#it's 3am and i can't sleep so heres this even though i wanted to post all 12 together lol

[buglaur]

🌾 who're you romancing? 6/12

[kiemiu]

voice notes your boyfriend chris leaves you | ( fem!reader ) fluff + soft hours. established relationship drabble warnings? -> slightly suggestive, use of her wc 327 (library) + (request)

one. hey..me, nick, and matt just landed in boston about...half an hour ago? i—i can't remember i didn't get much sleep on the flight..but i wanted to call and say goodnight, and i love you but then i remembered it's 3am here so i know you're asleep by now. (long sigh followed by silence) i miss you already.

two. hi, pretty baby. you didn't answer my call so i'm assuming you're busy right now. (crunching noises) but that wouldn't make any sense because what else could you be doing besides being my girlfriend? like-(scoffs)

three. hey sweetness, i'm at target right now and im— looking up and down the toy aisle- well, im by the legos actually, and i cant remember which set you said you wanted..can you send me a pic, please? thanks.

four. (loudly burps) that one's for you.

five. can't stop thinking about you..i miss you a lot. (soft sigh) everything about you. (light whimper)

six. you look so pretty, mama. wish i was there to see all of you in person.

seven. since you're bored you should like, come over and sit on my lap while i play fortnite..yknow..just a thought.

eight. (nicks voice) if your boyfriend drinks another one of MY pepsi's you will suffer the consequences. (a hard smack is heard) (chris in the background: don't talk to her like that, are you insane?!)

nine. can't stop listening to our playlist we made together, it just makes me miss you even more even though i just saw you last night...we should just- like, move in together. or you should move in with me. i don't think the boys would mind.

ten. hi stinky, hope you feel better. i ordered some food for you and it should be getting delivered to you soon, so— make sure you pay attention to the doorbell, mkay? (kiss noise) love you, text me when you wake up.

' 𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕 ' 🥡: @emely9274 @ginswife @madifilipowiczslvt @chrispleasure @chrisstvrns @conspiracy-ash

a/n: just a quick drabble cause i'm working on smthn bigger and i still wanna post 🤭

[velvetreds]

photographer suna — marriage proposals!

PART 1 — HCS !

for @akaakeis <3 sav i'm so sorry for terrifying u in dms. u probably don't need any tissues. ily, thanks for being my inspiration for like, the third time this week. :)

cws — gn!reader, crying. sobbing. crying. fluff, ew. not proofread, its 3am. wc — 748

ever since you and your boyfriend started dating, you've modeled in so many things for him and his beloved cameras.

not only photos he posts, though. there are pictures of you with smudged makeup, and pictures of you drooling onto his chest as you sleep, and blurry ones of you smiling and laughing and just being... you.

and you don't really notice any differences this time. well yeah, maybe he's a little bit more excited than usual, and it must be more important because he's doing it in a venue instead of his studio.

you're wearing fairly casual clothes, nothing too fancy, but you look good. not that you don't look good in anything else, rin is quick to assure you. he's exceedingly careful today, and also... stricter than usual?

"smile, y/n."

you flash your prettiest smile at the camera, but he shakes his head. "try again?"

you obey, but he sighs, almost exaggeratedly. "this isn't working, y/n. it's not genuine enough."

he doesn't give you time to react as he continues. "i have a solution, though."

he presses something on the camera — are his hands shaking? — before putting it down on a side table and turning to you. "y/n, i love you."

you giggle. "i love you too, rin, but is that all?"

you're joking, but he shakes his head. "nah, there's more. you are my best friend, the love of my life, and everything i could ever want in a person."

you're definitely smiling now; he doesn't seem to notice. "these past few years with you have been the best time of my life. y/n, i adore you. we've been together for four years of my life, and i want to spend the next four with you too. and the four after that, and the rest of my life, so will you marry me?"

and he's getting down on his knees and pulling a box from his pocket, and your vision turns blurry as you nod frantically. "yes!"

at some point, you get down to his level, and he slides the ring clumsily onto your finger before his hands come up to cup your face, thumbs shakily wiping away your tears. it's not like he's faring any better, though, because he's crying as hard as you are — if not harder. your hands find his face before he kisses you, and the two of you fall back so he's sitting on the ground, you between his legs.

"i love you," you gasp through your sobs, and he smiles stupidly at you through his own tears.

"i love you too, you don't even know—"

"i do, i do," you whisper before he kisses you again, and then he pulls back, a dumb laugh escaping his throat.

"god, we look so stupid right now— i mean, you don't, i do, oh my god, the camera—"

"what about it?" you ask. you've both stopped crying, and he leans back to let you dig through his pocket for a tissue that you use to gingerly dab at your face before you turn on him.

"it— stop that, i look fine, it recorded everything, oh my god, y/n, stop—" he tries — in vain — to dodge your accursed tissue, bright red hues spreading across his cheeks as you laugh at him.

"bet you didn't expect to cry," you tease, poking his warm but damp cheek. "you love me sooo much, you just had to!"

"yeah," he says, and it comes out softer than either of you expected. "i do."

"you better say the same thing at our wedding!"

our wedding. ours. his heart skips a beat.

"i will, damn."

the ring on your finger feels both foreign and familiar, you note as rintarou gets up to collect his things. it's gotten colder since the two of you arrived here, and you shiver. rin gives you his jacket to wear as the two of you head to the car; he zips it right up to the collar before using it as leverage to pull you in and kiss you again.

"better get to planning the wedding, hmm? can't wait to have you forever," he murmurs, intertwining his fingers with yours.

"you already have me, forever," you tell him, and once more, you reduce the blank-faced, 6'3" photographer into a stammering, blushing mess. he says nothing, but you feel him squeeze your hand as he looks away, trying to hide his flushed face.

"shut up before i kiss you again."

thank u for reading ! <3 likes, comments and reblogs are very much appreciated. i almost cried writing this, too much fluff might throw up. also, i appear to have a medical condition where i can only write about suna and no one else. there'll probably be a part 3 for the wedding, btw.. no promises

[diagonal-queen]

The ADA as your roommates

♡ characters: Atsushi Nakajima, Dazai Osamu, Kunikida Doppo, Yosano Akiko, Jun'ichiro Tanizaki, Naomi Tanizaki, Ranpo Edogawa, Yukichi Fukuzawa

♡ synopsis: How good are the ADA at being roommates?

♡ cw: This is a post born out of medication-induced sleeplessness and months of pent up unfiltered fury directed at my shitty, shitty housemates. Some of that resentment may shine through in the headcanons. Also naughty words, NSFW themes with Dazai

note: hey y'all. i know it's not a request but it's the best i've got right now. law school and depression are kicking my ass. y'know that meme with the tiny man, and then the two buff dudes start beating the shit out of him? that's law school and depression with me. as always apologies for errors and i hope you enjoy x

Atsushi:

Help he's so sweet and awkward all the time?? Always gives you a little wave or a smile and nod when you pass each other in the halls

He buys candies and chocolates and things and leave them in a bowl on the table for people to take if they want :')

When his roommates feels sad he takes the time to hang out with them and help them through whatever problem they're having

In the morning when he comes into the kitchen to make breakfast he's all yawny and has a scruffy bedhead and it's SO cute

He doesn't do it consciously, but on occasion Atsushi will fall asleep on the couch, and even more occasionally he'll transform into Byakko in his sleep. You get used to it after a while, but you can't really invite friends over unless you know Atsushi is in his room or out of the house T-T

But he really is so sweet. If you bring someone over they develop a crush on him immediately, but of course he's oblivious. After they leave he turns to you and is like 'aw your friend is nice' (they were hardcore flirting with him)

If he ever has an issue with you or the house, he gets very nervous when bringing it up because he doesn't wanna cause any conflict (you could be smashing the plates on the ground every day and he'd be like 'hey so i'm super duper sorry to bother you like i really hate to nag but-')

My mans. Is doing. His BEST

Dazai:

Screw you.

Holy shit this guy is an absolute nightmare to live with. he'll drive you crazy within the week just because of how *little* he does around the house

He doesn't clean his dishes. He doesn't buy stuff for the house. He doesn't do a DAMN thing.

Preferably, if you're gonna be living with him, you'll also wanna bring Kunikida. He has his own issues but at least then there's a balance between a chore-driven man and the embodiment of sloth, the deadly sin

He will stumble through the front door at 3am with unkempt clothes and the stink of alcohol on him. and he won't bother trying to be subtle or quiet either. Just crashes around until he pukes on the floor and falls asleep on the couch

At least he flushes (more than I can say for my housemates /gen)

He drinks in the house, and leaves bottles everywhere. The entire place is damn near bordering a safety hazard because of all the glass

Tries to cook but absolutely can't do it- he sets fires, ruins the kitchen, etc etc. It wouldn't be unreasonable for you to assume that all takeout packaging and pizza boxes you find strewn around the house belongs to him

He's fully up for a secret hookup if you're into that, though. Just give his door a knock after 11pm and you're in

Kunikida:

This guy is both a saint and a total pain in the arse

On one hand, he does his chores and he does them literally perfectly. Is there even a perfect way to wash the dishes? There is now. Kunikida is here

On the other hand you can kiss your hopes of getting out of your own chores goodbye. This man makes a schedule. a chore chart. a system. he pulls out the whole nine yards

Thanks a lot DAZAI

Anyway, he has his merits. Kunikida brings it upon himself to bring up the slack (even if he doesn't want to) because he can't stand living in a messy space, so your home is always spick and span

He organises weekly or monthly meetings to discuss home affairs (he's a real Louis Moriarty, he will also make you omelettes)

Kunikida is also kind of a walking talking alarm clock- he wakes you up in the morning if you're not up by a certain time, and also gives you a lights out time at night when he deems it bedtime

He pretends that this is just a part of routine and etiquette and whatever- in reality, he just really cares about your health and wants you to get enough sleep and keep a consistent routine

He also encourages you to go out if you're an introvert because "staying inside all the time is bad for you". Damnit Kunikida

Yosano:

Oh she's so great to live with

Every time you run into her you two always end up bitching to each other about something. She's the ultimate bitch buddy

If you get sick she takes on the role of home doctor, quarantines you in your room, and tends to you until you're well again. Or, if she doesn't like you, she just chops you up and gets it over with lmao

Yosano drinks a lot though. You eventually get used to falling asleep to the sounds of crashing, whirring chainsaws and maniacal laughter from the next room over

She takes AGES in the bathroom, so you really ought to keep a bucket on hand or something just in case. Like this woman will be in there for hours on end (RIP your water bill)

She also always takes up the phone line because she's a lil social butterfly (RIP your phone bill) but she'll also take your phone calls for you if you don't like talking on the phone so there's that

Yosano is really sweet but she always leaves her stuff laying around. Like there'll just be patient portfolios and medical tools in the living room?? Girl

Some nights she comes home with a bigass pizza in her hand and a bottle of wine in the other, and you know you're in for a GOOD time

If you ever need some spare cash she'll give it to you but if you take too long to pay her back she WILL chop you up so beware

Tanizaki:

He's a perfectly adequate roommate.

In all honesty there's barely anything to say about Tanizaki. He does his chores, respects his roommates, helps them if they need help, etc etc. He's just a real stand up guy!

Though I HC that Tanizaki gets sick pretty easily, so he can sometimes be seen wandering the house with a pale face wrapped in a blanket making sad boy noises

He gives you lifts as long as you're able to provide gas money (or McDonalds, either works as payment)

He doesn't usually accept invitations to go out drinking, but he's more than happy to grab a coffee with you if time permits it. He's just a responsible guy 😌 (if you don't have time he'll also bring you a coffee because he's just that nice)

Tanizaki always has backup stuff in case you guys run out of anything. This man basically has a bunker's worth of extra supplies for literally no reason, but hey free stuff!

He likes to make dinner for you sometimes, and you guys eat together and chat (it's something he grew used to while living with Naomi)

He's always happy to lend you his stuff if you ever run out of things (because of Naomi he even keeps backup menstrual stuff on hand, so you vagina owners are all safe)

You guys definitely do face masks and manicures together too

Naomi:

Naomi might, literally, be the roommate ever

She does her chores, she keeps quiet at night, she lets you know if she's bringing people over. Her only flaw is that she's always talking about her brother. Naomi please

She's also very vocal whenever her brother's in the house. What are they doing ffs

She bakes cupcakes and cookies and stuff each week for her roommates

She also brings around her friends sometimes for movie nights, and if you come into the living room she invites you to watch movies with her and her friends

Naomi honestly invites you to everything. Parties, gatherings, hanging out with friends- she's a true extrovert and will adopt you if you're an introvert, you have no choice sry :/

She also decorates the place really well- in all honesty she really did miss her calling as an interior designer because miss girl makes your home look CLASS

Naomi is the roommate you go to when you're preparing for a date and you need help with your outfit or nerves. She's like the ultimate wingwoman fr

She also buys incense and air freshener so your house smells nice as FUCK

Ranpo:

He's almost as bad as Dazai, aside from the fact that he can respect rules, and so (although begrudgingly and with a lot of whining) he actually does his chores

If you all live together he steals all of the candy Atsushi left out for everyone :(

Basically lives in his pyjamas. He gets home from work and immediately gets changed into his jammies

He also hogs the TV and won't let you watch Netflix until his own shows are finished :( and he also judges you for your taste in TV regardless of what it is

Ranpo never cooks for himself or you, but he LOVES when you cook for him. It makes him feel so special

You guys also get takeout all the time. You make a tradition of it and get different stuff on different days. It becomes a part of the autism routine and now you're stuck wasting your money (haha)

You also have to take him places and accompany him everywhere because he knows fuck all about taking the train. You basically live life around Ranpo's (annoying spontaneous) schedule

He uses too much soap in the shower and gets bubbles all over the bathroom, but at least he smells nice?

He does all the house paperwork, so silver lining and all

Fukuzawa:

He's lowkey kind of scary 😔

Like, he's a really respectful roommate who does his chores and pays mind to his living companions, but he also just like barely comes out of his room or talks to anyone.

Plus, detective daddy kinda has a massive case of RBF which really isn't helping

That being said, he will make tea for you if you feel blue, and he'll sit in your room and silently listen to you complain about your issues for hours. The PATIENCE of this man

He randomly does really sweet stuff for you without saying a word about it. Replaces broken stuff, makes you pancakes in the morning etc.

Fukuzawa tends to work late hours so he's often awake late in the night. He enjoys when you keep him company on your sleepless nights, and will give you a blanket if you end up falling asleep in his bed or on the couch

He's also super neat and never touches your stuff without asking <3

He knocks on your bedroom door and the bathroom door every single time, just in case, and he never enters unless you give him the heads up

His own door is never locked in case you need him too. Or in case there's a break-in. Good luck to that person fr

taglist~ ♡ @gettinshiggywithit, @fyodorhatr, @flower-of-darkness, @bejeweledgirl, @kokoenjiandco, @pinkiipeachiikeen, @call-me-albie, @sayyestoheaven00

[shineon3]

I have no control impulse. Inspired by this masterpiece from the lovely @blamemma (also hello @summer04rayne @jisblooming <3)

Or how I ended up writing a streamer!Max AU

° ° °

“What's got you smiling like that, mate?”

Max blinks, zoning back into the conversation.

“What?”

Alex, his best friend, the traitor, chuckles at his confusion, and when he looks at his screen, the chat is doing so too. Max flushes, quickly locking his phone before focusing back on the stream. Alex is grinning widely at him on the screen. Ugh, what a pain.

“Tell us, Maxy, come on, what got you giggling like a schoolgirl with a crush, eh?”

That fucker! Alex laughs knowingly, and the chat goes wild as usual when they get to tease him, and Max knows he'll have to answer now. He clears his throat, trying to sound as unruffled as possible.

“I just- found a really cool looking Instagram page, that's all…”

The Thai's grin somehow widens even more, almost shark-like, and Max just dug his own grave, didn't he?

“Yeah? Wouldn't it happen to be a certain travel vlogger's page, perchance, Maxy?”

The blonde feels heat rising in his face, and he doesn’t need to look into the screen to know that he's blushing furiously. It's probably spreading to his neck too, god. Max hides his face in his hands, embarrassment making his skin crawl. Him and his big mouth and his lack of self-control when it comes to a certain curly haired brunette.

“That's- it's not- ugh!”

He stumbles over his words, and he hears Alex laugh harder in his headset. He knows it's good natured, though, and that's the only thing keeping him from just ending the call.

“Tell them more about Daniel, Max! Look how excited they are, you can't deny them that, come on!”

Max shakes his head, drinks a sip of his Red Bull to try and regain his composure. Alex got the chat involved now, and that means he can’t just brush it off. Well, he could, and honestly, apart from some trolls here and there, his little community is really nice and understanding, and they know not to push on things if Max doesn't want to elaborate. But… this is kind of harmless, he guesses, so he can play their game a bit.

The blonde sighs, glancing at the chat, and yeah, they're going wild. Thanks, Alex

“I don't even know why I'm friends with you, at this point.”

“Don't say that! I know you love my pretty face and my humor.”

° ° °

Half an hour later, Max wraps up the stream, a faint blush lingering on his cheeks after all that had happened during what Alex had described as “gushing over Daniel for more than ten minutes”.

He gets up, tidying his desk, throwing away the empty Red Bull cans and water bottles, as well as any wrapper he could find. Finally, he leaves his streaming room, shutting off all the lights and closing the door.

There's no sounds in the small apartment, which probably means his roommate is already asleep. It's like, 3am, so, fair. Max gets ready for bed before slipping under the covers, practically melting on the soft mattress. Just as he reaches for his phone to plug it to charge, he sees it.

Daniel Ricciardo uploaded a new video

He clicks on it with neck breaking speed, a beginning of shame curling in his gut when he sees it was posted barely thirty seconds ago. He likes it, saves it in a playlist for good measure, and lets Daniel's australian accent drown his self-loathing and lull him to sleep.

[femmmie]

Review of Smosh's Funeral Roast

I am harsh at times, but know it all comes from a place of love!

Spoilers under the cut

I live in Europe. This is relevant because of timezones: the funeral roast of Anthony Padilla was live at 6pm for them, meaning 3am for me. I am not the youthful insomniac I once was so I had to train my sleep schedule the entire week - otherwise I would miss it because I fell asleep. But I wanted to witness this live. I love smosh.

The trailer for this roast deserves an award: Ian and the cast have a movie night as suddenly the light turns blue and everyone but Ian freezes. He seems to know what's going on and discovers a zombie or ghost like Anthony levitating. The cast of the roast are all introduced and all play a gothic, churchy kind of character. See the full trailer here (it's currently at 666k views, how fun):

Around 1am I got impatient and decided not to wait for my alarm clock but to install myself on the couch, with a blanket and a scarf, and a hot cup of tea, god knows I would need it. I watched episodes of the Scott Pilgrim Netflix series to kill the time. The character Todd Ingram reminded me a lot of Anthony and I wonder whether Anthony has 'vegan superpowers' as well. Probably so.

Finally, the pre-show begins. This is pretty uneventful as they play a game and succesfully convince thousands of viewers to buy their tickets to the main show. I look at them. Everyone is gorgeous. But I can't look away from Ian and Anthony. And here is where I stray from actually reviewing the show to let my inner fangirl out: holy fuck they are hot. Me and my friends on tumblr have been making 'forgive me Father, for I have SINNED' jokes because his character, 'the pastor', just brings that out in people. We're not used to Ian in black, or in a robe, and he looks phenomenal. And then there is Anthony, clothed in a ridiculous Harry Styles-esque lace top with lace gloves, resting his head on Ian's shoulder. It's such a cute moment, Ian pushes him upright. He can be alive for a second before his funeral. My heart melts. Honerable mention: Courtney's bikini girl cleavage right behind Ian. The girls were ready to rock. Okay, okay, back to the review.

The room feels kind of small and a bit claustrophobic. The Smosh art dept. always steps up, so the stained glass "friendship never dies" high-five looks incredible, and the megachad-Anthony portrait hilarious. The casket is huge. But the props make the set look even smaller. I think the problem is the cameras. I realize how difficult camerawork is when you have multiple focus points to switch between, but next time they should do a lot of practice with this to streamline, to get everyone in the shot and better capture people's reactions to the roasts.

Ian walks in. He starts off with a bit about who Anthony is: a hot, hardworking guy with a big dick. Those are the main takeaways of his roasts.

Amanda is next. She looks beautiful but very wacky. Her deliverance and accent are stellar, though. She truly is top talent at Smosh. Her roasts are also some of the most scorching of the night. She doesn't shy away from calling out Anthony's past problematic behavior and less than stellar performance in the bedroom ("look it up!") She gets a round of applause and deservedly so.

Tommy follows with a kind of angry roast, and proceeds to read the will, from which nobody comes away unscathed. I feels like his words about Anthony supposedly hating the cast are a necessary evil. Just the same day Anthony posted his interview with Shayne on his personal channel. There we learned that Shayne didn't know before if Ian and Anthony actually had wanted to hire them. Anthony said they were very much involved, something I don't know whether to believe. As apparently, Ian never talked about it with Shayne either, for all those years. Shayne had also been very apprehensive when Anthony came back, not knowing what would happen and the first change was to boot the entire cast off the main channel. I feel like Tommy's roast puts the topic on the table and hopefully they will talk about it more until nobody has any doubt left.

Now I have to insert that one of my main critiques of the night is that lots of people both did a lot of obvious jokes (tattoos, leaving smosh, general appearance) and did not go hard enough. Anthony kind of has an awkward CEO vibe (he's not the ceo but still) about him that seems to make even the cast a bit wary of him. I had hoped for jokes about that.

Brandon Rogers is next and rightfully points out the lack of celebrities in the line-up. Doesn't Anthony have more friends who want to roast him? Either he doesn't or the rest of Smosh don't have access to them. Which is both fine, because it is a Smosh party after all.

Arasha comes in swinging with all kinds of Zoomer slang that I frankly don't understand but her deadpan delivery is like a breath of fresh air. She ends with a very nice message. That kind of undercuts her roasts though, I wish she would have been meaner.

Now it is time for the musical half-time show, which actually deserves its own review. Performed by Angela and Chanse, this is incredible. By far, the most professional part of the evening. These are no theater kids, as they still call themselves. These are Broadway acTORS! I was really taken away by their talent. Not only do they act, but they also sing amazingly? Did you hear Angela do screamo?! And Chanse's riffs? They pointedly mention the sexual tension between Ian and Anthony, both on- and off screen. This has been occupying my mind ever since. Wow, sorry I went fangirl-mode again. But the halftime show simply is that good. Keith makes an appearance at the end and brings the show back down to earth with his humor.

The biggest surprise guests are next in what I can only describe as Dan telling the horny tale of his years long obsession with Anthony, and the many, many times he unloaded on the 'sexy Anthony' calender (which is a real calender, I was there when it came out but was broke at the time, darnit). Dan and Phil have been shedding their PG personas on their own channels for a while now, but for those who don't watch them daily this December - they're doing gamingmas and it's chaos - it is shocking what X-rated stuff comes out of their mouths. Anthony is visibly taken aback. Good!

As the show progresses, Ian keeps moderating as the pastor. It is great to see him so in control and enjoying the roast of his best friend. The joke of Ian not being able to show his emotions comes up a lot, but today I see him mainly just having fun.

Of course, then there is Bikini Girl, whom I had high hopes for, maybe too high. She is hilarious, but nothing really stings. Courtney does also direct the whole show, so super kudos to her. I just don't think she has the best roasts. She is followed by Rhett and Link, who just do their regular thing. It is funny but not very original. You can only hear so many tattoo jokes before it gets old. We do see Link's bare torso, so a win for fangirls (gender neutral).

Then Shayne, or should I say the Chosen has his turn. He is absolutely in character and does great. I just don't know if the Chosen is the best person to deliver roasts. It feels more like a Shayne party than a roast of Anthony. Which enough people love all the same, I'm sure.

Angela is 'the vessel', a possessed girl, reading the roasts from the audience. These roasts are very mid (they should have included mine! /j), but her delivery is again stellar. Smosh is really lucky to have her.

And last but not least, Ian goes on a second roasting spree. Only, it isn't a roast? He just makes fun of Anthony’s baby picture and then proceeds to tell Anthony how grateful he is for him, how he's so glad they are friends again and that he loves him? Anthony is crying by this time, which makes the moment even more tender.

Of course, Anthony has to do a counter-roast. It is apparent that he is still affected by all the roasting or 'love-bombing' as Amanda calls it. And he's not as good at live comedy yet. Still, his jokes are funny and really in Anthony's own style. He concludes with Ian's quote of being happy to burn Smosh to the ground with him. I knew that quote would be ingrained in Anthony's mind. It was one of the sweetest things Ian had ever said to him, after all. Until Ian has now told him he loves him, of course.

And then it was 5 am. I got a healthy two hours of sleep in! I came away from this roast with a content smile and a full heart. This was well worth the ticket, the staying up late. I am happy to be a member and support them monthly, I've loved their humor even before they started their youtube channel. I love Smosh. I'm so happy that Anthony is back. Smosh is whole again. And it brings out that light in Ian's eyes. He is funny in an unhinged way again. I truly love Anthony and Ian and their dumb videos. I want them to continue to make them forever. These kinds of live shows are fun. But Ian and Anthony truly shine in their off the walls absurdist sketches.

Special shout-out to my bestie @only-frann who I could scream at this whole day.

[wannaeatramyeon]

Sharing a hotel room with taehun? Lol what would be his reaction pfft

Haha! I did think about putting Taehoon in with the lookism boys but... didn't. Here's my SFW thoughts!

HTF x Reader: Sharing a love hotel room hc

(SFW - Taehoon, Yeonwoo, Museong, Seongjun, Jinho)

Seong Taehoon

Honestly this scenario with Taehoon probably isn't as fun as you think

If he has zero interest in you, he'll enter the room, look around, then walk straight back out. He'd rather find a 24hr/overnight arcade to hang out in

If he likes you, then it'll be a bit more exciting

Surprisingly protective over his beauty sleep

A good night sleep is important for peak Taekwondo performance

So if you keep him up then it best be for something good

He has his night routine that he follows religiously though. He's just so... limber

It makes you think about all kinds of positions and you can't stop staring at his hips

You: Taehoon?? What you doing??

Taehoon: Stretching

You: Why?

Taehoon: To stay flexible

You: [staring in awe] Before bed?!

Taehoon: Want a closer look, pervert?

Ji Yeonwoo, Kim Munseong

These guys are gentlemen through and through

Would offer to take the floor (which is likely covered in questionable stains)

So of course you couldn't let them do that

You'll share a bed, and they would offer to put pillows/blankets etc. in the middle to spare you your modesty

Unlike the Lookism boys, once they're asleep then they're zonked out lol

Divider or not, they'll make their way over to you in the night

In the morning you'll wake up wrapped in their arms (altho Yeonwoo enjoys being the little spoon)

Baek Seongjun

This guy makes my heart hurt

Will try to put you at ease with the situation

Super respectful, and will let you generally set the vibe or he'll try to read the room

Light teasing but if you're comfortable then he would stop

Big cuddler, if you didn't want to do anything then he would offer for you to lie in his arms and you can just watch some NewTube vids together or something

The kind of guy that you would stay up til 3am talking to. It won't be about his past, but you'll find out all sorts about him, and Seongjun about you that he would take to heart

But if you hate the whole vibe? You don't even need to stay in the room if you don't want. He'll go for a walk to ease your mind, find a 24hr cafe, market, sauna. Anything for you

Lee Jinho

Because some posts got me thinking about Jinho

If you ended up alone with this guy?

Tbh, he would probably treat you like you're not really there - a bit of a nuisance but he can ultimately put up with you for 1 night

But what's the point of getting a love hotel if you don't put it to good use?

This would be the perfect night to explore all sorts of kinks

And he means ALL

[stupendousfoxthing]

“Haaang on. So... "Jimin didn't say he didn't see him" is fine here but we can't say the same about JK seeing Tae on birthdays? I BEG them to get a speck of logic that applies across the board.”

Reply from @peachjagiya

See why I say there is a serious lack of reading comprehension?

Jungkook in 2019:

“We may all be in the same group but on all our days off I only saw Jimin hyung and Hobi hyung”

(Jungkook’s birthday was during the same break he said he didn’t see anyone except Hobi and Jimin)

Jimin in 2020:

“It was around 4am when I heard the news, I was with Jungkook…..”

Jimin later that day during a Live:

“I’m the one who told Jungkook about the news” (because they were together when they heard of their song getting a #1 on BB Hot 100)

V on the same day during the Live:

“I spoke with Jimin on the phone and I asked him to come sleep by my side but he was too lazy to come to my place”

Jungkook in 2022:

Jin: “Did V come?” (2x)

Jk: No he didn’t come (2x)

What other logic are we supposed to be applying here? Wasn’t Jungkook clear enough when he explicitly said during the break he ONLY saw Jimin and Jhope? Wasn’t he clear enough when he said TWICE that V didn’t come greet him in 2022 and he was Live till past midnight on his birthday then. Wasn’t Jimin clear when he said that Jk was with him at 4am on his birthday? Didn’t V make it clear that he wanted Jimin to come sleep by his side? What am I missing?

I can say Jimin didn’t say he didn’t see Jungkook on his birthday because he really didn’t say that but you can’t say the same about taekook because Jungkook very clearly said he didn’t, all these times. That is the difference. In one of these cases, you are concluding that Jimin didn’t see him even though Jimin literally never said he didn’t while in the other case you are trying to say that we don’t know if they saw eo or not even though we know because both times Jk explicitly said he didn’t unless you are trying to imply that Jk lied all these times. Is that it?

I don’t want it to seem like I am only talking about birthdays so let’s talk about other days.

Chuseok 2017:

All the members go home for chuseok

Jin: “Jungkook was the only one who stayed back to work on music. He was home alone”

Jimin: Hyung, I was home with Jungkook”

New year 2018:

Interview: what did you do on New years Holiday?

Jungkook: “I didn’t really do anything special, just stayed in the workroom. Ah, I also went bowling with Jimin and we had some really good food. We did some karaoke too.”

Valentines 2018:

14th February 2018:

Jimin seen at the airport back from Japan after a schedule with Hobi.

15th February 2018:

Jk, Jimin and Ha Sungwoon seen together on the street and also left autographs at an escape room they went to on the same day.

Winter 2018:

Jimin who loves the snow talks about not being able to see the first snow of the season and feels bad about it. Few days later Jimin and Jungkook post a video on twitter watching their first snow of the season together. (We know what watching the first snow together means in korean culture. Don’t have to believe me, just google it)

Chuseok 2020:

Jikook together, post video of themselves together from Jimin’s apartment around 3am

White day 2022:

Jimin, Jungkook and friends spotted at a restaurant (Jk was at Jimin’s place the night before, after they finished the final day of Seoul PTD concert)

White day 2023:

Jimin in the US promoting his album, Jungkook in Korea, V in Korea. Jungkook goes Live for almost 5 hours all alone from his apartment.

So it’s not only birthdays that taekook don’t spend together but couple days and other holidays too. I wonder why they only seem to be able to hang out on the most ordinary days but choose to hang out on these significant days with different people or alone?

Y'all. 💀

In one of these cases, you are concluding that Jimin didn’t see him even though Jimin literally never said he didn’t while in the other case you are trying to say that we don’t know if they saw eo or not even though we know because both times Jk explicitly said he didn’t unless you are trying to imply that Jk lied all these times. Is that it?

I'm saying we don't know and also I don't care. 😂 If you want to hyperfocus on a handful of cherry-picked days that you think are super important and think that's enough to prove two people are or are not dating go for it.

[thatfreshi]

A Post-party Interlude (Uni AU P. 19.5)

Hello everyone! Here is an interlude to catch up with our characters after the fated Halloween party, divided by hours of the night.

TW - mentions of self-harm, mentions of grooming, mentions of drug abuse, mentions of alcohol, extensive talk about sexual trauma in the 5AM section

-1 AM, the RU Rooftop, Gale and Shadowheart-

"You want a hit Gale?"

"No, not now."

...

"I'm sorry I dragged you out there like that. You can't just say that kind of stuff about people. Especially not about me."

"That's hardly fair, considering how you've been about Mystra."

"Two entirely different situations."

"Shadow, you're hurting yourself."

"So are you."

...

"I just don't get why you can't be happy for me."

"Because, she doesn't love you. Not like your friends do, not like your mother does, not like I do. I've been your best friend for how long Gale, how long? And you don't trust me on this?"

"But you clearly don't trust me either."

"It's different! Things at the church are very-"

"Very what? Private? Painful? You've been different ever since you stepped foot in that place, and I just stayed quiet. I just never thought it would go this far."

"It's a religious reminder Gale-"

"Bullshit, it's a way for her to control you all."

"And Mystra isn't controlling you?! How you're always on the phone with her at her beck and call? You're no better than me, so don't get on your high horse as if you can judge me. School is hard, studying medicine is hard, I need something."

...

"I can't watch you hurt yourself."

"Then don't. Maybe someone else will get it, but you don't have to. Go cry to your girlfriend about it."

-2AM, Lae, Shadow, and Tav's Dorm, Lae'zel-

(This conversation has been translated from Lae'zel's native language.)

"Yes?"

"You haven't called in a while. You're supposed to call."

"Yes, I know. I've been-"

"Training, right?"

"Of course, what else would I be doing?"

"Really? Because a little birdy told me you've been slacking. You think those 'injuries' are really that serious, don't you? You think you're allowed to make the K'liir family look like this?! We're warriors! You're, a warrior!"

"Of course. I will not disappoint Grandmother. I shall be healed soon."

"Perhaps it should be 'Vlaakith' to you for now, until you can earn the right to call me kin again, if you ever earn it again."

"Yes Vlaakith, I'll call you back soon."

-3AM, Karlach's Dorm, Karlach-

"I know Coach won't stop bothering me about it, but should I really do it? It's tricky I guess, seems more like she's threatening me than anything. Purposefully injuring people in my matches isn't enough for her I suppose. Steroids though? What even are the side effects of that?

...

Aggression, stomach pains, sleep problems... is that really so bad? I have those sometimes. Everyone has a good ol' bout of insomnia from time to time... right?

...

If I don't though, and she kicks me off the team... I can't get kicked off the team, I would lose all my funding, my friends, Shadow... I'm sure it'll be fine, right?

...

Where did she even find these? Are they safe? I mean, she wouldn't want to kill her best wrestler, right? This is to enhance my performance not, uh, de-hance it. So, I guess I just go for it? Maybe one to start, it's not like there directions on this thing right? Nope, thought so.

...

No turning back now I guess. Tell Coach, secure my place here, get to stay with my favorite people in the world... it'll all be perfect.

...

Right?"

-4AM, Wyll's Bedroom, Wyll-

"Deal Wyll Ravenguard, I'm Professor Mizora, although I'm sure you know me more as an administrator. I've seen your work around campus and would love to offer you the opportunity to do more good, especially since your father doesn't get many things moving around this school. Please reach out if you're interested, in haste if you can. I look forward to hearing from you. Best Regards, Professor Mizora.

...

Huh, odd. I've never heard of her before. You think my father would've mentioned her at some point. Then again, he doesn't talk much to me anymore, so I guess not. I cannot believe Astarion said that to me at the party. I mean, he wasn't wrong, but still, how impolite.

...

Maybe I need to hear it though. That perhaps what my father and I had... it's beyond repair. This Mizora character though, she seems to know about how he is now, and she clearly knows about me.

...

Dear Professor Mizora..."

-5AM, Astarion's Dorm, Tav and Astarion-

You wake up to pacing around the wooden floors, trying to turn in a bundle of blankets and sheets that have been strewn about. You sit up and try to wipe at your eyes, only crusted over from a few hours of sleep.

"Aster?"

Your voice comes out a little torn up from laughter and words shared hours prior. You certainly spoke for a long time, and not all of it you can remember. It is him pacing, as you could only assume in your half-asleep state.

"Hm? Oh, I didn't mean to wake you darling. You can go back to sleep."

"Are you alright?"

He pauses, stopping his eyes from darting around for your question.

"Why do you ask?"

"Because, if your pacing woke me up, then it's probably not just for fun."

"No dear, I was simply cleaning a little. I woke up, I figured I'd do something useful with the time."

"Don't start this out this way."

Your sentence comes out more strained that you would've liked, but it's true: you don't want to start things with him with secrets.

"You didn't lie to me before, don't lie to me now."

You pat his side of the bed, beckoning for him to come sit. He follows reluctantly.

"Well?"

"Well, what?"

You furrow your brow and pick up a nearby pillow, threatening to start a fluffy fight.

"You know what! C'mon, talk to me."

He sighs, and you put down your weapon.

"Fine, if you insist on being open and honest or whatever... I got a little more drunk at that party than I wanted to admit, especially after I told you I can handle my liquor and all-"

"Out with it Astarion."

"Hey, don't you full name me."

You try not to smile at his banter, but it feels nearly impossible.

"I'm serious, out with it."

He runs his hands through his hair.

"We didn't... we didn't do more than kiss, did we? Ugh, that sounds ridiculous, I sound ridiculous!"

He gets up to anxiously move around again, and you get up to go after him.

"Hey, hey, no, that's not ridiculous! That's not ridiculous at all."

Astarion turns to face you.

"Why do you think that's ridiculous?"

Your question sounds meek, sad.

"You know... I mean I've slept with plenty of people, and I don't really talk about it with you because I didn't want you to see me that way, but I know other people have probably told you, and I know what happened when we met and I-"

You lightly grab his hands.

"Hey, as if I'd listen to other people. The only facts I've ever taken about you, are from you, okay? And sure, I've heard things, but it doesn't matter. And no, we didn't do anything else, and I wouldn't have done anything without your clear consent to do so, I hope you know that."

You gently pull him to sit back down with you on the edge of the bed.

"It just... it wasn't really up to me before. It was a survival tactic, you know? For money, because Szarr told me to... And that night? I only did it because I was scared you'd go off and tell someone the wrong thing at the wrong time, that it would only end up worse for me, and so I did what I always do. I did what I've always been taught to do."

"And you didn't want to do that this time..."

He seems embarrassed, as if he's trying to close up away from you.

"I don't think I've ever really had a healthy relationship with that kind of thing? And I just got really- really scared that I did what I've always done, that I did something I wasn't ready for. That just feels so stupid though."

"Why? Why does not wanting to sleep with me have to be stupid and ridiculous?"

"Because! Because you could go hook up with anyone you want. Everyone at this age, we're all doing it all the time. I'd be the weird one, right? I'd be the weird one, and you'd run off to someone else who actually wants to do something with you and then I would've ruined this before we even started it."

You pause, trying to find words.

"And this is why I didn't want to say anything."

"But if you didn't say anything-"

"Yeah. Yeah, if I didn't say anything, I suppose..."

He starts to choke on the sadness a little, that overwhelming feeling he's been trying to keep bottled up for hours.

"Astarion, look at me."

He does, with a look in his eyes as if he's been punished.

"I would never want you to do something you don't want to do, ever."

"But-"

"Nope, there's nothing else. You just never have to do anything you don't want to, ever again, unless it's like homework, or I don't know... not murder someone? Starting now, your body is entirely yours again, as it always should have been. Okay?"

He wraps his arms around you.

"Okay."

A mumble into your tattered adventurer's shirt from the night before.

"To be very clear though, I still want to kiss you, often."

You laugh as he leaves a kiss on your cheek, still crying some, your face matching.

"Of course."

You go on to talk for a while that evening, about boundaries, about various little things, even about how apparently one time he dyed his hair in middle school. Somehow, you get him to show you a picture. It's one of those nights, or rather, mornings, you know? One of those mornings where you laugh a lot, and then go back to crying, and you share that one traumatic story you thought you'd never remember. He tells you a lot that evening, good and bad, and you share a lot of tears. They're good tears though, tears that mean something. That morning, the good and the bad, it all means something.

[zonkutonshorrifyingpeenie]

20 Questions For Fic Writers

tagged in by the lovely @borealopelta thanks bb! <3 <3

How many works do you have on AO3?

9

What's your total AO3 word count?

23,958

What fandoms do you write for?

i've primarily written for powerwolf with my extremely-specific-furry-au, but I've also written for AFK arena, fnaf, and there's a couple bakugan ones that I want to try and get back to working on as well, or indeed, working on writing in general ;A;

Top five fics by kudos?

Light's On - fnaf sb - 81 kudos

Reunions Sacrifice - afk arena - 60 kudos

A Were's First - powerwolf - 25 kudos

It's 3am... - powerwolf - 16 kudos

Charles' Nightmare - powerwolf - 11 kudos

Do you respond to comments?

If I actively remember to, yes.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Definitely A Were's Last, which was almost exclusively written to induce tears in... two people at most lol

sometimes you just gotta write non-canon no-point angst shit ya feel?

What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Honestly, I haven't written many if any explictly happy fic endings, they seem to lean more melancholic most of the time which definitely doesn't say anything about my mental state what are you talking about

but, Sleeping On Your Alpha Can Be Something That's Very Personal, Actually and It's 3am... would probably count as at least my least sad fic ends

Do you get hate on fics?

Thankfully no. but some of my fic-connected posting has certainly garnered some strangely passionate responses.

Do you write smut?

Yep

Craziest crossover?

None of my fics are crossovers

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge, and if they're desperate enough to steal from me, I think I'd feel sorry for them

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not explictly, no. The closest I've gotten to anything like co-writing has been like... a couple of discord fic-lore convos that turned into semi-writings and also all that rp shit i did over a decade ago.

All time favorite ship

I don't exactly have a metric for rating any of my ships above the other, they all grab me by the throat in differing ways

though, by genre at least, i do gravitate towards gay old men, so, take that as you will

What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Buddy I could just list my entire writing folder here and I doubt I would actually be exaggerating T-T

The mental illness has gripped me far too hard the last few years...

But, there's always hope, right?

What are your writing strengths?

environment descriptions and turn-of-phrase, I suppose. I like to think I'm fairly ok at getting a general vibe across in the... 12 paragraphs before i get to even a speck of dialogue lol

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

My monolingual ass could never. I'd be too afraid of fucking it up

First fandom you wrote in?

the first thing i remember writing for was fuckn like... an mmo game. i think it was the Sacred one when that was around... i think??

but that was purely written in random linebook when i was a child and didn't understand the concept of fanfiction yet

the first thing i POSTED anywhere was probably bakugan or homestuck. I genuinely can't recall exact order, but I do know for certain fact that I worked on this one bakugan fic for far FAR too long during highschool recess and lunch breaks

Favorite fic you've written?

In terms of published, definitely AWF, my beloved domestic furry au that is definitely not semi-dead-in-the-water-it's-fine ignore my tears

unpublished, there's certainly a few that I'm having a very pleasant and fun time with writing, even if the going is very slow.

If you were forced to write only one genre for the rest of your life (like James Patterson lol) what would you want it to be?

Probably Fantasy or Mythology, lot of wiggle-room within that, and I tend to lean more fantastical in my worlds and such anyhow.

I'm gonna tag in @deerfests I reckon! And open-invite ofr anyone else that wants to hop in as well!

[fleurcareil]

East Quebec: Côte Nord

Due to the 24-hour boat delay from Blanc-Sablon, I end up doing a beautiful hike along the Pioneer Footpath, a coastal trail between the villages, by walking around 4k from L'Anse au Clair towards Forteau and then back again (one-way between the villages is 15k which is too much for me). The sun ☀️ was finally shining so the cliffs, sea and icebergs 😍 looked even more magnificent! The iceberg that I had taken a picture of the day before (see previous post) had been shattered though into pieces, presumably because of the higher solar radiance. It shows how quickly nature can change!

In the afternoon, I dropped off my car at the ferry terminal so that I didn't need to be there at 3am to get the car loaded into the container, and instead could show up at 6.30 - a much more reasonable time! 🙃 I got a lift back to the hotel from two Welsh friends who recommended a cute café for dinner, so ended up having great conversations with them over tomato soup & a glass of wine 😃.

Next morning, we can finally walk onto the Bella, the Relais Nordik cargo ship that also functions as a cruise for tourists who want to see the villages that it stops at. I can't see my own car, but presume it's stacked somewhere in the containers! 🤞 There was as usual fog to start with, so we were treated on a slide presentation on the underwater life of the Fleuve Saint Laurent (we have here the 2nd largest shark in the world - the basking shark which only eats plankton), until a pod of 10 humpback whales was spotted so everyone rushed out to watch them. It wasn't very warm to sit outside for a long time, but the lounge area had big windows to spot icebergs, birds & two porpoises. 😊

In the afternoon, there was a brief stop at the village of La Tabatière, where, fully covered to defeat the black flies, I had a pretty view of the coastline. Thereafter, there was another presentation on local flora, including a tasting of labrador tea and local jams. And in the evening, I joined the Welsh for an elaborate lobster dinner... not too shabby this boat crossing! 😊

Although the chair in which I was huddled in my sleeping bag was very comfortable, I didn't sleep much, and when at 4:30am a new group of people boarded over a magnificent sunrise that was the end of it... after a refreshing shower and with a calm sea, it was however not a chore 😉 to sit for a few more hours in the lounge taking in the scenery until the boat would arrive at Kegashka, where the road starts again.

The offloading of cars, trailers, ATVs, kayaks, lawnmowers etc etc took ages so I waited 2 hours to finally see my car being craned down, but the time was spent chatting with the other passengers... it's funny that even after only a day it seems like the entire boat knows each other and people take selfies, exchange numbers and hug; Quebecois are very friendly!

This is the eastern terminus of route 138 which starts in Quebec City over a 1,000km away and which I'll need to drive in its entirety, so I better get going!😜 It was hot & humid though and I had trouble focusing on the (first 40k unpaved) road, so ended up laying down in the car for a bit at a pretty rest stop to recover some energy. In the evening, I walked along the promenade at Havre-Saint-Pierre, watching seals, terns and harbour porpoises go after their food (it was so quiet I could hear the porpoises breaching) until I got hungry myself and had a delicious fish dinner overlooking the sea... when I saw the Bella arrive... Walking back to the hotel I ran into the Welsh couple again, a small world!

Next morning, I'm up & ready at 7:45 with a cup of tea and lots of warm clothes for a 6-hour boat excursion to the eastern islands of the Mingan Archipelo national park. The islands are known for their rock monoliths that border their shores, and the first one, Île du Fantôme, didn't disappoint! The interpreter explained how they're formed and gave names to the various formations (like "the Sphynx" or "horse drinking water") but that often needed a healthy dose of imagination. 😉

The second island, Île Niapiskau, has a few impressive, larger monoliths that stand stark on the shore but also has some inland in between the trees, indicating that the sea level (responsible for the tidal erosion) used to be much higher when the land had not rebounded yet from the glacial retreat.

We stayed 2 hours on the final island, Île Quarry, where I walked via a detour along the coast to the monoliths rather than cutting directly through to the other side. The sun had come through and suddenly it was warm again! Beautiful cliffs & rock formations, the smell & sound of the sea... what else is there to say? 😊

This was a great trip and I recommend anyone to make the trek sometime to this remote part of the country (PS I believe all tours are in French so having a basic understanding is essential)!

Once back on shore, I made my way to Longue-Pointe-de-Mingan half an hour west, which acts as the base for exploring the western islands. Enroute, I visit the Maison de la Culture Innu, which has high-quality, interactive exhibits about the Innu who inhabited these lands first. I learned that they have actually a strained relationship with Parks Canada who manages the islands, as they're now no longer allowed to go there to hunt ducks and seals or collect eggs & berries, something they've done for centuries... as an Innu woman put it; "we're suddenly tourists in our own home". It shows how important (and difficult) it is to try to understand all sides of a story.

Having checked into the motel, I realized the village is even tinier than I thought; the one restaurant was closed (Havre-Saint-Pierre had 2 restaurants that were both open), but luckily the gas bar which ran out of gas 😂, did also have a grocery store so I got a Ceasar salad, chicken & cheese to eat on my room while the laundry was running.

I ran out of my picture allowance for this post, too much pretty nature to show 😎, so will continue in the next one.

Icebergs: 5 (on the boat)

Wildlife: 10 humpback whales, 2 harbour porpoises (on the boat), 6 seals (1 grey), 3 porpoises, 6 terns & 2 loons (at Havre-Saint-Pierre), 2 harbour seals, 1 grey seal, 1 porpoise (at the east Mingan archipelo)

SUPs: none

Hikes: one at L'Anse au Clair, one at La Tabatière, one at Île Quarry

[black-infertility-life]

The Wait (part 1)

Hello my beautiful people. Here's what happened.

8/15- a bit more cramping today vs. Transfer day. Decided NOT to take Tylenol today. Tried to relax my way through the pain. Made a post in one of my groups and most of the people were supportive. PIO shot has been horrible.

8/16 - woke up at around 2/3am nausea all morning with some cramping finally left a message with clinic . Talked with our coordinator. She said it can happen sometimes and that it could also be the medicine so try and eat a little something and drinks lots of fluids. Ate some saltines while I waited to get a 2nd call back about the medicine. They helped. Got confirmation that I could take the medicine, so I took 10ml (recommend dosage 15-30ml). This whole coach potato thing is not for me.. Not at all.

PIO shot has been horrible.

8/17- woke up about 230am with nausea. Tried to eat a saltine and started gagging. Took some medicine 10ml. This has sorta worked 😑 Ended up trying to eat tiny pieces of bread (no crust as sometimes I like crust and sometimes I don't) it worked for about 20mins and now the nausea is coming back. 😑 Eventually it subsided and I was able to go back to sleep. I did wake up slightly nauseous but it went away. I started back at work today and on the way there and back I got nauseous in the car which had never happened before (unless I'm already sick). I tried eating fries on the way home but it didn't help. I tried to take more medicine when I got home​, but it just made me gag more. PIO shot wasn't too bad. My butt is starting to hurt and my stomach is definitely getting marks.

8/18- woke up at about 340/4am to pee. Have been slightly nauseous but not as bad as it's been. I was supposed to work today for a makeup but I called it off. Even though we need the money, I just can't right now.

8/19- woke up around 240 as I need to use the bathroom. Started feeling nauseated with some stomach acid issues around 320. I tried to tough it out and eventually ate some bread which eventually helped and I was able to fall back sleep.

.... Ugh todays been a mess. I've been gagging and nauseous off and on all day. We went out to eat and that was good but hard as all the smells made me more nauseous. After hubby gave me the PIO shot there was a bit a blood and I got really dizzy.

+++++ first full day back at work

I got nauseous on the way to and from the first part of work. I got some Sonic as we hadn't had it in a while and I was craving it. The 2nd part on the way there and home I was fine. I forgot to bring my Pro Cap with me as I forgot that I needed to stay an extra 30mins. So I took it 30mins late.

Went on a short walk with the puppers and hubby and always nauseous and gagging the whole time.

8/20- been awake for a while and started to get nauseous after being awake for about 30 minutes.

+++ got nauseous on the car ride to and from work and have continued being nauseous while at work. The PIO didn't really hurt as much but the Love stung.

+++ I had a BM before bed so maybe that will help things as I hadn't had one in a few days. We'll see what tomorrow brings.

This stage is multifold. Theres the multiple different meds from oral, to vaginal, to shots. You have to take them at specific times and especially in the case of the shots they can be okay or hurt so bad you want to cry.

Then there are the symptoms. That's a roller coaster in it's self. It's so hard because the symptoms give me hope while at the same time I know it could just be the medicine as the medicine is straight up hormones.

And theres the waiting. This whole infertility business has taught me that I don't have as much patience as I thought I did. The closer it gets to beta, the stronger the urge to test early. I've looked at a variety of different post to see how other people have handled things. Within the group that tested at home early: some got the answer they wanted while other didn't. Some said that it added stress as the beta test results were different. I've also been checking my underwear to make sure I don't have period blood. I've also been struggling with hope. Throughout my life I've tried to be a hopeful but worrier of a person and I have learned through pain to not be too hopeful. This process though, it kicks that hopefulness into high gear and makes it often devastating to not have that hope bear fruit.

This is getting long so I'm going to create a part 2 for Wednesday-Sunday.

ttfn

Love yourself and take care

[hard-core-super-star]

hwjskksksdhwj well, at least after that I went straight to sleep, I just wanted to answer you so.... I'm starting to think that too lmao, let me do a test. the time I sent you this was 11am or something close to that? I was going to say something like this only happened once, but since we started talking you're always right 😭 stop always being right, I beg you. in this case: anon, rubix is ​​actually gatekeeping because what she's doing is working, so you can forget your tutorial, sorry.

I'm already that predictable to you? 😔 stop kahsjakka I don't believe someone can literally be right all the time. okay you already got your second star too, now we both have two stars, happy now? and did you really go see the amazing spider-man? yep, I think we can this time, but I still don't know if it would really be narcissism.... noooo come back kahekwkaksk I was actually trying to make a joke like that but what came out was “pure madness” lmao, the joke was good, you're fine!!

what??? I gave you a star, even though you didn't know it in this message yet, but I did!!! when it comes to compliments I....? I think we agreed to finish the sentences now. lmao, it sounds like a good plan, but now I wonder what those more obvious things you would tell me would be. I don’t know if I should agree with the fact that I noticed that you’re not discreet and then you say “excuse me!!?!?!???” again hdjajswkwk. WAIT why are you calling me out now???? I'm going to finish the sentences!

since you're the one saying it, I'll take it as a compliment. well, I'm not assuming you're going to talk about these thoughts now and I'm not excited to see what you have in store. I wasn't thinking that maybe you could drop your @ on tktk because that way we could talk about alpha!kate and I could ask questions and you could answer without leaving possible spoilers here...

I don't think I'm going to run out space because if you really send two per message- I mean, so far I've only gotten the obvious ones, which were written on my face. but I appreciate your faith in me 😶

I feel you! I automatically start to panic with: tough, though, thought, through, thorough and throughout LIKE WTF????? 😭😭 kdhjsakk it's funny to see a writer saying she hates grammar. why a 15th birthday party being something so big and different from others is still a mystery to me. don't mind me asking, but what did you like most there? ngl pronounce it the “American way”? lmao, and what would it be like to pronounce “carne asada” like that?? 🤔 (I've never tried chipotle but I want to stay away from any chiles). Kate annoying people in a friendly way is so real and precious 🥺 nooo, and then the awkward silence after she said something like that would be a reason for her not to speak for the next 20 minutes- to apologize I think yelena would do some acts of service, like, I can see her stopping being proud and apologizing, but her apologizing without necessarily saying it feels more right. or she'll be like those mothers who argue with you and don't apologize but make your favorite dinner hoping it works.

– 🌟

it's a good thing we don't take a long time to reply otherwise that would mean you went to sleep closer to 4am than 3am. once again, i can't be mad 'cause that means a lot...and it's adorable. your test was pretty accurate, it was 11:55 when you sent that message, now it's 2:15 but by the time i post this it'll probably be closer to 3. is this information important? no, i just wanted you to know. you got that right, thank you for admitting it where everyone can see. i know i should stop...but i can't ;) i think you should expand on this very necessary comment because how am i gatekeeping? i think there messages are the tutorial, tbh 😶

yup but it's a good thing, don't worry. kind of like how i'm predictable in terms of my references. maybe not all the time but i think i have a pretty good track record. i am incredibly happy, actually. now, let's see how long it takes you to start asking for a third star 👀 i wanted to but i didn't have time. i might watch this weekend, tbh. i think we should leave it open-ended because i'll get a headache if i think about it too much. aw, i didn't even leave and you were asking me to come back, do you really like me that much? but thank you for appreciating the joke, it made me laugh. and so did yours, tbh.

yes, i know that now not when i wrote that so therefore my complaint still stands. once again, we agreed to that after this message so that's not my fault. buuuut since you seem to be so interested…when it comes to compliments, you give really good ones that make me want to say stupid things in response. i think the sentence before this one will give you a pretty clear idea of what those more obvious sentences would be like. i think you saying this counts as you agreeing. i would be offended but you don't seem to be upset about how not discreet i am so no harm done. i’ll believe it when i see it 👀

great, that's how i meant it. i certainly don't have thoughts i was going to spill but then i got distracted by the suggestion you didn't give. are you not saying you would be willing to reveal your tktk just so i won't share some more alpha!kate thoughts? ‘cause i’m tempted to not say that no one would read said spoilers but clearly, that's a wrong assumption. so…[as offended that i am that you didn't suggest tktk instead of insta] i won't give you a little math problem to find my tktk. take my username on here, delete the - in between the words, and add 19. i certainly won't be there if you want.

i guess time will tell…and my braincells ‘cause sometimes i can't remember the references i want to make.

akkskdkdk YES! my brain hurts just looking at those words. yeah, it's certainly not usual but it's true 🤷 same, it's one of the many traditions i’ll probably never understand. i’m going to give you the honest yet dorky answer…the architecture and the museums. and when i say architecture i don’t even mean things like the Louvre or anything, i mean like the random apartment complexes. it's just…you can feel the history when you walk around. that probably makes no sense but yeah. i can't even attempt to spell out the sounds that come out of gringos when they try to say anything remotely close to spanish lmao. it’s a little more bearable in California but like 🙃 right??? she's genuinely so annoying sometimes but in a really cute way, i can't explain it. kate’s like a baby overthinker. she reacts way faster than she thinks but then once she realizes what she did/said, she’ll think about it non-stop. oh for sure. i don't think yelena would verbally apologize but she’d acknowledge kate’s feelings through actions. and they don't even have to be something big for it to feel huge in kate’s eyes. like maybe yelena just silently encourages kate to go on and on about some archery related thing and kate’s like 🥹

[dzpenumbra]

5/23/23

Today wasn't half bad. Low key, as usual. Got sucked into RP streams again.

I did a short but very intense yoga routine today... that I actually had to tap out of and take a breather. My shoulder kinda collapsed on me. I was supposed to do a side plank after a bunch of other plank-related stuff and it just... wouldn't hold. And that hasn't happened in a while. I'm not surprised, and I didn't really kick myself over it. It was just a bump in the road.

I've been getting more and more out of shape, and I don't feel like I can keep up with it. I'm frustrated about it because of how foreign it is to me. I've never had to deal with this, and... honestly, it's the fatigue that gets me. I have a lot of active exercise things I love to do. But I can't get myself to do them when I'm sleep deprived or depressed. And... that's a very chronic issue. So yeah, that's just something that haunts me and gets under my skin.

I'm gonna get to bed early tonight. Like... really soon. Just reminding myself to keep this short. I am tired, so I need to take advantage of that and use that momentum to inch my bedtime back. This 7AM shit just doesn't work. For some reason... 5AM and 7AM look the same for me as bedtimes. Like... both are way too late. By that, I mean the difference between 3AM and 5AM seems much bigger than 5AM and 7AM. Because once the sun comes up... it's just like... whatever. So... my goal is to be in bed and ready to sleep before 5. So... I'll keep this brief.

I added thin layers of Mod Podge to the yellow beads today. They look really good, actually. I think if I do thin layers, I don't have to sand them, really. Though... I'm not sure if it really evens out with how long I spend working on them. I'll see. But yeah, progress there. And I got myself to go out for a walk. I went out at like 8PM. It was well into sunset, I skipped the shower and everything. My primary goal was to get gravel for my mini garden thing I wanted to make in the terracotta pot I got. I got anxious about it again. Twice.

I got to the gravel road and there was a dude walking his dog and on his phone. So I went the other way and looped around, hoping to give him enough time to pass in a different location. But he did the most half-assed walk I've ever seen, it was like 50 feet down the road and back, on his phone the whole time. That poor dog. :( I actually ended up passing him, he started walking really slowly. And I felt really self-conscious with the idea of passing him, then taking off my backpack, pulling out a ziplock bag and shoveling gravel into it with my hands. Call me crazy, that made me a bit insecure. So I went to the parking lot at the top of the path and pulled my phone out and watched the stream I was listening to... and pretended I was scrolling something. And when he passed by, I went back to the path and filled the bag.

In the end, I wasn't really that anxious about it, and I got it done. What did make me anxious was later when I was walking back to my building... there was a person standing in a corner next to where the path goes under the bridge... and it was like... a cliche scene from a movie where someone would mug you. And I was wearing my glasses, so I couldn't see any fucking details of this person at all. So I speed-walked under that damn bridge. But besides that, I wasn't really anxious at all.

In fact, I was pretty damn confident today. I woke up to a message from my therapist who apologized profusely for the late message that he promised me. He was going to send me some custom crafted affirmations - mantras, if you prefer that terminology - to help combat my reflexive anxiety. Because it seems like a lot of it surrounds... a lack of confidence, an inferiority complex trained into me by people around me most of my life. I read a post from someone on here recently, a heavy confessional one, that sounded a lot like that too. So... if you're out there... and you get the whole... feeling like a fraud and you'll never be a "real adult" and all that nonsense... you're not alone. In fact, anyone that grew up being taught these things... you're not alone. There is not one definition of success. And I promise you... I am telling myself this as much as I'm telling this to you... if you follow someone else's definition of success, you will with almost absolute certainty end up miserable and disappointed. I'm really sorry, it's dark, it's heavy, it's disorienting, I know... but it's true. If I - as an artist, musician and poet - took self-help advice from a Navy SEAL? I mean... I'm not saying there aren't things that I could retrofit to be useful in my life, I'm not saying there's nothing to learn; only a Sith deals in absolutes. I'm saying... if I... as an artist/musician/poet... follow the step-by-step plan on how to be a happy, successful, "productive" adult crafted by a Navy SEAL... I would be miserable. Even if I succeeded. Because I would be building a life I don't even want. I would be laboring and slaving away to build someone else's life, crafted around someone else's goals, interests and desires.

What's my point with this? Get to know yourself. And learn to love yourself. Get past the "that's lame" reflexes there and try to understand that you get one fucking ride on this chunk of rock hurtling through space, and do everything you can to pursue the life that you desire. However you can. I wish society was crafted with more focus on that rather than... basically industrialized farming people and turning them into laborers... Ugh, politics aside... Step 1 - get to know yourself, what you love, what you want to do, what makes you happy. Step 2 - work towards being that person as much as possible. That's what I'm advocating.

My day started with engaging my brain in a form of focused meditation through a mantra. "It is safe for me to be my authentic self." And yeah, after years... a lifetime, really... of having my authentic self either hidden, emotionally beaten or shamed... It often does not feel safe being my authentic self. And that is the world's biggest understatement - I have had panic attacks that felt like I would be burned at the stake at a witch trial for being myself. But what I haven't really been able to convince my subconscious of lately... is that... the primary person in my life that is currently holding me back from being my authentic self... is me. Out of fear. Out of anxiety. Out of insecurity. Out of self-protection.

But today... I did much better with it. I still don't feel safe... in general. Which is a thing. But I felt a lot better just being... myself. My authentic self. My true self. The Me that I am behind closed doors, the Me that is... here. I felt more okay laughing at jokes in the stream in my earbuds as I walked in public, and not being worried about judgmental people I may pass by. And it felt... much more like home. It reminded me of times in the past when I was much more shameless (in a good way).

This is going on longer than planned, but I wanted to mention one more thing that was directly related. I watched a streamer that I really respect... that has been RPing for like... a decade? Who has streamed a ridiculous amount in her life... I watched her have an anxiety attack. A real anxiety attack. Live, on stream, in front of thousands of viewers. Because her character, who is a Captain in the PD, was going in for a final interview for Chief of Police. And she was legit having very real anxiety about it, audibly, and narrating it. And the support and empathy coming from chat (myself included) was so unbelievably heartwarming! And she nailed it! I didn't see the other interviews so I have no idea if she got the job, but she... she really deserves it. I am so fucking emotionally invested in this server, good lord! XD

So yeah, big theme of like... combatting and overcoming anxiety today. At very least, confronting. And what I gave to her as advice? Because she was talking about physical symptoms. I said "your body is just sensing something potentially unsafe, it's a biophysical reaction, you're gonna be okay." Something like that, I don't have the direct quote. I found it interesting that... that is what I decided to say. I don't know. I've been so deeply convinced in the power of narrative and will and choice, trying to dismantle and navigate the conscious thoughts, which is a crucial part of all of it... but like... this part of the nervous system is super reflexive. And it takes time and deliberate work to train your subconscious mind that things like this are safe. That you can handle it. And confidence helps a ton with that.

Alright, enough therapy talk. My plan is pretty much out the window, but I can still get to bed earlier than usual. Good day today, we'll see what tomorrow has in store. Have a good night!

[crstormzy]

castiel headcannons | my candy love

ok so i have this really annoying habit of inviting fictional characters to live in my head rent free for god knows how long. specially when they are assholes. specially when they're the type of assholes i'm really fond of. specially when they're castiel veilmont.

i also have the even more annoying habit of making extremes out of these characters in my head, but oh well... it be like that sometimes.

anyways, it's 3am where i live and i cannot sleep so here's some of the extremes i've taken castiel to during the last few years i've been obsessed with him:

so, first things first, my man is a genius. i'm not talking the einstein kinda genius, but more of a mozart or michelangelo or something like that. he likes art and he understands it and he is so good at it. like, otherworldly good.

he has an awesome vocal range, but he can rock the higher register. and he can also rock the growls so that makes for an interesting combination.

i don't care what others say, i just know castiel can cook. and i'm not talking instant noodles or frozen pizza either, i'm telling you my man can cook. call it perks of living almost alone from a young age, but he is a really great chef (and a really great lover, so be ready for a lot of breakfast treats if you're dating him).

although he is a singer (and a pretty good one at that), castiel just loves bad karaoke nights. like, all out awful singing: out of rhythm, out of breath, out of tune. he's paid to be a good singer all other nights of the year, so he definitely seizes the opportunity to just be a shitty one for a while.

songwriter is coded into his dna. like, waking in the middle of the night, genius ideas, music out of everything type of songwriter. dude writes like he's running out of time.

his lyrics are so deep, always with beautiful metaphors and the kind of thing that just guts you every. fucking. time.

or they're just vulgar nonsense. there's literally no in between.

can sleep anywhere. tour bus? yeah, sleeping. library table? long gone. the most uncomfortable chair in existence? catch him going. his bed, though? forget it. after midnight his brain simply starts running a mile a minute.

not. a. morning. person.

no, seriously. he hates mornings with a passion, specially during hsl. probably because he's always going to sleep horribly late, but he hates having to wake early for anything at all. the only exception is if he's really really really excited about something.

he can hold his liquor, but he hardly ever drinks enough for it to be necessary because he doesn't like the idea of losing control of himself.

stopped smoking somewhere after high school. he was never really dependant on nicotine and after a while (specially after crowstorm) he just stopped altogether. the sensation was nice and all, but kinda of not worth it anymore.

was bullied into becoming crowstorm's vocalist.

also hates instagram with a passion. shows up once every three months, posts a single story (after his manager grilled him for weeks to make any appearance at all) and promptly vanishes again.

would get rid of his phone if he could but, since he can't, he just isn't much of a user.

castiel please stop telling paparazzi to fuck off please for the love of god the press team is begging you stop trying to rip their cameras out of their hands please please

can be very polite and well mannered when he wants to (but he never does)

my boy is a charmer. like, literally everyone falls for him. and then he opens his mouth and just manages to be the biggest asshole ever.

(he claims it's also part of his charm)

lots of people speculate about how many plastic surgeries he's had. partly because he's very pretty, but mainly because of the nose and the eyes. no one believes his nose wasn't bought, and lots of people think he wears contacts.

(in truth he is terrified of plastic surgery, but, ironically, if he wasn't his nose would probably be top of the list of things he would wanna change)

anyways i could spend literal days talking with how much time i've spent with him inside this silly little brain of mine. these are some of the headcannons i could think of on spot but god knows i have so many more...

[sehnsuchts-trunken]

here are some random minho headcanons I got inspired to write today because, well, minho, lol

btw, as I said I wrote these because I randomly got motivated - they're not nearly as seriously written as anything else I posted on here ever. I just wanted to get some thoughts out. if that's not the kind of thing you like to read, no need to do so

- Despite always being up early and getting back only just before sundown, Minho is totally up for midnight adventures. He falls asleep so damn fast because he's always exhausted, but when he hasn't run or when he's not as tired, he's usually always roaming around the glade doing things he never gets to do otherwise. And with a significant other? He's setting up dates in the Deadheads at 3am under the stars and wakes you up just so that he can fall asleep next to you after you've gone on a walk and almost stumbled into like thirty trees (it's highly amusing but the potential to get hurt is ten times higher than usual, and that means something when talking about the Deadheads).

- Minho is one hundred percent the type of guy to share a space. He's a keeper, he sleeps in the homestead, and he's more than happy to have you next to him in his little,,,, well, room. Whether that means a hammock and a chair or maybe even a makeshift bed, he's definitely up for not being apart more than you have to be. If you're a runner that's not too much of a problem anyway, but if you're not- you just don't see each other as often. You don't get to spend as much time together. So every second and every minute that you do have the chance to be with him, you try to use well. Whatever that means.

- Also I'm convinced that this man is a showering/swimming kinda guy. He gets back and needs to shower, so you're coming with. No need to get dirty at all, it's really just once more because he's away all day in the maze, and the time that he gets to spend with you he's not gonna waste, not as long as you agree to come showering with him. And if it's warm, he is absolutely the first one to jump into the pond. Not even to wash or anything, just because. Because he's Minho.

- That he's always focused on running definitely also is mirrored in the way he sleeps. He's fallen out of the hammock at least five times (which is why I'm convinced he has a bed) simply because he tosses and turns so much. Personally I do too, especially before I fall asleep because I can't find a good position for shit, but Minho almost gets worse when he eventually does doze off. Nobody knows if he's dreaming of running or if it's literally just his head telling him that he needs to move, but nobody can do anything against it either, and as long as you're not a light sleeper you're fine.

- He's basically unconscious when he's asleep. Mans would not notice even if someone stabbed him. Which is wonderful for example when you also toss and turn so much when you sleep. Like, as long as neither of you are waking each other up with that, great! He will not be woken up at least, not until you dump cold water onto him or scream into his ears. Though he does have a built-in alarm clock that has him waking up SO early, I swear to god. He's a runner, he needs to be up early, and his body has adapted to that so well that he wakes up at the same time everyday (unless he was drunk the night before, but that's another story.)

yes by the way, I have thought a lot about how he sleeps for some reason. idk I like to analyse that. tells a lot about personality and stuff.

- Minho sings. Not very well but he loves to just sing as a joke. Just break out into song to annoy people. Which he by the way also loves to do. Just, annoy people, like, pranking them or being sarcastic or whatever. Singing is one of those methods. He memorizes quite easily, so he also memorizes song texts very quickly, which means that he can sing like twenty songs randomly at all times. All. Times.

- He's actually really strong. That should be common knowledge but I feel like many people forget about it. Like, he might not be as strong as other gladers, but this bitch almost got hit by lighting and just stood up again after. And I mean strong in a very broad physical sense here - he has muscles, he has stamina, but he also has just a damn strong body in the sense of surviving shit. He doesn't get hurt as easily as other people. But if he does- man, when he gets hurt- There's two ways to go with this guy and only two ways to go. Either this absolute dramatic bitch will not stop complaining about the smallest cut for four days straight, or he has a sprained goddamn ankle and tells you that he's fine while literally dragging his leg behind him. There's no inbetween. And it wholly depends on whether he wants your attention or doesn't want you to worry.