#it's been so long since ive created content

[shadowsandshapes]

This blog's ✨one-month anniversary✨ is coming up and I've decided to try and finish the first draft of the long fic by then. If I write 2 chapters a day, I should be able to make it (:

[ihaveverything]

Limitless manifesting for beginners

part I - the basic concepts

part II - states, techniques, change

part III - mental diet, sats

part IV - daily life, time

ʚ part V - resistance, faith, the ''real'' world

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ

Changing your life can happen faster than you ever possibly imagined, but you first have to understand the basics of who you are. This goes beyond the common saying of “you don’t manifest what you want, you manifest who you are” into a deeper spiritual truth about our existence as souls and a reality far greater than what we see now. Each of us has many probable lives, access to infinite probable realities, and is truly the sole creator for our individual reality.

“First of all, a soul is not something that you have. It is what you are.” – Seth Speaks: The Eternal Validity of the Soul

Resistance

To enter a state is not the most difficult thing. In fact, it should be rather effortless, until the factor of resistance and strain comes in. There is no benefit in affirming or visualizing against how you feel, because the latter will always be the victor. In fact, it only reinforces lack because of avoidance.

“There is a great difference between resisting evil and renouncing it. When you resist evil, you give it your attention; you continue to make it real. When you renounce evil, you take your attention from it and give your attention to what you want.” – Neville Goddard, The Power of Awareness

Since we live in a physical reality, we often identify with the part of us that is responsible for daily activities, and we barely give any thought to the unconscious portion of ourselves that is the basis for creating the experience around us. We rely on our senses to survive and allow the outside world to determine how we feel. However, the concept of us being more than a physical form has been discussed in both scientific and spiritual fields. As you have likely learned from Neville and / or Seth, our consciousness is far more than a production of the neurons in our brain. Our own physical form, which we have so strongly identified with, is just like a custom fitting glove that we are constantly creating to suit our needs. We are in the physical as Gods in training, learning how to use our thoughts to create our human experience. This gift is something we were born with, and although the Law is not common knowledge to most people in this world, the truth about reality and our identity is not hidden. It is displayed in each of our lives on a daily basis, with a perfect correlation between the states we’ve been entertaining and the events that occur.

“However, the understanding of the causes of your experience, and the knowledge that you are the sole creator of the contents of your life, both good and bad, not only make you a much keener observer of all phenomena, but through the awareness of the power of your consciousness, intensify your appreciation of the richness and grandeur of life.” – Neville Goddard, The Power of Awareness

Knowing this perspective of being a fragment of God, it is completely up to us to create anything we desire with our imagination. There are 3D circumstances that seem to hold us back, but if you really think about it, what’s more limitless? The 3D world or your imagination? And which comes first? The imagination. Sometimes we wish things were different, we hope this will change, we wonder if that can happen, but notice how none of these are a solid confidence in your experience now. You are the only one limiting yourself to your 3D circumstances. Breaking free of this mindset can be as simple as remembering who we truly are and what our purpose on Earth is. No one knows what your individual purpose for coming here is, but just as an example, let’s say it’s to learn how to create a long lasting relationship with someone you love because that was something you failed to do in the previous life. You chose this life and consented to your current circumstances as a second try, but when you surrender your mind to what you created in the first place, it’s really just disappointing yourself for a second time when you could’ve taken this opportunity to learn. Now that was just a probable situation, and it doesn’t apply to everyone, but if you accept a new view of life and allow yourself to feel connected to infinite possibilities, doesn’t that sound much easier and more powerful than feeling stranded in a 3D world?

“How many of you would want to limit your reality, your entire reality, to the experience you now know? You do this when you imagine that your present self is your entire personality, or insist that your identity be maintained unchanged through an endless eternity.” – Seth Speaks: The Eternal Validity of the Soul

“It is not that physical reality is false. It is that the physical picture is simply one of an infinite number of ways of perceiving the various guises through which consciousness expresses itself.” – Seth Speaks: The Eternal Validity of Soul

Manifesting is effortless because it’s a decision, not a chore. If you were asked to get from Paris to Tokyo without a plane, that’s gonna take a lot of effort. You were not asked to do so. The key points to making that mental decision effortless is understanding life from a creator’s eyes + playfully using your imagination beneficially + gentle reminders that creation is finished + repeatedly making the same choice for which reality you will experience without trying to change anything in the 3D. As the Seth quote above says, your physical reality is not fake, and it’s actually a misconception to believe so. The people you meet everyday are real human beings with the same feelings and consciousness you have. However, there are many different versions of what you can experience, so your goal is to select something new. Telling yourself that 4D is the only real world and 3D is fake can lead to delusion or inner conflict when everything around you seems so real (which it is), because it could cause a spiral. If your SP left you in this reality, it does not mean that they are a fake puppet who doesn’t have a mind of their own. All it means is that your circumstances are aligned with whatever states you were dominantly entertaining, but you can change that at any moment. People often get confused with how to view the 3D because it gives them the most resistance, which brings them closer to trying rather than effortless manifesting. Your experience is made of internal selections, choices, and decisions. Choosing something better for yourself should be as easy as second nature, because who doesn’t want a better life?

“You must begin to trust yourself sometime. I suggest you do it now. If you do not then you will forever be looking to others to prove your own merit to you, and you will never be satisfied. You will always be asking others what to do, and at the same time resenting those from whom you seek such aid.” – Seth, The Nature of Personal Reality

Everyone who reads Neville and Seth should have come to the realization that we are connected to God / source. There is absolutely no power outside of you that determines your reality, so there’s really no reason for us to trust anyone but ourselves. Seeking outside help for more knowledge is a good start, but ultimately experience and application is the breakthrough moment for most people’s understanding in the Law. Nothing beats the feeling of your first major manifestation coming into fruition and you start thinking what more you can do next. Sometimes the only thing that stops you from seeing manifestation as effortless is having one foot in and one foot out. If you take a step forward but keep looking back at where you were before, then you haven’t really bought the Pearl of Great Price like Neville says. No teacher, book, guide, or video can do the mental work for you. At the end of the day your biggest motivator will and should always be yourself, because you need the drive to change your life.

Faith

When considering the best way to manifest your desires, it’s important to recognize that if you were bound to the 3d limitations of this world, many fundamental concepts such as creation is finished, infinite versions of yourself and others, different probable realities, imagination is not fiction, etc wouldn’t exist. Having an intellectual understanding of these things is not the same as feeling an emotional connection. Since the Law of Assumption places faith in breaking free of limitations and opening our minds to endless possibilities, it would also be helpful to view ourselves from a different perspective.

When people spiral over circumstances or are feeling resistance when doing techniques or returning to the state of the wish fulfilled, it is often because they lack a sense of control. They may view the current situation as solid, or their beliefs are too deeply rooted so they can’t see how the things they put attention on aren’t actually objective facts about reality. They could also feel like they are at a disadvantage, or are unsure of what to do when met with undesirable events because they aren’t finding comfort or confidence in accepting that they are actually the sole creator of their reality.

“Do not judge after the appearances of a thing. In judging after appearances you forget that all things are possible. Hypnotized as they were to the reality of appearances they could not feel the naturalness of sanity. The only way for you to avoid such failures is to constantly bear in mind that your awareness is the Almighty, all-wise presence, who without help, effortlessly out-pictures that which you are aware of being. Be perfectly indifferent to the evidence of the senses, so that you may feel the naturalness of your desire–and your desire will be realized. Turn from appearances and feel the naturalness of perfect sanity and sanity will embody itself. Your desire is the solution of your problem. As the desire is realized, the problem is dissolved.” – Neville Goddard, I Know My Father

Essentially what Neville explains in his teachings is that it is beneficial to live life from “God mode”, or in other words, a perspective where you truly are the only cause for every external materialization in the 3d world. I understand that there are many religious people who also follow manifestation content, and their beliefs may not resonate with saying “I am God”, which is perfectly fine. Ultimately the goal of this perspective is not to claim power for vanity, but to gain confidence and understanding in knowing just because you are a human, it does not mean manifestation is a powerless being trying to do magic tricks to make a miracle happen. When we view the Law as an unbelievable or difficult promise, mental dieting becomes much harder because there is a belief that prevents us from seeing things as attainable, or even effortless and naturally promised to us. The “God mode” perspective is helpful because it allows us to feel more connected with infinite possibilities that easily dissolves doubts and fears surrounding circumstances. Think about it this way, would God worry about being blocked by their person? Would God worry about not passing a job interview or not having enough money? No of course not, so you shouldn’t worry either. What you can gain from the Law of Assumption is fulfillment of your dreams and desires, so aligning your perception of yourself with someone that is easily capable of getting such things will lift a weight off your shoulders.

When you are going about life attending to your daily commitments, it can be easy to forget this perspective, because certainly anyone would look at you weirdly if you claimed “I am God and you are too”, but if you treat this as a playful reminder and an internal understanding that benefits your manifestation, it won’t feel like you’re usurping power. If you are waiting in line at the store or cooking at home and your mind wanders to the unlovely things, observe how you’re viewing yourself. Are you surrendering to physical human senses, or are you taking control by confidently returning to this new perspective?

Resistance is often defined by the emotions and thoughts we have, but if you think about where they come from, the root is always a belief. All circumstances, no matter big or small, are no trouble if you start believing in things that allow you to feel more powerful. You cannot possibly feel upset over something when you know you are connected to God and things will change because you say so. View life from the eyes of God, and your circumstances will reflect that back to you eventually.

Additionally, faith is believing in the unseen. How do you know what is unseen and what is improbable? You need to test it out. People always want to rely on others for motivation and success, but your life is your life. You have full responsibility and control over it, and there’s no excuse for anyone to stop themselves from reaching success because they always want to hear about someone else’s story first. It does not do well to compare or to worry. All the answers you need are within you. Ask yourself before you ask someone else, and learn to give yourself the willpower you need. A leap of faith is not as complicated or scary as it seems. You will gain faith after you realize this works for me, I’ve done it and now I will do it again. Joy from seeing other people’s stories will never be the same as the feeling of winning on your own. It’s understandable to question the Law after a significant period of no results, but ask yourself this question, “Have I truly changed my beliefs?” If the answer is no, then there’s no reason to doubt the Law, because you haven’t met the condition under which your 3D will reflect your desire. If the answer is yes, then that means you believe with full conviction that you already have what you want. With that being the case, then you are someone new. Why would that new version of you question where your results are? The logic of the Law is that you won’t get hurt or disappointed from applying it. Success is inevitable, and if you’re applying it properly, then there’s no reason for you to feel negative anymore.

The ''real'' world

I’m sure many people have wondered at least once in their lifetime what the meaning of life is, why are humans here, and what happens after death. There are curious minds that think about this existential question frequently, and people who don’t care about spirituality and manifestation beyond achieving their own desires. And that’s perfectly fine. People hold different beliefs all around the world. From religious ones to scientific theories, there’s always been a central question of what is the true purpose of our existence. The Law of Assumption is closely tied to metaphysical concepts such as the multiverse theory, cognitive scientific conclusions that studies how the brain / mind alters and shapes our realities, psychological perspectives on emotions and their subjectivity, etc. Manifesting is not a baseless optimistic lifestyle, nor is it confirmation bias. The Seth Material has introduced an extensive and detailed collection of works that explain how we have come to this world to experience life as humans. We are learning and evolving, shaping our realities with our thoughts, beliefs, and expectations. Seth even dives into the afterlife to explain death, afterlife choices, and other planetary existences and communities. He explains our existence:

“I am telling you that you are not a cosmic bag of bones and flesh, thrown together through some mixture of chemicals and elements. I am telling you that your consciousness is not some fiery product, formed merely accidentally through the interworkings of chemical components.” – Seth Speaks: The Eternal Validity of the Soul

For the people who found this material intriguing, some may have come to the realization that the world is quite more complex than what we can perceive right now. It is not to say that spiritual findings and beliefs should take over our daily life and affect our ways of living by completely branching off into a secluded mindset that differs from any other normal social interactions we may have. From my perspective, it’s a proposal that may be beneficial to those who are feeling lost or powerless. To recognize and embrace life as an experiential game of choices rather than an unknown path of challenges is a way to understand effortless manifesting. The most limitless we can be is always within our imagination, because it’s truly a place of possibilities, freedom, and creativity, so enjoy it.

“Suffering is not good for the soul, unless it teaches you how to stop suffering. That is its purpose.” ― Seth Speaks: The Eternal Validity of the Soul

[81folklore]

heaven - OP81 - final part

pairings: oscar piastri x private!reader (fc: gracie abrams + pinterest)

summary: on the 2 year anniversary of oscars first win in f1, everyone’s favorite couple has a surprise

type: social media au (smau)

note: well this is it!! the final part to heaven!! this ending has always been the plan and im so pleased i can finally post it, this win has been a longgg time coming and i am super stoked for oscar!!! obviously not the best race (esp for mclaren fans) but we got through it and oscar won!!!! super duper proud of my mclaren boys and i cant wait to see many more 1-2 with them!!

i honestly cant believe this is the last part to this series, this was one of the first fics i ever posted and its crazy how far its come!! to this day i get notifs that people have found the first part to this series and it blows my mind how big this has gotten. i know ive been inactive for a long time but i hope by finally finishing this fic i will find love for creating fics again!!!! love u all🩵

heaven masterlist masterlist

set 2026

youruser

liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris and 11,629 others

two years ago my best friend asked me to marry him, i said yes immediately. how could i say no to spending the rest of my life with someone i love so deeply?

today marks 6 months of him being my husband and i feel so incredibly blessed to be able to call him that, to be able to say that someone i love, loves me back just as much

but today is also the anniversary of my boys first win, which seems crazy now that he has many more under his belt but its true, its been two years since that crazy day in hungary and one that changed us forever

i have grown so much in the time we have been together and im so pleased i was able to do it with you, osc. i love you forever and always!

tagged oscarpiastri

view comments

oscarpiastri my favorite forever🤍

oscarpiastri marrying you was the best decision i have ever made

youruser my boy🌟🌟

comments on this post have been limited

oscarpiastri

liked by youruser, logansargeant and 1,382,003 others

i cant believe i get to call this gorgeous girl my wife, and i’ll be able to do so for the rest of our lives

you had never shone as brightly as on our wedding day, however youve continued to shine ever so bright since and i hope it never goes away, seeing you happy and content makes me feel like the luckiest man alive

thank you for saying yes all those years ago and thank you for trusting me with your heart, ill love you forever and always

your osc x

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youruser i love you so much osc

youruser you mean the world to me

landonorris congrats mate x

logansargeant i miss you guys :(

youruser we miss you too logie!!! we’ll be home soon and we will take you to dinner!!

logansargeant oscarpiastri promise?

oscarpiastri we promise

georgerussell63 happy for you both!

frederikvestiofficial come back soon i think logans withering away

oscarpiastri he’ll be fine for a few more days🙄

logansargeant nu huh!! i cant last much longer☹️

user66 oh my god she looks gorgeous 🥹🥹

oscarpiastri she is

user72 YOUR OSC😭😭😭😭

user6 im never getting over them☹️

user91 THEYRE MARRIED☹️☹️😭😭

user10 remember when yn said they werent getting married yet because they still had so much growing to do,, look at them now☹️

user47 i feel like everyones being too calm, WE DIDNT EVEN KNOW THEY WERE ENGAGED?!?!!?!

user64 LIKE WHY ARE WE NOT MORE SHOCKED

user22 bcs they are written in the stars and we all knew this was going to happen!!! liked by youruser

user30 yn with all the little babes oh i cant do this🥹🥹 liked by oscarpiastri

oscarpiastri

liked by youruser, lewishamilton and 1,392,027 others

17.01.2026

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lewishamilton so happy for you mate, it was a gorgeous ceremony💜

logansargeant my favorite people in the whole world

oscarpiastri we love you

logansargeant 🥹🥹 (i love you guys too)

youruser my boy forever and ever and ever

oscarpiastri 🤍🤍

landonorris you guysss😕😕

youruser love you lan!!!!

youruser

liked by oscarpiastri, yourmum 11,483 others

a story told in many parts💐

comments on this post have been limited

pinned youruser to osc, my best friend, my love, my husband i will love you until the end of time. i will hold your hand through everything and more, until death do us part x

youruser added to their story

story song added heaven by niall horan text reads: my 🏠

seen by oscarpiastri, landonorris and 12,472 others

replies

user72 OH MY FUCKING GODDDDD

user19 I CANNOT DEAL WITH YOU TWO 😔😔😔😔

user63 ur literally perfect for eachother wtfwtfwtf

user90 I FEEL SICK THIS IS SO CUTE

user6 oscar is so sweet🥹🥹

youruser the sweetest!!!!

[evie-sturns]

𝙖𝙧𝙧𝙤𝙜𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙚 - 𝙈𝙖𝙩𝙩 𝙎𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙤𝙡𝙤

summary: you and matt had previously dated for a few years until him and his brothers grew famous, where matt became arrogant and self centered. fast foward to to present, a couple years later. you have moved on from matt completly until you run into him at an influencer party, what will unfold when you approach him? will you two rekindle or will the wall stay strong between you two.

contains: angst, arguing, swearing, fluff, making out.

—---------------└─── °∘❉∘° ───┘--------———

(2 years ago)

i lay on the couch next to matt, my head resting on his shoulder as the tv rambles. hes invested in his phone, typing every few seconds.

hes been filming videos with his brothers, chris and nick, for the past year or two, and they've just hit 3 million subscribers.

matt clears his throat before moving my head off him, "i gotta talk to you, yeah?"

my eyebrows furrow, i look over at matt who has an unreadable expression on his face. I nod slowly with a hum, "i don't know how to say this, but uh-... nick chris and i have decided to move to l.a with laura."

what?

"what?" i instantly reply, my stomach drops to my knees.

"gotta chase them dreams." he shrugs casually, picking up his phone.

anger starts to bubble inside of me, why the fuck is he being so nonchalant about moving across the whole country? what am i gonna do, just be left here and forgotten about?

"what the hell matt!" i say, raising my voice and slamming the phone out of his hand, he throws his hands up defensively. "are you being fucking serious right now?" i yell, "calm down bro?" he mumbles, picking his phone back up.

i stay silent, waiting for matt to speak, or atleast a solution. he just stays silent, looking around the room. "matt, what am i gonna do." i sigh, trying to contain myself.

"uh.. not sure?" matt leans back on the couch. "like you can come with if you want but i won't really.." he pauses for a few seconds

"have time for you..? i mean we're staying in lauras apartment which doesnt have enough space anyway but you could always sleep on the couch or something."

i scoff, "so this is it?" tears start to roll down my cheeks. "if you can't handle my fame and me moving then thats not my problem." he runs a hand through his hair before standing up.

without another word I'm upstairs and packing my suitcase, I'm leaving.

(Current time)

ever since matt and i's messy breakup ive been moving around alot, i spent the first month or so living with my parents, where i started content creating on various platforms. i would be lying if i said i didn't get popular, over the past 2 years ive gained a few million followers.

a year ago today i moved to l.a, where i've been thriving.

9:38pm

"y/n come on!" i hear yolanda, my roomate, shout from downstairs, today i've been invited to a party for influencers, i think. i run downstairs in my baby pink stiletto heels. yolanda is wearing a long shimmering black dress with a large slit up to the mid thigh. "hottie" i tease as i walk past her.

"shush" she replys with a wide grin, i walk outside to find our uber waiting patiently "yoyo!" i yell back to her as she scrambles around to find her purse.

i climb into the uber, "my bad, my friends coming now."

yolanda comes running outside, swinging open the door to the uber and crawling over me. i laugh slightly at her, she glares at me while applying lip gloss.

"you okay?" i ask her, "just nervous, its weird being a plus one to a party where i know famous people will be." she replies with a breath.

"you'll be okay gorg, i have no idea whos even going so we'll just stay together hm?" i say comfortingly, watching the lively streets of l.a outside the window.

the uber comes to a stop outside a large beachside mansion, i give him a quick thankyou before grabbing yolandas hand and approaching the house. the blaring music is audible from outside the house.

we walk up the stairs together, our heels clicking in sync on the marble steps. the doors to the house are wide open, the first person i see when i come inside makes my heart drop.

christopher sturniolo

my breath hitches in my throat, theres thankfully no sight of matt, i mean hes never really been one for partys. i feel physically sick when me and chris lock eyes, i guess i look different since the last time i saw him, 2 years ago.

I haven't really thought about matt since i moved to l.a, the last person i wouldve expected to see here is his triplet brothers.

i shoot yolanda a look, she looks equally has disturbed as me.

i decide to keep navigating through the various bunches of people, i look back and yolandas gone, flirting with some random instagram male model. i scoff with a smile.

i turn my body back around, an audible gasp escapes my mouth as matt sturniolo stands infront of me,

alone.

he smiles awkwardly with a wave, he looks me up and down while he clutches the cup in his hand so tight his knuckles go white. "you look different." matt says, his voice shaking from nerves

"charming." i roll my eyes.

"no!- no i meant in a good way, i mean in a platonic way, but you look different, sorry-.. how are ya doing.." matt rambles, stammering over every word.

a small smile forms on my face, which instantly drops when i remember the events of what happened the last time i saw him. "i've been doing really good actually." i reply, nodding my head slowly.

"yeah, i saw !thats awesome you got selected for that peoples choice awa-rds..." matt says before stopping himself, i laugh slightly.

has he been stalking me? that got announced an hour ago.

"thanks matt, how have you been?" i ask, he takes a small breath "i've been good, yeah.." matt says, he clearly doesn't think the world revolves around him like how he did 2 years ago.

another silence fills the air between us, but he breaks it. "do you wanna come with me?" matt asks abruptly, my eyebrows furrow "sure?"

he reaches out a hand subtly, i take it.

he guides us through hundreds of people, yolanda eyes me down with her jaw slack, i shrug my shoulders with a smile back at her. the night hair hits my revealed skin as matt lets my hand go slowly.

"should we go sit on the sand?" i ask quietly while we walk side by side on the footpath.

-

10:12pm

matt and i have been walking side by the shoreline for a few minutes, catching up on the past 2 years of no contact

"wait so you're at 6 million?" i laugh in shock, he shakes his head with a smile "shut up!!"

"no like, congratulations matt thats really awesome."

he shrugs it off with a playful nudge to my shoulder,

the past 30 minutes or so neither of us have brought up the last time we spoke, our last interaction, the final fight. i think we both don't want to ruin what we have going on right now.

a silence forms as the ripple waves crash onto the shore, my palms are sweating from the warmth from the night. "wanna go sit up there? in the dunes?" matt asks, pointing up the beach. "oh-..oh yeah!" i agree chirpily, snapping out of my somewhat 'trance'

he leads us away from the water up into the sand dunes, the mound of sand and grass behind us acting as privacy. he flops down onto his back, laying down on the sand. I lay down close beside him, our legs touching against eachother.

"i want to talk to you about what happened that night." i blurt out softly, just from the plain moonlight i can see matts cheeks are a deep maroon. he nods "yeah." with a shaky sigh.

"i was an asshole, like proper crazy." he says in a serious tone.

"honest to god i think the fame was making me go insane, i thought i was so much better than.. everyone? i never shouldve told you like that, or moved in general" he rambles, guilt painted in his voice.

"matt, moving was best for you." i cut him off, but he instantly snaps back

"i don't think it was? i miss you so much."

i sit up, the loose sand falling off my back "and i never really moved on, i'm so grateful i found you tonight 'cause the guilt has been eating away at me, and im so sorry, i am so fucking sorry." matt mumbles slightly.

i nod understandably "i think we needed the break, i can see you've changed a lot, for the better."

matt sits up too, sand grains scattered in his brunette locks as his tongue pokes out quickly to wet his lips. his eyes stare into mine before he reaches out a hand to grab my jaw, right under my ear.

"can I kiss you?"

i nod frantically "yeah-of course"

matt leans in, his body shifting on the sand while the calm waves crash onto the shoreline.

his lips meet mine, a distant familiar feeling that i hate to admit but ive really missed, even though ive forced myself not to.

his tongue asks for enterance, which i quickly allow. his tongue slips into my mouth,

i move my hair to one side before hooking one leg over his thigh, moving my body to straddle him while keeping our lips connected.

our kiss turns from gentle, to desperate. craving what we've missed for the past 2 years.

after a well-needed few minutes, we finally pull away from each other to catch our breath. panting fills the air before he pulls me into a tight hug his arms moving over my back as i stay seated on his lap. leaning onto his chest.

"i think we should retry, everything." he matt says into my hair as i rest my chin over his shoulder

"gotta agree with you on that one matthew." i laugh, joy overpowering me.

-

"matt there you fucking are!" a familiar voice yells from a few meters away. i look up, breaking matt and i's hug.

chris and nick are standing side by side with a shocked expression on their face. "holy shit!" nick laughs,

nick used to be one of my closest friends, but after the breakup with matt and i we were forced apart, i think after his brothers caught me ontop of matt it gave them the all clear to interact with me again.

i climb off of matts lap, running across the sand towards nick before leaping into his arms, the long fabric of my dress drowning nick.

"someone please fill me in" chris says cluelessly.

matt walks over to us 3, nick puts me down "uh yeah, we are retrying stuff after a chat, a really good one actually." he says, scratching the back of his head.

"oh my god thank you y/n, matt has not shut up about you for the past 2 years holy fuck." chris says after a dramatic gasp.

-------------

this took so long to write i hope u guys really like it!

[slerixx]

iv. first date (wbk series)

synopsis. every moment spent with your significant other opens a new chapter of exploration and connection. featuring. sakura haruka, suo hayato, kaji ren, umemiya hajime x f!reader content. fluff, sfw, slight ooc (all) notes. this took so long, I'm so sorry T T  got really busy with school stuff, but please enjoy this new part! word count. 4.8k+

series masterlist | iii. confession | v. first kiss

𓍢ִ໋ sakura haruka

the glowing neon lights of the arcade reflected off the windows, creating a vibrant, almost surreal atmosphere. you stood at the entrance, nervously fidgeting with the strap of your bag as you waited for your boyfriend, sakura.

the steady hum of arcade machines filled the air with a nostalgic kind of excitement, a mix of beeping sounds and the chatter of excited players. it had been ages since you'd been in a place like this, and now here you were, on your first date with sakura, no less.

you spotted him approaching, his hands shoved deep into the pockets of his jacket. his expression, as usual, was slightly flustered, his lips drawn into a thin line as if he were trying to downplay the significance of the moment. his hair fell slightly over his eyes, which were darting around, avoiding making direct contact with yours.

“hey,” he muttered, almost too casually. "you're early."

you smiled warmly, trying to put him at ease. "i was excited," you admitted honestly. "i’ve been looking forward to this."

sakura coughed awkwardly and glanced away, his cheeks lightly flushed. "it’s just an arcade," he grumbled, trying to sound indifferent. "don’t make it a big deal."

but the small smile tugging at the corner of his lips betrayed him. you could tell he was as nervous as you were, maybe even more so. you smiled as the thought.

the two of you entered the arcade together, the atmosphere inside instantly swallowing you in its vibrant, buzzing energy. rows of game machines blinked and beeped in an almost hypnotic rhythm, and the excited shouts of players filled the air. the scent of popcorn and cotton candy wafted from a nearby concession stand, mingling with the smell of metal tokens and electronics.

you both wandered around for a bit, taking in the sights, before stopping at a claw machine filled with a variety of plush toys. you nudged sakura playfully. "wanna give it a shot? win me something cute?"

he glanced at the machine, feigning disinterest, but you could see the determination flash in his eyes. "tch, easy," he said, cracking his knuckles for effect. "i’ve got this."

sakura stepped up to the machine, inserting a coin with a flourish, his fingers hovering over the controls. his gaze was sharp, his focus intense as he maneuvered the claw toward a particularly adorable plush cat nestled among the other prizes. you watched, holding your breath, as the claw descended slowly.

for a brief moment, it caught the toy’s head perfectly, lifting it up into the air. but then, just as quickly, it slipped free, tumbling back down into the pile of stuffed animals.

sakura's face turned a shade darker, his eyes narrowing. "huh?! this machine is rigged," he declared, his voice laced with annoyance.

you couldn't help but giggle at his reaction, and he shot you a quick, indignant look before his expression softened slightly. "okay, fine," he muttered, pulling out another coin. "i’ll get it this time."

he tried again, and after a few tense seconds, the claw finally caught hold of the plush cat securely, pulling it toward the chute. when the toy dropped with a satisfying thud, sakura quickly retrieved it, handing it to you with a huff. his gaze remained on the side as he mumbled, "here. it’s yours."

you took the plush cat, your heart fluttering at the gesture. "thank you, sakura," you said, blushing as you smile warmly at him. "it's really cute."

he shrugged, his cheeks slightly pink again. "it's nothing," he replied, trying to brush off the moment. "let’s just keep going."

the two of you wandered deeper into the arcade, trying out different games together. you challenged each other at rhythm games, laughing as you both fumbled to keep up with the rapid beats of the music. sakura, though normally so composed, was clearly struggling with the rhythm and precision of the game, making you laugh so hard that you almost missed half the notes yourself.

next, you found yourselves at a shooting game, where sakura's competitive side truly shone. his sharp reflexes and precise aim helped him rack up points effortlessly. he glanced over at you with a smirk, teasing, "try to keep up."

you playfully stuck your tongue out at him but secretly admired how serious he got during the game. there was something fascinating about seeing this new side of him—the quiet intensity, the focus, all masked behind that usual facade of indifference. by the end of the game, he had clearly beaten you, but not without sneaking a glance at you every now and then to make sure you were still having fun.

after a few more rounds of different games, you both found yourselves at a racing simulator. the large, side-by-side cabinets beckoned you, and you eagerly took your place in the driver's seat, ready to challenge sakura again.

"think you can beat me?" you teased, your hands gripping the steering wheel.

sakura shot you a sideways glance, his lips curling into a faint smirk. "i’ll go easy on you," he said, though the glint in his eyes suggested otherwise.

the race began, and you were instantly absorbed in the game. you focused on the track, your hands moving instinctively as you drifted around corners and dodged obstacles. but sakura was fast—his car speeding past yours with seemingly effortless precision.

determined not to let him win so easily, you pushed your skills to the limit. on the final lap, with the finish line in sight, you managed to slip past him in a well-timed maneuver, crossing the line just moments before he did.

"yes!" you cheered, throwing your hands up in triumph. "i actually won!"

sakura stared at the screen in disbelief, then turned to you with an expression of mock indignation. but before he could say anything, a small, rare laugh escaped him—a sound so genuine and unexpected that it caught you off guard.

"not bad," he admitted, his smile lingering for a moment longer than usual. "guess you’re better at this than i thought."

you grinned back, feeling a warmth spread through your chest at the sight of his genuine smile. "and you're not as tough as you pretend to be," you teased lightly.

sakura quickly averted his gaze, the flush on his cheeks deepening. "whatever," he muttered, trying to regain his composure. "let’s grab some food or something."

as you both left the arcade, the neon lights of the arcade glowed behind you, fading into the background as you walked down the street side by side. the plush cat was tucked securely under your arm, a sweet reminder of the night. despite sakura’s usual standoffish demeanor, the small moments of warmth and laughter between you had made the evening feel like something special.

you glanced at him out of the corner of your eye. sakura walked close beside you, hands once again in his pockets, but there was a quiet contentment in his posture that hadn’t been there before. and though he might never admit it, you knew he had enjoyed himself just as much as you had.

"thanks for tonight," you said softly, feeling the need to express your gratitude. "it was fun."

sakura’s shoulders tensed slightly, and for a moment, you thought he might brush it off. but then he glanced at you, his face softer than you’d ever seen it.

"yeah," he said quietly, the pink in his cheeks returning. "it was."

and as you walked side by side into the evening, you couldn't help but feel that this date had brought you closer to the real sakura—past the tsundere exterior and into something deeper, something more meaningful. this was just the beginning of a connection you both could feel growing, one step at a time.

𓍢ִ໋ suo hayato

the sun hung low in the sky, casting a golden glow over the rolling hills of the park. the gentle breeze carried the scent of freshly cut grass and blooming flowers. as you walked along the path, basket in hand, your heart beat with a mix of excitement and nerves. you glanced at suo, who walked beside you with his usual calm and easy smile, his single visible eye gleaming with quiet amusement.

"are you nervous?" suo asked softly, his tone teasing but gentle as always. his voice was like a soft melody, so relaxed that it instantly put you at ease.

you chuckled, brushing a loose strand of hair behind your ear. "maybe a little," you admitted, feeling a slight warmth in your cheeks. "but in a good way."

suo's smile widened just a fraction as he looked at you, his gaze filled with a warmth that made your heart skip a beat. "good," he said lightly. "i was worried i might be the only one."

you raised an eyebrow, playfully narrowing your eyes at him. "you? nervous? i find that hard to believe."

suo laughed quietly, a soft chuckle that seemed to resonate in the air around you. "i have my moments," he said, his tone almost conspiratorial, as if sharing a secret. "but i hide it well, don’t i?"

you rolled your eyes but couldn’t help the smile that tugged at your lips. he always had this way of making everything feel light and effortless, as if he carried the whole world on his shoulders but never let it weigh him down.

finally, the two of you found the perfect spot—a small clearing under a large oak tree, with dappled sunlight filtering through the leaves. suo spread out the picnic blanket, smoothing out the edges while you set down the basket. you began to unpack the food with meticulous care, laying out sandwiches, fruit, and some homemade sweets you’d prepared the night before.

"wow," suo said with a hint of admiration in his voice, eyeing the spread before him. "you really outdid yourself. are you trying to impress me?"

you smiled, feeling a little bashful. "maybe," you teased, glancing at him. "is it working?"

suo chuckled again, his eye gleaming with amusement. "i’m already impressed," he said smoothly, reaching for one of the sandwiches and taking a bite out of it. "this is really good."

you both settled down on the blanket, the afternoon sun casting a warm glow around you. the park was quiet, with only the occasional chirping of birds or the distant laughter of children playing nearby. it was a peaceful setting, perfect for a first date that felt intimate and relaxed.

as you nibbled on your food, you found yourself drawn into easy conversation with suo. he had a way of making you feel comfortable, as if every word you said was worth listening to. you talked about everything and nothing—how beautiful the day was, your favorite books and movies, and even a few funny anecdotes from your time in makochi. suo would occasionally offer a witty comment or a gentle tease, making you laugh more than you had expected to.

at one point, suo leaned back against the tree, his gaze drifting to the sky above. the late afternoon sunlight filtered through the branches, casting dappled shadows across his face. you admired the way the light softened his features, his usual calm expression now relaxed and peaceful.

"this is nice," he said quietly, his voice almost a murmur. "i could get used to this."

you smiled, leaning back beside him, feeling the warmth of the sun on your skin. "i’m glad," you said softly. "i wanted today to be something we’d both remember."

suo glanced at you, his expression softening. "you’ve already made it memorable," he said, his voice filled with sincerity. "just by being here."

your heart fluttered at his words, the warmth in his gaze making you feel like the luckiest person in the world. suo wasn’t one to be overly expressive with his emotions, but when he did let his guard down, it was always in a way that made your heart swell.

as the two of you finished eating, you packed away the remains of the picnic, leaving the blanket spread out so you could relax for a while longer. suo lay back on the blanket, his hand reaching for yours as you lay beside him, your head on his chest. his fingers intertwined with yours, the simple gesture bringing a sense of comfort and closeness.

the sky above had begun to shift, the soft hues of blue fading into shades of pink and orange as the sun began to set. the air was cooler now, but the warmth of suo’s hand in yours kept you grounded.

"i can’t believe you made all of this," suo said after a few moments of quiet, his tone filled with admiration. "you didn’t have to go to all that trouble."

you turned your head to look at him, smiling softly. "it wasn’t trouble," you said gently. "i wanted to do something special for you. for us."

suo’s gaze softened even more as he looked at you, his thumb brushing lightly over your knuckles. "you’re something else," he murmured, his voice full of affection. "always thinking about others."

you blushed slightly, feeling the sincerity in his words. "i just wanted today to be perfect," you said softly.

"it is," suo replied, his voice low but certain. "because i’m here with you."

the simplicity of his words made your heart swell with emotion. there was something so natural, so effortless about being with suo—like everything just fell into place when you were together. you felt safe with him, like you could be yourself without any pretenses.

as the sun dipped lower in the sky, casting long shadows across the park, you found yourself feeling content in a way you hadn’t expected. this moment—just you and suo, lying together under the trees, your hands still entwined—felt like the beginning of something truly special. something that would only grow stronger with time.

suo shifted slightly, pulling the back of your hands closer to his lips to put a light kiss on it. "thank you for today," he whispered, his lips brushing against your skin. "for everything."

you smiled, feeling a warmth spread through you. "anytime," you whispered back, your heart full of love and gratitude for the person beside you.

and as the evening light faded into twilight, you knew that this picnic wasn’t just a first date—it was a moment that would stay with you forever, a reminder of the love and connection you shared with suo.

𓍢ִ໋ kaji ren

the quiet, almost reverent atmosphere of the museum wrapped around you like a soft blanket as you walked alongside kaji.

it was your first official date as a couple, and kaji had chosen a museum—something thoughtful, calming, and intimate. you had always known he wasn’t one for grand gestures or flashy outings, and this felt perfect. the two of you could enjoy each other’s company without the distractions of the outside world.

kaji had been unusually quiet since you arrived, his gaze focused on the various paintings that adorned the walls of the exhibition. though you were used to his reserved nature, you could sense an underlying nervousness in him today. it was subtle—barely noticeable in the way his hands fidgeted slightly in his pockets, or how he seemed to be paying extra attention to the art, almost as if he was trying to distract himself.

you glanced at him, a small smile playing at your lips as you admired his serious expression. "you’re really taking this all in, aren’t you?" you teased lightly.

kaji blinked, momentarily startled out of his concentration. his eyes flicked to you, and a faint blush colored his cheeks. "ah… yeah," he mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck. "just… trying to appreciate it, i guess."

you couldn’t help but chuckle softly at how adorably flustered he looked. "you don’t have to try so hard, you know," you said gently. "i’m just happy being here with you."

kaji’s blush deepened at your words, and he looked away, clearly embarrassed. "i know," he muttered. "i just… wanted to make this special for you."

your heart warmed at his sincerity. you knew how much he cared, even if he wasn’t the best at expressing it. reaching out, you gently took his hand in yours, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "it is special," you said softly. "because i’m with you."

kaji’s gaze flicked back to you, and for a moment, his usual guarded expression softened. his grip tightened around your hand, "you always know what to say," he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper.

after that, the two of you continued your tour of the museum, strolling through the various galleries and admiring the art on display. as you paused in front of a large painting—a serene landscape of a distant countryside—kaji stood beside you, his arm brushing against yours. there was a comfortable silence between you, the kind that didn’t need to be filled with words. just being together was enough.

after a few moments, kaji shifted slightly, and you noticed him pulling out his phone from his pocket. you raised an eyebrow, curious as to what he was doing.

"what are you up to?" you asked playfully.

kaji froze for a moment, his expression caught somewhere between embarrassed and sheepish. "nothing," he said quickly, shoving the phone back into his pocket. but the slight redness in his ears betrayed him.

you narrowed your eyes, a grin tugging at the corners of your lips. "were you… taking a picture of me?"

kaji’s blush deepened, and he avoided your gaze. "no," he muttered, clearly flustered.

you couldn’t help but laugh softly at his reaction. "it’s okay, kaji," you teased, leaning a little closer to him. "you don’t have to be embarrassed. i think it’s sweet."

he groaned, clearly uncomfortable with being caught. "i just… you looked nice," he mumbled, finally glancing at you out of the corner of his eye. "didn’t want to forget it."

your heart melted at his words, and you couldn’t help but smile warmly at him. "you’re really something, you know that?"

kaji looked away again, trying to hide his embarrassment, but you could see the small pleased smile tugging at his lips. he was always so tough and stoic on the outside, but moments like this reminded you of the softer, more vulnerable side of him. the side that wasn’t always easy to see, but was all the more precious because of it.

as the two of you continued to walk through the museum, kaji’s nerves seemed to ease a little. he began to point out certain paintings that caught his attention, sharing his thoughts with you in that quiet, straightforward way of his. you could tell he was more relaxed now, more at ease in your presence, and it made your heart swell with affection.

at one point, you found yourselves in front of a particularly striking painting—a vivid portrait of a stormy sea, with crashing waves and dark clouds swirling overhead. kaji stared at it for a long moment, his brow furrowed in thought.

"this one’s… intense," he said quietly.

you nodded in agreement, taking in the painting’s raw energy. "yeah, it really captures that feeling of chaos," you said. "but there’s something beautiful about it too, don’t you think?"

kaji glanced at you, his expression thoughtful. "i guess," he murmured. "even in the middle of all that chaos, there’s still… something there. something that pulls you in."

you smiled softly at his words, finding them unexpectedly poetic. "that’s a good way of putting it," you said gently. "it’s like life, in a way. even when things get messy or overwhelming, there’s always something worth holding onto."

kaji looked at you then, his gaze intense yet tender. for a moment, the two of you stood there, locked in each other’s eyes, and the weight of your words seemed to hang in the air between you.

"you’re really good at seeing the beauty in things," he said quietly, his voice full of admiration. "even when it’s hard to see."

your heart warmed at his words, the sincerity of his tone making you feel deeply appreciated. "maybe it’s because you help me see it," you whispered back, a small, tender smile on your lips.

kaji’s gaze lingered on yours, and though he didn’t say anything more, the connection between you spoke volumes. he reached out, his hand reaching out to pull you closer to him—a simple, grounding gesture that was full of unspoken emotion. you smiled at him in return, feeling the depth of his care and the quiet reassurance of his hand in yours.

as the museum visit came to a close, the two of you made your way outside, the cool evening air wrapping around you. kaji still held your hand, his grip steady and comforting. you felt a sense of peace settle over you as you walked together, side by side. this date had been everything you could have hoped for—thoughtful, meaningful, and filled with small, significant moments that made you feel even closer to him.

"you know," kaji said softly as you walked, his voice carrying a hint of warmth, "i’m really glad we did this. it feels right."

you looked up at him, your heart swelling with affection. "me too," you said with a smile. "i wouldn’t have wanted to spend today with anyone else."

kaji’s lips curved into a small but genuine smile—a rare sight that made your heart flutter. he squeezed your hand gently, his touch full of reassurance, and the two of you continued walking into the evening, the bond between you growing stronger with every step you took together.

𓍢ִ໋ umemiya hajime

the crisp evening air carried a hint of anticipation as you prepared for a special night in your cozy new apartment, nestled near your grandparents' house. the space, although modest, had become a warm sanctuary for you, and tonight, it was set to host a momentous occasion.

this evening was different from the friendly hangouts you and umemiya had shared over the years. this time, it was your first date as a couple, and you wanted everything to be just right. you had spent the afternoon carefully arranging the living room to create the perfect movie date atmosphere.

soft, fluffy pillows were scattered around the floor, creating a comfortable lounging area, while a pile of cozy blankets was draped over the couch to ensure maximum comfort. the coffee table was cleared and transformed into a delightful display of snacks: freshly popped popcorn, a colorful assortment of candies, and a couple of chilled sodas. you had even selected a movie that you thought would be the ideal blend of romance and comedy, aiming to make the evening both enjoyable and memorable.

as you made final adjustments to the setup, you found yourself repeatedly checking the time. the anticipation of the evening was almost palpable. the doorbell rang, and your heart skipped a beat. you took a deep breath to calm your nerves before opening the door, revealing umemiya standing there, dressed casually with his hair down, holding a bouquet of flowers and a bag of snacks.

his warm smile and the glint in his eyes made your heart flutter. “hello, my love,” he greeted, his voice carrying a note of excitement. “i brought a little something for our first date!”

he handed the bouquet to you, and you marveled at the soft petals of the vibrant tulips and roses. “these are beautiful, ume. thank you so much!” you said, feeling a rush of gratitude.

he gave a modest shrug, his smile widening. “i thought they’d add a special touch to our evening. and i wasn’t sure what you had planned, so i brought a few snacks as well.”

you led him inside, and he set the bag of snacks down on the coffee table. the aroma of the freshly popped popcorn filled the room, mingling with the subtle fragrance of the flowers.

“you didn’t have to bring so much, but i appreciate it,” you voiced, arranging the flowers in a vase and placing them in the center of the table. the vibrant colors of the bouquet added a touch of elegance to the cozy setup.

with everything in place, you both settled onto the couch, the atmosphere filled with a mix of excitement and nervousness. as you opened the bag of snacks, umemiya glanced around, taking in the cozy setup with a look of genuine admiration.

“this looks amazing!” he exclaimed, reaching for a handful of popcorn. “you really went all out for our first date.”

“i wanted it to be special,” you replied, smiling at his enthusiasm while opening a bottle of soda. “it’s our first time as a couple, after all. i thought it deserved a little extra effort.”

he chuckled and playfully pinched you on the cheek. you giggled at his affectionate gesture before grabbing the remote and pressing play. as the movie began, the room was soon bathed in the soft glow of the tv screen, accompanied by the gentle sound of laughter from the film.

umemiya was attentive, making comments about the scenes and sharing his thoughts, which made the experience even more enjoyable. his insights and witty remarks kept you entertained and laughing. it was clear how much he cherished these moments with you, as his eyes sparkled with genuine interest.

as the night progressed, you found yourselves leaning closer, the comfort of the shared space drawing you nearer. umemiya’s arm brushed against yours, and a gentle warmth spread through you. this simple touch was a new kind of intimacy, signaling a deeper connection between you.

after a brief hesitation, umemiya decided to drape his arm over your shoulder, pulling you closer to his side. the warmth of his body against yours was comforting, and you felt a soft smile spread across your face while umemiya bit his lip, trying to contain his emotions.

“did you ever think we’d end up here?” umemiya asked softly during a quieter moment in the movie as you rested your head on his shoulder.

you looked up at him, a smile playing on your lips. “honestly, i didn’t know. but i’m really happy we did. it feels right.”

he smiled back, his eyes reflecting a mix of affection and relief. “me too. it’s nice to finally be here, together like this.”

the movie continued, but your focus was equally divided between him and the screen. you found yourself noticing the small details—how his eyes crinkled when he laughed, how comfortable he looked nestled among the pillows with you in his arms, and how his presence filled the room with warmth. the sound of his steady breathing and the occasional rustle of the blankets created a sense of serene intimacy.

after the movie ended, you realized that you had both ended up tangled in each other’s arms. the snacks were nearly finished, and the gentle hum of the city outside provided a soothing backdrop to your relaxed conversation. the lights were dimmed, adding to the ambiance of the evening.

“thanks for making this evening so special,” umemiya said, his voice carrying a note of sincerity. “i’ve really enjoyed it.”

“i’m glad you did,” you replied, feeling a flutter of happiness. “i’ve had a great time too. it’s been perfect.”

as you both tidied up, umemiya offered to help with the cleanup. the shared task felt natural and easy, and his interactions with you showed just how much he valued the time spent together. you worked together efficiently, exchanging playful comments and enjoying each other’s company.

standing by the door as he prepared to leave, umemiya turned to you with a tender smile. “i’m looking forward to more evenings like this with you, my love.”

“me too,” you said, feeling a sense of contentment. “i can’t wait to see you again, ume.”

he pulled you into a gentle hug, his warmth enveloping you in a comforting embrace. “goodnight, my love. i’ll see you soon,” he whispered in your ear, his breath warm against your skin.

you nodded, feeling a twinge of sadness at the thought of him leaving. however, you had made a promise to your grandparents, so reluctantly, you both parted from the hug. umemiya walked backward while waving at you as he left, his smile lingering. you waved back, closing the door once he was out of sight.

you looked around your apartment, now quiet and still, and felt a deep sense of satisfaction. the night had marked a significant step in your relationship with umemiya, and you were excited about the future. you knew that moments like these would be the foundation of something beautiful and enduring, and you couldn’t wait to see where this new path would lead.

as you tidied up the remaining snacks and turned off the lights, you reflected on the evening's special moments. the soft glow of the city lights through the window and the lingering scent of the bouquet filled the room with a sense of tranquility. you felt a profound sense of happiness, knowing that this night had set the stage for many more cherished memories to come.

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[harrysgal]

I DIG YOUR CINEMA (4)

harry styles x yn aspiring filmmaker — social media AU

I am actually a little bit nervous about this part, so I hope you enjoy it.

About the smau: yn starts posting videos on youtube and is trying to build a career as a filmmaker. Things are going pretty well for her and she starts getting more attention when she creates content about shows she goes to. She’s also a fan of Harry’s music and some of his fans start getting suspicious when his team starts interacting with her.

Disclaimer: The story it’s set in 2021 and it will follow their relationship through the LOT leg in the US. Since this is nothing but fiction, I will be following some of the real timeline but also adding my own stuff. On top of that, I won’t be basing myself on Harry’s actual posts.

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PART 3 — DENVER // MASTERLIST

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I DIG YOUR CINEMA (PART 4) — THE VIDEO

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liked by bestfriend, anthonypham, mollyjane_x and 59,302 others 

yourinstagram im sorry its taken me so long to show up. i thought time would give me the ability to find some words to say, but as it turns out im much better at telling things through a camera than through a pen (or a keyboard, in this case). when i posted my first video on youtube, all i wanted was to find myself again after finally getting free from a relationship that drained the fun out of me. making movies is something that ive always been passionate about, so i thought — why not? three months later, when i posted my first video at a concert, all i wanted was to tell the story of a woman who, after raising two kids and giving everything she had to make everyone around her happy and safe, finally had the opportunity to make one of her most “innocent” dreams (seeing shania twain) come true. fast forward to this week, as i post my latest video all i want is to tell the story of a man who has the entire world in the palm of his hand and yet lives his life as if he’s merely another ordinary soul on earth. what happens now, and what you do with this story (or with any other ive already told), its not up to me anymore. 

that all being said, thank you harry for trusting me with this story. it wasn’t mine to tell, but you allowed me to do it anyway and i’ll always be grateful for that. so, again, thank you. 

ok i will stop typing now. 

actually, im just gonna add that i hope you all enjoy this video as much as i do (but if you don’t, thats fair, and i’ll accept it just as much) 

ok, now im done :) 

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lookitsnyoh 👑👑👑👑👑 harryfan9 this was so much more than we’ve asked for 🙏🙏🙏 user1 its been almost 24 hours since you posted this video and im still 😲!! YOU’RE INCREDIBLE  user5 absolutely amazing! unexpected, captivating, touching… 10/10! yourbrother Kinda sucks that I don’t even feel like teasing you this time. I’m just proud.

↳ sisterinlaw Printed and framed already. ↳ yourinstagram … i dont even know what to say right now ↳ yourinstagram ＠sisterinlaw i’ll need a copy of that pls 

harryfan your mind is so brilliant im so in love with this and i know i speak for the entire fandom when i say: THANK YOU 😭

↳ harryfan5 no really bc we’re so used to getting practically nothing that she coulve just done anything and we would’ve still died… and yet she gave us THIS?  ↳ harryfan7 yn deserves the best in life period ↳ harryfan54 c’mon… it’s not THAT good

harrystyles 😲 so this was my story you were telling? 

↳ yourinstagram i kept my side of the promise, didnt i? you were supposed to keep yours ↳ harrystyles fair enough. you’re welcome x  ↳ yourinstagram 😌😌😌😌😌 ↳ yourinstagram thank you ↳ harrystyles you’re welcome x ↳ harryfan25 OMFGDSGFUAGFBH ↳ harryfan11 ＠yourinstagram ＠harrystyles sorry guys do you want us to leave you two alone?  ↳ harryfan51 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭  ↳ harryfan17 wdym you kept your side of the promise??? what did you promise????? what is it?????

harryfan10 pls we need more harry content already  user7 Don’t go missing again, we miss you here! 

Sep 9, 2021 •

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liked by yourinstagram, bestfriend, jefezoff and 5,187,031 others

harrystyles I’m honored to say ＠yourinstagram has turned the beginning of this new chapter into a lovely short-movie, one you can watch right now on her youtube channel. 

Thank you Yn for being so caring and respectful about everything and everyone involved in this project. To watch this idea turn into reality has been nothing but inspiring. 

Welcome to the team, it’s too late to back out now. x

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bestfriend this moment is all mine. 20+ years of friendship are FINALLY paying off. 

↳ user3 you’re so unserious i love it fgajdujn ↳ yourinstagram im doing it just for you <3

harryfan5 noooooo I can’t do this my heart can’t take it pls stop 😭😭 harryfan23 I CANT BELIEVE YNS FIRSTS WORDS TO HIM WERE SHUT THE FUCK UP HAHAHAHAHA  annetwist What a wonderful job you’ve done dear ＠yourinstagram 🥰

↳ yourinstagram ❤️ ↳ harryfan54 🙄

harryfan66 who are you and what have you done to the real harry? 🧐

↳ harryfan14 for real tho lmao  ↳ harryfan74 yup. ive been saying it: another strategy just to get a random famous on harrys back. as usual.

harryfan9 NOT HARRY EXPOSING THE FIRST TIME THEY TALKED????

↳ harryfan3 and the fact that HE texted her first???  ↳ harryfan9 pls!!! molly gave me your nUmBeR 🤪🤪

harryfan15 oh you’re so sick for this AHDUAJHDJ  yourinstagram THOSE messages? REALLY???

↳ harrystyles I’ve been explicitly forbidden to post a picture with you so I had to improvise.  ↳ yourinstagram ok but did you also have to conveniently leave my next message out of it? ↳ harrystyles Yes x. 

Sep 9, 2021 •

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PART 5: FROM SAN ANTONIO

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[rubycruzin4abruzin]

Forbidden Crown - IV

Summary: Your dreaded twentieth birthday has finally arrived, and you and your parents set off to Tir Asleen for one final time to plan your wedding to Prince Airk. However, at the celebration dinner, Sorsha delivers some shocking news, sending Kit into a spiral and creating conflict within the castle.

Pairing: kit tanthalos x princess!reader

Contains: angst, fighting, kissing, non-explicit mention of vomiting, forced marriage trope, mommy issues

Word Count: 3.6k

A/N: this was supposed to be the smut chapter, but I decided to divide the two, since it seemed odd to add sexy time to such a dark chapter. Apologies in advance for all the angst, I promise it won’t last forever!

Ever since your mother’s announcement of your engagement, each birthday after your fifteenth seemed to creep up, startling you out of nowhere and filling your stomach with existential dread. The once joyous celebrations now felt like ticking time bombs, every well-wish serving as a countdown to a life you never wanted.

On the morning of your twentieth birthday, you woke up to nothing but nausea. When your handmaiden entered your room to get you ready for the day, she found you kneeled over your chamberpot, heaving up the shallow remains of your stomach's content. Needless to say, your twentieth birthday was spent hidden under your covers, drinking ginger tea and being waited on hand-and-foot.

Alas, it was only a matter of time before you began to feel better. After several days of sickness, your body had nothing more to heave. The moment some color started to return to your pale cheeks, your parents ushered you into the carriage and set off for Tir Asleen, where you would stay for two months while preparing for your wedding to Prince Airk Tanthalos.

As usual, the road to Tir Asleen was long and slow. You tried to numb yourself to your parents' endless chatter, but your mother decided to fuss over your appearance throughout the entire trip, as if you were a child again.

“This is the first time you’ve seen your fiancé in five years,” she would say. “You’ve grown into a lovely young woman since, it is important for Airk to notice!”

Your cheeks instinctually puffed out at the word ‘fiancé,’ but your stomach was so empty from the long illness that nothing could come up even if it wanted to. Instead, you opted for tucking your head in between your knees, closing your eyes and muffling all unwanted noise from the outside world.

Eventually, the gentle clip-clop of the carriage horse faded as you reached the front of the Tir Asleen castle. You uncovered your head and allowed your parents to exit first, using the extra seconds to let your blood flow redistribute itself.

After hearing the sound of your mother squealing pleasantries from outside, you decided to make your presence known. You stepped out of the carriage to see your mother engulfing Airk in a bear hug, showering him with words of flattery while he chuckled nervously and tried to mask his discomfort. Your father, who had been exchanging formalities with Queen Sorsha, was now gently patting his wife’s back, attempting to subtly pry her off the poor boy.

While you stood watching the amusing display from your family, you didn’t even notice Kit approaching you from behind, wrapping her arms around your waist and leaning into your ear.

“Good morrow, beautiful.” She whispered, her warm breath against your neck causing you to shudder involuntarily.

“Beautiful?” You giggled. “Be careful, our parents' eyes could be upon us.”

“Nonsense,” she replied, planting a soft kiss on your jawline. “They’re much too focused on my brother. It’s just one of the benefits of being the black sheep of the family.”

Sure enough, Kit was right. Your father had managed to successfully pry your mother away from Airk, and now both your parents were bombarding him with questions about his life the last five years while Sorsha stood proudly beside him.

With one final squeeze, Kit loosened her grasp until you could turn around to get a good look at her. She had always been pretty, at least in your eyes, but over the years had grown into a stunning young lady. Her hair was no longer a muddy indigo black, but rather restored back to her natural chocolate-brown, and styled akin to the tresses of woodland sprites. She had grown into herself, with her face defined by striking cheekbones and eyes that seemed to get bluer with every visit. The fabric of her tunic clung to her skin, accentuating every new curve as well as the definition on her upper arms, muscular from combat training.

Before you could even begin to speak, Kit placed her hands on either side of your head and ran them through your hair, gazing down at you lovingly. “Truly, beautiful.”

“I do apologize for her appearance, Prince Airk! She doesn’t usually look this dreadful! She’s been terribly ill!”

You turned around to see your mother leading Airk over to you, speaking loudly about your demeanor. Any confidence inspired by Kit vanished at her harsh remarks, and you drew into yourself.

“Good morrow, Princess,” Airk greeted you with an awkward bow and a tight-lipped smile. Ever since you audibly gagged and ran off after taking his first kiss, the two of you hadn’t necessarily spoken.

You cleared your throat, offering back a perfunctory curtsy. “And to you as well.”

“My, my! Someone has grown quite slender!” Sorsha’s voice called out, approaching the four of you with your father in tow.

You looked down at yourself. Sure enough, your ailment had withered you away, making your once perfectly-fitting gown now hang off you like the tendrils of a willow tree. Your mother noticed this too, because she immediately inserted herself between you and Airk to resume nitpicking your appearance.

“Oh, I’m terribly sorry, Airk and Sorsha! My daughter has had an illness. She’s feeling well now, but she still looks absolutely dreadful! I’m sure her gowns will fit right in due time, but…” she turned her attention towards your face. “…darling! Your complexion! You resemble a ghostly wight! Couldn’t you have bothered to apply a touch of rouge?”

“You’ve raised a beautiful daughter, your highness.” Kit stepped to your side and snaked her arm around your waist. Your breath hitched at her touch, and you worried your parents may catch on to your secret with how bold she was being. Still, you tried to hide the blush that crept onto your cheeks after she stood up for you.

Your mother looked between you and Kit, and you could've sworn you saw her eyes flicker with a hint of suspicion. However, she simply grimaced in Kit’s direction, offering pleasantries purely for display. “Yes, well, much obliged, Kit.”

Kit responded with a grin that was polite, yet cocky. Your mother cleared her throat, quickly recomposing herself before taking your hand and joining it with Airk’s.

“I must say, you two, I am absolutely elated for this union! A royal wedding, why I don’t believe I’ve attended one since my own! The two of you make a very attractive pair.”

Airk forced a grin in your direction, looking down at your conjoined hands instead of at you. As your mother continued to ramble on about the party planning, you peered over Airk’s shoulder and noticed a blond girl standing in the distance, carrying a serving tray, and glaring daggers into your soul…

“That would be Muffin Girl,” Kit explained later that day when you asked about the mysterious blond. The two of you had managed to break away from the group long enough to take a leisurely stroll through the Tir Asleen gardens.

“Muffin Girl?” You inquired.

“That or Miss Muffin, whichever you’d prefer.”

You shot her a quizzical expression, causing her to chuckle heartily. “Well it’s not her real name, clearly. She’s one of the kitchen maids, and her signature dish are these buttered muffins she serves at breakfast.”

“She was glaring at me earlier while my mother discussed wedding plans,” you said. “I almost thought she would break her tray in half.”

Kit hummed in agreement. “Jealousy. It makes sense. She is my brother's latest lover.”

“Pardon?” You froze in your tracks, eyes wide and mouth agape.

Kit leaned back against a tree, crossing her arms and gazing at you with a pointed brow. “I hate to inform you, Princess, but my brother has become quite the ladies’ man since your ‘dalliance’ in the courtyard. Muffin Girl is just his latest conquest.”

You couldn’t believe your ears. Sure, you didn’t love Airk, or were even remotely attracted to him, but he was still your betrothed.

Kit smirked at your stunned expression. “Surely you’re not jealous, are you?” She moved closer until her face was mere inches from yours. “I can’t imagine it would drive you mad. My brother, your fiancé, rolling around in the grass with a scullion? Cheeks flushed, legs intertwined, her leaving little bruises on his…”

You cut her off with a playful smack on the shoulder. “Hold your tongue, Tanthalos.” She giggled at her lighthearted taunts, causing a smile to spread across your face. “I’m not jealous, rather shocked. He’s engaged… to me… and Queen Sorsha is allowing this affair?”

With another chuckle, Kit teasingly ruffled your hair. “Oh Princess… you really assume my mother is at all aware?”

You gasped, leaning in closer to Kit to whisper. “She doesn’t know?”

“I’m sure she suspects something, what with the aforementioned bruises, but knowing my mother, she’d rather stay with the mindset that her son is still a moralistic virgin.”

Kit pulled you in closer, pressing your body against hers until your noses barely brushed together. “I suppose this is just one more secret between us, don’t you think Princess?”

You giggled, quickly making sure the coast was clear before wrapping your arms around her neck and pulling her in for a sweet kiss.

That evening, the six of you gathered for a hearty supper to celebrate your reunion. Servants bustled about carrying various dishes, including the mysterious ‘muffin girl.’ You couldn’t help but observe the longing glances exchanged between her and Airk, lingering between each course like a seed caught between teeth.

Just as you and Kit were stifling a laugh over their latest lust-filled gaze, Queen Sorsha rose, tapping silverware against her raised glass. The table quieted, all eyes fixed on the regal woman as you awaited her speech.

“Friends, family,” she began. “I am pleased that we’ve all gathered here this evening to begin wedding plans for the Prince of Tir Asleen and the Princess of Azarenth.”

Your parents clapped excitedly. Airk stared down at his lap while you and Kit exchanged vexed glances.

“Even more pleased,” Sorsha continued. “That the forthcoming ceremony will feature an extra element, making it a profoundly rare occasion!”

Her words puzzled you, and a quick look around the table confirmed that the twins seemed just as confused. Your parents however, shared knowing grins, clearly in on the secret.

“The King and Queen of Azarenth have graciously agreed to turn their daughter’s wedding into a double wedding!” Sorsha turned to meet her daughter’s gaze. “Kit…”

You whipped around to face Kit, who stared at her mother, frozen, her expression a mixture of confusion and fear. “You remember when we discussed the Prince of Galladoorn, don’t you?”

Kit nodded. “Sure we discussed him, but then he fell out of a tree and died, right?”

“Kit!” Sorsha scolded before quickly recomposing herself. “It’s true, Dermot Hastur had an untimely death,” she held her glass to her heart solemnly. “However, it appears Galladoorn is still interested in an alliance, and King Hastur has a younger son, Graydon.”

Your heart dropped as you realized what Sorsha was saying. Glancing back at Kit, you saw her face now stricken with terror. “Mother… no…”

Ignoring her daughter, Sorsha simply raised her glass again. “It’s my pleasure to announce the engagement of Prince Graydon Hastur to my daughter, Princess Kit Tanthalos!”

“No!” Kit exclaimed.

“What?” The shriek came from a disembodied voice. Only after you received shocked expressions from each member of the table did you realize the voice was yours.

Your mother squinted at you, the corners of her mouth flickering sardonically. “My dear, I didn’t expect you to be upset at sharing the limelight! After all, you and Kit are such good… friends.”

You glared at your mother head-on, suppressing every urge to lunge at her from across the table. She said nothing more, instead turning away to innocently sip her wine.

Kit was in the midst of her own altercation, arguing her case with pleading eyes. “Mother, please… I cannot marry Prince Graydon!”

“And just why not?” Sorsha demanded. “Prince Graydon is an esteemed young man, his parents speak very highly of him.”

“I’ve never even met him!” Kit’s voice wavered in stifled sobs.

“You will before the wedding, now that is quite enough! It is your duty to your kingdom. I don’t want to hear another word about this until the alliance is signed, and that is final!”

Kit slammed her hands on the table, tears falling as she ran away. Sorsha screamed after her until the sound of her bedchamber door slamming reverberated across the room. The table fell silent, none of you knowing where to look. After a moment, Airk cleared his throat, breaking the tension as he rearranged the silverware on his plate.

“May I be excused, mother?” He muttered.

Sorsha sighed, dismissing him with a wave of her hand. He got up quietly, exiting the room and making a beeline for Kit’s door. The remaining four of you resumed picking at your food, the sound of silverware scratching against glass dishes only deepening the stillness of the room.

As you pushed your food around, you couldn’t help but steal glances in the direction of Kit’s door. You turned to your mother, wanting to speak.

“Let it be a passing thought,” she denied your unspoken request, not bothering to look up from her plate.

Fortunately, dinner didn't drag on much longer after the commotion subsided. Once everyone had hastily departed from the table, you made your way to Kit’s room and positioned yourself outside her door. Kit’s muffled sobs mingled with Airk’s whispered words from the other side of the wooden barrier, causing you to pause before entering, afraid of disrupting them.

Just when you were about to throw caution to the wind and grasp the handle, the door swung open, revealing Airk. He startled at your unexpected presence and closed Kit’s door behind him.

“Uh… hi…” he muttered lamely.

“Hello there,” you replied softly.

The two of you stood silently in front of Kit’s door, a multitude of unanswered questions hanging in the air that neither of you knew how to ask.

“She’s, uh…” Airk broke the silence, jerking his head towards Kit’s door. “…having a difficult time coming to terms… with everything.”

You nodded slowly. “Were you… able to get through to her? At all?”

“Inconsolable,” he admitted regretfully. “I haven’t seen her this distraught since… our father…”

You winced, recalling the initial heartbreak Kit faced when her father’s letters stopped arriving ten years ago.

“I understand…” he continued. “I also know what it’s like to be forced into a loveless marriage.”

His gaze bore into yours, carefully chosen words that riddled you with guilt. You knew you had no right to hurt feelings after that night in the courtyard, but you couldn’t help the sharp pang that hit your chest like a piercing arrow.

“Airk…” you sighed, overwhelmed with remorse. “Please let me apologize for that night…”

“No need,” he interrupted coolly. “It’s really quite alright…”

“It’s not,” you insisted. “My reaction… I assure you… had nothing to do with your character, or your appearance, or anything, really. It wasn’t about you, it was never about you, it…” you took a deep breath, your secret weighed on your shoulders as if it was carved from stone. “Airk… I’m in love with someone else.”

Airk looked taken aback. “Pardon?”

“My hand belongs to you…” your voice trembled. “…but my heart belongs to another.”

A single tear slipped down your cheek. You shut your eyes tightly, the burden of your secret lifting but replaced with overwhelming fear. Airk stood, silently, his expression cycling through shock, relief, confusion, and finally… sympathy.

“Likewise…” he whispered, causing you to look at him again. “There’s this… local maiden, a quiet beauty who carries herself with the gentle elegance of a dove. She may not have been born into privilege, but she’s captivated me. My heart belongs to her.”

He looked at you, expecting a reaction. You attempted to feign surprise, but ended up failing miserably. He smirked. “Was it that evident?”

You chuckled. “With all of your enticing stares at dinner, it almost felt as if I were intruding on something private!”

He laughed airily along with you, long-standing tension finally broken. You started to relax, feeling a weight lift as you and Airk came to an unspoken forgiveness. He smiled warmly, genuinely at you before his expression turned serious once again.

“I hope you know I would hate for my mother to receive word of this,” he said in a low voice.

You nodded in agreement. “You needn’t worry, my lips are sealed. I understand what it’s like… living with secrets.”

He waited for you to continue, but you simply folded your hands in front of you and smiled, silently refusing to speak further.

Airk departed soon after your conversation ended, leaving you once again face-to-face with Kit’s door. You raised your knuckle to the chestnut wood, giving it two gentle raps.

No response.

With a shaky hand, you turned the handle and opened the door with a slow, steady creak. Kit lay flat on her bed, motionless, staring at the ceiling. She made no indication of noticing your presence, so you stepped inside and carefully closed the door with a click.

No response.

Stars studded the now-blackened night sky through a small window in the corner. The room’s only light source was a flickering candle that cast shadows over Kit’s unmoving body and danced along the wrinkles of her garments. You stood near the entrance, watching the subtle rise and fall of her chest with each breath.

“Which is worse?”

The sudden sound of her voice startled you. “Pardon?”

“I’m wondering…” she sat up, dangling her legs over the edge of her bed. “…which is worse? Spending half a decade counting down the seconds until you’re forced into an unwanted marriage, or having it thrust upon you without warning?”

She met your gaze, expecting an answer. You had none. She continued.

“On the one hand, the first option reads torturously, like sitting on death row waiting for execution,” she contemplated, deep in thought. “But on the other hand, it allows for processing time, providing an opportunity to numb yourself to the situation.”

She looked back over to you, her expression stoic. “What do you think?”

“I think I won’t ever be numb to the situation,” you replied with a half-smile.

Kit gave a halfhearted chuckle, staring down at her feet. You moved to sit next to her on the bed, resting a soothing hand on her back. She sighed. “You don’t know how fortunate you are.”

You furrowed your brow. “How do you mean?”

“You’re betrothed to my brother,” she answered. “Someone you grew up with, someone you trust.”

You frowned. “Kit, Airk and I may have history, but I’m still being forced into a loveless marriage. You and I suffer the same plight.”

Kit’s eyes seemed to glaze over as she began to speak in a small voice. “You truly believe our situations are at all similar?”

You removed your hand from her back and leaned slightly away from her. “Kit…”

“Do you?” Her fingers clenched the bedsheets as she finally met your gaze. “I am marrying a man I’ve never met, so I can help form an alliance with a kingdom I’ve never visited! My entire life is conforming to the whims of my mother, do you have any idea what that’s like?”

“Have you observed my mother?” You shot back, standing up from the bed. “Sometimes I wonder whether or not she cares if I live or die, just as long as I marry Airk to keep up appearances like a performing minstrel!”

“Cry me a river, Princess!” Kit growled, also abandoning the bed. “My sincerest apologies that you have a mother that gave you fifteen years to become accustomed to her chosen spouse, and a father to give you away at the altar!”

You softened your gaze, realizing a large part of the reason for Kit’s distress. “Kit, I didn’t…”

“I’ll have to walk down the aisle with Airk!” She interrupted, angry tears now streaming down her face. “There was enough prattle when news of my father’s disappearance spread, and now all of Galladoorn and Tir Asleen combined is going to witness me being given away by my own brother. So don’t you dare stand there and claim that you and I ‘suffer the same plight!’”

“Kit!” Your voice wavered, a tightness in your chest threatened to unleash a flood of tears. “That was not my intent, and you know it. You're hurting, and you have my deepest sympathies…”

“I don’t need your sympathy…”

“Then don’t take it!” Your voice cut through the air, sharp and defensive. “All I said is that I share your pain in being forced into a marriage with someone you don’t love. I don’t understand why you’re so angry with me.”

Kit bit her lip, sniffling and wiping away tears. Her red, puffy eyes struggled to meet yours as she searched for more words to use as a line of defense.

“Because marriage isn’t about love, Princess,” she finally replied. “And frankly, your lack of realization is troubling.”

Her words brought a lump to your throat, like a boulder lodged within a narrow cave. Without another word, you spun on your heel and walked out of Kit’s room, making sure the wooden barrier slammed shut behind you before giving into the tears that had been threatening to fall.

Tag List: @chloepricesgirl @canmargesimpson @yourelliewillms @valenftcrush @camilleee222 @prettygirlfemme @slaytillieswooo @love4lyn @joanvisitsrome @athenalive @mih11 @j-pacifica @everybodyhatesari @vii-ofswords @sophi4v13 @detmarmalade

[wallterwall]

day 32

if you like my (cybrthrillz) content, please read this

tw for self harm and suicidal ideation

i want to take a break

this is not a victory or a win for anyone. if anything all of the harassment and relentless targeted hate has only made me even more motivated to make this little space ive created a more accepting place, and i will continue to be a voice of support for "weird and contradictory" queer identities because we all deserve to be happy and accepted

but, for a long time ive been putting myself in harms way, generally neglecting my own needs for the sake of other people, because i dont care about what happens to me as long as other people are happy and safe, and right now i dont think i can keep pushing myself like that anymore. im tired

i havent had a s/h problem since middle school but now those urges are resurfacing again when i thought id never have to deal with that again

i havent been able to relax or enjoy any of my time without having dreadful thoughts in the back of my mind

ill probably be changing things going forward too, or maybe things wont be changing at all. i dont know. i just know that i want to try and relax and watch those movies ive been meaning to watch and play more video games without feeling guilty that im not using my time for drawing.

the controversies have wounded me a lot but unfortunately regretevator is still my main hyperfixation so ill have trouble getting myself to draw anything else and i dont think i want to really avoid it. so ill still be drawing, but ill be drawing for myself without really worrying about posting schedules. ill still be active on discord, tumblr, instagram

im not going to kill myself today, nor am i going to in the future. because whether some people want to believe it or not, i know and my friends know that i always try my best to be a considerate and kind, overall good person. i know that i genuinely have positively impacted many people in life. i hope that ill be able to go back to regularly posting soon with a clearer state of mind because your support has genuinely improved my life both emotionally and financially, and i couldnt be more grateful.

but right now, its okay to be a little selfish for my sake. and i hope that you all can understand and be patient with me. thanks for stickin around

[kamiversee]

The F*ck List (semi-official) Breakdown.

The following was submitted by my lovely ☃️anon, & I needed to make this it’s own post given how long it is, my replies & clarifications are written in between this breakdown & theory (Ex: A/N > Etc.). 

Here, you’ll find majority of details you may have missed & maybe even more to think about. Enjoy :)

(wc; 5.7k) (content; spoilers ofc)

holy shit Kami. i literally had to take the entire day to process everything. before anything else, i need you to know that you've created an absolute masterpiece. TFL was the first fic i ever cared to keep up with and it has set the bar impossibly high for any other writer out there. please take your time with TFL 2, i'm so excited to read your other work!! also a break sounds like it would be so good for your mind considering how long you've dedicated yourself to this story 😭😭😭 you're seriously impressive. heads up, i didn't proofread this at all bc i finished typing this at 4 am LMFAO so forgive me if it's all scrambled and makes no sense.

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A/N > Thank you for taking the time to write this breakdown, I seriously appreciate it so I wanted to take my time in responding to it & engaging with you :)

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now, on to the yap. i deadass cracked my knuckles before typing all this out.

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A/N > You’re so real for tht ngl

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i reread the entirety of TFL from chapter 1 and my brain is so melted from analyzing that i'll prob find more details tomorrow after i sleep on some theories 😭 BUT HOLY FUCK YOU REALLY WEREN'T KIDDING WHEN YOU SAID YOU WERE HINTING AT GOJO'S OBSESSION SINCE LITERALLY THE FIRST CHAPTER??? the fucking hint being that "Gojo's desire for you is so strong it's almost frightening." GIRLLLLLL 🫵🫵🫵🫵🫵🫵

your foreshadowing and referencing is insane. idk if you intended a lot of it, but a lot of it caught my eye.

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A/N> I TOLD YOU GUYS IVE BEEN DOIN IT SINCE THE FIRST CHAPTER !! Okay not exactly but like there was a vibe I had from the first chapter & when I later came up with the twist & went back and saw that everything would connect perfectly ^.^

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chapter 7; the reader and Gojo have lighthearted banter about how the reader "started this" situation.

"I made a mistake." [reader] 

"A good one." 

"Bad one." You correct.

this was regarding a completely different situation but it baffled me how much it connects to the plot itself; the reader making the "mistake" of leaving her door open, and how it lead to months full of trauma and love. probably completely unintentional, but such a good detail.

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A/N > Very intentional btw, it’s supposed to be known that, in a sense, Gojo x reader is forbidden :)

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Choso's still staring at you intently, "What version of you would someone not like?" 

The way he words his question only furthers that little feeling in your chest. It's almost as though he were implying that any and all versions of you would be acceptable in his eyes. - Chapter 16

THE WAY WE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT CHOSO WOULD STICK BY US REGARDLESSSSSSSS AAAAAA WE'RE SO BLIND!!! i just hope this stays true to the sequel :')

"No, I wish you didn't have to hate me." He says, shutting his eyes again and sucking in a deep breath, "B-But... it's uh, It's okay. I can live with you hating me." - Chapter 21

AAAA WE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN!!!! WE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THIS WAS FORESHADOWING OUR FUTURE WITHOUT GOJO 😭😭😭 how he can live with the idea of the reader hating him so long as she's happy with Choso, especially considering his later revelations of how twisted his actions were and how if you stuck with him, he'd view you differently. fuck.

You despise the fact that he loves you. To you, it's almost entitled for him to feel like he has that right. How dare he hold such a strong emotion for you? If he felt this way, why is he forcing you to sleep with people for him? It makes no sense. 

Why would someone claim to love you and put you through so much? 

If he's been in love with you all this time, why start the list in the first place? Why couldn't he have just tried to win your heart from the beginning? Why the list? Why the blackmail? You don't understand him. - Chapter 23

i'm crushed. we didn't understand because we didn't know that Sukuna was involved. that could mean a million other things. i have some far-fetched theories about this but hear me out later!!!

the entirety of chapter 23 had me fucking floored while i was rereading. THE FORESHADOWING WAS EVERYWHERE!!! EVERY FUCKING WHERE

"No sweetheart, Sukuna's an asshole but..." His expression flickers and his smile fades away. He swallows and then clears his throat, "I'm pretty sure he'll satisfy you just fine." 

...

You narrow your eyes at him, "Are you sure?" 

...

 "Fuckin' positive," Gojo suddenly sounds pissed and you grow concerned. The arm around you gets a little tighter while he walks you through some crowds and you keep looking at the man confused. 

There's a vein popping out along his jawline because of how hard he's gritting his teeth.

of course he's aggravated because he knows that Sukuna is the one behind the list in the first place 😭😭😭 I'M SORRY WE DOUBTED YOU SATORU, FUCKKKK

——FIFTEEN MINUTES. That was the exact amount of time it took you to seduce Sukuna. The act was way too easy. Actually, it was suspiciously easy.

BECAUSE HE FUCKING KNEW 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

"What all did you plan on doing tonight aside from getting harassed by strangers?" Sukuna suddenly questions against your skin. 

You ignore how close he is and the way his lips make you tense, turning your head to face forward. Chuckling at his last comment, "Same thing as everyone else here." You reply, slightly confused by his question. 

"Bullshit," He utters, "Nobody dresses like this without the intent of gaining my attention," Sukuna claims while his hands slide back down along your body.

this 100% could be just him being cocky and Sukuna, but the recent reveal just makes this feel like an extra demeaning interaction. but of course, it's Sukuna.

chapter 24 is so fucking shady too with everything we know. i know you addressed some of these points already bc i brought them up in previous anon messages, but these things still had me paranoid;

the way Sukuna leaves us and tells the reader to go to his room after a certain amount of time (i know he could have just been tidying up real quick but everything about this man has me on edge)

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A/N> A lot of people are on edge about this but I’ll be honest, there’s nothing crazy that happens in between this time period. Not saying nothing happens but nothing crazy— it’ll be addressed later (in the next fic most likely)

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the way he's been consistently on the phone since the reader entered the room, which is shortly after she messaged Gojo saying that she'll be able to cross Sukuna off of this list by tonight which he wasn't happy with at all.

no seriously, he kept diverting his attention to something in the bathroom and then came out, still on his phone. maybe he's talking to literally anyone else but STILL I'M PARANOID

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A/N> This is to show the fact that Sukuna is a very socially active individual, & hints to the theory (I think you later state) that he has connections.

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this happens in chapter 25 but the way he keeps smiling while the reader kisses him is just so smug of him especially considering the original reason as to why the reader's even interacting with him

then the spicy chapters with Sukuna…

the foreshadowing that the lack of knowledge of Sukuna's reputation will come back to bite her in the ass; first with the knowledge that he is abusive, and then her finding out that he is the curator of the list, knowing the full details of her blackmail and even threatening her again.

WHO DID HE FUCKING FIGHT HELPPPPP MY MIND IS BOGGLING there's no way it's Gojo, right? they're both too unscathed in these next few chapters for there to have been a fight between the two of them.

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A/N > It’s not Gojo. 🙏

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THE FUCKING MOMENT WHERE HE CONTEMPLATED SOMETHING WITH THE PHONE IN HIS HAND??? I FUCKING KNEW IT. I FUCKING CALLED IT WAS SOMETHING SHADY AS HELL.

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A/N> The other Sukuna hint I was talking about is right before this moment btw, you’re welcome ;)

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then he has the audacity to hold his tongue right afterwards?? it's such a big hint towards the fact that he knew about the list from the beginning UGHHHHHHHH.

the way he tried to humor the reader about her "job" even though he was in on the whole thing. UGH. SUKUNA WHEN I GET YOU SUKUNA?? 👊👊👊👊 especially with that "whore" joke right afterwards. i can't stand him. i know that it's implied that he has a twisted view on women from having abusive women in his life (his mom and his ex who he punched) BUT STILL. he's so lucky he's fictional and hot.

the fact that we're able to pick up on the fact that it's a "crazy coincidence" that he continues the whore jokes UGHHHHH HE HAS BEEN PLAYING US FROM THE STAAAAAARTT

Gojo got upset at something from Sukuna's party, he didn't want you to call yourself a whore all of a sudden, Sukuna seems to have believed that was your actual job, and you remember how pissed Gojo seemed as he thought about you sleeping with Sukuna- 

Holy fuck. Are the two connected somehow? Is something going on? What does Gojo owe Sukuna? Does Sukuna know you only slept with him as payment to clear Gojo's debt? Is-

GIRL YOU WERE ALMOST THERE!!!! YOU ALMOST HAD IT!!!

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A/N > I love teasing in my narration by nearly spoiling things 😹

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---

seriously though, these chapters killed me. the official end obliterated my heart. it's so fucking bittersweet i want to scream at the top of a high building. the reader ends up happy and with someone she loves, which is fantastic for her. she deserves that after everything she went through. Choso treats her so, so well.

but Gojo. with the theories i have, i feel horrible. i was so harsh towards him as a die hard Choso girly but these endings changed me. i just hope i'm right.

the fact that his healing journey is harsher than ours makes this ending sting so much. he's healed, and you can see it with his demeanor from the call and the way he interacted with the reader.

we were always made aware of the way he looked at us such deep attachment. the initial gleam shows that he's happy to see us, but that he's not reliant on us for his happiness anymore. he's finding that on his own, and it's a grueling process for him. i wished the reader gave him a hug, but that would probably make me feel even worse.

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A/N> He gave her a lil side hug (with his arm over her shoulder) & was resting his head on hers at the end if that makes you feel any better 😅

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"Through my blackmailing, I fell for you but I also did it because I loved you from the start." i'm gonna throw up bro i'm so sad. i'm proud of his growth. his obsession was so, so strong but he always prioritized the reader's happiness over himself. i know that being self-sacrificial is so core to his personality but it doesn't make it suck any less. i'm devastated. i started blasting mitski in the car on my way to work after reading this.

i thought i was ready for the journal burning. i was so ready for this tie to be severed, for them to finally move on. but i failed to realize that it could ultimately mean a life without each other. it makes sense as to why, but it still sucks.

kami i need that poly ending before i cry my eyes out at 4 am rn. you know i can't handle angst, but bittersweet endings lowkey hurt me even more. i need all my babies to be happy. i desperately need it.

but that alt ending... fuck. in a horrible, sick, and twisted way, i'm relieved. i'm a Choso girly from the bottom of my heart but i can't let this Gojo go omfg. even if he shows up for one more chapter, i think i'll be alright. BUT IT BETTER NOT BE FOR DEATH KAMI!!!! I HAVE A FEW EXCERPTS THAT SUGGEST DEATH FLAGS BUT I AM SIMPLY NOT LOOKING AT THEM. DON'T DO THIS TO ME KAMIIIIIII. i need this boy to be frolicking in a field of flowers or something. my heart can't take this.

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A/N> I know I reference death a lot but that’s just to add a sense of how dramatic the characters are 🫶

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---

okay, time for my mind-fucky theory. pls bare with me. if it wasn't obvious by my last post, i'm 100% on board with the theory that Sukuna's blackmailing Gojo, which started this whole thing. but the thing that is getting me is how this all connects. i have some assumptions that could make sense, but there are a handful of gaps. here's my thought process;

Sukuna's blackmailing Gojo by using his obsession/love against him.

we are already familiar with the fact that Gojo has liked the reader for years. there was a chapter where Gojo mentioned that it started off as a "crush" but he was so oblivious to his own obsession up until the reader mentioned it to him. it's to the point that he didn't understand what was wrong with the idea of hurting people for the reader. who's to say that Sukuna didn't catch him in some sort of heinous act regarding the reader like stalking?

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A/N > You’re cooking with this one and I almost, almost had to go get the fire extinguisher :D

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Gojo didn't understand the difference between love and obsession until later on in the story. this would be consistent with the implication that Gojo just loved her so deeply that his morals were askew as we have yet to find out how far his love goes.

what if Sukuna caught him in the act of doing god knows what, and brought up the fact that if the reader found out about this, that she'd get super freaked out and would do everything she can to get away from him (considering probably barely knew each other, if at all, at this point). but why would Sukuna devise such a plan over a money bribe? well, Sukuna's already revealed to be wealthy, and maybe he was bored. the same line that Gojo kept repeating to the reader whenever she questioned him as to why he did it. what if Gojo asked Sukuna why he's blackmailing him, and he said the exact same thing; "I was bored." we see how much Sukuna mirrors Gojo's speech by calling the reader "sweetheart" often, what if Gojo did the same thing? 

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A/N > Gojo & Sukuna do have a few parallels in this story & they will be addressed more in the sequel.

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we wondered in chapter 23 how Gojo reaches out to these men to ensure their debt is "paid," but considering how oblivious everyone else on the list is to Gojo owing them anything, it would make sense that he only reports to Sukuna as he is ordered to do so. but two things stumped me on this theory overall.

the reader said that she used to party a lot and get involved with boys before Gojo. if he was stalking her for so long, why did he wait so long to approach her?

what specifically would be the blackmail that Sukuna has on Gojo?

regarding the first point, it's been mentioned that Gojo has been "scared of women" and was shy when it came to approaching the reader. he knew of her for so long, but was able to constantly slip under her radar. considering how much of a pervert he is, it wouldn't have been surprising for him to sneak around and watch in on the reader hooking up with other guys. after all, these guys were probably complete strangers to him and all he cared about was you. remember how Gojo was basically able to tune out his own best friend, Suguru, when the reader was hooking up with him in their living room? it wouldn't be wild to assume that he was able to do the same for your other hookups as he spied on you.

to connect this with second point, what if Sukuna caught Gojo being a peeping tom on the reader during a party hook-up? while being so distracted in the act of spying, Sukuna spots him. the reader wouldn't be alright with the fact that someone who's barely an acquaintance (if that, depending on the time this occurred) to her has been perving around and watching her have sex without her consent. she would do anything to get away from Gojo, and of course that would crush him. Gojo tried to buy Sukuna's silence by any means necessary. so, Sukuna generated a list of people that he and Gojo mutually knew for the reader to fuck. the reasoning for it would be the fact that Gojo has to sit through the process of having the girl he likes fuck a bunch of guys besides him, and the fact that Gojo knew all these men would make it sting more. plus, he has a reputation for hookups. (chapter 8)

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A/N > You’re like RIGHT there with it and yet not there at the same time omg 😟

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but why would Gojo agree to this deal with Sukuna, and why would he also go with the method of blackmailing the reader? it's basically a guarantee that the reader would be scared away regardless. but again, we could recall that Shoko mentioned that he was too "scared of women" to approach the reader at first. this was his chance to finally approach her. plus, "once that video is gone, there is no excuse he'll have to be around you." (chapter 8)

---

but the more i thought of this reasoning for the two points, the more bizarre it felt. so what if instead of Gojo being a peeping tom, it was Sukuna. we get so many hints that Sukuna has eyes and intel everywhere. we get an indirect implication of this when he called us out for rolling our eyes during our phone call with him. yes, it could be completely by chance, but it's still a great hint that he "sees everything" and "knows everything." we get an even bigger hint towards this in the alt ending when he directly references The F*ck List.

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A/N > Others have taken note of how Sukuna knew she rolled her eyes but trust me, that’s just to show that Sukuna knows the reader’s body language more than he’s let on & paid attention to her a lot during the time they were together. 

┗━━━

it wouldn't be too far fetched to assume that he has some shady videos taken of people without his consent, some possibly acquired through other people (like how Gojo was revealed to have sent Sukuna the video of the reader from the first chapter). what if Gojo caught Sukuna with the video, threatened him to delete it, and Sukuna counterthreatened to have it be sent and posted everywhere. it would be highly ironic, but consistent with the way that Gojo and Sukuna practically mirror each other at times. the reasoning for the list choices would still be the same for this theory, too.

---

my citations for these theories ☝️🤓

“You once asked me if I love you because I blackmailed you or if I blackmailed you because I love you and my answer is both,” Gojo confesses as he turns to meet your gaze, “Through my blackmailing, I fell for you but I also did it because I loved you from the start.” - Chapter 56

loved you from the start; his obsession has been consistent from the start (supports Gojo being a peeping tom theory) or he has always had a deep concern for you (supports him wanting to stop Sukuna from spreading blackmail of you instead).

“I’ve sacrificed everything for you, y’know.” 

“How? What’s everything that you’ve sacrificed, hm?” 

“You. I sacrificed the woman I love to make her happy.” Gojo admits, and of all he’s said thus far, that feels like the truest statement. 

“I could’ve been happy with you.” You remind him. 

He laughs, “Yeah well, I’m an idiot.” 

You scoff, “That’s all you have to say?” 

“Yup.” - Chapter 56

is he an idiot for being a peeping pervert instead of just approaching you normally? maybe. how does this make her happy? she ends up finding love through Choso, through the list, through the blackmail.

But deleting the video means ... he has no more leverage over you and can't force you to help him with the hole he's dug for himself. -  Chapter 8

the hole being the blackmail set against him by Sukuna.

Gojo's behind you cursing at himself for being unable to tell you the truth. 

He's so scared that you'll never help him without the blackmail and, well, he has every right to be because you're pretty sure that if it weren't for those videos he has over your head, you wouldn't be doing any of this. - Chapter 9

the videos he's referencing is the original video from chapter 1 and the fake video he lied about with Suguru, but he can't tell the reader the truth because it's too twisted and risky (supports Gojo peeping tom theory).

He silences himself in thought. There are so many ways he could go about answering such a question but the possibilities of how you may react are endless. Plus, you're drunk and if he's going to admit or explain anything to you, it'll be while you're sober. 

"Because..." Gojo's voice gets so quiet that you almost don't catch what he says, "...I don't have any other choice." - Chapter 21

if he didn't go through with his list, Sukuna would have went through with Gojo's blackmail, thus resulting in either you getting as far away from Gojo as soon as possible or Sukuna's video being sent around.

He let something slip abruptly, "W-Wish I c-could tell you everything, sweets..." 

Your brows furrow at that. 

Are you missing something here? - Chapter 22

YES GIRL!!!! SUKUNA'S BEHIND THE WHOLE LIST, HE'S BEHIND THE BLACKMAIL GIRLYPOP

"Anything," Gojo says, meeting your gaze. He's so serious that it's almost dark the way he looks at you, "I'd do anything for you." - Chapter 29

"I meant it when I said I'd do anything for you." 

You follow his motions and then end up right back in his arms, "Right..." 

"I'd sacrifice the very thing I love just to see you happy." Gojo claims proudly. 

You scoff, "Thought' I was the thing you loved?" 

"You are." 

His words bewilder you, "Then that makes no sense." 

"It won't." Gojo shrugs. - Chapter 29

🧍‍♀️

anything. even if it means putting your body, heart, mind, and career on the line. directly supports the theory that Sukuna initially had blackmail on the reader.

"We're the same, y'know..." He suddenly says, his voice breaking again, "We both want someone so terribly bad but our situations prohibit us from getting that person." 

"You could've prevented all this though..." 

Gojo sniffles and you feel a drop of wetness slide down his cheek and slip against your palm. The man was crying? Why? - Chapter 30

this whole time we've been told that Gojo and the reader share more similarities than the reader realizes. what Gojo is to the reader, the reader is to Choso. while Choso now knows of the men that the reader slept with, he doesn't know why. he doesn't know about you being blackmailed. you know that you had to sleep with these men. you don't know why. you didn't know it was because of Gojo being blackmailed.

"For loving me, Satoru. It's not a crime," You say, mocking a comment he made to you earlier, "You're allowed to love me. So, for that, and that only, I forgive you." 

Those words healed so many more wounds in his heart than you realized. It was like that was all he ever needed to hear. If Gojo's mistake was loving you and that's what caused this, then you forgive him. 

If in some twisted way, his feelings started the list, you forgive him.

COME ON NOW.

There’s so much going unspoken but the two of you knew what either was saying, you understood each other more than either of you realized. - Chapter 35

“Well,” Gojo sighs heavily and then draws your hands off his face, leaning down to you a bit, “Sometimes, sacrifices need to be made in exchange for one’s happiness.” 

“Are you telling me that all this was for the greater good?” You quiz as you raise a curious brow. 

“Something like that, yeah,” He shrugs. - Chapter 45

You tell him, “If I had one wish, it’d be that you did that from the beginning.” 

Gojo opens his mouth to say something but then he swallows his words down. He nearly fucked up. 

“All you had to do was talk to me,” Your shoulders raise into a shrug as you move a hand to the doorknob, “Things could’ve been different if you did.” 

“Even if I’ve been obsessed with you since the beginning?” He questions and he’s stepping closer to you again. He can’t possibly wrap his head around that possibility- 

You laugh a bit, “Especially if you were obsessed from the beginning,” You didn’t know it but that statement right there made the man feel as though his world was falling apart, loads of regret tumbling over him as he stares at you with wide eyes, “Satoru I think you forgot but, before all this started, aside from Shoko… I was lonely.” 

Gojo’s throat goes dry and he fails to form a response to that, “I…” 

“If you had just talked to me one time, and more than a hey or how are you,” The way your eyes soften, a slim sheer gloss of tears coating your gaze as you speak to him, “I would’ve fallen for you.” 

He grits his teeth, “Don’t tell me that.” 

“But it’s true.” You say. 

And just like that, Gojo was crumbling all over again. If only you knew how much he regretted everything after hearing you say that. - Chapter 46

if he had just spoke to the reader before all of this, maybe she wouldn't have gone to those parties, hooked up with those people, and caused whatever kind of blackmail Sukuna had on Gojo (or on her).

He wishes he could take it all back, his feelings for you included. If only he could go back and stop himself from ever being curious about you. That’s what started it after all. Because, at the end of the day, Gojo knew who you were before you knew who he was— hell, even before Shoko knew who you were. - Chapter 53

then what is the timeline of his obsession starting? has it been before Gojo? could his blackmail have taken place even before Shoko introduced you two, adding to the weight of the threat that Sukuna held over Gojo's head (regarding the peeping tom theory).

┏━━━

A/N > The timeline on Gojo’s interest, not obsession just yet, on the reader will be addressed in the sequel so this’ll be answered there <3

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---

but there were certain parts that stumped me and my theories so i have some weird reasonings around them;

It's selfish of him and seriously fucked up but, he's said it before and he'll say it over and over again-- you're all he has. He made promises to everyone on that list, promises of delivering a woman to them at some point, and of course, he couldn't convince anyone he knew to do such a thing. 

So again, the situation with you just happened to be a coincidence. 

The problem is that Gojo hates that it's you. He hates that you're the one he ended up doing this to. - Chapter 8

Gojo's known to be a silly guy so it could make sense that he actually did promise these guys hookups for reasons unrelated to his blackmail. after all, he does have a reputation for getting people hookups. the coincidence is that Sukuna now has dirt on Gojo and wants to toy with him. by making the reader sleep with them the guys he coincidentally owes hookups to, he fulfills his role/reputation and relieves his debt at the same time. two birds, one stone.

┏━━━

A/N > As we later learn that some of the “debt” Satoru claimed to have isn’t real, we can also infer that his reputation & the promises he’s made to these men were done out of coincidence. Take Toji for example; tell me you can’t see an interaction between him & Gojo where Gojo gets a bad grade and wants to get it up so he taunts his professor with the idea of getting him a hookup & Toji would laugh it off considering Gojo’s reputation ;)

┗━━━

another thing that stumped me is why Gojo got so worked up with the reader referring herself as a whore, and the connection to Sukuna. my delulu reasoning is that once Sukuna threatened Gojo with blackmail by either of the two theories/methods i mentioned, Sukuna casually referred to the reader as a whore. that caused a major fight between the two, possibly even getting physical (which can refer back to the implication that Gojo has hurt people for the reader).

the fight could have increased the tension and severity of the situation, so Sukuna decides to add Choso to the list knowing how easily attached Choso gets. in chapter 5, the reader and Gojo were discussing the list and Choso specifically. Gojo was even noted to be relieved when the reader had mentioned that they'll just have to hope that Choso doesn't get attached, as he obviously holds deep feelings for the reader. Sukuna knows that by going through with the blackmail with Choso involved, Gojo most likely will not end up with the reader if Choso get attached and the reader reciprocates those feelings.

also, the counterargument that Sukuna and Gojo are actually friends/allies in this situation just doesn't sit well with me. it would make for a crazy twist but it just feels too out of character for Gojo. but then again, how would Sukuna specifically know about The F*ck List? but idk, it just feels so wrong to me. maybe i have too much faith in Gojo lmfao. after all, he has consistently shown a great dislike towards the guy since chapter 23. but maybe it's my denial speaking. i really don't want to think of Satoru going through this whole arc only for it to reveal that he truly is a piece of shit. pls don't do this to my pookie my heart cannot handle it </3

┏━━━

A/N > Remember, Gojo is a good actor & you go a long period of time in the book not realizing he’s not as much of a villain as he pretends to be 😉 

┗━━━

there's that moment after the reader fucked Sukuna that still messes with my brain. with my theories, my brain's thinking that he contemplated on collecting even more blackmail on the reader. for what reason? idk, to be an ass? to torment Gojo further and add more to his blackmail? but maybe he decided not to because he already has plenty of blackmail on the reader (if the theory of Sukuna having a video of her from way back then is true) and fucking her knowingly made Gojo pissed considering all the dirt Sukuna has.

so why can't Gojo tell her the truth now? why does he want to wait years in advance? maybe he's hoping that by that time, not only will you forget and not care about the situation overall, but maybe Sukuna will forget all about it as well. the chances of Sukuna holding on to the reader's blackmail for that long is slim and the reader would most likely be in a situation where she is completely separated from Sukuna depending on her job and living situation with Choso. the stakes are lower than if he were to reveal everything to you now, at a moment where your life is still so uncertain. it would go against his wish for you to end up happy.

┏━━━

A/N > Maybe Gojo doesn’t tell her the truth because he can’t, just as he said 🌚 Perhaps he’s not allowed to yet. After all, why would Sukuna even tell the reader he made the list in the end? ^.^ Just some food for thought!

┗━━━

---

regarding the future of TFL... fuck, bro. i have no fucking idea. i'm too caught up in the (presumed) past. i'm mourning fr. i love this fic sooooo fucking much. whenever you decide to pick up on the sequel, i will be there. if you choose to publish anything else in the meantime, i will be there. thanks for such a fun and memorable read, Kami. i'm excited to bookbind this soon 🤍🤍🤍 now, i need to watch blue lock to shove these feelings down.

yap fin (for now)

-☃️

A/N > I love you sosoosooooo much for this. These theories are like reading an entirely new fanfic sometimes except, I know all the answers & what’s going to happen next, which only makes me more excited ^.^ Thank you for taking the time to make this, thank you for reading, thank you for supporting, just, THANK YOU.

This right here is exactly what I write for; people like you :)

To the others reading this breakdown & theory, thank ☃️anon because she’s a damn godsend & ilhsm ^.^ (definitely showing favoritism rn, sorry not sorry, ily all I swear)

Edit; Since you’re watching Blue Lock, I can’t wait to bring my Shidou fanfic here because a lot of the drama in TFL has inspo from that fic, which I wrote first ^.^ & I could totally see you enjoying it because not only is it a childhood friends to lovers than enemies & back to lovers troupe BUT it also includes Itoshi Sae x reader which ofc, adds hella drama :))

P.S. It’s two am as I finally post this and omg sorry it took me a while, I wanted to answer other anons first before unpacking this badboy, again, tysm!!

[semisolidmind]

i know it's all about the lion's den AU rn and as usual I am FEASTING on the content (excuse the crumbs) but there's an idea that won't leave me alone-

what if Peaches was not human, but an immortal from the beginning? How much would change? I know the whole appeal of these AUs - I mean, that's why I love them and I absolutely love this lil corner of the fandom. but I've been kinda diving into the whole immortality biz in Chinese myths for my oc, so now I'm curious.

Peaches could be someone cultivating and practicing Xian (i hope I'm using that right) for years, or consumed pills/elixir of immortality somehow, or a demon who is oddly very kind and empathetic - would the bois still love her just as much? How different is the dynamic now even if Peaches retains her core personality traits?

love your work! and hydrate before ya diedrate

ive been thinking about this, and i kinda like the idea of immortal reader being an attendant of the heavenly peach orchard.

not super high up the ladder, but not at the bottom either. her powers are limited to helping plants grow just a little bit, creating temporary barriers, and being able to float the way all celestials can. the higher-ups figure that since no one is bold or stupid enough to steal from heaven, they don’t need any extra security in the immortal peach groves.

you can take a guess as to how reader meets the monkeys.

they show up to the orchards, ready to fight their way to the peaches, but instead of some overpowered celestial soldiers guarding the orchard, it's....one immortal maiden. just the one. but she doesn't seem all that powerful, soooooo...

...maybe she'd agree to let them take a few without too much trouble?

the monkey bros go the "oh don't mind us we're just a couple of cute lil monkeys, here to cause adorable and harmless mischief" route in their approach to getting reader to let her gaurd down.

they approach her while she takes a break from pruning some dead branches. she's understandably surprised and suspicious about these two seemingly normal monkeys who've snuck in, but... they are pretty cute. and tame; they let her pet them and give them scritches. perhaps they're one of the heavenly official's pets. reader supposes that they can stay for a while.

wukong and macaque play their parts, get reader's guard down, and steal a couple dozen peaches each. reader notices, but there's not much she can do beyond shooing the monkeys out with a broom (and her soft heart barely allows her to do that). she knows that if she reports it, those cute lil monkeys will be hunted down and killed.

she supposes she could put in a request for higher walls around the grove, or more barriers (she still wonders how the boys managed to get through the first ones), but with how slowly things get done in the bureaucracy...it'd be a very, very long time until it was even brought up in court.

besides, even then....they're monkeys. animals. she won't place blame on them for being what they are. those little cuties probably had no idea that the immortal peaches were any different from the ones on earth.

she could never stay mad at their adorable lil faces anyways.

---

reader, despite what you might think, has a pretty laid back job. once all her chores for the day have been completed (those magic trees don't really need much beyond the essentials to do their thing), she has a good amount of free time to sit and, you guessed it—read.

macaque (because of course, he has to be the first one to fall in every au) decides, on a bored whim, to go visit that nice attendant they stole from not too long ago. perhaps he'll collect some intel while he's up there.

he finds her after a bit of searching. reader sits in a secluded corner of the grove, leisurely turning pages and enjoying the shade. macaque, still disguised, sidles up to her. reader notices, seeming surprised to see him before her face morphs into... a rather adorable pout. perhaps she thinks she's being intimidating.

'damn, no wonder the bureaucracy didn't think they needed any more security,' macaque thinks sarcastically. such a fearsome maiden they've chosen to guard the immortal peaches.

while reader takes a minute to admonish him about stealing, it isn't long before she sighs and gives up on her lecture in favor of scratching him gently behind his ears. he churrs low in his chest. her whole demeanor is as soft and sweet as the peaches she guards (her hands as well, he notes, pressing into them).

macaque laughs internally. a fearsome maiden, indeed.

macaque manages to wiggle his way into reader's lap, pulling her attention from her book. she knows she should be trying to scare him off, but...just—just look at him! he's so cute, and she's too pulled in by how cute he is to notice the oddly powerful aura he seems to exude (far too powerful to be a normal monkey). he enjoys her touch for a while longer before he hears the far-off call of his annoying brother, wondering where he is. he bumps his head into reader's hand by way of goodbye before running off to shadow away more secretively.

reader watches him go, sighing. she really should shoo him away next time.

---

macaque keeps coming back. and reader continues to be unable to kick him out.

with very few visitors and no one else to talk to, reader begins to tell him everything that she overhears during the day; the officials don't think anyone is listening when they air out their gossip as they walk by the orchard. she doesn’t know it, but she’s saving macaque the energy of using his powers to gather this intel on his own.

the six-eared demon makes a habit of showing up to the grove to laze around with his favorite maiden and listen to her read, using “spying” as the excuse he gives his brother for why he's been running off so often. reader seems to have accepted that he won't be leaving her alone any time soon, and he takes full advantage. macaque comes to think of reader and the secluded corner of the grove as his own little peice of heaven.

of course, sooner or later, wukong joins in. he's a bit angry that macaque didn't just say he was visiting the peach orchard and it's attendant; he wouldn't have minded, he would've come with! macaque doesn't bother trying to explain that he didn't want to share.

but share he does, seeing as wukong greedily takes all the attention from reader he can get. the monkey king finds himself enamored with the maiden who's hands and heart are as soft as the fruits she tends to. he won't admit it (it may hurt his carefully crafted "ruthless demon king" image if he did), but wukong is a cuddle bug when it comes to reader. everything about her is just so soft, and she's so kind, and she always smells like peaches—he could spend hours laying on her chest as she reads.

he just feels so...peaceful, with her.

the boys are entangled in reader's life, visiting whenever they can and butting into whatever she happens to be doing. they see her day to day happiness (brief conversations with the lower maids she's friends with), and her struggles (the two monkeys bore witness to the officials taking their anger out on reader over something trivial, their rage towards heaven growing stronger). the two grow more and more attached to her as time goes on.

and so they begin to work a small abduction into the grander scheme of their plan.

---

sooner or later, the monkey warlords properly raid heaven. they and their demon army storm the jade palace, murdering servants, footsoldiers, and as many officials as they can. the monkey king and the six-eared macaque lead a massacre so bloody it stains the palace walls red. wukong especially holds back none of his rage, getting caught up in his hatred for heaven and zealously continuing to shed as much celestial blood as he can.

during a lull in the chaos, macaque, covered in vicera, makes his way to the immortal peach grove. with the battle coming to a close and the demon forces being driven back, now is as good a time as ever to snatch up a special “peach” for himself and his brother.

he finds said peach preoccupied with a gallant attempt at protecting herself and a few lower maids from a demon soldier, using a series of barriers. the soldier breaks the barriers almost as fast as reader can make them, rapidly pushing her and her companions into a corner. reader puts up a brave fight, but she's a celestial attendant, not a celestial warrior.

macaque calls out to the soldier, halting their attack and telling them to regroup with the others and prepare to move out. the soldier complies, crassly assuring the women that they’re about to be nothing more than bloody pulp on the garden wall. no one has ever gone against the shadow general of the demon army and lived.

macaque waits until the soldier is out of sight before leisurely approaching the still quivering group of maids and their determined, but exhausted looking guard. reader tenses as he steps closer. she feels a horrible sense of dread crawl down her spine when she gets a good look at him.

the dark fur, the shape of the mask marking on his face...reader feels tears start to bead at the corners of her eyes.

this entire time, she'd been petting and coddling the six-eared macaque. the second in command of the dreaded demon army has been sitting right in front of her and she had no idea. reader can barely keep her breathing steady.

and if this is her dark-furred companion, then the lighter-furred one must be…oh stars.

…she let the monkey king in.

she practically threw open the doors for him. she didn’t report them when she should have, she knew there was something strange about them but she was so sure they were just normal animals—oh stars above, if the jade emperor ever discovered this, she’d be executed.

but…but reader steels herself. she can deal with that later. her friends are counting on her.

now, she’s certainly not expecting the blood-covered demon general across from her to be open to bargaining (he could just kill all of them now, but reader gets the feeling he wouldn't be merciful enough to end it quickly). and he knows exactly what leverage he has over her, she can see it in the smug look on his face.

but she tries anyways.

“let them go, please,” she begs breathlessly, arms shaking from the strain of maintaining her magic. the least she can do is buy her friends a moment more. “do whatever you want with me, but they are blameless.”

macaque chuckles, the sound reverberating lowly between the trees. whatever he wants, huh? oh, sweet peach. she should know better than to give him so much leeway.

“that is tempting. if that’s the case, then perhaps you’ll go with me willingly,” he muses, tail swaying slowly. his fangs glint dangerously when he smirks.

“don’t fight, and no harm will come to them. that, and your secret will be safe with me. honest."

reader doesn’t believe him. she can’t, but she and her friends are so low priority that calling for help would be useless. if the demon army has been as effective as the screaming would lead her to believe, the celestial host has much bigger problems than rescuing a gardener and some lowly maidservants. and with the chance that she’ll be seen through and blamed for every gory death that's happened beyond the walls of the peach groves...

she doesn’t have a choice.

reader slowly, cautiously lowers her barriers, despite the worried cries of the maids behind her. they cower closer together as reader takes a slow step closer to macaque.

with a flick of his wrist, reader is struck by a sleeping spell so potent she falls into macaque's waiting arms like a lead weight. the demon gathers his beloved into his hold with a gentleness that doesn't fit his gory visage.

he sinks into a shadow, leaving the maids to clutch each other and cry at the loss of reader and the near loss of their own lives.

---

reader wakes up days later in the royal bedchambers of the stone palace. she startles at seeing the monkey king and the six-eared macaque laying on either side of her, stripped to just a loose pair of pants each. she herself has been changed to a comfortable silk robe, her own clothing nowhere to be seen.

reader feels a cold sludge in her gut. she scrambles out of the pillow pit, kicking a few into the face of one of her captors as she goes. she checks herself over, looking for bite marks, claw marks, anything to indicate the two demons sharing a bed with her had violated her in any way. she looks, and breathes a heavy sigh.

she finds nothing.

"we figured we'd wait until you were awake to start marking territory," the tired, yet still somehow smug voice of the monkey king chimes from behind her. reader turns to see the demon leveling an amorous look her way. his gold and crimson eyes burn like fire in the low light.

reader ignores him in favor of falling to her knees and burying her face in her hands. now that she has a moment to think, her failure has decided to take centerstage; she was the one who let the monkey king into the jade palace, she let him steal the immortal peaches, she's the one who carelessly shared all the gossip that told them when the best time to attack would be, she's to blame for all the lives lost—

"hey. y'know we would've raided heaven even if we hadn't met you, right? it's not your fault," macaque says, propping his head in his hand to look at her. he doesn't have the decency to hide how he's sizing her up, poison purple eyes glowing whilst tracing her curves. reader shrinks into herself a bit more.

"yep. don't feel too bad, peaches. i was never gonna spare any of those bureaucrats in the first place," wukong adds. "and besides, none of those guys cared about you anyway, so why feel bad?"

reader sobs, pressing her hands to her eyes. she knows. she knows how callous the officials could be, but that doesn't mean they deserved to die. it doesn't mean the servants and foot soldiers who were only following orders deserved their fates.

she hears movement, then feels a set of strong, furred arms wrap around her. wukong rests his head on her shoulder. he nuzzles his nose against her neck. she feels his warm breath and the glance of deadly sharp fangs when he speaks.

"they didn't deserve the mercy you seem to think they did."

---

wukong places a seal on reader's powers. what little defense she had against them is gone with the placement of a brand-like marking in between her shoulder blades (and a few more along her shoulders made with his teeth).

reader can't do anything. wukong won't let her leave, and even if she could, the heavenly court will have her executed if she goes back. so, she remains on the monkey king's mountain.

she didn't think she'd share a fate with the precious fruit she'd failed to protect.

[braxlrose]

I miss ur writings sm :(

I am so sorry that I've been gone for so long, I haven't posted any fan fiction in so many months and honestly I lost motivation 😭 so many ppl who were in this fandom and I created a community with, were slowly getting over this "phase" and it definitely affected me. But I'm going to try and get back into writing. I hope this will do good for now! Ive had a lot of ppl recently ask for 2005 bill hcs, and I've done that before so if this is repetitive for something else I've written, sorry!

content warnings: none

a/n: I'll be updating my tag list since it hasn't been updated since like August of last year and I don't want to be tagging people who don't care or want to see these posts anymore. So if you wanna be tagged, let me know!

2005!bill kaulitz x f!reader

sfw:

- I'm an alternative person so whenever I write for bill, I always imagine him with an alternative girl 😞 even though from what I've seen he's never really been w/ an alternative one, BUT LETS PRETEND OKAY 🙏🙏

• he absolutely loves doing hair together, I think he enjoys helping you do your hair in the morning and your make up. And he's even more greatful if you do his makeup. Then he can just relax while you help him.

• pookie has crunchy ass hair at the end of the day when he has to wash it out, don't make fun of him 😞

• getting piercings together is something he LOVES doing with you. Mainly early piercings because he only has a tongue and eyebrow piercing on his face.

• if you made music too, he would always go to your concerts and basically scream the entire time. Hopefully, you'd do the same for him.

• if you have longer nails, head scratches are always a must and he will lay in your lap for literal hours while you pamper him.

- I personally think he would love to learn words in your language if you keep something different than German. And despite what anybody thinks, he finds it hilarious to learn the dirty words.

• if you cook him something from your culture, he will literally die. He basically thinks everything about you is so cool, and learning about a culture different from his is so exciting

• but if you two really want to date, you'll have to both try to learn English or each other language because there is going to be a hard language barrier between you two.

- I think one of the reasons he would've fallen in love with you is because you were upfront with him. He's not the type of guy to just go up and kiss someone so if you confess first, that would make things so much easier.

- obviously, you'd have to get along with Tom, Georg and Gustav. So if you don't, there's no way he'll go out with you, especially if you can't get along or hate Tom.

-Dates together consist of stuff you guys bought somewhere, or if you guys went to a fastfood restaurant.

• He doesn't have a lot of money yet so dates wouldn't exactly be high class, hopefully you don't mind 😉

-Since this is around the time Tokio Hotel is getting increasingly famous, there are fangirls around trying to flirt and ask out bill all the time and he has to shoo them off. He reminds you every night about how much he loves you and that those fan girls shouldn't bother you.

-he likes to spoon you a lot, and you two switch back n forth between him being the big spoon and the small spoon.

• I think he also really likes it when you lay on top of him, with your face in his neck and your legs wrapped around him. (This also works sitting upwards).

• cuddling with him is so nice too because he actually smells really good 😱

- I think he still gets very insecure sometimes because of the haters and people who harass the band because they don't like them and you reassure him a lot.

a/n pt 2: sorry this wasn't too long! I'm trying to get back into the groove of writing so if this is terrible I'm sorry 😞

taglist: none right now

[ak319]

Yan G!P Princess x fem reader

(Your name is Deniz in the story)

PART V ➺ PART IV

(YOUR POV)

"Princess here!"

"Princess Kade , here!"

"Where did you both first meet?!"

"Is our new princess in the castle?!"

"How long I’ve waited to hear these questions, to see the desperate anticipation in every man, woman, and child’s eyes about my marriage with you. The day they would be dying to know about you, about us."

That’s what she said. She released the article, just as I expected. So, I lost. I finally lost. And I would have lost no matter what.

It’s been two weeks since... I can’t even bear to say or think about what happened. But yes, two weeks, and I’m still stuck in this damn room, watching her answer questions with such delight. The lies she’s telling, as if she’s trying to craft a fairy tale. And she’s done it. She told them how she first saw me playing and was captivated by everything—my sportsmanship, my personality, my beauty. Then, when someone asked about her previous failed engagement with Juniper, she outright denied even knowing her and excused herself, slamming the car door. That means she’s coming back to the palace—probably to spend more time with me here.

I would just sit in the corner, ignoring her as best I could while she tried to talk to me. But she still remained, informing me about the commencement of the arrangement and how she had spoken to her assistant to arrange some classes for me—ranging from media etiquette to royal protocol. At first, I cursed at the mere idea of it, but when she said I wouldn’t be allowed to use my phone, I had no choice but to comply. But I’ll make sure to make those classes as miserable as possible. Let’s see how long the teachers last.

My parents went back home and will be invited back for the wedding. I video-call them daily now that I have the strength to. Ever since the incident, I had been blaming them, even though I knew it wasn’t their fault. I just needed time. Clara and Leo finally picked up my calls, but not from my phone--from the palace’s telephone. Yes, apparently, Kade ordered this too, and I had no choice since the calls from my phone are still blocked. It’s just another way of monitoring me because Kade knows Clara could help me somehow. But I also know that if I tried to ask for help, it would only create problems for Clara. So, in the end, I could only cry during the calls while she cursed Kade and her family non-stop.

The door opened after a subtle knock, one I knew all too well. Why is she even bothering to knock? It’s locked from the outside. Kade entered the room with her usual air of authority, her tall, statuesque figure clad in a form-fitting black turtleneck that highlighted her regal bearing. Her hazel eyes, sharp and observant, flickered with a mixture of contentment, control and...concern?

"Good morning, love. Hazel informed me you skipped breakfast again. You shouldn't skip meals like this. I don't want you to faint when you're walking down the aisle. I care for you, alright? For your health. And I know you definitely don't want me to force feed you." Yep. I'd rather kill myself.

"Well forgive me Your Grace, for not eating due to getting literally , kidnapped."

"I am not having this conversation again." She slumped against the couch.

"Ever thought about how I don’t want any of this either?" I watched her jaw tighten as she turned on her laptop and started working on her project, as if my words meant nothing. She always sits in this room to study, turning it into her own workspace. She even had the nerve to ‘introduce’ me to her friends on a Zoom call once, pretending everything was perfectly fine.

Ignoring my complaint entirely, she announced, "The wedding is in August, so you’ve got one month to adjust. Your classes start next Monday."

I decided to play her game and ignore her right back.

"Kade, what will happen if I kill you right now?"

"Death sentence, love." She responded nonchalantly, flashing me a quick, almost amused smile. I scoffed and leaned back into the sofa, staring out the window. "In a way, we’d be reunited," she added with an unsettling calm. God, this woman is next-level delusional.

"If you could be even a tiny bit positive about this, I might consider taking you outside."

"I’m perfectly fine here," she sighed, her eyes still glued to the screen. "Are you sure, love?"

"Yes. Very." I stood up and headed to the bathroom, seeking a brief escape from her presence. When I returned, she was still there, now on a group call with her legs propped up on the table. She gave me a quick wink before turning her attention back to her work.

I decided to use my phone while she was occupied. When she finally left, I knew she'd be back for supper and then dinner. I groaned into the pillow. The door couldn’t be locked from the inside, there was no LOCK! It was clear she’d planned this meticulously, which only made it even more stomach-turning.

As I settled in with a book, a knock at the door interrupted me, distinctly different from Kade’s.

"Can I come in?"

Who the hell--wait a minute. Is that... Princess Romana?! My future sister-in-law. NO! EW! Stop thinking that way! How did I even think of that-?!. I quickly shook off the unsettling thought and answered with a hurried "yes." I had no idea if she’d be as crazy as the rest of this family, but something in my gut told me she was different. I only knew a little about her from the media, she lived in Windsor with her own family, not here in Buckingham.

The door clicked open, and she walked in, looking just as confused as I was.

"Seriously? Whose idea was this?" Before I could even register her question, she muttered to herself, "Who am I kidding—of course it was that sister of mine." She turned to me, her expression softening. "Anyway, um, Deniz. Nice to meet you. I’m Romana, if you-"

"I know, Princess Romana... hi." Damn it, why did I interrupt her? Forget it. Why does it even matter?

"Can we have a talk, if you’re comfortable with that?" She folded her arms and gave me a polite smile, and for the first time in what felt like an eternity, I felt a sense of warmth. She felt like... home. Maybe because she was the first person I’d interacted with besides Kade.

"I-y-yes." I cleared my throat , trying my best to hold back my tears.

"Thank you. Please, have a seat." I moved to the edge of the bed, facing her, still wary of her unexpected appearance.

"I'll be honest with you, okay? And don’t be scared of me. Be as open as you want to be." She paused, her gaze fixed on her folded hands in her lap. "I read the article and was shocked at first, but then I was happy and decided to call Father about this sudden news because my dear sister wasn’t picking up. Then I got a call from someone here, someone loyal to me, who filled me in on the whole-" She licked her lips, searching for the right word-"situation."

That was the final trigger for me, and I let my tears flow.

"God, I am so sorry for what they did to you. What my sister did. I just can’t wrap my head around all of this. It’s bloody diabolical." She gave me a moment to collect myself, her eyes brimming with sympathy and regret.

"Look, Deniz, the situation between Kade and me has been complicated. We started off with a strained relationship, but as we grew older, things improved significantly. We eventually became quite close. I am thoroughly aware that she has a tendency for being stubborn. My father, as you might expect, has always had a special fondness for Kade, which has influenced many of his decisions. I wish I had known about this earlier, I would have done everything I could to intervene. Though, given his position as King, it might not have made a difference."

"It’s not your fault... it was mine."

"No. Don’t blame yourself. This is what I’m trying to explain. Kade has a habit of getting what she wants, and this time she’s gone too far. I had a huge argument with her when I arrived. She shouldn’t have done any of this. But now-" She sighed, her expression heavy with regret. "The articles are out, the press is all over it, the situation has spiraled out of control. As much as it pains me to say this, the marriage is going to happen."

It felt as though my heart was being slashed once again, and all I could do was absorb her words, powerless and numb.

"I wish I could make this better for you. Right now, all I can offer is the small comfort that Kade has failed as a person, but there’s a slim chance she might be a good partner." I shook my head violently and stood up, pacing in front of the window.

"God, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. The reality is, you will have to leave this room eventually and confront the world she’s created outside. I’m not trying to manipulate you or play some sort of Stockholm syndrome game, I’m just stating the facts."

"You don’t have to keep reminding me," I snapped, frustration seeping into my voice. "She comes here every day to make sure I know just how much she’s made my life a nightmare!"

She ran a hand through her sleek black hair and nodded. "I understand. But Deniz, I’m here for you. My wife, Adelyn, is too. We’re both with you. You can call on us anytime, we’re staying here for the time being." She approached me with a somber look. "I’m like your sister, okay? You can trust me. Now, come on. Let’s go outside."

Her words sounded reassuring, so I nodded in agreement.

"Can you gimme a few minutes?"

"Of course. I’ll wait outside." She offered a comforting smile before stepping out. I sighed and wiped away my tears as I sat down to gather my emotions. I felt a bit better than before. The fact that I cried not only from my own situation but also because her presence reminded me of my family touched me deeply. She seemed genuinely honest, a stark contrast to the insufferable Kade. God, why did my stalker have to be a fucking princess? At least a normal person might have faced arrest.

(Kade's POV)

"So, you met my sister?" I was relieved to see you finally eating. It pained me to think of you outside walking with Romana and my sister-in-law as I came back from the gym, but at least you had opened up to someone here. Still, I hated it that it wasn't me.

"What did you two talk about, love?"

"Nothing. Nothing that concerns you." It should fucking concern me. But I’ll let it slide for now, I don’t want you to go silent again. I need to keep you talking. I trust Romana to some extent, but I hope she didn’t poison your mind against me. My fists clenched under the table as I thought about how Romana seemed to have it so easy. She married the love of her life without the struggles I had to endure to be with you. But then again, what kind of love is it if you didn’t have to fight for it? It was such a bittersweet feeling.

"Look, it’s not like I’m keeping you a prisoner here. You could have gone out into the gardens any time."

"Well, I don’t think the lock on my door agrees with that statement." You slammed your spoon down on your plate, your frustration evident.

"Deniz, love, that lock isn’t meant to imprison you. You’re volatile, okay? I can’t have you breaking everything in the palace like—like you did in our room."

"Oh, how marvelous," you retorted, sarcasm dripping from every word. "Are you still not over that? Must be so, so hurtful, right? Even more painful than being forced into a marriage? Tsk. God, one can never fathom the daily struggles of Princess Kade."

I couldn’t help but chortle at your biting sarcasm. "God, Deniz. You’re still the same."

"And you’re even worse," you shot back, your voice laden with exasperation

"I wonder what or who made me like this, hm~..."

"Yourself, Kade." I shook my head, catching a glimpse of Julian returning from his jog over Deniz’s shoulder.

"Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that you’re free to do whatever you want here, except vandalism. Also, I need to discuss our honeymoon trip-"

"Fuck no, Kade." I grabbed your wrist as you tried to head back inside, my frustration evident.

"No, Deniz, we are having this conversation. It’s important."

"NO! EW! How can you even suggest I go with YOU—"

"DENIZ!" I sighed in exasperation, seeing you flinch. God, this is tougher than I thought it would be. "Deniz, love, I just want you to read the schedule. Nothing more, nothing less. You can make changes if you want. I won’t say a word. I promise."

"Well, then cancel it altogether! That is what I WANT!"

"You know that’s not possible. Now please—" You swatted my hand away from your wrist and flopped back down into the chair. "Thank you. Richard." I grabbed the file from him and slid it towards you, which you snatched with your usual resentment. "Don’t ever touch me like that."

I swallowed another wave of pain and annoyance. 'No, no, no. Kade, you have to endure this. I know it’s painful, but it will get better over time. Just focus on how cute she looks reading it and how you can’t wait to take her as your wife'.

(YOUR POV)

The days began to blend into one another, thanks to the interminable classes I was subjected to. I did my best to irritate the teachers, but they remained astonishingly patient. I had never encountered such patience before. Clearly, Kade had trained them well.

Gradually, and unfortunately, I was also taken by Kade to spend time with her family. Thankfully, Romana and her wife, Adelyn, provided a calming presence, along with their adorable 4-year-old son, Idris. I knew I was, in a sense, surrendering, but what choice did I have? I was still aware, as evidenced by my panic attacks. I would never forget what Kade had done to me, no matter how loving she appeared now. I only wished she could understand that.

As my headache returned, I stumbled to the bed, desperately hoping to awaken from this nightmare the next morning. Instead, my mind replayed memories of my previous life, Kade's conversations, Romana’s reassuring words, the King's disapproving glances, and the Queen’s pitying looks. The upcoming interviews and the wedding itself loomed over me. I turned the pillow to the dry side, though it was already damp with tears.

"Just rest, Deniz. Close your eyes. It will be okay. Shhh...just call your parents first thing in the morning."

The earlier walk with Romana replayed in my mind.

"Can you get me divorced from her in the future, then?"

Romana stopped and turned to face me. "That would be possible when I become Queen. I could grant you permission. But that time seems far off, and..." She sighed. "There are other factors to consider, including Kade’s own consent."

"Fuck everything."

"Indeed." Adelyn gently patted my back in sympathy.

Part VI

(AN: Kade be like - but still loving it.)

(Meanwhile the reader)

[elfbitches]

hi :) an update and reintroduction to myself, since its been a long time and things are different now

a lot of very big life-changing things have happened to me since i've been away, some very bad, some very good, all very hard stuff to go through. i moved to another country(!), got married to my partner and best friend of 7 years (!!), and im currently in the process of filing for immigration(!!!). ive also been grappling with mental and physical health issues that, for now at least, need to be managed without professional help which makes the challenging things even harder. but im here, im alive. imperfect, with a lot i need to work on, but im still trying and my life is several lightyears away from what it used to be. ive finally landed where im gonna stay, and now i can finally recover with the stable ground ive been without for my entire life.

ive been wanting to find a way to come back to social media after abstaining for over a year now aside from checking in now and then, and i had this sort of self-imposed pressure to make it something Significant with beautiful artwork to announce my return and signify how hard ive been working on recovering mentally emotionally physically and artistically. so i kept delaying it because nothing ive been making seemed amazing or groundbreaking enough to warrant all the fuss, and in the process depriving myself of basic human interaction because i didnt feel good enough about myself to show up empty-handed. however i now realise that that impulse was the same sort of mentality that got me so catastrophically burnt out so many times before, that my creativity and artistic output is a commodity that needs to meet a certain level of quality to justify it's existence to others, and all i could do was pray that people like it enough to keep paying attention to me. im trying to break out of that, and as such i have nothing to give you other than myself. im not a content creator, i am simply a person who creates.

ive done a lot of reflection on what is important to me this past year, and currently im in a state of flux and change and adjustment in all aspects of my life. ive basically restarted my entire artistic journey and im starting over from scratch in order to make my art something I both love to look at and love making, and neither of those things have been true for many years now. the same goes for how I presented myself and interacted with others during my time on social media, and I understand now what it means when people say "you teach people how to treat you"; it took me a long time to realise that I was unhappy with how people treated me, and that was a direct result of me constantly enabling specific behavior simply because it gave me positive attention (even if it was at my expense most of the time, people-pleasing habits die hard). from now on going forward, i want to give myself the respect i deserve, and be better about establishing healthy boundaries without being the isolated recluse ive become in the past year.

so all that said, hi! you can call me abel or blue :) i work as a remote graphic designer/illustrator for a tea shop in seattle, and live in canada with my husband will and our cat mango cheesecake! im a weird gay stoner with AuDHD and my current obsession and all-encompassing special interest is my multimedia art therapy project called ELFWOOD, and im always working on it in some capacity at any given time. im also a nsfw artist that loves drawing queer porn and doing drugs so suggestive stuff and things relating to weed and psychedelics will be a big thing here. i hope to be brave enough to post art and project updates someday soon, but i want to make sure its something i want for myself and not because i want to rely on external validation. thank u for reading and sticking around if u choose to! if not, thats okay and i hope u have a lovely day anyway :)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for “not being able to keep issues in servers separate”

🌻🌷🌹🥀 (to find later)

this all happened a couple months ago now in mid november-ish so i’m sending this late, but i didn’t want to while the situation was ongoing. for the record me and everyone affected have collectively since left both servers mentioned. so. wee

i (23mtf) do a long of long form roleplay, specifically in public oc-based discord servers. these are servers where people will create a setting and then people can join and insert their ocs into the world, and they’re tons of fun! this is a hobby ive had for years now. it’s really important to me as it’s my main creative outlet and i know a good number of people in the community. i’ll often join servers and recognize at least a handful of people there already

around may last year, i joined a new server and things were great, for a while, but then not long after i joined someone new did, i’ll call her X (34nb) for this. when she first joined the interactions we had were fine, but - and i’m still really not sure why this is, i’m not trying to absolve myself if i did do something but i have no idea what i did to warrant this shift even to this day - a few weeks later she just got… extremely passive aggressive and contrary with me, over silly things. most of it was “in character” but it really stuck out to me. i’d have a character say something marginally unconventional and she’d always, without fail, have one of her characters come in to scold them, even if her characters hadn’t been part of the conversation prior. her characters constantly talked down to or insulted mine. she was always talking ooc about how strange her characters found mine. when i tried to get involved in overarching plots, she would often push me out of them, or insist that my characters were only getting in the way, or would insert her characters to do things i’d stated to the group i wanted mine to do, so i didn’t end up able to do anything. it seemed targeted to me because the main character she was doing this with was known to be very kind to everyone else, but for some reason never had anything nice to say about mine. i know none of this is outright bullying but it wore on me greatly. i tried to confront her on this multiple times to tell her it was making me uncomfortable and to please knock it off, and i tried to get the server mods involved when that failed, but the behavior never really stopped and eventually i was content to just… not interact with her

but then a while later i noticed her treating someone else the same way. i reached out to him about it, and he told me that she had done basically everything she’d done to me to him, and he wasn’t the only one. after snooping around a little more i realized that a lot of people in the server had had this problem with her, totaling 7 of us. 7 of us in the group at the time. some people had dropped characters or outright left the group because of her, so 7 isn’t even everyone because it doesn’t include people she’d already driven out that i couldn’t contact. for reference, this server only had roughly 30 people. even if the number of total members was bigger, 7+ still feels like a lot

i tried to take this to the mods of the server again, but (and this is where i’m unsure if i misstepped) i thought it would be right to bring it up to the mods of a separate, larger server that all of us were in together as well. this server had closed to 50-60 members. in my head, if this person has harassed over half a dozen people like this it’d be silly to assume its only a problem in one group, and even if it wasn’t a problem in this larger server it would be better to make them aware of it so they could keep an eye out

the mods in both servers weren’t happy with me, through. even when all 7 people tried to give testimony, both teams claimed there wasn’t enough evidence to support harassment and that they’d talk to her about it, but this didn’t warrant any further action. keep in mind again i’d already had to go to the mods about this same person before, so they weren’t unaware that this happened to me and they had tried talking to her already. then they told me that it was inappropriate of me to bring this up in a server that wasn’t necessarily involved, and that the 7 of us were ganging up against her and bullying her. and i, especially, had been unfairly targeting her

this confused me greatly! i will admit, it’s likely i’ve been snippier with X than i intended. thats on me, i struggle with tone and i have trouble masking my frustration, but i have never once gone out of my way to make her feel bad. she has a generalized anxiety disorder or some such, and before i realized how many people had this issue with her i had been avoiding her for months. i have no idea what i could have said to her that was taken as bullying, because i haven’t been talking to her, period. when i see her in channels i just mute the channel until it’s passed, ive seriously done everything i could to minimize contact because i figured it was a personal issue. i asked both the mods and her directly, in dms, for examples or screenshots of what i said or did so i could adjust my behavior, and i never got shown any. i still as of typing this don’t know what i did to warrant that being said

the mods said they would give her a warning, but they gave me a warning as well, that if i continued like this i would be booted from both servers. they insisted to me again that i’d been clearly bullying her (did not provide examples) and i never should have brought it up to the other server and gotten them involved. i admit i think they might be right on that last point, but i am iffy. i had (honestly still have) justifiable reason to think X is an unsafe person to be around. she pushes people out of the community and cries and gets meek if she’s ever confronted on it in a way that’s distinctly guilt trippy and makes it hard to communicate. i have previously tried to resolve my issues with her in private and she was never receptive nor did she ever accept accountability, or change her actions. if her target calls her out she just starts doing it to someone else. it’s not like her being in a different server suddenly means she’s a different person. if someone like that is in your server, even if you don’t have “proof” that it’s happened in your group, wouldn’t you want to know about it? they kept insisting it had nothing to do with them and it was wrong of me to get them involved. i kind of think this is a cowardly policy to have, that you won’t act on or acknowledge harassment from your members unless it happens right in front of you and is blindingly obvious, but i don’t know

to be clear, i think X is an asshole, so that’s not what i’m asking about. anxiety disorder or not, she is frankly too old and has done this too many times for me to believe it’s unintentional. even if it is unintentional, she’s still hurting people and makes no effort to change. but i’m wondering if i’m an asshole for bringing it into another server. should i have just kept it in the first group?

What are these acronyms?

[aragonlediagon]

Shingyoku fashion :)

Hi it is me the Shingyoku guy™️ posting of the very specific touhou pc98. Today I finished baking an unsollicited height scale with all my Shingyoku design interpretations :)

Took me a while to arrest them all!! This is quite a wide picture so I made some standalones grouped per pairs, below if youre interested 👇

Felt the need to mention it as some disclaimer: Unless the opposite is mentionned (for one take), all brunettes are men and all redheads are women. (I know this place's userbase seemed less judgy than on other places ive posted before, its just. To not assume some of them are women just because they have long hair 🙄)

1a. Shapeshifter Shingyoku (a kami, my main take). The ones with two tones hair are headcanon additionnal forms (small one being a "weak/rest form" & the dramatic one a "true/complete" form). So these 4 are the same person.

1b. Shingyoku's creators. HC: Shingyoku being a kami born from the fused spirits of 2 shrine officiants. They are humans who reach godhood and lived a long time before HRtP took place.

2. Weird """genderbend""" take. Shingyoku has no canon, but brunette is mostly depicted as a man & redhead as a woman, this take goes the opposite way. I imagine too theyre the gatekeepers in case 1b didnt fuse into the kami Shingyoku. They are youkais (fudakaeshi & oni).

3. A more derivative take. Redhead is a dragon deity from an other planet/realm who arrived on earth (I have a whole worldbuilding WIP). Brunette is human. Both are diviners (redhead refers to Yi Jing, brunette an onmyoji impersonating a priest). They live in some sort of fantasy Heian era. The gates are their final destination tho nothing refering to touhou like names being mentionned (hope I clearly explained it Id like to keep it short)

4. A very derivative take. Both are same species as redhead from 3. My main direction was in general to create a whole species/civilization using Shingyoku's vague concept rather than make something which would fit into touhou lore. So these dont look "touhoulike" at all but are my personal favorite as I went with my own designing style. So they dont live on earth/gensokyo, no touhou terms mentionned, just me wanting more Shingyoku inspired content. It would take me a while to explain what they are, refer to & the worldbuilding of their planet/realm, so Ill dedicate a whole post for them one day. Im just happy a concept as vague/obscure as Shingyoku now inspire me into making my own lore :)

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Thank you for reading I love Shingyoku Touhou Project The Highly Responsive to Prayers heres a bonus them as worms because I would still love them even if they were worms:

:))))))

Maybe for some people ALL of these designs will look very derivative and "they dont look like the sprites!!" but

Im an old fashion student with a degree, I love making designs since years

The sprites have very simple designs, maybe for some its not a bad thing, but ive always been more interested in the more ornated designs, I wished to enhance the designs a bit. I love Shingyoku I want them to be extra!

Not just about simplicity but the balance of flow as well. I dont straight up interpret a design from its base material especially for such old sprites. I treat the sprites elements more as a list of "to add" reccurences (to not say "pr*mpts, I hate that word now). I initially dont love Shingyoku for their design, rather the history I have with them, its hard for me to appreciate most fanarts of them. But this is a whole topic regarding touhou pc98 chara design which deserves its own post for an other day.

[onlyplatonicirl]

boom explosion. guess what its been 2 years since i came into your ask box to bother you about blogverse!!! as usual its the roleplayer behind the first lorelcest kid Oleander, Mercury, and most importantly to me, Bv!Shandyo

genuine apologies if you dont enjoy these! thats pretty fair and i get that it didnt affect everyone else as strongly as it did me, i just feel like its important that you know how much youve affected my life positively.

so, i was a bullied, neglected kid with unsupervised internet acess when blogverse happened (still a kid just less, woo!) and blogverse, especially your blog was probably the only part of the internet that i genuinely believed changed me for the better.

the sense of belonging, escapism, and the opportunity to create a character and show them to others like me was incredibly beneficial for me as a person and an artist in the long run, and to this day making OCs, writing, and especially drawing are passions that i consider deeply important to me- passions that blogverse and its community didnt exactly start, but they played a big role in fostering it. i know you just accidentally one day made an entire community that lasted two months but i cannot stress to you enough that it changed my life and i cant thank you & queenie (unsure if they still go by that, sorry) enough for it.

I also majorly admired you (and many others in a lot of the communities you associated with, but especially you) greatly as a person, artist & writer!!! you were my art goal and while that's changed as ive grown, striving towards this goal nurtured a hobby that i now know was/is a special interest to me.

while probably seeming like minor interactions with some kid who didnt know how to write a consistent character to you, to me your patience, kindness & continual creation of art genuinely helped me retreat from my abusive home life, gain a sense of belonging as a bullied autistic child, get better at art n writing, & grow as a person. i still lurk in communities like blogverse, but bv was my first and forever will be cherished in my memory.

so yeah. the things you do affect people whether you think so or not, and while i dont majorly interact with your content anymore, i hope youre well n you keep being great. :)

I want you to know that I’m at a friend’s house right now and she’s cooking herself dinner. I’m reading this paragraph and I literally start tearing up in front of her and she asks me what’s wrong 😭😭😭

Legitimately I feel like I have somehow won at life, like I won a lottery, because I don’t possibly know what I did to deserve messages like this and it makes me feel so amazing to know that I have positively effected the life of another person. That’s all I can hope for in life, and I can feel how much heart went into this letter so I’m trying to respond in turn

Even though at the time of all of this I had just around turned 18 years old, I was still very much a kid who was also trying to escape from a less-than-ideal home life. I never expected an audience when writing tcoti, it was purely my own self-indulgent passion project with my own hyper-specific headcanons. The fact that other people resonated with it so much and it created so many other inspirations as completely unexpected and absolutely baffling to me. I could have never seen it coming in a million years. It changed MY life for the better to know a my own silly utmv ideas literally inspired like. Countless others

I’m also going to share this post with Queenie, because they NEED to see this. Blogverse was her passionate project and I think to know you were as touched by it as she was and loved the writing is amazing. Also I’m showing Slime. @cosmic-chronologer look at this post with your eyes. I didn’t contribute with the writing as much as I should have because of how busy I was, and the real masterminds behind the project go to Slime Queenie and Achro. I hope they see this message!!!!

Thank you for telling me about the positive impact me and the others have had on you, it genuinely makes me so happy to hear. I’m SO happy you’re still continuing to create!! Most of my utmv friends back from then have left the fandom obv but I’m still in contact with most of them :) it means so much to me that you told me, because otherwise I would have never known how you feel!!!!!

I wish you have been well all these years. I loved all the ship kids you made :))))))