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sgt-scottymoreau · 11 months ago

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New Year

(With art!)

Summary: Scotty propose to Ghost to spend the new year with her family. It's not that he doesn't want, but this time of the year, the holidays always bring him bad memories. A past he has buried deep and doesn't want to dig up again.

Warning: None

Word: 4.4k // AO3 // Masterlist

A/N: Because the reboot has given us nothing about Ghost's past, I'm taking his OG backstory as my canon for now. Unless we are given something different, this is it. I wrote this a little while ago as well, earlier this year when I wasn't too sure how Ghost handle the mask situation. So it's a bit all over the place as I tried to correct how I see it now. Surgical like in public, more or less private environment balaclava, at home in intimacy none. Art was done in a semi rush lol ignore the hands please!

After everything that happened, they were more than glad when their request had been accepted and were able to take a week of leave, just in time to spend New Year somewhere. At first, they thought about staying in England, probably only the two of them staying at home and taking it easy. However Scotty received a message from her family asking if she would be able to spend the holidays with them. Come to think of it, it has been a long time since she was able to be around for either Christmas or New Year celebrations. Sitting on the couch, she glanced at Ghost who was watching the TV, not paying too much attention to her conversation back and forth with Gabrielle. Scotty was a little torn apart. On one hand, she wanted to spend the time with her family but would Ghost follow? If not he would be alone. Which on the other hand, wasn't something she wanted.

“Simon?” She asked softly. He replied with just a hum. “Gabrielle is asking if I want to spend New Year with the family and I was thinking that maybe I could accept the invitation.”

“You do whatever you want, love.” His gaze never moved from facing forwards.

“Would you… come with me?” The question took him by surprise and he did turn to face her this time.

“I’m not so sure it’s a good idea…” “If it’s because of the mask, Gabrielle and the boys already know you. I suppose only my parents might be surprised, but they will understand. Especially if we say you just have a very bad scar you don’t want people to see.”

He scoffed at the remark. Scotty could see on his face that he was thinking, probably considering all the possibilities, trying to find the best option. Even outside of work, his tactical mind was racing. His face remained impassive for a moment, before he finally gave his answer. “I’ll pass, for this time.”

Scotty understood, despite a small pinch to the heart. With a smile, she told him it was fine and she might get a train ticket in the morning. She exchanged a few more messages with her sister, before calling it night. She kissed him on the cheeks before heading for the bedroom.

Ghost remained in the living room till way past midnight. He cursed himself since she had left, because he had seen behind her smile. It was not completely fine. He understood her desire to have him with her, in a season many considered the time to be with your loved ones and family. But what did he know of that? Whatever family he had, the little glimpse of something remotely close to it had been taken from him long ago after years of hard time. To put it lightly. He knew very little of a warm and lovable family. He saw it when they stayed at her sister's place earlier this year. Not that it had been planned, but Ghost saw how life could have been if his own brother and his family were still there. Maybe not as close as Camille and Gabrielle looked like, but something decent he bet. It was this that he didn’t share anymore. That complicity, that caring, that love. He experienced this but so late in his life and then it has been removed from right under him. It was a bitter taste in his mouth that he didn’t expect to go away, ever.

Barely listening to whatever program was on, Ghost turned the TV off and went to bed. Silently, he slipped between the bedsheets, trying his best to not make the bed shift too much under him. She rolled around, still sleeping. He watched her. She was so peaceful, so beautiful. It was these kind of vulnerable thoughts he learned to have and accept. Enjoying the moments together, to the point that even the most mundane thing, such as right now, did give him a sense of happiness. He turned on his back, staring at the ceiling while his mind couldn’t turn off. Ghost felt already so undeserving of her; her family would be something else. He could already imagine a disapproving father, an horrified mother and a judgemental sister. The latter probably only sees him enough as a workmate, but not as a partner. His chest felt like he was about to explode, suffocating with so much emotions all at once. In her sleep, Scotty turned around again, this time her arms wrapping on his chest as she held herself close to him. In the silent night, this gesture appeased his raging mind.

After an hour of battling with his thoughts, and the fact that in general he barely sleeps, his hand flew, slowly, to the night stand to grab his phone. Ghost's fingers quickly typed the location, checked prices and after a few back and forth, he put his phone back down. It was almost three in the morning by now and he had to wake up with her. Or at most, before her.

Scotty woke up the next morning. She was all alone. This didn’t surprise her, it wasn’t unusual for Ghost to fall asleep on the couch, in the most uncomfortable position. He would say that it’s almost natural to him. With the army, you get sleep wherever and whenever you can. A quick check on her phone placed the day at eight in the morning. After breakfast, she could still look for a ticket and hopefully find something either later in the day or early next morning, on New Year’s eve. Scotty grabbed the first sweater she could find, lazily made her way to the kitchen. She wanted to take it easy, before having to possibly rush. She turned the corner to the room she was heading to and stopped in the arch. Ghost was already there, kettle brewing and eggs cooking. “Did you even sleep?” She asked with her usual look of ‘if you didn’t I’ll be mad at you because you know I want you to’.

“I did. A little five hours or so.” Scotty smiled on her way to the cupboard to grab mugs and sugar. Ghost brought the full plates to the table, picked up the tea and just like this, they started the day.

“If it’s okay with you, I’ll try to leave this afternoon.” Scotty said, sipping her warm drink. “It’s a long ride home and it’s already so late for New Year.”

“The train leaves at one this afternoon.” Ghost dropped before taking a bite of his food. Her eyebrows frowned. This had been said way too casual.

“What do you mean?”

“I bought tickets last night… at three in the morning while I couldn’t sleep. Now you have to tell them about my ugly face.” He smirked. A grin spread on her smile so big her cheeks hurted. She knew how much he wasn’t fond of social interaction with strangers and she really appreciated this act.

*****

After a long five hour trip, they arrived late in the day in Belgium, where her parents lived. Gabrielle was the one to pick them up at the train station. Camille had kept it silent on Ghost tagging along, which explained Gabrielle's confused expression when she saw her sister's colleague. To make himself less intimidating he had his balaclava instead of his stitches mask he wore on the first time he met her, something he switched from the surgical mask he wore in the train once they were out of the station. Still Gabrielle wanted answers.

"Why is he here?" She asked while giving her sister a hug.

Right! Camille realized she hadn't told anyone yet about her relationship… Between work, the most recent attempt at stopping Hassan, and being unsure how this whole thing would work out, telling her family had been a second thought. "Remember how you teased me about you know what?"

Gabrielle had to pick up her jaw from the floor. "From everyone in your team, you really went with the masked man?!"

Ghost watched the two women conversing. Following that it was about him, between the stare and pointing. And by the reaction of the sister, he understood that he was a surprise on many levels. Who said he needed to know French? Deduction was also good. Gabrielle went from a very excited person to a more worried expression once the information sinked in good. "Mom and dad have no idea he is here and still doesn't know you are dating? Damn it Cam! You gonna give them a heart attack!"

They were in the parking lot while Gabrielle still looked a little upset. Camille rassured Ghost it wasn't his fault. It was her mistake for not telling anyone. "He could at least not wear that thing…" Looking at him in the rear mirror and gesturing around her face.

Ghost finally made his first sentence to her. "The mask stays on because no one needs to see how ugly I look."

Gabrielle blushed furiously when she got caught. "I mean no offense sir. It's just that… this is not really… good for a first impression."

"Don’t worry Gabby, all will be fine. I can quickly call mom, explain to her the surprise and… yeah tell them about his ugly scar once we are there. I'm sure they will understand." Ghost felt a certain uncomfort all the sudden. The situation was getting awkward, because of him. That is why he kept social interaction to a minimum. Not everyone was fond of his mask. But for Scotty? He would do anything. Being in a tense situation wasn’t so different from their mission right? Scotty called her parents, getting a rather loud reaction on the other side of the phone from her mother. He heard the joy even on the back of the car and wondered if Scotty had gone deaf. He softly smiled, with a pinch to his heart. Some memories he thought he buried deep came back to haunt him. He glanced at the outside trying to change him and hopefully not be thinking about any of them.

They arrived at a small house a few minutes later. The engine had barely come to a stop, when the door flung open with two little boys dashing to the car. Camille barely had the time to get out; they were already in her arms, much happy to see her again. Nicolas was the first to notice the guest. "You brought the ghost man!" He said with a smile. At least with kids, she had no reason to explain why. They would just be happy. At least for Nicolas, Mathéo shyly said hi to him before running burying his face in her aunt's neck.

"Mathéo, could you please give your aunt time to arrive before monopolizing her!" An older voice came from the entrance. There stood a woman, with graying hair but still elegant. The boy wiggled to get down and ran back inside. "So is that the man you told me about on the phone?"

Camille nodded. The mother looked at Ghost, as if she was analyzing who he was. "Why the mask?"

"He… was injured recently on duty and doesn't want anyone to see how bad it is." She lied. Oh she hated doing this but what option did she have? "He doesn't speak French, mom." The old woman looked at her daughter. "He is British."

"What! Henri! Your daughter brought back a man home from war and he is a british! God." The woman returned inside to find her husband who was still busy with some preparation. Gabrielle looked at her sister with a look that meant everything. She said she would give a minute to explain the situation to Ghost. Which Scotty did.

"Don't worry they don't hate you!" Scotty said after closing the door behind him. She took his coat and hung it with the others. "It's just a silly thing about French and English getting along so well, right? Even though we are not actually French."

"Can't let go of century old grudges." He scoffed. He looked around the hallway, seeing picture frames hung. Some with very young versions of Scotty, others of more recent ones. Other family portraits that range in the same time line. He stopped on two frames side by side. One was Scotty which seemed to be after her military graduation. The frame next to it had the same idea, but looked older and with a younger man posing.

"My dad is a retired air force. My mom never really liked that I followed in his step and joined the army." Scotty explained. Ghost nodded. A clearing throat caught their attention. The two of them turned their heads to face an old man who, on second thought, reminded Ghost a lot of Price. With a bit more white in his hair, a lot more wrinkles and a missing eye? ‘’Papa!’’

‘’Tulip! So is that the stranger man your mother have been mumbling about out?’’ He extended his hand to Ghost, who quickly handshaked it. ‘’I’m Henri, pleased to meet you young man.’’

‘’Thanks, sir. I hope you excuse that I would rather like to be called Ghost, and the mask.’’

‘’No worries sonny. Back in my days, I knew a few people like you. Some like privacy. Alright right, come in. Diner was almost ready.’’ The dinner went as good as it could have. Despite the rather strange first meeting with Suzanne, the mother, she showed to accept him. She kept filling his plate to Camille's amusement. Some light chatting, Gabrielle and Nathan saying how everything was going back at home, Camille sort of telling some assignments that happened without too much details and Henri telling his favorite story of how he lost his left eye many years ago while he was still in the army. After getting their stomach full, Henri brought them to the second guest room, which used to be Camille’s room. Completely redone of course. They unpacked some of their luggages and decided to call it a night after a long day of traveling.

‘’Is everything alright?’’ Scotty had noticed him being stiff during the dinner, even if he was all smiling and respectful.

‘’It was a little overwhelming, but I’m good.’’ He pressed a kiss on her forehead. ‘’Don’t worry, love.’’ However this had been a few hours since he said this and he was still wide awake in the dark of the night while she was sleeping. His mind was flooded by old memories that he couldn’t keep down in the silence of the room. Ghost had tried to put it down, but seeing Scotty’s mother and her nephews, everyone gathered like this… It hurted him. It reminded him of the last Christmas he ever experienced all of that atmosphere. And this was only day one of their trip. He wondered if he would be able to go through all of it. His mind tortured him for another hour before sleep gave him relief.

The next morning, Suzanne was already ready to prepare the big meal for tonight right after breakfast, her two girls and her grandsons helping here and there. Camille was busy with Nicolas mixing the dough for some cookies when her mother asked a question that made her roll her eyes. ‘’Do you even know what he looks like under that mask or you just choose the first man you saw?’’

‘’Mom… Yes I know what he looks like. When we are at home, he doesn’t wear it all the time. At least dad understand.’’

‘’Young lady, don’t put words in my mouth! I do understand why, it just…’’

‘’He looks cool mamie!’’ Nicolas interrupted. ‘’He looks like a badass ninja!’’ They all chuckled at his comment. Mathéo came into the kitchen and pulled on Camille’s jeans. He gestured at her to bend so he could whisper something to her. She was surprised by his request, but agreed nonetheless. Holding him by the hand, they walked to the living room where Ghost, Nathan and Henri were talking. Mostly the two young men listening to the elder telling military stories. Back in his glory days. Camille took a seat next to Ghost, with Mathéo still sticking to her with his toy in his hand.

‘’Ghost? Little one here wants to play with you.’’ She told him, lifting the boy on her lap. ‘’He’s a little shy. Come on Matt, show him your truck.’’ The boy showed him the toy, telling him that it was his grandpa who gave him it for Christmas. The language barrier and the mask made it hard for Mathéo to see that Ghost was paying attention to him, so Scotty had to play a bit of a translator along the way. Ten minutes later, the boy was sitting on Ghost’s lap with more toys that he brought to him beforehand. Scotty was itching to snap pictures of this moment, but she knew this would mean her getting closer to death. She could already hear him making her promise to never tell any of this to the others. That would tarnish his ‘reputation’. Suzanne called Camille back to the kitchen leaving Ghost alone with the kid. The lieutenant kept playing with him, under the careful watch of the patriarch. Ghost did catch his glances. They radiated something different. He was used to his father’s cold stares and terrible behavior. But here, between Nathan and Henri, it was different. These two men looked like they cared about their children. Was that how it was to have a good father?

Camille finished cleaning her hands when Ghost showed up in the door frame of the kitchen, slightly crouching. Mathéo was all giggling on his shoulders avoiding the wall above him. ‘’Would you look at that!’’ Scotty smiled.

‘’Hey! I also want Ghost to carry me!’’ Nicolas whined before he went to Ghost and begged to be held. The Brit didn’t say anything, simply bent to allow him to climb on his arm. She watched the scene unfold with a smile. No one would believe it if she said how sweet Ghost was with kids. That didn’t stop her from finally giving in and taking a heartwarming picture. She promised him to never show it to anyone.

The rest of the day went rather well, playing board games together, chatting, playing with the kids and eventually setting up for the evening. Ghost had been able to relax more around them and enjoy the time, to his surprise. Till Henri said these words. "You know Ghost, you are a good man. I'm glad to have you here with us!"

This was followed by everyone around the table cheering for that. But Camille had learned to read Ghost's eyes. She had learned to figure out what he was hiding behind the mask. Thankfully this was just after the meal and she could find an excuse. She stood up and grabbed him by the shoulder. "I'm feeling so full, I need fresh air, you wanna come with me?"

While the other men cleaned the table, leaving their wives some time to rest easy, Scotty and Ghost went to the backyard. It was cold enough that their breath would fog each time. But the sky was clear, leaving a great view of the stars above them. The outside was calm compared to the living room filled with laughter. Ghost leaned on the balcony rail, taking a deep breath. "Simon, are you sure everything is alright?" She leaned next to him. "You look tense. Like something is on your mind. What is it?"

Where to start? How to explain? Could he even say everything? Should he? Or keeping some secrets? So many questions and no answers. He groaned, taking his head in his hands. "I don't want to ruin this trip…" He let out.

"How? So far everyone likes you. Nothing has gone wrong. We are just having good times all together."

Nothing has gone wrong… This is what he thought a few years ago before it all went wrong. He sighed and turned to her. Ghost had let himself be so vulnerable with her. He allowed himself to have feelings, to love. She even saw his face before Soap did and he had known Soap for longer than her! He lets her, and loves, when she calls him by his real name! This was more than anyone he let in his life do. But would he be able to be this open to her? No one knew about his past because this was pointless. Or so he thought. "I… used to have a family. A mother. A brother. He had a wife and a nice little boy." Ghost confessed. "I had to drag my brother out of trouble before he had settled down. He was always grateful I did so."

Scotty didn't say a word. She let him say what he had to. He quickly recapped the trouble he encountered with a drug dealer, which was much worse than she expected. Then weeks later on Christmas, he was unexpectedly visited by a teammate from the same mission. They went out for a drink and it was only later that he realized that it was too late. "When I figured out Sparks and Washington were not who they used to be, I ran back home. I had a bad feeling. When I got there, I had lost them all. It was a gruesome scene, I won't lie." He was fidgeting with his fingers.

"I'm sorry Simon…" Her arm wrapped around his, leaning her head on his shoulder. "That's why you didn't want to come? You knew it might bring memories you didn’t want to think of?" He nodded. "I'm sorry. I forced you…"

"You didn't force me. Remember I'm the one who bought the tickets here."

"Still! I'm sorry if seeing us being happy and festive brought back some bad memories." He rested his head on hers. It did but, it also brought some happy memories before that all happened. He wasn't completely against the whole trip. "You did not mention your dad? Did he also die that day?"

The question pierced him. Of course if he brought up his family, the heartless bastard would also be part of the conversation. "No. He died long before that… He was an asshole. Yours is much better."

Scotty didn't push the subject more on him. "Well you can have him as your father then." Ghost turned to her, frowning. "Just like you can have everyone else as your family. They consider you family now. Family isn't just blood, it is also the people around you, who care about you."

Ghost's shoulders began to shake as he tried to keep it together but he eventually let himself cry. Scotty's eyes widened, she never saw the lieutenant like this."Bloody hell, I must look stupid now." He tried to laugh between two sobs.

"Stupid? No. Human? Yes. Come on Ghost, you went through so much bullshit, you probably never gave yourself the time to grief, to experience a second chance. Now, you just get both at the same time. I bet it's more overwhelming than bringing down a terrorist." He nudged her. She chuckled and pressed a kiss on her his head.

"Don't tell anyone about what just happened."

"Like anyone would believe me if I said you cried. They will ask me if I didn't hurt my head somewhere." They laughed. Ghost dried his eyes, before turning to face her, lifted his mask above his lips and kissed her.

"You know, I think my mum would have liked you." He softly said.

"I bet she was a good person. What about going back in for dessert before they think we ranaway?" Ghost agreed. They returned with the rest of the family. Ghost had a small change, a little more relaxed attitude to what she could tell. The rest of the evening went well till midnight rang. Everyone cheered for the new year, wished each other best and health for it and hopefully they could have more moments like this. The twins tried to stay awake longer but ten minutes after cheers, they were knocked out. Camille proposed that Ghost and her brought them to be, giving the parents a little break. They didn't refuse the proposition.

When they went themselves to bed, a little after one, and after receiving a bunch of messages from the rest of the 141 for the New Year, Ghost remained awake a little longer, this time the silence wasn't torture to his mind. It was like he made peace with his demons… or some of them at least. He made peace with his past and was ready to look forward. Would that allow him to sleep more at night? No not really, that was another story. But being close to Scotty made him more safe than ever. He was grateful for this.

A few days later, Ghost and Scotty were back on the train to return home. Her family appreciated their visit and welcomed Ghost into their house anytime. Camille knew that once they are gone Gabrielle will be more than eager to tell all about that one time they crashed at her place and her first impression on the lieutenant. Ghost was mindlessly watching the landscape after waking up from a quick nap, when she tugged on his arm. "Mathéo made me promise to not let you see this before we get home."

"Well then don't show me." He smiled.

She kept unfolding a paper. "Well we just came out of the tunnel, we are in England. In a way home. So… just look at this." She handed him said paper. Ghost looked at it, his eyes still a little dizzy from the fast moving scenery. It looked like the boy tried to draw his family. Well as much as his art skill allowed them. Strange hands, very big or small proportions, attempt at coloring. But he could make out who was who. Everyone was holding hands, even including him. Mathéo struggled at drawing the skull but there was no doubt it was him. He felt another pinch to his heart.

"Are you not gonna start crying again, are you Lt?" Scotty teased him.

"You wish." He replied, holding any burst of emotion. Not this time. "I think we have to hang it on the fridge when we are home."

"That would be nice." Ghost held on to the drawing a little longer. He had found another family again.

#cod fanfic #call of duty fanfic #cod oc #simon ghost riley #oc:camille scotty moreau #ghost x scotty #series: wie goed doet goed ontmoet

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magnus-sm-writes · 6 months ago

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May 2024 Monthly Wrap-Up

Didya miss me? I’ve posted several 10k word updates this month, so this monthly wrap-up will be a little different. I don’t get a lot of attention on my 10k updates or my monthly wrap-ups, so this is mostly for myself and my favorite coworker/friend who reads my blog. Hi!

May has been… mm. Fun. Writing-wise, it’s been a month of editing short stories, making introductions, and continuing Greenest. I adore writing Greenest and my short stories, so I’ve been having a pretty good time with it all!

That is, until I got a little burnt out at the end.

My day job is decently intense, let’s just say. We’re constantly making and breaking our records this year trying to hit the record demand this year. It’s been… a lot. All hands on deck, really. Following the conclusion of my Big Work Project, I’ve just been a little out of it. Exhausted, irritable, bored with it all. I’ve been doing some intense self-care to try getting out of it, but I do genuinely think it’s all just a result of working so hard for so long. It’s going to be like this until July, so I’m trying to maximize my relaxation time out of work.

Y’know, because it’s always super important to try to squeeze the most relaxation out of your self-care time. A super healthy way to look at self-care.

It’s hard for me not to throw myself into my work and get way too involved, whether it’s my day job or my writing. Everything is personal to me. And I’m a perfectionist, which makes it worse. I easily exhaust myself.

I’m going to attempt not to burn out next month. Fingers crossed.

WHAT HAVE I WRITTEN?

I’m not sure what I should call my editing, since it’s part rewrite, part editing. So I think I’m going to separate things pretty loosely based on what I rewrote or what I edited. If I did the first couple rounds of edits (rewrites), they’ll be there. If I did the second round of edits (line edits), they’ll be in the “editing” section. A distinction no one but me cares about, but it’s important to me.

I wrote the ending for “The Boy & the Hag Stone”, which I hand-wrote months back and had yet to digitize. I much prefer this ending to the original. Then I quickly did my first round of edits (rewrites), because I was excited that I’d finished it and super motivated to write more of it. As I mentioned in my first May 10k post, Banshee is a pretty fun character to write for, and I love him with all my heart.

The next short story I edited was my AI story “Certain Boundaries”, which got named this month! Good for it. I’ve been struggling to find a good name for this bad boy for some time, and when it comes to it, I think “Certain Boundaries” suits the content quite well. There are boundaries that are crossed.

(I’m pretty sure that I ripped that title from a lecture in college. A lot of my titles in my Title Inspo document are quotes from conversations I’ve had. Like my story “One Screen to Another”, which I borrowed from my lovely professor Jennifer.)

“Certain Boundaries” had a rewrite. I’d never been fully happy with it before, despite the numerous rewrites it’s received since its inception. The last time I watched Ex Machina was in… 2022, I think, which is when this idea came about. I’ve been working on it since. Not the longest I’ve spent on a work (that award goes to Lessons in Humanity from a Future Physicist, with a whopping ten years and going), but a large piece of time to be unsatisfied with a work with a word count under 5k.

I’ve been working on my goal of writing more for Greenest. Greenest is one of my oldest fantasy novels because it is around three years old. Maybe I should eat a cupcake in its honor? I’m sipping a glass of pineapple chili wine (my personal favorite wine, semi-sweet and spicy, something I think Mavuto would adore), so I’ll take a couple mouthfuls for Greenest and Sigma, my beloved son.

I did write a character intro for Sigma. He’s one of my favorite and longest-running fantasy characters, being optimistic, sweet, excited to learn, full of love, and green. Sigma is a pretty unique character in my line-up because he is optimistic and full of joy because he grew up in a blood cult and never lost his childlike innocence. My son is just like me.

Mostly, I worked on one of my favorite scenes: the one where Valor and Sigma meet Experiment #24. Yes, I’ve written it about three times. Yes, I’m going to continue writing it as I continue to develop them all as characters. As Sigma has grown as a character, his perspective has become more and more unique. Instead of being a self-absorbed, vain bastard looking to have a cosmetic procedure done, he is a naïve young man trying to understand himself. I guess they’re for similar reasons—the procedure is cosmetic in nature—, but the core behind them is different. This Sigma is ten years younger. He isn’t the same person I wrote about when I first wrote the meeting between him, Valor, and Experiment #24.

To put it shortly, I’ve been rewriting pivotal scenes as my characters change. As the plot of the Greenest series has changed and I’ve come up with more plot points, I have to go back and fix things. Especially pivotal scenes in the first book of the series!

So, yes, this is one of my favorite scenes for the series. It’s… fun. Neat. Sigma’s full of excitement about seeing the curiosity cabinets in Dr. Von Stromm’s surgery the same way I would be. I got to come up with all sort of fun, gothic medical trinkets that I could describe. That’s my paradise! I have a whole Etsy page dedicated to gothic shit I want to put in a curio cabinet! It’s my interest!

10/10, I have been having the best time with writing this scene. I could describe everything through Sigma’s eyes and have the time of my life.

Shockingly, I also wrote something for Lessons in Humanity from a Future Physicist. This book, if you’ve been around for a while, is my everything. I’ve been working on Lessons in Humanity for ten long, long years, and still, every time I write for it, I get giddy like it’s the first time I’ve ever written anything for it.

It’s a super simple scene about change and hating your friend’s taste in romantic partners. That universal bitchy conversation I think we’ve all had. (If you have a friend with bad taste in partners, you know what that’s like.)

It was just… fun. Really fun, actually. I’d been in a writing slump until I wrote that scene, and it helped me crest that.

EDITS

Yeehaw, editing section!

This month has been very edit-heavy. I don’t love editing, per se, but I do know it’s important to the process of being published and improving my work. Call me Sister Mary Loquacious (from Good Omens), because I never shut the fuck up. Editing is vital to keeping my works readable.

And dammit, I need to get published to get my name out there. Literary magazines are the only time when exposure is actually an acceptable form of payment.

(FYI to anyone who doesn’t know: most literary magazines are unpaid because all the money that they possibly make goes into producing the magazine. They are a labor of love from the volunteer staff. Please remember that. I worked on a literary magazine and didn’t see a cent because everything went into printing.)

So I did a lot of editing this month. Much more than I typically do. So much so that I made an edit to my goal of hitting daily word count for next month. I’m deciding that I’m going to consider myself successful if I either hit my word count or edit for an hour. A little treat, if you will.

The editing I did ranged from complete rewrites (addressed previously) to line edits, the most tedious type of editing. Have you ever wanted to read your work so much that even looking at it pisses you off? You, my friend, need to line edit.

But it’s useful. I cut down a good amount of superfluous words. Which is what I’m certain people would love me to do with my writing updates. But my blog has no word limit, so I get to be as Extra as I want! Ha!

WHAT HAVE I READ?

Reading was pretty sparse this month in favor of writing. In fact, I didn't finish a single book, which is kinda sad for me. It's just been a long long for me.

SUBMISSIONS

I met my submission goal this month! For putting myself out there, I am quite pleased. None of these submissions were through Submittable, which meant I had to either fill out one of the magazine’s forms or send an email. And I had to use manuscript format. Luckily, my Publishing class (and the professor for that, who is a saint) prepared me for this sort of situation.

If you’ve never done manuscript format, it’s a little bit like giving yourself a headache trying to figure out if the title is the correct amount of spaces down the page and how much of the title you should include in your header. A nightmare! And you use Courier New, which is the same font used in screenplays. As someone who likes a nice, bold font, it’s… different. Definitely different.

I refuse to let this ruin my excitement at having met my goal. A little headache is nothing compared to the high of reaching one of my (absolutely-obtainable) goals for this month.

I was hoping to maybe get a couple more submissions squeezed out before the end of the month, but we did inventory yesterday, and spending so much time walking around the factory left me in so much pain I didn't do much once I got home. It kinda sucked. But that's okay. I need rest to heal from my pulled foot muscle.

GOALS!!!!!

This month has been alright with my goals. I started off ambitious and charging full speed ahead with a library and cafe visit in one weekend, then met 20k words before half the month was over.

Then the burnout happened, and I wasn’t really feeling audiobooks, and so on and so forth.

What I’m trying to say is, I did okay at hitting my goals for the month. That’s why I set them to be achievable, if slightly ambitious. I’m hoping to hit my goals, even when I’m feeling pretty meh for half the month. That’s part of setting myself up to succeed.

When it came to goals I did achieve, I’m decently satisfied with them.

Submit to 3 literary magazines

Go to library 2 times

Finish 4 poems

Write in cafe 3 times

Maintain submission & word count journals

Make monthly wrap-up

Continue Greenest

Edit Q1 short stories

Here are the goals I did not meet:

Finish 2 audiobooks

Read 10 pages/listen to 10 minutes of audiobooks every day

Post to Instagram 4 times a week

Write 500 words a day

Finish reading 4 books

Finish 1 short story

A lot of these are “number” goals, or “every day” goals. I can be pretty bad at consistency. I often “break the chain”. The way I work isn’t exactly the most sustainable for every day. Sometimes I write 3k in one day, and I don’t write anything original the next. (Fanfiction isn’t counted, though if it were, I would consistently be hitting my word goals.) I wasn’t particularly feeling very interested in reading books either. It was a bit of a “blah” month in some aspects.

However, the goals I completed were the most important to me. So I didn’t technically meet my word goal every single day, and I didn’t finish my two audiobooks or finish four books, and I didn’t write a brand-new short story. What I did do (especially submitting to all of the literary magazines and editing my short stories) was more important. It’s what I need to do in order to meet my publication goals. I’ve got an okay-ish backlog of short stories that need edited and published for the moment. So though I didn’t meet all my “super achievable goals!!!!”, I’m alright with that. I like documenting when I technically “fail” so I can track what works for me and what doesn’t.

NEXT MONTH’S GOALS!!!!!

I’ve been thinking a lot about intentionality lately. Finding what works for me and doing it on purpose. A little riff of that Dolly Parton quote. What is sustainable for me? What goals do I consistently meet? What goals do I consistently fail? How can I set myself up for success?

I have high hopes for June. I have high hopes for every month, of course, but Pride Month is… special to me. As I feel it is for most queer people. (Not all; my husband doesn’t particularly care about Pride Month, but he’s… a little weirdo [affectionate].)

At the very least, I hope the fruits of my labor begin to crop up, so to say. I’ve had a couple submissions cooking for a while that I’ve got high hopes will find a home somewhere in the month of June. Maybe it’s silly to rely on gut feelings when I have so many digestive issues. But I stay silly.

I’m keeping my goals mostly in-line with what I’ve been doing the past couple of months, with some adjustments. Mostly numbers.

My goals for June are:

Submit to 4 literary magazines

Go to library 2 times

Finish 1 audiobook

Finish 5 poems

Read 10 pages/listen to an audiobook for 10 minutes

Post to Instagram 4 times a week

Write in a cafe 3 times

Submission & word count journals

Write monthly wrap-up

Continue romance novels

Write 500 words a day/edit for 1 hour

Finish reading 2 books

Finish 1 short story

Edit Q1 short stories

Write 10k updates

ABOUT THE ROMANCE NOVELS

So, I mentioned romance novels in my goals for June. This is because I’ve actually been cooking up a couple romance novels in the background for a little while. Nothing super super serious, but I’ve had a secret Pinterest board for them for about half a year, and playing all the HuniePop and Baldur’s Gate 3 that I do definitely gives a guy ideas. Partner that with the delicious rumor about me dating my favorite coworker, you have the perfect recipe for some romance novels.

Mostly, they fall into my same favorite tropes: friends to lovers, fake dating, reunions, only one bed. That sort of thing. My old tried and trues. Thinking about trying to do an office romance, but workplace romances squick me out most of the time. They’re kinda HR nightmares. And since my mother is an HR manager, I don’t really need more of those.

My current favorite one is (title likely to change) Home for the Holidays, a friends to lovers fake dating at Christmas thing that has so much fluff and nostalgia in it that it makes my damn teeth hurt. I’m a sucker for queer people with messy flirtationships with their friends (as a queer person who has had a lot of messy flirtationships with my friends), so of course I have to write that sort of thing to please the Muse (me).

So, Home for the Holidays features Oscar Moody and Viko Volkova. Mama Moody invites Oscar and his “sweet boyfriend from those Instagram posts” to the Moodys for Christmas, and Viko seizes the opportunity to have a family Christmas after not having one for years (homophobic family back in Serbia). Oscar and Viko have a lovely Christmas in Cincinnati that features all of Ohio’s Biggest Winter Hits, a good time with the Moody family, and yes, some steamy holiday romance. I can’t help myself. As much as I hate Hallmark movies (on in my parents’ house year-round), I am a sucker for a good “my mom invited us to the holidays but we’re not actually dating but I can’t tell her that” story. Anyone else?

There’s another that’s less of a romance romance novel and more of a “dealing with trauma with a side of romance” novel. I don’t have a name for it. I’ve been calling it “I am Mac’s Hangover”, because I love referencing Fight Club, and Mac is always hungover.

Mackenzie “Mac” Lone Bear and Flynn Von Brandt II did not exactly break up on good terms. In fact, Flynn dumped him so as to not lose the favor of his homophobic father in their freshman year of college. In the summer of their senior year, after identifying his mother’s corpse, Mac returns to his job at a coffee shop to find that a certain Von Brandt has been added to the roster. Between those two things, he is not coping particularly well.

I did a lot of research about living as a Native American in the United States, including watching several documentaries, and it’s honestly heartbreaking to see the intergenerational trauma that is passed down as a result of colonialism. It was a major interest of mine last autumn, and I’m still very much interested in it.

It’s not a typical enemies to lovers experience, since I’m not a typical enemies to lovers guy. I much rather prefer bitter exes to lovers instead. This was definitely brought on by my love of Doctor/Master from Doctor Who, because I choose to read the Master as The Gallifrey Wife, and reading them as bitter exes just adds more drama.

I just like writing characters that have a lot of (justified) anger at the world. It’s nice to give them a happy ending. Cathartic. I’m all for catharsis.

CONCLUSION

This post is pretty long, even for one of my monthly wrap-ups. I’ve included a lot of auxiliary information that probably didn’t even need to be addressed. But I write these mostly for myself, and I’m a man of many words. I want to know exactly what I did for the entire month of May, and dammit, I’m gonna post it for the world to see.

#monthly wrap up #may wrap up #my writing #writers on tumblr

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just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi · 2 years ago

Note

Hey! Asking various artists and writers, do you have a Playlist or specific songs you gravitate toward to help you get in the right headspace while creating whump?

Anon I'm so sorry but I wrote you a 1500 word essay on one specific album. I literally have no explanation for myself. Take Pity On Me.

TLDR: Listen to "The Draw" please it's my favorite for any type of turmoil, and just "Overjoyed" in general. Also this album is good for semi-dramatic dialog and ~vibes~.

Why ‘All This Bad Blood’ by Bastille 2013 is the best album to write to:

Oh my god it’s 10 years old.

This has been my go-to album for writing since I got a laptop and started writing. I’m 100% serious. Part of it is most probably because it’s nostalgic for me, but I’ve completed a full essay on why this is the best album (for my style) to write to.

Part 1: Just a couple reasons

The Accent.

This is 100% also just My Brain because when my formative creative years were incredibly BBC/British heavy. We’re talking Chronicles of Narnia on audio books, Dr. Who, Sherlock, Merlin, Robin Hood, Adventures of Sara Jane. I’m honestly probably missing some but you get it. To the point where there was a period when I was around 15 or so I’d use british words/cadence with an American accent. (I still do it sometimes it’s weird).

Honestly part of my writing process to this day is to speak dialog out loud, and more often or not it’s in a british accent.

The Aesthetic

It’s pretty piano heavy, along with a main singer and some background singing that’s very easy to get lost in. There’s this nice kinda ethereal filter for many of the songs, so it just kinda slides into your brain and into the background. It’s listed in the alternative section but it’s very pop so it’s very common denominator.

“Songs Write My Story”

I literally put this album on shuffle once and made a plot based off of the vibes of each song. To my recollection there were some pretty decent parts. I’ll see if I can find it.

Part 2: The songs.

My absolute favorite reason to write to this album is the fact that so many of the songs have these wonderful, dramatic dialogue lines. When the music rises to the surface long enough to catch the words, they’re often good for like, semi-dramatic plot points/dialog lines.

As requested by literally no one, in fact I believe they’re all begging me to literally write anything else, I will now go through each song and pull out some lines that I find specifically “semi-dramatic” that I would either want to or have used as inspiration for my writing, as well as rate them and give them vibes.

Pompeii - 6/10 Writingness. Good but Tik Tok kinda ruined it. However the concept of Pompeii itself is Very Vibes and helps save it. Oh where do we begin, the rubble or our sins?

Things We Lost to the Fire - 8/10 Writingness. Great Vibes. Very “our world collapsed and we’ve been living in the rubble and are numb to it.” We were born with nothing and we sure as hell have nothing now.

Bad Blood - 5/10. A bit too specific to be multifunctional. Great ‘Sarcastic Reunion with Adversarial Side Character.” And you said you always had my back Oh, but how were we to know? That these are the days that bind you Together, forever And these little things define you Forever, forever

Overjoyed - 10/10. Perfect semi-dramatic vibes. Is your character, sarcastic, genuine, dazed, prophetic? Resentful? Longing? This song works for all of them. Just the word “overjoyed” is not used enough. Oh I feel overjoyed.

These Streets - 7/10 another nuanced one, but not quite as wide a range as Overjoyed. I won’t show my face here anymore.

Weight of Living Pt. II - 3/10. Too good of a bop. I wanna jam I’m not writing. Do you like the person you’ve become?

Icarus - 8/10. Like a combination of Pompeii and Overjoyed. The concept of Icarus is such a rich creative one that it makes up for how much of a BOP it is (the “bop” index is a negative in this evaluation because it distracts me). This one is perfect for the “mentor trying to warn someone else of MC’s downfall. Icarus is flying towards an early grave. (also these are words but the vocal sections are just really inspiring on this one for me)

Oblivion - 5/10. Good, I was waiting for you to be great. It can be in the background but it’s not going to inspire anything. Are you going to age with grace?

Flaws - 7/10. I kinda can’t listen to this one without mouthing along to it like I’m in a self-righteous argument, which is great for my writing style. The more I can inhibit a character the better and more I can write for them. So it’s a little narrow of inspiration but it always gets me there. There’s a hole in my sole, I can’t fill it. Can you fill it?

You have always worn your flaws on your sleeve, and I have always buried them deep beneath the ground. Dig them out, let’s finish what we started.

Daniel in the Den - 9/10. Again, Daniel in the lion den is a great creative concept, gets me into the character, has emotion, it builds but i don’t find it fully distracting. Again not as broad as Overjoyed but I use this one often. Felled in the night by the ones you think you love.

Laura Palmer - 9/10. Another great general go to. Conviction. Motivation, direction. Feels multi-functional to me because of the variety from the verses to chorus to bridge. What a year and what a night, what terrifying final sights.

Get Home - 6/10. Honestly see “Oblivion”. Only got a little higher rating because the repeated “how am i going to get myself back home” is really good for inspiration. Still on the list, still great but nothing to write something home about (lol). How am I going to get myself back home?

Poet - 3/10. This is probably one my favorite “adoration” songs but I just don’t find it particularly inspirational - although that’s probably because I don’t tend to write love stories or the such. I have written you down, you will live forever.

The Silence - 4/10. Like Poet, a little too directly “adoration”, but I do appreciate it reminds me to use the term “my dear”. My Dear, it is not enough to be dumbstruck.

Haunt - 8/10 Yeah we’re back babey. I need the reminder to make my characters more ominous. All of your characters should haunt the reader (good or bad lol). It’s not like I’m above you.

Weight of Living, Pt I - 8/10. There’s something solemnly hopeful about this to me. Are they regretful as they counsel the MC? Do they believe they can find happiness or are they resigned to their fate? You get to decide if this song is encouraging them or is someone giving up. I’m also a sucker for songs that set up a premise and evolve it through the song. It good. Your albatross, let it go.

Sleepsong - 7/10. Feels dangerous. A little evil, perhaps? What are their intentions? Are they trying to help? If so, why? It scares you, being alone.

Durban Skies - 5/10. See Oblivion. Probably a little better vibe, but not wildly inspiring like some of the others. (honestly there’s isn’t a lyric that stands out to me in this one but I still like writing to it.)

Laughter Lines - 3/10. I am. Seeing a pattern. Songs that have a strong “love” element to them get lower ratings from me lol. (Again, not a lyric but the section talking about carving on trees inspired me to write a character who was illiterate but kept her “diary” by carving her emotions into a tree trunk. Her world didn’t have a lot of light, so she would often run her fingers across the carvings to relive memories.)

Previously on Other People’ Heartbreak - NA, it’s kinda a non song it’s just an intro to part II.

Of the Night - 3/10, See Weight of Living Pt II. Too fun, too boppy. I am bouncing I am not writing.

The Draw - 10/10. This one. This is one of the ones that I turn on if I’m having trouble writing anything. It just oozes conflict, specifically inner termoil which i just fucking eat up. I love it. This is my best writing song. So so so good.

(Oh my god just the entire song please just listen to it. Just this one).

What would you do - NA. I actually kinda skip this one for just Reasons. Again it’s a good song and I would write to it but I just don’t. This song has a TW for sexual assault and just. It’s kinda a lot to chew on.

Skulls - 8/10. This one escapes the “too good to write to” because oh god. The attitude of this song. It’s possessive. It’s threatening. It wants something… but, what? (However it is absolutely a bop which is why it’s not a 9 or 10) (Again it’s just the whole song)

Tuning out - 6/10. It’s a haunting rendition of Silent Night? So Lyrically it’s not too impressive but the vibes are good for writing.

Is this what you asked for? No not even a little bit. I did enjoy doing it tho that’s all that matters ...eheh....

#bastille #all this bad blood bastille #i'm not entirely sure what's wrong with me but there's gotta be something

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9bitghost · 5 years ago

Photo

REMEMBER THIS AU???

Took me 2 years, but I’ve finally got everyone’s designs roughed out for my RPG AU!! Some designs gave me a lot of trouble, so I’ll probably change a few in the future, but for now, they’re all based around their outfits in the show. Getting back into this has also got me more into learning about D&D, so classes and subclasses are based on stuff from there and homebrews I’ve found and liked, with some liberties taken for the fun of it. ☆

I want to write proper backstories for all of them sometime, but until then, classes, alignments, and headcanons are under the cut!! ↓ ↓ ↓ (VERY LONG)

This AU can be set either as its own, or if everyone sat down and played D&D with characters based on themselves. I would love to write fic splicing the two together if I ever get around to it lol

Character Info

David: Ranger/Bard - Champion of Nature (Lawful Good)

S4E7 pretty much laid out his character and class perfectly; David is a Bard at heart, and sought to make people happy with his tricks and performances when he was younger, until he found his true calling in his connection to Mother Nature. His home is wherever he can set up camp and has his heart set on protecting the forests’ natural beauty and integrity from quickly growing cities. Breaks into song at random and dislikes conflict. Prefers to shut fights down though talk and song, but does excel at archery and long-range combat if the need arises.

(tbh, binary-bird’s david design is so much cooler and i was heavily inspired by it, so please just imagine him in that one instead lol)

Gwen: Bard/Cleric - College of Lore (Chaotic Neutral)

In all honesty, Gwen is the most difficult one for me to place in this AU. She strikes me as the one to DM for the kids so Nerris can play, and enjoys creating stories for them, hence why Bard comes as the most natural to class her. An unconventional one, as she’s sharp-tongued, usually straight-faced, and witty in a sarcastic sense. Probably owns a bookshop in her town and writes many of her own books (half of which are erotica and stored in a curtained off area you need a password for). She has a way with words and handles her spear with the same proficiency. Badass fighter if you get on her bad side.

Max: Rogue - Thief/Trap Master (Chaotic Neutral)

Grew up poor and practically on the streets with barely a glance from his parents, Max learned it’s every person for themselves from an early age. Known for being a little shit and a master at picking pockets, MacGyvering traps, and winning bets through words alone. Shitton of knives, prefers throwing them from the shadows. Says he doesn’t care for anyone but himself, but would actually kill a man or 20 for his friends. Met Neil when trying to swindle him out of some expensive potions and wound up traveling with him. Purely for profit at first after hearing about the tech Neil’s in search of, but they ended up clicking and became fast friends (in denial).

Neil: Artificer - Alchemist (Lawful Neutral)

Neil’s family is very well off and many of his relatives are well known scholars; his father being the leading philosopher in their district. Though proud of his family’s and his own scientific accomplishments, Neil became bored of his mundane village and life, and thus set off in search of new scientific discoveries that could land him a place in the history books. Hates combat and stays out of it whenever he can. Sticks to the side lines, crafting bombs, poisons, splash potions, and buffs for the party. Relatively level-headed and often leads the team’s strategies in battle, until things go wild and sends him into a panic.

Nikki: Barbarian/Druid - Path of the Beast Master (Chaotic Good)

Born into a broken family, Nikki fled to the woods at a young age and lost her way home. Found and taken in by a pack of wolves, she quickly answered to the call of Mother Nature and grew into a nomadic lifestyle with her pack. Nikki is a wild one, brandishing her giant axe with ease, communicating with animals, and able to shift into a wolf form. Met Max and Neil as they were passing thorough her forest and nearly bit a chunk out of Neil’s arm on their first encounter. Would do anything for her friends and thinks of them as her own pack as she journeys with them.

Nerris: Sorceress - Storm Bloodline (Neutral Good)

Born to a human mother and elven father, Nerris is skilled in magic pertaining to the elements, specifically lightning and electricity, and not to shabby with their shortsword when the need arises. Left their village on a traditional journey to hone their skills and become a great sorceress to make their family proud. Always up for adventure, but rash and dives head first into more dangerous situations. Met and traveled with Harrison, who they bicker with constantly over who is the better magic user, before they both joined the Main Trio feat. David. Don’t mess with their party, man, Nerris will beat your ass into the neighbouring realm.

Harrison: Wizard - School of Illusions/Wild Mage (Chaotic Good)

Harrison was born with chaotic magic that had his parents on edge since the beginning. He quickly became a specialist in illusions, but due to his wild magic, he’d caused a lot of unintentional trouble in his town, escalating to making his brother disappear with no idea how to get him back. Fled his family and town young in pursuit of honing his magic and searching for a way to bring his brother back. Terrible at hand-to-hand, weapons, or close-range combat, but packs a punch when his magic goes haywire, often being linked to his emotions. Will sometimes levitate without realizing and freak people out. His hat is his nearly unlimited inventory and is probably a dangerous rip in space-time that should be dealt with.

Preston: Bard - College of Glamour (Lawful Neutral)

Preston travels around in search of fame and artistic inspiration and loves any audience he can find. Rarely staying in one place for long, he recites his poetry and one-man acts for captivated audiences in the town’s square or taverns, sometimes accompanied by lute or flute music. His outfits are flashy and as much of a trainwreck as he is so he’s easy to spot. In battle, his acts are usually used to stun or paralyze opponents, often done as a tag team with a more offensive member of the party. If forced to fight, he’s not too bad at fencing his way out of it.

Dolph: Bard - College of Paint (Neutral Good)

Born into a prestigious and proud military family that he left to pursue a career in art. Has painted quite a few nobles’ portraits and has thus become well known as a traveling painter. Became quick friends with Preston when they met in a town square Dolph was passing through. Hates conflict and tends to stay back in battle, but if he has to fight, he’s able to summon whatever he paints in ink to fight for him (think Sai from Naruto lol).

Ered: Rogue - Scout (Chaotic Neutral)

Daughter and assassin-in-training of her two fathers who work closely with their country’s monarchy. Though she loves them more than anything, Ered has more of a go-my-own-way attitude, opting to work more freely and alone for smaller contracts than under her parents’ wings. Amazing sharp-shooter with her crossbow and can hold her own in hand to hand combat. She’s a name quite a few know in underground circles, and Max has heard of her before as well.

Nurf: Barbarian - Path of the Brawler (Chaotic Neutral)

Half-orc and full temper, Nurf is a brawler through and through. On the run for various crimes and resents the justice system for putting his mother behind bars. Fights mainly with fists and daggers and is one of the strongest in the party. Actually quite perceptive and insightful, but whether he chooses to act upon that insight is entirely dependent on how he feels at that moment. Nurf joined the party a little later than the rest, after meeting them during an ongoing brawl and teaming up as a spur-of-the-moment decision. He stuck around for one reason or another.

Space Kid: Cleric - Cosmic Domain (True Neutral)

Space Kid comes from a line of astronomers and astrologists, and he too answers to the Stars and Celestial Bodies. Many of his decisions are based on what star charts tell him and he’s just happy to be along for the ride. Met the Main Trio early on during a quest relating to astrology and, realizing they lacked a designated healer for the team, found Space Kid to be decent enough. Probably has untapped powers that are pretty incredible if he knew how to access them. Sticks around due to the Stars hinting that their fates are tied and good things will come about in the party’s future.

Other Notes

I’ve gotten an ask or two in the past asking about Daniel and he is 1458903% a Lawful Evil Warlock/Bard who answers to his patron Xemüg. Quartermaster is also a Warlock, probably Chaotic Neutral, and I like the idea of his patron being The Octopus (thank you S4E5 for the harrison and QM inspiration).

#camp camp #campcamp #reposting this bc it wasn't showing up in the tag for me?? never posting from drafts again lol #it's been so long since i wrote semi-decently #it feels so clunky but at least it's FINALLY DOWN IN WORDS #i love how i predicted alchemist neil and barbarian nikki long before the quest ep aired LMAO #s: cc #au: cc dnd #art: charades #i still know jack about dnd so please don't yell at me that some stuff doesn't work or w/e #summer 2019

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masterwords · 2 years ago

Text

a life spills into the flowers

Summary: After the events of "Mr. Scratch", Hotch can't find his keys. It's got him a little messed up.

Pairing: Hotch/Morgan (established, and it's only relevant at the very end because I live in a world where they're just together and that's that.)

Warnings: mind-controlling substances, panic, vomit, swearing, canon-typical stuff...if you've seen the Mr. Scratch episode you won't be surprised

Words: 2.5k

Notes: I don't know...I was going to save this for Whumptober or something but it's rambly and I sort of just wanted to post it now. I started thinking about how Peter Lewis took Hotch's weapons and he took his vest off, and Hotch was in that house for a long time semi-conscious...so of course his car keys would be missing and that might make him panic a bit. Anyway, I wrote this all in about an hour, it's just a rambly thing because I can't seem to write anything decent lately but I needed to do something with this idea.

Read on AO3: a life spills into the flowers

On knees that wobble like jello he wanders toward the house. Wind is whipping through the trees, whistling strange hymns through well-maintained gutters and over the silken petals of bright pink roses. He is acutely aware of each breath of wind as it gusts over his sweaty brow, each fleck of red and blue light that flickers and screams silent fury into the night sky.

“I need to find my keys,” he mumbles to JJ who is following, hasn't stopped following him since he stepped out of the ambulance with a headache that pounds like a jackhammer with each throb of his pulse. She's right on his heels.

“We can have it towed, Hotch, figure it out in the morning. You need to get home.”

He won't listen, though. Everything is so out of control, the entire scene his fault, and the only thing he can grasp with any firmness is this: his SUV keys are missing. On the front seat, all of his papers have been rifled through, his wallet is right there with his ID front and center, and he's in no frame of mind to take inventory though he's fairly certain nothing is missing. Peter Lewis wouldn't take anything, he would simply record it. Write it down, take a photo, doesn't matter. If he took it, they would know and have a lead, have an idea. This way...there is no way to track what isn't gone.

Except his damn keys. “Maybe Peter Lewis had them,” she says, speeding up to keep pace with his wobbly off-kilter stumbling through the yard and up to the front door. “Hotch, I'll call Derek and see if they find your keys on Lewis when they book him.”

He doesn't respond and she doesn't wait for it, she just makes the call while he enters the house. It's almost the same now as it was when he did it the first time, except he's not holding his gun now, his fists hang at his sides useless and trembling. Reid and Rossi have already gone back to Quantico, Morgan went with the Police as they took Lewis into custody, and JJ...well she said she'd drive Hotch home, but now they're stuck with no keys to the SUV. She's not nearly as concerned as he is.

“Hotch,” she called a minute later while he's arguing with an officer about looking under Dr. Regan's desk. That's where his gun had been, one of them anyway, after the fight and he suspects maybe the keys...

“Hotch, Will said he'd come pick us up. Come on. Let the officers do their jobs. They'll find the keys.”

His eyes are frantic and filled with tears, she can't stand seeing him this way. There is some part of her that wants to pull him in for a hug, tell him she'll help him find the keys because she knows...it isn't really about the keys. He's coming down from whatever drugs he was pumped full of and every bit of reality that seeps in brings more pain and more questions than answers. He was vulnerable for hours, at the mercy of a psychopath, and he has no real memory of it. She can see it all in the tears, but if she gives in now she might do more harm than good. “Come on,” she said, touching his forearm, his sweaty bloody shirt. “Let's go sit outside and wait for Will.”

It's going to be an hour, at least. Even if Will puts on his lights. “You want to walk?” It's a silly question to ask a man who looks like he's barely standing, but he doesn't look like he wants to sit down either. “There's a path through the estate over here. Guess this place has a nice rose garden.” He doesn't answer, he just follows her.

The roses almost glow under the moonlight. He knows they're pink, but they're more than that. They're breathing pulpy red and they're crying neon blue and they're bruise purple, all the same colors as he is. And then those deep green leaves cascade black like pools of blood in the moonlight. He can't stop thinking about his keys. No matter what path his mind tries to take him down it never winds far enough away from that one thought. Where are my keys? The keys mean freedom, they mean home. Without them he's trapped here.

JJ knows she should use this opportunity to ask him questions and she has the time. It feels wrong, the way his skin is pale and gray and sweaty, the way his hands shake, to put him through more but he would insist if it were anyone else. Insist that now was the time. When clarity was seeping in, when adrenaline was fading. “I know you talked to Rossi in the ambulance,” she started, pausing to peer into a wide open rose. “Is there anything else you can remember? Do you want to talk?”

“No,” he whispered back, his legs coming to a full stop. He blinks back the tears and rubs his fingers against his burning eyes. Whatever Lewis sprayed him with made his eyes hurt, they were dry and burned like fire beneath salty tears. “I don't know. JJ, I don't know if anything I say is true.”

“Let me figure that out. Why don't you just tell me things. Anything you want. Empty it out.”

He lets out a chuckle and wipes more tears from his lashes. “It's funny. The way they described it in the interrogation room...it sounded like Lewis put the ideas in their heads. But that isn't...it's not...they were all my ideas. I think he just asked me questions knowing I couldn't lie to him.”

She couldn't hide her frown. “What do you mean he asked you things?”

“Like,” he stares vaguely into some distance but he isn't looking at anything she can see. His trembling hand reaches up and wipes the sweat from his forehead. “A therapist. He asked me about my life. He asked me if anything...” he can't finish the sentence. He can't tell JJ about Roy, but that's new, he couldn't remember that when he was talking to Rossi. Lewis asked him about recent problems he's been having. “Any problems at home?” It was so casual, like he had a right to know.

He told Lewis all about Roy and his dementia. He told him about the things that Roy said, and suddenly Roy was standing there in front of him with a gun aimed at his forehead. You took my baby girl from me. I gave her to you, and you promised to protect her and you lied. Roy's gun was cold against his forehead, smashed there, he could feel it. You killed her.

“He didn't make me see things. I did that. He just listened.” The revelation comes with wide eyes sparkling in the night. “He guided me through the images.” Before he can say anything else, he feels the cold of that gun again and drops to his knees, dry heaving painfully into the perfectly manicured grass. JJ stays back, she wants to touch him, to comfort him, but he's trembling like a scared animal and she isn't sure she can trust him yet.

He's not himself.

“Can you tell me what you told him?”

“No.” He can, but he won't. “It doesn't matter. He's in custody,” he gasps around wretches and pulls himself up to sitting, hands planted flat against his thighs. “I didn't hurt anyone. His plan didn't work.” He's not so sure about that, but he needs JJ to believe it. He needs her to stop asking questions. You don't know what I did to him...I win. She can't let that go, can't stop thinking about it. It was what made her stay behind with him, why Derek asked that it be her...they didn't want to tell anyone else what Lewis said or how it had scared them.

He thinks about Roy and the gun, about what Roy said to him over pizza just nights before and what the ghost of Roy told him with a gun to his head. Roy's eyes, so full of fury and hate, and he's not surprised to find that he wishes it hadn't just been a mirage. If that gun had been real, if Roy had the nerve to do what he wanted to do...

Derek walks up behind them and places his hand on Hotch's back, right between his shoulder blades, startling them both. “Hey,” he says, crouching. “Found your keys. They were in the bag with his personal belongings. Swears he has no idea how they got there. Dude's a lying sack of shit. You ready to get outta here?”

JJ looks at Derek warily and makes a face, a sort of back off he's being a little weird face, and Derek drags his hand up and down the ridges of Hotch's spine in defiance. He's not worried, he's pretty sure he could take Hotch in his prime and this is definitely not his prime. “Jessica said she'd stay with Jack tonight, Will just pulled up to get JJ...come on. You're stuck with me.”

They ride home in silence. It's a long ride with only the purr of the engine and the roar of the tires turning over slick rainy asphalt. Hotch rests his temple against the cool glass window, lets his eyes close and sees Roy who becomes Sean in a faded blue jumper blaming him for not getting him out of his charges, getting his sentence reduced. I'll die in here and it'll be your fault, Sean said to him and it freezes his veins to ice. My best years behind bars because you care more about your job than my life. My brother's a FED, you know what they're gonna do to me? Sean wouldn't say that, it's only his guilty conscience, he knows that. Probably why that one faded so quickly, even Peter Lewis could see through it. But Roy, that one stuck. That one came back, and when Roy became Jack but the words were the same...you killed her, it's your fault she's dead...he figured it out. That was when he realized how in control of these visions he was, even under the influence. He'd allowed Roy, but he wouldn't allow Jack to be part of the game.

“I forced myself to see you guys,” he whispers, his lips barely moving. His stomach flops, and he thinks he's going to be sick again. “When I realized what he was doing. I knew what he wanted...and I thought about the victim who killed himself instead of his child...and I...” Made myself see you guys? See you all be killed one by one? It sounds awful, and he's not sure how to say it so that it sounds any less terrible than it is. But he watched that bullet sink right into Derek's throat, tasted his blood, he saw it all and couldn't shake it.

“I knew it,” came Derek's reply, one hand fluttering like raven wings away from the steering wheel and coming to roost on Hotch's thigh. “I knew you figured it out. Rossi's story, it didn't make any sense. Why would us dying be your worst fear? Your deepest fear? Nah, I knew there was more to it...”

“I am afraid of that,” Hotch counters, quieter, almost too quiet for Derek to hear over the white noise of the car. Defensive and breathy. Still hovering so close to tears. “I'm always afraid that I'll make a mistake and it'll cost one of you your lives. It wouldn't be the first time. Roy said it himself. I make a mistake, people die. It was an easy fear to conjure...”

“Yeah, but,” Derek starts, but he's well aware that he's treading in dangerous waters and he stops. He squeezes Hotch's thigh instead. “I get it.” He does. He does get it, he'll never stop blaming himself for what happened to Haley. It was on his watch, not Hotch's, no matter what anyone tries to tell him. They don't talk about it.

Derek's street is dark, the lamps pale and muddled by overgrown oak trees. It's quiet, serene, none of the city sounds dare step into this peace. The shadows melt and move and shift beneath his feet and Hotch is mesmerized as his shadow slides like oil slick into the shadow of a tree and for a brief moment they are one. “You hungry?” Derek asks in a casual tone, as if this is a social call. As if it's date night. “I'm starving.”

He's not sure if he's hungry or if he could eat, he just follows Derek up the steps to his door and slides inside with uneasy steps. Clooney meets them at the door and Hotch crouches right away, just drops to his knees and wraps his arms around Clooney's neck and scratches behind his floppy old dog ears. There are tears in Clooney's fur, it sticks to his cheeks. Clooney moves slow these days, he's old and arthritic but he still likes to trot along beside Derek every morning before they eat breakfast, he still makes sure to greet Derek every time he comes home with his tail whacking the wood floor loud and thumpy. Hotch and Clooney's relationship is something Derek hasn't ever really understood but he leaves them to it and heads right for the kitchen. They know what they're doing. So does he.

He needs a beer and some food. When he's finished slapping together a quick sandwich and popping the top off of his second bottle of beer (the first went down a little too easy after the day he had), he makes his way out to the front room to find Hotch and Clooney sleeping on the couch. Hotch, still in his clothes, arms folded tight across his chest and hands tucked in tight. His feet still in shoes hang off the end of the couch (always polite), and Clooney snores curled up behind his knees.

It's a sight. One he's still not tired of, even after all this time.

He turns on the TV and kicks his feet up on the coffee table, eating his midnight dinner all alone to the quiet jokes and explosions of M*A*S*H

“Life, liberty and the pursuit of happy hour...” Derek says under his breath, raising his bottle to the television. He knows the quiet of this moment isn't likely to last, but the frosty foam of the beer in his bottle is worth savoring.

#aaron hotchner #derek morgan #jennifer jj jareau #criminal minds #hotchgan #criminal minds fanfiction #clooney the dog #is clooney hotch's therapy dog? yeah maybe

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splendentgoddess · 2 years ago

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Okay, so like I want to know to know about every single WIP you have on that list, because like I'm obsessed with your work, so instead I'm gonna ask for you to tell me about the top three you're most excited to write about. ☺️

Hiya @heynikkiyousofine !

That's also a tough one, LOL. Well not really. I had BETTER say my top "most excited to write" WIP is No More Secrets, eh @hnn-wnchstr ? LOL

I'm working on that story for her! It started as a request-fic/birthday-fic that I realized would actually work perfectly in the Secret Santa universe, and so I started it as part four of that once-trilogy. It was originally supposed to be a long one-shot or maybe two (or possibly three) chapters, and now I'm hoping it'll cap at five chapters, LOL. This is the WIP I am currently working on! It will be the next story I post on AO3! It gives us a larger look at how humans interact with youkai in this world, and I go into more details regarding how I've recreated the inu-youkai race to be inherently protectors of humans. I also make use of the evolution of there being 'soulmates' in this universe, which wasn't originally intended back when I wrote the first fic but I already leaned that way in and towards the third story, where Inu/Kag had decided they were soulmates. Since I already went that way I just decided to go for it and so soulmates are totally a thing now, just very rare. There is a decent amount of Inu/Kag in the story because of course, they are my OTP, and specifically we get Inu/Kag being bad asses because there's a wee bit of a youkai problem they both have to help out with, but there is also a lot of Rin and this story features a Sess/Rin pairing. It's an AU and she's a grown ass woman! LOL

The next fic I think I'm most excited to finish is Freak Show, which once upon a time had been my active WIP and so it's pretty far along and close to finished. The reason I called it a 'semi-modern' AU is 'cause it takes place in like sort of the 1930s, but not the real 1930s in either Japan or America. It's also a fake Americanized Japanese-esque sort of mixed world, but it's 1930s technologically, and so old school traveling freak shows are totally a thing. Also too, Kagome is a reiki user, but in this world, reiki users are a secret society of very rare humans. The ones who know youkai not only were real, but are still real, while most humans think youkai (and reiki users) are just myths. So how's a hanyou supposed to earn a living in a world where most humans think youkai aren't real? Come one! Come all! Meet Dog Boy! A man who is half human, half canine beast!

Man, I am torn on picking only one third one, LOL. I'll tell you about a few more, but I'll try to be less wordy, since apparently I can't put a 'cut' in Ask answers.

Heat of the Moment is a canon divergence that opens like a moonless night blanket fic (Inu/Kag alone and huddling in an abandoned hut to survive a blizzard and then whoops they had sex) but then instead of ending shortly after a morning after love confession, the intention is that it will be a long fic and one of my more epic adventures when everything's said and done.

Her Father had a Daughter is another major epic canon divergence that, spoiler alert, includes an OC who is INUYASHA'S DAUGHTER! *gasp*. All will be explained, but the long short of it is she predates Kikyou, her mother was an inu-youkai so she's 3/4 inu, and I arbitrarily decided slow youkai aging means she still appears to be around age 12-ish (if memory serves). Don't worry, Mom's not in the picture and it's an Inu/Kag fic through and through.

I think last I'm gonna just pick A mid-spring moonless night's dream which as stated is the first upcoming sequel for my post-canon After The End universe. It's just a fluffy/lemony new moon one-shot, takes place during the first new moon after Inu/Kag moved into their own hut together as husband and wife, but I'm excited to get it finished and posted because I have SO MANY IDEAS FOR THAT UNIVERSE OMG. I just wanna get the ball rolling already.

In fact, after I finish and post No More Secrets, finishing my reread/editing of ATE New Beginnings and getting it posted on AO3 is my next project before I get back to any other WIP.

Any other questions, don't hesitate to ask!

#wip asks game #inuyasha fanfic #splendentgoddess

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goldenmorningglory · 3 years ago

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Hi I am here after reading the rab ne bana di Jodi fan fic . I would love to known your thoughts on what do what was running in Pat s mind you during the episode 5 completion when he saw Pran playing their song . Also, how did he realize that Pran likes him too !

Oh dear I might actually not stop talking when it comes to Pat and Thoughts.

So in a post before I had said that Pat's realisation of feelings, or well, his acknowledgement that some feelings were there only he didn't know the quality of those feelings, started in ep 4.

So with that, right from part 1 of ep 5 we see him start to question himself. It's the scene in the architecture dept, where ink says that he and pran had a lovey dovey aura around them.

it's a split second of expression (and of course i'm probably just overthinking it) but pat in this whole conversation is cagey. It's not that he's flustered talking to ink per say, but that she's asking about him and pran.

at the noodles shop he is smiling cause ink shares her order with pran and he's thinking of pran and how particular he is, not of ink. but that's something he can brush off quickly since there's no one to question him.

in all honesty i feel the whole pancake shop date thing was his last ditch effort to see if he really even liked ink like he'd been trying to mak himself believe. he seeks out pa's help because this is significant for him, considering how earth shattering the alternative conclusion could be.

that he doesn't actually like ink anymore. which means these feelings are because of someone else. and there's only one other person who could make him feel that way.

well the oh moment has been written about already so its the after effects of that which are so interesting. pat is reeling not because he fell for a guy or even that it was pran. he was surprised at the intensity of it, at how these feelings grew without him knowing and now that he did know them, the just seemed to not stop.

pat goes as far as to ask korn for help rather than pa because he needs a clear cut perspective, something he can work on his own rather than need pran to be a participant. so he get's korn's tip and rushes to check if he does feel jealous.

and he does. he does feel jealous as pran talks to wai so nicely, as pran invites wai to his home making it obvious his mother approves of wai. but..these are not things that pat has not felt jealous over before. at the bus stop he asks pran why he can't speak to him nicely and it still hurt him that pran didn't consider him a friend. which he considers wai.

and that brings us to the competition. pat is unsteady, for the first time in his life since that day he chased after pran in high school, he hasn't probably felt this off kilter. he meets pran right before the show and they have a semi decent conversation and pat likes that before wai enter again to drag pran off and pran does walk off.

so the pat standing in the crowd before the architecture perfomance begins is unsteady, confused, he's happy he finally knows what he's feeling, he's terrified that pran doesn't feel the same.

instantly he hears pran talk about the song they wrote together and that. that is a second oh moment. because he never wondered, wanted to assume if pran liked him back. but pran's gaze finding his as he says he wrote it with a high school friend, his smile as he sings those lyrics to pat, pat has hope.

he's hoping that they're on the same page. that the words in that song aren't one sided. because with this he won't jump to conclusions. he will only hope that his feelings are requited.

then pran turns to wai and pat feels the bitterness shock him cause wasn't that how pran looked at him? but of course, even if pran's mother walked in now, she'd only smile because that was wai and not pat.

LONG STORY SHORT pat is just really really confused and pained by the time that performance is over, so much so that he can't even stand to cheer the end of it. he doesn't know if pran ever wrote that song for someone else and he won't be so self centered about this as to think it was about him. or even if it was about him before, that it is about him any longer.

the whole bar + fight scene from pran's pov really shows how pat deals with that realisation.

so he probably only realised that pran liked him back in some capacity when pran stepped forward at the same time as him on the rooftop. which is why the first kiss was so tentative. even then pat won't assume that pran does like him with the same fervour as he does.

but well, pran pulls him in and as they say, the rest is history.

#bad buddy #bad buddy the series #bad buddy series #pran #pat #patpran #pranpat #bad buddy meta #bad buddy ep 5 #dear asker im so sorry for this gargantuan answer #im such a sucker for ep 5 im very sorry #anyone reading this feel free to add you insights!

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ragnarachael · 3 years ago

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Take It From The Top — Chapter 3

Paring: Guitarist!Loki x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 7,286 (IT’S SO MUCH)

Summary: Usually your days are boring, but not since this group have been coming in and brightening up your shifts. They have a little band together and gush about it as much as they can when you're serving them. You can feel some chemistry with Loki, and start talking with him more and more once he's frequenting the restaurant alone.One day, finally, Loki—the bands (hot) guitarist—invites you to one of their shows on your day off. And you're not going to turn him down, are you?

Warnings: loki playing the guitar. that’s. too hot. just so we all know. and semi naughty thoughts on your end—he’s hot, guys. flirting unadulterated? i guess? loki’s a dreamboat. that’s it. that’s all.

Notes: yes rachael DID pick a brian may hand gif for this. he’s why guitarist loki is what it is. sue me. ANYWAYS IT’S THE END! I AM SAD! BUT FIC TWO OF THIS SERIES IS IN PROGRESS! i hope u love this so far!!! bc i’m obsessed with it!!!! please don’t be shy and feel free to yell with me all you want

Tag List (if you want to be tagged in stuff like this or any future works, join my taglist here!): @mushroomlupin @miniminwriting @mariahlaufeyson @lam-ila @a-lonely-grey-couch @sineads-art @rosaline-black

F E E D B A C K! | A O 3 L I N K! | T A G L I S T L I N K

The rest of the week seemed to drag on as you waited for your days off to come. Besides working, trying to be a normal human being as you work these horrendously long shifts, you try to keep your mind off of the fact Loki almost wrote down it’s a date.

It was a date that was intended not to seem like one, you assumed.

How the fuck do you dress for that?

“I mean,” Helen starts, on your phone via FaceTime call the day of the not-date-date. “Preferably something cute, but not obviously screaming it’s a date fit.”

“What the hell does that mean?” You question loudly from your closet. “Also, did we agree on the ripped skinny jeans?”

“Yes we did!” She exclaims. “And you’ll understand that when you’re older and get more dates.”

“We are the same age, Helen.”

The silence that fell over the two of you was comfortable before Helen starting laughing. “Whatever. So, ripped jeans. What shirt options do we have?”

“Uh,” you start, going through your shirts in the closet. “Band tees? A few tanktops, I got this cute crop top a few nights ago—“

“Do you have that one you wore out for drinks with Isaac and I a few months ago?”

“What one? The REO Speedwagon one?”

Helen was silent before huffing, waving a single hand around. “Whatever one has all those pre-made cuts and holes and shit.”

“Ah, the Metallica one,” you answer. “I’ve got it, yeah.”

“That,” Helen replies. “Wear that! It makes you look hot.”

You smile sheepishly, fishing through more shirts to find what you’re both talking about. You’ve been digging for almost an hour trying to find a decent outfit.

It may not be a date, but you want to at least look good enough to actually be asked on one, to your face.

“Did you and Henry have a good date night last night?” You ask after finding your shirt and throwing it on over your black bralette.

“Yeah! It was nice, we went to this karaoke bar. He’s a horrific singer, obviously.”

You laughed, walking over to your bed where your jeans lay. “Don’t hurt his heart by saying that, he seems like a good kid.”

“He is! He just can’t sing for fuck all.”

The two of you share laughter as you pull your jeans on so you can both judge the final outfit before deciding on it. “I’m telling him you said that the next time I see him.”

“You bitch!”

“I’ll be sure he pelts books at you, bestie,” you say, letting your voice rise in volume for dramatics as you grab your phone to peek up in the view finder, cooing when you see Helen’s dog in her shot. “Ooh my god! Is that Blackjack?”

“No, it’s some random plush I got at this thrift store—”

“Hi Blackjack!” You exclaim excitedly, ignoring Helen’s words completely before squealing quietly when he looks at the camera. “Hi, buddy! How are you? Is momma being a meanie?”

“Hey! Don’t brainwash my kid!” Helen whines, trying to cover Blackjack’s eyes from her phone. But he’s still getting excited to see your face.

“Blackjack, do you wanna stay with me while your momma gets it on with the bookstore worker?” You coo in an even more annoying tone over the phone as you walk over to your full length mirror.

“His momma is about ready to hang up on her friend if she’s gonna throw her under the bus like this,” Helen says, huffing. You laugh fondly, finally relenting as Blackjack replies with a little bark.

“I’m sorry, it’s just fun to do that.”

“If you and Loki end up getting together and get a pet for a child, I’m making your life hell.”

You find your face heating up at her words and opt to switch the camera around to show your mostly completely outfit in your mirror.

“Anyways,” you say, clearing your throat, “what do we think? Does this work?”

“Oh, yes,” Helen purrs through the phone. You laugh at her reaction, doing little poses which only entices her to cheer more. “I would call this date if I were him. You’re hot.”

“And you’re bisexual, of course you would say that.”

“Says you. You know you’re looking in a mirror, right? Bisexual help bisexual—“

You cut her off by laughing. “I’m a failed bisexual, no sex has shown attraction to me in years, and even then I couldn’t seem to make a move.”

“Hey, you still tried your best! It’s alright, now you’ve got this hot guitarist coming for you,” Helen explains as you flip the camera on your phone back to your face. “And, hey. If it works out? Imagine the tour sex—“

“Helen!”

“What! I know you haven’t ever, but still! I know what’s in those bedside drawers!”

You’re trying to hold back your laughter as you land back on your bed, head on your pillows as you keep your outfit on for the show. “Yeah, yeah, moving on.”

“For now, sure,” Helen finishes, chuckling at your reply. The two of you relax in comfortable silence. Occasionally Blackjack makes some snoring noises or small, tiny barks.

“What if tonight sucks? The band could be shit.”

“I don’t think it would be if they got a pub to basically have them perform on Saturdays. And if the guitarist is hot, wouldn’t you think the rest of ’em are?”

“Compelling argument.” You take a breath before letting out a small sigh. “Their vocalist is hot.”

“Oh?” Helen perks up, tilting her head. “Which was that at your booth?”

“The woman in the corner, Brunn.”

“That’s….so true.”

You snort, sitting up suddenly. “You literally saw her once or twice, Helen.”

“Still hot!”

“Okay, okay, I gotta get my stuff and go if I wanna be on time, we can argue over their hotness as a band later.”

Helen whines dramatically on her end as you watch her and her dog fondly start to whine together. You’re thankful for Helen, especially at this moment. You don’t think you could go to anyone else about all of this, and you’re happy she’s just here with you in it.

“I love you.”

Helen coos. “I love you too! Now go kiss hot guitar man.”

“Literally a not-first-date-date but okay,” you quip, a wide smile on your face before you’re waving through the screen and saying goodbye properly, talking in puppy-speak for Blackjack before the FaceTime call is over, and you’re stuck looking at yourself in the viewfinder of your phone’s app.

You sigh to yourself before closing the app and tossing your phone on the bed next to you. In your head, you’re figuring out the best route to get to the pub The Revengers were going to be at, all while spontaneously deciding to add a little makeup to your look. It was really only some light eye makeup, and a tiny, tiny dash of red lipstick just to have more than black with the rest of your outfit.

However, this made you have to rush to get your shoes on, as well as grabbing your keys and wallet so you could leave your bag at home. Thankfully, traffic was light as you listened to your phone guiding you through the streets, and the only problem you had was finding the extra parking for The Queen’s Pub in the back lot. You didn’t expect the pub to be so packed.

But it was almost out of spots. And it was just turning 6.

Maybe The Revengers wouldn’t be bad as your anxiety thought it would be.

Walking into Queen’s Pub is…nice. It’s got a nice industrial vibe to it, high ceilings with exposed scaffoldings and ventilation pipes, tables scattered around the spacious ballroom-like floor. The front half has lost a good chunk of tables and seats though, due to the main stage that’s farther into the building to give a makeshift pit as if it were a proper concert venue.

To your left as you make your way in, past a small pod of people near the entryway, is an expansive bar. It’s well lit with LEDs it seems, and it looks like they have every liquor known to man.

“Hi! Welcome in!” One of the younger bartenders exclaims as they shake a drink to perfection. You smile and nod their way, just now realizing how many people were actually inside.

The cars didn’t do it justice.

All the seats were occupied, and people were standing together in small pods in the makeshift pit, around the edges of the stage. The energy was electric, and you knew everyone was here for the band that was due to play here soon.

You elect to bypass the bar for now, and make your way to the front to get a good spot to watch the band. Loki said to be here at 6 sharp, so you’re unsure if that means they’re to play soon or not.

Since everyone is just simply chatting and bouncing around to conversation, you’re basically at the edge of the stage, which you found pretty cool. And, at least Loki will know you didn’t dip. From here you noticed the front drum had the bands name on it, The Revengers.

The decal is centered, but the word the is positioned more to the left, and revengers is leaning more to the right, the R just under the final E in the word before it. It’s an interesting choice, and a pretty decent quality decal from what you can see.

You decide to pull your eyes away from the drum and the stage, taking in the rest of the pub as you stand straight. You don’t want to magically make eye contact with anyone that happens to roam on the stage prior to this. You may just lose your mind with embarrassment.

Even though the pub is alive with chatter, you still hear what sounds like tuning from a bass and a guitar. You could only think that’s Loki and Bruce, it’s blatantly obvious considering the line up of the band.

Just as you tried to listen in to whatever else was happening backstage, you noticed a large wall towards where more seating was at a slightly lower level that as filled with some band memorabilia. Granted, you didn’t know what band or bands, but you make a mental note to look at it just as the amps hum to life, gaining your attention as well as the rest of the pub goers.

You’ve been to a few concerts, but never this close, nor this exciting for more than just you.

Everyone seems to know that cue, and come to the makeshift floor as a tall older man with a head full of greying curls come on stage with a wireless microphone.

“Hello folks!” He says happily into the microphone, not at all getting any interference from the everything that’s on the stage. “How’re we doing tonight?”

You cheer with the rest of the people, a smile working its way onto your face out of excitement.

“Good, good,” he continues, laughing. “Well, it’s Saturday, and we’ve got some good bands up tonight. But of course, it wouldn’t be a Saturday without The Revengers, now would it?”

Everyone around you cheers a little louder, and you can’t help but continue to cheer with them as this man warms the crowd up. He cheers with everyone, holding the mic away from his mouth before he’s turning to look back stage and laugh again, the mic going back to his mouth.

“Right! Okay, well. I won’t keep them any longer, they’re getting antsy back there. Ladies and gentlemen, Queen’s Pub is proud to present, The Revengers!”

You can’t describe the uproar the audience has once the man is off the stage once his microphone is placed on it’s stand and he’s walking to the wings of the stage, clapping Thor on the shoulder as he walks by. They’re all glowing. Not only from the stage lights, but their smiles are ginormous.

You should have attended a concert a lot sooner. Because seeing all four of The Revengers like this? It genuinely makes your heart swell, you can just tell how much they love this.

And they should. You hear how many people love them in this packed pub right now.

“Good evenin’ everybody,” Brunn says into the mic as everyone calms down. “Nice to see you’re not just here for Brian and his alcohol.”

“We’re here for that too!” A random voice in the audience yells that causes more laughter to erupt both from the audience and Brunn.

“Well, same here.” Brunn’s trying to find the person, as if she’ll know who it is before entirely giving up when Loki leans close to her and starts muttering as his hands plug in his guitar to his set amp perfectly without even looking.

Your eyes are immediately settled on him. He’s basically in front of you anyways, it’s hard to not notice anything. You spot his nails first and foremost, they’re painted. It looks like black polish, but you notice a twinge of another color when the lights hit it. You’ll have to ask when you see him after their set.

After that, it’s all downhill for you and your crush from there. He’s got the tightest pair of skinny jeans on that you see between him and his instrument as he and Brunn laugh before he’s walking back to his side of the stage. Paired with that, he’s got on the tightest tank top possible, his biceps seem to be bulging slightly, and you’re thankful that you haven’t got a drink on you right now because you would have choked on it.

Loki’s….god.

“So, we’re gonna start with a little cover from a little band called Queen, because Brian won’t shut up about it,” Brunn says, pausing only to let the cheering go up again before gaining control of the crowd, “I know I know! We love Revengers singing Queen, I know. After that we’ll just sing some new stuff we’ve been working on and then Cheerful Rangers will take good care of you all about an hour after you’ve all sobered up from us. Alright?”

Brunn had to love the audience reaction. She eggs them on like it’s her job. Which, in a way it is between her day shifts at some clothing store.

“Okay! Let’s go!”

Before the audience could react properly, Loki was already starting to play, expertly plucking the beginning to the unfamiliar song while Brunn turns around to converse with Thor quickly.

You wish you had more eyes than you do. The Revengers on stage as a group is like a well oiled machine. You don’t even know the song they’re playing at the moment, but they add their own spins on it, solos that sound longer than normal, and they’re just having fun.

It’s refreshing to see, and this is only the first song of the night.

Sure, it’s a song by Queen, but The Revengers claim it all as their own, just for tonight. Your eyes move from Brunn to Loki several times before you’re looking at Bruce and Thor jamming together in their own little world. You could watch this literally all night.

And Loki? God, Loki was a sight. Loki always made it seem like he belonged in any place he walked into once he was comfortable, but here, on the stage, he just oozed confidence. He just seemed to only get hotter not only through the song, but their entire set.

His hands just glide along his guitar as if he doesn’t even need to think much about it, yet his face is a mix of concentration and..well, you don’t want to admit it to yourself, but: sex.

It’s like he’s trying to make this sexual, and it’s making your mind go nuts.

You’re too focused in on Loki and his playing enough to forget that this is a concert and they just finished a song, so everyone is cheering. Thankfully, it’s loud, so you’re quick to snap out of the trance Loki’s set you in to clap and cheer along.

The rest of the concert after the Queen song goes exactly like it did the first time around. You’re watching Loki solely as he’s playing, you’re staring at his fingers, occasionally his face as he tilts his head up to his microphone to add backing vocals which also contribute to making you a puddle.

If you weren’t taken by Loki earlier this week, you certainly fucking were now.

Their set doesn’t last as long as you’re wishing it would. By the time they finish off their final song of the night, you’ve worked up a sweat by dancing with the rest of the small group you’ve gotten acquainted with at the front. It’s only when Brunn thanks the crowd for even bothering to show up before she’s leaving the stage do you realize The Revengers are done for the night, but Loki, Bruce, and Thor play on together for a little longer.

It’s like you’re watching a jam session, the way Bruce and Loki come together to stand near Thor’s drums and play what just sounds right before they cut their instruments off at the perfect time within each other and they wave goodbye as you and the rest of the crowd go wild.

The cheering goes on for a sliver more than you expect it to, and keeps going as you try to fight through some of the people to finally make it to the bar. Truthfully, you could leave after seeing Loki. You really saw no other reason to be here, considering you only wanted to see The Revengers in action.

And boy did you.

Once you made it onto the barstool at the nearly empty bar, the bartender that greeted you when you first entered the establishment comes over.

“Hey! What can I get started for you tonight?”

“Hi, uh,” you pause, trying to think of something you’d like to drink before just taking a breath and sighing. “I’m not really too sure. Something with vodka, I know that much. What would you recommend?”

The bartender smiles and nods. “Don’t worry about it, I got you. Do you like grapefruit?”

“I have no idea, but I’m willing to try,” you respond with a smile. The bartender nods before they’re off and making your drink. Once you know you’re not going to be asked any questions, you turn and look at the entire pub.

It’s significantly less full now. It’s pretty obvious most people were here for The Revengers and them alone. And truthfully, even if you’re biased, you don’t blame them.

But still, you felt a little bad for however many bands there are after this.

“Did you have the uh,” a familiar voice asks from behind the bar, “I don’t remember the bloody name of this thing, but it’s got grapefruit in it?”

You turn around to be met with the grey haired man who introduced the band earlier in the evening. “Yeah! Yeah, that’s me.”

He smiles kindly at you and places your drink down in front of you. “Then here you are. I take it you had fun watching The Revengers.”

“Oh, absolutely,” you respond, laughing lightly before moving to take a sip of the drink from the rocks glass, enjoying the small sour taste from the drink before being hit with the salt that was on your lips from the rim. You clear your throat before speaking again. “I was told they’d be good, I didn’t anticipate just how good.”

“Really? They’re talked about at a lot of places around here,” he explains, shocked before leaning on the opposite end of the bar. “How did you hear about them?”

“Oh, uh, through their guitarist,” you explain, your face heating up just having to think about the performance you just watched literally inches away from your face. “Loki.”

“Oh!” He exclaims, standing straight before clapping his hands together, saying your name with confidence. You raise a brow.

“Yes? That’s me.” You take a slow sip, confused as to how this curly haired man knows your name.

“I’m Brian, the owner,” he—Brian—explains with a hand placed in the middle of his chest. “I understand that’s weird, and I apologize. Loki said you’d be coming and to put you on the tab.”

“Oh.” Yeah, oh is right. Loki put you on their tab? You’re damn near close to asking if you can just go ahead and pay for the damned drink before Loki’s suddenly here and jumping onto a stool next to you.

“Hey!” Loki exclaims once you’ve turned around to actually look at him, taking another sip of your drink. “You made it!”

“Of course I did!” You say after you’ve swallowed. You noticed that Brian had left the two of you, probably to go and get Loki a drink. “Why wouldn’t I come?”

“I was just worried you wouldn’t get the note on my receipt,” Loki explains, becoming a little shy before running a hand through his hair once or twice to keep it out of his face. He’s still visibly sweaty, but not as much as he was on stage.

You could honestly just stare at him all night, the longer you look at him, the more features you find yourself fixating on. Like his slightly smudged eyeliner that makes his eyes pop a little under the LEDs of the bar.

“Please, if Helen found it she would have told the entire restaurant I was going out to see a rockstar tonight. I assure you of that.”

“You know,” Loki starts with a boyish smile, looking at you head on. “I don’t doubt it.”

You hide how you’re swooning at his stupid face by taking another sip of your drink as you snort. Smacking your lips, you speak again. “She’s that predictable, huh?”

“It’s Helen,” Loki starts before Brian is back with a small glass filled with some amber looking liquid. “Thank you, Bri.”

“‘Course,” he replies. “I’ll talk with you about the show later, but the cover was amazing.”

Loki’s beaming, giving Brian a wide smile before he’s raising his glass in Bri’s direction as he walks back off to another end of the bar you don’t bother to twist and see. Loki smiling has you smiling.

“You guys were great, y’know,” you say softly, almost in awe of the man before you. “I’ve never seen a guitarist play that fast.”

“Then you don’t know many guitarists,” Loki quips gently, sipping his alcohol before chuckling. “Sorry, that sounds rude.”

“No, no, you’re right. I don’t normally pay attention that much, but you had me hooked since the first song.”

“Since the Queen song or everything after that?”

You pause, trying to find the words to reply before just taking a breath and chuckling: “yes.”

Loki laughs with you, taking another sip of his drink. “Well, that’s good to know. You should have came last week, we had Roger to sing something for us.”

“Roger?”

“Yeah, Roger’s the co-owner of The Queen’s Pub with Brian. They’ve been friends for years.”

“Ooh,” you nod in understanding, sipping your drink before licking at the salted rim again for a little kick. “And before I forget, can I just go ahead and pay you for putting me on your tab? Like, it’s super sweet of you to do that, but I can pay—“

“No, absolutely not,” Loki says with a playful stern tone. “Not happening.”

You pout at Loki, finally putting your drink down to arm up your hand that’s been holding the glass this whole time. “Loki..”

“I’m serious, it’s fine. Brian never lets us pay it anyways,” he explains with a chuckle, putting his glass down as well. “We’ve had it since the early days—before we even had a name, let alone songs we wrote on the napkins here, we started paying at first. But then Brian saw how much traffic comes in here, the people pay for our drinks themselves just by showing up.”

“So The Revengers gives Queen’s Pub recognition and notoriety.” You mean your statement to be a question, but you knew the answer on your own. Your smile only seems to grow, hearing more bits and pieces to sew together the story behind The Revengers. “That’s—“

“Smart,” Loki finishes for you. “I know. We’ve tried to have Brian let us pay regardless, but he’s a stubborn bastard. He tells us it’s not just ‘cause of that though. Says it’s a thank you for taking him back to his old days every Saturday night.”

You laugh with Loki this time, leaning against the backing of the bar stool. “I mean, must be nice then! Brian sounds like the best granddad a person could have.”

Loki laughs a little harder at your joke before taking his glass to swallow the final sip of his drink. “He can be, for sure. Other times, it’s almost like he’s our manager, which is weird, but we let him do it anyway.”

You snort, smiling as you listen to Loki continuing to ramble a bit more about the pub. It made your heart start beating tenfold just by how passionate and excited he was telling you just every little detail he possibly could about it. He really cared about this pub and everyone in it. You could tell just by his excited hand movements and the fond look on his face alone. And you couldn’t help but find him more endearing at this point in the night.

Somehow, an hour passes, and the next act plays. You stay at Loki’s side, both in the makeshift pit of the stage, and back at the bar for another round of drinks after Cheerful Rangers actually played an actually good gig—you hate to sound so negative, but you didn’t see it coming; especially when high schoolers romped out onto the stage.

That’s how the night goes, really. You and Loki going from bar to stage, eventually opting in to drink water after the third act of the night—some of the songs got you and Loki dancing together, and you’re back to sweating.

As someone who hasn’t had many first dates (many? Hell, you’ve only had one, and even then it wasn’t as glamorous as this), you genuinely didn’t want the night to end. But the lights on the stage come down as Brian finishes the night with a small speech about thanking people for coming out as per always, giving everyone a final cheer before everyone is cleaning up after themselves and going to their own respective tables to keep the night alive. You look to Loki, unsure of what this means for the two of you.

Are you leaving? Staying and chatting more over water? Sharing more little snacks Brian drops off with a joke about the tab?

“Hey,” Loki says a little louder than normal. He’d probably tried to get your attention before this. You turn to look at him.

“Hm?”

“I’ve gotta help pack stuff into Bruce’s car, do you want a quick tour backstage while I help out? See everyone again?”

You’re already nodding before you even properly process what you’ve been asked, Loki lacing your hands together firmly as he guides you around a few small pods of people who are still choosing to stand for the evening.

“Oh,” you voice suddenly, noticing the door just next to stage left. “Through here?”

Loki lets out a soft laugh, nodding. “Yeah. Did you not notice Brian use it?”

You feel your face heating up from embarrassment. “Shut up.”

This only causes Loki to laugh more and make your heart want to slam out of your chest and into Loki’s awaiting hands for him to finally claim it as his own.

Now, you realize, you may have had one too many sips of alcohol. Hopefully this backstage tour makes the slight fog get out of your brain.

Loki swings the door open, and tugs you by your hand to walk through the threshold first, still holding hands as he’s right behind you and starting to take lead down the cream painted hallway.

“So, all these doors we’re starting to pass are dressing rooms,” Loki explains once you’re both walking the same pace, his hand gesturing to some of the doors he’s talking about. “Bri keeps them maintained well, even if none of us use them.”

“Will you ever, do you think?” You question, eyes looking along the walls to see all the pictures covering the walls between the doors. In almost every frame is an autographed…something. You don’t know what some of them are. Some are ticket stubs, some are headshots. Some are even playbills from New York.

“Maybe? Not too sure if I’m honest.” Loki’s stopping you both at the end of the hall, head twisting from right to left. You follow in suit, noticing that to your right, there’s a hall that leads to a wide open door to the back parking lot, and the other side you can see Thor and Brunn chatting animatedly as they both use their arms to rewrap some wire.

“To your right is the technical loading bay,” Loki explains, turning left. “I’m sure that’s obvious.”

“A little,” you quip, giggling. “But it’s fine. I’m getting a tour, you’re required to tell me these things.”

“Very true,” Loki replies, chuckling himself. This hall to where Thor and Brunn are is much shorter, and here is where you notice the main backstage area.

“Finally!” Brunn announces before Loki can beat her from speaking. “There you two are! We’ve been waiting to see you all night!”

“You could have met us at the bar,” Loki fires back immediately, his playful tone evident as he gently pulls you between Brunn and Thor. “I’m giving a tour, I’ll grab the amps here in a sec.”

“You better, lover boy,” Brunn shouts as he pulls you away to the other side of the room as if it’s miles away.

You’re laughing at their interaction before Loki’s clearing his throat. “Anyway.”

“Yes, sorry, do go on,” you say, bringing your laughing down to a giggle.

“Main backstage area,” Loki continues, a smile never leaving his face as he lets your hand go to gesture wide to the room. Brunn finishes her bundle of wire perfectly and does a pose while Thor continues rolling his share of the wire, clueless to what’s even going on.

“Wow.”

“I know,” Loki replies excitedly. “Can be fun before shows. We have a tradition to do a little shot or two before heading out. It’s a good time. The ramps closer to where the actual stage is leads to the stage, obviously.”

“Fun as hell to ride the amps down, by the way,” Brunn cuts in, her wire bundle out of her hands and somewhere in the suit case near Thor. Now she’s grabbing another wire that’s just a pile on the floor to wrap again. “Just be sure you have someone to catch you—“

“There may be a hole behind the couch and we haven’t told Brian,” Bruce cuts in, smiling nervously from his confession. “We’ll tell when we have the money for the damage. So, keep this between us.”

You hold back any cackle you may have, giving everyone a thumbs up in the room before looking to Loki, noticing a hall behind you in your peripheral vision. “I assume there’s more dressing rooms back there?”

“Huh?” Loki whips around before he’s confirming your suspicion. “Yes! It’s the same as the other hall, the door however leads to the backrooms where storage is. Not at all like the fun way we just came in.”

“Boo,” you reply teasingly. “Could at least have something more fun.”

“Tell Brian that,” Loki replies. “He tries to keep a tight ship. Roger’s the fun one.”

“Why do I believe that?”

“Because Brian is a boring name,” Thor chimes, finishing his wire and knotting it off. Everyone looks over at him, eyes wide. You and Brunn had let out some gasps when he even said it.

Thor looked up from his hands, scanning all of your faces. “What? It’s true.”

There’s a beat of silence, before Brunn breaks it.

“I’m so telling him you said that—“

“Brunn!”

“Oh god,” Bruce groans, rubbing his face with his hands. “I’m not involved.”

You and Loki turn to each other and laugh at your friends—well, his friends, really, but you’re hoping that you’re in the team at this point—fond and light.

“I’ll just go and start grabbing those amps from the stage,” Loki says finally, Thor and Brunn’s bickering slowly becoming a background noise. Loki turns to look at you. “If you’d like you can sit and watch Thor and Brunnhilde go at each other, or help. Whichever you’d like, darling.”

The nickname Loki uses absolutely has your face heating again, and you nod, taking a breath to try and recover from the term.

“I’ll, uh,” you start, rubbing your hands together. Your brain is going a few miles per minute. “How can I help?”

Luckily for you, Loki and Bruce are quick to put you to work, taking you out on the stage and showing you how to detach their amps from the pub’s stage set up with ease. You’re in charge of making sure all the wires for them are detached and in your arms to be relayed back to Brunn and Thor in the back.

It’s a relatively easy job, and you’re enjoying watching Bruce and Loki interact a bit more for yourself. Really, you’re happy to see all of them interact more closely than at your job. You can feel how tight they are together as a group, and it makes you feel like you’re intruding slightly.

And yet, they still welcome you with open arms anyways.

“We should be good! Just meet us out back, my car’s parked there!” Bruce shouts to you as you’re coming up the ramp. “We need someone to spot us when we pick up the amp!”

“Got it!” You call back, disappearing back behind the curtain after walking through the wings, Thor and Brunn back to silently raveling the wires you’ve brought them.

It’s not long before you’re back out in the back lot. You can see Bruce’s car just like he said. You can also pick out your car from the small smattering of patrons still in the pub. The night has gotten a bit chilly, unfortunately for you. You’ll simply have to make do.

“Incoming!” Loki shouts, getting your attention as you’re quick to be sure you’re out of his way in the doorway. The amp wheels are loud as Loki continues to speak to his bandmate over the noise. “Bruce, is your trunk clean finally?”

“Yes sir!”

You can’t hide your giggling at their conversation before Loki and Bruce are out with two of the four amps from the stage.

“Okay, so me and Bruce will lift, just be sure we don’t magically drop it, alright?” Loki explains standing straight to shake out his hands and arms and stretching them slightly. You nod obediently, refraining from making the magic joke you were thinking about.

Loki gives you a smile and a nod back before he and Bruce are on either side of one of the two amps, counting to three and positioning their hands on the bottom edges to grip and lifting.

And you want to say you’re paying attention on the amp, but you’re so not.

Loki’s ripped. You’ve noticed his biceps before, sure, but this? In action? His biceps are bulging just like Bruce’s as they lift the large amp together before it’s safe in Bruce’s trunk and you’re rolling the next one over when Bruce asks. You’re thankful for the show Loki’s arms are giving you as the second amp of the night is stacked perfectly in Bruce’s trunk.

The three of you quietly cheer before the process is repeated, and you try to hide how you’re drooling over the way Loki’s arms look for a second time. Thank god your help wasn’t actually needed. You don’t think you’d be able to make it in time before an amp actually broke.

Soon enough, Bruce’s car is packed with most of their instruments, and all the wiring before The Revengers and you are piling back out into the main lobby of The Queen’s Pub.

“Brian!” Brunn shouts in a sing-song voice, Thor immediately shouting a no! and rushing from the back to stop her from her next words. You and Loki stay back as Bruce comes in just after the two of you.

You notice the pub is significantly empty, and turn to Loki for questioning.

“The pub usually closes around this time on Saturdays,” he explains easily. “Brian lets us stay back almost always. Usually he makes us move the chairs and tables back for him so the staff can focus more so on cleaning. Y’know, since Saturdays are always packed.”

You snort, looking over at Loki as your linked hands swing between the two of you. “Really? I would have no clue. Seemed super empty.”

“Oh, stop it,” Loki responds, gently giggling and nudging you before you’re glancing at the clock that hangs just above the LEDs of the bar that Brian is currently paused cleaning to talk with Brunn.

10:05 pm. Jesus Christ.

You’ve basically spent all day here.

“Oh, I didn’t even know it was ten,” you say suddenly hand—unfortunately—letting go of Loki’s to move to the your back pocket of your jeans to check your phone. You’ve checked it periodically through the night, and there wasn’t many notifications worth your time besides a bunch of texts from Helen. “Damn..”

“Do you need to get going?” Loki asks, gently grabbing your arm and stopping the two of you from walking as you look at your phone screen. You feel Bruce walk around the two of you with a soft apology. “I didn’t ask if you worked tomorrow, I’m sorry—“

“No, no, you’re so okay,” you say, looking up at Loki with a grin as you pocket your phone. “I just didn’t expect it to be ten, I have work around noon.”

Loki mirrors your smile, and you don’t notice the four pairs of eyes on you from the bar as he takes a breath. “Well, you should get home then, shouldn’t you?”

You mimic his breath, which only causes him to chuckle. “Unfortunately.”

“Well, allow me to walk you to your car? The more fun way, of course,” Loki teases, holding his arm out for you to hook your own with his. You’re quick to playfully courtesy and lock arms, laughing with him as he guides you back through the stage door just like earlier in the night, making small talk with each other.

You’re tired, but you really don’t want this night to end. Loki’s been so lovely. Everything has been so lovely. From the dancing in the audience together to watching Loki shred on his guitar—you’ll be thinking about that for who knows how long.

Eventually when you both get outside, you switch from locked arms to holding hands one last time. You ask him about the tiny things from the show tonight now, what color is his nail polish, really. Do they coordinate outfits? What were they laughing about as he played the opening chords?

“Well, Brunn was pointing out something Brian was doing,” Loki answers. “The nail polish is some matte oil spill color, it was laying around when we were rehearsing and Brunn insisted, Brunn also forces us to coordinate if need be, because Thor will show up in the worst outfit imaginable if you let him.”

You’re laughing as the two of you are finally getting close to your car. “No! That’s so sad. Thor has fashion—“

“Absolutely not!” Loki exclaims as he lets you start to guide him. “As his brother, I am offended. He’s not fashionable. At all. Whatsoever.”

You’re still giggling before you see some of your little bumper stickers on the back trunk of your car, smiling sadly. You feel Loki gripping your hand a little tighter and so you turn around before shuffling to lean against your trunk.

“This is me,” you say finally, refraining from showing your true emotion. “Thank you for finally getting me to a show.”

“Thank you for coming,” Loki replies, smiling as his thumb rubs over your knuckles comfortingly. “I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

“It was the most fun I’ve had in a while, I’ll admit,” you shuffle on your feet momentarily, looking down at your feet to watch as you toe some asphalt before looking back up at Loki.

Loki’s giving you this…look. You’re not sure what look it is—actually, it seems to be something fond like how he was when he was watching his friends and brother interact—but it’s giving you this weird tug in your stomach. Almost like you just want to kiss him which, to you, is a new and exciting feeling.

“Well that just means we’ll have to bring you out here again then, doesn’t it?” Loki questions smoothly, a small smirk quirking at the corner of his lips.

You’re grinning at those words, the offer to return here could genuinely make you squeal with where this future with him could be headed.

“Absolutely,” you say, trying not to bounce on your toes as you get off of your trunk, starting to walk backwards to your driver’s side, tugging Loki with you. “Just tell me about the next gig, and I’ll absolutely be there. For the Cheerful Rangers, of course.”

Loki scoffs and places a hand on his chest as he allows you to tug him. “Wow. They stole the show tonight for you? And I thought you were here for me.”

You laugh, finally dropping Loki’s hand to fish around in your pockets to try and grab your car keys in the slowest fashion as possible. Your skin feels arm knowing his gaze is on you before you reply.

“You’re a mere bonus, rockstar.” You like the way the nickname sounds, you realize. It fit Loki both on and off the stage a little too perfectly, especially after tonight. “I’ll catch you later?”

“Catch you later,” Loki confirms gently, his hands moving to his back pockets. “Get home safe, yeah?”

“I can try, just for you.” You’re almost back tracking, but Loki’s smiling and slowly stepping back from where you stand near your drivers side door.

“Thank you,” he replies before giving a final goodbye. You pout playfully, shouting a last goodbye back before you’re getting in your car and Loki’s headed back into the building.

Your drive home is a blur in the best way possible. For some not-date-date, it definitely felt like a date for your very tiny book. The radio doesn’t have any decent music playing, which is unfortunate. As you’re at a red light, you realize that maybe one day you’ll hear Loki on the radio. With Brunn, Bruce, and Thor. And that makes you giddy endlessly for them. They deserved it.

The rest of your drive you’re thinking about the performance, Loki’s hand in yours, the way Loki played, and it isn’t until you get home that you realize you never exchanged god damn numbers.

“Fuck!” You exclaim into your empty apartment, groaning as your keys fly to your small hall table near your door, hands pressing to your eyes out of annoyance.

#loki x reader #guitarist!loki x reader #loki odinson x reader #loki odinson imagine #loki laufeyson x reader #loki laufeyson imagine #marvel writer #marvel imagine #marvel x reader #rachael writes #tiftt —g!l au

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havoc-warband · 2 years ago

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(@commanderhorncleaver) I got an ask similar to this and it made me curious, how does Vik feel about the idea of having cubs? I'm interested in your thoughts on both the cultural perspective and his own considerations!

ngl my first reaction reading this was was a bodily "o u g h" (mixture of surprise & Intrigue)

Vikaros himself will never even think (or allow himself to think) of cubs for as long as there is still a job for him to do. Because his jobs are always dangerous, and as long as his own life is in danger, he cannot see himself as someone who could have cubs. This is not the standard in the High Legions, legion soldiers have lots of cubs while still engaging in life-threatening business, but Vikaros has Been Through Shit and met the Olmakhan and that's impacted him on a subconscious level.

He is decent with cubs and children of any race in general, though: he's a protector, and these are tiny young powerless creatures that need protecting, and that Speaks To Him. Maybe he'd be a helicopter parent at the start, if he does eventually get around to having some, before he learns that this is Not The Way To Go.

Also since i projected so hard when i wrote the original lore, I'm pretty sure Vikaros is demi. Characters write themselves like this & i'll let him figure it out on his own & he'll tell me when he figures it out /aff so there's not even anyone for him to have cubs with right now and i have no idea if there will be in the future. i definitely haven't made hard plans along those lines for him or anyone else in the 'band

I think that culturally, there's so much going on that there wouldn't be speculation at a high level, but anyone of any kind of notoriety will always get low-level gossip generated about them. There would be gossip about how he doesn't claim any cubs, about how he doesn't seem to be any kind of non-battlefield active, soldiers bragging about how they would be able to get him into bed, etc... Vikaros doesn't know about this talk. The warband does. The soldiers that get overheard by the warband don't spread any gossip after being overheard. (they won't be dead, they'll just be... convinced to stop. with a sword)

personally i am hoping very hard that the final expansion will see us get into retirement from being Commander because i can 100% see vik getting/adopting cubs once he can conceive of the possibility. perhaps an epilogue of the warband dissolving as there are no more wars left to win - they'll stay friends/family for the rest of their lives, of course, and keep in contact and what not, but they may not all have the same personal goals once the fighting is over.... but that is very off track

hypothetical scenario because now i'm giggling: random person does end up getting through the Warband Barricade and is able to ask vik "do you think you'll ever have cubs?"

he'd just stare. blink a few times. and gruffly say "no, get out of my sight" but actually secretly it would unlock Ideas Deep Down that he will now be thinking about, like semi-panickedly "do i want kids?? me, kids??? what would they even be like- with who- mine??? or adopted?????" and he'd just have a bit of a crisis until he realized his desire to Not do that while he's still fighting & carrying the world on his shoulders and then Consciously suppresses thoughts of kids until such time when it will be possible in His Mind

#Vikaros Havocforge #havoc warband #guild wars 2 #charr #jdbfhgjkhb this was fun to answer because god i do Not Know. anything.#and now vikaros also does Not Know Anything

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recurring-polynya · 3 years ago

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Renji prompt: The Vice-Captain exam combat exhibition. Who was there to witness it? Who was he fighting? Did anyone have a snide remark? Did Aizen show up to tell him he was proud of Renji overcoming his early troubles? Did Kenpachi ask to do the exhibition and pout when he was told no?

I hope you don’t mind if I take this one as more of a meta than trying to write a fanfic around it. Writing fight scenes is not my favorite, and one extended Vice Captains’ Exam description was enough for me. 😂

I had already decided ages ago that Ukitake and Komamura were the proctors at Renji’s exam (there’s even a mention of this waaaaaaay back in Not Broken, Just Bent).

I love the idea of Aizen lurking around, being Peak Snide, but when he corners Renji during the Soul Society Arc, he says they haven’t seen each other in a long time, so I don’t think he was there. A thing that’s important here is that Hisagi, Hinamori, Kira, Iba, and then finally Renji must have all taken the exam in a fairly tight period (by which I mean a few years, but also everyone’s semi-immortal). I think Aizen tried to have his thumb in most of these, and at this point, Sasakibe’s gotta be like, “you’re always so helpful, Captain Aizen, but I think some of the other captains should be contributing, too!” In any case, I am positive he wrote a long, unsolicited letter of his Renji Opinions that was probably extremely carefully worded to look supportive, but put his “doubts” on record for when he eventually needed to frame Renji for racketeering or something, like you do.

In any case, Aizen didn’t come, but I think Gin did. You’re allowed to invite your friends, and since Renji loves a cheering section, he asked the whole gang. When Kira was like “hey, Captain, I’m gonna go see Abarai’s exam”, Gin was like “Oh, that sounds fun, I’m coming” and he hovered behind Kira the whole time and was Creepy. Fortunately, Iba and the Squad 11 gang are 100% Immune to Bad Vibes and also Very Loud and everyone except Kira basically forgot he was there.

I headcanon that Kenpachi does not give a shit about any sort of Gotei procedures or exams or certifications. I don’t even know how they even get him to go to Captains’ Meetings. I often wonder what Kenpachi even thinks about Renji and Iba, who are good officers and follow his rules, but have career aspirations which frankly, he does not vibe with. Ultimately, I think Zaraki is a live-and-let-live sort of guy. He enjoys having them while he has them, and while he thinks transferring to another squad for a promotion is a dumb idea, he respects that they have their own goals, and he signs whatever forms they ask him to sign without trying to talk them out of it. Anyway, Zaraki can fight Renji any time he wants, under proper Squad 11 rules (one-on-one, no kidou bullshit, fight until someone can’t get up). Zaraki probably has a weekly slot on his schedule for fighting Renji. Zaraki did not attend.

So, who handled Renji’s exhibition fights then? As per my fanfic, Call Me Back When the War is Over, there are 5 demonstration portions of the Vice Captains’ Exam (6 if you choose to do kaido, which Renji did not). The kidou and shunpo demos are solo. The other three are zanjutsu (swordsmanship), hakuda (hand-to-hand) and an anything-goes overall combat readiness demo, each of which is overseen by a volunteer Vice Captain.

As I said earlier, a difficulty that presented itself during Renji’s exam is that a lot of the Vice Captains were brand new, and also his close friends, which closed off a lot of options, but Nanao got it figured out.

For zanjutsu, his opponent was Lieutenant Shirogane, his predecessor at Squad 6. Shirogane had been planning out his retirement for a while, and had been attending and helping with the last few exams, scoping out his own potential replacement. Squad 6 likes well-rounded soldiers, but they do put a heavy emphasis on zanjutsu, particularly formal swordsmanship. Renji was known to be a strong fighter and a good swordsman, and Shirogane (and Byakuya) were very curious to see if he had any actual knowledge of the subject, or if he was just an undisciplined thug like most of Zaraki’s men. Suffice it to say, Shirogane was very impressed, and passed on a glowing recommendation to his boss.

For hakuda, Renji had to go up against Nemu. Nemu doesn’t often help out with exams, but like I said, there had been a lot of exams recently, and Nanao sent a bunch of increasingly nasty memos to Kurotsuchi until he gave in and let her help. This was actually a pretty decent draw for Renji-- he is strong and fast, and decent at hakuda, but it’s not his strongest subject, and he spent a bunch of time boning up on the standard moves for the test. Nemu is also very strong and fast, and very by-the-book. In other words, the test was very predictable and true to form with no surprises, and Renji was able to make a good showing, even if she did pin him in the spar.

I hope you’re ready for this, but Renji had to do his overall combat demo against… Matsumoto. Matsumoto likes to act like a lazy slob, but she is actually very strong and smart and well-rounded and tricky. She is significantly older and more experienced than Renji and also, I headcanon that she has a lot of fighting skills that she holds in reserve (in particular, some absolutely brutal hakuda that Isshin taught her). Renji had been trying to get her to fight him seriously for years and she never would, so he got really hype when he found out who he was going up against. Rangiku was prepared for Renji to be tough, but as it happens, Haineko is a lot like Senbonzakura in terms of techniques one might use against them, and Renji turned out to be smarter than she expected, too. That being said, it was an incredible fight, and they ran out the time without a clear winner (although Renji’s hair was on fire, which probably would have become a problem eventually). Renji had a great time and is dying to fight her again; Matsumoto spent the following week refusing to do anything because she was “too tired.”

The upshot is that Renji’s exam was super fun to watch (except for the kidou section, which was Sad, but everyone cheered for him anyway, and at least it was over quickly). The other captains who showed up to watch were Kyouraku (because Nanao and Juushirou were there and also because he loves shirking) and Hitsugaya (because he likes to watch Rangiku fight and he vaguely knows Renji through Hinamori). Renji made a really good impression both with his skills and his enthusiasm, and I think that is one of the reasons he is later noted to be “well-liked by all the captains.”

Thanks for the ask, this one was a lot of fun to think about!

#renji's birthday 2k21

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linklethehistorian · 3 years ago

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BSD Season 4 Reveal: Initial Impressions

Speculation and initial personal thoughts under the cut due to spoilers for the manga up to Chapter 95.5, and Storm Bringer (and also the Fifteen light novel and the previous anime seasons, but I should expect that’s a given by now and no longer requires a spoiler warning to begin with, since it’s been years).

Hello, everyone! It’s good to see you again! As I’m sure you all know, last night I was made aware of the announcement for BSD anime Season 4, and now that I’ve gotten some decent sleep and had some time to reflect on the announcement with a clearer and more alert mind, I’d like to share all of my initial musings on the matter with you — both positive and negative.

I actually do have a quite a few points I’d like to cover, so rather than going on one long, messy rant, I’m going to be separating them into different sections as per my two previous articles — here and here (the latter of which is still in progress) — on the animated series.

With that out of the way, let’s begin!

Season 4 Light Novel Adaption Expectations & Thoughts

Given the series’ at-times-beloved-and-at-other-times-disastrous past tradition of including a light novel adaption into each season of the anime, I do think it should go without saying that the speculation on which one, if any, will get chosen to be “brought to life” through the TV series this time is a very valid avenue for anyone to want to go down immediately upon finding out that there is going to be yet another season.

Personally, I don’t think any speculative analysis of a new season is complete without that kind of banter, so let’s explore the possibilities and what exactly they each entail, shall we?

Ordinarily, I would have tended to go on a longer ramble about the situation and all of its implications than I actually will this time around, but thankfully, most of what I’ve already said and the reasoning I’ve already laid out in my speculative article on the previous season still holds up, so today, I will mostly just be building off of that, instead. (If you haven’t read that already, I do highly recommend reading it before you finish this mini-article, but it isn’t strictly necessary, for I’ll probably quote or summarize most of the important parts here.)

As stated there, while there are, in fact, still many light novels to cover in the anime before we’ll have seen them all — Untold Story, 55 Minutes, BSD Gaiden, BEAST, and the at-the-time-unknown-of Kunikida and Katai's Magnificent Days short story and Storm Bringer — when we take into account informative relevance to the current arc and all previous seasons, we are really left with only a few possibilities.

BSD Gaiden, being a spinoff in its own right, is, if anything, better suited to being a movie — or better yet, becoming its own spinoff animated series, sometime in the distant future, and has nothing of major relevance to contribute to the main series at all at present.

BEAST, while informative in some ways about the Book that is so highly sought after and semi-used in Season 4′s arc(s), is honestly the farthest of all light novels from being necessary to introduce into the main animated series. To quote the aforementioned piece I wrote prior to Season 3′s release:

Yes, [...] I too agree that the things this novel brings to light about the Book and its functionality are almost as insightful and compelling as the very premise itself; however, [...] in the end, this story is an AU and therefore has the least necessity to be brought into the animated series in any way, and I’m quite sure that if any of the information from it regarding the Book is truly essential to the main series, it will be brought up at some point within those events on its own, as I can’t imagine that Asagiri would ever leave critical information only within what otherwise would appear to be an entirely optional side story/spinoff. [...]

If BEAST is to be animated at some point at all [...] I feel that it would be best served [...] as its own standalone movie, probably ideally released sometime after our hypothetical Season 4, which should be fairly Book-centric in itself.

Furthermore, now that BEAST has its very own, fully-fledged live-action movie coming out, as much as I may enjoy the idea of seeing it animated someday, I really don’t think that that will — or even should — be taken into consideration anytime in the near future, when there are many other novels already waiting to get their chance to come to life in a movie or TV series that haven’t gotten such special treatment or privileges.

In regards to the Kunikida and Katai's Magnificent Days short story, I’ll admit that is the novel (if it is to be called such) I know the least about at present, but from what I do know about it, although it does star two characters who appear in both Season 3 and Season 4, it also doesn’t seem to establish anything of critical importance to either of these seasons, or the main story as a whole. Thus, I feel that placing it as this season’s light novel adaption — although it may be able to be squeezed into a very small number of episodes with no issue, from what I understand, if not just one — would be a waste of both time and opportunity, if they’re determined to keep with this tradition; I think it would really just be better off being adapted as a bonus OVA of some sort later on, if they felt the need to animate it, as I frankly don’t feel it’s long enough or high-stakes enough to be worthy of an entire movie, however cute or touching it may be. As for 55 Minutes, while I do think it’s one of the better candidates out of the bunch to be chosen, my feelings about it ultimately still remain as they did over two years ago: that it would be best relegated to a movie, either released sometime between the previous season and Season 4, or — given the better understanding I obviously have of Season 3′s contents now — between Season 4 and a potential Season 5, depending on how far into the manga we truly go in this season (more on that question in the next section).

If you would like to know more about my reasoning for why I think 55 Minutes could be considered a good candidate to go alongside Season 4′s (or a potential Season 5′s) main arc(s) at all, you can read about that in my previous article’s section on the subject, as well why I think that although it is a good candidate, between it and Untold Story, the latter is really a much better fit to be integrated directly into the new episodes. As much as I would like to talk about that again here, I think it would just be a massive waste of time to merely (and probably poorly) re-iterate what I’ve already said and documented very well in the past, when that information is presently available for you to go back and read at any time.

Now, with all of the above eliminated from the running, that ultimately leaves us with the two possibilities I think are most feasible for them to choose: Untold Story and Storm Bringer.

Oh, and I know, I know — I can hear the metaphorical stones being cast at me already; how dare I mention Storm Bringer as an option above all those older novels for them to pick? I’m clearly just biased and want to see more of my favorite character/story getting animated, or I must be a Soukoku shipper (I’m personally not, by the way), or some such thing; go ahead, get it out of your systems, I know it’s probably in there from the moment you read that, but, if you do think any of that, you’re actually very highly mistaken...sadly.

I would love to have listed Storm Bringer of my own volition, because I’m “biased” and excited about it; that would definitely be a more fun reason for me to have done it, personally, but...that’s not remotely the case.

In actuality, if I got to choose between the two novels in regards to which would get to be this Season’s light novel representation in the anime, I would actually still choose Untold Story, just as I did for the then-hypothetical Season 4 I explored the possibility of prior to Season 3′s release.

To quote myself during that time, I still very much do believe that:

[...] yes, [...] you could absolutely adapt Untold Story into season three, and yes, it would give everyone even more information than they already had and perhaps even more reason to feel the way they already do about [Fukuzawa and Ranpo and their bond], but if you’re looking for the story to actually have an impact on anything, you would be better off waiting until it would have some kind of effect on the overall plot, provide some form of insight towards it, and aid in altering the way things are perceived; an opportunity which is clearly presented to us in the form of the manga’s Chapter 65 and Chapter 66 — which, in the anime, would manifest themselves as episodes within Season 4.

In these chapters, it is shown how Fukuzawa fought Mori for the freedom of the young Yosano Akiko and how he and Ranpo together gave her the chance to join the Armed Detective Agency as its second ever member.

If Untold Story were to be introduced at the beginning of Season 4 or even well into it, just before these episodes, it would have a very heavy impact on the overall story, and it would lend even more importance and depth towards all of the characters that are involved, while also displaying the extreme contrast between the methods, morals, and personalities of the two heads of the series’ leading organizations to an even greater degree than ever before.

I still stand by what I said there, now and forever; Untold Story is without question the light novel that has a place in these new episodes — that is not, and never was up, for debate.

The real question is, though, does Studio BONES feel the same way about it as I do?

I’d love to say “yes, absolutely!”, but the reality is that despite technically getting what I wished for and knew could have been best last Season, it was that same ‘granting’ of my wish in the way that they did — butchering and bloodying it beyond recognition and removing nearly all of the reasons why I thought it belonged in that season in the first place in favor of rampant fanservice — that opened my eyes to the very harsh reality that quite frankly, BONES cares more about raking in that sweet, sweet cash from SKK content than preserving narrative integrity, at the end of the day.

Trust me, being the dedicated and passionate Fifteen and Arthur Rimbaud/Randou fan that I am, I would love to be able to say that if they do choose Storm Bringer over Untold Story, it would at least all be for the right reasons of wanting to deliver on giving us the rest of the tale they presented to us last season, but that motive is an utter impossibility, even if they someday try to claim it, when the way they butchered Fifteen ensured that at least 70% of the plot and lore that actually mattered in Storm Bringer was destroyed beyond redeeming, unless they go back and redo it — which they won’t, because that would be admitting to their error.

As things stand right now, because of that fact, even as a fully-fledged, several hour animated movie, Storm Bringer would be an utter disaster of a film, much less as a 400+ page beast of a novel — more than three times the size of any light novel before it, including its predecessor— crammed into the space of 3-4 measly episodes in the television series.

Quite frankly, although I fear this may sadly be a very hot take, unless that miracle happens and they somehow, someday decide to abandon their pride and redo Fifteen correctly, I would really rather they never touched its sequel at all — even if that means I never get to see an animated Storm Bringer; I would rather never see it in that medium than to see it and have it butchered.

Unfortunately, though, I know all too well that that novel is much too tempting for them to resist forever; not because of the amazing, deep, beautiful, simultaneously tragic and hopeful story it can tell, or because of the well-written cast of characters, but because of the opportunity for fanservice it brings.

I am not delusional; I know that it will be animated at some point — whether that is now or later — and when it is, it will be a pitiful, cash-grabbing disaster that has no right to share its title with the novel from which it claims to have been born. The only question we have is “when is that going to happen — in Season 4, or later?”, and sadly, I don’t have an answer to that.

Personally, I see a high probability they will try to animate it soon, but whether or not that means including it in the upcoming season is anyone’s guess; all we can do right now is hope that if they do try to fit a light novel into it, it will be Untold Story, instead.

The Hunting Dogs Dilemma: A Concerned Exploration of Season Length & Exhausted Resources

Of course, that brings us to the next issue: should there even be a light novel adaption this season? I know this is a much-debated topic in the fandom, but personally, I have always been of the highly controversial opinion that yes, they do belong there — at least, until now, and that’s all thanks to a little something — and a good many someones — present on the newest poster.

While I may be just as excited for the new season as the next person — yes, despite my reservations and how my initial public reaction may have come off, I actually am looking forward to the new episodes in general — the very fact that we’re apparently getting so far into the arc as to see the Hunting Dogs and the Aerial Casino period, much less on the main illustration...concerns me.

I had honestly hoped and expected, for several reasons that I will elaborate on within this post in just a short while from now, that the Season would end on the Chapter in which the Hunting Dogs first arrive on the scene in their pods, after the Armed Detective Agency is ‘revealed’ to supposedly be the Decay of Angels via the use of the Book.

With the revelation now shown to me that it will apparently be going farther than that — and potentially still include a light novel adaption — we are once again forced to return to the age-old query we explored last season: just how many episodes does this season intend to have?

Up until now, every season in the Bungou Stray Dogs anime has had a total of 12 episodes on average, and it would be very logical to assume that Season 4 is going to be no different. Yet, if that’s true, how exactly do they intend to fit all of these chapters into one season? It’s utterly ludicrous to even dream of doing such a thing — and that’s without taking any potential chosen LNs into account; without that, it’s already impossible, but with it, it’s even more so!

Perhaps if they decided to do a 24 episode season and forego the LN adaptation — which I find highly unlikely, but let’s go ahead and give them the benefit of the doubt for a moment — it could somehow work, but even then, the question remains of just how far they intend to go with the arc. Ending it at the point just before the Hunting Dogs are all introduced would have made sense; it was logical, it left a cliffhanger for a potential fifth season that would leave viewers definitely wanting more, and it would leave a fair amount of content already in existence for that next season.

Try as I might, I just cannot begin to fathom what good can come of trying to cover much more than that in Season 4; where will they end it? Do they intend to finish the entire current arc in this season somehow, when at the time of writing this, the ending isn’t even out yet? How do they intend to cram all of that into just 24 episodes, let alone a potential 12? Hell, what do they even intend to do for a Season 5 if they push that far and leave themselves few to no current manga chapters left once they’re done with and release the season? To exhaust all of your current resources like that, when you could easily get away with shoving in a light novel adaption and ending Season 4 at the aforementioned logical spot, with plenty of content left to spare, just seems entirely reckless on their part.

I have all of these questions, and absolutely no answers to give; it isn’t sustainable, it isn’t wise, it isn’t even profitable, and it confuses me beyond belief.

Season 5: To Be or Not to Be — A Look into the Potential Future of an Animated Series that Has Spread Itself Too Thin

So, if all of this is true, and they intend to push through to the eventual defeat of Fukuchi and the Decay of Angels, what awaits us at the end of it all? Is there even hope for the animated series to easily continue and thrive beyond that point?

I want to be positive, to end this on some spectacular final section that gives all of my readers — my fellow BSD fans — hope, to have my words be like a warm, friendly pat on the back that says “don’t worry; everything is going to be just fine! ^-^”, but if I intend to continue to be honest, all I can really do is try to look at the statistics of the situation and offer up the most likely probability as a potential answer, and from where I’m standing right now, it...sadly isn’t looking very good.

True, it did take them a little more than two years to announce the anime this time — definitely a bit longer than the length of time between Season 2′s and Season 3′s announcement, comparatively — but even so, if they want to continue this pattern of averaging a new season every 2-3 years (supposing Season 4 doesn’t jump the shark with this new, bold tactic and actually does well enough to warrant another season at all), will they even have enough new content to make by the time a Season 5 would roll around? Honestly? I don’t know the answer to that; every arc has been a different length — some longer than others, and this current Decay of Angels one definitely being the longest of them all yet, spanning over a whopping 50 chapters long and counting. We don’t know how long the next arc will be; it could be 16 like the smallest arc to date, it could be around 20 like the average arc seemed to be up until this point, or it could even be as many as this arc or more.

Even if we are optimistic and say that the next arc could be as low as 16-20 chapters long, when we factor in that the current arc hasn’t even ended as of writing this, and seems to at least have another 10 chapters to go before the end — if not way more — that’s still a good 26-30 chapters of content that needs to be produced before Season 4 can be finished, and Season 5 can be remotely feasible.

To quote my previous article:

A new chapter of the BSD manga comes out once a month in the Young Ace magazine; this means that in one year, barring any potential breaks, a total of 12 chapters are released.

If we presume that Season 4 comes out sometime next year, that could be enough for this arc to have ended in the manga just before its premier, but definitely not enough time for much of anything else to have been produced. Assuming Season 4 could span anywhere from 3-6 months depending on how many episodes it contains, by the time it ends, around 3-6 new chapters of the new arc could potentially exist, should Asagiri-sensei and Harukawa35-sensei take no breaks; that would mean they would still have to wait at least another year to a year and a half to have enough content to even begin talks about a potential Season 5, then probably spend another year or so working out the specifics before making the announcement, and then it could take potentially another half-year to a year before it’s out. That’s three to three and a half years for the next season; it’s not undoable by any means, but definitely not the most ideal situation ever.

If the next arc is longer, however, and reaches, say, 30 chapters, you’re looking at a good four and a half years before we get a Season 5, after Season 4 ends, and even longer than that if it becomes as impressively long as the current arc and they intend to do the entire thing in one go again.

Could the animated series stay relevant enough to survive another four and a half or more years without another season after this? Potentially, it could, supposing they make Season 4 really good somehow, despite these concerns, and keep the series in anime-only people’s hearts and minds by possibly renewing BSD Wan! for another season, and/or releasing new movies in the meantime (whether original content or LN-based), but once again, it’s certainly not ideal and could prove to be a major struggle for them in the future.

All I can really say is for now is to hope for the best, even if, like me, you manage your expectations so much that you are actually expecting the worst-case scenario. As I’ve said before, I actually do love the anime very much, save for the handling of the Fifteen adaption, and I do hope that it can live on and continue to be as great as it has, in my opinion, almost always been besides that.

I am, above all, thankful for this new season, and hope it is everything we dream of, even though I may not have the most positive outlook at the moment for all of the aforementioned reasons. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading my initial thoughts on Season 4; I feel like they’re certainly not as well-articulated as usual, but it is the best I can do on short notice, and without allowing myself to obsess over re-writing it a million times before finally getting around to posting it weeks or months later.

Thank you for your time, and I hope you have a wonderful day. 💖

Oh and BONES? Hands off Storm Bringer. 👀 🔪

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thatdoctorharvey · 4 years ago

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Hi howdy ho neighborino! I’ve been reading some of your fics and I love them! I was wondering if you could write something where the farmer has married Harvey but Harvey gets jealous of the other bachelors that farmer has high friendship with angst. I saw the flowers fic and I thought it was super cool but it would be cute for things to work out in the end

Okay so for this one, I saw the perfect opportunity to do a little snippet of how my Harvey x Reader book is going to be. It’s not gonna be anything directly from the book but it will give you a pretty good idea as to how everything will be written.

Also, for the sake of Sam can’t pick out a name for his band, I’m going to use the name of my Uncle’s former band (I got his permission, don’t worry). This will be important.

I did kind of incorporate flowers into this as well. Gotta have the flowers prompt with a good ending too, right?

I also apologize. The pacing for this is a bit rushed and there isn’t much Harvey at the beginning but you’ll see why.

This was the last thing you expected. It had been years since you had been to the city. Yet here you were.

“You ready for this (y/n)?” Sam asked you, seeming to be pretty pumped up.

“Always!” You replied, brushing your hair out of your face.

You looked beside you at the equipment. It was just the mics and guitars, the rest being among the other band members. For once, you were nervous. The last time you performed in the city, you had made a fool of yourself. You silently hoped no one remembered as it was the reason you ended your musical career.

Abigail suddenly tapped your shoulder from the seat beside you, leaning into the isle and waiting for you. You quickly snapped out of your little trance and leaned to her, feeling like a teenager back in high school again.

“What’s up?” You asked.

“Are you and Harvey okay? I didn’t see him talk to you when we were loading up and he’s all the way in the back.” She asked you.

You took a quick glance back to the crowd of townsfolk on the bus. Sure enough, there he was, the very back of the bus, by himself. He looked to be bored as he stared out the window.

“I mean, he’s been very meh lately with talking to me, but I’ve also been practicing with you guys a lot for the past couple months to prepare for this.” You looked back at her. “He wasn’t happy when I said I offered to sit with the equipment to make sure it didn’t break on the way there.”

Abigail looked to Harvey and then quickly back to you. “Shit. He saw me looking.”

“So, (y/n), I was thinking, maybe we could perform one of your old songs?” Sam suddenly interrupted.

You and Abigail both looked to him. It didn’t take long to realize that, not just Sam, but Abigail and Sebastian were looking at you now. They had been talking about this for a while and had been practicing when you weren’t around.

“Wh..which one?” You asked, a little nervous.

“We won’t tell you until the end. That’s when we want to perform it!” Sam smiled brightly.

Abigail grabbed your hand. “Pleeeeease! It’s a good one!”

You sat back in your seat and let out a breath. Harvey had only heard you sing a select few times, but to hear one of your old songs with how he’s been acting. It just wasn’t a good idea...But it was just a song, right?

“What the hell, let’s do it.” You suddenly said, looking at your guitar case beside you. “But just one!”

All three of them fist pumped and looked to Pam, who was giving them a dirty look. Luckily, they had arrived at the spot they would be performing so they had a valid excuse to leave.

“Alright you four! Get your stuff and get off the bus!” Pam grumpily said in a semi-joking manner.

“Don’t gotta tell me twice.” You mumbled to yourself and grabbed as much equipment as possible. Kent and Demetrius helped get everything off the bus and onto the stage. Everyone riding was going to have some fun in the city until the concert, aside from a select few who would stay and help set up. Harvey was not one of them.

“Alright, (y/n), once we get set up, do you mind doing your thing while we check equipment?” Sam asked.

“Sure! I know none of you will sing into the mics to test them so I might as well.” You jokingly replied, taking off your hoodie to show the upper half of your band outfit. It was a bit revealing but nothing super intense. It also hugged your body fairly well. “Let’s get this going so we can get this show on the road!”

All three of your bandmates cheered. This was big for all of you. Sure, you’d had a few decent sized crowds in bars before, but this was a whole new thing. You were about to perform on a stage! A real stage! There weren’t just going to be drunk men and weird girls! There were going to be hundreds of people! Even your husband was going to be there!

...Harvey…

“Hey! Come on, you gotta help me with the mics.” Sam suddenly said, snapping you out of your thoughts. The sky had darkened a bit but not too much. Just enough to notice that time had passed.

“O-oh! Sorry! I got distracted.” You said and walked to your mic. “Just let me know when you have them all on.”

Sam nodded and went to the little booth, turning all the mics on and muting all but yours. “Good to go! Abigail, Sebastian, you know the routine.”

The three of you nodded and began the process. You had done this many times back at home. You had performed some of your more family friendly music during the events through the year, and of course, this meant you had set up the mics before.

So there you were. The middle of Zuzu City. The crowd began to form as your singing began to test the mics. Even though it sounded weird since you had to move from mic to mic, it still sounded good. You didn’t know that your husband was listening though. And the song you were singing was hitting him like a ton of bricks. Memories...Was he nothing but a memory now?

Soon enough, the time came. The crowd stood in front of the stage, the townsfolk among them. You couldn’t seem to spot your husband though, but you knew he was out there. Perhaps the lights were making you unable to see him. They were already affecting your vision.

“Hello everyone!” Sam spoke. “We are from Pelican Town!” He seemed to be oddly confident, something that everyone in town knew wasn’t right, especially for a first big performance like this. “And we are the Block Party Massacre!”

And just like that, everything began. Everyone began to play their instruments and you sang. The crowd cheered and clapped after each song. Once you reached the final song, you nearly cried. Some of the people in the crowd began to sing along. It brought back memories and it truly touched your heart to know that your fans still remembered your songs.

But, like everything else, the concert came to an end. You helped get everything cleaned and loaded up before looking around. At last second, you saw Harvey getting on the bus. Immediately you went to Abigail.

“Hey, you mind sitting with the equipment? I...I think I should sit with Harvey.” You asked her.

“Sure! Just, go easy on him. He looked pretty hurt, especially during the last song.” She replied.

You simply gave a nod and hurried over to the bus. You took a breath before getting on and looking at the seats. Harvey was still in the same place, the very back. You made your way back there, slowly sitting beside him. He jumped a bit, seeming to have been in his own world.

“O-oh. Hi.” He said when he realized who had sat beside him.

You offered a smile. “Hi my love. Did you have fun?”

Harvey just gave you a look. Not one of love nor hate. More like hurt. Out of instinct, you gently grabbed his hand, turning your body to face him.

“Harvey. Look at me.” You said softly. “What’s wrong? You’ve been like this since I started practicing with them.”

The doctor looked at you for a minute and then to your hands. He wanted to say so much but his anxiety ridden mind wouldn’t let him.

“Do you love me?” He suddenly asked after a few short moments.

You offered a soft smile and rested your head on his shoulder. Was that why he was making a big fuss?

“Of course I do! I wouldn’t have married you if I didn’t. What made you think I didn’t?”

“You...You just never talked to me and you always got home late and you were so close with Sam a-and Sebastian and Abigail an-”

“Harvey.” You placed a finger on his lips as you looked back up at him. “You are the only one I love. I tried making you breakfast and dinner but you always let it sit out. I tried to talk to you but you always ignored me. I thought you were pushing me away, so I started opening up my schedule to practices. That’s what I’ve been doing the past few months.”

The doctor didn’t know what to say.

“Answer me this; would I ever want to leave you, my comfy pillow and cuddle bug, for Sam?” You poked his belly for emphasis on the pillow part. “You are everything I wanted and more. Hell, I didn’t even know what I really wanted until I met you.”

“But...The song…”

“I wrote that a long time ago. Didn’t you hear? People were singing along. How would they know a song the band wrote if they had never heard it before?” You chuckled a little bit and hugged him.

“I…” Harvey slowly wrapped his arms around you. “I guess that is true.” His grip tightened slightly, but not enough to hurt you. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey. It’s fine. We can cuddle when we get home. That always cheers you up.” You said happily. “Just, please communicate with me next time. I don’t want you to be hurt like this. It hurts my heart.”

He kissed the top of your head, looking up when he heard the bus start up. “Yeah...I’m sorry. I’ll do better next time.”

And with that, you two headed home.

BONUS

The fire crackled as you rested on the couch. It was a rather peaceful night, the sky clear and the animals not too loud. Crickets could be heard if you listened closely, but you didn’t want to listen to them. You would rather listen to something else.

“(Y/n), are you certain you’re comfortable?” Harvey asked, a hand rested on your back. The other held a glass of wine that he’d been sipping on. “You don’t look to be.”

“Oh trust me Harvey, I am.” You assured your husband, nuzzling a bit against his belly as your arms slightly tightened their grip around his waist to indicate a hug. “I am always comfortable when I lay on my pillow.”

He blushed and took another sip of his wine before setting the glass on the side table. He was half laying on the couch, you on top of him. On the coffee table in front of you was a vase that contained a small bouquet of flowers. He had made it for you once you two had gotten home as an apology for his behavior. In return, you gave him some of your finest wine that you had planned on selling to make up for everything.

“I love you Harvey. Don’t ever forget it.” You half whispered, looking up at him.

The doctor couldn’t help but smile back, his face still red. “I love you too (y/n).”

“I will never forget it.”

#stardew valley #harvey story #stardew valley harvey #harvey #doctor Harvey #harvey x reader #sdv #sdv harvey

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bondsmagii · 3 years ago

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Hey read (some of) this blog post (long as hell), tries to pick it up where your old scp cult post left off: lackoflepers medium com/scp-is-not-a-cult-196e87ce6b11

(link)

this is insane. I've never written anything that's ever received a full response before, so that's exciting. what's even more exciting is that this piece does raise some really interesting questions, and is very well-written and thoughtful.

the strange thing is, I think we're both in agreement -- but I'm calling it a cult, and the author of this piece is calling it a "fledgling religion". I agree with this outlook, if I'm honest -- but at the same time I can't help but think that this has filled a hole in my cult theory, rather than poked a hole in it.

when I wrote the original cult post, the one thing I couldn't quite equate was the religion aspect. there was a lot of things to consider from that aspect, in terms of cults requiring a certain doctrine, rituals, etc, and while I was able to draw comparisons to the site culture and these things, it didn't quite fit. this article explains and illustrates exactly what all of these things are, and the sheer amount of similarities between the SCP wiki culture and religious fundamentalists. it's absolutely incredible, how it all still adds up.

however, some things are way off. I understand the author has a history with site and with staff, and they obviously understand that there's a complicated relationship between the two. the piece certainly tackles the question from an educated site-critical standpoint, but I can't help but notice some glaring omissions and in some places, assumptions which I feel are quite simply incorrect. under the cut we go, because this is long.

the author seems to be very ignorant of the site's cyclical patterns. one of their main arguments for the wiki's not being a cult is how people like Dr Gears and thedeadlymoose don't have more power over the masses, being such important figures. the problem with the wiki is that it is very cyclical, and big names of one era do not translate over to new eras. big names replace old ones, and the old ones either become fond grandparent figures (like Gears, who had the sense to take a step back before the tides changed against him) or they become irrelevant or reviled (like thedeadlymoose, or pixelatedharmony (Roget).) this means that if the former appeals to the group, they will get essentially a pat on the head and a gentle dismissal, or if the latter speak out they will be silenced, harassed, banned, etc. this is very cultlike behaviour -- if somebody goes against the grain, they become an immediate enemy of the people. the only way to survive fame on the wiki is to retire quietly, at your peak, and keep yourself to yourself.

going on from this, there are also different levels to how a staff member is seen. there have been eras of the site where the site admin might not be as impressive as one of the prolific writers, for example. who these days knows about The Administrator? it's all Dr Gears to them. different authors have different levels of unofficial authority, and the author of the piece doesn't seem to realise that it's a cult of personality as much as anything else. there are constant divisions among staff, even if they present a united front; frequently those not toeing the party line have been ostracised or purged, and this filters down to the average user. just because a person is on staff does not mean they immediately skyrocket to godhood, if we're using the religious metaphor. this is why it seems as though "staff" as a whole isn't uniformly worshipped -- they're not. there are complex currents of power at work here, and it's frustrating because at first glance it seems to invalidate the very real fact that a few site members have all the authority. the staff worship extends to staff members. those in lower tiers will act similarly to those in higher tiers as a new member would act towards all staff.

the author draws attention to thedeadlymoose's impressive efforts to bring the site forward from its 4chan beginnings and make it more inclusive to LGBT members -- something that has undoubtedly had an effect. however, the author does not mention that to date, the site's only successful splinter site (as in, a site that lasted more than a few weeks) is RPC, and while this website came about for multiple reasons, it's undeniable that one of these reasons was because of the fact that the wiki was openly supportive of LGBT people during Pride Month. it's also interesting to note that the author is also a member of the RPC site, so it's odd that this piece of the site's origins is not mentioned.

the acceptance of these pro-LGBT policies also seems to be less wide-spread than the author believes -- most people don't care, there does exist users who are homophobic or transphobic, and -- something I'm surprised wasn't mentioned at all in the piece -- when LGBT members of the site spoke up and said the new logo made them feel pandered to, and the resulting blowout made them feel targeted and unsafe, they were mass banned from the subreddit by a rogue moderator who, incensed by the fact his authority was so challenged, then ragequit and abused people on the threads for several hours. this is a typical staff response to discontent in the masses. so yes, thedeadlymoose did have some significant sway in the attitude changing somewhat, but it was not as widespread (nor as cared about) as the article's author seems to think.

now, I shall move on to specific quotations.

Furthermore, as a gaggle of creators, SCP should never feature the mass conformity of thought that defines a cult; theirs is an ecosystem that predicates itself upon creation, and obsessively on the new and original — that is to say, the different (but tempered).

while the author does elaborate on this idea of creativity and conformity, this is just wrong. again, I blame the author's ignorance in regards to the cyclical nature of the site -- which isn't the fault of the author, in my opinion. such cycles are slow, measuring out in years rather than months, which is insanely long for an internet community. in order to notice them, you would have to have been observing for some time -- which I have been. since I have been observing the site (which has been since its very creation -- I was on the 4chan thread in 2007 when 173 was created and I have seen the wiki from its infancy on EditThis over to wikidot) I have seen this happen countless times. a type of writing, be it style or genre, takes off. it could be LOLFoundation, grimdark, whatever -- it takes off, it runs the site for a year or so, and then it crashes and burns. when it takes off, there are rules for writing it that must be obeyed lest you be downvoted to oblivion. as the attitude turns against it, those who still write it are vilified and ostracised, and the new one takes over. there have been mass purges in the past, and there has always been, since the wiki's inception, conformity of thought. one of my oldest complaints about the wiki is that, for a site full of writers, they have no imagination and absolutely no desire to step out of the approved style.

To put it very broadly, things get accustomed to the status quo in a highly regulated environment, and get better at simply remaining and surviving in that.

this could be a decent rebuff to my previous point, but the fact is that while the SCP wiki harbours cultish behaviour, a vast majority of the users are casual readers who maybe write one or two articles. the stagnation is, at least partially, because of the fact that most users sign up, read some articles, think "cool, I have an idea for one!", write it -- and have it emulate the articles they've read, thus sounding similar in tone and content to the rest of the recent articles -- get a semi-decent response if lucky, and then move on after a few months or years.

the people who power the wiki, however -- who are prolific, who churn out insane amount of articles -- are suffering from what I outlined in my above point. a small percentage of the wiki dictates the direction it goes. it has always been like this -- and people who go against the grain that staff have employed, be it old user or new, will pay for it. this payment is often in downvotes, but occasionally comes in harassment, bans, or deletions, too.

Lastly a cult is really the most extreme version of a religion, it is a religion on steroids.

this is straight-up incorrect. cults began as religions gone hayware, yes, but the idea of a cult as a Jonestown-style compound in the middle of nowhere is outdated. cults are the most extreme version of an ideology -- be it religious, political, or otherwise. they are ideologies on steroids. thanks to the internet, they also no longer have to be in real life spaces. you can be in a social cult on Twitter or on Discord; you can be in a cult of ideology on an incel forum or in a social circle of TERF blogs. all of these things are cults. they have cult-like behaviour and thinking.

this is where the author proves my point beyond all doubt. the author says the following about the wiki's increasingly left-wing inclusive policies:

What was intended to be an executive extension in peace has, due to the force required to counteract the sheer hostility and persecution once leveled at this group at its peak, instead overshot its mark and has become a brutal bureaucratic sanctioning of political identity. (I can hear someone saying that the road to hell is paved with good intentions.)

the biggest shift in this cult-think, for me, was observed when the shift towards Terminally Online Woke Left attitudes began to be increasingly observed. I'm not talking about getting people to tone down the homophobia and whatnot. I'm talking about this culture of purity and suffering that the author outlines very well in the article; if you have read the article, I needn't go over it again. the wiki now holds a monopoly on suffering using the same kind of Oppression Olympics as other spaces devoted to purity culture -- and purity culture is a cult. this is straight-up fact at this point. it is my belief that staff identified the power available to them in a) targeting people from oppressed and vulnerable groups and giving them a so-called safe space and b) using their various oppressions to their advantage.

something that is prolific in purity culture circles is that somebody who is oppressed in any way cannot be held to blame for their actions. they cannot be a bad person. this is ideological armour, and staff wields it. they also use purity culture and apparently progressive ideology to shut down anyone who dissents, and to smear their name and have then ostracised as an enemy. why do they do this? liking the power and fame of their position is a big part of it, as the author outlined, but something major is missing.

throughout the entire article, the author does not once mention the detailed and extensive history of staff sexually abusing minors on the site.

this is well-documented by this point. staff has seen many predators in its ranks, including one of the most prolific site members of all time -- AdminBright, or The Duckman. staff has known about these staff members and has covered it up over years. I myself have heard testimony from countless victims, but whenever we raise enough of a stink, a staff member does an "internal investigation" and nothing comes of it. the fact that the cult-like behaviour of this website can be discussed without one of the cornerstones of cult activity -- using its members for financial or sexual gain -- is astounding to me.

to go on from this, there is also no mention of the SCP lawyer fund, which raised over $30,000 and then faced staff actively resisting transparency as to the case and the funds. financial manipulation is another major example of cult behaviour.

without acknowledging these two things, I do not think that a full argument against the idea of the SCP wiki as a cult can be possible.

the author raises a good point that illustrates both why staff acts the way it does, and why the users are so eager to imitate:

The answer is something that can turn someone into their nemesis; something that would make someone sell their soul for 1000 upvotes; that tragic commonality that binds all individuals who feel the need to write; the need to be received, but more, to be loved for it.

this is a big reason why staff clings to its power, and why people sell out their creativity, and why people emulate this behaviour, and why prolific authors burn out so fast. however, running through all of this at its core -- through the need to be received and loved -- is the power that comes with it. this is all about power.

to mention the specific example of LordStonefish, and his reaction when he found out that his interviewer was enemy of the people pixelatedharmony, now of "burning out, ragequitting the site, and going to talk shit on KiwiFarms" infamy:

[...] it was as if LSF was speaking to a leper, and that the ongoing participation in the salvation of public approval (not to mention site participation as well) was directly dependent upon LSF’s rebuke of pH as a demon who is only worthy of a terrible fate and, as we see in the screencaps, even death.

leaving my personal opinions on Harmony out of this, going from a perfectly civil interview to finding out that the interviewer was an enemy and not only dumping all of his private information to offset doxing, but also going into detail about some highly personal stuff for shock value... I don't think Harmony quite required that treatment. the fact is that, as the quote outlines above, the only way to ensure that he wouldn't be completely ostracised for fraternising with the enemy (KiwiFarms -- of which Harmony is apparently the ambassador) was to behave like a man shunning a sinner. Harmony has sinned -- she rejected the status quo, she defied the group and its authority, and LordStonefish, in order to remain safe from being tarred with the same brush -- has to react with suitable horror to her presence.

it should be noted here that while KiwiFarms has a reputation for being a hive of scum and villainy, its main reputation regarding the SCP Wiki has been for being the one place where complaints against the site are openly discussed, often by defected staff members such as pixelatedharmony and Cyantreuse, and perhaps most telling of all -- the place where a lot of accounts of sexual harassment and abuse have been filed. staff rails against it on the grounds of it being filled with people who use slurs and have questionable ideological beginnings (ironic, coming from a website which began on 4chan) -- but as a leftist myself with extensive knowledge of the wiki, I can confirm that no criticisms I've seen on there have been unfair or inaccurate, and in fact a lot of the evidence and testimony posted there is damning. it would be fair to not wish to associate with the site because of its content in other places, or even its past reputation, but the fact staff rail against it so hard when it's currently one of the only places (and certainly the only public place) where their deeds are on display? it's interesting.

of LordStonefish's reaction, the author says:

This is the behavior of a deeply religious figure.

it is. this is the reaction of a Mormon meeting an old friend who has left the church. this is the reaction of a Jehovah's Witness crossing the street to avoid a shunned neighbour. it is the behaviour, you could say, of a cult member.

in the conclusion, the author states:

And if anyone is to shoulder blame for the creation of this pathology and its complex, it are those true bigots of history and today, who don’t have the spiritual maturity to understand that someone’s sexual preference or identity shouldn’t be enough to categorically separate them from a definition of humanity; to beat, maim, and wish death upon them.

perhaps this might have been true, perhaps this might have drawn a thoughtful and damning line under the whole affair, if not for the fact that this behaviour has been occurring since long before the internet became known for its progressive and now increasingly often, ridiculous takes on inclusion and sensitivity. this kind of cultish groupthink has been ongoing since the wiki's very first inception. the cyclical worship of a group of staff members and other prolific writers (though the group are often one and the same) and their chosen theme or genre has occurred like clockwork since the late 00s. it has occurred when the website was still entrenched in its 4chan days and saying slurs was barely blinked at. it was still there back when staff was predominantly (or at least presumably) cis, white, and male. it was there when being gay was the butt of a joke and being trans was all but unthought of. it has always been there, and while the latest progressive policies and attitudes have had an effect on how the power is wielded, it has not changed the power itself. if the tides ever turn on the Terminally Online Woke ideology, staff will change with it and adapt their policies and ideologies to keep their power.

if anyone is to shoulder the blame for the creation of this pathology, it is the elitist attitude that has allowed a select few to be worshipped unquestionably. it is the power-hungry individuals who seek out fame and respect on a writing website and then use this fame and respect to treat others badly and their fear of a fall from grace to shelter others treating people worse. it is on the shoulders of the staff members who use their position to groom and sexually assault minors. it is on the shoulders of the staff members who keep it silent. as the severity of staff's secrets has increased, so has their attempts to silence dissent and reform at all costs.

the author agrees that this kind of religious think might lead to a cult in the future. the author says the cult will be a cult of vulnerability, but I disagree. I believe the cult is already there, and it is -- and always has been -- a cult of power.

#scp shenanigans #anon #asks

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