#it's been a while since I've posted anything

[nights-at-crystarium]

Okay this's a long post, but I'm BEGGING you to slow down and read the above stuff. The general sentiment's bleak and depressing, though, whether you're a creator or a reader, we're all stuck in this current reality.

In our xiv corner, I noticed that some people actually begin to look up to my work as an inspiration and a success story. While this "success" keeps being shaky and uncertain, I have to keep promoting my work like cursed in order to stay in the same place, I AM able to work on Fragments full time and have a home and eat, so I guess that qualifies as success these days. I hope this doesn't come across as bragging, in face of horrors I simply want to provide a positive example, to acknowledge how lucky and privileged I am that, despite everything, there are still enough people that love and support Fragments.

I'm in my 30s, but I've never had any real comic aspirations, no ocs that I dreamt of since I was a child. So, while I emotionally resonate with the jaded creators in this post, my story's a bit different. I'm forever a fanartist, a fandom dweller that tried making something out of pure love, and it happened to be in a fandom large and active enough to pick up.

It began in 2022, in the hellish post-apocalyptic socmed landscape that I've been able to navigate only because I have a decently analytical, "seller" mindset, and a lot of spite for the evil that took away MY internet. They shit all over my home, now I'm fighting tooth and nail to keep the tiny island that keeps shrinking every year (the censorship, the algorithms, the conservative and purist idiots). Audience becomes more and more shallow, hard to please (the oversaturation, everyone's an artist now), hard to grab (everything has to be FLASHY!!!!! Bite-sized, instant gratification), trained by twitter and tiktok to consume without giving anything back.

Making a comic (or fics, or regular art, anything) isn't hard. It's nice and fun. It's more accessible than ever now! But getting it out there? Will you have enough mental fortitude to keep pushing your work, day after day, for months, for years? If you stop showing up on people's feeds, you're forgotten. But what if there isn't enough new material to show? Not everyone can churn out a new art every day. Recycling old stuff? A part of you dies whenever you do that. Creators are also scared to interact and support each other due to the cancel culture, so everyone's on their own now. At least I am. I write, I draw, I publish, I promote. To say it's exhausting is to say nothing.

You have to conform. To make attention-grabbing visuals, to sterilize what words you type (unless you're on tumblr, bless) so that your post isn't dumped to trash by algorithm for having "support" or "dead" or "fuck" in it. Even if you jumped through all of those hoops, there's still a risk that people don't care for some reason. Try again.

One of the above posters expressed that to make comics is to be punk again, and boy does it resonate with me. I have so much anger and frustration and spite in me, I'll fight and retaliate until it literally kills me. My way of fighting is holding onto the one good thing that I have in my life, working on Fragments and then being a freak about it with my readers. Fragments is a mature work, it has the ~problematic~ shit that'll make the tiktok-brainrotted people clutch their pearls. Good. It doesn't even conform to the classic comic/manga layout, it's something else entirely, not even because I'm so desperate to be original, but because I do what works for me, what's easier to draw, what brings me joy. The entire comic's punk as hell in every way imaginable. And yet, it managed to find enough other punks that love it just the way it is. It's been 3 years, and I'm still blown away.

I'm a confident person, I know what I'm doing, I LOVE what I'm doing, I HAVE FUN (until I have to promote the goddamn thing again). My work's unusual and it'll probably never stop being niche. However, it's got just enough vibe to attract my tribe, for which I'm grateful. Just wanted to say don't give up, random person thinking of making a comic, be yourself, do whatever the fuck you want, prepare to endure a lot and then some more, but it might just work out for you even in 2025.

P.S. One last thing!! Never give in to the perfectionism. Done is better than perfect. Draw and move on, even if you feel dissatisfied with it. Chances are, you're your harshest critic, and no one else will notice the thing that drives you crazy. Don't get caught up in the loop of doom where you wanna redraw/rewrite what you've already published. MOVE THE FUCK ON. KEEP WALKING FORWARD.

In your view/experience. is the rate of "incompleteness" among webcomics more or less the nature of online personal projects as a whole? Or is there something specific to webcomics like laboriousness, audience expectations, relative medium infancy or whatnot?

well for one thing webcomics has changed significantly in the last ten years. it used to have a much lower barrier for entry, just get a smackjeeves account or set up a website with a wordpress plugin. starting a webcomic when i started my webcomic vs starting a webcomic now are totally different experiences.

so i can only speak to people who started their webcomics roughly ten years ago. and roughly ten years ago a lot of us were a whole lot younger with a lot more time and energy to spend on a comic for free. this part is probably still somewhat true for new artists.

but then you get older. your ideas change. your skill develops and the old stuff isn't as good. or you don't have as much time, you got a day job. unless you're one of like five people on earth your webcomic is not paying your rent. you need to make money. your shoulder hurts. you're 30 now. you're struggling to make updates on time between whatever else makes you happy and what else you need to do to live. you wrote this story when you were 21, you don't relate to it anymore, you have different ideas, you've grown up, your audience has noticeably dropped off from the peak, social media managing is hard, you have to go to work, you're so tired, all the time.

it's a lot of things.

[mlyscha]

WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS 𓏲 NEIGHBOR JONGSEONG

❝ 𝗒𝖾𝗌, 𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝗂𝗌 𝗌𝗐𝖾𝖾𝗍 𝖺𝗌 𝗅𝖾𝗆𝗈𝗇𝖺𝖽𝖾 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗁𝗈𝗍 𝖺𝗌 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗌𝗎𝗆𝗆𝗆𝖾𝗋 ❞

This is the part one of the "WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS" two parts series!

【 CATALOGUE 】 𝒶' neighbor!jongseong ﹠ fem!reader ( 11 OOO ) non idol au 𐔌 series! fluff&slowburn&crack ; 𝓮xtra' . not proofread, eng. is not my mother language! (..◜ᴗ◝..) click here for pt2!

IN WHICH ᝰ your parents convince you to help your little sister sell lemonade around the new neighborhood and hopefully make some friends.

𝒶!付言 : hey, guys! so, i've been wanting to write this au for a while now and now that i am coming back, i thought i would post it because it has been rotting in my drafts hehe... that's not funny. (¬`‸´¬)

𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗇𝗄𝗌 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝖺𝗅𝗅 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗌𝗎𝗉𝗉𝗈𝗋𝗍! ♡ 𝗅𝗂𝗄𝖾&𝗋𝖾𝖻𝗅𝗈𝗀&𝖼𝗈𝗆𝗆𝖾𝗇𝗍.

"I already miss you so much, Nina..." you whine as you roll to the other side of your recently bought bed. "I know... I miss you too! But you know what I miss even more?" "What?" you ask. "Your cookies..." your friend chuckles on the other end of the line, whispering like it's a secret, making you scoff. "You're ridiculous, but maybe I can send you some somehow," "Really?!" you could picture her eyes shining. "no." you reply, dead serious. "You're mean, Y/N..." her voice seems do melt away, just like the candle─ lavender scent ─ you brought from your old house; to hopefully cover the musty smell.

You laugh out loud, also picturing her smile fading away as the negative word came out of your mouth. Suddenly, you hear the front door of your newly bought house opening and the muffled voice of your mum and your dad echo. "Y/N! Come here!" the feminine voice calls out for you, making you whimper in lazy. "I think you have to go now," Nina comments. "How did you hear my mum calling me?" You smirk in amusement. "Well, one thing I know about your family is that they are very loud─and don't take this as an offense, alright? it's... cute...?" she sounds uncertain, but you brush her hesitation away with a chuckle.

"Alright, you heard my mum─ I gotta go!" "Okay, talk to you later!" "Talk to ya later." "And don't forget my cooki-" and you hang up, feeling that Nina would be fuming because you hung up on her face.

Throwing your phone on your bed carelessly and blowing the candle out, you go upstairs just to encounter your parents putting away the groceries they just bought at a nearby market.

"Hey, Y/N!" your mum smiles at you. "You're tired?" she asks as your dad looks at you, curious about your reply. "Kind of..." she purses her lips and turn to look at you as you sit on the chair across the kitchen counter. "Y/N, I was wondering if you could help your sister with-" "Before you say anything, I will be honest and say that I won't be helping her with potty training or something." Your mum chuckles.

"Y/N, your sister is five years old, she knows- okay, maybe she is still learning how to do her duties, okay?" you shrug. "Honey, we were wondering if you could help your sister to sell lemonade," your father speaks up. "she's really excited and since me and your mum are looking for jobs around the area, it would be great if you could help your little sister out." "Yeah! And you could also make new friends, Y/N!" your mum adds.

Your eyes were narrowed eyes while hearing their requests, but then, it softened as you started to ponder the idea of hopefully make some money and see your little sister's smile. And about the friends part? It was a consequence, nothing serious or like an objective.

"But it's really hot outside," you pause, hesitant on speaking. "won't it be a big problem? you ask, worried. "Oh..." your mum stares at your dad with worry across her face. "Honey, you two will be fine! Don't worry about the heat and make happy memories with your sister. If you feel really hot you can drink some lemonade and maybe, if you two raise some money, you can buy an electric fan, you know?" you slowly nod your head in understatement, but looking a little skeptical still.

"Come on, Y/N, you're 20 years old, you can handle some heat! Imagine your little sister who's five! She'll be selling lemonades all alone in the summer... really?" your mum softens your heart.

You don't want to agree with her, but she's right. You should make memories with your sister until she turns into an rebellious teen that no one can manage. And you shouldn't be this thick-headed: you remember the first lemonade tent you opened back in the days... It was so much fun despite the heat, you should admit.

"Okay, I will help her, no problem." you give them a small grin. "Oh! Great!" your mum claps her hands with excitement. "When are we planning to open her little lemonade tent?" you ask as you make your way out of the kitchen. "Perhaps... on saturday?" "Today is...?" "Thursday." you nod your head in agreement. "Alright, and where our little lemonade seller?" you ask your parents and you could see the amused grin across their faces. "At the living room!"

As you hear that, you make your way to the living room and walk in looking for your sister, encountering her laying on the sofa. "Princess?" you call her since she seemed to be asleep. "It's too hot!" you chuckle, crouching close to the sofa and then nudging her just to hear her bothered whine. "You are hot?" she nods. "You know we have an AC here, right?" suddenly, her eyes went wide open. "Are you serious?!" "Yeah..." you grin, nodding your head. "Do you want me to turn it on since you're hot?" "What do you think?" she replies with an frustrated tone. "I think you... don't want me to...?" you tease her and she pouts. "Okay, okay, I will turn it on, I'm just teasing you."

You walk to the nearby desk to grab the AC controller, turning it on instantly. "Oh... much better..." she spoke with her eyes closed, relaxed. "Lily, mum and dad told me about the lemonade tent and guess what?" You sit on the empty end of the sofa. "What?" "I'll be helping you!" "Really?!" she sits up to look at you with bright eyes.

"Yeah!" you laugh. "Are you excited?" "Kind of!" "Kind of?" you drop your head to the side. "By the tone of your voice I thought you were really excited, but 'kind of?'" "Isn't kind of a good thing?" she mimics the drop of your head, pouting in confusion. "Not as much as you think it is." you respond with a shrug, poking her fragile shoulder.

"I thought it was because I always hear mum, dad and you 'speaking' it" "It's not 'speaking', it's saying," you correct her, "Whatever," Lily shrugs, sitting up completely on the sofa.

"So... Lily," your sister looks up at you. "mum and dad told me you were making the sing for you lemonade tent, what do we have so far that I can help you out with?" "Mummy and and daddy lied," "What do you mean?!" you chuckle, thinking she was just joking around or randomly saying that. "I didn't start nothing yet," she shrugs, walking over to grab some random boxes. "they told me to use these boxes to make the sign." you nod your head. "O-okay,"

You walk over to inspect which part of the boxes you could cut to turn into a beautiful thing. "Good thing we moved, now we have plenty of boxes if something goes wrong." you comment. "And how are we going to build the whole tent? I mean, we have cardboard, but it's surely not the best of the best materials to build an entire lemonade tent."

Out of nowhere, Lily waves her hand as if she was calling you to get closer, so you bend over to hear what she has to say. "Mummy and daddy said that our neighbour will help us with that, don't worry too much, sissy!" she pats your should like an old man giving you advice. "Our neighbor?" "Yeah! Now, stop asking me questions and let's start making this sign before I get tired." "Okay, ma'am!" you shrug.

"All done!" the amused voice coming from Lily make you smile despite the tiredness. "Oh, wow, girls! Did you two make that?" you look at your little sister, waiting for her to answer with excitement. "Yes, mummy! Me and sissy did that!" she sounded so proud that you laughed out of cuteness.

If you're wondering how the sign turned out, imagine an rectangle figure painted in white and a lettering saying: "Lemonade by Lily" and a heart shape made by the 'lemonade seller'. Oh! And an important detail is that, above your little sister's name, a small crown has been drawn.

"That looks sooooo pretty! Now, you know what comes next, right?" "What, mummy?" "Clean this mess up," Lily whines and you mock her, whining along, but she doesn't realises it. "Can you at least help me, mummy?" "Lily, mum's busy, I'll help you." you say, poking her shoulder and nodding at the mess. "...Okay..." "Thank you, Y/N." your mum smiles, walking away from the room to make dinner.

Later that day, you were laying on the sofa with your mum: your head on her lap, her hands caressing your head while watching something on the tv― dad and Lily sleeping upstairs. "Oh, I'm so glad your dad moved the furniture here before we actually moved, it's much more comfortable this way," she randomly commented. You hum as you heard her comment.

"What are you watching, mum?" you ask her, turning your head completely to the tv, letting go of analysing the ends of your hair. "Some silly romance I used to watch when I was a teen," "Oh, really? You enjoy watching romances that much?" you glance up at her this time. "Sometimes, yeah..." she nods. "I like to reminisce the old times." your mum smiles with affection.

"You wanna know what?" "What?" you ask her, curiously. "The first time your dad asked me on a date, we went to the cinema― because, you know, it was a very romantic thing back in the days― and we watched this film." your mum chuckles, as if she remembered something. "I remember I found the acting so bad that I could just laugh the entire time."

"Did you and dad kiss that day?" you ask her with a grin on your face, appreciating her story telling. "No, because I couldn't stop laughing we were actually kicked out of the session," she replies and you chuckle. "Really?" "Really," she nods. "But you know what? I am glad we were kicked out of the session." "Why is that?" you frown. "Because later on your dad invited me to come over his house― after we talked a few more months prior― and there we kissed while watching the same film; as we watched at the cinema."

"Why would he invite you to come over to his house just to watch the same film you kind of hated?" "I didn't hate it, I just found it... stupid." your mum spoke with an uncertain tone. "Whatever, answering your question: your dad told me he loved my laugh, so he wanted to hear it more." and once again, she grins like a teen girl talking about her first date with her best friend.

"Mum," she hums. "Will I ever be loved like you are loved by dad?" "Honey," your mum chuckles, probably thinking you sounded kind of silly. "You will be as loved as dad loves me, okay?" this time, you chuckle, nodding. "That was melancholic, wasn't it?" "I won't judge, many times I have asked that to your grandma." she admits. "Oh, really?" "Of course! I was around your age when I first met your father! And, by the way, your dad is my first and ever kiss." "That means not everything is lost," you joke, but your mum agrees. "If that makes you feel better." after a shrug, she yawns.

"Are you getting sleepy, mum?" "Kind of, but do you want to ask me anything else? I want to know." she begins to play with your hair once again. You think a little hard before asking: "Who is our neighbor?"

"What do you mean, Honey?" "I mean, like," you sit up, glancing at her. "who is them? Is they an old man, is they a-" "It's an old man." she replies dead serious. "Oh..." you purse your lips. "good to know." you nod your head this time, like your understood her tone.

Suddenly, you hear your mum's laugh. "Just kidding, I haven't actually meet them, only your dad has." she shrugs. "" "But Lily told me dad and you learned about them since they were taking care of the lemonade tent..." you frown in confusion. "Oh, so she told you? Good, I was thinking you were asking me that melancholic stuff and then about our neighbor because I were falling for them-" "Mum! I haven't even seen them!" you exclaim and she shushes you. "I know, that's why you should try to know them! I have bought some ingredients for cookies... Just saying..." she shrugs this time. "And just so you know: put on that dress of yours, it's pretty."

"What smells so good here...?" a masculine voice encounters your ears. "Sissy's making cookies!" your little sister answers dad. "Oh, really? And-" "It's not for you, for me or for Lily, it's for our neighbours, honey." your mum walks in, giving your dad a deal breaker and a peck. "Our neighbours, huh?" "Mum is actually making me look mean because I am not baking anything for you guys," you finish putting the cookies in the oven. "but I promise I have made enough for everyone here." "Take that, sweetie!" your dad teases your mum. "Shut up, Bernard!" "My name isn't Bernard!" "Exactly!" "Your mum is so romantic, isn't she?"

"Mummy, can I go with sissy, pleeeease?" "Lily, you have things to do, let sissy go alone." "What things? I'm just 5 years old! Not 50 like you and dad!" "Lily, honey, I am not 50!" "Well dad is 50, right, dad?" you tease him. "Look, what if I am?" "Old... Yikes!" "Lily!" your mum enters the discussion. "Let's stop this discussion before our poor dad has an heart attack," and once again, you tease him. "Stop right there, Y/N." he points his finger at you and you surrender yourself, walking away from the kitchen.

"Mummy, what things I have to do?" "Um..." "Nothing?" "Li-" "Oh, great, so I can go with sissy!" she jumps out of her chair and runs up to you. "Sissy, mummy just told me I can go with you!" "I did not!"

A few hours later, you have put the cookies in a cute tupperware with a small letter saying: "made with love, hope you enjoy!" and you were wearing the pretty dress your mum mentioned last night. Just so you know: the dress is long, flowy, with a flowery pattern and uncovered arms. Your hair is half put in a ponytail while the underneath stays loose and free― a princess style. And lastly, but not least, you had pretty normal, yet cute, sandals on― you weren't putting on trainers under this heat.

I went downstairs to grab the cookies and leave. By the way, it was around afternoon, so the sun was setting, creating the perfect scenario and atmosphere to go out― and thankfully it wasn't as hot as you thought it would be.

"Mum, dad, I'll be back!" "Lily, don't!" you hear you mum yelling at Lily, you couldn't see them, but you assumed she just tried to run up to you. You chuckle with the scene. "Bye!" "Bye, honey!"

And with that, you are meet with the hot, yet, windy weather. "Thank God this dress is long..." you mutter to yourself, walking up to the house on your right, since that was the house with the number you were looking for― and the number your mum gave you.

Hesitantly and nervously, you ring the door bell and leave a small knock at the door. Your hands were sweaty and fidgeting on the corner of the tupperware's lid, but suddenly the door opened; revealing a man, who looked around his 50's. "May I help you?"

The man was sweaty and his beard a little grown, but looked and sounded friendly, so you smiled despite your shyness. "Hey there! So, I am your neighbor, my name is Y/N and I'm actually Y/D/N's daughter; to be more specific..." you nod. The man looked at you with narrowed eyes that soon softened, making you feel more comfortable but tense at the same time― not knowing what to expect at this point.

"Nice to meet you, Y/N! Come in!" you were a little hesitant to come in since the man wasn't familiar and in his late 50's, but you decide to enter his house since your dad knew him apparently. "I apologise about this mess, I wasn't expecting guests today," he chuckles. "Oh, I'm sorry about that! I don't want to be inconvenient..." "Hey," he looks at you. "I didn't mean it like that!" the man waves his hand with an friendly tone. "I should be more organized and clean, that's all." and to ease the atmosphere, he laughs.

"Mi casa, su casa! Or however the teens say nowadays," you chuckle and sit on the sofa since he gestured for you to take a seat. "Do you want some water? Some coffee?" "Oh, no, I actually wanted to give this to you as a..." you pause. "a thanks for building my little sister's lemonade tent." you smile and extend the tupperware so he could accept it. "Oh, really? Thank you so much, I wasn't expecting anything in return since everyone around the neighbourhood helps each other out." you notice his smile. "Oh, I almost forgot to tell you my name! I'm James, Jay's father!" James shakes his hand with you as an act of respect.

"You have a son?" "Yeah!" he sounded proud. "I'm going to call him, mind to wait a second here?" "You don't need to call him, it's okay!" you wave your hand, not planning to bother his son with your presence somehow. "Nonsense, you took your time to make us this delicacy, I am calling definitely calling him to meet you!" you didn't try to say anything then, waiting patiently at the sofa and a few seconds later you heard some voices coming from somewhere over the house to the living room.

"Y/N, meet my son, Jay!" you glance at them and your eyes meet with that blond guy wearing black gloves and protection glasses. You notice his trousers covered in wood dust― as it seems to be wood. "Ni-nice to meet you," you stand up to shake his hands, but before you could do that, he takes off his gloves and then shakes your hand. "Nice to meet you, I'm... Jay, as you might have heard." ― He's handsome and friendly? Oh gosh... ― you thought. "And you are Y/N, right?" "Oh?"― His father has told him my name? ― that little voice insisted. "Yes, I'm Y/N." you awkwardly responded. "Good..."

"Okay, kids, I'll make some tea so we can talk and eat these cookies together, alright?" "Oh, there's no need to do that, I'm leaving soon." "Why is that?! No, stay here and drink some tea with us, and then I'll let you leave, 'kay? Jay, talk to her, I'll be back in a minute."

Jay nods and gives the man a small hum as his father walks away from the living room to the kitchen. Both of you sit down― Jay sitting on the armchair while you sit on the sofa, the awkward atmosphere standing tall and firm. "I was , um... working on the... the lemonade tent...?" he starts but soon sounds uncertain, so you nod, confirming his doubt. "right, the lemonade tent for your sister, and now I might have to work even harder to make it perfect." you wonder what he meant by that. "What do you mean?" "Nothing." he sounded embarrassed since he coughed right after and looked awkward, leaving more questions in the air. "you'll be working at your little sister's tent?" "Sure, my parents convinced me somehow." you chuckle.

"Now I am sure I'll have to make that tent perfect..." he mutters to himself but you hear it. "Why is that?" you chuckle once again. "What?" he glances at you with desperate, yet, shy eyes― billion thoughts going on his mind after seeing your pretty self sitting on that sofa. You were about to ask Jay what he meant by that, but steps were heard coming from the kitchen so the conversation was over.

"Here is the tea and the cookies," he places it on the center table. "hey, son, get out of my seat." "Why?" you saw the way his father glanced at him, like he was giving that 'mum look'― except it was the 'father look'. And before you knew it, Jay stood up from the armchair and sits on the sofa that you were sat on― a few inches away, of course. With that, you must admit that the awkwardness grew bigger, but thankfully, Mr. James breaks the ice by asking some simple questions or commenting about his work― which you were pretty interested on.

"And how old are you, Y/N?" "I am 20 years old," "Oh?! Really?!" that man had a damn amused smirk on his face and you realised he wasn't glancing at you a few seconds after your response, but at his son. "Aaand, do you have a boyfriend?" "Dad!" you heard Jay yell. "What? I just want to know!" "You're making her feel uncomfortable!" "No, it's okay and... no, I don't have a boyfriend..." "See, son? She's only 3 years younger than you and doesn't have a boyfriend!" "What that has to do with me, dad? Stop that."― ouch! what a cold man!

"That's so cool! I didn't know that you could sculpt something like that out of wood!" you comment with amusement after Mr. James showed you a picture of a wood sculpture he has finished a few years ago― in which he sounds really proud ever since. "I know, right? It took about five months to sculpt this, but it's always worthy to see our clients smile, you know?" you nod. "And this sculpture is like... 6 feet tall so it's massive! It's even taller than me and Jay together!" He jokes and Jay grins at his dad's antics.

When Mr. James was about to share another proud work with you, your phone rings and without a doubt it was your mum, so you don't pick up but announces that you had to go back home. "Already?!" Jay's dad pouts. "I wanted to show you a dog sculpture, but maybe next time..." he shrugs. "Dad she has been here for almost three hours now, she's probably tired," Jay comments without glancing at you, like, at all, focusing on the can of soda he had in hands― you discovered he wasn't a huge fan of tea.

"My son is always getting on my ass..." his dad mutters just to hear a airy laugh coming from Jay. "Alright, Y/N, it was a pleasure to meet you, I hope we can see each other soon." you nod with a smile. "We will, Mr. James, it was my pleasure meeting you two!" you bow your head in respect and walk to the door accompanied by the two owners of the house. "We loved the cookies and tell your dad I said 'hey'." "No problem, will do," you nod your head once again. "Bye, Y/N, pleasure to meet you." Jay gestures with his hand discreetly, leaving you amused. "Bye, Jay, my pleasure to meet you... I'll see you around?" you watch him nod with a closed smirk. "Hopefully." "Hopefully."

So you walk back home with your heart almost beating out of your chest and a big grin across your face, making your mum smirk at the way you walked in the house, already knowing damn well what and who you have encountered in that place.

"Hello, hello! I'm back!" "There is she!" your mum exclaims from the living room and you make your way to talk to her. "There is me!" you open your arms like you were being free from something. "Why are you acting like this?" your mum chuckles, asking you just to make sure she was right. "Like what?" "So excited and happy, haven't seen you that happy since high school," she mutters, putting her glasses back on as she reads a random book.

"Mum! Come on!" you walk up to her and sits on the empty space on the sofa. "We’ve just moved to this house out in the country and we are all together here, everyone is happy and-" you sigh, laying on the sofa and completely ignoring your mum's legs laying on the sofa as well. "And apparently we have amazing neighbours, right?" she gently kicks your head just so you get up. "Is that what you were going to say?" you frown at her with a pout, sitting up. "Amazing neighbours...? What do you mean?" "You know what I mean!" she jokes, laughing out loud while getting up from the sofa.

"Or may I say... amazing neighbour?" "Mum!" you throw a pillow at her while she walks away from the living room after whispering those words at you. "Good night, sweetie! Sell lots of lemonade tomorrow!"― oh, right! The lemonade tent!

Later that same friday night, you decided to call your best friend― Nina― to update about your first day at this new town, and, of course, about your neighbour.

"And he is soooo handsome, Nina! Ugh! I have never seen anyone with a jawline so perfect and such a sexy appeal!" you roll around your bed as you reminisce his face. You hear Nina laughing on the other side of the line. "And you said he, 'apparently', knows how to sculpt on wood and build things, yeah?" "Yeah." "How come are you falling in love with Bobby the Builder, oh my gosh, Y/N!" she jokes and you chuckle. "He's not like Bobby the Builder, he's more like... the Michelangelo of the Bobby Builders." you say and all you hear is silence.

"Oh gosh, Y/N..." "What?" "That's your first impression of him?" Nina sounded shocked. "...Apparently, yeah... why?" "Girl, be careful, you might die from falling from him too hard. I can see you already hit your head, you're not okay!" "What do you mean?!" you whine after a chuckle. "What was that analogy?" she teases you even more by mocking your voice. "Oh he's like the Michelangelo of the Bobby Builders and I hope we marry, have three kids and two dogs― how about that?!" you laugh, trying not to be loud since you didn't want an upset mum knocking on your door― creepy...

"Nina, I know I might sound a little thrilled-" "A little lot thrilled actually," "A lot and pretty much thrilled perhaps, but I am going for it, okay? He's hot, he's my neighbour and he works hard on his stuff." "That's actually great to hear, Y/N― that you recognises his qualities, even though you guys have seen each other once! You're very positive about your future and feelings, I admire that about you."

"Why do I feel like you're being sarcastic...?" you ask with a certain hesitance. "'Cause I am being fucking sarcastic!" "Oh, good... bingo...!" "Y/N, jokes aside, I am here for you no matter what, so, take your time to meet your lover and I hope I can know who is him someday― invite me to your wedding!" "You're so sweet sometimes... Okay, I gotta sleep, tomorrow I have to help my sister sell lemonade, remember?" "Of course I do, you sent me a hundred texts about it anyway." "Alright," you chuckle. "Talk to you later," "Bye," "Bye," "Love you." "Love you too." and with that, you hung up the phone, hoping you could encounter the blond headed boy the next morning.

The day rise a little brighter today and, despite the heat, the weather was good and balanced. This morning you woke up a little early so you could start making the lemonades that you'll be selling with your little sister, and of course, you asked for your mum's review as you sweetened it. "Is it good? Not too sweet but not too sour? How is it?" you ask your mum frenetically. "It's perfect, not too sweet but very refreshing, that's what we need." she nods her head. "Yay!"

"By the way, Y/N, me and your dad are leaving soon because we have to look for a job around the area like we have told you a few times, so-" "But I don't get it, it's saturday, and you're going to do a job interview?" your mum takes off her glasses, abandoning her book and replies: "It's not an job interview, we are looking for opportunities and ways we can invest around this town, you know? So we can be more financially and mentally stable here, okay? It's going to take a few hours so take care of your sister while me and your dad are away― you can do that for us?" you try to babble something but she's already responding to herself. "Yeah? Okay, great, Honey! Let's go!" your mum calls your dad.

"Oh, also," she turns to tell you something else. "There is ice in the freezer and we have a thermal backpack somewhere that you can bring to the tent." "What do you mean we have a thermal backpack? Since when we have that?" "Since your father tried to sell beer on the beach one time and it was an disaster," "You can it an disaster, I can that an investment," your father comes downstairs. "Investment my ass..." your mum scoffs with her arms crossed. "Let's go, Honey, so we don't get home too late today." your dad says, walking to the door. "Okay, bye, Sweetie! Wake your sister up as soon as possible, alright? And make some breakkie for both of you."

You walk over to the door to say good-bye to them. "I will be fine, don't worry." you gesture with your hand and give them a small grin. "Of course you will," your dad mimics your smile and grabs his keys. When he opened the door a familiar masculine figure appeared. "Oh, look who we have here!" your mum exclaims excitedly as she glances at you and winks, clearly teasing you.

"Mr. Y/D/N and Mrs. Y/M/N, hello," Jay gently bows in respect. "I was about to tell you guys that the tent is done and I have placed it on the sidewalk there." he points somewhere that only your parents could learn about. "Oh, no worries, it's a perfect spot, right, Y/N?" and those six eyes were suddenly fixed on you. "Ye-yeah, it's perfect." you nod at Jay with a smile and you notice he smiles back discreetly.

"Jay, do you want to come in?" your mum asks and when you dad was about to complain, she shushes him immediately. "Y/N needs help to make breakfast, can you help her?" "Mum, there's no nee-" she shushes you too. "Uh... Yeah, I can help her..." Jay hesitantly walks in as your mum gives him green light. "Great! If you guys need something, call us," your mum says but quickly whispers on your ear: "Wear condoms and sunscreen, alright?" "Mum!" and she gestures for you to be quiet as you kept your shocked expression. "We might not be here," your dad starts and soon pauses. "but we'll be near, okay?" "Oh, Honey, that was a good one!" "I know, right?!" they both laugh and close the door, and with a blink of an eye it was just you and your neighbour...

"Oh... this is awkward, isn't it?" you try to break the ice as you make your way back to the kitchen, hearing Jay's step behind you. "Not really actually," "You think so?" "I think so." he shrugs so you shrug. And then, as expected, there is silence too. You standing near the kitchen counter discreetly glancing at him and catching him stealing glances at you and Jay standing by the kitchen's door fidgeting on his fingers. "Okay, maybe this is a little awkward..." he admits, walking into the room. "That's what I'm saying!" you chuckle, making him chuckle as well.

"So... this is the lemonade?" you nod, humming. "And you have made how many bottles― slash― jars?" "I think I have made... five (5) big bottles," "Oh, that's more than enough, perfect, I thought you would need help with that." he innocently comments. "Are you saying you thought I wasn't capable of doing such?" you tease him, pretending you were deeply offended by his comment. "No! I just thought you need help since it's early in the morning and-" "It's okay, I'm just joking, Jay," you laugh, easing the atmosphere and you notice the way his shoulders and jaw also eased a bit― relaxed.

"What do you usually have for breakfast so I can help you with that?" he looks at you. "Not saying you can't do such, but you heard your mum: I can and should help you." you grin with amusement and replies what you usually have for breakfast. "Okay, you can sit down and relax a bit, I'll take care of the kitchen," "But I want to help you as well," "You want to help me, Y/N?" "Yeah..." "So sit down and lemme take care of this."

"You're very handsome, sir," "Thank you," he chuckles as he eats his toast. "Your sister is so cute." Jay comments with affection, glancing at her with love and amusement. "Don't you think, sissy?" "What?" "That Uncle Joe is handsome...?" "It's not Joe, it's Jay, Lily..." you correct her with a certain embarrassment. "Oh... right, Jay! But answer me! Isn't him handsome?"

Suddenly the air felt tense. You gulped down that piece of toast like a piece of concrete. However, when you were about to answer, Lily begins to cough like never before― she was actually chocking. Therefore, before you could even blink, Jay, on the alert, gets up, goes to her and performs maneuvers so that she doesn't lose air; and thankfully she stops coughing and gulps down that damn blueberry down.

"Lily! You nearly killed me!" you exclaim as your hand fell to your chest, nervous as you bring her to your lap. "I nearly died!" Lily begins to cry, shocked after what happened. "It's okay, it's okay..." you calm her down until she says: "Uncle Jay, thank you!" she yells between cries and whines. "You're welcome, Lily." you notice his humble smile, clearly relieved. "I am never eating blueberries again!"

An hour later― after that chaotic breakfast incident― you were standing a little away from the lemonade tent, observing Jay placing the sign you and your sister have made on tent and where is supposed to be. And may I mention how much you couldn't take your eyes off that man as he looked so hot just screwing nails.

"Here!" you hear your little sister's voice. "What is that? For me?" you reefer to the piece of paper towel she's holding and offering you. "Yeah, you're kind of drooling a little, sissy..." Lily doesn't look amused by the view as she scrunches her nose. You cringe your shoulders and accept the paper towel as you notice some actual drool coming out of the corner of your mouth.

"Is everything okay?" the now familiar masculine voice asks you and that made you realise how close he got to you in matter of seconds. "Yeah," you turn your head to glance at him. "I'm just... fixing my makeup!" you shrug. "I like your makeup by the way," he comments. "I don't understand nothing about that, but whatever it is, you look great." "Oh... thanks...? I like your shirt." you smile as you point to his shirt. "Oh, really? Thank you." "'Uncle Jay! Uncle Jay!" Lily pokes him. "Mhm?" "And how do I look?" "You look like a princess to me, Lily!" and her giggle sounded so precious to you.

"There you go," Jay placed two chairs for both of you and your sister to sit on. "Thanks, Jay!" you smile. "Thank you, Uncle Jay!" "Your welcome, Lily. Are we done?" "Yeah, I think so- oh, wait, actually, no..." you sounded a little worried. "Why is that? There's something wrong?" "I forgot that damn backpack!" you muttered. "A what?" "That stupid thermal backpack that my mum couldn't tell me where it was!" "Oh..."

"Um... excuse me...?" a woman approached the tent. "Oh, hey, ma'am..." you tried to smiled friendly, worried about the lemonades getting hot. "Can I, um, have a lemonade?" "Wait here, alright? I'll be back." you hear Jay whisper to you, and you tried to ignore how deep his voice sounded against your ear. You just nodded. "Of course!" your little sister responded to the middle age woman. "How many would you like, ma'am?" you asked her this time and she hummed before answering: "Three! For me, my husband and my son."

You muttered a "okay" and got plastic cups you found in one of the moving boxes at home, put some ice in the cup and served with a small straw. "There you go, ma'am. Do you want some help?" "Oh, no problem, my husband is coming soon." she smiled. "Are you guys new here?" "Yes, we are..." you gave her a coy grin as you tried to hide Lily drinking some lemonade. "That's great to hear! Are you guys enjoying the area?" she took a sip on her lemonade, as the other one rested on her left hand and the other one on an empty space of the tent's 'desk'.

"I'm back, did you guys waited too long? I just got a thermal box or something like that," Jay came back and quickly arranged a spot to place that thermal box. "Oh, hello, Mrs. Clark!" he shook hands with her. "How are you doing, Park?" Mrs. Clark friendly asked. "Great," "Are you helping these two now?" "Yeah, I'm trying!" he chuckled.

"I was just asking her if she is enjoying the area, have you helped her out with that?" "What do you mean exactly?" you notice a small frown forming on his face and the way his eyes quickly laid on you. "Uh... you know... she's very pretty and she's new in this neighborhood, you should take her on a date!" Mrs. Clark takes another sip on her lemonade.

"Uh... Mrs. Clark, your husband is coming." Jay pointed behind her somewhere. "Oh, right! Hey Hun'! Look at these cuties selling lemonades!" she placed the small plastic cup on the tent's 'desk' and yelled since her husband was a little far away. "How much do I own you, girls?" "Fifteen ($15) dollars!" you heard the woman chuckle, amused by your little sister's antics. "You're so cute! Here's five dollars, two dollars of tip, is that alright?" "That's not a great tip, ma'am-" "It's perfect, Mrs. Clark! Thank you for helping us out!" you smiled while shushing Lily with your hand― Jay laughing in the background.

"Oh," Mrs. Clark giggled. "nice to meet you, girls, I'll see you two and that man around!" Jay waved at her. "Bye!" "Bye!" you waved as you watched her husband help with holding the plastic cups. You kept the money in a tip jar, even though not all of them were actually tips.

A few hours and a few more clients later, you have made a considerable amount of money and friends― just like your mum have told you. "Sissy, I think I'm getting burn by the sun!" "Oh, yeah? I'll grab it at home for you, wait here. Jay, can you-" Lily shared with you with a giggle, but Jay seemed to have heard it as well. "Y/N, here, I have it." and in a blink of an eye, he stood up from the chair he was sat on and grabbed the sunscreen from the backpack he brought and gave it to you. "Oh... thank you, Jay," "It's my pleasure," Jay shrugged slightly. "Lily, say 'thank you' to Jay!" you whispered. "Thank you Uncle Jay!" "You're welcome, princess." Jay smiled and sat back on the chair.

However, a client walk up to the tent while you were applying sunscreen to Lily's little face, making that a little difficult to manage. Therefore, thank gosh you had Jay on your back because, even though that was the bare minimum, you thought it was cute the way he stood up from the chair― almost immediately after seeing you struggle― and treat the client with kindness and sense of humour. It seems like he was so attentive with everything it makes your heart slowly melts every time he acts so gentle like that.

"Thank you, Jay... again," It's my pleasure... again." he smile with a hint of shyness, bowing his head discreetly and sat back down. "Sissy...?" Lily asked you as you gave the sunscreen back to Jay. "Aren't your cheeks getting burned like mine?" "Um... no...? I don't think so, why?" "Why are they red then?" "Oh?" and Jay giggles on the background, receiving narrowed eyes from you.

"Oh, Y/N, do you need some sunscreen for yourself too?" he jokes and extents his hand holding the sunscreen to you. "Come here, I can help you with that," but you refused, turning your face to look away. However, he got up from the chair for the hundred time and walked up to you. "Why are you making things difficult, huh? Lemme help you with that blush." he gently turned your face by your chin to face him. "Oh, yeah, Lily, you were right! Your sissy's cheeks are burnt!" Jay joked again.

"Stop that!" "He's trying to help you, sissy! Uncle Jay help her..." Lily innocently said and you pouted with annoyance. "You heard heard her, Y/N, lemme help you." "But I'm not sun burnt!" you swerve from his hand. "So what is that red I see? Kind of pink on your cheeks?" "It's... rosacea...?!" Jay giggles and says: "You're impossible! I give up!" he surrenders himself.

"Me, Uncle Jay! Me! Sunscreen!" Lily starts to jump with excitement, trying to get Jay's attention to apply sunscreen on her face. "Oh? You want me to apply sunscreen on you?" "Yeah!" Jay glanced at you, a little hesitant. "Go ahead," you nodded and let him. "only if I get to be next..." you muttered to yourself. "What?" "What..?!"

Later that day, while you and Jay were tidying up everything and walking back to your home― Lily significantly helping you two as well― Mrs. Clark suddenly walked up to you guys and said: "Uh... good evening!" "Oh, Mrs. Clark? Our lemonade tent has been clo-" "Oh, no, I don't want any lemonade right now; even though it tasted really good..." an question mark was still hanging on both of yours and Jay's head.

"I was wondering if the lemonade tent will be open on sunday," "Tomorrow?" "Yeah," she pauses to cough, sounding a little embarrassed. "tomorrow..." "Uh... yeah, sure, why though?" "Because I was wondering if Lily would like to come over to my son's party tomorrow..." "Oh, is your son's birthday tomorrow, Mrs. Clark?" Jay asks with an raised eyebrow, interested. "Yes! And we are organising a simple but significant party and since you guys are new around the area, I thought it would be great if Lily could go!"

"Mrs. Clark thank you for your invitation, I will talk to my parents and do you mind if I could get your number so I can give you and update if she's coming or not?" "Of course!" "Great, and what's your son's name?" "Luca," "Beautiful name by the way." "Thank you," she gives your her number and starts to walk away. "I hope I see you there Lily!" she waves and you smile as you watch Lily wave at her back.

"Who's birthday is that?" Lily stood up from the chair and Jay took the opportunity to put it away. "Mrs. Clark's son and she invited you-" "I am going!" Lily starts to run up to the woman, but you grabbed her arm. "It's only tomorrow Lily! And we have to talk to mum and dad, okay?" you notice her pout but she nodded gently. "Okay! But I'm going!" you let out an airy chuckle and patted her shoulder. "We'll see..."

You and your mum were having your nightly hang out by midnight. Both of you on the sofa― you laying your head on her lap while she plays with your hair.

"Of course she can go! I have talked to Mrs. Clark a while ago when we came up here to visit some houses, she's a sweetheart!" "A little nosy though-" you point it out. "Why?!" your mum frowned like she felt offended by your comment. "Because, look, we were talking to her and she suddenly says that Jay should ask me on a date!" your mum chuckle before commenting back: "She ain't wrong though..."

"Mum!" "What?! She's right! James's son is a gentleman, isn't he? He helped you all day today, haven't been disrespectful with you or Lily― really different from those boys you have brought home back then..." "Mum, it has been like, five (5) years?! Get over it!" she shook her head with pursed lips. "You're lucky I am a mum who supports you, Y/N," you roll your eyes. "and don't roll your eyes because you know I am right!" your mum gently pats your arm.

Suddenly, your phone starts ringing, so you sit up on the sofa and stare at the screen. However, the number calling your phone was unknown, so you hang up as always; and usually these unknown numbers would stop calling you for a few days, but this number called you again... and again... and again... "Who is calling you so much?!" your mum even comments. "I don't know!" so you finally pick up this time.

"What?!" you pick up a little annoyed. "Who is it?" your mum whispers, curious and nosy, but you gesture her to wait. "Uh... Y/N?" a masculine and very familiar voice echoes on the other end of the line. "Jay?!" you notice your mum covering her mouth with excitement and shock, making you pinch her arm gently while grinning with excitement as well. "Yeah..." his voice sounded a little hesitant and shaky as he chuckled. "sorry for insisting on calling, I should've stopped on the second try..." he chuckle once again, a little embarrassed this time. "No, no, it's okay!"

"Put on speaker mode!" your mum, still curious, whispers on your ear, so you decide to get up from the sofa and go upstairs to your room so you could have so privacy. "I even thought to myself if wasn't too late to call you but, oh well, it worked somehow..." "Yeah..." you smile to yourself as you lay on your bed, awkwardness winning over embarrassment.

"So... how did you get my number, Jay? Because I'm sure I haven't give it to you..." "It's a secret..." he muttered with a funny tone, so you giggled. "And why did you call me?" "Uh... this is kind of embarrassing but I kind of- wanted to... uh... talk to you, you know? Hear your voice somehow..." "Oh?!" "Was that too much? Yeah... I'm so-" "No! It's okay, I was actually talking about you earlier," you closed your eyes tightly, thinking you just gave some unnecessary information to him. "Oh, really?" he let out a proud giggle, so you just know he had that damn smirk attached to his lips.

"I was talking about you too," he pauses. "Well, not actually talking about you, but thinking about you. That's why I decided to call you..." you hummed in understatement and a few seconds of silence predominated before he asks you: "Y/N, I was actually, uh... wondering if you would or could like," he pauses again. "like, go on a date with me tomorrow night..." his voice tone came up a bit hesitant and to try to break the ice, you let out a muffled giggle as you laugh against your pillows. "Are you okay?"

You recompose yourself by coughing a little and replying: "Why are you asking me on a date?"― Y/N! That's not something you should ask someone who's asking you out!― you think to yourself. "Uh... because- I-I- want to get to know you and-" "No, it's okay, I just asked you something stupid, you don't need to get much on details..." "Oh, okay, if you think so," a moment of silence grows, so when you thought your awkwardness would let that opportunity go away, Jay asks you again: "So... would you like to go out on a date with me?"

So you smile with joy and excitement just with the thought. With that you say: "Yeah- I mean, yes, sure, when?" "Tomorrow-" "Tomorrow? Yeah, fine... really fine..." "Is everything okay?" "Everything's really okay..." your voice sounded like it was melting out of giddiness. "Oh, yeah?" "Yep!" "Glad to hear that much of excitement, I hope I can see you that excited maybe around...?" "Around 8(pm)?" "Around 8, perfect." you try to let out a discreet giggle.

"Where are we going?" "Do you like pasta?" "Yeah," "What about steak?" "I like that too, yeah," "So add my number and I'll pick up around 8." "You have a car?" you ask, genuinely curious. "Yeah! Is that a problem about that?" Jay chuckles. "Nothing! I just... didn't know..." "That's why I we should go out more often― to know each other better, pretty."

After that call you received last night, once you woke up this morning and went to get breakfast, the first thing you heard was a question coming from your mum― something like: "What happened last night?". And when you told her you had a date with Jay tonight, she jumped like crazy! Your father, who happened to be walking past the kitchen while you were eating breakfast and watching your mum jump around, when he discovered the reason, he almost passed out― what do you mean his first little girl just got asked on a date?! especially with his friend's/neighbour's son! He is kind of happy and is happy, don't worry about it.

And about Lily's appointment? The Mrs. Clark son's party? Well, she's out around 6 pm and your parents were surprisingly invited to come over the party as well. By the way, you were invited as well, but of course you refused since you have an appointment around 8 and you weren't planning to get late to your date.

So around 6 pm, your parents and your sister were getting ready to leave while you were still deciding what do wear. Your sister, of course, got a little confused why you weren't coming with them at first, but after your mum said you were going out with, quote: "Uncle Jay", she got overly excited and wanted to come with you as well― but of course you and your mum said no, just like the last time you were coming to your neighbour's house to give them homemade cookies.

Once your parents and Lily left, you were left alone, so you quickly pull out your phone and called your emotional support number: Nina― to ask for help on what to wear.

"Should I wear this dress?" you show her a dress with dots pattern on facetime. "What is that?!" she clearly scrunched up her nose. "When did you get that?" "I don't know either, my mum gave me this a while ago," "I didn't know your mum hated you, girl!" Nina jokes and you chuckle as you look for another option while throwing all of the rejected options on your bed.

"What about this one?" "Y/N," she pauses, trying to find the words with a dead serious face. "a― whatever this is― animal print in the big 2025 is not it, next!" "But I thought this was cu-" "And I thought I said next!" "You're rude!" "And you're wasting my time showing me these ugly dresses!" "Ugh, so tell me your ideas!" "Uh... I know! Did you bring that silk and smooth, sexy and shiny black dress of yours?" "I think so..." "That's the one, trust me. That man will be on his knees for you!"

And guess what? Nina wasn't lying, you looked incredible in that silk dress. The dress is black and its collar comes up to your neck by a species of necklace. The dress is backless and it's flowy, yet, elegant. With that done, you did your makeup― not too much, but not too less, just the perfect amount of everything. Your hair was put up in a bun you managed to style in a way it looked harmonic with the dress. You, also, didn't lose the chance to wear lots of accessories that would make everything pop even more, making you the brightest start tonight― and surely the only thing Jay would have eyes on all night, despite the road as he drives.

You grabbed a black purse you have and inside it you had your lip-gloss, your phone and a small bottled perfume― just necessary things! You were wearing a comfortable high heel you used maybe once or twice since you bought it. You then, proceeded to spray that expensive perfume of yours― that one you only wear when it's an special occasion― and you were ready to leave! Or, better, to wait for him.

You were downstairs sitting on the sofa, patiently and nervously, constantly checking on your phone and the time, afraid that you would lose something anytime. However, you didn't even need to be that aware since the doorbell rang― your heart skipped a bit instantly. You stood up from the sofa after that bit scared you got and with courage, opened the door with a beautiful smile.

Jay was wearing a dark blue formal shirt, the collar open just enough, a black tailored trousers and, of course, a beige coloured analogical watch. Also, by the way, his hair looked very tidy and shiny― all of that making you realise how handsome he is and looks.

"Wow... you look... so, so beautiful, Y/N- I mean, you are beautiful, but- wow..." "Stop that, Jay..." you gesture at him while giggling shyly. "I won't stop, only if you let me give you a ride in my car," "Is that so?" you tease him. "That is so." he nods and you chuckle, rolling your eyes at his antics. However, you accept his offer and get in the car― Jay get in the car after opening the door for you.

"Wanna know something, Y/N?" you hummed along, curious. "I actually lied..." your soft expression turned into a frown. "About...?" "I will never and won't stop complimenting you," he paused and glanced at you with a hint of sentiment in his eyes. "you are perfect."

During the drive, you two chatted a few minutes before arriving at the restaurant, and, thankfully, Jay made a reservation, because the restaurant seemed busy; with people even waiting for tables. And, by the way, you thought that the way he took your hand, helping you to leave the car like a gentleman, made your heart melt a little.

"Hello, I have a reservation under the name 'Park'," "Good evening for you two," an elegant and, as it seemed, friendly lady greeted you two. "I'll check here..." she hummed as she checked the names written on a paper. "ah, here it is." she then proceeded to nudge another lady and walked back to her spot. "She will guide you guys to your table." and finally she smiled and you and Jay followed her instructions. "Thank you."

"Let's go?" the other lady smiled and began to walk in the restaurant, you and Jay following every step that she made around the place. "Here is your table, Sir, I hope both of you enjoy your night and dinner; our server is coming soon, feel comfortable." she bowed her head. "What's your name?" Jay asked and then she replied: "Bella." "Thank you, Bella." Bella bowed her head once again with a sweet smile and left in a blink of an eye.

Before you sat on your chair, Jay quickly dragged the chair a few inches back and gestured for you to sit down, so you did. You placed your purse by your side on the chair― right on the corner. "Romantic, huh?" Jay commented after sitting down on his chair, nodding to the candle on the center of the table. "Yeah..." you chuckled.

"Good evening, couple," "Hello," Jay smiled at the server. "my name is Jake and I'm going to be your server for tonight, okay?" "perfect, Jake." you nodded along. "Perfect for me too, Sir." Jake smiled and placed the menus on the table. "There is our dinner menu and wine menu, and if you guys are ready to order anything, please tell me or call me anytime, alright?" both of you nodded at the same time. "Great, are you guys interested on ordering something right now?" "Are you?" Jay asked you and you shook your head shyly and gently. "Not now, thank you." "Excuse me then."

"This place is beautiful and surprisingly quiet," you heard Jay chuckling. "Why is that?" "Because," you let a discreet scoff. "haven't you seen the amount of people waiting just to get a table? And it seems that the whole restaurant is almost full..." you comment. "I tried to choose the most reserved table here," he sounded so nonchalant about it while looking at the menu. "Really?" you let out a shy, yet surprised, smile. He nodded and smiled as he quickly glanced up at you.

"Do you like what kind of wine, pretty?" the corner of your lips slowly twitch into a smirk, but you hold it in, treating the pet name as if's nothing. "I don't really know, would you mind helping me choose one?" he hummed as he looked through the menu. "Would you like something sweet or more alcoholic?" "Definitely sweet," "Something lighter or bolder?" "Mhm... light." "Alright," Jay nodded his head like he understood the assignment and called Jake with hand gesture.

"Yes?" he approached the table. "We would like to order, for starters, the wine: Moscato― please," "Of course, It'll be here in a minute, Sir, anything else?" "We are still deciding, thank you." "My pleasure," and he walked away after a small head bow to grab the wine― you assumed.

Soon, you started to search for something that would interest you on the menu as a starter. "Have you decided anything yet?" "Have you?" "I mean, I come here sometimes and I have my favourites," "I trust you then, try to surprise me," you smirked playfully and he kisses his teeth against your teasing. You notice the way he blushed and fixed his postured on the chair. He cleaned his throat and said: "Trust me, I will."

A few hours later into that date, you were a little less sober and full. The food was sooooo good and that made you think that Jay had a great taste in everything. You guys were talking about everything as well. About personal life, past and future. Desires and ambitions. Opinions and thoughts mainly on relationships too.

"Why aren't you drinking any?" you reefer to the wine. "Because I have to drive, pretty," he takes a sip on his water. "Oh... right." you pursed your lips as you nodded and you took a sip on your wine this time. "I promise next time I'll drink with you." "Next time, huh?" you grinned a little tipsy. "You don't want to have a next time?" "Of course I want to! I love yo-" you had a small hiccup. "your sense of humour and just-" hiccup "talking to you." hiccup and Jay's giggle. "Sorry," "Don't need to apologise, you're so cute by the way." you notice the affectionate way he smiled at you. w

"It makes me wonder how you don't have a boyfriend-" "I don't have a boyfriend, yet." you muttered, hoping that he would hear somehow. "Come again?" that smirk of his made you wonder if he really hadn't heard that, so you replied: "Nothing..." shyly.

Therefore, all of the sudden, Jay got up from his seat and dragged his chair closer to you― to your side and cleaned his throat with a hint of hesitance and coyness. "Y/N," you hum, glancing at him, feeling small in a good way. "tell me:" he pauses and grabs your hand. "do you believe in love at first sight?"

A shiver came down to your spine and you gulped down an sip of wine tightly. "Did I make you uncomfortable? Shit, sorry-" you felt his frustration creeping so you tried to ease the atmosphere. "No, it's okay, I-" you try to find words, but nothing seemed right to be expressed by words. Consequently, you turned to look at him fully and with that affectionate look that secretly made Jay melt.

He instinctively gently placed his hand on your cheek and quickly took a glance at your lips, making you know how he was taking your action. "May I?" "You should." Your faces were getting closer as the atmosphere turned from a tense to a hot one, just like the summer. "I was waiting for this all nigh-"

"Here's the check!" out of the blue, Jake walked in holding the bill. "Oh- Did I come at a wrong time?" you wanted to reply with a 'what do you think?!', but you decided to turn your face away― just like Jay― and take a last big sip on your wine. "I forgot that I asked for the bill- um..." Jay cleared his throat and quickly checked if the items written down on the check were right and paid. "Thank you, Sir and Ma'am, I hope I see you two soon! Have a great night!" and Jake faded away through the tables.

"Uh... I'm sorry about that, Y/N..." Jay glance at you with a hint of guilty and frustration as well. You just smiled and said: "Hey, it's all alright." you gestured with your hands. "Next time, yeah?" "Of course. And I won't forget to kiss you before asking for the bill."

After leaving the restaurant, Jay drove both of you home― since he is your neighbour. During the drive, you two talked more about personal life and you finally discovered that since Jay was a kid, his dad taught him how to sculpt on wood and what each tool's functionality. You thought that was cute, imagining his little self holding a hammer twice as his hand's size. Yes, his father and him are carpenters.

"Thank you for driving me home, neighbour," you said right after he pulled up to your house. You smirked and he let out an airy laugh. "Always, pretty neighbour," he teased you back before leaving the car and opening the door for you like a gentleman he is. "Thank you for opening the door for me as well." "Not big deal." and he smiled. That smile. So you automatically smiled back, and both of you giggled. "That was something..." you commented, teasing him just to hear his hum and his hand waiting to be taken― so you could leave the car.

You two approached your house's porch and before you walked in your home, you said: "Jay, tonight was perfect and I loved the restaurant― everything! All thanks to you." you spoke with a shy smile this time and he gently caressed your cheek with the back of his hand. "You said 'next time', remember? But I don't think I can wait for next time, so please..." remember that sentiment in his eyes you couldn't really figure out? Now you know: it's desire, desperation, curiosity and affection. "Let me kiss you just a little tonight, mhm? Please?" You couldn't say anything, so you just nodded and waited to meet his lips. "Yeah...?" he hummed to himself, a bit surprised and desperate.

The kiss definitely kept with the feelings of that atmosphere, such as romance, desperation and curiosity. Your lips and tongue tasted like fine wine and Jay's tongue quickly figured that out. You were imagining what if a neighbour happen to walk past two lovers kissing on your house's porch like this is a scene coming out of a romance book, but that thought quickly faded away after Jay pulled you harder and kissed you harder with more desire.

Therefore, you pulled away a few minutes into kissing. "I need to go..." you muttered a bit embarrassed because you were the one who broke the kiss. "Oh... yeah, it's kind of late isn't it?" he noticed you started laughing at him. "Wha- what happened?!" "Nothing," you nudged his hand away from his face in a discreet act. "go home, is late!" you said, walking in your home. "And, Jay!" he laid his eyes on you. "I love your new lip-gloss!" "My... what?!" "Bye! Have a great night!" so you closed the door.

Jay pulled his phone from his pocket and saw lip-gloss smeared and smudged all over his lips and he could just stand there and laugh, reminiscing how good your lips felt against his.

Later that night, like usual, you were eating some crisps while your mum crocheted something, but you couldn't figure out what. By the way, earlier, when you entered home, your parents and Lily were asleep so you figured out you could take a shower and just go to sleep. However, your mum woke up as soon as she heard your murmurs through the hallway, that's why we ended up in the daily midnight talk.

"Mum," she hummed as you turn to glance at her. "since when you do crochet?" "Since I was... 10 (of age) or something." and then she shrugged before glancing at you back. "Why?" "Tell me why I have never seen you do crochet before?" you reasoned and she just chuckled, stealing a crisp from the bag you were holding. "'Look, my beloved daughter," she cleared her throat. "when you conceive two girls, you don't have time to even blink! And your father was always at work so I didn't have time to do it (crochet)." you hummed in understatement.

"But dad didn't help you at all?" "Of course he helped me!" your mum sounded a bit offended by your question, so you even apologised mentally. "He always helped when whenever he could. I remember when we found out we were having our first girl and your dad couldn't stop jumping from happiness in the middle of the ultrasound room..." she let out a airy laugh as she probably reminded of the past. "And he kept looking for jobs so we could afford the best for you. So, yeah, he helped me and you a lot." she pauses and stop crocheting for a few seconds. "I think that when you are a new mother, letting go of things you used to do to and for yourself comes with the wave."

"That's actually really depressing, mum," you frown with an apologetic look on your eyes. "Stop that!" she speaks between her teeth in a playfully way. "But I am back to crocheting, you and your sister are blooming like flowers and- wow," she pauses, getting back on her crochet. "time flies." and you couldn't agree more, nodding your head.

"I remember when Lily was born," you comment and she glances at you with a small smile. "Really? What did you think when you saw her?" "I thought I was going to be forgotten or, you know," you say vaguely. "be left aside." your mum hums, as if she understands how this was going. "I felt the same way as you when your uncle was born. Even though I was the third children out of three other brothers, I felt just like you did..." she admits and you nod along. "But you and dad have never let that happen. That feeling or thought never came up to my head ever since, thanks to you, mum, and dad." you notice that your mum starts sniffling but trying to be sneaky with it.

"I'm glad to hear that." "Awn... mum, why are you crying?" you sat closer to her and rubbed her shoulder. "No, it's okay, I am just really happy to hear that." she grins at you with a look of proud. "My baby is growing so fast..." muttering to herself, she caresses your cheek. "As a mum we always demand so much from ourselves and that's why we try to make our children's lives easier― so that they don't suffer, so yes, I'm happy to hear that I did a good job." you smiled and hugged her tightly. "I am happy to hear that you are happy, mum. I love you." "I love you sweetheart." and she sniffles a few more times.

"So now tell me more about your date!" she gently pushes you away, replacing that emotional grin to an excited one. "What else? I think I have told you everything," you reply as you shrug. "But what about Lily? Did she enjoy the party?" "Oh, I'm sure she did!" your mum replies with a smirk. "What is that smirk?" you squint your eyes, putting your chip bag aside. "I'm just saying that she enjoyed the party and she may, perhaps, have a crush just like you..." your mum mutters with a mischievous smile.

"Are you kidding me?!" you cover your mouth with your hand, surprised. "Shush! But yeah, I think so." "Why is that?" you ask. "I know that they have the innocence thing, but, I thought it was so cute when they were distributing the pieces of the cake, and Luca (Mrs. Clark's son) came up to our Lily and gave her a particular big and beautiful piece." "Awn... what a gentleman!" you comment with excitement. "I know! And as I observed, he was always playing with her― sometimes playing just with Lily." "That's so cute..." your mum hums. "And- oh! At the end of the party, I called Lily so we could go back home and he gave her a little peck on her cheeks!" even you feel flustered by just listening.

"But how dad reacted?" "Your dad is like a potato anyway, he didn't see anything or realised anything. I have cat eyes," she gestures with her fingers. "I can see everything, and I can see that my two daughters are in love." your phone rings, apparently a text notification. "Who is it?" "Jay," "Of course is Jay," your mum teases you and you roll your eyes at her antics. "He sent a picture...?" "Let me see!" she puts her crochet away and quickly sat even closer to you as you opened his message. "No! Mum, look away!" you nudge her away. "You're so petty..." she kisses her teeth.

"Mum...!" you look at her with worried eyes and she quickly glances at you, worried as well. "What?!" "I think I'm in love..." "Well, it's what your dad said earlier," "What dad said?" "When life gives you lemonade, make lemons, life will be all like: whaaaat?" "Isn't: when life gives you lemons make lemonade?" you frown. "Yeah, but I never said I was going to say something smart, you should know your dad."

© 𝓪𝐦𝐞𝐥𝐢𝓮, 𝗺𝗹𝘆𝘀𝗰𝗵𝗮 ⋆ 25ᵎᵎ

[lsunstreakerl]

I've got some more thoughts about this one that may or may not get posted, and it's a bit sporadic and all over the place, but here's 1.2k of. I'm not actually sure how to describe them.

if you actually work or volunteer on any of the following: alpine rescue, SAR teams, cave diving rescue, firefighter, helicopter pilot, or mountaineering and/or rescue work in general, (thank you for everything you do) I'm going to need you to look the other way on the numerous and egregious inaccuracies in this work and any others following it <3

no warnings here, relationships are confusing even to me as the author, and they're v fluid, so. more than one thing going on here. max POV.

Max is a light sleeper— it's a perk of the job. Unfortunately, it also means he wakes up at the press of lips to his forehead and warm fingers resting against his jaw, blinking a few times in the dark.

He makes a soft noise, tilting his head up to catch Nico's gaze. He can see the watch on the other man's wrist, illuminated faintly in the dark— it's early, only three. Nico brushes his thumb across his cheek, eyes gentle.

"My team has a call."

Max makes another noise, still sleepy, and rolls his face back into the pillow. There's a volunteer group staying in the bunkhouse this month, so they've all had to double up, and being team leads comes with the perk of getting a private room, but it still only has one bed.

He wrinkles his nose, brain booting up unwillingly. Three in the morning is a fine line between being the night crew or not— but it's Sebastian who's calling the shots this rotation, and Max trusts him.

He slides a hand out from the warmth of the covers, finding Nico's fingers and squeezing them.

"Be safe. Do not be stupid."

Nico laughs, and then his fingers are ruffling through Max's hair before he tugs the duvet and blankets back up across Max's shoulders.

He can hear the sound of Nico pulling on his base layers in the dark, and then the creak of the door. Just like that, he's gone. Max rolls back into the middle of the bed, taking a deep inhale and trying to settle back down. It smells like both of their shampoo and Nico's aftershave.

It's not a terrible smell.

------

Max is toweling off his hair from the shower when Lewis calls him. It's an annoying new development, ever since the other man learned that while Nico might not always pick up, Max does.

"Verstappen speaking."

"Hey man, sorry to interrupt. Nico isn't taking my calls at the moment, you know anything about that?"

Max is glad it's just a phone call, because the face he makes speaks louder than any words could.

"He is obviously on the mountain, Hamilton."

"Oh, I didn't— huh. We didn't get any call down here?"

To his credit, Lewis sounds genuinely confused. It's fair, since he'd come from a SAR unit in America where the ground teams and the mountain teams tend to work together, but he's been around here long enough to know better. He's just trying to get information out of Max.

"They are using the heli to get out, if the weather is willing."

Lewis is quiet for a moment over the line.

"And if it's not?"

Max shrugs before remembering Lewis can't see him.

"Then it will be a shitshow, of course."

------

He keeps himself busy during the day. Gym, pool, observing the rappelling class the volunteers are working through. Three hour power nap.

How Nico's team does is none of his business. They're experienced, and if he spent every day worrying about the other teams, he'd never have a moments worth of rest.

He lights a candle for them in the chapel anyway.

------

He's playing FIFA when the overhead announces a helipad landing. It's starting to get late, and he's deeply relieved that Nico's team had gotten back before the sun had truly dipped behind the mountains— they're not experts in the dark.

That's what Max's team is for.

He leaves the controller abandoned in the lounge as he makes his way upstairs, hands tucked deep into his pockets. The chill air from the open bay doors whips against his face as he steps inside— EMS is already getting ready to leave, rescued climbers triaged and loaded into the waiting ambulances.

Nico is still in all of his gear, neon green jacket with a reflective ROSBERG stamped across his back. There's snow built up on his coat, climbing harness stiff with ice. His boots are going to have to get hosed down in the mudroom— Max can't even see the original bright blue he knows they are.

Max steps forward to help undo the straps of his helmet, because Nico's fingers are stiff where they're tucked into a warm heat pack. All of his gear is freezing. He blinks at Max slowly, snow frozen across his lashes, and Max quirks his head to the side as he hooks Nico's helmet over his fingers, working next at freeing the beanie underneath.

He keeps his voice soft enough that the others won't overhear him.

"Will you be able to shower on your own?"

Nico simply blinks again, and Max rolls his eyes, starting next on the multitude of zippers that put together Nico's outer layers of jackets and snow pants.

"That is fine. I will go with you."

Part of being team lead means being strong— stronger than humanly possible. It means that when things feel impossible, their team needs to be able to look at them and trust.

Earning that trust was the easy part. The real difficult lies in maintaining that image, which often requires them to lean on each other, instead of their teams. Showing weakness is only human— but getting off the mountains is more often than not an experience that is, at its core, beyond human.

He sees Mick out of the corner of his eye checking in with Kimi, cracking a heat pack for the larger man. The rest of Nico's team is in good hands, which just leaves Nico.

"Come on then."

He tugs Nico carefully into a hallway, leading them into the mudroom as he helps strip a few more layers off, all branded with ROSBERG until he gets to the final few base layers. He'll save them for the shower.

Nico's clothes get hung out on a rack to thaw before they can be cleaned, and he's still staring blankly as Max pulls off his socks, helping him into his slides.

The mind consuming numbness of the cold... it's something they all understand well. He guides them down past the bunks and communal showers, nudging them back into the private bedroom they've been sharing. He catches a glimpse of Nico's base layers, the worn and faded HAMILTON-ROSBERG stretched thin across his shoulders.

Nico wakes up slightly while Max turns the shower on, letting warm water flow over his fingers as he checks the temperature. Not too hot, but warm enough to help him ease the chill. Nico's stripping completely down, albeit slowly.

Max takes the opportunity to slip into the closet and grab them both warm, dry clothes. He'll probably have to call Lewis later, as annoyed as he is at the thought. If the two of them could communicate like normal adults, his life would be easier.

------

There's nothing sexual about showering with Nico. Mostly, Max is checking for hypothermia. He lets Nico stand under the bulk of the spray, carefully carding shampoo through his hair. The other man is starting to drop, wobbling on his feet as he finally comes down from the high. They'd been out on the mountain for eighteen hours— it's no wonder Nico's out of steam.

Max barely gets him out of the shower and into dry clothes before he's dragging them both into the bed. He clings around Max sleepily, fingers slipping under his shirt, nose tucked into his neck. Max lets him.

[impmansloot]

you're not "morally inferior" if you hc hans as comphet gay but i do think you're ignoring a bunch of text for no reason and while you can do whatever you want i can still have my own opinion on that alright

[shra-vasti]

OKAY! I've been reading this review since YESTERDAY and I've lost the count of times I've read it without squealing in happiness🙏 Rae, my baby♥️ I don't even know how to thank you properly, ITS NOT GOING TO BE ENOUGH I KNOW!!

About Sunghoon, I've said this countless of times and I'll say it again, thank you so much everyone for showering Sunghoon with so much love♥️♥️ he deserves every ounce of it I know😔 like where will we find a man as selfless, loyal and full of love like Sunghoon?? He has so much love in his heart, I hope he'll find someone who will create safe space for him to show it! I LOVED WRITING HIS CHARACTER THE MOST!

About Ava- I totally get your point of view, she did what she did because she never got the attention she wanted. Which doesn't excuse her actions and she's still dense enough to not realize what she did wrong but yeah I felt pity of her, not in a sympathetic way but more like, "how much depraved of love you need to be to act like that" but she was low-key narcissist, and ofcourse manipulative.

About their kiss, girl! I tried very hard for it to be messy and raw! It would be weird if suddenly they acted lovey dovey with each other just after Jay left her because she lied to him. Like imagine you share your vulnerable feelings with someone you believe is a good person just to know they knew the solution to your problem but they still decided to let you drown in your hurt instead of saving you. Jay was hurt but also so in love to not do anything!!!

Also, TMI but this is the first time I wrote smut so I was second guessing posting with it but then decided to post it anyway!

I wrote that poem (if you'll call it poem) back in 2021 and when I was writing this fic I suddenly remembered it and thought "oh this suits their dynamic well" so I did some edits in it and incorporated it in the fic.

Yes! Like it was mentioned in PART 1- the reader had issues with having healthy relationships, be it her toxic first boyfriend Joon who crossed her boundaries or Ava who befriended her just so she could shine more beside her. YN always knew she was treated bad, she just needed someone to be there for her which she ditched them and HYPHENIX provided her that safe environment. I really love her friendship with Sunghoon, Heeseung and especially Jake.

About Sunghoon and his pretty girl, both of them loved each other dearly, and while YN did love Sunghoon, her heart always belonged to Jay. Maybe if the letter thing never happened and Jay never knew about her feelings, she would've definitely chose Sunghoon. But unlike Sunghoon, Jay loved her even when he didn't know what she looked like, he was just manipulated into another relationship.

And to say you got out of your writer's block because of this? It's like the highest form of compliment I've received! I'm glad I could encourage someone to not stop writing🥺🥺 thank you @mrsjjongstby my love for this review. I'll forever cherish you and your words of affirmation whenever I feel like I'm lacking. I love you so much♥️ Thanks for taking your time to read this😭😭

Also go and check out my girl @mrsjjongstby work, she writers amazing stories too♥️♥️♥️ I'm in love with her writing!! The way she portrays the characters? The tension between them? The uniqueness of her concepts? Chef kiss😩😩😩

I DON'T LIKE YOUR GIRLFRIEND, PJS (PART 2)

• SYNOPSIS: A fleeting encounter with Park Jay at a high school party leaves a quiet imprint on your then broken heart. Years later, you find him again, now as an icy guitarist of the campus boy band, HYPHENIX. You never spoke again, but you remembered his eyes, his words, his presence and how he lingered at the back of your mind years after. You wanted to reach for him, but he was so far, popular, untouchable that you decided to pour your heart to him in secret, until the secret was revealed but someone else claimed it before you could.

Or in which you pour your heart into anonymous letters for the cold, distant guitarist, Jay, only to watch your best friend claim every word as her own.

• PAIRING: Park Jongseong (Jay) x afab!reader

• WORD COUNT: 20.9k

• CONTENT TAGS: Non idol au, university settings, angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, strangers to lovers, slow burn, shy reader x popular Jay, down bad reader, betrayal, abandonment, miscommunications or lack of communications, profanities, name calling, stereotyping, best friend's boyfriend, reader is nosy and loves other people's business way too much (my twin fr), fear of rejection and unwanted attention, body image issues in the beginning, toxic relationships and friendships, low-key stalker reader, reader wears glasses, not proofread, lmk if I missed anything.

• WARNING TAGS: MDNI, smut, soft dom!Jay, sub!reader, choking, hair pulling, dry humping, oral (fem receiving), multiple orgasms, reader isn't a virgin but is inexperienced.

PART 1

• AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is the second part, I hope you'll like it. Your likes, comments and reblogs are always welcomed and appreciated. Thank you so much for showering my write ups with your love. Happy reading♡♡

Your heels clack sharply against the tiles, still you're moving, pushing away people from your way, almost knocking over drinks that were kept on the counter. By the time you're near the door, he's already walking down the stairs. You turn around briefly to look at Ava's room from where Jay walked out but you were disappointed to see her nowhere in sight. The thought made you angry, if she was going to take what should've been yours she should've at least done it properly. She should've taken care of his heart, she should've at least pretended to care, instead she didn't even make an effort to follow him out. You turned back around, feet barely stable as you ran down the stairs, "Jay, wait!"

His steps don't flatter, his shoulders hunched as he walked towards his car, you increased your pace, because you couldn't see him like this, couldn't watch him walk away from her, away from you, when he doesn't even know the whole truth behind everything that is happening in his life. His steps slow down as he reaches near his car and you extend your hand to grab his arm. "Jay-" your fingers clasp around his jacket, "wait please." And he stops, not because he wanted to but because the voice that rang in his ears is yours and not hers. His shoulders stiffened, then he spun, and suddenly, before you could even react, he crashed into your arms with a force which felt more emotional than physical. His arms circled around your waist tightly as a sob escaped his lips.

You sighed deeply, unable to form words as his body shook in your arms. You held him tightly, one hand cradling his head as he buried his head in your neck. You stayed still, trying to be his anchor when his world was falling apart right in your arms. You could feel his tears slide down your chest from your neck, you rubbed his back in order to console him. After a while his sobs subsided but his hold on you remained tight, not too much to hurt but enough to remind you of their presence on your body, firm enough to know you won't disappear. He pulled away from you, his movements abrupt as if someone had just poured a bucket of ice water on him in the middle of the winter. He took a few steps back, hands grasping the door of his car. He looked at you.

"What are you doing here?" His eyes glassy as he questioned you, his gaze fell behind your figure to see if there's anyone else. You took a few deep breaths to calm yourself, ears ringing and eyes sensitive, "are you okay?" You saw his bottom lip quiver at your words, his shoulders slumping as if everything around him was weighing him down. "You should be inside, enjoying your night-" "I should. But I couldn't stay when I saw you walk out." The grip he had on the car's door wavered and he let his hand fall. "Why?" He questioned, eyes hazy as steps drifting closer, his hand lifting up to your face, "you seemed to be enjoying yourself on the dance floor though..." he mumbled as he swiped his thumb against the corner of your mouth, hand trembling slightly, "what do you mean?" Your breath shuddered, one hand clasping around his jacket.

"Your lipstick smudged a little," his gaze locked into your lips, "there, all good." You exhaled the breath you were holding when he stepped back, his thumb stained with the lipstick he removed from the corner of your mouth. He turned towards the car and you grabbed his shoulder to hold him back, "Jay, it isn't what it looked like." He faced you, tongue poking inside of his cheek as he scoffed softly, "doesn't matter to me, it's your life anyway," he opened the door and you stepped forward, the hand grabbing his shoulder moving up to rest softly against his face, "don't shut off, you always do this when you're stressed," your thumb brushed against his cheek, wiping the tears that had fell, "and it hurts to watch you lock everything inside you like you're alone in this. Lean on me, talk to me, just don't shut yourself out."

He observed you for a while, unable to find any words that would contradict yours. His eyes fell upon the people coming out of Ava's house and he held your hand, tugging you towards the passenger's seat and quickly running back towards the driver's seat, "I don't want people to misunderstand us, let's talk somewhere else." You turned around in your seat to look at people leaving the party, "you're right..." he looked at you before watching the people through his rearview mirror, "yeah." He started driving, and you couldn't tell where exactly he was trying to take you. He pulled up in an empty parking lot, got out and opened your door for you. He locked the car door and made his way towards the curb and sat on it, hands in his head as he took deep breaths to calm himself.

You slowly made your way towards him, giving him time to calm himself, you sat down beside him, not too far, nor too close. You removed your heels, feet aching with all the running, you put them beside you, hands instinctively holding your ankle to massage it a bit as you waited for Jay to say something. "Are they hurting that bad?" Your eyes found his face but his hands were focused on your leg, you stopped your movements, folding your arms on your knees, "tell me what happened." His eyes finally met yours and he sighed, "we had a fight, and I walked out." You put your head on your knees as you nodded at his words, "I don't like big parties, I'm allergic to chocolate, she knew about this, I wrote those things in the letters I sent back to her and she's trying to make me the crazy one for not appreciating her efforts."

"Jay," you started even though you had no idea what to say. "I don't get it anymore," he sighed as he run his hand through his hair, "those letters mean the world to me, gave me the strength when I almost gave up, they talked about me, not the popular guitarist of HYPHENIX, those letters understood my silences and that's why I fell, that's why I thought I could have something real with Ava." You watch him unravel in front of you and you swallow back the burning feeling igniting in your stomach at his words, "maybe she never expected you to hold those letters so dearly, Jay." He looked at his eyes darkening as the possibility of your words being true settled inside him, "how could I not hold those letters close? They were the foundation of our relationship, the Ava who wrote those letters saw through me when everyone else just expected me to be perfect."

You smiled softly looking down at your hands at his words, "maybe you're trying to hold onto a version of her which only existed in those letters, sometimes people portray a version of themselves which they can't live up to, which leads to disappointment and heartbreak." He nodded at your words feeling confused yet understood, "maybe I am but is that my fault? For believing in it?" You shook your head at its words, laughing slightly, "It's not your fault for believing, its hers for not living up to it, sometimes it's easier to pretend especially if the words are wrapped in kind and comforting words inside an envelope."

"But her kind and comforting words were the exact reason why I fell for her, but now when I try to connect with her, she diverts the topic like it isn't a big deal. For her spotlight is everything, she always gushes about it, but when she wrote me those letters, she never once mentioned about my popularity, her letters rather focused on my musicality," you nodded your head as if you don't remember every single thing you wrote on those letters, like it doesn't hurt to watch him going through so much pain when all you wanted was for him to be happy, "maybe she doesn't know you the way you thought she would. Maybe she wasn't as serious about those letters as you were."

He turned his body towards you fully, eyes narrowing deep in thought, "no one can notice things that deep if they aren't serious about it," you play with the bracelet in your hand nervously, "how am I supposed to find a solution to this?" He sighed as he buried his head on his hands, you contemplated to reach out to him but you did it anyway, your hand slide up to run your finger through his hair, he didn't stop you, "don't force yourself to be somewhere you don't belong, if you feel she's not the person you fell in love with then it's better to break things up." He lifted his head enough to look at you, "It's not that easy," you let your hand fall on your lap, sighing deeply you muttered something which always lingered at the back of your mind, "Jay, don’t build your entire world around someone who can’t hold it for you."

Your eyes fell upon the stars that shone brightly above you, and his eyes were focused on you as those words left his mouth, "I think I might confront her about this whole situation, I really don't like how things are going in between us, we always fight and pretend in front of others that everything is fine. I don't like it." Your mind drifted far off as you watched the night sky, feeling exhausted at the events that unfolded today. You thought Ava would take notice of basic things and at least pretend to care for Jay, but it was clear that all she wanted was popularity rather than a companion. You blame yourself for supporting her reckless choices cause now you're doubting every single thing you did that led you to this moment.

Your lips twitched in discomfort, you knew watching Ava in Jay's arms would be hard but watching him break down in front of you because of her was harder. You wanted to tell him he deserved the kind of love he hoped he'd get from Ava, that it's not wrong to fall for someone and be disappointed when their actions wouldn't match their words. But how would they match when both of you were two different people? You cursed internally, taking a deep breath, if only she never lied, if only you never supported her. God you hated her so much for complicating things. "Jay," his name left your mouth like a confession, he hummed, eyes still trained on your face, "I don't like your girlfriend."

Sunghoon checked the time on his phone, squinting slightly as the sun was up, he knocked on the door, stepped a few steps back and waited, "oh! You're here!" He heard the person at the door say, leaning his weight on one of his legs, eyes glued to his phone as he scrolled to instagram. He barely hummed in response, finally looking up, "Where are the gifts?" Ava's smile dropped at his dull tone, "well good morning to you too," she said, rolling her eyes and stepping aside to make way for him. Sunghoon wordlessly put his phone inside his jeans pocket, entering the same house he was in yesterday night, he looked at the surroundings. The house was yet to be cleaned fully, "I'll call some cleaners to help you with the cleaning-" his words were cut off when Ava grabbed his arms, "no, I've got this, though thank you for offering your help, you're such a gentleman Hoon."

Sunghoon gulped, removing her hands from his arm, "it's Sunghoon for you." Ava frowned at his words, pout forming on her face as she glared at him, "but you let her call you Hoon though." He sighed, looking anywhere but her face, "she is allowed to call me that. I allowed her to call me that. I don't recall asking you to call me Hoon." She stepped forward, closing the distance between them, and Sunghoon stepped back, "you should be close to me not her, I'm your best friend's girlfriend!" He exhaled deeply, already regretting coming to her house, "exactly, my best friend's girlfriend, and your association with Jay doesn't define if you'll get close to me or not, it's actually based on how you are as a person."

Ava scoffed, flicking her hair back as if she couldn't grasp the concept, "she's not even that fun, doesn't do parties, isn't popular, has nothing special about her, she's not interesting....I don't know why you pay so much attention to her!" Sunghoon looked at her, boredom laced on his face but his eyes showed the quiet furry he felt within, "well at least she doesn't back-bitch about her best friend! Maybe we like her better because she's a better person than you'll ever be Avalyn." She flinched at his harsh tone, footsteps retreating, "Sunghoon....don't get close to her please." He scoffed at her, eyes trained on the main door then towards the huge cardboard box placed in the corner labelled 'Jay's gift', "you greedy woman, you're dating my best friend yet you're trying to continue to hit on me?"

He took a few steps towards her, and she backed off, suddenly trembling under his intense gaze, "isn't he enough for you? I thought you stopped being a fucking whore and finally came to your senses, guess I was wrong, huh?" She fell down on the chair behind her, eyes shut closed as Sunghoon's words rang in her ears, "you kept on harassing me to sleep with you, even after I clearly declined, then suddenly my best friend introduced you as his girlfriend to me, you think I'm stupid?" Her lips trembled as she looked up at him, eyes glossy but he continued, "and I know your games Ava, you think I believed you when you said you wrote those letters for Jay? I don't think your pea-sized brain could even comprehend a single sentence written on it. I'm entertaining you just because I care too much about Jay and his feelings to hurt him bluntly by the truth."

"Sunghoon, please don't tell him, I beg you. I really love Jay, I'll take care of him well..." His hand slammed against the wall near him, "you're dating him for quite some time and yet you don't know what things he likes and dislikes and you're telling me you'll take care of him?" Tears fell from her eyes, hands shaking at the possibility of her truth being exposed, "Sunghoon, I'll be a good girlfriend, I'll keep him happy, please I beg you." He just looked at her, walking towards the gift box and picking it up in his arms, "you still try to hit on me subtly and say you'll be a good girlfriend? You think I don't notice your advances? Don't notice how whenever me and your best friend are close you take her away from me? You can't even be a good friend Ava, how will you ever be a good girlfriend? You're just a selfish bitch who only thinks about herself."

Sunghoon turned around towards the door, taking a few long strides to reach his car, he put the gift box in the backseat and shut the door of his car. He opened the door of the driver's seat when Ava grabbed his hand, and turned to face her, "I can ruin your friendship if I want, you know?" She spoke through gritted teeth, hands now clenched in fist by her side, "you think Jay would be by your side if I tell him you tried to take advantage of me?"

Sunghoon blinked at her once, twice, then laughed loud and full, straight from his chest as he threw his head back. He grabbed the hood of his car to keep his balance. He wiped the tears that escaped his eyes as he calmed himself, "I wanted to say something hurtful but your words just made me realize how pitiful you are," Ava frowned at his words, "maybe if you weren’t so selfish and actually knew how to keep real friends, you wouldn't be so quick to throw out threats like this. But go ahead and see if he believes that over someone who has known him better than you ever will." He turned around, sliding into his driver's seat and driving off without giving her a single chance to speak.

Sunghoon parked his car in Jay's parking place, taking notice of Jay's car being parked in its usual spot. He picked up the gift box and made his way towards the main door. He kicked his door, flinching slightly as the door was unlocked so it slammed against the wall. The sound woke Jay up from where he was curled up on his couch in the living room, "what the fuck is up with you?" Jay mumbled although he wanted to lecture his friend about guest etiquette. "Ah close the door for me yeah? As you can see my lord, my hands are full." Sunghoon took off his shoes and invited himself into his best friend's house, keeping his gift box on the coffee table and jumping to sit on the couch.

"Since you weren't replying to your girl, she asked me to pick up your gifts from her house," Sunghoon grumbled reminiscing about the texts after texts he got from Ava which forced him to go and get Jay's gift. Jay just shrugged, still half asleep, rubbing his eyes as he approached Sunghoon, "did you atleast eat something?" Jay nodded at his friend's words, "yeah, I woke up, got fresh, made breakfast and ate it, washed the dishes, then slept again." Jay slumped beside Sunghoon, yawning. "Wow, I expected more sulking and less functioning adult energy from you."

Jay rolled his eyes, sitting up straight to open the box, "why did she call you? Could've waited for me to reply to her back..." Sunghoon looked at Jay, his mind drifting back to Ava's house, "she said her parent's will be home tonight, she needed to get rid of everything before they arrive," Jay nodded, remembering Ava telling him about her parents being very strict about everything. He remembered her telling him that you are her only friend whom her parents trust. "I'll get going, I am having some issues with my keyboard, I'll have it checked." Jay bid him goodbye and made his way back inside the house to open up the gift box.

He took off the gifts inside the box one by one, placing them neatly on the ground or on the coffee table as he emptied the box and folded it to throw it in the trash bin at the back of his house. He folded the cardboard box and made his way towards his backyard, he placed the box near the trash bin and started making his way back towards the house. His footsteps halted when he saw an envelope fallen near the backdoor of his house. He crouched down to pick it up, turning it around to inspect it carefully, 'Dear, Jay.' it read.

His eyebrow furrowed while looking at the envelope, a sense of familiarity growing within his heart as he read the label of the envelope. The handwriting, a huge smile etched upon his face at the familiar scribble of words, though in the letters he received the writer used to call his name a bit differently, he found himself feeling relieved. He made his way inside his room, rummaging through his closet to take out the box where he kept all the letters together. He took out one random letter to compare the handwriting, praying continuously for it to be the same. It had been a while since he saw the handwriting and he laughed at himself for being so excited over a trivial thing.

He grabbed his phone, when he found the handwriting matched, grinning happily even before opening the envelope to see what's inside. After a few rings Ava picked up the phone, her voice shaky as he finally called her back after being ignored for a whole night, "Jay, I'm sorry for yesterday baby, please don't be mad at me, I love you so much." He smiled at her, eyes focused upon the envelope on his hand, "It's okay Ava, I love you too, I just got your gift, thank you so much, baby. You made me so happy you have no idea." She laughed at his excited tone, breathing in relief that Sunghoon didn't share anything with him about what happened at her house, "you loved your gift?" She asked, her voice relaxed now, "yes I did."

"Thank god, Jay. I was stressed if you'd love it or not, I mean it took me days to find that limited edition watch, I'm so glad you loved it. Don't forget to wear it when you come to meet me, okay?" Jay's smile flattered as he focused on Ava's words then back at the envelope in his hand, a watch? His brows twitching in confusion, "did you attach anything else with your gift Ava?" He questioned, inspecting the envelope as if it would answer his questions, "umm just a bow." Jay hummed, his heartbeat frantic, "okay baby, I'll meet you soon." "See you." He hung up the phone, scoffing at himself as he laid back on his bed, the letters and envelope still spread near his legs. He picked up the envelope, sighing as he looked at it.

He dialed Ava's number again, mind swirling with thoughts waiting for her to pick up, "Jay? Did you forget something?" He sighed, putting the phone on speaker and keeping the letters back inside the box, "umm," he wondered, an idea popping in his head, "be ready in 2 hours, wanna spoil you a bit for giving me my birthday gift..." he could hear the excited squeal left leaving from her mouth, "why? You didn't have to, what do you want me to wear?" He chuckled, "wear anything, you look pretty anyway." He hung up the phone before she could speak further.

Jay was getting ready to pick Ava when his phone rang, the called ID showing 'Dikeu' in bold, he chuckled looking at the contact name for Jake, realizing Sunghoon must've changed it when he wasn't looking at his phone, "I'm free, wanna hangout?" Jay's eyebrows furrowed as he concentrated on the soft background music playing, "since when did your music taste change?" He could hear Jake chuckle as he turned the music off, "nah, the song is good, but I wasn't the one playing that..." Jay's heartbeat quickened, "who were you with?" Jake blinked once before your name left his lips.

"Oh what was she doing with you?" Jake pouted on the other end of the phone as if Jay could see him, "you aren't even interested in me anymore?" Jay groaned and a chuckle left Jake's mouth, "I dropped her home, our classes ended at the same time. Are you gonna tell me if you're free to hangout or not?" Jay rubbed his temple but replied nonetheless, "I've a date with Ava, I can't hangout today," Jake hummed, thinking on who to irritate next now that Jay was busy, "okay, I'll irritate someone else then!"

Jay leaned on his car as he waited for Ava to come out of her house, "Jay!" He lifted his head, eyes taking in her short satin dress that fit her body perfectly, she smiled at him, one hand stretched out for him to take, he held her hand, pulling her closer to give a quick kiss on her cheek, he guided her towards the passenger's seat and made himself comfortable on the driver's seat. The engine hummed beneath them as Jay scrolled through his playlist. When he found the song, he pressed play and Lee Hi’s Breathe poured softly into the car’s hush. He gave a quick glance towards Ava who didn't even utter a single word about his choice of the song.

"You wanna change the music or is this song fine?" She nodded at him, before he watched her lean towards the screen to play another, more upbeat song, "We are going on a date, I don't think dull songs like that match the vibe." Jay's eyebrows twitched but he didn't press further, just hummed in response and started driving off. After a while, "Jay," Ava called softly as she looked at him, he signaled her to continue, his eyes trained on the road, "I shouldn't have argued with you yesterday, I'm sorry, it was your birthday I should've been more patient," Jay smiled at her, one hand clutching the wheel while other was placed on his own lap.

Ava looked at his expressions before continuing, "It's just that I was so angry, I had to do everything alone since your friends decided to exclude me, even my own best friend didn't tell me about the surprise party. I felt so betrayed, I tried my best but it all crumpled down when I accidentally ordered the wrong cake, I mean, people can make mistakes right? But still, I'm sorry for making you feel like you don't matter to me..." she trailed off realizing Jay had barely acknowledged the words that slipped her lips, "didn't you say that it was the bakery who made the mistake?" Her breath hitched as she clasped both her hands together on her lap, "Isn't that the same thing?" Jay didn't question her further.

He stopped his car near a high end restaurant, handing over his car keys to the valet, he slid his hand on Ava's waist to pull her close. The restaurant was beautiful, with high ceilings and open plan structure so one could enjoy the view of nature around it. Ava gasped, thrilled to be at such a place, she turned around, giving Jay a little kiss before she dragged him towards a spot she wanted to sit. He pulled a chair for her, then made himself comfortable. The waiter handed both of them the menu card and left, but as soon as Ava was about to discuss what she wanted to eat, he stopped her, his smile sickeningly sweet as he looked at her.

"I'll order for you," he said, leaning a bit towards the table, "I remember you writing about your favorite dishes in the letters, I want to be a good boyfriend and prove you that I remember all those things you wrote," Jay held her hand, softly rubbing circles at the back of her hand. She laughed awkwardly, nodding her head with way too much enthusiasm, he looked at her for a second too long, before dropping his gaze back on the menu, "since it's still day time, let's order tea first," He signaled the waiter to take the order, "two chamomile-lavender tea please," the waiter nodded asking if they needed anything else and Jay informed him he'll update further.

"Chamomile-......lavender tea?" Jay grinned at Ava's expressions, "yeah? I never tried drinking that combination but now that you're with me I thought why not? If in case I don't find it pleasing I can just pass it to you since you're so crazy about it." Ava's lips twitched but she managed to mask it behind a polite smile, swallowing a lump from her throat, "I hope you'll like," she trailed off, looking at the view, "I feel so refreshed after drinking it." Jay hummed clearly amused by her ability to still try her best at blending in, "refreshing? Didn't you say the bitterness of this combo helps you stay awake when coffee doesn't do it for you?" She pulled her hand out of his grip and clenched her hands tightly on her lap, "yeah that too."

"Here's your tea," the waiter placed the drinks on the table and Jay looked at Ava expectantly, she smiled at his direction, placing a trembling hand on the cup and take a sip, "I thought you'd be more enthusiastic about drinking it," Ava grimaced at the taste, but masked it with a semi-awkward smile which didn't even reach its full potential, "I am, just feeling tired from yesterday's party." He nodded solemnly at her words and urged her to continue drinking, smiling as he took a sip of the tea himself, "Ah it's too bitter for me," he pushed the tea towards Ava, "please finish this for me too baby." He could see color drain from her face but still acted oblivious, humming a song or complimenting the restaurant's architecture.

Ava finished both the tea, he grinned at her, kissing her hand and complimenting her, "I need to go to the bathroom, one second." He watched as Ava rushed off to the bathroom, leaning back on the chair and sighing. Ava came back, a bit breathless, Jay ordered the food and she sighed in relief that he ordered something she could eat without feeling like throwing up. "You okay baby? You don't look good," Ava sat on her chair, dabbing the sweat off her forehead with tissues, "Yeah, I don't know, I'm feeling suffocated suddenly," Jay watched her, nodding his head, "okay, let's get out of here then." He paid the bill and made their way towards the next destination he had in his mind.

"Baby what's this?" Ava wondered when he stopped the car in an unknown lane, getting out of the car and helping her with it. "You don't recognize? Didn't you say you loved this place?" Ava's heartbeat quickened, eyes wondering on numbers of small shops and stores lining up one after the other. Her eyes took in the surroundings, "haha, yeah. I remember this, it's just that I'm feeling so tired that my brain isn't working." Jay hummed, holding her hand and pulling her inside a bookstore hidden in between two large clothing shops. "It's okay, you said the smell of books calms you down, that's the reason I brought you here." She nodded wordlessly at his words, rubbing her nose slightly at the lavender candle lit at the entrance of the bookstore.

Ava panicked, realizing that Jay planned this whole date based on the letters written by his secret admirer. She could still feel her throat itching even after forcing herself to throw up the tea in the bathroom and if this thing continued she wasn't sure if she would be able to cover up. Jay made his way towards her, hand holding a couple of books which Ava didn't recognize and another holding a lavender scented candle. "Ava? You good baby?" Her nose itched, turning a bit red as she looked at Jay, clearly anxious, "Jay, it's getting late, shall we go back? I'm not feeling good at all, baby." He sighed, placing the candle back on the shelves and paying for the books before agreeing with Ava. She sighed in relief as they made their way back towards the car.

"Baby?" Ava hummed as she looked at the passing cars, "wanna hangout at my place before I drop you off at yours? We don't have to do anything, just cuddle, maybe drink some alcohol if you're up to it? Hm?" He glanced at her, before concentrating back on the road, "okay, sounds good to me." Jay smiled, extending his hand to give her hand a gentle squeeze. When they reached his house, he helped her remove her heels, taking her hand and guiding her towards his bedroom. Ava laughed, nudging Jay a little bit, "Wait here, I'll bring the drink." Ava sat on the bed, looking at his room, "open the sliding door, we'll drink outside, you'd love it."

Ava nodded, opening the door and helping Jay with the drinks. They were in the middle of drinking when the weather became gloomy, dark clouds spreading all throughout the sky, few drops of rain fell upon their clothes and Jay urged Ava to get inside. He bought the drinks and glasses inside, neatly putting the glasses on the sink. Till the time he returned from the kitchen, heavy downpour had blurred the word around them, and in the distance, thunder rolled low and slow. Ava flinched slightly, her hands clutching the comforter, "you okay baby?" She looked up, smiling slightly and he made his way towards her, eyes trained on the rain.

"Yes, just startled." Jay squinted his eyes at her, tilting his head, "thought you said you loved storms, why are you startled?" Ava shrugged, flinching again when lightning struck again, "why would I say that, I hate storms!" He crouched in front of her, his gaze hardening, "isn't that crazy? You said you loved the storms as it made you feel like you aren't the only one who is unraveling. I remember it clearly, you wrote about it, how they make you feel at peace." Ava froze, her eyes widening and body trembling under his fierce gaze, "I was just in a different headspace at that time."

"You always say that Ava, I was in a different headspace, I was feeling poetic, I didn't think you'd think so deeply of it, my opinion changed. It never ends!" Ava stood up, walking towards the bedroom door to create some distance in between them, "I was just trying my best to impress you because I love you, Jay. You're comparing me to a version of myself I curated just for you." Jay followed her, breath ragging, "are you sure that's the truth?" Ava paused, hesitating to say another word, "what do you mean?" she mumbled, leaning against the door.

"I just think, Avalyn," He taunted, voice low and dangerously calm, "I think you saw someone laying their heart bare, you saw how everyone noticed, you saw something genuine, which you could never be, and instead of respecting it like everyone else, you dressed yourself in someone else's devotion and had the audacity to call it yours!" He took a step closer, eyes burning through her, he slammed one hand on the door beside her head, "you saw someone bleed their love on the paper and got greedy. You never wanted love, just attention, and you didn’t care whose heart you had to break just to get what you wanted."

Ava looked at him, tears welling up in her eyes, she pushed Jay away, scoffing in disbelief, "you really think I would do something like that? After everything I've done for you? God! I knew this would happen, you just want a reason to get rid of me now that you're bored." Jay's jaw clenched at her words, "I'm sorry I didn't live up to your fantasy Jay, sorry that I couldn't talk in ink and metaphors for you." Jay pushed her against the door, eyes narrowing at her words, "it isn't about ink and metaphors, it's about the meaning behind them, you claimed those thoughts were yours, you silenced someone Avalyn, you banned someone from loving me the only way they knew how." Ava's jaw clenched but she kept quiet, unable to say anything in her defense with the way Jay was looking at her.

"Here's what you're going to do now Avalyn," he started, stepping back and glaring at her, his tone calm and calculated, "in few weeks it's your birthday, you're going to tell everyone there that you lied about those letters, and I'll tell them I don't hold any grudge against you so that we can both part ways without creating anymore mess." Ava's eyes widened at his words, all the things she did to gain the popularity wilting away in front of her eyes, "please Jay? Can't you give me a chance? We were doing fine, we can continue to do that. If the person who sent those letters to you loved you enough she would have exposed me long ago, but she didn't right? Please Jay, I beg you." Jay rubbed his temple, groaning as he threw his head back in frustration, "no, just do as I say, in a few weeks, at your birthday party, tell everyone the truth, and we're done for!"

You heave a sigh as you stand, leaning on one of the pillars of your university campus, looking at the downpour. It had been raining since yesterday night and hasn't stopped since then. Most of the students had either left the campus or found home in some corner or the university where they could wait till the downpour was light enough to travel through. You heard someone call your name, you turned slightly, smiling when you found Heeseung wave at you. "Done with your class?" You questioned, your eyes falling on your mobile screen to see if Ava responded to your texts or calls. "Yes, I wanted to go home but the rain is so heavy, you can't even see what's in front of you." You offered him a quick nod, eyes trained on the rainfall, but your mind drifted towards something else. Ava didn't attend any classes today, which was completely normal but what irked you most was her skipping the cheer practice. Her friends had stopped you to ask about her whereabouts and the only thing you could do was shrug in response.

"Yah, both of you," you jumped a little at the sudden voice, Heeseung chuckled before turning around to face his friend, Jake, "are you just going to stand there and watch the rain? Might as well come inside the music room and chill." You and Heeseung made your way inside the music room, you walked towards the window, dragging a chair with you, and sat on it, sighing. "I don't think the rain is going to stop anytime soon...." Sunghoon's voice trailed off as he spotted your figure sitting near the window as he walked inside the music room while talking to Jay. "Looks like someone loves rain way too much," Sunghoon smirked as he dragged a desk near your chair and sat on it, startling you in the process.

Jay quietly made his way towards the couch, slumping against it as he watched you interact with Sunghoon, a weird knot forming in his chest as he remembered you and Sunghoon sharing a kiss right in the middle of his birthday party. He kept wondering why he would feel so jealous in the first place, it wasn't like any of you were betraying him but he couldn't help but feel weirdly hurt whenever he saw both of you together. He was sure that if he kept on glaring at both of you with the same intensity then he'd actually be able to punch a hole in Sunghoon's face.

"Jay, did you bring your car?" Heeseung's voice brought him back to reality, his eyes looked around the room to see everyone already looking at him, he blinked a few times before nodding his head yes. Heeseung eyed him skeptically before nodding his head at his words, "so, Sunghoon, Jake and I slept over my house yesterday so we just took my car to come here," Jay nodded, hands playing with the ripped part of his jeans, "yeah so I need to take these two back to my house to retrieve their cars which is in complete opposite direction to where she lives," he pointed his index finger at you and you glared at him, "so will you drop her off?" Jay's eyes met yours, you smiled a little and he nodded, "ofcourse, I would. It shouldn't be a question."

And now you were sitting inside Jay's car as he pulled out of the university's campus. You leaned your head against the window, trying your best to not steal glances at Jay. You noticed he looked tired than usual, like he didn't get any sleep last night and with the way Ava had completely shut you out today, something must've happened between them again. You remember Jake texting you yesterday to ask if you were free to hangout, you had planned on deep cleaning your apartment that day so you declined and he told you Jay was busy taking Ava on date, you figured they mended the things between them but guess you were perhaps wrong.

You were busy with your thoughts when Jay's phone rang, he pulled his car aside and stopped, picking up the phone. You looked at him briefly as he was busy talking with someone on the phone. After sometime he hung up, giving you a side smile, "give me a few minutes, I just need to send this location to my cousin." You nodded, taking out your own phone to scroll through instagram when a loud thunder roared through the sky, your eyes widened at the sound, "damn, that was loud," you couldn't help but say as you leaned towards the windshield to look at the sky. Jay looked at you, surprised as you finally spoke something. "Scared of storms?" He questioned, giving you a quick glance before resuming his task, "no, I'm not. Just amazed by the intensity."

He locked his phone screen, throwing it somewhere in the compartment, the sound of thunder immediately sent his brain in a flashback mode, his mind drifting to the events that unfolded the previous night. He then turned his eyes on your figure which was still leaning towards the windshield, hands placed on the glass to wipe the condensation and see the view clearly. "You seem quite fascinated by the view," he couldn't help but chuckle at your wonder-like expressions, "oh I love storms, it brings me peace! I could sit and observe it all day!" Jay's smile flattered at your words, chest tightening at the familiarity of the words. He quickly swallowed the tension building in his throat and started driving towards your apartment.

You reached your apartment building, the thunder still loud above you, even the trees hazardly swayed left and right, and you could barely manage to stand still without struggling a bit against the wind. You knocked on the window of Jay's car and waited for him to roll it down. "I think it will be better if you wait for the weather to calm down a bit," you suggested. He shook his head, turning around his seat to look at the scenario out of the parking space of your building, "I think I can manage-" His words got cut off when a large tree branch flew past both of your line of vision, ripped from the tree like it was nothing, "yeah I think I can wait for a little bit." You smiled at him, stepping back and moving towards the elevator to press your floor button. Jay joined you inside the elevator and you sighed waiting for it to reach your floor.

"Would you like something to drink? Tea? Hot Coffee?" Jay paused to think, fingers tapping against his chin in deep thought as he sat on your couch, "what type of tea do you have?" You smiled bashfully, leaning against your kitchen door, "Mr. Park, what type would you like to drink? Your wish would be my command." He laughed at your words, "do you have chamomile tea?" You nodded your head in enthusiasm which Jay couldn't help but reciprocate, "I have all the types of tea, I sort of have a weird fixation on it." He smirked, getting up from the couch and following you inside the kitchen. He leaned against the kitchen counter, humming softly as he watched you gather the ingredients to make the tea. "Wow, you indeed have a crazy collection of tea."

You grinned back at him, opening the cabinet wider for him to get a better look, he stepped closer, hands raking his fingers through the jars. "Damn, you could open a tea stall," you solemnly nodded as if actually considering his suggestion. "What tea is your favorite? Taking a look at the jars I would say..." he trailed off, looking through the jars, "black, chamomile and lavender tea are your top picks." You gave him a thumbs up, taking the chamomile tea's jar off the cabinet and shutting it close. He made himself comfortable on the chair against the kitchen counter as he watched you make the tea, comfortable silence settled between them, the only sound being gentle clatter of cups, and soft bubbling of the water.

You poured the tea into two cups and slide one in front of him as you sat beside him, he smelled the tea, "oh it smells calming..." you grinned, taking a whiff of the tea yourself, "the weather is so beautiful, and the chamomile tea just made it more perfect, but do you want honey added into yours? I like to drink it bitter, I have to submit an essay tomorrow so I need to stay awake..." you mindlessly trailed off searching the cabinets for the bottle of honey, not realizing the weight of your words, mind temporarily forgetting about you mentioning about it in one of the letters. Jay felt a sense of deja vu take over inside him yet again but before he could say a single word to you the doorbell rang.

You put the bottle of honey in front of him, wondering who would visit you at this time. You made your way towards the living room and looked at the window at the end of the hallway, the weather had calmed down significantly. You opened the door, swinging it open to see Ava standing in front of you, she huffed a breath, "I've been ringing your doorbell since forever," she rolled her eyes, stepping forward and pushing your figure aside slightly since you didn't move an inch. "I've been trying to reach you since last night and you ignored me, and now you randomly showed up at my apartment without replying or calling me back?" You complained as you followed her figure back into your living room.

"Do I need to always inform you about my whereabouts or something?" She hissed, sitting on your couch rather harshly, "my mood is so off, my life is about to turn upside down and you only care about me ghosting you?" You crossed your arms over your chest, leaning your weight on one of your legs, "well yes since I texted and called you to ask about those exact things Ava!" You saw Jay slowly making his way towards the living room from your peripheral vision, he stood just near the kitchen door, Ava's back against his. "You should have tried harder to reach me, you could've skipped classes and visited me home, I even missed my cheer practice for God's sake!" You nervously glanced at Jay before speaking, "you know I had an important exam today, I told you about it ages ago, and it was raining so heavily how do you expect me to visit you?"

"I don't care, you should be beside me when I shut you out, shouldn't you as my best friend seek me when I pull away from everyone?" She complained, hands pulling at her head. "Well she tried reaching out to you through texts and calls, what more do you want her to do when there's a storm going on and she doesn't have any vehicle?" Ava sat up straight, eyes going wide as Jay stood beside you, "Jay? What are you doing here?" Her gaze travelled in between you and him, wondering how he had time to be at your apartment when he didn't reply to even a single text from her. "That shouldn't be your main focus, is this how you always talk with her?" You grabbed his arm when he stepped closer to her, his jaw clenched, Ava's gaze landed on your hand on Jay's arm, you released your hold when he stopped his steps.

"Answer me!" You flinched at the tone of his voice, Ava swallowed, clenching her fist tightly, "no, I'm not thinking straight and wanted to seek solace in my best friend especially after what happened last night!" Jay scoffed, pinching his nose in annoyance, "this isn't how you seek solace in someone..." Ava slammed her head against the back of the couch, clearly not prepared for Jay's interrogation, "I'm sorry, what are you doing here anyway?" Jay shrugged, turning towards you, "I think I should get going, the weather is calm enough for me to drive back, thanks for the tea." You nodded at him, bidding him goodbye and closing the door behind him, confusion etched upon your face.

"How come my boyfriend was in your apartment?" You turned around to look at Ava who was already on her feet, making her way towards the kitchen. You followed her to find her standing near the kitchen counter, taking a sip of tea from your cup. She instantly spit it out in the sink, throwing the rest of the tea along with it. "I didn't even take a single sip!" You groaned as you approached her, "since when do you drink this shit?" You squint your eyes at her words, her face contouring into that of a grimace, "what do you mean since when? You should know I prefer drinking tea to calm myself." Ava stopped midway, your words dawning heavy on her shoulder as she remembered what Jay said about drinking chamomile-lavender tea. She shook her head, making her way back into your living room.

"What happened to you anyway? Are you guys fighting or something? He didn't even say goodbye to you," you sat beside her, keeping your head on the back of the couch. "He found out I didn't write those letters..." she trailed off, her fingernails digging at her skin, "what?" You straightened up, eyes going wide at the realization, "how?" She scoffed, slumping against the armrest, "I didn't even get to bask in my popularity that much, how am I supposed to explain this to my other friends and cheer team?" You rubbed your temple, feeling anxious, "is that what you're worried about?" Ava rolled her eyes, "he wants me to confess about lying in my birthday party."

"What?" Ava sat up, looking straight into your eyes, no guilt about what she did, "he said something about confessing that I lied and then he wouldn't make a big deal out of this and then we can part ways," you looked at her for a moment, taking in all the things she dumped into you in a span of 5 minutes, "I warned you about this, but you didn't listen, just apologize to him, tell him you want to silently part ways, maybe if you look sorry enough he'll forgive you." She threw her hand in the air, "no he won't make this any easier, he was quite angry." You sighed, "well of course he is, you literally lied your way into the relationship, he must be feeling so betrayed and hurt, I told you not to do that, why do you have to be so selfish Ava?"

"Oh you two seem to be so deeply connected with each other to always defend each other's feelings in front of me, who's best friend are you? Try to think of something!" You shook your head at her, completely declining to be the one to help her after what she did, "you are going to do what he said, that's the only way you can get him to forgive you." She groaned, slamming her head against the armrest in frustration, "you aren't helping me with this," she got up, gathering all of her belongings and slamming the door shut behind her when she left. You thought about reaching out to Jay, your fingers hovering just long enough to feel the weight of the choice. But doubt slipped in quietly. What if he thought less of you too? What if saying it out loud only pushed him further away? You didn’t have the answers and maybe, deep down, you weren’t sure you were ready to hear them from him.

You were sitting on the bleachers, the court empty aside from a few students lounging around the area, "why do I always find you as if you're in mid-philosophical mental breakdown?" You tilt your head upward, removing the headphones from your ears, "I don't know Heeseung, you tell me." You saw him playfully roll his eyes as he sat down next to you. Jay, Jake and Sunghoon join right after with Jay sitting on your other side, Jake and Sunghoon sitting in front of you. "Why are you guys here anyway? Don't you guys have practice or something?" Jake gasped, an offended expression forming on his face, "why do you hate us so much? Are we not cool enough to hang out with you?"

"Stop with that 'too cool for you to hangout with' joke, you're stretching it so far up it's gonna explode," Sunghoon laughed at your expressions, "I did not think of you as a violent type pretty." You opened your mouth to retaliate but nothing came out, you just looked at him, trying to ease the rapid beating of your heart after hearing him call you pretty. After the kiss, Sunghoon didn't pressure you to explain anything to him, didn’t even ignore you but he stopped calling you pretty, your own name sounding so foreign when it left his mouth, you thought with time you'd get used to it but there he was, once again with that silly smirk of his, calling you pretty.

"Oh how blessed do we have to be to find HYPHENIX sitting here!" All of your head turned towards the voice, the captain of the cheer team, Gyuri smiled, behind her stood Ava along with a few other members of the cheer squad. "We were just leaving," Jake announced, already standing up, "why would you do that? Ava, does your boyfriend's friend hate us?" She pouted, eyes trained on Jake who just rolled his eyes in annoyance, a complete 180° from how he teased you a few minutes ago. You wondered if both of them had any history, Sunghoon didn't even glance at them after initially looking to see who called their name, Heeseung pretended to be busy on his phone. "It's not like that Gyuri," Ava mumbled looking down.

Gyuri scoffed, crossing her arms across her chest, "It's Ava's birthday next week, I'm pretty sure I'll meet all of you there, right? It's going to be so much fun, everyone's going to be there." Jay nodded, not really looking towards Ava or even trying to have any sort of interaction with her, Gyuri noticed, she turned her head towards Ava, "did you two fight or something, you guys were fine just a few weeks ago!" Ava smiled awkwardly, making her way towards Jay, sitting beside him and leaning against his arm, "it's lovers quarrel, nothing we can't work upon." Gyuri looked at her skeptically before shrugging off and turning around and leaving.

Other three boys exchanged a look, clearly sensing the tension between Jay and Ava, they looked at you and you just smiled, clutching your notebook hard in your hands, they didn't press further. "What are you guys up to?" Ava questioned, her eyes trailing towards a few students who were looking in her direction as she sat with you and the boys, "nothing, just hanging around," Jake shrugged taking a seat. Eventually Ava sat awkwardly beside Sunghoon, and right in front of Jay after realizing he didn't tell his friends about them. She watched as Jay refused to acknowledge her presence at all and Jake and Heeseung exchanged glances at each other from time to time.

You were somehow also ignoring her presence, focusing on the reels on your phone rather than starting a conversation and Ava thinks it's maybe because she rudely left your apartment a week back and you haven't reached out to her after that. "You were going to send me a video of the recipe you saved to make that tea, you haven't sent it to me yet." Jay spoke, nudging your shoulder with his and you gave him an apologetic smile before copying the link of the video and sending it to him. Ava's eyes watched you both like a hawk, eyes narrowing at the newfound closeness in between you two. She gulped, feeling as if the perfect world she tried so hard to build was crumbling down the more she tried to save it.

"Oh shit, I forgot I had a seminar to attend, I should get going," you hurriedly zipped your bag and checked the time, cursing under your breath and running off towards the hall where the seminar would take place. "Oh she dropped her notebook," Sunghoon leaned down the grab the notebook which fell down from your lap, dusting it off, he opened the first page to look, "Give it to me, I'll pass it to her," Sunghoon turned his head towards Ava, eyes sharp and unmoving as he passed your notebook towards Jay instead. Ava sighed, eyebrows twitching at everyone's distant behavior, sure they took less liking for her somehow, even Heeseung and Jake, just acknowledged her as their bandmate's girlfriend but somehow each of them had soften themselves for you and she didn't like how you were getting more attention than she could.

"You're sure everything is alright between you two?" Gyuri questioned Ava as they stood in the locker room changing their clothes after finishing practicing, Ava gulped not maintaining eye contact with her caption as she hurried to put her things inside the bag, "you know you're only in the cheer squad because of Jay right? Since you bought so much attention towards our team after your whole secret admirer agenda?" Ava nodded, zipping up her bag, Gyuri held her shoulder, forcing Ava to face her, "try to mend things in between you both, if you were good enough with your talent alone, you wouldn’t have to enter the team through popularity, I hope you remember all the times you got rejected by different people from the team okay? But now that you finally made it into the team, try to maintain your spot."

"Yes, we are doing fine, Gyuri, we just need a little bit of space, that's it. Everything will go back to normal." Gyuri gave her a skeptical looks, not buying her reasoning at all, "you used to write all those letters to him which made him turn from icy to soft, he looked so smitten by you initially, I don't know what you did, but try to handle it properly, don't be a disappointment, I already get yelled at by our coach for allowing you in the team with the amount of mistakes you do, but I let him drag me since I know you bring attention to the team, don't do anything stupid to further taint my name, Ava." Ava sighed, leaning her head on the locker after Gyuri left. There was so much pressure on her head, she didn't know how she would even handle that.

Ava left the locker room, her feet dragging towards the main gate of the university. Her steps halted as she saw you standing few feet apart from her, you gaze trained on your phone as you sat on the stairs by the entrance of the university's building. She contemplated reaching out to you, her texts and calls left unattended since weeks, you wouldn't entertain her now, but this wasn't the time to whine over things like that, she needed your help to get out of the mess she had made, just like how you always did. Ava took a deep breath, deciding that apologizing to you and asking for your help would be the best case scenario for now, she could always deal with your attitude problem after this mess is solved. She took a step towards you but stopped when she spot Jay walking out of the music room, guitar case hanging off his shoulder and eyes turning ever so soft as they landed on you.

"I didn't think you'd still be here, your classes ended early today," He said, dropping his guitar case gently beside him, his voice casual but his eyes said otherwise. You hummed, smirking at him, "oh so you keep a tab on my schedule now?" Jay shrugged, smiling too wide for someone just having a casual conversation with a friend, "I need to look after you." You squint your eyes at him, elbowing his stomach, "I don't need anyone to look after me," Jay groaned as if your little nudge to his stomach actually hurt, "I know you don't need to be looked after, but I want to." He scooted closer to you, elbows pressing together, knees touching, you didn't move away. "Why do you always do that?" Jay questioned after sometime, "do what?" He reached up, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear, thumb rubbing against your earlobe a little too long.

"You never properly hold eye contact with me." You blinked, caught off guard by his observation, Jay's gaze softened like he wanted to ask something more than that, you didn't notice the way Jay looked at you but Ava did. She stood there frozen, clutching her phone in her hand tightly, she noticed everything, the way Jay would always listen to your words attentively, how he had this soft smile on his face whenever he talked with you, how his eyes always found you despite being surrounded by a large crowd, Ava noticed everything. And as you packed your things and Jay snatched the bag from your hand and carried it on his shoulder instead, as you both walked off towards Jay's car blissfully unaware of Ava's presence, she realized, in that moment, that you weren't invisible anymore. And she hated it.

Your eyes were trained on the birthday invite sent by Ava on your phone. You both haven't talked with each other after she stormed out of your apartment, it wasn't the first time she did that, neither will it be the last time but you were done trying to save your friendship. You always apologize for things you didn't do just to protect your friendship but you couldn't let her do that repeatedly, you were done with her toxicity. But still your mind keeps on drifting towards how she'll manage to confess about her lying, if she'll be able to handle people throwing taunts at her. You didn't have to, but you felt bad for her. You looked at the following text she sent after sending the invite, 'I know we aren't on good terms but your presence would mean so much to me, especially for what I am going to do today, I will think of it as a last birthday gift from you.' You sighed, locking your phone and stood up to get ready for the party.

"Wow she really went all out for the party," Jake chuckled in amusement after he reached Ava's house, "I know right, I heard she invited more than half of the campus..." Heeseung trailed off, Sunghoon looked at Jay who had his jaw clenched as he looked at the scene in front of him, "you good bro?" Jay tore his eyes from the house and looked at Sunghoon, "It's weird, why would she invite so many people to a party where she's going to announce our breakup?" A loud gasp escaped Jake's mouth, "she's going to announce about your breakup?" Jay nodded looking at them, "she lied about those letters, they were never written by her."

"What? How did you even find that out?" Jay sighed watching his friends look at him with worried eyes, "I always felt disconnected from her, I started questioning her more about the letters but it would end up with us fighting and long story short, she confessed about her lies. I told her to tell everyone about her lies on her birthday when everyone will be present there and I will make sure no one will harass her over it and that we could part ways in peace after that." Heeseung nodded, still a bit shocked at how everything turned out, "if that's the case then it is indeed weird for her to go all out with the party."

"Let's just hope she isn't trying to pull any new stunts then," Sunghoon huffed looking at his friends, hands resting on his hips, "if she can steal someone else's identity for her greed, let's not think she is incapable of doing something mundane again." Rest of them nodded their heads, exchanging a look of wariness before making their way inside the house. Sunghoon stopped Jay from going away, one hand clutching his friend's shoulder, "Jay, I never got good vibes from Ava, don't let her get inside your head, be prepared for whatever okay? She's crazy enough. All you need is to look at me and I'll be there to help you." Jay smiled, nodding his head and assuring Sunghoon.

The party was in full swing, people were dancing around, some were already passed out on the couch, each corner of the house was crammed with people. The room smelled like sweat, alcohol and too many perfumes. Whenever you tried to move, your shoulders would brush against someone. The lights were dim but somehow harsh enough to make you squint. You had previously spotted Ava talking with her cheer squad, and called her aside to greet, give her the gift and go back into your apartment, but she stopped you, requesting you to wait since someone else called her name. Now you were standing beside the alcohol section, near the entrance of her house, waiting for an opportunity to find her alone and get done with it.

"Pretty," you didn't need to turn around to see who called you, his presence, his voice, the way you could feel his body heat on your back was enough for you to confirm who it was, "you're waiting for someone?" You nodded your head but didn't make any effort to change your position, eyes still trained on Ava who was now in the middle of celebrating her birthday. Jay stood beside her, his expressions hard as she cut her cake. She offered the piece of cake to Jay to which he just took it from her hand and fed her instead. The crowd cheered, their screams almost overpowering the music blasting through the speakers.

Then Ava signaled the DJ to pause the music, and the crowd quieted down, everyone gathered around Ava, who stood on the mini-stage along with Jay and some of her friends from the cheer team. Your heartbeat quickened but you felt a gentle squeeze on your shoulder, you looked up and Sunghoon gave you yet another squeeze of reassurance, you smiled at his gesture, a silent thank you, then you trained your eyes back on Ava, who was now looking at everyone with an anxious expression on her face as she announced she wanted to confess something to everyone. You swallowed, crossing your arms across your chest as you waited for her to continue. Jay stood beside her, eyes dark and intense but they softened slightly as he looked at you, your smile was enough to tell him you knew what was going to happen and he heaved a sigh, waiting for Ava to start speaking again.

"Thank you so much for attending my birthday and making it so much special for me," Ava smiled looking at everyone, "I am sure I won't be able to forget this birthday ever." Choruses of oohhs and aahhs spread all throughout the house, Ava shook her head, "I just want to confess something to you guys.....I've been holding it in for a while now." Everyone looked at each other, waiting for Ava to elaborate further, you watched as she looked back at Jay for a minute before her gaze turned back towards the crowd. You held your breath, anxious feelings creeping up on you as you waited for her to continue. "Everything is alright Ava?" Gyuri came forward, the rest of the crowd humming in agreement. She smiled at her, nodding her head, "I will be Gyuri." Sunghoon scoffed at her words as he leaned down towards you, "Oscar season came early huh?" You shivered as his breath hit your ears, a chuckle left his mouth watching her act.

"I feel like everyone deserves to know the truth about what's going on," you froze in your place when she stood beside Jay but her eyes locked in with yours. "The two people I trusted the most went behind my back," Ava's voice trembled as she looked at Jay, "he cheated on me," she exclaimed, pointing directly to you, "with her, my very own best friend." A ripple of gasp fluttered around the house, people glanced in your direction, whispering to each other low and biting. Tears welled up in your eyes, throat closing in, making it hard for you to defend yourself as you watched everyone look at you as if being in your vicinity made them impure.

"I trusted them, both of them but they intentionally chose to betray me like I was nothing." Your chest tightened as Ava continued her sob story of how you betrayed her, people around you started calling you names, whispers of you being a homewrecker, a whore, an attention seeking good for nothing slut, a nobody with a pretty best friend, a jealous bitch who couldn't watch her friend be happy. You shut your eyes, covering your ears with humiliation. "Avalyn!" Jay approached her, his tone dangerously even, "what the hell are you talking about?"

Sunghoon sighed as three of them made their way towards the stage where Ava and Jay were standing. Everyone's attention was fixed on the three band members who now stood at the foot of the stage as they watched the scene in front of them. Ava laughed bitterly, nose and cheeks red, and eyes glassy with unshed tears, "why are you acting innocent, I'm surely not the only one who noticed you pulling away from me, you didn't even sit next to me in cafeteria anymore, instead you were always around her, talking in whispers, about anything and everything, you think I wouldn't notice? You thought no one would believe the truth just because you're popular?"

"Oh I know you're not the one talking about popularity Ava!" All eyes turned towards Sunghoon who stepped up on the stage, eyes burning into Ava's, "you claimed to be the person who wrote those anonymous letters to Jay, you lied to everyone just so you could date Jay and get attention," everyone turned quiet, watching Sunghoon behave so rudely for the first time. Some of them turned towards you, trying to puzzle the pieces together. Jay stepped forward, grabbing Ava's arm to make her face him, "you lied to me, took advantage of someone else's words of love and used it for your selfish reasons and I pulled away from you when I caught your lie." Ava's eyes scanned everyone's face, lips trembling as she could feel everyone doubting her words, then her eyes fell upon you, her eyes darkening with anger, again.

"You're just deflecting because I caught you cheating!" She yanked her arm off his grasp, stepping back a little, "no! I'm clearing my name, if I was someone who treated relationships as casual, I would've dated countless girls and not waited for the right one!" The crowd started murmuring, words of agreement spread throughout as they realized the honesty Jay's words held, they never saw him entertain any girls before. Ava's breathing grows uneven when the room remains silent, no sympathy in their eyes, just observing, watching the drama unfold. "Are you done with your lies now? I told you we could part ways peacefully if you just confess about lying and come clean but you decided to drag me and your best friend through the mud just so you could have an upper hand."

Ava stepped closer to him, voice low but filled with venom, "you're really painting me as a villain because I claimed something that wasn't mine?" Jay stood there, his posture stiff and jaw clenched as Ava wasn't giving up, "you lied, Ava." She scoffed, tears clinging to her lashes, "but you believed me without a second thought Jay, and you believed me because you were desperate to be loved and I did just that, so how am I the villain?" You stepped back, unable to keep yourself together, the room felt too suffocating, you turned around towards the door trying to get out of the situation, to where? You didn't know, you just needed to get out of there. People watched as she spiraled more and more, concern spreading throughout the room, "and don't defend her like she needs to be saved," her voice lowered enough only Jay could hear, "she knew."

Slow smirk forming on her face, "She knew the whole truth but she chose to stay quiet." Jay froze, heart stopping at the cruel revelation, "you're lying..." but the look on Ava's face was enough for Jay to realize she wasn't lying this time. "She knew from the beginning, she watched me take the credit for those letters, watched you fall for them, and still chose to say nothing. So how are we different now?" Jay's eyes scan your figure amongst the crowd, like looking for you would give him some answers. Jay could barely hear a word coming from Ava's mouth, he felt his chest tightened, with disappointment? Betrayal? Or something else entirely? He wasn't sure.

Sunghoon leaned closer to Jay, informing him about you leaving the house. He pushed Jay down the stage so he would follow you. It took some time for him to snap out of everything and his feet started moving before his mind could catch up. Ava stood still, eyes trained on the way the crowd watched Jay run towards the door. Ava's figure trembled with anger, but underneath all the fury there was fear. Because she could see the closeness you and Jay shared couldn't be erased, not even now, now even after her lies were laid bare in front of everyone. Her feet moved, she couldn't let this moment be the one responsible for her downfall, Sunghoon grabbed her hand, pulling her back harshly, "we aren't done with you Ava," He looked back, Jake and Heeseung joining him as they cornered Ava, "can’t really let you walk away without leaving a scar for what you did to our best friend, now can we?"

Sunghoon turned towards the door, watching Jay run off towards the direction he gave him, Jay stopped when he reached the door, turning around to find himself locking eyes with Sunghoon who was holding Ava back from following him. Jay waited for him to say something, but Sunghoon just smiled, nodding his head at Jay and ushering him to follow you. Jay's lips trembled but he nodded back, turning around with newfound determination to find you. He walked down the stairs, looking around to see if he could catch a single glimpse of you, he ran his fingers through his hair, messing up the neat style he previously did. He swallowed hard, taking deep breaths, when he spotted something sparkling around the corner of the block. He ran towards that direction, praying and hoping you'd still be there.

You were walking down the sidewalk, mind too clouded and eyes too hazy to hear footsteps edging closer. You felt someone grab your hand and yank you back, then you heard the faintest whisper of your name, the voice slightly laboured, out of breath. A shiver ran down your spine at the sight of him, not expecting him to follow you out, you wanted to say something, anything but the look in his eyes, the way his lips trembled as he looked at you, the way his jaw was clenched as if he was holding something back, stopped you to saying anything further. For a moment he just looked at you, at your reddened eyes and tears stricken face but all it did was take him back a few moments ago when Ava told him the truth.

"You knew," he stated, his voice low and laced with something too broken to name, "Avalyn told me you knew she didn't write those letter, and you never told me..." your heart cracked at the slight crack in his voice as he talked, you opened your mouth but no words came out. He removed his hand from you, stepping closer till your toes touch, "all this time," he laughed bitterly, blinking a couple of times to wash away the tears that threatened to fall, "you watched me believe her, fall for a fake version of her, I trusted her, I trusted you, you're the only person with whom I shared the struggles of my relationship with, about how the letters made me feel seen, about how your best friend wasn't living up to it and you just let me?"

His words cut through you like a knife, you swallowed hard, throat dry, "it wasn't my place-" "wasn't your place?" He spat, eyes burning with betrayal and underlying heartbreak, "I thought you were my friend." Your head hung low, tears slipping down your cheeks, ashamed that you let everything spiral to this, "I'm your friend," your voice cracked, hands clenching into fist, you couldn't bring yourself to look at Jay, too guilty to feel worthy enough to do so. He shook his head as he watched you trembling in front of him, his hands itched to just pull you closer and hug you till it all started making sense. But he just shook his head instead.

The silence stretched for too long, none of you moved, your mind was swirling with hundreds of reasons you could give in order to justify your actions to him but none of them felt worthy enough to say out loud. Jay's hand trembled as they cupped your face, he placed his thumbs below your chin to tilt your face upward, "do you know how humiliating it was to find out that the entire foundation of my relationship was fake? That the girl who confessed about writing letters to me just played with my heart to get a few people to glance her way?" He wiped away the tears that fell down your cheeks, and leaned his forehead against yours, "and you? You let me believe in all of those things, you watched me make a fool of myself and didn't feel I'm worthy enough to know the truth."

Your breath hitched, hands reaching up to curl around his jacket to ground yourself, "I didn't want to hurt you Jay." He brushed his nose against you then stepped back, eyes red, hair disheveled as he narrowed his eyes at you, "isn't it too late to say that?" You closed your eyes as a choked sob escaped from your mouth, you couldn't even look at him without feeling the need to rip your heart apart. He was hurting, and he was hurting because of you. He studied you for a moment, even though every fibre of his body told him to just reach out to you, he took another step back, "I just," he ran his hand through his hair, visibly overwhelmed, "I don't know who I can trust anymore."

You opened your eyes at his words, "Jay," you started but he backed away even though you stayed glued in your spot, "wait here. Sunghoon will come and drop you off." And you watched him turn around and walk back towards Ava's house. You could see the weight of the betrayal, the disappointment, the truth weighing on his shoulders as he walked away and you stood there, watching the boy you love unraveling and breaking right in front of you. After a while, Sunghoon's car pulled up beside you and he got off, running towards where you stood, your arms circled around his waist, tears streaming down your face and sipping into his shirt. He held you close, rubbing your back to console you. The drive towards your apartment was silent, he glanced at you from time to time to check if you were doing fine. You bid him goodbye, assuring him that you'll call him if it felt too suffocating. He kissed your forehead, and pulled out of your building.

Jay was laid wide awake in his bedroom, still wearing the same clothes from the party, now slightly crumpled and disheveled. He blinked at the ceilings, recalling back to everything that led him to this moment. It felt surreal, the anonymous letters, the lie, the hope he had, the connection he shared with you, your lie, and the moment it all crashed down. He rubbed his face, groaning in his hands for being so stupid, he blamed himself for not verifying Ava's claim, for trusting her blindly. He wondered how his life would've been if he never received those letters, if he never let himself believe that someone was out there loving him the way he didn't know he needed. Maybe he got selfish after reading those letters.

He wondered how the person who originally wrote the letters must've felt after learning Ava claimed the letters as hers, about why that person never came forward to expose her lie, then his thoughts drifted to you. He still remembered the way his heart dropped when Ava told him you knew the truth all along, how even after knowing you deliberately chose to lie his heart still ached for you. How watching you crying in front of him felt like thousands of glass pieces pierced his skin, all at once. How one teary look from your eyes was enough for him to get on his knees for you. And it all confused him to no extent, he was sure he loved the person who wrote him the letters and he knew there was no one else who could see him the way they did, or make him feel the way their words did.

But now here he was, drowning in your thoughts, realization dawning upon him that even if you somehow decided to stab him with a knife, he would happily help you by placing it in the middle of his heart. That he somehow managed to fall in love with you so hard that he isn't sure what to do with his feelings. He knew he should've told you off, called you a liar, broken ties with you just like he did with Ava, because you were her best friend and you took part in her lies, that should've been the case but it wasn't. Instead, he just found himself looking for you amidst the crowd, his heart pounding and he ran off to find you, how his heart clenched at the sight of your trembling form and how relieved he felt after knowing you were safe.

He sighed, sitting up straight and switching on the lights of his room. He had been trying to sleep but he couldn't with all these thoughts running in his mind. His eyes wandered around his room as he grabbed the glass of water from his nightstand and drank it. He stopped when his eyes landed on the notebook neatly placed on his desk, your notebook, which you dropped as you rushed to attend the seminar. Despite his better judgement, his steps carried him towards his desk anyway. He picked up the notebook, fingers tracing the stem of the book, smiling softly at the little heart you drew at the corner of the cover page. He traced the heart with his thumb as if to picture you doodling it while you were thinking about something.

There wasn't a single thought behind his eyes when he opened your notebook, no suspicion, no curiosity, just a causal reach, a familiar motion which one does when they have a book in their hand. He didn't mean to see anything inside the book, but the second the pages parted and his eyes caught the words written inside, something shifted, like his heart recognized something his mind was yet to figure out. His fingers stilled against the paper, breath hitching as he looked at the pages, turning over a few more, just in case. He stumbled a bit, like the floor beneath his feet decided to slip off, and fell on his bed, he exhaled a deep breath, eyes trained on the book and your handwriting staring back at him, achingly familiar, too familiar and it hurt.

His fingers hovered over the ink, as if he felt the words would vanish if he touched them carelessly. But they didn't, they stayed, etched in the unmistakable way you write your words, the same pauses, the same rhythm. He flipped open the last page of the book and his throat tightened as he read a few lines that were scribbled recklessly, the handwriting a bit messy as if you wanted to hold onto the words before they disappeared from your head. Lines he recognized instantly, the one he knew he had read before, not in your notebook but in one of the letters that are neatly tucked inside the box. He grabbed the box and searched for the letters where you wrote those exact same lines dedicated to him. Keeping them side by side.

'I think you look the best as the sun sets, the sun's rays kissing your face in a gentle goodbye. Even the ground beneath you looks beautiful coated in your silhouette, and I wonder if I'll ever be able to stop seeing that version of you when I close my eyes.' He remembered those lines, he remembered how you wrote that you watched him enter the campus with his bandmates as he laughed at something his friends said, how you watched him till he disappeared from your sight from the library's crooked window, how you couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by how beautiful he looked and how deeply you were falling for him. His hands trembled as he clutched the notebook in his hands and made his way towards his car, towards you. He couldn't wait till next morning to talk to you, not after everything you both have been through, not after all the wait and longing.

You were sitting on your couch, hands in your hair, regretting everything that led you to this moment. All you wanted was to express your love for a person who helped you when you were at your lowest, a quiet support to let him know he wasn't alone. You still recalled writing him your first letter after you heard his parents berate him for choosing a musical career instead of their family business, they way his shoulders slumped, how hurt embraced him like an old friend. All you wanted was to let him know that he's loved, he's seen, and that his struggles aren't invisible. And maybe you did reach your goal, made him feel all the things you intended on making him feel but then everything shattered, like a twisted fairytale. And here you were, replaying it all, wishing you'd never sent those letters to him to spare him from the hurt that now made home in his eyes.

You wiped the tears that streamed down your cheeks, they seemed to be never ending, you'd sit for a while, blankly staring at nothing in particular then a sudden wave of emotions would dawn on you and tears would well up. You didn't try to stop them, didn't try to think of something that would numb all the pain. You deserved it, after all you had chosen to side with Ava instead of correcting her mistakes, so you let yourself feel, let yourself cry, let yourself hurt. You stood up, deciding to let sleep distract you from your feelings for a few hours would be a good option, you didn't want to bother Sunghoon with your feelings, he already did so much for you.

You turned around towards your bedroom, stopping mid-step as the echo of your doorbell bounced off your apartment walls. You frowned, wondering who would be visiting you at this hour. Still, you made your way towards the door, and opened it without a second thought, Jay stood in front of you, breathless, eyes red, then your eyes fell upon something he was holding tight in his hand. A notebook, yours to be specific. He didn't say anything right away, just stared at you as your brain pieced together the puzzle. You tilted your head upward, heart racing as you looked at him when a voice at the back of your head chimed in, he knows.

You weren't sure what to expect now that your secret has been revealed, you didn't not expect to see him again so soon, especially not with your notebook clutched in his hand at least. He walked towards you, and you wordlessly backed away to give him space, he hesitated before reluctantly stepping forward and keeping the book on the table by your entrance, "you left this behind," he mumbled, looking towards the notebook and not you, his voice hoarse as if it had been scratched. Then he turned towards you, stepping forward till there was no space left for you to go, "I read it." You swallowed, heart thundering inside your chest, "why did you? It was you....all this time....you." You inhaled sharply, mind racing with countless of things you could say to make this situation less messy and complicated than it had become, but before you could speak, he closed the distance, almost desperately, almost as if staying one second away from you was eating him up alive.

His lips met yours, not softly, not hesitantly. His fingers tangled in your hair, another one snaking around your waist to pull you close. Your hands found home on his shoulders, gasping at the sheer shock of it all. He kissed you like it was his elixir, the only thing that made the ache in his heart subsidize for a while. The kiss was everything, pain, longing, anger, love, all wrapped into one reckless moment of affection. He pulled back enough for both of you to breathe the air but not far enough that you'd miss his touch. His hand was still tangled in your hair, he gave it a gentle tug to tilt your head towards him, "I'm so fucking mad at you," his lips brushed against yours as he uttered those words, low and seething, "but I've never wanted anything else more than this."

He stepped back while you were still frozen in one place, his kiss lingering on your lips like a confession and goodbye at the same time. You opened your eyes, your breathing shallow, a little bit shaky as you watched him pace around your living room. You hesitated reaching out for him, like if you moved quickly the moment would shatter and vanish like it never happened in the first place. "Jay," you started, softly this time, fearing he would stop you yet again and leave you hanging, when he didn't, you took it as a sign to continue, "I never meant for you to know it's me." He stopped, his back turned towards you, "but I needed to..." turning around and stepping closer to you, "I needed to know it was you." Your lips trembled, you looked down to prevent him from watching you break yet again.

His hand reached up to cup your face, other reaching forward to hold your hand, "I was so angry," he breathed, leaning his forehead on yours, "At Ava, at you, at myself. I thought maybe all of it was just a fragment of my imagination, that none of this was real." You blinked, nodding your head, unsure of whether this is where he leaves or forgives you, "but then I saw this notebook, your handwriting, and I knew it was real, that you are real." Tears pricked your eyes but you blinked them back. "Why didn't you tell me?" He questioned, his nose brushing against yours, "I didn't tell you because I never thought you'd ever see me that way."

He kissed away the tears that managed to escape your eyes, your heart swelling with emotions at the softness of his actions, "don't say that, you don't get to decide how I feel about you, about us." He kissed your forehead, staying there for a beat or two, "I was looking for someone who was by my side the whole time, who made me feel seen, yet I was blind enough to never recognize the calm I felt in your presence was so achingly familiar."

"I never planned on coming out of the shadows, Jay. I just wanted to love you from afar, because I felt someone like me would never be able to keep up with someone like you. But Ava changed everything and I couldn't do anything about it. I tried warning her, but you looked so happy when she confessed that I couldn’t bring myself to tell the truth." You choked a sob, leaning your head on his shoulder as you cried. He held you close, kissing your head as he tried to blink back his own tears. "I fell in love with your words first, but it was your presence that made me fall deeper." And then without another word, he pulled you in for another kiss, soft and slow before it turned into something hungrier and needy.

"You said you weren't sure if I wanted you right?" He mumbled, not breaking the kiss, he pushed you towards your bedroom, a soft gasp leaving your lips at the abrupt movement, he took it as an opportunity to ease his tongue in your mouth, exploring, carving and claiming every corner of you as his, "let me show you how much I want you." His kisses trailed down from your mouth, to your jaw, his hand tilting your head slightly to pepper kisses down your throat. Your hand clutched his shirt, other sliding up from his chest to the nape of his neck and pulling his hair lightly. He groaned against your neck, sending shivers down your spine, his tongue lapping at your sweet spot. You moaned, he took it as a sign to suck on the same spot till a mark bloomed on it.

He pulled away, your body trembling as the air hit the spot where he licked. "You want me to show you?" He whispered, giving you a chance to back out if this isn't what you wanted, you gulped, taking a step closer, lips hovering above his, just enough, enough to drive him crazy with the distance, enough to have him begging for more, "yes," you sighed against his lips before grabbing his collar and pulling him down for another kiss. His hands travelled down from your neck, to your waist and finally they settled down low on your hips, pulling you closer so you could feel his hardening length against your thigh. You bit his bottom lip in response, which pulled a hiss from his mouth, hands tightening around your hips like he didn't want you to stop.

You felt his hand knead on the skin at the swell of your ass, your hands curling around his neck to bring him closer. He tapped your thigh, once, twice while leaning down and you took it as a sign to jump as he gave you support and carried you. Your legs wrapped around his waist and he pushed your body against the wall. He pulled away from the kiss, a string of saliva connecting your lips making him moan. He looked at you with a heavy, drunk in euphoria stare, a lopsided smile adorning his face as he took in your form, breathing heavily, cheeks flushed, hair messy and swollen lips. He decided it was one of his favorite looks.

His hand slid up from your waist, to your chest, stopping briefly to see you whimper before it reached your neck. He curled his finger around your neck, giving it a firm squeeze and you whined, throwing your head back, legs instinctively tightening around his hips. He smirked, leaning closer, "I need you to use your voice for me, butterfly. You think you could do that for me?" You nodded your head, aroused by the intensity of it all. He gave your neck another squeeze, a bit more firm, like a warning, "use your words, butterfly." You moaned, eyes rolling back, "yes." He smiled, releasing his hold from your neck and giving your neck a gentle kiss, "good girl."

Your hands that rested on his shoulders, rose up to cradle his face as he continued to lick, suck and bite your neck. You tilted his head, reconnecting your lips with his as if you couldn't just get enough of it. He groaned, one hand sliding at the nape of your neck to deepen the kiss and the other pressing into the skin of your arm, squeezing the flesh to anchor himself. He traced his tongue on your lips, before capturing your lips again, biting at the skin, silently asking you to let him in. His fingers then pulled at the hem of your top, tugging at it impatiently, you broke off the kiss, pulling the top over your head and throwing it somewhere in the room. His pupils dilated, hunger creeping in as he looked at you like he had been starving.

You swallowed hard, for the first time in your life you were watching someone unravel because of you without even doing anything wild. His ragged breath made you bold, you ran your fingers through his scalp before grabbing a fistful of hair and tugging it. He moaned, his lips attaching to the unmarked area of your chest, his hands sliding up and stopping just below the swell of your breast, "is this okay butterfly? Can I touch you here?" You whined, arching your chest, needy for his touch, "please," you whispered, almost as if it physically pained you because he wasn't touching you and he sighed, biting his lips and reaching up to squeeze your boobs.

"Let me take this off," His hands found the clasp of your bra, detaching it in one swift motion, he pulled the bra off of you and threw it down. Your eyes widened, low-key impressed by his 'bra-removing-expertise' but your train of thoughts broke off just as you felt his lips on your nipple, he liked it, then blew air on it, sending shiver throughout your body, his hand softly massaging the other one. You closed your eyes, leaning your head against the wall as he switched between both of your boobs, heat pooling between your legs, begging for attention. He took his time with your boobs, relishing at the sound of your soft sighs. He licked up your neck, placing a slow kiss on it, you grind your hips against his, a groan ripping out of his throat at the sudden sensation. His hands supported your back as he turned around and walked towards the bed, gently laying you down.

He stood at the foot of the bed, his eyes roaming on your half-naked self, he climbed up, gulping at the sight before him, "so beautiful." Your hands instinctively cross over your chest, frown appearing on his face at your actions, "don't be embarrassed, it's just me." He hovered over you, hands on your side, he removed your arms from your chest, dipping his head low and placing gentle kisses all over your chest, mumbling sweet nothings in between. Your hands fists the sheets, as he moved lower, his eyes trained on the way your expression changed with every movement of his. He stopped as he reached near the waistband of your shorts, sucking and marking the area around your hips. Your breath shuddered, eyes closing.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Your body relaxed as you felt Jay's voice vibrate through the skin of your stomach, you looked at him, hands on both sides of your hips as he found home in between your legs, chin propped up on your stomach, pupil blown wide as he waited for your answer. You ran your fingers through his hair, a small smile gracing your lips before the heat in between your legs became too much to handle, "yes, love." He got up, sitting on his knees as he started removing his shirt. You reached up, rising slightly to help him, eager to have him close. He threw his shirt somewhere near the bed, you sat up, trailing kisses from his torso to his chest. He tangled his fingers on your hair, not pulling, just holding. His eyes met with your lust filled one and you bit on his nipple, then placed a kiss, he moaned, loud enough that he surprised himself, and he pushed you back on the bed, connecting his lips back to yours.

His hands travelled down your body, squeezing, gripping, tracing, the skin beneath his hands, "you're so soft, butterfly." His fingers dig inside the waistband of your shorts, your breath hitched in anticipation, he looked at you once before he pulled both your shorts and panties off of you, together, in one swift motion. You tried closing your legs, the air around you feeling cool against the slick in between your folds. "You're dripping butterfly, all this for me?" He dipped down, fingers separating your folds to get a better look at your dripping hole, you whined, clenching around nothing as his words went straight into your core. His breath fanning against your folds, he slid up two of his fingers on your slit, your hips jolting with surprise, legs shaking.

He kept an eye on your face, in case you felt uncomfortable, he rubbed your clit in small circles, your legs digging in the bed, back arching. Your hand gripped his shoulder, the other one holding the wrist of his hand which was making you see stars. "I'll be putting a finger in love," he waited for your reply then carefully inserted his middle finger inside your hole, you gasped, lead lifting off the pillow, his head dipped down, capturing your lips in his to help you get distracted. He started moving his finger when you let out a strained whine, his movements slow and steady as he waited for your body to adjust to the feeling. "So good, Jay." He smiled at your words, carefully inserting his index finger and curling them inside you to test out the waters.

"Jay," you moaned, eyes rolling back, he continued his movements, increasing his pace, he could feel your walls clenching around his fingers, "damn love, you're doing so good for me." Your chest rose and fell, heart racing, mind filled with pleasure, you could feel a knot forming in your stomach, "Jay, I think- I think I'm gonna cum," Jay smiled at you, already feeling your release close before you even said anything, "yeah? Cum all over my fingers butterfly, make a mess." You nodded, brows furrowing at the overwhelming feeling, "shit, Jay don't stop," your breath shuttered, pleasure washing over you. Jay's movements slowed down, his eyes trained on the way your juices coated his fingers, his head dipped down, licking a long strip on your pussy, your hands flew onto his head, pulling at his hair at the sudden action.

His fingers gain their pacing again, as his tongue works on your clit, "Jay, it's too much, I can't." He groans when he feels you pull at his hair, "you can do it love, give me another one please." He laps at your pussy, eating it like it's his last meal, his hips slightly rut against the bed, aching to get some friction, you bite your lips, trying to supress your moans with how good he's making you feel and it's not long before you come undone again. He removed his fingers from your pussy and you whined at the empty feeling, you watched as he looked at you before putting his fingers at his mouth and licking them clean. His hands then spread your legs wider, tongue darting out to lick you clean. You shiver, legs closing around his head, feeling overstimulated after cumming twice, he laps at your pussy, smiling at you when he's done.

You pull the waistband of his jeans, a little impatient but eager to help him with his needs, "take it off." He chuckled at your needy tone as he removed his jeans and boxer, his hardened lock slapping against his abs. You gulped, mouth salivating at the sight, he looked so gorgeous as he kneeled before you, eyes closing momentarily as he stroked himself lightly, spreading his precum on his length. He climbed over you, his cock slapping against your thigh. He sighed, wiping the sweat dripping off your forehead and removing the hair sticking on your face. "So beautiful, could eat you out for hours, butterfly, you taste so good." You flush at his words, slapping his chest lightly, he laughed, leaning up to place a chaste kiss on your forehead.

He rubbed his cock against your fold to gather you slick, his hands placed on either side of your head, one of your hands held his shoulder while the other ran through his hair. He kissed you, gentle and soft as he lined himself up in your entrance, your breath hitched at the mere contact, legs tightening beside his waist, he groaned against the kiss, his hand sliding down to keep your legs open wide as he pushed himself in you, slow and steady. You hissed, feeling his tip enter your dripping cunt, he kissed you all throughout, mumbling words of encouragement and praises in between as he slowly bottomed out inside you. "Fuck butterfly, you're so fucking tight around me, it's like you're sucking me in, love."

You whimpered, feeling full, he looked at you, showering kisses across your face till you adjusted to his size so he could move. "Tell me when you'll be ready, okay love? Take your time." You nodded your head, kissing and marking his neck to distract yourself from momentary pain, his neck chain shining, against your face, "please move, Jay, fuck." He gave you a peck before pulling out of your pussy all the way, then sliding back in, in one swift motion. Your back arched, as a strangled moan left your lips. His hands trembled just hearing you moan right next to his ears. The sounds are going straight in his cock.

He pulled out, only to thrust back in, slow and deep, his eyesbrows furrowed as he tried his best not to lose control and fuck you senseless. You moaned, your walls clenching around his length, his chain hitting your face in the same rhythm his hips snapped against yours. "Faster, please." He leaned his head on yours, his movements steady as he smirked at you, "you want it faster my love?" You nodded frantically, and he bit your lip as he adjusted himself to increase his pace. He started slamming his length into you faster, and harder and with the way your walls were trying to suck him into you, he knew you were close. One of his hands slid down your body to rub circles around your clit to heighten your pleasure.

"Ah fuck, Jay!" He smirked as you held onto him like your life depended on it, "you're taking me so well baby, this pussy," he groaned, hand never stopping their movement on your clit, "made for me." You whined, nails digging on his shoulders, his chain repeatedly hitting your face, you frowned tilting your head up and parted your lips, and as the chain hit your face again, you trapped it between your teeth, Jay froze at he felt a abrupt tug on his neck, looking down towards you he breathed out a pained sigh, completely unraveling. His hips recovered their pace, hips slamming against yours. You released the chain and he dipped his head to suck your nipple.

"Fuck, Jay, I'm close so close," He released your nipple only to focus on the other one, "me too, I'm close too butterfly, cum with me, cover me with your juices, love, fuck." His movements became sloppy, losing the rhythm as he fucked you recklessly, you moaned one last time as your orgasm washed over you, he rode you through your high before spilling his seeds inside of you, long spruts if cum dripping out of his cock, you whined feeling the heat of his cum spilling inside if you. "I love you," you opened your eyes to see smiling down at you, the soft glow of your bedroom light framed him in gold, casting a quiet halo around his body, he chuckled lightly, wiping the tear that escaped your eyes without even you knowing, your lips trembled, "I love you too."

He closed his eyes, dropping his weight on you as he hugged you close, burying his face on your neck, still buried deep inside you. You hugged his shoulders, massaging his scalp as both of you regained your breath. "Come one, let me clean you up so we can sleep." You whined at his words and he chuckled, scooping you in his arms instead and took you inside the bathroom to clean you and himself up. You shuddered as he cleaned your pussy, feeling overstimulated and sore. He mumbled quick apologies, cleaning himself up, changing the sheets and climbing up on the bed with you to finally sleep.

The hallway is empty, save for a few students who are scattered across in little groups, you're sitting inside the empty classroom, gathering your belongings as you texted Jay that you'll be heading to his house soon. A small smile gracing up on your face at the mere thought of spending time with him. You're so busy with yourself that you don't hear her approach you. But the moment a pair of heels come into view, you glance up and Ava is already looking down at you, standing in front of you like she had been searching for you all day. Her eyes are red, almost as if she had been crying all week, her perfect hair frying at the edges, but it's her eyes, raw, wild and angry, you stand up.

"You're such a great actress," she says, low and seething as she looked at you, "you wrote those letters and let me play the role of a fool as I claimed to be the one who wrote your letters. You let me be the thief." You opened your mouth but she cut you off, stepping forward, every movement sharp with fury, "was this your ultimate plan? To humiliate me? Let me take the fall so you could step on me and reclaim the spot as yours?" Your eyebrow twitched, words flying off of your mind at her accusations, "No!" You sharply declined, stepping towards her instead of backing away like you always did, "you don't get to play the victim here Ava, you did this all upon yourself. Yes I wrote those letters, yes I let you claim it as yours but I did it for Jay."

You stood tall, having enough of her tantrums and manipulation, "I did it because he looked so happy when I saw him with you. You didn't ask me when you claimed those letters as yours, I even warned you but you are so selfish, you only think about yourself." She laughed, eyes squinting, "you let me live in the spotlight while you sat there watching me like some pathetic loser, what does that make me now?" Her voice crumbled, not from pain but from fury, "nothing, that's what I am now! I lost Jay, I lost my spotlight, I lost....you. and you were supposed to be someone who would never leave." Your heart broke watching her breakdown in front of you but you knew better.

"You were mine, my best friend, my shadow. You weren't supposed to overtake me, you were supposed to stay behind me!" She stepped closer, but you stepped back, she froze, realization hitting her on the face that the power she once had on you is over now. "You don't complain when you make your own plate, Ava. I warned you but you never listened. I stayed with you even when I knew you were using me to satisfy your ego, I thought you'd change but no, you don't care about anyone else but you and your image, and now that you've lost it, you're trying to manipulate me into thinking I was at fault. You wouldn't be in this situation if you never lied." She laughed, "wow, you really are the cruel one," she whispered. She stepped back, her heels echoing off the empty classroom and she left. And you were left standing there, watching her go out of your classroom and your life.

"Yeah yeah, I'll be there soon," Jay replied to Heeseung while packing his things inside his bag. He was currently in the music room of the university while everyone else was waiting for him to join them at a hangout spot they usually go to, the bridge that overlooks a river. He hung up the phone, his screen blinking with Heeseung's contact photo. He shook his head, locking his screen and continuing with his actions. He looked around to check if he forgot anything when he noticed he left his music book on the table, he grabbed the book hurriedly before placing it inside his bag.

An envelope fell down from his book due to his frantic movements and he stopped, crouching down to pick it up. His chest fluttered when he opened it, a handwriting which he had seen countless times appearing in front of his eyes, he smiled in amusement, wondering when you put this letter inside his book. He opened the letter anyway, deciding that waiting till the day was over would be too much for his curious heart.

My Jay,

If you look into my eyes, you'll find me thanking the heavens for blessing you in my life, smiling at the thought that I was lucky to have you, thinking about how I ended up with you.

If you look into my eyes, you'll find me looking for you everywhere I go, trying to trace your face amongst the crowd, yearning for being in your presence.

If you look into my eyes, amidst all the lingering eyes and subtle glances, you'll find me staring at you, watching you giggle, and when I get caught, I look away hiding my blush.

If you look into my eyes, you'll see how much your presence affects me, wanting to be the center of your universe. If I could, I would spend eternity with you.

If you look into my eyes, you'll find me clutching onto our dreams, a bit insecure about our future, still determined to take the tempting risk.

If you look into my eyes, you'll find how deeply I'm into you, so much so to the point I sometimes scare myself, thinking about how hard life would be without you.

If you look into my eyes, you'll find me standing by the river, gently letting the wind engulf my heart, looking at you longingly as you try your best not to fall.

If you look into my eyes, you'll see a tired soul, just wanting to love and to be loved, wondering if you feel it the way I do.

If you look into my eyes, you'll feel the love that pours out of me, just look up and stare directly at my eyes, you'll find me clutching at our dreams.

If you look into my eyes, you'll find yourself.

Yours,

Butterfly.

PS: I know you're wondering when I put this letter inside, but you'd never know, I'm kind of very good at this whole secret admirer agenda. Don't expect anything else, just because I'm dating you doesn't mean these letters will stop. I'm very much in love with you, but there are still some moments where I'm too shy to say what I want to say, but I need you to know how much I love you, so these letters are my armour. I wrote this for you recently, and I wanted you to read that!

He smiled, feeling warmth spread all throughout him as he folded the letter and put it inside the envelope, making a mental note to keep it inside the box when he reached back home. He sighed, content at how things have turned out. He still had a long way to go with his parents but you were by his side now, so he was glad he wouldn't have to face it alone. He felt at peace with you, never felt the need to say much. He was zoned out, drowning in his thoughts when his phone rang again, he snapped out of his thoughts, answering Heeseung's calls, "I'm done bro, I was just leaving."

"How many fingers can you see?" You glared at Jake, who currently stood beside you holding up 4 fingers in front of your face, "four," you muttered through gritted teeth, you could hear Heeseung chuckle from behind you, which annoyed you more. You put your glasses back, shoving Jake's shoulders. "You can see, why do you need glasses," you rubbed your temple, sighing in disappointment, "I'm not THAT blind, I just need them to see more clearly, stupid." Jake looked at you like you had just committed a crime against his dignity, "woah, did you just call me stupid? After all the love and affection I shower you with?" He placed a hand on his heart, staggering back a step, "me? The one who puts up with you squinting at traffic lights?"

Your mouth fell open at his words, you lurched forward, attempting to grab his precious hair as he didn't seem to back down from his teasing you. Heeseung laughed at both of you, clutching his stomach, beside him Sunghoon just shook his head, an amused smile plastered on his face as he stepped forward to separate Jake from your fury. "See, and you wonder why I call her trouble!" You stuck your tongue out at Jake, who was trying to make his hair more presentable after you messed it, trying to win an argument like a five year old, which worked somehow because Jake whined, clearly more irritated.

Jake gave you a side eye before turning around dramatically and walked off, joining Heeseung and complaining about how mean you are and how you never seem to return the love he showers you with, and how he feels that his best friend's agenda is one sided and you never considered him as such. You laughed at him, and he threw you an annoyed glance. You heard Sunghoon clear his throat from behind you and you turned around, standing beside him, overlooking the river as both of you leaned against the railing. "You know," you turned your head in his direction, but he wasn't looking at you, instead focusing his eyes on the view in front of him, "you used to make my heart race, at some time." You saw him swallow, a soft smile adorning his face, your heart skipped a beat, but you still hummed in response, "now you make me question your maturity level on a daily basis."

You gasped in mock offense, turning your head back at the river flowing gently in front of you, "excuse you, I just reciprocate the energy people give me." He chuckled, his fang-like teeth making an appearance, "whatever helps you sleep at night pretty." You pout at his words, bumping your shoulder with his playfully, he bumps back, just enough to make you slightly wobble on your spot. "Hey! I could've fallen," you whined, holding onto the railing tightly as if he would try to bump into you again, "don't worry, I would have fallen with you before letting you do it alone." You felt your heart tightened at his words but when you looked at him, you could see a teasing glint in his eyes, like he knew those words would make you stumble a bit.

You shook your head, smiling softly at his words, "see I don't doubt your words but I was hoping you'd just pull me back instead of falling with me." He chuckled at your words, ruffling your hair before retracting his hand back. "I'm glad it's you," He mumbled after sometime, "with Jay, I mean." He was already looking at you when you turned your head towards him, the wind messing his hair. You smiled, feeling warmth spread over you, "and I'm glad, you are still beside me." He nodded, tearing his eyes away from you, "I know....I think I'm exactly where I am supposed to be." You gulped, still looking at his face, you could see he wanted to say something more, so you just nudged his shoulder and arched your eyebrows at him.

It got quiet for a second, wind flowing through your hair as you stood with him in silence yet it was enough, for you both, it would always be enough, "I think some part of me loved you even before I realized it, you're good, a steady kind of good, the type where I know I could lean on you and never have to worry about falling apart." You nodded, biting your lips at his sudden confession, "and I loved you, not in the way like I love Jay, but something just as real, something I still do." His smile turned a little melancholic but still held the same warmth nonetheless, "I'm glad at the way things turned out, that you got Jay just how you wanted, it pained me to watch him be with Ava, second guessing everything in his life." You exhaled, memories resurfacing in front of your eyes, "you pushed me towards him when all you wanted was to hold me, it's something which I will never forget, Hoon."

"Oh, this dangerously looks like someone is trying to bond without me," you both turn around at the voice, you don't move but you're already grinning like a lovesick fool, the wind mess with your hair lightly and Sunghoon just smiles like he had been waiting for Jay to make his entrance. "Relax, lover boy, she's still yours." Jay rolled his eyes at Sunghoon's words, making his way towards where you stood and sliding his arms around both of your shoulders, pulling you both in. "We were just talking," you grinned, nuzzling into his warmth, "talking huh?" He teased, playing with your ear. Sunghoon snorted, clearly amused at the exchange, "yeah talking, want me to narrate everything to you so you'd feel included?"

Jay shook his head as Sunghoon leaned his head on his shoulder, "trouble comes in pairs in my life." You and Sunghoon laughed at his words, not really defending his claim, then Jay sighed, a content smile gracing on his lips, "lucky for me though, I'm clingy and not emotionally constipated." You scrunch your nose in response, just as Sunghoon faked his cough, "and humble too, apparently," you joked, rolling your eyes though you had a fond smile on your face. "Seriously though..." Jay trailed off, kissing your temple as you hand reached up to give his hand a gentle squeeze, "I don't think I've ever felt this steady in my life, like I know even if the world around me starts to spin I've got people who would have my back."

"And we've got your back too," Heeseung replied, standing beside Sunghoon, who then draped his hand on Heeseung's shoulder, while Jake joined your side, his hands interlocking yours as he looked at everyone, "Wow, this shit almost made me cry." Everyone groaned, nagging at him for ruining the moment. "It's so stupid, but I feel so lucky right now," Jay chuckled, biting back his emotions. "You're definitely stupid, but hey at least you're self aware," Heeseung laughed, looking at everyone with softness. Jay shook his head as he dramatically sighed, "I take it back, I'm not lucky, I'm doomed." Sunghoon chimed in, not missing a beat, "you still chose us, real tragic."

Jay threw his head back, mumbling quiet curses and you all laughed at him, Heeseung stepped forward, reaching up to ruffle Jay's hair, and Jay groaned, fighting with him to ruin his hairstyle too. Jake slid his arm around your shoulder and Sunghoon turned his back towards where Jay and Heeseung were fighting and leaned against the railing, you sighed, relaxing under Jake's hold, "you still love us though." Jay's eyes found you, before they landed on the other boys, he watched all of you look at him with expectant eyes, waiting for him to say something in retaliation, but deep down they knew Jay would never disagree with you so with a frustrated groan he mumbled, "unfortunately, I do."

[cupidscoveofhearts]

Somewhere in nyc with you (and my gun under our pillows) ᥫ᭡.

sweet starter pack of post-re4!leonkennedy in the city with receptionist!reader ...

tw ; mention of guns, not in detail though !

word count ; 2.7K

genre ; head cannons , fluff

this is my first ever piece on tumblr! omg! i'm sososo excited and i hope you enjoy the start of this little universe i've created for leon and you ᥫ᭡.

enjoyyyy !

• after returning from spain and back to HQ in the big city, it took leon time to adjust back into his shitty little broken apartment in nyc

• his first day back is filled with looks of admiration, words of congratulations, and the women of the workplace all over him.

• and leon's a tired soul, he hates all the attention and questions, but he deals with it anyway.

• it wasn't until a few days into being back he met you, though.

• and was he glad he did.

• they had a new security detail which required him go to the opposite end of the building to sign off some papers at the reception down there, and, albeit reluctantly, he made the trip.

• but when he saw you? his attitude changed up very quick.

• now leon never had very much confidence in himself (poor baby) but over the years he'd gotten better at masking that fact

• he can't believe you're a receptionist with how beautiful and intriguing you look, almost like you're meant for more, not somewhere as harsh as this world, as harsh as him.

"hello sir, is there something I can help you with?"

• what can't you help him with...

"...here to sign off security clearance papers for leon kennedy."

• leon speaks in a very low and monotone voice, a voice that's been round the bend a few times. leon doesn't mean to be so passive and closed off, but he's never been into too much socialising, especially anything to do with work politics.

• you hand him the papers sweetly, a soft smile on your face before you commit back to your computer and answering calls, but leon's so caught up in you that he can't help but blurt out:

"go out with me."

• leon's a direct and blunt man, it's a yes or a no.

• you look at him, eyes wide and brows furrowed as you let out a noise of confusion while still on the phone

• the minute you don't give him an answer, he walks off, like he doesn't care

• but oh, this boy cared big time.

why did i say that?

fucking idiot leon!

well done, loser.

• from there, he made the ultimate decision that he would never come to that part of the building again and would avoid you like the plague at all cost.

shit.

he left the fucking papers.

in the awkward beginnings ...

• he manages to avoid the lobby for two. whole. weeks. he takes the stairs instead of the lobby lift, sends interns to run his day-to-day errands, redirects email deliveries from the reception straight to him...you started to think this man hated you.

• unfortunately for him, the security system starts to update weekly, and the only person authorised to update security clearance? you.

• he considers transferring departments. legitimately considers it. he gave up after finding that the paperwork is too much, even for him. he hates paperwork.

• he tries what he believes are subtle (but more so stupid and painfully obvious) attempts to get close to you once he does start coming back to the lobby, in an attempt to try and fix things (despite there being nothing he actually has to fix since you both had nothing in the beginning but oh well)

• he finds every excuse to ask you a question just to hear your voice. 'needed a pen.' my clearance badge has bent.' 'did i leave my tactical gloves here?' the excuses get more and more frequent, like, ten times a day and you start to catch on.

(p.s. he bent the clearance badge himself.)

• it's just because he doesn't really always know what to say. often times he doesn't realise he's doing it until you look up and catch him, to which he quickly averts his eyes to a plant or painting.

• develops a staring problem. not to be creepy, it's just his deeply repressed feelings of romance that he squashed deep beneath his surface that are forcing there way out due to his attraction for you.

• he leaves things on your desk anonymously. it starts off with small gestures - an energy bar and a drink of water after he hears you missed breakfast. a cup of your morning beverage that's your exact order. a pile of files you would've had to walk half way across the building to collect.

• you get an inkling it's him, from the way he watches from the sofas in the lobby in anticipation of you seeing what he's left, but you never call him out for it, and he's painfully grateful for that.

• one day, he's doing a daily walk past your desk just to get a glimpse of you before a long meeting he really could wait for, when he sees someone else flirting with you - a man he's never seen before who has actual charisma.

• you're too smart for this random guy, you're too out of this world for this guy. who is he?

• leon was definitely looking this guy up in the database later.

• due to his previously stated staring problem, leon walks right into glass door while trying to get a better look at you and the man, which earns looks from all people near him, including you.

• but you smile, and make a mental note to ask for his number.

the talking stage (if you could even call it that) ...

• leon would hate that it's called 'a talking stage' when a friend of his let's him know about the world of talking to girls. it's weird. only a stage? it feels temporary.

• he doesn't want it to be just temporary with you.

• you send the first message in the evening, at around ten pm, which is lucky, because it was taking leon hours to decide whether he should message first or not.

"put the files on your desk for your next mission on your desk for you!"

• leon then spends at least 10 minutes deciding if 'thanks' should have a full stop or not.

• his texts are super dry.

"EOD has been pushed back. let downstairs know."

"Okay."

"Sure."

• he rewrites them all multiple times, and always feels stupid once he's sent them.

• the first time she sends a smiley emoji? it's like he's staring at a foreign object. he didn't even know you could do that.

• when you start talking more, he can never pull his eyes away from his phone. he starts to spiral when you don't respond within minutes.

"did you see my last message"

"just checking."

"forget it."

"never mind."

"sorry."

• he regrets it all and goes dark for at least twelve hours out of embarrassment.

• after a while, he starts walking you to the subway after work. even though he lives in the complete opposite direction and it would be an hours walk back, he doesn’t care. prefers to look after you instead.

• and if it starts raining one night he’d definitely give you his jacket

• and if you’re not feeling up to walking one night because you’re tired, you don’t feel safe or leon can’t walk you? he’s ordering you a taxi, on him.

• he starts to grow obsessed with getting you flowers, like, all the time. one time walking to work he sees a florist and impulsively buys you some small white lillies and drops them off at the reception before you get in for the morning.

• at the end of the day, when you’re in a meeting, he comes down to the reception to check with your co worker that you did get the flowers. this becomes a religious routine, which you absolutely love.

• your conversations at the front desk in the morning, on breaks, and at end of day get longer and more frequent.

• he notices all the little things about you, down to your earrings. one day you change up what ones you wear, opting for a slightly bigger hoop that day.

“you changed your earrings.”

“…oh! yea…they okay?”

“of course they are, they’re…yea, they’re pretty.”

• he gets sweeter with his texts, more caring and more comfortable. he’s always checking in.

“you home safe?”

“rain was heavy, did you get the subway okay?”

“fixed the downstairs printer so you don’t have to walk far.”

• you have a certification exam one day, which you’d mention to leon very briefly a week or so ago. and leon takes notice, and he makes sure to let you know.

“good luck tomorrow.”

“thx leon! didn’t think you’d remember”

“of course I would.”

and finally, he asks you out …

• took him long enough. it was a simple moment, you had both stayed behind late to finish paperwork, and had ordered chinese takeout which was spread across a meeting table in one of the meeting rooms.

• he kept trying to ask, but the words got stuck in his throat.

“…so…we- well…”

“what is it?”

“…wanna go out with me?”

“…yea, I would.”

“okay…great.”

• he was really giddy inside.

• neither of you announce it to anyone, you just…start being together.

• he’d start coming over to your place, a beautiful skyline apartment right in the heart of the city. he loved your balcony, sitting there late into the night.

• he would often sleep on the couch when you first got together, nervous to overstep yours and his own boundaries.

• touch is brand new territory. he’s not anywhere near used to casual affection, so when you link your arm with his as you walk, or lean into him a little more than usual, he shuts down a little bit.

• not in a bad way, more like his brain blanks and he has to reboot. however, he does soon ease into it, and starts to crave it.

• he starts to hold your wrist gently as you pass by each other, in the halls at your apartment or in the elevator at work. you’ll loop you fingers through his belt loop when standing in line for coffee…

• he adores the soft, quick, casual touches now. doesn’t know how he lived without them for so long.

• your desk starts to collect more and more of his things. his badge lanyard, his jacket draped on the back of your chair, his gloves…

• at lunchtimes, you’ll both sit behind your desk, you sitting in one chair and him the other, his feet kicked up in your lap as you both eat in silence.

• almost everywhere you walk together, your hand is now enclosed in his. he’ll lead you with his hand, always caressing it with his thumb unconsciously.

• he loves physical touch now, is obsessed with it after being deprived from it for so long.

• anytime he can get his hands on you, he does. he loves hugs from behind, giving and receiving. he loves to hold your waist and bury his face in your neck, and he adores it when you enclose his waist with your arms and nuzzle into his back.

• when you’re both alone, he loves to have a hand on your ass or a tit. not in a sexual way, he just likes to know you’re there.

• he’d been away on his first mission since you two had gotten together, for three whole weeks. he thought he was going to die from not being able to see you.

• he tries to talk to you any chance he gets, but he never has any signal. when he finally gets some, he receives a voice message you left him talking about your recent night out with the girls.

• you say you miss him.

• you. miss. him.

• he saves it and listens to it over and over again.

• your first kiss? when he comes back.

• he makes his way straight to your place as soon as the aeroplane lands, and falls into your arms as soon as he walks through the doors and drops his bags.

• the most you’ve kissed up until now are soft kisses to the cheek, and he does like to kiss your knuckles a lot.

• you sit him on a bar stool by your kitchen counter as you redo some stitches that have reopened on his forehead, and he’s in absolute awe.

• this is definitely the moment he fell in love with you, if he hadn’t already.

• you lean in to dab some antiseptic into the wound, and he can’t help himself. he leans in and captures your lips in the softest of kisses.

• you pull away with a small smile on your face, quickly pressing another quick kiss to his lips. his moth is left agape and his eyes soft but wide.

“you okay leon?”

“…yea.”

“…did that make you nervous, leon?”

“…obviously..”

• he was as red as a tomato.

pack your stuff, leon. you’re moving in …

• when you hear about where he’s been staying once a week at most when he’s not sound asleep in your bed, you scold him and tell him to crash at yours. permanently.

• he shows up with one duffel bag. you huff at him even more as you usher him in, mumbling something about how you’re gonna buy him a whole new wardrobe since he clearly hasn’t got one.

• he insists on doing a security sweep every night. checking the window locks, the door locks…your safety is too important to him to just brush it under the rug.

• he always cleans. whether that’s doing the dishes, watering your plants, polishing the stove…it’s his home now, with you. a little safe haven, and he intends on keeping it that way.

• he is obsessed with the space. he’s at peace. he can finally sleep, though it is lightly, he sleeps. it’s so quiet in your bedroom, in the kitchen, everywhere.

• he gets very warm at night, so even though you fall asleep cuddling, he wakes up in a completely different position, though he's still touching you in some way, whether that's a hand across your waist, your legs tangled slightly, etc.

• due to his raging insomnia and constant nightmares, leon is always up earlier than you, letting you sleep in as long as you need since you were most likely up with him.

• he'll make you both coffee and breakfast so that it's ready for exactly when you wake up, since he's learnt your internal body clock.

• you guys have really quiet mornings and evenings. while he does the dishes,you organise a movie night. while you cook, he sets the table.

• when you sit for breakfast, lunch, or dinner, he's got his arm draped around the back of your seat as you both eat in a comfortable quiet.

he becomes very protective and paranoid ...

• you find a gun in the bathroom. taped behind the tank of the toilet as you're cleaning. you ask him about it, and he just doesn't look at you.

"...you never know.."

• under the bed frame, he's hidden a small sidearm. you catch him checking it one night before bed.

"is that another one leon?"

"...just want you safe."

• leon is so paranoid that something will happen, that more and more start dotting around the place.

• he'd definitely teach you how to use one, but would get really stressed over it when he finally backs off in the shooting range to let you try on your own.

"baby- oh baby, please be careful-,"

"well done baby, that was so good."

"straighten your arm, don't want it to backfire into your face, baby."

• this type of mentality is built into him, and you aren't there to change him, just to love him.

• so you can live with a few guns under your pillows if that means he's cuddled up in the crook of your neck sleeping peacefully when night comes.

ahh! this took me like two days to finish, idk why it took me so long but it's done! i hope you enjoyed it <3

LOTS OF LOVE,

Cupid ᢉ𐭩.

posted at 19:58 on 03/07/2025 .

[wordsarelife]

—it's 2am, here we are: two year anniversary celebration event

hello, my lovely friends!! at the start of the year 2022, i created this tumblr account and posted a few fics. i didn't really pick up writing on here.

then i watched lockwood and co a year later and it completely changed my life. i was heartbroken at the lack of fics about the show, just like many other fans of the show.

so i picked up writing for it myself and had so much fun.

i posted my first 'official' fic in february 23. it was a george x reader one. it’s terrible in retrospect (please never look at it again), but it’s where it all started.

since then two years have passed. i've written a lot more (almost 150 fics, wohooo), met incredible people (hugs and kisses to all my moots, but also everyone who was so kind to follow along) and read a lot of amazing fics by other writers.

so this is me saying: thank you.

thank you for the wonderful time. i’ll cherish it forever and keep showing up, hoping for more magic, more softness, and more late-night chaos in our inboxes.

to celebrate, i’m opening up a few fun things for the occasion.

consider it a little thank-you gift from me to you 💌

rules !

— feel free to send in multiple requests, but please only one emoji per request !

— you can participate anonymously (unless you’re requesting the last one) and until july 25 !

— every post can be found under the hashtags: #lizzystwoyearsontumblr #lizzys2amevent #lizzyswritinganniversary

🎀 [i once believed love would be burning red] — requests have been closed for a while, but just for now, you can send in any requests you have. after the event, i’ll choose five to add to my waiting list !

🦩 [play stupid games, win stupid prizes] — let’s play! choose between fmk, this or that, or would you rather !

💞 [and all the pieces fall, right into place] — send me a character, a ship, or a trope, and i’ll give you a short “what if” scenario with my own thoughts about it !

🩰 [i remember it all too well] — send me a fic i wrote, that you liked, i’ll re-read and ramble about what was going through my head. old drafts, forgotten headcanons, deleted scenes, cringe lines, the behind-the-scenes !

💗 [i had the time of my life fighting dragons with you] — love letters to my moots! includes: what i admire/love about u, my fav fic of yours, or anything else that comes to mind ! (mutuals only)

tagging a few moots: @redeemingvillains @2dloveshp @iamgonnagetyouback @daisydark @nottswitch @pizzaapeteer @obsessedwithceleste @amongemeraldclouds @blooberry-bagel @ahead-fullofdreams @maraschinomerry @allurearia @rainbows-r-nice05 @mitskiswift99 @ash5monster01 @novelizt @archiveoftara @neewtmas @tangledinlove @givemea-dam-break @websterss @cipheress-to-k-pop

i wanted to tag a few moots, that i haven’t been interacting with in a while, since you guys have been there from the start. but just feel free to ignore this :)

[natolesims]

Somber announcement

@bastardtrait just posted about this and you know what? What the hell. I've been in denial for weeks but it's time to set myself freeeeee

All my main saves are fried. Yup. Gone. Kaput. I thought the nature of it were mod issues, but the save corruption has been happening to me a little too often (those who follow @dustbon know what's up) and now my long time saves are unplayable, no matter what I do. Lite cc, vanilla, playing in recovery saves and backups, repairing the game, 50/50, following tutorials to optimize the game, you name it. Even some of the sims' tray files from those worlds were corrupted, so my personal gallery was compromised as well. The culprit? Most probably the for rent ep, since those problems practically never happened to me before after years of playing this game with even messier settings, saves and cc. And I know I'm not the only one.

I recently got desperate, deleted my game and reinstalled it. Started fresh. It's been running fine so far, I've been testing it with the very veggie challenge I started posting at @dustbon. I'm so angry and sad my personal save, the stories and legacies I worked on for years and the sims I was so attached to are perfectly unusable now... But this is a game, and I want to have fun with it while playing. Not stressing out after spending hours trying to fix what's wrong when I actually have the chance to sit and relax for a while one day or another.

So... Yeah. No more princess save, not so berry, anything. I think I'll take this as a chance to start from a blank page. Since that means I won't need a sideblog anymore, I'll be moving the gameplay posts from dustbon here. Excuse the messiness since I could probably just keep posting there without problem, but I think it's more of an emotional need. @pixel-bloom @rillabrooke, the sims you sent me are safe and sound, and I'm so sorry for not being able to play with them properly. If you're ok with it, I would like to include them in the save I'm currently playing in.

Whew, that was long. I'm glad I could take it out of my chest because the anxiety and frustration was killing me, tbh. So... Thank you. And those who were asking about the continuity of the stories and gameplay challenges (I got your asks), I'm afraid that's not happening. I'm really grateful you enjoyed them as much as I did, you know? Hopefully the casual gameplay can compensate something.

[wangxianficfinder]

Hello! Sorry for the slow response time today, I've been down with a headache most of the day but I'm about to start work on getting the Itmf post updated as much as I can until the site's back up.

Since AO3 is currently down, why don't you send in some asks while I do so?

Anyone have any questions they'd like answered?

- Mod C

Update: AO3 is back up! I have finished updating the Itmf post 😊 if I missed anything, please let me know. Also, thank you for the well wishes~

[the-girl-in-the-high-castle]

So now that I've seen the show, seen the film and read the first book, I have to be honest and say that of all three, the show definitely wins.

I'll say it again, I'm not impressed by it at all, I've seen far better shows, but it's fun and I loved watching it and I'm a fan of it, and it beats the original film by a long shot when you have the books as a reference. I never thought I'd say this for a shitflix adaptation, but it's way more true to the book than the og Danish film is. I definitely did not expect that.

Spoilers ahead. Nobody asked for this long post, but well...

Now, why do I prefer the show to the book? It's blasphemy to say it, I know, but we're being honest here.

The main reason is the backstory of the Merete/Merrit's kidnapping and the reason behind it. The original book/film story is very weak to me. I'm sorry, but it is. The reason for Lars' revenge on Merete is a bit dumb. Like, who blames a girl for a car accident where her father lost control over the car on a slippery road in winter while overtaking another car? Besides, Merete lost as much as Lars did in that accident, and blaming her for it is just plain stupid. She was playing with her little brother in the backseat. Yes, they were a bit reckless, but that's about it, they were kids. I like that they tried to make it more of her fault in the film by having her put her hands over her father's eyes and thus causing the loss of control, but it was still not enough.

What makes it even weaker is that the og book/film Merete is literally a saint. Okay, I may be exaggerating, but her only fault is literally that she's a politician. That's it. She's never done anything wrong in her life. This is where the show absolutely wins with logic.

Show Merritt IS a bitch, and we're shown multiple times the reasons why people hate her. She's been problematic since her teenage years. But in spite of being a bitch, she's a very strong character (the best written in the whole show) and everything we see from her in her captivity makes perfect sense. She's stubborn and strong-willed, and she stands by every decision she's ever made, even after years of torture. I will always love characters like that, unapologetic and consistent in everything they do. We need more characters like that. I can count them on the fingers of one hand.

Book Merete is, at times, close to show Merritt, like when she decides she's gonna be the one to decide when she's going to die, or when she bothers her captors and tries to provoke them, but there was little of that in the film.

Okay, Lars's backstory after the accident is brutal, and it makes sense for him to become a nutcase. The loss of family, the foster family that abused him, being sent to a correction facility, etc. But the original reason for revenge is not enough for me. The show backstory is way more interesting to witness, because we see Lyle being abused by his mother and having the only person who ever cared for him and protected him (his brother) being taken away from him because of Merritt (well, it's because of him, but the whole shitshow sure as hell looked like it was Merritt's fault). Also, both Lyle and his mother being nutcases made Merritt's torture more realistic. I always like the stories where a character is pushed to do terrible things because of trauma better than when someone is horrible for the sake of being horrible, but in this case it doesn't do it for me.

And Carl, well, show Carl is absolutely the image of book Carl. I didn't expect that either. Which is why I have no idea how they came up with film Carl, cause he's different (not necessarily in a bad way, but he's not that entertaining to watch).

Show Akram is also very true to book Assad, unlike film Assad.

I've only read the first book so far, but I prefer Rachel to Mona because, for now, she has a lot more personality in the show, and I love her. I do hope to see Carl being absolute trash for her in the show the way he is in the book (he's starting off very well). The show has also handled their relationship less awkwardly cause she's not really his therapist, just a temporary replacement.

Pretty much every character was handled better and is more interesting in the show than in the other two. You can sue me, I don't care. This comes from someone who loves Scandinavian thrillers, but it is what it is. I've seen people say the film is way better than the show, but where? They must have watched a different film.

All in all, the changes made in the show were done for a reason, and they made the story better and more interesting to me. But I was very surprised to see how true the show actually was to the book.

[skzdominate]

BREAKUP VACATION

Han Jisung x fem!black! Reader

NOT REQUESTED

Sharing a bed with needy ex-boyfriend Han on a trip you both didn't cancel after the breakup.

word count: 5.46k

PLEASEEE if you enjoy this like, comment, and repost I spent literal DAYSS on this🙏🏾🙏🏾

also can somebody friggin request something on this account I'm desperate (more weak hero posts soon on @parkjihoonswifey)

WARNINGS: smut 18+, oral (f), fingering (f), use of y/n, angst(although I'm terrible at it), I can't think straight I've been up all night editing this.

no it's not proofread blow me I haven't slept in 29 hours and I have work at 11 today 🥀🥀

also ts kinda buns...

REBLOG TO MAKE ME FAMOUS GUYS.

WE AIN'T EVEN FAMOUS!!! (tarzzan or whoever you spell it he so fine i don't give a damn about them cornrows he looks the fuck good to me😩😩

PUT MY SNEAKERS ON!! HA-NA DUL READY GET SET GO(this is me starting the story)

Your last fight with jisung wasn't like the others. You didn't scream at him, he didn't scream at you. You didn't say much, just a silent plea for him to notice your insecurities—notice you.

Your relationship was great. You loved him like an idiot, and he loved you ten times greater. You stayed together when he wasn't at dorms, and when he was there, so were you.

The fans weren't always a problem, but the more you saw—the more edits, the more tweets, the more comments that flooded under his posts—you couldn't help but feel some type of way.

Han was always busy, whether it was practicing, producing, tours, anything else, he almost never had time for you during the day.

Over time, he got more annoyed when you brought it up, but never showed it too much. “I'm sorry you feel like that” and “I'm right here” turned into "You're talking crazy" and "Stop overthinking it so much". It made you sick to your stomach, and made you wonder how you let him treat you like this.

One thing never changed. Every night before a tour, he'd leave you a gift—usually a small piece of jewelry or he'd take you out. Then a few hours later, he left. He'd go on stage and look amazing. It always made you feel jealous, even if you knew what was yours.

This particular fight, though—your last fight—started over something completely different. Not the fans, not the insecurities—something completely worse.

"Jisung," you say calmly to him, walking into the living room where he sat, laid back and man spreading on the couch. He barely looked up from his phone, muttering a small "hm?".

You tried to control your anger, you really did. You took a deep breath, "Have you been telling the guys about our sex life?" You cross your arms, hands shaking. He drops his phone into his lap, and looks up at you with pretty eyes. His skin looked so beautiful—tan the way you loved, cheeks soft, and lips thick. He looked so perfect.

"I might've," he holds his hands up in defeat, "but it's not like we really have one, do we? I mean between shows and you being mad all the time, we haven't had sex in a while," he stands, headed towards the kitchen unbothered.

You follow him though, "what the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means what I said. We haven't had sex since I got back from the last tour—that's almost two weeks now. Don't act surprised."

"Well sorry that I'm surprised that my own boyfriend isn't satisfied with our sex life! Am I the problem for not being in the mood sometimes?"

He steps forward, his hands slowly finding their way to your waist, but you push him away, "Not the time, Jisung. Are you gonna talk to me like an actual man or should I go?"

He turns away, but doesn't answer immediately. The silence breaks your heart." Maybe you should.”

You honestly were surprised. You walked away, eyes starting to water, packing a small bag and texting Chan. He watched you move, eyes never leaving you.

“Where are you gonna go? You don't have anywhere to go.”

“Away from you, away from all this. I'll go to San’s house for all you care,” you lied. You grab your car keys—about the only thing of yours he didn't pay for—and headed towards the door.

He ran up behind you, grabbing your shoulder and pinning you to the wall next to the door. His eyes were shocked, sad, and helpless. He looked confused, not knowing what to do or say.

“Baby, I didn't mean it, nothing I said. You know I'm under pressure and I'm just stressed. But going to your ex’s house? lowball, even for you.”

You push him off of you, brows shifting in anger, “The only “ex’s” now are me and you. It's over, Jisung. For real.” You reach for the door before he can stop you, already outside and dialing Chan's number.

“Hello?” he answers on the second ring.

“Hey, Chan. I just—I just had a fight with Jisung. Can I come to your dorm?”

“Holy shit. Of course you can. What happened?” he questions, background noise suggesting he just sat up out of bed.

“I'll explain when I get there,” you make your way down the stairs and out the main door.

“No problem, take your time. Be careful driving.”

“Yeah, thanks”

you hang up, making your way out to the garage.

❀⊱┄┄┄┄⊰❀

You pull up to Chan waiting outside for you. By this time, you had tears streaming down your face and ruined eyelashes. You quickly got out, still aware that you're in public and hurried over to where he stood in a cap and mask. He took them off when he saw you approach, and immediately pulled you in for a hug.

“Aww, Bug, are you okay?” he wraps his arms around your back, right hand rubbing up and down slowly. You stood there crying for a second before pulling away.

“I'm sorry for making you come out here. we can go inside,” you pass him and go into the back door to the building.

Once inside, the other members see you and question, but Chan pushes them away and leads you to his room.

“Stay here for as long as you need, get comfortable. Do you wanna explain,” he sits carefully on the bed next to you. You fall into him, arms around his neck, face buried into his chest.

“I just loved him endlessly and he told me to leave because I asked him if he was telling you guys about our sex and he basically said he wasn't satisfied with me. Then he tried kissing me and I refused so he got upset,” You had wiped your runny nose on your sleeve, and Chan wiped the tears from your eyes.

You sat in silence for a few minutes, chan pulling you in and stroking your hair to comfort you.

You had calmed down a bit—enough to stop crying. “I just don't feel appreciated and I broke up with him and it feels like I shouldn't have. I love him, Chris. I really do.”

He nods along, carefully choosing his next words, “I think being alone for a while will be good for both of you. You're both my best mates, and you look pretty damn good together. I think you just need a break, or to be alone with him—not worrying about fans, friends, sex. It'll do you some good, kiddo. Think about it,” and the next second he's off the bed and out the room. You let your body fall back against his sheets, and before you know it you're passed out.

❀⊱┄┄┄┄⊰❀

You woke up in Chan’s bed, sweaty and missing a shoe. Your hair was a mess and your tears stained his pillowcase. Your vision wasn't fully there, but you could hear the faint voice of Chan and someone else across the room.

Jisung laid lazily on the floor, and Chan sat in his chair by his desk.

“I messed up, Chan. And I love her too much. I don't know what to do.”

“Look, Ji. I can't give you great advice. What you did was wrong. Telling me and the boys about private stuff was wrong, and you need to put yourself in her shoes.”

“I'm trying to, chan. Its just-”

❀⊱┄┄┄┄⊰❀

You wake up again, this time to a room full of quiet. Chan’s bed still smells like laundry detergent and pinewood cologne. The ache behind your eyes is sharp, but your body feels heavier now—like the weight of crying so hard yesterday is still clinging to your bones.

You roll over, face against the mattress for a minute before slowly sitting up. You blink against the weak sunlight streaming through the crack in the blinds, legs swinging over the side. Your shoe is missing. You find it under Chan’s bed and put it back on before tiptoeing out to the living room. It’s empty now. A note on the counter reads: “Went to the studio. Take your time. I stocked the fridge.”

It’s signed with a little smiley face and wolfchan next to it.

You breathe in slowly, then out.

Eventually, you gather your things, call a cab, and head back to your apartment. Everything feels muffled and slow—like you’re walking through fog. The moment you step into your place, it’s like the silence rushes to meet you. No shoes at the door next to yours. No jacket on the rack. No spare beanie he always left on your kitchen chair. It’s really over.

You shower. The water is too hot and your skin feels like it's on fire under the stream, but it’s the first time in a while you feel clean. Not in the physical way—but in the way that says, I can start again. You let it rinse over you until your fingers wrinkle.

After wrapping yourself in a towel, you sit on your bed and check your phone. That’s when you see it—a notification from your calendar app:

“3 Days Until Trip w/ Jisung 💕✈️”

You’d forgotten. You both planned this two months ago—something quiet, out of the country, somewhere he promised wouldn’t have fans or cameras. A place you could both be just people. Just in love.

You stare at the notification for a long moment before going to your contacts.

You:

Can we talk?

Just on the phone. Please.

He replies almost instantly.

Jisung:

Yeah. I’m free.

You call.

He picks up on the first ring.

“Hey.”

His voice is hoarse, careful. Like he’s holding it with both hands.

“Hey,” you say softly. There’s a pause. You swallow. “I got the reminder. About the trip.”

Another pause. You can hear a car passing in the background on his end. “Yeah... I didn’t cancel it. Just in case.”

“I don’t wanna miss it,” you admit quietly. “I think... even if everything’s messy right now, we shouldn’t throw this away too.”

He hums, something a little smug bleeding into his voice. “So what you’re saying is... you miss me.”

You sigh. “No, Jisung.”

“You miss me already and you’re using this trip as an excuse to see me again—”

“I’m not using anything as an excuse,” you retaliate, sitting up straighter. “I’m not even ready. The plane leaves in three days.”

“That’s plenty of time,” he says casually. “Book yourself a lash appointment. And nails. And eyebrows, and whatever else you want, I'll pay. I know you love looking good.”

“Jisung,” you warn. “Don’t do that.”

“I am doing that,” he says, and you hear the ping of a notification on your end. You check your phone.

It’s a text.

💳: XXXX-XXXX-XXXX-0325

Expiration: 03/26

CVC: 325

“Are you insane?” you ask, blinking. “You just sent me your card info?”

“Yup,” he says, proud. “Go get your shit done. I know you won’t do it unless I force you. Consider it my for now apology.”

“I don’t want your money.”

“I don’t care,” he says, voice softening now. “I want to see you. Not even to fix things right away—just to be somewhere without all the noise. Just us.”

There’s silence for a second. You don’t realize you’ve been holding your breath until your lungs start to ache.

Finally, you exhale. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright, baby,” he says, voice gentle but laced with the cockiness you pretend to hate. “Pack light. I’m gonna make you forget we ever fought.”

You roll your eyes. “Don’t push it.”

He laughs. “See you soon.”

When the call ends, you sit there for a moment. The weight’s still there—but lighter now. A flicker of warmth settles in your chest, and for the first time in hours, you let yourself smile. Just a little.

Maybe it isn’t fixed.

But it isn’t finished either.

❀⊱┄┄┄┄⊰❀

✈︎ Three Days Later ✈︎

The airport buzzes like a beehive—air thick with the scent of coffee, perfume, and exhaustion. You pull your suitcase behind you, looking just a little too good for someone who barely slept last night. You’re not sure if it’s the lashes, the braids that are tightly pulling at your scalp, the fresh brows, the glossed lips—or the faint hope curled in your stomach—but your confidence is back, even if your heart’s still cautious.

You spot him by the check-in kiosk, hoodie over his head, a duffle slung low on his shoulder. His mask is hanging loose around his chin, AirPods in and of course he’s on his phone.

Typical.

You roll your suitcase up to him and clear your throat. Loudly.

Jisung looks up and stops in his tracks, gaze roaming slowly, deliberately.

His mouth tugs into a smug smile. “Damn.”

You blink. “What?”

He raises a brow and gestures lazily with his fingers. “The Braids. The nails. The lashes. The fit—” he tugs the hem of your top teasingly—“You went all out.”

“Don’t act surprised.”

“Oh, I’m not surprised,” he says with a grin. “Just impressed. And proud. Mostly because I paid for all of it.”

You scoff, tugging your sleeve away.

“What? you look good,” he says, winking. “Let me at least look at what I bought.”

“Jisung, you sent me your credit card information and forced me to.”

“Yeah. And it worked, didn’t it?” He falls in step beside you as you both head toward security. “I knew you wouldn’t let yourself show up looking like a raccoon again.”

You punch his arm lightly, and he hisses. “Ow!”

“That was for the ‘again.’”

After security, you both find yourselves waiting at the gate. He insists on getting food, dragging you to a ramen bar tucked behind a convenience store. You try to keep the conversation surface-level—weather, music, bad airport design—but his knee keeps bumping yours under the table, and when he slurps his noodles too loudly, you side-eye him.

“Can you not eat like a wild animal?”

“This is my happy slurp,” he says, eyes twinkling. “It means I’m in a good mood.”

You shake your head, sipping your soup quietly. He pauses mid-bite, watching you. There’s something soft in his gaze—like he can’t quite believe you’re here, across from him again.

You feel it, too. But neither of you say it. This trip wasn't going to be awkward, you could tell by the way it was now—how he could laugh with you, compliment you, and how you didn't let your hurt show but instead replaced it with sarcasm and jokes that didn't feel fake.

___

Boarding.

You’re herded into the plane like cattle, except you’re the lucky kind—first class. Your seats are the lie-flat kind, with the fancy partitions and the silk-lined pillows. Except there’s a small catch.

Your “suite” is... connected. Intimately. A shared pod with a single double-sized bed across the middle, mood lighting glowing faintly along the edges.

You glance at the flight attendant. “Are we supposed to—?”

Jisung grins. “Yup.”

“This is for couples.”

“We were a couple when we booked it,” he says, setting his bag down casually. “We both paid half. That means we share.”

You huff and throw your purse into the corner of the bed. “I’ll sleep on the floor.”

“Oh my god,” he groans, already reclining. “You’re so dramatic. Just sleep. I don’t bite.”

You shoot him a look. “Yes, you do.”

He smirks and adjusts his pillow. “Only when you asked me to.”

You throw a packet of peanuts at his head.

❀⊱┄┄┄┄⊰❀

10+ hours later...

You land in Santorini. It’s sunset—gold light melting across the island, painting everything in creamsicle hues. The villa shuttle waits just outside the terminal, and the salty breeze carries promises you’re not ready to believe yet.

The hotel itself is breathtaking. Built into the cliffs, whitewashed stone walls glowing soft against the ocean beyond. But of course—

“There’s only one bed,” you say flatly, staring at the room’s massive centerpiece.

Jisung shrugs behind you. “For the second time today—We booked this before what happened. Of course it’s one bed.”

“I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“There is no couch,” he says. “Just that weird rattan chair and... a big window.”

You spin around. “Then I’ll sleep on the floor.”

“Nope,” he says, popping the ‘p.’ “We’re sharing. We’re adults. And we both paid half.”

“That’s your excuse for everything.”

“And it’s a damn good one.”

You narrow your eyes but say nothing.

He walks past you, dropping his bags by the closet. “Fine. Sleep where you want. But if you get cold and crawl in next to me at 3am, I will say ‘I told you so.’”

You hurl a pillow at his head. Again.

—

The Day’s Itinerary

1. The Villa Tour

A guide meets you both outside your room, walking you through the property. Olive trees line the paths. There’s a private pool. The kind of view Instagram would kill for. You pretend to be unimpressed, but Jisung is awe-struck—pointing at every archway, every bougainvillea bloom.

“Holy crap, is that a grapevine?” he exclaims, reaching up to touch it.

“Don’t touch the grapes,” the guide warns gently.

You stifle a laugh, “Yeah, idiot.”

“Do you wanna fight?” he grabs your waist, lifting you up off the ground and slinging you over his shoulder ( Han Jisung detwinkification *licks lips and rubs hands together*). You yelp, hitting his back and laughing.

The guide side-eyes you both the rest of the tour.

2. Couples Yoga

You hadn’t realized “couples yoga” meant actual synchronized poses. You try not to laugh as Jisung struggles to hold a downward dog while the instructor pushes his hips into place.

“My hips don’t bend like that, dude!” he whines, wobbling.

“They usually do,” you mutter under your breath, forgetting yourself for a second.

He freezes.

You freeze.

Then you both start laughing.

You fall sideways on your mat, tears forming from how hard you’re giggling. It’s stupid, awkward, and entirely necessary.

The instructor cuts the session short.

3. Brunch by the Sea

A glass patio overlooks the Aegean. The restaurant is decked in airy whites and creams, soft music humming in the background. You order lemon ricotta pancakes with fig jam. Jisung gets something stupid involving squid and eggs.

You steal a bite anyway. He lets you.

At one point, you both go quiet. He looks at you over his glass of orange juice.

“I’m glad we came.”

You nod slowly. “Me too.”

4. Gift Shopping in Town

You wander cobblestone streets lined with tiny shops. Jisung buys a matching pair of seashell bracelets without saying anything. Just slips one onto your wrist like he’s done a hundred times.

“I thought we weren’t doing cheesy couple stuff,” you say.

“It’s not couple stuff. It’s just... shells from a guy trying to get his girl back..”

“You’re the worst.”

He grins.

You buy him a handmade journal and a pen carved from olive wood.

He doesn’t say anything, but he tucks it carefully into his bag like it’s fragile.

5. Movie on the Beach

A makeshift screen flutters in the breeze, beanbags arranged in rows under the stars. You both huddle under a shared blanket, sipping from coconuts and ignoring the rom-com playing onscreen.

When the couple kisses, Jisung makes a joke under his breath. “They look like they’ve never kissed before.”

You raise an eyebrow. “And you’re a professional?”

“I have a PhD in kissing.”

You scoff. “You got that from TikTok.”

“I got it from you.”

Your face burns, but you don’t pull away when his pinky brushes yours under the blanket.

6. Private Beach at Night (yes, you booked it)

The water’s cold, but the moon is warm. Or maybe it’s the way Jisung’s hand keeps finding yours every few minutes, like he forgets he shouldn’t.

You both walk the shoreline in silence, toes in the sand, wind pulling gently at your clothes.

“I really messed up, didn’t I?” he says finally, voice low.

You look at him. “Yeah.”

He swallows. “I’m sorry. For the fans, the comments, the way I brushed it off. For making you feel like you weren’t enough.”

“I never said I wasn’t enough,” you reply, staring at the waves.

“No,” he nods, “but I made you feel like it. And that’s worse.”

You nod once.

He stops walking, turning toward you. “Can I kiss you?”

You hesitate.

Then, wordlessly, you lean in and let him.

It's slow. It's familiar. Quiet in the way all the best things are. When it ends, you don’t step back.

Neither does he.

❀⊱┄┄┄┄⊰❀

You both get ready for bed in silence. There’s a soft kind of nervousness in the air now—not from anger, or tension, but something more dangerous: vulnerability.

He’s shirtless, toweling off his hair, and you’re already sitting on the edge of the bed, facing the wall.

You sit there like that for a while. Not stalling, just... thinking.

The mattress dips slightly as he sits beside you, “You okay?”

You nod.

More silence.

Then, quietly: “Thanks for coming.”

You sigh. “Thanks for paying for my eyebrows.”

He laughs, breath warm against your face. “They look amazing, by the way.”

“Shut up.”

“Still in love with me, huh?”

You roll your eyes and lay down, but you don’t deny it.

Not yet.

Not tonight.

You slipped under the covers, and he copied. You got comfortable on opposite sides of the same bed, something foreign thatfelt like it shouldn't happen.

Next to you, Han shifted uncontrollably. He tossed his covers off, shifted some more, and ended up going to the bathroom. He was gone for only a minute, pulling the covers over himself again.

Ten minutes later, he shifted some more. You couldn't sleep—not because of him, but because no one was there to hold while you drifted off. You glanced at the clock, 11:27pm.

You both lay there, afraid to wake each other up. You shifted, he shifted. He groaned into his pillow like he was having the worst night of his life.

Han breaks the silence with his smug attitude and smirk on his face. “I know you're up,” he sighs quietly.

“Yeah, and?” you sit up, him following. You flick on the light next to your bed, and the glow of your skin is beautiful enough to kill him.

"Well, ya'know, after all the stuff we did today, I think I deserve at least another kiss,"

"Han, go to bed,” you lay back down.

He scoots himself closer to you, arm wrapping around over your hips. You can feel his half hard on under his grey sweats. Your breath catches in your throat, and he laughs to himself.

"Listen,I can't deny it, Han. I did feel like a couple again today, but I just can't be with you right now. Your fan base is too extreme."

His lips meet your neck, kissing softly while you hum in response. "C'mon, pretty girl. I'm not asking you for a day, a week, or more. I'm asking for tonight. Be mine again tonight? please?" his hips bucking into yours, and you sigh against him.

He pulls away, pulling back the covers that lay over you. His right hand rubs your hips, his left toying with the bottom of your tank top. He lifts himself to the bottom of the bed, hands spreading your legs. He climbs up your body to your eyes, looking at you for a form of consent.

“please..”

he leans in, his lips meeting yours as his hands roam your body. His right hand tugs your shorts down while his left grabs at your waist.

He pulls away, breath heavy as he lifts your legs in the air to discard your shorts. The cold air hits your soaked panties and you gasp. His face meets your clothes core and he groans, “So fucking wet for me. I missed this so much.” He kisses your panties softly.

You whine out softly, hips pushing yourself closer.

He kisses down your left thigh, moaning into it like he hasn't done it in years. "Your fucking thighs baby—so pretty, so brown. missed seeing them bare, spread open so good for me.”

He takes his time, kissing up and down your thigh like it gave him pleasure—and it did, more than you had expected. He moves to the right, groaning into your skin and doing the same he did to the left.

He particularly takes a liking to your right thigh, kissing and biting and sucking. He licks a small space from your inner thigh to the top. His eyes darken and he licks his lips, "Tastes like that coco shea butter lotion you always use, so fucking delicious. missed having you like this—so so much baby,” he licks once more before shifting his attention to your cunt in his face.

He slips your panties to the side, tongue coming out to lick your clit. You gasp out, and your hips move on their own for friction.

He doesn't stop you, he leans into it more, licking, sucking, and sticking his tongue into you. You clench around nothing as he sucks your clit, gasps and moans coming from you above him.

“You're so wet f’me. I love it."

He doesn't ever stop. He inserts a finger into you, then another. Your moans fill the large space as he fingers you, his tongue glued to your clit.

He pulls away briefly,"So grateful for you, letting me have you like this. Brown skin shaking for me. fuckin’ love this color, gets me so horny,” and he's back, finger now rubbing your clit as he fucks you with his tongue.

You squirm and buck against his hand, whimpering as your moans become more high pitched. This doesn't go unnoticed, and he makes sure to keep the pace even.

His fingers find their way into you,"You gonna cum on my fingers? show me how good I ruin you without even using my dick?” he kisses and sucks your clit as you hit your high.

Your back arches, your vision goes white,you silently scream his name. He kisses up your body to your lips, and he kisses you, giving you a taste of yourself. The feeling felt like deja vu ( TXT ) —your boyfriend, technically ex, was kissing your body after giving you the most amazing head.

“Can you take me, baby?” he asks politely, dick pressing into your thigh desperately.

“Yes, please,” you sit up on your elbows, kissing him. He groans in your mouth, hands grabbing at your face lovingly. You catch a glimpse of the digital clock on the nightstand again, 12:43am.

Han's slipping your panties down, tugging his shorts off and his boxers. You watch him anxiously, waiting and silently wishing he would hurry up.

When he finally does get himself lined up, and starts pushing in at an annoyingly slow pace, you whine into his shoulder.”Han, please” You drag his name on your lips.

"Give me a second, baby. So much tighter than I remember. so pretty and perfect,” he grunts. Once he's fully in,he pauses to let you adjust, hands and lips roaming your body. when he starts moving, he groans softly into your neck.

"I'm gonna show you how sorry I am. Show you how much I missed you, and how bad I fucked up.” He softly presses kisses all over your face. He pulls out enough just so the tip is right at your entrance, and slowly pushes back in.

"I love you, y/n. I love you so much and I was an idiot to make you feel anything but happy around me. Forgive me? please?” He kisses into the crook of your neck, raising his head as he pushes in agonizingly slow.

“I forgive you, Han. Just make me forget,” you press your lips to his. He hums in your mouth, lips never leaving yours, even as he spoke

“I wanna make love to you right now. I'm gonna marry you, let you have my last name and carry my baby,” his pace suddenly feels okay,and the slowness only makes the experience better.

“Fucking love you, please don't leave me—ever. Let me make it up to you every time like this," his thrusts sped up a bit, barely noticeable but the way you felt him deeper said it all.

he pulls out briefly, turning you on your stomach before pushing back inside. The angle is new—deeper, sexier, filther. All you do is moan louder.

"I love you like this, you look so good. Don't ever leave, okay?."

“never.”

he smiles, grunting low as his hand makes its way into your fresh braids. He tugs lightly, just how you like it. His definition of “making love” wasn't some sappy vanilla sex, filled with loving words. To him it was whatever made you happy and whatever made you cum. You don't really mind him pulling your fresh braids—you kind of enjoy it, and he knows you do.

"you love when I fuck you like this, pulling your hair so you can feel that sting." You nod your head as he slowly picks up speed.

He grabs your hair harder, causing a yelp as he pulls you up so your back is to his chest. His other hand lightly grabs your throat, turning your head so your lips meet his. you moan into his mouth, hand reaching back to tangle in his hair.

"I love these braids, baby, and I got to pay for them. It makes me feel good."

Each thrust bounces your body. Your moans get higher as you approach your climax, and you pulse around him.

You let go with his name on your lips, and your body collapses into the mattress, back arched and perfect for him. He doesn't stop, thrusts getting messier as he chases his high.

"close, baby."

"Inside, baby. please" you struggle out between breaths.

his breathing stops for a second, and the next he's spilling himself into your cunt, deep and utterly full. His breathing is erratic as he slowly recovers. You feel a finger against your back, his hands faintly move across the arch of your spine, smiling to himself.

You rolled onto your back, out of breath and tired.

“Sorry, love. Let me get a towel,” he skipped over to the bathroom with a huge smile. He cleans you up and you both drift off to sleep, bodies close and wrapped up in each other.

❀⊱┄┄┄┄⊰❀

You try to enjoy the rest of your trip, not talking about what happened that night or what it meant. Nothing else happened on the trip, but the tension definitely was still thick. You didn't think either one of you would bring it up—that is until the flight back to Seoul. you had the same private flight, the same bed.

Han speaks up first,”So the sex? What does that mean? we can't just pretend it didn't happen,” he says once he's sure no one will hear him.

“I don't know, ji. I just didn't feel seen in our relationship, and I don't know if I can deal with my personal insecurities.”

He takes your hand. His eyes met yours, full of the love he'd always had for you. “I want to change for you, I really do. I'll be better for you. I'll notice when something is wrong, when you're not in the mood, and I won't push it—any of it. And I won't push you away. trust me.”

You pull your hand back, and use it to cup his cheek. Your voice comes out steady, “I want to believe that—so so bad, so make me believe that. please.”

He leans into you, briefly connecting your lips. You guys cuddle the rest of the flight.

When you land, he buys you a coffee, carries your luggage and packs it into the Uber for you. Once at your apartment, he helps you get your luggage inside, and offers his company for a few hours— which was ruined by Chan needing him to practice. He leaves you with a hug, not too flirty—but the kind that makes you wonder if he's worth all of it. He still hadn't asked you to be his girlfriend again, and it gave you relief. You weren't rushing a relationship again, and took the pace that felt right.

Eventually you warm up, the guys start to tease about a "comeback" between you two happening. You both insist on taking things slow instead of rushing to fix what's broken. Jisung looks happier—less stressed,and he feels that way too, everyone can tell. You two didn't just start over, you accepted your past, accepted your flaws, and changed them. Because when you really want to be with someone, a bad habit can be gone twice as fast.

A/N: if you made it this far and you enjoyed please like comment and repost🙏🏾🙏🏾. love you guys

[spnfanficpond]

New Member Spotlight for June 2025

The Pond is always growing, and we want to make our new members feel welcome! Here’s a list of recent additions to our fishy family and a little info about them!

We've got a LOT of new members this month, so everyone is under the cut!

Guppies, Jellies, and Mutuals, oh my!

Jay - she/her, Atlantic Canada (GMT-4), @aka-faded

AO3 pseud? - aka-faded (screamingincolour)

Discord handle? - aka_faded

OTP? - Destiel

Other fandoms? - Not really active these days, but formerly in the 1D, Teen Wolf, & Marvel fandoms

Looking for in the Pond? - I've been out of the fandom/tumblr/fic world for a while and have been dipping my toes back in this year. Just looking to get some writing out there, as well as make some random friends.

Pairings you read? - Dean/Cas mostly, though I do like a good rare pair

Genres you read? - Angst with a Happy Ending, Secret Relationship, Retired

Favorite writer(s)? - fleeceframe and Northernsparrow are current faves

What do you like to write? - All kinds! I generally go for longer fics, angsty fics, but am also just kind of getting back into the swing of things so am kind of experimenting a little bit with range.

Masterlist!

Most underappreciated fic? - violent sweet music

Bea - she/her, Southeast USA, @brbrbeatrice

AO3 pseud? - Brbrbeatrice

Discord handle? - Beapopcowbot

Other SM names? - Instagram- brbrbeatrice

OTP? - I only like gen pairings. So Sam&dean platonic

Other fandoms? - Heartstopper

Looking for in the Pond? - I’ve never had any supernatural fic friends. I’d love to have a space to talk about it more and get recs and advice, and connect with people

Something to signal boost? - I sell a calendar with my art. It’s linked on my Instagram (brbrbeatrice), but it’s Heartstopper. But that’s the only thing I can think of!

Pairings you read? - My fav is gen

Genres you read? - I only like angst. And H/C 🫣

Favorite writer(s)? - Lennelle, mentholpixie, TheMarvelousTolkienJob, shangrilada, and others. Idk their socials. I just read their fics. Not even sure if any are very active still

What do you like to write? - Angst. If I write anything other than that, it’s usually for a gift. I’ve mostly been writing Heartstopper. But when I first started on AO3 a couple of years ago, I wrote some SPN fic that I want to return to. I’ve gotten better at writing since I started, tho, so I feel like I need to go back and fix my older stuff from 2022.

Masterlist!

Most underappreciated fic? - Heart & Soul

Something you haven't written but would like to try? Why not? How can we help? -I’m planning a Heartstopper/SPN crossover. But I’m feeling a little overwhelmed trying to plan it. I’m not a passionate outliner. 🤣

Elia - she/her, UK, @alwaysbeenyouandme

AO3 pseud? - Butinaparalleluniverse

Discord handle? - Historicalcheesecake

OTP? - Wincest

Other fandoms? - Law and Order: SVU

Pairings you read? - Wincest and J2

Genres you read? - Almost everything, with extra points if it comes with smut

Kmoraa - she/her, Central USA, @iwasneverinyour

AO3 pseud? - KmoraaWrites

Discord handle? - kmoraa (Kmoraa #8679)

OTP? - Destiel :D

Other fandoms? - There are so many fandoms, so I'll only list my favorites: Bat family and Superfam, Young Justice, One Piece, Demon Slayer, X-Men (Comics and Movies), Cosplay, and Art, but there are many more :)

Looking for in the Pond? - I just wanna find a community of writers that I can get support from, but I'm also interested it joining the sprint. 

Pairings you read? - I don't particularly like to read romantic or sexual relationships or similar pairings, so I would say any platonic/sibling/found family is what I enjoy most.

Genres you read? - Angst, Whump, Hurt, and Crack are my fav tags, I like the found family trope :D

Favorite writer(s)? - No but please let all the writers and artists know that they are loved and are doing great :DDD

What do you like to write? - I've actually written a lot of fics, but I've just never posted most of them. A lot of them include either OCs or AUs, because I like to experiment with different writing styles, characters, settings, and etc.

Masterlist!

Most underappreciated fic? - I've only got two fics posted so far, both of which are on my Works list lol

Something you haven't written but would like to try? Why not? How can we help? - Currently, I wouldn't say so, but I am always open to finding new things to write :)

Thatwriterlady - Eastern USA, @thatwriterlady

AO3 pseud? - thatwriterlady

Discord handle? - thatwriterlady 

OTP? - Destiel

Looking for in the Pond? - I'm looking for story ideas, people to talk to, maybe a new Beta

Pairings you read? - Destiel

Genres you read? - Fluff, romance, horror, smut, ABO,

What do you like to write? - I like writing fluff, parent Dean/Cas, ABO, romance, horror

Masterlist!

Most underappreciated fic? - Be True to Your Heart

Ray - she/her, @hellwillfollowoffical

AO3 pseud? - Through_The_Valley

Discord handle? - Raythevariant

Other SM names? - TikTok: hellwillfollow

Other fandoms? - The Last of Us!

Looking for in the Pond? - First time fic writer and looking to get established, meet fellow writers, and learn a little more about writing fics in general!

What do you like to write? - I love creating my own characters so fics with the main characters being an OC. I also like to explore the story deeply so long fics are also my thing. And anything canon divergence/AU because why not!

Masterlist!

Moony - he/him, Central USA, @thewanderingseeker

AO3 pseud - TheWretchedPoet

Discord handle? - gayeststrangerthingsfanatic

OTP? - Destiel

Other fandoms? - Stranger Things, Greek Mythology, & EPIC: The Musical

Looking for in the Pond? - Writing help & Getting peeps to read my fics

Pairings you read? - M/M

Genres you read? - Fluff, Slice of Life, and Smut

What do you like to write? - I’m all over the place… but mostly AUs

Masterlist!

Most underappreciated fic? - The Divine Tragedy

Something you haven't written but would like to try? Why not? How can we help? - A few rp plots I’ve written that would make great fics

Ashley - she/her, Texas, USA, @tumbleweedstillhaspanic

AO3 pseud? - DarnItTumbleweed

Discord handle? - grumpus89

Other fandoms? - Sons of Anarchy

Looking for in the Pond? - Finding a community of other fans

Pairings you read? - I tend to read just about anything.

Masterlist!

Most underappreciated fic? - All As it Should Be

Lindsey - she/her, Georgia, USA, @lindsey-in-w0nderland

AO3 pseud? - SlowBurnSiren

Other SM names? - Wattpad is also SlowBurnSiren, and FFdotnet is LindseyBrooke8997

OTP? - I don't have one!😭 I love so many fic types

Other fandoms? - SPN is def the one "big" fandom I'm in. Twilight and Harry Potter, obviously, but I love so many forms of media.

Looking for in the Pond? - Mostly looking for help with fic writing and SEEKING READERS. I am so desperate for feedback, I'm CRAVING IT.

Pairings you read? - Honestly, I love OC fics for smut, but I love a good slow-burn/high-stakes read.

Genres you read? - Lots of angst and suspense/high stakes, love smut and romance

What do you like to write? - Suspenseful high-stakes fics, always with a romance element. High character development, something to lose, etc. love a good smut read tho lol

Masterlist!

Something you haven't written but would like to try? Why not? How can we help? - I'd love to write horror at some point because I read a LOT of it but that is intimidating lol

That’s all for this month, folks! (If we’re missing anyone, let us know and we’ll add them to next month’s list!) Make sure to say hi to the newbies and make them feel welcome! Thanks to all from @mrswhozeewhatsis, @mariekoukie6661, @heavenssexiestangel, @spn-fanfic-reblog-writes, @walkingaline, @xpurdyglambertx, @leatafandom, and @manawhaat!

[felassan]

Some quotes from Mark Darrah's recent streamed video, “Anthem - Stream and Talk”. rest of post is under a cut due to length.

[source]

Chat: “you know in a world where EA weren’t cowards this game [Anthem] could have been something special” Mark Darrah: “EA has a lot of trouble with things it perceives as failures. But, that being said, it also has trouble with allowing studios to hire people and, definitely Dragon Age and Anthem were in, Dragon Age and Anthem Live were definitely in competition for the same people.”

Chat: “​​I was a combat designer on Anthem, I have... mixed feelings on it”

Chat: “Curious how much you were aware of the work that Christian Dailey and his team were doing for the [Anthem] rework while they were working, did you consult?" Mark: “Yeah, I wasn’t working with Christian on the Anthem Next stuff at all. They’d pretty much, were done, they’d pulled all the, everyone off, pretty much before I left BioWare in the first place.”

Chat: “As a project that you inherited, what were your personal hopes for Anthem at the start and after launch?” Mark: “I don’t know that I have a great answer for that question. To a large degree I was being brought in to launch the game, more than anything.”

Chat: “this project [Anthem] was directed by committee at one point, correct? no single person with the final signoff?” Mark: “Technically, technically there was a person in charge of the project, but effectively, yes, it was run by committee.”

Mark: “[BioWare] Austin did a lot of work after launch to bring the [Anthem] server cost down. I don’t know by how much, but by a lot, so they’re able to keep the servers up after all this time. I assume that some of the language coming out of EA about Dragon Age and if it had been a live service, yada yada yada, actually comes from the fact that this thing is still up after five years.”

Chat: “how long do you think EA will keep servers up for Anthem and ME3 multiplayer?” Mark: “I think Anthem and Mass Effect’s servers will stay up as long as they’re making money. Last I had access to data, Mass Effect was still making thousands of dollars a month. […] They’ll turn it off at some point if they feel like it’s costing them too much money to keep it up.”

Chat: ​​“A lot of the [Anthem] story got cut. I was part of the people hose at the end and most of the character stuff from the docs was just removed. Dunno why.”

Mark, on some of the challenges in making a live service game: “You have to remember that your community is gonna eat your content at effectively at infinite speed, so you have to have a lot more content than you expect, which was a big problem that this game [Anthem] had at launch, it just didn’t have enough.”

Chat: “Anthem clearly needed a lot more time in both development and post production to reach its full potential.” Mark: “The reality is is that the team didn’t really have a lot more left in it at the end of production. It definitely could’ve done with a decent beta, that would’ve helped a lot.”

Chat: “Was it ever considered to make ME3 multiplayer into a full fledged live service game? Since that mode is so beloved, could it work better than a new IP?” Mark: “Yeah, it never really was discussed to do a full-on multiplayer-only Mass Effect. I’m a bit surprised that conversation didn’t happen, given the conversations that happened with Dragon Age and with Anthem.”

Chat: “​​I've always wondered how much post-launch content was in the pipe for this game [Anthem].” Mark: “I mean, there was a plan, of sorts. I mean, if it had been successful, if it had been making money, it would still be getting active content now.”

Chat: “Was cross play ever seriously considered [for Anthem]? I feel it would have given it further longevity” Mark: “Yeah, we were supposed to be doing cross play. I don’t remember why it didn’t happen. Probably certification things.”

Chat: “do you think Anthem cannibalized the mass effect space since they're both sci-fi? Could Anthem have worked with the Mass Effect name as a spin off?” Mark: “So the thinking with Mass Effect versus Anthem, and you can believe this or not, I’m not sure I completely believe it, is, Mass Effect is science-fiction so it’s very focused on, y’know, very technology-focused, whereas Anthem is science-fantasy, so it’s much more, like, Star Wars versus Star Trek, was the idea. And they are different, for sure. While Anthem has a very clear look, a very clear […] style, it doesn’t make a ton of sense, like how does a world with no wheels work? Obviously there are wheels, because you see them inside of things. So I don’t think they cannibalized each other, simply because of the time between the games, but the thinking was that the two things were independent of each other and could co-exist. Whether that’s true or not, I guess we’ll never really know, because by the time the next Mass Effect comes out, this game will be eight, nine years old, so it won’t really be clear. But that’s the thinking.”

Note: Anthem released in February 2019.

Chat: “Do you think the BioWare remnants would create their own studio and make a dragon age spiritual successor? or even like a New Vegas situation and make a game using the IP under a sort of license?” Mark: “There isn’t really, the funding environment [in the games industry] isn’t in such a position right now for that kind of studio to really come into being, but, you never know. […] Yeah, like Mike [Laidlaw] was able to put something together, but you look, like, Mac [Walters]’ and Casey [Hudson]’s studio lost their funding, so. There are BioWare remnants out there having influence on games for sure.”

Chat: “wonder if anthem will ever get sold off” Mark: “EA doesn’t sell things off. EA is a company that works on fear of being blamed for things, so the person who sold Anthem off, and then [if] Anthem got turned into a billion dollar franchise, would be in trouble. […] Yeah, when you get a list of all the IPs that EA controls, it’s a looong list. Things that you’ve heard of and things you haven’t heard of, and it goes back a long way, and lots of those are just dead IPs at this point.”

Chat: “​​What are the chances Dragon Age gets remastered for modern consoles?” Mark: “I don’t know, I mean. Before Mass Effect Legendary Edition came out I would’ve said there was no way Dragon Age was ever getting a remaster, but that did pretty well. Dragon Age is harder than Mass Effect [to remaster], for sure, but, maybe.”

Chat: “Do you know how much money Anthem lost EA/ BioWare?” Mark: “Uh, honestly, I think Anthem actually probably is net positive, net profitable. That would be my guess. It probably paid for itself and then some, eventually. It’s been five years, servers are still up.” Chat: “Wow, that really surprises me. But breaking even really isn't good enough for EA, huh?” Mark: “No, EA is looking for a significant return on investment. But, I don’t know for sure, but I would be, I would think that Anthem is positive. [...] I mean one of the biggest problems, until very recently, one of the biggest problems that EA has had is that with FIFA Ultimate Team, FIFA makes, its ROI [return on investment] is insane. So almost everything else is [?] to that, and that’s, so it’s hard to convince yourself that you should do anything else. You know, they know they should want to do other things, but it’s hard to convince yourself that you actually should. Everything needs to be as good as FIFA, and nothing is as good as FIFA.”

Chat: “Do you think anyone will buy this IP [Anthem], try to reboot it?” Mark: “EA doesn’t sell IPs. Noone's gonna buy it ‘cause EA’s not gonna sell it.”

Mark: “I don’t think BioWare’s ever gonna revisit this [Anthem] franchise, no.”

Chat: “Was [Anthem] pushed out too early” Mark: “It was pushed out about as late as it could be. The team was pretty much done, like it should’ve, so the only way other than like some massive changes, the only way you get a massively better outcome with this game is by having it launch with a beta, basically when it launched, and then have it sit in beta for a year, but EA didn’t think that way at the time so there wasn’t really any way that could have happened.”

Chat: “How do you think the new down-scaled version of BioWare will affect their future projects and developments? What should we expect as far as products go?” Mark: “I think that BioWare going forward, they’re gonna do Mass Effect, I think there’s a non-zero chance that BioWare is now ‘The Mass Effect Studio’. If they do Mass Effect 5 and it’s successful, there’s no-one really there that’s gonna push to make another Dragon Age, I don’t think, it’s mostly Mass Effect, old-school Mass Effect leadership. So, it might just be, Mass Effect forever. There are some, within EA, there are some advantages to that. I think one of the problems that happened with Anthem is, because there were other BioWare places for people to go, EA’s general dislike of failure pushed them to push BioWare to pull people off and put them onto Dragon Age. Also Dragon Age wanted them, so there was a pull as well. Whereas if you look at something like DICE, when Battlefield 4 launched, it was a bit of a disaster at launch, but there wasn’t anywhere for people to go, you would’ve had to take them out of DICE completely. And so they got to work on it and fix it and clean it up and keep going. So, there’s something to be said for there being only one option, so I think that BioWare for the foreseeable future will be one project at a time. Now, EA these days is much more willing to move people within the organization as a whole. Like there are BioWare people working on Skate, there are BioWare people working on Battlefield, there are BioWare people working on Iron Man, and some of them have transferred permanently, but I think there are still loaners. And so that might change that calculus, but in the past, there were certainly advantages to just being one thing. [...] I think that, to your question about, can they do BioWare games? I think they can do BioWare games. We’ll see what happens. The reality is is that Mass Effect [5] is really early now and so it’s gotta figure out what the game is and then it’s gonna have to ask for more people. So the question is going to be, EA’s starved some studios to death. EA doesn’t, weirdly EA seems reluctant to just shut studios down but it seems willing to starve projects to death. So when Mass Effect [5] goes looking to become 150, 200 people, what’s gonna happen? Are they gonna get those people? Are they gonna get loans? Are they gonna get no-one? That’s gonna really decide what BioWare’s gonna be in the future.”

Chat: “Are there still enough people left physically in Edmonton to staff up if ME5 enters full production? EA ended WFH and it's hard to convince people to move to Edmonton.” Mark: “There aren’t enough people left in, the number of people left in BioWare Edmonton right now are not enough to make Mass Effect 5. They will either have to hire people in Edmonton or bring people on at other EA locations. [...] I think COVID made EA more comfortable with people remote working even though they don’t like it, and so as a result they are much more willing to loan people around than they were five, six years ago.”

Chat: “What’s your favorite part about RPG video game development?” Mark: “I think it’s the moment when it starts to come together. BioWare’s processes often involve a lot of parts that kind’ve don’t look like anything, and then they start to click together, and that’s, you get those really rapid processes there. You know, the team is at its fastest, basically the day before you launch, which is one of the reasons why I really like DLCs, is because you can kind’ve coast off that momentum for a bit and build a bunch of stuff really fast because the team is used to the tools and is used to going fast and is used to doing stuff.”

Chat: “what was the impact of not being able to hire people with experience on Frostbite except for ex EA people or taking people from other Frostbite-based projects?” Mark: “Yeah, for sure. I mean, working with Frostbite as opposed to Unreal does limit your available talent pool, absolutely, there’s no question about that. I mean, you can’t hire people that know how to use the engine, so that’s definitely gonna have a huge impact. It’s not as bad, the reality is is, if you respect Frostbite, it isn’t the end of the world. I think Dragon Age: Inquisition respected Frostbite, and Mass Effect: Andromeda and Anthem didn’t, and I think that it shows in the resulting projects to a large degree.”

Chat: “​​I don’t suppose EA will ever reboot Anthem?” Mark: “I don’t expect, I wouldn’t expect EA to reboot Anthem. If someone wanted to make something with it, I don’t know that they would necessarily get in the way if they had a good pitch, but it’s, I don’t think they’re just gonna, they’re not gonna push for it, it would take a team that wanted to do it badly enough to fight for it for it to happen.”

[source]

[27dragons]

How do you write like you're running out of time? 😭🎶 teach me your ways 😭

HA! You think you're just throwing a compliment my way, but I'm going to answer this seriously.

What works for me may not work for you. Sorry about that. But here's what works for me:

Have an obsession.

Have a writing partner (or several). Either someone who actually writes with you or who consistently reads and encourages your writing.

Write for a long, long time.

Understand that it comes and goes in waves, and sometimes there are reasons for it and sometimes there are not.

Since 2018, I've kept a spreadsheet to track my wordcount. Take a look at the difference between this year (so far) and last year:

Note that my best weeks from 2024 don't match even my worst writing weeks of 2025. The spike of functionality at the end of 2024 was me preparing to do my Countdown to New Years; otherwise, I wrote one single story, and it took months, writing a couple hundred words a week. Then I watched Arcane over my '24 Christmas vacation and got obsessed (thank you, @monobuu, for that!) and started reading all the fanfic I could get my hands on, and then around mid-January this year I started writing and... kind of never stopped. But you can see that I'm currently on a downswing -- those several huge spikes were weeks that I was absolutely obsessed with getting Match Your Breath to Mine finished and literally writing in every spare moment I could steal; now I'm writing much more slowly across several projects while I catch my breath from that. (And also while I deal with a mild case of carpal tunnel syndrome.) ✨ Obsession! ✨

Writing partners are essential, too: Buu has helped me write some stories, and also I got @zillac to start beta reading for me and they've been an amazing writing partner; we haven't written anything together but we spend a lot of time bouncing ideas off each other and they've helped me work out so many rough patches.

And yeah. Write a lot. I wrote my first fanfic in 2014. And I wrote a lot of non-fanfic stuff before that, too.

(Do notice the actual numbers and not just the height of the spikes; the scale varies from year to year.) That huge dropoff toward the end of 2020 was when my best friend and co-author had a stroke. She was the one who kept me writing most of the time back when our mutual obsession was the MCU, so as soon as she wasn't able to keep pushing me, my output dropped fast. She died at the end of 2021 (and then my mom passed in early 2022) and grief (on top of pre-existing clinical depression) killed my writing even more for several years, aside from a few month in 2023 when I had an obsession with Sandman.

But even from 2018-2020, which were good years, you can see ebb and flow. I'm better at accepting that now -- a few years ago, seeing my current downswing would've put me into a panic tailspin of "oh god I'm losing my ability to write" but now it's just like... eh. It'll come back.

I'm still going strong on Arcane; part of that is that I got my depression meds adjusted, which gave me more energy to indulge my obsession. And a big chunk of it is knowing that people are reading what I'm writing and enjoying it.

This whole post is kind of disorganized and scattershot, but I hope it helps, somehow? Or at least informs.

(Also, I'm old. I'm past 50. I am, in fact, running out of time 🎶🤣)

[willowlight-shadows]

[crazypenguinwriter]

Character Creation

I wanna give my two cents on something.

So like, I've started to come across a lot of posts on Pinterest about creating entire lists on your characters from their name to their favorite plants and the way they count on their hands. And while there's nothing wrong with making lists for your characters, you don't need to know the favorite snack of every character you create. If you ask me, the most important things you need to know about your character are quite simple:

Their full name (including second, third, however many names they have)

Their age (you can do this approximately, if you don't know an exact number)

Their basic appearance (color of hair, eyes, are they tall/short/broad/slim). Do note the word 'basic', no details are necessary (though if a character has a trinket of some kind they always wear for whatever reason, this is included in the list)

Their personality, or what defines them. This helps you give them a correct voice (hotheads react and act differently than those with a level head) and can help you figure out how they'd interact with other characters. Now do note that this shouldn't be an entire essay or even a long list, as you should be able to see what's up with a quick glance.

Background. This includes family, friends, how they grew up... This one will be the longest, but shouldn't be too detailed either. Just enough to help you see where the character came from and what defines them, what goals they might have and what morals they gained overtime. These can tie back into their personality (and usually do, if I'm honest. We're a complex being filled with mannerisms that come from our history and culture we grew up in, so of course your character's personality is linked with their background)

Other things. Now this one is very, very vague, but here is where I usually put things that define my character but don't fit any of the previously mentioned things. Their favorite plant, if it's relevant to the story in some way (or you just got inspiration and wanted to put it in).

Do keep in mind that this is how I do character creation, and what works for me. If you're more inclined to fill in the essays and long lists of questions for each and every character go ahead, don't let me stop you. I just think that it's quite time-consuming, and I'd rather spend that time either writing the story or being busy with the world-building. Besides, characters change all the time, as we all do. Hotheads can learn to be calmer, level headed characters can learn to let lose and explode, naïve characters grow up and learn to be skeptical... The possibilities are endless, which is why I do my character creation this way. I also usually start with the most important characters (the protagonists, the antagonists) and add others when the plot demands me to. And I spend a long time plotting, so some characters get scrapped or rewritten so many times I've lost count, and I'm not going to spend every time that happens on the '50 questions I need to know about your characters' when I can be writing and rewriting the plot for the umpteenth time.

Anyways, that's my two cents on the topic. Have fun creating!