#it's a topic that usually causes me a lot of anxiety to talk about

[tatsumi-rin]

Oh shit Guero by Beck... I never processed the fact that I was kind of obsessed with that album as a teenager. Totally should have held onto my copy for shits and giggles instead of donating it back to whence it came, but it's not irreplaceable if I want it back. Scouring the shelves for it and other albums in charity shops when a Spotify subscription wasn't viable and I wanted something tangible I could hold was pretty fun though.

I can't remember a lot of my more music tastes at the time being all that cool in 2012-2014. Some were popular, sure - just not something I would share too much of lest I open myself to more criticism from family and friends (still got some banger gorillaz merch for my 18th though). I was going through my "anything not immediately playing on music channels or the radio is infinitely more cool" phase, but also kind-of-an-emo-but-not-really phase along with my "I like the idea of 90s music but Nirvana is too mainstream" phase (💀💀💀💀), and most importantly what I like to term my Napstablook phase - aka; finding the most obscure music possible on random websites for indie releases and such in a manner not unlike the Undertale character. I like to think Toby Fox somehow had a vision of me at that time whilst I was listening to his contributions to the Homestuck soundtrack and made that character and Alphys based on me specifically (kidding).

Just a little weirdo teenager in an Adventure Time hoodie sat in the corner; talking to no one and either vent doodling or trying my best to cram A-level biology in its entirety into my foggy head whilst wrapped in often taped-up pound shop headsets. Ironically with how many I went through, there was no way I could convince my family to let me get anything more expensive when these things broke so much.

I honestly look and realize that this is uhhh probably when my music tastes solidified lmao...All of that music was weirdly important in that ways these things can be when you're 16.

[insanechayne]

~ ~ ~

[dira333]

Of Lovers and Friends - Ushijima x Reader

thank you @screamin-abt-haikyuu talking to you is inspiring

If you find a typo, I wrote this instead of going to bed. Goodnight.

“Just a Tonic Water, please,” You order, well aware of all the eyes on you.

“Are you sick?” Kindaichi asks, already pressing a hand against your forehead.

“Pregnant?” Kunimi’s next, though less serious.

“As if, you can’t get pregnant from RPG,” Makki points out, licking foam off his lip.

“You would know,” you tell him, a little peeved, as you push Kindaichi away.

“I’m fine. I just have a date later.”

Yahabi whistles, clearly impressed. God, you need to amp up your game. This is just sad.

“Who is it?” Kyoutani asks, forever your best friend. Or at least the one guy who’s seemingly the least interested in teasing you.

“I don’t know, my Mom set us up. She went to school with his Mom or something like that. I just know that he plays Volleyball and is about my age.”

“Could be anyone,” Watari mumbles into his Aperol Spritz.

“Could be Ushijima,” Mattsun jokes, causing Makki to choke on his beer, spluttering as he bellows out a laugh.

“Can you imagine? That would be hilarious!”

“Har har har,” you thank the waitress for your drink and lean back in your chair, “Can we change the topic? Does Makki have a job yet?”

“Uncalled for!” Makki points an accusing finger at you. “And no. But a little birdy told me that Kyoutani’s got a fangirl.”

Kyoutani blushes, glaring into his drink. The girl must mean something to him if he’s trying to pull himself together like this. You swerve to look at Kindaichi who’s managed to spill his diet coke - again.

“What about you? Did you call that girl we met at the coffee shop?”

“No,” he ducks his head. “I didn’t. I was… I didn’t want to make a fool out of myself.”

“Yeah, well, you did,” Makki lets his eyes wander as usual, “Tell you what. There’s a nice girl with her friends two tables over. We’ll get you her number but you have to call. Or at least send her some funny memes, okay?”

“Okay,” Kindaichi’s looking at you. Makki’s looking at you.

You groan and get up. “Next time you get someone else to get that number, okay? This is the last time.”

“Love you too, pumpkin!” Makki calls after you as you make your way over. These patterns have turned familiar.

-

You should have gotten a beer, you think two hours later as you wait, your legs twitching with anxiety. 

You’ve been painfully single for so long that you can’t help but feel you should have worn a dress or at least something more fancy than the jeans and top combo you’re sporting. But it’s comfy and it sets you at ease. And you’ve always been an advocate for being yourself on the first date. If they don’t like you like that, they won’t matter anyway.

So far that has brought you a lot of first dates and not a lot of second dates.

A deep voice calls out your name. You turn, your hands clutching the single purple carnation you had to bring - your mother’s idea. 

You spot the flower first, a tiny purple thing held in massive hands. He’s tall, impressively so. You let your eyes wander up as he walks over, the flickering street light casting long shadows over his face until he’s reached you and the soft warm glow of the restaurant behind you. 

Your heart skips a painful beat as he attempts a rather forced smile.

“Ushijima-kun,” you stutter, the confidence earned in twenty-something years shattered and replaced by the anxious brain of a teenager.

He offers you his hand, the one without the flower and you take it. His palm swallows yours, his grip warm and firm. If you can blend out the history your team has with his, that your friends have with him, you can give him a chance, right?

-

“Are you close with your mother?” He asks in the tense moment when the food’s already been ordered and the drinks aren’t served yet. It’s the worst possible question to ask, too, because no, you’re not close. Not since she went through with the divorce, unable to settle with a man ever since, as dissatisfied with them as she is with life, her business, you.

You don’t ramble often, but you do when you’re nervous. 

If he’s taken aback by the flood of words, of trauma seemingly long overcome, he does not show. He’s like a rock, sitting steadfast in the crashing river of your emotions, unmoving, sturdy.

When you’re finished, throat a little dry, he nods slowly. 

“My parents are divorced as well,” he says. You wonder if he’s told it often. 

“How was it for you?” You ask and the surprise in his eyes tells you that he hasn’t been asked this before. 

His tale is told more slowly. He hands out information bit by bit, always confirming that you’re still listening, still interested in what he has to say about this topic. You share a bottle of wine over his parent's divorce, the main dish just an accessory to the topic at hand. 

When his words run dry and the last drop of wine is poured into your glass, your mind a little fuzzy and his lips tinted a little blue, you are full and empty at the same time. All the anxiety has left you over dinner. 

Seijoh and your friends are far, far away but Ushijima - Wakatoshi, as he asks you to call him - is right there.

“Do you want to share dessert?” You ask and his eyes light up with a new emotion, one you haven’t seen before on him. It’s a little softer, makes him look a little younger, maybe.

“Do you like chocolate?” He asks, leaning forward a bit as if to share a secret.

“Who doesn’t?” You ask back and learn about his best friend.

-

“This was nice,” you say when he walks you to the train station, slowing his steps to be in tune with yours. The cold night air does wonders for your fuzzy brain but the chill is less pleasant. You shiver.

“Here.” A warm weight settles over your shoulders. His jacket drapes over your skin like it was made for this. It smells good, too. 

It’s not the first time you wonder if there will be a second date. But it’s the first time you really, really hope there is.

The train station appears much too soon. You want to prolong this evening, stay longer in this emotion that you cannot name. But you’re a realist at heart and you slip his jacket off before you become too used to its warmth.

“Keep it,” his large hand stops your movement, easily takes hold of yours. “You can give it back the next time.”

“Next time?” You ask, unable to keep that hopeful tone out of your voice. 

“I don’t have much free time,” Wakatoshi explains, “Could we meet again in a week? Same time, same place?”

You nod, much too eager to come off as nonchalant. It reminds you of Kindaichi, but you cannot bring yourself to care. You give him your number and feel your lips slip into a smile when he immediately texts you so that you have his as well.

Overhead your trains arrival is announced. You turn, still unwilling to part.

“Until Friday,” Wakatoshi says, one last wave. “Good night.”

- - -

You sleep well, better than you have in days.

It’s only when you wake up that you realize what this means.

You have a second date. The first in a long time. 

But as excited as you are for it, dread still settles in your stomach. How on earth will you explain this to your friends?

The answer is, you don’t.

When you meet up for beers and games on wednesday, Makki consolingly pats your shoulder. He seems to think your date went awful and you do nothing to correct him. You only feel a little guilty. It’s his fault for not even asking.

The others seem to already have forgotten. The news of Kindaichi getting a first date is more exciting and you let yourself get dragged into it, give him fashion advice - that goes ignored - and laugh with the others when Yahaba tries to fix his hair.

It’s only Friday afternoon that your nerves make themselves known.

Surely there’s nothing wrong in dressing similar again. Wakatoshi didn’t seem to mind and neither should you.

But you want to, you desperately want to… look a little better. You want him to look at you, unable to catch his breath, unable to form words, at least for a few seconds. Is that too much to ask for?

But you don’t own any Make-up, courtesy of rebelling against everything that makes you think of your mother. So you do the next best thing and call Mattsun.

“I’m not late,” he answers, immediately defensive. Right, you’re still on for drinks before the date. You can’t think about that now.

“I don’t care. Get your girlfriend on the phone, I need help.”

“What? Why?”

“Girls-stuff, you wouldn’t understand.” 

Miri agrees to join you for drinks. According to her she won’t need more than ten minutes in the bar bathroom to give you a little bit of an extra kick.

“You don’t want to look too different to what he’s seen the last time,” she reasons as you go over the few options of fancier clothes you have.

You're anxious the whole time, nurse one soda after the other. Even Kunimi notices.

“Second date?” Kyoutani asks. Makki’s eyes widen in surprise. You hate it.

“Maybe,” you grumble, getting up to pee once more. 

“What? You didn’t tell us the first one went well.”

“You didn’t ask,” you tell him as you make your escape to the bathroom. But this is Makki. He doesn’t let go of a topic.

“What’s his name?” He asks as soon as you’re back. “What team does he play for?”

“Let me get through this date first,” you huff, trying to sound more relaxed than you are. 

“He’s nice?” Kyoutani asks, able to put a threat and a question and a whole lot of worry in those few words. 

“Yeah,” you say, a little flustered just by the thought of him. The boys go silent around you. 

“Wow, you really like that guy,” Mattsun points out. 

“Shut up,” you grumble and empty your glass, calling for another. You don’t want to talk about it.

“Anyway,” Miri points out and you’ll forever be thankful for that, for her switching topics when you need it most, “Mattsun and I have decided to move together. We’re still debating about which apartment to move into, though.”

“Are you for real?” Makki’s always the first to put in his two cents, “Miri’s apartment is way better.”

Miri laughs. “Thank you Makki, I knew I could count on you.”

-

“There, done.” Miri steps away. You look at yourself in the mirror, the knots in your stomach slowly loosening. You don’t look like a clown, not like your mother either. 

“What did you do?” You ask, a little perplexed by how long your lashes suddenly are. 

“Mascara and some eyeliner. A little lipgloss too, you can reapply it when you’re at the restaurant.”

“Thank you.”

“Anytime. If you want, we can go shopping for some of this stuff. You don’t need much and I can show you how to do the little things you might want to do sometimes.”

“Ah,” you look away, embarrassed, “Let me get through this date first.”

Miri smiles, understanding visible in her eyes. 

“Go get him, tiger,” she tells you when you part ways.

- - -

Wakatoshi is already waiting for you. 

Warmth pools in your stomach when he stills at your sight, his eyes warm as they wander over your face. 

“You look beautiful,” he tells you and you have to look away, too flustered to face him for a second.

“Am I not beautiful all the time?” You joke, hoping against hope that he does not notice the way your voice breaks slightly.

“Of course,” Wakatoshi tells you immediately, not an ounce of insincerity in his voice. You have to swallow twice before you’re able to talk again.

“You’re very pretty too,” your voice is doing funny things. You offer your hand to shake, a little unsure of what greeting is correct. He takes your hand in his, not to shake it, but to hold it all the way to the table and you’re unable to look anyone in the eyes until you’re seated, your insides a fluttery mess.

-

“Can I see you again?” Wakatoshi asks when you reach the train station, his jacket a comforting weight on your shoulders, your hand resting in his.

You nod, unable to hide your eagerness. 

You can’t blame the buzzing of your mind on alcohol this time. He’s calmly explained that he can’t drink often with his strict diet, has to choose between dessert or a glass of wine most of the time. It didn’t feel right to drink when he wasn’t allowed to.

Somehow your conversations feel deeper, more meaningful without the alcohol coating them. You know he means it when he asks and he knows you mean it when you nod.

Overhead, your train is announced. You don’t let go of his hand.

“I could do a little walk,” you say, “What do you say?”

You kiss his cheek when you eventually part. His skin is soft and warm underneath your lips. It follows you into your dreams.

-

On Wednesday you get a text just as you head out to meet the boys for beers and games.

“I’ve got out of practice earlier. Do you want to go for a walk?”

You go back inside, put on the lipgloss Miri had lent you as you text him your confirmation. You think about kissing him and wipe it off again, unsure of what you want. In the end you put it into your pocket just in case.

“Can’t come today, I have another date,” you text the group chat. 

Makki’s the first to answer, per usual, but his use of emojis has your anxiety rising so you put your phone on silent. You’ll deal with this on Friday.

It’s not yet time for the Sakura blossoms, but the park is beautiful anyway.

Not that you can focus on much besides the feeling of your hand in his, the way his voice rumbles in his chest as he talks about practice and his plans to meet up with his old teammates. 

You like this, the calmness of it all. You like him, with his serious expression and his direct way of asking. You like how he never fails to ask how your day has been, how he’s interested in all aspects of your work, even the little ones that no one seems to care about.

You like him, a lot. And if the way he looks at you is any indication, he likes you too. 

It’s when you’re on your way back, the setting sun bringing forth a chill, that someone calls your name.

You turn, your hand still firmly in Wakatoshi’s grasp, only to spot Kyoutani. He’s frozen on a near path and you know with certainty that he’s recognized your date. Your heart beats painfully in your throat and you feel sick.

“Everything okay?” Wakatoshi asks at the same time the girl next to Kyoutani pulls her massive scarf down to look at you. She looks familiar, blond hair, brown eyes, petite figure. It’s only when she opens her mouth to ask Kyoutani what’s going on that you recongize her. She’d been Karasuno’s volleyball manager. Yachi something.

Kyoutani seems to realize that you’ve recognized her because his face turns dark. He shakes his head at Yachi, points into the distance and leads her away. 

You’re still frozen next to Wakatoshi, realization washing over you like the cold floods of the  Tamagawa. 

“Is everything okay?” He asks again, cradling your face in his hands to make you look at him. You blink to clear your mind, wish you could just lean into his touch and disappear forever.

“You know what school I went to, right?”

“Aoba Johsai, yes. You were a manager for their volleyball team.”

“Yes,” He must have realized the truth already, still he asks you to say it out loud. “I’m still friends with the team, like you are with yours. They are not… They’re not fans of you.”

“I understand.” Wakatoshi nods. His hands slip away from your face, you miss them immediately.

You didn’t plan for it to go like this. He’s got an uncanny ability to make you open yourself up. Being vulnerable feels less scary when it’s him. 

He takes your hand again, guides you around the park for another round as you tell him all there is to know about your poor attempts at dating. How it sucks to be “just one of the boys” sometimes. How it hurts that they don’t even ask anymore if you’ve got a second date. How scary it is to admit to them that you’re dating him.

You bite your tongue after those last words. You’ve been on two dates so far, this is your third. Is it too forward to call this “dating”? What if he’s not-

“I understand if you want to keep this a secret for longer,” he says. His voice is heavy in a way that tells you that there’s more to it. 

Two things can be true at the same time. Understanding it won’t mean that he’ll appreciate it.

“I will… I will try and talk to them,” you promise. And you will. Even if you could keep this a secret, you won’t if it hurts him. And you can tell that it hurts.

-

You wish you could kiss him goodbye. But you can tell that he’s distanced himself, put up a wall to protect his heart. 

“On Wednesday we usually meet up to drink beer and play games,” you explain, wringing your hands, “They should all be there right now. Well, except Kyoutani. I will... I will go and talk to them right now.”

He nods. Your voice breaks a little when you ask. “Are we still- Are we still on for Friday?”

“Of course,” his deep voice soothes your anxious heart a little. You take a step forward and hug him, stiff and awkward, before you move back.

“I really like you, Wakatoshi,” you say before you can take it back, swallow it down, hide it from the world. 

“I like you too.”

- - -

Makki is already buzzed when he opens the door.

It’s probably not the best time to talk about things like this, but you want to get this over with. If you talk about it now, the dust will settle by Friday. Or so you hope.

There’s an iPad on the coffee table, Iwaizumi and Oikawa grinning back at you. You accept a beer, almost drop it with how jumpy you are, your legs unable to stay still.

“So, how was your date?” Makki asks, cutting off one of Oikawa’s rants.

“Good,” you say and take another sip of beer, “We met Kyoutani at the park.”

“Oh?” Mattsun looks up from his phone. “So you met the girl he fancies?”

“Maybe,” you shrug, unwilling to give up his secret. He’s got his one fears to face. 

“What you mean, dear Mattsun,” Makki teases, “Is that Kyoutani met her boyfriend.”

Oikawa gasps dramatically. “No way?! You got a boyfriend? Who is it!”

“Ushijima,” you say, ripping the bandaid off in one swoop.

Makki cackles, spurned on by Oikawa’s apparent confusion.

“Good one,” Mattsun jokes as Iwaizumi snorts. The younger players don’t think the joke’s that funny. It’s Kunimi who bothers you the most, his perceptive eyes locked onto your face.

“Guys,” he cuts through the laughter, “She’s serious.”

And it would have turned out better, you suppose, without the beer. Because Oikawa gets more petulant when drunk and Makki’s jokes are a bit less funny and a lot more mean when he’s buzzed. The younger guys don’t really know how to mediate. That has always been your job, or Iwaizumi’s. But the distance does not work in your favor.

You leave half an hour after you’ve arrived, angry tears streaming down your face. 

It’s always the people closest to you that hurt you the most. They know what parts of you are the most sensible, and which parts of you are still bruised, still in the process of healing.

You press your phone to your ear.

Wakatoshi picks up right away.

“I talked to them,” you press out. Your voice is doing funny things again and you swallow back another wave of tears, less motivated by anger and more by hurt.

“Do you want to come over?” He asks and you don’t hesitate to agree.

It hurts to fight, to possibly lose good friends over something as stupid as old rivalries, but Wakatoshi is good at soothing over it, with warm hands and the gentle rumble of his voice as he holds you close.

-

You don’t meet up with the boys on Friday. No one has bothered to invite you.

You watch Wakatoshi practice instead, laughing about Kageyama who pesters you about how to better his form - you’re a licensed sports therapist after all - and teasing Hoshiumi who fake gags every time you throw Wakatoshi a kiss. 

You move your date to Wakatoshi’s apartment, cook dinner together - it turns out pretty decent - and talk through the night. When you wake up in his arms on Saturday morning you know that you want this to go on, that you want this to be a relationship that lives instead of dies, one that strengthens over time.

- - -

You’re a little surprised to find Mattsun and Makki at your work. 

It’s Wednesday and they should be working too, well, at least Mattsun should.

“Iwaizumi called us every day,” Mattsun admits eventually, “Apparently we’ve been dicks.”

“Yeah,” you tell him bluntly, noticing that Makki’s still stubbornly staring out of the window. “You were.”

“Oikawa’s still pissed,” Mattsun admits next, taking a seat in front of your desk. “But he’ll get around. Kunimi pointed out that it was a blind date. You didn’t actively pick him.”

“Even if-” You start but Mattsun just shakes his head. “It’s Oikawa. Logic does not pull.”

“I’m only apologizing-” Makki interrupts, huffs, and continues, “I’ll only apologize if you do too.” He glares at you. Mattsun’s looking too, though his eyes are softer.

Finally, you nod and get up, offering your hand for Makki to shake.

“I’m sorry I made fun of you. It’s not your fault that you got fired.”

He huffs again. You know that sound. He sounds like that when he’s trying not to cry. And you suppose you can’t fault him for that. Friends just know where it hurts the most.

But he shakes your hand, his grip a bit firmer than it needs to be.

“I’m sorry that I called you an ugly bitch that has no game.”

Suddenly you can’t help but laugh. It flows freely, from deep within, has you bending over the desk as you cackle. They laugh along, softly first before it breaks out of them too.

“All good?” Makki asks when you eventually calm down.

“All good,” you agree, looking over at Mattsun. He shrugs. “Don’t look at me, I’ve always been good.”

“Sure,” you joke, “But just so you know, I’ll bring Wakatoshi along tonight.”

Makki rolls his eyes. “Whatever. I’ll smoke him at Mario Kart.”

As it turns out, however, Wakatoshi smokes him.

Who knew he had it in him?

.

-.- Warsaw -.-

The front door closes with a soft click, alerting you.

“Shh!” You hiss at the boys before turning toward the door of the living room. 

“Hey honey, welcome home!”

“Hi,” Wakatoshi steps inside, spots the beer and your laptop screen and waves. “Beers and Games?”

“Yeah, but it’s not that important.” You get up to kiss him, ignoring Makki who’s trying to make a point of his importance. “You wanna go out to eat?”

“Can we stay in?” He asks, “There’s this new movie that Satori recommended.”

“Yeah, sure,” you nod. “Go shower. I’ll make some food.”

He smiles and leans in for another kiss, waving at the camera before he leaves for the bathroom.

“So he doesn’t know, huh?” Mattsun asks as you pick up your laptop and carry it to the kitchen.

“No, I want to tell him tonight. Thanks for not spoiling it guys.”

“Anytime,” Kindaichi pipes in. You bet he’s got no clue what you’re talking about. “What are you making?”

“Golabki,” you answer, “Cabbage roles. I’ve been obsessed with these lately.” 

You catch up while you cook, eager to hear more about Kindaichi’s budding relationship or Makki’s latest work adventure. Even Kyoutani contributes a lot today, proudly talking about how Yachi has won a prize for one of her designs.

At some point Wakatoshi appears, leaning into you as you work. He likes to be in the way when you facetime the team, thinks it’s funny that Makki has named him “the Log” or that he’s always blocking the drawer you need to get to the most.

“Move,” you tell him, pulling at his thighs. Behind him’s the cutlery you need to set the table.

“There’s a price for that,” he tells you quietly. You roll your eyes and move to kiss him. He shuffles slightly to the side, now blocking the cabinet that hides the plates.

-

It’s only after dinner, your laptop put away, the dishes done, that you find yourself back on the Couch, cuddled into him.

“Wakatoshi,” you address him, your hands shoved under his shirt. His eyes have closed but he’s still awake, you can tell by his breathing.

“Hmm?”

“Remember how we were talking about what we wanted to do on your next break?”

“Yes?” He opens one eye to squint at you. “Do you still want to go back to Japan?”

“I wouldn’t mind it,” you confess, “But we talked it through. It’s not feasible and I’ve got a better idea.”

That has him opening both his eyes. He can sense that something’s coming and you nestle further into him. 

You like to surprise him, for sure. You love how quiet he gets when you do something special for him, almost unsure if he deserves it. If this is really just for him. But that doesn’t mean you don’t get flustered by your feelings for him once in a while.

“I got us tickets to Paris,” you tell him quietly. “Tendō already knows.”

When he pulls you close he doesn’t have to say anything. You already know.

He misses his best friend just as much as you miss yours.

[pubbamoon]

Moon signs and your childhood

Hello! How do you feel today? I hope you're okay and you all have a great mood. I think it's time for another astrology post, I don't know about you. This time I want to make a post about the Moon in signs. The Moon is another luminary in astrology (including the Sun) and it represents our emotions, childhood, relationships with our mother, private life, etc. It shows our inner world and our circumstances in our home environment. I hope I'll make this post this Monday, in the Moon-ruled day. Anyway, let's just start!

Moon in Aries: You might be someone who is passionate and who's confident with your emotions. Growing up, you may developed some kind of independence or your mother pushed you to be on your own. Your mother might be aggressive or she was aggressive when you were a child as well. You're not someone who wants to obey. You're your own, kid. You always have been.

Moon in Taurus: The Moon is exalted in Taurus, which means that the Moon is very comfortable in this sign. It can indicate normal, steady and good childhood, unless your Moon is harshly aspected with Mars, Saturn or Pluto. I sense that you might be very comfortable while showing your emotions, you don't shame them. Your mother might be very nurturing and might has a great sense of aesthetic and pleasure.

Moon in Gemini: Your home environment might be chaotic and you might change your home often. You may process your emotions in a rational way and you likely think only with logic. This placement is a common indicator of an intelligence. You may also grew up with very communicative mother and you could talk with your mother about any topic but she might always lacked empathy and understanding of your problems or maybe you're that kind of person.

Moon in Cancer: This is usually a great placement, 'cause the Moon is in own sign when in Cancer, unless is afflicted with malefic planets. You might experienced good childhood with a lot of beautiful memories, which makes you feel nostalgic. Your family, traditions and home matters to you a lot. You may grew up with a mother who knew how to take care of you. This also tells me that you're a nice person and you can make people comfortable with your presence.

Moon in Leo: You may grew up in a household where you were always at the center of attention or where your mother always outshined you. You might be naturally creative and artistic. I see you having multiple hobbies while growing up or you still have hobbies in your adulthood. You might be always childish, no matter of age, 'cause 5th house is about children and hobbies. You might also deeply crave attention from others.

Moon in Virgo: You likely grew up with a mother who was judgmental to you and who encouraged you to always help people. This may made you become a perfectionist who always tries to be the best in everything. You might always analyze your emotions and your mind works 24/7, which causes terrible sleeping schedule. It's very hard for you to calm down and be spontaneous and you may deal with anxiety issues. You may feel bad because of your perfectionism, but trust me, all the best people are perfectionistic, literally.

Moon in Libra: This could be a placement of a very good-looking person, since Venus rules Libra. You might have a natural sense of diplomacy and you can hang out with almost every person because of your charming energy. Your mother might be a lawyer, artist or someone who encouraged you to be a nice person to others. Pretty privilege might also be a thing with this placement, meaning that you attract people with your beauty, especially if the Moon is your 10th house/MC ruler in your natal chart.

Moon in Scorpio: Your childhood might be intense, even violent. You may fight with a lot of kids during childhood. This is not a good placement generally, 'cause the Moon is in fall in Scorpio, making it one of the worst placements for this planet. Since Scorpio is a passionate and even sexual sign, you may lost your virginity at your minor age. Your mother might likely be manipulative, toxic and controlling to you, which has made you hate your own mother later in your life.

Moon in Sagittarius: This can indicate having fortunate, lucky and joyful childhood if your Moon is placed well. You may grew up abroad or your family might come from many different cultures. Or you grew up travelling with your family abroad. Your home is like disco club and you might likely be the 'life of the party' type of person. You might also be naturally adventurous and hanging out with you could be a joyful and fun experience.

Moon in Capricorn: You may grew up with serious-minded mother who pushed you to always work hard. Because of that, you might grew up fast and you might be more mature than your peers. There's always work atmosphere in your home environment. You may struggle with expressing your emotions consistently. Whenever I look the person with a Capricorn Moon, they always have those sad eyes because of their harsh childhood.

Moon in Aquarius: This placement can make you become really weird, due to an unconventional childhood you might experienced. Your mother might be hippie and share her unique perspective of life to you. There could be a lot of unexpected events in your home environment. I feel that you may not have a sense of home, family and tradition, there's literally no rules in your house.

Moon in Pisces: You might be naturally empathetic, imaginative, artistic and selfless. Your mother could be spiritual and you might inherit some spiritual gifts from her. I see a lot of amazing artists having this placement (Michael Jackson and Prince, for example). You might also have vivid dreams or paranormal experiences while sleeping. Take care of your sensitive energy.

That is everything I have for this time. Thank you for spending a time to read this post of mine. I hope you can resonate with those messages. Take care of yourself, your emotions matter. I love you all and see you very soon.

Best regards,

Paky McGee

[bunny-rambles]

Hi! I hope you're doing okay!

I have a request if you don't mind.

I go so silent when im owerwhelmed. To the rate its so hard for me talk. I wont be able to join to the conversation even if i really want to. At those days, i just need some cuddles and affection.

What if reader just comes back to home and the character is just laying on the couch and reader lays on top of then without saying anything, just listening to their heartbeat? Can i request it with scara, albedo, kazuha, venti and whoever you want to add?

Have a good day💕

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

“I’m Here.”

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characters; Scaramouche, Albedo, Venti, Kazuha, gn reader

cw/tw; talks of low mood and anxiety, hurt/comfort

word count; 500+ for each

notes; Hi, thank you so much for this request, sorry it took so long, it just takes forever to get my inspiration going nowadays. I hope you’re still here to enjoy this <3 it’s been stuck in wip hell but it’s finally here now, enjoy. (If some people want to, I’ll see if I can do a part 2 with some other characters. I’m thinking Wriothesley and Neuvillette. Let me know what you think.)

Please reblog if you like this!!

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Scaramouche

“Hey, are you even listening?”

Tired eyes move up towards the small crowd of people around you, focusing on the unimpressed pair of eyes burning their gaze into you. Your hand is idly tapping your pen against the empty piece of paper in front of you, but it quickly stops the second you feel the suffocating feeling in your chest from your entire table watching your every move.

“Sorry.” You apologise quietly, only to turn your head away from your classmate, who just scoffs at your haphazard reply and continues on with whatever they were talking about, their jargon falling on deaf ears.

If you were being honest, you could care less about the topic of the conversation.

Today was just one of those days where you felt that heavy feeling in your head, that light fluttering in your stomach. It felt like something was wrong, but nothing had happened to make you like this. Nothing in the typical sense, anyway. No event to trigger such a reaction, not even a snide whisper about you that caught your attention - nothing. You just felt, to sum it up in one word, overwhelmed.

Silently, you slipped out of your seat and snuck away when the conversation had moved on from your strange behaviour, the feeling all consuming at this point. When you were alone, there was only one thought in your mind: find him.

There were a lot of people who didn’t even bother to try to find out his name, only giving him a simple nickname due to his peculiar style. But not you. No, you were the odd one out, the only one in the entire Akademiya who sought out the company of the sharp-tongued vagrant. Perhaps you were the only one who could understand the true meaning of his biting remarks, the only one who knew just how understanding he could be.

He wasn’t in the lecture today, or anywhere in the Akademiya. That wasn’t too much of an issue. He had told you where you could find him if you really needed him (‘or whatever’, you recall him mumbling as his violet eyes shied away from yours, rose blooming so delicately on his porcelain cheeks).

So your feet moved on their own, stumbling along until you came to a quiet opening in the surrounding mountains of Sumeru. And there he was, perched on the edge of the hill that was overlooking the scenery of the entire city - a silent protector. He looked serene, calm in the gentle glow of the sunbeams shining down on the peak of the rocky formation. Maybe it would be best not to disturb him - you couldn’t even remember the last time he looked so at peace with the world.

You took a step back. A branch snapped noisily under your foot, causing the wanderers head to whip around to face you. His brief look of surprise is quickly replaced with his usual look of indifference.

“Oh, it’s you.” He sounded bored, but not aggravated by your presence. This was a good sign for him. But when you didn’t respond, the blank look on his face shifted as he raised an eyebrow at your lack of response. “Well? Spit it out. What do you want?” He prompted again, albeit a little harshly.

But no matter how much you wanted to tell him why you were there, no words would leave your mouth. It was like your lips were just sealed shut.

Instead, you just sat down beside him, your fingers dancing with one another in your lap. Your lips moved, shaping the words that wanted to come out, but no sound accompanied them. A heavy sigh left your lips, already feeling defeated with not being able to do one simple thing right today.

Luckily, you didn’t need to. With an exhale of breath that matched your own, you heard the rustling of fabric by your side as the puppet opened his arms for you.

“Come here.” He ordered in a soft voice, his eyes avoiding your own. When you didn’t respond immediately, obviously in complete surprise with what you were witnessing, he grumbled something under his breath, too quiet for you to understand. Red began to bleed through his white skin, his teeth gritting together before he spoke again. “I don’t have all day. Now come here before I change my mind.”

Soon, his arms were around you, wrapping you up in his comforting embrace when you finally shuffled towards him. And here, nothing could hurt you, not while all you had to focus on was his fingers rubbing deep, comforting circles in your back. His chin rested atop of your head, mainly to hide the gentleness present in his features as he held you close to his chest. If only he had a heart, just so you could listen to the gentle pounding of it against his chest whenever he touched you. Instead, you heard a soft breeze right next to your ear, flowing in time with the pulsing light of his vision with each time his chest raised to take a breath.

There were no words exchanged between the two of you, only the sweet sounds of birds chirping, and that same gentle breeze that surrounded the both of you while you stayed in one another's arms.

Venti

The door swung open with a loud crash against the wall, a cheerful laugh accompanying the startling sound. “Oh, Windblume! Are you home?” The melodic voice of the bard sang out through his shared home of his partner.

Silence.

This did not deter him, however, as he hummed a quiet tune to himself as he set the freshly picked apples along large bottle of dandelion wine on the table, his hands going to his hips as he listened for the tell-tale sound of your soft footsteps or the sweet cadence of your voice. But once again, the young man was met with an eerie quietness.

“Huh. Guess they’re not home.” Viridescent eyes scan their surroundings before landing on a small note hidden away in the corner of the room, neatly placed on the very desk you had been working at so tirelessly these past few days.

‘At Windrise.’

Oh. So it was one of those days. No matter, he knew exactly what to do when you weren’t feeling your best. After quickly grabbing a couple of apples from the large bag he had carried home, he was already on his way to come find you.

And find you he did, sat alone underneath the towering tree with your head in your hands, looking devoid of any positive emotions. Even in the embrace of the winds of freedom, you still felt tied down from the thoughts swarming in your head. The gentle wind around you playfully tussled your hair, but it did very little to quell the storm raging inside of you, its thunder petrifying. There was a rustle above you in the leaves of the great tree, a few fluttering down to gently graze against your cheeks, like nature's soft kisses. And then a head emerged from them, a wide smile on the owner's face.

“Hello there!” Venti greeted with his signature wink, his twin tails swaying in the wind, his forehead exposed from hanging upside down from the branch. You couldn’t help but smile at the sight, your hand reaching out to carefully pull a few stray leaves out of his hair. He swung himself with his legs to press a kiss against your cheek, an airy laugh coming from him before he finally hopped down to take his place next to you. “I brought you something, but it might be a little bruised now.”

The bard giggled sheepishly before pulling out one of the apples he had grabbed earlier, throwing it up in the air for you to catch. Your hands cradled the ripe fruit, treating it as a precious treasure before you brought it up to your lips for a bite. A sigh left your lips from the sweet taste coating your tastebuds, the flavour almost sinful. But how could it be with the god who gave it to you right by your side? No, this was heavenly. Paradise was in your hand, and you couldn’t help but take another bite, showing off a thankful smile towards your partner who was already tucking into his own.

You expected him to speak, to fill the air with jokes or light hearted chatter. However, the only thing that made any noise right now was the petals of the nearby asters and the tweeting of songbirds. The archon beside you was quiet, waiting for you to speak first. And if you didn’t feel up to talking, that was okay too. He was going to be by your side, no matter how you felt. Much like the wind he commanded, he would always be with you, even on your bad days. No words were exchanged between the two of you. Instead, your head leaned closer to his until your cheek was pressed up against his shoulder, a deep sigh leaving your lips. But this time, it was filled with content instead of your previous anxiety. Venti’s hand that wasn’t holding his own apple gently cradled your head, his fingers lightly threading through your soft hair.

“My dear Windblume, you’ve worked so hard.” He finally spoke, his soft cheek resting lightly against the top of your head, like the softest of feathers.

“Don’t be afraid… I’m here.”

Kazuha

It had been a long day.

A fight with the endless stacks of paper at your desk had left you feeling drained, the walls of your bedroom feeling almost like a prison instead of a sanctuary for dreams and comfort. Your hands trembled as you re-read the few scarce sentences that you had managed to write down, only for them to curl into tight fists around the delicate piece of paper. What does it matter? It barely made sense anyway.

You needed out of this room. Shaky legs pulled your body out of your solitude, into the fresh air and tall grass that brushed against the back of your legs. You weren’t quite sure what led you to this meadow. Perhaps it was just an inexplicable pull you felt that was dragging you towards something more enchanting than the dull surroundings of a desk and barely functioning pen - something more warm, more comforting.

There, sitting in the middle of this peaceful field of flowers, he sat.

Eyes closed, with a serene smile painted on his gentle face, his silvery wisps of hair blowing softly in the winds - much like the swaying stalks of emerald around him. And once those eyes fluttered open to reveal the rubies underneath, you could feel the very air in your throat catch. That smile you admired only widened when his gaze set on you.

“Fancy seeing you here. Care to join me?” Kazuha spoke, his bandaged hand extended towards your own. You felt guilty intruding on such a peaceful moment like this, but when he was looking at you like that, inviting you to spend time with him… Well, how could you possibly refuse? Your hand connected with his own, a gentle tug leading to you seating yourself next to him. Instead of letting go of your hand, or letting his touch linger on your skin for a moment, he interlocked his fingers with your own. His side brushed against your own, your smile slowly but surely mirroring his own curled lips. Silence curled its invisible arms around the two of you, wrapping you up in comforting tranquillity, only found with the closest of companions.

A soft exhale left the man beside you, his body leaning backwards to lay against the ground, his gaze fixated on the clouds above.

“Here.” He whispers, patting the space underneath you to encourage you to join him. “Lay with me. Let your troubles float away with the drifting clouds.”

Carefully, you also laid back, with your hand still intertwined with his own and your other one resting on top of your stomach.

It wasn’t long before you found yourself under his arm, nestled up against his side with your cheek pressing up gently against his chest. His fingers gently began to run through your hair, his movements idle, his soul at peace - as well as yours.

“You don’t have to talk about what is troubling you, dove. But if you ever need to talk to me, or perhaps, if you just want me to be with you - then you need only ask.” The wandering prince spoke, his soothing movements unchanging. “Or just come find me if you feel like you can’t. Your presence is never a bother.” He chuckles softly, holding you closer to his side, his head leaning against your own.

“I promise… You’ll never have to go through anything alone, as long as I’m by your side.”

Albedo

The gentle clinking of glass echoes around the room as a solitary alchemist works in silence. Concentration is etched onto his porcelain face, his lips drawn in a straight line as his gaze fixates on the bubbling liquid inside the flask he was holding in a gentle grasp. He raises an eyebrow, however, when a figure starts to form in the reflection. In the distorted mirroring of the glass, he could make out a pair of saddened eyes staring longingly at him, yet silence persisted in the room. He blinked a few times to make sure he wasn’t just hallucinating - hours alone with various fumes and chemicals did have those side effects, after all. When he concluded he was in fact not deluding himself, he lowered the container carefully and turned around to face the one who had been waiting patiently behind him to finish analysing the results of his experiments.

This was a sight he wasn’t unfamiliar with. It wasn’t the first time he had seen you look so downcast. But rarely did you ever seek him out during these moods of yours, especially while he was working. This was… Unusual. It must’ve been quite serious.

He waited for you to speak, to tell him whatever was on your mind, but no words came. Instead, your eyes refused to meet his own, almost as if you were guilty for disturbing him or bothering him with your presence. But to Albedo, you could never be a bother - your very existence filled him with elation, even if he seldom expressed that notion towards you with words. At least his actions told you otherwise.

“Is there something I can help you with?” He inquired carefully, making sure not to push you too much. Your mouth opened and closed a few times, a few stutters of some quiet words he couldn’t quite make out. He glanced back to his makeshift workshop for a moment before his cerulean eyes locked with your own glassy ones. Deft fingers moved towards the bunsen burner, switching the contraption off before they moved to cup your chin, tilting your head up so your eyes locked once more. He hummed inquisitively, wondering why you looked so upset. But, no matter. If you were here, surely he could be of some use, even if you were unwilling to share what was troubling you.

“Perhaps it’s time for a break.” The blonde declared thoughtfully before intertwining his fingers with your own, guiding you out of the laboratory and into a more peaceful area of the Favonius headquarters. Once inside, he led you over to a large couch, gesturing for you to sit down before he joined you. He cleared his throat awkwardly while opening his arms to you. “I’ve heard that physical contact and affection relieves stress.” He stated, his eyes flitting away from you for a few fleeting seconds. “Would you perhaps like a hug?”

Hesitantly, he shifted closer when he noticed you were doing the same before taking you into his arms and cradling you to his chest. A shuddering breath left your lips as the warmth you had craved all day seeped through your skin, deep into your bones.

“Is… This okay?” The alchemist asks quietly, unsure. You nod against his chest, your own arms circling around his middle. His hold around you tightens. A gentle hand rests on top of your head, his other on your lower back, fingers idly tracing patterns against your back. The motion is calculated, an automatic action, as if he knew exactly what to do to soothe your worries just with his touch alone.

“I’m glad you found me and I’m glad I could help. Please, my darling, stay in my arms until you feel better.” Before you could even open your mouth to ask about his work, he continues, in a soft tone only reserved for you and his little sister. “No experiment or variable compares to the feeling of holding you like this. So please, allow me to indulge myself.”

[queerprayers]

I'm a lifelong Christian and I've been struck with fear recently because I've never feared God. I love God so much, but I cannot fear anyone whom I love. Those two things can't go together in my mind. I think of 1 John 4:18 and I justified, but then I think of all of Proverbs (wisdom is the fear of God) or even some of Jesus' sayings (ex. Luke 12:5)... and I start feeling like a horrible Christian because I just can't imagine loving someone that I'm afraid of. I guess I am afraid sometimes of God showing me my guilt when I sin, but I'm not scared of God sending me into eternal hell or anything, because I wouldn't be able to believe in a God who'd do that to anyone. Is there another way to think about "fear of God"?

What a great topic, beloved! The answer is yes, there are many ways to think about the concept of "fear of God!" 

The first thing I want to bring up is that we have to be careful about moralizing emotions. As someone with a mood disorder, I know all too well that when we do this, we alienate people with emotional differences, and we also fundamentally misunderstand a lot. We cannot control our emotions. We can choose between reveling in them or moving on from them, we can learn ways to process them, we can identify whether they're helpful, but we cannot control them. Because of this, we cannot require certain emotions as a virtue. It's not realistic or helpful.

Fear, the way we usually talk about it, is an emotion. It can be a logical response or a completely illogical one. Someone with an anxiety disorder may experience fear in perfectly normal situations; someone with paranoia or a phobia may be afraid of completely safe situations. We may not feel fear in an unsafe situation because of recklessness or ignorance. 

Emotional responses to God are varied and uncontrollable—although with religious education and emotional intelligence, they can be useful. We can process our guilt to decide whether it's pushing us to change or keeping us trapped. We can process our joy and cherish when it is a response to holy things. We can let anger lead us to work for justice. We can honor our grief at injustice but work to not let it paralyze us. We can love worldly things or eternal things. Again, I don't want to moralize emotion, but rather honor it as a part of the human experience and use it to serve God.

You're afraid because you don't fear God—this comes out of a desire to be a "good Christian," to cultivate in yourself what is holy. Ironically, your fear is leading you to God, the kind of fear you were afraid you didn't have. Now if fear of being a horrible Christian traps you, if it causes you not to care for yourself, if it keeps you from experiencing the joy of Christianity, we know it isn't serving you. But it can, and it may be doing so right now, pushing you to think further about this.

To see fear as a virtue, though, we have to look beyond uncontrollable emotional responses. We have to see it in Scripture in all its many facets. You have identified two completely different verses on fear—showing us that fear can be can be the enemy of perfect love, and also a logical response to a God that has ultimate power. Fear can prevent us from reaching out (being afraid), or it can be an awareness of our own lack of power, our dependence on God, and result in surrender. Anxiety is a shutting in; reverence is a reaching out.

I cheated and used the Wikipedia page to find this, but Pope Francis said that

The fear of the Lord, the gift of the Holy Spirit, doesn’t mean being afraid of God, since we know that God is our Father that always loves and forgives us,...[It] is no servile fear, but rather a joyful awareness of God’s grandeur and a grateful realization that only in him do our hearts find true peace.

We don't fear God because we don't trust him—we fear offending God because we love God, we fear losing God because we are completely dependent on God, we fear forgetting God's love because that's the only meaning in the universe.

I've really valued C.S. Lewis's perspectives on fear—I don't have The Problem of Pain with me right now, but the Wikipedia page for "numinous" helpfully quotes it:

Suppose you were told there was a tiger in the next room: you would know that you were in danger and would probably feel fear. But if you were told "There is a ghost in the next room," and believed it, you would feel, indeed, what is often called fear, but of a different kind. It would not be based on the knowledge of danger, for no one is primarily afraid of what a ghost may do to him, but of the mere fact that it is a ghost. It is "uncanny" rather than dangerous, and the special kind of fear it excites may be called Dread. With the Uncanny one has reached the fringes of the Numinous. Now suppose that you were told simply "There is a mighty spirit in the room," and believed it. Your feelings would then be even less like the mere fear of danger: but the disturbance would be profound. You would feel wonder and a certain shrinking—a sense of inadequacy to cope with such a visitant and of prostration before it—an emotion which might be expressed in Shakespeare's words "Under it my genius is rebuked." This feeling may be described as awe, and the object which excites it as the Numinous.

Proverbs states multiple times that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom—not guilt, not an eternal state of being afraid, not self-hatred, not doom. When it is an understanding of our dependence on God, our recognizing how small we are and how much power God has, when we realize that everything real to us is a pitiful reflection of what is in store, that is where we find wisdom in this life. 

Proverbs also tells us that to fear the Lord is to hate evil (8:13). 16:6 says that evil is avoided through the fear of the Lord. Job 28:28 tells us that the fear of the Lord is wisdom, and to shun evil is understanding. We see here fear of God leading us to good works and obedience—if it's not leading us anywhere, it's stagnation. (The same with guilt.)

Another place fear of God leads us is life and rest (Proverbs 14:27; 19:23). Fully understanding and submitting ourselves to God, knowing how afraid we would and should be without that rock, we can rest knowing that we have God, the fountain of life.

Another interesting thing besides evil that fear of God is set against is arrogance/pride. Romans 11:20 says, "Do not be arrogant, but tremble." Proverbs 22:4: "Humility is the fear of the Lord." When we set ourselves as the center of the universe, when we think we're in control, when we cling to earthly things, we are not in that state of reverence. 

Fear of God is holy—but over and over, God tells us to not be afraid. So what's the difference between these fears? Fear of earthly things (the emotion) is a logical response to the very real dangers we experience. But when we make that a state of being, when we don't move anywhere, we're not trusting God. Fear of God, on the other hand, is that ultimate trust and awareness. "Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe" (Proverbs 29:25).

Fear keeping us safe seems an oxymoron if we define it as an emotion, which is an earthly experience. We have to look further. We have to understand that the logical response to an all-powerful God is being afraid, but the first thing an angel meeting us would say is, "Be not afraid." Fear the one who has the authority to throw you into hell, yes, but worship the one whose love drives out that fear. 

You may have skipped the first step—your love of God is admirable. But leave some room for awe, for the strangeness of religion, for the reality of your lack of power. If fear comes up, let it lead you to Life. Don't try to control your emotional responses, but cultivate a spirit of reverence. And keep thinking. Keep finding seemingly conflicting Bible verses. You're not a horrible Christian—you're just a Christian. Not to be a Lutheran, but you cannot by your own reason or strength believe in Jesus Christ or come to him—but the Holy Spirit has called you, and will not meet you in the middle, but rather make all the steps and land where you are. And the only response that I have ever found is to surrender.

<3 Johanna

[tw1l1te]

𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓲𝓷 𝓗𝓮𝓪𝓭𝓬𝓪𝓷𝓸𝓷𝓼- 𝖕𝖆𝖗𝖙 3

Part 3! We finally get to Wars, Sky, and Wind! WIND IS PLATONIC ONLY DON'T BE GROSS

Warnings: possible suggestive themes (AGAIN NOT FOR WIND), angst, mental health topics, scars/wounds

⋆｡°✩

𝖜𝖆𝖗𝖗𝖎𝖔𝖗𝖘

21-22 years old, one of the captain's of the Hylian Army. Zelda offered him a higher rank (general I'm assuming) and a position on the Hylian Council, but he refused almost right away.

Pretty tall, an inch above Twilight, but still shorter than Time

Blonde hair, shaggy but in a fashionable way. Idk y'all, he makes it work

Leaner muscle, double pierced lobes, wears chain linked earrings when at fromal events but usually sticks to his signature blue hoops

Can't read Hylian that well, but can understand/speak several languages, such as Twili (Twi is kinda jealous)

The strategist of the group. He was always under a time limit during the war, so he knows how to handle a tricky situation quickly and efficiently most of the time

Went to school in his developmental years, though was recruited at around 14-15 because he was way better in the fighting field than in academics. It worked out for him though, so he's not complaining.

As much as he cares about appearance and fighting for his country, he hates balls/formal events. The fake interactions and smiles make him sweat and he usually leaves an hour into them. He'll suck it up if you're there with him though

Closest to Time, Wild and Legend ironically enough. Wild and himself can relate on the aspect of being in the Hylian army, and they typically talk about how their experience was. Legend and him mostly bicker, but its all fun n' games. Time and Wars are essentially the higher-ups, though nobody actually says that, its just been silently established.

Super wary of Y/n, especially with his expriences with other dimensions and eras. He was honestly convinced you were part of Cia's plan or the shadow, since your timing seemed a little convenient, but you've gained his trust little by little, maybe a little too much.

Unlike his usual demeanor with women, he doesn't outwardly flirt with our protagonist. Yes, he throws a few quips here and there when appropriate, but he respects Y/n. He doesn't see them as everyone else. He has them on a pedestal towering over everyone

Has scars from the war, duh. He was mostly up close in the front lines, so a lot of slashes and nicks. Has a pretty bad burn on his left arm from Volga's fire, it's healed but still pretty scarred on his skin.

𝖘𝖐𝖞

20-21 years old, the "Chosen One".

Average height, light freckles across his face and shoulders, he was living right under the sun, you can't tell me he doesn't have freckles!!

Also... sleeper build. I said it. He has a sleeper build and boy when Y/n first sees him shirtless?? AWOOGA-

I headcanon him as having a gigantic triforce insignia tattoo all over his upper back. It was part of his ceremonial return, more on that later.

Suprisingly very school smart for falling asleep in class all the time. Sun was and still is very jealous of his natural smarts.

Has his lobes pierced, wears small red hoops. He wants to get more stacked piercings, a loftwing feather to match with Y/n in the future, who knows?

Doesn't have the biggest sweetest tooth, but he does love pastires of almost any kind. Pumpkin ones are his favorites, though Y/n's cinnamon rolls are quickly climbing up the ladder.

One of the most conflicted about Hylia and the whole "following the goddess" thing. He s=has insomnia because of it, causes him a lot of anxiety.

He was very depressed after his journey was finished, as he didn't identify as anything else besides a hero, and since his purpose was completed, he was nobody.

Struggled a lot with isolation and self-deprecation right up until joining the Chain. He still struggles with it, despite it being years later.

After meeting you and learning about your similar struggles of identity and burden's of mental health, he felt so much less lonely. Sure the Chain were his brothers and they knew what he had been through, you really understood him. You went through the same thing, you knew what it felt like.

Close to Hyrule and Four, but probably most attached to Y/n, even before the romantic feelings set in. He's got a big heart.

Biggest sleepyhead. Will sleep almost anywhere, especially if he's exhausted.

Hobbies include woodworking and playing his harp, but recently took up making a piece of jewelry for Y/n. He's been working on it for months, adventuring prevents him from working on it too long. He wants to give it to you during the winter festival, when you're all his.

𝖜𝖎𝖓𝖉

little shit

...

I would say I'm kidding, but he is :3

around 13 I wanna say, it's only been about a year since his adventure.

Short, duh, but his growth spurt is kicking in. He's catching up to Y/n, and you are not excited to be the shortest in a few years.

Sandy blonde hair, a bit wavy. Somehow always has a tiny bit of sand in it, no matter how many times he washes his hair.

If you think Twi or Hyrule had the biggest sweet tooth? HELL NO

If Wind ever found out about energy drinks or soda/pop, we're done for

Not the best in terms of speaking and reading Hylian, though being a pirate has helped him develop his own colorful vocabulary

Very skilled with up close combat, though the others hardly ever let him be on the front offensive

Similar to Wild, likes taking pics of anything (mostly weird faces that the others make)

Y/n and him clicked INSTANTLY. He might've not trusted them immediately, but they were best friends super fast. Wind has helped you get through homesickness by tellng you his own stories about his home.

"Captain" of Tetra's ship, or that's what he believes

Everyone knows Tetra's in charge though

Struggles a bit with alcoholism, being a pirate and all kinda leads you to be reliant on alcohol. The boys are trying to help him with it, but its the main coping skills he uses when after a high stress situation or he's feeling lost mentally.

Everyone sees him as a little brother, despite how much of a little shit he is >:3c

[twirlingsmilingwriting]

Paper Talks || Young! Coriolanus Snow X Plinth! Reader pt. 1

TLDR: You knew that people would try to gain your attention and trust because of your families status but Coriolanus always seemed to go above and beyond the usual hallway waves. Are his feelings true and genuine or is he just as shallow as the rest?

Warnings: Capital people talk, reader is a little bratty, She/Her pronouns reader

A/N: This is part ONE of THREE planned stories. So basically I got requests for this same parring of Snow X Plinth! reader and one wanted angst the other wanted fluff so this is the set up story to those two. The story will break off and diverge from this point and you'll get to choose the ending you want. Will they fall in love or will it burn to pieces? YOU CHOOSE!

Based on THIS ask

Word Count: 2.1 k

Taglist: @simpovereveryone

The academy was rather boring most days. Constant busy work 24/7 about things I already knew just didn't ever seem to rub me the right way. What was the point in this education if it felt like you were never actually LEARNING anything? I sighed tapping my pencil ever so slightly against my desk while I listened to Highbottom ramble about whatever painfully vague topic he wanted to yap about today. That man drank so much I swear, not only could you smell the liquor off of him but you could see it, like a weird mystifying haze around him and in his eyes. He must've been mixing something in his cup because liquor doesn't do that much damage. I, honestly, needed whatever he was having to get through this lesson.

Finally, like a saving grace, the bell rang and we were excused from the lecture hall. A few people waved and smiled while I walked through the halls and I did the same back. While I was from the districts, the capital people still seemed to treat me fairly, to my face that is, because of one thing and one thing only, my last name.

Plinth.

We were new money and we sure had a ton of it. An ever-looming fear of mine is that people don't actually like me but just want to get closer to me so they can get a piece of my family's fortune. Easily, I can see why people would want to get closer to me. It didn't help when my last year in the academy came and my father announced there would be a "Plinth Prize", a scholarship of sorts that would help other students pay for university. My father is a very charitable man for offering up a chunk of our wealth to others but it made me a lot more paranoid at school. What if people were just trying to get closer to me so I'd put a good word into my dad? The thought caused a deep sinking feeling of anxiety to sit in the pit of my stomach. Shaking my head, I dusted away the emotions, grabbed my food and tried to find a spot to sit in the cafeteria.

Looking over the area, I saw the broad stocky build and curly brown hair of a boy sitting alone at a 4 person table. Oh, Sej... Sej is my twin brother, obviously not identical twin but he was my twin. I placed my food onto the table with a 'plop' and eagerly sat down to eat.

"Sejanus"

"Y/N"

We both nodded and continued to eat. It was a weird sibling thing we did. Hello's get boring when you have to say them all the time so we just say each other's names then move on. I started absolutely demolishing my sandwich. Words can not describe how delicious a sandwich is after having to listen to Highbottom's intoxicated rants for hours on end. That's when I noticed something, Sej wasn't eating. His eyes were distracted, focused on something behind me. I cocked my brow up in confusion before slowly turning my head to see what he was looking at.

I don't know when he got there but the tall, lanky frame of a man clad in our school uniform was walking to where we were sat and promptly stood at the edge of our table. Curls so blond they were almost white framed his face with a smirk painted across it. His eyes switched between the two of us slowly as if they were slithering inside of his head. Coriolanus Snow. I don't think I've ever actually talked to him before but we did share a class. Sej smiled and said hi to him and he nodded back before asking,

"Is that seat taken?" his head motioned to the seats beside us and I was about to say 'yes' but I couldn't beat the enthusiastic nods and "Oh no it's absolutely free please come sit down," from my brother.

I watched dumbfounded while he reached over and slightly pulled out the chair next to him for Coriolanus. The blond man ignored this, the fabric of his sleeve touching my hair every so slightly while he slid behind to take the seat next to me. That pissed me off, just a little. I hate when people touch my hair. Spend so long to make it look presentable and then people go in and mess with it UGH. My brothers smile faded slightly before it perked back up again as he excitedly started to strike up a conversation with Coriolanus who couldn't seem to keep his eyes off of me. I felt his gaze burning my skin like thousands of little coals. Who knows what kind of comments he might have been making in his head. I looked back down at my sandwich and started to eat it again, but a lot slower.

Sejanus and Coriolanus went back and forth with some banter, clearly, Sej was a lot more interested than Coriolanus was. I felt kind of sad for my brother at times. I don't think he realized how easily people could use us. He trusted too freely and it seemed like he really liked Coriolanus. While other students would try to be kind to us to our faces, that didn't stop them from laughing at us behind our backs. I've only overheard their snickers and chuckles about how we were 'dirty district' twice but that was twice too many. Sej couldn't see through the plastic personas. He leaned over the table, directing his full energy and attention to holding this conversation with Coriolanus who wasn't even holding eye contact with him. He was cut off mid-ramble when Coriolanus spoke.

"Sejanus... you never told me you had a sister"

Oh god, I've been noticed. ABORT MISSION. ABORT MISSION.

"Actually, she's my twin sister. I assumed you would've already known she-"

"I think I have a class with her... Y/N right?"

Why were they talking about me like I wasn't right there? Sejanus was about to open his mouth again when Snow tapped my shoulder, forcing my attention to him. I got to get a better look at his face up close now and I couldn't deny the absolute gravitational pull those blue eyes had. Silently, I swam into the oceans of those blue eyes. I knew I had to get out before I drowned. I swallowed hard and nodded.

"Y/N. Y/N Plinth. And you are... Coriolanus?"

"Please, call me Corio." His smirk turned to a cheesy smile and he tipped his head slightly, extending his hand out for me to shake. I looked down at his hand and then back up at him while I nervously took it and shook it. His hands were as cold as icicles. The feeling almost made me shiver. He gave my hand a squeeze when I tried to pull away like he was trying to keep me there. I did not like that one bit. When he finally released my hand he didn't take his eyes off of me once.

"Sure, Corio..." I mumbled out before trying to return to my almost-finished sandwich. Sej took that as his opportunity to continue blabbering on to Coriolanus.

~

The passing days started to notice a frequently rising increase in Coriolanus Snow bombarding my days. He started to become one of those faces that would wave at me in the hallways but he always wanted to stop and talk and compliment my appearance. Just the other day he moved seats in our shared class to sit next to me, conveniently on the day we had to start a group project with our "table partner". I didn't like how he seemed to be infecting every inch of my life. Sejanus even started to invite him to the mansion so they could hang out and I'd have to see those icy blue eyes cross my vision whenever I went downstairs for a snack and of course, he had to talk to me.

A part of me wants to believe how that Corio was genuine and was trying to be our friend but I couldn't help the impending sense of doom I felt whenever I thought about opening up to him. Today was unlike the others. To start, when Sej and I walked to school together, Coriolanus crossed our path and walked with us. His body hung close to mine as he and Sejanus talked over my head. Corio kept trying to drag me into their conversation but I was trying to minimize the amount of Snow that was being left on my person. When I made it to my first class that's when I noticed a white rose placed on the side of my bag. It must've been from Corio. He must've slipped it in my bad while we were walking this morning. I'm just a girl! I couldn't help the way my face lit up bright red with a blush from this action.

Just as my face felt hot so did my temper. I couldn't let myself get distracted here. I knew what he really wanted, right? I twirled the stem of the rose between my fingers, carefully trying to avoid the thorns, and watched how pretty it looked spinning. Humming softly, I closed my eyes and watched as the rest of the day went by fast.

~

Corio and I sat sitting next to each other in the library trying to study for class. He started insisting on these study dates after we had that first group assignment together. I don't understand why he felt the need to sit there and explain all the questions to me. I knew what he was talking about. The fabric of our pants touched each other lightly as it was the one barrier that stopped our knees from touching. Coriolanus continued to ramble on about the question we were on and was explaining the steps to solve it for the 100th time and I was starting to get seriously bored. With a heavy sigh, I pulled my paper closer to me and started to solve the problems at a lot faster of a speed than we were going at. I had done about 4 questions by the time he was done explaining that one to me and that's when he realized, he had pretty much been talking to the air.

"Y/N? Y/N? Are you listening?"

He spoke, leaning ever so closer to me. He started snapping his fingers in from of my face and I felt this anger start to boil in me.

"Darling, I'm trying to show you how to solve this."

Finally, when he placed his hand on my thigh and I heard the word 'Darling' escape his lips did I snap. My head shot up and I looked over at him, shooting daggers in his direction. I hissed under my breath,

"Corio, do you think I'm stupid? I know what you want "Darling, " I let the darling roll off my tongue sarcastically and mockingly. "and it's not me. You're not sly Snow, I know you're flirting with me and I suggest you scurry along here before I put in a bad word to my father about how this boy in my class can't seem to leave me alone in peace to do my school work. Are we clear?"

Coriolanus took a step back, his mouth agape from the shock of what was just said to him. He took a sharp inhale before a smirk spread on his face, similar to the one he had the first day he sat next to Sejanus and I. There was a plan behind that smile I just knew it.

"That is where you're wrong I'm afraid. I love your feist though Ms. Plinth, simply another challenge, and don't forget, Snow always lands on top."

His body glided so elegantly through the air as he stood up from his seat next to me, placed his hands on my shoulders, and leaned down to look over my shoulder, leaning down so close I could feel his breath against my neck. If my heart was beating any faster it might have turned into an engine an raced out of my chest.

"By the way Y/N... the answer is 3 not 67, I can't even process how you'd make that kind of mistake but if you ever need help with math, let me know. I'm sure you would've gotten it right if you were listening."

He whispered in my ear before standing up and leaving the room. The whole interaction caused a shiver to go down my spine in shock before the anger came rushing back into my veins. Who does this man think he is? And what a cringy tag line, "Snow always lands on top"? please. We will just have to see about that one.

[gebediahhhhhhh]

I’ve seen a lot of people analyzing Lydia’s behavior in BJBJ, not only on tumblr. And a lot of posts about Lydia’s anxiety being illogical miss one certain point: anxiety IS illogical. As someone who spent enough time treating my depression and anxiety issues (and also abusing my medicine at some point) I can totally get her behavior. Let me explain.

WARNING: I’m not an expert in anything I’m talking about, this is just for fun and based on my own experience with mental issues. Also I’m very sleepy and English is not my first language.

When people analyze Lydia’s behavior, they usually have 2 points:

1. Lydia is afraid of ghosts in general; she’s getting anxious because she can see dead people.

2. Lydia is afraid of Beetlejuice specifically.

While the first one is more logically understandable, I don’t think it’s the thing. To me it was obvious that she was afraid of BJ and her panic attacks happened only when she saw him. The second one, though, makes less sense considering the events of the second movie, when Lydia summons BJ and she’s just like… annoyed. She looks at him and goes ew. I didn’t see panic. Which could be just her being calm and collected in the face of danger, but I don’t believe Lyds is like that, sorry 😭

So that leaves us with her reactions being kinda… inconsistent. Yeah! So let me introduce you to my hot takes:

- Lydia is mentally unstable and has big anxiety issues which lead her to panic spiraling about certain topics.

- Lydia is NOT afraid of ghosts in general (at least consciously), but seeing them still messes her up.

- Lydia’s only human and her memory of the first movie events is not perfect.

Let’s talk about this.

In the first movie we clearly see Lydia being depressed and suicidal. Here everything’s clear, I think. Depression at a young age can mess your brain big time and I doubt she got it medicated until she was a whole ass adult.

In the same first movie Lydia obviously doesn’t feel distressed around ghosts (except for BJ, because he’s a weirdo). She willingly spends time with Maitlands and dances with football players and in general she’s okay with ghosts.

From the second movie we get that she can see any ghost because of her gift. I can only imagine how many ghosts she’s met during these 36 years. Probably even before her show started, she would always randomly see dead people in all kinds of places. Some guy killed himself in this building 50 years ago? Yep, Lydia can see him haunting the place. This ability surely doesn’t bring comfort to one’s life, especially after you grow out of your teenage years and talking to dead people is no more considered a quirky thing.

Now back to her fear of Beetlejuice. In the first movie, he terrorized the Deetzes, but didn’t do anything harmful to Lydia specifically. The whole wedding thing must’ve been pretty scary though, I don’t think many people acknowledge that. In her place I would absolutely be terrified. But at the end she seems fine and cheerful, which could be a sign that she isn’t traumatized but all this ghostly stuff that much. So what could’ve happened for her to react to BJ like this?

What I’m thinking is, human memory is not perfect. It tends to blur some things, especially uncomfortable ones. And depression is known for causing memory issues as well. I, personally, barely remember my teen years. And I’m definitely younger than Lydia and saw far less shit in my life. So I’m just thinking that, for the past 36 years, her memory of encountering Beetlejuice might’ve gotten more vague and kinda replaced with… Maitlands’ stories about him.

We don’t know when exactly did the Maitlands leave, but I assume Lydia did spend with them enough time. I already saw a very good in-depth post about Lydia’s fear of Beetlejuice being fueled by the Maitlands’ experience of him being a pervy freak and whatnot. Yes, I agree!!! They absolutely did tell Lydia about all their afterlife experiences, including their first time summoning Beetlejuice. So Lydia must’ve known about him being extremely fucking weird.

Now, imagine: you’re a woman with many mental issues. Your job includes regularly seeing dead people who might look really disturbing and behave in a potentially dangerous way. You have many relationships issues as well and now… You start seeing a freaky ghost from your teenage years. What do you remember about him? Oh, not much:

- he hurt your dad and scared your family (which might have been funny when you’re 16, you do start seeing things differently when you grow up).

- he was acting absolutely disgusting towards your friend.

- he tried to marry you.

I don’t blame Lydia for freaking out. And considering she has anxiety, I can totally imagine her brain going different directions with thoughts how Beetlejuice might hurt her specifically. Been there, done that. I believe her seeing him at the studio wasn’t the first time, and her reactions just kept escalating because she kept thinking about him being a supernatural entity who can murder her, rape her, hurt her daughter, hurt her parents, etc.

But then she summons him and he’s… normal. I mean, relatively normal. You know that feeling when you’re afraid to make this really scary phone call, but when you finally do, it turns out to be not that scary? I imagine that what Lydia experienced, just ten times more intense lmao.

[14muffinz]

You know those aus? Where the characters are combined or 'fused?'

I've been thinking about that under the circumstances of a tmnt crossover fic. Where this combination is unwilling.

So the way I can see this going means it absolutely has to involve rise, which I also like because it allows for funky designs. Some mission in the hidden city, possibly involving big mama because ✨drama✨, and each boy is fused with their counterpart.

This can be very different depending on the iteration, so I'm just gonna write down vaguely I imagine each one being:

Leo: Slightly obsessive with training. He's passionate, but maybe a bit too much. He's a great strategist, but is unfortunately bad at explaining his plans to his brothers. The more anxious he is, the more talkative he becomes, usually spouting quips to distract himself. Has knowledge with a bunch of different weapons, but prefers the classic katanas.

Raph: Anxiety. This boy is stressed at all times, and the only way he knows how to mask it is by grouching, or hitting things. The people around him are infuriating, especially because they keep asking all these questions. Like, he's just one guy, why can't they get that? Raph carries both his sai and tonfa, but will more often fight with his tonfa.

Donnie: Very smart. Their brain processes information very fast. They like when things make sense. They're also the only fusion aware that they're a fusion, which, like Raph, they are not a big fan of. Their fusion is the least stable, defaulting to we/us and preferring they/them over he/him, though both are acceptable. They don't remember what each button on the tech bo does, but they do have a staff with a taser on each end as a comprimise.

Mikey: Wholsomest boy. The only reason he doesn't know about the fusion stuff is that the Aprils and Caseys don't want to burst his bubble, but they're all pretty sure he could take it. Big fan of art, he loves to cook as well but due to conflicting knowledge they don't do it as much as they would separately. He loves the extra long chain he gets from rise Mikey's kusari-fundo, so he uses that, though similar to the Raph's sometimes they'll carry around nunchaku as well.

~~~

So yeah, the supporting cast were not on this mission and thus were not turned. They received an emergency alert from rise donnie's systems while everybody was being fused, which is the only warning that they got.

It's mostly on Draxum to make a fix, but it's unfortunately not that simple because they're from different dimensions. Casey JR (is it alr if I call him June because I'm gonna fair warning it's instinct) tries to help where he can, but his knowledge is limited. There's a big argument between the Aprils over whether or not informing the Mikeys of the situation and letting them help would speed things up or not.

The issue with telling them, is Raph's very much denying the information. They know about it, but they refuse to listen. The Donnie's took a lot of convincing as well, and the topic clearly causes them a lot of distress, though they refuse to explain exactly why.

That's all I've got for right now. But if anyone wants to help me make this a solid au, please shoot me an ask. Please. I'm begging. I really want to have more to say about this but I need someone to pick my brain.

Tag is forced fusions au!

[three--rings]

thought of a story that I haven't told that tumblr may enjoy.

So I majored in psychology in undergrad, right, and when you take psych classes they almost always require you to do a certain number of hours of being an experimental research subject, right, because professors have to publish and need someone they can force into their studies without paying, right?

And like that's fine if it's 4 hours for one class, but when you're doing an entire psych major in two years like I did, that's a LOT of hours of research studies.

And we all dreamt of getting in those fun social psych experiments where they fuck with your head, right? And not the ones where they make you sit in front of a laptop and do math for an hour. (They made me DO MATH Y'ALL. "This is an experiment in how well you learn under certain conditions." Conclusion: you suck at this.)

Anyway, you'd get funny things like one time I turned up on campus on a freaking SATURDAY for a study and sat around in a courtyard with like 30 other people while nothing happened and all of us talking about like "hey, uh, do you think THIS is the study? Like to see if we leave?" But no, just no one turned up for us and we didn't get our freaking hours.

But one time I DID end up in one of those freaky social psych studies. So to be fair, I had insider knowledge, because again, psych major. So I signed up intentionally to my social psych profs study. Hoping at least it wouldn't be math.

And I arrive and am greeted by...the TA for my social psych class wearing a fat suit.

It's like IDK April or something and Texas and 80+ degrees and she's in a long skirt and a sweatshirt. And also she's MY TA. I recognize her. I even say "Oh, hi!" like I would when seeing someone I know on campus. And she greets me like she vaguely recognizes me. But, normally she is not approximately 280-300lbs.

So, I'm, like REALLY REALLY sure it's a fat suit. Like....99.5% sure.

But not 100%.

And so what the FUCK do you SAY to THAT? Well, obviously you don't say FUCKING SHIT. You pretend nothing is fucking weird, right? Because the very, very small chance that you are WRONG and this isn't a normally thin girl in a fatsuit but a real person who is shaped like that is still...NOMINALLY THERE and OMG what if you comment on it and you're WRONG?

So I get ushered into this little room and shown a bunch of pictures of people and asked to rate them on various things like competency and attractiveness, this is normal social psych survey stuff, except I'm SURE the experiment is does the person in the room with you and their appearance change your ratings.

And the whole time I'm distracted as FUCK, cause I'm just sitting there thinking "am I wrong and this isn't my TA somehow? no, no, pretty much ALMOST certain I'm right...etc." And "why would anyone be wearing a sweatshirt in this weather/building if they WEREN'T wearing a fatsuit?"

But MAYBE the point of the experiment is "will this person call out an obvious fake fat person?" And should I do so or not? Is this social pressure to conform and not speak the truth I know? Should I say something? I, uh, may have had an unknown and untreated anxiety disorder at this point in my life so, yeah I'm LOSING MY MIND and probably acting like a FREAK.

So anyway, eventually I decide okay, obviously you can't say anything because yeah...but you will be debriefed once this is over and you'll FIND OUT THE TRUTH. You won't have this lingering doubt in your mind when this is over because they will debrief you.

If you don't know human research, debriefing is when, after all the experiment data collection is over, they inform the subject of what the topic of the research was and explain any tricks or deception or anything to them. (We played distracting music to see how you did on the test...) If there was any potential distress involved it should be dealt with by examiners, etc. Usually in practice you are handed a slip of paper that explains the purpose of the study and what you did.

Usually you don't care and barely read it. But I was dying to be debriefed. I wanted her to be like "yeah I am wearing a fatsuit" and me to be like "lol, yeah I know, cause like, I know you right?" And if the secret purpose of the experiment was actually "will you say something" then I will be told that and get to explain why I didn't.

Like sometimes debrief also involves follow-up questions that helps determine why you gave responses you did or whether you should actually have your data thrown out for some outlier reason (like the person faking being fat is my fucking TA).

So we get done with all the questions and leave the small room. And we're in the antechamber and the TA is like "okay, cool, thanks bye" and directs me to the door. And doesn't hand me a debrief slip or mention debriefing AT ALL.

And now I'm fucking SPOOKED. It's a TRICK and they want you to SAY SOMETHING and you're going to try to leave without saying anything and they will then stop you and debrief you. So I wait, for like...several seconds, waiting for her to remember debrief and just get stared at so I go "oh okay" and like stutter-step my way to the door of the office and like open it and turn back and she's already gone, and so I like, step out into the quad and am like "what. the. fuck."

And I literally stand there like "should I go back in and ask to be debriefed?" Literally I knew enough to know that THIS IS THE PURPOSE OF DEBRIEFING to not leave subjects wondering about shit like this and not leave them with nagging doubts and questions.

And the only really mysterious experiment of my life just failed to debrief me.

But of course I don't do anything but walk slowly away.

And it's now 20+ years later and I never did find anything out. Except you can DAMN well bet I confirmed at my next class that 1) yeah that was TOTALLY my fucking TA, I was right and 2) NO she was actually really slim.

So I'm sure it was about how a fatsuit (or *cough* sorry "attractiveness") of an interviewer changes responses to surveys. But I'm STILL mad I wasn't debriefed because it's fucking annoying and violates HRB standards and I could have gotten them in serious trouble over that by reporting it. And also my data should have been thrown out.

Also this is why you shouldn't trust psychology studies because the subject pool is SHITTY AS FUCK. "Psychology is the study of the average American college sophomore" as one of my profs quipped and then didn't change his method of getting subjects.

[sarahsmi13s]

Two Ladders

pairing: jake ‘hangman’ seresin x sarah grant (fem!oc)

characters: sarah grant, jake seresin

warnings: language, pregnancy, pregnancy hormones, crying, loss of appetite, hiding feelings from significant others, light mentions of jake's PTSD, mentions of throwing up, all from jake's p.o.v, family issues, if i missed any let me know

word count: ~2.2k

a/n: this story is inspired by ‘His Little Girl’ (bradley bradshaw x reader) by the lovely @roosterscockpit​​  ( @milesdickpic​ ) also, yes, the oc is based on me lol (well a fantasy version lol) this is heavily inspired by my own feelings towards my actual brother and sister not getting along very well and the worries sarah has here are worries i've actually had when it concerns this topic

this is a backstory piece! you can find the other parts to j and s -> here

summary: jake notices a change in his fiance's behavior. at first he thinks it's caused by the pregnancy and sarah's hormones being out of wack. but when he comes home to find her crying on their bed does he finally voice his concerns and lets her vent to him.

When Jake first noticed something was wrong with Sarah, he thought it was just her pregnancy hormones making her a little emotional. He’d catch her crying or appearing a little out of focus, but she was an emotionally sensitive person, so he attributed it all to that and her hormones. 

Of course, he still held her when he found her crying, he’s her comforter, and he took that job very seriously. He knew her tears could be nothing, a result of simply reading something or seeing a video. Maybe she just needed his shoulder to cry on, and he was happy to provide it. If she wanted to talk about it, he was there to listen, and if she just wanted to curl in his lap, that was fine too.

If it was something really really bothering her, he hoped she knew she could come to him about it. 

He noticed that her appetite seemed to be shot too. She usually jumped at the chance to have him make one of his mother’s enchilada recipes, but she just shook her head and said a burger would be enough and then she only ate half.

But again, Jake blamed that on the pregnancy too. Sarah had morning sickness and was sick throughout the day, especially if something disagreed with her. So he thought that she was just trying not to irritate her stomach and never commented on it.

But he made note of it all. 

Jake was making sure not a thing went unnoticed. Because nothing can turn out to be something…

Jake sighed as he got in his truck, inhaling the perfume he sprayed on the back of his hand. Storms were rolling in, and he could feel the anxiety peaking in his chest, but the familiar all encompassing smell of his fiancèe helped keep him calm as he prepared himself to go home.

Before he started out of the parking lot, he pulled his phone out and sent Sarah a text. She was working right now, but she would text him back since it was her free hour, so she wasn’t doing much other than planning or putting grades in. 

After sending the text, he pulled up his playlist and started it before putting his phone face down and leaving the parking lot to go straight home.

When Jake parked in their driveway, he noticed Sarah’s vehicle also in the driveway. 

Tilting his head, Jake checked his phone. Had she called him earlier in the day to let him know that she was going to be home and he just didn’t realize? No.... and she hadn’t responded to his text from earlier either. 

Jake took a deep breath and got out of his truck, grabbed his things and went inside.

He was trying to rationalize it in his head, telling himself that she was okay and that the babies were okay. He needed to tell himself that, or he would spiral with the storm brewing above him.

Maybe the morning sickness was too much, and she didn’t want to stay at the school and “power through it” like she normally tried to. She came home to rest and was actually asleep when he sent that message, and she’s still asleep.

But she was okay, everything was okay.

Jake took a deep breath and went to the kitchen to get two bottles of water before going upstairs to the bedroom.

When he opened the door, he found Sarah on her side of the bed with her back to the door and curled up with a half-drunk bottle of water on her nightstand. At first, it appeared to be like she was just sleeping, so Jake decided to quietly just change into his sweatpants and get in bed next to her and try to sleep as well.

He wasn’t about to wake her up just because he wanted to be held. Sarah needed her rest, and just being next to her would help ease the anxiety the storm was riling up in him.

But as he slipped his shirt off, tossing it on the pile of khakis that he made a note of to fold later, he thought he heard a sniffle come from the bed.

He furrowed his brow but just slipped the black sweats on before turning to join her on the bed.

As he stepped towards the bed, he watched her subtly try to wipe her face as she sniffled. But when she cut off her own sob with her hand and buried her face in her pillow, his heart dropped.

He immediately rounded the bed to her side and knelt down, “Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” Sarah kept her head down, buried in the pillow, muffling her cries as Jake watched her chest jerk with sobs. He frowned and reached up to gently push her hair out of her face, “Sugar… please, talk to me, what’s going on?” 

Sarah unburied half of her face, and Jake’s thumb is quick to wipe the tears slipping down her cheek, “What are you doing home?” He frowned a little at her attempt to change the subject, but he sighed softly and answered her. “Storm grounded us, got to come home early.”

Her head quickly turned to him, her red-rimmed eyes wide.

“Oh my goodness, Jake. I’m so sorry, I forgot about that,” she said, sitting up and wiping her eyes. “Are-are you okay?” 

Jake felt his heart break just a little that she was worried more about him than she was about the fact he just caught her crying.

“I’m fine, Sugar. Better now that I’m home.” He reached up and cupped her cheek, “But you’re not fine, what’s going on?”

“It’s nothing, Darlin, just-” 

In the middle of her sentence, Sarah’s phone lit up with a notification, and her breath hitched.

Jake eyed her and then looked at her phone seeing that it was an email from one of her players about the practice schedule for the day. Another email dinged right after with her assistant coach's reply.

He placed it face down and looked up at her. “Did something happen at school? Is something going on between teachers that is making you so upset?”

Sarah’s mouth dropped a little, “Wh-what?” 

“Sarah… you have been crying nearly everyday. And-and your appetite is completely shot,” he said gently as moved to sit on the bed. “That’s just pregnancy hormones and not wanting to upset my stomach too much…”

Jake nodded before taking her hands in his, his thumb immediately playing with the ring on her finger, “That’s what I thought it was at first. But the fact a notification from your phone made you tense up is telling me that something else is going on. Please, tell me what it is.”

Sarah sniffled, taking in a shaky breath as she tried to collect her thoughts.

“It’s not school related… It’s um… it’s Shawn and Selena,” she said quietly as her voice began to clog with emotion. “S-something happened, and now they’re not talking. And I just… I don’t fucking know Jake…” 

Jake immediately wrapped her in a hug, not caring that she was sobbing directly into his ear.

“Shhh shhh, it’s okay, it’s okay.” 

He held her until she calmed down, rocking her gently as her tears dripped down his back.

She pulled back first to wipe her eyes, and Jake took the chance to move to the middle of the bed and pull her into his side.

“Talk to me, let it out, honey,” he urged gently.

Sarah took a deep breath before spilling it all to him. Everything weighing on her heart about the whole situation.

And Jake listened, he didn’t interject unless he had a question, and even then, he felt like he needed to wait to say something at all.

“I just – I feel like I’m on two ladders with all of this… One ladder is Shawn, and the other is Selena, and I’m doing the damn splits. I either need to pick a ladder or get off and leave both. But I can’t, Jake… I can not pick, I will not pick.” 

She harshly wiped at her eyes, “I just I fucking can’t, Jake… But either way, pick or not pick, I’m gonna hurt someone’s feelings.”

“Are they asking you to pick sides?” 

“N-no… I don’t know what happened, I know bits and pieces like I told you… but it’s clear feelings have been hurt, and I feel like it’s gonna come down to me having to pick, and I can’t fucking do that…” 

She pulled back from Jake, “And I’m terrified to like or share anything on Facebook from either of them in case it hurts someone’s feelings. I shouldn’t be fucking scared about that, but I am!”

“And,” she continued as more tears gathered on her lash line. “When they weren’t on speaking terms before, they wouldn’t be seen at the same fucking function together. If one was there, the other wasn’t. If one had no idea the other was gonna show up, they would stay until after dinner and then fucking leave.”

Jake felt his heart break as he gently rubbed her back. This was affecting her deeply. It would have affected her like this before the pregnancy, but it was tenfold with the heightened emotions.

“And… fuck, I feel so selfish for feeling like this…” She wiped her eyes again, “I’m afraid that if they aren’t on speaking terms by October, they’re not gonna be at the wedding.”

“Why do you feel selfish for feeling like that?” 

“Because Jake, I’m worrying about my own feelings over theirs!” Sarah rubbed her face, frustrated, “I’m worried about how this affects me, this isn’t about me! But just – fuck I feel like such a shitty person…”

Jake’s jaw dropped, “Hey, hey, hold on now.” He pulled her hands away from her face, “You are not a shitty person for having your own feelings about a situation. There is nothing wrong with that. You are not selfish for worrying about whether or not your brother and sister will be at your wedding. You’re not, Sugar.” 

He squeezed her hands, “Why didn’t you come to me with this? You know I would have your back…” Sarah sniffled and looked away, “I didn’t want to bother you… I wanted to try and do this all on my own…” 

“But you don’t have to… You deserve to know that you have someone to catch you if you fall off those two ladders. That you’ll have someone to go to if you choose to walk away.” He gently turned her head to look at him as he wiped her tears, “Do you want advice, or do you just want me to hold you?” 

She leaned into his hand, “I could really use your advice… I’m so stuck, and I’m so scared…”

Jake nodded, giving her a gentle smile, “I think that what needs to happen is that you just need to step back from them both. Just be honest with them and tell them that you can’t handle this right now. You are allowed to do that. The stress and anxiety is not good for you or the twins. It is affecting you a lot, Sarah… This whole thing is affecting you, you are literally making yourself sick over it.”

Sarah opened her mouth, but he stopped her.

“Your appetite is almost gone, you eat because you know you have to. I don’t think it’s just the food that irritates your stomach anymore. Yes, you’re pregnant, and you’re gonna be throwing up. But your mental well-being affects your physical well-being, and all of the stress and anxiety is making you sick.”

He pushed some hair behind her ear, “If you want to take a few days before saying anything, that’s fine. But I really think you should consider it. I know they’re family, and you love them both, but you have to think of how this is affecting you. Do not hurt yourself in order to please them, that’s not fair to you.”

She pulled back a little to wipe her eyes before looking at her lap. “I just don’t want them to think I’m mad at them… because I’m not mad at them.” Jake nodded and tilted her head up, “I understand that, and I know that you care about everyone so deeply… but you have to put that care into yourself, too.” 

She nodded, and he pulled her into a hug, “I love you so much, Sugar. I’ve got your back.” “Thank you, Jake. I love you too.” He smiled and kissed the side of her head before she pulled back and kissed his lips.

Jake chuckled, “Now, I can put on a movie, or we can watch MrBallen and cuddle before I go make dinner. Does that sound okay?” “Ooooh, we need to catch up on MrBallen, let’s do that,” Sarah responded, grinning as she turned to get the remote. “And yes, I had a small lunch before I came home, and I have some spare saltines in the drawer. I’ve eaten today.” 

He kissed her head, “Good girl.” She scoffed playfully and layed down next to him, turning on the TV.

After a few minutes, Jake spoke up, “You know, we could also say that your doctor told you to watch your blood pressure–” “Jake, focus on the strange, dark, and mysterious. We can work on it later, okay? I need the distraction.” 

He chuckled and nodded, “Yes, ma’am.”

i know this is kind of a random, unprompted J and S piece, but my muse was playing off my deep internal feelings and brought this piece to fruition

never the less, i hope you enjoyed

and i will be getting to the twins arrival and the wedding as soon as i can! i'm just working on other series as well, thank you for being so patient with me! 💜

j and s tags <333: @milesdickpic @roosterscockpit @luckyladycreator2 @hotch-meeeeeuppppp @sebsxphia @mamachasesmayhem @nobody7102 @djs8891 @kmc1989 @marbledaesthetics @fangirlbang @penguin876 @hisredheadedgoddess28 @bellaireland1981 @memeorydotcom @matisse556 @harryigprompt @sky2nd @scarlettwidow19 @showthemwhoyouare-6 @coffeewithcal @whatislovevavy

[darcytaylor]

Hello!

I would like your opinion in some topics about Luke that are kind driving me insane. Hope you can respond to it.

I think that for Luke, the press tour has a negative response. Before the tour, I thought him an adorable dork and genuine person. How Nicola would talk about him, how he used to portrait himself seemed such a nice person. I don't know if the lack of acknowledgement to Nicola, how she would always hype him up and he never had a compliment for her irked me.

During the tour things that I never associated to him became the things first in my mind when I see his photos or videos. Things likes indigenous, full of ego and jealous. How looks he doesn't care for the fans, for the people who depends on the show and who worked hard for it, for Nicola and even for his own hard work.

I don't even care he has a girlfriend. I don't ship him with Nicola because she deserve a mature partner and Like kind doesn't act his age. I would like to stop filing that way, because Colin e Penelope are my favorite book, and the way he's making me feel is ruining it for me. But I don't know how. Please give me your opinion.

Hey! I want to say that I am sorry you are feeling the way that you are. Disappointment is a strange thing, it makes you feel angry and sad all wrapped up together and it sucks!

I do see where you are coming from with how the promo tour brought light to a different version of what most people thought Luke was.

One of the things I mentioned in my deep dive into Luke's relationship was that so many people (Nicola included) said that Luke was most like his character. That alone is a lot to live up to. When you have a character (that I believe was made for the female gaze) that you yourself and other people say you are like, the expectations would be insane. I'm not shocked that when people started seeing cracks in that, people could/would be more disappointed than usual.

Another thing that people have been seeing is Nicola having exceeded all the expectations when it came to the promo tour. Nicola had a lot of people expecting her to not do a good job, people upset that she was the next season. But she showed everybody that she was worth it, that she deserved to be where she was, while also being a good person.

Luke did have hate come his way but not in the same way or as strong as Nicola. And because of that I think that Luke didn't feel as inclined to prove himself worthy.

(I'm not saying that either of them should have had to prove themselves, but when you have someone like Nicola doing just that, and Luke doing the bare minimum, it definitely cast a negative light towards Luke)

We also have to realize that Nicola is just better at building people up, she is better with words, she is better at communicating than Luke will ever be. So to expect the same from Luke, will ultimately cause disappointment and I believe is an unrealistic expectation for Luke.

You can see the anxiety coming off of Luke at times, and when you have anxiety it can make it way more difficult to say certain things, do certain things, act a certain way. I don't want to make excuses for Luke but I can see how that alone could effect how the public sees him, and it not be how he actually feels. So giving him a little grace when it comes to that, could be valid.

I think when you take a step back and understand that Luke is just a regular guy, with regular insecurities, it makes the situation a whole lot better and easier to understand. His actions have proved to me that he is insecure (getting into a relationship with a young adult, his friend group, his anxiety, his actions towards his career).

Sometimes when someone shows to have an inflated ego, it is actually their need to prove their worth and to mask their insecurities.

My advice to you is to try and not have expectations of people (especially ones we don't know), that way if they show a slight variation of the person you thought they were, you won't be disappointed. And you may find it easier to understand where they are coming from and find grace in their actions.

I do think that Luke has made SOOOO many mistakes in the last year. He has shown a different side of himself that his audience didn't know he had in him. But we also don't truly know him, we don't know the situations he has been in for him to act a certain way, or why he has chosen to do certain things.

He is also human, and humans make mistakes, they don't always act perfectly, they don't always make the correct decisions. But that doesn't make them a bad person, that just makes them human.

Accepting that Luke may not be the version you thought him to be and realizing that he can still have good and bad qualities (and accepting that), may help your situation of continuing to love Penelope and Colin.

I hope you can still love Penelope and Colin (and maybe it will just take some time), because they are such a great couple!

[honeybadger-has-a-grimoire]

Pokémon Grounding Ritual

Hey, everyone! It’s Clover, and, as per the results of the poll, the next blog topic is my Pokémon Grounding Technique! And I have to say, this is a good thing to write about now, specifically, since a lot of stuff went down IRL—and I’ll definitely need to ground and recenter myself soon.

So grab your bag, your favorite Pokémon, and your Pokédex as we talk about how I use one of my favorite media franchises in my practice!

Psychology and Witchcraft: A Quick Background Discussion

Okay, so before we go on our journey to be the very best like no one ever was, a quick discussion on how I use psychology in my practice is necessary for background knowledge.

In my witchcraft practice, I use the idea that spell work and ritual can help you calm down and focus on a problem at hand. In doing things with your hands and with the set intention of helping you out with X,Y, or Z, you are creating a space in your brain to look at the problem from a new perspective. This new perspective then helps you solve the problem since not only is your headspace calm, but, also, doing the spell diverts your consciousness from the problem at hand—which then allows your unconscious mind to work through it a bit better and help find a solution through processing all the information you have gathered.

I mainly use this approach to witchcraft through grounding techniques, like making Tea or playing Pokémon. The ability to use my hands and distract my brain helps a lot to calm me down and look at problems or situations through a new perspective—mainly a calm one.

Pokémon specifically comes in handy when I’m overstimulated, exhausted, and miserable. I work two jobs, and one of them has various different types of lights of various levels of brightness and warmth. This lack of uniformity causes a migraine due to photosensitivity and it only gets compounded by the store being wall-to-wall with customers on Sundays. So I start feeling overwhelmed and jittery and not okay. I need to escape and to ground all the excess energy.

So… I hid in the girl’s bathroom, turned on my emulator, lowered the brightness and played GBA rom hacks and fan games of Pokémon.

And that’s where my little ritual began.

Now, let’s actually talk Pokémon ritualistic grounding.

Pokémon Grounding Ritual

The actual ritual itself is very simple and adaptable to your specific needs. Remember, what works for me may not work for you and what works for you may not work for Tyson down the street and what works for Tyson may not work for his partner. In witchcraft, Pop Culture Witchcraft especially, a lot of it requires researching (cultural/historical contexts, open versus closed practices, other people’s paths, etc.) and then trial and error.

For me, the Pokémon Grounding Ritual works as such:

I hide in the bathroom, my room, or another solitary place. Double points if it’s dark and quiet.

I boot up my Delta Emulator app on my phone.

I let my intuition guide me on picking out a Pokémon game to continue playing—and this is the most important step because I am usually too overwhelmed to think. So, by going on autopilot, I am allowing myself to slowly start coming down from overstimulation or anxiety.

I play and allow myself to focus on the game for about five or ten minutes (more depending on how overwhelmed I feel and where I am). And I let my inner self decide when it’s ready to rejoin the world—which is usually after a battle or two.

Repeat when necessary.

Allowing my excess energy to have a focus is why this really works. I am taking all this pent up, uncomfortable energy and putting it into action physically by moving my hands and letting the calming surroundings of my favorite video game franchise bring me back to myself. When I’m home, if I’ve had an overwhelming day, I usually do this by working on my Arthurian Grimoire project you’ve seen me post on my main blog or make tea. But I can’t exactly pull out my craft kit or my teapot whenever I’m out and overwhelmed.

Psychological-Techno magick is great for on the go because I always have my phone on me in case of emergency. So I will always have Pokémon with me.

What about you guys? Do you have a similar ritual? If not, what’s your go to grounding? Tell me, I would like to know!

That’s it for today, folks!

[cirilla-fiona-riannon]

Francis Drake Main Story

Translations may not always capture the exact nuances or tone of the original text. Expect grammatical errors.

Mitsuki: "I'm sorry! Are you okay?"

???: "Be more careful."

(Whoa…)

I hurriedly crouched down to pick up the book, and my gaze met the eyes of the man who also crouched down.

(His eyes are beautiful.)

I unintentionally got lost in his purple, crystal-like eyes.

???: "........."

(I wonder why.)

I noticed that the man in front of me was also staring at me, and I felt a bit confused.

Mitsuki: "Um, I'm really sorry. Are you hurt?"

???: "No."

???: "You're not affiliated with the university, are you?"

Mitsuki: "No. I came to deliver something to Professor Ayscough."

The man's voice was composed and cold as a block of ice.

(Maybe he's a professor. He's probably suspicious of me because I'm an outsider.)

???: "If it's Professor Ayscough, he's in the middle of a physics lecture. It'll end soon."

Just then, the bell signaling the end of the lecture resonated through the courtyard.

The man took the book from my hand, stood up gracefully, and shifted his gaze to my side.

???: "Is there a problem with that?"

Mitsuki: "Huh? Oh!"

Following his gaze, I noticed the basket containing the food I had left nearby had tipped over, and the small bottle containing the rouge had rolled out.

(Crap.)

Mitsuki: "It's okay! Sorry for causing trouble."

???: "........."

I hurriedly put the small bottle back into the basket and bowed my head to the man.

The man didn't say anything and turned his coat around before leaving.

(I hope he didn't notice that the contents of the bottle were blood.)

Just as a hint of anxiety crossed my mind, the professors and students who had finished their lectures began to arrive one after another, transforming the serene courtyard into a bustling area.

(Good thing a lot of people didn’t see it.)

Isaac: “Mitsuki? What are you doing here?”

Mitsuki: “Isaac! Oh, thank God, you’re here.”

I told him I was on an errand and handed him the basket with rouge and food in it. And...

Mitsuki: “Actually, just now, a professor-looking guy saw the bottle with rouge earlier.”

Isaac: “Huh?”

I whispered and told Isaac about what had happened earlier.

He pondered for a moment and shrugged his shoulders lightly.

Isaac: “Well, normally, no one would think you’re carrying blood. They probably thought it was wine or something.”

Isaac: “You said it was a delivery for me, right? If they ask anything, just come up with a random excuse.”

Mitsuki: “Yeah, thank you. He had beautiful purple eyes and a calm demeanor.”

Isaac: “Yeah, that’s probably Professor Maury.”

According to Isaac, this professor had recently started working at the university.

Isaac: "We usually just exchange greetings, but there was one time when he listened to me talk about my research."

Isaac: "He was really helpful, and he provided insightful thoughts. Professor Maury seems to be involved in research related to natural sciences."

As Isaac talked about the professor, his eyes seemed to sparkle a bit.

(Isaac must have really enjoyed that, even though it sounded like they were discussing incredibly advanced academic topics.)

Isaac: "Sorry, I went off topic."

Mitsuki: "No, it's okay. Hehe. That professor must be great if even Isaac Newton is saying that."

Isaac: "Don't tease me."

Isaac shyly twirled his hair with his fingers, and I couldn't help but giggle.

Meanwhile...

???: "The new moon is coming soon."

"Professor Maury" gazed up at the sky from the hallway window.

The moon hanging in the blue sky would vanish fleetingly in another 2 to 3 days, obscured by his own shadow.

???: "You understand, right? Drake."

The words he muttered were directed at a man who wasn't there.

After finishing my errand for Isaac, I went to town to do some shopping.

(I have to be more careful about the Rouge.)

(Good thing Professor Maury doesn't seem like the type to pry.)

I remembered his amethyst-like eyes, and suddenly, Drake's aquamarine eyes came to mind.

(He was completely different from Drake.)

(Wait, why am I thinking about him?)

(We've been spending more time together, and both of them have beautiful eyes, so it's just a random coincidence. Yeah, that's probably it.)

I walked near the Seine River and heard the lively voices of women enjoying themselves.

Woman 1: "The Seine River tour was so much fun. And the boatman was so hot!"

Woman 2: "Didn't he say he just arrived in Paris? The tour was a bit rough, but that made it more fun."

(Heh? A riverboat tour, huh? That's still popular even in modern times.)

(It's sunny today, so that must've been nice.)

I walked along the bank of the river, intrigued.

???: "Miss, how about taking a little break on the boat and skipping work?"

(Huh? This voice...)

Mitsuki: "Drake!?"

When I turned in the direction of the voice, Drake was on a boat moored at the riverbank, waving his hand.

Mitsuki: "Drake, what are you doing here?"

Drake: "I'm working, of course. Can't you tell what kind of job I'm doing?"

Mitsuki: "Oh, I know! You're a boatman!"

Drake: "Bingo. It suits me perfectly, right?"

Drake: "I made my captain debut on a tour boat today, though this is a borrowed boat."

Mitsuki: "I see. So this was your errand."

(I'm surprised he found a job for himself. This guy is so reliable!)

Drake: "I still don't know much about Paris, so even though it's a tour boat, the ride was rough."

I listened to his explanation and suddenly realized the women I had seen earlier were probably his customers.

Mitsuki: "The people I saw were probably your customers, Drake. They said the ride was rough but fun."

Drake: "Haha! That's good to hear. I'll keep improving."

Mitsuki: "I had no idea you were looking for a job."

He suddenly shifted his gaze to the rippling river.

Drake: "I didn't come back to life because I had some grand goal like the others."

Drake: "But I also can't just laze around the mansion all the time. Besides, if I keep bothering you, the others might find me annoying."

Mitsuki: "I don't think that would happen."

He glanced at me, smirking, then turned his gaze back to the flowing river.

Drake: "I tried looking for something to keep me going and still ended up on a boat."

Drake: "I guess I'll give this world a shot until something starts to make sense."

(Give this world a shot, huh?)

I was impressed, but at the same time, his words tugged at something deep in my heart.

Mitsuki: "You're amazing."

Drake: "Hm?"

Mitsuki: "You suddenly came to a different world and time, yet you're trying to forge your own path."

Drake: "It's not as grand as you're making it sound."

Drake: "Survival for me means either earning my keep or plundering. That's the only way of life I know."

I only knew fragments of his life as a pirate and a naval officer, but his image was somewhat like that of a ship unfazed by rough waves.

(He's the kind of person who sails on the ocean, shaking off anxiety and hesitation as he goes, but...)

Mitsuki: "Do you never wish to return to the world you originally came from?"

My words slipped out like a drop of water, creating ripples on the surface of my heart.

Drake: "Mitsuki?"

Mitsuki: "You may never be able to return to your original world."

Mitsuki: "You're considering living here, but don't you find yourself thinking about what you left behind in your previous world?"

I realized what I had said and snapped back to reality.

(What I said just now wasn't words of concern for him. It was just my own feelings.)

I'd been avoiding and suppressing these anxieties and hesitations deep inside me for so long.

Mitsuki: "S-Sorry. I shouldn't have brought that up, especially when you just started your new job."

Mitsuki: "I'm going shopping now, so good luck at work!"

I tried to end the conversation and leave the place, but he grabbed my arm.

Drake: "Hold on, little fawn."

(.......)

Drake: "How about riding on Captain Drake's luxurious cruise ship?"

Previous Part ╎ Masterlist ╎ Next Part

[feelo-fick]

they call me the yapper because i

--well, okay, like. i mean if you really think about it to "be a yapper" is really relative from person to person; if someone doesnt talk much then of course theyd consider themselves to be "yapping" if they say something over, lets say, 5 sentences (the term yapping holds a sort of negative connotation too, so if someone believes they shouldn't be talking that would also affect their perception of their yapperism). as someone who likes talking and has grown a decent of confidence over the years about that, i tend to go off the rails on talking. despite this im aware that the amount that i speak seems sort of disproportional to to the average person. HOWEVER im a pretty busy person (+ am tired a lot) so its only in short bursts that i get to unleash my full yappering.

okay so, then, whats true yapping in my perception specifically? well, like ive said, i talk a lot unabashedly so my view can and will be weighted by that. personally i feel like yapping would be aroooouund 5+ paragraphs. maybe a little less?

i dont typically go over 3 unless im truly truly going off the rails. like that time i was trying to explain chilaios to my friends OH speaking of that reminds me i should probably be working on those meta analyses and the fanfic i was working on ages ago, god, i missed those - i never actually started on that fic by the way WELL I MEAN TECHNICALLY I DID i started drafting it but i got really intimidated cause. i was staring at it and it sucked and like man i KNOOOOW the first draft it meant to be complete shit BUT LIKE I CANT STAND STARING AT IT ITS SO NERVE WRAKING im not even worried that other people are gonna judge (though thats definitely a part of it)

but anyways thats unrelated, actually i dont think i DO talk that much now that i think about it i mean its only when someone asks me an interesting question or i have a lot to share - which sometimes i do sometimes i dont, but usually in conversations with my friends i do. but again, lack of time and such n such. i honestly WISH i could yap as much as i want to (yap in a positive sense here because talking is never REALLY inherently negative) because it would give me the opportunity to share more information, whatever the topic may be, with other people. and maybe have them learn something that i did too! but theres so many (percieved) obstacles, especially between my thoughts and experiences vs others that its hard to get the words out there. i know i said earlier that i talk unabashedly and its true that i dont really care specifically about the AMOUNT that im speaking, i get a lot anxiety about what im talking about. even if theres no clear correct answer! but somehow, having an opinion feels like an act violence to those who dont share that opinion. WHICH IS A BAD MINDSET, OBVIOUSLY, but its hard to help. what if having my own thought hurts someones feelings? what if having my own autonomy as a person becomes an obstacle that someone needs to get over? what if taking up space in a room is denying someone elses rightful place? its crazy when put on paper, but so easy to slip down the slope until any feeling or need that is not someone elses is a threat to you and others--

anyways, what was i talking about??? oh right they call me the yapper because. because i uhhhh............???