#it's because I love liars I love fake people and I especially love idiots who make things worse for themselves

[obstinaterixatrix]

I think another part of it is the author taking what they know about communication and about the characters, and not necessarily separating what they know from what the characters know. it's like... you know how for stage fighting, you have to get someone really good to play someone really bad at it because someone who's *actually* bad might severely injure the other person? there's being bad at communication, being good at communication, and then being good enough to understand the different ways to use being bad at communication to construct conflict in the context of a narrative. obviously character analysis also plays a part in it, but folks in general don't always have the instinct to explore 'how to say things worse' (especially if they have a baseline of being able to identify their own feelings pretty easily) (which is a WILD concept)

That post that's like "stop writing characters who talk like they're trying to get a good grade in therapy" really blew the door wide open for me about how common it's become for a character's emotional intelligence to not be taken into consideration when writing conflict. I remember the first time I went to therapy I had such a hard time even identifying what I was feeling, let alone had the language to explain it to someone else. Of course there are plenty of people who've never been to therapy a day in their life who are in tune to their emotions. But even they would have some trouble expressing themselves sometimes. You have to take into account there are plenty of people who are uncomfortable expressing themselves and people who think they're not allowed to feel certain ways. It also makes for more interesting conflict to have characters with different levels of understanding.

[archivalofsins]

hey, do you remember if mikoto/john ever made any comment about the viewer's opinions? fuuta outright tells the voices to shut up, amane acknowledges them when fuuta asks her about it, and mahiru mostly just feels like her thoughts and love are being rejected. i dont think mikoto/john ever even acknowledge the viewers thoughts about their situation outside the double mv and vd, and even then that could be about what es thinks about them and not the omniscient viewers.

They do!

It's one of the things specifically highlighted by Milgram and Yamanaka within his tweet about Mikoto's voice drama. Through the fact that they recognize and view what Es has deduced through Milgram as valid.

To keep it short. Mikoto references the audience opinions in these instances.

This has been editted to get rid of spellings errors and add more context. Editted on 02/28/24. (There were so many spelling errors to correct don't know if I got them all. I added so much more quotes from the timeline and interrogations and tried to adjust for tone.)

"Eheheh... But...it's not coming to an end. All of this. With things I've never even heard before, the whole ti- The whole time... Haah... I have to see through all of these irritating experiences...!" (Doesn't directly reference Es just that things now feel like they never end. Along with things he's never even heard before.)

"As for alters... Why do you think they're born?" (Specifically asking Es how they think this works instead of divulging any information he's heard from the audience that would in fact be beneficial to Es who after being asked immediately shows they don't know a damn thing about it. Staying consistent with what happened in Amane's voice drama prior.)

"Right. You're decision to not forgive me is especially stress inducing." (Recognition of the punishment attached to the guilty verdict working properly for Mikoto and that's adding to his stress. So, yeah he's hearing the voices.)

"You know that because of Milgram! I don't care about the law, I want to know what you think!"

His birthday interaction from last year. (Him asking if there's really another him implies, he has heard the audience bring it up.)

His birthday interaction with Futa after his verdict.

21/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday) Mikoto: ……ah, Futa? What’s up? Did you come to celebrate my birthday? Futa: Hah!? Like I care about your birthday. ……what’s up with you, though, you’re usually a lot more excited. I thought you were the sort of idiot who’d make a big deal over your birthday. Mikoto: Yeah, usually that’d be the case. ……I think I must be getting tired. It’s like I’m anxious over something but I can’t really explain what it is…… Like, the feeling that I’ve been totally wrong about something. Haha, but it’s not like talking to you about it is gonna do anything. Futa: Yeah, yeah, just like you say. Talking to me about it isn’t gonna help. ……but, it’s not like I don’t get what you’re saying. Or rather, I understand exactly what you mean. And if it’s the same thing as I’ve been feeling, then it will just get stronger as time goes on…… probably. But anyway, rather than talking to someone like me you should go and bother the others. Go and get showered with their stupid birthday wishes.

Also, the fact that Mikoto's entire defense for his actions pivoted from I don't remember, and Milgram probably got the wrong guy by mistake to the other one did it. Which not much different from the excuse he gave before but was an excuse widely jumped on and presented by the audience after he was called out for faking for a good period of time and being bad rep. Well, to say the least- It puts a different meaning behind this line,

"“He’s a liar”, you said, and made me out to be a scoundrel, why?"

Since it encapsulates what his first trial was like in a nutshell. Where people either called him out for faking/lying or blamed the alter for all the violent acts making him out to be the scoundrel. People even posited that what we see in MeMe is fake because it's far more graphic than the others and cuts and that this could be due to him having DID and lookie here.

In fact Mikoto's mental footage was so violent... "It's unforgivable." That was my judgment. "That too could be just a fake or attributed to multiple personalities, right?!"

Overall Mikoto, like many of the prisoners, does not state what the audience has told him. However, he heavily implies through his actions he's been told something. What that something is we don't know and given his first verdict percentage he would not be as inclined to tell us as the others would. Hell, even then a lot of others don't tell is. We were never shown what innocent does to a person outside of this from Mu.

21/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday) Mu: Yuno. Don’t you have something to say to me? Yuno: Huh? To you? Me? ……ahh, uh? Your birthday, right? Happy birthday~ Mu: How mean…Since it’s my birthday, I really wish you’d said something before I had to come and tell you myself. Yuno: Right, right, I’m sorry. I’ll be more careful in future~ Later! Haha… things have become even more of a bother… ……so was that Mu-chan’s real personality, then? It’s probably because the guard did something, right?

But yeah, since you were just asking if he referenced the audience outside of his voice drama and music video there's no need to read the rest here. What comes after this basically goes over how I tend to tell when the prisoners are subtly referring to the audience and other things but it's very long.

Now onto the interesting stuff. Because I wrote this before rereading the question and seeing you were asking about things outside of the voice drama and song. So, I'm leaving it.

Mikoto discusses the audience in the way similar to how Mahiru does. Never referring to the audience or the voices as an individual entity or directly instead either referring to that as Milgram collectively or referring to it as an extension of Es' actions and decisions.

Even in Double and I Love You neither of them refer to a big group of people but go "You".

"What you trampled is my, “This is how to be in love with you”."/ "“He’s a liar”, you said, and made me out to be a scoundrel, why?"

Unlike the rest of the prisoners who refer to multiple parties, Mikoto and Mahiru couldn't give a damn less about who is causing them problems and considers the audience, Es, and Milgram all the same entity. Never really separating the three. Because they don't care to.

Other prisoners that do this are Haruka, Shidou, and Kotoko if I'm remembering correctly.

"I will definitely make you love me again."-"Hug me again as you once did."

"You don’t even know yet, and yet."- "What do you mean INNOCENT, if this is my punishment... Now I see, this world is cruel and merciless. The vote that negates the option of death, the love that won’t perish."- "No thank you, it’s none of your concern."- "Shall I fulfill your request and elect to live."

"That's why I became your fangs."- "Tell me why you tell me, “Stop'. Don’t you dare stop now."

Kotoko and Shidou do something interesting in their second trial songs having parts where they both directly refer to Es and the audience separately within their songs. Referring to Es at the beginning and then the audience in the second half.

"I want to be INNOCENT, I want to live. So this is unpleasant, hurling slurs of “hostage game”, you do know that it’s up to me? That’s right, there are lives that need safeguarding. So hey, prolong my life, I’m indispensable. The correct answer, I don’t yet know, but there are lives that need safeguarding. So hey, prolong my life, I’m indispensable."

Shidou Trial 2 Voice Drama

"But... as long as Milgram continues in this direction. We won't be able to save those who get injured if I'm not forgiven." ...! "Even now, Shiina-kun is in a condition where any digression could be fatal. She can't live without my treatment. If I'm not forgiven she will end up dying."

Just want to highlight how Shidou uses the same tactic as Mu but somehow what he does ends up succeeding and what she did doesn't. A lot of people may think that's because none of them asked to be put in that situation and Kotoko was the one who attacked. Yet, my honest response to that would be what the fuck is actually stopping Shidou from helping if he was guilty?

Like prisoners who were Guilty once can still move around and interact with others and the things around them. Unless one is assuming that the punishment for being guilty trial two is worse than one. Something I don't believe would make sense and would not be fair considering this would just simply for many of the prisoners be their first time being guilty. Although, this is Milgram so maybe who knows.

Even in a situation where the trial two punishment for being guilty is harsher than trial ones; what the fuck is stopping him from teaching or instructing someone else within the prison on how to help if he were restrained? He even said Amane could be assisting him and Yuno has been. He's very replaceable, actually. So, it's wild this worked.

As we will get into it is wild any of them are getting away with what they are.

He also doesn't say this as if it will change later. Instead he literally states that Mahiru now just can't live without his help which given injuries should not be true. Yet considering that she hasn't been getting better over the course of trial two honestly yeah, I guess he's right.

That's... true I suppose. "From now on conflict between the prisoners will probably become more frequent."

Dude why the fuck does he say this??? Like no I'm being serious why does he fucking say this? Especially considering last we heard from Haruka in his second trial voice drama Shidou and Kazui were meant to have been negotiating a ceasefire? This sounds like something an individual about to start a conflict would say. A person about to throw down if you will.

Like what the fuck does he know in regards to this? The most good faith interpretation is the ceasefire negotiations have failed. Yet, it's still a weird thing to just add. Especially since he says conflicts between the prisoners. Implying that people other than Kotoko may end up instigating fights.

Even though most of the other prisoners are simply attempting to mind their business and he's the only one who directly states hostility towards Kotoko in various ways.

Others that state having animosity towards someone are

Yuno,

Q.11 Which of the other prisoners do you get along with least? Yuno: I wonder. The ones that are painful just to watch are Haruka and Mu-chan.

Futa,

Q.12 Are there any prisoners you don’t get on with? Futa: Can you not tell by looking at my face? Obviously Kotoko.

Mu,

Q.12 Are there any prisoners you don’t get on with? Mu: Yuno has been really cold lately so maybe her a bit.

Shidou,

Q.06 Do you forgive Kotoko? Shidou: No. I can’t forgive someone for trying to achieve thing with violence.

"To extract that fang, now."/“That’s why I became your fangs.”

Oh, and he has some feelings on Mikoto as well.

Q.07 Are there any prisoners you get along with? Shidou: Kayano-kun has become like that, and I can’t spend my time smoking at the moment, so the smoking trio has disbanded, which is a bit lonely.

What those feelings are beyond me. However, he speaks of his current disposition as though it's a problem. So, I'm putting it.

Kazui,

Q.06 Are there any prisoners you don’t get along with? Kazui: To be honest, probably also Kashiki-chan. It feels like she sees through all the things I don’t want anyone to notice.

Amane,

Q.06 Are there any prisoners you don’t get along with? Amane: Kirisaki Shidou.

and Mikoto,

Q.12 What do you think about Kotoko? Mikoto: I don't like her.

It makes sense that we the audience would know whom everyone is hostile towards. Especially since we just blatantly asked in some written interrogations. However, it's not as though many of them have been presenting their hostility towards each other openly.

Outside of Amane and Kotoko everyone else attempts to be cordial with each other or just outright avoid people they dislike. So, it's still weird he would know this unless he's really good at reading the mood and paying attention to others.

Something he has not shown himself to be. Though, maybe he really is. Still considering he has two individuals he'd could possibly have an issues with this really sounds like some shit somebody who wants start trouble says.

"If I'm not there... They will be in even more danger!"

Bitch you will be there- Guilty or not. You're not getting out of this panopticon any earlier unless you see yourself out buddy. Where do you think you go if you're guilty? The sunken place? You gonna mentally tap out because of the guilt and constant bombardment of being told you're wrong by the audience?

Other people who have been Guilty before you with no warning of what that mental or evironmentally entailed were still able to help and speak to others while suffering under the affects of said verdict. The child did it grow a backbone man! You're an adult and apparently you hold a lot of stake in the fact that you are... So, at least make it make sense why you do with your actions.

In case Shidou has forgotten we have a third trial. So, he's just being a fucking manchild here. Does he think we're gonna kill him immediately after he's voted guilty in this second trial out of three? Does he think as soon as the guilty verdict hits Kotoko is going to attack him? That's the most reasonable and good faith interpretation of this statement.

Like she did attack guilty people that's a fair concern to have. Yet, he's currenty being guarded. Because now that an attack has happened once the others are more on guard.

As Yuno implied would be the case,

Q.09 What do you think about Kotoko’s attacks? Yuno: Is she an idiot? Nothing’s going to change in the world if you just act out violently where everyone can see.

If a person just acts out violently where everyone can see most people will reasonnable recognize that person is apart of the problem too. They won't usually assume they're the solution to anything. Plus again the fact that other people were guilty before him and he knows what that could reasonably entail he should be preparing for that possibility. It's clear that he wants to avoid it by any means and is doing his best to do that.

Which I can't fault the man for that's only natural. But-The fuck is Shidou's second voice drama fearmongering 101?! Why the fuck is he acting like this towards the end?

I bet you're thinking Gunsli is this your first time listening to Shidou's voice drama and honestly yeah it is.

This man is in here like what will they do without me. Despite the fact that a majority of viewers have pretty much agreed the child can take him out/is a serious threat to his safety. At the point the previous statement is widely considered a genuine concern true if anyone wants him dead outside of himself in this facility he is going to die. Because we know that from the beginning Shidou has wanted this all to end and to get the death penalty.

That he's been smoking to be unhealthy,

20/08/04 Mikoto: By the way, why did you two start smoking? For me it was just a means for communication with people at work. Kazui: Hm? I don’t really remember……It’s maybe changed nowadays, but in the past it was just natural for everyone to smoke. What about you, Shidou-kun? Do you remember? Shidou: ……I wonder. I suppose…… I just wanted to do something that was bad for me. Mikoto: Ahh, I kinda get that. It’s like eating instant ramen in the middle of the night.

So, he came into Milgram already trying to get out of life in general. So, he can't threaten himself like Haruka can. He's still gunning for that death sentence even now.

"The scale tilts to and fro, I yearn to be found “GUILTY”."

The only thing he can do is what he's always done used the lives of those around him to excuse his actions and validate his own existence.

"But it tilts towards, find me “INNOCENT”. If the voices crying out in pain, can be saved by me- Allow it to be my charge and mission."

Like I don't know why he came in here acting like this verdict gonna make him someone he ain't and never was. Like man you couldn't even take care of your own- You want us to leave you in charge and responsible of even more people. People who have no reason to have to listen to or take him seriously. People who don't even like him.

Meanwhile Shidou's kids in Triage out here looking like they need Yusuke Urameshi not Shidou Kirisaki. What will they do without me? Man I don't know probably have a better grasp of road safety. You know just spitballing some guesses here.

He came in here really pretending to be the guy and for who? Himself because he's fucking weak and emotinally immature. He can't handle the mental stress of a guilty verdict, he couldn't even handle his own social relationships when his wife was alive,

Q.19 What was your partner like? Shidou: A strong person. I tend to be a bit careless in my personal life, so I was always relying on her.

or taking care their kids after she either died or got ill.

Like listening to the end of his second trial interrogation is legit hearing him hype up his own importance. As though he's going to be a meidcal doctor on the frontlines of a war and voting him guilty is equivalent to immediately killing him in front of a bunch of injured civilians. Halting people from getting aid. When that's not what's occuring here at all!

He's still going to be in Milgram and he will still have another trial. Like maybe he thinks that's what's occuring because of Kotoko but that's even weirder. Because there are more people against Kotoko's actions in the prison than for them.

One of which is fucking Kazui who is already guarding him.

Shidou... "I need to be punished... But I also need to stay alive or young lives will be lost."

Oh, Shidou you're such a martyr.... Pushing to the side your selfish desire to die because you're sick of living with yourself, your own failures, and the fact that the things you worked towards weren't the benefit you thought they would be and instead a massive failure-

Q.15 Do you think you’ve made a contribution to society? Shidou: I used to think my work was a contribution to society.

All because you've found something that validates your existence again. Something that,

"Tells me, the reason it’s ok to be here."

Again I need to highlight we're not fucking killing him with this verdict. Telling someone what they did was wrong is nowhere close to comparable to murder. Also, Kotoko can attack prisoners whether they're innocent or not. Jackalope's brought up that the prisoners are allowed to attack each other during the intermission all of them regardless of verdict.

Unless they're physically restrained and thuse made unable to they can still do it. Plus some of them are shown in full restraints within Undercover still ready to attack somebody if needed. It's not like she is completely bound to acting in accordance with Milgram's rules as has been highlighted before.

22/08/05 (Kazui’s Birthday) Kotoko: ……Mukuhara Kazui. Thanks to you, I wasn’t able to properly serve justice to those who did something unforgivable. I’m currently acting as an agent for our prison guard Es. Don’t get in my way next time. Kazui: Oi oi, don’t be silly, Yuzuriha-chan. There’s no way I could just look away from your outrageous display of violence. Anyway, even disregarding the fact violence against those voted guilty isn’t a part of Milgram’s system, what you’re doing is just acting recklessly based on a broad interpretation. As long as I’m free myself, I’ll stop you. Kotoko: ……what a pointless argument. Hmph. Since Es forgives you, I have no choice but to forgive you myself too. If you to keep to your words, then you’d best do what you can to keep being forgiven. If you’re not, then next time you’ll be one of my targets. Kazui: Oh, how scary. That girl truly is frightening. ……well then, I wonder what the guard will decide to do with me. That’s the one thing I really can’t make out. Honestly……

Yet, throughout his second trial voice drama he keeps subtly pushing this idea that not only will Mahiru die if we vote him guilty but he will too. That not even really touching on the fact the one to bring up a death sentence or execution as a result of the trials to begin with was Shidou.

He brought it to this point and is now lamenting about it being there like oh what should I do.

"I... I don't know what to wish for anymore. I'm starting to think that I want to live. That I want to be forgiven... Despite being so riddled with sins...! ..." Shidou... Do you remember what i told you? "..." Back when you were still fine with dying at any moment, I told you to deperately want to live. "Punishments for sins exist in the first place because we have an attachment to life. your existence in itself is a sacriliege to Milgram and myself", I said. "Yes... I remember." And now, finally, you've gotten attached to life and finally become a real prisoners of Milgram. That's what I believe. You wanting to be forgiven and your wish... Those are the steps that now represent you. "...That won't do... I musn't be forgiven. Otherwise... the countless lives I've taken will never be paid back." Heh. If you're really trying to give up your life as compensation for the people you've killed, then there's no reason to stay alive that will hold up anyway. "..." Don't face them with a life that you're so willing to throw away.

Es greatly sums up the main issue with Shidou's logic.

He is ready and willing to die.

Yet, all the people he killed weren't. Usually people seek medical attention for help, because they want to live. Because they're in pain and they don't want it to get worse. Thesse are people who are trying to survive and seeking out what they believe is the most appropriate help for either themselves, a family member, hell even a stranger on the street if someone calls an ambulance.

It's incredibly tragic when help doesn't get there soon enough but it's down right dispicable when the help is there and decides no you'll die today because I feel like it. You understand what it's like to have to take in order to give and I need to take from you to give something to myself. We're all suffering and you know some people like myself deserve to suffer less than others so this is just how it has to be.

Since that's the case-

"You're in my way...hurry up and die."

I see no difference between this and this.

"Please, go ahead and die already."

Excpet one of the people making this sort of statement puts a lot of stock in being a mature adult and never acting childishly. While the other is at least emotionally honest about their mistakes.

Why did I bring all of this up? To highlight a key difference between Shidou's voice drama and his song. Es never rebuts Shidou for saying he's the only one that can help or calls what he's doing a hostage game.

Making it more than likely Shidou is referring to the audience and the voices he heard discussing his case or something from his real life given the quotes around the phrase. This is more than likely something Shidou has said in reality or had said to him. I lean more towards the first interpretation when it comes to viewing these put in quotations lyrics as direct snippets of quotes from statements the prisoners have said but I'm not that committed either way.

The point is it highlights that he's not just referring to Es here,

"I want to be INNOCENT, I want to live. So this is unpleasant, hurling slurs of “hostage game”, you do know that it’s up to me? That’s right, there are lives that need safeguarding. So hey, prolong my life, I’m indispensable. The correct answer, I don’t yet know, but there are lives that need safeguarding. So hey, prolong my life, I’m indispensable."

He's instead speaking past Es and directly pleading to the audience or voters.

Which is the same thing Kotoko does here-

"So, make yourselves my reason. Just choose the only choice, GUILTY. Say that sympathy is useless. Hate evil as the evil that it is. Don’t you dare stop now. I want a reason for judgment execution, I want it. Give me the next target “UNDER”."

Notably not stating that she became our fang before that but leading into that again. These lyrics (along with the prisoner 011 line in Kotoko's case) recontextualizes the entire song as a direct plea to the audience with allusions of concern towards Es. Mostly merging the two and going if you're on good terms with me I'll be on good terms with all you and your proxy if not things could get messy.

This showcases that they all see no difference between the audience, Es, and Milgram like stated before.

The ones who are more direct while referring to the audience are Yuno, Futa, Mu, Kazui, and Amane. Instead referring to multiple parties through their songs or one.

"I’m the one who chose, let you and you and you all in."

Yuno mentions two others before stating she let "you all" referring to the audience in.

"Don’t get cocky, you in that cypher."- "Tolerate, impress those spectators."- "This prison hosts ears and lethal eyes, I’m sick of it. You and you, throwing around rules for fun, hoisting up morality and feeling good. Should I succumb, make your wish come true? Full of yourselves, are you?"

Futa seperates the prison host from the audience the spectators. In a way showing off that he views Es as an entity hosting an event and the ones spectating as the actual entity he needs to impress or sway to his side. He's basically going if the audience likes me I'll be fine.

"So, it’s wrong? Oh shove that! INNOCENT, isn’t that right?"

It's a personal dislike of mine. People who act based on their sexual urges like that, that is. "It's personal?" Yeah. That's right. "That's strange. I did think that, despite being neutral as a warden you did have some things you dislike, but..." ... "Isn't it unusual to openly reavel a personal dislike as a personal dislike?" You're splitting hairs. "Seems like you really disliked my crime... I get it! Maybe it's because you're so young... Which is to say... ..." Hah? Stop staring at me so openly. It's disgusting. "..." ... [Es punches him]

Honestly warranted he is making fun of Es for the same reasons Jackalope did in Es' voice drama. Being a bit green behind the ears. Which is never fun. So, of course after that the first thing Es does is do the same thing to Amane in her interrogation after this.

... Now I feel better. "-Ow! What are you doing all of a sudden..?!" It was an instinctive reaction. Don't take it personally. "Would you stop just punching me in the face without any hesitation? ...huh Anyways... That's how it is, huh? That's how it is...?"

Kazui stating "That's how it is..." highlights that he does take note of Es' personal feelings. He not only does that but seems to take a moment to mentally compare them to what he's been hearing from the voices over the course trial one. Really honing in on the fact that Es says them disliking Kazui's crime is a personal thing.

Meaning that Kazui knows full and well that Es' personal opinion does not matter when it comes to the verdict and may have concluded as such. Something made even more clear by his second trial song opening with him telling Es to just go shove it. Fuck off get that nonsense out of here.

Kazui literally forgoes Es' statements on his actions from his second voice drama at the jump of cat like oh well the guard said it was wrong but fuck that- Innocent is the right answer. It's the conclusion you all came to the first time so.

Double down. Hence the-

"Lie, until it gets better, follow the king of the masquerade. Lick that sin and oppose punishment, until you can meet the king of the masquerade."

The only allusion to Es in Cat is,

"So it’s wrong? Oh shove that!"

This is because Es has already said they personally dislike Kazui's crime or people who act based on their sexual desires. Meaning if Kazui's crime is that of a sexual nature trying to sway Es on seeing it any other way is pointless. So, he no longer has an interest in convincing Es his behavior was okay. Plus he's not even really concerned by what the audience themselves have assumed or figured out. Something alluded to through how comfortable he in while singing Cat in comparison to Half.

Amane's is rather straight forward as well. Considering her song starts with direct recognition of the audience/spectators going-

"Good morning, ladies and gentlemen! It’s the beginning of a most wonderful day! However, there are blasphemers and silent by-standers, who would have it otherwise. We must not give into them, they are the ones that should be judged." - "I disavow you, eyes corrupted must be crushed."

These are the only references Amane makes to the audience and Milgram. Literally going those who agree with me you know what to do. Those who don't well we can't give into those people now can we!

Then there's Mu,

"I am innocent as everybody desires."- "We are just the same. Don’t you think it’s wonderful to control them with my gentle sting?"

Mu compares how what the audience is doing is no different from what she has done. So of course it only makes sense she'd be Innocent. Then specifically speaks of Es after. The one who is also controlling people with their gentle sting. (This statment does apply to the audience as well. Since we're impacting the prisoners through the press of a button a gentle sting/poke. )

The lines calls attention to the emotional and psychological abuse Kotoko points out as being just as bad as what she's doing in her voice drama. Something Es also brings up as a factor in Mu's case during you guessed it her second voice drama.

When Mu says she never really hit anyone herself and Es goes yeah you just had other people do it for you.

"I haven't bullied anyone! I'd never do such a mean thing!" ... "I've never once hit anyone or poured water over anyone's head. I wouldn't do something like that!" ... "I'm not lying. I'm not being dishonest! I really haven't done anything!" I see. I'll take note of that.

Just like Kotoko did with Es. Saying just because you never hit anyone doesn't mean you haven't caused harm or incited it to occur. As Es attempts to highlight they never really used excessive physical violence/took it as far as Kotoko did with the prisoners. Despite the fact that they have hit them and impacted some of them just as negatively as Kotoko has.

Even more so from the admission of Mahiru in her second voice drama.

"I mean it. It doesn't hurt. Compared to the way I felt when you chose not to forgive me... Not at all." ...! "Not at all... Nothing. None of it hurts. It's not...as big of a deal. Ever since, I've constantly been hearing...voices saying I couldn't be forgiven. Yours? Whose? I don't know... I don't know, but... I've heard them this whole time." Mahiru, calm down... "Was what I did such a bad thing? I just... had a normal relationship like everyone else...! That's all I did! Why can that not be forgiven? Hey, why? Why? Why?"

Kotoko's second trial voice drama does well to follow up on those similarities It's Not My Fault, Bring It On, and Backdraft highlighted between the prisoners and those who watch Milgram. The same mentality to jump into something that is quite frankly no one other than the parties involved business just to turn around and blame others when things get bad.

Later

"Ah- But if you don't forgive me, then Haruka-kun will die. So, I think it'd be best not to do that." ...! So, you've heard about that nonsense, too? "Mhm! Haruka-kun told me. So, I could rest easy according to him. That made me happy... It made me really feel our friendship!" You know about it and you're not trying to stop him? Haruka, that is? "Why would I? Haruka-kun says that's what he wants. So, there's nothing I can do, right?" But you're calling him your friend? "Isn't it exactly because he's, my friend? Isn't friendship about letting your friends do the stuff they want?" ... "Are you planning to tell me, "That's not what friendship is."? Then, what is it? It's about sticking together because it's beneficial for everyone involved, isn't it?" I don't think Haruka is benefitting from that at all. "No way... It's not like you'd know what's good for him." ... You sure are tough to beat. "I really don't get what it is you're trying to say, Warden-san. Haruka-kun is free to decide what he wants, and I'm not doing anything wrong. It's not like I asked him to do that!" I see. So, that's how it is, huh. You don't say anything; just because you're present, the wishes of those around you evolve to benefit you- Oh, so that's it. Like, a born queen. No, it's as if you're influencing your surroundings not with words but with pheromones... Just like a queen bee. "Pheromones...? I'm not sure what you're going on about but I'm not a fan of that lewd-sounding stuff." That's not the nuance i was talking about. "Either way there are prisoners much more deserving of not being forgiven than me. So, I think you should focus your energy on those guys instead. Like, Kotoko-san has been up to no good, for example. Ah, but what she did was approved by you, wasn't it?" ...You're making my blood boil. "Anyway... I think you would do good to forgive me. Then Haruka-kun will be safe, too. Ah, actually- Couldn't you just forgive everyone? Then Kotoko-san won't run amok, and you won't have to think about all the difficult stuff." ...That is...a very enticing proposal. "Right? Hah, hehehe." Abandoning all thinking... How nice it would be if I could just do that. "...If you ask me, I don't really get why you don't do it..." Because this is the role I'm playing! "But this role was giving to you, wasn't it?" ...! "You didn't end up doing this because you wanted to, right? It's not a dream you've had for a long time or anything, Warden-san? So, there's no need to let it tie you down. Couldn't you just quit?" What are you... "Warden-san- We call you warden, because that's what you are, right? And I wa sassigned the role of prisoner, but that doesn't mean I'm now nothing but a prisoner at heart, too. After all, I'm still me." ...! "Are you okay warden? Are you feelings sick again?" Haah...haeuahh... "That's because you keep thinking too much about difficult things." ...Gyh!... Haah... "Just stop. Being the warden, that is."

Es brings up that Mu is emotionally manipulative. That she hones onto any weakness to exploit in those she dislikes and makes herself look small so those around will feel more inclined to help her. Through her voice drama, like many of the other prisoners, Mu uses the same tactics that got her into Milgram to begin with.

From her first voice drama Mu is well aware that Es has issues when it comes to thinking about themselves outside of their job as prison guard. She recognizes it as a trigger which she willfully exploits in an attempt to get her point across better.

Then despite saying what Kotoko did is no concern of hers and since it was approved by the warder it'd be wrong of her to disagree with it earlier in the same voice drama her tone changes a lot near the end.

"Huh? But that has nothing to do with me." What? "The ones who are suffering are the ones who have done bad things right? You know, like, what goes around comes around?" ... "Besides Kotoko-san hurt and was mean to the people who you chose not to forgive, right?" ...Yeah. "Wouldn't it be weird for me to have any thoughts on that, then? After all, I didn't do anything wrong. You forgave me!"

Yet, suddenly when the idea that she might be viewed as in the wrong later comes up Kotoko is running amok and is a prisoner more deserving of not being forgiven than her. Because Mu as she has always done puts targets on other people to avoid being singled out herself. Then to add insult to injury she directly contradicts what she says about friendship and it being letting the people around you do what they want.

By continuing to badger Es into quiting being a guard and stop taking the role so seriously. Because Es taking their job seriously does not benefit Mu. It puts her at risk of being singled out and votes guilty later down the line. So, it's better if they just drop it.

If they don't/can't she has no issues, or qualms making the situation more difficult for them by poking at weak spots until Es-

If you want to betray from jealousy I’ve told you what’s gonna happen.

What's the point of highlighting all of this? Why include all the others when this is just meant to be about if Mikoto references the audience over the course of trial two.

Well, to be completely honest this isn't about them.

Even though at times this seems to be about the others. They're only being used as examples of how I analyzed the information provided and discerned through my own perspective when the audience was being referred to, how it was being referred to and why.

It is just easiest to explain that method over the course of all the prisoners and build up to Mikoto.

It just so happens that this may stand out more overtly with Mu than any of the other prisoners. Because of how consistent a character she is. Like she states in her voice drama no matter what labels external forces put on her, inside, in her heart she will always be Mu. She, like all the other prisoners, isn't changing and has no desire to change.

Their only desire is to escape punishment and gain social power and influence by any means necessary at times.

This is important with how they refer to the audience and the entities they choose to suck up to. Many of the prisoners have recognized being nice to Es just does not matter long term because they are just a proxy. They don't have much power or influence over how the prisoners are viewed.

Sure, it's good to get along with them for images sake during the interrogation but ultimately how well off they are with the guard doesn't heavily impact their verdict.

Yet, as long as they aren't outwardly and overtly malicious, they can get away with harassing Es if they want to. Mu's whole thing is making it appear as though she had no malicious intent or at least if she did it was a warranted response to the circumstances. She's just a victim, an underdog biting back. It's not her fault people were mean to her, but she doesn't just have to take it on the chin and wear it.

She has a right to protect herself after all she was-

"Having such a hard time." and "Trying so hard."

She was at a point where she couldn't take it anymore. Her heart was all dried up and her sorry spells weren't working.

Mikoto is the same way throughout his voice drama.

A mix of Mu and Mahiru's behavior. Basically, they're all passive aggressive about it. Dancing around the point instead of tackling it head on.

Not really elaborating on what they've heard but more so implying it through their emotional states and responses.

"If you just laugh and pretend, usually things will work out in the end right?"

X

"I'm pretty good at that! Making things work out to the best of my abilities." Is that so... "Eheheh... But...it's not coming to an end. All of this. With things I've never even heard before, the whole ti- The whole time... Haah... I have to see through all of these irritating experiences...!" You emerged, huh. "Hey. Looks like you haven't received a beating yet, Warden brat." ...! ... "Hah? What, are you scared?" Like you didn't get beaten by Kotoko...! "Heheh... That was just because she caught me off guard. We went at it again while you were asleep and it's not like i lost there."

Mikoto in his second voice drama similarly to Mahiru and Kazui does not willfully give Es or the audience information. Instead questioning Es on what they believe and what they saw.

"As for alters... Why do you think they're born?" In precise terms it's called, Dissociative Identity Disorder. Generally speaking it refers to when a person experiences severe pain or stress, and a new personality is created in order to isolate the original personality from the resulting trauma. "Yeah. I... probably come out to ease the stress I experience."

It's important to note that Mikoto (John) is not speaking in past tense here but present tense. So, he's not stating I emerged in the past in response to the stress Mikoto was experiencing. He's literally saying I'm coming out now to ease the stress he's currently experiencing.

Subtly calling to attention that Milgram, the verdict and the audience voices are causing Mikoto stress and he was brought out to handle and relieve Mikoto from that.

Even elaborating after that-

"The fact that I come out for longer just means that I'm constantly under extreme stress."

Again highlighting the negative impact Milgram has had on Mikoto's mental health and wellbeing. Yet also calling to attention that Mikoto (John) doesn't have a clue about what the source of the stress is. Just that Mikoto must be stressed for him to be here. Saying that just means and going off the fact that he's here at all to discern that.

Them asking this at least confirms again that they both recognize the audience as well as Es at least know Mikoto has Dissociative Identity Disorder. Something Mikoto states he's heard from the voices on his birthday as well.

The fact that he's questioning if there's really another "me" on his birthday means he more than likely heard that from the audience. He doesn't really get the chance to broach it in his voice drama or doesn't broach the topic.

Yet it is made abundantly clear before that occurs that Mikoto is aware due to the voices he's heard from the audience. So there's that as well.

All this makes the moment after this particularly interesting.

Stress... Namely, the environment of Milgram, right? "Right. You're decision to not forgive me is especially stress inducing. That's why I'm entrusting me with my heart." I see. "Not like I can blame myself. From my point of view, I'm being blamed for a crime I can't even remember." If that's the truth, then... You're the one who committed the murder? "Yeah, it was me. I killed them off." ... "So, I, Mikoto really didn't do it." Can i ask... Why you killed them? "They annoyed me." Who did you kill? "Just whoever was walking around nearby." ... How many did you kill? "Can't remember I was just born back then, you know. It's kind of fuzzy."

Just whoever was walking around-

In this empty ass back alley looking underpass in the dead of fucking night. Okay, Lil' Slugger. I believe you.

I too walk around in the dark of night to secluded spaces with no public foot traffic and a loud passing train that would mask not only my screams but those of anyone else around this is true and reasonable. It's something we all have to do we can't control where our homes are located or find other safer alternative night routes at times. Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do and people like Mikoto are there.

Sometimes you have to walk up to or past a suspicious ominously posted up stranger that definitely doesn't look in any way to be waiting to initiate a hit. That's not something any person would want to avoid in the middle of the night on their walk by all means. I would have seen you like this and went whelp fuck my house is that way... Aw, damn he's either gonna kill me or I'm gonna get home but I gotta walk that way. Better start praying and speed walking.

I ain't even a religious person but I need something to have me right now.

We already made eye contact. I saw him see me. That was my first mistake. Can't get out of it now. Whelp, I have the perfect song for this. I'm such a fucking disappointment. Oh, this route will be shorter there's not many people on it! We'll get home faster. Now I'm about to die.

I would be so pissed to die because this guy was just what fucking waiting to hurt somebody. What the fuck man pick up a contact sport and put the bat down!

Think I was fucking around when I said okay I belive you well ha ha; no. I wasn't. I don't believe this is the truth in this instance. However, I one hundred percent believe this is some city shit. The fucked up thing is what he just said isn't unreasonable like that shit happens there's senseless violence all the time. That doesn't make it better he really went on the mic and said,

"I killed someone because it really was just one of those days, I'm quirky like that. I didn't even know them. Didn't even know their name. They were just annoying had those hit me with a bat vibes you know."

Like dude fuck you that's not better. That's substantially worse actually. I'm sorry this has nothing to do with the question. It's just... Rewatching Mikoto's second voice drama is a trip. One second it's like if you did do that for the reason you stated then you're kind of just objectively the worst person here and continuing to vote you guilty would be better.

He just admitted he just does this shit to relieve his own stress and it doesn't matter who he hits. It's not personal in any way. Does having a hard time and demanding job excuse that? I don't think it does. These were all people to his own quick and flimsy admission had no connection to him. Never wronged him, hell they're strangers whose only crime was walking near him.

Yet the child who killed their abuser is barely treading water while he's here coasting-

That's fucked up! The fanbase did Amane Momose dirty and it really just seems like it's because she's a child. Because these fucking adults be acting hell of childish and they are not getting as much heat as this twelve year old has. Be better. The fuck type of defense is this. He really came in here and said,

"I felt like it so I did. What's the problem?"

Then a majority of people went alright go off he's such a victim- Of what nepotism, marginally good looking priviliege?! Being shippable and okay to sexualize leading to people liking and projecting on him more than a twelve-year-old?! Because all of those things are actually helping him a lot if you take a step back to think about. Like if you take in the image in full he's doing quite well now in comparison to the shit start he had.

He literally said I killed just because they annoyed me. I didn't even know them and people went I do not dee the problem with that. Go off king people do be annoying. If you don't want to die don't be annoying in public. Being annoying death penalty actively abusining your child for years and killing a cat come on Amane jumping to murder due to that was a bit of leap wasn't it. Like even if your religion said so sweety killing is bad.

Because the truth is if he was Amane's age and gave the excuse that was given here it wouldn't be working. It would be giving repeat offender energy he would need to learn a lesson. He would be hiding behind his disorder.

Even though Mikoto (John) may only be admiting to committing the murders to cover for Mikoto which I'll go into again later... I'm mostly highlighting this to go this should not have made him be more favorably viewed. Like people really just ignored he said that shit.

Yet, then other times in the voice drama it really sounds like listening to your friend lie about the disorder they have blatantly and without restraint to get out of something they simply did not want to do to begin with. To an individual that is woefully underinformed about how the disorder works. Which is me saying it's fucking hilarious. It is absolutely amazing. He should keep doing that actually.

It's not Mikoto or Mikoto (John's) fault that people are ignorant when it comes to dissociative identity disorder and stereotype people that have it. He should take advantage of what aids him. If that's the ignorance of others in this age it takes ten seconds to start researching. No one has to teach anybody in the real wold except teachers and they ain't paid well for it.

We gotta figure it out on our own. He is in jail he doesn't owe society or anyone in that jail shit especially the truth and he isn't giving it.

Mikoto (John) goes me fronting longer has allowed me to stabilize which probably isn't good and means Mikoto the prisoner is disappearing. That is not typically not how Dissociative Identity Disorder works. I don't know why anyone would want to present it as though it does work the way Mikoto (John) is purporting. He's basically saying that alters are born at random and are immediately violent.

This is a a very weird and stereotypical way of discussing and presenting people with DID. That has led to the demonization and stigmatizing of the disorder. It's not like it can't happen people can have violent alters but usually they're responding to a trigger not just being violent towards uninvolved parties or just lashing out at anyone while outside of stressful situations.

Plus, alters can go dormant but that doesn't just happen due to someone else fronting. They can also be integrated. Everyone is different though. So, maybe that's just how this works for Mikoto. Though, alters do disappear for a bit that happens as well. So, why is Mikoto (John) acting like Mikoto's gonna die?

It's difficult for me not to question how this was phrased, especially given what others have pulled over the course of trial two. A good deal of trial two has been prisoners going well if you vote me Guilty someone else will disappear/die- So, you should just like find me innocent. It's that easy find me innocent and everything will be fine.

Like these assholes have genuinely forgotten they are in here because someone has already died. They really be out here like I will certainly take a life but it won't be mine. Do as I say not as I do. Violence is bad and we wouldn't want to hurt anyone let's all just get along.

Where was this Barney ass logic when you were giving people head-on collisions with bats, knives to people's chest, committing malpractice. Like none of these people have said there's no reason to take a life because they've all fucking done it. Just that there's no reason to take away their lives. At least with the people who have brought that sort of thing up.

Isn't that sort of fucked up? That all of trial two a good deal of prisoners threatened the audience with the idea of someone dying as a result of the audiences' actions. Completely ignoring, downplaying, or evading the fact that someone has already died because of their actions.

Instead, it's about reducing harm in the present suddenly. Yet they weren't thinking about reducing harm when they did what they did. Maybe reducing harm to themselves. Then when their victims come up they get real quiet suddenly. Unless it's Shidou or Mahiru who immediately turn it around and make it about how the victims deaths are impacting them.

How it's making them feel bad.

Even ignoring all of the emotionally questionable things presented here and over the course of trial two. Pushing that to the side and just taking the voice drama by itself.

It's riddled with contradictions. For example, this statement

"Evidently, the time I've been fronting has been getting longer. So, this "me" has been able to stabilize. Isn't that the reason we can talk properly?"

Let's again ignore the fact that you were working and taking the fucking train before Milgram. Something that is not only expressly shown in your music video but corroborated by Mikoto's own testimony that directly conflicts with seeing you on a fucking train,

Q.12 How do you travel to work? Mikoto: Road cycling. It’s one of my hobbies, and it’s good exercise too. The fact I don’t have to worry about making the last train can be both a blessing and a curse.

Meanwhile in clown town where the alibis are shit and keeping a story straight is dead.

Q.17 Do you smoke? Mikoto: Only electric. I used to smoke real cigarettes in the past, but since I started my job I’ve stopped.

Like they even change the tote bags they carry so one has the color we fucking have had associated with Mikoto (John) and the other doesn't so the person taking the fucking train is more than like Mikoto (John).

Not even adding to the fact Mikoto confirms that he's the one who works at night in his fucking first written interrogation through this answer-

Q.06 What do you hate? Mikoto: working overnight / reptiles / violence

All things that appear or are alluded to in MeMe. Either from the tarot cards or expressly shown like with the images of him returning home.

Ah, man it'd be a fucking shame if on top of all that there was canonical merch that showed Mikoto vaping after the murder or holding an e-cigarette.

Certainly no one has that and the staff wouldn't provide us with something so damning because they like to keep things up to interpretation and it's not meant to be solvable. It's about how we all view it, view it in our hearts through our feelings.

Meanwhile the third anniversary art coming in with a steel chair.

(Something I brought up way before, along with the idea that the art from the third anniversary is in fact the prisoners after their crimes. Even getting this merch to check more closely. )

Oh, Holmes I'm absolutely stumped at what this could mean. Surely this is still just Mikoto (John) too. It could be no one else. Mikoto is an honest innocent man who couldn't hurt a fly.

All he did was dream. Except when that witty bastard plum forgot he still smoked cigarettes occasionally just a few times. Quitting is difficult, yes, even when moving over to the same thing in a different form. It doesn't mean he's a liar.

For another example, here

This is not Mikoto (John) in MeMe smoking in the tub but still Mikoto. He's an honest but confused man. Who wouldn't know or rightfully remember no longer smoking cigarettes.

Okay time to stop joking around-

It is more reasonable to recognize that they both appear throughout MeMe and Double and this is subtly displayed through their stated habits, clothing, and facial expressions. Then just ignoring the pile of evidence that shows Mikoto (John) clearly had a life outside of here too.

Along with that again to Mikoto's own admission trial one he was the one more active at night until recently. Stating with extraordinarily little prompting-

Q.20 Are you more of a morning person or a night person? Mikoto: I used to be basically nocturnal. Recently though I’ve been falling asleep pretty early.

Ignoring all of that again he's still just fucking lying.

Just because alters don't front doesn't mean they don't have a stable internal existence. What the fuck are you on about right now? Like at most I can generously say he meant it was becoming easier for him to front but this was bullshit.

This was not a good way of phrasing that. Again alters that don't front have personalities and could even have rich lives internally. So, Mikoto (John) is on some nonsense. Like he's just testing what he can fucking get away with because he knows Es is stupid and ill informed.

Every day I question how he is getting away with it when the honest answer is,

People frankly don't care to see it and that's fine.

There's even the fucking fact that Mikoto (John) directly fucking contradicts himself right after stating this.

"Evidently, the time I've been fronting has been getting longer. So, this "me" has been able to stabilize. Isn't that the reason we can talk properly?" ... "If I had stayed a monster maybe that would've been better. ...What?" You've turned out to be much more rational than I expected... I'm surprised. "I'm a university graduate after all."

Alright, Mikoto (John) which the fuck is it?

Have you only recently been fronting enough to stabilize leading to you being able to communicate properly or did you front for all of fucking college?

You were at least aware enough of it to consider yourself a college graduate. So, what's the truth? Huh which fucking is it?

"Can't remember I was just born back then, you know. It's kind of fuzzy."

I am once again asking how you fucking remember college Mikoto (John)?! Yet, were just born back then?

Okay, let's talk about the elephant in the room-

The threekoto or trikoto theory.

Because some people may want to say if you take into consideration the existence of a third unknown alter than all these inconsistencies can be explained, Gunsli. This is what all those inconsistencies are hinting towards, it's the perfect explanation you're just choosing not to see it.

Yes, I am choosing not to see it that way.

Yet that's not only because it doesn't bring me any narrative joy and subtracts from it. It's also because I view that concept as a cheap fix-it solution where a new factor has been shoved into the narrative in order to account for things within it that could be logistically explained by other means. There's also no actual evidence to this being the case.

One could rightfully say what about the inconsistencies you just pointed out though.

Those could simply be explained by a fact that Milgram has brought up since the beginning of the series-

The prisoners can lie.

If the prisoners who are under more restrictions than Mikoto (John) still have the freedom to lie why are people assuming Mikoto (John) isn't lying as well? Especially when being faced with an unknown, dangerous situation, in which he's been threatened with the death sentence? Like wouldn't the reasonable response to such an odd situation be to keep your information yours alone. Not willfully give it to an entity exerting power over you?

So, the inconsistencies found here very well could be there to hint at what exactly happened once all the information is examined together.

Though, let's be serious for a bit.

Let me walk down that bridge with anyone who wants to go there? What's the actual probability that all the information that they gave us-

Including naming the songs,

MeMe and Double.

Along with willfully adding this fucking very overt line,

"Doesn’t matter if you didn’t wish for it, can’t get rid of me now. Just the two of us, relieved, aren’t you? I’ll protect you (us)."

Are all actually statements meant to mislead the audience and both Mikoto and Mikoto (John) are being honest about not remembering the murder and this third more recently born alter is the actual murderer. Because given that statement on the crimes and Mikoto (John)'s admission that yes, he is a college graduate, the lyrics in Double pointing out we made him out to be a scoundrel-

In my opinion that would be the most reasonable conclusion to draw if I were to believe this is true with the information we've been given so far.

Even if that were the case and all of these other things were red herrings.

These would all be objectively the worst red herrings in existence. Because that isn't a red herring it's a fucking school of them. Grab a fishing rod and get to it. This is past the point of being considered a red herring and instead would be more aptly described as a series of overt lies.

You know a good red herring is when people can actually figure out it is that and there's evidence in canon alluding to that being the case and what is commonly accepted as truth being disingenuous. I'm not the biggest Steven Universe fan nor do I hate it passionately. I'm more neutral to it.

So, let's use it as an example.

-Spoilers for Steven Universe-

In Steven Universe it turns out Pink Diamond and Rose Quartz are the same fucking person. There is art that alludes to this before this reveal. There were speculations and theories of this being the case. What Steven Universe did not do repeatedly at any point was go she's not a diamond we swear this is a normal Rose Quartz.

They didn't draw attention to the elephant in the room over and over. Most of the characters in the series believed fully that she was a quartz and had been lied to for years. It's never called attention to because it is a wildly accepted truth. So, nobody questioned it.

Yet, there were still hints this was the case enough for people to speculate such far before it was revealed to be the case. My point is red herrings are seen not heard, not repeated over and over. A red herring by definition is one misleading clue or accepted truth meant to trick the viewer into believing something that is untrue or move them away from the truth.

It's not a consistent pattern.

-End Spoilers for Steven Universe-

Then to add more insult to fucking injury why the fuck would Deco*27 say this-

This isn't a red herring this isn't even within the canon.

This is a statement he made independent of the canon. Outside of that he didn't even have to give a specific number but did anyway. He could have just said what will happen to the Mikoto's now. If they wanted this shit to remain ambiguous. Yet, he still used two unless this translation from the Milgram app is simply wrong and it added that.

It'd be weird but machine translations have been weirder.

Yet, considering everything I've seen it truly makes more sense for me to believe Mikoto and Mikoto (John) are both being dishonest for self-preservation reasons than to believe that the entire series has been lying from jump.

I just find it more likely that these two who found themselves in such a strange situation, who are vehemently trying to convince the audience and the other prisoners around them that they are honest trustworthy men are just fucking lying about a lot of provably false shit. Then as it tends to happen when someone is telling lies off the seat of their fucking pants there are many easily spotted contradictions and direct confirmation of actual truths.

Because the truth tends to be consistent lies aren't unless a person is very skilled at it. (Glances at Kazui.) Throwing all that to the side.

If the idea of there being three alters brings someone joy, then that's all well and good. I'm not trying to stomp that out or rain on anyways parade. I just don't personally want the information I discuss to be associated with that or have any interest in discussing that interpretation.

There are a lot of people who'd have a great time doing that. I am not one of them.

Because I feel using that idea to excuse the fact that the alibi, excuses, other statements Mikoto has given, and the reality of the situation through the songs extracted directly contradict each other in a way that highlights he may not be being honest is not only incredibly convenient for him but somewhat disingenuous.

This includes his voice dramas and the birthday interaction before Double premiered. Unsurprisingly.

I'm not looking for an easy fix for those inconsistencies that keep Mikoto looking infallible and like he couldn't hurt a fly. I'm not looking for something that frames Mikoto as being in the right, a good person, and a victim of circumstance while highlighting an alter as being completely bad and in the wrong always. Because that sort of story is lacking in nuances in my opinion and wouldn't be fun to me.

If that were the case it would make it feel as though the story itself was highlighting Mikoto's character having dissociative identity disorder as the reason for him being a murderer or the only thing that led to these issues occurring. Something that just doesn't feel right to me personally.

It's never like what has Mikoto done/chosen to do or how could he have responded differently or managed stress better. Nope it's always an alters fault, it's always the disorders' fault. There's no respect for Mikoto's own agency because he's a guy with a disorder, he didn't mean it, he couldn't help it, that's just how it is.

The impressive thing is how often Milgram as a series pushes back against this interpretation and simplification of dissociative disorders in general.

Then the fandom pretty much plays into this trying to tell others there's a definitive way to know if someone has it, how many alters they have, and at what time an alter is out just by vibes and speaking patterns alone.

As if dissociative identity disorder doesn't involve a shit ton of masking and trying to appear fine to avoid being singled out by others.

Milgram highlights this issue with the perception of dissociative disorder through Amane's voice drama.

Where Es literally implies that since Amane's case doesn't present the same exact way as Mikoto's and she cannot do the same things as him that solidifies to them that Amane herself cannot have a dissociative disorder. So, in Es' eyes what Amane is doing is just playing pretend by referring to herself as we and god. So, really all she is or appears to be to Es at the end of the day is a kid throwing a tanturm and playing make believe.

Well... It's in vain. So, you might as well listen to me while we're here. "I won't forgive you. I won't forgive you." Prisoners can't attack the warden. This is one of Milgram's core rules, although a certain guy with multiple personalities managed to slip past it. "I won't forgive you... I won't forgive you..." Which means Milgram doesn't dictate who the prisoners are by their body but by their mind. If the mind isn't accounted for then the rule doesn't apply. It bothers me that there's a loophole, but... "I'll kill you...! I'll kill you!" Thanks to this defective rule we can confirm this; The 'you' holding the scissors right now isn't a god or a concept. It's Amane Momose herself. "...I'll..." So, what you're doing right now really is just a game of pretending. This is stupid.

Then Amane later in her voice drama calls out Es for referring to themselves as we. Saying that Es must just be playing pretend to avoid taking accountability for their actions as well.

Es makes the very severe and common mistake of assuming all dissociative disorders present the same way and immediately has their own logic used again them. Leading them to have another crisis of identity. They're shown to have a serious lack of understanding of themselves and their opinion.

Something that from the beginning of Milgram has been shown to cause them discomfort in multiple voice dramas. Mu's first and second one, Kotoko's first and second one, and Amane's second one. This same logic could very well lead to the audience making a lot of the same mistakes as Es is presented making.

Well, that was longer than I anticipated. But, there's a lot of things about Mikoto that imply he not only heard the audience voices but took the reaction he received into account when deciding on how he proceeded.

Other than that, I've got a birthday to have. Sorry for the long answer and going much more in depth than I needed to. I also hope none of this was rude.

Though i can't really control how I'm interpreted.

[coulsons-fullmetal-cellist]

The Jealousy of Dieter Bravo

(Dieter Bravo x horror lover female reader)

Summary: Back in the world with horror loving reader, Dieter gets jealous when you start working with a hot new actor

Check out masterlist here

Warning: Dieter being grumpy, some swearing, a cookie gets sacrificed

Notes: Reader is Australian but not the stereotypical sort

Dieter Bravo hated a lot of people; people in general were stupid, fake, and self-centred. Up and coming actor Jagar Aldritch was the latest person on his list of people he hated. His totally non-biased opinion of the hip new actor was that that he was a pretentious prick.

He generally avoided reading any type of media relating about other actors, especially this jerk, except for this one article. Only because it was about a film you were working on: Hyde Away with Dr. J was a new modern take on Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. This stupid actor with an even stupider name spent the whole article waffling on about going all method. Dieter thought actors who went method were compensating for something.

“I struggled with the juxtaposition of the duality of the character but managed to adhere to the contrast of man and monster”

What the fuck did that mean? And not once did he mention the hours of sitting in the makeup chair while you worked your magic to create half his character. Total prick.

Dieter just happened to be visiting on set for the last day of filming. He was planning to surprise you with a little celebration, and actual celebration of dinner at a nice restaurant, not his normal celebration. He grumbled around looking for you, then he heard your beautiful laughter.

You were there with that prick, being absolutely professional, wiping your elaborate makeup off his stupid chiselled face.

 “And there we go! No more being stuck under a mask anymore!”

Damn it, you were being a ray of sunshine while that idiot flashed his probably veneered teeth at you.

“Thank you. So much”

How dare he hold your hands in his. Dieter had bigger hands.

“You made those hours in the chair feel transcendent”

“I was just doing my job”

“I feel we had a good rapport going, just wondering if you’d…”

Dieter immediately feigned a coughing fit, interrupting whatever that prick was propositioning.

“Dieter! What are you doing here!”

“I came to take you out to dinner. To celebrate”

Your arms went around his waist and gave him a quick kiss.

“Aw, you’re so sweet!”

“Yeah, I’m an amazing boyfriend to my wonderful, hugely talented girlfriend”

He may have said that a bit too firmly. And his arm was very firmly around your waist.

You quipped in before the biting match began.

“Do you two know each other?”

“Just through our agent”

The testosterone was so thick you could spread it like butter on toast.

“I guess I’ll see you at the premiere then!”

That prick known as Jagar Aldritch then grabbed a cookie out of your Tupperware, took a small bite and waived it as he walked away.

Dieter glared after him, just to make sure that prick didn’t think of coming back. You decided to start putting your stuff away.

“Dieter, do you want to help me?”

That stopped his angry glaring. He might as well be the amazing boyfriend he claimed he was. He actually proved very helpful, although he did everything with a grumpy pout on your face. Once everything was put away, you decided to address the grumpy elephant in the room.

“Dieter, are you jealous of Mr. Aldritch?”

“What? No” he scoffed.

You looked at him the way a schoolteacher looked at a naughty schoolboy.

“Dieter Bravo, you may be an award-winning actor, but you are a terrible liar”

He hangs his head; he felt scolded.

“Okay maybe. You were being nice to him”

“I’m nice to everyone”

“He’s a pretentious prick!”

“Yes, I know”

He perked his head up.

“You do?”

“Of course, it’s obvious. He asked if I was Australian but then proceeded to go on about all the beaches he visited, and I’ve been to none of them, and he pronounced a bunch of them wrong. And I clearly put in more research into his character than he did. Did you know he hasn’t even read the book? Didn’t want it to interfere with his character or something”

Your angry ministrations were stirring something in him.

“You know, you’re sexy when you rant”

“I could go on for hours!”

“Please do”

“No, not now, I’m hungry. Can we go eat?”

He would have to remember to bring the subject up later tonight. He moved to help you grab your stuff. Picking up your Tupperware he had that glare again.

“Can’t believe that prick ate one of your cookies”

“Don’t worry, he only takes a bite to show off, then throws the rest out in the trash”

“He WHAT?!”

“It’s not that big of a deal”

Oh, it was a big deal. No one throws out a delicious cookie made by an equally delicious woman. That cookie was a work of heavenly bliss, and he was going out for the hunt!

Dieter stormed off.

“Dieter, no! No, don’t you dare. Don’t even think about it. Don’t you dare eat that trash cookie!”

[we-pay-for-everything]

Nancy Drew season 3, episode 10 review:

I don't really love this episode. All the romance scenes felt unnatural. I hate it when a character randomly, and confidently, states another character, especially one they barely know, is in love before they even admit it themselves. Like, why would Hannah say Ace is in love with Nancy? Is it really that obvious? To me it's not. And she barely has any scenes with Ace. It felt so cheesy and forceful. And George saying Nancy sounded like a single woman with agency and options was a bit annoying. She'd been dating Nick for months. Why was she acting like she'd wasted her entire youth on him? And that was such fake girl power moment. I get that women get slut shamed so George was being supportive, but it made me roll my eyes a bit. How much can Nancy care about Ace if she's crushing on Park? She's attracted to, and impressed by, Park, and also wants to feel wanted after being stood up by Ace, I guess? I can never understand liking multiple people at once, because it's personally almost impossible for me to even like one single person. But that's on me, I guess. Nancy's the "normal" one.

Anyway, Park and Nancy are entirely wrong together. She's barely 19 and he's at least in his mid twenties. It's not the age gap that's the issue, but she's not even old enough to legally drink. She's practically a teenager, with no job or plans for the future, and he's already a well-respected agent, much more mature than her, as their interactions often show (eg. when she threw his words about space back at him and refused to ride in his car), with no plans to stay in Horseshoe Bay. But, really, the main issue is that she's too young. He's also in charge of a case in which she's sort of a person of interest, and she's working at the police station. He's supposed to be an authority figure of sorts. Furthermore, the fact that Nancy thinks there's nothing wrong with their relationship just shows she's still very immature, even if she's super smart, and that's okay because she's super young. But Park is old enough to know better so I don't know what his excuse is. And I also don't understand why the rest of the gang don't think it weird that Nancy almost only shows interest in older men (Owen, Park, the other detective - whatever happened to him? lmao, Gil...).

I think the most annoying part of the episode was George and Nick's fight though. It came out of nowhere to me and sounded like George was trying to make Nick into the bad guy so she felt better about dumping him. I don't love George so I hope I can be objective, but I honestly don't get why she said what she said. Nick wanted to save George? He always saves people and runs away? When did he try to save George? She didn't need saving when they got together, and he accepted her proposal because he loved her. Maybe her death curse was a factor, but young love is also intense and makes people act hasty. I don't get what she was accusing him of, and I also don't get why George thought she was settling? Maybe he was the first man who showed her what a good relationship was, but he didn't pursue her. She liked him first, so she didn't go for the first nice guy who showed her attention, because he still liked Nancy when George became interested in him. This whole argument was a bit forced.

Nancy and Ryan's fight felt forced too. I think this was the issue with the whole episode. The circumstances were forced as well. Why did Temperance even throw a party? In these small towns everyone's always throwing a ball lmao. Bess remembering to spike Temperance with a truth serum because she needed proof of her real intentions in Horseshoe Bay was so idiotic. "Nancy needs evidence!". Well, Bess, if you told her what you read in the letter she wouldn't think you made it up. Do you think she trusts you so little? Or that she thinks you're an insane compulsive liar and manipulator? Why would she think you made it up, especially when it was you who trusted Temperance first.

Lastly, Hannah's master plan was just knocking on Nancy's door? And she was upset Nancy didn't figure it out? Even if Nancy thought it was a ghost, she's too used to that. But then, at the party, Hannah magically remembered to mess with the radio! She was right to go after Ace though, because Nancy already had a mystery on her hands and when that happens she doesn't care about anything else.

[deathsbestgirl]

it’s the way mulder calling her scully was actually a sign of respect. other agents who respect her, call her agent scully, sometimes dr. scully depending on the setting, and sometimes scully. the people who don’t actually respect her (disregarding season 8&9 where they suddenly start using first names for no reason) call her dana. it’s so obvious too. because it’s what they would do for any male agent. it always drives me bonkers and i live for when she corrects them. it’s scully.

but anyway. i LOVE it. scully had to earn mulder’s trust, but she always had his respect. it’s ove of things about mulder i truly love. he’s more trusting than he tries to let on. so really, it’s kind of just a show. but he did have reasons not to trust her. he fully knew why she was assigned to the x files. but truly — what was he going to do once he met her? respect was instant. before meeting her even, when he read her thesis (or whatever it was lol). the trust did take some time, but it starts immediately.

at the beginning, they shared very little personal information unless it was relevant or during some vulnerable moments. i think the reason for some of those boundaries is professionalism & a healthy distance. but the longer they’re partners, the more they go through together / see the other go through, as their mission becomes personal in ways they weren’t prepared for, the closer they get & as their bond grows (scully’s abduction, donnie pfaster, that pedophile, melissa, scully’s cancer, losing their parents, everything about samantha, and on & on) — they still hold up those barriers. calling each other mulder & scully is their thing. they like the person they are with & to each other. it helps protect their partnership.

*and* i think they both had past work relationships where they made the mistake of letting it get personal too fast. diana, jack?? (i’m bad at names lol) and neither of them wanted this partnership to follow that route. the distance was purposeful; to protect themselves and their partnership. before they even knew where this journey would take them. and maybe because they took those precautions yet didn’t shy away from each other — they were vulnerable with each other (starting in the pilot), they argued & debated constantly (about the work & their beliefs i mean), and they really got to know each other. slow & steady. in ways no other person knew them except each other. the way their minds worked, every weakness & insecurity they had. and every strength made stronger because of the other.

and it’s the way mulder only uses dana when it’s personal, not professional. when he’s trying to reach her as a friend, someone who cares about her, and not “just” her work partner. and scully does the same, though much more rarely especially after the first time she tried and he was a liar (tooms. he fucking lied 😂 and why? except to keep this fake distance & protect himself/her).

every step of their relationship was hard fought for and achingly intentional. and still, i don’t think they could have predicted their trajectory. way they became each other’s person in every way they possibly could.

mulder & scully. the two idiots trying to protect themselves and focus on the work and the way they ultimately failed in so many ways yet were more successful than they could have imagined.

[blurrycow]

Hargreeves Analysis (3/7: less than halfway done!)

Tagging my faves: @jbd302020, @conchshell, @stupidcanofpeaches, @assaily! Y’all are my tua FAM

Allison Hargreeves

Allison Hargreeves. Now THIS is the character I wish got more screen time. She’s so underrated! Of course, she is also kind of an idiot (for dating her hunk of a brother, Mr Monkey Man) but she, like the others, were heavily influenced and manipulated by her father. That last sentence is in no way connected to what I was saying about the incest. Unfortunately, there’s really no excuse for that. You love who you love, but jeez; sweet home alaBAMA.

Allison is really so complex. This may just derive from my crush on Emmy Raver Lampman (no shame, she’s gorgeous, what can I say) but she feels like a very true and genuine character to me. Crazy, I know; especially because she’s the liar. And honestly, this has influenced her growth and personality so much.

Allison feels like she must cover up everything with lies. No one will like her true self, so she uses her power to manipulate people into liking her (e.g., Patrick) which is just sad. Her entire life is a fake, and that scares her. She’s the Rumor, famous but unknowable, only heard by tabloids and news gossip stories.

Onto Claire, who is the one of the only people Allison loves truly and genuinely, and even she has been changed by her voice. How many times of “I heard a rumor that you didn’t cry” and “I heard a rumor that you would listen to me” does it take for someone to lose themself? Allison is so wrapped up and encased in her lies she can’t tell what morals are good and bad. She doesn’t even have morals anymore, and that’s where the line is crossed.

Also, I wish she and Five would get more screen time, because they are the dynamic fucking duo

Conclusion: sorry this is shorter but I wrote it over the span of several hours just staring at my notes app. Anyway, Allison is seriously flawed and wrapped up in a sense of right and wrong, because what is right and wrong really, but eventually she decides to not use her power and try to live a life without lies, which honestly takes a lot of strength to step away from that kind of power and you know what? I’m proud of her.

[smol-and-grumpy]

Legally Yours - Ch. 06

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: Dean Winchester tops the list of hottest entrepreneurs 2020 and yet, there’s still something he wants but can’t have because, in order to get that, he would have to settle down and get married. She agrees too quickly because she wants to secure a more comfortable life for her and her daughter. Will she be able to help Dean get what he wants without losing herself in the fake story they spin up to deceive his father and the world?

Chapter Warnings: The dinner is coming up and there’s a little flangst. Also, they are still two stubborn idiots.

WC: 3779

Beta’d by: @deanwanddamons​​​​​​ <3

Series Masterlist ~ SPN Masterlist

It feels like she’s been sitting down for ages and she’s worried about Bobby and Liv. Sure enough, Sam sensed her worries and texted her that they are both being taken care of. So at least there’s that. 

Pamela made her slip into the sequin dress after her shower and the woman put some makeup on her face.

“Not too much, okay?” Y/N says, just making sure because she still wants to be herself after all.

The brown haired woman chuckles, “Don’t worry, babe, I’ll just turn up the volume a little, you’re fine the way you are. You have a cute face, don’t want to hide that below too much make up anyway,”

With careful strokes, Pamela shows her how she can apply it herself for her next outings and yeah, Y/N can’t say that she doesn’t like that. Because it seems hideous to always have a stylist at hand, no? She didn’t sign up for this crap.

When Pamela is done, she leaves with a contented smile on her face and Y/N walks over to the floor lengths mirror that’s attached to her closet to catch her own reflection. She wears heels, has to still get used to it because they are way higher than the ones she wears for work. Apparently being fake engaged to Dean Winchester comes with a sacrifice of her feet. 

Her eyes trail up her body from her shoes to her face and it’s weird because she thought that she’d probably not be able to recognize the women who will be staring back at her, but she does. Pamela was true to her word, she just really turned up the volume to Y/N’s boring self. 

Okay, now is the time to present herself, she guesses. Sam had said that they’re waiting in the study. She’s yet to find out where it is, though. 

Sticking her tongue out at her own reflection, she starts to chuckle. She’s living the life she never thought she’d get to experience and god, she hopes she won’t lose herself in it.

With a last look around her new room, she makes her way to Dean’s study.

  Dean makes his way into his study after having rushed home after the meeting to take a shower. He had been sweating bullets since this morning and it was refreshing to say the least. It would have been better if his dick wasn’t half hard when he thought about Y/N. He didn’t rub himself off, didn’t let himself go there and jerk off to the image of a girl he paid to pretend to be his fake fiancée. He was afraid that it would uncover things he didn’t need in his life right now. 

So, when he pushes the door to his study open, his dick is still semi but Dean thinks it’ll go away soon. Especially when he thinks about the dinner with his dad because that meeting is what nightmares are made of.

Sam’s already waiting on the couch, nursing a drink. He probably had a rough day as well and Dean can’t blame him. He walks over to his mini bar, pours himself two fingers of whisky and sits down with a grunt across from Sam.

“Go on,” Dean says, “I know you have a lot to say,”

The other man just chuckles, “She’s cute and pretty, you didn’t mention that,”

“Is she?” Dean cocks an eyebrow and takes a sip from his drink, “You’re right, I didn’t.”

“You like her, don’t you?”

“Sam,” Dean snorts out the man’s name, “I don’t even know her. She was in the right place at the right time,”

“You were never a good liar. I could always see through you.”

Dean frowns, “What do you mean?”

The other man chuckles as he takes a sip and lets the liquid travel down his throat, “You could have chosen anyone for that. The execs in your meetings, the ones working just below you, yet, you picked her.”

“Are you trying to go anywhere with this?” Dean asks with clear irritation in his voice. 

“Wait for it,” Sam says before he takes another gulp of the brown liquid in his glass and Dean rolls his eyes. Sam grins before he goes on, “All our lives, you have never picked a girl, Dean. Mostly they offer themselves to you, even back at school, do you remember?”

Oh, yeah, he does remember. Sam’s not wrong, but still.

“They offer and present themselves to you or your father picks them for you to bring along to social events and most of the time, you’re a one date kinda guy. You never ever picked one on your own.”

“You say it like women are something you find in a field,”

“Am I wrong?” Sam raises an eyebrow to match Dean’s, “Fact is, you picked out Y/N, even though you could have waited. You could have talked things through with me, wait until Carmen gets back and we could have come up with a plan. You know that she isn’t in for you either, she’s signed a contract and was willing to sign that prenup.”

“I didn’t want to wait for Carmen to come back to me,” Dean’s voice is stern. He really didn’t, he didn’t want people to think he let it slide when she’s been cheating on him. How will it make him look? He’s not a fucking idiot.

“I’m just saying that you’re being hot headed doesn’t help us at all. And the fact is still there that you’ve picked her and that means something in my book,”

“What stupid books are you reading?”

Sam chuckles and ignores Dean’s remark, “Carmen boarded the next plane back, by the way,”

Dean takes a sip from his drink, thinks about Sam’s words, “You can tell her that she doesn’t need to show up. I’m not taking her back when I have Y/N,”

The other man’s grinning from ear to ear and Dean rolls his eyes a second time, “And no, I don’t really like her. I barely know her. I just find her interesting, is all. She’s different to all the women I’ve ever met.”

There’s a laugh coming out of Sam and Dean scoffs annoyingly. 

Just when Dean wants to open his mouth to tell Sam to shut the fuck up, there’s a knock at the door. 

They both turn their heads to see Y/N open the door to his study. Dean feels a rush of blood to his head. How long has she been standing outside? How much did she hear? But before he can think about being more embarrassed, another punch knocks him out when he sees her walking in with her beautiful dress. 

“Sorry,” She says, “Am I interrupting?”

Dean has to clear his throat before he’s able to speak, “No, you didn’t. Come in,”

She nods and walks further into the room. She looks absolutely stunning, a really stark contrast to the look when he met her. It’s not that she was ugly before, she wasn’t — isn’t. He can see that she only wears minimal makeup.

“How do I look?” She asks with a smile as she twists around in her dress and somehow Dean wishes that Sam wasn’t here to see her like this.

“You do clean up nicely,” It slips out of Dean. 

Clean up nicely? What the fuck did he just say? Who says that?

“You look beautiful, Y/N,” Sam chimes in to probably play off the stupidity that Dean just let slip out of his mouth and Dean sends him a grim look. 

But it doesn’t stop there because Sam ignores Dean’s look to wink at her. He’s a little irritated by it, to say the least. 

“So, Y/N,” Sam says, “Do you care to tell me how you two met?”

“Sam, aren’t you late for your appointment?” Dean interrupts.

Sam looks at him puzzled and it takes another two seconds until he catches on, “Oh, yeah. It was a pleasure to meet you, Y/N. I’m looking forward to working with you because you’re a delight,”

The tall man stands up and takes Y/N’s hand, places a kiss on the back of it before he leaves and Dean tries his best not to let the feeling of jealousy hit him. He doesn’t know why he should feel jealous anyway. There’s nothing to be jealous about. It’s a business deal. He should be used to it, right? Right.

“My father will arrive in thirty minutes,” Dean says drily, his throat restricting the longer she looks at him. 

“Is there anything I need to know before you feed me to him?”

Dean lets out a small snort, “I’m not feeding you to him. I’m there too and can help out. When I think of it, maybe it’ll be good if we could establish the story of how we met.”

“Oh, I know!” Y/N shrieks out and gets all excited. Dean thinks it’s really cute. “How about I got into the elevators so quick which made you spill the coffee you’re holding over your shoes and pants? Like, the story is really partially true and it would be less hard for me to make it sound trustworthy,”

“Go on,” Dean nods his head, and empties his glass before he sets it down on the table before him. 

Her long legs and the away she sits doesn’t help his state of mind. The dress has ridden up on the couch and Dean tries to look anywhere other than at that exposed flesh that he’d like to sink his teeth into.

“I was afraid that you’d be mad at me so I offered to buy you a coffee to make up for it, but you didn’t want that because you were late to a meeting. But I was persistent and waited in front of the door and asked you so many times if you wanted a coffee and to please let me make up for ruining your suit. And somehow you agreed, maybe just to shut me up. We went on a coffee date every day until we fell in love.”

After her story, she smiled satisfactorily. The smile of a winner if he ever did see one. One he shows too often after a done deal. 

“I don’t really have time for coffee dates,” Dean adds his two cents, knowing that it doesn’t sound quite nice but he just can’t help himself. That’s the way he is. The way people expect him to be.

There’s a little pout on her lips, and Dean’s not prepared for that because it looks too cute, “I mean do you have a better idea?”

“No,” Dean shakes his head, “I like it, I never said I didn’t,”

“Good, but I’ll let you come up with your proposal story, okay? I feel like I can’t pick my brain anymore than I already have. It has been a long day.”

“Right,” He stands up and pats his thighs, buttons up his suit jacket too because he thinks it hides his more than semi hard dick pretty well, “Wait here, I’ll be right back,”

  Dean leaves the door open and Y/N can hear his heels clicking on the stone flooring until the sound is out of earshot. She wonders what he’s up to, feels a little nervous about it.

While Dean’s gone, she gets up from the couch and looks around the room. The study is spacious, like every room in this ridiculously big penthouse, she guesses. There’s a desk at the far wall, a bookshelf graces the other wall. It’s full of books. She wonders if Dean really reads. It doesn’t seem like he has the time to do so. She wonders if he relaxes at all because he seems so tense all the time. Maybe he only tenses up when he’s around her, at least she can’t help to feel this way.

There’s the group of sofas where she was sitting on but right by the floor to ceiling window is another sofa that looks out over the city. She wonders why that is because the sofa seems a bit out of place. 

Standing by the window, she’s looking out over the city, the people and cars seem so small from up here. She doesn’t dare to touch the glass though in fear that she’d leave handprints all over it. Dean probably won’t be happy about that.

She’s lost in thought, wondering over and over again if she had made the right choice. It was a spur of the moment thing. She does a lot of those, like the time she hooked up with Jimmy for the first time. They were at a frat party and she knew him from her communications class. She let him drive her home, even though he was definitely not fit enough to drive but her head was spinning and she might have had a couple of drags of a joint too many. They didn’t even make it into her apartment, fucked right in the backseat, not worrying about contraception. 

By the time she knew she was pregnant, it was too late to abort, and honestly, she wouldn’t know if she would have. It’s not the baby’s fault. She and Jimmy tried to make it work, even though he was always suspicious if the baby was really his. Jimmy’s parents were loaded and he had a bigger apartment close to campus, funded by his parents. She moved in there because his parents wanted it that way, not because he did. While Jimmy was still enrolled and finished his degree, she dropped out to care for their baby. He eventually graduated but stayed in college to pursue his Master's degree. 

When Liv was four, Y/N wanted to try her chance at the job market as well, but Jimmy was against it. His parents were too, apparently, because they said that she wouldn’t be able to give their grandchild a good future and they wouldn’t stand to have their name dragged into this. She fought tooth and nail to keep Liv and changed the child's name back to her own. And after a long fight, they eventually agreed that she would take Liv, and Jimmy was not to pay a single dime. 

Getting out of the abusive and loveless relationship was probably the best decision of her life up until that point. Jimmy drank a lot and was overall not happy. He would lash out at her and she didn’t know why she stayed. Maybe there was a shred of hope that she desperately tried to cling on to. 

So, when she moved out, she stayed with Bobby for a while until she found the job in Dean’s company, and then it went pretty quick. She and Olivia moved into their own apartment.

A year later, she heard the news that Jimmy’s parents went bankrupt and Jimmy was trying to hold himself above water after he developed a drinking problem. Apparently, Karma’s right there helping her. 

She’s so deep in her thoughts that she doesn’t notice Dean returning, only realizes it when a figure is standing behind her. Startled, she jumps a little as she turns around. 

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” He mumbles as he steps closer to the window to stand next to her and they look out of the window together. It’s romantic, she thinks, with the backdrop of the city, especially at night.

Looking over to Dean again, she notices him holding a velvet box in his hand and smirks, “Is that a ring, loverboy?” 

Dean sends her a look accompanied by a little frown. Something that says, I have heard it but I won’t say anything because it’s stupid. Well, he might not be wrong.

“Sorry,” She breathes out, “I told you I tend to babble when I’m nervous,”

He sighs and lifts his eyebrow before he opens up the box and it is as if the air has been punched out of her lungs. 

“Wow,”

The ring is absolutely beautiful.

Dean smirks and clears his throat before he speaks, “It used to be my mother’s,”

It wasn’t like all the engagement rings Y/N’s seen that the rich and famous women are wearing nowadays. This one is modest, might even be boring and too normal compared to those. The ring has a bigger round diamond in the middle, with two smaller accompanying stones on its side. It’s a gold color ring too, not white gold like they usually are. It looks special and it looks like it has more sentimental value around it than monetary value. Maybe that’s also why she thinks it’s so precious.

“Dean, I can’t possibly wear this ring,” She says, but his hand already goes to her left one, grabbing it and holding it up to slip the ring on her finger.

He pauses to look at the ring, smiles as he sees how it fits. How did it fit anyway? How is that even possible? 

“I was right with the measurement,” Dean chuckles and she thinks that he wants to turn away, but he’s still standing here holding her hand, “I want you to wear it whenever you’re with me, okay?”

She can not do anything else but nod.

“I proposed to you on this rooftop, overlooking the city,” He says and it takes her a while to realize that he’s talking about his proposal story that he’s suggesting.

“Right,” She bites her lips and looks down to the ring briefly before she looks up to meet his eyes again. They are glistening a little, and there’s a hint of a smirk on his face. Right here by the window, his freckles are prominent on his face. 

Y/N’s distracted, feels the urge to count them.

“We were alone and we just had a meal. It was a warm summer night and we took our desserts on the terrace,”

She can picture it clearly and her heart starts to beat faster. 

“I didn’t prepare a speech,” Dean clears his throat, and adds, “And the things I said weren’t particularly romantic,”

“It didn’t matter, because I know that you feel more comfortable showing your actions rather than using your words,” She chimes in, “There’s no romance needed, no sappy words, because you already show me enough how much you love me,”

There’s a sparkle in his eyes after she said it. Somehow she thinks it’s fondness, but then something changes and he avoids her eyes. Instead, he looks down to the hand that’s still holding hers. His cheeks are tinted pink. It’s totally cute how embarrassed he gets. 

“So,” Dean swallows, “The contract says that we don’t touch each other more than necessary, especially not in private. But since my dad will be here, we will probably need to keep up the illusion, don’t you think?”

“Dean, the only one who seems to be uneasy and flinches at my touches is you,”

The pink in his cheeks rises up to his ears, “Yeah, I’ll try to change, okay?”

“I want you to feel comfortable. And please know that you touching me doesn’t bother me. I’m not disgusted or disturbed by it, okay?”

He nods, “I’m not—” He starts, but stops to exhale, and then he tries again, “I’m not disgusted by your touches, I just need to relax, I guess,”

“What would help you relax?” She asks and she means it. Maybe she can help. 

“It would help if I knew that I didn’t pay you,” He chuckles drily, “Dad will be here soon so let’s get this over with,” He pulls her along to the door and her grip tightens around his hand. 

She’s so fucking nervous.

“What if he hates me?” She whispers just before they reach the door and Dean turns around, places a hand where her shoulder meets her neck.

“My father wouldn’t like you even if it was real. He has high standards,”

“That’s fucking reassuring, thanks,” 

Dean chuckles, “It doesn’t matter what he thinks, okay?” He rubs along her arm with his other hand, “Can you pretend to love me for a while, Y/N?” 

“It depends,” She says with a shrug and his eyes widen. She smirks then to ease the situation because he obviously doesn’t get the joke. “Can you pretend that I’m the only thing that keeps you going? Pretend that I’m your first thought when you wake up and the last before you fall asleep, Dean? It’s more challenging for you with the array of women you’ve dated,”

He smiles crookedly, and there’s that glint in his eyes again, “Oh, sweetheart, I’m not worried about my end of the bargain,”

Her face feels hot all of a sudden but she frowns after she catches herself, “Of course you’re not because you have nothing to lose,”

The frown on Dean’s face matches hers from before, “What are you talking about?”

“Yeah well, if I screw this up, I will lose my job and a steady income but you?” She pokes at his chest with her index finger, “You, Mister, will probably get a lecture from your dad, but you’ll be back to dating super rich women and beautiful models, and you can go on with your life as if nothing happened.”

Dean chuckles and he looks kind of amused? Which is not fair at all when she’s all worked up.

He pushes both his hands into his pants pockets, balances back and forth on his heels before he leans down to be on her level, brings down the air with him and she can smell his cologne. It’s intoxicating. 

“Tell you what,” Dean smirks, “If this blows up because of me, if they should see through me or if anyone should question my feelings for you, I’ll buy you an apartment and I’ll help you secure a job. I have connections. Somewhere where no one knows that you were being engaged to me. But,” He darts his tongue out, licks over his lips and she bites down on her own because she knows exactly how they feel, “If you make a mistake and it blows up because of you, sweetheart,” He makes a pause and stands back straight.

“I have nothing you’d want,” She shakes her head.

“There’s something,” He shrugs and he says it so easily too. She can’t help but frown in confusion.

“What?”

“If it blows up because of you, Y/N. If you fail to convince the world how much you love me,” He grins, and the grin grows cocky, “You’ll marry me,”

Ch. 07

Please share your thoughts with me, I’d love to hear your feedback.

[gralunaisland]

gray uses his advance version of iced shell after his fight with juvia as a way to 'redeem' himself for trying to kill natsu in his grief stricken state over her death. It's character assassination in its ugliest form which all started thanks to his fight with juvia. It was funny to see pros try and salvage it all from defending why it totally makes sense for gray to kill natsu and that the iced shell meant nothing as mashima didn't care about continuity (like that was some kind of positive).

Ah, I'm not sure if you're the same person who brought up iced shell earlier, (I'm guessing not because they capitalized the names, and you didn't here) but thank you nonetheless for clarifying when Gray attempted it again during Alvarez!

Yikes, that just doesn't make sense. As if killing himself would fix anything! And how about he not go crazy with grief over a woman who harasses him at every chance she gets, so crazy that he tries to kill his best friend?? I really feel sorry for Gray; he's got Stockholm Syndrome bad.

And you bring up a fantastic point, Anon!

I kinda just talked about this on my last ask, and I agree with you wholeheartedly. "Character assassination" is the perfect way to put it. Mashima really had to reduce Gray down sooo far in order to make him fit juvia. There was always the option to NOT shove him into this extremely toxic ship, Mashima!!

Mashima’s treatment of Gray whenever it has something to do with gr///via is the death of Gray’s character. That just shows Pros don’t care about Gray whatsoever because they’re perfectly happy to have him trashed as a character as long as he and juvia end up together.

I haven't seen the Pros trying to salvage the ending of FT myself, but I bet it was just plain sad. Are they really going to try to argue that Gray should definitely have tried to kill Natsu? Wow, they really don't care for anyone but juvia don't they.

As I was writing this, actually, I looked up the reason he tried to kill Natsu to get some objective facts on the matter, and of course what came up first was a post doing just what you said, trying to justify Gray's actions. Duh of course they would defend him because they claim he "lost his emotional rock, and the person he loved most", aka juvia????

Ohhh I want to hurl at that so badly.

That's such baloney, especially because, at that time, it was before Mashima turned him into juvia-loving zombie, when he'd literally just said he'd "take her feelings more seriously". Excuse me, if he hadn't been taking her feelings seriously since then, then how the frick did he love her the most??? That person had the audacity to claim she was the reason he was healing, which still doesn't make any sense, because again, he'd only considered her one big uncomfy joke up to that point. Oh my gosh, the delusions of some of the Pros are just as bad as juvia's, so no wonder they relate to her and project themselves onto her.

Then this person continues on saying Natsu is a liar and a fake, as if it's his fault even though he had no idea he was END?? And apparently Gray "had nothing else to lose", as if he doesn't have a huge, loving family back at Fairy Tail (though sometimes I question that because no one backs him up when juvia harasses him). At the very least he loves them, so no, that excuse does not land at all.

Hahh, enough of my ranting. Reading that post really just boiled my blood. I warn Antis about reading it.

Back to what you were saying, it's funny that they claim Mashima's lack of care for continuity is a virtue and a good reason Gray acts like an idiot during the Alvarez arc. The people who say that really just want to paint anything remotely related to gr///via in the best light even if it doesn't make any sense, don't they? Really disappointing.

[lover-of-trash-and-people]

shadow and bone rewatch s1e6 while drinking mid-range scotch

I wish I have a face that is as unlined and pretty as Ben Barnes' when I'm 39

Arken you dirty dirty liar

the face Alek is making at his lies that he knows are lies firstly because he knows the art of lying so well and also because he can read people very well

okay Ivan is kind of a bad bitch with his smirk at Arken's lies

alek's eyes narrowing and his little smile when Arken says 'im an entertainer' bitch I love this show

*grabs hand, pulls up sleeve, and discovers Arken's hand is full of marks indicating successful passages through the fold* 'well, that is certainly entertaining' I love this man with all my heart

him screaming is so fucking hot, is that weird for me to say

Nina being the Darkling's spy is quite interesting

Ben giving the Darkling crazy eyes when Arken owns up to his guilt is so cool

also wtf is Arken a fool trying to negotiate with possibly the strongest man in the world

kind of loved the darkness literally eating him

also love Alina learning to use her powers better when she is alone than when she is with anyone else, wish we got to see the cut in this season as per the books, ah can't have everything I guess

the camera pan to Jesper's gun at his side, amazing

god Jessie is literally so beautiful I need to see her bring Alina to the peak of her power so bad

netflix you better renew this series to let the plot run to its completion

HOW THE FUCK DID THEY CAST THE CROWS SO PERFECTLY

INEJ FUCKING TREMBLING JUST THE TINIEST BIT AS SHE BOWS SLIGHTLY TO ALINA SGSHSBSJJSJSSJ MY TWO QUEENS

'And where is my Summoner?' my little Darklina heart ouchie I really wish you hadn't used and manipulated her like this Alek it was incredibly fucked up especially considering you actually caught feelings

'Ivan and I won't fail you' oh Fedyor my baby, my angel, you don't deserve what is coming

Helnik literally recreating Titanic lmao stop this is a joke

I too would jump off the raft if I came to consciousness to see a gorgeous woman with magical powers with her hand on my back

omg but why is ryevost so pretty though

'I know exactly how she felt. The King's soldiers treated me the same way... I'm not myself today.' why must you do this to me, why must you fuel my darklina soulmates agenda idiocy

I don't quite think I have a problem with the Zoya Darkling relationship as much as I have a problem with the line they chose to reveal it to use with.

my drink's over and I don't know if I should have another, considering that it's 7 am

the tenderness with which he looks at Zoya and takes her hand and then when he says 'I shall relax when I have Alina' makes me believe more that the man that is reduced to tears time and again in front of Alina could in fact be the master manipulator I know him to be

god I can't wait for Zoya's character arc

'I speak six languages, it's part of my job' why is Nina literally the fucking coolest

Alina blinding the oprichniki was so hot, I can't wait to see more of her power and her ruthlessness

I know I've said it before but good god is Jessie Mei Li gorgeous

HER LITTLE SMILE AMONGST ALL THE PANIC AS SOON AS SHE SEES MAL, THE AUDACITY OF THIS SHOW TO MAKE ME FEEL THIS WAY

THE SCORE COMING IN AT THE RIGHT MOMENT, THEIR HANDS MEETING, HER SMILE AGAIN DHDHSBSNSNSNSNAN IM IN PAIN

REALLY?! YOU'RE GONNA GO DIRECTLY FROM MALINA TO HELNIK WITH NO CONCERN FOR MY HEART?

I simply cannot get over Calahan's accent lmao it's really funny

'im not afraid of you' he says to the insanely gorgeous girl with magic

HIM HANGING HIS HEAD IN DEFEAT TO INDICATE NINA HAS MADE VALID POINTS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND I CAN'T BREATHE

'You're just a man. Like all the others.' she says and then forgets her train of thought looking at him as he strips. god I love this

not sleeping all night and then scotch is not a good idea, I think

'I promise not to ravish you' 'I hate the way you talk' her hand on his chest, his hand gripping hers, my fucking heart feels like it's about to explode

good god these shooting locations and sets are so beautiful

Alina throwing the flask at Mal and Mal going 'OI!' I fucking can't, I guess I am a

simp for childhood friends to lovers, give me more of that banter and childhood friend energy, I am thriving

wow it literally seems like they took book! Mal sl*tshaming book! Alina and made show! Alina sl*tshame show! Mal, hmm, interesting

'They would have split us up!' MAL'S LITTLE SMILE AT THIS, and the 'You wrote me letters?' Mal's nod, the Malina yearning stare, the Malina hug, 'thank you for finding me' 'always. I'll always find you.' NO MALINA YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU HAVE MADE ME ABSOLUTELY FUCKING FERAL

I understand they had to split time between my ravkan babies and the crows and that is why there were several aspects that were sort of not reflected on enough but Alina's training at the Little Palace, Alina's cut, Mal's personality, a teensy bit of backstory for the crows, maybe one lockpicking scene from my boy Kaz

random note: we have far too many idols and paintings and pictures and whatnot of Hindu deities in our house apart from the specially designed temple (we are Hindus, so maybe it's not that weird but it's a little weird)

Kaz's cane is a literal star, it's so beautiful my heart wants to explode

'Why would Heleen get the Crow Club?' *literally fucking gets up and walks aways instead of answering the fucking question* I LITERALLY CAN'T BREATHE I'M LOSING MY MIND

'I know that voice' WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO MAKE ME FIGHT FOR PLATONIC SHIPS IN FANDOMS

'We won't starve' omg get you someone who packs food for you when you go on the run together hiding from your ex who wants to capture you and use your powers as a weapon against your consent

Mal looking surprised at her summoning sunlight, Alina looking cautiously at him waiting for him to disapprove or run for the hills in fear or smth like that, 'I'm sorry it took me this long to see you... But I see you now' my dumb little shipper trash heart ouch

they really said we're gonna feed you this part asian couple as the protagonists in this show in 2021 and guess what I'm eating it's really tasty I'm very satisfied as a south asian

NINA'S LITTLE SMILE WHEN MATTHIAS WAKES UP WITH HIS ARM AROUND HER

'I can feel how much you hate sleeping next to me' 👀👀👀 BITCH SAID IMMA SPILL THE TEA AND THEN SHE DID

it's 8 am and guess what I'm getting another drink my parents have c*vid and are in govt qu*r*ntine centres there is nobody to supervise or stop me

I too say 'Why do you have to say things like that?' to my pretty crush when she flirts with me

Nina smiling at Matthias bragging about his conservative ways is my aesthetic

'No, it's not natural for someone to be as stupid as he is tall and yet, oh, there you stand.' MY FUCKING QUEEN

Matthias laughing uncontrollably at Nina saying something which isn't even that funny is a whole ass vibe

Kaz Brekker saying 'The Black General' ooh fuck yeah

YESSSS STEP OUT OF THAT CARRIAGE ALL SEXY BLACK GENERAL

isn't alcohol supposed to like kill germs? well, the amount in my system definitely will

I love my crows so much (always but this time particularly for setting that alarm in the stolen carriage)

ooh Polina recognising Inej by the knife yesss let's go writers

this Ivan Jesper showdown is all I needed from life and yet did not know about

Ivan taking off his cloak was, um, sexier than I wanted it to be

I just realised how thirsty I am going to sound in this post

'Has no one told you that keftas are Fabrikator-made and resistant to bullets, hmm?' 'Oh, I do love a challenge' LITERALLY EVERYTHING

im sorry to be pointing out flaws in a perfect show and adaptation but the line delivery on 'You robbed me of my brother, now I'll rob you of your life' from Polina was kind of weak

'You're a-' *gets knocked out with the back of a gun* LMAO we love the hints

got excited at the prospect of kaz v. zoya until I realised they will not be letting the opportunity of kaz v. darkling pass up

my goodness is Amita Suman a splendid actress

I AM NOT KIDDING WHEN I TELL YOU I SQUEALED WHEN I SAW DARKLES EMERGE OUT OF THE SHADOWS IN FRONT OF MY BABY BOY KAZ

THERE BEING ACTUAL FEAR OR ATLEAST DOUBT ON KAZ'S FACE, THE LITTLE BACK STEPS AS

THE DARKLING WALKS TOWARDS HIM, AAAAH I CAN'T

THE DARKLING STOPPING AT KAZ SAYING 'SHE FLED ON HER OWN' AND THE HINT OF TEARS THAT WE SEE IN HIS EYES

'IT WAS PRETTY CLEAR SHE WASN'T INTERESTED IN BEING A CAPTIVE ANYMORE' YOU TELL HIM, KING

*ACTUAL FUCKING TEARS IN THE DARKLING'S EYES AS THE SHADOWS APPROACH*

NOT ME YOWLING LIKE A HYENA THAT THIS CHILD OUTSMARTED THE MOST POWERFUL MAN IN EXISTENCE WITH A FAKE MAGIC TRICK

'Are you sure you added enough cloves?' literally warranting a wide ass smile from my queen Alina making my entire fucking day

for some reason, no matter how much I push it from my mind, Ben Barnes dressed up as the Darkling, dancing to 'push it' keeps coming to mind, it's absolutely ridiculous

I got somehow distracted with interviews but good things came out of that as it gave my body the time for the booze to kick in

and I would just like to say that I love Leigh for all she has given me

Alina is so fucking compassionate, I have no much love for her. I can feel her guilt and her sorrow as Mal talks of Mikhail and Dubrov

don't particularly like how the stag plotline is woven in, could have been executed better

'You're afraid you might start to like me?' *flaps furs like a bird's wings in frustration*

'I DO like you' my fucking heart you idiots

the sexual tension is so palpable and the moment is so intimate I simply cannot

OMG SHE FUCKING FELL

that moment where you think he might let her fall despite having read the books and he doesn't and he tells her his name I- <3

YOU DARE TRANSITION FROM A HELNIK SCENE TO A KANEJ SCENE YOU REALLY HAVE NO MERCY FOR MY HEART HUH

people have talked about this endlessly but Freddie's little jaw tic after he says Inej because Inej is wounded and he can't physically bring himself to help her I fucking cannot

THE MUSIC PICKING UP AS KAZ LOOKS TO THE DARKLING'S CARRIAGE I CAN'T WITH THIS SHOW ANYMORE

and now for one of my favorite scenes in television and cinematic history, David Kostyk throwing a book at Jesper Fahey without even knowing who he is merely because he opens the door of his carriage and says hello to him before getting knocked out by Kaz Brekker while trying to run away

Immediately followed by another, the scene with David Kostyk raising his finger to put forward his point in front of the Darkling and the Darkling trying to let him know he doesn't have to before obliging is one of my favourite scenes in the world

also sir please stop being devastatingly attractive in your glorious appearance with your face and your black kefta and cloak because all that comes to mind is Ayesha Erotica's Emo Boy and I'm afraid that is terribly inappropriate.

'No, you look great.' *literally looks down from embarrassment or blushing* MALINA RIGHTS?

THE LOOK ON THE DARKLING'S FACE BEFORE HE SAYS 'NO ORDINARY TRACKER, NO ORDINARY GIRL' BITCH IM OUT OF BREATH

'ORPHANS OF KERAMZIN, REUNITED.' 'ADORABLE.' HE FUCKING SNEERED IRL I FUCKING CANNOT

GOD IT'S SO GOOD

[herstarburststories]

The devil at your door

Kinktober day 3: Demon

Suptober day 3: Demonic

Pairing: Demon!Dean x reader

A/N: This one goes for @holylulusworld's 10k celebration, my trope was Lovers to Enemies. Congrats again, hon! And this is also my piece for @hardcoresupernatural 's Halloween challenge with the prompt: I'm not scared of you.

@deanmonandnegansbitch's asked: Deanmon x Reader, he realizes no one could tame the marks hunger like she did. And yet he lost her by sticking his dick in other women

Warnings: dirty talk, mentions of boob fucking, hints of dark sexual, angst if you squint, teasing

CATCH UP KINKTOBER: Day 1 / Day 2

Spending his whole life in imaginary chains had frustrated Dean Winchester more than he was aware of. He’d always done what his dad taught him; kept himself from what he wanted in order to be the good soldier — the hero — even if it was against his own desires. 

Dean saved the world once or twice and didn't get a thank you, a break long enough to relax or even visit the beach for the first time. No, hunters were never kids. Hunters never had time for fun. Hunters were made to be hunting. He always found himself fighting winless battles and ending up drowned in whiskey and self-pity.

Now it was all gone. His old persona never had time to be human, so losing that side of him wasn't a big deal. If anything, he felt better now. Whatever his green eyes wanted, Dean would go and get it.

No barbed ward could contain a demon, much less the Knight.

At first, it was funny. Messing around with Crowley, fucking some good, new pussies after tasting only yours, and causing destruction whenever he felt like it.

Then the thrill expired. Honestly, the Winchester pictured it would last longer. Crowley started bitching around like a whiny little man and the new girls no longer could satisfy him — that is, if they ever did. Dean was pretty sure he liked them so much because the cat and mouse play of finding a new toy, but at some point, the cat gets enough of the foreplay and wants to eat the prey. They were so boring in all their humanly forms: they didn't have his stamina, they didn’t know his sweet spots, and they didn’t enjoy all the mischievous things he wanted to do.

Only painting his knuckles with an aleatory idiot's blood could get a real smile out of him these days. Nonetheless, even throwing punches gets exhausting when they stop fighting back.

Where was the fun of being free?

It clicked him like one of the worst sounds of tortured souls screams; you. 

You used to be the wild in Dean's heart during hunter days. You knew all the bad things he wanted to do, and you moaned in pleasure through them. You knew his body and yours like religion and shamelessly worshipped them.

When he finds himself at your door after leaving a woman who just wanted some vanilla sex in a cheap motel, it shouldn't have been a surprise. At least, it's not in his uniquely demonic brand of rationality. As you open the door, the look on your face tells him you agree with that. 

Or so his deranged mind said.

You crossed your arms, the angle exposing your cleavage more as you leaned against the rose-colored door that he helped you paint months ago.

Dean used to think this little apple pie life was so savage, something out of his reach that he’d only get to touch in case of a miracle, like caressing the fire only to get a feel for the burn. Now he can't help but scrunch up his nose, disgusted by domestic, urban pleasures.

“What do you want, Dean?” You looked him up and down, a humorless smile on your face. “Got tired of fucking everyone with a pair of boobs?”

“I'm more interested in your boobs, sweetheart.” Dean isn't put off by your sarcasm, countering with the same flirty tone that used to get you riled up all the time.

Isn't the past such a beautiful memory?

“Go find someone your species, Winchester.” You rolled your eyes and pulled away, pushing the door closed before Dean's foot interrupted you.

He faked a pout. “Wow. That's racist, Y/N. This demon’s got feelings, you know?”

His childish attitude heats your system. Only Dean, demon or not, could push your buttons and get on your nerves in a matter of seconds. You pushed the pink door fully open with enough strength to make it slam against the wall with a loud crack. Dean doesn't look affected, though. You furiously glare at his lopsided grin.

“Do you also have a brain? I told you to leave. Get lost.”

“Come on, baby girl. I know you miss my cock. What about a night to remember?”

Believing he was the man you once loved was getting harder with every word he said. Your body seemed to recognize him easier, aching for him like some kind of spell. All you had after Dean Winchester left was a longing body and fury.

“Do you really think I'm gonna let you in my house for a quick fuck like I'm one of your one night stands?”

Dean appeared to be considering it for a moment, eyes focused on anything but you. His lips pursed before he glanced at you with a malicious beam. “Yes. You always said I was the best sex you ever had. Why not get a bit of it? You already know you won't regret that, sweetheart.”

You studied him, picturing what would bring a man who ran away back to what used to be his home. Dean had left as soon as he became a demon, the only trace of his existence being a note addressed to Sam and pieces of your heart. When you and Sammy finally found the eldest Winchester, he made was certain to make sure that you were aware of his very active sex life. He’d tacked on that he'd kill Sam and you both if you tried to save him.

You let him run like water after this. The Winchesters might have that wondrous codependency, but you didn't need something like that in your life. Especially not with a demonic cheater and murder.

Your eyes were too wide to ignore the warning signs now. Yet, that didn't answer why he was in your doorway. If he wanted to be saved, he'd go for Sam and call you from there. If he wanted to kill you, he wouldn't spend time talking about fond memories. He didn't look like a lost puppy looking for shelter either. So, what the fuck was this green-eyed devil doing here?

Quietude thickened while you noticed Dean not seeming to notice your silence, his eyes too busy observing your breasts. Your Dean Winchester was always a boob man, and he was looking like he'd fuck your titties on your porch for all your neighbors to see. It certainly wouldn't be yours and his first time with public sex. Still, that wasn't the point: he was here, hair longer than usual and cock clearly starting to awaken in his jeans…

Because he had missed you.

You chortled in dismay, unable to discern whether he was kidding or not despite the bulge in his pants, and that glimmer in his eyes already confirmed your suspicions. You knew him.

The realization almost cheered up your soul. Your reasoning stopped you from collecting hopes about that demoniac form of a man. Dean was here for carnal desire, not love. He had sex with other women while you spent sleepless nights crying into his old shirts. He broke you as the monster that he was — he deserved to suffer.

You didn't care if your heart would be a little more broken, or you pussy a bit needier after that.

“You missed fucking me, Dean? Missed my tight pussy squeezing your cock? Maybe my mouth on it? Or how you got it between my boobs? Did you miss how I taste?” You took a step closer to him, making Dean lift his glare to your face again. 

He wore a cocky smirk as he answered, “Not as much as you missed me.”

Dean was right. Your body cried for him, and so did your soul. Who fucking cares? He didn't before, and you would not now.

“Liar.” The word rolled letter by letter off of your tongue. “I can take care of myself, even call a friend to do that, but you came back just because you can't forget how eating my pussy like a fucking feast feels like. Can you, sweetheart?”

You used that stupid nickname that he often gave people. You were very aware that it would irritate him, as it was laced with the implication of another man putting his hands on you.

Dean quickly grabbed your waist tightly, pulling you closer to him. He groaned. It was that fucking sound he made when something truly made him furious, and you knew your panties were gone. His eyes flashed into darkness that replaced his glistening greens, and for some calamitous reason, that turned you on.

“You better not have let anyone fuck what's mine, Y/N. I'd rip his throat in front of you and fuck you right next to his body,” he spits out jealously. His posture radiated that usual, alpha-esque tenseness that tumbled you two into angry, possessive sex so many times before.

“So jealous. I loved to tease you only to get you rough on me. Throwing me against the wall, going so hard inside my pussy that the bed broke, holding me hard enough to leave marks. You wanted for my bruises too, right? How I'd scratch your back, bite your collarbone, ruin your neck for everyone to see you were mine, but I guess what you really liked about me was that I was as hungry for you as you were for me. I would’ve let you do anything to my body, and I did. Because I wasn’t scared of you, Dean, and I’m not scared of you now either.” The way your arms compulsively wrapped around his neck made you wonder if you really wanted to strangle him or pull him closer. You could smell his manly cologne mixed with sulfur. It shouldn't make you want him more. Your knees shouldn't be begging to kneel for him and suck his cock. Be stronger. “You could come in, throw my clothes away and fuck my boobs with your dick instead of your eyes. Hurt me good enough to make me ask for more. But you know what?”

“Mm?” Dean's reply came in a hum as you pressed your hips against his, causing his clothed cock to rub on your belly. It was a tiny bit of relief — finally. He missed this so much: he couldn't wait to slip into your tight pussy.

“You won't.” Your lips brushed against his before you pulled away. His hands left your body from his surprise at your words. A wry smirk was wrung from your lips despite your wet pussy. “You stuck your dick into other women as soon as you became… whatever this is.” You scoffed, pointing at him with a feigned disgust in your eyes that you knew your body disagreed with. “Go have fun with your hand, Dean.”

A light rose painted door was ultimately closed in his face.

Leave a comment and reblog. Feedback is magic! Check my day 1&2 of kinktober and my masterlist ♡

Dean's sweetheart: @akshi8278 (dean taglist open)

Hunters: @demonhunterbarbie  @bi-danvers0 @emilyshurley @desimarie12 (spn taglist open)

KINKTOBER TAGLIST: @psych0crybaby (NEW&OPEN)

WANNA BE TAGGED? SEND ME AN ASK OR DM.

[aliciam72]

Just a quick Malex one shot before I go back to my Alien Baby WIP

A little warning that this isn’t exactly Forrest friendly even if it starts out as Forlex...

BULL RIDING FOR DUMMIES      

“Are you sure that thing is safe, DeLuca?” Michael asked after the rental company left the bar.

“Of course it’s safe. Why do you want to try it to make sure?” Maria teased, bringing a smile to his face.

Things between Michael and Maria had softened over the months since their breakup, much to Michael’s relief. “Nah, mechanical bulls ain’t my style. I’d much prefer the real thing.”

Maria scoffed. “You’ve ridden a real live bull?”

Michael nodded. “I tried my hand at it a few times. It was fun but not something I’d do for a living.” He leaned close and whispered. “Especially if I wasn’t a telekinetic alien.”

Maria threw her head back and laughed. “You couldn’t do it on your own, huh?”

Michael laughed with her. “Not a chance in hell. I did think about it for a hot minute though. Those boys make good money on the rodeo circuit, but even with the powers it was hard as hell. What made you rent one of these?”

“I heard it draws a crowd. This town has tons of macho cowboys trying to impress the ladies.” Maria joked.

“Well, I ain’t getting on it. I’ve got no one to impress.” 

“That’s too bad. I hear Alex is planning to be here.” Maria said over her shoulder on her way to the stockroom.

Michael followed her. “And why would that make a difference? He’s still with Forrest isn’t he?” Michael knew damn well that Alex was still dating Forrest, the whole damn town knew it but maybe something had happened since he saw Alex last. Very doubtful since he just saw him two days ago, but he could hope, right?

“Yes, he is still with Forrest but I don’t think it’s as serious as you make it out to be. Why don’t you come and see for yourself?”

“Nah, I don’t want to make things weird for him. I want him to be happy.” Michael wanted nothing more than to always be where Alex was, but he was trying to be a good friend and let him enjoy his relationship with Forrest. God knows he deserved some happiness after the events of the last year. 

“C’mon, Guerin, everyone is going to be here. And I know for a fact Alex would never want you to stay away just because of him and Forrest.” Maria handed him a case of whiskey and nodded to the bar. “Could you put that out there for me?”

She picked up a case of tequila and followed him out of the stockroom. He set the box behind the bar and leaned back. “You really think he won’t mind if I’m there?”

“He will not mind. He’s still your friend even if he’s dating someone else. Please come.” Maria assured him.

Michael nodded. “Okay, I’ll be here. It’s always a good laugh when some idiot thinks he can ride that thing on the red level.”

@@@

Watching people trying to impress their dates by riding the mechanical bull was pure entertainment gold. Michael sat with his friends and laughed and cheered along with everyone else. He had to admit he was having a good time, even if it seemed like Forrest was glued to Alex’s side, constantly giving him little kisses on his cheek and holding his hand on the table. 

Alex allowed it most of the evening but got annoyed when Forrest nuzzled into his neck more than once. He turned to Forrest and whispered low so no one else could hear. “Can you dial it back a bit. It’s making me uncomfortable.”

Forrest glanced across the table to Michael, who for once wasn’t staring at them before looking back to Alex. “You’re uncomfortable or he is?”

“Forrest, that’s not fair. We’re all having a good time tonight, can you not ruin it?” 

“How is showing you I care ruining it?” Forrest feigned innocence.

Alex sighed. “Never mind.” He watched the latest rider fall to the ground to a chorus of groans.

Forrest took a long swallow of beer and stood up. “You know what? I think I’m gonna give it a try. After you do love a hot cowboy, right?”

Alex groaned. “Forrest! You don’t have to prove anything to me.”

Forrest pretended he didn’t hear him and walked up to the guy controlling the bull. After a few moments, he climbed on and signaled he was ready. Everyone at the table watched in amazement at Forrest not only made it through the green level, but the yellow and red as well. 

The whole bar was cheering when he jumped off. Alex watched him eat up the praise of those around him. He glanced to Michael and noticed sweat on his brow and the slight tremor in the hand resting on the table. Sighing, he reached into his backpack and pulled out his flask. 

Wordlessly, he walked over to Michael and handed it to him. “You didn’t have to do that, but thank you. Drink before you puke.”

Michael eyed him and lifted the flask to his nose. He gave Alex a wry smile when he smelled the acetone. He shook his head in amusement and took a long sip before handing it back. 

Forrest made his was back to the table. “How was that for some bull riding?”

Alex’s smiled at him. “That was definitely some fancy stuff. I never knew you could ride like that.”

“Yeah, well, not all us cowboys show off.” Forrest threw Michael a smug smile before pulling Alex into a quick hug. 

Michael stood and for a moment Alex thought he might do something stupid but he just slapped Forrest on the back. “Great job, man. You made it look so easy I think I’ll give it a try too.”

Michael lasted all of ten seconds before he was thrown to the floor. He groaned as he stood and sheepishly made his way back to the table. “Guess it’s a lot harder than it looks.”

Alex rolled his eyes and took a long drink from his beer. Isobel and Max teased Michael for a few minutes about having to give up his hat to the Cowboy gods. Even Kyle and Maria got a few good natured digs in. Through it all Michael smiled and laughed it off as the loving teasing it was. 

That is until Forrest gave him a slow clap. “That was amazing. I thought someone with such macho cowboy swagger would be able to handle a fake bull for more than ten seconds.”

Michael continued to smile. “Yeah, guess I’m out of practice.”

“Or maybe it’s all for show and you’re just a crappy cowboy. Maybe you should give up your hat. I mean you did lose to a history nerd.” Forrest pulled Alex closer and kissed his cheek again. 

The table went quiet, Isobel shaking her head every so slightly at Michael. He swallowed and took his hat off his head to set it on the chair next to him. Glancing around the table at the worried faces of his friends, made his stomach churn. They all thought he was going to cause a scene and lash out at Forrest. Instead he just stood and headed out of the bar. He could hear Isobel and Liz calling after him but he didn’t stop until he was in his truck heading back to the airstream. 

@@@

Alex pushed Forrest’s arm off his shoulder. “What the hell was that?”

“Oh come on, Alex, I was just having some fun.” Forrest replied, kissing him again.

“I told you to stop doing that. It makes me uncomfortable.” 

Forrest held up his hands. “Sorry, I was just joking. I didn’t mean anything.”

“No, you weren’t joking. You were intentionally rude to him. What the fuck is wrong with you?” Alex stood and grabbed Michael’s hat off the chair.

“Where are you going?” Forrest called when he headed to the door. 

“To apologize for my asshole ex-boyfriend.” Alex snapped.

Forrest chuckled. “He didn’t do anything you have to apologize for.” 

Alex stopped and turned to stare at Forrest. He opened his mouth to say something but thought better of it and continued to the exit.

He could hear Rosa as he reached for the door. “He wasn’t talking about Michael, asshole.”

@@@

Alex could see the fire pit glowing when he pulled into the junkyard. He slowed his car, grabbed Michael’s hat and got out. “You forgot something.”

Michael took a long swallow from his beer. “You keep it. Looks better on you.”

Alex laughed. “So dramatic.”

“What are you doing here, Alex?”

“You didn’t have to do that you know.”

Michael shrugged. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Alex sat down next to Michael. “You are still a miserable liar. Thank you for tonight. It was great to be out with everyone and not have it feel weird.”

“I’m glad you had a good time. Did you really come here just to return my hat?” Michael asked.

“Not just to return the hat. I also came to apologize for my asshole ex-boyfriend.” 

Alex said it so casually that Michael leaned forward, sure he misheard. “Come again?”

“Yeah, it seemed to confuse Forrest too, though I think Rosa took a little too much pleasure in explaining it to him. I broke up with him.”

Michael’s brow furrowed. “Why?”

Alex smirked and leaned close, his lips almost touching Michael’s. “Seems history nerds aren’t type.”

Michael shifted in his seat. “Oh yeah? And what is your type?”

“Science nerd with a bit of macho cowboy thrown in.” 

Michael gave an indignant squawk that was silenced by Alex’s lips on his. 

When he pulled away, Alex smiled softly. “Will you come home with me, cowboy?”

Michael grinned. “Let me grab my hat.”

[doyumacy]

𝘫𝘢𝘯𝘶𝘢𝘳𝘺 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘴 𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶

𝙟𝙪𝙣𝙜𝙬𝙤𝙤 𝙭 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧

𝙜𝙞𝙛 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙚

𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨: 𝙡𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙪𝙖𝙜𝙚, 𝙖𝙡𝙘𝙤𝙝𝙤𝙡 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙨𝙪𝙢𝙥𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣, 𝙖 𝙗𝙞𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙜𝙤𝙧𝙚 (𝙣𝙤𝙨𝙚 𝙗𝙡𝙚𝙚𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜), 𝙨𝙚𝙭𝙪𝙖𝙡 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙢𝙚𝙨 (𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙨𝙢𝙪𝙩)

𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩: 7𝙠

𝙄 𝙨𝙖𝙬 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙧𝙚𝙦𝙪𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙨 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙤𝙥𝙚𝙣 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙝𝙤𝙥𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙄 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙧𝙚𝙦𝙪𝙚𝙨𝙩 𝙖 𝙟𝙪𝙣𝙜𝙬𝙤𝙤 𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙨𝙩. 𝙋𝙞𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜. 𝙎𝙖𝙙. 𝘼𝙡𝙡 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩. 𝘽𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙠 𝙢𝙮 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙩 𝙤𝙣𝙡𝙮 𝙩𝙤 𝙧𝙚𝙥𝙖𝙞𝙧 𝙞𝙩. 𝙃𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙖 𝙜𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙙𝙖𝙮:’)

𝘫𝘢𝘯𝘶𝘢𝘳𝘺 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘴 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶

𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘯, 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘭𝘥

𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘺 𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘺

january 9th 20XX

it's the day you met jungwoo and you have longed for snowflakes ever since.

you two have known each other for 6 years, after you moved houses when you were 15 and jungwoo was 16. and you think you've been in love with him for all 6.

january 19th present day

it’s the day you confessed your feelings to him and since that day, things haven't been the same.

(...)

so here you are, 21 now, on his bed listening to the older beg you to go out for drinks with their friends.

“baby cheeks, please! it won’t be any fun without you!,” he pouts.

baby cheeks. you love the nickname he gave you time ago. and you can't say no when he pouts.

“okay, okay. i’ll come if you shut up,” you comply.

a small, fond smile passing over his face as he ruffles your hair. "awesome! tonight’s going to be so much fun! i'm gonna text heejin you're coming. ” he grabs his phone

you frown. "who's heejin?"

"oh, didn't i tell you about her?" jungwoo asks, typing on his phone. you shake your head. "she's my... girlfriend-to-be?"

that hurt. you feel your heart drop.

"i didn't know you had a girlfriend," you almost choke on the words.

"we're not dating officially yet, but she will be," he smiles. "you're gonna love her and she's excited to meet you."

forcing yourself to smile even wider, you think you feel something crack as you say, "i'm so happy for you! and yeah, i'd love to meet her."

(...)

heejin laughs, separating herself from jungwoo and looping her arm through yours. "i like you. i have a feeling we're going to be good friends."

you groan to yourself. why do you have to be nice? why can't you be mean and bratty?

you're at the local bar you always go to with jungwoo and your friends sooyoung, yuta, jaehyun and donghyuck. and his soon-to-be girlfriend heejin. you aren't sure how much longer you can go without tearing up, so you excuse yourself and go to the restroom. you haven't told anyone about it, not even sooyoung who you've known since you were 6. sliding down the wall, you bury your face in your knees and take deep breaths until you can't fight it anymore. letting the sobs take over, you aren't sure how long you can sit there, but it feels like hours.

by the time you calm down, you decide you can't face jungwoo again and leave the restroom without being noticed. you text him telling him you felt sick and you need to go to your place.

when you arrive at your place, you take a look at yourself: puffy eyes, red eyes and messed up hair. you go into your room, lying on your bed and staring at the ceiling until you fall asleep.

after waking up, you check your phone and find 8 texts, 5 from jungwoo asking if you felt better.

ɪ ᴛᴏᴏᴋ ᴀ ɴᴀᴘ. ɪ ꜰᴇᴇʟ ʙᴇᴛᴛᴇʀ ɴᴏᴡ.

ᴊᴡᴏᴏ🐶✨: ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀɴᴛ ᴍᴇ ᴛᴏ ɢᴏ ᴏᴠᴇʀ?

ɴᴏ, ɪᴛ'ꜱ ꜰɪɴᴇ. ɪ'ʟʟ ꜱᴇᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛᴏᴍᴏʀʀᴏᴡ.

ᴊᴡᴏᴏ🐶✨: ʏᴏᴜ ꜱᴜʀᴇ? :(

ʏᴇᴀʜ ɪ ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ꜱʟᴇᴇᴘ ᴍᴏʀᴇ.

ʙᴇꜱɪᴅᴇꜱ, ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀ ɢꜰ ᴛᴏ ᴛᴀᴋᴇ ᴄᴀʀᴇ ᴏꜰ ɴᴏᴡ? ʟᴍᴀᴏ

ᴊᴡᴏᴏ🐶✨: ᴏᴋᴀʏ ᴛʜᴇɴ ꜱʟᴇᴇᴘ. ɪ'ʟʟ ꜱᴇᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ʟᴀᴛᴇʀ

ᴊᴡᴏᴏ🐶✨: ᴀɴᴅ ɪᴛ ᴅᴏᴇꜱɴ'ᴛ ᴍᴀᴛᴛᴇʀ ɪꜰ ɪ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀ ɢꜰ ɴᴏᴡ. ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ᴍʏ ʙᴇꜱᴛ ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅ, ᴛʜᴇʀᴇꜰᴏʀᴇ ɪ'ʟʟ ꜱᴛɪʟʟ ᴛᴀᴋᴇ ᴄᴀʀᴇ ᴏꜰ ʏᴏᴜ ɪꜰ ʏᴏᴜ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ɪᴛ...

you shut off your phone and bury your face in your pillow. why is this so hard? you need to get over him.

jungwoo is an engineering major student and is in his final year, while you're a political science student.

on monday, you show up to your administrative law class and sit next to jaehyun who is majoring in the same thing as you. he gives you a look. "you don't look sick."

you glance at him and shrug. "meds were invented for something."

jaehyun tilts his head, looking at you. "is your disease called perhaps 'jungwoo having a girlfriend'?"

you roll your eyes. "i don't give a shit about his soon-to-be girlfriend."

"not his soon-to-be girlfriend. they went official yesterday," jaehyun opens his instagram app and shows you a pic jungwoo posted with her.

you feel sick again and you can feel your heart breaking into million pieces. you put on your fakest smile. "i'm happy for him, she's nice."

jaehyun places a hand on your back. "you're a terrible liar. thank god you're majoring in political science because you would starve being an actress."

you laugh, holding your tears up. "shut up, i don't wanna cry in the middle of the classroom."

he sighs and starts rubbing your back gently with the palm of his hand. "if you need a shoulder to cry on, i happen to have two."

after the class is done, you and jaehyun go to his car where you cry like a mad person. he doesn't say a single word, doesn't make a single noise, as you cry on his shoulder. he wraps his arms around you.

“why am i not good enough?” your head whips upwards, eyes dripping eyeliner and bloodshot. jaehyun stares.

“hey, no. you’re good enough. you're way too good–” he tries rattling off more but you furiously shake your head, hands moving to cling onto his shirt front. the watery, red eyes stare up at jaehyun and he can feel the pain in them so much that his chest aches.

“he'll never look at me the way i do,” you manage, your voice low, raising to a wracking sob, and then ending in a gasping breath. you drop your face into his chest.

“trust me, you’re not the problem. he is just... blind.”

"yeah, sure.” you lean back and start wiping your own face with both hands. “i've fucked guys to get him out of my mind but i can't.”

he sighs. "yeah. i get you."

you look at him. "who is it?"

he glances at you, doubtful. "sooyoung."

you cry again. because he understands how you feel. sooyoung is your best friend, therefore you know everything about her and you know she will never be interested in jaehyun.

he laughs watching you cry because he knows you have stopped crying over jungwoo. he throws gently your hair over your shoulder. "we're not a lost cause. we can still meet someone that erases our feelings for them."

"i've been in love with him for 6 years," you sigh and lower your head. "i wanna hate him but i can't."

"you'll be okay," he plants a kiss on your forehead.

"i wish i was in love with you," you say.

he chuckles. "we'd be so chaotic. c'mon, let's have lunch. it's on me."

jungwoo enters the cafeteria holding hands with heejin. as they're finding a clear table, he spots you having lunch with jaehyun. nothing weird, you two met through him and are friends.

as he's walking with heejin towards where you are with jaehyun, he feels a weird feeling when jaehyun leans too close to you to remove something from your face. you laugh at something he says and jaehyun ruffles your hair like he does. a pinch to his stomach. that is what he feels.

that is when jungwoo realizes he doesn't like sharing, especially the thing he loves the most. you. his best friend.

"why can't we sit just the two of us?" heejin pouts. "i didn't get to see you today all morning."

jungwoo shakes his head and looks at his girlfriend. she's right. "okay. let's find a table."

they pass next to jaehyun and you and they greet you waving their hands off. you fake a smile to them and when they're far enough, you roll your eyes. "does it make me a bad person that i wanna punch them in the face?"

jaehyun shrugs. "i wanted to punch johhny everyday when he was dating sooyoung."

"i guess we're bad people," you scrunch your nose and jaehyun chuckles.

ʏɴᴋᴍᴏᴛᴏ😺: ʏᴏ ɢᴜʏꜱ ɪᴛ'ꜱ ꜰʀɪᴅᴀʏ ɴɪɢʜᴛ, ᴀʀᴇ ᴜ ꜰʀᴇᴇ?

ᴊᴀᴇᴊᴀᴇ🤠: ʏᴇᴀʜ

ᴊᴡᴏᴏ🐶✨: ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ. ɢᴏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏᴠɪᴇꜱ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴍʏ ɢɪʀʟ

ʜʏᴜᴄᴋ☀️: ᴇᴡ. ʙᴜᴛ ɪ ᴀᴍ ꜰʀᴇᴇ

ꜱᴏᴏ😻: ʏᴜᴘ. ᴡʜᴀᴛ'ꜱ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘʟᴀɴ?

ᴍᴀʏʙᴇ ɪ ᴀᴍ ᴅᴇᴘᴇɴᴅɪɴɢ ᴏɴ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴜ ꜱᴀʏ

ʏɴᴋᴍᴏᴛᴏ😺: ᴜ ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ᴛʜᴇ ɴᴇᴡ ʙᴀʀ ᴛʜᴀ�� ᴏᴘᴇɴᴇᴅ ʟɪᴋᴇ 3 ᴡᴇᴇᴋꜱ ᴀɢᴏ? ᴡᴇʟʟ, ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ'ꜱ ᴀ ᴡᴇʟʟ ᴋɴᴏᴡɴ ᴅᴊ ᴘʟᴀʏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏɴɪɢʜᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ɪ ɢᴏᴛ ᴜꜱ ɪɴ.

ʜʏᴜᴄᴋ☀️: ᴅᴜᴅᴇ ɪ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴋɪꜱꜱ ʏᴏᴜ ʀɪɢʜᴛ ɴᴏᴡ ᴏᴍꜰɢ

ꜱᴏᴏ😻: ʜᴏʟʏ ꜱʜɪᴛ ᴍᴇ ᴛᴏᴏ. ɪᴍ ᴅᴏᴡɴ

ꜱʜɪᴛ ᴍᴇ ᴛᴏᴏ. ɪ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ɢᴇᴛ ᴡᴀꜱᴛᴇᴇᴇᴇᴇᴇᴅ

ᴊᴀᴇᴊᴀᴇ🤠: ɪ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴜ ʏᴜᴛᴀ

ᴊᴡᴏᴏ🐶✨:  ɢᴜʏꜱ :/

ʜʏᴜᴄᴋ☀️: ꜱʜᴜᴛ ᴜᴘ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛᴜʀɴ ɪɴᴛᴏ ᴀ ʙᴏʀɪɴɢ ɢʀᴀɴᴅᴘᴀ ꜱɪɴᴄᴇ ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ᴅᴀᴛɪɴɢ ʜᴇᴇᴊɪɴ

ʟᴏʟ. ᴀɴʏᴡᴀʏꜱ, ᴀᴛ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ᴅᴏ ᴡᴇ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ʀᴇᴀᴅʏ?

ʏɴᴋᴍᴏᴛᴏ😺: 9 ᴘᴍ !!!

heejin ends up cancelling her movie date with jungwoo since she was feeling a bit under the weather. jungwoo, after spending an amount of time with her, he decides to leave so she can rest and drive to the club where his friends and you are.

january 19th present day

it's midnight already but he thinks he can still have fun.

walking into the bar dressed down in jeans and a white shirt he has certainly not expected you to be dancing on a table in a mini skirt.

you are shrieking out the lyrics to ‘gimme more’ by britney spears dancing in high heels dangerously on a wobbly table. for a moment all jungwoo can do is stare in astonishment at the sight. he knows that you are drunk. wasted.

there are boys below cheering you on and smacking your ass. he looks for his friends and he sees them in a worse state than you. jaehyun takes sooyoung in his arms and looks at him. "take care of y/n?"

he nods. jungwoo needs to take you out of here.

“y/n!” jungwoo calls out, not wanting any of these idiots to know your name.

you obviously don't hear him. so pushing himself through the crowd calls out again.

“y/n! for god’s sake get down!” he shouts.

“hellosir,” you slur obviously drunk

“hey move over!” one of the older men tries to shove him over but he doesn't budge

“y/n let me take you home.”

“why would i want to go home, when i’m having so much fun here? come up here and help me dance.” you grab his shirt and pull him up to you pulling him closer.

“y/n…” he stiffens not wanting to know what on earth is going through your head

“have a bit of fun!” pulling him closer he notices what you are wearing.

of rather what you aren't really wearing. a sweater with just two bottoms, one of them slightly open and he can see your stomach and your spilling out breasts and your skirt is so short it only just covers your ass showing off your long legs. and your heels are ridiculously high making you just as tall as him.

“y/n just come with me.”

suddenly you place your hands on his shoulder and kiss his lips, leading cheers from the whole crowd. jungwoo hears some murmuring going on.

“god she would be good to fuck.” his inner voice is growling at them

but right now he is more worried about what you are doing.

“hey move over!”

“yeah let us have our share!” the calls from the crowd really makes him growl this time

“no one touches her.” his voice is dangerously low only making a few of them back away.

suddenly one of the bigger men comes out.

“let us have her or you’re going to regret it.” he commands trying to grab a reeling you from his clasp

“not going to happen. move away so i can take her home.” he tries to steady you who is trying to stand up

suddenly he is in the middle of a fight. This person is pretty pathetic just lashing out, no style, no training. it doesn't take much before he is on the ground his nose bleeding gushing out some pretty nasty bruises all over him. looking up in horror he backs away.

“anyone else want to try?” jungwoo growls down low seeing terror in everyone’s eyes there is no scratch on him, no bruises, no nothing.

seeing that no one else is going to try and put his grubby hands on you, he bends down and picks you up in his arms and walks out. he is half-way to his car when you start talking at first nonsense but something makes him stop.

“that’s why i love you, jungwoo.” he hears  you mumble.

he feels numb not knowing what to think. he wants to believe that it is just the alcohol.

“drunk confessions are something i could do without.” jungwoo mumbles gently, putting you into the back of the car strapping you in and driving as fast as he dares to get your apartment. as soon as he gets there he notices that you are barely awake still mumbling nonsense about jimmy fallon looking hot? he laughs.

carrying you to your apartment, he decided just to put you into bed with a bucket by your side. jungwoo slips you under the covers hoping that you will be warm enough.

“i sometimes dont think youre real, you're so handsome and i love you and i can't believe you're da-” you never finish your drunk sentence vomiting into the bucket that jungwoo grabbed.

he runs to you and holds your hair in a bun. after a few thrusts, you finish throwing up and throw yourself to the bed, laying on your back. jungwoo sighs. “i’ll get you some water, okay?”

you nod, almost falling asleep. jungwoo goes to the kitchen and grabs a glass pouring some water on it. he returns to your room just to find you sleeping. he leaves the glass on your  nightstand because he's sure you're gonna wake up sometime during what's night thirsty.

jungwoo is about to leave your room when you sit on your bed. he leans against the doorframe and looks at you, almost laughing. “what's up with you?”

you pout. “jungwoo”

“what do you need?” he walks to you.

“you. i love you.”

“i know. i love you, too, baby cheeks.”

“no,” you groan and grab his shirt. “i love you. romantically. i’m truly, madly and deeply in love with you.”

jungwoo sighs and removes your hand from his shirt. “no, you don't y/n. go to sleep.”

“i am in love with you, jungwoo,” you cry, wrapping your arms around his waist. “i have always been in love with you. can i kiss you? please.”

jungwoo closes his eyes and yanks himself off free. “i’m sorry, y/n. i’m with heejin now. respect that.”

“fuck her,” you growl. “she doest deserve you. i do. fuck her.”

“y/n…”

“fine. go with her. fuck you two.”

“you know it doesn't have to be this way,” jungwoo looks at you.

“get out!” you throw him a pillow he manages to dolge. “get the fuck out!”

as expected, you do remember everything that happened last night. you know you fucked up by telling jungwoo your feelings towards him and you confirm he has never and will never have feelings for you.

you cry when you take a shower, having a really bad headache and your heartbroken. you don't know what to do to fix things. you know it will never be the same again.

"i thought you might need this.” jaehyun comes walking through holding a glass of water and an aspirin.

you're at jaehyun's apartment. his roommate sicheng is out to get some groceries. you sit up. "will this erase my memory?" you take the glass and the aspirin.

"i don't think so," he scrunches his nose.

you sigh and take the medicine. "why did you even let him take me home? i was a threat."

"sooyoung was in a worse state than you, yuta was hooking up with some girl in the restroom and donghyuck was high as hell," he sits next to you.

"i thought he wasn't going to go," you groan.

"so did i," he puts an arm on the sofa's back. "at least he knows how you feel."

"like it's worth it," you rest your head on his shoulder. "i wanna cry again but i cried the whole morning and my head is killing me."

"i'll tell you what," he leans forward and looks at you. "we're gonna forget sooyoung and jungwoo. we need to move on, we have no hope with them. why do we need to be the ones crying over them?"

you bite your lip and nod. he's right. fuck them.

you don't know when it happens, but at some point jungwoo has stopped talking to you and the rest of the guys. he’s always with heejin, doing this and doing that. always excusing himself saying he has no time and he's busy with college and his girlfriend. you text him but never get a reply. there's a time when your messages don't get delivered and you can tell he has blocked you.

great. thanks for nothing. you think.

on the other hand, jaehyun and you grow closer. you're always at his place or he's always at yours.

it's been months since the last time you and jungwoo talked. he seems happy with heejin and they are always together. you’re still in love with jungwoo, but you’re doing your best to move on.

it’s clear to you jungwoo don't wanna be your friend anymore and it hurts you the way he just disappeared from your life. after many years of friendship.

by summer, everyone leaves on vacation but you stay since your parents decide to go on a cruise to celebrate their 23rd anniversary and you’re happy they can take time to spend time together. and you wish you can ever have that.

jaehyun comes back from paris and he’s eager to see you. and so are you. after he planes land in town, he takes a cab to your place and the moment you open the door, he hugs you and lifts you up.

"bon retour," you tease, hugging him.

he chuckles and kisses your cheek. "god, i just wanted the plane to land so i could see you."

"it seems to me you missed me," you say and you shut the door.

"i did," he nods and places his backpack next to the door. "how are you?"

"i'm great, i'm getting a jump on next semester's work," you smile. "you want something to drink or eat?"

"that's good," he smiles back at you. "i was actually thinking of taking you out."

you cock an eyebrow. "taking me out?"

he nods and giggles nervously. "i uhm... want to talk to you about something."

you know what he is going to say. you want it too. but you thought you were just being delusional. turns out you're not.

"okay... then i'm gonna put on decent clothes," you smirk.

"i'll wait... here," he points out your couch.

he doesn't know why he's feeling nervous. maybe because you might say no and he can't get his heartbroken again. but he's gonna take the chance again.

you take a deep breath and check your reflection for the last more time. you look good. you run your fingers through your hair and pull it into a loose ponytail, just enough to keep it out of your eyes.

“this place is amazing,” you marvel at the subtle beauty of the room.

jaehyun smirks. "i wanted to bring you here before, but school was kicking our butts."

“and then you left to paris,” you say, scooping up a bit of a vegetable and chewing delightedly.

“yeah i know, but i did miss you so bad,” he pouts.

"a month without me, that's what it causes," you shrug, smiling.

he chuckles, nodding. then he goes quiet for almost a minute. "i… the real reason why i brought you here is to confess something.”

you look at him. jaehyun tries to slow his racing heart and looks you in the eye. “i don't know how it happened, but i haven’t been able to get you off my mind." your cheeks turn pink. “i know saying this will probably ruin our friendship, but i wanted to say I love you, y/n." he exhales heavily and waits for you to say something.

you already knew it, but still, your jaw drops and your face flushes pinker than a rose. “do you mean it?”you whisper. jaehyun nods and takes your hand in his own. “with all your heart?”

“with all my heart.”

you sigh and rest your forehead against his. "i love you, too."

"ew, you two are being gross right now. get a room," donghyuck says as you and jaehyun share a kiss.

you return the favour with your middle finger. donghyuck laughs. "the library has a nice spot where you two can fuck, you know?"

"hyuck, go away," jaehyun groans.

"fine, as if i want to see you two making out," donghyuck stands up. "ooo, jungwoo's coming. bye."

he flees the scene leaving you two alone with jungwoo walking surprisingly alone. your heart skips a beat for a minute and you wish he could greet you, at least give you a smile but he ignores you two when he passes next to your table.

asshole.

it's true. you have been with jaehyun for a month but it doesn't mean you don't love jungwoo anymore. in fact, you still wish he loved you back.

jaehyun sighs, placing his hands on his tights. he knows it's hard for you but sometimes he wishes you weren't that obvious.

you stare at him. "sorry."

"it's okay," he gives you a gentle smile. "we should go, we have class in 10 minutes."

you whine. "i hate finances."

"so do i. cmon, baby," he takes your hand standing up.

jungwoo has pretty much everything he always wanted. rich, attending one of the greatest universities so close to graduate and currently top of his class in rankings. still, life had been hard on him recently. it all started when you confessed your feelings to him. why did his heart start jumping like a middle school boy?

jungwoo knows he's a total dickhead. you confessed him your feelings and he just ran away as if you have confessed you committed a murder. the idea of you two together showed up in his mind and his heart melted. why? he didn't understand and he didn't want to.

but he got scared. he never thought of you like that and got even more scared because he didn't mind it at all.

no. he’s in love with heejin. he loves heejin. they have been together for 8 months now and he's the happiest he's ever been.

right? of course..

then why seeing you with jaehyun makes him so angry? and why does he want to punch him when he kisses you?

he groans to himself. he's being ridiculous.

you can date whoever you want to. he doesn't care.

(...)

“i don't understand why you are being a bitch to me,” you frown, looking at sooyoung.

“maybe because you are a bitch,” she states, placing her hands on her waist.

“excuse me? what did i even do to you to speak to me like that?”

“you know jaehyun was into me, and yet you're dating him!” sooyoung crosses her arms on her chest.

you tilt your head in surprise. “you didn't even like him!”

“i didn't back then, but i do now!”

you're speechless. you know sooyoung can be sometimes selfish, but this time she reached a new type of selfishness. it’s not fair.

“are you even listening to yourself?” you give her a questioning look. “you rejected him many times, breaking his heart and now he has finally moved on, you suddenly like him? you’re incredible, sooyoung.”

“no. this is what you do, y/n.” she laughs, bitterly. “you jump from guy to guy trying to call their attention and this time you couldn't get jungwoo you got into jaehyun’s pants. have some loveself. please.”

“fuck you, sooyoung.” you stare at her. “i’m so glad you never got together because you would’ve ruined him.”

“you bitch,” sooyoung throws herself to you, pulling your hair.

“sooyoung!” you bark out, trying to pull her away from you, but she grabs your jaw squeezing it. “fuck off!”

“i fucking hate you, you stupid bitch!” she slaps you in the face.

“back the fuck off, sooyoung,” you hiss, pushing her away.

“you always play the victim when you're nothing but an asshole!” she pushes you.

“stop. i don't wanna hurt you,” you warn her.

she laughs. “please. you’re nothing.”

sooyoung approaches you and pushes you again. “whore.”

you press your lips together, trying to keep your shit together. she pushes you again, making you stumble. that's it. you've lost your patience. you punch her in the nose. sooyoung growls and reaches up her hand to catch a few drops of blood. “youre a fucking animal.”

“i warned you,” you look at her.

jaehyun and yuta who are approaching you two see the scene and run towards you.

then, you feel sooyoung’s fist in your lips. it hurt a lot. soon you have blood dripping from it. you're about to throw a second punch when you feel someone’s arm wrapping around your waist. “that’s enough, y/n.”

it’s jaehyun. you see yuta taking sooyoung away, kicking in the air. you don't realise your jaw is clenched until you exhale heavily. when you're calmed, jaehyun yanks yourself free and you turn around. you sigh and lower your head, ashamed. “i’m sorry you had to see that.”

“what the hell was that, y/n? you assaulted, sooyoung.” he stares at you.

you open your mouth, almost choking on your words. “i did not! i begged her to step back and she pushed me. twice!”

“you literally behaved like a prostitute.” he shakes his head. “i really hope she's okay.”

“fuck you, jaehyun,” you push him. “why don't you go and make sure she's okay?”

“i will,” he looks at you and walks away.

maybe punching sooyoung is not the way to find a solution, but you dont regret it. she deserved it. but because of that, jaehyun is upset at you and you don't understand why. he should be the one upset at sooyoung, but he doesn't know all the crap she talked about you and jaehyun. he didn't even let you explain.

the next day you call jaehyun and he shows up at your place. you hug him, to which he doesn't hug you back. he is still mad.

“i’m sorry,” you sigh. “how many times do i need to apologise?”

he doesn't say anything. he just stares and stares at you. you notice his eyes are watering. “what's wrong?”

“i slept with sooyoung.”

you cry.

you cry again. he tries to apologise and hugs you but you can't see him. you push him out of your place and you don't want to see him again.

ever.

everything in your life is going down. your grades have gotten worse. sooyoung made sure yuta won't talk to you again. jaehyun cheated on you and. donghyuck is too busy with the hockey team. jungwoo doest even remember your existence.  

fuck.

a fews days later, you wake up feeling sore. very sore. and with the worst hangover you've ever had. you roll on the bed and you startle when you see a black haired man next to you. this is not your bed and this is definitely your room.

you're naked beneath the sheets and your curse at yourself.

fuck fuck fuck. that's why youre feeling sore.

you get up from the bed and get dressed and leave the stranger’s apartament. what was his name? john? joe? fuck. you don't remember.

you fucked with someone else and you don't even remember his name. you do remember how it happened: you were dancing and drinking alone. that's pretty much what you have been doing the past two weekends.

you don't even know in which part of the city you are. your phone’s dead. you sigh, defeated. you're gonna walk to the closest metro station.

people stare at you and you can tell they know about your whereabouts last night. you don't give a shit.

january 9th. present day.

it's been 7 years since you met jungwoo. but this year is different. hes not around. none of your friends are around.

you wake up hungover, again as you've been doing for months in someone’s bed. you turn and see the handsome jackson wang sleeping peacefully. you usually don't repeat one night stands, but you do an exception with him since he always fucks you senseless making you forget everything. and everyone.

no feelings involved and you're okay with it. the last thing you need is to get your heart broken again.

you get up, stretching your body. you get dressed and when you're about to leave, you see jackson leaning against the headboard. hes awake. “you always leave without saying goodbye. i feel used.”

“i use you,” you smirk.

he smiles and puts his arm on the back of his head. “will i see you tonight?”

“yeah,” you grab your jacket. “see you later.”

he nods. you leave his place. when you arrive at your place, check your mail and see a letter from your university. you open it up and your mouth drops to the floor. you will be expelled if you don't improve your grades.

your parents will kill you if they find out about this.

so the next morning, you’re on your way to the campus offices. at the door entrance, you run into jungwoo. he greets you with a shy smile and opens the door for you. you thank him. as you two wait to be attended, you pretend youre reading a magazine and he's scrolling on his phone, looking at nothing.

they call your name and you walk to the front desk. “mr. kang can't see you right now, but he told me that the letter pretty much says your situation. if you don't get your grades up you will be expelled and wont graduate this summer.”

you sigh. “how am i supposed to get my grades up in 5 months?”

the lady at the front desk shrugs. “that's not my problem. you should've thought about that before start skipping your classes.”

you sigh. you turn to leave the office and you see jungwoo staring at you. you pass next to him and leave the office.

your life's a mess and you don't know what to do to fix it.

as you walk down the campus, you spot jaehyun walking next to yuta. he waves at you and you ignore him.

you pull your phone out of your pocket and text jackson.

ᴜ ʙᴜꜱʏ?

ᴊᴡᴀɴɢ: ɴᴏ. ᴡʜʏ?

ᴄᴀɴ ɪ ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ᴏᴠᴇʀ?

ᴅᴀᴍɴ ɪᴛꜱ 8 ᴀᴍ

ᴄᴀɴ ɪ ᴏʀ ꜱʜᴏᴜʟᴅ ɪ ᴛᴇxᴛ ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ ᴇʟꜱᴇ?

ᴊᴡᴀɴɢ: ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴇ ᴋᴇʏᴄᴏᴅᴇ.

ɪ’ʟʟ ʙᴇ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ɪɴ 15

and you're at jackson’s place in 15 minutes. thank god and his sex skills. you’re panting, laying on your stomach and he falls next to you on his back.

“who’s jungwoo?” he questions.

“no one,” you say.

“do you think of him when i’m fucking you?”

“sometimes,” you reply.

he laughs. “why don't you just go to him?”

you sigh. “it’s not that simple.”

“why?”

“why do you wanna know?” you bury your face on his pillow.

“maybe i can help,” jackson shrugs.

you shake your head. “can i be on top now?”

jackson squints his eyes and then grabs your chin with his thumb. “whatever you want, hottie.”

the next following days, you've been locked in your place studying and doing delayed homeworks and studying for the upcoming tests. you're decided to save your school year.

you see jaehyun in some of your classes and he offers himself to help you to catch up with what they've been doing lately. you say no. you ask someone else and they nicely say yes.

you stop seeing jackson to focus on your studies again and you also stop partying and getting drunk. you and your body need a break.

“are you sure?” he questions.

“yeah. i gotta go now, i still have lots of things to do.”

and that's how the week goes: you barely have any sleep and eating what it's easier to get.

"...and that's why i'm never going back there again."

you laugh. "i'm not surprised after all that!"

you're having lunch at the campus cafeteria with one of your classmates: kun. he's nice and he's a exchange student.

"i can't believe there's decent food today, it smells nice," he says.

"right? this chicken looks nice."

"oh, i didn't bring napkins,"he sighs.

"i'll get them. I forgot my drink. i'll be right back," you stand up.

you feel something is wrong as soon as you stand up.

y/n?"

you feel yourself swaying. why are you swaying? maybe it's because you haven't eaten all day, but you have gone days like that.

you can feel yourself getting light-headed. you desperately try to fight it, feebly grasping at the side of the table, kun's voice sounding far away. the horrible sensation in you is everywhere, consuming you.

"i think i'm going to-"

kun watches in horror as all the colors drain from your face, your eyes rolling back and fluttering closed.

"y/n!"

he tries to manage to break your fall before you can do any damage to your head, but he doesn't get you and you hit your head on the floor.

(...)

you can feel yourself experiencing the ghost of a dream as you come to. the echoes of conversations are confusing yet audible, the visuals clouded by fuzziness.

you see the ceiling first as your vision clears and your brain starts to kick back into gear.

"hey..."

you become aware of jungwoo in your line of vision, pushing back stray strands of your hair from your face. his voice is soft, a gentle smile gracing his own features.

"jungwoo?" you frown. "what happened?"

"you fainted."

you are warm, clammy, sweat clinging to you. shaky too. it feels horrible.

"i fainted...?"

using your hands, you attempt to push yourself up to a sitting position, but jungwoo's arms are on your shoulders in an instant, returning you to your original position on the stretcher.

"don't get up, just stay lying down for now, alright? you hit your head pretty bad, the doctor is making sure nothing's wrong."

you don't really have the strength to argue, so you simply nod in understanding.

jungwoo is so thankful for the first time the the campus has a doctor for cases like this.

"who told you I was here?" you suddenly ask.

"i saw you when you fainted at the cafeteria," he says. "i didnt even think twice, i just took you in my arms and ran here."

he still cares about you.

"thank you."

the doctor comes into the small room with a tablet on his hand. "y/n y/l/n. I have good and bad news. the good news is that you have a minor contusion. take some tylenol if it's still hurting today. the bad news is that you are dehydrated and have low blood sugar.”

you sigh and run a hand through your hair. “have you been eating?” the doctor asks.

you shake your head. “maybe just once a day.”

“not good,” he states. “you need to rest and don't skip your meals anymore. you can go home after the crystalloid is empty.”

“thank you, doctor.” you say.

the doctor leaves the room and you look at jungwoo. “you can go now. i’m fine.”

jungwoo shakes his head. “i’m gonna take you home. i need to make sure you get some rest.”

jungwoo takes you home and leaves you on your bed. he hasn't been to your place since the night you confessed your feelings. you feel your heart squeezing. you hug a pillow. “you can go now. i’m fine.”

“close your eyes,” he says and he sits on the edge of the bed.

you do as he says. but you know you won't be able to sleep if he stays. “do you need another blanket?”

you shake your head, with your eyes still closed. “how am i supposed to sleep if you keep talking?”

jungwoo giggles. “right. sorry.”

you giggle too. his phone rings and he ignores it. then it rings again. “you should go. really. i’m fine.”

“i told you i’m gonna stay,” he puts his phone away.

“your girlfriend will get upset,” you warn.

“as far as i remember i don't have a girlfriend,” he takes off his shoes.

you open your eyes. “what?”

he smiles. “close them again.”

“since when?” you inquiry.

“since september. now, get some sleep.”

it’s january.

he's been single for 4 months.

“why did you break up?”

he lays next to you and reaches his hand up to your eyes level, making you close them. “i don't love her anymore.”

he doesn't love her anymore.

you can't help but feel a bit of hope.

you look at him. oh god. he’s beautiful. and you missed him so bad.

“you will never listen to me, will you?” he cocks an eyebrow.

“you're acting as if you met me yesterday,” you mock him.

“a week ago was january 9th,” he says softly. “i missed you. i miss you.”

you sigh, unable to look him in the eye. “i’m sorry.”

jungwoo frowns. “why?”

“i should have never said what i said. i ruined everything,” you bite your lip. “so i’m sorry.”

jungwoo cups your face with his hands. you look at him. “if there's someone that should be apologizing it's me. i freaked out and pushed you away because i got terrified of how those words made me feel.”

“am i that bad?” you joke. he laughs a bit.

“you're everything but bad,” he pushes back stray strands of your hair from your face, putting it behind your ear. “i’m sorry. i’m so, so sorry, y/n. i got away and wasn't there when you needed me the most. i’m the worst i know, and i’m not expecting you to forgive me but i just wanted you to know that i’m willing to get your friendship back, even if it means we have to start over.”

“jungwoo,” you look at him. “i don't want to start over.”

“oh…” he lowers his head, “okay. i understand.”

you chuckle and he stares at you, confused. “i don't want to start over again because we don't need to. just promise me you wont even turn into a dick ever again.”

he nods. “i promise. i swear to god that won't happen again.”

that night you sleep in his arms and sleep like a baby. like you haven't slept in months .

january 30th present day.

it’s 20:32 and you are standing at a corner in your old house. the street is illuminated by the houses that have christmas decorations all over them. you were waiting for someone.

seoul has been wet for the past few days and it is unusually cold tonight, the temperature dropping to -8.5℃. you are dressed warm enough but your clothes were no match for the cold january breeze that slap you softly across your face. the rain that has turned into snow isn’t helping but that’s fine.

you feel someone wrapping their gloved hands around yours. you smile and squeeze their hand. "you're late."

"sorry," jungwoo apologizes. "i couldn't find my keys."

"jungwoo things," you mock him.

"ah," he chuckles. "baby cheeks back at it again."

you turn to look at him and your hands shake. you lick your lips nervously. jungwoo is so, so indescribably pretty. you have trouble speaking sometimes. he looks at me and he gently puts his finger underneath your chin, and lifts so your eyes meet his.

jungwoo leans in and meets your soft slightly scented lips with his own. it feels good. it feels right; like a puzzle piece has just slotted itself into place.

one hand drifts up and gently brushes some stray hairs away, fingers curling around your ear to trail down the nape of your neck.

slowly, jungwoo lowers his head and you watch as a tongue dart out to wet his lips. you mimic the action, teeth biting gently on his lower lip. jungwoo smiles wrapping you by the waist. "is this a way to tell me you like me?"

"wasn't I very clear?" you rest your hands on his chest.

"uhm no. please do it again," he smiles staring at your lips.

and you kiss him again.

january 9th 20XX. future.

“by the power vested in me by the city, i now pronounce you man and wife. you may now kiss the bride.”

jungwoo smiles down at you his hands gripping yours. he leans down and before he kisses you, he whispers, “i love you so much.”

“ladies and gentlemen, i now give you for the very first time, Mr. and Mrs. Kim.”

whistles and claps ring out through the church as jungwoo and you still continued to kiss.

"let the girl breathe, loser!,” donghyuck whistles bringing chuckles from the guests.

jungwoo pulls away grinning and winks at you. "now you'll never get rid of me."

"i'm not planning to," you smile at him.

[eyelessdoll-y]

56 & 88 ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ

56: What is my song of the week?

https://youtu.be/fmOEKOjyDxU <<< the recent Japanese music “Perfect World” of TWICE made me in love!!!!!!!!! Although I'm no longer obsessed with kpop, I can't let go of my girlfriends 😭😭😭🙏🏻🙏🏻

88: What makes me really angry?

Sincerely??? I don't sleep much so I live stressed 😭 Sometimes just a touch or conversation makes me tired or angry, however, I get really annoyed when they pick up my stuff, especially without warning! Mostly food, I come to cry. AND WHEN THEY TAKE THINGS BORROWED AND LOSE/CHANGE MY THINGS IN PLACES MAKING ME LOOK FOR AAAAAH HOW I HATE (i have 3 more brothers and yet i divide everything i can still feel angry😭😭😭 Unfortunately this causes me jealousy and possessiveness in almost everything and I crucify myself for it😭😭)

I also get very nervous and altered when they mess with what I like, protect, care, parents, friends and general. Any insult directed at what is valuable to me I will keep in my mind until I die😥😢😢 I'm often criticized for "why do you hate people you don't even know?" for hating those who hurt the people I care about. Have I seen many people friends with the enemies of their companions?????? I even witnessed friends of mine who were friends of those who most disgraced my life!!!!! I just don't swallow it these days!!!!!!!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭

But the worst of it is lying and treason, being made an idiot. I hate being betrayed 'cause in my adolescence I suffered a lot from this in friendship sthings, yet i haven't been in any serious relationship I don't even know what I'd do if I was, and this is a danger. My last boyfriend I had last year I broke up because he was a liar and fake EVEN with his OWN BEST FRIENDS, so what kept him from being with ME????? And he really was. It's been 10 months cheated, when I found out I got disgusted, SO I broke up with him and joined Kanato with this hatred of lies and betrayal. (incidentally, Kanato's lines already made me company when my ex traded me for online games and league of legends 🙄🙄🙄) I'm even afraid of being related to anything related to this!!!

I also hate loud noises or screams in my ears. Narcissistic, egoistic and self-centered people really tire me out. Lack of empathy annoys me. I hate it when they keep me from doing what I want (it's kind of weird to like Kanato when im being like this??? 🤨🤨🤨🤣

[petri808]

This fic was created for the BKDK Unbirthday Party on Twitter for prompt #G-0209 submitted by Maela

‘And three... two... one...’

“Ground Zero!!!!”

Cue the screaming fans like clockwork. Izuku screws on his trademark smile as he walks behind his childhood friend and colleague Katsuki Bakugou into the agency. It never failed after media coverage of an event for fans to gather. In fact, it became such a problem that the company brought in extra security to keep the people from following the hero’s inside. It’s not that the fans bothered him, of course not. He of all people knew what it was like to be a dedicated admirer of heroes. It was...

“Ground Zero I wanna have your babies!”

“Call me, Ground Zero!” Another one screams as she tries to shove a piece of paper in Katsuki’s hand.

Because of that.

Izuku had plenty of his own fans. By the time they’d graduated from UA Academy, he’d mastered his quirk and as a pro was consistently vying for the number one hero spot. Him and Katsuki. From rivals to partners, they took on the worst villains to plague Japan. It was even why they worked for the same agency as adults. The hot head insisted they stick together no matter what because, ‘you need me nerd, to keep you focused.’He couldn’t argue the logic and maybe a part of him wanted to stick with his friend. They knew each other better than anyone else and once their bitter background had been squashed it was to their benefit.

Of course, Izuku couldn’t blame the fans for fawning over the handsome blonde with piercing red eyes. Katsuki had always kept up his physique to handle the rigorous power of his explosion quirk. Strong and agile, and from what he hears around, is very good in bed too. The man’s temperamental attitude didn’t sway the diehard female and some male fans from throwing themselves at his feet.

“Haha, one more to add to my collection,” Katsuki snickers and shoves the piece of paper with the phone number into his pocket. The women meant nothing to him, but he never missed an opportunity to gloat to his buddy. He slaps Izuku hard on the back, “what about you Deku, any action?”

“Why? Dealing with you is exhausting enough Kacchan,” he retorts with humor to his tone. Deep down Izuku was irritated, but he rarely showed it in front of the man.

“Tch. Wanna share one night? I bet she’d do anything I ask her to do.”

“No, thank you. She’s not my type.”

“And what is your type, nerd? In 20 years, I’ve seen you go out on like one date and I don’t even remember what she looked like.”

‘That’s because it never happened.’ “I’m just... not interested right now.” Izuku Midoriya wasn’t a virgin, but he’s never been in an actual relationship before. Twice he’d fooled around, once with Uraraka and another time Todoroki during his ‘finding himself’ stage and that’s when he’d realized that one, he was strictly gay, and two, no one else made his heart race like a certain blonde did.

But as far as he knew, Katsuki was as straight as they come even though he had no proof either way to confirm or deny. It was all circumstantial evidence. The man seemed to relish in all the attention he garnered from fans, especially females. He was pretty sure he’d seen photos pop up on social media of dates with women Katsuki had been on. And besides with so many rumors flying around about his bedroom prowess, some of it had to be true, right?

“You ever gonna be interested, nerd?”

“Why do you care so much about my love life Kaachan? If the right person asks me out, I’ll say yes.”

“I just noticed that you’re not very fond of the fans. You wear that stupid fake smile every time. Are you jealous of me Deku that I have so many fans?”

“What?! Of course, I’m not. I have my own!” ‘Even though yes I’d like to OFA some of your fans to oblivion.’ “I’m not jealous of you.” ‘But shit! He noticed it’s fake?!’

Katsuki grabs Izuku’s arm to prevent him from walking away. “Oi, you still haven’t answered my question Deku, what is your type?”

Frustrated with being put on the spot like this, he rips his arm out of Katsuki’s grasp. “Why do you care so much?! Go live it up with your latest conquest and leave me out of it Kacchan!” He stomps away fuming, muttering under his breath. Why the sudden interest?! Katsuki’s never pressed so hard before about his personal life. Was it pity? Poor Deku all alone. Multitudes of adoring fans but he goes home to an empty apartment. If Katsuki was trying to set him up, he had no interest in dating anyone else and if that meant he’d be alone, well so be it. It’s not like he’s never been alone before.

“You like me... don’t you nerd.”

Izuku freezes mid step, every muscle in his body stiffened by Katsuki’s words echoing off the walls of the corridor. With his back turned he couldn’t see it but could very much hear the smirk plastered on the man’s face. How dare he?! Was Katsuki taunting him?! Truth or not, how could the man find such turmoil amusing?!

“Think I didn’t know? All these years we’ve known each other that I wouldn’t figure it out?”

Izuku lowers his head as poised tears pool in his eyes. “So, what if you did, it’s not like you felt the same. Look, Kacchan I’m just happy we’re friends again, so please don’t mess that up. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I just wanna get my paperwork done and go home.”

Heavy stomps move towards him. “Stupid nerd!” And suddenly, Izuku is ripped violently from his self-despair and spun around. “Don’t you fucking put words in my mouth!” The smaller males eyes flash wide from the anger raging behind Katsuki’s ruby glare. “How do you know how I feel?! So smart, and so stupid at the same time!”

“B-But all the women?!” Izuku stammers.

“Pfft, it’s all for show dumbass. You really think I’d sleep with random people who don’t know a goddamn thing about me, who only love my image?! I don’t fucking want a hollow piece of ass! Everyone else assumes that bullshit about me, but I can’t believe my best friend would stoop so low.”

There it is. So, Katsuki was just angry because Izuku was looking down on him again. Apparently, old wounds die hard. “Kacchan, I don’t care who you sleep with. If it makes you happy, then...” his tone grows strangled, “I-I’m happy for you too.”

“Such a fucking liar Deku. I know you’re not happy about it. That’s why you only pretend with fake smiles and dull eyes.”

“Kacchan get to the point.” He sighs, because his heart couldn’t take much more innuendo. “Fine, okay yes, I’ve been in love with you for years, is that what you wanted to hear? That I’ve been stupidly pining for you knowing it would never be reciprocated? Kacchan I was happy, I really was happy because we’re close like we were as kids and that was enough for me.”

“Then go out with me Deku. You said if the right person ask’s you’ll say yes. So, say yes.”

“Kacchan, please don’t tease me. You always worry about me and try to fix things, but unless you really want to...”

Katsuki rolls his eyes and smashes his lips against Izuku’s to shut up the man’s babbling. But the man doesn’t melt into it, instead fights back, pushing and struggling to get out of his grasp! He nips Izuku’s lip. “What the fuck! I’m trying to kiss you idiot! So, stop fighting me!”

A full-blown water works bursts out of Izuku from his emotions going all over the place. “I don’t want your pity Kacchan! You don’t have to go so far trying to make me feel better!”

“Ugh!” Katsuki grabs his chin hard, “get it through your head nerd I’m kissing you because I like you! I don’t just kiss people for nothin’!”

“Y-you, I-I... but aren’t you?”

“I’m seriously in love with an idiot.”

[anna-justice]

Lost or Found - 11

Summary: As Jay, Hailey, Kim, Adam and Kevin start their junior year in the wake of a tragic summer, the past year of their lives comes back to haunt them. If you enjoyed Pretty Little Liars, this is for you! *UPSTEAD/BURZEK High School AU

...

11 - The Waiting ...

After a long night of waiting and then being forced to go home, Adam was seated beside Kim’s bed while she lay there still unconscious. He was beyond anxious, she hadn’t woken up since they found the girls and with the potential loss of her hearing looming over them, waiting was getting worse by the second. The steady beeping of her monitor was the only noise piercing the silence. Her mom had gone home to shower and talk to her dad, so it was just Adam in the room.

His almost fist fight with Jay the night before was still very prominent in his mind. Jay’s words stung, but he was right, all of this was Adam’s fault. If he had ended things like he was told to, he would be heartbroken, but Kim would be fine or at least not laying in a hospital bed. He had acted selfishly and it almost got two people he cared about killed, there was no room for mistakes in the sick, twisted game they were playing.

He leaned against the bed and put his face in his hand. She looked peaceful, the most at rest that she had been in weeks understandably. He reached out and wrapped his hand around her limp on, gently brushing his thumb over the top of it. He knew that in the movies this was the part where the mourning love interest makes a heartfelt speech professing his love for the other, but he didn’t have anything to say other than “I’m sorry.”

Suddenly, Kim stirred and her eyes fluttered open, squinting at the light. She looked around the room and Adam stood immediately. “Hey, I’m here.” She smiled softly to acknowledge him, reaching to pull her oxygen out of her nose. “Oh, no, I think--”

“Take this off…”

“Let me help you.” He helped her pull off and leaned forward. “Hey.”

“Hi.”

“How’re you feeling?” He asked. He smiled big, she was responding so obviously able to hear him.

Kim’s face fell and she stuttered a bit. “I feel like a-like-like a puppet who someone else is making talk.” Adam reached out and brushed a stray hair that had fallen off of her face, “How long was I out?” She groaned.

“Well, they sedated you last night to help with the swelling in your brain. You remember what happened?” He asked.

“What? What happened?” Adam stiffened and reached out to touch her cheek, his heart beating faster. “What year is it? Who is the president? What’s the internet?”

Adam fake laughed and gave her a pointed look, “You are very funny. I’m not,” He swallowed, “Strong enough to be messed with right now.”

“Hey,” She said, grabbing his arm. “You were worried about me?”

Adam looked at the ground and scoffed, “You have no idea.”

“It’s okay.”

He shrugged, “I love you, you know?”

Kim grinned and nodded, he had said it before, but this time it felt so different. “I love you too.”

Adam stood and pressed a kiss to her forehead before pressing another against her lips. He sat down the bed next to her and took her hand in his, and as if on cue, her doctor entered.

…

A few rooms away on the same floor, Jay sat next to Trudy in Hailey’s hospital room. Like Kim a short time ago, she was still asleep after spending the majority of the night in surgery.

Jay had gone home against his will at about one the night before, Trudy insisted he needed sleep and a shower. He had only accomplished one of the two. He spent all of his short time away thinking about her, whether it was the situation with her dad or what had happened to her and Kim, he couldn’t get her out of his head.

Fear had begun to consume him and he wasn’t a huge fan. The situation felt all too familiar, he could feel her slipping away just like Erin did.

He glanced up to see Adam in the doorway, “Hey man, Kim’s awake.” He said and Jay looked at Hailey one last time before following Adam down the hall. When they reached the room, Kim was watching the news with a bored look on her face.

“Hey,” Jay said, “How’re you feeling?”

Kim gave him a soft smile as he crossed to her, “I’m okay, bit of a headache. But, I’m fine.” Jay nodded, eyes focused on the floor. “How’s Hailey?”

Jay shrugged, “Still asleep.”

Silence fell between them, Adam spoke up to break it. “So, now that we are free of the prying doctors...can you tell us what happened?”

Kim nodded while the two boys sat in the seats beside her bed. “We were going to get ice cream since Hailey was so upset.” Kim froze when she realized what she had said, Jay grimaced. “Anyway, the last thing that I remember is leaving the house and then I woke up on the floor of the garage. Hailey was still out when I woke up, so I tried to get her to wake up and I kept trying to open the door of my car, but it was locked. Then I remember Hailey hitting the window with a tennis racket, then I’m pretty sure I vomited. After that, I don’t remember anything.”

Adam nodded, “Okay, we need a fake story, to tell the police. They are bound to come by soon right?”

“Yeah…” Jay said, he was only half paying attention to them. He was trying to piece everything together, if Hailey had been trying to break the window then how did she end up all the way on the opposite side of the garage? How long did she lay there before they got there? What was she trying to do? His mind was racing.

“So, we tell them that I accidentally locked my keys in my car and when I tried to get something to open it, the door fell and we couldn’t lift it up. Skip all the middle stuff, and we both woke up here?” Kim suggests.

Adam agrees, “I think that it’s the only way we can spin this, I mean it’s going to make the two of you sound like idiots…”

“I know.” Kim grumbles.

“I’m glad we’re all on the same page, I think I’m going to head back.” Jay says, standing. He doesn’t wait for a response before he walks out of the room.

Part of him is so angry, he’s been trying to convince himself that it wasn’t Adam’s fault for hours but it’s not working. And, it seemed so unfair that Kim was fine and Hailey wasn’t when Kim was the intended target. Unless Kim wasn’t the intended target, he had no idea. Nothing made sense and the one person that could help him was still not responsive.

Not long after he returned to his perch by Hailey’s bed, Trudy announced that she was going to go update her husband and grab them lunch. Jay muttered a thank you before she left. Trudy left the hospital feeling uneasy, she hated watching the young man be in pain but it was comforting to know that Hailey had someone like him in her corner.

Jay sat back in his chair at the foot of Hailey’s bed, he pulled out his phone, deciding that he could find something to do to pass the time before he could look into those beautiful blue eyes again.

“Ohmigod.” Someone said, and Jay’s head snapped up. There was a petite, blonde woman standing in the doorway. She glanced over at him, her eyes widening. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you there.”

Jay stood cautiously, “You’re fine.” He smiled nervously, his hand scratching the back of his neck. Jay looked at the woman with a cocked eyebrow, attempting to get her to introduce herself.

She must have gotten the memo because she stepped forward and stuck out her hand. “I’m Anne, Upton. Hailey’s mom.”

Jay immediately noticed the resemblance, feeling stupid for not thinking that before. “Jay.” He said, shaking her hand.

“Are you her boyfriend?” She asked, glancing between him and her daughter.

Jay blushed. He wished. “No, just a good friend.” Anne nodded, but he was pretty sure that she didn’t believe him.

Anne took Hailey’s hand in hers and Jay took a few steps back, considering leaving the room all together, but he couldn’t convince himself to walk out. “Do you know what happened? Trudy was very vague on the phone…” She trailed off, looking at him with glassy eyes.

“Uh, we had all made plans to hang out, so Adam and I--Adam is one of our friends--picked up Kevin and headed to Kim’s. Um, Hailey was at Kim’s house, she’s Adam’s girlfriend. Anyway…” Jay cursed himself for stuttering so much. This should not be so difficult. “Kim woke up a few hours ago and she told us that she accidentally locked her keys in her car and when they were looking for something to open the door, the garage door fell off it’s hinge.” Jay sighed, having successfully told their made up story. “Adam and I pried the door open when we got there and found him passed out on the floor, Kim said that Hailey tried to break the window with a tennis racket.”

Anne smiled softly, proud of her daughter for doing her best in a bad situation. “Kim, the other girl, is she alright?”

Jay nodded, “She’s fine.”

“Good,” Anne swallowed hard, fighting back tears. “Thank you for being here with her.”

“Of course.” Jay gave her a reassuring smile, but he didn’t know if it was for her sanity or his.

Anne wiped a tear from under her eye. “Do they know when she’s going to wake up?”

“They said it would be at some point today…” Jay said, shrugging. He took a moment to take her in. He realized that this wasn’t the first time that her mother had stood over her uncious body in a hospital and it made his blood boil. Hailey didn’t deserve any of this, and her mom seemed so kind. It took him a bit before he noticed that he was intently checking Anne’s exposed skin for any signs of harm. When he found one his breath caught in his throat, there was a dark bruise poking out from under her short sleeve blouse and it was a scary reminder that Hailey’s past situation was all too real.

A few minutes of silence pass before Anne speaks up again, “Is she happy here?”

Jay thinks about it for a second. He really hoped she was. Even in the middle of the shitshow they were living, they had all managed to find ways to laugh and have fun, ways to just be tennagers for a little while. “I think so.” He said, a lopsided grin on his face. “I know that he makes the rest of us really happy.” Jay wanted to add an “especially me” to the end, but he figured the last person he should send mixed signals to is her mother.

Before Anne could respond another person walked into the room. “Sorry I took so long, I had to find parking and then figure out what room she was in…” The man looked up and gave Jay a questioning look. He looked at Anne, “Who’s this?”

Anne smiled, “Honey this is Jay, he’s a friend of Hailey’s.”

The man gave Jay a megawatt smile and stuck out his hand. “Nice to meet you son, I’m Eldon, Hailey’s father.”

…

A/N: Hey guys! Sorry my updates have been so sporadic! Classes just started and I am drowning in organic chem homework. I hope you enjoyed the nugget from season 2 that I snuck into this chapter, it seemed fitting. Thanks for reading!

@lissethsrojas @fuckyeahkillianemma @puckluck28 @chilly7188 @thebigapocalypsewolf @karihighman

[therealhousewivesofsocialjustice]

RHONY Season 13 Episode 3 & RHOBH Season 11 Episode 1

*There's nothing like a good old fashioned Morning After wake up after a Houswives party, although Leah's fake burning man was relatively tame. Or at least the sceaming was intentional, not because they'd all imbibed in too much pinot grigio and made passive aggressive comments to each other. I actually think that Eboni starting in on Ramona with "the help" comment was a good strategy. It's more classist than racist, and frankly that's criticism that Ramona would love to get because it's saying that she's rich. Lu's "that's part of the package with Ramona" is the exact attitude that has been my gripe for eleven god damn years. The other women know, objectively, that Ramona is a bad person. It's not like disliking her or starting fights gets anyone less airtime on these things - why not call her out? Or, furthermore, why continue to be friends with somene like that? Incidentally, I do think Lu has demonstrated personal growth in this area, even though Sonja was, in fact, being passive aggressive (that's more like it!).

*As the ladies move on to their wine tasting (with a group that is 2/5 sober which I thought was an interesting choice), we are reminded, once again, that Eboni K. Williams has the patience of a saint. Especially when she tells Ramona that she gets that she's using "the help" literally becasue they help her. Ramona's stupid but she's not that kind of stupid. She knows it's derogatory, which we know because she knew that Eboni had a problem with that incident before Eboni even said anything. Eboni made her point in this instance - saying "the help" is derogatory. Ramona gets it. Great. She is still a classist, racist, horrible human being.

*Now...Leah takes a different track. Which, I have to confess, is more how I handle these arguments. (By the way, getting aggressive where Eboni was calm and patient is a symptom of our privilege, which I realize.) Eboni's way may be more effective in the moment. But Ramona still views "her help" as beneath her as people. So I'm not sure why explaining it to her calmly and rationally without calling her an awful human being is a preferable response. This is my problem with all of these frankly idiotic and insulting think pieces on how we have to be nice to and reach out to Trump supporters. Because they've showed all of us so much grace for the past four years, or done anything to deserve even an ounce of kindness? Who cares? Ramon is a liar, Trump supporters - all of them, across the board - are disgusting, and I don't care that Leah got aggressive and loud.

Now, off to California...*OC theme song plays*

*Right off the bat, I just want to reitirate, that this blog is going to be about how the Housewives handle social justice, not just...regular justice. So I probably won't be commenting much on Erika and Tom's legal battles. Although personally I'm prone to the Occom's Razor theory, and I think the most likely scenario is...she probably knew something.

*It seems like most of these ladies were responsible during Covid, although I'm not super thrilled about the Kemsley-Umansky sojourn to Mexico.

It was good to see how they were all coping, since they were just finishing up at the beginning of quarantine and things were...well, a bit chaotic, for them and, you know, humanity. I instantly liked Crystal sharins so much of Chinese culture with the women! I also am extremely Type A so she's my kind of gal. I did find it a bit sad that she felt the compulsion to refer to Chinese customs and traditions as "weird."

*There were only two things in this episode that really gave me pause. One was Garcelle's clip from a commentating position where she used the tired, as John Mulaney rightly calls it, "bananas insulting" expression about buying the cow when you get the milk for free. Everyone gives the milk away for free these days henny, sorry to break it to ya. It was a stupid expression then and it's stupid now so let's just not. Also, Erika's reluctance to seeing a mental health profressional. I'm sorry, I thought we were over that? Like, are we seriously still out here like, "ThErApY iS fOr WeAk PeOpLe, I'm BeTtEr ThAn ThAt!" Come on y'all.

*Other than that, not much to report on in Beverly Hills yet, although the previews assure that won't last long. See ya soon! (YES, I know I'm several episodes behind, I will attempt to catch up to be in real time before the RHONY reunion...we'll see!)