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pupyuj · 4 months ago

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→ “favorite pastime.” || ahn yujin x jang wonyoung fic.

— despite being in the same group, it was hard for yujin and wonyoung to find time to be normal girlfriends in the middle of a world tour, so when they are finally granted a break, they decide to make the most of it...

word count: 4.7k.

dynamic: dom!vers!ahn yujin x sub!vers!jang wonyoung.

warnings: established relationship, fingering, clit play, scissoring, body worship, ya'll why is there like no other tags here hello, this fic is EMPTYYYY, this actually started out with more tags AND IT WAS GONNA BE FREAKYYYY, but it just got soft LMAO.

requested?: nope.

a/n: a little treat before the long trek that is the witch liz fic💕 i made this doc around the time they were still on the swih tour so that's why the setting is the way it is 😭 and i've been kind of writing it in the background while i worked on other, bigger stuff so no, i didn't take this long to create something so short! 😤 personally, this is like my one of the favorite things i've written 🥺 idk why i cooked so hard for annyeongz out of all things but ykw i'll take it! enough yapping, I HOPE YOU GUYS LIKE THIS 💖💖

1:37 am.

jang wonyoung had no business being up this late when she, as well as her group members, finally had the luxury to sleep to her heart’s content and not worry about being late to rehearsals and soundchecks. today’s show was the last one until a long while, which means the members of ive have the time to explore the current city they’re visiting or relax in their lavish hotel rooms for the next few days before they fly back to south korea and do some real relaxing there. wonyoung already had her next day planned out, as she always does, and thus had nothing much to think about in her mind.

except the fact that she was up at an ungodly hour brushing through her beautiful locks with her favored hairbrush in front of a vanity mirror. her doe eyes glancing at the clock each minute, getting increasingly impatient and disappointed whenever her gaze turns to the empty and cold queen-sized bed behind her. wonyoung had already done all of her post-concert routines and was more than ready to hit the sheets and sleep until nine in the morning, maybe even ten! but what was the point of resting if she didn’t rest well?

to put it simply, jang wonyoung needs only one important thing to complete her night, and that came in the form of ahn yujin, who was currently not in their shared hotel room.

pouting, wonyoung took a glance at her phone. no recent calls or texts from her dear girlfriend. before leaving the room in a hurry, yujin informed wonyoung that the managers needed to have a talk with her ‘for a bit’, but exactly three hours had passed since! it worried wonyoung, to be frank. why weren’t the other members talked to? was yujin in trouble? were they all in trouble and it was so serious that the managers needed to talk to only the leader about it? wonyoung knew in the back of her head that it was probably just company gibberish that even yujin doesn’t have all the energy to actually talk about, but wonyoung being wonyoung—being yujin’s girlfriend—she still can’t help but be concerned!

now don’t get her wrong! most of the time, wonyoung can sleep without cuddling with or even when she’s not with yujin! it’s just… she thought tonight was going to be special for the two of them. maybe they were going to spend the entire night talking about the show, how fun it was, how great they all did, and how they can’t wait for the next ones. maybe they were going to bundle up in the blankets and cuddle each other to keep warm while watching movies until they fell asleep. maybe they were going to share small and funny anecdotes about their own personal adventures in every city they’ve been in! whatever it may have been, wonyoung would’ve loved it.

she missed yujin, so much. yes, they’re together for literally every second they’re alive because duh, they’re in the same group, but wonyoung misses her in a… girlfriend kind of way. she misses their talks, their jokes, their staring competitions, their hands holding, their lips locking—she misses everything about her relationship. truthfully, wonyoung might just be a little bit dramatic because it’s not like yujin went to war or something but can anyone really blame a girl in love!?

wonyoung sighs, putting down her hairbrush and fixing her bangs with her hands. she felt (and is!!) so pretty but yujin wasn’t even around to ogle at her! she stands up, grabs her phone and pulls up yujin’s contact from her long list. she was about to press the ‘call’ button until the hotel door clicked and swung open, and entered a very smiley ahn yujin in her charming oversized flannel shirt, thick-framed glasses, and her favorite bottoms to wear lately, some… jorts.

yup, this is the girl jang wonyoung is down terrible for. a loser.

“honey, i’m home—oof!” yujin nearly gets knocked back out of the door after wonyoung tackled her for a hug. in a fit of laughter, yujin embraces her girlfriend tightly, giving her quick kisses on the side of her head in the process. yujin uses her leg to close the door shut behind the two of them before awkwardly shuffling further inside the room while still hugging wonyoung, who just refused to remove her head from the crook of yujin’s neck. the older girl wasn’t about to start complaining though—wonyoung was usually so reserved and, well, classy. only behind doors does wonyoung become this clingy, adorable creature that is always seemingly shooting hearts from her eyes while looking at yujin.

lately, they haven’t been given a lot of privacy so yujin missed her cute, loving girlfriend too! the two of them collapse slowly on the bed, where yujin immediately peppers wonyoung’s face with kisses while the younger girl laughs at the way it all tickles. eventually, yujin’s lips landed on wonyoung’s own and the latter made sure it stays there! taking yujin’s face in her hands and keeping her still, gently locking their lips in a soft, warm kiss that even makes yujin melt so quickly that she kisses back earnestly.

it was pretty easy to get lost in a searing kiss for the two of them. eventually only the smacks of their lips and their hums were heard in the room, with the occasional shuffling of the mattress underneath wonyoung and the sweet sounds that left her mouth. with the younger girl’s top slightly lifted, yujin had no problems putting her hand on wonyoung’s toned stomach and slowly dragging it upward to where wonyoung obviously wanted to touch her the second most.

“hmn.. ah, yujinnie…” how cute. yujin already had her moaning like that. yujin slides both of her hands further up until she was cupping wonyoung’s soft breasts and at the same time, she slots a knee in between the younger girl’s legs and pressed it lightly against her clothed pussy. wonyoung, being so desperate to feel yujin, starts to grind on the older girl’s knee, moaning softly at the added sensation of yujin toying with her nipples underneath her shirt.

wonyoung allows yujin to slip her tongue inside her mouth—an act that was always messy but did wonyoung ever care? of course not, not even when there was drool running down the side of her mouth. the messier the better, and wonyoung hoped that it gets worse from here because they both deserve this.

it wasn’t long before wonyoung was practically humping on her girlfriend’s thigh. her needy moans only intensified the longer yujin took to just rip her clothes off and make her see the stars. the older girl was adamant on keeping their clothes on, only merely pulling up wonyoung’s top to expose her pretty tits but never actually taking it off. and at this point, wonyoung had successfully popped open four of the buttons on yujin’s flannel shirt and was only slightly disappointed to see that yujin had been wearing a tank top and a bra underneath. but that still didn’t stop wonyoung from trying to feel yujin’s skin on her own.

“someone really missed me, huh?” yujin chuckles, watching as wonyoung struggled to open the rest of the buttons on her shirt. wonyoung ignores her teasing, however, and tugs impatiently on yujin’s shirt. and if yujin wasn’t completely smitten and head-over-heels for her girlfriend, she wouldn’t be yujin at all! so, yujin slips out of her shirt, as well as her tank top like wonyoung whined to her about, and smirks at how the younger girl seemed to be at a loss for words. still though, wonyoung finds enough control in herself to carefully and gently run her hands all over yujin’s chiseled features. everybody knows yujin works hard to shape her body to perfection, but wonyoung still finds herself in sheer awe every time she sees the results.

yujin working out was always a sight that wonyoung constantly looked back to and secretly admired. and even though they’re dating, wonyoung is still a bit too bashful to admit that even just the slightest glimpse of yujin’s muscles can make her crumble as her members always teased her about it to the point it would reach yujin’s ears, and then yujin would tease her and it would just be a lovely mess wonyoung would rather avoid. but at least right now they were in their own world, wonyoung has nothing to be ashamed about here. delicately, wonyoung pushed yujin back until the latter was standing up properly and wonyoung herself was sitting up on the bed.

wonyoung, looking up at her girlfriend whose eyes were riddled with curiosity, places her hands on yujin’s hips and pulls her closer and closer until her lips were touching yujin’s abdomen. for the next few minutes, ahn yujin finds herself feeling… shy as she watches her girlfriend leave soft, loving kisses all over the exposed skin on her stomach. why, wonyoung had to appreciate all the effort yujin puts into working out! what better way than this? kissing her firm abs, feeling and making random shapes on the other well-defined muscles on her back… hearing yujin’s soft laughs was a bonus, too.

“hey… i’m supposed to take care of you.” yujin runs her fingers through wonyoung’s hair, taking note of how smooth and soft it was and noticing that the chair in front of the vanity mirror was in slight disarray. now she knows wonyoung had been patiently—well, impatiently—waiting for her to finally join her in the night while looking all pretty for her.

“we can take turns.” wonyoung whispers softly. her kisses continued on rising and soon enough, her lips were on yujin’s chest. it was hard for the older girl to not melt on the spot when wonyoung looks up at her with pleading eyes—sure, there has never been a moment where yujin was able to resist those eyes, but something about this night was making her just a tad bit more vulnerable to them than usual. or perhaps it was just her immense love for wonyoung that made her so freaking soft. reaching behind, yujin unclasps her bra and allows it to fall to the ground, smirking slightly at the way wonyoung blushes at the sight of her bare breasts.

wonyoung leaned back, propping her hands up behind her to get a good look at her girlfriend who was now completely topless. “you’re so pretty, unnie…” she said, and even in the softness of her voice, yujin could hear her desire and it only adds up to the excitement of it all. wonyoung watches with anticipation as yujin takes off her shorts, failing to fight back the urge to bite her lip because good god did her girlfriend look amazing wearing only a pair of dark blue-colored panties, and how could she even pretend to not notice that wet spot on the fabric? wonyoung was delighted to know that she has such an effect, it makes her heart swell with pride… and she could tease yujin about it, see that deep blush on the older girl’s face that always looked so cute on her, but the only thing wonyoung wanted to do right now was feel her.

but wonyoung has been disciplined well enough to know she can’t do that until she has yujin’s permission, and so she watches as the older girl lays down on the bed. it wasn’t until yujin beckoned wonyoung over that the latter finally moved, crawling over on top of yujin quite eagerly.

“you want to take care of me, hm?” yujin tucks a strand of hair behind wonyoung’s ear.

jang wonyoung—the idol that everyone knows to be perfect, reserved, and elegant beyond comprehension. who would have thought that she would have such an astonishingly different side to her behind closed doors? in the outside world, wonyoung would not be caught having an expression that did not scream her genuine compassion and kindness but here she was on top of her group leader, her best friend, the love of her life, looking like she wanted to eat her whole. yujin wasn’t shy to admit that the way wonyoung carried herself right now only made that pool in between her legs get worse, but at least she had the fastest way to relieve herself of that ache right in front of her.

“go on then.”

ahn yujin—ive’s strong-willed leader that can do anything and everything except one: give up control. even right now, when her girlfriend is right on top of her, giving her neck spine-chilling open-mouthed kisses and sucking on her skin enough to leave a trail of quickly-blooming marks from her jawline down to her collarbone, she refuses to relax and actually allow wonyoung to take care of her. she keeps her hand buried on wonyoung’s beautiful locks, tugging slightly every time she feels something that makes her thighs twitch and her core beg for much-needed attention. but that was all okay to wonyoung; there was nothing more she loved than being bossed around and told what to do by her leader.

finally, after what seemed like forever, yujin feels wonyoung’s tongue on her hard nipple before she feels her warm mouth wrap around it, eliciting a beautiful moan that stirs something inside wonyoung. the latter reaches down and slides her hand inside yujin’s panties, palming her wet cunt and pressing her thumb against her clit.

again, yujin moans loudly and struggles to keep her composure. but still, she finds her ways. “g-good girl… oh, fuck… you always know know how to make me… f-feel good, hm?” she knew that the smallest of praises was enough to dumb wonyoung down into her personal pleasure toy that she can play with to do whatever she wants her to do—and her praises were not short of effect, as usual. wonyoung’s whines are muffled with her mouth around yujin’s nipple, her tongue too busy swirling and playing with the hardened bud to push out some words. she feels her own pussy creating a mess in her underwear, but yujin’s voice silences her needs.

“hmmn.. ngh… ahh—” every gasp, every hiss, and every little sound yujin made as wonyoung pinched, pressed on, and toyed with her clit reverberates through the younger girl’s fogged up brain and feeds her all the energy she needs to make her lover feel even better. “god… just fill me up, princess…” and that pet name was the icing on the cake.

impatiently, wonyoung rips off yujin’s panties with haste and throws it off to the side. her mouth finally leaves yujin’s nipple, which allows yujin to easily pull her back up and kiss her, hungrily and possessively. completely different from the sweet kisses they usually shared in secret rooms, behind the privacy of some curtains, in the dark corners of a set, and amidst unsuspecting eyes. and thank god for the kiss, because the room next to them surely would have heard the sound yujin made upon getting stuffed full with two fingers if her mouth hadn’t been busy being on wonyoung’s.

a loud whine from wonyoung manages to escape their locked lips when yujin pulls on her hair harshly, controlling the kiss as she pleases while simultaneously bucking her hips up to meet wonyoung’s thrusts. god knows how much she needed this. months long of touring, rehearsing, endless vocal warmups, and being on-the-go for hours on end… ahn yujin deserved the utmost care right now, and luckily for her wonyoung was more than willing to give her just that.

wonyoung’s pace increases, making yujin throw her head back in pleasure as her hips struggle to keep up. her moans were now loud and free with only wonyoung’s lips silencing her every now and again but even then, the latter was too busy leaving more marks on her leader’s neck. mine, she wants everyone to know even when they shouldn’t. wonyoung bites on yujin’s collarbone, and the older girl’s free hand clutches her shoulder, nearly piercing her skin. mine, she wants everyone who thinks they can win over yujin’s heart to know that she belongs with someone else already. her.

but now that yujin thought about it… wonyoung herself worked hard all tour long too, and what kind of girlfriend would yujin be if she didn’t make her feel good in return?

yujin tugs on the waistband of wonyoung’s shorts, “i wanna.. hah… feel you too, baby… take this off.” of course, wonyoung obeys her almost immediately. it was something about her that yujin always loved: whether she’s talking to her as her group leader or as her girlfriend, wonyoung will always listen to her and do what needs to be done at the drop of a hat. and before yujin could even think to open her eyes and take her mind off of the sensation of wonyoung’s fingers inside her, the younger girl has already taken off her shorts as well as her underwear.

wonyoung stares at yujin for a good minute—taking in every single one of her facial features as if she doesn’t already do just that every night they’re together. she then decided that her lips were feeling a bit too cold, so she paused her actions and leaned down to kiss yujin. the latter didn’t seem to mind prolonging her climax. even going as far as to allow wonyoung to pull her fingers out of the older girl’s cunt just so she can hold her face as they kissed. yujin could feel her cheek getting wet with her own slick but she didn’t exactly care when her heart felt like it was going to explode with the sheer amount of affection she was feeling for her lover.

and for a while, they got lost in each other’s lips and even forgot that they were in the middle of something. yujin holds wonyoung softly, both hands firmly but gently holding the latter’s waist as she takes control of the kiss. with their lips still locked, yujin flips their position and now that she was on top, she can truly show wonyoung how much she missed her. especially during these last few hours that she had to endure listening to her managers talk on and on about the precautions the girls should take before walking around the city and whatnot.

all yujin wanted to do at that time was to melt in her girlfriend’s arms and hold each other until the next afternoon. but unfortunately, a few minutes became a few hours. frankly, yujin felt bad that wonyoung had to stay up so late waiting for her. she should have been sleeping considering that it was quite the long and tiring show that they had that day, but she really waited for her. it was impossible for yujin to express her appreciation with just words… and actions, really, but she’ll for sure try her damn best.

“you can relax now, princess… it’s my turn to take care of you.” yujin says, giving the younger girl a last peck on the lips before leaning back. while she got herself situated, yujin smiles briefly at wonyoung, who blushed as she just sat there watching her girlfriend. it was stupid how she still sometimes felt like she was crushing on this ‘cool, funny unnie’ because for the longest time, that was really the farthest wonyoung got with her feelings.

some people like to tell her that it was actually quite cute how wonyoung still behaves like a high school girl who was in love for the first time and to that she thinks: sure, it could be cute… if it wasn’t so embarrassing at the same time! because come on, she was swooning over her girlfriend looking so handsome on top of her!

upon the realization that she looked quite stupid being flustered over literally nothing, wonyoung covers up her warm face with her hands, opting to only look at the older girl from behind the gaps between her fingers. yujin, unfazed, grins at her cute girlfriend, taking a mental note to tease her all about it tomorrow. it’s what she always does the morning after having sex! wonyoung has gotten used to it by now, but that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t get embarrassed whenever yujin starts to lay out whatever details she remembers from the night before.

“let me see you, wonyoung-ah,” yujin takes her girlfriend’s hands and holds onto them tightly. she laughs seeing wonyoung’s tomato-colored cheeks and ears. “you’re so red! are you okay?” adorable. wonyoung was never not going to be the cutest thing in yujin’s eyes, that’s for sure.

suddenly, those three simple words that she has gotten used to saying all these years have become so difficult to push out of her mouth. not because wonyoung didn’t want to say them, but because even she herself could make fun of just how much she means them. “i love you, yujin-unnie…” wonyoung managed to blurt out. her eyes were everywhere except on yujin’s own, afraid of getting teased to hell by the older girl and wonyoung always knew exactly when the teasing would come. yujin would usually slowly start giggling before she was full-on throwing her head back from laughter, and then she would pinch wonyoung’s cheeks and fawn over how adorable she was.

wonyoung was waiting for it. she was waiting for yujin’s soft laughs, waiting until her face was being peppered with kisses once again, and until the leader completely disregarded the situation the two of them were in and just flatter her until dawn… but strangely enough, none of it ever came. so, wonyoung finally looked yujin in the eyes and found her girlfriend blushing just as wildly as she had been.

well, that was certainly a brand new sight.

“i love you too… so much.” yujin replied rather breathlessly. it might be cheesy as fuck, but she feels her heart growing twice its size the longer she stared at wonyoung, who smiled so adoringly at her that she thought she would melt. it was at this moment that yujin decided she was willing to endure all the exhaustion that came with being on tour for almost an entire year four times over if at the end of everything, she would come home to wonyoung’s warmth.

she realizes now that that was made the long, long nights of working so worth it to put up with. she was never going to take fleeting moments such as this, where they are able to just be them, for granted ever again.

yujin leans forward, slowly, and holds back a chuckle upon seeing wonyoung close her eyes immediately, knowing full well what was coming. god, yujin could swoon. she technically was! deep inside! but she had to pull herself together—wonyoung had needs too and it was about damn time yujin fulfilled one of her many duties as her loving girlfriend. yujin puts one leg over wonyoung’s and gets real close until she able to catch her lover’s lips with her own, and simultaneously, she rocks her hips forward, giving both herself and wonyoung the absolute pleasure that was the feeling of their clits clashing against one another.

“oh…! gosh—” wonyoung takes a hold of yujin’s arm with one hand and a fistful of the white sheets below with the other hand, clutching both with an iron grip as the older girl continues on. her whines were muffled by yujin’s lips, the very same trick that she had pulled on her earlier when their positions were switched. yujin puts her hand on the back of wonyoung’s thigh, pushing her leg upwards slightly to give herself more room as her thrusts get faster.

wonyoung starts doing her own work as well, using her hips accordingly and still taking such good care of yujin even though it was ‘her turn’ to be coddled. wonyoung just couldn’t help it. every time there was a surge of love coursing through her veins, she just had to pour it all over yujin. and this was only one of her many methods of doing so.

“good… yes…!” yujin cries out. her eyes were shut tight, one hand almost piercing through her lover’s skin and the other practically nearly tearing the sheets off the bed. wonyoung, despite her hazed mind, takes yujin’s free hand in hers and holds it tight. it helps both of them a lot. that, they know.

“god… if only… we had a strap, huh?” yujin says with a big, stupid grin. wonyoung must not reveal to yujin that she had intended to bring one but ended up forgetting due to the million other problems she had to sort out. she would never hear the end of it… and yujin might just end up visiting a sex store in the city the next morning!

the younger girl fought the greatest urge to break into a smile, but ultimately failed. “s-stop joking around… just fuck me… p-please, unnie…!” wonyoung pleaded. and she didn’t have to tell yujin twice. the older girl decided to shut up then, and pins wonyoung’s hand above her hand, thrusting faster than ever with only one objective in mind.

now they were really going to get complaints from the next couple of rooms. poor gaeul, who had actually been staying in the room directly next to theirs, probably won’t be able to even stand next to them tomorrow! neither of them could suppress their sounds—merely a chorus of whines and each other’s names left their mouths until finally, yujin’s hips come to a stutter as she came. wonyoung followed soon after, with a single tear rolling down her cheek as a mere proof of yujin’s very successful efforts.

the exhausted older girl collapses on wonyoung’s chest, gathering the very little strength left in her body to stay awake. wonyoung held her girlfriend tenderly, fixing the mess that was her hair while simultaneously getting themselves into a more comfortable position on the bed. yujin laid somewhat on top of wonyoung still, but a lot of her weight rested on the soft mattress of the bed as well.

not a lot of words were shared between the two of them as they laid there catching their breath. in fact, wonyoung thought that yujin had fallen asleep until she felt the hem of her shirt being tugged. the leader raises her head and stares at the oddly familiar graphic tee wonyoung was wearing, and then she smirks.

“my love… is this the shirt that has gone missing from my luggage for the past two weeks?” yujin asked, stifling a giggle.

“i-i didn’t think it was a big deal—i mean, you have so many shirts! a-and… i really like this one,” wonyoung, cheeks as red as a blood moon, takes the collar of ‘her’ shirt and sniffs. “it smells a lot like you too. i just… miss you a lot these days.”

yujin takes wonyoung’s hand and plants a kiss on her knuckles, “i don’t mind, baby. and i miss you too.” and every time those exact words are said, wonyoung will never not feel giddy.

the younger girl manages to compose her heart and says, “we’re lucky we get to be normal people for a while then! i have a lot planned for us, and the girls too.” wonyoung exclaims rather excitedly. while yujin had been busy being held up by the managers a few hours before, wonyoung spent all of that time making a list of all the worthwhile things they could do in this foreign city once the sun comes up. she had been wanting a chance to feel like a group of friends with her members as well, and now that she was able to be lovers with yujin for a night, who’s to say she won’t have just as much of a fun time being normal with her members too?

yujin lays there, utterly speechless at how she was actively still falling in love with wonyoung’s smile after all these years. still, she gets a hold of herself and kisses the younger girl’s hand again, “really? tell me all about it! but um… do make room for another night like this, hm?” she joked.

wonyoung pinches the bridge of yujin’s nose, laughing when the latter whines about it. she quickly kisses her forehead as compensation, “don’t worry, unnie. we have lots and lots of time just for the two of us.”

“good,” yujin hums. she places her head on her girlfriend’s chest, listening to her heart. it was the most comforting sound in the world, even more so when she knows that it beats solely for her. “you and me—my favorite pastime.”

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nyxtickled · 2 months ago

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did u pocket all the money ppl gave u for nest then dip ??

yes, that is one way to look at it. (tw: pet loss, grief)

in march i held my pup in my arms and kissed her head over and over as she struggled to breathe until the doctor ended her suffering for us after only 3 months of fighting her sudden diagnosis of lymphoma. she would have turned 4 less than a month later.

that dog was my ESA, my baby, my world. i did everything with her and raised her from 8 weeks old. i knew her from the day she was born. losing her so suddenly and after fighting so hard with weekly appointments and a slew of medications just.. broke something in my brain. i am still not the same. i don’t know when i will feel like myself again. i am just going through the motions and letting the grief do what it wants with me.

and then there was NEST. it has been on my mind a lot actually. yes, i accepted donations to help me fund my ticket and flight. however, most of the fundraising i did was in the form of custom content. i bought my ticket. i even bought my wife’s ticket. and then we lost Fawkes. since then, everything has been dark.

anyway, i don’t say any of this to create excuses. i am glad you mentioned it, because even in the days leading up to the event i grappled with the prospect of going and talked to my wife about it over and over. i would sit there and get ready to write something on discord, or open the tumblr app, and then just freeze. i couldn’t even click on the notification bubbles and eventually just turned all of my notifications off for all of my apps. i couldn’t even log in.

if you have ever been to a gathering, you likely know how incredibly intoxicating the energy is. it’s like going on a bender, but the drug is kink. it’s a complete and total flood of dopamine from start to finish. it’s beautiful, it’s life-changing, it’s empowering, it’s freeing. and it also has the potential to hit like a bomb when you get back home.

i knew that even if i tried my hardest to go and enjoy myself, i was running the risk of catapulting myself into even more of a black hole than i was already in when i returned. my engineering classes started up again in april, and it has been consistently taking all of my resolve just to keep up with homework and studying. not to mention i was still crying about once a day at this point, sometimes more. so, there was also a pretty hefty chance that i would get there and wind up hiding in a room the entire time after realizing i couldn’t tap into the level of joy and sensuality that would have surrounded me.

as a result i made the decision to stay home. and i wanted to share that choice with everyone, i know i should have. but again, i froze and said nothing. lately it has felt as though all the words ive ever known have just left my body entirely. and, again, not an excuse - just an honest explanation.

that being said, i have still thought of the people who helped me with funds outside of purchasing content from me many times. to those reading this: if you donated anything to me with the intent of helping me get to NEST, please contact me directly and i will return it to you. i would never intentionally take advantage of anyone’s generosity. i never reached out to ask for a refund for my tickets or anything, so i lost out too. i just, disappeared. emotionally, mentally, pretty much in every way except physically, i disappeared with Fawkes on that night. every penny i raised has just been used to pay for bills, supplies for our 3 kitties (and 2 tiny kittens we’ve been fostering since our friend saved them from the side of the freeway, long story, cat distribution system is real as fuck) and whatever else we have needed to get by.

to all of my friends who haven’t heard from me, i’m truly so sorry. it won’t be forever, so please don’t worry. exene has been absolutely incredible at caring for me and holding me through it all every day. trust me when i say i look forward the moment i wake up from this as much as you do. i love you with all of my damn heart and i think of you all the time. i’m just.. stuck.

anyways, would it really be a nyx update if it wasn’t 3x longer than it needed to be? 💀 moral of the story: if you donated freely rather than buying content, please let me know if you want your donation back. i will not hesitate to return it to you as soon as i can. i have not done anything with the funds other than live off of them, and barely living at that, lol.

all of my love to u. <3

#nyx.answers

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internal-ethics · 8 months ago

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Ok im bored and ran out of good content so fuck it lets do this. Decided not to publicize it for so long bc its difficult.

This is my boldest and most prized contribution to this cursed fandom, as well as my dearest tribute to Tobirama, the best political character ive ever read in fiction, and his anija.

warning - this might not be for people with too heavy leaning on anti-konoha, anti-Hashirama sentiments or ships that's not hashimito or tobirama/konoha, or take the timings and numbers of the databook too seriously.

Hashirama is vaguely hinted to canonically have retired as Shodai years earlier, then married Mito, then lived till 10-20 years after VOTE and died in or before the 2nd War.

Tobirama died first in the 1st War. The scene where he sacrificed himself for his squad happened before the VoTE fight, not after. It's his death that signaled the End.

Hashirama losing his power/ability to lead due to possible depression and keeping a low profile (no one could know how and when the Shinobi God died because village situations, and there were sensors and trackers who could find him) is the reason why he didnt know the motive of the Police Force that Tobirama created, and also struggled with Kurama to the point he needed Mito to LEND him power, when earlier he could beat both Kurama and Madara.

Zetsu made up bullshit about Tobirama burying and letting Madara escape with a clone, based that assumption on Tobirama's reputation of creating weird jutsus involving sacrifices, most likely framing him for his surbodinates' doings, because Tobirama totally never knew Tsunade, possibly never even met Mito and dealt with a jinchuuriki, while Hashirama did both, comparing teenage Sakuras power to Tsunade's.

Zetsu also would not have been near there to know what the senju brothers did because they were both sensors that could detect him. Hashirama was the one who buried Madara.

As Onoki said this summit was to end minor conflicts, it happened right after Konoha was founded, not right before the WW. the 2nd kages looked much younger than in the VOTE/WW era. Hashirama likely had other means, more temporary and less effective, to restrain Kurama at this point (his mokuton and necklace) The databook also never said Hashirama died in which war.

Tsunade and Tobirama had no recollection of each other outside Tsunade only calling him distantly 'nidaime' since part 1 and only 'heard' about the ones who killed him.

meanwhile Hashirama was too familiar with tsunade as she with him, and familiar with the village and people, so that he could recall his memories with it despite just having seen it before he died like weve been told.

He talked like he's been through 2 wars with them.

Our second known grandkid of Hashirama was Nawaki, who was 11 years younger than Tsunade. Unless his first son has multiple children in short years which is pure fanfiction, how would he know Tsunade was his 'first' grandkid and how she would turn out 'in the end' if he died when she was this small.

Also the fact that Hashirama didnt wear Konoha headband in the VOTE fight.

But did wear it when he married Mito. Tsunade was not Mito's grand daughter.

As for how he died, its in battle, probably to a nobody mob while protecting his clan or Mitos clan (both conveniently destroyed or disappeared after hes dead). And by the time they killed him and he let them do that, i doubt they even realized or remembered they killed the First Hokage and God of Shinobi. I mean youd think whoever killed him should have been insanely famous, regardless of his power level at the time.

Tobirama said "my role as Second Hokage was to stand between and meditate between brother and Madara while protecting the village" this raised eyebrows because there would have been no one to stand between if he only became Second after Hashirama died and Madara left (forever). Meaning Hashirama was alive when Tobirama became Second, and it had been like that for a long time.

This is what a japanese fan thought of Tobirama's death

Between the two brothers, it makes more sense for the 'normal' one who invented jutsu that defied the law of nature, including

ninja nuclear bombs,

Summoning the dead and giving them infinite chakra

clones only reserved for monster chakra reserves like Naruto with Kurama in him

and a teleportation jutsu that required 5 people in place of an absolute genius like Minato to do- moderately,

rather than a powerful monster with the same annount of chakra as a bijuu AND sage mode that heals himself, to die earlier out of illness.

This is also why Hashirama would ban Tobiramas jutsu and compiled them into HIS scroll seen in the very first chapter - they likely literally shorten ones life. Hashirama wouldnt want random people to drop dead using them...like his brother.

Some more readings on which Japanese samurai characters that have been Kishimoto's references for the founders.

Oda Nobunaga - Hashirama's first concept when he was a scary rugged scarred and big nosed guy, the one who stopped the genenations long wars, unified japan and died right after realizing the dream, but he died partly because of his brutality and crimes in life - he ACTUALLY killed his brother by blood among others of his family who betrayed him. His successor has nickname 'Saru'.

Ashikaga Takauji - Hashirama's later concept, first shogun of his era but softer big brother guy.

Ashikaga Tadayoshi - Takauji's younger brother who stepped up where he couldnt, disagreed with Takauji on politics and died 5 years before his brother did, in defeat but also there are sources that say he suffered some kind of illness before that.

Ko no Moronao - Takauji's close friend who Tadayoshi hated and was later exiled.

More references in Japanese creation mythos involving Izanagi and Izanami, where Izanagi killed his Fire god son Kagutsuchi after Izanamis death, hence his words "my very own child".

#naruto #naruto shippuuden #meta #meta galore #senju hashirama #senju tobirama #naruto timeline #senju tsunade #japanese history #kishi is a smooth liar

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harrysgal · 5 months ago

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I DIG YOUR CINEMA (8)

harry styles x yn aspiring filmmaker — social media AU

Hello! I am very sorry for the way I vanished from tumblr, real life knocked me down for a few months and it wasn’t easy to get back on my feet. But I’m doing well now and really excited to keep telling this story. Thank you to those who sent messages checking in, and I’m sorry I didn’t get to answer those (I like to read them from time to time, tbh lol). Also, because it’s been so long I’m not doing any official taglist for part 8. If you want to be added for part 9, let me know. Thank you, A.

About the smau: yn starts posting videos on youtube and is trying to build a career as a filmmaker. Things are going pretty well for her and she starts getting more attention when she creates content about shows she goes to. She’s also a fan of Harry’s music and some of his fans start getting suspicious when his team starts interacting with her.

About yn: although the character does not have a faceclaim, pictures suggest reader is white.

Disclaimer: The story it’s set in 2021 and it will follow their relationship through the LOT leg in the US. Since this is nothing but fiction, I will be following some of the real timeline but also adding my own stuff. On top of that, I won’t be basing myself on Harry’s actual posts.

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PART 7 // MASTERLIST

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I DIG YOUR CINEMA (PART 8) — CHICAGO

liked by bestfriend, annetwist, _basselin and 85,107 others

yourinstagram CHICAGO!!! hiii!! good morning!! im back and ive missed youuu <33 honestly, cant wait to go outside and see you again. unfortunately tho im too tired to leave my room rn and also im mad at myself for waking up too late for breakfast…. so i decided to embrace the day off and be fully irresponsible. ice cream in bed at 10:30 in the morning it is. sightseeing some other day and time it is as well. hope you understand. sincerely, yn.

view all 7,015 comments

user11 lol i mean it’s haagen dazs so i guess it’s okay harryfan17 wait, you’re here? ALREADY?? 😳

↳ harryfan21 im so glad im not the only one surprised by this lol ↳ harryfan85 omg do you think harry is in town too?? 😍 ↳ harryfan76 ＠harryfan85 they dont travel together so no

bestfriend hahahaaaa bestfriend ice cream for breakfast is such a trigger!! THE MEMORIES! ughhh!! ily so much bestfriend i miss you btw bestfriend i need harry styles to give you back to me harryfan64 …. srsly? aren’t you a little bit too old to be doing this? harryfan7 What’s your favorite flavor? 😍 harryfan44 ??? Who cares about this? Just say you’re desperate for attention harryfan15 show barely ended and she’s already in chicago lmao ＠harrystyles what are you running from

↳ harryfan17 the bullets 💀 ↳ harryfan15 ＠harryfan17 HAHAHAHHAA ↳ harryfan39 😂😂 new fav comment thread ↳ harryfan76 they dont travel together so he is not with her !

user1 ahhh, chicago is such a pretty city to visit! but you should definitely take some time to rest first ❤ ️ you deserve it, girl! harryfan96 LEAVE HARRY ALONE !!

Sep 23, 2021. •

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liked by harryfan5, harryfan10, harryfan15 and 314 others

harryupdates Harry out in Chicago today! (Sep 23)

view all 37 comments

harryfan37 stop I JUST saw him in st paul 😭 is it possible to miss him already?? harryfan21 gotta slow down on the coffee dude lmao harryfan41 was ＠yourinstagram with him????

↳ harryfan44 who cares

harryfan15 two coffees, huh?

↳ harryfan24 why do you always have to make it about something that is not? 🙄 ↳ harryfan15 ??? im just saying there are two coffees in this picture, thats all

harryfan64 always so convenient harryfan13 if i speak…….. harryfan28 the blue jacket! 😍 if you’re lonely in chicago you can call him 🤭 harryfan49 ＠yourinstagram I bet one of these is for you ! hope you enjoy it ! harryfan84 OMFG WHY ARE YOU ALL SO FUCKING WEIRD IT’S JUST COFFEE CAN YOU PLS STOP BRINGING UP THE STUNT ALL THE DAMN TIME

Sep 23, 2021. •

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liked by gemmastyles, annetwist, yourbrother and 97,231 others

yourinstagram from live to love, this girl is out here living her bestest biggest dreams. couldn’t have done it without you guys. thank you. really.

(ps: pls dont tell my boss ive been obsessed with his music since the v beginning. id like to keep his ego grounded. thank you.)

view all 9,175 comments harryfan5 stop!!! harryfan5 this is sooo cute user1 this makes me sooo happy for you! 🥰 yourbrother 👏 user5 congratulations, yn! You deserve every moment! harryfan14 honest question, does anyone actually think this is cute and funny?

↳ harryfan32 no. they’re just easy to manipulate ↳ harryfan14 thought so. her captions are always so immature and weird

bestfriend i was there it was rare i remember it all too well :’)

↳ harryfan27 were you at the live on tour with yn??? ↳ harryfan35 omg you should be there tonight too!! ↳ harryfan45 for real tho when is ＠yourinstagram taking you to a show?? ↳ harryfan72 never bc Harry banned all of her friends and family from tour

harryfan11 OMG!! this is so nice! harryfan1 i love this for you!! <3 it’s like you’re representing all of us

↳ harryfan22 speak for yourself please

harryfan29 im THRIVING on this plot. it’s like the ultimate fanfic dream lollll harryfan44 you’re a joke harryfan44 to say you want to keep Harry’s ego “grounded” is not funny is disrespectful harryfan44 can’t wait for him to be done with you harryfan44 can’t wait for you to get fired ynupdates ❤️ ynupdates Congratulations!! You deserve it so much!

Sep 24, 2021. •

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lot2021updates

“ARE YOU FEELING GOOD CHICAGO? [...] Y’know, it’s a very important thing coming to Chicago, it’s a beautiful city and I’ve missed it very much. Also, wonderful things always happen here. I don’t know why… It’s like there’s something in the air… Or maybe because spray paint was invented here in Chicago, did you know that? No? Well, I know that! ... And I also know there are 144 dog-friendly restaurants in Chicago! Which is very, very important information… Yeah, my friends… A lot of valuable information is shared backstage!” — Harry talking to the crowd tonight.

LOT Chicago n1, 24 September 2021

lot2021updates

“Chicago, are you having a good time so far? [...] We still have a couple more songs left, but I really want to take a moment to… To thank each and every single one of you for being here tonight. This is only our eleventh show, but when I promise you this tour has already become one of the best experiences of my life, it’s because this tour has already become one of the best experiences of my life. And I know I wouldn’t be able to live this dream if it weren’t for you. You guys have absolutely changed my life. So thank you… Whether this is your first show, or your hundredth… Whether you just know that one annoying song that keeps playing over and over, or if you’ve been obsessed with my music since the very beginning… Thank you! You’ve changed my life, so thank you, thank you, thank you! I missed this and I missed you and I’m so happy to be back. This is Canyon Moon!” — Harry thanking the crowd tonight.

LOT Chicago n1, 24 September 2021

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liked by user3, loveynrry and 31 others

ynupdates Harry Styles first show in Chicago ended around half an hour ago, and Yn already posted all these stories on instagram! It’s the first time she shares these many glimpses from a show, and so quickly 🤗

view all 55 comments user9 ahhh!! so many great shots! harryfan5 omg she’s really feeding us 😭 user15 either yn hasn’t been online at all today and she’s posting unaware of what’s been said, or she’s seen everything and it’s posting BECAUSE of what’s been said lol harryfan11 STOPPPP that’s me holding the tbsl sign lol

↳ user6 Really? That’s so cool! Did you see her taking the picture? ↳ harryfan11 yesssss! I think she was filming tho, bc after that she recorded me and my friend begging harry to sing tbsl in la (it’s our next show lol) and also recorded some people from the crowd dancing and singing to a few songs ↳ harryfan19 WHAT? girl you’re so lucky!! asdjbajb what if harry sees the video??? omg i’d die! ↳ ynupdates Heyyy, that’s so cool! Did you talk to her, then? Can we dm you? ↳ harryfan ＠ynupdates yesssss, of course you can! we talked to her really briefly bc she was working, but she’s the sweetest and i’m absolutely in love now lol

Sep 24, 2021. •

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liked by harryfan18, harryfan22 and 875 others

harryupdates Harry just posted a story on instagram!

Earlier tonight, Yn (youtuber/member of the LOT crew) had shared a picture from tonight’s show of fans holding signs that said “Justice for TBSL”. She tagged Harry with the caption “hope you get the message xoxo”.

Now Harry has reposted the story and added “loud and clear x” to her caption. We hope it means good news for the fan project 🤞

view all 251 comments harryfan11 😭😭😭😭😭 harryfan11 SHUT UP THATS ME harryfan11 HARRY POSTED THE BACK OF MY HEAD MY LIFE IS MADE 😭 I CANT harryfan15 👀 harryfan23 istg if he sings tbsl and i’m not there…………… harryfan20 i cant do this anymore she’s fucking everywhere harryfan17 thank you ＠yourinstagram this fandom don’t deserve you x harryfan30 management must be really desperate they’ve never worked this hard in one day

↳ harryfan40 right? i wonder why… like what are they afraid of or what are they preparing us for… ↳ harryfan30 they are preparing me for nothing lmao i see right through their tactics and lies they wont fool me with this ↳ harryfan40 oh of course. we’ve been through these stunts for years now. i just mean there’s probably a reason why this is all happening and i cant wait to find out!

harryfan60 he just finished a show let the man get some rest fgs harryfan50 🥱 harryfan37 jeez. tour has barely started guys… if you keep hating everything and everyone this much you’re not gonna make it till the end yknow. just saying.

Sep 24, 2021. •

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liked by user1, harryfan5 and 45 others

ynupdates Yn has just shared these two stories from the venue/backstage at the LOT.

Harry Styles’ second show in Chicago starts anytime now. ☺️

view all 7 comments

user10 ahh, there she is!! it’s been 20 hours since the last ones she posted i was starting to worry lol harryfan5 the fact that yesterday we could reply to her stories and today we can’t anymore makes me wonder what kind of dms she got :(

↳ harryfan19 shit i hadn’t noticed that ↳ ynrryfan :((( the fandom really went insane yesterday tho. istg they’ve been in chicago for what, three days? well i feel like it’s been three months lol ↳ harryfan31 omg i really hope she doesn’t stop posting for good. i know it’s selfish but she’s been feeding us so well with harry content 😭

harryfan64 far away from him. as she should be.

Sep 25, 2021. •

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— — — — —

PART 9 — BEFORE NASHVILLE

— — — — —

#harry styles fake ig #harry styles fake instagram #harry styles fake social media #harry styles smau #harry styles social media au #harry styles fic #harry styles writing #harry styles fanfic

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majorproblems77 · 2 months ago

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Hello all!

I'm Major. I'm a writer for the LU fandom, and the creator of the LOZ Exodus Links meet AU and have been on tumblr since early 2023.

I've been seeing a lot going around about how the space feels a little quieter. Now then, it once did back in 2020 - 2022, and I feel like it should be addressed. Because yes, while we all did have more time in 2020 due to reasons... Fandom has been on the decline for a while now.

The thing with fandom is that we are the creators of our space. Without people to create, without people to push those creations when they are made, we dont have fandom. And the most important person in fandom is you! Now I know about the discord's and communities have made it harder on the non-community spaces to gain traction because people reblog into communities and the creators dont see that!

"But major? I'm just me, what can I do?"

That's exactly it, you are you! You can do whatever the hell you want in this space that we call fandom. (As long as its not being rude. I'll fight you on that one.)

Write that story, draw that picture, stick three pencils together and laugh at it while thinking of silly little stories and headcannons for your blorbos. Do whatever the hell you want to create.

"But, major, my art is bad, or I can't write, or I can't draw." Or more recently, "AI is taking art, why should I bother?" Ive seen it, I've felt it. I get it.

First off, stop putting yourself down. You deserve to treat your art like its something special because you created it!

A living, breathing person. Like you. Created it. From nothing but a blank page. And that is amazing.

I know it's scary. But the beauty of creation is that we have to start somewhere. And we grow and build these creations together. The only way to improve at a skill is to keep working on it. Artists of all forms take years to hone their craft. I've been writing in fandom spaces for over 8 years. I still feel like I've got so much to learn.

And if you dont want to create, that's fine, give those who do spend time out of their days and weeks to make something for you to enjoy some love.

Second, Creators already in the space are People like you and me.

Living, breathing people. They are not content farms. This isn't infinitely scrolling short-form content.

Authors and artists are usually 1 person teams working from a desk in their rooms, or on their phones on the bus - There are so many places people create from. I've created stories on my lunch breaks at work.

We are not machines, we are people with lives. And People need to be acknowledged. And as much as creators say that they dont do it for the comments or the kudos or likes. As people in these spaces, it's awesome to have these conversations with people who saw what they made and had to say something.

And in this day and age, people have forgotten this. People have forgotten that the creators in these spaces are also people who want to enjoy the content too.

"How can I make something?"

I asked myself that years ago when I first joined my main fandom. I wanted to create something in honour of the fandom I love so much.

I found a piece of art that resonated with me so much that I literally wrote the entire accompanying story in like a 4-hour daze. It's not the best. But it's mine. And it conveys the feeling that the artwork gave me. I sat on it for weeks because I was scared out of my mind that the artist wouldn't like it.

What im trying to get at is, You have the ability to take your unique perspective and turn it into something awesome. And, please. dont put yourself down. You have the ability to make something beautiful. Because it is unique to you.

So, I hope you'll consider creating something. Or reblogging something so that if you dont want to, someone who does, finds the inspiration to do so.

Cause if theres one thing ive learned, fandom is a community. And a community is a group of people who feel at home.

Thanks for reading my rambles,

See you on the interwebs

Major <3

PS - Be nice to each other. We are all human.

#ramble corner with major #oh boy this is a long one folks #i was checking something for a friend of mine and saw a post #and ive been on this for a few hours because its important to me #fandom #fandom discourse #writing #creative writing #Linked universe #linkeduniverse #as its the main one im speaking about #Okay ive said my piece #This is for discussion #please consider creating #even if its just a headcannon #everything created is still a creation #You can do it #I believe in you #much love <3

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retellingthehobbit · 6 months ago

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….I’m suddenly realizing that I posted chapter 17 of The Hobbit comic on January 13th of 2024, so it’s been almost exactly one year since I last posted a chapter XD.

Really though, Ive realized my new Webcomic Goal is to be more like my favorite YouTube video essayists — who post one excellent high-effort video a year, and then vanish to work on their next video privately for another year (only giving rough draft updates to their Patreon members.)

I think a lot about Hbomberguy’s video essay on the widespread problem of plagiarism on YouTube, where he talks about how the incentive to Post More Content All The Time leads to creators producing plagiarized poorly-researched insincere videos about topics they don’t know/care about, videos that are horribly constructed and riddled with severe mistakes— and how the rise of AI is only going to make that kind of insidious plagiarism much easier to get away with. I also think about how I’ve seen webcomics I used to like start using AI-generated imagery for backgrounds in order to keep up with their rigid update schedule, assuming their readers won’t care as long as they get New #Content.

But people actually do care about quality and sincerity, is the thing! People like having things that are created with love, that they can slow down and revisit multiple times and appreciate more each time. People like things that aren’t shallow, and that the creator put their heart into making. I know that I value that, and I think most people actually do! Social media algorithms want us to prioritize frequency and regularity, and shove that data-driven content in our faces all day, but people actually do value things that are made with love and care even if they take a long time!

I know that I would rather wait an entire year for each video from Defunctland or Folding Ideas or Lindsay Ellis, than follow a thousand YouTube channels that keep to a rigid update schedule via lazy shallow poorly constructed plagiarized content. XD

Similarly, I’m always surprised every time I update that people are still Around and check on this goofy little fanfic comic project regularly? ;_; It’s still ultimately just a small fan-project, but it’s cool that people are still following it after all these years.

And I hope people can sorta view this comic that way— something that takes a long time to update, but only because anything worth reading takes a long time to create.

Anyway, I need to prepare some stuff so I’ll probably post the next chapter in the next couple weeks— I’ve been considering February 1st?— but in the meantime the full 30-page draft of the next chapter is on my art patreon, and you can see the full archive of the entire comic on my website RetellingTheHobbit.com :3.

Thank you again for continuing to follow me even during the Long Hiatuses! I really do appreciate having a small group of readers still sticking around in this fandom!! <333

#yeee!!!#the hobbit #retelling the hobbit #the hobbit comic #lotr #lord of the rings

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rubycruzin4abruzin · 1 year ago

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Forbidden Crown - IV

Summary: Your dreaded twentieth birthday has finally arrived, and you and your parents set off to Tir Asleen for one final time to plan your wedding to Prince Airk. However, at the celebration dinner, Sorsha delivers some shocking news, sending Kit into a spiral and creating conflict within the castle.

Pairing: kit tanthalos x princess!reader

Contains: angst, fighting, kissing, non-explicit mention of vomiting, forced marriage trope, mommy issues

Word Count: 3.6k

A/N: this was supposed to be the smut chapter, but I decided to divide the two, since it seemed odd to add sexy time to such a dark chapter. Apologies in advance for all the angst, I promise it won’t last forever!

Ever since your mother’s announcement of your engagement, each birthday after your fifteenth seemed to creep up, startling you out of nowhere and filling your stomach with existential dread. The once joyous celebrations now felt like ticking time bombs, every well-wish serving as a countdown to a life you never wanted.

On the morning of your twentieth birthday, you woke up to nothing but nausea. When your handmaiden entered your room to get you ready for the day, she found you kneeled over your chamberpot, heaving up the shallow remains of your stomach's content. Needless to say, your twentieth birthday was spent hidden under your covers, drinking ginger tea and being waited on hand-and-foot.

Alas, it was only a matter of time before you began to feel better. After several days of sickness, your body had nothing more to heave. The moment some color started to return to your pale cheeks, your parents ushered you into the carriage and set off for Tir Asleen, where you would stay for two months while preparing for your wedding to Prince Airk Tanthalos.

As usual, the road to Tir Asleen was long and slow. You tried to numb yourself to your parents' endless chatter, but your mother decided to fuss over your appearance throughout the entire trip, as if you were a child again.

“This is the first time you’ve seen your fiancé in five years,” she would say. “You’ve grown into a lovely young woman since, it is important for Airk to notice!”

Your cheeks instinctually puffed out at the word ‘fiancé,’ but your stomach was so empty from the long illness that nothing could come up even if it wanted to. Instead, you opted for tucking your head in between your knees, closing your eyes and muffling all unwanted noise from the outside world.

Eventually, the gentle clip-clop of the carriage horse faded as you reached the front of the Tir Asleen castle. You uncovered your head and allowed your parents to exit first, using the extra seconds to let your blood flow redistribute itself.

After hearing the sound of your mother squealing pleasantries from outside, you decided to make your presence known. You stepped out of the carriage to see your mother engulfing Airk in a bear hug, showering him with words of flattery while he chuckled nervously and tried to mask his discomfort. Your father, who had been exchanging formalities with Queen Sorsha, was now gently patting his wife’s back, attempting to subtly pry her off the poor boy.

While you stood watching the amusing display from your family, you didn’t even notice Kit approaching you from behind, wrapping her arms around your waist and leaning into your ear.

“Good morrow, beautiful.” She whispered, her warm breath against your neck causing you to shudder involuntarily.

“Beautiful?” You giggled. “Be careful, our parents' eyes could be upon us.”

“Nonsense,” she replied, planting a soft kiss on your jawline. “They’re much too focused on my brother. It’s just one of the benefits of being the black sheep of the family.”

Sure enough, Kit was right. Your father had managed to successfully pry your mother away from Airk, and now both your parents were bombarding him with questions about his life the last five years while Sorsha stood proudly beside him.

With one final squeeze, Kit loosened her grasp until you could turn around to get a good look at her. She had always been pretty, at least in your eyes, but over the years had grown into a stunning young lady. Her hair was no longer a muddy indigo black, but rather restored back to her natural chocolate-brown, and styled akin to the tresses of woodland sprites. She had grown into herself, with her face defined by striking cheekbones and eyes that seemed to get bluer with every visit. The fabric of her tunic clung to her skin, accentuating every new curve as well as the definition on her upper arms, muscular from combat training.

Before you could even begin to speak, Kit placed her hands on either side of your head and ran them through your hair, gazing down at you lovingly. “Truly, beautiful.”

“I do apologize for her appearance, Prince Airk! She doesn’t usually look this dreadful! She’s been terribly ill!”

You turned around to see your mother leading Airk over to you, speaking loudly about your demeanor. Any confidence inspired by Kit vanished at her harsh remarks, and you drew into yourself.

“Good morrow, Princess,” Airk greeted you with an awkward bow and a tight-lipped smile. Ever since you audibly gagged and ran off after taking his first kiss, the two of you hadn’t necessarily spoken.

You cleared your throat, offering back a perfunctory curtsy. “And to you as well.”

“My, my! Someone has grown quite slender!” Sorsha’s voice called out, approaching the four of you with your father in tow.

You looked down at yourself. Sure enough, your ailment had withered you away, making your once perfectly-fitting gown now hang off you like the tendrils of a willow tree. Your mother noticed this too, because she immediately inserted herself between you and Airk to resume nitpicking your appearance.

“Oh, I’m terribly sorry, Airk and Sorsha! My daughter has had an illness. She’s feeling well now, but she still looks absolutely dreadful! I’m sure her gowns will fit right in due time, but…” she turned her attention towards your face. “…darling! Your complexion! You resemble a ghostly wight! Couldn’t you have bothered to apply a touch of rouge?”

“You’ve raised a beautiful daughter, your highness.” Kit stepped to your side and snaked her arm around your waist. Your breath hitched at her touch, and you worried your parents may catch on to your secret with how bold she was being. Still, you tried to hide the blush that crept onto your cheeks after she stood up for you.

Your mother looked between you and Kit, and you could've sworn you saw her eyes flicker with a hint of suspicion. However, she simply grimaced in Kit’s direction, offering pleasantries purely for display. “Yes, well, much obliged, Kit.”

Kit responded with a grin that was polite, yet cocky. Your mother cleared her throat, quickly recomposing herself before taking your hand and joining it with Airk’s.

“I must say, you two, I am absolutely elated for this union! A royal wedding, why I don’t believe I’ve attended one since my own! The two of you make a very attractive pair.”

Airk forced a grin in your direction, looking down at your conjoined hands instead of at you. As your mother continued to ramble on about the party planning, you peered over Airk’s shoulder and noticed a blond girl standing in the distance, carrying a serving tray, and glaring daggers into your soul…

“That would be Muffin Girl,” Kit explained later that day when you asked about the mysterious blond. The two of you had managed to break away from the group long enough to take a leisurely stroll through the Tir Asleen gardens.

“Muffin Girl?” You inquired.

“That or Miss Muffin, whichever you’d prefer.”

You shot her a quizzical expression, causing her to chuckle heartily. “Well it’s not her real name, clearly. She’s one of the kitchen maids, and her signature dish are these buttered muffins she serves at breakfast.”

“She was glaring at me earlier while my mother discussed wedding plans,” you said. “I almost thought she would break her tray in half.”

Kit hummed in agreement. “Jealousy. It makes sense. She is my brother's latest lover.”

“Pardon?” You froze in your tracks, eyes wide and mouth agape.

Kit leaned back against a tree, crossing her arms and gazing at you with a pointed brow. “I hate to inform you, Princess, but my brother has become quite the ladies’ man since your ‘dalliance’ in the courtyard. Muffin Girl is just his latest conquest.”

You couldn’t believe your ears. Sure, you didn’t love Airk, or were even remotely attracted to him, but he was still your betrothed.

Kit smirked at your stunned expression. “Surely you’re not jealous, are you?” She moved closer until her face was mere inches from yours. “I can’t imagine it would drive you mad. My brother, your fiancé, rolling around in the grass with a scullion? Cheeks flushed, legs intertwined, her leaving little bruises on his…”

You cut her off with a playful smack on the shoulder. “Hold your tongue, Tanthalos.” She giggled at her lighthearted taunts, causing a smile to spread across your face. “I’m not jealous, rather shocked. He’s engaged… to me… and Queen Sorsha is allowing this affair?”

With another chuckle, Kit teasingly ruffled your hair. “Oh Princess… you really assume my mother is at all aware?”

You gasped, leaning in closer to Kit to whisper. “She doesn’t know?”

“I’m sure she suspects something, what with the aforementioned bruises, but knowing my mother, she’d rather stay with the mindset that her son is still a moralistic virgin.”

Kit pulled you in closer, pressing your body against hers until your noses barely brushed together. “I suppose this is just one more secret between us, don’t you think Princess?”

You giggled, quickly making sure the coast was clear before wrapping your arms around her neck and pulling her in for a sweet kiss.

That evening, the six of you gathered for a hearty supper to celebrate your reunion. Servants bustled about carrying various dishes, including the mysterious ‘muffin girl.’ You couldn’t help but observe the longing glances exchanged between her and Airk, lingering between each course like a seed caught between teeth.

Just as you and Kit were stifling a laugh over their latest lust-filled gaze, Queen Sorsha rose, tapping silverware against her raised glass. The table quieted, all eyes fixed on the regal woman as you awaited her speech.

“Friends, family,” she began. “I am pleased that we’ve all gathered here this evening to begin wedding plans for the Prince of Tir Asleen and the Princess of Azarenth.”

Your parents clapped excitedly. Airk stared down at his lap while you and Kit exchanged vexed glances.

“Even more pleased,” Sorsha continued. “That the forthcoming ceremony will feature an extra element, making it a profoundly rare occasion!”

Her words puzzled you, and a quick look around the table confirmed that the twins seemed just as confused. Your parents however, shared knowing grins, clearly in on the secret.

“The King and Queen of Azarenth have graciously agreed to turn their daughter’s wedding into a double wedding!” Sorsha turned to meet her daughter’s gaze. “Kit…”

You whipped around to face Kit, who stared at her mother, frozen, her expression a mixture of confusion and fear. “You remember when we discussed the Prince of Galladoorn, don’t you?”

Kit nodded. “Sure we discussed him, but then he fell out of a tree and died, right?”

“Kit!” Sorsha scolded before quickly recomposing herself. “It’s true, Dermot Hastur had an untimely death,” she held her glass to her heart solemnly. “However, it appears Galladoorn is still interested in an alliance, and King Hastur has a younger son, Graydon.”

Your heart dropped as you realized what Sorsha was saying. Glancing back at Kit, you saw her face now stricken with terror. “Mother… no…”

Ignoring her daughter, Sorsha simply raised her glass again. “It’s my pleasure to announce the engagement of Prince Graydon Hastur to my daughter, Princess Kit Tanthalos!”

“No!” Kit exclaimed.

“What?” The shriek came from a disembodied voice. Only after you received shocked expressions from each member of the table did you realize the voice was yours.

Your mother squinted at you, the corners of her mouth flickering sardonically. “My dear, I didn’t expect you to be upset at sharing the limelight! After all, you and Kit are such good… friends.”

You glared at your mother head-on, suppressing every urge to lunge at her from across the table. She said nothing more, instead turning away to innocently sip her wine.

Kit was in the midst of her own altercation, arguing her case with pleading eyes. “Mother, please… I cannot marry Prince Graydon!”

“And just why not?” Sorsha demanded. “Prince Graydon is an esteemed young man, his parents speak very highly of him.”

“I’ve never even met him!” Kit’s voice wavered in stifled sobs.

“You will before the wedding, now that is quite enough! It is your duty to your kingdom. I don’t want to hear another word about this until the alliance is signed, and that is final!”

Kit slammed her hands on the table, tears falling as she ran away. Sorsha screamed after her until the sound of her bedchamber door slamming reverberated across the room. The table fell silent, none of you knowing where to look. After a moment, Airk cleared his throat, breaking the tension as he rearranged the silverware on his plate.

“May I be excused, mother?” He muttered.

Sorsha sighed, dismissing him with a wave of her hand. He got up quietly, exiting the room and making a beeline for Kit’s door. The remaining four of you resumed picking at your food, the sound of silverware scratching against glass dishes only deepening the stillness of the room.

As you pushed your food around, you couldn’t help but steal glances in the direction of Kit’s door. You turned to your mother, wanting to speak.

“Let it be a passing thought,” she denied your unspoken request, not bothering to look up from her plate.

Fortunately, dinner didn't drag on much longer after the commotion subsided. Once everyone had hastily departed from the table, you made your way to Kit’s room and positioned yourself outside her door. Kit’s muffled sobs mingled with Airk’s whispered words from the other side of the wooden barrier, causing you to pause before entering, afraid of disrupting them.

Just when you were about to throw caution to the wind and grasp the handle, the door swung open, revealing Airk. He startled at your unexpected presence and closed Kit’s door behind him.

“Uh… hi…” he muttered lamely.

“Hello there,” you replied softly.

The two of you stood silently in front of Kit’s door, a multitude of unanswered questions hanging in the air that neither of you knew how to ask.

“She’s, uh…” Airk broke the silence, jerking his head towards Kit’s door. “…having a difficult time coming to terms… with everything.”

You nodded slowly. “Were you… able to get through to her? At all?”

“Inconsolable,” he admitted regretfully. “I haven’t seen her this distraught since… our father…”

You winced, recalling the initial heartbreak Kit faced when her father’s letters stopped arriving ten years ago.

“I understand…” he continued. “I also know what it’s like to be forced into a loveless marriage.”

His gaze bore into yours, carefully chosen words that riddled you with guilt. You knew you had no right to hurt feelings after that night in the courtyard, but you couldn’t help the sharp pang that hit your chest like a piercing arrow.

“Airk…” you sighed, overwhelmed with remorse. “Please let me apologize for that night…”

“No need,” he interrupted coolly. “It’s really quite alright…”

“It’s not,” you insisted. “My reaction… I assure you… had nothing to do with your character, or your appearance, or anything, really. It wasn’t about you, it was never about you, it…” you took a deep breath, your secret weighed on your shoulders as if it was carved from stone. “Airk… I’m in love with someone else.”

Airk looked taken aback. “Pardon?”

“My hand belongs to you…” your voice trembled. “…but my heart belongs to another.”

A single tear slipped down your cheek. You shut your eyes tightly, the burden of your secret lifting but replaced with overwhelming fear. Airk stood, silently, his expression cycling through shock, relief, confusion, and finally… sympathy.

“Likewise…” he whispered, causing you to look at him again. “There’s this… local maiden, a quiet beauty who carries herself with the gentle elegance of a dove. She may not have been born into privilege, but she’s captivated me. My heart belongs to her.”

He looked at you, expecting a reaction. You attempted to feign surprise, but ended up failing miserably. He smirked. “Was it that evident?”

You chuckled. “With all of your enticing stares at dinner, it almost felt as if I were intruding on something private!”

He laughed airily along with you, long-standing tension finally broken. You started to relax, feeling a weight lift as you and Airk came to an unspoken forgiveness. He smiled warmly, genuinely at you before his expression turned serious once again.

“I hope you know I would hate for my mother to receive word of this,” he said in a low voice.

You nodded in agreement. “You needn’t worry, my lips are sealed. I understand what it’s like… living with secrets.”

He waited for you to continue, but you simply folded your hands in front of you and smiled, silently refusing to speak further.

Airk departed soon after your conversation ended, leaving you once again face-to-face with Kit’s door. You raised your knuckle to the chestnut wood, giving it two gentle raps.

No response.

With a shaky hand, you turned the handle and opened the door with a slow, steady creak. Kit lay flat on her bed, motionless, staring at the ceiling. She made no indication of noticing your presence, so you stepped inside and carefully closed the door with a click.

No response.

Stars studded the now-blackened night sky through a small window in the corner. The room’s only light source was a flickering candle that cast shadows over Kit’s unmoving body and danced along the wrinkles of her garments. You stood near the entrance, watching the subtle rise and fall of her chest with each breath.

“Which is worse?”

The sudden sound of her voice startled you. “Pardon?”

“I’m wondering…” she sat up, dangling her legs over the edge of her bed. “…which is worse? Spending half a decade counting down the seconds until you’re forced into an unwanted marriage, or having it thrust upon you without warning?”

She met your gaze, expecting an answer. You had none. She continued.

“On the one hand, the first option reads torturously, like sitting on death row waiting for execution,” she contemplated, deep in thought. “But on the other hand, it allows for processing time, providing an opportunity to numb yourself to the situation.”

She looked back over to you, her expression stoic. “What do you think?”

“I think I won’t ever be numb to the situation,” you replied with a half-smile.

Kit gave a halfhearted chuckle, staring down at her feet. You moved to sit next to her on the bed, resting a soothing hand on her back. She sighed. “You don’t know how fortunate you are.”

You furrowed your brow. “How do you mean?”

“You’re betrothed to my brother,” she answered. “Someone you grew up with, someone you trust.”

You frowned. “Kit, Airk and I may have history, but I’m still being forced into a loveless marriage. You and I suffer the same plight.”

Kit’s eyes seemed to glaze over as she began to speak in a small voice. “You truly believe our situations are at all similar?”

You removed your hand from her back and leaned slightly away from her. “Kit…”

“Do you?” Her fingers clenched the bedsheets as she finally met your gaze. “I am marrying a man I’ve never met, so I can help form an alliance with a kingdom I’ve never visited! My entire life is conforming to the whims of my mother, do you have any idea what that’s like?”

“Have you observed my mother?” You shot back, standing up from the bed. “Sometimes I wonder whether or not she cares if I live or die, just as long as I marry Airk to keep up appearances like a performing minstrel!”

“Cry me a river, Princess!” Kit growled, also abandoning the bed. “My sincerest apologies that you have a mother that gave you fifteen years to become accustomed to her chosen spouse, and a father to give you away at the altar!”

You softened your gaze, realizing a large part of the reason for Kit’s distress. “Kit, I didn’t…”

“I’ll have to walk down the aisle with Airk!” She interrupted, angry tears now streaming down her face. “There was enough prattle when news of my father’s disappearance spread, and now all of Galladoorn and Tir Asleen combined is going to witness me being given away by my own brother. So don’t you dare stand there and claim that you and I ‘suffer the same plight!’”

“Kit!” Your voice wavered, a tightness in your chest threatened to unleash a flood of tears. “That was not my intent, and you know it. You're hurting, and you have my deepest sympathies…”

“I don’t need your sympathy…”

“Then don’t take it!” Your voice cut through the air, sharp and defensive. “All I said is that I share your pain in being forced into a marriage with someone you don’t love. I don’t understand why you’re so angry with me.”

Kit bit her lip, sniffling and wiping away tears. Her red, puffy eyes struggled to meet yours as she searched for more words to use as a line of defense.

“Because marriage isn’t about love, Princess,” she finally replied. “And frankly, your lack of realization is troubling.”

Her words brought a lump to your throat, like a boulder lodged within a narrow cave. Without another word, you spun on your heel and walked out of Kit’s room, making sure the wooden barrier slammed shut behind you before giving into the tears that had been threatening to fall.

Tag List: @chloepricesgirl @canmargesimpson @yourelliewillms @valenftcrush @camilleee222 @prettygirlfemme @slaytillieswooo @love4lyn @joanvisitsrome @athenalive @mih11 @j-pacifica @everybodyhatesari @vii-ofswords @sophi4v13 @detmarmalade

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wallterwall · 1 year ago

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day 32

if you like my (cybrthrillz) content, please read this

tw for self harm and suicidal ideation

i want to take a break

this is not a victory or a win for anyone. if anything all of the harassment and relentless targeted hate has only made me even more motivated to make this little space ive created a more accepting place, and i will continue to be a voice of support for "weird and contradictory" queer identities because we all deserve to be happy and accepted

but, for a long time ive been putting myself in harms way, generally neglecting my own needs for the sake of other people, because i dont care about what happens to me as long as other people are happy and safe, and right now i dont think i can keep pushing myself like that anymore. im tired

i havent had a s/h problem since middle school but now those urges are resurfacing again when i thought id never have to deal with that again

i havent been able to relax or enjoy any of my time without having dreadful thoughts in the back of my mind

ill probably be changing things going forward too, or maybe things wont be changing at all. i dont know. i just know that i want to try and relax and watch those movies ive been meaning to watch and play more video games without feeling guilty that im not using my time for drawing.

the controversies have wounded me a lot but unfortunately regretevator is still my main hyperfixation so ill have trouble getting myself to draw anything else and i dont think i want to really avoid it. so ill still be drawing, but ill be drawing for myself without really worrying about posting schedules. ill still be active on discord, tumblr, instagram

im not going to kill myself today, nor am i going to in the future. because whether some people want to believe it or not, i know and my friends know that i always try my best to be a considerate and kind, overall good person. i know that i genuinely have positively impacted many people in life. i hope that ill be able to go back to regularly posting soon with a clearer state of mind because your support has genuinely improved my life both emotionally and financially, and i couldnt be more grateful.

but right now, its okay to be a little selfish for my sake. and i hope that you all can understand and be patient with me. thanks for stickin around

#daily wallter #regretevator art #regretevator fanart #regretevator wallter #wallter regretevator #regretevator roblox #roblox regretevator #regretevator roblox game #roblox #roblox art #roblox fanart #roblox game #roblox games #regretevator

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tomorrowillbeyou · 9 days ago

Note

hello how do i start watching mindcrack who is in mindcrack what is mindcrack? . also what is uhc?

sincerely, someone who wants to watch mindcrack but has no clue where to start or what it is or anything

Umm mindcrack was a minecraft smp (well kind of still is but really not to any significant degree) that started wayyyy back a zillion years ago in like 2010 with a bunch of people making videos on the server and doing outside events and other games together and resetting the map sometimes for seasons so not really much different from current smps i guess. it was really popular back in the early to mid 2010s + several of the members are still really popular today. had a big impact on minecraft youtube content + a lot of cool and fun stuff happened on there but it also kind of sucked sometimes in like an early to mid 2010s humour kind of way so like be aware of that if youre going to watch it.

as for who to watch and so forth probably don't ask me that because i haven't had time to watch a huge amount of povs or anything like there's definitely better people to ask i think @mindacracka has some posts about that that ive seen but im not sure LOL. i am to be perfectly honest mainly here to create weird fictions about etho + pauseunpause and read way too far into their interactions over the years. because i have problems. so ive mainly only watched videos from them but hey maybe ill expand in the future. sorry i can't be more help on that one LOL

uhc (ultra hardcore) was invented by guude + vintagebeef (from mindcrack) and its basically minecraft hardcore (i have no idea if you like minecraft or mcyt at all so sorry if i overexplain things) which is where you only get one life and have to stop playing if you die, but in ultra hardcore you also can't regenerate health if you get hurt without special healing items like potions and golden apples. normally you can heal by eating so it's like an extra challenge. the first two seasons were a team of 4 people trying to beat the game, it had never been tried before in uhc (bcoz uhc had never been tried before) so it was kind of experimental. season 2 is the one i never shut up about because i have problems and i thijk pauseunpauses pov specifically is like really fucking insane and he suffered more than jesus but honestly i feel like it isn't the best one to watch first because it's very slow paced (there are like 3 episodes that are just enderman hunting montages) and has some really weirdly aged parts. after those seasons they changed the format to mainly be solo battle royale or team games, many iconic things happened and there are like over 30 seasons now.. i don't remember how many exactly. again im not the best person to be giving recommendations here because im extremely biased towards etho + pauses povs and their famous rivalry and all the different times they faced each other in different seasons and their weird hangups about it and the audiences weird hangups about it and im just very very very obsessed with that whole storyline so im not going to get started or this post will be toooooo long but at some point i will be making a pause + etho uhc supercut. Trust me.

anyway ihope that answered your questiosn in an adequate way i am not an expert due to not being into it back in the day because i was a small child and i was only allowed to watch stampy cat because my mum called every other youtuber a "sweary american" and i have only been into it since less than a year ago. if you have any further questions i may or may not be able to answer them

#Genuinely curious btw (not mean) what led you to want to watch it without knowing even what it was #like what did you know before asking this im sooo nosy im curious and nosy

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kamiversee · 1 year ago

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The F*ck List (semi-official) Breakdown.

The following was submitted by my lovely ☃️anon, & I needed to make this it’s own post given how long it is, my replies & clarifications are written in between this breakdown & theory (Ex: A/N > Etc.).

Here, you’ll find majority of details you may have missed & maybe even more to think about. Enjoy :)

(wc; 5.7k) (content; spoilers ofc)

holy shit Kami. i literally had to take the entire day to process everything. before anything else, i need you to know that you've created an absolute masterpiece. TFL was the first fic i ever cared to keep up with and it has set the bar impossibly high for any other writer out there. please take your time with TFL 2, i'm so excited to read your other work!! also a break sounds like it would be so good for your mind considering how long you've dedicated yourself to this story 😭😭😭 you're seriously impressive. heads up, i didn't proofread this at all bc i finished typing this at 4 am LMFAO so forgive me if it's all scrambled and makes no sense.

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A/N > Thank you for taking the time to write this breakdown, I seriously appreciate it so I wanted to take my time in responding to it & engaging with you :)

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now, on to the yap. i deadass cracked my knuckles before typing all this out.

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A/N > You’re so real for tht ngl

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i reread the entirety of TFL from chapter 1 and my brain is so melted from analyzing that i'll prob find more details tomorrow after i sleep on some theories 😭 BUT HOLY FUCK YOU REALLY WEREN'T KIDDING WHEN YOU SAID YOU WERE HINTING AT GOJO'S OBSESSION SINCE LITERALLY THE FIRST CHAPTER??? the fucking hint being that "Gojo's desire for you is so strong it's almost frightening." GIRLLLLLL 🫵🫵🫵🫵🫵🫵

your foreshadowing and referencing is insane. idk if you intended a lot of it, but a lot of it caught my eye.

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A/N> I TOLD YOU GUYS IVE BEEN DOIN IT SINCE THE FIRST CHAPTER !! Okay not exactly but like there was a vibe I had from the first chapter & when I later came up with the twist & went back and saw that everything would connect perfectly ^.^

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chapter 7; the reader and Gojo have lighthearted banter about how the reader "started this" situation.

"I made a mistake." [reader]

"A good one."

"Bad one." You correct.

this was regarding a completely different situation but it baffled me how much it connects to the plot itself; the reader making the "mistake" of leaving her door open, and how it lead to months full of trauma and love. probably completely unintentional, but such a good detail.

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A/N > Very intentional btw, it’s supposed to be known that, in a sense, Gojo x reader is forbidden :)

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Choso's still staring at you intently, "What version of you would someone not like?"

The way he words his question only furthers that little feeling in your chest. It's almost as though he were implying that any and all versions of you would be acceptable in his eyes. - Chapter 16

THE WAY WE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT CHOSO WOULD STICK BY US REGARDLESSSSSSSS AAAAAA WE'RE SO BLIND!!! i just hope this stays true to the sequel :')

"No, I wish you didn't have to hate me." He says, shutting his eyes again and sucking in a deep breath, "B-But... it's uh, It's okay. I can live with you hating me." - Chapter 21

AAAA WE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN!!!! WE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THIS WAS FORESHADOWING OUR FUTURE WITHOUT GOJO 😭😭😭 how he can live with the idea of the reader hating him so long as she's happy with Choso, especially considering his later revelations of how twisted his actions were and how if you stuck with him, he'd view you differently. fuck.

You despise the fact that he loves you. To you, it's almost entitled for him to feel like he has that right. How dare he hold such a strong emotion for you? If he felt this way, why is he forcing you to sleep with people for him? It makes no sense.

Why would someone claim to love you and put you through so much?

If he's been in love with you all this time, why start the list in the first place? Why couldn't he have just tried to win your heart from the beginning? Why the list? Why the blackmail? You don't understand him. - Chapter 23

i'm crushed. we didn't understand because we didn't know that Sukuna was involved. that could mean a million other things. i have some far-fetched theories about this but hear me out later!!!

the entirety of chapter 23 had me fucking floored while i was rereading. THE FORESHADOWING WAS EVERYWHERE!!! EVERY FUCKING WHERE

"No sweetheart, Sukuna's an asshole but..." His expression flickers and his smile fades away. He swallows and then clears his throat, "I'm pretty sure he'll satisfy you just fine."

...

You narrow your eyes at him, "Are you sure?"

...

"Fuckin' positive," Gojo suddenly sounds pissed and you grow concerned. The arm around you gets a little tighter while he walks you through some crowds and you keep looking at the man confused.

There's a vein popping out along his jawline because of how hard he's gritting his teeth.

of course he's aggravated because he knows that Sukuna is the one behind the list in the first place 😭😭😭 I'M SORRY WE DOUBTED YOU SATORU, FUCKKKK

——FIFTEEN MINUTES. That was the exact amount of time it took you to seduce Sukuna. The act was way too easy. Actually, it was suspiciously easy.

BECAUSE HE FUCKING KNEW 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

"What all did you plan on doing tonight aside from getting harassed by strangers?" Sukuna suddenly questions against your skin.

You ignore how close he is and the way his lips make you tense, turning your head to face forward. Chuckling at his last comment, "Same thing as everyone else here." You reply, slightly confused by his question.

"Bullshit," He utters, "Nobody dresses like this without the intent of gaining my attention," Sukuna claims while his hands slide back down along your body.

this 100% could be just him being cocky and Sukuna, but the recent reveal just makes this feel like an extra demeaning interaction. but of course, it's Sukuna.

chapter 24 is so fucking shady too with everything we know. i know you addressed some of these points already bc i brought them up in previous anon messages, but these things still had me paranoid;

the way Sukuna leaves us and tells the reader to go to his room after a certain amount of time (i know he could have just been tidying up real quick but everything about this man has me on edge)

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A/N> A lot of people are on edge about this but I’ll be honest, there’s nothing crazy that happens in between this time period. Not saying nothing happens but nothing crazy— it’ll be addressed later (in the next fic most likely)

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the way he's been consistently on the phone since the reader entered the room, which is shortly after she messaged Gojo saying that she'll be able to cross Sukuna off of this list by tonight which he wasn't happy with at all.

no seriously, he kept diverting his attention to something in the bathroom and then came out, still on his phone. maybe he's talking to literally anyone else but STILL I'M PARANOID

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A/N> This is to show the fact that Sukuna is a very socially active individual, & hints to the theory (I think you later state) that he has connections.

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this happens in chapter 25 but the way he keeps smiling while the reader kisses him is just so smug of him especially considering the original reason as to why the reader's even interacting with him

then the spicy chapters with Sukuna…

the foreshadowing that the lack of knowledge of Sukuna's reputation will come back to bite her in the ass; first with the knowledge that he is abusive, and then her finding out that he is the curator of the list, knowing the full details of her blackmail and even threatening her again.

WHO DID HE FUCKING FIGHT HELPPPPP MY MIND IS BOGGLING there's no way it's Gojo, right? they're both too unscathed in these next few chapters for there to have been a fight between the two of them.

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A/N > It’s not Gojo. 🙏

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THE FUCKING MOMENT WHERE HE CONTEMPLATED SOMETHING WITH THE PHONE IN HIS HAND??? I FUCKING KNEW IT. I FUCKING CALLED IT WAS SOMETHING SHADY AS HELL.

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A/N> The other Sukuna hint I was talking about is right before this moment btw, you’re welcome ;)

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then he has the audacity to hold his tongue right afterwards?? it's such a big hint towards the fact that he knew about the list from the beginning UGHHHHHHHH.

the way he tried to humor the reader about her "job" even though he was in on the whole thing. UGH. SUKUNA WHEN I GET YOU SUKUNA?? 👊👊👊👊 especially with that "whore" joke right afterwards. i can't stand him. i know that it's implied that he has a twisted view on women from having abusive women in his life (his mom and his ex who he punched) BUT STILL. he's so lucky he's fictional and hot.

the fact that we're able to pick up on the fact that it's a "crazy coincidence" that he continues the whore jokes UGHHHHH HE HAS BEEN PLAYING US FROM THE STAAAAAARTT

Gojo got upset at something from Sukuna's party, he didn't want you to call yourself a whore all of a sudden, Sukuna seems to have believed that was your actual job, and you remember how pissed Gojo seemed as he thought about you sleeping with Sukuna-

Holy fuck. Are the two connected somehow? Is something going on? What does Gojo owe Sukuna? Does Sukuna know you only slept with him as payment to clear Gojo's debt? Is-

GIRL YOU WERE ALMOST THERE!!!! YOU ALMOST HAD IT!!!

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A/N > I love teasing in my narration by nearly spoiling things 😹

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---

seriously though, these chapters killed me. the official end obliterated my heart. it's so fucking bittersweet i want to scream at the top of a high building. the reader ends up happy and with someone she loves, which is fantastic for her. she deserves that after everything she went through. Choso treats her so, so well.

but Gojo. with the theories i have, i feel horrible. i was so harsh towards him as a die hard Choso girly but these endings changed me. i just hope i'm right.

the fact that his healing journey is harsher than ours makes this ending sting so much. he's healed, and you can see it with his demeanor from the call and the way he interacted with the reader.

we were always made aware of the way he looked at us such deep attachment. the initial gleam shows that he's happy to see us, but that he's not reliant on us for his happiness anymore. he's finding that on his own, and it's a grueling process for him. i wished the reader gave him a hug, but that would probably make me feel even worse.

┏━━━

A/N> He gave her a lil side hug (with his arm over her shoulder) & was resting his head on hers at the end if that makes you feel any better 😅

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"Through my blackmailing, I fell for you but I also did it because I loved you from the start." i'm gonna throw up bro i'm so sad. i'm proud of his growth. his obsession was so, so strong but he always prioritized the reader's happiness over himself. i know that being self-sacrificial is so core to his personality but it doesn't make it suck any less. i'm devastated. i started blasting mitski in the car on my way to work after reading this.

i thought i was ready for the journal burning. i was so ready for this tie to be severed, for them to finally move on. but i failed to realize that it could ultimately mean a life without each other. it makes sense as to why, but it still sucks.

kami i need that poly ending before i cry my eyes out at 4 am rn. you know i can't handle angst, but bittersweet endings lowkey hurt me even more. i need all my babies to be happy. i desperately need it.

but that alt ending... fuck. in a horrible, sick, and twisted way, i'm relieved. i'm a Choso girly from the bottom of my heart but i can't let this Gojo go omfg. even if he shows up for one more chapter, i think i'll be alright. BUT IT BETTER NOT BE FOR DEATH KAMI!!!! I HAVE A FEW EXCERPTS THAT SUGGEST DEATH FLAGS BUT I AM SIMPLY NOT LOOKING AT THEM. DON'T DO THIS TO ME KAMIIIIIII. i need this boy to be frolicking in a field of flowers or something. my heart can't take this.

┏━━━

A/N> I know I reference death a lot but that’s just to add a sense of how dramatic the characters are 🫶

┗━━━

---

okay, time for my mind-fucky theory. pls bare with me. if it wasn't obvious by my last post, i'm 100% on board with the theory that Sukuna's blackmailing Gojo, which started this whole thing. but the thing that is getting me is how this all connects. i have some assumptions that could make sense, but there are a handful of gaps. here's my thought process;

Sukuna's blackmailing Gojo by using his obsession/love against him.

we are already familiar with the fact that Gojo has liked the reader for years. there was a chapter where Gojo mentioned that it started off as a "crush" but he was so oblivious to his own obsession up until the reader mentioned it to him. it's to the point that he didn't understand what was wrong with the idea of hurting people for the reader. who's to say that Sukuna didn't catch him in some sort of heinous act regarding the reader like stalking?

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A/N > You’re cooking with this one and I almost, almost had to go get the fire extinguisher :D

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Gojo didn't understand the difference between love and obsession until later on in the story. this would be consistent with the implication that Gojo just loved her so deeply that his morals were askew as we have yet to find out how far his love goes.

what if Sukuna caught him in the act of doing god knows what, and brought up the fact that if the reader found out about this, that she'd get super freaked out and would do everything she can to get away from him (considering probably barely knew each other, if at all, at this point). but why would Sukuna devise such a plan over a money bribe? well, Sukuna's already revealed to be wealthy, and maybe he was bored. the same line that Gojo kept repeating to the reader whenever she questioned him as to why he did it. what if Gojo asked Sukuna why he's blackmailing him, and he said the exact same thing; "I was bored." we see how much Sukuna mirrors Gojo's speech by calling the reader "sweetheart" often, what if Gojo did the same thing?

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A/N > Gojo & Sukuna do have a few parallels in this story & they will be addressed more in the sequel.

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we wondered in chapter 23 how Gojo reaches out to these men to ensure their debt is "paid," but considering how oblivious everyone else on the list is to Gojo owing them anything, it would make sense that he only reports to Sukuna as he is ordered to do so. but two things stumped me on this theory overall.

the reader said that she used to party a lot and get involved with boys before Gojo. if he was stalking her for so long, why did he wait so long to approach her?

what specifically would be the blackmail that Sukuna has on Gojo?

regarding the first point, it's been mentioned that Gojo has been "scared of women" and was shy when it came to approaching the reader. he knew of her for so long, but was able to constantly slip under her radar. considering how much of a pervert he is, it wouldn't have been surprising for him to sneak around and watch in on the reader hooking up with other guys. after all, these guys were probably complete strangers to him and all he cared about was you. remember how Gojo was basically able to tune out his own best friend, Suguru, when the reader was hooking up with him in their living room? it wouldn't be wild to assume that he was able to do the same for your other hookups as he spied on you.

to connect this with second point, what if Sukuna caught Gojo being a peeping tom on the reader during a party hook-up? while being so distracted in the act of spying, Sukuna spots him. the reader wouldn't be alright with the fact that someone who's barely an acquaintance (if that, depending on the time this occurred) to her has been perving around and watching her have sex without her consent. she would do anything to get away from Gojo, and of course that would crush him. Gojo tried to buy Sukuna's silence by any means necessary. so, Sukuna generated a list of people that he and Gojo mutually knew for the reader to fuck. the reasoning for it would be the fact that Gojo has to sit through the process of having the girl he likes fuck a bunch of guys besides him, and the fact that Gojo knew all these men would make it sting more. plus, he has a reputation for hookups. (chapter 8)

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A/N > You’re like RIGHT there with it and yet not there at the same time omg 😟

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but why would Gojo agree to this deal with Sukuna, and why would he also go with the method of blackmailing the reader? it's basically a guarantee that the reader would be scared away regardless. but again, we could recall that Shoko mentioned that he was too "scared of women" to approach the reader at first. this was his chance to finally approach her. plus, "once that video is gone, there is no excuse he'll have to be around you." (chapter 8)

---

but the more i thought of this reasoning for the two points, the more bizarre it felt. so what if instead of Gojo being a peeping tom, it was Sukuna. we get so many hints that Sukuna has eyes and intel everywhere. we get an indirect implication of this when he called us out for rolling our eyes during our phone call with him. yes, it could be completely by chance, but it's still a great hint that he "sees everything" and "knows everything." we get an even bigger hint towards this in the alt ending when he directly references The F*ck List.

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A/N > Others have taken note of how Sukuna knew she rolled her eyes but trust me, that’s just to show that Sukuna knows the reader’s body language more than he’s let on & paid attention to her a lot during the time they were together.

┗━━━

it wouldn't be too far fetched to assume that he has some shady videos taken of people without his consent, some possibly acquired through other people (like how Gojo was revealed to have sent Sukuna the video of the reader from the first chapter). what if Gojo caught Sukuna with the video, threatened him to delete it, and Sukuna counterthreatened to have it be sent and posted everywhere. it would be highly ironic, but consistent with the way that Gojo and Sukuna practically mirror each other at times. the reasoning for the list choices would still be the same for this theory, too.

---

my citations for these theories ☝️🤓

“You once asked me if I love you because I blackmailed you or if I blackmailed you because I love you and my answer is both,” Gojo confesses as he turns to meet your gaze, “Through my blackmailing, I fell for you but I also did it because I loved you from the start.” - Chapter 56

loved you from the start; his obsession has been consistent from the start (supports Gojo being a peeping tom theory) or he has always had a deep concern for you (supports him wanting to stop Sukuna from spreading blackmail of you instead).

“I’ve sacrificed everything for you, y’know.”

“How? What’s everything that you’ve sacrificed, hm?”

“You. I sacrificed the woman I love to make her happy.” Gojo admits, and of all he’s said thus far, that feels like the truest statement.

“I could’ve been happy with you.” You remind him.

He laughs, “Yeah well, I’m an idiot.”

You scoff, “That’s all you have to say?”

“Yup.” - Chapter 56

is he an idiot for being a peeping pervert instead of just approaching you normally? maybe. how does this make her happy? she ends up finding love through Choso, through the list, through the blackmail.

But deleting the video means ... he has no more leverage over you and can't force you to help him with the hole he's dug for himself. - Chapter 8

the hole being the blackmail set against him by Sukuna.

Gojo's behind you cursing at himself for being unable to tell you the truth.

He's so scared that you'll never help him without the blackmail and, well, he has every right to be because you're pretty sure that if it weren't for those videos he has over your head, you wouldn't be doing any of this. - Chapter 9

the videos he's referencing is the original video from chapter 1 and the fake video he lied about with Suguru, but he can't tell the reader the truth because it's too twisted and risky (supports Gojo peeping tom theory).

He silences himself in thought. There are so many ways he could go about answering such a question but the possibilities of how you may react are endless. Plus, you're drunk and if he's going to admit or explain anything to you, it'll be while you're sober.

"Because..." Gojo's voice gets so quiet that you almost don't catch what he says, "...I don't have any other choice." - Chapter 21

if he didn't go through with his list, Sukuna would have went through with Gojo's blackmail, thus resulting in either you getting as far away from Gojo as soon as possible or Sukuna's video being sent around.

He let something slip abruptly, "W-Wish I c-could tell you everything, sweets..."

Your brows furrow at that.

Are you missing something here? - Chapter 22

YES GIRL!!!! SUKUNA'S BEHIND THE WHOLE LIST, HE'S BEHIND THE BLACKMAIL GIRLYPOP

"Anything," Gojo says, meeting your gaze. He's so serious that it's almost dark the way he looks at you, "I'd do anything for you." - Chapter 29

"I meant it when I said I'd do anything for you."

You follow his motions and then end up right back in his arms, "Right..."

"I'd sacrifice the very thing I love just to see you happy." Gojo claims proudly.

You scoff, "Thought' I was the thing you loved?"

"You are."

His words bewilder you, "Then that makes no sense."

"It won't." Gojo shrugs. - Chapter 29

🧍‍♀️

anything. even if it means putting your body, heart, mind, and career on the line. directly supports the theory that Sukuna initially had blackmail on the reader.

"We're the same, y'know..." He suddenly says, his voice breaking again, "We both want someone so terribly bad but our situations prohibit us from getting that person."

"You could've prevented all this though..."

Gojo sniffles and you feel a drop of wetness slide down his cheek and slip against your palm. The man was crying? Why? - Chapter 30

this whole time we've been told that Gojo and the reader share more similarities than the reader realizes. what Gojo is to the reader, the reader is to Choso. while Choso now knows of the men that the reader slept with, he doesn't know why. he doesn't know about you being blackmailed. you know that you had to sleep with these men. you don't know why. you didn't know it was because of Gojo being blackmailed.

"For loving me, Satoru. It's not a crime," You say, mocking a comment he made to you earlier, "You're allowed to love me. So, for that, and that only, I forgive you."

Those words healed so many more wounds in his heart than you realized. It was like that was all he ever needed to hear. If Gojo's mistake was loving you and that's what caused this, then you forgive him.

If in some twisted way, his feelings started the list, you forgive him.

COME ON NOW.

There’s so much going unspoken but the two of you knew what either was saying, you understood each other more than either of you realized. - Chapter 35

“Well,” Gojo sighs heavily and then draws your hands off his face, leaning down to you a bit, “Sometimes, sacrifices need to be made in exchange for one’s happiness.”

“Are you telling me that all this was for the greater good?” You quiz as you raise a curious brow.

“Something like that, yeah,” He shrugs. - Chapter 45

You tell him, “If I had one wish, it’d be that you did that from the beginning.”

Gojo opens his mouth to say something but then he swallows his words down. He nearly fucked up.

“All you had to do was talk to me,” Your shoulders raise into a shrug as you move a hand to the doorknob, “Things could’ve been different if you did.”

“Even if I’ve been obsessed with you since the beginning?” He questions and he’s stepping closer to you again. He can’t possibly wrap his head around that possibility-

You laugh a bit, “Especially if you were obsessed from the beginning,” You didn’t know it but that statement right there made the man feel as though his world was falling apart, loads of regret tumbling over him as he stares at you with wide eyes, “Satoru I think you forgot but, before all this started, aside from Shoko… I was lonely.”

Gojo’s throat goes dry and he fails to form a response to that, “I…”

“If you had just talked to me one time, and more than a hey or how are you,” The way your eyes soften, a slim sheer gloss of tears coating your gaze as you speak to him, “I would’ve fallen for you.”

He grits his teeth, “Don’t tell me that.”

“But it’s true.” You say.

And just like that, Gojo was crumbling all over again. If only you knew how much he regretted everything after hearing you say that. - Chapter 46

if he had just spoke to the reader before all of this, maybe she wouldn't have gone to those parties, hooked up with those people, and caused whatever kind of blackmail Sukuna had on Gojo (or on her).

He wishes he could take it all back, his feelings for you included. If only he could go back and stop himself from ever being curious about you. That’s what started it after all. Because, at the end of the day, Gojo knew who you were before you knew who he was— hell, even before Shoko knew who you were. - Chapter 53

then what is the timeline of his obsession starting? has it been before Gojo? could his blackmail have taken place even before Shoko introduced you two, adding to the weight of the threat that Sukuna held over Gojo's head (regarding the peeping tom theory).

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A/N > The timeline on Gojo’s interest, not obsession just yet, on the reader will be addressed in the sequel so this’ll be answered there <3

┗━━━

---

but there were certain parts that stumped me and my theories so i have some weird reasonings around them;

It's selfish of him and seriously fucked up but, he's said it before and he'll say it over and over again-- you're all he has. He made promises to everyone on that list, promises of delivering a woman to them at some point, and of course, he couldn't convince anyone he knew to do such a thing.

So again, the situation with you just happened to be a coincidence.

The problem is that Gojo hates that it's you. He hates that you're the one he ended up doing this to. - Chapter 8

Gojo's known to be a silly guy so it could make sense that he actually did promise these guys hookups for reasons unrelated to his blackmail. after all, he does have a reputation for getting people hookups. the coincidence is that Sukuna now has dirt on Gojo and wants to toy with him. by making the reader sleep with them the guys he coincidentally owes hookups to, he fulfills his role/reputation and relieves his debt at the same time. two birds, one stone.

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A/N > As we later learn that some of the “debt” Satoru claimed to have isn’t real, we can also infer that his reputation & the promises he’s made to these men were done out of coincidence. Take Toji for example; tell me you can’t see an interaction between him & Gojo where Gojo gets a bad grade and wants to get it up so he taunts his professor with the idea of getting him a hookup & Toji would laugh it off considering Gojo’s reputation ;)

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another thing that stumped me is why Gojo got so worked up with the reader referring herself as a whore, and the connection to Sukuna. my delulu reasoning is that once Sukuna threatened Gojo with blackmail by either of the two theories/methods i mentioned, Sukuna casually referred to the reader as a whore. that caused a major fight between the two, possibly even getting physical (which can refer back to the implication that Gojo has hurt people for the reader).

the fight could have increased the tension and severity of the situation, so Sukuna decides to add Choso to the list knowing how easily attached Choso gets. in chapter 5, the reader and Gojo were discussing the list and Choso specifically. Gojo was even noted to be relieved when the reader had mentioned that they'll just have to hope that Choso doesn't get attached, as he obviously holds deep feelings for the reader. Sukuna knows that by going through with the blackmail with Choso involved, Gojo most likely will not end up with the reader if Choso get attached and the reader reciprocates those feelings.

also, the counterargument that Sukuna and Gojo are actually friends/allies in this situation just doesn't sit well with me. it would make for a crazy twist but it just feels too out of character for Gojo. but then again, how would Sukuna specifically know about The F*ck List? but idk, it just feels so wrong to me. maybe i have too much faith in Gojo lmfao. after all, he has consistently shown a great dislike towards the guy since chapter 23. but maybe it's my denial speaking. i really don't want to think of Satoru going through this whole arc only for it to reveal that he truly is a piece of shit. pls don't do this to my pookie my heart cannot handle it </3

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A/N > Remember, Gojo is a good actor & you go a long period of time in the book not realizing he’s not as much of a villain as he pretends to be 😉

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there's that moment after the reader fucked Sukuna that still messes with my brain. with my theories, my brain's thinking that he contemplated on collecting even more blackmail on the reader. for what reason? idk, to be an ass? to torment Gojo further and add more to his blackmail? but maybe he decided not to because he already has plenty of blackmail on the reader (if the theory of Sukuna having a video of her from way back then is true) and fucking her knowingly made Gojo pissed considering all the dirt Sukuna has.

so why can't Gojo tell her the truth now? why does he want to wait years in advance? maybe he's hoping that by that time, not only will you forget and not care about the situation overall, but maybe Sukuna will forget all about it as well. the chances of Sukuna holding on to the reader's blackmail for that long is slim and the reader would most likely be in a situation where she is completely separated from Sukuna depending on her job and living situation with Choso. the stakes are lower than if he were to reveal everything to you now, at a moment where your life is still so uncertain. it would go against his wish for you to end up happy.

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A/N > Maybe Gojo doesn’t tell her the truth because he can’t, just as he said 🌚 Perhaps he’s not allowed to yet. After all, why would Sukuna even tell the reader he made the list in the end? ^.^ Just some food for thought!

┗━━━

---

regarding the future of TFL... fuck, bro. i have no fucking idea. i'm too caught up in the (presumed) past. i'm mourning fr. i love this fic sooooo fucking much. whenever you decide to pick up on the sequel, i will be there. if you choose to publish anything else in the meantime, i will be there. thanks for such a fun and memorable read, Kami. i'm excited to bookbind this soon 🤍🤍🤍 now, i need to watch blue lock to shove these feelings down.

yap fin (for now)

-☃️

A/N > I love you sosoosooooo much for this. These theories are like reading an entirely new fanfic sometimes except, I know all the answers & what’s going to happen next, which only makes me more excited ^.^ Thank you for taking the time to make this, thank you for reading, thank you for supporting, just, THANK YOU.

This right here is exactly what I write for; people like you :)

To the others reading this breakdown & theory, thank ☃️anon because she’s a damn godsend & ilhsm ^.^ (definitely showing favoritism rn, sorry not sorry, ily all I swear)

Edit; Since you’re watching Blue Lock, I can’t wait to bring my Shidou fanfic here because a lot of the drama in TFL has inspo from that fic, which I wrote first ^.^ & I could totally see you enjoying it because not only is it a childhood friends to lovers than enemies & back to lovers troupe BUT it also includes Itoshi Sae x reader which ofc, adds hella drama :))

P.S. It’s two am as I finally post this and omg sorry it took me a while, I wanted to answer other anons first before unpacking this badboy, again, tysm!!

#the f*ck list #tfl!theories #tfl spoiler #tfl #k!ans: ☃️

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semisolidmind · 2 years ago

Note

i know it's all about the lion's den AU rn and as usual I am FEASTING on the content (excuse the crumbs) but there's an idea that won't leave me alone-

what if Peaches was not human, but an immortal from the beginning? How much would change? I know the whole appeal of these AUs - I mean, that's why I love them and I absolutely love this lil corner of the fandom. but I've been kinda diving into the whole immortality biz in Chinese myths for my oc, so now I'm curious.

Peaches could be someone cultivating and practicing Xian (i hope I'm using that right) for years, or consumed pills/elixir of immortality somehow, or a demon who is oddly very kind and empathetic - would the bois still love her just as much? How different is the dynamic now even if Peaches retains her core personality traits?

love your work! and hydrate before ya diedrate

ive been thinking about this, and i kinda like the idea of immortal reader being an attendant of the heavenly peach orchard.

not super high up the ladder, but not at the bottom either. her powers are limited to helping plants grow just a little bit, creating temporary barriers, and being able to float the way all celestials can. the higher-ups figure that since no one is bold or stupid enough to steal from heaven, they don’t need any extra security in the immortal peach groves.

you can take a guess as to how reader meets the monkeys.

they show up to the orchards, ready to fight their way to the peaches, but instead of some overpowered celestial soldiers guarding the orchard, it's....one immortal maiden. just the one. but she doesn't seem all that powerful, soooooo...

...maybe she'd agree to let them take a few without too much trouble?

the monkey bros go the "oh don't mind us we're just a couple of cute lil monkeys, here to cause adorable and harmless mischief" route in their approach to getting reader to let her gaurd down.

they approach her while she takes a break from pruning some dead branches. she's understandably surprised and suspicious about these two seemingly normal monkeys who've snuck in, but... they are pretty cute. and tame; they let her pet them and give them scritches. perhaps they're one of the heavenly official's pets. reader supposes that they can stay for a while.

wukong and macaque play their parts, get reader's guard down, and steal a couple dozen peaches each. reader notices, but there's not much she can do beyond shooing the monkeys out with a broom (and her soft heart barely allows her to do that). she knows that if she reports it, those cute lil monkeys will be hunted down and killed.

she supposes she could put in a request for higher walls around the grove, or more barriers (she still wonders how the boys managed to get through the first ones), but with how slowly things get done in the bureaucracy...it'd be a very, very long time until it was even brought up in court.

besides, even then....they're monkeys. animals. she won't place blame on them for being what they are. those little cuties probably had no idea that the immortal peaches were any different from the ones on earth.

she could never stay mad at their adorable lil faces anyways.

---

reader, despite what you might think, has a pretty laid back job. once all her chores for the day have been completed (those magic trees don't really need much beyond the essentials to do their thing), she has a good amount of free time to sit and, you guessed it—read.

macaque (because of course, he has to be the first one to fall in every au) decides, on a bored whim, to go visit that nice attendant they stole from not too long ago. perhaps he'll collect some intel while he's up there.

he finds her after a bit of searching. reader sits in a secluded corner of the grove, leisurely turning pages and enjoying the shade. macaque, still disguised, sidles up to her. reader notices, seeming surprised to see him before her face morphs into... a rather adorable pout. perhaps she thinks she's being intimidating.

'damn, no wonder the bureaucracy didn't think they needed any more security,' macaque thinks sarcastically. such a fearsome maiden they've chosen to guard the immortal peaches.

while reader takes a minute to admonish him about stealing, it isn't long before she sighs and gives up on her lecture in favor of scratching him gently behind his ears. he churrs low in his chest. her whole demeanor is as soft and sweet as the peaches she guards (her hands as well, he notes, pressing into them).

macaque laughs internally. a fearsome maiden, indeed.

macaque manages to wiggle his way into reader's lap, pulling her attention from her book. she knows she should be trying to scare him off, but...just—just look at him! he's so cute, and she's too pulled in by how cute he is to notice the oddly powerful aura he seems to exude (far too powerful to be a normal monkey). he enjoys her touch for a while longer before he hears the far-off call of his annoying brother, wondering where he is. he bumps his head into reader's hand by way of goodbye before running off to shadow away more secretively.

reader watches him go, sighing. she really should shoo him away next time.

---

macaque keeps coming back. and reader continues to be unable to kick him out.

with very few visitors and no one else to talk to, reader begins to tell him everything that she overhears during the day; the officials don't think anyone is listening when they air out their gossip as they walk by the orchard. she doesn’t know it, but she’s saving macaque the energy of using his powers to gather this intel on his own.

the six-eared demon makes a habit of showing up to the grove to laze around with his favorite maiden and listen to her read, using “spying” as the excuse he gives his brother for why he's been running off so often. reader seems to have accepted that he won't be leaving her alone any time soon, and he takes full advantage. macaque comes to think of reader and the secluded corner of the grove as his own little peice of heaven.

of course, sooner or later, wukong joins in. he's a bit angry that macaque didn't just say he was visiting the peach orchard and it's attendant; he wouldn't have minded, he would've come with! macaque doesn't bother trying to explain that he didn't want to share.

but share he does, seeing as wukong greedily takes all the attention from reader he can get. the monkey king finds himself enamored with the maiden who's hands and heart are as soft as the fruits she tends to. he won't admit it (it may hurt his carefully crafted "ruthless demon king" image if he did), but wukong is a cuddle bug when it comes to reader. everything about her is just so soft, and she's so kind, and she always smells like peaches—he could spend hours laying on her chest as she reads.

he just feels so...peaceful, with her.

the boys are entangled in reader's life, visiting whenever they can and butting into whatever she happens to be doing. they see her day to day happiness (brief conversations with the lower maids she's friends with), and her struggles (the two monkeys bore witness to the officials taking their anger out on reader over something trivial, their rage towards heaven growing stronger). the two grow more and more attached to her as time goes on.

and so they begin to work a small abduction into the grander scheme of their plan.

---

sooner or later, the monkey warlords properly raid heaven. they and their demon army storm the jade palace, murdering servants, footsoldiers, and as many officials as they can. the monkey king and the six-eared macaque lead a massacre so bloody it stains the palace walls red. wukong especially holds back none of his rage, getting caught up in his hatred for heaven and zealously continuing to shed as much celestial blood as he can.

during a lull in the chaos, macaque, covered in vicera, makes his way to the immortal peach grove. with the battle coming to a close and the demon forces being driven back, now is as good a time as ever to snatch up a special “peach” for himself and his brother.

he finds said peach preoccupied with a gallant attempt at protecting herself and a few lower maids from a demon soldier, using a series of barriers. the soldier breaks the barriers almost as fast as reader can make them, rapidly pushing her and her companions into a corner. reader puts up a brave fight, but she's a celestial attendant, not a celestial warrior.

macaque calls out to the soldier, halting their attack and telling them to regroup with the others and prepare to move out. the soldier complies, crassly assuring the women that they’re about to be nothing more than bloody pulp on the garden wall. no one has ever gone against the shadow general of the demon army and lived.

macaque waits until the soldier is out of sight before leisurely approaching the still quivering group of maids and their determined, but exhausted looking guard. reader tenses as he steps closer. she feels a horrible sense of dread crawl down her spine when she gets a good look at him.

the dark fur, the shape of the mask marking on his face...reader feels tears start to bead at the corners of her eyes.

this entire time, she'd been petting and coddling the six-eared macaque. the second in command of the dreaded demon army has been sitting right in front of her and she had no idea. reader can barely keep her breathing steady.

and if this is her dark-furred companion, then the lighter-furred one must be…oh stars.

…she let the monkey king in.

she practically threw open the doors for him. she didn’t report them when she should have, she knew there was something strange about them but she was so sure they were just normal animals—oh stars above, if the jade emperor ever discovered this, she’d be executed.

but…but reader steels herself. she can deal with that later. her friends are counting on her.

now, she’s certainly not expecting the blood-covered demon general across from her to be open to bargaining (he could just kill all of them now, but reader gets the feeling he wouldn't be merciful enough to end it quickly). and he knows exactly what leverage he has over her, she can see it in the smug look on his face.

but she tries anyways.

“let them go, please,” she begs breathlessly, arms shaking from the strain of maintaining her magic. the least she can do is buy her friends a moment more. “do whatever you want with me, but they are blameless.”

macaque chuckles, the sound reverberating lowly between the trees. whatever he wants, huh? oh, sweet peach. she should know better than to give him so much leeway.

“that is tempting. if that’s the case, then perhaps you’ll go with me willingly,” he muses, tail swaying slowly. his fangs glint dangerously when he smirks.

“don’t fight, and no harm will come to them. that, and your secret will be safe with me. honest."

reader doesn’t believe him. she can’t, but she and her friends are so low priority that calling for help would be useless. if the demon army has been as effective as the screaming would lead her to believe, the celestial host has much bigger problems than rescuing a gardener and some lowly maidservants. and with the chance that she’ll be seen through and blamed for every gory death that's happened beyond the walls of the peach groves...

she doesn’t have a choice.

reader slowly, cautiously lowers her barriers, despite the worried cries of the maids behind her. they cower closer together as reader takes a slow step closer to macaque.

with a flick of his wrist, reader is struck by a sleeping spell so potent she falls into macaque's waiting arms like a lead weight. the demon gathers his beloved into his hold with a gentleness that doesn't fit his gory visage.

he sinks into a shadow, leaving the maids to clutch each other and cry at the loss of reader and the near loss of their own lives.

---

reader wakes up days later in the royal bedchambers of the stone palace. she startles at seeing the monkey king and the six-eared macaque laying on either side of her, stripped to just a loose pair of pants each. she herself has been changed to a comfortable silk robe, her own clothing nowhere to be seen.

reader feels a cold sludge in her gut. she scrambles out of the pillow pit, kicking a few into the face of one of her captors as she goes. she checks herself over, looking for bite marks, claw marks, anything to indicate the two demons sharing a bed with her had violated her in any way. she looks, and breathes a heavy sigh.

she finds nothing.

"we figured we'd wait until you were awake to start marking territory," the tired, yet still somehow smug voice of the monkey king chimes from behind her. reader turns to see the demon leveling an amorous look her way. his gold and crimson eyes burn like fire in the low light.

reader ignores him in favor of falling to her knees and burying her face in her hands. now that she has a moment to think, her failure has decided to take centerstage; she was the one who let the monkey king into the jade palace, she let him steal the immortal peaches, she's the one who carelessly shared all the gossip that told them when the best time to attack would be, she's to blame for all the lives lost—

"hey. y'know we would've raided heaven even if we hadn't met you, right? it's not your fault," macaque says, propping his head in his hand to look at her. he doesn't have the decency to hide how he's sizing her up, poison purple eyes glowing whilst tracing her curves. reader shrinks into herself a bit more.

"yep. don't feel too bad, peaches. i was never gonna spare any of those bureaucrats in the first place," wukong adds. "and besides, none of those guys cared about you anyway, so why feel bad?"

reader sobs, pressing her hands to her eyes. she knows. she knows how callous the officials could be, but that doesn't mean they deserved to die. it doesn't mean the servants and foot soldiers who were only following orders deserved their fates.

she hears movement, then feels a set of strong, furred arms wrap around her. wukong rests his head on her shoulder. he nuzzles his nose against her neck. she feels his warm breath and the glance of deadly sharp fangs when he speaks.

"they didn't deserve the mercy you seem to think they did."

---

wukong places a seal on reader's powers. what little defense she had against them is gone with the placement of a brand-like marking in between her shoulder blades (and a few more along her shoulders made with his teeth).

reader can't do anything. wukong won't let her leave, and even if she could, the heavenly court will have her executed if she goes back. so, she remains on the monkey king's mountain.

she didn't think she'd share a fate with the precious fruit she'd failed to protect.

#bad end wukong #twice as bad au #immortal peach au #i guess??? cause shes an immortal???#this got waaay longer than expected #got tired and couldnt figure out how to end it #dialogue is hard

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