#it's already part of so many things i don't think most people even realise how much ai there already is in their daily life

[crowleys-bentley-and-plants]

My friend told me how her uni isnt against ai and even encourages students to use it because it is inevitable and im like 😀 excuse me 😀

[mantou-rin]

The moment the boys realise they are head over heels for you

Characters: Kenma, Sugawara, Yaku

A/N: The amount of things I am able to come up with while at work should be studied. As usual not proofread I am sorry but I hope you like the silly thoughts that go through my head on a daily basis.

KENMA

Kenma couldn't help but look up from his game to stare at you.

You were at the other end of the classroom talking with a few of your classmates. Your voice wasn't exactly loud, but your presence was more than enough to catch his attention. Kenma admired the way you spoke and the way your face lit up everytime someone said something interesting. You weren't exactly an extrovert, but you had a bubbly and bright personality, and often got along well with pretty much anyone. 

Kenma kind of envied you for that. Not that he was the kind to draw attention to himself, but being able to comfortably talk with people sometimes seemed nice. 

From the corner of your eye, you caught sight of him looking at you, and you turned to give him a smile while waving towards him. He instantly panicked, and quickly turned his attention back to his game console, trying his best to calm his rapidly beating heart. 

He wasn't sure for the longest time about this feeling he had towards you. Was it fascination or just admiration, or was it something more than that. To him, you seemed so interesting, almost as if he wanted to study - no, get to know you better. His racing heart finally confirmed it as a crush, but how does he even begin to ask you out? 

“Kenma”

He nearly jumped when he heard that familiar voice of yours. Slowly he put down his console and directed his attention to you. You were standing next to his desk, the sunlight hitting your face gave you the prettiest glow he had ever seen. 

It was real, he wanted to get closer to you, he wanted to understand everything about you. 

“There's a new cat cafe that just opened, would you like to go there together? I hope you don't mind that it'll just be the two of us.”

Two of us? Did he hear that correctly? Of course he wouldn't mind, if anything he was more than happy that it was just the two of you.  

“Mhm.” Came his silent reply, to which you happily told him that you’ll message him the details when you get home. 

Turns out that your feelings for him were mutual as well. 

SUGAWARA

Suga was not having a good day right now. He felt he didn't do a great job at practice just now and now he couldn't get rid of the constant worry that his team would be disappointed in him. For the most part, he knew the Karasuno boys would never be upset with him, but what if today it was different. 

Before he left just now, Daichi had already told him to cheer up and not think about it, but he just couldn't help himself. He wished he wasn't the kind to mull over his mistakes over and over, but unfortunately, he wasn't that kind of person. 

He really wanted to call you right now. He often told you how you were his comfort after a long day, and he felt that he really needed you today. He was about to make the call when he realised that you told him that you were going out to run some errands that night. 

Right. It wasn't polite to disturb someone when they were busy.  Suga figured to simply drop you a text instead, the both of you could talk about it later tonight.

Sighing, he shoved his phone back into his pocket and looked up at the sky. It was so quiet and calm, contrary to whatever his mind was right now - noisy and chaotic. 

“Suga!” He heard someone call from behind him. 

Hang on. That voice was familiar, one that he has heard many times, there was no way it was - 

You.

Suga wasn't sure why he nearly cried when he saw you, heck he wasn't even sure why you suddenly showed up. 

“Sorry if I’m a little late, but I saw your message and figured that I should come right away. Also sorry I couldn't get something better, but I got you some ice cream from the convenience store on the way here.”

Suga panicked a little, he worried that his message to you came off as something that needed immediate attention, that wasn't what he intended for it to be, although now that he saw you the chaos that was in his mind just now seemed to have died down. 

“Eh, I thought you had to run errands? Sorry if I bothered you.” 

“I can always go another day, besides, you having a bad day is something more important than the groceries I have to buy.” 

Suga wasn't aware, but he was sure he let a tear slip out of his eye when he felt your hands reaching towards him to wipe them away. He never noticed because he was always the one doing the comforting, but right now with you next to him assuring him that everything was going to be alright, his mind became a reflection of the night sky - calm and quiet.

“I'll go run your errands with you tomorrow, and will you allow me to bring you out for dinner afterwards?” 

YAKU

Yaku was glad you decided to join the volleyball team as a manager. Even though the two of you were childhood friends (and neighbours), any extra minute he got to spend with you meant a lot to him. 

You were attentive and smart, always promptly taking care of the team’s needs and giving out advice as needed. Your presence alone sometimes helped boost the team’s morale. 

Water was running low? You had already prepared new bottles for the boys long ago before they even noticed they were running out. 

There was a spot on the court that seemed a little slippery? The next thing Yaku knew you were ready to swoop in with the mop to clean it up. 

The team needed extra balls for practice? There was nothing to worry about because you would have a new basket of volleyballs ready by the side.  

You were talking to Yaku halfway after practice when you excused yourself to find the coach for something. Yaku couldn't help but glance over at the extra bag he had seen you carrying around recently. You happened to leave it open, and Yaku caught sight of a pair of knee guards - specifically the ones he was using. Yaku didn't want to peek, but he was too curious as to why you had that in your bag. He pried the bag open slightly and saw a towel as well as a pouch filled with first aid supplies. 

Perhaps you were playing volleyball too? 

When you came back, Yaku asked if you started playing volleyball too, referencing the items he saw in your bag. 

“Ah, no it's just emergency stuff in case you get injured. I've seen you getting many new bruises because of practice so I wanted to be ready just in case.” You replied softly, slightly embarrassed by the fact that you had been found out. 

Yaku felt his heart do about a thousand backflips. He was always under the impression that you cared for each team member equally, but now knowing that you put in a little more effort to look out for him made him somewhat flustered. 

“Ah, thank you.” Was the only thing he could splutter out.

There was a brief silence before he mustered up his courage to speak again.

“Would you like to go get dinner together after practice tomorrow?”

[cheeseceli]

Sides of SKZ they only show around their s/o

Pairing: ot8!skz × gn!reader (individually)

Genre: fluff and maybe a little bit of angst

A/n: idk if that makes sense and I'm sorry if it happens to be repetitive but ! I liked to write it so yeah. As always, not proofread

Bang Chan - He's Reckless

Being the eldest sibling, eldest member and the leader of stray kids, Chan became pretty much a parental figure for many. He's always looking out for everybody, making sure everything is okay and dealing with any problem. Don't get him wrong, he loves his job and the people in his life, but sometimes it's exhausting to take care of everything. When he met you though, everything changed. He feels that he can let go. He can be reckless and ask for attention some times. Because, for once, there's someone taking care of him.

Lee Know - He's scared

Usually, he is a confident and even cocky guy. With you though, he is scared. Scared that he might lose you. Scared that his job or personality might scare you. Scared that someone out there is better than him and you'd soon find out. He can't bear to lose you, he doesn't want to imagine a life without you in it. So he'll fight each one of his fears if that means you'll be with him till the very end.

Changbin - He doesn't care

I feel like he always wants to give people the right impression. He wants to say the right thing, behave the right way and hope people will be always satisfied. But suddenly he doesn't care that much anymore. Because he already managed to impress you and you're more than satisfied. Above all of that, you love him. People's opinions are not that important after all.

Hyunjin - He's aware

Always an artist, he knew how to appreciate the beauty in the world since a young age. But since he fell for you every moment seems like an epiphany. The autumn leaves are beautiful, falling with grace. The old lady talking to a kid brings tears to his eyes for an unknown reason. He realises how the breeze is refreshing and how he loves you dearly. He thinks for a second that maybe you're the one who brought life to this world, and he is so happy that he can see all this beauty when he's with you.

Han - He doesn't think

Most of the time, he's too self conscious about his actions and his words, like he needs to be super cautious with everything. Self doubt and overthinking is part of his routine at this point, except when you're with him. You're his safe place. Whenever you're with him, he just does or says whatever he thinks and is never scared you'll judge him, because he knows you never would.

Felix - He's protective

He has a kind nature. He usually doesn't look up for confrontation and is always gentle. But then you came to his life as the most precious treasure he ever saw and now he wants to protect it. Because you're the light of his life and he'll fight anything and anyone if that means you'll be safe. He would happily be your knight in a shining armour if you asked him.

Seungmin - He's vulnerable

Most people only see his "mean" personality or how he doesn't show a lot of affection towards others. We all know he actually is really caring but when it comes to you he's also vulnerable. He doesn't care if one can perceive him as "weak", and he's not scared of oversharing by accident. When he's with you, he's made of glass, but he doesn't mind as he knows you'd never break him.

I.N - He's perfeccionist

You're the best thing to ever happen to him and he is aware of that. He wants to give his all to you and he wants you to be treated like royalty. So he is always trying his best to make sure you're treated like one. He always wants everything to be perfect, because he believes that perfect is still so little compared to what you truly deserve.

Feedbacks and reblogs are always appreciated!

Dividers by @cafekitsune

[moviecritc]

easiest conversation ⋆ carlos sainz

pairing: carlos sainz x fem!oc (named Angelique)

tropes: strangers to lovers

summary: carlos and angelique sat next to each other in a tennis match in monaco, leading to an endless conversation.

a/n: english is not my first language, sorry for the mistakes and poor storytelling. maybe a part 2 if you like it?

masterlist

Everybody was focused on Carlos' future in Formula 1, he tried so hard to not be worried about it, but every thing he does, the media somehow made it about his career as a driver. So, at the end, he couldn't do anything except being worried too. Many what ifs were in his mind anytime he thought about it.

The past weekend wete the Masters of Montecarlo, a tennis match, and taking advantage of the fact that he was in the city and most of he's teammates were also watching it, he attended as well.

Carlos didn't have the opportunity to talk to any of them, they were seated in different places in the public. Either way, seeing George, Charles and even Lando with their partners made him feel a little bit more miserable than he already felt. No seat and no girlfriend, that's not a very cool situation to be involved.

And there's even more, he doesn't even know a shit about tennis. He played paddel a few times with Lando, but tennis? He had no idea. So he just sat there, gasping when other people gasp and checking his phone once in a while.

"You seem lost," someone said.

Carlos lifts his head that exact moment, connecting looks with a light brunette that was looking at him above her sunglasses.

"Are you talking to me?" he asked, totally confused. Since when that woman was sitting by his side?.

"Yes. You look bored, maybe you just need someone to explain tennis in a cool way," she smiled. A beautiful smile.

Carlos also smiled a bit, in a weird way. Sometimes he forgots that there's people who can effortlesly talk to strangers in a cool and mysterious way. This woman was one of them.

"Yeah, sure. If you can,"

"If I can?" she seemed dramaticly offended. "You don't think a woman can explain tennis to you, man?"

"Oh, no, no, no. I didn't mean it in that way," he said quickly. "Please, go ahead."

She smiled and started explaining all about tennis in the most interesting and funny way possible.

"How do you know so much about tennis?" he asked.

"Well, I'm a tennis player," she explain. "I thought it was obvious."

Carlos noded a bit, noticing a few mobile phones and cameras pointing at them. He didn't realised it until now, and now he was wondering how many pictures and videos of him and that woman would be around the media.

"Uh, well... I mean, I have no idea about tennis," he said, nervously.

"Yeah, I could tell that," she laughed and she infected Carlos with the laughter. "I'm Angelique, by the way."

"Beautiful name. I'm Carlos," they shaked hands with smiles in their faces. He saw some redness on Angelique face after he complimented her. "So you are a tennis player?"

"Yeah." she simply answered.

"Are you good?" Carlos didn't want the conversation to die.

"I try to be," she said. "I'm fifth in the Women's Tennis Association, I don't know if that's enough for you."

Angelique pursed her lips, making a funny face that made Carlos smiled.

"That sounds really good," he said, truly impressed. They were both athletes, maybe that's why it feels so easy to talk to her.

"What about you?" she asked, raising her eyebrows.

"I'm a race driver,"

Angelique raised even more her eyebrows and wide-opened her eyes "Ok, that is so fucking cool!" she remarked. "Which team do you drive for?"

"Ferrari, but..."

"No way! That's even cooler!" she boasted. "I mean, I have no idea about Formula 1. But Ferrari? That is cool guy material, undoubtedly"

Carlos was too invested in Angelique's voice and eyebrow game that wasn't able to tell her that he isn't staying in Ferrari for too long. But they've just met, and being unemployed isn't something to say to someone right off the bat.

He realised that it was the first conversation in a while that he didn't have to mention anything about his future in Formula 1, another reason of him being this comfortable around Angelique.

"And, how did you became a tennis player?" Carlos asked, leaning a little bit to her.

Now, she was focusing on the ball and the movements of the players.

"My brother used to use me as a ball picker when he played tennis, then he broke his arm and I kept his racket," she explained without divert her eyes from the field.

"He stopped playing tennis after that?"

"Well, yes. When he could come back, he was too old and unexperience to achieve something," she said. "But he wasn't very good anyways."

They both laughed and Angelique take off her sunglasses so she could see Carlos better.

"Have you won something in tennis?" he curiously asked.

"Yeah, of course. Matchs and all those things,"

"Have you beaten Serena Williams?" he wondered, with a smirk.

"Not yet," she admited. "But I've won against people who beat Serena."

She smiled proudly. The match was about to end, and none of them were paying attention to it.

"Okey, that's pretty awesome," he said.

She crossed her legs and accomodated her long brown hair to one side, which left Carlos eyeing her in a romantic way.

"And you? How someone decides that he wants to drive really fast cars?"

"My father has been involved in motorsports for a long time,"

"It's always a family thing, don't you think?" she said. "It is hard to find someone who started in sports by themselves."

"It is!" Carlos agreed with her.

He was going to say something else, but they announce the end of the match, everybody standed up to give an applause. Both of them copied the rest of the people.

"Wait, who won?" Carlos asked, totally confused.

Angelique lean into him, whispering "I've no idea,"

They laughed and kept applausing. That was the end of the match and the end of their conversation. Angelique's agent rapidly came to her to take some pictures with the winner.

"Wait, wait," she insisted to her agent and then walked close to Carlos. "It was lovely talking to you, Carlos,"

"Same, Angelique. You seem an interesting person," he complimented. Carlos was willing to ask her for her number, or something.

"Are you coming to the finals tomorrow?" she asked, praying for a yes.

"I don't think so... I have a race soon in China,"

"Oh," she seemed disappointed. "Well, good luck for your race and..."

"Can I asked you for your number?" he said unexpectedly.

"Yes!" she realised that maybe she was too effusive, so she lower her tone. "I mean, yeah, sure. If you want."

Carlos laughed and Angelique did it too, in a more ashamed way. He gave her his phone so she could write her number.

"There you go," she said and her agent was already near her to leave the match. "Text me!"

Carlos laughed and waved at her, when he looked at his phone, he could do anything but laughed again. Angelique saved her as "That cute girl from the tennis match".

He wondered what was about that girl that made her so unique and easy to talk to her. Carlos didn't think about it very much, instead, he texted her right after she left the field.

[youmakethelight]

Dear AMC

Okay, so here's where I'm at following the David Zabel quotes released yesterday. I truly hate to be in this negative mindset and I wanted my tumblr to be a fun space only, but it's what I'm feeling, so I'm going to get it out. This is the most serious post I'll ever write (hopefully) so buckle up.

I'm not doing this because I don't want to continue to spread joy about caryl. I'm doing this because, if there's any chance, however small, that I can help to make a positive difference for the people I've come to care about, then I'm going to do that. This is because I care about female representation and empowerment. And because I care about what these stories mean to and for people, and especially people who relate to characters who have experienced abuse. Holding these characters' stories is a responsibility and those who do so need to be held accountable for how they do it.

I'm going to talk a lot now, but it's going to mainly be about Melissa, Isabelle's character, David Zabel, Greg Nicotero, and the idea of romantic caryl. I'm going to try to break it up into sections just because it's so long.

Melissa

Melissa McBride snuck up on me. I started watching TWD a couple of years after it first aired and like many, I fell for Daryl as a character. I observed his chemistry with Carol and always thought their relationship was something special. But like many, I gave up on the show around season 6/7. When TWD was released on Now TV in the UK this year, I decided to catch up, and season 9 hooked me on #caryl. Specifically, I was mesmerised by Melissa McBride and I've only grown to love her more. It's been beautiful finding the fandom and realising that Melissa McBride is the beating heart of it. She might not have as many Twitter followers as Norman Reedus, but she is valued more than I have seen any actor and she honestly doesn't even have to try. Fans will support her for walking to a car. I like Norman but I love Melissa.

Melissa looks happier than I have ever seen her look and she is honestly the only thing that has been keeping me tethered to any hope that I will enjoy this spinoff. My hype has been 100% driven by Melissa and how she has spoken about being back. I've already paid for Carol merch, which is something I never do. And if it wasn't for the fact I knew she was coming back at the end of season 1, I honestly wouldn't have watched Daryl Dixon. After investing in their relationship over 12 years of TWD, I'm not interested in seeing Daryl solo travel the globe and find a girl in every port. I'd rather watch something else and pretend the spinoff doesn't exist. But since Melissa is here and she's happy, I've still been hooked.

Seeing Carol confront her trauma surrounding Sophia is something I have been wanting for years. Since I started watching TWD again this year, all you'd ever hear me say is "why does no one ever talk about Sophia?". So I am beyond happy that story is receiving a spotlight in season 2. And I sense this is what Melissa is happy about too.

Beyond that, I really feel like Melissa doesn't have much space for her own voice. At SDCC, she said that she's quiet on her EP notes because she's the new person. And David Zabel made a joke that she doesn't want to make him cry (hilarious). Of course, I have no idea what the reality is, but my gut feeling is that Melissa is happy that she finally had some control with her character's own story after 14 years. But I truly don't believe she has even been given the space to think about how she *personally* would like the caryl story to look, let alone what they choose to do with the other major female character's story. I think Melissa respects Norman and trusts him with that part of the story. She knows he's had more power with the other producers - he was there for all of season 1, it's his name on the title of the show, and he chose the showrunner and writers.

And as for everything else, Melissa has spent the majority of her career in a male-dominated genre, all of her most powerful coworkers are part of that demographic, and in response to caryl, she has been the target of misogyny and ageism that is ongoing today. If I were her, I'd feel I can only speak so loud for so long before someone feels I've stepped on their toes.

While I do believe Norman cares about her deeply, I don't have any reason so far to trust that he understands the nuances of sexism well enough to be able to make the calls I'd want him to make. I really feel that if he did, he would never have agreed to the half naked shipbait nun scene in season 1. On to my next section...

Isabelle, David Zabel and Greg Nicotero

I will die on the hill that Isabelle's story should never have been touched by any inkling of shipbait, because she is a dedicated nun. The idea of romance for her present day story (especially with the male lead) grossly over-simplifies the decisions that led her to become a nun.

I do personally feel that the isabelle-laurent-daryl surrogate family idea is *pretty much* just that. I think, personally, DZ is lying when he says that the idea of romance wasn't manufactured. I think he wants us to believe that what we see on screen is organic. Absolutely nothing about the half naked wound helping scene, the happy stares across rooms with a happy score, and the 'isabelle just woke up in hospital and oh look its daryl's crossbow he must have been looking over her' scene is organic. Those are manufactured. Until episode 6, I liked isabelle and I think clemence is great. But daryl and isabelle's chemistry is non existent. I honestly think calling it a friendship is a stretch. Maybe the god awful, problematic "are you going to do to laurent what your dad did to you" could have been forgiven if they'd genuinely had any compelling bond whatsoever, but they didn't, and at best, it came off as needy. At worst (and what it actually was) was emotionally abusive. The thing I have always loved about caryl is that they *never* guilt-tripped each other like that. I really hope Zabel knows that line was truly offensive.

So anyway, I don't know, I think DZ would have liked it to go romantic, but nobody liked it. And based on the way they talked about it at SDCC, I think Norman is set on the idea it's really all about Laurent, and Isabelle is just another adult who cares about the kid so he cares about her too. However, I do think Nicotero and Zabel are invested in the idea that Daryl is falling for her. Nicotero in particular is obsessed with the idea that Daryl's falling for her while he doesn't know Carol is on her way - I actually find him enjoying that idea repulsive. So, I think they've written some ship bait in there, but I think Norman's acting choices will be reluctant. So, as long as there isn't something physical between them, I think Norman and Melissa's chemistry can recover from it. But. Zabel (and Nicotero) are showing their true colours.

While we're on Nicotero. I recently discovered that he has spoken about supporting bethyl before. So, if that doesn't tell you everything you need to know about him and his idea of how women and romance should be presented on screen in 2024, I don't know what will.

Romantic Caryl

Finally, I want to address the idea of whether Carol and Daryl should or could add a romantic element to their relationship. Lots of people that I agree with have already written well articulated thoughts about this, including this by my-mt-heart. My personal feelings are these.

Carol and Daryl have built a layered, deep, and emotionally rich relationship over 11 seasons of TWD. Fans are aware of the romantic layers throughout the years, and even those who don't follow it closely can see the romantic potential. It would be a disservice to fans to let those years of layering and emotional depth fall flat. And frankly, so many fans simply won't follow. (And if you're worried about fans who don't like the idea not watching - well, honestly, I don't like Richonne. Love them both individually but I never saw the chemistry and it felt random to me. But I still watched them and cared about them and their story and I even watched The Ones Who Live despite cringing the whole time.)

The creative opportunities are huge. Carol and Daryl are not a stereotypical love story by any means. Their dynamic has been fuelling creative minds for over a decade. I would personally admire any showrunner/writer who steps up to the challenge. Alternatively, not bothering comes across as lazy and cowardly to me.

At this point, there's absolutely no doubt in the audience that Carol and Daryl are soulmates. Their happy ending has been an important theme for a while now. And they are the characters that fans care about. Even fans who don't care about whether they have a romantic relationship agree that their idea of a happy ending would be with each other (and Dog). This wouldn't have to be romantic, but since we know that they are both interested in romantic relationships and have some romantic foundations together - why not? No other romantic relationship either of them could have is ever going to match up against Daryl and Carol's relationship. And why should they both be deprived of romance if they are both interested in romantic relationships? Who does that serve?

The idea that two people can so selflessly love each other for over a decade and end up together romantically is the ultimate bond of love. Suggestions that romance would 'cheapen' or 'ruin' a bond make me question what those people think romance means. It isn't the same as Richonne's romance. It's quiet and calm and careful. It's two damaged souls uplifting each other. So many viewers are empowered by that sort of story.

It would show that AMC are progressive and not ageist or sexist.

Final thoughts

I can't express enough how much I wanted to ignore all of my doubts about this spinoff because of Melissa's involvement and because I genuinely do trust her creative imagination more than anyone. But the comments by Zabel that were released yesterday have brought back the pit I was feeling in my stomach. I trust Melissa and I will always trust Melissa. But I don't trust Zabel. I don't trust that Zabel is doing right by Melissa or by the characters of Carol and Daryl. That doesn't mean that I think he's evil and doing nothing at all right. I just truly believe that we deserve better and Melissa deserves better.

I will give all of my hard earned cash and time to Melissa projects, but I won't do the same for Zabel, or even Norman without Melissa.

[casasupernovas]

so many harry potter fans completely erase snape's past and write it over to make him a snobby rich kid who speaks like he's a 40 year old count and i think it is so interesting.

because it proves to me that the reality of snape being a kid living in a poverty stricken and abusive household on spinner's end makes you all uncomfortable.

i sure know it made me uncomfortable to re-read the books for the first time and see all the comments about his greasy hair and sallow skin with the new knowledge that these were markers of his poor upbringing. we've heard the saying how being poor never really goes away. snape keeping these two markers as an adult is the author's way of doing it. he's an adult with a better income now but he never quite shakes off spinner's end.

he also stays there as an adult as a way to punish himself, if the front room described as a 'padded cell" is any indicator. he can't move on and he won't allow himself to, and dumbledore won't allow it either. it is he who twists the knife with harry's eyes and tells him this is the only thing he can do to prove he truly loved lily. despite you know, dumbledore apparently not believing this due to his shock at snape's patronus 17 years later.

both times in snape's past when he butts heads with petunia is because she insults his background, something he cannot control. she calls him the 'snape boy' from spinner's end, a clearly 'turn up my nose' moment. harry goes through most books referring to snape as 'snape' because snape is a bully and therefore does not have harry's respect. many times adults correct him to say professor. and his first name isn't said often. so this puts a distance to him, almost others him to this 2D character. but 'snape' is an actual person, with feelings and a past, present and future. so severus snape doesn't take kindly to people insulting his family which is why he claps back at petunia.

we also know snape is a muggle name, his muggle father tobias' name. we only find out in book 6 that snape is a half blood. because what wizarding family do you know with the name 'snape'. and prince isn't part of the sacred 28 either. when harry breaks into snape's memories accidentally in occlumency, seeing those three quick snapshots of his life, it's the first time snape starts to become a real person to harry.

moreover, 8 year old snape is described as dirty, unwashed, wearing clothes that are so mismatched it looks deliberate. he hasn't got clothes of his own, wearing an adults jacket and a woman's smock. snape's family either cannot afford to properly clothe or wash their child or they simply don't care too. when petunia insults him again, this time instead of his father she goes for his mother, as she points out snape wearing his mother's blouse, we get another example of underage magic as he causes a tree branch to fall on her.

now despite this, we know it is likely snape really did want to cause her harm due to her insult. snape already is shown to have poor social skills and snaps rather quickly at any point of animosity, but he was also raised in an abusive household. his father whipped him, and shouted at his mother and god knows what else. makes sense that an 8 year old responds to tension with either insults or violence, mirroring his home. snape is also very reluctant to talk about his homelife at all, ending the conversation very pointedly with "he doesn't like anything much." so it's not surprising that a child raised in this kind of environment would respond violently. even worse, he does it without really realising what he has done considering he looked confused when petunia and lily ran away.

on platform 9 and 3/4, snape is eager to get out of his muggle clothes and when put next to james potter, the stark difference between someone who has been loved and adored and someone who hasn't is explicitly put in the books. and lastly when snape calls lily a mudblood after being yanked upside down exposing dirty underwear, lily points that out. her way of saying 'don't you dare say you are better than me - im filthy? how about you wash your clothes.'

all in all, i think the fans write over this backstory because people do not want to give snape any sympathy. he's not the right kind of sympathetic character. he's an unpleasant adult who made terrible decisions. therefore his tragedy doesn't count. it's much easier to hate him when in your head, snape is a rich, snobby supremacist, rather than a penniless, neglected and woefully misguided teenager.

odd that peope can understand the impact of certain characters childhoods like sirius, regulus, draco or harry and how it affected their actions as teens and later adults...

but not snape.

in fact, snape is probably the poorest character in the entire series apart from maybe voldemort, although the orphanage didn't seem underfunded or anything. fans characterise lupin as poor but there is little evidence for him being poor as a child, more as an adult. i've seen people say this was because of the fact that his father worked at the ministry and arthur weasley worked there and he is not rich but the weasley's are poor because there are 7 of them living on one income. and we can assume lupin's muggle mother worked. if anything, lupin's childhood was comfortable but became unstable due to them constantly moving after he was bitten.

and that's pretty much it, we don't know too much about anyone else. the dursleys are middle class as are hemrione's dentist parents and while the weasley's are poor, they are not poverty stricken - ron never goes hungry. snape also never really adresses his muggle past either. he doesnt bring it up ever. for all his 'life is unfair', he never speaks about that part of his life, choosing to solely reference the marauders. and the two main bullies, james and sirius both being rich kids bullying the poor boy is not lost on me. especially when they constantly reference his greasy hair all the time.

poverty greatly affects a person well into adulthood and we see with snape; it never really goes away. sure he's well spoken now, and doesn't wear mismatched muggle clothing but the remnants are still there. in fact, one of the reasons he hates harry intially is because he thinks the boy has been pampered. quite unlike his upbringing. so i think it's telling how many people refuse to acknowledge its very existence or the how it shaped snape as a person.

because i think it all makes you feel really uncomfortable. why else would you ignore or completely erase it?

[sweetcarrotsandroses97]

Before You Go | MYG

Pairing: producer! best friend! yoongi x best friend! fem! reader

Summary: Life is taken for granted. People like to kill time not knowing it is time who is killing them. Love is not always a medicine, fate is always cruel. Or in which Yoongi realised his mistakes too late and was sentenced to live with an empty soul. There are times in which you can't always be there. He knew he was too late.

Warnings: ANGST, so much angst guys, medical terms, terminal sickness, argument, fainting, character death, more angst, feelings of guilt and desperation. (Let me know if I missed anything!)

A/N: Soooo, this was originally planned to be a drabble but it escalated so, hehe here it is! Also, I'm still working on the next part of Four Seasons. It'll be a long chapter so please bear with me.

Please let me know what you thought of this in the comments! I'd love to hear your thoughts on this one.

Word Count: 5.1k

"Three months at the most."

Said the doctor. You looked at him. No emotion marked your beautiful features. You blinked. A second passed. Then another and another. The world continued on its normal course while your sentence was already dictated. It almost seemed comical.

"There is, of course, a surgery we could perform on your brain. But I'm afraid it will only allow you to live for a year, year and a half if we are lucky. But it'd be dangerous. Even performing a biopsy is risky in your condition, Miss Lee."

You took a deep breath, your hand clutched your purse as it rested in your lap. The tickling of the clock was driving you insane, you wanted to leave your doctor's office, you wanted to run, to scream, to cry but your body was frozen in place.

A soft smile plastered on your face, the only reaction you could fathom at the moment.

"Thank you, Doctor Kim. I'll... I'll think about it."

He stood up, towering over you as he said with a nod. His hand extended to shake yours.

"Please, do so. Come in a few weeks if you start having headaches."

You nodded, shaking his hand as you also stood up.

"I will. Have a good day, Doctor Kim."

Your hand left his and you turned around to leave. Your feet carrying you out of the room that suddenly felt too small. You only wanted to go back to your flat and curl on your bed.

In a monotonous way you paid for the appointment at the reception of the hospital. Your eyes didn't focus on anything in particular while also noticing everything at the same time.

You walked slowly through the busy streets, the evening sun kissing your skin. The steps you took were automatic, you allowed your legs to take you home while in your mind there was only space for the doctor's words.

"Three months at the most."

That phrase repeated itself over and over again in your head. How you wished to just be home right now however, you decided to not take a cab, you wanted to enjoy the walk. Admire nature as you pass by the park and feel the sun in your skin.

Rarely did you ever pay attention to all those little things. Details that gave colour to your life. Details you were never able to forget. Not until it would happen and you'd leave this place. But you still had some time. Three months was too much.

Or that was what you thought.

~ 73 days later.

"You are hiding something from me!"

Yoongi exclaimed. Your heart clenched at the words coming out of your best friend's mouth. It hurt. It hurt to not tell him. For you to leave him in the dark. For him to think you weren't being honest with him.

You both had been friends for so long you couldn't count the days any longer.

"I'm not! Don't you trust me? We've been friends for so long, Yoongi!"

He sighed, wetting his lips as he tried to form words with his muddy thoughts swirling all over his head. He wasn't stupid. You'd been acting weird as of lately. You often gave him excuses of why you didn't want to leave your flat and when you both would go out he'd notice things.

He'd always notice when something was bothering you, when you were in pain, when too many thoughts were going on through your head. He knew you. Probably better than he knew himself.

All those little suspicions, the strange headaches you'd have only for later to vanish into thin air. The way you looked paler than usual, how you were overly tired.

He had noticed.

Yoongi would be a fool to not acknowledge the signs happening in front of his eyes. Yet his mind couldn't get a conclusion. Instead he was blinded by worry over you. Worry expressed as anger. As desperation. As frustration.

"It is you who is not trusting me, (y/n)! I know something's going on. And I will figure it out whether you like it or not."

"I do trust you."

Your voice sounded so hurt and small with those four words whispered out. Tears clouded your vision but you didn't fight back the moisture in your eyes. You kept looking at him in desperation.

Couldn't he just let it pass?

Apparently not. Yoongi was a stubborn man. If he wanted something, he got it. One way or another. But how would you tell him you were dying? How would you tell your best friend you didn't have much time to live? He had planned on taking you on vacation together after he had signed a good contract with a singer.

He promised to treat you to ice cream next Sunday. You promised that you'd be with him forever. You had been with him forever. In everything he had ever accomplished you had been there. You had been there to dry his tears and smile with him. to celebrate his victories and advise him during hard times.

You had always been there. Always by his side. Always in his life.

Did you have the right to take that away from him?

You were a coward. Yes. You knew that yourself. A part of you didn't want to acknowledge the fact that you were dying. And it hurt so much when Yoongi couldn't see further than his own assumptions. He didn't see you as someone he could trust anymore. He thought you were hiding something from him. Which, technically, you were.

Never in your life had you ever hidden something from him. That was why it hurt him so much when he realised there was something going on in your life that was taking a toll on you and he didn't know.

Yoongi ran a hand through his dark hair, his gaze softened slightly at the sound of your delicate voice. So vulnerable. So hurt. It wasn't like you to talk like that.

But despite his heart clenching at the sight of your tears, his next words cut you deeper than any knife could ever harm you. Not even the doctor's words three months ago had hurt as much as Yoongi's words.

"It doesn't seem like it. But if you don't want to tell me, fine. Take your secrets to your grave, I don't care."

Take your secrets to your grave.

If only he knew you were already standing above it. If only he had known those words had made your heart shatter in such a way you couldn't even fathom to say something, if only he knew there was more that met his sight.

If only he knew.

You didn't say anything. Silent tears were running down your cheeks. This was it. The tread you feared would ever break. He had broken it when you were already so sick, when your days were numbered. He had broken a friendship of years with a single sentence.

You were to blame too. If you hadn't been so scared, this argument would have never happened. This gap wouldn't exist. You are to blame too. You are at fault too. You ruined his trust, played with his emotions, wasted his time. All for what? So that you could keep a secret that would eventually come out?

But now it was too late.

Yoongi didn't want to hear anything else. You opened your mouth to say something. Anything at all. But the words died in your throat, shot down by his disappointed declaration instead.

"I'm leaving. I need some space to think."

Your hands trembled as they hung next to you limply. You were losing him. Yoongi, who was your closest friend, your best friend. The closest thing you ever had of a family. The man who owned your heart in more ways than he thought.

You lost him.

He wasn't going to intrude where he wasn't welcome. He wasn't going to push you. If you weren't going to trust him, there was no point in him staying in a place he no longer felt welcomed.

Yoongi turned around and left, not allowing you to say a single word. He wished you had stopped him. He wished you had walked over to him and grabbed his wrist, pleading him to listen. For you to tell him whatever was happening that made you hide it.

He wanted to know.

He needed to know.

Because his heart screamed a name he didn't want to recognise. His soul yearned for the touch of a woman he was yet to take into account. His mind was busy with thoughts of you. Memories of you. Plans with you.

But he didn't know what it meant. He didn't know what he so deeply desired. Needed. So he left.

Yoongi left you to yourself, your front door shut and you were alone. Alone for good. Left behind. Abandoned. Everyone has a limit and Yoongi has gotten to that limit.

He said he needed space to think. Space to be on his own. Time to think if your friendship was worthy of keeping or if he had to let it go. Despite the pain his soul would suffer and the wrecked heart he'd have to endure.

Sometimes it's better to just let go.

But he didn't know what he was letting go. He didn't know anything. Yoongi left without answers and you stayed with a broken heart.

It's been a week since that argument. There had been no calls or texts from Yoongi. And you weren't going to get in contact first either. He wanted space, you'd give him that. He wanted time, you'd give him what you had left.

You sat in front of your desk, soft rain pattered over the glass. It was calming. Soothing in a way. A pen rested in your hand as words were being scribbled down on a sheet of paper addressed to him. To Yoongi.

You were giving him all the time you had for him to come back. But just in case you ran out of it, you wanted to explain everything to him. He deserved to know. You realised that now. He had deserved to know since the very beginning.

But you were scared. You had been selfish. You chose to live in a fantasy when reality clawed its way through you, tearing you apart in your little safe world that you wish would come true. But wishes never come true. There are no happy endings for liars. There is no mercy to change your fate.

You put the letter on an envelope with Yoongi's name written on the front. It was a letter only for his eyes to read and his mind to comprehend. It was for his mind to keep and his heart to treasure. Only for him. Always for him.

You stood up, the destination of your bedroom in mind as you were feeling tired. It wasn't unusual these days. The naps you took were getting longer and longer. You knew one day you might as well not wake up again.

But fate wasn't that merciful. You took a step, a single step forward only to have a piercing ache in your head that made you hiss. You shut your eyes, trying to get it to pass but it didn't work. If only it only got stronger with each passing second.

Your hands clasped at your scalp, fingers pulling your hair in a desperate need of relief.

The realisation hit you stronger than a train. You needed help. And you needed it fast. You stumbled towards the coffee table, the only goal in your mind was to get your phone and call for help. Something was wrong. Very wrong. You knew it. You felt it. You couldn't ignore it anymore.

With a shaking hang you reached for your phone, you didn't even bother to unlock it as you pressed the emergency call button. It rang and rang and rang, the pain continued to increase, your vision blurred.

You prayed to the skies that the person on the other line would answer. It was your only chance. The last straw to life you clawed at desperately. But it rang again and again and again and you couldn't help thinking that perhaps this was it.

Yoongi came back from the bathroom in his studio, he had been working on some new beats he wanted to try out in the near future. He had been keeping himself busy with work so as to not think about the fight he had with you a week ago.

A part of him wished you'd call him or text him but he knew you too well. If he had asked for space you were going to give him that. This was probably the worst fight you two had ever had throughout your years of friendship

He sat back down in front of the large computer screen, putting on his headphones. Yoongi continued with his work.

It wasn't until out of the corner of his eyes he saw the phone's screen lighten up. He didn't have to look at it to know someone was calling him. He sighed, taking the headphones off and saving the file with his music before he blindly picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

But there was silence. No-one answered back and for a moment, Yoongi thought it was one of those scam calls he always blocked. But before he could hang up, his name reached his ear in your whispered voice.

"Yoongi..."

He knew something was wrong the moment the first syllable reached him. He frowned, leaning forward in his chair as he tried to listen to your voice.

"(y/n)? What's wrong? Are you alright?"

The fight he had with you vanished from his thoughts as they were clouded with worry for you. He was getting scared, never in your life had you called him in such a state that it made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up with nerves.

You whimpered, pressing the phone close to your ear. The pain in your head was getting stronger and stronger that you couldn't speak.

"(y/n)?"

Your best friend's voice came from the other side of the phone, if you hadn't been so blinded by the white pain pressing on your skull you would have noticed the concern in his deep voice.

"(y/n), you are scaring me, what's going on?"

Yoongi stood up from his chair, grabbing his car keys in a hurry.

"H-help me."

When you dialled your emergency contact you didn't remember you had saved Yoongi's number there.

Those two words were enough to have him bolting out of the door. The destination of your place carved in his mind as he left the building.

He kept his phone pressed to his ear as he ran through the studio. His heart was beating so fast in his chest he thought it would leave his body. Adrenaline pumped in his veins. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong.

The fact itself scared him, because that something had to do with you. He felt as if the building was larger than normal. Like in those nightmares as he tried to reach the exit but it got further and further away. This had to be a nightmare, right?

He heard your gasp through the phone unaware of the fact that you had fallen to your knees in your apartment, your other hand clutching your head in a vice grip.

"(y/n/n) talk to me. I need you to say something. Please."

Yoongi reached the door and pulled on the handle with more force than was needed. He stepped outside, inhaling the humid air as the soft drizzle tapped against his form.

"I'm sorry."

He yanked the car door open and got inside, one hand was on the steering wheel while the other still held his phone against the side of his face.

"It's alright, (y/n). I'm on my way, okay? Just hold on, I'll be there in a second."

But you didn't hear those words from him. There was a ringing in your ears that took hold of your senses, the phone slipped from your grasp as you fell to the ground over the soft carpet with a dry sound. You closed your eyes, allowing the pain to take you in its claws of darkness as you surrendered yourself to it.

You had been fighting for so long. A little nap wouldn't harm you. You slipped into unconsciousness with the last thought in your mind being: Yoongi.

The man who you were previously speaking to fell into a frenzy when he heard the sound of the phone colliding with your carpeted floor. The hand on the wheel tightened to the point where his knuckles turned white.

"Darling, answer me please! Say something."

But he could only hear your laboured breaths from the other line. He ended the call and threw his phone on the passenger's seat. A curse leaving his lips. If the circumstances had been different, he would have blushed when the nickname escaped his lips but he couldn't fight it in a moment like this. He couldn't help the fear, the anxiety, the stress, the guilt from controlling his mind.

From making him act the way he was. He pressed on the gas and accelerated into the street. Not caring if he got a ticket for the speed limit, not caring if he drenched the bypassers with his car, not caring for anything else other than getting to you.

Tears of desperation began forming in his dark eyes but he blinked them back. It was not the time to cry. Not now. Not when you needed him. Not when you were in danger. Not when you had called him to help you. Not when his heart yearned to have you, feel you, touch you.

Not now.

Yoongi arrived at your flat in record time. With his heart thumping in his chest and his hands trembling, he stepped out of the car. He didn't even bother to lock it behind him as he was already running up the stairs that led to your apartment.

He used his spare key, one he was immensely grateful you had given him. Not bothering to knock or to take his shoes off he barged into the place like a desperate man. He was a desperate man.

Desperate to see you fine, to find you healthy, for you to be alright.

But his world came crumbling down like a paper plane when he saw you laying over the grey carpet, your phone by your side. You weren't moving.

For a moment he couldn't move. The patterning of the rain against the window drowned him in an ocean of tears he was keeping inside his soul. The quietness of your flat wasn't normal, you were always humming to yourself, playing some music. Doing something.

But as he saw you laying there, limp and cold, Yoongi's heart shattered into a million pieces.

He was brought out of his trance by some miracle, he found himself at your side the next second. His hands wouldn't stop shaking as he pulled your shoulder to lay you flat against the floor.

"(y/n)?"

But you didn't react. It almost seemed as if you were sleeping. The rise and fall from your chest was the only indication to Yoongi that you had only fainted. The circumstances as to why were still unknown to him.

His hand cradled your cheek, trying to get a reaction out of you. Something. Anything at all. But you were long gone in the world of darkness.

In a mere second, he was able to recall your call with him. You sounded in pain. Hurt. There was something that had led to your current state. Something that needed medical attention.

His hands slipped under your body and he stood up; an arm beneath your shoulders and the other supporting the back of your knees. Yoongi walked towards his car in long and hurried steps. His heart was beating wildly in his chest. His stomach churned with nerves.

If you hadn't called him, how much time would have passed until someone eventually found you? He couldn't think of that possibility. He decided to focus on the now, on the fact that he had you in his arms, that he had found you, that you were going to be okay. You had to be. For his sanity.

The soft rain wasn't enough to drench you or him as he made his way towards his parked car. With as much care as he could muster and with some tricky manoeuvre he managed to sit you in the passenger's seat and strap you to it.

Your head lulled to the side and his hand, once more, found home against the side of your face. In any other situation Yoongi would have thought that you were merely sleeping. To a point you were.

Have you always been this beautiful?

He thought to himself before he shook himself out of those thoughts and walked around the car, getting into the driver's seat and speeding off to the hospital.

One hand was on the steering wheel while the other one clasped yours tightly. It was a way to ground himself. To ground his thoughts and remember that you were there, that you'd be fine. That you were with him.

If someone had asked Yoongi before today when he had been the most patient he'd have answered when he had to download one of his large files.

But now, now as he sat in the waiting room of the hospital waiting for news about you was the time when his patience got tested.

How he wished to just enter into the room where the doctor was checking you. He needed to know what was going on. What had happened to you.

He needed to know that everything was going to be fine.

In his desperation, he called one of his friends, Hoseok and explained the situation with a lump forming at the back of his throat.

"She'll be fine, Yoongi. She's a tough girl. I'm sure it's nothing serious but I'll be there in thirty minutes in case you need anything."

That was what Hoseok had said over the line. He had met you on a few occasions, more than a few to be honest. The sweet man came to know that you were a beautiful woman with a kind heart and he respected too much the friendship Yoongi had with you.

"Is anyone here for Lee (y/n)?"

A doctor said with a clipboard in his hands. Yoongi immediately got up. His legs carrying him to the man dressed in a white coat, his eyes were red with unshed tears.

"I brought her here. Please, is she alright?"

The doctor let out a sigh that made alarm bells ring in his head.

"You better come with me."

Yoongi swallowed yet the lump in his throat only got bigger and bigger with each passing second, with each step he took behind the doctor. He stopped in front of a door, presumably your room before he spoke, his tone professional with a hint of sorrow for the broken man in front of him.

"(y/n)'s condition worsened too much in the last week. I'm surprised how quickly it deteriorated. The tumour in her brain got to the amygdala, that was what caused her immense pain resulting in her to lose consciousness."

The tumour in her brain...

The tumour in her brain...

The tumour in her brain...

...what?

"What... what do you mean with "the tumour in her brain"? She... Is she-"

So many thoughts were racing through his mind too quickly he began to feel nauseous. You were sick? All this time you had been sick? Is this what you had been hiding? The doctor sighed yet again as he spoke once more, his voice sombre this time.

"I believe she never told you."

Yoongi shook his head. Too in shock to utter a word. He felt as if someone had stabbed him in the heart. He'd bet that a stab wound would hurt less than this. The sole thought of losing you was heartbreaking enough but he couldn't help but feel like shit when the argument he had on your flat repeated itself in his mind over and over and over again.

Like a broken record player.

In a mocking manner.

With sadistic intentions.

"I'm sorry you had to find out this way, Mr. Min."

A tear rolled down Yoongi's cheek slowly.

"Will she be alright?"

The world might as well end now because the younger man couldn't fathom the idea of existing. Not after the doctor's next words.

"I'm sorry. She was never a candidate for surgery, we detected the tumour too late. She isn't conscious right now but you might as well go in. I don't think she'd be able to hold on for much longer."

He hadn't expected that. He was supposed to be told you hadn't been taking your meals or you were dehydrated to the point in which you fainted. You weren't supposed to be dying. And what was worse was that he had never known.

For how long have you known of your condition?

Why did you hide it from him?

Why didn't you let him support you?

Yoongi entered your room without another word leaving his lip. He nearly collapsed at the sight of you. Pale and weak lying in a hospital bed. An IV tube was attached to your hand. Your eyes were closed.

He sat on the chair next to your bed. His trembling hands reached out for your smaller one. Why wouldn't his hands stop shaking?

"Why didn't you tell me, (y/n)?"

Those whispered words were meant for your ears only but they never reached you. You couldn't react to his stimuli even if you wanted to. your limp hand in his made tears cloud his vision and this time, he didn't hold them back.

"This was it, wasn't it? This was what you were hiding from me, right?"

He wished you'd just move, he wished you would open your eyes and gaze at him like all those times before. He wished he could hear your voice. At least one last time.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry for shouting at you that day. Y-you didn't deserve that."

If he could turn back time he'd make everything different.

"Please, (y/n/n). Please open your eyes."

If only he had been more observant.

"You cannot leave me now. Not now. Not like this."

If only he hadn't been so selfish and distanced himself from you.

"I cannot live without you, (y/n)."

If only he had been there.

"Please."

If only he had been a better friend. The best friend you deserved. The best friend you needed.

"Please don't leave me."

If only he had said the words when you could hear them. If only he hadn't taken your time for granted.

"I beg you, darling. Please don't go. Please."

Hoseok ran through the halls, the number of the room you were at was engraved in his mind for he knew Yoongi was by your side. His hand grabbed the door handle and he twisted it.

What Hoseok saw after opening that door was never going to leave his memories. A sight for his eyes to never forget.

Yoongi was grasping your hand so tightly his knuckles were white. His eyes were red and puffy as tears leaked from his dark orbs, like endless rivers of absolute and utter pain. The sound of his sobs reached Hoseok's ears. A flat line in the background.

"S-she's... she's gone. She's g-gone, Hobi."

Hoseok could only watch in horror. Never in his life had he seen Min Yoongi look so broken. So empty. Never had he cried in such a way. The sight was painful enough that tears made their way to his own eyes.

Yoongi's sobs were like poisonous arrows dripping with the blood of his wounded heart. An irreparable wound. Shattered pieces of his very own soul.

Hoseok took slow steps toward his friend until he was able to rest a hand over his shoulder.

"She didn't suffer, Yoongi. You were by her side, you allowed her to go in peace."

But those words did little to console him. He couldn't stop thinking about the "what if's". He couldn't stop the blame to gnaw at his already broken heart.

"I-I never told her, Hobi. I was a coward and I... I never fucking told her."

Hoseok's heart clenched at the pain laced in his friend's words. His pale hand grabbed yours with more strength, if that was even possible. As if he could prevent you from leaving him when you were already gone.

"I never told her that I loved her!"

Hi Yoongs, I hope you are alright.

How's life going on for you?

If you are reading this letter it probably means I am no longer with you and I'm so sorry that I had to leave you behind but as you may already know, I had no choice.

This was what I had been hiding from you. I am sick. Terminal apparently. There's nothing to be done and I don't want any kind of painful treatment. I decided to let go and enjoy what I had of time.

Please don't blame yourself. I chose not to tell you so that I could experience my life as it was. Normally and by your side.

I may not be there physically but know that I live through your memories. Please don't give up on your dreams because of me and go and do all the things you talked to me about. Fulfil our wishes. Be happy.

I wish you the best.

Thank you for being my best friend. And it is probably the worst way of saying this but I want you to know that I love you. I love you in that way. As in more than a friend. You were the best person that ever crossed paths with me, I didn't want to ruin that friendship.

I now realise that was probably a mistake. I loved you deeply. With all my heart and being. That was why telling you about my condition was more painful than it should have been. Because just as your happiness is my happiness; your pain is also my pain.

I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want you to say things out of pity. I didn't want that. I wanted to leave in the most normal way I possibly could.

Please know that I love you and I wish you the best in life. I won't be your friend all your life, let alone your lover. I won't live that long. But I will treasure your friendship and love you all my life.

I am part of your life but you are my whole life.

~(y/n).

July/30/2023

~Masterlist

Likes, Comments and Reblogs are really appreciated!!!

**☕Caffeinate me so I can keep on writing! ☕

[xjulixred45x]

EEEEE HEYYY!!! Im so happy ur request are open like omg my day has gotten SO much better!

Can I please get a Yandere Platonic Lucifer x Daughter reader? (Blue exorcist :>) As well as Yanplatonic Mephisto with daughter reader. ( blood-related. maybe with both readers growing up and realising how shitty their father is??)

We need more content with them and I loved your previous headcannon about Lucifer so- THANKSVSGFS.

Headcannons please :>>>

MORE PLATONIC YANDERE!! YESSS! and from Blue Exorcist! Thats a Plus! Deal!

Platonic Yandere Mephisto Pheles/Platonic Yandere Lucifer x Daughter! Reader

Genre: Headcanons

Reader: female

Warnings:(here we go) YANDERE BEHAVIOR, PLATONIC YANDERE, kind of infantilization, MENTAL DAMAGE, ISOLATION, Treats of violence, Manipulation, mental issues due all this, Mephisto is a psycho and Lucifer is NOT BETTER, LONG POST, I think is all.

Platonic Yandere Mephisto

He's a very difficult platonic yandere to have because you simply can't take him seriously and he can't take you seriously.

Mephisto is a case in which you know from the beginning that he is a screwed up father, and not in the "trash man" sense but in the sense that he has something wrong in his head and he knows it himself.

He is like the Mad Hatter in several ways. and you are Alice. HIS ALICE.

Don't get me wrong, of course he loves you, you are the Apple of his eyes, although at first he definitely only kept you out of a kind of curiosity to see how you would turn out once you grew up having been raised by him.

Would you be chaotic? His total opposite? A little of both? Maybe like Amaimon? As long as you weren't like Lucifer, he was quite amused by any outcome.

What he didn't expect was growing up to love you very fast. But he was pretty fine with it. Being your "Dad" was interesting for him and he did have fun when he did it.

And precisely although you interacted with him daily while you were growing up, not only did he raise you, but also maids and other services, it is thanks to that that you knew the difference between good parenting and what HE did.

He was not exactly bad at the start, just too chill, too relaxed, he was NOT an authority figure, but more than anything, this am

Although while you were little, there really were no Yandere tendencies other than the standard honestly.

to be somewhat unsettled, that already seemed part of his nature so it went very unnoticed.

That anyone who tried to hurt you would end up DEAD, even just children who pushed you or people who spoke slightly badly to you, was enough.

although honestly you didn't make the connection with your father and this for a long time.

simply because...it was kind of fun growing up with him? Look, the guy is a walking joke, a jester, the older you got, the more he wanted to interact with you, which led to certain pretty nice moments, like amusement parks, having tea, things like that, NORMAL THINGS you enjoy to have with him.

Remember what I said about him being the Mad Hatter and you being an Alice? You can bet he made that an official nickname for you and they even played "Alice's Underground Adventures in Wonderland" many times.

This, along with the fact that you couldn't really take him seriously, was what made you ignore its most deplorable aspects for YEARS.

that only got worse as you grew up.

For example, Overprotection was not as bad as in other cases (ahemahemDAUGHTER OF LUCIFERahem) but it was definitely annoying due to the absolute lack of privacy.

If you go to True Cross Academy, the contrast between your upbringing and that of your classmates is much more noticeable (apart from the fact that now you can notice more when someone you mention that you dislike disappears or something like that)

and when you mention it to your father or seek an explanation, you are only dismissed! as if you were a little child making up a story for his parents...

It is around this time that you realize Mephisto's unhealthy tendencies towards you, even when he tries to use the excuse that "that's how demons love" you know that he didn't used to love you like that when you were little....or rather malleable?

something is wrong with your father and you BOTH know it...

which obviously generated arguments where no matter what you said or what argument you used, he would always dismiss it by saying that he was the adult who was thousands of years old and that he had the last word over you.

All this not without first trying to infantilize you as much as possible, without success, luckily.

and it was... sad for you, because now you couldn't ignore these aspects of him anymore and know that THIS was really what he wanted.

He doesn't want a daughter, he wants an ETERNAL BABY...

He likes the idea of infantilization in the sense that it brings back good memories of when you were little, he wants to always have that and that's why he wants you to continue acting like that (if you are a complete demon it is a PLUS because you age more slowly and he can do it more easily).

another clingy one who doesn't respect personal space, although he will at least stop if you yell at him for a minute without breathing. although sometimes he prefers that you pamper him eg his dog form. don't question it. he's crazy

a great pamperer! Before all this happened, you used to love their gifts or at least they made you laugh because of how strange/extravagant/ridiculous they were, but now they just make you feel bought...

In general, the whole situation of seeing how your father is trash IS difficult.

However, it is not advisable to rebel against Mephisto, believe me, he will use his powers against you and it will be FOR THE WORSE.

I don't think he's above using his time manipulation to make the isolation that much more unbearable and distressing, even using his apparent ability to materialize things to make the experience a living hell for you.

He is simply not willing to accept that he is wrong. Yes you accept that it is morally wrong, but isn't that the fun thing?

You can't believe I'm still taking all of this as a game at this point, but not really, at least not entirely. Yes, it amuses him to see you all angry with him, but if you try something in his SERIOUS eyes he will get serious.

and that is honestly terrifying.

are you trying to escape? now the hallway is an endless loop, and time passes UNSUFFERENTLY slow. Again.

talk bad to him? He will laugh in your face, those things honestly don't affect him. He is already happy knowing that you are whole, healthy and safe (he would like you to be happy too, but hey, you can't do everything in life).

hurt him? Good try but no, you literally won't even land a hit on him, he doesn't find it that fun because you could get hurt, but he'll let you do it until you get tired. the baby has to burn energy after all.

hurt you? Yes, no, if necessary he will threaten to rip your arms off to prevent you from hurting yourself in any way or doing something worse, he doesn't mean it but for a moment he was scared by the possibility that you could REALLY do something like that.

Honestly, it was terrifying to see him so serious about something, ABOUT YOU. You almost thought he REALLY mean it if it weren't for the fact that HE TOLD YOU NO, he even scolded you for thinking something like that about him.

If he can't watch you, Amaimon does, and while he's not nearly as clever as your father, he definitely asks too many questions and eats too much.

When he is the one watching, he tries to talk to you casually, as if nothing happened. If not, try to remember old moments from the past, but really? it only makes you feel worse, you already have to deal with his current yandere tendencies and your little consolation is the good memories you have FROM THE PAST.

And now he wants to stain that little comfort you have because of a childish whim...? yeah, fuck off.

At least he has the decency to meet some of your demands, like entertainment or your favorite foods, who knows, maybe he'll let you out again if he's feeling generous one day. until then....

Platonic Yandere Lucifer

He's a suffocating platonic control freak Yandere, I mean, you can see it by how he has the Illuminati.

but you honestly didn't realize how fucked up a dad he was until you were a teenager.

precisely because Lucifer is a very manipulative and overprotective type of Yandere over you, regardless of how you have been conceived, you are the light of his eyes, the person he loves the most and the one he TRULY wants to keep safe.

I can see him having conceived you with some human or demon to see if he could use you for a cure for his condition, but he became almost instantly fond of you.

paternal instinct? He would have laughed unfunnyly before, but now it seemed very real.

But then he realized all the possible future scenarios that could happen to you. What happens if you end up with a weak body? Or with his illness? you wouldn't be able to defend yourself from the outside world.

Thanks to his paranoia, he ends up raising you exclusively in the Illuminati base, in a fairly comfortable but very lonely life, of course, maybe he lets you interact with the children of some members from time to time, but they are all terrified in your presence and have a attitude of total submission. You are Lucifer's daughter after all.

Also thanks to this everyone continued with the lie in which your father lived, everyone agreed with him, someone as precious and important as you should not leave and risk being devoured by the world.

(Can you imagine the members of the Illuminati's being platonic Yanderes for you too? ☠️ it would be the last straw but very much in character).

You lived a life very isolated from the world, but Lucifer tried to be an affectionate and attentive father as much as possible, to be better than what he had.

There were still good moments between the two of you.

Let's say you are a healthy girl, but you know that your father is not healthy, he lives in constant pain and sometimes they can't even get him out of bed.

So when one of those days happens, you sit near him and read him something that you both liked, that's how you used to spend the afternoons when there was nothing else to do. These were moments that you both treasured.

but at the same time he loves you like a demon, not like a human.

and normalizes any unhealthy attitude he has towards you as you grow up, you grew up thinking that all of that was NORMAL.

apart from the fact that he substantiated all these habits with half-truths and using his own love for you against you.

You know he loves you very much, si for him is easy to fool you (in the begging) to believe he would never do something that would hurt you BULLSHIT

Do you remember when he was more expressive when he cornered Yukio? I can see him doing something similar with you, being more emotional and expressive in order to manipulate you and get his point across.

not go out under any circumstances? The world is a screwed up place with wars and death everywhere, he doesn't want you to die, hun, you need to understand him.

not have privacy? Do you have something to hide from your FATHER? The demon who loves you most in the world and who would sacrifice everything and everyone for you? DO YOU HIDE THINGS FROM HIM? Either way it is impossible with the Illuminati's on every corner. Don't even try.

He is a master of emotional manipulation, but it is also partly because he himself is a little delusional, he believes he is right.

If you end his illness, he will be EVEN MORE obsessive and overprotective (is that possible??), I'm talking about CAMERAS IN YOUR ROOM TO "MONITOR YOU", not EVEN having a door as such, but a glass one, and he can STILL see Lucifer SICKER than in canon because it would make many resources meant to cure HIM go to you.

Even if you only have a weak body, at the slightest discomfort Lucifer acts as if you are going to die. it is not a joke. And besides, he would make you very afraid that the outside would only worsen your condition until you ended up like him.

He makes you a hypochondriac, basically.

At the same time, I don't think you'll start seeing your father's giant Red Flags until you start interacting more with the outside world or with people other than him but tolerate them (eg, Shima).

It's JUST THERE that you start to question everything. almost an emotional breakdown, because it means that there is a whole ENTIRE WORLD that you could have seen, A completely different and NEW LIFE but your father took that option away from you.

That same insensitive and seemingly cruel person is the same person who has loved you from the beginning and who believes that he does everything to protect you.

Do you see what I'm going for? He has a lot of control over you, even if you realize what a shitty parent and person he is, he makes you justify it based on your "good experience" being raised by him.

but I honestly don't think you could wake up from the "good dad" (or minimally decent) trance until the incident with Shima and Izumo.

NOW, I can honestly see Lucifer using Mrs. Kamiki as an example of "what would happen" if you were to get out of his sight (aka DISOBEY HIM), I can see Lucifer in general using others as cruel examples of what could happen. or pass you.

punishments never fall on you. but in other people so that you understand that, this is the consequence of your actions, YOU are to blame for this, YOU caused it because after all Lucifer would never harm you...

In this type of scenario, if you don't give up in, what he calls, the "revelde phase", he will simply continue bombarding you with horrible images or alien deaths until he breaks your spirit, but it won't hurt you one bit, you should be grateful for it. knowing what he can do...

(It's like he doesn't understand that not hurting you automatically doesn't make him a better father or more worthy of forgiveness, but hey, he's a Lucifer Yandere).

If he manages to mentally break you or you give up before then, he's the first to go hug you and comfort you in his characteristic clumsy and rigid way, but it's mostly because he doesn't quite know how to express how relieved he is that "you've come to your senses" and that you two can return to "normal"

But in general, Lucifer tries to remain very patient with you. You can insult him, try to hurt him, it doesn't matter, take out your anger however you need, you won't be leaving his sight any time soon.

He tries to make me see things "his way", explain himself, but the truth is you don't listen to him anymore...why should you? after all he doesn't do it when you CLEARLY want to LEAVE.

He would continue to keep you inside the Illuminati base, but he is not above using more drastic isolation methods to avoid an escape scenario (which he may not believe is possible because now you are always accompanied by a member of the CULT Illuminati's to keep an eye on you. or keep you company).

Something that remains is that when he is very sick, whether out of habit, Stockholm syndrome, or pity for him, you go and read him a story, not as happy and lively as before, but in a way it gives him a new sense of hope to Lucifer.

Maybe he can make you love again like before, to have those moments again where both of you were good. He wants to have hope...

the hope that they can fix everything once the plan is put into motion, that he can FIX YOU somehow. be happy again...

but until then, he KNOWS he can't afford to lose you, even if you hate him, if you fear him, it doesn't matter right now. just don't leave him...

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Thanks for the Request ❤️❤️❤️

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𝐈 𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐊 𝐓𝐎𝐎 𝐌𝐔𝐂𝐇: 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐓𝐖𝐎

pairing: kaminari denki x reader, (hanta sero x reader)

word count: 3.8k

content warnings/things in part two: gardening bashing, pet names, fluff, it's a mystery trying to figure out what's going on inside your best friend's heads, i use the words sofa and couch interchangeably, written with a chubby reader in mind (smut in later chapters/+18)

a/n: i hope you all enjoy part two!! i'm really excited for you all to read it and i hope you like it!! let me know what you think of this chapter ♡

i talk too much summery: it's terrible when you're in love with your best friend. it's terrible that he's in love with someone else.

<< previous | next >> | masterlist / check out my poll for this chapter!

Having the morning off is great for many reasons, sleeping in, spending time getting ready, maybe meeting with your friends and sleeping in again. Today is one of those days, where you can relax for the morning and not be in a rush to go out the door. You love being a hero but early morning patrols are the bane of your existence, so you start the morning of by waking up late and getting breakfast. Denki's already patrolling right now so you can't spend the morning with him, although lounging about on the sofa sounds like a good idea.

That's when you get a message come through and you know straight away it's from Hanta, he has a custom ringtone on your phone. One night when you both just graduated you went down to the beach together and played each other music until dawn. That was the first time he played you the song heat waves and now you always think of him when you hear it. That night he grabbed your phone and took a photo of you together, before changing his ringtone sound, pressing the record button and using the sound from the speaker. You still use that exact sound now where you can hear the waves and the sound of you laughing in the audio so as you hear the familiar notes of by glass animal and waves you open up your messages. 'Hey you're not patrolling right now, right? You've got the morning off?'

You briefly wonder how he know's your schedule but maybe you mentioned it earlier in the week. 'Yeah, have the whole morning off.'

'Cool, you wanna hang out?'

'Definitely. It'll be so much better than watching day time tv and napping throughout the morning.'

'Don't disrespect day time tv like that.' That gets a laugh out of you before you're arranging somewhere to meet and start getting ready.

You end up in a small cafe not too far a walk from yours, where you see Hanta is already there waiting and sitting at the back where you typically sit. It's not a very well known place as it looks fairly small on the outside but it's looks deceive because the inside is beautifully decorated. You've been told the owners daughter wants to be an artist when she's older, there's pretty little paintings in the corners or the walls and everything about the place just fits. It's delightful and you can't knock the food and drinks either.

Because it's so quiet you're less likely to be recognised which is also a big reason as to why you like this place. Fans coming up to you and asking to take photos or have signatures is part of the job but every hero deserves respite and you in particular are not the most charismatic, just wanting to do hero work and finding all the extra PR stuff boring and tedious. Most of your friends are more accepting to that side of hero work, but you lack the patience and charm for it, maybe Bakugou has rubbed off on you. You're just not good at it.

You are sitting across to one of your friends who is good at it and you're not confused to why. Hanta is one hero that people never have criticism for, he works hard, he's good at hero work, he's outgoing, approachable and magnetic, you're often in awe with him in general and how you have such amazing friends.

"Are you even listening?" You're thoughts get interrupted as you realise Hanta is grinning at you with this all knowing look on his face. Your silence answers him causing him to snicker at you. "Am I boring you or something?" In that moment you wish you were equally as quick-witted as him and be able to say something that would wipe that cheeky grin of his face, but alas you're not.

Sticking your tongue out at him, "yes." he laughs again which causes you to smile, all attention focused back onto him and your conversation. The next few hours are spent in the cafe immersed in one another's company, enjoying your time together. He's been on another failed date and every time there's an entertaining story to go along with it. This time he swears that the women he went on a date with must have been over ten years older than him and the only thing she seemed interested in talking about was gardening.

"I swear it's true! I don't know where Mina finds these girls who she swears are 'perfect for me'." The thought crosses your mind that maybe he should stop going on dates picked by Mina, they never end well but you think not to as the stories always make you laugh and Hanta has never told you throughout all of you knowing him if he even wants a committed relationship or similarly what his type is. For now you'll enjoy listening to his stories and maybe you'll have to ask Kiri at some point if he knows more about it than you. You know he has one night stands, you've seen people leave his flat and people leave with him after nights out at the club but he's never introduced a partner to you. "There's no way that she's our age, she's got to be like 40 AND then the gardening thing. The whole time she was talking about how often you have to water orchids and that you should put ice cubes on them. I'm telling you that just isn't true."

"How do you know it isn't true?" you interrupt, chuckling.

He pauses for a second before replying, "if it is true I don't want to go on a second date with someone who knows that fact." You laugh more, knowing that he is a hundred percent serious and that makes it all the more funnier.

You quickly glance at the clock hanging up on the wall opposite you, you're going to be in serious trouble if you don't get a move on. You've been so engaged talking to Hanta that time flew by. "Shit, I wasn't looking at the time, fuck." You grab your phone and throw it into your bag.

"Patrol?" Sero asks after checking the time.

"Yeah, I'm going to be late if I don't hurry," you respond, as you're getting up, starting to make your way to the door.

He gathers his things and slides his way next to you, "I'll walk with you."

With you walking as fast as you can and Hanta's long limbs you're bound to make it in time. Worrying less, you take a deep breath and remind yourself that you're not going to be late. If it's necessary you'll just get him to swing you there with his quirk.

You're both a couple minutes away from the agency when you're about to be heading your separate ways. You, on your way to the agency to get your hero gear on and Hanta across the road next to the agency to get back home. "See ya, I'll text you after work," you tell Hanta. Before you know what's happening he holds onto your wrist and quickly places a chaste kiss on your lips, "have a good shift, I'll see you soon. Yeah?" He says just as quickly as the kiss and he turns and heads down the road. That's never happened before but processing that can wait until after work.

It didn't wait until after work. During patrol your mind couldn't help but wander. You think maybe it was so fast you could have imagined it, or maybe it's likely that you're overreacting and thinking to much about it. It was just a quick kiss, a peck. Sure, Hanta's never done that before but you've been friends with Mina for years and she's surprised you more than you can count by kissing you quickly, unexpectedly grabbing onto your face making you keep eye contact as she swiftly swoops in and kisses you before saying she's about to leave whatever convention you're at.

Also every Christmas you and Kiri find yourself under the mistletoe together. The first time it happened it was awkward and you felt kind of shy however every Christmas after that it happened without fail, both of you gained confidence and took the kiss in stride and would find the whole ordeal amusing. It would feel strange if you didn't end up under the mistletoe with Kiri one Christmas, that does make it an odd pattern and a weird thing to happen but there are certainly plenty of worse people to be stuck having to kiss every year.

Like having to kiss Mineta, feeling his eyes staring at every inch of your body or Iida whose kiss you know would be to such a level of discomfort you wouldn't be able to look each other in the eye for days when seeing each other again. Or heaven forbid Denki, the man you love but know you can't have, you know that kiss would kill you. Stuck under there, with you feeling like he's being forced to kiss you while wishing it was someone else.

Maybe the kiss is like that, like it is with all your other friends. Simple. Either way it was a great kiss and though it was only a second it was a good second. His lips were soft and smooth and you could smell his pine and sandalwood cologne.

Your patrol feels quicker than normal, with you thinking about Hanta for most of it, either way you're going home and you're going to try not to think about it anymore, it's a waste of brain power. Luckily you remember what you said to Hanta before you left, shooting him a text while walking home saying how your shift was and you thanking him for a lovely morning, you can't remember who paid for drinks so you leave that bit out.

You make it home on time, to you there wasn't a time to make it on but Denki had a time. You and Denki haven't spent a lot of alone time together in the past couple of weeks and you've both noticed. It can't be helped you're both busy with patrols and work different times and different schedules and then when you have had time together it's typically with Kirishima and Sero so it's made him antsy, he misses you. He checked your patrol times for the week and made sure he was free, clearing his schedule for the time you finished work. He wanted to see you and make you dinner, just be with you.

You opened the door and five minutes later dinner would be served. Denki silently congratulates you and himself, even without knowing so your teamwork is impeccable. "I'm home!" You call out like every time. At first you didn't know if Denki was home or not but after a second you heard a clatter of pans and Denki distinctly say 'shit', you giggle before making your way into the kitchen. He must be concentrating pretty hard not to call back as loud as possible like normal.

Before you can even tease him about dropping things and being clumsy Denki turns around with a huge grin, "I'm making your favourite, go sit down." Walking behind him, and peering over his shoulder to see what he was doing exactly, your heart bursts out of chest due to the gesture.

"I can see that Denks. It smells really nice. Is it a special occasion or are you just trying to distract me and butter me up before telling me you broke the toaster again?" You ask half joking and half being genuine.

He laughs before telling you, "no, I just wanted to something nice for you, that's all." You heart warms and you try not to let it show, even though if Denki turned around he would clearly see you bashfully smiling and suddenly finding the floor very interesting looking down. "Go sit down or you're not getting any."

That gets you to move but not before you get a couple of glasses for you both and take them with you, replying a little snarky with, "yes boss." If it was anyone else you might have regretted doing that, people don't always respond well to the mocking or teasing comments you make but you know that Denki doesn't mind. In fact he always finds them humorous, every time getting a smile or chuckle out of him and pretending to be hurt by what you said so he gets you to make up for it in various ways. Even if he'll only be 'hurt' when it's his turn to do the hoovering or when he's feeling particularly tenacious and wants your attention, dragging you along with him to everywhere he needs to be that day.

You're on your way to the couch to sit down, most of the time after work if you're home late you'll eat on the couch, taking comfort over conventional seating but you're reconsidering tonight, it's not everyday you get to eat homemade food especially Denki's. Choosing the table you go over and you see that Denki has already made that decision with the table set. Not only is it set but he's put out your specific cutlery you use, you don't like using the bigger knives, forks and spoons so you have a couple of your own sets, he brought you one one day, you had only one but he brought the second set after moving in together in case the other set hadn't been cleaned yet. There's also glasses already on the table with a couple of options of both your favourite drinks. 'He really did think of everything tonight, huh.'

You sit down and place the glasses you carried to the side table so they won't get in your way as you hear, "foods coming, babydoll". You light up at use of the nickname, it's been a little while since you've heard it. He used to call you it all the time but hasn't for a little while, you would never admit it but you're glad he's called you it again, whenever you hear it you get butterflies.

The food really is delicious, neither of you are particularly good cooks but after you put your mind to something it's fantastic and this food really is. He went through all this for you and you'll love and saviour every bite. Even if it were burnt you'd still love it because of the time Denki put into it, you might've poked fun at him a bit though. You tell him how good it is and how your day has been while he tells you his. "I was kind of distracted during patrol if I'm honest." You say in between bites. "I was still on the top of my game though!" you rush out, tacked on at the end.

"I'm sure you were, you always are but what were you distracted about though?"

"It's nothing. not really."

Denki looks at you, not believing you for a second. "You may think I'll think it's nothing but that's not the case. If it's not nothing to you then it's not nothing to me as well. If you were distracted by something you've got to tell me, I've just made you dinner." He has got you there, it really isn't a big thing so there isn't any harm in telling him.

He's looking at you waiting for you to tell him, he's knows with you it could be anything. Maybe something like a philosophical question that you haven't gotten out of your head or a strange thing you saw while walking down the street, one day you came home rambling about a riddle that had you puzzled.

"I had lunch with Hanta, like I said I did, and before saying bye he kissed me. Like one of those kisses Mina gives everyone or when me and Kiri catch each other under the mistletoe."

He didn't know what he was expecting but it certainly wasn't this. You don't see Denki when you say you kissed Hanta, you're looking down at your plate getting ready to take another bite. You miss Denki's furrowed brows and his deep frown, it doesn't suit him. He tried to school his expression but that didn't stop his mouth moving, "he what?" You look up to see him and there's something about the way he said it that seems familiar. You can't exactly place what's strange about the way he said it or where you've heard him speak like that to you before but you chalk it up to confusion.

"Yeah, he kissed me. It just shocked me that's all, I didn't expect it," you explain.

"No wonder you were distracted during patrol! I can't believe he did that. You'll have to make him apologise." Denki says back automatically like it's the most urgent matter in the world, and to Denki right now it is. He can't believe Sero would just kiss you randomly like that, it's made you uncomfortable. The gall of him to put you in a situation like that!

"It's really not a big thing Denki! He doesn't need to apologise or anything." You give him the biggest smile like it's suppose to be obvious to him, that it's not a big deal but it doesn't stop him from thinking and just as he was about to say something else you start speaking again. "I'm so lucky to have you as my best friend Denki, you always look at for me but I swear this time you don't have to. It's just Hanta. It's not like I want him to apologise, it wasn't bad or anything, it was just surprising." Denki stays silent after that, you know he's protective of you, you just hope that doesn't lead him to talking to hanta about it and getting into an argument with each other.

"Dinner really was lovely Denks, thank you." You reach over to his plate and make your way into the kitchen. Just when you're about to wash up he comes up to you.

"I'll clean up tomorrow." Before you can object and tell him it's only fair for you to do it since he made dinner he's clutching onto your wrist and pulling you out of the kitchen.

"Denki what are you doing?"

"We're sitting down and we are going to watch a film."

"Can't that wait until after I clean up?"

"No." He picks up a blanket as he brings you both on the sofa and hands you the remote. Normally you sit close together or you end up next to one another because you're cold but as soon as you sit down Denki's dragging you next to him so your thighs are touching his and you're leaning against him as he pulls the blanket over you. "Put something good on babydoll."

You clear your throat, "oh, um yeah, I'll pick something now." You flick through what to watch seeing if anything in particular catches your eye. "How about wall-e? It's way better than any of the star wars films."

Denki chuckles and agrees with your pick, "it's still not better than star wars though."

"I beg to differ, it's the best space film there is."

"I don't know about that, hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy exists and there's alien too."

"Hush, wall-e is the best film that's ever been made." He's about to rebuttal but the words die on his tongue as he sees you look up at him pouting.

He pulls you even closer to him, where you're practically laying on his chest, "whatever you say doll." You play the film as you move to get comfier and pull the blanket more so it's covering your whole body.

You watch together as he cracks jokes and asks you questions and your opinions about specific scenes. It's so warm and cosy next to Denki. You can smell the citrus shower gel he uses and the faint dark chocolate smelling fragrance from his cologne that Todoroki gave him one year as secret santa, it was incredibly obvious it was from him, he basically told him. Denki now buys it whenever it runs out, he fell in love with it, he must be on his tenth bottle by now, but you're not entirely sure though.

You hear his breathing and it just all feels right, it's so cosy that halfway through wall-e you've fallen asleep. Denki realises you've fallen asleep nearly instantly by the way you didn't respond to his last joke, he looks at you and see's that your eyes are closed and fluttering occasionally, he wonders what you're dreaming about. Denki holds you tighter, wrapping his arm around your plush waist, making sure that you're comfortable and that you're warm enough. You get cold so easily. He watches the film with you in his arms and he's so thankful that neither of you were busy tonight.

Thinking about being busy he pulls out his phone, careful not to wake you, and reluctantly checks his phone, hoping that nothing important comes up. He sees a few messages from the group chat and a couple sent to him directly but nothing that demands his attention more than tonight with you so he puts his phone back down.

You wake when you feel Denki shoving his phone back in his pocket, blinking your bleary eyes trying to wake up. Hopefully Denki is unaware that you've been asleep but you know that isn't the case as you pretend you've been awake the whole time and he laughs. "I really was awake."

"Sure, I totally believe you."

"It's not my fault, I was relaxed and comfy. Sleep is important."

"Awe, ' you saying I'm cosy?"

"Go away Denki."

He chuckles as the credits roll. "Sleep is important, and that's why i'm telling you to go to bed. It's late and after the best dinner of your life I'm sure you're tired." you giggle but don't disagree or argue. "I know I'm better to sleep on than the bed but you've got to." he grins at you. you wish he wouldn't say things like that, you're tired brain can't help but imagine you asleep on him again, only this time you're in your own bed.

" 'kay i'll go to bed, but my bed is the best to sleep on," you respond tiredly.

"What else have you slept on?"

You ignore this but it still makes a sleepy smile creep on your face, "night Denks."

"Yeah night 'doll."

You waddle into your room and close the door and drift off to sleep thinking about sleeping next to Denki, while Denki's in the kitchen washing up the dishes just in case you wake up before him and do it yourself, he highly doubts that he would sleep in or that you would wake up early, but just in case.

[sihtricfedaraaahvicius]

Note: welllllllll..... there he is again; our hot mechanic. Here is part 4!

part 1 - part 2 - part 3

Warnings: angst/fluff. mention of crash, suggestive, hint of PTSD.

pairing: Modern!Sihtric x you (f)

summary: Sihtric got to leave the hospital, and now it's up to you to look after him.

wordcount: 3,3k

Masterlist

'I can't believe I lost most of my muscles.'

********************

'Come on, baby,' Sihtric said, 'pull.'

'I can't just pull, I will hurt you.'

'No you won't, just pull the damn thing.'

'Sihtric, it's too tight!'

'It's not!'

'I can't get it off!'

'Just do it quickly!'

'Sihtric, you're too big!' you huffed, 'how did you even get this on in the first place?'

'The nurses helped me,' Sihtric shrugged.

'Look, I'm not a nurse, I can't get this off you without breaking another bone.'

'Fine,' he sighed, 'just get the scissors then.'

It must have been a tragic sight, you cutting your way through Sihtric's sweater to get it off him. It was simply a mystery to you how the nurses had gotten him into it, with his fractured shoulder and his arm in a cast. 

Sihtric gave you a pained face when you finally held the cut up sweater in your hands.

'That was a limited edition,' he mumbled.

'Well, I'm sorry,' you sighed.

Sihtric suddenly chuckled. 'Already bickering and it's only the first day.'

'I will not last another, I fear,' you joked.

'What is it?' 

Sihtric had only been discharged from the hospital earlier today, with a wheelchair while one arm was still in a cast. And the man was a whole hazard.

He burned his hands twice in five minutes while using the oven once back home, still having no sensation in his fingers, and you quickly realised he could not move safely around the house on his own. You hadn't planned on really staying the night, but he clearly needed the help, and you had managed to get a few weeks off work anyway. Finan had helped move the bed downstairs before he had to go to work again, and Sihtric had already made it very clear that he wanted you to sleep in bed with him.

And you didn't mind at all, but to get him ready for bed was not as simple as you thought. After the sweater disaster, you finally got to change into your pyjamas, and you helped Sihtric out of his wheelchair, onto the bed. You were about to get under the covers when you noticed he kept staring at you without moving.

'Can you help me take my sweatpants off?'

'Really?' you snorted and blushed, 'because I'm pretty sure you can do that on your own?'

'No, I need help, lady,' Sihtric said slyly.

You sighed and shook your head, 'You're really going to take advantage of this, aren't you?'

Sihtric didn't answer but his grin told you what you already expected.

'You're lucky you're so damn cute,' you huffed and pulled his sweatpants down, pretending you were very bothered by it.

'Thank you,' he said quietly with a shy smile before he tried to get comfortable in bed.

'It's all good,' you smiled, brushing your fingers through his soft, short hair.

'Thank you, baby,' Sihtric suddenly said again, sincerely, 'I- I don't think many people would do this for someone they only recently met, I mean,' he paused, 'it's quite a thing to look after an injured person. And I feel I am asking a lot of you. So, I- I'm sorry for that… I really am. But I can't lie, I'm also really happy that you're here with me.'

'It's okay,' you smiled, 'it wouldn't feel right if I just turned my back on you now. And, well, I… like you too much to just leave.'

'I like you too,' Sihtric smiled and carefully sat back up again. 

He placed his hand on the back of your head, leaning his forehead against yours, and closed his eyes as he nuzzled your nose, 'I really, really like you, baby,' he whispered. 

And it was only seconds after he kissed your lips that the torturous desire you felt when you had kissed the first time came right back at you.

'One more,' Sihtric demanded with his sweet smile after each peck, making you lay down with him, and you lovingly kissed until you both dozed off.

*******************

'Sihtric?' you quickly switched on a light and reached out to the man next to you, who was sweating and twitching, murmuring in his native tongue as he hissed in pain. You shook his undamaged shoulder as hard as you could, figuring he had a nightmare, 'hey! Hey, wake up!'

As you got no reply, you sat back with your hands in your hair, thinking what else you could do to wake him up without hurting him in any way, while he groaned in pain as he trembled. You looked around you, bewildered, when suddenly a car outside honked loudly, causing Sihtric to abruptly scream out with a low, heavy grunt as he nearly jumped out of his bed, after which he groaned in pain. Sihtric gasped for air as he turned to look at you, his face just as frightened as yours. And without thinking he reached out for you, feeling absolutely terrified after the car had woken him from his nightmare, about his crash.

'Hey,' you whispered, holding him carefully in your arms, 'it's okay, babe. That car is far away and outside. You're safe, I promise.'

'I know,' Sihtric sighed, on the verge of tears, and he flinched when that same car outside honked again.

'Sihtric,' you whispered, taking his face in your hands, 'how did you sleep in the hospital? Did you have nightmares there too?'

'They… they basically drugged me to sleep, I don't remember having any dreams or nightmares while I was there.'

He closed his eyes and squeezed your arm, rather hard again, without realising it.

'Hey, you're… you're hurting me,' you said cautiously, not wanting him to freak out right now, like he had done in the hospital some time ago. 

Because now there was no one here to help you. But Sihtric quickly pulled his hand back and looked away from you, ashamed.

'I'm sorry, baby,' he whispered, 'I just… wish I- I could feel you. I need…' he inhaled sharply and shook his head.

You gently took his face in your hands again and kissed his lips.

'You can feel me,' you said, kissing his lips again. 'I'm right here, baby,' you softly kissed his chin, his jaw and then his neck, making him let out a sudden moan. And he laid back down, letting his head fall back onto his pillow.

'Please,' Sihtric whispered as he felt your lips trailing all the way down from his throat to his waist, 'oh, please, baby,' he begged as his breathing quickened.

'Can you feel me?' you asked after you kissed just above his hip.

'Y-yes,' he almost cried out, 'baby, will you… will you… can…I-,' Sihtric looked at you and swallowed hard, desperate for only one thing right now, but too ashamed to ask.

'Suck your…' you guessed with a chuckle, to which Sihtric broke out in a laugh too. 

He blushed, and tried to look away from you.

'Y-yeah?' he asked shyly, 'would… you?'

'If you promise you keep your hands off me,' you smiled just as shyly. 

You truly did not want to find out how painful his grip would become when you pleasured him, while he still couldn't feel you in his hands.

'I promise,' Sihtric was quick to say.

'Okay, good,' you smiled. 

And you made sure Sihtric felt you that night. And as he had longed for you so badly, he had no control whatsoever over his desperate moans and grunts while he truly felt you.

****************

Sihtric had been staring at you for nearly an hour before you finally woke up. He could've nudged you awake, but he thought you looked too beautiful in the morning sun to be disturbed. And he couldn't believe he was lucky enough to have met you, let alone to have you in his bed, and waking up next to you.

'Hey,' Sihtric smiled when you blinked a little confused at him.

'Hey,' you chuckled, remembering where you were, with who you were and also what you had done the night before. And you blushed a little when it all came back to your memory.

'I, ehh,' Sihtric said and grimaced, 'I need to go to the bathroom… for a while already…'

'Oh,' you jumped up, 'why didn't you just wake me up?'

Sihtric shrugged with a shy smile and you helped him to his wheelchair, to the bathroom.

You quickly got dressed and told him, through the bathroom door, that you were going out for some groceries. Sihtric said he was going to take a shower, since he was in the bathroom now anyway, and you told him to call if he needed anything.

*****************

Your trip took longer than expected, but Sihtric didn't call, so you didn't worry, until you got back to his house.

'Sihtric?' you frowned as you didn't see him in bed or on the couch.

The bathroom door was open and the air was a little damp, so you knew he had showered.

'Sihtric?' you called out again, concerned.

'H-here,' he said softly, his voice coming from the bathroom.

You rushed over and found him on the floor, with a new bruise on his face.

'Oh, my god. Are you okay? What happened?' you asked and cupped his cheeks.

'Yeah, I… I thought I could make it back on my own, but I guess my legs aren't that strong yet,' he sighed, looking up at you and he smiled softly, 'I fell and hit my head against the door handle, but I'm okay, I promise.'

'How long have you been here?' you asked and quickly got his wheelchair.

'Shortly after you left…'

'Babe!' you almost yelled, 'why didn't you call me?'

'My… my phone's on the bed,' Sihtric smiled sheepishly.

'Oh, god,' you sighed, pouting, 'you helpless little bird,' you pecked his bruised cheek, 'come here.'

******************

The next few weeks went by fast. Sihtric improved slowly but surely, and he finally got rid of the last cast; his arm was free again. You were happy, and so was the hot mechanic, but back home, he frowned at his shirtless body in the mirror while leaning on his crutches.

'I can't believe I lost most of my muscles,' Sihtric complained, looking down at his recently freed arm.

'Babe, you almost died, and you're complaining about your abs and biceps?'

You rolled your eyes. He still looked more muscular than any other man you met before, but Sihtric clearly thought it wasn't a good look.

'Well, I worked hard for those,' he huffed.

'And you will be able to do that again, I'm sure.'

'I really look like a helpless little bird now,' he grimaced.

'No you don't,' you chuckled, 'you look alive, Sihtric, and it's a really good look on you,' you smiled softly and cupped his cheeks, 'and I'm so happy you're alive,' you said, tearing up.

And it felt as if suddenly every emotion since the accident came out all at once, and Sihtric held you tight as you cried, while he finally allowed himself to really think about the horrendous past weeks.

'I was so scared, Siht,' you sniffled, 'I felt so bad, I should've never… never asked you to pick me up that day.'

'Please don't say that, baby,' Sihtric said through his tears, 'it was my own choice. I wanted to see you after work, and I also decided on my own that I wanted to go back to you that night. I made that decision. Whatever happened after I turned around…' he sighed, '... it just happened. It wasn't my fault and it definitely wasn't your fault, sweetheart. Yes, it could have ended very differently…'

'I would have never forgiven myself,' you sobbed and looked up at him, 'I would've never gotten over you, Sihtric, never. I…,' you inhaled sharply with shocking shoulders, 'I- I love you,' you suddenly blurted out.

Sihtric stared at you, a crying mess with huge eyes. He took your face in his hands, dropping his crutches as he did, which caused him to fall down to his recently fractured knees, pulling you down with him as he groaned in pain once he hit the floor.

'What?' he whispered, bewildered and in pain, trying to feel your face in his hands as gently as he could, 'what- what did you s-say?'

'I love you,' your voice trembled, your hands moving through his hair, 'I- I love you. Sihtric, I love you.'

'No,' Sihtric whispered, confused, 'are you… are you sure?'

'What?' you laughed as you cried, 'yes! Of course I am sure-'

Before you could finish your sentence, Sihtric pulled you in for a kiss. His hands trembled as he held your face, carefully, and he kissed you in a way you had never been kissed before. Pouring all his love and bottled up feelings out by simply capturing your lips in a passionate kiss.

'I love you,' he said, hoarsely, kissing your lips again, 'I love you, baby, so much,' he said in between kisses and sobs, 'you're my girl. You're mine, little lady.'

'I love you too,' you said, feeling yourself tear up again as you wrapped your arms around his neck, 'I love you so much.'

And the endless exchange of 'I love yous' continued for a long time that night.

********************

A few days later Sihtric had dragged himself to the kitchen, where he suddenly let out a yelp.

'What?' you jumped up from the couch, 'what is it? Are you hurt?'

'No, Sihtric stared at his hand, 'actually… yes?'

'What?' you ran over to him.

'I…I burned… I burned my h-hand?'

'Again? Baby,' you sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose, 'I know you don't feel a thing but you-'

'No, no,' he interrupted you, 'I- I felt it. It hurted. Only slightly but…'

'You felt it?' you gasped, 'are you sure?'

'I think so?' Sihtric furrowed his brows, looking at his hands, 'hm… no, I… I definitely felt something.'

'Oh my god,' you said and grabbed your phone.

You were quick to call the hospital, telling them what had happened and asking what to do now. They told you they can't help him at the hospital, so there was no need to come back. 

The nurse on the phone did however give you a few ideas on how to and try stimulate the sensation in his hands and fingers, and you couldn't deny you were quite eager to try those ideas.

***************

'Okay, so what are we doing?' Sihtric frowned after you had lured him onto his bed.

'The nurse,' you said, 'she gave me some ideas to try and stimulate any sensation in your hands and fingers. It's also a way to test if you truly feel things again, or if it was just a random moment earlier today.'

'Okay,' Sihtric said, 'so… why is there a blindfold?'

'Well,' you chuckled, 'the idea is to blindfold you, if you are up for that, and I have a cup with warm water and a cup with cold water. The idea is to wet your fingers individually to see if you can feel the temperature.'

'Really?' Sihtric had to laugh, 'I mean, sure, go ahead,' he said and pecked your lips before he sat back.

'Not too tight?' you asked after you blindfolded him with one of his ties.

'No, it's fine,' he smiled, '... baby?' 

'Yeah?' 

'One more?'

You chuckled softly and leaned in to kiss his lips.

'I love you,' you whispered.

'I love you too.' 

The idea was to take his hand and slowly dip his fingers in the cups with water, but you couldn't help making it a little spicier, which you thought Sihtric wouldn't mind either, he just had no idea what you were up to.

'Are you ready?' you asked.

'Mhm,' Sihtric hummed as you took his hand.

'Remember, you have to tell me what you feel, okay?'

'I will… if I feel something.'

You took a few sips of warm water, kept it in your mouth and brought his hand up to your face, seeing Sihtric frowned a little, but he said nothing. You grinned, after swallowing the warm water, and brought his index finger into your mouth, gently, to which Sihtric immediately tensed up.

'B-baby?' he inhaled sharply, swallowing hard as he felt your warm tongue against his digit, 'what- what are you… what are you doing?' his breathing increased rapidly as he faintly felt his finger slowly being removed from your lips.

'Tell me what you feel, warm or cold?' you smiled.

'W-warm,' Sihtric said, his chest heaving up and down, and he chuckled lightly.

'Correct,' smiled, and you repeated the same trick with one of his other fingers. Which didn't calm him down at all, but he wasn't telling you to stop.

You mixed it up when you took his other hand after drinking the cold water. A heavy moan escaped Sihtric's lips, as you took two of his fingers in your mouth, allowing him to feel a slight cold sensation as you sucked his fingers.

'G-gods, baby,' he moaned, 'what are you d-doing to me?'

'Can you feel it?' 

'Yes,' he breathed, 'faintly, but I can feel it.'

'Can you feel this?' you asked, bringing his hand up into your hair.

'Yeah, a bit,' Sihtric smiled and sighed, his fingers carefully moving through your soft hair.

'And… this?' you asked, with a smirk, after you had moved his hand up under your shirt, cupping your breast.

Sihtric immediately pulled off the tie that made for a blindfold, looking at you with wide eyes. And only a second later you found yourself underneath the hot mechanic, who was not in any way, shape or form ready for a wild night in bed. But you did find out that night that Sihtric was good with his hands… and his tongue.

******************

Another few days passed, and your time off work was over. In fact, your work had absolutely ruined your life on the first day already. And you slammed the door shut behind you when you got back to Sihtric'.

'What's wrong?' he asked, cupping your cheek while leaning on one crutch.

'It's work,' you sniffled, 'I… I have to… to leave.'

'They fired you?' Sihtric frowned.

'No, no, not like that,' you sobbed, 'I have to work abroad for two months, they have no one else with the knowledge to take on the job. I'm forced to do it.'

'What?'

'I don't want to go,' you looked up at Sihtric, 'I don't want to be without you, I don't want to leave you on your own!'

'W-where are they sending you?' Sihtric asked, trying to keep a straight face, but his voice betrayed him. He was just as upset as you were.

'France,' you cried, 'fucking France! I don't even like it there!'

'France?' Sihtric asked, 'but… I… for t-two months? When?'

'In two days,' you cried even harder.

'Two days?!'

'I'm so sorry,' you clung onto him, 'I'm so sorry, love, I tried everything to stay but… I- I can't fix it, I have to go… I need this job, I can't quit.'

'No, it's…it's not your fault. I just,' Sihtric sniffled, 'I just wish we had… we had more time.'

'Will you be okay?'

'Y-yeah, I mean… therapy is going well, I will be okay. But I'll… I'll,' he broke in tears, 'I'll miss you so much, baby.'

'I'll miss you too,' you bawled, 'are we g-good? I mean, is… you know, whatever this relationship exactly is… is it strong enough to survive t-two months of us being apart?'

'Of course it is,' Sihtric hushed you with a kiss, 'I love you, lady. And you're mine, right? You're my girl?'

'I am,' you wiped your tears, 'are you... are you my man?'

'I am, baby,' he smiled, kissing your lips again, 'I am all yours. Forever, and ever,' he pecked your lips,' and ever, and fucking ever, princess, I'll be your man. But promise me one thing?'

'What?'

'Don't run off with some French guy who repairs your sink or something, okay?'

'God, never,' you chuckled, 'never, Sihtric. No one compares to you.'

*********************

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[demodraws0606]

(Theory) Why Levi going to go do the laundry is important and the explanation behind the complexity of the murder

(This is a two part theory because I didn't want to make two posts about it)

After seeing many people theorize on how the murder could've happened (because I'm not really great at that part of a mystery), I've realised something important about Levi's alibi.

He went to do the laundry

As a person who already heavily suspects Levi, I wondered how this alibi was important as it's a useless thing to point out unless it became relevant to the case.

Which then made me think back to Teruko and Charles investigation of the laundry room

The laundry room has cleaning products, Teruko lists some (like bleach) but we can assume it probably has a variety of other products used for cleaning.

Which would be things like detergent or rubbing alchohol

But wait don't you get something when you put bleach and rubbing alcohol together ?

Now we know that the culprit had to have done an extremely complex mechanism to kill Arei considering the crime scene, which is paired with the extremely limited time (7:30 am as we know the letter most likely didn't say 7:30 pm considering the cliffhanger).

If that were the case the murderer wouldn't want Arei to struggle or make the process more difficult because if the mechanism were to be ruined, the culprit's entire plan would fail.

However, I want to get the first conterargument out of the way. That being : "Why would the culprit bind Arei's hand if she is already unconcious ?"

The thing is, the culprit had no certainty that Arei wouldn't wake up halfway through and again if she DID wake up it would ruin their entire plan.

Or it's simply possible that leaving Arei's hand or arms would've gotten in the way if they were just limping around.

Of course there is no strict evidence that chloroform was used, even if Levi is the culprit or not as we don't know if rubbing alchohol is even in the laundry room.

But it is a possibility especially with the evidence of the scuffed ground. If Arei was completely concious during the whole ordeal, wouldn't there have been more scrapes on the floor ? We know that even just rubbing your foot on it would leave visible traces. Even if she was concious and the culprit was just carrying her off the ground, it would still require a lot of strength especially with someone who would be struggling.

Plus we know Arei is known to give cheap kicks, she would absolutely try to attack the culprit's weak spots.

Using chloroform would simply make the murder more efficient and avoid Arei tripping the culprit up.

So that would explain if Levi is the culprit, why he would go to the laundry room.

____________________

Now, let's move on to another burning question that everyone has, even when they think Levi is the culprit. What is the reason behind the method of murder

First, I do want to point out that I'm going with the theory of how the murder happened made by 1moreff-creator as I think that it's so far the theory that makes the most sense (so if you don't know what I'm talking about, go check it out).

However there is one thing that the thread doesn't solve : Why ?

Why would the murder have to be so complicated

The thread mentions that, with the murder method set up this way the culprit could end up avoiding the BDA rule but they do end up dismissing it because it doesn't seem like the culprit would benefit from that.

I mean it would be impossible to predict being one of the first three people to see the body. I mean we see Teruko literally choses the people at random. Plus, either way, Eden and Whit can't be the culprit so wouldn't that make it useless information anyway ?

Now here is the thing, there is actually another reason why the culprit would want to avoid that rule.

And that is to avoid having people being revealed as innocent by the BDA rule, specifically Eden.

Because, think about it, if the murderer was framing Eden, wouldn't the entire plan go into the water if the BDA announcement rule marked her as innocent ?

The killer clearly was betting on Eden being the scapegoat, down to the fake note. Why wouldn't they try to avoid the one thing that could easily make her rid of all suspicion ?

Now, you might argue that it's a very specific thing to do and that it doesn't justify the complexity of the murder but I disagree. I mean we see firsthand how that is a smart idea because Teruko literally thinks of bringing two people with her to activate the BDA (including Eden btw). If the killer thought to avoid that rule then it makes Teruko's strategy fall into the water without having to bet on mother luck to be the first to see the body.

Either way the aim of the culprit is to have someone be voted as a culprit instead of them. Trying to find ways to lessen the methods that proves someone innocent is a very smart thing to do, especially if they are trying to frame someone specifically.

I rest my case

[cannibalovers]

since some ppl did say yes, buckle up for a VERY long analysis because this song and "want" + a few others are some of my ultimate hannibal songs.

Hannibal song of the day: song no.1

a bit about the song:

"Missing Piece" (released in 1997) is a song by Recoil, a music project by Alan Wilder (former member of Depeche Mode, a group which I absolutely love and have a lot of their songs in my playlist). The song was written and sang as a duo by Alan Wilder and Siobhan Lynch. It's a moody and dark electronica song with jazzy elements and even a violin solo In short, the song is about self discovery and enlightement that a relationship has brought to the narrator, who has felt alone and misunderstood their whole life until they met the person who was their "missing piece". It explores the complex emotions and realisations that arose from the relationship(whether the relationship ended or not isn't really implied, at least in my eyes, although for my view on the song when it comes to hannibal, i think it might have).

now, i think from that it's already clear enough that I'm thinking about hannigram for this. I mean c'mon, a narrator that felt misunderstood and has been afraid to fully opening up to anybody, because of it's risks, even though they have so much love to give. That's literally Hannibal.

Although I feel like the narrator can also be Will but with how open and desparate the narrator seems, I keep thinking of Hannibal.

------------------------------

Verse 1

"I wanna write myself

On the walls of your heart

Because the knot that holds us

Altogether throws us all apart

I'm gonna stop myself

Before I say something true

Because the answers

That roll from my tongue

Are nothing to do with you"

Hannibal loves to impact people (literally manipulates them), even though it doesn't last (usually).

Through the show, we can see just how many people he actually changed, changing their mindsets, convincing them to murder etc. that's more leaving an impact on their brain, but with Will, he's different. He indeed does change his mindset but he also really tries to get a place in Will's heart and get his attention because, as he confessed to Bedelia, Will intrigues him. I think the lyrics of the narrator wanting to write themselves on the walls of somebody's heart and leave an impact on them is just so incredibly hannibal.

But again, those people don't last usually, they usually end up dead, be it as Hannibal's dinner or something else. He knows this danger, and he knows this complicated knot of manipulation and lies he tied himself and Will with will most likely break off at some point, which he slowly comes to realise he doesn't want it to happen. (and then fucking mizumono happens)

In the song, the narrator hides the truth, most likely because of the fear of rejection, fearing the person doesn't feel the same, or because of the fear of losing the person. In season 2, his decision was to continue lying, not confessing the truth of his plan to Will, in my eyes to try and secure him in his hold, get his trust and love, see if Will would truly understand him and accept him for who he is - so, he stops himself from telling Will the truth, pretending his plan, his answers have nothing to do with his love for Will, but instead pretend that his plan is to destroy Will's life, leaving out the part where he's hoping Will would want to try and rebuild his life with Hannibal.

------------------------------

Chorus

"(And) I hold a piece up to the light

Hold a piece up to my eye

Found a missing piece from my set

Found a person I'd not met (x2)

Sometimes is a lonely place (x5)"

self explanatory. There's so little to say, because the lyrics describe it so well, yet at the same time there's SO much to say.

The chorus is sung as a duo, both the narrator and the narrator's person. They both feel like they're the same and are each other's missing pieces, harmonising together.

I truly thing the best way to describe hannigram's relationship is by saying that they're each other's missing pieces. Hannibal seems to be a well-organized set of his pieces that make up him as well as a set of other people that he manipulated kind of as a list (maybe some as trophies). He's so composed, he's sure of his values and knows who he is, he's fully in control yet still felt incomplete, so he has spent his whole life finding that last missing piece (perhaps another meaning for missing, maybe he already had one and lost it, the missing piece being his sister........ ouch, although can't give much thought to this cuz haven't seen season 3 yet), a person who will be just like him and will complete him, not judge him, see him, accept him and be with him. That piece is Will.

He holds him up to the light, analyses him, studies him, gets to know him to determine if he is indeed the missing piece (in the show, he does his usual tactic of manipulating with the intention of making him his dinner but the more he got to know him, the more intrigued he got and saw a possibility of Will understanding him), and he indeed is his missing piece.

The fact that the narrator's person only sings during the chorus makes me think of how Hannibal made Will realise that he is Hannibal's missing piece and that although Will didn't really want it to be true, Hannibal helped him realise that Hannibal is Will's missing piece too - That's why I see the narrator as Hannibal and narrator's person as Will. He seems to be the second to realise this and accept this.

"Sometimes is a lonely place" is straightforward, I think. The two literally admit and show that they feel alone without each other, they have never felt so true to themselves as they feel when they're together, a room or a moment in life without one another is empty, a period without each other is a period they feel the most lonely.

------------------------------

Verse 2

"So tow me over to the light

The sound, the sound it is in sight

Found my heart was contained within a cell

Found my heart in this tuck-a-way-me world"

ngl, verse 2 and chorus are quite similar in meaning to me. Maybe it's more so Hannibal letting Will study him as well and get to know him, letting Will tow him over to the light (let Will inside his mind). I feel like the lyrics about the narrator's heart being contained in a cell is maybe Hannibal becoming more and more aware of how restrictive he was with his emotions, how his human suit made him lock away his real heart and after many tries of trying to find the right key, Will finally found it and unlocked Hannibal's true self to the world. Overall, I feel like Hannibal feels the world is very restrictive for his type of people but he has found a way to live with it and accept it, although the desire to find a person like him never disappeared

------------------------------

Coda

"Sometimes I held the missing piece

I held the missing piece

I held sometimes

I held the missing piece

I held..."

the end seems very lamentful to me. Sorry but it reminds me of mizumono

the end is overall so beautiful, I love how dark, slow yet jazzy and classy the song sounds, the coda just sounds like absolute heaven to me and its instrumental reminds me of the show overall so so much

but anyhow, the lyrics getting repeated, the moody, whiny tone the narrator sings it in combined with the reverb and minor key just immediately makes me think that the narrator lost their missing piece, reminiscing the times they had with them. Because of that, I immediately think of Mizumono and how distraught Hannibal was when he realised that Will betrayed him, letting Will see him just for Will to try and get him killed, even though he had a plan of giving back Will everything that he lost and everything that was precious to him. The whole song sounding quite blurry makes me think of how much emptiness Hannibal probably felt after the events in mizumono, how much of a blur everything was to him.

in conclusion, the song is literally so hannibal lecter coded to me

------------------------------

additional notes: i already mentioned this song on my previous blog actually, together with "want" cuz together theyre AMAZING, i see want more from Wills perspective, i'll do that one tmr

could be lacking a little bit cuz i havent seen season 3 yet, maybe after it ill have some more thoughts but wont add them, i leave it at that

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my playlist

to anybody who read this, thank you and hope you enjoyed my rant<3

[ikamigami]

Sun helping others doesn't mean he stopped being suicidal..

When you're suicidal.. it's very fluctuative state.. suicidal thoughts comes in crushing amounts and some time later they can lessen.. but it still doesn't mean that someone isn't suicidal..

Like.. I always liked helping others and I was struggling with a lot of issues and I had suicidal thoughts..

You have better days.. and worse days...

Also does anyone remember when Moon said "I'll check on that later" and he was talking about Sun's comment to computer "Shoot me.. let's end this already".. It was in "Sun and Moon vs Mimic" episode...

And Moon never checked on that.. it was never brought up again...

Fans quickly forgot about it.. saying that Sun expressed having suicidal thoughts only that one time when he said "sometimes I wish I was dead"...

That's sad to be honest...

I blame mainstream media for how people see suicide. It seems that people think that only seemingly depressed people commit suicide which is untrue. In most cases people who killed themselves didn't have any diagnosis.

Another thing is that when someone is suicidal.. they're giving hints and clues that they are suicidal.. And I see this with Sun..

Even if others don't see anything it doesn't mean that there are no hints and clues..

And with Sun there's a lot of that and I talked about it a lot as well..

Another thing is that people are confused by the fact that people don't always commit suicide in "irrational way"..

Many people have plans, even very specific and detailed plans to end their own lives..

Unfortunately people often times think that those who commit suicide are selfish which is totally untrue..

Getting back to Sun.. we don't see his p.o.v. on events that are happening.. like for example we don't know what Sun was thinking when he and Moon found out that star is slowly killing Eclipse.. He walked away to think about it but we still don't know to what conclusion he got.. Or after his encounter with New BM Sun wasn't saying anything.. like he could even say I won't ever forgive them or I won't be giving anyone another chances... But he was silent when Moon and Solar were talking about the fiasco of their hunt for BM... Or he was silent when Earth said that maybe Eclipse could've changed...

Like we know a lot of p.o.v. of other characters, like we know more even about Solar.. and ofc I'm not talking about emotions but about characters thoughts regarding something..

And well.. Sun barely talks his thoughts out on any situation.. and again I'm not talking about ideas.. but thoughts which allow us to connect with said character more...

And that's why probably so many people don't understand Sun's character.. because showrunners don't give us his p.o.v. even if we get to see what he's doing...

Like why we don't see Sun questioning his own morals like he gave BM a chance and yet he seems so adamant on getting rid of Eclipse.. Something doesn't add up... The only thing Sun is doing is that he's recently voicing more of his intrusive thoughts.. and that's it.

We know that Sun is thinking about villains a lot cause he mentioned Eclipse a few times before he returned or now he was mentioning BM a few times as well... But we don't actually know what he's thinking! Like tell us! Tell us already something, Sun! Share your thoughts with us!

I'm sure that it's intentional on showed part.. We can't find out what Sun is actually thinking about various things.. not yet at least...

I really think that they're heading for some shocking reveal about Sun.. it won't be probably shocking to me but that's because I'm paying attention to what is happening with him...

At the end I like to bring up what I realised recently..

We know that Sun not always is cleaning the Daycare.. sometimes others do that for him e.g. Solar and Moon.. I don't remember in which episode it was but Solar said that they finished cleaning up the Daycare just like Sun likes it..

Which shows us that Sun doesn't even clean up that much.. He told about that to Earth during therapy session..

Someone could've thought and probably many really thought that it's a good thing cause he isn't cleaning so much anymore..

But when you realise that Sun isn't doing much beside cleaning - he only spends a whole day at computer.. So what he's actually doing?

Like I said he doesn't have that much involvement in plannings with Moon and Solar, he most of the time listen to their commands.. He doesn't contribute that much to plannings..

I think that Sun showed Solar and Moon how to properly clean up the Daycare because then they'll be able to clean it up on their own after he'll kill himself..

They don't need him.. that's what he thinks and that's why he's passing down his knowledge to others...

[fandoomrants]

So I have this love-hate thing for the whole Hunger Games because while I've seen the movies and read the books and I've been hyped and I've waited for each movie, gone to see it, etc, and I usually don't like First POV in books yet everything in them is so brilliant... It gives me chills. Because I can't say the writing itself is a masterpiece in terms of language used, although it's brilliant because it fits the perspective of a teenage girl, it's raw and doesn't sugarcoat anything, the way everything is presented is amazing and that's the whole appeal actually.

The Capitol, for example. They're shown almost as the bad guys, not just Snow but all the citizens because they find the games interesting and don't do anything to stop them. And District 13, which was believed to be destroyed and then we find out it's not and in the beginning this is like some light in the tunnel but then we slowly realise that Coin and Snow aren't too different and they're both power hungry and cruel in their own ways while at the same time we meet people from the Capitol who aren't bad and genuinely want to help and change this reality. And all the layers that get revealed until we reach these conclusions along with Katniss...

But what really scares me is that... This isn't entirely unlikely to happen in the future. Like, we already have distopian novels that have influenced real reality shows and we have way too many shows about survival and all of that, the only difference is that people aren't dying there (but you know what, there have been death cases in some! They cancelled one season or Survivor in my country years ago because someone died) so really, the line here is thin. And if it's not really about the games really happening, then there's the political situation. That's even more likely to happen one day. These thoughts have always been holding me from truly getting in this fandom.

And now revisiting it when I'm much older, I see other sides of it. And I think I dislike some things even more but at the same time... I can't help but find some understanding of the Capitol citizens. And no, has nothing to do with TBOSAS and young Snow. If anything, this scares me even more because what do we see there? A character we already know and despise that suddenly people start liking him because he looks good (no judgement here. I admit he looks good. I just can't simp), and people finding the games boring in the book/movie itself and then also people seeing the movie complaining about the same part with the games because it wasn't as interesting as the ones in the OG trilogy? The Capitol is basically the same as almost every one of us.

And let's face it - we see the Capitol and its citizens as bad because we get to see it in the OG trilogy through Katniss's eyes, a girl which was brought up in poverty and knows what real hunger and dealing with this life is but this is almost like comparing a third world country to... Almost every other country. Because the Capitol is loud, it's obsessed with crazy things, shows, fashion trends, etc but this is not too far from our own lives. And we as an audience are shocked by them just because we see them compared to the Districts and their life but in fact, we're living in a world which is so much closer to the Capitol than it is to any of the districts. And it's the same thing happening with Snow. He's charming and uses it to his advantage, and is played by a good-looking actor and people like him just the way people like Snow in TBOSAS.

And another thing I've already seen people commenting on but I still wanna add is that we have these movies which I believe are good adaptations but most of the characters are played by older actors. Like, go look at some actual teenagers and imagine them in these scenes where children are killing and dying... (When's the last time y'all saw a 14yo? Imagine this being an actual victor of these games...)

So yeah, these things really make me think how it's a brilliant story but the concepts we see there are so messed... (And a good proof is how I have way too many thoughts of the games and their making and wanna know more despite how wrong they are...)

[taylortruther]

Rae I was just having thoughts about You're Losing Me a while ago, and it really is just such an enigmatic song yk. I can never explain the way it made me feel the first time I heard it.

Just sumn about hearing all those wonderful, romantic, idyllic love songs about Joe for five whole albums and then just. YLM hits you like a truck because till then we still hadn't processed it all. Joe had been painted as this perfect, calm supportive partner who can do no wrong and Taylor is happy and it will always stay that way...and then April 9th happened.

Public perception is a crazy thing, and it's even crazier how nobody even DARED to speak the words that thy could've broken up before they did...but the red flags were there all along. It reminds me of the line in sotb "I don't speak, afraid to jinx it" and now that song is in the denial playlist. Truly everyone was in denial for like a month after the news dropped and we weren't even IN the relationship, I can't imagine how bad it was for Taylor herself.

Someone on Twitter quoted the breakup announcement with "Isn't this the guy she wrote Lover for? Yeah, we're all screwed". Amazing how much her own songs made everyone believe everything was okay till the very last moments.

I think especially what YLM strikes me as is a song centered around not wanting to throw away a "good thing" i.e. the Do I throw out everything we built or keep it?

YLM is so horribly bleak imo, because it's not hopeful AT ALL. The last line is very literally her "making the decision" that unless he chooses her, she's done. And to think this was written in 2021?? Had she already accepted the truth back then? Did the denial stage start even BEFORE that? Was she sitting in the dark room for an year and a half?

The thing that hurts the most about a song like this with all the lyric parallels, is watching something you thought was gonna last forever turn out to be so disapointing in the end. Not WANTING to lose something you've built with so much love, even when you realise that the love has disappeared. The shattering of a mirage. All the We survived the great war imagery on Midnights to My heart won't start anymore for you. Her paralleling her own past songs will always break me. The silence that only comes when two people understand each other to You say 'I don't understand' and I say 'I know you don't'.

Of course the fandom believed at a point that they were endgame, but SO DID SHE. That is what makes the song harder to digest because it really feels like a personal letter to her fans, released ONLY for us months before it was made available to the public. I stand behind the theory that Midnights was the Denial album, and YLM (the bridge between Midnights and TTPD) is her waking up.

i know this isn't the point of your ask, but bear with me! i would argue that many fans realized some songs were describing dark or heavy moments - but, call it parasocial if you like, the fandom just wanted to believe they were working through those issues, not that the relationship was unhealthy or bad. (and no one wants to be labeled as a hater, which, maybe we can work on as a fandom now lol.) for example, i thought hoax and renegade were troubling, the line "your integrity makes me seem small" rubbed many of us the wrong way, we all clocked "maybe it was her"... meanwhile, unfortunately there were lots of theories about how it was "all in her head," which fortunately i think we can all put in perspective now. OK BUT MY POINT IS, it also makes it easy to imagine (as you said), that when you're IN the relationship itself, the good parts might overshadow the bad. you could cling to something that is beyond saving because there's still comfort or hope, and denial is extremely strong. denial can feel like hope tbh.

i think ylm really shows that she was trying so so hard, for so so long, that she was running out of steam in late 2021. and he wasn't make it easier for her, because he wasn't making his needs or true desires clear.

ANYWAY good thoughts, i enjoyed this ask!

[nanomooselet]

Episode Four: Hungry!

Full disclosure, it took me a while to warm up to Wolfwood.

I hadn't read the manga or watched the older adaptation. Didn’t know anything about him except his ridiculous gun and that he was a priest (hence the ridiculous gun, because anime). I couldn't figure out why he was present in the narrative, except... because he was in the manga and older adaption. It seemed a little indulgent; I wanted more time with Meryl. He wasn’t even a priest. Obviously Nick has plenty of homoerotic tension with Vash, but all due respect and sympathy to Vash/Wolfwood shippers, m/m pairings have always left me cold (to be fair, pairings generally do that irrespective of gender. Desire unfulfilled is more my speed).

Sad to say that I still don't ship Vash/Wolfwood, but I did definitely come to understand why people do and why they like the guy. Though am I the only one baffled that Vash gets cast as the virginal princess so often? After this look?

Whew. No wonder Wolfwood looks like he got hit with a two-by-four. Ahem.

This is a very necessary episode that feels maybe too "necessary", like they realised they needed to introduce everything it introduces and didn't leave enough time to integrate it all naturally. It's too tight, and Stampede is already a show so tight it squeaks. Still, I think blowing Wolfwood's cover before the day was out was, if not the only right decision, not a wrong one. Almost immediately this guy comes across as sketchy, half from that he's barely trying to act like he's not (which absolutely sends me; he really hates his job) and half that he's just... an awkward dude, angry and obviously hurt in a way he won’t admit to. And while we know there's more to Vash than his façade, it's hard to tell just how smart he really is, how perceptive, because this is Vash. Meryl is the type to show off her knowledge, because she's young and eager to prove herself. Vash is a creature of endless masks and insurmountable walls. He refuses to, as he sees it, burden anyone else with his thoughts.

So we do exactly what Zazie does in this episode: show Vash something wounded and vulnerable because he'd tear off his own skin if it would make things easier for someone else. Except instead Wolfwood is the one who feels a little too exposed, of course. It's so funny to me how obviously he didn't expect this? And how frustrated when he realises he'll have to drag this self-sacrificial lunatic all the way to July alive without becoming attached. I honestly think he failed in that latter part before they even got shot out of the Worm. Vash is just so loving, and so loveable.

Also, the Worm guys (as I mentally call them) might be my favourite minor characters next to Rosa and her offsiders. They're a hilarious audience to the madness. I’m glad they got so many dinners in one go.

And Zazie - what a great character, one I genuinely think is an improvement over prior incarnations rather than just being different from them. Nail game on point, entirely free of fucks given, and a sterling addition to the cast. I'll talk more about our buggy friend later, and I have more to say about Wolfwood besides that hitting him with the trailer forced me to pause the video until I stopped cackling.

Finally, the closing scene chills me in hindsight for a number of reasons, but what gets me the most is that it's a bookend. At the episode's start, Vash refused to eat. Wolfwood had to convince him to. And it's not that he can't use his Gate, it's that he's decided to keep it closed, so something will have to make him decide to lay bare his power once more.

And somehow, I can't imagine Knives asking nicely.