#it's been awhile. I kinda miss being here on tumblr

[1eyedstar]

lol yes I just came back online just cause I noticed the boop feature today/reblogging stuff about it 🤭🥺

Im definitely having fun booping my mutuals and other users too!

[bigskydreaming]

So, been awhile! Apologies for that - took a step back from most social media sites for a few months because the accumulated stresses and everpresent urgency to most things I've been dealing with for the past five plus years finally caught up with me and I kinda just....crashed, and needed some time to get my head on straight. Or whatever the non-obvious-pun version of that might be for a Known Bisexual. Everything was getting to be too constantly 'stop and go' for me, if that makes sense.....like I'd TRY to be more present on here, TRY to work on things like my patreon and fic and meta and stuff like that because I've really wanted to get back to creating actual stuff that people enjoy instead of being like My Issues: The Latest Installment and the like, but then something else would crop up and kill my momentum before it even really got going and I'd have to duck away yet again, and rinse and repeat.

HENCE! I took a more dedicated, extended leave to try and get into a headspace and build a buffer that better lends itself to me getting back to the kinds of posting/writing conditions I've thrived under in the past. It took longer than I thought, but I've never been good at accurately estimating things lol. I've still been on twitter somewhat sporadically, since a huge part of why I hate that site is its format makes it all but impossible to really get to ranting at length...y'know, as I do, my tried and true time-suck method of procrastinating...and with everything going on in the world these days I didn't want to disconnect entirely even though I did need time to work through some shit. BUT I DIGRESS.

Point is, felt like I needed something more substantial than the optimistic-but-lacking-in-actual-energy-and-planning measures I've attempted in the past couple years in order to get on top of things and achieve a measure of consistency and stability again. Less shooting for the moon because I just WANT to be back to my older, happier/more content patterns, more....putting some actual time and thought into how I can realistically make that happen instead of just trying to will it into existence through sheer stubbornness. Because obviously, THAT always works.

ANYWAY. It'll still be a couple days before I get back to regular posting/reblogging patterns or much of any of that at all.....don't be confused if you see some blink and you miss them temporary posts from me over the next day or two. I'm testing out the formatting and layout of a bunch of posts and graphics made for my patreon and original fiction stuff, since the preview post function doesn't always work with read mores in a post and they're all gonna need that lol. If anyone's up for it, I am finalizing the price/reward tiers of my patreon and could use some thoughts on the different levels - I think I have them mostly figured out but wouldn't mind some additional perspectives on how I broke things down and if I'm missing some alternatives. Just message me directly if you'd like to weigh in or lend me your thoughts!

I've never wanted my tumblr to be all about fic or just original content or anything like that, so the patreon's meant to kinda keep all that separate beyond just generalized update announcements on here. The blog will remain just a regular multi-purpose smorgasboard of my reblogs and thoughts on other posts and meta about my various fandoms and all that jazz. The patreon discord will have spaces having to do with my various fanfics, but they'll never be exclusive to it in any way, and every fic update I make will still be on my blog same as always. I've been building masterlists of all my Dick Grayson meta and all my Teen Wolf meta, as well as headcanons and writing snippets/scenes that never got posted elsewhere because I didn't consider them full fics, and I'm starting a series of posts that lean directly into my tendencies to be an Overly Opinionated Asshole who - historically speaking - has never been, uh, shy, shall we say, about Having Thoughts about various fandom patterns or trends.

So....look out for the upcoming "Kalen Vs Fandoms" post series. What? It sounded catchy to me. First up:

"Fandoms' tendency to pick one character per fandom to have every other character introduce as the dumbest person they've ever met, but no its okay, they're actually really fond of them and universally defaulting to a judgmental or patronizing shot at their intelligence every single time they're the topic of conversation among other characters just naturally happens to be part of every single other character's love language - is this perhaps NOT as endearing or affectionate as fandoms tend to treat it as?" Aka "How many people can actually say they'd be comfortable with the idea of every single person in their family or friend group leading with "I genuinely think they're stupid but I love them anyway" each time they talk about them to someone else, and if you don't think that's a normal conversation starter for people to have about a loved one, why do so many fandoms attempt to treat it as such?"

.....the length of post title should not be taken as an indicator of how long each post is. If people want to draw their own conclusions about post length based solely on the fact that they're, well, by me.....I mean. That's totally your prerogative. Nothing I can do about that!

Post topics will run the gamut, if for no other reason than gamut is an amazing word that doesn't get used enough and I wanted to use it. From "Its totally valid to project onto characters and use fic as a way to work through various issues via that projection but how much does this have to do with how defensively people react to the slighest criticism of character choices in their fics as though personally attacked - discuss" to "Criticizing and condemning the writers of source material for specific things - to rave reviews from followers - only to then do the exact same specific things in your own fics - to rave reviews from followers - while claiming that the mere fact of being a fan not getting paid for writing those specific things somehow makes them less worthy of criticism.....are we all seeing the problem here."

There's a slight chance those titles are perhaps....somewhat unnecessarily asshole-coded, but like, in a whimsical way! I think. Whatever. I'm sure it'll be fine!

Will either rhyme OR reason be involved in the order of post topics? No. Not even a little bit. Next question.

Aside from "Kalen vs Fandoms" I've been putting a lot of thought into what other topics or content I can expound upon at length, to the possible interest of people. I'm good at writing and editing and analyzing narratives. Not claiming to be the best, just not trying to fish for compliments or anything. I think my analysis of narrative and character choices has generally been of interest in most fandoms I've been in, but when I'm IN a fandom, I do personally invest in favorite characters and stories that inevitably put me in opposition to takes from fans of other characters and stories within that fandom, and when that happens, the Horseman of Discourse inevitably follows and I....do the discourse. Look, I am who I am. I see the discourse, I engage with the discourse. Unless I don't care about the topic of discourse, in which case I don't, because that discourse doesn't matter. Obviously.

SO! In the interest of posting about narrative analysis and breakdowns of writing choices, character arcs and the like but WITHOUT engaging in The Discourse, I'll be making an easy-to-find post of fandoms or source material whose characters and narratives I'm familiar enough with TO have opinions or analysises of, but for whatever reason, the fandom has never clicked for me and I've never actually felt a desire to be part of it. Thus I'm not likely to be invested or compelled enough to follow up on anyone disagreeing with my personal thoughts or analysis or various character arcs or narratives, because its literally just like, my opinion man, presented for no other purpose than to potentially be of interest to anyone who might be interested in it. No actual follow up needed on my part because I'm not particularly chuffed if people have different takes, they're totally valid, mine don't exist for the purpose of being defended there, they just exist because Opinions, I Had Them, Here Look. Or Don't. Its Totally Whatever.

Because I don't feel as strongly about these pieces of media as I do fandoms I'm personally invested in, it is trickier to come up with a comprehensive list of ones I can weigh in on. So please feel free to hit up my inbox with any fandoms, narrative or character arcs you're curious about my take on, and I'll let you know if they're fandoms I consider myself a participant in, and thus not really right for this series, or if they're something I'm just not knowledgeable about.....but if they're not an actual fandom of mine and I AM familiar enough with them to have an analytical take or response, I'll add them to the masterlist/post as a potential topic.

This series will be called and tagged "Kalen Vs Writing Choices" (That I Personally Don't Like Or Think Could Be Better). The parenthetical part is there solely to be a disclaimer clarifying that my ego is not so great that I think that My Subjective Take on the writing choices made or not made is the only one that matters. I mean, I don't intend to include the disclaimer as part of the actual tag and will mostly leave it as y'know, like, something IMPLIED, but the disclaimer still exists and thus counts. That's totally how that works.

And that's how I've chosen to awkwardly segue into the final intended-of-three post series.....Dramatically Abrupt Tonal Shift Ahoy!

This next part will get long, but I would truly appreciate it if you gave it a read despite its length and even if - especially if - the next topic isn't one you typically look for my take on, or even avoid my take on, because I don't think I'm likely to ever express my thoughts on this matter any more genuinely or directly than this. Like I'm not trying to guilt anyone or anything like that, its more I'm just trying to say if you ever read ANY single post of mine when it comes to the next topic or pick a post to base your decision on whether or not TO wade into something I have to say on this subject, I would appreciate it if you made that this next part here, as I think it best conveys where I'm coming from when it comes to most any post I make along these lines.

So. The thing is....most people who've followed me long know that in the past I've frequently been extremely vocal on topics of rape, incest and abuse, specifically through the lens of being a male survivor. These absolutely are personal for me. This has led to me having a lot of Overly Opinionated Takes on these topics and how they're talked about, depicted and treated within fandom conversations, fics, and social media spheres and conversations at large. I've also pretty obviously not posted on these topics nearly as much in recent years as I once did - but not because I feel any less strongly about them.

And that's one hundred percent because it's frustrating as hell to see a very good portion of the posts I make about any OTHER topic in my usual fandoms go on to accumulate hundreds of notes....while NONE of my posts on these topics ever break out of my direct circle of mutuals. I don't say it to be egotistical - look how many notes I get on stuff - I say it because its literally objectively factual, and the disparity is dramatic, and the disparity is a PROBLEM. Especially given how much the topics of male rape and abuse - in SPECIFIC - tend to be, within most of my past fandoms.

This disparity has a very clear reason for existing too: people have never been shy about citing that they refrain from reblogging or referencing my posts on these topics because they feel like I act like I'm the only opinion that matters on them, the sole authority to be listened to here, that I use my status as a male rape survivor as a cudgel, to shut down opposing takes or points of view.

Which I would totally be fine with or understand if not for the fact that I've always gone out of my way to express that I don't want or expect my opinions on these matters to be taken as anything other than my personal opinions born of my personal experiences, which I cite because they're relevant. I don't think that survivors should have to disclose their status or personal history or details in order to have their opinion heard on these topics, but I deeply resent how often survivors making the choice TO disclose their personal history or relationship with these topics in order to directly unpack how that informs our perspective....is weaponized AGAINST us, in order to shut down and discredit OUR takes even while literally accusing us of only disclosing in order to do the exact same thing to others.

Something that I've posted about a LOT in the hopes of getting it spread throughout fandoms that regularly talk about male rape is for literal decades I've seen people harp on about how men can be raped too, believe male survivors, don't believe the myth that men can't be raped, etc. Which like, I appreciate the sentiment, but the thing I've tried to express for years is that in my personal experience, and those of a lot of other male survivors I've talked to - this is not really the biggest or even ONE of the biggest issues most male survivors face.

And the fact that for all that there are many survivors in fandom who have made the difficult choice to be open about their traumas and recoveries - which I ALWAYS respect, as that is never easy for any of us - a huge part of why I've always made a point to disclose my own history as a male survivor is because there just flat out aren't a lot of perspectives from MALE survivors in specific, being circulated in pretty much any of the fandom spaces I've ever been in over the past twenty years. I don't even slightly think I'm any more of an expert or authority on topics of rape or abuse - beyond how they pertain to my own personal experiences - than any other survivor. But as long as the topic of MALE rape and abuse in specific, how men are affected by these things, how society reacts to us and treats us in the aftermath....as long as these are the topics explicitly being discussed.....I do think my perspective as a male survivor is pretty fucking relevant, and admittedly, I tend to get pretty heated about pushing BACK against attempts to invalidate it or shout it down as though I somehow have LESS of a stake in or right to be heard in these particular conversations. And I get how this has at times come across as attempting to dominate a given conversation.

But like.....I'm also going to point back up to the part where I said earlier....I'm an Overly Opinionated Asshole. I say it somewhat deprecatingly, for the lulz, but also not. I'm very passionate about conversations and topics I feel strongly about and I don't make apologies for it. And for the most part....this has NEVER stopped people from reblogging or liking posts I make about pretty much any other topic....despite me not really coming across that differently in most of them, compared to how I come across in most of my past posts on topics of rape and abuse.

See....I'm in complete agreement with everyone who emphasizes that rape isn't a gendered issue. That it can and does happen to individuals of any gender or identity. But the reason why I've always found the focus on 'remember that men can be raped too' more performative than helpful is because for almost twenty years, I've been posting on these topics in various fandom spaces and trying to express that in my personal experience, something that REALLY deserves to be talked about more is the fact that rape is not gendered. But rape CULTURE very much IS.

Like it or not, we live in a very gendered society still. While yes, men can be raped too.....for a number of reasons - most of them born of sexism and misogyny in specific - the conditions, catalysts and reasons for men being raped are NOT interchangeable with those at work in instances of women being raped, as an example. Because the way society treats men and women in pretty much EVERY situation is different. Similarly, the way society REACTS to men and women disclosing they've been raped is different. And so on and so on.

So 'remember that men can be raped too' has some basis in societal claims that men can't be raped or that rape IS a gendered issue....but not as much as I think most people tend to believe. And twenty years after I first started searching out perspectives of other male survivors in online fandom spaces, beyond just real world physical support groups, I'm STILL hearing 'remember that men can be raped too' dominating all conversations about male survivors just as regularly and repetitiously as it was twenty years ago....as though the world has not changed at all, and the needle on this particular facet of male survivorhood hasn't changed an inch in the past two decades when no, actually, it very much has.

The reason why I feel so strongly about offering up my perspective as a male survivor in a relative absence of seeing other male survivors' perspectives circulated is I honestly believe the reason this is so consistently upheld as the biggest problem facing male survivors is its a carry-over from women attempting to be heard and believed when disclosing....which makes sense and is completely understandable....as long as there's a complete absence of male survivors offering up any perspective that's to the contrary.

But the fact that we live in a gendered society where rape culture, not rape itself, still very much IS gendered due to being a product of....living in a gendered society....means that the differences in how society treats and reacts to men and women affects every aspect of how society treats and reacts to men and women survivors. And that starts with disclosure itself. In my personal experience - and fully acknowledging that I don't speak for any other male survivor in this moment, and I absolutely do believe there are those who have experiences to the contrary, and that matters too - MY experience, which also matters, is that not once in the twenty years since I've started disclosing about my own rape, or the csa I experienced as a child - have I actually had an issue being believed.

With full acknowledgment of how unfair it is, how gross, the reality of living in a sexist, patriarchal society where male privilege very much exists, is that while men can be raped too, this traumatic thing that happened to us does not in any way actually invalidate or negate our male privilege. It doesn't turn it off for the duration of our experience or any time its relevant to our experiences going forward. We carry that privilege with us through our recoveries and the rest of our lives just as much as we did before it, because its an inalienable result of being in a society that allocates privilege solely on the basis of being born a man who identifies and presents as a cis man (with respect to trans individuals having another axis of experience that very much differentiates all matters pertaining to rape culture, in comparison to cis men, just as much as in the case of cis women, albeit in different ways).

And the gross unfortunate reality of our society is that it ALWAYS prioritizes believing men over women, in all matters......especially cis white men like myself.

So the simple fact is....even the act of disclosure - and the likelihood of being believed when voluntarily choosing to share the information that we've been raped - means that a cis white man like myself does not receive the same reaction as most women receive when attempting to share that same information. Society preconditions a lot of people to be more receptive to taking cis white men at their word, comparative to affording anyone else that basic respect.

Getting people to believe me when I say I was raped has never been the issue for me that other individuals face.

But that doesn't mean that my disclosure doesn't result in issues for me.

Because while being raped never invalidated or negated any of my cis white male privilege, neither did having cis white male privilege negate the possibility of me being raped - OR the fact that society ALSO preconditions people to be really fucking shitty about survivors.

(Hell, ANY kind of living victim....with this also being very relevant to abuse survivors, survivors of physical assault, etc. Much like people can be overflowing with empathy for unborn children who can't offer up any take to the contrary to whatever people want to say "in defense or support of unborn children," only to turn around and cease caring about most of those babies the second they're born, people tend to be just as overflowing with empathy for deceased victims of abuse, rape, assault and the like....who, y'know, also can't offer up any take to the contrary of whatever they say or claim about what they WOULD want, what they DO deserve, etc. Present those same people with a living child or a living victim who can and DOES have an opinion that doesn't match what those people feel it SHOULD be? Watch attitudes shift VERY quickly, as allllll that empathy hurriedly flushes down the drain as though it was never there).

But the point is, my cis white male privilege is always here regardless. But that doesn't mean rape culture isn't shitty enough that it can't find a way to circumvent even that in pursuit of discrediting/invalidating/ignoring survivors, just like that privilege can be circumvented in order to create the situation where a man is raped in the first place.

Its just....the gendered nature of rape culture means HOW those attempts to discredit/invalidate/ignore male survivors manifests.....doesn't look the same as when it leads to just outright disbelieving other survivors when they attempt to disclose.

And that is how I can be listened to and reblogged on most any other topic, no matter HOW I go about presenting myself in those posts or conversations - ironically in no small part BECAUSE of my cis white male privilege - while only getting crickets when I post on these topics, BECAUSE people only choose THOSE posts to make my presentation or level of intensity a dealbreaker, and thus their very reason for ignoring anything I have to say there. Not because they don't believe me, but because the WAY I say it is too aggressive, too biased, too emotional, too intense....its an attack on their autonomy, an attempt to override whatever they previously thought or believed about the subject and just force them to adhere to my take.

Because the thing about living in a sexist, patriarchal society is.....that IS a thing that cis white men often do, and a lot of society is structured to make it easier for us to achieve this in most instances, frankly. This just happens to be a rare exception, because for a lot of reasons that would make this post even longer - and that again, I've often posted about before - upholding and reinforcing rape culture on a society wide level supersedes the usual focus on accommodating INDIVIDUAL cis white men in having their opinions heard and circulated.

I'm trying to be as frank as possible here about the intersection of privilege and experiences of being a male survivor because I don't believe its to anyone's benefit to be disingenuous about it, and I do think that it doesn't actually supplant the fact that male survivors do have just as much right - and NEED - to be heard and listened to about our experiences with rape and perspective there, and have those ACKNOWLEDGED, as anyone else.

Its just....the existence of privilege and how that differentiates most experiences in a gendered society matters, and thus.....it needs to be part of the conversation rather than just treating all responses to rape and survivors as agendered, just because rape itself can and does happen to people of all genders.

There's actually a fair amount to get into when it comes to differences in a lot of mens' disclosures vs womens' in my experience, but just as an extension of what I'm talking about here, one of the specific elements in my experience is that men often don't have a problem being believed about having been raped or abused.....but one of the predominant responses is society is heavily preconditioned to view male rape and abuse survivors as almost inevitably feeling they need to exert a similar power over someone else in order to claim back their own feelings of pride and safety in their masculinity. Effectively.....most every male rape or abuse survivor I've ever talked with at length shares a similar experience of being believed when they disclose about being a survivor....but noting a clear and direct shift in how whomever they disclosed to interacts with them....with EVERY expression of anger or outrage - particularly in the matter of their rape or abuse - being viewed as evidence of us being ticking time bombs who are inevitably primed to explode and take out what happened to us on someone else.

There's being cautious around cis white men, for example, because we're cis white men, which I totally get and am not expressing an opinion on. I'm just saying even with that acknowledged, there is a SHIFT in how people interact with me after I've disclosed to them personally, in how they....scrutinize me, for lack of a better way of putting it, in very noticeable ways and areas. Like its consistent. And think about how its not totally true that media doesn't portray men as being capable of being raped or abused, typically. Think about how often you've seen procedurals where the backstory of the rapist or abuser of the week is specifically THAT they were a rape or abuse survivor themselves, usually in childhood. Its NOT that society doesn't believe or accept that men can be raped too. Its that society is primed to default to viewing the very act of men being raped as an indicator of the shift from them being a man to being a man who is likely to become a predator themselves.

Rape appears all the time in regards to male survivors in media. Its just it usually just appears in the context of men who arent presented AS survivors, but rather as predators or aggressors themselves, and their past victimization treated as a catalyst rather than a trauma. This is not to excuse any such character or depiction of course, its simply to emphasize that the very angle from which male survivorhood is approached in most contexts is different from that of other survivors. Just like the angle from which their survivorhood is approached is different from that of male survivors. And thus the issue most men have with disclosing in my experience is NOT that we're afraid we won't be believed....its that we're afraid once we disclose, we'll be viewed as inherently more dangerous because our victimization primes us to be that much more likely to inflict ourselves on others in some attempt to reclaim our masculinity.

And its categorically NOT about any group of survivors having it better or worse than others, which is why I LOATHE people saying variations of 'you wouldn't say that about this if it happened to a woman' because anyone attempting to pit male survivors against other survivors en masse is NOT doing so for my benefit or with my endorsement. The point is just that each way society and rape culture interacts with a different group of survivors presents different problems and issues that need addressing, and aren't interchangeable.

There is a REASON why the subject of Dick Grayson's anger - usually in the context of things that have happened to him - is so important to me, specifically in terms of ensuring that its treated as something he's allowed to have....rather than an indicator that he's going to messily explode his life in a way that impacts everyone around him negatively.

Now.....if you've never considered that aspect of rape vs rape culture and how it can differently affect and shape the experiences and recovery of cis male survivors versus trans male survivors and nonbinary survivors and survivors who identify as women.....I ask that you consider what else my perspective might be able to add to actually productive, meaningful conversations about rape, rape culture and survivorhood, that you never would have thought TO think about before, without male survivors bringing it up based on it having played a role in personal experiences.

And then I just ask that you please think about the implications of someone known for being a vocal presence in certain fandoms, with a fairly sizable number of posts widely circulating throughout them......never having posts about male rape and survivorhood circulated to any noticeable degree, despite writing DOZENS of them, in all kinds of different moods, ways and intensity levels.....and all of them while active in fandoms where male rape is regularly discussed or focused on due to certain characters or storylines......and ask yourselves if it maybe seems a little off for the disparity to be THAT large. Again: I have written DOZENS of posts on this topic. All with less than twenty notes. I'll be composing a masterlist of them in the near future as well, but for now I'm just saying. Please just think about that.

While I'm going to make an effort to be more deliberate in how I approach this topic in posts going forward, tonally and in terms of word choice, I do have a right to be just as passionate about it as any other topic, and it is FUCKED UP to think that my personal experiences here should be pointed to as the very REASON I should need to be LESS passionate than I am anywhere else, in order to be heard or listened to. Still. I am not actually trying to override anyone else's viewpoint, present myself as some kind of ultimate authority, or shut down other survivors in any way....I'm just trying to uphold the relevancy and importance of adding my own perspective to the conversation.

I don't want to be the only voice listened to here. But as long as my voice is relevant, and I don't see or hear a lot of other voices speaking from a similar standpoint, I would like to be a RESOURCE on topics of male survivorhood, rape and recovery, from that particular standpoint. And even if and when other male survivors might perchance add their own perspectives with experiences and takes contrary to mine....I welcome that! Because mine is not the only one, cis white male survivors are no more a monolith than anyone else, and none of that will in any way actually invalidate my own perspective or experiences or render them no longer relevant at all.

Being a resource on a topic that has always been everpresent in most fandoms I've gravitated to - which has often been a reason FOR me gravitating to those fandoms in specific.....that has always been my ONLY goal with these kinds of posts. NOT an authority.

So, having my posts - which for all my willingness to write them, has never been easy for me and probably never will - reframed in such a negative way, dismissed and even weaponized against me - has over the years demoralized me and made it harder to find the energy TO tackle these topics, as much as I'd like to. But I do feel that I've found a second wind when it comes to this and think I'm ready to wade back into being Overly Opinionated on these topics as well.

So that's the third of the three post series I'll be starting, "Kalen vs Topics of Rape, Rape Culture and Survivorhood As Perceived Through A Singular Personalized Cis White Male Lens, Presented By (and With) My Middle Finger At Any Attempts to Subvert Or Undermine My Thoughts On Them By Reframing Them As Me Trying To Gatekeep Male Survivorhood No Matter How Many Times I Use The Words IN MY EXPERIENCE or IN MY OPINION, Which I Do A Lot, Because This Has Been Happening For A Very Long Time, And I Am Tired, But Still Very Opinionated, And Still Very Here, So Bite Me I Guess."

.....I'm still workshopping that one's title. Its a process.

ANYWAY. At the moment, I'm aiming to make one post of each once a month, and if I do more than that great, but not trying to pressure myself to do any more than that at the moment in the interests of Realism. We'll play it by ear. If I have more free time or energy than expected, maybe I'll do more. Its not like I have a shortage of Very Opinionated Opinions, after all. You've met me.

BUT I DIGRESS.

So in the interest of not making this long ass post any fucking longer, not that anyone really expected otherwise from my first post back in months, like could I REALLY even claim to ACTUALLY be back if all I had to show for it was some weak little lackluster drabble that wasn't even 3,000 words? Methinks the fuck not -

Well, have an abrupt and anticlimactic finish that comes out of nowhere despite giving myself literally 4,900 words to build to something appropriately profound or meaningful or whatthefuckever. Y'know. Your standard Kalen Classic. The abrupt and anticlimactic wrap up I mean, not the profound and deeply meaningful one. Eh. You get it.

Did ya miss me? I missed you!

PS - I was Informed that we are almost to the end of Tommy T's Tenure, is it almost safe to come back to Nightwing comics? Does anyone know when his last issue is? Have we planned the party yet? Who's on balloons, we definitely need balloons.

[ntls-24722]

I was thinking about @/artastic-friend's tags on my Comet post, and, first off thank you it was really sweet, but I had also realized that I wasn't even on tumblr to show the REEEAAALLY early designs of Comet, so here they are!

Comet had gone through a lot of changes, the most important one being... not looking exactly like DJMM! Comet originally looked exactly like DJMM since a good 80% of her body used to actually be mechanical, and her organism part was... very minimal and degenerate. But I very quickly found that lame - what's the pizzazz in being ~secretly a manmade organism~ if most of you is still mechanical anyway? I found an old picture of her transition from this (i apologize for the low quality, but much of the old sketches are super smudged n junk.) She still had motors and but much more of her internals filled up the plastic exoskeleton's empty space.

A detail i had actually forgotten now that I read back through old messages and pictures is that she used to be compatible with eating/drinking gasoline AND actual food? She had microbes that could eat it in her stomach and then she'd eat THOSE microbes like a cow??? that was kinda sick, past me, good job.

Comet's actual face being striped originated from her bony skeleton being full of bigbig holes (shown below, left) - they were meant to just be the frame for the plastic cover, but when the mechanical parts were taken out the holes condensed into stripes (shown below, right), partially being inspired from this Clownsuu post (AUGH ITS SO COOOOOL)

The 10 eyes thing stuck because it was like... representative of her kids' souls being infused with hers after she unknowingly ingested them after brain surgery?

She didn't like, pick them up and start chowing on her own children like you would with a bunch of dry cereal - in order to make the Comets less resource-needy the Oort Cloud would give some of the remnant they produced back to them? When Comet found out where it came from and where one of her missing kids went, she refused to eat or sleep at all until she almost died of exhaustion and finally went unconcious. The Oort Cloud took advantage of the fact she was finally not resisting and did the surgery as she slept. She didn't remember anything when she woke up and... ate for the first time in awhile not knowing what was in it, or that she even had kids in the first place.

Making the surgery easier is actually why the side of her head in this picture is exposed and Boneless (in some pictures there's actually huge stitches on there, too) but i realized that any behavioral disruptions would be directed to the frontal lobe, and that's why Modern comet actually has this little plate right between her eyes - that plate of exoskeleton is actually slightly loose and you can take it off n put it right back on for the least amount of scarring. It's also why Luz and Zoey don't have it.

For some reason I chose a marching band theme for her, maybe to cover up her skeleton-y Beneathness, and that is what made her into the star-spangled DJMM we know today. I chose a space-y theme since the Plex is.... somewhat space themed? Not entirely sure why but I'm glad I did it. She was intially accented with minty blue rather than the bold one she is now. This is where she also got her name, though it was initially "Comet Music Man."

She used to, temporarily, also have a 4 pairs of antennae coming from her wrists. I took it out cuz i couldn't find a reason for them

Comet wasn't based on any particular spider BUT there was the initial concept of having her be based off of the mirror spider and have a.... disco ball butt (you can kinda see it in the skeleton face pic) But in another universe, She could've been a spiny orb weaver, or a scorpion-tailed spider.

I did sometimes COMPLETELY go south with how her Beneath would look like in favor of a soft, fleshy interior, and I made...this! I hated it and I'm forever glad I didn't decide to go with this! jesus christ!

There were also the origins of the little harpoons - I had a headcanon that DJMM has little pedipalps on the inside of his mouth that looked like little STAFFbot hands and that got integrated with Comet, too

Alsoalso: the Neck

Couldn't figure out how to do it for a long time, since it's long and dragon-y and flexible and curvy, which is why half of it was exposed skin for awhile. In this outdated organ diagram i actually made the neck a bunch of layered "bowls" like one of those rainbow slug toys (not that you can.... see much of it lol) (also old sona jumpscare HOOH)

There's probably more considering Comet is now a year old and also her entire universe and story got REALLY derailed from a oneshot self-insert fic that i never even finished (the contents of which actually are why Comet and Fritz live where they are, in some abandoned factory - it was Fritz and DJMM's hideout) (also, Fritz predates Comet by a lot) because i thought WAYYYYY tooo hard about the implications of DJ Music Man, the giant spider, being alive

("what are you? are you a species or were you created? for what? By who? why are you pretending to be a robot? Are you pretending? What do you eat, and what's feeding you? Do you need to? Why do you have to be alive, and not an animatronic like everything else?) (also technically Bighand is just the alternate and anticlimatic version where he's just like "yeah I'm alive and I just work here") (both leave bc it sucks)

bonus patch notes that I couldn't cover:

neck became attached further up the head instead of below the jaw because keeping it the way it was was... not good

ALL of her became metallic-looking

She went from being a mirror spider to a sparklemuffin spider because of the coincidence that those spiders had the same yellow stripes from their eyes as she does.

The antennae became just 1 pair because the fact she had 2 pairs was also unnecessary

She used to have 2 little flesh strands from her top jaw and bottom jaw. They served no purpose only to get in the way of things so I got rid of them.

Her dewlap used to have music notes, stars, and lines

The tongue went from being thick n long to being flat and rounded. Fits in the mouth better

[myonedream]

⋆⋆‧̍̊ ·̊ ~⋆ ✦ ⋆~ ·̊ ‧̍̊ ‧̍̊ ·̊ ~⋆ ☾ ⋆~ ·̊ ‧̍̊ ‧̍̊ ·̊ ~⋆ ✦ ⋆~ ·̊ ‧̍̊⋆⋆

“That’s My Good Boy.”

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✦ ⋆DNI Minors & Ageless Blogs⋆ ✦

A/N ~ Hello loves! If you don’t already know, this is my first fic on here! My name is L (more on me in my pinned post if interested), I’ve been on Tumblr for 10 years and writing in general for even longer so I’m definitely not new to either, though I’ve never written smut before so this is my first time for that. I really wanted to write this fic in particular as it’s something that plagues my mind every since this -> post/ask from @napofamoon. Even though now I made this about Hyuka hehe (tbh imagined it as him every time I read it after reading it the second time because he just gives me giant puppy vibes). I did use the ear thing here as well so credit to anon for that! This fic is actually the inspo to start this blog, along with the amazing TXT smut community on here that I’ve been secretly following for awhile. And I have to admit, this is quite self indulgent so… guess y’all caught me in 4K 😂. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it regardless and please let me know of any errors/thoughts you have! I know I’ve read this like 9 times and I think it’s pretty good, but I’m still nervous that there are some errors and y’all might not like it. Especially since it’s hybrid smut. But I don’t think there are any errors and I truly do like it, I just got hella anxiety so y’know. But enough of my rambles and happy reading :)

CW ~ Idol Wolf Hybrid!Hueningkai x afab!reader (not specified as a girl), Subby Top!Kai, breeding kink and a lot of it, creampie (remember this is just fantasy so don’t be silly, wrap ya willy), praise, uses of names such as Pup, Baby, Master & Mommy, definitely a petite reader so size kink for sure (he kinda manhandles her even though not intentionally cause he’s just a big ol’ puppy at the end of the day :(), pantie stealing, good bit of dirty talk, some pretty soft moments, consent is sexy type vibes, choking, biting, cockwarming at the very end, boy lowkey desperate and a bit of a perv. If I missed something, let me know!

~⋆ ✦ ⋆~Smut Under Cut!~⋆ ✦ ⋆~

You’ve known Kai for a long time, having met when you both were 6 years old so him being a hybrid was never a secret to you. It was basically his opening line when he approached you during recess, barking at you and exclaiming that he had a tail, which he then promptly showcased. Being so young, you found it incredibly interesting and because you desperately wanted a dog more than anything when he asked if you wanted to be his master you of course said yes! Unbeknownst to you all that entailed, and how different a wolf, especially a wolf hybrid, was from an actual dog. But you didn’t care because your friendless and petless self basically now had both!

So for years you remained his master and as time went on you began to realize how big of a job it actually was. You didn’t even know how big of a deal having a master in the hybrid community was until many years passed. You were essentially a glorified babysitter that didn’t get paid. Hanging out with him 24/7, keeping him out of trouble when his animal instincts kicked in, letting him sleep curled up next to you on your bed, taking him on walks, being woken at 6am sharp with puppy kisses all over your face to take him on another walk. The boy basically lived with your family at that point. If he wasn’t so cute you would’ve wanted out a long time ago but he became your best friend you could tell anything to so you found it endearing having him be your shadow, even if his own shadow was much bigger than yours. So when he started to pursue his dream of being an idol of course you came along for the ride.

When he was finally in a group and they had plans to debut him, he begged the company to allow you to move in with him and his group mates, the leader, Soobin, the eldest, Yeonjun, Beomgyu and Taehyun. Then of course he begged you, to which you put up a fight and “reluctantly” agreed. Though truly you wanted to live with him just as much as he did with you, even though you’d never tell him that. Eventually debut came and after that a new place, bigger company and a lot of fame and well deserved recognition. Him and his members, who you became good friends with, were on top on the world.

Then he began having…hybrid issues. Essentially every hybrid reaches full maturity at a different age and what effects you the most is your sexual drive, making it an incredibly difficult time, especially to hide it. It’s like one day you wake up and your heat is so incredibly painful it’s nearly impossible to even walk or sleep comfortably. Kai is a late bloomer, he’s 21 and is just now starting his maturity cycle, making performing and recording content for the fans extremely hard. They already know he’s a hybrid but they don’t need to know when specifically he’s in heat and being the fact his ears pop out when he is, it’s not like he can hide it any. Though there has been one thing that’s been keeping him from losing his marbles: you.

He keeps telling you how much he loves you and how your comfort is the only thing keeping him sane at every opportunity. Cuddled up in your bed, in your lap, in your arms, as if he’s the one who’s 150cm. You just think the love and support is what’s helping him and that it’s not that horrific since he seems to be keeping himself together well and you know it’ll all pass soon enough. But truthfully, he’s absolutely losing it. Sure, you’re helping, but not how you think you are. The reason he’s constantly curled up to you or in your lap? Your scent. And not how you as a whole smells, how your pussy smells.

He’s a wolf deep down (even if he acts like a giant puppy) so he has an incredible sense of smell. Unlike how others can’t smell you down there without having to stick their whole nose up there, he just has to get within a few feet to smell it. Usually that is. But with how bad his heat has been as he’s now finally reaching full maturity, he can smell your pussy the moment he enters a room with you in it. If you’re arroused or on your period, he knows. And when you ovulate, it sends his instincts into overdrive. Which is why his head is always in your lap, he’s taking in deep breaths of your scent as close as he can get to your pussy without it being weird. You would think your scent would drive him more mad but somehow it’s comforting as it’s familiar but lately it just hasn’t been cutting it. So he comes up with a plan whilst you sleep next to him, completely unaware, in your basically shared at this point bed, to help him get the purest whiff of you in the morning. He then manages to contain his excitement and nerves of acting out his plan and proceeds to fall asleep, nuzzling into your neck.

You wake up the next morning to Kai lovingly cuddled up against you, holding one of the giant plushies you got him years ago as a birthday gift. It’s his day off so you don’t bother to wake him as you get out of bed, you pick out your outfit for the day and head into the bathroom. You sit your clean clothes on the sink then proceed to have your morning pee, washing your hands after. Now you turned on the shower to get it heated up before you enter and begin to remove your oversized shirt that once belonged to Kai, exposing your bare breasts to the cold air of the AC vent above you, hardening your nipples instantly. You take off your pretty royal blue panties and drop them down onto the floor on top of your shirt, now completely naked, you enter the shower and begin to clean up.

Once Kai hears the water running he wakes, taking time to scroll on Weverse before eventually getting up to act out the plan he made last night. He approaches the bathroom to come inside, at this point you’re not sure how long it’s been since you got in when you hear the door open but nonetheless you instinctively call out “Kai?” He freezes in fear that he’s already been busted but tries to remain as quiet as possible. Eventually his fear is alleviated after he hears you whisper to yourself about how you just must be hearing things. Then he spots them, the pair of royal blue panties you left on the ground. Instantly he can begin to feel his heart beat out of his chest as he carries out with his plan by picking them up and stuffing them into the pocket of his pajama pants before leaving the bathroom as quietly as possible.

You’ve always taken a long time to shower so he knows he has plenty of time to do the rest. So he sits himself down on your bed, pulling your panties out of his pocket and lifting them up to his nose, taking in all of your scent. The divine fragrance making his ears pop out and big cock grow in his pants instantly. He begins to lick the wet spot on them from the access slick due to your ovulation, relishing in the taste of you and fantasizing what it would be like to have his head in between your thighs, lapping away at your warm pussy as you moan under his tongue. Before he knows it, he’s pulled his pants and boxers down and is fisting his leaking cock as he has the panties up to his nose.

He takes his precum and works it around his shaft like lube, moaning at every touch, and begins wrapping the panties around him, using the bright blue material as friction. Unable to help it as his mind starts to wonder about it being your hand around his cock right now, getting louder by the minute. “A-ahh… master… mmm fuck…” He’s so fucked out already he doesn’t even realize the water has turned off, you’ve finished your shower and quickly you put on your towel to go wake Kai, who you think is sleeping. Noticing whilst walking out your panties are gone and quickly as you open the door you notice exactly where they went. Your missing panties wrapped around his throbbing cock. Kai, too far gone and eyes shut, doesn’t even notice you watching, “Ooh fuuuck, m-master.”

For some reason seeing him like this is unexpectedly turning you on and you can’t help but stand and watch as he works your panties around his fat cock. He’s much bigger than you expected, the sight of him playing with his cock and the sound of his moans making your pussy wet. “Mmm… oh shit… fuck, oh master,” he moans out loudly and shamelessly and just hearing him moan master that one specific time makes your body need release. You lift the towel and begin gathering your slick, bringing your fingers to your mouth to suck them clean, enjoying the taste before rubbing circles around your clit. You lean back against the wall, watching him intently, you slide two fingers into your hole easily and slowly. Once you hit your G-spot you can’t help but let out a soft, but just audible enough, “Aah, pup.”

The moment you do, Kai’s ears perk up and his eyes fling open to look at you, who is now the one unaware of the other since your eyes are closed. Slowly he gets up, getting close to you, watching in awe for a second as you touch yourself. You jump slightly as he leans into your neck and leaves a soft kiss, whispering into your ear “You know, master, I had a whole apology ready for being a bad boy if you caught me, but now you seem to need me almost as much as I need you.” You say nothing as he lightly tugs at the towel “May I please take this off?” You stare at him for a second, he was always so polite, now not being an exception as he awaited your answer, circling his hand around your inner thigh. You let out a giggle at the tickling touch before saying “We really shouldn’t… but… please do.”

That’s all the wolf needs to hear as he removes your towel and picks you up gently to then lay you on the bed, underneath him. He lets out a light moan at the sight of you, his beloved master, all exposed for him. In almost a pathetic whimper he goes “Fuck, finally, I’ve wanted you like this since the maturity cycle started, master.” Then not even a second later, he shoves his head in between your legs and begins leaving sweet puppy licks in between every fold of your wet pussy. “O-o-pup,” you almost shriek at the sudden stimulation “all you had to do was ask if you needed help.” You say as you run your fingers through his beautiful blonde locks and leave light scratches behind his ears as he eats you out the best anyone ever has. The boy lifts his head up, eyes already glossy, his face soaking wet all around his mouth to ask “Really?” before sticking his face back into your pussy. “Y-y-yes, anything for you baby.” You say lovingly in a near moan. “Then cum for me” Kai says into you, going back and forth from sucking harshly on your clit and teasing your hole with his tongue, his nose rubbing your nub when focusing on your hole. Watching your every move. “F-fuck, oh shit, pup, you’re gonna make master-“ “Please, cum for me, mommy.” Between how well he was eating you out, his words vibrating on your clit and his sudden use of mommy, you absolutely lost it, coming undone around him and cumming intensely on his tongue. Feeling your eyes roll back into your head, screaming his name so loud you knew if the other boys were awake they knew exactly what was going on. But that didn’t stop him from sucking your clit until it was swollen, until he knew you were coming down from your high.

Before you could even say anything he looked up from in between your legs, desperation in his voice, “Please let me make you a mommy.” You didn’t even know what to say to that but Kai didn’t leave any time to respond before saying “Please, I wanna fill your pussy up with my cum, mommy.” He began to get closer, moving up the bed, sounding even more desperate to the point he was basically whining “I wanna give you my puppies, wanna cum in my mommy’s pussy so bad.” Words you never thought you’d hear your sweet little pup say but you’d be lying if you said it didn’t turn you on immensely, making your pussy throb for him. Instead of letting him know that you just chuckled and went “Oh? You wanna make me a mommy? Want your cum dripping out of my hole, pup?” In a teasing voice. Kai bit his lip, nodding quickly as he stared into your eyes intently with those big brown puppy eyes of his. It was hard to believe at a moment like this he was a wolf hybrid and not just a dog hybrid. “Fuck, please.” He said, as he sank his head to leave kisses in between your breasts. “Okay, but you have to be a good wolf then.”

“I’m always good” he said in an almost upset voice, as if you were implying there are times he is not. But his near offended nature quickly went away as he ripped his shirt off and lined up his big, throbbing cock with your entrance. He began to slowly insert himself, being as gentle as possible, but due to his size, just his tip alone made your eyes roll back into your head. At this point you were also becoming desperate, moaning out “Just get it in there, already.” “Are you sure? I don’t want to hurt you.” He said. “You won’t, trust me, I’ll tell you if it’s too much.” Kai looked at you as he gripped onto your waist with his big hands “Promise?” “Promise.” “Now just make me a mommy please.” Those words alone was enough for him to absolutely unintentionally manhandle you as he bottomed out in you, stretching open your walls to take him. You screamed which instantly made Kai have a worried look on his face. Until you moaned out “Oooohhhhh fuuuuck… good boy.” When the worried look turned to a grin of pride that he could make his master like this.

“You like that?” He asked as he started speeding up his thrusts. “Yes…” you muttered out barely audible between yours and, mostly Kai’s, moans and loud squelching sounds of his fat cock in your wet pussy. He began to hold your hands down and lean over your body so he could kiss you and whisper in your ear how beautiful you’ll look as a mommy as he borderline abused your cunt. His blonde locks becoming wet and falling into his eyes as his pretty ears and tail began to twitch. Speeding up so much, you genuinely feared that he might break the bed with all the creaking. At this point he had you in a mating press, breeding you so deep and fast, hitting your G-spot every time with the fat tip of his cock, making you wail. You could feel yourself dangerously close to cumming and so could he as your gummy walls clenched around him. “F-uck, I’m close!” “Me too” he groaned in response. “Go on pup, impregnate master, make her a mommy.” You yelled. And with that you came undone, and so did Kai, releasing his seed into you with a sharp thrust, leaning into your chest as your walls fluttered around him.“O-oh master, fuck, there you go, take my puppies.”

With so much stimulation he collapsed onto the bed next to you, his cock slipping out of your hole on it’s own. Despite it being very, very good, at this point you became needy for more so without a second thought you begin stroking his cock to make it hard again. Dazedly he looked up at you and asked “Not enough? You need more, master?” You felt something take over you as you responded with “The name is mommy.” Quickly you got on top and put his cock back in your now creamy hole, beginning to bounce on it. “I’ll take that as a yes then, mommy.” He giggled as he watched your pussy spread his cum on his cock like lube. “Well, I have to make sure you got me pregnant, pup” you say. Kai nodded and sat up, wrapping his arms around you, nuzzling his face into your neck so he could leave bright marks on it, squishing your boobs against his broad chest in the process. Slowly reaching down to grab your ass whilst thrusting up into your hole. “God, my cum makes the best lube, but now I fear it’s leaking out too much.” He said softly into your ear. “Guess I’ll just have to fill this cunt up again.” He said in a near growl whilst bouncing you on his fat cock, furry ears tickling your face as he sucked on the sweet spot on your neck. “Fuck, right there” you whined as his right hand came up to wrap around your throat. At this point he was slamming your pussy so hard that his cum from before was splashing out onto his lap. That’s when you felt him shake, “Breed me full,” you said and before you knew it his warm load filled you up again as he bit your neck. You then screamed and began to cum yourself, pulling his mouth off your neck to look him in the eyes, “That’s my good boy.” You said as your hands cupped his sweaty face before leaning in to press a passionate kiss on his lips.

At that point you both were so tired you laid down onto the bed, your body still on top of Kai’s, him in still your hole. “You feel better now, baby?” You asked hazed. “Much.” He replied. To which he covered you both up with a blanket to take a nice needed nap. But not before you exchanged mutual ‘I love you’s,’ certain that definitely fixed his issues as you both fell asleep. More than happy to help him again if he ever needs it.

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[crimsonhobbit]

Fucks part 2

Part 1 can be read here.

For those who don't want to read that part, here's what you need to know from that part:

I’ve been trying to work on my mental health and shit lately. Part of that includes doing a reread of a few books I own: Unfuck Yourself, the Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, and You Are a Badass. Not getting into detail about all of them, but one main point of the Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck is actually choosing what to give a fuck about. It’s not saying be an indifferent asshole. It’s saying that you need to make your fucks count. Like, do you really need to give a fuck that some guy online thinks you’re weird? Not really. There’s no point. But should you give a fuck about that weird thing your back has been doing? Probably. See what I’m saying? My entire life I’ve given too many fucks about shit that I have no need to give a fuck about. What’s that gotten me? Anxiety. A lot of fucking anxiety.

Part 1 was written on my writing blog because it was all about writing.

Part 2 is being post on my "main" (that isn't used as much, but whatever) because it's not about writing.

Side note: If this is rambly...I've had a bottle of wine. So sue me. I'm a fucking adult.

I'm choosing to not give a fuck about social media. I've tried to make friends over the years on various social media sites. My three best friends, ironically, are back from when Tumblr allowed porn. Like, my oldest is about to be 15 and I've known them since he was still chubby type of deal.

For awhile posting/replying on most social media sites gave me a mass amount of anxiety. "What if they think I'm annoying?" "What if they roll their eyes every time I reply to them?" etc. My mind is my own worst enemy.

Fast forward to this past month or so. I said "fuck it!". I've been replying. I've been retweeting. I've signed up for OTHER social media sites. I've been posting. Basically, I've been using SM like you're supposed to. And it's really no different.

I still rarely get replies (and 99.9% it's always the same 1-2 people and I adore them for that!). I still rarely get my comments/replies acknowledged. I'm over here trying to connect with people and feeling like Roxie's husband from Chicago. Mr(s). Cellophane.

One on hand? Awesome, my anxiety wasn't warrented. No one is being a dick. Cool!

On the other? It's...awkward. You know that feeling when you're in a group, you start talking, and then someone talks over you? So you just slowly...stop talking? And no one notices. Kinda gives me that vibe.

Plus, it's a cesspool. No matter how much I try to get rid of seeing bigots/hate/stupid fighting? It doesn't do shit. Which, I'm glad people I follow stand up to twatwaffles. I am. However, when everything boils down to black and white? It's fucking PATHETIC! No one can post anything without someone jumping down their throat, and then others dogpiling on them. I don't mean valid things like bigotry (but even then if someone miss speaks and then tries to apologize? People never give them a change to do better. You fuck up ONCE and you're done). I mean silly things/things that have no bearing on life itself.

It's all one big popularity contest.

The pretty girls. They can recycle posts from other people/only post pictures of themselves and people trip over themselves to talk to them. I'm not faulting them, either. I'm a sucker for a pretty woman, too!

The shit talkers. You know exactly who I'm talking about. The loud ones who will get in on any and all drama. You can't recall any "happy" posts by them. They're like trainwrecks. You just can't look away.

Those two are the ones I've noticed the most lately. I know there are other catagories, but I'm watching Avatar: The Last Airbender and it's really hard not to make 3: The Fire Nation.

I wasn't popular in high school, and nothing about that has changed. And it's not like I want to be popular. Just...welcome? Accepted? I don't know.

I'm just not gonna try anymore. I'll hop on now and then. I'll like a few things that catch my eye. I'll post random things. But I'm kinda over it. Not over it enough to just delete everything, because I need somethingt to scroll while I wait for my food to cook lmao.

That, and I have a social media experiment planned for October. I have a spread sheet and everything (how often I post per social media account- twitter, bluesky, threads, facebook, how many likes I get on each, and how many replies. Shares don't count, only OG posts by me). I see me forgetting about this after a week, though. That's how my things usually go. I just like averages and shit. They make me happy.

So, yeah.

That's where I'm at.

[chaos-monkeyy]

20 Questions for fanfic writers

Tagged by @trainofcommand and @cordeliaperry , thank you 😁

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

351

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

969,232 !

(I had a soft goal of trying to break a million this year, but I probably won't quite make it. Ah well, next year!)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Literally anything I see or read that happens to hit squirrel-brain in the right spot: Stargate, Star Wars, Cosmere / Stormlight Archive / Sanderson's books generally, Loki series & other MCU media, OFMD, Good Omens, Dresden Files, Star Trek (and one-offs for random-ass shows like the Mentalist, 1899, tLoVM, Echoes, etc). Honorable mentions to past beloved fandoms that I'm not super likely to really get back to again include Midsomer Murders, the Witcher, Assassin's Creed, and the Expanse 💕

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Top spot is A wonderful thing (OFMD); the next four in order are all Witcher - A Tight Fit, Stolen Moments, Keep it up, and Undignified.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! I love seeing people's reactions, and letting them know how much I appreciate that they took the time and energy to comment (because fuck knows, I don't always have the spoons to comment on stuff myself). And it's so nice to get that connection with people and get excited about stuff together!

(I have missed some replies here and there just because of over-stressing about what to respond, and subsequently feeling guilty that I left them unanswered so long 🙈 ahh, anxiety-brain, you sure are special)

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

This is one is easy, it's definitely Zombie / what's in your head. One of only two times I've written Major Character Death, and the only time I've used the Angst and Tragedy tag.

It's fucking brutal, honestly. Damn good, but ouch. Dark. Sometimes I reread it when I just want to cry hopelessly for awhile. It's like an... emotional reset or something.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of my fics have happy endings in the happy-sexy-sated vein, but most of my fics are also happy-sexy-oneshots so there isn't any real conflict or worry to come back from that makes the happy ending something that wasn't a given, if that makes sense. My first thought for something more involved was Inflection Point, but it's not exactly a happy ending for everyone. So I think I'll go with Curious Creatures, because even though I know how it ends and I wrote the damn thing, I still somehow get worried it will have a sad ending every time I go back and reread it, and then I'm relieved all over again at the end.

(Honorable mention to the Adventures of Admiral Prawn and Yee-Claw, because how can we not be happy that he found his lost hat with the help of a new friend 😂)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Honestly nowhere near as much as I'd kind of expect to? 😆

I had some rando dickhead giving me grief in comments on a couple Assassin's Creed fics, and I've seen people griping in fandom social media spaces about a couple of my works and the fact they (gasp) existed in the tags at all, but mostly people have been decent and kept it to themselves when they don't like me or my writing 💖

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Yes. All of it. All the smut.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Not really! Never published one to AO3. Closest I've got is that Witcher-Assassins Creed WIP languishing in my google docs, and a silly fun little SGA-Original SW thing on tumblr from probably a couple years ago now.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Pretty sure, yeah. Not to the point of really being able to do anything about it but it kinda sucked. Shit happens.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! A couple of them that I know of 😁

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Oh hell yeah. Many times 💕

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

Cock/Hole.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Mmm I have two published WIPs that fall into that category exactly, Ill-advised encounters and The skills of Assassins. They were really fun, I'd have really liked to finish them, annnd I probably never will 😅

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm pretty damn good at pacing a story, whether it's a oneshot or a longer fic, and at getting ~feelings~ across (whether it's horny feelings, smushy soft feelings, angsty feelings, whatever). And I've been told that I'm good at like... developing a setting and characters in a way that flows or unfolds naturally with the story while you read? Or something like that? (they said it better and it made me very happy)

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

That would be not getting things actually started and just keeping the ideas in my head because What If this time I can't make the words do the thing good enough. Especially whenever I have ideas for something potentially longer or more involved, I do tend to kinda shoot myself in the foot by going "eehhhhh that would be a LOT of work though.... I don't want that kind of commitment....... Maybe I'll write down the idea later............"

Also being constantly distracted by shiny new things. But that part's fun 😆

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I use italics, try to limit it to single words or short phrases, and where possible I make the meaning clear or translated somehow within the fic itself. Last resort, I'll add a little glossary to the start or end notes if it's important to the story.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Midsomer Murders 💖

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

I genuinely don't have a favourite! There's a few I'm extra proud of myself for accomplishing, but I really like most of what I've ever written for one reason or another.

Or another answer would be, my current favourite changes like every week and is usually one of my recent fics 😂 Right now it's probably The Taste of My Blade; it'll be something else in a month.

No pressure tags: @dewdropreader , @mirilyawrites , @starport-seven-five , @loki-is-my-kink-awakening , @dedkake , @wantonwhale , and I won't spam tag all the same people as I did in yesterday's tag game in case you're not feeling it right now, but as always - if you see this and want to be tagged, you are! 💙

[dteamain]

Im glad it was a joke but seriously when I read your explanation post I was that girl with a rock 'so saying, she threw away the large rock' meme. I can kinda? see how it might have been funny but for two hours last night all I could hope for was that the poll and anons would dissuade you. He does NOT need anything like that happening :/

okay i'll expose the vc for further explanation

basically there was a false report of dream being shirtless in a snapchat and due to that we were joking about who would alert who if that were ever true there was one person who was ace in the vc and somehow they were the one selected to deal out the drudes if dream ever posted them and i made a joke that nobody had to worry about missing out because i would have them on my tumblr in seconds (common joke with the discord is that i'm always running my mouth on tumblr) it was funny we were all laughing and it was in the context that dream posted them himself

i then made the poll on tumblr to continue the giggles but didn't really take into account that none of you had the context. and like i said i was mostly focusing on my friends and chatting in vc so when i was answering anons i was taking them all as if they were /j which i noticed after awhile they were not.

anyway lots of times you can probably assume the jokes i'm making have more context in the discord than they do here (zoo made a joke the other day that all i do is recycle content 🙄)

[legend-of-binkus]

I posted 403 times in 2022

That's 180 more posts than 2021!

23 posts created (6%)

380 posts reblogged (94%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@ezdotjpg

@skyward-floored

@sassafrasss

@zelink5ever

@linked-maze

I tagged 402 of my posts in 2022

#loz - 256 posts

#link - 156 posts

#linked universe - 112 posts

#zelda - 102 posts

#breath of the wild - 76 posts

#twilight princess - 58 posts

#ocarina of time - 37 posts

#skyward sword - 31 posts

#zelink - 28 posts

#linkedmaze - 22 posts

Longest Tag: 108 characters

#if hyrule's occasional sassy one liners were inspired by that awful 80s zelda cartoon i wouldn't even be mad

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Legend's Heritage: Why does he hide it?

An LU Theory (plus some ramblings)

(Spoilers for A Link to the Past)

I promised I'd make a post about this in my last theory, so here it is!

Okay, before we dive into speculating, here's some LoZ context to aid in understanding. The Knights of Hyrule were a special clan of knights. They were not regular soldiers, but skilled bodyguards designated to the protection of the royal family. Breath of the Wild also holds evidence for there being two distinct and separate sets of protectors. However, story wise their biggest role is in A Link to the Past.

See the full post

429 notes - Posted January 16, 2022

#4

Woke Up to This...

See the full post

452 notes - Posted February 5, 2022

#3

Heroes are on a tight schedule

493 notes - Posted May 19, 2022

#2

5 LoZ Details You Might Have Missed in the LU

You know… I’ve seen a couple posts about Zelda lore recently and it got me thinking… it’s fun to write head canons and explore theories and stuff (I definitely indulge in the theory side of the fandom quite a bit) but I also really want to show my appreciation for canon and how well Jojo incorporates it into the LU.

Jojo really understands the source material. There’s obviously more references than just these five, but these are a few that I think are really cool. Also... I've been wanting to make something like this for awhile… just been lazy.

—

1. Time uses a mix of OoT's spin attack and TP's jump strike to protect Twi.

When wolfie goes down, Time is pissed. He demolishes a horde of monsters like it's nothing by combining two iconic zelda moves. The jump strike in particular is cool because it's one of the Hero Shade's Hidden Skills— moves he describes as "forgotten ways that do not leave our bloodline."

Love little details like this. Twi doesn't use magic, so it seems the shade actually adapted his techniques when teaching them to fit Twi's fighting style better and I kinda love that.

See the full post

671 notes - Posted June 12, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

LoZ/LU Theory

(This theory isn't exclusive to the LU AU, but I’m really into the fandom right now so that’s how I’m going frame and tag this. I'm sure I'm not the first to bring this up either, but I want to bring more attention to it)

So we know that Wind is Time's successor and he’s excited to be meeting the hero he grew up hearing stories about, but did you know that Wind is also descended from "the hero himself"?

See the full post

846 notes - Posted January 31, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[tunasundays]

Sunday April 7

hehe hi,

I recently rewatched Mtvs Awkward and remembered how much I loved having a little blog when I was 13. I got lonely tonight and had so many thoughts and I was distraught when I have no one to throw my thoughts at. So here I am typing to the void of the internet. This little blog is just gonna be a collection of thoughts classic diary style! I just wanna be able to post little entries of the different thoughts. I know it must be somewhat of a common experience for us ex Tumblr girlies that miss that random connection with people you don't know that have the same interest as you. I also just have so many fun sexy stories to tell and no one to tell them too.

lets dive in

starting with music

I am listening to The Last Dinner Party and I just am feeling the energy I felt when I watched YellowJackets. Is this a shared experience??? dying to know.I just listened to the Prelude to Ecstasy I really enjoyed it and will have more thoughts once I give it a second listen through. I yearn to have friends who watch and listen to the exact things I listen to. I want to be able to discuss these things! -- Chappell Roan is my everything and I just can not stop listening to her. I adore what she has to offer to the world of pop.-- I just now realized how much Luke Bryan I listened to in my first country phase. Like DAmn this man had a lot of bangers on the Crash My Party Album.

Lets talk tv bitches

the invincible season final had me gagged. I couldn't speak and that is rare for me. I am a chatter box but I did not have words! wow! from what I have been reading on twitter I should read the comic for all the extra context and action. I am very excited for the next season and hope it comes at least in the next year.

The Real shit

Fuck y'all. I finally got out of the two month long hookup drought. y'all I am baffled by the audacity of men. I am aware its not too surprising but god damnit!!!!!!!! This was supposed to be my redemption arc but I am very discouraged. Over the weekend I had two suitors (both from the dating apps) boy #1 had the stamina of a fucking horse on steroids. that being said there was no foreplay! but I was touch starved that I didn't give a fuck! lmao. so we go FOUR rounds. He gets off every time and I got off slightly once.The whole experience was just not uncomfortable in a non consent way but in a way it was just not my cup of tea. I am down to try everything once and this showed me I don't love or hate my toes being sucked on. wtf! I am a socks during sex type of girly and it kinda through me off guard but it wasn't the craziest part of this experience. This man fully used his jizz as a massage oil on my back and I was so taken a back! he asked me "has anyone ever done that before" my befuddled self just said No?!?! lmao! its so silly I wasn't that grossed out by it I was planning on taking a shower after he left but like what? I'm not gonna yuck someones yum but I didn't know that was a thing???? Okay boy #2 we have been talking on the snapchat for a while and went for drinks awhile back. The talks over snap have gotten spicy a couple times and we were both pretty excited to get together in person. I was excited because this man talked up his game in a very believable and respectable way. It was SO awkward and I know I am a silly person but usually I can keep a conversation going. That was not the case. So at a very random point in conversation he kisses me and It was just not good and that's a terrible start! like whaaaaaat where are your lips! You are just giving me your tongue and do not get me wrong I love a good French kiss but let me feel your lips first! so things start and I end up getting this man off two times in 15 minutes at the most. the entire experience from kissing to his double completion was 25 minutes. Which would be fine if he would of taken the time to get me off like he said he would in these past two weeks of snapchat. He is now distant and I have a feeling its because he knows he didn't provide anything exciting for me. Dating is so damn hard. The thing is I don't even want a boyfriend. I could be a perfect FWB for some very lucky attractive sex god but I can't find him!! I stupidly thought moving to the big apple would provide a better pond but damn its just not going well. That being said I'm gonna keep on trying for the plot because although its bad sex its funny stories. one day I will find a sexy person to have fun casual sex with on a regular basis. that's not too much too ask for! this is getting messy lmao its late I'm wine tipsy. haha goodnight whores xox

[emperorpookie]

AHHH! i’ve disappeared again all day today by accident and bad memory but YES HI IM HERE!!!! i’m meowing like an excited kitty at you :3 and yes, everything is okay! hope all is well with you too

GOD. you’re so right. i think people just like being assholes for no reason, and even more so when they can hide their identity. the balls on those people still…. doesn’t make sense to me in the slightest. why be mean when you can be kind!!!! love is literally right there. and if not love, silence is a close second ahahaha

a brush sounds so tedious to me. after talking about this so much, nail painting in general is so tedious to me. i get all shaky when i do mine, something about the concentration makes my hands shake? don’t know what that means but it sure happens

you know, i’m with you on that. i check mine so much and i even have notifications on for blogs i love (yours is included in this of course). it’s probably not a good thing for my screen time but hell i’m gonna be here anyways so why miss something when i don’t know to? that might be a bad mentality but i’m rolling with it lmao

i like the new mobile theme btw! looks nice :] i haven’t had the chance to check your web theme but i’ll try to remember to look next time i’m on my laptop!

-🦇

No worries at all!!! I had a busy day so i wasnt here much! Haha!

And yesss like be nice or be quiet. Its that simple my good dudes!!!

I love painting mine! But i do it while i watch tv shows or movies so i have other things so focus on. But i also do it so much that I'm just used too it. And i think i really enjoy the way the paint feels going on my nails. So it's like a nice oooohhh good feelings time, kinda thing for me! Hahahaha!

And ahh thank youuuu!!!!! Gosh i dont even remember what my desktop theme looks like. My computer is old so i rarely get on there these days. Its been... probably a few years..... maybe less. I did make icons awhile back in PowerPoint i think so maybe not quite that long. I know i have my writing blog on there in a theme with a dyslexia friendly font. And maybe my main as well. Idk. I might have to get on there tomorrow and check it out now. Make sure tumblr hasn't fucked with my themes are anything with all their code editing. 👀👀🤣🤣🤣

[colloqui]

It's been awhile...

I have no idea what prompted me to suddenly open up Tumblr after so many years, but here we are...

I suppose I was feeling a little nostalgic and overwhelmed with all the other social media. I miss stumbling on things that I like and follow and not an algorithm that assumes so much. So I suppose that is why I am here... something different, something old, something familiar but new that the same time.

Honestly, I just like the idea of putting things out in the void and not worry about if they get seen. I think Tumblr offers that chance to put things on the internet without the pressure of likes, follows, etc. If it's seen, its seen, if not, I'm not really trying to compete with anything. Let alone a generated algorithm.

I just want to put my stuff out there and I want it to be kinda fun but not necessarily hopeful of it being viral... I suppose its because I find myself introverted on the internet than in real life.

So I think for a while I'm gonna put up my sketches and blog here for a while... just random stuff that I am working on. I can rarely finish a project worthy of the other social medias so it'll be fun to talk about my stuff here and what I fancy that day, week or even month and not worry about a finished piece.

So I suppose if you stumble on here, expect a chilled out chaos of stuff and thoughts. A sandbox of efforts, I suppose...

The pieces above are random sceneries that I was testing style and color, that I've done in the past couple years. Most of these being posts probably will be my past stuff with thoughts and hopefully new stuff.

Happy New Years to you all!

May it be filled with peace and/or adventure!

-Colloqui

[ynscrazylife]

PLEASE MAMA NAT <3

where its just a day in the life of being the adopted daughter of the BLACK WIDOW her picking us up and training us, trying to bonb with us

love your stories ♥️

Being Natasha’s Adopted Daughter Would Include . . .

Request to be on a taglist (or multiple) here! (Taglists are at the end of the fic)

MCU Masterlist #1 | MCU Masterlist #2 |  Main Masterlist

PSA: Do NOT copy, steal, translate, plagiarize, republish, etc any of my works on Tumblr or any other platform. Also, do NOT claim any of my works as your own. All of these works are either requests I’ve gotten that people have wanted me to write or original ideas I’ve had for works. If you happen to take inspiration from anything I’ve written and want to write something inspired by that, please a) ask me first and b) IF I say yes, credit me as inspo in your post by tagging me and link whatever work of mine that inspired you. Thanks.

header c @/piratanjo

Natasha met you post-Black Widow. She was helping out Yelena with freeing the Widows’ when she came across you.

You were a teen at the time - but still brainwashed. Thankfully because of your age you hadn’t been brainwashed into doing anything too bad yet, but you were almost finished with your training.

Something struck Natasha when she saw you. Looking back on it, she assumes it was the fact that like her and Yelena, you had been put into the Red Room at a young age, and you were the first teen they saw while on these various missions.

While she was okay with fighting the other Widows’, it was hard for Natasha to fight you. At the time, she brushed it off as not wanting to hurt a kid, but she knew that she was taking a liking to you.

Which was why, when Yelena managed to free you, and you told them that you had nowhere to go, Natasha felt the need to do something about it. Unlike the other Widows’ who were adults, you couldn’t go out into the world alone and, after talking with Yelena, Natasha decided to take you along with her.

It wasn’t adoption per say, at least at first, but it was close enough.

You jumped at the opportunity to tag along with Natasha and while Yelena continued the Widows’ mission, Natasha took you back to Melina’s house., where you met Melina and Alexei.

You were wary around them at first, clinging to Natasha, but you warmed up.

However, it wasn’t long before Natasha had to go on the run again. She offered you the chance to stay there with Melina and Alexei but you had grown very close to Natasha and wanted to come with her.

So, you did.

It was difficult, escaping authority and having to constantly be moving, but it in a way it strengthened yours and Natasha’s bond. You guys got closer and learned to work together — as fighting partners as well as mother/daughter.

Which was why, not having known your biological parents or where they were, the word ‘mom’ easily fell off her lips.

It happened when you guys were eating take-out in your latest house. Natasha had passed you the water pitcher and “thanks, mom” just came so naturally.

For a second, you didn’t realize what you had said, until you looked up to see Natasha staring at you with wide eyes.

Then, it hit you. Holy shit my god. Had you just said that?? What just happened?

You got scared that Natasha would react badly, but it was the opposite. A huge grin broke out on her face and even happy tears of pure joy.

When you asked her what was going on, she said: “I’ve never been a mother.”

That’s when you smiled and hugged her and you officially agreed on becoming mother and daughter.

Natasha was worried on being a mother at first, scared that she messed it up, but after reassurance from Melina via a phone call, she fell into the role naturally.

She became much more protective.

Not that you minded.

This went on until the Avengers called upon Natasha to fight Thanos.

She brought you along with her and the team was thoroughly stunned.

“wHO ArE yOU???”

“NATASHAAAA”

Yeah, it was chaotic.

You weren’t fazed though and quickly befriended Wanda and attempted to befriend Vision.

Steve and Sam also became like uncles.

Tony was a bit more difficult because you initially blamed him for you and Natasha on the run, so you were distant at first.

You were also kinda disappointed that Clint wasn’t there. You had wanted to meet him (and Natasha wanted you to meet him) after the stories you heard.

Nonetheless, you went to Wakanda and that’s where you met Bucky. It wasn’t long before he became another uncle.

You absolutely loved fighting alongside Okoye and meeting Shuri. You were fascinated by her technology.

You also kicked ass on the battlefield.

But then . . . You lost.

You watched Bucky disappear and even though you hadn’t known him for nearly as long as Natasha and Steve did, you still felt great pain.

Then you learned to that Sam and Wanda had gotten snapped and it got worse.

The days leading after were some of the most difficult days ever.

It was the first time you had to be strong for your mom, seeing as she had lost her friends too, and you panicked at first.

But you had been her daughter for awhile now and you knew what to do. You hugged Natasha and was there for her.

In the months coming, you helped the reminding heroes rebuild the world and you eventually joined the Avengers under your mother’s lead.

You also met Clint but it wasn’t a happy meeting, really, since he had lost his family.

You continued on as an Avenger with Natasha by your side. You met Carol and she was like an aunt and was amazing.

Things started to turn on the bright side when one day Natasha walked in with a genuine smile and held papers.

You could only guess what they were for at first, but quickly was shown and freaked out (a happy freak out) after.

Adoption papers.

You jumped and yelled and screamed and cheered, unbelievably happy that this was becoming official official.

You were Natasha’s daughter.

While the past few years had been difficult, this made it all worth it. You didn’t know where you’d be without Natasha and she was always with you.

Eventually, the team had a plan to defeat Thanos.

Which felt liked a miracle.

Natasha lives because I say so.

You and her got to tag-team Thanos’ enemies.

Literally the best team since Clint and Nat.

(Clint was jealous)

Then, you got everyone back!

You were SO happy to see Bucky, Sam, and Wanda again, and so was Natasha.

After you all reunited and the world went back to semi-normal, you and Natasha visited Yelena, Alexei, and Melina who were beyond happy to see you both.

Things started to turn up again and you were so grateful to have Nat at your side.

She was the best mom EVER.

Always looking out for you and protecting you

If any of the other Avengers made the slightest of snide comments, she was on them like a bloodhound

She always reminded you to hydrate and was always asking you how you were doing

It was hard to believe that she hadn’t had any experience with children before

Well, she had, with Clint’s kids, but still

Speaking of Clint’s kids, they all looked to you like an older cousin

But getting back to Natasha

She insisted that only she would train with you, not trusting the team to not injure you (besides, she knew you best)

You loved training with Natasha too

She always made it fun, putting on music and stuff

It helped you had similar music tastes

She also would always gush to anyone but really Clint, Sam, or Bucky on how cute and adorable you were

And they definitely agreed

One time during movie night you fell asleep with your head on Nat’s shoulder

She was so happy

Made Bucky take a picture

But she did feel a little bad because you must be tired

So she carried you to your room and put you to bed, kissing you goodnight

You had missed out on a childhood so it was nice for your mom to bring you to bed

All in all Natasha was the best thing to happen to you

Despite it being tough, you were thankful for every second of it

Permanent Taglist: @natasharomanoffismywife @hehehehannahthings @paulawand @blackbat2020 @cerberus-spectre @marrymemcgrath @celestialbarnes @kathryndimitrescu @snipyloulou @big-galaxy-chaos @cc13723things @ycfwmalise14 @unexpected-character  (could not tag)

MCU Taglist: @stephanieromanoff @summerlovingbaby @ineffablebean @okkulta @procrastinatingsapphictrash @prettysbliss @caseyfish @sarahp-stan @thewidowsghost @basiclesbianbitch @mycosmicparadise @kidswhofightmonsters @xtraordinaryfangrl @peggycarter-steverogers @username23345 @ima-gi--na-tion @yori-nakajima @hi-i-1 @mmmmokdok @xxxtwilightaxelxxx @mads-weasley @tenaciousperfectionunknown @afraid-to-be-me @lilclownx @acertainredhead @natromanoffxox @lilymurphy03 @thanossexual @avengersz-biotch @kozumekoi  @mjaudrey @un-name-d

[i8jisoo]

𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐘 𝐊𝐈𝐃𝐒 ⇉ skz with pregnant!reader

felix x reader | part six of dad!skz

↬ genre; fluff

↬ warnings; pregnancy, slight relation to sex, birth

↬ notes; this took so long lmfao i just had it sitting but i’m finishing up seungmin rnnn 🤓 i’ve been doing requests whew i just have EVERYTHING coming at once

u guys r really surprised 

u two had been in a relationship for four years now so this was inevitable as u two were putting off the pressure of marriage for awhile now

“woah, i’m gonna be a dad!! does this mean u have to call me daddy now?”

0_0

u r s e n s i t i v e

felix first notices this when he gives u a kiss in the morning n ur crying like two seconds after

:((

“why are you crying??!”

“you just leave so early and i miss you!!”

felix skips the day, not rly caring he just wants to cuddle u 🥺

speaking of cuddling u two r so cuddly together now

u guys just cant get enough of each other

ur at practice less often just bc of media and he thinks the house is safer for u

so the boys come over a ton more to the dorm just bc they wanna see u and spend time with u

he is so cute, whenever he sees you he’ll instantly be on his knees to kiss your baby bump and leave u with a light kiss on ur lips

u guys go to ur scan at the beginning of the second trimester

its hush hush and ofc felix has u with the best doctor hes heard of 

his hands are clammy asf, hes smiling and so dazed while he stares at the ultrasound

“look at that!! baby a and baby b!!”

felix is like, 

“oh im gonna pass out”

now he gets these corny ass JOKES like

“wow lix has really GOOD swimmers!!!”

“felix knows his way around the bedroom!!!!!!!!”

poor baby jeongin :( they are POLLUTING HIS MIND

he doesnt but this boy is scared shitless now, two babies?? thats a lot to handle

he likes to shop, a lot. 

for some reason everything is dog themed, puppies on everything and he’ll come home with bags of baby stuff everyday

lix is just so in love with your body

sweaters, t-shirts, hoodies, anything he owns, he 100% wants you to wear it

he might be a little excited at the thought of u in his clothes, it was usual but now u pregnant, he was a little MORE excited

abnormally this guy worships your body 100% 

he loves how easily you can just unravel, to the point of tears and have u begging for him to stop

ok lemme not ill start writing shit type smut anyways chile yes lix loves u A LOT in and out of the bedroom

mmm he’ll always be brainstorming names

aeygo for the babies 🥺

tons of kisses he has plenty to go around

he acquires a new skill called cooking 😣

ur his new favorite taste tester

he’ll read books for them both

tons of research on expecting twins and what to do

“hey, okay.. so i bought a pregnancy pillow, and like, i wanna use it?”

felix has this smirk, holding the huge pillow that is supposed to be a maternity one, but he much prefers himself using it as a regular pillow

he actually goes public with this, knowing that the fans adored u after being his girlfriend for so long nd u soon became a favorite for them

some shit like ‘stays meet your new members’ 😣

this guy has a knack for painting, his newest canvas is your large baby bump, doodling little flowers n hearts or animals on it, sometimes painting characters on it or whatever it may be

u two have this rly cute vlive together which consists of him painting ur baby bump, plenty of fun while he asked stays to tell him what to draw on ur bump :v

“ooh!! a ladybug!!”

he posts the finished project in nice high quality on their official instagram, showing off the many things he had painted

the dreaded bed rest comes into play

u are now nearing seven months, which meant that u should be experiencing labor or maybe labor pains soon

he takes his paternal leave, now indulging in ice-cream and gummy bears with u, rather than working out and drinking nasty smoothies

guess who has that sympathy weight 

(jk he just uses it as an excuse so he can just give up on his diet)

sleep all day

sleep all night

u two are honestly so tired for WHATEVER reason

lix is there to be a cuddle bug, pulling ur back close to his body, ur legs entwined and his hand on top of ur own that was on ur bump

its rly cute just try and picture it for a moment

u guys r trying everything to hurry and get to the end of this seemingly forever pregnancy

he’ll def buy two yoga balls instead of just one for u and he’ll bounce on them with u

who cares ab trying to hurry up y’all are having so much fun regardless of the fact u have to pee every ten minutes

u both forget the thought of it and just go with the flow

making a deal to go with the names for whomever u claimed aka baby a or baby b

i see ur guys timing to be during the summer so its miserable in ur house

its hot n stuffy

u two r just lounging n u both have popsicles, then ur just like

“oh! oh.”

it was a steady gush of fluid between ur legs and that was when the nervousness set in

u two just look at each-other in shock

“oh! we’re having a baby- um.. wow!”

he is abnormally good at keeping calm, helping u keep ur breathing steady and getting everything together 

felix is a pro.

u guys r kinda chilling in the parking lot just quiet and sort of nervous that the next time ur walking out of there you both will have not one, but two babies

“i don’t know if i’m ready yet.”

felix groans, grabbing ur hand

“ur right, ur more than ready. look at us!! parents of two in at least the next twenty-four hours!!” 

his hands r around u in a second to help u up and there to help u walk in

u two honestly decide to play games on ur phone to kill time

felix crawls into ur bed, seeing as how u looked extremely lonely, letting his arms and legs wrap around u n he’s just playing with ur hair

its honestly adorable

u two are really tired for whatever reason, falling asleep like this before u would be consumed in the late nights of being parents

these nurses wake u both up and are just like

“let’s see if we’re ready to meet ur babies!!”

felix is kinda scared but nonetheless he’ll grab ur hand and hold onto it with a smile

10cm woo!

if he wasn’t hyping u up before he is hyping u up right now

ur somewhat laughing and crying while in pain

yall r so weird

felix is there to wipe ur face with the wet cloth, or to give u a sip of water, rly whatever u need he is on it

poor baby just wants to be of help

“here’s baby a! it’s a girl!”

u two have at least a moment with her, taking in her small appearance, felix holding her out for u to see

abruptly cut off by baby b needing to make an appearance

“i don’t wanna do this again.”

“it’s alright, shh. we’re going to have two babies, two perfect ones. we have one little girl, let’s get ready for the next one, yeah? our two babies, you’re doing so good.”

they take away ur little girl while felix does what he already did beforehand

“here’s your second one!! we have a pair of sisters!”

u and felix are so overjoyed at this news, literally sobbing, u two r a mess

both r brought over to u, felix taking in the fact he’s a father of two girls, such small girls

ur both smiley while u kiss them n cuddle them, getting the nurse to take a picture of u two

ur obviously tired, felix emotionally worn out but having the brightest smiles on ur faces while u hold onto ur pair of newborn girls

he’s so proud, he’s the definition of a proud father

lix is holding onto one and he comes over to you, the other one cooing

“that’s it, my three girls.”

©️ maysdiors 2020 :: all rights reserved. do not repost my work on tumblr or other platforms.

[maximura]

TXT: LO$ER = LOVER

This group just came from fucking nowhere and destroyed everything I thought I knew about them. I always really enjoyed Runaway but 2021-TXT has been some kind of revelation for me. I haven’t had a song that I wanted to review/write about for months, so here we go. 

1. This song has a fucking chorus. I miss traditional song structures and apart from being solidly written in terms of lyrics and music, it sticks to a traditional formula and does it exceptionally well. I don’t know about you guys but there are only so many beat drop/non-chorus-choruses in KPOP that I can take before sinking into a vacant meaningless void. This song is longer than Somi’s, the same length as Sunmi and TBZ’s and yet it feels infinitely shorter because all the great songs tend to leave us wanting more. 

2. Rock in TXT. I cannot wait to see this song with a live band. With those black Ann Demeulemeester-esque outfits. How many dollars do you want HYBE? Just give me this for another 5 TXT albums and I’ll wipe your criminal record. I promise. 

3. Rap in TXT. If any of you have followed me for awhile, you’ll know that my start in korean music was mostly rap based, so I’m always looking for good rappers and good rap in idol groups. When I say TXT destroyed my expectations, I mean it. I really enjoyed their last album (Freeze) and it was only after my millionth listen that I realised I don’t actually need or miss rap in TXT music. I didn’t even notice there was no dedicated heavy rap. It’s totally a testament to how great their music actually is. I’d say they use rap elements as an accent and not the main event. I appreciate that. 

4. Vocal performance. They’re all great here, Yeonjun especially, but Taehyun really has a phenomenal voice for rock. He gives them a very earnest and raw flavour that you so rarely hear in standard kpop. There’s just so much colour in his voice and delivery, he always stands out. I know a lot of guys are capable of this but not a lot of them really let go and wreck their voice for the studio recording. Respect Taehyun, tinytall legend.

5. The backing track though. The jangling guitars are straight from that early 2000s punkpop era, which was dominated by a lot of skate boys in bands and Blink 182. I’m not sure what HYBE have planned for TXT but right now, their concept is absolutely perfect to me and where I am in life; you know, that strange uncertainty of planning for the future, being stuck in the present because of the pandemic but having the unresolved clouds of the past still hanging around. MCR concept, when though? 

6. This is inspired by Thelma & Louise isn’t it? I know they didn’t go to Utah to film the scene on the highway but they could’ve fake-travelled to anywhere in the world and they went there specifically? The Utah national parks are some of my favourite places on Earth, especially Monument Valley, so the decision to take inspiration from the legendary Queen that is Thelma & Louise? To use a place called MOAB? To mirror the message of the movie with the lyrics? Bitch. Poetic cinematic masterpiece. Take all my money. Are they all reading my tumblr again...

7. That line, “Lover with a $ sign, is a loser”. Who wrote it. Was it Yeonjun. Because I really like that line. Their lyrics have really progressed lately and this one has such a resigned melancholy to it. It’s depressing but in a comforting way. It’s kinda ride and die and I think a lot of us really crave belonging to a pack that gives us that energy. Apart from Thelma & Louise, it reminds me of that line from Brokeback Mountain: “You know friend, this is a goddam bitch of an unsatisfactory situation”. 

8. I’m like. So happy right now. There is just a very very very indescribable euphoria that comes from getting music that really understands you. It’s so rare but it makes it more special when it does happen. 

[barsformars]

cheers to the new year ✨

originally, i wanted to make an appreciation post on the 1st of january to welcome the new year on a nice note, but i decided that it would be nice to wrap up this year as well.

this year has been an unfamiliar and tough one for all of us and i just want to remind everyone that you are loved, and that just being alive is enough. you are enough. you have done well and i am proud of you, and i always will be.

to everyone who has been tagged below, you have made my 2020 a much better year just by being on my dashboard. even if we don't talk much, i really appreciate your presence on this app because it makes it feel like home — safe and warm. thank you and i wish you all a prosperous and kinder 2021 💞💝💖💕💘✨

my tumblr family, the ones who adopted me in the first few months i was on here and has constantly supported me and made me feel loved, for that i am eternally grateful. // @queen-of-himbos @soulangel @mooneylooney1 @vicapuleti @yangcaffeine @kpophours @daybreakx @bangteen (tho she's not on here anymore) @justasouthernlady @astrohawritings

to the moots that i really look up to and love interacting with (if you're not tagged here and we're pretty close, your message is down below <3) // @yeochikin @thelargefrye @hereisleo @moonchildsaurora @yunhozone @rosy-wooyoung @yunhoway @ateez-little-star @atinykidult @lsangyeons

to the ones that ive talked to for a bit and, or, the ones that i admire ALOT from a distance <3 // @hwanami @seacottons @floraisann @yeocult @brathyuck @hongism @inkigayeo @hwacinth-main @sweetheart--sannie @dimpledsatan @treasure-hwa @toffee-hwa @tinymingi @shining-red-diamond @aasthrielle @petitemingi @sidereal-fantasies @masterninjacow @yunwoo (im sure there are many more but my brain never fails to fail me)

to the ones i love seeing on my dashboard and have been a familiar blog since the start (or near there) but whom i never got to talk to // @mingyus-lavish-thighs @changbinniez-princess @yeollieinwonderland @hey-i-really-miss-you @seoultraveller

individual messages 💖

@closer-stars my number one 언니, the (older) sister i never had, the hongjoong to my seonghwa. i don't remember when we started talking but im pretty sure it was about dance jdjsjsjs i am forever grateful for you and i think ive grown a lot ever since i started talking to you as well. thank you for putting up with me even at times i find myself super annoying hehet 👊 hopefully 2021 will be a much better year for you and we can one day meet up to dance together 🥺

@fairyofdusk sweetest person ever. i know we don't talk much or interact directly with one another but i think ive mentioned many times that i just really appreciate seeing you on my dash and whenever you like my rubbish text posts jdjsjs or just reblogginf things off each other blogs uk, thank you for making my 2020 so sweet, i hope that 2021 will be 2x as sweet as you to you love ya!

@jeongyunhoed DENISEEEEEEEE; always pushing the barsformingi agenda i swear- you're one of the dearest people to me on tumblr and just your presence alone makes me feel safe and warm. i really love your works and i hope that in 2021 you will reach more milestones! (+ please don't stop tagging me in mingi posts, love ya!)

@sugarrimajins HELLO; I don't see you very often or talk to you often but somehow everytime we do we can talk for quite awhile? i think i really vibe with you energy and i just wanna say i really appreciate you and our conversations, wishing you a great 2021!!

@fortrest MY NEW FRIEND; forreal we only started talking very recently but i somehow kinda vibe with you alot and i really enjoy our conversations! you seem like a really nice person and i cant wait to build a stronger friendship with you in 2021!

and to all of my followers,

i don't know if you will even be reading this because it's at the bottom of this post but if you do see it, i want you to know that i appreciate every support that you give. i enjoy reading the tags in your reblogs and it motivates me to write more as well <3 i am so grateful everytime someone says that my works make them happy and i hope to do so as well in 2021!!

alright, i think this is the end of the post. i am so so so sorry if i accidentally missed out anyone but the main message still stands! i hope that 2021 will be a much better year for all of us!!

- from rin <3

[cblgblog]

Yeah, Steve could have cleaned Sharon’s name after Thanos’s death, it doesn’t mean he didn’t try, but knowing she was stealing art, it may be that in addition to being seen as a traitor, she came to be seen as a thief, and who knows what else and it was impossible for Steve to do anything for her. People need to see what she has become, the government is likely to have clues to what she's been doing, and Steve couldn't do anything for her because of that.

Look, here’s the situation. She’s been gone for 5 years irl, they’re trying to address that stupid now, and there is, frankly, no way to do that that isn’t somewhat stupid itself, and that doesn’t make someone look bad. Frankly, the people I’ve seen complaining about Steve not snapping his fingers—pun intended—and fixing it all for her are the same people who blame him for Sarah Wilson’s financial struggles, and Scott choosing a relatively cushy house arrest gig where he could still see his daughter, or somehow forcing actual King T’challa to help fight Thanos in Infinity War.

The people complaining about it are mostly the same people who couldn’t care less about any of the characters they mention, except in the context of, oh, Stefe dum, here be another thing I can blame on Stefe. Most of the time they don’t even pretend to have bothered to do basic research on what they’re talking about, so their opinions are about as meaningless as always, but let’s try to get into this anyway.

As I said, Feige the All-God hasn’t bothered with her in 5 years. There is no way of explaining that canonically that isn’t somewhat stupid, depending what theory you take, but let’s be clear. Steve could not do a thing for her, as far as clearing her name between the end of Cap 3 and Infinity War. He was in the same boat as her, he was a fugitive, he could do nothing. So, that’s 2 years that aren’t his fault, at all.

EG is where it gets murkier. And more stupid, and a lot depends on what we may learn in future eps. Tumblr dates nothing, so be aware that as of writing, there’s only been 1 ep with Sharon released. That said, we know that, post-Snap, she was listed among the missing. I’m going under the assumption that she was not Snapped out by Thanos. This has yet to be word for word confirmed, but seems likely given how settled she was in ep 3, and the state of her kickass apartment. On the off-chance that she was in fact Dusted, then it wasn’t Steve’s fault at all, or any Avenger’s fault, but let’s go with option 1.

So, she’s already hiding, and has been for 2 years. The Snap happens. Chaos reigns, it’s nearly impossible to find out who’s here and who isn’t.  She’s a spy. A very good spy, who’s already been evading capture for 2 years. How much more impossible is it to find her then, when the entire world is upside-down? Good luck with that.

So, Steve and Nat—who I’m including here because she was also at least acquainted with Sharon and she made it so much of her business to tape the world back together post-Snap—they have to assume she’s Dusted, or that she’s still hiding and as of now impossible to find. Not to mix fictional bs with real world stuff but you know, I’m gonna do it anyway. Look at how pathetic much of the US’s response to covid-19 was. Look at the fighting over what to do, look at the different states making their own rules, violating guidelines, look at the lack of supplies. Now multiply that by at least a hundred, probably more like a thousand.

Steve and Nat and everyone else would’ve been in utter chaos for a long, long time before things even started to stabilize. Finding out if Sharon was even alive anymore would’ve been next to impossible for awhile, never mind clearing her name. Like, it’s shitty, but for a good long time, helping Sharon is going to be A, nearly impossible, and B, not an A-list priority for anyone.

So, after that point. Say it’s been a year, or more—probably more—however long it takes for things to kinda sorta settle. The idea that Sharon is still on the Most Wanted list? That the government supposedly still cares after Steve and Nat are just back and hanging around and no one cares about the treason or the Accords anymore? That is both completely and utterly stupid, and also the exact kind of thing the US government would do. Like, it should not fucking matter that Sharon stole the wings and shield, not in a post-Snap world. It shouldn’t even fucking matter that she’s stealing portraits. Oh, this Monet is gone? Great, the curator’s entire family is gone. Look at the empty streets and stadiums we see in EG. You think that many people were perusing museums post-Thanos? There are billions dead, it should not fucking matter if Sharon is stealing paintings, even the good ones.

So, why does it matter? I see three choices here:

1.       It doesn’t really, the government is just even more stupid than usual in a post-Thanos world, basically forgot Sharon was marked Public Enemy, and just never bothered to fix it.

2.       It does matter to the government, because paintings=money and even in a post-apocalyptic hellscape, money is still king. Also, we can’t actually do much for anyone in terms of actually helping them, but look everyone, look, we’re still going after this evil traitor, still working hard!

3.       We know Hydra never died completely. Hydra thrives on chaos. We know Hydra still had people in the government after SHIELD fell. Some of them may have kept Sharon a fugitive in the eyes of the law because she’s a Carter, the niece of the founder of SHIELD and the one who was always up in their business, and because Cap 2 proved that she will defy Hydra when given the chance, so let’s just make that harder for her.

It could’ve been some combo of the three of those, but the truth is that we have to make narrative sense of a real-life scenario that was stupid, and because of that, Sharon was left out in the cold and any choice you go with to explain that isn’t great. But what happened to Sharon isn’t on Steve, at least not solely. We don’t even know if he knew that she survived the Snap, and frankly, if she’d wanted him to, she probably could’ve gotten word out. Yeah, I know, fugitive, but again, the world was in absolute chaos immediately after the Snap, and for a long time after. She’s the ultimate spy. If she’d wanted or needed Steve’s help that badly, she could have gotten it. She could have found a way to let him know hey, I’m alive, long time no see. So, everything sucks now and it’s all on fire, but could you maybe see about getting me a pardon?

As far as we know, she did not do that. And even if she had, who’s to say anyone would’ve listened to Steve on it? Again, the government is stupid, possibly Hydra infused, and everyone who wasn’t a Hydra baddie had more immediate concerns than getting a pardon for Sharon.

And also, Steve is not affiliated with the government anymore. That’s kinda a big fucking part of CW. Steve does not have the ability to hand out pardons. He never did, and he sure doesn’t now.

So, did Steve fail her? Possibly. Maybe even probably, depending how you want to look at it. Maybe he should’ve looked for her more, been more proactive in seeing what was up with her. Is it bullshit the Bucky got a full pardon and Sharon didn’t? Yes, but that is not personally Steve’s fault.

What happened to Sharon sucks. She was failed, on multiple levels, and possibly by Steve.

Was it all entirely Steve’s fault, oh my God Steve, why didn’t you, personally, fix all of this yourself, somehow? No, no it wasn’t.