just like you always did for him whenever he had a bad day.

He eventually found you a place, a fancy Italian restaurant that he thought you would like, and made reservations for a place with a nice view of the sunset, just so you could watch it with him. It was going to be a great night.

Of course, it had been the complete opposite of what Mike had thought it would be. Two hours before the planned evening, the person covering his job for him just had to cancel on him at the last minute, leaving him to panic. He hadn't told you the surprise for the evening at all, so he had to make several, several calls just to find a replacement for his job and then to find a babysitter for Abby. Max... Well, Max wasn't around much anymore, and since you were the usual babysitter for Abby, it took Mike a while to find someone who was available, and even when he did, it took nearly twenty minutes for them to show up.

But he got it fixed and done in good time. His car was a little bit messy, and his "nice" shirt might have been a little wrinkly for the occasion, but to see the smile on your face when you got to his car made it worth it.

"You're wearing a tie," you commented, your face full of surprise as you hopped inside

"What can I say? It was a spur-of-the-moment kind of thing," Mike replied, turning the ignition and starting the car. He looked back at you, the smile on your face making his heart flutter just as much as it had the first time he'd laid his eyes on you. "Did I, um... You look great."

You were wearing a very nice dress, something that Mike had always loved on you, and it fit you very well. It was a light pink color, with a flowy skirt and a short-sleeved top, but it complimented you so well that he wondered why he hadn't seen it on you before. It made you look stunning, in his opinion.

"Thanks," you replied. "You look pretty handsome yourself, Mikey."

Oh, how he loved that nickname. It was one of the few things that Mike loved hearing you call him, even if it was in a joking matter. It made him feel special when he heard it, like you were just so happy to be around him that it was just another way of saying so. He smiled as he pulled out of the driveway, the engine rumbling below his feet. "So, you hungry?"

"Oh, yeah," you said, "I could totally eat."

Mike smiled. "Good ‘cause I found us the most amazing Italian restaurant, and I think you'll love it,"

Mike was right, of course. You did love it. The atmosphere was perfect, and the scenery was divine, with the sun setting in the distance and the colors it created splashed across the sky. Mike had even thought ahead to get a table right next to the window to give you the perfect view. Unfortunately, the sight from the entrance was the only view you got to see.

When it got to the hostess, it turned out that they had accidentally given his reservation to a family with four kids, and you and Mike were now stuck in between a large family with several children and the bathroom. The food had already been ordered and delivered to your table, but you didn't even get a chance to start your meal before you heard the sounds of a crying baby. And when you looked up, you were faced with a crying child who seemed to be a year or so younger than Abby, sitting on the table in front of you.

You tried to ignore it at first, hoping that they would fall asleep and stop crying, but the baby didn't seem to be willing to stop any time soon, and it seemed you weren't the only one who was annoyed by it. You glanced over at Mike and you realized that he looked about one second away from punching the baby and throwing it across the restaurant.

You decided to take action before he could do that.

"How's... uh, work going?" You asked, trying to make conversation as you sat up a little bit straighter and began to wipe your fingers clean, preparing yourself for whatever came next.

Mike didn't answer, instead choosing to grunt.

You decided to try and lighten the mood just a little bit. "It can't be that bad. You're still alive."

Just as the words left your mouth, the baby started crying even louder. You looked over at the family that was sitting in front of you and noticed that none of them looked like they were planning to do anything about it. Great parenting

"That baby might not be," he grumbled, not even bothering to keep his voice down anymore. "Even Abby and her tantrums don't make me want to run into traffic, and they're on a whole other level,"

"A crying child is not going to make you run into traffic, Mike," you replied.

"It might," he argued. "I might."

You laughed, shaking your head at the man sitting in front of you. "Have you always been this dramatic?"

Mike was quiet for a moment before shrugging and letting out a sigh. His annoyance allowed you to take a look at his features for a moment, something you hadn't really done for a while. Usually, when you two hung out, he was always so busy that you didn't really get to notice the difference in expression and stance he would usually have, but now that you were finally able to look at him, you noticed a slight change in him. He looked... tired, you'd say. Tired, but at the same time, happier than he usually was. You couldn't exactly tell how he was feeling at the time, probably complete annoyance because of the crying baby, but he did look like he was smiling just a bit more than usual.

And you loved seeing it. You loved seeing him happy, even if it wasn't the happiest situation that you two could've been in. You still wanted to see his smile, and you couldn't help but smile yourself at how happy he looked when he was around you, even with all the surrounding annoyance.

"Do you remember," you began, "when we first started dating? You were so nervous, and you were scared that you were gonna mess it up, and I said to you that there was no way you could ever do that, right?"

"I mean, it's not like you were lying," he shrugged, leaning back against his chair, picking up a glass of water, and taking a small sip. "I was a mess."

"Well, you still are a mess, a hot one but still... you got over it, didn't you?" You smiled.

Mike paused for a moment, placing his glass down on the table again. He was silent before he glanced up at you. His eyes were wide, and he almost looked... stunned. He was definitely surprised.

"It's not rhetorical, Mikey, but I'm going to take that as a yes," you continued.

"That was... that was different," he said.

"Well, yeah, of course it was," you replied. "That was a few months ago. Now it's a crying baby who you believe is ruining your life,"

He rolled his eyes and sighed, clearly annoyed by the whole thing. You knew that he wasn't actually upset; however, if he were, you'd have felt him shift in his seat like he always did when he felt uncomfortable or uncomfortable. But he hadn't moved a single bit. He wasn't even fidgeting. He just sat there and kept staring at you.

Mike never said anything, though, and neither did you. You just kept staring at each other, even when the baby eventually stopped crying. For a moment, there was peace, a sort of silent bliss that you couldn't exactly explain, and then the peace was suddenly ruined again.

Mike had wanted a refill of his drink, and when the waiter returned with a pitcher and many other drinks from various tables, the serving plate somehow made its way down Mike's shirt and all over his clothes, the various liquids from water to alcohol all splattered on his clothes. And Mike? Mike didn't even flinch. He closed his eyes and sighed, gritting his teeth and tensing up a bit, and you saw that he was clenching the sides of his chair with his hands, but otherwise, he didn't make any other movements, no reaction at all. Then, to make matters worse, the baby started crying again.

Mike and you both stared at each other again, your eyes wide and your mouths slightly parted. You knew exactly how Mike was feeling, and you wanted nothing more than to do something about it, but you didn't know what to do.

"Mike, do you—" you began, feeling really bad for him.

"I need to... go to the bathroom," he interrupted you, and you nodded in response. He stood up from his seat, walked around you and the other family, and then headed towards the bathroom. You were left to sit in your seat, staring at the family in front of you as they ate and chatted amongst themselves. You didn't say anything, but you weren't exactly happy with what was happening, either.

You glanced over to the bathroom door, hoping that Mike would come out of there soon so you could ask him if he was okay, but you were unable to leave. The waiter came back a few minutes later with a towel to help Mike clean off the liquid from his clothes, and once he had it in hand, you found the strength to leave your seat and follow Mike into the bathroom.

You didn't step inside, however, instead choosing to lean against the wall by the entrance. The bathroom was a lot emptier than the restaurant was, and it seemed a lot quieter, too, the only sound that you could hear coming from the faucet by the sinks. You stared at the door for a moment, just a moment, before calling out to the man inside.

"Mike, are you okay in there?"

It took Mike a moment to respond to you. "Uh... Yeah. I'm fine."

"You don't sound fine," you replied.

"Well, I am," he replied. He sounded annoyed.

"You don't sound like it," you commented.

"Well, what do you want me to say?"

You paused for a moment, glancing around the room as you thought of a response. You decided to just tell him what was on your mind. "Do you want to leave? We can go."

You heard the bathroom door open, and Mike stepped out from it, standing in front of you, his eyes staring straight at your own. He was soaked despite all the paper towels he must've used to dry himself off. You handed him the small towel you'd been handed, and he took it from you with a small nod. He ran it through his shirt and thighs for a moment before looking at you.

"You sure?" He asked with a pinch of hesitation in his voice. He looked nervous. No, he didn't look nervous. He looked... guilty. His eyes were sad, and he seemed worried about something. He looked like he wanted to say something, but he couldn't find the right words.

You had a feeling what was going on in his mind, so you just took the lead for him. With a smile, you both returned to your seat momentarily to pay the bill and tip the waiter before making your way out to the parking lot. You climbed into the car, and Mike started the engine. He still had a very noticeable frown on his face as he turned to you.

"It looks like it's going to be a great night," he sighed, letting out a heavy sigh. His eyes shifted upwards to the clouds, and you noticed the very visible storm that was brewing in them. "Sorry. I guess I just... It didn't go the way I thought it would."

"It's still early," you replied, placing your hand over his. He looked back at you with wide eyes, clearly not expecting you to be as calm as you were. You smiled at him, squeezing his hand gently. "And I have the perfect idea of what we could do."

He raised a brow at you, his eyes suddenly looking curious. The frown was gone now and replaced with a small, barely visible smile. You had to resist the urge to hug him right then and there.

"Yeah? What is it?"

"You'll find out when we get there," you whispered and smiled, leaning in to press a kiss to his cheek. "Just listen to my directions. I'll be your personal navigator."

Your navigator skills were definitely off the charts that night, and even you were surprised you didn't get lost. You made some accidental wrong turns and had to double back once or twice, but other than that, you were able to get you and Mike to your destination just fine. The night sky was still covered with clouds, and there was a very faint sound of thunder in the distance, but you figured you had at least a good hour or so.

The view, though. You couldn't have picked a better spot to have. There was a tree right next to a small, grassy hill that you sat at, the only place where Mike and you could be comfortable while you stared up at the sky. You had Mike's emergency blanket, and he had his hoodie (that might have smelt like utter hell, but he refused to wear anything else after the incident earlier that night), and the stars. It was like the clouds had separated just to show you the beauty of the night sky, and the two of you were lucky enough to witness it. The sun was long gone, and the moon was peeking out from behind the clouds, its bright glow casting a shimmering reflection onto the grass below. It was a moment that you'd never forget.

"How's the date going so far now?" You asked Mike with a smile as you sat next to him. "Think this is an improvement?"

Mike shrugged. "Maybe I should stop planning the dates, and let you plan them from now on."

You smiled at him. "I like it when you plan the dates, Mike."

He frowned for a moment, but the look on his face suggested otherwise. "Really? Because there had been not one good one in the past... I dunno, two years? Even when we were still trying to work out the friendship to the relationship thing."

You shrugged, moving closer to him. "What can I say? I like the surprises, and you never were that spontaneous on your own."

"Is that what you like about me?" He asked. "My non-spontaneity?"

You glanced up at him, smiling as you took in his features again. You loved looking at him. He was handsome. And you loved the look in his eyes. They were filled with adoration, and they were looking straight into yours. He leaned down a bit and pressed a kiss to your forehead.

"You have other qualities, too," you replied. “Good ones.”

"Like what?" He asked, his lips ghosting over your skin as he spoke.

"You make a great cup of coffee," you began, letting out a small giggle as he continued to kiss your forehead, moving slowly down towards your jaw. "And you're good at taking care of Abby. You can be funny if you try hard enough, and you're really cute when you smile."

Mike moved down towards your ear, gently nibbling on the lobe. His breath fanned over your skin, and you couldn't help but lean into him just a little. His hand slipped under your chin and gently pulled your head up, forcing your lips to meet with his in a soft kiss.

The first kiss was always special, in Mike's opinion. You were always so soft, so gentle, but also so firm, so loving. It was one of his favorite feelings, and he was so lucky to have you in his life, he couldn't believe it.

When you pulled away from the kiss, you didn't move too far away from him, resting your head against his shoulder instead. You closed your eyes and let out a sigh of contentment, and he leaned his head against yours, his hand resting gently on your knee as you both gazed at the moonlit sky.

"Mikey?" You asked after a moment, your voice soft and gentle as you spoke. You felt his head move in response, and you felt him take in a deep breath.

"Yeah?" He asked.

You looked up at him, smiling as you did. "I think this is our best one yet."

He didn't say anything for a moment. He stared down at you with his usual blank expression, but after a few seconds, the corners of his lips quirked up, and he was finally able to break out into a smile, one that was so much brighter than the one that he had earlier.

He kissed you again, and you couldn't help but melt into the kiss. Your hands went to his shoulders, and his hands wrapped themselves around your waist as he pulled you closer to him. You never wanted to leave his side.

You loss track of time from there. You both were lost in the moment, in the stars, in the blanket, in each other, and before either of you knew it, you felt the slight raindrops pelt against your skin, and the wind was growing stronger. Your hair whipped in front of your face, and smacked Mike in the cheek, but he didn't seem to care much, too caught up in kissing you.

You eventually pulled away, looking at the man in front of you. "We should... we should get going. You brought the umbrella, right?”

“Yeah, it’s right here," Mike nodded, grabbing it from the other end of the blanket and placing it above the two of you as the raindrops grew heavier. The thunder was louder now, but you and Mike were far too engrossed with each other to really notice it.

At least, not until tragedy struck when he went to pull up the blanket. One big strum of thunder and a burst of wind from above caused Mike to lose his grip on the umbrella, which went flying through the air and out of his grasp. You both watched it as it soared in the air, almost like you were in a daze, and then you realized the horrible thing that had happened.

The umbrella was gone. You and Mike were in the rain, and there was nothing around you to provide you any sort of protection from the downpour. The blanket was soaked within seconds, as were the two of you.

Well, technically, Mike already was.

Mike's smile had disappeared from his face when the umbrella had flown away, and now his frown had returned, only this time, it was quite humorous. He was absolutely dumbstruck, and he was just staring at the umbrella as it flew away into the night. You tried to hold back your laughter, but it was difficult, especially with the look on Mike's face.

“Great. Just great," he grumbled, grabbing your arm while making his way back towards the car. "That's just the icing on the cake."

“It’s like we’re in a rom-com," you commented as you followed him, laughing even more. "You're the oblivious man, I'm the funny girl who helps you figure out your feelings. It’s the climax of the movie, we're both drenched, and then we kiss in the rain,"

Mike glared at you, but the look was not genuine. You could tell, and it only made you laugh even more. "Yeah, yeah, let's just get to the car."

The two of you ran towards the car, and Mike jumped inside the driver's seat. You quickly got into the passenger's side before the door shut closed, and you let out a sigh of relief. You took a moment to catch your breath, and then you turned to Mike, a smile playing on your lips.

“Just so you know, those are my favorite type of rom-coms.”

Mike rolled his eyes. "And just so you know, I hate rom-coms."

You leaned over to kiss his cheek, letting out a soft giggle. "Better buckle up then, Romeo. After we find a towel and get home, we're watching the best rom-com of all time."

He rolled his eyes again, but you could tell that the small smile on his lips was genuine this time. "Let's just go before the car floods,"

You smiled, leaning back in your seat. "Sounds good, honey.”

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thisapplepielife · 8 months ago

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Written for the @corrodedcoffinfest Seven Deadly Sins pop-up event.

The Waiting

"She's not answering," Gareth says, holding the room phone up to his ear.

"Believe it or not, her life doesn't revolve around you, kid," Eddie says, writing in his little notebook, not even looking up.

Well, yeah, Gareth knows that. He does. But she also knows his tour schedule. She knows that when he gets within 100 miles of Omaha, they always find a way to meet up. It's been this way for two years.

Nights spent together, holed up in hotels, fucking and laughing and having a good time together. Because while they like each other, they know that trying to make this work while he's on the road is a non-starter.

So, they only get nights. Great nights, a few times a year. Her in his arms, his bed, his heart. When she's there, she's the only one he wants.

It's the most comfortable and predictable thing in his life, besides music. They have an arrangement. Non-exclusive. Don't ask, don't tell. And it's worked.

But now, she's not answering or returning the message he left on her machine, and that's never happened before. She always calls back.

When she finally calls back, it's not what he expected.

"She has a boyfriend now," Gareth says, flopping down on the bed. "Can you believe that?"

"Uh, yeah? She's a fucking doll. Maybe you should've committed when you had the chance."

"You know I'm not doing that until I'm at least forty. She knows that, too. I never lied."

"I didn't say you lied, but you definitely got greedy, kid. You wanted her to wait while you were off fucking around. Did you seriously think that she'd wait forever, just on the off-chance you'd settle down with her someday? Get real. I'm sure she weighed the odds if you'd ever settle. And if you did turn forty, and magically decide it was time, what were the chances that you would marry forty-year-old her, and not some twenty-eight-year-old groupie?"

Eddie's monologuing at him. Which is nothing new. But it still makes Gareth bristle.

"That's not. I wouldn't. I wanted her. My endgame plan was always her."

Eddie raises an eyebrow, "Well, maybe her endgame plan wasn't you."

Gareth still calls. Every time they wind through the Midwest. Two years later, he's nearly two hundred miles away in Bonner Springs, and that's further than their agreement covers, but he tries anyway. He'd make it work. But when he makes contact, she finally tells him not to call again. That if she ever wants to, she'll get a hold of him, not the other way around.

She never does.

After five years, they play right in Omaha, and he doesn't whip his head around with the arena lights, searching every face his eyes can find.

But he does wonder if she married the boyfriend. If she has kids that aren't his.

He wonders that a lot.

They take a break from touring. He's thirty-one, and alone every morning when the sun comes up. Everybody's beat up and worn down. One year off turns into three. He's not sure they'll ever get back on the road.

Everybody's settled down. Happy.

Everybody but him.

So, he pretends. Gets a girlfriend that's probably too young for him, but she doesn't give a fuck about what he does on the side, because she isn't interested in anything other than his money.

It's not a terrible deal. He gets to fuck around, and his house isn't empty.

Two years in, sitting across from Eddie at breakfast, he says, "I could marry her, I guess."

And Eddie drops his fork. Deliberately. Like an asshole.

"Don't you fucking dare. You don't love her. You barely like her."

He's pretty sure he's not capable of love. Because the only time he thinks he felt it, he didn't do a damn thing about it, instead trading his happiness for his freedom.

His engagement makes the news, but so does the messy break-up, later.

"At least you're only out a diamond, for fuck's sake," Eddie says, yanking open the blinds. Gareth hates him right now.

"I miss her," Gareth says.

Eddie lets out an exasperated sigh, "No, you don't. You're just lonely."

Gareth rolls over, face in his pillow, mumbling, "Not her. Di."

There's a beat where he thinks Eddie didn't hear him, but he's not that lucky.

"Jesus H. Christ. That again?"

Again? Always.

"You don't want Di. You just want what you can't have."

That's not true.

They book a stretch of shows. Gareth isn't sure it can be called a tour, it's so small. And he's pretty sure it's just to get him out of the house. Either way, they're on the road again, and he's back to his old habits. It really is like riding a bike.

He has Steve order the condoms he likes in bulk, and fucks his way through the cities they hit. He's good at this. He's never gonna settle down. He says he's getting a vasectomy, and Eddie tries to talk him out of it. Eddie's just scared he'll start raw dogging around, after.

Fair enough. He's overdue for a downward spiral.

The shows are fine. But they always are. They are well-oiled and in sync, even after years off.

Then they land in Omaha.

There will always be a pang of hurt coming here, but it's been over ten years. She's not his, and never really was, because he never let her be.

The arena is playing music before the show starts, as always, but tonight three out of the last five songs have been Tom Petty. It's an extra twist of the Omaha knife.

Di loved Tom Petty.

The Waiting starts up.

That's it.

"Steve," Gareth snaps, "for fuck's sake. Tell them to knock the Petty off, it's putting me on edge."

Steve just shrugs, like he has no control over it. As if he couldn't put a stop to anything with one look, hands on his hips.

So, he's letting this happen. Asshole.

On stage, Gareth's still in a bad mood. But there's a looker in the front row, and maybe he can make that happen tonight.

After the set, he runs off-stage and right next to Steve, is Di. Older, with different hair, but definitely her.

His heart stops.

She's here.

He's thirty-seven. And she's here.

He holds the door of his dressing room open for her. He figures they're gonna talk. Maybe close this chapter for good.

But he sits on the couch, legs spread, and she crawls right on his thighs. Then grips his shoulders, and pulls herself forward, flush against his crotch.

Oh fuck. Goddamn.

They tear off clothing, desperate, fingers grazing. A condom is found, and then she's sinking down on him.

He groans, and tilts his head backwards.

"I wanna know," she says, and he looks at her. Waiting to see what she wants to hear as she's rocking on him. Tom Petty was right. The waiting is the hardest part.

Then she smiles, "Are you still a slut?"

He laughs. Not Petty, Chili Peppers, then.

And he is. Nods. But, maybe?

Maybe, he doesn't want to be.

"Not if you'll stay."

"Right answer," she says, teasing, caressing his stick calloused fingers. "You're not forty yet, you know?"

"Forty isn't even old."

She laughs.

"I was single for the first time in years, and thought, now? Then I read you were getting married."

"Not anymore," he says.

"I know. That's why I'm sitting on your cock," she teases, and he laughs. "I didn't know if I even remembered you right. Or if you'd remember me at all. It's been years."

He touches her hair, her face, "I want you. I love you. Not telling you that, not acting on it way back then, haunts me. I lost fucking years with you."

And, yeah, he's not forty.

But he's ready.

If you want to write your own, or see more entries for this challenge, pop on over to @corrodedcoffinfest and follow along with the fun! 🦇

Well, yeah, I might have chased a couple women around, All it ever got me was down, Yeah, then there were those that made me feel good, But never as good as I feel right now, Baby, you're the only one that's ever known how, To make me live like I wanna live now Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, The Waiting

Notes: Title is from The Waiting by Tom Petty (shocker, lol) but this was also heavily influenced by the songs I Should Have Married You by Old Dominion and Otherside by Red Hot Chili Peppers.

#corrodedcoffinfest: seven deadly sins #prompt: greed #corrodedcoffinfest #gareth stranger things #eddie munson #stranger things #corroded coffin #steve harrington #corroded coffin fic #thisapplepielife: corrodedcoffinfest #thisapplepielife: short fic

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a-kinda-boring-writer · 6 months ago

Note

For the ask game! Hollyleaf and

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

I mean, making her a cannibal for that St. Valentine one-shot was pretty fun! 😊

No, but seriously, this is the probably the hardest question you could've asked me lmao and I've been thinking about it for hours. I do know the answer, I'm not sure if I'll be able to properly explain it. This is going to be a long and barely cohesive ramble, methinks.

I love writing Hollyleaf with her contradictions included (however unintentional they might be in canon). I scoff at the idea of "fixing" her character. There's nothing to fix imo. I think it's better to embrace every aspect of what makes her her, positive and negative, and just improve all of them and make them coalesce better. That's what I try to do (whether or not I succeed, you'll have to ask someone else).

[The ONE thing that does need to change 100%, and this is hardly something original from my part, many have voiced the same thought... is the conclusion of her arc. Post-Tunnels Hollyleaf doubling down on her code-loving is kinda trash. She should have a more drastic change, either for the better or the worse, but not that status-quo-maintaining BS]

Hollyleaf is a sticker for the rules, at the same time she's a rule-breaker whenever it suits her. The warrior code is everything, unless it limits her. She's kind and wants to see others succeed, at the same time she can be cruel and thinks she's better than anyone else. She can be motherly, while also firmly rejecting the idea of motherhood. She respects authority, unless what they say is too far from what she wants to hear. She asks for advice from other cats, but in the end she thinks she knows better. She is humble, but she's ambitious. She can be smart and cold-blooded, while also sometimes being irrational and way too passionate.

And going much more in HC territory, while I do universally depict her as a girl-kisser (and she does get with a few during the RiverAU lol), I write her as someone tragically incapable of having a happy, healthy love life. While she craves that kind of affection and devotion from other girls, and she's quite the girl magnet, she's not capable of giving back a comparable amount of what she asks from her gfs, and so despite her efforts, none of her relationships last long.

I do joke about Hollyleaf being a girlboss and all... but I don't believe she is. Superficially, I like making her look like one, tho. But I love depicting Hollyleaf as, ultimately, a fucking mess. She means well and loves her littermates, but she's a hypocrite and prone to act in ways not too beneficial for them or even just herself. It is important, again, that she actually, genuinely does mean well in the end! I feel like people focus waaaaay to much on the Post-Fire Scene Hollyleaf, and I get it. That's where she's in her most unhinged state. It's funny. I just find the process of getting to that point more interesting.

Now, what I don't like?

This will be my scalding hot take, but writing Hollyleaf as an outright villain is, to me, objectively a complete downgrade from even the less charitable readings of her canon writing. That's why I've never done it, that's why I never will. And if I'm allowed to be really fucking mean to the fandom for just a sentence (and understanding very well this is coming from a subjective and very bias perspective. duh), I think people who write her like that are chronically incurious and creatively impaired at best.

#warrior cats #hollyleaf #ask game #I love talking about Hollyleaf #can you tell?

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alynnia · 3 months ago

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Fictional Love and Fandom

I wanna talk about the anime Zenshu to the LaDs fandom here. Spoilers for Zenshu under the cut and putting a cut in general because I'm talking about an anime in the LaDs tag. But there is a point to it.

So for anyone else that has seen this anime, I know it's suppsoed to be a love letter to animators and animation in general but I got a different vibe from it that struck me a touch;

The love someone has for a fictional character and the influence they have on their lives as well as fandom influence on source material.

Zenshu tells the story of an animator that gets isekai'd into the world of her favorite anime movie she's loved since she was a kid. Her love for this character is what drove her to become an animator. Drove her to create in order to express her love for him and animation.

And she succeeds at the cost of missing out on love irl but this series doesn't completely portrays it as a negative thing? And this just reminds me of not only myself and my crushes on fictional boys I've had since I was a kid (though they always changed over the years as I grew. Teen Gohan doesn't appeal to me like he did when I was a teen lol) but anyway, this series came out during the height of Love and Deepspace, a very immersive VN otome game where as we all see, fans become extremely attached to the characters on a personal level.

This isn't new of course, fans have been doing this for as long as fiction has been around. But I'm pointing out LaDs in particular because of how it tries* it's best to deepen that connection with you, the player rather than having a main character be her own character. And I just saw a whole lot of us in the main character in Zenshu.

The movie she's loved so much is a tragedy. It does not have a happy ending. The world is destroyed at the end at hands of the protagonist who was supposed to be the hero to save it, but after being driven to despair after losing his loved ones, he breaks and ends everything. (I can see most of the LaDs guys doing this, some already partially have done similar.)

The MC, the animator that gets isekai'd into this world, tries her hardest to stop this tragedy. To change the outcome of the canon to save these characters she loves so much. To save the fictional man she loves. This reminds me SO much of all the stories fandoms come up with through writings, drawings, videos, acting, etc. How many of us try to create a better world for the characters we love (Or a worse one. ❤️ )

In the anime, the original writer of the story is there. Haunting the MC telling her she can't change the fate of this world. That what she wrote is set in stone. But MC does. Through much struggle, she uses her chosen form of art to draw a different outcome for the fights, a different outcome of the story all while realizing that through her entire life her love for this fictional man has made her who she is and now it was her turn to save him regardless of canon.

And I just kept thinking " Yea, I can see the LaDs girlies doing this. " Each of the men in Lads are trapped in a tragedy and I can 100% see most of the fans, if given the opportunity to save them, even if it doesn't make for a "good" story (like the author in Zenshu says) would absolutely do it. The love between a real person and a fictional one isn't new, (shout out to Fushigi Yugi) nor is canon divergent stories (most otome villaness isekai) but the fact that she used her art to save him just hit a bit differently. That's fandom alright.

*Tries: I put an astriek because while the MC of LaDs IS supposed to be "us", the developers can only go so far so she still has her own personality and set look (as seen in all the official art) and while I can't see myself in her much (it really does feel like the guys are two-timing when you have a dark skin MC, kek) there's no denying that they are making an attempt and I appreciate that and happy for the women she does resemble. It bodes well for future games and if I had the money, resources and education, I know I'd make such a game.

Anyway that's it. Thanks for coming to my conversational rambling. I feel like there could be an actual essay made for this but I'm just typing this up during work hours and wanted to share.

#love and deepspace #lads #zenshu #rambles

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bluejay-the-geek · 1 year ago

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DC characters/moments as Tortured Poets Department songs/lyrics bc i have a light concussion and am very bored (in the album's chronological order)

(disclaimer before someone is triggered- some of the lyrics are taken out of context or interpreted differently than what they actually mean. this is just for fun don't come for me. also this gets pretty angsty towards the end so proceed with caution)

"I was supposed to be sent away, But they forgot to come and get me"- tim drake very obviously bc neglecting parents/boarding school

"I love you, it's ruining my life"- early harleen quinzel about joker

"My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys"- the whole song is just harley quinn idc (pre-harlivy of course)

"Now I'm down bad, cryin' at the gym"- nightwing def cried at the gym at some point

"I stopped tryna make him laugh, stopped tryna drill the safe"- dick grayson about bruce after moving out of wayne manor

"You swore that you loved me, but where were the clues? I died on the altar waitin' for the proof, You sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days"- remember the whole selena leaving bruce at the alter thing? yeah

"I'd rather burn my whole life down, Than listen to one more second of all this bitchin' and moanin', I'll tell you something 'bout my good name, It's mine alone to disgrace"- I'm just getting red hood vibes from this no specific reason

"Now, pretty baby, I'm runnin' back home to you, Fresh out the slammer, I know who my first call will be to"- almost every gotham rouge to batman right after escaping arkham/prison. especially joker, catwoman and riddler lol

"At the park where we used to sit on children's swings, Wearing imaginary rings"- this one specific panel of tim and steph

"And this city reeks of driving myself crazy"- everyone who's ever been to gotham

"All my girls got their lace and their crimes, And your cheating husband disappeared, well, No one asks any questions here"- it's giving gotham city sirens

"Am I allowed to cry?"- maybe it's just me but i thought about clark kent discovering he had different biological parents and grieving about them even though the parents that actually raised him are alive and well

"So I leap from the gallows and I levitate down your street, Crash the party like a record scratch as I scream, "Who's afraid of little old me?", You should be" red hood's debut

"The scandal was contained, The bullet had just grazed, At all costs, keep your good name, You don't get to tell me you feel bad"- jason todd about the whole making batman choose between him and joker at the end of under the red hood

"You wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me"- this is 100% Bane bc he was born and grew up in prison for a crime he didn't even do!! also cassandra cain and damian wayne

(^this is actually the lyric that inspired this entire post lol)

"You caged me and then you called me crazy, I am what I am 'cause you trained me, So who's afraid of me? Who's afraid of little old me?"- kind of a stretch but remember that time they put jason in arkham?

I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)- again the whole song is harley about joker

"Your arson's match, your somber eyes, And I'll still see it until I die, You're the loss of my life"- bruce about jason. out of all the robins that died, jason's death hit him the hardest. even now when bruce sees red hood, he still sees that happy little kid that he lost

"I can read your mind, "She's having the time of her life", There in her glittering prime, The lights refract sequin stars off her silhouette every night, I can show you lies"- bc we all know Nightwing is always dying on the inside, and it was very true in the discowing era bc it was right after he left the manor

"'Cause I'm a real tough kid, I can handle my shit"- jason pre-bruce

"I'm so obsessed with him, but he avoids me like the plague"- ok so we got joker about batman, cupid about green arrow, hush about bruce wayne... and a bunch of others but it's too many to write lol

"And you deserve prison, but you won't get time"- fucking tarantula that bitch

"The smallest man who ever lived"- the atom! not any of the messages in the song tho ofc he's just very small

"What if I told you I'm back? The hospital was a drag, Worst sleep that I ever had, I circled you on a map ,I haven't come around in so long, But I'm coming back so strong"- joker to batman after escaping arkham again

"I haven't come around in so long, But I'm making a comeback to where I belong"- jason coming back to protect crime alley after being away from gotham for years after his resurrection

"Even if it's handcuffed, I'm leavin' here with you"- batman and catwoman<3

I Hate It Here- imagine the whole song as homeless jason todd taking shelter in the library💔

"I built a legacy that you can't undo, But when I count the scars, there's a moment of truth, That there wouldn't be this if there hadn't been you"- bruce built a legacy as batman, and created a huge family he loves, and it hurts to think about but he wouldn't have any of it if joe chill hadn't murdered his parents

"Please, I've been on my knees, Change the prophecy, Don't want money, Just someone who wants my company"- kid bruce grew up all alone in a huge mansion, but he'd give all his billions away in a heartbeat if he could change his parent's fate

"So, they killed Cassandra first 'cause she feared the worst"- ok so you might think i chose cassandra cain for this only bc of the name, BUT- cass notices things others don't (like cassandra the prophet...), bc of her skills and abilities she is feared the most (Ik the song said "she feared" not "she is feared" but idc lol). like if someone knew so much about you just by looking you'd think she's some kind of a witch too

Peter- picture this: jason had a childhood friend back at crime alley. he left to live in wayne manor and become robin, and said goodbye to his old friend, promising they'd reunite again in the future. 3 years pass and his friend reads an article about jason's death. now listen to the song and try not to cry (if someone writes that fic send me the link IMMEDIATELY this has been haunting me) here's the link to the song with lyrics bc ik you're too lazy to look it up. also jason's middle name is peter:)

"Splendidly selfish, charmingly helpless, Excellent fun 'til you get to know her"- brucie wayne vs batman

"Started with a kiss, "Oh, we must stop meeting like this" But it always ends up with a town car speeding, Out the drive one evening"- catwoman and batman of course<3 the town car is the batmobile speeding out the batcave to catch catwoman (to arrest her or make out with her? probs both)

Robin- ofc we have to go robins for robin! imo that's bruce to dick and jason's robins, and dick to damian when he was his robin. dick and jason- despite the hard times they went through that led to them becoming robins, they were still mostly happy curious kids that run around covered in mud while bruce tried (unsuccessfully) to maintain the innocence they had left. as for damian- it's more of a stretch than the other 2 bc he had no childlike innocence before robin, but dick tried his hardest to extract the child that was hidden inside the ruthless assassin the league created, finally allowing him to experience normal kid things. idk

"He said, "I'm not a donor but, I'd give you my heart if you needed it", She rolled her eyes and said, "You're a professional""-to me this is clark kent completely in love and lois with her sass

"And at last, She knew what the agony had been for"- almost every hero. they suffer, they sacrifice, they fight, and sometimes they want to give up- but at the end of the day, they save lives, so it's all worth it

and that's it folks! feel free to add more/share your insights!!

sorry for any spelling/grammer mistakes, English isn't my first language plus like the title said i had a minor head injury a few days ago and I'm tired soI'm not proofreading this bc I'm going to sleep rn goodnight to all✌️

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abcthv9597 · 11 months ago

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Seeing Yoongi think this way hurts so bad! All these people have caused him enough pain and damage, I can't believe he really had to write such things! You never disappointed us Yoongi nor damaged your memories you made with the boys! Please don't believe all those people! I'm so fucking angry and sad, I can't explain you how much! I want to bang my head against a wall I can't believe they made him apologize again and feel this way...

All these people need to pay! I'm so disgusted by everything!

I can't believe that he really thinks something could change in his relationship with the other boys because we already know they have reassured him and told him nothing bad happened! That they will be as they were before and love him no matter what! But with the bullying all these people still do to him is understandable why he is not believing anyone. Still, this is so hard to watch, I don't know how many times I cried...

We need to show Yoongi that no one saw those pics and videos! Not even an ounce of them appeared on our timelines, we didn't search for them nor opened any articles! I don't know if he really knows this!

I wish all these people that harrassed him, bullying him and continue to do so never know peace, happiness again, to always remind themselves what they did to an innocent person! I know this will turn back to them and I hope it happens soon and it's 100+ times worse than this!

We all have been hurt by what Kmedia did to him and by the suffering and pain we know that he's in with the so many times he apologized but the one who has been hurt the hardest and most of all is only Yoongi! And it's a torture knowing what happened, what keeps happening and how he feels. I really wish I could reassure him myself and give him a warm hug. All this bullying these boys have endured all these years is disgusting and crazy. I can't believe a country is treating its national treasure this way. BTS was, is and will always be good people no matter what anyone says! And they were, are and will always be 7 no matter what anyone says!

Let's hope this is the last time he apologizes and I hope he is seeing all the support all over Twitter, Weverse and the charting of his songs in the charts! I just wish he can get over this as smoothly as he can and to not leave him any pain or doubtness about everything. In June of 2025 I hope he will be the Yoongi we know, always love and support!

Min Yoongi we will always love and support you no matter what! Same for all the boys. I pray that you will be physically and mentally well, not hard on yourself and to know that the boys and us support you and don't blame you🙏🏼🫂💜

#240825 #yoongi #min yoongi #bts #bangtan #admin thoughts #useriris

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moonspirit · 6 months ago

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This year has been a relentless struggle, as life always is—a cycle of endless hurdles and suffocating realities. I wanted to take a moment to thank you for writing and for being so kind, even when you may not realize the weight your words carry. I am trapped in a house that feels more like a cage, isolated from the world except for the strained, distant presence of siblings and the domineering shadow of a narcissistic father. Even among my siblings, we rarely speak; the silence is heavy, almost as if we’re strangers bound by circumstance rather than choice. My world outside these walls is limited to academic obligations, and even those are tightly controlled. Yet, since birth, I’ve always been terrible at connecting with others. Friendships require consistency and energy—traits I lack. Who would want a friend like me, someone who drifts in and out of existence, appearing only to vanish again for months on end? I am dull, uninterested, and uninterested in myself.

Whenever I begin to develop an interest, I destroy it purposefully because I know why my mind clings to these fleeting distractions. They’re not genuine passions; they’re survival mechanisms, desperate attempts to escape the bitter reality I cannot change. Occasionally, I allow myself to indulge, letting these illusions provide a fleeting sense of comfort. That’s what your writing has done for me—it offered a momentary reprieve from the hollow, relentless despair of my existence. Until now, I had never read a single fic, never considered them. Yours was the first, recommended by a stranger who mentioned it after I took a rare step to comment online, defending Annie—a small, unexpected moment that led me here. I don’t typically interact online, but this was different.

I’m sorry for spilling all this chaos at your feet; it’s just that your work has been a lifeline. After endless sleepless nights of work, when the emptiness inside me grew so vast it felt like it might swallow me whole, your world filled that void, even briefly. That void will always remain, a silent torment, but for a fleeting moment, your words dulled its sting. So thank you for that. Happy New Year—and may your words continue to reach others lost in their own darkness, giving them even a flicker of light.

Thank you for writing something that could pierce through the bleak monotony of my reality. In this hollow existence, where time feels more like a curse than a gift, your words were like shadows that spoke, reminding me that even in darkness, there’s something to hold onto, even if just for a moment. Your story didn’t try to fix anything—it didn’t need to. It gave me a mirror, a distraction, a small escape, and that is more than I could have asked for. So, thank you. Keep creating, even if the world feels too heavy. Sometimes, it’s the weight that gives depth. Happy New Year, and may your words continue to carve meaning into spaces that feel lost.

I apologize for making you read all that rant.

Hello Momo :3

First of all, very very Happy New Year to you too, and no apologies needed, I was glad to read all this. Very glad, thank you so much for sharing :3

I won't claim to understand 100% of what you're going through, simply because to say so would be a lie and also ignorant. Each person's demons are best understood by themselves, so all I can say is, I'm so sorry Momo :< This year's been hard on you, and you didn't deserve it. When you live in such isolation, trying to find some connection in other people can be the hardest thing ever, a truly daunting task which makes the smallest bump feel like a failure. We are just social animals, no matter how often we wake up in the mornings and decide "I don't want to see anybody today", living in an empty box is simply not possible for us.

You're right, friendships require consistency and energy, but they also require understanding and patience. The bad news is that not everyone has the latter two but the good news is that plenty of others do.

Re: your interests, for my part I'd like to say that there's absolutely nothing wrong in clinging to interests for the sake of survival, because... it's survival! To survive is a big deal, it matters on its own, it has great weight, and if you survived a day by hanging on to an interest that helped you pull through - that's actually wonderful, I believe. We shouldn't put interests on pedestals, they are not gods to be worshiped forever and ever. They are little colourful stones that we collect for fun, and we lose them of them, and find some new ones.

It is not my place to dictate what you should or shouldn't do, but can I maybe ask you to think about trying to love your interests, however fleeting, in 2025? Don't put them in the trophy showcase Momo. It's just a pile of nice stones you're collecting. If one makes a day better, then it's worth it even if you lose it later, because then you'll find another stone, and another.

As for VBEOW, I'm honestly incredibly happy it's serving its purpose. I started writing it for the exact same reason - to escape. Kald and Aruani and all the OCs and all the things that happen in this world, are things I find wonder in, like exploring a whole new world that I've never been to before. It was my sincere wish right from the start and still continues to be now, that it offers the same reprieve to someone else.

If you've found escapism in VBEOW, that's enough of a gift for me :3 And I'll do my very very best to continue giving, I promise this to you and everyone else who reads.

Thank you so much for all this, Momo, and please know, that there are many different kinds of people in this world and many of them will be kind to you, with understanding and patience.

For that, you have to pull through, year after year. You must. You absolutely must.

#and happy new year again :3!#you sent this twice but dont worry I got it the first time!#tumblr didn't swallow it haha xD #askies #momoisgrey #misc.#new year 2025

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greensagephase · 6 months ago

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So!!!

I haven't tried to draw Miguel in a while, and I'll definitely redraw it in the future, but here is a sneak peak of what my Miguel may look like.

I struggled so, so much with his features, you have no idea. Seeing him in 2D was... different. I had to learn to love him, but after closing my lap and then coming back to it after a break, I just couldn't stop thinking about how cute it had turned out! Especially the eyes, which were the most difficult part.

Now I just want to kiss his forehead! Look at him! He looks so soft, I can't

Also, I finally caught up with your story and ??? The most beautiful fic I've ever read for sure. I'm literally defending fanfiction as a literature genre with your story. Catching up was in my to do list alongside reading The Player (Fyodor Dostoyevski). I swear to you, I was skeptical of fanfic being an actual genre before because I grew up reading "classics" and I didn't have much exposure to more recent literature up until a few years ago. Most of the things I read in my free time are still at least a century old, but now, thanks to you, I'm the most avid defender of fanfic among my friends. I even used to be shy or even ashamed of saying I read fanfiction, but now, every time someone mentions Miguel O'Hara, I speak about this fanfic I've been obsessed with and how it's long enough to rival published novels. I even have a top of favorites moments of Miguel being vulnerable in your fanfic that made me say :

(Una disculpa por la grosería)

Anyway, enough rambling lol

I'm so happy you decided to take a break during the holidays! Everyone deserves a break during this time of the year. I promise I'll finish my drawings soon.

Take care!

Bye!

Omg, pookie!! YOUR MIGUEL LOOKS SO SWEET, SOFT, AND TENDER!! SUS OJITOS TIENEN TANTA TERNURA 🥺🥺 You drew him so well, coralskybunny!! And I understand what you mean 🥲 I drew other things before because I used to do bullet journaling when I was in school, but Miguel gave me the urge to want to learn how to draw people so I could draw him (his chokehold on me is unreal), but omg… This man is so HARD to draw! And, his eyes especially are one of the hardest (and beautiful) aspects to draw!

But you captured them so tenderly 🥹🥹 ALSO, I love the way you drew his hair, too!! He looks so soft and cute, and I also want to give him a forehead kiss (if I may). Your art is so, so amazing!! I hope that if you continue drawing, that you feel comfortable enough to share your progress in the future!! 💖💖💕

Also, omg!! I’m happy you caught up with NC and that you’ve enjoyed it. There was a lot to catch up on, so thank you so much for reading it!!🥺 And also eeeee, hehe!! I’m glad that my fanfic changed your mind about that. I know there’s people who have their personal opinions, which they’re entitled to, but what I don’t agree with it is how some people look down on it as if it’s the worst thing to exist when there are fanfics 100 times better than published books, like modern fiction books that get a lot of hype with not only bad writing, but also problematic elements. I’m not going to get into more detail, but I’m glad that my story has given you a newfound appreciation for fanfic writing❤️ Hopefully, you find other fanfics that you enjoy in every fandom you find yourself in because each fandom has great writers to support!!

SFEIJFIEFJHIDJFIE THE MEME (no te preocupes por la groseria)!!! 😭😭 Me, too, pookie, me, too!! I hope that Miguel in ATSV gets to show more vulnerability than we’ve already seen. I can only hope, and beg Sony! 😭🙏🏼 But thank you so much for that lovely comment! I’m touched that you have favorite moments from the fic that you wish became canon — that’s one of the best compliments I’ve received!! 🥹

And thank you!! You’re so right. Everyone deserves a little break this month to unwind, spend time with friends and family, and celebrate. I hope you’ve had a break yourself, and if you haven’t yet, that you soon have one before the year ends! I look forward to seeing your completed art and progress, which btw, is inspiring me to start drawing again! :))

Thank you for the ask and for sharing your art!! Pls take care, pookie, and I hope you have a fantastic New Year’s!!💖

Alondra❤️

#alondra’s answers 🍁#miguel o'hara #atsv miguel #spiderman 2099 #across the spiderverse #nonviolent communication #miguel spiderverse #miguel spiderman

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elizabethraywrites · 10 months ago

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Hello there!

I have been following your fan fiction for a while now and I’m in love with your writing. So, I’m so ecstatic that you’re continuing to write and publish your own book! I will definitely read it when it comes out. I’m more than certain it will be wonderful.

You can answer this privately or anonymously, and it’s 100% okay if you don’t want to answer, because it’s a bit of a personal question.

I want to publish my own book as well, but there’s so many steps I don’t know of. If you don’t mind me asking, is it difficult to publish a book? How do you do it?

I’m so sorry if this is personal, and by all means, you don’t have to answer. It’s just been my dream to publish a book for so long, and I wanted to gather information so I know what comes ahead as a writer.

Thank you! <3

Hi!

Thank you so much for bringing your love for my fanfiction over here to my own original work. Your support truly fuels me on the daily. I can't wait to share my original work one day.

I've been holding off on answering this Ask because I wasn't sure if I was qualified enough to answer it, but I've been motivated recently by the empowering thought of, "fuck it..." so here we go. 🙂

First of all, I'm so happy you wish to publish your own book as well!! The amount of people attempting to publish a book, self or traditional, admittedly feels alarmingly saturated at times, but I always have to remind myself that my story matters and it is unique. Yours is too, whatever it may be! There's an endless amount of stories to be told and that is a beautiful thing; it is not something that should deter us from doing what we love.

To be honest, I still don't know everything that needs to be done in order for me to self-publish a book. Or maybe I do and I've just been overwhelmed by the amount of information that is out there.

This checklist is something that has been extremely helpful to me. There are so many things I hadn't thought about such as taxes and ISBNs and everything it takes to design a cover. There are a lot of things that Amazon helps you do if you choose to go through them, such as a cover template and automatically giving you an ISBN.

I would say, overall, it is difficult. But this is coming from me as a writer that has yet to become an author. I'm sure once I do self-publish something for the first time, it'll come easier to me. Obviously lol. But I am absolutely still in the researching and learning phase of it all.

Other random tips you didn't ask for, but ones that came to mind while answering this:

I would have a large chunk of your writing done before you go to make an socials or following, as much as possible before you decide that it's impossible to contain your excitement any longer

On the topic of social media...do not try to take on all platforms. Find one or two that you truly enjoy creating content for and focus on those. Trying to do it all is encouraged yet unrealistic

Reach out to people that are on this journey or have already published something. It's always nice to talk to people who have already done what you're striving to do

Most importantly, try your very hardest to not be discouraged by the success of others, whether it be what they've published, the attention they're getting compared to you, etc. Comparison is inevitable and the resulting imposter syndrome can be crippling at times. But you are important, your story is important, and your success will come to you.

I wish you nothing but the best of luck in pursuing your dreams! What a magical time for you. ❤️

#ask elizabeth #self-publishing tips

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paladin--strait · 8 months ago

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hi! not sure if you're doing the hockey hearts anymore (but if you're not, feel free to ignore this request). i really love this idea, and i'm very curious to see my match!

league: nhl

interests: reading, writing, traveling, working (i'm 100% a workaholic)

physical preference: i love brown eyes!

love language: physical touch

extras: as much as i like to go out and do things, i'm a homebody and would love just staying at home, getting take out, and watching a movie.

thank you!

your match is...

connor mcdavid!

connor is ABSOLUTELY the most caring boyfriend ever! he takes care of you so well and always makes sure that you're happy. does anything to cheer you up if you're sad.

connor is a workaholic also, having been a very studious kid in school when he was younger. i would say that he is definitely one of the hardest working players in the league right now and it shows. he is always at the rink or practicing at home. he also loves going to the gym. so when he comes home and is just resting, he spends his time with you and just relaxes with you. he is definitely a cuddle bug, always having his arms around you at some point. has no shame when it comes to his love for you!

since connor plays hockey, he obviously has to go to away games. he'll take you with him to a lot of away games since you love traveling so much! he takes you to stores and restaurants that are only in that area for you to shop until you drop and eat all you can! he supports you in everything you do and is always proud of you no matter what.

connor offers for you to come to his house so he can cook for you on your first date. obviously, anyone would be nervous about going to someone's house on a first date, but you weren't nervous at all with connor because from the moment you first spoke to him, you had the best feeling about him. he cooks you a fancy dinner and serves it to you, smiling wide. at the end of the date, he tells you that he enjoyed having you over for dinner and then he offers to get you tickets to his upcoming home game for your next date, taking you out to dinner after. do you accept?

#nhl #hockey #paladin's fics!#creds: paladin #hockey hearts dating service!#edmonton oilers #oilers hockey #oilers #connor mcdavid #connor mcdavid x reader

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shesamreads · 18 days ago

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Some of my favorite short stories have come from these Amazon Short Story collections. There are quite a few that I go back to reread or re-listen to.

Emergency Skin by N.K. Jemisin and narrated by Jason Isaacs is so well written and hopeful. Ankle Snatcher by Grady Hendrix has been on my mind almost every bed time since I read it.

This latest collection, The Shivers Collection, is well written, as always, but the stories were hit-or-miss for me. Every story was about family, but Jackknife was the only on that wasn't about children. I think that's why? After having Teacup, reading stuff about kids, especially in the horror genre, has been difficult.

I'm putting my actual thoughts of each story under a cut because I probably can't talk about 30-ish page stories without potential spoilers, so...

The Indigo Room by Stephen Graham Jones: Full disclosure, I have only read Stephen's writing through these short stories. I feel like I don't "get it." I want to read some of his longer stuff to see if that'll change.

Jennifer is in a meeting in the Indigo Room and starts 'hallucinating' that her coworkers are missing body parts. She, understandably, freaks out. It turns out she has a premonition.

This whole story is all a set up for her to see her son. And the real horror is basically her thinking "what if my son falls down the cement steps and dies. It'd be quicker and less painful (for me) if he dies here instead of maybe dying when he's older." Like, Jennifer. Your son isn't guaranteed to die. You know that from earlier. And you already know about his condition! And your ex-husband survived his issue! Don't push your kids down the cement steps! Damn.

Jackknife by Joe Hill: I think this was my favorite one, because the main character was a dick and 100% deserved everything he got in the end. Dennis is a married college professor that was inappropriate towards a student. He gets caught and basically blames everyone but himself ("she started it," "sexting isn't infidelity"). During his semi-self-imposed exile, he finds a tree that has DO NOT TOUCH written on it, and a jackknife stuck into it. And Dennis, who Should Know Better but doesn't, PULLS THE KNIFE OUT OF THE TREE. And the the Evil Tree slowly follows him. And then crashes through his rental and pins him down so he has to use the titular jackknife to 127 Hours his way out. End Scene. (get fucked, Dennis.)

The Blanks by Grady Hendrix: “'Mistakes' is too small a word for the things parents do." This is the only highlight I had for this story, but goddamn if that ain't the truest quote.

Rachel and her family have a summer house on an island, and everything is Perfect. They eat together! They hang out! They have dinner with friends! At the end of summer, they go home happy!

But not this summer. (not last summer either, but that was a different family and nothing bad could happen to YOUR family, right, Rachel?)

Everyone on this island knows but doesn't talk about The Blanks. Which are beings that inhabit this island and don't want to be perceived. Or like, don't perceive humans unless the humans perceive them first? Whichever it is, if you acknowledge them, you're marked for death and they kill you. And Rachel's youngest sees one and kind of wants to talk about it. And then, when they come for him, RACHEL AND HER HUSBAND LET THEM. Bless them, they gave him something so hopefully he didn't feel anything. But Jesus Christ. I'd be in there fighting every goddamn Blank if they came for Teacup.

I want to pick Grady's brain about this one so bad. I want backstory! I want a Rachel revenge story! I want lore. Throw me a bone, Grady!

Night and Day in Misery by Catriona Ward: Oh man. This one was the hardest one for me. Stella lost both her estranged husband and her son eight years ago, and is having trouble dealing. She's come back to where the died, and is thinking of joining them. Her son, moreso than her husband. Her son's ghost stops her, and shows her what actually happened that night. And goddammit. Holy shit. I hope that man is burning in hell. I know he's fictional, but if that man died a thousand deaths, it would not be enough. I hugged my daughter so tight, and (I hate to admit it) gave G a wide berth for a little bit. I was affected.

Letter Slot by Owen King: A teenager and his mother are struggling because (capitalism) his mother's disability. A substitute teacher gives his class a throwaway assignment that changes his life. He writes a letter to no one in particular, about his life and his troubles.And, for some unknown reason (that we will find out at the end of the story) he puts it through the mail slot of an abandoned building. And someone writes back! And grants wishes?! For a price: a name. just a name of someone he hates. They'll get some bad luck and he'll get some good luck.

Some people get hurt, and while they don't deserve it, their hurts hurt people who do. And the teenager and his mother, related but unrelated, get better luck. Money and better jobs. But this teenager, who's name I remember as Benjamin, keeps talking to this person and gets a lore drop from his mom. And this Pal may have been his dad. And since he's feeling guilty, and since this dad!ghost/demon hurts not the names he gets, but the people close to those names, maybe!Ben puts HIS MOM'S NAME through that door slot. End Scene.

Overall, I liked this collection. Each story was interesting and unique. They made me feel things, though maybe not exactly what the author intended. Jackknife was definitely my favorite, which is unsurprising because I enjoy Joe Hill.

And I still want more Blank info, Grady!

#SheSamReads #The Shivers Collection #The Indigo Room #Stephen Graham Jones #Jackknife #Joe Hill #The Blanks #Grady Hendrix #Night and Day in Misery #Catriona Ward #Letter Slot #Owen King #horror #Short Stories #Emergency Skin #N. K. Jemisin #Ankle Snatcher #2025 #Book Reviews

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slothquisitor · 1 month ago

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"As for Camina taking personal responsibility for the Crows…I wouldn’t worry too much about that. I think the difference here is that the Crossroads is the catalyst, but the issues have existed long before that."

True, true... I suppose my real worry (that I wasn't really able to articulate accurately) is that Cam might feel bad for not see the issue earlier and/or that she'll feel like she added another cog to the unfair system. Again, I full acknowledge I'm talking while wearing a tinfoil hat here, but I imagine it would only take one person extrapolating what Rook said when she handed over the Crossroads to the Veil Jumpers and applying it to the current situation to make her have the nagging sense that this is somehow her fault/responsibility (even if she reasonably wouldn't have noticed considering she isn't from Antiva and, among other things, she had preventing the end or the world, trying to help rebuild the world, and more than her fair share of personal issues taking up the majority of her time, energy, and attention). After all, Rook is a figurehead who declared she stands for equality so it wouldn't be far fetched if someone were to apply said figurehead to their own cause (with or without said figurehead's direct endorsement). Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if someone tried to claw Camina into the situation by expecting that she would/will explicitly support their side or the other. This is why I like how unafraid you are of letting all of this stuff be messy, because it means this can play out in any number of ways.

Anyway, tinfoil hat off, I know you're anxious, but I honestly adore your writing so much in large part because you do such a good job at writing messy situations with no easy or clean 'Good Answers', but more importantly those messy situations feel genuine and like they come about from scenarios that feel real (like- I can totally buy the current complicated social/economic/political mess of a web as the natural consequence of the environment it's in and the actions of everyone involved as believable actions people in said environment and dealing with said messy web would do—even if said actions are flawed because people are biased, have blind spots, and are fallible). For example, as soon as I read Viago more or less brushing off the fact that other people were absolutely going to be upset with his stranglehold over access to the Crossroads from Treviso (if they already weren't), I was wincing (compliment) at just how big of a mistake that could be while still 100% buying it as a mistake that he could/would make (being paranoid doesn't make him immune to being overconfident, reckless, or just simply overlooking something).

Anyway, this once again got more long-winded than I initially intended. 🙃 Oh well... *pat pat on the wonderful sloth's head—if I'm allowed, of course* Take care of yourself and happy writing! 👋

~ToBP

Oh ToBP, I mean....yeah, I do think there are some expectations of whose side she'd be on here, where she's been so clearly standing up for the 'little guy' so to speak. I don't want to spoil too much. We haven't gotten into it much in the fic (yet!), but there is definitely supposed to be tension between Viago's hold of the Crossroads and Camina. She's seeing it causing issues, and she's juggling SO much, but it'll be a thing. I'm glad that you also like the messiness of it all. It's for sure one of the things I'm working hardest at with this fic. And there aren't clean solutions! It also makes my job hard lmao. Really played myself there.

Your compliment is so, so, so, kind. Thank you. One good thing about maturing as both a writer and a person is sort of...feeling like I can allow characters to make choices that are clearly bad. Viago is a great example of this. I still adore him as a character, but his ambition for power is blinding him in so many ways. He absolutely would turn this ability to hold the Crossroads himself into an opportunity. No one ever introduce this man to Excel. It'd be over for all of us.

I love when you're long-winded, ToBP. Truly. Sloth pats are always allowed <3. I'm grading for AP this week, and it has claimed so much of my brain power already, but your messages are really making my day (and providing a reward to get to answer them once I hit grading thresholds).

#sloth answers #you're really right on the money in so many ways here #and i just can't....talk about it #lmao #but the fact you're even THERE tells me the groundwork is there #it's great

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philhoffman · 1 year ago

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Loving Phil comes as easily to me as breathing. Easier, sometimes. From the first moment we met through the screen. Much like Paul Thomas Anderson, I saw PSH make a single gesture—a little smirk, barely able to restrain his soft smile, intelligent and warm—and fell in love with him. Or, more accurately, I saw him and was overcome by the feeling he was special, that he would be an important person in my life. And now here we are.

I’ve found myself saying the same thing a lot lately—“There are no words,” or something to that effect. The enormity of Phil’s loss, his absence over the last 10 years, is mind-boggling. It’s crushing. There are many great works of art and music and literature and film about grief and loss, warnings about what pain this intense could feel like, but even the masters can only capture a fleeting moment of it. It truly exists beyond words.

Equally impossible to capture in words is the good, the beautiful, the glimmers of hope and love. It's often beyond mere glimmers—seeing the world through Phil's eyes is a sledgehammer of life. For a few years I've kept a notebook just for my thoughts to him. I was thumbing through it last night and read an entry in which I said the enormity of the happiness I felt since he entered my life was unlike anything I'd experienced before. It's far beyond a crush on an actor, lol. It's—words are failing me—absolutely everything. His films, his soul, his eyes, his community, all the words, the way he's shaped how I see my life, my relationships, my future, my world. I can't overstate it, really. He's stitched into the fabric now, the blood in my veins, his heart beating in my chest, arm around my shoulder. The most important artist and person I've ever known.

So there won’t ever be enough words to fully capture what every frame, every laugh, every freckle, every moment means—but there are a couple words that say enough for now, tonight, 10 years after Phil’s death. Like—I love you. Like—I miss you and I’m sorry and 46 is so, so young. Like—every night and every day, somewhere in the world, someone is watching one of your film’s and laughing or crying or raging or smiling along with you. You said you hoped the art would outlive you, outlive all of us, and it does, it will, and you’re always part of it and with us and remembered.

Like—now having the privilege to know your wonderful family and community, it’s easy to see how you turned out to be such a kind, thoughtful man and generous, passionate artist. Their refrain is true—great actor, even better friend.

Like—countless individuals are in recovery and alive because of you, whether they’re 10 years or 100 days or 1 hour sober. The support you offered friends and strangers during your life, the impact of your death from a drug overdose—I can’t begin to guess how many people you helped, how many even I've spoken to who credit you with helping to save their lives.

What I'm writing now is one of the hardest things I've ever tried to say in my life, I can't stop tearing up. I hope I get it right. This is the 10th anniversary of Phil's death—his life is now a decade away from us in the past, a milestone I've been dreading, a reality that shocks and breaks my heart.

Grief is timeless and endless. There are moments when it hurts just as badly as that first day. But with time, hopefully, that most intense pain bubbles up less often. It comes up on anniversaries, special occasions, when the sunlight and the breeze hit you just right, when little signs and reminders show up—but not every day. I think that's healthy. When I was relatively new to this loss, the pain fresh but I was deep, deep within it, I used to think, "How did anyone who loved him survive? Why aren't we all screaming all the time?" I understand now. Today I fell to the floor and cried and screamed about it—yesterday, too—but I don't every day, not anymore.

The grief is ever-present but it changes. The change hurts. It can feel like a betrayal, like guilt, like abandonment. That's the season of grief I'm in, weird complicated emotions I'm struggling with. I've felt it in my gut ahead of this anniversary and kept it bottled up so tightly, ashamed. "Letting go" are the words that kept coming to mind, but I fucking hate that phrase. I'm not letting go of anything. But tonight I heard from two of the people closest to Phil, who both shared the same feeling that this year is different. That maybe Phil is telling us that it's okay to move forward—not move on, move forward—and find new ways to love and honor and remember him. Let go of the ways that aren't serving us or him anymore. There will always be new ones. He is buried so deep in our hearts, in who we are, that we could never be separated—we will always find him.

In a way, a weight is lifted off my chest. In another way, I've been crying so hard I'm going to be sore tomorrow. Nothing is going to change in my day-to-day, I think. I can't even imagine what would. But this is a new step of our journey, I can feel it in my chest. Of my journey, at least. I'm terrified and hopeful and so, so, so deeply in love and in gratitude with this incredible, larger-than-life, beautiful force of a human who changed the world—the whole world, and my world. Blessed doesn't begin to cover how I feel knowing my life is tied to his, that I'll be learning from him for the rest of my days. I'm still beyond devastated his were cut short so soon.

I love you, Phil. The man, the spirit. Nothing else matters more than that. I love you.

(Oh, and I'll always buy the donuts. For you, for us. Always. I promise.)

#a decade? it's only time. we're still closer than ever #*#angel of the cosmos #I may not be able to respond right away I think I'm going to sleep for three days #but I am here to talk. if anyone wants to. I promise I'll get back to you as soon as I can

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mrmustachious · 7 months ago

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Header image and questions from @ficwip! You can find the list of questions here <3

How many fics have you worked on since January?

157 total fics, including one shot collections posted into one ao3 work.

What’s something new that you tried in a fic this year?

Writing 100 Drabbles! I've never attempted to write drabbles before, and this was a fun and interesting challenge.

What piece of media inspired you the most? (This can be the fandom you wrote the most for, the one that spawned the most ideas, the one you thought about the most, etc.)

Definitely Thunderbirds as always.

How many fandoms did you write for this year?

2 (Thunderbirds and 9-1-1: Lone Star)

What ships captured your heart?

Pen&Ink was the one I wrote the most for, but I probably spent more time thinking about Tarlos.

What characters captured your heart?

Gordon Tracy (ofc <3) and Carlos Reyes.

Did you write for any new fandoms or ships this year?

Nope

What fic meant the most to you to write?

there’s no one I can trust, I used to think there was

I put a lot of love and care into that fic. It's one of my favourites I've ever written. I loved every second I spent writing it and I'm still so proud of it.

What fic made you feel the happiest to work on?

two hearts that beat in the rhythm of one

This fic is just a load of love and sweetness and it just made me so happy to write. I would love to write more for this universe.

What fic was the most satisfying to finish writing?

Whump 100

I was chipping away at this fic all year determined to finish it by the end of the year, so it was very satisfying to finish all 100 drabbles.

What fic was the most difficult to write?

aAsWlAeKeEp

This fic went through several rewrites until I got it to a place I wanted it to be. It was really difficult to try and portray what I was picturing in my head, but eventually I was happy with it and I love the finished product.

What fic was the easiest to write?

This is hard to pick just one, a lot of them were pretty easy actually, especially the shorter ones.

What were your shortest and longest fics posted this year?

Shortest are probably the drabbles I wrote at 100 words each, the longest is there’s no one I can trust, I used to think there was at 13k words.

What were your go-to writing songs?

Anything by Citizen Soldier. I listened to them a lot this year.

What was the hardest fic to title?

Some of my Whumptober fics were hard to title, hense why they're just named after the prompts XD

What's your favorite title of the year?

aAsWlAeKeEp

I have yet to see anyone comment on it though... XD

Share your favorite opening line

Penelope stood at the edge of the sea.

(AU (Elementals))

Share your favorite ending line

Hopefully, he wouldn’t dream this time.

(aAsWlAeKeEp)

Share your favorite piece of dialogue

“I think that you two have an unbreakable bond, but without realising it, you’ve been putting too much strain on it over the years. It’s not going to snap, it never will, but it will weaken. I think it already has.”

(there’s no one I can trust, I used to think there was)

Share your funniest line

It must have been a sight. Gordon and Virgil bleeding, John white as a sheet, Scott looking haggard and on the verge of tears, and Alan-

“Alan’s stuck in the tree,” was the first thing he said to her.

“Right,” she said, with a single nod.

(Babysitting)

What's something that surprised you while you were working on a fic? Did it change the story?

I didn't expect there’s no one I can trust, I used to think there was to get as dark as it did, but adding the darker themes of Gordon's past just added to the story and explained much better why he was the way he was and the way he acted.

What writing programs did you use? Did you write by hand?

Mainly Google Docs and Fighter's Block.

If you had to choose one, what was THE most satisfying writing moment of your year?

Completing Whumptober for the 6th year.

Did you do anything special to celebrate finishing a fic?

Start a new one XD

How did you recharge between fics?

Either watching a show, playing a game, or reading.

Did you create fanworks other than fic?

How many events did you take part in? (bangs, exchanges, ship weeks, zines, prompt memes, they all count!)

Whumptober, 12 Days of Christmas, and 100 Drabble Collection: Whump Edition

If this were an awards show, who would you thank?

ME. jk, probably my fandom friends and readers <3

What's left on your to-do list for 2024?

Maybe some more winter themed fics. I have a few I have yet to post, but it would be nice to try and write more!

What would you like to write next year?

I want to reach my 200th ao3 work! I have a fic I have been working on for a little while now and I want to finally get on with writing it and finish it, and post it for number 200.

#thunderbirds #thunderbirds are go #gordon tracy #thunderfam #911 lone star

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