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rubycruzin4abruzin · 8 months ago

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Forbidden Crown - IV

Summary: Your dreaded twentieth birthday has finally arrived, and you and your parents set off to Tir Asleen for one final time to plan your wedding to Prince Airk. However, at the celebration dinner, Sorsha delivers some shocking news, sending Kit into a spiral and creating conflict within the castle.

Pairing: kit tanthalos x princess!reader

Contains: angst, fighting, kissing, non-explicit mention of vomiting, forced marriage trope, mommy issues

Word Count: 3.6k

A/N: this was supposed to be the smut chapter, but I decided to divide the two, since it seemed odd to add sexy time to such a dark chapter. Apologies in advance for all the angst, I promise it won’t last forever!

Ever since your mother’s announcement of your engagement, each birthday after your fifteenth seemed to creep up, startling you out of nowhere and filling your stomach with existential dread. The once joyous celebrations now felt like ticking time bombs, every well-wish serving as a countdown to a life you never wanted.

On the morning of your twentieth birthday, you woke up to nothing but nausea. When your handmaiden entered your room to get you ready for the day, she found you kneeled over your chamberpot, heaving up the shallow remains of your stomach's content. Needless to say, your twentieth birthday was spent hidden under your covers, drinking ginger tea and being waited on hand-and-foot.

Alas, it was only a matter of time before you began to feel better. After several days of sickness, your body had nothing more to heave. The moment some color started to return to your pale cheeks, your parents ushered you into the carriage and set off for Tir Asleen, where you would stay for two months while preparing for your wedding to Prince Airk Tanthalos.

As usual, the road to Tir Asleen was long and slow. You tried to numb yourself to your parents' endless chatter, but your mother decided to fuss over your appearance throughout the entire trip, as if you were a child again.

“This is the first time you’ve seen your fiancé in five years,” she would say. “You’ve grown into a lovely young woman since, it is important for Airk to notice!”

Your cheeks instinctually puffed out at the word ‘fiancé,’ but your stomach was so empty from the long illness that nothing could come up even if it wanted to. Instead, you opted for tucking your head in between your knees, closing your eyes and muffling all unwanted noise from the outside world.

Eventually, the gentle clip-clop of the carriage horse faded as you reached the front of the Tir Asleen castle. You uncovered your head and allowed your parents to exit first, using the extra seconds to let your blood flow redistribute itself.

After hearing the sound of your mother squealing pleasantries from outside, you decided to make your presence known. You stepped out of the carriage to see your mother engulfing Airk in a bear hug, showering him with words of flattery while he chuckled nervously and tried to mask his discomfort. Your father, who had been exchanging formalities with Queen Sorsha, was now gently patting his wife’s back, attempting to subtly pry her off the poor boy.

While you stood watching the amusing display from your family, you didn’t even notice Kit approaching you from behind, wrapping her arms around your waist and leaning into your ear.

“Good morrow, beautiful.” She whispered, her warm breath against your neck causing you to shudder involuntarily.

“Beautiful?” You giggled. “Be careful, our parents' eyes could be upon us.”

“Nonsense,” she replied, planting a soft kiss on your jawline. “They’re much too focused on my brother. It’s just one of the benefits of being the black sheep of the family.”

Sure enough, Kit was right. Your father had managed to successfully pry your mother away from Airk, and now both your parents were bombarding him with questions about his life the last five years while Sorsha stood proudly beside him.

With one final squeeze, Kit loosened her grasp until you could turn around to get a good look at her. She had always been pretty, at least in your eyes, but over the years had grown into a stunning young lady. Her hair was no longer a muddy indigo black, but rather restored back to her natural chocolate-brown, and styled akin to the tresses of woodland sprites. She had grown into herself, with her face defined by striking cheekbones and eyes that seemed to get bluer with every visit. The fabric of her tunic clung to her skin, accentuating every new curve as well as the definition on her upper arms, muscular from combat training.

Before you could even begin to speak, Kit placed her hands on either side of your head and ran them through your hair, gazing down at you lovingly. “Truly, beautiful.”

“I do apologize for her appearance, Prince Airk! She doesn’t usually look this dreadful! She’s been terribly ill!”

You turned around to see your mother leading Airk over to you, speaking loudly about your demeanor. Any confidence inspired by Kit vanished at her harsh remarks, and you drew into yourself.

“Good morrow, Princess,” Airk greeted you with an awkward bow and a tight-lipped smile. Ever since you audibly gagged and ran off after taking his first kiss, the two of you hadn’t necessarily spoken.

You cleared your throat, offering back a perfunctory curtsy. “And to you as well.”

“My, my! Someone has grown quite slender!” Sorsha’s voice called out, approaching the four of you with your father in tow.

You looked down at yourself. Sure enough, your ailment had withered you away, making your once perfectly-fitting gown now hang off you like the tendrils of a willow tree. Your mother noticed this too, because she immediately inserted herself between you and Airk to resume nitpicking your appearance.

“Oh, I’m terribly sorry, Airk and Sorsha! My daughter has had an illness. She’s feeling well now, but she still looks absolutely dreadful! I’m sure her gowns will fit right in due time, but…” she turned her attention towards your face. “…darling! Your complexion! You resemble a ghostly wight! Couldn’t you have bothered to apply a touch of rouge?”

“You’ve raised a beautiful daughter, your highness.” Kit stepped to your side and snaked her arm around your waist. Your breath hitched at her touch, and you worried your parents may catch on to your secret with how bold she was being. Still, you tried to hide the blush that crept onto your cheeks after she stood up for you.

Your mother looked between you and Kit, and you could've sworn you saw her eyes flicker with a hint of suspicion. However, she simply grimaced in Kit’s direction, offering pleasantries purely for display. “Yes, well, much obliged, Kit.”

Kit responded with a grin that was polite, yet cocky. Your mother cleared her throat, quickly recomposing herself before taking your hand and joining it with Airk��s.

“I must say, you two, I am absolutely elated for this union! A royal wedding, why I don’t believe I’ve attended one since my own! The two of you make a very attractive pair.”

Airk forced a grin in your direction, looking down at your conjoined hands instead of at you. As your mother continued to ramble on about the party planning, you peered over Airk’s shoulder and noticed a blond girl standing in the distance, carrying a serving tray, and glaring daggers into your soul…

“That would be Muffin Girl,” Kit explained later that day when you asked about the mysterious blond. The two of you had managed to break away from the group long enough to take a leisurely stroll through the Tir Asleen gardens.

“Muffin Girl?” You inquired.

“That or Miss Muffin, whichever you’d prefer.”

You shot her a quizzical expression, causing her to chuckle heartily. “Well it’s not her real name, clearly. She’s one of the kitchen maids, and her signature dish are these buttered muffins she serves at breakfast.”

“She was glaring at me earlier while my mother discussed wedding plans,” you said. “I almost thought she would break her tray in half.”

Kit hummed in agreement. “Jealousy. It makes sense. She is my brother's latest lover.”

“Pardon?” You froze in your tracks, eyes wide and mouth agape.

Kit leaned back against a tree, crossing her arms and gazing at you with a pointed brow. “I hate to inform you, Princess, but my brother has become quite the ladies’ man since your ‘dalliance’ in the courtyard. Muffin Girl is just his latest conquest.”

You couldn’t believe your ears. Sure, you didn’t love Airk, or were even remotely attracted to him, but he was still your betrothed.

Kit smirked at your stunned expression. “Surely you’re not jealous, are you?” She moved closer until her face was mere inches from yours. “I can’t imagine it would drive you mad. My brother, your fiancé, rolling around in the grass with a scullion? Cheeks flushed, legs intertwined, her leaving little bruises on his…”

You cut her off with a playful smack on the shoulder. “Hold your tongue, Tanthalos.” She giggled at her lighthearted taunts, causing a smile to spread across your face. “I’m not jealous, rather shocked. He’s engaged… to me… and Queen Sorsha is allowing this affair?”

With another chuckle, Kit teasingly ruffled your hair. “Oh Princess… you really assume my mother is at all aware?”

You gasped, leaning in closer to Kit to whisper. “She doesn’t know?”

“I’m sure she suspects something, what with the aforementioned bruises, but knowing my mother, she’d rather stay with the mindset that her son is still a moralistic virgin.”

Kit pulled you in closer, pressing your body against hers until your noses barely brushed together. “I suppose this is just one more secret between us, don’t you think Princess?”

You giggled, quickly making sure the coast was clear before wrapping your arms around her neck and pulling her in for a sweet kiss.

That evening, the six of you gathered for a hearty supper to celebrate your reunion. Servants bustled about carrying various dishes, including the mysterious ‘muffin girl.’ You couldn’t help but observe the longing glances exchanged between her and Airk, lingering between each course like a seed caught between teeth.

Just as you and Kit were stifling a laugh over their latest lust-filled gaze, Queen Sorsha rose, tapping silverware against her raised glass. The table quieted, all eyes fixed on the regal woman as you awaited her speech.

“Friends, family,” she began. “I am pleased that we’ve all gathered here this evening to begin wedding plans for the Prince of Tir Asleen and the Princess of Azarenth.”

Your parents clapped excitedly. Airk stared down at his lap while you and Kit exchanged vexed glances.

“Even more pleased,” Sorsha continued. “That the forthcoming ceremony will feature an extra element, making it a profoundly rare occasion!”

Her words puzzled you, and a quick look around the table confirmed that the twins seemed just as confused. Your parents however, shared knowing grins, clearly in on the secret.

“The King and Queen of Azarenth have graciously agreed to turn their daughter’s wedding into a double wedding!” Sorsha turned to meet her daughter’s gaze. “Kit…”

You whipped around to face Kit, who stared at her mother, frozen, her expression a mixture of confusion and fear. “You remember when we discussed the Prince of Galladoorn, don’t you?”

Kit nodded. “Sure we discussed him, but then he fell out of a tree and died, right?”

“Kit!” Sorsha scolded before quickly recomposing herself. “It’s true, Dermot Hastur had an untimely death,” she held her glass to her heart solemnly. “However, it appears Galladoorn is still interested in an alliance, and King Hastur has a younger son, Graydon.”

Your heart dropped as you realized what Sorsha was saying. Glancing back at Kit, you saw her face now stricken with terror. “Mother… no…”

Ignoring her daughter, Sorsha simply raised her glass again. “It’s my pleasure to announce the engagement of Prince Graydon Hastur to my daughter, Princess Kit Tanthalos!”

“No!” Kit exclaimed.

“What?” The shriek came from a disembodied voice. Only after you received shocked expressions from each member of the table did you realize the voice was yours.

Your mother squinted at you, the corners of her mouth flickering sardonically. “My dear, I didn’t expect you to be upset at sharing the limelight! After all, you and Kit are such good… friends.”

You glared at your mother head-on, suppressing every urge to lunge at her from across the table. She said nothing more, instead turning away to innocently sip her wine.

Kit was in the midst of her own altercation, arguing her case with pleading eyes. “Mother, please… I cannot marry Prince Graydon!”

“And just why not?” Sorsha demanded. “Prince Graydon is an esteemed young man, his parents speak very highly of him.”

“I’ve never even met him!” Kit’s voice wavered in stifled sobs.

“You will before the wedding, now that is quite enough! It is your duty to your kingdom. I don’t want to hear another word about this until the alliance is signed, and that is final!”

Kit slammed her hands on the table, tears falling as she ran away. Sorsha screamed after her until the sound of her bedchamber door slamming reverberated across the room. The table fell silent, none of you knowing where to look. After a moment, Airk cleared his throat, breaking the tension as he rearranged the silverware on his plate.

“May I be excused, mother?” He muttered.

Sorsha sighed, dismissing him with a wave of her hand. He got up quietly, exiting the room and making a beeline for Kit’s door. The remaining four of you resumed picking at your food, the sound of silverware scratching against glass dishes only deepening the stillness of the room.

As you pushed your food around, you couldn’t help but steal glances in the direction of Kit’s door. You turned to your mother, wanting to speak.

“Let it be a passing thought,” she denied your unspoken request, not bothering to look up from her plate.

Fortunately, dinner didn't drag on much longer after the commotion subsided. Once everyone had hastily departed from the table, you made your way to Kit’s room and positioned yourself outside her door. Kit’s muffled sobs mingled with Airk’s whispered words from the other side of the wooden barrier, causing you to pause before entering, afraid of disrupting them.

Just when you were about to throw caution to the wind and grasp the handle, the door swung open, revealing Airk. He startled at your unexpected presence and closed Kit’s door behind him.

“Uh… hi…” he muttered lamely.

“Hello there,” you replied softly.

The two of you stood silently in front of Kit’s door, a multitude of unanswered questions hanging in the air that neither of you knew how to ask.

“She’s, uh…” Airk broke the silence, jerking his head towards Kit’s door. “…having a difficult time coming to terms… with everything.”

You nodded slowly. “Were you… able to get through to her? At all?”

“Inconsolable,” he admitted regretfully. “I haven’t seen her this distraught since… our father…”

You winced, recalling the initial heartbreak Kit faced when her father’s letters stopped arriving ten years ago.

“I understand…” he continued. “I also know what it’s like to be forced into a loveless marriage.”

His gaze bore into yours, carefully chosen words that riddled you with guilt. You knew you had no right to hurt feelings after that night in the courtyard, but you couldn’t help the sharp pang that hit your chest like a piercing arrow.

“Airk…” you sighed, overwhelmed with remorse. “Please let me apologize for that night…”

“No need,” he interrupted coolly. “It’s really quite alright…”

“It’s not,” you insisted. “My reaction… I assure you… had nothing to do with your character, or your appearance, or anything, really. It wasn’t about you, it was never about you, it…” you took a deep breath, your secret weighed on your shoulders as if it was carved from stone. “Airk… I’m in love with someone else.”

Airk looked taken aback. “Pardon?”

“My hand belongs to you…” your voice trembled. “…but my heart belongs to another.”

A single tear slipped down your cheek. You shut your eyes tightly, the burden of your secret lifting but replaced with overwhelming fear. Airk stood, silently, his expression cycling through shock, relief, confusion, and finally… sympathy.

“Likewise…” he whispered, causing you to look at him again. “There’s this… local maiden, a quiet beauty who carries herself with the gentle elegance of a dove. She may not have been born into privilege, but she’s captivated me. My heart belongs to her.”

He looked at you, expecting a reaction. You attempted to feign surprise, but ended up failing miserably. He smirked. “Was it that evident?”

You chuckled. “With all of your enticing stares at dinner, it almost felt as if I were intruding on something private!”

He laughed airily along with you, long-standing tension finally broken. You started to relax, feeling a weight lift as you and Airk came to an unspoken forgiveness. He smiled warmly, genuinely at you before his expression turned serious once again.

“I hope you know I would hate for my mother to receive word of this,” he said in a low voice.

You nodded in agreement. “You needn’t worry, my lips are sealed. I understand what it’s like… living with secrets.”

He waited for you to continue, but you simply folded your hands in front of you and smiled, silently refusing to speak further.

Airk departed soon after your conversation ended, leaving you once again face-to-face with Kit’s door. You raised your knuckle to the chestnut wood, giving it two gentle raps.

No response.

With a shaky hand, you turned the handle and opened the door with a slow, steady creak. Kit lay flat on her bed, motionless, staring at the ceiling. She made no indication of noticing your presence, so you stepped inside and carefully closed the door with a click.

No response.

Stars studded the now-blackened night sky through a small window in the corner. The room’s only light source was a flickering candle that cast shadows over Kit’s unmoving body and danced along the wrinkles of her garments. You stood near the entrance, watching the subtle rise and fall of her chest with each breath.

“Which is worse?”

The sudden sound of her voice startled you. “Pardon?”

“I’m wondering…” she sat up, dangling her legs over the edge of her bed. “…which is worse? Spending half a decade counting down the seconds until you’re forced into an unwanted marriage, or having it thrust upon you without warning?”

She met your gaze, expecting an answer. You had none. She continued.

“On the one hand, the first option reads torturously, like sitting on death row waiting for execution,” she contemplated, deep in thought. “But on the other hand, it allows for processing time, providing an opportunity to numb yourself to the situation.”

She looked back over to you, her expression stoic. “What do you think?”

“I think I won’t ever be numb to the situation,” you replied with a half-smile.

Kit gave a halfhearted chuckle, staring down at her feet. You moved to sit next to her on the bed, resting a soothing hand on her back. She sighed. “You don’t know how fortunate you are.”

You furrowed your brow. “How do you mean?”

“You’re betrothed to my brother,” she answered. “Someone you grew up with, someone you trust.”

You frowned. “Kit, Airk and I may have history, but I’m still being forced into a loveless marriage. You and I suffer the same plight.”

Kit’s eyes seemed to glaze over as she began to speak in a small voice. “You truly believe our situations are at all similar?”

You removed your hand from her back and leaned slightly away from her. “Kit…”

“Do you?” Her fingers clenched the bedsheets as she finally met your gaze. “I am marrying a man I’ve never met, so I can help form an alliance with a kingdom I’ve never visited! My entire life is conforming to the whims of my mother, do you have any idea what that’s like?”

“Have you observed my mother?” You shot back, standing up from the bed. “Sometimes I wonder whether or not she cares if I live or die, just as long as I marry Airk to keep up appearances like a performing minstrel!”

“Cry me a river, Princess!” Kit growled, also abandoning the bed. “My sincerest apologies that you have a mother that gave you fifteen years to become accustomed to her chosen spouse, and a father to give you away at the altar!”

You softened your gaze, realizing a large part of the reason for Kit’s distress. “Kit, I didn’t…”

“I’ll have to walk down the aisle with Airk!” She interrupted, angry tears now streaming down her face. “There was enough prattle when news of my father’s disappearance spread, and now all of Galladoorn and Tir Asleen combined is going to witness me being given away by my own brother. So don’t you dare stand there and claim that you and I ‘suffer the same plight!’”

“Kit!” Your voice wavered, a tightness in your chest threatened to unleash a flood of tears. “That was not my intent, and you know it. You're hurting, and you have my deepest sympathies…”

“I don’t need your sympathy…”

“Then don’t take it!” Your voice cut through the air, sharp and defensive. “All I said is that I share your pain in being forced into a marriage with someone you don’t love. I don’t understand why you’re so angry with me.”

Kit bit her lip, sniffling and wiping away tears. Her red, puffy eyes struggled to meet yours as she searched for more words to use as a line of defense.

“Because marriage isn’t about love, Princess,” she finally replied. “And frankly, your lack of realization is troubling.”

Her words brought a lump to your throat, like a boulder lodged within a narrow cave. Without another word, you spun on your heel and walked out of Kit’s room, making sure the wooden barrier slammed shut behind you before giving into the tears that had been threatening to fall.

Tag List: @chloepricesgirl @canmargesimpson @yourelliewillms @valenftcrush @camilleee222 @prettygirlfemme @slaytillieswooo @love4lyn @joanvisitsrome @athenalive @mih11 @j-pacifica @everybodyhatesari @vii-ofswords @sophi4v13 @detmarmalade

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harrysgal · 8 months ago

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I DIG YOUR CINEMA (4)

harry styles x yn aspiring filmmaker — social media AU

I am actually a little bit nervous about this part, so I hope you enjoy it.

About the smau: yn starts posting videos on youtube and is trying to build a career as a filmmaker. Things are going pretty well for her and she starts getting more attention when she creates content about shows she goes to. She’s also a fan of Harry’s music and some of his fans start getting suspicious when his team starts interacting with her.

Disclaimer: The story it’s set in 2021 and it will follow their relationship through the LOT leg in the US. Since this is nothing but fiction, I will be following some of the real timeline but also adding my own stuff. On top of that, I won’t be basing myself on Harry’s actual posts.

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PART 3 — DENVER // MASTERLIST

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I DIG YOUR CINEMA (PART 4) — THE VIDEO

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liked by bestfriend, anthonypham, mollyjane_x and 59,302 others

yourinstagram im sorry its taken me so long to show up. i thought time would give me the ability to find some words to say, but as it turns out im much better at telling things through a camera than through a pen (or a keyboard, in this case). when i posted my first video on youtube, all i wanted was to find myself again after finally getting free from a relationship that drained the fun out of me. making movies is something that ive always been passionate about, so i thought — why not? three months later, when i posted my first video at a concert, all i wanted was to tell the story of a woman who, after raising two kids and giving everything she had to make everyone around her happy and safe, finally had the opportunity to make one of her most “innocent” dreams (seeing shania twain) come true. fast forward to this week, as i post my latest video all i want is to tell the story of a man who has the entire world in the palm of his hand and yet lives his life as if he’s merely another ordinary soul on earth. what happens now, and what you do with this story (or with any other ive already told), its not up to me anymore.

that all being said, thank you harry for trusting me with this story. it wasn’t mine to tell, but you allowed me to do it anyway and i’ll always be grateful for that. so, again, thank you.

ok i will stop typing now.

actually, im just gonna add that i hope you all enjoy this video as much as i do (but if you don’t, thats fair, and i’ll accept it just as much)

ok, now im done :)

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lookitsnyoh 👑👑👑👑👑 harryfan9 this was so much more than we’ve asked for 🙏🙏🙏 user1 its been almost 24 hours since you posted this video and im still 😲!! YOU’RE INCREDIBLE user5 absolutely amazing! unexpected, captivating, touching… 10/10! yourbrother Kinda sucks that I don’t even feel like teasing you this time. I’m just proud.

↳ sisterinlaw Printed and framed already. ↳ yourinstagram … i dont even know what to say right now ↳ yourinstagram ＠sisterinlaw i’ll need a copy of that pls

harryfan your mind is so brilliant im so in love with this and i know i speak for the entire fandom when i say: THANK YOU 😭

↳ harryfan5 no really bc we’re so used to getting practically nothing that she coulve just done anything and we would’ve still died… and yet she gave us THIS? ↳ harryfan7 yn deserves the best in life period ↳ harryfan54 c’mon… it’s not THAT good

harrystyles 😲 so this was my story you were telling?

↳ yourinstagram i kept my side of the promise, didnt i? you were supposed to keep yours ↳ harrystyles fair enough. you’re welcome x ↳ yourinstagram 😌😌😌😌😌 ↳ yourinstagram thank you ↳ harrystyles you’re welcome x ↳ harryfan25 OMFGDSGFUAGFBH ↳ harryfan11 ＠yourinstagram ＠harrystyles sorry guys do you want us to leave you two alone? ↳ harryfan51 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 ↳ harryfan17 wdym you kept your side of the promise??? what did you promise????? what is it?????

harryfan10 pls we need more harry content already user7 Don’t go missing again, we miss you here!

Sep 9, 2021 •

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liked by yourinstagram, bestfriend, jefezoff and 5,187,031 others

harrystyles I’m honored to say ＠yourinstagram has turned the beginning of this new chapter into a lovely short-movie, one you can watch right now on her youtube channel.

Thank you Yn for being so caring and respectful about everything and everyone involved in this project. To watch this idea turn into reality has been nothing but inspiring.

Welcome to the team, it’s too late to back out now. x

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bestfriend this moment is all mine. 20+ years of friendship are FINALLY paying off.

↳ user3 you’re so unserious i love it fgajdujn ↳ yourinstagram im doing it just for you <3

harryfan5 noooooo I can’t do this my heart can’t take it pls stop 😭😭 harryfan23 I CANT BELIEVE YNS FIRSTS WORDS TO HIM WERE SHUT THE FUCK UP HAHAHAHAHA annetwist What a wonderful job you’ve done dear ＠yourinstagram 🥰

↳ yourinstagram ❤️ ↳ harryfan54 🙄

harryfan66 who are you and what have you done to the real harry? 🧐

↳ harryfan14 for real tho lmao ↳ harryfan74 yup. ive been saying it: another strategy just to get a random famous on harrys back. as usual.

harryfan9 NOT HARRY EXPOSING THE FIRST TIME THEY TALKED????

↳ harryfan3 and the fact that HE texted her first??? ↳ harryfan9 pls!!! molly gave me your nUmBeR 🤪🤪

harryfan15 oh you’re so sick for this AHDUAJHDJ yourinstagram THOSE messages? REALLY???

↳ harrystyles I’ve been explicitly forbidden to post a picture with you so I had to improvise. ↳ yourinstagram ok but did you also have to conveniently leave my next message out of it? ↳ harrystyles Yes x.

Sep 9, 2021 •

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— — — — —

PART 5: FROM SAN ANTONIO

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#harry styles fake ig #harry styles fake instagram #harry styles fake social media #harry styles smau #harry styles social media au #harry styles writing #harry styles #harry styles blurb #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fic #harry styles fluff #harry styles x reader #harry styles x y/n

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wallterwall · 9 months ago

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day 32

if you like my (cybrthrillz) content, please read this

tw for self harm and suicidal ideation

i want to take a break

this is not a victory or a win for anyone. if anything all of the harassment and relentless targeted hate has only made me even more motivated to make this little space ive created a more accepting place, and i will continue to be a voice of support for "weird and contradictory" queer identities because we all deserve to be happy and accepted

but, for a long time ive been putting myself in harms way, generally neglecting my own needs for the sake of other people, because i dont care about what happens to me as long as other people are happy and safe, and right now i dont think i can keep pushing myself like that anymore. im tired

i havent had a s/h problem since middle school but now those urges are resurfacing again when i thought id never have to deal with that again

i havent been able to relax or enjoy any of my time without having dreadful thoughts in the back of my mind

ill probably be changing things going forward too, or maybe things wont be changing at all. i dont know. i just know that i want to try and relax and watch those movies ive been meaning to watch and play more video games without feeling guilty that im not using my time for drawing.

the controversies have wounded me a lot but unfortunately regretevator is still my main hyperfixation so ill have trouble getting myself to draw anything else and i dont think i want to really avoid it. so ill still be drawing, but ill be drawing for myself without really worrying about posting schedules. ill still be active on discord, tumblr, instagram

im not going to kill myself today, nor am i going to in the future. because whether some people want to believe it or not, i know and my friends know that i always try my best to be a considerate and kind, overall good person. i know that i genuinely have positively impacted many people in life. i hope that ill be able to go back to regularly posting soon with a clearer state of mind because your support has genuinely improved my life both emotionally and financially, and i couldnt be more grateful.

but right now, its okay to be a little selfish for my sake. and i hope that you all can understand and be patient with me. thanks for stickin around

#daily wallter #regretevator art #regretevator fanart #regretevator wallter #wallter regretevator #regretevator roblox #roblox regretevator #regretevator roblox game #roblox #roblox art #roblox fanart #roblox game #roblox games #regretevator

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kamiversee · 10 months ago

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The F*ck List (semi-official) Breakdown.

The following was submitted by my lovely ☃️anon, & I needed to make this it’s own post given how long it is, my replies & clarifications are written in between this breakdown & theory (Ex: A/N > Etc.).

Here, you’ll find majority of details you may have missed & maybe even more to think about. Enjoy :)

(wc; 5.7k) (content; spoilers ofc)

holy shit Kami. i literally had to take the entire day to process everything. before anything else, i need you to know that you've created an absolute masterpiece. TFL was the first fic i ever cared to keep up with and it has set the bar impossibly high for any other writer out there. please take your time with TFL 2, i'm so excited to read your other work!! also a break sounds like it would be so good for your mind considering how long you've dedicated yourself to this story 😭😭😭 you're seriously impressive. heads up, i didn't proofread this at all bc i finished typing this at 4 am LMFAO so forgive me if it's all scrambled and makes no sense.

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A/N > Thank you for taking the time to write this breakdown, I seriously appreciate it so I wanted to take my time in responding to it & engaging with you :)

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now, on to the yap. i deadass cracked my knuckles before typing all this out.

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A/N > You’re so real for tht ngl

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i reread the entirety of TFL from chapter 1 and my brain is so melted from analyzing that i'll prob find more details tomorrow after i sleep on some theories 😭 BUT HOLY FUCK YOU REALLY WEREN'T KIDDING WHEN YOU SAID YOU WERE HINTING AT GOJO'S OBSESSION SINCE LITERALLY THE FIRST CHAPTER??? the fucking hint being that "Gojo's desire for you is so strong it's almost frightening." GIRLLLLLL 🫵🫵🫵🫵🫵🫵

your foreshadowing and referencing is insane. idk if you intended a lot of it, but a lot of it caught my eye.

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A/N> I TOLD YOU GUYS IVE BEEN DOIN IT SINCE THE FIRST CHAPTER !! Okay not exactly but like there was a vibe I had from the first chapter & when I later came up with the twist & went back and saw that everything would connect perfectly ^.^

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chapter 7; the reader and Gojo have lighthearted banter about how the reader "started this" situation.

"I made a mistake." [reader]

"A good one."

"Bad one." You correct.

this was regarding a completely different situation but it baffled me how much it connects to the plot itself; the reader making the "mistake" of leaving her door open, and how it lead to months full of trauma and love. probably completely unintentional, but such a good detail.

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A/N > Very intentional btw, it’s supposed to be known that, in a sense, Gojo x reader is forbidden :)

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Choso's still staring at you intently, "What version of you would someone not like?"

The way he words his question only furthers that little feeling in your chest. It's almost as though he were implying that any and all versions of you would be acceptable in his eyes. - Chapter 16

THE WAY WE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT CHOSO WOULD STICK BY US REGARDLESSSSSSSS AAAAAA WE'RE SO BLIND!!! i just hope this stays true to the sequel :')

"No, I wish you didn't have to hate me." He says, shutting his eyes again and sucking in a deep breath, "B-But... it's uh, It's okay. I can live with you hating me." - Chapter 21

AAAA WE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN!!!! WE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THIS WAS FORESHADOWING OUR FUTURE WITHOUT GOJO 😭😭😭 how he can live with the idea of the reader hating him so long as she's happy with Choso, especially considering his later revelations of how twisted his actions were and how if you stuck with him, he'd view you differently. fuck.

You despise the fact that he loves you. To you, it's almost entitled for him to feel like he has that right. How dare he hold such a strong emotion for you? If he felt this way, why is he forcing you to sleep with people for him? It makes no sense.

Why would someone claim to love you and put you through so much?

If he's been in love with you all this time, why start the list in the first place? Why couldn't he have just tried to win your heart from the beginning? Why the list? Why the blackmail? You don't understand him. - Chapter 23

i'm crushed. we didn't understand because we didn't know that Sukuna was involved. that could mean a million other things. i have some far-fetched theories about this but hear me out later!!!

the entirety of chapter 23 had me fucking floored while i was rereading. THE FORESHADOWING WAS EVERYWHERE!!! EVERY FUCKING WHERE

"No sweetheart, Sukuna's an asshole but..." His expression flickers and his smile fades away. He swallows and then clears his throat, "I'm pretty sure he'll satisfy you just fine."

...

You narrow your eyes at him, "Are you sure?"

...

"Fuckin' positive," Gojo suddenly sounds pissed and you grow concerned. The arm around you gets a little tighter while he walks you through some crowds and you keep looking at the man confused.

There's a vein popping out along his jawline because of how hard he's gritting his teeth.

of course he's aggravated because he knows that Sukuna is the one behind the list in the first place 😭😭😭 I'M SORRY WE DOUBTED YOU SATORU, FUCKKKK

——FIFTEEN MINUTES. That was the exact amount of time it took you to seduce Sukuna. The act was way too easy. Actually, it was suspiciously easy.

BECAUSE HE FUCKING KNEW 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

"What all did you plan on doing tonight aside from getting harassed by strangers?" Sukuna suddenly questions against your skin.

You ignore how close he is and the way his lips make you tense, turning your head to face forward. Chuckling at his last comment, "Same thing as everyone else here." You reply, slightly confused by his question.

"Bullshit," He utters, "Nobody dresses like this without the intent of gaining my attention," Sukuna claims while his hands slide back down along your body.

this 100% could be just him being cocky and Sukuna, but the recent reveal just makes this feel like an extra demeaning interaction. but of course, it's Sukuna.

chapter 24 is so fucking shady too with everything we know. i know you addressed some of these points already bc i brought them up in previous anon messages, but these things still had me paranoid;

the way Sukuna leaves us and tells the reader to go to his room after a certain amount of time (i know he could have just been tidying up real quick but everything about this man has me on edge)

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A/N> A lot of people are on edge about this but I’ll be honest, there’s nothing crazy that happens in between this time period. Not saying nothing happens but nothing crazy— it’ll be addressed later (in the next fic most likely)

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the way he's been consistently on the phone since the reader entered the room, which is shortly after she messaged Gojo saying that she'll be able to cross Sukuna off of this list by tonight which he wasn't happy with at all.

no seriously, he kept diverting his attention to something in the bathroom and then came out, still on his phone. maybe he's talking to literally anyone else but STILL I'M PARANOID

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A/N> This is to show the fact that Sukuna is a very socially active individual, & hints to the theory (I think you later state) that he has connections.

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this happens in chapter 25 but the way he keeps smiling while the reader kisses him is just so smug of him especially considering the original reason as to why the reader's even interacting with him

then the spicy chapters with Sukuna…

the foreshadowing that the lack of knowledge of Sukuna's reputation will come back to bite her in the ass; first with the knowledge that he is abusive, and then her finding out that he is the curator of the list, knowing the full details of her blackmail and even threatening her again.

WHO DID HE FUCKING FIGHT HELPPPPP MY MIND IS BOGGLING there's no way it's Gojo, right? they're both too unscathed in these next few chapters for there to have been a fight between the two of them.

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A/N > It’s not Gojo. 🙏

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THE FUCKING MOMENT WHERE HE CONTEMPLATED SOMETHING WITH THE PHONE IN HIS HAND??? I FUCKING KNEW IT. I FUCKING CALLED IT WAS SOMETHING SHADY AS HELL.

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A/N> The other Sukuna hint I was talking about is right before this moment btw, you’re welcome ;)

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then he has the audacity to hold his tongue right afterwards?? it's such a big hint towards the fact that he knew about the list from the beginning UGHHHHHHHH.

the way he tried to humor the reader about her "job" even though he was in on the whole thing. UGH. SUKUNA WHEN I GET YOU SUKUNA?? 👊👊👊👊 especially with that "whore" joke right afterwards. i can't stand him. i know that it's implied that he has a twisted view on women from having abusive women in his life (his mom and his ex who he punched) BUT STILL. he's so lucky he's fictional and hot.

the fact that we're able to pick up on the fact that it's a "crazy coincidence" that he continues the whore jokes UGHHHHH HE HAS BEEN PLAYING US FROM THE STAAAAAARTT

Gojo got upset at something from Sukuna's party, he didn't want you to call yourself a whore all of a sudden, Sukuna seems to have believed that was your actual job, and you remember how pissed Gojo seemed as he thought about you sleeping with Sukuna-

Holy fuck. Are the two connected somehow? Is something going on? What does Gojo owe Sukuna? Does Sukuna know you only slept with him as payment to clear Gojo's debt? Is-

GIRL YOU WERE ALMOST THERE!!!! YOU ALMOST HAD IT!!!

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A/N > I love teasing in my narration by nearly spoiling things 😹

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seriously though, these chapters killed me. the official end obliterated my heart. it's so fucking bittersweet i want to scream at the top of a high building. the reader ends up happy and with someone she loves, which is fantastic for her. she deserves that after everything she went through. Choso treats her so, so well.

but Gojo. with the theories i have, i feel horrible. i was so harsh towards him as a die hard Choso girly but these endings changed me. i just hope i'm right.

the fact that his healing journey is harsher than ours makes this ending sting so much. he's healed, and you can see it with his demeanor from the call and the way he interacted with the reader.

we were always made aware of the way he looked at us such deep attachment. the initial gleam shows that he's happy to see us, but that he's not reliant on us for his happiness anymore. he's finding that on his own, and it's a grueling process for him. i wished the reader gave him a hug, but that would probably make me feel even worse.

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A/N> He gave her a lil side hug (with his arm over her shoulder) & was resting his head on hers at the end if that makes you feel any better 😅

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"Through my blackmailing, I fell for you but I also did it because I loved you from the start." i'm gonna throw up bro i'm so sad. i'm proud of his growth. his obsession was so, so strong but he always prioritized the reader's happiness over himself. i know that being self-sacrificial is so core to his personality but it doesn't make it suck any less. i'm devastated. i started blasting mitski in the car on my way to work after reading this.

i thought i was ready for the journal burning. i was so ready for this tie to be severed, for them to finally move on. but i failed to realize that it could ultimately mean a life without each other. it makes sense as to why, but it still sucks.

kami i need that poly ending before i cry my eyes out at 4 am rn. you know i can't handle angst, but bittersweet endings lowkey hurt me even more. i need all my babies to be happy. i desperately need it.

but that alt ending... fuck. in a horrible, sick, and twisted way, i'm relieved. i'm a Choso girly from the bottom of my heart but i can't let this Gojo go omfg. even if he shows up for one more chapter, i think i'll be alright. BUT IT BETTER NOT BE FOR DEATH KAMI!!!! I HAVE A FEW EXCERPTS THAT SUGGEST DEATH FLAGS BUT I AM SIMPLY NOT LOOKING AT THEM. DON'T DO THIS TO ME KAMIIIIIII. i need this boy to be frolicking in a field of flowers or something. my heart can't take this.

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A/N> I know I reference death a lot but that’s just to add a sense of how dramatic the characters are 🫶

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okay, time for my mind-fucky theory. pls bare with me. if it wasn't obvious by my last post, i'm 100% on board with the theory that Sukuna's blackmailing Gojo, which started this whole thing. but the thing that is getting me is how this all connects. i have some assumptions that could make sense, but there are a handful of gaps. here's my thought process;

Sukuna's blackmailing Gojo by using his obsession/love against him.

we are already familiar with the fact that Gojo has liked the reader for years. there was a chapter where Gojo mentioned that it started off as a "crush" but he was so oblivious to his own obsession up until the reader mentioned it to him. it's to the point that he didn't understand what was wrong with the idea of hurting people for the reader. who's to say that Sukuna didn't catch him in some sort of heinous act regarding the reader like stalking?

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A/N > You’re cooking with this one and I almost, almost had to go get the fire extinguisher :D

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Gojo didn't understand the difference between love and obsession until later on in the story. this would be consistent with the implication that Gojo just loved her so deeply that his morals were askew as we have yet to find out how far his love goes.

what if Sukuna caught him in the act of doing god knows what, and brought up the fact that if the reader found out about this, that she'd get super freaked out and would do everything she can to get away from him (considering probably barely knew each other, if at all, at this point). but why would Sukuna devise such a plan over a money bribe? well, Sukuna's already revealed to be wealthy, and maybe he was bored. the same line that Gojo kept repeating to the reader whenever she questioned him as to why he did it. what if Gojo asked Sukuna why he's blackmailing him, and he said the exact same thing; "I was bored." we see how much Sukuna mirrors Gojo's speech by calling the reader "sweetheart" often, what if Gojo did the same thing?

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A/N > Gojo & Sukuna do have a few parallels in this story & they will be addressed more in the sequel.

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we wondered in chapter 23 how Gojo reaches out to these men to ensure their debt is "paid," but considering how oblivious everyone else on the list is to Gojo owing them anything, it would make sense that he only reports to Sukuna as he is ordered to do so. but two things stumped me on this theory overall.

the reader said that she used to party a lot and get involved with boys before Gojo. if he was stalking her for so long, why did he wait so long to approach her?

what specifically would be the blackmail that Sukuna has on Gojo?

regarding the first point, it's been mentioned that Gojo has been "scared of women" and was shy when it came to approaching the reader. he knew of her for so long, but was able to constantly slip under her radar. considering how much of a pervert he is, it wouldn't have been surprising for him to sneak around and watch in on the reader hooking up with other guys. after all, these guys were probably complete strangers to him and all he cared about was you. remember how Gojo was basically able to tune out his own best friend, Suguru, when the reader was hooking up with him in their living room? it wouldn't be wild to assume that he was able to do the same for your other hookups as he spied on you.

to connect this with second point, what if Sukuna caught Gojo being a peeping tom on the reader during a party hook-up? while being so distracted in the act of spying, Sukuna spots him. the reader wouldn't be alright with the fact that someone who's barely an acquaintance (if that, depending on the time this occurred) to her has been perving around and watching her have sex without her consent. she would do anything to get away from Gojo, and of course that would crush him. Gojo tried to buy Sukuna's silence by any means necessary. so, Sukuna generated a list of people that he and Gojo mutually knew for the reader to fuck. the reasoning for it would be the fact that Gojo has to sit through the process of having the girl he likes fuck a bunch of guys besides him, and the fact that Gojo knew all these men would make it sting more. plus, he has a reputation for hookups. (chapter 8)

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A/N > You’re like RIGHT there with it and yet not there at the same time omg 😟

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but why would Gojo agree to this deal with Sukuna, and why would he also go with the method of blackmailing the reader? it's basically a guarantee that the reader would be scared away regardless. but again, we could recall that Shoko mentioned that he was too "scared of women" to approach the reader at first. this was his chance to finally approach her. plus, "once that video is gone, there is no excuse he'll have to be around you." (chapter 8)

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but the more i thought of this reasoning for the two points, the more bizarre it felt. so what if instead of Gojo being a peeping tom, it was Sukuna. we get so many hints that Sukuna has eyes and intel everywhere. we get an indirect implication of this when he called us out for rolling our eyes during our phone call with him. yes, it could be completely by chance, but it's still a great hint that he "sees everything" and "knows everything." we get an even bigger hint towards this in the alt ending when he directly references The F*ck List.

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A/N > Others have taken note of how Sukuna knew she rolled her eyes but trust me, that’s just to show that Sukuna knows the reader’s body language more than he’s let on & paid attention to her a lot during the time they were together.

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it wouldn't be too far fetched to assume that he has some shady videos taken of people without his consent, some possibly acquired through other people (like how Gojo was revealed to have sent Sukuna the video of the reader from the first chapter). what if Gojo caught Sukuna with the video, threatened him to delete it, and Sukuna counterthreatened to have it be sent and posted everywhere. it would be highly ironic, but consistent with the way that Gojo and Sukuna practically mirror each other at times. the reasoning for the list choices would still be the same for this theory, too.

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my citations for these theories ☝️🤓

“You once asked me if I love you because I blackmailed you or if I blackmailed you because I love you and my answer is both,” Gojo confesses as he turns to meet your gaze, “Through my blackmailing, I fell for you but I also did it because I loved you from the start.” - Chapter 56

loved you from the start; his obsession has been consistent from the start (supports Gojo being a peeping tom theory) or he has always had a deep concern for you (supports him wanting to stop Sukuna from spreading blackmail of you instead).

“I’ve sacrificed everything for you, y’know.”

“How? What’s everything that you’ve sacrificed, hm?”

“You. I sacrificed the woman I love to make her happy.” Gojo admits, and of all he’s said thus far, that feels like the truest statement.

“I could’ve been happy with you.” You remind him.

He laughs, “Yeah well, I’m an idiot.”

You scoff, “That’s all you have to say?”

“Yup.” - Chapter 56

is he an idiot for being a peeping pervert instead of just approaching you normally? maybe. how does this make her happy? she ends up finding love through Choso, through the list, through the blackmail.

But deleting the video means ... he has no more leverage over you and can't force you to help him with the hole he's dug for himself. - Chapter 8

the hole being the blackmail set against him by Sukuna.

Gojo's behind you cursing at himself for being unable to tell you the truth.

He's so scared that you'll never help him without the blackmail and, well, he has every right to be because you're pretty sure that if it weren't for those videos he has over your head, you wouldn't be doing any of this. - Chapter 9

the videos he's referencing is the original video from chapter 1 and the fake video he lied about with Suguru, but he can't tell the reader the truth because it's too twisted and risky (supports Gojo peeping tom theory).

He silences himself in thought. There are so many ways he could go about answering such a question but the possibilities of how you may react are endless. Plus, you're drunk and if he's going to admit or explain anything to you, it'll be while you're sober.

"Because..." Gojo's voice gets so quiet that you almost don't catch what he says, "...I don't have any other choice." - Chapter 21

if he didn't go through with his list, Sukuna would have went through with Gojo's blackmail, thus resulting in either you getting as far away from Gojo as soon as possible or Sukuna's video being sent around.

He let something slip abruptly, "W-Wish I c-could tell you everything, sweets..."

Your brows furrow at that.

Are you missing something here? - Chapter 22

YES GIRL!!!! SUKUNA'S BEHIND THE WHOLE LIST, HE'S BEHIND THE BLACKMAIL GIRLYPOP

"Anything," Gojo says, meeting your gaze. He's so serious that it's almost dark the way he looks at you, "I'd do anything for you." - Chapter 29

"I meant it when I said I'd do anything for you."

You follow his motions and then end up right back in his arms, "Right..."

"I'd sacrifice the very thing I love just to see you happy." Gojo claims proudly.

You scoff, "Thought' I was the thing you loved?"

"You are."

His words bewilder you, "Then that makes no sense."

"It won't." Gojo shrugs. - Chapter 29

🧍‍♀️

anything. even if it means putting your body, heart, mind, and career on the line. directly supports the theory that Sukuna initially had blackmail on the reader.

"We're the same, y'know..." He suddenly says, his voice breaking again, "We both want someone so terribly bad but our situations prohibit us from getting that person."

"You could've prevented all this though..."

Gojo sniffles and you feel a drop of wetness slide down his cheek and slip against your palm. The man was crying? Why? - Chapter 30

this whole time we've been told that Gojo and the reader share more similarities than the reader realizes. what Gojo is to the reader, the reader is to Choso. while Choso now knows of the men that the reader slept with, he doesn't know why. he doesn't know about you being blackmailed. you know that you had to sleep with these men. you don't know why. you didn't know it was because of Gojo being blackmailed.

"For loving me, Satoru. It's not a crime," You say, mocking a comment he made to you earlier, "You're allowed to love me. So, for that, and that only, I forgive you."

Those words healed so many more wounds in his heart than you realized. It was like that was all he ever needed to hear. If Gojo's mistake was loving you and that's what caused this, then you forgive him.

If in some twisted way, his feelings started the list, you forgive him.

COME ON NOW.

There’s so much going unspoken but the two of you knew what either was saying, you understood each other more than either of you realized. - Chapter 35

“Well,” Gojo sighs heavily and then draws your hands off his face, leaning down to you a bit, “Sometimes, sacrifices need to be made in exchange for one’s happiness.”

“Are you telling me that all this was for the greater good?” You quiz as you raise a curious brow.

“Something like that, yeah,” He shrugs. - Chapter 45

You tell him, “If I had one wish, it’d be that you did that from the beginning.”

Gojo opens his mouth to say something but then he swallows his words down. He nearly fucked up.

“All you had to do was talk to me,” Your shoulders raise into a shrug as you move a hand to the doorknob, “Things could’ve been different if you did.”

“Even if I’ve been obsessed with you since the beginning?” He questions and he’s stepping closer to you again. He can’t possibly wrap his head around that possibility-

You laugh a bit, “Especially if you were obsessed from the beginning,” You didn’t know it but that statement right there made the man feel as though his world was falling apart, loads of regret tumbling over him as he stares at you with wide eyes, “Satoru I think you forgot but, before all this started, aside from Shoko… I was lonely.”

Gojo’s throat goes dry and he fails to form a response to that, “I…”

“If you had just talked to me one time, and more than a hey or how are you,” The way your eyes soften, a slim sheer gloss of tears coating your gaze as you speak to him, “I would’ve fallen for you.”

He grits his teeth, “Don’t tell me that.”

“But it’s true.” You say.

And just like that, Gojo was crumbling all over again. If only you knew how much he regretted everything after hearing you say that. - Chapter 46

if he had just spoke to the reader before all of this, maybe she wouldn't have gone to those parties, hooked up with those people, and caused whatever kind of blackmail Sukuna had on Gojo (or on her).

He wishes he could take it all back, his feelings for you included. If only he could go back and stop himself from ever being curious about you. That’s what started it after all. Because, at the end of the day, Gojo knew who you were before you knew who he was— hell, even before Shoko knew who you were. - Chapter 53

then what is the timeline of his obsession starting? has it been before Gojo? could his blackmail have taken place even before Shoko introduced you two, adding to the weight of the threat that Sukuna held over Gojo's head (regarding the peeping tom theory).

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A/N > The timeline on Gojo’s interest, not obsession just yet, on the reader will be addressed in the sequel so this’ll be answered there <3

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but there were certain parts that stumped me and my theories so i have some weird reasonings around them;

It's selfish of him and seriously fucked up but, he's said it before and he'll say it over and over again-- you're all he has. He made promises to everyone on that list, promises of delivering a woman to them at some point, and of course, he couldn't convince anyone he knew to do such a thing.

So again, the situation with you just happened to be a coincidence.

The problem is that Gojo hates that it's you. He hates that you're the one he ended up doing this to. - Chapter 8

Gojo's known to be a silly guy so it could make sense that he actually did promise these guys hookups for reasons unrelated to his blackmail. after all, he does have a reputation for getting people hookups. the coincidence is that Sukuna now has dirt on Gojo and wants to toy with him. by making the reader sleep with them the guys he coincidentally owes hookups to, he fulfills his role/reputation and relieves his debt at the same time. two birds, one stone.

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A/N > As we later learn that some of the “debt” Satoru claimed to have isn’t real, we can also infer that his reputation & the promises he’s made to these men were done out of coincidence. Take Toji for example; tell me you can’t see an interaction between him & Gojo where Gojo gets a bad grade and wants to get it up so he taunts his professor with the idea of getting him a hookup & Toji would laugh it off considering Gojo’s reputation ;)

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another thing that stumped me is why Gojo got so worked up with the reader referring herself as a whore, and the connection to Sukuna. my delulu reasoning is that once Sukuna threatened Gojo with blackmail by either of the two theories/methods i mentioned, Sukuna casually referred to the reader as a whore. that caused a major fight between the two, possibly even getting physical (which can refer back to the implication that Gojo has hurt people for the reader).

the fight could have increased the tension and severity of the situation, so Sukuna decides to add Choso to the list knowing how easily attached Choso gets. in chapter 5, the reader and Gojo were discussing the list and Choso specifically. Gojo was even noted to be relieved when the reader had mentioned that they'll just have to hope that Choso doesn't get attached, as he obviously holds deep feelings for the reader. Sukuna knows that by going through with the blackmail with Choso involved, Gojo most likely will not end up with the reader if Choso get attached and the reader reciprocates those feelings.

also, the counterargument that Sukuna and Gojo are actually friends/allies in this situation just doesn't sit well with me. it would make for a crazy twist but it just feels too out of character for Gojo. but then again, how would Sukuna specifically know about The F*ck List? but idk, it just feels so wrong to me. maybe i have too much faith in Gojo lmfao. after all, he has consistently shown a great dislike towards the guy since chapter 23. but maybe it's my denial speaking. i really don't want to think of Satoru going through this whole arc only for it to reveal that he truly is a piece of shit. pls don't do this to my pookie my heart cannot handle it </3

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A/N > Remember, Gojo is a good actor & you go a long period of time in the book not realizing he’s not as much of a villain as he pretends to be 😉

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there's that moment after the reader fucked Sukuna that still messes with my brain. with my theories, my brain's thinking that he contemplated on collecting even more blackmail on the reader. for what reason? idk, to be an ass? to torment Gojo further and add more to his blackmail? but maybe he decided not to because he already has plenty of blackmail on the reader (if the theory of Sukuna having a video of her from way back then is true) and fucking her knowingly made Gojo pissed considering all the dirt Sukuna has.

so why can't Gojo tell her the truth now? why does he want to wait years in advance? maybe he's hoping that by that time, not only will you forget and not care about the situation overall, but maybe Sukuna will forget all about it as well. the chances of Sukuna holding on to the reader's blackmail for that long is slim and the reader would most likely be in a situation where she is completely separated from Sukuna depending on her job and living situation with Choso. the stakes are lower than if he were to reveal everything to you now, at a moment where your life is still so uncertain. it would go against his wish for you to end up happy.

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A/N > Maybe Gojo doesn’t tell her the truth because he can’t, just as he said 🌚 Perhaps he’s not allowed to yet. After all, why would Sukuna even tell the reader he made the list in the end? ^.^ Just some food for thought!

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regarding the future of TFL... fuck, bro. i have no fucking idea. i'm too caught up in the (presumed) past. i'm mourning fr. i love this fic sooooo fucking much. whenever you decide to pick up on the sequel, i will be there. if you choose to publish anything else in the meantime, i will be there. thanks for such a fun and memorable read, Kami. i'm excited to bookbind this soon 🤍🤍🤍 now, i need to watch blue lock to shove these feelings down.

yap fin (for now)

-☃️

A/N > I love you sosoosooooo much for this. These theories are like reading an entirely new fanfic sometimes except, I know all the answers & what’s going to happen next, which only makes me more excited ^.^ Thank you for taking the time to make this, thank you for reading, thank you for supporting, just, THANK YOU.

This right here is exactly what I write for; people like you :)

To the others reading this breakdown & theory, thank ☃️anon because she’s a damn godsend & ilhsm ^.^ (definitely showing favoritism rn, sorry not sorry, ily all I swear)

Edit; Since you’re watching Blue Lock, I can’t wait to bring my Shidou fanfic here because a lot of the drama in TFL has inspo from that fic, which I wrote first ^.^ & I could totally see you enjoying it because not only is it a childhood friends to lovers than enemies & back to lovers troupe BUT it also includes Itoshi Sae x reader which ofc, adds hella drama :))

P.S. It’s two am as I finally post this and omg sorry it took me a while, I wanted to answer other anons first before unpacking this badboy, again, tysm!!

#the f*ck list #tfl!theories #tfl spoiler #tfl #k!ans: ☃️

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semisolidmind · 1 year ago

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i know it's all about the lion's den AU rn and as usual I am FEASTING on the content (excuse the crumbs) but there's an idea that won't leave me alone-

what if Peaches was not human, but an immortal from the beginning? How much would change? I know the whole appeal of these AUs - I mean, that's why I love them and I absolutely love this lil corner of the fandom. but I've been kinda diving into the whole immortality biz in Chinese myths for my oc, so now I'm curious.

Peaches could be someone cultivating and practicing Xian (i hope I'm using that right) for years, or consumed pills/elixir of immortality somehow, or a demon who is oddly very kind and empathetic - would the bois still love her just as much? How different is the dynamic now even if Peaches retains her core personality traits?

love your work! and hydrate before ya diedrate

ive been thinking about this, and i kinda like the idea of immortal reader being an attendant of the heavenly peach orchard.

not super high up the ladder, but not at the bottom either. her powers are limited to helping plants grow just a little bit, creating temporary barriers, and being able to float the way all celestials can. the higher-ups figure that since no one is bold or stupid enough to steal from heaven, they don’t need any extra security in the immortal peach groves.

you can take a guess as to how reader meets the monkeys.

they show up to the orchards, ready to fight their way to the peaches, but instead of some overpowered celestial soldiers guarding the orchard, it's....one immortal maiden. just the one. but she doesn't seem all that powerful, soooooo...

...maybe she'd agree to let them take a few without too much trouble?

the monkey bros go the "oh don't mind us we're just a couple of cute lil monkeys, here to cause adorable and harmless mischief" route in their approach to getting reader to let her gaurd down.

they approach her while she takes a break from pruning some dead branches. she's understandably surprised and suspicious about these two seemingly normal monkeys who've snuck in, but... they are pretty cute. and tame; they let her pet them and give them scritches. perhaps they're one of the heavenly official's pets. reader supposes that they can stay for a while.

wukong and macaque play their parts, get reader's guard down, and steal a couple dozen peaches each. reader notices, but there's not much she can do beyond shooing the monkeys out with a broom (and her soft heart barely allows her to do that). she knows that if she reports it, those cute lil monkeys will be hunted down and killed.

she supposes she could put in a request for higher walls around the grove, or more barriers (she still wonders how the boys managed to get through the first ones), but with how slowly things get done in the bureaucracy...it'd be a very, very long time until it was even brought up in court.

besides, even then....they're monkeys. animals. she won't place blame on them for being what they are. those little cuties probably had no idea that the immortal peaches were any different from the ones on earth.

she could never stay mad at their adorable lil faces anyways.

---

reader, despite what you might think, has a pretty laid back job. once all her chores for the day have been completed (those magic trees don't really need much beyond the essentials to do their thing), she has a good amount of free time to sit and, you guessed it—read.

macaque (because of course, he has to be the first one to fall in every au) decides, on a bored whim, to go visit that nice attendant they stole from not too long ago. perhaps he'll collect some intel while he's up there.

he finds her after a bit of searching. reader sits in a secluded corner of the grove, leisurely turning pages and enjoying the shade. macaque, still disguised, sidles up to her. reader notices, seeming surprised to see him before her face morphs into... a rather adorable pout. perhaps she thinks she's being intimidating.

'damn, no wonder the bureaucracy didn't think they needed any more security,' macaque thinks sarcastically. such a fearsome maiden they've chosen to guard the immortal peaches.

while reader takes a minute to admonish him about stealing, it isn't long before she sighs and gives up on her lecture in favor of scratching him gently behind his ears. he churrs low in his chest. her whole demeanor is as soft and sweet as the peaches she guards (her hands as well, he notes, pressing into them).

macaque laughs internally. a fearsome maiden, indeed.

macaque manages to wiggle his way into reader's lap, pulling her attention from her book. she knows she should be trying to scare him off, but...just—just look at him! he's so cute, and she's too pulled in by how cute he is to notice the oddly powerful aura he seems to exude (far too powerful to be a normal monkey). he enjoys her touch for a while longer before he hears the far-off call of his annoying brother, wondering where he is. he bumps his head into reader's hand by way of goodbye before running off to shadow away more secretively.

reader watches him go, sighing. she really should shoo him away next time.

---

macaque keeps coming back. and reader continues to be unable to kick him out.

with very few visitors and no one else to talk to, reader begins to tell him everything that she overhears during the day; the officials don't think anyone is listening when they air out their gossip as they walk by the orchard. she doesn’t know it, but she’s saving macaque the energy of using his powers to gather this intel on his own.

the six-eared demon makes a habit of showing up to the grove to laze around with his favorite maiden and listen to her read, using “spying” as the excuse he gives his brother for why he's been running off so often. reader seems to have accepted that he won't be leaving her alone any time soon, and he takes full advantage. macaque comes to think of reader and the secluded corner of the grove as his own little peice of heaven.

of course, sooner or later, wukong joins in. he's a bit angry that macaque didn't just say he was visiting the peach orchard and it's attendant; he wouldn't have minded, he would've come with! macaque doesn't bother trying to explain that he didn't want to share.

but share he does, seeing as wukong greedily takes all the attention from reader he can get. the monkey king finds himself enamored with the maiden who's hands and heart are as soft as the fruits she tends to. he won't admit it (it may hurt his carefully crafted "ruthless demon king" image if he did), but wukong is a cuddle bug when it comes to reader. everything about her is just so soft, and she's so kind, and she always smells like peaches—he could spend hours laying on her chest as she reads.

he just feels so...peaceful, with her.

the boys are entangled in reader's life, visiting whenever they can and butting into whatever she happens to be doing. they see her day to day happiness (brief conversations with the lower maids she's friends with), and her struggles (the two monkeys bore witness to the officials taking their anger out on reader over something trivial, their rage towards heaven growing stronger). the two grow more and more attached to her as time goes on.

and so they begin to work a small abduction into the grander scheme of their plan.

---

sooner or later, the monkey warlords properly raid heaven. they and their demon army storm the jade palace, murdering servants, footsoldiers, and as many officials as they can. the monkey king and the six-eared macaque lead a massacre so bloody it stains the palace walls red. wukong especially holds back none of his rage, getting caught up in his hatred for heaven and zealously continuing to shed as much celestial blood as he can.

during a lull in the chaos, macaque, covered in vicera, makes his way to the immortal peach grove. with the battle coming to a close and the demon forces being driven back, now is as good a time as ever to snatch up a special “peach” for himself and his brother.

he finds said peach preoccupied with a gallant attempt at protecting herself and a few lower maids from a demon soldier, using a series of barriers. the soldier breaks the barriers almost as fast as reader can make them, rapidly pushing her and her companions into a corner. reader puts up a brave fight, but she's a celestial attendant, not a celestial warrior.

macaque calls out to the soldier, halting their attack and telling them to regroup with the others and prepare to move out. the soldier complies, crassly assuring the women that they’re about to be nothing more than bloody pulp on the garden wall. no one has ever gone against the shadow general of the demon army and lived.

macaque waits until the soldier is out of sight before leisurely approaching the still quivering group of maids and their determined, but exhausted looking guard. reader tenses as he steps closer. she feels a horrible sense of dread crawl down her spine when she gets a good look at him.

the dark fur, the shape of the mask marking on his face...reader feels tears start to bead at the corners of her eyes.

this entire time, she'd been petting and coddling the six-eared macaque. the second in command of the dreaded demon army has been sitting right in front of her and she had no idea. reader can barely keep her breathing steady.

and if this is her dark-furred companion, then the lighter-furred one must be…oh stars.

…she let the monkey king in.

she practically threw open the doors for him. she didn’t report them when she should have, she knew there was something strange about them but she was so sure they were just normal animals—oh stars above, if the jade emperor ever discovered this, she’d be executed.

but…but reader steels herself. she can deal with that later. her friends are counting on her.

now, she’s certainly not expecting the blood-covered demon general across from her to be open to bargaining (he could just kill all of them now, but reader gets the feeling he wouldn't be merciful enough to end it quickly). and he knows exactly what leverage he has over her, she can see it in the smug look on his face.

but she tries anyways.

“let them go, please,” she begs breathlessly, arms shaking from the strain of maintaining her magic. the least she can do is buy her friends a moment more. “do whatever you want with me, but they are blameless.”

macaque chuckles, the sound reverberating lowly between the trees. whatever he wants, huh? oh, sweet peach. she should know better than to give him so much leeway.

“that is tempting. if that’s the case, then perhaps you’ll go with me willingly,” he muses, tail swaying slowly. his fangs glint dangerously when he smirks.

“don’t fight, and no harm will come to them. that, and your secret will be safe with me. honest."

reader doesn’t believe him. she can’t, but she and her friends are so low priority that calling for help would be useless. if the demon army has been as effective as the screaming would lead her to believe, the celestial host has much bigger problems than rescuing a gardener and some lowly maidservants. and with the chance that she’ll be seen through and blamed for every gory death that's happened beyond the walls of the peach groves...

she doesn’t have a choice.

reader slowly, cautiously lowers her barriers, despite the worried cries of the maids behind her. they cower closer together as reader takes a slow step closer to macaque.

with a flick of his wrist, reader is struck by a sleeping spell so potent she falls into macaque's waiting arms like a lead weight. the demon gathers his beloved into his hold with a gentleness that doesn't fit his gory visage.

he sinks into a shadow, leaving the maids to clutch each other and cry at the loss of reader and the near loss of their own lives.

---

reader wakes up days later in the royal bedchambers of the stone palace. she startles at seeing the monkey king and the six-eared macaque laying on either side of her, stripped to just a loose pair of pants each. she herself has been changed to a comfortable silk robe, her own clothing nowhere to be seen.

reader feels a cold sludge in her gut. she scrambles out of the pillow pit, kicking a few into the face of one of her captors as she goes. she checks herself over, looking for bite marks, claw marks, anything to indicate the two demons sharing a bed with her had violated her in any way. she looks, and breathes a heavy sigh.

she finds nothing.

"we figured we'd wait until you were awake to start marking territory," the tired, yet still somehow smug voice of the monkey king chimes from behind her. reader turns to see the demon leveling an amorous look her way. his gold and crimson eyes burn like fire in the low light.

reader ignores him in favor of falling to her knees and burying her face in her hands. now that she has a moment to think, her failure has decided to take centerstage; she was the one who let the monkey king into the jade palace, she let him steal the immortal peaches, she's the one who carelessly shared all the gossip that told them when the best time to attack would be, she's to blame for all the lives lost—

"hey. y'know we would've raided heaven even if we hadn't met you, right? it's not your fault," macaque says, propping his head in his hand to look at her. he doesn't have the decency to hide how he's sizing her up, poison purple eyes glowing whilst tracing her curves. reader shrinks into herself a bit more.

"yep. don't feel too bad, peaches. i was never gonna spare any of those bureaucrats in the first place," wukong adds. "and besides, none of those guys cared about you anyway, so why feel bad?"

reader sobs, pressing her hands to her eyes. she knows. she knows how callous the officials could be, but that doesn't mean they deserved to die. it doesn't mean the servants and foot soldiers who were only following orders deserved their fates.

she hears movement, then feels a set of strong, furred arms wrap around her. wukong rests his head on her shoulder. he nuzzles his nose against her neck. she feels his warm breath and the glance of deadly sharp fangs when he speaks.

"they didn't deserve the mercy you seem to think they did."

---

wukong places a seal on reader's powers. what little defense she had against them is gone with the placement of a brand-like marking in between her shoulder blades (and a few more along her shoulders made with his teeth).

reader can't do anything. wukong won't let her leave, and even if she could, the heavenly court will have her executed if she goes back. so, she remains on the monkey king's mountain.

she didn't think she'd share a fate with the precious fruit she'd failed to protect.

#bad end wukong #twice as bad au #immortal peach au #i guess??? cause shes an immortal???#this got waaay longer than expected #got tired and couldnt figure out how to end it #dialogue is hard

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assmaster-8000 · 1 month ago

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the goldseeker - clotho

not rendered but ive long given up and the game isn't even here anyways so why would i pop my pussy for an ugly fag

my alchemist mc. you can see the pattern, can't you. long story short, clotho isn't a sister to lachesis nor atropos - but actually a future life of theirs. basically, they're trapped in a samsara and are doomed to repeat the same life in different circumstances and different faces. as much as the senobium mage perceived them as an experiment, there came a time where this wire mother's malleable heart accepted them as her own. at age 20, they created a monster of their own via pure alchemy, and was content to let their 'child' consume them. the senobium mage, their mortal mother, killed it before it could kill her own. (experiment? kin? all the same.)

but, you know. no one appreciates getting their kid murked, no matter how ugly or rambunctious :( in a rage, they strangled her to death, and destroyed what little normalcy she managed to afford them in this life. ever since then, they've been wandering from land to land - offering their services and knowledge to whomever needs them. but unlike a certain charitable doctor, theirs comes at a high cost. :)

on top of being an alchemist, they're an obstetrician and a necromancer. after all, the tangible and the arcane - life and death are not so dichotomous, are they? it's a cycle, really. the snake consumes its tail; the filth that teaches filth will be your grave and your genesis.

clotho's curse is a rotting body, and like? whether or not they actually want to cure it like the canon ts mc is beyond me. genuinely. they're here to fag it out in the club. kill the allmother. destroy the structure of the senobium. then die.

they technically aren't blind, but the rot has already began to eat away at their eyes, hence the cloth obscuring their eyes. they are mute, though. i figured it would be interesting to write a conniving character who can't speak. but it turns out im actually stupid as rocks and can't do allat, so. huh!

i swear i actually have an idea on what i want to do with them but their lore is so canon divergent that im sticking my dick into places rss hasn't even opened up yet. what else... they're 25 years of age, they have a pet snake that's several hundred feet long (inspired by ophion) and they love medical malpractice. the allmother is something like ananke, the mother of the fates, so as you can see clotho has 3 forms of mommy issues. they have multiple flowers, but their most infamous one is the asphodel, which they don on their head.

i think im allergic to giving my ocs a moral compass, so clotho gets freaky in the club trust me. their fatal flaw?? all of them. literally every trait of their personality. if chaotic neutral and neutral evil had an ugly baby. they're so repulsive and abhorrent that every ship with them is an OSHA violation

oh also??? how did i fail to mention??? clotho, lachesis (yet to show), and atropos are all 7 feet. clotho especially has freakishly long arms they tend to hide. who let messmer into touchstarved.

#touchstarved oc

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braxlrose · 10 months ago

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I miss ur writings sm :(

I am so sorry that I've been gone for so long, I haven't posted any fan fiction in so many months and honestly I lost motivation 😭 so many ppl who were in this fandom and I created a community with, were slowly getting over this "phase" and it definitely affected me. But I'm going to try and get back into writing. I hope this will do good for now! Ive had a lot of ppl recently ask for 2005 bill hcs, and I've done that before so if this is repetitive for something else I've written, sorry!

content warnings: none

a/n: I'll be updating my tag list since it hasn't been updated since like August of last year and I don't want to be tagging people who don't care or want to see these posts anymore. So if you wanna be tagged, let me know!

2005!bill kaulitz x f!reader

sfw:

- I'm an alternative person so whenever I write for bill, I always imagine him with an alternative girl 😞 even though from what I've seen he's never really been w/ an alternative one, BUT LETS PRETEND OKAY 🙏🙏

• he absolutely loves doing hair together, I think he enjoys helping you do your hair in the morning and your make up. And he's even more greatful if you do his makeup. Then he can just relax while you help him.

• pookie has crunchy ass hair at the end of the day when he has to wash it out, don't make fun of him 😞

• getting piercings together is something he LOVES doing with you. Mainly early piercings because he only has a tongue and eyebrow piercing on his face.

• if you made music too, he would always go to your concerts and basically scream the entire time. Hopefully, you'd do the same for him.

• if you have longer nails, head scratches are always a must and he will lay in your lap for literal hours while you pamper him.

- I personally think he would love to learn words in your language if you keep something different than German. And despite what anybody thinks, he finds it hilarious to learn the dirty words.

• if you cook him something from your culture, he will literally die. He basically thinks everything about you is so cool, and learning about a culture different from his is so exciting

• but if you two really want to date, you'll have to both try to learn English or each other language because there is going to be a hard language barrier between you two.

- I think one of the reasons he would've fallen in love with you is because you were upfront with him. He's not the type of guy to just go up and kiss someone so if you confess first, that would make things so much easier.

- obviously, you'd have to get along with Tom, Georg and Gustav. So if you don't, there's no way he'll go out with you, especially if you can't get along or hate Tom.

-Dates together consist of stuff you guys bought somewhere, or if you guys went to a fastfood restaurant.

• He doesn't have a lot of money yet so dates wouldn't exactly be high class, hopefully you don't mind 😉

-Since this is around the time Tokio Hotel is getting increasingly famous, there are fangirls around trying to flirt and ask out bill all the time and he has to shoo them off. He reminds you every night about how much he loves you and that those fan girls shouldn't bother you.

-he likes to spoon you a lot, and you two switch back n forth between him being the big spoon and the small spoon.

• I think he also really likes it when you lay on top of him, with your face in his neck and your legs wrapped around him. (This also works sitting upwards).

• cuddling with him is so nice too because he actually smells really good 😱

- I think he still gets very insecure sometimes because of the haters and people who harass the band because they don't like them and you reassure him a lot.

a/n pt 2: sorry this wasn't too long! I'm trying to get back into the groove of writing so if this is terrible I'm sorry 😞

taglist: none right now

#tokio hotel #bill kaulitz #tokio hotel x reader #tokio hotel bill kaulitz #bill kaulitz x reader #bill kaulitz x yn #tokio hotel fanfics #i hope this wasnt completely terrible #i havent written in forever 😞

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ranfordgallus · 2 years ago

Text

Heres a project ive been doing since 2022 and its a fan comic about my AU!

WARNING!

This comic has contents that/may(in the future) include:

- heavy violence/gore

- profanity (swearing)

- (mild) crude humour

- sexual topics (not imagery fortunately LOL, genitals will absolutely be censored or not shown)

- nudity (also will be censored or not shown)

If you're sensitive to these descriptions or too young maybe(?), best to avoid it...

I dont wanna say this comic is 16+ because i feel like it's an oxymoron for me to say that when i created this comic when i was 14 years OLD💀💀 but oh well...

Here are the parts (its still unfinished but i dont mind if you wanna read it now :-) )

If you enjoy my comic and wanna do stuff with my comic heres a blog about it!

Season 1

Episode 1. "The beginning."

(The artstyle here is a bit outdated since i created this like...late 2022 or very early 2023 )

Episode 2. "Burden."

Episode 3. (unfinished)

Recent part↓

#wild kratts #art #fanart #wild kratts fanart #artwork #fandom #art style #doodles #comic #fan comic #villain au #au comic #krattastrophe

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melishade · 6 days ago

Text

Attack on Prime Future Anthology: Therapy

Main Story

Christmas

Long Overdue

Boxing

Music IV

Everyone is finally going to therapy. Be warned. Heavy topics ahead.

Optimus found himself in that same place again, the place where the power of the titans had ended. He was staring down Eren once more, defeated, heartbroken, but accepting of his duty, of his role and responsibility. He gripped the Star Saber in his servo before charging at Eren. He remembered going through the motions of that final battle, throwing beams of energy at him, cutting off one of his arms.

But when he ran and dealt the final blow, ramming the Star Saber through Eren's titan form, he gasped in horror when the blade of the weapon was through the neck of Eren's human form instead of his titan form. The black armor and jagged teeth were replaced by trembling lips and pale, bloodstained skin. Optimus felt his whole body shake as tears fell down Eren's face. The teen had gripped the sword with his own hands, trying to get the blade out of his neck, but Optimus was locked in. He couldn't take the blade out.

Blood poured out of Eren's neck and mouth as he looked at Optimus with pleading eyes. "W-wh-!" Eren coughed and wheezed in pain. "W-hy? D-ad, wh-y-!"

Optimus gasped in horror as he shot up the berth, awakening from that horrible nightmare. He looked around and found himself in one of the rooms on the Nemesis. The Autobots have still been using the ship to help out with relief efforts, and have made it into their temporary base for the time being. The Prime looked down at his trembling servos before wiping his optics to relieve the tension that he was feeling. He wanted to tell himself that it was a trick of the mind, a nightmare that was over, but that nightmare was caused by a reality that he created. And it's a nightmare that's been happening for a few weeks now.

Optimus got up from the berth and opened the door to leave his room. He walked down the halls of the Nemesis, which had been cleared of majority of the humans. However, there were still many of them left without homes or family members to stay with, so the Decepticon warship was their home for the time being.

Optimus pressed the button to another room and saw Bumblebee using the energon processor in the lab. The Autobot patiently watched the crystal turn into a liquid, resting his elbow against the table and his chin on his servo.

Bumblebee's optics rotated when the door had closed behind Optimus before turning his attention to the Prime. "Hey, Optimus."

“I did not realize you were awake,” Optimus remarked.

“Yeah, well I’m pulling an all nighter,” Bumblebee sighed in defeat as he showed Optimus the files on the data pad, “The whole situation with Cyclonus opened up a slew of connections to other Decepticons that Cyclonus was trying to employ. There are a few that are currently imprisoned on a ship called the Alcamore and I'm going over, but some of these aren't as severe compared to crimes like Starscream and Shockwaves. I'm thinking of making an appeal."

"Then I shall leave you to your duty," Optimus declared as he turned around.

"You came in here for energon, right?" Bumblebee gestured to the machine, "Sit. I'll make you some."

"I do not want to distract you," Optimus insisted.

Bumblebee smirked, "It's been four years since I've gotten to talk to you. I want you here."

Optimus couldn't help but feel touched before deciding to sit across from Bumblebee. "Do you require any assistance?"

"Don't worry. I've got it," Bumblebee reassured with a wave of his servo, "Honestly I should just put this aside for a while."

Bumblebee shut down the datapad just as the energon processor beeped, signaling it was done. The lieutenant pulled the container out of the machine before grabbing two cubes and pouring the contents of it into two glass cubes. Bumblebee handed one of them to Optimus before raising his in a toast.

"To all nighters!" Bumblebee grinned.

"To all nighters," Optimus echoed back in kind before the two drank from their respective glasses.

"So what are you doing up so late?" Bumblebee couldn't help but ask. Bumblebee was surprised when he noticed something. Optimus had flinched at the question. His servo had tightened a little around glass.

"I was...unable to sleep," Optimus admitted.

Bumblebee couldn't help but feel pity at Optimus' confession. Part of him felt guilty for pressing, but he felt like he needed to. Optimus had changed so much since they had last seen each other. He was more open and vulnerable, and the Prime was no doubt suffering through his own losses. "Was it...because of a nightmare?"

Bumblebee was stunned to see the mask slip once more before it went right back up.

"I do not wish to discuss it," Optimus declared, "It is not something that I want to burden you with."

Bumblebee was already making speculations in his own mind about what those nightmares were about. But a name did come to mind: Eren Jaeger. It's been over six months since Eren had died, since Optimus had killed Eren, and the act has brought Optimus nothing but grief and torment. Optimus' outburst when Eren was brought up nearly costed them the peace treaty. Something needed to be done about it.

"You know," Bumblebee began, "You could...talk to someone about these nightmares and how you're feeling."

Optimus didn't say anything, but Bumblebee continued. "All of us have been going to therapy, since the war ended. We're finally in an environment where we can confront our trauma in a healthy manner. The most popular one is Rung. I can give you his contact info and you can-!"

"I do not want to," Optimus cut him off.

"If you're worried about the whole Optimus Prime situation, Rung won't say anything. I promise," Bumblebee reassured.

"I do not want to go to therapy," Optimus declared.

"Optimus, I think it would be good for you," Bumblebee insisted.

"The information I know and the burdens that I bare are not meant for anyone else," Optimus retorted.

"You don't have to tell them everything. Just one thing at a time," Bumblebee pressed.

"I cannot," Optimus declared, doing his best to remain calm.

"...I'm sorry, Optimus, but why?" Bumblebee pleaded, "You've been through enough, more than anyone else that we know. You could really use this. You need this. You don't have to think about leading us right now. We can wait for you. You can just focus on yourself."

Optimus didn't have a reply to that, so Bumblebee continued, wanting to get a confirmation that Optimus would take up his offer. "I know that it's been six months since that day that you had to-!"

The nightmare version of Eren flashed through his mind before crushing the glass cube in his servo, spilling energon all over the table. Optimus was stunned his reaction while Bumblebee was already on his pedes. Optimus quickly collected himself before standing up.

"I will not be going to therapy," Optimus declared coldly before standing up and leaving the room. He didn't even bother to wipe the energon from his servo as he stepped outside. Meanwhile, Bumblebee stared at the mess that Optimus had made, seeing his reflection in the energon. He wanted to help his leader and friend, but...he was certain he just made it worse. He didn't mean to. He didn't want to, but...he did.

========

Something was clearly wrong with Optimus, and it's been going on for the past few days.

In all their years of knowing Optimus, Hanji could tell when Optimus was in a bad mood. But this seemed serious. Optimus was forcing a smile, keeping conversations short, refusing to engage with world leaders like Willy Tybur. And he just didn't seem to want to sleep. He looked so exhausted.

But one thing that Hanji did notice, was that Optimus was actively avoiding Bumblebee. Which was strange. Optimus and Bumblebee seemed to be on pretty good standing with each other, but now things seemed to be rather tense. Like Optimus was trying to avoid Bumblebee every time he tried to talk to him. They weren't sure if they should ask, but....it was time for an interrogation.

"Bumblebee, hello!" Bumblebee jolted when Hanji landed on his shoulder with their 3D gear, "How have you been?!"

"Oh! I'm...fine," Bumblebee answered.

"Hmmm. I doubt that," Hanji accused, causing Bumblebee to flinch, "What's wrong? You can tell little old me."

"I don't really know you that well," Bumblebee reminded.

"Then it's the perfect time to get to know each other," Hanji proclaimed, "Tell me, do you have a favorite food?"

"I know when someone's trying to interrogate me. I've been in that situation one too many times," Bumblebee explained.

"Boo! You're no fun!" Hanji jeered, "But I'm serious. What's wrong? You and Optimus have been acting strange around each other. It's unlike the both of you."

"It's that obvious?" Bumblebee sighed in defeat.

"I've studied Optimus for years, I've annoyed Megatron for years, and my best friend is Levi," Hanji listed, "When you're surrounded by people like that, you can read anyone else."

Bumblebee sighed in defeat. "I recommended therapy to Optimus, and he said no."

"I doubt that it ended with just 'no'," Hanji assumed. Bumblebee's rather despondent expression answered their question, "What is therapy exactly?"

"Basically, it's a way to talk to someone about your problems and they psychoanalyze you to figure out what's wrong and determine how to make you better," Bumblebee explained.

"Oh, I think I've heard about that through your human allies," Hanji recalled, "But this is Optimus we're talking about. He harbors the weight of the world on his shoulders and refuses to let anyone else harbor that burden."

"...then he's probably never going to do therapy," Bumblebee lamented, "Especially not for me."

"I wouldn’t say that," Hanji chided before an idea formed into their head, "But I have an idea."

===

Later on Earth

"You want us to go to therapy?!" Sasha asked Hanji in confusion as the Survey Corps, Warriors, Jack ,and Miko were seating in the recreation area of Unit E. However, Jean and Rafael were missing from the group.

"Yes, for Optimus!" Hanji declared.

"Don't care. I'm out." Annie stood up and walked down the steps.

"Coward!" Hanji shouted, "No one else is leaving or I'm jumping them!"

"Wait a minute, what even caused this to happen?" Jack asked in confusion.

"See, I spoke with Bumblebee, and he told me he recommended therapy to Optimus, which Optimus has refused because he doesn't know how to take care of himself," Hanji explained.

"Can attest. I had to coerce Optimus into washing himself every few weeks." Levi raised his hand.

"It does look like he hasn't slept in a while, and he's refused to talk to Willy," Historia added.

"Dude's probably still wrecked over the fact that he killed Eren," Ymir stated, "He almost blew the peace treaty because of it."

"But how would us going to therapy help Optimus go to therapy?" Pieck asked in confusion, "As far as I'm concerned, Bumblebee worked with Optimus for millions of years and Optimus said no to him."

"Well to see all of his friends go to therapy could give him the moral support he needs to go himself," Hanji insisted, "And also, Optimus has a very different dynamic with the Autobots compared to us. There are expectations with the Autobots because of his status as a Prime. We don't give a shit about that."

"Not to mention, all of you guys need therapy," Jack declared, "None of you guys are sane."

"I would consider myself sane!" Hanji proclaimed.

"Hanji, that's a terrible joke," Erwin said, earning a glare from the Commander.

"You guys have been through so much trauma, at this point. Therapy shouldn't even be about Optimus. It should be about you," Jack explained.

"Does therapy help?" Armin asked.

"It does," Miko answered, "We've been going to therapy ever since we became agents. But it was also because Jack's mom insisted we do."

"Good decision, honestly. We love the Autobots, but we've been in too many life and death situations," Jack said.

"Doesn't help that the one who caused majority of our traumatic experiences is running around on another planet!" Miko glared at Hanji.

"Okay, I will take fault for that," Hanji relented.

"I mean...is it...safe?" Falco couldn't help but ask.

"Is therapy safe?" Miko almost laughed, earning an elbow jab from Jack.

"It's never been safe for Eldians to admit how they truly feel, lest they be shipped off to Paradis and turned into titans," Pieck reminded Miko in a cold tone.

"Sorry," Miko apologized.

"Therapy sounds like weakness. I don't want to go," Gabi declared.

"I get it. It can be nerve wracking to admit certain things about yourself to a person you don't know, but it's good and the doctor is obligated by law to not saw anything about your conversation," Jack explained.

"...Jean mentioned it to me," Mikasa spoke up, "He says it's been helpful."

"What's been helpful?" Jean asked as he walked up the steps.

"Therapy," Hanji answered.

"Oh yeah, therapy's great," Jean agreed.

"Really?" Sasha asked in surprise.

"Yeah, I go to group therapy with a bunch of U.S. war vets who've also lost their limbs." Jean gestured to his prosthetic leg, "We talk about our experiences and the recovery process and sometimes we get food."

"Oh we can get food?!" Sasha exclaimed.

"That's more exclusive to group therapy, I think. Not individual appointments," Jean explained.

"Did you run into Raf?" Jack asked.

"Yeah, he looked tired when I ran into him when he finished his therapy appointment. He looked tired, said 'Don't talk to me', and drank a giant cup of coffee," Jean explained.

"Yeah, Raf doesn't talk about therapy. He's the most messed up out of us three," Miko proclaimed.

"But it helps?!" Hanji pressed.

"Yeah, it's just nice to talk to someone with a similar experience and not get demeaned for being vulnerable," Jean answered, "It's also nice to talk to some people with sanity!"

"Good, so we should all do it!" Hanji addressed the rest of them, ignoring Jean's jab at them, "I am willing to schedule an appointment! Who's with me?!"

Everyone else muttered nervously, causing Hanji to groan. "C'mon! Jean said it was good! Listen to him!"

"It doesn't have to be consistent," Jack reassured, "You guys can just do one therapy session to get a feel for it. If you don't like it, then you don't have to schedule another appointment."

"...Just one?" Armin asked.

"Just do one! For Optimus!" Hanji pleaded.

Mikasa remembered the day Optimus had arrived at her door and how he broke down in fronts. She remembered his tears and his apologies, and the pain that he felt and is still feeling. He needs help. Now more than ever. "I'll do it. I'll do therapy."

"...Fine. But just one," Levi informed.

"Yes!" Hanji cheered.

"Do we have to?" Gabi asked Pieck, "Can we just not do it like Annie?"

"You know how Annie is. But therapy might be good for you," Pieck insisted, "We've been through a lot, and I'm sure that you want to talk to someone about how you feel."

Gabi looked down in guilt.

"And wouldn't it be liberating to finally talk about it?" Pieck asked, "This is a luxury none of us thought we could ever have: to be truthful without consequences."

Gabi thought it over and sighed. "Fine. But I'll just waste time."

"Gabi," Pieck warned her.

"Okay, I'm calling our therapist, Dr. Hernandez. She's the one that knows the most about the situation since we've been telling her about it in therapy," Jack said as he opened his phone.

"She's not going to be happy about that," Miko told him.

"I know, but they need it," Jack declared, "And if this somehow helps Optimus. It'll be worth it."

======

A few days later

Armin opened the door and stepped into an office. He was told that this was the place where the therapy appointment was supposed to take place, and it looked surprisingly cozy. There were two soft chairs facing each other with a table separating the two. On the table, was a desert plant in a vase and a box of tissues. There was a long couch right behind the chair with a pillow on the end of it. There was also a round beige rug under the two chairs. No windows were in the room. No rays of sunlight. It was just four plain walls with a few paintings of plants hanging on each one.

Armin flinched when he heard the door open behind him and turned to see a woman in a lab coat and combat boots step into the room. She had a light brown skin complexion, and dark wavy hair tied in a low ponytail. She held a notebook and clipboard in her hand, and when she went to look at her clipboard, Armin saw a scar over her left eye, with the cornea scratched out.

"Armin...Arlert? Am I pronouncing that right?" she asked.

"Yeah, that's correct," Armin replied and the woman held out her hand and smiled.

"My name is Dr. Isabel Hernandez. I'm an MD that received my credentials from Northwestern University, and I've been specialist in my craft for ten years now," she introduced herself, "I've heard about your accomplishments on your home planet. The U.S. government commends you for your bravery."

"Thank you." Armin reached out and shook her hand, "What's Northwestern University?"

"It's a prestigious school in the U.S.," Dr, Hernandez explained, "I usually explain my credentials and qualifications to my patients to put them more at ease."

"Oh," Armin muttered.

"I have been caught up on the situation from reports and eye witnesses, so I do have an fairly decent understanding," she explained, "Please take a seat and we can get started on our session."

"Okay." Armin couldn't help but be nervous as he sat down in one of the chairs, the one that was on his left. The therapist took the seat on the right before pulling out her notebook and opening it.

"So what brings you into my office today?" she asked.

=========

"Our Commander, Hanji Zoe, insisted that we all do at least one session of therapy," Mikasa explained, "They said that it was because Optimus was refusing to go to therapy when Bumblebee insisted he do."

"So you're doing this because of Optimus Prime?" Dr. Hernandez asked, "Did you feel obligated or pressured into doing this because of Hanji Zoe's insistence?"

Mikasa thought it over. "Not entirely...no..." Mikasa found herself picking at the fabric of her skirt. "I had actually heard about it through Jean. He recommended it to me, and...I've thought about it for a while. I've...just been putting it off."

"Was it something that was intentional?" she asked.

"No...I don't think so," Mikasa answered, "I've been getting physical therapy. I've had to get some skin grafting for my arms. And then I've been helping out with repairs from the damage from the Rumbling."

"I did ask Nurse Darby for some of the basic information regarding your medical notes, and she told me that you didn't come to Earth to get treatment until over a month later," Dr. Hernandez explained as she looked at her clipboard, "What prompted you to wait to receive treatment?"

"I...I just wanted to be left alone after the Rumbling," Mikasa admitted, "I was tired. I didn't want to fight anymore."

"But you came back," Dr. Hernandez stated, "Why?"

"...it was because of Optimus," Mikasa admitted.

"It does sound like part of you believes you're doing this as a form of repayment for Optimus," Dr. Hernandez stated, "Therapy shouldn't be a form of repayment for someone else. It's for your own health and benefit."

"It's a lot more complicated than that," Mikasa admitted.

"Would you be willing to explain?" she asked.

Mikasa looked down at her hands. "I...I abandoned my comrades and went home. I just wanted to live in peace...but I couldn't...Armin and the others...they came to try and bring me back...I refused...."

Mikasa waited for the woman to interrupt her, but she didn't. She was patiently waiting for her to finish her story. "I...I was tired....I was so tired of everything."

A memory of the knife in her hands flashed through her mind and she felt an immense amount of guilt. "I tried to end it all...but Optimus found me..." Tears formed in her eyes. "And he was....so devastated...he was in pain...they were all in pain. How could I think of leaving them?"

Dr. Hernandez handed Mikasa a box of tissues as she started crying. Mikasa took a few and wiped her tears before blowing her nose out. "Mikasa, I do have to ask a series of questions now that you've admitted that you've attempted to take your life."

"But that was only one time!" Mikasa insisted, "I haven't wanted to take my life since!"

"So you haven't attempted suicide again?" Mikasa shook her head.

"Have you had suicidal thoughts?" Mikasa shook her head.

"Any signs of depression?" Mikasa paused at that before nodding her head.

"Then we're going to have to dig deeper into that," Dr. Hernandez declared, "I'm sorry, but it is standard procedure."

Mikasa nodded in response, but she couldn't help but feel uneasy at that.

========

"I lost my best friend!" Sasha broke down into tears, "Connie died in my arms and I had to bury him and I know it's been months now, but it still hurts! My skills couldn't help him! I couldn't save him! And Eren was the one who killed him!"

Dr. Hernandez was a little taken aback by the outburst but quickly recollected herself before handing Sasha a box of tissues. "Eren Jaeger was once your comrade, correct?"

"We all used to be friends!" Sasha yelled, "I just don't get why he would do it! All this time I thought it would be some sort of misunderstanding! We all fought together! Ate together! Slept under the same roof! And he still attacked us!"

"You are taken off-guard because you never expected this kind of betrayal from a friend," Dr. Hernandez said.

"I don't get it! Did he want to destroy the world more than being by our side?!" Sasha demanded. Dr. Hernandez didn't flinch as Sasha grabbed the potted plant and threw it at the wall, shattering the vase to pieces and getting dirt on the ground.

=======

"So you are not doing this because your Commander insist that you do?" Dr. Hernandez asked Erwin.

"Hanji used to be my subordinate. I'm certain I could get them in line if I pushed too far," Erwin proclaimed, "No, I'm doing this because...I harbor a tremendous amount of guilt. I've lead many of my comrades to their deaths for my own selfish desires, lying to others and myself saying it was for the sake of humanity."

"I see. I have heard through the reports that a few of you believed humanity to be extinct," Dr. Hernandez recalled.

"I had suspected that humanity wasn't extinct, and I joined the Survey Corps in order to confirm those suspicions," Erwin admitted.

"You joined a military branch with the highest mortality rate to confirm a suspicious?" Dr. Hernandez raised an eyebrow at that, "Can you explain what caused you to make a decision like that?"

"....My ignorance had gotten my father killed when I was a young boy," Erwin admitted.

======

"You were an orphan on the streets, taken in by a cult and worshipped as a deity, arrested, tortured, locked in what was essentially a prison for sixty years, regained your humanity by eating someone, and then you joined the military because you heard about an illegitimate heir who later became your wife," Dr. Hernandez recapped.

"Yeah, that's my whole life story," Ymir shrugged.

"I'm concerned with the rather flippant attitude you're giving me," Dr. Hernandez confessed.

"Look, I don't know what else to say here," Ymir confessed, "My case is weird, and I doubt that you can help me resolve all of that."

Dr. Hernandez put a hand over her mouth. "Well I can't help with the sixty years of imprisonment, but I have given therapy to former cult members. So if you want, we can discuss your life during that time and discuss any deep seated trauma the cult might have given you."

Ymir sighed at that. "Well, I was used as a scapegoat for the cult when we got arrested. So I guess I can unpack all that."

========

"I don't really enjoy being the Queen of Paradis," Historia admitted, "Frankly, it was a responsibility forced on me because my father wanted to keep humanity ignorant because of the will of one of my ancestors. There are some perks to it. I'm able to use my power to give children homes, and I am respected for having the command of two of the most powerful titans in existence, but I wouldn't mind not having all of this power and responsibility on my shoulders."

"You were never given any proper training for your position. I can imagine the pressures you are experiencing," Dr. Hernandez commented, "Have you been able to communicate with anyone else in your position when you learned of humanity's survival?"

"I have with Emperor Kenshin," Historia explained, "He's older than I am, and has a lot more experience. So I've asked him for advice."

"Well it is good that you've taken a proactive step in reaching out for help," Dr. Hernandez praised.

"But am I going to have to be queen for the rest of my life?" Historia groaned in defeat, "I'm married to Ymir. I'm not going to be producing a biological heir anytime soon."

"There are resources on Earth that I can direct you to regarding different forms of government. Once you feel everything has stabilized, you can reviews these resources and try to implement them yourself," Dr. Hernandez suggested.

"That sounds perfect!" Historia exclaimed with excitement.

"But you have to be careful," Dr. Hernandez warned, "If you don't do this right, a coup can happen, and someone can usurp power from you."

"I understand," Historia nodded.

======

"Hey, look!" Hanji pointed to their eyepatch before pointing to the doctor's damaged eye, "Twins!"

Dr. Hernandez's mouth formed a thin line before writing something down.

"What-uh? What are you writing?" Hanji asked nervously.

"That you deflect your trauma through humor," Dr. Hernandez replied.

Hanji gasped in horror. "I don't do that! I am actually quite open with my emotions! I find it to be very helpful!...Although, there was one time...."

"Hm," Dr. Hernandez hummed in response.

"I didn't deflect my emotions," Hanji insisted, "But I did let my anger get the better of me when I found out about a friend's death at the hands of a temporary ally we made, and in anger I asked Megatron to kill him for me, but when he said no I threw two bottles of whiskey at him."

Dr. Hernandez stared in disbelief before scratching out the note that she had made. "Never mind, you and I are going to have to dig deeper."

"Breaking down my own mind," Hanji grinned, "How fun."

Dr. Hernandez didn't reply as she wrote 'impulsive', 'hyper fixated', and 'reckless' next to each other.

======

Levi didn't say anything. He refused to say a word as he sat across from the therapist in his wheelchair. The two remained in silence for a good few minutes, both staring each other down. Dr. Hernandez broke her gaze as she went to write something down in her notebook.

"Don't you fucking dare write anything down," Levi ordered her, causing her to pause, her pen not even touching the paper. The therapist then set the notebook and pen on the table.

"Okay, how do you want to do this?" Dr. Hernandez asked.

Levi raised an eyebrow at that. "As far as I know, I don't have to tell you shit."

"You're right," Dr. Hernandez shrugged, "We could sit here for 30 minutes in silence and I would still get paid. But I can't force you to do something that you don't want to. It violates HIPAA. In fact, you're more than welcome to leave."

Levi sighed at that. "I'm still...deciding."

"Are you doing this for Hanji's sake, Optimus' sake, or your own sake?" she asked.

"...I don't know," Levi admitted.

"Well we have 20 minutes left when you're ready to answer." Dr. Hernandez checked her watch.

=======

Pieck couldn't help but start tapping her cane nervously as she sat on the long couch. "I've...it's been a while since I've been in a compromising position like this. I try my best to avoid that."

"You lived in an internment zone your whole life before becoming a weapon of the state," Dr. Hernandez recalled, "I can imagine why you would be nervous."

"It's not even just that," Pieck admitted before lying down, "I did...I did everything right. I knew that Marley was a sham and they would probably kill us later down the line, but I still played by the rules because I believed in my comrades who I've fought beside. I did all of this, killed so many people, just so my father could continue living. Sure, my life would have been shortened, but for me, it was a small price to pay."

Pieck's grip on the cane got tighter. "But the Rumbling happened, and my home got crushed. My father no doubt got crushed with it. I've been holding onto a fleeting hope that they might have gotten out, but who am I kidding? They probably got crushed to death. I played by the rules, and my father dies. Annie broke the rules, and her father gets to live."

"Do you resent Annie for that?" Dr. Hernandez asked.

"Yes....no...I don't know," Pieck confessed, "She was given an out and she took it. Who wouldn't in our position? But I...I just want my dad back."

Pieck started crying as she covered her eyes to hide her tears. "Everything I ever did was for nothing."

==========

"My brother and I were forced to become Warriors because of what our uncle did," Colt explained, "It was either we shorten our lifespans for the sake of Marley, or get turned into titans for combat."

"How old were you when you were forced to enlist?" Dr. Hernandez asked.

"Twelve for me. Eight for my brother," Colt answered.

"You've seen too much death and destruction for someone your age," Dr. Hernandez commented.

"Yeah," Colt sighed, "With....the attack on Liberio...twice...the Rumbling...but...I can't help but feel happy."

Colt clenched his fists. "Sure the world got trampled, my parents are dead, but Marley's been destroyed, and I've never been happier. They can't hurt us. They can't hurt me, my brother, or anyone else I care about ever again. And I'm glad their dead."

Colt froze in fear, slowly turning his gaze to the therapist. But she didn't respond to his sinister thoughts. She didn't even write anything down. "I-!"

"Nothing leaves this room," Dr. Hernandez swore to him.

==========

"I lost months of my life," Falco lamented, "I wake up one day, enjoying a festival that was supposed to unite the world against Paradis. The next thing I know, it's a war zone. After that I get shot, I black out, I wake up on another world, and find out that everything that I've ever known is gone. My parents, my home, Reiner and Porco died! And I couldn't do anything about it!"

"Falco, there's not much you could have you," Dr. Hernandez insisted, "Despite your training, you're still a child."

"But I was supposed to die for my country! Yet I'm somehow still alive! What about the people I was fighting for?!" Falco demanded, "And!...And it doesn't help when I caused the Liberio attack in the first place! I aided and abetted the enemy!"

Dr. Hernandez raised an eyebrow at that. "How?"

"I....I got tricked into sending letters to Eren Jaeger's comrades outside the internment zone," Falco sighed in defeat, "I still...I still haven't told anyone I've done it yet. And I don't want to."

"But it sounds like the guilt of keeping this a secret from the people you love is hurting you," Dr. Hernandez concluded, causing Falco to cross his arms and slouch in his chair.

=========

"I'm not saying anything to you!" Gabi declared with a pout, "You can't make me talk!"

"You're talking right now," Dr. Hernandez retorted.

"Shut up!" Gabi yelled at her.

"Gabi, I have already been made aware of the conditions that you've lived under. Understand that this is a safe place where you can express your feelings freely," Dr. Hernandez reassured.

"No!" Gabi spat at her.

"I'm going to have to assume it was because you weren't allowed to express your emotions freely," she assumed, "The others have talked to me about their feelings. This is a safe environment to speak up about your feelings."

"What did they talk about?" Gabi asked.

"I can't say. That'd be violating my oath," Dr. Hernandez answered.

Gabi's arms slowly uncrossed at that. "I know Falco said something mean about me."

"Why would you assume Falco said anything about you at all?" Dr. Hernandez asked.

"Ha! You admitted something! You broke your oath!" Gabi pointed at her.

"I didn't say anything revealing. I asked why you would assume Falco said something about you. From what I could gather, it sounds like you were assuming Falco was going to say something mean about you," Dr. Hernandez accused.

Gabi blushed with embarrassment.

"Why would you assume Falco said something mean about you?" Dr. Hernandez asked again.

"...Because I nearly got him killed," Gabi admitted, "I jumped onto the ship and he followed me to stop me...and he almost died because of it."

=========

“I loved Eren,” Armin confessed, “He was my best friend. My very first one, but…I couldn’t see the signs of his descent to madness. Or…maybe I didn’t want to see it.”

“Why did you not want to see it?” Dr. Hernandez asked as she wrote down ‘survivor’s guilt’ for Armin.

"Maybe I just didn't want to believe it," Armin answered, "Maybe because I didn't want to believe that my friend could ever be that cruel. I never thought his hatred could manifest in that kind of way."

Armin gripped his knees tighter. "Now I just....I hate him now. Or I'm trying to hate him, but I'm just finding myself to be a hypocrite when I do. And I still can't find it in me to hate him. We've been friends longer than enemies, and I tried so hard to help find another solution for him. Why wouldn't he accept another solution?"

"PTSD can manifest differently for each person if left untreated," Dr. Hernandez explained, "Common side effects can include aggression, social isolation, and depression. Eren was clearly traumatized at a young age and was never given the opportunity to grow past that trauma in a healthy way."

"But we were in the same situation!" Armin exclaimed, "We lost our homes! We lost our parents! Our comrades were eaten in front of us! Why did we end up so different?! Why am I still here while Eren isn't?!"

"From what I could gather, Eren Jaeger also possessed a tremendous amount of power at his age. That power, along with his PTSD and the threats of the world, got to his head at some point. He no doubt felt like a cornered animal trying to lash out, constantly trying to justify his actions until he couldn't anymore," Dr. Hernandez explained, "Perhaps there was a gap in understanding because of the power and responsibility he possessed."

"But we still tried to find other solutions!" Armin insisted, "We tried to give Eren a solution that would require the least amount of bloodshed!"

"And you did your part," Dr. Hernandez emphasized, "Armin, from what I could gather, you and your comrades provided Eren opportunities to stand down and find a peaceful solution, which he failed to take. You did your responsibility, but it was Eren who refused to take your offer of peace. You can't blame yourself for him not accepting that offer."

"I'm trying not too," Armin declared, "I...I really am trying. I've disowned him too. But every time I think about it, I feel more hypocritical because I helped save Megatron of all people. Do you realize how messed up that is? I've disowned Eren, but I'm defending Megatron."

"I suppose one could consider that hypocritical," Dr. Hernandez stated, "And I have a negative bias towards Megatron myself, as do many others. However, information I've been given shows that Megatron is taking accountability for his actions, and has actively risked his life for others with no reward in return."

"But I knew Eren my whole life! Megatron I've only known for fours years and most of those years were hostile!" Armin retorted, "I just...this isn't how I wanted things to be. And I'm angry and guilty and ashamed. Because I know that if I somehow managed to convince Megatron to change his mind, then I could have done more for Eren in order to prevent the Rumbling."

Dr. Hernandez sighed as she closed the notebook in her hand. "The unfortunate truth is I can't give you all the answers you want right now. You're showing clear signs of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Anxiety, Inferiority Complex, and Survivor's Guilt. And from experience, it can take a long time to properly manage such diagnoses."

"Not...cure," Armin pressed.

Dr. Hernandez smiled bitterly at that. "That'd be a wish anyone would want. To return to ignorance and innocence. But the reality is that it will always remain with you. No matter how many years have passed, no matter how big the jar gets, the thing that scarred you will always be apart of you. But it's up to you to decide how you handle your trauma. Do you let it harm you and consume you? Or do you take to proper steps to accept what happened and continue onward?"

========

That night

"So...how'd it go?" Jean asked everyone as they sat on the top of the Nemesis, earning groans of defeat from the majority of them.

"It went surprisingly well," Historia smiled.

"Ha! Ha! I'm a terrible person!" Hanji faceplanted into the ground.

"There's no way she actually said that," Miko retorted.

"No, I'm just reflecting on past behavior and I just....haven't been the best?" Hanji confessed.

"Shocker," Levi quipped.

"Apparently I've experienced something called 'religious trauma'," Ymir stated, "And that it led to me having my 'god complex'."

"I found myself admitting things I'm not proud of," Colt admitted.

"...we didn't talk much," Levi stated.

"Agreed," Gabi lied.

"Dr. Hernandez texted me, saying that she hopes you all follow up," Jack informed as he looked at his phone.

"We'll...think about it," Pieck decided.

"What are you all doing up here?" Optimus asked as he walked onto the roof of the ship, "And where have you been? I have had to deal with the Tybur's questioning today."

"Sorry, Optimus," Hanji apologized.

"It's alright, I...I have made it clear that I did not want to be involved with this world's politics," Optimus stated in annoyance.

"I will go and take care of that," Historia promised as she stood up and walked inside the Nemesis.

"Where were the rest of you?" Optimus asked the rest.

"Therapy," Levi stated bluntly.

Armin and Mikasa noticed the way Optimus flinched at that.

"Therapy?" Optimus asked.

"Yeah, I've been going to group therapy on Earth, so I recommended that everyone else go to therapy too," Jean explained.

"It was invasive. I don't like it," Gabi admitted, earning an elbow to the side from Falco.

"Ignore Gabi," Hanji said, "Therapy was good for us. You should try it. I'm sure there are Cybertronian therapists, right?"

"Yeah, but Optimus is also considered dead. Wouldn't the person talk about it?" Jean asked.

"I'm sure there's someone, right?" Hanji asked Optimus, and they noticed how Optimus darted his optics to the side, "So there is someone!"

"Bumblebee....recommended someone," Optimus confessed.

"So why don't you go?" Armin pressed.

"Wow, they are really good at playing dumb," Miko whispered to Jack.

"I..." Jack and Miko were stunned to see how nervous Optimus looked, "I have been busy."

"The Autobots can easily cover your shift," Hanji reminded, "They've done it before. And it's not you like talking to the world leaders. And we only had a thirty minute session."

"I can assure you that-!"

"For fuck's sake, go to therapy!" Levi shouted at him, causing everyone else to scream at Levi, "No fuck it, we are not coddling Optimus or anything like that! You need to go to therapy!"

"Captain, I can assure you that I am fine," Optimus insisted in a strained voice.

"Really?! You killed Eren and you're fine?!" Levi called him out, while everyone else fell dead silent, "All of us know how much that brat meant to you and you're the one that had to kill him! How the fuck are you fine?! All of us know that's a lie! Besides Megatron, you're the most fucked up out of all of us!"

"I am not going." Jack and Miko froze when they noticed the anger in Optimus' voice.

"Bullshit, you are!" Levi ordered, "How are you older than all of us and still acting like a child?!"

"My responsibilities are not yours to bare," Optimus reminded, "And I told you, I am-!"

"You're not fine!" Mikasa shouted, stunning everyone, "Optimus, you're not fine! None of us are! We all lost people we care about! We lost Eren, and it hurts me and it's hurting you and you know that! Denying it isn't going to help you!"

"You could have cost us the treaty with that outburst!" Levi reminded, "You cried over Eren after you killed him! How the hell are we supposed to interpret that?!"

"...There are many factors I would need to consider," Optimus quietly said.

"Then the Autobots can help out with that! I'm sure they'd be happy to do so!" Hanji reminded, "They have to be worried about you too!"

"Yeah, c'mon! We give a shit about you!" Miko chimed in.

"Optimus, please go to therapy. We're begging you," Armin pleaded, "We don't know how else to help you and we don't want your grief consuming you. We love you, and we want you to get better. Just please, please, tell us the truth so we can help you."

Optimus' helm hung low and he clenched his servos. He couldn't go. He didn't want to. He didn't want to confront the truth. He didn't want to be treated differently. He didn't want to admit his own failures as a leader and comrade. He was weak. He was cowardly. And he had to bare this burden alone. That's how it's always been.

But...it was wrong. He knew he wasn't well in his spark. He was in pain. He hadn't been able to sleep. It's been affecting him, and he's just fallen into the habit of trying to hide it. Was there any real need to hide it anymore? The war was over. Humanity was saved. And he was so tired of baring this burden alone. He wanted rest. He wanted release. He...he needed help. He did not want to keep living like this.

"I will...attempt to try-!" Optimus froze when he felt someone on his pedes. He looked down to see Mikasa hugging him as tight as she could, followed by Armin, Jean, Hanji, and Sasha. The Prime had kneeled down and scooped them up in his servos before cradling them close.

"Thank god," Levi sighed with relief, "At least Bumblebee will be happy."

"...we should confirm that he actually attempted therapy," Pieck suggested.

"Agreed," Erwin spoke up.

Miko raised her phone in the air to try and take a picture, but Jack placed his hand atop of the phone and lowered her arms.

========

The Next Day

Rung was quietly meditating in his office. The door was locked, his glasses were off, and his optics were closed. He mimicked breathing, inhaling and exhaling. He slowly let blue light pour out of his chest and dance around him. He focused on nothing, kept his mind calm, letting nothing outside of this room distract him-!

Rung’s colorful optics opened when he heard the familiar ping of his comm. link. The energy around him dissipated, and his optics returned to a cerulean color. It looked like his break was over. The therapist tapped the side of his helm to activate his comm. link. “Hello?”

“Hey, Rung?” A familiar voice greeted.

“Bumblebee, hello!” Rung exclaimed with excitement, “I know our last conversation you said you had to cancel because you found Arcee! And then I heard the Nemesis was taken! What happened?!”

“A lot,” Bumblebee vaguely replied, “Listen, I have a favor.”

“Anything for a friend,” Rung reassured.

“See…I have this…friend.” Rung could tell Bumblebee was choosing his words carefully, “And he’s been a little adamant to come to therapy. Part of it is because he’s afraid you might say something about him to the public.”

“Bumblebee, I am offended!” Rung exclaimed, “I am bound by a code! I do not leak client information!”

“It’s not just that!” Bumblebee insisted, “You…you cannot. And I mean, cannot, tell anyone about this patient!”

“Bumblebee-!”

“I mean it!” Bumblebee cut him off, “He’s putting a lot of trust in me and I really want to help him! You have to promise me you won’t say anything!”

“…You have my word. I will not say a word about this patient to anyone,” Rung declared, “Client confidentiality.”

Bumblebee sighed over the comm. link. “Okay. There’s a space bridge coming to get you.”

“Huh?” Rung jolted when a space bridge opened up behind him, “Who is this patient?!”

“Just come through!” Bumblebee pleaded.

“Fine.” Rung put his glasses on and grabbed his datapad and stepped through the space bridge, “But we’re having our appointment immediately afterwards because you’ve been putting it off for-!”

Rung froze as he made it to the other side of the space bridge. He was on the Nemesis. He could tell. He’s seen the ship up close before. Bumblebee was there in front of him, waving and looking rather nervous. But behind Bumblebee….was…Optimus Prime.

“…I have questions,” Rung stated after a moment of silence.

“Yes and I will answer them during our session, but Optimus could really use your help,” Bumblebee insisted.

“I mean!” Rung hated that he had to ask this question but he whispered to Bumblebee, “Are you certain that’s Optimus Prime?”

“Yes, he used the Star Saber,” Bumblebee whispered back.

“Is this what the call was for?!” Rung exclaimed.

“Yes-!”

“And please, please, don’t tell me Megatron is here too,” Rung pleaded, “Cybertronians have surmised they attract each other like magnets.”

Bumblebee looked rather nervous, confirming Rung’s suspicions. “Don’t tell me I have to give him therapy.”

“You don’t!” Bumblebee declared.

“This was a mistake,” Optimus spoke up, “My status will interfere with the therapy session.”

“Optimus, wait!” Bumblebee begged as he ran up to the Prime to get him to stay in the room. That’s when Rung noticed it. He noticed the Prime’s posture slightly slouched over. His voice sounded exhausted. His digits twitched at an abnormal rate, and his optics flickered.

“Your physical appearance suggests a lack of sleep,” Rung remarked, causing both to look at him, “Possibly insomnia.”

“…yes…” Optimus mumbled.

“For how long?” Rung asked.

Optimus didn’t answer. He refused to do so, averting his gaze from the smaller Cybertronian. Rung glanced over and Bumblebee and walked over to him. He grabbed him by the wrist and dragged him towards the door.

“Stay outside,” Rung ordered as he slammed his fist on the button to open the door, “And don’t run off! We have a long overdue session!”

Rung pressed the button again, shutting the door in front of Bumblebee. Rung turned to the Prime, who stared at him in surprise.

“This is a private session now,” Rung declared as he sat on the floor of the room, crossing his legs, "Sit. Let us begin."

"You...you will not tell anyone else?" Optimus asked him.

"Never," Rung swore, "As a licensed professional, and as someone grateful for your sacrifice, I will not tell anyone what is discussed her. And about you. Please take a seat."

Rung could tell that Optimus looked reluctant, but the Prime mustered up the courage to step forward and sit in front of Rung.

"So, how long have you been experiencing symptoms of insomnia?" Rung asked.

(God this was a long one. Anyway, still making edits to the final chapter. It should be posted by....let's say this weekend.)

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proshippers-against-censorship · 4 months ago

Note

Long ask incoming so i really apologise for that lol.

in my honest opinion yaelokre is going about this incredibly wrong. but the way people have been talking about not only their characters (to be clear im not saying this because of "blah blah they're children" fake morality stuff or whatever lmao im a proshipper myself—but one of the main characters is quite literally meant to represent/be keath themself) but about them themself (sending them rape threats, threatening to draw them having sex with their characters?? I've seen a lot on the internet these past couple days, especially in proship spaces, which is so upsetting to me because I had so much more faith in our community 😭)... All this is incredibly disgusting to watch. and disheartening.

Are they going about this incredibly irresponsibly? Yes! Is it naive for them to expect that no rule 34 is created whatsoever? Yeah, probably! But they did explicitly say they dont want the characters directly representing their own childhood (including one who's basically their own persona) sexualised, much less have it sent directly to them (which it was—that's how we even got to this point, anyway) and going ahead and mocking this boundary directly, and then encouraging people to do it out of spite feels... off to me. dunno. (To be clear i think, once again, their actions are incredibly dumb and irresponsible. They're not justified in doing any of that and im not trying to say they are lol.)

(And, while we're here, there's a difference between gigantic heavily funded capitalist projects like disney, and Some Guy working on one deeply personal thing all by themself for free. Do whatever you want with like. Thousand dollar franchises with no specific human faces behind them, but it feels so weird to tear into someone's passion project theyre making out of love for free. Idk where else in my message this point fits so I'm leaving it here.)

I can't help but be reminded of antis tearing into my own work to "fix" it simply because i was a proshipper. On paper people can do whatever they want with fiction, can't they? Of course—but taking a story i made to cope with my trauma and spitefully twisting it to their own wants for no reason other than because I was a proshipper is still harrassment, still done with malice, and—proship/anti stuff removed—an objectively fucked up and mean fucking thing to do. Artists making shit for free do not owe you anything and that includes not owing you their comfortability with people interacting with their personal projects they are sharing with others (for free!! When they don't have to!!!) in certain ways. The same way they also don't owe you being comfortable with unprompted criticism and whatever else.

The "fiction is fiction" argument doesn't hold up when it starts to hurt real people. They aren't a bad person simply for not wanting their personal project sexualised (which—you could argue "that's not the problem, the problem is how theyre going about handling it it," which i agree with; but there are several posts on this very blog and countless others mocking them entirely for simply wanting their work not sexualised, and several posts encouraging others to make sexual content of their characters out of spite. Im not saying it's sexual harrassment but god it does start to feel like it's somewhere in that realm.) This isn't the first time anything like this has happened in their community, ive been here since the beginning, and in the beginning they were so unbelievably calm and polite about their boundaries and then people started directly dming them nsfw and things spiraled and here we are.

I've used the pottery analogy to explain this before—imagine someone puts a ceramic sculpture down on a table. It belongs to them, and they're very clearly proud of it. You could push it off the table and break it if it makes you happy, you won't even face any real consequences if you do. They'll just be really upset, rightfully so—it's their thing that they physically made. Maybe they even made it as a coping mechanism, only they know for sure. And they ask you to handle it gently if you decide pick it up. There's a billion things you theoretically could do, having now been made aware of this clear boundary, but only two are right—either handling it gently, or simply not picking it up in the first place.

You're a shitty person if you push it off the table. Using excuses like "there are lots of people in this room, someone was going to decide to break it eventually" doesn't suddenly absolve you morally because you are a sentient being, not a mindless robot slaving to statistics. Maybe statistically it was going to get broken eventually, it still doesn't make it right because you chose to break it yourself, directly going against what they asked you to do when handling their property, simply because it made you happy. I know full well you would not purposely damage or otherwise ignore clear boundaries or guidelines when it comes to someone's physical shit in real life. The concept of having boundaries about your own things that you made and own is not new and having to follow others' boundaries is not you being oppressed it's just being a decent human being.

Fictional characters' feelings don't matter more than real peoples'. But your own real person feelings of Mild Disappointment at not being to make porn for something you (evidently) don't even like that much ALSO don't matter more than the creator's massive upset and discomfort at direct representations of them (real person!!!) being sexualised.

TL;DR: yeah it's stupid of them to try to Anne Rice this whole situation. And yes they deserve to be called out for it and face the consequences for their actions. But let's... not treat them like it's so bafflingly unreasonable and evil of them for simply not wanting people to sexualise characters who are meant to be a direct representation of them (real person!!!!) as a child and let's EXTRA not break their boundaries even further. Their actions are stupid, yes. But their desires are like. A perfectly normal thing to want, if a little naive. harrassment is still harrassment. Being spiteful and vicious isn't suddenly okay when you're on the "right side" with the Right Opinions doing it. Being anti-harrassment doesn't only apply to people you like.

This ask isn't meant to come off as hostile or mean or anything so I sincerely apologise if it does. Wishing you the best. I also apologise if anything in this ask reads wrong it's late at night and im recovering from a concussion lol.

Fair enough.

I'm team 'break rules, not boundaries'.

By all means, show their Anne Rice approach is stupid by creating nsfw and properly tagging it and posting it to proper spaces. Fill R34 with that. Create nsfw fanworks on AO3 with proper tags. Go ham. But they clearly don't want to see it, so don't send it to them.

You wouldn't send porn of characters to any other creator without them asking. And you shouldn't be sending rape threats either. That's fucked up.

There's a difference between acting out of spite and acting out of malice, and I won't dispute the fact that some people are taking things quite far and doing the latter.

You can say a rule is dumb without taking steps to directly harm.

#proshippers against censorship #jackal barks #proship please interact #proshippers please interact #proship positivity #proship #proshipper safe #proshipping #proshipper #anti anti #ask #asks #yaelokre #yaelokre drama

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sadceline · 2 months ago

Text

THE ENHYPEN HOST || 23

|| Reverse harem || ft. TXT, Mingyu (Seventeen) & BTS

WARNINGS: foul language, explicit content, group sex, humiliation, sex in public, threesome, foursoome, rough sex, red flags, immoral acts, unprotected sex, morbid jealousy, comedy, parody, possessiveness, violent quarrels, arguments, betrayals, lies, femdom sometimes.

GENRE: +18, reverse harem, comedy, enemy to lovers, friends to lovers

INDEX (Chapters order)

"See you again." Amanda comments, looking out the window at the Hybe office we pass. "Did you miss it?" Ester asks wryly, sitting next to her. "I'm not sure." Her friend replies.

Jungwon and I are in the front, I'm driving while the younger one seems intent on chatting to someone, though I couldn't tell who. Jungwon is very good at hiding frustration, anger and even sadness behind a serene smile.

It could be Hanni.

We take the long way round to get into Hybe's underground car park. I parked the car but didn't get out immediately, I was confused - a bit, by being with Ester and Amanda at the same time.

Even though we were all wearing black masks, the guard recognised us immediately, a little surprised to see us with the two girls.

"Where is the doctor?" Jungwon asks him.

The man looks at him, seems to understand - maybe he thinks we are here to abort the girls' pregnancies, how embarrassing, but above all how annoying that we cannot deny it.

The guard gives us directions and we take the lift to the ninth floor. Amanda seems to have calmed down at last, away from those two lunatics, but I am annoyed that she is comfortable - after all, we let her know last night that we were going to continue to take use of her.

On the contrary, Ester seems calm, although she seemed distant from the start. We didn't talk much, but I saw her again and we did, so I thought she would be more affectionate towards me, and that makes me nervous.

Could Amanda have told her about our conversation? I don't think so, I think she's more the type who would never do something like that to avoid hurting her friend - and besides, it's not like there could be anything between us after the way things turned out.

"We'll wait for you here." Jungwon says, after we have met the doctor.

He doesn't have a reassuring look on his face at all, on the contrary, he seems far too enthusiastic, especially after he tells the two of them to take off their masks before entering the office.

"Does he look okay?" I ask Jungwon, leaning against the wall as I stare at the door. "No, but Ester is there. Besides… he'll be a professional if he works here." He says it, but doesn't seem to believe it. "Like the other professionals who work here." I whisper, irritated.

Jungwon chuckles irritably. He is not too happy about Hybe taking over our agency either, although they have always been present in Belift, now they have direct decision-making power.

"What do you know about Intaek?" Jungwon asks me at some point, partly to kill time. "Why? I don't think it's dangerous for Sunoo to be with him, and I don't think it's because of what you think." "You think? He's never introduced us to the person he's with, why not him?" "I don't think he decided to tell us all of a sudden after hiding it from us for a long time. And Intaek is straight anyway, I'm pretty sure." "But… now things have changed, haven't they?"

We both sigh. I'm not in the mood for this discussion.

It hasn't even been half an hour and I'm already getting bored.

"Shall we have lunch together?" He asks after a while. "Are you sure it's okay? For Hanni? I know it's not a good time for her and the girls, does that sound right?" "Don't lecture me - Jungwon sneers amusedly, but I can tell he's nervous - I'm starting to think there's someone else who can comfort her, since she's not asking me for help." "Maybe she's just proud." "I know Hanni. - He says, but her tone has become serious. - Don't worry, just because I want to spend some time with noona…"

Instead it bothers and annoys me. I wanted to spend some time with Ester after the visit, alone, so I planned to take them home. If we were all together, at home, nothing could have happened to Amanda, right?

Or should I be worried about the opposite?

"Don't get hung up on this you too." "I'm too proud to fall for someone who has already fallen for one of us. I'm just sadistically curious." "What you say is definitely not reassuring." "'Yah! - I hear Ester talking loudly, just as two people pass by in the corridor (unbelievably, no one had passed before). - I said I don't fucking need it!" She curses in perfect korean.

Jungwon, who had been sitting down, suddenly gets up, but waits for the people to move away to abruptly open the door, finding a bizzarre situation. Both Amanda and Ester seem fine, except for the doctor in the middle, who looks very embarrassed. He is a middle-aged man, well-groomed but not handsome.

"It was just a proposal." The man says, clearing his throat. "I told you no twice! What's the point of asking a third time?" Ester replies, grabbing Amanda's wrist. I walk towards them. "What's going on?" "I just asked the young lady if…" "If she wanted to be visited? - Jungwon interrupts in disbelief. - Oh my God, really?" "Never mind." Ester complains and leaves the doctor's room without her mask, as does Amanda.

Jungwon stares at the doctor and I sigh nervously, I can't behave the way I'd like to for fear of causing a scene, but I understand the situation perfectly. I grab Jungwon's arm and drag him out, though he continues to stare at the doctor until we are outside and follow the girls.

"Wait, Ester!" I call to her. "Let's go!" She only answers me when we are in front of the lift, which is still on the first floor. "What happened?" "I don't want to get Amanda in trouble, but he was a pervert. - She says in a low voice, but clearly nervous. - He enjoyed watching her while examined her. He even had an erection, it's disgusting. He asked me if I wanted to be examined…. He kept asking fucking inappropriate questions!"

I knew I couldn't send her alone, if she had come with our manager we would never have known. Obviously our hands are tied, going back to his fucking office to beat him into unconsciousness is out of the question.

"Let's get him fired." Jungwon says, not laughing. "We can't do that. - I remind him, because he's letting his impulsiveness get the better of him. - He might tell everyone about the host and cause a scandal. "He must have signed a NDA." Says the leader. "He works in Hybe, he might have enough money to cover the debt." Jungwon slaps the wall quickly but firmly. "This sucks, I hate this shitty place." "Why didn't you call for help before?" I ask Ester. "I-I told her to leave it alone! - Amanda replies and I'm forced to look at her. - I don't want to make a mess, please. It's risky, you know. M-Maybe we should apologise." "Are you kidding? - Ester asks, and I don't know what to say. - He should be fired, warn his wife and children about what he's doing. And the other? The others host will probably go alone!" "It's absurd that nobody ever reported it." Jungwon says. I sigh and massage my eyes, the lift doesn't seem to be coming any more. "Maybe they did, and they've been covered up. We know Hybe, we know the people who work there and how they deal with the most inconvenient problems." "Fucking shit." Ester curses again, this time in english, and she has a really sultry voice.

She is so beautiful and mature. She takes care of Amanda. She gives her the attention of an older sister, even though she knows all the backstory and even though she knows we were together and probably suspects it will happen again.

"If this got out, it would hurt everyone in the company." Amanda explains sadly. Ester strokes her head and hugs her. "Are you OK?" "He didn't do anything weird, he just had a lot of fun…" She nods, perhaps trying to reassure us all. "And you? - I ask Ester. - How are you?" She stares at me in silence, not seeming to want to answer me, but then she smiles and looks back at Amanda, though she doesn't seem to be sincere. "Nothing happened to me."

Just then the lift arrives and I sigh with relief. The sooner we get out of this building, the sooner the two of them will be safe - I'm not forgetting that we might run into…

Shit, that's him. Coming out of the lift, it's him.

Ester turns around confused and paralysed when she sees him coming out, he just stops and smiles at her, realising she's a fan. Of course he looks at Amanda too, he makes a 'damn girl' expression, then very smiling he turns towards us.

'Taehyung sumbae. - I say, uncomfortably, making a polite but very hinted head sign. - How nice to meet us." "Fuck - says the BTS senior, putting a hand on Jungwon's shoulder - you guys got big, huh?" "Sumbae… great - sighs Jungwon. - Why are you at Hybe?" "I fell recently, hurt my shoulder. - He explains with great kindness that I don't remember it belonging to him, though. - Hybe doesn't want me to go to real hospitals, so they can hide what they want from me. How about you?" He asks, looking at the girls, Ester cannot speak.

I am, yes, objectively jealous. She used to have these reactions with me, didn't she?

She's already got used tome, I see.

We all laugh, I less sincerely though because everything that shouldn't have happened has just happened, after all Murphy's Law says it too, if something can go wrong, it will.

"Routine visit." Jungwon replies in a seemingly good mood, though I notice he is getting closer to Amanda. "Dude, you brought company. Man, they're too good for newbies like you…" We laugh again. "But here we are." "Why don't we have a drink? Seokjin's coming over."

What the hell… well, at least it's not Jungkook.

"Ah… that sounds safe? Where could we go tomorrow morning?" Jungwon tries to respectfully decline the invitation, but for a sumbae of his calibre, it would be a serious offence to refuse. "Hybe has a nice café. - Taehyung replies immediately with a smug smile. - Don't worry about what they might say at Hybe, we often come here with girls, it's the only place where we can have breakfast in the area. They'll think they're with us, it's okay."

No, all is not okay. I look at Jungwon, he looks at me, although we try not to show it, we share the bad mood.

"That would be great, sumbae - Jungwon replies, pretending to be enthusiastic - do you want us to wait for you while you go to visit? In the meantime…" "I'll go another time, it wasn't that important - Taehyung says smiling as he holds the lift open for us to get on - and besides, it would be crazy of me not to meet with the doctors from outside." He confides under his breath as he gets on behind us. "We've never spent any time together, have we?" I remember, annoyed, as I press the button for the seventh floor, where Hybe's cafeteria is located, or rather the one that is more intimate and private than the one on the first floor.

Of course, I know this place too.

"Oh, it's never too late. - Taehyung says as he looks at the girls. - Since the last time we saw each other you've grown taller, prettier and much more famous." "Yeah, but you're still working with TXT, right? They are quite famous too." I remind him. "We don't decide on these kinds of collaborations, we just accepted when they proposed it to us." The older explains. Jungwon laughs. "It's nice to be able to choose, isn't it? We can't do anything like that." "Oh well, it's like that for everyone - Taehyung sighs amusedly - but it's only because of us that Hybe is Hybe, today. We should be the ones to make practically every decision, but all we can do is choose.

Nice future perspective. I'm sure Taehyung isn't being entirely sincere, I'm quite sure Hybe treats them honourably, but to be fair there aren't many prospects who see us as the next BTS.

That is, if Hybe doesn't go bankrupt first.

"I don't want to scare you, just become more popular and things will be easier for everyone." Taehyung explains. "It's hard to believe that someone like you, sumbae, wants to spend time with us." Jungwon encourages him to throw in the towel. "Actually, I just want to meet the girls. They're not really your girls, are they?"

I look at him very badly, even he notices it and starts giggling nervously. In general I think I would be calmer if Ester wasn't there too, instead I feel guilty, I almost feel belittled, and it's ok if the person I compare myself to is Taehyung from BTS, but why am I not ok in front of Ester?

"What are your names?" He continues, looking directly at the redhead, and I twist my lips in annoyance. "Actually, they are." "And you brought her here? - Taehyung asks amused. - If you have chicks, Hybe shouldn't know. Do you bring them here?" "What kind of girls do you bring to the Hybe cafeteria? - Jungwon asks amused. - Oh, wait…"

Ester looks at me, her eyes narrowing. Has she noticed that I am jealous? No, I'm not jealous, it just wasn't supposed to be like this - and she wasn't supposed to meet any of the BTS.

"I'm Ester, I'm a big fan of yours." She introduces herself as we stop in front of the café. "Ours? - Taehyung asks smugly. - Not mine?"

She's surprised, literally speechless, but I remind her to wake up, resting my hands on her slender hips, squeezing my fingers as I gently push her into the cafeteria, I don't want it to be perceived that I'm annoyed, Jungwon and Amanda follow us, giggling amongst themselves.

Everyone turns to look at us. There aren't many people around, mostly staff - but even though nobody pulls out their phones to film us, they're probably surprised to see this strange collaboration.

"And what is your name? - Taehyung asks, gently moving the chairs for both girls. - Are you quiet?" "Amanda, not a fan of yours. - Answers for her Jungwon and I laugh, so I turn away to hide it. - Engene in the deep." "It-it's still a great honour-" Amanda tries to speak. "I mean, it is." Jungwon interrupts her, making our host sit down after placing his hands on both shoulders and pushing her forward.

Now that I see sumbae Zico coming into the cafeteria with some friends, I'm thinking that Newjeans might also come here, even though it's very hostile territory for her these days. What if Hanni sees Jungwon paying all that attention to Amanda? That's a problem.

"How cute, you're jealous of your little doll, huh?" Taehyung laughs and raises his hand to call for table service. A waitress who is literally trembling in front of us, looking mainly at Taehyung, though I avoid looking at her as she is highly uncomfortable, takes several seconds before she manages to speak. "It's an honour… s-sir Kim." The boy turns and watches her quietly. "Call me oppa. Listen, I'd like a caramel mocha, also an americano ice. What would you like?" He looks at Ester, into her eyes. "Pancakes. Do you make them?" She asks the waitress. The girl is confused at first. "Yes, of course." "With maple syrup, please." She smiles nervously. Jungwon looks inspired. "Wow, now I want a dessert too. - He says and seems to think about it. - Ok, a croissant and espresso."

What refined taste, I smile, is he trying to impress Amanda because she is Italian? What an idiot, doesn't he know that croissants are french?

"An Ice Americano is fine." I sigh, unlike the redhead I'm not really in the mood for sweets. "I'll have an espresso too! - Amanda says and the waitress backs away. - It's too strong, it makes you hyperactive". She jokes, under the curious gaze of Taehyung, who probably sees them together - not knowing that they are not a couple for real. "So how did you two meet?" He asks Ester and me, while the other two continue to joke. "Mutual… friends?" She raises an eyebrow , doesn't find her own words very credible. "Mutual friends." I repeat more confidently. "Weird? - Taehyung asks amused. - Or maybe not, are you models? You look like."

Amanda smiles embarrassedly like a child, she seems to blush, the fool, Jungwon notices and pouts. Ester, on the other hand, continues to stare at him, still unbelieving that she can speak directly to him.

Still, Taehyung sumbae doesn't seem so bad. It's obvious that he has Ester in his sights, but he's still polite and has only made jokes so far. I'm annoyed that he's not a jerk, because if I've noticed it, she certainly has.

"Do we look like that?" Ester asks. Taehyung raises his hand and picks up a strand of Ester's hair with his finger, I guess with the intention of finding out if it is natural red or maybe just to invade her personal space. 'Absolutely.' - He says, then looks at me and smiles. - I know you've been doing great lately. You are very talented and have improved a lot recently." He compliments me. I'm really honoured, I don't even know what to say because I wasn't expecting a compliment. "Thank you…" "Jay hyung has become much more confident." Jungwon explains. Ester smiles but doesn't look at me. "Sometimes I forget you are so young." "Young? Aren't you his age?" Taehyung asks. "No, I'm much older." She giggles embarrassed. "Nah, no way. - He says. - Are you older than me?" "No, but…" "Then if you can't call your friend oppa, you should call me…" "Oppa?" Ester repeats incredulously. Amanda looks at him and seems to repeat the word, but Jungwon promptly shuts her mouth. "No, don't say that!" "She prefers younger guys, sumbae. Forget it." I tell him in a forced friendly tone. Taehyung laughs happily. "How cute, you remind me of me at your age. Anyway, when do you start the promotion again?" "We leave for Spain on the 10th." Jungwon says. "What?" Ester asks, confused, turning to me.

In fact I didn't even think of telling her, I was hoping she would know. The Music Bank has been planned for many months, if she was a fan she would know. Even Amanda only seems to know now, but she is justified considering what happens to her on a daily basis….

"Oh yes, the Mubank. First time abroad? I feel like no." Taehyung sumbae says. "Not really. But we love the idea of going to Madrid." I say. "Oh yeah, that's what it's called. - Jungwon replies with a chuckle. - I keep forgetting." "We've been to Europe before, even to the Prada event. - I explain. - In fact, we are leaving for Milan on monday for this year's."

Ester is still looking at me, I know she's angry, but we haven't had such relationship yet. I feel a bit guilty, though, because we have only just found out about the trip.

"Monday." Ester says, nodding. "You didn't know? - Taehyung asks amused. - Fuck I didn't know, sorry." He says to me. "When they go to my country? To Italy? Yes, of course I knew that." Ester says, laughing.

Meanwhile, the waitress returns and we are all silent for a long time as she places our orders in front of us.

"Are you Italian?"

Ester smiles as she pours herself some maple syrup, she is incredibly elegant even doing something so common.

"Can't you feel my heat? I'm hot."

Taehyung bursts out laughing, Amanda follows, Jungwon hints at a giggle, while I remain impassive.

"I'm going to meet his parents."

Ester drops the bag of maple syrup on the pancakes, Amanda raises both eyebrows in surprise, she has the same expression as Jungwon. Soon they all burst out laughing and I sigh with relief, I was starting to feel uncomfortable.

"It's not true, he's lying." Ester says, still visibly shaken. "Well, before you take such a way - he puts his ear to her as they sit side by side in front of me - you should look around. Aren't you an army? I know someone in the BTS, even the handsome one, V, I think". He jokes, amused, how funny. "Are you happy with this collaboration with TXT? - Jungwon asks, noticing that the tone in which he said it not only didn't please me, it was really starting to get on my nerves, and it was blatantly touching her face. I sat up stiffly as I glared at him. - They seemed very sure that this would happen." "Hybe treats them way too well, doesn't it?" Taehyung asks, as if he wants us to say something. "It would be nice to think so - I sigh - but they're not doing too well either. They keep getting injured, but Hybe does nothing to ease their work." "Indeed. - He agrees with me without saying anything about it. - But I'm sure that sooner or later we'll be working together too, and then… since you're the perfect number, seven like us, I'm sure you'll break through. But of course I'm not saying that because this, you're good - he chuckles as he looks at us - and yes, very cute too". "You think so? - Jungwon smiles nervously, realising that he has somehow made us out to be a BTS clone group. - I hope you're right, sumbae." "Call me hyung." He tells him.

Taehyung is certainly strange, I think irritated, but here comes Jin Sumbae, Taehyung's colleague. He looks at us all very surprised.

"Aigoo, what is this, a reunion? - Then look at the girls. - With call girls?" Amanda chokes, Ester, despite being one of the BTS, gives him a dirty look. "W-What?" She's angry, but you can tell she's excited as she speaks to him. "Oh God, I thought you didn't speak korean. - He says, laughing with Taehyung as he sits next to Amanda. - Sorry, that was a stupid joke. Let's start again!" His tone is cheerful and friendly, then he focuses on us Enhypens and grins. "Wow, what brings you to Hybe? Don't you have your own place?" I sigh in irritation. "A lot of the things we used to do in Hybe, we have to do here now." "Oh right, the takeover - Seokjin nods - I feel sorry for you." "We feel sorry too." Jungwon comments amused.

We all laugh, a little coldly. As Jin starts to drink the drink Taehyung had ordered for him, he starts to tell us how surprised he is by our sudden and incredible popularity, then we try to congratulate them for their amazing success.

"And you are…" Seokjin asks after a while. "Amanda - the redhead points at her friend, then at herself - and Ester." "I'm sorry - Jin says, looking into Ester's eyes - it's just a joke we often make between us. It was absolutely rude of me, how can I make it up to you? - He then turns to Jungwon and me, who are sitting nearby. - Are they your girlfriends? You're out of your mind bringing them here." "It's okay, Hybe knows about them." I say rather sombrely.

I see Seokjin looking at Taehyung as if he understood something, but the junior just smiles, as if he doesn't want us to understand anything. Do they really understand? That would mean that they might have had one too… or at least in the past.

"I'm in Seoul only for a few days anyway - Taehyung says, looking at Ester. - I'm having a party tomorrow, why don't you come? We were going to invite our dongsaeng anyway." Seokjin laughs and looks at his friend, then at Jungwon. "Right, you were on the list anyway." "We're leaving the next day, that would be inconvenient." I reply. "Should we only invite girls then? Do you have friends pretty as you? The boys will like that." Jin laughs. "I don't think it's appropriate for them to come without us. - He laughs along, Jungwon, who must be really annoyed now. - But that is for another time! You'll have to invite us again." "Come on, you can't? The trip takes about fifteen hours, you'll sleep on the plane". Tries to persuade, Taehyung, gently, but his eyes suddenly look evil.

We know that there is no point in refusing, and frankly I have my doubts that Heeseung wouldn't want to go - even to the detriment of Amanda herself, I don't even doubt that, and then we should ask everyone else, not even Jungwon as leader can make such a decision without consulting the others.

"Thanks for the invite - I say, confused - where will it be?" "I'll send you everything later. I think I have Heeseung's number." Taehyung says.

We finish our drinks, Ester looks completely exhausted from the pancakes, in fact they brought more than usual, she can't eat them but looks at them as if it would be a shame not to eat them.

"Why didn't you order a drink? - I ask sternly, handing her my still half-full glass. - Here, drink this." Ester looks at me with her big eyes and long black lashes. "Thank you." Just replies. "Let's go, we still have to pick up those things. - Seokjin says and puts his hand on friend's shoulder. - Guys, that was fun. Girls, I'll watch this shit for the next seven days if it makes you happy. If I see you again, I'll apologise again. "See you at the party." Taehyung says and stands up. "Don't worry about the bill, we who are older will pay." Jin warns us, waving goodbye.

We are alone at last and I seem to be able to catch my breath now that they are gone. I turn to Ester, not what I want to show, but I think my expression is rather grumpy now.

"Thanks to you, I also met the Bangtans. - She says, but looks at Amanda. - Oh my God, you are a blessing!" "Actually you should be thanking us." Jungwon says offended. "I don't think so." Ester replies amused. "Shall we go?" I ask seriously.

After all, we are walking out of this goddamn café and far this goddamn fucking agency. I open the door for Ester but she walks in without even looking at me, Jungwon does the same with Amanda.

Why the hell is she mad at me? If anything, it's me she should be mad at, the way she wagged her tail for her beloved Bangtans. Besides, if we actually go to the party, they'll see Ester at her best and I have reason to believe that the other BTS will be there too.

"Jungwon, I'll drive you home." I say. "What? No! That was not the deal!" He protests immediately. "Where am I supposed to leave you?" I answer dryly, needing to talk to Ester alone. "You can drop me off at the next stop - Ester says, making me even more nervous. - I'll take the bus." "Really?" I ask, looking completely superior.

Jungwon stares at me for several seconds, speechless.

"Noona, do you want to see my house?" He asks our host a few seconds later. "N-not sure…" Amanda says shyly. "I'm telling you, don't worry. - He's persuasive as usual, Jungwon. - Can we have lunch while you… I don't know, argue? I hope not".

He just wants to be alone with Amanda, away from those vultures, I can understand that. Apart from spending the day with Ester, somewhere safe and secluded, I don't mind, but I'm still angry.

"All right, let's do it. - I mutter, suddenly changing direction and practically knocking everyone in the car over. - You idiots, you need to put your seatbelts." "Or you could drive well." Ester says to me after buckling herself back in, glaring at me from the mirror. "Let's try again." I reply, swerving sharply again. " Yah! - Ester shouts, her genuinely shocked voice making me smile, but I hope she doesn't realise I'm amused. - Do you want to die?" "Shall we try again?" "Stop it!" She screams again. Amanda whines as Jungwon dies laughing. "Hyung, I feel so many emotions!"

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