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burningdarkfire · 2 years ago

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books i read in may 2023

[these are all short + casual reviews - feel free to ask about individual ones if u want my full thoughts or ask for my goodreads!!]

this month i gave myself a challenge that i could only get one bbt per book that i finished and, as u can see, i really fucking love bbt

ancillary justice - ann leckie ★★★★★ (scifi)

guys can u believe the venn diagram of love vs. grief is just a circle ... the emotional core of this book drove me INSANE. the only book i’ve given 5 stars to so far this year!!

magpie muders - anthony horowitz ★★★★☆ (mystery)

absolute delight of a mystery that is so wonderfully constructed and interesting. i wish it had cohered just ever so slightly more into something bigger picture, but it really is one of the best mysteries i’ve read recently

yellowface - r.f. kuang ★★★★☆ (thriller)

i listened to r.f. kuang speak on this book and unsurprisingly, she delivers the novel with no hesitation. unfortunately the POV of this book doesn’t play to her strengths, so it’s good but it’s not lifechanging like a lot of her other books have been for me

lost in the moment and found - seanan mcguire ★★★★☆ (children’s fantasy)

another solid installment. sometimes reading the eighth book in a series is just like, yep, that’s what it is

the honjin murders - seishi yokomizo ★★★☆☆ (mystery)

fast and fun. the details of the solution were extremely goofy but the set up was well written and enjoyable to read

the queer principles of kit webb - cat sebastian ★★★☆☆ (historical romance)

my friend pointed out to me that this is basically just drarry fanfic and she is so correct

peeps - scott westerfield ★★★☆☆ (YA urban fantasy)

the plot itself is pretty generic but it hits beats that i personally like and i sure did learn a lot. scott westerfield is good at knowing when to dig deep into worldbuilding and when to let loose

grit - silas denver melvin ★★★☆☆ (poetry)

i didn’t quite connect on the personal level but i actually think it’s quite good poetry

happy place - emily henry ★★★☆☆ (romance)

way too much reliance on miscommunication/the lack of communication. the friendships in this book were also much more interesting than the romance

my year of rest and relaxation - ottessa moshfegh ★★★☆☆ (contemporary)

it’s unfair to compare this book to a bunch of books that came after but i really just have read so many of these unlikeable women books in recent months that they all blur tediously together. it’s good for what it is!

xeni - rebekah weatherspoon ★★★☆☆ (romance)

the characters and plot were extremely shallow but the smut was a lot of fun

serious concerns - wendy cope ★★★☆☆ (poetry)

“the orange” is a modern classic but the rest of the collection was mostly a miss. i lack the whimsy to appreciate silly poetry

what kind of woman - kate baer ★★☆☆☆ (poetry)

didn’t relate to it and didn’t think it was good 🤷‍♂️

inward - yung pueblo ★★☆☆☆ (poetry)

65% of this is trite self-help and the other 35% is woowoo bullshit

#my posts #reading wrap up #books #liveblogging books

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galvanizedfriend · 3 years ago

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👀🥳

👀 Would you ever consider writing for another fandom?

I pray every single day that I get the drive to write for another fandom, anon. 🤣🤣 I haven't been a part of many fandoms in my life, haven't written that many fics, mostly because it takes a very particular drive for me to even feel like reading fanfiction, let alone write it. When I get into a fandom, I usually stay for a few years, consume it like wildfire, and then I just lose interest and move on, and it might be years before I get interested in something else to that level. Every day I wish for something to awaken in my the will to write fic for different fandoms. 😭😭 I've been in the KC fandom for three years, it might be time to move on. But nothing so far. 😢 BIG SIGH

🥳 Any fic recs?

Oh, I have several! If you search Klaroline Fic Rec on my tags you will find several of my posts reccing fics. Unfortunately because of work I haven't been having much time lately. :( I wanted to do a fic rec event to celebrate 1k followers but life said NOPE. I hope to be back to normal in like September, hopefully still in the mood to get that going. But here are some recent/not-so-recent reads I did in the last couple of months and would really recommend:

Two Sides by @withyouandthemoon - canon-compliant fic set around the time of Silas' shanenigans with a double POV which is just delicious! I love me some canon-compliant fics and the writing on this one is stunning! ❤️

Quiet Light by coveredinthecolors - AH DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA with a dose of Carolijah and some major complicated feelings involved that just awakens THINGS in me!! I'm addicted to this, but please mind the tags! Make sure it's your thing.

Old Love by @yanak324 - Absolutely stunning writing! There's an Inertia Overcome feeling to this, if you're into the old classics. Also canon-ish, with Caroline working through her feelings for Klaus and the long-chase before she's finally ready to embrace him for eternity. It's really beautiful.

Battle Lines by @jinxedwood - A fandom classic! I've been making my way through this one slowly because life hates me, but it's amazing! Also canon-ish, and it has a really darker, grittier version of Klaus and his relationship with Caroline. Mind the tags! But it's really so compelling and the plot keeps you glued to it!

Cafuné by @destellolunar - I cannot believe Sabrina thinks she can't write, but her drabbles are just incredible! I love this one so much. It's a very different take on the hunter's curse and the idea of soul mates. Truly gripping, fantastic writing and it comes with an amazing edit!

Until the Break of Day by @little-miss-sunny-daisy - on-going AH AU where Klaus is an art thief and Caroline an FBI agent. Honestly, the chemistry in this just screamings. It's delicious! The banter is off-charts. Sunny Daisy's writing is RIDICULOUS in the best kind of way and I will vouch for anything she writes.

And there you go!

Thank you for the ask, anon! ❤️

If anybody wants to play, send me an emoji from this list!

#ask game #positivity sleepover #anon

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fayesdiary · 3 years ago

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Corrin for the character ask thing?

You didn't mention any questions you wanted me to answer, so I'll just pick those myself! 1- Favourites thing(s) about this character?

Their kindness and mental fortitude!

Way, way back when I first started playing Fates I mentioned how astounding it was that Corrin went through all the shit in the first six chapters that take place around what, two weeks at most? And

2- What song(s) remind you of this character?

To quote @good-beans, 😐

4- Would you write about this character?

I am daydreaming about planning a Fates sequel featuring the two versions of them from Birthright and Conquest, which also includes a Revelation AU with a fallen Corrin who's under constant threat of degeneration.

Honestly, the real question is not "Would I", but "Will I actually write about them?"

Eh, that's up to the executive dysfunction demon to decide. help me

8-Do you think this character is underrated or overrated?

Underrated, absolutely!

They get a lot of undeserved hate from the fandom that's become pretty much self-sustained by this point, but the truth is there's a lot of endearing stuff about them that you can see if you just give them a fair chance!

9- What’s your favourite headcanon(s) for this character?

Post-Conquest Corrin spends most of their free time at the nearest lake, hoping they'll see Azura again, since they don't want to know she's dead. Sometimes one of their siblings joins in, but more often then not they're on their own, talking to Azura, hoping she can hear them wherever she is. Eventually it became a habit to self-reflect and voice their thoughts out loud as a way to vent.

10- Who do you like to ship with this character? (If you do of course) Is it another character from the cast or is it an OC?

I paired them with Felicia in Birthright because I think they're really cute together (also the idea of Princess Felicia fascinates me for some reason, especially in Birthright since... Flora), with Silas in Conquest because I kept pairing them up ingame anyway and with Annabelle in Revelations, mostly because I found the idea of Corrin's family becoming even more comically large really funny😂 Also I feel they make a good couple!

11- Who do you not like to ship with this character?

Their siblings, for starters (and yes, that includes Azura). But also characters whose age difference is too much from Corrin's alleged age, ranging from literal children to people old enough to be their parent.

But besides those big no-nos that have been beaten to death by literally everyone... I can't think of anyone, at least not right now.

16- What do you think would improve this character? Like, character-arc wise?

I really wish they weren't an avatar.

I made a whole essay about the narrative implications of Robin being an Avatar and it was lots of fun, but honestly? I don't like the way Fire Emblem handles avatars. At all.

Either they make it so that they're barely even a character with Dora the Explorer-level interactions or a fully fledged character that feels directly at conflict with being an avatar.

And then there's Byleth, that from what little I know about 3H is a mix of both, and that's just gonna be lovely when I play it /s But both variants feel incredibly jarring, and they break my immersion when they're meant to do the opposite, the first one with characters suddenly turning to the screen and addressing you, the latter because you can't choose how you talk or what to do, so they do a terrible job at being "you". Just look at how people love to complain about Corrin being "dumb" or whatever.

Just adding an avatar makes you lose so many things, both minor like the camera bending over backwards to not show their face in CG cutscenes since it's customizable or awkward 1st person POVs, characters not being able to call them by name.

And this is more debatable on how much it affects the writing, but I definitely won't deny that FE games with an avatar tend to have the problem of revolving more around the protagonist and needlessly complimenting them even when they fuck up, or them feeling a bit more generic or at least subdued to make them more relatable.

And while I feel Robin wasn't affected by this (...mostly, but even them I'd say them being an avatar worked really well considering the series' state by that point and... well, just read my essay above I'm too lazy to repeat myself), I think Corrin got hit hard.

Mind you, I still really like Corrin and I think most criticisms of them are overblown at best and disingenous at worst, but they're a terrible avatar, since the only choice you can make that actually matters is the route split, they have a backstory and family that "relatable" is the last word I'd use to describe, and in general they're really unique in the way they talk and act, so the avatar thing feels like a huge detriment to the character.

If they weren't an avatar, they'd probably be more open in their personality and we'd have more flavored character interactions, they'd get called out more when they mess up (then again, the fact that they don't is what makes the latter half of Conquest feel "wrong" in a way that fascinates me, because it feels like someone constantly reassuring themself everything's fine while the world's crashing down around them) and also we'd be able to actually see them emote in cutscenes!

Oh, and also we wouldn't have shit like them being able to marry their family and literal children.

17- Have you ever had a crush on this character…?

On male Corrin? I don't know, probably? On female Corrin? Absolutely, but then again I crush on so many FE/fictional women it's honestly embarassing😳

19- What would the show/book/movie game be like if this character wasn’t present?

IT WOULd Be BETtEr, fATes bAD lMAo

But seriously, it's so out there to imagine it could be its own big AU! Lilith would be Anankos' only child, and since she doesn't go to Nohr to watch over Corrin she would go to Hoshido to join Mikoto's side and pretty much get adopted.

So:

Princess Lilith being a Diviner

Mikoto bonding with her adopted(?) daughter and the two quietly going to Valla just to talk about... you know, together whenever they can

Yato and the prophecy don't show up and that's good because I hate prophecies (well, that or Lilith's kid could wield Yato?)

What's not to love? And yes, I will take every excuse to give my babey fish dragon the spotlight she sorely needed

Not sure where it would go after that, like: does Azura still get kidnapped? How does the war start in this universe? Without Corrin, how would they reach out to Nohr since none of them have pleasant memories about the place or people?

It could take so many different directions and I love it!

21- Wild card! Talk about anything to do with this character! Anything at all!

Why are Corrin's default hair light brown? (Or y'know, whatever their hair color is called)

According to FE logic, they should be either black or blue like Azura's, and while I get why they didn't go with the latter for spoilery reasons I wonder why they don't have Mikoto's hair color.

That or have Sumeragi have Corrin's default hair color as a red herring to mock the very convention, it would have been funny.

It's not a criticism or anything, it's just... a nitpick, I guess?

When I replay Fates with the Team If translation I'm definitely making Corrin's hair black! Character ask game

#fire emblem #fire emblem fates #fe14 #corrin #ask replies #anonymous #character ask game #you know i wasn't planning to do a whole dang essay but got carried away

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tlbodine · 3 years ago

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Skin Thief Project Post-Mortem

In which I ramble about the WIP I just finished, and my thoughts about what I learned, what worked, what didn’t, what I’ll do differently next time. I thought it might be interesting to put this out there in a public space, because this is a phase of the creative process that’s really important but also never gets talked about, somehow?

But I will put it all under a cut because, hello, spoilers. Don’t read this if you don’t want to get spoilered about the book!

I often express confusion at the way other people are able to write stories that follow outlines or more-or-less adhere to the vision they had in mind when they started, and I think this book is a really clear example of what I mean when I say “I don’t do that.”

The initial spark of the idea came while playing a short indie horror game called Serena. There’s a little bit of flavor text in there that alludes to Irish folklore, and the subtext of the game has to do with abuse and possibly captivity, and somehow that made all the synapses in my brain fire off about selkies and the sort of control taking their skins affords you.

In the stories, taking the seal skin is always a very incidental thing. But what would happen, I wondered, if someone were ripped out of it? What if the story treated the rape and kidnapping metaphor of the myth with the kind of horror it demands?

The second thing that struck me at the time was financial abuse and other types of insidious control, and how especially rampant they seem to be in creative professions. I read accounts of dysfunctional, damaging relationships between “young, vulnerable creatives and influential men who abused their status” and thought about how that specific type of abuse was a very good fit for the selkie metaphor that was rattling around in my head.

The skeleton of an idea came together:

A rich, important man of some kind who takes a selkie captive for some reason

A girlfriend character who’s in an abusive relationship with the man but doesn’t realize it

To escape the relationship, she has to become aware of the selkie, sympathize with her, try to free her, and in the process realize her own bondage so they can escape together

I had two clear scenes in mind from the beginning, little mind movies that sat fully formed in my head: one of the selkie being forcibly pulled from her seal skin, and a sequence where the selkie and the girlfriend would both turn into seals and swim away to freedom together. I had no idea what would connect those scenes or how the logistics of them would work out, but those thematic bookends formed the general shape of the plot arc.

The problem was figuring out how to approach the story from a narrative perspective.

At first I’d imagined the story told from the selkie’s POV, with her held captive in a more obvious manner -- tied up in a basement, maybe, kept in a cage, appealing to the girlfriend/wife in fleeting discussions. But I struggled with getting the selkie’s voice right. I wrote a chapter experimentally in her voice (it’s still appended to the beginning of the book on Wattpad) but it didn’t feel right. She’s fundamentally inhuman, from a very feral background, living primarily among seals, and having her pull the weight as a narrator didn’t feel authentic to the story I was trying to tell. It also made it hard to get any sort of interiority with the girlfriend character, whose history and abuse was so insidious that it needed to be told through her own perspective -- it wasn’t the kind of thing that could easily come across in dialogue, since so much of it is stuff she doesn’t realize is abuse.

So then I thought of telling the story from the girlfriend’s POV. In that version, the timeline would be more protracted and the pacing more gothic. She would be a newcomer to the house, and the selkie would have been captive for a long time. I envisioned a “woman in the attic” sort of arrangement, a narrative where the girlfriend at first thought the house was haunted or something before realizing the origin of the odd noises and discovering the selkie was being kept captive.

But that didn’t feel quite right either. The dynamic I envisioned -- the one anchored to those two key scenes in my imagination -- demanded that the girlfriend be in the relationship for a long time. It required that she slowly realize the nature of her abuse by seeing it paralleled in someone else. Having her be relatively new to the house and relationship would have shifted that to a different sort of dynamic, one where she saw what kind of danger she could be in.

So I scrapped that idea.

I spent a lot of time afterward kind of missing both of those perspectives and the stories they contained, and wondering if I missed the mark with the approach I finally chose. I guess we’ll see how it does with test audiences on wattpad and how I feel when I come back to it after a cooling-off period.

What I ultimately settled on was an alternating POV between the girlfriend and the man, leaving the selkie’s inner world to be more of a cipher. I thought it would be more interesting (and chilling) to see the way a rich, powerful, abusive man would justify and rationalize his actions. I think he’s a very frightening character, and one of the more disturbing perspectives I’ve ever written from. Through to the very end, he is convinced of his entitlement.

That said, arranging the narration the way I did makes this a very heavy read. There are some moments of sweetness and light -- and some occasional comedic relief, courtesy of the selkie’s not understanding things -- but it’s overall very oppressive. I’m a bit worried the story is too oppressive, to the point where it’s not as much frightening as depressing and/or triggering. That’s going to require some rebalancing and consideration in the next draft.

Some parts that I think work really well:

The initial selkie rape/skin ripping sequence is exactly as horrifying and uncomfortable as it needs to be

The ending, which sees our two women bonded physically and emotionally, hits mostly the right notes

The scene where the selkie is in the bathtub and just completely spectacularly failing at acting human is very funny

Some parts I know need work:

We’re going to need to see more of Moira and Silas interacting by themselves in the beginning, to get a sense of the creative world they occupy together and how that affects her later -- probably have the story start out in the recording studio, seeing her at work

We’ll probably need more characters to come and go and give some better sense of both isolation and social status because right now the whole book feels like it happens in a bubble

The time line is going to need to be adjusted; either the pace has to be changed to suit a really fast turn-around of events, or the calendar needs to be stretched and filled a bit because, again, bubble

Make this story slightly more fun??? to read??? maybe???

I’ve entered it in The Watty’s this year and who knows what may or may not come of that, but hopefully I’ll have some energy to examine the story in the future. I’ll probably leave it to cool for quite a while, though, since I’ve got the new thriller WIP + those Neverest edits I keep putting off (and don’t even talk to me about the werewolf game, that’s a whole other thing).

#writing process #writeblr #my writing #post mortem #we belong to the sea #I've had this in my drafts and forgot to post it #oops #but posting this kind of thing is useful I think #like I hope this helps someone #I really encourage you to write post-mortems for your own fiction #decide what works #what didn't #what you want to fix #it's helpful #I do it all the time #I just don't usually post it lol #but I totally can keep doing that #if that is interesting to people #let me know

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lovelylogans · 5 years ago

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Virgil seems very young to take over an entire business by himself, even if he has done it is entire life. How did he deal with the stress of it in the early days and were there ever times he couldn’t cope? Especially with his whole family out of town, it sounds very difficult

he is fairly young, that’s true!!! he’s 22 when he takes over the family business; rather than go to college, like wyatt, essie, and silas did (freddie ended up going to various programs for dance and acrobatics) he ended up staying at home and slowly taking on more and more responsibility at the diner, since he eventually figured out that was what he wanted to do.

so really, i’d equate virgil taking over the business as more of a trade school thing? his parents made sure to educate him all about it, and he went to the occasional community college course when it came to, like, taxes and payroll and how to handle all that. so knowledge-wise, he was pretty set, especially with the knowledge that he could call his parents if he ever got into a sticky situation, especially in the early days.

however, it was also very stressful. he ended up going on anxiety medication (he goes on and off, ever since his diagnosis) which is mentioned in the fic; he also was going to monthly therapy sessions, which is more frequently than he usually did (meredith mentions that virgil tends to go to therapy when he has a Really Big Problem, so him going monthly and, at one point, i think biweekly, is a big deal for him.)

i was going to go a bit more in depth about virgil’s various stresses in the christmas fic, but i think i’m going to table it for a later fic or maybe even a diner-centric oneshot, we’ll see.

speaking of things that ended up getting cut from the christmas fic; i was going to go a bit more in depth with various danes family things (the biggest one being that cara, at the inn, was going to be an ex of essie’s, which i cut at the last minute because it kind of came out of the blue since she was a pov character once and it hadn’t been mentioned before, at all) and i was also going to go a bit more into danes family business drama, which also includes this little tidbit that’s going to be included whenever i write a virgil-centric teenage retrospective (which is in the drafts!) but it also provides some important characterization information:

silas was planning on asking to take over the diner, because he realized most-of-the-way through college that doing repairwork on electrical lines wasn’t exactly what he wanted to do with the rest of his life, but virgil beat him to it.

(virgil didn’t know this; his parents had a suspicion, but silas always shrugged them off and pointed out that he’s interested in science work, so they mostly let it go. essie knew, though, and therefore the reason that she’s the one who he accepts as the one to be emotionally vulnerable with, esp during the fic.)

but! yes! virgil calls his parents semi-often, and sometimes gets Very Overwhelmed and stressed; however, he does love it, which helps balance it out, and gradually, about nine months into it, he kind of realizes how much he’s settled into it, and gotten used to the little crises of the day-to-day. but you’re right, it takes him a minute to get to that point.

#wyliwf asks #Anonymous #ask

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sobstoriesandshitposts · 5 years ago

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2019 has already ended but here’s a list (+ my unasked for opinions) of all the books I’ve read in 2019 in chronological order, Part 2.

((Disclaimer: this is a shitpost for myself and highly overrun by my emotions — I shall not be held accountable if my opinion is taken seriously. And I know it’s 2020 already, but procrastination is prevalent.))

By the way, here’s part 1, if you’d like.

8. The Dragon Republic

Rin was an absolute mess the entire book and god knows how frustrated I got with the dumb decisions™ she made every step of the way. But the poor girl was going through some shit and she picked it all up at the end, so I’m ready for the third installment, and to finally, see the end of the poppy war. Also, THE THIRD BOOK HAS BEEN NAMED “THE BURNING GOD” and I stan. But generally, book 2 wasn’t very memorable to me, and I don’t remember it very well anymore so it was eh.

Characters: 3/5

Plot: 3.5/5

General feel things factor: 3.5/5

9. An Ember in the Ashes

God, I WAS SO DISAPPOINTED BY THIS BOOK. I almost hate it. I might actually. It’s definitely the book I dislike most of 2019. Ok listen, I’m pretty sure I dislike it because I hadn’t been in the right mindset to read it, and it just ended up not being the kind of book I was looking for in terms of plot and mood. Maybe it was intentional, but everything ended up being really dreary and boring and so underwhelming to me. I didn’t feel anything for the story nor for the characters (whose names I no longer remember). I mostly wanted to follow the first girl’s story rather than the other two characters (even though honestly, I didn’t care for what was happening to her either) so I ended up skimming half of the book and then forcing myself to finish the rest of it. Why didn’t I just DNF it? I don’t know too. I was probably going through some kinda mood.

Characters: 1/5

Plot: 1.5/5

General feel things factor: 1/5

10. To Kill a Kingdom

NOW. I’ve seen some reviews on this, and boy, were they mixed — but let’s ignore them, because here is my significant opinion: it was cute. I think tkak is just a simple, short fantasy-romance that got out a cute couple and was done with it. I loved Lira’s character, idk there was just something about her dryness (hah, even though she’s a siren-) that I really enjoyed. Although I have to say, the main guy character had been rather bland, and I don’t remember his name anymore. But anyway, I liked the first-meeting-girl-slaps-boy-scene. I liked the pirates. I liked the romance. I liked the straight-forwardness. I liked the happy ending. (And after AEITA, this was exactly what I needed.) So 10 points to Alexandra Christo.

Characters: 3.5/5

Plot: 3.5/5

General feel things factor: 3.5/5

11. An Enchantment of Ravens

SO. DAMN. ADORABLE. Some people hate enchantment, some people don’t. I personally absolutely loved it. I found Isobel and Rook so cute together, and everything was just really soft and fluffy. Like tkak, it’s just a short and sweet romance, but it leans more towards the fairytale vibes — and I was vibing. I found both the main characters so whimsical and dramatic and ridiculous and they were just so ENJOYABLE to read about. The plot was simple and to the point and it didn’t meander when it didn’t have to — so I don’t care what anyone has to say, an enchantment of ravens is probably one of my favorite reads in 2019 and I adore it. (And the line “Now stop making me feel things.” is just iconic to me. I mean, please, Rook.)

Characters: 4.5/5

Plot: 4/5

General feel things factor: 4.5/5

12. Graceling

Alright, so this is the book I ended on before I stopped reading, aka stopped ignoring the reality of my exams, to start studying for my exams. I found Po and Katsa cute together and I enjoyed their dynamics, but they got a little boring towards the end. I think their relationship got too mature and serious for me (or maybe exams looming over my head just made me really depressed) so they lost the childish charm about them that had drawn me in in the first place. But that doesn’t change the fact that Katsa is an absolute badass, that the entire scene in the courtyard where they fought is iconic, and that the truth behind Po’s sight at the end made me cry. Wasn’t my favourite, but graceling was enjoyable, which was exactly what I needed to feel satisfied to end on, and not too drawn into a world that I needed another one to replace it after it ended. Thank you Graceling, for saving whatever had been left of my grades.

Characters: 2.5/5

Plot: 3/5

General feel things factor: 3/5

13. The Cruel Prince (& The Wicked King & The Queen Of Nothing)

This is definitely my favourite book (and series) of 2019 and I was ruined by it. I actually had to reread the cruel prince, because the first time I did, I didn’t enjoy it and that didn’t sit right with me — I mean, come on, Holly Black is my queen and there’s no way I’d dislike a 4.2 star book of hers. And boy, was that one of the best decisions I’ve made in 2019. I was so immersed in Jude’s world and everything she was about to face; I rooted for her the whole way. I loved her character so, so much (for once, we get an mc that is actually smart). I loved Cardan so, so much. Honestly, I truly liked all of the characters. And Jurdan? I live for that sh*t. I was completely floored by this trilogy and I. Still. Want. More. (+ The quotes from this series??? Just freaking iconic.)

Characters: 5/5

Plot: 5/5

General feel things factor: 5/5

14. Sorcery of Thorns

Ah, yes, another one of the books I was disappointed by. After An Enchantment of Ravens, I had been so excited to read the second work of Margaret Rogerson, but it wasn’t what I thought it’d be. I really enjoyed it at first, but around the half way point I started to get bored and almost DNFed it. And yes, I am aware that Sorcery is meant to be an epic fantasy and is different from Enchantment, but I just thought that the characters would still have that whimsical, ridiculous flair that had been done so well in Enchantment — but the character building here kind of just fell flat for me. Although there were moments I did enjoy reading about Elisabeth and Nathaniel, I just didn’t really see the chemistry between them and I couldn’t appreciate their interactions and banter much. I felt like Silas was just a cookie-cutter “cold on the outside but warm on the inside” character as well. Okay, I’m being extra harsh on this book because of my crushing disappointment from great expectations, but actually, Sorcery had been a pretty good read that started off well. Although the middle got a little dry, i think it picked itself up again at the end and I felt compelled to finish it. Plus, Silas’ moment made me tear up even when I hadn’t expected myself to, so, that’s always a bonus.

Characters: 3/5

Plot: 3/5

General feel things factor: 3/5

15. The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue

So whimsical. So funny. So light-hearted — yet it had the surprise punch-you-in-the-gut feels. I spent a good deal of time laughing over Henry’s antics (when he ran naked around Versailles???? Oh my god, what are you doing, Henry?) and his efforts at trying to be a decent human-being. It was honestly, a very heart-felt and romantic story, which really has me torn up because how does Mackenzi Lee weave in so many heavy, important themes like abuse, trauma, racial and sexual discrimination and mental illness, and still make it such a light-hearted story — that was done well? (And lets not forget how she’s also managed to include some serious Fullmetal Alchemist vibes in there complete with murders and violins and pirates. Geez.) She’s a genius that’s how. The number of times I’ve almost cried, but was saved by Henry’s comments is just- ugh. If there’s any book I’d recommend just for being a damn good book, it’d be this one because, wow, was it good.

Characters: 4.5/5

Plot: 4/5

General feel things factor: 4.5/5

16. Carry On

We have now reached my final book of 2019: it was an absolute delight and one of my favourites. I just loved the characters, like they were so enjoyable to read about. I mean, I felt like Simon had a stick up his ass for a good portion of the beginning, but he softened up later on and my god, Baz. I loved his character so much. And the pining? HELL YES. And then, of course, his refusal to admit that he was pining to anyone else but himself. Simon and Baz were just extremely shippable, and I was ready to gobble up whatever I could of their romance. So fluffy, so ridiculous. Rainbow Rowell also made good use of the switching POVs. I normally dislike it when author’s switch the perspectives because it tells a side of the story that I really don’t care for (ahem, an ember in the ashes...) but Rowell did it so damn well. Even Agatha’s pov was enjoyable. She provided a different perspective on things compared to the other characters and I actually really liked her “I don’t want to have anything to do with this bullshit” take on things. It was fresh, and funny, even if she was being an ass half the time. So, Carry On? It’s a yes from me.

Characters: 4/5

Plot: 3/5

General feel things factor: 4/5

And finally, my 3 DNFs, in which I will rant about them just a little:

1) Wicked Fox

Didn’t like the writing style. Normally I don’t notice writing styles much because I’m just not that good with the technicalities, but Wicked Fox’s bothered me and I just couldn’t enjoy it. Also, I wasn’t in the mood to be patient, so I just decided to drop it.

2) Serpent & Dove

I actually really liked the beginning, but I think I wasn’t in the right headspace and I started to get bored by it, so I stopped reading. I’ll probably pick it up again in the future when I’m in the mood for it though :)

3) Throne or Glass

My god. I picked this up purely as tribute for Feysand — which, I guiltily admit, I really enjoyed — but- I- I couldn’t get past the first five chapters of tog. Putting aside the writing style (Why! Are! There! So! Many! Exclamation! Marks!), I didn’t feel anything for any of the characters, and any of the scenes. I don’t know what it is, but everything just felt so disconnected from me, and I had an inkling that I wasn’t going to care about what happened to the mc, or what happened with her and the other two (who I presume are) love interests because even on first impression, and a little past that, both seemed so bland to me. Sigh.

That’s it for the list; if you’re still here, good on you.

#the dragon republic #an ember in the ashes #to kill a kingdom #an enchantment of ravens #graceling #the cruel prince #the folk of the air #sorcery of thorns #the gentleman’s guide to vice and virtue #carry on

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witcher-ot3 · 4 years ago

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List of Iorveth/Roche WiPs

Because somethings I like to torment myself by showing how many fucking things I’m working on. Doesn’t help that lately, I’ve started a new WiP every time I get stuck in another fic. So, in no particular order (literally just how the tabs are ordered in my window lmao), here are all my Iorveth/Roche WiPs

2 fics in the Petals and Stripes ‘verse - one with Roche’s POV straight after and one of the Stripes’ POV as they deal with the aftermath... and try to help their boss woo Iorveth. Surprising no one, they’re terrible at it.

Curse breaking WiP where True Love’s Kiss strong emotion for one’s enemy saves Iorveth’s life. And then he, Roche, and Triss team up to go save the Scoia’tael.

Roche’s POV WiP set before they first meet. Includes some nice knife and blood kink during a face off between Iorveth and Roche. No idea where this one is going.

Eye On You Chapter 3, for which the plan is thigh-fucking. That’s it, that’s all I got.

Fake dating casefic (The Curious Case of the Murivel Resort for Couples). rn they’re playing strip gwent and I somehow signed up to write 5 different gwent games for this 😢

Competitive makeouts (The Chase) rn they’re spiderman kissing, but there’s gonna be a conspiracy plot that Iorveth has to reveal.

New ‘verse involving Iorveth/Roche/Kayran and Roche/Foltest lmao. First WiP is Roche running into Iorveth during his monthly fuckdate with the Kayran... and then joining in. Second WiP is a comparison of Roche’s two relationships and how they make him feel. For some reason, I framed it around the Chivalric Virtues from Blood & Wine and made it a 5+1 lol

Pining and Poignards, a WiP in which there is pining and stabbing lol. A poignard is a type of knife, which Iorveth generously “gifts” to Roche. rn Iorveth is sneaking around the army base and has just caught Roche masturbating. I...only sort of know where I’m going with this one.

Tittyfucking. That’s it, that’s the plot lmao. Iorveth is a lil obsessed with Roche’s chest and attempts to fuck it.

Gross Gremlin Man aka Iorveth prefers Roche nasty and sweaty. Uh... I just started this one and somehow it went from “huh, why do I not mind Roche when he’s all sweaty” to “hmm, I think I’m gonna steal his clothes and smell them while I touch myself” and I’m still working on the transition from one to the other lol

Red is the Rose Chapters 3+4 - Ch3 is about ready for posting, but I’m trying to figure out how much of the events of W2 to cover or if I should just skip all of them and get to the post-W2 plot.

Fun fact: all of those WiPs above are in 1 document because I like to make life difficult for Google Docs. But the other docs are all specific ‘verses (or themes) and these ones are theoretically standalone. Theoretically.

More standalones

Letters - a post-W3 WiP where Roche is running Temeria and hates it and starts receiving letters from Iorveth (sealed with a forget me not in wax).

WiP where they both get captured and imprisoned in a magic cell and whoops, sex ends up happening... and then their teams come rescue them.

Cuddles with the Commander - continuation of Pride of Temeria, where Roche wakes up cuddled up with Pillow Tits and his team.

Fire Breathing - a Meet the Family WiP where Iorveth is hanging with the Stripes and PT decides to demonstrate how to breathe fire. Iorveth is more than slightly freaked out that humans have this ability.

Iorveth gangbang - uh yeah, what it says on the tin. The Blue Stripes take Iorveth apart under Roche’s guidance.

Different first meeting identity porn WiP - they meet in Flotsam just as the Scoia’tael is starting to get formed. Neither knows who the other is, but they have amazing sex and every time they’re in Flotsam together, they meet up again. But Iorveth, of course, leads the Scoia’tael, and Roche has been tasked with hunting them down.

Crones WiP - Roche went to the Crones to plead for his men back. He gets them back - but as ghosts. He also gets assigned to help work on a cure to the Catriona plague, and it turns out one of the people already working on it is Iorveth. I literally just want Blue Stripes ghosts laughing at Roche’s bad flirting, but somehow it’s mostly angst rn ooops

Love Shack WiPs

First Time WiP - this one is so close to being done dammit. It’s actually the first WiP I ever started for this pairing and it just needs like 2 more orgasms aaaaahhhhhh

Medicine WiP - morning after their first time, they have a discussion about scars and medicine and how elven medicine is way better than human medicine. Not at all based on the billions of medical procedures I’m going through or anything.

PWP Ovi WiP - uh yeah, this one is just pure porn. rn Iorveth is giving Roche his eggs and Roche is loving it.

The Picture Says It All - next is gonna be a sketch of Roche hard at work hunched over a desk and Iorveth is all “no, this is wrong, he’s meant to be wielding a sword and fighting me”

The Haunting of Barrack 8B - Adda!! Adda is officially getting introduced in the next part, which is good, ‘cause she’s important in this ‘verse (and in my heart)

Roche builds Iorveth a home WiP - oh yeah, I stalled out because I realized I had to establish Roche and Rinn’s friendship before she could give him a hint about making a nest for Iorveth

Long Live the King - WiP about Roche’s relationship with Foltest, some of what he’s done for the King, how Iorveth feels about it, and then the big finale for this ‘verse, which I will leave secret for now.

Don’t Cry For Me, Temeria WiPs These are only the ones that have actual WiPs started, because believe me, I have a LOT more ideas

(Im)Perfect Strangers ch 27 - time for Roche to step up his wooing. Featuring dinner, dancing, and gift giving. And, of course, it wouldn’t be me without misunderstandings lol.

Between Two Fools Ch 8 - I’m working on getting this out as soon as I can. Just gotta finish writing their sex from the end of (Im)Perfect Strangers ch 26

Unlucky Number Thirteen - I want to write about how he starts spying for Roche and their developing kinda mentorship relationship

Silas’s story - he’s literally JUST joined the Stripes and I need to write how he and Thirteen work closely together but also this poor anxious boy is like 3 seconds from a heart attack at all times rn. It will get better tho.

Earning Your Stripes ch 2 - the first time. This chap will actually have porn! But first I gotta finish writing it lol. Rn Ves and Finch are double teaming Fenn and PT and Thirteen are in subspace cuddling with Roche, but soon they’ll get to join in too.

break (v /brāk/): to destroy someone's resistance - cnc WiP where Iorveth asks Roche to break him - and Roche has a lot of fun doing so as they pretend to fight like they’re still enemies.

Bath House - this was SUPPOSED to be a porny lil thing where Roche talks dirty to Iorveth while they’re stuck being proper for the kids, and then finally they get some alone time. But what it also turned into is that Anais and Thirteen equally hate baths lmao. Boussy loves them tho. He’s a hedonist, while Anais is just bored and Thirteen is like a cat with water.

Tutti Ch 2 - Iorveth begins to compose a symphony for Roche about their love story.

Daggers, Dumplings, and Dresses - the Elihal/Hattori side story. Not gotten much written so far - mostly just Elihal reflecting on his friendship with Iorveth.

The First Rule of Fight Club ch 2 - Ves now has time to think about what Ciaran said about Roche not being worthy of her loyalty. And also about how Ciaran’s skin tasted when she bit him.

Dragonfucking - another PWP WiP featuring a threesome with Saskia... except Roche still doesn’t know about the whole dragon thing, so he’s in for a surprise.

Water Balloon Fight - silly lil WiP where the Scoia’tael and the Blue Stripes have a water balloon fight. PT is the ref.

Baby Mama - lmao yes that is what it’s listed as in my doc. Not gonna say a lot about this, but will probably be a longer piece. Set in the distant future in DCfM,T.

Tempt Not a Desperate Man ‘verse Yeah, does anyone know what this is? It’s the ‘verse that started with Devour What’s Truly Yours and so far has nothing else published oops

Part 2 - in which they actually have to face each other again and figure out where they stand. And then there’s some fisting.

The Chaperon - Iorveth decides to make Roche a chaperon since the last one was sacrificed as a cum rag

Human Bootlicker - Iorveth makes a joke about Roche surrendering on his knees when he gets the upper hand in a fight between the Blue Stripes and the Scoia’tael - and then Roche actually does.

Elven Baths - so it’s kinda a thing in this ‘verse that they end up meeting and fucking in the elven baths in the Flotsam forest. As in, the legend about “if you’re in love, you can still hear the lovers’ sighs in the garden” came to being because Roche is fucking loud lmao. Also, roses of remembrance. 😉

Sort of series fics, but technically stand alone. AKA apparently I decided I wanted to do Themes.

Theme 1: Possessiveness aka all the kinky sex kinda embarrassed to admit to these which is dumb because fuck shame

Piss fic - uh, kinda what it sounds like? Roche decides to be an asshole and refuses to move out of the way when Iorveth tries to get to the bathroom - and somehow this turns into Iorveth pissing on his crotch.

Come inflation + piss fic - Roche gets a potion that makes him come a lot. Iorveth likes it and wants more.

Possessiveness - Iorveth has feelings about his nemesis and Roche does not know how to feel about this.

Tentacles + Breeding - a tentacle/vine plant instinctively tries to lay its eggs in Roche. Iorveth is not okay with this plant going for his enemy... until it turns out Roche is very much here for it. And also for Iorveth fertilizing the eggs after they’ve been laid.

Dream - Roche dreams about Iorveth being an elven king and himself being essentially Iorveth’s plaything, to use and to show off

Theme 2: King Roche aka hey, wouldn’t it be funny if he ended up in charge? He would hate it so much

Murder husbands - Iorveth breaks into the palace and finds the very unhappy “King” Roche, then they go run away and kill war criminals together. But of course Roche could never abandon Temeria, so he’s still in charge by day. But by night, it’s murder time.

Okay, technically this has like a line written for it, BUT bodyguard AU where Roche knows he’s gonna get assassinated without protection once he becomes king, and only Iorveth is allowed to kill him. So only makes since for Iorveth to become his bodyguard.

Arranged Marriage AU - inspired by softestpunk’s The Gift, I literally just want cracky fun where they are forced to get married and they hate it but also fall in love. That’s it, that’s the story.

Holy fuck, I have a lot of WiPs. But I think that’s all the Iorveth/Roche ones. Which is not to say I don’t have more, but rn, I am hyperfixated on these idiots, so these are the ones I am actively writing.

#rorveth #iorveth x roche #the witcher #the witcher 2 #long post #My fic

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creacherkeeper · 5 years ago

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how to study an author’s style

i hate when teachers will tell you to copy an author’s style for a project but DON’T TELL YOU HOW TO DO THAT! or maybe you just want to write more like your favorite author! trying on some new hats! there are plenty of reasons to want to look at style, so, some tips, & examples under the cut

where do they put their dialogue tags? how often does their dialogue go without tags, and when?

are there any words that are repeated throughout a section or text? how often do they use repetition of phrases or words? what is this for - tone, character, or something else?

how elevated is their language? (you can always chuck a passage into a readability checker like this one to get a grade level for the text)

how long are their sentences & how many clauses is that sentence broken into? does the length vary little or greatly? is there a pattern to their sentence length within each paragraph?

long paragraphs or short?

do they use humor, and when? what’s meant to be funny about the text? is it in the narration, the dialogue, or both?

how often do they use figurative language, and which kinds? metaphors or similes? personification? synecdoche?

do they alliterate for emphasis or write out sounds?

how do they imply emphasis? italics? punctuation? sentence length?

when listing things, what number of things do they list? how do they use conjunctions? (syndeton is when conjunctions are used, “blank and blank and blank.” asyndeton is when no conjunctions are used, “blank, blank, blank.”)

how is information delivered? at the end of the sentence, or beginning? do we always know something right when the character knows it?

this is all great in theory, but how about we put it in practice?

to use as an example, we’re going to look at several works of neil gaiman, author of the princess mononoke adaption and nothing else (besides many books and comics and whatnot, some of which we will look at here)

under the cut: the graveyard book, the ocean at the end of the lane, & american gods

each text has had three sections, about a page in length, analyzed. i used the first page, as well as at least one page with heavy dialogue, and one page with little to no dialogue. besides these criteria, the pages were chosen randomly

the graveyard book

3rd person omniscient - past tense - children’s book

sentences per paragraph: paragraphs had one sentence in them commonly (39% of the time), but went up to 7 sentences in a paragraph

words per sentence: sentences had high variation in number of words. each page had sentences between 1 and 4 words long. however, some sentences were very lengthy, with the top sentences in each section being 43, 41, and 57 words long

clauses: it was not uncommon for a long sentence to have up to 5 clauses, with one extraordinary sentence having 11

dialogue: dialogue tags were put before the dialogue 2 times, in the middle of dialogue 8 times, and after the dialogue 3 times. a character’s dialogue tag or action being between two or three sections of dialogue was by far the most common, but did vary by character. sometimes dialogue tags were used multiple times per character speaking (such as one in the middle and another at the end)

emphasis: italics were used 3 times in the pages, and a character spoke in all caps once

figurative language:

synecdoche: “There was a hand in the darkness, and it held a knife.”

personification: “The knife had done almost everything it was brought to the house to do” / “The knife and the man who held it had slipped in”

simile: “they looked like dark mirrors”

metaphor: “smoke-tendril voice”

in these passages, figurative language was used to bolster an atmosphere of dark aesthetics and light horror. figurative language was used the most in the passage with no dialogue

syndeton: “His hair was dark and his eyes were dark and he wore black leather gloves”

special notes: period-specific language was used, such as one character using the term “blast it”. while the book was easy to understand, elevated language was used on occasion, such as “expostulated” instead of “said”. the narrator gave us information about how the characters were feeling or what they were thinking, but also seemed to have opinions not shared by the characters, despite not being a ‘present/strong’ narrator. the narrator did imply some concept of an audience

the ocean at the end of the lane

1st person POV - past tense - adult book with a child main character

sentences per paragraph: paragraphs had one sentence in them 17% of the time, but went up to 11 sentences in a paragraph, with 4 to 5 being common

words per sentence: sentences had high variation in number of words. each page had sentences 3 or less words long. the top sentences in each section were 42, 41, and 28 words long

clauses: there were sentences with 5+ clauses in each section, with 7 clauses appearing twice

dialogue: dialogue tags were put before the dialogue 4 times, in the middle of dialogue 7 times, and after the dialogue 1 time. no dialogue tag was used 4 times. mid-dialogue was still the most common, and sometimes there would be multiple tags or actions in each section of dialogue

emphasis: italics were used 4 times in the pages

figurative language:

metaphor: “transformed her face to gold”

synecdoche: “lettie’s voice was close to me, and it said” (this could also be interpreted as personification, since the voice is talking)

figurative language was not used often in these passages, but was used to bolster the mood of scenes (the golden face introduced a mystical character, the voice was in a tense moment before a chase)

asydeton: “squinted at it, sniffed it, rubbed at it, listened to it, then touched it”

special notes: in this book, an adult narrator is telling the story of his childhood. the narration is very simple and to the point, and does not use flowery or figurative language often. though it is told in first person, in these passages, we don’t get very much interiority from the narrator. most of the mood-setting of scenes is in the actual content of them, which is meant to be magical or horrifying in parts

american gods

3rd person close - past tense - adult book with adult main character

sentences per paragraph: paragraphs had one sentence in them commonly (36% of the time), but went up to 7 sentences in a paragraph, with 3 being most common. overall, the trend was towards less sentences in a paragraph

words per sentence: sentences had high variation in number of words. each page had sentences 1 or 2 words long. the top sentences in each section were 39, 41, and a whopping 92 words long (92 words? neil, dude.)

clauses: the most clauses in a sentence was 12 clauses, with 4 or 5 clauses being common

dialogue: dialogue tags were put before the dialogue 2 times, in the middle of dialogue 11 times, and after the dialogue 3 times. no dialogue tag was used 8 times, mostly if there were two people in a scene or we weren’t supposed to know who was talking.

figurative language:

personification: “[snow] that kisses your face with its hesitant touch”

metaphor: “twelve cotton-candy inches of snow”

so shadow isn’t ... the most imaginative person when it comes to figurative language, but bless, he’s trying. figurative language is used when we’re inside the POV character’s head

syndeton: “so he kept himself in shape, and taught himself coin tricks, and thought a lot about how much he loved his wife.”

special notes: this book uses more complex punctuation than the others did. we have em dashes and colons, sometimes in the same sentence, as well as ellipses and semicolons. though the narration follows shadow, we also get thoughts directly from him in italics. one time, italics is used for a piece of dialogue said in the past, while quotation marks are used for past dialogue in the same sentence. overall, this book has much more complicated sentence structure, though the overall diction isn’t necessarily of a higher grade level (though it does swear, like, a lot)

conclusion

from this sort of analysis, this is what we can gather of neil gaiman’s style, that we can now use to copy him as we choose:

he has high variation in paragraph length and sentence length. there are plenty of short, punchy sentences, both in narration and dialogue, but the long sentences are much longer than average, and use a high number of clauses. 4 or 5 clauses in a sentence was fairly common, not just for listing things. when a paragraph had only one sentence in it, most of the time it was used for emphasis of an idea or to switch the focus of a scene. interestingly, the paragraphs that took up the most space on a page usually had more words per sentence rather than more sentences than average

word choice and diction was used to establish tone. the graveyard book, which is a children’s book, had more elevated diction than ocean at the end of the lane, which is an adult book. overall, the sentences tended to be fairly low-grade-level in word choice (besides the many curses in american gods, as mentioned), and the content set the age range more than word choice

if you want to write like neil gaiman, for the love of the gods, put your dialogue tags in the middle of your dialogue. this was by far the most common way the dialogue tags or character action was placed within the dialogue (49% of the time, out of four options). another thing that stands out about the dialogue tags, is that while in the middle they’re often used to emphasize the first word or phrase of the sentence (”who,” said shadow, “...” / “that,” said silas, “...” / “i think,” said silas, “...”). when not in the middle, the tag could be at the end of the sentence, or there would be no tag at all. the tag was very rarely at the beginning of the sentence

he used both syndeton and asyndeton for lists of things or joining multiple clauses. this was present in every book, though i only looked at 3 pages per. another thing i noticed while reading the graveyard book separately (this was not present in the pages i analyzed) was listing things in twos with two and’s and one comma (blank and blank, blank and blank).

emphasis tended to be through sentence length rather than italics. italics were used for specific words or thoughts more often than emphasis, and was not very present in these pages

the POV changed in each book, as well as narrational distance from the characters, but they were all written in past tense

figurative language is used to set tone, abide by an aesthetic, and inform us of character. the presence of figurative language does change depending on the book, and was the most present in graveyard book, which had the most distant narrator. the figurative language used was tied to character. in the graveyard book, the man jack and his knife are described with synecdoche--when a part represents the whole. this is very interesting once you find out who the man jack is!

and all this from just 9 pages! imagine what you could do with a chapter, or a short story

i do recommend checking out the “bad gaiman challenge” on youtube, one because it’s very very funny, and two because you can then ask yourself, what about these make them read like neil gaiman stories, terrible though they are? some things you might notice - long sentences, syndeton, tone, and more!

if anyone is still reading, thank you for sticking with that very long winded example. hopefully you learned something about how to analyze a writing style! try it with your own writing, too! do it for a story you might not like as much, and your favorite, and see how they differ. plug your stories into an analysis website. you might be surprised what you learn!

#writing #writing tips #style #neil gaiman #the graveyard book #american gods #ocean at the end of the lane

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silasatwater-blog · 8 years ago

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with a little help from a ...friend? ( silas & grace ) ft. colton

Mentions @justcorinne & @coltonklynn

As a patient man, one would think those with patience could wait in line. However, when that man is currently sitting through a marathon of his favorite show, you’d be surprised at how fast a person can turn. Standing behind a family with a cart, overflowing with groceries, Silas endures his need to check out their items for them in order to speed up the process. He’s as patient as can be, with a basket holding bread, butter, and cheese, dying to get himself into a grilled cheese mess whilst burning through episodes of Parks and Rec. He decides to kill time by surfing through social media on his phone, wondering if he’d ever post on Instagram again. Just then, he’s unaware of how fast time had sped by, as a hand taps him on the shoulder. “You’re next,” the soft, yet familiar voice speaks.

Silas turns, shuffling to put his phone away. “Oh, sorry– Grace?” he’s pleasantly surprised, placing his cart onto the moving conveyor belt. She smiles sweetly, giving him a little wave. “Hey!” The two exchange a little hug, as it wasn’t their first time meeting. “Wow, fancy meeting you here,” he chuckles, his attention bouncing from the cashier and her. “To think we’d shop at the same market,” she returns. “What’s wrong with the ones in CBD?” Grace shakes her head, her hand along with it for emphasis. “Nothing— I was just in the neighborhood and decided to save myself the trip and just do a grocery run here.” Silas nods, and just before he responds, the cashier tells him the price. “Just a sec,” he tells Grace, searching for his wallet.

In a state of panic, Silas freezes, mouthing a heavy ‘no fucking way’. “What’s wrong?” Grace chimes in, worried. “…I forgot my wallet,” he whispers, looking up innocently at the cashier. She’s got the same impatient eye roll Silas had a few moments ago, popping her gum, extending out a hand, her facing saying ‘well?’. He begins to stammer, dreading the thought of going back to his place without getting to make a grilled cheese. Just before he announces his inability to pay, Grace places her items behind Silas’, pushing him with the cart to move forward. “I got it,” she smiles at the cashier. She doesn’t say anything but shrug, as she begins to scan Grace’s items. “Don’t worry about it,” she whispers over to him, waving her hand.

He wants to protest, but how can he deny what has already been done? Instead, he carries everything as they walk out of the market, directly to his car. “What are you doing?” she laughs, following after him. “We’re gonna go back to my place so I can repay you, duh.” Grace rolls her eyes, deciding not to protest. After all, you never know when you’ll be in need of fifteen bucks.

It’s a short drive to Silas’ home, the two hurrying in with bags of groceries in a casual fashion. Leading her in, he heads to the kitchen, hoping she’d follow and not wander into his mess. “You just got bread, butter, and cheese right?” Grace laughs, looking around his home. “Let me guess, you’re craving grilled cheese?” He nods with a laugh, unpacking everything to find his items. “Don’t judge me, I was in the middle of a Parks and Rec marathon.”

Silas settles everything as needed, turning to find Grace sitting at the counter, watching him. “What?” he raises a brow, coming to the other side of the counter. “Nothing, just trying to separate differences and similarities between you and Cole,” she answers rather sure of herself, sneaking in a grape from the fruit basket sitting in between them. The moment she mentions Cole, Silas’ facial expression drops. He recalls the text from his cousin, feeling himself grow into comfort mode. Obviously, Silas was a huge supporter of Cole’s happiness. Lately –well, since last year– the source had been Grace. He knew of her for quite a while, and getting to meet her was like completing a long awaited puzzle. He liked the idea of them together, so in his mind, he believed the two shared harbored feelings that both were too scared to admit. “…What?” Grace adds with a humorless chuckle. “Am I not supposed to eat these?”

Shaking himself from those thoughts, he leans against the counter, taking a grape for himself. “Oh, no it’s totally fine,” he adds, hoping this small act would make her forget about his sudden change in demeanor. With a keen eye, Grace inches closer, her hazel hues squinting dramatically. “I’m sensing that it’s not,” she somewhat sings, straightening her back as she reaches for another grape. “What’s going on?”

Now, it was the debacle between bro code and bro code with someone who basically paid for your meal. Silas waits too long to answer, and now Grace’s demeanor changes too, her brows knitting with concern. “Si, is something up with Cole?” she crosses her arms. He snaps, raising his brows. “—Wait, why? Why do you think something’s up with Cole?” She lets out a chuckle, scoffing almost. “…Because that was the last thing I mentioned before you froze on me.” She takes another grape, hoping if she seemed a bit more relaxed, it’d make him spill the tea. “C’mon, I’m a big girl.”

He’s grazing his bottom lip between his teeth, sighing as he quickly ends up deciding ‘whats the big deal anyway?’ “—It’s nothing, I promise. I just remembered a thing, that’s all.” Grace can’t help but laugh, unable to hide her grin from watching Silas dance around the topic. “You know, you’re a pretty bad liar.” A single brow rises along with the corner of his mouth. “That’s the first time anyone’s ever told me that.” Grace shrugs, resting her chin on her fist with a cheeky grin. “A liar knows a liar, whether or not he’s a good or bad one.” “Didn’t take you for a liar, Grace,” he chuckles, crossing his arms in interest. “Everyone’s got a dark side.”

After their little banter, Silas decides he’s comfortable enough to ease into his curiosity. Grace had to know by now, right? Girls told their friends, everything. “Anyway,” she quickly adds, putting him off his trail of thoughts, getting off her seat. “You know I went to culinary school, right?” Silas nods, eyes squinting as he hopes this was going in the direction he anticipates. “Apparently you never fail to mention it.” She smiles wide, coming around the counter to meet his side, grabbing the items necessary. “What? A girl can’t be proud of her education?” Moving to the side, he watches as Grace practically makes herself at home, taking hold of the items necessary. “I bet by the end of this, you’ll be begging for more,” she sings again, preparing the necessary items. He sits himself up on the counter, deciding to watch the pro in action. “I dunno, I’m kind of really into microwaveable food— which is similar to my own cooking.” She can’t help but snort at the reply, washing her hands as she takes out a few slices of bread. “Oh god.”

Time passes by, and now Silas is met with a gorgeous looking sandwich while Grace sits across from him with the smuggest smile he’s ever seen. Sitting on the couch, he holds it up to view, taking a proud bite. She doesn’t even ask him how it is, because she knows it’s magnificent, letting Silas’ expression speak for itself. He’s practically mind boggled, unsure how anything so simple can taste so great. “—What the hell,” he speaks with his mouth full, hovering his hand over it. “What did you–” Grace holds up her hand, wagging her finger in a ‘no’ fashion. “Just eat. Don’t ask.”

After a few minutes of demolishing the sandwich, it takes a lot for Silas not to beg for another, which he promises himself he would do when he sees her again. Wiping his mouth, he tosses the napkin into a nearby bin, sinking into the couch with a satisfied sigh and grin. “I can’t believe I was getting all worked up about keeping Corinne and Cole from you— I mean, you probably already know, right?” he asks easily, before chugging down the remnants of his water bottle.

#p: with a little help from a friend?#if anyone judges me for rping with myself...#LOL #im SORRY #but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do ok #this is under read more bc it's long af #it's also silas' POV ( mostly )#grace's side to come asap #also is it weird to ship your own characters for a lil bit #anyWAYYYYY

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peutro · 6 years ago

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💒 might as well throw danric in here ( since kaythan would never (: )

send me 💒 + a ship for five seven wedding headcanons!

events are mostly written from a modern verse pov , although it all can be applicable to danric’s main verse .

eric was planning to propose , especially since the big romantic gestures are usually his forte , but daniel beats him to it , surprise !!! he manages to get the help of all their close friends , thx to eli esp , and proposes one night under the moon in an attempt to be romantic , ( w magic , he enchants these lights to float around them , like fireflies in the sky??? ) probably stutters getting started at first but makes it through and the kiss eric gives him then is one for the memory books :~)

they probably have some big fight at some point which isn’t... all that common for them... which makes it a big deal sorta but they get through it because they both do want this and each other.

the night before , daniel finds himself both excited and nervous , he has jitters and can’t sleep , and eric calls him ( daniel is sure eric has some sorta sixth seventh sense since he always knows when daniel is feeling off ) eric is super cheesy and daniel is pretty gross himself but he can’t stop smiling and he falls asleep listening to him talk ( wakes up feeling strangely calm and content )

the wedding is more on the intimate side , small(ish) gathering of close friends and family and daniel’s sure his mother won’t show up , she barely put in an effort to get to know eric beforehand . however , she slips in at some point and and tries to sit in the back until daniel’s father sees her right before the start of the ceremony and pulls her to the front . afterwards , when daniel finally gets the courage to go talk to her ( thx to eric ) , despite the slight awkwardness , eric and her hit it off immediately and nothing relieves daniel more , like literally a little sigh of relief .

eli’s best man speech is embarrassing as shit and 100% daniel and him were laughing at first but end up tearing up / crying a lil by the end , meanwhile eric pats daniel’s back the whole time quite amused.

daniel gets a little too drunk at the after party and won’t stop clinging to eric and telling him how happy he is , cannot stop SMILING , also he’s quite handsy which makes eric a lil flustered at first bc daniel is never like this in public , especially when his parents are sitting Right There

eli’s mom is quite protective over daniel so maybe eric gets a lil tense around her but she’s already accepted him as her new son ( the i’ll-kill-you-if-you-hurt-him speech she gave him before stays at the forefront of his mind when they interact ) and tells eric he should get used to the fact he didn’t just marry daniel , eli and him r a package deal HA. HA.

bonus: kay and ethan go to a stag party in las vegas and get extremely drunk and start talking about their feelings , probably about how they’re going to be alone and/or unhappy forever , which results in them waking up married . surprise newlyweds ! :p . ( bonus x 2 : ethan was previously engaged and now has to break it to her he already got married x . and omg they both have to tell silas. )

#nihll #i kinda rushed this so if smth sounds off... u kno why #i make things 2 mushy when it comes to weddings ..... where's the angst? good q #alt: one of them runs away a few days/day before and eli has 2 break it to the other person #either said runaway come back after some reasoning w friends/the other himself #or they cancel the wedding and it's a wip for later #but eventually they rekindle and do actually end up getting married w the runaway being the one most involved in the whole process #idk!!!!!!!!! give me alt povs #muse: daniel seo #relationship: daniel x eric

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nonbinarysasquatch · 7 years ago

Text

Josh Has No Idea Where I Am!

“The kind of love a child needs is the kind of love they can count on.”

My parents divorced when I was really young. Somewhere around when I was two. As such, I have no memory of them being together. In fact in general, I have few memories from being younger than like 5.

Growing up, neither of my parents were abusive. My dad is an asshole but he wasn’t usually an asshole to me. And my mom was basically my best friend until I was a teenager. We did have some problems when I was a teenager but that’s a story for another day.

My mom and I lived with my grandfather until I was 15. He was very psychologically and verbally abusive to both me and my mother. It’s hard to explain how growing up with that treatment just stays with you for your entire life.

I’m not even going to begin to contemplate like... whether Dream Ghost Akopian is real. I’m going to take this episode at face value and assume everything Rebecca sees is legit. Does that necessitate magic? Little bit.

Dream Ghost Akopian starts Rebecca’s introspective journey by exploring parental love.

I really hurt for Rebecca in this episode. Little Becks is such a good kid. She’s dramatic and hyper and very smart. She’s the sort of child who needs a lot of love and patience. Instead, her mother mostly communicated to her via psychological abuse and her father... Well... ugh.

Fuck Silas Bunch. So much.

Rebecca is so desperate for parental love and approval that she concocts an entire scheme and flies across the country to surprise him. It doesn’t even occur to her that he wouldn’t be happy to see her because she assumes it’s her mother that’s keeping them apart.

But no. Silas simply has no interest in what he describes to Naomi as “a cute kid.” He doesn’t want anyone holding him back right now. I really don’t have enough middle fingers for Silas Bunch.

Naomi, unfortunately, turns out to be the good parent. She even hid the lie for the sake of not hurting Rebecca. She’s still abusive but she does love Rebecca and that’s more than we can say for Silas.

Next DG Akopian takes Rebecca back to Harvard where she’s signed up for a play. She’s doing musical theater for the first time since summer camp 2005 and we get one of the most important details that I can’t believe more fans don’t talk about when speculating on how this show will end:

“I forgot how happy it made me.” Not Josh Chan. Musical theater. I have this theory that when she saw Josh in New York and hears “I’m in Love With a Wonderful Guy” from South Pacific, she’s misreading her own emotions. Sure, we know she’s still carried a flame for Josh but being with Josh isn’t the last time she was truly happy.

When else in the series do we hear Rebecca describe herself as being or having been happy? Hell, this series opens with Rebecca gushing about how performing on stage made her feel, even though her part was a small one.

(By the way, I 100% want to see this Moby Dick musical performed. “Ahab can’t you seee, the whale is a metaphooor!)

I almost never see fans talking about this and I really don’t understand why. It’s such a key aspect of Rebecca’s characterization.

We also get the specific canonization of the fact that Rebecca imagines her life as a series of musical numbers in this episode. It’s not just a narrative conceit. We can generally assume all musical numbers from Rebecca’s POV are something she’s imagining.

We also find out that Rebecca... really can’t sing. In fact, she’s probably worse at singing than the average person. But DG Akopian points out that Rebecca still loved that play. If she was aware of her own lack of talent, she didn’t care. It made her happy.

But alas: the guys. Rebecca in the present and teenage Rebecca are both caught up in the guys. Even when Akopian lays it all out for her as clear as day, Rebecca still doesn’t really engage with this. But within her subconscious, Rebecca knows all of this. The seed exists.

The journey ends as Akopian brings Rebecca to the present, where Greg, Darryl, Josh and Paula are at Rebecca’s house worrying about her. Rebecca realises something very important: she is loved. She’s been so busy chasing after one kind of love, an unhealthy, unrealistic type of romantic love, that she missed the fact that SHE IS LOVED.

Even Greg, who can’t bear to admit that he cares about or even LIKES her, does love her.

Rebecca’s journey across this series is about finding happiness. The trick with happiness, is that it isn’t any one particular thing. Happiness is a mirage. When most people talk about being happy what they really mean is contentment. Peace.

That feeling like glitter is exploding inside of you is just dopamine and other hormones. It’s a quick high that can be addicting. It drives a lot of human behaviour. It makes people take risks and do dangerous things (like go bungee jumping, as a benign example.)

Rebecca can’t find that feeling and sustain it. No one can. That’s just how humans work. We need more and more bigger highs, the older we get. Obtaining those highs is fine but you can’t build a life of contentment and peace around that.

At this point, Rebecca is nowhere near contentment. But she does have love. Not the kind that will make her feel perpetually like glitter is exploding inside of her, but the kind that she can use to build a foundation for a life.

The episode ends as Rebecca arrives back at home. Now it may seem like this doesn’t make sense, but I think it’s fair to assume that we’ve been dealt a bit of sleight of hand and that the plane Rebecca got on at the end of last episode was the one back to California and the events of the dream are occurring at the same time as Rebecca’s friends worrying about her.

Rebecca appreciates her friends now in a way she didn’t before. For once, she’s undergoing a change, a change that possibly began with the water trial.

A final note:

“Rebecca... are you in love with me?” Oh, Josh.

The songs:

Dream Ghost: Only one song this episode and, man, is it ever an ear worm. One of the catchiest songs of the entire series. Michael Hyatt is amazing. This song again does the thing where it seems to be about one thing but gets a bit tangential, getting into the gender wage gap and poor healthcare coverage.

Episode Rating: 10.0 out of 10.0.

Truly one of the show’s best episodes (written by Rachel and Aline.)

#crazy ex girlfriend #Josh Has No Idea Where I Am!#child abuse tw #just in case #fun fact: this review is over a thousand words long #by the time I get to the end of season 3 #I will have written a short novels worth of reviews

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toolatetofall · 4 years ago

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Before

Okay, I am so fucking excited. I’ve finished the first draft of part 1 of 6 of my mass effect fanfic. Going long-term, it’s going to be a ShepShep fic, but I think I’m going to characterize their relationship more as queerplatonic than sexual. It’s a 2 Shep AU (obviously) where male Shep is the “main Shepard”, but it’s told from femshep’s POV.

Anyway! It’s in second POV for femshep, and the events in the prologue are prior to joining the Normandy. She has the Earthborn/Sole Survivor background. This is a rough draft, so I haven’t posted it on AO3. To that end, I’d really appreciate hearing thoughts on characterization, writing, any minor mistakes, etc. Please feel free to message me!

I’ve never done a TW before, so if I miss something, please tell me and I will add it! I think the things that need a TW have to do with the backgrounds, so death, physical violence, gang activity. Again, if I miss something, PLEASE tell me.

Before

The memory of your mother is a hazy one. You know you loved her- her face is harder to conjure. You have the vague memory of citrus perfume, too-blonde hair, shoulders shaking with laughter. You have a holo from her case file, and you suppose you look enough alike, mostly around the nose, but you just... you can’t place her in your childhood.

It was a Tuesday evening when you found out she was missing. You’d been staying with your neighbor while your mother was at work, parked in front of the TV munching crackers as the characters on screen sang a song about friendship.You can remember every stupid word.

Amanda, your neighbor, had been getting testy; your mom was late. It was almost three hours past when she got off work when Amanda got a call and chaos broke.

The rest of the evening comes only in flashes now. The itchy, pink and yellow jumper you’d been wearing with snot-drenched sleeves. The worn, leather seats in the back of your caseworker’s car. An unfamiliar bed in an unfamiliar place.

It’s a blur; you didn’t understand completely what was happening. You were six. You knew that mom was gone, but you didn’t understand where or why. You asked when she was coming back.

They didn’t have an answer.

----

Your mother was never found. Maybe she died, either back then or since, maybe she’s still alive somewhere, a survivor of the Reaper war. You have no idea, and frankly you aren’t sure that it matters. At least now. It mattered then.

Because your mother wasn’t declared legally dead, at least until you were fourteen, you couldn’t be adopted. You didn’t have any family to take you in either- not your mom’s family, she’d never talked about them, and certainly not your father whose name wasn’t even on your birth certificate. Instead, you floated from home to home every few weeks, months, years, hauling all your worldly possessions in trash bags along with you. Some placements were better than others. There was one where you’d only lasted two and a half weeks, but there was another that was almost 18 months.

The Shepards. You’d liked them; Nick and Silas. They were an eldery couple that you’d moved in with after your 9th birthday. They moved off-planet when you were ten. They’d petitioned to adopt you and take you with them, but your mom was still legally alive, and you were moved.

You found it hard to settle after that; nothing was comfortable. It couldn’t be. The moment you got comfortable was the moment you’d be moved again.

The Reds were different. You don’t remember how you fell in with them, not specifically, but you do remember having that aching need to belong somewhere, and that they fulfilled that need.

You were useful to them. You could crawl into places that the others were too big to get into. You could get into a building and squirrel away cargo, or let others in. You weren’t a bad pickpocket either. You were a child; if (when) you got caught, you could play innocent, not like the others. You could claim ignorance, youth. The Reds protected you. You were indispensable.

Until you weren’t.

----

Your biotics announced themselves with an explosion of blue light. You’d been in the middle of a job with Miller, trying to sneak some cargo out of a warehouse outside of Vancouver. He’d said something (you can’t remember what now, but it had pissed you off), and suddenly there was a flash of blue, he’d been thrown into the shelves a few meters away, and the bones in your arm had wrenched themselves apart. You’re sure you screamed, that both of you did, but you don’t remember. The pain had been so blinding that you’d passed out in seconds.

When you woke up in the hospital, you weren’t alone. Your caseworker, Cecil, was there, accompanied by a dour faced person in navy blue. Sargent Blake, Cecil had told you. Sargent Blake was there to invite you to the Alliance.

The System’s Alliance needed biotics; they’ve always needed biotics, and the state wasn’t really equipped to handle them. The Alliance had a program for biotic children. They’d taken care of the criminal charges you’d faced, and they would provide food, lodging, and education. You were a ward of the state, and the state transferred your custody while you’d slept. Invite. Feh. Like hell. The decision had already been made.

Still, you were luckier than Miller. You found out later that he was comatose for almost eight months, and arrested after he awoke. To say the Reds would no longer welcome you would be an understatement. They would’ve loved to get their hands on you.

Didn’t matter. The Alliance had you.

----

“Jane Shepard? The doctor will see you now.” You’d hesitated before following the nurse out of the waiting room. Shepard. It felt so odd. You hoped the change would keep the Reds from finding you, and you knew Nick and Silas wouldn’t mind.

Still, there were a lot of changes in a short amount of time. New ability, new name, and now new place and new species. Well, new to you anyway. As your salarian nurse took you to your exam room, you’d tried hard not to stare as they ran you through a standard medical battery. The alliance had brought you and all of their other new trainees to the citadel to get your physicals and your implants. It was surreal. You’d never seen an alien before, at least in person. Everything was so new, you’d never felt so... off balance before. But this was your new normal, and you had to adjust eventually.

----

You officially enlisted in the Alliance on your eighteenth birthday, to the surprise of no one. You’d already been engaged in their biotic training program for almost two years, and you were close to completing your secondary education under the program.

Every single teenager in that program ended up enlisted. Sometimes you guys liked to think of what you guys could do outside the Alliance; teachers, writers, cops, scientists, everything, but for the life of you, you’d never been able to imagine anything else. The Alliance felt inevitable; biotics weren’t exactly welcome in civilian life, and you didn’t have the money or support system to try to strike out on your own.

Basic was split, biotics separate from the others. It was weird. In this place of training and strength, there was an underlying understanding. The biotics were more dangerous. They had had training before. They didn’t need a weapon; they were weapons. But at that point you weren’t sure how to be anything else.

----

Nomination for ICT wasn’t a surprise. You’d worked your ass off for the Alliance and anyway, if there was a push for biotics to join the military, there was a shove to get them into special forces. You’d been a good little biotic; kept your head down, temper in check, taking and conquering even the most basic assignments without problem or complaint.

Despite the competitive atmosphere of Vila Militar, you’d ended up making friends for the first time in years. Or maybe they made you. Shaw, a too-energetic, puppyish engineer, was never going to let you shrug off his friendship, he was too damn persistent. John Shepard had also been pulled into his orbit, and the two of you had bonded over your exasperation with Shaw, mutual love of shit beer and competition, and frustration at sharing a name.

The three of you were an odd group, but it worked. Shaw was excitable and personable, keeping you together with sheer will. John (not Shepard, you’re Shepard) was responsible, a group mom through and through, trying in vain to keep you out of trouble. And you? Well, you’ve always been a bit... brusque, but they balanced it well.

They were family, or the closest you’d had in a long time. The rest didn’t matter.

----

John-fucking-Shepard, the big-fucking-hero. Of course he was on Elysium during the Skyllian Blitz, and of course he kicked ass to the point he was getting the Star of Terra, not to mention his damn N7 commendation.

“Just in the right place at the right time,” he’d said sheepishly when you and Shaw had caught up with him after the ceremony. You’d never rolled your eyes so hard. John always had a lucky streak a mile wide and it wouldn’t end anytime soon.

“That’s okay,” Shaw had replied with a grin as you pulled John into a headlock and messed his hair. “We’ll get you next time.”

He’d laughed because of course he did. “I look forward to it.”

----

When you had landed on Akuze with your unit, you’d expected pirates. Slavers. A straightforward explanation to the missing colonists. Instead, the only thing to greet you were empty, undisturbed buildings. It was like everyone just got up and left.

Your platoon, all 49 of them plus you and Shaw, searched the colony on your commander’s orders, but there was nothing. The terminals were all wiped clean, the data pads were gone, there weren't any tracks. Hell, there wasn’t even dust.

You all made camp nearby as the sun sunk below the horizon. None of you would say so but there was something eerie about the lost colony. Haunted. Like the planet was holding its breath.

The first maw came near midnight, announcing itself with a roar and with trembling ground that shook you out of sleep. They caught you by surprise. You may have had guards and scouts, but there was no warning.

You don’t remember much of the attack, dammit, you don’t remember. There are flashes of chaos- gunfire, screams, thresher maws pulling whole ground transports full of soldiers beneath the Earth. You remember running so hard your breath was just quick gasps, the cobalt corona of your biotics expanding around you, flashes of Shaw’s face contorted with resolution, the red of viscera everywhere you look.

You’re not even sure if those are real memories, or just echoes from your nightmares. Maybe it’s your brain filling in the gaps from what you’ve been told.

You were found 11 clicks away from camp, splattered with blood and armor corroded from acid, and passed out from pain (or so you were told. You don’t remember). Both of your arms had broken during the ordeal, likely from over-extending your biotics. You were alone. No platoon, no Shaw, not even a single body. The team that found you said that the colony was in a maw nest, that six thresher maws had attacked the camp. They destroyed the colony, the camp, and your platoon. In return, the unit only managed to kill two of them, but the bastards had the element of surprise.

You didn’t put it together until you were in a hospital, but something was wrong. More wrong than losing your whole platoon, losing Shaw, to fucking worms. They’d said the colony must have been destroyed by the maws, that they must have killed the colonists, but that’s not right. Those buildings were spotless. There were no bodies. There was no anything. The maws didn’t kill the colonists. They’re not that clean.

You tried to tell the brass. They’d given you your N7 commendation for surviving that hell; you thought that meant they’d trust you. They didn’t.

“You’ve been through a lot,” they’d told you at the memorial. “Maybe you need to take some time.” Maybe they were right, but you still knew what you saw. If you wanted answers, you’d have to find them on your own time.

----

You hit a lot of dead ends fast, and used up most of your leave following up leads that took you nowhere. It’d barely been a year before you only had one path left. The Shadow Broker.

It took every last credit you had, but they agreed to send an agent to meet you.

John agreed to go with you to the meet up point on the Citadel, in some hole in the wall cafe. It felt like time was slowing down as the agent approached. You were finally going to get answers. Then time stopped with a loud CRACK, and the contact fell dead, a hole left in the middle of their head.

You were paranoid; you’d always been paranoid. That day, it’d saved your ass. You’d been trying to get the fuck out of there when another bullet ripped through your barrier, bruising your back but, mercifully, nothing more.

You’d been far from the door. There had been two shooters, above, out of sight.

You and John didn’t say so after you’d escaped, but it had been a warning shot. Any snipers worth their salt could have killed you.

Stupid, you were so stupid.

You’d returned to your apartment, head pounding. Before you said a word, John had pulled you against his chest, squeezing hard. You remember looking him in the eyes, seeing the naked fear there.

“Stop looking.”

You’d promised you would.

You didn’t.

----

Well, at least not intentionally. When you contacted the Shadow Broker again (or their intermediary anyway), you were informed the price for the information had doubled. You were already broke, you couldn’t afford the information. You tried to double back and get your hands on the report from that day in the cafe, but there was nothing solid to follow, no leads.

What you got instead was a new assignment.

Operation Adrestia. The words tasted odd in your mouth. It’s internal affairs, sort of. Monitoring and chasing leads on operations led by humans that would wreck Alliance credibility with the Citadel. Monitoring and thwarting fringe scientists, extremists groups, keeping tabs on category sixes...

You didn’t do the investigation, just acted on information the brains gave you. If you were honest, you actually liked it. At least it was more interesting than your service had been. Lead to some good stories at least.

Disrupting a Terra Firma attack on a predominantly salarian transport.

Stopping colonial governments in the Traverse from antagonizing batarians to trigger Alliance/Hegemony conflicts.

Even the less ostentatious operations like quietly discharging an Alliance attache who’d looked a little farther than legal into AI.

It kept you busy, but it was work you loved.

----

It was 2183 when you were contacted by Admiral Kahoku. He had found out his squad was lured to their deaths with a false distress signal in the middle of a maw nest and correctly assumed you’d be interested in following the thread. Akuze was common knowledge, and Kahoku was the first member of the brass to even humor your idea that it was anything other than a tragic accident.

He’d gotten in touch with the Shadow Broker. They’d given him a name and a location.

Cerberus.

Binthu in the Voyager Cluster.

Finally, a chance for answers.

He was planning to go and wanted back up. Probably smart, considering how Cerberus disrupted your previous contact with the Broker.

It was quick and quiet, like everything you did for the Alliance. Scans of the planet reveal three active Cerberus strongholds.

The two of you decide that time was of the essence, that you needed to be quick to get information before they noticed you.

You decided to split up.

That was a mistake.

#mass effect #fanfiction #commander #shepard #femshep #shepshep #wip #2nd POV #kahoku #akuze #earthborn #sole survivor #pre mass effect #pre ME

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