#it's 3am and this is the funniest shit ever to me

[genesisrecord]

gene speedrunner au (for @literatureluver)

[kryptickrow]

if you handed a British or Australian an American biscuit they would assume it is a scone because the word biscuit is not used for the pastry type in question. they're basically the same thing outside of America (as. far as I can tell.)

to be completely fair though I have never had an American biscuit because it's a purely North American thing (I think), I'm just basing it off the way they look and so I will concede that if you were to ask me to directly compare them both in reality my answer may end up being different.

however, this is not the first time I have had this argument with someone, and that resulted in me making the "chart" seen below

also I think it'd be more apt to compare it to saying white bread and banana bread are the same thing, because while on a technicality they are, in fact, both bread, you don't use them for nearly the same purpose despite theoretically being able to. /silly

Derin when I get over there in a few months I'm going to have to find you and sit you down with a big ass plate of biscuits and gravy. They are NOT scones. They look like scones but are not. They are flaky delicious things not a sad rock of disappointment.

Never insult scones to me again.

Have a delicious scone with me and maybe you'll calm down.

[lunchboxe]

Gonna say smth controversial about Tokyo Debunker rq

(not really controversial. More of just everyone ever disagrees with me)

I fucking love Leo Kurosagi. He is the bitchiest, most selfish, egotistical piece of shit in the entire character roster and I love it.

LOOK AT HIM.

HE HAS A CONSTANT FUCKING -w- FACE

"washed-out child actor"

"himbo"

"clingy James Bond"

Hilarious.

And he's so obviously self-serving in everything he does too. When Jin holds her hand it's for his Stigma, when Towa clings to her it's just cuz he's like that, but when Leo does it? No fucking reason whatsoever. Obv to power up his stigma, but i'm talking about how he fucking clings to her arm.

There is no confirmation that being closer makes it more powerful, he's probably just doing this to fuck with her, and I find it. Hilarious.

All bark no bite. He doesn't fight, he doesn't threaten fighting, he insults and blackmails and

Everything he does, he does for fun.

But Alan is right! He can, and does, take things seriously! Often, too! He takes the initiative to use MC's ring to find the ghost, he comes up with the plan in the first place in both this chapter and the Takeru one, he's clearly distressed about Alan's life sentence, he looks up the records on his own, he's like 2nd place in exams, he was unwaveringly confident he could get Alan out, and on top of that he gave Alan several chances to get MC and Sho out of the room before discussing Dante.

He's mean, and bitchy, but he's not mean and bitchy for completely no reason. He insults and admonishes Subaru about Bonnie, but he shuts up (albeit reluctantly) when he learns the problem is resolved, he tries to get MC killed, (which is obviously not a good thing like wtf man) but he does it to get her 'out of the way' (not a good reason still but yk) he stops Alan from giving her the case file, but he only does it to make a copy bc Alan was going to hand off the only one.

My point isn't "he's a reasonable person" my point is "he doesn't do things purely to hurt other people." Is that a reason? Absolutely, fucking look at him. I'm not being an apologist, he fucking sucks and he's an outright terrible person, I'm just saying that he is by far the funniest and most realistic genre of "petty egoist asshole college boy" out there, and imo it makes him one of the most compelling characters in the game to me.

Leo is not a good person. Not at all, actually. But despite his OBVIOUS, APPARENT, AND SIGNIFICANT flaws, he is still, technically, a human. (Probably. Ghouls are confusing.)

And he does care. Quite a bit, actually. Just not even nearly as much about MC as he does Sho and Alan. And even while caring about Sho and Alan, he openly insults them both, inconveniences them often, and is generally very hard to get along with, but the game makes it very clear through his actions that he is not heartless, and is very willing to help when push comes to shove.

Maybe heart... Impaired, but not heartless.

(this whole thing was written at 3am by someone with school in the morning, so it's all just rambles and pointing out the obvious and wtv, but yeah. Idk man I see myself in him and wanted to say some shit so here it is. Some shit I said.)

[drowninginblox]

Never read Fanfiction in the Kitchen at 3am. Or do.

Kurt Wagner (nightcrawler) x reader fanfic Reader and Kurt or similar ages, GN reader (don't mind how gendered the German language can be!), Mutant reader, very self-indulgent, and fic awareness BTW You can put in any iteration of Kurt you want. I just have a '97 and Fox bias (Yes my taste is shit, why are you surprised??) Btw this is written in the second person POV. I am not sorry.

It was late. You should have gone to bed.. what? Three hours ago? But you were being f e d. Your fave just uploaded after a year-long hiatus for a ship that you knew would never happen- Nightcrawler X Reader.

You were sitting in the kitchen, kicking your feeding and giggling into the hoodie you were using as pajamas. Oh, the professor must be so disappointed in you. But who cares! If he wants to know that you think his lingering gase whenever he talked about Magneto was grounds for a classic case of internalized homophobia then that's on him. He wouldn't be looking into the hellscape known as your mind if he didn't want to know the absurdity of the X-Men fandom.

You only lurked from the sidelines, giggling at the headcanons and imagine scenarios that people made up for the majority of the X-men. The funniest were always Logans even though most of them are so well written. But now was not the time for that- you were indulging in your crush on Kurt. This author is characterizing him pretty well all things considered. I mean yeah, they emphasize the tail a bit, and don't really lean into his German but- you'll take what you can get. Most of these people are humans that don't really divulge into mutant territory. But you think this writer is one. It's either that or they've done their research. They really understand the struggle and don't shy away from the animosity that comes with living with physical mutations.

You take another sip of tea as you read, savoring the dialogue of the reader insert. This Y/n is hilarious but sensitive. "Whatcha reading?" You immediately close the laptop as you jump- almost spilling your tea as you see Kurt, eating a banana. You shakily put down your mug "Holy fuck Kurt-" You mumble, taking a breath. "You scared me! What the hell?!" He only laughs at your suffering, making you huff. "What are you doing up?" she asks lowly. Kurt's laughter dies down after a minute or so. "Oh, I was just hungry. And then I saw you! You seemed very invested in whatever you were reading. Was it saucy?" He mused, taking another bite of the banana. You sigh. "I don't need to tell you what I was reading, I just was." You defend as your mutation activates on its own. You, dear reader, can change color! Any color! But you don't control it all the time. Sometimes it reflects your emotions- like right now.

"That's a wonderful shade of pink you have mein bunter freund. Jetzt bin ich wirklich interessiert... What had you so invested?" Next thing you know, he's gone in a dark cloud. Then he's holding your laptop. Now he's sitting on top of the fridge. "Kurtis!" You nearly yell. "Give that back!" Your skin only grows into a hot pink. He only laughs from his position, opening up your laptop. "Come now it can't be that bad!" He looks down at your computer, reading the fanfic. All you can do is watch as his face gets closer to the screen. Your skin erupts in various shades of dark blues, purples, and greys while tears build in your eyes. Embarrassment and shame make lumps form in your throat. "I-I hope you're happy Kurt." You mumble as you walk away, not caring anymore about what he may or may not think of you because now he knows two of your biggest secrets. The first being you read fanfiction, and the second that you have a crush on him. Just great.

"H-Hey! Wait! Mein regenbogen!" You hear him call but you keep walking back to your room. This night can't get any worse if you just hide from it. Maybe tomorrow you can convince him to forget that this ever happened. Or maybe convince yourself that this is all a bad dream. He keeps calling your name until eventually he appears a yard away from your door, laptop in hand. "Listen I-" You take your laptop out of his hands. "First of all, I don't care that I like you-grabbing someone else's shit regardless of who they are is not cool Kurt. Second- I was not reading what you may or may not have seen and any mention of it that reaches me is going to equal to one hour of ass-kicking. Do you understand?" Kurt looks on at you, startled by the sudden hostility. "Kurt." Kurt blinks a few times before nodding. "Good. Nothing happened, I'm going to bed, goodnight." You manage to say before tears start to run as you rush to your room.

Before you can get inside, he grabs your wrist "Before you go- please- hear me out" You look at him. "Nothing happened Kurt-" "I like you too!" Your eyes immediately widen. Any words you had in store for him vanished, only replaced by awestruck stuttering. "Wh-what-" "I have loved you for years! I never knew you were interested let alone pining-! If I had known I'd have confessed to you earlier and I know that I shouldn't have taken your stuff, that was awful on my part. Es tut mir so leid, meine Liebe, bitte verzeih mir. Ich werde es auf jede Weise wieder gutmachen.-" You blink a few times before taking a hand, making him stop immediately. "Meine liebe... my love? You- actually?" Kurt nods. "Almost as soon as I saw you." He squeezes your hand. "I- I didn't think you'd be attracted to-" Your eyes widen even more. "Kurt! Don't you dare finish that sentence! You are so handsome! You're the most handsome man I've ever seen!" You confessed. His face becomes a darker shade of blue as you realized what you just said.

"I-I am the most handsome man... you have ever seen?" he mumbles. He takes a few moments to process that. "So... you.." You nod. "For little over a year." He smiles. You can't help but smile back.

Who knew life imitates fiction? Let alone fanfiction?

[indie-summer]

The Cycling RPF Rec List

for @wtfanworkclassification

(tagging the blogs of the authors I know!!)

1. Favorite smut: a vocabulary, expanding by @strigimorphaes

It’s almost unfair that I made myself choose only one for each category, but yes, if I must, this is The One Smut for me. To put it mildly, it makes me weak in the knees every time I read it. It must have been like five times by now. To be read with the AC on and a glass of water by your side. Gotta love p*rn with feelings.

2. Favorite multi chapter: Faking It by @goingslightlymads

Am I biased when talking about this fic? Yes, because it was one of my Secret Santa gifts. Do I think I am unfair? Nope, not at all! I’ve never had any other experience in Cycling RPF like when I read (scratch that, binged) this one: it made me laugh and cry and it had my heart racing and had me hugging pillows at 3am. What a ride.

3. Favorite Sci-fi AU: jonas vingegaard goes back to the sea by @bakurasilver

Beautiful and clever. A reflection on the meaning of life and love, undercover as sci-fi. Bawled my eyes out with this one.

4. Favorite Fantasy AU: Fierce Creatures by @inbetweenpages

Great world building, incredibly fun and hot. Come here for wouthieu and stay for mathsper friendship, a very mysterious vampire!Jonas and a sentient house.

5. Favorite fluff: Worth it by @ridingupsaturn

Melancholic fluff. My favorite kind of fluff. Read it about ten times and had my heart fluttering through all of them. Love is kind of awesome, isn’t it?

6. Favorite angst: Drought by booming_business (part 2 of the A Study in Water series)

Shoutout to sad carpenter!Jonas who made a complete wreck out of me. The entire series is excellent, but this fic in particular is a masterpiece on its own! Also foundational exes!tadejonas fic before it was even a thing. Groundbreaking!!

7. Favorite drabble: doing what heroes do by @etapereine

I have two favorite types of drabbles: the one in which you feel like you read an entire story in just 100 words and the one that immediately makes you feel in absolute need of a 50k story as a follow-up because of all the possibilities it introduces you to. This one is definitely the second kind. I really need a full Percy Jackson AU long fic on my desk in, like, a week ago. Olympian demigods at the Olympics maybe??? Someone please???

8. Favorite crack/comedy: The 2024 Paris-Roubaix mass heat incident by Anonymous

Top 5 funniest shit I’ve ever read in my life and I’m not even exaggerating.

9. Favorite non-cyclists AU: all hearts in love use their own tongues by @thedeadparrot

I’m sorry, I’m not really a well-studied person when it comes to English literature. This is the only way I could ever read Shakespeare. I regret nothing.

10. Favorite remix/fix-it: Unbelievable, or only in Gotham by Lili_Writes_Banhof

Yes I’m parcial yes of course I am biased because it’s fixing one of my fics, but I don’t care. It’s cute, it’s fun, it’s fluffy (like all the awesome works from this author), you should all immediately go read it!

11. Favorite Soulmate AU: All your life by @interdisciplinary-disaster

I never once had given any thoughts about geese before this fic. Also this is the only cycling fic where the main character is not one of the cyclists, but an adorably exhausted old goose (at least the way I see it, because frankly, what a scene stealer). It changed my core!!

12. Favorite rarepair: Jonas is the boss by @mundanememory

Because ok, now everyone loves Jonas/Matteo but back in April it was a rarepair!! And this fic is awesome and hot and clever and features little big boss being… erm, well treated by a lovable giant ginger, so it deserves a million recs!

[saturday-byte]

Silly doodle inspired by @loveandsupportmachine 's comment on my other Hatchworth Gets High post, 3am me just thought it was the funniest shit ever

[brandogenius]

Ok i NEED this fic series bc that was such cute ideas the jet lag one is so me i’m always asleep on planes and stuff , just them running through the airport and at the back is just one of them holding on to readers wrist fully dragging them while ya is half asleep

also just living with them on tour and late night when your all in your bunks, the curtains pull back so your voices can be heard and just talking in the dark with all of them and just like domestic life with them

I just know those could either be the most heartfelt convos or the funniest shit you’ve ever heard

anyways i love this series and am willing to talk abt it any time

AHAHAJSJDJD

There’s one section in the fic im not gonna share much on for spoilers but it reminds me of what you said here 😭

like little kids on a sleepover. it’s quiet everyone trying to sleep but it could be 3am and you know what 3am everything is more funnier.

the boys and you keyword: trying to sleep but it’s so quiet like “night guys” “night” “goodnight” “night night” and it’s silent for a second before someone coughs and everyone interrupts into fits of giggles. “cmon guys we need to sleep” “yeah- night again”

until someone goes like “hi” and just bursts of laughter from the four bunks to the point everyone’s crying with laughter. and it gets quiet again until someone puts on “silence followed by occasionally vine boom sound”

could’ve been your first night in a tour bus with the boys and you’re like “i could get used to this”

[castielsparkle]

i forget how insular spnblr can be sometimes because i was shown a dean winchester gay man boot fetish post (so many paragraphs, detailed prose) and i never rbed it nor anyone else probably bc it was a 0 note banger after 0 note banger kinda blog. funniest shit everrr at 3am. admirable even. and ill probably never see it again bc the one other person who saw it i have blocked and have ultimately debated filing a restraining order against if they ever contact me again haha💙

[damagecompilation-a]

nobody:

me losing my shit at 3am playing ac2 because i keep trying to climb the fucking wall in rome but guards keep throwing rocks at me to knock me down and i think its the fucking funniest thing ever:

[iguessyouregonnamissthepantyraid]

Leon S. Kennedy

14, 20, 29, 30 🥰✨

14. Best storyline they had

okay here's the thing. i've literally only ever played re4 out of all the resident evil games lmao so. i'm gonna have to say re4

20. A weird headcanon

i guess this isn't that weird but it's firmly rooted in my brain: this man cannot cook a decent meal to save his life. absolute dogshit in the kitchen. eats cold beans out of a can at 3am. the only spices in his kitchen are a salt and pepper shaker that came with the apartment. he does not see anything wrong with this

29. How do you think they would be as a parent?

terrified at first. he'll say shit like "i'm not qualified to be a parent" while he's standing there cradling a baby perfectly in his giant beefcake arms and bottle feeding them. talks to the baby like it's an adult person, like, all the time. when the kid's a toddler he checks the closet for monsters, then tells the kid "listen, if that monster comes back, you tell him i'm the scariest thing in this house, and he can either leave on his own or i'll kick him out myself. got it?" and eventually he's the kind of parent where if the kid's fucking around misbehaving he just has to look up from whatever he's doing and they stop immediately. also this man WILL straight-faced threaten a small child for bullying his kid and feel no remorse over it

god. this is making me want to dust off my leon/luis writing. like, what if i threw a baby at them just to see what happens lmao

30. The funniest scene they had?

so much of re4 can be reframed as comedy tbh, but especially the mendez fight. "be careful" "i will be" [immediately gets bulldozed by a 7 foot tall super-powered priest] and then his one liners are INSANE for that fight. "guess your tap-dancing days are over" LEON PLEASE HE'S ABOUT TO KILL YOU

character ask game

[turntechanomaly]

Waking my f/os up at 3am like "babe babe wake up this is the funniest shit I've ever seen" and then I show them Big Papa Pickle and they look at me and just go back to sleep

[dearfriendsinhigherplaces]

i’ve really been missing all of my dr friends lately, i don’t know what to do 😢

i have my dhampir dr friend group and we’re really fucking chaotic and i need that atm and then i have my bg3 friend group and i need to give one of those bastards a hug right now. but yeah i’m actively missing these guys so much all the time it hurts

i really want to make a post talking about my pals because i need to talk about them but it feels weird over sharing about them even though they’re not in this reality lmao. it’s like a constant battle between wanting to over share about every aspect of my drs but also wanting privacy and to keep some things sacred lol

also this is what happens when i miss my friends i doodle this beautiful piece of art at 3am, because i try to draw my bg3 friend constantine in a serious way and it’s not working out so i do this instead because i know it’d make him laugh - and also make me laugh because this is the funniest shit ever

i promise i can actually draw

[amidnight--dreary]

They way you bring your characters alive is incredible. I love your ace Loki because he just feels really real! The ‘no I don’t fuck but I want to watch’ is such a mood.

The one with Loki wearing a wrist watch in his own home cracked me up. The image just seems really funny to me.

Tony reading The Silmarillion before everything else is the funniest shit ever but also SUCH a Tony thing to do? It’s really a harsh one to start with but of course he won’t back down. I totally understand the pain. Nice one.

Can’t wait to read more! Have a lovely day :)

- ✨

Oh I love that he feels real to you, that makes me so happy!! I loved writing him so much ajdhdh

Do. Do people not wear wrist watches at home. Because I do is that not normal😭 apart from that I just like it when he’s a fancy fucker lol like he’s the type to go down to the kitchen at 3am in slacks and a dress shirt just to eat peanut butter straight from the glass or something

Ajdh right? Starting with the Silmarillion is just kinda suicide rip. (I love it a lot but it’s just. A lot.)

Thank you so so much!!💖💖

[their80smichelle]

Me when I read tumblr fics at 3am and it's the funniest dirtiest shit ever.

I can’t stop laughing

[fogsrollingin]

"Rhys Darby Discusses OFMD & New Zealand Outback Steakhouse." Lights, Camera, Barstool. March 22, 2022. Original on YT || Archive.org

Full Notes

0-3mins At time of this interview, 6 episodes of OFMD out right now with 4 more to go. RD confirmed it was a midlife crisis, avid reader, fantasizing, realizing he could buy his way into this life. He built a library on the ship so he could still escape from the escape. Took his wardrobe with him. Blackbeard was coming to the end of his tether at this point in time & pure boredom.

3m30s “Blackbeard’s really intrigued by this ridiculous gentleman that should not be in that world.” Darby interpreted BB’s plan to kill Stede & steal his identity to be authentic.

4m: “Although I say it was a midlife crisis, there is something deeper going on there.”

4m40s on the joys of working with Taika. Sometimes we do break. We had to dramatic act together and that was fun because we hadn’t done that before. “We gave each other high fives as we wiped away the tears”

6m10s Taika would look at some directors and go “you sure you wanna do that angle?” lol

7m15s “I was walking in high heels half the time, these dainty man-boots that I definitely tripped over some ropes.”

8m10s Interviewer mistook an instagram img of Rhys’s youngest son in full pirate garb for Rhys when he was young, haha, really cute. Son’s always been into pirates, Rhys not at all. Rhys liked knights, ninjas, and star wars.

9m45s Will you be in Taika’s Star Wars movie? No calls yet; we’ll see.

12m media like this hasn’t gotten made much bc actually out at sea, “hard to shoot, everyone gets sick,” dealing with weather, Pirate Radio/The Boat That Rocked

14m Rhy’s favorite funny bit, Taika improvising + making the aristocrats laugh and concerned Stede. Rope physical comedy for an hour genuinely worried crew. Snakery snackery bit.

15m28s the interviewer made me laugh bc he was admiring how Stede stood up for Taika’s BB and helped him, “great moment of friendship and bondship” hahaha

16m30s Flight of the Conchords, they all huddled “can you see how much $$ is surrounding us?!” Kiwi guys against the world. Band meetings were the funnest thing ever.

18m25 Ewen Bremner aka Buttons is Rhys’s choice for funniest person on set. Matt/Black Peter. Dave Fane, Joel Fry is funny as hell.

19m40s Rhys was annoyed/angry with WWDitS bc it was always at night, once it had to be 3AM, no script, he had a cold at the time. Jemaine and Taika told the actors to go up to Rhys and just annoy him. What we’re watching is Rhys being truly annoyed by incompetent werewolves

22mins Jemaine & Taika came up with the title “We’re Wolves” for a spin-off movie. “Will it ever happen? Who knows” - RD

22m22s Hamburgers fave junk food, Fave toy?: 2 Transformers toys were his faves, skateboard, action figures.

24m30s Any movie you want about any real person, who? Sir Edmund Hilary, New Zealander climbed Everest. Richard Pierce who invited ‘flight’ - slightly before the Wright Brothers.

26m20s Worst heckler moment? Someone shouted  “Tell us a joke!”

27m30s Role you rly wanted but didn’t get? About an alien, it was called ‘Neighbor’ or something (I bet it was Syfy's Resident Alien). The White Lotus, the guy who shat in a briefcase. Interviewers tricked Rhys into believing it was the guy’s real shit during that scene lol

>Fogs' OFMD Interviews, Behind-the-Scenes, etc. Archives

[autumnrory]

#the funniest thing is if this was any other character id hate them forever until i die but because its steve its so easy for me to dismiss#the whole thing and separate it from Steve Rogers in my head BECAUSE its so wildly out of character#like dont get me wrong it pisses me off probably more than any other decision made in a fictional setting has ever pissed me off and while#this would have made me want fuck all to do with the character had it been anybody else i cant even hate him for it because thats literally#not him. easiest he would not fucking do that😂😂😂 of my life#like its insane how this is actually the single most out of character thing to happen in anything ever and im not even exaggerating#and i dont have to have seen everything ever to know that with certainty i just know it in my heart#steve's love for bucky was the driving force behind his character arc for three consecutive movies you cant just backpedal on that and#expect people to just go with it as if it doesnt go against literally everything thats been established#he disobeyed orders and marched into enemy territory on the off chance that bucky was still alive he was willing to die in that base if it#meant bucky got out safe he picked up the shield for bucky and then gave it up for him TWICE#he was ready to let bucky kill him because he didnt WANT to live in a world without him. like whats not clicking#he turned his back on the team he was leading for bucky without hesitation he was ready to let the whole world condemn him for it he didnt#give a single shit if anybody had a problem with it because bucky was always his priority#bucky was the one person who unconditionally loved steve through everything bucky was his childhood bucky was his family bucky was all he's#ever known and you're telling me. he abandoned his traumatized best friend who literally had nobody else. who he JUST got back. who needed#love and support more than ever after getting his brain fucked to hell and back. and just left him to go live a peaceful life with someone#who a) already had a family b) told him to move the fuck on c) HE BARELY EVEN KNEW. like youre telling me he just sat back and became a#househusband knowing damn well his best friend was being tortured and the world was going to shit around him for 70 fucking years

#like what are you people fucking talking about when you say any of that makes sense for his character. thats not 'giving himself a deserved#break' thats being a shit fucking friend and a piece of shit human being be the realest youve ever been#thats abandoning his morals and betraying his own character#the only reason bucky is even alive at this point is because steve fought tooth and nail for him to be. he wouldnt just leave him to figure#shit out on his own when bucky needs him more than ever. when everything hes done was to keep him safe from harm. when steve himself went#so long without anybody who truly knew and understood him#it doesnt make sense no matter how you want to spin it not even just for their relationship but steve's entire character#like. steve 'never backing down from a fight always doing the right thing fighting for justice' rogers would not fucking do that#i wish theyd blasted him into the sun instead theres literally nothing worse than this#they got me raging four years later at 3am like alright but u gotta get over it#BUT LIKE ITS JSUT LIKE (muffles screams in a paper bag) im okay guys 😁(willblogger)

the funny thing about the steve x bucky ending is that everyone was like “ah boo hoo ur just mad ur stupid little gay ship isn’t canon” as if what steve did wasn’t terrible & shitty through the lens of, you know, friendship