#it's 1am here

[mosshermit]

hey guys logging on how is everybody this evening

[empyreahn]

right now, i feel like i can never be genuinely happy

looking back, the period that challenged me the most was during the start of the year 2019. i was only 17. a lot of things happened, i needed to learn acceptance, and i needed to be strong. it was the year that my father got diagnosed with chronic kidney disease.

that is also when i started to discover a lot of things, things that i only heard from other people, but in fact it was true all along. maybe i know that it was all true and i am just in denial about it.

however i needed to be strong, i know that he also gain strength from me, i needed to act like i am strong. i believe i did great on imposing to other people that i am indeed strong.

i need my papa, i wasn’t ready to lose him, i will never be. so he fought for us. he started to recover little by little, it wasn’t smooth, and all i can do is to be there for him, to say those encouraging words, and to take care of him.

and 2023 happened. during the start of the year, i’m trying to be optimistic. but my intuition keeps on telling me that something bad is going to happen.

my papa’s health was deteriorating when this year started. it was never a good sight seeing him struggling. he keeps on telling me that he’s tired. all i can do is to say some encouraging words, pray for him, and cry in silence.

i was worried. i don’t want to go through again the emotional trauma i experienced during 2019 when i was so scared of losing my father. i kept on being optimistic that he will recover again. but my intuition tells me that i need to be prepared in case bad things will happen. maybe it wasn’t my intuition, but it was the lab results and his words that he’s already tired.

as much as i want him to stay here for a really long time, it hurts me to see how he’s trying to fight but his body is starting to fail him.

and the night of august 6th happened. i saw my papa in the hospital bed again. i didn’t even want to enter the hospital. being in a hospital feels so heavy. it’s so hard to see him having a life support for him to keep breathing.

he left us in august 8th. i cried myself to sleep. i didn’t have enough time to process my thoughts, my emotions, and everything. my mama, kuyas, and i have to be in charged in preparing his burial.

four months have passed and until now i still cry a lot. it feels so empty without you around. i miss your texts, i miss eating dinner with you and the conversation we make, and i miss cooking with you. every time i want to know things about cars, or even shortcuts to get to a place, you’ll be there to answer my questions. when the drainage is clogged or when one thing is broken at home, you’ll be there to fix it.

it’s still so hard to go through life without you. but i know you’ll say that i should go on with my life.

right now, i feel like i can never be genuinely happy. it will be a long journey to be able to live without you.

[stars-are-shining-bright]

I'll answer the trick or treats in the morning! thank you to the people that asked and anyone that wants to is free to ask anytime

[rodolfoparras]

Thinking about eating a man out till his ass and thighs are slobbered down with spit, starting out with experimental licks to his taint and rim that leaves the sweet thing gasping because he’s always been so sensitive, tongue pressing firmer at his rim before sliding inside him, delivering slow and sensual licks almost like you’re making out with him before you’re driving your tongue deep inside the man, pushing as far as it can reach and brushing over sensitive nerve endings that has the sweet thing sobbing into the sheets, your hands grappling and parting his fat cheeks, desperate to get impossibly closer to him, ever so often pulling out of him just to suck and lick at bare skin as if you couldn’t get enough of him, leaving his ass looking like a dripping wet pussy, before adding a slick finger to the mix,

The first finger slides in without much resistance as if the greedy little thing is sucking you in, only wincing slightly before relaxing onto the sheet.

Soon another finger joins which in turn has his back arching up, hips erratically fucking back onto your hand, getting more and more needier, needing to feel fuller.

A third finger joins the mix and at this point he’s sobbing into the sheets, body quaking under your touch, and you’re using so much lube it looks like he’s squirting with every thrust, and you’re cruel enough to pull away just before he orgasms, leaving him looking absolutely wrecked, gaping wet hole clenching around nothing and begging pleading for your dick.

[cuntylestat]

this is sooooo funny like louis was not fucking with armand AT ALL and then he was like you know what. i'll be with him for the rest of my life JUST to spite you lestat. and you will NEVER find anyone to replace me. ldpdl cunty country petty petty petty all the same to him plain jane spaghetti

[xxplastic-cubexx]

you open my Super Important Documents and its just pictures of charles xavier

[infinite-beginnings]

The line when Charles said, "Edwin's told me loads of stories about Hell," and him seeming to know he'd find a map in Edwin's book always hits me hard.

Now I acknowledge Charles might’ve been posturing to reassure the Night Nurse he could navigate Hell, but let's assume this fact was real.

Because that means that Edwin felt comfortable enough to talk about all of his trauma to Charles. He mentions Hell a lot in passing in front of the girls, but he never goes into specifics. However, it seems as if he actively told Charles quite a few details about Hell. I also noticed that Charles is very calm when he's going to find Edwin. Yes, he's studying the book a lot, but he is also navigating the space with a certain amount of confidence. I'm sure it's partially due to Charles' tendency to do things without thinking and project confidence. But also, it seems as if he might have at least a very basic level of knowledge or familiarity with the levels of Hell based on the stories Edwin told.

I think this is probably another reason why Edwin struggled to believe the fact that Charles had faced abuse in his past and never shared it with Edwin. Because Edwin was always up front and honest with Charles. He told him the very first time they'd met that he had just escaped Hell. I'm sure Edwin did not want to relive his memories of Hell, and maybe it took him decades to feel like he could share. But I bet when he started talking about it with Charles, he felt relief. Because sharing your trauma with someone who accepts you and loves you no matter what is always a relief after holding it in and pushing it down.

So I just imagine Edwin feeling that relief after sharing his stories from Hell and feeling closer and more bonded with Charles because of it...and then he finds out that Charles has this huge amount of trauma from his past that he has been keeping inside. It probably breaks Edwin's heart that he hadn't been able to offer Charles the same relief he'd felt.

And yes, Crystal mentioned that Charles was probably denying the trauma even to himself. We all know that Edwin knew something was off with Charles and that he was probably frustrated in himself because he hadn't been able to figure it out, but Crystal apparently had.

But I also think there might be another level to it. The boys have been solving cases for 30 years. I find it hard to believe that they never had another case involving abuse or at least someone with a controlling personality that would've reminded Charles of his father. Maybe Edwin thinks back to a couple of those cases and how Charles was acting strange and withdrawn during them and realized he'd missed a huge clue about how his friend was feeling.

All those years of sharing his stories from Hell and being comforted by Charles and Edwin hadn't been able to do the same. Edwin is definitely hurt that Charles didn't feel like he could confide in him and heartbroken to think about how much pain his friend was going through alone.

[siryyeet]

((und andersrum))

Jede deutsche Diskussion im Internet jemals

[weird-doodle]

I just had to gajinka her

[reverienco]

what the fuck am i doing. scheduling this at 1am.

[butchdiaz]

ONE OF YOUR GIRLS

for kirby my love <3 glad i could bring ur vision to life (commission me!)

tags <3 @911onabc @goldenbcnes @usereddie @chronicowboy @shitouttabuck @ilostyou @evankinard @anirudhpisharody @kitkatpancakestack @buck2eddie @try-set-me-on-fire @jeeyuns @youreonyourownkid @buckttommy @leothil @canonbibuck @exhuastedpigeon @diazly @bvckandeddie @wearherlikeanecklace @oneawkwardcookie

[moonkhao]

WE ARE | EP11

[alittlebitofloveliness]

"I stretched out and used Johnny's legs for a pillow. Curling up, I was thankful for Dally's jacket. It was too big, but it was warm. Not even the rattling of the train could keep me awake, and I went to sleep in a hoodlum's jacket, with a gun lying next to my hand." -The Outsiders

Something about this little scene gets me every time because it's such a perfect symbolic representation of a) Pony as a character and b) Pony's place in the gang and it's written as this tiny little 'inconsequential' scene that almost looks out of place on the page but in reality this perfectly shows Ponyboy's youth and innocence (the childlike action of curling up, this visual of lying on someone and also the oversized clothes) while alos hammering home the danger and gravity of the situation (the gun next to his hand, symbolically there for him to take whenever but he never does) while ALSO showcasing the multiple layers of protection from the gang in that Johnny is not only offering him physical comfort he is also staying awake to literally watch over him and Pony is swathed in Dally's oversize jacket which is a shield to him, and later saves him in the fire in the church, further driving home the symbolism of the jacket as a physical representation of Dally's protectiveness over Ponyboy- which of course makes it worse when the destruction of the jacket in the fire is also indicative of the change of Dallas' mental state and the inability for him to protect Ponyboy once Johnny is in peril and eventually dies.

[im-fucking-baalin]

HAPPY UPDATE+DLC RELEASE DAY TO THOSE WHO CELEBRATE!!!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

also HAPPY BDAY LAMB!!!!!!

[mellxncollie]

CHARLES ROWLAND in Dead Boy Detectives 1.06

[millidew]

some of yall are scared to be corny, but he was born on the cob