#it's also entirely possible for my point to be completely wrong on account of me being aro thus seeing relationships differently

[spacelazarwolf]

apparently a bunch of ppl on social media are trying to call for a boycott of rick riordan because of this statement in a blog post:

Becky and I are just back from a busy weekend with events at the Boston Book Festival and New York Comic-Con.

Before I get into that, however, some words to acknowledge the ongoing horrors in Israel and Gaza. As many of you may know, I am no longer on social media. My accounts post only updates on my books and related projects. I do not read posts, reply to posts, or share my thoughts about world events on those forums. That doesn’t mean I don’t have strong feelings and reactions. It means I am offline as completely as possible, except for the occasional blog post like this one.

I will say this: Over the last eighteen years, I have received many fan letters from young readers, both Israeli and Palestinian, who often told me that my books helped them escape the fear, grief and anxiety they were dealing with at the time. Some had lost family members to violence. Some were writing while in the distance they could hear explosions, gunfire, and the launching of rockets. They used my books as a way to escape into another world, where the monsters were fictional, and where demigods usually saved the day. While I am always glad that my books can help young readers find joy during difficult times, my heart breaks every time I hear about the things they have to deal with. I am grief-stricken by the horrific events now unfolding, especially because I know that they are part of a long historic pattern that has been robbing too many children of their childhood and perpetuating hatred for far too long.

I am also quite aware that when anyone, myself included, tries to speak about this issue, the reader is waiting to pounce, thinking, “Yes, but whose side are you on?” That is exactly the wrong question. If there are two sides to this issue, those sides are not Palestinian/Israeli or Muslim/Jewish. The two sides are humanitarian and dehumanizing. Dehumanizing has a long evil history. It is appealing and easy to buy into, because humans are tribal animals. We are hardwired to think in terms of ‘us’ versus ‘them.’ We are the real humans, the good guys, the ones with God on our side. Those other people are evil monsters who don’t deserve empathy. Hate mongers have thrived on dehumanizing for as long as there have been humans. It provides them with a purpose, a way to rally support, power, and scapegoats. It is easy to point to atrocities committed by our enemies, while justifying or minimizing the atrocities committed by ourselves or our allies.

Humanitarianism is a much harder sell. It requires us to empathize, to see other groups of people as equally deserving of dignity and quality of life. It requires not always putting ourselves and our needs first. But in the long run, humanitarianism is our only hope. If violence could end violence, if we could put an end to “those other people” once and for all, human history would read very differently than it does.

So yes, I am appalled by the Hamas attacks on Israeli civilians. I am appalled by the suffering of Palestinian civilians in Gaza. Both things can be true. Both things must be true. My thoughts are with all the people who have died, who have lost loved ones, who have had their worlds and their lives shattered, especially the children. More death and violence will not break this cycle, which has been going on for generations. There is no military solution. Even since I first wrote the post, only twenty-four hours ago, the Israeli government’s brutal retaliation against the entire population of Gaza has reached genocidal proportions. This is not only an atrocity. It is folly. Answering misery with misery only creates more fertile ground for extremism, dehumanizing the “other side,” letting hate mongers thrive, stay in power, and reduce us all to our most monstrous impulses. The only real solution is treating each other like equally worthy human beings, and negotiating a peace that allows all parties a chance to live in security and dignity, with hopes for a future that does not include bombs and rockets and gunfire. This means security and support for Israel, yes. It also means a secure Palestine which is allowed to get the international aid and recognition it needs to build a viable state.

Do I think that will happen? Unfortunately, no. Humans are simply too selfish, too ready to blame “the other” for all their problems, too ready to dehumanize, though I also believe, perhaps paradoxically, that most people just want to live their lives in peace and have a chance for their children to have a brighter future. The problem is when we don’t allow other people to have those same hopes and dreams — when it becomes a false choice of us versus them.

What can I do? I will continue to write books that I hope will give young readers some joy. I will resist the urge to demonize entire groups of people. I will call for less violence, not more violence. And when asked whose side I am on, I will tell you I am on the side of humanitarianism.

So with that said, I return to the world of books . . .

honestly, if you have a problem with this statement, it’s probably because he’s talking about you. this is exactly what legitimate activists (as in not just random westerners who share social media posts but on-the-ground activists who are doing real work) have been saying for decades. and i think all this really speaks to just how disconnected a lot of westerners who claim to be pro palestinian are from those activists.

if you can’t read a statement that says “i am on the side of humanitarianism and less violence” without immediately jumping to cancel them, you are the problem being discussed in the above statement.

[prettyboykatsuki-moved]

ari what is every li’s fav position <3

i feel underqualified to answer this post but i will do my best since u ask lovely anon

sylus: im not a sylus girlie so don't hold me accountable if this feels wrong but i think he enjoys doing it like. against a wall while facing you. i don't think he likes fucking in a position where your face is even mildly obscured so he needs to be looking at you. he can't cum if he doesn't see you blissed out in pleasure first i dont think. just missionary doesn't feel right to me either. though spooning i can see... like front facing on your side. anyway

so i think doing it against a wall / standing is his favorite. when he does eventually get to fucking you he's strong enough to hold you up. he's ripped and some of your weight is against the wall so he holds you up like that and fucks you from underneath. he can hold you up like that for a long time too - usually until you beg him to fuck you more shallowly because you feel him so deep its starting to make your head spin. he's sweet and merciful and lets you down with a kiss. i think he probably opts to always finish in bed. i think sylus is down for everything but it absolutely has to end in extremely loving sex or he'll get kind of in his head. thats the vibe to me

caleb: prone bone no contest i dont care!!! its prone bone specifically too because he enjoys the closeness and how suffocating it is. caleb habitually fucks you in a way that leaves you both entirely exhausted and so absolutely unwilling to put in any effort. he likes prone bone because it's easy on you and it feels really comfortable for him to press his weight on you. he doesn't mind not seeing your face to the same extent but he does absolutely mind not being as close to you as humanly possible

so big prone bone fan. loves being able to have your bodies pressed together, slick with sweat - an arm wrapped around your neck so you can comfortably drool into his bicep as he focuses his all of his energy to fuck you while you lay there pinned under his weight. likes the feeling of crushing you and keeping you, the way your legs kick up and you let out a shaky cry because he's hitting you so deep. he would never tell you not to run from it bc he isn't into taunting you, but he does adore making you take it yk. likes making you feel good. usually puts a pillow between your thighs so you can rub your clit against something too. so thoughtful.

zayne: you already know its missionary. call it boring or call it cliche but it's doing to do it for him every single time. the eye contact most of all, the feeling of your legs around his waist. all of these things get to him indescribably and he simply loves nothing the same. he's also really into the proximity he has with your neck, shoulders and clavicle. that whole area of your body does something really weird to his brain.

however.... big believer in covert freak zayne so missionary with a lot of closeness is where he starts but the closer he gets to cumming the more he loses himself in it. it makes his strokes much more pointed when he gets like that. pulls your legs up until he's really locked into you and gives you the most aggravatingly deep, slow, measured strokes you've ever received in your life. you can feel the way he's deliberately stroking against your gspot (his dick is . perfectly angled for this) - and you're pressed so close your clit is rubbing on his pelvis and the friction drives you completely insane. it feels like he's bullying your pussy with how exact he's being. he's also insanely verbal. he really loves to talk you through it (silent poem card... u will aways be famous)

xavier: the bridge position. i don't know how to describe this pose so if you dont know . a link for u lol but his favorite position is basically him fucking you while you're doing bridges and he's standing on his knees between your legs. most of your weight is resting on your shoulders while your feet are flat. xavier holds you up to make it easier on you

xavier is a freak. like. well and truly. so i really dont think he's as picky about positions. that being said i do think this is his absolute favorite though it requires the most active participation. it reaches so, so deep from that angle and it hits a spot you could never hit any other way. it's a little hard to keep yourself upright but xavier is holding you right in place. the way he fucks you like this is merciless. his specific reason for liking it is because of the access it gives him to your clit. he likes seeing it slick and swollen, likes rubbing his thumb against it until you're crying and your thighs are shaking. trying not to thrash or drop back down because he'll just pick you back up like it's nothing and keep going.

rafayel: in a chair with you sitting in his lap, facing away from him. don't know if there's a name for this one. i thought about his i think the longest which is why it's at the bottom but i think this ends up winning for a lot of reasons. the main one being he really likes having his chin resting on your shoulder and getting that specific view from downwards at your body. rafayel is very into getting to admire your body.

rafayel likes being close to you but he's also into novelty. sitting in a chair with you in your lap gives him two things that he enjoys the most when having sex with you. the feeling of your back to his chest, his chin on your shoulder - skin to skin with a nice view of yur body. but even more than that, he likes the access his hands have to every part of you. grinding yourself on his cock to your hearts content and being able to really feel you up. squeezing your chest, planing his hands down your sides, toying with your clit. feeling the way your pussy tightens up when he gets it right. he's an artist and prone to being tactile. he wants to experience as much of you as he possibly can and i think fucking you like that is the best way. loves telling you how good all of you feels. he's also kind of clingy so simply being able to wrap his arms around your waist and press his cheek to your shoulder... yeah. loves when you finally cum on his cock and you throw yourself against him trying to anchor yourself bc he can't pull out easily like that. yeah

uhm this was long. i tried to pick some more interesting positions. idk

[feygaleh]

I saw the post from that account that featured you in an ask from like two days ago and so this is a pretty belated response, but I just wanted to say that it made me so angry like I haven’t been in weeks. I cannot stand Zionist Jumblr, every day they seem to stoop to new lows I did not think were possible.

That post made me so mad because it’s like the epitome of everything wrong with Zionism online today, I simply cannot stand it what with their “I LovE JeWs BeING ThE BaD GUys NOw” like they cannot fathom any member of their tribe being capable of great evils, all while they endlessly call out everyone else for doing wrong. And their weird nonsensical whataboutisms that try and pick out even the most menial or nonexistent “flaws” from the people who challenge them “Faygeleh is for gay males only” and “I see you are learning Hebrew AND YET you still dare to criticize the state, hmm curious” so infuriating honestly.

But the worst thing of all is their endless conspiracies and their dogged assumptions that hold no basis in fact, them literally “Theorizing” about your synagogue being a JVP meeting place like KNOW YOU is simply one of the worst examples of this that I have ever seen up to this point, at least that other account they referenced did the only slightly less infuriating cookie cutter “Fake Jew doesn’t support the fatherland, fake Jews is not a patriot, fake Jew is pretending to be Jewish” spiel, at least I’ve seen that one so many times that I’m growing numb to the constant accusations.

These conspiratorial ramblings are all so completely anti-intellectual that it makes me sick to my stomach, and the worst part is that this is almost everything that I see on Jumblr, there’s almost no diversity in opinion, not a single attempt at any kind of nuance (While still constantly claiming nuance when it suits their agendas), it’s all entirely irrational at its core and it’s all anyone ever makes posts about.

I always celebrate to myself when I find an account that is about something else, either one like yours, or one dedicated entirely to just cool Jewish stuff like art, culture, and history, but those seem to be so few and far between these days, it’s all just about antisemitism or Zionism or the state, you’d think these people didn’t care about anything else, like do these people even enjoy being Jewish? At all? Because from the legacies they’re leaving via their internet footprints it would seem that to them being a Jew is more of a curse than anything and it makes me so, so sad.

Apologies for the long rant, but this one really was one of the worst I’ve seen in a while. I’m not even going anon this time, I’m so tired of cowering in the shadow of Zionism and all its religious extremism.

i know exactly the post and i had my own similar reaction because it’s all such cowardly baseless takes they’re making. i have nothing to add here, you’ve perfectly summarized all of my feelings on and about zionist jumblr.

thank you for this message, it is so so uplifting to know and hear there are other people out there reading the shit these people are saying and also thinking they’re being deranged. it’s such a harmful echo chamber they’re in that sometimes i start to wonder if i really AM alone in this because they say it so much. but as long as i’m here and alive and joyfully jewish, there will be a contesting voice.

[chronicdelusionistsart]

No, he is not a Completely Different Character from when he was in high school - The Continuity of Bernard Dowd

SO I often see the argument that Bernard my man has changed into a completely different guy since high school. Me too, bestie. And much like Bernard, if you had met me in high school, you probably would have wanted to throw me into a lake.

People grow and change from high school to young adulthood, of course, but the nature of this criticism tends to be the idea that there's no continuity - that Bernard was completely retconned and there's very little to nothing recognizable of his personality and characterhood at the time. The common argument I see is that there's no way to reconcile the differences, even taking into account that people naturally age out of being obnoxious teens.

This just isn't the case. I got into it a little at the tail end of my previous post about Bernard and the art of Recontextualization, but it's really astounding just how much effort seems to have been put into respecting the continuity of the character. I'm gonna go through the 1993 Robin run and go character trait by character trait and see how these scenes read as foundational information for the continuity of the Bernard we have today.

Yeah you heard me. It's basically a fucking listicle. come at me

(SPOILERS for Tim Drake: Robin, Urban Legends, and the 1993 Robin run under the cut!)

1) "They just randomly made him gay" - yeah but it was really funny and based did you ever think of that

I already posted this one last time but let's take a minute to really sit with this one because it's soooooooo

It's absolutely undeniable that the original author of the Robin run almost certainly intended Bernard to be a pointedly heterosexual teenage boy. No arguments there. I actually think based on my experience living in that era and being bi that if you'd suggested the idea of an explicitly deeply closeted best friend for Tim Drake in the early 2000s at DC they would have laughed in your face and then possibly fired you and/or called you a slur or something. There are probably standout queer comics from the time, but mainstream Batman? We're making this for boys that want to ogle Steph's tits, I say, grinding up a rock into dust in my bare hand as I look over this storyline again for panels

My point here is that a lot of comics at the time come off as overly exaggerated about how cool and manly and heteronormative their guy characters are, which is of course also the ultimate refuge of the closeted gay guy. If they'd been normal about it it wouldn't have been so easy to read closeting into it, but as it is...

Yeah this is believable from a teenager but becomes a zillion times funnier as just covering a panic attack over going over to meet the cute boy's paren- wait why does he have elf ears. Why does he look 40 five panels ago

the two genders etc etc.

ANYWAY this was obviously a purposeful choice when rehauling the character. We're going to see a pattern of using things from the 2000s that were baffling or weird in retrospect and expanding on them to bring some consistency and intrigue to his character. "Now Pika," I hear you saying, having divined my nickname from some other source, "you're showing panels out of context to create a false narrative. Five panels ago when Bernard was 40 he was notably accused of staring at Tim's stepmom ALL DINNER. That sounds just, just SLIGHTLY heterosexual and there's really no other explanation f

2) He was always smarter than he looked actually

ah.

ah.

I said before that a lot of Bernard is hidden behind layers.

While he appears to be a dumbass in the 2000s, he manages to notice something is Wrong with Tim. Like, consistently. A lot of what we see on panel is Bernard questioning Tim and probing into his personal life - he notices something is unusual about Tim on literally their first meeting, and no shit, Bernard is only in a grand total of five scenes with Tim in the entire run and he spends four of them asking inconvenient personal questions at Tim.

"Tim, is your dad secretly an asshole? Blink twice for yes" "How about we stop talking for a little while"

Obviously in the context of the 2000s this is just like forced drama. But there's a sort of elegance in how seamless it is to look back at this with the context that he's been someone who downplays his own intelligence the whole time. Like "actually, he tends to hit on or adjacent to the truth a LOT, doesn't he?" Even without the new stuff, it's a pertinent observation.

3) "I like Robin a normal amount" - guy who pirates modded Robin games

This feels free. Is this free? I feel like this is free. I don't need to explain this one. Celebrity crushes on Superheroes are literally always funny

See Mario dies every time and it's like not the same guy. There's actually 3 Marios and then every time you make a certain amount of money (points) they get enough to clone a new one. Wait Tim come back I hadn't gotten to the shadow Koopa government. Bowser isn't actually in charge it's Big Goomba -

4) Alienation and the sincere desire to seek meaning in this life

The cult thing might seem to come out of nowhere if you were focused on his goofy persona and the specifics of Bernard's hilarious theories, but it's interesting to me that we get told that Bernard doesn't feel like he fits in like literally right away. One of his very first panels:

yeah okay i sure buy that dude

Bernard is textually, before adding any of the new stuff into the mix, an outsider. He has weird conspiracy theories, he's initially dressed like a douche who's trying to impress everyone and actually impressing no one, and he's obviously putting on airs here.

A lot of people who are depressed are just... you'd never know. Sincerely, the person you know who laughs the loudest and surrounds themselves with the most people might be the most depressed, the most isolated.

In the future, we see that he's similarly got a lot of people that know him, but not a lot of people that know him.

Having him get caught up in a cult after this setup is a very logical progression. He was already the type of personality to turn to conspiracies to feel some degree of fulfillment as a teen. Why the fuck wouldn't he become a Gotham cult statistic. Cults love intelligent people who are susceptible to isolation and emotionally not in a good place.

There's actually a really clever set of panels in the Urban legends run where Tim and Bernard are fighting against the chaos cult and they're mirrored. And Tim is the one "speaking", but the way the comic is framed, you can tell that they were both kind of having the same struggle from different angles and it doesn't snap into place until they fight together.

God, I love the medium of comics. I didn't actually notice this until I was writing this up and staring at panels. This is so subtle, but when you stop to look, the visual language clicks. They're both searching for something. The same thing. But it's not explicit. You gotta be paying close attention.

I think part of the reason people accuse Bernard of being bland or too different from before or whatever is that so much of this requires you to read. No, come back, hold on -

Like, the fundamental writing sleight of hand on this guy is that they earnestly set up the premise that he's so convincing that he managed to fool Tim, and by extension the distracted reader. To this end, Fitzmarten, and I can't believe I'm saying this, successfully weaponized the shittiness of early 2000s writing.

The idea that they went with is that sometimes you think you know people, but you don't have the full story until you really look and actively put the pieces together. He's someone, that very real kind of person, that flies under the radar both in and out of the fiction. And when the whammy hits -

- you end up wondering if you ever knew them at all.

This is very real. I mentioned earlier that you might not know someone is depressed until you know them very, very well or they tell you. And it's true. Be on the lookout for people like Bernard in your own life - from personal experience, they could use someone on their side.

Bonus: No he was legit always that insane. I think this is some A to B shit

"well if my friend won't hire me as a super-manager maybe I'll just prepare for the next time I see a superhero by learning martial arts!" - extremely normal thing to do thank you bernard. that's all folks

[reagent-leon]

GUYS!!! Stop saying Coyle is singing his ABCs wrong!!

"T, P, D, A, T, F, C, I, A, F, B, I, U, S, P, I, S, D, O, D, S, S, S, U, S, A."

He's not singing his ABCs he's just using the same tune, they're all acronyms

TPD = ?*

ATF = Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives

CIA = Central Intelligence Agency, 

FBI = Federal Bureau of Investigation, 

USPIS = United States Postal Inspection Service,

DOD = United States Department of Defense,  

SSS = Selective Service System, 

USA = United States of America

Okay? So let's all stop saying he's uneducated or illiterate because he's definitely not. Pre-Sinyala Coyle kept "obsessively complete notes" according to Clyde Perry's account, and furthermore just look at his pretty handwriting on the evidence boxes, that's not an uneducated scrawl. Coyle is willfully ignorant, but he's not lacking in basic literacy skills.

"But Leon, why did he misspell Guilty as Giltee on the Scapegoat?"

Well, friend, I don't entirely know. But as he's spelt it correctly in other places, he probably did it on purpose, matching his dialect to emphasise his point. Maybe he just forgot about the U and by the time he'd started carving the L he knew he needed to commit to his fuck up.

*Sooo I have some theories as to what TPD could stand for.

Total Permanent Disability. In one of Coyles' dialogues, he mentions his Father losing his foot in the Battle of Hürtgen Forest. That injury would likely see him permanently disabled and unable to work as he had before (it's implied that Coyles' parents were cattle ranchers), therefore he would be entitled to welfare checks.

Tulsa Police Department. Tulsa and Blackwell are within 2 hours drive of each other and it's very possible that Coyle completed his training at the Tulsa Police Academy before going on to work for the Blackwell Police Department. Tulsa also has history of violent racism, which would appeal to Coyle.

Tactical PSYOPS Detachment/United States Psychological Operations. There was extensive use of psychological operations in World War II, and given everything that the Outlast Trials are about I think this is a worthy contender.

Tobacco Products Directive. This was the only other thing I could think of that would make sense in conjunction with Coyle, but it's a European Union directive, and therefore I think it's unlikely this is what Coyle is referring to, but I still thought it was worth mentioning.

If you have any better ideas please feel free to share them!

A big big thank you to my friends in the Coyle Crew: @misa-bun @soggy-bean and @mortisdeth for their help in researching, theorising and giving me moral support when I thought I was about to lose it

[theresattrpgforthat]

Character Friction: On “Asshole Characters”, or Shitty Little Guys.

A while ago I floated a few thoughts I had about “asshole” characters in the Indy TTRPGs community. I floated these questions because I had been listening to this interview between Klaus von Hohenloe of The Dungeon Newb's Guide and The Panic Table. In particular, Klaus mentions that some games don’t allow for player friction, and in games where this is the case (cough D&D cough), it culminates in a horrible experience for all involved.

To illustrate, I’m going to talk about some experience I’ve had with my own play groups.

Art from Last Fleet, by Vicentius Matthew.

It might be shocking to hear, but I’ve played D&D once or twice. I remember being in a campaign with two players who wanted very different things from that game. Player A wanted to bring their character on a deep emotional journey, while Player B wanted to act as strategically as possible in pursuit of their character’s benefit, often to the detriment of other members of the party. My own character wanted to track down leads to a mystery that mattered to her, but not really to anyone else. This often led to frustrating moments where characters might not communicate as much information to the party as they might have otherwise, and in other cases one character’s actions could pull the entire party’s journey off-course.

The three of us all played together in a completely different game, three years later - Last Fleet. Let me tell you, the character interactions were completely flipped on their heads. Player A got a dramatic emotional arc around an NPC who was integral to the main plot. Player B got to pursue their own agenda, often in ways that worked against the efforts of other PCs. As the GM, I was given tools that actually encouraged both of these moments: both pushing Player A to wrestle with their relationship and implicating Player B as a suspicious person very early on.

A basic move from Last Fleet.

There are a number of reasons this worked in Last Fleet and not in D&D. One, Last Fleet playbooks often encourage players to keep secrets, work against the benefit of the crew, and fuck up their relationships with each-other. Two, Last Fleet has something called the Pressure mechanic. This is both a resource and a time bomb: you can mark Pressure to improve your chances of success, but hit your cap and your character has to do something to relieve their stress - and that choice is usually rather detrimental to the ship.

Finally, Last Fleet’s a different kind of story. You’re not playing heroic adventurers fighting monsters and clearing out dungeons. You’re playing the last desperate strains of humanity, fleeing an alien threat that has the power to infiltrate your fleet and resemble the ones you love most. Last Fleet is all about how a high-stress situation can lead people to making poor decisions, and, should you desire, it can also be about how people are sometimes forced to rely on each-other in order to get through a harrowing situation.

When I compare these situations, I don’t think we had bad players at the table: we just had the wrong kind of game for the story that the players wanted. I suppose I haven’t necessarily played enough D&D to say that it can’t allow for compelling, flawed characters - what I like to call “shitty little guys” - but I certainly don’t think it’s a play culture that accounts for the diversity of player goals.

More to the point, I find myself really drawn to playing flawed characters - both with them and for them. I love my over-perfectionist superhero in MASKS who lashes out when her friends don’t meet her standards. I adore my Thirsty Sword Lesbian who doesn’t know how to flirt or how to process emotions. I’m having so much fun watching play-testers pick up their various monsters in Protect the Child and demonstrate each character’s struggles when it comes to relating to a kid. I think it’s fascinating that in Changeling: the Lost 1e, a Fairest is rewarded with a discount when they use their Contracts of Reflection to spy on people that they love.

Contract of Reflections, Equinox Road Sourcebook, Changeling the Lost 1e.

I’ve personally seen the most leeway for character friction in PbtA games, like Apocalypse World, Urban Shadows, and Apocalypse Keys. When I brought up the question in the Community post, I asked folks for other examples of playing Shitty Little Guys. Their interpretations were really interesting, and far broader than my initial scope.

@nebmia mentioned that by giving your characters “unpleasant” abilities, it will incentivize them to use those abilities in unpleasant ways.

@goblincow has a lot of thoughts about creating little guys who aren’t just horrible, but are also in horrible situations - which gives license for the players to endanger their characters in the pursuit of mischief.

@airkseablade brought up Tenra Bansho Zero, and how it uses something called an “Emotion Matrix” to randomly determine how a player character might reaction to meeting a new person, as well as “Fates”, which are goals that each player is rewarded for playing towards, but mostly based on group consensus.

@willknightauthor talked about Wraith: (The Oblivion?), and how each archetype available to players has a part of themselves that pulls them towards darker choices.

It turns out that we really like playing characters who are mean-spirited, greedy, and struggling to get what they want, and we have a lot of different ways to make that happen. It reminds me of a common piece of advice given to writers when they’re writing a novel - you want a character who’s flawed, because those flaws can be used.

In games like Trilogy or TSL, you might want those flaws because you want to see your character overcome them. In games like Mothership or Cairn, you might want those flaws because then it makes it easier to push your guys through a meat-grinder. In games like Hillfolk or Apocalypse World, you might want those flaws because you want to see just how much well-meaning or desperate characters can fuck each-other up, given the right circumstances.

So what’s the point of all this? What am I trying to get out of this?

When I hear stories about horrible players, the experience I’ve had at my tables makes me want to approach these “trouble” players with a bit of grace. Perhaps these “trouble” players simply want something that is a challenge to provide in a game like D&D, but in Mothership, Urban Shadows, Apocalypse World etc., they might find their choices welcomed and encouraged. And if you've found yourself being accused of being a "trouble" player because you like to a cause drama, perhaps these games might be more up your alley than you think!

Consider playing a game with horrible guys who suck today!

[written-in-sunshine]

Hello! I’m Key, and this is my commission sheet! All of the necessary information for commissioning me is here, and I’d appreciate it if you could take a look before shooting me a message! Here is my Ao3 For Reference! Please see the aforementioned link for Will/Won't Write List and Ships I Will/Won't Write List!

GUIDELINES

Please read my Will Not Write section thoroughly. Just because something is on the list doesn’t mean that I dislike or don’t support it, but there are things on that list that I just don’t have enough interest in writing. That said, things on my Will Write list do not inherently mean that I support or like it. 

Currently, the only fandoms listed that I will write for are Resident Evil Biohazard/Village/4 Remake, Sonic Live Action Movies, Sonic Creepypastas (.EXE, Rewrite, Sink), Hazbin Hotel, Helluva Boss, and Saw (All Movies). This is because they are current hyperfixations for me and I am more capable of writing for them without issue.

I will allow up to three edits of less than 300 words before those incur a fee. If I interpreted your prompt wrong entirely, please let me know. If the confusion was on my part, no fee for a total rewrite will be incurred.

Please message me before filling out the form for a commission. I’d like to discuss particulars about certain topics and things and I’d like to approve the commission beforehand.

If given artistic freedom for a prompt, I will write how I naturally write the characters. I am willing to take direction for how you want characters to be written. I would prefer not to go against canon to the point of completely erasing a character’s identity. This does not count for certain kink scenarios (Bimbofication and other mind-altering things).

This is a kink-friendly account. I will not harass others over their fictional tastes and I do not support harassing anyone for any reason. I will write things that will make you uncomfortable. I will write things that are dead dove: do not eat. I will write a whole host of things and if that upsets you, please find someone else to commission. I am also willing to write kinks that are not mine! Please keep this in mind!

I predominantly write romance, smut, fluff, and angst, but can try my hand at other genres. 

I do not mind aging characters up for smut, and I will write any manner of ship type from m/f, m/m/, f/f, to polyamory. Please keep in mind that a fee will incur for more than 4 characters in a ship per every 1k words. If your ship includes 6 people then I will require at least 1,500 words minimum to write them. Smut for that many will be over 2,000 words easily.

For prompts, I will accept up to five words, two sentences, or a small paragraph of what you would like for me to write. Please try to be as concise as possible.

I will not start your commission until the upfront $15 for the first 500 words is paid. Once that is paid, I will begin and you will only be charged for the rest once the fic is completely finished and edited. I tend to add 100+ words to things in the editing process, as a heads-up. Payment can be made via PayPal, Venmo, and CashApp.

PRICES

500 Word Base Price - $15

After the initial 500 words, a fee of $8 will be charged for every 100 words. If this is a rush order (needing to be completely finished in two weeks or less), there will be an additional $10 charge.

600 Words - $23 700 Words - $31 800 Words - $39 900 Words - $47 1,000 Words - $55 1,100 Words - $63 1,200 Words - $71 1,300 Words - $79 1,400 Words -$87 1,500 Words - $95 1,600+ Words - $103+, Open To Discussionhazbin ho

[angelwinkteruhashi]

Hello there~!

:｡･:*:･ﾟ’★,｡･:*:･ﾟ’☆｡･:*:･ﾟ’★,｡･:*:･ﾟ’☆:

I'm Kokomi, It's a pleasure to meet all of you! I had heard this app was great for photography, so I decided to make an account! I hope I can get along with you all („• ᴗ •„)!

I'd love to get to know you all, so if you ever want to talk to me, please feel free to send in an ask! I'd love to hear your thoughts and questions (≧◡≦)!

:｡･:*:･ﾟ’★,｡･:*:･ﾟ’☆｡･:*:･ﾟ’★,｡･:*:･ﾟ’☆:

I don't have much to share, but here's a photo of the wonderful dessert I had today at Café Mami!

The Strawberries and Blueberries paired nicely with the Syrup they used, and the Pancakes themselves were thin, yet fluffy! If you're ever in Hidari Wakibara, I completely recommend stopping by~!

:｡･:*:･ﾟ’★,｡･:*:･ﾟ’☆｡･:*:･ﾟ’★,｡･:*:･ﾟ’☆:

I can't wait to meet all of you~!

((OOC + Rules below the cut))

Howdy, I'm Gray (he/they)! I'll Try to keep this short since I don't like going out-of-character on rp blogs-

This is a Canon-Accurate (as much as I can be) blog for Teruhashi! It's also a bit of an excuse to get me better at writing her lol ^^'

Basic Rundown:

• This is a sideblog, I follow from @twosidedcherrytrees!

• I RP with anyone, even multiple blogs of the same Muse or someone from a completely different franchise! Just be sure to send me a DM beforehand if I havent reached out to you first lol-

• When I'm talking Out of Character, I'll do so like ((this))!

• Despite Teruhashi being from a show about Psychic abilities and reading people's mind, I don't write her inner thoughts as I view this as how she would interact with Tumblr if she was actually a real person. The only exception to this is if our RP involves talking and writing in 3rd person.

• Any Important tags will be featured in my blog's search function until I make a post specifically for tags (which will probably take a minute but I will keep you updated on when I do!)

• Any and all art I use are either free to use, from an anime, or is drawn by me! I have a strong stance against the use of AI and art theft, so if I ever make a mistake and post art that's either AI or made for noncommercial use, please don't hesitate to let me know!

Rules:

• Just as a warning- Teruhashi does have an older brother who is, in the show, romantically interested in her. She does not feel the same way in canon, nor does she here. Whenever anything related to that comes up, which I will only bring up if the person I'm RPing with does, I will be sure to tag appropriately. Please do not hesitate to block me if this makes you uncomfortable, as I completely understand why it would.

• I try my best to keep Teruhashi as accurate as possible, but I'm but a man and am likely going to make mistakes! In cases like that uh. Avert your eyes if I change entire points of posts cuz I made an oopsy lmao- I will just roll with it if I make a mistake like that during an active RP though, so don't worry about me changing my wording or even entire sentence mid-response!

• No NSFW at all, please! I'm an adult, but my Muse isn't. So nothing sexual. Flirting is okay but I should make it known that my current goal for Teruhashi is for her to realize she's Aroace and then come out as such.

• Any type of Homophobia, Transphobia, Ableism or Racism is not allowed here. If you're any of those, do not interact with me, thank you.

• Don't spam the same question over and over please! I appreciate your excitement but after a certain point it just seems draining for both parties lol

• Don't send any asks trying to push your own headcanons onto Teruhashi! You can definitely ask if she does something, and a solid 7/10 times I'll just incorporate it into my headcanons for her and go with it, but I'd prefer if they were not told to me like I have to follow them

• Magic Anons are allowed, but try to keep them from being too complicated! I don't typically do magic anons, so also be sure to tell me if I'm doing it wrong lmao

• You don't have to follow any specific plot-point that's currently going on in Teruhashi's blog! Any story beats with different Muns/Groups will be tagged as something different. As of now the only rp tag im using for that is #PK Academy AU , but if you don't want to follow those plot points let me know, and I'll use a different tag to differentiate the uh... timelines? Ig? The different RP plots

• If we're RPing together, I'd prefer if your character didn't somehow know everything there is to know about Teruhashi. Unless your character can actively read her mind, or has another canon reason for why they'd know her inner thoughts and feelings besides what she shows outwardly, please don't god-mod it (T v T). If your character does have a reason to know, please DM me to tell me!

• The previous rule does not apply to her immense beauty as honestly that doesn't seem fun to write or rp. Ignore that ability all you want lmao, honestly she needs people who won't see her for nothing but her looks.

• I'll try to match both how much you write and which way you RP. For instance, if you typically write in 3rd person and go a more general RP, I'll do the same! If you RP like your muse is a real user talking to someone on Tumblr, I'll do the same, too! Just be sure to let me know before-hand, either via DM or just starting the interaction lmao

Final notes:

I'm happy to be here and meet you all! I'm pretty new to the general ask blog etiquette, I've only really been on Pokéblr before, so let me know if I do anything rude on accident! With that, I hope we can all get along, and thank you for reading!

[dazais-guardian-angel]

Chapter 110 is 13 pages long welcome to hell!!! so in a lot of ways this is just more fuel for a theory that I've had for a few weeks now, that's only gotten stronger with each recent season 5 episode, which is that the last episode of the season is gonna end on 110, and that Asagiri/Harukawa and Bones have been collaborating to make this happen, specifically because it's a major turning point that would be the only good place to end the season on.

When we started getting especially long chapters again (like from 25-35ish pages, with the exception of 107.5, the last two being some of the longest we've ever had), at first I just assumed that Asagiri/Harukawa got freed up from some other obligations they'd been having to cause the extremely short/half chapters, like promotional stuff for the anime/Beast movie, or working on light novels. But then 109 happened, with the "supposed" death of Dazai, and heavy emphasis at the end on how literally everyone is at their lowest point right now, and I got to thinking. 11 episodes is a strangely specific number for an anime season -- why not 12, or 13, or even 10, like you'd usually see? Why have we gotten suddenly gotten two 35 page chapters out of nowhere, that's almost unheard of at this point? They're both beautiful chapters, don't get me wrong (as always), and maybe A/H simply just didn't want to cut them in halves because they felt like the full emotional impact wouldn't hit/that there were no good cutoff points in them, but you can't deny that it's surprising, after all the shorter chapters we've been getting. Why has the anime been going at such insanely breakneck pacing for the most part ever since around the Sunday Tragedy chapters, even more so than it has in the past? So much so that it feels dangerously close to overtaking the manga?

Well, maybe, just maybe, it's because..... Asagiri decided a long time ago that whatever happens in 110 is the only point that feels "season finale"-worthy enough, in an arc that still isn't anywhere close to being completely wrapped up, and so both the manga and the anime have been specifically coordinated to reach that part within 2 and a half weeks of each other?

I've seen a lot of people now think season 5 will end with 109, and as much as my sadistic side would find that hilarious, I honestly don't think they'd do that and realistically don't want it to happen; it'd be so cruel to cliffhanger the anime for years like that, and just doesn't feel like a season cliffhanger BSD would do, a series that is ultimately hopeful and uplifting. Seasons 2 and 3 had a positive, conclusive ending; the only reasons seasons 1 and 4 didn't was because they're technically not really full seasons of their own, and are more like the first cour of another "season" that also came out that same year (seasons 1 and 2 both aired in 2016, so they're more like one big season, and seasons 4 and 5 have both aired this year, so they're also more like one big season, again taking into account how episodes 12 and 50 are not satisfying finales like episodes 24, 37, and hypothetically, 61, are). I really can't see season 5 ending with Dazai and Fukuzawa's supposed deaths, Sigma being unconscious and maybe close to death, Atsushi being vulnerable and limbless again, everyone we love still vampires, and the entire world being basically doomed; that's just too depressing and not like BSD at all. However, having said that, if it doesn't end there, there really isn't any good place to end the season before that, either, that feels in any way satisfying or like a finale at all. And so, to me, that only leaves after 109: chapter 110.

I think things are really gonna turn around next chapter. Like I said, everyone is at their lowest point right now, it cannot possibly get any worse, the framing of Dazai, Fukuzawa, and sskk at the end of 109 is telling us that; this is the time for the heroes to finally start winning again, with Aya being so close to pulling out the sword, and for all the thematic reasons other people have talked about to death that I don't need to go into here again. This upcoming chapter being so short again makes a part of me wary of 110 being "the one", so to speak, I won't lie, but at the same time, it's very possible that it needs to be that short because that's all the final episode of the season will be able to reasonably fit in, since it's already gonna be VERY close if they do make it all the way to 109. And at the end of the day, I don't doubt at all that Asagiri and Harukawa can make these the most monumental and game-changing mere 13 pages ever if they wanted to; a chapter does not at all need to be extremely long in order to be an important and impactful one, even if short ones we've gotten in the past haven't felt the most important.

An additional thought I've had, though this is much more crack territory than all this already is, is that since we know from Anime Expo that a Stormbringer movie at some point is highly likely (judging from Asagiri's reaction when someone brought it up), it's possible that chapter 110 and thus the final episode will involve the long-anticipated return of Verlaine and/or Adam, or at least some other major reference to Stormbringer, that would naturally and smoothly lead into a Stormbringer movie to explain things to people who haven't read the novel. It would make a lot of sense, especially since the s4 OP has the Old World sign behind Chuuya, which might be a hint that this has been in the works ever since seasons 4/5 were first in planning with Asagiri. We also know that Dazai and Chuuya's voice actors apparently struggled to record their lines together this season, which probably relates to 101 and possibly 109, but it could be 110 too.... I could be very wrong, as I'm no expert on this kind of thing, but I kinda doubt they would bring Chuuya's actor in for just the vampire growls, and Asagiri placing heavy emphasis on Chuuya's importance this season in that one interview gives me the impression that he's talking about much more than just 101/109. But that's the least solid evidence I have, that's just mostly based on vibes I get.

So basically, I think a lot of factors -- the unusual episode count, how close the anime is to catching up to the manga with three whole episodes left, the seemingly arbitrary recent chapter lengths, and the climactic events of 109 -- can tell us that 110 might be a very, VERY big deal. Again, there's of course no way this arc is anywhere near close to being finished, with so much left to address and resolve, but since it is currently incomplete in the manga, unlike the previously adapted arcs, if the anime was going to adapt it at all, they'd have to find a place that feels satisfying enough to end this season, knowing there won't be more anime for a long time after this, and so I think they specifically planned for that, from both Bones' and A/H's sides. 10 episodes might not have been enough to reach that point, but 12 or 13 might have been too many it wouldn't have been if Bones actually decided to slow down and let the story breathe the way it needs to, but this post isn't meant to criticize the anime, so maybe 11 was just right. And maybe Asagiri and Harukawa specifically pushed to make recent chapters longer than usual, in order to make sure that the manga reached the story content in 110 the monthly release right before season 5 was to end.

Is this just copium? Absolutely. Am I going to look like an absolute clown in two days when this post ages like milk? Probably. But the evidence is There, so let me just enjoy my delusions until Sunday, okay 🥂🫡

[funnyburneracct]

Hi, I'm Xiao/burningrqs. this post is going to be long. Posting this from a burner so that it doesn't go down the drain when we deactivate.

But essentially, this is an apology to the radqueer community for multiple different things. I'm going to do my best to type this out as well as possible, and I apologize if I miss anything or word things poorly. I am going to explain myself to the best of my abilities, but please keep in mind that my explanations do not excuse my actions by any means.

Post under the cut.

for those who don't want to read it though, TL;DR: I was a complete asshole and I'm genuinely very sorry about it.

So, I want to start off by apologizing in general for the "burning radqueers" thing. Not only was it just not funny, but it was also really weird. I know damn well that if I saw someone pop up with a "burningmogais" blog or something, I would be pissed. So I don't know what made me think that running burningradqueers was a good idea in any sense.

My rude and dehumanizing comments did not help. Regardless of how I view people, what disorders I have, or how symptoms present themselves, it was disgusting of me to act as though I can't be held accountable for my cruelty towards others.

The targeted posts were even worse, and allowing people to just pick a random blog to "burn" was teetering on harassment. It put the user in front of so many people who clearly did not have good intentions towards them, and inherently put the user being "burnt" in danger. I wish I noticed that fact sooner. Even if I disagreed with people or didn't like them for whatever reason, I still should not have felt as though I had the right to post stuff like that.

Adding onto that, I should have never used my ASPD as an excuse for anything. I tend to get defensive when I feel insulted, which is what happened, and I decided to bite back despite being in the wrong. I acted impulsively and out of pure anger, and then tried to defend it, which I shouldn't have. When saying the kinds of things I did, I am open to criticism whether I like that fact or not, and trying to act as though I am immune to that criticism because of a disorder was disgusting on my part.

Another thing, somewhat on a similar note, is that an apology is owed for my hostility in general. Every time it was even lightly suggested I was wrong, I seemed to lash out and get angry. This really just comes down to me needing to learn to admit my wrongs. I should not have made my inability to understand my wrongdoings anyone else's problem.

Then there's also the things I said when I lashed out before deciding to drop burningradqueers entirely. I don't fully remember all of what I said as the event happened during an episode (this does not excuse my words at all by the way. regardless of my state at the time, what I said wasn't okay and should not be excused) and the posts have since been deleted. But, I do remember at one point making harassment out to be a competition of sorts when someone was simply trying to calmly explain to my why the namedropping was not a good move. I can't for the life of me remember why I did that, but I am very sorry about it. A lot of people in the radqueer community have been harassed (and likely do still get harassed constantly), and for me to act like I am the only victim of harassment was wrong on multiple levels.

I'm sure there was a lot of bad stuff I said during that episode, but as I said, I do not remember most of it. I'm sorry that I can't apologize for the specific things I said, but I am apologizing for the situation as a whole.

The entire thing started over me not being able to handle much deserved criticism, and I stood "my ground" despite having absolutely no ground to stand on.

I started burningradqueers over baseless hatred. I didn't know why I was supposed to hate radqueers, or what I was even really hating. I joined the anti community thinking that it is much easier to just move with the pack and hate what everyone else seems to hate, but hatred really isn't that easy. It's exhausting. And realizing how much the anti community really wouldn't want me if I was honest about things made me realize that. Realizing that there are so many antis who would rather see us suffer forever due to dysphoria than see us live happily after getting amputations was rough, and honestly kinda gave me a taste of what radqueers have to deal with every single day, and it felt horrible.

Without realizing it, I managed to do so much damage to a community full of people who deal with exactly the same things I do, a community that is mostly traumatized and mentally ill people who are just trying to get by. Not even just that, but genuinely just people trying to exist and be honest about themselves.

It is not my place to dictate what is and isn't valid in terms of someone's personal identity, and even more, it's not okay for me to treat a whole community like garbage just because I didn't understand it.

Again, I do not want my actions to be excused. I treated people horribly and was a total dick, but I hope that me apologizing can at least make some of you feel better about how I behaved.

[magicbeings]

hi!!

i recently found your fics and i absolutely LOVE them!!! i stumbled upon your catfish!au and was immediately obsessed with your storytelling and opened up your account to see you were the author of the pretty woman au i opened and that consequently lost in my 100s of open ao3 tabs. needless to say, i’ve quickly read almost all of your fics and can’t wait to see what you have next!!

if my understanding is correct, english is not your first language which a) SO impressive, you are giving such incredible works to the fandom FOR FREE and in a language other than your own, so grateful! and b) PLEASE know this is not a thing i’d normally go to the effort to comment on, because as said literally adore everything you put out and am not one to harp on tiny mistakes, esp if english isn’t your first language, but i noticed that throughout your fics, you have the occasional typo of “groin” as “groyne” (which is a word i’ve discovered today! just for a coastal feature that helps prevent erosion, the more you know!)

again, NOT a thing i’d normally feel any need to point out, however i have also recently read an anonymously-authored, r/s explicit series on ao3, and noticed in an update that was posted today also featured the use of “groyne” in place of where “groin” would normally be used

i’m not making any sort of insinuations, as any reason an author may want to post some fic, smutty or otherwise, that is not associated with their username is entirely valid!! but, in case it is a helpful tip, and in case there are any other slightly crazy detail-oriented people like myself who might make some speculative connection, changing said typo to groin in the anonymous fic might avoid future questions

i am SO SO sorry if all of this is incredibly presumptuous and i am an incredibly off-base stranger riddled with recency bias in your ask box, but i thought about if i were in this possible situation i would appreciate the notice. again, just such sincere apologies if said notice is unwanted or completely unneeded lol

again, i am enjoying your works very much and am looking forward to reading the tarot fic next! i hope you keep up all your creative endeavors and continue to do generously share it as long as it brings you joy 💗

Hi! First of all, thank you for the lovely message! I'm glad you're enjoying my stories 😌

Secondly (and I'm gonna answer this ask publically, in case anyone else perhaps wondered the same thing as you), no, I have no other works posted on AO3, under any different usernames, nor orphaned/anonymous. I mean, I have no reason too, all my most embarrassing kinks are already pretty clear from the works I already have under my username, so 😂

I hadn't realised the spelling of "groin" as "groyne" was wrong. Google Docs, which is where I write all my works, says that "groyne" is the British spelling for "groin", and will flag "groin" as wrong when set to spell check for British English. As I try my hardest to use British English on my Marauders fics (even if that's hard for me, because I originally learned American English), I was under the impression it was correct 😂 but I've recently started spell checking on MS Word, and it does flag "groyne" as wrong, and it did leave me very confused.

Then, I googled it, and there are some references saying the spelling "groyne" is correct for British English... So idk, maybe some native speaker can clarify that for me? I'm very curious now.

@marigold-hills @tealeavesandtrash @leavesthatarebrown @quiethauntings any of you Brits care to help me with this one? Hahah

But, to answer your question: no, that work you're referring to is not mine. Perhaps it's just written by another clueless non-native speaker who's trusting Google Docs to spell check for them? I'd bet that's what happened (:

And don't worry, I don't think your message is presumptuous and I really appreciate its intention, I'm sure if it was the case, it'd have been very helpful to have a heads up!

[lookbluesoup]

Hydaelyn in Endwalker

At the risk of looking stupid online I'm going to field my perplexions about Hydaelyn that've been bothering me for months lol This post is... a little Hydaelyn critical. But I do offer that in good faith, I LOVE the character and I'm not trying to just trash her, I'm genuinely interested to hear other perspectives about it. (But please be nice, everyone is entitled to their own take)

Also this is not in response to anyone else's post. I haven't even seen any Hydaelyn posts circulating lately. I'm not vagueing anyone or trying to start drama. Just trying to sort out my own feelings about this character.

So my main takeaway from MSQ was that love is, ultimately, what saves you. That humans (including Ancients!) aren't perfect, and cannot love perfectly, but the shared love of you and others is still what saves you.

And, also, that grief is a part of life. Mistakes are a part of life. Conflict and loss happen, but they need not destroy you. Stand for doing right as best that you can, forgive yourself and keep trying, keep loving - both yourself and others.

There was an incredible amount of emphasis on not judging or hating one's enemies, about accepting the humanity in all of us and coming together, which I really loved.

There was also, of course, a huge rejection of self-sacrifice and martyrdom.

I saw all those themes in the Dark Knight quests a LOT (especially before the English translation changed so many scenes), and I assume Ishikawa was continuing that theme from Shadowbringers onward.

So again! I don't hate Hydaelyn!

But I feel like... at least in the English translation, she is still treated with excessive reverence, like a goddess, by the Scions - even ones it didn't really make sense to after her origin came out, like Y'sthola.

And at least on my first playthrough, while I like Venat a lot and love the drama of the Final Days pushing everyone into points of desperation, to their breaking points, and her decision to sunder the world definitely did ultimately help (help!) make it possible for us to defeat the Endsinger... I dunno.

To me she was still subject to the same arrogance as the rest of the Ancients. Whether her decision paid off or not, she still took into her hands the fate of the entire Star, she still made a decision that would result in millions of deaths.

And if we're going by Hydaelyn's own assertion, that each reincarnation is their own person, not just a missing piece of a whole... then to achieve her goal of a better world, she killed all the remaining Ancients except those three.

She chose to create a world where death and trauma would affect generation after generation - and she can say that it was for the greater good, for the world to survive. But that was essentially the Convocation’s justification too, in creating Zodiark and orchestrating the Rejoinings. Committing genocide to prove that genocide is wrong… is not noble.

The cutscene with her sundering the world, where the people insist they'll return to a world free of sorrow underneath a burning sky, could also NOT be how it actually happened. It had to be representational of her feelings and conclusion. Becoming Hydaelyn took coordination with her followers and planning.

At least in English, idk about the original Japanese, Hythlodaeus's shade describes the time of the Sundering as if the world wasn't in utter ruin at that point. It was beginning to heal, they had restored some natural systems, but the Ancients were short in numbers. At that point, they were done sacrificing their own people, in time they were going to sacrifice other life - plants and animals, to restore those lost brethren.

At the very least, Hythlodaeus's completely different account shows that the two sects of people post-Zodiark were viewing their sacrifice and end goal in completely different ways. Ethics aside, whether the competing goal was achievable or not… we will never know, because Venat stopped it from happening.

But I don't think either recounting has a monopoly on the truth. There was no One Truth, there were just competing needs and perspectives. And though Venat insists that unity is necessary to avert the Endsinger - she perpetuates this division. Azem refused her followers call to help summon Hydaelyn, and I think that's significant.

But I'll also acknowledge that Azem didn't manage to save the Ancients, either.

And you could argue that the Ancients were their own worst enemy. They kind of were.

Hermes was a really, really great caricature of severe, untreated Depression. And he had the powers of a god. His creations were sent to find a specific answer in the world beyond, and like their creator, they didn't have the tools to process hearing an answer other than what they were expecting. They were trapped in their own perspective. He was looking for answers in the stars, instead of in himself. Their own pain and inability to engage with emotion in a healthy way overwhelmed every encounter they had and created the very reality he so feared.

He did not use the proper channels for peer review before sending them out on their mission. Those rules, those checks and balances, that community approach to design, existed to protect the Ancients from their own power, and he deliberately acted in secret. He isolated himself from society, convinced himself his pain was something nobody could understand, made an island of himself and doubled down on his own jaded beliefs.

I don't know what kind of mental health facilities were available to the Ancients - we just don't have that information. But I do know that he was treated with patience and forgiveness by a significant number of colleagues, and his quirks weren't held against him. People did try to help and accommodate him, even if they didn't always understand. He had been promoted to a powerful position. I don't know if it's fair to blame anyone in particular, or even their society, for what happened. Because again... everyone was doing the best they could with what they had.

If anything, the problem was that literally any Ancient could have made a similar mistake in the right situation. They were ALL that powerful. Eventually chaos would happen. Sundered souls can certainly create destruction, but not on the same scale.

I don't personally agree with Hydaelyn's decision not to reach out to the Convocation. I understand being careful, and thinking through what the next step should be before acting. But there's a LOT of "maybes" in this argument:

And ultimately, it's her doing the same thing as Hermes, putting the power of judgement over an entire people in her own hands. She's assuming that she is in a unique position to decide the fate of the entire Star. It's not evil. But it's arrogant. She wasn't special among the Ancients, gifted with some unique wisdom. She was doing the best she could from her own perspective.

Plus... if half your population, and then another half again are about to sacrifice themselves... what have you got to lose by outing Hermes and/or trying to work with the Convocation to avert that loss of life? We don't have all the details, I'm willing to accept that there were circumstances that made it impossible, or at least made Venat decide against trying it. But even so. What did you have to lose leading up to the summoning of Zodiark? There was already panic and destruction at that point.

Hydaelyn sacrificed a lot of people to accomplish her goals. She made a goddess of herself and manipulated people like Minfilia on that basis. She killed so many children and stole so many lives even just by reincarnating Minfilia over and over on the First. She misrepresents the nature of the Ascians to the WoL, keeps secrets, and essentially charges you with being a crusader in her Holy War.

It's Emet- Selch who tries to bridge the gap. Not Hydaelyn. It's him who's willing to consider trying to achieve his goals without bloodshed, if you, the WoL, are strong enough. He says this to himself, out of anyone else's hearing. There's no reason for it to be a lie.

And just before Mt. Gulg, you can see Emet starting to question his beliefs about humanity because of the WoL's accomplishments. Hydaelyn has nothing to do with that. It's all you. And Emet succumbs to his own weaknesses too, so we never get to know what that might have happened if you'd had more time with him. He's not better than her.

But I think it's significant that he's the one who reaches out. Who's willing to consider a compromise at all.

In war you make sacrifices, I get that. But she was not more heroic, somehow, than the Ascians. Both sides were doing terrible things and denying the agency of mortals in order to achieve their ideal world.

So to me... she was not a benevolent incomprehensibly wise mother figure. Much like in real life we go from being kids who trust our moms implicitly, to adults who realize our mother was human and made mistakes, I think we’re supposed to recognize that Hydaelyn didn't do everything right and its our job to carry the future forward for subsequent generations, to learn from what came before, and hope that our own children do the same and forgive us for our own mistakes.

I think its very important to note that the WoL is just as much the Convocation's creation as Hydaelyn's. Without being rejoined as many times as they were, the WoL wouldn’t have survived. She saves you from the Ultima Weapon, Emet-Selch saves you from Elidibus, and its their powers combined that save you and your friends from the Endsinger. You are the legacy of each side’s imperfect love, equally.

WHICH brings me to my point of perplexion. Hydaelyn continues to be venerated. NPCs who know what happened continue to emphasize her side of things. I feel I must be missing something, because to me, the finale of Endwalker essentially shattered any idea that this was a Light vs Dark kind of story. People made choices. People made mistakes. It wasn't good or evil. It was human. We survived in spite of our mistakes because love was more powerful than our imperfections.

The Scions sacrificed themselves one by one just like the Ancients. And got brought back using energy from the Star... not all that different than what the Ascians had planned to do with their own brethren. I just don't see much functional difference there in the sentiments between either side.

I don't think we're supposed to hate Hydaelyn. I don't think she was evil. But I don't think she was better than the Ascians.

So while I don't expect, or want, characters to be condemning her left and right in the narrative, it's still baffling to me that there's such consistent, explicit reverence for her.

[aaronstveit]

hi there! you said in your tags that the latest chapter of deep end contains the two scenes you built the entire fic on. i hope i'm not too nosy but i was wondering if you could tell us more about those two scenes? <3

omg hi anon!! yes i would LOVE to tell you more about those two scenes 🫡 gonna put this beneath the cut because i am a certified yapper and this WILL be longer than i intend it to be

the scenes in question are the two arguments with cosette and grantaire at the end. the cosette argument in particular is the basis of so much of this fic — the line "The dutiful martyr Enjolras, who has a flag where he should have a heart." was one of the very first things i wrote for deep end. not a very charitable place to begin from when it comes to enjolras' characterization, but even when i first wrote it, it was less about who enjolras was and more about how he was perceived.

okay i just scrolled allllllllll the way back to the very beginning of the edit history in my original deep end document (still titled "enjolsette siblings?" btw) and first of all i started writing this in MARCH which is wild to me. that was the month i finished reading les mis. wow. anyway apparently i wrote the first drafts of both these scenes in the same evening, and i'm honestly surprised by how much of them remained unchanged in the final version. at the time that i wrote them, they both occurred in chapter 8 of what i PLANNED to be 10 chapters. that's also extremely funny to me. there was really a time when i thought i could contain this story to 10 chapters...

when i wrote these chapters, i hadn't even written enjolras and cosette meeting yet. the original draft of the grantaire argument didn't have enjolras realizing he was in love with grantaire then. i was still in the first 10k of writing deep end when i wrote them. all that existed before these arguments were the original draft of chapter 1, half of the original draft of chapter 2, and the conversation with combeferre in chapter 5 that begins with combeferre saying "You've been spending a lot of time with Grantaire lately." so when i say these scenes are the basis of the entire fic, i really mean it. the whole time i was writing, i was pushing enjolras toward this point.

from the moment that i began writing deep end, it was intended to be an exploration of enjolras & his ideas of duty and justice. it has spiraled into being a story about a lot of other things, but in the kitchen with cosette, it comes down to this again. it comes down to: enjolras, and what he thinks his duty is, and just how wrong he is.

because he is wrong. money, whether she wants it or not, isn't going to "fix" cosette. there is no "fixing" cosette, because she's not broken. has she been hurt? yes. did their father fail her? undeniably. but depositing a check into her bank account isn't the answer to this. enjolras wants to heal her in some material sort of way, and that just isn't possible. all he can do is be her brother.

so, i had to take enjolras to that place. i had to make him obsess over "paying for his father's sins." i had to make him stressing himself out over the money. i had to make him love cosette without understanding it. and i had to make him terrible.

i love making enjolras terrible, i won't lie. a lot of the time when i'm writing, i like to see how terrible i can make him without alienating him completely from the reader. when i was trying to decide what line from this chapter to use as the summary, i sent a few options to my friend cossette, who read an earlier draft of this fic. she chose the line about him being "capable of being truly terrible" for me, because she said that was kind of the whole thing i was going for.

and it was! for him to be able to say the things he says in this chapter — from telling cosette "Look what he did to you!" to him saying to grantaire "Your chest is even emptier than mine. All you have is an empty bottle and a half-assed joke." he HAS to be terrible. these are terrible things to say!

unfortunately, i think they're also very human things to say. i joke a lot about how much i enjoy making characters say the worst possible things to each other, but it's true. i love doing it. because i think it's so tragically human. especially when you're saying these things to a person that you love. it's easy to hurt the people we love, because we know them well enough to know just where to hit them.

when enjolras hurts cosette, it's mostly by accident. he is coming from a good place, but going all about it wrong. when he hurts grantaire, it is with intent. he and grantaire have spent years hurting each other. when enjolras finds himself falling after fighting with cosette, it's too easy for him to cling to the closest familiar thing: fighting with grantaire.

building up to the fight with grantaire was a different beast. whereas the argument with cosette is borne from misguided ideas of justice, the fight with grantaire is entirely personal. as i was writing deep end, i had to write an enjolras and a grantaire who could come to this place, in very different ways. enjolras had to find himself leaning on grantaire; he had to be in more pain than anyone realized, including himself; he had to be terrible. grantaire, in contrast, had to have some amount of self control; he had to be someone who could be leaned on; he had to be able to walk away. the grantaire we meet in chapter 1 meets very little of these requirements. his development is just as important as enjolras', even if he isn't the main focus.

this answer is, as predicted, much much longer than i intended so i will wrap things up. when writing longform fic, i tend to start with the worst thing and work my way outwards from there. these two scenes are the worst things. because i knew where he was going, i knew while i was writing that i had to shape and enjolras who would find himself saying and doing the worst things he could. that's why he's cruel to grantaire in the first few chapters, why he finds himself arguing with grantaire despite knowing better, why he constantly finds himself self-destructing. i always tell everyone that deep end is about enjolras beating the marble statue allegations, and that's never truer than it is in chapter 18.

for the record, you are always welcome to stop by and ask me about deep end! i have soooooo much director's commentary and i love to yap. i could talk all day about what happened in the original draft, what was added later, ideas i toyed with, why i made the decisions i did, etc. thank you so much for this ask <333 i had lots and lots of fun answering it even if my answer is pretty much as long as deep end herself.

[randomthefox]

As much as making predictions for IDW is pointless (but hey, maybe it can be fun to see how much the story deviates from its logical consequences :P)...

I think that in #75 Lanolin will finally discover that her babyboy Duo lied to her, and Whisper was right all along. She'll blame herself for being stupid, which will cause the others to rush to comfort her with the power of friendship and completely forget about her abusive behavior :)

Now, if the story was logical, this should be the breaking point for Lanolin. She was duped. She was stubborn. She was bossy, violent, and terrified the others (nevermind that it doesn't make sense). She always got in the way. No one cares that Sonic broke the rules, her oh so precious rules, because people inherently trust Sonic in a way they can't trust her, not anymore. She was useless and a terrible teammate.

These would be the perfect circumstances to make her reflect on her approach on heroism, and how flawed it is. Even assuming that she meant well at first, she did everything wrong. She should feel bad about herself! She should strive to be more relaxed and accepting of things that don't go the way she expected!

... but after ABT drew her getting so close to shooting Sonic because it's all his fault the world is shit, apparently, I doubt she's ever gonna change. She will join Surge in spreading the idea that Sonic upholds an unfair system of harm for his own amusement and she's just a poor victim of it.

Sometimes I feel like when I speculate about possible directions the comic could go in, I'm giving the writers too much credit. I'm thinking about the story too rationally. I'm thinking of it as if it is a story written by competent creatives who want to craft a narrative where the characters act believably and consistently. And the comic has repeatedly demonstrated that it is not capable of doing that even when it tries.

If I had to speculate entirely based off of this cover, my guess would be that Lanolin is going to demand Sonic be "brought to justice" only for literally everyone including Jewel to say uhhh no? And that is going to cause her to become disillusioned, especially since she interprets Tangle and Whisper hiding the truth from her as them "protecting a criminal." So Jewel ALSO being "in on it" would be interpreted further as a betrayal. The Restoration has lost its way, it as an organization revolves around this one crazy guy who is never held accountable even when he does something wrong. Duo's reveal as Mimic will either further contribute to that, OR he'll tempt her to the dark side and she'll take off with him to go become a villain.

But again that's me thinking about it in terms of what I think would actually make sense to happen based on the preceding events and characterization. Frankly this comic is so badly written and makes so little sense that it's almost unpredictable. I do think it's a pretty safe bet no matter what though that Lanolin is NOT going to grow and change and be inspired to become a better person. I think it's a pretty safe bet that she's going to start reciting the IDW gospel that Sonic Is Bad Actually. And the "fans" of the comic will eat it the fuck up.

Because this comic is written BY people who hate Sonic, FOR people who hate Sonic.

[xarrixii]

arri, writer in progress

cisgender, white, and pansexual/ace, though figure out what gender i am yourself cause i will use any pronouns (chaos)

flash/burn masterlist | pinned introduction post

i classify myself as a writer in the sorts that i am an aspiring author, and in progress in the sorts that i'm currently writing what i hope to be a published book someday.

most of it is available on tumblr in first-draft form. its name is FLASH/BURN, and i love it. (some of it is second-draft.)

name someone i talk to a lot and they'll probably agree i likely have some level of undiagnosed ADHD. i'm usually incredibly irregular, sporadic, and it's random whether i'm organized or in complete disorder.

i like to stay up super late (is this relevant?). i'm an adult citizen of the united states.

what kinds of books are you interested in?

genre-wise, i'm willing to read a lot as long as it's fiction. sci-fi, fantasy, lack of and presence of magic, action, adventure, thriller.

i think my favorite books fall along the lines of following characters more than they follow plots.

do you have any hobbies or interests outside of writing?

i had very long rhythm game and gacha phases, but i also enjoy a good SCP game or relaxed Minecraft server.

what font do you like to write in?

lora, point twelve. i started using it years ago and now it's hard to use anything else. it looks like this:

(excerpt from FLASH/BURN Chapter 45: "Operative")

where can i find your writing?

you can find anything i've wanted to post in public here, on my tumblr. i set up a wattpad for FLASH/BURN, but i haven't gotten around to uploading more than the first arc (chapter 1-22)

can i see some of your older writing?

sure! there's actually older versions of most of my WIPs in my Google Drive, and if you ever want to see some of what i consider my cringiest part of life, just ask. i'm open to messages and more open to my ask box (which you are allowed to remain anonymous in).

what's your music taste?

it's mostly a jumble of alternative rock music. Citizen Soldier and STARSET got me through the pandemic, and now i've begun listening to a few more better-known artists in roughly the same genre. (listen—rule number one is that it's all over the place.)

i have an entire playlist named after one character's music taste. i don't have to bother with another because it's one artist. the rest is vibes.

what themes are prevalent in your writing?

you're very likely to find a lot of found family, i think. possibly a ton of moral grey. lots of non-romance.

if you're looking more into FLASH/BURN's themes, both of the above apply. my good friend clove's attributed "coping mechanisms that no longer become useful." heavy trigger warnings for child abuse, extreme bigotry, suicide, and general mental health issues. Harlow goes through some shit.

what are some things you won't write?

you won't be finding NSFW-in-the-sexual-way content on this blog. i'm not really interested in it and frankly i don't want to write it because of that. i'm more than comfortable with torture, blood, gore, and horror, though i can't guarantee it'll be any good.

if you think i'm afraid to kill a major character, you're wrong, by the way. sorry.

can i send you a writing prompt?

oh fuck yeah. especially some hero/villain shit. let me experiment.

who are you inclusive of?

transgender people are welcome here. intersex people are welcome here. systems are welcome here. otherkin are welcome here. mental disabilities are welcome here. physical disabilities are welcome here. queer people are welcome here. aspec people are welcome here. fat people are welcome here. poc are welcome here. something something about you who is welcome here. women and men. everything fuckin' in between. just don't be an asshole and we're cool does that make sense??

i do not allow hate in this home, and let that include myself. hold me accountable.

something something about further questions, relate them to my secretary, of whom is myself and my tumblr askbox or private messages.

onwards with the WIP descriptions!

FLASH/BURN—

Harlow "Urban" Collins experienced the pyrokinetic rehabilitation and misuse clinics firsthand since he was seven. Since he awakened, it's been nothing but a constant stream of hatred. Alph "Raiden" Roy managed to build a trustworthy reputation despite their pyrokinesis and was about to begin police academy when an incident that could kill their best friend and implicate them in a felony upends their plans. A favor too many spirals both into the underground enforcement organization founded by Alph's family to pay it off—Cinder. Bad timing forces them into the clutches of a jump-started scramble to stop Storm's plans before Cinder's legal counterpart catches wind of its existence, even while life has to appear to resume like normal. Shit hits the fan.

#flash/burn #flash/burn shitposting

MONOALCHEMICAL

Vaughn Gray was accused of high treason and is one of the longest-running wanted criminals in the Kingdom of Graheathe. Heir to the Harkon Dukedom, Leon Brullen-Harkon is the first knight to successfully deliver the alchemist-sorcerer a permanent blow—and also the first one to need his help.

#monoalchemical:xarrixii

YELLOW IS FEAR

Fear was gifted the ability to wield an unruly piece of the magic plane and handed the trust of WKPD Captain Barrow McGlently. Fare Freundlichkeit thought that would be the biggest case her alter ego would ever need to go down, but that was before a strange, beak-masked “vigilante” kept pushing her away from the biggest slave trade Krusing had ever seen; and then swore his life to her.

#yellow is fear:xarrixii

HOLDING ANCHOR

Earwyn Sol wants nothing more than to be remembered, so when Captain Haze of Dead Water let him on board all those years ago, he finally thought he had the chance. After becoming the feared Second Lieutenant Cardinal, however, his chances hadn’t changed. Soren Auer is the sleepless Uchorian Sparrow translating fluently between the five common tongues and several ship communication encryptions just to keep the rest of his nine fingers, and also the inventor that offers himself hostage when Dead Water comes knocking.

#holding anchor:xarrixii

deadrail_

Atlas is the multi-skilled persona of tired code optimizer Sawyer Greene whose rules to meet with are very simple: no weapons, no murder, and he decides what jobs he'll take. Business as usual quickly turns into the unique job of somehow getting spoiled and dishonored Fujinaga Eiji to return to the Fujinaga succession line. To varying degrees of success.

#deadrail_xarrixii

Writemas

a writing game hosted by another tumblr user in december 2024 (@agirlandherquill). contains non-canon but adjacent content for Monoalchemical, Yellow is Fear, and Holding Anchor

looking for more? again i encourage you to ask me. i'll tell you all about the time i moderated for a roblox group or made some shitty play named "Melody" or whatever it was. the height of my gacha phase. who am i if not embarrassing the shit out of myself?

also if you want to see my gl2 rendition of flash/burn characters it either exists or can within like three hours

[yuseirra]

Some rants/theories on onk~(ch 162~)

I've been jotting some thoughts as of lately!!

I want to share it with you all because well, I'm sure some of you will relate and feel with me and it's just nice to see someone share the same type of thoughts, wouldn't it!

It may be worth a read if you like hikaru or hikaai.. or what the heck's been going about him in the manga. I feel so bad in regards to him, what's happening to him is really unjust. I feel it's so mean and unfair and I'm sure the author knows, so I hope they expand on that :) They must love this character better than I and he must be like this for a reason. I believe in them.

#1

Ruby… your dad and brother were fighting and fell into the water… What should we do about this… hahaha… hahaha…

But I think that scene itself was planned from way back.

It’s seriously annoying… hahaha. From what I can see, it’s like two victims of the entertainment industry wanting to kill each other, which is so frustrating and unfair.

If Kamiki just dies like this, it’s going to make me so mad because what was the point of his life? He’s never been happy. From my perspective, he wasn’t originally that kind of person, and it seems like he completely lost his mind after the person he loved died. But it’s unclear if we’re even supposed to feel sorry for him, which makes it even more frustrating. Why did they drag his life into the abyss like this? For what purpose?

Ai, at least, found love. But what about him?

If his original character was noble, then my view of his true nature was correct, right? So… I hope his story doesn’t just end with him like this. At this rate, I won’t even be able to fully support Aqua, and he won’t look good to me either, but I liked Aqua…

I hope Ruby can somehow save everyone. I’m not sure how that would even be possible, though.

I feel like I know where this manga is heading. I think I do. There is a way for all of this to make sense, but since it’s not my work, I can’t be certain. That’s why it’s so frustrating.

This is a manga that needs to be read by volumes.

#2

In chapter 162, Aqua says something grand like how his goal wasn’t revenge.

It’s a beautiful story, but it also annoyed me a bit, like, of course, that can’t be true!!!

From the beginning, Ai wasn’t even killed by this guy!!! The whole target of his revenge was wrong from the start! The entire premise was never valid. For over 150 chapters, Aqua had been chasing the wrong target. At the very least, Kamiki never intended to harm Ai, and if you look at it from that angle, he’s also a victim who was broken after losing Ai. What are you talking about like you’re so righteous, Aqua? It’s really getting on my nerves. What matters is what he did next and how he lived after that. Just in case, I checked the English version, and it said that as he grew older (not Ai), he couldn’t stand how Ai’s existence was fading away, and he wanted to feel that again. After Ai died, he missed her so much that he found this bizarre way to hold onto her and clung to it.

When you connect that with the songs, it kind of explains the logic behind it, and I think it makes sense. He’s definitely a crazy guy who did a lot of wrong things, but there also seems to be something more that drove him mad.

If revenge was really his motive, then he’s been hunting down the wrong person the whole time. Ruby was targeted, so it seems like Aqua did something useful by accident in the end… hahaha. (but it'd have been stupid if Kamiki didn't even intend to kill his own daughter<what is this, seriously??) I feel like this new chapter is set in a way to direct us away from the idea that KAMIKI DID NOT HARM AI. THUS, AQUA'S REVENGE DOESN'T EVEN STAND IN THE FIRST PLACE. he just happened to target Ruby by chance and so the focus shifts to that but we should really take this to account when we come to analyzing his character, seriously Kamiki is ANOTHER broken person who lost his love because of the malice in the entertainment industry. We need to read that context!!! That's why this gets on my nerves, I can't cheer Aqua wholeheartedly like this!!

It’s nice that Ruby and Aqua share such a deep bond, sure, but what about Ai’s wish? The two of them are doing their own thing, but what about Ai? (Of course, I expected Aqua to do that because he’s that kind of character. I saw it coming, didn’t I? I practically nailed it in my analysis before the chapter even came out, predicting that Aqua’s focus had shifted to Ruby.) I ended up liking the movie arc of this manga the most… so watching Aqua act that way kind of irritated me. What’s with that enlightened expression like everything’s over? Didn’t you say you’d grant Ai’s wish, you dumbo… Well, I do wonder how anyone can save someone so far gone, but did he really figure out who Kamiki truly was before deciding to kill him? Ai really wished for him to be saved. Why can't he understand his father? Why can't anyone understand how hurt this guy is except for Ai? There is not a single person who can understand his pain in the manga. This frustrates me, and I understand why he's so desperate about Ai because why wouldn't he become like that. He's become tainted and terrible, I get that, but he REALLY WASN'T LIKE THIS!! and if he's actually possessed like how I think he may be, then what's been happening isn't even entirely his will!!

There was talk about Kamiki having done nothing, but was that really a lie? I’m really confused. If he tried to kill Ruby, then maybe it really is over, but… who even is this guy?? What AM I supposed to make of him? Why are there still so many contradicting info?? They really have to explain this to us!!!

That’s why I don’t think this is the end. There are still too many unresolved plot points.

And personally, I think there's a lot to blame that lies with whatever it was that caused Kamiki to become so “broken.” That needs to be addressed.

I don’t think it’s right to pin all the malice on one crazy person and then get rid of him like that solves everything. Kamiki wasn’t originally someone who would break down this badly.

It seems like this character received two songs… So, regardless of how things end, I hope they properly address who this character really is.

#3

This is the first time I’ve encountered a character that’s so hard to understand. I’ve never felt like this before—there’s never been a character I couldn’t grasp to this extent. It’s not that I can’t understand their actions; it’s that I can’t figure out what kind of personality they even have. (it's said they had a noble soul, in that case, I DID SEE THROUGH HIS TRUE NATURE THOUGH. SO I'LL CLING ONTO THAT.)

This isn’t a character with a ton of screentime, but even within the few scenes they’ve appeared in, the content seems to contradict itself.

I keep saying this, but if it weren’t for the portrayals shown in the movie arc, I wouldn’t be this confused.

Why did they even mention fatherly love, and why did he say something about accepting death… His expressions are drawn in such a confusing way. They look so gentle and tender in some. In chapter 154, I really think he was being sincere—since the star had faded…

In long series, I can understand when a character’s personality changes a lot between the early and later parts, but this character hasn’t appeared much at all, and it hasn’t even been 10 chapters, yet their personality has completely shifted, and it’s impossible to reconcile their actions as coming from the same person.

Up until chapter 161, I’d managed to piece things together to make sense, but…

How do the events from chapters 152 to 162, this 10-chapter span, contradict each other so completely?

It’s hard to just say it’s all lies, because the portrayal wasn’t done in a way that supports that. Even when I try to selectively take what feels like the truth and dismiss the rest as lies, it’s still so confusing.

There are foundational elements, right? With just those pieces, you can sort of build a framework, but…

So, what’s the deal with this character? There’s no answer. We need solid information, but for some strange reason, the story just doesn’t provide it.

Honestly, I’m starting to think this character is possessed or something. Did they create it this way on purpose, like that’s the direction it’s heading? If that’s the case, then it makes sense for Ai to want to save him, doesn’t it?

This would also make Ai’s wish come true, since how can you save someone like that otherwise? I’ve mentioned before that it feels like this character is being controlled by something, or maybe a crack formed in his mind, and something took over that space. Even Aqua and Ruby’s personalities change for the worse when the black star appears. I’m starting to think that his desperate feelings for Ai were taken advantage of, and he got possessed and went mad.

His original personality couldn’t have been like this, right? That much's actually been provided as a plot point. I am right on this.

I’ve never analyzed a character this thoroughly, because I’ve never encountered one that made me go, “What’s going on with this guy?” to this extent. It’s… so overwhelming, good gosh.

I really put a lot of effort into this! I really think I’m good at this kind of analysis. But with this character, it just doesn’t make sense.

I would accept it if a proper explanation came out, but this character fluctuates so much within such a small amount of screentime, and the behavior is so drastically different that it’s just too weird. If this was intentional, then we’re talking about the realm of split personalities or possession. Is that not a possibility?

No, seriously. He was supposed to be noble, wasn’t he? I think he’s truly the noble god Sarutahiko at his core, but something like the black star killed his wife and is trying to completely destroy or ruin him. Why else would there be all these themes about gods who love in the face of absurdity and irrationality? Hahaha. Unless there’s something that totally broke him down like this, he wouldn’t have changed so drastically! Ai loved him, didn’t she? I paid close attention, and he seemed like someone worthy of that love! So why did he end up like this? Will there ever be an explanation?

Is Ai really not a god? Wow, seriously… No, this manga has something going on. Something to do with gods.

Isn’t she really the reincarnation of Ame-no-Uzume? I mean, wouldn’t the song lyrics make sense because of that?

Doesn’t she want to save her fallen husband, who’s been completely broken, no matter what? Seriously? He’s that messed up? He’s too far gone after losing his wife… and it’s understandable he’d go crazy like this. How should I even take this manga? If it’s not this, then I just won’t be able to understand the plot. To be honest, there are way too many weird hints about gods scattered throughout. If they’ve dropped all these clues, they need to tie it together somehow, or at least address it. Why else include these ideas?

I’m really thorough when it comes to character analysis, especially when I’m trying to draw fan art.

But Kamiki? He’s just too inconsistent. Seriously, hasn’t he been possessed by some evil spirit or something? Isn’t it weird? I want to accept it, but how are the portrayals from chapters that aren’t even far apart from each other so different? It’s not even about poor writing at this point—it feels like they’ve deliberately written him as two completely different characters. Did they do this on purpose?

My head really hurts. If he were just a crazy guy, I could have accepted that, honestly. But why give us information that says otherwise, and then turn him back into a madman? Why does Ai want him to be saved?

Then it’s really like something’s possessed him. This isn’t his true nature, so he needs to be exorcised.

#4

Yes, “Fatal” is Kamiki’s song.

Why do you think he longs to see Ai so much? Why would he say he’s fine with sacrificing anything for her?

It’s because no one, aside from Ai, ever truly looked at him properly. Of course he wouldn’t want to live like that. Aqua isn’t at that level… But Kamiki, he would give up anything just to see Ai again. I feel like he thinks Ai needs to come and take him away.

Ai gave Kamiki love and understood him. He thought they were alike. But everyone else either took advantage of him or failed to understand him. Why is that? Since childhood, it seems like no one who approached this character ever tried to understand him. That’s why I think he ended up clinging to Ai… And when you think about that, it’s hard to see how he could have grown up with this kind of personality… Given that environment, he actually turned out well. Even if he’s twisted, he didn’t end up as twisted as you’d expect. He really could have been a saint if things weren't this messed up. He never got to be happy, which is what really upsets me when I see him. You see him going in 162 saying the only times he felt alive was when he had Ai with him, WELL DUH!!! Because the other parts of his life was so miserable!! He has no one!! How CAN someone not grow insane after losing that single person who became his reason for living?? Seeing him makes me feel terrible... the fact that he used to be so kind makes me feel sad. He wouldn't have became what he is if it weren't for these twisted turn of events!! And what were the odds of those things happening to him, I don't think the events leading up to Ai's death was his doing, he's CLEARLY been taken over by the loss after that and that's the reason why he's shifted. There's no way he ever wanted to harm his only love.

#5

Without you, I cannot live anymore I would sacrifice anything for you I can’t get enough of your love What should I use to fill in what’s missing?

This song is really Kamiki’s song, isn’t it?

But, could this person have come up with those strange thoughts, that odd way of thinking, all on his own?

It’s not a natural thought process at all, is it?

What if something urged him to believe that by doing so, he could get closer to Ai?

Do people usually come to those kinds of conclusions? I feel like I wouldn’t think that way.

So, if—just if—this person can somehow be saved, like Ai wanted, then maybe there’s a separate mastermind behind why he came to think that way. Is he really the type of person who could naturally fall apart to this degree? We haven’t seen any clear explanation for why he ended up like this. And one of the song’s title is “Mephisto.” Then maybe Kamiki is like Faust, and there’s a separate entity he made a deal with? Like that black star god? Though it might not be.

Remember that post where I speculated about stars possessing people? I still think stars are definitely influencing people.

there's another theory post I wrote about that, too.

You know how the logo for this series has star eyes in it??

STAR EYES ARE IMPORTANT. I BELIEVE STARS=GODS=DWELL IN EYES OF THE MAIN CHARACTERS,

THERE'S A LYRIC IN FATAL THAT ACTUALLY INDICATES THAT.

キラキラお星様宿したあなたのeyes/ Your eyes with glittering stars in them.

So it makes sense that Kamiki's been under the influence.. of this "black star" for at least two decades....that'd be enough to really destroy and taint his soul. I also mentioned that the black star may do that do a person. I REALLY think this can be it.

Switching gears, I got volume 14 today…

As I looked through it, I kept wondering—why and how did this sweet, innocent boy end up like this? It’s such a mystery.

There’s so much about him we don’t know. We don’t even know exactly when he started falling apart, but Ai seemed to be happy being with him. And this guy liked Ai so much that it seemed like he could live just by having her around.

He really looked happy. If you look at his memories with Ai, he looks so genuinely joyful… He must have really loved her.

That’s probably why he broke down. In those memories, Ai was always smiling too, so I think they must have been very happy together. I'm sure. She REALLY loved him. He was a good person.