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panlight · 3 years ago

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You've said before how Esme and Emmett could be removed from the story fairly easily and not affect the plot. How would you write them to actually have a purpose? How would you make them more than "Carlisle's and Rosalie's spouses"? In what ways could they impact the plot/story beyond being "Team Bella"?

Just having them spend actual time with Bella and develop a relationship that is more show than tell would help a lot. Like Esme is always saying stuff like "you're part of the family" and Emmett says stuff like "everything's more fun when you're around" but everything is so E/B (or Jacob) focused that we're just supposed to take it as gospel that Bella loves and cares for these other characters despite seeing like . . . no development with them. Even MS doesn't quite fix this, although it tries with Emmett, it's still in a "He instantly decided to love and protect this human based on like two seconds of interaction" way. That's nice of him, but it doesn't feel organic, it doesn't feel like he got to know Bella as a person. Especially since this happens literally after the baseball game on literally the first day he's met her.

The cut "Emmett and the bear" except would have helped here. They are actually spending time together and talking. It feels much more natural. Emmett as a parallel to Bella makes him more relevant, as a human chosen by a vampire. But Esme's experience is even more relevant (teenage girl meets a vampire, fancies herself irrevocably in love) and it's . . . never mentioned in canon at all.

With Esme the answer seems to be make Renee's crappy parenting more explicit and thus Esme as the surrogate mom more literal. As I've said before, I didn't think Renee came off that badly in Twilight (by Eclipse I was starting to side-eye her when she skipped the graduation, but that felt like an Author decision with SM going like "crap I already had Bella go to Florida and do the Renee thing, I don't have anything else to do with her" and made up an excuse for her NOT to come more than anything character-driven by Renee, who DID instantly come to Phoenix when Bella was injured in Twilight and DID come in New Moon when Bella was depressed). But in Life & Death and Midnight Sun it seems SM is fully all-in on the No, Renee Legitimately Sucks thing. Originally I just read it as "extroverted type B mom not the type of mom introverted type A daughter would prefer" vs "actual nightmare neglectful narcissist."

So if we make Bella someone who actively LONGED for a mother-figure, who was not only missing that in her life but WANTING it, Esme might have been more relevant. But because SM tried to make Bella SO MATURE and SO ADULT by calling her parents be their first names I never quite bought into this idea that she 'needed' Esme or would cling to her as a mother. Also just like, Breaking Dawn. All of Breaking Dawn. Why was the baby thing only centered on Rosalie?? Esme's backstory is just as much about that! Esme had actually been pregnant! Actually had a baby! Hell, Esme ran away to protect her unborn baby from its father--there are parallels there with Bella recruiting Rosalie as a bodyguard. And we get . . . absolutely nothing. Zip. Nada. Esme just flits about and looks worried and that's about it. The movie at least tried to make her more of a presence and a force, at the insistence of Elizabeth Reaser. Esme could have been a much bigger player in BD.

One easy thing to make these characters feel more relevant that would take like zero effort on SM's part is have some of the BD witnesses be Emmett's friends or Esme's friends rather than them literally all being Carlisle's. You're telling me affable dudebro Emmett doesn't have some dudebro and himbo vampire friends? Get out of here. Give me a vampire frat pack who play blood pong. Maybe there's another Sasha Denali type vampire mother out there whom Esme made friends with and appeals to her for help.

The other thing is that maybe it would have been nice if one single plot point wasn't about Bella or her kid? If some vampire who had beef with Emmett or something showed up and was causing trouble and Vampire Bella protected everyone from THAT, when it wasn't about her, that seems more impressive and heroic to me? And better payback for all the times Cullens protected her. And it would make Emmett (or whoever) a more integral part of the story, and we could learn more about him as we get the backstory on whatever happened between this vampire he pissed off and him. Or like Maria showing up. Or someone from Esme's past. Or literally anything. Bella can be the main character without every. single. plot. point. revolving around her. The closest we get to this is the James/Alice thing, but that doesn't really go anywhere in the end. And even Victoria's revenge is weirdly about Bella, "A mate for a mate." Cool, but Edward didn't kill James!! Emmett and Jasper did! So why does she want to inflict pain on EDWARD? Clearly because they're the main characters (and a human is an easier target than Rosalie or Alice I guess, haha).

#asks

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witcherscreenshotsdump · 3 years ago

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Hey Bububull! Can you give us a quick insight of your thoughts for this second season? SPOILER INCOMING : I didn't like it but I'm frustrated cause I saw some qualities and the ending really send us toward the Thanned Coup arc. It's frustrating cause like I said there's the potential, some scenes were good but I don't get the whole fanfiction around the characters (like Yen lose her magic, ciri possessed by Voleth Meir wtf???!) and the eskel thing made me cringe like hell no why? frustration/20

Hey !! my thoughts were summed up already in this post but i'm guessing you want more details?

okay good things first then:

Mimi Ndiweni as Fringilla, i was always pleased to see her on screen, her interactions with francesca were cute ( 'it's not terrible' * cue shy smile* oh baby, baby girl ) she's too good to be in this shitshow

the editing effects used on Vereena's movements were very creepy

that one dwarven lady with her beard looking great and cute who appears 5 seconds !!!!!!!!! love you girl !!! the show should have been about you and your bearded ladies friends

rience actor was intimidating

you can see the big rat pelt on Ciri's wall at kaer morhen, cute but would have benefited from a previous short establishing shot showing monsters pelts on the walls of the other witchers

Jarre was perfect to me, exatly how I imagined him

Philippa looking awesome TOO BAD THE SHOW SAID FUCK YOU AND HAD HER AS AN OWL FOR 99.99999999 % OF THE SHOW

witcher dude has more than 2 words of vocabulary now !!! yay!

now as to what exactly soured the experience... lemme seee.....

was it the cringy dialogue ( i know, i really insist on this but it REALLY sounds like a kid writting their first wattpad fic of...idk the lord of rings, making the entire fellowship say every variation of 'fuck' every 10 words because they want to be like a grown up who can use swear words and the teacher isn't there to be mad at them for doing so )

...

you know what? now that i think of it... it sounds exactly like 'my immortal ' dialogues, incredible truly

was it that the music was incredibly discreet and forgetable?? it was one of the good point of S1, what the hell happened??

was it that everything drags while somehow feeling rushed?? how did they managed to do that?

was it that they caved in to the dudebros who wanted a ginger Triss ( pssst the hair color thing was just an excuse you know ? :) the actual problem for these people is that Anna isn't white, that's why you shouldn't have changed anything about her ) and then in the same breath make petty jabs at book fans for wanting the story to be more faithful to the source material AS THEY SAID THEY WOULD BEFORE S1 WAS RELEASED ( i did not forget those snobby tweets about ' WE'LL BE FAITHFUL TO THE SOURCE ' and 'AcTUallY We'RE ADAptING The BOOKS nOt The GAMES UwU ' targeted at the game fans who were being dicks about the firsts visuals of S1, those tweets gave me hope back then, oh how wrong i was to even have a slither of hope ) and now you piss on the books and try to suck it up as much as you can to the game :)

was it the fact that it call itself an adaptation when it's 90% fanfiction? and a bad one at that? seriously Vesemir wants to create more witchers now? useless leshen attack in kaer morhen? useless not-eskel death? even more useless sex workers in the very secret witcher hide-out? the whole thing with the demon? the possessing Ciri bit ? her killing the no name witchers? Vesemir stabbing her? the whole monolith buisness with the stallecite or whatever it's was called ? Ehmyr telling the whole court about Ciri being his daughter????????? lmao what a mess

also Ciri is way too OP way too fast???

was it the fact that once again the Yennefer/Ciri relationship is written off in favor of the paternal relationship with Witcher dude??? ( psst did you know that in the source material Ciri NEVER calls Geralt her father? but she explicitly calls Yen her mother several times? and yen calls her her daughter too? :), i'm blaming the games for this shift )

was it the fact that chemistry is completely absent between witcher dude and any other character ( wooden acting doesn't help )

WAS IT THAT IT WAS SO FUCKING BORING, at the end of the day all i ask of a show is to entertain me, and here i wasn't. i was unable to even enter the universe because i kept being put off by poor editing, bad storytelling, poorly written characters and dialogues, i just felt like i was wasting my time

and last but not least:

henry cavill acting is very bad and it's even more jarring when he is next to other actors who aren't just T-posing ( well, A-posing technically ) and doing more than 2 facial expressions

and those CONTACTS dear god, those contacts makes him look like a bad taxidermy, why keep them??? they cleary don't care for the lore, why not drop the bad yellow eyes for witcher dude?? Geralt probs doesn't even have yellow eyes in the books

seriously, like , you're watching a scene and one character is talking and doing their thing then the camera pans to witcher dude and he stand there like

( ha! same pose for the arms too lol , put some plastic armor on him and no one will see the difference )

#twsd.txt #twn critical #i still refuse to call the witcher dude from this show geralt

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airenyah · 4 years ago

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what are the gayest destiel episodes you can think of?

ohhhhh i gotchu hold on (this is basically gonna end up being a list of my fave destiel episodes lmaooo)

ok so just a heads-up, i don’t really remember much from s10 onwards (a lot of those episodes i haven’t actually watched since they aired whoops) and i’m currently stuck at the beginning of s9 on my complete rewatch soooo this list focuses only on the first half of the show. i might do an update if i ever manage to finish my rewatch (and remember to post an update at all when the time comes)

ok here we go:

4x16 - On the Head of a Pin

dean calls cas “cas” to his face for the very first time

dean is all “you can't ask me to do this, cas. not this.” (about torturing alastair) and uriel is all “who said anything about asking”, but cas is all: “this is too much to ask, i know. but we have to ask it” and that is the moment that dean realizes that cas cares about him and his feelings/well-being and that’s when he demands to speak to cas alone

and it’s only after cas tells dean he really doesn’t want dean being forced to do the torturing that Dean gives in (”i would give anything not to have you do this”)

like, it’s so obvious already how much cas cares about dean already and we’re only in s4

cas is even starting to go down the path of disobedience (with a little help from anna admittedly, but still. he’s starting to consider it)

they’re so?? comfortable?? with each other. when cas visits dean at the hospital in the end

4x22 - Lucifer Rising

dean literally makes an angel fall in this ep, i mean come on... (the way cas shows up behind him all “you asked to see me” after dean smashes the angel statue cracks me up every single time gsdlka)

dean desperately trying to get cas to help him (bc he knows that IF there’s an angel that would help him it’s cas)

cas is too afraid though and dean gets pissed and literally breaks up with him (D: "you spineless, soulless son of a bitch. what do you care about dying? you're already dead. we're done." C: "dean-" D: "we're done!")

this is the episode in which cas makes his decision and chooses dean over heaven

5x03 - Free to Be You and Me

in the previous episode sam and dean had a fight and split up. this episode starts out with dean being pissed and annoyed and just in a bad mood in general

when cas shows up and asks for help dean is very grumpy and doesn’t want to help at first but then reluctantly agrees

throughout the episode, the more time dean spends with cas the better his mood gets (honestly this point is worthy of its own separate post, i have enough screenshots lmao)

like he’s even smiling at the end of the ep when he’s talking to cas in the car!! (except then he looks over and realizes cas has left mid-conversation again and that smile is wiped right off his face and i’m sad :( )

when they’re in that brothel dean mostly has eyes for cas, even when chastity the hooker is standing right next to him

after the brothel incident when dean is cracking up and goes “it's been a long time since I've laughed that hard. it's been more than a long time. years.” like... buddy. your crush is showing.

and the way cas smiles lovingly at dean laughing next to him

dean be like: “personal space” also dean: *reaches into cas’s coat without hesitation* *fixes cas’s shirt and tie without hesitation*

also the funniest thing about the whole “personal space” moment in the motel is that there was more than enough space for dean to step aside and increase the distance between him and cas if he had really been all that uncomfortable but he just. doesn’t. no he just stays right where he is

when raphael is trapped in the holy oil and threatens cas all “castiel, I'm warning you. do not leave me here. i will find you.” and cas goes “maybe one day. but today, you're my little bitch.” and walks away and dean tells raphael “what he said” like the impressed and proud boyfriend that he is

inside jokes (see here)

some more iconic quotes/moments from this episode:

“cas, we’ve talked about this. personal space”

“so, what, i'm thelma and you're louise and we're just going to hold hands and sail off this cliff together?”

“well. last night on earth. what are your plans?” “i just thought i'd sit here quietly.”

“let me tell you something. there are two things i know for certain. one, bert and ernie are gay. two, you are not gonna die a virgin. not on my watch.”

5x14 - My Bloody Valentine

hunter husbands!!

the way that dean is not in the mood for hook-ups on valentine’s day and then goes to stare at cas like That

that iconic phone call at the hospital where cas just appears in front of dean who nearly runs into him

cas be looking at sam while listing all the things people can be starving for, and then looks at dean before saying “love”

ok i know this doesn’t have that many points but really this entire ep is great, i very much enjoy all the interactions between cas and dean in this ep

like when dean is not hungry and cas is all “you're not gonna finish that?” and grabs the plate without waiting for an answer bc they’re this married in s5 already

6x20 - The Man Who Would Be King

i mean... this one is obvious isn’t it

this ep is literally all about how cas is doing everything for the winchesters aka dean

the way sam and bobby cautiously voice their suspicions of cas to dean has the same energy as carefully breaking it to a family member that you think their partner is cheating on them

and when they trap cas in the holy oil and confront him dean also acts like a betrayed wife(gn)

which is such a stark contrast to how sam and bobby react to the betrayal (they’re mostly just like “eh this sucks” while dean is emotionally affected)

and even in the following episodes dean is way more affected by cas’s betrayal than sam and bobby are and dean is the one who argues the most with cas (honestly, this entire arc is literally that post that’s all “how do i know dean is in love with cas? bc sam isn’t”)

ok but the holy oil scene is truly like a soap opera (i mean... “where were you when i needed to hear it?” “i was there. where were you?” and dean looking back at cas one last time before running away)

this is their first big break-up and it takes them until the s7 finale to make up

special shoutout to cas watching dean rake leaves

this ep is a LOT

7x17 - The Born-Again Identity

dean’s FACE when he sEES CAS. and then DEAN’S FACE AGAIN when “emmanuel” is all “what’s your issue?”

dean’s face all throughout that first scene with “emmanuel” and daphne, I’M

“you know, I used to be able to just shake this stuff off. you know, whatever it was. It might take me some time, but... i always could. what cas did... i just can't – i don't know why” BECAUSE YOU’RE IN LOVE WITH HIM, IDIOT

the way dean interrupts all irritated when meg goes “i think we're gonna be good friends too” at “emmanuel” (jealous bf much gsdlksafd)

the way dean kept the trenchcoat just in case so he can give it back to cas should he return (which ofc he did)!!!!

7x21 - Reading is Fundamental

yet another one of those “how do I know dean is in love with cas? bc sam isn’t”

at the beginning of the ep at some point sam’s phone rings and when he says that meg (who is watching over cas at the mental hospital) is calling, dean is quick to stand up and even tho meg called sam, dean is the one who ends up having the phone call with her lmao

also dean has no chill during that phone call lmao (he’s irritated when he finds out meg didn’t call them right then and there as soon as cas woke up and he’s immediately concerned when meg says cas is different, while sam’s just standing there holding his phone out to dean, being all ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ lmao)

dean: *pissed af at cas* also dean: *almost breaks his own neck at the speed with which he whips his head around at the mention of cas’s name and is desperate to know his location when cas calls meg after dean blasted him away with some other angels at the hospital*

ok no but then meg tells cas their location and cas zaps into the car and it’s hilarious how quick dean is to interrupt whenever cas turns his attention to meg in that scene

8x07 - A Little Slice of Kevin

dean seeing cas everywhere

when you see your best dudebro outside the window in the middle of a storm but when you get up he’s gone and you feel like crap because you could’ve made it out of the war zone together and you just cannot fathom why he didn’t try harder and you just don’t understand why you’re feeling what you’re feeling (and judging by dean’s reaction to sam’s suggestion, clearly it’s not survivor’s guilt)

dean’s FACE when cas suddenly appears behind him in the bathroom

jacting joices: the infamous boner scene (yet another example of “how do I know dean is in love with cas? bc sam isn’t”)

jacting joices pt 2: sam and dean are talking case and then cas walks over to join the conversation and there is literally no reason for dean to check cas out (see here)

during the rescue mission when cas zaps into the room and has a stand-off with crowley and then when dean finally manages to break into the room, can i just say... the way dean immediately rushes to cas (who’s ended up on the floor) and grabs him by the shoulder before he bothers to look around the room

D: “that was a bonehead move back there. you could have gotten yourself killed. why didn't you wait for me?” C: “well, i didn't get killed. and it worked” D: “and if it didn't?” C: “it would have been my problem.” D: “well, that's not the way i see it.”

the purgatory flashbacks when dean keeps insisting that cas is coming along with them back to earth and won’t hear otherwise

“i did everything I could to get you out – everything! i did not leave you.” “so you think this was your fault?”

“look, I don't need to feel like hell for failing you, okay? for failing you like i've failed every other godforsaken thing that i care about! i don't need it!”

i know we hate buckleming but this episode, man. this episode

8x08 - Hunteri Heroici

i was gonna put this as a special shoutout but then it turned out that i had more to say about this ep than i initially thought

it’s the way dean and cas keep gravitating towards each other in the first half of the episode. no seriously, they somehow keep ending up beside each other and you start wondering “what’s personal space” (friendly reminder that this is the ep right after they’re finally back together again after purgatory)

the married energy and the bickering

the “talk to me” scene where cas finally opens up to dean (but then interrupting moose strikes)

at the retirement home dean to sam and cas: “no flirting you two” then CUT to: dean and cas sitting at a table with an elderly lady who is staring at cas with heart eyes and... lady: “you are so pretty, charles” dean: *must look at young nurse’s butt immediately to distract myself from gay thoughts*

i’m sorry but the way he smiles so widely at cas at one point when they’re talking to that lady, like, she’s just called cas a bounder and dean’s amused about that but his amusement is not in any way malicious and his face is just so full of love when he looks at Cas, it’s embarrassing really (see here)

9x06 - Heaven Can't Wait

ok so i haven’t watched this ep in like 5 years so my memories on this aren’t as fresh as with the previous eps but! it’s the way that cas and dean act exactly like exes (who are still in love with each other) in this ep

dean’s face as he’s staring at cas through the shop window

dean’s smile when he shows up inside the shop

the entire “i can’t let you do this cas” scene in the car

the infamous fanfiction gap

special shout out to:

5x18 - Point of No Return for all the bickering (“you know what? blow me, cas”) and especially “well, cas, not for nothing, but the last person who looked at me like that… i got laid.”

6x10 - Caged Heat for the pizza man and dean’s reaction to all the megstiel (like jealous bf much?)

6x19 - Mommy Dearest for the strong married energy dean and cas give off in this ep (honestly, all their bickering, it’s glorious) (friendly reminder that this is right before tmwwbk)

7x23 - Survival of the Fittest for the “i’d rather have you cursed or not” scene

8x02 - What's Up, Tiger Mommy? for the purgatory flashbaks with that one monster calling cas dean’s angel and the reunion scene by the river with highlights such as “nice peach fuzz” and “i prayed to you cas, every night” and “i have a price on my head, and i've been trying to stay one step ahead of them, to – to keep them away from you” and “cas, we're getting out of here. we're going home” and “cas, buddy, i need you” and “let me bottom-line it for you. i'm not leaving here without you. understand?”

8x17 - Goodybe Stranger for “i don't know, dean. if he's so sketchy, then why were you praying to him?” and the entire crypt scene (yes this is a big one and yes i’m still only putting it as a special shoutout and yes it’s bc of the megstiel content this ep ok bye <3)

#there is also the late s9 ep where cas chooses dean over an angel army #then i vaguely remember 11x03 being a good destiel ep #and the s12 ep with the ''i love you. i love all of you''??#i know people are still going crazy over the mix tape but i don't remember if the ep itself was very gay #oh and 13x06 - tombstone gets talked about a lot as well #when cas comes back to life at the end of the widower arc and dean goes from extremely depressed to happy af #15x09 was a pretty good one as well i think #and ofc 15x18 with the big ''i love you''#anyway this was fun #i should really continue with my spn rewatch #but the thing is that i'm actually journaling and making notes #and that requires brain #and i currently just don't have the energy to make all this effort just for a tv show #who knows if i'm ever gonna finish this project #oh well #asks #anon #destiel #spn #lmk if i've missed anything (from s4-s8 that is)

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yamchaas · 3 years ago

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Welcome back to Jessie Yamchaas drink and episode reviews- Today we will be reviewing- Episode 71 of Dragon ball Super and Green Tea topped with whipped cream cheese concoction I saw in a youtube video late last night that disturbed me, keep reading if either of these intrigue you-

First things first, I had to make my drink to accompany my episode rewatch, here he is in all his glory:

Looks wise? Not the prettiest drink, slightly “shreks swamp after the honeymoon” vibes, but looks don’t matter- it’s about the taste. Taste wise? This shit disgusting, what in the actual fuck- Janice, girl, you said this was nice in your video what is this- The whipped cream cheese sits on top of the bitter tea so your first sip is straight up just this weird cream cheese and then you get bitter tea and its fuckin bad- 0.5/5, won’t make again.

Okay now we have that horror out of the way lets move on to something less terrible, surely- Yamcha playing baseball :)

Okay, first things first- animation. WHERE THE HELL IS YAMCHA’S CAKE? WHERE HE FUCKIN THIGHS AND HIS BUTT AT? BASEBALL TIGHT PANTS ARE WONDERFUL BUT WHERE ALL THE MEAT GONE?? YAMCHA ALWAYS HAD MEAT BRO, HE ALWAYS HAD JUICY THIGHS BRO 😭- Okay but with that out of my system there no other glaring issues with the animation in this episode, sure some of the distant shots are funky but I’m not bothered too greatly by that, it’s actually fairly well done- I especially appreciate the scenes where they focus on Yamcha’s technique and of course the cool wolf shot sings to me so all and all no complaints beyond Yamcha being too small.

As for plot, Champa and Beerus are having a “friendly” match between universes 6 and 7, hijinks ensue- This is filler, there’s not much plot to speak on.

Utterly in love with the line from Yamcha that he left Tien and Chiaotzu behind, super funny and a nice little throwback to the Res F movie- Also, they’re married <3 But I do just have to say it does utterly flummox me that Tien is not included in this episode, there’s genuinely no reason for him not to be here and I can’t help but to imagine how fun the episode could have been if Tien was on the universe 6 team to even out the numbers- They never gave us the Yamcha/Tien rematch at the tournament so it could have been a fun way of giving us some kind of rematch and banter all these years later, but sadly they just didn’t take the opportunity- Also no Tien Baseball Tight pants 😭😭 Disappointing.

Whis and Vados look nice :) Vegeta being obsessed with topping Goku once more, nothing new here. Gohan’s a sweety, also nothing new here.

Now some positives: Yamcha being so encouraging and a good team leader is very sweet to see, love that actually. I also love that they made these amazing warriors not very good at something that isn’t fighting, like it’s comical but it’s also nice in a way? Like yes, Goku is unbelievable in so many ways but he struggles to learn baseball- Its nice to be reminded these characters have flaws and struggle in different aspects of life, just like regular people do too- Really like that.

Love them incorporating Yamcha’s use of spirit control into his baseball skills, it’s just fun and cool, no complaints from me at all.

Piccolo being good at baseball is cute and I like it.

Now on to everything else-

This episode truly hurts my feelings, it’s so unnecessarily mean for no reason and I know people might say “but doesn’t he technically win? and wasn’t he better than everyone?” Those are the only scraps he gets- Literally Yamcha speaks in a total of 10 super episodes and this is the only episode that we could even vaguely call a Yamcha episode and it’s just a joke on him 90% of the time-

18 questioning if Yamcha should be captain and being nasty about his skills truly fucks me off- Like he’s been the best baseball player on earth for 20+ years, the show acts like Yamcha is completely useless and it just grates on me- Yamcha trained with King Kai, he can hold his own against the ginyu force- He’s not weak. He’s just plainly not!! Sure he’s not Goku level, or even Piccolo, but that’s okay, because he is human!! He’s still an amazing martial artist and baseball player and he’s also a good friend with a kind heart. The show playing into the useless pathetic Yamcha memes is cheap. It’s just cheap.

As for the he weird, kinda implied Bulma/Yamcha stuff in this ep HATE HATE MALICE BITE KILL- Actually fuck off. The blush pisses me off so bad- Like Yamcha has never acted hung up on Bulma, he was a bit annoyed when Trunks was a tiny baby, which was fair! But other than that he just treated her like a regular friend, no unrequited love. Also I’m pretty sure this is the nicest Bulma has ever been to Yamcha... Ever. In like the entire series as a whole. So... That’s telling.

Also supers insistence that Yamcha’s this cocky, smarmy guy will never cease pissing me off! The Yamcha we leave in Dragon Ball Z has been remarkably chill and humble for years, so why now is he suddenly a dickhead again? This is more prevalent in other episodes but does feature here too. Bad writing- Bad characterization. Bad.

And it ends on the dead fucking Yamcha meme pose- Because of course it does. Because it’s cheap and it’s nasty and that’s all there is to it. They took a character that used to be a main character. A loved character. And they played into the dudebro, abridged series, meme-ifcation to get cheap laughs rather than give this character the dues he deserves. They literally couldn’t even give him one (1) episode. This is actually worse than the fucked cream cheese green tea drink- By a large margin.

NOTABLE, QUOTABLE:

“C’mon let’s see some pep in your step!”

“Wow- It’s been a long time since I’ve seen Yamcha this fired up!” 😭😭 Dude seeing Yamcha confident and excited and Goku being so happy makea me 😭😭

“Let the Yamcha show you what it’s like to dominate on the mound-” I’ll let The Yamcha dominate on my moun- *Comically large hook snatches me by the neck, pulling me and my computer chair off stage*

“The wolf fang pitching fist ball-” Tien, I need you to kiss this man on his dumb mouth, please.

“Yeah for a washed up fighter that’s not bad.” 18 I GOT MAD LOVE FOR YOU BUT IMMA THROW HANDS WITH YOU BITCH IF YOU KEEP THIS UP- “But Jess she’s a powerful android and you’re some chick-” Yeah but don’t you know the power of love is the strongest force in the world? Also I grew up in the country and have reserved farm strength so 😤

“It’s an honour to have this of bat” Cabba I dont know what the fuck this means but I’m fuckin happy to see you mate- You a good boy!! “Watch closely master, I’m going to hit this and prove I’m worthy of your teaching-’ stupid lil bitch ass vegtea don’t deserve this sweety 😤

“What are you even doing here, I’m totally out of my league, at this rate I’d be lucky to walk off the field alive... C’mon Yamcha, keep your head in the game, we are going to win this.” TIEN IF YOU DONT GENTLY AND SWEETLY BRUSH THIS MANS CHOPPY MULLET FROM HIS FACE AND SWEETLY KISS HIS LIPS ON GOD-

Winning shot of the epsiode:

Thanks for tuning in to my review of drink and episode uhhhhhh see you again uhhhhhhh if someone gives me a drink and a episode to watch :)

#meta #?#i dont know what this is #snaps reviews are like a professor- so indepth and well thought out #mine are like a professor who had bad bag if cocaine and is being escorted off campus #CUT IT OUT YAMCHA #dragon ball super #yeah i have nothi else to say

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neverheardnothing · 4 years ago

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Is billions worth to watch?

man that’s the billion fucking dollar question isn’t it.

well it depends on what you’re trying to get out of it and i’ll break it down into 3 different levels. i am assuming you’re a will fan since you’re sending this to me but i guess you could also be a random person who has seen me posting in the billions tag. anyways here we go.

1. you are legitimately interested in watching a show

regardless of who is in it. basic rundown is that billions is a show about a cat and mouse game between a hedge fund ceo and a government attorney. every single character in this show is a terrible person who does terrible things to get what they want (with a few exceptions). what they want might be for “good” like stopping other shit people from doing their terrible things, but they do shit things to try to get there. that’s part of the fun and drama. there are a few characters who feel Bad when they do shit things and the moral quandary they go is another added level of fun to watch.

i, personally, do not have a fun time watching this, but have heard that the appeal of watching the show is that you get to see terrible people be terrible to each other. expect character to go out the window for insane plot reasons. don’t try to think too hard about anything that happens because the answer is almost always simply just because. since this show is on showtime, they get to say and do some very Explicit rated stuff. the opening scene of the show is a guy getting pissed on by a dominatrix. the characters get to say fuck. a lot.

basically if you want to turn your brain off and watch a ridiculous, unrealistic drama going at 100 mph, rich people flaunting their wealth, and characters saying absolutely buckshit wild things like it’s normal then go for it. it’s not a show to be in the fandom for. it’s a show to binge watch as fast as you can and think back on in several months with slight fondness like “oh yeah, billions. i watched that show in two weeks and havent thought about it since, but it was absolutely fucking insane. good times.” that’s how people should enjoy this show if they want to imo.

2. you are here for will roland but you also want to understand what happens in the plot/interested in taylor mason

then i can direct you to this VERY handy link called the taylist (made by yours truly) named after one of the deuteragonists of the show, taylor mason (asia kate dillon), who is winston’s (will roland) boss. this playlist contains (my best attempt at getting) every scene taylor is in.

taylor is one of those characters who does bad things and feels bad about it mentioned earlier and for me it’s agonizing to watch since I Care Them. asia kate dillon is a ridiculously good actor so it’s hard not to feel for taylor. they come into the show in season 2.

you don’t miss much in season 1. chuck (government attorney) tries to get well liked billionaire axe (hedge fund ceo) in trouble by proving he is trading on inside information (illegal). the drama comes in when wendy, chuck’s wife, is also the performance coach at axe capital. the season progresses. axe tells wendy something that if revealed could get him in trouble. chuck breaks into wendy’s computer and uses it as evidence. wendy and chuck separate for the time being and wendy quits working for axe. chuck and axe have a confrontation in the axe cap offices where they end up in a giant screaming match. and that’s about it.

other worthwhile characters introduced in season 1 are ben kim and dudley mafee, both analysts at axe cap. ben is your stereotypical nice and meek asian math guy but over the course of the show he starts growing a backbone. mafee is a dudebro and kinda himboish and in season 2 he is the one who hires taylor as an intern.

3. you are here for will roland

no. it is absolutely not worth the watch, at least right now, but i kind of doubt it’ll ever be. most of us here for will roland have not seen the entire show (with a few exceptions) and we’re doing just fine in our winstannery lol. if you want to be extra and go for it, that’s fine, but it’s definitely not required.

will appears in 13/60 episodes and has about half an hour of screen time. his first appearance is in 3x03 and was intended to be a one-off character (quant kid #2), but apparently wrol Killed It and hit it off with asia kate dillon so much that the writers invited him back to become a recurring character. his next scenes were written while he was on set for his initial one day shoot, and you can really tell because at least for the rest of season 3, they really continue to deliver on that good asia kate dillon and will roland acting together content.

he was in 6/7 of the episodes that have aired so far in season 5 and we’re pretty sure that he will be in the rest of the episodes, as apparently the reason he wasn’t in more of season 4 was because he was busy with be more chill. chances are pretty high for him being in a lot of season 6 as it stands now.

here’s every bit of content he’s been in.

season 3-4

season 5 episode 1

season 5 episode 2

season 5 episode 3

season 5 episode 5

season 5 episode 6

season 5 episode 7

#Anonymous #teresa answers stuff #billions #sorry i took forever to answer this

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connorspiracy · 4 years ago

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Here Comes Santa Claws || Connor & Sasha

TIMING: Just before Christmas PARTIES: @connorspiracy and @sasha-r-blog CONTENT: N/A SUMMARY: Connor has a run-in with The Claw

Connor hadn’t been out of the hospital for long before he was right back out in the fray. Bug bite. Temporarily paralytic. Typical White Crest shit. It wore off within an hour or two and they’d kept him one night for observation, but he’d been back home the next day, and back out filming the next night. All in all, it’d been a fairly uneventful night. Not too common in White Crest, but it happened sometimes. He’d been heading back to his car when he passed the two drunk college bros in santa hats, probably on the way home from a Christmas party or something.

“Heyyy,” one of them slurred. “Are you a film student? Can I be in your movie?”

Apparently, it must have been the best joke ever, because they both started laughing. Connor took a drag of his cigarette, shaking his head.

“Nah, mate. Battery’s dead anyway,” he lied.

“Oh, come on,” the other one said, winking. “Is it, y’know, a dirty movie? We won’t tell anyone.”

Connor was a pretty jovial dude, but some people were really fucking annoying. He sighed. “No, documentary, but I gotta get home anyway. Have a good night, lads.”

He kept walking, but felt a hand grab his shoulder.

“Come on. Don’t be a dick.” One of them grabbed at the camera, snatching it from his hands and starting to record themselves. “Hey, battery isn’t dead, you’re full of shit.”

Sasha’s night hadn’t gone very successfully, which sucked, but wasn’t that surprising. People were out and about, but nothing criminal or suspicious or even vaguely interesting had happened within the last few hours. Sasha has been keeping a lookout of the streets from the roof of a building, but as her eyes grew bleary she thought it would probably be best to just pack it in for the night. She had a project for class she had to work on anyways. Though if she was being honest with herself she was probably just going to make some hot chocolate and go to sleep once she was back.

Climbing down the sides of the building, she ducked into an alley to get changed. She brought a pair of jeans and a sweater, enough to cover the spandex while she tucked the rest of her costume back into her backpack. But before she could even start taking off her mask, she heard some sort of commotion. Well, maybe less of a commotion and more of a disturbance. Shouldering her bag again she listened. Three voices. Two sounded like assholes, to be blunt. Also maybe drunk. And what they were saying didn’t sound like it was going in a good direction for whoever the third person was.

Okay, so maybe tonight wouldn’t be so uneventful after all.

Sasha crept through the other end of the alley, towards the noise. And as she peaked out onto the street she could see the three of them about ten feet away. How hard could it be to take down two drunk frat bros? Maybe they’d even be scared off before they got themselves hurt by the justice of The Claw.

Stepping out onto the sidewalk, Sasha tried to be menacing, amber eyes flashing as she tried to do a half hunched, crouch thing, something that looked like a tiger about to lunge. It looked cool in her head at least.

“I don’t think that camera belongs to you. How about you hand that back before you regret it.”

“Guess it has a little juice left,” Connor answered, grabbing for the camera. The other men were larger than him. He’d always been on the smaller side, a matter that didn’t especially bother him except when it came to people not believing his I.D. was real when he was trying to get a drink. Now, though, it was annoying to be unable to reach. “Give it back, dude. It’s expensive.”

“Expensive?” One of them mocked. “Aw, the widdle baby needs his expensive camera back? Did mommy and daddy get it for you, Prince William?” The words prompted more laughter from both frat bros and Connor rolled his eyes.

“Very funny. You should be on the improv team. Now if I could just--”

Before the conversation could go any further, he caught sight of the fourth person, a young woman in a domino mask with glowing yellow eyes who stepped out from the alley. One of the men almost dropped the camera in response, causing Connor’s heart to jump into his throat.

“Please, please don’t let ‘em drop it…” he begged of the stranger, and one of them shoved the camera into Connor’s chest so hard it sent him stumbling backwards.

“Whoa, nice costume,” one of the bros said. “Girl, you know it’s not Halloween any more.”

“I’m aware.” Sasha wanted that to sound cool, threatening, unaffected. Too bad she couldn’t keep the offense from her voice. “This isn’t some costume party, so why don’t you get out of here and leave that guy alone.”

She tried her best to stare down the guy who had spoken to her, but curiosity kept making her glance back at the other guy, shorter than the two meatheads and clearly in need of help. From the sounds of it that camera was expensive, good thing she had heard the trouble before these jerks broke it or ran off with it. It was almost more annoying that they seemed to just be random drunk college students. She was expecting to find some hardened criminal with a gun or knife looking to threaten a man for his money, not some dude bro assholes just starting trouble for the sake of it.

So could anyone really blame her if she wanted to show off just a little? Just like, a little warning shot. Just so they knew she meant business and didn’t get any ideas about harassing more people tonight, or commenting on their costume.

With surprising speed Sasha rushed up to the closest dude and reached for his collar. Didn’t matter that he was a good several inches taller than her and bulky, she knew she could lift him if she got a good grip.

Honestly, Connor was just glad someone was helping him out and stopping his camera from being shattered on the frosty pavement. The guy had left it rolling, and Connor saw no need to correct that as he gazed on. He was intrigued to see what might happen. Size wasn’t necessarily an indication of strength or prowess. Rio was pretty much the scrawniest guy in the world, and he had hunter strength, but surely the guys wouldn’t try and fight her, right?

“Oh, piss off,” one of them scoffed, gathering up a snowball to throw at her, only before he could let loose, the stranger cleared the distance between them almost as if by magic, hoisting the man off his feet. The snow crumpled in his hand and fell to the ground, and his friend let out a yelp.

“Yo, what the hell, lady? We were just goofing around. Put him down!”

It wasn’t visible under her toothy face mask, but Sasha grinned from ear to ear as she watched the dude she lifted up stare down at her. Shock, confusion, a bit of fear. Yeah, maybe you shouldn’t have insulted my costume.

“What the fuck!” The dude was squirming, so probably a good idea actually let go. Soon he’d start punching or kicking to get free and Sasha wasn’t planning on a full on fight unless she needed to. Still holding the one man by his collar she turned towards the other who was sporting a similar look of confusion. Why shouldn’t he be a little more freaked out too?

So Sasha threw the one dude at the other. Okay, well, tried to. Even with super strength, it turns out full on throwing a full grown man isn’t easy. The guy got more roughly pushed backwards than anything, slipping on the slightly icy sidewalk and falling shoulder first into his friend, losing his hat in the process. Maybe not as dramatic as it could have been, but she threw in another flash on amber eyes to make up for that.

The two nearly toppled to the ground together, but managed to right themselves. Pretty impressive, considering they were drunk. After a moment of getting his bearings the dude huffed out; “This lady’s either crazy or on something, let’s go.” Despite this being a really great plan on the dude’s part, the friend that hadn’t gotten picked up stared Sasha down. His eyes were still confused, but the shock was wearing off and Sasha could see his jaw clench. But the other dude tugged his arm to get him moving.

“You’re a fucking weirdo. You’re lucky I don’t punch chicks.” The lingering guy said, before finally following his friend, shouldering past the guy with the camera.

Sasha watched them leave, heart pounding in her chest still from the adrenaline, before turning toward the camera guy. Crap, okay, she needed some cool line now. Like “Have no fear citizen!” but less dorky.

“Are you okay?” was the only thing that came out of her mouth on the spot.

"You're lucky she didn't punch you," Connor scoffed at the departing dudebro, feeling a little braver now that he'd just had his honour defended by White Crest's own Black Panther. He caught his breath, letting the waves of adrenaline calm a little. The fight or flight was gone. Connor wasn't freaked out. Not in the least. The altercation with the frat boys had been less than ideal, but the sheer exhilaration of meeting this young woman had replaced any fear or concern that might have been hanging around.

"Dude, that was... awesome!" Connor was practically vibrating out of his skin. Of all the bizarre things in White Crest he was morbidly excited about, it was rare to actually find one who wasn't out to kill or maim him. "Like, actually awesome. You... uh, you saved my arse." He gave a slight chuckle. He wasn't too proud to admit it. In fact, the idea of being saved by a super cool badass chick was kind of incredible. "What's, um, what's your name? I'm Connor."

Sasha stood up a bit taller at the praise. That had actually gone well! It hadn’t really hit her until the guy with the camera spoke. Sure, it was just two drunk dudes vs. superpowers but still, she had managed to scare them off and save someone. Without thinking she let out a surprised little chuckle and hoped it was muffled under her mask.

“I’m The Claw,” She said, her grin seeping into her voice. “Protector of White Crest. No need to thank me, it is my job to make sure the citizens of town are safe from criminals and people who want to harm others.”

Connor...why did that name sound familiar? As Sasha finished her introduction she remembered the guy she had spoken to online, the one who was into ghosts. Behind her mask her grin faltered. She guessed the town wasn’t big enough to completely avoid it, but she hadn’t expected to save someone she kinda knew.

“Were those people that you know? Do you feel safe heading to wherever you are heading?” She asked, trying to get back into the mindset of The Claw.

“The Claw,” he repeated, unable to break his gaze on her. A glimmer of recognition stirred in his chest, but not for the woman. It was recognition of a different nature. A spirit. Connor kept his eyes on her, trying to see her expression through the mask, as if that would give him any clue whether she was possessed or not. “That’s, um, very noble of you.” She definitely wasn’t acting anything like the spirit inside Nadia, or almost any other possession cases he’d come across, but not all possessions had to be malicious. Their effects harmed the host regardless.

“No, I never saw them before. I think they were heading back from a holiday party or something. I’m just…” He held up his camera. Not that she hadn’t seen it when she’d zoomed in like a Knight In Batman Armour to save his arse. “I was doing some filming, but, um… actually, do you wanna walk back to the car with me? I think it’d be best if we stick together.” He wasn’t scared, not really, but he wanted to keep her close for as long as possible, see if he could garner any more clues. “How long have you been, uh, protecting White Crest?”

Sasha paused for a beat longer than intended before responding.

“Of course. I wouldn’t want those people to come back and try to hurt you again. Even if they were just being troublemakers in the moment, it is my duty to make sure you get back safe.”

She had intended to walk him back if he wanted her too and still did. But there was something uncanny about talking to Connor now the adrenaline was gone and she had recognized him. But she let him lead the way, eyes and ears peeled for if danger did show up.

She hadn’t expected the question either. Sure, superheroes get asked “who are you?” from the people they rescue all the time, but Sasha didn’t know what to do with Connor asking for details. She thought about lying for a second, saying something like “The Claw has always guarded this town,” but considering White Crest’s apparent track record with death and danger that lie would probably make her look bad.

“I only started protecting this town recently. I came when I thought it needed me most. And while those men were just drunken jerks, I’m glad I was able to help stop trouble tonight, however small.”

Was she laying it on too thick? She hadn’t exactly prepared a script for this sort of thing. She tried to keep looking straight ahead, as if somehow her nervousness would show through two layers of masks if she looked Connor in the eye.

Connor smiled to himself as he walked. She sounded like she was right out of the pages of one of the cornier Superman comics, but there was also something endearing about it. “If any town needs a bloody superhero, it’s this one,” he snickered. He could feel something spiritual about her, but it didn’t feel malicious. He felt drawn to her, a need to investigate beyond just the mere fact he’d seen her use super-strength.

“So do you have any other powers? Laser vision, telekinesis?” She almost definitely wasn’t going to answer, but hey, it was worth a shot. Connor rarely saw the need to keep his questions to himself. “Oh! Do you have, like, a Batsignal? A way people can call on you when they need you? Maybe a burner phone, although that would be less exciting.”

He was sure he’d caught some of her antics on camera, even though the footage probably wasn’t great thanks to being passed from one person to the other rather than held steadily. He couldn’t wait to look through it when he got back.

Sasha grinned. Superpowers, now that was something she could talk about easily.

“No laser vision, but I’m fully capable of defeating evil.” She brought up her hand, but paused for a moment. No, it was fine, she was still in costume and on duty after all, even if she was now just walking with Connor back to his car. And he didn’t seem to have any inkling of who she was.

In an instant sharp, pale colored claws sprouted from Sasha’s fingers. And sure, maybe being seen as cool by someone was going to her head a bit. But who could blame her? She let the quick flicker of amber that helped her see in the dark glow steady from her eyes, causing light to shine from behind her domino mask. The Claw probably looked awesome. Or at least Sasha hoped. When she had done it in the mirror it looked cool to her.

“No signal, just my eyes and ears to keep a lookout.” But maybe that wasn’t too bad of an idea. At least the burner phone idea seemed pretty reasonable, but it might ruin the mystique a bit. “I’ll have to look into ways to let people get in contact with me.”

“Well, love, you’ll probably find a lot of evil here,” Connor said simply, giving a laid back little chuckle. He’d heard horrific tales about some of the horrors White Crest held, and he’d seen many of them too. “Just be careful, yeah? Not all of ‘em can be defeated by super strength.” As impressive as it might have been.

He turned his gaze towards her, watching her hand as she brought forth a set of sharp claws. “Whoa!” Christ, he wished he still had his camera rolling. He should’ve worn that GoPro attachment Jasmine had got him, but foolishly, he’d put it in his backpack, thinking his filming was done for the night. Her eyes glowed like jewels in the darkness. “That’s amazing,” he said, in awe. He made a mental note to look through some of Rio’s books later to see if he could find anything about animal-like spirits giving people powers.

“Uh, this is me,” he said as they approached his black Jeep Renegade. “Thanks for the save. Hope you can use those powers of yours to find me again.”

“Thank you for the concern, I will keep that in mind.” Sasha retracted her claws and let the glow fade from her eye. Part of her wanted to argue, say confidently that nothing could really go up against her strength, agility, and claws. But she wasn’t that cocky, and there was something about the way everyone kept talking about White Crest that was starting to put her on edge. Yeah, the town felt weird, and the death rates didn’t lie, but it felt like everyone talked like they were dancing around something, as if telling a joke she wasn’t privy to, that she could never hope to get. She didn’t know how to feel about the chuckle as Connor spoke. What wasn’t she getting?

Maybe that is just what it was like, being in a new town. She’d have to make an effort to look around more, maybe even talk to people, despite how hard that felt without her mask on. It was so much easier to jump from building to building under the cover of night or talk to Connor when she was hidden behind cool powers and a costume. It made her feel powerful, cool, “amazing” as Connor just said. People didn’t say that about Sasha, but they did about The Claw.

“Hopefully you won’t need any more protection, but if you ever run into trouble know that The Claw will be here to help.” She nodded once, more to herself than Connor. She would keep an eye out for him while doing future patrols, but maybe he was right, a way for people to contact her would be helpful.

“Keep safe.” She said, and with that she darted toward a nearby alley, out of view. But she would climb up another fire escape and spend another hour with her eyes peeled, even as Connor’s Jeep disappeared into the distance. She had helped someone after all, and the pride did a good job pushing away her weariness.

#paras #with: sasha

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valkerymillenia · 4 years ago

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Umbrella Academy

season 2, episode 5

As usual I'm going to put all my reactions and live-blogging in this one post to avoid spamming.

1962, Cape Canaveral

So Pogo is from Congo?

Wait, is that Grace? is Grace some sort of biologist or scientist?

Is Pogo supposed to be one of the chimps for the space program?

I love this song. Oh look, there's Reggie!

Oh, that nod between Reggie and Grace... What are they up to?

Yep, definitely the space program.

Little astronaut Pogo... Wait, what's happening?

Who's the shady guy in the sunglasses behind Reggie?

Aww, poor Pogo...

SO THAT'S WHERE THE SERUM USED ON LUTHER CAME FROM! I figured but it's still interesting to see the origin.

Oh, there's the ancient Greek! Did Reggie read to the kids like this too? I doubt it but one can hope.

So Reggie and Grace basically treated Pogo like their child... And Reggie was actually a decent parent... ? Dude, you couldn't do that for your actual kids?!

Wait, does this make Pogo the seven's big brother? 😆

And there's the Magnificent 12. Oh, Pogo's drawing is so cute.

Five really is onto Lila... and he's right!

Diego onto Lila as well!

Hungover Klaus 😅 and Ben asking what we all want to know but it comes from a place of love and concern. Still sassy though.

Why won't Klaus just tell Allison that he is talking to Ben? Also, cowboy? Is that a comic reference? Or just a Texas reference?

Oh, I love Ben and Klaus banter. XD

Klaus does have a point, Allison.

*Allison throws the flask away* Ben: "attagirl!" Allison: "i have a blender and some much better booze" *cue Ben sulking*

"I love you so much!" Awwww, Klaus-Allison bonding! ❤️❤️❤️ this show is really giving me everything I want, huh?

Sissy and Vanya in bed together 👀😏 that's hot.

So she brought her coffee and then took the coffee away? XD

Is Vanya offering to take Sissy to the future? 👀

Oh no, Carl!

They have a point, Five. Everything starts taking apart at soon as you arrive. Repeatedly. I actually pointed this out yesterday.

You're burning the eggs, Luther.

"That boy stinks" poor Luther 🤣

Where exactly was Luther going? Chicago? Detroit?

Wait, is that the academy pre-academy? Wait, so it's not in Texas??? Then what about Argyle? What the hell? I'm so confused now. 😵

Luther, you need a bath.

Reggie in a party xD that must be an odd sight for Luther.

"The world's never going to end in such a cliché. Believe me. I know how endings feel" -what does it mean???? Does it mean he knows how the world ends? Or does it mean politically as a member of the 12? Is it a double entendre? Foreshadowing? Does he have some sort of prescient power?

Still want to know who the shady guy in the shades is.

"No, you're not" "no, you're not" "no, i didn't" 🤣🤣🤣🤣

"I have a deep dislike of children" -yeah, we been knew. 😒😒😒

"your grotesque simian proportions"??? Those are entirely your fault, Reginald! 😠

"But...i took a bus" - oh, honey... Luther, you adorable, naive, sweet, innocent, awkward little dork... Let me hug you, i don't care if you stink! 😢

Man, Reginald is still such an asshole. (I'm glad for that though, I was afraid this season would try to play the 'he wasn't really so bad, just misunderstood' card and that would piss me off, you can show him actually caring for the children but no excusing goddamn child abusers in this house!)

"At least he didn't shank my ass" "no, bro, he shanked your heart" -awww, dudebro affection. Diego does have a sensitive side!

I didn't realize i needed Luther-Diego bonding this badly but i do. I really, really, really do.

"It's time to get the umbrella academy back together." "hell yeah, family meeting." -since when is Diego so happy to get the family together? 😆

But hell yeah, let's get the family back together!!!

"you two still a thing? Do we need to talk?" (Diego's face though 🤣) "no, she's married." "Whoa, dude. That's rough."

Diego is the new Zuko, it all lines up!

"I can handle it" he nervous chuckles while stress eating in a stolen robe, after ruining his own life and getting in trouble with the mob and getting high.

"can you get Vanya without, uh, squeezing her to death?" - ouch 🤣

I'm loving the boys bonding.

Yikes, Sissy looks so uncomfortable with Carl...

"Harlan doesn't care" -oh, he does, he reeeeally does, you just can't read the signs, you clueless dumbass.

Oh, the powers... Oh, Harlan initiating touch with Vanya! Boy is more perceptive than they think.

Why does Sissy look so scared?

Sissy's reactions to Carl have been suspicious from the start. She's given a lot of red flags (the anxiety, the body language, the hoarding money in secret, the reluctance to speak up, the desperation to keep Vanya near her at all times, etc) and I've wondered if he's been abusive but he seems more pathetic than purposely malicious, he even showed vulnerability and admited to loving her and fearing that she doesn't feel the same, so I was starting to think Sissy's fear and paranoia had more to do with a fear of Carl leaving her (and thus taking away the only income and leaving her and Harlan with nothing).

However, I'm rethinking things and I'm starting to suspect abuse again (at least psychological, if not physical)... I think the only reason we don't see it yet is because Vanya is there and Carl won't act out on front of a witness.

I could totally be wrong though, I could be seeing signs that aren't there because of my own issues. We'll see.

Is... Is Handler actually a good mother?

Nevermind, she's gaslighting.

But she cares enough to give first aid and admit she lied so... Definitely a better parent than Reginald at least. I actually want her to be a decent parent, I'm tired of the narrative where villains all have to be abusive parents, villains can love too and that makes the story so much more complex and dramatic when people finally have to choose sides.

Felt, Diego's knife... what is she up to?

Sandpaper, steel wool, round metal parts, skewers, spray lubricant, and something cylindrical with the name of a plumbing service? Is she making pneumatic canisters? The ones the Commission uses to send messages?

Also, what's with Commission training and using plumber stuff? Five also used a plumbing company's van in season 1.

Elliot really likes Jell-O, huh? Very 50s housewife of him.

"how are feeling?" "Pretty shitty, to be honest" "Where would you say you are on a scale from one to ending all life on this planet?" 🤣🤣🤣 They are never going to let her live this down, are they?

I need more Vanya-Diego bonding. ❤️

Diego accepted Vanya's apology???😲 AWWWWWWWW 🥰🥰🥰🥰

Diego about to ask girl advice from his sister? So cute, why did they interrupt, I wanted to see that! 🥰

I miss Diego's nervous stutter though.

"you don't speak French" -doesn't he? If Allison can read seven languages, logically so can all the others, right? And Klaus is constantly using French and German, how are you telling me he doesn't know French? 😆

"did we all get sexier?" -pretty much and you're not done yet.

Aww, awkward Vanya-Allison hug... Let them bond! 💖💖💖

Klaus and Diego hugging!!! And Diego calling him out on being drunk like the overprotective brother he is 💖💖💖

Klaus hugging the girls! 💖💖💖

So much love. So much growth since all the bitterness from season 1. I NEED MORE OF THIS, DAMN IT!

Who knew it took Vanya snapping and killing everyone for this family to finally bond?

OH COME ON, KLAUS! Just tell them poor Ben is there, that's so mean.

Ah! Allison and Diego with pure sibling banter. 💖

What is with the Handler family and red shoes?

Handler's style changed a bit, went from retro femme fatale on s1 to matronly debutante in s2... Interesting.

Don't hurt the kitty, you bitch! 😡

The Swedes have become crazy cat people. I'm starting to love these weirdos.

Is that their mama?

Pneumatic tube! CALLED IT!

Ah, I see. That's why she wanted Diego's knife. The Swedes are getting set up.

"oh my God, again?" ... "all of you knew? Why am I always the last one to find out about the end of the-- oh, my God. My cult is gonna be so pissed. Five, I told them we had until 2019!" -that's why you're the last one, Klaus, your priorities.

"is it Vanya?" "Klaus!" "What? It's usually Vanya." - one time. you end the world ONE TIME and nobody ever let's you live it down.

"find dad" "kill dad" -well, Diego learned from Five *shrugs*

"has anyone here done anything to screw up the timeline?" -literally everyone except you, Vanya.

( well, unless saving Harlan with your magic lights messed up the timeline...)

Yup, here they go calling each other out. Hilarious 🤣🤣🤣

"THANK you" - I love Ben 💙

Diego, you idiot, saving Kennedy is what wrecks everything! Stop being stubborn.

Aww, traumatized Five... Please just listen to him, he just wants to save you all because he loves you 😢

Five deserves more love from the family. PLEASE.

Wow, Luther is reeeeally bitter about daddy, huh? What is Lila doing?

"I've missed you all... So much" BEN! 😭😭😭😭😭

Ok, now I'm crying.

Klaus, let your brother talk to the rest of the damn family, he misses them! 😭😭😭😭

Yay, more Luther-Diego bonding!

"since the last time I destroyed the world by overestimating my own importance" -I'm so glad he owns up to this, it's very important but he needs to get over his self-hate and gain some confidence again.

Diego, stop acting like you don't have daddy issues, you are riddled with them.

Diego's hero complex again... Which comes from the daddy issues. Luther is right.

"you are so goddamn big that sometimes I forget what a sensitive bastard you are." 🤣🤣🤣 He's absolutely right!

Brotherly bonding ftw!

Oh, they got daddy's attention!

AHAHAH! Allison bitching and rambling while doing Klaus's hair, Vanya miming shooting the bottles ("pew pew" 🤣). I'm sorry but this whole scene is adorable as fuck.

Girl's day!

"wouldn't it be weird if Five grew up all hot?" 🤣🤣🤣 Klaus asking the real important questions here!

Vanya confused by the Luther/Allison crush 🤣 "aren't we all related?"' -yes, honey, that's why it's weird.

"if you have to use the word 'technically' you're already in trouble" -THANK YOU, KLAUS!

Klaus's ENTIRE speech about their love lives is the most perfect thing EVER 🤣🤣🤣👌👌👌💯💯💯

Really alarmed Vanya finding out she dated a serial killer: "what?!" / Allison, whispering casually: "Later." 🤣

"the healthiest long-term relationship in this family was when Five was banging that mannequin." 😂😂😂😂😂 The best part is- HE'S NOT WRONG

Vanya's weirded out face is priceless 👌👌👌

"the only thing the umbrella academy knows about love is how to screw it up" "cheers!" 💯👏👏👏

These babies really need a hug. Let me hug them!

"how do you guys deal with this?" -look at them Vanya, they day drink.

"well, I get reeeeally high, Allison... Allison... Lies to herself. And you supress all your emotions deep, deep down until you... Blow shit up." -Klaus really is serving up all the wisdom in this little outing, isn't he? Maybe being a cult leader actually did him some good? Or maybe it's just that his family is FINALLY listening to him.

"yeah, I'd really like to not do that anymore" 😂 -ah! Is Vanya graduating out of the awkward dork sibling category and into the sassy queen one?

Omg, the drunk decisions...

"I just hate group backups, that's why I stopped dating twins" 😆😆😆😆

"this family is amazing" - DAMN RIGHT, VANYA! ❤️🧡💛💚💚💙💜

Awww, the HUG! The DANCING! MY BABIES! Fav scene, fav scene!

I want to adopt this family so bad.

And here's the Swedes being set up...

There goes baby Swede! I kinda feel bad for them.

Uh oh, now they want revenge of poor Diego.

Gotta hand it to Handler, she played this one very well. Parallels Five tricking Hazel and Cha-Cha into fighting each other in season 1. Very cool.

BAD GUY! I like this version better than the original, great song and fits Lila perfectly.

Holy shit!!!!!!!!! We all knew Five had moves but THESE MOVES!!!!!! 😲

How did Lila do that? Is it with Handler's time stopping thing? I always wondered how she did that too.

Holy shiiiiiiiiit. This whole fight was FANTASTIC! 😲

Oh Vanya... 😢

Oh Sissy... 😩

Sissy has been so desperate to keep Vanya tied to her but the moment Vanya asks her to make the slightest sacrifice for their relationship Sissy balks and pulls away... Not a balanced relationship at all.

I understand Sissy's fear, it's not selfishness, it's literal fear of change, but it's still sad and it's going to wreck them.

Oh, so this is where the swedish cover of "Hello" comes in... Very fitting.

Viking funeral, huh?

Ok, I never thought I'd have feels for the Swedes but I do. 😢

Luther eating AGAIN. But hey, he and Diego didn't the whole day together! Why can't we see that too? I need more brother time between these two.

Oh Klaus, is so uncomfortable but he can't stand disappointing the cultists, can he?

Still shocks me how all those people just invaded his house while he was away and thought that was perfectly acceptable and cool, it shows they really don't respect him as a person, he's just an object to make them feel better and give them purpose... It's terrifying and really sad when you think about it.

"sit your ass down." -you go, Allison! Tell him everything!

This episode gave me SO MANY FEELINGS! It might read like (extremely good) fanfiction but it's exactly what we all needed and it might be my favorite episode so far.

#tua #tua s2 #tua s2 spoilers #I HAVE TOO MANY FEELINGS FOR THIS EPISODE!!!

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jadejedi · 5 years ago

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So You Hate The Last Jedi

Part One- Theme Part Two- Luke Part Three- Rey Part Four- Finn

Part One- Intro and Themes

So, you hated The Last Jedi. I know that this is a hot take in most corners of the Star Wars fandom here at tumblr.com, but The Last Jedi is my second favorite Star Wars movie of all time, easily, behind Empire. I know a LOT of people disagree with me, especially among hard-core Star Wars fans, and I understand. I really do. I actually hated The Last Jedi when it first came out. I hated it for a good year or so, until I heard some convincing arguments that made me want to rewatch it, and after that viewing, I appreciated it more. And honestly, the more I rewatched it, the more I loved it.

I realize that this movie is more than two years old at this point, but I still see a lot of hate for it here, and that makes me sad :( So, I wanted to talk about it.

I know that the sequel trilogy isn’t super popular with most prequel fans, but I hope that if you are a prequel trilogy fan, you will hear me out, because I personally find a lot of closure for the saga as a whole, especially the prequel trilogy, in The Last Jedi, and think it does a lot to tie the saga together.

And If you’re a fan of The Force Awakens, but hated TLJ, I hope you’ll hear me out because I was you, for a long time. I couldn’t even think of this movie without my blood boiling. But now I see it as a great continuation of the characters that we first fell in love with TFA.

Okay, let’s strap in.

While there are perfectly valid reasons to dislike and criticize TLJ, such as the pacing, for example, I do take some issue with a lot of the criticisms I see of this movie.

Some of these things have been covered to varying extents by the videos that convinced me to do a rewatch, and some I haven’t really seen discussed, so I want to just write out some of my thoughts. This could honestly be a really, really long post, so instead I’m going to split it up into five parts.

A couple of things before I start:

First off: here are the videos that originally made me reevaluate my opinion:

Shaun’s “A Defense of The Last Jedi”

Jenny Nicholson’s “Top Ten Worst Reasons You Hated The Last Jedi”

And this one, which I only watched recently, but also adds to the discussion:

Just Write’s “The Last Jedi and the 7 Basic Questions of Narrative Drama”

And secondly:

I am not going to defend every single criticism I’ve ever seen levied against this movie, because honestly, I don’t care. If you didn’t like this movie because of the choreography of the Throne Room fight scene, or because you think the Holdo manuver is stupid, or you’re mad that Snoke wasn’t Darth Plagueis, then I don’t think I will be able to change your mind.

Here are the main criticisms I want to deal with:

1. Luke’s character was treated horribly. Luke would never try and kill his nephew, not when it was his love that saved and redeemed his father. Having him run off and hide on a deserted planet, cut off from the Force, and drinking green milk from an alien sea cow is a disservice to his character.

2. It’s stupid that Rey’s parents are nobodies (I’m going to pretend that TRoS doesn’t exist because it clearly doesn’t reflect Johnson’s intentions, therefore isn’t relevant to my argument). She should be a ______ (Skywalker, Kenobi, reincarnated Anakin, Palpatine, etc).

3. Finn’s character arc was pointless, the whole Canto Bight storyline was useless because it didn’t accomplish anything and why was he stuck with Rose the whole movie and split up from Rey/Poe?? Also, his character arc is literally just a rehash from TFA????

4. Why did the movie portray Poe as a too cocky flyboy? Why didn’t Holdo just tell him the plan?

I’m not going to discuss Kylo Ren, because I think Shaun and Jenny’s videos both do a great job of discussing this and I have nothing to add. Same thing for anyone who thinks that Rey is a Mary Sue. It has been discussed at length by many people, and does not need to be echoed by myself.

With that out of the way, we can get into the first topic: theme.

In order to properly address these criticisms, we first need to have a discussion of the themes of The Last Jedi. Most of these questions listed above can be answered by the theme, which is all but stated outright several times, first by Finn, and then by Yoda.

After the Canto Bight chase scene (a scene I admit is a ‘fill up your popcorn’ scene), Finn states, in response to Rose telling him that they’re trapped, “It was worth it, though. To tear up that town, make ‘em hurt.”

And when Yoda’s Force Ghost appears to Luke, he says, “Pass on what you have learned. Strength, mastery, mm, but weakness, folly, failure, also, yes, failure most of all. The greatest teacher failure is.”

These are basically the two most important lines of the movie. If you get anything from The Last Jedi, it should be these two lines, as they summarize the theme. I would say the theme of TLJ can best be summed up as, “Failure is not always a bad thing; through failure we can learn from our mistakes, and there is hope that can be taken from that.”

That is why the movie’s main villain and our protagonist’s main antagonist, Kylo Ren, says something along the lines of ‘let go of the past’. He doesn’t learn from his mistakes. As Shaun says in his video, he kills his father in The Force Awakens and is emotionally crippled because of it, but then in The Last Jedi, he fails because he once again tries to kill his other main father figure, rather than learning from his mistakes.

And that is why Canto Bight exists. Or at least one of the two main reasons. Canto Bight doesn’t do a lot for the plot, but it does a ton for the theme. The whole point is that good things can come out of failure, that sometimes it is the things you learn along the way that are important.

Why does Luke try to kill Ben? Because of the theme. Now, that doesn’t mean it was a good decision for his character, I’m leaving that for part two, but that is why. And why Poe is so cocky, and why Rey believes that she can turn Kylo, even when all evidence points otherwise.

While this theme of failure is the main theme of The Last Jedi, it is not the only theme. I would say that there are two smaller, yet still significant ideas running through this movie. The first is one that reeeeeaaaaaallllllllly pisses off some of the more dudebro elements of the fandom, specifically the idea of how men listen to women.

In The Last Jedi, there are three main male hero characters, Finn, Poe, and Luke, and all three of them have conflicts that involve disagreeing with a woman. Now, first of all, I am NOT saying that these three male characters are sexist, or that Rian Johnson thinks that they are, or even wrote them to be. To me, this message wasn’t so much for the characters, as for the audience. He didn’t write three men being wrong about a woman to say, “hey look Finn, Poe, and Luke are all bad and sexist’, he wrote them this way to say, especially to the very dudebros who took offense to some parts of this movie, “hey, look, sometimes women will challenge you. It’s up to you to listen to them and take them seriously.” And hey, love that for us.

While a large part of the Star Wars Fandom is some amount of progressive, a very vocal part of the fanbase is decidedly not. I appreciate, in fact that Rian Johnson was able to put in this message *without* making Finn, Poe, and Luke look sexist, as I like to think sexism is fairly rare in the world of Star Wars. The reason that these characters disagreed with Rey or Holdo or Rose wasn’t because they are women, but the reason that some male fans are so upset about it is. I think just seeing these male characters learn important, valuable lessons from these female characters is really great, and really not what I would have expected from this movie.

The second smaller, yet still important, idea running throughout this movie, dealing with a collective dark history, is one I will deal with more later.

#star wars #star wars meta #sw meta #sw #the last jedi #tlj #hannah talks #so you hate the last jedi

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alwayshinee · 4 years ago

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i know this isnt my comics blog but 1) im too lazy to log into it and 2) this is my blog and also cantwell's iron man has pissed me off so much i just NEED to go on a rant about it

1) tony investing his """severance""" fund into the stock market cantwell are you fucking kidding. tony has a track record of donating stupid amount of money into any charitable thing he could see. his literal second appearance has him donating like. $800k to build a new hospital wing. his date teased him because he wanted to see the orphans at the hospital and idk make balloons for them or something. if anything he would've just told b.o.s.s to distribute the money evenly between highly-rated charities.

2) REDHEADS ARE NOT INTERCHANGABLE. PATSY =/= PEPPER =/= MARY JANE PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. also stop making them into his "mom"!!! he is entirely capable of taking care of his basic needs (now throwing himself into danger is another thing but that's not what im talking about) and yes i do blame the mcu for making people think he's an incapable man child

3) if he mentions his fucking ego one more time i'm gonna so ballistic OH MY GOD. this is the same guy who HATED seeing his own reflection in the mirror and whose entire early comics career was just him being "wow i am a piece of shit. i know i wasn't directly responsible for that bad thing happening and there was nothing i could have done to stop it, but i still didn't stop it so i fucking suck. i literally do not care if i die as long as i die helping others. i will refuse to tell people i'm iron man because i don't want to put others in danger and because i'm not doing this for the attention."

3) patsy telling tony "you don't know how it's like to constantly hear dark things in your own head"? ???? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ????? my man was diagnosed with manic depression and also read the point above

4) if he even BREATHES in the direction of a "tony relapses" plot given the "hints" he dropped last issue, i-- i-- AGH don't do it i don't trust cantwell to do this tastefully. i swear to god if i have to read "demon in a bottle 2: electric boogaloo" i'm gonna write a strongly-worded letter to him.

5) the fact that patsy keeps telling tony about his privilege like.... tony.... isn't...... already.... aware of this fact........ and his entire character.............. revolves............. around.......................... helping people.......... with his............ privilege........ because he's a HERO WOW NOVEL CONCEPT AM I RIGHT.

6) HOW do you manage to read "classic" iron man comics and come out making the most dudebro-y iterations of tony i have ever had the displeasure to read. "classic" iron man was all about him being *GASP* a good person, being emotionally vulnerable, sometimes being the one who needs saving (usually by rhodey, his knight in shining armor <3)

7) i will never get pre-mcu tony back :( :( :( :( :(

8) here are my favorite "classic" tony panels just because lol

also read iron man v. 3 #50 and iron man v. 4 #14 and iron man v. 1 #182 for Prime Feels.

ALSO HAVE MY FAVORITE TONY QUOTES

“You don’t always have to fight villains to save lives. That’s why I started the Maria Stark Foundation in memory of my mother. It may not be the branch of my company that gets the most public attention, but in my opinion, it’s where we do the most good.”

“Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done…” (ok i realize this one might be weird to people who aren't as familiar with tony, but this basically was during the civil war; tony is known for being an atheist + right before this he poured an entire bottle of whiskey down the drain and it just hurts ok it hurts me physically and yes i do have a headcanon about how maria was catholic so tony prays when he feels like he needs comfort because it reminds him of his mother but you did not ask for that!!!)

“Are you suggesting that I’m hallucinating?” (context: right after the civil war and steve's death, tony started having guilt-induced hallucinations regarding steve and others whose lives he couldn't save. he also started locking himself in his suit for days and blah blah punches a window and makes himself bleed and blah blah holy fuck this is depressing)

“Sound cliche, but I–I guess I always thought we’d grow old together. I figured, one day I’d hang up the armor, we’d change our names and run off somewhere. We’d just run off and be happy. It was a good dream, but it was a dream I had no business dreaming.” (i will never forgive marvel for killing rumiko i hope she haunts them forever. even busiek didn't like it.)

“And I swear, as the man, Tony Stark–As the Avenger fate chose to cast in the role of Iron Man–That I will live to avenge those whose lives have been lost through the ignorance of men like the man I once was–Or I will die trying!”

“Did you do your best, Anthony? And did your best only make things worse?” (hickman i have no idea what he hell you're doing with the x-men but i respected your tony so hard. come back.)

#jace_is_PISSED.txt

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prettyshrub · 8 years ago

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Parents and children

I was watching season 2 of Fear The Walking Dead, and after I finished, it occurred to me that many of the horrible things that happened, happened because the parents NEVER TALKED TO THEIR CHILDREN ABOUT SERIOUS SHIT.

*SPOILERS*

One of the main characters, Nick, is a teenage drug addict. His mother, sister and stepfather have spent years trying to get him clean and keep him clean. Come to find out that when he was a younger teen, his dad stopped listening to him. Why? His dad had untreated depression. Not only did Nick have to deal with being ignored, he had to deal with his dad’s sudden death, which his mother LIED to her children about, saying it was accident instead of an intentional car crash. Oh, and bonus, the younger teenage daughter got to basically raise herself because her mother focused so much on her son Nick after her husband’s death.

The whole show this mother is trying to shield her kids (who are both over 16) like they are incapable of handling the apocalypse that they are in the MIDDLE OF and orders them around like they are incompetents. So the older boy eventually goes off on his own, and the mother acts like a dipshit and endangers her daughter and the other people they are with because she is desperately trying to get her son back.

Maybe Nick would still have turned to drugs even if all of this was dealt with in a better way. Maybe not, but nobody tried to help him with his problems. And the daughter is constantly ignored; its a wonder she hasn’t bailed.

The stepfather has a teenage son from a previous marriage. When he realizes he has to get his family to safety, he includes his ex-wife for the sake of their son, even though the exes are not on the best of terms.

During the big escape in season one, mom gets bitten by a zombie, and she knows she will die from the infection and turn. So she kisses her son, tells him she loves him, and goes down to the beach to kill herself. She is followed by the first mother and her ex-husband. Drama ensues and dad ends up shooting her.

Did anybody take the time to properly explain things to their 15 year old kid? Let him say a proper goodbye to his mom? In this show, the change doesn’t happen that quickly, there was time to do this in a better way.

So what happens? The boy decides anyone who is injured should be killed. He kills a bad guy that they need when his dad and step-sister are kidnapped. He hooks up with some dudebros who eventually kill him when he is seriously injured.

Again, a horrible outcome that had a chance of being averted of someone had taken the time to TALK to the kids.

I know, this is a drama. But it I know it happens in real life.

I think this pissed me off so much because I have almost never been able to talk to my parents about the serious shit. The shit you have to talk about if you want to sleep at night. The shit that lets you know you can trust your parents when things get bad. My mom is dead, so that door is closed. I don’t know if things will change with my dad, but I don’t know if I can even try any more.

I’ll tell you this for nothing: I lost trust in my parents to be there for me. Okay, they were always there financially, or if I had a health issue. But emotionally, no way, and I sure as hell needed them. I learned not to talk to them about anything important. I have done some boneheaded things, but fortunately it wasn’t so serious I couldn’t come back easily and learn from my mistakes. My relationships with my siblings are also fairly broken, and I know some of them won’t be there for me emotionally either.

I also have had a lot of trouble trusting people in general. It took me decades to figure out who I could trust, and how to build it and keep it there. I still have lots of issues. I still cry over my family.

Kids need their parents to talk to them about serious stuff. I know people want to protect their kids, but keeping secrets or avoiding issues isn’t protection. It’s forcing kids to figure stuff out on their own and trying to use their own (limited) experience to cope with things that are going to experience whether their parents like it or not.

I’m done venting now.

#parents #kids #talking

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amsterdammotherfucker · 8 years ago

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I copied and pasted my Torque liveblog from a private IM conversation with @playingwithroles just because I wanted to post it somewhere for posterity reasons :P

So they did a cool thing where the opening logo had a motorcycle speeding by noise over it that’s cool

Aaaaaaand the first scene is a drag race because of course it is.

THAT CHEESY EARLY 2000S THING WHERE THEY GO INSIDE THE MOTORCYCLE BLESS

Dude if this movie is intended as a parody of the Fast and the Furious series I will die

White dudebro protag’s jacket says “CARPE DIEM” across it lol

“What is it about driving cars that makes y'all such assholes” SERIOUSLY

JAY <3

SO I KIND OF LOVE THIS

JAY’S CHARACTER IS SO CUTE AND I’M DEAD

OH MY GOD THIS IS SO CHEESY I’M IN LOVE

I’m just waiting for this to go bad XD

WHY IS JAY NOT THE MAIN CHARACTER AGAIN

HE’S SO FULL OF FIRE I LOVE HIM

JUST FUCKING HITS BUDDY IN THE FACE WITH HIS HELMET

Hi Ice Cube I forgot you used to be in movies

HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW WHO THIS WHITE DUDE IS

Ford, apparently, is protag’s name

ICE CUBE’S DOG IS NAMED DOJO

This movie’s soundtrack is bangin

Aaaaaand now we get all the unnecessary shots of half-naked girls at a car wash SAW THAT COMING

JAY’S CHARACTER FUCKING STANDING UP ON HIS BIKE WHILE IT’S MOVING I mean I know it was mostly a stunt guy but WOW

Enter token hetero love interest hi blondie who’s never been in any other movie

Her name is SHANE

HOMEBOY’S A DRUG DEALER???

She’s actually not a bad actress I feel bad for her

I LOVE HER???

If you kiss her I swear to god

OH GOOD ENTER VILLAIN #2 RANDO THAT LOOKS LIKE DOMINIC MONAGHAN BUT ISN’T

Oh goddammit Jaime Pressly you are too good for this shit and what do they have you wearing

I think this rando baddie might be in a poly relationship with both Jaime Pressly and his right hand dude

SMUGGLING DRUGS INSIDE OF BIKES. THIS MOVIE.

Okay, so Ford stole a bunch of bikes carrying drugs from baddie here

Ice Cube’s bratty ass little brother looks like a young Mahershala Ali but isn’t

I weirdly really like Ice Cube’s character even though he’s supposed to be a crime lord

If anything happens to that dog I will riot in the streets

This movie is HILARIOUS

JAAAAAAAAAAAAY <3

I just make heart eyes every time he’s onscreen he’s the cutest

Dude she told you she never wants to see you again, TAKE THE HINT AND BACK OFF

H O W

GOD DAMN IT YOU STOP HAVING GOOD CHEMISTRY I HATE THIS TROPE

Again, this soundtrack is BANGIN

YEAH ICE CUBE YOU TELL YOUR PUNK ASS BROTHER WHAT FOR

Oh you are sooooooo dead buddy

RANDO BADDIE’S BODYGUARD/BOYFRIEND JUST STRAIGHT UP MURDERED ICE CUBE’S BROTHER WITH A BIKE CHAIN

I’m not sure how I feel about this Chad Kroeger looking dude playing Ford, I can’t tell if he’s good or just good for this type of movie

The whole “I left to protect you from my crazy dangerous life” trope YEP

At least they have good chemistry

JAY

HE IS SO CUTE I WANT TO TAKE HIM HOME WITH ME

So now Ford’s being framed for murder thanks to rando’s girlfriend

WHAT EVEN IS THIS MOVIE

ADAM SCOTT IS IN THIS FUCKING MOVIE????

BADASS LADY COP WITH CORNROWS

Ice Cube keeps talking about feeding people to his dog but I doubt human meat would be good for the pupper

THIS FUCKING NERD JAY SITTING ON TOP OF THE DINER BOOTH SEAT WHAT A FUCKING DELINQUENT I ADORE HIM

ALSO WHAT IS HIS NAME

Rando’s entire biker gang just standing in a row pissing on the side of a road CLASSY

Rando is named Henry, what a weirdly normal name

FORD IS NOT HERE FOR YOUR CASUAL RACISM

Just because he’s a suspect for murder does NOT mean you can randomly shoot at him YOU’RE CIVILIANS

Jay: “I love a girl who can take care of herself” CAN I KEEP HIM PLEASE

Shane is weirdly badass I’m glad she’s not just a prop

THIS MOVIE IS FUCKING RIDICULOUS I LOVE IT

Ice Cube’s gang is called the REAVERS

Uncomfortable Firefly flashbacks

WHAT DO YOU KNOW JAY

TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW

WE’RE JUST NOT GONNA EXPLAIN HOW JAY KNEW THAT OR DID I MISS SOMETHING

Val to Jay’s character: “Try not to bite your lip so much when you think” SAME

JAY BEING ALL “GET A ROOM” AT SHANE AND FORD I’M DEAD

So Ford just CALLS THE FBI AGENT FROM A PAYPHONE OKAY

Adam Scott is fucking hilarious he’s too good for this movie

Ford: “I live my life a quarter-mile at a time” Shane: “That is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard” I LOVE THIS MOVIE

Dalton, right, THAT’S Jay’s character’s name, how did I forget XD

This is weirdly a really cool chase scene

WHO’S THIS GUY HE LOOKS LIKE SNOOP DOGG

Shane WHACKS this dude in the face with a tube thing and goes “you shouldn’t pick on girls” I LOVE THIS

BUDDY DRIVING HIS MOTORCYCLE THROUGH A BUS

BECAUSE THAT’S A THING THAT CAN HAPPEN

OH IT’S A TRAIN

DOESN’T MAKE IT BETTER

NO BOYS WE DO NOT DRIVE ON TRAIN TRACKS NO MATTER HOW COOL AND DRAMATIC IT LOOKS

Slow-mo explosion, I was waiting for that XD

So Ford saved Ice Cube’s life so now he knows Ford didn’t kill his brother BECAUSE OF COURSE

DALTON IS SO FUCKING CUTE I’M GONNA DIE

Dalton: “First time Val and I’ve beat you anywhere! Must be the chick!” Shane: “Yeah, stopped for a manicure” *flips Dalton off* Dalton: *impressed smile*

VAL JUST MAGICALLY SWIPING THE CHIPS FROM DALTON

i love Adam Scott so much

NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR CHEESY ROMANCE

I LOVE DALTON I LOVE HIM

BIGGEST MOST ADORABLE IDIOT IN THE UNIVERSE PROTECT HIM

I have no idea what just happened I was distract by Dalton being a cutie pie

This movie is DEFINITELY a F&F parody

DANE COOK???????

LIST THAT UNDER “SHIT I DID NOT EXPECT TO SEE IN THIS MOVIE” A DANE COOK CAMEO

THESE MORONS JUST STOLE A RACE CAR

BLESS

DO NOT MAKE OUT WHILE YOU’RE DRIVING

Ford jumps on the back of Dalton’s bike so they can swap out, Dalton: “I always knew you had a thing for me!” I LOVE HIM

Ford please do not wreck Dalton’s bike

Or your face

THIS MOVIE IS SO RIDICULOUS AND OVER THE TOP IT’S GREAT

FORD DO NOT PUNCH ICE CUBE HE JUST SAVED YOUR ASS

REALLY??????

METH BIKES

OF COURSE

Dalton taking swings at a punching bag back at the garage bLESS

Dalton: “I eat when I’m nervous!” Val: “He eats when he’s horny, too. He just likes to eat” KILL ME

ADAM SCOTT WAS A DOUBLE AGENT

NOOOOO LADY COP IS DEAD

THEEEEEEERE IT IS. DALTON AND VAL NABBED AND ALL TIED UP WITH CHAINS HOW EXTRA

THEY GOT SHANE TOO

Ew Henry stop being creepy right now. His girlfriend’s creepy too

LADY COP LIVES

ATTA GIRL SHANE KICK HENRY IN THE NUTS

EVERYTHING IS HAPPENING AT ONCE

BODYGUARD BOYFRIEND GOT TAKEN OUT SO FAST AND HILARIOUSLY

I’m sure Val and Dalton can fight well on a good day, Henry’s boys are just fucking crazy

I LOVE LADY COP SHE FINALLY DID SOMETHING USEFUL

Oh, no this scene. Shane vs. Henry’s girlfriend China

It’s like every cliche catfight scene ever but on motorcycles

PRODUCT PLACEMENT

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

That was just plain cringe worthy

BECAUSE THAT’S HOW PHYSICS WORK

ANOTHER EXPLOSION

IS THAT ROBERT BARATHEON DRIVING THE BUS

IS THAT FUCKING NICKELBACK SINGING US OUT

IT IS TOO

AND THEY ALL WENT TO MEXICO AND LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER

LITERALLY THAT’S THE END OF THE MOVIE

I enjoyed that way more than I was expecting to XD

#ooc #torque liveblog #mun nonsense under the cut

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