#it's always been interesting how much it changes per universe

[fullfriendnerdclutch]

Richard actually preferred to spent his Spring Break lounging around his quaint and peaceful university town. But, since his Uncle drove all the way down to pick him up unannounced, simply because Richard is in the same state now, not like he could just shush that man away so he lazily packed his bag and hit the road with the 43 years old hulk of a DILF

They didn't talk much throughout the long trip into the farmland as Richard pretended to fall asleep before eventually really falling asleep on the way there. But he's dead wrong to assume that his Uncle is unaware of his avoidance. In fact, that very attitude is the sole reason why his Uncle came all the way down to pick him up. It's time to mold Richard into the perfect Dawson boys, and Spring Break provides the best timeline in order for Richard to hit his final alteration right during summer

When the pair arrived at the sprawling farm, Richard realized how stinking rich his family must be with all these acres of land under their possession. It's been more than a decade since he last visited the family farm, but clearly this visit will leave him with the memory about the family farm much more clearly. His uncle let him rest for the remainder of the day, he even fell asleep right after his quick dinner and cleaning himself. But Richard didn't expect that he needs to do some hard labour the following morning!

"Your cousin Adam is spending some time with his sickly wife while Steve took off for the entirety of this Spring Break to spend time with his kids. So I need your help, boy,"

"Wait, Adam is married?"

"Yes, a year ago, don't you remem--- oh yeah, you were on your gap year trip,"

The tone his uncle used irked Richard a bit, gap year trip, but he let it go. His mind is focused on the fact that Adam is the same age as him, and he's married? At 20? 19 if he considered the fact it happened a year ago.....what a totally different life the two of them have. His uncle snapped Richard's out of his mind as he told the pale, gangly-looking Richard to put on the boots before helping him around the farm and the ranch. Richard at first doubted that he could fit into the boots, but somehow it fits him just right. So, off he goes with his uncle

Day after day, the routine remained the same. He will wake up at around 5 or 6 AM, have his loaded breakfast and head out with his uncle. He surprisingly found himself enjoying the routine, he even started to address his Uncle with "Sir" and cooked the breakfast for the two. He simply didn't notice the change in his reflection on how his skin tanned on its own, how his form straightened rather than hunched per usual, how all his clothings somehow altered to solely consist of black t-shirt, jeans and some plaid shirt and he just didn't bother to ask his uncle for the whereabouts of his other clothing. He also failed to notice how his uncle has been subliminally planting in his subconsciousness that he enjoyed working in the farm, that he preferred to be called Dick since Richard sounded too posh for him, that Dick has always been interested with farming and the idea to continue the family's business, that Dick wanted to recruit some good trusted friends of his to join the family's business and how he needs to pivot to study about agriculture or farming in uni.....well, scratch that, he will probably drop out later in the summer and learn better about farming or agriculture by working with his Uncle.

Imagine the surprise his roommates got when Richard went back from his Spring Break 30 lbs heavier and looking like a Southern farm stud with his outfit and the way he got this drawl out of nowhere. And he apparently have a souvenir too for them

"Got these from my Uncle, now, try to put these babies on and tell me how it feels,"

---

Fast forward to summer, not only Dick really followed through with his drop out plan, he brings along his now much-more fitting roommate to join him in the farm

Hey there, a bit rushed with this execution but hope it's still an enjoyable read

[dduane]

The first part of that last message got me curious -- given how long-running of a series YW is, how do you keep track of All That when writing a new entry? Copious amounts of notes? Re-reading the entire series backlog? Keeping a fully-functioning simulation of the entire YW universe running in your head with perfect accuracy? (only mostly joking with that last one)

And somewhat-relatedly, did you have any plan or idea when you started for how long YW would run? Or was it more of a "I'll keep writing about this universe until it stops churning out ideas," type of thing and that point just (very thankfully!) hasn't happened yet? I know for per-book purposes you're a proponent of outlining (I swear I'll try writing to one one day Q_Q) but do you also apply that to a series as a whole?

Let me take this backwards, as it may make more sense that way.

Particularly when doing series work, outlining is more vital than usual for me. (Which is saying a lot.) Some of the most basic reasons for this are laid out over here.

The simplest one, though, for series outlining, is logistical. Without having achieved a sense well in advance of what events (or effects of events) are going to be most formative or important (or both) for the characters in a series, you won't have allowed yourself time to think about them enough. And to fail to spend enough time on this is to cheat both yourself and the books in the series. (And your readership.)

If you're smart, you learn very early on that attempting to save time by shortchanging or omitting the planning stages is potentially profoundly destructive. You need to have a plan... and you need not to let anyone make you ashamed of needing one. Putting off your detailed character-interaction and event planning in the name of some magically occurring fit of inspiration, or theoretical bid toward creative spontaneity, will serve neither you nor your creation. You can throw "Hail Mary" passes all you like... but you'd better be damn sure there'll be someone in the end zone to receive. ...If not Herself.

...And just in case you're worried, your initial plans can be really loose! They don't have to jump out of your head full-formed like some local war goddess after somebody hits her dad in the head with an axe. The plan for the Middle Kingdoms books—after The Door Into Fire dumped me gasping by the side of the road and left me a few minutes to breathe—was nothing more than "Now that his boyfriend's finally upped the ante beyond all expectations, Freelorn finally gets off his feckless Would-Be Robin Hood shit and gets to work becoming king." I then spent the next decade thinking purposefully about how that was going to happen, and writing the second book in the series—while sufficiently working out the fine details of the climax (and beyond) to then be able to get busy executing the third book. Even though there was a change of publishers between the beginning of that series and the end of it, the basic dead-simple MK plan from a very early stage quickly became detailed and robust enough (because the series was short enough) to withstand the change. Not least because I'd been thinking about it in a general way since the early 1970s... and continue to do so, pretty much daily. The Door Into Starlight is still hanging fire...

YW has been a different story—quite literally—because the only plan extant at the start of things was, "Everybody slowly gets older (and slowly closer)." I always knew there were going to be more than the original three: there was way too much interesting ground to cover to just stop with those. (I've never yet succeeded in finding out who started the rumor that there were only going to be three books. Over time it's become one of those things you just shrug at and move on.)

(Adding a break here, because this does go on a bit. Caution: contains publishing skullduggery, plans ganging aft agley, approximate word counts, software recommendations, and value judgments.)

("Now wait just one minute. 'Feckless would-be Robin Hood shit'? Can she just say that??")

The circumstances surrounding the writing of Deep Wizardry and High Wizardry, though, made it plain to me that I was not going to be at the then-publisher (Dell) all that much longer. By the time HW came out, they were already starting to pull away from midlist books and authors in order to spend that part of the budget on best-sellers... so it became plain to me that attempting to construct a long arc with/at that publisher would have been folly. Because who could be sure what was going to happen next, and blow everything I'd built to smithereens?

Sure enough, when I finished A Wizard Abroad, Dell declined to pick it up (even though the books had been selling steadily and increasingly strongly in paperback). This annoying validation of my concerns—and my shiny new agent's—made it plain to me that further books in the series were going to need to be thematically driven, rather than mostly character-event-driven, and almost entirely capable of being taken as standalones. Any long arc was going to have to be one that could be suspended, or reworked, with little warning. Because what happens to you once, in publishing, doesn't at all mean you're immune to it after that.

It wasn't until the YW books were picked up by Harcourt in the mid-90s, with a strong editorial team behind them, that I felt confident enough to start building longer-arc material into the books, beginning with the arc that kicks off in The Wizard's Dilemma and more or less completes in Wizard's Holiday and Wizards At War. There is a secondary (and I assume, generally less obvious) arc that picks up material still unhandled in the "War Arc," and deals with it in A Wizard of Mars and Games Wizards Play. But plans for those stories' management were already nailed down in electrons as soon as 2001, because I had made some early choices about where I was going with the characters and their situations; and as new books came out, my editors agreed with me that the choices had been sound, and should remain.

I'll say this only because I've said it before: there is one piece of business planted in So You Want To Be A Wizard that has never been explicitly dealt with/followed up on in any of the books, and is at the core of YW #11. For the moment, it's safest merely to say that I do not willingly leave loose ends hanging. Beyond that, I'll leave you all to your own deductions.

...Now. How do I keep track of all this stuff? (The urge to mutter "With great difficulty" and run off into the wings is strong. But never mind.) :)

The question's fair, as there's a million-plus words' worth of it in the series at the moment. ...Mostly my guide remains the books themselves, in ebook form (in their NME versions. If I need to, I refer back to the traditionally published versions as necessary). I normally have a general memory of where a given event happens or where a given issue comes up for handling. I then pull that copy of the ebook(s) in question, and do a search on various useful target phrases until I find what I'm after, and where it leads.

For new work, or stuff not yet committed to what passes for canon, I do have lots of notes. Some of them are actually out in public, at the currently-being-revised Errantry Concordance (though they're not in any form that anyone but me will recognize). Others are tucked away in the notes sections of pertinent Scrivener files—this being one of the most valuable things about Scrivener, as far as I'm concerned: the ability to store project notes in the project itself as opposed to "all over the damn place." Others yet are in my iPad, as either typing or dictation, and get transferred to other files/formats as necessary.

But the very first thing that happens, when a new work comes into train, is an outline. Sometimes a hilariously simple one, sometimes one with more detail in the middle than at the beginning or the end. Doesn't matter what shape it starts in. All notes, scraps, prose chunks, random thoughts, and midnight cogitations, get slotted into place in this until it's ready to be organized and sent off to an editor. And this outline—no matter how fragmentary or how polished—remains ready to hand at all times until I've finished with correcting the book's ARC and am looking at the release date.

And then I zip it up and put it away where I can find it later if I need to... because some other plan, still in the building stages, may need something in that one that never happened, but now has its chance. Because in YW, as everywhere else in my work, it's so often about the things that have always almost happened... until they do.

...Anyway: HTH!

[sirfrogsworth]

The Testosterone Report

I'm going to use this post to help document any changes I notice as I begin TRT.

For those who missed it, I was diagnosed with crucially low levels of testosterone which have been causing serious fatigue and brain fog issues beyond my already present serious fatigue and brain fog issues. I used to only have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Narcolepsy fighting each other to make me tired. But the universe decided I could be even more fatigued than I already was. Going from being in bed about 20 to 22 hours per day to being in bed 24/7 for the last 2 months.

So, here we go...

12/16/24

I had two very intense nightmares. I know sometimes people get nightmares, but these felt very different. And I'm pretty sure they were manifested by my body adjusting to the T.

I also had another very obvious sign of increased testosterone. I struggle to talk about sexual things. I grew up very repressed. But hopefully we are all adults here and I can talk about this maturely without it being a big deal. I'm just tracking my progress and this is relevant information concerning my treatment.

That said, I had 2... incidents.

Yeah, I'm going to need a codeword for this so I don't feel so awkward talking about it.

I had 2... hormone-induced hard-ons.

Which we are going to call HI-HOs from now on.

Because we are adults and very mature.

I haven't had any issues getting a HI-HO with low T. The equipment always worked whenever I tested it out. I just was severely lacking in interest. Which I blamed on stress and anxiety and age.

These 2 HI-HOs were completely spontaneous and occurred without any stimulus. They also felt more... enthusiastic. So I was confident they were actual HI-HOs and not just run-of-the-mill HOs.

Or ROTM-HOs

--End of Report--

If I can be honest about something... I think I ignored my diminished libido for a long time because I preferred it. I am very lonely and I don't have much chance of ever changing that. I will never have the energy required to be in a healthy relationship. I tried several times and could never make it work.

So I liked not having to deal with that aspect of daily living. I liked having my thoughts clear and unmotivated by sex. And I'm not entirely sure I want my libido to return, so I think I ignored it as a possible symptom.

But I can't live with this much fatigue and lack of concentration. I can't finish sentences. Communicating with the people in my life has become very difficult. And the one thing I enjoy the most and find the most relaxing is editing photos. This past week I have struggled to find the concentration to edit anything at all. If I have to put up with a bunch of HI-HOs to keep my most important creative outlet, so be it.

I did hear back from a therapist. I will hopefully be starting in January. Perhaps I can figure out how to deal with this particular matter. It was nice to not have any sexual frustration for a while. But I think finding better coping methods is probably the best way to go.

[copperbadge]

I was watching hockey earlier today and it got me wondering what sports are played in Askazer-Shivadlakia. Football & surfing’s been mentioned, what else is played in the country? Does it snow enough in the highlands for there to be any winter sports enthusiasts? What’s the state of women’s professional sports? Does the country compete in anything internationally? The Olympics are awful, but does the Ask send a delegation of athletes anyway?

It's not something I've thought a lot about outside of football, I admit, though thinking about the football program has clarified some aspects of it. Mainly I just am not entirely sure how a lot of sports...work, so I kind of stay hands-off.

Askazer-Shivadlakia has never been a super wealthy country. Jason was a bit of a traditionalist and Michaelis was concerned with modernizing but he wasn't an innovator per se, unless pushed; by the end of his reign the country was reaching a point where it had the kind of money to sustain a university or expand its public services fairly radically, but only just. Gregory is a big part of that because he trained as an economist, and while he's only been king for about two years, he's been working in the administration for much longer. He's been able to institute changes that have led to a comfortable surplus in the budget.

So for example, Michaelis wouldn't let the government fund a professional sports team of any kind because the money it would take was already being spent on the youth sports program. He felt that giving kids the chance to play sport was more important than sustaining a team, and said that their athletes were a gift they gave the world. And now that elite players are returning from playing abroad with money and the intention to spend it on supporting a team, his investment is actually, unexpectedly, paying off. Michaelis just wanted the kids of his country to learn self-discipline and good sportsmanship but in doing so he also ensured that if you leave the Ask to seek your fortune as an athlete, once you've got a fortune, you come back home to spend it. And Gregory's work means the government can help.

Football and F1 racing are the two big passion sports the Shivadh follow, though F1 is a fandom, not a pastime. There's decent surfing but that's more a tourist thing. Definitely there are regions that get cold enough for winter sports, but like surfing most of the ski/board sites are tourist-focused, places that ranch dairy cattle in the summer and then host tourists in the winter when the cows are in the warmer lowland pastures. Undoubtedly there are Shivadh snow sport enthusiasts and the country supports them if they compete internationally (both in terms of cheering them on and financially) but there's no program or deep tradition of it. If I ever actually write about those areas extensively that might change, though.

Women's sport has equal support to men's generally, whatever level that might be -- Askazer-Shivadlakia has always been relatively progressive but when Michaelis was elected, Miranda made it her business to push legislation that explicitly protected things like equal funding for women's sport and education and access to birth control and abortion. (She's also the reason weed is legal and Gerald can get Adderall in Europe, where it's banned in a lot of places; there's something to be said for the scion of old conservative nobility who is simply ready to wreck shit.)

There is no golf. Michaelis detests it personally and there's no room for it anyway. If they ever build Askazarama Amusement Park, they might get a mini-golf course.

I don't really know how the Olympics and other international competitions work. If there are talented athletes who want to compete and seem capable of qualifying, there's state funding for them, but there's no formal program where like, the MPs sit down every two years and pick out the top athletes they want to send. Likely most people interested in elite sport competition have to leave the country to train, and represent other countries as a result -- like Paolo in the football novel, who left when he was a young teen to attend a junior academy in France and entered professional play from there.

Shivadh still feel ownership of them, mind you. For example, Felix (the love interest in the football novel) played on the Italian national team and kicked a winning goal in a World Cup for Italy, but Askazer-Shivadlakia consider that cup theirs. A Shivadh did it, ergo it is a Shivadh victory. If an athlete were to say, represent France in an Olympic decathlon and take the gold, they would consider that to be a gold medal for Askazer-Shivadlakia.

The country is very excited about finally having a football team of their own. Shivadh Royal Football Club could lose every game it ever plays and still nobody would let a word be said against them. Fons-Askaz on match day is just a sea of hideous orange Shivadh RFC jerseys that say NARAN JUICE on the front. (Their major sponsor is local juice box and sports drink maker Naran Juice Box Co.)

[hazel-eye-coffee-shop-girl-blog]

Limelight Series - Chapter 7

Happy Monday! So the universe has worked in my favor for once! here it is! Chapter 7 of the Limelight Series! It is a bit long, but I think its worth it. This will be the last chapter for this series for a while, but it does end on a good note, so I think you all will be happy with it, and can draw your own conclusions of what happens after.

I want to thank you all for reading this story and going on this journey with me and a big thank you to @hobby27 for sending in the ask/message for this story.

All your likes, reblogs, comments and ask to be on the tag list are appreciated and helps my confidence grow as a writer.

If you haven't read chapter six, click here to read it and then come back to read chapter 7.

This series came way of a message/ask from @hobby27 she asked:

"I would love something with Jensen and reader. He sees her when he’s at a convention and he’s bonkers for her. She isn’t so interested in a relationship with him because of the fame. So he has to woo her. Make her understand that he’s not a typical movie/tv star. Slow burn."

So I give you the Limelight series- It's a Jensen x reader (plus size, curvy girl) story, Jensen meets the reader in a bar, he falls fist, she is reluctant of course, but secretly she fell for him the second he walked through the door. So can a small town girl and a celebrity make it work?

Warnings for the whole series: language, multi-pov and switching between the pov mid chapters (sorry I can't help it), Jensen coming off aggressive for a hot second but then cooling off. Some douche side characters and some lovable ones, body shaming, angst, fluff, swoon, Jared is there and Micha is mention.

This story takes place an AU where Jensen is not married but Jared is and has kids.

This chapter is 4K+. Feedback, likes and reblogs are always welcomed. Please don't post as your own work, this is my work. If you would like to be added to my tag list, just ask, I am always happy to add you.

Six Month time jump from the end of Chapter 6

“Well look at what the cat dragged in! Is that the famous Y/N? The one that is dating that gorgeous actor from that one show…oh you know that one….” James sarcastically says, leaning his head back and pondering as if he is thinking long and hard for the answer.

“Yeah, Yeah, very funny” you quip back, making your way through the deserted bar and towards him. It being Sunday and all, the one day that he closes so he can give staff the night off, and him time to do inventory and payroll. You knew you would find him here, you need to see your friend. You take a seat on a barstool facing him.

He gives you a wicked smile. “Oh come on, Y/N, you know I'm only kidding. Besides, I know you can handle it.” He says tossing down a coaster and starts to grab the tequila without you asking for a margarita.

“But, I haven’t seen you around much, are you doing okay?” He asks, finishing up the drink and sitting it down in front of you. 

You take a moment to really think about his question, how are you doing? Really? Fine? Okay? I mean for the most part life hasn’t changed too much, your relationship with Jensen has been good, the long distance thing is not ideal, but…is it a relationship at all? 

Looking at James, you can tell he is waiting with anticipation to hear all the latest gossip. Leaning towards you, that smile plastered on his sunkiss face. God, how you wish you could give him something, anything. But you really have nothing. 

“I am fine, just busy at the studio is all. Had some great responses from my show a few months back so…how about you?” You ask, doing your best to push through. Giving James a smile, you take a much needed drink. Bypassing the subject of Jensen for now. 

You half listen to him talk about the staff turn over, the loss of the summer crowd, and how he can’t believe he is actually looking forward to the college kids coming back. It's not that James is self involved, per say, it's more that, get him talking about work, or about his stressors, and you can have him focus more on himself then you. Which in this monument, might be what you actually need. 

“That's Haven for you, out with the rich tourist, in with the drunk frat kids. Ugh, I am just happy not to have to deal with them if I am still going to be seeing Jensen.” Shaking your head at the thought of the girls that would give you grief and the guys that would act like ‘Dean’ just to get a free drink.

James gives you a curious look, “What do you mean, ‘if you're still dating Jensen.’ You two are not the happy couple I keep reading about on page 6 in the Haven Harold or online in People?”

Oh shit, didn’t think he would pick up on that. You give him a sheepish smile. Better get on the defense. 

“Okay first of all. Mrs. Hanson needs to get something new to print on page 6 besides the load of B.S. you supply her…” You throw back at him, finishing off your drink. Trying your best to come off as pissed off at the sweet kind small town local paper. 

“Hey! My info allows me free ad space! I am not giving that up!” James defensively says.

“And second, Jensen and I haven’t even been in the same area code for People magazine to even get a whiff of anything to write about so…we would actually have to see each other to create any real hot gossip.”

“But you guys are still together right? I mean you guys still talk, Facetime?”

“Yeah, of course, text constantly, Facetime a couple times a week. But he’s been swamped with work. He got back to Texas after the convention and was planning on coming back for a few weeks but his management had other ideas.” You passively say, your eyes focusing more on the condistation that is forming the glass then James.  

“That sounds cryptic.” Now wondering what kind of team was working for Jensen, and if they were holding him hostage against his will.

You give a short laugh at James' concerned look. You shake your head at this, not wanting to go back to those earlier months. Those months when… 

“No, I mean he got booked on some guest TV spots that I can’t really say what they are, and from there he has been booked with a few charity events.” You quickly explain away. 

Relief washes over James and he lets out a breath, putting a hand on his chest. 

“Oh thank god. I thought we were going to have to get the navy seals involved and rescue the poor man.” 

Letting out a laugh that shakes you out of your funk. God, James is always good at making you smile. 

“No sweetie, no need to call your ex, what was his name Ricky?” You smile, and give him a wink.

“Hey, for you I would call him, even if he left me with the tab that night for him and all his officers. That tab cost me two months rent!”

You giggle at this, remembering how pissed James was, when they skipped out on their tab. 

“I still don’t get it though, it's been six months, you guys couldn’t make something work? Even a long weekend?” He questions.

“I know, it’s stupid really, he left, I was getting ready for my show, and so I was focused on that. Then when that was over, he was off filming, out of the country. We kept trying, but it seemed like everytime one of us was going to meet the other somewhere, he got asked to do an appearance, or a charity function.” you explain, feeling yourself getting depressed all over again. 

Retelling the endless loop of the same conversation over and over just now to James has you sick of hearing it. God, it's stupid really.  

“I mean come on James I can’t be like, ‘no don’t go save the penguins. I have tickets to that music festival I had been talking about since we met and I want to go!’” 

Letting out an exhausted sigh, you lay your head down on the bar counter. Word vomiting it all out can take a lot out of you. Feeling the weight of just getting that off your check was enough to help you breathe a little easier that you didn’t realize you were struggling with until now.

“Oh sweetie…” James starts to say, leaning over and placing a hand on your back. “And you love penguins.”

“I know!” you cry out. “Fuck, I don’t know what I am doing James.” You mumble into the counter with your head still down.

“Can I ask you, did you tell him about your show? I was surprised he wasn’t there, or Jared….or Micha.”

You hesitate for a second. Your surprise this question didn’t come up earlier from him. Setting up, your fust with your hair for a second, and nervous habit of yours. 

“Ummm ... .I may have not invited him” you say sheepishly, bracing yourself for the onslaught of yelling that was sure to come from James.

He takes it in for a bet. “What? Why?” He questions, wondering what you were thinking. Crossing his arms around his torso, and slapping over his face, letting out an audible groan.

“Okay look hear me out.” you start to explain. 

“I was going to, fully prepared to. We were talking, he was back in Texas, I had asked what his plans were for that week, and he told me he would be filming…out of the country.” 

You stop seeing James peek out from behind his hands, and then gestures with the other giving you the universal sign to keep going.

“So I figure no point in telling him, and having us both disappointed that he wouldn’t be able to make it.” 

James let out an exhausted sigh, “Y/N! Come on! He still should have known, even if he couldn’t be there. He could have sent Jared and Gen, or Facetime in, or sent flowers.” 

Throwing the bar rag down in defeat, he leans up against the back bar. “You can’t keep this guy at arms length. You got to let him in.”

“I am not keeping him out! Okay. What good would it have done for me to tell him, if he couldn’t be there? Make him upset, and then he’s not focused on his job, he gets hurt or worse.” 

Getting up from the stool, with your back to the door.

“Besides, why should we even assume that Jared or anyone else famous that he knows would show up to my show or should for that matter. Just because he asked? They're not his lackeys, they're his friends. They don’t even know me!” Yelling back at him.

Frustration is taking over, the fact that he would throw that idea out there, what the hell. Where did that even come from?

“Did you think my new relationship with Jensen would somehow have me rubbing elbows with all his famous friends now?” you question, now wondering if James was hoping that fame would have a trickle down effect to his advantage.

“Well I mean…I thought by now, you would have had a few ‘celebrity sightings’ as they say, but it's also you, and you like your privacy so…no I shouldn’t be surprised by this at all.” James says slightly defeated and passive. 

Feeling defeated yourself, you let your arms fall to your side. You thought coming here would help get your mind off missing Jensen, and wishing like hell you could just tell him how you want to see him, standing right in front of you, not through a screen.

“Well I am sorry to disappoint another man in my life.” You yell, feeling yourself break. Everything was just falling apart, you couldn’t do anything right, everything you were touching was turning to shit!

You didn’t hear the door open and close behind you. Wanting to get off this topic of your dysfunctional relationship you just need to get some air. 

You're about to turn a go but James stops you. 

“Y/N, no stop! You are not a disappointment. Look, I am sorry, I shouldn’t be butting into your relationship, I just want you to be happy.” Coming around the bar, James wraps you in a hug. 

Holding you close, his embrace, is exactly what you need. Pulling you close he mumbles in your ear.

 “I know Jensen makes you happy. Hold onto that, I know you two will make it.”

“I hope you're right, James, I can’t lose him.” you whisper into his neck. Feeling the tears on the cusp of breaking from your eyes.

“I can’t lose you either.” You add.

“You will never lose me, kid.” Giving you a quick kiss on the side of your head, pulling you closer to him.  

Pulling back slightly from James you take a ragged breath. You breath in the sent of leather, and musk, Fuck, you miss Jensen so much your now imagining his smell. 

You give a small laugh at this. 

“What's so funny?” James asks, letting you out of his arms, but still holding onto your hands.

You shake off the laughs, “oh nothing…just…I am really losing it now, because I swear I can smell him….crazy right.”

“I don’t think so, sweetheart.” Jensen’s deep sexy voice fills the air behind you. 

Making your heart stop for a beat, you take a second, before you notice the grin on James face, and you quick spin around to stand face to face with Jensen Fucking Ackles.

“Your here…” is all you whisper out before Jensen pulls you in his arms and his lips find yours and melt with yours. 

Your arms wrap around his shoulders while one of his holds your waist and the other roams your back. His lips fit perfectly with yours and you open your lips slightly to let his tongue slip in and dance with yours. 

You don’t even care that you're standing in front of your best friend, the only thing running through your mind is Jensen, that he is here with you, in your arms, and this is not some dream that you're going to wake up from.

Feeling the need to breathe, you pull aways ever slightly, but still stay in his arms. 

“You're here” you whisper out again.

“I am” he breathly says. 

“How? Why?” You breathly blurt out, your mind not really able to form real words. Jensen’s kisses had that effect on you.

“Drove. Missed you.” Jensen is still catching his breath.

“Why don’t I get you two something to drink and you two can catch up…you know with your words.” James interjects. Giving you both a smile and then turning on his heels and back to the bar.

You feel yourself start to blush, as you slightly care about the public display you just had with Jensen. You hide your face in his chest. 

“He’s never going to let me live this down.” you mumble.

Jensen chuckles at this, and gives the top of your head a quick kiss. 

“Come on, one drink, and then we can get out of here.” He promises. 

Making the short walk to the bar, James has a margarita waiting for you, and beer pulled for Jensen. Before you can even speak James jumps in.

“So Jensen, good to see ya man. What have you been up to? What are you doing in town? How's everyone…”

James is as subtle as a gun, you shake your head at his rambling questions and the obvious question regarding a certain cast member. You take a long drink and just let Jensen handle this one.

“I am good. Busy, the show is on a break right now, so everyone is doing their own thing…” Jensen looks over to you for some guidance for how much of a ‘fan’ James was with Micha and if he should be worried. You just give him a shrug and nothing else. 

“But I will let Micha know you said hi.” he adds, hoping that will suffice.

“Cool, cool.” James says with a smile, shaking his head in agreement. Leaning up against the back bar, not picking up that he should be anywhere but here.

“Umm…James…you think we could…” you passively say, hoping he will get the hint. 

He finally does. Giving you a knowing nod, “sure thing, yep, I got payroll in the back to do.” Pushing off the counter he heads for the office without looking back.

Once James is out of ear shot, you both snicker to each other, turning your chairs so you're facing each other, your knees bumping each other. 

“Oh, boy, James has it bad for Micha. I better give him the heads up.” Jensen says, with a smirk, and taking a drink.

“Oh James is harmless, it's just a crush. Besides, Micha brought it on, when he came to the bar that night, I heard he laid on the charm.” You counter, wanting to stand up for your friend, even though you know James is a total flirt.

“Well, he can be charming, I did teach him a thing or two.” He says, leaning in, draping an arm on the back of your chair to steddy it, and connecting his lips with yours.

Letting them dance for a bit you pull back with a satisfied smile. “You are a charmer Mr. Ackles.”

“Your not bad yourself Miss.Y/L/N”

“So what do I and the fine town of Haven owe the pleasure of your arrival here today, sir?” You question. Hoping that he is here just for you, but being ever the realist.

“Well, as you know, Detroit is the motor capital of the world…”

You cut him short “Yes, I have lived in this state my whole life, don’t need to mansplan or school me in my own state sir.” 

“Okay, sassy much, you're lucky, you're cute, and a good kisser.” He counters by stealing a quick kiss before continuing.

“As I was trying to say, there is a motor city charity function in Detroit this weekend, and they ask for me to make a quick appearance, and we are auctioning off one of the ‘Baby’ from this season's production.”

“Oh, that's cool. So in town for just the weekend then?” You question, trying your best to keep a smile and hopefully your voice at a happy upbeat level. Of course he is here for work.

“Well, yes and no. See, Yes, I have to make an appearance at the action tomorrow night with the car, since I drove it here. But also no, since I told my management team that I need a break, like a real break before I go back to filming the next season.”

“Wow, how did they take that?” Jensen actually asked for time off? Really? Shock doesn’t begin to describe your feelings. Trying your best you're sure your face is failing, by the slight smirk Jensen is giving you. 

“Fine, I mean, they have to be fine with it, I am the one that pays them. They were running me ragged, I was getting so burned out. Our conversations were the only things keeping me from throwing in the towel. I am serious Y/N I was this close to quitting it all buying a lot of land out in the desert.” He says, holding up his thumb and index finger millimeters apart to show just how on the edge he was. 

You shake your head at this, knowing that he would never give up acting, he loves it too much, but still. You slap his hand down, but you keep it intertwined with yours.

“When this came up on the schedule It was like fate was giving me the perfect out. We can spend the next six months getting to really know each other. We can spend time here, go down to Texas. What do you think?” Jensen explains.

You're really taken aback now, he did this all for you, he’s putting his life on hold so he can get to know you. Your crazy if you don’t say something, fuck, say anything!

“I love you!” You blurt out, shocked that those words tumble from your lips, but no one has ever put you first this way. No one has ever put their life on hold for you. Oh fuck, you just said it, fuck, fuck, fuck….

Jensen can see you shocked by what you just said as well. He’s shocked that  you beat him to it. But no more appropriate place than where they first meet, where he first lay eyes on you, where he first knew he loved you. 

Before you can take it back, because he can tell you're so close to back tracking it he cuts you off.

“I love you.” Leaning in, he tenderly kisses you, to seal the deal, and to hopefully chase away any doubts you have running around in that beautiful head of yours.

Pulling away and catching your breath, your doubts about saying that you love him first are washed away. Giving him a mischievous smile you ask.

“So when exactly do you have to get Baby to the Motor City Charity function thing?” getting up from your stool and filling the small space between you two. 

His green eyes, looking up at yours with the same mischief twinkle, he knows where this is going. 

“Last time I asked a certain girl in this bar if she wanted a ride, she turned me down so fast my head was spinning.” He jokes, getting up, and pressing his body against yours. 

“Maybe, you should ask her again, but this time ask Jensen, not Dean.” You break eye contact with him to look down at his hard chest, in a simple gray t-shirt, you let your finger run down the v neckline. 

“Do you want to go for a ride?” His voice is deep and low, but distinctively him, with just a slight Texas drawn that you think he purposefully slipped in for you.

You wrap your arm around his neck and bring his face to you, holding him just inches from you, your breath mixes with his. “Yes…take me home…please.” Your voice barely above a whisper.

“Yes ma'am” his texas drawn fully on now. He gives you a chase kiss before stepping out in front of you and taking your hand, leading you out of the bar and towards the side alley. 

You're thankful for the short walk to the car, but Jensen doesn't want to let go of you. Peppering you with kisses with the passenger car door open, he finally concedes and races around to get into the driver side to get his hand into yours again for the short drive to your house. 

You try to take it in that you're riding in Baby right now, next to Jensen Ackles, but for some reason your brain is not letting you process it. You want to look at every inch of this car, but all you can keep your eyes on is the man sitting next to you, the feel of his hand in yours, and the butterflies in your stomach.

The sun is low, casting a beautiful mixture of pinks and oranges in the sky, reflecting off the water as you pass by, the windows down letting in the last of the summer wind. You lean over to flip on the radio to see what Jensen is listening to on the drive and no surprise there, classic rock blasted through the speakers, causing you to laugh out loud and making Jensen smile and hearing your laugh in person, it sounds so much better in person than over Facetime.  

Pulling into your driveway, Jensen shuts off the car, but you two don’t race out of the car yet. Taking in the quietness of the area, the advantage of living in a resort town, most of your neighbors are gone by September. 

There is something about him, Jensen, just makes you feel alive, makes you feel, almost whole again. He makes you comfortable with yourself, and your confidence overtakes you. That you slide over to him. Your lips find his neck and you start to kiss. His breath hitches, and he picks you up so you can straddle his lap.

Breaking from his lips for a second to explore his neck again, and start to leave marks up and down in. Jensen, breaks the silence. 

“You know, your house is right there, we don’t have to act like some horny school kids.” He jokes, but then leans in and starts to kiss your neck and chest to make his own marks to match the ones he knows you started to make on him.

“I know but…fuck…” You try to form a sentence but can only string a few words together before your mind is distracted by his lips.

He pulls back giving you a wink, “you started this.” he smirks back.

“No, you started this, six months ago, when you kissed me for the first time.” You counter, putting the blame back on him. Anding to torture by rocking agist him slightly.

Jensen lets out a small grown at this, his hands have found their way to the hem of your vintage concert t-shirt. It's soft between his finger tips, but he would rather have something else that soft between them. He quickly looks to the left and right of him, noticing that the houses on either side look abandoned, closed up for the summer season. It's almost dusk, but still light out enough that anyone passing by could see. He’s tempted, lord knows, seeing more of her, has never been an issue for him. But this is all new for Y/N, and it is her hometown.

“Fine, but just for the record, you started this. Six months and one week ago. Back in that bar. When you gave me that look and told me….what was it again…my Dean Winchester was showing?” He jokes. Giving her that thousand watt smile, then pulling her down for a searing kiss.     

Pulling back from him and letting your lungs fill with air, you reply, “God you're cute. Come on, let's get inside, before the neighbors start talking. We can order dinner.” Doing your best, but failing to gracefully get off his lap and onto the other side of the bench seat. You push open the passenger door, and get out.

*********

Dinner of pizza, classic movies, and popcorn were on the list of festivities for the night. Having Jensen in the same space was perfect, it was easy, there were no awkward fumbles of getting in each other's way, you seemed to move with ease. 

After the second movie you were both getting tired, You were tired from the emotional rollercoaster ride that you went on today, and Jensen was tired driving from Texas to Michigan. 

Letting out a yawn for the fourth time Jensen finally called you out. “Alright that's it.” Picking up the remote from the coffee table and shutting off the tv.

“Hey, come on, we can finish it, I am fine really.” You say, before another yawn hits.

This causes him to yawn as well. “No, come on. I am tired too.” Getting up from the couch, he grabs your hand and leads you to the bedroom.

Both dressed down in your comfy clothes after dinner, him in gray sweats and a white shirt, you in black leggings and purple tank top.

He gives you a kiss before turning towards the guest room, but you stop him. 

“Where are you going?” You question, still holding onto his hand.

Turning back to you he looks at your still interlocking hand, and then to you. “I just thought…well…I didn’t want to assume.”

He starts to explain, but you cut him off, pulling him back to you, bringing your one hand behind his head and pulling it towards you and wrapping your other around his waist. Crashing his lips into yours. You back into the doorframe, and he braces himself so he doesn’t put his full weight on you. 

Pulling out of the intense kiss, you take a second to breathe. 

“You're not staying in that spare room. I was stupid enough to have you sleep in there once before, but never again.” You say matter of fact. Walking back into the room, pulling him along. 

Jensen follows, kicking the door closed behind him, happy to follow wherever you go.

The End.....(for now)

Tag List:

@ladysparkles78 @smoothdogsgirl @n-o-p-e-never @stoneyggirl2 @lmhf1 @kr804573 @deansimpalababy @livingdeadblondequeen @winchesterwild78 @foxyjwls007

[wauzmons]

We have been Betrayed, Backstabbed, Bamboozled: The Future of Elysian Eclipse

So, if you are active on our Discord, you know that EE is made in the Unity Engine and the CEO just decided to massively fuck over all the devs who are using it...

Callum Upton made a great video explaining the situation:

But it gets even worse!

Unity since defended themselves, saying that these fees are only affecting 10% of their customers, because of the $200k and $1m thresholds, so Indie devs don't have to worry about that.

…which isn't true:

Unity Plus

They aren't only introducing these fees but also changed the regular pricing plans! They just removed "Unity Plus" which is the lowest tier and costs about $50/month per dev with taxes. This is what most indies use. The next higher tier costs QUADROUPLE that amount and is also required to remove the universally loathed "made with Unity" splash screen. Oh! And if you have the personal tier, you won't be able to use Unity offline anymore! It now needs to do a license check every 3 days to function!

Unity's Ad Service

The fees will hit devs that do free-to-play mobile stuff especially hard, since they still have to pay the fees even when the players don't buy anything, meaning they could end up owing Unity more than they make in income. But what's this? If you use Unity's advertising service for your game, you will get a discount on the fees! The majority of mobile games run on Unity, meaning they are trying to monopolize the mobile ad market with this!

Publishers

Elysian Eclipse has caught the interest of a really big studio and publisher, who is considering to handle the marketing and publishing for the game. They are obviously planning to make the game come out big with sales, going beyond Unity's thresholds. But since the game is made in Unity, they probably now have to reconsider that carefully, since that would cause a massive amount of fees with Unity's new pricing model. So any game using Unity is now an instant turn-off for publishers, also massively hurting indie devs who don't reach that income threshold yet.

What will happen now?

So, Unity can't be trusted anymore and should be seen as a major threat to us and the gaming industry. Even if they walk back on some of these decisions, what has been said, has been said. They showed that they don't care about destroying thousands of games, as long as it nets them profit, so who knows what they are going to do next?

I will pause the development of Elysian Eclipse and release the Patreon demo, including all the prototypes like Aquatic Stage for free today. I canceled my subscription and it will run out next year, so Unity isn't getting a single cent from my games anymore.

Unreal Eclipse?

In the meantime I'll focus on improving my C++ skills, so I can work more effectively in Unreal Engine 5. Unreal is the current industry leader, offering much better solutions for graphics and performance for 3D games. It is also partially open source and completely free until you reach $1 million in revenue.

It is unlikely that I will be able to just translate the game from C# to C++ and port it over, since it is using a lot of engine-specific features. This basically means, we will start from scratch... I can't tell yet how much work this will be or in what ways the game will change.

But one thing, you can always be certain of: I will NEVER BETRAY MY DREAM. I will finish this project, no matter who or what stands in my way. I hope you will continue to support me on this journey.

That being said,

FUCK JOHN RICCITIELLO!!

Fucking cunt.

[lemedstudent2021]

4 years ago when the dumbfuck (biden) won, i was a first year university student, nodding along solemnly when my family briefly discussed foreign and internal politics over our tea, pleased to be finally old enough to somewhat contribute to adult conversations.

i still clearly remember my aunt saying "well, he isnt any better [than his predecessor] but at least he cant be worse". the conversation moved on from there, but my thoughts lingered. i didnt know if i wanted to be a cynic or an optimist, so i drank my tea in silence.

--

this past year has been one of the darkest in our human history, the scale of death and destruction and pure unadulterated depravity is unmatched. it will truly be long before the world can hope to recover from the atrocious damage that has been dealt, if it ever does.

i wont go into details mainly because i havent the time nor interest in doing so, but the world to no ones surprise is changing, fast and taking a turn for the worse. it has been for years perhaps even decades now. in the grand scheme of things i mean.

for many of us this is nothing new per se, merely a tangible extension of our worst nightmares and fears, but for many others its a reign of terror of the most potent kind. one that will herald further losses, but this time around very few will be spared.

--

despite myself i did think that common sense would prevail and wed see the the fucker (trump) behind bars and hopefully dead and not- as of writing- about to win another 4 wretched years in office.

theres a sort of grim satisfaction seeing the bitch (harris) getting a big fuck you to the face, but its devastating to think that she is losing has already lost? to the biggest fuck you to the planet. i truly dont want to imagine what the world is going to look like 4 years from now. if there is anything left of the world to look at.

--

there isnt much to say or add i think. nothing i can contribute at least for the time being. i would however like to point to what jon stewart bless his soul has to say about the matter

esp at 02:15

sounds hypocritical to say after having said nothing but the worst, but i mean it when i believe that this isnt the end. to give up now is to doom ourselves and the rest of the world (and perhaps the trajectory of humanity itself, whos to say) into eternal darkness.

ive said it many a time on this blog before and ill continue to say it for as long as there is life in me; power will always be with the people. weve seen it time and time again throught history and before our eyes. we are a force to be reckoned with.

we do hold the power to change the tides, look how many countries fought with everything they had for their freedom, how many times we arose from the ruins and started building anew and with just as much fervour, how much damage we can do to the institutions that dare to transgress.

war brings out the worst in some but the best in others. this is a war, one the corrupt wage on the sanctity of our lives and human rights, one were all on the front lines of, for ourselves and those around us.

--

as cliche as it is, and i admit to it being so, our chances honestly are better when we move and act as one. dont be fooled into thinking our differences will seperate us; those in power follow the age old rule of divide and conquer & thrive when we are scattered and lost.

show them that our spirit is one and whole, prove to them that we wont give into their unjust demands. look out for one another and dont hesitate to come to each others aid. be kind to yourselves.

humanity as a whole literally and metaphorically depends on it.

Godbless & Godspeed

[lacunasbalustrade]

my parents' situation has escalated in the time I haven't been here properly, I'll summarize:

I had to call the police because my mother, a grown woman of 47, thirty years older than me, and my father, a grown man of 50, decided to attack my younger brother for sassing them.

He's got a tone issue. He's always had a tone issue. But apart from that, he's obedient, much more than a normal child, good in his studies despite a slight disability that makes it hard for him to read, and takes care of our younger siblings.

this grown couple decided they needed to beat him to teach him a lesson. he hid in the bathroom. I had to hold my mother back and literally block my father's way. when I first tried to call the police, he took my phone and locked it in a room.

It's happened in the past. Same thing, but with my older brother, who is decidedly more troublesome, but also definitely not delinquent status.

it's been a few days since then. the police arriving stopped them from contemplating more violence - also, I managed to make them give allowance and transport to school by threatening to file charges. but some changes have been made. all of us older kids have to cook our own meals, sleep at 9.30 pm, and adhere to random rules they've decided to put into place without prior notification. furthermore, my mother has been throwing away the gifts we gave her in the past.

it's not the rules I hate adhering to - in fact, it's a bit of relief since I no longer have to depend on their constantly fluctuating schedule. It's the awful reason behind them - our parents wanting to alienate us from them and make everything a business transaction. it's the frostiness and polite greetings and designated responsibilities purposely planned to make us bear the weight of their lack of affection.

it's the way my mother refuses to talk about anything that's happened. she says she can't manage it emotionally. so i can hold back my parents from attacking my siblings and research laws and scholarships to get out of this place and she can't bring herself to have a mature, reasonable conversation. any disagreement is seen as disrespect, arguing with her.

we have five kids in this family. the older kids take care of two of the youngers. we don't go out after school, don't take any extracurriculars other than the school mandated ones, don't take tuition because we know family expenses are tight, don't even have friends we spend time with on a daily basis.

my mother's parents kicked her out of the house once she got married and played favourites, preferring her brothers to her. my father's mother was promiscuous during her marriage, is a Buddhist who forces her view of religion on others - think making everyone eat vegetables - and his father was abusive.

It's not that I don't know they've gone through pain. But pain isn't an excuse for them to pass on their life trauma. My mother bought a couple of clocks after the argument. They make the same sound as the clocks her parents have at their house. Ding-dong. Think creepy school bell.

I'm researching full-ride scholarships overseas. If worst comes to worst I'll take a government bond scholarship. I'm also thinking about setting up my own debit card since I'm over 16, and starting to work part time - which I've wanted to do, but which they've never let me.

I'm not injured by this, per se, because I still love them, even though they definitely don't love me. But my self worth does not hinge on whether they love me or not, and I want to, moving forward, find a source of income and work harder at my studies and extracurricular activities, plus creative pursuits, so I have a better portfolio that I can use to get myself into a scholarship.

They didn't actually have enough money to pay in full for my university/college anyway. Instead of relying on them, I'd really like to broaden my horizons in a foreign country, take subjects I'm interested in, and see how far I can go without them to hold me down and shut me up.

[kinja145]

The evil has been defeated ; the french translation of DLTD is complete !!!!!!!

It has been almost 9 years since I started it. I was in my first year of highschool when I started, I've gratuated, I went to university for 3 years, graduated again, and now I'm working. It has been a long, long thing to do. I did it with passion, but sometimes I feel like I wasn't as much implicated in the translation of some chapters compared to others, but I still loved it from start to end. Sometimes I wonder how I managed to stay so implicated and how I didn't just abandon the project ! But at the end, DLTD is always somehwere in my thoughts, I just can't escape it lol DLTD is a story, a fandom, I can't quite seem to leave. I've been way less into it these past few years, but everytime I came back to it, it felt like home and it still does. I think I've felt almost every emotion with DLTD, and I'm not just talking about the first part, but DLTD as a whole. I don't have the words to drescribe how much this story means to me, how it changed my brain chemistry.

I know the story isn't perfect, God knows I can tell that. But I just accept it with its flaws and kind of cringe parts that are so reminiscent of 2010s ! Without DLTD there is no drawings from me, or at least less, and probably not so much progression. So DLTD saved my imagination in a way, even tho time and energy is missing now that I'm working but I still love to draw for it. Thinking back on those 8 years, I'm amazed to see how obsessed I was with it. I did a comic adaptation of the first chapter, an ending, a parody I never finished with Daniel, dozens of fanart, a discord (that didn't really work but it's still out there !). I met lot of people, including my beta reader YuuKyun whom I haven't heard from for almost 3-4 years now. I really, really hope she is okay and will reappear someday. Big kudos to her, she was so helpful in the early years ! This translation wouldn't exist without @burakkuenjeru19. She is the reason I even started translating it. So kudos to her. She also listened to me yapping about DLTD for all those years, and yapped back so yeah, really kudos. This story has literally marked me. Even today, we still quote the lizard in the toaster from chapter 2 with my friends (iconic !), and more parts of the story. We had so so much fun reading the story together, giving each other a character to voice. We did it again a few weeks ago for old time sake, and it was still so wholesome !! The chapters aren't all out right now, but I'll start posting one chapter per day in december. Wich makes me think ; ever since 2016, I've always had at least 10 chapters of advance on the publication. I think I can take pride in that uwu As for DLTP, I don't know for now if I'll get to it. It's just a whole lot of work, way more than the first part. But I feel like I'll miss it so maybe there's a world where I start the translation of it too. I'm just not making any promesses !

And to end this post, I have to thanks the one and only : @hateweasel

I don't even know what to say to thank you, Hate. You brought to me and to many more people so much with your story and your imagination. Your interest for the surnatural stuck with me and you put it so well into the story, I just love the fact that you don't represent surnaturals as monsters. Yeah, they're people too. I just love this concept !!

I was so, so scared the first time I sent you a message here to ask the permission to post the translation. I think I read my message like 10 times to make sure that there wasn't any mistakes... And then, you helped me tons of time with words, sentences, and parts I didn't get. And you let me have so much liberty with the adaptation of the story in my language, it was really, really great from you, thank you !!

We started talking a lot at some point even with jet lag, and it was really great even tho we had multiple conversation at the same time lol

You made me discover a lot of things outside of DLTD with your blog too, and I'm thankfull for that too.

I just can't thank you enough, and I think everyone else who has read and loved DLTD can say the same. Thank you again, Hate (especially if you read all that) !!!

I'm going to keep on posting the last chapters, and then post drawings here and there I guess, now. Until then, farewell duckies !!

[inastarlesssky]

More Dreamuse thoughts because I had some realizations I came to. This scene is living rent-free in my head and I've just had some thoughts so have this is in mind, k?

Dream: The last time I saw you, you said you would never speak to me again. Calliope: I'm sorry, I had I did not know where else to turn. Dream: You misunderstand me. [steps ever so slightly closer to her] When I heard you call to me, even after all this time...let me help you. Please.

So because of a recent fixation upon The Sandman Netflix series, and after watching the series all the way through, I've started thinking about Dream of the Endless and turning over in my head the little details one can pick up on while watching the episodes. Just personally, I tend to think (a little too much probably) on things but when something catches my attention, well, all the more so.

That being said, in the first few episodes, I observed that Dream's reactions or emotional responses weren't...hm very strong, per se. Or rather, he might not always have shown on his face the emotion you can clearly hear in his voice. I thought that was really interesting because, well, as human beings, if someone's angry/sad/hurt, you will more often than not see that in a facial expression (granted, of course, people are different, and some are more expressive than others....I'm not trying to make a universal statement here, just making comparisons). Note that Dream of the Endless is not human. He is an anthropomorphic entity that according to Tom Sturridge is basically (damnit I can't remember how Tom said it in the interview) the collective unconsciousness of the world--dreams and dreaming and all that.

He's not human. Which means he will, accordingly, react to and perceive and experience things in ways different to us human beings. Keep that in mind.

It seemed to me a little subtle reminder to me of exactly that, he's not human. He's distant in a way. He definitely does still feel things, very strongly sometimes even. But his way of expression is different. Anyway, I digress.

So on a lovely server I just joined, I posed this question and the folks there pointed out that it's true, Dream doesn't necessarily vocalize an emotional response, but if it's very strong or boils over, then yes. Now I take 'vocalize an emotional response' in two ways:

saying "I feel [angry/sad/frustrated/insert whatever emotion]"

Showing in a change of the tone of voice or making some sort of comment that will give insight related to said emotional response

I've never seen him do the first and we shouldn't, because that doesn't make for very good storytelling. The showing is more frequently better than the telling, I believe. But I want to draw your attention to the second point, and most specifically to that scene when he's talking to Calliope shortly before he ruins Arthur Madoc's life.

She tells him about her plight, and he responds by saying he'll take care of everything she's asked him to, basically. She frowns at this and asks him, "Why? Because I was once yours?" He answers with a quiet, "Because he hurt you" and then continues with the quote I put at the beginning of this spiel.

"The last time I saw you, you said you would never speak to me again." - Maybe it's just me, maybe I'm imagining things. But I could have sworn I noticed a little, almost imperceptible change in his tone when he delivered this line. Without knowing any of the history they had (I know a little bit more now than I did then... but in that moment, no), I could tell that this was something painful for him. Something he'd been hurt by. (I know that it's all just 'poor Morpheus', they both suffered, and they were both hurt, and I could go off on a whole 'nother thing for that)

But my point is that, he's hurt. He mentions this to her, not directly telling her that, but reminding her of what she'd said to him so many years ago. Something that wounded him. Despite that, he has willingly and most readily come to her assistance when she called him.

That's it. Just offering that up for consideration.

[kwimii999]

how do you balance sims with university? i’m having a hard time with that and was wondering how a fellow university student simmer handles it

Hi ! I'm more so in college than university ! I'm from Québec so our education system is quite different because of a thing called CÉGEP. It's a bit similar to what a college would be :)

To be truthful, at first I didn't manage it well at all. I had various breakdowns, it was actually kinda hard for me. So I took a break from creating content so I could stabilize my college situation. Now, I maximum always take 4 classes and during semesters I always make sure I dont work more than 12 hours per week. I make content when I feel like it and do not pressure myself at all. I learned it the hard way that when you pressure yourself to make content it just leads to burnout. Seems obvious but sometimes you have to experience the obvious to truly learn :) Taking less classes and allowing myself atleast days off on my weekdays is what truly changed it for me. Sometimes with only 4 classes I might end up having 2 or 3 days with no classes if Im lucky ! That's some good time to take care of myself and especially go outside by myself or with friends.

Knowing your limits

Overall, how I would say that I do it ? I think it was learning what amount of workload would overwhelm me when it came to my classes, I learned that 4 classes is perfect for me. I started college with 6 classes and that made me burntout, and then I did 5 and the same thing happened. I then tried 4 classes and I had no difficulty nor was it too stressful. However, I'm someone who isn't interested in finishing school as fast as I can so I don't care that it might take me 5/6 years to finish college !

Stressful work environments

Another factor is, if you're working, having a job in an atmosphere that isn't stressful. I luckily landed a good job with very kind coworkers, compared to when I worked in fast food, it was really stressful and I couldn't even handle that job anymore. So I quit. Having a job that stres you out can mentally drain you and can make you feel less inclined to work on school work/content creation from my experience.

Taking care of you

it's truly about managing and knowing how much pressure you can take but while still allowing yourself to breathe, to take care of yourself, making sure you eat, basically body, mind and soul ! But the key with content creation is that only do it/make time for it once everything else in your life has been taken care of and that includes you. You are very important.

Stay organized with your content

Make lists, folders, to-dos, anything that helps you and that you usually use for organizing yourself, use it. It makes you more inclined to get back to work once you have some free time to spare on making content and you end up enjoying it more !

Higher education can be very hard, but it taught me so many things about myself and showed me that I could trust myself more than I thought. Don't give up ❤️ :3

[kaettytropmignon]

i probably won't write any more but it's a shame to have written up a little something and then not do anything with it, so here

-

A relationship is a strange and wildly varying thing. It’s not like mathematics, where the answer will always be the same no matter what you do to the equation; change the order, use a different method of calculation, that sort of thing. This is good, because Eugly isn’t one for the hard sciences, much preferring to engage in the arts; and she believes that the one throughline shared in all the different kinds of relationships out there is that each is their own artform.

Eugly doesn’t claim to understand the full extent of her boyfriend’s powers, and she doubts she will ever be able to. But she sees how her broad brushstrokes meet his technical drawings, the use of the Vetruvian man as a colouring page, a dry and boring report accented with brightly coloured highlighter doodles – and to her, that is worth more than an in-depth breakdown of who they are and what brings them together. When they dance, the rest of the universe falls away. She could stay in that place with him forever. She’d like to.

Alas, life is more than dreams of dancing.

So, what’s she up to today? Well, it started with waking at her backup alarm rather than the first, so she’s up and moving by 9:30 when it should be fifteen minutes earlier. She’ll be 27 next year but she still pours sugary cereal for herself and her sister, who emerges from her room ten to twenty minutes after Eugly starts making noise in the kitchen. By that time, she’s made toast and pancakes – a batch of the traditional mix and a batch out of protein powder – adorned with butter and cream and fruit, and Pretty is free to take from any plate but she most often sticks to the cereal for breakfast and will have at whatever’s left over for lunch later. She’s been sick lately, spending time in bed trying to sleep it off, but her condition doesn’t seem to be improving. Eugly plans on getting Kaeloo to help take her to a doctor soon enough. Anyway, by the time Pretty’s back in her room, Eugly has eaten and cleared the table, collected what she intends to take with her, and is soon out the door.

It’s technically a day off but she has plans regardless. Eugly can drive, and she has her obligatory minute per day of approaching the car, the key trembling in her hand, thinking today could finally be the day she lets go of the past – before pocketing it and heading down to the train station. She misses the first one on purpose as it’s an all-stops. The second is an express out of the grassy fields and into the snowscape beyond, and she gets there in good time.

In her early days and even years spent in Smileyland, Eugly wouldn’t say she had a relationship with Olaf at all. These things change, of course; the man has mellowed as he’s become more elderly, and Quack-Quack established a firm respectful rapport fairly quickly and he’d always wanted to invite Eugly more into this part of his world. What really got things going in the end was their mutual artistic interests. They’re currently working on a mural together, to be mounted at the side of his lab. It certainly won’t be finished today, but every little bit of progress counts.

Her anticipation of Snitchy’s presence was correct, and Eugly opens not just her heart but also her picnic basket to the girl, delighting her. She piles pancakes on her plate and continues to lick her fingers long after eating them, sitting at the table writing in her notebook. Olaf is comfortable leaving her in his house – not unsupervised, as Serguei is inside with his own tasks, but it’s still an extension of trust that Snitchy would certainly appreciate.

Eugly thinks this is nice. But she wouldn’t want to be in Olaf’s home without him there, too. It’s too cold, too quiet. The knowns and unknowns of the house induce anxiety in equal measure.

Wrapped up in many layers of warm clothes, Eugly and Olaf continue their project. They don’t need to exchange many words, as when they’re working both prefer to stay focused, but there are downtimes, moments of taking a break, where they chatter with one another. Olaf is a funny old man, and seems to be under the impression that he’s essentially adopted all three of the younger men who made up the original Smileyland residents. Quack-Quack, the eldest son and his pride and joy. Stumpy, the middle child screw-up who nonetheless is worthy of love. And Mr Cat, the youngest who strikes out on his own.

Eugly says, “I don’t see him as a youngest at all.” And in numbers alone she’s right, because in age the order is reversed with Mr Cat as the eldest and Quack-Quack youngest, but Olaf shakes his head and holds strong on his opinion.

“They’re my boys and I’ll say what order they are. And you, my dear, are the perfect daughter-in-law.”

It’s a really sweet sentiment. Eugly gets too bogged down in the strange logistics and crossing threads in this metaphorical family tree. Kaeloo more or less raised Quack-Quack which makes her a parental figure but she’s with Mr Cat who is Quack-Quack’s brother? She spirals in on this for a couple of minutes before she remembers – ah yes! It’s all figurative and not literal, not real in any way, so it doesn’t actually matter! Phew. What actually matters is everyone being a family, and they are.

(Still, she thinks, it would be an interesting art project to try and map all of this out.)

Back indoors, around 3pm, lunch is shared by Eugly, Olaf, Snitchy, and Mimi, who obviously showed up at some point that Eugly simply missed. Serguei brings Olga out to join the table in her wheelchair, and the guest list is complete. Eugly gets a message on her phone and excuses herself, walking out to the hallway to see what it says.

No toys at the table, her mom would say to her, with Pretty sitting on the other side with her own phone in her hand. But, that was a different time.

After days of insisting she can tough it out for herself, over text message Pretty is admitting that she really doesn’t feel well and needs help. Eugly quickly exchanges messages with Kaeloo, organising for her to go over and watch Pretty at least until Eugly gets home. Kaeloo, who enjoys looking after people a little too much, tells Eugly not to hurry back.

“Bet it was Quack,” Mimi loudly speculates as Eugly reenters the dining room.

Snitchy peers at Eugly, squinting, searching her face. “No. That’s not a Quack-Quack look.”

Eugly mumbles.

“Speak up, devochka,” says Olaf.

“My sister’s sick,” Eugly says a little louder, and Olaf lets his cutlery clatter against his plate.

“What? No, that won’t do at all. Serguei!” He shouts, but Serguei is already standing beside him at attention. “Clear out the medicine cabinet,” he directs his butler, pointing down the hall to the bathroom. “Do not let her leave without the mentholated ointment.”

“It’s not joint pain,” says Eugly.

“You can never be too careful! Make sure she keeps her blood flowing!”

Eugly opens her mouth again, then catches Snitchy pointedly scratching her face, looking down at the table but with her eyes inclined in Olga’s direction. Beautiful, quadriplegic Olga; vacant and often asleep, gracefully aged, she is loved and cared for no less than the day her husband met her. It’s extremely unlikely that Pretty is about to undergo illness anywhere near hers, but Eugly does understand why Olaf got so immediately invested.

So she says, “Thanks,” and accepts the various oils and medicines that Serguei collects for her, putting it all in the picnic basket to take home.

Having gotten himself a bit worked up, Olaf sees his wife back to her room personally. He spends some time there, talking, keeping Olga comfortable, reminiscing about the old days. Eugly, Snitchy and Mimi linger awkwardly at the dining table for a little longer, then retire to the living room where Mimi snatches up the TV remote like her life depends on it. There’s evidence of her sitting here and eating snacks, despite Serguei’s best efforts to clean up after her.

“Do you think it’s a new kind of virus Pretty has?” asks Snitchy, flipping open a new page. “Could I come over to observe her symptoms?”

“No,” Eugly says.

“I’ve got a very strong immune system,” Snitchy tries to assure her. “I was the only one who didn’t get chickenpox when my sisters all did.”

“Yeah,” says Mimi from her spot on the floor, “which means when you do get ‘em it’ll really mess you up.”

“That’s not what that means,” snaps Snitchy.

“I saw it on the news,” Mimi sings back.

“Fearmongering!” She throws out this word like it’s a favourite in her vocabulary. “All I gotta do is not get chickenpox, and I’ve done it so far.”

“You had it,” Eugly murmurs, and both girls look to her. “No way you didn’t. Just wouldn’t have been severe enough to see.”

“I buy that,” says Mimi. “You couldn’t notice anything with Moldie scratching all her skin off, anyway! Yuck!”

“Crimson,” Snitchy corrects her.

Mimi scoffs. “She just wants to steal the spotlight from Violet, she’ll give it up soon.”

“Maybe, but we should still call her what she wants to be called.”

“Have you ever thought about changing your name, Uggs?” asks Mimi, resting her chin in her hands and gazing expectantly at Eugly.

Stumpy’s sisters sure are candid. Often more so than Stumpy back in the day, Eugly thinks. She grumbles and shakes her head. Snitchy throws her pen at Mimi to scold her for being so rude, and Mimi throws a pillow back, and Snitchy launches herself across the coffee table, and now the two of them are in the throes of a fight to the death. Not for real, of course. A playfight. Eugly never got to have those. Pretty’s fights were far from play.

Again, it was a different time.

Eugly leaves them to it, going back to the dining table to neatly collect the plates. Serguei insists on doing the dishes himself, which is probably in his programming but she appreciates it anyway, and keeps him company in the kitchen. The weather outside has turned from mildly windy to what seems to be the beginning of a snowstorm – at this point Eugly could still brave it, but she’d have to get going in order to do so. She checks her phone for updates from home; Kaeloo made it over to the apartment no doubt oozing with self-confidence, sent some texts about making soup, getting Pretty to sit up in bed for a bit, then a sudden gap followed by an ominous assurance that everything will be okay. Will be, not is, and that’s enough for Eugly. She gets up from the counter and gathers her basket, stepping back into the living room where Mimi and Snitchy are sitting on the floor, occasionally slapping at each other, but paying more attention to the TV.

“Time to go home?” Eugly asks them.

“We just got here,” whines Mimi. This is patently untrue, but Eugly will not argue. She gives them both an affectionate pat on the head, then starts down to Olga’s room to say goodbye to Olaf.

Olga’s there, settled in bed, but her husband is not. Feeling a tightness in her throat, Eugly’s gaze fixes on the shut door to the basement – which connects underground to Olaf’s lab – as her gut tells her he’s down there. And Eugly’s gut has a reputation for being right.

She opens the door, and starts her way down the stairs.

[mariacallous]

On October 10, 2018, Tyndall Air Force Base on the Gulf of Mexico—a pillar of American air superiority—found itself under aerial attack. Hurricane Michael, first spotted as a Category 2 storm off the Florida coast, unexpectedly hulked up to a Category 5. Sustained winds of 155 miles per hour whipped into the base, flinging power poles, flipping F-22s, and totaling more than 200 buildings. The sole saving grace: Despite sitting on a peninsula, Tyndall avoided flood damage. Michael’s 9-to-14-foot storm surge swamped other parts of Florida. Tyndall’s main defense was luck.

That $5 billion disaster at Tyndall was just one of a mounting number of extreme-weather events that convinced the US Department of Defense that it needed new ideas to protect the 1,700 coastal bases it’s responsible for globally. As hurricanes Helene and Milton have just shown, beachfront residents face compounding threats from climate change, and the Pentagon is no exception. Rising oceans are chewing away the shore. Stronger storms are more capable of flooding land.

In response, Tyndall will later this month test a new way to protect shorelines from intensified waves and storm surges: a prototype artificial reef, designed by a team led by Rutgers University scientists. The 50-meter-wide array, made up of three chevron-shaped structures each weighing about 46,000 pounds, can take 70 percent of the oomph out of waves, according to tests. But this isn’t your grandaddy’s seawall. It’s specifically designed to be colonized by oysters, some of nature’s most effective wave-killers.

If researchers can optimize these creatures to work in tandem with new artificial structures placed at sea, they believe the resulting barriers can take 90 percent of the energy out of waves. David Bushek, who directs the Haskin Shellfish Research Laboratory at Rutgers, swears he’s not hoping for a megastorm to come and show what his team’s unit is made of. But he’s not not hoping for one. “Models are always imperfect. They’re always a replica of something,” he says. “They’re not the real thing.”

The project is one of three being developed under a $67.6 million program launched by the US government’s Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, or Darpa. Cheekily called Reefense, the initiative is the Pentagon’s effort to test if “hybrid” reefs, combining manmade structures with oysters or corals, can perform as well as a good ol’ seawall. Darpa chose three research teams, all led by US universities, in 2022. After two years of intensive research and development, their prototypes are starting to go into the water, with Rutgers’ first up.

Today, the Pentagon protects its coastal assets much as civilians do: by hardening them. Common approaches involve armoring the shore with retaining walls or arranging heavy objects, like rocks or concrete blocks, in long rows. But hardscape structures come with tradeoffs. They deflect rather than absorb wave energy, so protecting one’s own shoreline means exposing someone else’s. They’re also static: As sea levels rise and storms get stronger, it’s getting easier for water to surmount these structures. This wears them down faster and demands constant, expensive repairs.

In recent decades, a new idea has emerged: using nature as infrastructure. Restoring coastal habitats like marshes and mangroves, it turns out, helps hold off waves and storms. “Instead of armoring, you’re using nature’s natural capacity to absorb wave energy,” says Donna Marie Bilkovic, a professor at the Virginia Institute for Marine Science. Darpa is particularly interested in two creatures whose numbers have been decimated by humans but which are terrific wave-breakers when allowed to thrive: oysters and corals.

Oysters are effective wave-killers because of how they grow. The bivalves pile onto each other in large, sturdy mounds. The resulting structure, unlike a smooth seawall, is replete with nooks, crannies, and convolutions. When a wave strikes, its energy gets diffused into these gaps, and further spent on the jagged, complex surfaces of the oysters. Also unlike a seawall, an oyster wall can grow. Oysters have been shown to be capable of building vertically at a rate that matches sea-level rise—which suggests they’ll retain some protective value against higher tides and stronger storms.

Today hundreds of human-tended oyster reefs, particularly on America’s Atlantic coast, use these principles to protect the shore. They take diverse approaches; some look much like natural reefs, while others have an artificial component. Some cultivate oysters for food, with coastal protection a nice co-benefit; others are built specifically to preserve shorelines. What’s missing amid all this experimentation, says Bilkovic, is systematic performance data—the kind that could validate which approaches are most effective and cost-effective. “Right now the innovation is outpacing the science,” she says. “We need to have some type of systematic monitoring of projects, so we can better understand where the techniques work the best. There just isn’t funding, frankly.”

Rather than wait for the data needed to engineer the perfect reef, Darpa wants to rapidly innovate them through a burst of R&D. Reefense has given awardees five years to deploy hybrid reefs that take up to 90 percent of the energy out of waves, without costing significantly more than traditional solutions. The manmade component should block waves immediately. But it should be quickly enhanced by organisms that build, in months or years, a living structure that would take nature decades.

The Rutgers team has built its prototype out of 788 interlocked concrete modules, each 2 feet wide and ranging in height from 1 to 2 feet tall. They have a scalloped appearance, with shelves jutting in all directions. Internally, all these shelves are connected by holes.

What this means is that when a wave strikes this structure, it smashes into the internal geometry, swirls around, and exits with less energy. This effect alone weakens the wave by 70 percent, according to the US Army Corps of Engineers, which tested a scale model in a wave simulator in Mississippi. But the effect should only improve as oysters colonize the structure. Bushek and his team have tried to design the shelves with the right hardness, texture, and shading to entice them.

But the reef’s value would be diminished if, say, disease were to wipe the mollusks out. This is why Darpa has tasked Rutgers with also engineering oysters resistant to dermo, a protozoan that’s dogged Atlantic oysters for decades. Darpa prohibited them using genetic-modification techniques. But thanks to recent advances in genomics, the Rutgers team can rapidly identify individual oysters with disease-resistant traits. It exposes these oysters to dermo in a lab, and crossbreeds the survivors, producing hardier mollusks. Traditionally it takes about three years to breed a generation of oysters for better disease resistance; Bushek says his team has done it in one.

Oysters may suit the DoD’s needs in temperate waters, but for bases in tropical climates, it’s coral that builds the best seawalls. Hawaii, for instance, enjoys the protection of “fringing” coral reefs that extend offshore for hundreds of yards in a gentle slope along the seabed. The colossal, complex, and porous character of this surface exhausts wave energy over long distances, says Ben Jones, an oceanographer for the Applied Research Laboratory at the University of Hawaii—and head of the university’s Reefense project. He said it’s not unusual to see ocean swells of 6 to 8 feet way offshore, while the water at the seashore laps gently.

Inspired by this effect, Jones and a team of researchers are designing an array that they’ll deploy near a US Marine Corps base in Oahu whose shoreline is rapidly receding. While the final design isn’t set yet, the broad strokes are: It will feature two 50-meter-wide barriers laid in rows, backed by 20 pyramid-like obstacles. All of these are hollow, thin-walled structures with sloping profiles and lots of big holes. Waves that crash into them will lose energy by crawling up the sides, but two design aspects of the structure—the width of the holes and the thinness of the walls—will generate turbulence in the water, causing it to spin off more energy as heat.

In the team’s full vision, the units are bolstered by about a thousand small coral colonies. Jones’ group plans to cover the structures with concrete modules that are about 20 inches in diameter. These have grooves and crevices that offer perfect shelters for coral larvae. The team will initially implant them with lab-bred coral. But they’re also experimenting with enticements, like light and sound, that help attract coral larvae from the wild—the better to build a wall that nature, not the Pentagon, will tend.

A third Reefense team, led by scientists at the University of Miami, takes its inspiration from a different sort of coral. Its design has a three-tiered structure. The foundation is made of long, hexagonal logs punctured with large holes; atop it is a dense layer with smaller holes—“imagine a sponge made of concrete,” says Andrew Baker, director of the university’s Coral Reef Futures Lab and the Reefense team lead.

The team thinks these artificial components will soak up plenty of wave energy—but it’s a crest of elkhorn coral at the top that will finish the job. Native to Florida, the Bahamas, and the Caribbean, elkhorn like to build dense reefs in shallow-water areas with high-intensity waves. They don’t mind getting whacked by water because it helps them harvest food; this whacking keeps wave energy from getting to shore.

Disease has ravaged Florida’s elkhorn populations in recent decades, and now ocean heat waves are dealing further damage. But their critical condition has also motivated policymakers to pursue options to save this iconic state species—including Baker’s, which is to develop an elkhorn more rugged against disease, higher temperatures, and nastier waves. Under Reefense, Baker says, his lab has developed elkhorn with 1.5 to 2 degrees Celsius more heat tolerance than their ancestors. They also claim to have boosted the heat thresholds of symbiotic algae—an existentially important occupant of any healthy reef—and cross-bred local elkhorn with those from Honduras, where reefs have mysteriously withstood scorching waters.

An unexpected permitting issue, though, will force the Miami team to exit Reefense in 2025, without building the test unit it hoped to deploy near a Florida naval base. The federal permitting authority wanted a pot of money set aside to uninstall the structure if needed; Darpa felt it couldn’t do that in a timely way, according to Baker. (Darpa told WIRED every Reefense project has unique permitting challenges, so the Miami team’s fate doesn’t necessarily speak to anything broader. Representatives for the other two Reefense projects said Baker’s issue hasn’t come up for them.)

Though his team’s work with Reefense is coming to a premature end, Baker says, he’s confident their innovations will get deployed elsewhere. He’s been working with Key Biscayne, an island village near Miami whose shorelines have been chewed up by storms. Roland Samimy, the village’s chief resilience and sustainability officer, says they spend millions of dollars every few years importing sand for their rapidly receding beaches. He’s eager to see if a hybrid structure, like the University of Miami design, could offer protection at far lower cost. “People are realizing their manmade structures aren’t as resilient as nature is,” he says.

By no means is Darpa the only one experimenting in these areas. Around the world, there are efforts tackling various pieces of the puzzle, like breeding coral for greater heat resistance, or combining coral and oysters with artificial reefs, or designing low-carbon concrete that makes building these structures less environmentally damaging. Bilkovic, of the Virginia Institute for Marine Science, says Reefense will be a success if it demonstrates better ways of doing things than the prevailing methods—and has the data to back this up. “I’m looking forward to seeing what their findings are,” she says. “They’re systematically assessing the effectiveness of the project. Those lessons learned can be translated to other areas, and if the techniques are effective and work well, they can easily be translated to other regions.”

As for Darpa, though the Reefense prototypes are just starting to go in the water, the work is just beginning. All of these first-generation units will be scrutinized—both by the research teams and independent government auditors—to see whether their real-world performance matches what was in the models. Reefense is scheduled to conclude with a final report to the DoD in 2027. It won’t have a “winner” per se; as the Pentagon has bases around the world, it’s likely these three projects will all produce learnings that are relevant elsewhere.

Although their client has the largest military budget in the world, the three Reefense teams have been asked to keep an eye on the economics. Darpa has asked that project costs “not greatly exceed” those of conventional solutions, and tasked government monitors with checking the teams’ math. Catherine Campbell, Reefense’s program manager at Darpa, says affordability doesn’t just make it more likely the Pentagon will employ the technology—but that civilians can, too.

“This isn’t something bespoke for the military … we need to be in line with those kinds of cost metrics [in the civilian sector],” Campbell said in an email. “And that gives it potential for commercialization.”

[celestie0]

I’m so sorry that you have to deal with that. It genuinely is a gap in maturity because he’s a person with a life before reader (I know Gojo is fictional but for the sake of this topic I’m going to ask yall to be realistic since IHM touches on a lot of reality). People aren’t just side characters to your story, they’ve existed and will continue to exist whether or not you’re around. That doesn’t devalue anyone or make them gross, that’s just life 😭

You are absolutely right that it is a red flag if someone (that’s interested in relationships and stuff) has not had any prior experience bc that means there’s a reason for it 😭

We still don’t even know WHY they split, people break up over things all the time and sometimes nobody is the villain in the story. We don’t really know all that much about Gojo yet so let’s be patient PLS

Yes we’ve seen that his ex is going to try and get him back but we literally know nothing about where Gojo and Y/N stand at that point. Right now, we know they’re (at least physically) attracted to each other but they’re not at the point where exclusivity is expected. Maybe the ex is trying to wait out their marriage, maybe she actually does just suck but we DONT KNOW ANYTHING YET PLS WAIT 😭

I’m so sorry you’re getting those asks. I get that people are super excited but damn, these are the things that discourage writers from sharing their works or leaving platforms. The worst thing we can do is pressure someone (unless it’s gege) to change their story so that it’ll please you. LET AUTHORS COOK (unless it’s gege) 😤

ILYSM and I’m so sorry about the essay 😞 I got your back and will support any and all decisions you make as an author 🥰 now get behind me 🤺🤺🤺

hiiii makimais bb thx sm for ur sweet words ahhhh i adore u. n you’re one of my readers who understands ihm so much n so it really means a lot 😭💕

thank u sm. yes i think i have always try to write my gojos as their own ppl. i want to develop them outside of just the reader. this is partially bc i adore canon gojo n it’s fun to picture how he would think/feel/act in these alternate universes im putting him in based on what we know of his personality per gege, but also i think that it makes a story more interesting? i have high standards for media i consume, esp when it comes to character devlopment, so there is high chance i will include things in fics that ppl may not like if it means it matches my vision for the character’s growth

and yeahh i think that’s the thing. i understand being antsy over learning things ab the story, but like…we don’t know anything ab ihm gojo (well i know everything ab him actually but yall stay safe tho 😂😂😂) n so the pre emptive hate was kinda shocking

yes pls lemme cook i promise i’m makin a meal over here. truuussstttt. and if it’s not to ur liking, simply leave the restaurant hahah

thanks bb <3 love u tooooo n yes ellie has been feeling a lil fragile lately so i shall get behind u ty

[a-friendly-fangirl]

Random thoughts on We're in Love (or "Your average Italian girl has had an awful week and Boygenius' love saves her ass again"):

So, I've been listening to the Boys and to their solo stuff the whole week (for the past 5 months, to be honest... but who's counting?) and I've been going crazy lately for the beauty of We're in Love.

I think we can all acknowledge that that song is one of the greatest songs in "The Record" and one of the best ever written. And then I started bawling, when my mind got stuck on its lyrics and realised just how heartbreaking and beautiful it is.

This will be kind of my personal analysis (also inspired by some suggestions here and there... thank you to all the geniuses around that have noticed certain things. I wish I could write down all your names, but my memory is awful), so if you disagree with it or feel the need to add something, do it. I'd be happy to meet more Boygenius fans!

Ok, I'd like to begin with the third and fourth line of the first verse, where Lucy sings: "I don't need the symbol of a scar/ So put down the knife, we're not swapping blood". And yet, in "The film", Julien still takes a blood oath with the young versions of Lucy and Phoebe. I think that this was such an interesting choice to make, considering the difference between the words and the actions. This actually makes sense though, when underlining that 20$ is Julien's song and these words belong to Lucy.

Julien, as her solo albums readily witness, has no real problem with hurting herself ('Cause I'm so good at hurting myself - Brittle Boned) both physically and psychologically. We also know, from 20$, that she does believe in being connected to Phoebe and Lucy in every universe or life (In another life we were arsonists). Lucy does too with them (And I told you of your past lives; In the next one [life], will you find me? - We're in Love). Same goes for Phoebe, even though it's a little more subtle with her. In fact, more than believing in other lives, she seems to believe in changing herself in the present life, so much that, even though Emily I'm Sorry is her song, she has decided to sing it with her best friends, because, maybe, she'd rather be someone that can be loved by them in particular and not someone only Emily "could want".

To better understand the scar line/imagery, I think it important to notice that Julien doesn't take the blood oath with her adult friends but with their younger selves. In my opinion, it's like a machine has brought them in Julien's universe or timeline to help her get out of her home, which, listening to her music, is a synonym of recovery or at least of a better state of mind (in Go Home and Please Stay, it is quite clear: "I wanna go home, I'm sick", while in Graceland Too she finally gets out once she's feeling better). But, not belonging there (and we know they don't thanks to Julien's surprised expression when she sees little Phoebe), pehaps she's afraid that she'll lose them once they're done with the car, therefore asking them to do that oath. Childhood scars never fully leave us, so Julien might be convinced that it'll help adult Phoebe and Lucy to remember her, once they meet as intended or hoped.

When you think about it, the layers here are so many that it's scary. Scars have always at least a touch of negativity, even when you get them for something not negative per se (I have so many scars I got from running around as a child...), because they always follow pain. Julien and Phoebe have dealt with it their whole life and have actively put themselves through it more than once, so of course Julien chooses to use a knife (which also brings us back again to Please Stay: "The hunting knife you kept by your bed". I don't think the mention in We're in Love is a coincidence) against herself if it means being sure Phoebe and Lucy know it's her. But Lucy stops her for two main reasons:

Julien won't have to wait for them to find her, because she and Phoebe will, according to Lucy, be the ones going to her, if they want to (Will you find me?);

Instead of remembering each other through something painful, they could use the happy and positive memories they've shared in this life. Lucy once again wants to do everything in her power to dismantle her friends' self-destructive tendencies and replace them with something good (even the "happy" in Letter to an Old Poet was her suggestion).

Moving on to the next lines (Isn't it enough that we stripped down to our skin?/ Cold and porcelain like bathers in a painting), the beauty of this specific portrait delivered by Lucy kind of proves the point just made. Saying that the skin is "cold" and "porcelain" delivers a poetic image of extreme fragility that could be both literal or figurative and it shows just how much they trust each other. What Lucy appears to be pointing out is that she doesn't need any more pain to believe they're in love with each other, since they've already done the great sacrifice of showing themselves when they were most vulnerable (something they're still learning to do, according to recent interviews).

In Lucy's specific case (And I told you of your past lives, every man you've ever been/ It wasn't flattering, but you listened like it mattered), I'd go as far as to think that she did that by letting Phoebe and Julien listen to the stories of her past friendships or even relationships, telling them whom she had had by her side before them. She sings that that tale wasn't flattering: why? If I had to express myself on that, I'd guess, by her albums, that, just like any other human being, even Lucy has had a lot of troubled bonds with people she might have wrongly thought were as true and loyal to her as the Boys are now (take Strange Torpedo, Nonbeliever or Brando as examples). My personal take on this part is that she hasn't tried to tell Phoebe and Julien who they've been in the past, but to confess them who had had their roles in her life previously, feeling perhaps embarassed by it. But they're in no way bored or mad at her for that, listening, however, "like it mattered" (quoting True Blue: "It doesn't matter anymore", 'cause they're together now, but it is still important to her that they are paying attention to this part of her story).

She also admits being open to them about her own insecurities, especially the fear of being or seeming crazy (I feel crazy in ways I never say/ Will you still love me if it turns out I'm insane?/ I know what you'll say, but it helps to hear you say it anyway), making herself vulnerable by exposing this side of her she usually keeps hidden in hope of being reassured by them, which they've probably done a thousand times already.

Long story short, coming to the end of the first chorus: Lucy loves and values them for the trust they've put in each other and no scar will ever match that feeling. I have a lot more to say about the rest of the song, but this is mostly me ranting about it, so I'll see how it goes. Sorry for all of this :P

[edutainer2022]

I was confronted with the issue of adult friendships lately - how hard they are to maintain or to start from scratch. Or any relationship, really, in a full-time adulthood. And I'm really amused by Tycho Reeves befriending Scott Tracy. Or maybe it kinda going somewhere, sometime. So! Scott's mind, per usual, is telling him lots of angsty lies. Scott's family love him beyond measure. And on occasion real geniuses could be real idiots. @janetm74, that little headcanon of John being his brother's keeper and secret avenger gets to feature.

LEAN ON ME

This was stupid. It was nothing, but, mostly, it was stupid. He was stupid. He should have known better by now - people just... didn't choose him. If there was a choice at all, if they didn't need anything from him or didn't rely on him in some way, if they were not lumped together by circumstances or under his command - they cast a vote elsewhere. On particularly bad days he would wonder in passing if his brothers even would, were they not stranded with him from birth. Would they ever be friends? As adulthood course corrected, he saw his brothers, and Kayo, and Brains, develop social connections and loyalties of their own, or just quietly drift away to other alliances within the family, leaving him outside looking in. He certainly knew he needed to have been on his toes, above and beyond his best to earn merit with Dad. He still did. As much as he knew for a long, long time he wasn't Grandma's first choice. He was okay with that, mostly. He chose all of them, would ALWAYS choose them - nothing could ever change that. It was enough for him. Sort of. But this? He didn't know what he was thinking or expecting, really.

Friendships, beyond networking or acquaintances, stopped being effortless some time around university or basic. The brotherhood and camaraderie in his Airgroup was on par with his birth siblings and extended family, but not much went ahead that way after his stint in... THAT PLACE and early discharge, after Dad launched IR, after everything else happened, pulling him in a million different directions. Now, Gordon's mandatory jokes about a "boring old man" aside, he was self-aware enough to understand that beyond Thunderbird One or Mr. Tracy (no, not Jeff Tracy, sorry) of Tracy Industries, he was just Scott. Nothing special. Nothing particularly interesting. Certainly not enough time in his days (and nights) to accumulate catchy topics for conversation - a fact Lady Penelope never failed to reprimand him for over seemingly endless functions that somehow always ended up with him talking shop with World Council big wigs, financiers or investors, or even competitors. It was that or mind numbing chatter about yachts and villas, and resorts, or self-aggrandizing "endeavors". He left that to Lemaire. And he really should have known better than to earnestly hope to befriend a genius. Per his original point - John and Brains knew him since birth or childhood and didn't have a choice but to put up with him. Tycho Reeves did. And chose not to. Figures!

It seemed like a fairly straightforward arrangement. A Science and Industry Council was to start a session Monday in Geneva. Brains did not object to the opportunity to fly in earlier and stay at CERN over the weekend to go over something or other with Dr. Moffat. The sniggers of the Tinies were sternly dismissed, thus encouraged,  not suppressed. Tycho Reeves was on a secondment at CERN, working on something Scott strongly suspected was GDF funded particle acceleration research for another go at a T-drive, heretofore abandoned after the fateful day of the Zero-X launch. The whimsical scientist never quite failed to loose touch after their ordeal in the Hypercar, chatting away about the most wayward ideas and the most mundane things that caught his fancy - much to Scott's amusement - in messages or over occasional holocalls. Especially if a particularly dramatic rescue made it to the Global News. Since Scott was on the SIC board and expected in Geneva for the week, booked to capacity with panels, a quick and surprisingly pleasant plan was concocted: he volunteered to take Brains over in One (or, rather, volunteered Brains to take One with him, the engineer's greenish hue notwithstanding) on Friday, they'd grab a coffee with Dr. Reeves and see what Geneva scenic area had to offer for the weekend of some friendly catching up. Scott would have One on hand in case of a major emergency. He'd never seen John take him off roster faster. Yet here he was, back on the island that same Friday, making his way back to the lounge to busy himself with... anything, really, other than thoughts in his own head.

The sight greeting him, once he made it up from the hangars, would have been more than welcome on any other occasion. He truly never was NOT glad to see his brothers. And John planetside, down from Five early, acclimatizing to gravity before his own trip to Geneva with Virgil for the relevant panels next week, was a rare and precious treat. But right now Scott would have strongly preferred to be alone and dodge questions for as long as he could. Of course, John and, by extension, Virgil would have known the moment One took off from the CERN landing pad, so now his brothers were camping out in the lounge, waiting for him. Maybe he should have banked for Gran Roca and holed up there till Monday morning.

Virgil was seated on one of the sofas, reading. John was leaning on him sideways, his long legs hooked over the armrest at an angle that could have appeared uncomfortable to anyone who didn't know the Ginger Spaceman well. John was flicking through screens on his tablet and typing away, atmospheric glasses perched on the tip of his nose comically. They looked settled quite cosily for a quiet and (hopefully) uneventful evening. Kayo and the Tinies were probably out and about, soon to join them on the couches. Scott's heart ached. He really didn't want to be a distraction of his loved ones' priceless downtime with his moping. But it was probably too late to turn the corner and sneak into Dad's office or up to his rooms. It probably wouldn't help either, if he knew his family at all. Both John and Virgil looked up at him simultaneously. John sat up wordlessly, making room for Scott to insert himself between them. Virgil shifted his arm to the back of the couch, making a flannel bracket for Scott to lean into. As usual, Virgl's eyes and expression asked everything his voice didn't - he gave the eldest brother a soft and slightly concerned once over, leaving worry hang in the air should Scott choose to elaborate. Scott was grateful for that, settling himself into the slot on the couch, his eyes steadily trained on the carpet. If asked what went wrong, he probably wouldn't be able to explain anyway re: being stupid and unable to maintain meaningful adult relationships with acquaintances. John flopped back, using Scott's shoulder now as a headrest and making a little show of finding a comfortable spot, as Scott's was not as coushonie as Virgil's. Virgil reached around Scott's shoulder and gave the ginger head a light cuff. Scott found himself smiling a bit at that. God, he loved them so much!

The silence was comfortable and Scott let himself to just be wrapped up in it. John kept tapping at his tablet. At a certain point it pinged back and John seamlessly forwarded the message to Virgil's comm. Scott trained his eyes sideways to catch that it was from Dr. Moffat:

"Dr. Reeves invited his ex husband to assist in experiments for the weekend."

Scott could feel more than see Virgil's face fall with a stifled sigh. Yeah, that... He really hated being a spoilsport for his brothers, who had a thing going on about him needing enrichment and fulfillment. And an emotional burden. Now Virgil was visibly upset on his behalf on an otherwise perfectly nice Friday night. Scott felt the muscles in his neck and back tense and tried to deflect. Maybe they'll drop it all till Monday? Then he'll be safely gone for a week and after that this whole fiasco would be forgotten. He shifted a hand to tug at John's sweatpants lightly:

- How do you know Moffie, anyway?

- Oxford.

John shrugged noncommittaly, but, surprisingly, slipped a hand from his lap and linked with his. It had always been their thing - a silent gesture, usually offered by Scott, free for the taking if John was feeling overwhelmed or down, or didn't feel like more physical contact. His brother's palm was cold in his own. As if on queue, a stronger, warmer squeeze reached his shoulder. Virgil threw in a little headbutt too. Their own Morse code for "I'm here. Are you okay?" Truth be told, he was getting a lot better by the minute. Maybe it didn't gave to be a bad day, after all.

- So, do you want me to debunk his scientific credentials or to block funding of his next hyper-rail?

Scott must have zoned out for a moment, as he nearly jumped at the non sequitur.

- Come again?!

John sighed and, Scott was sure, rolled his eyes:

- I can go over every one of his published papers with a comb and call every result into question. Hypercar had faulty calculations, for one. Or I can freeze his funding. Or both.

- What?! Why?!

Scott was not holding up a very intelligent end of this conversation, but he was shocked. He felt John shrug once more against his shoulder.

- Nobody hurts my brother. Nothing I haven't done before.

- Huh?!?

Scott was beyond coherent communication at this point and looked at Virgil for help. Virgil appeared a little bit too amused to his comfort. John perched the tablet on his lap and went on, like explaining to a five year old:

- I got Stacy Sims un-admitted to college after she dumped you two weeks before the prom. She lied about her extra-curriculars in the application, anyway.

Scott resigned himself to interjections and an appalled grunt. What he didn't expect was for the sweetest, kindest Virgil to chime in:

- Didn't you have Erin disbarred too?

His ex-fiancée of the ill-fated Big New Year's break-up Erin? The hot-shot corporate lawyer Erin? Scott felt his ears ring. Maybe he overdid it with Mach 19, hightailing from CERN? And here he thought she dropped out of the New York City scene having moved operations to Europe. John was speaking up again:

- That's right. Disbarred and prosecuted for corporate espionage.

- Seriously?! That bitch?! Cool!

There was a slap of bare feet on the floor. In a moment Gordon flopped backwards across both Scott's and Virgil's knees. Scott's feeble "Language!" was buried in the rustle of fabric and the crunch of a celery bar.

- Sorry, *the* Bitch! Allie and I were legit afraid the Evil Almost Stepmother was gonna Harry-Potter us into the broom closet.

- She wanted to send the Tinies away to a military boarding school, find a loophole in Dad's estate and strip Virgil and I of inheritance. And build a wellness resort at Gran Roca. I hacked her DMs.

John adjusted his glasses primly to sit higher on his nose and focused back on the tablet. Scott groaned out loud and turned to Virgil again, keeping his voice a whisper this time:

- Why didn't you tell me any of this?

Virgil's smile was genuinely contrite and Scott felt his heart crack once more.

- You seemed into her. We always want you happy.

He really shouldn't try and meet people again. Ever. This was too much. Scott let his eyes rest for five seconds, then tapped John's hand, still resting in his:

- Please, don't do anything now!

John tilted his head to look at Scott upside down. Turquoise eyes were serious.

- Noone hurts my brother. Not even said brother, if he's being an idiot. Let the record show I'm fully prepared to have you admitted for psych eval the next time you jump off a cliff with a jetpack on bingo fuel, or fall for a narcissistic egomaniac.

Gordon was snorting at that. Too stunned to approach the statement from any number of meaningful angles, Scott went for the tried and true Scandalized Big Brother.

- Awwww, Johnny, that's so thoughtful of you! If you wanted control of my assets, all you had to do was ask - I'd write everything off to you in a heartbeat!

John put the tablet down again - a paragon of composure.

- Let the record indicate further that I have no vested interest in your collection of rare mismatched socks, brother mine.

Gordon full on hollered at that, limbs flailing every which way. Scott reached his free arm out instinctively, stopping the Fish from rolling down on the floor. He couldn't help his own grin. An extra nudge of soft flannel from the other side sent a warm, fuzzy wave all over.

That was the moment Alan and Kayo stepped out of the elevator, hands full of stacks of pizza boxes. If Kayo raised a quizzical brow in the general direction of the couch and exchanged glances with John - it was lost in the ensuing mayhem of passing over pillows and blankets for a proper puppy pile, batting somebody's hand off the *perfect* slice of pizza, popcorn fights, tickle fights, untangling the Squid, poking the Bear, rock-paper-scissoring to choose the movies and the watching order, having Eos calculate the statistical average of Alan being sent to fetch drinks, the works. Scott let himself sink deep beneath the surface of the white noise of people he loved most in the world, and feel the coil in his gut unwind a bit. Maybe it didn't have to be a bad day at all.

TBTBTBTB

Dr. Tycho Reeves found a rubber glove blocking his vision. The large, heavy-duty one, usually used in the labs when working with hazardous substances. He looked up from the calculations. The glove didn't move away, just shook a little in a lightly trembling hand of his usually quiet colleague.

- What is that?

- I-it-t's a g-gauntlet.

Tych drew his eyes up to the sight of Dr. Hiram Hackenbacker pretty much reeling with fury and Dr. Moffat by his side, arms crossed in indignation.

- A gauntlet?

He didn't know what else to say.

- Ye-es. You up-pset m-my f-friend. I will h-hereb-by ch-challenge every d-disc-covery you m-make.

Tycho sagged, lowering his eyes back to the floor. That allowed Dr. Moffat to reach up on her tiptoes and cuff him up the head. That'd be the second one he got today. The first was from Simon, his erstwhile research partner and ex, as he left CERN to go back to enjoying the weekend with the new family before the start of the Science and Industry Council sessions. Moffie was not done yet.

- What the HELL were you thinking?!!! The most incredible guy on the planet is not opposed to having coffee with you and you sabotage it with inviting an ex over?!!!!

Well, about that... The truth of the matter was - Tycho Reeves had no idea how to deal with the most incredible guy on the planet being not opposed to remembering his name, let alone having an actual meet up, coffee and small talk, and all. How soon would it be till Tycho shot himself in the foot with some awkward eccentricity, or rambled on a mile an hour till Scott was barely following with polite boredom and checking his watch. Or, worse, invented an emergency to get out. Tycho knew he was a genius, but he was quite aware of being a nerd too. And there were only so many nerds someone like Scott Tracy could tolerate in his immediate company at any given time. Brains was a long-time partner of Scott's father and knew him, supposedly, since childhood. Tycho was passably familiar, and thoroughly impressed, with Scott's other brother's work on Astrophysics. Dr Reeves himself would be one nerd too many. Besides, he didn't fit the bill of familial affection. Or any other affection, for that matter. So, in pursuit of self-preservation, Tycho maybe overreacted, inviting a rather perplexed Simon over for the day at CERN. And now Dr. Hackenbacker was up in arms and the most incredible guy on the planet was upset or, more likely, outraged. Maybe he did shoot himself in the foot after all. Tycho dared to peek up at Brains, still staring daggers at him.

- What do I do now?

It was Dr. Moffat's turn to give him a Look and to throw her hands up in the air for an unvoiced "I can't believe you!". Brains furrowed his brow, actually thinking over some options.

- You c-can, AX-SID-DENTALLY c-come over to m-my p-panel M-monday and st-tay for c-coffee. Sc-cott always keeps m-me c-company after b-big p-presentations. He's a v-very g-good friend and b-boss.

A coffee-break after the first panel meeting of SIC Monday. Tycho Reeves could do that. He was sure he'd be watched like a hawk and would regret it if Scott as much as frowned. But it was worth a shot. The most incredible guy on the planet was worth a slim chance to make things right. Tycho Reeves had a feeling he was facing the longest two days and the most terrifying fifteen minutes of his life.