#it'd make the world better I think
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Planet of the Apes is good but it could be better if they added dinosaurs, in this essay I will-
#the essay is that dino make everything better#it'd make no sense at all. and that'd be okay#planet of the apes#give the apes some dinos#it'd make the world better I think
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Vee and Glisten are very much The Besties Ever in my mind, so what if,, matching themed skins for them?
Vee's design is based on a rosy maple moth, and Glisten's is based on a malachite butterfly!
#someone get me in contact with qwel i need her to see my vision /hj#dandy's world#vee dandys world#vee dw#dandys world vee#dw vee#dw glisten#glisten dandys world#glisten dw#dandys world glisten#glisten the mirror#vee version 1#dw brightney#dw flutter#WHY do the characters have to use So Many different tags----#also. none of this is 100% intended as ship but. i don't really care if it gets tagged as such#and if anyone is curious. the design thought process went:#my friend and i wanted vee and glisten to have matching skins of some sort#-> glisten's bow reminds me of wings. i'd already been thinking it'd be neat for him to have a skin where he's got wings ->#vee's cape in her cosmic signal costume could pretty easily be adjusted to look like folded back wings. like moth wings.#and her tv antennae lends itself pretty well to bug antennae. -> turn vee into a moth then? ->#glisten needs spread out wings if it's gonna replace his bow. butterflies also kinda fit his vibe better than moths i think.#and having one moth and one butterfly is cute to me. -> turn glisten into a butterfly#-> rosy maple moths are one of the more popular moth species. and if i make vee one then she'd have glisten's usual colour scheme ->#make glisten a green butterfly then? the malachite butterfly is kinda neat#-> and then i drew them :)
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Soo, remember in Glorious Masquerade, when Malleus came up with the story that the cause of the Crimson Lotus was unknown, and Rollo was actually trying to save everyone alongside the NRC students?
What if that's another bit of foreshadowing for the end of Book 7?
Briar Valley is in a really precarious position now, still recovering from the Silver Owls, with the Senate mostly taking over while Maleficia grieves, so Malleus overblotting is just another blow to the fae, even if students like Leona, Kalim, Vil and Idia manage to advocate on his behalf.
So why not spin the tale of how there was an unnamed threat on the island that was so Dire (pun intended for Crowley) and all-encompassing that Malleus had to go all out?
To avoid collateral damage and prevent the issue from reaching the rest of the globe, he had no choice but to use his UM to cover the whole island, keeping everyone safe in a peaceful slumber while the threat was dealt with. Luckily, STYX coordinated efforts with the rest of Briar Valley and they managed to subdue the threat both inside and outside the barrier, and everyone is safe now!
That way, the world can see Malleus not as an uncontrollable monster, but as a fierce protector who might go a bit overboard, but means well (also he's a dragon and his remaining family was on the island, so his protectiveness is understandable). Therefore, it's best to befriend the fae and Briar Valley than make enemies out of them!
The only problem is the rest of the student body and staff that saw the overblot at Lillia's farewell party, but I'm pretty sure STYX's Lethe program is back on to deal with the mobs, while the rest of the cast can be sworn to secrecy in exchange for having Malleus owe them a favour (they can use Azul's UM for the NDA).
As for the problem, NRC has been dealing with overblots at least once a month, not to mention the STYX invasion, and the Phantom Dwarves back in the mines, and how Book 7 might introduce the true mastermind and that's what we have to deal with in Book 8... They just have to pick ONE of the options above.
As a sidenote, having Sunset Savanna become Briar Valley's fiercest allies because Leona told his brother that Malleus is his friend would be so funny. Falena sees his depressed brother going to the trouble of making a whole Power Point presentation to convince the council on the benefits of allying to Briar Valley, all to save a school friend, and just decides that Malleus Draconia will have his unending support. Kifaji too.
(Leona has been ignored and belittled so many times that he prepared for the worst and made a whole slide presentation in hopes of defending his point well enough. Shoud've just led with "Malleus Draconia is a friend of mine who just went through a very traumatic experience and I want to help him" Kifaji and Falena would accept in a heartbeat).
BONUS:
Leona: *Practicing his Power Point presentation at 2AM*
Cheka: Unca, what are you doing in the middle of the night?
Leona: I'm just practicing, no one (my dormmates aside) ever likes my ideas and I have to make sure this works...
Cheka: Why?
Leona: Well you see... [starts explaining the inportance of supporting Briar Valley at theur moment of need and the benefits an alliance may bring to the table] ... also the Lizard would love if-
Cheka: Why do you keep calling Malleus Draconia "Lizard"? Is he your friend? Do you want to help him?
Leona, sighing: Yeah kiddo, he is my friend. He's been going though some tough times, almost lost his father and brother, and as much as we butt heads, well, no one deserves that...
Cheka: So why don't you just say that he's your friend and you wanna help him instead of talking about those "tweatwies"?
Leona: First of all, it's "treaties", and second, well, Briar Valley is in trouble, and helping them might get us in trouble too. Also I'm just the accursed second prince, people never listen to me, I need to back up my proposal with facts.
*random noise that sounds like a mix between a growl and a sob (Falena and Kifaji are eavesdropping lol)*
Leona: What's that?!
Cheka, panicking: Probably the wind....
*THE NEXT DAY*
Leona, finishing the presentation: And that's my proposal, any questions?
Random councilman: Well I-
Kijaji, smiling menacingly: I think it's a splendid idea, Leona. Briar Valley has been a longtime friend of ours, so it's only right that we help them in their time of need.
Falena, also smiling menacingly: Agreed! I'm so proud of you, my brother!
Leona: Wait, seriously!?
Falena's wife, smiling and sharpening a knife while subtly observing the other councilmen, marking targets: Of course, Leona! You have a sharp mind and this is a good plan. Briar Valley will have Sunset Savanna's full support for the coming criais, isn't that right, councillors?
Other councillors: Yes Ma'am!! Don't kill us pls
#honestly it'd be better to just wipe out everyone's memories#but it'd ruin plenty of character development#especially with how everyone's getting to know each other via dream-hopping#and how idia and sebek are making more friends/ acquaintances#and how the cast may see Malleus in a new light after all of the overblot madness (imagine if the overblot flashback gets broadcasted-#-because they're in a dream and have access to Malleus's subconcious)#also it'd be a neat way to brush aside all of the political consequences of book 7#since the game mostly ignores that and just jumps to the next chapter...#and we don't have time for a human-fae war 2.0 when there's still the interschool spelldrive and Grim's overblot#we interrupt this Book 7 speculation to bring you kingscholar siblings (this family is killing me)#I just think that if Leona were to ask for help Falena would come running. but no one in this game knows how to COMMUNICATE#so they're in a stalemate of misunderstandings#also Leona is allergic to asking for help like any other NRC kid#Idia and Ortho went to Hell and back for each other. Malleus is dooming the world because Silver cried. Falena you need to step up your game#yes falena and kifaji saw leona still awake worrying about a project and sent cheka to inveatigate while they eavesdropped from the hallway#twst#twst spoilers#leona kingscholar#falena kingscholar#malleus draconia#twst kifaji#kifaji#cheka kingscholar#rollo flamme#banter don't look there are too many spoilers here#idia shroud#ortho shroud
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there's a self-help/mental health adjacent post that's going around and it seems to be really helpful for a lot of people which is very good. I also personally hate it with all my fucking heart
#it's the anhedonia one btw lmao#if i. have to be exposed to one more goddamn cbt-ass advice post in my life. I will start tearing throats out with my teeth#and I will have earned the right to because I've been through the fucking TRENCHES over the years man#I think it's the appeal to urgency at the end however ruefully humorously packaged that ohohoho. really grrrrinds my gears.#this is obviously not what the person is trying to do with that but the unavoidable implication that the reason you might still#be suffering is that you just haven't tried hard enough to change to like things to open your eyes... hey. respectfullly. fuck off#peak advice for mild to moderate symptoms of mental illness thoughtlessly presented as universally applicable#without any consideration for the deeper thing you're saying -- that if someone is in a real bad way and DOESN'T get better#it's their own responsibility and they just haven't tried hard enough. in trying to be kind you are being so desperately cruel#to the people who are struggling the most. bitch I am fucking GREAT at liking things! it's one of my best skills!! I'm generally curious!#my capacity for enthusiasm and intellectual joy over any old thing that strikes my fancy is legendary and often I suspect quite annoying!!!#so when anhedonia completely envelops me I know it's a sign of something else and bigger going on in the background#it's not a choice. the brain is not solely a cognitive machine!! you cannot fix everything that can go awry with it by Thinking Better!!!#cbt must be great for the people it's great for and I'm sincerely genuinely glad for it. less suffering in the world is great#but it is a way of thinking that is a hammer and you just have to hope like fuck your problem is a nail. because otherwise#you're bruised from being beaten with hammers and the additional shame of what's wrong with you that it's not helping#and again I recognize very keenly that this is not a space meant entirely for me. people sharing resources that amn are not about me#is not only fine it's good it's great! however. it'd also be nice to not get thrown under the fucking bus for once#because my presence fully expressed is an uncomfortable reminder of the things we *cannot* control about our own brains lmao#I'm lucky that I've been in the game long enough and have enough resources to start to smell the bullshit here but...#the pain 'losing years' induces in you when you don't have *a fucking choice* -- because it's not a matter of willpower#or positive thinking or changing your mindset. you're just sick. in a way medicine hasn't quite figured out how to help yet.#well. maybe. maybe don't put that on someone huh. maybe don't make their 'lost years' to depression and doomscrolling or whatever#'their own fault'. I kind of think that's possible to do without submitting to doomposting. is all.#(I feel the same about the 'resting vs. rotting' idea. well friend sometimes the best I can hope for is some gentle rotting#thanks for introducing this layer of disgust and condemnation to the general despair. it's added a patina)#this might actually be the first time I've managed to hold on to my own anger about this rather than it getting drowned out by shame tho#which as steps forward go. *sigh* it's not a moon landing is it. but a small step for man nevertheless I suppose
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this is smth thats not gonna make sense to most ppl who follow me but 'm Thinking again so tag rambly
#i really miss lightdogs! they were so fun and Yes okay the community. in hindsight. kind of sucked butt#but i had a lotta fun there and even though i DID need the money from selling my dogs i miss them#like i know the sad fam is SAFE and fine and i wouldn't wanna get them back from the person who has them bc i trust that person#and i dont .. know where the silly babies are but im sure theyre fine too#and the few others i had like redwood and whatnot i've made ocs to fit the story roles they had so i don't NEED them back#but idk there was smth about the simplicity of them that i really liked#and i haven't been able to confidently make a new oc who captures that level of simplicity without feeling Bad or making them complex#and idk. friend i like got me into them so theyre nostalgic n happy#its been like .#fiveee years... but i think about them a lot#i don't know if i'd want a Lightdog™ again or if id be happier to just find some sorta medium where i can make a character that gives me#the same emotions that the dogs did#but man if it was still a species you KNOW i'd be busting my ass right now to get sp-inspired customs from the mods LMAO#though by now i'm sure there'd be so many it'd be REALLY hard to pick a theme lolol#idk! rolls around. i'm not big on species anymore and find myself only creating one or two lately and then sorta drifting off bc i do#personal development outside of the species world#but i like the Feeling of being in a community- and when i didnt have Fandom™ to give me community i was like. unhealthy about species tbh#overworking myself and sometimes spending money i didnt really have; i like that now i'm Better about it#but man.......................... critters................................ sigh......#pine prattles#this one really is a fuckin prattle
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id be so stressed if i got three wishes id go insane. like id tell the genie to give me a couple days to think about it and talk to all of my friends and go back and forth and probably lose my chance
#first wish would be successful world communism probably but then what do i do!! WHAT DO I DO#i was thinking itd be nice to make things appear out of thin air. for when i want a little treat.#but maybe it'd be better to be able to teleport....a#and i can never let go of the turning into a fly and spying on people fantasy
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*Lies face-down on the floor* I wanna live in the Pokemon world so bad man
#i talk#I'm so tired man just lemme dip off into the wilderness with my Pokemon buddies#and become a champion and do fun battles and cook food for them#Nintendo better drop a fully immersive Pokemon experience someday because I need that#I want to live in that world#I'm playing Pokemon#Asked my friend what Pokemon they'd (realistically) want IRL to have as a buddy and got into a debate#and I still don't 100% know what my answer would be because you have to factor in so many different things#Size / weight / what they probably eat / functionality / personality / temperament#etc.#I think I've settled on Togekiss because it's a good all around Pokemon#Not too huge can probably still cuddle it can help me get around town when I'm running late#and we can go flying and explore places together#it's a good Pokemon for competitive and battle#An all around good-vibes Pokemon#I actually didn't used to like Togekiss much but I've used it for competitive a lot in recent years#It's so tough because I love SO many Pokemon but I could not realistically see myself living with a Garchomp or Gardevoir or Milotic etc.#Togekiss is just like. Cute functional good vibes and also a fave. And will probably be nice to cuddle#That's a huge factor in my decision#Anyways my friend said Dragonite and when I brought up how tough it'd be to have one irl she was basically like ''I'd make it work''#Gotta respect that lmao she knows what she loves and sticks with it
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When I first really followed Doki Doki Literature Club, Yuri was my fave cause I liked her hair and overall personality, and while I still do like her...I think I'm kinda more for Monika in terms of self shipping. Like, she just feels that niche I like of wanting to make characters I like happy, and yeh she was def flawed in doin what she did to get to the player, but what would you expect? You suddenly get god-like powers and realize your friends are just scripted encounters? It'd be tough!
I just think Monika deserves one player to be happy with. Ya know, to date, spend time with, marry...settle down...have some kids...grow old together...ya know, couple stuff, ehehe...
#selfship ramble#I just think she deserves some happiness#Dunno if it'd just be a normal setting or like an AU where I bring her to the real world#Maybe a mix?#God-like player with god-like program#Make things so that the whole Doki gang is real#And where neither of us have our powers#We just want simple loving lives#Is that too much to ask#doki doki monika#ddlc monika#ddlc yuri#monika#yuri#for those curious#I also like Sayori and Natsuki#Sayori is kinda bland but cute#And Natsuki is silly and also deserves better#And of course Yuri deserves better#Me and Monika love all of the literature club so we save em all#doki doki literature club#yumeship community#selfship talk#yumeship#fictional other#self ship community#official louis posting#self ship#yumeship talk
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ppl who larp about the Revolution™ almost seem to expect someone *else* to take the leading role in it all so they can sit inside on their asses and do jack shit, they know they have no meaningful skills to offer and would only slow people down, but expect to *somehow* magically radicalize most americans into doing all the work for them because awww dey're just such a weak wittle babu that needs to be pwotected and defwended awlways uwu
like. come on. get a grip. if everything went your way and someone actually stronger than you came along to take the lead, you're likely not being invited, and you'll likely be left behind... which means left to the alt right, who will no doubt come to your house to see if you're perpetuating anything "woke", and you gotta know they wont just ask, they'll barge in and look through everything even your computer.
though, you should really focus on your plan. your first step: get along with people enough to even actually convince them its a good idea, and we all know you'll never dare to try that shit. you cant even be on here w/o blocking someone like me for even suggesting you are approaching this like a child playing war and you have NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
you think you want a second holocaust (which is essentially letting trump win, i mean hitler got the majority vote in germany. thats how he rose to power. didn't just materialize out of thin air), but you dont seem to grasp the gravity of what that entails, or even that you'd be thrown in the camps with everyone else, all to stick it to jewish ppl and "the libs", even if it means you and all the ones you love die along with them. you are a net negative to humanity and quite frankly should be on a fucking watch list.
#tankies#accelerationists#i dont think the power of love and friendship is gonna carry you through this one guys#you're waiting for someone to come along and save you- this revolution is nothing more than a complex fantasy of you being saved#and protected. nothing more.#i understand you're scared. i understand you've made this idea your whole life and the only thing you dream about to feel better#about living in a world where you're oppressed and constantly in pain and have no power. it makes sense. i create such fantasies for myself#sometimes. but when we come back to reality- we cant expect to take the whole fantasy with us per se#the world isnt one day going to magically go exactly your way. its just not going to happen. it'd be nice if it did- we think- but it wont#you have to be more practical in this. you can use your fantasy as a motivator. a goal. be the change you want to see etc. etc.#but YOU have to take steps making it a reality. no one is going to be the all knowing person who saves you from all the problems#and can do all the things you cant do and save the day or whatever. it's never going to happen. you have to be that person#for yourself. if you're gonna larp about a revolution you have to at the bare minimum have this understood.#after that- you need conflict resolutions skills and to know how to communicate#you'll need to learn how to get along with people you dont like at all. you'll need to learn how to communicate your ideas effectively#you'll need to learn how to argue and defend your ideas and how to have the humility to be wrong and accept it and the ability#to change your mind. you'll have to educate yourself and keep educating yourself. you'll have to learn how to actually listen to other#ppl instead of trying to find a way to manipulate them to believe what you do#and after all that social stuff is out of the way- you need to learn some mother fucking SURVIVAL SKILLS BITCH#how to FIGHT and SURVIVE in any kind of environment. how to use weapons and build fires out of nothing n shit#if you cant manage all of that? you're fucked.
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#dragon age#as a nonbinary trans person this is fairly close to how i felt about it#in some ways inquisition did trans inclusion better just because it engaged with it in the context of the in-universe cultures#which is not to say it was without flaws either#at minimum they could've cast a transmasc VA for Krem for example#and veilguard does a great job there! there are at least four confirmed trans characters all played by appropriately gendered trans actors#but i've played through the entire game as a nonbinary rook#and now started another run as an aqun-athlok qunari who's socially transitioned but not physically#and when you use the mirror to mark your character as trans there's zero option to say your physical presentation hasn't changed#and you're happy with that#ultimately i feel like it's a symptom of the broader problem of the game in that everything is relatively shallow compared to earlier games#there wasn't enough time/care put into making stuff fit into the world and give it depth and meaning#i have friends who've found this plotline to be enlightening and empowering and i am so happy for them that it's opened the door#i do not think including the trans stuff was a mistake in any way whatsoever and i'm glad they did it#i just wish it'd had more time to cook#I ALSO wish we hadn't been stuck with a binary choice of encouraging Taash to be Rivaini or Qunari at exclusion of the other#both because they're nonbinary and because that's how being an immigrant or mixed race works#it's really weird to insist it has to be one identity or the other period
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me waking up at 6am this morning and immediately having the thought "maybe Guz still gets angry a lot because strong emotions are difficult if not impossible to control esp if its rooted in abuse trauma BUT he learns how to apologize, and thus - especially in the beginning - he would lash out as an automatic response but quickly realize what he's doing and apologize for it and we'd move on and be okay" like it had been beamed into my brain from some divine source.
also junebug (waves. thats literally just me.) would have to do their own hard work to learn to not automatically fawn when someone starts seeming the littlest bit potentially displeased or unhappy (because that is unhealthy for all parties involved). they'd BOTH be putting in the work to make it work !!!!!! 🎉
#i keep looking at my extremely strong fawn response and idk what to do about it#but in pkmn world if i got away from parents then I'd probably have some kind of chance at unlearning it fjfkdl#u cannot get better in the place u got sick or whatever the saying is#anyways uhhhmm i think so much about them and the ways in which they make things work even with all the trauma on both sides#by they i mean both Guz and Junebug fjdmfkl#it may not look healthy to outsiders with no knowledge of trauma but it IS genuinely healthy. it is steps to make things work!#so yeah he might yell for a minute but then he immediately apologizes and steps back and they talk it out together#anger especially is a difficult emotion to handle and if you've been physically abused i think yelling is like... pretty mild tbh DBDJLDL#i feel like sometimes a person will never be able to reach NormalTM. sometimes u do the best with what u ARE able to do#and i would be very happy to make space for his automatic anger reactions as long as he recognized it and apologized for it#and im sure it'd lessen over time as we both work through our shit bc brains do slowly rewire themselves over time and practice#and he would also be happy to make space for my (likely tiring and irritating) automatic fawn response as long as i made sure to catch it#and backtrack it and apologize and then work through whatever was coming up that triggered that response#we both are somewhat burdensome but thats okay bc we are happy to carry that burden for each other as long as we're both trying !#UMMM ANYWAYS LOL. i could ramble about trauma work and recovery and making relationships work ALLLL day sdfjkl#💜a boy and his bug🪲#💜so good at being in trouble#junebug🪲
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initially this post had some commentary about interests right now. and then it turned into a ramble about personal healing in the tags. so the interest post is going separately.
#i have been possessed by my fourteen year old self.#except now i am *way* less ashamed of my interests#<- oh wow when you're in a place where all your interests that are unique to you are shamed constantly you stop enjoying them#there were so many things i hoarded as ''just mine'' because i was scared that they'd be stolen from me in one way or another#because either it'd be co-opted and i'd have to confirm to their view of said interest. or i'd be shamed and belittled for enjoying it#there are so many little things now (even wider than like. media interests. like literal aspects of myself) that feel wrong to share becaus#the only way to keep it safe was to keep it close to my chest#there are a few names i'd love to go by but as soon as i think about actually telling someone it i feel like i might#(and sometimes do) have a panic attack about it#which is stupid!!! the people around me now love me!!!! and i love them!!!!!#all that to say. being able to post about armand and dm is kind of like. a rebellion i guess#tvc and specifically armand were so important to me because back then i kind of saw myself in him? v. jaded and disconnected with the world#and seeking someone to bring them forward and into a new space to try and reinvent themself#and wanting someone to love them hard enough that it encompassed everything#i wanted to be what daniel was to armand and what armand was to daniel#<- very healthy way to think about the world and relationships btw <3 i was so normal and fine and this was not a sign something was wrong#god this turned into a bit of a vent thing huh.#i'm not like. feeling big feelings i should clarify. i feel like i'm examining them from a distance and taking notes like a scientist lol#it's a thing of like. knowing how unhealthy everything was and acknowledging that i'm healing. slowly; sure. but i am healing#i got to play a game one of them had tainted last week. it was hard and fun and i had big feelings when i was playing#because it was a little triggering. but i did it. i managed. i felt better for it.#i told my partner about one of my favourite bands back in 2021 and now they listen to them too and that's a little bit of joy#because it was one of the things that was deemed ''bad'' and that i can share that with someone now and feel safe to love it is good#and being able to be as obsessive and hyperfixated as i am right now without it being unsafe is really really lovely#and it is making me lean into it! i can engage with this without guilt! i want to fuck that old man!#it's silly and difficult and big and great and awful and complicated. but it's allowed to be. i'm allowed to be.
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Predator/Prey and Breeding kink is my bread and butter when it comes to writing and the only thing keeping me from combusting into flames randomly in public.
#I should get shot#I think it'd make the world a better place#🍒daily dose of cherry🍒#🍒cherrys spice cabinet🔥#cherry rambles#self ship#fruitbats🦇🍒#🍊💜
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While Rockman.EXE has a pretty solid design all around, I've kind of always disliked how his design lacked visible eyebrows 90% of the time. It's not that he doesn't have any, but you just can't see them due to the shape of his helmet. You can't really see his hair, either, other than what little pokes out the back.
#anyways guess what anime I'm rewatching lmao#apparently somebody else took a crack at subbing this series; and they had slightly better raws too#another thing I disliked is that the games apparently have this plot point where Rock is actually Netto's twin brother#turned into a little digital dude thru some kinda fuckery that I don't know the details of#he's missing a couple of bits of DNA tho which is why he looks different; iirc? and having them inserted back makes him OP#and also he can apparently remove his helmet and have brown hair; in the games at least; tho idk the context for that at all#I just know that the anime wound up being radically different for some reason. not that I dislike it tho! tho it IS the only version I know#kind of wish they would reboot it. it never even properly finished actually; bc the games kinda fell off so there was no motivation-#to even finish it.#it was unfortunately tied to advertising a property; basically a promotion for a video game- and not even a very good one#when looked at it for its original purpose; since it deviated so hard#but I wish they could keep it as a media adaptation. the 10's had that one shitty CGI cartoon I think#that had absolutely no game tie-in whatsoever. it ended early but that was bc it looked like shit iirc lmao. at least imo#but if they could do a reboot of a franchise that was exclusive to an entirely different piece of media then I don't see why they-#couldn't just bring back EXE like this. it'd be fun. I miss it#they'd. really have to overhaul how a lot of this works tho LMAO. the clunky dialup sound effects; the lack of wireless for a good while...#everything has a USB port for some reason... actually tho that kind of tracks if you translate it to today's tech lmao.#it's even the cause of the vast majority of this world's problems; just like IRL; and for a lot of the same reasons (namely hijacking)!#anyways yeah bring it back. and include the absolute fucking wackjob of the Saito plot detail. the boy needs hair.
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I am thinking very very hard abt the toy world guys and oh baby I love dropping in disturbing lore bits that are just sorta dripped into the actual plot and otherwise are not explained <3
#rat rambles#oc posting#I rly want to build this world in a way where the worldbuilding does exist and it does effect things but you still dont get to know abt it#and I especially rly want to hit this balance with the new choice lore Im cooking rn because its that sort of thing I think is more fucked#up the more that is left to be implied or completely untold#Im still figuring out what I want that balance to be though especially since I ultimately don't Need to tell basically anything#so its more so a matter of how much Im willing to risk putting on display for the sake of implying less relevant stuff#because its fun for me to know that the ripple of this event was far larger than any of the cast will ever know but idk if I want the#hypothetical reader to have that experience too or not and if so to what extent#because ofc I dont want to make it too obvious what this ripple looks like and what it may have impacted#and there is smth fucked up in its own right if I Did just fully keep all that to myself#and this does matter because I am toying around with the idea of committing a bit harder to this story and making it a thing one day#nothing is guaranteed but I do really Really like the story Ive been building here and I think it'd be fun to make it real someday#not anytime soon but one day maybe#maybe I could use it as my next step after spiraling upwards? we'll see.#speaking of spiraling upwards I'm planning on rescripting some stuff and continuing to work on the script soon#I am starting to have a clearer vision of what I want to do for the first chunk of the story#Im also deciding wether I keep the original prologue or not but Ill keep procrastinating on that one for a bit I think#the current prologue is intentionally kind of irrelevant to the rest of the plot but Im starting to doubt myself on if it's a good choice#Ill probably end up reworking it at least a little bit though if only to better establish the main plot by a bit#because its Technically kind of relevant the pov just isnt paying attention to the relevant parts#so maybe I can have her pay a smidge more attention for like a page or two and then call it good#anyways this does mean I will have to give the toy story a real name unfortunately :/#sighhhh. I hate naming stories soooo much.#maybe I can just pop open a random word generator and see what calls out to me
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#i get the weirdest looks whenever i tell people what i think abt myself. when i tell people i think on some spiritual leveli might be dead#idek how to express it anymore. nothing feels right. the things that should make me happy instead fill me with absolute dread and sadness#i know nothing good is going to last. why would it. im not supposed to be here. the world has to correct itself as best it can#on some deep-seated level i know that it'd all work out better for everyone if i died. i just don't know how to make that happen#but im not supposed to be here. i know the exact moment i was meant to die and i saw it slipping away#call it hallucination but i could see it happen. i could see the way the world shifted. i could feel my heart beat wrong. i felt the change#and the arms digging into my ribs. and the wrenching from what was meant to be into what shouldn't have been#the world just broke for me and i could see it happen and it was never fixed.#i don't know that it can be fixed with me still in it
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