#it's all so complex and yummy i want to EAT it

[brionysea]

love this shot. it's like mike is inviting them into his mind/game ("alright, wheeler, i think we found your hub") + max and dustin are the ones who step into frame. i am staring at the implications

[syrupbitee]

their dinamic is messy but caring but idfa about you all at same time it makes me want to explode i want to see more of them siu pls

[these-posts-arent-real]

(masterpost link)

Aaand we have returned to the madness on a larger scale! What are these cats up to...

#sighh #i know i've been away from dash sim posting for a while #was dealing with my last few days of school #but #that is Over Now #i can return to fulfilling everyone's need for Warrior Cats But Tumblr

57 notes

🐦 s3afow1s--sc0wl Follow

PLEASE stop talking about the most recent TTDV slates without spoilers, it hasn't made its rounds to ShadowClan yet and I don't want to know what's going to happen before I read it!!!!

#ttdv discussion #ttdv:rp #through the desert vast #ttdv: rattlesnake path #ttdv #through the desert vast: rattlesnake path #especially since i heard the newest slates have seafowl in them a lot #he's my specialest guy...

9 notes

🔁 🛤 carnation-stem-02 reblogged

🍲 ex-thundrclan-kipper Follow

I think the worst thing about no longer being a Clan cat is that a lot of the time I have no idea what y'all over there are talking about. What is TTDV?

🦁 lionsight-x3 Follow

TTDV stands for Through the Desert Vast. It's a new slate series everyone's going bee-brained over... I haven't read it yet because I prefer for a series to be finished before reading, but I've heard good things. Queer rep within the first couple chapters of the first slate-set, a non-traditional setting and cast (a rogue group living in the desert), and complex characters... needless to say I'm excited for when it finishes and I can read it!

#it's been on my to-read list for a while #maybe this is a sign #it seems pretty cool #ttdv

2,070 notes

🔁 🐦 s3afow1s--sc0wl reblogged

⛰️ fc-rockpaint Follow

In honor of Through the Desert Vast becoming popular, I've decided to make a rock-dye project on all of the main characters. Today's character is... Seafowl!

Unfortunately I don't have the right paints to portray him accurately (I haven't been able to find any white herbs for his patches, but I'm still on the lookout!) but this is mostly accurate to how he is described in the slates.

🌠 nightshade-tast3s-yummy Follow

Pssst... @s3afow1s--sc0wl

#eeeek! seafowl! #i looove him so much... my precious boy... #art #ttdv #ttdv seafowl #thanks for the tag!

162 notes

🔁 🌻 l1llyst3m reblogged

🌻 l1llyst3m Follow

Aahhhh I've finally gotten into TTDV and... NOBODY was gonna tellme that one of the characters is heavily implied to be transfem? Nobody thought I'd find this interesting????

🌻 l1llyst3m Follow

SCRATCH THAT. IT'S CANON. PIT VIPER IS CANONICALLY TRANS.

🐚 hermitcrabfriend Follow

I had wondered if you were talking about Pit Viper when I saw this post a cople days ago! Apparently so ^w^ yeah, it's canon, gets confirmed in the second slate set.

🌻 l1llyst3m Follow

This makes me wonder. Why is everyone on this site talking about Seafowl saying he gives "egg vibes" when we have. An actual confirmed trans character. Right here.

Nothing against Seafowl but the only vibe he gives off to me is traumatized.

🏞 trouttail-prefers-bass Follow

He's your typical prettyboy cishet protagonist type and everyone is pissed off that he's a side character rather than ttdv's ✨️specialest boy✨️. So they're trying to make him special by claiming he gives off trans vibes when he clearly does not and is happy as a tom.

🌻 l1llyst3m Follow

#wait till op reads rattlesnake path

What do you mean by that-

#what do you MEAN by that— #im gonna need context #is this /pos or /neg #does something bad happen in rattlesnake path?? #help someone pls #through the desert vast #ttdv

103 notes

🔁 🥬 rxttencatmint reblogged

🥬 rxttencatmint

Im so fucking irritated... my mom wont let me read TTDV because it's "inApPrOpRiAtE." Which. Of course. Is because it has lgbtqia+ characters.

🥬 rxttencatmint

WONDEDFUL NEWS. MY MENTOR LET ME BORROW HIS COPY OF THE FIRST SET. AHHHHH!!!!! I GET TO READ IT!!

#YIPPEEEEE #òwó im so exCITED!!! #ive been wanting to read ttdv for a whileee #i love my mentor sm

5 notes

🪵 i-eat-moss Follow

My unpopular opinion (TTDV:RP SPOILERS INCOMING)

Keep reading

#ttdv:rp #ttdv #rattlesnake path spoilers #ttdv spoilers #ttdv:rp spoilers #nothing against pit viper!!! #i like her as a character #i just dont get why we got a whole book explaining her backstory

203 notes

🐚 hermitcrabfriend Follow

I LOOOOVE RATTLESNAKE PATH SO MUCH. IVE JUST GOTTEN TO READ IT AND IM SO EXCITED. OMG.

Not only is it a whole set dedicated to my favorite character !!! like a dream come true!!! It ALSO contains good intersex rep (Ball Python my beloved!!!). Over all just a FANTASTIC set in a fantastic series.

12 notes

🌱 dirtdigger-23 Follow

I'm... back?? I'M BACK ON CLANBLR!!!! WOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO

#i thought i'd never get back #stuck on Tumblr...

0 notes

🍽 the-post-maker

I hope y'all enjoyed this insight into what the cats do when they get fandom-y... and if you want to discuss TtDV further... well, there's a server for that ;) now back to your regular dash

[bambiesfics]

do u have any headcanons for loser ellie? <3

Sorry if these arent as yummy, I just woke up and I’m so eepy. But these are what I could think up <3 This is such a random collection of thoughts but!

- I think Ellie has a red Coca-Cola themed mini fridge in her room where she stores monster energy drinks and her elf bars so they pull cool when she smokes them.

- She has a vision of -2.00 in one eye and -2.50 in the other eye, but hates putting on her glasses because she’s afraid it makes her look nerdier than she already is.

- She doesn’t use conditioner, only shampoo. And when girls at school flirt with her and ask how her hair is so soft she just tugs on a tiny lock of it and awkwardly tries to avoid eye contact. “Uh-I uh…I dunno. Do you think it’s soft?”

- She falls in love fast, and hard. An absolute master at obsessing over someone so much so that thinking about her crush at night time has been her favorite mechanism to fall asleep at since she was in middle school.

- She owns like 4 pairs of converses and only one pair of doc martens. She still winces thinking about the amount she spent on those. She’s had the same shoe size since she was in middle school so all her converses are beat up.

- Her preferred method of masturbating is angrily fingering herself and she usually does it with a pillow over her head. She’s always pissed after, she doesn’t know why. Maybe it’s because of the sudden dopamine drop from her nut. Or maybe it’s because she’s tired of imagining fucking the same girls she can’t have & who will never want her back. There’s only so many times she can imagine eating a pretty girl’s butt until they squirt on her glasses before she starts getting pissed that it isn’t actually happening, mid-masturbation sesh. She grinds her g-spot until she cums, lazily rinses her hands, and just lies face down on her pillow in a stiff plank position.

- She listens to 40 year old dad rock the most. Think Aerosmith, Depeche mode, Papa roach, Deftones (she has a complex about that) and Alice in Chains. She’d slowly built up a collection of her most loved songs since she was 12 years old. So all her favourite bands and artists are a collection of music she holds near and dear to her heart. Don’t don’t even try it though, it doesn’t matter if you listen to those bands too, you cannot suggest one North American song to Ellie that she hasn’t already heard of. She’ll always know more music than you, even though her Spotify music obscurity rating is like top 6%

- She oddly knows more pop songs than you too. Even though she doesn’t listen to them nearly as much.

- She has slight ringing in her left ear from how loud she usually blasts her headphones at night. Sometimes when the noise really pisses her off, she leaps off her bed and loads up her playstation instead. Which then lead to 10am’s the very next day where her eye bags are a deep purple and she walks through the halls like a freckled ghoul.

- she uses the broken skateboard she used to skate when she was 17, as decoration in the corner for her room.

- she has 17 Etsy bookmarks saved from different tarot love spell practitioners. One time she dm’d one and just went into very scary explicit detail about how she wanted you to notice her, where the scene would be, what she’d be wearing, the first time you’d let her give you head, the fact that you’d be ovulating (that one was really important), and what type of pregnancy cravings you’d have when the inevitable happened and she married you (you weirdly had cravings for her current fav snacks: snickers and carton almond milk).

- she also knows she’s a loser. Scarily self aware girl.

- One time her and her counsellor just stared at each other, and blinked back and forth the entire sesh.

[deathmetalunicorn1]

can i ask for child reader that has a sensitive constitution? like they have to be careful with the things they feed the reader because it could make them sick, but now they want to make something different for them except for the fact that they dont know what to give them without harming the reader. so hades, brunhilde, heracles, eve and adam are all like arguing about what to make for food while the reader is pouting, clueless about their bickering because theyre hungry and just want to eat but still getting nothing, so in the end buddha and loki end up giving them the same simple snacks, and the others just kind of sigh and try harder next time !

-You had always had a sensitive constitution; your stomach couldn’t handle anything too complex or heavily seasoned without upsetting your stomach and making you sick.

-Your adoptive family was up to the challenge, and they were willing to do their homework and research on what you could and couldn’t handle, unlike your previous foster families who just saw it as you being picky or found it too much of a hassle to make more than one meal, rather than accommodating you.

-It was a process, mostly with trial and error, learning what you could stomach easily and what was a no-go, but unlike your previous families, they never made you feel like a burden.

-They would hold you if you got sick, clean you up if you got messy, and they would comfort you, calming you down.

-Your family wanted to include you with anything they could, like preparing the meals, showing you what was going into every dish, and even having you help making food- which you did enjoy. It was so much fun for you to learn what went into cooking!

-There were certain members of your family who think they knew what was best for you- knowing what foods you could handle, and didn’t want to branch you out, with the hopes your constitution would get better with slow introductions to new things, that was the other side of your family, who wanted to slowly get you trying new things.

-This left you on the sidelines sometimes, while they were arguing, hungry and just wanting a snack, something small so you wouldn’t spoil your dinner, and they were arguing over what to give you.

-You pouted lightly before a pair of hands grabbed you, picking you up and you looked up, seeing Buddha holding you, a grin on his lips before Loki popped up next to him and the three of you snuck away.

-Buddha could tell you were getting cranky because you needed a snack, and Loki knew that with everyone else arguing, you wouldn’t get a snack in time and would have to wait for dinner.

-After the argument died down, after they saw you gone, they found you, Loki, and Buddha, trying the different types of Teddy Grahams.

-It was simple and gentle on your stomach, but it was also letting you try new flavors, you smiled at Loki, “These apple ones are yummy!” as you held one up to him, feeding him before Buddha pouted, “I want one too~” which made you laugh.

-Your family relaxed, entering the dining room to join the three of you, seeing that it was good for you to try new things, in moderation.

[doostyaudi]

❤️‍🔥Hello Everyone!!❤️‍🔥

❤️‍🔥My name is Dusty/Yara/Audi, though most call me Dusty. Idc which one u use

❤️‍🔥Adult

❤️‍🔥Bisexual, genderfluid/genderqueer

❤️‍🔥Any pronouns (masc terms)

❤️‍🔥ADHD, NPD

❤️‍🔥I draw and animate! I especially love to make animation memes!

❤️‍🔥Im a shadow demon cat irl :3 🐈🔥

❤️‍🔥Goth

❤️‍🔥 Furry (post of my fursonas :3)

❤️‍🔥I love silly kitties!

❤️‍🔥I make lots of oc x canon content lol

❤️‍🔥 ACAB

❤️‍🔥FREE PALESTINE (list of resources to aid Palestine)

❤️‍🔥Anti-capitalist

💖Media im obsessed with💖

Madness combat, Warframe, Dead Space, Pikmin, Pokémon, Ultrakill

💖Honorable mentions💖

Lupin the 3rd,dungeon meshi, Monster High, local 58, star wars, what we do in the shadows, mst3k, marine biology, paleontology, repo:the genetic opera, Hamilton, cryptids, the amazing digital circus, bugbo, Steven Universe, the owl house, gravity falls, rock band (the game), tf2, welcome home, doom

{Will update when i remember things}

💖Types of media i enjoy💖

Horror movies/games (YUMMY), violent video games, rpgs, rhythm games, comedy games/movies/tv shows, memes, stories with complex themes and lots of nuance :3 (what i write mostly LOL), hashtag music lover

💖Current kin list💖

❤️‍🔥Auditor (madness combat)❤️‍🔥

🩵Louie (pikmin)🩵

🩷Spinel (Steven universe)🩷

{can you tell which one i have clinged onto the most? LOL}

❤️‍🔥Common questions that need to be answered❤️‍🔥

Q: "how can I use your works? (art, characters, stories, ect)"

A: however you want! Everything of mine is copyright free! It's all in the public domain! Literally do whatever u want. Hell, you can even put my art on merch and sell it! Dont even have to give credit! Just as long as u don't say the art is yours, we r cool, alr? Also yes u can trace my art too, thought i should say that. U can take inspiration from my art and ocs, unless stated otherwise. Also DONT REDESIGN MY OCS PLEASE u only get to do so if i give u direct permission, though if u do, keep it to urself

Q: "Will you ever open commissions?"

A: im not sure honestly?? Like i said everything of my is public domain, and i would like for that to apply commissions, but idk how that works legally, so i haven't opened them.

Q: "why don't you ever reply to comments?"

A: I cant. Be shadowbanned prevents me from replaying to comments. Granted, this acc isn't, but two of my accs r, and that includes my main, so that has effected my commenting abilities.

Q: "can i draw your ocs?"

A: YES PWEASE i eat any and all fan art up like a starving Victorian child.

Q: "is your drawing requests open?"

A: yes! I am most likely going to draw ones that are abt my ocs or characters im currently obsessed with lol

Q: "is spam liking/reblogging allowed?"

A: allowed and encouraged!

❌DNI❌

Transphobs, homophobs, bigots, terfs, maps, zoophiles, pro shippers, nazis, fascists, zenoists, partake in cringe culture, anti furry, exclusionists, and Narcissistic abuse truthers

Anyways, have fun!

Additional links: YouTube, artfight, old acc, twiddlefinger side blog, Rave-N au masterpost, daily auditor blog

[fragmentedlegends]

Different cooking styles of the muses—

Astor: The best way to describe it is elegant? Akin to food served in fine dining, Astor likes to take his time with proper brining, seasonings, particular cuts of meat, plating, etc. Everything he does is very intentional and builds off his knowledge of food and cooking.

Ganondorf: Efficient. While Ganondorf has the knowledge and ability to cook, he prefers to spend his time elsewhere. So if he is cooking, it’s to fuel and sustain. Expect a one pot meal that’s packed with protein and spices.

Rhoam: Camp-style. Most of his cooking days were spent in the army and it shows in what he likes to cook with lots of simple, but yummy, recipes. He loves cooking with fresh protein and produce most.

Sonia: Cozy. She’s one for cooking soups, porridge, pudding, rice and chicken dishes—the sort of thing you would want to eat after coming in from a cold rain. As a midwife, she always had fresh sweet rice porridge ready for the new mama to enjoy post-birth.

Revali: Simple. He never really learned to do any complex meals himself. He knows some standard basics and just rotates between them, things like easy stews, rice paired with a simply seasoned protein, etc.

Link: Mobile just deleted the entire section for this so rather than type it all back out I will simply say—he’s an amazing cook and he’ll cook whatever sounds tasty regardless of how inconvenient it may be.

[little-prontera]

character ramblings about baby cheese head, her prince, and what she truly wants under the cut cos I've been consumed KYAN☆

💕☘💌📍💐🌼💞🍰

diary ramble ✏

Anyhow, diary time! rp has been really fun! I used to be nervous since I didn't know anybody, but it turned out to be much more relaxed than I thought. Everyone is just very enthusiastic about their characters. I've found writing is a lot more fun when you're doing it with everyone. It's also interesting to watch the progression happen naturally. Nobody knows what will happen at the end of a story, and so I have no clue what the character will turn into.

When I began, I didn't have a clear idea of Raclette at all. I just knew she was a "pure-hearted maiden"; I knew she was a little dreamy and aesthetically fixated; I knew she had a fairytale like backstory and she was troubled by ghosts. She was originally supposed to be more floaty and mysterious but my own habits came through and she ended up as an overwhelming force of delusional princessy wonder ^^". I guess that's the kind of girl I like! But happily, with time, and with everyone, she grew and grew and I came to understand her.

1) How to be good 👑

Here are some established traits of cheesegirl:

1) She loves fairytales and will connect anything and everything in reality to them

2) She assumes automatically that everyone will understand what she's thinking/saying/doing

3) If she likes something, it is good and she won't let it go

4) If she doesn't like something, it's bad and she wants it eliminated

5) If something falls between "good" and "bad", she will be at a loss as to how to sort it and blank out

5) Her ideal is a Prince 💕

So the girl has a painfully black-and-white worldview. To Raclette, what she thinks and feels are real and factual-- not subjective and intangible. They are a reality of the world. So when something offers a little grey to her black-and-white bubble, she can't handle it at all. It doesn't abide by the laws of the world, so it doesn't exist.

But why are things divided so strictly?

Raclette, at some level, believes she is in the "good" catagory. Things that are beautiful, sweet, pretty and nice (it doesn't matter if the subject is actually any of these things, if it os labelled as such then it surely is). Any sort of complexity threatens her, suggesting that some part of her is wrong-- even the smallest bruise means the whole apple gets thrown away in her worldview. But at the same time that worldview MUST be enforced to protect her from everything "bad" aka things she just doesn't like. Things that are ugly or distasteful, but also things she doesn't understand or simply make her feel bad. She wants to be as far away from them as possible.

2) I could just eat you up! 🍨

Raclette wants to be beautiful inside and out, and how she aims to achieve this is by physically surrounding her with things she wants.

Cute things, pretty things, nice poetry, nice people, yummy sweets, lovely hats. They are all within reach, as long as you make an effort. And once she has her hands on it, she won't let it go. It's a part of her now. It's what makes her "good"!

But there are things she cannot take with her. Talk of the quality of character are rarely successful. Courage, intelligence, and creativity aren't things you can keep in jars. When meeting Voski the writer, so full of energy and knowlege, Raclette withers under her own lack of experience. The gap between the two in terms of character is too wide for her to cross.

Worst case was meeting Cinna, a perfectly nice gentleman who offered her genuine advice. She responded by asking him if she could straight up become his apprentice-- an effort to physically grasp something she admires-- and was (respectfully, understandably) rejected. What happened next wasn't good. She discarded all thought and acted on her instinct, which was to throw a sugar container right at him. Afterward, she didn't address the situation at all. She neither likes not dislikes Cinna, because Cinna does not fit her worldview while also not being incorrect in any way. Her mind knows this but her heart's wound is too deep, so he's a blank spot for her. He's just incompatible.

She hates things she can't hold, because they can never be a part of her. Like a fox scoffing at sour grapes.

3) The prince...💕

The so-called Prince is forever haunting Raclette. She sees him everywhere: In her books, in her dreams, in the people she meets, in her memory. He's less of a romantic prospect and more of a cure-all, a representative of someone who can get rid of everything she dislikes in this life. Bonus points if they're a little stern and go "tch!"

The Prince has never been real, so she overlays reality with fantasy so that the two are inextricable. If someone shows any sort of care for her, she declares it a "prince-like" action. If someone is so much as dressing nice, she becomes determined to mold them into a prince-like shape. She will make the world conform to her wishes. And while her wish is lofty, it is the only things she's ever wanted.

To Raclette, a prince is cool, handsome, round (?!), clever, beautiful, skilled, smart, will do everything she wants forever without protest, will protect her from things she doesn't like, will never be mean, and always smell good (important). By possessing the prince she will live a life of comfort but more importantly she will be "good" for owning him. They will remedy everything, past and future, if only they were to appear.

4) Real desire ✂️

So, where has he been all this time?

In some level, Raclette believes she is "good", because the alternative is realizing that she-- in her worldview-- is unsalvageable.

Raclette has been lonely since she could remember. She feels things stronger than everyone else, she doesn't understand why she does the things she does, she believes she's the only one who thinks this way. There's a mental block that prevents her from examining the cause any further, but at her core, she's deeply unsatisfied with herself and the gap between her and other people, fantasy and reality. The artificial sweetener is easy to find. But somebody who understands her feelings? That's much harder. Those feelings are bad. And she is good. So who is going to save her from that contradiction?

One day, Raclette met a real Prince. And she bit down as hard as she could.

Raclette never really wanted the Prince to save her. She wanys to get revenge in him for leaving her all alone. She wants to make him feel twice as bad as she feels-- it's his duty to bear the sorrows of the both of them. She can remain pure this way, and he can fix everything by being a canvas for her misery.

The girl speaks often of the macabre in a comically cheerful fashion because she truly does find it romantic. Her mind naturally heads in the direction of death. This is not to say that Raclette wishes to die because I don't think that's the case at all, but rather the idea that someone would go through something so extreme gives her catharsis. It makes sense to her, naturally, that something like double suicide would be functionally dreamy (ala romeo and juliet). In reality though, she would shove all the horrors onto somebody else. None of that nasty stuff can enter her bubble.

If she own the Prince, and she causes him pain, then she can experience the pain without being tainted. He really is a cure-all in the end...

the end oh my god 😪

auhhh I rambled on and on and on. It's really fun to think about how a character grows over time. As dreary as I've made it sound, I'm sure she'll be fine in the end. She's disillusioned with the Prince now, so I wonder what will happen next? Anyhow, she's really funny, even if this dreary post is on the serious side. It was just me working things out ^^"

[snorlaxlovesme]

For the ask meme:

41) Who’s your favorite character you’ve written?

66) What’s a fun fact about let me do this for you?

68) Are there any fics that influenced you to write the way you do?

74) Do you have a fic you wish got a bit more love?

(You don't have to answer them all if you don't have the wherewithal I just love asking questions to writers!!)

smooch smooch smoochsmoochsmooch LC you know I love you and you know I love talking about writing

41. Who's your favorite character you've written?

like, OBVIOUSLY Soul or Maka otherwise I wouldn't have dedicated the past like ten years of my life writing for Soul Eater. but a secret third option? Hagakure from My Hero Academia. probably because Horikoshi gave me absolutely NOTHING to work with besides "girl who is constantly invisible and wants to be hero" so I got to come up with everything else for her on my own. and since I can't think of a single 15 year old girl on the planet that would be comfortable with fighting naked while everyone else was clothed, invisible or not, I gave her a complex about it. and it's a pretty rad fic if I do say so myself. [x] i

66. What's a fun fact about let me do this for you? [x]

the long-lost soup recipe was inspired by a couple different things! there's an episode of Spy x Family where Yor is trying to learn to cook for her fake family and a co-worker tries to teach her how to make a stew, I think. at the end of the cooking process her co-worker asks Yor where she's from and deduces that the region where she lives probably adds sour cream into the stew, and when Yor and her brother taste it it brings back memories of their childhood. i had a similar experience 2 years ago when i went to Chicago. we went to a fancy restaurant and by total coincidence the mashed potatoes I got as a side dish tasted EXACTLY like how my grandmother used to make them. when i was a kid we'd always have Christmas and Easter at my grandma's house and her mashed potatoes were different from how my parents made them and they were SO yummy. she passed away in 2015 so being able to eat what felt exactly like her cooking in 2022 felt really special. those kind of things reminded me just how special home-cooking is, and how taste can trigger memories. i thought it would be comforting for Cheng Xiaoshi to have a memory food like that, that he really wished to taste again, and to have Qiao Ling love her brother enough to attempt to make it over and over again so he can experience that kind of warmth again. and honest to god, hand on the Bible, i had not watched s1 in a while and had COMPLETELY forgotten about the noodle lesbians and didn't know that i was subliminally channeling a plot Link Click had already used LMAO

68. Are there any fics that inspired you to write the way you do?

that's hard to pin down since I don't have even really have a definitive writing style, really. if you look at the work I used to put out in the 2010s, it's mostly snappy sitcom-style romantic comedy things (which I would say was largely influenced by the Soul Eater fandom as a whole and Bittersweet Romanticide's [x] many many excellent Pokemon one-shots and longfics. those were my core texts when I started writing fanfiction so my earlier style comes from them I'm sure. nowadays? i think maybe since being in the TRC fandom I've switched up my style to be a bit more prose-heavy. that's more Maggie Stiefvater's influence than anything, since I've taken like four of her writing courses. i've been able to flesh out ideas better and have been more intentional with my pacing since learning from Stief

74. Do you have a fic you wish got a bit more love?

no matter how many times i reblogged it, you'd come over, right? [x] was chronically ignored and that remains one of life's greatest tragedies it's a TRC pynch one-shot that takes place in the middle of the end of the world. apocalypse NOW, RIGHT NOW, truly. but ironically despite the fire and brimstone raining down, it's more of a backdrop to the emotional turmoil Ronan is going through, as he experiences the end of days alone. (angst with a happy ending, though, soooooooo. it deserves to be read. it is very good. )

[carmenized-onions]

alright yo!! I gotta do this while it’s hot and fresh! I just read ch 11 and BRO, I didn’t know what was gonna happen cause I don’t think lmao but GOD was this ch soooooo good. (and yes good, i’m a it hurts so good type of BITCH so believe me when I say youve MASTERED THAT FUCKING GENRE AND I WOULD EAT YOUR WRITING IF I COULD 🥹🥹)

i could genuinely go on for days and days about how good— no fuck it, GREAT, your writing is but for times sake i’ll say this, it AMAZES me how fucking ughhhh, on the nail your writing is for each of these characters,,, like like richie??? oh you’ve got richie down!! and carmen (meanie carmen who hurt tony’s feelings and possibly broke her heart just now 🥹) i mean of course you got carmen down, but syd?? you both make her possible to envision saying and acting these ways while also showing her in this new light, a best friend type of light like how would she ride for the ones she loves type of light? and a i’m just a girlllll in the worldddddd with my bestie type of light like you ATE TS ALLLLLL THE WAY UP 😭

anyways i’ll give you my play by play notes i took while reading cause they speak for themselves lmao:

- fuckkkkk their writing is so fucking good

- they got richie’s character down so fucking OMG

- DONT YOY DARE SAY THAT TO RICHIE!!!

- and don’t you DARE say that to chippie!!!!!!! 😠🔪🔪

- how tf have they mastered the art of making not only real characters but REAL moving relationships in their writing and omg i’m gonna fucking cry bro

- also why’s tony’s character like me?? but also someone i want to be ?? but also someone i want to deeply tend and care for?? ugh the COMPLEXITIES 😭😭

- lowkey so much more interested in tony’s character and how it interacts with carmys (and truly everyone’s but syd n richie r my fav) versus his character on his own and its not cause his character writing isn’t good, MY GOD ITS IMMACULATE and feels so RIGHT but they really put their foot in the curation of tony’s character and world that im so HOOKED

- and don’t get me fucking sSTARTED on syd and tony’s relationship like????

- inky?????

- squid????

- we are just two girlssssss living in this worlddddd

- wowwwww i wish i had real life versions of richie n syd as my friends cause it’s giving we are girlbosses but also tender hearts club?? iykyk🤞🏽

- i would quite literally cry and die over this series a million times over and probably already do when i think about it but i wish i didn’t just finish that chapter cause i so so so SO selfishly NEED MOREEEEE 😖😖

~~~

ANYWAYSSSSS this series is quite literally the cake frosting and cherry on top to my fucking life rn and your world building is so great i live in it even when it’s being built still and we’re all waiting for you to drop another one of your deliciously written chaps. i’m so grateful to have found this lil side of the internet you exist in and thank you for supplying us with this consistent dose of yumminess!!

thanks for listening to me absolutely YAP and just know if voice memos was a thing you’d probably be receiving 15 minutes worth of me yapping so count your blessings todayyyy!!!

ALSO ALSO PLEASE PLEASE PRETTY PLEASE ADD ME TO THE TAG LIST 🥹🥹🫶🏽

luv uuuuuuuu n keep being great 💐

THANK YOU FOR SAYING I'VE MASTERED THE HURT GENRE-- I also like the hurt, I was worried i didn't get the hurty enough. I'm glad everyone went "i'm so hurt" after reading 10/11, I did hurty all of you. my bad.

This is just gonna be a lot of me saying thank you over and over, but THANK YOU! I try very hard to nail these characters. I think there's fully notes in my drafts saying "HE HAS TO DO THAT. IT'S GONNA FUCKING SUCK TO WRITE BUT IT'S WHAT HE'D DO SO HE HAS TO DO THAT" Everyone that thinks I'm a cool good writer would throw up if they saw what the draft looks like LMAO.

Syd's been very fun for me to write, because with Richie/Carmen I think in canon we've seen enough of them handling friendships/partners to understand how they work in those dynamics-- But Syd does not have girlfriends. Like that bitch has no one. I'm so broken about this. So envisioning how she'd work in that dynamic while still being herself has been very fun for me. Based on the way she acts in Season 3, I think I got it p down. She's a witty fun gworl who's also a bad bitch who also has anxiety. I love her.

IN YOUR NOTES, I REALLY AM SO HAPPY TO HEAR YOU WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT TONY IN THIS UNIVERSE. I really did stick my fucking foot in implementing her in everything lmao. She's SO carved in. Which I love-- Apparently Carmen hates that but i love. I could smooch tony so much better frfr.

Richie/Syd/Chip have been genuinely my favourite trio dynamic to write for. Everytime it's been Carmen/Syd/Chip he has a tendency to just shut the fuck up because he's very wallflowery-- I love that Richie will interject without even a percent of hesitation. I love my yapping father. I love how he just be talkin.

I HOPE YOU LIKED THE CHAPTER AFTER THIS ONE TOO!! Something to Do was a doozy and this next one is . i'm not gonna say anything except i. am . sorry....

AND ADDED TO THE TAGLIST YEEHAW THANK YOU FOR TELLING ME YOUR THOUGHTS IT MAKES MY GDANG DAY SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG TO GET TO RESPONDING !!!

[you-remind-me-of-the-babe]

Trope Grading Game

Thank you for the tags @aristocratic-otter and @artsyunderstudy! I really love hearing what y’all are into and why.

Rules: How much do these tropes affect your decision to click on a fic?

-10 -> very dissuaded

0 -> don’t care either way

+10 -> very enticed

nope -> if it’s a hard no and you’d never click on a fic with that tag or or you even have the tag blocked or you’d insta click out of the fic if it wasn’t tagged

Bonus points for explaining the rating and whether it’s conditional.

So the short answer is 0 for everything because I don’t read tags anymore because they never affected my choice to read a story the way a summary, snippet, rec or author gushing about their work would. But! even choosing with these methods the tropes bleed through so here are my rankings

Age gap: -1

I’m not opposed to it per se, I just don’t see the appeal. I just finished a book with side characters in a relationship with a big age gap and I tried to be open minded but it creeped me out a bit. Although I did write Baz as a 200 year old vampire so I guess there’s that! 😅

Codependency: +5

Yeah, give me two people leaning on each other. I think we suffer in silence too much. I think we need human connection. Gimme two people who aren’t afraid to ask for what they want. Yeah sure, it can be problematic but mostly I think it’s nice.

Obsession/possessiveness, jealousy: +5

I fucking love possessive Simon. Sometimes this trope isn’t done well in other stories but with Snowbaz I eat that shit up.

Opposites (grumpy/sunshine etc): +8

I looooove it. Working past your stereotypes? Becoming more open minded? Seeing someone on a deeper level? Grabby hands

Enemies to lovers, Enemies with benefits: +8

This is the majority of Snowbaz so obviously, yes. Sometimes I’m not a fan outside the fandom, but here it’s so good. And enemies with benefits??? Please. Cue me foaming at the mouth reading Restoration Ecology by @captain-aralias or it’s fabulous remix by @royalasstronaut.

Friends with benefits: +8

Yes please. As long as there’s some deep feelings involved, even if they come later, I’m there. And often with friendship you’ve got the platonic love there that sometimes builds to more so yes. More Than Friends by @fatalfangirl is an EXCELLENT example of this where they are just pining idiots from day 1 and I’m obsessed.

Sex to feelings: +10

FUCK YES. I will take it every time. I love sex, I love a good slow burn, I love sex with feelings. Make them earn it? PLEASE. Someone Wicked does this so well. @artsyunderstudy is the queen of sex with feelings.

Fake dating/relationship: +8

Yup, this is a goodie. even just fake friendship a la RWRB. Lovely. But yeah when their dating and they gotta kiss to sell it? And the other thinks they are faking but really that’s how they feel? Mmm hmm. Yummy.

Friends to lovers: +10

Y’all know this is my thing. I’ve written it several times. They love each other SO MUCH but they are too afraid to ruin their friendship so they feel they can’t make a move. The angst is right there and I love it.

Found family: +1

This can be great, but if that’s the whole premise I might pass. Fluff can be fun but if that’s all there is, I usually pass. But! If this is a theme in a longer fic with more complex plot? Then it can be really good.

Hurt/comfort: +1

Idk why but I associate this tag with shorter fics that just doesn’t actually hit that hard. Like, the hurt is little and immediately followed by the comfort. Give me the BIG angst. Hurt me good before you make it better. I looooove angst with a happy ending. So if that’s what we are doing then give it to me good.

Love triangle: -3

Meh. I always feel bad for the odd one out. I don’t like seeing the pining and angst without the pay out. And usually this is how it goes. If the third person is an asshole you just have to nudge out of the way, then maybe.

Poly, open relationship: -3

I’m actually quite curious about this and I bet it can be done right, but I usually go for a single OTP. Give me your recs though, I’d love to be convinced otherwise.

Mistaken/hidden identity: +10

Hell yes. They didn’t know it was that person all along? And they fell for them anyways? Fantastic. Even better is when they fall for the same person twice. Both hidden and not. And then! All is revealed and it’s the same person! Think love letters from a secret admirer, masquerade, etc. I mean there’s a reason network connectivity problems is the highest kudosed fic in the fandom.

Monsterfucking: +10

And bless this fandom for introducing me to it and going whole hog with our boys and their monster parts.

Pregnancy: -3

Been there, done that, don’t find it sexy. There’s some good mpreg fics in this fandom though so there are exceptions! Orange Juice by @orange-peony is a GREAT one that I really adored. This fandom just really delivers in any area.

Second chance: +9

Yes please! Unless own person is truly awful and doesn’t deserve it, but typically I love someone getting a chance to try and learn from their mistakes and try again. Don’t we all wish we could have a second chance at something?

Slow burn: +10

ITS SO SATISFYING! The payoff is so good after they’ve worked for it. My favorite.

Soulmates: +1

I love when characters can choose each other despite their destiny. I need conflict. I don’t know if I’ve read any Snowbaz ones. I think because I like them at odds and assume they won’t be. @artsyunderstudy is giving me recs to help me see the light LOL.

Who hasn’t done this? Tagging those above who haven’t done it plus a few more, if you’re up for it @whogaveyoupermission @iamamythologicalcreature @facewithoutheart @bookish-bogwitch @cutestkilla @thewholelemon @ivelovedhimthroughworse @ileadacharmedlife @raenestee @valeffelees

[baylardo]

i love threshold au as a babyfic (BARELY) with plot. its got all the right adverse elements for me and then i dont even gotta deal with pr*gnancy stuff it already HAPPENED haha.

its just got that yummy miserable combination of kathryn having wanted to be a mother and achieving it but at the cost that shes now been unfaithful to Mark. in some strange way. :) and her children very much represent that falter in her resolve. and I LIKE TO THINK that a part of her hyperevolved self knew exactly what she was doing. (you kinda get that impression at the end of Threshold from what she says about her initiating things) and her now and after the fact, havaing a vague sense and lingering awareness of what she did and that she wanted them. AND i dont think shed ever admit that to anyone, and is why she keeps her distance from her babies its like a HUUUUUGE guilt complex and she’s punishing herself for caving in a little bit. theres also obviously the TRANSFORMATION aspect of the au as well but i think what really eats at her the most in SEASON TWO is the former. but also theyre weird lizard babies and she can instinctively understand their moods and chirps and she hates it. but like acquiring babies So Rapidly with no thought behind it, no preparation, no warning, Delicious. :)

[whentherewerebicycles]

good morning!! we slept in till 7:15 which was so nice—turns out it’s lovely to get up with the sun instead of in the middle of the night haha. my college best friend is on a long road trip so we chatted for an hour and a half early this morning. it was really good to catch up with her and I got a lot of little chores done around the house while we were on the phone (my fave way to do chores lol I can do literally any household task if I have a friend on the phone). it was drizzling off and on this morning but it’s become a lovely clear day so I’d like to get up and get out of the house.

but first I want to chat a little out loud in my public diary!! I’ve been really good about cooking this week and I was thinking that I want a major goal for the next year to be to get into really solid eating and cooking habits… and to really focus on developing a repertoire of simple, healthy meals that I can lean on during (fingers crossed) the first couple years of having a kid. I know that under stress I default to takeout + microwave meals but I’ve made sooooo much progress in reshaping my eating habits over the past five years and I don’t want to backslide too much. I will never be someone who cares deeply about food or is interested in preparing super complex meals, but I know that for me making food is a way of concretely demonstrating care for my body/self, and when I stop doing that it means I’m probably letting a lot of other things slide too.

I’ve also been journaling a lot about what I want the cornerstones of my parenting practice to be—like, those few core things that are so important to me I want to spend a lot of time consciously laying the groundwork for them now so that even if I’m under extreme stress I’m prepared to make decisions that are aligned with those core goals/tenets/whatever. I hope that in general as a parent I can be flexible and decently committed to not sweating the small stuff when it comes to most things, but I want those few foundational things to be really solid, yknow?? and one of those things is food. I had such an unhealthy and confused relationship with food for so long, partly because it’s just real fucking hard to grow up as a girl immersed in our country’s batshit crazy and deeply cruel diet culture! but also I just was so uninformed about nutrition and so limited in my palate (that American monodiet), all of which made me more susceptible to the pressures of extreme binge dieting. I think my parents did a lot of small things right (in terms of not letting us eat much fast food, never allowing soda or other high calorie drinks, placing limits on sweets etc) but I also know they were raised on that same Midwestern monodiet and didn’t have much (or any) exposure to alternative ways of eating.

I really want my kid(s) to have a healthier relationship with food than I did, to have an internalized understanding of the basic nutritional principles behind what they eat, to eat the same mostly plant-based whole food diet I eat, and to be involved in preparing yummy non-processed meals for themselves from a young age. but of course in order to do this I have to really solidify those habits in myself too and equip myself with the knowledge I need to pass that knowledge on! as I said I have made a LOT of progress on that front over the past few years, but I want to make those habit changes even more ingrained and automatic for myself. I was thinking about how to make this into a fun project for myself—like something where I can see tangible progress and create something in the process—and I think I’ve settled on making a little personal cookbook for myself where I try a new simple-to-make plant-based recipe each week, take a photo of the meal and print it out, and write out a recipe card that includes advice to myself (like, tips for simplifying prep or preparing ahead of time to save time or putting a little garnish on it to make it look prettier)… and I’ll also include a breakdown of the nutritional components of the meal (not calories but like: this is a veggie-heavy meal with some healthy fats, or this is a protein-heavy meal but here’s how you can add extra veggies or pair it with a lighter meal earlier in the day). and then I’ll put the “cards” into those clear plastic sheet covers and store them in a binder organized by type of meal. I also really want my child to be involved in preparing food from a young age (I literally did not learn how to do a single cooking thing beyond boiling water until after college) so maybe as I go I can also leave myself little sticky note ideas for simple parts of each meal that a small child could contribute to. that way when I’m tired and frazzled a few years down the road I don’t have to expend any cognitive energy on figuring that stuff out—I can just be like oh ok so here’s where a kid could chop something soft with a plastic knife or here’s where we could pause and measure something out together.

anyway I am having fun working on it already! I haven’t started making the cards yet (I want to test out some possible templates and maybe buy some cardstock paper & other supplies) but I’m having a great time experimenting with recipes this week. last night I had friends over for dinner and I made these delicious sweet potato pita pockets with this lightly pickled cucumber salad liz made for me a few weeks ago… all of which takes about 10 min to prep and 20 min to come together. and then for breakfast today I’ve been trying to find easy alternatives to the handful of processed foods I still eat regularly, so I looked up how to make oatmeal in a rice cooker and made myself delicious fresh apple cinnamon oatmeal without any added sugar or preservatives. I also made that sweet potato chickpea curry earlier this weekend which is a great “make it in bulk and eat it all week” meal that feels fancier and more complex than it really is. and I found this “prepare ahead” veggie power bowl recipe I’m excited to try where you can roast a wide variety of veggies and cook a grain in advance, then mix and match throughout the week based on what combos sound good any given night. I think that doing the nutritional breakdowns will also be a good learning experience for me—I have a health condition which puts me at higher risk of insulin resistance/diabetes and can also affect fertility, and this will be a good way for me to drill myself on the glycemic index & help me figure out which meals are best for managing blood sugar spikes.

anyway it should be fun!!! since moving I’ve found that one way to really motivate myself to explore this new area is to ask myself “what new place will I check out this week?” and then to make it a priority to try a new park. and then on the day to day level too I try to ask myself “what’s a new thing I can try today?”, so I’ll turn left instead of right on a walk and explore where that takes me. I am so intensely a creature of habit & routine that I think it’s really good for me to build a habit of trying new things—otherwise I’ll just do the same thing over and over by rote. I’m the same way with eating so I’m hoping the same principle applies here! if I can build a habit of “each week I try out a new thing!” I can broaden my horizons a bit… and maybe I can even do some “what’s a new thing I can try in this meal?” thinking too to encourage myself to like, idk, try different spices or ratios or make interesting substitutions just to see how it turns out. plus I’ll have a BOOK of things I made by the end!!! like even if I just try 1-2 new things per week for a year that’s 50-100 options I’ll have in my repertoire, and then I can curate that collection however I want.

[queer--wingdings]

YES AN EXCUSE TO SHARE SOME OF MY GO-TO RECIPES

Breakfast Bagel

requirements: bagel (plain or everything are go-to but take your pick), microwave sausage patties, sliced cheese, optional condiments/add-ons, microwaveable plate

toast bagel to preference, microwave sausage patty/ies, i usually do one but 2 is good if you want more calories. hell go for 3+ if you think your health can handle it. put patty on bagel, add cheese. if u want toppings add them. voila!

pros: fast, only uses one plate, very very minimal effort

cons: not very filling, very greasy

2. Sweet Grilled Cheese

requirements: bread (i usually go for white or sourdough), cream cheese, jam or jelly (STRAWBERRY JAM>>>>>), optional arugula, pan you can cook grilled cheese in

spread cream cheese on 2 slices of bread. put jam/jelly on top of one. butter pan. put slice without jelly on heat. once it is sorta toasty put arugula on. put other slice on top. continue cooking the way you'd cook a grilled cheese.

pros: more nutritious and filling than most recipes on this list,

cons: complex, not to everyone's taste, requires fine motor skills,

note: in general i find grilled cheeses are great bc they're super versatile, you can add meats, vegetables, any type of cheese, whatever, AND they're filling and actually feel like a meal, a lot of these you need to eat other things as well to feel full.

anyway

3. Salad my beloved

requirements: leafy greens, whatever you want, optional carrots, shredded/grated cheese, nuts, dried cranberries, bowl

mix ur stuff. chop up. eat.

pros: super versatile, one dish,

cons: might not be super filling? i can't think of any

note: i like those specific ingredients because it fills all food groups except grain which i have plenty of either way, but salad is overall one of the best ones cause you just throw shit in a bowl and ur good. other uncommon favorites are snap peas, diced or dried apples, chow mein, pumpkin or sunflower seeds, bacon bits, crispy onions, i know i already said nuts but they're so yummy and so good for you (unless you're allergic, in which case L+ratio)

that's all for now, most of my other go to's don't have specific recipes or are fairly complex, i'll add more if i ever think of it.

People with low spoons, someone just recommended this cookbook to me, so I thought I'd pass it on.

I always look at cookbooks for people who have no energy/time to do elaborate meal preparations, and roll my eyes. Like, you want me to stay on my feet for long enough to prepare 15 different ingredients from scratch, and use 5 different pots and pans, when I have chronic fatigue and no dishwasher?

These people seem to get it, though. It's very simple in places. It's basically the cookbook for people who think, 'I'm really bored of those same five low-spoons meals I eat, but I can't think of anything else to cook that won't exhaust me'.

And it's free!

[journeydb]

October 31 2023 Barcelona

Happy Halloween! This afternoon we had a community costume party at the community center at our Illa de la Llum apartment complex. People really dressed up, kids and adults alike! There were witches, pirates, Spidermen, clowns, ghosts, pumpkins, and firefighters, as well as many other creative costumes. The committee running the party did a great job decorating and they also laid out an amazing spread of food that people had donated. I couldn't eat a single thing.

The little ones were adorable and some took it more seriously than others. I think these girls are supposed to be black cats, don't you?

Oscar and Michael's girls took their picture with me and I was impressed with their costumes. The twins, Valentina and Paula are preteens now and a lot more serious than they used to be and their "little" sister, Julieta, who is nearly as tall as Valentina, is always trying to keep up with them. Me? I'm just a kid at heart so Little Red Riding Hood seemed perfect for me.

Oh my gosh, the baby angel and toddler Batman were so cute!

I had just enough time to go home and make dinner for Bruce before the Trick or Treaters arrived. First they stopped at our neighbors' door, where the dad, Keko had rigged up a very scary light show. The kids loved it and I actually heard a few kids scream.

The kids were all so excited to Trick-or-Treat in our complex, where we usually have about fifty kids show up at the door. I had mostly small toys and trinkets for them because I don't believe in giving out lots of candy, but I also did have a few dark chocolate mini-bars without too much sugar.

As the night wore on the kids got older, so by the time we ran out of candy and toys, I turned out all the lights and wouldn't answer the door.

As Bruce and I left for the party at our friends Carla and Carlos's place, we stopped at Oscar's. I had bought a woodsman costume for Bruce and he didn't want to wear it so I gave to Oscar earlier in the day. It turned out to be pretty scary with the wolf mask he already had so we staged a photo with The Big Bad Wolf menacing Little Red Riding Hood and it turned out to be rather convincing.

By the time we arrived at Carla's place, everybody had been eating and drinking for a while and the sangria was flowing and the karaoke was loud, but we all had fun with it, even the husbands.

I'm not sure what the "stick your tongue out" move on Branka's part was all about but Mafe (Maria Fernanda) looked happy and Carla's dog looked bored.

Pepi, Fernanda, and Carla got a little carried away with the groping scene and it looked like the color scheme for the costumes was black and red, so I guess I fit in, kind of.

Araceli and Angie fit right in and Javier was dressed to save everyone's Souls, so we were in good company.

The guys usually don't like to dress up and Toni and Bruce were no exception but whoever was under the scary mask, and I think it was Carlos, didn't read the playbook.

Michele's mother, Iria, looked lovely in her Day of the Dead costume. I'm still not sure what Araceli's costume was supposed to be but the thing on her head looked like a spider.

I'm not good at karaoke, especially in Portuguese, but I did my best to sing along with everyone else. Michele was the best and had the sultry voice to be able to pull off the Latin pop and jazz songs.

If there is one mixed drink I like here it's definitely sangria and Carla makes a yummy pitcher with lots of fruit. I might have had a couple of glasses but I felt like it was more. Bruce wasn't complaining.

It was one of, if not the most fun Halloween parties I've been to in a long time but by the witching hour I was ready to call it a night while the rest of them partied on. Even the kids here stay up later than I do!

Yes, there WERE children at this party but none of them sang karaoke, to my knowledge. Iris is a pre-teen now and her devil costume was not appropriate because if there has ever been an angel child, she is it. Julia made a good witch but, apart from a few meltdowns I've heard she has had, she's a really sweet little girl, so that costume was off base. Of course, it's Halloween, so people are supposed to dress up like someone else, especially their alter ego.

I didn't know the other girl, I think she was a friend of Santiago's and I don't even think she was wearing a costume, but Santiago was his usual mischievous self. He seemed to be sans costume also, unless there was some significance to the t-shirt that I missed.

Iris has always been like Julia's big sister. Since their mothers are best friends that makes sense. They are both getting SO tall and they aren't really little kids any more, either. Iris just turned twelve in September and Julia turned nine in July. Iris is taller than I am and Julia will be by the time she turns ten next summer. It always happens that the little ones are taller than I am by the time they are ten!

[phoenixlandingfoundation]

Easy Homemade Seed Crackers

Another great idea by Lynn Galbreath

My parrots love anything crunchy – wood, cardboard, door jams, baseboards, pellets, Nutri-berries and yes, crackers. Yummy, yummy crackers.

Our Maximillian Pionus came from a Craigslist ad posted by a family that inherited her. They knew nothing about parrots and didn’t want to learn. In the few months that this little MaxiPi was in transition she lived on goldfish crackers and almonds. She was, needless to say, rather addicted to both when she came home with us, as well as being on the cusp of major malnutrition. She is still a picky eater and does not accept new foods well. In fact, she totally refuses all fruit —- what parrot doesn’t like at least some fruits?

We adopted our brown throated conure Sunny AKA Alonzo from Phoenix Landing. Coming through the Phoenix Landing program he was certainly in a much better nutritional place. In fact, Alonzo is a great little eater… if he thinks it’s food he will try nearly anything. His one exception is nuts —- what parrot refuses to eat any kind of nut?

I have two seed cracker recipes that both birds love and are healthy for all of us. These crackers are actually “people food” as well as “parrot food” so it is nice to be able to make something using only one recipe that everyone in my family can (and will!) eat. Crackers, even healthy ones, are obviously not good for a full-time diet but they can and do make wonderful treats or rewards. Also, the two birds are just so cute sitting there munching away while making little happy “this tastes yummy” sounds.

Crackers are easy to make. Crackers are also simple — well at least these recipes are. I don’t cook anything fancy or complex as it’s too much bother. So, if you want a cracker that will take all day and will dirty every dish you own you’ll have to search for some other recipe, because I’m not going there. There are really only 3 tricks to having a great homemade cracker:

#1 Use parchment baking paper so they don’t stick to your pan

#2. Spread the dough mixture somewhat thinly – super thin is more crunchy but a bit thicker makes more sturdy crackers

#3 Keep an eye on them as they bake because crackers can burn quickly (thinness does that)

Here are my two recipes. I have included pictures of the process for making the first recipe – The Basic Seed Crackers.These two types of crackers are similar to each other but also different. The second recipe – KnekkeBrod- has rye flour which the first one doesn’t so it tastes and looks different. As far as I can tell no one in my family of four (1 husband and 2 birds, plus me) has a real preference between the two crackers. The human’s choice of cracker seems to depend on a dip (if one is available); and the avian’s choice of cracker is whatever they can get their little beaks on. One bonus of baking seed cracker recipes is that they are quite forgiving – you can swap one seed for another as you see fit or to use whatever you have on hand. The other bonus is that obviously you know exactly what the ingredients are, and you don’t need preservatives. If you think you cannot eat the crackers in a timely manner they can be frozen.

A big plus for me is that both these crackers contain ground flaxseed. This is so very nutritious for the parrots and I’m always on the lookout to find things they like to eat that are good for them. The birds become excited when they see me getting the cracker container out of the cupboard, with Sydney the Pionus doing a little twirly dance. Alonzo prefers to signal his excitement with a series of Beep, Beep, Beeping calls.

BASIC SEED CRACKERS

Since these crackers don’t contain anything but seeds, the recipe is dairy-free, egg-free, grain (gluten) free, soy-free, nut-free, and sugar-free. If you take this recipe and make 24 crackers each one is supposed to have 56 calories.

Equipment:

Baking pan or cookie pan

Mixing bowl

Knife or pizza cutter

Measuring cups

Measuring spoon

Ingredients:

¾ cup ground flaxseed

½ cup sunflower seeds

⅓ cup sesame seeds, unhulled has much more calcium

½ cup water

You want the recipe’s amount worth of seeds (½ cup plus ⅓ cup): I have at different times substituted some pumpkin seeds, an organic 6 seed mix that I also use for sprouting, chia seeds, or a few pine nuts and so on for a portion of the official seeds named in the recipe. It actually doesn’t hurt to have just a tiny bit more seeds but too many and the ground flaxseed won’t be able to “glue” it together.

Instructions:

#1. Arrange a rack in the middle of the oven. Preheat the oven to 300*F.

#2. Mix. Add all the seeds and salt into a mixing bowl and stir everything until well combined. Add the water and stir again. After a minute or so you’ll notice the mixture begin to thicken.

#3. Let the mixture sit for a few minutes – 2 or 3 should be enough. The key to making these crackers work is to allow the ground flaxseeds to absorb all the water. It will gel.

#4. Spread. Transfer the mixture onto a parchment paper lined baking sheet. Spread into an even thin layer. A damp rubber spatula is great for this, but you can just wet your hands and kind of pat it down. The thickness of the crackers is up to you.

#5 Bake. (This is easier to do than to describe.) Bake for 10 minutes, then remove and score with a knife or pizza cutter so that breaking it into nice cracker shapes will be easier after it’s done. If you want a rustic look and think breaking into odd shaped pieces is fine, skip the scoring. I’ve done both and to me it doesn’t matter. Bake for another 20 minutes.

At this point, whether you scored the crackers or not you have baked them for 30 minutes total.

Now you need to “flip” the crackers. Take the baking sheet out of the oven. The easiest way to flip the cracker is to slide the parchment paper off from the baking sheet onto a big cutting board or a second baking sheet or even the top of the oven if you are desperate. The crackers are still on the parchment paper. Then take your baking sheet (careful it’s still hot) and cover the crackers. Pick up the cutting board (or the edges of the parchment paper -this is harder) and flip the entire thing over. Now your crackers are upside down on the original baking sheet.

Peel the parchment paper off and bake until the edges are golden brown, about 20 minutes. Adjust the baking time depending on how golden and crispy you prefer. Keep an eye on the crackers now so they don’t burn as that happens quickly. You can feel how crisp the crackers are becoming by poking them with a finger. They also crisp up a bit as they cool.

#6 Cool and Store. Transfer the baked cracker to a cooling rack and let cool completely. This may be unnecessary, I let mine cool sitting on the baking sheet just the way they came out of the oven. Then break the cracker along the scored lines. Store in an airtight container for up to 1 week or in the refrigerator for up to 1 month.

KNEKKE BROD (Norwegian Crisp Bread)

This is a Norwegian Seed Cracker. As a human food you can’t beat pairing it with cheese or jam. As a parrot food it competes with any other treat in my bird’s opinions. The baking method for these crackers is easier than for the Basic Seed Crackers as you do not have to flip them over. I don’t have any calorie amounts for this recipe as it came to me hand-written and passed through the family. I also don’t care enough to struggle to figure it out— if you must calculate calories have fun.

Equipment:

Baking pan or cookie pan

Mixing bowl

Knife or pizza cutter

Measuring cups

Measuring spoon

Ingredients:

½ cup quick oats – (but regular oats will work)

½ cup rye flour

½ cup sunflower seeds

½ cup sesame seeds, unhulled has more calcium

½ cup oat bran

¼ cup wheat bran

¼ cup ground flaxseeds

1 and ½ cups water

I have at different times substituted some pumpkin seeds, an organic 6 seed mix that I also use for sprouting, chia seeds, or a few pine nuts and so on for a portion of the official seeds named in the recipe. I know that’s heresy to some KnekkeBrod purists however at least pumpkin seeds are included in other recipes, so there you go. Parrots First!! 🙂 There are lots of KnekkeBrod recipes on-line with all sorts of tweaks; this is my family’s recipe.

Instructions:

#1. Heat oven to 325*F

#2. Mix together and let it sit for 10 minutes.

#3. Spread thinly on parchment baking paper. You will probably need 2 large cookie sheets for this amount. I have discovered the mixture also bakes fine in a casserole dish if you only have one cookie sheet. A damp spatula or damp finger works well to spread and smooth the mixture. Try not to leave any holes because the edges of the hole will probably burn.

#4. Bake for 10 minutes. Then remove from oven and score crackers with a sharp knife or a pizza cutter. You don’t have to cut all the way through the crackers and they do not have to be separated because when they bake they don’t “rise” they merely dry out.

#5. Return to oven and bake for 1 hour and 15 minutes. Keep a close eye on the crackers that last 15 minutes as they can burn quickly. Turn off oven, open oven door, and let them cool in the oven. They cool slower this way and it’s supposed to assist their crunchy-ness. I don’t know if that is true or a family KnekkeBrod legend but I’ve always done it.

#6. Then break the cracker along the scored lines. Store in an airtight container. These seem to keep very well.