#it'll get better for reader

[haeryna]

i rly love everyones takes for reader's career but i rly hope you take on the realistic approach for her job like maybe she works at a small family shop since it sounds like a small town setting or maybe she just took the first office job that gave her a good salary bc she decided to put her focus solely on her parents to avoid confronting her emotions AHHH i can't wait 😭❤️

i'll probably use this ask to mention what exactly reader has been doing since satosugu left.

after graduating high school with shoko, reader was set to go to a four year uni, but with the diagnostic of her parents' illness, she quickly scrapped that idea. instead, she took community college classes online, and works both a remote office job as well as shifts at the local coffee shop. i know a ton of people wanted to see reader do more with music, however, reader is very burnt out with her jobs and with the sad memories music leaves her :( a lot of what people were telling me felt great for storytelling but i also wanted to go along with the modernday!au as much as possible, yk?

but thank you for your ask anon! i appreciate you :)

[heywardsdoll]

dad pope? maybe? pretty please? with a cherry on top?

since you asked so nicely ! 🤍

tell me why pope would be the most supportive dad ever. there is no way he wouldn't be trying to do everything for his kid, and the minute you became pregnant, he was reading all of the pregnancy books, and then even getting the baby to listen to classical music because maybe that would make them smarter. you would always giggle when he got the headset out, and put it on your baby bump. it was always some sort of niche genre, sometimes rocking it out to indie, or soft lulluby, but always something that made you remember why you loved him so much.

but you had to admit, sometimes you got a little clingly. sometimes he was doing his little work, and all you wanted from him was a kiss. sometimes thats all you wanted.

pope would be so focused on putting on the small pink head set, making sure it didn't hurt you, eyes zoned in, tongue stuck out as he adjusted it gently, "that alright?"

you would nodd, before trying to kiss him. every time he did something like this for you, you had the biggest urge to just grab him and kiss him hard. unfortunaly for you, pope had more to say.

"now, listen here. so if the baby listens to this music, they'll know it—"

"damn it!"

pope raised his eyebrows, hands pulled out to touch you before suddenly looking back at you with alarm, "hey! you good?"

suddenly you felt guilty for giving him a scare, and gently pulled away the headset off your stomache. instead you looked ad him more gently. looked at the way his eyelashes fluttered, and how his adam apple bobbed as if he was really scared. all of a sudden you were frowning, looking down at the baby bump.

"hey..hey?" pope whispered, gently lifting your chin so you were looking into his eyes. "something wrong?

it was here you would pout, "enough of this talking, of this dad business. kiss me, damn it."

then pope grinned, "hey mama, if you wanted it so bad, you could have asked nicely."

"this is me asking nicely." then you grabbed him by his very nice shirt, and his very nice hair and, you know for all of you that you gave him a very nice kiss.

[taki-yaki]

Domestic In The Underdark Headcanons

Pairing: Astarion x GN!Reader/Tav/Durge

Despite the dangers that people preach about the Underdark, you and Astarion try to make it feel like home.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! Got this out in time for the day of love. It's not quite Valentine's centric but I hope everyone enjoys it either way.

Despite the Underdark being known as the most dangerous place to live in, you and Astarion try to make it feel like home.

After finding some of the freed vampire spawn, you take up residency in an old abandoned fortress in the Underdark. It’s no grand mansion in the upper city, but you hire some artificers who are paid a little extra to keep quiet about the whole spawn situation, as well as them being able to help out fellow heroes of Baldurs Gate.

You and Astarion have a home specially made for the two of you, based on the houses in the city, as well as the spawn having homes for themselves.

When it comes to decorating the house, Astarion was mainly in charge of wallpaper and furniture choices for the home, but would also take in your inputs as well.

However, the main issue with all vampires when it comes to personal homes is the forbiddance rule they must follow, in which they must receive an invitation to enter the home, so a little hanging sign is made saying Astarion & Tav’s home which sits outside the door.

When it comes to cooking, Astarion would make an effort to learn how to, mainly for your sake if you can’t cook at all. Of course, the first few dishes may be a bit too burnt or too salty, but you can’t blame him, he hasn’t needed to eat food in over 200 years. 

“What do you mean it’s too salty for you? Well, I just kept adding salt until I could taste it”

The two of you would also take trips to the surface, via a portal setup that Gale was kind enough to arrange for you both. Visiting nearby night markets that local villages provide.

When it comes to clothing, he would embroider small messages into them whilst patching up any loose holes. Additionally, when attending parties or balls, he ensures that you wear the best outfit, during the preparations for Wither’s reunion party, he ended up spending so much time decorating your outfit, that he had to grab one of his old shirts and quickly patch it up.

He would also write small messages on your work clothes/armour for you to read while you are both apart from each other for the day, managing tasks.

During the evenings you would share each other's shirts and Astarion would always make a fuss over it “Honestly darling, it’s an honour to be wearing one of my handcrafted shirts.��

He does enjoy seeing you wearing his shirts though.

Since Elves only need around 4 hours of rest through trance, Astarion would sometimes wait for you to wake up by reading a book whilst watching you nearby. If you are an Elf or Drow, he would try to wake up before you regardless.

During the evenings, you would both cuddle together, either reading books out loud to one another or listening to each other ranting about how your day has been, from managing wayward spawn to taking out some drow raiders.

You both would bathe together, as a form of non-sexual intimacy, trying out the different scented oils that you’ve purchased from the market.

You would gift Astarion flowers that you collect from the surface, although he does find them a little gaudy, he enjoys having them as the colours remind him of being in the sun.

Astarion would try to return the favour by gifting you flowers, but only ones that would be useful for making into poisons and lists what each one is and its function.

”See if you take the petals from this one then crush and burn them, you can make a quick deadly toxin, but I think they look nice like this as well.”

Of course, when these flowers started to dry up, he would press them between books to persevere them.

Despite all the horrors of the Underdark and the gurgling task of managing over 7000 spawn. You are both able to make a place to call home.

[homosociallyyours]

Lighthouse in the middle of SF Bay has opening for new keepers

The tl;dr is that a nonprofit runs this lil lighthouse and brings in new keepers (ideally a couple) every 2 years to run the small inn there. Naturally my first thought was:

FIC PROMPT! FIC PROMPT!

[littleoddwriter]

Cooper Abbott x GN!Reader w/ BPD (Borderline PD) | Mini-Fic in Bullet Point Format

Hey there! I wrote this during the weekend when I was having a longer BPD episode and needed to vent and find comfort. Debated with myself on sharing it, but I also know from my previous BPD-centric writing that it helps others that find themselves in similar situations to mine, so, why not. This is focused around one BPD episode. General BPD!Reader headcanons with Cooper might follow at some point, though. notes/warnings; Gender Neutral!Reader; Reader has Borderline Personality Disorder; BPD Episode; Implied/Referenced Self-Harm & Suicidal Tendencies; Emotional Hurt/Comfort; Mentions of Murder(ous Intent) [because it's Cooper, so, duh].

Cooper Abbott Masterlist

You tell Cooper about your diagnosis as soon as you feel like you can trust him with the information. Over time, you’ve learned to be as open about it as you possibly could. That way you could weed out people that didn’t care or that believed in the stigma, and it was also helpful to set boundaries and explain your behaviour to the other person.

Most of the time - especially with the help of therapy - you try to manage your symptoms by yourself. You don’t want to burden anyone with your instability, and you certainly don’t want to risk being abandoned for being ‘too much’ again. But it doesn’t always work to keep it all away from the people closest to you, including Cooper.

He makes you feel safe, more than anyone ever has before him. He gives you the feeling of being seen and heard, and best of all, understood on some level. Not judged. 

When you move in together, it’s a lot more difficult for you to manage your symptoms by yourself, though. It’s hard to mask your feelings either way; but when Cooper is present, it’s like there’s no way to hide from him, for better or worse. 

One day, you have an episode, and you don’t know what to do because none of your recently learned healthy coping mechanisms are working, which only makes you feel worse.

Cooper tries to help. He keeps suggesting things for you to do, distractions, attempts to comfort you, and talks you through it. But it doesn’t help. It only agitates you more. Eventually, you snap at him. 

Regret and guilt tear you up on the inside as soon as your words leave your mouth. And you see the way Cooper falters. It’s rare for his own mask to slip around you. He looks almost murderous for a moment, like he’d want to smash your head into the wall. And it’s terrifying on one hand, but on the other, you wish he’d do exactly that and put you out of your misery.

You leave the room and he lets you, knowing that you’re not helping each other right now, but only making things worse. And once you’re alone, you lose yourself to the episode, after trying so hard to keep it inside and prevent the worst from happening. 

When you’re calm enough to face Cooper again to apologise to him for snapping, he’s gone. It almost drives you into another episode. But then you look at your phone and see that he sent you a message. An emergency at work. You don’t question it, but deep down, you have an odd feeling about the timing of it. Nonetheless, you decide to believe him, to cling onto his words that tell you that he’s going to come back to you, that he didn’t just abandon you over your outburst, and that he may not be as mad at you as he seemed at first.

You can’t get the look of his eyes from that moment out of your head, though. This murderous intent that gleamed at you. Those beautiful brown orbs that usually looked so gentle, suddenly devoid of any affection. Just cold daggers that were waiting to pierce you to death.

In the morning, after a restless night on your end, he returns home to you. He takes care of you, quietly and soothingly, not judging you for what you might have done during the worst of your episode. He lets his lips travel over each spot he knows you love to feel them most. The tenderness of his actions are a harsh contrast to the murder in his eyes the night before. Those same eyes that now look at you like you’re used to. Full of affection and care, and gentleness. 

Once you’re both sitting in silence, you apologise to Cooper, almost frantically. Still terrified that he’ll leave you, just like the rest. But he doesn’t. He accepts your apology and even apologises to you, as well. For having to leave all of a sudden when you were at your worst and needed him most, for not doing anything that helped you; not that it was his fault at all, but you appreciate the sentiment. 

Cooper finishes it with a new gift for you. A piece of jewellery he knew you’d love. He saw it on his way home, he claims, and just had to get it for you as a way to finalise his apology, but also to give you a new physical reminder of his love for you.

[telekineticseance]

CHEMISTRY

pairing: matt stone x f! assistant reader

summary: casa bonita outing (sixth part to circumstances)

genre: fluff..at first

word count: 3050

cw: legal age gap, uh uh cunnilingus, fingering

author's note: it's happening

if you haven't read the first part check it out here: "CIRCUMSTANCES"

After the plane ride, Matt took you to your hotel and you got your room key before practically running away from him, including making the elevator doors close before he had a chance to enter himself. You walked to your hotel room and fumbled with the hotel key before walking in and shutting the door behind you, collapsing on the bed and letting the tears fall. You weren't even letting out sobs, just letting tears roll down your cheeks as you stared at the white ceiling above. You didn't want to keep pushing him about the situation but you knew it happened. I mean sure you had your moments of imagination before but that..that was REAL.

You wiped the tears from your face as you curled up higher on the couch, closer to the pillows, just taking a minute. At first you thought about taking Matt's suggestion and doing some sight seeing, after all this was your first time to Denver. The flight itself only took about two hours so by the time you arrived at the hotel it was a little after 11, including the travel in between.

The temperature wasn't too different from LA to Denver, which helped since you weren't entirely sure what to pack for in the first place. You let out a deep breath before deciding to get up from the bed, and walking towards the door, as you grabbed your purse and phone, leaving the room.

The hotel was a block away from a place called the 16th Street Mall so you decided to take a walk through there. While walking through, you looked at the people around you, taking in the sights. Even though some of it was the same as home, it was different. A different vibe, different energy. Almost peaceful.

As you walked past the windows at the store, you noticed a dress in the window on a mannequin. It was a mid-thigh length dress in a nice red wine shade, with chain straps and a cowl neckline. You looked down at yourself, and looked back up to the mannequin. The dress you had chosen for the opening tonight was a simple black dress you picked up from Target a few years back and you just consistently wore it to multiple events since then. It was a short black dress with a black sheer cover over it that reached down to your knees.

You thought for a moment before making your way inside the store, being greeted by a few people working at the shop. You asked them for help in finding the dress in your size before trying it on in the dressing room. You looked in the mirror and ran your fingers along the velvet fabric of the dress. The dress fit you just like how it sat on the mannequin, and you noticed a small slit along the bottom where the fabric wrapped over itself.

After looking at yourself in the mirror for just a little bit longer, you decided to buy the dress and wear it tonight instead of the dress you originally bought, picking up some matching jewelry before checking out and leaving the store.

You spent the next few hours, grabbing a bite at a local restaurant and continuing to walk around the streets of downtown Denver, even riding one of those electric scooters that connect to your phone in the process.

Once you realized it was almost 6, you decided to head back to your hotel room before bumping into a familiar figure in the lobby, causing you to drop your bags on the floor. "Oh sorry Y/N," You looked up and saw Trey as he smiled down at you softly, helping you pick up the bags. You smiled at him softly, while thanking him.

You never really talked to Trey much, as most of the time you two saw each other, one of you were in the middle of something and just waved and then went on with your day.

He looked at you softly, "Are you okay? You were really quiet on the plane and I know how you and Matt usually are?" He asked, handing you the bags he picked up for you. You nodded in response, looking up at him, "Yeah I'm fine. Just tired." You were lying to him, but I mean if Matt was going to act like the kiss never happened, you might as well have done the same. Especially if he hadn't told Trey about it. He smiled softly, "Well alright then. I'll see you later tonight?"

You gave him a nod before you both parted your ways and you headed back to your room. You decided to take a shower to start getting ready for the celebration, taking your time as you cleaned yourself, and fixed your hair and makeup as well.

----------

You finished getting ready right before you heard a knock on your door and you opened it revealing Matt in a button down shirt, black slacks, and a blazer. The top few buttons on his shirt were left unbuttoned, revealing a few strands of chest hair poking out the top. You held your bag close to you as Matt stood in the doorway, eyes scanning you, before he looked up and made eye contact, "You look...really good."

Shrugging at his comment you walked past him, shutting the door behind you as you started walking down the hallway. Matt followed closely behind, he came up behind you, lightly touching your arm making you jerk your arm away as you two ended up in the elevator. You pressed the button for the lobby and leaned against the wall of the elevator, crossing your arms across your chest, while trying your best to keep your eyes off Matt.

But in the moments where you struggled to look away, you noticed him eyeing you intently. His eyes narrowed as he took in his bottom lip through his teeth ever so slightly.

His attention was averted when the elevator rang the bell signaling you two had reached the lobby, as you walked out when the doors opened, not even bothering to wait for Matt in the process. He continued walking behind you trying to keep up with your pace, before you two arrived at the car and got in the back, as the driver began driving the two of you to the restaurant.

While in the car, Matt leaned over the back seat, "Did I do something?" He whispered, looking at you. You turned your head, looking out the window, keeping quiet. You noticed a small reflection of him through the window as he continued looking over at you, before letting out a soft sigh and looking out his own window.

You rested your head on the window as you watched the city go by, trying to not look over at Matt. You haven't had a good look at him since the kiss because you struggled to do so, more than usual. You thought of him when you opened the door, the way he was dressed. The way his beard and hair were beginning to grow gray with age and it was a little patchy, but he still made it look good. It was only a little gray, like on the sides of his head and mainly on his chin. He was also letting his hair grow out a little more, so his curls would stick out a little above his forehead.

The drive to Casa Bonita wasn't that long, despite the pretty heavy traffic on the way there. Once you arrived, you and Matt climbed out of the car and walked in together where he led you to a table that had a few chairs, pulling one out for you. You made eye contact with him, before moving to a different chair, sitting down while looking at the menu on the table.

His jaw clenched and he grabbed onto your arm before lifting you from your chair, dragging you to one of the offices, shutting the door and locking it behind him before turning and looking at you, "Okay what the fuck?"

You crossed your arms across your chest, raising an eyebrow as you looked at him from across the room. "What do you mean?"

He rolled his eyes while scoffing letting out a chuckle, "Don't fucking do that."

"Do what Matt? Act as if nothing is happening?" You questioned, glaring at him, feeling the anger rise inside of you as the two of you drew closer together. He blinked, looking away for a minute before turning back to you, "You've been ignoring me since we got on the plane."

You kept quiet, avoiding eye contact with him. You didn't want to talk to him, afraid of anything you might say be from frustration or anger. Because despite what happened, you still liked him. A lot.

"So are we going to talk about it? Or are you going to continue to give me the silent treatment?"

You rolled your eyes at him before looking at him, "What is there to talk about Matt? Nothing happened between us so I have no reason to be mad at you. Right?"

He crossed his arms, looking down at his shoes as he got quiet before you spoke up again, "I don't even care though. I'm going back out there."

You walked past Matt and put your hand on the knob to unlock the door before hearing Matt mumble under his breath. You slowly turned and looked at him, "What?" You asked him, with a hint of annoyance under his breath.

"I said. Fuck. This." He repeated, his voice getting louder, looking at you. You scoffed and rolled your eyes at him, "Fuck what exactly?"

"This," He sighs, "We kissed. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

You rolled your eyes, turning back to the door before you felt Matt grab you and push you against the wall next to the door, his body pressed against yours as he looked down at you, his hand firmly holding your waist, "And it's all I can think about."

He pushes his lips onto yours as you take a minute to fight back, still feeling the anger at him before giving in and kissing back. You closed your eyes, reaching your hands up to hold onto the collar of his shirt. His beard scratched at your face as you kissed, but you didn't mind it. He kept your lips attached as he pulled you away from the wall, hands around your waist as the two of you stumbled over to the desk in the middle of the room, where he lifted you up to sit on top.

He pulled away, his forehead against yours as he looked in your eyes, "You look so fucking hot in this dress. I couldn't help but think about ignoring this whole thing and fucking you in that hotel room."

Your eyes widened slightly at his statement, this was a new side to Matt but you weren't going to complain about it. And of course you were still mad about his incident but that wasn't really at the front of your mind right now.

Matt moved his hands to your thighs as he pulled you closer to him, standing between your legs before leaning in to kiss you again. You ran your fingers along Matt's torso, unbuttoning a few more buttons from his shirt as you ran your fingers underneath, lightly scratching his chest with your nails as you did so, causing him to let out a soft moan into the kiss.

He pulled away from you as he began leaving a trail of kisses down your jawline, to your neck, careful not to linger in one spot too long so he doesn't leave marks. Your breathing increased, as he ran his hands up the skirt of your dress, lifting it up in the process, before he pulled his face away from your neck and looked up at you.

"I don't want to do anything you don't want to." He whispered, his hands resting on your upper thighs, as his thumbs continued to rub circles on your thighs. You bit your bottom lip looking into his eyes, "I want this." You assured him, as he nodded in response.

He attached his lips back to yours, the skirt of your dress was now lifted to where your underwear was on display as he continued moving his hands slower up your thighs. He went back to attacking your neck as you let out soft gasps in response, "We should hurry."

He chuckled at you before looking up, "Should we now?" He teased, kissing your chest a he lowered himself more. You nodded in response, knowing that eventually people would be wondering where the two of you disappeared to, especially since you and Matt hadn't been the most secret about leaving in the first place.

He got to his knees, looking up at you as he left kisses on your thighs. You squirmed slightly under his touch, feeling the way his beard tickled at your thighs as his lips moved closer to your core. He chuckled at your actions as he glanced up at you, to see the pleading look on your face. You had been waiting for this moment for months and now that it was finally here, he was taking his time.

"Tell me what you want." He instructed, his thumbs continuing to rub circles on your thighs as he moved even closer. He knew exactly what you wanted, but to hear it come from your lips is what he needed.

"I...I want you," You whimpered out, moving your hand to his head trying to move him closer causing him to stop and look at you. "No no. I want you to tell me exactly what you want." He tsked at you as he looked at the wet spot that continued to grow in your underwear before looking up at you with a smirk on his face.

"I want you. To fuck me." You breathed out and he licked his lips looking up, "Oh what profanity on a pretty mouth," He joked as you rolled your eyes before he blew out a stream of cold air to your clothed clit causing you to gasp, sending a shiver down your body.

He pulled down your panties and left another wet kiss against your thigh, "Are you ready?"

"Yes. Please." You begged him, not sure how much longer you could handle the wait. He nodded with a grin before using his tongue to run it along your slit, as you moved your hips up from his action. He used his hands to force your hips back down, holding them in place as he began moving his tongue around your clit.

You used one hand to keep you propped upright on the desk, while the other you tangled into his small patch of curls. You let out a soft moan as he continued to flick his tongue, the grip on your hips tightening.

He moved one of his hands and began using two of his fingers to thrust into your hole. You tightened your thighs around his head as he curled his fingers inside, closing his lips around your clit. The chuckles he made from your reaction sent vibrations through you, making you let out another moan, this one louder than before.

He pulled his mouth away, continuing to pump his fingers as he watched your head lean back, shushing you in the process. You bit your bottom lip to suppress any moans, as he attached his mouth back onto your slit, teasing his tongue in circles through your aching clit.

You could feel yourself starting to reach your high as the grip on his hair tightened. You buckled your hips up, his fingers continuing to curl as they thrust into your g spot. "I'm so close," You barely whimpered out, as his continued to send vibrations through your core from his chuckles.

He enjoyed seeing you like this, barely able to form words under his touch. His fingers curled one last time before you felt yourself reach your high. You moved your hips, grinding into his mouth as you released. You felt air catch in your throat as you wanted to let out moans, but pushed yourself to stay quiet, letting out whispers of profanities.

Matt pulled his mouth and fingers away before putting his hand up to your mouth, "Suck."

You looked at him, taking his fingers into your mouth as you cleaned them off. He pulled his fingers out, a small string of spit attached as he looked into your eyes, kissing you once more.

You kept your fingers tangled in his hair as he started to unbuckle his slacks before hearing the sound of his phone buzzing on the desk. He groaned as he pulled away looking into your eyes, "Out of time." He whispered.

You whined a little as he pulled his hand from his pants and grabbed the phone, ignoring the call.

He left a small peck to your lips as he cupped your face in his hands, "Fix yourself up. I'll go stall a little." He whispered against your lips. He fixed his shirt and grabbed his blazer from the floor as you looked him up and down, seeing the growing bulge against his pants in the process.

He chuckled as he looked down, buttoning the blazer, using it to cover it to the best of his ability, "Nothing I can do about it now." He glanced over at you as you shakily hopped off the desk, your legs trembling.

You looked around for your underwear as Matt chuckled at you, before holding them out in his fingers, "Looking for these?" You nodded, taking them from him as he grabbed your chin in his hands once again, putting his lips to yours, as if he was reliant on you.

"Okay. Okay," He spoke softly, "I'm leaving now." He told you before pulling away and walking towards the door, unlocking it as he left the room, taking one last glance at you.

You leaned against the edge of the desk, in disbelief of what just happened. Wondering what would happen next.

updated a/n : next part! 🎉

[genericpuff]

this is it, i've officially peaked

(original comic is by @lastplacecomics and the original context absolutely 100% worked for a joke like this LMAO)

[hauntedvintagelight]

How am I supposed to feel about this panel as someone who finished reading the webnovel.

This is gonna be the most difficult time for you my ASS.

[pfhwrittes]

there's magic in this misery - part two

part one is here

link to ao3 here

update: i'm currently reworking this fic as of 29th may 2024. existing parts will be deleted and replaced with an updated version when it's done!

TW: depictions of depression, angst, emotional hurt/no comfort, reader is a bit of a dickhead to johnny, swearing, bonnie lad used as a pet name, unreliable narrator.

pairing: john "soap" mactavish x ftm!reader (he/him pronouns used for reader)

word count: roughly 1k of angst. typos and grammatical errors are still quite likely so i apologise for those.

__

johnny comes back sometime later. it’s not as light behind your drawn curtains and you think you’ve probably fallen asleep at some point. you can tell he’s trying to be quiet but he’s forgotten to take off his boots. his footsteps reverberate through the thin floors and thinner carpet as he moves through the flat into the living room and then back towards the hallway. the downstairs neighbours will probably complain the next time they see you. oh well. 

you resist the urge to check the time so you can berate yourself for wasting another day in bed. lazy, useless, selfish hisses the voice, too cowardly to find out how much of your life you’re wasting. the voice is interrupted by a knock on the door jamb of your bedroom.

“i picked up takeaway on the way home if yer wantin’ any.” it guts you to hear johnny sounding so unsure from the doorway of your bedroom. half in the hallway, half in the gloom. 

“yeah” you pause to clear your throat but the lump that’s taken root persists “that sounds nice.” 

you disentangle yourself from the blanket that’s wrapped itself around your legs like an anchor. a can rattles ominously on the bedside cabinet as you force yourself to stand up and take the first few steps toward johnny. 

johnny just waits in the doorway for you to join him. fuck, it shouldn’t be this hard. you stop just out of arm's reach and wait for him to move so you can shuffle into the living room. 

“can i hug ye?” johnny asks gently.

“i stink, johnny.” the words are barely out of your mouth before he tugs you into his arms. the heat of his chest against your front is nice, as is the broad palm he places on your back. he’s holding you so gently that you could easily pull out of his embrace if you wanted to but you allow yourself to sink into him. to leech the life out of him just for a moment. 

“i don’t care. just want to hold ye for a minute.” he sounds so sad that you immediately feel guilty. it’s your fault he’s feeling like this. if you just tried harder to be normal he wouldn’t have to lie to you. you tense in johnny’s arms hearing that darkly seductive voice again, the one that just won’t seem to let you enjoy any fucking thing even for a single minute. 

fuck. when did get so hard to be a good boyfriend? when did it get so hard to be a good person? you don’t know any more. the slow creeping sadness has taken root in your chest and thoughts and now you’re stuck, tangled up in a mess of misery. 

johnny pulls back and his piercing blue gaze flickers between your own. 

“talk to me. what’s goin’ on in there?”

you swallow. that fucking lump of self hatred still sticks in your throat.

“nothing. i’m fine.”

“i wish ye wouldnae lie tae me bonnie lad.” johnny’s lips twist and he huffs a soft sigh through his nose. “i wish you wouldnae lie to yourself.” 

you blink, stunned for a second before a wave of irritation rises in your chest. 

“what the fuck is that supposed to mean?” you snap. you feel brittle under the weight of your emotion after feeling numb for so long. 

“well, ‘s just that simon says -” you’re too pissed off to even offer a wisp of a smile at johnny’s slip up and cut him off before he can even finish.

“simon? you told simon about me?” you step back from johnny’s warmth. “did you just sit around the pub all afternoon and tell simon how disgusting i am right now?” your voice has risen in volume, keeping step with the rising tide of your irritation."how much of a failure i am?"

johnny jerks back frowning slightly. 

“no, that’s no’ what i’m sayin’ -” johnny rubs a hand over the stubble on his cheek before letting it drop. “just when simon an’ gaz asked where you were -” 

a sardonic laugh erupts from you, noxious and bubbling. you barely recognise it as your own. 

“oh so you told both of them how disappointed you are in me!” you accuse. deep down you know that's not true, that johnny hasn't spent hours flaying you open to two of his closest friends but you can’t seem to stop yourself. why can’t you stop yourself from lashing out? fuck.

“steamin’ jesus! are you gonna let me finish a sentence or no’?” johnny’s face has gone red and his chest is heaving with poorly tempered frustration. you’ve never seen him like this. yes, you’ve bickered before. you’ve even had disagreements before. but you’ve never seen him look so angry and underneath that anger look so hurt. 

your temper flares again, apropos of nothing, and before you know it you’re spewing forth every twisted thought that’s plagued you over the last week. your thoughts spill into the space between the both of you, filling it with bile. with darkness. with a self loathing so strong it coats your tongue and throat, even as you wish you could snatch back every word. until finally you say something so unforgivable johnny’s immense patience with you snaps.

“yer aff yer fuckin’ heid if you think i’m puttin’ up wi’ this!” johnny hurls over his shoulder as he stomps towards the door.

“take the fucking takeaway with you! i don’t even like indian!” you yell as the door to your flat slams closed. “dickhead!”

the silence rings in your ears where you’ve frozen in the threshold of your bedroom and you release a shaky breath, all the anger and hurt that has built up draining away leaving you feeling more numb than before.

you stagger back to bed, the takeaway cooling on the coffee table in the living room forgotten. 

you nudge the bedside cabinet as you clumsily crawl back into bed, limbs heavy. the coke can tips over and you burst into tears. 

well you’ve done it now, croons the voice, you’ve scared off one of the few people that will ever love a headcase like you.

you bury your face into your pillow and sob.

alone.

[oh-meow-swirls]

it's kind of weird to me that they didn't bother releasing sushi and tempura internationally at all but at the same time i'm kinda glad they didn't cuz like. yo-kai watch was financially failing in the west by the time 3 released. i feel like if they had released sushi and tempura the franchise would've completely tanked before we got sukiyaki which would've sucked. honestly if anything i feel like it's more surprising that we got all three versions of 2 instead of them just releasing psychic specters but tbf i think yo-kai watch was doing well in the west when 2 released. 2 is just inexplicably what killed the franchise despite being a masterpiece-

[kuromi-hoemie]

hhhh talking about my writing was fun but 30 tags is not enough.. yes i have 3 major influences but i have minor ones too.. it is a lovechild of my favorite things.. writing is so fun and i have no self control or a concept of pacing myself i will sit there for 16 hours and get hit with every status effect but by god does it all just flow out of me. I've always been a music person yes but i also used to write a lot into early adulthood until The Incident™

but i am ready 2 jump back into it. i think comics are a great middle ground between the two mediums so i don't get As into writing bc i kind of started going crazy last time 🫡 i can take a more structured approach to it that forces me to pace myself and think about it differently. i love art.... i love making things i love knowing how to do things i love knowing how to play things i love having so many creative outlets, even if i don't do a lot of them regularly lol. it is enriching 😳 and nice to know that it's always there to come back to when u want.

[rosesradio]

finish ch 6 of the CE revision & added 1100 words to the chapter...

[darklyndivinely]

I was interested in learning guitar. I asked a couple friends of mine whether to pick up acoustic or electric, and both said to go for acoustic. I did extensive research on Google as well and most articles say that it doesn't really matter. The only con to electric guitar that I see is the pricing, but I'm hoping to go second hand, so that might fall in my budget if I save for a couple months. But I still wanna confer with someone experienced. If anyone's got any advice, please drop it.

[not-poignant]

very, very late question to an old work and I will perfectly understand if you don't want to reply to this and prefer not to bring the discussion toward your old works.

out of curiosity, how much did the hunger games, divergent, maze runner or other dystopian YA works of the time influence TGATNW?

the curiosity stemmed from the fact that while my initial perspective on your works were that they were a complete divergence from mainstream media due to its rawer, kinkier nature, a thought popped up that your works might have (purposefully?) satisfied the trends of the times they were created. the golden age (and fae tales soon after) was an appropriate dystopian rebellion story in the midst of the YA fever in 2014-2015 containing similar tropes.

On the other hand, falling falling stars and other efnisien centric works which address mental health and recovery more heavily than other works were published in the present day while shows on mental health discourse (for instance sex education and euphoria) are increasingly more popular. there are definitely exceptions, but those mentioned are some of your most prominent works.now that I think about it, my question might actually be: if at all, how do current trends influence your narratives? I think I remember a mention of these works' influences being old tales, so it would be interesting to hear how contemporary works have inspired you as well if it all.

thanks Pia! even if you don't reply, thanks for all the time and effort you've put into these works. they mean a lot and so much more to a many people.

This one is easy to answer:

my question might actually be: if at all, how do current trends influence your narratives?

So the TL;DR upfront -> I don't read, and often don't know about current trends. I have zero interest in writing to market. I hadn't read any of those books you mentioned when I wrote The Golden Age that Never Was with the exception of The Hunger Games, which came out over half a decade beforehand (except for the last installment in the trilogy, which was my least favourite lol).

In more detail:

I was inspired to write The Golden Age that Never Was - I can't believe I'm saying this - based on a dream I had in August, 2015.

I read Divergent for the first time in 2016 (er, so after I'd started TGATNW). I read book 1, gave it 2 stars, and don't remember anything about it. I haven't read Maze Runner and I know nothing about it.

Going back through my Goodreads account in 2013 and 2014, I read what looks like almost no books actually published in those years. I read books on cod (literally, the nonfiction book Cod, it's really very good), I read Manna Francis (defo not YA), I read nonfiction books on trauma, I read a bunch of Tricia Owens (M/M not YA), I read Eleanor & Park (YA but contemporary), I read a bunch of M/M, Hagio Moto's Zankoku na Kami ga Shihaisuru manga took over my life for a few months, and then I read a bunch more BL manga (none of it recently published that year) for consecutive months and checked out of anything written in the western world for almost half a year.

I got back into M/M at the end of / beginning of 2015 and it looks like that was all I was reading through all of 2015 with very few exceptions (one more Rainbow Rowell book, Station Eleven by Mandel, and nonfiction). I read no dystopian YA in the 2 year lead up to writing The Golden Age that Never Was. Not a single title. Out of like 200 titles. I didn't even read historical dystopian YA. I think we can safely say that was in no way a direct influence and I can bet you around $500 I had no idea it was a trend lmao.

I do not know exactly how to convey how little I give a shit about reading or responding to publishing trends. I don't care and have never cared. No, wait, I think I attempted to care for about 2 months after seeing a Facebook post about it and then was like 'wait, this is extremely demotivating' and stopped. There are some - few - absolute favourite authors who if they release a book, I will read it that year. (Like the latest Murderbot by Martha Wells). Otherwise I prefer generally not knowing what the trends are, and I don't read author blogs etc. that keep me updated on this. New genres rise and fall and by the time I hear of them, they've either already vanished, or new names have been invented for them.

I feel the same way about music and a lot of television as well. I started watching True Detective for the first time this year. A lot of the music I've listened to and discovered didn't release that music this year. And while I have watched and listened to things that did release this year, it was less because it was 'trendy' and more because they are musicians I've always listened to (Manchester Orchestra) or TV shows I would have wanted to watch anyway.

Also The Golden Age that Never Was isn't dystopian YA. But I wasn't reading much by the way of any dystopian romantic science fiction anyway (and certainly nothing released in those years), and no space operas or anything like that. If TGATNW synced up with any trends at all, it was a happy coincidence. But given I don't think it's YA, if people who only wanted to read dystopian YA found it, they were going to be really disappointed! Lmao.

Around 2013 I also just stopped reading anything heterosexual because I had a choice in the moment and exercised that choice. And I tell you - it's low key hilarious how much you get locked out of almost all the trends (certainly almost 10 years ago) anyway, if you exclusively read same sex.

I also just have general disdain for the idea of purposefully satisfying any kind of fiction trends in fanfiction. Like, no, that's not for me. I think that's a waste of my time, and it's not why I write fanfiction. I write fanfic for fun, and to me, looking at trends and writing to trends is one of the least fun things I can actually think of doing.

(Re: Your Sex Education / Euphoria example, I had to laugh. I haven't seen the latter, and the former I only watched for the first time late last year, when I'd already finished Falling Falling Stars.)

No trend has ever inspired anything I've ever written. And no book / show has ever directly inspired anything I've ever written too. I definitely have inspirations - everyone does - but like, yeah no, one of the reasons I let other people rec works similar to mine is because I can never think of any, because I write because of a perceived vacuum providing what I want to read. If what I want to read is already present and there's a lot of it, I won't write anything, because I don't need to. I am the opposite of an 'adding my book into the pile of a trend' author, like literally, that's a reason to not write for me.

I write what I don't see in the world, and it's pretty much that simple.

[orcelito]

Ok I'm doing emotionally better than earlier. Though I managed to trigger an Arm Ache by Holding my arm in a weird position (to clean the machine) and My arm being too cold 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 I guess.

I took an ibuprofen but it hasn't done a damn thing. Which means it's time to wrap my arm in the hot pad to get a moment of damn peace 😮‍💨

[mantisgodsdomain]

Sometimes we feel the need to put a big 'ol disclaimer on things that reads "just because we're bitching about something doesn't mean we hate it without exception" because a lot of the time, it's really not that we hate the core thing. Most of the time, it's that we don't like a certain direction it's been taken, or a certain approach that's dominating in Average Opinions, or... well, you get the idea. We don't dislike the thing itself, we dislike the direction it's being taken, because we don't believe there's such thing as a bad idea for a story, just bad handling.