#it's been literally so long since I've had a good day of sleep 😭😭

[iceunhie]

will i get this degree or will this degree get me

[jsprnt]

Americano PT. 10 | Jude Bellingham x Reader

What happens if two individuals who absolutely despise each other are forced to interact after unforeseen events occur?

A/N: wrote this in between study breaks, I’m totally spent 😭😭

W/C: 3.523

part nine

"So, uh- do you have any allergies?"

I mutter awkwardly, standing in the middle of the kitchen, eyes on Jude as he sits across from me at the kitchen island.

He folds his arms across his chest, raising his head to look over at me.

"Are you planning something?" He eyes me suspiciously, causing a tired sigh to leave my mouth.

"Shut up- answer the question.." I raise my wooden spoon, threatening him.

"No, I don't have any allergies. Is that good enough?" He replies, Brum accent making him sound even more defensive.

"Ungrateful ass.." I mutter, turning around and starting to work on breakfast.

I had slept horribly after last night’s events. I'd reckon- maybe, six hours in total. It was our day off- thankfully, but that didn't mean that I trusted Jude to rummage through my house on his own while I rotted away in bed.

My dad had called earlier, wanting to explain the situation to me clearly without leaving any important details out.

Apparently, last night Jude's place was broken into again. This time, he was at home to actually witness it happen. I'm not sure what transpired between the intruder and Jude. Since, my dad had told me it would be too invasive for me to know.

From what I knew, it was the same person as last time- or how many damn times this had happened. This case had been keeping my dad busy for months now, and it only found a way to piss me off even more.

Either Jude had the shittiest security, or- did he even have security?

"Can't believe I'm cooking for you.." I mutter, hearing the drag of his house slippers against the floor as he walks up to me.

"What are you making?"

I move away, so he doesn't touch me, giving him a side eye as I crack four eggs in a pan.

"Eggs.." I say, moving back when oil splashes up.

"Can you cook?" He asks, eyes moving in between the stove and my face.

"Kind of.." I say, hesitating with my reply.

I knew how to cook the basics. Say, your pastas and soups. Though, I like to think I'm improving every time auntie Carmen comes over to show me how to cook another delicious meal.

"How do you like your eggs?" I ask, raising my head to look up at him. He has a confused expression on his face and his gaze is fixed on me.

Fuck, did that sound wrong?

"More runny or cooked?" I ask, grimacing to myself as I sprinkle salt and pepper into the pan.

"You've cooked it- enough.."

"Oh, okay.." I mentally curse at how stupid I sound, looking away from him.

I quickly plate it up for him, not forgetting the avocado and barely toasted pieces of bread.

Well, too bad for him.

We eat our breakfast without speaking to each other. I can only hear the crunch of my bread and clatter of the cutlery against the plates.

I look up at him when I've cleared my plate, wiping crumbs from the corners of my mouth.

"How long are you staying?"

"Are you trying to kick me out already?"

I give him a look, raising my brows as if to tell him he already knows my answer.

"I don't know- depends on the situation.." He says, rubbing his hands against his gray sweatpants.

I sigh, rubbing my temples in irritation.

"Where's your mom anyway?" I ask, remembering that they literally lived together.

"I made her go back to England for my brother’s games. She's always spending more time with me- felt bad for the lad.." He answers, looking away.

"Last night?" I ask, raising my voice in surprise.

"No, during international break. I wasn't playing remember.."

"Oh- that's good, I guess.." I trail off, realizing we're going to be home alone for a while.

Silence falls in between us, and I begin picking at the loose threads of my old pajama top. It was old, but so comfy to sleep in.

"Okay, uh- let's clean up, and I'll give you a quick tour of the place." I jump up from my seat, grabbing my plate off the table, and walk over to the sink.

I look back when he doesn't get up. I raise a brow, sending him a questioning look.

"What are you doing? Clean up.." I say, waving him over. I watch him grab his plate and cutlery- a comical sight that had me struggling to keep my composure.

He places the plate in front of me, looking at me like he's expecting me to do something.

I step back, folding my arms.

Woah, he looked clueless.

"Do you even know how to do- like the dishes or laundry?" I ask, eyeing him up and down.

"Not really.."

"You're what? Twenty and don't know how to do your own laundry?" I pull a horrified face.

"Do you think it's okay to freeload?" I question, immediately grabbing his wrist to drag him upstairs to the laundry room.

Did he think this was a five-star hotel or something?

"I can't believe I have to drive you there. Why don't you have a license?" I whine, walking into the bathroom and seeing him fix his hair. The array of skincare, haircare and bodycare all on the counter in front of him.

Why did I think that he only used a block of soap and aftershave?

He turns away from the mirror, taking a step closer to me as I passive aggressively grab my toothbrush.

"Why wouldn't you want to drive me?" He questions, his voice full of mockery.

I wet my toothbrush and the blob of toothpaste, starting to brush my teeth as I look up at him.

"Do you know how crazy it looks for a staff member to arrive with a player in her car?"

I mumble, probably half audible, as I spit foam into the sink.

He grimaces at me, and I watch him take a step away from me via the mirror.

"Oh, you're dramatic.." I mumble, running the brush over my teeth again.

"Everyone thinks we're together anyway- does it even matter at this point?"

I freeze, turning to him with white foam dripping down the corner of my mouth.

"That's even worse.." I shake my head, giving him a once-over before starting to rinse my mouth.

"Pre-match meal is at...?" I question, waiting for him to finish the sentence while I dry my hands and mouth.

"Half past two." He replies, making me nod.

"Okay- give me an hour.." I say, quickly running to my room to change and get ready.

It was match day against Granada. Thankfully, after this we got some more days off.

We had to get to the training center early, mainly due the fact that I had become Jude’s private driver.

When my father told me I had to drive him around, I almost fell to my knees in sheer despair, not believing the torture I had to go through.

I didn’t even get anything in return, well, maybe I’d bug my dad for another pretty handbag- or two.

Pre-match meals are usually about three to four hours before the match. Normally, I could arrive very late and still manage to snatch a nice plate, but because of Jude - that wasn't possible today, and probably until he’s moved out of my place.

y/n's only half-way through her 'getting ready' playlist when she hears multiple loud knocks on her bedroom door.

"What?! Stop banging on my door! You don't even pay rent!" She shouts over the music, watching the door handle twist.

She turns away from her vanity mirror, makeup brush in her hand, as she sees Jude walk into her room.

"Who invited you in?" She questions, gasping when he goes to sit on her nicely made bed, wrinkling the fabric.

"Me, you’re taking so-” He begins, but he's immediately cut off when she shouts.

"Wait- shut up.."

She says, turning away to sing along with the song currently playing from her phone.

"We do the things but we know it's wrong

All on my skin, you all in my palm

I sent you a envelope, came with a poem

You possess venom that came with a charm

You get the good out me when I perform

I know the bad in you, that's what I want

And you a baddie, you turnin' me on."

Seems like she forgets he's even in her room, singing along to the Future verse while she dots a good amount of blush on the apples of her cheek.

He sighs loudly, continuing to stare at her from behind. She doesn’t notice at all, now way too invested into getting ready while listening to her favorite songs.

Jude runs a frustrated hand over his face, taking in the way she sings along with the all-too-familiar-sounding song lyrics, hoping she can hurry up soon.

"Do I have to take you home too?" I ask, getting up from the comfy chair I'm in. Following Jude towards the dressing room. Relieved after a 2-0 win against Granada.

The sound of his cleats hitting the floor is loud, and I stop right at the entrance of the dressing room when he stops in his tracks.

"I can call a taxi, probably.."

I search his face for any annoyance or anger, but don't see anything like it. Instead, in a strangely familiar way- his eyes are wide and expressive. He looks more unsure and uncomfortable than I've ever seen him.

"It's fine- we're going to the same house anyway.." I whisper, dismissing his words with a wave. 

"I have to go back to the training center though.. Can you stand tagging along with me?" I question, raising my brows in anticipation.

"Yeah, I'll just get freshened up really quick.." He says, stepping inside and closing the door since he was the last player to enter.

After saying bye to everyone, I sneakily walk up to my car. Almost jumping out of my skin when I see Jude already standing at the passenger door.

"What are you- get in.." I sigh, unlocking the door and stepping in.

The ride over to the training center is awkward and quiet, to say the least. I'm not in the mood to look through my playlist- and I'm sure he isn't either, by the way he's busy scrolling on his phone.

I park my car in my designated spot in the staff parking lot, looking over at him.

"Do you want to stay in the car?" I ask, unbuckling my seatbelt, and glancing at him.

"No, I'll come with you.." He replies, stepping out of the passenger’s seat and following me inside.

"I need to leave this bag here.." I inform, locking the car as the both of us walk inside the center.

He doesn't reply, not that it's necessary.

I walk up to the office, still hearing Jude walk right behind me.

"You're following me like a lost puppy.." I mutter, unlocking the door of the room I'm supposed to leave the equipment in.

"Okay, damn, I'll be downstairs.." He sneers, turning away and leaving immediately.

I shrug to myself when he leaves, finishing my business before going down as well.

I shove my keys into my bag, swinging it on my shoulder, then go looking around for Jude.

I enter the meeting room he and other players would hang out in, but don't see him. Stepping out, I look up from the door, walking in and out of the other meeting rooms.

"Where the fuck are you?" I mutter, reaching for my phone to call him, only to remember that I don't even have his phone number.

"Looking for something?"

I almost scream out loud when I hear a deep voice behind me. I turn, trying to not look like the person scared the crap out of me.

Oh, the creepy coworker. How fun.

"No, just dropped off some equipment upstairs.." I quickly say, rubbing my hand against my jeans.

I watch his eyes flicker to the keycard around my neck, which I forgot to take off.

"Coming from Bernabéu, y/n?"

Why did he know my name?

"Yeah, busy day.."

He stares at me, not saying anything else. I mentally hype myself up to say something, maybe to learn more about him.

"What's your name? We've seen each other around, but I don't know your name.” I say, shifting nervously as his blue eyes peer into mine.

"Andrés, fitness department. I'm new.." He says, sticking out a ghostly hand for me to shake.

"Right, nice to meet you. I would introduce myself too, but you seem to know already. How come?" His grip is tight, so I tighten it even more.

Give me a rough handshake, and I’ll break your hand out of pettiness.

"Everyone here knows you.." He replies, there is a harsh, but breathiness to his voice and it causes chills to run down my spine.

I clear my throat, realizing he still hasn't let go of my hand.

"Because of my father, yeah.." I fake a chuckle, trying to pull my hand back.

"No, not because of mister l/n.." My breath hitches audibly at his tone, and I try to snatch my hand back even more forcefully.

He doesn't even flinch, continuing to stare down at me.

"y/n, here you are.." I hear a familiar voice say, breaking out of this weird fucking trance.

My head snaps up, my eyes going wide, when I see Jude stepping out of the meeting room I had not checked out yet.

I use the opportunity to snatch my hand away from Andrés, rubbing my hand to fix my blood flow.

I watch Jude give him a look, death stare imminent when he walks up to us.

"Andrés? What are you doing here, it's late." He says, for some reason, slower than I have ever heard him speak.

"Work, busy.." He answers, trying to speak English with a broken Spanish accent.

Oh, he didn't speak English?

I watch a strange interaction between them, a jumble of Spanish and English. I try my best to understand, but it seems like both men throw in some gibberish too.

Finally, when they're done with their simlish, I'm grabbed by my hand, dragged away by Jude.

"What the hell is his problem?" I exclaim, still feeling my hand ache from the pressure.

"He's been fuckin' weird, don’t like him..” He mutters, walking ahead of me while still dragging me along.

I struggle to catch up with his long strides, his warm palm pressing into mine as he looks back at me.

"You okay?" He questions, stopping abruptly, causing me to smash my face against his arm.

"Ow- not anymore.." I mutter, rubbing my nose in agony with my free hand.

"Oh- shit, sorry.." He spits, his hand still on mine. I remove my hand from my face, raising my chin to look up at him.

"Am I bleeding?" A dramatic question, but you never knew with his rock-hard, muscular- arms..

I blink up at him, feeling his hand come up to my chin. He pinches my face, making me move my head.

"No, no blood- I think.." He breathes out, eyes roaming around my face to check for any blood.

I make sudden, close eye contact with him. His brown eyes catching mine, breath fanning my face.

We stare at each other for a moment. His hand still clearly on mine while he cups my face to look at me.

I realize the position we're in and step back. I eye our intertwined hands, looking back up at him as if to tell him to let go.

He clears his throat, dropping my hand like it's hot, and stepping back.

I decide to pretend I don't give a fuck. Ignoring the drumming of my heart, and grab my car key out of my bag.

"Get in.."

"Smash.." I say, maybe for the 10th time this hour.

"Oh my days, can you stop saying that?" Jude exclaims, a bewildered expression on his face as he looks over at me.

"Can't, it's Michael B. Jordan, and you want me to sit still?" I ask, earning a grunt from him.

"You're unbelievable.."

I ignore him, continuing to drool over the screen while I shove popcorn into my mouth.

"What are you going to do? You're off for four days.." I ask, sprawled out on the couch, in front of the TV.

"I have physical therapy every day, can't leave the city.." He complains, sitting on the couch across from me.

"Oh, how inconvenient- wait, who's driving you?.."

"Don't you worry, I've got someone driving me.." He sneers, folding his arms.

I roll my eyes, going back to watch the movie on the screen.

A hot man could make a boring movie so incredibly interesting.

"I'm not home tomorrow. Will you survive being home alone for the rest of your day?" I question, flickering my eyes back to him.

"Where are you going?"

"Taking my last exam, library helps me focus better.." I stuff another handful of popcorn into my mouth.

"Last one?"

"Yeah, I need to go revise a little." I sit up, pausing the movie, and getting up from the couch.

"Have it.." I shove the bowl of popcorn into his hands, walking up the stairs to my room. Ready for this exam to be over already.

“What the fuck was that.." I whisper to myself, hitting my head on my steering wheel repeatedly. I had long driven home from the library, not caring to step out of the car, parked in the driveway.

I had studied hours on end, but when I was presented with the questions, my brain practically short circuited, causing me to blank out so much information I needed to know.

I'm on the verge of tears at this point. Normally, after the last exam of the semester, I'd be jumping from joy, but the way this exam had gone- I wanted to cry buckets of tears.

I sniffle, wiping my nose with my sleeve. Not caring about the foundation stain left on it, and grab my bag from the backseat. I get out of my car, unlocking the front door of my house quickly.

I expect the house to be quiet, but instead I hear loud music. Old 80s songs, solely about love. Music only I knew auntie Carmen loved listening to while cooking.

I drop my bag at the front door, blinking repeatedly to hide the tears in my eyes. I shrug my jacket off, the December cold had come in full force. Though, to me, nothing was worse than winter in London anyway.

"Harina, say it, young man.." I hear auntie Carmen say in Spanish, a voice following behind her.

"Harina? Harina.." A broken accented voice says. I raise my brows, my tears and worries in the back of my mind now.

Curiosity takes over, and I immediately walk towards the kitchen, where the noises are coming from.

I'm greeted by the sight of auntie Carmen and Jude standing next to each other. Both wearing aprons as they are kneading dough on the kitchen island. Flour sprinkled on the marble as I hear Jude repeat random Spanish words, often getting corrected by my auntie.

She didn't even speak a lick of English. How did they even communicate?

I clear my throat, taking their attention away from the slabs of dough on the counter.

"Oh- you're home.." She smiles warmly at me, beckoning me over with a flour-covered hand.

"What's this?" I ask, stepping closer and speaking in Spanish.

"We're making pizza from scratch, sweetie." She says, giving me a kiss on my cheek.

"With him?" I point to Jude, watching him pound the dough with unnecessary aggression.

"What do you mean? Jude is so good at this, look at him go..” She smiles, saying his name with the utmost affection. He looks up confused, but I ignore him further.

What the hell did he do to make her like him already?

"Your boyfriend is a better cook than you already..”

I pull a horrified face, eyes going wide as my arms fall to my sides. I glance at Jude, noticing that he hadn’t even flinched at the words.

Thankfully, his Spanish classes weren’t so advanced yet…

I lean in close to her, whispering, well whisper-shouting.

“He’s not my boyfriend..” I say, pulling a face. I watch the corners of her eyes crinkle as she smiles.

“I know, I’m just joking. Your dad called me about this entire situation already..”

“Why would you say that, then?”

“He’s handsome, isn’t he..” She says out loud, making me facepalm.

First, he steals my dad’s time, then my house, and now my auntie?

I look at him, watching him knead the dough, a smirk forming on his face.

I want to strangle him right here and now..

It’s only been a couple days, and this was too much for me already.

[halsteadlover]

Under Fire

*Gif not mine credits to the owner*

• Pairing: Jay Halstead x Paramedic!Reader.

• Requested by anon: Hey! Could you write an imagine where the reader is a paramedic and one day a person starts shooting at the ambo and Jay is called? Then he would be worried when he sees the reader there.

• Warnings: mention of sex, blood, gunshot, bad writing (yes it’s gonna be a warning from now on).

• Word count: 4289.

• A/N: this is by far one of the ugliest fics ever and honestly I’m even ashamed I posted it. It didn’t turn the way I wanted but I was too lazy and had no time to write it all again so here it is 💀 Sorry for the ppl who expected a good worried!Jay fic 😭 I’m sorry for any mistake too and of course I know all the ‘medical’ staff was probably inaccurate so pls bear with me lol

“Baby, breakfast is ready!”.

Jay's voice muffled to your ears from the kitchen as you hurriedly got ready for work, super late. You tied your hair into a ponytail, not wanting to waste any more time trying to fix it before running to the kitchen where Jay had just set breakfast on the table.

“I'm late honey I can't eat,” you said frantically, leaning closer to him and kissing him on the lips before stealing a waffle which you popped into your mouth and began to eat as you looked for your car keys.

“Babe you can't go to work without having breakfast,” Jay retorted as he drank his cup of coffee and watched you amused.

“Yeah? And whose fault is it that I’m late?” you asked ironically “Have you seen my keys baby? Damn it… I can't find them anywhere.”

Jay chuckled and there was no need to say he found them as soon as he started to search for them. He was about to hand them to you but suddenly put his hands behind his back. “I want a kiss first.”

You giggled like a little girl and placed your free hand on his face, kissing him passionately, as if it was the first time you'd seen him in ages. No matter how much time passed, Jay managed to have on you the same effect as the first day, and for a moment, lost in your senses, you almost forgot you had to run away to work.

“Mmmh,” he murmured into the kiss, intensifying it as his arm went around your waist, pressing your body further against his.

“Stop…” you muttered between kisses as you giggled “No,” one kiss “That’s not…” another kiss “Fair…” and yet another one. “You’ve already made me late this morning.”

“Baby it's not my fault you're so stunning. You know I can't keep my hands to myself,” he kept kissing you, taking the opportunity to shamelessly squeeze your ass. “You were naked in our bed, you really expected me not to fuck the shit out of you?”.

“Stop, you're making me hot again,” you placed your hands on his chest to push him away, receiving a frown from him. In a moment of distraction you grabbed the keys from his hand and took your bag, before giving him one last sweet kiss and go to the door “See you tonight baby, I love you. Be careful okay?”.

“I love you too princess, text me when you can and be careful too. Don't you even dare come back with even a scratch!”.

But unfortunately, things don’t always go the way we want them to.

Your morning was going well, you were on shift with Sylvie who wasted no time teasing you, between calls, about being late that morning.

“If you're jealous because I'm having hot sex and you're not, just say it blondie,” you retorted laughing, getting from your co-worker a little slap on the back of your head as she kept her eyes on the road while driving the ambo.

“You’re really a bitch you know that? Of course I'm jealous! Do you know how long it's been since I've been with someone? I don't even know what a penis looks like anymore.”

You giggled. “If after every shift you literally fly home to go to sleep, don't complain if you can't find anyone. You need to go out Sylvie, Molly's is always crowded, you'll find someone who can't wait to rail you.”

She burst out laughing. “Rail me? Where did this come from?”.

“I mean… You know… I didn't know the meaning of these words before I met my boyfriend…” you answered and Sylvie let out a fake gag while you dreamily recalled your intense sexual life with Jay.

“You are disgusting,” the blonde replied even though she laughed. Before she could add anything though, there was a call of a shooting with victim and the joyful and playful air disappeared almost instantly.

You were about to text Jay, updating him on the progress of your shift but you mentally cursed as you noticed your cell phone was dead and that’s when you remembered you didn't charge it last night.

You put it back in your pocket, mental noting you’d charge it as soon as you got back to the station.

When you and Sylvie arrived with sirens blaring at the scene where the shooting had taken place, you couldn't help but notice the amount of people there looking on curiously and trying to figure out what was going on. That neighborhood was not the most idyllic and safe, given the unfortunate presence of criminals and drug addicts, and you mentally prayed you could finish as soon as possible since you didn't feel at all calm in that place.

A man in his fifties came running towards you, cell phone in hand and a terrified expression on his face.

“What happened sir? Where’s the victim?” Sylvie asked as you fetched the first aid kit bags.

“This way. There's been a shooting… There's a young man… I don't know if he's still alive.”

The man pointed to a person lying on the ground, immersed in his own blood and at a rough guess he didn't seem to be more than 16 years old. He was just a little boy.

“We'll take care of it from now sir. Thank you for calling us. Now go back in your house and stay safe,” you said and he nodded before storming off and locking himself inside his house along with his family.

You put on your gloves and leaned over the victim. You checked his carotid pulse and breathing. “He’s breathing and there is still a pulse. But it's too weak.”

Sylvie lifted the victim's shirt, revealing the shotgun at stomach level, and spun him on his side for a moment. “There is an exit wound.”

“I'm putting an IV,” you stated before taking the necessary kit while Sylvie controlled the bleeding by dabbing the wound with clean gauze which was soaked in blood in no time. After placing the tourniquet, it was difficult to find an accessible vein due to the copious blood loss but eventually you succeeded.

As you continued to do everything in your power to keep the still unconscious patient alive, you didn't realize all passers-by had left and that a suspicious car was approaching until the sound of a shot broke the silence.

Your heart stopped for an instant.

It all happened so fast and in just few seconds that you didn't even realize what was happening.

It was all so fast but so slow at the same time.

Everything seemed to stop around you, the world started spinning fast and slow at the same time which you didn't even believe was possible. The seconds seemed to have turned into minutes, hours, and in you kept wondering when it would end.

You and Sylvie threw yourselves to cover the victim, but not before a bullet went through your arm causing you to scream in pain. “Fuck!” you exclaimed as an excruciating pain made you bend to the ground for an instant.

“Y/N! Oh my god!” exclaimed Sylvie, rushing towards you regardless of the danger. Your hand covered your wound from where blood gushed and you tried to take a few breaths to try to regain control of yourself. You hadn't been shot at before by now, but damn it hurt like hell.

“I'm fine,” you murmured and when you opened your eyes you saw a woman lying on the ground not far from you. “Shit… Sylvie, go to that woman…”

Sylvie glanced between you and the poor woman lying on the asphalt, not sure what to do. “I am fine. Go! I'll take care of it here!”.

She nodded and grabbed a first aid bag before running to the woman, leaving you with the still unconscious victim. You checked him to make sure he wasn't hit and breathed a sigh of relief when you saw he wasn't.

You called for help on your radio before getting up with no small effort, dragging the victim behind a car, thus keeping you sheltered.

Your heart was pounding and you didn't know what to do, the fear they'd come back to kill you paralyzed you. You leaned against the car, bringing your eyes to the wound on your arm and noticing you were losing more blood than you would’ve expected.

“Shit,” you winched in pain even if the adrenaline rushed through your veins. You decided not to think about it and just treat the patient until help arrived, after all you weren't going to die from a shot in an arm.

You got up from the car and approached the patient, noticing the movement of his chest was no longer regular and that he was struggling to breathe. You took your stethoscope and listened to his chest, hearing crackles and a muffled sound in the right lung.

“Damn it,” you whispered to yourself, taking deep breaths as the pain became more intense and trying to focus solely on the victim and not on the excruciating pain you were feeling. The victim had a pneumothorax and you knew if you didn't treat it right away, you ran the risk of losing him before help even arrived.

You took all the kit needed to aspirate the air from his lung but your hand was shaking too much to be able to proceed. “Come on. You can do it,” you kept telling yourself and breathing deeply. With no little effort you managed to make a small incision and insert the small catheter to allow the air to escape. You listened to his lungs again after a bit with the stethoscope and breathed a sigh of relief when you realized the pulmonary sound was good and he was breathing properly. You fixed the catheter to his chest with a plaster and continued to treat the wound on the abdomen.

He was losing too much blood and if he hadn't gone to the hospital immediately he would’ve died there in front of you.

Your forehead was drenched in sweat, your arms and body were giving up as you noticed in the distance Sylvie giving a CPR to the woman who had presumably also been shot.

You heard the sound of sirens of the police and of another ambulance in the distance and for the first time in the last half hour your heart started properly beating again.

Jay, meanwhile, didn't have a clue what was going on, that you'd been shot, rushed to the hospital, or he’d completely lose his mind.

His day, unlike yours, was going on normally and no new cases had turned up so he spent the morning sorting through paperwork and old reports that were still incomplete.

He checked his cell phone to see if you'd answered him but still nothing. The last time he knew about you was when he saw you walk out the door of the apartment you shared and he couldn't stop the veil of anxiety that had passed through him. He knew he was exaggerating, as you were most likely having a busy morning and for this reason you hadn’t reached out to him.

He tried to keep his mind at bay, to stay calm and tell himself everything would be fine, that you were okay and he’d hear from you soon.

But when he saw Sylvie's name on the screen as his cell phone rang, he knew immediately that something wasn’t right and the slight feeling of anxiety was replaced by a real vice in his stomach.

“Sylvie? What happened? Is my girlfriend okay?” he asked as soon as he answered the call, without even giving her time to say anything. He knew something was up and didn’t want to waist time.

“Jay…” she breathed out, her voice clearly shaking but Jay couldn't care less.

“Sylvie tell me immediately what the hell happened. Where’s Y/N? Is she okay?” he ordered in a harsh and hostile tone, more than he ever wanted to.

“We are at Med's and…”

That was all it took for him to go crazy and not understand anything anymore.

Before she could finish her sentence he had already hung up the phone and, without even notifying his boss, he exited the unit at lightning speed, under the gaze of his worried and astonished teammates.

His mind kept repeating the last words spoken by Sylvie and never as in that moment did he feel like the world completely collapsed on him. He hadn't even asked what happened, whether you were okay or not, and as he drove like a madman through the streets of Chicago, he kept praying, praying and praying.

“God please let her be okay,” he kept muttering to himself, his heart pounding so hard in his chest he felt like it was going to stop at any moment. He tried to call you several times but each time it directed him to your voicemail. “Fuck!” he had exclaimed hitting the steering wheel in frustration and after throwing the cell phone on the passenger seat, without caring whether it broke or not.

You had to be okay, it couldn't have been otherwise. You had to be okay because you had to spend the rest of your life with him, he had to marry you, start a family with you, raise your children, maybe have pets, and to do that you had to feel good.

Jay knew that your job, as well as his, could be dangerous, but that didn't make the anxiety any less oppressive, the fear of losing you any less crippling.

It might seem like an exaggeration but he couldn't live without you, he couldn't imagine a life in which you weren't there, he couldn't imagine coming home and not finding you there preparing dinner with so much care and love, he couldn't imagine coming home and not finding you walking barefoot, the music blasting while you danced and sang as you cleaned the house, he couldn't imagine waking up in the morning and not feeling your body against his, the scent of your hair entering his nostrils, your arms holding him preventing him from getting up to go to work when you weren't on shift.

“No, no, no, no, no,” he babbled not wanting to even think about this possibility as he darted through the streets without even bothering to stop at red lights and risking causing accidents at least a couple of times.

When he got to the hospital he immediately ran towards the nurses' station, failing even to realize that Maggie was already talking to a patient.

“Maggie where is Y/N? Is she fine?” he asked frantically getting a glare from the gentleman who was previously talking to Maggie. She shot an apologetic look at the man and nodded to the room you were in before giving her attention back to the patient.

Jay ran towards the room and without even thinking twice pulled the curtain away, an expression of pure fear and concern on his face. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw you were lying on the crib, alive.

“Jay!” you exclaimed, not expecting to find your boyfriend in front of you in the hospital, lifting yourself up as if to reach him.

“Y/N stay still,” Connor admonished you, who was tending your wound.

“Oh thank God,” Jay finally managed to calm down and finally breathe again. He walked over to you and gently grabbed your face with his still trembling hands, leaving a kiss on your forehead. It lasted longer than it should’ve but Jay didn't care, he just wanted to savor the moment, smell the scent of your hair, your skin, and realize you were really there in front of him, that you hadn't left him.

“Halstead, you shouldn't be here,” Connor commented without looking up from the bullet hole in your arm.

“Shut up Rhodes, just focus about treating her,” Jay retorted and the serious tone in which he said it caused both you and Connor to chuckle but as soon as you looked at him you stopped immediately, noticing the expression of pain and concern with which he was looking at you.

“What happened baby? My God…” he stroked your face, your hair, “Why didn't you call me? What did they do to you?”. His eyes moved from your features to your arm and he immediately knew it was a bullet hole. He had assumed that you’d been pushed, maybe fallen somewhere, but he hadn't thought it was a shot at all.

Anxiety and worry were quickly replaced by anger and rage and in that precise moment he promised himself he’d make the bastard who had done this to you, who had dared to hurt you, pay.

“I told Sylvie not to call you…” you started talking, not answering Jay's questions but he cut you off, “Y/N please… I'm mad enough you didn't call me and I had to hear from your colleague you ended up in the hospital, don’t even think about making jokes right now.”

“Sorry Jay, it's just… You were at work and I didn't want to worry you. I'm fine as you can see and Connor will fix me.”

“You're not fine,” Connor intervened, glancing at you before continuing to treat the wound “If you hadn't continued to treat the victim your arm wouldn't be in so bad shape, the bullet had gone too deep. But luckily I'm very good at my job.”

If looks could kill, you should’ve been petrified after Jay's glare.

“Connor, you really don't know when to shut your mouth, do you?”.

“Y/N,” Jay spoke up “I'm not playing and I'm about to lose my mind. Tell me what the hell happened.”

You sighed, looking down at your belly as you recalled those moments of terror that seemed to have happened not long ago but at the same time, so long ago.

Jay noticed the way your free hand was shaking slightly and he felt guilty for raising his voice after the traumatic event you had suffered earlier that morning. “Sorry baby,” he said, caressing your cheeks and then giving you another soft kiss on your forehead. He held you as best he could, your head level with his stomach as he continued to stroke your hair, your cheeks, trying to calm you down. It was his way of saying he was there, that you were safe and never like then did you mentally thank Sylvie for calling him.

“It’s okay, I’m here now. Everything will be okay baby.”

God only knew how terrified you were, how afraid you were of dying, never seeing the love of your life again, never hugging him again and feeling him holding you, cradling and caressing you… Shit, this was one of the best feelings you ever had the pleasure of trying in your life.

You kept thinking over and over of those scary moments, the sound of those gunshots you knew would echo in your mind for far too long. No manual, no course would’ve ever prepared you for all this, you knew that being a paramedic would’ve taken you to places where danger was around the corner, but the adrenaline, the fear, that terror… No one would’ve ever been able to preparing for this.

You didn't even realize Connor had finished bandaging your wound until you saw with the corner of your eye he was getting up and collecting all the dirty gauze and other tools he had used. “I can't stress enough about the fact you don't have to exert yourself. You have to rest for at least a week, after that you can do some office work, but no work on the field until you’ll be able to move your arm.”

“Trust me she won’t. Thanks Rhodes,” Jay replied and Connor gave him a smile, then patted him on the shoulder with an ungloved hand.

“I'll leave you two alone.”

You tried to move you arm a bit but it was still numb from the local anesthetic. Jay sat on the edge of the bed, taking your free hand and intertwining his fingers with yours as his thumb stroked your back.

“You made me worry to death you know? I think I've died and risen a thousand times in the last hour.” He was the one who spoke first, but his tone was soft and reassuring. His free hand stroked your face, tucking a strand of hair that had escaped your ponytail, behind your ear.

“I'm so sorry Jay,” you mumbled back, feeling awfully guilty to see him like this, features contracted up with concern, eyes shining.

“You don't have to apologize, I'm just so happy you're okay,” he hugged you and you returned that hug, with your free arm. “God Y/N, I wouldn't have known what to do without you. I've never been so scared as today...” he kept talking “Don't ever do this to me again.”

“I was so scared Jay… I…” you stammered, trying to swallow the lump in your throat “I thought I'd never see you again…”

“Shh, it's okay. I'm here now and you're safe, I won't let anyone hurt you anymore,” he tried to calm you down even if he was feeling a storm inside. He was angry, furious, because he wasn't there to protect you, because if he had the person responsible in his hands he would’ve killed them with his bare hands, because he hated seeing you like that, scared, trembling in his arms. And he wanted to cry, cry so hard, because the fear he'd had of losing you was paralyzing.

Jay had never been in a situation where he’d even think you weren't next to him. To him it was like you were a superhero, immortal, that one way or another you'd always come back to him and he had taking all of this for granted. Reality had hit him full blown and left him breathless, making him lose the ground under his feet, the world collapsing around him and made him understand it wasn't like this, that fate was sometimes a bastard and that only event made him realize how important you were to him. Maybe even more than he could have ever imagined.

How much he loved you, for goodness sake, it was overwhelming. You were his whole world, and however absurd, ridiculous, cheesy, or over the top that might seem, Jay really couldn't live without you. It was a phrase he had told you so many times but in that particular absurd event it took on an even deeper and more real meaning and he really, really couldn't exist in a world where you weren't by his side.

And he didn't care how cheesy any of that sounded, it was the plain, simple, unequivocal truth.

“Baby you're choking me,” you muttered as he began to hold you so tight it literally blocked your breath. Your voice brought him back to reality, “Shit. Sorry, baby I didn't realize it,” he said giving you a kiss on the lips and you smiled at him, “It's okay.”

“Are you okay? Do you need something?”.

You shook your head, your lids suddenly feeling heavy. “No, just some rest.”

Jay smiled sweetly, looking at you with so much love and affection. “I know baby, I know. As soon as they prepare the discharge documents, I'll take you home and you can rest as long as you want.”

You nodded and the tender expression on your face made his heart explode. Had he already said how much he fucking loved you? “You'll stay with me right? I need you.”

“Do you really think I would’ve left you alone knowing what you've been through? I'll take the rest of the day off and, since I have a lot of accumulated vacation days, I’ll take the next few weeks as well.”

You smiled faintly. You didn’t want him to not go to work and felt selfish but God, you needed him so badly so you didn’t even complain. “Thank you love.”

“Do you feel like telling me what happened?” Jay asked, now impatient. You told him everything from how you were treating the victim, to the shooting and until help arrived. It goes without saying how furious Jay was when you finished speaking and how he looked ready to smash something against the walls.

“It's over baby, I'm really fine now, luckily they hit me on the arm and not elsewhere where it could’ve been so much worse. I'll get better soon, you know how these things go,” you tried to reassure him, placing your hand on his face and stroking his skin, a gesture that made him relax a little. “Please don’t be mad.”

“I’m not mad Y/N, I’m furious. You are the most precious thing in my life and I’d kill anyone for even touch a strand of your hair in the wrong way. Knowing you were there alone, that you couldn't defend yourself, someone dared to hurt you… I can’t even explain the rage I’m feeling right now,” he replied, the tone of low voice as your words kept echoing in his mind. “I'm so sorry my baby,” he caressed your face “My precious princess. I’m so sorry for not being there and failing to protect you. It shouldn't have happened, especially not to you. If something…”

“No love no,” you interrupted him, not letting him finish that sentence “Let's not think about that. I'm here now, you're here with me and that's all that matters, okay?”.

“I know, I know,” he replied. But they’ll still have to pay for what they did to you.

General tag list: @hngbrooks, @alexxavicry, @mrspeacem1nusone, @halstead-severide-fan, @allivzs

Jay Halstead tag list: @burgstead, @bebataylor84, @ares-kelani-wayne, @ixna-mikaelsn, @sande5098, @smoothdogsgirl, @withakindheartx, @jess2013, @maddu-oliveira, @lovemesomepietro, @onechicagodrawings, @jinxfan18, @ready-hit-it, @rainroo2, @tinfoilhat2719, @upsteadlovingheart, @secondaryjob, @nevaehstreater18, @sophiatellerrhodes, @dedlund82, @kellykidd, @rippl3s, @stephanie708, @annahargrove, @smutlOver, @kuroe-san, @caroldanverwife, @baby, @nosy09, @luvreading67, @danielmarie, @saiyuo12, @nachodaze, @waywardhunter95, @fighterkimburgess, @ephemeral314, @mads-weasley, @itskellysev, @lovemedlife, @atarmychick007, @amazedbyitall, @glodessa, @xeleni-dutchnurse, @ossypooh, @itriedtoexplain, @randomwriter1021, @averyhotchner, @ellavanderberg, @mrshalsteadxx, @junevoidzombie, @nocturnalherb16, @croissantthief, @jayhalsteadsbadge, @youngblood199456, @dreamss-wavess, @halsteadloversworld, @laaaauuraaaaa, @firerusher, @itserickalove, @23victoria, @slytherlight, @goingwiththewind, @notanordinaryprincess95, @mel0809, @cadyfanninger, @acewritesfics, @iloveest, @instantpizzacat, @wickedlovely121

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Side blog -> @halsteadloverslibrary

[lambilegs]

girlllll i've been stalking your blog all night and all i have to say is: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE KEEP WRITING !!! you have some serious talent for real.

also you're the one to blame for my new obsession with lee like omg i want her so bad????? some lee x chubby reader would actually kill me 😵‍💫 i love her so much she would be absolutely obsessed with her plus-sized gf

lee harker x plus-sized!reader headcanons

(ANON ILY FOR THIS REQUEST!! 😭🙏🏽 as a certified Thick Girl™ myself, this truly made me so giddy and simpy to write. I was truly having the time of my life. guys this is your sign to please request any other plus-sized!reader scenarios/ideas you have in mind. ALSO BAEEEE THANK YOU SO MUCH omg that seriously means the world to me, thank you so so much for the compliments ahhh 🥺 please stalk away HAHA)

(づ˶•༝•˶)づ♡ ✩ 🎀°.❀⋆⸜ 🌷

will one hundred percent steal your clothes -- she loves looser fitting clothes in general when she wants to be comfy, and the fact that these ones smell like you? literally heaven

on days when you can't sleep over, she'll probably sleep in your shirts or hoodies (no she will never admit this to you)

SOOOO GRABBY I CANNOT EXAGGERATE

when you guys are sitting next to each other, her hand is always gripping your thigh and just smoothing over the skin or gently squeezing, especially if she's anxious and/or antsy

she also loves laying her head on your thighs or tummy. if you're sitting on the couch and she needs a break from the case she's working on, she'll just lay down and rest her head on your stomach. if she's on her back, you get shy because you keep catching her staring up at you, eyes soft and warm in the dim lighting, the wisp of a smile on her face

she'll sometimes lightly joke, quietly musing, "this is a nice view," staring RIGHT up at your tits (this earn her a flick on the forehead)

and if you're lying down, she'll sometimes get on her stomach between your thighs and rest her head on your tummy, nuzzling and giving aimless, soft kisses on the skin. when you buck up because her mouth or strands of her hair are tickling you, she'll just smile lightly and mumble, "sorry"

was probably the hugest fucking loser before y'all dated, always trying to not check you out, feeling like it'd be disrespectful or impolite to do so. but, god, would it be hard, because she'd be getting the most vivid sexual images sometimes 😭 like, you sit next to her, and since her eyes are usually pointed down, she immediately take notice of how your thighs widen. suddenly, she's imagining those thighs wrapped around her face or hips, and her eyes literally widen in response to such a thought DKSJKS poor baby once literally started coughing from shock and you had to get her water

if you bend over in front of her when you guys are just friends (whether it's an accident or to purposely tease her hehe), she would be blinking SO hard, forcing her eyes away and just finding some spot on the wall, willing her brain to just focus on it LMFAOOOO probably internally repeating the mantra of, "don't look, she's your friend, just focus on that painting. look at the colours, look at the shapes"

if you guys ever go shopping together as friends, and you put on something that hugs your curves just right, her eyes are just skittering all over, trying to force herself to not linger on any one part for too long. she eventually just gives up and stares at the ground, nodding and saying, "mm, looks good"

again, convinced she loves when she can see the outline of your tummy through a skirt or your jeans. like, it probably genuinely drives her insane, to see a hint of your shape like that, knowing that if she were to just slip one article of clothing off, it'd be exposed. the entire hinting of it would have her so wanting, just aching to kiss you through that fabric

nsfw cut:

one hundred percent pushes her faces into your tits when you ride her, just aimlessly sucking and kissing them

LOVESSSS reverse cowgirl omg those big hands of hers will be gripping and kneading at your ass, small groans leaving her lips from how it jiggles when smacking against her thighs

when you guys start dating, after she's eaten you out a few times, she one day shyly requests post-coitus, as you guys are cuddling in bed and intertwining your fingers together, "one day... could you sit on my face?" (listen she wants it too bad to not ask, but also has no idea how to subtly go about such a request)

she'd be a fucking mess when it happens. just moaning and lapping so desperately at your wet pussy as your ass and thighs completely engulf her. she'd be on cloud nine being totally surrounded by the feeling of your skin, your softness, your scent

convinced she has a thing for love handles and would be grabbing them so hard when fucking you with her strap. she's just on her knees while you're laid out and spread in front of her, and she's just drilling in there, hands tight and relentless on your hips in order to keep you anchored. she'd look so hot in that position too, just gritting her teeth and clenching her jaw as she watches you fall apart. oh yeah and she totally leaves fingerprints -- honestly, she probably also sucks marks into your hips, loving the idea of claiming you in such a private spot

[youremyheaven]

I need some advice. I feel like I'm dying. Going through the worst period cramps ever (never had this in the past 11 years), it literally feels like someone is stabbing my cervix, uterine walls and the pathway walls (I feel a bit shy calling it what it is...like a normal woman). Its so bad, I've never had it like this before. Has to do with the fact I was having isues, doc put me on meds, as soon as the dosage was done: red sea spilleth over.

Know any home remedies to help? Or just any other advice to deal with this? Can't go to the doc rn, she'll suggest to hold off pain meds, I am taking over the counter anti-inflammatory stuff..yk the one for fevers and other pains. Its not working. Its been so debilitating...I can't sleep, sit, breathe, do anything...yk the type of pain that makes you bend and make your mouth water...idk if that happens to anyone else but yeah....

OMGGG 😩😨😨😓that sounds soooo rough, I hope you're feeling better now???

I have taken meftal spas for cramps since I was maybe 16-17 years old. Idk if that's available in other parts of the world??? but its widely available in India and its specifically for period cramp induced pain<333 I'm not a doctor so pls don't take any medication without exercising caution first!!! you may not react well to it or it may have adverse effects bc of the medication you're already taking ://// 😩😩

on that note, practicing yin yoga (which focuses on releasing stress from the hip area/psoas muscles) has greatly changed my reproductive system as a whole tbh, my sex drive changed, my relationship with my body changed (like even the way i walk changed bc my hips loosened up, which meant i walked more "freely" dont tell me its woowoo,, yk can just tell when someone's body is very "frozen" or "stiff" looking) and yesss my menstrual cycle was immensely affected by it.

i used to have HORRIBLE cramps, irregular cycles, HEAVY bleeding etc in my mid-late teens (this was because of trauma + eating disorder, in case u wanted to know) and now? my period is 3 days long, light bleeding, little to no pain and i attribute alllll of that to yoga<3

now i specifically like to do certain mudras and asanas (poses) which are supposed to help the female body specifically

and while this can help u when u are on your period, i suggest making it part of your lifestyle and living according to your monthly cycle's phases so that you can experience smoother periods. i dont think its realistic to do them if you're experiencing immense pain 😭

Legs-Up-The-Wall Pose (Viparita Karani)

This pose is known for increasing blood flow to the pelvic region which helps enhance the health of your reproductive organs.

2. Baddha konasana aka butterfly pose

helps the uterus<333

3. balasana or child's pose

tbh this might actually help even if ur ON your period, lying down like this is soooo soothing and comforting. ppl overcomplicate yoga, when the reality is that holding your body in certain poses can emotionally feel very comforting/freeing/nourishing etc but then again im only familiar with yin yoga/restorative yoga (there are manyyyy different types of yoga)

4. happy baby pose

as the name suggests this is how babies lay down and they seem happy for no reason,, i remember the first time i consciously did this pose and i was like???? this is yoga??? bc i would randomly do poses like these for no reason in bed (im sure we all do when we're bored) and if i intentionally do it?? its actually good for me??

again this pose helps with the hip muscles!!! the female body is always preparing for childbirth. regardless of whether or not you want to be a mom, taking care of your womb health and reproductive well being is CRUCIAL bc whether we like it or not we were designed this way and dont think of it as "preparing my body to bear children" just think of it as "preparing my body to be at its best" (the bearing kids is just a bonus) .. the state of your womb affects your whole being!!! its not a joke!!!

now here's some mudras:

yoni mudra

yoni means womb and as u can see, this pose imitates the 🫣🫣 its a highly beneficial mudra for women and helps with overall pelvic health. you can do it sitting cross legged. i like to chant mantras and do this pose,, it kicks in quicker or smthng idk 😳but it feels ✨

2. prana mudra

do this mudra on both hands btw!!

prana means life force

this mudra helps with overall immunity and pain management!!!

3. prithvi mudra

prithvi means earth and this mudra helps balance the earth element in your energetic system which means its gives you strength, resilience and physical energy (in case u feel tired, fatigued etc for no reason) as those are the qualities of the earth

now for some pranayamas

Bhramari/ honeybee buzzing

this is my fav bc its so simple and easy to do!! and who doesn't want to buzz like a bee??? 🥰😍

2. anulom vilom

this is also a very simple pranayam for beginners

the whole idea is to get your body into a state of relaxation so that you dont operate from a place of stress or anxiety. you can just feel peaceful all the time. imagine being that unbothered!!

sorry for going off on a tangent (me with every post lmao) these are some beginner friendly yoga asanas/mudras/pranayamas (all of which are diff components of yoga) that u can try when u feel comfortable!!

NOW about alleviating pain ASAP:

hot water bag

put that thing on ur stomach and lie down (after taking medicine) my mom used to do this all the time and it helped her a lot

2. roobois tea

i drink roobois tea almost everyday hehe but its said to help alleviate menstrual cramps 🤔and lower blood pressure,,

3. chamomile tea

is also said to help with period pain :o

4. look into your diet, sleep, overall lifestyle

you may not have had pain of this sort before but babe NOW UR A WOMAN ✨and u have to look at your lifestyle and ensure that its something that helps a woman's body feel rested and calm

being stressed all the time can take a physical toll on you and lead to all kinds of diseases later in life!! its in your best interest to RELAX

idk how much this helped 😭😭the most convenient thing to do would be to take medicine but u said u can't so :((( hot water bag + roobois tea???

ALSOOOO always wear socks during your period and keep your feet covered. i have sensitive feet so i wear socks at home often (this is uncommon in india, where we have a tropical climate lmao) BUT KEEP THOSE FEET COVERED,, there's some kind of science behind it but i dont remember it lmao,, all i know is that it makes me bleed less<333 and have more cozy periods and sleep better<33

ALSOOOO,, this could be an old wives tale but it worked for me (but im also delusional😍) eating dark chocolate and/or having a spoon of oil on day 1 of your period makes your period go smoothly?? 😭😭😭there's no harm in trying hehe

ALSOOO and ive never tried this but heating up like a tablespoon of oil and applying it to the bellybutton area 😳😳can help alleviate period pain 😳😳

lastly and most importantly, im just a girlblogger and NOT A MEDICAL EXPERT so pls dont put urself in an adverse position bc of something i said 😭😭😭

love always,

heaven ✨

[nikatyler]

Zeph 1.0

can't believe that yesterday i was like eh i'm not sure about that armor, it looks so good on them

(x)

oooh a pretty evil lady!

(x)

same girl, same, about everything that has ever happened to me

(x)

it's been 84 years (more like 16 hours) but i'm finally opening bg3 again ✨

i think i'll do some more goblin camp shenanigans today if possible 👀

ohhh right. essentially i've already murdered like half the goblin camp so now the other half of the camp is trying to murder me, huh?

Me: "ah yes I'm far enough" *the explosion hits Zeph and Zeph dies* *reloads* "ah yes now I'm definitely far enough" *the explosion hits Zeph again and Zeph dies again*

"yeah we've got this" *the entire party dies*

Fucking gnolls man

yeah it's been a long bloody day

HELLO SAY THAT AGAIN

hUH

jesus christ this man is h🫣rny

Okay so I'll go watch a baking show with my mum in a bit and then we're going back and doing da thing 😏

Sorry for not giving updates if you were looking forward to them, anyway a little thing I love is how everyone sleeps on their back. I do that and apparently that's weird to everyone around me? 😂🤨

I will literally be in my bed like 🧍‍♂️

(x)

newest development in my bg3-rotten brain

did i mention this game is doing things to me because it is doing things to me

(x)

Anywayyyy you know what time it is 😌

I may have just spent an hour organizing everyone's inventories and figuring out who gets what armor and all but we're good to go now I think

Explosive shrooms, yay 🤩

(x)

I'm 💀💀💀 I need to go to bed lmao

Okay so basically what happened um. I don't know how but it did. So I wanted to help Astarion. But I clicked the wrong thing. And I pushed him off the boat. And he died.

I RELOADED BUT HOW DID I EVEN DO THAT 😭😭

If there's one thing about me it's that I'll accidentally murder my favourite vampires

(x)

I love Zeph so much they're so prettyyyyyy

Kinda wanna make a modern day version of them in ts4 and have them interact with my other characters. They'd fit right in

(x)

hole hehe. hole

(x)

my bi ass is having a bit of a dilemma rn

(x)

gay gay gay they're in love your honor

HELL YEAH KISS

(x)

Raw footage of me during my latest combat

I was actually so stressed dude 😭 thankfully we made it through but ahhhhh

Does anyone else apologize to the characters when they get hurt? Like sorry lil guy in my computer I'm sorry I'm putting you through this I promise you'll make it out I PROMISE ah fuck you're getting hit again oh no sorry sorry ahhhh

So uh. The adamantine forge fight huh. 🙂

(x)

Granted it doesn't count ts4 correctly rn probably because I haven't updated yet but…yeah 😅😅

(also I have way more hours on ts4 actually, this is just since Jan 2023, I played through Origin/EA app before and then switched to Steam for reasons)

(x)

my fucking thoughts exactly, i hate this battle 😭😭 on a real note i relate to him so much when he's whining DUDE WE LIVE

i should've known he wouldn't take that as a good thing lmaoooooo dude creases when you smile is the biggest compliment smh

FREN!!!

(x)

oops

(x)

I'm sorry what

(x)

pwettyyyyy

(x)

I'm sensing that I may have messed up real bad in Last Light Inn yesterday...ooops

I should've reloaded to see if things could turn out differently but I've done a lot afterwards, idk if I wanna go back now 😂 No spoilers pls, that's something for me to figure out in my next playthrough

"ooops" people DIED 💀 people i had previously saved died 💀

(x)

You're never gonna believe who I murdered again

(x)

I'm fucking crying I need you to resurrect him you moron stop shaming Zeph for having a sex life Update we are so back lads

(x)

Funny how fast I went from "I think Zeph is mostly good, they just want to get rid of the parasite and help people along the way" to "actually fuck it darling you're so right some power would be nice"

(x)

Crying laughing sending this to my sibling who's in art school. On point

(x)

"eh we'll be fine i don't need bonuses" *rolls 1*

(x)

daddy Ketheric omg💀💀

(x)

uh anyway

(x)

this is the best they are the best 🥹

(x)

Don't be upset, I will reload, just don't be upset with me pleaseeee 😭

The "please a videogame vampire at all costs" disease is real I'm afraid

(x)

Uh oh it's almost 3am, tomorrow will be an eepy day, well it's worth it

(x)

I'm so close to having a funny number of hours played 🤭

(x)

Killed the workout, now let's kill this guy that I struggled with for half an hour. Almost killed my whole party in the process so I quit and decided to kill my legs instead 😂

(x)

[causenessus]

hey lovely !! how has your day been? have you eaten yet? i hope u have or i will have no choice but to somehow cyber pop out of your screen and take care of you (threateningly)(but also not threateningly because i wanna make sure you’re taking care of yourself) but !! anyways today i had this vietnamese dish called banh cuon and it was very MMMMM and and I HAD MANGO STICKY RICE🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶 (me living up to my anon name) idk why i just love love love mango like they’re so in season right now and so ripe so YUMMY AHHH

also omg i had a dream last night that someone was impersonating me like sending in anons with -mango anon <3 and i was literally like thinking damn. because in that situation what do i do like just fight it out with some rando LOL i was honestly stunned because one part of my brain i was like damn. but the other part of my brain was like WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO WHAT IF THEY SAY SOMETHING AND FRAMED ME WHAT DO I DO so literally when i jolted awake i checked your blog then i was like oh haha everything is okay mango anon you’re safe… just a silly little dream silly silly little dream

also !!! TRY AGAIN CHAPTER WAS SO GOOD !! u need to stop doubting your writing because everytime i read the new chapters im like oh wow this is literally a masterpiece everytime its such a hit like you always release 10/10 chapters with the occasional OH WOW 10/10 CHAPTERS but then i read your notes saying that it wasn’t that good or it was rushed and im like WDYM NESS i’m here like kicking my feet or gasping or twirling my hair u need to have more faith in urself !!!

but anyways i’m yapping again greatest apologies LOL but i hope ur day is going well !! make sure u take care of urself >:( drink water and eat well !! xoxoxo

HELLO MANGO ANON MY LOVE!!!! <3 please do not cyber pop out of my screen!!! but i have to tell u something </3333 i worked a closing shift today at my job yk 😭😭😭 and i was walking out (at like 9:30 pm) and realized something and was like "omg mango anon is gonna kill me" bc what i realized was that besides a little tiny lemonade i hadn't eaten anything since 12pm </33 BUT DW I JUST ATE!!!! AND I'M USUALLY BETTER ABOUT THAT I JUST ALWAYS GET MESSED UP ON DAYS I WORK BUT IT'S OKAY I AM TAKING CARE OF MYSELF!!! AND I WILL CONTINUE TO AS LONG AS YOU'RE TAKING CARE OF YOURELF!!

also BAHN CUON RAHHHH!!!!!! MANGO ANON U AND ME ARE ONE IN THE SAME I LOVE VIETNAMESE FOOD AND I LOVE THAT YOU HAD MANGO STICKY RICE AGAIN TODAY!!! I HOPE IT WAS GOOD AND I LOVE THAT UR LIVING UP TO UR NAME <33 EAT ALL THE MANGOS YOU CAN BEFORE SUMMER GOES BY!!

I LAUGHED SO HARD AT YOUR DREAM I'M SORRY I HOPE THAT'S OKAY 😭😭😭 I GUESS WE'RE ALL JUST HAVING CRAZY DREAMS LATELY??? BECAUSE I'VE BEEN HAVING WHACK DREAMS EVERYDAY BUT I HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD SLEEP TONIGHT MANGO ANON <3 I AM WARDING OFF THE BAD DREAMS AND MANGO ANON IMPOSTERS!! in all honesty i mean this positively but i feel like you have a voice!! yk?? like i can recognize your messages and manner of speaking if that makes sense??? /pos and so if an imposter came on here i think i would call it out!! and be like "ur sounding a little weird today....mango anon 🤨" and if u sent an ask being like "THERE'S AN IMPOSTER!!!" (among us ptsd flashbacks omg i'm sorry) I WOULD TOTALLY BELIEVE YOU AND I AM CONFIDENT I'D BE ABLE TO DETERMINE WHO THE REAL MANGO ANON WAS 😭😭😭 WHAT IS THIS PARAGRAPH I'M WRITING I'M SORRY WE'RE BOTH YAPPING BUT WE CAN YAP TOGETHER IT'S OKAY!!

AAA I'LL TRY TO MAKE THE REST OF THIS SHORT BUT THANK YOU SO SO MUCH FOR SAYING THAT ABOUT TRY AGAIN <333 IT HONESTLY MADE ME FEEL SO MUCH BETTER ABOUT IT!! AND I WILL BE MORE CONFIDENT IN MY WRITING NOW KNOWING WHAT YOU THINK <3 I LOVE U SM THANK YOU FOR THIS ASK I LOVE YOUR YAPPING AND YOU ARE WONDERFUL AS ALWAYS I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY/NIGHT MANGO ANON!!! <3333 make sure u eat and drink lots of water too!! and get lots of sleep <3

[yakultii]

insomnia is something i used to struggle with a lot, especially in my later teens, when i had very poor mental health.

here are some things i've learned/tried:

using melatonin in the short term: a natural human hormone which can be taken as a supplement, often to alleviate jet lag. i prefer 300 mcg doses, since i will be drowsy for hours after waking up with the ones that are ~17+ larger; should only be taken to correct circadian rhythm, not as a sleeping pill

cold exposure: according to anecdotal research, the ideal ambient air temperature for sleep is ~18.33 C (65 F); however, a lot of factors can influence your core temperature, namely use of sheets/blankets, and thickness of clothing. if possible, adjust the air temperature and minimize use of covers.

physical activity: sleep is fundamental for recovery, yet if there is a lack of accumulated fatigue, it can almost feel like you're just decaying away in your sleep. there are numerous benefits to exercise, and many forms of it, as well. i would recommend nature walks, personally, in addition to climbing and swimming.

isolating factors to recreate a cave: i learned this from a book; in the strategies they mention to 'energize,' gradually reducing the amount of light in the room, wearing earplugs for sound isolation, and making a resolution to avoid electronic devices late at night are all things you can work towards.

mouth tape: nasal breathing is one of the most vital parts of healthy human function i've found in the past year. pranayama (yogic breathing) has a lengthy existence, and is definitely worth looking into. however, when you sleep, the autonomic nervous system takes over; i've experimented with a lot of different things, but i've found micropore surgical tape is cheap and effective for mouth taping (along with nose strips you can purchase from amazon, or perhaps your local pharmacy).

habits/routines: one of my favorite books is Atomic Habits by James Clear, which has become very popular since my first read. it mentions the key to creating a positive identity is repeating all the actions you do intentionally, which lead into the ones you eventually perform subconsciously. sometimes, we get caught in a spiral of all the things we have to do that we don't make time for our health. even just one good thing compounded every day for a year will dramatically improve your quality of life.

naps: best performed within a midday timeframe - i've loved long naps in the past, but i have also been stuck staring at my ceiling for hours because i couldn't sleep from very long naps earlier in the day. despite that, there's a lot of napping schedules which are worth a try, like 'everyman' and 'siesta.'

there's likely a lot of things i missed, which i will omit because it would take me a ridiculous amount of time to remember; we need sleep, but interestingly, most people don't desire it - one of the feelings i would love to share with everyone is the bliss of waking up from an uninterrupted night of sleep.

tl;dr: many small healthy habits will build up to improve your sleep quality. environmental design is paramount, as you need an environment conducive to sleep. sleep is predicated on the need to recover from fatigue, so exercise is almost a necessity for quality rest. try sleep aids like earplugs, blindfolds, and nose strips if you can't isolate every environmental factor!

wow I appreciate this so much but unfortunately my insomnia is chronic since birth and anything u can think of has been attempted hahahaa melatonin has no affect on me - I have prescribed literal sedatives instead which would knock most ppl the fk out but only sometimes help for me if I time everything perfectly 😂😂😭 last night I was able to sleep though I just was in a lot of physical pain making it a lot harder but I got to sleep eventually thank god! I WISH I had the ability to take naps dude!!! but sadly I very rarely can 😫 I appreciate this message regardless I’m sure it will be helpful to someone!!!!💗

[internetgremlin-writes]

girl, u started posting things for Christmas and then just went missing 😭😭😭 what happened to you??? is everything okay?

Hello I'm okay I promise!

Yeah that one was on me for thinking a December writing challenge would be a fun little thing I could do in the evenings whilst on an ICU hospital rotation 🙃 long story short it was super busy in the department and I stayed late pretty much every night and then had to do the keeping the human alive things and study for quiz time at rounds with the specialist each morning so I literally did nothing but study, eat and sleep for the whole month and I just didn't get a second to relax or write 😭

It has been CRAZY since the start of December!! I had a week off for Christmas and then I was travelling again for more placement, I've been applying to jobs and my finals are in 4 months time (which sounds like a while but I have 5 years of content to review and full time rotations in the day). Have also been lowkey seeing a new guy so that's been taking up a lil bit of headspace too 😶

I've also decided 2023 has got to be the year I decide to grow up and get my shit together before I enter the real world and honestly who knew meal plans and food shopping and working out took so much time!? Not me.

As the guys who've been here for a while know, I'm never gone forever!! I'm gonna need a couple more weeks to get through a round of job interviews, finalise my revision plan, survive an equine hospital rotation and get settled in a healthier routine, then I'm planning on making a partial return once I've got a bit more control over things and I can afford a bit of a break from all of this, but I won't be back online and posting regular-regular until the end of May after my exams

The good news is I'm taking two months properly off in the summer so you can bet your assess that's going to be a project finishing marathon!!

The Christmas fics are going on pause and will be re-released next year (I know, I suck, I'm so sorry for letting you all down) and I'm going to finish Flat Spin and Obvious by September and hopefully work through my request pile as we go from now onwards to keep me in the writing mindset

Anyway, I love and miss you guys like mad! I'm shocked by how much attention this blog is getting even when I'm not posting and I promise once I've got my real life together I will be back. In the meantime keep rereading and sending stuff in, I love hearing from you all!! <3

[aberooski]

fanfic asks: 22, 30, 49 💫

Oh yay! Thank you for the asks! 💜

22. Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process? How do you come up with titles?

This is an interesting one because honestly I don't have any specific point in the process where it happens. Titles just kinda find their way to me whenever they want. Sometimes I'm struck with inspiration early on in the writing process or even before I even come up with an idea, but I like the title so much I have to come up with a fic for it, or I'll have a fic completed and be struggling and fighting tooth and nail with my brain to come up with something to call it 🤭 let me pull a few quick examples from my pantheon!

Once Upon A Duelist, that one came super easily to me. Of course that fic being a Sleeping Beauty au, having the play on Once Upon A Dream was pretty simple to think of but I digress, it was an easy one to title.

Sons of The Stars on the other hand, that one I was ruminating and formulating titles for throughout the whole process and getting nowhere for the longest time. Angel's Tears was like that too when I wrote it back in the day. (Tbh in the market for a new title for that one, I used to love it but recently I've liked it a lot less)

And my Final Fantasy XV fic What Goes In. That one was super easy because I took it from a line of dialog that Gladio has in one of the cutscenes that was actually written into the fic.

And Sustained by Hate is the title of a song from Final Fantasy XIII and well the cutscene it plays in in the game is the scene involves a child trying to murder a man because he blames him for his mother's death, so 😬 but the title was very relevant because the only thing keeping Camula's soul together and keeping her from being assimilated into oblivion was her hatred of Jaden and desire for revenge, so she was quite literally sustained by hate. I actually borrowed or was inspired by a lot of titles from that game's songs and story chapters for the chapters in the fic too aksksk

I take a lot of inspiration from songs for both fic titles and chapter titles, ever since I was a kid writing shitty fics in actual physical journals. But I also sometimes just try to think of something relevant from my own brain aksksk

So yeah they just kinda find me whenever they want to, I don't really have any specific point in time where I come up with titles. But that honestly can be the hardest part of the entire process for me if they don't come to me early on in the process.

30. How much do you edit your fics? Do you edit as you write or wait until you finish the first draft?

This one's easy actually, I usually wait until the end and go back and do it all at once. Mostly because just about every fic I've written in the last like 5 years has been for the YGOBB so I've been writing on a time crunch for a long time and I'm a slow writer so I never had the time to spend editing as I go. I'd wait until the rough draft was done and turned in and then go back and edit after.

Now I've been going back and even editing and revising those fics again because honestly I don't think I did a very good job the first time. But I'm less horrified when I read my old fics now so that's good 😭

I do find myself going back and editing as I go more now than I used to, especially since I'm stepping back from YGOBB this year and taking a break from that. Love the event, but I think all my fics have suffered from the time crunch and I always burn out having to push myself to pump out my fics so yeah need that break.

But generally I do write a fic all the way out before I'll start editing so I can focus on one thing at a time. Get the foundation first and then build upon it. 👍

49. What fic of yours would you say is the best introduction to you as a writer?

Oh boy this one's actually a very hard question for me 😅

When I think about it I'm kinda tempted to say Sustained by Hate (abby's version)(from the vault)

It's a multi chapter fic which is my forte, it's in universe which I don't often do in my long fics, the concept is entirely plausible with Camula being brought back and wanting revenge for her defeat, it works in a lot of my little touches and portrayals of the characters

Dad Crowler, Hassleberry’s leg being an issue for him a lot, Alexis being protective of Atticus like to the max, Jaden going out of his way to try and protect the squad but specifically Sy, Bastion playing the role of team mom, Chazz and Atty's relationship period, and you even get some of my quirks and inner workings of my mind with Mrs. Rhodes and Mrs. Princeton hanging out on the sidelines

Also the blatant, very thinly veiled Little Mermaid reference of a plotline..... I mean c'mon the chapter is literally called Poor, Unfortunate Soul 😭

I also actually wrote a duel and that was really hard and I'm very proud of myself and everyone should be impressed 😭

Anyways that one is very me, there's so much in that fic that's very authentic to me and I think it's probably the best intro to me and my writing in terms of the long fics.

One shots, Salt In The Wound. No question. Maybe when I go back and edit that one A Friend In Need would be good too, and Traffic Lights is pretty good but again SITW is so authentically me as a Syrus stan/kin who has major beef with Zane.

I'd love to say OUAD, you know I would. But that's my magnum opus man, if that's your introduction you've set the bar pretty damn high 😭

And Sons of The Stars, as much as I demand everyone in the universe read it because I worked harder on that fic than anything I've ever written in my life, that is NOT a starter fic. It's 136k. And a whole ass built from the ground up au. And honestly draws on a lot of stuff in season 3 and there's a couple subtle nods to other works in it so it's not a starter at all. That's one to read after you've read a couple aksksk

So yeah, if you want a quality starter fic, Sustained by Hate is probably the way to go I think.

Angel's Tears or What Goes In wouldn’t be bad either if you wanted to see the progression of my work from high school to now. Even with the revisions I've done to both of those fics in the last couple months, in my opinion you can still tell I originally wrote them when I was like 18 years old.

But I legitimately think Sustained by Hate and Salt In The Wound would probably the best options depending on which length of fics you like to read.

Thanks again for the asks, these are so fun!!

☆ Abby ☆

[dollkichi]

dust is a threat to national security! and it's made up of like 70% fecal matter like it's literally the shit of dust mites which are little bugs that live in your sheets. in fact, i have an expensive ass anti dust mite duvet because it was still cheaper than getting medicine for my allergies every month. blue is my second favourite colour after red, but it used to be my favourite. at one point in time i had around fifty shades of blue memorised purely to show other people that i was a bigger fan of blue than they were. (i am a very competitive person) i like staring at people do ordinary everyday things. humans are so cute. what's funny about my earbuds is that they're wired but wireless at the same time. they're wired to each other but function on Bluetooth. i find that funny. Fourth Wing is about a girl going to a college that prepares you for war, aptly named 'War College'. it has forced subpar romance and i hate that. the writing is also mediocre. the worldbuilding and idea is pretty good, but alas, it was doomed from the start with all the forced sexual tension. there's one line that goes, and i quote,

"*You are not attracted to toxic men* I remind myself, and yet, here I am, attracted."

what the actual fuck. why do i put myself through this. i should never gotten past the beauty (chef's kiss) of a masterpiece that was Life of Pi...

the tea was delicious! on roblox i mainly play dress to impress and doors, although i sometimes play tower defence simulator when forced by my brother. i don't play roblox a lot, but for some reason i'm picking it back up in the past few days with all the long roblox sessions. my roblox username is also cringe as hell because i made it when i was like, five 😭

my mom got free soap from her friend who runs a soap shop so i reaped the benefits. one is a regular long rectangle and dark pink, wrapped in a blue ribbon, and it smells vaguely rosey. the second is small and in the shape of a rose, in a bright pink colour. it very strongly smells rosey. the third is medium sized and has a cream coloured base with a translucent honey coloured top in the shape of a flower. it smells like orange. honestly i just bought the nightlights because they looked cool, i've never been one to use them. losing chargers is so relatable though- poor bunny nigjtlight :(

now my doll is stuck in the dark at night!~

</3

my nightlight is a Zhongli figure and my favourite genshin character is most definitely my love and light of my life Arlecchino <3

(although when Pantalone comes out its going to be him because THAT MAN IS SO PRETTY AUGHH I'M DEAD ON MY KNEES.)

-👤

SORRY FOR LATE REPLY, I WAS SLEEPING

WHAT. Dust mites are menaces and need to go. Blue and red are both very nice colors!! Memorizing 50 shades is kinda crazy though… but anything to prove that you are indeed the biggest blue fan. Being competitive over silly stuff like that is so real. Why are your earbuds like that. Why are they wired and wireless, that is so strange. GIGGLING AT WAR COLLEGE, what a creative name!! It kinda sounds like they were trying to appeal to booktok with all the forced romance and sexual tension. That’s a shame it does that tho when the idea and wordbuilding are good :(

What is Life of Pi about and would you recommend it?

I’m gonna steal your tea. I haven’t played a lot of dress to impress but I do like doors! I’m super excited for floor 2 to come out since the trailer released. There’s a game similar to doors actually that I’ve been playing, it’s called pressure. It’s well made and extremely fun! Anyways, we should totally play sometime. I wouldn’t mind playing dress to impress as long as you’re there. My username is cringe too so don’t worry… I changed it in a 2020 phase </3

Your soaps in the picture are so so pretty!! I am going 2 steal those too, mine now. I kinda wanna eat them. They look like they’d be good. They definitely sound like they smell good!!

OLD MAN NIGHTLIGHT?!?!?! Omg. Aside from being old, Zhongli is cool. Not my favorite character but also not a bad one. I love Arlecchino’s design!! She is soo pretty. She was super interesting too in the story. I’m excited to see what Pantalone is like when he comes out, he definitely is also pretty. I like his glasses and hair. I’ve always been a Venti fan since I first started playing back in 2020. I do really like Childe and Freminet + his siblings though too. I need to pick up genshin again… lost my 50/50 on Furina’s banner and I was like “I don’t wanna play anymore”, ehehe ^^;

[post-office-by-the-bay]

hi covey!!!!

i havent been able to respond and interact with all ur posts since im not home atm but im sitting in hotel room bed writing this rn so! i have found my way to your other account tho😈 so im gonna write a little rant i hope you dont mind (even tho thats kinda what the account is made for, i still feel weird doing it!!) so feel free to ignore i just reallt want rant!

also wanna start it off by saying i hope youve been doing well and the college stress isnt affecting you too much!!

okiiii so anyway its my birthday tofay 😜😜 and for my bday weekend we went to chicago since its pretty close to where i live and i thiight it would be fun but sometjkng about me is just that i hate being away from home like idk i just love my room so idk why i wanted to do thid for my bday but ANYWAY.

friday and saturday were oretty fun even tho its so cold out but ive had an overall good time! the obly downside is my DAD bro. i dont think hes ever experienced true happiness in hus life bc if any tiny bad thing happens he gets so MAD and for NO REASON. i try to stay happy but its literally such a mood killer like how am i supoosed to enjoy my time wjen ur over here bitching and complaing about not getting the corner booth like. get over pls shut up i wanna be happy.

and then today i thoight we were gonna go to this museum and then meet up with my brither to go to the sears/willis tower but it got completely changed and i was so confused and we didnt do anytbing k wanted to do that day. like i wanted kbbq as my bday dinner like it was the MAIN reason i wanted to go to chicaho but they switched uo and said it was too far away. like okay then… im like fine whatever just choose some place else bc idk what i want and i dont wanna decide and THEY KEPT ASKING ME AND BOTHERING ME LIKE PLS LEAVE ME ALONE. and then we were just walking around everywhere trying to fund a place to eat and i was getting annoyed so i just said olay i wanna go here, AND THEY JUSR GO SOMEWHERE ELSE EVEN THO THEY WERE ASKING ME WHERE I WANTED TO GO??? pls.. jusg make up ur mind. and then when we finally got to a place bc i was like yall im tired lets just go to fresking shake shack they starting bitching about the prices and i get we dont have a lot of money but it just made me feel so guilty??

anyway i felt way better bc me and my cousin started making fun of my dad so i felt 10x #wcousin😇

now im in the hotel room listening to my dad snore SO FREAKING LOUF LIKE HOW AM I GONNA SLEEP.

OKAY IM SO SORRY FOR WRITING SO MUCH LIKE YOU DO NOT HAVE TO RESD ALL THIS COVEY OMG

TLDR; birthday was rlly my dads rlly whiny but im chill now!

have a good day/night covey sorry writing so much😭😭

-🐌

beloved snail anon,

do not feel bad for ranting!! that's the whole point of this blog!! we just need to ignore the fact that i ignored it for so long lmao.

first and foremost, HAPPIEST OF (late) BIRTHDAYS TO YOU!! I KNOW YOUR DAD WAS BEING A BIT OF A BUMMER (kill all men) BUT YOU DESERVED TO HAVE THE BESTEST DAY AND IM SORRY HE TRIED TO TAKE THAT AWAY.

my dad is, from the sound of it, very similar to your dad. and i've grown to kinda just throw it back at him. it took years of warming up to it, but now i just treat him the way he treats us and he shuts up real real quick, ya know?? anyways, im so so sorry that he was being sucky (again kill all men) and you totally didn't deserve that!! wishing you a better birthday for next year!!

all my love,

covey 𐙚⊹ ࣪ ˖

[orchidyoonkook]

hey yoonieee !! how are you today ? hope you have/had an amazing day just like you 🫶🫶 make sure you grab something yummy and warm to eat (it's so cold wtf 😭), hydrate and take good care of yourself 💕💕

long time no talk (i swear i half forgot this app even exists and half been working on a book 😭) had a great day today. i somehow managed to sleep till like 1pm, stay in bed for another 3 hours i think and then cleaned my living room floor just to get it dirty again like 10 mins later 😭 then i just chilled around before baking FOR 3 FUCKING HOURS (had to do 34 cupcakes for our christmas fair tomorrow at school (also i may or may not just simply skipped school today...)) but i'm happy that christmas break is finally here cuz i've had a crazy af week. i missed a test last week and i've been shaking in my boots cuz i wasn't sure if i had to take it this week (and believe me when i say i'm absolutely shit at this class 😭). but this week has been amazing. i had a simulation of an exam on tuesday and it was so funny cuz the whole class was really really nervous before (even tho they don't write the marks) and after it like half of the class started dancing 😭

btw sorry for the long paragraph 😭 i wanted to text you i think two days ago but as i was writing the message i accidentally opened a notification so the text got deleted and i was so tired (pretty sure it was like 5 am) so i said fuck it and that i will text you the next day. i've seen you haven't been feeling the best so i really hope you're feeling better and that you're doing good 💕💕 also again no pressure in responding just make sure you take care of yourself 🫶🫶

-✨

Hi Baby Star!

i suck cuz this is from dec 21 but i didnt have a computer for 2 weeks and then work and this is me getting on a personal computer for the first time since Dec 19th to finally answer this!!

SO:

long time no talk (i swear i half forgot this app even exists and half been working on a book 😭)

That's okay!! I was barely online in general those few weeks so I feel ya

had a great day today. i somehow managed to sleep till like 1pm, stay in bed for another 3 hours i think and then cleaned my living room floor just to get it dirty again like 10 mins later 😭 then i just chilled around before baking FOR 3 FUCKING HOURS (had to do 34 cupcakes for our christmas fair tomorrow at school (also i may or may not just simply skipped school today...))

omg im so happy you'd had a good day!! with so much sleep and rest time???!!! that sounds PERFECT <<<3333 And then you even got some cleaning AND baking done??? Star you're kicking so much butt im so proud!!!

(34 cupcakes is insane but i just KNOW your house smelled amazing!!! and one skipped day is fine that late into the semester as long as it didn't interfere with exams imo)

but i'm happy that christmas break is finally here cuz i've had a crazy af week. i missed a test last week and i've been shaking in my boots cuz i wasn't sure if i had to take it this week (and believe me when i say i'm absolutely shit at this class 😭).

Me too!! I was so looking forward to the break! I hope yours was super good! Please let me know how you did on your exam!! I bet you knocked it out of the park! But even if you didnt, it wont make or break anything.

but this week has been amazing. i had a simulation of an exam on tuesday and it was so funny cuz the whole class was really really nervous before (even tho they don't write the marks) and after it like half of the class started dancing 😭

YAYAYAY!!! literally so happy so extremely happy your week was so good. That makes my heart so full because you deserve your weeks to be good!

Duuuuuuuude!!! dance party after exams???? Helllllllllls yes. that sounds amazing!

btw sorry for the long paragraph 😭 i wanted to text you i think two days ago but as i was writing the message i accidentally opened a notification so the text got deleted and i was so tired (pretty sure it was like 5 am) so i said fuck it and that i will text you the next day.

that is perfectly alright! I adore hearing from you whenever you are able to manage, and I promise to try and get better at answering your asks a little faster now that I have the computer back!

i've seen you haven't been feeling the best so i really hope you're feeling better and that you're doing good 💕💕 also again no pressure in responding just make sure you take care of yourself 🫶🫶

I'm better!! Still a little stressed cuz things keep adding up, but I'm also slowly crossing things off the list! And I absolutely will respond! Just maybe not in the timeliest manner sometimes 😅

I'll take care of myself <3

[lambilegs]

I've been thinking about this for too long!!! What do u think lee would be like as a girl mom?

girl mom!lee headcanons 😭🙏🏽

AHHHHHH girl mom!lee is actually gonna make me sob and scream -- wrote this in the perspective of lee being reader's wife and them having a daughter <33

♥♡∞: 💓｡.｡ 🎀｡.✨｡:∞🌷♡♥

when your guys' daughter was a baby, lee loved quiet nights with her. she'd hold her to her chest, mouth flashing a rare smile as your daughter's cute mouth opens in her state of drowsiness. lee would hum to her, stroking the tuff of hair on her head and her small back, just relishing in the calm moment with her

definitely had to learn how to manage getting overstimulated and overwhelmed with all the crying and things to keep up with

sometimes, you'll just catch her watching your daughter in fascination. like, she'll be sound asleep in her crib, or on her back on the bed, and lee is just perched over, or lying on her side, watching her quietly. her fingers will stroke your baby's tiny hands, and a small smile will curl at her lips when her daughter grips onto one

SUPER protective. lord don't even THINK of messing with this woman's daughter. lee isn't big on social interactions, but if, for example, someone is bullying her kid, she's immediately getting shit done to solve it, heading straight to her daughter's teacher, and if needed, even getting in contact with the parents of the bully in question. she might fumble a bit, and feel quite uncomfortable, needing a sec, but once she settles into the conversation, she's calmly asserting what she thinks needs to be done

learns to take better care of herself through her daughter. lee's not always the best at validating her own feelings, or keeping track of things like consistent meals and sleeping well. but, through trying her best to constantly assure and comfort her daughter about her emotions, and trying to stick to structured routine with the kid, it helps her regard and address her own emotions in a better way, as well as take care of herself by also following the routine she sets for her daughter. plus, she wants to be a good example, and she doesn't her daughter following her bad habits

read a shit on of parenting books prior to the kid, since as usual, her solution to her stress over the future's uncertainty was to do extensive research and planning

doing hobbies and hangouts with her daughter really heals her inner child :''') growing up, she spent a lot of time alone due to ruth's work, and as ruth became more distant, hazy, pressing about religion, as well as kept expanding on her hoarding, lee just became all the more closed off. she doesn't want her child to go through what she did. she wants her child to feel that lee is a present figure in her life, even though it gets hard sometimes with intense and active cases in the bureau. she also wants her child to feel listened to, and not pushed to do anything, whether that be a belief system, or accept a behaviour of lee's that she doesn't like and/or feels hurt by. she wants her daughter to have a say. and through giving this love, affection and attentiveness to her daughter, lee feels that even if she didn't get those things, at least she gets to give them to her kid. it also helps her realize ways in which she was neglected throughout her childhood, which sometimes results in her feeling overwhelmed after hanging with your guys' daughter, crying softly into your chest about it

she's literally so awkward with children, and it's def something she worried about at first, for she was scared that that she wouldn't connect well with her daughter. as a baby, sure, it was easy -- your kid didn't talk, so lee got to be as quiet as she wanted LMFAO. sometimes, if she was in a mood to ponder about something that happened in her day, or even discuss a case, she'd quietly talk to your baby about it. when you discovered this habit, you were totally endeared (duh), but also mildly concerned about lee discussing cases. she had just shrugged and said, "what? I don't give any details about them."

but, of course, things get a bit more tough when your daughter is getting older and begins to crave conversation. lee doesn't want her feeling neglected or ignored, so she tries her best to respond and ask questions. she just struggles a bit to communicate with someone so much younger, but she has good intentions at heart -- she finds it genuinely fascinating to witness your daughter growing up and developing interests, hobbies and personality traits. she loves seeing the little human she's turning into, and always feels herself growing fonder and fonder everyday of her child

and c'mon, your daughter is more than enamoured with her mom, lee. she knows lee is quiet, but lee's constant efforts are more than enough assurance of her determination to do right by and care for your kid, who totally feels it. she knows lee will give into anything she asks for hehe, as well as the fact that she can bring up anything with lee. anything hurting her, anything at all -- she knows lee will always listen and do her best to help

you totally find it attractive just how good lee is with your guys' daughter ofc, and you can't help but always take pride in the fact that this woman you chose, the mom to your daughter, is the kindest you could've asked for

[i-luvsang]

hihi :D. i'm back to do some crazy rants ig since i can't sleep :,). ig i'll just pick up where we left last time?

which is the hair colours! so i saw they dyed yunhos hair blue... AND THEY DID A MESSY JOB AT IT TOO? like in the idol radio pic you could still see a line of like blond hair?? i just know his hair is fried.. they should've kept it blonde urgh. also my neobong... apparently he told at a fansign his hair isn't finished yet? now, i have my theories! like 2 years ago yeo said he wanted to split dye his hair mint and pink. so that's what a lot of people are thinking, and that could be possible ig? but yk what i would love to see? GREEN AND BLACK!! like yk the billie eilish hairstyle with the green roots? OORRRR like the 'hidden' hairstyle where the top is like black and the 'hidden' part of his hair is green and he has like green bangs/fore pieces. i think they're gonna let the green fade tho. TALKING ABOUT NEO...

I'M PICKING UP WHERE I LEFT TALKING ABT GETTING INTO NCT. i am in love with taeyong!! LIKE OBSESSED!! DELUSIONAL OVER THIS MAN!! he's so so so fine!!! like tyong pls come home the kids miss you :(!!! my faves have not changed from last time ig, but i'll say my biases from each unit just bcs i can ig? nct 127 is obv taeyong!!! my nct dream bias is haechan and for wayv it's xiaojun. i'm not rlly counting in nct u bcs the line up is different each cb yk. and if u wanna count in djj it jaehyun, that man is so fine AHDHS. that's all i had to say abt kpop. i haven't rlly been keeping up with a lot of kpop content these days tbh, i've been watching criminal minds :)!

and since ik you have a blog for criminal minds etc i'll rant a bit abt cm here too? i'm at ssn 13 right now so i'm almost done :,). i just finished the eps where that annoying ass lady split up the bau and tried making changes and they secretly team up to catch this serial killer that kills these women and sells like the pics of it and they end up saving the daughter of this dude with a lot of power and he ends up funding the bau etc. i'm so excited to finish cm soon but also not? but i feel like it's kinda time too since i've been watching it for so long. i had to take breaks watching it bcs school and struggles with paranoia so it took me a long time to get back into it again. but now that i'm watching it again i'm so happy bcs i missed the show so much. i think that was my rant since i have nothing else going on rn, i'm a homebody who does nothing more than to sit in their room and watch kpop content, tv shows and read 😭 thank you for listening <3 — 🎧

hello !! you know i love the rants babe !!

i completely agree that they should have kept the blonde. i was excited when i thought they could have a new color but after concert pics with the blonde and the not so great dye job for the blue i'm wishing we could have kept the blonde too :,) but no for sure, he said something like being on the third bleach round or something like i'm crying for him rn akfhakjf

and YEAH NO BECAUSE I WAS TALKING ABT THIS WITH OTHER MOOTS AND- i really really like the idea of the mint green and pink bc like thats so fairy coded and hes so fairy coded and like i also def prefer a mint green to whats going on right now (tho its growing on me mostly bc yeosang just always looks so freaking good). and like i dont think i'd like the idea of the green and pink if it were the split dye like one side pink one side green but i feel like it was supposed to be the top of his hair being pink and the bottom green which could look so freaking good and adorable. BUT UHHH NOW THAT YOU MENTION THE GREEN AND BLACK, BABES THAT IS TOO GOOD you're a literal genius. they probably will just have it fade but i'm praying they do something like that with it sorry to your hair yeo LOL

I SEE I SEE taeyong is definitely a very easy man to simp over. yeah i never count nct u LOL fahfkjsdf but i see you ! i'm understanding, my sister is a haechan stan HAH i just love making fun of him its in my nature as a renjun lover. honestly i'm barely an nctzen anymore BUT i still enjoy dabbling in their content and convos about them like this from time to time it feels nostalgic and nice. i've always been more of a dreamie so i've been passing through neotown more lately with their comeback approaching.

oH MY GOD CRIMINAL MINDSSS my comfort show fr AHAHAH i'm a little crazy. fun fact emily prentiss is my gay awakening !! i'm actually rewatching it rn i'm still on ssn 10 tho lol. ngl i only vaguely remember that ep rn i will be reminded when i get to it LOL. i get you tho omg like it's so long and it's exciting to get through esp if you've had to take breaks like that so valid !! but also i never want my favorite things to end LOL but i mean here i am rewatching it so it's not a huge deal anymore khfkajsd i'm glad you've felt happy watching it tho !! that's awesome.

but babe you are literally me that is legit also the only thing i do, we are twinsies fr. you're welcome for listening and ty for sending it in !! you know i love to hear from you <333

[zerobaseonefics]

i am so so sorry for not being active here but i had a lot of stress because of university shit etc (i still do but not as much as i did last week) (and this week)

you should adopt me as a sister frfr!!

yes about hanbin: he said that you both are already planning the wedding??? you should have told me… #betrayed

and i took my nails off (if thats how you say it😟) and they were no and i had to cut my natural long nails 😔😔

no cuz i lost a lot money now on enhypen albums (i love them sm wtf its so sudden but after i found out that they were in poland (i found out sbout this during they were there) my enhypen fangirl era came back and yk i bought the dark blood album i dont remmeber what version but its dark blue and i pulled sunghoon and sunoo(AGAIN) but i wanted heeseung and jake #depressed (i got jay post card tho) and i csnt find people who sell the original photocards☹️ LIKE GIRL IM ABOUT TO GO CRAZY ABOUT HEEJAYKE LIKE OMFG NOOO NAHH WTF WHAT::;;;;::;;:::&&&&

how did the macarons taste like (good bad mid) ?!??,,? i will buy you a whole macarons factory just so you csn eat them everyday for free 😋😋

DONT CALL ME A ROOKIE!! its the first time it happened (taking a nap and then not being able to sleep again) like i take naps almost everyday because they are so lovely😔😔 but yes no school no university no anything for a long time😋 (just work) (like 20€ per week) (im teaching 2 people english so not a real job tho)

anyway my brother (6 months old) (literally 18 years age difference💀) is so annoying but so cute like bro i hate him sometimes and then day after i love him the most😐😐😐

oh and my hesrt was broken by a guy… he has the same name as i do (unisex name) we were 8-9 years at the same school and he had a crush on me 5 years ago but i didnt have a cursh on him back then so i told him that we are just friends and now since 2-3 years i started to have a crush on him but now i found out that he has a crush on deomeone else (this is mainly the reason why im so delulu rn) (i was always delulu but this is literally getting so out of hand) i also started kind of disliking zb1 i mean not that i dont like them anymore its just im not keeping up with their content now as much as i did like bro my ult groups are always changing (once it was shinee then svt then got7 then nct then gidle then enhypen then txt then svt again then treasure then zb1 and xikers and now its new jeans, le sserafim, xikers, ateez and enhypen (just that i dont keep up eith xikers and ateez content that much)😐😐😐😐 get me some help like i literally love them for a time then lose interesy in them and find another group and then its repeating all the time ykyk omg im so no

i understand bro i went through it myself so don't worry 😭 how's it going? i have no idea how you choose your college in germany so if you wanna talk abt it i'm interested 🤭 hope you'll be able to go wherever you want

bitch you're already adopted ‼️ i've always wanted a little sister

yk i didnt know how to tell you this cuz i'm a bit shy..... but he told you now so you know!! i'm not fully a betrayer!!

OH THEY WERE NATURAL??? the length was so pretty i thought it was not. it's a shame you had to cut it

enha have me on a chokehold fr this cb pure you don't understand 😀 they're also my ult but i've been not keeping up as much as before with their content. this album was just soooo good and now i'm in this enhypen shit forever bro like that's it they got my interest back

nOOOOOO 💔 BRO IM SURE YOU'LL FIND PPL WITH THE ORIGINAL IT'S A BIG GROUP IT'S EASIER

girl the macarons were awful. too sugary (i should've expect this from algeria they love getting diabetes...) </3 i felt like i was eating blocks of sugar there was no other taste i wanted to cry ok. waiting for you to buy me a macaron factory or else im gonna have to marry someone who makes them properly.

this may seem like 'not a real job' but even this is very important on your resume when you'll look for work later! it's still a great experience

that's every little brothers 🙏🏼 i have two and there's days i wanna crush them to the ground and days i wanna give them everything </3 but the age difference between you two is so big!! you know what's cool about that? you can design that kid 🤭 you can teach him how to be a good person, give him good taste, everything! that's the best thing about younger siblings

hE HAS ANOTHER CRUSH NOW?? HOW COULD HE MOVE ON FROM THE PURE??? nah he has no idea what he's missing rn 👹 don't be heartbroken over... a man 😧 okay?? move on too >:( he's no heejake >:(

ABOUT THE ULT THING. i have no idea how ppl keep the same ult for such a long time like.... i mean mine are pretty much stable too but yk there's time where you lost interest as you get into a new group. i always end up coming back to my ult but there are period yk. when i see people holding fanbases for example i'm amazed cuz how do you diligently wake up everyday and do everything about one and onlY ONE GROUP??? AREN'T YOU TIRED??? AREN'T YOU FED UP WITH THEM AT SOME POINT???

plus my problem is i'm here for the music only 🙏🏼 i don't like the music my ult put out? honestly i'm not hyping the comeback or anything. my older sister listens to kpop and fr no matter if the song's good or not she votes on every music show, she streams the song, eveRYTHING. i don't even do all that when i like the song tbh... i think it's funny to see how everyone has a different way of stanning